The Dick Show - Episode 129 - Dick on The Crying Game

Episode Date: November 20, 2018

Civil War Games, Men Crying, hugging your kids with nuclear arms, the "Lethal Weapon" matinee in my pants, mom's crappy home WiFi, Johnny's dad's d*ck pic, Christopher the Kiwi proposes to his inmate girlfriend, Thanksgiving and everything wrong with it, fire sympathies, the ACLU, Red Dead Redemption 2 is turning frogs gay, strangling Mom, "The Fattener", fattening, and ruination fetishes, phimosis, getting Digibro's dad laid, four beers, the passing of Andy Lee AKA Call Of The Deep, and banging your hot cousin; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Okay, is everyone ready? Is it broadcasting? I think it's broadcasting. Sean, you need video of Sean, yeah, it's broadcasting. All right, it looks like it's in focus. Hard to tell, Johnny, thank you for that. I'm calling the police. See, Johnny, ever since that Carolina Reaper, Johnny's in the doghouse.

No, man. That Carolina Reaper pepper that you brought over, holy fuck. It's right. I've had a handful of them since then. You've eaten those entire peppers. Oh, yeah. The one that I ate just the, I bit the tip off of and then... Just to see what it felt like.

Yeah. Just that was horrible. It's pretty fucking bad. Can you text Diego to tell him to tell Cordelia? Do you have Cordelia's number? Can you text her to send you the video or send it to me so I can play it? That was awful.

I mean, that was awful. They're pretty fucking bad, but you get a couple of them down and they're not so bad after that. You're talking about men's penises now, right? Yes. I'm talking about ghost peppers. Oh. Don't make it.

So yeah, I don't like spicy food. Yeah, you don't like spicy cocks. Yeah. Oh. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. Yeah Yeah Welcome to you on diggin' diggin' diggin' love diggin' you've got it. It's the show where everything's a contest

Tell me to you lie from a mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure I am your host the $20 million dick masters in AK the $20 million man recently voted America's best Mexican for two months Running two months running. I don't think I have any more things than that. Joining me today, or as he sometimes does, as he occasionally does, is Johnny the audio engineer. Thank you for everything. Johnny the audio engineer. Now, I understand that you've recently seen your father's penis. That's my talk show. Oh, yeah. That's my talk show trial. That's my tape. So I sent this into the late show. Yes, so you're the guest today. Hi, Johnny, I understand you've recently seen your father's

penis. Tell us about that. Well, it was a mirror selfie and accidental mirror selfie. My dad was like, oh, you know, all, or I think we have a family group chat. One of my sisters was like, oh, send us pictures. How many sisters do you have? Just two.

What are they? What's going on? Are they single? Are they, well, 117. Okay. Yeah, they, what's going on? Are they single or they? Well, one 17. Okay. Yeah. So, let's say, can you say 18 just for the sake of the show? Well, I did.

Well, I did. Okay. I'll have to edit that and put it in. What happened? So, my sister was like, oh, same as pictures of the dogs, because my mom's got dogs. She got five French bulldogs. Pretty fucking cute.

Five French bulldogs? Pretty fucking obnoxious sometimes. Yeah. But they're pretty goddamn cute. Oh my God. And small doses. And so he was like, sure, I'll send a picture. The fucking kids don't ever want to talk to me.

They just want to see pictures of the fucking dogs. Yeah. So he sends a selfie, but forgot there was a mirror in the background. And he must have just gotten off the shitter out of the shower or something, and much to everyone's horror. There it was. And he must have just gotten off the shitter out of the shower or something and Much to everyone's horror

There was you have it. I deleted I was I deleted it. Why do you delete that? It's a good son. I would save that forever Well, because I was told that with my bitcoins if my dad accidentally sent me a picture of his dick I would have dead man safe all over all over the world with a picture of his dick, I would have dead man safe all over the world with instructions like fucking back to the future too. And the event of my death, please present this picture, please post this picture on all my properties. Here's my backup properties.

Well, it wasn't gonna be safe forever from my father. Well, my sisters have backup copies for sure. But the thing that really got me was, it was like nine in the morning. So I barely, I'm awake and I looked down and I'm like, oh Jesus Christ. And you were, and I just deleted it. Yeah, because you're a recording engineer. Right, so I had probably a couple hours of sleep

and I looked down and I'm like, oh Jesus Christ. I looked at the dogs and I was like, oh, cute. And then I see that and I was like, whoa, all right. So I just deleted it, didn't think anything of it. Go back and sleep, woke up, my phone had like 60 text messages from a whole family like, Jesus Christ, delete this and my oldest sister goes. Audio engineers, you're all deleting everything.

Yeah, that's when you get gold and you just delete it. That's your survival instinct takes over. Delete, delete, delete, delete. Well, it's better than the deleted or flee syndrome. Exactly. Well, it's better than disavowing everything. Right. It's a little simpler.

And yeah, so then as I was processing it throughout the day, I was like, Dad just fucked us all up. He really got one on us. He's like, fucking kid. Do you remember? Because you can't unsee that. No. Do you remember the shape and the size and the weight or the yaw of his penis at

all? Unfortunately a big situation. A bit too well. To the carpet match the drapes of your father's penis. Yeah. And the picture. I mean, I understood where I got it from. Oh, did you?

Yeah. Was it like looking at a time machine? Pretty much. Looking at a mirror that's also a time machine. It was horrifying, but also like. Did your parents' relationship make more sense? I feel like maybe if everyone saw their dad's dick, a lot of mysteries would be solved.

Oh, okay, that explains a lot. Either way, either way, one way or the other, not knocking dads, but either way, like, oh, all right, all right, I get it, I get it. I get it, I get it. No need to explain your way out of this one, pops. Yeah. I'll let you.

But I thought it was just funny because my sisters were like, they did the whole meme of tag yourself who are you in this picture? And my response was, Oh, the dogs? Yeah. And I was like, oh, I'm confused dad on the phone,

said in pictures, hanging brains to the whole family. Oh, man. You can imagine how hard that's gonna be for us when you're, where your father's age? Hi. How do I accidentally get our dicks and balls into things?

I don't know. I don't fucking know. All those screens, virtual reality, like did you see, Dad, took a shit on our shared virtual reality server. And Dad, what were you thinking? I thought I was in actual reality. I didn't know that I was in virtual reality.

You fucking prex. It's hard to tell. It's hard to tell. Well, hopefully VR continues to look like second life for another. But it won't. That's my point. It's scary.

Did you have to kill yourself? Dad joked off on V on the VR chat again today. Fuck and he forgot to clear it. Yeah, you forgot any forgot his enhancements. He was going in. Rah. He forgot all his augmented reality enhancements. Sean is also joining us.

V is I am and somebody should have tagged the dick. Why? Oh yeah, I know I tagged my dad, but Sean is joining us from Arkansas. By the way, are you recording? Yeah. Okay. Of course. Sean's joining us.

He's seeing his family for Thanksgiving, which brings me to my first thing that makes me rage today's episode. It's family internet. Oh, family internet that's not yours. Sean calls in and he starts artifacting like a motherfucker, a meat, that robot. Tom, Tom, which everybody knows, but everybody has to explain every time it happens for some reason. And then Sean tells me, well, I got to switch to the other internet.

I think you mean to tell me that your brother's internet situation out there in Arkansas is so bad that he has you switching back and forth. Does this motherfucker not mesh network? His shit? Is he not? What is going on over there? Sean. Man, I'm lucky I have internet.

I was gonna have to run a can and strings like a couple thousand miles. We're all going home this week, and we'll be going back to the early to the late 90s, perhaps. That's right. With internet speeds in the single digits, with lowercase b's, that's mom's internet for you. Oh, it doesn't work on that side of the house.

You've got to go in the bathroom. That's the best place for the internet in this house. What are you doing? I didn't come home to troubleshoot for two days here. We've got a limited amount of time and I'm going to spend them all troubleshooting your internet. Just let me get in there nice and quick. What's the password?

What do you mean? That's it. It's like unplugging for a weekend. Yeah. What's the password? What do you mean? That's it. It's like unplugging for weekend. Yeah. Be it a nice detox. Yeah. Mom's internet mom and dad's internet. Well, it's an easier way to justify it. So you're not like spending your whole weekend trying to fix it. And you're just like, no internet. Fuck it. We need a ARP needs to send out care packages to these people.

So we can so we can get their dick's online more, I guess, these old people. The Jitterbug for the entire internet. Yeah, send out a Jitterbug in a life alert bracelet for the boomers, just for this, just for the holidays, the holiday time is legendarily known for bad internet, bad masturbating circumstances.

Oh yeah. Hushed, silent masturbating in rooms that are not your own with lumpy bed springs and internet's so bad. You know, when you masturbating a parent's house for Thanksgiving, you've got to plan your pornography ahead of time. You can't just open whatever tabs you want. You can't just load whatever videos.

Their internet could be so bad. You're just gonna stuck, you're drawing pictures for yourself. Like, well, while this loads, I'm gonna draw a picture of tits and then jerk off over these. Dick, what has happened in modern life? You mean nobody just jacks off at the Thanksgiving table anymore? No, sadly no.

What's become of us, all right. This is gonna be, this is gonna be an interesting show. A very terrible thing has happened. And I'm not gonna talk about it yet, because I don't want to bump everybody out on their way to get more bummed out at their parents' thanksgiving. Oh, fucking. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, dude, bad. Bad Andy Lee. Andy Lee Andy Lee the thumbnail artist died By zone handy killed himself committed suicide last week Jesus he was responsible for A tremendous amount of art for the show and I'll talk about it later just because I want to talk about it for a long time But it's it's to be a dangerous episode. The risk of crying is very high in this episode, Johnny. For a man.

For a man. You know, it's different than for a woman. Different magnitude. Different magnitude. It's a brick wall. You know, like when they show, went back when the truck slings were happening on a larger scale when the Islam figured out

that you could drive trucks through people, and that's just as effective as a plane. Right. When they figured that out and they would put, at these companies were put, that built barriers to protect against this sort of thing were hot. That was hot stuff. That was the new hotness.

These barriers that protected you from the Muslim truck of peace, right? They'd go in and then nothing could drive through them. So I would go watch, I would watch these videos because it's awesome to see destruction, of course, on this scale. These barriers that you see them at shopping malls are just little posts and you think, no, what the hell is that gonna stop? I could kick that over.

I'm not gonna, but I could. I went online and watched how effective these things were, entire 18 wheelers, driving at 70 miles an hour, absolutely destroyed. The pillars perfectly fine. No shit. Oh, it's incredible. I mean, I don't know much about a lot,

but I don't think he's stronger. I don't think he could move one of those puss. It was my point. That's crazy. That is what it's like to cry as a man. Yeah. You feel fine. It's like playing mind sweeper, you know?

You feel fine. You can talk about whatever you want. Maybe you're even, maybe you're even hitting a groove and you're feeling good, expressing just poison of emotions that you have in you, right? Because you gotta get it out, you gotta get it out. You gotta. You gotta get it out. And the pornography, the crying pornography

that they make for women doesn't work for men, because it's stupid. So you've gotta make your own, right? You've gotta draw your own crying pornography. You've gotta think about things and express your emotions about these torrental tragedies, travesties that happen. You got a hijack a truck?

You got a hijack a truck and drive it right through. But it's a mind field because you'll be talking Perfectly fine and expressing yourself and all the sudden you'll Come out of your throat Oh, and a cat Steven's song will start playing in your head and you will you will want to just power through it And you watch guys do this These nice done get off to get the hook get the hook that bitch is crying He's good fucking crying get the fucking hook. He's done. Get off, get the hook, get the hook. That bitch is crying.

He's good fucking crying, get the fucking hook. He's done. You just gotta walk away at that point. You're done, you want pencils down. That's the pencils. I just want to, okay, done. Yeah, you guys, yeah, yeah, hey, that's it. And then you can never talk about it again.

Nope. That's why it's, that's the rule. Well, same with shooting your pants, too. If you shoot your pants around people, you gotta just walk away. You go home. That's it, you don't come back. I told my friends I'd never see him again. If I shit my pants around, I would just walk away. I wouldn't even accept their ride home. If I was a cross-town. I would walk away.

Why would someone give you a ride home after you just shit in your pants? Because they're my friends. And they would offer that. But I wouldn't accept. I went through a phase test that theory. Yeah, I might actually, but I don't wanna have to abandon my whole life. Have a couple Carolina reapers, roll the dice, take your chances. Go for a run. Yeah.

I did, I was going through a bad, shitting my pants phase. It got working on all of us, right? Like 10 years ago, and I shit my pants in my car back before I wrecked it. Yes, thank you. Thank you.

Well, I didn't grow out of it. I just learned some humility. I'm no longer as confident in my sphinctoids as I was then. You know, because when you're in your 20s, you're working out constantly and you look at yourself and like, yeah, my insides must 20s, you're working out constantly and you look at yourself and like, yeah, my insides must be this buff as well. There's no, no, I could squeeze. I don't know what to move for,

I could kegdle a fucking watermelon in a half. You could, right? Yep. I could chop an iron, turn chop, I'll chop an iron pipe in half with this motherfucker. Bam, nothing's escaping my grasp, right? I call my asshole the rock. Nothing escapes, right?

Alcatraz, Johnny, Alcatraz. Ascatraz. That's what my eyes, the rats, the rats, the rats, the rats, the escape from asking, and these motherfuckers that they do. It's more like white collar prison, my asshole, as it turns out. But I was in my car, back in my car was still nice. Back when I had that sports car, I wrapped around a curb after that.

I shit my pants, I had jeans, and I, then I thought it was also afraid that it was going through the jeans, because I had quite a drive home. I had leather seats, and it's like, well, if it gets on the leather seat, you have to destroy the car. You can't re-appulster that and drive this. It's the cars ruined. So while I was driving in traffic, because more was on the reinforcements were coming.

Now that the prisoners had learned their way out of Ascotras, that was Sean Connery. Now he was coming back in and leading more guys out. Carving the trail. Uh huh. I had all of the rock happening in my bowels and my colon at that time. Here come the migrants.

Yeah. Caravan. One guy threw the wall and it's like, whoa. George Soros crawled into my colon, rallied the migrant hordes of peace. Colin rallied the migrant hordes of peace. So I started digging around on my car for, I ended up finding a newspaper, and I was like, I was like, I guess a bird at that point.

Like I was making my own bird cage, shoving these newspapers and fast food bag wrappers. Like I mean, not even, not for the absorbency, but just so, just so would protect the leather. It's like, well, the jeans, it's not thing, well, this is what I can do. I'm not pulling over. Right.

Because then I'm gonna have a bigger problem. But I can't get shit. I'm like, I can't get shit on my car seat. You almost have the drive off a cliff or you're gonna oncoming traffic. Yeah. I knew a girl who did the same thing. She was stuck in traffic and a guy was hitting on her relentlessly while she was trying to protect her car seats because she had shittered pants.

That's a good line. He said the guy was like getting increasingly agitated, talking to her like, so where are you going? She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going on. I'm like, well, we're doing this when she's not paying attention. You're like, so where are you going? She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going, I'm like, yeah, well, we're doing this, and she's not paying attention. She's like, I fuck you, you bitch. Guy, I shit my pants, that's the problem.

It's not always about you. That's what I'm, that's what I try to tell the guy, look, if she's not responding properly, perhaps she has shit her pants, just relax. It's not always about you. That's gonna be my default assumption, indeed. Oh, man. I'm gonna go talk to that girl.

All right. Three minutes later. How'd it go? Ah, bitch, sh-sh-her pants. She sh-sh-her pants. Obviously. Obviously. That's our version of lesbian.

Anyway, let's see what else I got here. Um, I think Dig what else I got here. I think Digi Bros. calling in. Maybe give us a lot of kind of update. I can only, I can only, oh, fire sympathies made me rage. I didn't think the California wildfires could make me upset because I love, I hate California. I love when bad things happen to California.

Not really. You know, I think everyone in California does. Our shit catches on fire. Yeah, fuck us. It gets to the point where it's like I smell burning in there. I'm like, this is very reminiscent. Yeah. It's not like. It's a nice familiar sound of homes burning.

Morons getting trapped. People living their lives. So it's like, things happen anywhere else in the world. of homes burning morons getting trapped. People live. So it's things happen anywhere else in the world. And you're like, oh man, you know, that could have happened to some good people. But things bad things happen in California. I'm most of them, we're probably assholes. It's California.

But then I get, I started to get sympathy emails from Patreon and then Amazon reminding me to buy shit. Amazon sent me an email, Amazon's credit card company, synchronicity, whatever it is, sent me an email about how much that everyone was suffering in the wildfire and that they were donating like a couple of an excess box of a gross of fortune cookies or something to lift everyone's spirit over that with the subtle reminder of, hey, buy more shit on Amazon. And I'm thinking, is this the future of of email spam for you guys whenever a national

tragedy happens? Am I going to get an email like on my birthday from every company on Earth reminding me to buy shit? Fall about this. Yeah, it's like being a woman and getting hit on by, like, I imagine like, what if a guy did this to a woman? Oh, hey, I heard about your house burning down, if I just wouldn't let you know that I'm right here.

I just wanna remind you that. It's let you know that I'm right here. I just want to remind you that it's exactly like that. I'm right here. That's what it is. Getting hit on by some of these guys. Hey, if you buy a TV, we'll give 10%. They want to fuck you so bad, they can't help themselves. Right? It's the same. We really want to fuck this guy.

I'm going to hit him up. I'm going to hit him after, during this wildfire, his decision making is probably questionable. What was the time stamp on the email, like three in the morning? Yeah. It was right after I posted something, a sad face on Facebook.

It hit me up immediately. What's up, girl? Yeah. What you doing? The WID, no question mark. Yeah, what you doing? The WID, no question mark. Yeah, what you doing? Sup, girl, can I interest you in a new barbecue? Or perhaps some solar powered Christmas lights?

Hmm? We think about that. Can't, yeah. Netflix and buy. Netflix stuff. Renew your price. It was so offensive by today. Renew your Netflix and Prime.

Some free vods. All right, I've got to open that beer. And what else made me rage is my, my nephew's birthday party last week had no piñata. Oh, no pinata. Oh no. Yeah. Yeah.

Now, you know what, I'm sorry. And I would send you a simp of the email. Oh yeah. If I cared. It was terrible. That's awful. They had, it was like watching a bunch of little yuppies, like little

Mexican right is going to plummet next week. No, I don't I guess they're not raising the boy to be Mexican at all even and even ironically. No no pinata at all just cake pops cake pops and interpretive dance cake pops. What's that? Pines of Guinness. Pines of Frappuccino machine. They had a whole Frappuccino machine there. No pinata at all. And I vowed afterwards because you know, I talked last week about how the pinata is the best part of being a child.

It's violent. It's a violent competition and you were rewarded. You were rewarded as as as aggressive you are. Someone's about to get fucked up. Someone is and there's someone is guaranteed to get fucked up by their own hand Yeah, you and that's a parents Hands off You know if he gets I I wore them that people were swinging shit and that he's got to resist the candy

But if something happens It happens. That's a nice. I you've there, shame, if something were to happen to it, son. Last Pinyat I saw, a little Irishman, it breaks, hits the ground. Motherfucker goes diving into a dog pile of kids two years older than him head first and comes out, I shit you not. He's a little redhead, right? He comes out with this snarle, with two two handfuls of candy with lollipop sticks sticking out from between his fingers like Wolverine crawling on his elbows because he doesn't want to

give up a single morsel of this blood that he of this viscera of this sweet viscera. He's torn from this rainbow donkey. He comes army crawling out, runs over to me and goes, here I gotta go back in and just drops it. If he's like five, I gotta go back in, runs immediately back and dives in again. Through sheer force of will,

it's pandemonium and they've taken this away. I'm not, I can't stand for it. Every, and I have to do this now, every birthday party, I will guy, I brought a rope too, I brought a rope in a stick. If I were to know, and there was going to be no pinata, I would have brought a fucking pinata. I lived, I can't, I drive to the freeway every day and see about six million goofy fuck SpongeBob pinatas that think that every single one looks unique.

You almost bought one on the way. You're talking. You almost bought it's SpongeBob and Trump all the way to the freeway on both sides. Yep. Every day in this neighborhood, Taco shop, a gift stores, which I don't even know,

I don't even know what they're selling there. Pignatas, there's gotta be, you put Pignatas store in Google where I live, there's 4,000 listings for Pignatas stores. Oh, you'll crash your app. So next time, next year, every party, I'm just going all the way and good luck telling me now. I'm bringing that thing out, I'm setting it up because I'm not letting,

I'm not letting this tradition die. Bring like eight sponge bubs. Yeah. That all look like the fucking ice cream bar with the gumball. No, it's one, one, one piñata. You get one. Mm.

Yeah. It was very, it was very upsetting to me. I couldn't enjoy the party at all. Because I kept, where's the situation on the piano? We're not doing one. There needs to be some sort of blood sacrifice. What are you talking about? You're not doing one.

What's the, why are the kids getting rewarded when they're not having a blood fight? What do you mean? All right. I'll tell you what else makes me a rage. I got the red dead redemption to. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You played it at all. My roommate bought it and we eat reapers and just play that shit all there. Yeah. A lot of, a lot of talking.

It's a game about horse riding and petting horses. I let 80s girl play. I went to the bathroom. I came back and she's still petting the horse. What is this a horse petting simulator with the fuck? Well, I got a friend. Why don't you go shoot something and then she pulls out her gun and it looks like Ray Charles playing. She's flinging around like Ray Charles trying to play a Rachmaninoff, you know, yeah, I Got a friendly place sky-room and he turned it into a farming simulation. I Don't know what's I don't know what to make of it I just can't grow up with the Niyadas. I spent more time

crafting and shopping in that fucking game and watching horses and fucking around with horses than I have Murdering fools. That's what they turn into, yeah. And listening to guys talk about sad things. Like, I don't, I have enough sad things. I don't need, I don't need pretend guys talking about sad shit. All right. There's no escape. There's no, I turn on red dead redemption

and Kat Stevens comes right up. Whoop! All right, that's it. Ha ha ha. There's no, I turn on Red Dead Redemption and Kat Stevens comes right out. Whoop! Alright, that's it. I'm out. Right never ends. Almost got me on that one. Whew, dodged it. You got a dodge crying like the Matrix.

Scott shoot at you. Pup, pup, pup, pup. Whoa, memories. Whoa, whoa. Get outta here. Ha ha ha. Uh. It's not the fluoride in the water that's turned us gay. It's the video games about talking about petting horses and lost loves. And I thought I was playing gone with the wind playing

this fucking game on writing horses around listening to cinematic music and talking about lost loves. Like are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, video games aren't visceral anymore Who is this for Who is this for finally I get into a saloon I When were we playing that nothing but Apple T-nees.? Nothing but Apple T-nees. Yeah, nothing but Apple T-nees. Fucking Cosmo.

I get to pick either a water or a Cosmo. It says, what can I get you, partner? I'm one choice number one is I'm the designated driver. Lemon drop DLC. That's great thing about a horse, man. The horse is the designated driver. Those motherfuckers have no ID. They can't drink.

Go ahead, bitch. Drunker than hell. See, we did away. We got to get rid of bicycles and bring back horses. They're cheaper than ubers, probably. You look, they're more badass're, they're more bad at, they're bad at, they're bad at, they're not bicycle. Chick is gonna fuck a guy on a horse more

than she's gonna fuck 10 guys on bicycles. And it's just, it's practically the same as a bicycle. You store it, you just get a horse rack out there. I've never seen a bicycle think a colossal shit in the street, though. That's, that's additional, that's an additional feature of the horse over the bicycle. I'd rather take that.

I'd rather take a horse than an Uber, and have to listen to some asshole talking about God knows what. That's true. Horse, sir. That's my app. You just fired, ordered up a horse and I'll send a horse out to your place.

Like, what's the and bird scooters? Does horses all over the... Yeah, why not? That's my competition for bird, horse. I'm gonna take a million horses and put them all over Santa Monica and San Francisco. And you could find a horse on your app. A horse has a little QR brand that you scan.

Then you could hop on and ride it and you get charged to horse on your app and the horse has a little QR brand that you scan. Then you could hop on and ride it and you get charged to horse fee, obviously. Then at night, the tech guys have a different app and they'll come out and pet the horse and feed it and shit. Tell us that story. You think you're gonna, yeah, well, let's talk about sad stories from the trail.

You think they're gonna be throwing horses into the ocean and into dumpsters? Good luck, Bucca Rue. Good fucking luck. Fucking A. So we're playing Red Dead Redemption and I get us into a saloon. And we're immediately amble up to the bar like I'm hammering. Why?

It doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, it's aggressive, it's real life. Gotta get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it. Gotta wash all this taste of phony fairy tales out of my mind. And when you know what one of the missions was in Red Dead Redemption, the broads and camper board, take them to town. Like bitch, I'm escaping that by coming to this. I don't need a virtual bitch to tell me she's bored

that I gotta think of something to do. I got one of those already. It's just a dating sim wrapped in nice graphic. It is, it is. That's what all games are now. I was playing Gran Turismo and there's a story mode in that show with the fuck. Gran Turino, that's the game I wanna play.

That's the immersive, big world game I wanna play. They're gonna turn into a love story. I don't care. As long as I can choose which racial epithet I want to sing, going around, you're even have a gun in the grand terino game. It's just strings of racist epithets thrown out the window. And you curse at them until they, until their pants fall off and then they run away, oh, they just run away and fall over. I'd play that. I would play that until I was dead.

I would play that and forget to eat. That would be like a... Korean cafe. Korean cafe. A cafe to just play that the whole time. I really wanna say all the words that I would say in that game. So I could get us into a saloon in Red Dead Redemption 2. And I'm like, all right, thank God.

Like I get a high immediately ordering a fake drink. And I'm thinking to myself, I'm like, oh, what? I think it was Labor Day or some kind of day where we had the day off. So he's growing on, I just stayed home, played Red Dead Redemption 2 all day. Yeah, it was great. And she says, man, how did guys get anything done back in the day? It seems like all they do is drink. And I turned to her, I shit you and I turned her and I said,

I was just wondering if it was late enough for me to go grab a beer. So, you can take all that back in the day, shit. And make a video game about broads complaining about things. That's, that's, it seems like all they did is drink. I was like, oh man, I was just now thinking, oh, I wonder if, I wonder if 1030 is too early to celebrate, it was Veterans Day. That's what it was, Veterans Day.

Ever too early. What else do I got here? I got something big. By the way, I wasn't, whatever the amusement tax is for that game, I think I should only have to pay for the amount that I was amused in that game, which is not listening to stories. The part fighting a pinhead, I was amused by that, chasing a midget down, I was amused by that part. Yeah, you get to do that.

Yeah, kind of, I played that mission twice. I enjoyed it so much trying to get that little fucking midget. Get back here, you little, you're getting nothing midget. I would never say that in present day, of course, but this is, you know, the context of the times you're allowed to say. Maybe Gran Turino. Yeah. Oh, if you worse than that.

That'd be a great game. Gran Turino. It'd be a movie-based game though, so they'd fuck it up. Yeah. They'd fuck it up. You're right. What was I talking about? I enjoyed those.

I was very amused during those parts. I picked up a bounty and a woman and the whole way back to jail. I'm really shut up, shut up, shut up. That was great. That was very amusing. I'll pay tax on those parts. The rest? No. Yeah, see, oh, like, I'm going to pay for that. That amusement very amusing. I'll pay tax on those parts. The rest, no.

Yes, he owe like, I'm used to attacks. It's still stuck up my, it's still stuck in my fucking crawl, man. It's stupid. I'm gonna pass it. I'm gonna push it, play it forward. Pay it forward. The amusement tax. Collect it forward. Pet a dog more than three times. That's fucking, that's tax. You're obviously amused by that. Yep. Talking about politics on Facebook. That'd be good. That'd be a hell of an amusement dog more than three times, that's fucking, that's tax. You're obviously amused by that. Yep. Talking about politics on Facebook, that'd be good. That'd be a hell of an amusement tax. Oh, everyone shut the fuck up.

Oh, the government just goes in on Facebook, audits all the posts and charges Facebook, $11 billion. There you go, push it on your users, you fucks. That's not any different. No. You remember net neutrality? Oh yeah. Yeah, we've got to make sure that companies don't charge,

charge you for premium content like Spotify and Netflix and stuff. Okay, cool. We're charging you for those. What, what, why? It's amusement tax. What happened to all that shit about being worried about not charging me for this yet?

You fucks, you just wanted to do it. It's the thing. Uh, let's see here. Sean, you got anything that makes you rage? Being on the road? Oh, give me a minute. I'll come up with something. Yeah, come up with something.

Online shopping browsing. I'd like to text that. Mm, just browsing. Yeah, window shopping. Why? It's fucking amusing for them. I guarantee you, I've seen the fucking stars in broads eyes with their online shopping at Lulu's.com or fuckingzappos.com.

Show, where the government? Show us your page loads. And then we're gonna text you. eyes with their online shopping at Lulu's.com or fucking zappos.com. Show, where the government? Show us your page loads and then we're gonna tax you. It's 10 cents every time a bitch loads a page on those sites. Well, that's the amusement tax, that's the amusement tax for you since you went after the fucking video games. They might actually start because iPhones got that whole screen time app now. Oh, dude.

Once they start tapping into your Instagram time and taxing that, we're fucked. Nothing will make you feel like a bigger loser than that screen time thing. What's yours at now? Oh, I haven't even activated mine, fuck that. No, it's a one hour today. One hour and 20 minutes today, fucking.

I don't want to look at it. I hate that. I fucking, I hate it in video games when it tracks it. Because a couple, like an hour a day here and there doesn't seem so bad, but when you're looking at that timer and it says 60 hours, you think there's nothing a person can say to make you feel like that big of a loser. And it's not like, you don't get a,

it's not like Marble or Old Points, where you can trade it in for a final fantasy seven jacket it's just here it is it's marble points without the fucking reward hey you've got 26,000 marble points how about that can I get anything for them no just a reminder that you're a fucking idiot to generate yeah yeah um let's see what else here oh this one was really funny that I wanted to talk about. Did you see the Democratic congressman that said he was going to nuke the US if we didn't give up our guns. All the fuck? Did you see that? No. All right, just guys small, Sean, did you see that?

No, I did not. This guy small, well, suggests that we force the owners of guns to get rid of their assault weapons. You know, if they are in, as it relies, the conundrum right there in front of you, right? Well, it's just new come yeah so somebody says somebody says you're out of your mind if you think i'm going to give up my rights and give the government all that power he responds uh...

say the guy says so basically you want war basically small well you want a war you're saying you're going to forcibly take people's guns like that's that's the that's the objective of war, is to take the other guy's guns. It's not to kill them, it's to take their guns. The killing is just the only way to do that.

So you go, so you want a war? And the guy says, oh, it would be a short war, my friend. The government has nukes. Too many of them, but they're legit. I'm sure we could talk about it and find common ground to protect our families and communities. We might not have to resort to nukes. We might not have to resort to nukes. And I've just said, I've heard this so many times that I got to, I can't help talking about it.

It's like a fucking, it's like a boogie man. about it. It's like a fucking, it's like a boogie man. The idea that you can get, I got banned from Twitter for telling someone to eat a cinder block. This guy's going on saying, uh, give us your ganjo, we're gonna nuke you. Then we're gonna nuke America. Where would that be? Point not like, what do you think, how do you think the nuke works? You could drop one right outside my house, I live in a fucking canyon, it's not gonna, it's gonna shoot a bunch of light, it's gonna look like Dodger Stadium for a minute,

but as long as I'm underground, under a fucking, under a lead sheet, I'm gonna be all right, even if I'm, I'll get sleep through it, I'll sleep through a nuke. I'm wake up, Jesus. I don't understand it at all. The government has nougats. Yeah, the government has a wife and kids too.

How's a nougat gonna protect your wife and kids you dumb motherfucker? Turning your guns will nougat you. All right, where your kids go to school? Why you wanna know? Just curious. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Well, we've got the secret service. Well, where's their friends? I mean, you got everybody's got someone they love, right?

You idiot. You're winning a civil war with tweets. Fucking stupid. You win wars with killers. I'm pretty sure the people with the guns. Yeah, well, that guy himself is not going to go up to be like, hey, give me your gun. They're going to laugh in his fucking face.

I'd either piss the women with it or just shoot him. I mean, how do you know how many guns some of these guys have? You're going to need a truck or two with guns on it. The fucking, the Civil War, the Civil War meme, the nuke meme that some people actually think is real is one of these, is one of the stupidest and most biggest explanation for what's wrong when they went their brain that I could think of. You know?

Yeah. Well, it's like when you're a kid and a bazooka is like an end all solution to everything. Yeah. We got a nuke. So, yeah, what are you? What are you going to do with that? Walk us, walk us through it. Well, there's selectively targets people. Yeah. Well, you know, it's a smart nuke. We'll drop it on you. I don't care. Go walk me, just walk me through it. Walk me through it.

Like I want a, I want, I really want this. I think it would help for America to have like a war games but a civil war games where we've got all our guys together and you know, they haven't mock you in for kids. Since we're all still children, let's have a mock civil war where we bring everybody in and have a legit, reenactment, not a video game, but this is, and we'll bring in a UN panel of experts, we'll bring warlords from Zimbabwe to come in and be a judge, we'll bring in some, we'll bring in like a UN panel of experts, we'll bring warlords from Zimbabwe to come in and be a judge, we'll bring Theresa May,

we'll bring in like China and we'll have, well like so, because I think it could get a fair, fair, a fair judgment on what war is. It's like the Olympics for war. Exactly, for America. Because what we have is not, what we have is not enough. We need this, we need to have a concept of annihilation on the table or else we're gonna make one out of politics

and I don't want, that's not working. Civil war games, come in, you play it out. We got teams together, like this should be a fun thing. Clearly the guy's having a good time saying that give us your guns or we're gonna nuke your ass and i'm clearly having fun fantasizing about murdering the children and wives of congressman or their family or their families like i understand people can be protect but you protect everyone right

and i'm and i think the side with the hunters and the c e o's have more killers than the inner cities who can't stop killing each other like they're getting a lot of practice I understand that but they don't have the leadership right see we've got the leadership we've got the killers and the leadership they've just got killers killing wildly yeah I think I think I think we win that one I think we we win that several war. Oh yeah. Well, especially with the new, too.

Especially with the new. I think the people who've got all of their guys in like 10 cities have a slight disadvantage. Shouldn't be throwing nukes around like that. Oh, Nukia. Okay. Can we do one for one? You guys, Nuk, Maricopa County, Arizona,

and we'll get New York, or LA, or San Francisco, or Austin, or Portland, or any of the other, like. Yeah. What are you, what are you thinking, man? I mean, well, they should definitely start here. Take your best shot at the black hills of South Dakota. See how you pick it on the, pick Nebraska, Nebraska, get them. Where all the nukes are.

You nuked them first. You idiot, you fucking idiot, but it's fun. It's fun to imagine these civil war type scenarios, right? Oh, yeah. We should embrace it. That's all I'm saying. Just like the Olympics. Right.

Um, a time is it. Oh, I'm 50. Let's see here. What else happened this week? The ACLU has a problem with new guidelines that say college students accused of sexual assault be given the opportunity to question their accuser. Think of a problem with that.

The ACLU of all people, people sworn to protect the liberties of citizens, right? They have a problem with questioning the accusers because they would be revictimized by having to sit through it. Among other reforms designed to bolster the due process rights of the accused under the revised title nine guidelines, universities must afford accused students the right to question their accuser.

Though the questions can be communicated through a neutral party and the two parties never have to face each other in the same room. Seems pretty straight forward. Yeah. Right? So how on the hell could they possibly have a problem with that? I'll read you some of their problems. The new rule would drastically limit the definition of sexual harassment that gives rise to investigations. Schools would need to investigate only reports

of unwelcome conduct on the basis of, you know what I think their problem with it is that they don't like, they're not getting enough justice from the system we got. And they want to force companies and schools into doing it for them, and to fucking up somebody's life because they accused them of doing something, which is bullshit, which is, if it bulls shit, let's say it's half the time, is just a bunch of nonsense. Like how often does it happen? So like, oh yeah, well, you know,

clearly this was a two way thing. Well, like even if you look at the rape list video, like that's an accusation, you know, like, fucking stupid. Schools could adopt a standard of proof that favors the respondent. Schools could have adopted. They're not cops, it's a school.

What the hell, they, schools have adopted a system to charge you $90 for a textbook every year because they don't want you buying the used version. That's the system, the school's adopted the most, the system most beneficial to destroying your life. Like, yeah, uh, student loans are out of control and because there's a bunch of free money from the government to kids wanting to go to college, they keep upping their tuition, but they don't have to do that. They do it so they can get more money to pay bigger celebrity professors to

promote their school more. Like they're the, they're the, would you, would you want Walmart doing this? Like do any of the people backing the ACLU, do they want McDonald's having court? They, do they want a mayor McChee's out there holding a sexual harassment court because it is exactly the same. Having a school do it. It's just a fucking company that rapes you in every possible way financially that they can through mandatory room and board, new courses, general ed requirements that you will never need and they know it just so that they can force you to be there as long as possible To drive up your loan as high as they can to milk you for it for the rest of your life in small amounts

It's not a relief that you don't have to pay it back immediately It's a it's indentured servitude that you're stuck with for the rest of your life because they know it's not worth anything of your life because they know it's not worth anything. If anybody should be on trial for sexual assault on campuses, it's the fucking schools themselves. The campus itself. ACLU. Oh, it's an unwelcome product on the basis of sex. It's so severe, persuasive and objectively offensive. It effectively denies a person equal access to education. That's the new standard. Seems fine, right? Stay in your fucking lane.

Stick to what you guys do good, or what you claim to do good, which is educating. You're not investigating sex crimes. Are you? That's not. I'll raise tuition even higher now. Yeah. Raise it even higher now.

That was the, um, that was the ACLU wins this week. Um, let's see here. Did you read about the, the Florida kid accused of murdering his mom? I saw something about that, but I didn't hear about it too much. Kid strangled his mom over a D grade. They got an argument that he got a D. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Strangle his mom over 30 minutes. I buried her in the way. Sounds like you got a D in strangling. Yeah. I think we should, I think the kid is't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don. I don't. I don't. I don. I don. I don. I don't always need to nag us when we're kids and we don't know any better and you fuck us up for life so take fucking notice. We got nukes.

We got nukes. There's gonna be a quick war moms. We got strangling. That's on the table now. I like that part of it. You don't want to mess with a teenage boy. I mean, he's been jerking off like six times a day every day. You know how strong his hands are?

Yeah. You forget that, moms. See, it's the war on moms. That's what we should be fighting. That's my contingent in the Civil War. Immediately. The first copper pipe. Anti-mom squad.

We got to get those moms. We got to get the mom like operation paperclip, but we got to get the moms. We got to take them out. Take them out. The rest will we got to get the moms. We got to take them out take them out The rest will fall go after the moms first Kid strangled his mom Let's see first question. I asked I yeah, she died. Okay. Just check it just double check it

Want to make sure you finish the job? He did it took him 30 minute. He took a break to order a pizza. Yeah, right? I mean you made you made your bed, right? Mom you did you had this thing and made it so he's getting tried as an adult. I don't really think that he doesn't have another mom to murder right Right? I'm just murdering someone else's mom. Yeah, is that what the concern is that he's going to go on a mom killing spree? Yeah, it seems like a self-limiting crime. Yeah. He achieved his, he climbed his Everest. Unless his dad gets a sex change, there's no reason, there's no way he's going to reoffend.

Yeah, I'd say society's out of danger. I think we should, I think we need to do a, we need to have horse like spooky stories like this for moms. The ones that they tell the kids, right? Oh, if you don't eat all of your vegetables, Johnny, the audio engineer is gonna come to you and you sleep and lick your ears. Like, stuff like, like, moms do that. They abuse that shit all the time.

They need, we need one for the children well if you if you tell me to do that again this guy will come the kekastani killer will come and strangle you in your sleep but it is florida so that's a semi like that's a semi regular occurrence out there strangling mom's well yeah it's that place is so fucked yeah why is it so fucked. Yeah. Why is it so fucked? I don't know. But it's always like, have you seen that Florida man Twitter account?

Yeah. Florida man does such and such and it's always ridiculous. It's a guy's face when he's on bad so. Yeah, so a kid strangling his mom over the D because he couldn't play Minecraft or some shit anymore. I get it. I get his plight a lot more than I get hers. I remember I would bring home a report card

and I brought home a report card in like second grade or something like that. All, all, all, all school, scholastically, all outstanding. Citizenship, I remember this so fucking vividly. I saw, you know, math, whatever fucking horse petting, whatever the subjects were, all O's for outstanding. Here you go. Check it out, mom.

Suck on those apples. You like O's? How you like these O's, bitch? Let's go pounding up some Nintendo games. Fucking fork it over. It's time for, you know what this means? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That means it's about time for some toys or a Russ.

I'm gonna buy those Ninja Turtle action figures. I've been ironed. You know I've been ironed them. I don't understand currency at my age. I don't understand how badly you're cheaping me out of shit. I go back now and I look at the price of these things and I'm like, what the fuck? Why do I only get one of those?

What the fuck? You're not fucking bad bad I wanted that shit? That's not fucks a matter with you. Johnny, can you imagine Dick, if he got everything he wanted as a child? Jesus. I don't get a lot of things I want right now. To be honest.

I'm just living with him now for fuck's sake. So that's what I do to my mom now. I get her like a bunch of nice and bath body works for Christmas. Which is one. No, I get her like a bunch of nice and bath body works for Christmas. Which is one. No, I get her the whole thing, but then I take it out, I take the lotion out and I give her one squirt in her hand.

And I'm like, well, come back next week and you can have another squirt of the lotion if you wish mom. Came home with all those. Here you go. Check it out. She goes, well, in this citizenship, you're not looking so hot.

Disruptive, you got a S for satisfactory, not outstanding, and an N for needs improvement in community. And I sat there with the most stumpedest look on my face going, who the fuck cares about citizenship? Am I gonna get a, what the fuck is the citizenship? That's just me busting balls and it's fucking boring. You go if you love being a citizen so much. But you report to the fucking DMV and way around there all day

and have them grade you on your fucking citizenship. Did you not pay attention to the left most columns? The important ones. The important ones? What you think in China, they have citizenship and needs fucking improvement in their classes. Mom, they do, of course, but I didn't know these types of things when I was in second grade.

So I get it. I think we can all identify with this kid. Have you ever yelled at a kid for not having good getting a D? No. No, would you ever? Kid comes up to you. Hey, Johnny, I got a D in science. That's probably why I can't be a parent

because if my kids' future calls and said, oh, so, your kids acting, I'd be like, yeah. Yeah. So, like, I did too. I get it. I mean, you strike me as kind of a pain in the ass. So I'm not surprised that you're telling me these things. Yeah.

I'd be like, you said what? Tie. Nice. Give me a sense of the timing. Not surprised that you're telling me these things. Yeah, I'd be like, you said what? Ty. Ty. Nice. Give me a sense of the timing. Give him a little fist bump in front of the teacher. Did you get to, I think that too. Like I don't know how I could go to a parent teacher thing

and sit there seriously, getting lectured by like a 25 year old on my child's. Well, you know, he's very disruptive, yeah? Mm-hmm. He's probably bombs fault. She's he's very disruptive, yeah? Yeah. It's probably mom's fault. She's very fucking always running her mouth at home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Teachers just like, Jesus.

Jesus Christ. Call the police. Dial 911. And then when things got out of control, it's the final one. I remember that very well. The citizenship S is... It was the worst time of year bringing home four cards.

Was it for you? Oh, yeah. What'd you get? I got okay grades. They were like mostly B's, couple A's here and there. But man, every time I'd get like a C or some shit, or like my citizenship was always fucked too.

I was dickhead Yeah Because it's dumb. It's so boring It's fucking boring and because they're feeding you these softballs these teachers. Yeah, they wouldn't know comedy if it slapped them in the face They're just setting you up with Punchlines, right? What would your parents do if you brought home a C? Your dad show you was dick with punchlines, right? What would your parents do if you brought home a C? Your dad's show you was dick.

I'd have to show him my dick. No, it was just like, we expect more out of you. You should like that. And it's like, it got to a point where I was like, what would you get seat, what would you get back grades in? Just mostly like science and things I just didn't give a shit about. Cause I could do the work and I understood the material,

but I was like, well, fuck doing it. Like I get it. What if I fuck doing work? I'm so, I am deeply angry at all the standardized testing I had to do as a kid. I need to start making my parents do that too. Subject them to it. Yeah, when they, when they start to lose their minds,

I'm gonna show up every day and act like I'm some kind of government official. Like, well, I need you to take this test or if it'll else you don't get medicine. Give them a scan, Tron. Here's the scan, Tron. And here's a bunch of stupid shit. What happens if I do I have to pass the test?

Now, you just have to take it. It means nothing. I just need you to stress out and do it and not mess around. First, for reasons, for some reason. Uh, so beware moms because we're, we're turning. We're turning. You talk too much shit like this woman in Florida. You fuck around too much. Your ass is, you will, we'll, something will happen. Give it 30 minutes and give it, maybe, maybe watch it.

Maybe go cool off in the other room first before you start raining down. You're shit about a D. Get out your report cards. Let's see how your fucking citizenship was, mom. Yeah, maybe just pause and count to, count to 60, 30 times. Yeah. Think of that one out. Maybe I'll give you a report card. You got a fucking D in a memory today. You got a D in where's dead?

How's that for your fucking report card? A D in chicken nugget microwaving. Let's see what else I got here. Oh, God, I got so much stuff. Let me see, I know Digi Bros. Digi Bros is on. Let me play a little song first. I got Christopher the Kiwis on too.

Do you remember him, Johnny? Christopher the Kiwi who called in? He shouldn't be on the internet. Yeah, let's talk to Digi Bros first. And then here he is on the internet. He wants to call in and I think he wants to take me up on his offer to pay for The emails between him and his him and his jail jailbird But I he told me in an email that he proposed to her

so Are he's going to he intends to propose to her? So I'd like to know more some more about that. I'm gonna play so long first though. Those would be some great emails to read. I think so too. I think if I'm paying for them, I should get to read them. Everybody should get to read them, right? I think Dom and Paiso should read them. Like you're right.

Poorly organized, like usual. Oh God, and I've got Thanksgiving stuff to talk about too. Let me play a, I'm gonna play a song, we get Digi Bro on, and I'll talk about Thanksgiving. How about that? This is, this is no comment by the Hardman Working Hard. This was originally for the Asterios 2 album, but that got shut down.

I don't know why. Hardman Working Hard, patreon.com slash H. M. W. H M W H. Here it is. Now they're great leading ruined by logins. Oh my fuck. I'm played fast and loose with the beers. Yeah. And the Vandily shit in this episode. Oh shit. I can feel it. Oh,

yeah. You feel it in your plums? Uh-huh. Oh, oh. So you got it back crying, crying for men. You know when you're banging a woman and you just don't have as many pumps as you use, as you usually do, because you can get away with it. Well, you fuck up and let your mind get into the situation. And you're like, oh shit. Yeah, you start thinking with your mind and not your dick. And then you're like, oh shit, I've only got like five more pumps left. And then I'm done.

So you do five and then you pull out. Slap in the wristwatch, trying to buy more times. Look, come on, man, come on. We've known each other for a long time and you're fuck, I'm two days away from retirement. You're fucking me over like this. Rigs, I talked to my penis, I call Rigs. Like, leth the weapon and I'm Danny Glover.

I'm like, oh, come on, Rigs, come on. But he's like crazy, he's fucking crazy. He does whatever he wants. He calls me Murtog. Tag? Yeah, it's like He calls me Murtog. Tog? Yeah, it's like, give me back in there. Give me, I don't know. My talk just give me back in there.

I'll see what happens. It's like, no, rings. You're gonna bust too early. I know this. I'm fucking, right? Come on, this bitch is, this bitch is 20 pumps away from retirement. You gotta get back, you gotta, you gotta cool off, rings.

He's like, oh, my talk, you gotta cool off, right? He's like, oh my, oh my, I can do it. I got a secret, I don't need 20, I don't need all 20. I just need five, six. I guess all I got in me, trust me, I've got a plan. I'm like, oh, I'm too old for this shit. Right, that's what I, the plan that never wears.

I use this out loud while I'm having sex. Of course, you have to. I forget why I started talking about this. Oh, because of the crying. Yeah, that's what it is sometimes like. Uh oh. Ah! That's what it feels like.

It'll spring up on you. Dread springs up on you. Just like those Amazon emails. Ah. Those really annoy me. Oh. Fuck yeah. We donated, we've donated a bunch of the shit

that we try to pawn off on you on prime day to the wildfire survivors, just letting you know. And it's not even from Amazon, it's from their fucking credit card company, which is even worse. Yeah, I'm trying to load it. But, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, wait, sorry. I got distracted.

I have to go verify that it's me opening it. Patreon sent me an email too. Oh, if you're a Patreon affected by the wildfires, this is if you're a creator affected by the wildfires, this is what you should do. You have to let everybody know. It's like you're your whole business model. Oh, shit.

Hey, hey, Christopher, hey, can you hold on for a minute? I gotta get through this song and then we're interviewing a dude. Can I call you back and like, um, hey, what's up, man? Can I call you back in like a half hour? Yeah, that's not a problem. All right. Put a shirt on too for fuck's sake. Jesus. Hahaha.

Don't cut any bloody's fingers are off. This wasn't facing the other way. Here's no comment. I'm gonna go for it. It's great. This is cool. No coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, no coming, coming, no coming, no coming, coming God, these guys are good. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come comment. No comment, no comment, no comment, no comment. No comment, no comment, no comment, no comment. No comment, no comment, no comment. No comment, no comment, no comment, no comment. It's mysterious. No comment, no comment.

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No comment, no comment. No comment, no comment, no comment. No comment, no comment. No comment, no comment. No comment, no comment, no comment. No comment, no comment, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I like that thing about the penis. Rigs! Rigs! Roooh! We have chats afterwards, still. Yeah. Rigs.

You're in the bathroom just staring down like... I do, and I think about that scene from Lisa Weapon 2 where he's on stuck on the toilet. That's when I reenacted with my penis making top. All right, Roger. All right, he's a bum strap to your toilet. He's 80s girls make up to draw a little face. Yeah, sideways. He's speeding up.

I'm speeding up. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, that's no comment, no comment. It's a stereo, say it's no kind. It's starting to give me, it's going to give me anxiety. It's going so fast. And I feel like a bad dream. There they go.

The hard men working hard on Patreon go, go hit them up. Digi, bro. Digi, bro, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Hey, what's going on, buddy? How are you? Not much dick. What's going on with you? How's life since the Lollie Conshoot? That was the last time you called in. Same as it's been for me for five fucking years, making shit on YouTube, sitting around, being myself. Yeah, I thought about you recently because of the Goblin Slayer that came out.

You know that? Oh, yeah. I love that guy. You know about that, Johnny? It's a Japanese, it's a comic that's all about illegal immigration. And basically, it's a metaphor. Okay.

Interesting interpretation. No, that's not true. It's about just a guy that slays goblins and he's obsessed with it. He goes to any length to slay goblins. That's all he thinks about. It's like Judge Dread except instead of crime, it's goblins and it's set in a medieval world. It's great.

That's kind of tough. It's great to have a job of selling this show than anyone else I've heard talk about it, honestly. Well, because I understand as men why we need this, this like, this, we need this archetype in our lives. Like Batman, Dread, Goblin Slayer is the same guy, just with something different and what they're fighting doesn't matter. It's just that all he wakes up and does this and lives and breathes. The reason why he's doing it doesn't, it's always the same, right? But it's the, I love it.

Sherlock Holmes even, I think, just left fucking much mysteries. Cause we're all men, we are all autistic and aspire to autism. I'm glad you agree with me on that. That's been my platform lately. It's all a spectrum. Everybody's on the spectrum.

You're just, you might be further up or further down, but we're all on the spectrum. And the sooner you understand that, the easier it is to understand the world around you. Yeah, I agree with that. Because we all wanna be, we all wish, like we've got something that we wish we dedicated ourselves to to that degree.

And you can't dedicate yourself to something without becoming autistic at it. So, I mean, really got to have something wrong with you. You know, we all, we all wish our parents were murdered outside of an opera, right? Like, ah, man, we're all watching Batman. It's like, oh,, like if your parents have been killed, then you have an excuse for anything you're going to do from that point forward. Yeah. It's like, I used to admire there's a book. Have you ever heard of the book, a heartbreaking work of staggering genius? No, what is that?

It's like a postmodern thing. It's just like a guy whose parents both died of cancer within a couple weeks of each other and he wrote an autobiography and it's like basically the thesis is, yeah, my parents both died. So now, I'm fucked up. So here's a book about it.

And it's like, man, wouldn't it be easier if my parents both died and I'd have great material for a book? Yeah, it is an inescapable fantasy. Like bad stuff happens to people and a part, a big part of your brain thinks, fuck, those lucky son of a bitch. Yeah, he gets to milk that for,

go on talk shows for the rest of his life and have a whole career out of bad thing happen to him. Like, oh man, you got cancer. Consuelo, you got cancer, you're just wasting it. If I got cancer, it would be so funny. I would do so much fucking cool stuff. You fucking, you got cancer, you're just wasting it. If I got cancer, it would be so funny. I would do so much fucking cool stuff. You fucking, you bitch. Ah, man, wasn't anything good ever happened to me.

Miss opportunity. Yeah, how come I could never, how come I never get cancer? Fuck. Is it too much that I ask, is it too much for me to just get one inescapable life defining tragedy in my life? So I'm not wandering through a my asthma of confusion and direction.

Exactly. Yeah. Is it too? Come on. Come on. Yeah. So I came on here to talk about my dick. All right.

Let's see. Let's hear it. Love that. Those episodes. You guys were talking about circumcisions on previous episodes. Yeah, we're against it now. We're very against it. If anybody's proud, I'm going to nuke them.

I'm very against circumcision as a man with an extra long foreskin. What's what's this then? Hold on. So so I had I I'm I'm uncircumcised. I had known that since I was a child. And I always thought that uncircumcised. I had known that since I was a child. And I always thought that uncircumcised dicks, the four skin goes well beyond the top of the dick, even when it's hard. That was what I, that's what I thought.

And then I found out that's not true. That's actually a rare condition called finosis, okay? Where your four skin goes above the head of your dick. And for most people, it's so hard. At the top, yeah, even when I'm hard. And for most guys, it's like so tight up there that they can't even pull it back. Like sex can be painful for them

because it's like, it's so tight up there. But you can like loosen it and shit, it's crazy. But I thought I had a... Is that stretching? By Moses. Yoga? Yeah, you can stretch it. I thought I had a stretching by Moses. Yoga, you can stretch it. I mean, you can do it in yoga. You can wrap it around your finger and just pull on it if you want. To stretch it out.

You can make your foreskin as long as you want, basically. You can fucking use the same techniques as that guy who linked in his legs on your dick. But I'm fucking jealous of Digi bro. God damn motherfuckers God, he's got foreskin to spare. Well, I want my life as a little fucking foreskin and this guy's got two I can't get a fucking break Johnny. God cancer over there. Ah man. We got fucking super foreskin man over here I got something for me man My dick's like hard like six inches long with about an extra inch of skin. Where do you measure from though?

With this six inches from the base. From the base? No. Base of the spine. I measure my dick from Burbank. Burbank. So there's a lot of advantage just having this extra for skin. For instance, I mean, just think about it.

It's an extremely tight layer of skin right over the most sensitive part of your dick. So jacking off, now I can't obviously I can't prove this because I don't have a sample evidence, but like I'm pretty sure jacking off feels better for me than it does for most guys. Because it's like having like a, like you've got your own pussy that's like going over your head of your cock as you jack off basically. And it feels amazing.

I mean, I've been jacking off non-stop basically my whole life. You've never watched the venture. Yeah, go ahead. Thank you ever watch venture bros. Yeah. You remember a time when Brock Samson says that he once jacked off 12 times of one day just to see if he could. Yeah, I remember that.

I took that as a personal challenge. And I've been trying. You've jacked off 12 times in one day. I think the most I made it to is 10. It's not easy to jack off 12 times. Man, that would be a good, dick show contest. The sturt. Yeah.

You can jack off for no fat for no fat. No, if we celebrate no fat November, you know what, no fat November, what is like I'm going to abide by that shit. Well, yeah, it's for weirdos. Yeah, you don't want to masturbate. I'm pretty sure it's never really. I'm ready. Read it.

Um, we'll celebrate December one is going to be the Brock Samson. It's Brock's day. See if you can masturbate 12 times in one day. Get your Kleenex stocks. No. And it starts, it starts at midnight on December one. Speaking of Kleenex, that's another thing you don't need if you have an extra long foreskin. I do not need any kind of lotion or tissues or anything. Really? There's a whole casing around it. They don't, like, for a long time, I couldn't actually pull the skin like over the dick.

Like it was stuck at the top. I had to loosen it enough over the years to make it even be able to like show my head. Or set? Did you have to get the trans vagina trends vaginas thought to spread it out? Honestly, not not to brag or anything, but it was a it was a woman's mouth that eventually spread it over the head of my car. I got this.

Is this this is gross, right, Johnny? This is pretty bugged out. That's pretty bugged out. I'll tell you all the women who've seen my dick have told me that it is the best dick they've seen. And I feel that way. I women who've seen my dick have told me that it is the best dick they've seen and I They always say that though. Check guys. I thought I thought everyone else's dick looked like gross Like I used to think guys dicks looked fucking weird and I was like, why is everybody circumcised?

It looks like shit and then I found out it's not that they're all circumcised just that I have more forcekin than normal But so you thought the pruned back forcekin, you thought that normal for skin was circumcised for skin. Are you like snuff a lupagus over there? How far, how far off your dick does your foreskin go? Like I said, it's like an extra, almost like an extra inch when it's fully hard. I mean, when it's not hard, it's like twice the length of my cock. What? Yeah. Fucking quarter sleeve on there for when you take them to the bank. Yeah, like when it's not hard, it's like hand to pants. It looks like an amputee with a...

Do you pin it back like an amp like a war veteran? I could do anything with it. It's enough, I could tie it in a knot, I could tie it in a bow, I could throw it over shoulder like a continental soldier. Like I could do it all. Oh, an inch. When you're fully hard, your foreskin goes over the tip of your cock by an inch. And then when you're not, it's a full it's a whole other cock. This is gonna be a put on. No, dude. I mean, you can look up Fimosis. Most of it looks pretty much like Fimosis.

Did you guys really honest about his sexual about anything having to do with his sexuality? I would be shocked if this was a put on, Sean. I also talked about this back on me in Munkie's old show. I figured since it's already out in the ether I might as well just keep going on about it. Because now everybody just calls me the guy with the

Phymosis cock but it's I wanted to come up with a clarify because if you Google Phymosis it looks Grocer than what I have like most of them look really bad I got off lucky with the Phymosis because when I when I look it up I'm like oh Like this wouldn't be okay with this if mine didn't look better than most of them do How do they know it's not like you know nobody thinks their own kid is ugly? I Don't know I mean of outside observation has has has given me positive reinforcement about it

I used to be afraid it was one of those things I thought that like the first girl who saw my dick was gonna be Girl stop like we're looking at it right now. It looks like a Star Wars character. This, this is a different than a Star Wars guy. It's a little job of the hoodie, yeah. Yeah, it looks like a penis and then there's like a, a flesh tube sticking out the front. I think that was one of the instruments in the club scene. In the what?

In the club scene in Star Wars. Oh, the, did, did, did, did, did, did, did. Yeah, one of those guys was, it looks like that I'm playing the electric flute or whatever that was Except upside down that down. I would say mine looks the most like the like alphs nose All right, or the nose on that guy. No, Star Wars episode one the guy who like kept Anakin as a slave that guy's nose I kind of flopping around all the yeah That guy's not as much as I kind of flopping around all the yeah. Why do I do my thesis name? That guy's not.

Powder blue pod racer. Uh, that was a ridgy though. It's like Squidward. Oh my God. Yeah, a little bit like Squidward. It does look like, ha, does have kind of a little bit of that. Doesn't it?

What, this would have been a, this would have been a huge loss if your parents dropped this off. Did you bro? Oh yeah. And my parents were like staunchly anti. They were like, that's mutilation to do that. To a, they had no idea what they were in for.

So here's, there is one downside to it. I'll tell you this. It's that, after I'm done pissing and I shake off the remainder, it flies everywhere because of the foreskin. So every time I piss, I shake my dick and a little drip of piss will fly somewhere random. And if you don't clean your bathroom very often,

as I didn't before, I had a woman living with me, my toilet would just be completely covered and dried piss. And people were always disgusted to see my bathroom. I'm disgusted right now. bathroom disgusted. Right now. It's pretty, it's worse than the lolly. Antieter cockpaste. Antieter cockpaste. And every time my parents would be like, why is your bathroom so disgusting?

And I'm just like, look, it can't be helped. And then finally, I had to tell my parents, like, look, okay, I have extra long dick foreskin. You know how you didn't shot my foreskin off? This is what happened So this is your fault. So stop stop blaming me for it Stop foreskin shaving me Yeah, exactly. Yeah, what do you do? I mean do you pull it back when you piss like do you?

I don't I you don't I mean you could Sometimes if I if I like just had sex, it might be better to pull it back so that it's not shooting everywhere, you know? But I mean, that's kind of, so you just let it, so you just let it, you go to piss and you just let it rip

through the four-skin tube that you've got. Yeah. I mean, if anything, here's another thing, people always say that like, things are harder to clean. It's not harder to clean because the piss cleans out your dick. that you've got. Yeah. I mean, if anything, here's another thing. People always say that blood- Like, blood- blood- blood- blood-

blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood-

blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood-

blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood-- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- blood- nobody wants to hear it. Well, it cleans your dick right out, that's for sure. I mean, we all do that, right? I mean, that's how you clean, come out of your dick in general, is you just piss. And then you don't have to like go up your fucking dick with a tube, you know. I've been doing it right now.

Not a tube, a cute tip, whatever. I don't even think about it. Yeah. Yeah. Sean, you don't think about it. I imagine. About what? Cleaning your dick off, man. Like, Sean, you don't think about it. I imagine about what cleaning your dick off. Like, like, what did you guys talking about? No, but I also have never even found them about jamming a Q tip on my dick. Well, I just when people talk about like, when

people talk about foreskin, they're always like, Oh, it's harder to clean if you have foreskin. I'm like, what do you think it adds to the process? Like, there's nothing harder to clean about it. You don't have to, like, I mean, I spend about 15, 20 minutes cleaning my cock in the shower, so. You gotta get up in there with the pressure water showers. Yeah. How do you keep the water warm?

You just let it get cold and you just sit in there for. No, I've got an industrial water heater on my house, just to keep it. I know, when I lived in my apartment in Mega City one, I would shower for so long, just laying on the floor, being hung over, that an apartment complex, a 14-story apartment complex with probably 70 units would run out of hot water.

Like I exhausted the entire, when I didn't have to pay for it, it was, unlimited, it was like a fucking Niagara Falls. I was the same way. Oh God, it was great. I had a place with all utilities included and left the AC locked at 63 for the like three years I lived. In Vegas too, I walk into the room in Vegas, turn the shower on, just leave

it on the whole time. It's for my pleasure, for my enjoyment of Vegas. There's something I need you're sort of fatherly advice on. Okay. Because you are to all the viewers like me, men in our 20s, you're a surrogate second father, the one who makes sense. Yeah, good. And I do make a lot of sense. I wanna know how would you feel if you found out your parents weren't fucking anymore?

I would need to do something about that. Yeah, would you, would that bother you? I would need to fix that. If I found out that my parents weren't fucking anymore, that's you? I would need to fix that if I found out that my parents weren't fucking anymore That's something that I would need to address not as a consequence of like their Relationship going bad, but just that like they're not they don't feel sexual anymore Yeah, I would I would honestly if I found that out I would sit both of them down and I would give my dad a IV of see Alice

Um, I would take my mom to Victoria's secret and have like a makeover because she's got to feel sexy. I don't know how women, I don't know how women in their 50s, 60s, 70s feel sexy, but women, you know, they think a lot of shit that's crazy. So they get rid of every mirror in the house. They smash it like the villain and little nightmares. There's a bunch of smashed mirrors everywhere. Um, why is that happened to you, Digi? It's more like I heard a rumor from my brother that my dad had like somehow hinted to to him that he was like, yeah, I just don't even really have sex anymore. And I was like, wait, what?

That doesn't seem true because my parents are both like, they're both like, they seem really sexual. I don't know how to put that in a way that, I don't know, but it was just like, it was just like, it really fucked with my head to hear even the suggestion that they might not be fucking anymore. Yeah, that would be, I would be very disappointed. Is it like do I want them to be? I don't know.

Yes, yeah. Okay. Absolutely, I would be upset if I heard that my parents were not having sex anymore. Wasn't it sure if it's normal or not? Or if it is normal, is it a good thing to be normal? You gotta get them two bath tubs. That's what I understand from the commercial.

If they have two bath tubs that they can hold hands in. You gotta get a sunset. You gotta get them two buckets of saline. For their balls. What are you gonna do? You gotta sit your dad down and say, are you fucking with me or not? I told you all about this four-skinned shit

and the lolly stuff. Yeah, let's go. No, you do. I do you think you have to have a talk with dead. Just can't have a talk with me. I'm fine. Right? Because women just kind of do.

I don't want to. I know she will, but I don't want that. You don't want to. I don't want to hear my mom talk about her sex life. You don't have to. It's dead. It's all, it's all, it's all dead's. Maybe he needs, maybe you need to introduce him

to some weird shit. That's what I'm saying. Right? Why not? Five down and bucket it some safely. Why not? No, I don't know. Fire at the old hen tie.

Buck and the chicken. He's not into cartoons in any way. He doesn't even like everybody's in. My dad says the same fucking thing and always in a voice mix. Even when I was a kid and I was put on looney tunes, he's like, oh yeah, I've seen. Like he had like this point of pride,

like I've seen all of them. I don't, I'm not into cartoons. Like what about South Park? I'm not into South Park. Like when I was a teenager, he would pull this power move on me all the time about not being into cartoons. Like you fucking watch, you tell me, here during Thanksgiving, I'm gonna bring a cab meter,

set it at the table, and when you start telling me about Ray Donovan or any of this shit, any of this HBO shit that you're always talking about, I'm pulling the flag on a fucking meter and it's running. Are you talking to me about whatever shit that is basically a cartoon? I said, live action fucking cartoon that you're telling me about. Like, why does it being animated matter at all? Dick, my dad who watches all those shows said to me one time that the reason

he's not that into cartoons is, well, you know I'm not as into fiction, is nonfiction. I was like, you watched Game of Thrones. Like, what are you fucking talking about? You gotta go, well, do you believe in the Holocaust? Yeah. Jesus.

Just kidding, everyone. Relax. Oh, boy. Relax, I have cancer. See, if I had, that's what I could do. Just go around making jokes. Hey, come on, I've got cancer. They're wasting it. People are wasting it. They could be dropping truth bombs all over the place. Hey, hey, hey, hey, calm down. I got cancer.

Got the cancer. Got the big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big C, perhaps you've seen it on Showtime. Big C, don't worry about it. Yeah, man, you gotta have a talk with Dad. I might have to. These boomers, see, boomers are spoiled because they fucked constantly when they were young. Everybody's given it away.

I'm a pair to gen Xers, but yeah. You're a parent, how old are they? They're both in the early 50s. That's close to it. I think my mom might be considered a boomer, but they have the gen X personality. It's close enough because they didn't have the internet. So they just, they rolled in, they'd come into town, hey, what's going on? You mean, it's feeling good? Yeah, let's go fuck.

But then is life takes a whole they didn't have to they didn't have to discover as we do that you need to find a way as human beings to tolerate each other and to trick yourself into thinking that the other one is sexy, right? We have to do that because we got the you know One woman can't fight the internet on her own you have to help you have to help you've got it's a Teamwork to make the dream work of propagating the human species and they didn't have that because they had nothing else But now dad's got he's got out he's got hours of an hours of content available to him at all times You know, he's got landscaping tutorials on Pinterest and the home gardening network.

They don't know how, our parents never had to develop the skill of finding each other attractive. And you need to help them out. I had to bring myself kinds of sexual topics when I'm at home Do you consider yourself more of a Gen Xer or more of a doomer? What's a do I'm calling millennials? Doomers. Oh doomers because they're fucked. Yeah Yeah, well also because we like doom

Oh, yeah, Gen X because I remember a time when there was no internet. Okay, I remember I remember I remember that time, but I was very young. So I remember living in it and making I remember when the internet came along and changed everything. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe that's not a good distinction, but it seems it seems like the major. I've made the same distinction. I consider it to be like if you were an adult before the internet hit, you're an exer. If you were, if the internet hit while you were in middle school, like you're a doomer. Because the big difference is when the internet came along, you could, you could cup check your parents constantly.

Like I remember when it came along, having a nose like, oh yeah, you want to fucking argue with this? Check this shit out. Bleep, bloop, bloop, suck on that shit motherfucker. Like that was a new, putting our parents in check was a thing that happened to us, where it was like, I can't fucking believe that this exists. Here's a fucking nuke for your ass. Bam, you're fucking wrong.

Sean, you know what I'm talking about? Exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, I think that's a gen X thing. Anyway, did you grow? What makes you a rage, man? Oh, God, I had so many options. What makes me a rage, though, is people from the North who think that being able to handle the cold is like some kind of incredibly badass attribute. A accomplishment. I'm from Virginia, originally, and, well, it's where I grew up. People from the north were constantly like, if you said, oh, it's cold outside, they'd be like, oh, this isn't cold, where I'm from.

It's 10 feet of snow. I'll win too long. Up the hill both ways from school. And like, so now I live in the North. Because my fiancee is from the North, and so I moved him with her. And it is shit. The winter is shit. It's six months of non-stop snow.

You have to dig out your car anywhere you go. I don't feel more badass-ass for living here. I feel like an idiot from moving to the fucking north. I feel like anyone who lives here is just living life wrong. And like they've got a weird, like, what's Stockholm syndrome for be, like they all think it's no big deal. It's like you don't realize how much fucking time you waste by having to dig out your car every morning

like you guys are you guys are basically doing the equivalent of putting on makeup for an hour every day Yeah, getting your fucking boots on not getting the snow of the cards Waiting up windshield a slowly defrost so you can see I always I'm I always get so impatient that as soon as I can see Like three inches of windshield I start driving soon as I can see like three inches of windshield, I start driving and then I'm immediately like this was a bad idea. Like I do that too. Really just got a fucking, you might as well just, I mean, I understand now why those cars that you can turn on before you get in them exist. I always thought that was pointless until now that I get it if you live in the north. But yeah, it's.

Oh, chicks love it. I got that on my truck and I do it every time and every time they go, ooh, ooh, ooh, look at that. Oh. Because the car becomes like a big beast at that point when you turn it when you're not in it. It's like, whoa, all right, bitch, I'm gonna tame this. I'm gonna tame this thing.

And you're not tougher, you're just a climatized. Anybody can get away. And, but they act like being in the cold doesn't suck because they've been in worse cold. It's just like no matter how cold it is, it sucks that it's cold. If you have to put on a jacket, it's like that's inconvenient.

Wouldn't it be better if we all lived where it wasn't cold? It's a better way. It's a better way. Well, I'm doing my part. I'm wasting a ton of electricity. I've got a truck. I'm trying to bring global warming to the whole planet because I think it could be about 20 degrees hotter, if I'm honest. And I hate every city that's on the coast. I hope it's washed away. I don't understand what

the big deal about that is. The little refresh. Yeah, fuck them. Good luck with your nukes now, buddy. All I got to do is stand outside with a can of hairspray. Shh, keep working on those nukes, asshole. Did you grow sick already has a built-in parka? Yeah. You got to flip it around. I'm ironically just crank up the heat in the second anybody. Oh, it's too high. Like, you pussy. This is too hot for you. I'm from the South. This is also me.

I'm from South. I'm from the South. This is me. I'm from South. I'm from the South. This is me. I'm from South. I'm from South.

I'm from South. I'm from South. I'm from South. I'm from South. I'm from South. I'm from South. I'm from South. I'm from South. I'm from South. I'm from South. I'm from Like, I'm living in Boston now, and even here, it's like, the summer is like a miserable,

fucking hot ass hellhole, and then the winter is six months of constant snow. Boston's the worst place in the world, by the way. Just, you didn't have to. I live here, and Massachusetts is like the most expensive place to live, even though it is also like the worst place. Yeah. So, I don't know why. I don't know how this came to be. expensive place to live, even though it is also the worst place. I don't know why. I don't know how this came to be.

I could move to LA and the Huntington Beach and live cheaper and be a tropical paradise. I don't understand why it's like this. I don't know why anybody lives where it's called, where it's called, to be honest. I don't know why. I think it's because they're from there. They just think it's not a big deal. Yeah. I don't know. All right, buddy. It's good to talk to be honest. I don't know why. I think it's because they're from there and they just think it's not a big deal. Yeah, I don't know. All right, buddy, it's good to talk to you again.

Yeah, by the way, that Convo with your dad, I really wanted to confront your parents about their lack of sex. Before I leave here, Dick, I have to say, over the fly pisser for life, partially because I only wear pajama pants. So it's easier. And also, asks over tits, but only as a recent development. Because when you start dating a girl with a huge ass,

you realize how great ass is. That's true. That's true. I've been, I've been, I've become a centrist in that debate, I think. I have to say, I'd say I'm around the centipede. I mean, the problem is you can't, you can't mean, the problem is you can't look at an ass. You can't look at an ass.

You know, because you don't know, you can't ever write an ass by looking at it. You can't write an ass by looking at it, dude. Like, I mean like on pornography. Oh. That's what it, like, it doesn't give me the same kind of sense thing. I see what you mean.

I see what you mean. I see what you mean. I see what you mean. I see what you mean. I see what you mean. I see sense to me. I see what you mean. Looking at an ass is looking at like, oh my god, look, that sweet pair of tits. I was always a tit guy, but I don't care about the size of the tits. I'm not like a huge tit guy. I just like the way tits look. But like, well, you have a number of perversions

that I wouldn't enjoy. So, fair. All right, did you get out of here? All right, peace. It's face dancing. What else do I got here? Mm-hmm. The Fattener.

Hey, Dick, new Patreon here. I just listened to the most recent episode of your podcast. The one with Lilith, the Centabyte, and I thought you might be interested in hearing from someone with the fetish that enables her weight gain How about that? You interested in that? I am what is called a fat admirer or a feeder One who gets off to feeding their significant other with the intent of them gaining weight

ever since fifth grade The year I discovered jerking off I have only ever been able to get off to the idea of the girls in my life gaining weight How about that? When did you discover jerking off? I can't even remember it's been so long. I've got a I discovered it right away. No day one. Yeah, day one came out I was jerking off my umbilical cord when they cut it and I was like, no, my dad slapped me because you idiot. That's not your dick. Lilith was right that for a lot of men with this fetish, it all begins with seeing a girl gain weight in a cartoon of having fat female relatives or caregivers. In my case, I can

link it to one of my earliest memories. I remember watching Sailor Moon on TV when I was four years old and watching the episode where all of the girls get fat because of some evil broad. Even at that tender age, I felt something click and I've been fucked sexually ever since. Sailor Moon, anime, it's fucking a lot of dudes up. There's a reason I've been putting the word fetish

in quotes. This is not a fetish in the unusual, in the usual sense, but a parapheria, a bunch of morphophilia to be precise, a branch of morphophilia to be precise. You can look it up in the DSM if you want, but a parapheria is basically a sexual orientation that is inherently harmful or disturbing, like marriage.

Harmful and disturbing. It really is. I added that. And unlike a fetish, is not used to enhance sexual activity, but is required to get off at all. I cannot come without imagining a girl getting fatter. Oh man, talk about a Sisyphian task.

And that's hell. That is hell. If I die and wake up from my cancer and wake up and hell, and it's just, here is a bunch of porn, but the longer you look at it, the fatter every chick gets. Oh, and that's what gets him off. He loads up a nice porno and the bitch just gets fatter and fatter until, right?

Jesus. Like, yeah, that's a task. What was that episode of Duck Tales? Was it a bubblegum factory? Where's brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr So you can see what kind of company I'm in. Necrofilia, huh? I bet there's a guy who listens to the show, who's a Necrofile. I mean, you can't say there isn't, because someone's gonna come out with an email next week. Yeah, if you're a Necrofile, right in.

I want the biggest, I bet there's multiples. Yeah. I bet there's multiples who listen to the show. If you're a Necrofile, call in. Maybe it's a guy who choked his mom No shit, at an edible Microfile I want to shake that guy's hand, you know, I know it's bad. I know it's bad

I know it's grip is like yeah, it's not man. Let's build these I get you some guerrilla grips For the next mom you're gonna be the fucking mom's layer get out there Can get out there you can just show if you. If you got a problem with your mom, you call up this motherfucker and he'll show up. Handle business. Busting coconuts, right? Shh. Uh, fucker, I guess that's all I'm saying.

You did it. You made this. You made it because of your choices. I wrecked my car. No one felt sorry for me because of my choices. So you fucking had you did this. I was ashamed of my degenerate sexual desires for most of my youth to the point that I would often, that I was often suicidal. Ah. But ultimately, here comes Cat Stevens. But ultimately the dick wants, with the dick wants, and I've resigned myself to the fact that I cannot change what I like. Thus my high school girlfriend, five nine,

went from, who is five nine, went from 180 pounds to 210 pounds over a year of dating. Is he fattening her up? I felt like it. This is like my archnemesis. He said, I'm trying to get bronze eating disorders to lose weight and he's out there fucking fattening him up like main girls.

I let her know about my sexuality and she went along with it for a while until she couldn't find clothes that fit. At which point she decided to lose weight. I helped her lose 20 pounds, but the result was that I could no longer get hard in her presence because I found her repulsive after the weight loss.

We broke up a couple months later. I think that would be a good like exchange program. Like, you know, student foreign exchange students, you send one student to live in your country and then you get one over here. Like if you go to another country and live in a country, then that, they get to send one of theirs over here. And you swap.

This would be good. He wants to fat in the broads up, and his bitches are losing weight. So he sends, if you got a fat broad, you swap, like wife swap, except you keep them forever. Send me your, right? Yeah. Send me your tired, your cold, your fat bitches, I'll send you mine.

Better matches. Better matches. I'm currently in a five-year-long relationship with a different woman. Since we started dating, she's put on at least 40 pounds. Five, three, she went from 130 to 170. She has no desire to gain weight without my influence in enabling. She likely wouldn't have.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. God damn, that's fucked. That's fucked. But through subterfuge and manipulation, I have kept her gaining for years. She knows about my fetish. I mean, I don't think it takes much subject of use to get a woman to gain weight, right? Order french fries with every meal. Like,

I'm done drinking. Don't pull my arm. We already poured this beer. We're just going to throw it away. You've manipulated me into drinking it. Give it to me. She knows about my fetish, but doesn't know how nefarious my desires are or how hard it will be for me if she decides to try losing weight. I realize this is basically evil, but here's the thing that makes it even better. Another thing that Lilith got wrong was that people with this perifilia don't always feed out of a desired inertia or care for another. But instead, get off on the idea of controlling and corrupting another person. Seeing my fattened-up wife's body doesn't turn me on because I love her curves, but because I know I transformed her from a relatively fit girl into a lazy, dumpy girl with a junk

food addiction. I get off on the idea that I turned her into something that only I would like. I hope you found that interesting. Cheers, the fatner. Well. You've been listening to erotic stories from real men. It's pretty good. It's pretty good.

It's pretty good. It's pretty good. Pretty men. It's pretty good. It's brought to you by The Dick Show. Pretty sick. That's pretty fucked. That's pretty fucked. Ha ha ha. Get off. It can only get hard because you turned a fit girl. That's only page in bag.

Yeah, that's only page of notes you're throwing away. That's how you know it's fucked. I've read the whole thing, that's why. All right, let me get Christopher in here. What do you think about that? You want to talk to him? If we have to. You don't want to talk to Christopher? How could you not want to talk to Christopher? As long as he's got a shirt, we should find. Christopher the Kiwi.

Hey, Christopher, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. How are you? Very good. How are you doing, sir? You left the show last time in a bit of a tizzy, chopping people's fingers off, calling the woman's job to try and get her, calling the nursing board to try and get her fired.

Is that true? I guess so. Well, you guess so. Did you, did you, did you call the nurse, nurse Rachel's, nurse board to try and get her in trouble? Well, I know what, what's they going to do with this pen panel in mate that I'm talking to? I just want to know because it's been bugging me.

It's like a mystery for me. Like I got to know, I have this weird thing where I want to put pieces together and see what happened. So just come back with the questions and I'll answer them. Okay, did you file a complaint with Dr. Nurse's board to try and get her license revoked? Not to get your license revoked specifically, but I just wanted them to, what,

reprimander, you know, just to sort of tell her off sort of thing. Like what? What did you want to happen out of that? Well, I thought it was a bit unethical for someone in Rachel's position to use a fake name and then workers are there. And then, say those sorts of things that she said to me, and that's why I was so upset about it. What kind of things did she say to you?

What do you mean? What do you think she should have said as a nerd? I can't exactly remember, but she was really awful to me. She just called me, one of the things that comes to mind is that she hates me and stuff like that and she just says it's a nice kind of exact remember, but she says some pretty awful things to me. She said she hated you? Yeah.

Why? She's nice. Oh, she just says, I can read out some of the messages, so if I've still got them, I do it. I do it. Recently deleted here in a minute. I talked to this girl. I don't want to be talking to

somebody that's unhinged. Hey, did he talk to you? Dr. Nairis. I've talked to her a couple of times. What does she say? What does she think? Does she hate me or what? I don't know. I don't think she hates you. I don't think she has it in her to. What's she pretty negative about me when she was talking to you? No, I think she said, I think she vowed that she was no longer going to try to help men that she saw as wounded. I think that was her point.

OK, let's have a look. She says, the traces you don't talk to me, that's it. You have said mean things that are ugly, repulsive by. Oh yeah, that doesn't sound like she's saying I hate you. Just wait a minute. One of the messages says that she does hate me. One of her messages says, I'm really glad though by calling DCA like that so much, she

is pretty much turning himself into an SFL on that works. DCA, LAPD, what was she called the LA Police Department? That's stupid. DCA, LAPD and other agencies here in the USA have all his information. Hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, hina, Australia fell on, keep on keeping that buddy digging deeper. What sort of, I mean, what a nurse say those sorts of things? I mean, would she really go on mind and I mean, obviously she's and obviously she's unhinged. Do you know what she's just doing? Yeah, I mean nurses, nurses I do have a problem with because they don't give you,

they're always kind of cons when they come into you, they're always forcing you to like get up after your surgery and walk around. You're like, bitch, I'm trying to watch Frazier here. I don't come to you, I don't walk up to the desk up there and make you do fucking laps. Where's just give me some more fun and shut the fuck up. You're not, this isn't, you don't, this isn't your bed.

You don't sleep here, right? You never know. This is the behavioral, the inner outside of where, you know? This, it doesn't really matter. So you reported her? Yeah, I mean, I'll work. I mean, what do you mean you did? I did, what do you mean?

It was a bit fruitless because she's using a fake name and the DCA will give me all these mixed messages saying, I hit some funny suspicion that the DCA, i ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni Rachel, I think Rachel was colluding with them, but the DCA would sort of keep in tight lips. They weren't really telling much. I think they're hiding something from me. They're talking to Rachel, but they didn't let on the DCA, didn't let on that they were talking to her. What do you think they were having for you? I honestly think they'll just covering up for a really, but because of very nasty attitude. Yeah, but they're actually trying hard that they knew that I was talking about here, but they're trying to sort of cover up for I think, and that's why they said that they couldn't

find her name, but they knew exactly who she was talking about. Okay. Well, but you're done with her now, right? You're not... Yeah, I'm pretty much done with the year. What would it take for you to be totally done with her? You don't think she's interested in a relationship or anything like that, right? No, no, I don't think she is now. I don't think I want to be with someone like that, either.

But anyway, I mean, to be honest honest with her if she's still here. There is a message that she has sent. And would you believe this is coming from a nurse that I mentioned I can kill people with bare hands and there's nothing to do with being a nurse. It's Krav Maga bitch. Oh, I mean, what sort of person would say that, you know, what sort of, I mean, what on earth say that sort of thing? That she could kill somebody with her bare hands. What was the context though? I don't know. Kiwi is

really relations. But the thing is, she said this to one of her patients. She would definitely get more of these. No, she didn't say that to one of her patients though. Oh no, but this is exactly the reason why she thinks she can get away with it because she knows that she can do that. Use a fake name and get away with everything. Yeah, I don't think she's using a fake name though because she actually got the report that you filed? Yeah. I don't think she's using a fake name though, because she actually got the report that you filed against her.

Well, not what I heard, because when I received a response, I said that I couldn't find her, there was no one listed under that name. What did you tell them her name? So, what did you tell them her name was? The love of my life? This is why I'm saying to you

that they're actually trying to hide, they're actually covering up hide their actually cover up for you know. So yeah, but you're done, you're done now with their. Yeah, I am. Yes. Okay, because you want to turn your attention. Here we are. Here's another Mr.

Chow. Chow, I treat others as none of your damn business. Just know that I hate you. That was the one. Well, that is if that is very rude. I think we can agree. Needless, hurtful, typical, typical, broad, always got to have the last word. The broads, they do always have to have the last word. I thought broads were fat people. No, broads are, it's a pejorative for women. Okay. So what does say pejorative

about it? I don't know. It's just like an old timey phrase that you say, like, games, brads, it's like a dismissive word. Let's get, let's get, makes the jail pin pal. So you want, look, I want, look, I want you to be able to talk to your gel pen pal. I was thinking about it afterwards and I saw, um, did I do the right thing proposing to her? Sorry, what's that? Did I do the right thing proposing to her? Well, what did you say? I said, I'd like to, um, I don't know how to say this, and I would be honest, but I'd like to spend the rest of my life a few days while I sit there. Where did you say that on an email?

It's snail mail. Snail mail. When did you send that? Probably about three days ago. So it's like, it's somewhere in the Pacific Ocean right now flying over to Texas where she's in jail for trafficking men. Yeah, yeah.

Did you, what was, can you read the letter that you sent her? Did you sweeten her up? Like women, they need sweet talking and lies. They need a bunch of compliments. What did you say exactly? What's in it for her? All right, I'll be the give them, I've got them in the fall.

Is this the right home? It's a wet minute. Okay. You got to send her like a koala heart or something. Yeah. The male screener's reading all these. It was obvious that I can't really send, I can't send you money. That's one thing. Well, you don't have to be fair. I can't send you a

present, I can, I can, I can't send what? Anyway, I can't send, there's not very much at all that I can send because of prison regulations, you know, I can't send it. What would you send if I could send or something? Oh, damn, yeah, I forgot like to ask you. Would you send a prescription or something? Well, oh, damn, yeah, I forgot to tell you, I'll send you a Christmas card. That's what I said. They're earlier Christmas cards, so I've seen a Christmas card. Well, I'm gonna send you a Christmas card today, actually.

So you haven't sent it yet? No, I haven't sent it yet. Okay. I've been meaning to send people Christmas cards for years. Never, I just never get out to it. You know? Never. Okay, let's have a look. So you snail mailed her a proposal.

Yes, I said, I read that to you. Danny, this is my third letter after sending two on the post to you yesterday. I want to repair any damage I may have caused by getting upset. It's just that I feel for some reason that you're saying one thing and another, for example, you said in one letter to get, for example, you said in one letter to get my legal issue so that cycle come over, but the internet and you had to pass. No, no, no, no, that's not completely true. My bowel conditions have changed.

What you saw on the internet was ages ago. Everything's changed so much. Okay. So what did you go, what did you get in trouble for and what are your bowel conditions right now? Well, I got in trouble because I come from a country called New Zealand and I'm currently living in Australia, so it's just across the Tasman Sea. If you know where New Zealand is, if you know where Australia is.

I do. Sean's been there. Sean, you've been to New Zealand, right? I have. Well, that New Caledonia. He says it's beautiful. Well, that's not New Zealand. That's that's part of that's part of France, I think. Oh, yeah, it's a French. Anyway, I've been to New Zealand. I come from New Zealand, right? And I travel to Australia and that's where I'm living at the moment. Okay. But where, but where is born on New Zealand right and I travel to Australia and that's where I'm living at the moment. Okay.

But where is born on New Zealand? I experienced a lot of bullying and stuff from school. Like people used to pick me at school and stuff like that. People pick on me all the time. They tell me I have a small case. But it sucks. But anyway, what would they pick on you for? It just lasted until I was an adult, but I'm,

what would they say? And I can't really still experience it now, but, what kind of stuff do they do? Well, like, what do you say, because bullying's hard to define, what would you say? I can't, I can't really describe it. People call me, they call me fat ass.

Look at how fat you're so fat that your head looks like a tiny face and a pump. I got it in the workplace. I call me King Hip-Hit. I got it in the workplace when I was in Polar's. I got it in the van. I just drove and stuff like that. Anyway, as a person, I tend to hang on to things a lot and I can't forget about the past and I might hold grudges for about 20 years or 30 years and I

often wonder how to let go and that's where I've got my phone. That's frightening. Hearing you say it's frightening. But anyway, when I was Australia Australia, I've threatened these people on my birth Country from overseas from Australia using the telephone internet and nice and I sort of Threatened in the violence and I stalk them using the phone internet. Okay, and would you do? Would you say and I got away with that for about five years and then all of a sudden I got There was a complaint and I got arrested for it. And it sounds really stupid because I wasn't even in the country

where I've, three of these people, I was actually threatening them from a different country. So that's stupid because you were in a different country. Yeah, exactly. But they were still afraid. I know. Yeah. I mean, that was your point is to make them afraid for their...

What did you say to them? Yeah. Did you say you were going to lift them if they didn't turn in their guns? I think, well, I actually said to a lot of the females that I was going to cut their tits off. Oh! Jesus! Can you still hear me? Yeah, yeah.

I see that I was going to cut the tickets off and stuff like that. I like this down. That's really bad. It's just an anonymous account. How often were you texting? Were you sending them this message? Yes, I was, I was, I was going to cut the bridge off and stuff like that. How many times?

So you're a house man. Quite a stuff like that. How many times? So you're gonna have them. Quite a few times, but. How many times, 50? I don't, I'd have a day. A hundred every day? But anyway, but anyway. Now I need to know, I need to know that one. How often would you tell them that?

Probably at least one or two times for each person, but I've got a thousand. What do you mean one or two times what? That's it just once or twice. 17, I got charged with 17 council threatening violence with stalking. Okay, how many times did you tell him that each one? How many messages did you send out total?

Over a hundred? A hundred, no. I've got all the statements actually, but but. What do you think though? You got it, you remember, you seem like you got a good memory. How many did you send down? I've no, I haven't counted, so.

I guess. Guess. Probably two each. Two each. It's not that many times. Yeah. Anyway, I'll just finish it later, I'll send you out. I've just threatened moms with strangling all of them twice

this show No big deal Every mom is Laura is Laura is Laura enforcement pretty strict in California. Is it? California yet Pre-strict yeah like say for example, I threatened someone will they turn up a must-door step the same day or what? say for example I threatened someone will they turn up on my storestep the same day or what? Kind of depends what you depends who you are depends what you say Okay, I've been I've been talking a guy for two years and they haven't caught me

So I've been I've been camping out with garbage is and You got me on speaker. He got me on speaker. I know a fast. No, there's a bunch of people listening to the call. So, you know, it's comedy podcast. Adirty girls there. Adirty girls. Let's take this to. There's two very beautiful girls listening right now. Why do you have a message for them? You want to cut their teeth?

Yeah, I'm so hungry. But anyway, I'll finish this later. I said, I said, I want to be honest and that is I want to marry you. I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with you. I just wanted to let you know that in return, I will look after any children cooking, clean and doing your household chores in Bavari with the love you need. And in return, I would like you to be lower abidingoughting with love Chris McCatty. So that's what you sent to us now, Will?

Yes. You think you're going to get a response? For that, I mean, you can't leave the country, right? What are your bail conditions? Well, I've got to get my cool stuff so that. And also, there's the money issues, but I don't even know. I might be, I think I'm pretty much dreaming,, I'll be, I think I'm pretty much dreaming, I think. Yeah, I think you're pretty much dreaming, man. Yeah, well, I think America is going to

have them, but I mean, the thing is, so they have much money, I may hate only a small man in the bank, but it's not for us. Me, if you're a long time. Well, look, I've got several, I've got a lot of bears who got a disability, I can't work. Sorry, the taxpayers are paying for this dream. No, no, no, no, but I think America is going to happen really, but well, I'm here to be that miracle. I want, I want you to be able to talk to this woman in Texas that you've struck up some kind of rapport with. It's a lonely world journey, the audio engineer. But you wouldn't be able to help with my air. Anything

like that? Would you? Your air. Well, see the thing. I mean, look look I paid for a guy I paid for a guy this week to go to his sister's funeral because he said he couldn't afford it I flew him out there but that guy's not that guy's not calling women's jobs and and trying to get them fired though that's the problem Christopher you were doing you were doing that exactly, I felt pretty much agreed with Rachel with some of the stuff that she said to me. I thought, well, I can't really get away with that. That still went to me if she's on the job. The first thing job, you know, I can't really get that. I mean, you can also just get, if you can also just let her go. I mean, if she's going to treat me like that, I mean, God knows how she treats people in their workplace because,

you know, um, okay, I, I, how about, how about this deal? I got a deal for you. I got a deal for you. I'll pay, uh, how much is it to email this, this girl in Texas? I've got no idea. Um, she's deleted me on the email. So you have to, um so you'll probably have to write. You'll probably have to write to it because she's pretty much restricted and she's deleted my email, so I don't know. She wants to email me. We'll figure it out. Anyway, if you've got a post of Dreset, it's probably the only way you can communicate with us, so wanting you to do this.

No, I need an email. I need it instantly, man. I need it instantly. I will pay a certain amount for your emails. Let's say, I'll pay 10 bucks a week for emails, for what was her name again? Well, you have to, you'll have to, why can't you just send her a just a short note?

Well, because I mean, you can't email her instantly because she has to add your email. You have to send her a snail mail later with your email address and she adds your email to her personal email. I can do that, but I want to make the emailing happen. I want to get instant feedback. I'm a child of a modern child.

I need instant gratification on these things. I can't be a man. There doesn't have any pens in the house. No, no pens, no pens at all. But I do want to see, but I'll pay for these, but you have to let us see them. You have to let us see these emails. Is that a, is that a, and you have to swear,

you have to absolutely swear that you're not gonna report people from now, you're not gonna report women from now on. You have to swear to them. So you have to swear to them. So you have to swear to them. Can you just, can you say this all again and what exactly must you have to swear to that. So you have to swear to that. So can you just can you put can you say this all again? What what exactly must you have? You have to send me all the emails that you get that I that I will pay for the I'm paying

for them. Basically, man. And you have to not I don't have any I don't have any emails from a large I'm moving forward moving forward moving forward. I don't think I'll stay don't understand what you mean. Well, if I pay for you to email this broad in jail, you've got to send me the emails that she sends you back. Okay, I will. Okay.

And you have to swear that you're not going to, you have to swear that you're not going to hold any grudges against people or call their jobs or anything like that. So, so why do you want me to forward her emails to you? Because I'm interested in this story. I want to see what she has to say. Okay. I mean, she's close. It affects me more than you.

She lives in my country. But, but what makes you think I'm going to report? Because you, because you have been, because you've been banned from the internet by the court for fucking with people and you called and you submitted some kind of a thing to fuck with Dr. Nurse about her job. You guys stop doing that. What was it that bad thing for me to do? Yeah, yeah, it was. It was. You can't listen. Listen. Those avenues exist. So people who are the smartest people in the world can report people for misdeeds. They don't exist to report chats online.

We don't have that system to report negative chatting. That's not, you don't live in the country. Don't do it. Okay. You guys swear to that. Okay, I'll swear to that. But the thing is, if I, are you saying to me, it would be different if I was a patient of his,

then it would be okay for me to do that. Is that what you're saying? That's right, exactly. You're not, you're not a patient. That's for patients, that's for serious shit. This isn't serious shit. There's people talking on the internet. It's not serious.

I know that, but what are there, is what a qualified nurse do that. It's not, it's not for care care. It doesn't, it's not, it's not, it's not fair. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You got to swear it. Look, life's not fair. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter if it makes sense. It's not fair. It's not fair. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it makes sense. It's not fair. It doesn't matter if it makes sense. It doesn't matter if it makes sense.

It's not fair. It doesn't matter if it makes sense. It doesn't matter if it makes sense. It doesn't matter if it makes sense. It doesn't matter if it makes sense. It doesn't matter if it makes sense. It doesn't matter if it makes sense. It doesn't matter if it makes sense. It doesn't matter if it makes sense. It doesn't matter if it makes sense. report people. That's it. Okay. But there's a matter of. Okay.

You swear to that? So, what if I hit, so who do you think I'm gonna report then? Anybody. Okay. You can't report anybody. If a guy shows up at your house tomorrow and fucks you up the ass, you can't call the bullet, you can't report anybody. Anybody.

What? You can't report anybody. What do you mean anybody? The thing on here, are you saying to me that, are you, you may report people when you're a chat or what? Anybody online? But what if someone in my country assaults me? Are you saying to me that I can't report?

Yeah, you can do that. You got to run it by me. First, if you're going to, every time you're going to report somebody, you got to ask me and I'll tell you yesterday. Oh, hang on, why? I mean, are you saying to lock it up? This is where? This is the If it comes up the door. This is the deal.

This is the deal. It doesn't make any sense. So if someone comes up the door and starts abusing me or shelling it me, are you saying to me that I need to ask you first? Yes, yeah. That's really, that's confusing. Why?

Because you're reporting everybody you're not reliable you're porting people for nothing the boy who reported what yeah you're the boy reported what let me let me try and make this clear are you saying to me are you trying to do this so I don't get I don't get in the trouble with myself is that what you're trying to do yeah yep I don't want you to get any more trouble so you say you're doing this my own well-being is that what you're trying to do? Yeah. Yep. I don't want you to get any more trouble. So you were doing this right, I mean, well being, is that what you're saying? Yeah, correct.

Okay, okay. Right. Oh, well. You think about it, email me and let me know. I gotta go to the bathroom over here. I gotta take a piss and then read Thanksgiving problems and then try not to cry. But you haven't. I'm gonna, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've got to do it. I've got to do a number two. All right, you let me know. Let me know. You let me know. Let me know how that goes. Yeah, all right. Goodbye.

Leave me that. I hear what guys. How the proposal goes. I can't. All right, and let me know if you want emails back. We can get those emails. No problem. Also the number two. Hey, say'll. All right, and let me know if you want emails back. We can get those emails. No problem. Also the number two. Hey, hey, are you there? Yeah. Are you going to see in a short night to the sim might ask her, she can add me back on the email again?

If you agree to these terms that I'm saying, you gotta stop, you gotta stop reporting people online. Okay, does it include everyone that you don't know? Everyone. People, you gotta drop all your vendettas. All your holding a grudge. You gotta drop all those grudges. Okay. You swear.

Will you be able to write me up a contract and see me at Tommy and I say I agree or something? Yeah, and I'll get a real lawyer. I'll get a real lawyer. I'm a very powerful man in America. I've got all, I've been sued for $300 million and I won. I have all kinds of lawyers, tens of thousands of dollars of money. I've paid the lawyers. I can write that up immediately. Can I, can I ask you a question? Are you, are you a multimillionaire?

I mean, you know, Bick, nobody knows how much B bitcoins are worth really. So, may I, let me just say something, are you a very rich person? Is that bicycle? Are you a good at walking? I've got a beautiful house. I've got many, I've got desks of fine mahogany and oak. I have many expensive liquors. Is, is, is medic, is medic's an ass Aussie? Yeah, medic, it's medic's an assosy.

Yeah, man, it's just a fuck ball. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, man, Jaina. Yeah, he's a fuck he's a cock. He's a cock. All right, Christopher, I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta go. You think about that point. All right, get out of here. All right, it's Christ. I gotta go to the bathroom. I'm gonna be out back. Sean, if only you could see the chat log right now. Guys fascinating to me. Don't you think? That guy was a fucking trip, man. File him under the bugged out category, too. That should've was pretty bugged out.

It's wild. Fucking amen. He reminds me of the bad guy from True Grit. Josh Brolin. Oh, he's against me. You know? 30-year vendettas. Yeah, 20-year vendettas. Everyone's working against me, you know? 30-year vendetta. 30, yeah, 20-year vendetta.

Everyone's working against me. It's like, oh man. Uh... Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha I'm good man, my life is going perfect. What do you think about that guy? I think he's got some reality kind of problems. Kind of reality problems. Yeah, where he kind of reads into things that aren't necessarily there when it comes to how much people are thinking about him and working against him. Do you think that he's going to be my completely non-professional layman opinion? All right, here's some advice questions. I love these. This is from Vogue. Hey, Dick, I was

wondering if you had any advice you could give me. Here's a bit of background information to help set the scene. I'm a 21-year year old college student who doesn't have too much experience with women. I dated the same girl for six years and we ended up breaking up half a year ago. So I didn't really get to experience picking up women or having crazy high school sex. 21, he didn't get to experience picking up women. That's when it starts. But before alcohol exists in the equation, you're just stabbing, you're dick in the dark, right?

Like, 21 is when the picking up begins. You know, there's nothing before that. I used to have, thank you. I used to have some pretty bad self confidence issues. So I was 100% a pussy. I was 100% a pussy whipped bitch. She was constantly going to parties with her friends and getting drunk.

And I would just stay at home feeling sorry for myself. Ah. During the last year, I dated my ex. Things went pretty bad. And she was constantly taking out her anger on me. She needs to take out her anger on your dick. That's what I'm talking about. All sex basically dried up.

And my balls felt bluer than Sean's beautiful eyes. Are your eyes blue? The rays will actually. Yeah, they're green. I didn't think they were blue. And I never said anything to her because I was scared that she was gonna go on, that she was going, that she was going to go

end up dumping me, which happened anyways. What do you, if you're not having sex already, what's there to be scared of? Right? That's the only reason lately she wants to hook up and will hit me up with the occasional booty call, but I turn it down every time because I know she doesn't want to date me again.

If she wanted to get back together, I know I'd say yes in a heartbeat, but I'm afraid of turning back into the pussy whipped husk of a man I was not too long ago. What would you do? How do I show dominance and confidence in a relationship so I never end up a pussy whipped cup again? Should I try to win her back or should I get into the game and just try to pick up as many women as I can? Well, you're at one.

So I think we've reached the limit of how many women you can pick up, buddy. No offense. No offense. Let's just brain those expectations in a little bit, right? Because those will fuck you. The expectations, I gotta get out of here and pick up as many broads as I can, one.

One is the amount that you can pick up. Any advice helps a ton, man, vogue. You gotta be a, she's, lately she wants to hook up and will hit me with the occasional booty call. Do it. Be a fucking bad guy. Try to work on your bad guy skills. Nothing will help you in life more than your bad guy skills because you can choose, if

I've learned anything from Red Dead Redemption 2, it's that you can even though you want to be a bad guy, you can stop. You can stop and pet your horse for a little bit. You can stop and pet your horse for a little bit. You can stop and pet your horse. I want to put on my bandana and rob this train, but I can choose to stop and feed my horse. The NPCs do not have a choice. They're riding the train.

They cannot choose to rob the train. They're only sitting there on the fucking train. So you've got to be, you've got to prove to yourself that you're capable of being a fucking bad guy who can hook up without a relationship. She doesn't wanna date me again. Why the fuck was you wanna date this bitch? Just fuck her.

Just fuck, just fuck her. Fuck for fun, for fun, try it. Drink until you can. You might not be able to but fucker Fucker until you realize the greatest truth in life, which is bitches ain't shit and It's so it has collectively one bitch might be shit two or three might be shit Five or six in your life might be shit, but bitch has ain't shit Right as the lyrics go you're not worrying about a man doing this stuff But bitches ain't shit! Right?

As the lyrics go? You're not worrying about a man doing this stuff to you. Little egalitarianism, my friend. Spread it around. Sky doesn't want to be my friend. Who, who? She wants to fuck. Do you want to fuck her? Do it. It will only help you. Every bitch you fuck is more experience

than the bitch fucking. A little notch on the bitch. Not. Every step, every fucking step helps you. Doesn't help them. They don't learn shit. They don't learn shit from it are there they're learning shit. They're on a different angle You got it you know understand they're not learning shit from the angles you are But you need to get you need to get in there

You need to get fucking in there be a fucking bad guy learn how to be a fucking bad guy Learn how to learn how to be a bad guy Got another one. I'll save that for one my dad's here. Here's Thanksgiving Hmm Thanksgiving's coming up. Here's what people said makes them the marriage about Thanksgiving Coach says you have a child having you have a child now added to the list of reasons it was inappropriate to get his drunk as I did That's true. Knock in Farts, my girlfriend's family is staying at my house for five days.

Five days! Three fucking days, right? No more than five. No more than three days. Superomlet. This is what makes him a rage about Thanksgiving, trying not to bang my cousin. That'd be tough. Someone can't get more of your cousin, but they can get hotter, you know?

Like I imagine, we don't bang cousins, right? Not in this state. Right, that's not something that we do, but like, that's like a binary thing. Right. Like, they're either your cousin or they're not. Hotness can just keep going until yeah, I don't care. I'll do it.

So I can imagine this guys, right? How hot is she? I don't, it matters. Five days, Jesus. How much of your cousin is she while she is? But how hot is she? Fuck her. Who cares?

Who fucking cares? Did you know that siblings have pheromones that will turn you off from them? That's why we don't fuck our siblings. Because genetically, this part of humans where they interbred with siblings because they're and produced a bunch of flipper babies. Some eventually somebody evolved pheromones or as Doug Tenable would say, God gave it.

You know that guy doesn't believe in evolution. I love that guy, but it's funny watching him argue with people because people don't know why they believe it. But every once in a while, he gets a little bit of evidence and I say, ah, that one, that one, that one was good evidence. Yeah. Yeah. That was a little, that was, that was better evidence than you're giving a credit for. But whatever. He knows what he's doing. Somebody evolved, some siblings evolved,

turning each other off when they get turned on, the pheromones that come out and the kill the cousins don't though, right? Apparently. Yeah, why? I mean, why not? NPC85282909 says, seeing my uncle who molested me, that's too bad. Too bad. Jesus. You coming home for Thanksgiving?

I guess. Is Uncle Bucketembo gonna be there? Yeah, why? Well, he molested me. Kick his ass. What are they gonna do? Call the cops? Mm. Put on a little bandana.

Pet your horse and kick the shit out of him. Get a cause blow. Look, why not? Get him drunk. Lead him outside. Ride your pants a little low. See if you can get in there again. Hey, Uncle Timbo.

Hey, Uncle, did you broke? I'm outside. What do you think about? Oh, man, it's so hot. I was just going to go outside and wash my car. You want to join me? And then when he comes out, kick the shit out of him. Run him over.

Right. I'm over. Do do something. Do something. It'll be funny. Maybe you've got what are you going to go to jail for a couple of days? He has it. Comments cops.

Yeah, he molested me, man. What's up? Yeah. I mean, can't get anymore cut and dry. That You're not a molester. Are you see it's beef? I was after fun It's we have funny story for Thanksgiving Kira Carlin tell that one for years. Yeah, I kicked the yeah, I kicked the shit out of his uncle. Why?

Molly molested him up apparently Jerry Get out of his uncle. Why, Miley Moles, that I'm apparently Jerry? Yeah. Hacked the movies says, listening to my dad cry about my mom's new boyfriend for the millionth time. Mm-hmm. Mm, that's too bad.

Kira, Kira Mizova, the 10-hour road trip with a four-month-old baby and a dog on the highways choked with third-world drivers. Oh, man. If you have a family, you're that's don't you're not going anywhere for Thanksgiving Thanksgiving is with you. 10 hours in the road fuck that.

Fuck that. Mira XO avoiding family questions about what I'm doing, which is being an internet horror. Oh, Cam Girl. Well, you know, the first person that asks you gets a demonstration and then no one will ask again. What are you up to? I'll show you, here. Get out you fucking cameras. This is what I'm up to. Yeah, check out my foreskin Punished wizard the hour when my father and uncles are drunk enough to start fighting but not drunk enough to pass out It's like hurting down syndrome pit bulls

Imagine it would be broccoli rob Hey getting asked do you have a girlfriend? Why not and be having to hear my sister with five kids who all have different fathers and that is not an exaggeration complain about how hard her life is she has no job and got 15,000 back in taxes last year. Oh man. See if you can get one of those kids to strangler do us all favor Makes a little bit of money.

Gulak driving five hours back to the town where my dad died. I found out my brother died. I spent two weeks watching my mother and the virgin death and where my grandmother died, but family, right? Kevin Double Dash, menial questions like how's work and what's new with you? Doppelganger, sister-in-law talking into perpetuity. Ah, man. You gotta put her on, you gotta gamify it.

Every, bring a stopwatch. Every time bitch starts talking, clock it, and when a minute expires, you go, time, time! Everybody will respect time, time, time, time. Make a, and as soon as she starts talking, boop, go, right? You're there all, you had nothing better to do, but eat and drink.

Thanksgiving, you wake up and start drinking immediately. As soon as she starts talking, boop, and then just stare, no one cares what she's talking about. Time, time, the minute. She'll start talking faster. I promise. Grining man, my hyper-political family droning on about orange man bad for the entire four-hour or deal while my trad-con girlfriend and I enjoy our roast beefy come and swing in man with the wall talking points, right?

Right? Be out in the street like John Qsack, except have America fuck you up on two boom boxes with an American flag shirt. Wow, hit him with your thumbs, right? America fuck you coming on in. If you have political problems at your Thanksgiving table, just speak only in inflections of the word Trump. Go, hey, how you doing? Good to see you. Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump. They won't know what to do. That will discombobulate the fuck out of them.

Okay. Why are you talking like that? Trump, Trump. Trump, Trump, Trump. It's a fuck them up. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You can always hurt them more. That's the lesson. Yeah. Quentin Hammer, the uninformed entry level political discussion that comes in, more politics,

more politics. Without me, it being my grandfather's last Thanksgiving, and I won't be there because I'm deployed sucks, And that's a suck. Lizzie Lou Lou, go into my grandmother's. After I cook and eat Thanksgiving dinner for the family, I just wanna be in a food coma. Not your, all right. It's Thanksgiving, everybody. Have a good Thanksgiving.

Go and don't take any shit from these people. It's their fault. Everything that's wrong in your life, it's their fault. Remember that at Thanksgiving, if you start to feel bad about dropping too many spicy hot takes. It's all, they all have a common. there's no such thing as innocence in this world. They all have a coming, don't take any of their shit, and everything can be made okay

with just the, I'm sorry, which is free. So keep that in mind. Is that you, Sean? Laughing? Yes, I'm laughing. Yeah, so I guess let's talk about Andy. I haven't taken a sip of this fourth beer yet. I would completely get it.

Due to my discretion. Andy Lee, who has drawn many incredible thumbnails for the show and various other works of art and posters. He's a prolific prolific prolific prolific artist who worked with us on a lot of things. I don't say work for because it was through his desire to be a part of the show that he was here. It certainly wasn't because of the amount of money I gave him, which was never enough. It's not nearly enough to repay everyone for their contributions and the amount of skill that goes into them. Thursday night, Andy posted a suicide note on Twitter.

I guess I might as well bring it up. Call of the deep. He posted this, which we were gonna do a bonus episode on Thursday night. I'm fucking, I'm either glad we didn't or I'm struck an ab'm either glad we didn't or I'm struck an abject horror that we didn't because he is a Patreon and he does follow the show. So, maybe it would have delayed the inevitable. It would have been, he would have posted this,

he would have posted this about an hour before we did the show and he would have killed himself two hours before that. I'm sorry, anyone. This is a suicide note on Twitter. I know this is a shitty way to spring this news, but I'm dead. I killed myself around midnight because I don't want to live anymore. Pretty simple. To those of you I called friends, I wish the very best to those I hate. I wish you could smell my corpse so you'd choke to death on your own vomit.

His girlfriend, this was not your fault. I love you in my last thoughts review. Please tell someone I'm dead. Don't come into the bedroom. That's where my body is. Please send someone for the rabbits. Sorry I broke my promise. I just couldn't take it. I wonder what the promise was. I'm sorry to everyone who has outstanding commissions.

I'm afraid I won't be able to finish them on account of being dead. But I loved working with every one of you and I'm glad I got to play a small part in bringing your characters to life. Lastly, I've always thought Donald Trump was hilarious, but not as hilarious as everyone losing their shit over him. I was looking forward to him winning in 2020, purely because that would have been peak internet light in the fuck up. That's it. He went out and he went out as we all should, praising and promoting Donald Trump and his legacy.

He could have mentioned the wall. Andy he had he scheduled these tweets clearly two hours after he would have killed himself. He could have mentioned Trump's record unemployment and the way the economy the economy has uh... benefited from his policies he might have promoted betsy devils as well she's taken a lot of shit but you know mention of the wall wouldn't have killed him i don't think uh... uh...

he was a funny guy uh... he did he defined the artistic style for this show for a lot of reasons. I'll tell you what he would have been pissed about though. In his scheduled suicide note, he started one of the messages with his girlfriend's Twitter account. And you know if you start with a Twitter account, it goes into mentions and it doesn't appear on your timeline So Andy fucked up his suicide note by starting it without putting a period before his girlfriend's name So it went you know he cordy loved her. Yeah, that's what I'm saying He cordy loved her

You can't you got a really yeah, you got to give it a second look the suicide and you got to give your suicide it a second look. The suicide, you got to give your suicide note a second look. That's what I imagine, that's what would be going through my mind. That's your last word. If I was like, well, did I spell, how many times did I read it over? Because the thing about the suicide note is you can't get somebody else to proofread it. Is there going to try to stop you? Like, well, maybe I hire an Indian off of people per hour or something like that.

I don't, this is just, right? Somebody who doesn't know you, you have to do these. This is just for, if you want to do a suicide note and not have any mistakes, this is how you do it. I read it on Thursday night and I post, I posted it in all caps. Please, please, please, no, no, no, somebody, somebody helped this guy out knowing that it was scheduled to tweet on the hour. So he was obviously already dead, uh, meaning that if it was two hours, he did it,

scheduling it two hours in advance, either knowing that it would be impossible to save him, or if he pulled out of it, he could stop the automatic tweeting. Right? Very smart. A lot of steps, it's hard to stop somebody who thinks out plans in advance, right?

That far out. Yeah, it's worth it that far out. You can stop idiots. But you got it all planned out. You can't stop, huh? Twitter, of course, can't do anything even though the Twitter's sitting, even though the tweets sitting in their hopper, they've got all their resources dedicating to making sure no one makes fun of minorities and Jews. Oh, that's a minority, excuse me, making fun of minorities and women. Obviously, they don't have any resources to see if anybody's got some suicide notes, queued up. We've got all these resources and we spend them abusing each other as I guess the point I was making. Andy always drew me on the show as a heroic character, which is not something that I'm being used to treated as throughout life. It's always being a villain. And all of his art for the show was as various

heroic characters, which is why his loss is so incredible for me. Not discounting the effort and the talent that he dedicated to the show, but it was his perception of the show, which is what made it special. And also not downplaying the efforts of everybody else involved because it would be as devastating if Lecambra decided to kill himself or Mad Cux for God's sake or his stereos or anybody, anybody who's a part of this collection of

people who works together, which in my eyes, people who work together is the most special relationship. You're born with your parents and they're wonderful, but they could be fucked. And if they're fucked, you don't have a choice. You choose to be in love with people and spend your time with them, but they could be fucked. And if they're fucked, you don't have a choice. You choose to be in love with people and spend your time with them, but they could be fucked. And they're based on your parents, but the people you choose to engage in business with,

to me, is entirely your own. And that is the family that you create for yourself. So losing someone who you're in the Congress of Business With projects, of creating beauty, which Andy did, for everyone is a very significant loss. He was going through his Twitter after the fact is he's got thousands of pictures for people in the like this D&D community where he would

sit all day. Seemingly he must have sat all day creating these pictures for people of who their characters are and how he saw them. And it is worse seeing that because I'm very familiar with having no viable choice in life to survive but to work constantly because it keeps everything else away. You don't become, you don't get good at something without having that in you. Music, musically, artistically in this case. Things that aren't inherently valuable in and of themselves. Or maybe, you know, maybe, maybe guys working on cars have it too. I don't know. I don't know how to do that. But anything artistically is, I think people throw themselves into escape from what Andy

ultimately could not. It was, it's terrible because you, I read these tweets of his that he was gone and you have the, you, you get the dizziness, you get the, um, um, um, ambiguous of reality instantly that fades away that I'm sure you feel leading up to something like this suicide where things compound and become hazy and you can't see the future or the past or the people around you. And it sticks, it's the moment you see something like this, it sticks on you. And it takes a long time to shake off. His girlfriend tweeted some things as well

that I think were very interesting. I'll read them. I think we all wish there was a joke for a while and we couldn't understand why people weren't knocking down his door and finding his fucking body and trying to, you know, give him a high five of God, like Dr. Todd from Scrubs. Was that it? I hear laughing. It must have been that reference. It's fine to find him for fuck's sake. Count Daniela tweeted him and I think him for that saying Twitter support, get on this, you have this information, you have this information, do something with it. Please, please, please do something with it, but that didn't matter, he was already dead.

Here's what she said, and it makes it worse because it's exactly what I thought it would be. I've gotten a lot of follow-up requests from following Andy's passing. The only ones I'm accepting are the handles I recognize from his talking about them and family accounts as well. Nature does a lot of people appear.

There's a lot of nosy bastards. I saw a comment on his Reddit thread about trying to turn his joke about the stench of his corpse into being a revenge suicide. That was my favorite part of the suicide the Trump stuff. I I'm gonna start drafting my suicide note today. It's just gonna be 10 pay all about Trump I'm gonna write it and write it until I die of natural causes about how great Trump is You can never truly know regardless of how close you are why I think that when somebody has the idea in their head and their

When it's premeditated and Planned to the extent he planned it There wouldn't have been anything in that anyone could have said or done to convince them otherwise And he decided a few months ago that he didn't want to be here anymore and even me taking the equipment away from him didn't stop him buying more I don't know what that is I assume helium There was a suicide thing I seen on this morning a a while ago about how one person's suicide effects like two I don't know what that is. I assume helium. There was a suicide thing I seen on this morning a while ago about how one person's suicide affects like 200 people.

And that might be an average, because I would, I think this is more of judging by the threads I get. Now that Andy's passed, I do worry about people he knew attempting to follow suit. It's a big generalization to say that boys don't talk and they let it build up. Andy did talk as much as he didn't like to. And he was always in here for the people he knew who needed. He was never alone, but the fact that he did talk to people about his mental health doesn't mean it helped him in any way.

He never found counseling to be therapeutic because it just made him focus on specific events. And he just wanted to forget rather than come to terms. What he did was his own therapy, he kept himself busy. He drew and drew and drew and he never stopped drawing. He never wanted to stop learning. He never wanted to become stagnant. He called himself a workaholic, but anyone could see it was a coping strategy. The reason people I've never heard of are sending me follow requests are because of who I was to him, are 16 years of friendship and seven years of those. There's lovers. There's nothing I didn't do for him. I did absolutely everything someone

possibly could. I know he loved, I know he loved me right up until the end and that in itself couldn't save him. Nothing could have saved him. I realized that this is coming across as very matter of fact. And that isn't what people wanna read, but this is all I'm going to give you. The important thing here is I'm a best friend to I yesterday, but all you need to remember and for who he was to you. There's more, but there you go.

I, But there you go. I... If there's some way we can give them, if there's some way we can raise funds for bandiers, family, we will not before Christmas because everybody's strapped for cash. Maybe we'll do it in April or something like that, sell some of this stuff, give it to his rabbits, I guess. Or maybe he, I wish that in his,

I wish that his enemies, he would have given a list of, could have found them and kicked the shit out of them. Straight out of them. I thought we had a deal with the suicides. If you're gonna do it, you gotta max out your credit cards on patreon.com slash the dick show. Buy some merch for fuck's sakes, we got hats. Thought we had a deal.

Just like Amazon. We gotta, yeah, yeah, yeah. We gotta have a deal. We'll do it later. But there you have it. Last week that guy Indiana Atwood sent in an email saying his sister was murdered, I remember. And I got her, I got him a flight because he couldn't afford it to fly to the funeral. He asked what, what can I do for you? Give me this expensive flight home so I could go to my sister's funeral, what can I do for you? Give me this expensive flight home so I could go to my sister's funeral,

what can I do for you? And I typed out, don't kill yourself. For God's sakes, don't, please don't. But then I deleted it because you don't wanna put that idea in someone's mind. And then right after this, so. Here you go. I don't know if I have anything else to say about it. I guess people could have a moment of silence, but I really don't think Andy would have wanted

that. I'm going to draw the thumbnail for this week, because that fucker got me with the me as a woman thumbnail for the yeah. So I'll draw it for this week. I'll roast his ass. I don't know what kind of tribute he would have wanted. I guess he got what he wanted. All right. This has been the Dix show patreon.com slash the Dix show. We're going to I got some Captain Jackass news after that. It's a tremendous loss. One that's very understandable. Here is Cameron Clark, the fireball Johnny, thank you for coming in. Sitting in an audio engineering, deleting whatever you have to delete over there.

A lot of things. A lot of things. Things are always popping up all the time. Like pop-ups. Being an audio engineer, you've got to just delete all kinds of mistakes happening at all times. It's whack-a-mole basically. It's whack-a-mole basically.

Here's Cameron Clark with Fireball. You might think I'm rotating you down. I nearly lost my mind. basically. Here's Cameron Clark with Fireball. This is fitting, I think. Oh. Love the window stays inside Did we get that Reaper footage? Yeah, we did. You want me to play it? Ha! And it was the fourth beer that prevented the crying. Three wasn't enough. Three's company. Three's company. Four is a crowd.

You will not cage this right now. I'm on the stage. I can't. All right. All right. I think I really fucked up playing that very upbeat song after talking about it. Hold on. Let me see if I've got something sadder. He's buddy played Wonder Wall for him because he hated Wonder Wall.

I don't remember his friend's name though. Does anybody have the link? Hey guys, I'm going to take off. All right, bye, Sean. See you, Sean. I had to do some fan-liss shit. Yeah, bye. Yeah.

I'll see you in the good things, Kevin. You too. All right, later. I don't know how I'm supposed to jack off now to the thumbnails for the show. I mean, everybody's capable of drawing big tits, but Andy did it every time. See, everybody else sneaks every once in a while, they sneak it in, but Andy would do it every fucking time. Now I got to go through and draw my own. Look at this. I can't, right. I can't jack off to that. You see that? That's me drawing

tits. That's terrible. This is not that. No one could jack off to that. Instead, you got a guy, absconding with all of his commission money, by the way, Andy, you put your bandana on and robbed every one of their commission money, you prick. Notice, the ultimate scam. You can only do it once. A commission, he's been collecting commission money for years. Finally cashing in and all that sweet commission money.

Oh, I can't draw it for you because I'm dead. You got a house next to two pocket Florida. Yeah. Greenland. Oh my God. Is this the video of me? I gotta house next to two pocket florida. Yeah. Greenland. Oh my God. Is this the video of me? There is three of them. There are three, you're in all of them.

All right, we're gonna have to play it next week then. So I can edit that out. Fucking artists man. So stompash. So fucking stompash. You need both. You need dad, dad, suicide response and mom's suicide response. You fucking prick!

God damn it, you fucking prick! Fuck, man. Can't fix everyone at once, you motherfuckers! You understand? I need you to stick around I need this I need it I need it or else everything Or else we lose this so much power every time

Life cannot be about maintaining and replacing everything that we have, but it is You just you have to stick around you fucking hours I did it you fucking have to tell I We all did it. We all have stuck around you fucking hours everybody all have stuck around you fucking oh was everybody don't you don't you kick that one you prick don't change that though you fucking oh was you

fucking oh was god damn it god damn it uh uh was this this is supposed to be a celebration this is the year of the lawsuit This is supposed to be a celebration. This is the year of the lawsuit. God damn it.

Asterios is supposed to get his sanctions. This is not the time. Next year, put it off. You gotta see what happens next. You gotta see what happens next. You have no idea. I have such a funny conclusion to all this. It will make everything worth it.

And you're a very important part of this, but you have to stick around to see how it ends. Ah. Kill other people. Not you. I can handle that. You went to jail for killing a well, fuck them. At least give us a sporting chance. Heroin cigarettes, drugs, hamburgers. You can't just go all at once. That's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. You have to give us a sporting chance for it. You fucking owe us because all of us have stuck around for you. And all of the tweets and shit going out there. It's like all the it's the first time that all the likes and shit actually it's like Oh, yeah

And there's no amount of likes and retweets it brings a guy back from the fucking dead. Yeah Why did Jesus get to come back? Did you do anything? Could you play a fucking harmonica? Could you do something that got him brought back? He got a lot of likes, right? That's probably that guy back. No, he got all the other kids that nobody else gets to redo. Spooky Jesus, man. Yeah.

Here's Andy's body, stevy, young, jinsky, playing Wonder Wall, specifically because Andy hated it. Just, uh, we'll have to get on the park. One more time, so... Ah! You know, we need Facebook, then. We need it. We need it. And we'll go back. But as someone, they're all single long.

Try and remember all the good times. Put some good art to care guys. Yeah, see, that's it. You're done. You got a right without you done. You got it, you fucking done. You got to write it out. Alright, everybody, let's do Facebook news.

I don't, Sean can fucking fix that. Hello, Dick and hello, Dick ads. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple days. Fox fully asked Dick ads about the dumbest fight they've ever gone into with this significant other. Scott argued with his wife because he was, quote, acting too sexy on purpose while his wife's friend was at their house. Scott also drove this friend home who Scott wife says he never does for her ugly friends.

And Chris laughed out loud at his girlfriend for suggestions. You can miss that shit. So You're gonna miss that shit. So you can't miss that shit. Yeah. You can't miss that. That's- You can't miss a wife. You're acting too sexy on purpose with my friends are over.

With my hot friends are over and you drive them home. You know, do that for my ugly friends. Yeah, you know, I guess what? Fuck ugly, bro. That's right. That's what I'm fucking all about. Ash is out in her lap. Why'd you get some hot of fucking friends? He bet you best watch it.

Testing that women could be just as strong as men if they had learned to socialize differently. Chris's girlfriend was a high school dropout while he was a learned scholar with multiple degrees. The girlfriend suggested he was just not educated enough on the subject. Next we have Stain who made a poll asking dickheads if they have ever been a jail. Top results with 36 votes is open poll. 30 dickheads have not been a jail and 20 dickheads need a clarification on if one night in jail count it or not. Some of the dickheads that have been incarcerated for longer periods of time said that jail ramen is awesome and that jail itself wasn't even that bad. Friend

of the news, Johnny Olson, said he spent about six months in the cell and the secret is to disassociate from the outside world and to learn to enjoy prison with the bros. Anyone who bitches about jail is likely a pussy according to Johnny. And lastly, I mean, I think if jail was, if jail, if it wasn't for the rape, I think jail would be a fun vacation. So they're gonna work out all day. Eat ramen. Eat ramen, workout. Watch, watch shit that another guy's watching,

like maybe one day you get squirrely, you wanna take dominance of the TV and you get to have a cool fight. That's pretty cool. All the food sucks, you could complain all you want. You can mix it all together, it doesn't fucking matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter, it's got worms in it and whatever. You can just chill out, relax, read some books.

You've gotta ask questions like, oh, what are we gonna do today? What are we gonna do today? Why don't we like, we're in jail. I feel, yeah. That's a good couples retreat, jail. Mm. Go to jail for a year together?

Mm. It's not hell, it's a jail. All right. Three days, three days, and they ship her out somewhere else. It'd be a fun, I wouldn't mind it. That's all I'm, except for the rape, except the rape. Sitting around watching fucking Matlock reruns all day. You know all I'm except for the rape, except for the rape. Sitting around watching fucking Matt Locke reruns all day. You know, I've started calling Saturday Night Live

Matt Locke for the boomers. Because every time I got to talk to a boomer, you know what they did on Saturday Night Live? Like, this is fucking Matt Locke for you. Like, you set your clock to Saturday Night Live. You, you sad motherfuckers. It is our top story. The continued tension between prominent group members and admins, Stephen Bailey.

Stephen was under scrutiny this week from Muting Ble, Rodriguez, in a thread by Maxwell, the silver hammer Kimball, that thread called for the dethroning of admins, Stephen Bailey. We learned that Ble was muted because she violated group rules, specifically the rule against telling minds how to do their job. Uh, but the distinction between goofing on him and goofing on his moderation, but users immediately called him an un-American communist who needs to repent. Attorney Nick Rukeda, who's also had issues with the troubled admin, dropped in to say quote, the salt from his tears could season a Godzilla rose how he is still in this community when he's basically a phantom addicts is beyond me

i reach out to see if the comment but i was way too late because i was already in the process of recording news i apologize to steven this has been the actual facebook news for the last of the week look blad bl, I think, beyond the rules. She can do whatever she wants. She can criticize whoever, whomever she wants in there. She's the princess of the Facebook, right? I think that that's fair.

You wanna be the queen, you gotta beat the queen. You can't just mute the queen. It's just like a hydra. You got a boss up. Yep. You got a boss up. You got to bring a hell of a lot more than that. If both of those people want to, if Bailey and Blair want to come on and hash it out, we'll put it up to a vote. We'll go to Madcast Media dot com and vote in the latest poll. Someone's got to be building the wall. Yeah. Someone's got to be building the wall, Johnny, as you say. All right, let's do some voicemails. Hey, Dick, I'm just calling you here from a prison in Ireland. I'm

wondering what's the best way to escape. I was thinking that I could drive one regards right to the gates, climb over, cut the wire and get out. The second option is that I dig the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, it didn't work for the other guy, right? Another completely full toilet. Yeah, we know that that didn't work. He's an Irish prison, the Tarrer option. The Tarrer option.

Oh, man. Right? You want to hear that one? The Tarrer. You can slice that one a lot of the time. It's three Tarrer's. What time is it? Tarty, if I was in Ireland every time, I would sit in a alarm for 329 just like you'd

go wrong going, everyone time's it! What time's it? What time's it? Tarty, it's Tarty, it's Tarty, it's Tarty, it's Tarty, it's Tarty. Some asshole got their watch five minutes fast. Three Tarty ones. That's fine. If I can, I'm gonna say I get two.

Slow guys. That's fine. If I can, it's almost like a two. Okay. Slow guys. That's three 25. Ah, you got a disguise. There's a potato sack probably disguised yourself as a giant potato. Irish prison. Why do they even have prisons in Ireland? Seems like a nice guy.

That's just wants to get on. Just wants to rough some guys up. What's a big deal? Not like he's the macraise over there. We got real in America. We've got real problems we need prison for. We've got kids coming in across the border. Hey kids, strangling moms. We've got kids strangling. Look, all I'm saying is the world would be a better place if more kids took initiative and rubbed their moms out who are pains in the asses. Not all of them, my mother was wonderful, and I love her very much, and I would never think of something like that.

But there's a lot of moms out there who should be rubbed out. Yeah. I mean, that's just my opinion, right? Yeah, a lot of people. It couldn't hurt. It couldn't hurt. The worst case scenario, we've got a higher conservative majority, worst case.

Jesus. That's what Andy would have wanted, right? Yeah. You got to do it for Andy, man. That's what Andy would have wanted. Yeah. Right? Yeah. You got to do it for Andy, man. What makes me a rage tonight is tender fucking rolls. Mm. I just drove 15 minutes in my fucking piece of shit, 2,000 bits of BC Eclipse tic-shift that my mechanic told me I should fucking throw away

it's settled by repair. I told her, 15 minutes down the highway, said this world, and then she said, oh no, I didn't be 417, I meant 147, I meant 149, not again, not louder. I'm like, first of all, I'm a black man. You taught me at the southern part of this state where it's shaped that's rough, tried not to stray just all. You tried that, and he killed, was the person. You started yelling.

You started yelling. But in all he do's, and then straight into, like, oh, yeah, I'm going to get a pretty call. Let me go, knock on some straighter store. Oh, fuck it. You bet. As soon as I called her out on it, and it was obvious, I was knocking on some straighter store. She blocks me.

Obviously, I'm just wrong. It's fucking midnight. I just went through a large ass bay. I thought I was about to get laid. I thought you had a haircut today. That was on the lady, but I had to. I thought I was about to get laid. I thought you had a haircut today. That was on the lady, but I had to. I thought I was about to get laid. I thought you had a haircut. I thought I was about to get laid. I thought you had a haircut today. That was on the lady, but I had a even know how to get the blood flowing.

Bitches. It probably wasn't even a bitch. It was probably some fucking tweet. No, it was a bitch. It was a bitch. It was a bitch. It was a bitch. I'm bad.

See you like Tuesday. Oh, go find him. He did push him. It's on the side of the road. He's going to hook up with this tender bitch. And he did, look, this tender bitch and he did look This is a nice this is I take this from my own tender days You do not go to their apartment you get them an Uber and you bring their shit to you

You bet because the Uber if the Uber's canceled five bucks No big deal you could be petting horses and red dead redemption to Watching Rick and Morty whatever whatever, whatever you're doing, you don't interrupt your life for a bitch. The bitch brings her life to you. That's what, that's my fucking rule on Tinder. Okay, cupid, whatever. That's a good rule.

That's great rule. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, what's your address? All right, I'm sending him out. I'm sending him out. I'm virtually gambling in a virtual saloon all day. You gotta come to me. I'm playing virtual poker with a bunch of virtual hard men over here.

I'm playing fucking virtual dominoes. I think virtual horse. I have a virtual bounty up on my head, bitch. You think I have time to come knock on doors? When I got this virtual civil war that I'm fighting in red dead redemption too, how would you escape from prison? What would you do if you were in prison, prison, Johnny?

I would have to work my way to the top, just be king in the prison. What are you saying in the top? I'd be king prisoner. King prisoner? And then I'd leave. You'd make the most licensed plates and you'd sell king in the prison. What are you doing at the top? I'd be king prisoner. King prisoner? And then I'd leave. You'd make the most licensed plates? And you'd sell them in the magazines?

I'd make the most licensed plates. I'd sell cigarettes, I'd sell. I'd flip everything. Oh yeah. I'd be the richest prisoner with like 10 cents. I would disguise myself as a toilet. I'd paint myself and pose like a toilet. I'd be like metal, metal solid snake, like hide, right?

Well, one of my friends described prison like this. He's like, imagine two of the most gangster criminal dudes you know, now double that. Imagine four of the most hardest, like toughest criminal, you know, double that, go up to eight, you know, go all the way up. Now imagine five. This sounds like a trick to learn math.

Yeah. What you're doing you got five thousand of The world's the hardest most criminal motherfuckers. Yeah sucking each other's dicks That's what he said. Yeah, who was that? That was one of my friends Second each other's dicks, huh? Yeah, the most criminal gangster motherfuckers. Just second each other's dicks, huh? The most criminal gangster motherfuckers. Just second each other's dicks. I don't know about that. I can imagine, I can imagine Andy killing himself. I can't imagine a guy like, hey, what's up, man? You're hard motherfucker me too.

Let's suck some dicks. What's up fool, you're trying to suck some dicks. I guess. I guess if there's nothing to do, right? What are you gonna do? Can't they have like a... They get hung out, but... Can't they have a not gay stuff, prison?

House arrest. Well, yeah. They can use that at home too, I guess. If they could just... No, because I don't wanna be at home, because then people are gonna fucking bother me. Then I'm definitely in prison. People come over and talk to me and fuck with me, and I can't even leave the house by the government.

If I leave the house, they'll send a bunch of choppers and nuclear bombs over to kill me. Fuck that. I want a prison I can go to where there's no raping going on. Right? Yeah. Just this crummy food. Stay at a holiday in for a couple days.

And maybe I'll pay for internet a little bit. Yeah, a holiday in, but I want to be forced to be there. It's the raping, that's the bad part. Yeah. I finally get what all these women are talking about. How does there. My name's Dapper Dan and boy, have I got a rage for you? Let me tell you what, it really chaps my ass

when someone moses on over me and tells me that she loves her job. Cause, first of all, you know, how I know you you don't because it's called a job, which is something that they got to pay you lots of money just so you'll show up and do it. And second of all, if you are the one puffing the litter who happens to actually love your job, you can go straight to hell. I don't need you coming over here and rubbing that in my face. It's just unseemly. I tell you one more thing. Why does it seem like people who are

always going on and on about their personal way? I think it has an accent and is doing a fake accent. I'll tell you. Yeah. It's because the women don't, it's because the women care about what kind of job their man has. The way they think of men are gonna care about what kind of job they have. Boy have I got minutes for you ladies. We don't care. No, we don't care. We don gonna care about what kind of job they have. Boy, have I gotten in this for you ladies? We don't care. We don't care. We don't care about our own job.

No, we do not care about your own jobs. We might go on a date first. Some dumb broad who works at a grocery store, but has a fine figure and fantastic tips or some dumping smart chick won't shut up about the last lawyer case. But that's a real puzzle for you. I think I had a real accent but he was doing a fake accent to be funny.

Yeah. Right. What does making a racist project is video game proffetizes. Have you heard this? People who need you to get into a game. Have you heard this one? Have you heard this? Have you heard this, Johnny?

Have you heard this one? So Johnny, you've recently seen your dad's penis. Could you tell us about? Okay look I know what you're making here. Maybe I'm waiting for my own time to get into it. You're making me hate you and not want a fucking pilot. Look at what happened to you people who were like you guys see this movie even even when you go to like play it or you see it and you'll love it it's even worse because you know I hate the person because they have their custom right about you they have the control over you in some way they do fuck you for knowing you so well and knowing you better than my soul and as for our guys fuck you. So you enjoyed that so you enjoyed the Avengers did you fool tell me gravel Crabble at my feet.

Tell me, did you feel something when everyone disappeared at the end? I bet you thought they would save the day and yet they did not. Ha ha ha ha. For I have the superior taste. For I, I saw it before you and I am therefore better than you.

Ha ha ha ha. Fool, fool you are. You would never encounter such and I am therefore better than you. Haha. Fool. Fool you are. You would never encounter such pleasant reason life where it not for me. Bow down before me. It's stuckle at the teeth of my entertainment. Ray Donovan, you probably never, you probably never even

heard the words Ray Donovan fool Now you shall Forever forever and again shall you Appreciate the of influence I have on your life What the fuck was that Randy hey Randy Maxwell Kimball and Romola writing a show Would you give notes on their show? 100%.

Okay, 100%. All right, guys, I'll see you next Tuesday. This has been a ramp shackle affair. I had other stuff that I didn't get to. A shambolic affair. Thank you, Johnny, for coming in. Thanks for having me. Thanks for your expertise and your chili peppers.

Oh, yeah. Perhaps we'll use them more in the future. I have like 20 more at home. You can eat a whole one? I've eaten three of them at a time. That's sick. It's disgusting. Hi everybody.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.