The Dick Show - Episode 239 - Dick on Lonely Mouths

Episode Date: December 29, 2020

A Christmas sick-out, family is just a number, getting over a girl, surprises in the omnibus nightmare, having a lonely mouth, holocaust and election denying, "birthing people", going to school until you get molested, Chris the Kiwi calls in, herd immunity, grandpa's vintage pornography, cross-dressing incest, organizing your wires, and some Tampa audio is recovered; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

That's a scheming laugh if I ever heard one. Oh, I forgot to join Discord. Oh no. Look at that smug cock sucker. Look at that fucking face. You're putting on a few pounds. Where? Right now. Oh. Look at that fucking face You're putting on a few pounds where right now?

Oh god come on That's not nice. I'm putting on a few pounds. I'm an eaten fucking pie. Yeah pie like there's no tomorrow Why pie? Because fucking the girlfriend brings home pies. I hate to do that. Yeah,, I have I don't have any self control. No, I don't. No. You know, I did do though. I've been It's really fun. You know what a reflex bag is or a cobra bag. No for boxing. No. It's like a It's like a speed bag mounted on the end of a of a pole that is separated from another pole with a heavy base by a spring, right?

So like it, it's like a, you know, you've seen those double ended bags that are attached to the floor on the ceiling that basically just goes back and forth. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Well, this one goes kind of,

this one kind of goes everywhere. So you can, you can, you know, combination and slip, do all that kind of stuff. It's great workout. What do you box your boxing at home? Yeah, because I got a, I got a, like a giant garage. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's huge. I can hold it up. A two-way double-ended boxing, dildo. No, no, no, no, it's just attached to a base. It's got a spring. So it moves like this. Oh, okay. It's cool. It's like pretty self-contained like this. You can. Okay. It's cool. It's like pretty self-contained.

So it's fun. You're in the garage boxing. Yeah. Trying to, trying to, trying to knock it that. Isn't that. You as insane a little bit. No, it's being an old like boxing man. It's a great relief.

Or a great release. It's a great release. Yeah. It's fun. You better not get too into that. That's like, that's like montage level crazy than you're doing. Boxing? Well, yourself in a real box.

It's just a workout. It's going to escalate to real boxing before you know it. You're going to need a real thrill. You're going to lose so much weight. I doubt it. You're going to be shredded, actually. Yeah. I don't work out hard enough to ever get shredded again.

Believe me, it's fun though. I did. It sounds fun. It's really fun. It's all the way like. Well, yeah, you can adjust the height of it too, but that's the thing. You can hit it with combinations,

and it'll come, it'll hitch in the face. You know what I mean? If you don't move, it's called a reflex bag. A reflex reflex bag or a cobra bag because it, you know, it kind of strikes like a cobra. It's fun. That I've got the base filled with water. I need to fill it with sand. Yes. Oh, okay. And that hits you back. Oh, it'll go back and hit you in the face. Yeah. I give that a shot. You put on like eye the tiger 10 hour remix of I the tiger Exactly. Damn, every remix from every country.

Yeah. Got the V. I got the V. I got the V. I got the V. I got it. I got it. I got it.

Ego. Wow. Wow. Why are they on the 30 bucks? 30 bucks. How much you pay for yours? More. Overpaid. You got it. I looked at me. I was that got all the deals I wonder one that wouldn't break

Oh apparently some of them is that apparently some of them like a couple hundred. This is you right here this fucking guy look at this There's some great around some great demos on it like some some real good fighters who use them. What puts you this idea in your head? Because, well, one, because I love boxing. Okay. I was doing like boxing workouts anyway, like shadow boxing shit for cardio. Yeah. Because. How does that look?

Does that, is that good here? Pretty good, yeah. Yeah, look at that. Oh. Okay. So I was like, well, it's fun to, it's just, it's something's gotta keep me interested. Yeah, thank you. Because I fucking hate you.

Oh, thank you. That was what Pilates was. Oh, man, I was so interested in going to those classes and bum rushing the instructor after class. Yes, well, that's a. Ah, Pilates were definitely interesting. Iates were definitely two chicks in my Pilates class are doing now. Probably been not two.

Doing any, there was two that were worth going for. I see. Who mama Pilates meant? Well that shit can get you in fucking shape. This what I'm dealing with right now, but the opposite of this. Yeah, that's what are you gain weight too? Off some.

I just eat disgusting. I've been trying to set new records for drinking. Really? Yeah, well, I eat constantly. Constantly. Dude, like, so much. Nothing to do. Right, there's so much.

Right, so much. And there's nothing to do. I found a new word for eating because your mouth is lonely. It's like, kick on Matsu or some Japanese word that means eating because your mouth is lonely. Really? Eating because your mouth feels lonely. I'm gonna change my middle name to Kichi Sabishi.

Is it like a strange translation? I mean, it means, you know what I mean? Like it obviously means something. You know, more normal. Is it like a strange translation? I mean, it means, you know what I mean? It obviously means something, you know, more normal when your mouth is lonely. Yeah, do it. Put some food, something else in there. I don't know what the something else is,

so I'm just gonna put food. Right, I can think of a bearing on the side of food. I can think of a lot worse than food to go in my mouth. That's for other people. It's than food to go in my mouth. That's for what I'm saying. It's for other people. It's for other people. Oh my God, I don't even know what kind of a show we have today.

I know I have a shitload of notes. I have a really wonderful call that might be calling in. Oh, fingers crossed. Oh, what is this? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, great. Got dammit timing. Got dammit timing. Got dammit timing.

Cause I had it, I was in here, digging around, watching television. You were? Yeah. Got to get away from all of them. We have to do a, who are these podcasts? Okay. Cross over.

I mean, you know Carl's email. You could easily email Carl yourself. I do. I meant to the other day and I didn't. So I just't, so I'm bringing it up here, so I have no responsibility in it. Well, hallelujah. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Yeah

I wonder if you want to get you to get you to get you got it as the showers are contests Give me a lot from now. I'm talking to you in the heart and see how you feel your I mean how sick Matching okay, there's not even a million dollars man for the America's worst Mexican 89 weeks running Although although I have recovered some Tampa audio Yes, I don't feel quite as worse as I have the last three weeks Self-Vigible it sounds totally usable. It's a usable. That's what I'm it sounds clear That's what all I want to be in my life is you Give it to me. I'll throw something man ever wants is just put me in coach Just I don't even need to touch the ball actually. I just want to be on the field. That's right. I just want to be used

I just want to be on the field. That's right. I just want to be used. America's Word is Mexican. 89's me trying and joining me is always world-trying, other based comedians showing the auto engineer. Hello, Dick. The coomianist.

What's up? Is that my Twitter? No, still going. Still rocking the comb. Well, how long do you think that can go for? Another couple hours, tops. Couple hours, tops. A couple hours.

So you don't even know what you did the last time is at the hating banevate? All of this is because I told Chris Reagan to eat his cinder block that one time. Well, if you just met you on a list. Yeah, I got you all at that. You're just not just, you're just fucking done forever.

There you go. You're not using this platform anymore. Oh, damn it. Is that the latest road rid shirt? What do you think? I think it's fucking cool. Cool shit. Pretty cool shirt.

Yeah. Get him at shop.nig.show. There's a couple of extras we got up there. That's cool. Get them. What is your size? What do you use? Mediums, mom.

Me? Yeah. No, I'm a large. You're large? Yeah. We got lots of large. I don't know why. Every city is different.

I go with, I'm, I'm, okay. Be honest. What percentage of shirts are like XL or larger? I'll be honest with you. Yeah. So I will, I think in Chicago, I had the three X's and the four X ran out immediately. There's three X's and four X's. Yeah, we got some, we got some big boys coming to the show.

I just don't, I don't wanna guys buy two, three tickets just so they can sit down. Oh, I don't wanna hear that. And then I'll ramp up the three X's for the next show, and it'll be a city full of twinks. Yeah. All the smalls will be gone. What the hell?

Have you noticed which city? And I think was a surprise. It was this big score. It was a good guy's. I made about, I made about probably 203 XLs thinking at Lanna, it's going to be a bunch of big fat guys, but I was, every time I get it wrong. What do I, yeah, I probably lose money on the shirts, to be honest with you. Yeah, because I don't keep track of this shit, you know.

Every end of the year, man, I really got to get better at my keeping track of things. Accounting for next year. I really got to get a handle on this whole health insurance thing. Yeah, oh. Oh, yeah, you talked about health insurance, but do you have reasonable health insurance? I mean, well, no, because they just,

no, they just ask for 400 bucks. So what do you email me? So it's like, you're really getting raped on your health insurance. You gotta, you're doing it wrong. So okay, what should I do? Well, don't use it. Got a column.

Don't use it. Call them and see if you can get things wrong. Oh, call them. No, why not? What do you mean, call them and say what? I'd like to pay less. This is a proposal you're giving me. Call them up and say? No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think.

No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think.

No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think.

No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. No, I think. and from Christmas, how has this ever happened to you, anybody? We spent Christmas alone this year. That sounds wonderful. You know what? Maybe that's the way it's gonna be forever.

I know that doubt has shown me that friends and family are not important. That's the lesson. That's this Christmas season. They're only a phone call away. Friends and family are just a number. What matters is the money that you can use to buy things with online and have them shipped to your house.

Right. Friends and family, just how long have you known them? Five years, six, it's just a number. My whole 30, 40 years I've known my parents just a number. Right. You still got all your grandparents? I have X many grandparents. Just how many brothers and sisters you have?

One, two, five, just a number. Do you have anything in family? I've got one left. Wow. Not too many people make it to like 40 and have grandparents left. I guess I'm just a lucky guy. Yeah, Sean.

That's right. I made the fucking, I made the mistake of telling my parents that I thought I guess I'm just a lucky guy. Yeah. Sean. That's right. I made the fucking, I made the mistake of telling my parents that I thought I was feeling sick on like December 20th. Oh, no. Yeah, I woke up with a horrendous fever, shivering chill. Really? God, I got COVID, I got COVID from the fucking show, the Tampa show.

But did we record on the 20th? No, it was a day after. It was the day after we recorded. Yeah. We'll go up the next day on the Monday. And you remember I was not in good shape last week. No, no, you were not. Because I had been up all night doing ketamine

out of a fire hose. Row, yeah. It's not recommended, right? It says right on the fire hose. It says, for like, not for ketamine. For, yeah, that's not right. Exactly. For, for water use only It's like I thought it would be fun

Myers made them put that on there because all the firehouses were O.D. Eng on or is it a or is a or is it funny air to do a toilet paper towel tube because those are so big Fire hose implies a tremendous amount though. That's true. So you see it's what literal, the literal one is not as funny. I think it goes into the crafting of a joke on the fly. Homity. This is, yeah. Comedy. So I made the mistake of telling them that I'm feeling sick and that I woke up feverish. Yeah. They say, well, you got to get another COVID test. I'm feeling sick and then I woke up feverish. Yeah. And they said, well, you got to get another COVID test.

So, okay, I will. Yeah. I go to the COVID testing facility and it's, um, Should you go to Dodger Stadium? Dodger went down to Dodger Stadium. The line actually started in Anaheim, the Angel Stadium, which is about two hours away for the people who are, if you're not a,

if you're not a sports fan and you don't know how far stadiums are away from what this is, this is, this is, I'm, I still have Maddox post traumatic stress, Maddox disorder. Yeah. Because I have to explain these jokes to this fucking asshole like, well, people who live in Southern California aren't going to get that joke. Well, I think anyone who understands the nature of stadiums and the size of it will understand that two rival of the same sports team are there. Yeah, they're probably right, not right next door to each other.

Every time we go, it's longer, longer than the line for these stupid tests, right? This one, we're eyeballed it probably three hours. Of course, 80s girls got to get in test too, even though she's invincible to it. She had it a month ago. Yeah, she should be fine. No, I should be invincible too, because we took no precautions. No, I know. You may very well just not get it. You know why? Because I don't believe in it.

Is that why? That's why. It's not like IQ puncture. Oh, I actually don't believe in it. Those little spikes and shit cannot bond with me. Just like STDs don't believe in those either. Right. Never got one.

That's amazing. Even when I plucked a shake with clomini, it still didn't get it. The power of positive thinking. The power of not thinking. Right. Don't think at all. Right.

Speaking of don't think, oh my God, Shondu, if I got news for you. So, what's up? Remind me of the don't think. Don't think. So, we show up to Dodger Stadium. Line starts, line starts, I mean, the cars actually got smaller too,

as we were going down the line, went from like normal sized cars to minis, to like Mo'Ped, and then a small car, like really tiny, they never got, we never saw the end of the line, because the car's got so small I get it You get it. I do get it. I don't even know if that's a joke. No, it's a good visual though. Oh fucking is an infinite weight Yeah for this this goddamn test because every person here is trying to get tested so they could go see their

Paranoid parents who sit home all day reading CNN headlines Who haven't changed their lifestyle, not at all. Fuck it. I'm not getting, I am not waiting four hours in line to go shit, to go get woken up and five in the morning to open Christmas presents to my parents. Fuck it. There's got to be, there's got to be another way. This is on the 21st or something like that.

Was there, I got it, I got one at Dodger Stadium. It took, took about an hour, maybe slightly less. When? I got it on, well, what was last? No, no, I'm sorry. Sing up the calendar. I wanna say it was, I wanna say it was like on the 18th. Yeah.

Yeah, like on the 18th and I got it back. I think I got it back by the 21st. Did you? Yeah. Well, this was, there was, there was no way I was positive, very, very positive. I was, I had to do, I had to evaluate exactly how much time it was worth me investing to see my family during Christmas. And it turns out it's two and a half hours. Okay. Yeah. One single second longer, not worth it. No,

thank you. So of course, there, well, you got to drive. You, Dick, you got to drive down to Orange County or drive up here, go to an urchin care. You got to make him more like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I could have, I could have just waited. I'm not doing anything. Look at this. You guys can either decide that is by the way, I'm fine now.

Yeah. I was fine the next day. Turns out it was all the goddamn drugs and drinking that I was doing. I could do it. Turns out it was amazing. Turns out it was a case of delivery and tremmins that I have in the next day. Turns out it was all the God-deemed drugs and drinking that I was doing. Turns out it was amazing. Turns out it was a case of delirium tremens that I have in the middle of the night. Yeah. So.

Don't mind me. He says, well, we could bring you your presence and come down there and we could all do it over FaceTime. I would rather be dead than do FaceTime over Chris. I would rather be dead than have a Christmas conference call with you, okay? I'm tired of having virtual this game, a virtual birthdays, graduate wedding,

give me a virtual, you know what? I'd like to see one virtual wedding. Let's carry that through into the future. We're having a wedding, oh, it's virtual, right? No, let's say we're changing it from virtual weddings to in-person weddings now. Yeah. Oh, I can't wait for your wedding. Just send me the Zoom link where, what do you, oh, yeah, I know we're having an in-person, whoa, an in-person wedding. We haven't had those since, since 2019. What are you talking about? We're all doing in the before times and the before times. As I said, I absolutely

not. We're not doing a virtual. I'm not watching a calm. I'm not watching this. Mary Christmas. Mary fucking Christmas. Mary Christmas. You feel the. Yeah. UCB LA is I got to read you the press release. This is. Oh, yeah, they closed, right? Oh, the one good thing that could happen, they closed in every line. I guess they found a sense of humor because great. It's the worst people ever. So great. The worst people being fucking taken advantage of

by fucking predators selling them, selling idiots, the dream. Yeah. Sometimes the dream needs to die. Oh, God. This is this was the greatest this was the greatest scam factory ever. This is the greatest cult scam factory ever perpetrated. And they would have got away with it too. Yeah. If it weren't for you pesky covids, right pesky, right grandma simps. They nailed it in Bojack pretty well. Yeah, the whole cult of improv. Yeah. UCB is the theater that kicked me out of it, by the way,

for those who haven't been taking notes in the last six years of my life. Because Maddox said I was a rape apologist a long time ago. Dear UCB community, we are posting to update you on some sad news. We have been forced to sell our theater on-sense. How do you be forced? Like at gunpoint? Well, I mean, what do you mean we have been forced? We have been unable to make mortgage payments during this extended shutdown. We know this theater was a home for so many and like so many people

were responsible for helping it grow. And none of you will be getting any of your money back that you've paid for classes. We want to thank all of those people and the New York community who were also significantly impacted by recent closures. We are still working to maintain our Franklin space. God, that would be that theater fell. That is too famous. That's the original one, right?

Yeah. And we look forward to being legally allowed to gather again. Oh, was it? You guys spent all that time resisting the wrong thing. Now you shut down for it. We are continuing the process of our theater and school becoming nonprofit. I think you're well on your way there. In the new year, we will conclude our search for a diversity, equity, and inclusion consultant.

Where the fuck is, well, you just put how many people out of, like, what, I don't, I mean, there's people that work there. I'm sorry, right? Yeah, at least three. In the new, don't worry, we're closing down, but don't worry. In the new year, we're going to get right on top of looking for a diversity, equity, and inclusion consultant to work with us. It's so funny about what? You're a fucking building just shut down.

What diversity? Wait, a diversity of what? Diversity, equity, and inclusion consultants. The person who's been doing it the longest, like the longest in the field, the field leader has is about two and a half months. That was just made up about two and a half months ago. Would I think how long have people been diversity, equity, inclusion experts? How long has that been going on, that field of study? Here, let me help you out. In the new year, we will conclude our search. So that, oh, this is the long, they've been like fucking American Idol. Right. This is a comedy theater, by

the way. A month and a half, they've been like fucking American Idol. Right. This is a comedy theater, by the way. A month and a half, they've been searching tirelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly.

We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly.

We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. We're gonna carelessly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody likes, everybody likes acronyms. So work with us and project, rethink as we move forward. You need to rethink your fucking loans. You need to rethink.

We want to be as transparent as possible and continue to make updates on our website. Did they try to work it out with the bank? Did they, I mean, you know, this is a thing. I mean, I called the landlord, by the way, the realtor to see if I can rent, see if I can rent it to theater to have a religious protest.

Oh, that's hilarious. A hilarious George Floyd. That's hilarious. St. Fentanyl Floyd. You make the F of the Floyd. That's how we do it. That's how you do it. Yeah.

F on your chest, like the sign of the church. Trunch of the Floyd. Yeah. Sign of the Fentanyl of the, the fentanyl. What's the fentanyl chemical composure? That's what, um, we are incredibly grateful for project rethink and think their willingness to work with us on creating a new version of UCB

that will be better and stronger than before. Yeah. Motherfucker, you're a cop. You need to sell, you need to sell people who are not funny. Classes, so you could pay the rent. That will, that's what you fucking forgot what you sell people who are not funny classes. So you could pay the rent. Well, that's fucking forgot what you are. You are not a diversity. You're not a diversity.

You're not an organization that re-thinks the game. No. We're, in the new year, we're concluding our search for a black lesbian. That's what they meant to write there. I'm sure, but they had to search and replace. We continue to offer classes digitally. Just let idiots throw their money at you thinking that they're hilarious. They're making me fit.

Yes, right. Whatever. So much is your dad willing to spend on classes that won't make you funny, about 400 bucks. What a coincidence. That just happens. This just happens to be $400. We also, this is how they close it. We also hosted the Zoom industry panel

with Santina Mouha regarding some woman. Actually, I know Santina Mouha regarding disability and comedy, was you can watch here in closing. Here's a woman in wheelchair disability and content. What the fuck, kind of press releases this I guarantee you cripple Jesus is funny here I know I've seen her perform. I'm not but he's cripple Jesus a hundred times funny here Then this girl thank you. We hope everyone stays healthy and safe during the holidays For people wearing the stage name honey for four sign four comedians where the woman is the most well-known one.

So that's all I need to say about that one. There you go. Oh, is Amy, Amy Polar? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Hot damn. Yeah, I'll tell you also what makes me rage.

That's a victory lap, right? I'm gonna take, you can take that. I'm gonna take a dummy, a Maddox effigy and just drive it around, drag it around the theater. It's pretty funny. Yeah. It's funny. Woo!

I'm in a good mood today, because I didn't spend Christmas with my family. That's probably true. But my family's just a number. Family's just a number. I mean, people in your family, see if it'll catch on. Yeah. What really matters is food. You're food in your mouth.

Right, because it's lonely. When your mouth really matters is lonely. It's your bitcoins. Yeah, okay. I had to walk 80s girl through a protocol in case I choked to death on my sleep. Like, look, you have to get into my phone with my face and get my bitcoins out of there.

Is that a possibility? You choking these up on your sleep? Come on. I'm likely. For your possibility. That's true. I mean, alcohol, likely. For you possibility. That's true. I mean, alcohol. Likely good.

Yeah. Alcohol. Yeah. Inhalation of the problem. Yeah. Well, inhalation of vomit, you know, and trouble is it wasn't, it wasn't his vomit. Uh. Because that's never a conversation I thought, look, if I choke to death on my vomit, you've got

to get my phone, use the iPhone face thing, get in there and send the bitcoins to your account. Yeah, and then destroy all my digital devices. They're already going to destroy themselves. You've got to get in there and do it. Good shit. The back and the forward buttons on the PlayStation 4, and the PlayStation and the Switch are reversed.

Did you know that? Somebody told me that. Somebody fucking told you. Yeah. I, so now, because of that. Everything I know about games, I hear second hand, you know? I, they both know that they I hear secondhand, you know.

They both know that they're doing this. They both know that they're doing this. They've been doing it forever. I know you can switch them, but that's gonna mess it up even more. I know, there's gonna be some fucking problem because all the prompts will be off then, because I don't know which one I'm used to,

but I know whichever one I'm using, I'm constantly fucking it up. Yeah. So now I own, I was going by some dickheads recommendations for video games because I planned to just drink for three days straight since I couldn't see my family over Christmas. In celebration.

In celebration. Wow. Good time. I don't have to do anything. Randy came over, made chicken parmesan. Oh, did he? Oh, it was amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We watch Grimmlin's two. Randy's, he's like, he's a chicken connoisseur. He makes a chicken wings and the cast iron skillet. Chicken Parmesan. I wonder if he, yeah, he's a... Some dickheads told me to get Hades. Hades. So I punched in in the PlayStation like,

oh, you guys got pretty good wrecks, right? You see this, see what this game's all about. And it loads up Escape 2, Sylvester Stallone. Let me just give you a side of this one, Sean. Escape 2, Hades. Couldn't find the game, couldn't find the game because I was too drunk. So I see this, try to get out of it.

Of course, of course, not the right back, not the right back again, the not the right back. Again, select, select. Now I own for $10, a copy of what looks to be the worst movie ever made. Oh no. So that's just alone and Bautista. This is a skate plan. A skate plan too.

So you know, it's not even as good as the first one, right? And he's going, Randy are screaming at me. You just bought that, you're just, are you doing a watch this movie? You bought this movie. I'm like, no, I X, I X, of course I don't want to watch this fucking movie. Why are you guys yelling at me? I wanted to play this game. Hey, these, I backed out of that.

They said, no, you bought that movie. There's no way I don't want to watch that movie. There's no way I bought that movie. Well, you fucking bought it. Said, if I had bought it, a thing saying confirmed, do you want to watch that movie. There's no way I bought that movie. Well, you fucking bought it. If I had bought it, a thing saying confirmed, do you want to buy this movie would have popped up? Why doesn't it do that? It did.

And I said, X out of it, I don't want to buy this movie. They said, no, you said, I do want to buy this movie. You're, you're, you're, it was, I didn't watch it yet. You're can one that confirmation box, they would would put one confirmation box in front of this, it should be 10. Are you sure you wanna buy this? Are you really sure you would buy this? This is a plan two.

This is not, this is undue-able. Or not undue-able. Nobody ever wanted to watch this. Yeah. Now, now, I have to go look up a email to write to these people. I didn't want to buy this fucking movie. You know, one on earth has ever wanted to buy this movie.

How much are you gonna do that? Is your time worth that? It's my time worth 10 bucks. Once again, no, you just watch it. I would spend, I would wait in line for four hours to get $10 back for this movie. Yeah. But not to see my family on Christmas.

That's my point. All right, let me see what a... What the hell? Who'd at? Oh, no way. Oh, I guess who? Really? I got a mutim for a second.

Okay. Okay. All right. Can he hear us? No. Okay, you can't hear us. He's supposed to call in in a half hour. Let's see here. Yeah, yep. Mary fucking Christmas.

Up your ass. Oh yeah. How about the, did you read about the Omni bus bill? I did not, I have not. No, I can't read about that. No, no, no, tell me about it. Well, I don't know. There's a reason, I guess after the,

I can't really figure out why people vote. Like after that bill, after that omnibus spending bill that drops right before Christmas and gives out like a trillion dollars to other countries and horse shit in the John F. Kennedy Center for the performing, like they dropped in millions of dollars for John F. Kennedy Performing Arts Center, but then stick everybody with $600.

I just can't imagine a more evil thing than that. Yeah, well, it's really difficult to, and they both, and both sides, comedians.. Committee ends, which is how you say the female comedian for some reason, right? Yeah. Committee ends in wheelchairs need more opportunity to perform in the arts. I really, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't understand the mentality of someone who would go vote for any of these people ever again. I can't understand the mentality of doing nothing. People forget.

It's shocking to me. They always say they had a $50 million in that thing. I read it. They're getting $50 million to Satan. Oh, did you know that? Hot damn. Was that on page 23? Yeah.

That was before the bad stuff started. I see. Money for Satan. Right. It's going to burn it. Send it to hell. And it gets worse from there. Yeah. was that on page 23? That was before the bad stuff started. I see. Money for Satan. Right. It's going to burn it, send it to hell. And it gets worse from there. Yeah.

Like while he's perpetrating all this evil, maybe if we helped relations in hell. Oh, okay. Yeah. Wouldn't be, wouldn't all of this evil wouldn't always be being perpetrated. You know, strange bedfellows and such. Hey, was that it? There was, is it? I'm using him.

You'd that channel, if you can, for a minute, the discord. Oh. Yeah, and then we'll I'll get in there when he's already got it There was a study on they did it a study in there in the omnibus bill of how to how to get women help women get fatter Oh, you got a reason fine print right what's in there? What was what did they what did they put it for? Thas They put a they frame how to get women f for? They put it, they frame it. How to get women fatter. 30 million bucks for that. Women with lonely mouths.

Yeah. Women with lonely mouths, they're going to research that. Okay. They're spending a hundred billion on inventing, on how to stop inventing time machines. I want to put together a committee to stop the invention of time machines because then people are going to kill Hitler and really then the most The time one yeah, and that and if people get Hitler no one will remember the Holocaust anymore Yeah, that's really can't have that right in this day and age with

Giants justify the means right now. We don't want to undo that They voted Concus voted themselves arrays. Yeah, that's good. to undo that. Right. Yeah. Um, they voted, Concus voted themselves a raise. Yeah. That's good. That's good. $50,000 raise. That's good. Is that what?

So 50,000 across the all of them? I know each one whatever. Yeah. It's true of 50 grand or something. Yeah. Is it one or why not? Four and a half million dollars for ex-presidents. That's the one that bugged me the most.

Yeah. Oh, he honest with you. Really? Not the Pakistan gender studies one that give a hundred you. Not the Pakistan, gender studies one, they give a hundred million dollars of Pakistan for gender studies. Really? Yeah.

Cause it's a stopterism. Yeah. Because if there's one thing that, well, stop young men from being angry, is giving hundreds of millions of dollars in foreign money to helping women. Yeah, to instill our values. You know, because our men,

men in America are notoriously chill. So just take our culture and franchise it around the world to just make all the men relax. Sure. Ah, Deep breath. Good. Good. I don't have, there's no breath deep enough for the fear, for the anger about this fucking

bill. Then I turn, I wake up the next day and I get 10 articles from the newspapers telling me that actually it's not in that bill. Actually the COVID bill is not the same one as the omnibus bill. They just pass them together. Oh really? This is the news. The news is fucking g-

The news working through my phone is gaslighting me into thinking that printing out money and handing it to every dirt, every shit hole country in the world is somehow is a different bill because it's on a different stack of papers than the one that's giving everyone 600 fucking dollars.

Yeah. For being locked up for nine months. Well, they pass a lot of bills together, don't they? Yeah. They loaded it. I mean, it's obscene. It's obscene the size of that. It's as though they were competing with each other to try to cram shit in there.

There is not one, it just, it looks like there's not one thing that was left out. Find me one thing that's more ridiculous than anything in that fucking bill. You know what's crazy is how, if you look into it, how many bills are nearly completely unread by, it would have been impossible to read by the people voting on them. They read almost nothing. They get the bullet points and that's about it. It is. It's fucking crazy.

The gaslighting on it is obscene. All of them in lockstep, all of Congress in lockstep saying, well, you know, we really hate this, the waste in this bill, but we want to get you guys 600 dollars. You guys, you could have done that on day fucking one. I know. Give everyone 600 dollars vote. Yes or no. I know, I know.

That's it. That's all you had to do. How could the country collectively be so stupid as to believe that? You can find me one fucking person that buys that and then you'll find millions. Millions like, well, you know, I guess that's just the way it is. Right, cost of doing business. Cost of doing business that, you know, Congress, like such a fucking disaster. It is really a disaster.

It's, I don't know, it's the price. No one should see their family on Christmas. No, no one should see their family on Christmas. Oh yeah, he's speaking see their family on Christmas. Oh yeah, he's speaking of Holocaust denial. Denying the Holocaust threatens democracy. Here's a pretty good article for you. Denying the Holocaust threatens democracy.

So does denying the election results. Ha ha ha. I don't. Oh. I don't. Oh, I don't like a. Ha ha ha ha. What didn't you say so? There's always like, why didn't you say so? There's other things to, you know, compare to.

I don't know. It's just a, that's just a strange one. You guys realize that they hacked the Treasury Department, right? That the fucking Treasury Department was hacked. Like that, that, that, that happened. That the Treasury Department and a ton of other agencies were hacked. Didn't even know it. We didn't even know it.

Nobody told us about it. They slid it through, it was gone the next day. And you're saying that denying, denying the results of an election, the most important election in history that's pruned, that's pruned to fraud done behind closed doors with computerized for some insane reason, as the same thing is denying a fucking Holocaust. Sign me up.

Dismissing it as the historical equivalent of flat earth theory, we reassured ourselves that the Holocaust has the painful distinction of being the best documented genocide in the world. Okay. Scoff, that's what we did years ago when we each heard about Holocaust now. No, you didn't.

You made it illegal. You try to make it illegal all the fucking time. People get fired for doing it. It's like, that's your first thing you do. If anybody comes even close to it, you try to ruin their fucking life. Scoff? No one has ever scoffed at it.

You got a fucking jail. Well, no, you can deny it in the United States. No, you cannot. Yes, you can. Good luck. Well, no, yes. Right. That's very unpopular.

Yeah, you'll get scoffed right out of a job. Yeah, but I mean, it's illegal in Germany. And places, you know, other places I think too, but we've learned the hard way to take it seriously. In recent weeks, we have watched with alarm, the birth of another powerful disinformation mythology, the false conval, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't know, it's a Holocaust and I'll show blah, blah. I don't know. It's a Holocaust denial show.

Yeah. I don't know if you knew that. Oh, family's getting together denying the Holocaust. They love it. Yeah. National pastime. Harvard calls women birthing people because not all people, they're like, oh, it started. It started.

It all started. All of this nonsense started because we couldn't call fat women fat anymore. It's the gateway drug. Yes. It was the first thing you couldn't, I'm full figured. And we had to go, wow, don't you can't say she's fat. She's full figured or plum, but full figure, fluffy or zafting or or volipuous, you can't say fat.

We all went along with it. Okay, I guess you can't say, you look like a figure eight. I guess we can't call them fat anymore. We're all going along with it. And then they started taking away other words, our words and keywords and F-slur words and N words, but it all started with the fat one.

And now we can't call women pregnant people. Mm-hmm. What is the terminology exactly? People who globally ethnic minority pregnant and birthing people. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. There are kids right now, birthing people. There are kids right now, birthing people. How dehumanizing, I mean, I guess they said people, but birthing. Berthers.

Yeah, they're birthing. Second mad max, we got the blood bags. Blood bags. Yeah, right? Too much blood on this bitch. You got to knock her up. Birthing people. Can trans people be bitch?

Who's called them bitches? I don't know. Is that, do that identify as a, do you identify them? So you're a kid, right? You're in school right now. You have a card, this is happening right now. You have a card where you can earn time a 15 minute mask break while you're in class.

You can, through good behavior, you can earn 15 minutes, 10 stamps on your good behavior card, and you can earn 15 minutes to have your mask off. So you can breathe air. Come on. And then while sitting through all this, if you call someone, a mommy or a woman, if you call a pregnant person, a woman,

they strap a second mask. They're going straight to jail. Oh yeah. Great. Put your mask back on. That's not, you're getting a strike on your bad, you're getting a bad behavior stamp. Oh, God, man.

How the fuck do you, how the fuck do you even live like this? I don't know. We're exporting this, this, crummy, this shitty society to Pakistan. Let's take the airs on. Yeah. Let's do a little culture exchange. Yeah, it's like, wife swap.

Yeah. We'll send you ours. Yeah. That's exchange single women. Let's see what the problem with yours is. We'll see what we know what the problem with ours is. Men identifying as women, women identifying as cats, you know, ethnic minority pregnant and birthing people suffer worse outcomes and

experiences during and after pregnancy and childbirth. So women, right? BIRTHING PEOPLE. BIRTHING PEOPLE, because they're not necessarily women. The webinar panelists, panelists use the term birthing person to include those who identify as non-binary or transgender, because not all people who give birth identify as women or girls. We understand the reactions to this terminology, and in no way meant for it to erase or dehumanize women.

Okay. That's the problem. The concept of dehumanization has crept into absolutely ludicrous territory. Yeah. Like dehumanizing is like certain people, you know, have to like maybe wear a star or something that like a, you know, I mean, to go back to, you know,

the whole Trump supporters rats. Never forget. Well, maybe you shouldn't be doing that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, maybe you shouldn't be doing that. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, man. I don't know. Let's see here. Here's a toy gun.

Bye-back. No, no toy gun. Not even a toy gun. Remember that fucking guy? Yeah. From last week, do you hear that? Yeah. No, not even, not even,

if his dad wants to get it for him, this one is cool. No guns, Santa hates guns. Congress vincers. Santa did time for shooting his wife. Okay, let me load that. No guns, for no gun in the house, I wouldn't have killed Mrs. Claus.

Toy gun, bye back. Oh, all right. Program encourages kids to turn in toy guns for disappeared. For more quality gifts. Okay. Like there's anything that's more fun than a toy gun. What kind of educational horse shit do you have?

It's what you play when you're a kid. I mean, it's just, it's like throwing shit, but it's a thing that throws shit a lot better and a lot more accurate. That's true. That, but it's a thing that throws shit a lot better and a lot more accurate. That's true. That's true. It appeals to a part of our brain that helped us survive for millions of years. Like that's why it's satisfying because it just does what our only three, our only way

to survive is better and faster and harder. I will never forget being a kid and watching my younger cousin get shot with a suction cup, a fucking gun, and it stuck right on his forehead and nobody could believe it. It stuck. As if it was like a fucking window. It was fucking hilarious. It's like magic. Yeah.

Harry Potter. How come they get to have ones? Is there going to be a rewrite of Harry Potter like all those ones? They're just guns. They're obviously just guns. They're obviously just fucking creed on guns They're obviously are. They kill people. They do shit to people. If I had a gun that made someone shit their pants, I would use that. Oh, God, instead of a regular gun. Yeah. This, here's, I love this picture of this poor

little black kid giving his toy gun in and getting some dog shit. What is giving getting a getting one of the getting a crummy version of a air hockey table. Yeah. Ball the ball bearing version with the pucks go flying all the fucking time because they made it a cheap blasting. The looks on these people's faces is a nightmare to me. The how eager they are. Look at these look at the way they're looking at this kid. All the adults like, yeah, yeah, you like that, right? You like that. You like that, right? You like that, right?

The kids just stop like that. Next stop, polo shirts. Yeah. Poor little kids getting his, yeah, you like that, right? You like that, right? You like this shitty air hockey table, right? You didn't like that gun. You didn't like that gun, did you?

No. This pencil dick in the suit over selling it like he's on a game show. There you go. Man, it's like, I'm gonna start a buyback program for chicks and their, and their frappuccinos. I'm gonna stand outside of Starbucks and then drive through to stop, fetch and say,

hey, bitch, how about some, how about a salad? I'm gonna buy back your Starbucks and give you this handful of salad. Well, that's your hand. Why don't you trade it in? I don't think so. I don't think they would go for that. A fat back, buy back program.

You don't think that I go? I'm gonna set up a little booth like psychiatry, like Lucy's psychiatry, but the doctor is in. Outside of Starbucks, drive through. God, what were you gonna say? No, I don't think they'd go for that. You don't think they would go for that? No, I don't think they would. Mm.

Let's see, got some more studies here. Money for the vaccinated? That sounds pretty fun. That's what the Soviet Union did, by the way. Did they? Yeah, give money. There's nothing called Goss Bank, their central bank. Really?

They would only give loans to people who were doing socially acceptable things. From a congressman suggests adding 300 or 400 to stimulus checks for people who got the COVID-19 vaccine. Oh, I mean, how could you work you with that? This is a little vaccine, get a little bunch of money for you. It's not our money, it's actually everybody else's money, they have to pay for it, but why not? Come on, we can do whatever we want.

12 years of school isn't enough. I just saw that. What's that all about? Bidings, new policy. In the 21st century, 12 years of school isn't enough, Joe Biden says. That's why under the Biden Harris plan, community college.

It's plenty. It's just teaching the wrong shit. Yeah, because people are dumb. That's why there's no, there's no amount of reading about withering heights that will let anyone figure out how to use a computer. No, no. It's, it's because you're too fucking stupid. That's, we're going to have one week of class in my administration, one week of public education. You come into the post office and you watch a video all week of me telling you how stupid you are.

And we do, we do riddles, like a man rides in to town on Friday and he stays for three days and leaves on Friday. How can you explain that? Magnus. You're all too dumb. You're all fucking dumb. That's why you're actually, you showed up for this class because you're too stupid to participate in society.

You are a constant drain on everyone. Here, I'm giving you all a trophy, You are a constant drain on everyone. Here, I'm giving you all a trophy, and giving you all a Iron Man Statue at, or pick your favorite fucking Marvel move. Actually, I got a whole fucking stack of fucking pops. And if you say anything other than black Panther, we got problems.

You're all getting black, you're all getting Captain Marvel statues for graduating this class of how fucking stupid you are. They picked a chick who can't run to be fucking Captain Marvel. Have you seen Gal Gadot try to run? No, I didn't notice. Like all her postures. Oh, fucked up, man.

Really? Oh, it's horrible. I haven't noticed that. Just to turn off. That's going to be the new my education platform. One week to convince you of how fucking stupid you are. No, that no amount of education could fix. You see, you see this machine here? We're going to want, you see this space shuttle? Yeah. The people who build it did not need to be educated

because they were smart enough, they would have been smart enough to figure this shit out on their own. Unlike all of you, you see this no space shuttle, no space shuttle for you. Don't even think about it. Don't even think about that ever. Don't even look at it. Don't even look at it. You've looked enough. You've looked enough. You see this? This is the Avengers movie. See all the stuff going on around here. All of that is retarded nonsense. That's for you. This space shuttle is real. This is monkey shit. This is, this is preposterous nonsense. And gobblety-gook. This is for you. This other thing is sacred. Don't even think about it. Not for you. See this hamburger? If you work all, if you work your entire life,

you can figure that fucking thing out. Right. How does it work? Not 12 years of, you don't need 12 years to learn that. Right. How does it work? It was assembled by a machine. This hamburger was assembled by a machine. Hamburger has come from machines. That's for you. Now, you're gonna hear a lot of people telling you,

giving you information that you, and they're gonna tell you that you can use this information and put it in your brain to make a decision about hamburgers and you can't because you're too fucking dumb. But they will tell you that you're not, that you can take in all kinds of information, statistics that couldn't, that couldn't even be fed into a computer properly. And you can take all this in and make decisions that other, that people used to govern other people's lives, which you fucking can't, because you're too goddamn dumb.

Built into the system by God. Impossible to change. My God. 12 years, L.A.s, 100 years. Each one of you in this room could live to be 10,000 years old. And you wouldn't be any smarter than the day you were fucking born. That's my class dismissed class dismissed. That's okay. Time for my class dismissed. Class dismissed. That's, okay, time for a 15 minute mask off break.

You've all been very good. Very good, very good. It drives me insane. This myth that people can be taught with more school, more and more school. It gives them this idea that they can, how long do people in fucking school for? I mean, how are, yeah.

Until they all get raped, you're gonna go to school until a teacher molests you. That's the way I'm hiding Harris plan. I mean, how bad would like the last people to get rape feel though? Like, I mean, like it's like, you're still in, it's like, ah, you're 64. I don't think it's gonna happen for you, body.

Right? It's, yeah, I mean, maybe change, maybe you need a transfer or something. I mean, it's just, everybody feels bad. I actually think it's pity molestations. I think it's a good idea that we send that money to Pakistan because we don't want to get any terrorism and actually any quality. It's like your school gave you that idea, didn't it?

That you could think and put that together, didn't it? That's called a thought. School convinced you that you could dangerous. That you could be that together, didn't it? That's called a thought. School convinced you that you could dangerous. That you could be doing that, didn't it? Nah, nah, nah, nah. You need to be reeducated, son. Mm-hmm. All right, what are we got going? Let me see if this gentleman's calling in.

I'm gonna be very quiet. Ah, ha, ha, ha. Oh, I need to, honey, can I have a diet coke? Put your game face on. Yeah, I gotta put my serious face on. Holocaust threatens denying the Holocaust. Didn't you just do that one? Yeah, take it over it.

Okay, what? It's just, yeah. All right. What else? Even how much denying it? Saying it's evoting machines are probably like the least secure thing in the world, is that denying the Holocaust? Don't you be careful.

You can't even be careful. Watch it. Careful, very careful. Evoting machines, that doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Well, it's nine Holocaust, you better watch it. You got any proof of the, can we match signatures? Well, you better watch it, budding buddy getting awfully close to the nine hall calls easy

So a young woman has a young woman has as a started a young woman who listens to the show started talking to a gentleman Online and expressed interest in meeting him But she told him that her father demands that he speak with him first before they're allowed, before the gentleman in question, the gentleman in question is very eager to meet. It's an old-timey sign of respect.

Old-timey sign of respect. Yeah. And we're gonna try to, we're gonna, he's been nice enough to call in right now. I'm gonna talk to him. I'm gonna be her father. That's great. Yeah.

And you might recognize the gentleman when he calls in. I don't even know what to, what should I ask? What should I ask this guy? Oh, I'm sure he'll come out with something. Ha ha ha ha. I'm not worried about this. There it is. Okay.

Hi, dad. Hello. Hello, is this Christopher? Yeah, can you hear me? Yes, I can, Christopher. How are you? Okay. I'm good.

Thank you. It's good to talk to you. Yes, it's good to talk to you as well. I understand you've been talking with my daughter. Yeah, yeah. I hope you don't mind, I just wanted to know if I could have your permission. Permission to speak with my daughter. I appreciate that you're asking that's a very honorable of you. Yeah, yeah. Well, she wanted me to talk to you and I thought it'll be best to talk to you and run it past you, you know. Well, you know, there's a lot of weirdos on the internet.

You can't be too careful these days. Yeah, that's right. And I wanted to get permission and yeah, I know there's a lot of bad people. And I just wanted to there are a lot of bad people. There's a lot of people who've been vaccinated who are crazy. Yeah. Who are abusive, horrible people. Yeah, I've been vaccinated. Are you against vaccination?

I can't stand them. I can't stand vaccinations. I can't stand vaccination either. I think it's one of the reasons why people are weird, don't you think? I do think that. Yes, you get one too many vaccinations and a young boy and they go completely insane. They start acting, cooking, bananas. I've been vaccinated and I think it's caused my ass burgers or autism. That's what I truly believe. Oh, you have ass burgers and autism?

Yeah, and I think it's been caused by vaccination. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Do you really like Sonic the Hedgehog or Trains or something like that? What's the nature of your autism? the hedgehog or trains or something like that? What's the nature of your autism?

Well, I get really severe depressionings all these sometimes and I find that I just put the alarm clock on server that. Yeah, I just I need your full attention. Make sure your alarm clocks are off. No interruptions. Yes. Um, my, what does, um, so what, what was your question again? My question is, what are your intentions with my daughter? I want to make sure that you're an honorable man. I guess it's just to develop friendship and, um, see what she wants from there. Friendship. I'm not really talking about friendships with benefits, are we, Christopher? No, no, no, just friends. Because I'm really inexperienced with the whole thing and I just wanted to talk to her

as a pure friend just to get to know her and just see what happens from there. tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, tehau, me and that's why she wanted me to talk to you just to run a party to see if it was okay for me to just talk to her, you know, so I think. Oh, I see. Well, we're quite a religious family. So I don't know if it's appropriate for a young woman to have a, how old are you? Oh, well, I'm actually, well, I don't know, I'm actually, are you Catholic or? I'm very Catholic. Yeah, I'm Catholic too. So what was your question? I feel really bad because I don't want to give you the impression that I have bad intentions

because that's not the case store, but I was approached by Ellie, but she didn't seem to mind talking to me and she knows my age. I'm actually 43. 43. Yeah. That's quite a big age difference. I know I know

I understand. I don't know if that's appropriate. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know why that but yeah that's right. I but I but as I said before Ellie approached me and she messes me, but she knows my age, but she didn't want to like, she didn't want us to talk behind your back and it's why I thought it'd be best that she told me it would best to talk you first sort of thing. Well, you know, Christopher, young woman, I think, should be looking for a mate in life at this stage in her life. I don't know if friendships are really appropriate. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Yeah, I understand. Is that something you'd be open to? Open to what if you don't mind me asking. I think it's time in her life to look at what a long-term partner would be like a man who can provide for her. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah, I understand what I'm saying. And I think I admit that I have trouble in that.

And the thing is, there's something else I feel quite bad about. And I actually feel very lonely. And it's beyond my control. I'm because of my ass because of autism. I'm not actually employed. And I, you don't have a job? You don't because of autism, I'm not actually employed. And I, you don't have a job. I'm actually on government support, because of my anxiety and my depression.

You're one of those parasites sucking down social welfare. Is that what you're telling me? No, well, I don't consider myself, but it wasn't a bad one. I knew that you wouldn't like that. And I just wanted to be totally honest and not front with you. Mm. I'm sorry about that.

I feel really bad, but it's beyond my control, but I am actually. Why is it beyond your control? Shirley, you could get a job. I suppose I could, yeah, but I know it's a long story. I can't really explain it. Oh, I see. So you don't have, you don't have any romantic intentions with my daughter. You just want to meet as in person as friends. You haven't been sending her any kind of romantic and romantic texts or anything like that? No, not as such romantic, but I'm just feeling quite overwhelmed.

I don't really know how to express myself at the moment. But I'm like, I'm like, I'm a shark. We're both Catholic men here. Maybe you need a moment to pray for some guidance from the Lord. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have been on disability pension.

I do receive government assistance for, and I have been actually unemployed for a very long time and I don't think because of my age and my disability that I have actually tried to go out there and find work, but because as you said before I'm not trying to make excuses because of vaccination is actually completely real in my life I guess and that's why I'm sort of quite hard for me to sort of control. I see. Have you ever had any trouble with the law? That's also something I would forbid my daughter from dealing with any man who's had trouble with the law at all. Yes. Yes, you have.

I want to be completely honest. Yes, I have. Hmm. What happened? My last long story to you. We caught caught masturbating somewhere in public or something like that. Were you caught masturbating somewhere in public or something like that? No, I've been bullied. I've been bullied at school as a kid and I just, I had some extremely bad experiences. I don't want you to feel sorry for me or I don't want to make excuses, but I just felt, I had some pretty bad experiences when I was at school and um...

What happened? Did people pull your pants down? No, no, nothing like that. Slap your penis. I just did some really bad experience and I just retaliated against people. What kind of bad experiences were they taking your lunch and shoving it up your ass? Did a teacher touch you? Did they play with your nipples? No, no, it's really hard to explain. I don't really know where to start. I just I just retaliated. What do they do? What happened in school? How were you bullied?

Pull the marbles out of your mouth and explain it for God's sake. I can't really explain. I'm not feeling too well at the moment. So nothing happened. That's just something you made up so you could bully them as adults. Is that what you're saying? Well, I was in the New Zealand at the time

and it was all 20 years ago. I just, it's really hard. I just feel like's really hard. I'm, it's really hard. I'm just feeling quite overwhelmed. I can't really explain it to me. Have you ever hit a girlfriend? If I ever, it's something that I think, I don't really want to sort of get into. But it's not that I don't want to talk about it.

It's just that. Sounds like it. Yes. Hmm. I'm, I'm sorry. I'm not really pleasing at the moment, Chris. I'm really sorry. Oh, it's sir.

Please. Uh, I'm sorry, sir. It's better. It's better. So have you hit a girlfriend or not? I need to know these things if I'm going to trust my daughter with you. Yes, I have. Oh, you have.

How many times? Sorry, sir. I don't know. I'm just feeling really anxious and depressed at the moment. I'm not really feeling too good at the moment. Anxious, you always go back to Anxious and depressed to get out of questions I've noticed. No, no. I'm just going through a difficult time at the moment. What kind of difficult time, COVID? I don't know. I'll just go see me into health issues.

Just sounds like you've got more than a few. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So what was your trouble with the law? Did you get away with harassing people? away with harassing people? Um, yeah, just threatening and um, using internet to make threats towards people who I felt agree to, but I'm not making, I'm not trying to make excuses or anything that, um, I've put it in the past and I'll just move down and yeah

Sorry, I'm sorry not really Well Chris, I mean, you know, it sounds like you only want to use my daughter as a friend and I'm looking for more of a I'm trying to get I'm trying to find her a husband to be honest Well, it's you're not interested in that then I don't think it's appropriate really I met you interested but I um, oh, you are. Now your story is changing. It first you just wanted to be friends. Now you're interested in being your husband.

Well, I didn't want to, I didn't want you to come across some diddy of man that had bad intentions. I mean, everything starts off as friendship first. That's what I'm trying to say. Oh, so you want to lure her in with friendship and groom her to be your wife? Is that what you're saying? Well, you can't just be wife straightaway. You just gotta work your way up. You can't really say to someone,

I want to marry you straight up. You gotta get to know the person first before you start to marry someone, you know? So you want to get to know her as a friend and then more? That's your intentions. Yes, yes, yes, great. Oh, I see. Okay.

And you are a 43 year old man on disability. You're a 43 year old disabled man on welfare who has had trouble with the law and beats women. And that's what you, and that's what you're interested in dating my daughter and friendship thing, my daughter. So you can marry her. Is that what you're telling me? Well, I don't mean to come across this very sad, but I'm just feeling judged at the moment.

I feel that you're judging me. I'm feeling judged right now. I'm feeling, I think that you're judging me. No, not at all. Yes, you're judging me. I'm sorry. Thank you. I'm sorry.

That's better. Stop immediately. Stop, you're starting to upset me. So you're 43. You have no job. You've beat women. Well, how do I know that I'm talking to a real person, you know? Well, what do you think I'm some kind of computer?

I'm sorry, but I think I might end the call. I think you'll be quite disrespectful to me. I'm sorry. I think think I might in the call. I think you'll be quite disrespectful to me. I think you're being disrespectful to me. Oh, there. Well, we tried. I don't know if it's quite. I was riveted. Come back. Okay, let's see. Don't you hang up on me? Don't you hang up on me?

You beat us in? You'll beat us in? He's not going to answer. Oh, he's unavailable. All right, everybody. Well, maybe he'll call back in a little bit. Dylan, hey, Dickenshawne. Last week's discussion about prego fetish.

Shit, compelled me to write you about my wife's weirdo fetish. I love that. I don't, I don't want a friend. I want her to have a husband. Actually, I am interested in her. Yeah, really. Lots of unpack, lots of unpack. She's into pregnancy stuff too. But not in the way you imagine what you're going to say.

Nothing. She likes pregnant women and the turn on for her isn't the stuff the other guy was talking about, but instead she wants to breastfeed from a pregnant woman and also give her an orgasm so good that she goes into labor. Cool. Yeah, why not? I don't know. I know it will shock you to hear, but she's also a furry.

What? I don't know. Is that shocking? Is that shocking? I think that might be, that might be kind of rye humor. Yeah, I think it's rye. Yeah. Reverend Chicago is a blame for this.

And she gets furry art of her character done where she is pregnant and leaking milk out of her huge tits. Oh, and she made friends with the coyote. You may be familiar with and she commissioned some weird art of her as a train getting jacked off onto by Yodhi, the coyote. Picks included. That's the guy that inflated my ball. Yes, yes, Yodhi.

You want to see that? Oh, he's feeling upset. Oh, this is feeling upset. Here he is. I don't know if we can show the, Oh, she's just feeling upset. Du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du. Here is, I don't know if we can show the, yeah, here's the train. She is a snake train. A train that's also a snake. And the coyotes jacking off on her yode who filled up my balls. I can't show that one.

No. There's a pregnant lizard lady I could probably show that. What's in her hand? Is it one to bread? I don't know what that is. I can't see from here. I can't see from here either. There you go, it's a little peak of that.

Can't show that some kind of a snake. Right, so she looks like a cobrus. It's got a hood, pregnant cobra. Again, obviously can't show that. Milk all over the body. All right, a lot of. Obviously can't show that. Milk all over. All right. A lot of milk. Good for you.

A little leaky. Good for you buddy. Let's see if you got a real leaker. I think I'm, I think I'm being messed with. Is he calling back? Yeah. No, I'm calling him. He's not gonna do it, is he? Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- I work at a zoo if Sean needs some good animal facts. I'm his guy. Well, why don't you send some stuff in then?

And some stuff in. Dude, I can Sean, don't read my name. Feel free to read this on the show, but please leave me an honest. I'm a STEM professor at a generally well respected university, so I know I am not an expert in virology. I do consider myself more of an expert than the average journalist.

I enjoyed listening to you to debate about the Rona on this week's episode as I always do. Sean is correct that there have been numerous studies demonstrating that masks work. However, what both of you fail to mention is that there have also been numerous studies which either fail to show their effectiveness, actively show ineffectiveness, or even demonstrate harm. Here is a sampling, which is by no means comprehensive. Did I say explicitly you can pick whatever study you want for this stuff?

Yeah, I emailed back and forth with this guy a little bit too. Pick whatever study you want. There's one out there that shows whatever you want. Because it's so big. The studies, he said, and he's a cool guy. I found out kind of like what he does, what he maybe help him call in or something at some point. Okay, all right. Um, but yeah, he kind of offered up.

He said, he said, I, something he said, I kind of drunkenly searched for Chan. Yeah. For studies and then very quickly, very quickly like half-assed vetted them. Oh, he did. Well, yeah, that's what he said. I might have overstated my, you know, him.

The guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, him. Here, look, look, look, look. If you tell me that you got something that works, I don't believe you. That's my philosophy on this and everything else. Well, we got big problems coming. Oh, big problem. We got

a big, big population. Population is going crazy. We're going to be overpipedulated. I don't believe you. Yeah. That's my, we got, uh, we got global warming happening. Well, global warming, I don't believe you. Look at this graph, though. I'm looking at it. I don't know. Don't believe you. Well, here's the study. Here's how we did it. I don't know. I just kind of, I see a lot of, I don't really see it as conclusive. One plus one equals to believe it. See it. Believe it. Well, here's, here's, well, I'm getting too far into it. And the, the, from what I did look at the ones that are possibly harmful, they seem to be two ply cloth masks specifically. Yeah.

As well as I'm saying. And people, you're correct, are very difficult to pin down because it's, how are they using them? Do they use them correctly? Are they washing them? No. Are they? No, so, right.

There we go. But that's like, you know, that's going to happen. And that's why it's very difficult for certain kinds. But that's like, you know that's gonna happen. And then that's a lot of them. And that's why it's very difficult on for certain kinds. Now, like the, I'll tell you one thing, that 95s and stuff like that seem to have been demonstrated. But what a lot of people are wearing,

you know, depending on how they use them. I also think that they're, I read, oh fuck, I gotta find it. I read that it's a, that the masks are, there was some study that says they are, they're not effective, they block some stuff, but not enough, and it depends on the mask, only when you, well, you know,

people are using cloth, fine large. People aren't using fucking medical masks. They just not. Well, no, no, some are, most people are using, well, but there's difference between the cloth and then like the four ply like surge. Those blue ones. Those stupid blue ones. Yeah, but there's a lot of use in those. People are using those, but a lot of those are three and four ply.

So not the two ply. So this is what, there's my thoughts on it. Yes, sure. If you're sick, put a mask on, probably helps. Don't talk. Don't touch shit. If you're sick. Now, if you're talking about whether they're effective or not,

I think that as the study was talking about was what I already thought. If you're wearing them, probably isn't stopping everything. No, it's not stopping everything. It's not stopping everything. And the absolute thing that you must not do is talk to a person at their face. Yeah, nobody has stopped doing that.

Yeah, nobody. Because he get a false right. And you're like, when I walked off the plane, have a good day, have a good day, like, right. Can you pull more H's in that? Have a happy holiday? You're just fucking spewing it. I know you think that that's a magical barrier,

but it's not. No, it's not. The shit is small. Yeah, it's not. Yep. No, you's not. Shit is small. Yeah, it's not. Yep. No, you're right. It can give a false sense of security. Absolutely for sure.

So yeah, that's, yeah, well, anyway, uh, cherry cap. Hey, Dickenshawn. Nathan from, oh, Nathan from Phoenix here. Not seeking advice. It's just my thoughts on the recent episode. And the recollect, uh, the recollection of political themes regarding the lockdown. I'm squarely on the side. It's not the prerogative of others positively to

limit or constrain my natural freedom of movement and speed and exchange, lockdown censorship, mask, credit, blacklisting, et cetera. Except that there are, except that so many are so weak. And indebted, they lash out by trying to lame everyone else. Expert opinions are worth just as much to themselves as mine are to me. That's true too. Expert opinions are worth just as much to themselves as my notar to me. That's true too.

I do however wear a mask in the course of my employment in order to retain it. Yeah. Right. I mean, I don't have a... My problem is that kids have to do it. My biggest problem is that fucking kids are earning mask free time. Yeah. I think your biggest problem is that you have to do it.

And that I can't go to bars. Like the idea that Amazon can, the idea that Amazon can have a cafeteria open where all those motherfuckers are sitting around eating but I can't go to a bar and drink by I fucking self, is just as an eye to me. The idea that healthy people have to wear a mask to fucking talk to each other

like this, this whole concept that the healthy have to defend, have to defend themselves against the sick is preposterous. Let me, let me, let me, let me say something. Maybe it'll surprise you. I think, I think we're at a stage where the lockdown of any kind needs to end. Yeah, and because it's passed the point of, it's out there. Whatever we did do or didn't do in the past, it's too late, it's over. And I think with vaccines coming,

more and more people getting it, I think that it's gonna have to be the people who are high risk are going to have to self isolate and severely limit who they're in touch with, who comes over to their house. And I think it's gotta be because it's just gone. We're much better at treating it now. Much better at treating it now. And I think it's time.

I don't think you can continue this. Dr. Riu, who should probably call in. Oh, yeah. Should probably call in just to, I just like to get his perspective, like just what he's seeing and stuff like that. He was saying the problem is, is we've been in this kind of,

half ass thing from the beginning. He's like, how do you get out of it, you know, half-ass thing from the beginning. He's like, how do you get out of it? You know, when it, well, not forever. Well, when you don't lock down heart, it's like you get, we get like a D for effort. You can't un-lie to people. So like you can't go, oh yeah, turns out global warming wasn't really that big of a deal.

It was all, you can't say like, oh, actually, it would cost us less to just move the cities and let the oceans go up than to do all this shit. So never mind. Like, you can't, I'm picturing a city just picking up a skirt and walking. That's what I'm feeling actually. Lex Luthor did it thought of it. I mean, Lex Buckinglow, they're going to do it. Yeah, I forget what made me think of it.

This is a line from Fnucci. He said he's been slowly, but he's been slowly, but deliberately moving the goalposts, partly based on new science and partly on his gut feeling that the country is finally ready to hear what he really thinks. How does it maybe, he says it may take close to 90% immunity to bring the virus to a halt, 90% of vaccines, 90% of people vaccinated, almost as much as needed to stop a measles outbreak. Asked about his conclusions, he said he might be proven right. The early range of 60 to 70% was almost undoubtedly too low, they said, and the virus is becoming

more transmissible. More transmissible, so it will create, it will take greater herd immunity to stop it. Finucci said that a week ago, he hesitated to publicly raise his estimate because many Americans seemed hesitant about vaccines, which they would need to accept almost universally in order for the country to achieve herd immunity. They're now that, yeah, when polls said only about half of all Americans would take a vaccine, I was saying herd immunity would take like 70 to 75%. Then when newer surveys said 60% or more, I said

I can nudge this up a bit. So I went 80 to 85. Is this fucking guy just incapable of telling the truth? I mean, say leave out all of the other shit. He is saying flat out people seem to have the tent to take it. A phone call with him, the New York fucking times, is that good enough? That right here. Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's, oh, well, you know, there originally I said 60 to 70 would have to take it because only half of America said they would take it.

Then 60 to 70 said they would take it. So I said 80. Like, can we shoot you out of a fucking cannon? What do you? What the fuck are you talking about? And then you admitted that you did that. Are you insane? Uh, let me find the exact quote. Of course, it's pay walled. So I forget a dollar to figure out if I'm being lied to by the, by the medical. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget.

I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget.

I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget.

I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. I don't forget. into getting vaccinated, which, you know, I've got, I've got lots of numbers and stuff on the vaccine developments and all that kind of stuff. You know, like how we tell women they need to lose 500 pounds when they only need to lose 20. And then you tell them you need to lose five and then they won't say, you lose five, then you say, how do you know why she's lose 10? Yeah, she's losing 10.

You know, same thing, same shit. Well, it's a, you know, same shit different day. Okay, let's see. Passion is needed or at least mania and more young blood, my here's a mistake. My rage for society is economics and convention, criminalizing the mating of physically, physically matriculated men and women whilst

they might still produce relatively vigorous offspring. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what. What's going on? That's his rage. Yeah, something about offspring there. People are real, guys get way too into progeny and mating. Yeah, I know. Just like, um, you know, females. Yeah.

Right. So it's matings that you're doing, he's gonna have to pay off. What are your intentions with my female daughter? I found my grandad's eight millimeter porn stash a decade after he died. Eight millimeter porn condoms. Winter, eat, winter three, three stash. That's right after they stopped inscribing it on tablets.

Yeah, grand, grand, grand dads. Yeah, let's see here. You wanna see some of this porn out, Sean? Eight millimeter porn out. Sean's eight millimeter. He has, he showed you? He sent it, yeah. Back in May, my parents tasked me to transferring my paternal grandparents

eight millimeter home movies that digital MP4 is for preservation. Ha ha ha ha. Expecting it to be a simple enough task. I agreed on the grounds that I'd be paid the reel of the film. I should I'd be paid the real of the film. I should have been paid by the length of the film as the professionals charge come to find out. I was given a crateful of about 150 reels of eight millimeter co-dact color

film ranging from 1958 to 1979. The whole process took over a month due to the transfer rate being incredibly slow on the Wolverine. Okay. Now, it was a good part. I was about two and a half weeks into looking at boring family shit, like my dad taking his first steps in the winter of 1963. Chris says, why would I want to do that? I'm not here for your sick entertainment. Well, does he? Now, he's still talking to Mr. your what your name is Chris.

Chris what? I didn't say it's Christopher. Oh, you're Christopher, okay. His first set, my aunt's confirmation, a family trip to Disney World in the mid-70s, so on. I just, I had just finished the last of the small eight millimeter reels and was moving on to the five medium reels that looked different

from the other reels in the crate. These were older, actually, black and white films, a, wow, black and white films. Wow, this guy's very specific. I had no idea what was looking at. The camera was so close to the filming. I thought I was watching Workman lay a pipe into concrete. That's okay.

My eyes grew wide as the camera pulled further back and I realized I was looking at close up of a fat cock pulverizing some broads, Vage. I turned back to the other floor. Did you really think it was a piper? Was that a little joke you slipped in there? Clean me up. All of them, my favorite,

has to be the one shot in some motel room. There's a naked woman on some shitty motel bed wearing a sign that says, clean me up and a guy comes over holding a vacuum and starts pushing it into her, oh my goodness gracious. Now to you, Dick, and close this email you it into her. Oh my goodness gracious. Now to you, Dick, in close this email, you'll find a link to my Google Drive.

Now let's see. With all my grandpa's porn. Good. Good. That's fine. Like his grandpa probably isn't even that old. Yeah, like the eight. I forget.

Oh really? Well, that's what he said. So he like, 1958 to 1979 was when this grandpa was taking that stuff. Yeah. So he had to be born in 40s, probably 40, maybe 30s. Pretty old. That's very old. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait.

He was taking that? He was making those a co-act color film from 58 to 79. Good God. That's all. Everything's a lot older than I think. It's the opposite for me. Everything's younger than you. When I think of grandparents, I think people who live through, at our age, people who live through the depression and World War II and stuff like that. It's like now people's grandparents are supporting.

Now grandparents are supporting. No, I mean, they go back to Vietnam and stuff. You know, it's like, you're right. Okay, he's got five files in here. Well, let's check one of them out. All right. Oh, here we go. Oh, God. Oh, my God. This is old pornography. All right. right. You can feel it. There's so much hair. Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Look at this gross thing on the film, a close-up of a pussy right here.

Oh, is that a guy? Is that a woman? I can't tell. Why do they have to get so close? Yeah. I'm skipping around. It's all extreme close-ups. I feel like I'm watching the coded spice channel.

Like my parents would go to bed, fire up spines, or a graze, is that a nipple? Like, yeah, that's a nipple. Oh great, it came in crystal clear for a second as some woman making a, oh, making a phase. Right. All right, here's a little far away shot of two people having sex.

I can't even tell how big her tits are. No. This is class, this class about is porn. All right, well. I can't see shit. Okay, thereits are. No. This is classified as porn. I can't see shit. Okay, there we go. That's a cock. Right. Going into a vagina.

All right, blow job there. Jesus Christ. These poor grandpa's, they had this to come home to. Yeah. No wonder they fought, no wonder there's so many wars. Gotta get out of here. Yeah. What's waiting for me at home? I'm fucking extreme close-up pornography. All right, buddy. We'll go. Good shit. What's he say now? What's he say now?

You're day will come. You may think it's funny, but it's abuse. I don't deserve to be abused. Oh, just call in and tell me. Thank you for the show from a woman. Hey, Dikachon. I'm writing to say how much I enjoyed the show and it's keeping me sane. Goodbye. Like so many others, lockdown has made life intolerable and having two kids younger than first grade hasn't been easy. Yes, it sucks that my provisional ballot for Trump

in PA was thrown out because I'm in the process of fleeing Philly and living with my parents. So I couldn't go to my registered polling place. By the way, I went to Philly Road Rage years back. Great night. I had complimented my show. First one. But you know, it makes me a rage being named Karen in the year 2020.

Of course, it was no picnic being saddled with this name when I was born in the early 80s. And every other Karen was already middle aged when I was five. Really? I guess it's not a very popular name, is it? But having your name be a synonym of racist, petty, and old is a bridge too far. I think it directly led to me buzzing my hair to number two on the clippers,

my husband bought in May. Wow. I think he's a patriot only in the show, but I stay out of these finances like a wife should. So shout out to him if you read this on the air. If you ever need a woman's opinion on something, you should know, I know the dates of all American wars and conflicts and can locate my vagina.

Oh, that's great. So basically an asymptote of non-femininity approaching as closely as possible to the Y chromosome without obtaining it. 36 Bs, but I'm married, so it doesn't matter to anyone anymore. That's true. Merry Christmas.

Happy New Year and go fuck yourself. Karen, keep America rational, efficient, and nuclear. Wow, we're gonna have none of those things, Karen. None at all. Okay, what do I have some advice here? You got an erotic story to or anything, or? You know what, I did have one for you. You did, but you said it was long, right?

Yeah, it was long. We haven't done those long. We can read it today. What's better advice or erotic, no? It's true. Advice. What do you, let me ask a chat. Have you read ahead at all how good is the erotic story?

Because sometimes they don't pay off and you're like, oh, come on. Well, yeah, guys, sometimes they'll just write me like that they hooked up. Like, that's not, that's not an erotic story. It's got to have a fucked up ending to it. Well, yeah, we like those. What do you think, Kevin? Erotic story or advice? Erotic story, okay.

Yeah, it has a little. Oh, the dick show presents. Oh, the bearded, erotic story. It is from real men. All right, everybody. Let me see what's going on in here. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do happy is I am one myself. I thought I would send in an erotic story from a real man, as a thank you. Since I was 14, I've had a thing for cross-dressing.

Is it erotic enough for you now? It started with me sneaking into my older sister's room to try on her underwear. It escalated into me wearing full-on outfits of hers. Since I'm an idiot, this didn't go unnoticed, and she soon found out. Oh. Oh my God. How you deal with that one?

I didn't leave these skid marks in my panties. My sister is a total hippie, though. I didn't eat corn, so she was supportive of me. And started lending me clothes. Ah. Actually, I like that. This gets the enabling, sure. Is it enabling?

It's gotta get better. It's gotta get a bit. Is it enabling? But it's gotta make the fuck, who cares? It's gotta make for a better story, right? Yeah, whenever we had the house to ourselves, which was quite often as my father is a single parent and an insurance advisor who travels to different companies

to discuss insurance plans. These all seem like such a set up riveting. She would dress me up in her clothes and help me with makeup. Awesome. Well, she wanted a doll to, I'm taking it, she has no other sisters or anything. Some's going on, some weird's going on.

Definitely. These cross-dressing sessions got us uncomfortably close together. We would do it late at night after she got back home from doing drugs and watching Cartoon network with her hippie friends. Oh my God. There are trads right now. They're melting down all over the country. She would share embarrassing secrets with me and talk about her love life all the time.

Oh God. I think this is called the right of love life. I think that's called a boundary issue. For the first few years, she was always avoiding me during the day as she found our relationship very uncomfortable when she wasn't intoxicated. Oh wow. As time went on, she got more comfortable with it.

She could drunk and dress him up and watch a cartoon network. He can't, so he sees like a Stephen Universe. It's freaking out. Eventually we started going on dates where we would hang out in public while I was dressed as a girl. This is his sister. Yeah, we live in a small town. A kind of everybody knows everybody place.

So we would take the bus into the city and that's about one and a half hours from where we live and nobody would recognize us. A lot of people really thought I was a girl. How old was he? 14-ish. Yeah. We went to see the premiere for the Slenderman movie. My sister held my hand in the darkness of the cinema.

The movie sucked ass so I knew she wasn't actually scared. She must have really wanted to hold hands. Oh no, what kind of... Oh no. I told you this one was good. No. One night I was home alone reading the triflers, the Munky Jones book.

Good. When I suddenly got a call from one of my sister's friends, it turns out that my sister ate a few too many edibles or whatever and got high out of her mind. I don't know a lot about drugs. It's none of my friends are into them, but it sounded serious. Her friends were worried that she wouldn't be able

to get home in her current state and told me to come pick her up. So I got in my dad's car and drove to the chick's house. When I saw my sister, she was a wreck. She was staring into nothingness and she had an expression in her face. Like, it was her first time seeing a wall. Whenever me and the other girls tried talking to her,

she would either nervously giggle or, or when we had to, she got too high. It was a debacle, but we eventually got or win me, and she got too high. It was a debacle, but we eventually got her into the car and I drove her home. I sat her down on her bed and gave her a glass of water. Her mind had cleared to a point that she could speak coherently,

but she was still drowsy and not quite herself. I sat down behind her and she leaned back into my lap after sitting like this for 10 minutes. I was bored out of my mind, so I started playing with her hair. Is this fucking for real? And what's the sister look like? Like seriously, I gotta get something out of this.

What's the one you wanted to look like? What's the important question you always want answered? Is this fucking, yeah, I do want to know how big her tits are. Is this legit? I don't know. I never know. Let me look up this dude.

It's gotta be fake, right? It is oddly specific. Oddly specific. You know what I mean, that's the, it's pretty great. I mean, he's talking about specific instances and Edibles and you know, he could just be a good writer Yeah, I don't know. What do you think I keep reading? I mean, yeah, my friends were worried

No, right after some prodding she admitted that she'd been having thoughts about me for years And then it was weirding her out as I'm her brother. I was certain this was all going to be disavowed tomorrow And if I wanted any action, it would have to happen tonight. Oh, I think I won a kiss and we started making out. No, yeah, I'm, but no, it was my first time kissing with Tongue. We went out of her few minutes while slowly and raising each other tighter and tighter. This has got to be finished, right? As soon as he, yeah, went in for a kiss, like, yeah,

I'm not making out session ended, which he's threw up in her mouth. Keep in mind that I was also in her mouth at that moment. I ran to the bathroom to gargle some mouthwash. When I came back, she was already asleep. I figured she was out cold and wouldn't wake up if I had a feel of her breasts. Well, she was asleep.

So I rubbed one out and then went to bed. No way. No way. It got off the rack. It got too weird. I'm definitely skeptical. Now she starts making him dress up. My sister and I have been in a secret relationship

for almost a year now, and we've been having sex multiple times a week. No way. I'm calling Shenanigans on this. What do you think, heaven? No, that's no, that's fake. That's gotta be fake. You've been listening to melodic stories from... All right, we should have done advice. No, that's now that's fake. That's gotta be fake

All right, we should have done advice You got to prove it's real somehow. Yeah, the weed haze was real I mean Faker than Kamala hair. Did you just did you hear Kamala Harris's Qanzas stories? She was gathered around the Qanza box or whatever they really as a kid that was her most happy times and the Qanzas stories. She was gathered around the Qanza box or whatever they really as a kid. That was her most happy times and the Qanza box. No. Getting over a girl. Hey, Dickenshond, I'm having trouble getting over a girl and need your help.

Good can situation. Perky Seacups. I've known her off and on for about 12 years. And I always wanted to fuck her because men can't be friends with women. The stars aligned and we started a long distance dating about two years ago. That's great. Right. But we had visited each other a lot.

I almost preferred it that way, though there were talks of her moving to my country. Things were good, not many arguments. Not many arguments. Wow, I fucking wonder why. Yeah. I want fucking wonder why, how easy it is to get along with a girl that you don't have to see ever.

Stop calling long distance things relationships. We're pen pals, then COVID hits, and we can no longer visit due to the borders being locked down. Well, then your relationships over. We transitioned to purely online pretty well, I think. How? But then as two weeks became months and months, I feel like lockdown started to wear on us. Oh, you think? Eventually I joked about going to Greenland. She didn't like that and ended up complaining about a laundry list of issues she had, but never mind.

Then she ghosted and blocked me on everything, literally everything. Yeah, good. Oh wow. You locked out. I'm having trouble getting over it now. I thought about sending her a letter, but then that screamed Maddox letter to 80s girl vibes to me

and I thought better of it. Yes, don't do that. I thought about doing Tinder shit, but the only chicks that aren't scared of meeting up due to COVID are hippos. Well, sorry to tell you that chicks are, I mean, I'm sorry, this is how you learn that chicks are so fucking fat, but that's the way it is. I'm suffering from lack of closure. How fucking dare you?

Don't you ever say, don't you ever say that word to me? I'm suffering from lack of closure. If you could, if you had a, if I could erase her family, if I could erase her in her entire family tree back to the beginning of time, and this experience would have never happened to you, you would still fucking complain about closure. I don't know why, but I have this feeling of lack of closure. Well, whoever invented that should get a Nobel prize in bullshit, you never closure thing. Stop being so fucking emotional. Well, stop listening to women's horseshit,

telling you, stop listening to any emotional lessons that women teach you and stop listening to this idea that men need to be more emotional. You don't. This whole, it's okay to cry thing is based on a faulty premise that it is never gets any better. That's what that's the one thing every single woman all fucking day. It's okay for little boys to cry.

No, it's not okay because it gives them the false idea that it ever gets that it's ever that it's ever not worth crying for, that it ever gets any better, and it doesn't. Don't cry, you should be thinking God, that it's not tomorrow, and things will be infinitely worse. I mean, that's a tough lesson you learn, is that you don't, just because you need it, doesn't mean you get it.

So you have to figure out, you have to figure out how to let that go. You know why? You're not gonna get it. You're your own closure. You don't, you're not gonna get that from her. Shut up about closure. You know why it's okay for women to cry?

Because they get attention and they get all their fucking problem solved. You will never get that as a man. It only gets worse. It's different. People will be grossed out being around you. Because if you're crying, God, who knows what else you're gonna do? Maybe you get pissed off and kill somebody, you wanna go get crazy, fuck your sister.

Oh, I hate it when women say that, we gotta start telling boys, it's okay for them to cry. Then they'll never stop. Is that what you want? You dumb bitch. I'm gonna start your big corporate, big corporations, everybody know, big corporations. Everybody starts with like a 10 minute cry in the morning, you know.

Oh God, I have to go to work today. Oh, every fucking day, the moment you wake up, start crying. And never stop until you cry yourself to sleep. Is that okay? Is that a good thing that should little boys be doing that? Well, if it'll keep you from annoying me, then yes, you go ahead and do that. It's okay. When is it not okay to cry? When can I stop? At what point in the day, am I allowed to stop crying? Mmm. I'm suffering from malaccal closure. I think, and I have no idea what to do. It's been bugging me for a few months now.

Go fuck yourself, Captain Rick. You've got to fuck a new girl, man. You have got to fucking new girl as quickly as possible. Put those thoughts in a box, put those thoughts in a little box, shove them onto the new girl. Just take all the, find a replace. Take the old girl, wipe out her name, replace, copy and paste it with the new name. That's the new girl you're dating. She probably did all those things.

This is the same fucking girl. You will date the same fucking girl Your entire life. They will be slightly different in hair color and weight Each will find a new and innovative way to disappoint you But the other one would have done the exact same fucking thing. They're all the fucking same Especially the ones you will date. So find a new, replace the name, that's the old girl, the next one will be the same as the one you're dating. They're all a fucking shame.

He's putting her on a pedestal in his mind, and you only, you can't do that. Yeah, you can't do that. You have to now. It's impossible to meet girls now. You got to fake all kinds of vaccine records now. I can't. God, all right.

I have to get it. How many tests do I have to get to show you that I hold into half? I have to get one today. We got a test by the way. We got COVID tests. Yeah. Mailed them in. Came back today.

Negative. So you made them in. Yeah. So two healthy people just sat around on Christmas not seeing their healthy family. Yeah. For now, because you never did go through with a dodger stadium one. No. We did a mail-in test. Right, mail the man.

Fine. Yeah, so just, whoa! Set there, do you have nothing? Surprise that. Happened. I got blueball. Hey, Dick, I'm the guy who emailed last week asking for advice about being a 23-year-old virgin security guard.

My girls would flirt with and immediately ghost me when I expressed interest in them. I was really happy when you started reading. Did you do it creepily? That was my question from last week. Yes. Yeah. I was really happy when you started reading the email since I thought you would get to the

part where I asked for your advice, but I got cut off by Mad Cux calling it. I never got your input. Oh right. Just you don't have to read the old email again. The basic gist of it was that I work as a security guard as a college partner building. And more than a few girls have come down to the front desk to talk flirt with me and take it well when I flirt back. But the second I ask them out are come to come hang out

at my place sometime. Ooh, yeah. They would always stop coming down to talk to me and ghost me on text. And they complained to the complaint and then you got reprimanded. Basically, I was asking for advice on what my approach should be with these kinds of women looking forward

to your advice, thick, as I'm starting to get desperate. Between last week and this one, I had the chance to finally fuck a chicken, lose my virginity at a party, but she was morbidly obese, as in she wasn't allowed to sit on the nice chairs at the party. Oh my God. As the way limit was 280 pounds, as't allowed to sit on the nice chairs at the party. Oh my God.

Because the weight limit was 280 pounds, so she had to sit on the floor. Wait, well, that actually came up. Yeah. The weight limit was, hang on, I sit on those chairs. Hold that weight. Wait, wait, wait, do not sit down there. Thank you. Thank you.

You're fucking telling me. Thank you. I want to be a fly on the wall for that interaction. Oh, he's just painted that chair. Yeah, I did. They checked the right and the foundation. If it's a fucking, if it's an old, you know, raised foundation, I mean, she should, the weak spot in that fucking flooring, she could go right through.

Uh, thankfully, I couldn't bring myself to do it, but I fear I may get desperate enough to go through with it. If a similar opportunity arises, I capitalized bring myself to do it, but I fear I may get desperate enough to go through with it if a similar opportunity arises. I capitalize all my eyes this time. Also go fuck yourself. Well, I mean, I don't know, man, it's hard to really say what you're doing without seeing your texts. Yeah, true.

You're creepy. That's the problem. You are misreading the situation. Could be. That's the fucking problem. Or because women see you as it like an object, like a security guard. I don't know. I don't know how hot you. I don't know why they're talking to you. They like to waste your time that they like to sit there and be entertained by you. A man, you're stuck there behind a desk.

You're the perfect guy that they can just sit and talk to and get their egos fed. That's what it is. Otherwise, yeah, you're misreading the fucking situation. There's gotta be a creepy vibe going on. You say creepy stuff. Send me your text, I don't know. Coming over to my place.

Tell me where you live. Hanging out. Stop coming out of the talk, basically I was asking you what was it here? The second I asked them out were to come hang out at my place sometime. You got to trick women into everything. And it's harder to do when there's nothing to do. Go we should go see this band together.

She's thinking, Oh, wow, this guy just wants to go see a band with me. He just wants to do this fucking activity. Hey, we should go see our gynecologist together. Oh, yeah, of course That makes sense. We can both we both have appointments We can go both go to the gynecologist and get our nails done right that makes total sense I don't want to see that fucking doctor At the same time, I don't think I'm buying them. Yeah. That's my advice. I have Sean's animal corner today too. Oh yeah. Sean's animal corner.

Oh, holy shit. I've got a few. Oh, hey, Decker's animal fact. It's illegal to have just one guinea pig in Switzerland because they're a pack animal and get lonely. Do you know that? Well, no, but that's that's law. This is nothing about an animal.

Oh, you're calling shenanigans on that one? Yeah. I mean, did you know that about guinea pigs? I did know that they're better in pairs or more. I'll give you that one then. The legal part is interesting, but it's not animal fat. Yeah, I guess it is. Um, never tell you about my, uh, my buddy who, uh, ate quay, like in, uh, oh, I couldn't

do it. Where to Peru. I couldn't eat. Yeah, I think it was, yeah, it was Peru, but, um, I would try it, but like he thought Guinea pigs were like little pigs, like they were, you know, they were, they were related to, they were like a very, very small, you know, of, you know, porcelain animal. But, and I let him know that they were,

they were rodents. Pat. Yeah. What do you say? He was very disturbed by the eight one. Yeah, he was very, very angry. He was very angry that he was so angry. Yeah.

Is that you? I don't know what costume. What is that? That's you and Sam Hyde outfit. Really? Damn, that's crazy. That is. Yeah. Is that you? I don't know. What costume? What is that? It's you and Sam. Hi. Really? Damn. That's crazy. That is. Okay. I'll give you that one. Thanks for the laughs. Totally worth five bucks on the pity. JJ, see horses have no stomach and must eat constantly to stay alive.

Did you know that? No. Whoa. I did not know. See horses have no stomach. That's why. All right. Mouse's sperm is larger than an elephant sperm. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,-like growth around wooden sphere that protects the, I mean, that seems a little how much, how's the size of this? There's a character limit on these facts. Yeah. Did you know all of that stuff about a wasp there? No, I did not. The world's largest single organism in the world. Aspen, oh, this. The world's largest single organism. Yeah in the world. Okay. Yeah. Good. Is a forest known as Pando a colonial colony of an individual quaking aspen. Yeah. I did know that.

Everyone knows that. Yeah. The heaviest living animal is a blue whale and not your mom. As previously thought. Did you know that? Damn it. Well, I was, they're neck and neck there for a while. We need a tiebreaker. Fuck, I ran out of facts. Why did I have an even number of facts? This is a big font. Well, I mean, I can go, I can go 50-50 on some shows, can't I?

You want to draw? I can't do it. Well, I don't know. I mean, ideally not, but, you know, somebody sent me a screenshot of theirs. Okay, don't look at this. I got to read it. To avoid being eaten, the Eastern Hognos snake will rise, rise in fake agony, throw up, shit itself, and finally lie still, belly up.

Did you know that? That's fucking hell. That's a true hour. Of course. Yeah, come on now. You're going to have to bring something better than a Hognos snake. That's bad true hour. It's a true hour. Yeah, come on now. You're gonna have to bring something better than a hot nose snake. That's bad. Bad shuns and a little quarterback.

I mean, let me just send this email real quick. Have you ever seen the fainting goats? Yeah, they're so funny. They're hilarious. Yeah, I love those guys. All right, baby, this is Mddick Show. Patreon.com slides to Dixiel. Happy New Year, see're so funny. They're hilarious. Yeah, I love those guys. All right, baby, this is Mddick Show. Patreon.com slides to Dix show. Happy New Year, see you next Tuesday.

Yeah, and shit. Happy New Year, Dix. Happy New Year, Dix. And you're Dix. And you're Dix. Happy New Year, Dix. And you're Dix. And you're Dix.

And you're Dix. And you're Dix. And you're Dix. And you're Dix. And you're Dix. And you're Dix. And you're Dix. And you're Dix.

And you're Dix. And you're Dix. And you're Dix. And you're Dix. Yeah. After a while. It's going to be more of the same for a while. And I don't think they're better. I don't think they're ever opening up fun stuff again. I saw that. I think they will. I think they will. Why? What incentive do they have to open it up? Why would they ever let you in a bar after midnight again? Because liquor. Well, and fun. It's a good point. Everybody hates fun. Why would they let me drink ever again? That comes back to dick. It comes back to dick. Why would they? You have too much fun. You know, as somebody said, somebody said on Reddit, yeah, Sean's right. It's because Dicks have been never never been told no. Wait a minute. Never been told no. I am right. I was banned from from fucking I've been banned from comedy banned from the internet

Ban from all global credit card processing always get it from every fight out never been told no I have only been told no That's why I'm so crazy about it only only since day one you can't call women fat I I nailed that one. I have only been told no. Only! This is Oxmad.

The cowboy by the Grand Wasu. Great. You remember the Grand Wasu was making a Christmas album? Yes, and about that. He didn't get it ready. He said he's gonna release it soon. The cowboy was a jolly happy soul. He literally does listen to this kid It turned the cowboy was a jolly happy soul He linked his lizard and his skin

And bugged it like a hoax game Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, He even had to win. Oh, he's a... What? Oh, he's a... What's going on? Don't say it. I think we need Carl to reveal these songs. Uh, what's, what's, what's, There. Oh, oh, oh, oh, there? It's a little bit.

Oh, it's a rough bit of a guy. What does this 12 minutes? I'm looking at the. Alright. I'm pretty impressed. That's the impregnation. Alright. Okay, okay, okay, that's enough.

Mint, mint did do that. Sorry, that one's gonna have to be a bonus track or something. Mint did this. She animated the Joe Biden conversation we had where he trips over his dog. Do you remember that? This is great. This is like what, what was it, Ricky Gervais? Yeah. Just to do with, yeah.

Those are so funny. Let me get it here. You can see it on the video, Patreon.com slash stick show, only $1.00, that's fucking video costs. We're watching it. Now this is mint, mint, mint salad. Showbiting says he broke his foot, tripping after the shower when he pulled his dog's tail.

You said, like most people would just say, like I was playing with my dog, and I tried. Yeah, why is the shower part of it? What happened was I got out of the shower. This was so funny. I got a dog, dropped, little pup, dropped a ball in front of me. Fuck, after the shower. Yeah. And for me to grab the ball,

biting told CNN journalist Jake Asshole. It was first of a post-election, it just was so good. Oh, wow, go, thank God. They got this. The dog dropped the ball, one of the play. And I'm walking through this little alleyway to get to the bedroom. And I grabbed the ball like this and he ran.

He's still naked then. He's playing fetch with a naked fetch. Kind of sounds like it. And I'm joking, running after him and grab his tail. Yeah. And what happened was, what happened? Well, he's tripped out and my dick went right into the dog. It was the damn distinct dog.

That happened, well. Million to one shot, but he's slid on a throw rug, and I tripped on the rug, he slid on. Okay. Yeah, I could see that. Grab a tail, and he slid on the rug. Right. And I slid, but he stopped and it bunched up.

What is he fucking running naked after a shower? That's all I could picture. What does the shower have to do with that? I don't know. I tripped over my fucking rug. That's what I said. This is a shower have to do with it? I don't know. I know. I tripped over my fucking dog. That's what I said. The shower have to do with it. I don't know. That's what happened. Oh man, not a very exciting story. It became exciting when you threw all the new made it weird. When you're tailed. Why did you make it weird?

I was fucking hilarious salad. That's got her. She's got her, her logo, is her logo pops up at the end tastefully. Yeah. And it happens to be right under where YouTube says next video. So her logo is obscured by the recommended such a damn it. Stint of Google. No. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I love that whole concept of animating a conversation. Me too. That's done well. It's done well. They're so fucking funny. How long did that take her? I don't know. Is she in here?

Mint, how long did that take you? Get Radass on. Radass, do you wanna come on? Can I explain your name? Yeah. Well, I mean, just explain yourself. If she wants to come on, auto function at the end of, I'm literally right.

Well, yeah, I know I have this thing right. I don't, I don't believe things unless they people say them themselves, Hotho, I am and I know, I know, I know that this works. I know that's shocking for people. No one else seems to operate on this principle, but me, I mean, even if you're sitting right next to them, I say, well, I got a kind of hear from them. I need closure on this thing that I need to hear from them. Yeah. Okay.

Rat, Rat asks, so I don't think, I don't think Chris is good for you. You're on, by the way. I don't know. I mean, he's such a gem. Such a fun to talk to. I'm telling him that you're on right now, I have, okay. Yeah, he, I posted some of the videos and the dickheads only trout, but he's a treat. Pretty wild that he's admitted to beating his ex-girlfriend. That was Noah's revelation for me. Really? I'm, oh, that to beating his ex-girlfriend. That was no, it was a revelation for me. Really?

Oh, that he had an ex-girlfriend. Oh, many. Well, who knows if they actually were. I wonder if he's going to consider me an ex-girlfriend now. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. That's what I mean. Right. Yeah.

The lady in the coffee shop, he just walked in one day and just backhanded her. I think you could do better. I think you could do better. I think you can do better too, don't worry. See more, more dad involvement in women's love lives. Yeah, like that. Like I just demonstrated little. Did you know that your first kid would be 20 years old and catfishing a grown man for the laughs for now? We don't know that. What makes you a rage?

Thank you for setting that up. What makes you a rage? Uh, Christ. Uh, Christ, yeah. This is the time to be mad at Christ. I hate wired stuff on computers like wired keyboards, wired mouse, they pissed me off. Okay. Because wires can never be properly organized.

They take it upon themselves to tangle themselves up. You should, you know, awful. Yeah, I have, I've got a bag full of guitar cables, you know, patch cables, all that, all that kind of shit. They can be put away so nice and neat. The next time you go there, they're completely, I have no idea, no fucking idea how they do that. It hasn't even been moved and they do it. Every like year I try to make my entertainment center system or whatever. The wires look like in any way that a human is being like that a person could live here with among these wires and this

chaos. And every, I swear to God every year I make it worse. I get all of the cable management stuff, and it just looks work. Now, we got a new TV, a TV for a man of my stature, Sean, a bigger TV. One that actually works when you turn it on every time. Oh, that's cool. And we went through all this chaos and trouble

to put it on the mount. You know, screaming, we were both screaming at my girlfriend a lot. We ended up punching a hole through the wall. We were both, we were both me and her. We were both screaming at her a lot the whole time. Finally, got it up, finally got it up, yanking the fucking chords through the wall. Yeah. Uh, plugging it in, I duct tape them, I guerrilla tape them behind the TV, I sit down,

watch TV for about 10 fucking minutes, get, get probably get through, drink two and a half, be a 10 fucking minutes, and there's a shluck in all of the HDMI cables fall down behind the TV with the tape on them. And it's been sitting like that for a year and a half with the hanging, the hanging thing and I don't know if I can't, I just, I just gonna sit there forever, fuck it. Um, yeah, wired, wired things. I get it. Anyway, well, if you talk to, if you talk to Chris again, tell him to call him to call in and talk to your dad again, maybe we could work something out. He seemed like

we're both Christian Catholic men. Right. We're just name Christopher. Well, he's his name is Sir. All right, goodbye. How do I mute this? There we go. Mew. God. God damn. Funny shit.

Funny shit. What brings you in, Kevin? Today. I had to get him to sign a book for my friend for a... Ah! That you really thought I might not show up and you could slip into the chair. Why is this shit so fucking slow? God damn it. You do audio work? No. That's all right then. Just somebody got you. Yeah, he's an engineer, not audio.

Posted a Facebook group and get pretty reception so I wanted to come in. that's also one of the couple that message from the wife. Hey, friend or husband, wanna come over tonight. They said, we'll bring the chips and dip, if you guys buy pizza. Oh, oh, well, how much is that? Last time we bought them pizza. Two largest, my wife ate two pieces, they the rest. The woman, very nice lady, but she's a size of test holiday. And her husband's bigger. He's just like 28 years old.

That's an extended holiday. Anyway, okay. You do not invite yourself over. Decide to bring something that's worth five dollars, right? And then have us buy $40 worth of fees. Yeah, feed us dinner. That's not the damn point. Right.

I don't say I hate you. Dude, you buy. I'm coming over tomorrow. You buy everything. Give me some stakes. I'll bring some potato salad. Yeah. Absolutely.

Effing ridiculous. Yep. I don't know if they're just scamming us for food, the scams for poor or if they're just. I suggest that other people spend money. They're like the neighborhood cat that goes door-to-door getting dinner from eight neighbors. And we're like, no, you want pizza, we're splitting this.

You're not doing this. So- Do you buy it? We end up having three large pizzas. For four people, one of them is a hundred pounds. I guess the moral of the story is, women and fat people, it's a rage. If I invite you over, your obligation is,

hey, can I bring anything? I invited you over. Don't suggest that I will split meters of that, but no, I invited you over. I can provide food. You don't seek, yes, come over to my fucking house. Yes, yes. And say, how about you buy pizza?

Go fuck yourself. What is it? Dude, what is it? Thank you fuck yourself. People and money, they just, this is my one week public education course. You kids are gonna have a lot of thoughts about money. They just, it's, this is my one week public education course. You kids are going to have a lot of thoughts about money and most of them are going to be wrong. If you, you should be embarrassed about yourselves, even think, even listening to me talk about

if you, you do not ever suggest how other people could spend their fucking money. You have yours. Figure that out. That's it. As soon as the money's not yours, it doesn't even fucking exist. So let's start there. Doesn't exist. Yeah, he's right. That's, you gotta just cut them off.

Yeah, or overfeed them until they have a hard attack. And you'll be done with them. Either way, either way is good. Hey, dear Kishon. Here's what makes me rage. Beating myself up, man. I really hate having self-doubt and fucking being ultra harsh to myself.

Mm-hmm. And I've heard anything about that. I've heard it since I was a kid, and it's just kind of as a product of having like Parents and shit constantly like shitting on me. Yeah, that would do it. I do that would do it So what is so forth kind of like, you know, Max's parents or whatever I can't even get a sentence out that you know, I beat myself up over that shit So, you know, constantly saying shit for instance like today, you know, I just got to therapy and everything,

but I have a feeling this is gonna be a joke. I'm gonna be going down to business family. And because you can't talk properly, that's why I'm thinking, I don't understand. Friday, so thinking, okay, maybe I'll get in my workout today. Probably can't even do that, right?

But I also just don't want to go. I just wanted to chill. I got in my workout yesterday. But then you feel shitty if you don't go. I feel like I can't allow myself to do that. I can't allow myself to just sit at home and chill and maybe have something good to eat. Some nice, Thai food or Indian food. I feel like I can't do that. It's wrong. And if I do eat it, I feel like I'm a real idiot. This is for a therapist's office only. I really hate having that shit and having to deal with it 24 a 7, and we're not second-guessing myself. I hate it.

I'm so confused. So, I'm so confused. I'm so confused. I'm so confused. I'm so confused. I'm so confused. I'm so confused. I'm so confused. I'm so confused. I'm so confused. I'm so confused. deal with it 24 7 we're not thinking getting myself and I like oh my god so complete. So you know it's

just having to reevaluate my life like that you know I don't know it's just that's a rage mine but I realize it's unrational it's irrational and that it's just not how this is just you know I shouldn't do that myself but it's really not. I mean, this is just, you know, I shouldn't do that to myself, but it's really, really, really hard

to accept that into a play. Why should I be more self-doubt in this voicemail, man? Oh my God. I'm just gonna go fucking chill and maybe smoke today. I don't know. Do you talk to your parents? Do you mind this much to your parents?

What the fuck happened in this chair? I think that's my rage. Go fucking hell. Yeah. Oh my God. I don't know. There's probably something to tighten. That, that voicemail gave me depression. This fucking guy over here.

Whoa. That's not it. It's not an enjoyable way to live. Second guess is everything he does, yeah, I'm really. Dude, I get it. What do you do that? I get it. Done that my entire life, but until, well, until,

well, until you realize that if you spend so much time in your head, you, number one, you might come to some incorrect, like objectively incorrect conclusions, because that's not based, that's really not based on any logic. That's programming from how you fucking grew up. You may, you'll instinctively look to the negative. You'll even, even if somebody points out all these decisions you've made in your life and they're like 50, 50, what he needs is, he knows what he wants to do.

He what he needs, what he needs, or what he needs is the confidence just to do a or b and be all right with it. That doesn't rhyme though. None of those stuff you said rhymes. It doesn't. It doesn't. Well, just get drunk. Then you can't do any of that stuff. That's what a lot of people do.

That's an easy thing. That's what a lot of people do. Find stuff that you could do while you're drunk and then do that as a career. Easy. All right, let's see here. You know, I make me write dick fucking 200 CC on Mario Kart. Yeah, his mother's fucking computers don't have to fucking turn at the same angle

apparently that people do better players when they're trying to fucking hit these fucking tight turns. And it doesn't fucking work. Like I'm sitting here trying to get these fucking cops man, but it doesn't fucking work. Like I'm sitting here trying to get these fucking cops, man, but it's not fucking working because of shit. It's super, man. Yeah. But 200 ZZs, we played Mario Kart.

I know that's Mario Kart. Yeah, it was a fucking sh- It was an embarrassment. 80s go line got seventh and eighth. I failed out of a race. And she played one last guy. I'm super Nintendo. Yeah, I'm super Nintendo. I said, this is, this is horse shit.

Yeah. I'm done. Dude. Boom. I don't see if we got it. Dude. Oh yeah, here you go. This fucking clown. dude. Um, I don't see if we can do it. Dude, oh yeah, here you go. This fucking clown.

Hey, dick, I was just listening to the last episode and now, you know, I think Sean made a really good point about why you've been so angually. Oh, yeah. No, he's right. It is because this is really the first time you've been told no. That sucks. I mean, no, you can't leave your house. Yeah, pretty fucking angry about that.

No, you can't, you can't have a show. You had a show. I had to go to Florida with a Tampa. Which I never wanted to see again. I know, I find it. I had to sing the praises of Tampa. Would you never want to see, you never want to see Tampa again?

No, really? No, I've been to Tampa. I've been to Tampa praises of Tampa. You never want to see, you never want to see Tampa again. No, really? No, I've been to Tampa. I've been to Tampa a lot before there's a lot of you. You would go for a car. It's right. I forgot about that for a long time. Every summer I forgot about for a while. I want to kill myself because the time change and the drink.

You'd always come out and waking up at six in the morning. Just saturated. Oh, yeah. You would always come back with a, well, now they locked the piano in the hotel lobby. That was New York. That was New York. always come back with a, well, now they locked the piano in the hotel lobby stories. That was new. Yeah, it was new. You come back with some good stories. Yeah, no, you can't, you can't see your family, no, you can't see your family on Christmas. Yeah, that's, I guess you're right. That's good. That's part of me. That's why I'm so upset. Yeah.

You can't go to Peter. you can't go to the Pacific dining car ever again. No. Yeah. Aren't they doing a takeout order? No, they shut down. They sold all their shit. They sold all their shit.

Did you buy anything? No. Damn, that would have been cool. I wanted to, but it was all like, it was like industrial microwaves shit. Oh, it wasn't like anything cool. There were some paintings. Well, it wasn't like anything cool. There was some painings, but it's patterned now.

Or, you know, I don't know, like plates or like fucking, I don't know. Yeah, there were some glasses, but then Randy found where they sold the actual glasses. Oh, they weren't, you had to buy 50 of them. Mm-hmm. What am I gonna buy 50 Tom Collins glasses? I don't know.

I mean, you probably get drunk and break a lot. Yeah, I'm gonna break one every time. They're disposable crystal Tom Collins glasses. I don't know. To mean, you probably get drunk and break a lot. Fuck yeah. I'm going to break one every time. They're disposable crystal Tom Collins glasses. It's like a fucking, you know, fucking news. Mocletov or whatever, right? Can I go there ever again? No, right.

Okay. Can I not pay that tax in the future? No, I'm afraid not. No. Let's afraid not. No. Let's see here. Last minute. Hey, Dick Tom from the gas station. Oh, man. Got a bit of a Christmas rage here for you.

Okay. From the gas station. Just in time. Just in time. Right. Good. And it's been so fucking busy. I've never seen it this busy before. It doesn't even make sense.

So I guess my rage would be the people who procrastinate, people who lag like women. Oh, shit, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I put the dog to the last fucking book. Wait a minute, my camera's frozen. That's odd. It is?

Yeah. When did that happen? Oh, okay. Very last minute. It's like you knew what today and tomorrow we're gonna be, right? Why come to the gas station last minute to put fucking gas, get your kids cards, whatever bullshit you're doing. They are doing and driving the next that white white people do this white you work at a gas station do this shit early it's uncle for

and because when you start acting like a bitch then you treat everyone else like yeah yeah i mean i'm just saying you know anyways but i thought you play this is probably not even gonna be Christmas anymore, but sorry. Close, close, say it. Why did you wait till last minute

to leave a Christmas voicemail? Well, cause he didn't know until Christmas Eve, you know. You gotta have gas. Yeah, I don't know. Let's see here. Suicidal thoughts, the N word. Oh boy. Something about facts.

Okay. Debates, no one cares about. Okay. Hey, Dick, my rage for you this week is people who try to have debates that nobody cares about. What I mean by that is, you know, around the time we start to hear Mariah Carey's all I want for that is you know around the time we start to hear my right carries all I want for Christmas is you but it has a couple years we also hear people go on social media and

day happy holidays very good for the Christmas review oh yeah the real debate there is people who insist die hard at the Christmas movie and people who don't don't care because nobody cares about the new bill arguments they want to have. The same thing with is a hot dog sandwich or if a dog wore hands, what legs would they go on?

Nobody cares about these fucking things. I've noticed that Stephen Colbert will ask his guess is a hot dog sandwich and they all worked on like he's retarded because they have better things to worry about. It's just noisy. These stupid debates. If your knees were on the back of your legs, which bathroom would you use? I want to act like they did some water for some of the things I think you're up with and you're planning about it.

Yeah, that's what those are. Considering things that nobody cares and they're not even original points of thought. Anyway, Merry Christmas, go fuck yourself. Yes, happy holiday, sir. You got to really speaking of debates. You got to really, if you got to hate everybody for every single thing, you can't let even one thing go. It's the only, so you got to use it as fuel.

Yeah, every single thing, everything about them, the money, the pizza's thing, is a hot dog of sand. Shut your fucking mouth. Every single thing you got to find some reason to hate people. Or else you end up in the world we're in today. Where it's a big mess. Not enough hate. Exactly. That's exactly right.

Day one, it should have been, oh, you can't call that. I'm like, I fucking can too. I absolutely will. Or we're going to, or I won't be able to call pregnant women women anymore. I'm going to call you. That's where this goes. Damn it. Just slippery slope right off the cliff.

It is. It is slippery slope. Okay. One more. Debates. No one cares about what's another one? What? Oh, another debate. No one cares about what's another one? What? Oh, another debate no one cares about. Um, it is like manufacturing a personality. It feels it. It is.

It is. To its guy or an ass guy, like, I don't know, man, I'm just like, yeah. It's like I'm trying my text kind of guy. That's all. Yeah. Yeah. That's actually stuff acting like such a horror guy. That's what I'm all about. You just

die hard to Christmas movie. Oh Yeah, oh I think that did you know that Bruce Willis says no? Wait, what did you know that what Bruce Willis' die heart is not a Christmas movie. Oh, good. Mm-hmm. It's not an animal fact, but I didn't know that. Yeah.

Let's see here. The milk, no more, Tampa audio. Oh. Did you have to find that audio? Did you have to shoot a camera audio? Well, you did. I did. I know that long. I got too pumped up because the drink line was on us, buying multiple doubles at a time. Can't remember it. Fucking blacked out. I don't remember anything after I had long. And that's what you did.

How is the beginning of the show? Why? You should find the audience like to try to piece together what it has been as the show. Good. Please's finding out he has the trap. He's together with Has the Show. Good. Please thank you. Go buy yourself. Well, sir, your Christmas is coming a little late, but it's coming. Tetris is a Christmas game. Did you know that?

I actually I did. Blazing Saddles is a Christmas movie. Did you know that? Right, I watched it on Christmas. Is it chair a table? Whoa! Is a hot dog a sandwich? Right. Is a sandwich a sandwich?

Whoa, I'm so kooky and zany. Uh-huh. E-mails are a Christmas movie. Wow! That's a real thinker. That last one. Is a hot dog a sandwich? Is a computer a Christmas sandwich? Jingle all the way is the worst Christmas movie ever made. Okay, goodbye everybody.

So wait, we're supposed to read, wait, I promised Lydia'd read an email from her. Hold on. Oh, oh, yes. She was all upset about it. Right. Right. Because yeah, you fucked it all up. I'm sorry. Hey, Digginshine, I wish to, I'd like to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope you don't spend this time of year.

I hope you get to spend this time of year with your loved ones. Well, I didn't. Hopefully 2021 is a better year where Sean doesn't have to call in from a remote cave and you dick don't have heart attacks from being too muscular. I don't think it's going to be better. I don't know why that we I don't know why they would ever open it up. Do you think you're going to have heart attacks? I will probably have heart attack because the last time I sent you 3d gifts over the Atlantic and fucked myself by not securing the cufflinks correctly. This year I decided to stick to 2D.

I have replacement cufflinks and also a pair of Sean show for you and a pair of Dick show for you Sean. So you can make some match. I'll get them to you in Sweden. All right, please find, attach this email to files. First is titled, the Dick and Sean,

Sean is drawing by Cartoon. I also attach the photo for reference. I guess that makes it three files. Oh, I don't think we would even need a reference for this. look at this. This is a. That's cool. Was that an amp that I am?

Yeah, it could have been. I'm pretty sure that was an amp. Amsterdam or London or it was on that trip. Yeah, that was in London, wasn't it? Oh, hard to say for sure, but yeah. Let me see. me see a couple There's like a big fucking mug right there, right? It's like a big Stylian young you looking this I know you look so much younger. I know well that was look at this guy

I got that was at least 15 years ago That's the okay. That's the drawing Wow, you look like a different person. Thank you the drawing. Wow, you look like a different person. Thank you. Look at his hairdo. I know. Like Eddie Munster kind of.

I know. I'm gonna talk. It was too. Look at that watch. Never see that guy again. No. I gotta go on though. Have you taken that thing in?

No, I gotta get that sized. I can know. There you go. Good Lord. All right, I'll send a drawing to Sean after the livestream because I hope you show it to him on the show. You get to see his reaction. Go to the Lord. All right, P.S., I'll send a drawing to Sean after the live stream because I hope you show it to him on the show and you get to see his reaction. It's really cool. It is cool.

It's cool. She emailed me, so you already saw it. I did. Well, she didn't get what she wanted. I did, but I guess we did. She wanted to see your live reaction, though. I think it's great. I see, but she didn't get what she wanted.

But who did that? And is that like his style or her style? Cartoon. Yeah. Cartoon draws thumbnails for the show. Sean, fuck you for not being at Road Rage Tampa. Sorry. Who would have had the audio if you were there?

I don't know. I've been known to lose things too. There's a super Sean drawing that someone made. Cool. It's a fucking weirdo made this. Yeah. A big penis on it So you know, I'm a sexual Look at that fucking weird. Yeah fucking weirdo

Travis touchdowns did that the dick show is a Christmas movie. There you go. All right. Goodbye. See you. Thank you See ya. Thank you.