The Dick Show - Episode 133 - Dick on Underwater Hamsters

Episode Date: December 18, 2018

The Thermostat Cold War, appetizers ruin every meal, the cold facts of waistlines, Boomers telling you how much they paid for their house, virtue signaling in domestic violence, the problem with civics and the American voters who are playing Calvinball, a scientist calls in who is creating his undersea future: Hampture, when to use dark humor with women, Special Agent Richard Head analyzes Maddox's creepy email to his ex, the awful, awful Mental Jess video, and an open-ended question about relaunching The Biggest Problem in the Universe; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Yeah Hey, welcome to Dirk you on dig you dig you love dig you got it the show where everything's a contest Coming to you live from mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure, I'm your host. Take my ass as a DKA, the $20 million man. Recently voted America's best Mexican 11 weeks running. I think I still have that title. With me is always a Sean the audio engineer. Hello, Dave.

What's up buddy, holy crap. Inside of my mouth is disaster today. Yeah. Cigars. Oh, those will stay with you. God damn them. You can taste them the next day. The next day and the next day after they had,

it's totally ruins my mouth. I don't know how guys do it. I love doing it. Yeah. I love doing it for about the first 75% and then you hit that jungleness, that warm, wet cigar, like, oh, this is where the man, this is the filter that separates the men from the boys

and I am a boy. I realize in that moment, a little Cuban boy, little Cuban boy who got a hold of his dad's cigar. Yeah. And now I'm going to pay for it. Now, I'll be paying for it tomorrow and tonight, and maybe I feel nothing. I need some kind of a second skin to slough off my tongue or something to start a new like those mouth guards that life guards wear so they don't get AIDS when they're doing CPR.

Wait, what? They pop those things, they pop those babies in. Yeah, that exists. Really? Yeah, it's like a dental dam. Pop it in. No shit. I'm just gonna slap a condom in my tongue

whenever I start smoking a cigar now. Keep it un-lubricated, of course. I don't need that. I don't need any lubrication in there. Right. I'm gonna hit through a cigar. The cigar is turned on enough. My neighbor tricked me into it.

He was out there smoking, and I was like, that looks cool. I gotta go be cool too. So it's kind of out there. I'm out there. You know what? What? I was just gonna say, it's the inevitable question

when you're smoking a cigar or talking about smoking a cigar, it's little, slidey asshole will come up out of nowhere. Oh, what do you got? What do you got? What do you like? What do you like smoking like, dude? I've never I've never smoked the same cigar twice. Yeah, I have no, I have no idea. Yeah. Thank you for making me feel like an even bigger bitch than I already feel. What do you smoke? I don't know. That's no good. Oh yeah, let me see your wife,

to can play at that game. Hmm. What are you smoking? I don't know, man. Just a cigar heart. A small Cuban boy. It's a, it's just a cigar. That's what I'm doing.

I'm trying to get away from this. For one second. Just let me, did you like it? Of course, I loved it. Well, then there you go. But I'm paying for it. Yeah. And it's that, what are you,. So I'm paying for it. Yeah. And it's that, yeah, what do you smoke?

Ah! Ah! Well, come on! What do you smoke as, you know, a question that is asked of people who smoke cigars all the time? All the time! Yeah, if you're just like, it's like, I'm not really a cigar smoker.

I have a cigar. Whatever someone gives me. Oh, please don't ask me that. Give me your wife. Yeah, what do you got? What do you have on your person? You say, how much money you got in your wallet? Yeah.

What do I smoke? Can I take your top off? What do you like? Fish those things out. Let me go look at the wrapper. Man, speaking of neighbors, we had a little, I guess a pub crawl, but for houses. Last night in the neighborhood,

I don't know how else to describe it. Actually, that's kind of a cool idea. Provide it. You don't hate every one of your neighbors. I don't. But I, you know what? Here's one of my least favorite things to talk about in life after cigars. After what kind of cigars I smoke is listening to boomers, tell me how much, and they all love doing this,

telling you how much they paid for their house. Every single fucking one, because they bought it when it was low, and now it's what, right? They bought it back. They've lived here for 30 years, and I paid about $1.50 for the house, now it's worth, now, you know, now it's probably worth about $20 million. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, that's probably worth about $20 million. Yeah. Okay, that's great. I don't have to piss twice a night. So your turn now. Sure, I do have to piss twice a night. What is the boomer need to swing the dick of how much their worth? In your fucking face, unprompted, I don't know where in the world

this is considered polite conversation. I think it's just a specific example of people getting older who inevitably you will talk about the past. And that's it. I mean, that's part of it. That's part of it. Move here in the 80s. It's paid about, yeah.

I traded a paperclip for this house. It's kind of something in good for you. I like that. The whole, the paperclip, and then he gets a house that would do that. It's a book, right? Yeah, I can't remember what that is, but it's all about something that's,

even if it's not the same, even if it's a lesser monetary value, if it's worth more to them, then you get, yeah. Anyway. But yeah, I think so. I think inevitably everybody starts talking about the past, and one thing you have in common is that you're all homeowners. You're having it right in your face.

And you live in the same neighborhood, and yeah, you know, I mean, I don't know, it's, what'd you pay? It's Disney dollars. It's another version. I've written 330 goofy bucks. It's like dollars. It's another version. I pay $330 goofy bucks. It's like a house. Yeah. Okay. That's good.

It's like a historical version of talking about the weather. It's managed to not die all this time just to shove that one in everyone's face. Is this some sort of a contest? Everything's a contest. I'm just gonna lie. Oh yeah, I won my house in a lottery. How about that?

Damn, costs 25 cents. Yeah, you're up. Let's go around the room. I know 25 cents, I bought the ticket in the 80s. I know all of you boomers are just dying to brag about how little you paid for your fucking houses while entire generations are stuck living at home because of your fucking asses.

Let's get around, let's go around the horn here. Who can, well, we can line you up. Who paid the least? I know you want, I got a medal right here. I know you guys hate participation trophies, so I only got one. Mm-hmm. Good. Eh. I just paid the handshake, smiling handshake, bought my house.

That got a man's worth. That's $20 billion. All right. Back when a man's word was this bond. Fucking pranks. Back before deals were made over cocaine, laden, desk. Yeah. Tell you what else makes me rage at appetizers.

Oh, okay. They got to put like a timer on them or something. Because I have never, there's not been an appetizer I have ever met that I did not gorge myself on and then spend the rest of the evening trying to find a crank on my body to increase my colon's speed of digestion to move this product through my body so I can eat the actual food.

Just sitting there like, well, you just had to eat all those little winters, didn't you? You had to pound all those little winters in little cocktail winers into your throat, chips at a Mexican restaurant or garlic bread. I'm fucked, I've never had room for the meal. No! After that.

Every time. Yeah. And it's a buffet style potluck, which is already annoying because you know there's gonna be more than enough food. There's gonna be too much food and everybody's gonna get stuck with leftovers that nobody wants, but you can't just show up. Aiden's gonna say, well, we can't go to this thing because we're not bringing anything.

So there's always, people are just dumping it away, giving it away. Like, what do you mean? You think they have a bouncer? It's gonna say, just take credit for something. Yes. This is another example of why we're friends because we don't feel a bit bad showing up somewhere and not bringing shit.

They love doing it. They love making that stuff. They do, they do. I do. It's always the women who are like, no, you gotta bring something. You have to, it's like, no, we don't have to bring shit. We don't have to bring shit.

What should we bring? Nothing. Nothing, they're lucky to have us. I might wear a tank top, to be honest. I'm gonna get how little. I'm going to do as little as possible. Sure enough, in abundance. Yeah, so much at the first stop that I cram myself

of appetizing of two meals where the food already. Yeah. And then just have so much that the liquor loses its effectiveness because it immediately soaks up into the food. It's waiting in the line. You've done it. You've fucked up again. The time when you need the liquor the most,

you've set up a wall of pastries. I know it. The timer, man. This is also needed one minute. You got one minute to gorge yourself on this and then we're dumping it all in the trash. Have you had to kind of dress up for any of these? No, I don't.

Yeah, but one of them I did. And like the instruction was dressed to impress. Well, I don't. What the fuck is this? Well, it's a, it was a gay guy's party. What do you want? Yeah. Now, part of that was other gay guy. Was it was a joke? Part of that was a joke. I mean, people wore all kinds of, now, I don't dress to impress anymore. I dress not to embarrass. Yeah. Now, there's a few, there's a few hard truths that you learn as you get older. And one of them is that when you put on some nice clothes that you haven't worn in a

while, you come to the undeniable conclusion that you are fucking fat. And there is no rationalizing it. You can't, there it is, right there. It's like you thought that you could fudge two plus two. You cannot. No. I remember these bands. You go, God fucking dammit.

You have to exhale as hard as you can to get the little clasp to latch. And then you spend the rest of the night Eating roughly half of a porto's milk and berries cake Yeah, yeah to to shove down your feelings Vomitoriums need to come back in a big way. Yeah, it is not comfortable There should be Ipacaque syrup at the end of every buffet line.

Yes. Now, before the next course, if everybody could just chug some Ipacaque and go throw up in the yard, we'll come back to having a nice, there's a nice mess. Plenty of dogs don't clean up the bar. It's fine. Last time I tried to put on slacks,

I thought that the class had fallen off at some point. As I couldn't find it, I'm like, well, I guess it broke, so I took them off and, oh man, go on. It's further open than you thought. And, vomitoriums needs to come back in a big way. Maybe I'll just do it in secret. Next time. Yeah, well, I've eaten two meals worth of appetizers.

Let's get rid of that. I'm gonna go home where my bathroom is and lock the door and put on the crying game, throw up, and then I'll be back for the main course. You gotta know how anyone else does it. Good times. Are there animals that would eat themselves to death? I would absolutely do that in the wild.

Like go there. There's animals that eat themselves sick to throw up and eat some more. I think I could get past that and just eat myself straight to death. I'll tell you what else is making me a raid. The heater standoff is on big time. Oh, in the house? Yeah. Yeah. Because...

My God. It's also this particular heater. I got one of those Ness thermometers or thermostats. So it's on the phone. Yeah. So... Even the Hawkeye, I'm listening at all times for footsteps in a five foot radius around that temperature meter.

Yeah, around the thermostat. Like, I know exactly where it is. And I'm listening for footsteps in that area. Even that's not good enough because it could be on the phone, right? You see, she can update it on the phone and crank it up to a woman's default temperature of 82 degrees. You're not lying. It's awful.

So I got a new pot and then you're sitting there and your fatness and your skin feels like a second suit of, it feels like a weight blanket, a weighted blanket. You're like sucking you down into an abyss. A lead apron at the dentist's office. Can't even get up to change it. Thank God it's on the phone or I would just melt into the couch. I've got a new policy to change it. Thank God it's on the phone, or I would just melt into the couch.

I've got a new policy of if it gets too hot, I'm opening all the doors. Yeah, so this is the Doom's Day. So this is the mutually excluded, mutually assured destruction scenario that I've established around the thermostat. Yeah, good, you're getting shit on. Nice of you to join us.

I'm going to create one a little bit too hot. All doors are open. Yep. I'll take a wall down if I have to. Yeah. Because it doesn't, because it's, again, you're stuck. It doesn't cool off fast enough. It is so uncomfortable.

I go, I don't understand why you need it. This hot, it's like I'm breathing cotton. Yeah. Can't get any oxygen. And then I can't go say, you know, put on sweat or something because I don't want that. Yeah. Again, I'm screwed.

Oh, this was a pretty interesting one. I was trying to build a, I was trying to build an average, an average person. It's like found some funny stats this week about how stupid people are, and how much they don't know about, let me find this one. Americans know literally nothing about the constitution

was the survey that I found. More than one in three people, 37%. So one in three people could not name a single right protected by the first amendment. That's one in three. Is there no? This is why, and I guarantee you every one of them is going, you've got a vote.

You have to vote. You have to. It's the most important thing. Most important thing ever. I mean, you, we can't have a vote. You don't have a vote. You don't have a right to complain. We can't have voter ID laws. That'll turn away voters. It's like, well, one and three of them doesn't know what the very first rule of the board game is, the first, the first, the man meant. One in four can name all three branches of the government. One in 25% can name it. Can, yeah, can.

75% cannot, cannot. Unbelievable. 75% cannot cannot cannot unbelievable 75% of people it explains a lot Because they think it's just a magical entity right rains. It's will down upon us, right of course They don't understand there's like a legislative process and yeah, yeah, no, there's like a whole system They're sent up to make things better for everybody. You gotta at least learn the basics of how it's supposed to work before you go changing it. Let's start there. Are you coming to vote today? Do you know the three branches of government?

No. Huey, Dewey, and Louis. No, you're not voting today then. Yeah, get out. Why is that bad? and Louis, no, you're not voting today then. Yeah, get out. Why is that bad? How the fuck would that be a bad, how the fuck would that be bad for anybody?

I wonder. We certainly all agree that at least the system is based on a sound principle. Yeah. How would basic understanding of it be in any way bad to prevent people from destroying it? I wonder if most other countries have a populist that has as great a lack of understanding as we do.

I don't know, I think most voters, most voters here are ridiculously uneducated. One in four, can name, 75% can't name. And I don't know if it's like that in the UK or if it's you know I mean I get the feeling that everybody is just cheering for their favorite sports team Yeah, so it's you just go down and vote vote partisan all the way down But they don't even know the rules to the game. No, they're cheering for their favorite team But a half the 75% of people don't even know what fucking sport we're playing. Well, that's true

Half the people are bringing hockey equipment to the Super Bowl. I'm like, well, do you guys, did you not read the rules? Yeah. Did you not read the first one, the title? Yeah. That's not the game we're playing. Uh, one in three can't name any branch of government,

not one. Yeah. branch of government, not one. Yeah. A majority believe the Constitution affords undocumented immigrants, no rights. However, everyone in the U.S. is entitled to do process of law and the right. Yeah, I mean, that's, that's a little, that's a little funny. That's not quite as compelling as one in three people. No. Could not name a single right protected by the first time.

It's like, look, look, look. There's not too many constitutional lawyers, you know, I mean, in the general public. That's a trick question, that one. So there you go. That's who you're up against. Yeah. I think everyone overestimates pretty much everyone. Damn

near everyone. No, every possible way. I wonder if half of the people listening right now are Googling the three branches of government. I mean, there's gotta be some, right? Just so you guys know, right? Should we name them? Do you know? the three branches of government executive legislative and wait, wait, wait, executive lives in judicial. Yes. Yeah. And that's working on a seven day hangover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was on Carl. I was on who are these podcasts yesterday. That's a great show. Have you ever listened to it? I have not. Dude, he listens to any podcast except ours. If you ever do want to try one out, check out Carl who are these podcasts. He listens to shows and takes clips of them and just makes fun of them.

Like his whole show. I thought he was going to break down what it's all about to turn new people on to. No. He just mercilessly rips on people. I was on his show before doing a fantastic podcast. Yeah, you just mercilessly rip on people. I was on a show before doing a cat podcast. Who are these podcasts? So of course, as you'd expect, his podcast on iTunes has about 401 star reviews, because everybody who he reviews, he's pissed and then comes and leaves shitty comments on his

show. Sure, but he's great. He puts more work into a podcast than I've ever seen. No, that's the sounds amazing. He's the only guy doing a podcast who's not actively apologizing for his content while he's doing it. He's got regimented clips set up. He's got his takes on them.

He's got bits. He's incredible. And I use that as an excuse, as I always do, to start the drinking at like 11 in the morning when I was on his show yesterday. He keeps everything a little looser. But it came up, because we were talking about the best debate. And it came up how much I would have to offer to Maddox for him to do a show for me once a month on the CU Next Tuesday network. A complete continuation of the biggest problem in the universe that he would do,

that Maddox would do with me for money. All he would have to do is sit down, bring in his two problems, and we would do the same exact show. Mm-hmm. Is that guy's gotta be hurting, right? Oh. Maddox, he's gotta be hurting now.

He's gonna be destroyed after the sanctions goes through. Oh, yeah, no, he's fucked. How much? He's already fucked. How much money do you think it would take for him to do that? Do you think he ever would? No, no, I don't think so.

I would be a hell of a deal. That's not even a thought that I've entertained. You mean either ever, but we were talking about it on Carl's show and I thought, hey, what the hell? Yeah. Why don't I pay him to do it, to just start the show over

and do it on the C&X Tuesday network? I mean, some amount of money's got to be worth it, right? It's all going to a stereo's anyway. Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, what? How much do you think? How much does the audience think? That's what I want to know.

Like, what would be Maddox's prize? Well, it's just do the show again once a month. How bad does he need the money versus how much can he possibly suppress his ego and his feelings? Yeah. I want to know what that number is. I don't know. Because if million dollars, you would have to do it, right?

But I don't have a million. No, no one would ever pay for that. Yeah. So where's the number? It's not obviously one dollar would be too little. Yeah. It's got to be, I got a number in my head. Do you?

Yeah. I wouldn't even know where to begin. Think about it. Let me know, because it's not a bad idea. And I do think it would be desperate enough to do it. So I'll get a security guard in here with a taser. We'll wand him down at the door. I got a viper tech.

Yeah. We'll put him in like a Hannibal Lecter style case. Yeah, we'll put Lucite between us. Yeah, so he'd be in here. So he'd be in canceling any semen at each other. Yeah, he would be in here. Of course he'd be in here. We have a better studio than him.

Well, yeah. And cameras. Yeah, true. Um, I mean, I'm starting to think for one show per month. Yeah, that's it. I mean, would it be like a thousand a month? You think a thousand a month? I think that's too low.

I do too, but that's where I start. I do too, but I think that's where it's like, where would he start? Well, basically, you would need, I think you would need to pay for his expenses, whatever that adds up to per month because expenses. Living expenses. I think that's probably closer to it

because I don't think he makes any money. I mean, what does, do his YouTube videos? How much, you don't make shit on YouTube videos, do you? I mean, unless you're like million, especially, you know, you don't make any. And you really don't make any money off of them. Right, so what is he, I mean, he's, what's his income? He doesn't know.

He doesn't have any, he doesn't make any money. He can't. I don't know all these things. Three grand a month, four grand a month. I don't know. I think two is closer. Two is closer. I think between two and three.

Yeah, I knew one, I knew one was gonna be low. But here's what else I discovered in my search to find the average man. As we know, 75% can't have no idea what's going on in the government. Yep. Five, this was a funny one too. I saw that obesity rates raised to 35%.

Mm. Says, that's big. Yeah. And at 5% of food stamps go to soda. Yeah. That was a new one to me. Yeah. The US Department of Agriculture, which oversees the $75 billion food stamp program called

SNAP, published a report saying that 5% of the money goes to soda and 10% goes on sweetened beverages. So we're giving $75 billion to people to eat and to add to diabetes and obesity. Yeah, and seven billion of that billion is going straight into making them fatter with Coke is going straight to Coke. Yeah. Why am I, why wasn't there some legislation pushed through that would limit

what people could get with those? I heard something about that where it's like, you can't spend it on booze, you can't spend it on soda, you know what I mean? Yeah, why not? It's always booze in cigarettes that get targeted. There's no warning label on a coke that says this will make you a big fat fuck. Yeah. Like there is on my poor cigarettes and liquor. McDonald's ads don't have to say, do this in moderation, by the way. Don't eat this shit every day. Yeah, right.

It gets funny or two. Snap households spent 9% on sweetened beverages. Yeah. This guy, this jackass working for the USDA said, rather than restricting junk foods, he has made incentive programs that encourage a nutritious foods or priority. What are those costs? A million bucks. I'm sorry, a hundred million dollars.

Yeah. So as opposed to just saying, no, you have to create an entity higher. Yeah. And then it encourages people to eat it. It's very easy to go to Whole Foods. Yeah. Instead of just not letting people buy the Coke in the fucking first place, which nobody would ever do because it's delicious and addicting.

And it's the only way you can get high because every other way to naturally get high is illegal. Yeah. However, there's evidence that says that was not effective trying to encourage people to buy fruits and vegetables instead of soda. Oh, yeah. So are the odds of that not working. 2014, a group of Stanford researchers studied 19,000 snap participants and confirmed that, oh, and compared whether banning the drinks or incentivizing fruits and vegetables would

affect obesity rates, they found that obviously banning drinks would be expected to significantly reduce obesity. Yeah, you think? You fucking think that works better than, then, Oh, well, you know what? I really want a coke, but in. Oh, fuck. I'm going to eat a bunch of brussel sprouts. Yeah, like this. I'm already on snap satisfies the exact same craving I have. I'm going to start making good decision. I'm going to take a risk here and start making good decisions today, starting with the hardest one to do

that's in my face all the fucking time that I have cravings for all day every day because I'm addicted to sugar. Five percent is fucking people. He's fucking, I thought that was a fun moment. Just create another office, create another entity to just flush your money down the toilet. Yeah.

Oh, people are quitting their jobs now by just ghosting. Yeah. Oh, that was interesting. Just quitting sucks. That actually meant because everybody is so, what is it, a conflict adverse? Well, yeah, but also, fuck them. Like, why do you have to go in

and have that uncomfortable conversation with your boss? What do you owe them for? It's, fuck them. It's great. This is, I'm proud of these people. This is millennial innovation at its best. Oh, we didn't, we always had a system where you give us two weeks notice

so we can fill your job and take your brain and all your experience and implant it in your replacement and give you absolutely no value for that process even though it helps us tremendously. In my, in my, in my experience, most employers, unless it's a smaller, unless it's a smaller company, they don't take you up on that two weeks, like professional courtesy. That's just

been my experience in the people I know, because they know that you're already, you've already checked out. And also, if you're dealing with IP or something like that, they want your shit out by the end of the day. Yeah. I think that's a good way to deal with breakups. Work, just life. Later. Women. Disappears.

Disappears, right? I mean, there's something kind of liberating about that. Yeah. Cause then if you go to quit or break up, you're basically just opening yourself up to get shit on by the person for as long as they want. That's what quitting slash breaking up is. Yeah. You go in and do the right thing by letting them know and you never get a, okay.

Well, thanks. See, you know, you're starting to sell me on this. Yeah. Try it. Try it. Yeah. Just don't show up on tape. I like that one. But I like my job. Yeah, yeah. I got a guy who's dedicated his life to setting up hamsters in underwater utopias. Really? Yeah, calling in a little bit.

His thing is building hamster cages and environments under the water. He really wants to put hamsters underwater, no idea why. Really? But he's calling in, that's his deal. Guy is calling in who, oh, Agent Richard Head is calling in. He's going to break down Maddox's letter, that weird stalker sounding letter that Maddox put in the restraining order defense.

Awesome. Who else is calling in? A guy who's hired a private investigator to expose a thought at his work is calling in. I believe, let me make sure he calls in. It would be a lot easier. Quitting, breaking up, terminating anything. I think that a significant number of marriages are together

because somebody just couldn't sack up and break up with the other one. You know what I mean? I think you're 100% right. And work too. I think a lot of people are just there to have the prospect of quitting is so great to think, oh man, I can't just leave.

Can I? Yeah, that's the real, somebody tell me I can. That's the real, somebody tell me I can just leave. You just go, go get cigarettes one day. I've never come back, yeah. I've never come back. Customer service bots are really making me a rage this week. Okay.

I had to do a lot of customer servicing as winners drink was shipping out, trying to get everybody's order by Christmas. And they got these chat bots now, where it says chat live, except it's just a goddamn computer, trying to parse what you're telling it, and giving you the shitty FAQ answers. It's like an endless progression,

a new way of keeping you from talking to another person that never, ever works. That's one of my biggest rages. If they have any stats saying it works, it only works because people get too fed up with dealing with the experience and just quit. Just say, I'll fuck it. I'll just take the loss on this one. Yeah. Fuck it. Yep. They're really driving me crazy. Now I'm thinking more about that ghosting breakup. You have like a key system. You know, every day you got to turn a key if you're still into it. So then it's not the ghosting isn't on you. It's the presumption is still there. Like if there was like an auto renewal built in

to the contract, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's understood that it ends every couple of months and that you have to renew it. Yeah, right? Put the momentum on the quitting and not on the sustaining it. You both have to show your answers. Yeah, because nobody wants to be showing.

It's like the newlywed game. Exactly. Yeah. All right, it's time to show our answers. Yeah. And then if anybody writes down, no, it's over. Right. Right?

I think that'd be a good system. I don't know how that could work at work though. Oh, I got a video of a guy on stream hitting his wife too, which I thought was funny as hell, but everyone disagrees with me. I don't know if you want to watch that later. Depends if I'm in the mood for comedy or not. Ha ha ha ha.

Uh, an asshole in Canada, an atheist couple in Canada who complained about classroom celebrations of religious holidays were awarded 12 grand by a human rights tribunal after their daughter was barred from re-enrolling in their preschool. At one point, the guy emailed the school with photos of alternative atheist ornaments. So this was an atheist who got a bunch of money for bitching about Christmas at school. There's nothing more annoying than like an aggressive atheist. Yeah. They're really there worse than aggressive Muslims. They're really worse than aggressors. People of any religion, man. It's just so, oh my God. Can't you just go the whole thing's fucking stupid and just?

I think that they don't get that it doesn't have anything to do with God. He emailed the school with photos of alternative atheist ornaments ranging from an ornament that simply said skeptic ornaments ranging from an ornament that simply said skeptic to a more provocative one with an image of the twin towers captioned atheists don't fly planes into buildings. Oh, something at a kid with this guy. Yeah. Over the next few months.

I'm so smart. I'm so I'm so much better than you because I don't believe in something. He really hates his dad, I guess. Yeah. Hates his dad so much he's got to kill God. Over the next few months, the dispute grew from tense emails about ornaments. Whoa, books on the nativity and dreedles

to an argumentative meeting where mangled began doing the Nazi salute and marching around while he sung a different version of O Canada in which he substituted his own lyrics according to the court brief. Oh boy. They gave this guy goose stepping around. Ten grand. He won ten grand for this behavior.

Oh God. Eighthest can celebrate presents can't they? Yeah. Their presents all over the place. Isn't that presence, can't they? Yeah. Their presence all over the place. Isn't that your God now? Just a bunch of buying shit. That's all that's left when you take the actual God out of it,

right? Sure. That's all you have. Well, you wanna talk to Agent Richard Head first? Yeah, let's talk to him. Special Agent Richard Head. Hey, man, what's going on? So the last time you called in, you brought in a Munky Jones video

that got played at a crime seminar as evidence of the in-sell uprising. Yeah. And the imminent danger of these horrible in-sells hate women, right? And since then Momki Jones has been banned from YouTube because of

His hateful red because of the same fucking video that Special agent Richard had dude. It's so amazing. It's amazing. It's it's stunningly It's stunning. It's like everything in the world is a week behind this show. Monkey Jones comes in as a, as a in cell William Wallace. And the next thing you know, he's done. Hundreds of thousands of subscribers just deleted. It's like nothing.

We need satire tags on things. This is, I mean, people, people don't know. People can't tell. I don't understand. It's just they're missing that gene. You say like people are missing the humor gene. Yeah. I mean, they clearly are, but it's also,

people don't understand. We don't understand dry or rye in this country. Yeah. We don't get that. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people.

A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people.

A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. I mean, huh? Yeah. Well, how the hell else do you respond to that? It's like a, the law and it's law and it's self-inacistic

at that point. You know, bandsaw. Sparkasm? How? Yeah. How will you do that? I hope that was a, like, an onion type art, I call it. Me too.

I really hope it was, but I doubt it. Well, that's what's scary is, you know, at a point in time, you'd go, no, that's fucking absurd. Now, you're like, oh no, I don't know. Well they banned him because they said it was glorifying violence that his abject mockery of Elliot Roger was glorifying violence and it's not something they wanted to have in their platform. The whole thing is very fishy, because Munky woke up with six strikes

on both of his channels. How many strikes do you get? Three. He's on each channel. He got three on each channel. So six strikes total. But doesn't that kind of contravene the idea of a strike? First of all, isn't it supposed to be a kind of contravene the idea of a strike?

First of all, isn't it supposed to be a kind of a warning? Well, yeah. We've noticed you're doing this shit. We'd like you to stop, so we're striking, that's one strike. Well, yeah, the umpire lets you know that. You know three strikes. Nobody's telling us three balls at once. Yeah, I don't know what sport this is. Right, let's talk about a bunch of funny curveball and you swing three times in once. Yeah. I don't know what sport this is. Again, let's talk about the most funny curveball

and you swing three times in the same pitch. Yeah, this is like child baseball rules, where you lob one up in the air and then try to throw a sting or right through just to be a jerk. Yeah. He woke up to six strikes and his channel terminated, which I can't even understand.

I don't understand that. I don't, I can't even understand. I don't understand that. I can't wrap my head around even that, you know, a 75 year old wouldn't get that that is a joke. You mean a satirical, dark reading of Elliot Rondridge manifesto and like outright mockery, the extreme hyperbole of it? Yeah. That it's obviously making fun of the guy. Hilarious.

You know what's so explicit in his mockery too, like the video that they played at the crime seminar ended with him saying, or I can just stay inside playing World of Warcraft all day instead of getting a girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right? Which is obviously what he means. I don't even know.

Yeah. It's demoralizing his health. Oh yeah. Because I remember when I got banned from the internet about 10 years ago, right around the Dr. Phil time, when no hosting platform on the internet would take me in no web host, because they get one or two complaints by email

and then you're done. Yeah, that's it. You know, it's so funny how companies and platforms just jump to a piece, the most fucking loony of the people could be like one or two or 20 complaints and they think like, holy shit, this is completely widespread. We got to do something about this. We've got to knee jerk,

irrational react and fuck everything up. It's like, you know, they think that one furry means there's a hundred to them. Yeah. I call all that, you know, there's 20 furries over here, so there must be, wow, everyone must be into this, but they're not.

It's just them. It's just those 20 emails of people who are pissed. It doesn't represent a thousand people a piece. It's not a rat. It's not for a station. You know what they say? Like a rat infestation for every one you fucking see. There's like 30. You don't. Yeah. It's not like that. So a monkey gets banned for an alleged glorification of Elliott Rogers violence, which is Which is the hilarious thing is the Wall Street Journal is running like a biopic on Elliott Rogers manifesto. Yeah, which is as glorifying as it gets like I it's fuck if I died I would love the Wall Street Journal to do a

Seven-minute presentation of my of my hit my greatest hits real. Yeah There's nothing I would want more than a major news organization putting my manifesto against pictures of me and somber sounding music. So that everyone was told my message and that the people who agreed with it would glum onto it and say, that's right.

The last thing in the world I would want is Monkey Jones's ass making fun of me, right? Circastically reading my manifesto and making fun of me. That's right. That's the last thing I would want. Yes. Thank God YouTube's working to protect the memory of Elliot Rodger. Yeah, yeah.

It sucks because I remember how demoralizing it is to get your shit shut down. If it wasn't for Coach who ran my website in a server in his bathroom, they're like six years. Yeah, yeah. Where I finally found another coach who would read the abuse emails. He was like, oh yeah, I totally forgot to log into that abuse account.

Check it out. And it would just be people complaining to the web host, like, oh, we're gonna do this and we're gonna do this. You can even notice, because he hadn't logged, he hadn't ever logged into the account. Mm-hmm. I remember how demoralizing it is to have worked

for something and worked on something that everybody loved. Yeah. Everybody loved Monkey Jones's content. Hundreds of thousands. Hundreds of thousands of people. Yeah. And to just have it taken away.

It's like a punch in the gut. Sargon got banned on Patreon and I disagree with it, but Sargon's walking, he's playing a dangerous game. He pissed off a lot of people. I think he had something to do with putting himself in that position as much as it sucks. Yeah. Yeah. Certainly the same thing could be said for me.

Sure. But Munky, it's just making funny content. Yeah. To have it wiped out like nothing, really fucking sucks. He's got a new website, mumpgejones.tv. I don't know, I'll be posting them. Hopefully everybody will find him there. Yeah. So I don't know, I'll be posting them. Well, hopefully everybody will find him there. And he'll, yeah.

So I guess it's all, Oh, and here's the other thing. Yeah. All six strikes happened. It's all to me. I don't know how much of this is true, but it's very suspicious that it happened in like five minutes. In five minutes and also so soon after Munkie tried to help his friend get out of this

domestic violence situation that the couple was in. Munkie's friend Asberger got arrested for beating up his girlfriend and biting her. A lot of really heinous shit that he seems to be admitting to. And then, after that domestic violence incident, Munky tried to console the woman and help her out with whatever she needed. Eventually, Munky had to go to bed because he's not your fucking dad. If you want somebody there to console you,

get a better boyfriend, right? Call your fucking parents, call Madame Clio. It's not Mumke's job to walk you through your fuck ups. I guess there was a huge amount of bad blood from the girl toward Mumke after this happened. So I start thinking, if these, as I always say, never get involved in a domestic violence situation. Never, never, never, there's no one innocent involved in it.

Cops will tell you the same thing. Never, never, never, because they will turn on you in a second once they've decided that they want to get back together with their girlfriend or boyfriend, and they're right. Yeah, that's true. They know more about their life than you do. It might be worth it to them to get smacked around a little bit

and have access to all the benefits that they do have. You don't know. It's easy for you to say, but you're not putting food on the fucking table, are you? You're not bringing, you're not gonna show up like Santa Claus with a sack full of wick cards and five percent of which is soda feeding mom and her kid after the husband goes to jail. Are you? So you don't know, the world is tough. It sucks.

You got to take a lot of shit to survive. My point is don't ever get involved because they will turn on you, they will get embarrassed about their choices and turn on you in a fucking second. Yep. There's a guy I know that's an MMA fighter and he witnessed some kind of domestic violence situation going down once where like the guy was choking the woman and when he went to intervene, the woman started screaming at him to mind his own business. Sure.

Yeah. Um, yeah. I guess we could play that, we could play that slap a little later, but yeah, sure. All right. Agent Richard had, I guess you're, I guess you're kind of to blame for the mumpki thing. Are you were certainly on the cutting edge of, but you've got something else for us today, right? You're going to analyze Maddox's weird letter to his ex-girlfriend, where he says he's

a, he drove to her apartment and she wouldn't let him in. And he, what else did he, he wanted to establish their friendship by her telling him where she lived and weird shit like that. What is your analysis as a crime expert? So my first thing is he contacted her through email and that's a little weird, like most people don't email socially. So to me, that says he's probably blocked on a lot of other social media.

Interesting, okay. Another strong vibe I got, like when I was reading the letter, it read like it was written by a guy who was raised by a single mom. So was Maddox's dad not really around when he was a kid? Well, he never got a blow job. So I don't know what kind of a father figure he actually has. So it's Maddox's dad is very old.

The passive one. Remember, he can't hear in one ear. So you pretty much death. I'm sure they could never talk to each other. Yeah, he's very Max dad is very old. Oh, very. Yeah. Um, I imagine he had the upbringing of like the guy in the big Lebowski where the dad is in an iron lung. Yes, sitting there all day. Exactly. Uh, what do you mean? It sounds like it was written by someone who's raised by a single mother. Um, there was a lot of he does the kind of dating advice that women will give you.

Or well, the dating advice that women will give you filtered through the mind of a man with autism. Okay. Like, so kind of like the, be very open about your feelings is like the kind of advice women will give you. That's true. So then, so then, uh, Maddox had that whole paragraph where he was saying like, well, what should I do?

Just be celibate forever. I'm trying to be reasonable. I forgot that part. Uh, yeah. That is something that women say. Just be honest about your, it's the opposite, is the case. Never be honest about your feelings.

Yeah. Be honest as long as it's something that I wanna hear. Yeah. Be honest. And if your opinions don't reflect what I want them to be, change your mind and then be honest again. Try it again. Be more honest next time.

It's like being, you know, long as you're diverse in the way that other people are diverse than they get along with the yeah again, you know. Yeah, so then he also had like a lot of, I guess like appeals to ethics or appeals to morality. Well, he does add a lot. Yeah, I did notice that. Yeah, and that's, I think, a very, uh, feminine way of approaching the situation that's, I think, a very feminine way of approaching the situation. Like, I think most men will tell you dating fucking socks and it's not fair and you just have to deal with it. Yeah. Like, no man will ever say, like, oh, well, you know,

if you just appeal to her better angels, she'll come around and fall in love with you again. Oh, that's true. It's those, the appeals to morality are more very uncomfortable to read in that letter. Yeah, and it's just weird in general to approach dating from that kind of perspective that like you morally owe me a relationship now. Yes, yeah. Well, just right. I got to refresh my memory now, as I was talking about it. like you morally owe me a relationship now? Yes.

Well, just right. I gotta refresh my memory now, as I was talking about it, because that is, it is like you morally owe me this relationship. Well, no, and he's very much that. He feels like people are obligated. You know, people don't have their own minds.

Yeah, I'm trying to find it right now. There's a transcript of it on the subreddit. Drum it up, put it in the discord. Yes, sure. Everyone can play along at home. Oh, I found it. I found it. That's not fair. Did you expect me to just sit around and be celibate forever? Waiting for you to keep dangling that carrot on a stick. I tried so hard back in the day. We were supposed to be meetup.

I felt completely deflated and rejected. We were supposed to meet up last October, and then you pulled the rug out from under me. I felt completely deflated and rejected again. And I contacted you before Comic Con. And when you finally decided to meet up, I had already booked a date. That is the kind of shit you would never. They're like, don't you understand logistically that I had it planned out? But this is clearly on you. I didn't do anything here. You didn't stick to my script.

Yeah. How about that thing about forgiveness? Agent Richard. Oh, yeah, the email. I sent you with that long email about about forgiveness and never heard back from you. Yeah. You just could over this and forgive me. Yeah, it seems like, is it in South Park?

They had to tell I think it was Cartman something about like, you can't just apologize. You also have to stop being shitty. Yeah, yeah Yeah, that's what that made me think of That he thinks it's enough to just apologize and then the other person is obligated to get over it right That's true. Yeah, again people don't have their own minds within All right, any other any other insights as you, one of my favorite lines was he's asking why her friend blocked him on I think of his Facebook. Yeah. Which is fucking weird that he's asking about that in the first place. But then the reason he suggests is that he ran into her ex a few times. And I think that says a lot about Maddox's thought process that he thinks that interacting

with someone's ex just casually is like grounds to remove them from his life. Oh, interesting. Well, it's like an inflated sense of self-importance, isn't it? I mean, I can't access her profile at all. Don't worry about it. She's free to do whatever she wants. I ran it. But not really.

But I still have a big problem with that. I ran into her ex a few times at parties. Maybe that's why. So he thinks that because he ran into her ex, she would have blocked him on social media. Yeah, that is weird. Yeah. So does the ex boyfriend talk to the ex girlfriend,

go, hey, ran into Maddox? Like, so. What the fuck? All right, man, I do appreciate your analysis. You got anything else on this? The whole thing we're is talking about wanting her to meet his ex was just really fucking weird. Like, yes, it was. The creepiest letter I've ever read, I think we're is talking about wanting her to meet his ex was just really fucking weird like.

Yes, it was. The creepiest letter I've ever read, but that part put it in probably like the top five. Let me read that part. Why was it so creepy to you? Because why would he want that in the first place? It just doesn't make any sense to me. Like it took about three months before you'd finally agree to meet her, and it almost ended our relationship.

Like, can you imagine getting into an argument that multiple times over three months with your new girlfriend, because she didn't want to meet some chick you used to date? Like, used to be married to, by the way. This was his, he's talking about his ex-wife. Yeah. Yeah, the girl I'm dating is now a fan, but only in so far as you considered yourself a fan we dated. So he's threatened by that. And I'm not sure why it works you that I mentioned you to her.

Remember when I asked you about my ex-wife and you told me you felt uncomfortable about my friendship with her, because that's, he was like the best, he was like a groomsman at his ex-wife's new wedding for the husband. Like, he was, he was weirdly frustrated on that chick. Yeah. You felt uncomfortable with my friendship. It took you three months, took you about three months

before you'd finally agree to meet her. Yeah, your feelings are totally irrelevant. I don't know why you would feel uncomfortable. And it almost ended our relationship. That's why I mentioned it meet her. Yeah, your feelings are totally irrelevant. I don't know why you would feel uncomfortable. And it almost ended our relationship. That's why I mentioned it to her. It wasn't that I was asking permission, but just being open, open to nonexist, like I always try to be.

Yeah, do you see what I mean? Like the crazy and that, it's like looking at a fractal, where any piece of it you examine contains the same amount of crazy as the entirety of it. Yeah, yeah. It's evenly distributed there. It does seem like that.

It's the word choices. Yeah. I'm just being open and honest. Like, well, does that mean that you think, does that mean that you think that that's an excuse for the other thing that you just said? What's the sickest letter you've ever read? There's two that are about Ethan. One of them was a love letter that a guy wrote to a woman who's child he had murdered.

Okay. That would have to be, yeah, you don't even need to read one line of that. What's got to be number one with a bullet? Was it written on the cover? I don't know if he was actually mentally retarded, but he was really, really dumb. I would say on the borderline of being disabled. Yeah.

So it read a seventh grader apologizing to his girlfriend for holding hands with another girl at lunch basically. But I had the context of knowing that he's talking about that he killed like a two-year-old. Okay. I felt a similar way when we unearthed that guy Tito, the bad ombre, when we unearthed his defense when he was asking the judge not to throw him in prison because he got convicted of having a bunch of child porn. And he was like apologizing for what he was apologizing for like what the court saw was inappropriate behavior. It's like, dude, that's, yeah.

It sounds like what a child would say. Like you got busted for child porn. Yeah. You got to, oh, you got to at least pretend to own up and do it in this letter. Yeah. Anyway, what was the other one? The other one was a guy who was like doing sex trafficking. Okay. After he got arrested, I think he was out on bail, sent an email to one of the victims basically saying like, I love you and we can be together and you just need to recant your story and then everything will be

okay. Where else is that? Where else is that? The thing actually kind of reminded me of that to some extent because the same way Maddox is like sweet talk, sweet talk, what's your address, what's your address? Yeah. This guy was kind of doing the same thing, where he would throw in the sweet talk and then

also start pressuring her, but you got to recant the story. Yeah. Huh. I don't even know where you live. Tell me where you live! The stuff you got to watch out for. Yeah. Alright.

Agent Richard's head. I got to talk to a guy who's trying to make hamsters live underwater. But thank you for your analysis. It's enlightening. In light time. Very enlightening, Sean. You can compare someone like Maddox

to what Maddox we do think has a messed up brain with an expert's opinion who deals with a lot of people with messed up brains. Very interesting. All right, have a good of people with messed up brains. Very interesting. All right, have a good one, buddy. See ya. Later. Do we want to learn about hamsters now?

Yeah. I mean, I sure. I never had a hamster as a kid. You never had a hamster as a kid? No, I had shitload of hamsters. No, we had it. We had shitloads. I loved them.

I was practically an animal hoarder. We had rats. When I was a kid. We had shit loads. I loved them. I was practically an animal hoarder. We had rats. We had rats. We had rats like when I was really young and then we had a chinchilla at one point. I did chinchilla. Yeah, that thing was cool. Yeah, it would swirl around and it's a little less that dust bath. Yeah, they're cute. I had tons of hands. All right, let me bring this guy in. Hey, a hamster guy. Are you in there? Hello. Is that work? I am. Hey, uh, hamster guy, are you in there? Hello? Hello, is that work? Yeah, okay. Now it's working. Oh, all right. Let's start this over. This is the mad scientist from Hampshire, who is

just might be a strong word. Yeah. Uh, I don't know. I don't undersell it. I think I put your work up on par with Louis Pasteur and Von Braun and some of the other great scientists of their age. You are creating underwater habitats for hamsters on Patreon. Not because I wanted to, but because nobody else would. Sometimes you got to do the things that no one else wants to do. I gotta tell you, I somebody, someone, some listeners sent me your Patreon. I forget who it was, and I spent all day watching your videos on you making underwater hamster cages,

reading all of your content, and I still can't figure out if you're if you're fucking around or not. Even after 50, 50, Sean, look at these. Okay, can you can you tell us what you're currently up to with your underwater hamster habitats? Like what what's the current ability of your cage. In the past, I started out by basically just strapping a autobox, like a phone case, a really big phone case to a dumbbell. Obviously not for long durations, just to test the concept. If a dumbbell would keep an autobox down, then I built successfully larger and larger habitats, including more

of the amenities necessary for them to stay down longer and longer periods. I actually learned, it's like, it's like, it's like space exploration. It is like space exploration, but it's a guy with hamsters. I love every single thing about it. Yeah. I couldn't afford to send humans. Underwater, you mean? So you're going with hamsters?

I'm sorry, I interrupted you. What were you saying? I did learn something useful from it. I mean, that's what I said out to do. I didn't think I would be able to figure out anything anybody actually involved in that field hasn't. This is going to be long. Do you mind if I kind of ramble a little bit? No, no, I would like you to ramble. I want to know all about how you started doing this. Yeah. Why you got into putting hamsters underwater. How long you've been doing it? Where the future of Hampshire lies? I want to know everything. I guess I got into it because of disappointment with the future that we got versus the one that we were promised.

We're supposed to have flying cars and jetpacks and cities on Mars, but one of the things that I was really excited about as a kid, I had a lot of those artworks. But instead we have banned sarcasm, Sean. We have like 10,000 genders, yeah. And I had an art book, I think, by Sid Meade or something about what we could expect from the year 2000. And one of the, my favorite parts of it was the underwater city, where everybody's like scooting around in a little one or two person submersibles and they've got these big buildings.

Totally. I want that. Yeah. Why? And why do you want an underwater city? Just kind of like where the fuck are my underwater cities? Yeah. Those promised underwater cities. And I'm like, how hard could it be? And I began this basically 10 year journey of research into why that hasn't happened yet, learning about what's difficult about it. And what may surprise a lot of people is that it's not the cost of the life support equipment. It's not the cost of the structure. After all, you're just talking about a steel shell and the same kind of hardware that's in a rebreeder. The expensive part is that it's heavy. You have to transport, oh, like, if you've ever ordered something on Amazon, it's really heavy, and noticed how ungodly expensive the shipping is. That's it in a nutshell. Moving the weight needed to counteract buoyancy overland from where the

weight is produced to the shipyard where the habitat is. And then loading that weight onto a ship, loading the entire habitat onto the deck of a ship, until they figured out they could design them like boats and just tow them behind the ship and build them much larger that way. And then you got a fucking put the weight in the habitat balustrine, you got to have an A-frame crane on the ship to get the habitat off the edge of the ship. Yeah. God knows what those were for. Yeah. Cluster fuck. to get the habitat off the edge of the ship. Yeah. It's just a huge, yeah. Cluster fuck.

Yeah. So this is what you're up against for building your underwater hamster habitat. I would have never considered that. What I figured out, and I'm sorry, I'm just going to conclude this really quickly. Basically, the only useful thing I figured out from this endeavor, but I think it's kind of important, is that instead of bringing the weight from land, you can just build a much larger balustray and use sand from the ocean floor where you're going to replace the habitat. You can just use a suction, like a dredge pump, a suction up sand and use natural material,

what NASA would refer to as in situ materials, like getting them from the destination to weigh the damn thing down. And then you don't have to transport the weight at all, and the habitat can be transported like at a much lighter weight because it doesn't have any of the ballast. So now your, now your new plan is to take like those giant materials bags that you get pre-mixin

at a construction yard and dredge the bottom of the, whatever, are you in a lake that you're doing this in and dredge it into the bag to anchor? Not a bag. Okay. A solid balustrine. Basically, the only downside of this approach is that it's very much larger because lead

is much heavier than sand for a given volume. So it makes it a habitat uglier, but it makes it vastly cheaper. And if you realistically want large amounts of shirt sleeves, habitats based in the future, you have to find a way to do it at a lower cost. So, what is your timeline of using this ballast method that NASA recommends and what is the goal of it? Because I'm trying to pull up some of your pictures now where you've got you in a scuba suit going into a dome where all the hamsters are living, taking care of them in their cages before leaving them to

there. I mean, you've got a timeline. I think you have a timeline wherein you've gone through generational breeding of hamsters, how they've adapted to the nitrogen-rich atmosphere. No, that's a plan. That's actually contacted a team of aquanauts in I think the Czech Republic and they're building, they have their own two person habitat that's already in the water. And they, as a joke, they built their own little like mouse habitat and person on Facebook. I'm okay. I've actually done a lot of that. And they were super fucking

interested to meet someone who who done that seriously. Yeah, we're talking about hamsters. Yeah, hamsters. This is fucking nice. No one wants to know what's going on. Shares about my hamster. I've posted them an experiment of breeding multiple generations of mice under hyperbaric conditions to see if there were any burst effects. I mean, that's similar to the mouse experiments in the ISS that we're trying to see if we,

if human beings could reproduce in microgravity without having like deformed flipper babies. Yeah. Okay. I'm looking at, I'm looking at some of your images here. I'm trying to get a good, I'm trying to get a good one so I can show Sean here what you've accomplished. There's one where you've got an underwater hamster. I'm underwater hamster enclosure and then there's a bunch of fish swimming around.

Can you send me that link? That's so cool. Yeah. Here it is, Sean. Look at this. Here's one of his... Here's one of his... You can send me the video.

That'd be better. Somebody just posted a picture. Wow. This is the underwater hamster enclosure with a little hamster here. This looks kind of shitty because this is after the plants and the plant habitat had died. Okay. So normally the habitat on the right raises grass,

but I was still experimenting with temperature settings for the grass and I managed to kill all the, normally it would be green in there. Is this like a large aquarium or is this a, yeah, it's 250 gallon. That was the test tank. Yeah. Why it's so cool. It is cool.

The little hamster in there, chilling out, eating some shit, whatever he's doing. Yeah, he doesn't even think it's weird. No. Total living is blind, just fine. Fish, swimming around them, fish, that's cool. No other hamster has ever seen this before in their life. No.

They're all in trouble with your hamster balls. What'd you say, buddy? There's no idea. He's near, hamsters are near sighted. They've got no idea they're underwater. I'm pretty sure. Huh. I love this because it,

Shana didn't exist. Look at that little fucker. Looks like Shana is pretty well. The promise of underwater cities did not exist. So he's taking it upon himself to get the ball rolling. Well, yeah, underwater hamster paradise. Right, but it seems like there's a logical progression to people and such. It's not stopping with the hamsters.

Yes. It's a pipe dream, kind of, but I feel like if I take little steps wherever I'm able to, I can eventually retire in my own underwater structure of some sort. You know what? People have dreamed. They've laughed at a lot of people over the years who turned out to be right.

Almost, there's almost been 70, I think 69 is the number of manned underwater laboratories in history. A lot of people don't realize that. They think of these structures as something that exists still in science fiction. Yeah, and a cartoon. It's been done quite a bit. Yeah. So when is the goal for you?

For me, scratching himself, he's happy with your goal for the next one. When will be the version, I don't know what you call it, but when will it be? When are you going to have that? Have that, buddy. By this summer. By this summer. By the summer. Okay. Cause it has to warm out.

I don't wanna go out there and get my weighters and wait into a fucking ice cold lake. It's gonna be two stories. It's gonna have an internal like floor divider. It's gonna have more food. It's gonna have more water. It's gonna have a webcam connected. And a webcam that can hopefully stream with.

Yeah. Better. The main improvement is just the size because people are like, it needs to be larger and not necessarily for the hamster sake, but just for their sake, they want it to be. Yeah. If he has a wheel, then he has ample, he's not constrained at all. He is effectively in from the space, but I do emphasize to some extent whether his art is improved. The thing is, it's as big as I can make it. As if I increase the size anymore, it's's gonna be more born when I can personally carry like lift lift and transport with my body Which is why I got into the topic of

Sandbellist because that would be one of the ways I can overcome that limit and use larger structures Now have you had any I know your backlash? Well, you're on the razor's edge of Now, have you had any, I know your backlash? Well, you're on the razor's edge of science and experimentation here. Have you had any tragedies? Oh, yeah. I was gonna ask that too. No.

No. No. 50% of that, I wanna say some of that's luck, but also I've gone to Great Langs to test every habitat. Every habitat goes, undergoes 72 hours of in the water testing before any animal goes into it. No leaks. There's also a number of safety features. If it leaks, then the air comes out. Water doesn't go in because the habitats are positive pressure. They don't resist any pressure differential. It's like if you took an inflated balloon under

water and let some of the air out, air would bubble out, but water wouldn't go in because the air pressure is higher. Okay. There's also check valves. So I can switch pumps without water entering. There's also doubly redundant compressor motors. So if there's a mechanical failure, air doesn't stop. This battery backup.

I mean, if I was really doing this by the book, I'd have triple redundancy, but I have double redundancy currently. And the hamster has a safe word. Oh, yeah. Is there a little hamster? It's a name. Yeah. Has anybody, have any like scientists reached out to you

to get some, to learn about your research? Only those Czech Republic guys project head or not, which it's been really interesting watching them build a business to join. I'm really not close to studying how they build their habitat. It's a two-man habitat about the size of like a 4,000 gallon above water storage tank. It's got windows in it.

It's designed for astronaut like space analog studies. It's unsurprisingly, like the underwater environment is a pretty good simulation of space. Now, are you breeding these hamsters or is the local pet store having a really good year? The second one. The second one. Okay. Do they ever ask you any questions?

What is your family and friends think about this? What do women think about your underwater hamster thing? Well, you would expect them to run the other way, screaming. Most of them just are tickled by an interest adbiada. I had one like super insanely like vegan type person freak out about it. But they're going to. They're going to. The thing is, I mean, I'm not a maniac. I love these animals. They're pets, not toys. And I appreciate the moral weight of an animal's life. So it's I think people see this and I think if you're on balance to do this in the first place, you're probably being reckless about it.

Yeah. That's the thought that's the fucked up thing now. Sure. Is that I'm actually going about it in this methodical way? There's a little stranger. Yeah. I mean, this hamster doesn't seem to be under any kind of distress at all. He's just chilling. He was eating.

He was scratching himself, walking around it. And I'm a little bit mesmerized by just watching this. And I kind of want it on my TV. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I watched them all day. I watch these little hamsters doing their shit with fish around them. There's things asked about the Skyhab. That's another project I'm working on. What was the Skyhab? But real quick. It's basically, okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Just to end on this, how long has this particular hamster been down, the one that we're watching right now? No, one month at a time. They spend one month under water and one month in the land. Can you believe that?

A month. No, do you have to take it out to put in more food and stuff? Or am I, yeah, yeah, and clean it. Yeah. So he goes down for a month. I'll be down. What's SkyHamp? There's a...

SkyHab is... Since this whole project was sort of inspired by BioShock, when BioShock, uh, uh, infinite came out, and I was like, how can I put hamsters in the sky, of course, because that's a logical thought to have. And I built a structure as a classic container with modules coming off of it, resembling a space station. Of course, it doesn't really go into space. It's levitated by a 12-foot diameter weather balloon. Sure. And as all the things they need in order to be happy, these is 1,000 pound rated fishing line on a separate line so that if the wind blows

the balloon at an odd angle that the habitat still dangles up straight up and down. And it's just so that they can spend, I wouldn't do it overnight. So I guess they would just spend a day in the air at a time. I mean, I want to see a underwater hamster world that goes out into the open ocean, like those fish hatcheries, where it's 30 feet down in the water is very calm, but it's not which storm me on top, that could survive something like that. That would be a next level.

The water is only calm at that depth, that there's no storm in order to totally evade storm currents, you have to go at least 200 feet deep, unfortunately. It's called, it's not not significant of an engineering challenge. I mean, even narco subs typically have a depth of rating of like 200 feet minimum. Well, I really love this. I'm more impressed with this than I am with the moon landing. And I feel no shame in saying that. I hope you continue your research for a long, long time and that you live your dream of retiring underwater.

And best luck to your hamster knots, of course, I don't wanna see any tragedies there. Can I give a shout out to Mr. Medaker for bringing your show to my attention and hooking, making this all happen basically? Yeah, what's your Patreon too? It's, fuck, I should know that offhand. I'll get it.

Mad science, patreon.com slash hamptcher. Hamptcher. Yeah. H-A-M-P-T-U-R-E. R-E. Yeah. Does anything make you a rage? I ask everybody who comes on the show what makes them a rage.

Anything, do you got anything like that? No, no. Gerbil, after you've done as much mushrooms as I have, it's kind of difficult to get angry. Okay. Okay. The puzzle is fitting together. I don't know what I'm saying.

Just like it's in a trough of mushrooms. I just need them like horse. I've met a lot of weird guys, but my friend, you are a strange guy, and I love it. Yeah. I can't wait to see what kind of, I say that in this, which is big a compliment as I can possibly say it,

but this is, I love how weird this thing is. Thanks for calling and talking about it. Where are you? We're in the world, are you? Oregon. Oregon. Yeah. It seems like it's good to places in each to do it, right? I mean, you got lots of honor to raise awareness about this elaborate cry for help. All right, dude, get out of here. I think it's cool. Thank you for calling in yeah me too ain't nothing with a chicken wing

Just moving out of chickens next. I love it. I Know that fucking thing you got to find something in life man. You really do you really do You really got to find something So 72 hours of testing. Before he puts, before he puts an animal in it. No, I admire the shit out of that. Let me do. You don't wanna just, I thought a fucking hamster in there

and go, well, let's see. I thought he would have a list of mile long of hamsters who sacrificed the greatest reality, but none. You know, safer than NASA. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh man.

NASA would send animals into space, you know, with no heat shielding at all. Well no, and no plans. I mean, they didn't plan to retrieve them or anything. I mean, just like I know, the dogs gonna go out there and then to see how they would react. Of course. They're dresse and then the yeah to see how they would react. Of course.

They're deress and how long they would be able to do stuff. All right, that guys, thank you for calling in. Go check out his stuff. You watch it all day. Russia and the US did it with dogs. Yeah. You know what I mean? They're with dogs.

There's a statue of a dog in Russia that was like the first, you know, like larger animal in space or whatever. He was in Guardians of the Galaxy too. They were. Yeah. The dog was. I'm serious. At the end, that Cosmo dog. Really?

Yeah, I think in the comic he's a part of their team. He's like the leader of their team. Did not know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go, what were you gonna say? No, no, I think they were hoping that he would last like close to a week before he like starved to death. But instead, I think he only made it like some hours out there because he think he got

the depressurization or lost all his oxygen or burned up or something, but, you know, let me see here. Don't get all crazy over the guy putting hamsters underwater. That's what I'm saying. He's safer than us. Yeah. You know, we could watch Metal Jess's video too. We never watched that.

She has a video? Yeah, just about what? About a video. About her. This whole thing? Yeah, about tips for life. She gave 17 to, okay, we'll watch it. When was the last week?

We'll watch it. It was last week, right after the show, I think. I think she got triggered into speaking because of the bonus episode we did when we talked about a restraining order and made front of her. Yeah. I think she's spurred out and made this. It's unwatchable. It's one of the worst videos that you will ever see in your life, but she does take

some jabs at Maddox. And it also doesn't look like the kind of video someone would make when they're suffering from unimaginable stress. I will also like to point that out. Let's watch that after every of these. Sean Galt, this is what made me a rage this week, is people who act like you not seeking their company exactly as often as they'd like, is some kind of personal attack against them and not a natural consequence of other people's lives and schedules interacting.

I always feel, I get calls from my family at the worst times, I always feel like such a cock having to rush them through it. Yeah. I'm like, it's the middle of the fucking day. It's always coming home and going to school. Mm-hmm. So it's like, ah, I do wanna talk to you,

but aren't just the middle of the day right now. I can't, I can't do it. Yeah. It's the middle of the day right now. I can't, I can't do it. Yeah. Gad Boba Ghanouche says, unskippable previews on blue rays. Yeah.

Pretty annoying. Press the menu. This action not available. It's my disc and player. It better be available. I don't fucking care about these other movies. I just want to watch Jingle all the way. Fuck.

End up fast forwarding through every preview till it hits the menu. And by this time, I just don't even watch, don't even want to watch the damn movie anymore. And they know they're doing it. Yeah. By putting that option in, that you sell me a device with a skip button and say, oh, yeah, we gave the companies the option to disable that skip button. Uh, why, why, why did you do that to me? gave the companies the option to disable that skip button. Why, why, why did you do that to me?

Why did you, why did you force me to watch ads by disabling this button? You fucks, this is why, this is why the pirates will always win. And why they're morally justified in pirating everything because you make it so goddamn hard to watch your fucking movies. Yep. One ad, no.

Even the title trailer. Well, I don't give a shit about who watches, who has ever watched a chapter of a DVD. Oh, that was enough of that DVD. I just wanted to watch the third chapter. What the fuck is that for? I guess if you leave off at some place, you want to pick back up again. The special, I'll use fast forward for that. I don't need to go fudzing through the chapters.

The special editions. Oh, wow, thanks a lot. Another fascinating look into jingle all the way with when I pass out and it's totally worth passing out and leaving the title screen on for 10 hours, so it's stuck in my head for the rest of my goddamn life. Yeah.

Didn't have to be this way, but you guys want you want to be pirated? That's your ass. You're asking for it. Jack Tucson, the heart attack I get when I'm walking my dog and assume he's marking his turf when he's really eating a half-eaten three-musketeers bar. So I'm degenerate through behind that is when you dog lags and you think they're pissing, you're like, oh, god damn it. Eating something. Stop eating this. Eating other dog shit. Chronispu, decorating for Christmas with my wife. Christmas decorations are supposed to be easy.

Lights on gutters, tree in the living room, stockings on the stockings on the mantel. The details don't matter. Easily bought and put up in a few hours. Instead, my wife treats every decision like she's picking which of her kids lives and dies. Should we get icicle lights or normal strings? What size bulbs should the bulbs be?

Frosted, what color of white should the bulbs be? There is no color of white. It's just white. Just pick something normal and get 200 feet of it. The more time I spend in some shitty box store, deciding which cheap Chinese garbage to buy, the less time I actually spend getting to enjoy the holidays. That's right.

Yeah. Ain't that the truth? All right, guys. Hey, Dick, just listening to episode 132 where you talk about how much less sex we're having and I wanted to get your advice on something. I have no desire to find a woman, despite being a virgin at 22

that doesn't impact on my feelings of self worth. I don't feel any panic about it. And it overall just doesn't bother me. I'm asking for advice because I'm pretty sure that's abnormal. Yeah, well, I would say that's abnormal. Yeah, right? Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's like bad,

but it's a bit odd. I would say abnormal. That's not what most people would probably feel or, I mean, on the other hand, look at all the extra time you have. Yeah, you could build underwater hamster universes, write a book. Do you say, if you like jerks off a lot, you could get really into the magic. Does he have a sex drive that surely I should have some sort of drive to

find someone to stick it in. Well, some sort of desire for companionship. Not your age. Why when thinking about the idea of me never losing my virginity, do I not get worried or feel sad or angry? Wow. Well, that is a foreign mind. Not angry or sad. Yeah. I'm thinking about not having sex tonight and it makes me angry. Or feeling, or feeling you would think you'd feel pressure from societal pressure or whatever.

It's like, oh God, I can't be a virgin. It's not like I have no sex drive because I jerk it once a day on average. Is that the issue? No, that's normal. I have no sexual hangups or excuses for my virginity in regards to my appearance. I've always worked in fields bereft of women and I never went

to university so maybe that's the problem. No, I wanted to stick it in a woman long before university. This can't be healthy, right? Should I send you a picture of my flaccid penis? No, go fuck yourself. Okay. God, what do you buddy? You got it made.

Are you kidding me? Sex drives ruins lives. You know what sex drives turn into? Marriage. It's the most, it has haunted mankind since we first crawled out of the ooze this fucking sex drive. I could never, I would never turn it off.

God forbid, but if I didn't have it, my life would be better. Right? Like you said, think of all the time. Think of all the time. Think of all the time you save, man. You gotta do something though. You ever met anyone like this?

People with less sex drive, always kinda weird me out. But I mean, you know, he's saying he does have a sex drive, but it's, it's just the, it's, what's more fascinating to me is, is the lack of just any type of feelings of, of anxiety, or like shame, or any of that, where because I think we're taught, especially as, as guys, you're like, oh man, you gotta get in there. Yeah, you gotta get in there. I feel like, and even with all that, he's like, whatever, it's cool.

He doesn't have that little voice in the back of his brain stem telling him to go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, you gotta fuck, you gotta fuck, you gotta fuck. I don't know, man, I mean, he's the one who has to live his life. And if he's fine with who he is, that's the only thing that fucking matters. Look, you got to make money. You got to go out there. You got to get a better job. You got to always increase what you've got, right? Eventually, some chick is going to see that and try to get her claws into you. So it's your, your, I think this is a self solving problem.

Yeah, at some point, you'll be successful and then some check will rape you. Yeah, they will. They'll trick you. You have a choice. They'll trick you into thinking that you have a sex drive when you don't. Dick, what's up, buddy?

I'm a computer engineer in Alabama, and I'll be graduating. So he's the one.. And I'll be graduating. So he's the one. Yeah, I'll be graduating in the spring to start a job here. I'm 24 and I've hooked up with five different girls, basically all the attractive girls

I've been in contact with while engineering. I don't know if he's bragging or making a joke about the chicks in engineering. Maybe a little above. Yeah, maybe exactly. Maybe a little above. And every single time some bullshit excuse of no sex before marriage comes up

and I'm stood up at third base. You're in the here in the South, I guess. So what? He's saying, no, the no sex girls don't bang. How do we get Jesus then? Well, I mean, I got a slow start due to my stereotypical Christian upbringing, yeah. and not pursuing women really until I was in college. So I haven't dated much and Tinder just doesn't work in the South.

It doesn't work anywhere. Too long didn't read on the Virgin of the Tinder in the South with, Tinder's kind of kind of kind of, isn't it? No, no, the app. No, no, no, no, no, but what is like tender is something. Yeah, so in the south it'd be like logger or something. It's not as good. On the version of my friend group consisting of single ass

strings, there is. I'm in because of the size. Yeah, yeah. And people who married their first time, big city, where the good pussy had playing in the dirt, I can't get off third base. Lumber? That's his tail. You know, it works on two. Oh yeah, yeah. The best jokes are the ones you have to explain. I get it. And they're on their back. You got to figure out, you got to figure out what works on these girls. Don't give up. Don't let them use God as an excuse.

Marries, marries, excuse. Women love making bad decisions. And there's nowhere they love making them more than in bed. Yeah, you just gotta figure out, be there bad decisions. Yeah, you're an engineer. Fuck, I mean, Cheryl Crow wrote a song about it. Yeah, they love it. Yeah.

They love it in fact. They call it experience. Yeah. They turn 30 and think, look at all this experience I've must are during my life. Stupid. You're an engineer. You just got to figure out what kind of problem

you're dealing with here. Because they've all got, it's the Pokemon system. Some women are electric types and they need a ground. They need to be hit with the ground type, attack. Some women are psychic types. I don't know my Pokemon rules, but it's like rock paper, scissors. Maybe that's a little better.

If she wants, there's always something that will get them off third base, always. And it's not the same thing every time. Sometimes you got to pull up the heartstrings. Sometimes you get, you got to get them real physically worked up. Sometimes it's all about, uh, uh, the promises of the future and what, what, not these sorts of bullshit. It's always something, it's always something that will work on them.

But one more than others, you're a fucking engineer, just figure it out. That's my tip. It's never gonna be the same, but it'll always be something. Ha! So the Sont Miss Phase, the Sonic artist, says that people with less sex drive are ones who haven't found out what actually turns them on. So go on a little pornography trip around the world. I guess is what they're saying. That could be.

Maybe you get off on a weird shit that hasn't swallowing people. Accurd to you or yeah. Maybe there's fetishes that haven't even been discovered. Maybe you like seeing hamsters underwater. Give that a shot. You never, yeah. Right? Before, there had to have been a time where we didn't know about swallowing people and feeding women so much that they turned into big fat blueberries. Right? Yeah. Sure.

Now we do. What did all the sonic porno people do before sonic the hedgehog? They just sat there with limp dicks in their lap, twiddling their thumbs. And then Sonic came along and all of them got huge erections. It's the hard men working hard. Christmas parody song featuring Peach. Here you go, nice. You know what my favorite part about Christmas is?

Being together, you know what I mean? I love just being around people that love you and support you and really empower you. You know what I mean? I love just being around people that love you and support you and and really empower you. You know what I mean babe? I really love the feeling of just holding each other and and supporting one another and validating one another's existence and everything we're they're doing. You know what I'm saying? Oh my gosh and my favorite part about Christmas, besides all of that, would probably have to be the snow. Or maybe, you know, I love it when the carolers sing. I love that too. I love when they come to the door and they knock,

write the most inconvenient time, and they're sitting there and they're stupid little outfits, and they sing, and it's awesome. I love it, babe. And oh, oh my gosh, do you think your parents are gonna come up for Christmas? I don't even know what to buy. What do they even eat?

Are they vegan? I don't know. Where to buy. What if they even eat or they vegan? I don't know. Where are they gonna sit? It's a pretty accurate song. I'm on the bus. Fucking A. I want you to call those girls on. I'm gonna be a fan of you.

Oh. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No! This is so therapeutic. No! No! No! Oh, man. I could listen to this for about 10 hours.

I can't even tell you how much I love this. I love this. This is going straight on my phone. To be played at any time I see fit. Four minutes. It's my favorite thing, or this show has'm done. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh get a big turkey, and I don't know, I should like, let's look up some like, gourmet hamsy shit. This is fucking genius, yeah. I really cover that turkey and some herbs

and crusty things, and then, and then put maybe like, oh my gosh, do you wanna like, really surprise me? Maybe we'll put like, a duck, a duck inside of the turkey. You saw it on this Buzzfeed video, it's so funny. No one is gonna expect it, it's super wild, but it's crazy. Oh, what kind of tree should we get, babe? Do you wanna get the new one? Babe, let me, babe, I'm gonna be,

I mean let's face it, let's be less mess. I know that the real one is gonna like, be more Christmas. You know what I'm saying, babe? Babe? Babe, low. I'm on my, fine! That's a good one. Babe, babe low I'm on my phone! That's a bad name!

Babe, babe, come on! No! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh Absolutely brilliant very good very good Hard men working hard. My God, you're my new favorite band. Patreon.com slash hard men, HMWH. While they're alive. While they're still up. As we all wait for Patreon to bring the hammer down. What a great Christmas song. We can care all that.

Can you imagine? Right? We have to do that. Okay, let's watch this video. I see Kaya, Kaya, Kaya, um, never said your last name out loud, buddy. Kaya Orsan, I see in there, you want to get on, let's, we're going to watch this video first. I'll, I'll get you on. Hold on. All right, this is going to be painful. There's no other way to say this. This video is going to be a disaster, but we're going to watch it. Jess posted this shortly after we did the last bonus episode where we read that weird email that Richard had called in to talk about and went over the restraining order that Jess won herself by calling 80s girl school and trying to get her fired. of nowhere after saying nothing and doing it and doing nothing for years a year

Jess decided to post this gem of a video So we're gonna watch it now and make fun of it as is tradition here you go This is my team life tips. Oh, yeah, she said let me, let me read what she said to give it some context. Okay. She says, I watched a 19-year-old art school influencer, influencer slash model video on life tips, and was inspired to share my own tips as a 33-year-old. So these are both quality specimens and I've ready to impart their wisdom upon the world in a series of 19 tips for life. Right?

I assume that the 19-year-old posted 19 tips because of her age. Jess has missed the point of that entirely. And gone instead of doing 33 has gone again for 19 so off to a good start 19 life tips you've learned in your 30 32 years of life almost 33 She is laying on a don't tell anybody I'm sorry, I'm on YouTube. Yeah, she's one point. We're just gonna One point number five years She's laying on a guy

Good World Health. Yeah, she's laying back with her head on a man's open thigh and I don't know if he's wearing boxer briefs or perhaps very short and very soft shorts. I don't know what you think, but her head is clear. Her forehead is almost touching his groin bulge, where it would be if he has one, I obviously don't know. But that's just the situation. That's the situation she's holding her phone up in the air like the women do, you know, filming herself down with her head on a man's lap, right on a man's lap. Here you go. Ready to guard her waist up. Call oral health.

Yeah. Make sure it sounds like that. Amanda says. Right, scan number two. Yeah. Number three. Make sure that you. Go to the dentist.

I guess that's kind of number one. Um, got that stuff with the oral health. What, I don't know. Number four. The apple keeps an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Doctor. Um, number five. How the fuck is that funny? Who's this giggling pots?

I don't know. In the background. I don't know. Um, two apples a day keeps. Don't eat too many sweet tarts. Keeps owls away. I'm not sure what I'm talking about. Two apples a day keeps owls away from you. There is a, I want to know where he lives.

So I can go throw garbage as that is. There is a level of, I don't know if it's stupidity where you have a steady stream of drugs going through your system at all times that you when you don't, but they just are there. It's just a at some point your IQ drops below a certain threshold and it's just a constant euphoria of hilarious laughter happening in your head all the time. I want to do that. just a constant euphoria of hilarious laughter happening in your head all the time. I wanna do that.

Yeah, the rest of us are seeking this kind of merriment that this jackass, that this underpants wearing, dick grabbing jackass has at his disposal at all time. Hmm, God bless him. Number seven. I mean, I feel you're still undercutting my owl really a tip with the two apples.

I've been just passing over the apple tip. Number seven, paint. I'm a doctor. Paint. Just paint some stuff. Don't use lead. Don't use lead paint. Get new paint.

Paint with some sold sometime since 1963. All right. This is a little worst version of our show. My team likes it. I'm going to test it over right next to you. I'm the annoying asshole on the background adding my terrible two cents. So, girls, don't give it up before first date or before the first date. So just don't just don't jump somebody in the bleachers or something? Just don't put out.

Don't put out at all. Scram. Become a lesbian. Number E. Number E. She looks terrible. We're not alone. Become a lesbian. That also keeps away else.

Like she's like, she's like, she's like, I never thought hearing another woman talk about being a lesbian would be a turn off. Hmm. But here we go. And we are. She just put that into the list because he just said it. That wasn't even in her list. This is, it's very strange, right?

This would be her out of nowhere, like an impromptu life lessons tip, which is very fired by the 19 year old drive influencer. Uh huh. I bet. Yeah, I told you guys, number 10, check your man. If you are dating a a man check his check his If you like him number 11 also check his instant messenger Trying to you know

Well, you know the fucking court is about to check her ex's prostate. Like tip number 10? Like tip number 10. Life is just a series of trivialities until we die. Life is just a series of trivialities that we die, guys. And then, like a bunch of things. It's my nylon. It's not a V-S-O-T-R-V-E-O-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G-E-G- I'm not gonna be so trivial when you get here with those sanctions. They're gonna be highest fuck. You think so?

Fuck, yeah. I think they're just retarded. Well, yeah. I think there's some, I'm not saying all, but I think there's some gay men who get down on ruining women in this way, like embracing their psychotic neuroses. And let me, look, look at this disgusting performance that she's putting on. And I'm obviously not saying all, but there's a lot of, in every group,

there's people who are fucked up. And in every group, there are fucked up in that certain way. That's right. You know, straight to that, there's too many, there's way too into sports, some of them. It says every group has their fucking weirdos.

More of a depth tip, really. Number 11. Death tip, have a will. The real love and have a will. Ha ha ha ha. Number 12. Oh, they cut it. Number 12, like to see you guys.

There it is. I've lived so many lives. I just know everything. I think the other stuff is just a plus material. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Hey, pay a rent. That's number 13. Don't not pay a rent. I wonder if that's based on anything. Number tip 14. The club of garlic hung outside the door will keep away Els Oh God, you shut the fuck up I know You know, apparently you have not had the all related experiences that I have had Jesus Christ Jesus

I'm like a screaming child Shut up Fuck up Number 15 Don't waste your money on college guys. Oh, damn. Just move straight to the big city that you want to work in and just start doing. You'll do it.

Everybody who comes out here, you come in actor, makes it. Which lake is it? That's Lindsay. That's it, that was sexy! Remember this is crazy! Take it till you make it! It always works out. It always works out. For 10 like your somewhat or not.

You know, I walked into Los Alamos and I was just like, you know what, I'm gonna be a nuclear engineer this weekend. And at the end of it, I was in jail. So you know what? Yeah. Dream bag! Dream bag! Go on! I was in jail, so you know what? Yeah. Turn back. Turn back.

Go on, pay your money. Try to smuggle plutonium out in his ass. 16. We have 16. 17. 17. Number 17. Yeah.

Don't get involved in any lawsuits with any YouTube personality. Bam, yeah. Especially don't get involved with any losses in any YouTube personalities when you have nothing to do with it at the first place. And you're just dating a different psycho YouTube personality. Number six. Oh, that's not true though, is it? No, didn't have nothing to do with it.

Yeah, that's not true. Signed a piece of paper, because I have everything to do with this. Yeah, you knew about the Heather S e-mails. I guess it's up to the judge though. Well, I guess we'll see how much you had to do with this. Yep, yep. You knew about the Heather S emails. I guess it's up to the judge though. Well, I guess we'll see how much you had to do with it when the ram comes in and starts checking prostate. Yes.

Next month. Yes. Oh, 17. 17. Beasts is special to everybody. I'm just not sure. No, I'm just not sure. This is absolutely terrible.

It's just fucking loud. What are building just fucking, just like, what the fuck is their motive? That's right. You know, you want to see it? I'm just like what the fuck is there? That's right, you know, you know, he's got his hand on his balls the whole time. Look at this. You imagine if like one of us laughed like that? This makes me never want to laugh again. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha he's riding a bull, she's laying back on his exposed thigh. It's whole thing is gross.

It is very gross. But it's seen just because you're a YouTuber or an influencer doesn't mean you're anybody. So good luck building that brand till it crashes. Or never takes off. And number 19, here we are, the big 19. This is the big one.

Drum roll please. Boop. Yeah, it this is a big one. Please Yeah, it sounds like a drumroll Fine love be happy you guys that's right. That's it. Don't any YouTube personality Yeah, damn don't do anybody love yourself just murder someone else is conscious 19 19 life tips 1.75 tips for every year of her life Also here's number 20 this is is the bonus one. Bonus tip.

Oh, wow. If everybody's talking shit about you, just fucking a laugh. No, don't laugh. No, no, no. That one fucking matter. They're all gonna die too. They're all gonna die too. Possibly just possibly buy your hand.

We're all dead. We're all dead. We're all dead. We're all dead. So none of it matters. That's right. No, that's not true. None of it at all. None of it at all.

Might as well just fuck as much as you can. Fuckin' be happy, be merry, Drake. It's right, be merry. Make one. No, that was right. And that was the first video for your YouTube channel. Oh, boy. Well, I hope there's more.

Oh, I apologize. The fact that that was painful, that that was put up for public consumption. Yeah. It's on her YouTube channel, right? Yeah, it's still. Still. Everybody's shooting all over it, of course.

Well, we'll see how far that happy-go-lucky attitude takes you. Yeah. Right? Yeah. You got it. Just remember you said that. Yeah. You know,

oh, so angry. So angry to Rex. All right, let me see. I think I'm, I think we get to wrap it up. I don't think there's any topping there. Ha, ha, ha. Um, let me see if Kaya said he wanted to say something.

Hey, Kaya, are you there? You home here? Hey, man, how you doing? Always good to hear from you? I was a little better before you played that video. Sorry. That's terrible. That really is fucking terrible.

I mean, I like your show too. And this is sort of like when a friend that you like wants to show you a really funny video, but it's just so painful. Oh, it's bad. It's bad. It's bad. It's interesting. It's thanks for men with high pitch nasal voices, who laugh at their own jokes. Yeah. I think

she might get the I get the laughing a lot part because I guess it makes her feel smart because of all she has to do say owl. Yeah. It loses it. Yeah. There's going to be some men in LA with a better voice. That's weird. That's weird to see. That would be weird to see if I dated a girl and then after we broke up, she's posting insane shit online,

talking about lawsuits and give like weird half comedy bits where she looks disgusting. I think this looks terrible. You gay guy with an owl fixation. Is there a head on a guy's lap laughing hysterically at how fucked her life is? That's 5150 material, my brother. So, anyway. So, maybe though, he got his come up and she's just as crazy of an ex as he is.

And now he's the one receiving emails from her asking where he's moving to. Anything possible. Anything possible. That would be for you. Yeah. All right. What do you have? What did you want? Is this about me being on? Who are these podcasts? Oh, yeah. I just listened to that. He just doesn't tell. That's a good show. Yeah. He released it just as you two started streaming. And I was already midway into it. So I figured I finished that first. And I came across that little bits where you two talk about being bonuses on our show.

And I felt terrible. I'll be honest with you. Oh, don't feel bad. No, there's a very good reason. Look, see the thing is, wait, let me explain to Sean what happened. Let me explain to Sean what happened. So the kaya's on the official podcast, another great show. Yeah.

He's got a couple co-hosts. And they asked me to be on, was I think it was like right after the lawsuit or something like that. So I went on and it was a great show. But then I find out afterwards that it was a bonus content show. And I was like, well, that sucks because now anybody who wants to hear, like, there's a lot of dedicated people to listen to this show. If they want to hear me, they got to go pay money to these guys. Pretty fucking smart brother.

Pretty fucking smart. Pretty smart. So I thought, uh, all right, you sons of bitches, you got me on that one. Then I hear they did the same thing to Mumpki Jones. He was on a stream with his grandma talking about how he got invited to your show, but it was a bonus episode. And you could see on his face, I'm going,

well, I mean, you know, I guess that means, I'm sorry, I'm sorry to all the people who want to hear me so bad that they got to pay for something that they otherwise wouldn't have paid for. So then I was on, who are these podcasts? Same fucking thing happened to them. And I said, all right, what's going on with these official podcasts? Because they're just tricking everybody into, because when you're on, when you're on,

they know that the people who want to see it really know what they're getting in for. Yeah. It's like, oh no, no, I'm okay. I know, Dick, I'm paying for this. Can't say I was I was it was it was well they have a three podcast. How come I wasn't on the free one? Like, why does everybody have to pay you to listen to me? Well, you're forgetting the fact that you were on the free one as well. I was I was at some point. Yeah, so no one did I'm paying for it. I was at some point. Yeah, so we'll know it.

I'm paying for it. So they just released it. I like that. I'm here. Now you got to pay for a beer. Um, no, you know, let to this because now out of a probation, you could say because I'm not usually the guy who gets the guests. I don't.

Yeah. You know, we put them on YouTube. I was just following orders. Yeah, go ahead. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,'m going to hold orders, but because we put them on YouTube, what people, you know, what the boys want is big name. I don't want to call them boring, but like anodine, inoffensive, somebody with 10 million subscribers who will draw views. Okay.

But, you know, I still took some risks here and there, and we had you very close of a release date with Andrew Tate. Oh. And Andrew Tate, and you back to back or something, I think there was two very controversial episodes. And by controversial, I mean, the vast majority of people like them, but there was this minority of douchebags who just said to wine about how offensive it wasn't this or that. Of course. So ever since then, I don't really get to pick the guests to go and pop your gun up

so they're more... To strikes back to back in. Yeah, so see, when I pick guests or the bonuses, I have more leeway. So what I really do is I pick people that I personally enjoy just so I will get to talk to them So it's more of a selfish thing. Okay, I also know because it doesn't I mean it has a few upsides like There's no ads that I have to awkwardly shuffle in while I'm talking to this person that I like yeah, but yeah That you know, we we shafted mom key Everybody from the dick show gets stuck in a bonus episode.

They ain't got to say it. That's fucking pay per view only. And then not as many people are exposed to Patreon.com slash a stereo. Yeah. So he's definitely pissed off. Everybody except Pete. She was clever enough to figure it out. I think she just didn't even reply to my invitation.

She texted me and I said, no, fuck those guys. They stick everybody on bonus episode. Yeah, each a sharp. Well, I'm glad you I'm glad you told me I were we're too hot for TV. So you you stick us in the bonus episode just because that's what you got. Right. Yeah, he's doing what he can do is doing what he could do just to talk to his friends You're doing what I can do. It's yeah, that's unfortunately the case is if it wasn't for the bonuses Some of you we couldn't have on at all. Yeah, right? That's the right like call. I love Carl I love Carl's show. I binged it the other day But you know, he's not gonna get that many views on YouTube as much as whatever generic

YouTuber Twitch streamer playing Fortnite. So that's the problem. We got to watch that. Did you see that guy slap his wife on Twitch? No, I heard about it. It pissed you off too. I'm the only one that didn't get pissed off about it, I guess. No, I mean, I get pissed off because everybody was acting as though you are an

insult now. If you say they're both douchebags, yeah. I get it. Don't slap your wife, but also she's being a cont. Like, can't you just, they're both assholes. Take that, take that kid away from both of them, but you can't have this opinion now without somebody shouting insult at you. I gotta, I gotta respond to that. Let's just, I'm going to watch it so Sean can see what we're talking about. Yeah, I've heard about it. It was described to me, but I have not seen it. Here this is the full version, Sean.

So you're going to get a, you're going to get a different experience with this because I'm playing you the entire version and not what they cut and posted on the fucking internet first, which was very different. I'll tell you where they cut and posted on the fucking internet first, which was very different. I'll tell you where they cut it. I'll bet I could figure it out. Yeah, I bet you could do. He's my guy. I'm gonna restore. Okay. Come and hit it. Yes, I'll be. Yes, yes. Okay, I'll be out soon. Just white. Jesus Christ. I'll be out soon. You see that? He flinches at something. So something was thrown.

I've never flinched like this for no reason. Here it continues. Stop. No, I'll be out soon. Grace, stop. Stop, stop, stop. Why don't you just fail over? Can you stop please?

I'll be out soon. What was that with the... Just stop. I can't help it. I don't know. What was that? I'll be out soon. What was that with the, just fuck. Can I get out of it? I don't know. Okay, please. What was that? I'll be out soon. What was that weird grabbing something

and wrestling it around motion? I'm counting stops, by the way, because no, it's supposed to mean fucking no. And I don't care what you're arguing about. Stop and walk away from me. It's a pretty universally understood way to communicate that you want someone to stop and get the fuck away from you. I'm gonna start typing.

I'll be out soon. I'll be out soon. Great. I'll be out soon. Fuck off. Honestly, I'll be out soon. That was a, I'm seeing a bunch of escalated flingings. I'll start throwing shit back at you.

See how you like it. So she's been throshed. I'll be out soon. I will Throwing a box at him. How everybody thinks that's hilarious, but you take the wrong end of a cardboard box to your eye. You're fucking half blind. Yeah Can you not I said I'll be out soon. No, I don't get out. So, I said I'll be out soon. Stop! See? I mean, stop! Oh my god!

Oh my god! Oh my god! I'll be out soon. I think there's a couple more smacks and she comes on the screams at everybody to watch I mean I hate there's a kid there Touch me I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy.

I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy.

I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm that the kid was there. I mean, that gives me, but, but, but you're going to have to complete a complete bitch too. No, I mean, just that they, no, it's just that they have that, that they have that kind of relationship. Well, yeah, yeah, I mean, I mean, you both obviously trash, but yeah, the only thing that you have an FU right? I have two. Yeah, okay okay how old are they? Three and six. Three and six. Okay I have one two I think he's four or five now. You know you know that signature sound that they make the sonic signature of that faint cry when they're being little shits and do you take something out of their hands maybe you're in, they'd go like, yeah, you recognize, he's not hurting me.

I recognize it in her. Oh yeah. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah, that's immediately what you hear on the whole, oh, he hit me on the stream. Kind of a thing. I'm just like, okay, she was presenting for this.

She was beating him. This is what makes me so annoyed about it. And in our day, we had a show called Jerry Springer where morons and garbage would beat the hell out of each other every day, so much so that they had to have a gigantic Mr. Clean on staff to separate them, not in the show, just separate them so that we as an audience could re-experience the

anticipation of the fight that was in Sydney, that was about to happen. When the 300 and over and over and over. When the 300 pound trailer woman beats the hell out of 125 pound glau-von or something, you know, that will all have a multitude of children there. Oh, in the back room. oh yeah back room at home yeah we have laughed at we have laughed we laughed at this like no one was there going I can't believe that you watch Jerry Springer you know that there's children in those situations well yeah no shit but you know we're also totally helpless at protecting any of these people I know

because they were kids in the same situation. And if the government takes their kids, they're gonna put them in rape centers. I know. That's like 30% of foster kids get molested. So exactly how pissed are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm not pissed. It's more just, you know what I'm saying?

Not you, in general. How pissed exactly are you? There are, do you just want to show to everybody how much you don't hit women? Is that what you want to do? Everybody, I especially don't hit women and I really hate this guy. They should lock him up.

Well, while you're getting off to showing off to everybody how safe you are and how protective of women you are by sending him to prison You're setting her in a situation where she's got a she's got to help two kids with no fucking bread winner How you think that's gonna work out? There's one thing that people there's the one thing that people that makes people Have make worse decisions in their life is a desperate need for money and food Absolutely fucking well. Do you think that's gonna go?

Well, actually, they're both fucks. We should take their kids. Where's that gonna go? Think it through. Why don't you motherfuckers think it all the way through for me before calling me an incellant and asshole? Yeah. Because the only, the only weighted cope

with that massive powerlessness that you experienced by watching this shit and then being aware of it at all times is to laugh at it. There is no other way to fix it. You saw what my first reaction was. Laughter. It's gotta be because it's happening all around the fucking globe.

And if you try to help, they're gonna go through your YouTube channel where you make all your fucking money and flag stuff until it gets shut down. Again, that is what I think. I don't know. It's just what I suspect because of the timing. Um, as Travis, anyway, it's tough to admit, it's tough to admit that you can't fix this. You can't fix it. You can't fix this. Well, I feel you can fix it, but you can go on Reddit and complain. Yeah. call the guy in a soul and just call

everybody else an inser. I just I hate how inser has ever since they went to mainstream. It has replaced neck beard as a defector insults to shut down and a man who's criticizing you, even if it's justified. The idea that we need to spend our two of hate, or two minutes of hate, or whatever it is from 1984, yelling about this kind of shit annoys me. Yeah, annoys me a lot. And I'm just not gonna do it out of principle, right? At this point, because I don't, well, am I putting food on their table?

If the guy goes to prison, no. Am I stopping it? If I see it happen, will I stop it? Probably fucking not. Because they're both bad guys They're both equally fucking bad you got cardboard boxes getting chucked around She seems to picture. She won't stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop how many times does it fucking take stop? Yeah, she wants fucking chaos. Yeah Anyway, I don't know. Okay. you got anything else to say on this one?

Oh man, there was all I really just thought I owed you an apology. There you go. Apology accepted. Thank you. And I'll do another bonus episode whenever you want. No, keep petitioning for a public one. All right, see you buddy. Have a good one. Yeah, take care. I like that guy All right, see you buddy. Have a good one. Take care. I like that guy. Yeah, it's cool. It was funny when I found that Carl was on a bonus episode too. It's like, wait a minute, you were on a bonus episode.

These guys have been running this scam all over town. Everybody's on a bonus. All right, everybody, this is Muthedic Show. patreon.com slash the Dic show. Dic dot show to the Dixho. Dixho.com. This song is from Ego Makes Beats. It's a TDS trap theme. I don't think we've heard it before. Then I've got Facebook news.

I've got Emily Vavum's and Thomas McCoy has sent in a competing news. Oh, boy. I'm going to play them both and see what you think. Here's the TDS trap theme. I just domestic violence. I hope you have plenty of ink. Made off use of bitch Made off you some bitch It's relaxing. I needed that. I know.

Made off you some bitch. I'm gonna go to sleep tonight listening to the hard-man-working hard song. Yeah. You think Peach came up with all those annoying things? Yeah. Yeah. It's a good writer. Yeah, I don't doubt it for a second. I probably Yeah. It's a good writer. Yeah, I don't doubt it for a second.

I probably did. It's probably didn't even have to write it. And you probably just recorded them all day. That'd be good. We need an elf on a shelf, but for women, during the holidays. Two elves on the shelf. Elf on the shelf has a buddy this year.

Yeah, fucking stick. Stick in the hand. What about the lights? You get one decision card every day. You wake up with the woman with your wife or your girlfriend. You give her a decision card that she can play. When she needs you to help her make a decision, she's got to use the card.

Although, that's it. So don't waste it on. Should I get soft white or white white or double white lights, an icicle lights? And what are your parents want? Are we going up there for dinner? And are we gonna have you looked at a Christmas card on all this other nonsense? You want decision like an advent calendar. You go, but for women

in their holidays, shit. Okay, here's Emily's Facebook news. Hello, Dick and hello, Dick heads. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple days. D&D could spell divorce and depression for one dickhead this week. A night of games and drinking led to a hysterical life calling the police on her missing husband, when he failed to let her know that he needed to sleep off the liquor and did not answer his phone. Upon arriving home, a female officer dressed him down over his drinking and driving, but only gave him a warning. The dickhead then questioned why the cop thought the best way to find him was to wait for him in his own driveway

When he was sleeping with his motor running at the biggest gas station in town He is now sleeping on the couch and is asking for advice our number two story What advice you need you got to figure it out man. She's leaving in your car at a gas station The motor running motor running not a car in the world. Check cop waiting to a cost you at home. The hell is that? I mean, it's hard to give you advice because I don't know what your goals are. Your goals are clearly to fuck up your relationship.

So you want to maximize the... You can teach me something. Yeah, I mean, what are you? What are you? You got to you got to figure out your goal and then then ask again, right? Eightball says ask a good news comes from a post that Miss Liz Layton made asking when was the most inconvenient time you've ever had diarrhea most answered every time I've ever had diarrhea. Well, Jake Brown got the runs during his run, completely filling his spandex. He was running with a female friend he had a crush on,

and they had two kilometers left to go. Lastly, I'm sorry, just do my pants like this. I mean, no, but deal. I'm sorry, just do my pants. Sorry, I mean. No, but deal. Spent. Wow.

Did he ever talk to her again? I don't know. I mean, follow up question. What's the worst time you've ever got diarrhea? Oh, God, so few times. OK. Yeah. Now, one of the ones that comes to mind was,

you know, you used to appraise property. Yeah. My early 20s, early mid 20s. And I was out in the hills. It was like, God, I can't remember where I was, but it was an area, kind of a country issue. Might have been like shadow hills here where it's like, there's like horse property,

like right in the middle of the city of LA, and driving on like a long kind of paved road, and some of it was dirt, some it was paved, and I'm back there, and one of these houses fucking way back there, and just, I had, I'd probably been drinking the night before, and I had like rot gut 7-Eleven coffee, and I'm just like, oh my God,

I'm gonna fucking shit my pants, like right fucking now, if I don't get out of this fucking triad drive in F-150 at the time. And it's still like an access road, so cars are coming. And there's no, it's not like running down the side of the freeway or something like that. Well, there's this big fucking hill off to the side that like is just a dirt hill.

Like they're doing construction. I just ran out of there to and just fucking shit. I had like like McDonald's napkins and like, you know, receipts from home depot or something. You gotta do what you gotta. And I was just like, I was just like, God, please no cars come around this corner. And I got away with it. But it was, it was that or shit my pants like 10 seconds later. There was no stopping it. Did you leave the napkins on the road? Well, of course. Okay. What are you gonna do? Man, just outside of Hill? Oh, yeah, but it was it was bad news. A poll was leaked from

the Dixiel Girls Chat where they voted on the group's worst guy out of nine options. The top three are his follows. Stephen Bailey's moose and clay early. Most of the guys in the group see this as a challenge to rise to. While others wonder if they even made the list at all. This has been the Dixiel Facebook group news for the last couple days. You don't want to not be on the list of who the girls hate the most or who's the worst guy. Nobody wants to not be on that list. Right? Okay, now here is Tom McCoy's version of the news. Hey, Facebook news. I used to buy the name of Jesse Nassim posted, Hey, Jesse from Pod Awful here.

I've been in the group the whole time. Don't freak out. Just wanted to say you guys were right. Right? The Facebook group is divided over the state of Facebook group news. With Maxwell Kimball commenting earlier in the month, SJWs are ruining Facebook news by replacing Captain Jackass with a fucking woman. This week Kimball went on to create a poll as to whether or not the Facebook news should be canned until the return of Captain Jackass. The poll currently stands at 67 yes votes to 22 no. Should be banned. A leak from the secret of girls. That revealed

the most disliked male members of the Facebook. I already heard this news with controversial moderators Steven Bailey is taking the number one spot. A poll for the sexiest male member was also held. However, the results remain a secret. One need only look at the shoots for the abandoned TDS calendar to know it's a fierce competition. That's it. Bye.

Okay. What? Okay. Have you liked? If you liked Emily's go on Maddox's site and vote for the vote on the left, whatever he's got. And if you like to tom's more go on the right vote on the right go to madcast media dot com to go to do that uh... systems is invoices

hey dick ryan berman here and this is what makes me a rage this week people go into your house and break your fucking oily uh... the whole damn toilet... Smiley. Recently I just let my brother stay with me for a little while. And you know, that thing's okay.

He's a bit of a dipshit, but whatever. Family. The...about a day before he is about to leave and head on back to wherever he goes. Break my toilet seat. Now mine, this guy is 200 plus pounds and rather than own up to it like most other dipshit that go and break your toilet and or toilet seat, he tries to blame it on my 45 pound daughter. So yeah and I expected to believe that this 200 plus two hundred plus how man

just at my point the all nice and fifteen well he forty five pound girl just happened to break in half of what if i can toilet seat what if it was slammed not buying by the little girl you know all we're slammed on the rim all that can break and begin with her made up that's like oh hey they break the toilet seat they don't want to do anything

i wouldn't care so much if they were just tell me the truth but no yet to lie about it every fucking time but the time i don't know me for a few months the day he leaves go up there to take a shit it's all clogged up we're flowing actually completely destroyed luckily i have all of these toilet wonder skills from all the people that try to fuck up

my toilet and don't own up to it. When I go into someone's house and I fuck up their toilet, you know what I do? He has multiple plungers in the same bathroom. I tell them that. Oh, yeah. This is Mario's third brother. Yeah. He's real serious about plumbing.

Multiple plungers. That's fucking tough. Right, this is the guy who leaves Amazon reviews about plungers. Yeah, right. They need to do some kind of recording. Clear, has some friends who fucking lay some rivet busters, man. There needs to be a camera that can record like a blur version.

So you can't see anything, like it records and it turns it into Little stickman so you can see who did what to your toilet Because that's their people are on their own you send them in there and they can come out the whole place could be destroyed Like a smithura style Hey deck Alex from Jacksonville you know it makes me a fucking rage? God damn old people, man. Doing shit on the weekends when I'm trying to get my shit done. Fuck, man. These motherfuckers don't work money through Friday like I do. I got shit I need to do. And what are they doing? Klogging up the lines everywhere I fucking go. Jesus Christ, do your sit on a Wednesday. You don't do anything. What the fuck, man?

Don't fuck yourself. Yeah. All right, well, it's not that, what are they doing all week? I don't know, but they do get a lot slower as they get old. So they think it's a little. It's a little.

But it's Sunday. I don't know, things get a little more confusing. Just things that we take for granted. I mean, you know, God help them if they're trying to use the self checkout lanes. Yeah. Well, they will be more confusing if they do it on the weekends. Well, the guy saying we get like a sooner day.

So no, I know. I know, that's the, go on on Tuesday. Yeah, it's not that they're there to me. It's that they do things at like, you take some twice as long as it takes, you know, younger people a lot of the time. So they could have, they could have as much help in the world as they want

if they would just do it at six in the morning. Like they need in a, we're up anyway. Yeah, we need an adult swim for Walmart or wherever everybody is. Like all right, only, we're only doing 50 plus right now. And if you're not in here, then you're on your own. Yeah. We have a time to dedicate to you, fucking boomers.

Hi, dad. Kai, Sean crippled. Jesus here. Hey, what makes me a rage is women that say they understand our comedy. This is in every woman's tender pile. They're like, Oh, I love dark comedies. I'm darkened, twisted and so funny. But when you actually tell them a joke that is considered dark comedy, they're like, oh, what the the hell you need help that's not

that's not the other day the other day this chick said she likes doubt comedy right so i told the black joke and she gets all bandits real dot real comedy is subjective this because you don't understand it doesn't mean it's not funny. I really think I hate that, I hate that mindset and it just really makes me a fucking rage.

That was a good game, man. I mean, it's chick comedy though. Like, they have their own version of dark comedy that's not the same as our version of dark comedy. Was it just talking about periods? Yeah. We're off of China. Mm-hmm. They do have their own sense of humor, and there's not a lot of overlap.

Yeah. Women. The women do. I'm trying to think of a dark comedy joke that a woman would appreciate. Probably a guy getting hurt at some point. Mm-hmm. Guy can just, I put out by a box. Here's a dark comedy joke.

Here's a joke that a woman would think was dark comedy like it. A guy goes, guy dies and goes to heaven and he gets a Lamborghini and goes, hey, what's the deal? Why do I get a Lamborghini here? And he goes, well, we base it on how good of a husband you were. That's why you got this dope Lamborghini.

You didn't, you never cheated on your wife. And that's very important. Cheating, fidelity, marital fidelity is very important up here in hell heaven. So you got Lamborghini and he goes, oh, tell him. I'm going to show, go off and have an and show it around. And he sees his wife. He's like, hey, you died too, huh? And she goes, yeah, it's like, hey, he died too, huh?

And she goes, yeah, he's all, what'd you get? Let me see, we're gonna walk you your car and she's driving a moped, Sean. You got it? Get the joke? Yep, very dark. Yes, because she means she fucked around a lot. They love that, eat it up.

That's their comedy for women. All right. What makes me a rage for people who constantly have to tell you how much they don't give a fuck but i can't stand these people for the same reason i can't stand for planners because of the same person they don't even say

that they don't care and like a believable man, and we're like, no, it's no biggie. They'll bitch, cry and know about their life for 20 minutes straight in the same fucking breath. And then once you offer some advice to say, why don't you do something about it? It's not like a give a fuck or anything. It's you that give a fuck. It's you that makes care.

Yeah. I can't fucking stand these people. I don't give a fuck. This bitch and mom. I don't care. You're a fucking baby or admit that you fucking care. You're on the verge of tears after one beer. I don't wanna fucking hear you explain it by your wife.

I'm dead. And then end it with, I don't give a fuck about anything, man. Anyways, take care, guys. They really don't care. Yeah. Some people tell you how much I really don't care. I got a whole presentation on how much I don't care. Yeah.

You wouldn't even believe it. You wouldn't believe how little I care about this argument. Yeah. Feelings are for losers, not like me. I'm a winner. Hey, dayk, Sean. This is Rodina Transgender Field here. You want to know what makes me a rage?

Not getting no respect. I'm telling you, I came out to my parents. Want to let them know that I was transgender my dad said great I've always wanted a son You know then I you know then I went in I want to tell the people who work to told my boss that I feel like I'm a woman on the inside I'm a man on the out yeah, so he cut my pay by 23% They cut my pay 23% yeah, they won't even let me use my own pronouns. You know, I told them that I chose the name

that makes me feel good. They just keep calling me queer bait. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz whiz wh I ride less danger field. Okay. I don't know. I like, I like, whoo. Trans-Rodney Danger Field jokes. And there's no, no confusing what it is. All right. I get no respect when I told my wife I was gonna transition. She was against it, not because she's transphobic, but because I'd give women a bad name.

That's pretty good. Okay, yeah. My doctor Vinnie Bumbot City, give me a discount on the gender surgery. Turns out he wouldn't need to remove my balls. My wife already did that when we got married. Oh. Mm-hmm. My girlfriend broke up with me because I'm Christian.

I said, honey, how can you be so judgmental? She said, it's not judgmental. I just preferred you when you were Christine. Mm-hmm. Damn, it's not judgmental. I just preferred you when you were Christine. Damn, rough. Growing up was tough. I remember telling my dad I wanted to come out and he said, you should go in first. My gender researcher, he was cheap.

I got a new penis, but now I'm missing a finger. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Hold my wife, I'm getting a sex change now I'm missing a finger. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Hold my wife, I'm getting a sex change. I'm becoming a woman. She said, you're becoming a woman. I said, I'm becoming a woman. She said, good, now you can disappoint yourself in bed. Oh, oh, oh.

I told my psychiatrist, I said, I'm a man now, but everyone still thinks I'm a woman. He said, don't be ridiculous. Everyone hasn't met you. I told my old man, I'm gonna transition into a woman. He said, I think you do better. I think you do well. You already got the cans for it.

Oh, mm-mm. I ain't good at nothing. Even my pronouns are amateur. That's a good one. All right. I have any more of these ridiculous jokes. My doctor said with a penis that small, you should just transition into a woman. He understands. My doctor and get it over with. I said, I wanted a second opinion. He said, well, you're ugly too. Yeah. That's a good one. All right.

That's it. That's the end of Trans-Roddy Danger Field. All right. They see us.