The Dick Show - Episode 149 - Dick on Meat Dreams

Episode Date: April 9, 2019

A meat overdose, the income tax and the theft of American labor, 50 billion robocalls a month, Tetris Brain, a listener bangs a little person, chicks who say “aw”, drivers who wont just go, breathing through your mouth, Jesus’ mom vs, Bezos’ ex, and more on lesbians; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Aiti's girl got a drink, launched at her. Oh, really? Yeah. On the anniversary. It only happens with you. On the anniversary of her last getting soaked with the last year on this day, you know, Kaelin Hall, Miss Piggy, smashed a drink on 80s girl,

got away with it. Right. We were out of one of those like Japanese grill your own meats on a tray. This was last night. Yeah. Very upscale, very high class rock and man and a finished friend of ours from school.

And rock and man. I think I know that guy. Yeah, yeah, you're a real big guy. Yes. Yeah, you've come fufuck with him before. See, the guy who got pulled up on stage. Yes. That was fucking awesome.

You saw that? Yeah, it was there. Oh, yeah, it cocked blocked. It cocked, cocked, coach, for the rest of his life, or so we thought. I mean, it was a cock block of mythic proportions. Oh, yeah, I was so happy to be witness to that. That was it.

Meanwhile, Rocketman is literally laying in the aisle. He can't sit on a chair. He turns to a liquid. At a certain point, he turns into a liquid. Yeah. He's becomes like a mebic. Yeah. Coach made the mistake of inviting my another sphere of friends of mine to an improv show. That's a dry run. He didn't know these people really. I mean, it was like that voice mailer who called in last week talking about your rage as yourself and he's like trying to buy a security guard a sandwich or something. Trying to be the Sultan of sandwich city.

Yeah. Coach was the coach was Mr. Cosmo-Politan, like the mayor of friendship town. Like, and friendship is magic. He was like,, like the mayor of friendship town, like in friendship is magic. He's like, he was going to see a girl, you know, like it was, he's going to see a girl do an improv show. And he decides to invite my group of friends, that I liked it. This was after the Caltech alumni baseball game.

Yeah. So we were drinking in the stands already. Yes. Yeah. And those two bought a bottle of gin on the heat coach invites them to see a game that to see an improv show that a girl invited him to a girl that I think he was he was sweet on. Oh, yeah, he was he was feeling some kind of way. I mean, the guy's going to an improv show. Yeah, I'm a wanted improv shows are torture our torture. There's a reason you're there. And it's not because she was, he wasn't related to her.

So we can only assume one thing. Yeah. And he did not think she was funny. I'm sure she couldn't be. I don't think Coach thinks anything is funny. Those guys pick up a bottle of gin in a pavilions on the way to the improv show and drink it on the way to the Unbeknownst to because I drove over with coach in his old in his old Mercedes. So coach is doing coaches having a romcom and

And rock a man and to finish the giant or making animal house. Yeah, I'm doing fear and loathing in pavilion. Yeah. And the way I heard it was, they were heckling, they were drunk and heckling the entire improv show, the entire show. And to shut them up, the establishment in Santa Monica was giving them booze, like a baby with a bottle to get them to stop heckling.

So finally, rookie mistake. Finally, coaches, coaches sweetheart, whatever girl he was trying to impress, invites the giant, the finished giant onto the stage. Cause he goes,

oh, you think this is so funny? Why, you get up here and do it. Yeah. Of course, expectations are very low. Got shown up by a retard in a chair. So he gets up with a huge snotton his nose if I remember correctly, because she made a comment about it. He gets up, didn't care.

Slowly rolls his shirt up and then sticks his gut out like a, like a medicine ball. Yeah, because he's got some kind of like muscle, muscle tear. So he can unnaturally stick his gut out like a medicine ball. Yeah, because he's got some kind of muscle tear so he can unnaturally stick his gut out. Like a weird freak. And he's walking around the improv show. Onstage laughing. Yeah, I'm just standing there with the timing

that only with the preservation that only a drunk person can have. They can wait, how they can wait for a laugh all for the rest of their life. If you're a drug, you're getting that laugh. You can stand, sober guy can't wait for a laugh. Let's move on, let's move on. He's sitting there with medicine ball coming out of his gut,

ambling around, telling people to pat his stomach to see if he's pregnant so they can feel his baby kick. Yeah. She was pissed. Yeah, that was that cocklock coach for the rest of his life. I don't even know if he talked to her afterwards. I highly doubt it. I want to let's get the fuck out of here.

I'm trying to, I blocked out. Did we end up it? Did we, was that enough for that? You know, we went to Barney's being around. That's right. That's right. He kept, he wouldn't, he wouldn't sit in a chair. Yeah.

He kept pretending that he couldn't sit in chairs, because he was made of liquid. Yeah. Sliding out. Right. And about the last thing I remember, it struck out with his hands, what? He kept hitting up and saying, with the biggest cats with his hands. What? I can't get it. With a hitting up and saying, with the biggest smile on his face.

Yeah, what? What? These chairs don't work. There's something wrong with my chairs. The bouncer finally came over and grabbed him off the floor, like an a bear hug. Right. He's only about 130 pounds, right?

I mean, it's like he's a tiny guy. He's still being liquid. He's like when they throw that sloth across the street, you ever seen that video? Yes. That's his tiny guy. He's still being liquid. He's like when they throw that sloth across the street. You ever seen that video? Yes. That's his, that's his, yeah.

He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he Japanese establishment. So upscale, it's invite only.

You know, they've got right on the door, right when you walk in. It's just Benny Hanna. First of all, it's disguised. It's literally disguised as a... We're serious? Yeah. It's disguised in a strip mall with a crappy old teriyaki placard on it.

Like, it was an old teriyaki joint. Some of the best places are like that. What do you mean, fake? Well, they're in strip malls, they don't look like anything. Like, there's a bullshit restaurant in Hollywood called Kat Suya. That's not the real fucking Kat Suya. The real one is, that's not, no, they bought the rights to the name. That's what they did.

They bought the rights to the name and the menu, but it's enough. It's a, it's a, it's a, that's how telechain is ruined. It's a fucking meat, it's a meat market. That's what they did. And they bought the rights of the name in the menu, but it's enough. It's a, it's a, it's B.C. That's how tell chain is ruined. So it's a meat market. That's all it is for like Hollywood like, as always, training. Yeah. It's got a real reason in studio city and a fucking strip mall and it's fantastic. And you never know it from the outside. I didn't know that anyway. This is, this isn't, it's not like that. This is a old teriyaki store was bought out and this guy who's incredible, Chef put his restaurant in there, but to make it like a secret, he didn't bother changing anything on the outside.

It's in bite only. You got to get like his business car. It sounds, I mean, it sounds pretentious, but it's not because he's making a whole course. It's one, there's no menus. Yeah, yeah, it's just, this is what everyone's eating tonight, show up or don't, right? Mm-hmm. Really incredible.

So we show up and everyone's very respectable and we're sitting there, but Rockamann gets that one, that one glass of wine, and I'm that sentiment liquid town. Mm-hmm. He had a full, he had an over-poor of wine. It was like one of those, let's polish off the bottle, pours, so it's all, all the three quarters up.

And for some reason, when his speech goes, his hands get more animated, and he starts just putting on like a puppet show where he becomes apostrophos. Yeah. And it didn't even, he had something important to say. And he smacked his, he smacked his glass of wine so that it launched and exploded all over 80s girls top.

It's only on her. It's the red one. Like a cutie. Yeah, the meat. Own of red, just wreaking red, wreaking, and she's already the designated dress. So like it's already the worst.

She already asked a company with this non-sense, retelling old stories, jokes inside jokes that go nowhere. No other women to speak of. He watches a nearly full glass of wine directly on her. She just, everyone is stunned. She says, her son, she goes, huh, you know, I was just thinking that a year ago

was when Kaelin Hall smashed the drink into my face. And here we are a year later. I'm memorating that in a very short way. And it's so nice that nothing like that is happening right now, bam. Yeah. So, rock and man cost me 70 bucks, I guess, is the less than that. Because now I gotta buy, now I gotta obviously replace the shirt, right?

Yeah, well, you're not getting that out. The bill just climbs and climbs and climbs. Here we go, let's start the show. Presenting. 30-11-20. Oh, we've been doing it. Yeah! Welcome to the day you want to do, you need to do, you got it. It's the show!

We're everything in contest. Come to your life from Mount Bunker deep in the Hota City of Failure, I'm your host dick, Masha. Hey K, hey, the $20 million man, photo-america's best wing man. America's best Mexican 30 weeks running with me is always his LA-based comedian. Sean the audio engineer.

Hello, DIG, what's up buddy? Got, I got some kind of a crazy meat hangover. Yeah? I got meat spins, I was having meat dreams last night. Nothing to do with the God, I got some kind of a crazy meat hangover. Yeah. I got meat spins. I was having meat dreams last night. Nothing to do with the one, I guess. Nothing to do. It's the meat.

It's the nitrates or what? There is a safe amount of meat that you can eat as a man, but you cross that threshold and you become one with the meat that you're eating. You become some kind of a creature like that talking dumpster pile and fraggle rock that's just all made out of meat. You're oozing meat from every pores.

Oh, I woke up, I woke up in bed this morning and 80s girl is breathing through her mouth. She said, what's wrong? What's wrong with you? She's like, I can't take this meat, this stench of meat, delicious meat anymore. Get out of here, go outside. She's too much meat. Way too much. She said delicious meat anymore. Get out of here, go outside. She's too much meat.

Way too much. She said delicious meat. Well, I'm adding that. No, she's saying delicious. She's shaking her head vehemently. God, I feel like I don't have, like there's nothing in me anymore. It's just meat.

I feel like there's just flesh and meat crammed inside of me. Tallow coming out of your pores. I am sweating meat. Mortified, Erica's coming in to read the news and she's gonna walk into a butcher shop down here, a digesting butcher shop, like a horror movie. It's gonna be disgusting.

Hey everybody, what's up? She'll be like, ooh, carne asada. Yeah. All right, we're gonna talk about, see, here comes, this is the meat, that's a meat burp. That's a meat burp. That's a meat burp. All different kinds of meat, because you were at a,

it was beautiful, it was every cut of the cow going back from all the tenderest chops, like a tour of meat, face. Oh, jeez. Every part of the, they had an eyebrow muscle, eyelid muscle, muscles you didn't even, ear meat, face, every part of the, they had an eyebrow muscle, eyelid muscle, muscles, you didn't even hear meat, right? They kinda meat. Only cows that wiggle their ears a certain way. Yeah, get the ones, get out of here, get out of here.

Okay, my slurring machine is a huge hit that I invented last week. Slurring machine. Yeah, my enigma slurring and coating machine. Oh yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Yeah, my enigma slurring and coding machine. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. That kind of slur. It took off.

It took off big time. Let me say it's slurmaschine.fun. And you can go there to see what the slurds of Lumberman, the Lumberman is a slurring word for today. Matter. Oh, God. Matter, mathematics. Uh, ma'am, I can't even read that.

No, you can't read any of this. It's a beautiful, let me tell you something. Dome Pesos made a video of him using the enigma slurring machine that I invented and that I don't know if the guy who actually coated it wants me to say his name. Wait, Dome Pesos was using this. Well, he only needs one word.

You'd think so, but the man is able to use a primary palette in amazing ways. He uses all the words. He recorded himself using it on, oh, calling Obama something that I'd have to look consult the dictionary to see what he, the story of a machine. Yeah.

You put in the word, I can guess. You put in the word, you put in the word you want and it tells you what the word is that you have to use that day. And then you can go to the machine You put in the word, you put in the word you want and it tells you what the word is that you have to use that day. And then you can go to the machine and plug in the word you were called and the day you were called it and it will tell you what you're called.

It's so simple. It's so simple what I've developed but it's the most brilliant and world-changing and I think I have cracked, I have beaten censorship. Yeah, people are gonna have to go out of their way to really get offended then. They have to gotta do some work. Yes, but it's so satisfying to call someone a keyboard!

You know, you know what is in his in your mind. It's so satisfying. There's no swapping work involved. It's just good old fashion slurs and epithets that we've got going forward. I don't see keys in there. It's not on there. Okay.

A morphology. Tomorrow. A moron. Oh, that's interesting. That's an interesting swab. Oh. So there you go. It's fantastic.

It's only got people are wanting to build browser extensions for it to do it automatically. Oh my God. And then you're just sitting there on the other end getting called a, getting called a luggage. Getting called luggage. What's the, yeah. Right? Let's see what else I got here.

Um, I don't care about that anymore. Me neither. Yeah. Uh, no, I do care about the slurring machine. I don't care about this other thing. No, no, I know. I know. I always with you.

I got Tetris brain big time badly. That's really making me a rage. Tetris brain. I have got a massive, a massive Tetris brain problem going on right now because I've been playing way too much Tetris 99 up until the wee hours of the morning trying to beat the squiggly named fucks from the whole nation of Japan against me. I can't see. At four in the morning where I'm just one man fighting from America to try to keep our

Tetris on her up. But I can't even, it's so bad, I can't even arrange things straightly on a desk or in the closet because I think that they're going to disappear. Like I'm expecting everything to arrive in a jagged shape. Now I'm driving, I can't see anything other than in Tetris terms. It's taking me back to the early 90s. What do you do on curved roads? I just drive straight off the cliff.

I drive and I stop and I turn at 90 degrees. Right. And then I turn and then I turn to the left at 90 degrees, going like that. I need something to suck it out of me big time. I don't know where you suck out Tetris brain or how hard you have to suck to get it out. But I'm willing to experiment. I'm willing to let someone else experiment to see what it takes. It's striving me.

Even looking at you, I just see a long, a four long block. Right. Just sitting there. I'm picturing in my mind. I'm picturing a little square block screaming into a microphone and you along block just sitting there and I want, you're like a juicy cartoon steak. I just want to cram you into an area that I've been constructing to fuck over other Tetris people. Get some help for that.

I do need some help for that. Let's see what else makes me arrange this week. Robocallers. Oh yeah, sure. I'm gonna reach this week. Robocallers. Oh yeah, sure. Yeah, I read an article that the surprise me because I thought we actually had made some progress with these Robocalling pricks.

Oh yeah. Yeah, you remember when they had a do not call list and you just pat it itself on the back about how we're gonna stop this scourge of Robocalling? I thought it was just me experiencing this, but I will go, I'll get 20 calls in a day. Me too. And answered none of them. Yeah, I mean, can't answer anymore. I get a call from a chow chilla. Where the fuck is that? Really? Oh yeah. Everywhere. They have totally ruined phones.

The Robo calls are out of fucking control. They have totally destroyed and made useless this shitty tweet shitting device. It's now just, it's just for browsing Reddit while taking a shit now, because Robo collars have rendered phones totally worthless. Sucks. And it's increased so I saw a book. I really do get probably at least 10 a day.

Dude, it's all fucking day. And every single time I get my hopes up thinking that somebody wants to talk to me, or there's something exciting happening, or maybe something bad happening to somebody that I don't like. And I, oh, awesome here. Oh, again, it's the same. It's a different fucking number every time.

It's always, it's in a place where I'm from that I never tried. They're trying to, the first a lot of area codes, yeah. Every single fucking time, answer it. Hello, oh, how this is our last, this is all our final call to reduce your student loans. Like, I don't have any student loans.

Fuck you, man. Yeah. Can't anybody do anything about this? Why am I seeing an ad for anything else about my cell phone other than we're gonna find the robo call people and we're gonna kill them on TV. That's our dedication to you, as Verizon Wireless, we've hired the hardest, toughest, black waterest motherfuckers from Halliburton who are going to track these people down because we know it's all using our lines that we're subjecting you to with this. It's using our fucking equipment that we run ostensibly as a duopoly with one other company.

We will find these people and we will fucking kill them. Upgrade your plan today. Donate a dollar if you would like us to assemble an elite task force and a paramilitary and extra legal task force to find the robocollars and kill their fucking families. Come on, don't think I'm my dog. You got a dog sign me the fuck up. I hate it.

You tell me when to stop. Yep, hate it, fucking hate it. Are you a bad enough dude to find the people making these robo calls and hang them up by their dicks on the highest flag bowl and wherever. How does any of the whole country they're from? How does that work? I mean, like does anybody, they're just an annoyance.

Nobody uses any of those services, right? Like, what are the, what's the return on those? Five point five billion robot calls in March. Oh, yeah. You know, see the graph? It's like, you know, it's like probably like four fifths of people on the planet. Yeah, every person on the, and of course it's just going to, you know, here it is. It's epic, so status epidemic. Holy shit. This is a fucking national emergency. If Trump thinks the border is a national emergency, the fucking robot calling is a 10 times

national emergency built in the United States as a 10 times national emergency. Built in the United States alone and what, what, in March of 2019? It's one month, Sean, that's incredible. It is insane and I didn't even, I didn't think there were enough hours in the day. I didn't even think, I thought it was just happening to me because like my number is out there,

I'm not very careful with my privacy and shit. Yeah. Until I read this article on Apple news or some shit like that, that it doesn't fucking matter. That the FCC has find Robo Collars $2.8 million. It's collected $6,000. Whoa. Whoa. The FCC. Yeah. Because this is a link who's collected $6,000. The government. Oh. The government has collected six grams. You know, the same organization that's supposed to save net neutrality has failed to debt $200 million that they're owed by these fucks ruining every moment of these fucks flooding

the US with five and a half, but Billion calls a month. Did you say two million first? It's $200 million. $200 million. Okay. $200 million in fines. Because it's illegal what they're doing. It's collected $6,790. Efficiency.

Good work. That's how much it's collected. $6,000. This is how worthless this organization and attempts are. Jesus Christ. What is this? It's 22 spam calls. organization and attempts are Jesus Christ. What is this? It's 22 spam calls.

They really do drive me fucking up. Every person a month. So I think I'm getting, oh, I get more way more than that. A day. Oh, what, I think you can't do a day right? Did you say 22 a month?

This thing says 22 a month, but that can't be right. No, that can't be right. Five that would not add up to that. Billion divided by 140 million. What? Well, how many adults there are? Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah. That's 40 calls a month.

I'm 100% sure I get more than that. Oh, no, absolutely I do. It's driving me insane and you can't even fuck them. You can't fuck with them anymore. Because of my stunts, when I say, yeah, connect me to an operator, I can't wait to talk. And then I talk about Pean Weeners, Dean. And hey, let me ask you something.

Do you shit in the street? Right. Over there, where you're talking to me from and fucking the alabaster Texas or whatever they told you to tell you, tell people that you're from and you're thinking, oh, hello, I'm from, I'm from, I'm from Dallas, Texas. Yeah. I love Tony Romo. Yeah.

Oh, really? Yeah. You love Tony Romo, huh? Yeah. It's the rib place, no? Yes. Do you shit in the street over there in Dallas, Texas? Oh, fuck you. And then they put you on a,

no, don't call this guy list. They put your number on a do not call list. So then every time I get a call and say connect me, they just dump me because they know I'm calling to fuck with them. This is the system that we're in. And it's all- Like this guy's trouble, put him on a block list.

It's all AT&T and Verizon. It's all the telecom companies fault because they do the same fucking thing. Calling me up, hey, do you stream in your house? Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you idiot! Don't ever fucking call me again, puppy! I gotta stream for ya. I'm hoping you're milk. Put me on a list of all the numbers that you have

and then delete the whole fucking thing. No. You piece of shit. I don't know what will stop it either. I think a l-I-I-I swear to you, I think a lawsuit is in order for every two seconds of time that it takes me to look at my phone, see that it's not a contact in my phone,

and put it down. Yeah, I, that's five billion times two, what is that? Five billion times two seconds, that's 10 billion seconds. And they're the ones that are local, because I get a six, six, one, and eight, one, eight, and like a three, two, three, and you know, all the area codes three

when I'll in and around Los Angeles that is that's three million hours let me see here I get that's three million hours times the federal minimum wage yeah of eight dollars that's that's that's not enough that's fifteen million that's not enough. That's 15 million, that's 15 million dollars in time that they owe everybody and 10 trillion dollars in getting my hopes up of getting a nice person to call me and talk to me about something funny. Yeah, yeah. I get between, I would say like thinking back,

I get four to eight a day. Yeah, probably never, never fewer than four. I may have gotten like 10 every once-row Same number to call three times in a row like back to back to back to back that's happened before Yeah, let's see what else what else I got here Um, I do want to talk about taxes. Oh, yeah, yeah, I've got the only way I can get out of Tetris Brain is by researching the taxes or taxes brain. Yeah. Okay.

But I'm too worked up. I don't want to get to that. That's what what else makes me rich. I watched this documentary called Free Solo. You heard about this, Sean? You heard about this. I have not. You heard about this?

No. It's a guy that free climbs El Capitan. Was that? Yeah. You know, somebody? Yeah, it was real. The climb was gripping as hell. Wow.

Watching this dude climb like whatever for three and a half hours, leaping onto like like legends. for three and a half hours, leaping onto the tree climbers. It was funny, they did a moment in the scene in the documentary where they analyzed his brain for fear, for his like a McNillar or whatever. Did you say analyzed? They analyzed his brain.

They stuck a probe up his ass and analyzed his brain to see if his amygdala was functioning. Yeah, and why? Because like a fear thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it wasn't. Yeah.

What do you know? Yeah. It was funny seeing him get the news because you could tell it's like, oh, you have a, you have an advantage over everyone. Well, they do. They do not, that you need to be aware of. Well, they do think that fearlessness is a, in large part, genetic, you're not that you need to be aware of. Well, they do think that fearlessness is a large part genetic. You know, that I hundred of how could it, how could it not be?

Right. How could it not be? Yeah. So, but the thing that, the thing that fucking annoyed me right from the outset that I've, that I hear in every single one of these daredevil extremists, movies is, are you ever worried that you could die up there? And what do they say? You could die crossing a street. You could die for a street.

You could die any day. You could get hit with a slag-type to frozen shit at a truly faulty logic. Okay, I'm just gonna turn it off then. I mean, I'm doing just as much as this free climbing daredevil I could die I could have a heart attack in the middle of the show. I'm just as brave. It's just as it's just a sensational You stupid you stupid always say the same thing just say just say yeah, it's of course. It's crazy It's wild that I'm doing it. It's a fucking fire engine going down. It's a thrill. Yeah, it's all I it is an addiction to thrill

That I subject my friends and family. It loved ones do because I don't feel alive in any other way. Yes, yes, I'm flaunting death and mocking death. Yeah. Oh, you could die. You could die crossing the street, get a nice cream. Yeah, she'd peg.

Yeah, I could die. I could take a wrong turn in the dodge. A fat woman could sit on me. A fat woman could mistake me of saying it for a sandwich while I'm getting your new pair of shoes. I hated, I hated so much. And they start every interview with a dare devil with one of these thrill. You see, I got it right away.

Everybody's heard this. Yeah. I don't know if that's just me. No, if that's a man thing. It's annoying. It's annoying. Oh yeah. Wow, wow. this guy's gonna climb a mountain with no robes, cool.

I can't wait to hear what he has to say about dealing with it and like, how do you explain, how do you justify to yourself that you're fucking with everybody in your life to do something that's totally pointless and maybe like inspiring for people who are not part of it and probably we could just make up a story that says it's inspiring as this

and it doesn't have to actually, like you're not really doing anything. You're not doing anything. You just need it to live. Well, just if I justify it, because we could die any day. Anybody could die at any moment. Okay.

Yeah, good luck then. Yeah, they have fun with that. You're so much better than me that you can't even admit it. Yeah, whatever your way is of just equalizing all risk in life. You know, all risk is exactly the same. It's exactly the same. Yeah.

You know, good day any day. Yeah. Doing anything. You can just wake up and be dead. Yeah. Um, and then pairing that with the realization that his brain doesn't produce fear, is like, oh, see, you asshole, it's not.

I know that you know what their point is. That made me rage. All right, let's talk about taxes. I don't even know where to start with income taxes. Tax time. Yay. That's what it should be. Yeah, that's what should be the response.

You go to, you go to GoFundMe? Guy wrote me this week saying that his buddy, whose listener, his mom's house burned down. And he lives with his mom. So, their house burned down. And he sends me the GoFundMe link. And I said, oh man, I put in 20 bucks here. Yeah.

You know, this is, this is a feel good. This is how good is a feel to help your fellow man who happens to, you happen to have a random association with everybody. Everybody does it. Everybody has it in them to help each other out. I really, I really believe that. And it feels good. You go through the catalog of GoFundMe's and you will see people jubulently, jubulently donating money to help other people out, eat with things with things that are valid. Somebody's got cancer and things that are preposterous.

Not sure. Things that are absolutely preposterous, help me get my dog to a dog show. My dog died. I want to, the corpse exhibit. I want a corpse class. I want to stuff it and turn it into a coat. So it's always, it's head is always

perched next to me. Right. And I need a taxidermy. How to tax a derby. I'm not a small child just like in life. Help me lose, help me lose weight by not, yeah. Photoshop all my pictures. So I'm not a big fat fuck. There you go. Donate today. That's today. That's today. Yeah. Initiatives that are orders of magnitude, dumber than what we blow tax money on. Yes, or people celebrating to throw their money away on it. This should be exactly the same. It should be exactly the same for taxes. Everybody getting together, hey, we're going to help, we're're gonna help a bunch of sick people. We're gonna help a bunch of old people.

We're gonna help a bunch of whatever, kids who can't eat. We're gonna educate the fuck out of these stupid assholes with our money. We're gonna try it in, but it is not like that. It is so paying taxes, is so poisonous and toxic that they put electing the people running how we spend the taxes as far away from doing it as possible. And this is so

morally bankrupt that I don't even know how to untangle it anymore. Yeah, you don't have any, you have no ability to direct how your taxes are spent. Or anything like that. So that's unisolated. It's on the calendar equivalent of the dark side of the fucking moon elections. November, taxes, April. Well, if they haven't forgotten about it by then, there we have no other,

we're just gonna have to start adding months to the calendar to put distance between them. We're gonna have to push the earth out by Mars. So people forget about how raped they're getting every year. I got some, I did bring some stats in on it because there's so much about it that makes me rage. But the complexity of it, I think, has made it impossible to have, you've got two memes that I think people

have built in their minds to account for this pervasive feeling of getting raped. Okay. It is the taxation as theft meme and the pay your fair share meme. Both are equally retarded. Wait, what's the word for retarded on the slur machine? Hold on, I don't want to say retarded.

Both are equally micro lending. You've got two very distinct sets of people trying to grapple with the fact that they know deep down they're being massively defrauded and fucked over. At a level they probably can't even understand if it's put under a microscope. And they're all more than you think. And it's worse than you fucking think. I wanted to start with just the, just the one simple,

one simple, one simple belief that people should be working as much as they can, right? If we're going to tax anything, we're activity and income, personal income tax is the worst one to ever tax. And it is the most fucked. It is the worst biggest one, but we should be pushing as hard as possible for these people every hour that you spend out of your house doing anything no matter how stupid it is, even if you're sitting in a coffee shop, working on a screenplay about how you threw your life

of a way over a woman. Even that is still labor that's driving something. And it's still labor that we, it's still something that's driving something and the it's still it's still labor that we it's still something that's driving something in the economy And it's the first place we go to fuck each other over for taxes Secondly You got the payroll tax. Oh, yeah, which is basically like saying which never get some mention But it is abd it is we're dealing're dealing with this in this state right now. What is?

So, I've had to incorporate. Whoa, whoa, whoa, mixed a big shot. I'll be here. Well, no, because it's incorporated. It's for a long time, basically studios have run like on the permalamps, you know, system. You get 1099, all that kind of stuff. They're able to not hire you as an employee,

not give you healthcare, that kind of stuff. It should be like it's been for a long time. Well, now the EDD is basically doing a shakedown. It's a shakedown, they want the company's payroll tax. So they say, hey, you've got to hire all these people as employees. Yeah. And then they go, well, now you got a fucking incorporate. Yeah. It's more people, as many people as don't understand how marginal tax rates work, that like they increase with, and you don't pay the new rate on the old stuff. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Right. I guarantee you way, way, way more. Don't understand that you get, let me read you, let me read you the actual amount for a guy making 55,000 a year. He's paying a guy making 55,000 a year. He's paying 16 grand in taxes, eight, eight in income tax, eight in four in payroll tax,

and then an additional four in employer matched payroll tax, which is so quintessentially deceptive, the way they phrase it, that it's the employer paying it, it's your money. Yeah, yeah. It's not their money that they're paying on your behalf, it's money that they have allotted because of you. It belongs to you. It's exactly the fucking same.

It's exactly the same as an income tax. Exactly the same. All of it is the same, but they whittle, it's like the airlines always trying to hide their fees where they can throw out here This this plane this plane ticket costs you three hundred bucks But as you go we're gonna add fifty bucks to it until it's the actual cost that you're willing to bat that you're willing to bear For the ticket right so same fucking let's we're gonna find the maximum amount of way and Subterfuse that we can use to hit you with an income tax

that is that will and every level every every uh every level of obfuscation will whittle down some people who are too stupid to understand or don't have the time to and yeah every single layer it's such a fucking scam. 4k payroll tax and 4K matched in payroll tax. Let me see here. I have the actual numbers too. I don't know if you're interested in that. Sure, according to a recent survey,

because I'm usually horrified. Yes, yeah, I think there are a little bit interesting. Average American pays 10 grand in tax. Let me pull these up. Okay, here, tell me if this lines up with what you think. We've got the one percenters, right? Uh-huh. You know who they are. We've got the top 5%, the top 10%, the top 25%, the top 50%.

The one percenters are paying, the average tax rates 26%. You find some, they're paying 37% of the total tax rates. The top 50, okay, here's one that I thought was surprising. The bottom 50% of people in America are paying 3% of the total income tax. Sure. What makes sense? of the total income tax. Mm-hmm. Sure. What makes sense?

As it just meered, is that seem massively unfair? That the bottom half of the country have to scrounge together a pittance of 3% to give to a system that has massively failed them. Yeah.

If you're behind the, if you're behind the bell curve, that number should be morally. Like if we're talking about fairness, and I don't think even the hard, most hardcore libertarians would disagree with fundamentally the idea that people are doing worse than everybody else,

shouldn't really have to put in, we'll be fine without that 3%. Like just the straight one. The gut is not maybe not worth it. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, fucking eaking out in existence, just to put a drop of piss in the pot. Yeah, maybe that's a little bit fucked up. Yeah, that the bottom, oh thanks 50%.

That's so cute. It's like making a kid pitch in so like well just right you can't afford dinner right why don't you just pay a little bit yeah once you just pay two dollars but I only have five in the whole world well yeah then you got three left yeah isn't that you're paying your fair share like it's these it's the memes that are created around what is a dysfunctional system to me that I find the most fascinating about it. Let me see if I've got any other stats on it. Yeah, income split. Oh, here was the other stats I wanted to bring in. Here's how it breaks down. And here's the most, here

is the most most infuriating part of taxes. The income tax, we all understand is evil. Does anybody not think that the taxing people on their labor, which they have to do, have to do every day, is that if we're going to tax things, that should be the very last thing. Living in human and working should be the absolute very last thing that gets taxed. Yeah, right. But after goods or any of that, after selling something, after benefiting from, after benefiting from the world, that is fueled by taxes, the very last thing,

because no matter where you are in the world, you got to get up every day and bust your ass. What you can't do is be a gigantic court, like you can't be an apple anywhere in the world. No, you can't be a gigantic, you can't be UPS anywhere in the world and uses a free set of free set of distribution channels provided to you by Uncle Sam. You can't do those things. You're benefiting the most. This is why I thought it was most most aggravating. The money is spent 15% of tax to spend on defense, 24% on social security. Now again, I'm going to say, uh, being libertarian is cool and all, but in your mind, in your

heart, if you hear that much money is spent on social security and you picture who it's going to, I don't really, I don't have all that big of a problem with it I know who it's going to oh I know they're they need it. They can't do anything. They can't learn they can't service society anymore. It's just the way it is Medicaid Again massively corrupt and terrible reform the whole thing but 26% Again, massively corrupt and terrible reform the whole thing, but 26% safety net services, 9% probably, I probably feel the good about that one for safety net, like women, childrens,

of people who need safety net programs. 10% seems totally reasonable, right? For the total amount of taxation to go to safety nets. Yeah, I never thought about that because that was the first I've heard that percentage, but I mean, it went, the total tax seems like it would be, seems like it would be, I don't know how many people need it. Well, it lines up with like, don't the Mormons say

you have to donate 10% of your income? Yeah, that's like a tithing thing. Yeah, it seems like something human, it seems like something in the human mind. Obviously taxation is the, that's the excuse me. Now here's the killer. 7% is spent on interest to the debt.

Let me tell you what that figure means. That is 7% of everybody's money, every year going directly to the federal reserve to pay for the money that we've given them the charter to print and give to us. It is that 7% is taking wealth out of the country and giving it to a consortium of private banks and entities that we will never see again. It's taking 7% out of the country every year from your labor, every, every, every, every 3% from bro, 7% of 3% from the very poorest, 20s, a quarter of a percent from the 1% of the very top and giving it to a cabal of bankers who tricked the, who tricked the country and colluded into creating a private entity for the sole purpose

of printing money and artificially, artificially establishing a boom and bust cycle of rate of rate cranking. Every rates go down with no strings that control that control 100% not only not only the amount that money costs you, but the amount of money in the consideration. Yeah. You want to fuck you want to fuck over people? Yeah. Just take out 10% of the currency. Now suddenly, now suddenly, just raise the reserve requirements.

It is, it is that, that number alone. I don't give a fuck what the rate is. I don't give a fuck who's making what? But that number alone, the 7% of interest on the debt that is ours. People always talk about paying off the national debt, but that's the wealth of the country is the fucking debt. It cannot be paid off.

But can't understand it. We're dealing with the payroll tax that's paid by your employer. How the fuck are you gonna explain that seven percent of the entire wealth of the country is going to a bunch of goddamn bankers? Yeah. That's taxes for you. Yeah, I guess.

I don't know. Maybe it's not funny enough, but it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the fucking interest payments that's the theft. It is the, it is, it is flat out theft. The government could print their own money, buy all the shit they want, and control, and control the supply money. If eventually a president, I've promised you this, is going to make it, is going to make it so that you have to pay your income tax in some kind of US backed cryptocurrency and that will be the end of the banks. I promise you that.

And that is, and that and that only will be the end of the banks. Man, but can the president, can a president have that kind of pull in this system? That's the thing. I don't know. But we have been warring with the Federal Reserve. We've been warring with the control of who prints money for thousands of years. It's why Caesar was murdered all the way back.

That's all there is. I don't want to get into a fractional reserve, you know, Lenny, but there you go. There you go. Let me see. Tony from Hack the Movies. Let me see if he's here. Maybe we can live and things up a little bit.

Jesus Christ. NFHC Dylan from the Not for Human Consumption podcast calling any fuck to Midget. Oh, phenomenal. I don't know. Is it interesting? Do they pay a lower tax rate? Midgets.

Sorry. Wait, I think that's a slur. Punch myself for that. Hold on, let me. Midget is not, yeah, that's, that is a slur. Let me do the slur machine. Oh, the slur machine, the slur machine says, Midget is not bad, it's bad, man.

No, it's, you gotta fix that, it's the slur machine. They don't, yeah, that's, it's not so bad that you can't say it in reference to it being bad. You know what I mean? Like it's like, yeah, yeah, you don't have to say the M word. Yeah.

Right. I don't see what's different about my slur machine versus people saying the N word. Like you're saying, Well, we talked about this last thing. No, yeah, you know what the word is in your head. Everybody's saying it to themselves. I mean, it's,

All right, I'm gonna play a song. This is, this is called Advent Calendar. This is by, this is by L.A. Arson. He's got a new album out called Pail Summer. Cool. Yeah, it was out on, it was out on Friday.

This is Advent Calendar. You remember I was talking about the Advent Calendar? Yes. I don't know, man, Am I getting too far into taxes? It's like this is, no, I mean, literally the extraction of the wealth of your labor being given to a bunch of fucking bankers. Like I like these shows.

I like these shows. Out of their homes and their fucking pajamas and hung. Hanged. Yeah, hung. Which one is it? You know what? They were hanged. I knew this too. Like I knew this. Is hung active? Oh know what? They were hand. I knew this too.

Like, I knew this. Is hung active? Oh, you said it's no good. I think so is no good. I'm almost sure that somebody was hanged. Yeah. Like, you understand that a bank can lend out more money than it has and that's a felony for you to do that.

Yeah. The old good for good for them, good for you. No, I like these shows. And some people will probably have for problem, you know, with a day, oh, it's too serious. Like I tune in, but it's like, no, it's educational and you should always, somebody once told me they said, you should always question authority.

Always question authority. Find out, figure out the motives. Well, it's interesting to me because we've got people squabbling about both sides and I don't think they really understand what they're squabbling about. Like it's not, this is what I say when we're not in the club. You know what I mean? You mean you and me?

I mean, yeah, everybody who goes out and interacts with each other on a daily basis, the most extreme liberal, the most extreme conservative, we're in the same fucking pool. Yeah. Abraham Lincoln tried to abolish. Well, it was, it was, Andrew Jackson abolished it. Yeah, like any almost killed him.

He was like a Trump of his day. Finally did it. And then during the Civil War, they managed to weasel their way back in. Abraham Lincoln did what I was saying, which is just make produce money. Yeah. Produce greenbacks and then pay soldiers and money that you printed. It's obviously has value because you say it has value. Right.

There are hundreds of different currencies going on around the time of the Civil War, though. That was the original, that was the original, the secret service was to regulate that, was to keep the integrity of whatever money was out there. It sounds stupid when I say that the government should only take a government cryptocurrency to pay their money, but I fucking promise you, it will happen. It will happen or else everybody in the future is going to be poor. Because that 7% wealth, that is literally 7% being extracted every year.

There will be a year when we cannot keep up with it. As in the more and more it happens, the less and less value we'll have will be paying. They'll pull so much money out of the system, like the Federal Reserve will pull so much money out of the system that they will be able to just control, they will control the discord and the discontent into producing, into political gain. I think it's the only thing that can stop it, cryptocurrency, paying your taxes. Anyway, here's Advent calendar. Eliarsson.

One day, going to move to Greenland and quit. Life's a 365, that's a calendar of shit. People's draws, a shit my dad's draws, Article 13, passing new copyright laws. Sir, you're depriving JC of money. We ain't in words in Paris, buddy. Virgins versus thoughts, learning robots. going to Vegas, sleeping on cops, got back pain, stuck my toe, a dead Michael Jackson gets accusered being a pet on HBO, Lassie Coli, a kid says you has a clap card to be drugsy while dancing on your lap.

Fake hate crimes, buskers on the street, every girlfriend's parents that you've ever had to meet. First popcorn today. I'm Huff Curls tomorrow. No more drugs left to drown your sorrow. If you have a problem sunny, wait, haven't fun. Here's a solution. Buy a bullet, rent a gun. Jesus. Life's a 65-a-van calendar. Shit. Life's a 365-a-van calendar of shit. No healthcare, baby boomers are swear. Millennials complaining, everything is unfair. There's a chatty Uber driver on this ride. And search pricing to start an appline. Expensive liquor in every major city bar.

The entire concept of a self-driving car. Fork or April Fool's pranks. I don't want your brand making memes dank. Eurgh. I don't want your brand making memes dank. Uh, an average fried buying a cart? Holy shit. I'm done. Fuck you. That was fucking cool.

That was great. LA was in. Perhaps I've got an advice question. This is from, uh, Cameraman, might be Cameron, and I mistyped it. Just looking for some advice on a soon-to-be-married coworker, we have known each other for quite a while now, but lately things have been taking a flirty edge between us. Our personalities seem to gel very well, and I think there's a lot of mutual attraction. She is very petite, but with

melonsized cans. The downside is that she is due to be married later this year and already has a daughter with that guy. Oh, God. That said, I think there is a lot of interest from her side. She moved our conversations to Snapchat after the fiancé started reading our messages and starting fights with her about them. She admitted to me today via Snapchat that she had a dream about us going home from a work function together and us waking up, naked. Oh my God. Can you believe this other poor guy? Cuck. Bada!

However, despite this, I just can't seem to figure out how to tip things over the edge to make this guy a cuckold. Do you have any, no, that wouldn't be cuckold. Do you have any advice for how to not drop the ball one meter before the goal line? Thanks in advance. Looking forward to seeing you in Sydney and go fuck yourself. What do you think? Well, it sounds like it sounds like he's walking toward the goal and

she's behind him pushing him over the fucking goal line, doesn't it? Sounds like he's playing, he sounds like he's playing the wrong sport. He's already in. Yeah, right. He's spectating. Other guys doing all the work. Yeah, I guess, ah, God. Just make a move, dude. Right, the hell you, no, that's the only thing left.

She's in Snapchat. She's talking about dreams about waking up with you and stuff like that. Like, like, oh, that's the only thing left to do is. I guess it kind of depends what you do. Like if you're, no, she, she's going, okay, so they have work functions. God, what a snake.

You cannot trust women at all. Sean, this is what they're doing. They got a, she's got a kid on this guy. Like a snapchatting away. Yeah. You're gonna, you get married, you got it. And they're gonna get Fucking snap chatting away. Yeah, yeah. You get married, you got it. And they're gonna get married like that's the. Yeah.

Man, there's if Apple ever invented some kind of like dual phone function, where you both had the same phone, you know what I'm like a clone of phone function and you get married and your phones. If that becomes tradition. Oh my God. We're fucked. Yo God. Yeah, man, how are you not? How are you not taking advantage of this? What do you, what the hell do you need? That happens. He's got a difficulty. Guarantee

you, you can quantify the amount of a rate increase in suicide. There is. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Oh, that would be a nightmare, but you know guys would do it. That's the problem. Guys would, guys would willingly sign up to share their phones,

to share their phones with their girlfriend or wife. Like hit a button to link your, to clone your phone and you both have access to the exact same phone on two different Devices with all the text, all the everything else, you know guys would sign up for that. Hey, Dick, I'm looking for some bodybuilding advice. I'm 21 and You know what? Just invite that check out to discuss a work project, right? Whatever. Yeah, I think he's writing as he feels bad. Yeah, yeah, it could be. I think that's, I think your conscience is stopping you conscience, right? Conscience. Yeah,

conscience. Conscience. I think your conscience is, I think your chimney cricket is stopping you and you just got to kill that man. Right. It's got to swallow it. You got to drink it away. Hey, Deck, I'm looking for some bodybuilding advice. You got to drink it away. Hey, Dick, I'm looking for some bodybuilding advice. Meet. Oh, you should have sent this back in time. Meet and wine. I'm 21 and made some solid gains this bulking season and I'm wondering if it's worth cutting.

21. Yep. I've heard a bunch of girls say they don't care about abs, but that just sounds like BS. If they see them, then they're like, whoa. I don't think they care about abs. Not until they see them, then they're like, whoa. I don't think they care about abs. Not until they see them.

I think abs are for men like eyebrows are for women. Abs are only other men appreciate abs. You think so? Yeah, I think so. I don't think girls have seen about abs. I've seen girls fawn over abs. Really? Yeah.

My motivation is pretty much to make some ex-girlfriend's jealous and to get the attention of some hotter girls by being more fuckable. Obviously, I don't like the idea of being weaker and hungry, but I feel like it could be worth it. I'm not fat or anything, but I think it would be cool to be shredded at least once in my life. Any experience or knowledge you have is greatly appreciated. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Just get some steroids. If you really want to abs that bad, just get on some steroids, they'll dehydrate the shit out of you, right? Just for a little bit, a little tiny bit of steroids.

I don't think, I don't, no steroids, I've listened to people on this, dude, steroids are kind of rampant. But not, yeah. Like people are, like people who are going to the gym for like the first time are kind of, it's kind of just like an open, it's kind of, hello, hello, Erica, hello,

I love to see you again. It's kind of just, it's up to train of Sean's thoughts. It's tracked. It's kind of, I saw two women over there. It's kind of an open, it's your abs out. It's kind of an open secret.

I wish I had them. People go like, yeah, you just don't, you don't turn into one of these fucking monsters, but yeah. People go like, yeah, you just don't, you don't turn into one of these fucking monsters. But yeah, it's like, that's the thing. People are just now coming around to the, to the fact that like Hollywood actors might be doing it. Oh, yeah. Oh, you fucking think so. I've gone on off of this before. Yeah. Of course, they're fucking doing it. They got to do it. It's like, what do you think they're in the gym? 12 hours a day and eating fucking exactly that and not doing that. No one fucking doing it. They got to do it. It's like, what do you think they're in the gym? 12 hours a day and eating fucking exactly that.

And not doing that. No one is doing that. No one is doing that. Why would they risk it? Of course it hasn't. Right. By the way, you're doing steroids, right? Yeah.

You take a cycle of fucking steroids. They call it something different and they're too stupid to know what they're doing. Yeah, you know, wow, this minimal, minimal health risk for a little bit for a role. And then you get fat chris prat to ripped chris prat. I mean, figure, do the steroids, get the abs, and then figure out if it's worth it to work to keep them. That sounds sensible, right?

You're just bringing an experiment. Yeah, get a hat, fit it, go up a size, and then when your head gets too big for the hat, stop doing the steroids. Yes. You don't want to go berry bonds. You don't want to look like Joe Rogan. Yeah. You see in his ass?

Joe Rogan, yeah. I hadn't watched him in years. I watched him for the... I don't know if he's... I wonder if he's doing... Royds. I know he's like... He does all kinds of...

He's one of the kinds of doing that on the show. Yeah. I mean, there's so many like, you know, he probably, Andrew, I mean, I guess they're all kind of CRT. Are you on that? I think you look like you're on TRT. No, are you not on testosterone? No, why would you be?

Because you're so massive and masculine, massive and masculine. Yeah. And you're getting older too. Would you jump on TRTs? I think yeah, I had TRTs right now. Would you do them? Sure. Would you jump on TRTs? I think, yeah. I had TRTs right now, would you do them? Sure. How many do I have to do?

No, no. No, you, I don't know, but it's like, there's a layer of, there's kind of a layer of fat over everything I have now, so I look bigger. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's kind of, you know, but without getting too fat. I have fat.

I had one of those, but I, I wanted to protect it, so I put an additional layer of fat over it. Well, that's good. For protection. Yeah, that's good. For protection. It's like the rings of a tree. If you cut me open, you could count my thirties. The subcutaneous fat layers.

Is that the, yeah. Yeah. How many thirties has this guy been through? Oh, gross. There it is. All right, let's set up these cameras, Erica, so we can get you on. So we can get your beautiful smiling face out to the people. I guess Tony from Hack the Mov movies bailed on me this time.

Really? I bumped him over the puppet. Yep. Oh, I see. Yeah. Whoops. Second billing to it was a puppet show and spinal tap. Yeah. Right. And Chris the Kiwi. All right. Let's see here. There we go.

There we go. Fantastically wonderful. Oh, that looks There we go, fantastically wonderful. Oh, that looks pretty in focus, right? Yeah. I see, so yeah. You know about focus, I got a little boomer eyes over here. That's better. That's better.

Beautiful, wonderful. The very lovely Erica Medina is, I got that right, right? Yeah, I didn't got it. People were, people were shitting on me for not spelling your entire name, a bunch of guys, because they wanted, they really were interested in checking out your Instagram.

It is a E R I K A, maybe you should spell it, because you have such a beautiful voice. It's E R I K A M E D I N A. I have Mexican privilege that I assume, like you could say like, Roberto de Veda, I was going to say, I was like, oh, I know to spell that. Yeah, the Medina apparently threw a lot of people off.

I thought you know, no funky cold Medina, you fucking Millennial. Oh, right. I can't if you don't know that song, I'm not talking to you. Welcome back to the show. Thanks for having me back. I had quite a response on my Instagram from your listeners. They were very lovely.

I didn't make sense. I got a lot of DMs. Did you? Guys and girls, yeah. Guys and girls? Yeah. I love hearing from my ladies. Yeah, it was awesome.

What were some of your favorite? Did anyone ask for pictures of your feet? We've got some footcaps. No, I did have a guy ask me if I could post a video or a picture of me working out so it was like with sweat. Yeah. I was like, okay, maybe I won't throw that in there, you know. What was that, that was my secret account.

But I was gonna say that you got to get where is it? Where is the picture? The ones from the girls, that's one person with a lot of different accounts. I pay for a service is called noncreeper.com. PR, noncreeper. To make women feel more welcome. They pose as other women messaging.

Non-prepure. That's fucking, that's very good. That's genius. I used to do that for on Tinder. It's like, hey, can you hit this girl up on Instagram? I'm just telling that I'm a great guy. I'm like, do a like Astro Turf and tell me. It helps.

God. So you didn't get any weird, weird messages. No, nothing, no, nothing weird. Yeah, that was good. Come on guys, let's go on. Everybody be happy. Get, get where the weird guys are. The followers are pretty normal. Okay, I think no, nothing weird. Yeah, good. Come on, guys, we're just going on. Get, get where the weird go is. Those followers are pretty normal. Okay, I think I'll go back.

Thank you for coming back. Yeah, that's how I'm shocked. I mean, I'm going to come back. Me too, actually. Yeah. Well, we're not even allowed. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm surprised we're going to Australia next week to the show.

I kind of thought that we might just be banned from the country. Never know. We're banned from Boston. No venue in Boston wants to let us in. Boston, really? Yeah, yeah, in Boston. You'd think the liquor would unite us, but Seattle, no, no, no, list of nose. Oh, wow.

My venue life is like my dating life. Just no, no, no, no, no. No, no. You would've got Australia so you can't complete. I'd much rather go to Australia than Boston. It's gonna be fantastic. Exciting. What part do you guys go into?

Sydney, we're starting in Melbourne, that's in the South. We discuss this last time. And then we're going up to Sydney. It's Melbourne. And it's also just for you. I know you have a front, it's South. South, right? That would be impressive., it's salsa. Salsa, right?

Yeah, we were talking about salsa, right? Salsa. There was a story last time about salsa. Oh, okay, speaking of stories, let's hear it. Well, you don't remember. I don't remember. Sean, I can't think right. So you don't have the view that I do.

You're over there in the corner. I'm looking at you. I'm so waiting, I'm so waiting for your emails. I have the camera. Oh, I can send it. Hold on. I know. Can you send them ahead of time so I can send it. Hold on. I know. Can you send them ahead of time so I can read it?

You know what I was doing. So we're just going to do it again where I'm just reading. So if I fuck up, I'm sorry. No, no, no, take a moment and read them. I swear I sent it to you, but I guess I, what an asshole. Let me print them out now. I was in a meat stupor last night. You're good.

I was like, I would just, we'll just wing it like last time. Oh, how terrible. Eric, I'm 100% sure. It's very impressive. Look at this. This is a forwarded message. Huh. Oh, wait, you don't, yeah, this is a forwarded message to you. Yeah, but just spelled the last name wrong.

No way, I can't. I'm just kidding. I was like, did he? No, you got it. What happened? That is my email. Did the wage gap get the email off the hook? The it. What happened? That is my email. Did the wage gap get the email off the hook?

The monster? I'll print it out right now. I mean, I believe you. Could you check your spam folder? Well, you don't have to believe me. I've got the email here. Oh, you got the proof, so you know. Take a minute to read it.

Oh, fuck you, Gmail. It's in my spam folder. Yeah. What? What the hell? Why? Why am I in spam? Have you been- Because of my slumber? Why am I in spam? Have you been-

Because of my slumber machine? I'm a damn bad guy. But you've communicated before via email? Like it didn't kick, or is that the first one? You've sent from a specific account. Oh, I probably used my real email account the first time. Okay. All right.

Chris, the key we wanted to call in today, I think of- Well, you need a little time because there's enough people who hate that guy. Yeah. He sent me an email about how maybe I want to get my fingers chopped off. Is he, what did he say? He's an email saying,

I was a smart guy, maybe you, who want your fingers chopped off. Oh, gotcha. It's pretty funny. Okay, yeah, yeah. And he said he tracked down the woman he was writing to in prison. They transferred her to another facility and he wanted to try to rekindle that flame.

I think he wanted my help on that. Yeah, okay. I'll wait a little bit. Yeah, you know, you don't want to jump on every, every lead development. Yeah, right. Because he's, you know, then I'll start coming to him. I'll start calling it his show obsessively. Yeah, he's, he's, he's an acquired taste that most people don't acquire.

Right. I think I mean, I guess I find them absolutely fascinating. V2. And I wish that it would go on and on forever. I just want to talk to him for hours. I do too. Okay, tell me more about vaccines. Yeah, tell me about what you're doing.

What's, yeah. What do you do? I know, I want to know, I ever see. What do you think Cuck means? Yeah, tell me about it. Right. Hold on, I need you to explain that a little bit more for me. Right.

It's like a maze that never, right, labyrinths, like a labyrinth. How long have you wanted to have sex with your cousin for? And you wouldn't believe this guy. I just jumped in on sex in my cousin because I was reading over here. Yeah, he called that advice. Yeah, he did. No, this is not me.

This is like a caller who's got a myriad of problems. The number of issues. The number of issues. Like autism being the least of his is. I don't think his autism makes him like that. No, he's something else. Yes. Some other kind of thing.

There's some, yeah. There's some, cripple Jesus says that Erica that you made him walk again. Oh wow. It's pretty good. I do miracles too. Wow. Congratulations on that.

Slip and Jimmy wants to know how tall you are. I'm five foot three. Oh, sounds like you're a perfect fit for Slip and Jimmy's life. I'm fun size as they call it. Oh my gosh. All right. All right. Let's get to some news. All right. Cool. So story one, weener watch. I like it already. Anthony Weiner was ordered Friday to register as a sex offender as he nears the end of his 21 month prison sentence for having illicit online contact with a 15 year old girl. Prosecutors say he had a serious, a series of sexually explicit Skype and Snapchat exchanges

with the North Carolina High School student and encouraged the teen to strip naked and touch yourself sexually. At a sentencing, Wiener said he'd been very sick man for a long time. Oh, yeah. Said he had a sex addiction go figure. Wiener, 54 must register for a minimum of 20 years. So was this, now I can't remember, I knew about this, but I can't remember, did he know she was 15?

Yeah. So he totally, yeah. He was just like, 10,000% guilty. Yeah. He's so guilty that he's he's gone all the way into Super Villainy and I love him. Yeah, like every time I hear about him, I love him his antics. I know he can't stop You give him a computer. He's gonna start messaging little girls again getting them naked He looks like a mind. He looks like a goblin. Yeah, he really does He's fantastic. He looks like something out of gummy bears or whatever

that shit. What was it? Gummi tails. What was the shummy bears? Is what you're with the gummy bear juice? Who they're bouncing here? Yeah, was that they wear gummy? Yeah, that's gummy bears. Yeah, he looked like it looks like the dookie. He looks like an AIDS, AIDS infected version of Duke from gummy bears. Yeah. I love him. I hope they never put him in jail. I can't wait to hear about his exploits with underage girls forever. Jesus Christ. You hate him? I actually, I mean, I've heard of him. I haven't seen the documentary.

It's on my, you know, it's on my list. But yeah, I saw the trailer and it just, I was like, whoa. Oh, it was carlo stranger, wasn't it? Most of the, so yeah, this only happened like, what, in the last four or five years, something, I mean, it just, so I went down fairly recently. Well, he'll be president someday. Yeah.

If, you know, Rocky is a good story about a guy taking a beating and getting up and keep going, Anthony Wiener is a great story about a guy that you couldn't keep down. He would chat with underage girls and other what? Different kind of beating. He had, yeah.

Okay. All right, next up, police say a 20 year old Francesca Delphina, Fadiya Swenson, say that five times fast, was drinking mouthwash to get drunk when she called a boyfriend to pick her up at Provo Canyon. While driving police say Fadiya Swenson got angry with her boyfriend and started kicking the windows of his car, damaging at least one window.

Before police took her jail, they say Fadiya Swenson asked if she could smoke a bowl of marijuana telling cops that she had a pill bottle with weed in her pocket. Who is this? Is this a celebrity? Francesca Delfina Fadiya Swenson. I don't know. Sure, from Utah, that could be an aired profile. Yeah, this is in Utah.

They frown upon that. Yeah. Based on the story, that could be any woman though. Any woman on Earth, it could be your mom doing that. It's a disgusting, disgusting, disgusting, screaming. So clearly that worse, because she was fucked up enough to ask a cop whether she could smoke weed on the ride to fucking do this. I think that was her female hysteria, do we?

I don't think it's drinking scope. There's no alcohol. I don't think there's any alcohol in scope. I think there is. I think it's a very small percentage. So she drank a vat of it. I don't know. I don't know if there's alcohol in scope. I don't think so I think it's a very small percentage. So she drank a vat of it. I don't know. I don't know if there's alcohol and scope.

I don't think so. Not as much as Nikewell. There's alcohol and Nikewell? It was like 20% or something like that. What? There's a lot of, yeah, there's booze and Nikewell. Don't look it up. Are you looking it up?

Yes, of course I look it up. Don't look it up. There's no way there's alcohol and Nikewell. It's DXM that's in robotus and the noxie out. That's a different thing. Nightquil. Fuck it. Okay. Sean's going to have his own news. So what's next? All right. Oh, okay. President Trump said on Friday that there was a very good likelihood that he would close a border this week if Mexico did not stop immigrants from reaching the US. US consumers would run out of avocados in three weeks.

If Donald Trump makes good. Oh, win, win. Do you not like avocado? I like, I like avocados, but I hate more the people who eat avocado toast and take pictures of their avocado toast. 10 10 10 10. 10% Yeah, but there are alcohol free versions. Sorry. I apologize. I know 10% alcohol

anything that hurts anything that hurts people who have brunch. I'm for that brunch is such a fucking inconvenience. Yeah, because always a big group that you know, your girlfriend organizes. Oh yeah. big group that, you know, your girlfriend organizes. Oh yeah. Cause, has a man ever in his life organized like a brunch? Has that ever happened? Not only like going out and drinking when you're hung over. Yes.

Guys don't really socialize like that. It sounds like a nightmare. I don't know how women can tolerate their friends without a shitload of liquor to be honest, but they're managed to do it. So we're not, we're no more avocados. Yeah, I mean, for three weeks, we're run out of avocados. That makes me sad. That's happened before.

I remember that. What do you think about that? What do you think about that board that deal? Shut down though. No, shut down. I don't agree with it, but that's just my... You live in LA though, you know they're coming here. We're gonna be reading the news too.

That's the problem. Oh, good. Will I even come take my job? Oh, God. Trump's had a lot of big wins lately. If he kills avocados, that'll be, that's it. That's the red button.

Yeah. Don't fuck with our avocados. We'll make a saint out of him, like a saint patching, driving all the snakes out of Ireland. Trump's gonna drive avocado toast. Oh, like avocado toast. No, it's the avocado toast. Oh, that's what it is.

Yeah. Fuck avocado toast. Fuck you. Well, I need something that hurts hipsters is, is, yeah, good. Okay. Like, Cambodia. Yeah, I hope that next he's going for that. Next is Cambodia.

Next he's going for that. Then he's going, I hate Cambodia. Then he's going to drive all the foster dogs out of the, he's going to give them all homes. Then where will you be? Yeah. Good. He's going to Trump's going gonna change the state bird of California, the state animal into a three-legged blind month.

Oh, instead of a, yeah, no. Right, same. Yeah, yeah. You know what, I wanted to talk about that all so bad today, a.e.s girl, and I went to see Charlie in the chocolate factory, the musical, and there was this, what was the word for, what was the word that we had in the slur machine?

Oh boy. For a retarded person. It's called a slur machine now. It was a micro something. Micro-lending. There was this, there was this fucking micro-lender woman in front of us. That's a picture backup.

Oh, yeah, yeah, you're welcome. Who, odd, ah, at every single thing in the musical that was written to be like the most cloying saccharin, exaggerated unbelievable story of destitution. Like, it's for old people living in the same bed somehow, but she's treating this as though it's like like, like, she's treating it as though she's watching a Sarah McLaughlin adopt a dog commercial every two seconds.

Oh, oh, oh, I was just 80s girl. I shit you not. I'm just openly staring in fury at this. You know how I like I am. Yeah, you're furious. And shocked that she could be doing this out loud in the middle of a musical that people paid hundreds of dollars to go see, oh, oh, twice in that she would start

an awe before finishing the first one. In a double, she's staring at her in 80s girl. She's like, are you here? I see that I'm staring like Max Dad. I couldn't believe it. The all compulsion has gotta be fucking stopped. It's shock collars. You're you get one a day.

There should only be one thing a day that evokes that kind of response. Have you ever awed in your life? I don't think so. I have to work up an aw. No. If I get a picture. I typed it one time and I immediately I'm a little pommeted. I threw up right after all one time. I think probably. Yeah, of course. Oh, it's so

it's so weird. I don't do it all day. It's fine. The dickhead sent me a picture of their little kid with a dick show shirt on I'm so scared. I can do it all day. She can say, that's fine. The Dickhead sent me a picture of their little kid with a dick show shirt on it and I typed aw, that looks great and then just deleted them. I mean back in deleted them. That was great. Yeah, I can't. Yeah, I can't make a screenshot of that.

That's what I do. Yeah, I've omitted. It was rough. Trump is going to reload. I have to tell a priest. I had to become Catholic to go confess about your laws. We do need laws. You said that like it was plural about your law.

Yeah. So, all right. Thank you, man. It's gonna be wrong twice. Trump is going to take all the homeless people and drive them. If the migrants is not stopped and drive them and put them outside of foster dog shelters, just so the people going in to adopt a dog will have to climb over humanity's suffering before they take a foster dog.

So virtue is like, yeah, right? He's smart, that's what he's gonna do to that. That's what I would do. That's what I would do. Why don't the homeless people do that? How come they hang out, how can they don't go hang out in front of the puppy shelter? With a sign that says, you virtue signaling,

I'm a human anyway. Okay, so are. That's actually not a bad plan. I was thinking. It's a smart plan. That's how I invented this lure machine. Okay. All right, next one.

Jeff Bezos found her in chief executive of Amazon announced on Thursday as part of their impending divorce settlement that he will transfer roughly 4% of the company stock to his soon to be ex-wife by early July. Those shares are worth more than 35 billion as a 130 PM Eastern Standard Time on Thursday. Oh man.

That would make Mackenzie the third richest woman in the world and 26 overall. He's also renaming whole foods to horror foods. John. Wow. Amazon's getting a new mig towel look. Good. The mig towel organizations are getting a $35 billion donate.

How can you, I can't, I mean, I don't want to get darker anything, but can't you just hire a guy to take care of that problem without spending $35 billion on it? Don't the Chinese have a heart attack gun that they can shoot at people? Do you know, have you heard? Yeah, I think so. They get in there and rub shit on your face and then the next thing you know,

can't best out spilling all the team up with Hillary Clinton and figure out, can't they set the rich? It's $35 billion. Jesus. It's a lot of dough. Good for her. Yeah, it's the biggest divorce settlement

in the world in history. I would guess. Wow. That's insane. Is there anything you wouldn't do for $35 billion? Like really can you really think about anything? I mean, you wouldn't do. Would you say everyone has a price?

Everyone has a price. That's everyone's price. Yeah. There's nothing, there's nothing anyone would do for $35 billion. Yeah, you have to pay me a lot of money, a lot of money, like $35 billion. Yeah, what do you need?

Yeah. Oh man, good for her. Yeah, another successful, deep, deep, fry a baby and eat it. No problem. Woman entrepreneur. How do you, how do you feel about a woman divorcing into money like that? I mean, I'm married. It's half and half. It didn't sign a prenup. So, yeah. Didn't he like cheat on her though? I hope so. Well, I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, right. Is it California? Lauren Sanchez, isn't he? I don't know where he is. I mean, it's, it's hanging. You're right. Is it California? Lauren Sanchez, isn't he? I don't know where he is. I mean, California is a, California is a no fault state. So, I mean, it doesn't matter who's up wide. I think he's up North. I think he's in another very liberal state, though. Did he cheated on her with a woman? Is that what he was?

Well, I mean, he was supposedly dating Lauren Sanchez from, she's like a news cast something. But she's, she's actually getting divorced as well. She was with the owner of William Morris. She fell for divorce, I think this past week. So. God, that's cutting. I wouldn't even want, oh, $35 billion? I wouldn't want to give a single dollar in a divorce.

Well, you know what I mean? I'm a pretty reasonable guy. I mean, that's the mother of history. Yeah. Yeah. What did you say? It's the mother of his children. So I know there's a way how the statement post

that our account Jeff Bezos said in all our work together with Kazzie's abilities have been on full display. She's been an extraordinary partner, ally and mother. 35 billion dollars of a mother. No mother, not even Jesus' mother is worth 35 billion dollars. I don't know what kind of mother she thinks she's worth a lot more if you look at the bank accounts. Yeah. What if she filed for divorce from the church? Did she get half of that? Well, no, no. All right. Is that it was that all the news? There's one more. I don't know how a

burnt piece of toast that looks like it's going to sue the Catholic church, you know what I mean? 35 billion dollars We're okay with this 35 you can I mean I'm a clone. I mean I'll take one what the hell kind of what kind of clown world is this? 35 billion dollars because you you want to guy you want a cap? God for God's sake. Yes You want to get a guy? You want a cap? God, for God's sake.

Yes, some kind of a divorce allowance cap, like whatever Lucy was, whatever Ricky gave Lucy, whatever the inflation amount of that, that seems there. A couple of snacks in the face, I think he gave her a key. Does he get one smack for that $35 billion? Just want, can he get one slap out of it? Like, oh man, all right, crack. It's yours.

At least put that in there for the rest of us, for the working man, getting divorced. Thank God, I hope she doesn't have a control over the Alexa machine, though, for the spying. That would be bad. That would be worse. That would be much worse. All right, what's last on?

All right, next we got a Léor Berglund, drew a sword and slashed a man's hand out after he knocked Berglund's hat, which bore President Trump's iconic campaign slogan. Oh, it's fucking hat. To the ground. He said, yeah, Berglund was booked on suspicion of attempted murder, mayhem, and weapons, and assault charges. The San Francisco Chronicle reported.

Good. The newspaper noted that this is not the first time Berglund was accused of brandishing a blade in 2012. He was charged with two incidents in Oregon in one week. He's one of these, Wow. He's one of these fucking weirdos, man, who has this very strange

obsession with swords. Yeah, he's like a samurai. I've seen those guys like it. Walking around with like a sword. They're like really undenized. That can be a moment. Look, your hand will grow back. You should the shame of getting a hat knocked off your head will not.

That he is 100% within his rights. That is forever. Jesus. As a hat wearing guy. There is a weird sword subculture. There is. Yeah. What would you think of you walked into a guy's place and you just had like swords?

I have. Oh yeah. We are no longer dating. What was it? How did you meet the guy? I walked in his room. We met through friends. I went to his house and then he had like,

he didn't have it hanging or anything. He just had it like in his room randomly and. A sword? Yeah, a sword. She doe blade. It was like, I don't know. It was this long sword thingy like in he had a little display on the floor, and I was just like, is that a sword?

I was like, is that thing real? And he's like, oh yeah, and he was like, check out, he thought it was cool. Oh, and then he was like, oh, he thought it was cool. He was like, oh, he got this here, and I was just like, that's why you're not dating anymore. It's not, if he had just gone, oh yeah, I got that, right?

But it's just like, oh, check this out. Yeah, he thought he was cool. It's never cool. No. It's never, first of all, if you think it's just like, oh, check this out. Yeah, he thought he was cool. It's never cool. No, it's never. First of all, if you think it's cool, she does definitely not. No, it's cool. And she, she, she is not going to the Renaissance fair with you. The only thing women think are cool is $35 billion. Yes. If it's not, if it's not that, then keep it to yourself, man. We don't want to know. Okay, let's get, let me see if Dylan is in here.

Hey, Dylan, are you there? Yeah, what's up, guys? Hey, what's up? Yes, yes, you're on with Sean and Erica. So you recently had a sexual exploit that you wanna brag about, is that right? I guess I could brag about it. Am I allowed to say, midget?

I don't know if I'm allowed to say midget. It's not a, it's a pejorative. I mean, it's not a good term. But little people's such a mouthful. Yeah, it takes way too long to get through that. It's a short story, if you know me. LLP. LLP, a little person.

Like a record. Yeah, well, you know, Kalma, Kalma, Oopalupa. No, that's a good one. Little person, see. when I told this story on R. Share, they played the, it's a small world music in the background, which made it. Oh, I know, call it a, call it a child. That won't be offensive. Oh, Jesus Christ. Uh,

yeah, how can you get worse? Little call him a little person. All right, go. So what happened? So we have a segment on our show, uh, shiver me tenders, which is basically just, you know, recapping some tender experiences because most of them are pretty ridiculous. Yeah. So I matched with this little person on, on a tender like app. Okay. And I, you know, I, I couldn't not pass this up.

What was there? You mean you was there? Pass this was their picture obvious that they were a little person on Tinder. Yeah, yeah, all the pictures like she was standing next to normal size people. You know, you mean size people. That's a fan. I got to make this happen. Okay. I'm 31 years old and I've never taken down a midget.

So, okay. Got to happen. Oh, that's taken down. You mean like in the wild? That's certainly offensive. You know, I mean, I met it in an unoffensive way. Obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you definitely meant it in the offensive way. Okay. So we met a couple back and forth conversations. A day went by or whatever and she randomly hits me up. What did you guys talk about? What are you, how do you talk about not what's staring in front of you? Do you mention?

Do you mention a little talk, you know? Oh, get it, Sean. Did this really happen? Are you fucking around? Did this really happen? I swear to whatever you believe in. So yeah, we chatted a little bit. Well, that doesn't do it.

Yeah, it's. Yeah. It was, it wasn't really too crazy a conversation, pretty normal. I just, whatever, a couple days went by or whatever. She hits me up. But hey, what are you doing tonight? I'm not doing anything. You want to come by?

Well, yeah, definitely. this is going to happen. All right. Cool. Does she drive around and stuff when you went on dates? So you like help her into the chairs and stuff? She lived like probably 35, 40 minutes away from me. Okay. And she's like, well, we can't do it at my house. Well, I'm not going to drive you all the way back to my house and then drive you back to your house. That's just, that's asking way too much. Oh my god. Wait a minute. What? Small. I got a big back seat. So my car cool. Yeah, that's fun.

Plast, fucking plast all the way. This guy, you wouldn't drive. You didn't want to pick her up. Take her to your place and then drive her home and then drive all the way back. That's a four, that's a four way trip, right? That's a lot of driving. Irrigor, you wear that of what men have to do to bing. Women, we've got to drive there, back, drive back to your place and then drive back by ourselves. That's a lot of fucking driving.

We're so climbing and not tell jokes the whole time. Yeah, I mean, can't make any jokes the whole time. We were in this case. That's a lot. She did message me on when I was on the way there. She's like, you're not going to be weird because I'm little, right? No, you're going to make me look huge. She, she, she thought that was funny, but that's actually funny. I mean, that's funny.

So I get there, pick her up, we cruise around, find a spot. She says, just wait, what was your spot? What do you mean you found a spot to bank? Yeah, yeah, what place to park and, you know, what were you looking for? Get it. Right, what do you like in a spot? A quiet place where we're not going to get bugged, you know? A quiet place, right?

Like, so I mean, could this be a, you know, Arby's parking lot behind a duster? Like a Disneyland right or something. What? Small people. Sorry. That joke didn't last. I apologize. Small world. So we ended up parking at a church after she said,

just make sure it's not a church. Okay. You know, God's watching. Right. And they're quiet. Yeah. How could she see where he's got myopia? So we can't see across that he can't see to the sides. Basically,

because she see out the window like how little are we talking here? She was probably like three foot Whoa. Yeah, three eight That's how she was somewhere somewhere between three and a half and four feet. What's three eight? What is that? Is that like this big? It's very yeah, maybe I'm it's and what is she what does she look like? Her hair her hair. Yeah size and stuff. If she was a normal size person, I would not have matched with her. I'd be honest, but the fact that she was a little person,

I was willing to deal with the fact that she was like a five or a two and a half out of five. I guess. Oh, Jesus Christ. This guy with the. What an asshole. I can't help it. I'm sorry. He's been working on this. Yeah. Okay.

I've only told this story on art shows. So you can be telling us right for the rest of your life. But I'm not feeling what about the canned situation? This is my one thing I have going for me. Yeah. What about the canned situation? What was. So what about the canned situation? What was that? What about the canned situation?

They were huge, like for a normal person, giant. Huge for a normal person? Yeah, they were at least like, double d's. How does that look on a little person? Actually, they're like, okay. Okay, she was top heavy. Like double D. Are you sure it's just not the perspective? Like could she, God damn, man.

Like one did not fit in my hand. Like it, it was much bigger than my hand. Yeah. Oh, wow. You've got like a little sex tall here, right? It's trying to get in kind of hot. Don't you think? Yeah, especially when you reenact it. Yeah. It's too much, you got it with a regular size woman

you're all the way up here, all the way down there. This is nice and tight. Well, don't you think? I mean, I'm into it now. Okay. All right, what happened? So you get to the church. We get to the church.

Is there any celebrity she looks like? Uh, she was black. So that was, that was pretty cool. I've never slept with the black girl before. Uh, okay. Yeah, she took down a few things in this little John didn't have that defensive. You can't say that. Yeah, two birds.

I mean, right. Uh-huh. Two birds with one, one, uh, uh, cock. I don't know celebrity. I don't know celebrity. I don't know. She just look like a person, I guess, a small person. I can't, I can't think of anybody. She was like, she wasn't like super attractive,

but she was small and this is funny. So yeah, George for me to happen. She had totally George for me. Okay. So yeah, we, like, she climbs up and goes back. George for me. I haven't. She's totally George for me. So yeah, we, like, she climbs up and that's a grill. It looks like a barbecue. Yeah, I can do that too, fuck her. Yeah, I can do that too, fuck her.

And we get down to business, which I have a, I have a key optima, which has a lot of room, but it had like so much room for shenanigans with a smaller person. It's great. Okay. room, but it had like so much room for shenanigans with a smaller person is great. Okay. But it is a pain in the ass. The women with their legs and spider legs and arms, you always try to rain them in. Yeah.

Like, when I put her legs up, they just like barely went like her feet were at my shoulders, you know, it's super weird. Because her legs were, she definitely had like the bow leg thing that some little people get. Okay. So she had like a wobble when she walked a little bit. No, maybe she was drunk. Maybe she could have been. So yeah, it was a shallow box.

I will say that. Oh, all right. How long did it take you? What was the four play like? She actually did. She's like, let's just get down to business. She didn't she's like I really like given blow jobs, which is ridiculous because she could have stood up Like that I was looking forward to that

That's the a version to So it'd be so easy for you. You could just stand up. Why don't you like this? Were you looking forward to that? That comedy part of it? Yeah. Yeah, I was hoping I'd at least get that, but she didn't want to, and I wasn't going to push the situations.

Yeah, I could understand that. It seems obvious. It's like twins. If you're not trying to have sex with both of them and so waste, right? Yeah, exactly. So what's the worst? So she didn't want to do that, but it wasn't bad.

I bought them down and made me feel like a fucking giant man. You bought them down with your penis. Yeah, yeah, hit the back. Hit the back wall. How big is your penis if I may ask? If you don't mind me asking a personal question, I want to know how deep the pool is. I want to know what the shallow end feels like. I'm like a six and a half or probably.

Okay, so five. All right, well, did you, what was the aftermath? He was a 13. Did you get her off at least? Yeah, of course I did. Of course you did. Come on. Okay, and then I'm a gentleman. I made sure. I'm like, first class all the way.

And then what happened? So we finished up. It was an awkward kind of quiet ride back to her place. I don't know if she does this all the time or not. I've had a few, you know, one night stands and stuff. I'm not. It's not weird for me, but she kind of was awkward about it. Probably felt a little weird, but.

Did you put her at any point? Did you put her on, like what positions did you guys bang in? Did you put her on top? Or was she on her back? She got on top for a little bit. She was on her back, doggy style. We did the as many positions as you can knock out in the back of a car. Did you hold the best place to do it? Well, I'm with a little person.

You can probably do more. Did you hold her up while she was on top of you? Was that easier? There's a little bit of that, but we did. The on top didn't last very long. It was kind of uncomfortable and not working out. I couldn't spin her because there was not enough room for that. little bit of that, but we did, the on top didn't last very long. It was kind of uncomfortable and not working out. I couldn't spin her because there was not enough room for that, but that would have been cool. Did she have any moves, like special moves, a little person moves? Oh, no. Well, not really. That would have been pretty broke out with some shit I've never seen before. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Most girls don't really have moves. That's true. I don true. Do you have any America? Do you have any

moves? They don't have to. No comment. Nice try. I mean, there are girls with moves, but a lot of girls are lazy as shit and bed. Let's be real. Yeah. Okay. So are you going to meet her again? Well, no, we we we win our separate ways and never spoke again. No. Well, I guess better luck next time. I don't know, Sean, you got any little people's sex questions for this guy? No.

I want to know more about the actual act, the logistics of it. I'm very interested in the logistics of sex. Yeah, but it's been most of the time I'm having sex thinking about the logistics of them. Sounds like you covered it though. Yeah, there wasn't anything like you said out of the ordeal. All right. The only thing weird was like the legs like the legs were kind of They were there and they weren't like long enough to

Like put over the shoulders. Yeah, it's just kind of like holding them up and they were like chubby legs, chubby short legs. So I was like, you were able to maintain an interaction for all this time. I mean, yeah, I can maintain an interaction anytime. I don't need a woman to be attractive. All right, all right, Dylan, this is Dylan from Not for Human Consumption. What makes you rage?

Did you have any? I've been using on this for fucking ever, but service fees on tickets. Yeah. When you buy a ticket for $25 and it comes out to $70 after fucking convenience fees, what the fuck is so convenient? And why is it more than the goddamn ticket?

Yeah, they charge you a convenience fee online, right? If you can take a master's day. Yeah, they have monopoly on I know. I know All right, Dylan. Did you were you? Did you have to resist singing any songs while you were having sex or anything like that? No, but next time if this situation ever happens again, I will be sure to capitalize on all of the terrible things that people wish I would have done. Okay. All right. Get out of here. Check out Dylan and then I have for Human Consumption podcast.

Thanks, guys. Yeah. Thanks for taking one for the team. Interesting. You knocked it off the list, I guess. Okay. Let me see here. I've got pickup lines for the virgins.

Okay. I wanted to pick 10 and send out to the virgins so they can, we've got like 30 virgin men who are participating in a virgin contest so they can stop being virgins. Okay. And they've been trying to quit. They've been trying to quit.

So I've got a list of pickup lines. We're going to pick 10 for them to read to try to hit on women. Because I think part of the problem is they just don't talk to women. They don't know what to say. Right. Like, good stuff. Like, you should see my sword collection. Yeah.

Stuff like that. That's a good one. Here's one. Hey, do you have a good wallet recommendation? My current one is getting kind of small. Nothing, okay, that's gonna be a no. Hey, you have to comment. Yeah, these are for you.

Hey, do you have time? She's like, I thought I was just doing the news. I'm gonna get the fuck out of here. Do you have a moment to just... No, I'm good, go for it. Do you have a moment to discuss our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? That's a good one. That's a good one. Okay. That's a good one. What happened to the Rolly Poles?

That's a good one. We know that's a good one. Do you want to use it? Yeah. I mean, it's a It's an odd conversation starter, but it would but it would be like you remember the Rolly Poles Yeah, yeah, Whatever happened to them. They're still around. I saw one like a week ago. Oh, fuck Johnny has fucked this over again. Yeah. Yep. Um, you ever bust so hard that you yell out your social security number? Oh, that's a good one. Okay. Check that one off. Where'd you find these? Oh, that's a good one. Okay, check that one off. Where'd you find these?

These are just people guys who say that they'll work. Oh, okay, okay. Oh, no. Let me see here. Are you my little toe because I'm about to bang you against a coffee table? Okay, that's a good one. I mean, it's a good one.

Yeah, that's a star. It's one of those. Let's get it, but are you a toaster because I'd like to hop in the bath with you? Okay. I thought that would get a laugh at you. I don't like that. Yeah.

Uh, hop in the bed. Oh, man. Hey girl, I love, I love dark jokes like that. Hey girl, hey girl, is that an, is there an F five key in your back pocket because that S is refreshing? Mm-hmm. I mean anything that starts with Hey Girl. Yeah, I told them to always start with bitch, but they don't yeah They're not doing it. They're not doing it right Hey girl again, are you a cigarette?

Because I want to get you lit and then put your butt in my mouth Yeah, then I knew it was going to be a butt. Did you? That was by surprise. Yeah, I was. I can't lit. That might work on the millennials. Okay, that's a maybe.

That's a maybe. What do we get so far? One, two, three, four, five, six. Let's do a World War II reenactment. I'll play Japan and you be Nan King. Oh my God. I don't know what that means. You know, I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? Does that work? Say again. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? Does that work? That is an okay one.

It's kind of cute. That's an old one. I've heard that. Oh, here's, okay, here's, maybe this is the last one, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Yeah, I'll add some more. What's your favorite dinosaur that's got to be good? I like your shoes. That's a good one. Here's one. Here's one that my coworker does, did at a bar once and it worked.

He waved his finger at a girl to signal come here. And then when she came over to him, he said, if I could make you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with the rest of them. She actually went over. Yeah. That's never worked on me when a guy does this. A guy does like that. No, it doesn't work. All right. And you added the okay. I think that's what we'll that's what we'll go with then. Yeah. The rest are too complicated. Okay. They need a whole set up and like a buddy. I'm gonna read some comments. Let's see what I get.

And then we'll do voice mails when we get the hell out of here. Eric, thank you for staying with us. Lovely news again. Awesome. As man, you need to have Kiwi, Chris the Kiwi on as much as possible. He's like a level of retardedness. Oh boy. He'll be the star of a show on investigation much as possible. He's like A.O. that kind of level of retardedness. Oh boy. He'll be the star of a show on investigation discovery

channel soon. Oh man. It's really funny. You mentioned Amaranth on this episode because I had an interesting experience with an admit of hers on Twitch. I was looking through Doxbin as I sometimes do out of curiosity and I saw several post titled

Twitch Thought. Now I have, what do you think about that pejorative thought? You ever heard it before? I have not. Now I had never heard of this girl before then, so I looked her up for some reason. I decided to try and warn her about this. Oh, he got banned.

Oh, I'm saying. Always ends up the same, doesn't it? Yeah, he tried to help me. Oh, I have to help that. He got banned. Oh, Sid Wayne Chorus. Hey, Deck, I just listened up the same, doesn't it? Yeah, you tried to help, you tried to help out. Oh, Sid Wayne Chorus, hey, I just listened to episode 69, the biggest problem in the universe, where you talked about the female orgasm.

I know you probably don't care, but if you want to tell if a girl is faking it, the best way is whether or not her lips are cold. Believe me, I feel tested it, just kiss their lips, okay. After they climax. To see if it's real or not, is that true? I've never heard that.

Erica? Is that either. Is that true? Oh, wow. Kiss their lips. Because all the blood drains from their face. This is probably a trick to get you to kiss women and cuddle with them after they orgasm.

Oh, my God. Fang, bolstine. Oh, Amaranth,ante wears a chest plate. Her tits are completely fake, not plastic, but just a literal detachable chest plate. That's weird. That's what's happening online now. Constant McMair.

I've had a rage over the new trend of adults having too much free time, sobriety squads. It's grown adults who stop drinking and go on social media to celebrate about how they stop drinking. Oh, fuck that. They do do that. You know, no, I'm sure they do. That's a, that's, that's the last thing I was ever going to be was a holier than thou asshole who thinks that every, it's the, that's your own thing. Just fucking keep it to yourself. Yeah. Good for you. Life is a brutal constant struggle

with brief intervals from sunshine. Booze is one of those rays of light. Why would you take that away from yourself? Anyway, love the show. Sean, go fuck yourself. Thank you. Tony from Hack the Movies. How you doing? Oh, thank God.

I couldn't bump you again, even though you, I don't think you were here on time. I was ripping moldy drywall out of my attic and I lost track of time. That was my bad. Tony from Hack the Movies always wears Maddox lost shirts in his cinematic reviews. Does he? Not, not not always, but I have worn it a couple times. Couple times. How are you doing, sir? I'm doing great. I'm doing great. I'm really glad I could get on. I'm glad you didn't

have like a GI Joe you wanted to interview or a Barbie. No, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, pretty good. It didn't take itself seriously. And it has more diversity than Captain Marvel. Go fucking face another shazam. What? No, there's just the one. Okay. Yeah. The guy, the little kid who's a grown up man, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's actually pretty fucking funny. All right. You got anything or you want to listen to voice mails? I just wanted to plug the show rental reviews on

Cinemasker. Rental reviews. What was that? Rental reviews. Yeah. Cinemasker rental reviews on Cinemasker. Rental reviews? What was that? Rental reviews? Yeah, Cinemasker, rental reviews. Check that out. All right. And yeah, check out my channel. I've been with the plug for a while here. I had a whole thing, but we don't have time to go into any like topics I wanted to. What's your whole thing?

I like whole things. I wanted to bitch about people who want diversity and like super hero shit. Yeah. But then they only wanted, they only wanted through Disney. For some reason, Disney is like the only thing that'll make shit legitimate for these fucking people. Well, because they have it in other places and they just don't have it through Disney. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, like everyone's like, oh, we need a trans hero, we need a gay hero.

But like, there's plenty of TV shows with that right now. But they don't consider that real because it's not marble because Disney is the only thing these people consider real. Well, they think the whole thing is about money though. Like all of the forced inclusiveness and diversity is just about control and money. Of course, they want to do that. I'm talking about the people who bitch on Twitter about how this stuff doesn't exist when it clearly does, but it just doesn't exist in the thing that they want. Yeah.

Like you can probably find a lot of sci-fi stuff with like gay characters and shit, but they wanted in Star Wars. They needed in Star Wars. And I don't fucking understand why. And I don't even know if they like Star Wars. Like they just wanted in Star Wars, cause then everybody, it's like they want to just push their shit

on what's already famous. They just want to hijack whatever the top comment is to get their thing out there and then pat themselves on the back for it without actually working it up from scratch. So it's something that people care about. Like you shove in their face, no one's gonna care. No one's gonna care.

But. It's so fun to do. And they want, ah, it's just, I don't understand why they're so focused on Disney. I don't know why they want this big fucking corporation. That's taking over all the fucking entertainment why they want them to tell them what's right and what's wrong. Like just go somewhere else.

There's other stuff, there's other franchises and other stuff you can get the chip from. Yeah. Just really fucking frustrating. Yeah, it is annoying. All right, buddy. Um, did you, was that a sword collection that you were showing off in chat? Oh, no, I was showing, okay.

So I, I have two swords, but like they were, they were given to me. I'm not like a sword guy. No, one of them is from Lord of the Rings. It was like a replica that I somehow got. So that's kind of cool. And the other one is like a knockoff of the Highlander Katana. How about that, Erica? What would you think if you walked into a guy's place and he had this? That one's sexy. That one's sexy. Oh, cool. How about his, you see the, the facial expression he takes

is so very seriously. I noticed that one a while ago in the show. Mm-hmm. I don't really remember the guy who takes the show seriously and you need to take his sword seriously. His face is. Okay. Honestly, forgot I had that sword until you mentioned it. I'm like, yeah, I got a sword right now. What do you do with a sword?

At what point can you just give, like it's a Christmas card? What point can you just get rid of? I just, I got like a shelf of Lord of the Rings shit. It just sits on there and I forget about it. It makes sense. Yeah. Or like, like the Highlander one I use for like a bunch of skits like years ago. I don't know where it is right now. But if you ever met a guy who had a lot of like action figures and toys, right? And

is a partner. No. Did you immediately become like the, the women's record holder in the long jump to get out of the place? Hey, I live with my girlfriend. She's fine with all this shit. That's cool. I mean, fine. Is that really what we're going for? Fine with it. You're satisfied with that, Tony. She's got you want me to ask her? You want me to ask her? No. I don't need to, I don't need you to ask her. If she came home and all of your action figures

were melted into a giant cube, would she be sad or happy do you think about that? She likes some of them. I got like a bunch of hard ones. She's like into horror and she's probably sad about that. Okay. All right, man, we're gonna do, I'm gonna do a song and do some voice mail, stick around.

Start. And if you don't want to. All right, this has been the, this has been the Dix show. Tick.show, thedix show.com Patreon.com slash the Dix show. Erica Medina, which if you don't know how to spell, just take the easy way out. There's not really a lot. There's a case.

Try the C. You'll know when you see here. Thank you for coming in to do the news. This is the greatest Miku in the world, Sean. Greatest Miku? Yes, this is a remix of the Miku in the world, Sean. Greatest Miku? Yes, this is a remix of the greatest man in the world sung by a little weird anime character. Okay. See you next Tuesday. What do you think? I am better than triple used to be three double instead of gold Z-P-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E-C-E- There's a celebrity, this little meek thing. Is that right?

Mm-hmm. Is that the blue hair girl? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Mmm. I hate anime. You hate anime? Oh, it's so goddamn annoying.

Did you grow up to clean this keyboard right now? Yeah. I'm sure there's good ones. I probably seen good ones, but the fans are so fucking annoying the most. I think this is, I think it sucks. No, I'm not talking about that man. Yeah, I think anime sucks. Oh my gosh. It's really bad.

Actually, we reviewed an anime on a rental reviews and there's like a tech error, so we weren't able to use the episode and I was so fucking happy. Hahaha. It was so cringey. It's funny that it's a little girl singing, I'm the greatest man and the... Well, so I think this... Oh, jeez, beauty. I think this little character is like a man has a screen mapping on him and he moves and talks, but it's that little computer girl doing it.

Okay. It's got like millions of, and I don't even think they know it's a guy doing it with that voice. It's really, it's really weird. Did you ever see this when it was on David Letterman? This little anime girl was on David Letterman. Wait, it's been around that long. That's odd. And like David Letterman had to like, thank her for saying it.

It's so fucking cringey. I'll post the video on the chat. David Letterman retired like some years ago now. So we've got a, we've got, yeah, it's been around for a while. We've got a contest between Facebook news. This is from the Zyler, aka the anchor from Anchorage. Hey, Dick and Sean, a we've got yeah it's been around for a while we've got a contest between Facebook news is this is from the xyler aka the anchor from anchorage hey dick and shanam sick of these dipshit screwing up Facebook news my dad always said if you want something done right do it yourself so I did

here is my dick show news featuring one story from reddit and one story from each Facebook group I hope you enjoyed you want to hear this? The anchor, the anchor from Anchorage's? Well, it's John McCoy. Why not? We have to, right? Here we go. I really miss Captain Jack. I'm so much. Big show news. I'm the news anchor from Anchorage. And I'm taking over for the news because it is gone to hell after Captain Jack asked the band in us. I'm taking one article from the Reddit and one from both of the Facebook groups each week. Let's go to our first story. In Bailey's Facebook group, Ryan Smith asked an

poll, all right Cucks, what is the best pizza? Options included, pussy pizza, a cabal of high-profile bankers and politicians running a secret international pedophile ring, doggie style, and New York style. New York style one with 19 votes. In the Facebook group featuring Nick Riccita, Carrie Grove is back at it again with her posts saying, guys, please stop mass messaging strangers, especially if clearly listed in a relationship.

I'm allowed though, because tits. Her post shows a Facebook Messenger conversation between her and a man named Daryl, who has been propositing the female dickheads for nudes. Great called this man out on the fact that he is married, to which replied, soon to be divorced, but I get what you mean. And you're not interested in cheating. Darryl forgot to ask Carrie about her dad throughout all of this, or to compliment her shoes.

Okay, nope. It goes, it's got, we're halfway done. That's a long news. Let's listen to Tom McCoy's now and see how they pair up. Production values are a little better. Yeah. Hey, this Facebook news, in the Dixio Facebook group, Jessica asked Dickheads for methods to prevent ticks from climbing up one's asshole.

Mike's a just flux seal. In the other Dixio Facebook group, Tanner poses screen cat argument with a self-described hangry feminist about the criminal history of Cardi B. Although many decades stopped following the conversation after the line, sex work is hard as fuck. Many good points were made by the woman, such as how only one accuser has come forward and could be lying. In that Cardi B's victims consented to sex before being drugged, raped, and robbed. Lastly, in the Dixia of Facebook group, last week's news ferry, he made an introduction thread.

Tyler opens asking about the canned situation. And his answered, big titty. Clay says, show us on the first suit where Jesus failed you. Evan invited her to join Thousand Island Supreme, and Yeager made the last comment of the thread with one word. Fat. Thank you. Just Facebook news.

All right, what do we what are we? So what what is Captain Jack has coming back? I don't think he's ever coming back. I don't know what to do I don't know what he was great. Maybe we just can't have maybe we just have to drop the bit Entirely it's such a funny bit for like none of these guys are like that but coy guys just way to like ironic about I don't know you think so yeah Everyone Yeah, everyone else is audio equipment sucks. The other do the Anchorage guy. It's a tough job. It's a tough job.

No one can replace Kev. I couldn't do it, but whoever's doing it now, they all suck. All right, let's listen to some stuff. So we had a, just for Erica, we had a furry on to read the news. Was it last week last week? You know, she was a furry community. They people expert out. No, okay.

God, I'm so glad she doesn't know about this. I didn't know about the furry community. I didn't know anything about this. I until this. They think that they show animals, like interpursuums, I'm on sexually. No, it's not that it's about their identity. Really?

Yeah. So they feel the identity. Oh, I's not that it's about their identity. Really? Yeah. So they feel they're identical. Oh, I didn't even know that. They thought it was just like purely sexual. Okay. I mean, in that, what do we do that's not sexual, right? Yeah.

It's about who they, there is a sexual component, but it's also about they identify as like mascots, like they wear- They're way too fuckingy too, furries. With you, pausing. Not with me, I went to a convention, but like my boss was like in a suit because he didn't want anyone to know he was

at a fucking convention. Okay. So, not any more. Are you sure it sounds like he's a furry? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, we were all like in furry stuff.

We just wanted to go and see what it was like, but like something in the elevator started like rubbing his arm. It was like, he was like, you're coming on to him. And we're like, what the fuck what it was like. But like, some dude in the elevator started rubbing his arm. It was like, he was like coming onto him. And we're like, what the fuck? What was he dressed as? He dressed as a fox.

It was pretty good. The fox that I love foxes. Not as bad as horses, you'd think. This girl who came on last week was dressed as a Samoid dog. Like one of those white fluffy dogs. Okay. I was going to bathroom with the furry, and I thought the dude was like fucking or jerking off.

It turns out he was just dying because the suit was so goddamn heavy. I was trying to get out of it. I was trying to get out of it. I'm going to take a shit. The furry, the furry convention I went to, these guys pay, this guy was a kangaroo. Yeah, and he had a giant shaped like a bowling pin suit

that he would put on a long, a kangaroo. And it looked like he was a giant like shaped like a bowling pin suit that he would put on like a kangaroo and then It looked like he was a little person in the middle band. Yeah The topical All right, here's my favorite by the way, I just want to put that out there. Okay. I was just there to observe Jesus I want to follow up on the gentleman who just got how he is his own rage Looking back at a party that I just left, I had to have done at least $75 to $200, depending on who you asked, I guess.

Worth of crossword puzzles and in an attempt not to feel like a preloader, I left $6 on the table. I just want to leave this here because I feel bad that I'm not going to decent amount of the drug and I want to help in my own way. Definitely like only $6 or $7. $6 bucks. Let's not recover it.

Yeah. Well, I don't know what to say to that. Here's an IOU. IOU, 200 dollars, okay. You can cash at any point. Hey, Dick, so I'm really pissed at you. You said you don't know how fucking lesbian sex works. Dick, you're a fucking retard. So it looks like it's like right. You know you're fucking being a broad and like you get really fucking sweaty and the I don't know. If it really that something difficult, Jesus Christ, go fuck yourself. I would be sure. That's not how sex works at all. First of all, I start tired and sweaty and hungry and goes downhill from there.

Yeah, I don't stop having sex when I get too sweaty to have sex. I stop when I want to get on my phone. Then I ejaculate and get on my phone as God intended. That is a sign of the times. Is that how lesbian sex works? You go at it until you get too sweaty and then stop and then come back to it later. Does that see?

That doesn't make sense. Well, I don't know how you'd be expected to know that. Do they have a whistle or something? Like, just like calling it. Yeah. Yeah. All right. And then they slide down.

Yup. Lesbian Branise Oruses. Mm-hmm. Uh, am I wrong on that? Erica? And then they slide down, yep, lesbian, brontosaurus, is am I wrong on that? Erica? No, I mean, they get a snack and do it again. I guess, yeah, I want a nap right after. What are you talking about? See?

Doesn't make sense. So it's just randomly good night. I'm going to sleep. Don't touch me. I'm you're too hot. Right. Away from me. I'm going to sleep don't touch me. I'm you're too hot right away from me. Yeah

So if you're not hit to the normally mean you Billy Ray Cyrus has ended Ray Fisland. Oh, he did it He hopped on the remix. He made a song that everyone loves white people love it Black people to love it. You can love it. I wrote it to me. You can love it, black people to love it, you can love it irrotically, you can love it out of spite. It's a shitty thought, but he still did it. Everyone loves it. Like Michael Jackson, to do with Michael Jackson tried to add racist with his music, turned out like rap. Billy Ray Fyras, he just hopped the track and said. Oh, don't you be wrong. It's fire. What was he talking about?

I don't know what track is. I don't think that's like that. You know what he's talking about? Really race Cyrus. Yeah. What's he talking about? Michael Jackson did try to end racism. He didn't do it.

It was a pretty lame song. Yeah. We are the world. No, black or white. There are. There are the world was for. Yeah. it was all about little kids holding hands. That was that was relief for Africa. No, we are the world by Michael Jackson is about ending racism. Every Michael Jackson song is about ending racism. Don't you know

that? Where the world was a huge cast of smooth criminal is real, perpetrating race, the racism onto the globe. Oh boy. Are you looking at a song about a killer rat from a movie? How does that end racism? I don't know what what song is that Ben the killer rat and the movie willer was called Ben Michael Jackson wrote a song called Bail I didn't know that yeah I don't know I guess he related to a killer rat Yeah, I guess he related to a killer rat. I know a lot about movies. I don't know if you noticed that.

Okay, here we go. Hey, Dick, I love the show. Just discovered it about last month through monthy Jones. And I want to show you what makes me a rage, even though I'm only on like episode 43. So if the boys now makes it on on I won't hear it for like month what makes you rage it's people who stop for you when you're walking when they're in your car they're car you know he's why make the rate doesn't make sense right there's being nice there's

something you pass but the thing is if they stop and there's cars behind them they have to stop and I'm just ruining so many people's day that it pisses me off I have to ruin that many people's day just because one person wants to be night so i'm just like i don't want them to stop for me. i do you know what he's saying? i do. he's saying when he's looking across the street and some good samaritan will stop their car and let him cross the street. he feels guilty. he just wants the person to keep going is he doesn't want that person's decision

to be forced upon everybody behind them. Yeah, he's right. Do a hand motion like no, you go. And usually they'll go, but everyone will come while there'll be that one motherfucker who will just make the same hand motion right back up. And he'll be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Tell your children about me, the guy who let you cross the street after you told them to just drive in their fucking car Because maybe you don't want to walk right now you got other shit to worry about maybe there's a hot girl See it in next to you. They try to work up the curds of talk to you. I know that fucking street works

I'm telling you to cry now cars. You know you know me. Yeah Is this is this a trick to get me to step in front of the car so you can just run me over right because that might be that If I if I there's there's 10,000 Minotated murder Yeah, just drive Just drive we don't need that in the culture. We don't need a three-way wave Oh, you can look across the street. No, just go no you go You can look across the street. No, just go no you go

Fucking hammer this just start spitting and screaming at their car until they go out of fear. Yeah, just start Pulse take you start taking your oh, yeah, yeah, okay Well, you got to go from zero to full blown homeless gets a frantic and about And they'll never do it again. Yeah. So this guy's gonna hear that response in a couple months. Yeah, but I got good opener to the show. So, imagine, remember when you left that voicemail and where you are now and think about all the things

you could have done in that time you wasted your life. Go. Get motivated today. Okay, let's see here. One more. Mm-hmm. Sure. Let's see one more. I always forget's see here. One more. Mm-hmm. Let's see one more. I always forget he's there.

Tony, have you ever ever happened to you? Or you're trying to cross the street and the guy waves you and then they put you under the gun because then you have to cross quickly. You know that their day, you know that their day cannot begin until you clear that car. So instead of a nice leisurely cross of the street you got to hustle your ass up. Yeah it sucks. All right. Well, Rick, if my wife or her mom ever hear this, that will probably end up getting a divorce. What makes me are the obligatory funeral. See my wife, my wife, they're all, hates a lot of her family members, her aunt is one of them. Who, I'll just pass away because, as it turns out,

if you are a fat cow of a diabetic, and you still eat sugar and shit, and just fucking graze on everything and smoke, change smoke like it's your fucking job, like you're a fucking factory, even after they've taken a leg, turns up, you fucking die after so much. Man, that's a shock. So I think you and myself that sucks to be them right? oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well, okay what you

yeah i've never met her i can give two shit about this day broad she's gonna get up and that i am living my children because you can't show up now it turns out one life right her mother needs emotional support right and mother need to

emotional support somehow the evocal court between them has fucking came all around me and i have a lot of god damn funeral

with the car and the other weapon but you got a pic

and the funeral no fun. Andrew Brenn at this wheel. I have to go to this D.P. What? D.P. Two where everybody's going to be sad and lonely. She's like, I probably sound like Maddox when I say this, but it's an image of fucking rage.

My entire weekend is shot because some bitch I've never met. I hate it. I hate fucking hate funerals so much. I hate going to them. How many females have you been to? I've been to a few, especially like the last few years. I had to go to my grandfather's and that like suck because I'm the only one in my family who doesn't cry. So like I'm sitting next to my family, they're all crying and I'm just standing there

like a fucking weirdo and everyone's staring at me and they're like, no, no. Is that all you were doing is not crying or you're doing weird stuff at the same time? I was just sitting there, everyone's bald over crying and I'm like sitting there like, all right, let's speed this fucking shit up.

And then I cursed off his sister saying I was a bazaar. I went to my grandpa's funeral. I think the preacher tried to make, you know, like I was saying, they once they have you there, they try to get you to, they try to rope you in. Oh, that's what's the Catholic. Oh, Catholics are the fucking worst. Yeah, he was talking about sinning and going to hell. I'm like, Motherfucker, is this really, you know, talking about a hell when you got a body up there?

In front of you. I want you to wedding once where the priest thought it was important to bring up 9-11 door in some speech. It's like, what the fuck is going on here? Yeah. Stay on topic. We're supposed to be talking about the worth of a man's life.

I don't want to be thinking about it. You know, I'm immune to it, but we got a bunch of old ladies in the audience who are now imagining that guy in fucking hell. Yeah. Are you feeling good about yourself, dude? The fuck doesn't matter with you. And they'll lie, too. They'll be like, he was such a great Catholic. You know, he, he really had God was in his life. And it's like, I knew the fucking guy. He got once. I think he was a fake Catholic. Like, they're all fake Catholics. They go two times a year for the grandparents and that's it. Yeah, the one...

The one... The most memorable thing about my grandpa's funeral was when he was a World War II veteran. They were the military guys were folding up a flag. That's what they do. They fold up a flag and they have to fold it up in triangles, right? And then straighten it out and then fold it again. And they started doing this and I could see them kind of getting off-cocked. You know like when you roll up a sleeping bag and you fuck it up and you're like, fuck,

fuck, start over, start over, yeah. Except they can't do that. So they tried to salvage it. Well they, they sold people. No, they're kids, which is even, you know, they're, they're like 18. So I see them start rolling it into a triangle. And the one guy, like, you can see the one guy, they can't speak, right? Because they're doing taps and they're lowering the thing. And I'm watching them just like internally cringing

at how they're, uh, oh, dude, like, oh, no, no, no, no, you fucked that one up. And he's going over. And then you could see him, he stopped for a minute and just like thought about it. You could see him go like, okay. This is getting a little off and they start like pulling it tight. Yeah, trying to realize. Okay, realign it.

All right, they saved it. Oh, that was very, we really felt really bad for those guys. I forgot. Okay, maybe, maybe one Okay, maybe one more. Dick, do you want me to tell you something, Paulie? This is the adjume I told you about, like doing the gym. Yeah. Fucking, I really didn't hate it.

You know, it could have been a good place if the gym owners had, the gym owners were competitors, their daughter was in petter too. Yeah. And like the Keeney stuff, you know. And so there was a guy just die. What the fuck was that? He's like a horrible thing. The final victim. So it's worse. Just there was nothing but boomers and people who can't speak English. I don't mean to be a certain way about it, but like I don't want to hear Spanish being spoken at super loud volume and nothing else except for boomer talk. That's really shit sucks.

I don't want to work around around that. So what about Spanish seems to be a very loud language, doesn't it not? It's not just Spanish. I've heard. It always has to be streamed. It's a very loud language. Yeah, it's a very loud language. Yeah, we're very loud.

Yeah. But no, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're,'re Armenians are loud Armenians is a it's a Armenian is a very loud language You must seems to be scream it to get the pronunciation right. Oh, no, I live in I live in Glendaels There's a lot of people who less see this new gym dick who do I see I see the fucking the daughter of the Jim owners of the last year. And I like to say, well, now I don't feel bad at all. Like your own fucking daughter who has free reign, whatever the house you want to a your gym, work it out of my gym, because your gym fucking sucks. And she's excited too.

I don't know. I might as well. I'm going to move. Yeah. He just moved. Like a fucking nightmare. But your own kid worked out in the other gym and not the gym that you give them know the place. You're a fucking nightmare. But your own kid, work out in the hundreds of you, and if you give them for free, you're fucking out.

You remember this suggestion box? Yeah, remember this suggestion box in the 80s. You'd see him in a lot of businesses. And you don't see him around much anymore. No, because that's why. That's why. That's why. That's because that's right.

That's right. That's right. What am I supposed to do about this? Yeah, so you see you in Australia. See you in Australia. Ericka, thank you for thank you for coming in again. Thank you. I hope to see you when we get back. We'll see you in Australia. Goodbye, everyone. See you. you