The Dick Show - Episode 148 - Dick on Short Straws

Episode Date: April 2, 2019

Advent calendars of failure, corporate April Fools' Day jokes, too short straws, Article 13 passes, Paul McCartney vs. Michael Jackson, house centipedes, a furry reads the news, eyeball soap, the secret lives of married thots, messaging women in mass quantities, more swinging done incorrectly, and the greatest man in the world pub sing along; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

All right, all right, somebody cleared up the penis issue. What? Somebody cleared up Michael Jackson's penis issue. What the hell? Oh, did I read about that? I think you went around. I think I went around. Michael Jackson's penis issue.

I think I did. Everything you were saying seems right. Yeah, it's right. Yeah. And it seems fucked, doesn't it? Completely fucked. They ruined the, they ruined the music. Because it's a weird guy.

Yeah. Hey, welcome to the day. You want's a weird guy. Yeah! Yeah! Welcome to the day you want to get into, you need to get out of this session. How? Everything's a contest. Somebody live from a mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure. I'm your host Dick Masterson, aka the $20 million man, recently voted America's best Mexican 30 weeks running.

Including the bonus episode. No, this is 29 weeks running for you. Yeah. With me is always his LA based comedian Sean, the audio engineer. No, this is 29 weeks running for. Yeah, with me is always L.A. based comedian, Sean, the audio engineer. Hello, dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? How you doing? Good.

I'm happy about that bonus episode that's coming up what tomorrow? Today, so I'm like, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, it's good. Very fun, very fun stuff. Let's see here. What do I have in the taking care of business section of the notes?

I've got a funny post from Jess. I don't know. Let me put that up on the screen so you could see that. Oh, I love her posts. Always a laugh riot. Yeah. The ranting of a woman who belongs to Jail. One of the many women loose in the wild who belongs in jail, where all the bad men are, here's a post from mental Jess on her, footing it out on blast, on her Instagram, knowing that everyone will see it. God, I hate the different fucking weights of the, the, the Jessica Blum. The best thing I did at the beginning of this year is delete my ex from social media.

Women are objects to him and I will not support a predator who messages women in mass should be on mass. You stupid hoe. In mass quantities. Oh, maybe she's right. In mass quantities to live out multiple lies. It is empty. It is shallow, it is heartless. Ha ha ha ha. I think so much pleasure in their breakup. I mean, but, wasn't, that was completely called by you and a number of other people.

It's like, yeah, that's exactly who he is. Yeah, it's who he is. Massaging, mask, mask quantities of women, a predator who messages women and mask quantities. I love that she called him that because he's got to lose his shit at being likened to a predator. A predator who messages women and mass quantities. There you go. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr He's got a great time, for efficiency. He's always into being efficient. Maddox has his feet propped up,

his hands on two keyboards, a piece, messaging women and mass quantities. No wonder he was always so afraid of me turning off our women viewers. He's just hitting It is shallow. It is heartless. Everybody welcome to the Dix show. A predator.

A glad you're a predator. A predator. Okay, here's what makes you a remedy. That's quantities. We'll see you in, we'll see you in Australia. Objects to him. Objects. Objects are like women in here. I'm in such a good mood. Mes. Objects are like women.

I'm such a good mood. Me too. I really am. I'm still charged up from Dodger Stadium. I'm still, and I didn't even get through half of my problems with Dodger State. Do you know what the world is? This is what, this is what the world really is.

It's an advent calendar of shit. Where every day, you remember what an advent really is. It's an advent calendar of shit, where every day, you remember what an advent calendar is? I don't, I'm not, no. It's a countdown to Christmas time. It's a, oh, with the chocolates and shit. Yeah. It's a chocolates and shit.

It's 25 days. I thought that was cool when I was six. Me too. No, motherfucker, my, the little Irishman had an advent calendar of Legos. Oh. Oh, every day he opens up, there's a new Legos shit in every one ice. I watched him do it in like a piece.

Like a biggest calendar. It's little like there's maybe a figurine in one day or there's like a little helicopter or a little motorcycle in one day. I was watching him up and like, mother, you motherfucker. This is yet another thing that I am envious of you for an advent calendar. This generation. Like those fuck you man.

It's an ad, our life, for those of you who don't know what an advent calendar is, it's a countdown to Christmas, you got 25 days, 25 old doors, you open the door, you got a little goody inside. To quell your thirst for free presence and shit over until the actual holiday. It's an advent calendar from, to keep you

from converting to Judaism. Yeah. So you can present earlier. Right. Is there going to lure you in? Like a Jews pull up with their Hanukkah wagon. Oh, hey, what do we've got seven days of presence over here? Eight.

Eight days of, is it eight days of presence? Yeah, no, but the last day you get the shaft, I think. I don't know. I think the last day you got a problem. I learned everything about mom and dad back if you know what I'm talking about. Oh, is it tell us that mean? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. You gotta sit through a lot of shit as a nice Jewish kid though. I don't know. Did you ever go to synagogue when you were a lot of shit as a bunch. That's eight nights. I don't know. Did you ever go to synagogue when you were a little kid? Like if you had a Jewish friend, so you went to synagogue or their bar mitzvah and stuff, you gotta sit down.

Oh man, talk about boomers running the show. You sit down in a synagogue for one of their things, for a half hour, I'm done. I don't care what the Jews run. I gotta sit through this thing for three, four hours every week. No, thank you. I'll dress up.

No, thank you. I'll go back to church. You guys take the media. I need my Saturday morning, my Sunday mornings. Okay? Have fun. Have fun in here. Not for me, pass.

Yeah. An Advent calendar, it's 25 days countdown. So you're being Catholic worse? You know, it's just an hour, 45 minutes. So a lot of kneeling and sitting and standing. That keeps you blood going. Does it? Yeah, the kneeling and the standing is good.

It breaks it up. So just, yeah, Catholic service is just an hour. It's like a, a Catholic mass. I swear, Catholic funerals are longer. No, seems like they're the same thing. The guy gets up, I guess maybe it depends who is speaking. They know, they know they got you in the door because of the corpse that you're there to see.

And then so they try to drill you, they try to rope you in. Funerals for the Catholics are a loss leader. They get you in there, they get you in the door, they know they got noobs in there. So they try to rope you in, they try to get real silly and win a, win a meal, win to stand, what to say, what the, I mean, I just filed everybody else

and then just mowled the long. Well, they keep it going, they keep the change going so you don't get too bored. You're thinking about what else you could be doing. Right. It's like a curves, the Catholic church is a lot like a curves gym for women. They just want to keep you moving.

It doesn't matter if you're doing anything with your time there, you're not. They just want to keep you moving so you don't get bored and realize that you can stop coming at any time and you're not getting anything out of this. Okay. Okay. Advent calendar of shit.

Once you grow up, that Advent calendar of chocolate and Legos, turns into an Advent calendar of shit where every day you open it up and see what new thing has been ruined today. What new thing has been ruined by the parents you'd no longer need which is society What they've ruined for you today. Oh, okay. Oh, thanks

10 million moms and dads that I don't need don't want the opinions of and only want to rub their face in the health care system That they created and now do not benefit from. What have you ruined for me today? What did you ruin for me today? I'm at the Dodger game. Going through the self-service kiosk, which you would think would be order what you want and then it comes out of some kind of magical tube or a generator. No, no, no. It means you order what you want, you get a printout or receipt of what you ordered,

and then you join a mob of flab and try to climb over what is effectively human quicksand with the Latin X, what is Mexican for X? Equis? Yeah, Equis. The Latin Equis mob of people waiting at the pickup order because the system is inevitably down. The system is down, fighting like you're buying,

like you're buying pork belly stock, throwing a receipt in to get one, watching a little Tumblrina do like the Fantasia hip-boat ballerina dance. You remember that one with the crocodile with two hot dogs in each hand waddling her way out for just for a diet fucking soda. Right? Just to get one diet soda. We're in the wrong place for diet soda. Yeah. They brought me the coke. No diet. Yeah. Extra sugar. Yeah. Wrong diet. You want? Yeah, I'm diet.

You want me to blend up a hot dog or something in this? Stick it in there. Yeah. Extra wide straw. This is weird. Where's your rascal? Just give me the diet, so to believe. Give it to me.

You must be lost. Hand me a paper straw. Oh my God. I finally experienced a paper straw. They are. If everybody who told me that it wasn't a big deal when I, when I first started bitching about it, fuck you because they have completely taken over.

I, I, I finally experienced one. It was bullshit. How long did it last? Half a drink. Before I disintegrated in your mouth. It was, before I feels like you're making out with the straw, because it's the same temperature. It starts getting slick. It was before it feels like you're making out with the straw. It's the same temperature. It's getting slick. It starts getting slick. It makes you feel like you're sucking a penguin

cock. It's bullshit. It's complete bullshit. They've gone too far. So I say, oh, wonderful. I remember, I remember opening up my event calendar last year and seeing the straw. But I would no longer be able to enjoy the straw. I take my paper straw, put it in my drink, take a sip, let it go, and the straw disappears into the soda, too short, too short of a straw. Too short of a straw. Gone. You were too short of a straw. Straws completely gone.

Yeah. Great. Now you got to fish that fucker out of there. Now I've got to either dip my crummy fingers in to my own soda, so I'm drinking myself with this gross peanutty sweat that I've collected over my disgusting nails. After you've ridden in a disgusting scoot.

Scoot, yeah. So you're like licking like a hundred other people's fingers. Or, oh, God, that's true. Yeah. Or, or I, or I try to drink it and have the straw stab me in my tonsils over and over for the one for the one second that I'm not trying to suck, suck it through my teeth like a baline whale to try to stop the straw filtering it through my fucking mouth. All of it because of these boneheads can't get a straw that is longer than the cup.

A six in straw is good for nobody. Yeah. Nobody. Yeah, how do you get down to the bottom? And meanwhile, the thing is dissolving. Meanwhile, it's dissolving by the second. Yeah. Total catastrophe.

I've got the, I've got the twins from Nothing to Lose, fighting over chopped up onions. Remember that movie with Zana Acroid? No, nothing to lose, no. Nothing to lose, hold on, let me pull this. Ladies, let me pull up this reference. So one of us underrated, ladies movies. It's not underrated, it's terrible, but shockingly terrible.

I think it's called Nothing to Lose. Nothing but trouble. Excuse me. I remember the title. Nothing but trouble. Twins. There they are. Nothing but trouble. I'm fighting with these people over chopped onions and ketchup. Yeah. With one request that I'm able to suck the soda that I'm addicted to throw a straw of adequate size. Totally impossible.

Not to mean the prices. I don't even fucking care about the prices. Okay, $10,000 for a straw that breaks the rim of the glass. If you have, if you're selling straws that don't clear the cusp of your glass at your establishment, get fire insurance because the shit's getting burned down. I don't care if it's made out of concrete. I'll thermite blast that hole next opening day. A big cargo plane's gonna fly over and rain thermite down on the whole thing.

And it'll say, it'll say, buy longer straws, two inches. So I could enjoy a fucking beverage. Not that much to ask. I mean, seven elevens. Seven elevens, I wonder how much recycled paper it saves you. Seven elevens, three-foot straws. Yeah.

You could drink a slurpee on the floor of your car with a straw at 7.11 Three feet fucking long like a like a super pixie stick. Yep If ever if ever you should get a straw that's shorter than the cup that falls into the cup Just throw whatever you got left. It's not your fault. It's a defective drink. This beverage is defective. Get it away from me! It may as well not be a beverage. May as well just be a projectile. Yes. They've given you a projectile. It's their fault. Okay, you know what else? Man, fuck house centipedes. Oh yeah. They look like fucking eyebrows that the fucking or anchovy fillets

that they're looking like eyebrows. Yeah. Those things. And they're fast. Uh, fuck all insects that only eat other insects. And every time I hate an insect and I bring it up, some dumb motherfucker, oh, they take care of other things.

That's why we have poison. Everything, shit brain. No, everything dies in my house. Everything. Yeah. It was not bad. And it's not catching my car outside. Yeah, no, you're dead.

Gone, yeah, gone, gone, totally gone. Those eyebrows. Yeah, running around. I hate those things. I was watching TV. I was watching Future Mama silverfish. No silverfish are bad, but those house centipedes with those crazy wiggling legs going it. They run at 30 40 miles an hour. Must be I haven't clocked one, but they are too fucking fast. They're fast. They're fast. Oh, yeah, they got a tie.

80s girls asleep next to me, and I know, I know, I'm afraid of the house centipedes. I don't want to wake her. Like, that is, the last thing I want to do is take somebody from twilight to centip house centipede and wake alertness levels, because their ass is never going back to sleep. And if she doesn't go back to sleep,

she might skip Pilates in the morning, and we can't have that. That's my guy. Amazing how you have that presence of mind in that moment. I mean, you really know your priorities. Yeah, your priorities are, well, they're just ingrained. Yeah, they're like muscle memory at this point.

I don't got to think about this. Those, those, those synapses, I mean, those are my skip Pilates in the morning. I got to fix this immediately. Those neuropath ways are thoroughfares like that. And there is never any traffic. It is reserved only for those kind of thoughts. Guys, we got a situation. We got a girl at the gym situation. I need help on this one. Okay. Okay. Everybody shut up. Shut up. Turn the game down. Yeah. Everybody shut up. I'm creeping out of bed like an assassin. Yeah, trying to kill this thing. God, I hate them, they're terrifying.

Okay, okay, let's be serious. Amazing how something so small can just fucking, where'd you out? I hate God, I hate those fucking things. I hate those things, I fucking hate spiders. Spiders are bad, I'll take, I'll bathe in spiders to get rid of the house centipedes. Those wiggly eyelash like it looking mother fuckers. Yeah, I don't know what it is like and I feel it wrong.

I know who's boss, but you know, I don't like the fucking. I don't know that I know that I know who's boss. Oh, they're gonna die. Spiders are not that fast. No, they're I don't I know what their deal is. I tend to get bit fairly often. And I always think, cause I wake up with, I always think, I always think there's spiders. Everybody's, oh, it's a spider bite. I just never questioned it. I don't know what the fuck they are.

Did you know the average person eats 80,000 spiders a year? Yeah, that's what I hear actually. I heard that estimate was low. Yeah, I know, it's always like, oops. Uh, spill, Sean's spill. No, it's empty. But the cap on. Fucking apostrophe was spilled.

That cocksucker's glitter launch was epic. Yeah, everyone said they had a lot of fun out of that. I played the video for my dad. If you, at Patreon.com slash the Dix show, the video of every episode, I think that's like two hours and 27 minutes you can watch a apostrophe. Cock sucker launch, launch his 32 ounces of glitter across the

studio. Yeah. He said afterwards that if you're, if you're listening to that or watching that episode, you can see me move his glitter cup a couple times. Yeah. Cause I have this alcoholic, yeah. Preservation pathway, neurological pathway in my mind where if I see it, train yourself, I'll just move it away from the edge. I won't even think about it. So the whole time I'm moving it over and a posture of us told me afterwards that he was moving it back. Yeah, because he didn't position. He knew what he was doing. Which is remarkable. Yeah, I know. It's like Buster Keaton level physical comedy. Yeah, because I took that entire cup of glitter

because I took that entire cup of glitter to my chest and face and body. Yeah, I still feel it. We're all speechless. We're all speechless. Yeah, we were. Oh God, it's tax. This episode is before, this episode is before my now two least favorite hobbies.

All right, least favorite days. Tax day, I believe will be the week after this one, which they should just rename to tickle day or rape day. And April Fools Day, which I now cannot stand. I don't know anybody who really like participates in it anymore. Who does participate in April Fools Day?

Parents. Every corporations PR team just jacks off in each other's faces for months preparing for their hilarious April Fools Day. Exhibit. Oh, look what we're adding to our, it is, it is boomer humor online, right? I mean, I guess so. Yeah, that's why, yeah, that's why it's the news though. Yeah, you're not affected by anything.

If they could find a way to print it on a house centipede and put it in your house, they would do that. It is corporate April Fools Day. It's so terrible. I feel like I'm going to turn, I'm like begging, begging for the jokes to stop halfway through the day. I just needed somebody, give me a drink before lays potato chips, tells me what they're gonna do with their fucking chips.

Before I get another alert of some fucking hilarious addition to my Gmail, some new button to send all my friends. Oh, Tinder has a high checker now. Oh, that's hilarious. Men are so short. Is there a fat checker on there? You condescending cunts running this campaign? God, it's not funny.

It's never been funny. Yeah. No, no company's joke has ever been funny. Fuck you for ruining one of the best holidays we've ever had April Fools Day. Fuck you. Now companies, companies, April Fools joke can never be funny because there's too many people involved and all the, all the sharp edges get knocked off a million times till it's just this fucking rounded, finely sanded, smooth, fucking, impotent, dildo.

Yeah. Rounded off as a constant reminder of the rounded off advent hell that we live in. Hell, you like jokes? Check out April Fool's. They, nerfed April Fools jokes. You open that event, that shit event calendar on April Fools day and it's an avalanche of unfunniness. Microsoft, Band-Aim. This year, Microsoft Band-Aim, no April Fools day jokes.

They had some clippy thing planned out and they killed it. And it's made me happier. Good. Then any, then I have been in a long time just, just seeing them say, that's a limit. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a saturated market. Yeah, I got one funny comedy. We're in the business of computers and software. Good. Not of making jokes. Good for Microsoft. It's as if every company in the world, I'm their waitress. I have to serve them their drinks and listen to their fucking pickup lines

until they place their goddamn order. Just, just place the order. I just wanna get to my Gmail today. I don't need time for your fucking jokes. Yeah. Am I getting paid for this? Am I getting paid to listen to this joke? Cause it feels like, it feels like,

you're wasting your time. Is there a counselor on hand after this hilarious April full-stay joke? Because I feel like I'm being raped by this awful cringe-worthy comedy. Fuck you. I really hate it, and I hate it more every year. It's a constant reminder of the soccer mom internet, of the soccer mom world that the

internet has become. Rounded at the edges, sanitized for your protection, nerfed, nerfed, nerfed to such a degree that we need an enigma coding machine just to use epithets, which was my idea after the bonus episode, I was really thinking about it. This is what we really need to get around the issue of homophobic and racial slurs, okay? This is priority one, huh? Yeah, okay.

I can't communicate without drinking your swearing, so, well, yeah, that's a disability. That's way more, do you think, what would you think will happen first? I could go through a day without swearing or cripple Jesus will get up and walk. Oh. Pff.

Oh, I don't know how long I could go without swearing, but I don't think it's 24 hours. I meet it. I need it. I need it. So this is my idea. Like the Germans had the Enigma coding machine. Yeah, remember? Or they throw out all these coding machines,

and then every day, they would send out a code for all the Germans to put in their Enigma machines, and then that would be the encryption code for the day. So if you got a communique on that day, you type it into the encrypting machine and that day, it would spit out the correct answer, right? We needed an Enigma machine for slurs, for slurring. So it's like a website, so everybody wants to participate. Yeah, because we cycle through these,

we know what, you know, we cycle through the words, but by the time they get out to everybody, they're on to us. You can't use it anymore. They get shut down. It doesn't matter how many words or numbers you replace it with, it's that initial propagation that is then, that they catch up,

the sensors catch up with and then wipe out and then band everyone. So what if instead of propagating singular words, we just propagate an enigma slur machine. So then it's some sort of a device that like maybe today who you want to talk about maybe their mugs today. Look at these fucking mugs. Then the next day it's something different topus is the next day so you've got you've got an army of slurman out there brandishing these weapons of memory as they're intended but they can't what are you gonna just ban words You can't ban topus if they just happen on that day a sudden spike in topus an entire restaurant industry will go out of business mugs You're gonna ban mugs? I don't think so.

You know, I mean, that's good. That's a good ass invention and a nigma slur machine. It's a really good idea. I mean, it's a really, yeah, it's a good idea. Matt's, I mean, what's he referring to with Matt's? I gotta go to my enigma slurring encryptor. Yeah. And type it in April 2 second, 2019, Matt,

oh, that's what he called me. Okay, well, that's son of a bitch. That's so funny. That's how we avoid detection. Yeah. Huh. Won't they just shut down any site that has that, you know, link or the information

to do that? I'm gonna put it in the, I'm gonna put it in the Bitcoin. I'm gonna distribute it. Where nobody understands it in the Bitcoin. I'm going to distribute it. Where nobody understands it. Blockchain. Yeah. No one will understand it. Right. I got called a Pontiac.

What is that? What does that mean? A Pontiac. Everyone who knows will know though. Yeah, true. And every day changes. Yeah. All right.

Funny. Thank you. Funny. Here's an April, here's an April Fool's Day prank for you that a company should pull off. Just go to every telecom CEO or healthcare executives house and fill their car with diarrhea. Fill it with pigs shit. That's a corporate brought to you by Arby's.

Hey, we took all the diarrhea from Arby's sandwiches and we filled up Blue Cross, Blue Shields, CEO's car and all of their executives houses with diarrhea brought to you by Arby's happy April Fools day. Can't take a joke. Can't take a joke. It's April Fools day. Don't you guys have like a hilarious tweet to send around?

Yeah. Arby's diary. Yeah. Uh what else I have here. But wait, there's more. Tax, tax, tax time. Is that, do we have an episode before tax day? Yeah, I think so. We must. Yeah.

April 15th, right? It's got to be. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'll be in Australia. I'll complain about that next time. Okay. Jesse Smollett, by the way, speaking of, he got up for an NAACP award.

Did you see that? What, after all this comes to life? Yeah, because he's innocent. What, do you remember what I said? Yeah, but he's agreed to community service in everything, right? That's just to move things past, man. He's obviously, that's just what you have to do

with the white man. You always have to capitulate something. Yeah, he's with our injustice system of white privilege. Yeah, so he doesn't have to admit to doing it basically. Well, he didn't do anything wrong. Yeah. But what is the first thing I said? That was a smart move.

If you are an entertainment and you're not perpetrating hate hoax crimes on yourself, you were leaving money on the table. Yeah. What happened? Back with open arms. Yeah. Uh, I don't even care. Everybody cares, I don't open arms. Yeah. I don't even care. Everybody cares on us.

Yeah, everybody I know cares. Oh, but shouldn't that be illegal? Who gets a shit? Everybody just goes, he's dumb as shit. You know, like that's basically all you can expect. It's like he's a fucking moron. Slightly dumb. Yeah, he's slightly dumb.

Yeah, I mean, I think more than slightly, but. That's like he's a fucking moron. Slightly dumb. Yeah. You slightly dumb. Yeah. I mean, I think more than slightly, but. No, because he pieced all that together. The idea? He pieced the idea that he pieced together the idea that if he increases his victimization, he needs to leg up in his victimization. So he increases it. Yeah, but he fumbled.

It's more than a fumble at the goal line. It's like stopping and handing the ball to the other team. Like it's like, that's like, I don't think he intended that to go beyond his entertainment circle. I don't think he intended, I don't think he intended to report it. I think he got pressured into it when it got out in his circle. That's what I, this is totally, this is total made up shit, but I bet he did it, reported it to his work people and it accidentally got leaked out. That's possible. That's possible. It's likely. I mean, I don't know. That's reasonable. It's possible.

They're like, press your mind. Like lying to your friends. Going to the cops. Yeah, something lying about hooking up with a girl, like, oh man, I totally fucked this girl. And if you're like, well, you should go to the fuck police and report that you fucked her. Like killing seven with one swipe, right? Like Mickey Mouse cartoon, he kills seven giants with one. Oh, yeah, he's like, oh, fuck, I'm not gonna tell people it ain't right.

Right, right, right, right. So he's the tailor. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You wanna talk about Article 13? Do you know what that is? Um, no, not off the top of my head. The EU passed a law that says,

it's very, it's very insidious. The EU? Yeah. Yes, they passed a law saying that in effect, the law says content publishers, like YouTube, Facebook, whatever, if you're doing, if you're and they set a threshold, so if you're certain size, if you make $10 million a year, something like that, if you're, what if you're a certain size company? The onus is on you, the responsibility is on you to make sure that people are not uploading

copyrighted material, to make sure that there's no piracy happening on your platform, which sounds good. But of course, they don't really have a... Of course, what we've seen is not only does the EU have protections for speech, like with Tankila and his dog, that we take for granted over here. Yeah, but they also, YouTube goes out of control banning things for copyright infringement. Like I've had posts removed for just linking, linking to Maddox, I get hit with a DMCA request. So what do you think they're going to do now? Yeah, and it is, it's very, people are saying, there are people who think it's the end of the internet, which it does seem bad. It does seem there are people who think it's the end of the internet, which

it does seem bad. It does seem bad, but I think it's even worse. I think it's specifically worse in a way that I haven't heard anybody say. And that is that all of this is a, all the article 13 thing, the e E first of all, if there was anything, if there was any more evidence to say that Brexit was the smartest thing and like, you are a fucking, you'd have to be, there's got to be something wrong with you. If you don't, if you don't think that your country not being beholden to other countries is a bad idea.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Like, what do you, it was like the, was like the sixth, fifth episode we talked about Brexit. The only point is, well, why would you want France having a say in what you do? Well, and they never went on the, they never went on the euro, which has been smart. It's a hard, yeah, it's been, they've been stronger the entire fucking time, haven't they? Yes, yeah. Well, you've got people in the UK still who think that it's going to be the end of the world, they leave the union, people who, people who lived at a time when there was no

EU, sudden for some reason, think that there's any issue with just leaving and saying, well, fuck you guys, we're fine. You guys are way, far away. You're nothing like us. Do your own laws. We'll, fuck you guys, we're fine. You guys are way far away. You're nothing like us. Do your own laws. We'll be fine on our own. There's no reason that there's more people making decisions who live thousands of miles apart

and have completely different needs and demographics need to have a say in what the other one does. There's nothing that proves this more than this article 13 shit, which is fundamental to expression online and piracy. And you've got France overwhelmingly for it. And country country is like Sweden, I think, overwhelmingly against. Like, what do you guys, what did you think would happen? What the fuck did you think would happen? You literally go to war with each other. What did you think would happen? Yeah, no you're... What the fuck did you think would happen? You literally go to war with each other. What did you think would fucking happen, you idiots?

Stop this collectivism. Every people want individuals and companies drive the consolidation of power because it makes it easier for them to make money and control you. Are you fucking serious? There's a reason why one textbook company sells to all the elementary schools in the United States because they just have one customer, the federal

fucking government, they don't get out of school at school. Doesn't help anybody. Anyway, I think it's worse than what people are saying because it's the, it's, it's, it's yesterday's advent calendar of shit day. Pop it open. Oh, article 13 passed. Of course, yeah. Of course it did. Uh-huh. Because everybody wants it to. For the reason that, but they don't think of the follow-up things like that. They go like, well, that's, that's good protecting copyrighted material. Oh, yeah. And musicians really need more money. But it's a really need fucking Cardi B or Beyonce needs more money for shaking or fat ass around singing about, singing about historic personality disorder.

That's what the society clearly needs more, more stupid, consinging about historic personality disorder to a beat that a computer might as well generated. Let's make sure the millions keep I actually saw when I was going through the materials on this. The recording industry has a term called value gap. I think it is

where they've paid they've paid a marketing company who I hope they got their money back from this one. The value gap, because artists streaming on platforms like Spotify, YouTube or whatever, don't get as much money as they used to or get less money. No, it's different. It's different.

Paul McCartney's up there right in front writing about how article 13 is important. This is a literal quote from Sir Paul McFucki, who's worth over a billion dollars, by the way. And you know what? Reading this letter made me feel glad that Michael Jackson bought the Beatles catalog right in front of them. And I hope that some God will allow Michael Jackson to sexually assault Paul McCartney as a young boy because of how fucking angry I was that Paul McCartney act article 13 for the set. Let me re I'm okay. I want to read the exact quote from his ass.

It made me so fucking angry. Because I love the Beatles, you know, yeah. I think they're fantastic. I don't think they're overrated. Like some people say that's stupid. Oh yeah, here it is. Okay. This was, you know, I hate musicians.

Yeah, by and large, except for the ones who work for the show. Yes, right. Hey, I can't stand them. Well, they know nothing. No, well, they sign, they sign the worst deals because they're so, yeah, it's stupid. The athletes are geniuses because at least they have an agent normally who gets a hold of them right away and goes,

listen, because he wants to make money too. I'm not gonna let you get fucking raped in this deal. Musicians will fucking step on their mother's head in a gutter to sign a child abuse contract. You know what I mean? Dear members of EU, I wanna write to you to urge your support for the mandate on copyright and the upcoming plenary vote. I think this is the right one I'm reading.

This is him? Yeah. Yeah, vote through Article 13. This is an old version of Article 13, but it doesn't matter. They're the same. Okay. He doesn't care. Paul Cardi, he's sticking on his face.

I'm sure he's not thinking about what you're thinking about. No, music and culture matter. They are our heart and soul, but they don't just happen. Yeah, they culture, culture literally is what just happens. Yeah, and by definition, people always, just, it just fucking happens. It's the meme of every, like in every apocalypse movie when an asteroid is coming down Well, let's get our best artists and musicians. No, no, no, absolutely If they're I've our best artists and musicians are in the doomsday arc shelter. I'm outside kissing the meteor

Hello, fuck that shit. Yeah, nobody. We don't need to carry any traditions forward. It just happens Yeah, not some kind of vanguard of one, four, five. You potential block. Yeah. That's funny. They can be session humor. Yes, thank you, thank you. This is what I think the article 13 is nefariously,

because I noticed suspiciously that Google was basically absent on this one. As much as they, as much of those Google plug net neutrality, the one that everybody had a hard on for, which I also say is a scam. And I hope that everybody can see how their absence in the article 13 debacle implies that they had something to gain with net neutrality

as they clearly did, but anyway, I digress the point is, the law says now that platforms need some kind of preemptive content filter to prevent copyrighted material from getting uploaded. And you're saying they're already draconian. They're already draconian. The only people who have developed such a filter at great expense, over 10 years, is YouTube. Yeah. So this is just, this is now a mandatory, we have mandatory health insurance, mandatory drivers insurance.

Now if you run a business online, you're going to have to have mandatory privacy insurance. Let us see a company that aggressively uses their machine learning filtering to kill speech that they find offensive. Unnecessary regulation. Globally. This is going to be the nerfed soccer mom world of the internet that we will, that our kids will live in.

They will never get the joy of calling someone a teacup online or a pastry online or has screaming at all caps because you will be, it'll be locked out of shift lock motor. Silence deleted. If your shift lock is on for too long, it will be clicked off. Your bank account will be closed.

Your alternative site will be shut down. Your app will be collectively removed from all stores. It's very blackmail. They're a week of each other. It's very blackmail. And it's all run by one, the same company people champion as, as protectors of net neutrality without ever thinking, wow, maybe it's just, maybe I've been conned in some way. Again. Now, maybe it's just, maybe I've been conned in some way again. And it sucks. A lot of good points.

And fucking sucks. It sucks, it sucks, it sucks. And I always say, you're always a big picture guy. And I, because I was, I really see it. I was there when they fucked up the internet the first time, when in the late 90s and early 2000s, when they, when the writing was on the wall for cable companies and they were losing their ass to small DSL providers.

I cried, if you wanted internet, if you want a faster internet, you could get 60 SL companies fighting for your business. What do you, can we jerk you off, sir? What kind of speeds do you want, sir? We got all this fucking wiring, sir. What do you off, sir? What kind of speeds do you want, sir? We got all this fucking wiring, sir. What do you want, sir? In one move, W, bundled the last mile to protect the cable company's investments,

and all of that competition was destroyed. It has never recovered since, it has never recovered since, and it has just creaped, it has creaped towards a totality of control. I know. It's fucking so dangerous, and you get what they goddamn well give ya. I will say, these are my thoughts on it.

I'm just not talking about it. The reason that we knew the government would fuck us over because that's what they do. That's their whole purpose. Even at their best, they're fucking somebody over. That's the point of having a government because you can't fuck everybody wants to fuck somebody over. So they call it a government. Like, ah, man, we got limited resources. Somebody's, somebody's not going to be able to eat. I know. We'll have a government. And that government will decide who doesn't get to, who doesn't get our resources.

Right. Well, who does, who tells the government what to do? Well, we all do. Sounds just like you guys fucking somebody over. I don't look at it. I have something. Somebody shut that guy up. The problem, the entire problem, the entire problem that's led us to where we are today is currency. It's advertising, which is based on currency. The way the internet works is the value cannot be exchanged. It can only be exchanged through ads, which is what drives the click-based economy that we have because you have the only way to exchange value through content online is by selling ad space and then charging that as a transaction. That's the bottleneck, right? Like labor. The reason the income tax is so effective because you can't offshore your time.

You can send anything else, make it anywhere you want. But I know if you worked 40 hours a week, I could charge you. You can't, you are the bottleneck. Same weed is online. The only way through it, so a lot of people are all depressed and sad about this internet shit because they know where they can see the writing on the walls. The only way through it is to restart the internet,

restart the entire layered communication process with money as the bedrock. Money is the foundation. The transactions do not happen with money, and I think we will get there with blockchain distributed cryptocurrency, with just blockchain technology overall, because that doesn't work unless it's

funded de facto. The distributed system doesn't work unless except only on the exchange of value by the nature of the blockchain. If the transaction occurs, that has been an exchange that is irreproducible, that is immutable. You understand what I'm saying? Like this transaction happened. I don't, you don't need to sell ad space to convince to show when the transaction happened. Right. It happened right now. Yeah. So if you're one of these people that's very depressed and there's a lot of you out there that the internet's being destroyed, I think we just got to rebuild it. We got to rebuild it with blockchain at the heart of it, with exchange of value at the heart of it, such that you're not paying, you're

not paying a telecom or whoever to get access to your content that's some prick who doesn't even understand the, that doesn't even understand the nature of culture is, is having a gigantic cabal and force upon you like McCartartney here, but such that the drivers of technology and the value and the money of it that you exchange for it are themselves, I think, are intertwined in a way that cannot be separated. And that's the only way forward. So I guess that's my cryptocurrency rant and article 13 rant. Uh, it sucks. It fucking sucks. But it's just gonna get worse. All right, here's a song.

Nick did a 24 hour stream. I know. Oh, God. How did he? How was he toward the end? I didn't see it because I I ate too many mushrooms and passed out. Oh geez. I was gonna call in at the end and see if I could get him and his wife to sing a Disney song and play it on piano. But yeah, I just, oh, I think it was all these mushrooms I want to do. I was too drunk. I thought I'd offset it with a bunch of mushrooms. Oh, there's a mistake.

Yeah, well, but I did climb down from the roof before they kicked in. Oh, good. That's, that's, okay. Thinking, good for you. I saw the ladder leaned up against the house is it still out there? Yes. Oh good they'll steal They'll steal tools, but they have yet to steal a ladder from my house at least the ladder was from here. Yeah, really?

Yeah, this is a fucking pretty Pretty low-key neighborhood, too It is but there is still the occasional guy who wanders up the street with a shopping cart, like two shopping carts, cans. Yeah, that's a hike. I know. That's a fucking hike.

That's how we harness, we've created a system to harness labor, to harness the kinetic energy of a human in cans. Yeah, they go around, I don't even know you get that much money for cans. I don't know what you get now, but I see enough people doing it that it must be, you know, it must be something. All right, here's another, here's a greatest man in the world chiptune cover. Cool. Do you like chiptune?

I mean it's cool. Yeah, I mean I wouldn't listen to like 10 minutes of it, but... So three songs. You listen to two songs and that's it. Yeah, probably. like 10 minutes of it but... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That was cool, that was by Matsumuho. Matsumuho? Wild, a wild Matsu, that's what that was by. Comments, comments, comments. Radio dial death, I worked at a school district as an IT manager back in 2014. I walked into one of my schools on a regular call

only to walk into an active shooter drill. Oh, the way they counted people as being dead was if you were in the hallways or left a door open to a classroom, closed doors stop killers apparently. One of the vice principles, I think just being crappy with their guns stops most of these killers. Yeah. Doesn't it always seems like they fuck up with their gun and they're like, jamz or like, yeah, just garden variety fuck ups. Are the only thing,

are the only thing that stops. And one of the vice principals was walking around the clipboard pointing their pen at people and saying, you're dead. You're dead and marking us down as being dead, I guess. Because I happened to walk in at the wrong time and totally ignored it to do my actual job, I was among the dead and my department got mentioned in the right up. They ended up making a ridiculous check-in policy for all district employees, which added even more time wasting BS during my day.

One of the reasons among many that I did not stay there for long. So you're a contractor, you're showing up during an active schedule. And you have to participate. How fucking stupid is that? Like, if you mark me dead, I'm going to shove that clipboard up your ass, sir. I hope you don't even don't even

acknowledge him. Your dad. Yeah. I mean, you'd lie down. That's great. Why? Yeah. Um, Oh, I used that. Guess you don't need this fixed. I used that flipping off a cop thing that we were talking about a couple weeks ago. Do you remember that? Yeah.

Yeah, it was on St. Patrick's Day. That was the day that Erica Medina was in here reading the news, talking about flipping off policemen. And 80s girl left the parking garage. She doesn't drink at all. So she's gonna drive her. She leaves the parking garage. the parking garage. She doesn't drink at all. So yeah, she leaves the parking garage. And a cop, a bike cop was parked outside the parking garage next to Lucky Baldwin's

in Pasadena. Immediately as soon as her tires hit the asphalt, woo, big U. No shit. Yeah, turn her over and just the just be like, well, just because that chances are somebody's loaded, but no, no possible way. There was any, no possible way she did anything. No, other than like normal womanly driving, you know, timid driving. Well, he didn't even matter because she's okay. Yeah. He was just like, oh, yeah, my overwhelming odds are that this person's gonna be intoxicated.

Yeah, and she gave him her license registration, obviously sober, not messing around at all. And he did, he had the audacity to do the eyeball check with her. Yeah, okay, look, look this way, look this way, like, okay, well, yeah, okay, well, make sure you've got your lights on, whatever. They're a parting advice. And so he walked away, because I'm embarrassed. And I said, I'm pretty loaded. This will be either, even if I get arrested,

this is funny for the show. Cause he's going back to his car. Yeah. So I held my hand up. Yeah. You know, he's walking away, right? So he's like, well, I better make sure he walked all the way to his bike, got his bike, drove away with my the whole time.

Yeah, so he's seeing you. He's having to see it. Of course. It was great. Yeah. Yeah, didn't do anything. He better know you could do this. Yeah, I don't know.

You could flip off cops like this. Cool. Yeah. I don't know, guys. Someone I'm close to orchestrates these active shooter drills every year for their local school district. It's carried out by the school board, Sheriff's Office and Fire Department. And each year it's a different theme,

a different theme or backstory for like, sometimes the active shooters robbed a bank and it went bad like reindeer games. So they're trying to find the money they stashed in the school while it was being built so they come back 20 years later. Just really? No. No.

That way too creative. They get sent out of pamphlet before the school should be about what the drill happens. Like, okay, this is what happened to these guys. So you know, this guy's pretending to be a terrorist because he wants to get the barer bonds out of the principal's office and the principal's secret safe with all the permanent records. He wants to wipe some antics from when he was a little kid off his permanent record.

Yeah. So he's taken over the school with a bunch of other shooters and they're going to pretend to be freeing terrorists around the world while really they're gonna pretend to be freeing terrorists around the world while really they're just trying to crack the principal's secret permanent records office and his office. That's the, that's what the kind of stuff they send out. And they send you roles too, like you're pregnant.

So yeah, that's part of your character that you have to play. It's like the people who pretend to have, you know, ailments or diseases for the doctors to diagnose. Yeah. Yeah. Except except this has nothing to do with their jobs. Right. It's just like that except for that one. And it's Christmas time. In the, in the scenario I was describing all of that. It's Christmas. Well, it makes for a better movie. Shooter drill. Yeah, really?

It makes for a better active shooter drill, you mean? Yeah. Well, when they make the movie, yeah, when they make the movie, active shooter. Drill hard. Yeah, active shooter. Good drill. That's right. They wrote a whole fanfic for an active shooter.

Yeah. Oh, man, these guys, how smart would you think you are? Have you just worked around 200 women all day every day? So smart. In addition to the shooter, they include events like fires. Last year, the story was a disgruntled ex employee and his cousin who came into the high school, set the greenhouse on fire and then went on a shooting spree. Wow, they'd really do go out. They really do put a lot of backstory into these fake emergencies. The worst part, in my opinion, is the fact that the whole event is a secret until it happens. The only ones privy to it are the people involved, not the general student body or the faculty. How about that? Smoke cutter says, Wait, do they have to say,

this is a drill, or do they just barge into a classroom? Cause like the students don't know, right? So. The first active shooter who says it's a drill, is gonna kill everyone at this school. Yeah. Hey everybody, don't worry,

this is just a drill, I'm just an active shooter. I mean, people are, you could be killing people. As long as you say, don't worry, it's a drill. It could be exploding. Must be fake. Yeah. Oh wow, that's a pretty you could act, you could be killing people. As long as you say, don't worry, it's a drill. Heads could be exploding. Must be fake.

Yeah. Oh wow, that's a pretty good special effects gun you have. The teacher would be there, oh, don't worry, it's just a drill as kids were getting their heads blown off. That's how fucking dumb people are. Smokecutter says, Dickwin Sean said that the kid's description matched Michael Jackson's penis.

Mm-hmm. The kid said that it was circumcised when it actually was not. I read that. Yeah, that's a pretty big difference. That's a big difference. Yeah. No, that, that, yeah.

Yeah, he's, yeah, he's right. And I looked at that, I forgot that when we were talking about that a minute ago, but yeah, after you talked about it the other week, yeah. He was like, why is that not a headline? Kid's, I know. I know. Michael Jackson's penis is circumcised. It's not fucking circumcised, right?

Because I was a guest. Because I was a guest. The guest, you would guess that it probably was. So, you know, when it's not, yeah, that's, yeah. Well, who knows what a kid says? Like, how old are you to know when a circumcise is happening? When it, like, how old do you have to be to know what is a circumcise?

Well, yeah, I don't know. Like they probably said, does it look like yours? I think yours. Does it look like snuff olupicus? I don't even know how old the kid was. Yeah, no, that's right. You know what the worst part of that stupid finding Neverland documentary is?

Like, these weirdos are making up these stories about banging Michael Jackson or whatever. Yeah. But they're telling it from the point of view of a spurned woman lover, like really overtly pretending that they're bringing in narratives like the other woman and that they're too old for like it's just like where they like I got too old. So he wasn't interested in me. Yeah.

Like he goes through their he goes to go play around and never, never land. Like, you know anymore, free, right? Yeah, it's like the way they're describing it. I need to hang out with monkeys and shit anymore, and it really pissed me off. I couldn't order from the junior menu anymore. So it was too cold. Like the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I want the way he phrase it is so directed to 30,

the five year old cat ladies, it was disturbing to watch. I'm like, you're first of all, you are getting off a weird amount of people who just hate, hate pedophiles. Yeah, sure. Over the top, like who think that they hate pedophiles? More than everybody hates pedophiles, which is at maximum. There's no way, like, I really like sex. Yeah, we all fucking like it, dude. I really hate pedophiles, which is at maximum. There's no way, like, I really like sex. Yeah, we all fucking like it, dude.

I really hate pedophiles. Yeah, we all fucking hate them, man. But that it was so obviously targeted towards women. Oh, there was, there, and I felt like, I felt like he was the other woman. It's like, you're talking to a little boy's mother, what are you fucking doing? What is this shit?

What the hell is, what is this shit that you paid for, HBO? Seems like a cash bag. You make me watch this weird, this weird erotic fiction of this weird 50 shades of gray with little boys. What the fuck is wrong? Why are you doing this? It's obviously a big lie. Hey, Dick, listening to your rant on book reading, and who reads a book, and why

people are so obsessed with reading books, dude, aren't you a reader? You and Sean have both made references to tons of books, most notably to me, Catch 22, which you guys botched. Also my favorite book. I don't know how we botched that. Oh, I know. It was, uh, I think you described the wrong character as doing this. Oh, did I? Yeah, it was like a, right, it was a different

character, but you got the thing right. It was just a different character. I shouldn't be reading so many books. I'm starting to get the character. Yeah, whatever it was like, just read one book and quote it forever. Yeah. That's all. I imagine if you, if you had a reading list, that lots of fans would go through reading DH Lawrence and John Steinbeck for the first time because you are quite revered by your fan base, I'm Willie. I think this gentleman is a teacher. I don't.

Yeah. I don't. I don't recommend reading that you all be why global warming is a hoax. That's why it's not a good idea to. Yeah. All right. Let me bring this guy in. The wet bandito. Hey, wet bandito, are you there? Hello? Hey, what's up, man? Hey, let me, let me read this, this email you sent me. I

thought it was pretty funny. Patreon thoughts with their husbands. Hey, sorry for the long email and strange forward, but I thought this might be of some entertainment to you. It's been a lot of entertainment to me. Already. Yeah. Good.

Do you remember a long time ago in the show when I brought in thoughts on Twitch that have their boyfriends in the shot with them? Like, there's all these chicks on Twitch that like spend their Twitch time dancing around and painting their naked bodies, like a cosplay. And there's literally painting naked bodies. And every time the boyfriend makes them laugh or like a sis gets his hand in there, I'm like, oh, come on, this gross. Yeah, I'm having a fantasy here.

I don't need ruined. I don't need your gross. That looks nothing like mine. That looks nothing like mine. That looks nothing like mine. Those hands are enormous. Not long ago on your show, you talked about Patreon and Snapchat thoughts and how the success of their business relies on maintaining the illusion of being single and that men would donate or subscribe to that kind of women would do so under the fantasy that they could somehow become their boyfriend. I don't think it's that specific, but yeah, basically, I happen to subscribe to one of those thoughts on Patreon.

She goes by the name of Amaranth. Amaranth. I think it's Amaranth. Amaranth? Amaranth. Bitch can't spell. Amaranth, and is known for her cosplay and cleavage. I became a Patreon earlier this month at the hundred dollar tier.

Buddy, what did you get for that hundred dollars? Just some teased photos and like my biggest problem is that there's no nipple. It's just like stickers. So she sends out no nipple picks with stickers over her nipple pasties. For a hundred bucks a month, you were giving this bitch a hundred bucks a month Yeah, just ones does she chat with you Are you in the virgin contest? Are you in the virgin contest? I'm not but I could apply probably okay, buddy. All right. All right. We'll hope you out. And is known for her cosplay and cleavage. I became a patron, patron earlier this month.

Yeah. By my estimate, just by looking at her tears and number of patrons, I'd say she definitely makes anywhere from 24,000 to 72,000 on Patreon. I'm like, wow. A month. A month. Anyway, earlier today, I'm sure it's all reported. Yeah, right? Yeah. Anyway, earlier, that's'm sure it's all reported. Yeah, right? Yeah. Anyway, earlier, that's who you see in these shots.

Yeah. I think what was the funniest about this email to me is the thought, the woman that I was watching on Twitch that I came in and immediately complained about her boyfriend in the shot was this woman. No, a hammer-ent. And apparently her getting discovered

as having a boyfriend is a huge scandal among her patrons. And I watched her one time once and immediately knew that she had a boyfriend, but she's perpetrating this fraud upon all, I'll keep reading. Anyway, earlier today, a bunch of her subscribers me included received a very strange conspiracy-esque email

exposing her relationship status. You gotta see it. Apparently the bitch has been hiding her marriage for multiple years, even though she has claimed many times on stream that she is single. Oh my God. The anonymous sender that figured out this, that figured this out even claims that he hired two private investigators.

Oh boy. You really wanted to be sure. Yeah. I really need to know if I can stop giving this bitch money. Yeah. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh confused. I don't want to mislead anybody and, you know, invoke this type of wrath. It was a one-time thing anyway. Plus, she doesn't even show her nipple. Oh, yeah, fuck that. But I think it would be pretty funny if everyone starts, wow, I don't want to say this part. Either way, if you

don't, if you don't care about any of this, here's the pick of her cleavage for reference. I've already seen her cleavage. Let me pull it up so everybody else can see. I wanna see. I mean, she's cute. Yeah, she's cute. So you're a nice rack. Okay, so how did you find out that this woman has a husband, buddy, wet banded? Wedding, right?

And kids running right on the background. I found out through the email that the guy sent. And you didn't know until then? No, I didn't know. So yeah, I'm not really a big follower of her. I just found out about her. Well, yeah, but you're a hundred bucks a month. There's a pretty big follower.

That's a big investment. What were you thinking when you? So I recently got like a pretty big bonus and job promotion. Okay. So I had a bunch of spending money and thought, why not? Well, what was in the, what was in, yeah, what was the sea?

What it gets me? That's what I want to know. That's what I want to get to the bottom of. Because I see, I see chicks running this scam all the time. And they're like, dude, they've got levels of a hundred bucks, 200 bucks, 500 bucks for access to their like special beat off evolved. I'm very suspicious of it. What were you thinking?

They're never going to meet you. It wasn't so much that I would meet her. It's just that I don't know. I think the biggest thing was you get her snapshot, right? No, I think the biggest thing was you get like her snapshot, right? And it was sort of so that it's like she would be like half naked throughout all her snapshots, right? But her snapshot just consists of like an ad picture saying go subscribe to my Patreon. That's how her snapchat is. It's like, oh, you could find the full post on Patreon. You thought it would be half naked pics of this chick as she's going through throughout

her day that you'd like a voyeurist view into it. I'm shopping now. Half naked. Half naked. And you would always be there checking it out. I'm going to a PTA meeting with my American. I have a single woman. Here's the email that you got, Sean. I don't know if you can see it from over there. Greetings. You want to know the truth about Amarance Marital Status? She is married, highlighted, and all bold.

She's been lying to you the whole time. Look at the evidence. Try to have, look at the evidence and try to have some fun. Oh my God, this guy's so pissed, look at this. Here he is on January 15th of the year, I hired two private investigators. Who'd been collecting? Look, it gets me, man.

Yeah. Go ahead. What a weird, what a weird fraud. What a weird, what a weird fraud. To perpetrate the illusion that you're single. I guess Maddox used to complain when I would imply that he had a girlfriend on the old show. Sure, well, you know.

I hired two private investigators who had been collecting evidence for two weeks on Amaranth age 25 and her husband, her husband, Nick, Nick, the dick. Wow. Cool. The investigation was based on the information provided by Amarith fans, turned haters. Oh, man. And she's still selling everybody.

She's single, huh? Yep. Oh, how do you feel? Do you feel like you've broken free of your spell? Yeah, kind of. Yeah. I was broken free the moment I knew what the moment I saw what kind of content she was creating. Look at this.

Marital certifications, marital records, chats, screenshots. Dude. In close documents, a response to accusations for patrons during Patreon hangouts. First of June 2018, a few days after the L of the day, was marriage application, marriage certificate, list of county courts, phone numbers, Jesus Christ. Well, yeah, I guess that's kind of on, I guess that's the, that's the live by the sword, die by the sword. Lesson if you're a thought. Keep that marriage under wraps.

All right, man. I don't know, I guess maybe it's not as funny as I thought. It would be, but it makes you a great. It's the funny part. Like the reason that I got all the emails. Yeah. So she would make a, she would post stuff on Patreon with like a giant like smiley face covering up her body.

And be like, if you wanna see the full picture, leave your email, comment your email and I'll send it to you. Oh, okay. So these posts would get like 200 comments of people leaving their emails. Oh, oh. And I guess that guy that conspiracy guy just like copied all the emails and like sent it to everybody.

Yeah. Well, what's the lesson? Don't give out hundreds of dollars thinking you're going to see some nipples. Yeah. It's not going to happen. Well, and don't expect that she's not going to lie to you. Like, I mean, yeah, it's the fantasy. It's all a fantasy.

But we're now, we live in a strip club now. Yeah. So you're at, like, it can't, it used to be you go into a strip club, that's when the lion, that's when the fantasy begins, you leave it ends and you're back to negotiating for the rest of your life. But now it's, Twitch is essentially a strip club

for teenagers and up that you can never escape from. All right, man, anything make you rage? I thought this was funny as hell, but maybe not for, maybe not for the radio. I like the private investigator part. Here's the sticker. In the next photo, the sticker gets naked. Ha ha ha.

Anything make your edge? Eh, no. Not really. Alright, alright. Get the hell out of here. What banded? Alright, see you. Alright, see you.

Oh, boy. These boys. Oh, read a Virgin update. Hmm. Hey, Dick, one of the virgins here. Been trying out your classic lines, and I gotta say, they worked like a fucking charm. Last night, they got me within spitting distance

of getting laid. Oh, come on. I was at a frat party last night after getting a few... I could be sitting across a table from a woman. Yeah. I don't know what spitting distance is. From getting laid. I mean, I get it if it's like, you know, first it's rock throwing distance.

No, no, no. What you want to get is to head chopping distance. You're not, if we're assaulting, you know, and fridge throwing distance of getting laid. Fridge, throwing within fridge moving distance of getting laid. I could spit a lot farther than I could move a fridge. Yeah, okay. All right. I was at a frat party last night,

getting a few drinks in my system to not be a total pussy. That's man, that is a rule. We've really got to implement in the Virgin Contest. Just two drinks, one drink an hour. Or maybe even that's, yeah, you just don't want, you can go over, yeah, go over, really easy. You get't want, you can go over, go over real easy.

You get, the confidence you get from drinking kicks in halfway through the first drink. And it never get, you never get any more confident than that. One drink, two drink, five drinks. You are the same confident as you were at half a drink. One drink an hour, that's a good, yeah. That's a good, well that's about what your, you know, your body can, yeah, you can maintain, but I went over and talked, I went over and started talking to a group of girls. They said they recognized me from a class I had dropped earlier in the year.

I spent the rest of the night trying to work any charm that I might have in one of the girls who was particularly hot, probably a see-cup and a tightest ass. I was talking to her for basically the whole night, though I tried not to be too clingy. And every time I thought there was a lull in the convo, I stopped to talk to a friend or another girl just for a bit. I'm sure you'll appreciate your two lines worked the absolute best.

I said that I really liked her shoes and that they had a crazy cool sparkling design. And she proceeded to go in a whole big rant about how their favorite pair, and how she's been wearing them. And then suddenly he didn't want to get laid anymore. And how none of her friends liked them, but she wears them anyway, et cetera, et cetera. Then later in the night, she said,

I looked like a drummer, and I told her how I've actually been trying to teach myself guitar. If you have been trying, let me rephrase that for you. Oh, I play guitar. When you're, when you're talking to a woman, you're you five years from now. That's funny. You are not you now. So if you're trying to do anything, you've done it. Because she's going to try to change you anyway.

Yeah, in the five, you know, yeah, she's getting in the grass. She getting in at the ground level. Yeah, you're the she can see five years in the future Absolutely, you got that you're a much better guitar player than you are women look five years in their own past Five years in your future. They could still fit into that for them But you are what you are the man you are five years from now You're not you're not showing her the building site. You're showing her the picture with the glass skyscraper on the hill screaming into the her screaming into the clouds. She mentions in passing that her dad plays

and channeling my inner dick. I say, oh, is it electric? Wow, he sounds like a cool dude. What other stuff is he into? She proceeds to go on a whole nother rant about her dad. Don't ask if it's electric. Just your guitar player. Yeah.

I was dancing with her for a bit. Probably totally blew my chance to kiss her, but man, I just couldn't quite work up the nerve considering, yeah, that'd be an odd. Yeah, I was saying, well, she was hanging out with him all night though. So that's like, they don't do that. I think a lot of guys think that every base is like a pit, is it piton or piton that you

put into a mountain? Yeah, like a rock climber. Yeah, they'll hit it in. I think it's a piton. They'll hit the piton in, put the rope through, and then keep climbing so that they fall, if they fuck up, they only go back down to the last level. Yeah, that's not how it works. Like one case does not mean jack shit.

That's not a, that's not how, that's not what you think it is. Just like paying for their shit doesn't mean you get to pay for it again. Probably, let's see. Later though, her friends started dragging her along and says, hey, we're going upstairs, you should totally come with us. I stopped dead in my tracks and stopped thinking so I couldn't mess it up in any way.

I proceeded to stop in front of the stairs with them. And she turns around and says, DW, they should let you up. No problem. No, they're going to no man's land. Needless to say, there was a problem. The frack guy stopped me and said, hold up buddy, who do you know here? My foolproof answer of Joe kind of fell apart when he answered, okay, smart guy.

Joe, who? Yeah. I live here as a good one. Yeah. I live here. Yeah, what do you mean? Yeah, fuck are you here? Who the fuck are you?

Evidently Joe Schmo was not the smart guy answer. Yeah. They were looking for, no. I lost track, the blank. It'll also work too. Who do you know? Oh, back in the, the tank top guy, you know, Mr. Muscles. Yeah.

You know who I'm talking about? Yeah. Back in animal, right there. That's who I top guy, you know. Mr. Muscles. Yeah. You know who I'm talking about. Yeah. Akin' animal right there. That's who I nickname. I lost track of the girls after that, but I didn't see a few casual convo. The tickler, the whole, yeah, the tickler. No, the tickler.

So I always got his bag of tricks. But I have any more success, I'll let you know. Okay, you're at a frat party, you've got a girl, wherever you are, you've got a girl and her friends, get away, you try to get away from them as quickly as possible. Go somewhere else. Go somewhere else. Go somewhere else. Go eat.

They always want to eat. They always want to eat because they've been starving themselves all day to fit into a dress. They have no business wearing. Get them out of there as quickly as if you think you're going in for the kiss after you've dancing. Not right away. You're not trying to lure rods into your white van

to take them out, but after you've established some rapport, get them out of there as quickly as possible. No party is that good. No one has ever wanted to look. The reason they went upstairs is because they're done with the party. That's the, that's the area they're in. They're done with it. Yeah. Get her out of there.

Get her out of there. I don't care if you have to go outside, go somewhere else, preferably go to another bar. Maybe you're too young to go to a bar, get out of there, go anywhere else and that's date number two. And you're one more location away from fucking her. That's how it works. They don't see, they don't see engagements as nights,

they see them as places. Okay. Hey, Dick, I would appreciate if read on the show, I would appreciate if this was read on the show, is hearing other guys' stories of bitches going spastic, brings me so much joy. My psycho ex and first girlfriend of a couple years used to threaten to cut herself, throw shit at me,

and one time took my passport, locked herself in the bathroom and started to burn it with a jet lighter because I didn't wanna leave the house at 10 at night to buy her some ice cream. Jesus. Maybe she had like low blood sugar rage. Yeah, that's probably quite medical. She literally told me that was the reason through the bathroom door. Though my favorite thing she used to do to teach me a lesson was when she,

a 23-year-old woman, would repeatedly huff industrial strength glue. I guess to make me feel bad. Winner. Shit was so hilarious. I used to laugh in her face until she left the house. That sounds like a wonderful spend of time. Yeah. She was diagnosed with BPD, though she was Filipino, which I'm pretty sure has some sort

of Latin heritage. So that could go into play. Spanish. Anyway, absolutely keen to see you guys at Road Rage Sydney. Keep up the great show. Cool. Any other guys out there dealing with an absolute psycho? Leave that bitch and I guarantee you we'll see how things only get better from there.

I'm sure that's true. Huffing glue. Yeah. Love hurting themselves. They really get off on it. They're like, women, they watch Fight Club and they see the guy kick his own ass and his boss is obviously start fingering themselves. They really fucking love it.

They had to put plastic on the seats and then move it. Yeah. Oh, no, that's too depressing. Oh, no. Oh, well, here's some news. Maybe I'll read neurotic story. They'll mix things up. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, well, here's some news. Maybe I'll read an erotic story. That'll mix things up. Yeah.

The Dictoe presents an erotic story from a movie. Yes, yes, yes. This one I'm calling the Judas. This was sent to me from the Judas. Hey, Dick, all right. So this is the story of how I cooked my roommates back to California. My girlfriend and I live in the Midwest and took in this couple who were down on their look from California who came to our state for whatever reason.

Female roommate was a babe, Hawaiian, chunky in all the right places. Yeah, yeah, I would guess and double these. What are all the right places. Yeah, yeah, I would guess and double these. What are all the right places? Ass, chunky ass. Tits and tits. I mean, I don't know. Looking like the fertility idol from Indiana Jones, the gold one. Her boyfriend was a skinny beta, who I was basically a dick to constantly.

Oh, wow. We all got along though. Smoked weed, drank, et cetera. Then one night my girlfriend told me her friend was coming back to town from college and wanted to party. I knew of this friend already, beautiful Mexican. Huge cans and a fat ass.

I was even more excited because she told me this friend and her had a threesome before. It was with her last boyfriend. So I was decided, my because she told me this friend and her had a threesome before. Oh, it was with her last boyfriend. So I was decided. My girlfriend, her college friend and my two roommates are going to party. We bought three bottles of liquor and a few grams of weed and dabs. College friend shows up and we start drinking almost immediately. My girlfriend starts to get people handsy. The girl roommate is by.

Her college friend is by. So to convince them to start making out with my, to convince them to start making out, my girlfriend makes out with her friend. And before I know it, my dude roommate and me are watching a three woman make out fest. Wow.

Tits start popping out and I'm making out with all three of the women as well. My girlfriend pressures the dude roommate to kiss me as well. And we just had, didn't we just go just did this? We just did this. What's going on you guys? We just did this. My girlfriend pressures the dude roommate to kiss me as well. I found it hilarious because I could tell how uncomfortable with everything this guy was getting.

Okay. I always like a little bit of humor in my orgies. I don't know about you, Sean. He eventually drinks himself to sleep and I get a two way blow job by my girlfriend and her friend while the girl roommates, while the girl roommate watches. We migrate to the room where I plow both my girlfriend and her friend and manage to blow a load in both with the same boner.

Hmm. I guess, yeah. All the while the girl roommate watches in the corner masturbating. I never got to plow that gorgeous Hawaiian broad, but I did get to see her amazing tits, pus, and ass. The next day, everything was super awkward because the male roommate was butthurt about everything and regretted everything he did, including making out with two women. Within a month, they were moving back to California, whether they like it or not, I'll always have the Polaroids. I took to remember that night. Wow, isn't that nice?

Good for him. Yeah, it's one way to get rid of roommates. Stories from real men. Fuck them across the country. Buy the dick show. Right, back to. All right. I had a news babe was going to call in,

but I don't see her in here. Hmm. Hey, sock my steer. Are you? Hey, where you were going to call in to read the news, right? Yeah. OK, do you have a, hey, you were going to call in the news, right? Yeah, okay, do you have a what do you want to use for your camera? I mean, I can use Skype if you need me to. Yeah, I think Skype would work best, right, Sean?

Okay, I get fucking. I'm out of fucking monsters. Okay, I think that's good. This is phenomenal. Thank you for the water uh... okay now what shall we call you what is your name you can call me sock if you want to sock

yeah okay sock is the name you go by shan this is a this is a new news babe that uh... like to welcome to the program sock now sock what what are you exactly oh well uh... my costume is actually a samoya dog. Oh, okay. What is that? It's a Russian dog, a Samoya, specifically a Samoya dog. Yeah, her name is Florence. All right. This is your furry, this is your furry persona. No, she's actually just a costume

I help a fry. I helped my friend build, and so I kind of just took it home, and I wear it sometimes, but. Are you a furry? Yeah. Okay, but what, so this is just like, this is not your official fur, fur, fur, fur, fur. No, it's just a character. Okay, what is your fur, fur, fur, fur, fur.

Yeah. It's a fennec fox. A fennec fox. Yeah, there are the different, the little ones with the giant ears. It's a phoenix. A phoenix. A phoenix. Yeah, there's the difference. The little ones with the giant ears. Oh, all right. Why specifically a phoenix? It always tickles me that there's so many different species of things that they will

be. Why a phoenix, specifically, sucks? The phoenix is more or less just because I've been in the fandom for like 10 years. Okay. So I've always liked Finic boxes. I'm really loud and Finic boxes are so loud in the rowdy. So that kind of explains me more or less. And you're a woman in the furry community.

I got to think there's not a lot of you in furry dough. I was going to ask. There's a whole lot of them. There's a whole lot of them. I always tell people to go to Farid conventions to pick up girls because there is tons of them. Okay, you know what? Let's send some virgins to the Farid convention to see if they can pull. Please, what is it? When do you go to Farid convention and where? I am going to be at FWA, which is in... Can we go? Hold on, let her answer that one first. What did you say again, Sox? Well, I'm going to be in FWA, which is in Atlanta.

That's next month, and then, or either this month. I think it's the end of this month. And then I will be at Anthrocon in Pittsburgh in the end of June, July. Anthrocon. Okay. And Pittsburgh. Yeah. All right. Now, what were you saying, Sean? You wanna go do a furry?

Just cause I can we go? I've been to a lot. You had a balance. Yeah. There's actually one that's going on in California and knew this year. Where in California? I cannot think of it.

I'll have to send you, but I know it's called Golden State, FerdCon. Golden State, F a con, okay. Yeah, I went to one in Santa Barbara Zoo. Do you guys go to the zoo with the cons? Like, is that, or is that bad? Cause it's like imprisonment. Is that insensitive?

And I can't stand it. Okay, it's a question. It's a question. Yeah, I went to one in Chicago. Oh, I go that one every year. Oh, I go that one every year. Yeah, I came early and I ended up- What did you go? When was road rage Chicago?

Like two years, it was in 2017? Oh, wow, I was there. Could it possibly have been that long? Was it? I think it was, I don't know. Whenever road rage Chicago was, I came in early. Peach and I came in early and Adam from your movie sucks was there. He's a big furry. And he we were drinking with him. Uh, and it was during he was there for the furry convention. So like, yeah, fuck it. Let's go. Yeah. See what the furries are.

Yeah. And I actually remember you doing that. Oh, yeah. That was fun. What? What's a percentage of of men to women? Would you say? I would honestly say, I would say it's like maybe 60% men. That's it. The women are that high. I thought I was like 95% men. No, you can't tell in your fucking suits. Yeah, you can't tell a suit sometimes.

Can you, is there like a chick animal that there's more likely to be? You have to lift up the tail. Well, honestly, like, yeah, I'd lift up the tail. No, they really congregate. They really do. They're like, they're all like in one big group normally. We've got to get some. You'll see them a lot and like the dealers and the artist area because that's most of

the artists anyway. How do you know if they're a chick? How do you know if there's one? I would say ask them, but that might not be a good idea. It's like a mascot suit, right? You got to, I mean, yeah, it would be hard to tell without asking. You got to trick them into something like that. Yeah, there we go.

And a lot of girls were wearing a little bit of a character. They're compliment their claws and see who, you know, what did you say? Sox. Sorry. A lot of characters will wear like a lot of people will wear characters that are men, but they're girls. So it's really hard. You got to go, Hey, free dinner. And then all of them who turn those are all the whip. Yeah. All them who run over are the women I guess. I actually met Bonita Sada convention before. All right. Have you got some news for us?

This is our news babe for today. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Is there going to be arrow case socks? I was told that you like Garfield. Yeah, I love Garfield. Yeah, so okay. So plastic Garfield phones have been washing up along the French coast for over three decades now

with like no explanation Until two days ago The phones have been showing up since the 1980s in the local beach cleaning group claims that in the 18 years It's existed. They keep finding pieces of phones every time they clean the beach So this guy and his brother went to the beach two decades ago and found out where they're coming from The guy and his brother went to the beach two decades ago and found out where they were coming from. Apparently, quote, they found a container which was, which was, which was in a fault. It was open and a lot of things were gone, but it was like, but there was a whole stock

of these phones. Yeah. And he's just not sharing his knowledge with the community, but it still is very much of a mystery. There's, I guess, where the phones are coming from. There's a Lego shipping and container that racked. Like ages ago. And because it racked, they lost all these Legos.

Because it racked, they were able to map ocean currents because of where they were washing up. I remember reading about this. I had something to do with the piece size. Like they would get caught up in whatever currents. And they were able to map this huge amount of ocean current interest as a wrecked. I think it would have been gargled phones. Yeah. Okay. What else is this all?

Animal news. Actually, um, Cardi B is in trouble right now for, for, uh, admitting to drugging and robbing men. Oh, I heard about that. Really? Yeah. Go ahead. So a video of her, uh her has served us from three years ago showing her reminiscing about the time she was a stripper and she brought up that she used to drug and drug and rob these men yeah she confirmed it was real and she apologized for it after college major uproar was even worse even worse she was married what what do you mean I don't know that thought thing I oh yeah that's what made it I'm sorry. What's even worse, even worse she was married. What? What do you mean?

I don't know, that thought thing. I, oh yeah, that's what made it bad. Yeah. I thought I remember reading too that she would drug men and then trick them into having sex with transsexual women or something like that. Well, I'm not sure about that part. Yeah.

When I looked it up, it just said that like she, hilarious. She actually made an apology, but she said that a counter, she wrote quote, I made the choices I did at the time because I had very limited options. I had a pass that I can't change. We all do. I know we don't, we don't all have a pass of drugging and thiefing from men. You stupid bitch. Well, not all pass are created equal.

We all shine, we all have a pass luck. As a stripper, a drug man in Robdom, we all have a pass we're running from. Rob, I'm not even that mad at her though. You just don't are option. You can't blame her for drugging and robbing people, right? Yeah, not really. I think you know what you're getting into.

That's why at a stripper club, the waitress is not the stripper. The strippers don't bring you drinks, the waitress. All right, what else you get, Sucks? So apparently a water burger inspired gun draws attention to a Texas store. Okay. So a Texas company, HX Tacticals, made a water burger inspired customized gun and it's

drawing attention from the fans, but it's really pissing off water burger. Yeah, they didn't lie mad at it. HX, they probably, what a pistol. Water pistol. A customized gun painted to resemble water burgers, to resemble the one of Waterburger logo. And the gun magazine is painted to resemble the French Viboxes. Should just be a water pistol.

There's nothing more American than a Waterburger themed gun. That really, I mean, a fucking, yeah. Yeah, pretty American guns and burgers. I wanted to do the Australia shows in an American costume. You know, like a hover around scooter and a big fat suit. Not like Uncle Sam, so I can hide how fat I actually am. And two big guns.

I thought it'd be inappropriate after the New Zealand thing. You could do it for a style. You could be an obese animal, a kangaroo. There we go. I don't know. Like, what kind of dough? All right, one more, so I'll actually go one more. Okay, yeah.

A magic fridge full of beer founded and found amid Nebraska flood. These two men were cleaning up in Nebraska flood waters last week and discovered a quote, magic fridge and empty field filled with ice cold bush light and mud light. Oh.

They were heading back towards the highway and after cleanup and they saw this box or this refrigerator in the middle of the field and they went and opened it and it was full of beer. Well, they posted it on social media and apparently the man who it belonged to identified it and they told them they are going to give it back to him thankfully. Are they going to get the beer back? They said minus a few beers.

Oh, I see. Have you seen any of the pictures from Nebraska? I'm gonna give it back to him, thankfully. Are they gonna get the beer back? It's like a minus a few beers. Oh, I see. Have you seen any of the pictures? Magic from Nebraska? Magic fridge, like it should make more beer if it's magic. Yeah. There you go. It is, the devastation is incredible.

My cousin is an insurance adjuster in Nebraska, so he's sending me all these pictures. Oh my God. Entire RV parks, you send me a picture of a, he's just going to go low ball, the flood victims. Yeah. Back in Arkansas, that would be like a, that'd be like a big like sin from God. Yeah. Yeah.

He sent me a picture of a boat that was on top of an RV. Like the floods had gone. Yeah. It's a lot of car-sized ice bricks. Wow. Yeah, I heard it was horrible. It's crazy their full on, but car-sized ice bricks. Wow. Yeah, it was horrible. It's crazy. All right, Sox. Could that do anything make you raise a rage? Oh, okay. Yes. So what makes me rickage is, um, lesbians trying to tell me that lesbians sex is the best. Let's sell hard sell. I don't believe that. No.

Like, nobody, nobody like walks up and is like, hey, tonight I want you to finger me. Nobody's like that. Yeah. Well, it's like going to like a Mexican restaurant and then deciding that you're just going there to get chips and then you're leaving. Mm.

Yeah. I've done that. But that doesn't work. Yeah, I don't get lesbian sex either, but then I don't get what the woman gets out of sex with me. So maybe I just don't understand sex for women, right? No. What do you think about lesbian sex, Sean?

How do they know when they're done without someone there to ask for a drink of water and their computer that they left upstairs? That's funny. Do they just go until they get tired? I don't know. My friend will swear upon it and I don't really believe you. That sounds like propaganda.

Well, it seems to go against like millions of years of evolution, doesn't it? For men, but not for women. No, it seems like you're going ahead. No, for women too, because of the way like pubic bones are shaped and stuff, like you can see. Yeah, but what about the way their brains are shaped in a pretzel? Like they're just turned on all the time about everything. And if they're with another woman, they can just like be turned on.

No, no, no, it's super mental too. Those tonus together mental too, but if you got, so what does that really tell you? Right, say that against socks. I said apparently, I guess some studies I used to read back then, apparently, oh, lesbians have the least amount of sex.

And bed death is really common. I believe that. Where are you gonna go? What are you gonna say? I was just gonna say like things being equal. I don't like, I think the physiology is just different enough. I mean, I don't know. I know it's super mental.

I've been with girls before and it's not really. You didn't get everything out of it. No. Do you consider, are you by? I mean, I'm a hashtag dick team. No, I'm not anymore. No, no. No. No. That kind of steered me away. All right, so I'm not anymore. No, no. No, all

firms love. Steer me away. All right, so I'll see that out of here. We're going to send some virgins to a furry con. That'll be funny. There we go. All right, thanks for calling in. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Goodbye. Bye. Cost of the costume is awesome. I can some way. It's so expensive. No, I mean, it some way. It's so expensive.

No, I mean, it looked great. It's so expensive to be a furry. Like, I guess so. You just really, you really must like it, right? Because everybody shits on you. Everybody. Yeah. Everybody shits on you.

Yeah, I guess. There's a ton of, there's a lot of weirdos in the fandom. It's very expensive. They gotta fly all that shit from contacon. Yeah, you're right. You're hanging out with the way what airlines charge for extra stuff, you know. You got to create yourself in your airline.

Right. I can't let me present papers with vaccinations if you're going across state lines. That's kind of stuff. That's why we're so fascinated by lesbians because it's just a mystery that we can never solve. I guess so. What's going on there? What's the sex like? I don't know. I don't see what I don't get it. All right, everybody. It's been the Dix show Patreon.com slash Dix

show, Dix show, Dix show, See you next Tuesday and do some voicemails. This is, oh yeah, okay, this is the greatest man in the world by G.O.F. Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. I got, I found that pub sing along too. I am a greatest man in the world. Better, better, oh, Sturmp,

really little boy, ticker We'll see nothing you better get out of my way My balls are so big, they're all big, cause they're both a bunch of... Yeah! That's good! Yeah! Nice!

I am the greatest man in the world I am the greatest man in the world I am the greatest man in the world I am the greatest man in the world I am the greatest man in the world I am the greatest man in the world lesbians and lesbians relationship. How do they determine who has to say that they are wrong to appease the woman and her hysterical emotions? How does that work out?

Do they flip a coin at the beginning of an argument and say, okay, heads, that means you are the one who has to capitulate this time. I mean, days of the week and then they trade Sundays. And they trade Sundays to who gets to be a hysterical maniac for that day. That's how I understand it. That makes sense, I guess.

Here's Facebook news, here we go. Hi, this is Reddit news. Yeeslash, Zika Fus made a threat saying, imagine if Chris the Kiwi had the Dr. Phil episodes. I thought the yes, three laugh crying, I guess, Mojis. I didn't listen to it. He eats test highlander one As is making your girlfriend accept the fight challenge director you an alpha or beta move Says it in his opinion this would fall into the alpha category because he is ordering a woman to do something and she is accepting As she does says it's an alpha move done by a beta Paco Lingo says, I think it's where it comes off to read in 30 seconds. You said it holds all of the

right. I did. That is Facebook news took it. It took us reddit news. Yeah, that was reddit news. Let's just do voicemails. Pull the plug on that. I mean,

you want to hear more? I don't know. No, I don't know what I think of that. I can't, I think it's making fun of Reddit. I don't know what I think of that. I think it's making fun of Reddit. I don't understand. I like the Facebook news because it's funny to hear what Facebook's. Because it's always up to insane shit. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Dick. So my rage for you this week is myself. I make myself rage because I think we all have these memories. We're like, it seems like you're being

also slick or whatever in the moment. And then you look back in six months, you're like, guys, what the fucking kill myself I do is that it's all self. Sure. What I'm thinking of is six weeks. It fucking hurts my spleen that you think about that by i was at uh...

uh... uh... subwaging one and there's a guy saying xme and he was part of like the the police bombs caught up here that talking about that that's all and then uh... at the fucking checkout counter I decided in my fucking performance of eighth brain that was like oh oh I just got a sandwich because

it would be really nice and so I ended up buying a sandwich and I was like okay that was really nice thing to do and then totally forgot about it and then today I for whatever reason that memory popped back into my head and now I want to slit my own clothes because it just really looked like a total fucking tool and because like that guy just wanted to fucking have his lunch and then here I am this dipshit 19 year old. You're trying to chat him up like he's a broad out of bar with a low cut shirt. And I'll fuck it. I heard you know how stupid I was.

But yeah, so that's my rage this week. I fucking hate myself. But yeah, I don't know. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, you should hate yourself. That's very embarrassing to have done. Really overextended yourself. Hey, buddy, I'm the king of sandwich city.

I'm over here buying sandwich. Hey, here's a little sun for you. Oh, here's a little sun for you. I'm like your dad today. Here's some food. It's on me. It's on me. It's my treat.

Be safe out there. My treat. It's my treat. Be safe out there, my treat, it's my treat. Be safe out there, yeah. It's embarrassing, trying to be nice to people. It's so weird, trying to force your tokens of gratitude and affection in somebody else's life. Like, I don't mean that.

I got this gratitude I wanna show you, but it's just no way for me to express it. Yeah. I don't need to a charity on something on your behalf. Right. I don't want to embarrass myself further. Hey, Decaixion. I have a bit of allergies, so sorry if I sound a little weird, but you know what makes me really fucking rage is people who had these insecurities and basically

they want to trap you in this situation where they want you to apologize for something and they get really upset whenever you say I'm sorry you feel that way or I'm sorry you interpreted something. Okay, let me kind of explain. I just, I've had friends in the past, or quote unquote friends in the past. More so people, I know I should say, that, you know, would misconstrue,

misconstrue something I say, and then they're gonna go, oh, you know what, you meant it this way, they start reading into it, reading into it, and they start going like, oh, you know what, you meant it this way they start reading into it yeah and they start going like oh you know what um... you meant it this way no you like when you say it like princess my friend said you know all hey when you said that uh... our our friend was drunk you know you're saying that he has a problem you're saying that he has he has a problem drinking that he can't operate that's not what it happened and i told them like no he just i just said he was drunk and he was

acting funny you know he's acting really depressed and i just the thing but yeah he was drunk and like no you're saying that he has a problem when people do that holy shit arguing with you these are your friends you mean something that other than what you fucking said it's so fucking annoying because i have to tell them like i'm sorry you fucking feel that way i'm sorry you see it that way i'm sorry you and that's not what happened your friends are turning you into a woman what's wrong with like okay well just be careful with what you say

or you know with care for wording or okay now it's clear with when they heard lashing back at you what that really fucking means is that they have an insecurity they want you to fucking bend in me they want you to feel bad you know oh you're the bad person you know you're bad because I feel you're bad

and you can't you know if you say I'm sorry you feel that way well you're still bad you have to grobble and you're fucking hate people like this, man. And you're fucking dry. Is there doing this shit to me? That's a fact that that's fucking women do. And we're in an argument, especially if they're fucking

abusive and shit. But yeah, no, this is fucking bullshit. I hate it when fucking people do this, man. Except that you misinterpreted something and move the fuck on if you got another if you have a deeper fucking call with me fucking fake instead of trying to fucking curse us by me you fucking piece of shit

you know fucking liberal shit all the time you're doing it without it's joke they do it with everybody and now they do it in day to day they go well you meant it this way you mean it this way Oh really you know me more than I know fucking Yeah, really you know exactly what I would say That he got cut off there. Yeah, that guy's in a relationship with his friends. Yeah. Oh my god What's all your friends just won't go oh?

You know like they won't believe him. Oh, you got to watch what you say I don't I don't give a fuck You're bringing that shit to the party. Yeah, you know, like they won't believe him. Oh, you gotta watch what you say. I don't, I don't give a fuck. You're bringing that shit to the party. Yeah. You're bringing that, you're putting that shit out there. I did mean it that way. Whatever way you're bad, that you thought I meant it. Go have knock yourself out. Where there's that?

Here's, I meant it even worse actually. What was it a drinking problem? Yeah. You should have a worse drinking problem because you're so fucked You're not even good at drinking you're not even good at drinking I'll get over a worse drinking problem for fun Drinking problem that you think I you think you had a drinking problem. That's pathetic What did you get fucking married?

Are you therapist? Going around, are you getting paid for this? Are you as bodyguard? Are you getting paid for going around? Defending your fucking friends? You got a the gap between your friendships and your relationships has got to be a little bit wider than guessing what you're thinking. That's for the person you're fucking. Only they get to guess what you're, only they get to read your mind. Only the person you're having sex with

gets to pretend to read your mind. Only they get to misinterpret what you said. Yeah, everybody else can fuck right off. When you said this, is it because you meant, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You don't get inside of me unless I get inside of you. So unless the neck unless you're taking me to dinner, you better sense the rules. You better stop trying to read my mind.

You motherfucker. Uh, probably all over text angry text. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, sure, dog costume. It was so good. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it was like a nuts for that shit. Yeah. I don't know. I think it's funny. We had a some void when I was a kid. Did you? Yeah. It's cool, dog. Hi, Dad. Hi, Sean. I just wanted to call

him and beg you to never, have Chris the Kiwi on ever again. I think I'd rather be lost in a room with Craig out of Nash, stuff, and maybe even Senator Rich, and forced to play new magic with them. That changed my point of view. Yeah. I never wrestled with him for that deranged speedling artistic struggle that I, for the rest of my life, he's thinking about it, leaving me with the late-term abortion, they're actually

okay. for the rest of my life. You think I wanted to leave the late-term abortion directly, okay? Oh, no. I have to give it a go fuck yourself. I just, I find him fascinating. Me too. I can't get enough. Me either. I, you know what?

I limit myself because I know a lot of people hate him. I know. And I was thinking, it's like we have him on, and like, of course, I make jokes at his expense and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. And it's like, is him on, and of course I make jokes at his expense and all that kind of stuff. And it's like, is it, I don't know, is it a, it's not a nice thing to do, but I don't believe anybody has ever given him

bad advice on this show. Everything you've said for him to do or not do is right on. Yeah. Hey, Dick, hey, Sean. I'm on a vacation uh... on the school of the show but i i have a little rant about the fucking uh... turning test the k because i always hear the shit regarding eight uh... a i i

fucking machine learning and everything and let me tell you how why it is bullshit okay uh... i'm a recent computer scientist or i'm a computer scientist actually uh... i got my degree in it and everything and it's my work so let me tell you about mister fencing pass

bullshit uh... test that exists currently so the during test for uh... for fucking idiots basically uh... is that you are trying to uh... convince people that a uh... uh... a machine is a human that you're communicating with the human the thing is that the problem is conception is that oh hey uh... the

machine is so advanced that is like human like that people will never tell the difference yeah the problem is the logic is that people always know it's a fucking machine. Here's how actually you make the Turing test fucking work. And this is what they're doing to make the Turing test work. Is that you make sure that people are fucking retarded that they don't even know what the fucking shit is in the machine.

That they think the machine is their friend so that they will think it's human and there you go you pass a turing test i mean what has passed a turing test all of some fucking a i think that you talk to you they said that uh... syrian fucking uh... you know like alexa has passed the turing test or got close to it because or response pretty well

the way it goes to the selling that there is not a interaction and shit if you ask a question that it's not expecting like hey Alexa how big is my dick it's like i don't know how to answer that that the fucking passing the train test uh... no instead it is the company speedy still with bullshit don't need a fuck down you don't ask intelligent questions you don't think critically

so i'm a machine when you go out and go, you will have a look, you will have a big, you have a big text, and it's like, I have a big bunch of feet. You're like, oh, fuck, man, this is what she is. It's much of a smart human. It's not fucking smart. It's a fuck sake, it's not hard to create something like this. But everybody's fucking gay keeps, you know, the fucking technology, and they make themselves feel like, kind of like a set up their own

fucking on-clave intelligence fuck technology in the shit man but yeah that's the turning test okay they're you they're not making the machine smart they're making you john alright this is tanner is hosting a watching a watch party right now live stream party right now here the rage to collect it he collected from the road. All right, good. Josh Bershard, my rage,

nutting before pissing in the morning. Guys usually wake up with some form of erection. Could be a earth erection, a water erection, higher erection, some kind of form of erection. Got it. But when I wake up with the rock of Gibraltar in my shorts, I have to either take it out on my wife, if she's not, take it out on myself in the bathroom, or take it out on

myself. But when I nut first and then have to let loose a full night's worth of piss immediately after, my aim is completely off. It feels like I'm pissing molten glass and there's always about a half gallon of piss dribbles. It is annoying because you have to, it's like the hole hasn't been poked in the roster enough. So it just kind of gives this crummy trickle out. Like, oh, come on, man.

Eric, my rage is when co-workers fuck something up and don't tell me, making their idiocy my problem. Yeah. Couldn't mention that you did that. I mean, I would have found that. You bear us, let them think that it's somebody else. Like a child hiding there. I broke the remote, so I hid it.

I shit my pants, so I hid the pants. I hid the shit it in pants in the back of the closet. Yeah. That's good enough for us. We're gonna know who did it. Yeah, it's your pants. Shit head. It's a good enough for. We're gonna know who did it. Yeah, it's your pants. Yeah. Shit head. It's a good interview question.

If you, if you shit in your pants, what would you do with the pants? Would you hide them or would you tell your coworkers that you shit in your pants? If you're not gonna tell me, but you're, you're gone. My room records, my rage is when I get toilet paper in the bathroom to blow my nose at someone else's house. And as soon as I finish, I see the fresh box

of double ply moisturizing Kleenex. Josh, low flow toilets. Yeah, it's my lot of toilets for him. There must be something wrong with the toilet where they are. Jimmy, I can't stop dating insane women. I've been going on dates lately. And every time I find a normal girl with stability in her life,

like a job, car insurance, and a relationship with both of her parents. I immediately get bored and don't even bother with the second date. Well, there you go. It sounds like you do in them a favor. But as soon as I run into a chick with neck tattoos, you're in. A blow and go and multiple domestic violence charges. I'm gung ho the other night.

I thanked a girl for having me over and told her I enjoyed her company. She threw the sheets off of us, lit a cigarette and screamed, don't fucking patronize me. Fuck you, get the fuck out of my house. And he was never more turned on. I drove home at 2 a.m. with a smile on my face. Yep. Looking forward to hearing from her in a couple of days.

That self-destructive drive to date broken female versions of myself is what makes me a rage. Ah, you gotta forgive your mom. Tanner, trying to sell your car, buying someone's car. The twice this week I was stood up when meeting someone to look at my car, women and men.

And I confirmed both of them, two hours prior to meeting, never showed up. God. What have you ever tried to sell or buy a car? No, but two hours is pretty, you know, pretty current, pretty current for somebody not to show. People selling their garbage cars, people not being upfront.

Crags list, right? You get the point the point my chicken is burning gotta get back to the couple more thanks Tanner hey dick I was wondering if you could tell me something um I want to say something shitty on the pants size means when I go to buy pants it can't mean inches because of me wind it by 32-31 day gets a 32-30 the fucking legs sag all the way down to the ground. Then the next day they're halfway up to my fucking knee. Then the other day is I can sit both my fucking arms into my goddamn waist. Another time I come in I can't fucking breathe in them. What the fuck do those numbers mean?

They clearly don't mean inches otherwise they'd be fucking Contestant they wouldn't have to go to the goddamn dressing room every time a lot of the bite pants. It's true Yeah, I don't know what they mean they definitely don't mean inches though I think they're supposed to denote some kind of consistency, but I don't know what the consistency is though. They're all totally different. They really are. Dick, Guy, I caught you on the peak here recently.

The photo is really funny. I wanted to bring this in as a raid because because fuck it's so true the cold the cold demonic dead hands of women my fuck every time that this you hear

it in my voice because it does drive me crazy I hang out in my fucking gym shorts without a shirt on on the weekends like a dad my wife goes to do that says about it with her hands on my Fucking this part right on my lap and they're so So I sickle guy can't cold and I can't say that because They've never want to be cold this but they'll constantly tell you this my fear cold I've cold could you turn it up, but if you mention

this, you know, world over, you know, tag it up for us, right, marriage ended. And God, if you can't glitch, it's an endless test. So he does it, and I just look right in the face and say, I love you too. And inside, I'm fucking telling you this, so kind of cool. Oh, it's a test of my man or every time. And every time I have a cold, a cold skeleton hands coming at you at all the time. Oh man, come on.

Do you don't touch yourself with those fingers, you? Sometimes just for no reason, you'll be sitting on the couch, like in your boxers or something watching TV. And they'll come over and they'll just put their feet under your thighs. My feet are cold. You're like, oh god damn, man.

That's taking my, that's not consent. No man has ever consented to that shit. He's getting pressured into it. Get the blanket. Fuck outta here. Come over and touch you, touch your body with their evil death fingers. into that shit. Yeah. Just getting pressured into it. Get the blanket. Fuck outta here. Yeah. Come over and touch you. Touch your body with their evil death fingers.

Ah! Like, oh, what's wrong with you? Well, you're the living personification of death. What do you mean, what's wrong with me? You're coming at the, coming at me with those evil, those claws. Like that. Yeah.

All right, everybody, this is, I'm gonna play a video, Tanner, just sent. I think it's a Maddox books burning book burning Without swearing I'm at it's broke This is my idea like the Germans had the Enigma coding machine. Yeah, remember? Cool. We're all in this coding. Throughout all these coding machines, and then every day. Good burns. Good burn. We're all the Germans. It's a beautiful machine.

And then now we need to get these in there at some point. For the next. So if you've got a community of prey on that day. You type it into you. What's that satisfying sound? It's great. I don't know. A bit of manliness. You know. You're gonna see.

Throw it on there. That's slurred. Oh. So it's like a slurred. It's like a slurred. It's like a slurred. It's like a slurred. It's like a slurred.

It's like a thro' these, we know what, you know, we cycle through the works. But by the time they get out to everybody There are and they're on to us. Listen to that listen to that that we are going up the failure of the chimney It's Maddox's career Wishing up the chimney with and then why fast in the grandest day and what a set of words we just propagate

a what a beautiful bird and some sort of a device that I can see it's up to be now see sees for copying a field the great

yeah what do we get for the hat trick dick are you coming to Seattle now the hat trick we Decker? You coming to Seattle now? The hat trick. We're going to Seattle, right? That's right. So I want to shirt Seattle road rage and medicare. Oh, medicare. Oh, medicare. You can't ban topless, burning it from the back now too.

Oh, man, I would feel so bad if I saw my book being burned by Chewing up souls Shit I'm getting mesmerized by video fire. Yeah, yeah, I don't even need it in front of me anymore Really as a virtual a digital world You thought that was funny and they didn't think that was funny, the Pontiac thing because they don't know the Pontiac joke. Maybe they do. Yeah. Yeah. And the millennials don't know that joke. You know you're probably right. All right, I'm gonna play that the bar sing along now too and then that's it. Then I got it. I got it.

Oh God! Somebody found that Rucka is on cameo for 20 bucks, too. Do you know what that is? No, I don't. It's this service that whatever celebrities get on, and then you can pay them to say shit or be in a video where they say something. Oh, camp like a cameo. Yeah, a cameo.

So usually they have higher amounts, but Rucker put himself on there at 20 bucks. So I'm gonna go see what I can make him say. Oh boy. This is an after-the-show. Yeah. Stuff like, like you see if he'll say, hey, I'm a giant fraud for appearing with Count Dancula and talking about free speech while my business partner

was suing somebody over something that doesn't even get close to like, defying what protected speech is. See what you can get him to say. That's, yeah, you know stuff like that I get my money back Yeah, you know you you would hi. I'm raka. I'm a huge Pretender and fraud because I I tried to suck on count Daniel's attention Tit about free speech even though I wouldn't I wouldn't even

about free speech even though I wouldn't I wouldn't even confront my business partner and friend about his attacks on free speech because it was inconvenient for my It was inconvenient for me socially and from a business perspective. I'm a fraud Hi, I'm right. Hi, I'm Ruka Ruka. Oli. I don't really know that much about objectiveism, but I read I sound like a wiki how Reading about what philosophical objectiveism is but I read, I sound like a wiki how reading about what philosophical objectiveism is, because I'm not that smart. I want people to think I'm smart because creatively I'm running out. It's hard to produce parody songs at a rate that people want, but in order to make money, I need to shift to pseudo philosophy because my fans are stupid, so they don't, there's not a high,

even if, even if they know I'm a fraud and not as smart as I pretend to be, enough people will stick around and respect me simply because they know who I am and they feel some kind of connection to me as a creator already. Dick, I think there's a word limit. You think he'll charge me more for?

I think there's a word limit. I think there's gonna be a word limit. Hi, I'm Raka, Ali, I'm a word limit. I think there's going to be a word limit. Hi, I'm Raka Ali. I'm a manlit. Do you think that will fit in the word limit? Maybe. I am multi-solabic words also are charged more. Hi, I'm Raka Ali. I made money. I made some money on the best debate. Even after the lawsuit, I deserve to get cancer. I deserve to be raped by wolves by furry wolves. Yeah. Hi, I'm Raka. You think that would fit?

I don't know if he made any money on the debate. Why was he there then? I have no idea. I know. Maybe it's because he made money. And I must have been somebody. I can't believe that show made anything. They're selling hello.

Do you think Max is pretending to shill for Hello, fresh? Like he's so into looking successful. He needs to go fake ads. He sold the air creams doing Hello, fresh. He did it at one point really. I don't you know sold a hair cream, but you know how I'm I'd rack a cell a height cream. Hi, I'm Ruck Ali.

I'm only I'm only three feet tall, but I've been using Dr. Brahmers height cream. She's not that tall. She's not that tall. No, that's that's soap. That hipster soap. That is actually great soap. Is it? Yeah.

You could soap anything. You could brush your teeth with it. You could brush your ass with it. You could wash a horse with it. Well, you could caulk your tile with it. Dr. Brommer's soap. You haven't seen it. Teeth. Brush your teeth. Brush your teeth. From your hair. You could shoot it up your eyeballs. Watch your ass. Watch your ass. You don't need glasses anymore. You just shoot it straight up your eyeballs.

You could also use the same brush. Yeah. Dr. Brommer's brush. Here we go. Here's the pub sing along. He's playing the original track too. I'm so disappointed. They're clapping on one and three in 17-4. Hold on, where should they be clapping? Let me play it again. Da-da-da. Hands up, hands up, hands up. Yeah. Yeah. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. Oh god, that feels weird all over my body.

I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest.

I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest.

I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. No. I am. You could do it half-fim. I am the greatest. I am the greatest. Oh God, that feels weird all over my body. I am the greatest. I am the greatest man.

That's right. No, I am the greatest. I am the greatest man in the world. Yes, that's what I am better. Yeah. I thought I could do it. Right back on track. You do it. You do it wrong. I am the greatest. Yeah, nice. I thought I'd do it right back on track. Do you do it? You do it wrong?

I am the greatest well way. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard to do wrong I am I am the greatest I am the greatest man in the world. That's wrong. Yeah, I Am better than all the little boys. And were they doing that? Yeah, they were they definitely Yeah, that's terrible. Yeah. Er it's, you better watch your mouth. Pretty cool that they did that at this pub. All right, thanks guys. See ya. See ya.