The Dick Show - Episode 14 – Dick on Drugs

Episode Date: September 6, 2016

Download the MP3 My man gets a fake marriage and then does too many drugs, I discover the world’s greatest pick-up line, a bike I stole gets stolen, we have several altercations with the angsty powers that be at Burning Man, Camp Furry, casual references to literary classics, the Trumpyx, and cucumbers are the devil’s … Continue reading "Episode 14 – Dick on Drugs" The post Episode 14 – Dick on Drugs appeared first on The Dick Show.

Yeah Yeah Oh you got two years you got two years. Oh, I know for the price of not I'm not gonna get in a not the yes. Why would I be? Yeah, my man. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I didn't work on your yes all week.

And you got something to yeah about today. I've been, oh, I got a huge thing to yeah about today. Welcome to the Dix show. You need dick, you love dick, you want more dick. You got it. It's the only podcast where everything is contest. It's the only podcast broadcasting from Burning Man that you want to listen to as far as I'm aware of,

but I don't listen to podcasts that I'm not on. So that's just my personal opinion. What are you gonna do? I mean, I would tell everyone to do that. I mean, there's no way Mark Maren's out here. No, Mark Maren's not out here and Trump is not out here. Everyone's been telling me that Trump is out here, but I would know in my Trumpics, it's a bone right above my coccyx that, that vibrates depending on how far

away I am from Donald Trump, like the guy in Hitchhiker's guy to the galaxy, like how everybody of their far away from their originating star system, they feel it, they feel that sense of panic. I have that, but it's in my Trump, my Trumpics. No, that makes sense, because if you, if Trump was nearby and, and your Trumps equals, uh, inflared, yeah, I would, I would be blinded. And we spent all week together. So what am I supposed to, you know, like, I, everybody you're listening to my man, my man and I are at burning man. And we have a lot to talk about. Oh, fuck, do we have a lot to talk about? I'm so glad you're doing this with me, by the way.

I mean, yeah, it's been great. I was so excited. I've been wanting to do it a long time listener, a short time fan. First time co-host. First time listener, first time co-host. So this is something I'm going to crush everyone. Oh, you're going to crush everyone in the list. You're going to crush Denzel.

Denzel is going right in the dirt, six feet under Mr. Velvet. He's about, he's like six feet. I'm putting this in the seat and see him at blocks and I'm tossing him in the dirt six feet under okay, Mr. Velvet. He's about he's like six four I'm putting this a eaten semen blocks, and I'm tossing them in the ocean. Okay. All right. What about Robin Higgins? Robin Huggins. That's what I'm saying right now. Okay. What fucking doing this good for you bring it up I'm crossing my I'm rooting for you. I'm rooting for you. No, I always root for you Although I owe you a couple of apologies on this podcast. Yeah, homie At least date apologies. I think I actually owe you about $400 worth of apologies. Well, right?

We do the final tally yet. The tally's not up yet on our art project. Or our project. That literally a set, a someone was show my man and I made an art project for burning man. For those people who don't know my man and I, an art project for Burning Man. For those people who don't know, my man and I, we met at Burning Man, I brought Steve, my man, home with me from Burning Man,

because he was having a rough, he didn't wanna go home. He didn't wanna go home, and I consider myself like a drunken mustache Peter Pan. And when I see boys that don't wanna go home, I wanna bring them back to my never land. I think it's reasonable to say your life coach is your life coach. And my life coach is you. Well, I appreciate that. I appreciate that. But I think it's a reason I mean, it's sarcastically. So be careful. However, oh, fuck you then. However, never

mind. I rescind everything I've ever said about you. However. And you're claimed. That's where we met. And this year, several years later, we have completed an art project that we've been talking about since we met for two years. For two years? Two full years. For two years.

And I'll just try to have that project. And I'll just try to have that project everyone. Burning Man is an art festival. No matter what. Some people say that Burning Man is just a's an art festival. No matter what, some people say that burning man is just a gathering for sickos and weirdos and drugged out entitled narcissists and trust fund maniacs and people who are burnt out and sexual degenerates.

This is what people will say. People will say that it's a place for people who aren't comfortable with their sexuality. A place for people who are angry at their parents. That's what people will say. They'll say that they'll say that it's a place for people with no direction. They'll say that it's a place or if we just nuke, didn't took everybody out that the world would be better off.

That's what people say about burning man. Every time they'll say that's what they say. They say it's a place where it's people who say they have values of inclusion, intolerance and togetherness and creativity, but it's really a bunch of scumbags who are trying to see sure off in the same gutter who are trying to jerk off in the same gutter. Correct. It's the kind of people who will pee on a toilet seat in an outhouse and then say, it's the kind of people who will just steal your toilet seat in an outhouse and then say, it's the kind of people who will just steal your bike.

Oh, yeah. No reason. And then like, pain at gold and come back next year with it in their hands as if it was their bike. Okay. You're talking about me. Well, I'm not talking about anyone. I'm just saying like that's the type of thing that I, my man is describing an incident that I did where I, I, I didn't steal that bike knowingly last year.

I was very- It's a community bike, it's not stealing, it says community right on there. I'm not calling. I've got to unpack a lot of this. At Burning Man, because it is a place of degenerates and the destitute, we will say, people that Jesus cared about.

Exactly. Really, right? It is financed by trust fund maniacs, like the Google people and the Facebook people, right? It is, and it is financed by, by trust fund maniacs, like the Google people and the Facebook people, right? So they fund these endeavors wherein they purchase several thousand bicycles called community bicycles for everyone to use. And they're painted green and they're called yellow bike because burning man is a giant New Yorker cartoon where everything has to be some fucking medagome.

No, no, no, they're painted green and they're called yellow bikes because it's the Google people that brought them and the letters and the letters in the Google logo are green and yellow. That's why they're called yellow bikes. Yeah. Oh, too much explanation. Every every joke here takes explanation. It takes a full week. No, we're 15 minutes in. We haven't gotten to we haven't got to buy

six. I know. God damn it. I got a whole list here. And we're not getting through. Um, so these bikes are I considered these bikes like like they're like they're like they're like the real world equivalent of homeless people pushing around shopping cards. Yeah. Like I last year, I wouldn't be caught dead using one of these community bikes. You look like a dirt pig. Yeah. Well, my bike got stolen. Stoned right out from me under your feet, or others in.

So I got into the community bike game, which is you going around and hunting these community bikes, these green bikes, like it's some kind of massive memorka bug. That's what it is. That is what you turn your life into. Suddenly, when you are in the community bike game, everything you do, you are going around, like you're having the worst trip of your life trying to scope out, you can spot a green bike

like a Peregrine Falcon from 1,000 yards away. 20 miles an hour. When you need to get that green bike because your feet depend on it, the amount, the speed at which you can refill your liquor receptacle depends on your ability to grab a community bike and keep it. That's the secret of the community bike game. It's not the getting the community bike. It's the keeping it because it says very clearly

on the community bike, on the, on the, excuse me, on the green bike, but it is a yellow bike. So you can call it either one, but it is in fact green. There is a placard that says, this is a community bike, it's for everyone. Do not hoard the bike. Do not lock up the bike.

Don't decorate the bike. So you have to, you you it's on your honor to prop it up Outside of your camp or wherever you are at Burning Man So that some other player in the community bike game can come along and and grab it and use it for their purposes However, this is a game that's that to trickery. Like I might, you know, maybe I'm coming in hot and I happen to accidentally chuck the bike under my car to hide it. Did I?

Is that hoarding? Or maybe I don't know. I don't know. I just a few minutes ago, we laid our non-community bikes on top of your bike. Yeah, it's not. I can't handle where, I don't know what about that. I can't control where other people place their bikes.

Maybe they pile all of their bikes on my bike, like some kind of bike orgy. By the way, broadcasting this podcast, not 200 feet away from the orgy dome. Not, yeah, if that. Not 200 feet away from the orgy. Maybe 175, soft 170, not point. Anyway, that's the community bike game. And what happened was I was in dire need of a community bike

walking back from the open, the open Esplanade is what we call it. The giant. Which I believe is the Mexican word for beach. Yes. And if Trump were here, he would have come out and shirukened you out of nowhere for using a Mexican word for shirukened you for being a, Trump were here, he would have come out and Sharu can do you out of nowhere for using a Mexican word for

Trump or hitting the word I'm Mexican if trouble here We would come out and Sharu can do for being a dirty mongrel. So You are getting sassy today. All right, so I came in Freezing needing a community bike and I spotted a green bike and I thought you know what? I'm grabbing it. That's a community bike. That's a community bike. I'm taking it. Grabbed it, took it back to camp next day. I realized this is not in fact a community bike. This is some, I didn't know this part of the story. You didn't know this part of the story? No, I thought it was a community bike the whole time.

I thought it was, I accidentally God or who that guy who wrapped of green tape around the bike, he made me steal it because he tricked me into thinking that it was a free available bike. It wasn't my fault. No, it's not your fault at all. If you paint your car like a taxi cab and people, if you put an Uber sticker up and people hammer on the window wanting to get in, that's your fault. That doesn't make me a criminal. Okay. Exactly.

And it doesn't matter that I immediately stripped all the tape off of it and spray painted it gold so that I could continue so that no one else would make the same mistake. I'm just, I don't want to make someone else a criminal. You're doing a service. That's the problem. So don't act like you, my man, don't act like I stole it. And then I somehow know I thought up until this moment, I thought you had stolen a community bike. I didn't realize that there was this, it's a backstory to choke. No, there's

a there's a backstory where I anyway, within 10 within two days of being here immediately stolen. So immediately stolen by one of the spiritual and lightened awakened, extreme participation immediately stolen by some, what are we, what are the people who are at this event? What, I don't know, is that we want to dive right into? Is this fucking what I want to dive right into? Is this fucking, what I wanna dive right into is I owe you an apology. I owe you a big apology. And I don't make apologies often

because I don't ever mean them. And it's embarrassing. So I try not to do it. But I owe you an apology because today, I bust open my tent. I whip open my tent. Pretty hung over. I think, hey, I'm gonna grab. I'm gonna grab a beer. I'm gonna grab a nice cold to Cate and I'm gonna go back to bed and I'm gonna sleep until about 2 p.m.

Perfect. Right? What could it be? Like 9 o'clock? It's that time. You tell time when you're in the desert, when you are outside of the modern, of modern conveniences, you tell time by temperature. Yeah, let me tell you that's one of the things I love about this place. Beautiful. That you, you can tell the time. You stop thinking about time as a number and you start thinking about time as a temperature. So when that, when you're, when your tent hits the degrees, hits the degree at which your testicles melt and you could cook a pizza in your tent, that's when you know it's exactly 9 a.m. And that's 9.01. And in the real world, that would be 9 o'clock. I'm trying to make that's the conversion metric. Okay, all right. That's the heat if there was a chart. So I get I get out of the tent.

And my man's girlfriend turns to me and says, Hey, get your ass out of bed. We're getting married. We're getting married. We're getting married. We're fucking doing it. We're getting married. Married is fuck.

First of all, bullshit. Right. That's fair. Plot, pliettingot pli-o wedding. Give me a fucking wedding. You know, you're gonna break. You got a point. Yeah, give me a break.

How much more cliche can you be? How serious can you be a f-i-o wedding? I'm a burning man. You know, no, I get it. I get it. I get it. We've tried to do it last year. You tried to do it last year.

You were there. You were there. You were there. You realized it's ridiculous. It was impossible as ridiculous. I mean, you realized the idea, like this is the summer camp for adults. There's no, this is like a friendship bracelet you're doing. Like I love you forever.

I'll write you letters every day from home and my parents will read them and then shoot me out for using words I don't know about sex. That's what you're talking about. Yeah, is this real? Is this a real marriage? They are engaged in? Definitely a real marriage.

Okay, you guys, you know, because last year, it was a ply marriage. 100% last year, we were stomping around, we're half drunk, is four in the morning, we're on drugs and we're trying to ask random girls to come back to our tent. I'm like, wait a minute, what's that? Oh, you didn't hear that story?

No. What do you mean random girls come back to our tent. I'm like, wait a minute, what's that? Oh, you didn't hear that story? No. What do you mean random girls coming back to your tent? Oh, no, no. So we asked a couple girls. What was... You're not getting a tap in on this one. Who are you turning to? What are you talking about? All right. So we, I was all, what do they call it? Hi, was a new kitchen. Yeah, okay. And I, I expressed to my, I guess fiance at the time, this is last year, we're talking about last year. My now wife. And I said, you know why, you know why, I really wanna do that standard dude thing,

which is bang two bronze. Okay. That's the stereotypical cookie cutter. This is a very romantic story that took a real heart, it took a hard 180. Oh yeah, well. Yeah. Why do you hang out with me? It's not for the soft one. Okay, so, it took a hard 180. Oh yeah, well. Yeah.

Why do you hang out with me? It's not for the soft one. Okay, so what happened? What's your setup for that moment? So, so I was all up on the drugs and she, she was tired, she's, you know, she's a sweet heart too. Yeah, my wife, my wife, and she just said, you know what, you know, take care of what

have you got to take care of. But what, what, you wore her down? I guess I wore her down. I guess that's what it was. That's what works. I'm finally wore her down. Persistence and alcohol. She's like, that is the best,

that is the game pickup artistry. It can all be condensed into perseverance, persistence, and alcohol. So finally it finally worked for you. She was an armed wandering streets of Burning Man, just asking strangers, just whoever, any cute girl, what is she, she got dark hair.

This wouldn't work for you as a single man though. Why would this technique work for you in this scenario? That's the key though. Suddenly, you're burning me and saying, oh, I need a third, it's a lot easier than saying I need one more. It seems like that, right? Because you already got some.

You already have, this is the mind of the men, by the way. This is the sick mind of men that we spend so long, so long trying to win one girl. And then as soon as we got the one girl, we're like, well, I gotta get two, I gotta get two of these, I don't know, I gotta get two, second one's gotta be easier.

Cause that's how the rest of life works, not in this one. Never. It's like trying to get more parents. I got one parent, I got two parents, when I had a third in there, no problem. You're barking on the wrong tree. You know, my mom's been married five times. I got stepped out the ass.

I don't think that's what we want to jump into. Okay, anyway, this is, we're starting a burning man wedding story. Yes. Right? And it's romantic. Well, it's not like me not. It was romantic, but it was a double wedding. It was a double wedding. As any fake wedding would be.

It was a double wedding. It is the, you guys, your wedding was cute. It was great. We nailed it. Yeah, I don't wanna, I don't wanna, the other one, you guys know each other forever, right? There'll be two years and I keep looking at her like the audience in here.

She's going to flash you. She's going to, she's going to give me a thumbs up. I'm like, yeah, good job babe. No, it's almost two years. I love it. The other wedding, just met, days, just met, days. Ders. Which I'm watching it.

I'm watching it unfold and I'm thinking Maybe this is the way to be super real like what are the odds that this last year last year I was in the same situation couple just met Couple just met at Burning Man We had a big soup flavored blanket's box. They met it. All right. Yeah, they got married dude I got back to the real world, the default world as everyone. Burning Man has a whole set of vocabulary words. I mean, it's been all day on it.

We could really spend all day on it. They may, some of them I like, but most of them make my stomach turn into knots like a Labrador that you have to put to sleep. Like a Labrador that has like football stomach or some, some $6,rador that you have to put to sleep. Like a Labrador that has like football stomach or some $6,000 problem that you have to have a real, that you tell, you always tell your wife or girlfriend that you would pay for it. Like yeah, of course we would pay for that

because you don't wanna have that conversation. It's like, it's one under abortion. It goes, that's the level of abortion. You never wanna have that conversation because you just gonna lot, you have no idea where you are. You're like a polar bear floating on an ice flow in the middle of the ocean,

not having any idea where it's going, not having any idea where you can, not even knowing if there's ice ever again or if all the ice has melted. That's the abortion. Do we pay to fix your dog? Do we pay six grand to fix your dog that is one shade wider than the absolute black abortion conversation no that's true so anyway last year i knew a couple

that got married and same same deal and when i got back to the default world everybody mocked it relentlessly. Relentlessly. Relentlessly. Oh, like that's real. It's not real. Like what? You did it in the desert.

They don't know each other. They don't know each other. Like, well, like what the fuck is the difference? My grandparents were fucking married after they knew each other for two weeks. And you know how they met? My grandmother stole my grandpa's car. Yeah? So suddenly I'm not, it's true story.

Suddenly I'm not allowed to meet someone in the fucking desert and fall in love with them and they'll fuck me, fuck me for trying, right? Cause it's the future. Yeah. And we have to have like 19 year engagement cycles before we decide to just give it a go. But I love the vows were my favorite parts.

So you guys are getting married, another couple are getting married in front of a giant art piece that mostly you made, but I've been going around all week taking credit for. I didn't build it for just me to take credit. It's a giant, it's a giant four segment LED clock that I had to bring away back, but you were gonna to apologize in regards

of that clock, I think I've got several apologies lined up. I'm keeping track of all my apology. Okay. A seven segment led clock that just shows 12 all the time because weeks, always said it would be the most annoying thing ever because all anybody wants to know is the time. And this would never get would be like a giant middle finger. Nothing could say fuck you because they look at it and they think, can this be set? I want to set this. Is it 12?

Is it actually 12? It sinks in their brain. We actually had real vandals come out and try to set. Real vandals came out and they clipped the wires to make it say two because they wanted to say anything other than 12, so bad. Okay, so this is the middle of the day and there's two couples getting having a burning man shotgun wedding

in front of this giant 12. You said you're a vows. I did? And they were, they were all, I mean awful. They were just as far as vows go. I've seen good vows that have two things. One, you were my best man and you're supposed to workshop that shit with me. And you did not come through on that.

You just heard the words and said that it's good enough as much. I said, tell a story of when you fell in love or when you met. Okay. Did you did you do that? I did not. What would we give those vows? Maybe a seven out of 10, a four, a four from the wife. I'm getting a four. Yeah. Okay, so then we go to the other couples vows And I'm gonna need help on this one because I I loved it because it was such a throwback

It was the one of the bullet points on the vows was a musical connection Was that do does any want do you remember what the musical connection between, it was, it was Steely Dan, right? I wrote that down because I, I would never, in a million years, I've never, in a million years had a bonding moment over Steely Dan of everybody over Steely Dan. I was like, well, God damn it. If they're, if these two 20 year olds are bonding over Steely Dan. I was like, well, God damn it. If there, if these two 20 year olds are bonding over steely Dan,

how much, like how many e-cupid formulas can you connect before you get a connection as obscure and as intense, I know steely Dan fans and they'll murder you for not liking steely Dan. Are you a big, are you, I'm talking to a wife right now. Are you a big steel, you're a big steely Dan fan? I wouldn't say. Yeah.

Would you murder me if I said anything wrong about steely Dan? I guess that's, you can give me a head shake. Yes, you know, you would not murder me, but you would probably think about it. Probably slap it a little bit. That was, that was my favorite as that was, it was, it saved the vows, part. So these, the steely Dan vows are getting red. There is a feral child running around the clock with blonde red blocks playing in massive amounts of dirt throwing, throwing them up into the air.

I hit interrupt. Did we even actually describe the clock? Yes, I did. I did describe the clock. It's a 12 foot tall seven segment led led display. 20 20. I don't want people to be confused. You guys rode in on a shrimp. You rode off on a shrimp and this all of this, you see, you, you seem very happy,

but I have to, I have to apologize because I feel like I caused this. I feel like I set these events in motion two years ago. When you came back, everybody who listens to the podcast has been listening to your story for two and a half years. You know that. I know the story. I mean, people still have a bruise. Look at it. You can see it from the, yes, from when you were assaulted. Oh, violently. In the Chumson drum episode. The Chumson drum episode and biggest problem in the universe. Everyone's been following your story for two years and I just got to give the man update that you are married. I am now married. And a fake wedding at Burning Man. I mean, is there any wedding that is real? Good question. Oh, they're called the called

partnerships. Yeah, it's called a lease. That's a wedding. That's a wedding, it's real. Okay, so let's talk about what makes me rage about Burning Man. All right. Are you ready for that, Part? Are we doing on time? We get 30 minutes. I'm pretending to be Sean this week. Wait, do you want to talk about your wife's vows too?

Do you have some kind of a problem with your wife's vows? Well, did you want to say more about my vows other than being unprepared and possibly improise yeah they were all improvise but i think a lot you're a you're a great storyteller your local issues story teller on your own like when you sit around when you sit around the uh... when you sit around the campfire telling stories you can talk for hours all i love to hear me you love to hear you yet when we got out to the clock i was i was expecting

a three hour monologue of your love for your wife. I was nervous. Yeah, you claimed up actually claimed up for real It's funny you get you get out there and you see it's the difference between you're talking to one or two if people are Standing all of a sudden you can't talk to them. If you had 10 people sitting out there, no problem. You could ramble at them, you could say sweet things, you could say hilarious things all day. But as soon as they stand up, you're totally different scene. Yeah.

And I was fucked. Yeah. And then we got the wedding photographer who comes, who's possibly the most drugged out girl in the, in the world at that point of the world. A beautiful Slovakian woman with a pink wig. Pink wig, yeah. Slovenian woman with a pink wig and a silver bathing suit comes bicecling up and just stares at the clock after you guys when we're taking pictures.

A group photo. When we're taking a group photo. So I say, why make the stupid decision of walking over there and saying, hey, beautiful girl, will you mind taking a picture of everybody? You know, the easiest thing in the world, you just point the can, I've already got it framed,

I've already got it zoomed in and out. All you have to do is look into it and point it at the clock. So what you're describing is the absolute rage that we've been dealing with this whole project. It's not just in this moment where you get to fucking deal with these imaginary point of direction. It's the whole project where it's like some guy, you know, whatever his name is, his fucking name's tarot. I don't fucking give know, whatever his name is, his name's Darryl. I don't fucking give a shit what his name is. And he calls me and he's like,

Hey man, I promise you, I can help you on Tuesday. So you're talking about unreliable people. I'm talking about unreliable people. People are like, You don't need ear buds. Go ahead, you don't need ear buds, just go with it. I just like, yeah. Well, that's the second apology I owe you.

So what's because we planned on building this clock together. And I have flaked just about in every way to help you build this clock. Since it's inception, you're up in Mendocino, cutting out blocks, soldering LED strips to the clocks trying the correct thing, ordering the correct things, trying to make this big beautiful sculpture for no reason. And I'm in Hollywood screaming about nonsense into a microphone and failing on one thing after another to help you out in this thing, right? Is that accurate or is that accurate?

Yeah, no, that's, that might be 100% accurate. I mean, this is, it's it got to the point where my now wife kept saying uh... what the f**k does dick have to do with the with the f**king project no nothing nothing i know and i know nothing and i said not that you do you did all the work i can't i cannot help i i am totally worthless for as much as i will rail and rant about people not holding up their end of the bargain of any bargain. I totally failed in this. We're all guilty of it.

We're all guilty of it. That's true. I'm guilty every single person cannot keep their shit together enough to help, enough to even, we're talking about like pick anybody up from anything. Everybody is, I mean don't worry about it. Like there's a guy, the guy promises me three weeks in advance. He goes, I can help you on Tuesday. And I call him on Tuesday morning. I said, where the fuck are you? And he says, Oh, I'm at the church

parking lot. Come pick me up at the church parking lot. Great. Can't, can't wait to, you know, I'll see you there. I'll see you in 10 minutes. I'll buy coffees for us. You're really overregging. Oh, that's how you know somebody's not going to show up because they start making big promises. Like I'm saying, my man, I'll be there. I will help you put this clock together. And in fact, not only am I going to help you put this clock together, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to control all the electrons. You don't have to worry. I'm going to, I'm going to polish it all to you. I'm going to buy you a new car as soon as somebody starts adding, doing with the add-ons, you know there is a 0% chance of them showing up. Yeah. And I guess what happened. He said to me,

Hey, man, can I just do cocaine instead of hang out with you today? Yeah. And I said, well, I'm not paying you so you can do whatever you want. Yeah. By the way, you fucked me. Because you don't just do cocaine one night and then like next day go to work It's a it's a that's a weekender. You stayed up till five. You're doing your fucking you got to take the next day off You're doing the whole weekend everybody knows you got to take the next day off and lay in bed eating Mediterranean food and watching the incredible so I Hand the wedding camera over to the drug this the most drug, the most hottest chick on the most drugs in the world, assuming that she will be able to stand there, assuming that

every human who can read a language understands that a button, or even a monkey can do this. Monkeys are getting copyrights now. Monkeys are getting fucking cocky. That's the problem. They can do all kinds of shit that most of our goddamn fucking high school graduates can't even pull off. It's not just a pressing of butt and it's doing, you know what, you got your thing.

Yeah, so I go, you say, are you all right? Do you wanna take a break? No, I'm good. You wanna take a break, I think. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. So I go stand in the group photo and this girl, she's there for about 10 minutes taking

God knows what in pictures, right? We get the pictures back and they are the most cock-eyed pictures. It's like, one of her eyes was directly above her nose. It's like a camera falling down the stairs. Like, it's like someone had dropped the wedding camera down the stairs and we happened to catch some faces in one. And a cat. And there's no background. No background.

And any of it just faces in a cat. I think it's actually in my pocket. Say a break? Yeah. All right, let me tell you what makes me, let me tell you what I love about Burning Man and what makes me rage about Burning Man. Okay, what I love, the art. Who doesn't love all the art, right?

You're going, there is a 747 parked in the middle of the desert that people have put work into, I don't know, restoring into some kind of weird techno museum and dropping it in the, you will never go, museum and dropping it in the you will never go you will never go 10 minutes without a free drop of liquor in your hand and everybody it's like a it's like mad Max meets tron out here the the length that people go to to have these beautiful costumes

just for your amusement just for your amusement it's like some sick kind of aristocracy where Cruella de Vil is Hitler and took over the world. And everybody is dressed in these psychotic accoutre mons going to worship sculptures of nothing. I don't even know. I don't even know what I love. You like New York flipped out.

New York City flipped out because they decked central park with orange curtains. Do you remember that? Do you are you old enough to remember that? This was a big deal. Cities, US cities go to enormous expense and lengths to put the dumbest art pieces up all over their cities. And at Burning Man, you can see them for free all day long. There are more than you can see. We're walking around on day six, and they are burning sculptures and art pieces

that we have not had an opportunity to see. That is, if you cannot be so cynical as to discount the artistry at this event, flatbed trucks that have been turned into yachts, you will not go on to a yacht, a real yacht. Let alone one that's driving around in the desert. It's just impressive. You will not see that anywhere else. That's what I love about it.

What makes me rage about Burning Man? Playa names. Playa names. Everybody, it is the stupidest summer campus tradition where everybody... Oh, it's horseshit. No one does it anymore. Do they not really?

So everybody comes here, makes a big deal about getting their fake name, like their little, their playa name, because the area of Burning Man is called the playa. Well, it stems from this whole idea of people wanting to be anonymous. Right. So early on, you come to Burning Man and you say,

oh, my name's Zebra, because he didn't want people back home knowing that whatever you like. Yeah, and somehow you are a Zebra also. Something like if your play a name always has something to do, some sick narcissistic push, some advertisement. It's everybody always advertising

about what they want you to think they are. Like, oh, what's my plan name? Big cock that I'd like to stuff in you. What's my plan name? Nice, is Swedish guy in the world. Like, get it. What's my plan name? Gonna blow it every time.

So like, what are you trying? What are you trying to tell me? Listen to them. You don't need to cram your personality down my throat. Like it's your picture of your toddler. All right? Then, then, then what makes me hate it even more is it's so easy to remember everyone's dumb name. In the real world, I go to the real world, I mean a Jeff, I'll say Jeff, nice to meet you, but there's no fucking chance.

I'm gonna remember that name ever. I know too many Jeff's I'm on Jeff overload I've met 10 million Jeff's to my life. No fucking way. I'm gonna remember your name But moon dust star beam captain queermo. I'll remember that for the rest of my life I'll see that guy when I'm 80 years old and I'll say captain queermo is that you? Yeah, I remember you from burning man What do you know and it works the system works as much as I hate the fucking system, the system works. That's what makes me so angry about it. So what's your plan name, Dick? Community bike.

Oh fuck me. Cause everyone rides it. Everyone rides it. Yeah I get it. Don't worry, that was a long fucking ride. Okay. God damn right. Second thing, second thing I love about burning

man, the food, the food you eat here. It's better to just the food you do anywhere else. Like a world fucking fair, but with like minority groups, it tastes. That's a world. It tastes like real food. It's like, it's like seeing a color. It's like the way Dante describes seeing colors in heaven that these colors, it says in Dante's in Ferno, Paradecio, that the colors he sees in heaven make the colors on earth look like dog shit. And that's what the food tastes like out here because you are so removed from everything. You are so removed from convenience, from any modern contrivance. Paper towels, from knives, from the clean hands, from a fingernails that aren't strong enough

to peel the skin off of that pair. You know, when you remove regular shit, when you remove the ease, how remove the ease. Yeah, how long have you been awake? How long have you been up? Oh, let me give let me give everybody a second to guests on their own I'll the I'm gonna give all the listeners a second to guess how long you've been awake because this was a This was a late-night decision to do the wedding and even a burning man It is not easy to throw a wedding together. Am I right? Did you get rings?

Oh, we got a couple of pendants. Yeah, we got pendants. Okay. Not as good as rings, I guess. And then we also got a camp of people to bring out fresh baked bread. Oh, you do have rings. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah.

Thought of work went into it. You're your own wedding plan. Yeah, we ran around, we had a guy who drove us out there, of course, and then I, you know, I, I bamboozled you into playing some piano tunes. Hey, anytime. So you're running on very, very little sleep and a lot of dietary supplements.

Dietary supplements. We call them that. I'm not afraid to say hard drugs. Okay. So, what was I saying? Oh, that's my words. I'm just saying? Oh, not my words. I'm just saying those are words I could use. The food here tastes like you have never tasted the food in your life.

And it's all people who have brought, they're so good at cooking and confident in their ability to do so. And their desire to do so is so great that they have brought sometimes ten pounds of Korean barbecue out into the middle of the desert. They brought homemade kimchi or fifteen tamales for two people. I'm not eating seven tamales tonight with a fucking world do I live in? The whole event is a grotesque orgy for your senses. It's the entire event is an orgy dome but for all five of your senses, your mouth sense, your eyeball sense, your listening sense, your

sense, your skin sense, all these senses it wants, that the food, the food, the food is amazing. What makes me rage about it? I'll fuck these guys. Every... Every event. Did you even see today? Hold on, hold on. Every event has its marks. If you put a badge on someone, the second you give anybody any kind of authority, 9 and 10 of those people will turn into a total asshole, raging.

That is a real thing. That is a real, you take, if you took all the, if you took all the uniforms off every totalitarian army in the world, dictatorship, history, you'd have a bunch of nice people. But the fucking second, you put a badge on them. They turn into the biggest pricks in the whole fucking world. My man and I got got into an altercation at DPW.

Yeah, DPW, they call themselves the black hole. We get it. They put together. They're never going to get a job. They spend two months, six weeks out here putting together the entire event, blocking off the clock space, putting, putting, yeah, putting, putting the road, putting, putting the roads in. Basically what, taking a string and drawing a giant clock face and then, and building

the man and, and these sorts of things, when you go to, when you go to an event that brags about being radically self-reliant, infrastructure is the last thing that people should be touting as an accomplishment. Yet this crew, this crew who essentially builds and runs Burning Man are some of the most arrogant, egotistical maniacs I have ever encountered in my life and I will fight half of bouncers for this reason. They are bound. I almost got in a fight today

because some young ladies, friends of ours, they were on stilts and they were pouring champagne into people's mouths. They were walking around. Celebrate your wedding. Celebrate my wedding. Yeah. Everyone's having a good time.

So the ladies, they got tired of wearing stilts because stilts are fucking hard. Yeah. You know, you stop around the desert for in a hundred degree heat with stilts on Tell me how your fucking legs feel Mm-hmm, so they decide to take a break and they want to kick their boots and he and stilts off Yeah, and they sit down in front of this fucking DB dude, but do you do do par DPW bar. Yeah, keep it

uh and The immediately the guy walks out and he says, hey, uh fucking get out get out of here. Fuck you guys Yeah, they pride themselves here, fuck you guys. Yeah, they pride themselves on that fuck you shit. And it's like, they're like 13 year old kids being angry at dead and I'm their dead. And we're all their dead. Society is all their dead.

And this is what they're doing with their lives. They're going and being miserable. They're going and priding themselves on their ability to tell everyone to fuck off, which is something that we've thought Forever, but the first night here We're sitting at a bar. Absolutely. And who comes up?

But one of the head Hunch, one of the one of the people who are in charge with trying to establish a little something that is called corporate culture But they would never say it that way because they're so anti-establishment who are in charge with trying to establish a little something that is called corporate culture, but they would never say it that way because they're so anti-establishment. Oh, yeah. Of course, right. And she's telling us about this problem they're having, where all of their employees, but they're not called employees, I'm sure, are behaving like complete assholes and embarrassing

the firm, except I'm sure they don't call it the firm. So a firm because it's just a collective of autonomous individuals but they're having the damnedest time trying to convince these people not to act like complete assholes to all of us who are paying big money and spending tremendous amounts of capital to make this thing enjoyable roads roads do not make a festival enjoyable. They never have. No.

Shitters don't even, they might make them worse, but they're not gonna make them better. I'll shit in a bucket. That's what makes me. Exactly. That's what makes me a rage about it. What I love about it. Drinking outside.

Oh. Riding bikes, man. That's right. You've got that fucking gunslinger. Beer can't hold hold from 20 meters away You're just your your shoulders are slouch back you got that beer held down I don't know you look like a fucking comic book hero you look your about this fucking start slinging beers left and right I feel like one beer man. I'm shooting like you look back the way you hold beers looks badass to hold an appear out here feels bad as y'all

I'm gonna drink and dumb blind. All right. Let's do that holding a beer While you're holding a beer out here makes every bike community or not feel like a lazy boy recliner Yeah, you are sick you you hold it. We do that three fingered alien independent stay grab of the beer and you can lean, you can lean all the way back until your head's dragging on the ground. There is nothing, nothing like drinking outside while you're riding your bicycle. And it doesn't matter. You can be, well, that's fair. Can you not ride it?

My wife, we're going to hammer on that a couple of times, I guess. Just pointed out that once I get good and sloshed, yeah, Ryan Bikes doesn't work for me so much. You can't drink while riding a bike? I know, I can't. I can't, I spill a lot. If it's in a can, it's fine, but I don't, my, you know what? I don't tell you about how I'm not any good, super cool stuff.

And here's what, here's something else we discovered out here. Here's what always makes me a ragebar. Furries furries the sexual degenerates the sexual degenerate subculture of furries. They're going to if they were so motivated, they could run the entire world because their camp setup is fantastic phenomenal. It's a lot of perfect the palette the cut the cut the design is perfect. There's no waste space most comfortable looking of course nobody is in it. We went in we were walking down the street my man and I a couple of people walking down the street just looking for somewhere to hang out and we had one of those. Hey you you want to check out the furry club. I don't know who said it but then it was one of those, hey, you wanna check out the furry club?

I don't know who said it, but then it was one of those writing tides of, eh? I guess we'll do it. Eh, eh, eh. Did you stop? No one stopped us, everyone was like, oh, well, I guess we're going to the furry club.

You and your way right into something that everyone really wants to do, and we all give each other the benefit of the doubt. They're like, okay, no one has to admit this right we're we're all everyone's wide eyed and peeping into the furry club like little children looking down at Santa Claus on Christmas morning wondering because we all want to know what they're doing in there are saying I want a fuck up giraffe or half-manjury no no I don't know. Maybe we do, maybe we do.

Fuck then, I'll fuck ten man giraffes. I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, we wanna see what's going on. You get this, it's a peak. We get, we peak in the door and these furries have televisions suspended like chandeliers. They have accomplishments.

They have engineering accomplishments in there that would take an army of non-ferries to put together. We've barely got Walmart chairs assembled under our tent. They're falling apart. You say fairly like the word assembled is part of the deal here. We've got all of them. We haven't followed them. And it doesn't work.

And yet the furries, the furries have changed. The furries have done something I wanted to do in my home since I was 12 which is to spend a television so I can watch it while I'm lying on my back and they've got it they've got in the middle of desert and meanwhile we're being dicks to the furry furries for some for some reason I don't know why I don't know why everyone has such content for the furries but it was so good. It was happy Maybe it's because they're happy it was so fucking pissed off because someone's happy Yeah, you want to dress up like an otter and finger bang a fucking real finger Kerylla with an amoeba for a head do you know?

What am I mad at you? Why am I mad? Why am I agonizing over what shoes I'm gonna wear what shirt I'm gonna wear this guy this is a there's they got a purple fox with a horse body who's watching TV on his back in the most comfortable chair in the world. Fuckin' sign me up! Six thousand miles away from civilization! Mmm, thousand miles away from civilization! Uh, okay, one, I got one last thing. It's the greatest, the greatest pickup line in the world.

Oh. That was, that was told to us. We have to be, I mean, this, you have to be very clear about this. What do you mean? Why? Because I think there's a, there's a couple of ways that this pickup line could drift off. You know, there's a mastery. Oh, there's, yeah, there's, well, there's definitely a mastery.

So go and tell story. So you're, well, your brother is here. And we've been, we've been on overdrive. Yes. Trying to get him laid all week because I, as everyone knows I'm America's wingman. And it's more, it's more satisfying. I'll be honest, it's more satisfying to get someone else laid than for me to get laid. I believe that I think, I think that's true for everybody because you don't have to deal with the fallout.

You only get the rising tide. You only get the positive stuff. You only get the chase. It's like cheating except you're not cheating. You're just, it's a vicarious, it's a loophole. It's a loophole and it's a loophole. I see what he did. You do all the advice. You get to see your plans.

My wife's right here, but as long as I hook my brother up with someone else, it'll work. Exactly. That's not you doing it. I didn't do anything. here, but as long as I hook my brother up with someone else, it doesn't really. Exactly. That's not you doing at me. I didn't do anything. Because there's the plausible deniability that you know he will completely fuck it up, which he has been doing all week, because we've been giving him gold. And here's the line. We all know the line. We all know the what's your dad, like, line. Great line.

Problem is, worked on my wife. It did it really? Yeah. Oh yeah, no, yeah. You wanna ask her right now? She's shaking her head, I'm asking her. I don't need that. Ask her dad's like,

well yeah, but did you use it? That's the, well I didn't have to. It worked. Okay, so here's the line. Everybody knows what's your dad's like, line. But the problem with that line is, you gotta already be talking to someone to use it. You already have to have the line of dialogue open,

and that's the most impossible part. And you have to feel fairly comfortable that they haven't gone through like a weird, anti-dad situation recently. No, I disagree with that. I think that what you want, you want, you like, if it's closer to tragedy, you're good to go is what you're saying.

I think if it's an extreme either way, the last thing you want is like, no, it's fine. You got it right. Because then you got nothing to work with. I can work with, I can work either way. They're this. They're retiring next to your home.

They're the same to me. I can work either way. That's what you're saying. But what you need is an opener to match the what's your dad like line. You can't open with what's your dad's like. No, because then you see my floor. It's fucking weird. Like, what's you? And I think a lot of your fans have pointed that like, the line doesn't work. Yeah, because you're just asking a stranger what their dad is like. Yeah, that's not that's

not how human being is. What's your dad like? Yeah, of course, that's like going to work you fucking lunatic because she doesn't know you. So here is the line. And it was told to us by a man who, here's what else I love about Burning Man. And with all the hippies and the degenerates and the women who haven't shaved,

there is also like real men who are regular guys who just own Construction companies, proper construction companies and like workers metal working. They're real real men Calis, Taylor, and the Gloves Trump supporters. Of course I'm talking about real men real men of burning men and real real women too I assume And only one way to find out. We're hanging out at this bar with one with a real live version of the cartoon Texan from The Simpsons.

And he says, guys, I got the best line in the world for you. Listen to me. It's very easy. Let me clue you in. All men know about three things. If you're a man, you get into your 50s, 60s, and you know three things you win. You won. If you figured out three things. If you, if you're, you're a man, you get into your 50s, 60s, and you know three things you win. You won. You, if you figured out three things, you're ahead of the game. You will think you figured out many more. Most of them are wrong. Completely

wrong. That's why, that's why everyone hates you. That's when I'm, that's when the other man chimed in. And he was like, he's right. You're wrong. And when he was telling us that the man we were, the Texan man that we were talking to was right. Another man chimed in. He's like, yeah, there's only the three things. He co-signed. He co-signed to this thing. So now we got two men's. One out of their three. They're telling us, this is the line. He goes, guys, all you got to do, the only line you will ever need is you ask a woman about her shoes. Bing, you'd hear a pin drop.

You could. It was I, my face, my face lit up like the happiest emoji of multi-faceted gyms that just exploded out of your eyes. It was like that emoji with the smiley face in the gun, except without the gun. It was just a big smiley face. I cannot believe this was right in front of my face. From the mold into the Aladdin's cave of wonders. Yes, it was Aladdin's cave of wonders opening up before us at the library of Alexander

Reddah opening up before us. The Jennifer Lawrence's tits hack or the zip file opening up before my eyes so I could so I could feast upon this glorious this glorious bounty in front of us. I saw I saw in that moment two trees of my future one before me not knowing this advice of asking women about their shoes dying off and shriveling up and being this miserable mess full of unreach potential. And then I saw the future as it was going to be me empowered by this line of asking women about their shoes. And I saw it soaring soaring into the eyes empowered

by K.O. Semmerlitz and gasoline soaring into the stratosphere and exploding into an angelic sunrise. Well, yes, I was saying the line is so powerful. The duh. I used it on my wife. Okay. After she was my wife. You're getting a lot of weird looks and you're my. So the, because, because, because. Brutantica. that because what else do women agonize over more than the shoes they're going to wear? That is not sexist. That is not sexist. That's not sexist because women love their shoes. And we love and we love how many times have you been late? Have you been sitting in your apartment or her apartment? And she's got three sets of shoes that all look interchangeable to you. But she's changing her apartment. And we'll say 3600 times. 36 every single time you go out, should I wear these shoes or these

shoes? Why the fuck would you ask me? I have no idea. That is, I am not looking below the waist. That's why a job is not, that's why it's a pillowcase and not an entire tied-off sack because we don't give a fuck what you look like below the heel. I don't care what kind of shoes got, but every single time,

that's what they're focusing on, is the shoes. They're bringing backup shoes. I'm bringing, I'm gonna bring these sandals and just in case I want to throw these flats on when we get to the event I'm gonna put these in the trunk so I can slip into the it's it is it is them they they're agonize they there is nothing that a man if you could have you had an interchangeable penis and you were swapping penises out. That is the same exact that is the same agony we would be going through if that were real. So I tried it as soon as the as soon as the real life Texas man told us that line.

I have been trying it all week and women have been lighting up like Christmas trees. I mean, they could be, it's been like a, let's been like a Japanese sword fight anime. Well, walk, I'll be, I'll say, I'll spit some, like, hey, how you doing? Hey, what's going on? Hey, hey, do those legs go all the way up? Whoa, whoa, whoa, look at those ribs, baby.

I love those ribs. I see all them ribs. I love the hair, I love your hair. I love your eyes. Look at your cheekbones. Oh my God, you look amazing. You look amazing. You look amazing. Go to the hospital. You emaciated. You look as things engaging.

Go to the hospital, you're a genius. I bet you're a genius in your work hard and you're smarter than all your friends and you're prettier than your sister. Nothing, I'm shouting this at women as they're walking by me. They're 500 yards down the path and I'm blowing everything I got out of.

I turn around, I turn around and face the opposite direction and I whisper under my breath. By the way, I love your shoes. And they will turn around, I'll turn around like a horror movie and they'll be standing right there with laser beams shooting into my eyes going, what did you, do you really like my shoes? Literally.

What do you think about the 11 girls standing in a semi-circle around you asking what? A rapid fire spinning in a circle. Which shoes and they're always really worried about whether or not as their booze and they're competing. So that's that's the line. That's those are those are two you you load those pistols up when you go out one in the right hand one for the one in the left hand you'd be like doc holiday out there. All right. Tell me it doesn't work for if you tell me it doesn't work for you you fuck that up. That's on you. That's the warranty. If you work for you, play your dick. Obviously no one else. I'm afraid to ask. I usually ask everybody what makes them a rage all my co-hosts, but I'm actually afraid to ask you. I see what kind of state you're in.

Oh, well, we all know what it's going to be. What is it? God fucking damn cucumbers. Okay. I hate cucumbers more than anything in this world. Okay. I would rather the devil rape me with his razor sharp dick. For eternity than taste the sip of one cucumber. The sip of a cucumber water? Yeah. Yeah. Right? Any food that has to be bathed in acid for six weeks to be a food isn't food. It's a cartoon villain. That's true. Right. It is the worst fucking flavor that has ever existed. It doesn't taste like anything though. Oh, well, now you're one of these guys. That's a cucumber defendant. Does it just taste like water? No, it tastes like 10 asses were stitched together, sewn in an ass field, raised to maturity, and then half harvested. Half harvested. So the ass is still on the blades.

Yeah, I know I can. Are you serious, though? I am so serious. And the reason it makes me such a rage, is it's fucking cucumbers. Like whatever, I don't give a shit eat a vegetable. Do you enjoy your goddamn weekend? The reason it makes me rage is everyone, including yourself right now.

I love cucumbers. They don't taste like anything. They don't have a flavor. And you're always trying to sneak them into my goddamn waters. Yeah, trying to sneak them into my fucking salads. Like I'm suddenly gonna be green eggs and ham, Sam, I am over here. That's not how fucking works, all right?

I don't like it. Quit trying to shove it in my food every goddamn day. I go out and water salads, fucking condoms. I swear to God, I had a cucumber player who caught them the other day. Jamie, an immediate thing you had. I swear to God, I had a cucumber player with condoms the other day. Jamie in a median, what do you mean you had? Why did you take that? I had as in, I could smell the cucumber.

Okay, I see. I didn't have sex with her in six weeks. I don't believe you. No, all right, that part was lying. But it would be true. Because I'd rather be punched in the head. Yeah, but you can't have pickles without cucumbers. Yeah, you got us, like I said, you got to soak that shit in acid for weeks.

Yeah. Like I said, like what's his name from a who frame Roger Red? Yeah, Judge Doom. Yeah. That's the only way you could turn him into if it's something good, he's got a dump in my heart, I asked him for all long time. Turpentine. Yeah.

So everyone's like, yeah, the cucumber, Steve? No, shit. Okay stop wasting a maris the fertile farmland on it. Cue Converse. Cue fucking cumbersome fucking Sermon. All right. Well, you had a good burn. Clearly. All right. Yeah Don't judge me. I'm judging you. I think you had a good time. I got married. Congratulations. Yeah. It's a real marriage. We're gonna go do the...

Are you going to the courthouse? We're gonna do the courthouse thing. Okay. And California is on the way back. You got a time limit on that. You actually put time limit on that because I would try to delay that forever. Oh no, she's asking if I have any financial assets.

No, babe, not. All right if I have any financial assets. No, but not. All right, I almost had some questions from Dustin, but I couldn't download them. So I'm going to have Sean try to butcher this into a listenable podcast. He's really going to earn his keep on the butcher. Well, he's going to butcher it. Should we just go over a few more things anyways? What else makes you right? I don't know.

Do we already talk about people not being able to fall simple tasks? just go over a few more things anyways. What else makes you, right? I don't know. I don't know. Do we already talk about people not being able to follow simple tasks? I think so. Do we cover that? Yeah. I mean, can I see your list? Go ahead.

I think I got to everything on it. You shun, edit this out. And if you don't, you still look like a dick. It's the true. You can't just leave things. Yeah. And like that. Oh my God.

I heard on the way up here, my worst nightmare, Bill Burr was talking about me on his podcast, which I couldn't, it was the second we got to the dead zone. I couldn't listen to any of it. I haven't been able to listen to it all week. It's driving me insane because I've terrified that he's saying mean things about me on the internet. That's my worst fear is a modern man is that other grown men are saying comedian. Hey, hey, listen, he's got a huge pot. What are you starting beef with Bill Burr? I don't even know what he said. I he's great. He's people I know who are better than Bill Burr. Dick Masterson. Well, I died disagree. I disagree. His big master's in bill, and the Mark Marin,

those guys can go eat shit. I'm on that list. No. Yeah, I think I was on that list. Those guys can eat shit. Oh, those are the two guys. You were at the top of the list. That's the other two guys can eat shit.

My list goes Karola Burr Bundy. Bundy the murderer or Bundy the famous shoe salesman. Al Bundi. Al Bundi. Not the murderer. So now I gotta go back and listen to what he's saying about me. Now, don't do it. I have to. I'll talk about it next week. Thank you, my man. Thanks for being on the show. Thank you. Thanks for cramming it in on the night where we burned the man. The night where we burned the man.

And you've had a busy day. And I gotta tear down all the shit tomorrow because someone's leaving early. the night where we burn the man. The night where we burn the man. And you've had a busy day. And I got to tear down all the shit tomorrow because someone's leaving early. Hey, sorry about that. No worries, no worries. Three of you are one of my three apologies in one episode.

No, I'm sorry. You said eight. I'm looking for the other five. Yeah, did I say eight? Yeah. Did I? There's a lot of apologies. I swear you said eight.

If I think of them, I'll apologize next week. They mean nothing to me. This is the Dixho, check out thedixho.com, pagerun.com slash the Dixho. See you next Tuesday. I'll fuck you shone. Where's that thing? Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Check it out! Check it out! Check it out! Check it out! Check it out! Open it! Check it out! Check it out! Ready!! you