The Dick Show - Episode 156 - Dick on Being Fair

Episode Date: May 28, 2019

A virtual planet of the apes, the WHO invents a video games disease, many new contestants on "Ask Your Mom, Wife, or Girlfriend when the Following Five Wars Happened: The Revolutionary War, The Civil War, World War 1, World War 2, and Vietnam", things only 90s kids will remember: Vietnam, the effects of short avatars on the brain, playing as the chick in video games, the rejection of post foam and construction Amish, premature ejaculators, being a fireman, Chris the Kiwi describes his dream date with Dr. Rachel, and taking all weddings out of children's programming; all that and more on this week's episode of The Dick Show!

over the line. Markets zero. Markets zero. You know, Walter Sobchek, a veteran of the Vietnam War, which according to most women, which according to most women happened in the 1990s. Oh, wow. What did you find a poll or something? Oh, well, you know, my game show that's sweeping the nation.

It's called Dick's life. It's called, it's called asking your mom, your wife, or your girlfriend when the following five wars happened. Oh, no, your mom, your mom had to know though. No, no, nobody, no, she didn't know it. You didn't think that, you think that, but none of them fucking know. They cannot, my mom remembers that she was in junior high school

when Kennedy was shot. I mean, she remembers it vividly. Kennedy. Of course every check knows where they were at home fingering their beans every time he was on. But the thing was though was like Vietnam was just a few years later. And it was like, they all remember that because whoever they were with at the time was always, you know, are we going to get drafted?

Are we going to get? So it's like, I would think people of, are we gonna get state sponsor devotion? Well, your parents are a few years younger than my mom, but I cannot believe that your mom wouldn't know when Vina. Not my mom's. Okay, okay. I was general, not my mom.

Okay. Ask these five, let's start the show and just read you, the read you, you read you the responses, because they're hilarious. Well, you think they're hilarious? I'll think they're sad. Oh no, no, you have to because they're hilarious. Well, you think they're hilarious? I'll think they're sad. Oh no, no, no, you have to think they're hilarious.

Okay. You think they're hilarious? You think they're hilarious? I'll think they're sad. Oh no, no, no, you have to think they're hilarious. Okay. You think they're hilarious? You think they're hilarious?

I'll think they're sad. Oh no, no, no, no, you have to think they're hilarious. Okay. You think they're hilarious? You think they're hilarious? I'll think they're sad. Oh no, no, no, no, you have to think they're hilarious. Okay. want to dig a new dig, you've got it as the show or any of these new concepts. Come to your live from Mount Bunken, even the hardest city failure,

I'm your host, Nick Masterson, okay, hey, the $20 million man, recently voted America's worst Mexican, eights, probably weeks running, with me as always, is world touring LA based comedian, Sean, the audio engineer. Hello, Dick. Hey, what's up, buddy?

That intro is what happens with six days of sobriety. My mind is, oh, my mind is so focused that I can't even knock it loose and I hate it. I'm aware of every, I can see through walls. Why the sobriety kick? I don't know. Just felt like it. I don't know.

Yeah. I really, I don't know. I've got to lose weight. I'm on a weight loss kick for Vegas. I do not want to go to a strip club pool and have a bunch of oatmeal spilling down my sides for obliques, okay? I just want a, I don't need to be an autonomous.

You actually look a little thinner. Thank you. Say it again with some, say it like you mean it. You actually look a little thinner. Okay, again, a little more, put more emphasis on the you and the, and look and the thinner. You. Well, it's just like a different, like little more, put more emphasis on the you and the, and look and the thinner. You. Well, it's just like a different, like, a very little, don't say a little thinner.

You look, a lot, you look a lot thinner, but say it in a way that doesn't make me feel like I was fat before, only make me think of how thin I am and how thin I look now. Okay. Okay. You're not nearly as fat as you were before. I got damn it. Better. More honest. Okay.

I don't want to sit. I don't want to be sitting in Vegas. It road rage Vegas with a bunch of people taking pictures and candid shots of me looking like Vin Diesel's bad shots. You know what I mean? That'll be me. I'm working on eating a lot. You're working on eating a lot?

Good. No, I just am. Fatin' up. So I look better. There you go. Vegas for Road Rage Vegas. June 22nd, tickets now. Dick.Show slash Vegas.

Get him, get him, get him a post-reface. It's going to be there. Mad Cucks is going to be there. That's amazing. I may approach and Larry. Oh, I know. That's, I'm so happy about that. So happy, Mad Cucks is coming back. Like out of retirement. Well, oh, I know. That's, I'm so happy about that. So happy Mad Cucks is coming back.

Like out of retirement. Well, I don't know if he's coming as... Whatever, it doesn't matter. It's the same guy. Yeah, in my opinion, like when he retired, I was like, all right, but you're still tabbed, like you're still the same funny guy who's full of hate and hate and piss.

He'll be part of the show, either as one or the other. One of the other. Yeah, whatever. What's he gonna do, not make a dumb voice? I mean, give me a break, Sean. Yeah. I'm bringing his crowns, that's for sure. We can get some of them out of the show. It's gonna be great, Planet Hollywood.

Big, big time venue. Yeah. Big time venue. It was a little bit more expensive than it. Was it normal places, but I think it's worth it. That's legit. Yeah, very legit. We're just Planet Hollywood on the strip, because I've it's worth it. That's legit. Yeah, very legit. We're just playing at Hollywood on the strip,

because I've never stayed there. I don't know. It's next to a ballies, and I was gonna fuck everybody over. I could have saved me $100 to get you guys rooms at ballies. I almost did it, but I thought, I don't know if it's worth a hundred bucks to dick these guys over with ballies rooms. Smells like cigarettes, probably.

And they have a, I think they have a star trek themed lobby. That's how, that's how janky ballies is. They have a star, I think it's ballies. They have a star trek themed area of their casino, which might as well be a furry themed area of the casino as far as I'm concerned. I think our, our tickets cheaper like in the height of summer. I would think like,

I don't know, Vegas is just a big crap shoot. What was I talking about right before we switched? Oh, I got the game show that's sweeping the nation. Yes, my new game show, which is my favorite, one of my favorite things that I've ever come up with and it will never not be funny. The ask your mom, your wife, or your girlfriend when the following five wars happened in any order you want.

Any order you want, it will still be funny. I promise you, the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, World War One, World War Two, Vietnam. Okay. Let me read you some of the responses. You might have to edit some of this out, as I look for the things that these guys send in. Here's this is gonna be gold. Here's one. So, oh, I did so did,

step right up, if you play, you get the home version. You enjoy asking your wife or mom or girlfriend when the following five wars happened at home, the Civil War American Revolution, World War One, World War Two, and Vietnam. You asked these questions or did listeners ask? Listeners ask their mom, wife or girlfriend and when the following five wars happened, the American Revolution, the Civil War World War One,

World War Two, or Vietnam. You have to say the whole title every time. Okay. Oh, this is one guy's response. Okay. His mom says, wait, winded Columbus sale,'s response. Okay. His mom says wait, when did Columbus sale? 1792, okay, Revolutionary War. Okay, it's 300 years late on that one. Revolutionary War

1870. Okay, you're about a hundred years off. Okay, Civil War. Okay, 1900. Now you're about 40 years off World War 1 1930 you're about 15 years off World World War I, 1930. You're about 15 years off. World War II, 1930. You're nine years off. It was a rough year. Yeah, right. 1930s, we had two major world wars. Right, right.

Uh, real, here he notes, realized here she goofed on previous answers, but had no idea how to fix them. And that, right, ladies and gentlemen, is the secret, is the magic, is the G-spot, is the prostate of this game, getting three or four answers in, and then asking, okay, so what you're saying is just using reason and going back and going like, oh, I think I fucked up on World War One.

They got fucked up. Takes a scale some of them back. Ah, let me see. Do I know any other things that is saying, okay, so you're saying that they were going around with cannons and swords and shit and on plantations. And then five years later, those same guys were fighting with machine guns and mustard gas

and the red barren and shit like that. Is that what? Vietnam 1960s. That was pretty good. Yeah, good one. Hold out at the end. Yeah, hold out at the end. One out of five.

Yeah, pretty good. Let's bring on down our next contestant to ask your mom, wife or girlfriend, when these five wars happen, the American Revolutionary War, the Civil War, the World War I, World War II and Vietnam. This is my favorite game show of all time already. One answer. Revolutionary war, 1770.

Okay, you're right. You're right around there. Civil War, 1820. Okay, little early. World War I, 1896. What is with these very specific, well, I mean, 1896, okay, so you're off there. Little bit.

World War II, 1910. Okay, you're still too early for World War I. Pretty early. Korean War, that. Okay, so she's. She's a 19th, they're Vietnam, 1952. So she needs to move her entire time scale forward. Yeah.

Here's World War II. I only have four of these. I asked my parents, mom, Civil War 1890s. Oh, look at that. World War I, that's right on. Oh, yeah. That's five for five. 80s girl asked me, well, yeah, but how many men do you think could do this?

Well, how many women do you think could tell you an outfit that looks good versus how, like how many women could tell you that a dog is cute? It's this is our version of that. We really, it really matters to us. Every man in the world has been sucked into red dead redemption too for the last three months of his life. We know when this shit happened. It's all we have. Well, you guys are out talking to each other and having friends and getting free dinners on Tinder. We're just home obsessively reading Wikipedia about wars, hoping that the next one hits soon

and we can justify our existence. Well, Pornow and football and war. What's about war? Yeah, right? That's Larry. Yeah, it looks about war. I'm a cook. I'm a cook. Korea, no idea. No idea, Vietnam 1970s.

Okay, so it did spill over into the 1970s. So she, she, I'll give her credit for one. But the thing here is that world, the 30s were bad. They were bad. World War I and World War II both in the 1930s. Right. Okay, mom, we're gonna give you a, I'm gonna give, I'm gonna give 18 to 90 on that civil war, even though it's 40 years off or so,

I'll give you the 92 out of five, not too bad, not too bad. Here we go, here's the final one, the final contestant on asking your mom, why for girlfriend, when these five wars happened, the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, World War I, World War II, and Vietnam, a Revolutionary War, the Civil War, World War I, World War II, and Vietnam. A Revolutionary War, 1750, Civil War, 1930. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. We bench to fit that in between World War I and World War II. It looks like we just didn't get enough fighting. We're like, you know what? We're doing too well in these world wars. We got to kill all Americans. We got to knock it down, or the next world war won't be fair, will it?

Civil war? Correct. Recently? The Korean war is, let me read them. Civil war 1930. So right after the stock market crashes, when we free Abraham Lincoln, this is a special special woman. No, they're all like this.

No, I mean, hang on to this one. World War One, 1900 on the dot. World War Two, 1940. So 10 years after the Civil War is when we nuked to Japan. Okay. So, okay, well, there's there. Okay, so there's one Korean war. We won in it yet. Well, almost, but yeah, 39 to 45 is World War Two for those who don't know. Presently is the Korean War. Okay. We've had a lot of talking about that. Have a way so that's...

That's about it! Right. That's the one we're talking about. Vietnam, 1990. Hey, here's something that only 90s kids will remember getting drafted into Vietnam. Remember that very special episode of Friends when Chandler has to go to Vietnam? Yeah. And his witty quips don't keep him from the front lines.

That went Kramer. We came back. We came back at different man. When Kramer and Newman switch identities, so Kramer can get out of the draft because Newman wants to go deliver mail in Vietnam for sucky sucky long time. You remember that episode of Seinfeld in the 90s?

I sure do. Oh boy, that's priceless. That is priceless. There you go. This is the service that I do for you. You have any more? I pull back to Curtin. There's tons more, but that's all we have time

for on this episode. Oh really? Come on, we have more. We'll have more. I don't have it on me. Maybe someone could send it to me on me. All right. I love this game. I love this game.

Dude, it's great. Everyone is funny because of the little, because they set 1990s. Someone said that. Yeah. Explain to me, 1990s fell out the whole thought process. Right. Never will I be funny to me.

Here's what makes me rage. I'm going to call it the construction Amish. I don't know what to call it, but I built. I built. I built. I built a handrail. You remember the janky stairs that I built down the back hill of my house,

the engineer stairs, the two by tens or whatever stuck in with rebar. The ugliest, I built a handrail for that because I got so tired of boomers telling me. People are going to die. Yeah. Okay, here's the thing with dads, dads in general. As soon as they run out of things to complain about, they just disappear, like Obi-Wan, Kenobi. You can't strike them down because they're the only thing that they have going in them anymore, as they raise children,

they complain, they need to complain and then fills up their entire body. Until it's just a skin suit wrapped around wrapped around a an amorphous entity of complaints and criticism. Yeah, that's why so my father who is a never-ending list of these complaints every time he comes over you need a banister here. You need a banister on these stairs. Why? I don't need one, because my knees are only 30 years old. And your knees are a year and a half old. So I'm fine.

I've got experience in these knees. I can navigate these steps without a handrail. Can you replace them? Yeah, like both of them. Yeah, oh no shit. I think so. Yeah, I know one for sure, but I think both of them, if you want a handrail, old man, get a cane. That's my advice. Portable handrail. Yeah. Every single boomer that comes over, well, you need a handrail here.

Why? You can have one anywhere you want. You know what? You can. You, you, you, get a walker, get a walker. It's two, it's two handrails. How about that? Why don't I just get one of those motorized electric wheel chair stairs like in Gremlins? Right. Right. Get one of those motorized, electric wheel chair stairs like in Gremlins. Right, get one of those. The lady out of the house, right? That what happens out the window? Sean, you couldn't make that movie today. Well, because it's elder abuse or? I don't know.

I just like saying that about all movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You couldn't make that movie today. You couldn't make that movie today. Right. Just the climate. Yeah. You couldn't make that movie today.

So I built, I built a handrail. I built a handrail that's so straight, if your kid accidentally, how straight is it? If your kid accidentally watched that episode of Arthur where the gay rats get married, this looking at my handrail will straighten him out. Arthur, what?

That cartoon Arthur. They had an episode, you know, the Arthur, little anteater. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, the cartoon. Yeah, you don't even know about the gay Arthur wedding? The Arthur, no, I don't think so. Jesus Christ, what do you, what kind of news do you consume? Arthur ran in like the 1920s, right?

Yeah, right after Vietnam. Yeah. Yeah. Vietnam, 1990s. 1990s, yeah. What do you, when blossom was happening? Yeah. There was a cartoon called Arthur

that featured for children to gay rats getting married. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, well no one in Alabama knows that either because they refused to broadcast it. Which, you know, look, if your kid is going to turn gay because he saw two gay rats getting married on cartoon, you got bigger problems. He was probably going to be gay anyway. But I do, it's funny.

I do think that marriage should be banned from television because it indoctrinates children into male slavery. That's, and that's all, I think we can all agree on that. If your kid happened to see that gay wedding, you take him out back in my backyard, show him the straight, my posts that I built for my hand rail, he will only want to fuck broads forever. Straighten him right out.

Straighten him right out. All he will want to do is tap strange for the rest of his life. I'm talking about chicks too, by the way. Mike Pence sells tickets. He's to see your rail. To see my rail. He's got gay people coming in around the clock

just in a horseshoe. They come down, they see it, and it's like a weird baptism outdoors. Like, it's like an exorcism and a baptism. And yeah, they go, ah, in all the rainbow shadows, shoot, out of their back. Marcus Bachman's booked all next week. a baptism and yeah, they go, ah, in all the rainbow shadows, shoot out of their back.

Marcus Bachman's book doll next week. And then I hand out copies of the wire as well. What's a very straight thing? I don't know. I hand out dirty jobs DVDs. Oh, there you go. Here you go. Here you go.

My turn on my mic row. They might get turned on. But here's what makes me rage about the process of laying these handrails and posts. I can't wait to see these things. Oh my God, Sean. Okay, don't, here we go. Don't mention to me the foam that's coming out of the posts

when you see them. Oh, okay, don't worry about that. Don't talk to me about it, or fuck with me about it, okay? No, I'll let Johnny do that. Yeah, because here is the newest thing, or a new thing, insetting in mounting fence posts. Okay. And anything, all right?

Because of how I look with you, you're gonna go, well, you're not hip to the latest fence comes down to the coast. You don't know what's going on. Right. I mean, you don't even know that gay rats are getting married on TV. What the fuck do you do? What do I don't know anything about anything?

We got to get marriage off TV. That's where they indoctrinate kids into getting married and having two income households. And that's what they're doing. That's the thing about all marriage. It's got to be, has got to be. A lot of countries who don't tip, they don't like countries that tip coming and like spoiling the work. I remember at Costa Rica,

they're like don't tip anybody. Like that's, I know you guys are used to throwing like 20% on tax, like big shots, because you have 10 bucks. So it's like, I would think there'd be a huge gay lobby group going, don't show this shit on TV because a lot of us don't want to get married and have the co mingling of assets and all this kind of stuff. That's what I think. That's what I've always said. Yeah. Okay. Even in gay relay in every single relationship that has ever existed. one side wants to get married more than the other. I don't care if it's two guys or two chicks or whatever. One side is like,

well, you know, can we talk about it tomorrow? Because there's always one person who slightly has a foot pointed toward the door at least. Yeah, sometimes both. If not right. Somebody's getting the better deal. Yeah. And I want, and those guys aren't getting represented. Yeah.

Okay. So, trust. Here's what happens with, here's what happens when you set a post. You dig the whole, dig the whole out, you put the post and you put the cement in, right? Yeah. So there's new, there's a new type of, there's a new type, there's a new space age polymer that you mix up like die hard three. Okay.

It's a little bag. Pop the bag, mix the components for a couple of 16 seconds and hardens. Drop it in the hardens, better than cement. Yeah, it's like in a proxy in a hardener, right? Oh, it's great. Yeah. So I find out about this thing. And by the way, that's in the research.

I find out about this thing and start doing research on it and encounter time after time, these idiots, people reviewing this stuff who stubbornly or proudly proclaim how the small increase in cost of this amazing polymer that behaves exactly like cement, that you can carry around in a Ziploc bag that weighs like 11 ounces versus a 50 pound bag of concrete

that exhausts poison into your face. Yeah. They clad, they proudly and brazenly claim the, oh yeah, I mean, sounds like it's just, oh, that's 10 bucks, bags cement, six bucks, sounds like a huge rip off. And then the company will, companies will go through. Yeah, but you know, it's, it's imagine the back breaking labor part, how much time you save. How much time you save, it's safer for the environment.

It's, it's, it's, it's a major manufacturing industry in China. Like, there's so many reasons. Why the fuck are you so dead set? They'll drive 10 miles across town to get gas at the cheaper station. Yeah. And what do you do? And what do you do?

And what do you do? Probably proclaim that this is somehow a testament to their manhood, right? That their struggle is greater. Yeah. You fucking victims. Oh, that's bulge off. Bull, it's, I mean, it's three bucks. Like are you fucking kidding me?

That's the reason why this is no good. Did you listen to the myth of John Henry and think, oh yeah, steel driving man, yeah, he's a hero. No, he's a jackass. That's the moral of the story. He killed himself trying to outpunch a computer. He's a fucking idiot. That's the moral of that story.

This guy is fucking idiot. That's the moral of that story. This guy, this guy is an idiot. A bunch of John Henry's out there. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. A bunch of John Henry's out there in every conceivable way. Car came along. Oh, what a ripoff. I like walking. What sounds like sounds expensive. Me and my horse will do just fine. Me and my horse will do just fine. I like the smell of horse shit actually. Put hair on your chest, holy shit. So, ignore it. If you see the foam all bubbled out of the ground.

It's so good. I think my dad's gonna have a heart attack when he sees it. It's so beautiful. The straightness of the posts. Well, all right. He's gonna have nothing to complain about. He's gonna be so shocked.

We'll see. About it. Okay, let's see here. I've got some other things that make me rage. Suppress a Korean war isn't making the news more. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha The who are at it again? Yeah Peter Frampton. Well, what I'm sorry Peter P. Townsend. Excuse me. Yes. Pete Townsend has declared that video games are a gaming disorder a Gaming disorder. Yes, it's a mental disability. Vity too much video games

is a disorder. Well, and they're giving you can be addicted to that like Oh, anything. No, no, specifically video games. It's a video game. Mental disorder. Yeah, mental disorder. Let me read, let me read you some of the qualifications. Because it's, it's, they have until 2022 to figure out what treatments they're gonna, they're gonna prescribe. Why 2022? That's just what they said. This is the who.

This is the who. This is the world health organization. The world health organization has decided that video games are a disease. Well, is it just under the umbrella of like an addictive behavior or something? You know what I mean? Like it doesn't matter what the substance could be horse racing. It could be alcohol. It could be, but they have a special. They could be talking about HBO shows, they have a special. Everybody around you wants to kill you and then themselves have a special category for going to improv comedy. When is that going

to be? I like this so much better when it was Pete Townsend. Yeah, Pete Townsend. Uh, how about being involved in, in kid sports and call it in high school, high school sports? Is that, when is that going to be a mental disorder? Like like obsessively involved and yeah, yeah. No, that's, that definitely shows signs of, that's not healthy. When his marks will live through your kid like these beauty pageant mothers and shit like that,

does that a mental disorder now? Because too much video games is, it's just, no, it's just funny that it's specifically. That's a case. Yes, specifically here I'll read you that I'll read you the characteristics too. Yeah, okay. Is spending $25,000 on a wedding,

is that gonna be a mental disorder? No, probably not. Just the kids in their games. Well, we got the history with spending a lot of money on weddings. Posting pictures of your fat ass on Instagram, is that gonna be a mental? No, that's not a mental disorder.

Just too much video games. You know, the thing that video games, the only thing that exists that is a simulation for what life is actually supposed to be. Constant contest, life and death, survival, victory, figuring things out, the kind of thing that you don't get anywhere else in life while you're rotting away in a fucking prison

that's targeting the lowest common denominator and cashing in $80 a day on you to feed a bunch of ungrateful, newly graduated chicks who just really liked kids and had nothing else to do. But that thing, that's the mental disorder. Here I'll read you some of the gaming disorder. It's characterized by a pattern of persistent or recurrent gaming behavior, digital gaming or video gaming, which may be online or offline, manifested by impaired control

over gaming, onset, frequency, intensity, duration, termination. So, yeah, can't control it. I gotta go play video games. But again But they already have like categories for this. It's like addictive behavior. I mean, they made a specific one for video games. What are they title it? I think they titled it, fuck you, gamer game. This seems superfluous to me. Increasing priority, giving to gaming, to the extent that gaming takes precedence

over other life interests and daily activities. It's like you've heard of that couple that like starve their kid or the, you know, kid, you know, kid. I mean, like this one. Yeah. I mean, it's, but it's, yeah, but there's, you know, there's degrees of it. But again, this, this, this, this type of behavior is accounted for. Yeah. and this type of behavior is accounted for. Yeah, and could you imagine,

could you imagine something like video games taking precedence over other life interests and daily activities? Oh, yeah, well, of course I can. What is a daily activity? Wait, what, your video games are competing with? What, your online shopping, your consumption of Marvel movies? what the fuck else is there to do?

What is a daily activity? I don't know. I mean, maybe they're comparing that to what used to be traditional daily activities. Like what? Like going out and playing baseball or something like for kids, I'm talking about growing up. Like instead of doing that, now they do this, but it's still just, it's a different activity. Maybe it's not as healthy physically,

but I don't know. Daily life, other life interests, you know. People they, girls, girls should be a mental disorder. Being straight should be a mental disorder. Well, I mean, you heard of a couple starving their kid over to see. Yeah, that's the dumbest you will ever act.

Yes. When you're trying to bang a girl, that being straight as a fucking mental disorder, three, continuation, or escalation, escalation of gaming. This is all, it's just like alcohol or drugs. This is already accounted for. No, it's not. No, they needed another one.

Escalation of gaming despite the occurrence of negative consequences. Yes, that's right. No, no, no. So if your mom is this just like it's like all points bulletin like, hey, this is the same thing except for falling into something different. This is fuck your kids. If you have a kid that if you are a shitty parent and your kid likes video games and tells you to fuck off when you try to discipline them in, bring them in because what you've got is a video game addict. And they're gonna fix you, they're gonna go, they'll do whatever it takes

to fix this motherfucker. The behavior pattern is of sufficient severity to result in significant impairment in personal, family, social, okay, educational, occupational, or other areas of functioning. Family, you don't need to function with those motherfuckers at all. I'm across that right out. That's the whole reason you're online gaming. Yeah. If family fixed anything, we wouldn't need money. So you can cross that right off the list

who, in family, impairment in social areas of functioning. So in family, impairment in social areas of functioning, the pattern of gaming behavior may be continuous or episodic and recurrent. I mean, I clearly have this. Ben's drinking, chronic drinking. When Red Dead 2 came out, I was playing it all night. 80s girls could hear, you were all right. That's all right in her sleep because I would play it so much She was talking I love that horse. I love that horse more than any pet. I've ever had in my life that stupid virtual horse

I definitely have The gaming behavior and other features are normally evident over a period of at least 12 months in order for a diagnosis We've got we've got gun fever. It's coming, an unnatural unhealthy interest in guns. When your man's interest in guns overtakes all of life's other activities, what other activities? I like doing this, fuck off.

If I was, if I was trying to cure cancer, it would be, oh yeah, that guy's very dedicated. Yeah. Well, no, it depends on what the action is. Yeah. Is it? God damn fuck you. This guy, you can find him online. He has built up a huge tolerance to snake venom. And he feels like it's his calling. He's lost his wife and kids over it to snake. Yeah. No, he keeps, yeah, to that, to that drive to, yeah, he feels like it's his duty to come up with the cure or, you know, antivenom across the board for for snake bites that don't have antivenom currently.

And it's, it is definitely, you know, he's lost his human relationships because he sits there and lets himself get bit by snakes over and over again. You know, it's lost his human relationships because he sits there and lets himself get bit by snakes over and over again. You know, it's good for him. Take it to the, don't let those, don't let anybody tell you what to do. Although the required duration may be shortened if all diagnostic requirements are met

and symptoms are severe, I can't get over it. I can't get over it. That there's a sitting down that people can't make the leap to just apply that behavior to various, it could be aimed at anything. Yeah, but then some stupid soccer mom is gonna walk out with her intelligent son

and slam this diagnosis of video game addiction in his face all fucking day. I know. It's going to be like cart blanche to be an even worse mom. Like, oh, you got, you got to get off that game because I got a little slip from the world health organization that says your video game addicted. Yeah, stupid, it's stupid. Yeah, with ICD 11, that doctor would be able to describe the disorder relying on a medical standard that bears the impramatur of the who.

I guess that means like the gravity of the authority of the who. Yeah, there you go. So that's, be ready for that. Oh, God. The video game. Probably anyone will hear about it. You don't think so? I don't think mom's fucking, well, unless it depends on what the doctor So that's, be ready for that. Oh God. The video game. Partly anyone will hear about it. You don't think so? I don't think mom's fucking,

well, it unless it depends on what news feeds pick up that. You know what I mean, pick that up. So, and- But it's there now. Yeah, like it's not the erosion of these things. It's that, remember that toxic masculinity thing I brought in from the APA? Yeah.

Now we got video game addiction. It just seems like they're kind of chiseling away. It shit that I, it seems like somebody just took a list of things I have liked doing my whole life and is making them wrong. Uh huh. Like make like certain now they're now we have a certificate that says they're wrong. Yeah. That's not just you're an asshole.

It's like, well, look, this is a certified asshole. There you go. Okay. I'll tell you what else makes me rage. The phrase, to be fair. Okay. Yeah. Did anybody start a sentence with this?

To be fair. I mean, I'm sure I've done it. Yeah, yeah. I don't think I routinely do it. Okay, instead of saying to be fair, just replace it with the eye-suck cocks and then say whatever you were gonna say. Okay.

Well, to be fair, it's like, well, it's not to be fair, you just disagreeing. Don't say, don't gaslight me by starting with you're being fair. Just say, it's not to be fair. Or you're saying, I'm being, you're not being fair. I'm the other way. No, or it could be the other way. If you're having an argument, then that person could say,

to be fair, meaning like to your point, it could be that. I know most people don't use it that way. And I don't think they use it that way. No, I don't think most people do. I think it's a jab at you that you are not being fair. Well, to be fair, why don't you just say, oh, I like drinking old semen.

Start it with that instead of to be fair. I'm so fuck, as soon as I read it every time, now I'm like, I see you fucking prepping me to be fair. Yeah, well to be godly. Well, it's a leading statement. Yeah, that's been pissing me off. Well, you see that in print a lot? I mean, online.

Talking to people. Yeah. All right, let me get, let me see what else I have. Now I'm gonna read some comments. I got a shitload of funny comments and voice mails this week and I'm gonna get to. Yeah.

Oh, cookie warnings on every website also make me rage. Oh, I know. It's there getting worse in the world. I know, they're everywhere. I don't give a fuck about cookies. Yeah. I have never, no one has, no human has ever given a fuck about the cookies on the internet

except to find out what they are and then ignore them Yeah, except to add what are cookies and then you get Ten words into the explanation and they tune out I would read it. I don't care. I was only okay except whatever I was only interested because I like eating cookies. Yeah, it's a trick. Oh, okay. I don't care. I have I have multiple robots from Oh, okay. I don't care. I have multiple robots from global conglomerate spying, global tech companies with ties to the NSA. I have multiple devices with microphones in them, listening to me at all times because I don't want to get up and turn on a light. That is the degree to which I'm interested in my personal privacy, not at all.

You're telling me you can listen to my house all the time? Get, don't get the fuck at it, but I don't. With your cookies. But I don't have to turn, get up to turn on a light. Bring it in. Let's go. Light the, mic the whole place up. Bring the CIA and tomorrow.

I am sending my DNA to the same people, to the government, to the FBI, just so I can, just so I can see how Mexican, Jewish, and Black I am. Yeah. That's the only reason anybody does that. I know. That's why we're all doing it. That's how little we care about our personal privacy.

You're telling me that every single site has to warn me about cookies. Just once send out a neat, send out one notice on the news. Hey everybody. There's cookies everywhere. Yeah cookies are everywhere. If you don't like it, don't get on the internet. Cookies and feces, cookies are everywhere. Cookies are all over the place. Feces is in every room of the house. Deal with it. It's on your toothbrush. That's it. I don't need a good night. in every room of the house, deal with it. It's on your toothbrush. That's it. I don't need a good night. Jumbo, I don't need a banner.

Every time you use a toothbrush, it has a box on it that says there's feces on this toothbrush. Thanks. Great. Every fucking day. Oh, hey, there it is again. There's feces on this toothbrush.

Please press X. Press okay if you agree to the feces on this toothbrush. Well, yeah, I mean, I don't have a choice. Yeah. So, what am I gonna do I don't have a choice. Yeah. So, what am I gonna do? Go open a new toothbrush? Yep. Every time, brush my teeth with my finger,

and you gotta click a box there. There's feces on this finger, okay. Tired of seeing the cookies boxes pop up. Uh, yeah, let me read some comments. Need a shift gears. Hey, Dick, I wanted to tell you that I crossed the finish line in the Virgin contest. Yeah.

I never joined the group, but after two years of not really trying, I decided to really go, you know what? What? All virgins do my, do my game of ask your mom, wife or girlfriend when these five wars happen. The American Revolution, the Civil War, World War One, World War Two, and Vietnam, to a random chick. And if you play that chick's love getting quizzed on shit, and if you play it like most women can't answer this,

they will immediately want to compete. Yeah, and you can, I'm different. Yeah, if you tell them I've asked 10 women, or you heard this thing on a podcast where women just don't know this you will all want to do it you're totally right and you can ask they all will have a reason why they said what they said that will be based on some shit that they heard that will let them talk about high school yes, that's all that that's all women want to do that's all women want to do. That's all everybody wants to do. To be fair. Huh.

Huh. See you used it the correct way. Not the arguing way. Don't do it the arguing way. Just say I suck cocks. Do it. Everybody in the Virgin contest and semi-in update all send it out to everybody this week,

but definitely do that one. That's way better than pick up lines. Who's gonna make a song based on that that I suck Cox pull? Come on guys. I never joined the group two years, not really trying to set it to go for it and started in January. I'm 23. Twice now I topped fucked this absolutely adorable 10 out of 10 Asian guy. That's probably a typo. He meant girl. I've been seeing since February. I'm gay. Probably meant I'm not gay. So definitely an ass man. Well, in that situation was pretty good. And then he has a lemme face. Do you even know what a lemme face is? A lemme face? Lemme face. That little guy who's like weird characters

that you can't type on the keyboard, but he's making like a smug sneaky face. Uh, no, I don't know why it's called Lemmy face. Yeah, I don't either. Second time might have been without a condom. Okay. Might have been, oh, like, what you're really playing at Koi, isn't he?

This is why they, it just is why. It might have been. This is why they just might have been, this is why they had to be an Arthur's gay wedding. Cause a shit like, cause of jokes like that. Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee. All right, it's not the satamy that parents don't want. It's the smart assness of the gay people. That's what they don't want. It's, that's, if they probed their minds,

remember like that fingerprint brain scanner? Yeah. I was talking about, that's if they probed their minds, remember that fingerprint brain scanner? I was talking about, it's not the gay stuff that the parents have a problem with. It's the smart-ass, smart-allociness. Might have been with. Yeah. Okay. All right.

I just, I don't wanna congratulate you so much anymore. No, no straight person does that, cause that may be me. I don't, right? What? Is that you don't hear that tone from that is a gay tone. Maybe. Yeah. I haven't thought about it. They're having so much fun probably. Well, yeah, maybe so. Because being straight is the mental disability. The who needs to qualify being straight as a mental disability ASAP and get a solution in as a disorder and get a solution in before the video game.

The cure is obviously video games. Don't you think that's insane? Yes. The world insane that video games are a diagonal, like in its own category is what's, yeah, is what's insane about it. They just did a search and replace on alcohol. Yeah. No, a video game.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like just to target people, just to target kids. I don't know alcohol. Yeah, I'm gonna put video games in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like just to target people, just to target kids. I don't know what they're, I'd love to hear their reasoning for why it's a specific, with the exact same symptoms as any other addiction. Yeah, but this one is only done by teenage boys, right? Well, I mean, if someone came, if someone came up to me and said,

you're playing too many video games, I said, well, you're gonna be playing too many, getting a controller shoved up your ass. Yeah, I got a long day, hard day, and I'm doing this to not drink. So, you're fucked yourself. Well, and look, it's like there's evidence around you that you're doing okay.

Yeah. You know, you that you're doing okay. You're not completely fucked up. You own a home, you own your pills or paid. It's... I'll tell you something else that makes me a rage. Accidental chick drinks. So I haven't been drinking for six days. I didn't have a drink for like six days.

So 80s girl and I decided, all right, I decided to let's go out and said, and have like a normal happy hour experience on Friday where people go out and just have a couple drinks. I'm gonna try this one on for size. Yeah, right? Instead of usually, I get to a bar and I need to accelerate the drinking as fast as possible

to get right to max that time, to go from miserable to morose. Yeah. Like those are the levels and then on to incapacitated is three. But I thought, let's enjoy it. There's the $10, the $12 fancy drinks are for the person who is not trying to do that. Let's see how the, see how the normies do it. The person who can still get tipsy off of one drink, right? Crazy.

Let's go in, like, oh yeah, okay. Jen, I like that. Orange juice, yeah, sure. That's a man's ration. Let me have this, let me have this drink up here, up top. Boom, right up top. It comes in a, the sissiest little glass, like a miniature chalice, bright pink,

with a clothespin of parsley or rosemary or something on the side. Think, well, okay. I see what the problem is here. Give me all your booze. Take, do it again. Yeah. Was there no, was there no notice?

Could you have warned me on this drink that it would be a pink mess before I got here? I'm not, I'm not sending it back, right? Yeah, right. Anyway, second time might have been without a condom which felt a lot better because we're not filthy degenerates, just clean, respectable degenerates. All right, good for you, Dan.

Congratulations. CJ Canton, tip to the short guy, get nice shoes, and wear lifts. That's true. That's a good one. Yeah, how many people do that? Congrats, May your reign of terror last for many years to come.

Jeff, this is from, this is from, God, I forget what her name is, the drag queen. Fuck the face swap filter. Back in my day, we had to shove our balls inside of our body or agami the skin into a smooth flat surface and smear hundreds of dollars of makeup on our face for hours to become a lady. That's true. It's too easy now. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, this is your five years of podcasting today. Oh, too easy now. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, this is your five years of podcasting today. Oh, because I started episode two. Yeah. Oh, well, congratulations to me. Gradually, we're not going to make a big deal out of it. No, like mine. Right. So, I wanted to let you know. Thank you. So, you know, I know you don't like celebrating things. No, I do not.

Josh Baladoi, when I first started listening to Biggest Problem in the Universe, it was an Um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,ying, met new friends, moved to a new town, got a better job, have banged and dated Wayhunter Chicks, and learned how to loosen up and stop being a little bitch about things all the time. And it's all been thanks to you, Dick, without the inspiration you've brought to me to live a better life, I probably would have ended up like Maddox, and I'm truly grateful for that. Wow, here's to another five years.

Go fuck yourself. It's really easy to turn into a whiny little bitch in life, isn't it? Yeah. You can always find people who will enable it. Yeah. It's true. Corona's poo. He's sent in stuff before you have it.

Yeah, he is. Be careful, Dick. Having kids sucks. Don't listen to coach and Doug. They're like senior frat boys who already pledged, so they want to fuck everyone else over by convincing them it's worth it. I do get that feeling when people say to have kids.

Here's what you won't be able to do when you have a kid. Sleep in, hung over until noon. I don't, I'll miss that. That's all you need. Have any of your shit out when you're not watching it, that makes me insane. The kids come around and I start short-circating it immediately. Touch 80s girls nipples for half a year after the birth,

which will be made worse by her tits going up two to three cup sizes. Well, you've sold me, I don't need to read anything else. Here's what you get to do instead. Get sick every two weeks, deal with other people's kids, all of whom are retarded. Deal with the parents of other people's kids. All of whom are retarded. Deal with the parents of other people's kids, all of whom are retarded.

I think that would be tough. Yes. Having to sit there. For you, that would be very tough. It would be like a nonstop that scene in fear and loathing in Las Vegas, where Benicio Dortoro is leaving the drug seminar, laughing like an asshole.

Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. And then don't care. I would, yeah. Waste one evening a week in parenting classes with your pregnant wife watching videos of women shitting themselves. And learning how not to kill your kid.

Yeah, well, that sounds rough. All right, let me bring Aiden here. Hey Aiden. Hey. How the hell are you? I'm pretty fucking good, man. It's been a while. I think the last time I saw you was in Knoxville.

It was, I believe. Oh, man, if so much, it feels like Knoxville. You were in Knoxville? Yeah, it was in Knoxville for the big fight that didn't happen between Andy Warzky and Dunga. I think all parties lost, eventually. Yeah. In that.

Everyone died a little bit. That's a little bit. Tonka is gone. He's making fun of Nick Rackett's now for some reason. Oh, I know Well, I know it was like with me the other day too apparently I didn't I like who cares to who five people okay, you know, yeah Andy Andy Worsky seems like he's kind of off the deep end now, too. I don't know what's going on with him Anyway, I Saw you posting about the chicken VR. Okay.

And I wanted to talk to you about that. Can you briefly explain what it was that you were the chicken VR that everybody was talking about? Right. So they actually already did this study on RAT a couple of years ago, where they put rats into a virtual reality machine that basically had them on a little treadmill. That's a sphere so the rat can have a very pre-range of movement.

They have a 360 degree camera or not a camera screen around them. And that's projected all these images. And they had the rats compete maze puzzles. And they found, then they scanned their brains. And they found that they reacted and responded to this virtual reality environment, the same way they would to a real one, more or less, that they couldn't tell the difference

between the virtual reality and real life. Because it's a stupid rat. It is, the virtual reality stuff is crazy. We went two weeks ago, my family in 80s girl all went down to this like big virtual reality center downtown. Yeah. And we did one of those games where you're fighting a horde of zombies that's coming at you. It seems, it seems 100% real. Like when you're in there, there is, It seems 100% real. Like when you're in there, there is no escape. Like, and the funniest part is watching people

tape it from the side. Like watching people record it from the side. You've got 80s girl who's on the ground screaming. Like she's actually getting attacked by a horde of zombies. And then I'm doing this ridiculous combat shooting pose. I didn't even know I was doing it. I was just so amped up. And I'm doing something that it looks like

it's out of a movie. Like, brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr, but I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. It was incredible. Did it have a smell and heat and that kind of stuff to make you think another one? I did the Star Wars one. What's that?

There was a Star Wars one in Glendale that was only supposed to be there for a little bit, but it was such a success that it was there for like months and months. It was cool. Like you walk around, there's a place where you go like on lava, you're like floating on this like this kind of a hovering, a little transport thing to go over and you've got to shoot monsters, you've been up fighting Darth Vader at the end. Like it's, yeah, but there's, you smell smoke, you get heat, you get hot air blasted in your face.

I never wanted to leave. And it was cool. As soon as that, like as soon as that thing becomes as ubiquitous as an iPhone, I think we're gonna lose a significant amount of people into it. Just because, just because it's so much nicer and more fun to be in there. That's what George said he was going.

Yeah. Never back in the big, he was like, yeah, I'm never leaving. Oh, yeah. It's the best place for him. I can see, I can see losing like 50% of people to it. Anyway, Aiden. It's really funny because I was literally, I had to leave a podcast I was just in because like 50% of people to it. Anyway, Aiden. It's really funny because I was literally, I had to leave a podcast I was just in because

I forgot because I broke my phone the other day. So I lost all my calendar notes that I was already supposed to be out of podcast earlier. But we were talking about this exact subject. And I think it's probably more like about 90% of people would say, hook me up to your dope. I mean, so you linked me to this study talking about how people's perception of themselves changes based on the avatar that they're using. And I thought it was, it was so interesting for two reasons. Number one, when the Xbox came out with these new avatars some years ago.

It was, they took the character that you made and put lesbian hips on them. Yeah, oh, I remember that. Do you remember that? So you were all the sudden everybody who played Xbox was now a Adoie lesbian to more closely resemble the populace. Is that? I don't know.

But I was so pissed off because I had this cool looking guy that looked like that looked like me stuck some big berth and hips on you yeah and then they they then they they cut a lesbians they put a lesbians body on it they put say they put the girl from silence of the lambs is her body and I want oh fuck this now every time I play this game I got to imagine I'm this sassy lesbian this sucks. There's a bunch of really cool research on this it's probably the thing I've studied the most. That's um there's been called the player avatar interaction management or scale which basically says that everybody looks at avatars in different ways and in different contexts.

So you either see them into these four ways. Avatar is me, Avatar is other, Avatar is symbiot, or Avatar is me, others, symbiotool, tool. And so the tool one is, I understand me and other. What's symbiot and tool? So, actually, other is kind of weird, because it's the rarest one for people to perceive avatars as. Okay, I only understand me. Maybe I don't.

So me is, I am, this is a representation of myself. Okay. Symbiot's the next probably, or simply tools, probably easier because that means I'm using the avatar as a tool to do something. You have no connection to it. Yeah. Okay.

Is that like in games where you're following behind the guy? Like because I'm not thinking that I'm CJ, or whatever his ass was in Grand Theft Auto. Which one was it? Here we go again, yeah. Aw shit. Yeah, I don't think I'm those guys, right? Right, right.

So, well, that could be, so there's another thing, which is other, which is, it's not me, it's not a tool, but it's another person that I am assisting in reaching their goals. Okay, yeah, that's like that. That's like red dead redemption. So you still have a connection to them. Yeah, helping them. I felt bad that his horse, no, but I thought that was my fucking horse. Oh, huh.

Well, that's symbiot. Because it's something, some part of it is me, but some part of it is not me. Okay. We are in a symbiotic relationship. And those are the basic types, and they can be, again, it can be different games, but we do find it's a trait-like thing, which means that if you're a person who plays games

always for the purpose of role-playing, you might be more prone to do symbioter other. If you're a person who really only plays more, like, or is only interested in more, like, first-person shooters or things where there's not a present avatar or a strong character, you might be more me or tool. is only interested in more like first person shooters or things where there's not a present avatar or a strong character. You might be more me or tool.

That's interesting. I'm thinking about like Mario now and even with the shitty pixels, like I still feel like that's kind of me. Well, we have to, because humans, we, this is kind of a question earlier, where we're not capable of differentiating virtual reality from fiction.

And this is what I was talking about in the study I sent you was a ye and balance in 2007 and Baleson Blaskevich, ye Baleson Blaskevich 2009, I basically found that when you put someone into a virtual reality device, they're more or less not only incapable of even when it's crap, remember this 2007, so it is really bad virtual reality. Yeah. Even in that very crappy state, they proved scientifically that short people got no reason to live.

What do you mean? That took a hard turn. That's a hard turn. So there's been a long history of research that's shown, when you put people into this scientific environment and you have them play a game where they have to decide how to break up $100. That consistently, when you put a tall person and a short person together, the short person will take the shorter end of the deal. So they'll take $25 and give the taller person 75.

This is because of a perceived power differential in social power. Okay. Here is the really crazy thing. When you put people into a digital body, wherein they were given a short avatar and were told to interact with a tall avatar, the exact same effect was found.

It gets crazier. Isn't that crazy? It gets fucking wild to me, Sean.? It gets worse. Why don't you me, Sean? Okay, yeah. Like there's nothing, there's nothing going on in your brain other than the collection of external stimuli that acts in accordance with a blueprint that's already there for everyone.

Like there's nothing that makes you you, except for your physical body. It's so fucking crazy to me. Okay, what was the, what was the crazier thing? It gets worse in that when they took the exact same people, so it had been a confederate meaning it was another researcher who had interacted with this person through the virtual environment. Right.

They re-did the same experiment. The people who were in the shorter-bodied avatars consistently took crappier deals. When they moved offline, they took the headsets off, and they had that person who had been in the short-body interact with these exact same person, regardless of their height in the real world, for about 30 minutes, the same effect occurred wherein they perceived themselves as a shorter person. Wow. That's why I got into social science was that exact, I find it actually important.

That's interesting as fuck. So, let me ask you this. I've talked about this before. Well, I just want to ask you so much about it because the self the self perception thing is so interesting to me because it defines like how my your quality of life basically you can make it better or worse. I was at Burning Man and I saw a reverse mirror box that shows you your face but flipped around. And I don't know if this is a common experience but but I look at my face every day and think like, all right, well, you know, you better learn how to play an instrument or something like,

like come on, what are you trying to, what are you trying to pull with this fucking face going outside with this today? But I saw in the reverse mirror box, it looked like a totally different person. Like I recognized it as me, but I did not have that sense of, oh, this person's a monster.

Like it just looked like a normal guy. Yeah, like oh, huh. You're so used to looking at your face the same way, with whatever you're used to seeing on the left. Yeah. So I guess my question is, can this avatar shit be used for you? Like if you have a, if you're looking at a character and avatar of you that's a hot shot, super stud,

will you be that going out into the world? And like, will it let you slay more pus? Get that raise, tell your mom to fuck off while you're playing your video games? Like, like, nice, these are puslayer. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I'm going to get it on the rim. And there is an answer, which is yes, probably. Because right now it's already being used in a mix pose your therapy, which is if you have

an extreme fear of something, let's say spiders, we can put you into an, so the way that exposure therapy has to be. What about commitment? Does it work on that? I don't think we've done that study yet. Can it increase your fear of commitment? I would like some of that. I want to say my name. You know what? You can probably condition almost anything, but the thing that makes the virtual reality better for it or probably better for it is because

since your brain can't disconnect the ideas, what we usually do exposure therapy, if you're afraid of snakes, you go in, pick up a snake. If you're afraid of spiders, you go stick your hand in a pit full of spiders. If you're afraid of social, if you're afraid of people, you have to go into a public place and they make you talk to people. Exposure therapy is pushing the baby bird out of the nest and saying sink or swim, fly or die kind of thing. But with a virtual reality device, you can have all of the same effects, which are positive of exposure therapy without the potential negatives.

So we've done that. We've also found over 10 years of research, and I also said just right yesterday, over the 10 years of research on virtual reality, consistently we now have found that giving burned victims, putting them into a virtual reality environment where it's cold and where it's like there's calm music playing, reduces their perceptions and they reported pain. So virtual reality because we can't quite tell the difference from reality has really crazy effects. Like if you could just have,

you just had a mirror that was like a confidence boosting mirror that you could like all the chicks on Snapchat that are looking at like furry versions of themselves with giant eyes and warped skin, is that helping? Probably increase in self-esteem, absolutely, because you're looking at ideal self. We've seen, for example, tons of so much research.

There's so much stuff on, for example, gender switching in video games and guys who play female characters. I do that all the time. Feeling much greater self-esteem because they get stuff for free? Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, I would at work, I would tell anybody emailing anybody for like, for an interview or a link, just use a chick name.

Like that was, that was, that was a pile of just like, yeah, yeah, just change a chick name to whatever and email them and see if you can get, see if you can get an interview or link or something like that. I also read on one of the studies that you linked me that women who have sexier avatars will act more sexfully. Yes, it's actually both men and women with female avatars will act or sexual.

And the thing is, there's nothing going on. There's, I mean, there's fucking nothing in there separating anything inside your head. It's just a big gray mosh. It's like operating on like a, just a more subconscious level or like a base level, right? Yeah. Just perceptions that you don't, you're not actively thinking about. Yeah. Just like, just perceptions that you don't, you're not actively thinking about. Yeah, maybe. So I was right in saying that that gender swap Snapchat filter was making everyone gay.

Oh, it probably does. I mean, I would, it doesn't make you gay. It just messes up your brain. You can't tell the difference. It makes you show everyone how gay that you always were. Let me rephrase like Mumpke Jones and Justin Wang. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Well, perhaps. always were. Let me rephrase like mumpki johns and Justin Wang. Yeah, yeah. Well, perhaps, I think that part of that is too that again,

the brain is is as complex as it is, is also very simple. And when you start to screw around with one system and you start to slightly confuse it, it doesn't know quite how to respond. So it's like constantly our brains are always filling in the gaps for what we don't get. Yeah.

So if you see something that looks like a woman, yeah, it's a dog. It's a dog. Even if you know it's a man. It doesn't matter. I've always said, if you give a woman a wig, like give your wife or girlfriend, it would total change.

Yeah. She'll totally change. She'll totally change. She'll act like a totally different woman. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess it's a cheap VR if you can't afford an Oculus Rift. All right. What else have you been working on, Aiden?

Besides just the VR thing, which is pretty funny, because I thought that chicken VR thing was originally a joke, and then I went in and looked at it, and there was so much research behind it. By the way, don't support it, because the second livestock, which is the actual name of the chicken VR thing, and the calculus rift, as far as I can tell, appears to be kind of a scam. That's because they do not have,

and I'm saying that because they don't really have the technology to know how birds see things differently than humans. We still don't know it. We know that, for example, chickens have a higher sensitivity to near UV light. So I don't really like this idea yet. We know it works on rats, but rats are very similar. Chickens are very disparate for animals. I would love to see like a chimp in a VR suit or like an ass-a-human.

Would you like to? Because I have a picture for you. Yeah, well I'm not sure. Not the picture, but like how they act when they're the same as everybody else. Like if they can you train them to be a human and walk a, will they walk around and act? Oh, yes, they've already done that. Yeah, it's a study. I'll find it in a minute.

It's Aaron Alvin tank 2014. They put, I think that's the one where they put the chimp. They put a chimp in a, they basically had it play Minecraft. Yeah. And it did better than like, first of all, one of them, one of them whose name was Pansy, which is one very creative guy's and two, just funny. So that one chimp was really autistic

and really good at Minecraft. And out did all of the children that played the game. Children are in good at video games anyway. If you like all the, but he also out did 20, he also out did 80% of the humans of the adult humans, excuse me. So we're gonna have a future where monkeys are playing against the farms of South Korean gold farmers

are gonna be manned by monkeys and dogs. against the farms of South Korean gold farmers are gonna be manned by monkeys and dogs. That's the thing, it's a virtual planet of the eight. That's where we'll be slaves. Like the future. You're gonna be playing online memorpigas against monkeys who can fuck you up. Cause they got like, have you ever seen a monkey do the number ordering?

Yeah, well, they have a much better memory and like short term for like recall on that stuff or recognizing patterns, I can't remember exactly what it is. But yeah, they're. Yes, exactly. Yeah, it's really, they were much better at the more complex tasks because they should have organized them. They're gonna have actual money.

Monkeys are gonna get on the internet and their accounts are gonna have cryptocurrency They cannot be owned by anyone else and they are they're going to make actual purchases. Yeah, chip Point in the world. Yeah, you'll not and you won't be able to dope them out of it. Yeah, because they you can't con them This is an exciting future. This is a future. I want to stick around for armies of monkeys in VR competing against you in in war games and driving games. It'll be like when the Japanese come on in Tetris 99 and they just wipe everybody else and it's just squiggle lines all the way down. But

this will just be monkey, monkey names, nut, chip, pong, pansy, whatever they are all over the top. What were you going to send in? Oh, I could send you some horror. I posted on Twitter actually. If you look, there's a picture that I posted, this is called science. Where is a picture of Robo Bonobo? Robo Bonobo. It rhymes there. That's why I like it. What the hell is this picture? They just basically put the head of a monkey on a horrifying contraption. We got to get these monkeys on VR.

I got it to interact with, but they actually I do also have a picture of a monkey using a VR device because they, well, it's not a complete VR because they didn't have a headset for it. So they just have it. Listen to me. Listen to me. This is the future. You're going to, the girl it's not a complete, the arcs they didn't have a headset for it. So they just have it, like a touchscreen. This is the future. You're gonna, the girl you've been talking to for three years online is not a guy. It's a monkey.

And it's been using predictive text to send you messages back to you. Right, when it's not writing Shakespeare. Yeah, right. Right. When it's not writing Shakespeare. Yeah. Right. Right. It's a it's going to be an entire virtual country of monkeys playing VR with each other. Having an economy, having relationships. Oh, God. Maybe I don't, I don't want to figure out. We deserve. Yeah, I agree with that. All right. And what else you got that's interesting?

This was I mean, I think my mind is blown enough already. I mean, not really other than yeah, I can't always go on about the VR stuff because it's probably like a primary area of research is. I just want to know how it can be used to get more money and have sex with women. Again, yeah, you can totally, if you go, okay, if you make an avatar and you interact with it and you have a very symbiotic relationship with it

over a long period of time and the avatar is very, there's been tons of research on this. It can increase your self-esteem, it can increase your ability to be more socially open and more outgoing. All of these things are whatever you put into the character or whatever you view the character as because it's you're going to reflect something of the avatar. That's just the reliable stuff. So you go into the bathroom to put up like a James Bond avatar or whatever and talk yourself up and then you got 30 minutes before that wears off.

Or if you're talking about, go ahead. The thing is Dr. Nicholas Yeat, the guy who invented this, who discovered this, left academia because he discovered he could make way more money working for Ubisoft. he could make way more money working for Ubisoft. So there's not been, and the way that academia works as well, is that once someone leaves academia, they are shunned, very naughty, Nick Yee, you love it. So now you're not going to get anyone's ever going to mention your theory anymore. So there hasn't been a ton of research on it since about 2015. I mean, do we even really need research?

Like I got the ideas out. If you want to make a, you want to make a kill, make an app that has a sexy girl. Look, chicks love me's. They fucking love, they fucking love them. Every new system that comes out as soon as you open the box, if a woman is in five miles of you, she will hear a new video games being opened, run over, and start making little virtual memes of herself and everyone she knows. It is a fucking curse.

You have to bar the door. They're like a zombie mob. They were just like, are you opening video games in there? Is it have a me creator? Is there a way I can make a little virtual me on that fucking thing? If you make one at a bar like a slutty me and make her do the avatar thing, she will be more inclined to fuck you, right? Oh, oh, that's what I'm getting at.

There is research on that. Yes, there is research on that. It's decocheliosin. Oh, no, it's not. I mean, you go with this is the, I don't know if I'm just being decocheliosin. If you was really close to boisterous coconuts, their names, because it was presented at a conference in Greece, and I'm trying to remember this study, where yeah, it did increase sexual desire in women who had a very sexy avatar.

That's wild. Imagine a bar where the smart mirrors only show hot chicks and they don't show you. And the guys version is the same thing. Oh my God. That'd be great. Right? Yeah. Constantly priming.

All right. All right. I've been creepy enough about this. Do you got anything that makes you rage? Oh, yeah. Discord. I hate the fact that when I sign in and I type in my email address wrong, it makes me try to play this fucking stupid god damn annoying is

Fuck game with its stupid fucking what do you call it capture system that takes 30,000 times I bought I bought a forechand pass. I have to deal with this shit I don't I would pay you money you fucking assholes to not make me spend fucking 10 goddamn minutes Just cuz I I fucking let the letter out of my fucking email address. I still don't know what the traffic light comprises of. Is it do they want just the light or do they want the whole poll? It's all that every single capture that Google puts out is click on all the squares that

have a traffic light. Oh yeah, yeah. The picture. The hanging thing or do you want the whole poll too? I don't please specify while you're wasting my time. All right, and thank you. Thank you for coming. Yeah, thanks for having me on.

Get out of here. Keep doing what you do. Get those monkeys on VR. That would be a good planet of the apes. That is planet of the apes. That's how it's going to go down. They're just in there. They got like missile controls and stuff. Yeah. Can they hack?

I don't know. Oh no, probably. Oh no. Okay, this is the greatest pickup line in the world. Let me see how this goes. By hilarious jalapeno. There is, there's also like real men who are regular guys who just own construction companies.

And we're hanging out at this bar with a real life version of the cartoon, the Texas from Simpson's. And he says, guys, I can't believe it. It's very easy. Let me clue you in. This is the line of those guys. All you gotta do, the only line you will ever need is you ask a woman about her shoes. Every single time that's what they're both seeing on is the shoes. They're bringing back for shoes. Every single time that's what they're both the same. It's the shoes.

They're bringing back up shoes. I'm bringing them to bring these sandals. And just in case I want to throw these flats on, when we get to the key band, I'm going to put these in the trunk. So I can slip into the it's it is the if they the agonize. There is nothing that a man, if you can and you had an interchangeable penis

and you were swapping penises out, that is the same agony we would be going through, if that were real. It was like that emoji with the smiley face in the gun except without the gun. It was just a big smiley face, I cannot believe this was right in front of my face Into the Aladdin's cute one. Yes, it was a ladded escape of wonders Opening up the forest. Oh God, that movie's out. Very of Alexey's red-end

Opening up the forest The engine of her lorins It's agg The sip-file Opening up the floor by eyes So I can be used on this whole Reistality I have been trying in

All we And women have been lightly loved. Like Christmas trees. Wallwalk, those spits like, hey, how you doing? Hey, what's going on here? I love the hair. I love your hair. I love your eyes. Nothing.

I'm shouting this in women. Is that who I think it is? 500 yards in the pan. You want to talk to them? More than anything. OK. OK. And I whisper under my breath. Oh, my god. talk to him more than anything. Okay. Okay.

I saw I saw it. Two girls. My future. I hate to interrupt the song. All right. All right. Oh, Chris, the key. We how you doing? Good, how are you? I'm doing great. So you wanted to call in. I think you emailed me and said you wanted to call in to tell me off. Was that it? I have your email here. I can read it. If you want to? Yeah. Hold on, I got like 50 emails from you let me sort it You don't have to if you don't want to know I want to it's funny. I Want to talk I want to talk about Dr. Rachel T Okay, here's the email you sent Dr. Rachel is right. You do take advantage of me

You're a retarded piece of shit. I was gonna call her in and say exact I was gonna call in and say exactly that to you, but you're not worth it. You making fun of people like myself is distaste. Let me take it that right. You making fun of people like myself is distasteful, but I'm not even gonna give you the satisfaction. Oh my God. Are you getting any satisfaction?

Are you getting satisfaction? I am. Yeah, I'm getting a lot of satisfaction now. What's going on, Chris? Oh, great. I'm feeling a bit upset. I'm not feeling pretty confused as to whether you're making fun of me. I'm not finding it really hard to figure that out. But...

Well, what's hard to figure out? Well, I'm gonna confuse because Rachel no longer calls on the show. And um... Yeah, she blocked everybody. She blocked me. She said she's gonna bring me down. Hold on, let me read her texts about it. But she got real pissed off at me.

Can you tell me, yeah. Can you sort of tell me, can you sort of tell me with a straight face whether you have my best interest in art or not? Yeah, I don't want you messaging people on the internet that you're trapping their tits off and fingers off. That's gonna get you in more trouble

than you're already in. I don't want you harassing your cousin because your family is probably the only people on Earth that would want to take care of you and tolerate your shit. So yeah, I would like you to not destroy those relationships. But I'm not too happy with the way you treat me, either, you know? Yeah. But there's a smile. But I either, you know, yeah, it's a smile

But I mean you do admit that you have been a bit nasty to me and stuff have no or what do you mean nasty? Well, it's just the way you treat me on your show sometimes. That's all right. What did I say? Well, you know, but I don't have to say that but why what did I say you said I mean nasty? How am I being nasty? I don't have to say that, but what did I say? You said I'm being nasty. How am I being nasty? I don't know. You just say, you just mean you cut me off. You hang up with me and stuff like that.

That's not really nice, you know? That's, I hang up on you. That's your worst claim. I gotta keep things moving here, man. And you say, I'll freak you out and shit all day. I mean, you say, I was at mean two, you do freak me out. You say, you say some pretty freak you out and shit all day. I mean, you say I'll freak you out. That's what that means to you. You do freak me out. You say some pretty helpful stuff to me.

Oh, well go cry about it. What are you, a little girl? You can't take having a hurtful thing said about you. You do freak me out. You're talking about chopping tits off too much. Well, if you want me to call on the show, maybe you should pay me for it instead of like taking advantage of me.

How much do you want? Oh. About $400,000. Here, Dr. Rachel sent somebody leaked this of one of her texts. I think this is why she blocked everybody. She said, yeah, I'm pretty sure he's talking about you. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was jerking off. He has a rare good titshots of me.

Is that true? Do you have titshots of Dr. Rachel? Not naked pictures, but only the one that, with a low-cat type, that's it. I mean, if you call that a tits picture, that's not really a topist picture. So people display things out of proportion. They just think that I've done something when it's not actually a top is picture. So people display things out of proportion. They just like think that of dumb summing when it's not actually true. So it's all bullshit,

really, you know? But do you, is she right? Were you jerking off to that picture? No, I don't know where you got that from. She said it. She said that she thought you were jerking off to a picture of her. That's crap. That's crap. You would never do something like that? Maybe. Oh, you maybe would think about doing it at some point. That's crap. That's crap. You would never do something like that? Maybe. Oh, you maybe would think about doing it at some point? No, but, um, no, listen, Dick, I just want to say that. Okay.

Here, you also sent me this. I want Dr. Rachel to come to Australia and visit me and date me. Is that what? Yeah. Yeah. You mean, you know, that's, you know, there's no chance of that. That's the entirety of the email. I'm telling you that all day. Well, that may be your opinion, but I'm failing quite depressed. I mean, the thing is,

I really, I do really have an attachment for Dr. Rachel and you can't say whether or not whether she'll come to Australia because you don't know your position, you don't know how she feels. And the thing is I really do like Dr. Rachel and I really would like to for her to come to Australia whether she feels the same way or not, but you know, I really do. Hopefully, I mean, she'd have to feel the same way to come, you don't want her to come there if she doesn't feel the same way, right? Well, best tell you up to here, isn't it? Yeah, what is she has she given you any indication that she wants to date you or go to Australia to live with you and date you? I I have no idea because she's extremely hard to get hold of, you know, I think you I think that's a clue Yeah, I think that's a clue of a woman likes you. She's not hard to get a hold of.

In fact, it's the other way around. Well, there's too much of her. I don't agree with you about this, it's me. So. Well, what are you think's gonna happen? Well, I really like Dr. Rachel a lot. I mean, she added me on the Twitter account. And because Twitter is like, so strict when it comes to whatever rules and stuff like

that, they beat me off. I didn't really get a chance to develop my friendship with Dr Rachel. You got to take Dr. Twitter? Yeah. Well, I won't get into that, but that's why I'm calling on. That on this one, calling on the show because I really want Dr. Rachel tonight that I really like you, you know. What do you like about her? I'll just other things she's funny. Well, can I ask you a question, do you think they're a woman that they are attracted to trinrix? Almost all of them. Yes. Well, I just, I'm not necessarily saying that on my trinary, but I really want a psychopath. I really want Dr. Rachel to come here and like, they, they, they,

you look after me because I really wanted to. I I really want I really want doctor Rachel's attention. Yeah, but Chris she just I mean you know what? Fuck it. She will give it to you. What am I saying? She has already been your friend once. She has already been your friend again. What what am I even talking about?

Of course she might do it again. Of course she will talk to you again. What is wrong with me for suggesting otherwise? She's never come into Australia though dude. She just likes the entertainment. You're like all of this shit is like a TV show to her. That's what women do. They get entertained by interacting with men

in a non-physical way and then they're done. They're checked out of it. It's like turning off the television. Then they're done. They're checked out of it. It's like turning off the television. Then they're done with you. They go back to life. But you don't really know what's going on in your head, though. Yes, I do.

It's a bunch of kittens fighting. And... No, you don't. Okay, what's going on in her head then? She's looking for, what, a knight in shining armor to come take her away from her nursing career in California. You know the psychologist dick. So, so what? Are you a psychologist? No, no, I'm not a psychologist.

Well, I just think you're being a total jerk, Greg. Well, it seems like every time you say he's being a total jerk, it's because he tells you something that you don't want to hear regardless of whether it's true or not. Yeah, you complain a lot that I'm being mean, but it's really because you just don't like what you're hearing. He's giving you good advice every time. Well, I need your advice, Dick. But you keep asking for it.

Yeah. How are you going to get Dr. Rachel to Australia? What's your plan? Well, she's, I mean, from what I hear, I mean, I'm not really attracted to people's money. That's, I'm more attracted to people's whether they love or if they like someone. But I mean, I think Dr. Rachel does have the means to come to Australia. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, but why would she want to?

Why do you think there's any chance, any chance in the world? What do you think the chances of her coming to Australia are? What, Rachel? How do you know what, how do you know what is going on in Rachel's set as she doesn't want to call on the show and she doesn't like and she's boxy?

What makes you think she wants to reveal her true feelings, you know, to you? So you think her true feelings are that she wants to go to Australia and date you? Well, I don't know. This is what I'm trying to figure out. I will tell you, I will bet anything that the answer is no. That she does not want to does a zero chance of that. Well, she doesn't even want to call on you shows. So how do you how would you know?

I mean, do you, yeah. I, I, so what do you think the odds are? And what's your plan to get her to Australia? Let's hear it. Oh, well, look, I'm not going to go answer it. All I want to go on to talk in the show. You're breaking up, dude. Can you hear me now?

Yeah. Stop jerking off to those pictures of Dr. Rachel's tips for a second. Okay. All I want for, this is all I want to call in for. All I want for Dr. Rachel to know is that I really like her and I've got a strong attachment to her and that's it. That's all I want to call in the show for. That's all I want to let to know is that I really like her and I've put a strong attachment to her and that's it. That's all I want to call on the show for. That's all I want to leave alone.

Yeah, but you don't have a strong attachment to her. Like you don't, what is some stuff about her that you like? Give me anything that you know about her except that she's a woman. And she's funny. Yeah. She's funny. She played, we play with it. She never liked it.

That's all. What do you mean you play with it, Sharon, I like it, that's all. What do you mean you play with each other? You cut her tits off, she cuts yours off? No, that'd be stupid. You play five fingers play with her? No, we sort of fight with each other while we're used to, but now we've become friends or hopefully we've become friends, this is all I'm trying to say. Yeah.

Okay. Can you hear me? I'm not breaking up. No, you're not breaking up. You're just breaking my mind up. I don't know how you could be so delusional thinking that she's coming to Australia. But if you're having fun with it, then have fun with it. Who the fuck cares?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, look, don't think I'm trying to sort of be retweet, but all I'm saying to you, Dick, is that, you know, you must have to admit that you haven't been really nice being your show's though. Well, what have I done that's not nice. I let you get your message out to the women that you love.

I try to help you do that. Yeah, I know. it's not nice about that But you said you would give me money to talk to the inmate, but you didn't actually give in the giving me any sort of money Tell me what the community broke your vow of not of stopping threatening to cut chicks fingers off Didn't you and then you said you were done with that inmate because she didn't want to marry you Then you moved on to your cousin. Okay, well that's in the past, I don't really wanna talk about it.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Who's next, though? Is Dr. Rachel's not gonna work out? You gotta just let her go. No, not. You're not ever gonna let her go? All right.

Well, the thing is, I really want to have it. Look, yeah, I really want, maybe she's locked it with everybody. She doesn't really want to give anyone's contact details out. I mean, we don't know what's in there. I think no one knows what she's thinking. So maybe she does lock me, but she doesn't really want to sort of make it obvious. I don't know. What would what would convince you that she does not like you?

Yeah. What would she have to do or say for you to go, ah, she doesn't like me. If she says, I don't, you're too old, you're too fat, you're too poor, you live on the other side of the world. I'm afraid of you. You're giving off more red flags than an NFL or than a soccer referee with an NFL cards, like there's no way to make that one.

Whatever. What would make her? What? You could understand that there was one stage when I first started talking to her, she was spearing hate and she was saying really nasty. She thinks of me, but all of that, all of a sudden. And that sort of change, all of a sudden,

you got to ask yourself, why? You tell me why. It's because she likes you, because she fell in love with you, because she got, she liked the playing the games, and now she loves you, right? Well, that's it. You've answered your own question then, and that's what makes me think that she may want to take things further. I don't know. How would that weekend go if she came out to Australia?

How would that week go? What would you do when you plan stuff? So I didn't quite get that you were sort of talking over each other, what would you say? What would you do? Do you have a, like if she were to come to Australia, would you have a plan for, would you, would you plan some activities?

What would you, what would you do? Provided this happens. Go to the beach. There's lots of beaches here around. Yeah. Going to a coffee, going to dinner. I mean, you'd go to the beach. Would you compliment her on her bathing suit? If you're at the beach, pretend I'm Dr. Rachel. What would you say to her at the beach? I like your bathing suit. Can I give you a massage? Maybe he's got a game. I like your bathing suit. Can I give you a massage?

Can I like to book a hotel? What's wrong with your place? Well, that's a bit unromantic, don't you think? I mean, yeah, yeah, I get it right. You're right. You want to split, do you have money for a hotel room? Yeah, I do. Well, yeah, all right.

Who's paying for that, taxpayers? I'm not that mean, I'm not that mean with money. I do like to spend money on someone I like. Okay, so you'd get her to an ice hotel room, take her to the beach, give her a massage, a little wine and dine. There's a place called the Golco Surface Paradise, I'm not too sure if you hear that, but I heard that. I had a bunch of reservations there that I didn't get to use, yes, I had a vid.

There's a lot of hotels, horrorized hotels and stuff and maybe I can book in the night or something about, you know? Okay. Well, maybe she's listening and hopefully she got this, uh, maybe the description of her dream vacation. Do you want to marry her? Do you want to marry her? Do you want to get married? Do you want to propose to marry her? Chris, do you, do you want to marry married. Do you want to propose to marry her? Don't.

Chris, do you want to marry her? Do you want to marry Dr. Rachel? It depends if it depends if you get on. Yeah, we meet each other. I don't know. I don't think chicks going to buy that. She wants to know up front if this is a long term thing. But you can't just say, you can't just say things like that. You

got to meet and stuff like that and then progress so that you can't just say that all of a sudden. That's true. All right. I really want to say something. Look, Rachel, if you're listening, I really like you and I hate one day that we may meet. What else? That's it? That's not very compelling. You're not really making your case. I hope one day that we may meet. What else? That's it. That's not very compelling. You're not really making your case. You got to talk about her loneliness

and you're her destiny and stuff like that. Your density has popped you to her. And you'll solve it. She's got a deep hole in her heart and you can make the pain go away with some sexual healing. You've got to lay it on thick. You can't talk to women like I want to hang out with you. It's not good enough. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, go ahead. I mean, I'm not talking in general, but do you think, do you think, what sort of people do you think, Dr., what sort of people do you think Dr. Rachel's attracted to?

Probably overweight Australians, unstable Australian men. If I would say, what about, what do you think, Sean? What kind of men do you think, Dr. Dan from New Zealand? Do you think, do you think Dr. Rachel will hear these, um, this podcast, uh, this show, do you think? Probably. We're talking about her. So she'll probably listen. Yeah, I really, I really miss her. Um, I really miss Dr. Rachel and feeling quite depressed about it, actually. Oh, yeah. What would you, what, what's going to, what are you going

to do if you don't hear from her soon? I mean, right? As well go all the way. I don't know. I don't know. Why, why is she not talking to you now? Well, because I'm on Twitter, and there's only where, there's only where communicating with me. Oh, well, I think guys like Keon are more her speed to be honest.

Strapping, muscular, I don't think, I don't think she, she doesn't like Keon and I think, well, she told me that. Nobody likes Keon, yeah, no one likes Keon. Yeah, but she sent a bunch of DMs that got leaked. How's that for irony? Where she's talking about dating him.

Do you think Dr. Rachel's attracted to train wrecks, do you think? I don't know if I would call you a train wreck, buddy. You're kind of like an abstract painting of a train wreck. You're more like a restaurant in a train car. Yeah. So you're more like a train wrecked. Dick. Yeah.

What? I really want to know. What do you think Dr. Regilock? That's me. She doesn't like you. She doesn't like you. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I pet. You're like a, it's like a pet. Like she's dealing with you like a pet. When she has time to deal with you, she'll deal with you, but what you're getting out of that relationship is not what she's getting out of it. You're crazy to think otherwise.

And you're crazy additionally to that, but you're crazy in addition, but you're also crazy for thinking that she's getting out of it What you're getting out of it. It's not very nice. Yeah, that's not very right. That's not very nice But but it's really really to hang up on me though, don't you think? Well, no And I'm gonna do it again soon. You got anything else? You're on the asshole He's got you there

If you want more if you want more of Chris theE, he's got a podcast with Cantillian. You got to be kidding me. Yeah. They sit down. I haven't listened to it. I listened to some of it. I mean, it's exactly what you'd think it would be. Yeah.

Let me see here. I'm going to do, I just needed a little shot of crazy. It is crazy. Yeah. I got some Reddit rages for crazy. It is crazy. Yeah. I got some Reddit rages for you. Oh, good. Plunky beans is rewards cards. Every store that I go into nowadays has one.

I know. I couldn't give a shit about any of them. Even places I've gone to for years. And now every single cashier still tries to shield them to me. What's the big deal? They're free and it'll help you save a little money on each purchase. Oh, he's still. Of course, he's stuck my cock.

Chris the key. Oh, okay. If they're free and everyone gets one, what's the fucking point of the card? I wish they would just give, take your number. Like just take my phone number and leave me alone along with these fucking cards. Yeah. I understand the scam. Here's my gold platinum. I'm not a dumb fuck card. It means you can just have my phone number. I don't care. It's ruined anyway. It's already been sold all over town,

like a $5 whore. Just take it. Just take all my information and fuck off. And you, you the minimum wage slave that is doing this, you the cashier, additionally additionally fuck you for putting this effort into your job and leaving all the rest of it open to interpretation. Yeah, the important part. Every time you're Johnny on the spot with, hey, by the way, inconvenience and convenience

and convenience, where were you when I was trying to get shit off the, where were you when I was trying to get the last six pack of paper towels off the high shelf? That shit comes from corporate when they push those things. Of course. But it's still the Nazi at the end of the line actually doing it instead of just saying, you know what, I'm just going to not, you know what, fucking fire me. Right. How much are you going to play to replace me? Go nuts. I'm not doing so much else at work. You can find it in your schedule to not do that as well. Player 10, 29 every time my wife drives. And I get into her car, there's always a mountain of shit in the passenger seat that needs to be moved. So yeah, shit, you and I do that too. I stopped doing that. It doesn't drive anymore. Oh yeah. 80s girls

is cars like that. It's like a CV. it's like she wrecked into a CVS. Every woman's car is like an old person drove their car through a farmer's market into a CVS and then dropped it off at their house. Got you. And how did all this shit get in here? I ran into a CVS on the way over here. I think they're popping up everywhere.

Yeah. Anavar, deaf boomers who won't get hearing aids. Like grandma won't wear hearing aids. Because they're still clinging to their youth. Yeah, to put the goddamn things in. Put them in and we're gonna bolt them until you're fucking head. Put them in or you're going to wake up

with a rivet into your skull that has a hearing aid attached on it. Cause I am, I know I'm loud enough to be heard. If you put that goddamn device in your ear, you know what, you get three shots. If you don't wear your hearing aid around me, by the third time, you're learning sign language. And I will learn sign language just to spite you.

F-f-f-f-f-go-ho, God's. The turn on your video so others can see you message on Skype. How about you? Oh, yeah. Let's see here. Account 75309. Having to fake how much you love a company during job interviews. So why'd you choose HEB?

Because I'm a college student looking for a summer job and you pay the most. What's your favorite HEB product? I don't fucking know. I don't shop here, but of course you have to lie and say it's my favorite store ever. And I love their store brand and blah, blah, blah, blah. It is the whole the resume application experience is insulting to both parties, is insulting and embarrassing to both parties. It is stupid formality that is this little stupid dance. My sister recently made a resume and wanted me to look at it and it was a paragraph, an entirely garbage in the opener.

What is, you expect somebody motivated, driven, detailed, oriented, blah, blah, blah, seeking position with highly motivated professional. I'm professional. I was like, I got to stop you right here. The first, first three words, what the fuck is a highly motivated professional? What are you doing? Blow ever you're making million dollar deals? Yeah, you're wearing a six six thousand dollars suit What do you what he's a professional what? Just don't do your resume and comic sands and you'll be fine. Yeah, right. That's it. Yeah, you get hired right I have seen I've seen resumes with clip art on the cover. Yeah, that's your competition All right, let's get Tanner on and then we'll do some

Oh, Tanner's coming on. Yeah, let's see Tanner what's going on? Hold on buddy. I got you on my screen. Yeah, you're fine. What's up, man? How you doing? Not much. I'm still real and from that fucking delusion of an excuse for human being that just called in. Do you think he's delusional or do you think that him and Dr. Rachel have found their soulmates? I think that we need to bottle the kind of confidence that is and then force injected to every man in the world because if we could bottle that kind of confidence in ourselves,

we could take over more of this world than we already do. That's what that's everybody's avatar. They need to be Chris the Kiwi to get some confidence. They don't need to be Superman or James Bond. They just need to be that fucking guy. Okay, so you're you're putting together a party house for Vegas. There's a bunch of party houses in Vegas. Now you're doing one of them, right? Well, I'm doing I I'm, yeah, I mean, I'm kind of leading all of them, but I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised.

Has Dick said in Chicago as soon as you think someone else should be doing it, that means you're the guy to do it. Yeah, so what are you doing? What are you putting together? So there's a party villa that's gonna be there from Friday morning to, it's four days, three nights. So Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night.

Okay. And then we only have four bunk beds left though. We have 27 people already confirmed. So if any, there's four beds left, it's gonna be $190 for the four days. Holy shit. This can't be looking good. That's gonna be like barracks. Yeah, let me stack. Yeah, it's going to be ground zero

for the road rage debauchery. There's going to be a pool party that Saturday from like noon to five. We're going to do a barbecue cookout and have everyone over at the pool. People are welcome to join us. You had a suite, too, didn't you, At the Aria? Yep, so this is all gonna be happening a Saturday. So Saturday is the cookout pool party from 12 to 6. Right. And then the show starts at 9, I believe, if I go quickly. Yeah, so from like 6.30 or 7 until about 8.30, we're gonna be at the Aria and the executive suite.

Since 2000 square foot suite, and we're gonna do a pre-party for anyone who wants to come over and welcome out of control this show is gonna be Yeah Across the threat across the street from the venue so you don't have to go too far And we're gonna be there partying and then about half an hour before showtime We're all gonna head out and head over to the show. Stagger over, I can't wait to see you guys there. Do you wanna do some advice with us?

Tanner while you're on? What do you think of that Arthur Gay wedding too? But did you see too many cartoon gay weddings? Is that what happened to you as a kid? Exactly, that's exactly what I was. No, I don't know if I can watch. The most hilarious thing to me, the television was created in 1927

and Sean's over here thinking that Arthur is a 1920s. That was a joke. That was a joke. Of course it was. Yeah, because of the wars. Okay, it's what world traveling famous comedians do. It's called a joke. It's a call back.

Yeah. I see. I see. Yeah. Let me see if I can do something funny. One here. Uh, John, John, Suswaka, hey, Dick, I have a problem making my girlfriend come. He probably means he makes her come too much.

That can be annoying. That happens to me. It's, I mean, you get in there, pestering you at, you know, all the time. You get in half way and there's screaming like they're possessed. Like, come on, get over it. It's just, I mean, it's just a hack.

What are you, what are you doing? Don't embarrass yourself. Act like you've been here before, please. Generally, I don't usually come during sex and just enjoy the thought of slaying a bitch. That is very interesting. Weird. Huh.

Yeah, how do you know when you're done? I guess when the thought has no longer been in his head, what the fuck, who is this? Johnson's Wack-Up, but my girlfriend now has a super tight vagina. And I usually come before we get to into it. Any advice to last longer? I still watch porn and jerk off regularly, but it does. That's your problem.

Yeah. God, I don't know What's what's his regularly because his regularly could be six times a fucking day? That's I mean that's normal isn't it? Exactly How do you last longer how can you last how can you last longer during sex? Probably listen to the show while you're having sex That'll help. You need to, um, yeah, God. I mean, the age of, the old age old advice is to start switching positions when you feel like you're going to blow, but this guy sounds like he's blowing 30 seconds in. I mean,

I think that there, when you, when you come early, it's, it seems like there's something deep inside of you that you have to say to get out or else your dick will betray you and shoot it out and said. Can't be Arthur, be Arthur over and over again. Yeah, you have some like hidden drives that you don't want to say that you've got to get out. At your internal failsafe, that's your internal firewall.

It's like your internal firewall to not fuck this bitch. It's like your dick's way of trying to abort to get you out of this situation is to shoot jizz like a squid shooting inks so you can run away. I really, I do think that that sometimes if your brain doesn't want what's going on, your dick tries

to get through it as quickly as possible so you can blow and run. Get back to your phone. Yeah, so you can get back, try playing some words with friends while you're plowing her. Maybe that would work. Maybe that would work. And you can't go to the inner thoughts of the shit that she does the pisses you off because then you're just going go into a ragefuck

and you'll bust in quicker. Yeah. Try that too. Try doing the ragefuck. I'm trying to imagine times when that's happened to me. So he used to never come during sex and now he comes too soon. Yeah, he's got some things going on in his brain, right?

You need VR, buddy. You need to make a me. You need to make a little me that you can pretend to be what you're having sex. Well, that's what's gotta got to happen. They gotta have VR sex. Each of them are set up to their own headset, 10 feet apart from each other.

You know what? After doing the VR downtown, that is immediately what I wanted to do. We need to get two of these helmets so we can both have sex with virtual means in virtual reggae. Like Judge Dredd? What was demolition? Demolition man.

Sorry, yeah. Demolition man. Why not? Judge Dredd didn't have sex with anyone. No, he's not. I mean, my dick is hard at the idea of a holodeck. Like we were just inching closer and closer to that starch of a holodeck. Like, we were just inching closer and closer to that star-characolodeck.

I cannot fucking wait. Here's another one. Paul, Paul says, I feel like a piece of shit because I passed every test, the fire department of my city throughout me. And how do I stop feeling like a piece of shit? And out of the 1200 men, I was in the last 100, and they picked 40 to interview, and I wasn't one of them. I'm a maintenance man now. And out of the 1200 men, I was in the last 100, and they picked 40 to interview,

and I wasn't one of them. I'm a maintenance man now. See a white male? Must be. You know who knows, I don't know. 1200 people who knows. The maintenance man now, I had a pretty successful metal company with an astoundingly low wage,

I guess highway age for no one, but a college degree. But I've always wanted to be a fighter fighter. Oh, he's always wanted to be a firefighter. So I thought this would be my future, but it's on stall for now and I drink probably a little less than you do, but around the same caliber. And I'm not a bad looking dude, but I'm single. Just got out of a relationship and I'm just lost, dude. Sorry for the long email. Thought I had it more together by now. Finances are a great personal life, B plus, and social life is fine.

Still feel like a dumpster fire, even though I could work out all the time. And yeah, he's got to do some crunches. That's just pros, some push ups, everything. Do you say, it doesn't work out? Thought he was on the set. He said he does, yeah. I don't know why I just thought maybe someone with your experience,

because I don't know, give me something. How old is he? Anyway, he's probably not that old. He probably has this perception that you should be in a certain place by a certain age. Well, look, we all want to be firemen. We all want to sit around all day doing nothing, talking about how to cheat on our wives,

and be congratulated all the time by everyone for doing it. We all want to be firemen. It's the, this is nothing new, Paul, every, every single one of us wants to do absolutely nothing all day, show up to buildings, squirt them down and then, and then drive home. We all want to do this. We all want to drive around seeing little firemen stickers on cars and introducing ourselves and walking into clubs without even bothering to stop to pay the cover with just, hey, what's up, firemen? For real.

We all want to be cops that everybody loves. We all want to be firemen. That is so true, man, because I've got firemen in my family. Yeah. And I go, dude, you don't buy a drink. It's insane. Every place knows you. We all want to have a reason to get married and have kids and then never deal with them

again in a socially acceptable way. We all want to be firemen. It's a, it's, if you could be a man and a hot chick at the same time, that's a fireman. It's, it's, it's, if you could be a man and a hot chick at the same time, that's a fireman. They party like mother fuckers, man. And they get so much assets in saying, if you could be gay, and then wake up the next morning and then they go to fucking get free breakfast and free coffee is every restaurant and cafe. Yeah. Three pension spending all day colluding with each other on how to get over time and working three day four day five day Month whatever shifts that they work on while they sit in a hot box and enjoy the gay lifestyle without getting fucked up

The ass that is it's the dream. It's the dream It's since the beginning of time and it's all men have desired to be fireman. Your biggest problem is that it's your turn to cook that night. Oh, forget about it. You have to have high jinx ass slapping high jinx all day, every day, all day, every day is junior high for the fireman. Every once in a while, every once in a while, they get to go out, drive around town in a while they get to go out drive around town in a gigantic semi blaring a siren for no reason the building is burning down they just show up and say well it's burned down you idiots who you shouldn't have lit it on fire

see ya I've got to go make dinner for 20 cool dudes and we're gonna talk about how we're gonna cheat on our wives this weekend it's gonna it's gonna be fantastic it's a It's a dream. And if it sounds like they can get any woman they want. Firemen, but it's just not for you, buddy. We all want to be firemen. We all can't be firemen. That's it. That's all there.

There's gonna have to be a shitload more fires. If you want more, if you really wanna be a fireman, go start lighting everything on fire. Then they'll need all those 120 men to put those fires out or to excuse me to show up and say, well, the building burnt down because it was on fire. Call your insurance company. Go ahead. Well, I mean, the son of bad idea, because if he likes the building on fire and then he's the first one on the scene to try to put it out.

Yeah. And the news, the news the next day is local hero. Oh, this has been done. Hero. Oh, yeah. Hero. No, no, no fireman was ever called a baby killer. Hmm.

Have they been Sean? Oh, he every, every day you're a hero. Not unless someone's baby was on fire and they said call the insurance Stamp it out. Stop it out. Get that baby over here. But don't forget little peanut or Sally or whatever cat dog fucking animal you want to run back in there and save Because the one screaming at you on the street best stories and the best stories at every party. Oh, man

Fireman. Yeah, there was this guy. Yeah. Oh, there was a fat guy who got stuck. Oh, I told that story. Built built-in stories. Your job is nothing but makes makes you a super alpha chat every day. We all want to be firemen, buddy. But you just got to bury it down. You just got to bury it down and resent the fuck out of them until it explodes in a rant on your podcast, that's like normal. Yeah, you see what talk. And if you really, if you really wants to be a fireman, maybe he should move to a different town, because obviously this one's full.

He's probably in a bigger city, he's probably where there's, like he said, there's 1200 applicants. He needs to go to some bump-sector in the middle of nowhere town where he's got less competition. That's actually 100% correct advice. And that's what they do. That's what your, yeah. Set up an alternative fireman house,

the libertarian society. You set up your own fun. You see what talking about your feelings leads to? This poor guy. You see what the, look, if you have a bad feeling, just realize that it's from the devil. The devil is responsible for all negative feelings in your mind because he's trying to turn you into a woman. He doesn't

want you to be a fireman. He likes being on fire. The devil wants all the devil plants Negative thoughts in the minds of men To trick them into becoming women and then women will convince you that you need to share these negative thoughts Well, you don't we all we all want to be firemen. Yeah, that's it Everybody knows just walk around knowing that every man wishes. Yeah, you were a fireman. Yeah, it's from Well, when every man ever that thing, I'm like, oh, well, I could have met a fireman or I could have been a soldier. Yeah, I could have been a cop. I could sit around all day thinking about what to make for dinner.

No problem. Yeah. Okay, I'll do one more. I like these advice things. Brian Corey Hiddick, I'm asking for advice regarding my younger sister and her daughter. Don't date her. Trying to hook up a three way with his younger sister. Don't let her talk to Chris. That guy trips me out. He's really, he is so dedicated. If women want their husbands to be as dedicated to them as Chris the Kiwi. Yeah.

Nice bathing suit. Would you like a massage? Right. Can I interest you in a shoulder robe? Right. I have very cow's hands. Just chop those tits off and bring them over here. I'll massage them all day.

And then a nice... We'll see. As soon as they're comfortable and laying down, that's the moment when it starts taking off toes and fingers. Yeah. A nice, right car. And then a little past is on. A nice rickshaw. It was around a little cigar clipper. A nice kill room right over the toes, toe, toe.

I hope that guy gets something good in his life. But then I also hope that he doesn't because I do think he's kind of bad. Kind of a bad guy. The moment he gets to that any part of good is that that final switch is gonna fall into place and his serial killer spring will begin. Hello, Dick.

I'm asking for advice regarding my younger sister and her daughter. My sister is mid-twenties and has a kid who just turned four. I love my niece. She's family. Oh. Well, okay. Yeah. True.

It's his dad. I love my niece. She's like, she's like my dad. Oh my niece. She's like my dad. She's like my dad. Oh yeah, she's like my dad to me. But there's no father for her in the picture. And there won't be a repeat of my own childhood. I worry for her not only for that reason, but because my sister is growing into an unbearable

cunt. Oh wow. Oh no. Still looking to live the thought lifestyle sarcastic towards her child and pushes the you-go-girl attitude on her. Believes everything she reads on the internet. Dumps her child on our retired mother frequently. So he's worried she's gonna fuck the kid up, which she is. Yeah, so get over it. It's already happened. There's lots of fun to get over it. Yeah. It's obvious even now that my

niece is in desperate need of a father and not a positive male role model. Hmm. Well, you're going to have to fuck your sister then, buddy. Oh, God. Or father. I'm the way. Just kind of wingman your own sister. That's a leader than trying to fuck her. As my mother has been quick to attempt to label me as I'm not that person as I don't believe I have the ability to be a father Even to children of my own The very last thing I want is to slide into or be coerced into that position This is like some Greek tragedy edible shit going on here As I'm trying to get out of this shit hole state massachusetts as soon I can. And she doesn't need any more

abandonment issues. Is there a way to break the fatherless cycle for my niece without becoming a surrogate father myself? Thanks Brian. Abortion, that's the way to it. You know, I never got my answer of is time travel consistent with a pro life stance on abortion. Doug, Doug Stone walled me, pretended to not know what I was talking about, but I need to know if, if back to the future two where Marty goes, goes forward in time, Biff and his Marty's mom have children. They reference them that they're studying in Europe. Oh, I didn't know that.

I forgot that. Yeah. Okay. Presumably, they were quantum whatever copies of his existing brothers and sisters. They didn't get into it. But when Marty goes back in time and changes the timeline again, is that action consistent with a pro-life stance on abortion? How? Yeah. That's all I need to know that. Okay, where were we at with the father figure? Thanks. We're apparently at the part where he's gonna try to get a friend of his to be the father

with his niece or nephew. Oh yeah. Is there a way to break the fatherless cycle for my niece without becoming a surrogate father? Where's her father? Where's her father? I don't know. He's in prison probably. Who knows? He's not there. She probably doesn't even know. She's probably fucked too many people even have an idea of who would be very possible. I think it's it's probably more expedient to absolve yourself of the guilt of having to raise the kid.

Well, it's, look, it's, it's not your responsibility. Like, I mean, I understand you, you can be there as an uncle or somebody that you, you're not her father. Yeah, she's already, like, she's already said on the thought, on the sarcastic contract. It's great that you're worried about, you know, how she grows up and, but it's like, it, you were not the father. She has a father somewhere. I just like to crab, whenever I hear stuff like that,

I just think of the crab things where they pull, the crabs are trying to escape the bucket, but the other crabs, they pull them down. Yeah, yeah. If you want to, here's what I do, if I ever start feeling guilty about anything, just think about how bad everything in the world is and how much other people are suffering

until the suffering that you've caused doesn't feel so bad. And then it's gone. I mean, nihilism and it's finance. There you go. I hate everybody. Tanner, get out of here. I'll see you in Vegas. Thanks for. We'll be buddies. I you go. All right, everybody, Tanner, get out of here. I'll see you in Vegas.

Thanks for. We'll do everybody's in Vegas. See you, Tanner. See you, see you, see you. Okay, everybody. This has been the Dixho. Congratulations to Sean for five years of podcasting. Thank you, thank you.

Yeah. The Dixho, thedixho.com, dick.show, patreon.com slash the Dixho. Oh my God, we're doing, I'm doing the 4,000 go fuck yourself reading on this this week. Oh wow. Yeah, I gotta sit down. I remember the last one They last like four hours man. You I know that's insane. I can't believe you did it. Yeah, and every June There's more this time right there's more this time. I can't wait. It's it's I don't know why but it's very fun Is there's a ton of people in chat. Do you take a break? No. No breaks. I think I'm going to get a teleprompter for this one too. So I can just read the names more easily instead of scrolling through an Excel sheet. And then I can look into the camera for everybody. Jesus. But it's really awesome.

It's been a hell of a five years. Thanks everybody for listening and I can't wait to tell you all to go fuck yourselves with the Dixho. Dixho, Patreon.com. Slash the Dixho. See you next Tuesday. This is... Okay, this is Mortal Cuckbat. I'm listening to that. And you know what? Scott, Reverend Scott sent something in for you. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I'll listen to it. I'll listen to it after the song. Okay. Mortal, Mortal Cookbat, the video game. I bought that for some reason. Yeah.

Yeah, and I loaded it up and there was a woman wearing a job in it right away. I guess that was 60 bucks, well, I suppose. Oh, no. You know, you remember Mortal Kombat, right? Video game, no, no, Mortal Kombat, of course. Mortal Kombat, yeah totally. It is a stupid game.

Yeah, I know. They're always bad. You know, they're known for, they're supposed to appeal to the mind of a 13-year-old boy. Yeah, that game, which is me. Right. Love the movie. And they found a way to do the split Dull Punch and Goro.

That was great. And that was a 13-year-old I stood up. Yeah. As soon as Johnny Cage punched Goro and I began applauding and I didn't stop. You fucking could do it. I will. Oh my god. You fucking could do it. I will. Oh my god. You know, devoid of tits, devoid of any bikinis,

features a woman in a desert, a job that looks more like a GI Joe than a sexy lady. How does she fight? Does she just suicide bomb? Yeah, she gets one attack and you really have to nail it. Yeah, then you win. Right. Yeah, she runs at you, suicide bombs.

Right, right. And then there's one of the main girls, Sonia, Blade, you remember her? Yeah, of course, yeah, that was where Bridget Wilson in the movie I think. Yeah, yeah. Awful. Oh yeah, terrible. She's not a fucking actor. Ronda Rousey. I don't know how you're supposed to

catch this. This is a 13 year old boy. No, it comes down to the sexy femme fatale. Yeah. And you've got Ace Ventura doing a buffalo bill impression. It just it never works, it never works. They always sound completely out of place. Yeah, we're totally allowed to do this.

Well, it made a little more sense to have them dressed, referring to the women wearing battle suits. That is the game that you're making. You have a win. That's why you did it. Kicking a guy in the balls, and ejecting his skull and spine out of the top of his head, and the skull is making a comical, oh shit face.

Yeah, it is. Realism doesn't belong in the palm of some shit. You do about it. Have you seen it? The new one, no. You fucking betrayed us. You fucking betrayed us because you want to be popular. I don't even know why. That's what even know why what the fuck are you talking about like you can kick a guy's spine from his nuts at the top of his head

Right, you can impale a woman's skull through her mouth. Yeah with a giant full open mouth Deep throat surprised look on her face Not one not even a square inch of one Deep throat, surprised look on her face. I can't see anything. Yeah. Not one. Not even a square inch of one. All right, all right. Thanks for that. So long.

Thanks for all the money. Everything's just a fuck you. Everything is a fuck you. Like, Apple is just a fuck you with all their bullshit. Like, people just do it. Oh, sorry. Here's your visas denied. Why? Because it's too late, because we did it too late. Fuck you. That's about it. All right. Are you going to play?

Yeah. You're going to play. I think. Yeah. You know, I finally did see that. And you know what the clapping I finally did see end game. Oh, you did very the adventures. Yeah. I want to is there a statute of limitations on how long you can clap something has to be before it's not heroic anymore? How long something has to be? Well, yeah, it's because it takes five years for them to bring. I have so many questions about that movie and anyone who enjoyed it, like how long can pass before it's no longer heroic anymore? Before it's just like, well, you know, this is kind of the best we could do. I say, five years.

Like, about all the people who moved on. Yeah. And then all the, like, is everyone who got back, it brought back, if they were dating someone, is that person now a pedophile? Like what happens if they were, if you're dating somebody in high school, you're 16, 15 or whatever, you got vaporized,

they come back and they're 20. Are they a pedophile now? What happens to that relationship? Do you know what I'm saying? Wait, what? What happens if you're in endgame, if two 15-year-olds were dating, one of them got vaporized,

then gets brought back after five years. They're five years younger than their person they're dating. They get brought back as they were. So what the fuck? There's so many weird existential questions that they did not answer in that movie. None of the timeline shit made sense. Can you imagine how long it would have been

if they had tackled those sorts of questions? I mean, couldn't they, like did it have to be five years? Could have been a day, I could forgive a day, like okay, a day. No, they didn't even get, they didn't even have time to miss the people. If you're a day, I could forgive a day, like, okay, a day. They didn't even have time to miss the people. If you were a pilot, you got vaporized,

you're playing crashed, right? I guess so. Did all the people who died in the plane crash get brought back? Or they just said? They were unlucky enough not to get vaporized. Not to get vaporized. Not to get vaporized.

So they're dead. Yeah, okay. So if all the people who died in that five years of unnatural causes, like murder and shit, do they get brought back? I don't think so. What if someone who got vaporized would have prevented, like it makes no sense.

What about the planets? It's the universe, right? Yeah. 50% off the top of the universe. Gone. Ostensibly, this is an act of God. This isn't like, it's not a bad guy defying morality to leverage his will against the weak. It is a flat out act of got a random chance.

There's going to be a significant amount of worlds that are better off where genocidal armies are just gone, right? Did they get brought back to? Because if that's the case, the Avengers are just villains. They improved their own circumstances using powers granted to them by God. That is a villain. That's what villains do. I have power over this over this over the world. I'm going to use it to better my life. Fuck other people. That's a villain. I didn't understand. Watch the whole thing. How the what the fuck happened here? Okay. Did you understand it? You saw it, right? Yeah, I saw it.

I don't try to read anything into those movies. I mean, I sit there and I sit there, honestly, because I come up with stuff kind of like that. And I sit there and I look at the pretty pictures. That's how I watch those movies. Because I'm not really into those movies. Yeah, there you go. Like, yeah, well, there you go. Like yeah, you missed the game winning,

a Michael Jordan, you missed the game winning three pointer. Yeah, but I made it five years later. You know, I was out dribbling, made it three pointer. Yeah, that's not the same though. It's not the same. Here you go, Reverend Scott, three year anniversary, or intervention, he says. Oh, I know what I learned.

What did you learn? After about one month, after you started this podcast, remember you called me and you satin up your Patreon. Yeah. What, you know, how many people are going to be into this show? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then fucking immediately exploded.

So I think I know what, what, even though I didn't listen to the old show, I think I know what made it good. I think I know who was the talent. Yeah, Sean. I'm sorry, what? Here he goes. Oh, God. Hey there, Dick and Sean. This is Reverend Scott. Reverend Scott. Who's this guy? Who's this fucking jerk?

Oh, you have one little podcast anniversary, and suddenly you're too big to remember me. This fucking jackass. Listen, Dick, I just want to talk about a few things. Ooh. Uh, oh, eh. How long do you think it'll go? Well, long enough to ask you, what the fuck is this?

Five years of podcasting bullshit you were celebrating last episode. Why don't fucking know? Well you sure as shit seemed to know last week when you're asking everybody you've ever met to call in and celebrate. When we all know that's a bogus anniversary that includes two years of a show you can barely stomach to listen to now. I am the greatest.

I am the greatest. All I'm saying is 52 shows in a year, episode 156, that means this is the real anniversary. This is the three year anniversary show. Really? You know, maybe we should close together. Maybe you should kill yourself. Whoa, what the fuck, Sean? When did I see it?

I'm an LA based comedian. Well, okay, okay, we all expect you to come up with the zingers. But after three years of doing the dick show, there's some things that you say not even dick expect see here. And I'm not just talking about that penguin shit. It makes you feel like you're sucking a penguin cock. Let me tell you about fairy penguins.

This is much more spicy. Sean seems to have a major chip on a shoulder dick. You see, when it comes to zingers, Sean seems to think, things should be a bit more diverse. You know what, it's kind of fucked up because white people are the only people that you're allowed to make fun of.

I think about it, like, that's, why should that be? Why should the rule not apply across the board? It's totally okay to joke about white people. That, you know. Okay. I mean, and the worst part is, the reason he feels like he's being held back

is in the room with him right now. I work with a Mexican guy. That's right, Dick. Sean is racist against Mexicans. Yeah. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What? Is that, is that true? God damn it, Ray. This is guys.

Cripple Jesus almost fighting Digi Bros. girlfriend over LolliCon. This is disturbing. Oh yeah. And I thought the three year anniversary was the perfect time to not only out Sean for being a blatant, very real racism but also allow him time to repent and put aside those thoughts. Wait, this all happened?

Yeah. Like this really happened? Yes, Sean. Maybe I dreamt it. No, Sean, you heard it yourself. It's as real as my massive cock. This is not a front debate. Huge dick.

I guess at the end of the day, I just want everybody to have a good time on the show and enjoy each other for who we really are. What about you, Dick? Me too! So what do you say, Sean? Ah, I don't know. Sean, come on.

It's bullshit. Yeah, it's complete bullshit. What an asshole I look like. There you go. Looks like we did it. We cured racism boys. You're on the three- anniversary of the DIC show. I feel like we're gonna dress throughout that

lot here today. So I better just end it there. So until the next ism we end, go fuck yourselves. Happy anniversary DIC. Aw, thank you. Peace and love guys. Thank you. Thank you Reverend Scott.

Amen. You know what else? What? We got to think about this but thing Sean but stuff. What do you think? Yeah, for sure. All turned on. You just fucking bam bam, bam, back to the bam. Man, I really want that fucking cake. Reverend Scott. Thank you. He is a Reverend. he is a Reverend. He is a Reverend.

Okay. Here's Facebook news from our dynamite news team. Yeah. Hayes and cruising. Alan from Not for Human Conception. All right. Hello, Dick and hello, Dick heads. This is the Facebook group news from the last couple of days.

Shortly after becoming a new moderator for the group, Grant Romall passes a new list of edicts. The new rules include no more males engaged in bitch drama, no unattractive women or traps, and no acting like Steven Universe Tumblr fans. Justin Brodick adds his own new rule. No Rommels with unfunny jokes. Steven Bailey has banned Chris the Kiwi and Stove from the Facebook group, yielding mixed reactions from the community. Ravi Stewart says Steven is doing the Lord's work while one of Compo thinks Steven is trash. Cameron McLean asks, now who's going to cut everyone's tits off?

Though it is rumored that Chris the Kiwi can be at least found in one of the other TDS Facebook groups. Oh, Robert Hancock asked, how long after seriously dating someone before you delete your tender responses ranged from immediately all the way to death? Ian Fady says, delete it when she turns into a cunt and starts demanding to see your phone all the time. Tanner Gregory found it interesting to see how many people in this thread had blocked him, calling them all babies.

Yeah, when do you, when do you delete your, your tender? No, I'm never out of tender. I don't obviously, I don't ever delete it, but when do you say that you deleted it? Oh, that's the question. Okay. I don't know. You, you probably have an answer when she asks. Oh, that's, that's when you deleted it.

So it's completely fluid. I mean, it's just whenever it's like a Schrodinger's box of tender. Yeah, it didn't, it didn't get deleted until she asked you. You deleted your Tinder, right? Yes. Of course. When do you think I deleted it? That's when I deleted it.

That's when it ceases to be. Yeah. I mean, and if you don't use it, that's basically deleted. Like, if you're not using, not using the app, yeah, then, you know, what's the difference between having it on your phone and then having to download it? Like, just extra steps. Still there.

It's still out there. Right. Yeah. Don't think about it so much as my dad would say. Yeah. Calling them all babies. Moon McMaster's claims that he has had six thousands of times with zero pregnancies as the result.

His strategy is simple. Tactics include pulling out condoms, birth control, and cycle planning. Lay clearly in the comments, states that his approach is simply to face and butt fuck all of his women. Big masters go on to say that even if it all fails, he's prepared for the girl to get pregnant because it's one of the outcomes of having sex. Yeah. This has been the Facebook group news for the last couple of days. All right, great.

All right. Fuck, it's late already. I didn't mean to go so late today. Let's do a couple of voicemails. Cool. And we got this present too. Oh, okay. Good job reading the news, guys.

Yes, great job. Thank you. Hey, Dex. So I was just at a place getting lunch lunch and there's a really cute girl there. She's kind of the tea, which is how I like them. And I go up and I'm like, hey, I like your shoes. If the shoes line worked and I want to run, we're starting talking back and forth. And then she fucking mentions her boyfriend.

I'm like, no! Oh! Oh! Damn it! This is what we're like, usually for the day, and like the shoes I work perfectly, and then it's like, oh yeah, I've got a boyfriend, you can fuck off. Oh my God, damn it.

Fuck! So gross. I feel like, you got like the fucking commercial thing. Oh, you gotta be commercial think i'll be quicker uh... you have a quick look at another cute compliment her shoes uh...

as it you never have how hard is it to find another cute petite girl who your lines work on in the wild depends was attracted to you that's very rare yeah but how does he know she was attracted to him she's talking to him of a girl's talk. She's cracking you. Yeah, they don't, yeah, they don't, uh, they don't stand around and talk for no, really. Yeah. No. Um, and then you get so angry because you gave them this, like, I, bitch, I didn't get anything out of this. There's got to be a line where it can also be a,

do you have a boyfriend line? Oh, or like a like a ring. Did your boyfriend buy you those shoes? I like your shoes, did your boyfriend buy you those? Hey, Decaixon. Oh, fuck. That hurts. You want to make me rage, man. Being color blind and having these dumb motherfuckers do the same book and takes you line on you every single time, which is going like,

oh, hey, you're colorblind. Wow, what do you call it? What color is that? It's only a make of tactic for women because it, you know, you know, it's like, oh, what color is like my shirt? And now I point to their tits and shit. That's great. So we should all be colorblind.

The virgins should be saying, okay, do the game, all the virgins do the game, the war, the ask your mom, wife or girlfriend, when these wars happen, the American revolution, the Civil War, World War One, World War Two, and Vietnam. And next week I'm going to do, do these lies. Lie and say your colorblind, lie and say you're a fire like here's a list of lies that you have to do to talk to women. Okay, sorry, here we go with color blind guy. And sometimes you get like some big points or whatever, but it gets really fucking annoying because after a while they're going to have the same two questions. They're going to

give you like 20 fucking questions. Hey, what color is this? What color is that? And if you don't play your cards right, you know, they'll just like fucking just end up like making you the the residential freak or whatever. And then they always ask the same fucking questions about the fucking street lights and shit and it It's always the same answer, you know, it's like, oh, how can I tell if there's a green line? You can still see the lights like a green line you know what order they're in the grid somehow fucking color blindness works you fucking illiterate yeah an educated fuck like it's just it's sometimes it's hard to really tell a difference the green light looks what you white to me and sometimes the yellow is

a little bit fucking with the red but it's just a position you know a position of the fucking light so as long as I see the position that I know what which and and then I see these stupid and I always get like these like suggestions of well what was really classes you know makes you see color and shit

and I see these really fake hand up videos where like wow they see color for a person and they're trying I wow, they see color for the first time. They're crying. I never would've wanted these glasses. Anybody who wears these fucking glasses, just should fucking kill themselves already. Holy shit. Yeah. Okay, colorblindness is not this severe thing

that you're gonna like fucking stop. I love it. You probably won't be able to like serve on the frontline infantry and certain jobs. Oh, Well, how unfortunate. Yeah, I can't go fight on the frontline of war. Right. Can't be a fighter pilot. Fuck me. Quote here your color blindness is just like, oh, okay. Now I can see the difference between like dark brown and black and dark green. Oh, Okay. Oh, I'm heck my shit is extra hungover today. What the fuck are you? My life's all that different, you know, what do you do? You know, it's nothing weird. It's like a flyover

And That's how it is being a colorblind guy. I wouldn't want to fix it because Not that annoying and life is just pretty simple. I might have a little difficulty in matching colors when like, you know, getting clothes and shit, but that doesn't fucking matter. Anyway, you and every other guy. Yeah, right. I love only on this show,

would you have a color blind guy call in and shit on those videos where people see color for the first time and over react. Oh, you kill yourself. You show special. It's not that cool. Yeah. Oh, I get it. Oh, it's colors.

Uh, your browns and your blacks are easier to tell a part. Fuck you. Thank you for calling in, buddy. I would have asked that stuff that he was complaining about. You mean just a fuck with him? No, just because I want to know that. What color is this? What color is this?

Yeah, what color is this? Yeah, what color is this? What color is this? What color is this? What color is that? Like, can you tell the difference between black people and like really, and like really tan people? I mean, I would see, I think they would see in like,

grayscale, right? I mean, I don't, no, I don't think so. I don't know how it works. I mean, I think they, I think they can definitely tell tones. I think they just see outlines and then there's numbers. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Hey, Dick. Just calling to say it's something that's making me a pretty fucking rage right now. All right. So living in Oklahoma and this is Saturday night, I say it's something that's making me a pretty fucking rage right now. So living in Oklahoma, and this is Saturday night, fucking tornadoes touching down in detail that I live in and fucking proceeding to rip all the way through cellar to down, fucking my power's down and power's not everywhere. It's going to be forever to get a pack on because of that everywhere

Fucking touch down on the on the ground on the fucking hospital where my mom was at work at the time Yeah, she's a bunch of bullshit. There have been tornadoes here in Oklahoma Every day this week. She's so far every fucking day and the flooding is fucking outrageous. Water fucking everywhere and I'm sick of this shit. Yeah, man, they get it. There's flat states, man, down there, they get it bad. Yeah, kind of jealous, though. I do want to be in a tornado.

You want to be on a tour. This one. Yeah. Well, just to jealous, though. I do want to be in a tornado. You want to be on a tourist one. Yeah, well, just to say you've been in it. Yeah, everybody comes to California and they, they think earthquakes, they're like excited for their first earthquake. But if not a lot of them don't like it at all. Yeah, but it's not, it's not fair. You could have a disaster swap. Um, fair. You can have a disaster swap. Um, I mean, it'll be your organ. It'll be your organ.

It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ.

It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ.

It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It'll be your organ. It was awkward and shit wasn't it? I asked my wife about the war thing and she did not want to answer. She eventually was after much pressure. She was, well, I had to guess, I'd say, World War I was the 50s. And I just, you know, I talked about, okay, yeah, I talked about, well, she said it in a way, but she said the way, she knows she's gone. And thinking of myself, I think it's not a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, she's not where she knows she's gone. And thinking of myself, I think, I'm not raising her. But she's not raising her.

But hey, God. But she still had a reason for that answer. Yeah, no, no. They're remembering something. If I had a guess, 1950, why? You could talk to them forever about, there's nothing chicks like more than being condescended to, I found. Wouldn't it be so, Wouldn't it be much more disturbing for issue-wise, it's like, yeah, in baby exact answer.

Civil war was in the 1960s. War I was the late 1910s to 20s, I mean, 1914 to 1918. Yeah. If she said that, I wasn't freaked out a little bit Right, it's like all these guys are what they're willing to be in a wet-air interview like she's kind of like a painter like you like you The hell's a matter of you know like a Normie wife that is gonna take care of the kids and have a job and not worry about stupid bullshit I can still look a fucking day, so no one no one can just shit about it anyway. Yeah, I mean, like, everyone's like, well, this is a part of people's shouldn't vote.

They probably do, this is my women's shouldn't vote. Well, yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I want my woman to be a propping from certain areas. She's our target on geophilic pool. That's what I would do with my, remember my time drunk show? Yeah.

If I had the episode two is me going back in time to put on the Constit- to put on the deck the Constitution women aren't voting and then I'm gonna I'm gonna put on there twice Once on the front and once on the back so if they erase it say oh no it doesn't say it on there haha bitch stumped and the proxy words these people fight to maintain their their Hegemony over over a fiscal universe that is increasingly shrinking in a scope as far as people that are involved that's that's

the end we can't I don't want to hear that I want to hear a talk about I want to hear her talk about my 600 pound life and how many swaps she did yeah yeah there is some guys were saying that some guys were defending the women's ridiculous answers about the war thing by saying that the listeners wouldn't be able to name those years either. But I think that's not true. But I also don't really care if I don't really care that the women get the answers wrong. it's just amusing to me because it's something, it's amusing to me that they're not obsessed with it, I guess. I don't know why, like I know they've got something in there that to replace that knowledge,

but it is amusing. I can't explain why it's so funny to me. It's funny to me that they can be so far off, a hundred years years off and not have the order right. And yet have such detailed memories about other things, about the social aspects of life. But when did the Civil War happen? I don't know, 1930s, 30 BC, what do you mean? I don't think it's really, I don't think it really matters.

Okay, these are gifts from Alex. I meant to open them last week. She sent a card, but I don't think it really matters. Okay, these are gifts from Alex. I meant to open them last week. She sent a card, but I don't think she wants to read. This says Warsaw Poland May 6th, 2018. It looks like. It looks like. This is, so maybe that's the next game. Ask your mom, wife, or girlfriend what year it is currently.

So you just got these? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Thank you, Alex. Did you read yours? Did you read your card? I did, I just read it. Did you say you just got these? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Thank you, Alex. Did you read yours? Did you read your card? I did. I just read it. Say not to read it. No. Do you want to read it on the air? Yeah, sure. So, dear Sean, this gift is probably not very appropriate, but hopefully it's funny. I'll try to come up with something better next time. Love the

show. You and Decker awesome together. Lots of love. Alex. Would she send you? Thank you, Alex. I don't know. I'm gonna open it up. Oh fuck. All right, I'm not gonna read, she asked me not to read her card, so I won't. But she sent a, all right, Polish, Polin Spoon. Oh baby, Poland. Make sure that she didn't say not to read her card. No, I know three things about Poland. And only one of them is Hitler related.

Oh. What are the other two? That they have huge cans in Poland, Sean. I think it's a great country to visit. Yeah, yeah. All right. What is it? She sent me socks. Why?

Because remember they all got fucking stolen by the TSA or something? That's fucking awesome. This is actually a practical gift. It's your favorite. Oh God, underwear. Ha ha ha. You know what's on.

What size did she send you? Somebody sent me a shinella shintel sent me a Chanel or shintel sent me a case of Irish. Thank you Alex. I will spring. These will be totally useful. I'm getting winded just opening this present. Holy shit Alex.

I want to make sure they couldn't fucking steal them. Hey. Awesome. Thank you. I'm going to start smashing it in this. They are US large, probably perfectly. Let me see those underpants. There.

Oh, wow. Oh, very nice, shiny. Yep. And Nancy led. Hey, hey. Good for me. Good for me. Oh, oh, oh. Good for me. Good for me.

Oh! Amazing. This is a Warsaw. Wonderful. What's the first, what's the first spoon? The first one is from Poland. Poland and then Warsaw specifically. Yeah, this one's from Warsaw. Warsaw specifically. Very wonderful. Thank you. Thank you. Cool. There we go. I need a spoon rack. All right, everybody. You do. You're gonna have to start displaying wonderful. Thank you. Thank you. Cool. And there we go. I need a spoon rack. All right, everybody, you're gonna have to start displaying those. I know. Well, I've been meaning to, but the spoon racks

that they sell are outrageously expensive. Are they really? Yeah. And they're small. I have more spoons than could fit in a spoon rack. So I got to figure out some way to have like a fold out or something. I don't know. All right, everybody. Dictus Show slash Vegas. And in a couple of days, I'll be doing the four hour go fuck yourself, the telling everybody to go fuck yourself. I'll see you next Tuesday. See you.