The Dick Show - Episode 168 - Dick on Road Rage: Minneapolis

Episode Date: August 20, 2019

Two hobbits steal 80s Girl's car and I sleep through it, the Yang Gang wants you to live in a trash can, Let's Talk About Suicide, fifty ways to secretly record your lover, Egg Clay Day, doubling down on a d*ck pic debt, how to disciprine, Crippled Jesus' strip club adventure,a Mumkey Jones sex tape review, back pain, racing automatic previews, sports for losers, and everything you know about obesity is wrong; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

I thought everybody's reaction to the Nikolai contest was funny as well, even though we didn't bring them up. All right, let's start. Let's start. What you got about it. Talk about the text you got too. From the venue. Yeah you, you got it. The show, Reathers and Contests, come to you live from a mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city of Phelium, your army host, McMasterton. It's $20 million man, recently voted America's worst Mexican 18 weeks running something like that.

Joining me is always is world touring LA based comedian Sean, the audio engineer. Hello, Dave. What's up buddy. What is buddy? What is the text you're referring to? There are people painting their faces black. My GM wants to know is that something you joke about. Sorry, he's asking me to ask you these. You know what? Sorry. Sorry for asking you this. What was your response? Yes, absolutely. We're gonna be joking about, no, I said, ah, it's a long story. Yeah, sort of. But there is a specific guy.

I found myself in the uninvealable position of only making it worse if I spoke. So I chose the shortest amount of words. Every, I mean, there's no repercussions from that. I mean, it was just, I mean, what are you gonna do? No, the cops. All the cops here are on my payroll, sister. I'll call the cops on you.

Get these people out of here, officer. And put this wig on. Put this wig on, officer. You know what it is every time road rage is always interesting afterwards to see which venues just hate the fuck out of us? How was that one? One of the bartenders told Tanner to pay his tab and get the fuck out of us? How was that one? One of the bartenders told Tanner to pay his tab

and get the fuck out. Really? I was told. How fucking... How big it is. Yeah. Really? Someone who was very nice beforehand,

he told me this is the after party. Yeah, pay your tab and get the fuck out. Oh, because of the show? I don't know. Because of the show? I don't know. Because of the show. Because of people throwing up in the front row. I don't know why. The whole auditorium of people booing,

what's that bitch's name? Ilhan Omar. What? Ilhan, the black congresswoman from one of the squad. Oh, yeah. Ilhan Omar. I had no idea how close we were spiritually to the Minnesotans.

I had no idea how much of a liberal bastion it was. In the Midwest. I didn't know that. Minneapolis is a very liberal city. Yeah, it's very, a lot of arts and stuff like that. So yeah. Well, yeah, okay, all right. But then also paper straws and bullshit. Yeah, a lot of bullshit.

That's Benning Drive Thru's bullshit. Yeah, a lot of bullshit. Yeah, it's a pretty, it's pretty liberal city. It's just a triangle of it. Stretching from New York to Minnesota to California, keeping everybody. Well, incredible news, Sean. What's that?

The Patreon, Patreon.com slash the dick show is at $25,000. I heard that. $25,000 for the first time. For the first, it's never been that high. Never been that high. Skyrocketed since, since why? I wonder what could have caused it. You mean, just this, what could have caused something like that to happen?

Yeah, well, that. Unbelievable. Maddox's spaghetti tantrum over the week has exploded. The support for this show. And it just fizzled out. Has he been quiet lately? He just continues to lose subscribers. Yeah, he's been quiet lately.

He's, he's- He's, he's- He's punched himself out. Punched himself out. Yeah, a guy. Got to take a nap. Lost all his credibility. He's not making sense anymore. Mental Jess got married too.

That might have something to do with it. Oh God, yeah. For the first time ever over 25,000, thank you, Maddix. Mental Jess got married yesterday while we were performing in Minneapolis. It looks like a beautiful ceremony. She's posting about it all over. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm sure he's preoccupied with stalking that.

For various accounts or whatever he has. He's got to know exactly what's going on. He's trying to get a look at the guy's dick size to compare it to his own, you know, just all kinds of just crazy shit that people do when they obsess about an ex. He's got better posture than he does. He's a new guy who has much better posture than Maddox.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Let me see. So 25,000, I think now that I'm in shape, now that I'm the most fit podcaster in the world without going too crazy about it, because there's a key distinction. There is, because some people have podcasts only on that.

You can't count those people. You gotta count everyday people. It's like, all right, you're a fit guy. I'm just a regular guy who is in very in shape without going too far with this. So I'm the most fit podcaster. Well, they've got some balance in life. Well, you know, without just going to nuts with fitness. That I'm the most fit by casting some balance in life. Well, you know, without just going two nuts with fitness.

That's what I mean, yeah. Yeah, they have balanced lives too, but I'm just, well, I don't know, if you're eight hours a day in the gym, I don't, I mean, that's like a work day. You know, even if they just are more fit, it's just, that's a little bit too far. So you're the line.

Yes. Anybody more fit than you is an extremist doing it too much. That's it's too much fitness. This is the most fit you can be without going too far. Got it. Now that I'm subject to a little movement here and there. Right. Yeah. It's it's not there's not

there's very few absolutes in life. So it's a probably a good philosophy to take when you're talking about being the bar, you know, for fit podcasters, which I am, which is the authority on being the most fit podcaster without going too far. That's what I'm going to, that's how I will identify you from now on. So because of that, I'm going to throw, I'm going to go all in with the $25,000 silly pants skating routine.

America only touring comedian and the most, don't the most fit podcaster without going too far. I thought it was a good show. I did too. I had a lot of fun actually. It was fun that after party was fun. Going back to the thing where the one guy told Tanner to pay his bill and get the fuck out.

When we introduced, remember the guy we were introduced to, like when we walked in, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was tending bar and stuff, and I had mentioned, you know, we were talking about the city and stuff, and I said, I was here like, you know, 20 years ago with my former brother in law. He's like, oh, yeah, he's from here.

I said, well, he's from, he's from St. Louis Park, and he's like, oh, St. Jewish Park. Just like, right out like that, dude. Oh, like, dude, it's every fucking time, every fucking show, the security, the bouncers, the cops, then the mail bartenders are like, yeah, that was great. Even when the guy in the front row threw up three times in the trash can. Clay's fucking Swiss cheese mine. Clay early is running around the theater, taking people's clothes off and throwing them on the stage. Oh, he even glasses on the stage and through the, yeah.

Yeah, he tried to break, I don't know, we had that, let's talk about suicide thing during the show. But when Clay tried to break an egg on my head, I said, you know what, maybe give a, let's take back everything we said about it. Giving it a second thought of the show, Clay, you motherfucker. Yeah, okay. Wait, wasn't he doing that at the, at the, at the suite? Or was it? Yeah.

Clay's reaction to acid is to just smash eggs on his own head and everyone else is at. Mm-hmm. Uh, Tanner was ready to punch him. He, he should have. Yeah. And even after all that chaos, theouncer's the bouncer's in the security always love it but i always get a you know i it's a

smile that turned upside down from all of the women working there not to call any out specifically because i don't know they just want to go home and get on with their lives i always get i always get the sneaking suspicion that i've fucked up in some way. I say I Get a weird feeling Afterwards that I did not have before the show every time and it's I can feel it Things are just a little bit icey. Yeah, yeah, and I know it was gonna be about that Here's your check get the hell out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Highlights. Great venue.

It was beautiful venue. I mean, I think the coolest one we've played. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the look of it and the, it was great. Yeah, cripple Jesus was the big winner. He was. Of course everybody knows. Right, because he managed to actually do a rage.

I got the best view of him looking right down as he's screaming about, that's right, I know. I know. I know, like how's the weather right down as he's screaming about. That's right. I know. I know. Like, how's the weather down there? Yeah, for him. Fuck you. That's how the weather is. I have never seen it.

That's right, everybody's just lost their shit. I saw a high and lows from him when he was getting a lap dance. When he was getting his first lap dance at the strip club that they had to carry him up to the second level for, uh, for spontaneous. He got, yeah. He got moved up and down stairs a lot. Yeah, a lot of people got to work out. Not me, of course, because that, uh, that's what makes me a rage this week is that if I would give any amount of money, I would give anything I would sell my soul. I would sell other people's soul. there is no length to the, there's no depth of to the depravity I would not sink

to get rid of this pain in my fucking back. Oh, how did you, do you know what, what prompted it? I tried to do a squat. Oh, so you, there was a thing, so you just wake up and at our age, sometimes you're just like, why can I not move my neck to the right?

I would give anything to switch bodies with a 17 year old, and they would say, what were the 17 year old's gonna give your body? I don't give a fuck what you do with the guy. Put me in there. I need it. I'll do anything for it. I made the horrible mistake of bending over one time.

Boom! Stuck with it forever. Never do that. I've mastered the art of the toe pickup. I can pick up about anything with my toes. I could do a squat, you said? I think so. Did you just fucking just, you're taking a walk, wasn't it?

I got a wild hair at my ass that I'm so in shape now that I can start doing leg day again. And what do you know? God, the God of Arm Day, reached down from the heavens and cracked me, gave me a karate chop right in the back with his huge muscular arms. You should know better. The God of Leg Day wheeled down from heaven

and chopped me across the back, and I can't fucking move. I sweat like a pedophile in church now all the time because my back hurts so fucking bad. And if one person gave me an out, I would take it, no matter what it took. Is this since you've gotten home? And this has been for, this has been for a week. You know what?

Here's the worst part. It was the day before it was on Monday last week. I did a, I did a deadlift and new immediately. Ah, fuck. Oh no shit. There it is. And you know it's gonna be worse the next day. That numb feeling, deep in your body,

where you're just saying, oh, well, there you go. Right, like a soul. There was the last piece of my soul that just died because of that fucking deadlift. Right. And I've got a system of cables wrapped around my hips That's why I that pose that I showed it in the show when I was standing with Veronica That actually makes a lot of sense. And I'm sticking my ass out like this because I'm

Stapped into a yoke. I can't straighten my fucking body out and the whole time I'm thinking this is the pinnacle of evolution This I'm dead in the wild because of one fucking squat. Well, you know, I mean, yeah, not in our physical primes, unfortunately, fucking wear and tear, man, it's a real thing. Take every muscle, I'll try anything, time, massage, miracle, cure, faith, healers,

rub and tear, all the rub and tug, I've been jerked off so many times. I repracted everything, stretching it out, everything I fucking, I'll fucking try a chiropractor and I sit there and nod because it fucking hurts so much. Anything and take the stem cells, suck them right out of a womb and put them in my fucking back. I don't care what it takes. Try anything, anything. Whatever Clay is back, I don't care what it takes, try anything, anything.

Yeah, yeah. Whatever Clay is having, I'll have that, maybe not enough eggs in your diet. The worst part is it happened before the, before 80s girls car was stolen. Yeah, I know I told that, I told that on the, at the show a little bit. Yeah. But it's still, it's still bugging the hell out of me. I can't believe somebody came up or guys came up in this neighborhood and did it. Neither did the cops. They didn't believe in the business.

Yeah, because they didn't believe it either. Yeah. Well, it's because it's like shitsville down below. But like trouble stays down the hill. This always has been a nice neighborhood and always probably will be in a, I mean, the former mayor has a I mean the former mayor has a house around the corner. It is here's what makes it so here's what makes me rage so much about a first of all I was

writing the right up for the show is I do on Tuesday. Yeah. And 80s girl goes to she goes to Pilates comes back in a second later and says oh my car's been stolen. I said okay anything to get out of exercise. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Still funny.

It is funny. It is funny. Uh, and then I put it on the right up. Oh, and 80s girls car just got stolen. So I'm posting this now. Before you even go out and, you know, yeah, all right, stolen. I gotta go take care of this.

Right. And nobody pointed it out. So not, number one, I know nobody reads the right ups, which pisses me off, because I put a lot of, I'm always proud of them, probably more proud than I should be to write the write-ups along with the episode. Oh, well, fuck, right. Nobody spotted that one. People can find, people can find a guy with coincidentally my same name who drunk-drived and killed the pedestrian in the middle of Pakistan on an AP microfish newswire from 20 years ago. How many people got it went, got it must be him.

He killed a pedestrian while drunk driving. Yeah, somebody, somebody who's arguing with me on Reddit this week that I don't know my own age because they found a guy with my name who killed somebody to drunk driving accident. I mean, it's not me. I know that it's not me, he's right, fucking me. Oh yeah, how do you prove it?

Stop it, just stop. So a car gets stolen and I'm trying to console her whether it sucks to be, sucks to have your car raped. Totally, which is like basically what it is. It's car rape. Exactly.

It's house rape, you know? You gotta go, and then you gotta go through, if they do, they just break into your car, you gotta go through and like touch all your come-to-and-stuff that they sorted through. I got my car broken into ones. Yeah. Years ago, that green truck that I had,

they just jacked the stereo, took off, they didn't fucking even break anything. I had my car broken into so many times, in my early 20s, I just left it on locks. There's nothing in here. Well, because the truck you had, right? You could just open the back windows on those fords. You could just put pressure on them and it would just collapse. Yeah, it was no problem. The first time they, the first time they broke in, they just stole a bunch of, they stole a bunch of fast food wrappers because of such a

slob I would just eat on the road and then throw in the passenger seat. What do they think they were getting? I don't know. I don't know. So they basically cleaned out your truck. Yeah. It was nice of them, but this time, it's not my car. Oh, man.

I know she doesn't have anything nice in there, but fuck, this is like not only is the, most people, for some people don't know, not only do you not have a car, but then you still have to keep paying it off. If it's not, if you're not done paying it off, that part doesn't magically go away, right? Yeah.

I'm thinking, oh man, this is two days before the show, this sucks, blah, blah, blah, blah, but in the back of my mind,'m thinking you gotta be fucking kidding me You gotta be fucking kidding me that people came onto my property Yeah, oh yeah and stole my shit and me the weakest sleeper on the fucking planet a lighter sleeper than Smog from the hobbit. Yes. Slept through it because I was on drugs for my fucking back. Yeah.

You gotta be fucking kidding me, the one night, and I'm got, I mean, I've got that scene from American history x playing in my mind like that look of intense satisfaction when it goes down and I'm not saying this in a rac tinshtway at all, but just that beautiful justified murder that we need, that we need, that we all know we need, so much that it's that God had to forbid it. Yeah, it's like a, and God, God made a deal with us by the way, not just don't murder, don't murder ever. He's like, well, no murder, but an eye for an eye too. So many murders, then definitely you could murder them. So otherwise, otherwise we were bringing God down.

No murder at all. No, no, come here. Well, that's it, that's all, no, we need it. We need it, we need it. Not to get off on a tangent, but the eye for an eye thing, I think is misunderstood by a lot of people, where it's because, it's like the three stooages, that's what they're talking about.

If somebody pokes you in your eyes, then you poke them in their eyes. They're just saying, like, fair is fair, because what would happen in some, like biblical times, for instance, if you put out somebody's eye, that person may be killed. They're saying, like, no, that's extreme.

So it's like, no, only an I. Do people not understand that? Well, no, because no, people think it's mitigatory. It's not vengeful in that way. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying.

So, I mean, it's all, I got multiple camera angles up there. Yeah, multiple camera angles. This is a dream, this is a dream production. It's like the front of my house is just set up for me to hear anybody, and you have to understand this is gonna sound a little bit gay, but I'm gonna say it anyway.

I know 80s girls car because I work out of the home every day and she leaves early and comes home late from school. I know the sound of her fucking engine. Of course you do. Like a dog. Of course you do. Of course you do. Of course you do.

From a mile away, I know the door locks, I could pick it out of a sound lineup. If you just played white noise and buried it in there, like the fucking cryptanomacom, I could pull it out instantly every time, bam, it's right there, bam, it's right there. There's her first gear, there's her second gear. There's her getting out of the car.

There's the shocks of her car. She's getting out of the car. There's one fucking time. I'm loaded up because of the pain in my back. You're in a fucking comatose state. I don't hear it. Multiple camera angles, Sean. Multiple camera angles.

I have a, look at this beautiful gun I have right here. I know. With bullets right on it. No children, so nothing is locked up. Right. But Dildo right here. I have, I mean, I have, I have a, well, you put that down. I have a fantasy assortment of weapons here.

You know, you could fucking club this shit out of somebody with that thing. I know. Yeah. I have a, both are cocked. I mean, this is, this is the front page of the LA Times. Local man, local Trump supporter, defends teachers car from thugs at 3.30 in the morning. And it's just me, sir, can you put the dildo down? No.

By dildo whipping. Yeah. Exactly. By dildo whipping, by holding two criminals at bay with his, I've good trigger discipline. It's not on the trigger. I'm holding my gun and this, excuse me, I kind of pointed out you there. So are you. Yeah, you know better.

Holding them down with the gun and then beating them senseless with the wigglyest dildo in the world. Yeah. Excuse me. Let me put these back. Excuse me. It's not loaded. That was the, that was the final words of the first guitar player for Chicago.

I don't worry, it's not. Yeah, it was at a party. Yeah, Terry Kath. Yeah, he was in his garage, showing some people stuff and he, you know, was fucking around. He says, don't worry, it's not loaded. Bam! That was Tuesday.

Good time. So the cops come. Yeah. Oh, you have a 30 system. Let's see the video. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait first though. Yeah. Now, you showed a still of this in Minnesota. Yeah, but here's the whole thing. Well, that didn't work. That's it. I'm just going to kill myself. Wait, pull up the poster. Let's talk about suicide. And that poster is still tripping me out, but it is actually, it's trippy.

Have you been thinking about it? Well, yeah, a little bit. I'm going to put it up on screen. Yeah. But you're still going to talk about the car, too, right? Yeah, I'm going to still, I'm going to find, I'm going to figure out how to do the thing. This is what I pulled up. I saw the car is here. Yes. Yeah. The car is fine. Sorry, I let the car out of the bag. I don't want to fuck with people. The car is fine.

I'm going to find, I'm going to find a way to play that video in a second, but this is the, this is the flyer that's been tripping me out everywhere in the LAX airport, everywhere in LAX is blanketed with a PSA that says in huge like letters you would, the style of font that you would read on a 13 year old girl's notebook. Yeah. Like, oh, you know what? I think it's the same font as 15 in pregnant on MTV, which makes it even weirder for me. And it says in gigantic childlike letters on a flowery pink background, lavender background, in big white letters, let's talk about suicide. And that's it.

Yeah. And I'm going to have some smaller type and a little block down below. But there's some block type that looks like it's having the most fun in its life. It looks like it's, it's, it's like set for a tee. It's a little like, or a little like film marketing for this subject. This is a prosuicide advertisement.

It looks like it. It is a prosuicide advertisement. And nothing in the world can convince me otherwise. A prosuicide advertisement would look identical to this in every single way. Like we said, let's talk about suicide. Let's see what suicide can do for you. Ask your doctor if suicide is right for you.

Ask. You know, as side effects may include zero pulse rate, satellite, satellite, yeah. Satellite radiation contagious. Be calm, be calm and help. Help that I can't even, I can't even read it. The type layout makes me so excited. I know you're having second thoughts about killing yourself, but I really think you

will be glad if you let's talk about. So it was meanwhile in Minneapolis, as you're walking through the entire airport is full of propaganda about how beneficial the airport is to the community and The state is a whole like how nice it is to be Minnesota. It's the nice state The airport is responsible for all these fucking jobs like 10 billion dollars of guys. I got off the plane In Minnesota. He's literally just standing there in like a green vest. He's like, can I help anybody? Anybody need help? Yeah, anybody, I'm like, oh my God. Well, in LA, we have signs to do it for you

and the help that is coming your way is kill yourself. Have you thought about it? Have you been thinking about it all day? Rather than deal with TSA, that sounds like the more proper option. It does, it does, because it's that the lowest part, it's like as though they had this sign on the exit of Planned Parenthood.

Let's talk about not on the way going in, but on the way going out. They've got this all over the fucking airboard. And by the way, they don't have anyone you can talk to about it. They just say, let's talk about it. And then what is it said to reach out? It's just a fucking hashtag. What does it say like a ask yourself? I can't read it. And then what is it? Reach out. It's just a fucking hashtag. What does it say like a ask yourself? I can't read it. Is that advice for people who are, you know, friends or family members of the

person who's talking about it? Are they saying let them know you care? Let them know that they aren't alone. Be calm and non-judgmental. Follow up. So it's just telling other people to talk to you of install life. It's okay, good. Yeah, good, good. I'll try you tomorrow. Hang on, probably in the evening,

I got something through lunch. Hey, Phil and Susadle, oh yeah. Could you thank me for reaching out and not being judgmental? I saw a fucking poster in the airport that told me I could get off by doing this. I'm a little wack off, little tone deaf. Yeah, yeah, you tell me, you can,

you tell me when I'm being not judgmental enough to come. Go, tell me how, go, go, go, go, go, go. Tell me how I saved your fucking life. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's still bothering me, I guess you could say. Okay, let me try to, let me try to pull up this video. I've also got something about reparations. Don't know. You know what really makes me a rage this week? Reparations, okay. You know what, I'll reparations. You know what really makes me

rage this week? Reparations, okay. You know I'll tell you something that really really makes me rage. The auto play thing on Netflix and Amazon and Hulu like overnight these motherfuckers decided to auto play all their shit such that scrolling through movies which used to be like a relaxing thing that you did on your own time. Now feels like you're trying to beat off before your mom comes home early from work. Like, that you know how much buffering time you have

before this whatever dog shit, the green lid on any of these platforms. Starts itself back up, starts itself and playing a trailer that was crafted for no one. Because you're just gonna watch it if somewhat, like you're just gonna watch it because you're bored. And you have nothing else to do. You have a limited amount of time

before that buffering kicks in and it starts playing. So you have to read fast, which I already hate fucking doing, and get to the new one, like a race before it starts playing. So you have to read fast, which I already hate fucking doing and get to the new one, like a race before it starts playing. It's so fucking frustrating. I know, no, it's bullshit. It is frustrating. You want to bet this won't work? Yep, of course not.

Whoops, there was a problem. Yeah, sorry. Talk to someone about suicide. Talk to someone about, I don't have permission to authorize that page. What the fuck? Great, great, thanks don't have permission to authorize that. That's great. What the fuck? Great, great, thanks.

Okay, it's working. Yes. All right, Sean. So this is my house. This is my front yard at 3.30 in the morning. Yeah. Um, that's 80s girls car. This is 80s girls car parked in the driveway because we're Mexicans.

We want to show off our Mexican pride. Uh, here is, here is the first trip of when they light up her security system inside of a car. You see the lights go on? Yeah. So that's I guess them identifying it. And then here they come walking up. Here they come walking up and you tell me

how tall you think these guys are. Okay. Look at that guy. Oh shit. Look at the, guys are. Okay. Look at that. Oh, shit. Look at the, I even went out. Look at the length of his gate. I even fucking went out. I'm going to and man. I'm pretty like you wanted to see the story.

I wanted to see how tall he was. Yeah. There. This is how tall this guy is. I just wanted to know. Wow. I wanted to know how it would have felt to be towering over him. I would have fucked him. and there's him and his buddy

Yeah, buddy's about the same size with the stupid little headband that he's got for all the car rape that he's committing in there sorting Sorting through a bunch of no doubt CVs to see what he could steal from and sell to God They end up taking one dress which if I find the bitch who's wearing that dress around town I'm gonna grab her by the hair and kick the shit out of her until she tells me who gave it to her. Right. Look at the size of this guy. Circus midgets, circus midgets, I swear. Uh. I know. Oh my god, dude, that's like...

You could literally grab that guy by the legs and beat the fuck out of him with himself. I would grab one by the leg and swing him around and kick the shit out of the other guy with him. Yeah. God. I'll play a little bit more. They have to tag team to drive. There's the other guy, just mosing up,

mosing up to my fucking car, to my girlfriend's car. Look at that, like it was. Like it was nothing. He barely had to duck to get in. I know, they make that car look big. Yeah. Oh, and there it goes. There she goes.

Oh, wait. Why didn't he just drive forward? Is your truck there? There's a rock. There's a rock in the road. If you drive forward, you hit the neighbor's fence. Oh, but you got to pull out onto the road. Oh, I see.

Here's the best part. The cops come over. I pull up the security camera. The cops immediately says, oh, you parked in the sidewalk. Yeah, you want to you want to start? Okay. I'll take a report here. You go ahead and start writing up a start writing the ticket. Yeah, your car wouldn't have been stolen if it was in the screen on the fucking sidewalk. And I'm sitting there. It's why we need it. Because they're idiots. And it's not the slide. It's your fucking front yard.

It's not a sidewalk. No, it's not. It's not a side. Yeah, you know what? Go here. Here. Just tell me when to stop. I'm already paying for a new fucking guard.

Tell me when to stop. They brought six of them over and they said, well, usually they ditch it, so we'll go look for it around the neighborhood. Yeah, yeah. We left to go get lunch and a little bit. And then they said, if you find it anywhere, don't get in it because our cars read license plates automatically. Yeah, yeah, great. Which I didn't even know of. That's fucked up, dude. Auto car reading license plates to pull you over. Yeah, we have no fucking way. We have no, our civil liberties are just fucking gone. Gone, dude.

Gone. People don't even have to catch you doing anything anymore. It's all automated. Yeah, and so much so that if you get pulled over and say, no, this is my car, I reported stolen. They don't have a policy for that. They don't have a protocol for that. So if you see it, just let it sit there. Well, that's not really, I have a policy for that. They don't have a protocol for that. So if you see it, just let it sit there.

Well, that's not really, I have a protocol that doesn't allow me to do that. So I'll just go ahead and risk it. We get in the car to go to lunch, drive 100 feet away. Say, it wouldn't be funny if we just saw it, driving down the hill. Why didn't they see it? Good question.

Yeah, they drove right, yeah. Good fucking question. So now it's nice as they were. I'm maybe the license plate scanner wasn't working. What was even, what is even the point of the police? What was the point of all of this wasted time and effort over a crime of $80? What the fuck was the point?

Yeah, I don't know. I waited up. So it was literally on the street, literally, like down on the corner, where it'd feed away. They whipped it around for some reason, went to the other end of the street, but I stayed up all the next night, I couldn't sleep.

I think about it at night and I can't fucking sleep. I just stayed lay there with one eye open now, like a fucking dragon waiting for that light to click on outside. Wait for that fucking, waiting for that hobbit to jingle those coins. Stingolas fucking going, man, I'm gonna go to Home Depot and get some noisy rocks

to put out front, because I can't build booby traps, which is what I wanna do. They, yeah, right, that's probably illegal. Oh, the cop also had too much fun. He said, whatever you do, don't get a steering wheel club, get a pedal club, because those steering wheel clubs are the more garbage. Yeah, no, no, no.

But the pedal clubs do. So now, poor 80s girl has to sleep with a giant contraption because presumably they have a key fob and it costs $800 to change your fucking car locks so that they just have it forever now. It's just a bus for criminals parked in front of the fucking house.

Yeah, right. Maybe I'll just fill the back with treasure and gold and jewels to try to trick them into coming around. Right, so you go. Here's, and also, our working theory on how they have the keys is that one of the dumpster diving fucks that goes through recycling grabbed her keys out of it, which she threw her keys away a week ago.

We found, I managed to track, we managed to track that down on the video. Here's your keys, throw them on the ground, pick them up, throw them in the trash, comes actually our frantically looking for the keys. Working theory is one of the goddamn dumpster divers found her keys and then somehow sold them to these guys who came back and used them to get into a car.

I'm missing the part about throwing the keys away. A's girl threw her keys away in accident. Oh, okay, I was gonna say. Three keys away. One of those motherfuckers who I always feel bad about must have found them, sold them or gave them to two other lilapputions who came up just to steal her car.

Yeah. So now, the next, now I have to, every time I see one of those guys, I'm gonna shake them down. Hey, did you find any fucking keys in my house, man? And cost me like a thousand bucks to re-key a fucking car that I don't own. Give up your boss. Give up your boss, I want names.

They're all in the same networked. They're all in the same. I don't know if it's funny anymore, but it's driving me fucking insane. Just the fact that one has to steer and the other one has to push the pedals to get it to. And that's probably why they couldn't get more than 200 feet. They're like, oh, fuck this.

Let's steal a mini. Yeah. Here's what else I got. McAfee's calling a little bit. Daniela said he'd come in this week. We do show before Burning Man. That's cool. I like to talk to him in person.

Yeah. Me too. He's posting pictures with guns right now. Oh boy. United States for the first time. Oh right, right, right. Let's see, red meat tax. I read about that.

Yang, Yang, Yang tweeted that he was in a shipping container apartment in Las Vegas. The cost only $30,000 and was downright appealing. Yeah. Did you see anything about that? No, here's the clincher. There are things we can do to make housing more affordable for many Americans. Live in something that isn't a house. Live in a garbage can.

Yeah. That's the great, that's the great millennial hope. Yeah. Is a guy who wants you to live in a fucking garbage can and I got so pissed up, my heart broke for millennials who are being told by... That this is fine. This is living up garbage can and eat bugs.

Yeah, it's cool, it's the new American dream. Why would you want a, as though the price of the wood of the house is what makes it expensive? Right. Ah, yeah. Look, you don't want all this wood. The price of the wood of the house is what makes it expensive. Right. Yeah. Look, you don't want all this wood. Wood is like for grandpa's have wood.

You want a nice, a ton of the sleek garbage can from that spent 10 years on the red sea, shipping dildos in from China and is now too rusty to function or trafficking human trafficking in the country. Yeah. I saw no shit. I saw multiple when it's not saying let's talk about suicide at the L.A. airport, the

alternative slide, the B side that goes back and forth to is keep your eye out for human trafficking. I'm thinking. Yeah. So what am I supposed to be looking for? When I see human trafficking occur, where am I supposed to, what do I do? Tell me what to do, keep an eye out. Here's some things you'll look for, no eye contact.

Well, that's every woman in my entire life I've ever run across. So, apparently there's been a lot of prostitution smuggling happening right in front of my nose. Who knew? Who knew? There were no ethnic characteristics detailed on the sign. Although, that's probably important.

Yeah. Let's talk about suicide. Beware of all the human trafficking that you're missing. Right in front of your nose. But we're too PC to You know, so state which countries, you know do it a lot that kind of stuff Should I be looking for if I had to put out an APB for these human traffickers? How would I describe them? They don't make eye contact. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay

I'll be on the I'll be on the lookout for for young women who don't want to make eye contact with me. I used to work with a black guy who was an engineer and we were joking about that one day where it's like, he's like, why don't it's an it's the easiest way to identify someone if you're talking about my friend. You met my friend, blah blah blah whatever. He's like, oh yeah, no, kind of tall. Have the red sweater on. It's just like, he's like, just say,

no, you know, the black guy I was talking to. He can't swim. He wasn't very good at hockey, dogs, I'm like, I'm right away. Oh, funny. Oh yeah, all those things. He's like, yeah, he's like, I do the same thing if it was like an all black part.

It's like, you know, my buddy, like the, no, like the white guy I was talking to, what the fuck, like this, but people are even a little shy about that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you can't, what was I, what the hell was I talking about? The human trafficking. Oh, yeah, living in a garbage can.

Yes. That's the future because houses, you see, and then you go on and see these people agreeing with you, like, oh, yeah, living, shipping containers, great, you could stack them. You could stack them. No reason to stay under. It's fucking, they're posting hell. They're posting a stacked cubicle. They're posting stacked containers of human beings stacked on top of each other for

no reason. It doesn't matter. Absolutely no reason. Because with the, you know, VR and everything, people are just, they're not gonna care what they live in because they're just never gonna leave their fucking house and spend all day in VR. It's so unappealing that it's so unappealing

that even the best promotional shot looks like living and looks like living in an equatorated hell. Yeah, looks like what it is. And you know, it's much worse. Yeah. You know, much, much worse than that. I don't know why, while I do know why it pissed me off so much to see that fucking asshole saying, they know he's so cute and trying to outthink life in general

as everyone is instead of just saying what the truth of it is which is our monetary system fucked you over. Kill, find a boomer and kill them, find a boomer, and take all the shit now because that's your shit. They took it. They've been taking a little bit for a long time. And it's been, it's the most, the compound interest of what they've been thieving from you. For since the day you were fucking born, and even before that,

has culminated in a future trajectory where you live in a stacked garbage can. Never fuck. Never feel anything real on your dick and eat bugs. So find, claw your way out of it as quickly as possible. Yeah, bump your parents off for the life insurance policy is on what Dick is figuratively saying. In Minecraft. Let me see what else I got here.

Before John McVease calling in. Living a trash can. Yeah. We got all these nice shipping containers. We're gonna sell you. Yeah. Oh, why? Because they're affordable. Oscar is.

Oscar is your Jesus now. What was not affordable about using materials that grow out of the fucking ground? What? Do we run out of trees? Look, if you're in Southern California, it's not uncommon for the land to be 90% of the value in real estate. Yeah. You know, it's, it's not like that in all of the country, of course, but like the, in Southern California, the value is all in the land. The value that they tell you about, yeah, is in the land. Yeah. It's all in the loan is what I'm saying.

For 50% of the value is in the bogus loans that they write so that they can make more money. Oh yeah, here you go. Here you go, more loans, more loans, more loans. Now we're gonna sell this money. We're gonna sell this money so we can get more money in to get that out of the way. Yeah, so on the second half we make it.

And then yeah, that's where the money is. Yeah. It's not to fucking wood. No, not even the fucking land. Well, I mean to you, like I the, you know, are you saying that's inflated because of the loans? It's inflated because of the loan. That makes sense.

It's inflated because the loans are based on nothing. I'm saying that if it was tied to cost of living, houses were just tied to the cost of living in the house, then they would be like half of the house. Oh, yes, yes, yes, absolutely. And that yang suggestion that it's that the fucking wood in California is no, that's pricier than the wood in Nebraska for some reason. No, I think the national builders, they builders, they don't care where they get, I mean, they find the best price on,

so what would be the kind of living in garbage cans? Why do you have to use locally grown wood? Like they're not allowed to ship wood across state lines or something? Yeah, that doesn't seem right. We're being facetious because obviously, it's just, it's the me,

it's the advertisement that's being sold to people that drives me crazy. It's like, okay, here's a, here's a quality, here's a advertisement that's being sold to people that drives me crazy. It's like, okay, here's a quality, here's a life that is unsuitable for me. And I'm talking about them. Don't piss on me and tell me it's raining. Exactly. Well, you know, we fucked up your future,

so you gotta live in garbage cans, just say it. Don't try to, just say it up. Don't try to, yeah, don't try to sell me on it. All right, here we go. There, yeah we go. There. Yeah, there. He was probably trying to call you. Never works when I call Mr. McAfee.

Are you there, sir? Hey, are you doing? I said, great. You sound fantastic. Oh, there. I had to say it too soon. Uh, we didn't know where you were going to be. I'm still.

Uh-oh. Oh, what did I do? Oh no. Fantastic. Take time. Oh, Jesus, he's still talking. You're breaking up quite bad. Is it Wi-Fi off on that computer? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you hear us now? I hate doing that. Can you hear us now? I hate doing that. Can you hear us now, game? I know. Do you want to try to put it off another time? I hear you now. Big, big, big, big.

Oh, yeah. I think we're gonna have to, we really can't hear. How's your Wi-Fi situation? Sorry to ask. It's pretty good. I don't know what the deal is here then. Yeah, I'm not sure whether, yeah, we've got, we've got great speeds over here.

Still in Cuba? I don't know. Why don't we put this off for what's the matter? Is it breaking up for you? Just on a other time. I did because I'd hate. No, let's do it.

Let's do it. It's not this. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry about that, but it's just not, it is not loving us today. All right, not a problem, sir. Thank you. Okay.

Thank you. Thank you for giving it a shot. Damn internet. Yeah, man, that's... How's the quality of this call? Non-existence and... What would be even worse is if, for some reason, he found a spot that worked and then we started talking

and getting into something and then it cuts out in the middle of something important and you can't get them back and you're like, oh, fuck. I know, that's terrible. Let me see if this dude will call in then. But Minnesota was fun. Yeah, Minnesota was fantastic. Really, really fun.

And thanks everybody for coming. I didn't even talk about the Maddox tattoo. The Maddox lost tattoo. Oh, God, yeah. If anybody's in the chat and they got stuff they want to talk about from Minnesota, say something in the general room, don't use the other ones.

Did you sign any tits? I signed tits. I signed tits after you. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I think she only asked me because she felt bad that I didn't get to sign them. I think she wanted you to sign them.

Oh, and then I was like a consolation pity. Signed my tits. Okay. I'm pretty sure. I don't think that's just my insecurity talking. I really got caught out in the rain storm. And I saw that the signatures were a little bit smeared, but still totally legible. I was happy about that.

Yeah. Let's see here. Michael King says, I know where Maddox got that fake wallet idea. Many years ago Roger Barr had his internet show, Doc Mox, movie, movie, movie in Mazalini. I remember, yeah. Maddox was a guest on one episode where they watched a video called Senior Power, a self-defense video for elderly people.

One of the tips in the video instructed seniors to carry a fake wallet with fake money in case they got mugged immediately after watching this. Maddox told Roger that fake wallet was a good idea in case you're ever in an area with a lot of pickpockets I don't know, he ripped that idea off, didn't even write it that poor old man Magnus Mcnew just wanted to save lost 45 pounds 35 more to go Thanks for helping me to realize how much it sucks to be fat Cool, man. Yeah, if you hear somebody who loses a lot of weight

They just say like I can't believe that I used to live like that. Yeah, like just how hard it was compared to what they can do now I can bend over in time. I shoes now Sean feels so good dude if my back didn't hurt right right you can't Hey, somebody who drops weight can you could have mad yeah, yeah, yeah, right great Hey dick I'm the guy who said I would lose weight or you would show everyone my dick. Oh, yeah. It's from a little while ago. Yeah, well, things got worse before they got better. I said I started out at 3.45 and wanted to get down

to 200-ish before 2020. Wow. Well, I don't want to make this email too long, but I ballooned up to 3.80. Oh, from what, 345? Yeah, that's a big balloon. Yeah, what? 35 pounds.

You're trying to go the other way, dude. Yeah, well, okay, I gotta know, right. Something happened in your life that caused you to kind of, you know, hometown buffet, two hometown buffet open on the way to his job. So he's gonna stop it both. That's new drive through Dairy Queen. Yeah. Good news is I'm following the Dick formula for success

and puts together a plan that if I just stick to the big picture and don't get bogged down in the little details, yeah, but some details are gonna get you there too. You know what I found? A big picture. Yeah, I'm gonna play, that's just you saying, yeah, I wanna be, I wanna get down to 200 by 2020. But it's like, well, you know, there's a detail

that you have to start something. You have to, you have to not eat certain things. Are you saying I have to have a longer goal? I should be, I know. I should be a hundred pounds by 2025. Yeah, is that the thing that you're saying? The big picture only works if it has some kind of focus. Well, this reminds me, I've been bringing this stupid thing in every week to read because

it's funny. It's called everything you know about obesity is wrong. Yeah. And I went through and pulled out some, obviously, everything you know about obesity is correct. But they're trying to tell you that it's not. Dress it up and yeah. I don't know why. Well, they're trying to do this.

But that's what they're considered shaming So this dude said this quote struck me as really funny this dude It borders on medical malpractice says Andrew not his real name, okay A consultant and musician who's been large his whole life a few years ago on a routine visit Andrews doctor weighed him Announce that he was dangerously overweight and told him to diet and exercise, offering no further specifics. Mel practice. Yeah. It gets better.

Okay. So I feel like, I feel like even some monkeys would have enough information to work with there. Yeah. Not the case for Andrew, the musician. No, no, no. That didn't say what he's plays, by the way. I imagine it's a two-

Probably the tuba. Yes. Very good. Or just a harmonica. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Jay of Blues Traveler. Offering to lose a lot of weight.

He was about to die. I think he might have had a heart attack. Then he lost it all. Offering no further specifics. Should he go on a low fat diet, low carb, become a vegetarian? Should he do CrossFit? Yoga? Should he buy a fucking thigh master?

That's just a bunch of fear in me. That's the guy. Tell me how to do anything. What a fucking piece of shit this guy is. He right there. Oh my God. That's a guy to do anything. What a fucking piece of shit this guy is. Did he write the, oh my god. That's a direct quote. And that's the direct quote from Andrew. And that's the male practice.

What I imagine the actual name is writer of the article. You know, you have shoelaces on those shoes. Well, fuck, what do I do? What the fuck? I supposed to do. Tie him in his slip mat. I'm bow-knotted, double-knotted. Double-knotted? Go wrap it around the tree. Go, does the rabbit go? What the fuck, man? Should I be fucking die master? Some people are just helping us and are never gonna be able to help her.

Go nuts, do all the things, do not shake, wait and bash yourself in the head with it. What do they do? They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her.

They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her. They're not gonna be able to help her, I'm not gonna be able to help them. Go nuts, dude. Do all the things.

Go get the shake, wait and bash yourself in the head with it. Which do they do? Go on it, no car, diet, go on it, no fat diet. Become a vet, no, just don't eat everything you all want all the time all day. Try taking in fewer calories than you burn. They're so fucking frustrating. It's like,

I want to be an alcoholic. Now I don't want to help you. I want to do the same thing as an alcoholic. Well, I mean, what do I drink then? Water, virgin dacaries, odoules? What am I supposed to have fun with people? Just listen to their stories. Try to engage more as a human being.

I mean, what do I even do? Try one of those. try all of those. Try none of those. The whole article is that funny. Good, God, man. If Sonia, here's another one. If Sonia ever forgets that she's fat, the world will remind her.

She has stopped taking the bus, she tells me, because she can sense the gravitation, oh, excuse me, the aggravation of the passengers squeezing past her. Yeah, oh, man, that's big. That's big. Maybe they think she is the bus. Sarah, the tech CEO,

tenses up when anyone brings bagels to a work meeting, which that is really fucking annoying man. You know what? Bagels are donuts. If I worked in an office, I would walk around. I would, you only need to do this one time, like in prison. Somebody brings a cake to work, beggles to work, donuts, you walk over, grab it, throw in the fucking trash.

You say, no. Yeah. Bad. Yeah, then everybody would be like, well, I don't want to spend 15 bucks on a cake just to have that guy throw it away and then go back and eat it greedily out of the trash later. If she reaches for one, are her employees thinking there goes the fat boss? If she doesn't, are they silently congratulating her for showing some restraint? Well, she would have to not do it once. Right.

Right. You know that. Yeah. Do you want to hear more from that art? No, I'll that. Yeah. Do you wanna hear more from that art? No, I'll go back to it. I mean, it's pretty crazy. Should he buy a fucking thigh master? Yeah, like he literally pulled a mid-1980s reference for that. Yeah, exactly.

That's how out of date, I guarantee you, most millennials should have never heard nor seen a thigh master. Should I buy one of those jiggly machines that they're always advertising in and fitness magazines that strap around your back? Good God, man. Yeah, sure, man.

Just get you on your feet. What the fuck? Just go fucking, yeah, don't eat everything and take some walks around the neighborhood once in a while. I keep repeating to myself, just stick to the plan. We're back to the email. No more of that funny guy. Yeah, okay count every calorie Make sure it's less than 2000 intermittent fasting breakfast is a scam fuck that shit true workout three times a week minimum

Yeah, that is minimum no delivery no drive-through no Journal count because You know it's not delivery, it's a journal. So, there's a loophole there. He can eat a lot of pizza. He said no delivery, but it's as good as delivery pizza. That's what they say. I think the delivery, I think chicks are heading

for an obesity cliff with the postmates. Really? And the grub hub, shit, I have this weird sense that it's gonna look like a grub hub. Yeah, I think that's all they use though. Yeah. And we're headed for like a, it's gonna be a bunch of, a bunch of anorexic chicks in the future with diabetes.

Yeah. Living garbage cans, that's the future. Put together a plan for what I'll eat at work at home and execute the plan, grocery stores, cook the food, use the Tupperware's. So he gains like... Don't be a bitch. You got this. He gains like 35 pounds before he goes the other way.

I hope he is going the other way. Yeah, he sent me a chart that says he is going the other way. Okay, since July 15th, I've lost 28 pounds. Pretty good. Good. Since there's no way I can make the deadline now, short of chopping off both my legs. Wait, why? Because he's at 345 or something like that.

Kinses. Kinses. Citerate. Oh, yeah, he can't make the deadline. Since there's no way I can't- It's not in a healthy way at all. I mean, no. It's sort of trying to, I was hoping to go double or nothing

and maybe do something funnier if I don't make it below 300 before the end of the year. Boy, then the goal is to be below two, below, okay. Think about it. No, you go double or nothing. If you can get someone else to send me a picture of their dick and both of your dicks get shown if you don't make it under 300, then I will allow that. Otherwise, I will be showing your dick

to Veronica next time. She comes in. Do you have a dick pick? Yeah. Good lord. They have to agree to that before I do this. Yeah. Whatever you think is funny, I'm down for.

I love this show. Yeah, you have to find yourself an accountability. Oh, that's who will send me a, that's the biggest picture. Yeah, I'm gonna find, you know, tens of thousands of them apparently. Why would somebody, why would somebody agree to put his dick on the line for this guy? Because he believes in him. Well, that's a mistake. It's like how the Roman fail-anks would pair an older guy, any younger guy, if you're having a homosexual

relationship, but they both support each other. Exactly like that. Okay. Then is the gathering winds down, Jessica, and they learn how to lock in shields. Yeah. Send me, you have to send me a picture of your dicks together. So I know that you guys, right. Right. That's just kidding. I'm just kidding about that.

Don't do that. Then is the gathering winds down, Jessica and the other parents divvy up the leftovers. She wraps up burgers or pasta salad or birthday cake. Drives her children home and waits for the moment when they are finally in bed. Then when she's alone, she eats all the leftovers by herself in the dark. This is an article called, everything you know about obesity is wrong. Yeah.

By the way, written by who? Someone who thinks something very different about obesity than I do. Then the medical professionals. Everybody else. Yeah. It's always hidden, she says. What's her name? What was this girl's the writer?

Oh, Fat Moron. Oh, what's her name? It's always hidden, she says, I buy a package of ice cream, then eat it all. Yeah, it's like, that's like what a fucking attic does. Yeah, yeah, that's gonna be my article. Oh, yeah, I bought them. I buy five bottles of wild turkey every week.

And I have it to canter so that people can't tell how much I'm drinking. I don't know what it is. No, you just hide, you just hide them all over the house. Then I have to, then I eat it all. Then I have to go to the store and buy it again. For a week, my family thinks there's a thing of ice cream in the fridge,

but it's actually five different ones. Nobody's confused. I mean, if they're confused, it's because you've told them that and they just don't want to say you're lying to your face. You have to eat it down to a certain level and then when they're all in bed, you have to eat the rest of it and then go get the other one and eat it down to the level of the first one. Yeah, exactly.

So at the end, you're consuming like two gallons of ice cream. Now, here was something interesting from that same thing, the ratio of soda and candy ads seen by black children compared to white children with two to one. I'm sure that's true. Stop watching BET. All right. Uh, Aggie there, man.

I am. I am here. How you doing? How the fuck are you doing? You said was incredible. He left them pounding the floors. Yeah. I mean, I've chanting his name. And Dick, Aggie, Dick looks at me and he goes,

how are we going to match that energy? Yeah, it was funny because when I went up there at first, I was, it was a lot of definitely cold feet kind of combined with frog and the throat combined with the butterflies and the stomach, but after I got into my groove, I was just like balls to the wall and on and on. I just, I didn't really know, because I I was just balls to the wall. I didn't really know, because I kind of looked out on the crowd, and a lot of people didn't really know maybe a whole lot about me

or exactly what I was gonna be doing 100%. I didn't know you'd be doing 100%. But people in any type of art or whatever you want to call it, whether comedy or music or whatever, they respond to commitment. Oh yeah. And that's, if you commit, then people believe you. The guy had a ice bag for a belt. That's commitment, huh?

Yeah, yeah, that was right. Yeah. I thought it was great. I'm shitty at like understanding lyrics, which I always hate. It's a big problem in my life, but everything I did here, I loved. I would hear of, fuck bitches every once in a while.

Yeah, but like this. Some of the beats were great. Like, that's what I mean. Sean was turned to me backstage and goes, I think this guy's actually good. That's what I said. I was like, I don't know anything about you, but I'm listening to everything.

You produced all that stuff, right? And we're listening and we're listening to the whole mix backstage, you and the, you and the beat and just the crowd and everything. I was like, fuck, like this act, this sounds like a real show. Yeah, that's what he said. I think this guy's actually good. Yeah.

Yeah, when it came to the beats, you know, there were certain ones that I worked on and co-produced and everything like that. There was something that I had bought from producers or that they had given me to work with too. So, but as far as the engineering and everything goes, I do all that in my basement right here. I have my microphone on my upside down laundry habit or I record everything and then I play it back to my $10 or whatever.

I had better headphones to kind of broke on me. I'm waiting on getting some new ones right now, but I do it all here. I kind of all self-taughts, just messing around over the last few years. And I started taking it a little more seriously last year. So everything that I had performed as just what I've recorded, that's all been recorded in the last year because I had some other material I'd done previously, but it was more

amateur. So I decided, I'm not going to, I don't want to go with that for my first, really trying to see what I can do. I'm going to try and just bring stuff out that I think will, you know, come through a little better and not so, you know, for that kind of spotlight, you know, so I was like, let's, let's go. That was fucking great. Oh, just as a live performer, I've never seen a, a dick show crowd respond anything like that.

Oh, yeah, they were pumped. Yeah, they were very pumped. Chanting and fucking, they're, they look, did you get, did you get a weird vibe from the people who were working at the venue Aggie. Did you hear somebody the bartender told Tanner to pay his tab and get the fuck out? Well, I heard a little bit of like rumors like through the great vine kind of you know mumbles and stuff like that. Nobody had nobody specifically mentioned anything to me. I think there was a girl that was working there who was like a waitress or something like that or something around the bar. But when I walked up front to make a phone call

after I came up from the back, she said that there was people that were kind of like dancing back there around by the bar or something where there was some room. Like the bartender was kind of like, they were all like everyone was kind of like shuffling around and kind of getting groovy with it. So that's all I personally heard myself.

I mean, you know, the security and everybody like that, they all kind of just generally always look like, you know, nobody security and everybody like that, they all kind of just generally always look like, you know, nobody was really having too much of a smile. Just, but that was from even when I came in, they're all like, seeming kind of like they're real professional and really. The security guy was loving it. I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never had a security guy.

When he had to, when he had to drag the guy who threw up on himself three times, that guy was the coolest guy. Yeah. He was a fucking really cool guy. Yeah. He's like, it was like, I have to do this. Like, like, the fucking guy throws up, throws up, throws up God bless me.

It's the trash can every time by some fucking miracle. And the lights, it's back and well behaved. He sits back and I'm like, buddy, they're gonna, they have to take you out of here. Obviously, and he looks, he looks at me and he goes now. I'm good. Yeah, it's not an option It's not I was secure. No, it's I can't take a chance on you Adjusting more alcohol and dying on there. Yeah, I love again I put on an impromptu accordion duet at the after party after the show

I hope somebody got a girl brought her accordion for me at the after party after the show. I hope somebody got that on site. A girl brought her accordion for me to sign and I know how to play. I was with you everywhere you went. Not for that couple, you leave me alone for a couple of seconds. I get my hand on a woman's accordion, Sean. Was it at the, it was at the first bar? We with the bar, not the party. The after party, the bar, the after party at the bar, the downstairs bar, which is great. Fucking crazy. It was like a cabin, man, it was awesome. I was playing the accord, I was playing the accordion, I ran out of riffs, I throw it

out to eggy, like, you gotta come over here and sing, sing to this accordion backup, and he launched into an improvised, it was like, it was almost operetic. It was beautiful. I don't know, I came up with it all at the top, but it was something like very pubs, I don't know, like a pub tune, like a drinking tune. It was an Irish pub, I used to listen to a lot of drinking music, and I was in college with all of the other normal, whatever, none of us were Irish, we'd listen to all these Irish drinking tunes, because it made us feel cool.

And like it was from Jigs and then like the rock first and the vlogging molly and right. Right, right. Yeah, I know people, I've seen people with phones out. So we definitely, yeah, anybody who hears us that's got that we would like to get that footage out somehow or another. I hope it's there. And I hope no one posts any footage of the Nikolikes. There was one white face one who was so dark that he wanted to look lighter.

And there's one black face one who had to darken himself to look like the Nikol. All right, Aggie, what are you got coming up? The whole thing, your whole performance really made me wanted to put on like a dickapalooza event, like a festival with all the artists. I don't know how I'm going to do it. It would be insane logistics or insane. Timing's insane. Parade of Dix. But it would be fucking awesome. I love the musical component of the show so much and I'm gonna do it, it would be insane, logistics or insane, timings insane. Parade of Dix.

But it would be fucking awesome. I love the musical component of the show so much and I really thank you for doing it. I love that you were nervous. I love that you were nervous for the show, pacing around the stage, marking your territory and getting pumped to the show. It was fucking great, man. Yeah, that was probably, I mean, I got a lot of, you know, very positive reception, but that was one I heard a couple times that really made me feel even better with people like, that was the

first time you've ever done it. I was like, you know, like that. It was the first time anything like that. And I was like, yeah, and they said, man, that was, it was good, but for the first time, like even way more. But yeah, if you ever were to put something together, I would be absolutely 100% on board with getting in on that. Then otherwise, it was, a lot of people kind of saw it, I think, in my followers and so

on. I think they really saw it as a very establishing moment. This weird guy who livestreams out of his basement and does all this stuff, a very like, a lot of like, from that kind of thing and then all of a sudden, now to be like performing like that, it was like kind of a breakout moment almost of sorts. And I've had people who... It's different to being interested in getting these perform at other places now that they know that I'm really about it. So that's pretty cool.

I've been, you know, just talking to a couple of people about that. And I think there's a couple of dickheads who are going to be kind of back. It's kind of in the area. I think there's a certain North Dakota next month. So I might make the trek up yonder and go see what that's all about. But in any case, yeah, it was an absolute banger of a weekend. I don't know for people who don't know that day Saturday. I had just slept on the floor of the Airbnb for about three hours. And that's all I was running on for that. But I came through vodka and energy drink mixture, you know,

potion kind of got me where I needed to be. And so I sailed through the whole night pretty well. I would say, yeah, that's great. I didn't, I don't think we knew if you were, how serious you were either. That was like a sports report. That was a sports. That was a sports reporter question. When we elicit that kind of answer.

It's like, yeah, it's, yeah. Well, you know, I had, I had a rough night, I had a rough sleep and I had to power up in my pregame procedure, which I did. I only got three hours of sleep. And then I fortunately I was able to rise to the moment and, you know, really help the team win. Like a defense. Yeah.

Are we playing good? Just concentrate on the fundamentals. Fundamentals controlled what I can control. Every sport, every sport has a different version of that too. Of course, yeah. Baseball is fundamentals. The ball is execution. The ball is execution.

Right. Baseball is execution too, but I mean, yeah, yeah, no, Baseball is always fundamentals. You don't execute any baseball fundamentals because errors kill you. You got to get hits and fundamentals and football is about execution. Well, but there's a famous, there's a famous quote about the 69 Mets, I think, where the reporter asked the guy, the manager, he said, he said, let's talk about because they made more errors than anybody. He said, let's talk about your team's execution today. And he said, I'm in favor of it. All right, Aggie. You want to plug your stuff and then get out of here. I got to get this other guy on. Right on. So anybody want to follow me on Twitter?

That's my main thing. That's at one egg white. And basically I would say that's the main hub. I post everything YouTube Instagram all that stuff from there, just because I've been through a few channels over the years. So it'd be up on there. If you don't got Twitter, make one, come follow me. And I will get you on.

What I'm doing. So thank you so much, Dick, for having me on. Thank you, Sean, for being awesome And hope you guys have a great rest of your day. Peace out everybody. Yeah, man. It's great. Great show. Great job. Thank you I saw the monkey Jones sex tape. I wanted to tell you Yeah, how somebody showed it to me. Did you know he had one? Yeah, somebody showed it to me at the At the meetup beforehand and I, I was floored by it. I had to get a copy.

I was floored by it. It was very well done. Really? I don't believe that any of this. Very sexy. I will say sexy, arousing, well shot, not creepier, weird. Part of it, Munky is staring into the camera the entire time, which was an odd directional choice. But I feel like it makes you part of the action

so that it's not, a lot of sex tapes are very voyeuristic and make you feel like a creep and like it's dirty and it's something you should not be doing. But the Mumpki looking into the camera, as though he's inviting you in, made it a much more welcoming sex tape, I thought. I've seen, you know, Hulk Hogan sex tape, I would give it three, three out of 10, maybe and left.

Tommy Lee, I was the Pamela Anderson sex tape. Yes. I would give an eight out of 10 to however, it's only because she is so hot and he has such a huge cock. Without those elements, that sex tape would be pathetic, but similarly to the monkey right, what they actually did was not great, right? Yeah. Yeah.

He's just sitting down. There's no engagement. Yeah. She's doing some work, but it is sloppily. Yeah. Not incredible. Not something I would, if it wasn't her, it's not something I, it's not a blowjob that I would trade very much for.

Um, but the monkey sex, hey, it was very erotic. Lulux hot as hell. Everyone who's talk, everyone who's saying that what I'm saying is not true is, is lying to themselves because I, I've seen it. I know porn. I know hot bitches. I'm saying that's a hot bitch to fuck. I don't care.

No, I know. No, I know. I know her, but that is a hot bitch to fuck. I believe you on that. Yeah. Are you serious about the shooting? 100%. I'll show you. You actually like the sex tape.

It was great. I can't tell if that was the driest you have ever been in your life or whether you believe it. Me either. It's like when I started liking two and a half men, I don't really know. I know these things I'm saying out loud. I know that they are true.

And I think that is the same as me liking something. Okay. I'll show it to you. I give it a, I give it a nine out of 10. Wow. That's the highest I will give this thing is. Could never give it a 10 out of 10. Could never give it a, I have 10, could never give it a,

I have made sex tapes that I look at. It's like, this is garbage. What I ever, yeah. Absolutely garbage. And I'm not when I was fat, when I was attractive, I made them. And I know she was hot as hell, but here we've got Munky, who is, he's, I mean, he's, no offense. Well, he doesn't work out. So why would he be offended?

I mean, look, he's just a small guy. All right. He's a wierry small guy. I mean, he's a wierry small guy. So is the girl involved in it? Yeah. A wierry small guy. Yeah, she's a yeah, you know, no, no, I don't want to even joke about it. The shooting is a novel. I've never seen a sex tape filmed in that way. And I was so excited about it. The night before I was joking that I'd played with the show, obviously, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna screen on owned sex tape material

at a venue that I didn't buy in terms for, even though I was contractually required to do so. I'm not doing that. But Munky called me before the show. He's like, Hey, there's some kind of rumor that you're showing the sex tape. You're like, no, no, no, no, no, but it's great. And you should be honestly, you should be proud of it. Is this come back? I don't know. He should put it at only fans.com or whatever the camho, thought thing, whatever the thing is, where you can put up a porno to charge 10 bucks for whatever.

It's that good. I'm just saying it's that good. Everyone's being a hate, if people have seen it and they're shitting on it, then they're being haters. There's just no other way to say it. It's pretty high endorsement. Oh yeah, it's great. Don't make another one.

Never make another one. You can never live up to it. Oh, I got just leave it. Too many sequels get made. Oh, first one's great. That's all the impact. That's all the impact. That's all the impact. That's all the impact. That's all the impact. That's all the impact. That's all's great. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact.

That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact.

That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact.

That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all that's impact. That's all Yes it is. He did when he called me. He sounded nervous. I don't know. I don't know how to sum up. He sounded like, I think you should sound if you know,

I have a sex tape because you know how I'm concerned. Very concerned, but very measured in what he may say or how he may be careful. Probably how I talked to Null the first time he called in like, okay, I don't really know. I don't really know where the fuck it's all done. It's darn weird. I don't know if it's going to bang my shin or if there's Legos on the floor or something is going to rat trap. Take a picture of my cock. Right.

Okay, here we go. You ready? I'm ready. Sean. Yeah. I really wanted to ask McCaffee this one. This is from Jake, this snake. Hey, Dick, I was hoping you could help.

I was hoping you could give me some advice on how I should approach this girl that I like in one of my classes in law school. For reference, I'm six one in about 200 pounds. And she is five one to'2, very specific range. Probably around 140 to 150 pounds. Okay. I don't know, maybe likes it like that.

Each, but each tit is about the size of her head. Oh. All right, well. Wow. That's a, that's a different shape shape than I was thinking. Yeah. So I'm guessing about a G or an H cup. Wow, yeah, that's a good guess.

Wow. We've only briefly spoken to each other a few times before and while I've been better about not throwing spaghetti every time I talk to her, I get the feeling she likes me too. I was thinking of telling her after class at some point that I'd really like to take her out for coffee to talk trademarks. Oh. Here's, can I, I'll just wanna put something in.

Here's my experience. I go ahead. Because my own experience, if you kind of have an inkling that she likes you, she does. She does. She does. Yeah. I would go with that. Just go with it, why would you? Yeah, she does. She does. She does. Yeah. I would go with that.

Just go with it. Why would you? Yeah, I would you not. Before you talk yourself out of it or do something like that, I also would never throw a reason to go out and talk with you because the reason is immediate no. Like, do you want to go out for a coffee to talk about? Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to do that. Right coffee to talk about? Oh, yeah.

No, no, no, no, I don't want to do that. Right. I was already into the first one, but you talked me out of it. Yeah, you're right. I think she'd be down. And if not, it's no big deal. I mean, it's two big deals from the sound of it,

but here's where the problem begins. She's a leftist. Oh, not surprising since law schools are the epicenter for all this SJW bullshit. And I'm fairly conservative. Yeah, I mean, how? This is only a problem because I have a fairly big mouth. Yeah.

You're going to need it for those tits, man, and have difficulty keeping my political thoughts to myself. Well, do us all a favor and learn how to do that. Because the last thing we need is the last thing anyone needs is to know your political opinions. Fairly conservative, good, done. Don't need to hear any more about it for the rest of my fucking life.

For all I know, Sean voted for Hillary. I've never asked, never would care. Yeah, especially when someone's going off their NPC script, also because the state I live in is a two party consent state. Oh, interesting. Meaning that for me to record any conversation, I would need the consent of the other party.

I'm concerned about not, wait, what? What is he, I'm concerned about not being able to take adequate precautions in the possible chance that I get me, too. What are you, what are you talking about? Recording conversations. He's already thinking like, wow, my God, dude, dude. I would, oh, man, I would hate to feel like I had to think like this. Oh, you don't have to think like that.

You don't have to think like that this. Oh, you don't have to think like it. You don't have to think like it. Of course you don't. I'm 27 and still a virgin. This is number two concern. I'm 27 and still avert. You know what is always funny to me about these? Is that the girls just sitting out, sitting there doing nothing and not thinking anything like this.

Yeah. Not knowing that there's just an untangleable goal, Gordian bowl of spaghetti in all of our brains. Before we even ask them out. Yeah. They're thinking about cute cat videos or some shit. I'm 27 and still a virgin. It's a problem for not wanting not not for a want of interest

from the opposite sex, but mostly because until about 25, I was an anti-social dumbass who'd purposefully turn away any girl vaguely interested in me. And because I'm fairly complacent and don't really approach women. I bet it's more complicated than that. But you're already thinking crazy. Like you're crazy.

Yeah, you're not thinking very crazy. You're not thinking right you're thinking You know if you listen to certain channels and and the media and stuff it seems like everyone is getting me to They're not they're not they're totally not most people are not as bat shit crazy as you might think You know why you're not getting me to because you don't have any other one. You're in law school. Start worrying about me to getting me to when you're a partner and a million dollars in the bank. You have literally nothing.

Me too is about. It's a bunch of debt. Probably. It's a bunch of debt. Me too isn't about getting, isn't about punishing guys for being sexually attracted to women, it's about money. It's about taking rich guys money from them because they can't, because women can't

get it any other way. This has caused me to get into my own head. So every day I've gone on has usually ended without anything moving forward. It might just be the broad size talking, but I really want to be in a relationship with this girl. Aaaaaah! Okay, yeah, there's a lot of things that are a little bit weird in this. Sorry, I'm trying to answer a working email or fucking text at the same time.

And I'm concerned about the problem you're turning into a stereos of it. Concerned about the problems I just mentioned, affecting my chances with her, especially the virgin bit. Oh, okay. Yeah, there's a lot of, there's, there's, there's, uh, carts running over horses. There's, like, some paranoia going on. There's, uh, jumping to, uh, yeah, I, I just mentioned affecting, affecting my chances with her, especially the virgin bit.

Apologies for the novella. I mean Just the way that he put that and that it He's probably got some stuff on the ball, but I think just maybe because of just no experience in this there's some You know what you should do. There's some real there's some spaghetti proposed to her You're gonna I there's a 100% chance you'll screw this out. You know what you should do. There's some real, there's some spaghetti proposed to her. You're gonna, there's a 100% chance you'll screw this up. You know what? So just get one out of. Talk about suicide. No, no. Just propose to her. Get it out of your system. Don't, don't. Right. So the next one, you don't feel that, yeah, you don't feel this knee jerk reaction coming on. Yeah, you got

a, you always have to just screw up the first girlfriend and the next one you're like, Oh, yeah, I shouldn't do that because I screwed up. But I wasn't that the truth. Oh, yeah, that isn't that the truth. Always the first girlfriend is always just a crash dummy for the rest of your life. Yeah, you, and then you know exactly how you screwed it up. So you don't feel anything anymore. It's perfect, it's the apologies for the novella, but I would really appreciate you and Sean's advice on how to approach this.

And I'll keep you informed on what happens afterwards. Love the show and go fuck yourself. Dude, I did just, don't ever, just overthinking to a degree that is seldom seen. I mean, no, it's common. Well, I really want a relationship. The only time you ever want a relationship with a girl is when you don't have her. No, I just, I saw this girl getting off the bus the other day.

I really want to marry her. Hi, how you doing? What's your name? Oh, my name is the saw this girl, I saw this girl getting off the bus the other day. I really want to marry her. Hi, how you doing? What's your name? Oh, my name is the most annoying laugh in the world. Wow, I really don't, I really never want to talk to you again. The overthinking is completely rampant, but what he was jumping to seemed very strange to me. Yeah.

The Meetsude part. Don't record conversations. He's already thinking along those lines, I gotta have a contingency plan and have an airtight alibi, so to speak, for the high chance that she me twos me. If I, here's what you make a sexual innuendo at some point. Where's what you have to do?

You have to set up a separate identity. Oh, it's fake. Oh, God. Get a fake socialist. Go look at the obituaries in certain towns. Fake identity wallet. Yeah, go to a town where it wasn't digitized 20 or 30 years ago. Get a social security card from a baby who died.

It probably wasn't recorded. It might not have been recorded in the system. He's dead. Then set up a fake identity, get started getting gas bills and bank accounts in your town and have them record all of the calls while you're around. Right now this guy is getting more depressed. So then if she catches you getting caught, it wasn't you. Yeah. It was another guy. It's definitely the broad-size talking through all of this, but good luck. Good luck.

I think the proposal is, and then if she's into it, you got your relationship, but if she's not, you say, I just kidding. Just kidding about that. Hey, take off, keep it short since you're a busy guy. You had a rant a while ago about discipline being more important than passion. I remember that. Yeah, for men it is. Women love passion, that's why I can't get anything done. How do you actually go about cultivating discipline? How does one, me, stop being a lazy fuck, unrelented,

but here's an oscilloscope of the Dixho theme because I'm not creative enough to make real content, have fun at many piano. Oh, cool. This was sub-buy. How do you go about cultivating discipline, just do something every day, whatever it is. If it's right a bike for 30 minutes, go right a fucking bike for 30 minutes. If it's stacked toilet paper in the middle of your room, do it. I think he's asking how you get in the mindset to even start.

Like, I think he might- I'm saying, do whatever it is that you're gonna do, just make sure you fucking do it. No planning, no matter how pointless it is, just start. No matter how stupid, you know how they call it? I like to just start things. You know how they cultivate discipline in the army? They have you run from here to there

and then run from there to over there all day every day. Stack those bags over there, now take them down and stack them over there. Just like they do in prison. Make your bed to exactly these specifications. How does that make you a more efficient killing machine? Doesn't at all. It's just discipline so that when it comes time to you having to keep your gun cleaned, you did it because you don't even think about how monotonous these repetitive tasks are. You're conditioned to do it. You're conditioned to do it. Every day wake up and do some shit. That's all you got to do. See if anything's. You want to talk to Tanner? Yeah. Hey, Tanner, you want to call in? Hey, but I can tell you how the hell are you, man?

Oh, I'm tired. I'm out of work. You know, the role is just great around here. Is this everybody got laid off? Yeah. Oh, Jesus, that's too bad. Yeah, I've had some employees who just haven't even come to work since last week when they told us that.

The smart ones. Well, I mean, they're going to mess out on the six week severance track if they keep doing this shit. Yeah. Yeah, you want that severance? Yeah, I mean, it's like three grand. Yeah, I'll take that. I think, like, definitely.

Thank you for putting together such an incredible party. Yeah, that was really fun. Well, thanks, guys. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. Yeah, everybody had a great time. And thank you for watching after my girlfriend There, oh, of course the only the only person I can trust her with cripple Jesus brought his mom there and I see guys Swarming in on her. Uh-oh, oh, his mom is his mom is really cute. Yeah, she is no doubt about it

She's really attracted. Yeah, she is. No doubt about it. She is. She's really attracted to her. She really is. She's very young. She's got, she's one who's, she's going to stay very young looking too. Oh, really? Yeah. You have the eye for women who can stay young.

I think so. Give her a look. Is it, give me a thumbs, give me a thumbs up or thumbs down. But then with your other hand, give me the real one, because she'll look at the secret. She'll look at the one you're holding up. Yeah. And then you give me two taps with the other hand or one tap for sure. She was so, I mean, she hung around a bunch of dickheads till like the, the morning.

Sean, she went to a strip club with us. I know why I wasn't there for that. Watch her son get a lap, get his first lap dance and then 10 more. That was going to be like 10 or 15 more lap dances after that. He's CJ got more lap dances than any other dickhead who was there. Yeah. Yeah, he did. So you, you didn't kill Clay early, even though he's by the skin of my fucking gums, I was

this close, I'm a fucking metaphorist, but I, I, I, I mean, I loved the guy. He was there for me in Chicago road rage. He let me say it is place the first night. I mean, I, I've always had a friendly relationship with him, but you can't do the shit that you did on this trip and then expect me to a laugh it off, be pretend like it never happened or a seed don't think that it didn't irreparably change the relationship that we've ever had. Do we need to listen to this? What he did? And you were fucking troll. You can go fuck yourself.

Damn. What do you do? It sounds like what did he do? What did he do? Oh, where do I even fucking begin? Sounds like a lot more than I know. All the shit that I posted in the discord right now is just from Saturday night He was a huge fucking asshole on Friday night too and the number one thing that I can't fucking stand

And this is what makes me a rage this week is yeah, if you're a fucking asshole when you're drunk or when you're high on something That's not other people's fault. That's not other people's problems. That's fucking you and if I after a here one more god damn time Oh, man, you can't be mad at me right now. Like I was drunk last night. Like I was high. Like you just gotta get over it. Like it's totally cool man. And go fuck yourself.

Yeah, that's the opposite. You need to be doubly sorry that you couldn't handle your acid. Yeah, it's not true. A drug that doesn't make you do that. The drug is not making you smashing eggs on your head. The attention-horing is making you smash eggs on your head, which we all know and understand, but you have to admit it.

To that, multiple times throughout the night, he just came up to me, oh, let's just start with Friday. Let me back up. Let's start with Friday. He was a drunk fucking asshole on the back porch. And then when he came, and he tried to climb up on the roof on multiple different occasions. I mean, everyone on the back porch and him,

no one is loud on the fucking roof. I'm not dealing with it. I don't want the liability of any. We have a 20 drunk people here and tomorrow when we have 50 or 60, I don't want people jumping on the roof. You can physically do it, but we're not fucking doing it. Yeah, come on. Just maintain.

Yeah, and then the next fucking morning, it's Saturday morning, and people are kind of hanging out, starting beers, and I'm, but no one realizes is my room overlooks the back porch. I can hear everything, and I can see everything. So what do I do? I look down, and I see Mrs. Rackets, and I see Clay climbing up onto the roof. Mrs. Rockets? Yes, Lady Rockets. Now, Lady Rockets did not know she was not out there the night before. It should not hear me say, not to be up there. So she's in no way a fault for this. The Clay absolutely heard. I specifically told him because he was the one trying to do it the night before. Yeah.

I come down there, all fucking pissed off. I go up there and Lady Rackets is now stuck up on the roof. She can't get back down. And she doesn't call the fire department like a cat in a tree. And a couple of different people are offering offering to try to like help her get down off of the roof. And then I come down there and I'm like, Mrs. Rapids, I can get you. Don't worry about it.

And she just wanted Nick, which I totally understand right because if anyone's going to kill her, she's a lawyer on hand. Yeah. Right. So someone went to go get Nick and eventually got her down and I essentially told Clay, like, fuck off. I told you last night that this isn't okay and you couldn't do this. And now you got other people involved who were not the wiser.

Lady Rockwoods felt awful. She came down to me and it was later. She came up to me and was like, I'm so sorry. I didn't have any idea. I didn't know. And like, it's not your fault. Like, I'm not mad. I'm doubly bad at clay. I'm not a clay I didn't have any idea. I didn't know. Like, it's not your fault, like a math math.

I'm doubly bad at playing. I played. Yeah, played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played.

I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played.

I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played. I played head, then a little bit later, I felt something pressing on the top of me and I kind of crumpled to absorb the impact. Yeah, I don't know why I just do that. And then I look up and I see clay there with a shitty green on his face and a whole egg in my hand.

And I'm like, which, wow, luckily he was unable to crush. Yeah, like I really, I am really fucking pissed off right now. Yeah, yeah, but it's funny. I know that it's funny and that would be really funny if I was high too, but I'm fucking not and I'm tired. And I see in Tanner comes, Tanner comes around the corner and goes, no, outside. Yeah, I got an voice that I've only heard come from my mom and my sister.

Clay, outside now. Yeah, yeah, outside. And then he went out and stood out in the cold with no shirt and jean shorts on for a couple of hours. That's right. Yeah. I think a slow down. I told Clay I said not.

First of all, this was probably the 10 hundredth time that night that I'm told the knock of the fuck off. Yeah. I came up to him and I grabbed him. Yeah. And I said, either go take a fucking shower or go the fuck outside because you're dripping egg and shell all over my fucking house.

Yeah, I got a page for this. I got it all over the couch and then he's watching other people clean it up. He's like standing there going, well, you know, I'm out of control, man. I'm like, yeah, you can be out of control, but on your hands and knees, at least cleaning the shit up, you asshole. Well, and then I threw him out onto the back porch because I was like, I don't even give

a fuck. Like, it's like, go out on the, and then he just stood out there like a serial killer with a shitting green for 30 minutes. And I know for a fact that it was 26 minutes because I was watching on my phone. I was like, I have a thermos that's in 26 minutes because I was watching on my phone. I was like, I have a thermos, that's in, you know, about 30, 45 minutes. He's like 10 pounds, it's not raining,

it's probably cold. It's Minnesota though, so it was like 75 degrees at night, so I'm not too worried about it. And so I just said, fuck it, at 30 minutes, the little timer on my phone on my watch went off and I went out there and I got it.

Put him in time though. I said, if you come back into this fucking house, this cannot happen again. You cannot keep doing this shit. And what happens? He did that egg stunt dick two more times. Wow, for you guys. Wow.

Well done, Goddard. And I cut him, I cut off his alcohol because he kept opening ciders and beers and taking a sip and setting it right on the counter right next to the bar. Right next to where I was and making drinks for people. Yeah. And I told him, go ahead.

I think maybe I think Tanner should get to egg clay. I think that's the only thing that would make this right. He at least deserves like to unload an entire 12 pack of eggs at clay in front of a nice white backdrop and just pelting with eggs. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Would that help you at all?

Would that relieve your anger at all? No, well, I would throw him off the fucking roof. Dick, it got so much worse after you left that you don't even know yet. Like he, once you guys left, I kicked everyone out. I told everyone I liked for us and hey guys, you got like a half an hour and 4 30. I heard that. I heard that. Yeah. And so everyone I liked Forrest and hey guys, you got like a half an hour of 430. I went to the house. I heard that. And so everyone pretty much left it about 430.

They actually listened and I appreciated that. That guy Nate came up to me like 425 and he was like, hey man, my list on the way. But it says it's not going to get here until like 432. I hope that's okay. And I'm like, dude, yeah, like you're trying. I appreciate that. Thank you. Going on the other hand.

So I've got like 445, I go upstairs finally. And I'm like, I'm done with this. I haven't been able to use this fucking jacuzzi all weekend. I'm gonna set a jacuzzi up and I'm gonna soak for half an hour before I go downstairs and finish cleaning and dealing with bullsh. Canner changes into like the outfit that the drug dealer wears in boogie nights? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Silic, come on, oh, roll thing. Yeah. It's really impressive. Mm-hmm. Well, everyone is there. That's right. He was wearing that like the most comfortable person on earth. Yeah. At that point, it's the end of the night on the final night. I'm done. I don't like to

wear clothes anyway. The fact that I have 50 people around means I have to wear something. So I'm going to wear the most comfortable thing that I have to wear. That's not flashing my dick to everyone. It just fits his whole persona though. Like he's just like, yes, what's, you know, welcome to my, welcome to my party. Welcome to my shit show. Watch out for flying eggs. Tanner real quick. Thank you for getting me that sandwich, dude. Tanner just takes one of these, he comes up, he's like, you know what I'm talking to listeners and stuff he knows like you hungry you want anything I'll go okay what kind of sound you want like that it comes back I've got a sandwich like just he was stepped into like a Diego roller something you know well someone's got you I know you guys are I appreciate it

you guys just are upset after a long night I know you guys don't get to do anything but sit at a table and especially for you Sean you were at that table the entire fucking night. Well, I tend to get stuck in a place and that no, it was great. Yeah, you missed the accordion show. I did. I missed the accordion show, but the accordion show was great. I was right behind it, but that was happening. Awesome.

I talked to that girl later too. She got that accordion for like a deal. There's actually a sad story. The guy's grandfather had died and he didn't give him a talk about it and he just wanted weed money. So he should bought it for a hundred bucks off. That sounds pretty good. Yeah, not too many people are multiple generation accordion players Uh, I Loved it. I love that sandwich. I didn't want to I didn't want to get off on a whole sandwich tangent But yeah, I also that sandwich was like life for me

It gave me another it gave me another other because I was at the cigarettes Yeah, it was great. Thank you so much. Here's the thing that I gotta tell you about that sandwich. I Didn't know this until after the fact when I gave it It was full of semen. No, what was it? It's a hundred percent vegan. That was all fake Exactly. What was it? It's 100% vegan. That was all fake meat. I knew it. What?

I knew something was wrong with it. I knew it. I did. I did. Yes, I thought I took a couple bites and like something's not right here. But I was starving. I did enjoy it. I loved it.

That's something was different. Why not? Is it Jimmy or what was it? No, no, no. Yours was Jimmy. Oh, so I got real meat. You got real meat. Oh, okay, I was gonna say because it was fucking amazing.

If that was vegan, no. Okay, I knew something was slightly, there's something about the mouth feel. I'm all about mouth feel. Yeah, something was a miss. I was in the middle of the time when I gave it to you, but I found out later from the person who gave it to me. And then it was all vegan meat. And I was like, oh, I wonder if thick liked it to me. And then it was all vegan meat.

And I was like, oh, I wonder if dick liked it or not. I didn't even know. And now Dick's thinking I'm handing him fake food. And I'm gonna watch everything I give him. Yeah. Put your puts, make sure to get the meat. Make sure to get some meat. Next, I love meat.

I've just keep that. Eat and I don't like it. I liked it anyway. Thank you. Thank you for putting it. Do you got anything that makes you a rage? Yeah, fucking clay when he came up into the Jacuzzi when I finally punched him, it was goddamn chess. He did that. He came up into the he came up into the Jacuzzi and got into the Jacuzzi with me. He wouldn't leave me the fuck alone. Now there's

like fried eggs floating around, right? It's like some of the egg is cooked. And I was so fucking pissed. I was like, dude, I can't even have half an hour to myself. I'm not having that. Yeah, you probably didn't know. Literally, any other person at the party would have been more welcome than Clay and that Jacuzzi had they wanted to come in, right?

He climbed up and... Absolutely. Yes, he climbed into the fucking Jacuzzi. Why? What did he want? Because he wanted to get into the jacuzzi. I don't fucking know. And so I was there with Riley and Bird. Riley's in the jacuzzi, and Bird has

walked away at this point. And I told Clay I was like, if you're going to be in here, at least shut the fuck up. Just shut up so I can have some. That's going a lot. Chaff. And he finally fell asleep. And he was asleep for like 10 minutes. In the jacuzzi.

I make sure I drown even though I'm in thoughts. The inner prop didn't want to bend them over the side of the jacuzzi. Make sure you wouldn't drown. And Riley and I are talking and Clay leans over and goes, can you guys be quiet? And I almost hung the llude, that was so pissed off. It sounds like the most obnoxious man on earth. I can't believe he didn't get his ass kicked. He threw a guy's glasses during the show.

He threw his own shirt. Somebody gave him a shirt to wear. So he threw that shirt. And I think the shirt he threw went and the other guy's puke in the trash can. The guy, when the trash can, the guy immediately threw up under something like that. He was being, I don't always this behave, but when I do, I'm almost a nut just. And he paid for a ticket and he just stuck in. And pay for a fucking ticket either.

He didn't pay for a ticket. He didn't pay for anything for the house. He didn't have a shirt and they were going to come out of the venue. So another dickhead gave him have a shirt and they were gonna get out of the venue. So another dick had gave him their merch shirt that they bought. He then went to the bar afterwards and traded that merch shirt for a different one that bit him better. Jesus Christ. He's like a hippie. If he comes, the next one he comes to, we're all gonna have an egg clay day. Yeah, everybody's get, I'm going to get a gross of eggs.

Right, we're going to hand them out like a wedding. We never wear ever. If you're with them, it's like the jackass thing when they cut the thing in the back of their heads with the clippers, you're just going to come up behind them and go, no, it's just an egg could hit them at any time. We're going to have a good together in a warehouse the day before. Yeah.

And there's going to be tarps all over it and it's gonna be at the egg clay, egg clay meetup. Yeah. I remember one thing that pissed me off though before I go. Okay. When you finally got out of the jacuzzi, kept throwing towels into the jacuzzi. He's doing it. He's doing it. Yeah.

It's the shitiest thing. He's doing all of them. Yeah. And he's like, and he's got this huge serial killer shitting grin on his face the whole time. And I get pissed off and I said, Clay, if you make me come out of this fucking job, I swear to God. Yeah. And he looks over at me, drops another towel inside of the tub, and I finally get out and go. Look at three-year-old.

And I said, Clay, I said, Clay, get the fuck out of it. Like I said, get the fuck out. Go down to the first floor, leave me the fuck alone. And he looks at me dead in the eye serious face and goes well you didn't do anything any of the other 14 other times tonight why do I know yeah okay oh funny I fucking lost it all right Taney thank you thanks for not killing play I guess I mean yeah thanks for everything, buddy. There's going to be a fun one. Have a good night. See you. See you.

All right, bye. Good portana, man. Yeah, crippled Jesus. He really does just want everybody to have a good time. But no, no good deed goes unpunished. Well, because then I mean, you know in your head, you're like, oh, wow, there's a little tense after the last villa experience with Alan and then in your head, you're like, oh, wow, there's little tents after the last villa experience with Alan and then Clay comes and you're like, well, I really, I really wanna fucking strangle you man.

You're making it real hard for me not to grab you by the neck and walk you into the wall by the door. Here's some rope. I know you go to bed. Yeah. Think about what you've done. Oh, God. Yeah, I see it's, it's impossible to not laugh at throwing towels into the kids because it's just, it's such

little kid shit. You're just like, yeah. All right, crippled Jesus. Are you there? Yeah. Congratulations on your big win. Yeah, hi, Cam. Congratulations on having such a high mom, dude. I know. Good, man. I made a joke at the show about how he's just, yeah, hey, Dick launches into it. Yeah, I was just fucking with him. Congratulations on your many lap dances. I think the last time I said, the last thing I said to him was that he should call, you got to call in, you got to call in. Yeah. Yeah.

You had a story, you said in the chat, you had a story. Oh, yeah, yeah. So there was this guy at the bar. He asked to kiss my mom. Now I have a picture here. I want to post it in the general. Didn't she have any, didn't she have any say on it? Yeah, but it's like Victorian England rules. Right. May I kiss your mother? Right. I mean, if she had no say, then I would

have asked Cam. The guy was very polite about it. And my mind took it like a champ. Wasn't mad at him. Which is the guy that wanted to kiss your mom on the picture? Yeah, the guy in the gray hoodie there. That guy. And what was so funny about it to me was he was also the guy buying me free drinks on that. Well, yeah, he was working you for your mom. Wait, he was trying to get you liquored up so he could kiss your mom.

Yeah. Yeah, that was his motive. What I'm pissed about. What I'm pissed about. Drunk by proxy. Thought that I was so cheap, that I would just write them kiss my mom after three drinks. No man, I want an Nintendo I want an Nintendo Switch and a new Roku and some I want some spinners for my chair and then we can talk. Yeah, it's like that. Well, I

might be crippled, but I'm not a fucking idiot. That's how the step, that's how the step dad gets on the kids good side. You know, like it's, right. We got to do some negotiation here, buddy. Yeah. Was your mom into it at all? Um, if she came over to me and he said, yeah, that guy looks like a bunch of brugs who's really in my personal space. So I, he would nice, but I turned them down Because he he was 29 and my mom is 43 so Well, she looks great. I'm not gonna say her and talk about your mom, but you know

I can I can see why guys would want to kiss her. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah Tanner wanted to me before the show or she said, see, Jay, your mom's a baby, you might have to watch out. Did she like the strip club? She said that it was Franny Gwanshan, me put the dowel bill in between the Mexican tricks tips. I gotta thank you for, buddy, because that's been on my bucket list for like a long, I mean, I finally got to do it.

Putting a dollar bill between chicks, tits or a Mexican chicks tits. Just tits in general. That's probably something I wanted to do with the strip club. Oh, I don't know what you said to that guy. It's better than making a club. Oh, it's better than making wish. Oh, to get you in. Yeah, what did you say to that guy? Oh, God. No, no, no, I'm trying to remember. I think I said, I said a thousand bucks to him to get everybody in it, cost a shit load. And I just don't think he wanted to turn you away

because of the chair. Like I had, when we were coming in, I took my idea out because I was, I took my idea out to pass to you so that you could have it to get in because I assumed they weren't gonna ID me because I was paying so much money Yeah, so I had it out and somebody came up to me and asked how we were gonna get you in 1921

Yeah, so I already had it I had mine out to give to him to give to you Then I had I had more money already out to give to the guy if he wasn't gonna fuck with you But as soon as I pulled my idea out he needed out, he needed it to make a charge that big. So I told the guy who asked for it to find you an ID and just throw it in with the others or either give it to you.

I think by the time you get, like that's why I stayed outside. So before everyone got in, I stayed outside specifically so I knew that you got in. I think they either just rushed him. They zerg rushed him with so many people. What happened was, what happened was I used my real ID and he scanned it, kind of gave

me a look and he had a smile on his face and I gave him an affirmative nod and he was helpful. And it was like, go have fun, buddy. It was a moment of racial harmony. He gave me that black guy handshake. Yeah, yeah, kind of comes in with the hug, but it's like a Fuck. Uh huh. Oh, that's good. Was it the fatter black guy that let you in? Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, he was cool. He was the only cool one out of everybody there. The older manager was kind of cool. The shorter manager, the gray-haired guy, but that, I remember that bearded black guy. That's great to hear. I didn't do anything then.

I didn't do shit. He's just a cool dude. It was great, man. I had a wonderful time. Me too. Do you got any other stories? We're going to do some voice now. I can't confirm the story, but I've been talking to a guy in a chat that said he was about to pay the $500. He was about to pay $500 to the stripper that was giving me a lap dance all night to have something with me. That's a good deal.

I'm going to do it. He He was gonna do it, but then that Shripper walked over to the bouncer and he bailed that last second Likely story. Let's see if he let's see if he can come up with that 500 bucks next time then I had a great time man, and it was awesome to meet everybody one One thing that I was mad about though was that the venue kicked us out like 10 minutes after the show. Yeah, it was up with the bar and the venue. What are they all, they all closed it,

like they wanted to go home. Midnight or? They're a venue place. I think they just wanted to go home honestly. I don't know. Usually it's in the contract, but I don't have a good eye for that stuff. I felt like such a dick too because I was taking pictures with some of the guys.

And I missed a lot of people because my buddy was like, yeah, we got to get out of here. They're kicking us out. No go go. I never got to take pictures with the rest of those guys. I felt bad about that too, but we did have a good spot next door. So yeah, at least there was that. Well, thanks for coming, man. It was good to see you.

Congratulations. It was so I have been laughing about your rage. Yeah. Because the first two people who went before you just really shit their pants. Oh my God. Yeah. I was a physical manifestation of the Reddit. Yeah. Oh God. Everybody off for two minutes. Yeah. But you're everybody started booing you

at first and you screamed over them. And I can remember you so vividly scream. I've been doing your joke all weekend since it happened to 80s girl going how's the weather to uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh He went, he went shaking as he screamed. He went from about a three and a half to a 10 in one sentence. All of a sudden, I've each turned everybody. Yeah. Did I tell you the story where that came from? I may not have no, no, go ahead. So the strip club had a elevator to get up to that. Yeah.

Second floor that they had us in. Yeah. And they had us in. And they had why can attend it. And it was the Asian guy. And we were going up there and now we've made it real slow. And he says to me, are you drinking the night? And I said, no, I'm good. And he says, good because that would be a DUI if you did.

And I just had to look a fucking raid on my face. And I went, yeah. I really wish I would have seen that Me too. Oh, really? Should I ask him how the driving is out there. Yeah. Oh God did a dog just walk in here. Did you just eat man? Oh? Oh, that's her area. Wow. He made, yeah, he's like making DIY jokes. I'll make a one.

All right, buddy, get out of here. She is a great. Can I plug some stuff? Well, how much stuff? Yeah. I got, I got two things to plug. My podcast, triple cast, got two things. Okay. My podcast cripple cast is on soundcloud. Okay. Soundcloud.com scratch cripple cast. Okay. And then I want to give a shout out to the other guy that broke his

way. I got the road bridge. He paid that stripper like $200 to grind on me for like 40 straight minutes. Oh yeah. We had, it was the cripple boys, the coming in Kevin, right? Oh, I don't know if he wants his name. Yeah. Well, it's crippled the brotherhood, dick, we gotta stick together. Yeah.

Good, good. Yeah, I gotta get a nasty break right before the show too. Those cool, you can make it. Huh. All right, get out of here, crippled Jesus. Good to see you. I gotta take a jog, I'll see get a nasty break right before the show too those cool. You can make it. Huh all right get out of here Couple Jesus could see I gotta take a job Okay, so yeah, why don't you yeah see I got a what take a jog. Oh God Why don't you go plug in your chair

Alright everybody this is the dick show. I think that's all we got for today. Oh Can you believe that? Oh, you drinking tonight? He's gonna be in UI. He was like, it's one of those jokes, so he was like, this is gonna be so, he's not thinking about any type of offense. You know, just going.

He's like, oh, look what I can do with this. Even not offensive. Like, I'm offended by the comedy. No, okay. Not by the ableness of it. Like, I'm offended by the comedy. No, okay. Not by the abledness of it. Right. What the fuck are you think that I haven't heard this? You think you're the first one?

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah. Like he's acting like he's climbing Everest with this show. Here we go. Here's my plan. Man, this mountain has been worn down to nothing.

Yeah. It's been shred over so much. Here's my plan. Like, man, this, this mountain has been worn down to nothing. Yeah. It's been shred over so much. All right, everybody. Um, this is the Dick show, dick.show patreon.com slash the dick show. Thanks for listening. See you next Tuesday. Daniel, I think we'll do a, we'll put one in the can on Thursday. Maybe if he can come in live, we should do it. Yeah. Where you go. Otherwise, I don't know what we're going to do. Okay. See you next Tuesday. This is.

what we're gonna do. Let's see you next Tuesday. This is... Oh, there's Anthony Charles Cordero. I think it's a track about crippled Jesus. Oh. And his championship win. Yeah, crippled Jesus, move bitch. Can I get by please?

I'm in a wheelchair. I just need to get through. If you could step us out. Excuse me. I said, get the fuck out of my way. Move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, move, bitch, get out the way, get out the way, bitch, get out the way, oh no! The chair's out, I'm looking to take some girls out, don't give me pity, I got skills, my legs may be gone, but I can't shit still, because I've been working on my podcast, you find us on iTunes and Android Fast as heard on W-a-t-p record and if you don't like it Her show is bad at everything the audience not my fault

Carging confusion disturbing the peace my wheels are in motion. I'm rolling the streets So bye bye to all of you slow walking moves. I'm not sure why he's charged And you in my way Yeah, I'm gonna move out on all the girls now, so don't spoil my game We're gonna think I get down Cucked like a cripple, I can't let that pass I'll get a hand cramping right over your ass Move! Bitch!

Get out the way! That's what he said on the way! Get out the way! Move! Bitch! Get out the way! Get out the way! Bitch!

Get out the way! Move! Bitch! Get out the way! Get out the way! Bitch! Get out the way! Move! Bitch! Get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way bitch, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way, get out the way That's me. Yeah, I know very good remember that. Hazen crew sent something into you want to hear it? Yeah We've had too many problems already today. It's called no pay By Hazen crew. All right

I love how that's kind of like taken on as an official slogan for the show Please let me YouTube comment and miss you. I would wait I would like to dedicate this song to metal jazz her wedding her beautiful wedding. She looked absolutely radiant, lovely, beautiful, to cap off. Maddox is spurging week. That made us a ton of money. Made him absolutely nothing. His numbers are still in the tank. Nobody seemed to care about it.

But here you go. This is called No Pay by Hayes and Cruz. I love how that's kind of like taken on as an official slogan for the show. Please let Oh It's got an auto panoron it's making making me sick. I know. That's a... SHUT THE VOKER! Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please hear that one vocal going back and forth, right? I know, I know. You wanna try a little bit more? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, we'll get through it.

All right, because it might be good. Well, I know it's gonna be good, but if it's gonna make people get vertigo and crash their cars into kids, I don't wanna be responsible for that. That's all I'm saying. There was a head. I like taking on that.

I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that.

I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that.

I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I like taking on that. I argue both sides of an issue All that I can do now is just sell my car for food And if I love love to cause they called me gay You guys just go after me Call me gay Now sponsors and subscribers see me Can you come and count?

Huh Remember when I said get gray Subscribe or see me You can count the counts Uh-huh Remember when I said get free Hey, you think I'll know, you can't think of this You really feel that every single thing I was just writing my book So say with me no one gets paid Well I don't understand what they call me insane and gay.

They just don't get my galaxy brainplay. There's nothing really inherently wrong of being a puddle. All I can do is play Dark Souls and Masterbay. I threw my life away, Well, it's great my stay. Master Bane, I threw my mind away Will it scrape my stake? I'm a stake, you're a stake, you're a stake It's beautiful. I love it. Thank you, Hazen.

Here's Facebook news. Could have been the Nickface that pissed them off. Could have been booing. Ilan Omar. Could have been booing. They want Omar. Could have been shitting on the bar itself. Did I tell you that Asterios is disavowed Kimball? I tell you why. Yeah, so I know the why.

I can't stop laughing at that. Yeah. Because he found out he's not Jewish. So that's it. Kicked out, banned, not doing any comedy with him anymore. Yeah, I didn't know they were doing comedy together. Well, he was editing his stuff and then it was just dead. Not Jewish?

Oh, dead. Dead, you're dead to me. Hey, there's increases there. Let me see if he got. If he got what? If he got the right one, if he sent the wrong one. Oh. Here's the right file.

Thank you, thank you. Hello, Dick. And hello, Dick Heds. This is the Facebook group news Thank you. Thank you. show that Nick plans to do this in retaliation for everyone saying he was quote stalking an obnoxious gremlin. John Gooby crowned Scott milkman the winner. As Nick Willie was the one he finally responded to about the stalking allegations that had been floating around the group for days. Carl Winslow asked if he can also see the news. Carl Winslow. Tom Flough. He got to see those news, man. It's like a gun.

It's like I think Arthur Miller said, if somebody introduces newd's in a scene, you got to see him. Huh. You know that? Arthur Miller, the playwright. Yeah. Yeah. That the disavailed.

Yeah. I think he said that. He was married to Miller. No, it was Anthony check, check, check, check, Oh, Anton check off who said that. Yeah. If you introduce nudes in a scene, you've got to see them. Wasn't that the, Wasn't that the Star Trek character?

Shit. I don't know. Was his name Anton check off? The playwright? No, no, no, I didn't check off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, the Star Trek guy. I don't know what his first name was.

Everything in Scotty. No, no, no, I'm thinking, you know, Walter Cain there, you know what? A's girl doesn't she hates Star Trek and it makes it so much better. Yeah. I'm while I was watching Star Trek in bed last night. She's like, oh, God, you're putting on what are you watching? Which way Sean Wade, she goes, oh, we have to watch an episode of Star Trek with you. And I was like, oh, honey, I actually put on the episode where Jean-Luc Picard gets turned into a Borg. So you'll be strapping in for two episodes.

Yeah. Yeah. Can we watch something else afterwards? Did you get to see it? Did you get to see it? No, no. She doesn't care. No, she's just, they just stay in their office all day.

They're in space and all they do is sit in their offices all day and I said, that's why it's so great. You don't have a family or kids at all. You are a man and you just get to sit in your office and talk to other men in clothing that denotes their subordination to you. That's why it's perfect. Right.

I do wanna watch Q episode now that I'm thinking about. He's funny. He's funny. He's funny. Okay. Here we go. Our boy post a screenshot of Chanel saying that Nick did, in fact, send her dick picks asking Nick how he pleads to the charges.

What's up, you? Should I quickly post an unshooped version of the screenshot that shows she was only clarifying that he did not send her any dick pics. Simon Ticklecorn posits that he has been enjoying this season of Bern court. Tom Flowerboy also posts the screenshot of Christy Sugar, who is in fact a man, making the claim that Figg Bat Digger Nick was never funny. And that, he's funny to him by that name is a bit self indulgent. Alli Oxenfree says that it's a good thing. CJ isn't some kind of minority or that would make this a hate crime. David Santa says, imagine being the guy who everybody hates is fat and ugly,

stupid as fuck, and trying to talk shit about literally everybody else Justin mango says Nothing 138 Oh, then let's try to fucking fix this man. Oh Sorry, I can't know what I Mean that had to be almost it right well. We got to hear what how it ended What a fucking day this has been. No shit. Everything is just, yeah, fuck nothing's worked. Download this thing. There was a problem because it was shared with too many people. Oh, hilarious, hilarious. Maybe somebody,

a bunch of scenarios that almost never happen have all converged on the same day. What a fucking cluster. Fuck, Hayes and Cruz, if you want to send me that file directly, I'll play it. Maybe, maybe too many people in the chat. Maybe we should quit before the house falls down. Yeah, for real. Everybody else Justin mango says, wow, what a racist racist this has been the Facebook group news for

the last couple of days. Yeah, that was that's the day. That's about the day, isn't it? Oh, wow. Thank you. Thank you. You're very good. We waited for one word.

Races. Yeah, but it's the only word you need. I guess. Okay, here we go the only word you need. I guess. Okay, here we go. I'm going to go drink bleach. Yeah, I think so too. You know what? I think I might just save these for Dancula.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We'll do a lot. We'll do an angel reading. Hey, the dick show. Hey, this is Andrew Oregon. What makes me rage? I'm going to keep this brief. Is the political

rallies, okay? There was one last week in my UG Newark. Two 52, by the way. I couldn't be there. So I was not a bat. I can't be what the one today because it's one in Portland. But I have seen enough of the videos, you know, and it's like, it makes me so arraig because on one hand you have these, they are kind of instigating, but you have this right of structure, like why do they hold rallies in Berkeley, New Zealand, Oregon, Portland, because they know the violence will be delivered. They know because if they held that rally in shaboykin, no one would fill up. It would be nothing. But you're going to get the best amount of attention and you're going to get people with up, which is the entire purpose, right? Because like, let's take it to the rally in Eugene, Ordin. You had like 30 hardcore gun people with their air of 15s and stuff are fortunate to free speech square.

And if people had just ignored them, they probably would have milled around and walked away. But an entire fucking crowd pops up and starts screaming and throwing shit and fighting. And fuck, dude. That's what's going to happen today. It's amazing. Because you see how all these left the spaceship like uh, be sure to the hashtag be safe today. But it wasn't that don't sell up. Then don't show up to the the link of a rally. Nobody can help themselves. They have a lesson. All these fucking people who want to fight passion. You want to know what i think i don't take it seriously because if you're actually fighting something you wouldn't be smoking weed

you wouldn't be spending all your time going to school to work you're working out you wouldn't be getting spending your fucking money and tattoos your resources you'll be taking it seriously you'll be doing everything it could be sure every resource every single second

to the cause of fight to fight for the war that you believe you're talking to in paintings that's why I don't take it seriously but no one should take it fucking seriously all that time how many how many fucking man hours are gonna be wasted today on the leftist side fucking alone it could build probably 10 houses with the amount of fucking time in money if they watch enough youtube videos to learn how to use tools i have a legal rally and are all gonna say that their victims and that the rally of the pro-bucket tours and in what the rally they are provoking you and you're giving it to which you're delivering a fucking violence and it pisses me the fuck off because this is what's

gonna happen and it's gonna keep happening or getting worse it's like it's like the way women will accuse you of something we're also hitting, it's like the way women will accuse you of something, we're also hitting you. It's like, bitch, just pick an avenue, it'll go. You can't have both. Yeah, I like the, I think he's dead on. I do like the idea that, well, you're, you know, you're, you're here just doing random horseshit. Like that's why you're not even committed enough to work a job and give money to your candidate. You're just here screaming. Like you're doing nothing.

You're totally valueless. It's what you're stealing hats. Stealing hats has no value other than entertainment. What you're doing is just sports for people with low testosterone who didn't have a dad, like you have no, you're just playing Calvin Ball. All of this is a sport that you're making up on the fly. Milk shake throwing is involved, the hat grabbing, the uniforms are kind of similar. So you fucked that up already, but you're just making a sport on the fly. None of this, none of it, any of it has to do with anything

positive, social justice, anything, whatever you're doing. And it's fine. It's fine to, that you don't know how to play football or video games and then you have to have the you can't afford video games because you don't have a job and you've spoke you spend all of your free money on drugs and all of your time getting high. So you don't have a job to afford video games. You don't have you don't have a strong family. So you never learned you have no familiarity with traditional sports such that it's important to you as an adult. You just have mindless violence. This is your sport, but it's the same as the other two in no way.

Does it cross over into politics? This is a joke. It's a complete fucking joke, but of course, I guess you can't take somebody's sports away from them. People kill you for sports. People kill other people for sports. Yeah, every once in a while a politician will get assassinated.

Yeah. But like referees and fucking soccer playing countries get killed. You routinely get killed for sports. Star Trek is all about politics. Nobody's really getting killed. They sit down, have a board meeting, work at, have a conference call.

By the way, you know what's stupid about Star Trek? It's always face time that they're using. I don't care what the future is. It's not always gonna be FaceTime. It's never gonna, every motherfucker is gonna go, no, ah, fucking trailer. Screens busted or something, we're taking it into federation, they're gonna fix it up.

You're right. Cardiastians are gonna do the same thing. Ah, it's busted. One of the biggest problems of TNG is the... Is that the FaceTime is total bullshit? That's the most unbelievable screen. On screen. Don't put my screen up, though.

Yeah. Hey, I can't see you. Our screen's busted. Yeah. I can't see you. Our screen's busted too. Think about it. All right.

See you next Tuesday, everybody. See ya. This is Bust-A-Till. Think about it. All right, see you next Tuesday, everybody. See ya.