The Dick Show - Episode 151 - Dick on Life Subscriptions

Episode Date: April 24, 2019

A case for the $500 minimum wage, how companies pushing the possibility of failure onto you, how to fix the student debt crisis, Sean brings me something I asked for from Australia, polyamory advice, the importance of friends, bureaucracy, the American TSA, Sick Liars, women's need to buy and sell things, and an economist says I'm stupid; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Oh my God, it has been a dude. I have gotten a chiskele put on me. That's a hell of a word. I'm not kidding. Someone put a chiskele on me. That's bad. And I have been suffering from it. Yeah.

Well, have you ever had a chiskele put on you? I don't know that I know what a chiskele is. Well, it's bad news, my friend. Yeah. Someone put a chiskele on a jujube thing. What's a what nationality is that? The believes in chiskele is chiskele. They do it like this. It's a lay. Does that help? Does that help what nationality it is? Yeah. I swear to fucking God, man. This has been the most unlucky, not counting, not counting the Bitcoin crash. Week, we're Bitcoin went from like whatever $19,000 to $19, whatever it went to, not counting that week.

Actually, that wasn't the worst week, the most unluckyest week I've ever had, not counting, it's the week that I didn't sell it when it was at whatever it was. Oh, that's... Well, that's Captain hindsight, isn't it? So, yeah, Captain, there's a... There's a relative of Captain hindsight. Yeah. That is Captain, you should have known this, maybe. Yes. Captain, you Jackass.

That's true, and there's usually something telling you too. Yeah. You're like, why didn't I fucking listen to myself? I was right the first time. I couldn't do that. Yeah. It's the, it's boomeritis. That's what I got.

Boomeritis got a hold of me. Bad. And I thought, I'm the smartest man in the world. Yeah. This is, I can make no wrong decisions. Boomeritis got a hold of me and made me hold on to those bitcoins. But this month has been the worst month, worst couple weeks ever. Let me, I'm just going to start.

I'm going to start from there. I don't know if anybody's going to be able to hear this song. I hope so. I think so. But I'm just going to start. Waterboy has put together a special intro for the show to welcome you back to the Sean show. Now, why would people not be able to hear this?

Like, guys, we're having all kinds of problems. That's why I don't know why. Usually it works right away, but today I don't know if it's going to. Waterboy added his own little joke at the beginning. So just be ready for it. Okay. I don't like to surprise people.

That's my thing. Okay. I don't like any but I don't like to surprise people. That's my thing. I don't like any, but I don't like surprises. Am I gonna hate this? Okay, listen, listen to me. Here's why. If you give somebody a fish, you feed them for a day. If you teach someone to fish, you're gonna have a bad day.

Yes, that's what I love the under that. That's right. Can you imagine teaching a bitch to fish? Oh, yeah, all right. If you get quit, if you show, I wish I didn't know how to fish. That's how bad of a time I had today. Yeah.

If you teach a man to fish, look, people don't like surprises. Yeah. We can't get fooled again. Everything. Everything. Everything. A certain percentage of people are going to hate the surprise. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Okay. If you get like knock knock, who's there? Orange. Orange. You keep going with that again again. Okay. It's funny, but people got, I hate what you've done here.

Yeah, anyway. I'm very sensitive to it. Okay, but here it is, here's the shot. And there's your volume right there, that fader that's open, in case you need to. That's me? That's discourse. No, no, no, that's coming in on discourse. Ah, here, here, here, here, here, here's the shot.

Here's your young control here. No, no, no, no, that's that's that's coming in on Here just so you know, here's the here's your young control here. No, no, I'm handing this but well. I'm not handing this back I'm handing this back to you. I'll request it. Okay. I'll request a time from time to time Okay, when I have to play a song and I've got a lot of great songs, so make sure I do it here you go. Here we go Dick couldn't make it into the studio this week He has been replaced with a manchild with no responsibilities lest he fuck those up. Also, the show now belongs to Sean. Not yet. No will be no more me.

Sean. That's it. You got to do the, yeah. Fuck. Are we doing it? It was right there. That, that, that. Sorry. Yeah.

Welcome to Sean. You want to do that part? We don't know. We're not doing it over. We're not doing it over. Sean, you love Sean. You got it. It's the show where everything is a Sean test.

A Sean test. Well, is that like how many live, a rough Sean, malfunctioning bunker? Oh my gosh, Sean test. A rough Sean, right? He's show different pictures of Sean and you gotta say what he's going, what he's thinking about.

It's always the same thing. It's always the same picture. And people look into his eyes and read out landishly different things no matter what they're seeing. Welcome to the Sean show, everyone. Welcome back. Thank you.

That was by Waterboy. I liked it. I liked it. I liked it. I liked it. I liked it. I liked it. I was listening to it.

I didn't think that was actually an intro we were supposed to do. Yes, that was the intro. Well, I'm sorry. I did not do it justice. Everything will be back to normal. Wouter, Wouter Bois. Or however you say it. Welcome back. How you doing?

Every spell it. I'm doing good. Did you bring me anything? Yeah. From Australia? Yeah. Yeah. Some listeners gave you some stuff. Yeah.

I gave you some stuff that I misunderstood. Miss interpreted a text. I asked you for one thing. Yeah, you said, can you get me one of those? I don't ask for a lot, Sean. I don't ask you for a lot. I don't ask people for a text. I asked you for one thing. Yeah, you said, can you get me one of those? I don't ask for a lot, Sean. I don't ask you for a lot. I don't ask people for a lot. I asked for one thing.

Please bring me a kangaroo shirt, because we had Dick show merchandise, which seems audacious to still be selling merchandise at a show that I didn't, like what kind of asshole sells merchandise at a show he can't even be asked to show up for, right? But here's a dickhead went in pocket and produce those shirts not knowing that I would dick him over at the last minute and not show up for the show. So I figured the least I can do is sell some and band, they're great and they

look awesome. Yeah, look awesome. It's a kangaroo getting punched in the side of the head. Boxing glove punch crack. How Pratsky produced this incredible work of a kangaroo getting brutalized? It's pretty cool. Whoever's looking at it, so the crime is on them. Took me a minute to see the boxing glove, but then I took a step back and saw it for what it was.

It looks awesome. I see everybody wearing them. The kangaroo looks pretty evil. Sean. Yeah, the kangaroo is a dick. Sean, one thing I wanted you to do was get me a kangaroo shirt for Sydney. Well, here's what it's a text.

Yeah, it says, well, you grabbed me one of those kangaroo shirts and a can cooler in Sydney. Okay, and what are we selling at the show? I have no idea. No, I know that you know what we're selling at the show. I know that you saw a hundred. I know exactly how many you saw. I saw it around. But you didn't say from the show, like the show shirts. All you had to do was put the word show in there. And I would have totally understood. So we're selling. Yeah. We're selling shirts with kangaroos on that. I didn't even know what.

I saw some weird fucking thing. I didn't even know what I saw some weird fucking thing. I didn't even analyze. I saw some weird sadistic looking ghost kangaroo. All of the kangaroo. All we are selling at the show is t-shirts with a kangaroo and one can cooler. They're all over the place. They're all over the place. I didn't say one. I don't rage on one side. The dick show logo on my other side. I didn't see one. No rage on one side. The Dicks show logo on the other side. I still be cool, I still don't know what they look like. No idea what it is. From my description that I just gave you right now, isn't you, guess?

Yeah, but is it the kangaroo art? No, it says road rage and it has my small face on the other side. I'm selling those two things at the show. No idea. And that's right. No idea at all. No, none. I really, I'm no idea. I'm no idea. Those two things at the show is no idea. Never say it. No idea at all. No, none. I really, I'm not surprised. I saw the shirt.

You shouldn't be surprised. I did not see one can cooler. Cancosy were there are hundreds of them. We're all over the place. Debbie Cooler. They were all and everyone's back pockets when they talked to me. The one thing I asked for and what do I, you know, I probably signed some. I think you did. You know, I probably sign some. I think you did.

You know, I probably did. And what did you get me instead? You saw that and said what? And said, he wants a kangaroo shirt for a joke. He's going to do, that's immediately what I thought. I'm like, yep, he wants a kangaroo shirt because he knows that they're gonna, in the big cities,

they're gonna sell these dumb ass tourists, kangaroo Yeah, and he's gonna use it for a bit I go okay, I'll fine. I'll try to get the crappiest shirt I'll try to find a dumbass kangaroo shirt because why on earth would I think that you don't have merchandise that you are selling it a show? It's in Australia You don't have never hear that No, how would I get it? I don't make them in my basement. I don't clean shit my own shit

and then fold them and send them out. I know, but could they have been made here? In this studio? No! Nothing worked in the country. If you haven't noticed, nothing works in this studio. No, so it took us an hour to get started to it because nothing works.

I would have thought for sure you would have had some kind of samples or something sent to your home. Sean, you work out of the home. I couldn't even show up at my own tour. Do you think that I have this kind of foresight to have a shirt, a proof delivered to me? I don't know. I trust people to get it done right.

Yeah, right. You've assumed too much. Yeah. And I have no shirt Right. You've assumed too much. Yeah. And I have no shirt now. No, you don't. And it looks cool. Or a can cozy. Stubby.

Stubby. What the fuck is it? What's a canned stubby? You're in Australia for a week and a half and you don't know that they call them stubbies, of course, not drinking. No, of course not. I don't know what a stubby is.

So what did you end up getting me? Some stupid ass kangaroo shirt. From the airport. From the airport? Yeah. Which airport? The Sydney airport. Leaving or coming?

Leaving. You fucking asshole. Do you know what's going on? Sydney Airport. Sydney Airport has, dude, they got a lot of high-end stores in there. I'm like, fuck, that's when they gotcha. Like what? Like the stuff's like, like a invoice for a tag-

No, like to replace the one you lost. Like coach leather, like all kinds of shit. Like you're like, wow, damn, man. Sorry. A dickhead of send you on a... Well, maybe they're all bought. That's what happens, though. You'd like that.

They're getting bought out of that one. You don't get any. You'd like that one you you'd like So now I have a crappy this is so much funnier than if I had so much funnier than if I had brought you the goddamn Sure, you don't understand I never even came cursed. I have been this month. Yeah, it has been a Fucking chiskele month man called when a fishing turn would be snake bit I got snake bit on the tip of my cock and cursed by a gypsy and fucked by a black cat all at the same time.

It is, it's like that ductiles when Gladstone Gander gets his luck reversed by magic a dispel. You remember, surely you remember that episode, Sean. I don't think I do. Really. Just phenomenally, phenomenally bad luck. Because if anybody, you brought me a shirt. You brought me a shirt from the crappy shirt from the airport.

Well, I don't know if it's crappy or not. It's like, I was really hoping to get crap here. I was sure this was for a bit. How could it not be? No, yeah. I figured it not was for a bit. How could it not be? Yeah. Right. I figured it not be for you. You were going to show us the hilarious bit that I didn't get a shirt I asked for.

Well, it's funnier than a beauty cooler that I want to really crappy. I figured you'd go on wearing like some child shirt like you would bend to Australia or real life. Are you serious? I don't know. I don't know anymore. But I'll tell you what. I don't know. I don't know anymore, but I'll tell you what. I don't know either.

I'm the loser now. If anybody needed a win over the last couple of weeks, it was you. And the only thing that I could think of was we had no technical problems in those shows. Oh my God. And thank Christ because that would have been, I don't know how bad, if we couldn't have gotten you live via satellite, I mean, there would have been a murder suicide in my house. It would have been awful. Let me tell you how difficult, how difficult it is to, or how, I don't want to say difficult because it is shocked that that got pulled off.

Yeah, the first, the first city was great and went flawlessly, went better, I think, because it just happened. And there was a mad rush to get it, to get the audio and the technical requirements set by James. Who I can't say enough about. James Morgan, forget it. You can't stop. Once you start on that guy,

he's so fucking good, so personable, such a pro. Yeah. Fucking great. Too many details though. I know. He's got way, he's got a lot of it. Yeah, but he's stuck in the joke as soon as something that, you know, serious something that it's a,

well that's what I, yeah. Well I don't have one of these Australians. There's a lot of fucking with you. Yeah, in fact, I don't think their accents are even real anymore. I think they're collectively doing an accent to fuck with people, because if you pay attention,

they all have slightly different accents. You know what I was talking to a couple of Aussies, and they say, you know, our accent doesn't really change across the, you know, because they're saying, they're not sliding you. In the US, yeah, in the US, you know, our accent doesn't really change across the, you know, because they're saying that they're sliding you in the US. Yeah. In the US, you know, we obviously have different accents. Boston does not sound like Texas or anything like that. But to me, some of them, depending on where they come from, they have a little harder twang than others or whatever. Not no two of them talk alike. Well, you know, some of them have different have the same accent. It's all, they're all slightly

inconsistent because they're all faking it to mess with you. Some are just, they know it sounds annoying. And they're fucking with you. Now I'm trying to get banned from the country. Well, that's my new goal because my visa didn't come through. By the way, I still get a daily email update from the woman who waited until the 23rd. This is the 20th. It's still undecided or still pending. No progress. Hey, thanks for the update. Yeah.

Wonderful. Thanks, bitch. Yeah. Oh, God. Can you hear my stomach? It sounds like a ventrilla quisting. It sounds like it's coming from the heater. Yeah, because it sounds like I've been fracked.

It sounds like they did fracking up my asshole. That's great. I don't think I've ever heard anybody's stomach louder. Um, this is a Tuesday, this is a Tuesday fresh episode, because Sean and I were very sick. I was, I was very sick. Stupid, he's grilled got me sick. Me too. You know, you know what really makes me a rage is everybody in my life. My girlfriend got me sick too. And when, when girlfriends are sick, they just, they're such fucking bugs,

chasers or spreaders, they just want to get you sick. Like, oh, we haven't kissed in. We haven't kissed in like 24 hours or 36 hours. Like, yeah, bitch, get the fuck, we're not going to kiss for another, we're not going to kiss for another month. Mine goes, fuck away from me. I got shit to do. Mine goes, well, I think I'm good, because she had it early in the trip. Constant gaslighting. Constant fucking lies. Constant lies from sick people. Oh, you know, it's only contagious before it starts showing symptoms. That's great. Get the fuck away from me. I don't know about that. Get away. Stay completely away from me. I don't want to get sick. I don't want to get sick at all. I'm glad I got it on. It was on the day I left and then yesterday was bad too, but I'm

much better today, but I know it's fucking, fucking sucks. There's two things, they will give you sickness on a trip and they cannot ever handle their own luggage. That's another thing. Totally. Yeah. What does that, what do you mean? You end up having to, they pack too much shit or all of a sudden

Yeah, it's becomes about half your responsibility to handle the the fucking big one that they packed Yeah, can we switch can I can I push around the two carry-ons and there's some reason why the hair dryer in the hotel is Not satisfactory for your fucking hair Is your hair know that does your hair know that things are more convenient? And this way, and we'll spite you somehow, why do you need this? Why do you need a whole suitcase of hair, of hair, shit? Don't know.

How else was your trip? It was great. Yeah. It was great. I won't lie. Yeah. You're welcome. It was great. Yes. You're welcome. Yes, John.

Thank you very much. Yeah. No, it You're welcome. It was great. Yes. You're welcome. Yes, Sean. Thank you very much. No, it was a thanks for those great. A lot of really, really, the best part was the people. It was very cool. Yeah, very really. Yeah, the best part was the people, meeting all the people, sharing stories with them,

talking to them, mostly talking shit about you. Ah, well, talking to them. Mostly talking shit about you, I can't believe it. Well, that's nice. Yeah. Yeah, it was, it was, it was sharing stories about their lives and the impact they had and the camaraderie of the show and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, you know, I'm glad that it's old hat for you.

Oh, you're so cynical already with that. It's very good for you. Yeah, they talk, you know, they talk about how much the show means and, you means and that kind of stuff. Uh-huh. I'm sure that was great. It's really annoying. I hope you really enjoyed that.

Yeah. I mean, you know, if you're into that sort of thing, if you, you know, I mean, they're all idiots. We fooled them all, right? Watching you meet people before the Sydney show. Oh, yeah. There was that big line of people. I felt like I was watching a girlfriend's porno tape.

Really? Yeah. Oh, I'm not sure what to say. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Watching you, watching, being cucked by you with all the, with all the amazing meet and greets that happened before the show.

Oh, before the show. Oh, before the show. Watching the audience without me, basically. Sorry. Very cupped. You know what, you know what, it's funny about that. I don't know how much I've covered of this. Last week was very depressing.

I don't know if you listened to the show last week. Oh yeah. Your first mission was terrible. So I assume that you didn't. Yeah, I don't know what, I don't know what happened with that. Oh yeah. Well, I, yeah, I'm not sure there was a hell of a lot of bleed into your mic from the other two, like more than normal,

but thinking that I'd have, you know, an interface and headphones, I didn't, That's enough, that'll be enough of that. Yeah, I had ear buds and it all sounded like shit. And then I pulled in an old episode and it sounded like shit. So I didn't tell you, so that's what it's supposed to, yeah. But I changed some things and got your voice better. Thank you.

Yeah, but yeah. What was I gonna say? Oh yeah. So the funniest, the repeating meme that came out of dealing with this trip that got destroyed was the amount of people who looked quizzically at me and 80s girl and said, well, you didn't go?

Wait, 80s girl didn't go? Yeah, that's, yeah. Like, what do you mean you think it was a choice? Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. I can't, I couldn't even imagine that scenario. Right. Like, oh, you can't go. I'm going to go with Sean. Okay. Knock yourself out. Yeah. Yeah. Enjoy the king size bed. Yeah. It's these. And it doesn't even come from. It doesn't come from a place

that's as retarded as I'm making it sound. The very first customer service people we dealt with at Delta to see what assuming that the visa would be approved immediately. The next day, and then we could go the next day, Jesus Christ is fracking, is getting out of control. If you, if you had, well, if you put a lighter next to my asshole, I think you'd get one of those like permit, like JFK's, like the permanent flame. The Flint water.

Yeah, like the Flint water supply. This woman who I was not speaking any kind of English that I've ever heard, completely devoid of pronouns. Okay, okay. Which is bad in a customer support role because you never know who the fuck she's talking about. Yeah. Well, if you call they and ask them, I'm like,

Pitch, if you've got to be kidding me, if your time, you've got to be deluding yourself, if you think your time is worth more than a fucking sign on a stump, I can get more value out of some carvings that a guy did on a stump for $100, then your entire fucking life. You are of no value, no value to me. And every single person in the process, these wage junkies that we pretend have value when they absolutely don't

a form, a sign stuck into the fucking ground has more value than the minimum wage, shrubs and slabs and mutants that I don't even want to consider people because at least not people of a functioning society. Because they have no worth at all. Well, this goes back to like the 15%

or whatever we're talking about that just they're just not capable of contributing to society. And the question is what to do with them? Don't put them behind a desk. No. Don't get them within 50 yards of a computer. Keep them restrained from computing devices. Yeah.

Look, Siddhar, looks at, after we explain what happened to them, oh, there you go, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, and you didn't go? Yeah. It gives this look like, is that a joke? What do you mean? Right. What the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah. You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. The worst part was looking at your car in the front yard for two weeks. That was one of the saddest pictures I've ever seen. You put that up and I was like, oh my God, that really is what he's staring out at. Every day, every day I walk out to go buy whatever losers eat for lunch. The laughing losers making is I, I, I, yo, Shanoia every day as punishment for being stranded.

Oh, God. I walk out every day to see Sean's car parked in the front yard, as it's getting more and more like covered in dust. So you know, I've been gone longer and longer, right? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Every day.

He's still God. The fucker. Yeah. I almost had it towed just, just tow yeah, every day. He's still got the fucker. Yeah, I almost had it towed. Just tow it. Just for fun. Get rid of it. I don't know who parked here. I don't know who this is.

Get rid of it. Turn it in, take it apart. What about funny? Take it apart and reassemble it inside of a public storage container so you can't drive it out. Oh, that's funny. Like, Bakes Beans for a while. That's funny. Like Bakes Beans for a while. That's funny.

It is so weird. I think Melvin went, went, okay, for what it was. Sydney, I don't know. Sydney was a little rough because I got to tell you the feeling of doing one of these shows where you cannot hear or say anything is like trying to fuck in the, is like trying to fucking the dark. I mean, hear or see anything or say, you can't hear anything because the audio would

gate out when I would talk. So I can't, I'm up there trying to tell my spicy jokes and I get silence and all this I'm like, oh, God, all right. Oh, wow. Whoa, no, no, no, I mean, fucking nightmare. Well, no, that's, you're good because it didn't come off that way. I would, I, no, no, no, I mean, fucking nightmare. Well, no, that's you're good Because it didn't come off that way. I would yeah, I'm sure you're you're so you had to be so in your head about that I couldn't have done it. That's that's fucked up when you're completely in an ISO tank like that

And you're like who am I talking to who am I there's no interaction you play guitar imagine just performing With you can't hear anybody. It's like And then it's just over like well That's a big ol' motsuball hanging out there. Wow So I got way too drunk because of that sure I mean and it was four in the morning. I know I know bad about my I mean, and it was four in the morning. I know I know bad about my behavior in Sydney. I hope it wasn't too bad.

Nobody said anything. No, tons, lots of people, and they did this. They said, like Dick feels worse about this show than any of us. I'm sure they said, there are people were like, you didn't need to give a refund. Like, I mean, that's, I could have lived with myself. No, because you, that's what I said. I said, that is fine with you. I said, that's, I could have lived with myself because you, that's what I

said. I said, that is fine with you. I said, it's not fine with him. And that's all that's going to, it gonna matter. But it was like, they're like totally entertained. Had people who were at, they were at their first show. They were brought along by friends. And they were like, I don't know anything about this show. I was totally entertained. Well, that's good. Yeah. Like going on and on. Oh, that refund was hard. I'm sure that it was. I'm sure that it was. No, that's brutal. But like you said, it's really, it's the only thing that you would have done. Oh, okay, that's rough. I hear a, I hear a Virgin got laid in the Virgin contest.

That's fantastic. In Australia? No, I don't, not in Australia, but I just heard about it on Twitter. That's wonderful. Oh yeah, that's the last thing I would have needed. 80s girl hanging out with Australian men for a week and a half.

Yeah, you don't want that. Oh, that would have been the end of me. Yeah, what could you conjure up in your head alone, what have driven you to suicide? Yeah, that would have been it. Well, who took this picture? Yeah, right, exactly. And also just for Sydney, obviously, Ian, I don't know if he is last name or not. Oh, yeah.

Davis, gave us the interface and Dan and that's the at cook. Yeah. One other guy, Chris something. No, those guys are, yeah, they came together and pulled off the Sydney show, but it's I'm thrilled that both shows went off technically without a hitch, which was fucking mind blowing. Yeah, it was. technically without a hitch, which was fucking mind-blowing. Yeah, it was. Too much. It's too much in the hands of people who get paid for minimum wage.

We've extracted everything to a point where you have absolutely no contact with the person who is deciding your fate. I know. I know. I know. I know. And I knew it's been a rage of mine for years. It's getting worse. It's getting worse.

And they brought you through the matrix till you fucking give up. Yeah, it was really the entire two weeks. I was just thinking, okay, what's gonna be next that totally blows this, that pushes me right over the edge, falling down style. Just day one, day one I busted through, I busted through my flip flop, my treasured flip flops,

which are like a sun to me, that I've had for years. We've grown together with, they've outlasted relationships of mine, my precious leather flip flops. I blew through the toe. I thought, well, this is it. This is the Bukowski Broken Shoelace Poem. This is going to be it. This is the one that fuck, this is the one that fucks me over. I, for the show, or for the Australia trip, we got 80s girl and I upgraded our phones so we could get nice cameras. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And the contract I was under had this stupid little stipulation on it where you can't do upgrades anymore. I don't know why that is. I assume that they, I assume they figured out that morons will pay infinity amount of money for new phones every time they come out and there's no reason to. Right.

You know what? I think they finally figured out that there's no reason to keep people engaged in the contract because there's just nowhere else to go. Like this goes right back to what you were saying about you get isolated from the person. It's because they can. Yeah, because where else are you gonna get it? These so many monopolies now, or near monopolies,

you just get put it, it's like, fuck them. Where else are they gonna go? Where are they gonna go to T-Mobile? Yeah, no, no, obviously not. So they've got this system where now, if you, where now if you send your phone back halfway through, you can get the new phone. It's just like the old system, right? Except in the new system,

they still charge you for the phone, and then credit you for the remainder after you send it back, right? Mm-hmm. So we're going to the store. Say, hey, I'd like to do. I'd like to take you up on this little offerino that you got where I give you my iPhone. I give you my phone that's insured, by the way,

because I drop that shit all the time and having a case looks stupid. It's a good idea because you will break the fuck sometimes I do it for fun. Yeah, throw it against, wow, you have my insurance. Yeah, fucking, fucking visa. Do you ever want to rent a car, pay the insurance and then just bash the fuck out of it?

Every day. Yeah. So I go in and I say, yeah, I'd like to take you up on this offer. I give you my phone, you give me a new phone, you know. I'm pretty sure that's how this works. Oh yeah, traditionally. Well actually it doesn't work like that.

What happens is you buy this phone and then you mail your old phone in and then we credit you the remainder. And I say, knowing that people will probably not all mail that phone in. And I say, I remember, see, I know that kids will grow up in this system, but I remember when I could just come in

and give you the thing, and you give me the thing, and then you take care of all the fuckups. Yes. Because every single part of this process that you've introduced has the new opportunity for a fuck up. Right. That's going to not benefit me.

It's going to hurt me and it's going to benefit you. All of the sudden, all of the liability for fuck ups is now on me so I say, okay. Yep. Fantastic. Well, just so you can see, it's totally fine. It's fun. Here you go. you pack it up.

She goes, all right, here you go. Put it in the box, slap, slap, slap. All packed up. Here you go, sir. Here's the box that you can mail at your earliest convenience. It's already, postage is already paid, but here you go. Said, why? Right. You do it. go. Said, why?

You do it. Yeah. The mailbox is right the fuck there. Ready to go. You walk out and do it. Because this is a fucking curse that you're putting on me. To do this one now. Because if I drop it in the mailbox, it's gonna fuck up.

So what do you know? Oh no. Halfway through the, halfway through the Australia debacle, I get an email saying, oh, we got your phone from Verizon. It's two, it's two fuck, it's absolutely inaccessible. The condition is absolutely unacceptable. We will not be crediting you. We will, we will be charging you the credit of four hundred dollars or whatever it was and now you gotta fight them and it's said it's and it said this is the best part in the email there was a link to see the damage I click on the link fucking for a four page dead link click on it doop this link is valid. Go back to you must have mistyped it or something.

It's two miles long. None of this is an accident. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Of course. It bureaucrat, oh, of course it is. It's fucking awful. I think people are just starting to come to the realization or just have a little peak into the realization

of how badly we're getting fucked on a daily basis. Well, I don't know how you believe in your country. I don't know how you believe, you know what I mean? A monetary system or your school system or your friends. It's baffling. Can't even get a kangaroo shirt.

Sorry. You could have said, show. I didn't know they were kangaroo shirts. Sean, I'm gonna be so specific from now on. I'm afraid of that. I'm gonna write, I'm gonna be responsible for long emails. I'll have any, I'll send everybody an email that 20 lines long. Fair enough, just add one word, the show shirt.

The show kangaroo shirts. So I call up customer service, of course. Oh, God. And they say, oh yeah, LinkedIn work. Yeah. No shit. Well, what do you mean? Can you...

Okay, first of all, how is it, how is it insured? How can a device be insured and that it's in unacceptable condition pre-examined in pre-existing condition? It doesn't, it doesn't work like that. It is in by virtue of it being insured. It is at all times in pristine condition. That's the nature of the insurance. You stupid motherfucker. This is never can it be unacceptable. Never can it be. It is bound by this contract to be in perfect condition at all times. You think you're you're living in like an alternate universe where everything world. It is. No, it's fucking clown world. I fucking world to explain to every minimum wage jockey basic precepts of yeah basic

concept right it was insured oh god it yeah no but you don't got it you need this explain to you because you live your entire life like microwave instructions you stupid fuck. Yeah, fuck that. I thought insurance was just an extra, you know, whatever a month that just somebody paid, just, you know, for fun. Yeah, yeah, that's why I have it.

So she says, well, problem is that insurance transferred to your new phone when you upgraded. That's right. So then the old phone doesn't have insurance. Right. So as soon as you did that, you walked out of the store right before the thing was mailed,

the insurance expired. Transfer to the new phone, which is safely in your possession, not ready to get butt-fucked by the UPS guy or the FedEx guy or whatever creative way ways he can break the mother fucking thing who knows Oh, I said well, can you see it? Can you at least tell me what's wrong with it? They can they send you a picture link. Jesus now link doesn't work. All right. Well give it a shot Oh, you guys got to I know you got the pictures around this so she finds the pictures. Oh, yeah, find it

She finds the pictures. Oh, yeah, she finds it. She finds the pictures. Yeah. Yeah, this isn't unacceptable condition. Is it okay? What's wrong with it? What about the insurance? Shouldn't get that right out of your head. Oh, no, that was transferred.

Say, loud, that was transferred. There's, it's all, it's all, there's a chunk out of it. Really? Bottom, yeah. That wasn't there. Yeah, that's what I guess, you. Are you sure that wasn't you? Why would you ask?

Why are you even asking that? Oh, yeah, no, shit, that was me. Sorry for wasting, sorry for participating in this. Obvious fraud. How about if the package was fucking bashed up, what you know it was. You know it was. Of course it was.

How about the guy at the factory pulling it out of the box, blip? You know that's seen in the beginning of Ace Ventura where he's fucking kicking the thing down the street. Like that's a documentary. A lot of people don't know that. That is how you, my God, speaking of that, I got a, I got sent an Amazon email that was delivery inside

your garage, your garage. How do you feel about that? They come by and they'll open your garage and put a package in. And I said, I would, I responded on the thing. I would rather be raped by demons than leave one of your fuckball employees in charge of making sure my garage door is shut

that they didn't put the package in front of the fucking sensor. So my entire house gets robbed. Are you guys insane? Then where do I go when I come home and find out that a dozen bombs shit all over my house. What then, what Indian do I text? You think they'll buy you Stanley Steamer? I don't think so.

You guys gonna make that one right? Yeah. No. No, F don't, please don't do this. Please don't do this fucking initiative. I'm fine with just missing packages. I'm fine. Yeah, yeah.

Start a rumor that some of them are booby trapped. That's way better than going into my fucking house. Yeah, let's see. If you follow this to its logical worst case scenario conclusion, which is worse, me getting a package stolen or me getting my house stolen. House destroyed. Yeah.

Or just, you know, a guy coming in and living in the ceiling. Have you ever seen that? I have heard about that. People in New York, they're like hidden cameras, or they do surveillance cameras, and they'll discover that somebody's just living in their house. It's fucking out of their fridge and shit. That's got to be one of the creepiest things. There's been at least, I think, one or two serial killers I I have read about that, that did that.

Oh man, that is creepy, man. So what a fucking, there's nothing more infuriating than that. Because you're dealing with incompetence, you're dealing with everybody's there to throw up a roadblock. And, and you're dealing, you have to do everyone's job. Yeah, I can explain to them

that they have the concept of their job. Even if they have good intentions, they're too stupid to understand the concepts. So she finally gets the pictures, which finally gets access to them. I'm like, all right, we'll send them to me. Because I can't do that. Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

Now there's, right. Now it's some kind of right, we'll send them to me. Yeah. Because I can't do that. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. Now there's, right. No, it's some kind of security, right? Keeping you safe somehow. Why not? What do you mean? No, you got a phone on you. Just take a picture and send them to me. No. Sorry, I can't. No. Why not? Uh, good. We are not going down a good path. I finally got a, finally, after a couple of people, I got a compromise that I would be refunded after I've been charged for it. I need to call back.

So there's just another thing that you might forget about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. No, that's exactly what it is. Like, you've wasted your time and wasted until finally, you just, oh, I got a call on that. Next week's like, fuck, I forgot to call on that. And then you have to just forget it. I saw that expired, sir.

That was 10 years ago when you were supposed to do that. Can you think of how many millions and millions of dollars, fucking sham setups like that generate? It's an army, there should be a minimum wage and it should be $500 an hour. If you are not producing that much value, stay home for God's sake. Stay home, plant some pumpkins in your front yard, eat pumpkins, grow a house out of pumpkins and live in one, but this world we have built where

and the people whose time are worth pennies are controlling your fades. And the problem is not working. It's all over the world now though, because these companies have reached everywhere so you can't escape it. You go, oh, maybe it's not like this in some way. It's like, no, it is.

It's worth, because it's the same fucking thing. We build these systems, these CRM systems or whatever the fuck they are, build them, shit bags, coked out shit bags, sell them over three martini lunches to companies that use them and staff them with the Dregs of society to ruin our fucking lives and it's getting worse and worse and worse every amount of every amount of human interaction is taken out of the of human judgment just taken out of the process and replaced with a with a flow chart. You know that does not work. This started, this didn't start, this started before then,

but I noticed this, red light cameras. Oh yeah, you think about that? Now a cop has judgment. Yeah. It was 130 in the morning in a one stop light town and you, you know, they probably don't have red lights, but whatever, and it's like, look, nobody's been, you stopped for a minute, you ran the red light, it's like, red lights, but whatever. And it's like, look, nobody's gonna, you stopped for a minute, you're around the red

lights, like, don't be stupid. I missed it, I'm sorry. Yeah. Like, I just, I'm like, yeah, there's not a hundred percent chance that you're getting a fucking ticket because there's actually, there's actually, because I got a job in there. Yeah, you are, getting it, you are going to jail. It's, yeah, it is the judgment. Right. go to jail. Yeah, it is the judgment. The judgment has shifted from individual male centric

authority judgment to mob hysterical mobs. It's one of the most depressing things that I think about. It really is bad, man. It is fucking, it's, it really is, it's, it's bad, man. It is fucking, it is bad news, but you can't, we're taking, yeah, all the humanity and just the like, oh, you know what? Let me see, let me see what I can do about that. That's a, yeah, I understand that the situation is fucked. Nope, checklist. Yeah, have I answered all your, is there anything else I can do for you? Don't say it.

Just don't, you know, you didn't. Right. Is there anything else fucked? Why are you, why are you saying it? Right. It's death by 10,000 cuts to bricks. Yep. A death by, death by 10,000 bricks. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I got a, I got a bed, I got a bed delivered. You know, a few things that I'll spend money on is nice furniture every 10 years. Yeah.

Get a nice set of furniture that I can actually total ass hole about it. Spend so much time on it a couple of years. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. They show up to deliver the bed, open the box, and nobody, the person who packed it didn't put any padding in it.

Oh, that's all busted, the shit. Oh no, even like, what, like metal parts, like, would, all the wood is all bashed together. It's all dead. It's all dead and stuff. Yeah, I walk out and I was like, oh, well, what do you want us to do?

Well, what do you think? Take it back. Yeah, it's all busted, the shit. What do you mean? From their store. This was the day, day four of the unluckiest tour, Take it back. It's all busted to shit. What do you mean? From their store. This was day four of the unluckiest tour, the bad luck break.

And they said, yeah, you know, they used to do it where we'd look at it before we deliver it and make sure it was okay. But now, and then deliver it. But now they have this new system where they created up in China or wherever and then we don't open it until we deliver it. So this is happening a lot more.

Yeah, I'll bet. Yeah, because it's coming for it's real fucking and fucking optimized. I'm sure this system is optimized as shit. Well, I love that they admitted that there was a problem because they had to inspect them before they delivered it. Oh, yeah.

They fixed the problem. Right. They removed the inspection. Right. Right. Oh, it They fixed the problem. Right. They removed the inspection. Right. Right. Oh, it's so fucking infuriating. Um, so that's, uh, I'm depressed too much. Too much, too much is in the hands of people who do not, who are not affected. Uh-huh. At all. Guys delivering it. That's right. Not involved. No. The guy receiving it, not involved. Just a guy enough screen, not involved. No. The guy receiving it, not involved, just a guy enough screen,

6,000 miles away, moving a column from one to the other. I don't even know how I got into this. Was that even what makes you a rage? Did you even do that? I don't think so, no. I don't think so either, but no, no, no, no. Hold on, I gotta take a bathroom break and I'm gonna play a song.

Okay. Oh, Sean, this is not a good day for me. No. All I'm saying is minimum wage, the higher the minimum wage is, the less morons are working. And every moron who's working is fucking you over. Make it, make it 15 bucks,

and then everybody who can't cut it at 15 bucks will not be hired. Stay the fuck home. I will figure out how to feed you when we get around to it. Well, that's, I mean, that is one of the arguments for what, or what of the, you know, one of the arguments that a lot of people say is bad, but it's really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you got a problem.

You got a problem that you got no food. Fill out this fucking form. Yeah. And somebody, somebody who could cut it at $15 an hour work, will show up with the Big Mac. But you, you're done making decisions. Yep. I would solve a lot.

I would've known. Here is. Oh, here's a song about bureaucracy. What do you know? Let's see who wrote this one. Baby Jesus, I love that guy. Baby Jesus with bureaucracy. Here you go. Still doing it? Yeah. JFK.

He's in there, coming at you. Maybe Jesus. You're using your sanity Can't end up there while I be Oh. With a humanity Wherever You're in That's cool. Yeah.

And if you've ever been there, feel like I've been at home. And if you'll ever be there Feel like a refugee And let's leave, trapped in bureaucracy Why can't you see it's a conspiracy? And let's leave, trapped in bureaucracy Why can't you see it's a conspiracy? This is fucking cool man. He needs a deck metal lyricist vocalist though.

You want the Cookie Monster vocals? Yeah, yeah. I don't know what this is like a cookie monster vocal kind of song because I like it. I don't know what screamer. That's what it needs. I can't do it. I can't do it because I'm sick. Right.

Doesn't it, don't you think? I love that part. I love that part. Yeah, like a DO or somebody? Yeah. Yeah. Alright, thanks, baby. I mean, if he wasn't dead, deode.

Yeah. That's your hairy deode. Take the podcast, though, with the Sean Show must go on. The Sean Show. The Sean Show. I don't spend money on furniture. Yeah. Now,

well, neither do women. Oh, I was cruising on 80s girls, diamond basement, Borg and furniture for all these years. Yeah, women don't spend money on furniture. Yeah, they'll get the crappier. Women love buying, women love to be in a constant state of buying and selling as much as possible. Like garage sales, love it.

80s girl has offer up now, this app where you can just sell shit and she's pulling copper out of the wall just so she can list something on this thing to sell. They love it. They absolutely love it. I'm surprised you don't see more lemonade stands of just chicks in the front yard trying to sell like moths. 32 years old, selling, yeah. Yeah. Funny. Let me see here. National parks made me a rage. I talk about student dead. I got one. What do you, what makes makes you rich? Well, we've had this before, and I think if anybody did it at the last show,

but I have experience with the, our lovely TSA. Okay. It's been a rage on this show probably multiple times. Yeah. Well, it works though. They do, and now the United States is infecting other countries with the TSA.

Have you gone through in another country coming back to the US? I haven't been out of the country in a long time. Well, I haven't been through the TSA. Have you gone through in another country coming back to the US? I haven't been out of the country in a long time. Well, I haven't been through the TSA in Australia. I'll tell you that. But it's our TSA. Oh, I know what you mean. Go ahead. So now your passport, basically very few people have to look at it.

You scan it and I'm assuming what it does is while you go through security, it probably complex algorithm of a bunch of facial measurements, all that kind of stuff, right? Oh, yeah, you think? Oh, yeah. Do you think that's what they look for? What in the, in the, not them, the cameras. I would think it would have to measure things like, you know, because you could prove people are like the destiny to hear your identity. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how, all right. I All right, I mean, I'm just assuming that's how it works. I mean, what I found with assumptions

is that it's usually not. It's usually something that's very insecure and crappy. Okay, well, I don't know. They seem to be implemented all over. So the thing goes, yeah, I'd like, you know, recognized, prints you out a little ticket, everything like that. So we go to the gate, it's quick and easy.

This is flying from Brisbane back to L.A. Now we're in line, and I notice the line's not moving. And there's a TSA agent, as far as I know, the TSA is an American creation after 9-11 by the Department of Homeland Security, right? And Satan, yeah. And Satan. So there's a guy there looking at people's passports

and asking him questions. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? He, we get up there and he proceeds to ask this series of absolutely retarded questions. Yeah. He kind of opens, opens a passport, looks at me. Says, do you hold another passport? No.

What's your full name and birthday? Oh, that's a stop. Um, has it, do you have you have you, they catch with that flip up? Have you had your luggage? Have you had your luggage in your possession the whole time? Did anyone ask you to carry anything on? Okay. This is a requirement of the TSA. It's the last thing that he says. So now

America is unleashing its fucked up TSA bureaucracy, which is rife with corruption. As of 2012 or so, they had a $2.7 billion operating budget. It is they steal, they fucking hang on to hang on to pictures of dudes and chicks. And they can't do that. Yeah, after saying that, oh no, they can't do that. It clears like when the, you know, the car doesn't, of course it does. It does. It's shooting it on their fucking cell phones. The TSA, I'll say. I guess it's just that hot naked chick out of any, a picture of a hot naked chick out of

anywhere. I just show it to me once. I'll drive it later. And I came back in town and now I have no underwear and socks, meaning that they must have gone through the bag. Did it forgot to fucking put it back? They were in the, yes, they stole your underwear. Yes. As best I can figure it. I don't know where else it would have gone. They just dumped it out. I got a dog got into it. I don't know, but they, because I had to like dirty clothes side and the thing and they just lost it all. Yeah, it into it. I don't know, but they, because I had all my dirty clothes side and the thing. And they just lost it all.

Yeah, it's gone. They're gone. It was unaware in good socks, Goddammit. But that's, I mean, oh, not to mention the fact that it's completely ineffective. Oh yeah. Completely up to the last study say 95% of banned items got through when they tested them. Up to 70% of hand guns.

And we're just, we're just paying for this. And now we're fucking unleashing it on other countries, telling them, basically you have to do this. But then again, we've never really had a problem telling other countries what to do, right? I don't know how to, I don't know how that will ever be stopped either. I'm so fucking pissed off. Yeah. I'm so pissed.

They just, they, they got us off, you know, like a half hour late because that's what's fuck happening. Uh, yeah, and you're right, they don't catch any, they don't catch shit, catch any, they have stolen millions of dollars from people. There's a case where one airport in like a two year period stole like $500,000 from people and the TSA reimbursement. Money?

Yes, just straight money and the out of their luggage. Oh shit. Oh no, valuables, things like that, all that kind of stuff just gone. They, it was something like, it was like $500,000 and they paid back less than 30,000 of it just from this one particular airport. It's, they're a bunch of fucking criminals and they are.

They also bank on people leaving change in those fucking trays. They've collected millions of dollars from that shit. If the terrorists, I was thinking about this, because I figure I'm banned from Australia, if the terrorists would just target the right people, they'd have a lot more support. Like, if instead of going after flights and hijacking flights and flying them into like, people's jobs, if they just targeted TSA,

I would give that, I would join ISIS and Tuesday, be like, oh yeah, you guys, you guys finally figured it out. Exactly. Fucking awful. Fuck you, you guys finally figured it out. Yeah. Exactly. Fucking awful. Fuck you if you work for the TSA. And they are, they are barely mobile. They can barely communicate in English. I agree.

So fucking infuriating. Yeah. So stop going after kids. It's just another stop shooting up schools. You know, you know, you know, who everybody hates. It's just another face. It's just another face of what you're talking about. Yeah, exactly the fucking saying. It's really that's all I have this week. Like I went to, I mean, from national, so we tried to go to, we tried to

go to Joshua Tree. Yeah. And all the spots were reserved on the website. Like it's beautiful there. It's a national park. It's beautiful. We show up and half of the spots are gone because their reservation system has been changed and abstracted to such a degree for. For. Yeah, you show up to the spots. They all have this, this laminate that's screwed into every post that says reserved, but there's no way to like, there's no way to take over somebody's campsite or see which ones aren't actually taken.

Right. And then the rangers have no real time. Like you know these, you know not everybody shows up right they used to have a system where they overbook flights and hotels yeah like they used to have a system where the people running these parks actually wanted other people to enjoy them and would would put in some kind of minimal effort to fit you into a spot, but now they've got these fucking millennials whose only purpose in life is to follow rules because they've never broken,

they've been so conditioned to succeed like a bunch of like Japanese middle, like high schoolers that they can't deviate from one rule, like they would prefer, they memorize the purpose of rules versus the purpose of what their function is Yeah, right value the rules set more than anything so they show up they show up and ask you for your fucking papers In the middle of nature. Yeah If you don't have the papers and I know forget the fact that oh every nobody came up this weekend

I know forget the fact that, oh, everybody came up this weekend. I know this system. So I'm lying preemptively for it. 80s girl and I went up there, went up to Joshwood's group. I looked, I found on the incoming, the list of who's coming in that day. They've got it posted of who's coming in that day, which would be enough.

And I found a site, I took a picture of it, or she took a picture of it. And I found all the sites that nobody was coming in that day and were empty. What else you need? Right, right. So we posted, I was like 5.30 or something. So all the marks were gone for the day.

We posted up in a campsite, totally fine, asked around. People didn't even understand what the numbers were for because nobody gives a shit. They're just there to camp, right? right yeah go back the next day take another picture of the list of people are incoming that day our spot has incoming no problem I don't want to be a cock I'll move preemptively right so I shipped us over to the other side set up camp at an open spot these poor Filipino people come in next to us and I'm like, look, explaining the system. Fucking Ranger pops out.

Captain Marvel pops out of a Ranger truck. Walks right past us. Goes to the Filipino people, A, let me see your papers. Like, I mean, I'm not one to cry racism, but I think that was pretty, like this is, I think we just got white privileged out of this situation very well.

She's like, oh, you guys, you gotta get out of here. Yeah. Didn't say anything to you. No. Wow. What do you mean you gotta get out of there? Look at just look at the fucking pet, just look. Just look at it.

I know. Um, damn. Now they're banning drones. Like, I don't, I guess I'm in just in a really bad mood. I don't understand why they want, I don't understand why we preserve these parks if no one can go to them. Well, I don't understand why the fuck they're for.

Well, if I can't go, turn them into a fucking shopping mall. Yeah, I don't care. It's them down, but it's the incompetence. Strip mine. It's the incompetence. The park, the park would work fine. The campsites. Yeah, just don't care. It's them down, but it's the incompetence. Strip mine on it's the incompetence. The park, the park would work fine. The campsites. Yeah, just like that.

Fuck off. Yeah, figure out a way to do it. That's right. That's right. Remove the bureaucracy. All right. People will, if you get in a situation with multiple people, like people will work things out.

They'll figure it out. It doesn't automatically resort to fucking chaos like you think. No, it does quite the opposite. Student debt, big this week. I solved it. Yeah. Yeah. Just in case you want to know, let's cut to the chase. Okay, good. I need some good news.

I got one point. Yeah, I saw Elizabeth Warren humping this idea that student debt should be forgiven by the government. Which, if you've been paying attention, means just printing bonds. And then making our children pay the outrageously inflated bond prices when... Right. It's a very simple process. It's a very simple process.

It's a very simple process we have of forgiving debt by making people in the future pay for it. Yeah, we've been showing that up. I don't know. Defaulting on it and telling the schools, go fuck yourself. You guys are owed how much? 1.5 trillion. Maybe you should have stopped when you were owed 1.5 billion.

Maybe you wouldn't be in this situation if you had stopped right if you had stopped taking imaginary money when it became a problem for you but at this point it's kind of who you gonna call we're gonna call god and tell them to come cash in your one point five trillion everything fuck yourself everything short money thinking

one point five trillion uh... i got about a buck fifty on me yeah what do you want to meet in the middle I fucked yourself. Everything's short money thinking. 1.5 trillion? Yeah. I got about a buck 50 on me. What do you want to meet in the middle? Let's meet in the middle twice. Here's a, here's a, here's one point. Here's a 150 million. See if you could stretch that.

1.5 billion, trillion dollars is student, student. That, can you believe that? That's how much the cash cells have charged. That's how much they think, that's how much the castles have charged. That's how much they think, that's how much schools think releasing an army of people who've read three books and can't write a sentence that's less than a paragraph in length. That's how much they think that they contributed

to the value of our society, 1.5 trillion dollars. That's incredible actually. It is incredible, right? You've met college graduates. They're barely, they're functionally illiterate. They've read more Harry Potter than they've read it. Then they have actual knowledge.

For sure. A college graduate is so worthless that they have to be retrained as the moment they're hired for weeks. Yeah. They'll put an 18 year old in charge of a tank, but if you graduate college, you can't run any business in the country. Oh, God, yeah.

College, okay. You're in training for a couple of weeks. Yeah, you're going to need to learn how to actually be out and do some stuff. Yeah. I'm in. Yeah. One point5 trillion dollars. God damn. 2019, Americans are more burdened by student loan debt

than ever. Of course. Among the class of 2018, 69% of college students took out student loans. It graduated with an average debt of 30 grand. It's a whole website. Average debt of 30 grand actually seems kind of low. It wouldn't if you had just come out of college.

I don't think. Wait, yeah. I think it's, I think it's, I think it's, I was not people borrowed more. Well, remember, that's the average. Well, that's what, yeah, I, I don't know why. I have no reason to think that, but I just always seem to me like the average would be higher.

That's my problem with it is that the average is set so that you're paying it off for the rest of your life. Yes, like that's the ultimate goal, the ultimate goal of affordable mortgage, healthcare, student loans is that is not that you're buying something and taking a loan and then paying it off. It's that you're just paying a subscription fee to be an American for your entire life. Yeah. That includes these things, a 45 year housing mortgage student loans that can never be wiped away. Yeah. Yeah. That you have to pay for forever.

Right. Compounding it with your children's student loans. Yeah. Meanwhile, 14, let's see, including meanwhile 14% of their parents took out an average of $35,000 in federal parent plus loans for the kids. For the kids. Yeah, so, okay. Now it's making more sense.

One, yeah, exactly. 1.5 trillion in student loans spread out across 45 million borrowers. I didn't know that. So I thought it was way less people. I thought this was like a 45 go 1% problem student loans, but 45 more like a 15% problem or so, you know, 12, 13% problem.

Yeah, yeah. And the sad thing is is those are the people that have, I don't wanna say initiative, but like they're trying. So you penalize them for their life. Yeah, basically. Put a fucking yoke on them. That's about 520 billion,

more than the total US credit card debt. 15% of the student debt was held, 15% of the student debt held by the graduating class of 2017 was private. That I thought was very interesting because to me that says 15% of the student that is necessary and that the rest of it is just seen as free money. Like that means that means a private entity was willing to front this money. Right. So maybe there's a little more behind it than a free money.

Yeah, because it has more value to those people. Because somebody else decided to give it to you. Right. And you didn else decided to give it to right and you didn't just Pull it off of a you didn't just kick it in the money tree. Yeah, okay. Here's me, but here's my solution for it Maybe this should have been a bonus episode, but the total endowments of Private universities in the US It's $550 billion So it seems to me that private university. Yeah,. So it seems to me.

Private university? Yeah. Yeah. This seems to me like if they're, if they're owed 1.5 trillion and they have 500 billion, third sounds pretty reasonable. Why don't we just make the army force the universities to pay themselves all the money that they owe themselves by charging idiots, by colluding with the government to charge people who are desperate and stupid

to have a future for educations that were not worth it in the end. You see what I'm saying? They're sitting on a stockpile of on a stock pile of 500 billion dollars. Yeah. Which they don't, which, I mean, let me put it this way. Okay. If they're so sure that the educations they're offering are worth money, why aren't they the ones writing the loans? They've got the money. Yeah. Yeah. Why aren't they just fronting the cash clearly, money. Yeah. Why aren't they just fronting the cash clearly, clearly because they're sure that their educations are valuable. Right. Why aren't they the ones shelling out the money for it then? They have plenty. Sure. They're off by a third. Well, they're

not in, they're not in the business of, of taking any risk whatsoever. Well, I think they should be forced to. I agree. agree why not I'm forced to yes Elizabeth Warren gets her way and there's just forgiven our children are gonna be forced to pay it off forever No, you know, what is the point? What is the point of having all this shit if they don't have to pay for it themselves? Yeah, we have we as a society have long ceased having any kind of say in this stuff anymore. Yeah. Long, it's gone.

It's long gone and it's never, ever, ever coming back. That part I thought was interesting that their total endowments are only a third of what the debt is. Right. Yeah. Just take it, just confiscate it and put it into the and pay everybody. Wipe it and pay it off with their money, fuck them. Here's something else I thought was interesting and this was also sad about it.

Because as the price of tuition increases, my theory is that the cost of college, which is artificially driven up by the student loan subsidies that, you know, we have to pay for. That's what tax is. That's what income tax is, is paying off all these, all this debt forgiveness. That is worth, that isn't worth what universities have to pay for it, right?

That's the value of it is nothing because they won't pay a fucking dollar to, they won't loan their own money. So whatever they're willing to loan, they're the one selling it. Whatever they will or won't loan, that's what it's worth. Yeah. Everything else is an ad. It's worth a ton to them when someone else is loaning the money.

Right. I know how much a new microphone is worth. Yeah. The, let me see here, I think I missed a page. My printouts. Oh, yeah, here we go. Here's what bothers me the most about it. it, that the whole student loan fiasco has resulted in kids of rich parents as resulted in a gatekeeping mechanism where the children of rich people get to pass. And if you are not in that, if you are not in that elite of having to cat the cash to burn on what is essentially and according to the private universities who won't loan you the money to do it, which is essentially a worthless degree, they get kept out of the club. They get kept out of the cool kids club, meaning that from the get go, your SAT score is

directly related to your IQ. Let's just say it is. Okay, let's just have a, let's just say that there's some kind of correlation between an IQ score and a mathematical SAT score. Just for fun, because they seem to be, the test seems to have the same purpose, right? Yeah, I guess so.

And, ostensibly, that's what gets you into college. Your SAT score is very important. Now, if you're black or Mexican or whatever, not Asian, that helps too. But let's just say that this the score is certainly important. Once you're in the door, the dropout rate is like 60%, 60% or something like that. I think nationally, there's a 33% of kids in college graduate, which I thought was very low. Me too. And the reason I was able to find is it's either cost or balancing school and work. Cause like 50, which is the same.

To know. So you've got a system because of the skyrocketing cost of student loans and even the concept of forgiveness that the very rich kids get to persist in this world that's driven by a magical piece of paper, instead of just taking an IQ test. Just take the essay, just take the test that is free and open to everyone or that is a cost, a pittance, and use it for the rest of your life instead of this dog and pony money-making scheme of loans and debt that only serves to benefit the one and not the

one percent that actually makes the whole country money, but the one percent that sits around on their ass and tries to tell everybody that what they're doing is wrong and tries to prove how smart they are. Some of the stupidest people I've ever met are from Harvard. We're Harvard graduates. People whose minds were people whose thought processes were so perverted and bad that I lived at them like a fucking virus. Like I hope you don't talk.

I hope you don't ever talk in front of anybody else because you're thinking as fuck. That no point does reason enter into it. That's who is boosted by this system. because you're thinking as fuck that no point does reason enter into it. Uh huh. That's who is boosted by this system. Yeah. Um, anyway, I don't know if I had more on that. Well, for our next happy story, here's a song.

Here's a song and I have a place in voicemail. Here's a fucking song. It's about going to Greenland. Oh, here's a song by Save State Corrupted. Here's what I think we should just send him here's a song by Save State Corrupted. Here's what I think we should just send them to kindergarten. Just go back to fundamentals. Yeah, yeah.

Well, it's clearly, clearly most of the people in college just want to be in a structured environment without consequences. Sure, I think there's five ways to money out of that. College, just send them back to kindergarten. Hmm. It's cheaper and you get a nap. And you get a nap.

You get a nap time. You can show up in pajamas. You could color in your coloring book. It's great. You could stay on your parents' healthcare until you're 25. Yeah, there you go. It's called Domestik by SafeCore Up. That's the dumbest.

Oh God. Oh Take his the Thomas oh god Boys and girls and if you see in common to You better wait you better wait on tickets cuz the show might fall for the war a little bit And if you heard that he's coming to a show near you I'd place my best that he may cancel out of the blue It's the dust, the dust can't all night It's the dust, the dust can't all night It's the dust, the dust can't all night

It's the dust, the dust can't all night It's the dust, the dust can't all night It's the dust, the dust can't all night It's the dust, the dust can't all night It'll be Australia's turn. There's Keon. You can hear it. It was totally Australia's turn. Oh, I'll do this. Oh, that's great. It's pretty nasty to say. To kiss a dumbass,

the dumbest Mexican in the world. Oh, drop. It's pretty, it's pretty, it's pretty, it's it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, save state corrupted. Very nasty. Uncalled for totally. All right, I'm gonna read some advice.

We'll do some voicemails and we'll get the hell out of here. I don't know why. I'm in such a bad mood today. I am, yeah, yeah. I am kind of in a bad mood today, really. Everything's just compounding. Yeah. I don't know why.

I think it's because I didn't really want to come back from Australia. Good for you. Do you know that like seven out of the last eight years, Melbourne is rated the number one city in the world to live? Really? Yeah. Vancouver got in there for,

well, it's, whoever rates, it's like a bunch of factors, you know, your ability to make money there, the fatness of the people there. Just the overall life experience, you know, like it's, what kind of a life can you have there? Sounds wonderful. It does. You know what the worst city in the world to live in is? L.A.

No, no, no, but I'll give you a three guess about what region of the world it is and the first two don't have. It's kind of the Africa. Do they even count? Oh, no. I think this is, I think this is, I don't know that they count third world cities like that. San Francisco.

No, no, no, no, you're thinking you're, you're, you're, you're, you got to think Detroit. No, more along, more along religious lines for the world. Oh, Salt Lake City. You talk? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's Damascus, Syria. Well, I mean, that's okay. Right. I mean, probably not of your Islamic, they just say, no, no, no, no, no, it's with that. Not like you're a Christian living there. It's just, it's a big city that's terrible for the people from there. Oh, I see. From

the country to live there. So it's, yeah. How'd they, how'd they get that data? I don't know, I'll have to delve more into it. It's a, you know, like I said, it's a, it's a, it's a bunch of factors based on quality of life. I really need something to pick me up. Yeah.

Maybe telling people how to live their lives will do that. So you liked it. I really did. I found that stat that said everybody's 20 pounds lighter there. That was that blew me away. I 100% believe that or maybe it was just the women or 20 pounds lighter. That too. I think that was it. That too.

I happen to look up because I was like, are Australian women taller than, it seems like a men are too, are Australian women taller than American women? And I still say absolutely yes. Well, I looked at our height and, you know, height requirement for men and women and we're like exactly the same as Australia. And then I thought they have a huge Asian population there that's probably a much larger percentage. There's only like 24 million

people in all of Australia. I would say as a percentage of the population, they have in the big cities on the East Coast, they have a much, much larger percentage of Asians than we do. And because all the Caucasian Australian women, they're, it's not even close. I mean, they give you these stats, but when they don't have a racial components, they're, it's not even close. I mean, they give you these stats, but when they don't have the racial components, they're totally worthless. Well, no, exactly. Right. Right.

Great average height. Right. What goes into it? Right. It's like the average height of your household. What's the average height of your household? Yeah. Oh, five, two.

That tells me nothing. Right. Wonderful. You have two seven foot parents and five, two a half-foot kids or, you know, whatever. This is from Mason Steegg. I'm a 20-year-old college student who goes to the University of Utah. Same as the Miss shape in Armenian. Get out.

And I'm having trouble hanging out with my friends while they drink. I think there's a little history worth mentioning about my family history and drug abuse, and it really hurts to think about how my sister hasn't been a part of my life since I was eight years old until just recently, holy shit, man. I got friends I can rely on, but I keep twisting up their personalities in my head.

I feel like I'm disintegrating. Pretty extreme, don't you think? My friends are supportive, but I can't help, but I can't help but bottle things up until I'm ready to explode! And only one I find, only one I feel comfortable talking to is the Sean to my dick. Don't ever say that.

Well, you can't replace Sean. You can't just go ahead. No, I was going to say so. What he's upset with is he doesn't, it makes him, it weirds him out that his friends drink. It seems like it. Yeah, that he, I want to explain everything to my friends, but I'm worried I'll come off as a whiny little bitch.

And you will explanations, explanations are not something that they rarely are for the people who are being explained Explanations, explanations are not something that... They rarely are for the people who are being explained to. I find explanations are usually for the person doing the explaining. And everyone else has to just sit there and eat them. There's a lot of truth to that. Yeah.

These are feelings I've never had to deal with before and I feel like I'm making a mess. And I just want things to go back to normal. Nah man, there is no normal. You got a ditch, that's yeah. Yeah, I agree with that too. But what are you gonna say? No, I mean, he's kind of upset about his friends drinking

and he wonders whether he should talk to them. Yeah, but you know that drinking and that just seems like a way to tell them to stop drinking. Well, that's kind of what I'm gonna, you have to realize whoever, like they are who they are right now. And it's like you've gotta decide whether you, they have enough attributes that you like to be friends with them.

Yeah. And if for some reason it hurts you to see them drinking or something because you have a family history of it and you obviously are bringing a lot of shit to the party, then maybe don't put yourself in those situations. You can't handle the heat. Yeah, it's not, it's not, it's not for you. If you don't like that, maybe hang out with, I highly doubt their drunk all the time. And let's go to tech. I don't go to pee. take, I don't go to pee.

I don't go to people's game of thrones watching parties because I'll murder them because I hate that shit. Huh? That's on me. I don't tell them to tone it down. 20M, trouble hanging out with friends while they drink. Traumatizing childhood with alcohol and drugs. That's totally irrelevant. Let me start right there.

What's that? The reason, the reason why is totally irrelevant. Let me start right there. What's that? The reason, the reason why is totally irrelevant. I got problems with friends when they drink. That's it, full stop. I don't care if you don't like the smell, you don't like that they're acting like belligerent assholes. Reasons don't fuck a matter. Well, yeah, I mean, well, he already understands why.

Oh, I'm reading his email. That was in the email still. What, what was it? 20M trouble hanging out with friends while they drink, traumatizing childhood with alcohol and drugs. Yeah, that's what he's saying. Right. His problem is, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, yeah. Life is coming back together just as alcohol re-enters my life. And now I don't know what to do. Well, I want to work with my friends this summer to get over this, but I'm not sure I'm strong enough to surmount these feelings I've never had before. And he doesn't want to drink. When I graduate from the University of Utah, I'm going to call in and brag about being smarter

than the mischaping Armenian. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Go back to the, he wants to alcohol has reentered his life. Does that mean him personally or because his friends are drinking? I think it's because his friends are drinking. That's what I think too. Well, what do you got? You've been friends with some legendary alcoholics.

Yeah, I've been one. I think it goes along the lines of, you don't have a right to go through life and not be offended. Yeah. So you have to decide there's a little bit of that, that seems, and maybe he doesn't mean it like this, is a little bit of that thinking to me where he's going that seems like he kind of wants his friends to cater to him a little bit. And that's not how it works.

You have to be the one to remove yourself from that situation if you don't want to do it. You don't get to kind of, you know, you know, you know, guide, guide somebody, yeah, guide somebody else, you know, that kind of stuff. It's, it's, that's not really how it, how it works, nor should it be how it works. Friends are not this important. This is, uh, this is not, well, that's what I think. You don't need to preserve relationships with them. When you're out, you're out.

You're done. Yeah, I mean, that's it. If they're not worth 20, he's a great amen. The first time you do it, the first time you do it, it's things more than all the other times, but you know, place everybody you have in your life every seven years.

Well, I think, yeah, I don't know about everybody, but there's a big turnover. Yeah. Because you're in a different place in your life. Ever people do different things. Some people at 40 have families with four kids, some are not married, you know what I mean? So it's, you're gonna have, oftentimes,

you're gonna have more differences than commonalities. Or spike all of their liquor with GHB, so they have bad experiences, and are more sober around you. GHB, LSD, whatever you got. That'll cure them. Three letters. Three letters, as long as it has three letters.

Three letters will do the job. DDT, yeah. Right. Right. What else has three letters? DX the job. DDT. Yeah, right. Right. What else has three letters? DXM? Yeah. No, it's DXM.

I need some advice. Feel free to use this for your show if you wish. Just leave my name out of it. Whoops. Oh, Jesus. This is a setup that my wife and I, I figure you might be the guy to ask, is this a setup my wife and I, I figure you might be the guy to ask, is this a setup my wife and I,

or a polyamorous couple? No, yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. That's such a fucking break. The issue is that I, into a degree in my wife, yeah, he wants to fuck a lot more chicks than she wants to fuck dudes, right? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Don't fucking sell it with a fucking label. We got too many fucking labels.

Yeah. Don't stop it. Stop it with the polyamorous shit. So knock it the fuck off. What does that mean? It's a bomb at Barrest for all of us. Our unsure how to find potential friends with benefits. I guess I think that's what he means there.

I never had a hard time when single to find women because I'm six five and have a good job. But the issue now is that when I start hitting on women, the eventual phrase, I have a wife comes out and they shut down. Gee, I wonder why that might be. Most of the time they think I'm just trying to cheat on my wife with them and don't even bother with the rest of the explanation. What explanation? You see what I mean about explanations? What are you going to talk them out of being a sex toy? Yeah. The only women that don't run away tend to be a bit heavier because they are more desperate. Not a huge deal, but I would like to go down, I would like to go down a weight class if possible, though I see.

Any help or advice for dating in this situation, thanks for your time, sincerely, sincerely poly guy. Yeah, you got to get, you got to get drugs and you have to find women who are addicted to them. That's a good advice, isn't it? You have to bolt down, screw down everything in your house that you don't want stolen. I'd be curious what the,

like how long the relationship is and who does more of the, you know, of the pushing for. Yeah. What up, like, uh, to a degree my wife. Yeah, I think that's pretty good advice. Yeah, drugs. Yeah. All right, let's pretty good advice. Yeah, drugs. Yeah.

All right, let's see some comments. Hey, Dick, my mom couldn't afford a car for a few months so she got a bike to ride to work and people literally ran her into walls with their cars and honked at her every day. It's messed up. Remember last week we were talking about cyclists? Yeah.

Not being people. Hey, Eddie, you know what, Dick, I love science and not like those dumb ass, I fucking love science ass farmers. Did you get this email? No. So when I hear Lacey get on your show and give news, I'd at least expect it to be correct.

I won't show if you've been watching. Yeah, I don't remember the story. Next time you see Lacey, can you ask her how she passed calculus in eighth grade without knowing shit about black holes? I took calculus. There is an introduction into relativistic physics. She should know what an event horizon is. She should know what a fucking roast limit is for God's sakes.

I don't know what a roast limit is. I promise you, I've taken more than eight grade calculus. Yeah. Calculus was invented by Isaac Newton. Why? To fucking calculate orbits. So yeah, I'm calling bullshit on Lacey, saying she took Calc in eighth fucking grade.

She's full of shit. She's just trying to seem smart while also being really fucking hot and having a cute laugh. Also, if Lacey would have done more research, she'd know that is a picture of a black hole. Oh, she'd know, no, she'd know that is a picture. It's a picture of the accretion disc, you know, the massive amount of matter that is swirling into the event horizon like a toilet bowl. Glad you're coming around on Trump. Also I know what it's like to be in a helpless situation like with the whole Australia thing,

no matter how much effort or money you throw at it, nothing. It sucks very bad. Go fuck yourself. Please read this. I really want to call Lacey out, but please don't read this sentence. I think this guy posted on Reddit too. Really? Yeah, he was very into his calculus. He was very into debunking that Lacey took calculus in eighth grade.

You got me. Seems reasonable. I couldn't tell you whether she did or not. All right, let's do voicemails. That's what I need right now. Everybody, this has been the Sean show. whether she did or not. All right, let's do voice mails. That's what I need right now. Hey, this has been the Sean show. No, it has not.

Got a dick.show. Back. Dick show is back. Dickshow.com, patreon.com slash the dick show. All right, with the world. See you next Tuesday. Literally, see you next Tuesday this time. This is Anthony Charles Cordero with a timey plane ticket down.

with a tiny plane ticket down. You got the volume over on the other. There's an old American joke man crying, dying. And he crawls himself from the check-in gate and he turns to his mates to work gathered around and he says, watch me paint your in the sea, Steve, watch me Patreon see Steve, watch me Patreon see the flame make me on the life beat so watch me Patreon see it all together now. Time we play to get down, what time we play to get down, time we play to get down, what time we play to get down, tell me if he's to shred, shred, tell me if he are to shred red tell me fees are to shred

Me girlfriend's vacation is dead Time me play to get down Good harmony's too The seats Jack give the time you're playing to get down. You got harmony too. I think we put all of the seats jack, give the money all back. We can't charge it without dick jack. So we put all of them back all together now. Time you're playing to get down sport. Time you're playing to get down.

Time you're playing to get down sport. Time you're playing to get down. Looks like Christchurch got shot.. Looks like Christchurch got shot. Scott, looks like Christchurch got shot. I thought they'd let me in, but I guess not. Probably because Christchurch got shot. Yeah, it was probably because of that. It didn't help.

Time between next two. Time between next two. Time between next two. Time between next two. Time between next two. Time be blame to get down, sport, time be blame to get down. And fix me insurance card, march, fix me insurance card. You know, it expires and march, so fix me insurance card altogether now. Time be blame to get down, sport, time be blame to get down. Time be blame to get down, sport, time be blame to get down. Time me blind to get down, spot, time me blind to get down. Email the unhelpful, tart, but email the unhelpful, tart.

She threatened to call all of the venues. Oh, I forgot about that. Can you believe that? Tart. Yeah, that's above and beyond. Timeoss, we blame to get down spot. Toss, we blame to get down. To me that just breaks of rogue activism. Toss, we blame to get down spot.

Toss, we blame to get down. Host, me show, while I'm gone. Sean. Ha, ha. Thank you, dying. Me show, while I'm gone. Yeah. So I hosted a show on the street,

but I accidentally had deleted altogether now. Time we plan to get down. Time we plan to get down. Time we plan to get down. Time we plan to get down. Very nice. Love it. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Anthony Charles S. Quire.

Yeah, that was wild. I'm gonna contact the venues. Who's threatening you too? Yeah, yeah. He's gotta have a four-way too. Yeah, just gotta have one. Yeah. Wow, what are you gonna do?

The rhetorical question is what are you gonna do about it thinking that I didn't make any money? Yeah. Wow. What are you going to? The rhetorical question is, what are you going to do about it, thinking that I didn't make any money. Yeah. I was hanging out and I fucking with a bunch of dickheads. Yeah. I was told by multiple, more than three people. I was told by three people who told me not to tell that I was told is that it was definitely because of the book. My first reaction was, oh, she looked them up. I looked her up. She's a Trump supporter. Is that right?

I found her social media stuff. She's talking about Milo. Milo and she's Trump. Yeah, well, she's Australian, right? Yeah, I'll be damned. So that was my thought too, is okay, somebody got it, but she's, you know, but she is a woman.

Yeah, that's, you know, I mean, that's, you know, somebody brought that up to that on the face of that, you know, probably doesn't look too good. She had a man's name, which threw me off. She had a man, one of those, yeah, one of those asexual names, but it's more one than the other. I see. So that was, that was an issue. Yeah, like Terry or Pat. Yeah, one of those asexual names, but it's more one than the other. I see. So that was an issue.

Yeah. Like Terry or Pat. Yeah, or Pat Chris. Is that a, I think Pat's a woman's name, is it? Well, it could be Pat or girl. It could be Patricia. But when you hear Pat, what do you think? Woman.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see, here. Harry. Yeah, my aunt Harry. You know, my aunt, Harry. Oh yeah, sure. We'll ask Nick to call in next week, he'll cheer me up.

He's absolutely destroying some of these Me Too people. Is he? Is he? Is he? Is he? Is he? Yeah. Yeah.

He's set up a GoFundMe for this guy that got his life destroyed by a bunch of Me Too people. Yeah. And they are, I think they're gonna get, they get, I think they're going to get their lives ruined. I think they're going to be in debt for a long time. I think it's going to cost them a lot to defend themselves. If they, yeah, if they want to. Because it cost me a lot to defend myself against the most laughable fucking lawsuit.

And in the, in the, I know. And I know. And I know. And they're getting sued by a guy who's very, very successful. Yeah, I think they're fucked. I met a guy from Minnesota has been in Australia for four years. He lived really close to rackets. Oh, really? Yeah, I didn't know him. I don't think but just hey, Dick, you know, I'm really thinking about it recently and what really makes me

a rage is just how self-conscious some of the other rage is make me feel. Yeah, good. I'll explain that a little bit, but essentially a good example is the one that I called in and it was like people who were crossing the worm, they did that sub-signing. Well, I often do like a wave type thing just like a little thank you for not running the over-type thing when i close the road and

now i think that it's ever to pop that guy i think like i'm just gonna be picking up and i don't want to do that i want to uh... it's like that but no i don't know things like that literally

anyway i haven't make any on page today. That's all. I think he misunderstands. The wave is telling cars to go first when you're the one who has the initiative to walk across the crosswalk. Yeah, you have, you have the right of way, but you're way, you're trying to be the fucking mayor of street of the mayor of the crosswalk. Oh, no, please, after you, it's the basic, first of all, you should be self-conscious all the time because you're always screwing up

and in convincing other people. And the only way to, the only way to lessen that as much as possible is to always be self-conscious about every single thing you do until your daily experiences and existential nightmare of self-doubt and introspection. Oh, man. Is that fair? Yeah, that's fair to say.

I'm the best in the world. Yes. V like Sean. Yeah. Secondly, the core problem, the core rage of a lot of these is that somebody is deviating from what is the socially established rule set. Like when you get to a stop sign and you pull up at the same time as somebody to the right

of you and you wait and they wave you on because in their pea brain, they think that they're either being nice or they think you got there first and you are stuck in a limbo of indecision where we have rules to see you're on the right, you have the initiative go, but they won't do it. So they stick you there and suck the cycles out of your brain. That's where it comes from. Yep, that happens a lot driving. Yeah, because they don't know.

They don't understand the rules. Okay, here we go. So it's not just a thank you wave, right? It is deviating from the rules. You know what makes me a fucking rage? Poor comedic timing. I walk in the office this morning to find out the one of my co-workers was apparently murdered yesterday. Wow. You know what they're husband. He fucking set her on fire. Oh, so we have all of our supervisors and everything coming this morning.

Thou some prayers blah blah blah. Uh-huh. of our supervices and everything coming in this morning. Thousand prayers, blah, blah, blah. I whenever someone says something that's hot under the collar. They've escalated it. I immediately respond with, well, probably gasoline. So now I'm pretty sure all my coworkers think I'm a fucking serial killer. They're like yourself.

So I should on his joke. What did he gasoline escalated it? Oh, it was at the, yeah, I was, yeah. I don't know. I'll have to go back and listen to that. I am. It was making my own tasteless joke. Maybe it was timing on that one.

Well, maybe just wasn't a good joke. That could always be the case. I mean, a little too, I mean, co-workers, that's, I'm gonna file that one under the category of too soon. Some jokes there are, it is too soon. Not if they're funny enough. You've got to have you. You've got to, you have to have a select group of people who think that's funny. Yeah, you can, I believe that there is one joke that cannot be too soon, but we

just haven't discovered it yet for any situation. Terrorist, terrorist attack, miscarriage, divorce. That's a hell of a kid killed by a drunk driver. Is that just the, that's the, is that when the universe just ceases to exist when you found the perfect joke for all of the most heinous, horrific situations? Yeah, because there's like that, some people believe that there's an uncanny valley where after a tragedy happens and you have to wait that long, but I don't believe that. I think you can come up with a joke that's funny enough to be said immediately. The moment, the absolute moment that it happens, like pushing back to the Big Bang.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my theory. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to prove that it's true. Probably a more worthwhile endeavor than what a lot of people do. Yes, thank you. Hey, Dick. I got a problem. I cut my finger, so I put a bandaid on it. Yeah.

And that's not really a problem, but so then I went to jerk off and turns out the edge of the bandaid, rubbing up against my dick. I cut the tip of my dick. yeah. So now I've been walking around all day Every day cut dick and the fucking tip of my dick rubbing up against my underwear Yeah, it doesn't feel good and you can't show it No, it's supposed to say walk around winning the whole day. You're like, oh God. Oh God. Yeah, but like what are you suppose to do put a band-aid on it where you went to oh it's my dick cut you can't say that you can't just walk around yeah put a band-aid on it's what caused it to band-aid make a right

all week long you can appeal to band-aid off i haven't been able to jerk off that so uh... what's it kind of a psa in case anybody i don't know this. Don't jack all the bandaid. Don't buy your jerk off when you have a bandaid on your finger. Use the other hand.

Okay, yeah, this is what you need to do. Okay, sure. Here we go. Get a solo cup, a red solo cup, and then you put that in your pants so that your penis doesn't rub on anything all day. They can just lay in there like a terrarium. Right. It's like one of those callers of shame

for a dog that had surgery. Yeah. What are people going to do? Call that out. It looks like you've got three cans of tuna stacked in your pants. Yeah. Say, like, yeah, I'm happy to see you. Very easy solution. I hate cutting the tip of my dick. And no one ever believes how you did it. Yeah. Well easy solution. I hate cutting the tip of my dick at all.

And no one ever believes how you did it. Yeah, well, you know. How many times does this happen? It's happened. Yeah. Trying to commence with love making too quickly. Zipper injury. Yeah, zipper injuries.

Or too much grinding in the wrong way because your dick doesn't communicate to the information that you need when you need it. No, at that time. Definitely. You're gonna stop. Good points. Oh, this is a good one.

Why the fuck is it that even the women never have their cell phone on their person? Those carrying some kind of fucking purse or bag? But they always have a shit on vibrate. So you can never fucking reach them. God damn It is true I don't even know why you can call women's phones or contact them at all quite frankly

It's just a source. It's just something there to frustrate men Always always ten feet away Always ring her off. They are they engineer it so that they have a gigantic backlog of stuff to come back to i don't know what would satisfy me about it though but you can't read is right you can't reach them uh... to do a couple more or i think so she's i got a rage

uh... that chick and it's not just because they're that unattractive, and nobody wants to look at them. Fat chicks are a problem because they prevent you from getting to the chick that you actually want to fuck because every, every hot chick has one fat girl

that they're as backup in casing the b bouncer in case they need a friend man this fat chick is there case they need a ride home they make her feel better now like a buffalo yes like a buffalo because they're always depressed because no one loves them the way they should now what happens when she

want some now everyone knows that jace of course they'll try harder and that because nobody loves them and nobody wants to touch their ugly disgusting fact all got this guy but always breaking up and you see this hot girl and she says

what do you think of my friend over oh god now of course what are you supposed to say she's attractive because that's the worst that's trying's the worst okay sir we get it yeah oh wait he had more yeah he had more there's a pregnant pause doing for drannica thought because the second date on you know she's okay.

Hey everybody is like oh you're really cool. Yeah. Body parts of Tiffany. Yeah. No you know it's the okay, you said. You know it's the worst is the, oh you'd love her, she has really pretty skin. She has really, she's really pretty,

I'm so jealous of her hair. Right. Oh, come on. Don't do that. Don't do it. Just tell me. Yeah, no, yeah. What do you think?

What do you, I think you know? Yeah. Don't do this to me. Come on. You think? Hey, Dick, actual economist here. I think you talked about the Federal Reserve is like listening to your grandmother.

I don't know. Talk about how a computer works. A fractional banking is not the bank has so much money and they lend out ten times more than that. So the bank takes in $100 million and then keeps ten million on reserve and it lends up 90 million. So you got that completely wrong well that's well then there is that ninety million go wrong uh... what else did he say i got completely wrong but the feds that's the

reserve requirements that was completely wrong about everything else i said was completely wrong he should call in i wronged myself into another housing crisis uh... so you give me i get a hundred million, I loan out 90 million. Yeah, I give it to you. Based on why I loan it to you. Yeah, you put it in the bank.

How much did they get to loan out? What, how much does the new bank do? It's time what? 81 million. Yeah, where? Yeah, where did that come from? I think that guy should call in. Yeah, so real, a real economist should call,

yeah, it's always, I'm always interested in that. Uh, I don't, I talked about, not too much recently. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, so, stuff I brought back from, oh yeah, let's see it. What do you got? Okay, I got, look at that, I got models got? Okay. I got like that. I got models I think I got a wedding invitation. I got models of us. Okay from Matt C

Well, let me see that there's one for you. Okay That's cool And then I think because he didn't like the size they kept the detail and the size they came out of it. He made busts Yeah, nice. Cool, right? Yeah, it's me coming out of the ground with a shotgun and it looks like a broken whiskey bottle. I don't think it was supposed to be broken. Yeah, he said mine. That's fantastic. I'm playing a guitar and it's supposed to be a strat like the fender headstock, which is this is totally correct, but he said this one came out so small. It came out just like a dildo. Oh, so he painted it like a dildo.

Let me see that. I did come out like a dildo. That's why he painted it like that one. He's playing a guitar with a dildo headstock. Yeah, exactly. Here, let's see what else you got. Look, I don't hang a rune nut bottle opener for you. Oh, thank you.

Thank you. I've heard so much about these. I'll never lose it.e nut bottle opener for you. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I've heard so much about these. I'll never lose this. No, that was somebody, you know what? I wish I could remember everybody who came up to me at the Sydney show. Kangaroo nut. That's awesome. Thank you.

Thank you. Is your real nuts in here? This is really the size of their nuts. You know what? Better big question. Yeah. Okay. Let me see my kangaroo shirt.

Oh shit, those are upstairs. Okay. I forgot that. This, and I can't remember, it was two dickheads came up before the Melbourne show, and they brought you a, like a care package, and I've been toting it around. Oh God. And there's stuff in here for you to open. All right. Oh, God.

Like, write in or something. Tell me who you work because I'm fucking terrible with the name. So it's. All right, taking this is a cool bag. Yeah. It's got a little military bent to it inside, I know. Crocodile jerky. Wonderful.

That's actually. I love jerkeys and I hate crocodiles. I can't wait to eat them. Those are, yeah, Anzac. Anzac biscuits. So that's, I guess those are for the, because Anzac is the Australian New Zealand armed corpse or army crates. These are army cookies?

Yeah, they fought together, you know, in the World Wars and everything like that. I think I got that acronym right. Oh, boy. Uh, this is Tim Tam's, which are very, very good. Yeah, I think somebody sent Tim Tam's and we ate the shit out of them. They were gone and like, they are really, there's a lot of flavors of them too. Those are the classic, but this is the triple value pack. Wow, I love value too.

It's really good. Here we go. You brought this back? Wow, that had to be illegal. Well, there's another one there. There's a legal tender rom, spiced rom. Oh, man. I put that in that bag.

You take that. You put this in the bag. I didn't want it to leak in my luggage. That was smart. Did I ever tell you about the time my dad? Yes. Did I tell on the show? The wine?

No. It was. Oh, okay, my fucking father. For some reason, he got it into his mind that going to Costa Rica, it would be difficult to buy liquor. Yeah. So the whole time I'm telling him that this is idiotic.

He's like, well, you gotta make sure that you go, you have to make sure that you travel with enough liquor. You have to say, they don't just sell liquor down there. Said that I don't believe you at all. That's impossible. Because- Is this like after we went? This was before.

I was gonna say, because I've been down there a lot of times, right? Yeah. It all works. Yeah. This is when he was trying to open a restaurant down there, or open to restaurant down there, but before it was open. Right. So he kept telling me that once we get down there, they're not going to have any liquor and I need to bring enough to survive on.

Well, that's not possible. No, right. Exactly. I'm not bringing that much liquor. And I think that you're I think that you're an idiot. It's the first thing in like, I don't remember it. You could go anywhere where human beings are and they're gonna have liquor to sell there with the fuck you talking about. So he doesn't drink as much as me. He brings two bottles, I think he brought a bottle of kettle one and like a bottle of wine or something like that. Yeah, big bottle of kettle one for a couple martinis.

And we get there, we get to Costa Rica. He put it in the middle of his luggage to keep it safe. And it, of course, exploded. He had, he had a whole, all of, no clothes, all of his clothes were full of liquor and glass. Meanwhile, you could, exactly like I thought, you could walk down the corner store, any store had at every liquor imaginable Ah star word twofold Australian whiskey Amazing I have to wait to get my taste my sense of taste back. Yeah, right to enjoy this. Holy fuck you don't know who these guys were I can't remember his name. Oh, man

Geraldton why finally get. Uh, Geraldton. Wow, I finally get the tick reference. Geraldton, Geraldton Sunda spoon. There you go. Thanks, guys. Put that to the collection. And this is some sort of, I think that's a military. Australian army ration spoon. Fred from source, sangui, wabs and llama.. Maybe that's them. Sorge, Sanguis, Wabs, and Lama. Oh, fuck, thanks. Pretty cool little, to a little can opener. Little, nice, a lot of opener. Got some kind of a knifey, oh, it's knifey spoony.

That's what it is. I've heard of knifey spoony before. You got a spoon on the tip there. Fucking cool, thanks guys, and it's cool bag. Yeah. Thanks very much. Go get that, go get your shirt that you gave me. I've heard of nice beef spoonie before. You got a spoon on the tip there. Fucking cool, thanks guys, and this cool bag. Thanks very much. Go get that, go get your shirt that you gave me. Would you please?

Yeah, do I have to? Yeah, you have to. I want to see it. I want to see what you've managed to. I was, you have to realize that I was looking for a shittier shirt. Oh, okay. Again, because it was the jaw.

Okay. All right, this is what you brought back? Sydney. Thanks. So now I have a, now I have an ugly colored shirt with an ugly kangaroo to remember the vacation that was robbed from me by social justice warriors and bureaucracy.

This is the revenge of my book. The final insult. Yeah. You know, at this point, I don't know, I don't know which way I hope that they, thank you, that they decide. Yeah, I don't know. Like if I get banned, at least I could say nothing I,

nothing I did would have prevented this. Yeah, although there's two big gaps, there's two big gaps in that application process that I am not happy about. Yeah, I wanted to be beginning from our end and then the next one from the woman's end, which makes me, you know, yeah, I sure does seem like sabotage to me. And that end, I don't think it was. No, no.

Oh, from the government. Yeah, from from that side, from her side. Like that. I mean, no, no, no, because she was just somebody who we employed to get the visa. I think it was in the actual immigration agency. Like, look at, look at the, but she, why did she hold on? Why did she hold on to it? It easy. Not because she wasn't employed by the government. She was employed by me. Yeah, but this is the one we're talking about. Doesn't like, you know, maybe the book, or you're thinking the Australian government. I think the government doesn't like the book.

That's what I've heard from multiple people. A guy got a link to my video from his immigration friend. So they, yeah, I mean, they obviously check you out. Because look at the size, look at the number of people they're letting in for the comedy festival and look at the size of the productions they're letting in. They're comedy festival signs all over the place. All over the place, they're letting in single acts all fucking day and night. You know, I never hear about anybody who goes to the normal means getting fucked with

like this, but we're 35 coming up on 40 days like give me a fucking break How long does it take to get through especially after the festival still not through yeah, give me a fucking break man All right everybody. That's all we got I don't know what you got one more thing I don't know. Wait, oh, you got one more thing. Oh, yeah, this. Oh, I, uh, yeah, again, because, you know, I didn't know you're, you're talking about the show.

So instead of a guy, I can't find any beer coasies for beer shorties or what, stubbies. That'd be cooler. So then you got a fucking, you got a, you got a really stupid Australian coffee mug instead. The, the one thing a guy dating a teacher needs is more fucking mugs. You got a really stupid Australian coffee mug instead. The one thing a guy dating a teacher needs is more fucking mugs. Hey, I use them when I come over here. Yeah, so I, that was the dumbest one. I thought for sure you want jokes. I was like, ah, you can't use the, you won't have a stubby for the show.

Good day. It's got tribal printing on it. I have a stupid, yeah, because I know you're down with the tribe. It's got the Sydney Opera House on it. Oh, yeah. It's got a ko on it. Yeah, because I know you're you're down with the tribe. It's got the Sydney Opera House on it Yeah, it's got a koala all the sites. This makes me want to fucking kill myself Yeah, thanks John. I thought that was the joke Look at what's gonna happen next I don't know. I mean seriously what the fuck's gonna happen next? Oh Here I want a bottle opener. here, I want a bottle opener.

Yeah, you, I want a bottle opener. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You didn't get 80s girl anything, did you? No, because, right, because I thought that would be, here's a reminder of the vacation you didn't go on. Yeah, that's mean. Yeah, that would be mean. That's a reminder of the vacation you didn't go on. That's mean. Yeah, that would be a thing. That's mean.

Well, thanks a lot. I hope this cost you a lot. Yeah, well, it was in the airport, so yes. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ah, all right, everybody. All right. See ya. you