The Dick Show - Episode 16 – Dick on School

Episode Date: September 20, 2016

Download the MP3 Sean’s rates, the moment that changed my life forever, Pepe the frog, smelled-a-fart racism, peeing with your pants around your ankles, listening to your dick, AA is a suicide cult, “I’m safe”, how many downloads, Hot Goss and why I am the Joan Rivers of podcasting, things Sean has lost, a wrong … Continue reading "Episode 16 – Dick on School" The post Episode 16 – Dick on School appeared first on The Dick Show.

Is that thing? Hey! Hey! Dick! Dick! Dick! Dick! Dick!

Dick! Dick! Dick! Ready? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Welcome to Dick! You want Dick, you need Dick, you love Dick. You got it, it's the podcast where everything is a contest. It's the podcast that pays our audio engineers more Sean than any other podcast that they work for. Still, how many weeks is that now that this is true that I believe it to be true?

No one can confirm officially if Sean, the audio engineer, how are you doing? I'm good, how are you? Good, what's up buddy? Welcome back to the show. And try not to, try not to, you're pulling a real Hillary Clinton on us. I am.

Sean is coughing up a storm before the podcast. And each one, he crams the microphone into his throat. Like Debbie does that like a deep throat, operative, he's cramming it all the way down his throat so I Debbie does that, like a deep throat operative. He's cramming it all the way down his throat so I can hear all the Flemmy goodness and it's really disgusting me. Pretty soon he's gonna be seizing a large black man

with a diazopam needle is gonna come in and escort him into a van and then he's gonna get on Twitter and start talking about a cartoon frog being racist. Is that what you're gonna start doing, Sean? Wait, I feel like I missed something on the news. I'll explain it to you later. I feel like I missed something on the news. This is why the cartoon frog, you know what?

You're honesty. Let me tell you something serious. Your honesty about things that you don't get makes you different than 99% of the planet. Because nobody else, everybody else in the world, if you say, hey, did you see the zigsabs, they were playing a game against the Buffalo Bills, and they wanna be like, oh yeah, yeah, I remember that.

Hey, did you hear about the moon crashing into the earth? They'll go, oh yeah, I heard that. That sounds familiar. And you say, no, you didn't. Did you hear it or not? You didn't hear about it at all. You're just saying yes. Like what?

Work with me here. I'm how, what's the point of me talking to you about something if you're just gonna say yes. No matter what, you never do. And you never do. You never do. We could be sitting, we could be doing anything. I could be telling you an hour long story

and halfway in the middle, I'll fuck up one thing like I dropped 750 on this cab right and you go, wait a minute, I don't think it was, I think it was 735. I'm like, God damn it, you're paying attention to everything I say. Everything I say, that's what makes you such a great audio engineer. And that's why this show pays you the big bucks. That's why I was all like, I just, of course, I circled back. I'm sure I should have seen that fucking comment. Why do I never see that coming?

That's why this show pays Shawnee Audio Engineer more than any other show. I can't confirm that for sure, but I think that is the case in my bones. I mean, how many you work for a what? Seven, eight, other podcasts, you work for nine, you work for a lot of podcasts around town. Yeah. Yeah. And we pay you more.

I pay you more. We really, it's the patronies that are, because it was a, it was a goal. Thank you, patronies. It was, well, thank me because I put it up as a goal, don't thank me. That's true. That's true. I'm, I'm the priest. Did you, did you actually want the credit?

Yeah. Give Sean a raise. If you go to patreon.com slash the dick show, you can see what I'm the priest. Did you actually want the credit? I want the credit. Yeah, give Sean a raise. If you go to patreon.com slash the Dixho, you can see what I'm talking about. But one of the goals if people subscribed, if people pledged enough money, like a pledge drive, a pledge drive that you want to be a part of, they're not, they're never curin' aids. It's too much money. They're never curing cans.

They're never curing breast cancer scheme. Pledge to a cause that matters, a show that stands for something, the Dictionale, I put up there, give Sean a raise, let's turn Sativa Sean into OxyContin Sean. So let's give him a raise, and I follow, boy did I follow through making this the podcast. You did more than all others that pays Sean

more than any other podcast. Well, yeah, thank you and thank the Patreon is because, yes, I did more than all others that pays Sean more than any other podcast. Well, I guess thank you and thank the Patreon is because yes, I did get a raise. I'm not, I do make more money than I used to on this podcast. Look, look, I'm not proud of that. I don't want to be able, I like saying this show pays you more than any other podcast. Yeah, I don't, I'm, I'm not proud of it though. Okay. I want you to be making this much on all other podcasts

that you happen to be doing. I don't, and I don't see why not. I mean, if you can't pay an audio engineer as much as he's making on other podcasts, then what are you even doing? What are you doing? It's like you've got a tree house and you're calling it a real gentleman's club

but you've got a tree house if you can't pay a real gentleman's club, but you got a tree house if you can't pay your audio engineer what he's worth. That's my opinion. That's just my opinion. So if you happen to go on any other podcast that you work on, I mean, I would just, why aren't, why aren't, why are I making as much money as the dick show? Well, I'm doing the tax returns. That's funny.

Sean, release your tax returns. I want your health, your medical records and your tax returns. Oh, bronto. You guys may all die of laughter if I release your tax returns. I want your health, your medical records, and your tax returns. Brontel. You guys may all die of laughter if I release my tax returns. See, I'm known for leaving stuff in studios. If there's like, there's, at this place that I've been working at recently, there's four different rooms. Yeah.

And I'm notorious for like leaving my wallet in one room. And then like, oh, where's my wallet in my keys? And it's like, oh, it's over in C. And like it's always like, oh, no, I saw it in C. And it's like, oh, yeah, lucky I didn't steal this. I'm like, fucking jokes on you ass. Hold on, I'm an idiot. There's over in C. And like, it's always like, oh, no, I saw it in C. And it's like, oh, yeah, lucky I didn't steal this. I'm like, fucking jokes on you, asshole. I'm an idiot. There's nothing in there. Yeah. If you steal Sean's wallet, you're going to get arrested by the D.A. You're the burn with a wallet that is worthless. A bunch of drug dealers

are going to be after you thinking that you're Sean or a bunch of sexy ladies. Look at, you know how many people are asking for a Patreon goal, where you do an episode shirtless? Three. It's a Disco, at least double three. At least double three. It's at least double three. It's disgusting. You losing things, dude.

Yeah. It's getting worse. It's getting worse. No, no, no, no. It was bad when we were kids. You lost something one time that haunts me. I would say at least once a week. I'll think about this thing that you lost,

and it will make me hurt in my stomach. What the hell did I lose? I don't even wanna bring it up because I live this, I have lived this nightmare of knowing like you lost the misery. I'll get a shot of the misery. Oh look buddy, I've lived this every week. I don't remember, I feel it in the pit of my stomach

when I'm going about my day. I'll like, I'll look at one specific thing will remind me of this thing that Sean lost 10 years ago when we lived together in a house up in Valencia. And I will feel like the violin start playing and I'll get tunnel vision on this thing and my vision will go sepia and I will start like the thing will glow and then it will evaporate because that feeling of just having left something expensive behind is such an ugly and horrible feeling. There's nothing else like it.

Do you remember you lost your tag watch at the gym? Oh my God, yeah. That's the fucking worst. That was a gift. It was a great fucking watch too. You know, the beautiful, the warrior stuff is the coolest shit. It's like, and you're such a tag guy.

I totally am. I'm an Omega guy. My life coach is a Rolex guy. Okay, well, that's, yeah, Rolex is a great, yeah, Omega is a great, and he is a Rolex guy. Tag, I could never pull off a tag, uh, Hoyer. Is that how you say it, tag where?

But you, perfect. You got that otter body. You got this sleek otter body. You're a sleek man built for performance. You, that tag looked like magic on your arm. I don't like shiny shit. I'm very basic. So I love the brushed finish.

It was brushed. Yeah. And it was beautiful. And that's, I associated that watch for you ever so I love the brushed. And it was brushed, and it was beautiful. And I associated that watch for you ever since I've known you. The day that you lost it hit me so hard that I still every time I put my watch on, I look at my watch like a child. And I'm like, my precious baby, I was guilt.

Yeah, yeah, it really is. I'm like, I would never lose you. Like Sean lost his watch, but then I'm afraid of it too, because I wake up every time I wake up after a bender, I'm scouring my apartment for my, like who knows where the watch could be. Maybe I got pissed off at money, maybe some Bernie Sanders supporter with me into an anti-capitalist frenzy,

and I took my watch off and said, ah, fuck you. Oh, my God, I don't need any money ever again, but I'm afraid of this, right? Like, that's the snap. This could happen. You're always afraid if you're an alcoholism. What do we, when you're a liquor head, when you're a liquor head and you do too much liquor,

you're always afraid that you're gonna black out and you're gonna switch immediately into this negative you, like a bizzaro you that hates money and is like, you wake up and you say, like, what did I do? And someone's like, oh, well, you kissed a bunch of men. And I'm like, ah, you kissed a bunch of men and you burned, you gouged your car all up and you threw all your money away. That's what a liquor head is terrified of the next day when they wake up, even though

it never happens. Like, you just become, and all seriousness, I do know people who have like given away watches at bars and things like that. Just from being, yeah, you know, you just get, you're the world's friend when you, and none of this means anything, man, this isn't the big, this, you gotta look at the big picture,

man, like this, it's just stuff. You take it off and you give it to the guy at the other end of the bar. Yeah, it's been, and then you go, what in the fucking hell did I do? Why did I give my stuff away? Because that's all they say. Not what happened to my tag.

It's stuff. That's not what happened to it. It's not what happened to my tag, by the way. No, what happened to it? I did not give it away. No, I got busted. There was probably an inside job. People snapped the locks off a bunch of lockers on the inside of the truck.

What? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. I thought you just left it on a treadmill. I've done that a couple times, but I got it back. Oh, shawty. Buddy, you got a technology, technology's got to fix this. I don't know why I just didn't fucking leave this in the car. I don't even know why it was even in the gym for any reason.

Like, you had to wear your tag to the gym. In case I'm driving to the gym, and I need to know what time it is, but I'm not looking ahead at the LED in my car. I'm making a left turn, and I need to see immediately what time it is, but I'm not looking ahead at the LED in my car. I'm making a left turn and I need to see immediately what time it is, I gotta wear my watch to the gym. Well, yeah, sure, it'll always sound stupid if you put it like that. Yeah, that was a brutal loss.

Now, number two, that you've lost is, drama equipment in the Vipar Room. Oh. You've left a couple of drum stands in the Vipar Room and those things aren't cheap. No, they're not. But, you know what I like about that one? What's that?

You cluttered up the stage at the Viper Room. So all the apps, that's not a large stage. No, and it's a lot of crappy acts play there. So all the acts that came in after us, when we played there, are playing with that much less space. That's a thing. They never clean it out. Well, they have a lot of these drum kids stand over there.

Well, they have, it's one of those, it's a, I don't know if for people who aren't musicians, they have what they call a back line, which is like you don't bring your own shit. Like they have a house drum kit, they have house amplifiers, things like that, because they don't want people pulling their own shit up, they're breaking it down,

they want to run shit on time, because you know, you got to cram a fuck load of terrible acts into one night. So, you know, why, why, why, why, why only see three when you can see six. And they can all bring two friends, a band of 10 people can bring two friends, their mom and the base players girlfriend, yeah, can to see the show and then they can get raped for dreams. But what you can do, something like that, like if you're playing drums, a lot of, a lot of drummers like to bring like their own snare drum and maybe a couple of their own symbols,

because they sound the way they want them to sound. Yeah. Somehow I managed to bring like three things and probably leave like two of them behind. You get, you get a problem. I do. You need like some, like, what, ginkgo below, but? Well, no, you know what, I'll tell you, I've always been, my mother calls it, you're a bad looker. You're a bad looker. Like, I won't move things in the fridge to say, it's like, nope, not in here, not in here.

I will still, to this day, it's getting worse, to I will be looking right at something, and I'm like, nope, can't find it. It's like, oh, you mean this? Well, if it were a snake, it would have bitcha. Maybe you need, maybe you need a wife. So you need a male order bride. So you need like,

organized things for you. Yeah, you need like a big fat Mexican lady who will just go around, you're having your stuff and making sure you have all of your stuff. No, she'll steal it. Oh, stop, that's so rich, a horribly racist thing. Yep, okay, speaking of racism, this is, let me tell you what happened with Pepe the Frog. This is, we're in a national crisis. We're in a time of the CW or the WB or the, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no. That's what I think. We're talking about politics now. So we're in a time of national crisis. This is what an election is in America. Every four years, everybody lines up, learns, learns basically nothing about politics, but tries. Really tries to soak it in about the direction we've been going in this country. They read headlines. They read, that's enough. You know what? You read a headline?

What are you gonna do? You're gonna read a bunch of dumb stats in there. Like you show anybody anything and they're gonna put their own personal spin on it, no matter what. So everybody's lined up having a national crisis. Who are we gonna be? Who's gonna lead this country, right? You got everybody engaged in this tug of war

in 360 different directions, and we're all gaming a gigantic rocket. We're all everybody in America is pulling, trying to aim this rocket that we're gonna check in on again in four years because nobody fucking cares. But where do you aim it with? Three hundred and fifteen million people putting their hands on the steering wheel.

Well, I'll tell you where it does go fucking anywhere. We're not going to aim it at Pepe the cartoon frog. All right. Do you know who Pepe the cartoon frog is? No. Apparently, Hillary Clinton says he is representative of the alt-right white nationalist neo-Nazi party in America. Is he on a network?

Is he on the fuck is he? He's on the internet. He's on the internet. Oh yeah, that's why I don't know internet. That's why I have no idea who this is. So what we have here is the Pope attacking Trump, the Pope apologizes six months ago. Now we've got Hillary Clinton fresh off her mummy routine. I think it's still getting loaded into the back of the van

and she's seizing like weekend at Bernays with her feet are doing the hangman's dance, right? She's attacking a cartoon frog. It is the quintessence of overplaying your hand when you're attacking a cartoon green frog on the internet as being racist. Now what does he do? What does he say?

Pepe? Yeah, what does he do? He can say what? Well, he pees with his pants around his ankles. That's why he's famous. He's on the internet. Was this like an animated gif? Dude, it's like a...

So one weirdo from San Fran, one artist, made this like it's all of his comics are like a bunch of grown men with animal heads or pineapple heads with their butts hanging out wearing shorts shorts with the ass is hanging out doing like weird shit is he's a weirdo he made a comic of this frog peeing with his pants around his ankles and then somebody challenges him by saying I saw you pe peeing with your pants around your ankles. What's going on with that? And Pepe, the frog goes, feels good, man.

He's, Pepe, the frog is proud of himself for peeing with his, Pepe, the frog does not, he does not get bullied into peeing with his pants pulled all the way up. Like he's, he's free. He wants to enjoy, like he has a child like wonder. Of the world. He's got the air flowing around his buttocks, around his frog buttocks. He believes in himself.

He doesn't have to explain himself to another weirdo. Based on a progo ahead. Based on this information, I don't see how this could be construed as in any way political. Dude, because, well, it's his attitude, that fuck you attitude, yeah, fuck you, I pee with my pants around my ankles.

So that's what the alt right is up. That's what 4chan loves. Like they love that attitude of doing something weird and then saying like, fuck you. So of course the memory because this election is 100% dominated by memes. Like the memory, the memory in America and politics has gone from a minuscule amount back in the day like I like Ike and Tippa Canoe and Tyler. Now the memory is complete saturation. Yeah. There will never be another election where anybody talks about policy at all. It'll just be memory. The meme, it'll be an election of memory and it'll be a beautiful future

of psychotic memes, bursting at the seams, million dollar memes pouring into our veins directly from the political machine. That's Pepe the cartoon frog that Hillary Clinton said is a violent racist white nationalist image that Trump is attaching himself to. The quintessence of playing, of overplaying, are you leaving anything out of this? Yeah, I feel like this is some kind of long con. Well, he does have a swasticon as well. You know what, oh, of course he does.

He's controlled by the internet. Well, look, but you know the expression sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, right? I mean, is this a case of that? Where it's like, no, it's just a funny, stupid thing. Yeah. And they're reading everything into it. They're reading it.

Is that true in this case? Oh, absolutely. Because you got, you got a bunch of people who like this, okay, this is the problem. I got it. Because this is what racism is today. Uh-huh. In our society, racism is like accusing someone of farting. Where you go, that guy, that guy over there, he farted. Pretty fucking easy to do. I got no evidence that he farted, but you're all smelling a fart, right? And that's exactly what I was saying before about no one will admit that they don't know something.

Or if you tell somebody that it smells like a fart, they will say, hey, I think maybe it does smell like a fart. I don't know. I can't prove it. I hate that shit too, because you can't put the shit back in that horse, as they say. It's a good saying. Yeah. It's like, you know, it's a, it's a cooler version of can't unring that bell. Yeah, but you can't unsmell a fart in this case.

And a fart is even stay with you too. I mean, you'll be weak later. So you'll get a little nausea in the pit of your stomach just kind of recalling. Even if there is no fart, even saying to you, that there is a fart that exists, makes you think you smell the fart, because maybe you're behind, maybe the critical time of the smelling of the fart has passed, and you missed it, but what are you gonna call this guy a liar?

Who lies about smelling a fart? That's right, that's racism. Yeah, right, that guy farted, like, well, I didn't smell a fart, but why would this guy lie about a fart? And then it's on you, if you're the racist, you got to prove that you didn't fart. Oh, I know.

How do you do that? You look like a complete asshole and check my underpants, is there any fart residue? Like GSW in there that you can, go ahead. It's the easiest thing to do. You know, I'm a pretty big sports fan and I keep up on a lot of sports radio and stuff like that.

I find it, I find sports really cool because it's, it's one of the more or most meritocratic things we have in society. Like I don't care who's kids you are. If you can't hit the fucking curveball, you're not in the major leagues. You're gone. And you're not a pitcher. You're a position player who can't hit a curveball. Sorry.

I don't care if you're the skipper's kid. I mean, you know what? So Ryan Braun, player for the Brewers, he's a special kind of fucking asshole. This guy, he's a special kind of fucking asshole in the vein of the fucking asshole that Lance Armstrong was. He tested positive for PEDs who Ryan Braun, Ryan Braun, of course, the year he won the MVP. Sure. He's a fucking cheater, like a million of them have been like everybody.

Yeah. It's you get because there's baseball's involved in it. There is. Would you not sheen their crack and kidding me? And a guy like, but I know I don't want to want to get off on this, but Bud C like the commissioner at the time, they had a, they had a strike or a lockout short and season baseball. It was in the gutter as far as attendance.

It was like a baseball, fuck baseball. It's a millionaire. When was it? Billionaires was in the gutter as far as attendance. It was like a baseball, fuck baseball. It's a millionaire first of a billionaires. It was in the 90s. And like before Mark McGuire and Sammy Shows, there was a real baseball. Yeah, but they had in the same thing. He knew exactly fucking what was going on.

I mean, if you were not juicing, it was the exception. Yeah. These guys who were in the decline of their career start looking like cartoon characters. Their head grows three sizes. They don't have it. They don't have it.

They don't have it. They don't have it. All of a sudden, like a human anymore. No, that's, yeah, give me a break. Anyway, Ryan Braun accuses the FedEx driver, I think, who is delivering the sample or picking up the sample. Of racism? Of anti-semitism.

That's where he went. And that's a special kind of fucking asshole. Because guess what? He came out and fucking made a call. And said he's guilty at the whole time. Yeah, when he had guys still this. Anti-Semony. He couldn't fucking fight it anymore.

So he tries to ruin lives just like Lance Armstrong did and that is fucking bullshit. Because calling someone a racist or a bigot is the easiest thing to do. Just like saying that guy farted. That's right. I know, I know, I know. You got any proof? How can you prove a fart? What do you want me to do? Bottle up the fart?

You want me to bottle up with this racism? So you can, he's obviously racist. And that's what the entire media, and that's where our entire fucking culture, at least a big part of it has turned into. A generation of society of liars and employers, and people who are either are either are pretending to be stupid, like not saying, oh yeah, it's a baseball, it's

literally a game, it's a game where millions of dollars are at stake. Of course they're all gonna juice. Yeah, I fucking idiots. Of course they're gonna juice. I get why they do it. But it's like, yeah, if it's against the rules and you get busted doing it, and you go straight to that guy as an anti-Semite.

Oh, that's such bullshit. Fuck you, man. There should be severe penalties for something like that because crying the racist card. You're ruining somebody's life, potentially. Dude, you're ruining, I think you're destroying the fabric of society when you go out willy-nilly and say that every cop interaction is just racist, racist, rate, like going down the line saying, racist, racist, you're literally destroying, degrading, the fucking glue

and fabric of society that keeps it together. It's so fucking frustrating and to see it applied to a cartoon frog. It's like, well, there you go. It could, could you have diluted this term any worse? We reached that level of absurdity, apparently. Yeah. It's fucking ridiculous. It was in 94th, you're the exposable one, the World Series. By the way, I got Alex from Toronto.

This show is making a major leap forward with Alex from Toronto, who is screening calls. Alex, for us live calls, Alex, are you able to say hello right now? I can say so many more things than hello. Okay, so I want to test out this system. I see that you've got a beautiful woman, a hot chick alert queued up on the system. What does she want?

Let her through. Let's hear what she has to say. Doesn't even say what she wants to talk about. Let's let her throw. All right, here she comes. Here's little mix from Tucson. Little mix. How you doing? You're on dick. Well, hello, sweet sea. How are you? I'm doing great. How are you? Fantastic. Now that I have you, I'm going to feel pretty lucky today.

I know. I wasn't kidding with the hot chocolate. What is how hot are you, Little Mix? Well, I don't know. Maybe after this cat, you know, I might send you some pics. I know you like those. Send them, if you send them though, I have to put them on the Patreon.

You're aware of that, right? Well, you'll fuck that up. I know. So what do you want to ask about Little Mix? Well, actually, I was, normally I wouldn't call in. I just love listening to you guys but i got a tweet from one of my twitter bays saying that man out has uh...

half a million viewers and that's more than you guys and he's about to drink himself to death because of these news and i'm not gonna let that happen to a twitter bay what you're gonna ask you're asking how many listeners how many downloads we have right is that right yes i think i Yes, I need to clarify for him. Well, you know, I got some hotgoss. Do you want me to get into the hotgoss right now, Sean? Because I got a lot of stuff I want to talk about. I want to talk about going back to school.

It's back to school time. And I have a lot of problems with school. And I brought in lots of estates to talk about about it. But I also got some great hot cuss. I want to talk about Bill Burr a little bit too, but I suppose I could get right into the hot cuss. Little mixed thanks for calling. I'll get right into that. So this is what happened this week, erstwhile, on the DICK show. I got a call. I got a call from a member, a contributor to this show, a guest on this show, saying that he was approached to have a show on the Madcast ManPerson network with one big proviso. And this is not my story. I don't want to tell this because it's not my story. And I hope this person comes in and delivers this story

with the same amount of gravitas that they delivered it to me over the phone because it is sobering and devastating. The caveat to having a program on the Madcast Man Person Network was that they never appear on this show. And it was shocking to, it wasn't surprising to me because I get

that it's like I get all these, I see all these things lined up, like taking the iTunes feed, deleting the website, pretending that the website had to be edited and posting it back up, like without any of the write ups and the, the, the releasing of the bonus episodes without even asking me, I see all these things lining up, but I see like, what did I say, Ron, couldn't come on this show, because you don't want to rock boats, Tim and Estarios also getting her ranked

for being on this show, like I see where it's adding up, and it's just this, to me, it's done purely out of spite. Like I can't, I can't see, and I'm not one to jump to spite right away. this, to me, it's done purely out of spite. I can't see and I'm not one to jump to spite right away. Like I'll give somebody the benefit of that for being a good businessman, but the reality is, if you've got a network with shows under it,

these shows should be appearing anywhere to promote themselves, especially on another show that they are featured prominently on. Like it doesn't make any fucking sense to me to prohibit, like these guys aren't making any money on the Dixiel, they come on because they could say whatever they want and they have a good time. The idea of giving people the offer to have a show on your network while simultaneously insisting with the proviso that they not appear on the Dix show is really, it's very petty

to me. It's like something that I understand the impulse to try to fuck somebody over, like maybe then some way this will fuck dick over. Maybe this will hurt him in some way. But I do see them, I do see the marketing angle from your standpoint. Let me, let me, from my standpoint, or the, the person that worked. No, no, no, from, from your standpoint, it's, you're going with the, any publicity is good publicity kind of, or any exposure is, and I understand that.

Do you know who did that? Joan Rivers used to fill in for Johnny Carson when he'd go on vacation and stuff. Right, yeah. And she was doing so well that she got her own show. And Carson said, anybody who goes on her show is never on this show again. Oh, that's very, so he's just spitefully trying to kill her show. I guess. Yeah.

Man, you know, I'll tell you this though, in a TV network situation where your show is arrival and arrival time, I guess that makes more, I mean, the appeal of the tonight show is 100% based on actors and actresses. That's the appeal of that show. This show is not an actor and actress show. This is me bringing my friends in who I have a good time talking with. Like nobody's, a large amount of people aren't saying, holy shit, Dix Man, is on. That's the show, whatever Dix Man is going, that's where I'm gonna go.

So I think it's a little bit different than that. But man, it really pissed me off that day when I heard it, when I was told this story. It pissed me off that people I know are it. When I was told this story, it pissed me off that people I know are getting put in that situation just because they're fucking friends of mine. This whole idea of a network is fucking stupid. That's my personal opinion that trying to throw, mathematics trying to throw is weighed around

and having this ridiculous idea that throwing a bunch of shit on the wall and seeing somehow if some of them work out is going to make money. Like it's never Howard Stern had the Howard Stern 100 channel and the Howard Stern 101 channel. Yeah, he put a bunch of shows up like Riley Martin and a black on black and all these guys. Corolla did it. Corolla gave his dad a show.

And for some reason these guys, these guys with this ego think that they can launch this network and it just never fucking works. Either one of theirs worked. None of the spin-off shows worked because it's just that same, it's just the guy doing that same bit, like you can't put lightning in a bottle. You know what I mean? People tune in because they wanna see you. The idea of, it's so small ball,

to have these other little shows and like chisel out money for advertising from them and just concentrate on your show and make it good. That's my fucking attitude anyway. Like the idea that someone's being offered a show and that it's something to be proud of, to me, is a little bit fucking stupid. Okay.

That's where I'm starting. And everybody knows that, I think Maddox fucking knows that too. So having someone sell basically their soul, trade their soul and do something that they wouldn't normally do. That's what bugs me about it. You give it somebody's show and then you're just asking them to do something, they wouldn't normally do. Where the fuck do you get off doing that?

How much do you pay people at work to do that? And what do you pay in these people? You give them a free fucking pair of shoes? This is what you're offering somebody to just for no reason, for no business reason, fuck over someone they know. Well personal intertwines with business all the time. Business is personal. No, it is because it's your life.

It's all politics. Yeah, it's impossible. Never mix business with pleasure or pleasure, just substitute personal life or whatever for pleasure because you know a lot of times your friends with the people you're in business with and that kind of stuff can become very personal very easily but I think just along those lines I think as soon as somebody has to change what they do to have achieved a certain level of success. It rarely works out well. What do you mean? I mean, if you achieve a certain level of notoriety because you've acted a certain way,

you have a certain audience and then you start getting into things like, well, I need to expand my audience. How do I reach this? And you start watering yourself down. Oh, you start watering your shit down. You can do all of a sudden you start playing safe or and you try to like recreate old classics like you do a whole book of shitting on kids art because that one worked and maybe like you don't have the balls to rant anymore or something like that would be a good example.

Yeah, it could be anything. It could be anything. It could be anything. It could be you, the mindset is that you have to be full instead of always trying to gain more. You're trying not to lose. You're not trying to always trying to gain more, you're trying not to lose. You're not trying to win, you're trying not to lose. Ambition has turned into desperation. Yeah. And desperate.

A desperate man is a very dangerous man. People do things out of desperation. Well, that's evil, I think. Well, that's human. I mean, that's, yeah. Yeah, the root, like they say the root of evil is money, but it's really that desperate need to have something you're about to lose or something you're feeling you're about to lose.

So hang on, whatever currency that is, I mean, that's as an aside. Yeah, I mean, and I try to be honest about it on this show because I get this, I get this back channeling shit all the time. I get it all the fucking time. And it really fucking aggrave. I'll read this guy, David Clegg. I'll read it in a little bit, but he posted on the Dixho on Facebook,

this huge paragraph about how on my scumbag and like I can't name three personal friends, like what, first of all, what kind of man has three personal friends? Is this way too many fucking personal friends? What am I? Yeah, David Clegg, I mean, he's in the Facebook group. I think I've seen him post.

He's talking, he's he's talking all kinds of trash. In the dick Facebook group. Yeah. Yeah. So by the way, call in. David, please, if you got, if you got such dirt on me, if you got, if you've worked on a hit piece on me, by all means, call in and talk it out. Little mix to answer your question, I just looked it up.

We have 450,000 downloads. Hey, that's good. That's fucking awesome, Sean. I didn't know where the numbers were. That's really good. Relying only on word of mouth and the generosity of subscribers and Patreon who made this possible, who put the coal, who put the black gold in my heart

that runs the rage furnace. All thanks to you guys, 450,000. I hope that answers your question. All right. That's excellent, actually. That's for a new show. It takes a long time, even if you come from a previously known show.

Yeah. Not everybody's gonna follow. No, of course. You know what I mean? And to me, that, you're gonna, yeah, you're gonna lose some people are gonna just kind of just let it fall by the wayside if they're like, well, it's not the old show because you get a lot of that. You get a lot of resentment at first and I've got a million emails saying, it's like, well,

but it's not the new show. It could be, it could be Maddox's or it could be yours. Yeah. But you have to, the stance I've always taken is like, look, yeah, you're right. It's not that show, but you have to take each show for what it is. You have to go, it's like when a band you really love, you know, breaks up and then you like, white snake. You immediately shit on every solo project and you might come back with some objectivity

a little while later and you go, you know what, this was pretty good. Well, it's not, it's maybe it sucks. Maybe it's never going to be as good, but it's different. Maybe it might make it more. Like when Seinfeld broke up, Seinfeld did comedians in the cars with the coffee, and I wasn't. There's such a great fan of that. George went on and did something else, but then Kramer went on that racist rant, and I was like, this is better than any episode, a side felled ever, right? I mean, that's sometimes you like it. Yeah.

Well, that was his ventriloquism phase with a frog, I think, wasn't it? Oh, fuck, it's fucking Pepe. Oh, he just wanted to pee with his pants around his ankles. What's wrong with that? I don't know. What's wrong with peeing with your pants? I'm gonna try it. I'm gonna start doing that in real life to protest.

I still feel like I'm missing a key piece of information on that though. It's just the memories. Well, you know, I don't know how he's like racist, like Neo-Kaz, the people on the internet make racist imagery using Pepe. Like they're gonna do that using anything. You can make Calvin and Calvin piss on a Ford truck.

Oh yeah, a Ford logo, a ship. Yeah, exactly. You can do anything. It's so a Ford truck. Oh yeah. A Ford logo, a ship. Yeah, exactly. You do anything. So that's why it's so fucking stupid. That's why what makes me a rage about it is this idea that either we all have to pretend to be stupid. We all have to pretend. Well, yes, we do. We do. Cannot get it. Yeah. Like you somebody says that to me and I'm like, are you fucking serious? That a cartoon frog is the issue here? Do I have to pretend to be, are you pretending to be stupid? Or are you fucking serious? That a cartoon frog is the issue here? Do I have to pretend to be stupid? Are you pretending to be stupid? Or are you fucking with me?

It's, and I wanna hold them under water until they admit it. Like everybody in America needs should be waterboarding the media all the time. Because I don't know if they really are that stupid or if they're just playing us for fools. It's how we get around doing anything about anything. We're holding a fucking drawing, a drawing liable for this.

Yeah, because it's like, oh no, no, it's way too much work to like fix people or the thought or whatever. Or like explore racism. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. Let's get down to the real rooting causes. That drawing is the fucking problem. Yeah, don't use it anymore.

Let's go, I got the colors. I Got the colors lined up here to see to see what they To see what they come in but I'm gonna for me 50,000. I'm impressed. You like that. I that's a lot of 150 I didn't know I should have said it was 420,000 that would make you doubly. They would make you excited and impressed Why for 20? Oh, fuck you.ly, that would make you excited and impressed. Why? For 20. Oh, fuck you. Yeah. Okay. I brought in, I brought in some stuff on schools.

I'm going to get to, I got a lot of great comments. I got a shitload of amazing fan art this week, but I wanted to bring in schools now before it got too late because I got a big problem with, with schools with that, it's, it's back to school time. My little, my little Irish nephew, the little Irishman. He has a little Irishman too. He's a little to school time my little my little Irish nephew the little Irishman. He has a little Irishman. He's a little Irishman Irish looking kid. He needs a in his lunch box. He needs like a stuffed Guinness. Oh, yeah, a little like a flush like a little plush Guinness that he can just carry around and sleep with. That's how I wish this this kid is.

He's a little guy three years old or something like that. Red hair, bright is the sun, piercing blue eyes. Skin is white is the driven snow. He's a little Irish man. He's got a horrible attitude. He's got a real fuck you attitude already at three. Anyway, he's going to snow. I was influenced that is. He's strapping in. He's strapping on his little backpack to go to school. And I'm having like a crisis of consciousness, thinking of this poor bastard going to school for 18 fucking years.

Yeah. 18 fucking, like, or the next 15 years of this poor fucking kid's life is gonna be spent in what, in my my opinion is a prison for kids, a fucking prison for kids and it breaks my heart and I don't know if I could do it if I was a parent. And it prepares them less and less for the real world. Bro, so here's, it's fucked up.

Pretty soon you're not gonna be allowed to wear shirts with like quick silver logos because I don't know. It's an elitist representation of people with vacation homes in the mountains. Well, you bring up an interesting point about who is teaching the kids because it's like there's the system of, there's a system of bias in schools that's just inherent to the people running them. You know, like everybody, everybody in a school. How could it not be? How could it not be?

Like this is their, they jump out of getting their teaching credential and this girl is predominantly women and they're young. It's a, like there's a, people aren't a cookie cutter, but they kind of are. Like that's why advertising works. Cause you get in there and you start shaping young minds, but you don't really know what the world is about.

You know? And the more money we give them and the more responsibility we put on schools is tantrum out is the same as turning children into that, like giving them more access to kids and more is turning kids that come out of there into little clones that are themselves either pussy's or self hating like rage machines. You know, you come to what are they? What do they teach you there? Are they teach that?

Where's the line? I don't know what they teach. Teaching you knowledge and behavior. Right? That's what frustrates me. So I brought in this one statistic because I used to bring in all these statistics and you only focus on one. Like let's focus on one big statistic here. And this is the one I wanted to bring in. All right. This is a graph from the Kato Institute. So if you hate the Kato Institute, you could write off this whole thing right away. But search yourself. Like think of what you know,

and it might seem true to you. It might explain a lot of things that we're seeing in public education. Like it might explain a lot that we're seeing in public education. Here is, it starts at 1970, where the cost of education of a kid, the total cost spent on a kid was $55,000 a year. That you spend on total costs, everything.

Now look at this fucking graph, skyrocket. This is inflation adjusted, by the way, as it climbs 80s, 90s, 2002, 2010, it's up at $160,000 inflation adjusted. Per kid, per year. Per year, this is what they're saying. Per like public schools, yeah, public schools. Holy fuck. Now compare that.

Same graph. I mean, this graph says everything to me. Same graph, these are the lines at the bottom of this graph. The red, the green, and the purple are achievement scores. Are measured achievement scores. And the best, the best they can call it. I'm seeing it. You understand?

Basically flat. Dips down in 1986. Probably, that's, you blame that on Indiana Jones. Probably came out. Kids were fucking around. Kind of like a flat. So you're doing it. And not even like a trend up or trend down perfectly flat.

A lot less for your money as the years go by. Dude, spending tripled. Yeah. A amount we're getting back absolutely fucking nothing. Wages of teachers are going down in 20 years inflation adjusted system. Yeah. This is so fucked.

So I did a little bit more research, right? Yeah. You want more research? Yeah. Everybody loves my stats. I like research. They're nice and simple. Here is how much. Let's take, let's take New York, for example.

They're spending 27,000 a kid per pupil in the Phoenix Area Scores. Let's see, let me see this again. 27,000 a kid in New York. Are you telling me? Wait, wait, wait, I'm confused though. You're saying 100,000 per kid. Yeah, but this is, this is saying total cost. What's, okay, what it goes into total cost?

I have no fucking idea. Fucking everything for school supplies. Probably the buildings, like the health insurance. Everything that goes into funding me and tires to stand. That makes sense. This is a more direct like yearly budgetary cost. This is like per child just for a year. To get him to walk around all the classrooms,

student, or teachers, salary, stuff like that. Okay, okay. $27,000 a year in New York City. Are you telling me, are you telling me that you take 10 kids? You give me 10 kids and $270,000. And you can't make them a fucking geniuses. Like where the hell is this money going?

Well, yeah, and where's the, yeah, the priorities are fucked up obviously. It's so fucking simple when you look at it like this, $300,000 dude, for to educate 10 kids, peace, peace of cake, start the bidding. Why do schools work and that I'm going to go back to this analogy because they are the only system that is set up Exactly like a prison. You got the warden They're calling the shots. You got all the guards and you make money per person in your institution Net like never is there and by the way also built to rake in money prisons built to rake in fucking monitors And in car sorry black guys black guys forever, right?

Well, it's, yeah. The school's too, they haven't been any different in that regard. I can remember, they said, make sure you get a note from, you know, your, if your abs, because they're in the car and they're in the doctor or whatever, yeah, because like if it's not a, quote unquote, excused abs since they don't get any money.

And they were real quick to point that out to a bunch of fucking kids, like we should give a fuck. Like that's where the priority should be. Okay, got my homework, I gotta do my math, you know what, I gotta study for this, there's gonna be like, I know there's gonna be a quiz tomorrow when I'm gonna be like that. Yeah, and I like this girl who likes another guy.

Like let's not fuck all that homework. What kids care about fucking homework? Yeah, all right. But whatever, you've got things that are higher on your priority list, right? Yeah, agreed. So that's supposed to actually enter your mind that what your teacher told you about, oh, it's like very important that I do this.

Oh, it's on you. It's on society at large. Well, claps. It's on you, man. None of the, they're not, they don't teach you to think for yourself. They teach you to think for the fucking system. Yeah. That's my rant on school. That's why, and the, they're not, they don't teach you to think for yourself. They teach you to think for the fucking system. That's my rant on school.

That's why, and you're so right in that it's a priority fuck up because every time you hear about schools in the public arena, you hear about how the low kids need to be brought up. That's what we need. We need to focus on not leaving any kids behind. I didn't know that they didn't hold kids back anymore. Oh, if you're like, you know, if you're a terrible student, you're really struggling like, Sean, apparently you don't like repeat fifth grade terrible student, not terrible student. If you have special needs,

you're put in the regular fucking class. They got a whole stable of teachers who will fuck up, who will try to pretend and teach a special needs kid in with the regular class, and I don't mean one or two of them. I mean a lot of, it's everybody having to pretend that they're fucking stupid. Like you ask a teacher, well why did this guy get all fucked up? Well yeah, he's got a lot of special needs. That's why don't look at me like this is confusing to you.

You can't not keep this kid. You can't catch this kid up. You can't not leave this fucking kid behind. Are you fucking insane? How about you slice off a big chunk of that three, and by the way, that $300,000 a year, that 270,000 a year figure is different all over the US. Like some places is 18,000.

You can use a card. It's 8,000 or something like this. But the point is how much money do you need to educate 10 kids? I don't know. Again, Utah, it's 8,000 or something like this. But the point is, how much money do you need to educate 10 kids? I don't know. To figure it out, what are you, two adults? Two adult salary for one year who wanna work with kids. Two stay at home moms, you wanna work 50,000, 60,000,

70,000, we're still only floating around 140,000. Let's get them working out. Let's make a nice gym. How much does that cost? So maybe 2,000 a month, throwing another 12,000 on top of that, still floating around 152, still not hitting that, what, like all these fucking numbers drive me insane. The idea that every second of airtime,

we hear about education is spent on bringing the low kids up to me is so fucking aggravating because the ones, the kids who are gonna build the matrix, the kids who are gonna cure cancer, the kids who are gonna make self-driving helicopters and jet packs that whip us around like the Jetsons and machines that carry me into the shower and scrub me up and put on my black V-neck

before I even wake up. Those are the kids on the top. Those are the 130 IQ plus kids that are going to change the fucking future. You want to talk about preparing our kids for the next generation and a global marketplace? You focus on them. You focus on fucking them. You don't build a team. You don't build an athletic team.

You don't build any kind of team. By bringing people up, you do it by pushing your best forward. Yeah, and we don't do that anymore. They're getting chopped. They get fucking chopped and nobody cares. Throw the kids back into class and let them sit there and pretend to be stupid. From kindergarten through third grade,

I went to private school. And it was, I think it got me so far ahead compared to my friends who were public school. Yeah, because the money I think went to where it was, now we're talking the 1980s, right? So it's a beautiful time. I guess it was. Chicks wore high shorts.

Their hair was big. Things were neon. There was neon. It was great. Oakley, Oakley was a great brand. Yeah. You throw on a pair of razor blades. With the, oh, herrhydium lenses.

Roller blades were coming out, changing the world. Changing the, the mega powers. The incredible, excuse me, Hulk Hogan and Macho Man, Randy Savage, they were the toughest men in the world. Cocaine on every executive's death. Cocaine was part of work. People knew how to have fun at work in the 80s. You say, what, work's kind of bringing me down.

Let's do some Coke. It sounds like an emert. We got a power of the US economy. Let's break out that Coke and let's get it going. Now, you drink 10 lattes every day. 10 fucking lattes and you write your personal bio of what stupid way you got to work. Oh, I got a self-powered bicycle that turns into a kite

that I surf to work. That's my CEO bio. Fuck me. Go ahead. No, I was just gonna say that it seems like, at least at my school, the priorities were right. And they also encouraged people who were, you know, quote unquote, ahead of the curve to

go ahead and do it. You know what I mean? Like, it's not okay. You don't have to stay with the class. And the teachers were good enough and observant enough to recognize that the kids were different. And some of them, they'd have these, you know, parent teacher conferences like all the time. That's what you were paying for.

And that's telling you, man. It was like, hey, you know what, maybe you could help him, will work, you know, will set up a time, or my aide, or something, will help him with this. He's really good in this, but he's lagging behind in this. This person is great,

and at this, encourage that, all that kind of stuff. And that was, I always remember, never having to feel like, there's sometimes a mentality where it's like, you don't want to show your too smart smart or you're too good at something. And that's disgusting. It might be a humble brag or something.

I was a kid who was generally good at a lot of things very quickly. And I know nothing humble about that brag. Yeah, well, no, I mean, I started. No, I just lost my way out of brag. It is now. Nowadays, I think some of those kids are kind of pulled back a little bit. Like, no, no, no, you can't strain. There's a giant lasso around everybody.

And the kids in the front are still on the front, but they can't break away from that pack. You know what? They're not supposed to. You remind me of a very, a deep cut, a story that I remember from a long, long time ago. And this is, I haven't thought about this in a long time, but hearing your experience is sinking it in, like, fucking crystal clear and digital clarity. long, long time ago. And this is, I haven't thought about this in a long time,

but hearing your experience is sinking it in like, fucking crystal clear and digital clarity. I was in first grade and I think I was at some kind of private school. And we had this thing, we had like an hour of free time. And this is this defined school for me, too, by the way. We're like an hour of free time. And what you could do in that,

for you could do whatever you wanted in that free time. You could sit there and stare at the fucking ceiling, you could count your knuckles over and over again, you could do whatever you want. There was a weird way to come up with different numbers too. Well, I mean, no child left behind, we gotta play for that. We gotta have a curriculum for counting knuckles. There was this one activity that I love doing.

There was a box in the back of class and it was full of stories on that thick board. What is that? I forget that's thick card stock board. It was like a laminated card stock, like eight and a half by 11. These big stories and it had the title of the story at the top and then it was like a menu.

It was kind of like a menu, but it felt like I remember the feel of it. That's what I'm talking about. In case anyone else had this activity at the air school, like this big fold out card stock where it would have a title and a big picture and every story in the box was color coded, like a karate belt.

So the oranges and the yellows at the front were like, you know, Jill went to, Jill and her dog went to the park today, and then Johnny joined them and he said that his dad was picking them up and did she want to ride home and she did take a ride home and they forgot the dog, but then when they got home, the dog was there and that was the story. And then you would answer a bunch of questions on that story. And then you handed it in a reading comprehension. Yeah, you'd hand it in and you'd get graded. But I remember taking a peek at some of the greens and the purples in this indigo color

way in the back was basically black, but it wasn't quite black. And I looked at the thing and I looked at stories, looked way more interesting. Yeah. Like, and you don't remember shit when you're that young, but this I remember clear as a fucking bell. How much I enjoyed reading those stupid pamphlets every day. And I would try to get through, I started at the small ones and I could power through a three or four, answer the questions, get them graded, and then you get enough checks,

you can move on to the next color. Yeah, right? So I went through, I'm always looking for that, that like that, the deep cut in the back. This is a first grade or something. Like it's probably still stupid. Like I'm not reading the, the the firm, in the very back. But whatever, it looked more interesting than Sally and her dog at the fucking bar.

Obviously more advanced. Yeah, so I get then sure enough, as you go up every color, they got more and more interesting. I finally got to the green, the dark green, not the light green. I remember passing the light green. I got to the dark green. And I did my first dark green, I was like,

oh, that was an interesting story about a ship. Like a lost ship that these dudes were looking for. And it had all kinds of twists and turns. I did the test. I handed it in. The teacher looked at me and she goes, hey, listen, listen, you got to cool off on these stories for a while because you're getting so far ahead

that everyone else is feeling bad. And I said, that right there, it took away any kind of validation that you should have received, which is its own reward. People love validation and it incentivizes them to do well and continue doing that. And for somebody to say that is fucking unforgivable to a kid. Oh, and that's going on now. I remember I was completely encouraged by your teachers and everybody. Yeah, for some stupid reason, I was like the weird kid who in the summer. Because you're so handsome between always been this handsome.

Teachers are probably trying to bang you. Oh, Jesus Christ. Has a teacher ever tried to bang you? Oh, what are you hearing? No, no, no, I did that for comedic effect. But not even a little bit. I got a teacher, not the other. Not the three.

It's not even close. They're not even like an accident in a little weener touch. Like you know when it should cock knuckles you. No, an accident. You're hanging. Oh, bitch come on. No, I never had it. No, you never had any kind of weird.

We're the questionable of bull advances or conversations, inappropriate flirtations with a teacher, man or a woman. Maybe. Yeah, I can think of one teacher. Maybe she skated the line a little bit. I don't think it was just me. I don't think it was just me. That's the fucking, yeah, they're not that much older than you.

You know, and they got a little bit of that. The first year or two. Yeah, you know, even under 30. You know, when you're 17, how do you? Well, 17, I wasn't 18. You were a bad kid too. I wasn't a bad kid. Well, I was getting there.

Yeah, you rode the line. I was getting there. That's you riding the line. Anyway, you got encouraged by the teacher. Yeah, because between my kindergarten and first grade, for some reason during the, I noticed the cursive riding, which they don't teach anymore,

because it's totally pointless. It is totally pointless. Totally fucking pointless. I thought the letters looked cool. So I just taught myself to write the alphabet. Sure. They didn't teach us that in school yet. So I, you know, I go back to printing in first grade.

And then I think I was just like, Oh, I'm going to do this. I would finish or whatever. And so I'm going to move on to this next thing. And I just started writing it in cursive. And like the next thing I know, like the, the teachers over there and she goes, like, Sean, can I see you? Yeah. See you or come over to my desk or whatever.

And I was like, Oh my God, like I went ahead. I'm in trouble somehow, like somehow I got in trouble because I'm doing not with everybody else. And she goes, did you, how did you learn to do this? And I said, well, I just, I liked the look of them. So I did it. And she says, you can do this. You can do all your stuff in cursive from now on,

if you want. And I thought that was cool. Yeah, it's cool. I'll tell you the opposite of that feeling is I want to butcher you at home and burn this fucking school down. And I remember feeling that when I was told that so I because I said, well, can I do one a day or not? And she goes, no, just do none for a while. And I went back and sat at my desk and turned into a monster. I didn't do anything else. That was the big. I remember it's so fucking clear that I just sat there

and thought, and I have every single thought about it that I do right now. Every single thing, I bad thought about it anyway. Isn't that funny when you're a kid? And you think, you go through something like that, and then you think maybe, you almost try to, at least I would, I try to justify it where it's like, no, maybe, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there's like, and then, and then you become an adult, and you realize that you were right the entire time on that principle. Yeah. You're like, no, they were completely

fucking wrong. Yeah. And it's absolutely true. It's, it's, and you realize how fucked everyone is. All right. I'm going to take a caller. Let's see. We get Donnie from Brooklyn. Uh, let's, Donnie, you're on the dick show what you got they what's up i had like a whole thing prepared about complaining about the bombing in Manhattan last night but i just got super angry about something that happened to me when i was in first

grade let's hear it and really jealous that you had teachers that like supported you because i remember very specific incident where something happened and basically the teacher brought me up into the front of the room and had everyone laugh at me uh... never forget that what did you do what did you do

fucking angry that like uh... and there's funny is that she actually added a bunch of people on facebook a few years ago and I almost want to be like, don't you remember what you did? Yeah. There's me in for, oh yeah, anyway. What did you do?

Why did she bring you up in front of the class that you laughed at? You should in your pants or something? Pissing with this pants down. Yeah, did you piss with your pants down? Sorry, a lot of seconds. He's in the subway this time. Yeah, what happened was, I think someone had a bet. Can you hear me? Yeah, yeah fun. All right cool

Basically, I think someone gave a wrong answer until I snicker a little bit. Oh Had me go to the front classroom and then had everyone just laugh at me. Yeah, how does it feel? How does it feel? No, you didn't deserve it it's a fine that little mother fuckers should have been okay with getting getting snicker that forgetting that like yeah have a talk with the kid after class you don't fight fire

with a nuclear bomb when somebody who's got no way to get you back at it what a fucking bitch fucker alright what do you got from Brooklyn buddy you want to talk about the uh... the bombings last night yet so there was a quote unquote bombing which i actually

you know and we'll find out i'm sure in a few days you know what the reality chill see a bunch of like kid through like a cherry bomb in like a dumpster something uh... but then my entire facebook within like half an hour after it and i went oh just a little no there was a bombing in the net and i'm safe and these are for people that like and i don't know how well you guys know like half an hour after it. I was like, oh, just so everyone knows there was a bomb in the head. And I'm safe. And these are for people that like, and I don't know how well

you guys know, you do our city geography. But there's people in Harlem, people deep in Brooklyn, people in Jersey city. But all I'm safe, let everybody know I'm safe. Well, yeah, you weren't close to it. Harlem is nowhere near

Chelsea. I'm safe. No, no, I want to read you a verbatim status. All right. All friends and family who may be concerned. I am safe. I've been at home in Harlem all evening. I did not wear there was an explosion in Chelsea about an hour ago. It's like, what the fuck, Karen's made a picture actually in the bombing because you were

at whatever gay night clubs are in Chelsea yeah and you have one hey i actually was around this area when it happened i'm safe if you don't live anywhere near what's the point yeah i was a little face book as a thing now where they'll automatically tell people you were saved right i do i don't think they do because i went and checked in i didn't check in but i look at that the check-in after whatever it's called and because it's new york city it had the entire

radius you know the five mile radius around that area so i don't care about people in like suburban new jersey like they're not gonna check in what's the point of the matter it's getting worse it's good your the the i was very uh... impressed at at your call and system, by the way. Oh, great.

That's all thanks to Alex being there in Toronto. All right, buddy. I'm going to let you go and get somebody else. Thanks for calling. Thanks a lot, Dick. See you. What about that bombing in New Jersey for the marathon was delayed? Or what have gone up on the bombing?

No, no. They've already got their fucking life. You know what? Fucking pisses me off about that bombing. So all I need to say and like maybe some kids through a chat. I mean, like there's, you know, some got bombed. Look, either kids did it or ISIS did it. Either one's gonna happen until the end of time. It's never ISIS is never gonna get fucking fixed.

There's always gonna be suicide bombs. Thomas Jefferson had a problem with Islam. Trump's great, great, great, great kids are gonna be president and gonna have a fucking problem with Islam too. That great, great grandkids are gonna be president. You're gonna have a fucking problem with Islam too. That bomb went off. And the first thing I see this morning is people complaining about Uber surge pricing because of the bomb.

They said Uber, how shame on Uber for implementing surge pricing in this moment of national crisis. I had to pay 1.4 times what I usually pay, I usually pay $11. I had to pay $16.95 to get home because Uber and their greedy tactic, again, pretending to be fucking stupid.

The reason they have surge pricing is to get people out of the house to drive you stupid ass home. What is so hard to understand about that? It's not, they're not just raking you over the coals because they don't have a guy sitting there like Dr. Claw with a white cat sinisterly looking for moments of crisis around the US

to say boom, fuck them with Uber charges. It's just a system that pulls more people out because more people wanna get there. You don't like it, fucking walk. All right, I got a new let's get another caller. This guy wants to bang a hot chick. William from Houston, you're on the Dixiel. What do you got? What makes you rage? Hey, dick. How's it going, man? Good. Yeah, I had a, I had a slow situation with this girl. We'll just call her Jane. She's sexier than that. uh... i had a uh... i have a situation with this girl uh... uh...

with this color jane dole uh... she's uh... sexier than that that's a big man let's call her something sexier than that that sounds like a dead woman work at the more they call unnamed bodies on the hot but

okay go ahead so yeah she's uh... i mean she's objectively attractive girl and uh... the thing is that she's been one of the bangings is like tenth grade right and uh... and the word college now and everything and uh... and she's like

man she's uh... the thing is that she's like he's real clingy and i'm just like i haven't been late and over here so like my thing is that i go for it and just try and deal with the clean clean this or not and if i do um how to deal with that in ever will clean this oh boy well what do you don't want her you don't want her for a girl friend right what you do no i'm absolutely not absolutely not does she know that you that you feel absolutely not about it?

I know she doesn't. I'm just kind of trying to keep things neutral just to keep it in that, it's like nebulous so that way, she's still enticed to bring me. Yeah, I hear that. I do that all the time too. Yeah, that's the thing. Let me tell you your future.

Yeah, I don't know, man. I'm gonna look into my crystal dick ball and tell you what your future's gonna be because you got two futures in my eye. Future number one of inaction. This is how I divide life up by the way, action and inaction. Future number one with inaction. Wherein, you do nothing. You keep cruising on with this friendship, I guess. You do nothing. She gradually pushes and pushes more for banging. It never happens where you get too drunk together

and you do fuck her. But eventually, man, she's gonna resent you. She's gonna get bitter that you don't like her. That's how people work. There's nothing more important than fucking nothing. She wants to bang you. We're not built to have these long term close proximity to each other.

Over time, she's going to resent the fuck out of you. She's going to take it out on another dude in a second. The second she gets in like another relationship, a tight relationship, a long term relationship, you're gone. You're gone because no man's going to tolerate that. No, either she's going to shut her feelings completely off and that will happen and can happen. Or she won't and this guy is gonna browbeater and doing it But either way you got a clock on this thing now. Here's future two with action

You bang her you bang her a couple times Maybe you like it. Maybe the maybe the oxytocin and the dopamine kicks in and you actually like hanging around with this broad. Anything can happen there, but the point is, you had a positive proactive experience in life because that's what I think it's about. If you have any inkling of wanting to bang this girl and you don't, you will regret that for the rest of your life. I think you are 100% correct.

Yeah, and that it really is. You'll always regret what you don't do. Like at least you tried. At least you had that experience. Don't feel guilty about this. She knows what she's getting into, too. Chicks aren't stupid. That's not your responsibility.

That's right. You're not into a relationship because she fucking knows. She knows they always know more than us and they trick us into thinking they don't know that we get all these guilty feelings about it but she fucking knows who knows you might enjoy it what does she look like that's what I that's what I want to know right on a picture what is this girl look like you compare to an actress i i yeah i can send you a picture her and she i mean she's she's cute and everything is just the whole, not one in her relationship

type thing. And if I do, go in Bang Hair, which I totally am down for, but just dealing with the fall out of that is just my trepidation towards that whole thing. But one, you can't be sure what the fallout's going to be. You can certainly have an educated guess, but you don't know until you do it. You don't know? Yeah. Yeah.

Number two, you don't know what your personal fallout's gonna be as far as like Dick said. Maybe you actually like her. Maybe you're like, uh, well, let me tell you a little secret. And again, no man wants a fucking relationship. We all, this is, we all engage in this sex. And none of us want, even if we're telling ourselves we do,

we end up with chicks that we had no intention of getting into a relationship. But that's life. I bet that's 90, 80, 90% of relationships are guys going, well, I didn't want one, but I don't know. She just kind of was a great lay and fucking cleaned my apartment and stuck around and is nice to me.

That's probably true. Is fucking nice to me. I know how hard is it to find somebody who's fucking nice to you in this room? I think you rarely end up with who you picture in. It's like a woman picturing her wedding day. Yeah, but it doesn't work out that way. And in some things, you just can't plan for in life.

Just kind of takes its own twists. It's, be as proactive as you can. Listen to your dick. What does your dick wanna do? My dick wants to be inside of her. Yep, do it. There you go. Always dicks a good body for you, man.

Yeah. And you're not responsible for how she, if her feelings explode, you know, after you guys fuck, what's her body like? Not responsible for her rock and body. She's young, you guys are both young. I'm kind of body, which I'm kind of... I've got a great body, man. She's like, she's like, I want to say like,

sort of petite, like, petite, she's got a fly some book. Oh, Bob, do the something. You broke up on the best part. She's petite. What kind of boob's are we talking about? How big? Like pumpkins are bigger.

I want to say like, like, see the deep. I haven't, I haven't like actually taken a look at her bra, but I mean, she's like like five three and I'm six foot So she's five three. So it's like you're gonna look like a monster You're gonna look like a monster with this girl enjoy that she's gonna go that thing is as big as my fucking arm And you gonna stick that in me? I've been waiting for this my whole fucking life. You might like it You might like it. You might all this thinking all this thinking is not designed to get us to where we need to go. You dick is.

Hey, write me back and tell me how it works. I do. Tell me what you did and how it worked out for you, right? Yeah, I'll turn it into an erotic story. Oh, please do. Thanks, buddy. Have a good one. All right.

See you. All right, let me get to some comments. How you like this calling thing? It's working suspiciously well. Right? Yeah. It's because Alex knows what he's fucking doing. He does.

He's like Alex from Toronto, Greg. Everything's clean. I got some comments. I got some pictures. First of all, let's see, this one is from Wes Morris. It at Morris, the tat on Twitter. He's drawn a collection of my faces that I made on the Dr. Phil program.

And he's got Dr. Phil underneath it all with a confused look on his face and a nuclear bomb shooting off in his head. I'm going to show that I don't know if I can show that on the live stream. I'll put that in the site later. This is fucking beautiful. It looks like those truck stop shirts with the wolves screaming at the moon, right? Amazing. Why are those in every truck stop across the United States?

Because they're awesome. They are, man. Like, they're everywhere. This is one from MaximumPanic.com. Maximum, dude, this guy, this guy has done so many amazing pieces for this show of me. This is me hitting on Samus. The girl in Metroid, you know, I brought in Metroid with the blonde hair and the blue suit and the boobs. This is me using my shoes line on Metroid. I'm saying, hey, you're that broad from the Nintendo game Metroid, the one where

you play as a broad. By the way, I love your shoes and she spins around and says, oh, yeah, me too. They're basically jet packs for my feet. Do you want to hear a weird story about my dad? And then there's my grin. And that's the face that I really do make when I think I'm about to have snacks. Nice. Like the fucking Cheshire cat. Yeah. The Cheshire cat, but a creepy car salesman version of the Cheshire cat so that shoes line I was 80s girl heard that episode and she goes well I could see how that line would work But it wouldn't work on me because I got I get all my shoes at Target and I said doesn't matter

I said even the ones you're wearing right now, they don't look like they're from Target. And she lit up like a fucking Christmas. She looks at her shoes and goes, oh really you don't think so? And I'm like, bitch I didn't even look at your shoes. What are you don't tell me what lines work?

Do you know who you're talking to? Of course it works on everybody. There's always a spin. That's the point is that they have their heart on their feet. How long did she go before she was like, oh, oh, oh, that was right away. I let her have to hook right away. I was like, honey, I'm just kidding with you. I'm just being an asshole. Don't ever think you're smart on me again. Don't ever, don't you ever fucking, don't you ever contradict me even in private, ever

again. Okay, here's one from vengeance on Twitter. He said he was going on, on Game Day, college game day, ESPN when they had the signs in the background. So he got, he said, what should I put on the sign? So I said, put Get Rape down the sign. Oh my God. No, but then I said, I was on this kick of talking about President's screw from Spaceballs because I said that Hillary Clinton in her pants suits always looks like President's screw when he gets his head turned around. Right? And he said, what didn't someone tell me when I asked was so big? because I said that Hillary Clinton in her pants suits always looks like President Scroobe

when he gets his head turned around. Right, and he's like, Why didn't someone tell me why that was so big? Yeah, that's what Hillary Clinton looks like all the time. Like every time I see her for the last eight months is in these fucking pants suits. I'm thinking President Scroobe, okay? So I said, you know who else looks like President Scroobe,

Lee Korsow, it looks spitting image of President Scroobe. So he sends me this screenshot of him on sports center. You can see his sign in the background saying Lee Corso is President's group. Holy shit. What about that? We're getting on TV with this show. That's awesome.

President's group, let me see if I got one more. That Maximum Panic Guy, man. He makes so many awesome pieces of art that I gotta get a shirt store going or something like that. All right, last one is from Snackman. It's Maddox's Snackman. Should have thanked me for the snacks and he's got a bunch of bowls of snacks in his hand because all the ranting and bullshit I would get for not thanking him for bringing

snacks on the show. Okay. Is Dustin? I don't know. Here's Dustin, where are you? Okay, I'll read some more letters for his Kevin Flescher, says, side note, the show helps me with treadmill, hell day, FYI.

Fabian says, dear Dick, I wanted to thank you for your episode 13. You said very briefly that you would try not to use the word retard as much or at all. I think I've done pretty good. I think you have. Yeah. Thank you so much as a father of a child with Down syndrome.

Oh, a huge fan of your show. I really appreciate your effort. I'm no word Nazi as I try not to let one word control my emotions even if it is meant to be offensive. Man, that is. Yeah, some people were complaining that I wasn't using it anymore, but like, look, is that important to me?

If this guy's got to hear it and like, it sticks him in his stomach, like just stop, just stop, I don't need the fucking word. I'm a word, I don't know what you call it when you put words together for your ideas, like a word, a word, a word assembler, a word smith, or something like that, but that's what I do. I'll figure out a way around that. I can figure out it's say retarded without actually saying it. Right, go ahead.

Sure. No, that's, I mean, that's fine. You don't make fun of somebody with mental disabilities. You just don't, Well, it's because of the parents. It's funny. I've said it before that word is back and it's okay. Sean.

Yeah. Of course, it's okay. It's, you know, before, it was really, it was like, oh my God, don't fucking say that. That's okay. John. Yeah. Oh, of course, it's okay. It's, you know, before it was really, it was like, oh my God, don't fucking say that. That's terrible. I, you know, I've always worked in the entertainment field, very, very liberal, very progressive. Somebody used that word in a session with four voice actors

and four or five people from the network. And everybody laughed their asses off and nobody said anything. Nothing. Just their asses off, and nobody said anything. Nothing. Just on to the, yeah. Nobody said, oh, you can't really say that. Or, you know, it was, no, nothing. Amy Polar said, you'll like this,

because she said, improv is like the retarded cousin of comedy. Yeah, yeah. That's true. It's like the, it's like also the lazy version of comedy, where you just want people to think you're funny and not have prepared anything. I'm the most pure level of narcissism.

Like this is what I'm doing. Everybody come out to see my show. Oh, what did you prepare for it? Absolutely nothing. I'm sure it's hard to do well. I've never done it, so I don't know how hard it is. It's so hard that no one should do it. It should be like brain surgery.

Like don't just whip it out. Did you do this? Have you been doing it for 10 years in private? Have you been reading books on it? Are you willing to get sued? If I don't laugh at your improv show, do you have some kind of malpractice, improv, malpractice insurance that I can consult?

Then I could get some kind of damages for for wasting my fucking time and $10 at this shitty theater off Santa Monica. Is this, is this available for me? Then don't do it. You need to have insurance that I can recoup damages for my fucking time from if I didn't laugh one time at your show.

Got what were you going to say? People always think from the outside that things are a lot easier than they are. Yeah, I could do that. I could do that. All right. You're fucking delusional. It's Dustin on the line. I want to get some questions from Dustin before I play some voice mails.

Hey, what is up? Hey, there we go. How you doing? Good. I am on the phone line big shout out to Alex for setting this up. I'll upload that. Yeah. Hey, I heard back by the way, Sean, you know,

Sovosh from Reddit. Oh, yeah. So critical of Dustin over the weeks. I had him on and yeah, if you were here for that, we had a fun conversation, right? Yeah. He has vanished. He stopped listening to the show after that.

He wrote a bit, he wrote like a farewell letter on Reddit. I don't know if it was a farewell from the show or to life. I don't know, obviously not to life. Hopefully not to life for God's sake, but apparently. I mean, 450,000 downloads, cool, but it's, you know, the show's not that big a deal. Don't kill yourself, over. Get on TV and say, Lee, of course, so it looks like President's group, but don't kill yourself over it for fuck's sake.

So I thought we were going have this great Dustin rage versus Sovash rage because Sovash would go through meticulously and catalog everything that he did not like about Dustin. I'd forgotten he was the one who did that. Yeah, so I thought that would be great to put him both up there but he's gone. I guess like Shane, he's walked off into the sunset. I tried messaging him.

I tried messaging no answer and I telling him how great he was doing. Now I think he might be in the IRC. I don't know if he's still posting there, but I know he was at one point. I hope so, because I want to let everybody vent their rage on Dustin in a healthy way, but that's not just downvoting, right? Like I want someone they can upvote too, who's their guy?

Because Dustin gets a lot of support as well champion yet anyway are you got some questions are you going to go through i do you know i have some nice and lined up here uh... just a heritage once what bands are dick and shan into our surprise your shan's in like rush yeah i you know i just i just don't not a big like and i know they're not you they you can't simply label them prog rock,

but in a way, they are. I mean, I know their idol at the beginning, at least, was Zeppelin. I mean, I grew up with family in the business. I'm a pop guy, I mean, as far as, I mean, I love rock. You're like, bands like beers. No, no, no, not a modern part.

I mean, it's like, you know, I mean, I grew up from the earliest things I can remember hearing as a kid were Beatles tapes. Stuff like that. I mean, I like all the great bands from that era. I like some of the old rock of the music. I grew up with Peter Gabriel's show and the Yerivis. My fucking parent, my dad, listen, is so much of that new age. There's some good songs on that stuff, though.

Yeah, that was my introduction. I know what you mean. In the 80s, I would say, Shaq for me. The monkey. Yeah, 10,000 times there. The 80s are my least favorite musical decade. Yeah.

I would say by far, but no, I like the classic rock stuff. I always have. It's like what, first guitar hero was Hendrix, because I heard he was just, you know, insane. And so that was cool, and I wanted a strat in the whole bit. And then, and then I heard Black Dog by Led Zeppelin, and it changed my life. It wasn't that it was better than Hendrix or whatever.

It was just so much heavier, and what I didn't realize at the time was like, that's the difference with John Bonham playing drums. It was like he was heavier and what I didn't realize at the time was like that's the difference with John Bonham playing drums. It was like he was playing the mountain tops. The band was so heavy and that guitar tone and I'd never heard anything like it and I wanted a less Paul immediately so I could be Jimmy Page. And it literally shocked me. It shocked me that a band, you know, that was off the fourth record.

It shocked me that a band, you know, that was off the fourth record. It shocked me that a band in 1971 sounded like that. And then you discover, you know, things like what did they like? You know, and you go back to the the blue stuff and then you go back to, you know, and then I got into Sagovia, those 20s recordings. I can hear how wet chicks are getting right now. Yeah, you talk about whatever. But it's, you know, I, I branch out. I like, I like good music, but a good, a good pop hook, a good pop hook will get me every time. So rush, I just, I don't think I can put any better than I, than I put it before, which is they're like writers with incredible vocabularies. And I don't give a fuck about a single sentence they ever wrote.

They're just, it's just boring to me. It sounds like exercises. I can't stand Getty Lee singing. He's like a, I don't know. He's like some kind of like, I'll say he's like a retarded alien. No, gee, say you're done. That's it. You've expanded your vocabulary. Neil Pert sounds like he does exercises. He plays, he sounds autistic. He does like exercise. He's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, like he's playing, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'll sing the bass lines and people, how do you sing a bass line? But I'll do it all the time. It drives everyone to sing.

And Elvis obviously because he's just fatter than hell. He's living the dream. No one is, you know, he was only that fat for like the last half year of his life. Like he was getting bigger and stuff. But that was when he was,

people always remember the fat Elvis. But that was when he was, because he was a beautiful, really to turn. Really took a turn. He was beautiful then. Yeah. All right, what else you got, Dustin? Let's do two more.

All right, so Mark Lemuro wants to know, he says, Dick mentioned having hired people in the past. Can you give him tips on how to get hired because at this point, job hunting is starting to be an exercise and prostration and depression. How to get hired? Oh my God. Yeah, like for tips for being hired and the job hunting and work and you say on an interview

that can separate you for your competition, that sort of stuff. You got to get hired through a friend. Like it's really, if you're not maximizing your friend hook up network, then it's sad, but it's true, it's not what you know, it's who you know. So if you're not going, if you're not like gray marketing it and pulling out all the stops, then I have no fucking idea how you get hired. Yeah. That's really about like reading the interviewer.

There's people are way more qualified than me to give you advice on that, but definitely hit up your friends. Go through that friend network. Say something. Say something weird. Get into that interview and drop, drop some weird musical knowledge like Sean just did try to make a personal connection above all else, try to make a personal connection when you're in the interview because nothing else matters. People only hire who they want to work with. They think they would have fun working with. If they, if you can convince

them that you are them in some way, they will hire you because they think they're providing for themselves that's the psychology of an interview to me i'll do one more uh... also just as i thought don't tell them to get rapes and if you do uh... i don't think i'll have to help it that's asking for a lot of uh... he's commenting that uh... last week you said there's a good story that would you be recognizing the street, you never got to hear it. I know.

You would go into it. Should I do that? So right now? You're at an hour and a half right now. You're going to do it next week? I mean, it's not the longest we've done. Well, I'll do that one next week. Yeah, I mean, let's work coming up on an hour and a half.

All right, Dustin, I want to do some voicemails too though. All right, thanks, buddy. Let's do it. Thanks for having me. Yep. Everybody, thanks for listening. The Dix show, I'm your host, Dix Master, soon go to thedix show.com

to listen to back episodes, to see all the art we're talking about in the episode and maybe that chick's gonna send in her picture too, right? That might happen. You might want to see a hot chick. So you see hot chicks on the internet everywhere, but you didn't get that personal connection with their voice. That's what makes it good.

That's why you go to the Dickshow.com and check it out. She didn't have a cute voice. I hope I answered your question. 450,000 downloads. It's pretty good. Pretty good for entirely run by word of mouth and the drama factory that is my sick mind. You been listening to the Dickshow, my host host dick masters and Patreon.com slash the dick show. See you next Tuesday.

Hey Alex, thanks a lot. If you're there, I should sign off from me, Sean Alex, manning the phone lines. Dust it. As a dick show. Thanks for listening. I'm going to play, I don't know if you need to shut down the the recorder thing now But I'm just gonna play some voicemails if that's cool. Cool, man. Okay. Thanks buddy Hey, Jack lump at the show just wanted to call in because I heard you guys talking about

Alcoholics anonymous on the last episode So I just wanted to call in to tell you what makes me a fucking rage is alcoholics anonymous I send that shit for about five years, and I stopped. I've been sober for about nine. But I sort of poke it into it to figure out why that ship makes me so mad. Turns out when you take a look at any objective study, one that's randomized, done by someone

who doesn't have a state case, future, they find that somewhere around 7% 3 to 7% of people who attend AA actually get sober. Yeah, that seems okay, right? I mean 7% is better than that. Yeah, but it's probably the same as everything else. The spontaneous remission rate, people who sober up without doing anything and that's right around three to seven percent yeah really the real problem with a is when you look at the people who commit suicide after going to a those numbers spike huh turns out when you tell people

they have some sort of a disease I'm a fucking serious I'm okay religious bullshit yeah and then they don't sober up that can be pretty damaging to somebody Psych. Yeah fucking true. Yeah, I think he's let's not putting money into it and stop sending people who get trouble for drinking Stop court ordering them to go. No shit. Anyway shows great. Keep up the great work. You're doing way better now than shows great people for great work to do away better now than uh... the in the end of jones at the network thank you

chonga uh... thank you thank you that is yeah that is undetected i think i knew that the objective studies said that it's no more effective than any other method and it's it most and it's encouraging suicide well that that that i didn't know. And it's not free.

It's being funded. Those people don't show up for free. That's it. All that time. I think you're supposed to donate. Like, I've been, I've been a couple meetings before, but I didn't. And you're mandated to do it if you get a DUI. You're mandated to do something that might,

you can make you kill yourself. Well, yeah, I mean, if he's right with a, you know, if you put that kind of pressure on somebody and let's, I mean, it is a, it is a basically a Christian organization. I know what I'm talking about, you know, belief in a higher power and that can be anything. That could be AA, but it's, yeah, that's God. Everybody knows. Everybody fucking knows it's God.

Everybody knows. They're about the mindset of yielding. The exposure. That's the Christian mindset is yielding to anything, a higher power. The exposure that I've had is that they'll kind of tell you that without them, there's really no hope of getting sober.

And that's objectively fucking God, really? Yeah, that's just the kind of, that's sort of what was thrown my way. And it's empirically false. People get sober all kinds of ways. And it's very manipulative though. Yeah, it is. With people who are at their worst.

Yes. That's like a cult. Yeah. Like behavior. Break people down and tell them you're the way out. Like I think what it is is it's kind of BC thinking. The stuff was started in the early 20th century. I think a lot of drinking has to do with your internal psychology

and the problems and why you may drink and why, you know, what, because it makes you funnier. What's right out of there? It does. Funnier, more interesting. It makes me funnier, more handsome. Yeah, it makes me a lot more handsome. More handsome.

Plus I got all this fucking liquor that I bring back from Burning Man every year. What am I going to just sit and I got to get through that. I'm not going to waste it and dump it out. That's very practical reasons. Yeah, well, I mean, that would be, yeah, it would be, it would be wasteful. It would be wasteful. You would be even more of an infidel. Yeah. But just going back to the disease that he hit, and I've said this before on the, on the old show, I have a problem personally with the disease part. I know it's probably a

semantic argument, but it's, I've always thought it was more of a disorder that can be fixed. I know medically they say it's a medically they say it's a disease. It's classified in there, but I can't. I can't, I can't align, you know, a five year old with leukemia and me. That doesn't seem fair. No, it's just like more pretending to be stupid. Yeah. It's not a disease.

It's not the chicken pox. You're not walking around with a SARS mask when you got alcoholisms. You don't give it to be stupid. Yeah. It's not a disease. It's not the chicken pox. You're not walking around with a SARS mask when you got alcoholism, so you don't give it to anybody else. Like, we all know why we do it. Yeah. Cause it's just, you're fucking broken. Something in you is broken and you need it

for whatever reason. Like a lot of issues are solved by alcohol. That's why everyone does it. Like a lot of different issues. Yeah. How the fuck is that? A disease is caused by one thing, one pathogen, like one, a lot of mutations, but generally one thing.

Well, there is a genetic biomarker in genetics. And then also, you know, when you start at a certain age, you know, there are changes in your brain. Yeah. But so that's where it becomes the biological, you know, factors factor in. But it's to say that the whole thing, like I have no control over it, well, preposterous. I'm not being strapped to a chair and have it poured down my throat at Guantanamo.

If you extrapolate it to absurdity, you know that that's an absurd statement. Yeah. Basically, it's just hand over your vice to God, and that sudden change rarely lasts. Yeah, I can't even. When you trade one vice for another. The God one's a little bit healthier though. Well, I accept this guy saying it makes people

kill themselves more. Okay. I don't know. Have you ever been? You're not dancing yet. What? So, have you ever been AA? Yeah, it's not.

Yeah, I didn't know. Yeah, I have. Yeah, we just talked about that. But I did it's so, yeah. I didn't know. Yeah, I have. I didn't, yeah, we just talked about that. But I did, you said personal experience. I didn't know you meant you personally going. Oh, yeah, I knew somebody. I knew somebody to. Didn't go very, and the ones that I went to too, they were all really just a bunch of people

who kept like, ugh, they're all off the wagon again, felt it's like, how does this help, you know? Yeah. But yeah, because as soon as you get over that initial shame of having to confess every single chain, I no-bottles and for things every single time you confess to doing it you feel it less and less well until it feels like another person saying it out loud and feel absolutely nothing yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I think you're right all right let me see what I can do here

hey there this is that i'm calling in because I think they're privately settled my best view is the soul a the dust and called and confessed to murdering selva should think he'll be able to swallow without a trouble without trouble let's see this guy uh... from Eugene organ called in a shitload of times i keep meaning to play his voice mail but on man

hey the dick show i just wanted to share with you my name is andrew from you to the organ i'm a disabled veteran. I'm actually younger than you, I believe. I don't have a lot of opportunities to make money. Since we're listening to your show, I'm granting to my wife, Constell, about what you say. She's gotten like four raises in the past year. She's now a major executive at where she works. You have changes to our entire family's dynamic. She sounds like a great person.

And I want to say thank you. You've really held us a lot. And I love your message. Keep it up, man. You think that's true? I think it's an easy-n-organ. Wow. Yeah, no, that sounded sincere to me.

Good. I think he probably gave instilled some confidence in his wife. Cause he really liked, I mean, whatever your message is, one of the messages is like, go for it. Like you have nothing to lose. And the only regret what you don't do. And like, and everybody's holding something back from you. And they will lie right to your face

and they won't even blink, but they are definitely keeping shit from you. Okay, yeah, and you can claw it right out of their mouth because it's yours. That may be true, but you might find that you don't have to claw so hard. Wow. Yeah, maybe, maybe, maybe. Takes all kinds.

Oh, kinds of clawing to make the world go round. Well, clearly she's done something to be promoted like four times in a year or something like that. I hope that was a true voicemail. Good for you. I mean, I don't think you can, I don't know if people sound that sincere

who aren't like pathological actors, you know? Yeah, that's true. I think it was legit. Let us Jones call that a guy. Let us Jones. Woo! Yeah, buddy. Let us Jones calling in just to let you know

fourth place in the rage board baby is awesome and all i had to do is leave like a couple of like half-drunk voicemails and i'm for fucking place the rest of these jumps they had to that actually show up at the show oh man that that that that that was a little bit easier to get that that's not

uh... thank for put me in the show nice the show nice enough to put me in on board uh... i finally did become a patreon member and uh... yeah i'm so much he's like life shows and stuff and man i i shan really is a succinct other but i don't know why i always imagine shan as like this uh... short fat uh... now i'm talking about short back i with curly black hair and glasses you know i don't know why but every time I hear his voice that is what That's what I hear even after I still call this picture

Still I'm listening to podcasts. All I think is short Fat really hair guy with this glass. But anyway Sean here's sexy motherfucker. Um, thanks lettuce. So It's great man. Thank you so much. Uh, it's great, man. Thank you so much. I do want to say Bill Burr. I listen to a lot of his podcast, too. And basically, Bill Burr is a funnier and more successful version of you, Dick. I think you guys could do some kind of like cross section.

He is. Cross whatever, the podcast thing to be fucking awesome uh... did you know the bill bird he's got a gag on his show where his fans tell him to go fuck himself really did i mean did you hear it what the end of one of his podcast he's like a a you know go fuck yourself that it's been a good one uh... so yeah and bill bur awesome yourself uh... it's been a good one uh... so yeah and bill burr awesome guy uh... let's see what he even talk like you really

um... what's he put the house is guy getting it pretty much it thanks for putting in the running let us jones i think the the fans have spoken they want to dick and let us sandwich uh... although i don't know half of your fans more like eighty percent of your fans are back at of deplorable anyway

Anyway, go fuck yourself dick. I love you. See you. He should call in He should call it. No, that's a good one. That calling shit worked Like nothing has ever worked before all things that like fucking places hexed. How many voice music? I should go. Do you guys come more? I don't know. let us jones has uh... has a nemesis oh no what i think this is the image

no the call and say that that let us jones guy is a fucking idiot a good co-host is in some internet troll who hides behind some sort of falsified culinary matchable who does so out of fear of his identity being exposed by a bunch of social justice warriors who I'm lettuce Jones I'm scared of lean I've done them tweeting rate back

you they should be who let us go into the week he's low energy and worst of all he's a cock vote spinach smith 2016 for coho and i'll make the dick show or a gig all right i'll put spinach smith on their two last last one uh... last one can you can't well hang on can you can you get on the rage board can you get points on the rage board for just raging at another caller i i will see i don't know i don't know how to fucking board works people decide yeah it's a mass chaos uh... it's, true democracy, like you've never seen before not a republic. Here's one more. Okay. Now, this week's show was a good one, episode

13. This is how it always needs to be. You don't need to be bringing guests in 24, 7, they're pretty funny, you know, they're not bad, but you and Sean got such a nice rapport as it were. I'd like to hear just more you and Sean hanging out. You got to get everyone's in a while. Say, okay, you know, they're pretty funny, but the originals, dick and the Sean, now that's what I'm talking about. I'm waiting for the hammer. There's not ratio, buddy.

Yeah. Sometimes we end on a positive note on this show. Thank you. I'm still waiting for it. I'll start the episode next week, because I don't have to have it. I love that guy. So I just, ladies and boys, now that was a good one. Yeah, it's kind of soothing.

That was a good one. you