The Dick Show - Episode 23 – Dick on Results

Episode Date: November 8, 2016

Download the MP3 Spy vs. Spy with married guys, the results of The Great Debate, Never-ending stories and the storytellers who never-end them, putting Vaseline on your eyes, more dong talk, what to do with a cheating mom, a news babe comes in with some amazing shoes, Asterios rants while I get the door, fight … Continue reading "Episode 23 – Dick on Results" The post Episode 23 – Dick on Results appeared first on The Dick Show.

Yeah, yeah, that was a dirty yeah for you. People said last episode yeah, it was too clean. Too clean. They said one guy's yeah, was too clean. Too clean. They said, one guy said it sounded like an angel. It sounded like a beautiful angel saying, yeah, this is a dirty yeah. Just holding that note. A biker bar, yeah.

Yeah, and it was in tune with the theme song. And if there was a number of problems with it, I got a number of complaints about the yeah. There's a dirty yeah for you. Welcome to Dick. You want Dick, you need Dick, you love Dick. The whole show is going dirty, I guess. It's the only podcast where everything is a contest.

I am your host, Dick Masterson. With me is always a Sean audio engineer. Hey, Dick. What's up, buddy? Also, the only podcast that pays Sean more than any other podcast that he is on. Unbelievable, a point of pride and a point of shame, something I wish I could fix. That's life. You know what life is to me?

Life, and I don't know if this is like this to everybody else. Life is a simulation where if you say the right words in the right order and in the right cadence, you can get whatever you want. You can make, you can make different things happen. That's how, that's how everything works. I sit there stumped. I'm, I get pulled over by a copper, I get a ticket and I say,

there is some kind of combination of words. I can say noises I can make with my mouth or with my movements that will make me get out of that will make you do something that I don't want you to do. That's how I feel. There is some magic combination of words that I can say that will make it. So this is not the highest paying podcast for Sean the audio engineer. I really feel that that is true. You can do that. There is something I can say.

There is something I can motivate someone out there in the zeitgeist. If I pay attention to the right information, you know, I see it like a falcon. I'm soaring high overhead. I have information being sent at me at all times, you understand. Because I'm a person of notoriety.

So I get sent information. I have like a, I have like an art like Cernovich is not the only one with an army of moles. Moles out there, but all my moles are the dickheads. They're M.I. Dick. Let me tell you about the dickheads. Go ahead. They are the most determined fan base I have ever seen.

Yeah. We want to make a change. This is a high determined fan base I have ever seen. Yeah. We want to make a change. This is a high energy fan base. We want to make a change in the world. And one of those changes is to make it so that Sean the audio engineer gets the paid the same on all the other podcasts that he's working on. It's nonsense that he is not.

And I have, I have been given M.I. Dick secret intelligence that you might find helpful in our collective quest to get you paid as much on other podcasts that you may or may not be on as you are on this podcast. Does that excite you? What have you done? I'm just saying, it information you might want to know.

I always want to know information. Who doesn't want to make more money? Sure we all do. Remember that commercial? Sally Struthers. Sally Struthers. Don't you want to make some more money on other podcasts? I do.

I do. In TV, VCR repair. Yeah. I might have that information. Something else I just learned about Sean. What? Doesn't wear sunglasses. No.

That's a real sunglasses make you a rage. No, they don't make you a rage. I just, I lost a pair and then I just never replaced them, which if you know me is completely typical. Yeah, you spiked the sunglasses by not getting new sunglasses. I'm just lazy. I'm just lazy. So this is, this is where we're at.

Now, we're recording this episode early, but right now is today's election day, Thursday's election day. So we are right now living in a one of two radically different worlds. You understand? We're living in a Schrodinger's cat type of situation where right now, when you're listening to this episode, half of the country is absolutely furious with the other half. So I'm gonna record responses for both of those situations. You understand?

Oh yeah. And there's no way to tell because this episode has to launch on Tuesday. That's it. So I got to put both of these responses in there. Okay? Sure. By the way, you do what you want. By the way, my last hurrah, I gotta tell you this last hurrah

that I had in this election season, because it's been a contentious one. This is a dictate for you. I was out with 80s girl in the life coach and his wife. She took us to see this band, she wanted to see. Who was it? I don't even remember. Okay.

At this point in life, I don't care. Man, I want to hang out with my friend. Like, I'm looking for the few occasions when I get to go hang out with my friend. When the fucking planet's a line, and I can go out with my friend on a weekend night and have a good time, like, it's a different phrase of life, man, when you're a teenager, like,

when you're before you get access to that car, and you are like jockeying, you're with your bargaining with your parents to drive you somewhere, so that you can just get that precious time with your friend. It's the reverse now. We're now, you're like, well, what's your schedule like, man?

Give me your schedule like an up in the air, George Clooney and that woman who turned out to be a cheating harlot in that movie. Oh, such a great twist. When they're sitting there comparing their schedules and like, well, what have you got going on? Like, well, I got to, I promised my wife I do a cooking class and to keep the peace. To keep the peace.

And then we got to go out. Our friends are having like a fucking wine mixer. So, we're going to add. Being an adult is awful. It fucking sucks. So we finally found this one night where we could meet up and it's like a Trojan horse, right? Because his wife thinks we're going to see this band

that like I might be possibly into. Here's a bit of news for you. You're not into that band. I'm not into any band ever. Like, I don't wanna go see it. I don't wanna go see a comedian. I don't wanna go see a band. I don't wanna...

I am exactly the same way. I'm like, something will just piss me off more than I like this band or act I wanna see. I did see Danny Elfman at the bowl, though, doing nightmare before Christmas. He's an established... So this is like, this is a new thing. I'm just at the point in my life

where I'm no longer into new things. That was like a teenage thing where the new thing you observe or a 20s thing, the new thing you observe might awaken something in you that will make you know yourself better. I know myself, I don't wanna know anymore. I know too much about myself, so don't show me, you know what I'm saying?

So don't show me a thing that might awaken any, I don't wanna see it. I don't want. So we get to this, there's a Trojan horse type of situation, right? Where she thinks she's allowing this meetup to happen of drinking and music watching because she wants us, she likes the band ostensibly. You know what? Maybe it's a double Trojan horse. It's a, it's a double, double trick for her to go out to a band with their husband. And then we're tricking her by going to see this band. So we can hang out. What? Is that like a joust? A joust?

Yes. Yes. It's run them at each other. That's the joust. And whoever, whoever doesn't have the afforditude, the spirit, the spirit of them, the pride in themselves, the spirit, the internal, the stomach. You're playing chicken in themselves, the spirit, the internal, the stomach. You're playing chicken with Trojan horses and going to see this band. We all, we've all been in a relationship.

We know how this works. So we're at this band, right? And of course, it is, it's a woman. The first instrument that I see on the stage is a ukulele. So I say, nope, I'm out of here. Here goes the booze, right? But we're sitting there. I thought you would be interested is a ukulele. So I say, nope, I'm outta here. Here goes the booze, right? But we're sitting there. I thought you would be interested in a ukulele.

You like banjo? Yeah, but a banjo is very difficult to play. Well, they're totally different, but. I think a ukulele is, like when I see a ukulele, I know there's gonna be no drums, and I know I'm gonna hear 10 songs about how a girl got wronged by 600 guys. That's what I think when I see a ukulele.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, who looks like a cartoon version of a feminist, right? Like shaved head wearing a hockey jersey, has more tattoos than a shoots and ladders board game. This is the band that I'm seeing. So we're sitting there. Yeah, so you're definitely out.

Definitely out, definitely drinking. And the whole, the election's winding down. That's why I bring this up. And my life coach lane's over to me and he goes, you know, I was just thinking, like, wouldn't it be funny if someone were to just yell, go Trump in this type of setting because the setting is obviously very anti-Trump. Oh, yeah.

And we were laughing. We were like, oh, yeah, that would be, that would be really funny. That would be funny because there's this, like, at some point it's not politics. It's just like, I like kind of fucking with people, right? Like, don't we, isn't that the point of everything? Now that the election is over, isn't that the point of everything? Now that the election is over, isn't that the point of everything is just to fuck with people?

Like, isn't that where, isn't that what being an American is all about? Is fucking with people? So anyway, that was what I wanted to get. That was like my fantasy in my mind. You know how you have these fantasies where like for some reason, for some reason the quarterback of the

Raiders will get knocked out and his arm will get torn off and the coach will turn around and go, you, you look like you could throw a football. We need you in this game right now. Yeah. And then you go on and lead them to glory and you're on ESPN and they're like, are you single or you're like, oh, single, yeah, of course. Of course, I'm like, it's your, it's a whole new life. Like that's the fantasy and it starts with this

absolutely ridiculous scenario where you are pulled out of the audience and suddenly put in the spotlight and you perform flawlessly even though in real life you would be a mumbling mess, like looking down at the ground and checking your pockets for what happened to your balls. So that's my fantasy of bringing this trumpet. She goes like halfway through the concert, somebody brings up how something is frightening. And the woman, the feminists with the shaved side of her head and the hockey jerseys and

the tattoos and the gauges and her ears, those big, those big rings where you could stick a pencil through their ears. I hate that shit. We've been over this, haven't we? Yeah, you got enough attention with the news girl, I think. Yeah. Yeah. So that's, uh, she drops the bomb. It is scary. You know, it's, it's scary just like what might happen after this election. And I feel, I feel this feeling inside of me that I know to always conquer, like an animal. Like whenever I feel this feeling, it's a feeling of pre-regret. Like it's a feeling that I feel in a situation

where I know I have to do this thing. I don't want to do it, but I have to say it. Because I owe it to the people. Because I owe it to the people. And I look over, I happen to catch coach and 80s girl. Coach just gives me this. His head is retreating into his shoulders. It's like a three-stuge.

Like he's getting, his giggling is already starting. And 80s girls just looking up to me like, uh-huh. And that feeling I feel is like, well, this is who you are. This is what makes you who you are, and you're letting these people down. If you don't do what you know, you have to do.

You know, I'm like a cop that sees corruption in the police force, that feeling, that's probably the same feeling they get, where they think, you know, I know what it is that I have to do. I know that I have to write this wrong. This could go really badly for me. But I have to do it.

Yeah. I know that it is right. I mean, that is, that's your conscience speaking. That's morality inside right? Whatever that happens to be, it's, I know what that feeling is. You know, it's the, I see something wrong happening and I have to correct it. But it's not that extreme. Sometimes it's just, you sit there and I said, I lean back using my very clearest of growling

shouts. I just go, go Trump. Like that. Like loud. Oh, loud is fuck yeah. Because we established last week that I'm the loudest person in the world. I don't think there's anyone louder than me without amplification. I never used to think of you as loud. You know me as an indoor shun. You have to indoor voice. I have ruined national anthems. I mean, without amplification, I can out sing. I have out shouted guys with megaphones shouting about Jesus and the end of the world

on the strip in Vegas. I can drown out a lunatic with a megaphone. That's how loud I am, but this was like at a six because this was just a fun go-trop. Right? Go-trop. I've had too many IPAs, go-trop. How big was this venue?

Probably a hundred people. Oh, so it's real small. Yeah, they're real small. Okay. And coach immediately in the wonder the band sucks. Wow, they, hey, you know what they were actually very talented. Were they? Yeah.

Like that was when coaches, wife asked me afterwards, what do you think of the band? I said, they're great. Yeah. I didn't listen. Yeah, they were, they were great. But the highlight was be, go Trump and coach goes, yeah. And you hear, you hear a hundred people collectively, you hear them,

like their dicks shriveling up. Oh, is that like, ooh, is that guy, first there's a little chuck, like a murmuring of mirth, because they think we're just joking. Yeah. And then they realize it. And the air just gets sucked out of the room. And it goes into my heart and my stomach. And I think, yeah, that's the end of the election for me. That was the end of the election for me. And I went home and I said, it was the best part about it was because we leave and coaches wife was saying, like, oh, yeah, that was great when you guys did that. And coach goes, well, she started it, which was absolutely true.

Like, that was, it was the fantasy, which is also a Trump answer. Yeah, that was, that was the end of the election for me anyway. We're in two different realities right now, and I just want to say, if we're in the reality where Trump is one, I just want to say, guys, I was just kidding. We were all just kidding, right? I just didn't want to eat a book. And everything that happens now is all on everyone else's fault. You might not.

Not my fault. No, this is my fault. You might not have to eat a book. This is not. This has gotten so wild down the stretch. Well, they will already have already happened by the time this goes out. But if Hillary, if Hillary won, I just want to say number one, fuck, I have to eat my book.

Right. That's a real thing that I have to do. And number two, I'm converting to Islam. Oh, good. Cause I want to be, I want to be a productive member in this new society. I don't want to just shit on it. I want to be part of the solution. Yeah. I want to be part of the new elite ruling class. That's what I'm running. Anyway, let me get good. Let me, let me get to what makes me rage this week. Well, you can shout all I act bar louder than anyone else. Yeah. I bet that's true.

Oh, yeah. Get your head cut off and shout out louder than anybody else. I was wondering if that was true. What it has doing stuff. I'm conscious of stuff like that. Yeah, there's been, you know, stories about guys saying, Hey, I'll blink my eyes a bunch of times and stuff. And they blink like 11 or 13 times. I don't know.

Look, if Trump did win, don't worry about it. Everybody don't want you to get another chance in four years, right? No matter who wins, we're getting another chance. We're getting another chance in four years, right? Fuck it, fuck it. Let's focus on what really matters. And that is the discrepancy in pricing

between standard definition rentals on iTunes and Amazon and high definition rentals on Amazon. Do you know about this? Have you heard about this? I've been renting a lot of movies recently because it has suddenly- In SD? Like, I mean, they still have that?

Dude, it's like, it is like a, it's like an, I don't even know why, I don't understand why they would have this. So you can either rent a movie, you go to rent a movie on like Hulu or Amazon Prime or any of these things. It's a normal, it's like a normal price for HD of five bucks for the movie.

The SD is like, it's $2.99. Mm-hmm. Steve five bucks for the movie, the SD is like, it's 299. So it's like forcing you to constantly make the decision of how cheap am I with the woman that you're with because none of us are renting movies on our own. If we're on our own, we're watching the free shit because we're just trying to kill time before death, right? The only reason you're renting a movie is because both of you collectively either wanted

to see the movie or she wanted to see the movie. Right? Yes. That is exactly how I was. So you're sitting there. You finally find your fucking movie after watching previews for two and a half hours. And what do you see? SD 299.

It sounds like a great price for a rental, right? HD, the normal kind of way that we're watching a movie for 99, 597, 99, some outrageous price, like they're paying for the pixel. I just watched two hours of HD previews, and now when I finally settle on which one of these dumb fuck movies to watch, I'm getting,- First of all, I, now with the movie starting in HD, I already feel like I'm getting fucked. I feel like they could have got away with this, even though I understand how like digital things work,

I feel like they could have got away with charging $2.99. The SD price. Because in that, you have the licensing fee, you have all the pipes and whatever they're using to power the movie to get it to your house. Then why even offer SD? I don't know. That's what drives me crazy about it.

You're the whole movie. I'm sitting there thinking and of course, of course everybody I'm watching the movie is like, yeah, I always get SD. I don't know. This is the 80s girls sitting there going, well, I always get SD anywhere because I can't tell the difference.

So now I'm like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. First of all, I'm pissed about these guys anywhere, because I can't tell the difference. So now I'm like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. First of all, I'm pissed about these guys were trying to fuck me for two extra dollars, like making me think it was $2.99 and then sticking me with this luxury charge of not having to watch a movie. Like I have Vaseline smeared all over my eyeballs.

And now you're telling me that you can't tell the difference between SD and HD, what the fuck are you looking at? What do you see when you look at the TV in HD versus SD and you can't see the difference between like you could see the individual hair follicles on their faces in HD. What the hell are you looking at? Where are we even like, what, where is the line for you? Now I've got all kinds of other questions that are distracting me from this movie. What were you gonna say? I don't remember.

I don't remember. Imagine if anything else worked like this. Yeah, I imagine if the reg, what? Why are you sweating so much already? I don't know, I get so upset about these things. Imagine if the regular movies worked like this. Like instead of 3D glasses, you got a cellophane glasses wrapper that you have to wear

or else you have to pay two dollars to get out of it. Here is a cellophane piece of glasses with Vaseline smeared all over them and they're all janky and they make your eyes go crossed. And you have to wear them off. You have to pay to take them off. Because that is not crazy. Are all TVs HD?

Oh, I think so. I mean, does anybody have a standard definition TV anymore? I don't even know what that is. I don't think so. I think you, if you have a TV that weighs like 50 pounds, then that's a standard definition television. Yeah, true. Doesn't exist anymore.

Imagine if the rest of the, so in your car, instead of putting a gas pedal on, they just put a big pile of poop and you have to pay to get your gas pedal back. That's the world. It's already set up to give you the HD. Why don't they just give it to you? Why do they have to put? Why do they have to put?

Like it's still a premium. It's like them bragging. It's like they're bragging that they could have given this to you for $3 because they already crunch the numbers. But you know what, they're going to fuck you with two extra bucks for it. Like, just tell me, don't even put the price of the thing. Just tell me whenever I buy something, tell me exactly how much money you're fucking me out of by charging me this extra bit.

You understand what I'm saying? Like, well, that's the, because I know that the two dollars on there is just pure profit. It's just a pure fuck you tax. Like fuck you because you want to use, that's like a handling fee. It's like a handling fee of above, and I'm doing the handling because I'm pressing the button. There's no, they're not moving any pixels around by hand.

There's not some factory where they're shifting gears and levers to put the good version of a movie on. They get the same fucking movie that the SD is. It means absolutely nothing. It makes me such a fucking rage. Now every time I sit there, I know that that screen's gonna pop up between SD and HD, and I think here I fucking, I just wanna say, you get the movie going,

I don't care what it costs, buy it. I just don't wanna know. I just don't wanna know and I'll come back and we'll watch it because I'm not prepared to see the giant fuck you that is less of a price for SD because in my deepest part of my mind, I'm thinking, you know what, maybe I would pay less for this SD. Maybe I, like I've seen this movie six,

maybe I just would, why not save two bucks? I don't fucking care. She's gonna fall asleep an hour into this movie anyway. Well, I can, well, I fucking care. You don't wanna see the movie in the first place. I never see the movie in the first place. But I just don't, then I feel like all of my TV is going to waste.

Then it's all going to waste. Why do I have, why do I have the highest internet then? Why do I have a TV that can do this? If right at the end, that's when they get you with the extra two bucks. If fucking pisses me off, I'll say. Yeah. Okay, the other thing to make me rich this week. Never ending storytellers. I got this guy as I told you before, we're moving into a new studio.

Yeah, I'm excited. Because I am moving the fuck out of this hellhole that is Hollywood. I can't believe you've made it this long here. I think it's such a griloster fucked up my brain. Probably. I think living in Hollywood has given me lead poisoning, making me a more aggressive individual. Especially I haven't given you alcohol poisoning. I think it's given me alcohol poisoning,

living next to all these bars. Oh my god. I think it's giving me some poisoning. I think it's giving me alcohol poisoning, living next to all these bars. Oh my God. I think it's giving me some kind of rage of holism, having to deal with these fucking people. Having to live in this proximity with people should not be allowed. It's too fucking close because you gotta see them. You see a different side of people

when you're living on top of them. Yeah. And I don't just mean the out of control crime. I also, this great guy, great one of my neighbors, right? He's a never-ending storyteller. You sit down with him, and you will hear a yarn that starts in an arbitrary spot and goes forever. A story that has no point that starts when you start talking to them that could be kicked off by absolutely anything, like kicking a rock and then an avalanche starts.

It's like a storytelling. Compulsion. I don't know what it is, but it starts. And man, I am ready to go in a couple, I am tossing Flax out at this guy when he starts giving me these stories like Air Force One. I am dodging, I am taking fake phone calls, I am doing anything I can to get inside my apartment and slam the door and lock it.

So I'm moving, I think, you know what? Maybe I'll never talk to this guy again. I'm gonna listen to one of these stories. I'm gonna listen to where it goes. So he starts telling the story of how he met his girlfriend, right? Going, going all over the place. It's going all over the place. We get in, he walks me inside, we get in the elevator, we go up, the elevator is in my apartment building.

There's these old, there's these old timey elevators, 30's elevators, where if you open the door, you open the door like a hinged door and the elevator door stays open inside. Like it doesn't, they don't, they work in conjunction with one another. You close the hinged door, then the elevator door closes. That's how it works. It doesn't work at the opposite. Like elevators usually, you know, you stick your hand in the doors open up. This has an elevator door and then an additional hinged door on top of it.

So this guy starts telling me this story and I'm thinking, okay, this will be the end of it. We get to my floor, the elevator door is open, I open the hinge door and I step out and think, hey, well, you know, good story. You didn't get it all out, but that's okay. I heard a lot of highlights, a lot of good points. Yeah. Good exchange. Sure. I know the ending was great. We know you have a girlfriend. We know you got together. Yeah. Great job. I'm out of here. Have a good exchange. I really was great. We know you have a girlfriend. We know you got together. Great job. I'm out of here. Have a good one.

I'll hear the rest later. So he's still telling the story. He's sticking his, like, well, well, also this, this, this. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait a minute, dude. I'm now, I'm rocking back now. Yeah. I'm out, waits on this foot. Now I got to rock back in to hear the rest of the story.

I think it can't be much longer, right? It can't be much longer. But maybe I'm never going to see this guy again, right? So I'm sitting there like, okay, okay, okay. Yeah. And then what? And then what? And then what? The door starts to close. He taps it up, because the hinge door isn't close. Elevator door starts to close, not so, because I got the hijack. Boop bounces back open. The elevator, after three or four tries of this, start screaming. Starts like beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, because it wants to go and do its job. The elevator's screaming in Gades. Right?

It's an alarm. It is an alarm that says shut the door. You're doing something absolutely not phased. This guy continues, continues with the story of how him and the girlfriend met. It is until, so after the alarm sounds for like a minute and a half, maybe two minutes. Now inside I'm like, well, let's see how far this can go. All right, let's see how long this guy can tell the story for. The elevator door starts to forcibly close.

It will do that? Yes, it will close and I, you give it a tap, it won't respond, it closes at like an inch a second. I didn't know it did that. It does that, we'll give it a shot. We'll give it a shot, I'll go tell you a story just like this that goes absolutely fucking nowhere after the podcast and you can try to hold it open.

Closing at an inch a second and this guy is sneaking around like a sitcom trying to tell me not the end of the story, like not like, oh yeah, here's the best part. It's just the same cadence, but like squeak, squeak, like in the abyss. So he's barely like an inch left of elevator door space while he's continuing with the story. And then it shuts. And I hear the story taper off as the elevator leaves my floor. Jesus Christ. And I'm thinking this is absolutely rampant. These never-ending storytellers that do not look for us, do not for a second. Check in with you to see if if a you've got a, if you're

taking a wild detour to hear the rest of their story number or number two, there is actual mechanical things blaring and screaming off at them and forcing them and pulling them away physically from you while they're trying to wrap up the story. And I'm thinking there has got to be a better way. There's got to be a better way for this. Why is it so common? Why is it such an epidemic of never-ending storytellers? Mm.

Oh, you want an answer? Mm-hmm. No. I know there is no answer. No. There is no answer. I want to fix it, but I don't know how. Every time, go.

I don't think they know. They're aware that they're ramblers like that. Like if I tell a story, I've been known to be long-winded at times, in my personal life, but I do know they're supposed to be an end. I'll go on tangents, but I do know that it's like,

no, you gotta get to the end of the story. There's gotta be an end. And I'm aware of other people not wanting to stand there for 20 minutes listening to me tell a story that is really just an anecdote. Well, every time I see like a bumper sticker on a cop car that says no more domestic violence, I think, well, let's, that's the, what we need to solve. Where are the stop telling stories that go nowhere, bumper stickers?

Yeah. Like, where is the, you got to put you on a clock, man. Like, we need a universal safe word for no more. That's it. That's it. Like a safe, safe word that you can use to get out of such a situation. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. I don't know what it is, but I'm tired of, I'm tired of being told what to do when there's a lot of other people who could be using these life lessons of, hey, let me get, you know, we got to live in this city together. The problem isn't only too much domestic violence. It's also that these guys are scaring me into leaving my apartment.

Let's work on that. Let's figure out some way to work on that, Sean. That's all I'm saying. All right. Somebody brought up planes, trains, and automobiles. I was thinking the same thing. John Candy and Steve Martin just rips him for just telling pointless stories. Oh my God. I'd never seen it before until like an actual elevator closed on a guy. Yeah. So we did the big debate. Good. Now he's dead. We did the big debate last week. Remember that, mean, hysterios, uh, debated over who would win, uh, who would be a better president,

I guess, who was sexier. Like, yeah, jumper cleaning. We did do that. I got him on the line because I want to, do people like that? People loved it. Here, let me read some of the comments. Well, because a debate is a very boring thing. It can be. It's a very boring format. Like, the idea of a debate is it's something that people will only listen to once every four years. Yeah. For a reason, because it's just usually two guys kind of talking about their opinion.

usually two guys kind of talking about their opinion. So, well, yeah, plus they all just deflect and then talk about whatever they want. It's so confrontational. You never get, like, I don't even understand who it's for a debate unless it's funny. Like if you're doing a debate, if you watch the debates on TV, I don't want to talk about this anymore because the election's over, but they're just talking to people who already believe them. But it's not an orange view're just talking to people who already believe them. Like, it's not an argument. This comes out on Tuesday though.

Yeah, this comes out on November 8th, but 8th, 9th, and 10th, and it's like, it's gonna be over, 8th, 9th, 10th, and 11. But that's a debate to me. It's, I would prefer to have an argument over a debate. Yeah. At least in an argument, you gotta listen to what the other person says and try to stomp all over them. Yeah. That's not so in a debate. Yeah. Because at least in an argument, you got to, you got to listen to what the other person says

and try to stomp all over them. Yeah. That's not so in a debate. Have you actually seen a real debate club? Um, nothing I can remember offhand, but like in high school, well, I get the idea though and I know that the presidential candidates never do that. It's never a real debate. Okay. So this is what I'm saying. Like in a high school debate, they don't train these kids. It seems like to me, they don't train these kids to like,

listen to what you're saying and better formulate their arguments. Like all they do is read positions that they've memorized from this giant volume of text. They carry around suitcases of, I don't know, case law or arguments that they don't even seem to understand. It's just a contest of who can speak faster at the talking points that they've memorized in advance.

They're not reacting to the other person. What they're saying. No, and that's what I think a debate is, but so anyway, we tried to make it, we tried to spice it up a little bit. Yeah, anyway, people in the Reddit seem to like it. Like they were surprised that they heard phrases like that's a good point and you might be right.

And I said, oh, you never heard that. Okay, Asterios, how you doing? Hey, can you hear me? I can. Hey, I'm doing a right, how are you doing buddy? Good, I think we're about to demonstrate why Skype is not a viable way to have a co-host for this podcast but You know what if you is there any chance to give me one minute. I'm trying to get it up on my phone sure

I'm gonna send a lot better. Yeah, go ahead. Sometimes hang out works better for whatever reason. I don't know. They all suck. They all suck. They all suck man whatever reason. I don't know. They all suck. They all suck. They all suck. They all suck, man. Anyways, there you go. Say welcome back to the program. Hey, things are having me. Dick, are you perhaps suggesting that we might need, let's say, the government to step in and kind of fix this phone problem? No, it's too late for you. Yeah, it's too late for people to pay for their pencils. Corporations are trying to save money by doing this whole VoIP thing. And you know, they're not fixing the hard lines that, you know, that they originally promised they would years ago. Are you suggesting we need sort of regulation? I wish I even knew what it was. Like, I don't know if it's the,

I would rather have a tin can that stretched across the entire country than use the digital things we got. Hold on one second, it's here Is I got to take this call? Sure. Hello? Hey, I will, I'll come let you in. Oh, sounds like a sexy call. Tell her I'll ever. Okay, Asterios. You were saying some ridiculous shit about the government. So you're aware that I have in my hands the voting

for the big debate. And I am aware that I mean I'm hearing it from everybody, all the comments everyone saying it's stereos, you were just funny, you were just better. I mean everybody's saying and I'm hearing it left and right that I that you know I'm going to be the winner of this. And so I mean I hope you're ready to vote for literally the devil, the devil, the devil, the robot devil, you know, Dan Kessel and it a pretty good voice actor and or Bernie from weekend at Bernie's because let's get these results. Okay. So what you're saying is that the polls you've taken indicate you win by a healthy margin.

By a landslide. Yeah. I mean, it's just what I'm hearing. People are talking. People are saying it. They're saying a stair issue or the best. Every single poll, you know, that everything I'm hearing says, I won and so. Okay.

Well, here's the, here's the results. So as everybody knows, if a stereos won the debate, I have to vote for Hillary Clinton. I have to basically vote for the woman who's going to make me eat my own book. And if I won, Esterios is going to have to do the unthinkable and vote for Donald Trump, which will ruin your entire reputation in the comedy community. I hope you know that. Personally and professional. Yeah.

Now, it's definitely, they call that the dick special when you hit them both at once. And that is what will happen if I have to vote for Trump, but I'm not worried about it because the polls are going to be good. Okay. Well, let me read you the results then. Here's, I'm reading the votes right now. Pencils down. a stereoscoca nose on behalf of Hillary Clinton, 677 votes. All right. Dick Masterson on behalf of Donald Trump, 5,234.

Are you fucking kidding me? No, no, no, that's the result. What did you do with this? You know, that's it, buddy. 5,000! How is this not rigged? That's not rigged. It's 9-1.

It's the people at quizmaker.com who control the voting. I don't know, you assume they're a reputable firm. Oh, the trusted source, quizmaker. Look, yesterday they were 1,300 votes in the system. How did 5,000 votes? It's a blowout. I don't know what to tell you.

That's what the response is. How? I'm not kidding. This isn't like a funny irony. Like, oh, you were, no. How did this happen? This is rigged. You know this is rigged. How did this happen? Do you want me to get you an export of the results? Yeah, I would love

to see an export of the results because I'm guessing that it's 2 AM one day. There are of course thousand votes for Donald Trump. Well, we can see. I can look at him. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, look at him and look at him again. There is no way I lost. I was hilarious in that debate. Did you hear how funny I was? Oh, we were funny. Thank you.

Okay, hold on a second. Let me get this again. Hello. Mr. E also be right back. Okay. Hey, they're live listeners. It's me. This is what you're saying it's me this is what you think it was coconut this is uh... i'm gonna do what donald trump is going to do on twos day when he

loses the election i am calling for riots i want all of you right now hop on twitter hop on facebook do whatever it takes you get the hashtag hashtag, tick lies, trending, okay? I, there's no way this happened. There is no way this is true. Mysterios? Yes.

Just put on the hat and go pull the lever. Pull, go pull the lever. Uh, my heart is, I'm feeling dizzy. Yeah. I'm feeling the whole room is spinning right now. You're gonna make a... Oh my god. I bet you're sweating your ass off too. Yeah, yeah, more than usual. Yeah, well Jesus, Sean, you have to be on my side with this. There is no way this photos will cheer me Listen, I thought it was gonna be close. I really did

Yeah, you know, I thought it was gonna be close because I really did. Yeah, you know, I thought it was gonna be close because I did a good job with the debate. You did do a good job. Although you did. Jesus Christ. But you gave dick a lot of credit for some of his positions. Oh, excuse me for trying to be a good person and not just stonewalling that guy. Oh, excuse. Oh, I'm sorry. Not how you went into debate. I didn't know this was some sort of talking points contest where it's supposed to be. Just stonewall each other for an hour.

Nobody wants to hear that, you know, that was the problem with the old show. With the old show, you just get mad at us, we just refuse to budge on any of his positions. And it was just like, what am I listening to here? Excuse me for trying to bring some genuine entertainment. Oh my god! Sorry.

Oh, you were good. Jammichan. Sean, how much can I pay you to vote for Hillary Clinton? I've got a Patreon going now for the first time in my life. I actually have a little bit of money. What can I do? My vote doesn't matter. Why do you make your vote? There's a vote of my vote matters. What can I do? My vote doesn't matter. Why do you make your voters about my vote matters?

You can neither does yours. Yes My parents voted for Michael Duke caucus. Do you understand me? Michael Duke caucus the governor of Massachusetts the greatest need in the union Well, they call it taxes. It's because the people that live there love it so much that they happily pay taxes. Yeah. Yeah. It shows that your family should not be voting. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,. All right, Jamie, I'm seeing you in the chat.

Jamie, you're gonna have to vote for Clinton to help balance this out. ACIOU, Trey, why Preston, Shawl. I'm gonna need five votes for Clinton. Who's got five votes for Clinton for me? God damn it. Oh, I can't put, hey, listen, username get raped. If you could do me a solid info for Hillary Clinton

That would really help me out here What shit are you saying is stereos? Look look your fuck dude. I have I have a full export with IP addresses for every single vote that this is the ultimate invoter ID registration that I'm looking at. IPs for everybody involved, user agents, where they're from, with the region that they're from, the date, the exact date down to the second that they did it The order they came in you can go through this voting record with a fine-toothed fucking calm But afterwards you are gonna have to eat a big shit hamburger because you fucking lost you fucking lost

This is why Maddox didn't want voting and it's why I've always said that there should not be a content because these things could be ripped, these things can just be twisted any which way, oh I've got IP. No, no, from quizmaster.org slash, all right, slash talk. Yeah, no, you lost because you should on Trump and you did not have any reasons why Clinton was good. That was why that's why you fucking lost. I mean, she's kind of indefensible. There you go. I mean, like, it's, you know, it's like it's a lot easier to beat upon Trump than to defend a woman who was a lawyer for Walmart and help stop unionization efforts in the 90s. Like, it's a lot easier to be like, well,

no, I kind of want to vote for it. My think my dreams come true then to support Hillary Clinton, who's compromised every single ideal she has at every possible turn. You made my dreams come true. I was down. I was down the Hillary Clinton hands. You made my dreams come true because you've given me Dick Masterson twice the rights of the average American. This election I had two votes and no one will even if I listen, even if I have to eat my book, no one can ever take away from me that I voted for Trump twice.

Because even if you got a wife, you bully her in devoting Trump, but when she goes in that booth, she could vote for whoever she wants. And then you gotta go in there with her and you got to put your hand on her arm and you got to feel like honey, we're doing the right thing here. No, I know all about how to control women. It's all I do all day. Don't let you meet about controlling women. It's the beginning of controlling women. I can't believe I'm not going to get to vote for my favorite controlling woman.

Hillary Clinton, Jesus Christ all right listeners You listen up. I'm a man of my words. Yeah, they do listen. I'm gonna vote for Trump. I am not kidding I have an absentee ballot right here. I will vote for Donald Trump. I will take a video of myself I will take a video of myself carrying this sealed envelope to a post office. I will put it in the box and you will all see that Stereo is an honest man. Take it to the post office box and Trump video. If you want to see this video You're gonna have to go to patreon.com To stereo you should make it you understand me? I'm not gonna humble myself for nothing, for nothing. If you want to see a lifelong liberal from New York gets humiliated, you want to create

free-owned.com, fly to Stereo's, because the only place you're gonna say it. Ah! As Stereo's, I want you to take that video in front of Trump Tower. You should make him go up and get a Taco Bull. Yeah, then you have to go get a Taco Bull. I'll pay for it, but Trump Tower makes the greatest Taco Bull in America here. I love his band. No, I've heard that too.

Everybody's talking about how great the Taco Bulls are. Trump Tower. This is, I don't even care if he wins now. This was enough. Was this enough? Yeah. Well, yeah, because you're saying that because you know he's not going to win.

I don't know, man. The polls, the polls, that won't be this first time polls lie to you. Thank you for coming on. Thanks for being a good sport. I love a guy who puts his actual vote on the line. He sounds like a good sport. Just real quick.

Just real quick. Dick. Yeah. For the listeners. Yeah. Do you think Trump is going to win the election? Yes. This comes out. Wait. This comes out on Tuesday, though. So it will have already happened. Yeah. I just want to know what you think. Well, you think he's going to win or no? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you can, you can, they may not know

anything until what? Tuesday night. If it's really close Wednesday, someone's that happens, right? Yeah. That's true. Yeah. I, I, I do. I mean, I think he's gonna win. Yeah, I think he's gonna take Florida and I think he's gonna take Ohio. No, no, no. You think he's gonna win? That's awesome. Do you wanna make it interesting?

What do you mean? Do you want me to put more money down on this election? Look, all I'm suggesting, look, my vote is for Trump. It's out the door. I'm not trying to claw that back. That's God, my soul is God. I'm supposed to go into mail box. Everybody's got an hour. I'm going to put on Facebook. Hey, everybody, be like me and hysterios on my personal, on my personal Facebook. Be like me and as my buddy is, they're, we're, I'm going to send you a mega hat too. I'm going to send you

certain of it. Just make America great book. Also, you're going to want to read up on all the new policies you support. mindsets you support. See, here's the problem with doing a deal with the devil, which is dick. You never even forget it. Well, you think it stops when you pay him off. You always forget about the extras that are gonna happen. Why, how do you wanna make this more interesting?

I will, look, I've got a Patreon now. You've got a Patreon now. I've got a Patreon now. Thanks to you, your co-tales, pretty wide co-tales. So how about this? If Trump wins, I will up my pledge to your Patreon to $100. Okay. And if clinton wins you will up your pledge to my patreon uh... uh... dollars what did you say uh... like uh... forty no no no no no no no we're going even money for the uh... okay

so the the the supporter of the candidate who doesn't win will give the other supporter will will subscribe to the other supporters, Patreon to the tune of $100. That sounds good for one month. Okay, for one month. That means we gotta make,

we gotta both make a hundred dollar level. I don't know if you have that or not. No, I don't. We'll both have to make a special level. Patreon doing, how's that going? All right, buddy, we're losing you. Thanks for calling it. Later.

Better luck next time. I love that it. Later. Better luck next time. Oh, I love that guy. Yeah. He plays the game. He plays the game. He came on, played the game. He put his entire liberal reputation on the line and lost it. And he lost it.

But you know what? He is a man of his word. He's going to vote for Trump. And his Patreon is taking off because of it. He is a stand up guy. He is a stand up guy. He is a stand up guy. So next, we've got a very special treat. Now as we all know, I promise the news, babe.

Yes, you promise everybody a news, babe, but a news, babe, you shall have. So next, we've got a very special treat. Now as we all know, I promise the news, babe. Yes, you do. I promise everybody a news, babe, but a news, babe, you shall have. Asterios just texted me, by the way. He says he's also soaked in sweat. That's how you know it's a good rage, you know?

Yeah, I'm just saying that's a real rage. You see these TV rage is going and they're not soaked in sweat. And you at home should be suspect of the amount of emotion this person have because as a man, having any emotion is the most strenuous thing you can possibly have. And so feeling that kind of anger that a stereos felt and that I feel every week is just it pours out of our bodies. It's our entire body is weeping.

Do you see? We're always criticized as men for not crying, for not showing sensitive, but our bodies cry with the emotion of rage and sweat. It pours out. Okay, speaking of speaking of being in the hot seat, I've got a special guest this week. As I said, a news baby, you want, the listeners wanted a news baby you shall have with us today, with us today is Lacey Looney. Lacey, come on in. I shouldn't have told you to go so far out of the cameras. These are very cheap and shitty cameras. You only need to take a couple

steps to the side to get Lacey. Welcome to to the show. Yeah, the buzzer in again. Yeah, the buzzer in again. And I understand you're going to be reading some news for us. Definitely, I brought you three news stories. Okay. Just to let our last news anchor, news correspondent, her qualifications were what? She liked using men as chew toys.

That was one of, no, she was a columnist, she was a writer, a friend of a stereos and a friend of hot wheels. Your qualifications are... I'm an entertainment journalist. I work with In Touch and Life and Style Media. I'm a former Playboy model. Whoa, sorry, what was that? Former Playboy model. what month were you?

October. Oh, that's a good month. I'm not sure about five years ago. It was October, 2010. October, have you ever been to the mansion? No, I've not. I shot actually in Chicago. It was actually for their college edition.

I was attending University of Oregon at the time and they had tryouts and and so we came in, modeled. So you were like one of the college, the college 10 tours. Oh man, I have a very clear memory of that when I used to steal my dad's playboys. You know, me too, that's why I did it. You stole your dad's playboys?

Really? When I was little growing up, I was fascinated by them. I literally could not get enough of them. My parents would catch me all the time. I locked myself in the bathroom. I was like a little boy. Oh my God. Why?

What about them? I'm not as fascinated by the female body. It's something like a beautiful. Like from a young age. And it wasn't weird. I was super like, I just liked it. I just thought I was sexy. I had interesting, different.

And so you like the female body. Yeah. Oh man, that's great. When you- Me too. Yeah, we got so much in common. I imagine a lot of listeners do too. That is a secret thing too with women.

That's a dick tip for you. They love, they can look, they love looking at other women. Absolutely true. Very common, very common, much more common than the reverse. Oh. You will not find a lot of guys who like want to load up an old American gladiators, men only while you're banging.

But flipping through some point. Where women are so beautiful though, like how could you? Where you are worried about getting caught, like because I was terrified. I got a whole time, I was in bed. Like they would have to hide him from me. Well, you were really bad at sneaking them then.

I know. Yeah, it was the fear of God that kept me from getting caught with my dad's playboys. Really? Yeah, but your dad, I would think, would be like, out of boy son. Yeah, I don't know who I was afraid of then. I guess my mom, like, and she would have just had a stern talking to me.

That's how she disciplined, obviously didn't work. But just something in me was maybe I was afraid of God. I don't know how your parents created you. I think TV did all the heavy lifting. Possibly. Yeah. Were you ever afraid of getting caught with the playboys? But she did get caught. Yeah. I was afraid of afraid of getting caught with the playboys?

But she did get caught. Yeah. I was in afraid of anything. And you just didn't care. I just didn't care. I just kept going back for more. All right, let's get to some news. You're wearing some great shoes, by the way.

Thank you. I don't know who's making some, but. Oh yeah, great boots. Do they look a little bit like a lesbian-esque? That's why I was always been afraid of wearing them. Lesbian-esque? Yeah. Do you want them to look lesbian-esque?

Let's say, is that what look lesbian-S? No. Does that what you're going for? No, definitely not. I just had this like, perfectly straight. Yeah, completely. I think, don't let people on the camera see with it. Can they see this? I don't know if I'm flexible.

Yeah, yeah, there you go. I guess we'll see what they think if they look lesbian-S. I don't think so. I don't know what a lesbian-esque footwear looks like. Well, they look like Doc Martins. Yeah. So they don't look so. I don't know what a lesbian-esque footwear looks like. They just look kind of really... Well, they look like Doc Martens. Yeah. So they don't look like that, no. All right, let's get to the news enough of this. Enough of this taudgery sex talk that nobody wants to hear about.

Let's hear some news. So I don't know if you guys have heard or not, but a recent men's birth control study was canceled after men complained of the side effects. I did hear about that. Did you? Yeah. Would you ever take men's birth control if it was not taken in? I would lie about taking it.

You would lie? That's what it took. Just even even up the playing field. Yeah, whatever. Me too. Your birth control makes you crazy. Mine makes me 10 times as fucking crazy. And I double up on it every month.

That's why I'm such a pain in the ass. That's what the biggest complaint was. Their mood swings, they were uncontrollable. And so the men just gonna take it, I don't understand. Yeah, we can't handle it. We can't handle the mood swings. No, we'll take, see here's the difference. You get a men's pill, you get a men's birth control pill,

we'll take them to the second of when we're supposed to take them. Women, they don't do that. You'll hear, this is a phrase you'll hear from a woman every month. Oh, shit, I forgot to take my last three birth control pills. Or, oh, I'm almost, I've been out of birth control for a week and a half. I should probably look at making an appointment.

Man would never do that. We would take it down to the second we're taking that birth control. Well, they made it easier for you. It was just an injection. Well, I think I believe like once every eight weeks, completely fine. What did it do with their hormones? It made them completely erratic. They were having these crazy mood swings

and then they got really bad acne. So. Oh, yeah. No, fuck that. So it's, well, just call them steroids and everyone will take them. Yeah. Yeah.

Give them a steroid chaser. Birth control with a steroid chaser. Yeah. You want to see the increase in murder rate? You get more on that one? I mean, I'm just completely annoyed by it. And the study took place in 2008 and we're just now hearing about it. So that was seven years ago.

Nothing's developed since. It's never going to happen. You don't think? No. Why? It's too hard. Yeah, it's too hard to give men a pill. No, it's a shot.

One is once every eight weeks. But the second it starts, see, here's the thing about men. We need to get exactly what we want or else we will throw a humongous fit. It needs to be exactly, exactly exactly the way we want it. It's got to be like the vasectomy is the closest thing it's ever going to get because it does, it's easy to explain, it cuts it off, it cuts the semen's off and that's it, you're done. There's no surprises, men do not like surprises. If birth control works like a magic show,

where it's like a kaboom, all of a sudden you got a bunch of mood swings, have fun doing like that, we're not gonna tolerate it. We're just not gonna do it. It could come out, we'd never fucking do it because it's like, well, we play a game of chicken. That's it. That's what the birth control situation is.

You're playing a game of chicken where you do not have to deal with the consequences because you can just piece out or do it or you just pay for it. You don't actually, if there was a birth control where there was a 50, 50 coin flip on who actually had to have the kid and like get whatever ruined, like you had to shoot a kid out of your dip.

There'd be no more kids. Not only would there be no more kids, but you would take every fucking birth control imaginable. But as long as we don't actually have to have the kid, never gonna happen because it has to be perfect to a degree that does not exist. Like if it conveniences me at all doing nothing, because my faith in my pullout ability is higher than my faith in anything else on earth, an Apollo 11 astronaut has less faith

in his ability to land a space shuttle on the moon than I have in my ability to pull out after 12 beers. Do you understand? We don't land space shuttles on the moon. Sean, that's a sticking point for me. Okay. That's what I'm gathering from this conversation. That's what I'm gathering from this conversation.

That's what I'm gathering from this conversation. That's what I'm gathering from this conversation. That's what I'm gathering from this conversation. That's what I'm gathering from this conversation. That's what I'm gathering from this conversation. That's what I'm gathering from this conversation. That's what I'm gathering from this conversation. That's what I'm gathering from this conversation. That's what I'm gathering from this conversation. level of confidence in what he does. Dr. Ben Carson, a black Republican, a very smart role model for black people. He's not Jay-Z, but he's just Dr. Ben Carson. Happens to be a prominent neurosurgeon in America, a great role model, right? Okay, he has less confidence in his ability to diagnose someone of having a headache or

not as a brain surgeon, as a prominent American brain surgeon, then I have in my ability to pull out to the nanosecond. You understand? That is how strong, so you, any male pill, has to beat, not only in technology, but also in marketing, has to convince me to take the pill that I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to pulling out.

And I defy no amount of evidence will convince me that I am not the pull out champion of the fucking world. So the second that male pill has any kind of side effects gone. I say pull out, pull out, nope, pull out, pull out. It's going to be to sell a male pill to men. You are facing a hundred and fifty million mupids like the whack-a-mull who are just sitting there going, pull out, pull out, pull out, nope, pull out, it's free. First of all, it's free. So your drugs got to be free. Secondly, it's got to be easier than pulling out in the fantasy in my head. That's what you're up against. It's way surprising, then, though.

The majority of men said that they would take it if it became available. Really? They're lying. They're all lying. I don't know. Every single one of them, I've said it that I would, but I would not.

I would never do it. In the beginning. I said I would, but I'm lying. I wouldn't do it. What else you got? The next on the table for you, I don't know. I thought this we could all bond over this, but Los Vegas is being deemed the new Amsterdam. What are your thoughts on legalizing pot for it?

The new Amsterdam over pot. Yeah, over wow. That would be pretty cool. I've always been for legal at the risk of a bunch of fucking jokes for these mother fuckers. There's just no reason why it shouldn't be legal. Yeah. I don't think there is. There's no reason. Yeah. There's been a lot of pushback in Nevada by the Nevada Resort Association.

I can some measure due to the fact that it's still legal under the federal law. Many resort owners are against legalizing it because they just don't know how to affect their current business operations. So that's all I tell you is some. It comes down to money at some point. There is nothing that will get more people off of pot than making it readily available. Really?

Then making it widely available so that everybody could see what you really look like. Like a pot head seeing a grown-ass adult talking about, like saying like, wow, man, what if God is a woman? That will make them put down the doobie. You know what? I don't think that's too far-fetched. What I'm saying? The people that I know who have smoked pot

for years and years and years, and this. What do you mean, that's not too far-fetched? You think saying the most of the things I say are far-fetched and that this one specifically is? No, no, no. No, my first reaction was like, no, it's not gonna make anybody put down weed. But I thought about it after five seconds of you speaking.

And the people that I know that have smoked a lot of pot for a long time, they all end up the same way in their head. They're all a bit paranoid. Yeah. All the time, little conspiratorial, and it happens really gradually. And it's funny because I never really thought that it did that, and I believe that it does. If you do it kind of all, you know, if you're a real stoner, a waken-bank guy, it does.

It changes the way you think because you start looking at the world from a little bit different angle and you start thinking you're right. Well, that's why people do it is just to open up and become more accepting, I guess. Is it as dangerous as alcohol? Fuck no. No. I don't like dealing with the people who I used to know as being different than that. I just go, God, dear.

Who then what? They started smoking a lot of pot and then they're kind of obnoxious. It's just no, they always smoke a lot of pot, but now over the course of like 10 or 15 years, they've continued to do it. And they're all a little different. Yeah. A little different started. What's that? Still as heavy when they first started. Oh, yeah. Just as heavy. Yeah, because they don't get, you know, you don't get super

high if you do it all the time. Take a month off, you get baked. Well, here's what I remember about Amsterdam. So they want to become Amsterdam specifically. Sean and I actually went to Amsterdam. We went on a whirlwind tour of Amsterdam. We hit Amsterdam so hard. Sean and I drank an entire keg of John Smith. We did.

In one bar. It was over the course of our Amsterdam trip. And that was our... Have their special cake for you? They should have, we should have taken it home. They should have offered us that cake to table. We came in, sat there, started drinking, and they said it's a brand new cake.

Then however many days later, when we left, when we left, we asked many days later. Look guys, we're out of John Smith. They're like, you two guys drank the entire cake. I remember that. The attitude that we got from asking where pot was legal? And what was the deal? Can you smoke it?

Where can you smoke it? That giggling phase, you go, like, oh, can you smoke it here? Such a novelty. And one of the locals said, you know, you guys must be tourists because you're asking local people here, they just, they don't do it as much

because it's everywhere. And you see the tourists coming in and making assholes out of themselves and you kind of just, it turns you off of the experience, right? Because we're all trying to look cool, right? Yeah, and that's why you can't smoke on TV and movies. They're not looking cool. What's that?

So did you enjoy it? You look like you weren't. I don't think I spoke pot over there. I don't think I spoke any weed in Amsterdam. No, and I rolled. And I rolled. Yeah. Why? I don't know.

I was drinking like a fucking fish. Yeah. He always does the opposite of what you think he's gonna do. I remember rolling a joint. To the opposite of what I think. I'm gonna do. Shaped like a tree branch when we were there. It was so bad.

Anyway, what else do you guys want? Do you guys remember that white lady that pretended to be black? Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. She just released. Fucking nut job. Complete nut job, total nut job. She just announced that she is releasing her new memoir in full color, finding my way

in black and white world. It will be, it's available right now for pre-order and it's out in March. Oh, fantastic. Are you guys in full color? In full color? In full color. I'm more interested in her now than I was before. Yeah.

Yeah, if she's doubling down on it, yeah. I want to hear, if she goes on TV and says, what's the difference from me saying I'm black, then Bruce Jenner's saying he's Caitlin, I will buy anything she ever writes for the, like, can you imagine that? Yeah. She goes. Well, what she's trying to do to equate those gender and race to being healthy?

That you can just pick whatever the fuck you want to be. That's great. Oh, God. I'm out. Right. I'm out of what out of the earth or out of this. Yeah, I'm done. You're done with society.

Yeah. Oh, you were so engaged before, the guy who doesn't know Pepe the frog, and who goes to Amsterdam and doesn't smoke we? Yeah. I mean, she's freaking banking off of this huge entire lie that she's been telling this whole, her whole entire life's been a lie.

She's got a great bad though. Like, I want to see her break as bad as hard as possible. Right? Start you, like, totally appropriating all of the slang and black culture that she possibly like, I don't want to see her pussy foot into this territory if she is. I want her to be like the ultimate like a real life version of Ali G. The whole the book is going to detail her all of her discrimination from when she's acted as a white woman pretending to be black. All the discrimination that she's faced. Like

what? Like what? That's what we'll find out when it comes out. What kind of discrimination is a beautiful woman, what kind of discrimination do you face? Do I face? Yeah. I feel like I get a lot of discrimination. People judge me based on like my looks.

Yeah. Like they make decisions or like you're stupid. I want to spend time with you because no one's ever looked at me and said like, oh, I'm gonna, I'm so prejudice. I've already gonna decide that I want to spend time with you because no one's ever looked at me and said like, oh, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm so prejudice, I've already going to decide that I want to spend time with this person. Right.

Yeah. They do that to you though. Don't do your hot chick privilege or a bird in the bear. Completely. What are they, what do they, what, I mean, how do you suffer as a hot chick? I want to hear that part. I mean, that's just kind of the worst. I guess people just judge you based on your looks and that's really annoying because there's

just so much more. Well, yeah, but oh, Sean knows what, Sean knows everything about this. He's so handsome. No, I'm just saying people on the other side, they always say, well, boo, who? Yeah. They say, I would love to live as dick for one day. No, it's not. It's actually bad when it comes from women, other women.

That's the worst. No, women, women are terrible. I'm all here to you. I'm terrible to other women. They are degrading down. Oh, it's bad. What's the worst that you got from women? The worst thing.

I mean, you're in playboy. What's the worst feedback that you've gotten from women? Because I imagine you went through a phase where you tried to keep your playboy life separate from your professional life. Because some reason you tried to- Well, that's the big thing when it happened that my dad was really against it. I had to have a sit down with my parents and talk to them about doing playboy and they were not for it at all, because they said eventually it could mean that we'll stick with you

for the rest of your life. Sure. I haven't found it to be hard, like, set up for it. No, definitely not. That's good. I mean, it's nudity. We all have the same bodies. It's completely fine.

No, no, no. It was some graphic, extraneous thing that I was like, we all have the same bodies. Some people would pay three grand to see yours and people would call the police if they saw mine. Yeah. It's all basically the same though. No, no, don't just credit yourself.

I don't need to have it. They're so just credit yourself. I don't need to have it. They're so happy for everybody. I don't need to feel good about my body to feel like a person. I don't have that in me. I don't know a lot of it seems like a lot of people do. That's the message that, oh no. It's not like the message, the prevailing message

in the zeitgeist is not, go ahead and in your brain, detach the idea from being beautiful as being a valuable or a good person Because they're not in any way related and also your fat And also you don't have that one just give it up like go learn how to play ukulele something like that Yeah, exactly alright. I know your meters your meters are running I think you were thank you for stopping by thank you guys for having me. Had a blast. Well good. Yeah, oh, also, what makes you a rage?

A rage. I always ask everybody who comes on the show, what makes you a rage? A rage. I mean, I'm just down to do anything. That's, I'm raging out constantly. This is my favorite emoji sign. Well, this is gonna be like, what's the biggest,

what's the worst thing wrong in the world or in your life personally that you notice? Cause everybody that comes in, they get on a big board of what makes him a rage. Wait, the biggest, I don't get it. You can think, you can think about it. I'm gonna have to think it, I'm gonna have to come back. Nice to see you. Yeah, you, yeah.

Does anything just right now piss you off besides that question? The selection. Well, that's very good. I know. Everybody's over it. I've heard enough answers. Who are you voting for?

Who did you vote for? Hillary Clinton. Oh God, I'll, get out of here. I know. I think you're meter expired. Thanks. Thank you. Did she have two news stories?

What's three? No, two. Oh, shit. Oh, no, no. No, she had three. She had three. She had three on the hill, Vegas, and. And, uh,

no fuck. I don't know this guy's saying it's only two. Alright, let me get this uh... let me call this gentleman are you there? hey, how you doing man? hey man, good! How are you? I'm doing good, how are you?

good, okay I got an email this week that I really want to read here, let me find it you don't mind if I read this email that you sent to you? Yeah, it's all good. So this is the email I got and holy shit, what a stumper. Usually I get emails that I can, I can, what? The story was that Rachel Whitechick who pretends to be.

Oh, okay. Thank you. Sorry. Thank you. Um, usually I get emails that I can bust out a response to on the toilet. Like I can do, I can do three responses per, per poping session. It's where you do your best work. It's where I do my best work.

It'll come in, it'll come in like, hey, I got an email recently that was, hey, Dick, I'm in my 20s. Should I be focused on partying or should I be more focused on my craft on an illustrator? And I'm like, buddy, you gotta ask, you know what the answer is. You know what I'm saying? Like, you, this, that's the type of an advice question that I usually get, but this one, holy shit, man,

this is a real stumper, so I wanted to bring him on. Hey, dick, need a little advice. I'm touching, really stuck me right in my stomach, too. Not in that pre-regret way. They're like in a really bad way. Mm-hmm. Needed a little advice. Not sure whether to ask through email or dustin

or whatever, here's the situation. I'm 16. I just found out that my mom is cheating on my dad. Totally fucked, right? Now, he makes her happy and I don't wanna fuck that up for them. Although I think it's a really shitty thing to do regardless. Read through a few texts between them. The guy is pretty much trying to convince my mother to divorce.

Now if it were up to me, I'd say fuck it. I'm moving out in a couple years. Shouldn't affect me. I'll let it be. I'm moving out in a couple years. Shouldn't affect me. I'll let it be. I mean, they truly make each other happy. He's talking about his mom and the, the, the, the, the, lethario. I assume.

But I have a younger sibling that I want to look out for. I don't want her growing up with divorced parents. I have the guy's number address, social media, whatever. I know I could contact him, but I haven't yet. And I feel if I don't talk to him soon, he would convince my mother to divorce, and that's just a bad situation altogether. The guy has a wife and kids, and I know I could threaten them.

If he pursues it any further, I don't know if it's the right thing to do to contact you, but I feel as if I have no others to tell, I don't know about my family personally,. I don't know about my family personally, who don't know about my family personally, and I kind of wanted the whole dick masters and spin on this situation. If you wanna talk about it in the show, that's fine,

but please change my name if you would. Ah, buddy, what a fff, what a shitty hand to get dealt. No shit. No shit, has anything changed since you sent that email no not really I mean I haven't really pursued it or anything I've just some live life I don't know but really I mean I'm 16 I'm moving out in a couple years I feel like if I really could just leave it alone and let things figure out but I just really want to look out for my sister.

I don't want her having two Christmases and two ounces. All kinds of, I don't want that to happen. I'd rather her happiness over my mom, I get, I don't know. Oh, hell yeah. Okay, so that tells me two things, and this might be wrong, but firstly that you understand the kids should have happiness over the parents. Absolutely.

Especially in matters of romance. Like, romance doesn't fucking matter at all, man. You can go through any man woman. You go through fucking years with nobody. And then you can spin up a lifelong romance on a dime. You go out to a bar one night and you pick somebody up for the rest of your life you could be with that person. Romance matters not at fucking all

compared to that horrible feeling you could give a kid for the rest of their fucking life. Divorce impacts kids. The more they study it, the more they realize how it impacts them as adults. Certainly impacted me a lot. I mean, that's why I wanted to bring this guy on the show because I don't have divorced parents.

And you do. And I feel like there is only academic inside I could give on this and that you could probably give him an actual insight. But what it tells me what's saying that he wants to protect his sister from his hell's your sister, by the way. He's 12. Oh, 12 man.

Oh, that's getting into a real goofy age. You know what he's not, he's not old. I want to be able, okay, if that happens, I'm going to be out of the house. And she's, that's just me alone dealing with all that. So I'm just, I don gonna be out of the house and she's that she's gonna be alone Didn't with all that so I'm just I don't want any of that Hasen dealing with this fucking guy who's questionable at best. I just deal with the whole situation I'm gonna be out out of the house out of the picture altogether. Yeah Well, okay, so you got this impulse in you to protect your sister What's your dad like in all this? Like what kind of guy is he?

You're trying to sleep, though? Yeah, I'm trying to. This is next thing you know, I'm going to be a, Matt is going to release a video of me being a pedophile because I'm asking a 16 year old who's dead. Yeah. What's your dad like in this situation, man? I mean, I think he's clueless. I mean, I really don't think he has any idea.

I mean, but. How did you find it? Yeah. How did you become aware of this? I mean, I really don't think he has any idea. I mean, but... How did you find it? How did you become aware of this? I was suspicious for a while. I mean, she would leave and say she's going to work, but not and be gone for a while. But, and then she doesn't text,

she'd over text, she's got this app, I don't know. But like, she would pull something open on her phone and show me a funny picture in the text and still be open that's that I miss you whatever. It just makes me sick my stomach. Seeing that. Oh my God, I bet. So she's pretty, I don't know, brazen about it. Like what the hell is this the first time this has ever happened?

Have you seen anything like this before? I mean, what does she do? I like what does she do with her time? Because I got this theory that people who don't do things with their time tend to do bad things. She had a business for a while and then that kind of fizzled out and then she's doing part-time jobs, but she met the duties of business. I'm pretty sure. And I've met the dude before. Oh, you've met him before? What's his deal? Sure. And I've met you before. Oh, you've met him before.

What's his deal? It was a long, long time ago, but I remember shaking hands saying what's up, but that was before anything that's happened. I'm pretty sure. And you're saying he's got a wife and kids and everything like that, too. I'm pretty sure he does. Oh, boy. And he knows you, too, because the first thing I was going to say is when you're like a

lot of times guys are into the fantasy of things and into the hookin' up on the side, but the second it becomes real, like the second anybody else is involved, it completely destroys the fantasy. And they, it's not like they choose to do the right thing, but they just pull the parachute and the fantasy is no longer working for them and they're out of there but it sounds like he already has met you and that's not enough yeah wow I mean that's not for any of the situation that happened and that was when they

were just on business I don't know but so you want them to just back off yeah I mean honestly I'm fine with them being together if they make each other happy. That's totally cool. Just as long as it doesn't affect the family. Then it's going to affect the family. Yeah, there's a 12 year old girl there.

Right? Like besides, if it's worth waiting for, you can't wait six years, you know? Like if it's that good. Yeah, get rid of the idea that it's not going to affect the family. Oh man. It's going to affect the family. What do you think about this?

Well, go ahead. I mean, I won't hurt to be happy and I understand, but I mean, I just really don't know. What was your first idea to do? Like if I was in your spot, I would probably want to tell the guy that I know. Yeah, here's the thing. My first thing that I thought of was contacting him.

I've got his phone number, I just don't know if I see the harm in that. But here's the bigger picture. It's not your responsibility to keep that a secret is it true yeah it's not from whom from anybody from anybody from anybody from anybody you're saying you're saying from both parents sometimes parents know that a kid knows and they say hey don't don't say anything i'm gonna you know it's like like that's bullshit. Does your mom know that you know? I don't, I really don't think so. Wow, do you think it would be more,

do you think it would be more beneficial to send her, talk to her about it than this other dude? Cause like, you know, you don't wanna go fight, you don't wanna go get involved, it's not, you're a business thing. So like, go get involved with some other dude, right? And like say, hey, get away from... I just don't, I don't know how I would approach

that situation and confront her and talk about it. I just don't know. Yeah, I mean, that's hard because you conjure up a bunch of scenarios in your mind, but sometimes, it's hard to do, especially when you don't have a lot of experience doing it, you just got to be blunt. Like, there's no, you try to craft the perfect scenario and the perfect words, like we were talking about, like the magical words. Because you do think that if you say the right thing, you'll get the outcome you want,

but that's not. I don't think this is one of those situations. Yeah. You just, like, you go, mom, I know you're cheating on dad. Oh, man. Huge, huge conversation. It's like you go, mom, I know you're cheating on dad. Oh, man. Huge, huge conversation. It's gotta go somewhere from there. Wow.

What do you think she would, what do you think she would say to that? I don't know. I don't know. I can see it be speechless. I'm sure, but I, yeah, I really, really don't know what she would say to that. What do you feel more comfortable confronting the guy about it? Yeah, I really, really don't know which you say to that.

Would you feel more comfortable confronting the guy about it? Well, yeah, because I don't know him very well and I could say whatever and not be worried about it. But with my mom, there's all four situations I could play out, I don't know. Wow, yeah, that sounds, it seems like that internal, like you got that internal, that gut feeling that tends to steer you away from doing the hard thing. Seems like sometimes it's because that's the one,

like that's the hard one. My definition, it's the hard thing. Yeah. The right thing to do is to feel it the harder thing to do. Yeah, man, as you talk about it, it seems like maybe telling her, maybe that would even be enough, like she's been through a loss of a business.

That's gotta be rough. Yeah, but it doesn't excuse anything. No. Well, you know, shit, this guy... I can definitely tell that she's a lot happier now than she was a few years ago. Yeah, but you're thinking about keeping your little sister safe. Yeah.

Yeah. That's, man, that sucks that you even have to weigh that out, but... Do your mom and your dad not have any kind of a good relationship? I mean, is it just like a marriage of convenience? Like, they both go to... They're nice to each other. They'd never fight. You would never know. Which means they just don they're nice to each other. They'd like never fight you, you would never know.

Which means they just don't really care about each other that much, maybe? You know, you can care about somebody and still be cheating on them. Like people are doing it. They're all complicated and bad. And they're, I mean, you know, we're all the, we all have that in us. This is true. Do you think maybe, so what I was saying before about how guys kind of have this fantasy in their mind and when they get involved with the other

end, when they're getting involved with like a married woman or a married woman with kids, and they're saying, oh, I love you, I marry you. But then the second it becomes real where like, oh, yeah, there might actually be a divorce. And I'm going to have to take on a lot of responsibility. And this isn't, this is no be a divorce and I'm gonna have to take on a lot of responsibility and this isn't, this is no longer a fantasy in my head. All the sudden it ruins it for them. Do you think that your mom might respond to it in that kind of way? If you were to say something to her and all the sudden the fantasy became real and she

had to deal with just that. Do you think that might change like that might ruin maybe but the thing is I was reading a couple of times while I haven't even gone through it and forever I just had I saw her phone and I was like you know I'm gonna look through it because I just had suspicions before then and I was like you know you know what I'm just gonna make it real and read it but that they the way they were talking, they feel they're completely justified. Of course, people rationalize the share out of everything they do.

They're saying our wives and husbands aren't, they're not bad people, they really aren't, and there's like some in quotes, and this inspirational shipper Facebook, I'm sure, but it's like, words that mean nothing. They're totally, they think it's totally okay. How long has this been going on? Do you know, Rossi? I first had a suspicion like probably six months ago, but it may have been before that.

Well, dude, I will say this fucking sucks, but not even confronting, like because it's not your, I don't think it's your responsibility to do so. I got a little sister so I get where you're coming from in that regard, but only merely mentioning that you know to your mom might have some kind of effect. Oh, it'll have an effect.

Yeah. Yep, that'll tell her that it's a real thing and I need to chill out a little bit. Yeah, I get that. That gets her out of her in his head. Yeah, look, and this is hard for adults to do, and I mean this in no disrespectful way. You're a kid. You're 16 years old, right?

It's hard for somebody who's 30 to do. He doesn't have the experience to do this or the series of relationships that you don't know what a relationship is really like until you're in one. I don't know. Maybe, you know, maybe he's been through a few. But yeah, man, it's fucking hot teachers, maybe. That's fucked up. It's hard to, it's a hard question. I mean, I think somebody's got to know. I just do, and it's not, it's gonna impact you to keep it in. Oh, yeah.

And you can't, and people get pissed, adults, how could you do that? How could you do that to me? You got to know that you didn't do anything wrong by telling somebody, it ain't your responsibility to keep it in. And you've got to, I think you've got to, especially when it's the truth.

And I, yes, yes. And I think you've got, seems like you've got a good, you know, quote unquote moral compass, where you do care about the family more than, you know, you'd like to protect your sister. That's being a responsible sibling, I think. I think you gotta tell somebody, I don't know just offhand whether it's better to talk to the guy or you know, but you know what though, yeah, you know what I thought that

and be says, he'll probably, you know, he probably would end up telling your mom. I think anyway, to reminder that the kids, her responsibility, you're right, because that you're right. That's the direct, that's the most direct route. You're right, because that you're right. You're right, that's the direct, that's the most direct route. Yeah, you gotta go straight to the parents. I'm with you. All right. Well, dude, go ahead.

All right, I hear that. Yeah. Let us know what you do. Don't let them twist it. And don't let anybody twist it and say that it's your fault in any way. No, that's bullshit. Yeah.

And be careful when it becomes your responsibility to hide the truth because it makes someone feel better. That's a bad spot to be in. It is. And someone's put you in that spot. Yeah, he isn't the one cheating. Yeah. I do appreciate the email.

I really appreciate your calling it. Take a look at the comments, because I bet some, I bet people more qualified than Sean and myself will have input on what to do. You want to have more of that inspiration. Yeah, so check out this site, but I do appreciate the email and I really appreciate your calling it.

Let us know what happens for God's sake. Yeah, I really appreciate what's saying and I'll let you guys know. Yeah man, good luck. Good luck. All right, thanks God's sake. Yeah, I really appreciate what's saying and I'll let you guys know. Yeah, man, good luck. Good luck. All right, thank you guys. Bye. Should I have asked what kind of cans is my man?

Somebody's saying I do that as well. Well, yeah, you know, probably should have done that. But lost opportunity. All right, let me get to. Yeah, that is fucked up, man. That is fucked. It really is. It's one of those times where you realize,

as you get older, that your parents are a lot more flawed than you kind of think they are as a kid. Start paying attention to other people in life and stuff. Or just that people were. Just that nobody ever knew what they were doing and they made you think that way some way and they just, they never fixed what was broken in them from the very beginning. Yeah, I know.

And every single person has that in them that they carry with them for the rest of their fucking life. And that's why nothing ever seems fair and nothing ever seems fixable because it's a network of millions of people who are fucking broken. And it's everything that's broken in them that's sucking them down. Like, that is the, you look at the world to me, looks like the fucking Pacific trash guy. Right? You know what that is? Yeah, it's like it wasn't like the size of Texas or whatever. Like the, yeah, it's about the trash, right? Massive, yeah.

Massive, massive floating trash heap in the middle of the Pacific that's collected all the garbage that's ever been dumped into the ocean. And it's like, it's stuck there. It's becoming a solid land mass of trash. It's the last, the city, the lost city of Atlantis that is risen out of the ocean. And now it's a big trash pile.

It is all of the world's society seems like that to me because you look at the top and it's all of these brands, these products, it's all of these things that people want to seem that they are or think that they are, but the whole thing is just an interconnected pile of trash floating out. You know what I mean? And it's in there's no fixing it. You can't pull, you can't start pulling any of it apart because it's all connected to 16 million other things. You can't start

plucking at it. It's like, God, I just wish all of you pieces would think about it for a minute before you do what you're doing. Just think, just think for a second. Anyway, I'm going to read some of these comments. Last episode, Andrew Corson is the one that sent me the Trump coloring book. How about the general autismo said of you, Sean deleted a bong with another bong. I guess. Yeah. I guess. So that comment. John Bromley says that a stereos escape from the same prison that the three stuages stayed in because of his get up. Uh, here's one. I don't know if you saw this Sean.

It's Sean drinking a diet coke. Oh, I did see that. This thing was fucking great. I want to play a little bit. It's a take off. Um, yeah, I don't know if you can see it. It's a take off of the diet, commercial. Yeah, I don't know if you can see it. It's a take off of the Diet Coke commercial. We're all these women in the office in the 80s, with their fuzzy hair and shoulder pads

are getting up to check out a Diet Coke break. Is it a construction worker, I think? Yeah, some ripped construction workers drinking a Diet Coke. So they got this. They have the original commercial except wherever the buff construction worker is, it's you. Slowly unscrewing your diet coke. How much time do these people have? I don't know. And they, how much footage of you do they look at? Like that they clipped out. That's the best part.

Like that they clipped out, that's the best part. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. Okay, we also got the hot. That was pretty good. I laughed hard. The hot goss oven, Cliff Campbell, that's me serving up a big pizza pie, a goss out from my gossy ovens of demons and their lies. We're cooking up goss.

Oh, let me see. Right there, right there, buddy. You see that? That's my pizza oven with the goss being cooked, let me see. Right there, right there, buddy. You see that? That's my pizza oven with the goss being cooked up inside. And there's the big messy bubbling pizza pie of goss that I'm messing about every week. But it's like, that's what happens when stuff happens with the lying and the implying and the oven.

It becomes goss. It's not the truth turns into goss. And you got to scrape it out of there like my man was saying. Stuff's happening behind everyone's back and now it's his job to stick the fucking pizza pie in there, swirl it around and pull out a big ol' piping pizza, right? That's his job. That's some of our job.

That's just what we do because we got to spatula. Yeah. Numerow per DDo put up an animation on the website. It's he animated the mansplaining rant. I don't know if you saw that. Oh, saw that too. And you, yeah, that's a great one. Yeah, that was cool.

Let's see, I got an email for it's pertaining to lettuce Jones from Andy Creaton. Hey, Dick Loved the Show. I think I might be able to clear up a few of your questions about prison and county. First off, if lettuce is going to prison for a year or less, I could about guarantee he's not going to state prison, but actually county jail,

in which case he should get a near infinite, he should get near infinite collect phone calls and possibly the option to purchase a prepaid phone card. That would be good. He might get you on the approved calling list. So if lettuce Jones is going to prison, then that's good news for us. In which case, he might have to mail you a form

to fill out and mail back to the jail. If he's going to prison, same deal, but at least where I went, you had to schedule your phone times for like a week. And you can send any books, if he's going to prison, you can send any books as long as they come directly from Amazon to the public. So that was Andy Creighton sent that.

It's Creighton sent that. I also got this. This is from Leslie Joed. You remember that name? Leslie Joed was the one allegedly the one who set up the original Dixho 8 Chan board. He says, hey, Dick, I made the 8 Chan board. Same guy who called.

No, that was, that was the guy who posted the rape list. Oh, this is just Leslie. Was that really the guy I want to know? I don't know. He seemed pretty sincere, but who the fuck knows? He made the eight-chan board. Leslie Jones says, I made the board. I linked to it from here. It was meant to be a fan board. I made three threads on the board, the welcome post, the banner thread, and then the, the TDS is for Cox thread. Initially, the reddit thread got four upvotes on the Dix show subreddit. A little while later, the rape thread was made. It could have been my Maddox. He says, nobody knows. I don't know. He finds it suspicious that only a few thread. Anyway, please understand that I never meant to hurt you or damage your reputation anyway. Ah, that's nice of

him. I don't, I don't think I ever blame this guy. He just created a board. What Maddox has done is entirely disgraceful and I'll go so far as to say the person who posted the rate thread isn't in the wrong, no matter how disgusting it is, you're as responsible for someone posting something on the internet as I am or Maddox,

is there anybody else's? So that's Leslie John. So his name is cleared. His name is cleared in my eyes. Cool. Here's one's in my eyes. Cool. Here's one's about the debate. Hey, Dick, just listen to your debate against weepy anchor baby, boisterous coconuts.

Did you catch that in the debate? He said his parents moved here from Greece. So he's technically an anchor baby. He was born here. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone else caught that except us. I really took exception to something he said that basically has become the left's party

line on immigration. Immigrants do the jobs that white Americans just won't do. This is something that you've never, ever hear a working class person ever actually say. Could you imagine a truck driver saying that immigrants aren't a threat to his job as a living embodiment of our cultural's decadence and decaying value system, but they are to mine. Well, jabbit boisterous. Any who a quick personal anecdote, I work in a residential building in Manhattan at the front desk. It's a union building and everyone that works there makes the same wage about 50K. It's a really nice job for people who are basically uneducated

but who are professional in one work hard portals of the guys that keep the buildings clean and they're in the union to most portors and NYC are albanian fresh off the boat usually when they start so apparently u.s. immigration law allows immigrants to sign up family members for employment visas. They get pipelined into these jobs and they can't speak English. Why, though, it's a job that Americans really can't do. There aren't like probably a hundred million Americans here already that wouldn't

be thrilled to make 60K a year for mopping and sweeping up haters. Yeah, I agree with that. So he says that's where our middle class went to red Baron. Well, we'll see. Okay, let's get Dustin on the phone. Dustin's got some questions from Facebook. I want to talk to him too. Dustin, you there. Hey, what's going on guys? Hey, what's up buddy?

You're awfully happy. Yeah, you are happy. Did you get any flack from being the moderator for the debate last week? Not really. I guess some people said that I wasn't as, like, interjective as I should have been. I said that. But like, what you guys got going? What you guys got

jumping on your, you know, on your roles? I didn't really want to, I didn't want to throw you off your game. So good. Well, you did a great job rigging the model, the debate for me. You're a noted Cuck comment was hilarious too. Yeah. Yeah. I was introduced to Ariel. Shots. Yeah. Shots fired. I was fine. I was fine. I was fine. I was fine. And she was laughing. So that was good. Comment was hilarious too. Yeah, yeah, yeah shots fired White heard that one and she was laughing so that was good. You got some questions from Facebook for us. I do I do This is an interesting one and I think a lot of guys have probably been in the situation before but Josh Dykes is wondering

Hey, Dick, have you ever been with a woman whose parents hated you if so what did you do about it? I'm going through the situation right now and it's pure hell. Oh, they see a young guy? I don't have an age on you, but I think so. I think he's in his 20s. Yeah, their parents don't fucking matter. That's such a weird spot to be in as a kid.

Fighting over parents like Romeo and Juliet's style. Fighting over the parents. I mean, if they're not like hindering you sneaking off and banging, then they're of no concern. Yeah, it makes like, it makes family get together. It's kind of awkward when you show up though and they're like, oh, fuck this guy basically. That's never happened to me because I'm very charming to be around.

I don't know, even parents who moms hated me immediately, I somehow win them over. Yeah. Just be it, here's my advice for him, be a different person. What, like, you know, you went through the trouble of posting about the problem, of asking for advice for it. So just go through the trouble of being

someone totally different. Like be whoever they want you to be. The whole point is, the whole point of parents is to make the girl happy. Like that's the point of them. You don't want, why would you want to be liked for who you are by parents? Doesn't fucking work on you, like being liked for who you are by your own fucking parents, that's it, you would not hesitate to lie to your own parents about who you are if you thought it would make be a pain in the ass for you, right? Like if your parents catch you doing something,

you know that they don't want, your first answer is either, oh, I didn't do that, or it's some way of sticking it to them. Like, yeah, I did do that. Guess what, I am fucking doing that, fuck you. Nobody cares about pleasing their own parents to that degree. So you got a girlfriend or a boyfriend, parents,

whatever, just be whatever they fucking want. Who cares? Why are you making it a pain in the ass for the other person? Just be, that's a gift you can give your significant other. It's just be whatever their parents want you to be and then get in the car and say, Hey, how did I do? How was that act that I just ran on them? And don't fucking hit me with the you want you don't need to lie to your parents because you do it all the fucking time. Everybody does

it all the time. That's the way. Yeah, anyway, go ahead. Yeah, it's like it's like how are you acting around these people that make them not like you. Do you not know basics of social interaction? Yeah, or maybe they just have it out for you. Maybe there was, they wanted to set her up with somebody else and they just don't like you. Maybe you wore the wrong fucking hat. Maybe it's, people are crazy. People are crazy with their kids.

This is, think about it like this. Like, if the daughter was an old GTO, like a 68GTO that they'd sunk 50, that the dad had just sunk 60 grand in and you had to convince him to take that GTO out, you would lie your fucking ass off to get in that car. It's the same thing, except he's been dropping 50 grand a year for 18 years on the daughter. So it's on you, you change your fucking act.

If you want the parents to like you, be somebody else. Everybody can do that. I don't think that's so hard, is it Sean? No, no, no, it isn't. Oh, and a lot of times you learn it at kind of a young age too. Yeah, okay. What else you got? Moving on, Hayden Curtis, at the, your nephews are about to become adults.

What is one piece of advice you would give them about being a man? Oh my God, about being a man. Yep. Let me think about that for a minute. Man, I hope I'm not that guy. I hope I'm not that guy. It's always giving advice. It's so presumptuous.

Yeah, it's so, it always feels so presumptuous when you get advice out of the blue. My dad has given me maybe three pieces of advice my entire life. And that is my dad. I don't know if I've ever gotten actual advice from an uncle or at least I can't remember it.

The best advice he's ever given is to use other people's money. Well, that's, yeah. Yeah, the best advice he's ever given me is to use other people's money. And if it's bad for them and good for you, it's probably illegal. If it's good for you and bad for them,

it's probably illegal. If it's good for you and bad for them, it's probably illegal. If it's bad for you and good for them, do whatever you have to do to get out of it. Like that's what you should expect out of life. I remember learning those lessons when I was a little kid. I remember the first one, it's probably the first thing I ever learned from my dad. And the second one, I remember him telling me

when I was maybe 12 years old, and I have never seen an instance where that is not true. Yeah. Well, your dad has a real good business mind too. Yeah. He's done real well for himself and you know, coming to good. He's where did he grow up? There's no way to tell. There's no way to get an accurate gauge of his, according to him, he grew up in the jungles of Venezuela and learned to speak Spanish first. Yeah.

And he's a real man of mystery still to this day. What else you got? You got any advice for little kids? For men, how to be a man? Sean, have as many experiences as you can. That's good one. At a young age, like just try stuff. I used to think that you could reason your way through life.

And man was I wrong. You know, I'm a smart guy. What do you mean reason your way through life? Through different social situations, relationships, stuff like that. Like, oh, I know what to do. Like, blah, blah, blah. But let's have the experience. Because you don't know exactly how that other person's

going to react to whatever that interaction is with different situations. Try to have some experiences. Yeah. The only advice I would give is if you ever fuck up, tell me first, don't tell, tell me first, because I don't care. Yeah. Before you go to the cops, say, no, no, no, never don't care. Before you go to the cops. Before you go to, no, no, never go to the cops.

Never go to the cops. What's what I'm saying? You could talk to your friends first to your uncles, because they'll tell you, buddy, fucking hide this shit. Yeah, don't tell. Everybody gets that horrible need to tell somebody secrets to Honolabay that you tell me. You're like the cleaner.

I'm like, you're fucking priests. You're the wolf, you're Harvey Kitell. I'll never tell anybody. Just tell me, and it will, I will the cleaner me. You're like the cleaner. I'm like, you're fucking priests. You're the wolf. You're Harvey Kitelle. I'll never tell anybody. Just tell me and it will die with me. Okay, what else you got? One more. One more question. Joshua Hemsley, he wants to know,

did we ever get the story of dick being recognized in the street? Oh my God. That's too long of a story. Wasn't that the movie theater one or whatever where you went and got a chair or something like that? No, no, no, it happened in Vegas. No, it happened in Vegas.

I'll tell that one later. I got to get you on earlier next time. Okay. All right. Hey, so when are you going to do another man on the street type of video? Because you're very good at that. You think honestly, do you really mean that? Or you're just saying that shit?

Well, I think the way to be good at that is to have the balls to with a straight face ask people insane questions. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is very, I will say that is very difficult.

The hardest part about it is actually getting people to agree to be on camera. Like nobody wants to be on camera and especially when you get into, you know, when you start asking these questions, a lot of them are just like, all right, I'm out of this, I gotta get away. So actually getting the footage, that's like the most difficult part of it. But I would love to do more as soon as possible. So you gotta rope them in with something, get them to give their opinion on something first.

I do, and now that the election's over, we really need to scratch our heads and think of some good topics to discuss with strangers on the street that could be as awkward and as uncomfortable as possible. So if anyone has any suggestions, you know, post it in the group. You got a big, you got a lot of people in there. You got a whole division in that Facebook group, figure it out in there and let me know

what the topic is. I'll have to ask Adam Nash. I'm sure we'll have something some shit to say about it. Who's Adam Nash? You don't, oh my God. Is he'll have something some shit to say about it. Who's Adam Nash? Is he the guy that's gonna fight David Clegg? Did you know? Is anything happening with the fist fight? With actually the fist fight, I'm not,

that actually didn't happen. He called him out on it in the group and I don't have his name in front of me. I think it might be Jamie. Oh God, I can't remember his name. Anyway, this dude called out Clegg gave him a time in a place offered to buy his plane ticket to fly to him to have a fist fight.

My David Clegg, this guy from the room. That was going to be televised. It was going to be broadcast. He's going to be on broadcast. He's going to be in the West. Okay. Oh, yeah, Facebook live. Okay. Yeah. But what happened to that? I was really looking forward to see who won that fight.

You know, I think I think Clegg fell asleep. I think he What really happened? Did he put sound accident? So did Clegg put sound? Is that what happened? Basically, there's there's been no response from Clegg He just just called out he tagged a minute. We know he saw it He definitely had to see it because so many people were tagging. There was events made. People made events in the group and invited Clegg, Clegg was in the event. He had to fucking see it before he left the event. So his inaction is complete and fucking pussery on his part for not taking part.

Not even a question. I don't know. I would love there to be a title fight for this show. So we can have a real, I mean, everything's a competition. We need a real heavyweight champion of the Dix show. You could get Casey Koop and Luzani Aluni, whatever the hell their names are. You could get them in and on the title fight as Cardinals. You got a problem with Lacey Aluni?

No, no, Lacey Aluni was great. They both are great. But I'm just saying you can have them as title cards. You know, we get Jamie. Oh, I see, bringing out the title cards. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, let me know if the fight develops. I Will I absolutely will and before also to this is kind of this is kind of of of note For people that aren't in in the Facebook group. There's a gentleman named Adam Nash who constantly

a gentleman named Adam Nash who constantly shit posts. He's basically ascended onto a new level, a new plane of Facebook and really social media existence. He constantly shit posts 24 hours a day. What about George Sears? Yeah, what about George Sears? It's not, no, he's not George Sears. George Sears is still around. Yeah.

Wasn't he the shitposting king? The title holder? He's like, no, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's like, the legendary, uh, fuck you for being an asshole on the internet kind of guy. He'll get, he'll get back at you for doing a track of all these guys. Okay, so, so Adam Nash. Adam Nash is just a shitposter. He posts like constantly.

He tags, he once bought a Facebook paid social media post like you know you can do an advertisement yeah just to tag David Clegg in it so that his notifications fucking explode like that is what he does it's like constant Facebook group it's insane but it's constantly it constantly and it's constant insanity. People are posting me what's going on in the group on Twitter. These are all the things that I would never an a million years think of to do. They do it all day. It's like it's so ingenious. The stuff. People post pictures of him as like the Pope as like saints. I honestly I would like to give him his own title if that's possible. The very first title awarded in the Dic show Facebook group, which is patron saint of

ship posting. So from now on, Adam Nash is known as the patron saint of ship posting. It's absolute insanity in the group 24 seven. And oh, he got hit by a fucking motorcycle. Just while he was ship posting. I would assume. group 24 seven and oh he got hit by a fucking motorcycle. Just- Just you was shit posting? I would assume, I would assume so, but he posted a picture to the group he is face.

It's like some kind of fucked up like vanilla sky nightmare. He got nailed by a motorcycle and I hope he's all right. I mean, he's been posting since then, but that did in fact happen. So fuck. Jesus. All right. Well, I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to say. Yeah. All right, Dustin. Thanks for calling in. Thanks, buddy. Thanks for having me. Have a good week. You too. You've been listening to the Dix show. The shop is now open. The store shop. The Dix show

.com stickers. I got like a thousand stickers immediately sold out, but there's no, there's more coming. There's more coming. There's shirts on the store. The shirts look great. I'll post some pictures just so people can see what kind of shirt they're getting because they want to know if a large is, is, is, is the right order for them? Like that should I order a large or an extra large? That's the comment I got this week. So I'm going to run different. They all run different. It's still weird how that happens in like a fucking t-shirt. You can't get anything right in this world. And even the clothes that you put on your back. So I'm going to do what I can and put up

some some pictures of me in a shirt so you can see what they look like. Shopped out the dickshow.com. Go to the dickshow.com. Patreon.com slash the dick show dot com go to the dick show dot com uh... patreon dot com slash the dick show c next Tuesday discovers by codey yardley here you go Yeah, it's cool, right? Yep. Look, go to the side going here more of that. Hey, David, what is John's?

First of all, I gotta say, what have you known with your hair? I mean, it looks great. Oh, you're hair You just look really stupid, but now it's got like this. It's got this bounce of dilliness to it You look like parsing I I really I want to see you like do a little parsing in pop place. I have done Charizard. All right. I lost the costume more important I guess I'm gonna lose it. I'm gonna do the smoke if Sean did that penis mold I mean you could milk that for like almost years. Think about it.

You could probably, you could sell a Patreon's like, yeah, hey, 20 bucks a month and I'll, I'll show you a video of Sean's penis mold, you know, getting, I don't know, lubed up, like a lubed like streaming of Sean's dick getting all lubed up. That'd be a whole lot of suggestions on how to pay you to show you dick on line You know dick dick dick mold would probably be like to grandma. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm talking about I'm standing all right, so anyway listen The jail shit no internet no internet at all. This is what kind of jail is like all right you go It's like the ill kind of like Sean said a lot of people say the president is better than jail and i can't from what it sounds like i

kind of you know would rather go to jail something to get more freedom but i guess that's like more more uh... freedom to get shanked so i mean i'm not really afraid of that stuff i'm more of like you know the person was probably going to be uh... probably doing the shank in a little bit. Not much, but no phone.

I get to go on the phone. It's really expensive. How expensive. What we really got to do is set it up perfectly because I think I get maybe like one or two free phone calls, you know, whatever. I'm going to stop talking about this this. I'm gonna look it up. I'm calling next week with the plan, all right But I will tell you I want the dickhead army to send me books because that's the one thing you can send I think you can maybe send like handwritten letters or letters in general, but they look over it

You know everything gets like scrubbed it down, I don't know what they do, but it's hard to get shit through. But books, they will take in books from like Amazon or legitimate companies, no questions asked from what, from what I know. Because they know that a legitimate company isn't gonna be, you know, put in drugs in the lining of the books, right?

You know, like, Amazon's not gonna be helping me out, smuggling shit into the jail. So, what I want is a dickhead army to send me some reading materials. Is that the man's name? That's the kind of jail it. It's just sitting in your cell and reading. You get to go out and watch TV,

which is kind of fun. They actually have cable in there, believe it or not. But, you know, I believe it. So, yeah, send me some books, send me some money if you're really nice. And maybe as a Patreon special, you can get a little call from what it's shown in jail. Everybody's got a Patreon. Now he's pitch up hard. Now yeah, what the fuck? Sean think I'm black. Everyone else. That was the end of that voice. I've had a lot of people say that I'm Italian. I've had a lot of people say that I'm from New

New York. I don't know. So you know what? I'm just going to leave it. I'm going to leave it as a mystery. I want people to guess my race. All right. And if you guess my race, go on Twitter, tweet at me, guess my race. If you get it right, you're going to shout out from let us know. It's a good show. All right. That's a good contest. And I was going to make a joke about Sean and Italian stuff, but this is a wrong podcast. But he didn't give... I... There's no way to send him books. He didn't give any information. I just didn't have the address yet.

I didn't have the Patreon. I don't know what the link is though. But I have a Patreon. All right, what a Patreon. You want to search latest jokes. And a little research. He'll call that next week. All the money he needs to eat like a king a little research, he'll call that next time.

All money he needs to eat like a king in jail, talking cookies, chips, Reese's Pieces, whatever. I'm going to get it all on commentary, because you know, if you got money, you can do, you can live decent in there, I guess. I don't know, I was decent in there, I guess. I don't know, I was lonely in there for a month and I didn't have much money. Also, I may write a book, you know,

Mad Cux has inspired me. All right. Write a book in jail, blah, blah, blah, whatever. This voice mouth sucks. All right, see you, Dick. I thought he said he was black and one of the early ones. I don't know. Well, you can't leave any way to get him that.

We should ask him like what some of his favorite things are. Oh, and try to determine his race on that. Yeah, okay. Yeah, he's got to give his word. He'll be honest. No, he really seems like I'm standing. No, he said he wouldn't be doing the shanking and he wouldn't do a lot of it. Yeah, well, you can't ask for more honesty than that.

That's good. Yeah. Foods, cars, hobbies, all that kind of shank. Women, women, women, first experiences. Yeah. Rodic stories from Let Us Jones, all of this stuff is important. OK. Hey, Dick.

Just watch the episode 22 with the baby queen you and Bushers cook us. I'm going to say I enjoyed the show out of it, but holy shit, that ending there, a spirit is going on about how like Trump doesn't resonate with women and Trump is so awful with women. That is such bullshit. I love the shit out of Trump. I love his the grabbing comments because you know what guess what a lot of women would like to be grabbed by the pussy but it's fucking brilliant i think it's unbelievable that uh... leftist have this a thing that comes up women hate him and and yes maybe a lot of us

do but you know what i don't and uh... you close the deal on me anytime if you know what i'm saying. Anyway, I love to show, love you. I still love Bush or Soak Nuts, but no, come on man, we love Trump. Make America good, I'm great again. Bye. I love hearing that this is what women want. And like, as soon as I hear that, boom.

Let's see, how many more of these you wanna put on? I don't know, I'll play a good one. John, what the fuck, man? You don't like fucking video games. You don't know what type of frog is. Like, oh, I don't, I would never know what that is. I never go in the internet. What do you even fucking do, man?

You like to record a couple of podcasts for a day and a half a week. Fuck you, man. Fuck you. Oh, what do you even fucking do man? You like it? Reign a couple of podcasts for a day and a half a week fucking in Fuck you. Oh, what do you do? What do you do every day? I like I talk to people in person. Oh, yeah, how many? Well it worked like all day every day Yeah, I'm actually surprised I didn't know what that was Pepe because like I am believe it or, like up on most of the memes. Because you kind of can't get away from it. This is one we can all relate to.

Alright. I got something for you, Dick. Women know how to fucking kill a garden. I would never allow my significant other to garden. I mean, you can fetch your life on the fact that within one week you'll have plants withering. Then, she'll fucking throw down some cow manure. But forget the water the damn manure in. So now there's literal brown shit everywhere.

Next thing you know, the overwater the dead things because they fucking let it turn into a goddamn mess, it turns into a fucking cesspool. I mean, it looks out there like the damn lake that the Loch Ness monster would live in. The whole backyard now fucking smells. Then on top of that, you now have your neighbor bitching about the smell

because let's not forget all that water just fucking rotted all those roots away the next thing you know you're in your fight with your next door neighbor he's pissed at the damn stint because clearly is either your wife's garden your wife's ass are fucking wrong sewage so he insults your wife you punch the fucker because he fucking well deserved it then the cops are called

his wife is screaming like Michaelson to get like getting off the child porn while your wife assumes a fetal position crying in the corner then you get hold off the jail all because some fucking ass garden next thing you know your kids are stopped coming to visit you they'll say oh what a fuck up daddy is because your mom was served because you know the fucking mom will start feeding stories about her dnp's and shit garden cause her your father to fucking beat you ever living shit out of the next door neighbor then he come then the fucking

real kicker is that she'll start telling the kids oh it's not my fault your fucking fathers and jail because he fucking beat the shit out of the neighbor it's all her fucking fault you know what if she had a had a fucking garden to begin with we went in up with a god damn cesspool is fucking stench. The end result never let your significant other have a garden because you'll end up in jail without kids We'll never want to see you. Gardening is not for pussy's There you go. All right, dude Okay Put a stack in it

Put a sack in it.