The Dick Show - Episode 288 - Dick on the Diarrhea Cake

Episode Date: December 14, 2021

A diarrhea cake for dogs, filing false police reports, sliding into Tessa Fowler's DMs, sleeping in your car, an easy fix for inflation, someone complains about staying poor, a black box for climate change, 1984 told from a woman's perspective, kids eating on the ground, and a very fat woman; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

We got a fat watch. Yeah. It's a fun, pretty funny new segment actually. Yeah, because I enjoy doing it so much. Did you come up with that? Did you come up with fat watch? Yeah, I mean, nobody in the history of the world, I'm the one that named it. Well, I know you're at wide. You're good at that.

I mean, you really do have a knack for names. There's no doubt about it. Devastating. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty good. Maybe I could run for president with my nicknames when I'm a 107 and I don't understand anything about technology anymore. Yeah, yeah. That would be the perfect time. Check, check. Check, check, check. Oh, that sounds great. Good, great, grand. Everybody on the bus.

Feel weird today. Me too. You do? No matter how much I sleep, I've been fucking just tired lately. I don't know, fucking why. But I'm sleeping too much. That was, that was how pandemic started. I sleep got all messed up. Do you remember that? When I just started and everyone was locked in, my sleep was getting all fucking

bonkers. Sure. Because you're not going, you know, you're not doing the things that you normally do. You're not mentally tiring yourself out in the right way. And then it gets worse. That was the closest I ever got to Tessa Fowler coming on the show during that time period to she posted something about not being able to sleep. And you know me. You said get a seat pad. Probably have them.

I'm like Mega Man sliding into those. Remember the Mega Man game where you get to the slide? Psh, me slide, mega man Mega Man game where he gets the slide? Pshh. And he's like, pshh. Mega Man three maybe with the dog and the slide. The only thing I know about like Mega Man is from South Park. What? Yeah.

What is Mega Man in South Park? You don't remember the slide? Pshh. That was the most satisfying slide in the video. Pshh. He would slide in. Wap, wap, wap, wap, pshh. No, that's me.

What system was that? When some bitch, big city bitch posted five in the morning, I can't get any sleep, I go mega-man slide. Psh, like that. I'll just picture it, I guess. Psh, yeah. Is that like the Heisman pose kind of? No, it's mega-man slide.

This is a, some big boob girl. Yeah. I really can't sleep. You're coming with me. Psh, psh. Psh. Psh. Psh. Okay. Right? Yeahshh. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Okay, right? Yeah, sure. From out of town. Pshh. There I go through the internet, through the fucking electricity. Pshh. Yes, slide.

Pshh. Into the DMs. Pshh. And this results in, then she said she was gonna come on the show. Yeah. Ah. Almost and then she just fucking ghosted.

And then the last thing I saw from her was a black square. For black lives, black lives matters. Well, she obviously checked the show out. No, I don't think she did. Really? Got distracted by them big boobies. That's what happened. She got all fucking tangled up.

Mm-hmm. Am I broadcasting? I sure hope so. Everybody needs to do the mega man slide. That's me. Psh, God. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You gotta pull it off, right?

I did. She responded. No, I just wanna see what the mega man slide looks like. Check out, I'll show you at the end of the show. Oh, okay. So you can stick around for that reaction, for Sean's reaction at the end of the show. Oh, can stick around for that reaction, for Sean's reaction at the end of the show. Oh, yeah.

I'm sure it'll be everything you hoped for. I pissed my pants. I don't, I pissed my pants so bad that I had to change pants before going to my dog's birthday party yesterday. Really? Pissed dribblets so bad. Oh, pissed dribblets, okay. I don't even think they were dribblets anymore.

I'm like, what the fuck is this? It was like a couple of squ bad. Oh, piss dribble, it's okay. I don't even think it's dribble. I don't think it's dribble, it's anymore. I'm like, what the fuck is this? It was like a couple of squirts. Oh, even worse. And I could tell there was one lingering. I'm like, well, this is unacceptable. I can't go to a, I can't go to my dog's birthday with piss. This much piss all over my pants. Strike three.

Strike three, you would have just started drinking and stayed home. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I could throw water on it, I guess, but I'm right, and I had just, oh man, this is a whole thing. This is a whole thing. Where did you go yesterday? I just, let me, I'll get to this.

I went right past that, and I think I heard what I think I heard. I make the face too. Yeah. Yeah! How come today I keep on digging in. You got it as a show. It's a contest. Can be like from Mount Bronco.

Deep in the heart of the city of failure. I'm going to host Dick Mash. It's a $20 million man. Joining me is always world touring LAWAs comedian Shawnee audio engineer. Good morning, Jack. Good afternoon. What is it?

I'm in such a good mood. I don't know why. I forgot my line. That was the closest, it's thank you for not killing yourself by the way. Oh yeah. That was the closest I ever got to Tessa Fischer. Could have been singing that seat right here

with the boobs right on the table. Oh my God, but something happened, I don't know. I don't know, I sent it to Patreon link, make sure that big number is right at the top, you know. Patreon, they really should make the amount of money you make more prominent, because I'm sending it to these hoes to try and tie them onto the show. I need that number. It works in real life, right?

Yeah. You're driving around a, you know, Maserati or something, I mean, they're a little interested. I need that number. It works in real life, right? Yeah. You're driving around a, you know, Maserati or something. I mean, they're a little interested. Yeah, I mean, they should send you me a shirt that says like, I make this much money on Patreon and then have some kind of incentive that I have.

So I go like, I have to wear this shirt. I don't wanna wear it, but they're making me do this. Yeah. Like, where the shirt will cancel your account? Like, wow. Yeah, okay. Okay, I guess if you're gonna twist my arm,

I feel like you should sue. It's good for you at the time. It's good for you at the time. Go to patreon.com slash the dick show to get the newest bonus episode. Are you in? I'm in pitch mode now. Now, this Christmas time,

and I must be in a good mood. My finances being destroyed. Yeah. Well, the fucking Christmas gifts that I have to buy everyone every year, every year gets worse. There's more people you have to buy shit for. Do you tip your mailman or your trashman or something?

You're supposed to put money in your garbage can. You're supposed to. I mean, I never fucking way. I never have. The post office stole the election from Donald Trump. I'm not tipping that. It's the post office now. Yeah. Okay. They did it. It's the post office now. Yeah.

Okay. They did it. They did it. So are you in a good mood? Are you in a good mood because you're no longer a Latin ex? Latinks. Did you see that? Is it Latinks?

Latin ex. It is. It's a good Latin ex. Now it's Latinks. I thought it should be Latin equis. Yeah. They, uh, they realized the Democrats realized that Mexicans fucking hate that term. So they're like stupid.

It's in a front to the language. Yeah, it's really insulting. Yeah, it's, that was, it's like the old, it's like men. Mexicans like men. I don't know if, they enjoy men. The women, the Mexican women like men. Yeah. They really don't like he's saying like, well, let's take the men right out of your life. No, no the women, the Mexican women like men. Yeah.

They really don't like he's saying like, well, let's take the men right out of your life. No, no, no, no, no, we like men in Mexico and Mexicans. It was something like men like you guys do. What does it the Latin American civil rights league or something? It's like the oldest, the oldest like Latin civil rights league. Yeah, it's not that.

Yeah, in America. It's funny that like I came across that where it's like they think that like less than 3% of Hispanic people actually use it. Yeah, yeah, you know where it's like, no, like it. Oh, like 60% fucking hate it. Oh, yeah, yeah. And only, but something like only of the people who hate like only 30% of the population has even heard of it.

I read their press release on it too. And it's like, it's stupid. It's fucking dumb. It, white women came up with this. Like, you know, the, the Mexican language does not confuse Mexican people. I don't know who needs to hear that, but they're, they get it. It's just like, they don't have, you know, they know that the words aren't men who are raping them.

Like, they know, it's just like the way the language is. You fucking idiots. Well, it's the way the language is, you fucking idiots. Well, it's like, yeah. No, exactly. It's like, it's efficient too. If you're talking about a certain group over there, there's a way it is. You can say that you can, with one word,

you can say it's a female group or a male group. Bones of personas. Yeah. And the words have their own, their gendered, like they're not all men, some are girl words. Yeah. Yeah. It's just the way the whole language isn't broken for you.

It's, I read their press release. They saw not knowing anything about the language, first of all. I read the press release and they said, they all have masculine and feminine words. Oh. That's, they don't mean men. No, that's like a, so the press release said like,

Latanks has been a new word picked up by younger Mexicans. Like, I don't know. I don't think it was, I don't think, don't blame it on, very few I think. I don't think so. Okay, anyway, did you know that they make diarrhea cake for dogs? I don't think it was. I don't think so. Don't blame it on your own people, I think. I don't think so. Okay.

Anyway, did you know that they make diarrhea cake for dogs? Oh, you're aware of that? Oh, really? There's amazing new invention they have called dogs love to eat fucking other dogs shit or something. Oh, it's just, it's a cake. You go to a special dog bakery. Yeah.

And you buy this cake. You don't worry about specifying diarrhea cake because they're all diarrhea cakes. And then it's, it's called a safe for dog cake. Oh, so that's it. The end result is diarrhea. No matter what. Yeah. Right. Fucking, but what's like you shot you can, you know, you can shock a dog's system. Yeah. New dog owners are not aware of this. But the diarrhea cake girlfriend girlfriend's first dog is this one, a dog next to the kitty worker, right? The cat shit rolled in cat litter

that they love to eat so much. So she guys, oh, we're having the dogs birthday party at the dog park, right? A bunch of people are bringing their dogs. Yeah, she said it up. I'm like, all right. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not helping. I mean, just so you know, I don't know if I need to say this,

but I'm not helping at all. You deserve to be made for fun of so much for this. So she goes, oh, I'm gonna go pick up the cake. I said the cake. Yeah. I don't know about, I don't have dogs really like need a cake. Okay, whatever. It's for the people.

Whatever, it's for the people, right? So I see the dogs. First of all, I'm getting, I'm getting chewed out on the way to the dog park. This was beautiful, I'm getting, I'm getting shoot out on the way to the dog park. Oh, this was beautiful. I'm getting shoot out for not helping get anything together for the dog party. I'm hearing like, well, I go, if you're, if you're out of paper for your show, I go to CVS and get paper while you're hung over in bed. Like, okay, yeah, yeah. I'm throwing my failures in my face. Okay.

Well, you know, there's kind of, you kind of prepared so much for the dog party. I don't know if you know this, because I loaded the car, you didn't load the car. Yeah. There's about three trips. Like, you know, women don't understand, when they're packing the shit,

they don't realize that someone has to transport all of that shit wherever you go. Like if you're going to the beach, I go, I'm gonna get the stuff ready. No, don't just don't get anything ready We're just gonna grab a towel on the way out the door. You don't need to prepare a fucking entourage No, she carries the towel and you carry everything fucking else So I'm like, okay hearing this. Oh, I didn't oh, I know I mean, I have a big surprise, I didn't help plan the fucking dog birthday party. I'm sure no one could have seen that coming. It's like we're living the same life.

So he gets at the dog park. What do you know? The closest parking is about a half mile away, right, uphill, suddenly, who's doing, suddenly, who's helping more than anyone's ever helped in their fucking life carrying a, carrying a goddamn road trips worth of luggage and crap including a dog cake on their back. Yeah up a half mile of stairs So then on all the dogs they break out dog, the diarrhea cake. Mm-hmm. And all the dogs start showing down, like, this is a hell of a thing to do.

To the people. To the big cat. Yeah. For a dog, yeah. I mean, but enough for like a bunch of dogs. And over a bunch of dogs to get diarrhea. Everybody, anybody want their dog to have diarrhea tonight? Tonight?

Come on over. Come on over. Enjoy this fucking cake that I know it has frosting on it. I don't know. There's no dog safe frosting. I got to make it out of it. Yeah, does it look like dog food to you? That it's not dog safe.

It's diarrhea. It's diarrhea. Is that a cake? Was it at a dog bakery? This exists too. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. So, it comes in all kinds of different flavors,

the diarrhea cake that you can buy for your dogs. Yeah. But shit out diarrhea all night. Same end result. Does she go in the house? No. Oh, that's good. Just farting all, all good.

Oh, God. F***ing night. F***ing out cake. Yeah. Dog cake for us. What What the fuck is this? It's nothing worse than a dog. Why was this? Why was any of this done?

Jesus. People of crypto. That's what I am now. People of crypto. People of crypto. Okay. What do you think about that one? It's not the hate crimes on my people.

Yeah. People of crypto. That's good. POC. That's good. People of crypto. That's me. Okay, what was I talking?

It's so distracted complaining about my girlfriend sometimes, like, forget I'm doing a show. Isn't that what the show's about? Yeah. Here I got one for you, Sean. Look at these, look at these fellas. Look at this drug. You know, this is my favorite thing on earth. I'm showing you right now. Yes, yes. Policemen posing with their drug bus. Yeah, we've done this before. Yeah. I feel like I feel like it is never not funny. It's just a couple bags of weed. Well, sir, I'll tell you this is one bag of weed at least.

I don't know what it looks like. It looks like a bunch of stems. Yeah. I don't know, or bark perhaps. I don't know what the police think they're bringing in here. This is four men who are all worse than Hitler and deserve to burn in hell have confiscated what appears to be about a one pound of weed

or a half a pound of weed in a Ziploc bag Yeah, I mean a half a pound of stems who have an empty an empty pill container here two two Ziploc boxes of, two boxes of ziplock bags. This was fucking confiscated and put on the table for their little photo op. This is a drug kingpin they've taken down clearly. Let's go bar, it's quaking and it's fucking tunnels in Mexico. They've got some kind of prostitutes gun here.

Look at all the singles. A little tiny. They spread out the fucking singles. I don't know who's buying their weed with single dollar bills. The guy's got like, unmatched. He's got like 75 bucks there. They put, they put the, they put the 20s on the top,

like my cousin Vinny, right? They could have easily made it look like a lot of money, but instead they chose to fan out the ones because they're fucking retarded. God. Because the people in the bottom of the house fucking retarded. And they all deserve to go to fucking prison. I fucking hate this so much, Sean.

Where is this? Look, with any four guys to take that down. They're all ashamed of their penises. Look, they're all ashamed of their penises. See that? They all have their hands clasped in front of their penises because they have penis shame and they should. Yeah.

They just share a box. Look at this. Look at this. Look at this, a box of steel cancelling. What's that on the scale? What's that on the scale? I can't see. Huh, crime.

That's what's on the scale, Sean. Fucking crime. That is fucking lame. Three. Oh, do they get a lighter in there? Oh my God. Somebody could have burnt down a, uh, uh, burnt their future. Who thought that was? Did they confiscate this bottle of water or did they bring it from home? Did they just were they drinking a bottle of water and then they didn't, they forgot to open it and

just set it down and pose for the fucking picture or confiscate that confiscate that from the fucking drug dealer? God, damn it. What's in the red cup? What? This red folder is coffee? Oh, that's what it could be infused with. Weed shot. Oh my god, it's, I guess it's so weak again. Look at the fun.

I'm so annoyed by this shit. That's a total fucking time. That's a total fucking time. One of them has already confiscated the pills and sold them. Ha. That is, you see, Juicy Smollett was guilty. That is a pathetic drug bust right there. Absolutely pathetic.

I got it. I think I've had more drugs than that, like in my house. And my per-in-me. I have definitely had more weed than that in my house. I mean, I've had more weed than that in my house. I'm a picture by a lot. Dude, this is like Abu Ghraib level, like that dumb bitch who was like, oh, like smiling, like I was getting tortured.

Like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you posing for that? I don't know. Good God. Okay, so juicy Smolette is guilty of lying. Juicy Smolette, just for juicy. Smolette, just for juicy. That is one of my favorite little bits that he's ever done.

The French actor, juicy Smolay. Yeah. If you see that he told the lawyer to stop saying the N word and he was the lawyer was reading his texts, then he said, Oh, yeah, can you stop saying the word? Yeah. Why didn't he get what in the judge to say, all right, you're going execute him. That's it. Get him out of here. So he out of earth for that. What did he get, what in the judge who say, all right, you're going execute him. Let's say get him out of here.

So he out of earth for that. What did he get found guilty of for filing a filing of false police report? Which I don't understand. And no one can explain it to me. What's that? Why is that illegal to file a false police report? Well, because you're taking away resources from this.

Oh, from that. Yeah, from making, from making the neighborhood safe. Oh yeah. By b, half a pound of weed and a quarter pound of stem and 78 bucks made with that's blocking the resources. You mean they can't tell the difference between a fake crime and a real crime? Why are they police then? Well, you know, they got to, they got to investigate it. So you're saying that there's a resource shortage, right?

So how many of these false police things are you pursuing? Well, none. We never go, we never pursue them. So then why isn't a fucking crime then? Walk somebody, some person, walk me through one way in which it makes sense. It's an always me because it's exactly the same as hate crime shit, but people

on the right don't see it because they have some kind of weird sick obsession with making rules and then pretending that like the rules are going to magically enforce themselves. Is that somebody, somebody kicks your ass and steals your, steals your money, right? Yeah. Wow, that sucks. Oh, they also think that they also called you the inward. Like, oh, wow. It's so much worse now that I got my ass kicked. Everyone understands that everyone thinks that the hate crime shit is retarded, right?

Because it doesn't matter. If you got your ass kicked, you got your ass kicked. Who cares why you got your ass kicked? If you got, you know what I'm saying? You know what you mean? You're not going to be a plastic drawn on whatever you have. It's still a swastika. It doesn't matter why they put it there. I still had things that are very illegal committed against you. If your wife cheats on you, it doesn't matter the race of the guy, the guy, I'm like, well, I mean, yeah, I know what you mean. She, oh, she cheated on me, why? Cause she hates Jews.

Like, what he, yeah. This doesn't, it doesn't matter. So why are you, why is what's in someone's mind matter? Okay, so finally false police report, well, they're lying. What if they're just crazy? What is the difference? What's in their fucking mind? Why, why is this a law?

Yeah. I was funny that he went to jail. I mean, or it's funny that he's guilty. Yeah. Right, it's funny. I mean, I mean, or it's funny that he's guilty, right? It's funny. I mean, I like, I like when bad things happen to people I don't like. I know. So that's what it's funny.

It's funny to have in life, yeah. It's not like, well, it's because it's fucking resources, you know, it's really, we got to conserve our resources. Are you fucking kidding me? What resources? Why don't you, you want them beefed up then? You want everybody who, you want everybody who lies to what? Go to prison?

What is your fucking solution here? Think it through. One step, two steps. And you're in such a good mood. I was in such a good mood. The diarrhea cake really tainted the whole. Chiff the letter out all night. Oh, yeah.

It's just the farting is really what is the worst part. Cause then you're like, well, it never goes away. No, no, it hangs in the air like a pole. And then you realize everybody else who brought their dogs to party is also having a diarrhea night, which perks you up a little bit, doesn't it? Yeah, me. Yeah. Exactly. It's like, ah, they're suffering too. Julian was saying his beard is horrible. Have you seen his beard? I have. Yeah.

Oh, he's got a shave. But he's like, like, he's a guy who looked Looks a lot older than his age anyway. Yeah, and then he's got that fucking thing. Yeah, yeah, actually, that's a recent picture of him. He's getting extra-dited to the US. Yeah, yeah, yeah, actually, that's a recent picture of it. So he's getting extra-dited to the US, right? Is there a chance we can get Al Qaeda on that plane so they can hijack it and fly him somewhere safe like Afghanistan? Where is he now? Where is he right now? I think he's in the UK.

Okay, got taken in by the IMF finally convinced Ecuador to let him out of his apartment. Yeah, he was an Ecuador for a while. They're just sending him to a different prison. We got a humiliate him, bring him over here. What are the odds that we can get a crack team together? Ryan Reynolds, the rock, Al Qaeda, team up, where, you know, flight, flying clothes, sneak on the plane and fly him to safety.

Because there's no way he's gonna rot in jail for doing basic journalism, right? For exposing how corrupt and criminal the government is and everybody who works. And that's why he's going to jail. Yeah. For embarrassing women, he embarrassed Hillary Clinton and by extension, every woman in the US. So that's why he's going to jail. Yeah. That's the only reason if he had done it to a guy. They put fucking Snowden in jail. Fucking straight away too. If he had done that to a guy, he'd be like, ah, whatever.

I shouldn't have been doing my emails like that. You're right, but Hillary Clinton, uh-oh. You fucked with a woman. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. You embarrassed a woman. Uh-oh. You're going to jail, dude. Yeah. You're going to jail, dude. Yeah. You're going to fucking jail for that. You can't embarrass all women in America.

You'll go to fucking jail for that, dude. Hashtag all women. Oh my God, as soon as it was, any other may, ah, Trump, we got you fucking around with your emails. Here's, you, turns out you did piss on all those horrors. You'd be like, ah, whatever. Yeah, I did it. Yeah, I shouldn't have been doing my emails like that,

whatever, but a woman, hey, honey, you messed up your emails, you put them on this server. You can see the woman's reaction, where they know they fucked up, and they don't want to. Yeah. You know, and then you're like, ah, fuck, how do I get out of this? If I have something like, don, uh, you know, and then you're like, uh, fuck, how do I get out of this? If I, if I have something like, don't worry, Julian's saying, he's like, don't worry, it's okay.

It's okay. You're not going to be punished for it because you're an elite, you know, we don't worry. Yeah. That's going to happen. You just letting you know, you kind of did a fuck up with your, uh, uh, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, No way to get him out. What is, what can we do? I don't know. Can't give people homes, giving our dogs diarrhea medicine to make them have diarrhea.

Julien Assange, the greatest reporter in the world is gonna be in prison for the rest of his life. And there's guys just guys that are gonna sit there with their guns. Well, they said he's gotta be in prison, so I guess that's what he's doing. I need my money. their guns. Well, they said he's got to be in prison, so I guess that's what he's doing. I need my money. Oh, yeah, God. Fuck you.

A sage in his ilk, Pompeo said, seek personal self-aggrandizement through the destruction of western values. Motherfucker, what are you talking about? The government is evil. Yeah, like you guys just kill kids and wage war to make money. Like you're the most evil people. Yeah, you're straight up evil. It's a fucking political class and the... Sleeping in your car is gonna to be illegal in LA soon.

The car dwelling ban is coming back. Thanks to, oh, that's pretty good. Gotta get you out of it. Gotta get you out of your car. Get on. Right. You're already back on the street out of your home. Your cars all you have left.

Yeah. Got the repo man chasing you around for that. You got nowhere to sleep. What is what is the thinking there? Uh, well, I don't want people sleeping in their cars. You're right. Let's find them. You think they're like having fun?

You think they had $100 of you sleeping in their fucking car? What are you talking about? And they're definitely going to pay that fine. Cause they have so much to them. So much. You know, the bill in the mail, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the mail. Yeah. The the Tersel that's parked on spring streets in front of the Popeyes, in front of the check cashing place. Yeah. God damn. Do you know what I mean? So much disposable income. I'm in commas. Here's the leave.

It's like what again, yeah, try to try to see that to the end. So now you're going to are you really are now you're going to commit resources to trying to get back's a hundred bucks? You're gonna go knock on his car window and say, give me a hundred dollars. That's how that's gonna go for you, you fucking idiot. I wasn't a good man. They take it, man, they try to take it from anybody,

they think they can. That's what we to have these resources. We can't be wasting resources on funny hate crimes. It was juicy, small ass hate crime was honestly, it was pretty funny. I don't want to, I don't want less of that. Well, the story was hysterical. Didn't he run into somewhere with a new still around his neck?

And then he tightened it. And the cops showed up. Here's what really annoys me about the fake crime thing. She fell thing that said subway sandwiches. So 230 in the morning in Chicago. Maybe he's getting some chips. Sandwiches. So to find a work on you, West was last night.

Here's what annoys me. So you file whatever you can lie to the police. You just can't file one of their fucking precious forms. That's illegal., that's illegal. So that's illegal, right? You're punished for filing a fake one. Yeah, they're not punished for not following up in your report.

So how is that fucking fair? Yeah. Okay, so you guys are fucked. You're doing something illegal if you don't take this seriously, right? Yeah. Cause I have to. So you have to take this seriously, right?

No. Well, then why is, why is my side punished? Fuck you. If you read about murders and stuff like that, murder. You will find, you'll find so many stories where the cops just like straight fucked up or were just straight lazy.

Like somebody was like, hey, this guy, I said, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, this guy comes to the cops with all kinds of, I did it. Kind of tantalizing evidence. I mean, or, you know, it's like, look, the lead was never followed up on for reasons unknown. And the guy goes and kills again and kills again. And then, you know, there's like 300,000 rape kids that just never get processed every year. I'm his like, wow. But it's like, they haven't been,000 rape kids that just never get processed every year. I'm just like, what? Wow. Wow.

It's like, oh, they haven't been calling me every day. Again, it's like, they make you do, everybody makes you do their job. It's never posing with pictures of weed. Yeah. God, that's such a fucking pathetic. What? Was anything being crime?

Well, this picture was taken, officers? I hate it so much, so much. Here's something else. I mean, you know, my friend, I, like I've said this before, like, I used to trim for under the table money when things were slow for people who, you know, around here who grew weed when it was illegal. And I mean, we still illegal unless you're partnered with someone who's been in prison for 10 years on weed-related crimes. So have I talked about this?

There'd be, we would have 50 or 60 pounds. I mean, pounds. So it's like, you know, and look at all this, somebody could smoke. That'd be a bust. I mean, somebody could have smoked. That'd be a bust, I mean. Somebody could have smoked all this weed and passed out. Thank God that they were stopped from doing that.

I hope that we, I hope that they could have exceeded their caloric intake for the day. Oh my God, he ate 4,500 calories. It'll all be, we gotta fight, get the source of this and stop this shit from happening. I hope that the next generation, our generation's kids, Gen Z, is that what they are? The kids that are like, in teenage years now. I hope that the thing, the one thing that they get from us is how much we absolutely

despise our parents for the world that they created and how much contempt we have for their plans and their rules, and that they take that to heart and apply it to us. Thinking, well, you guys will definitely also do this. So we hate you and despise you in the deepest parts of our souls. Here's one for you. Climate scientists. Oh, I got a doozy of a fat watch for you, too. Oh, yeah. Scientists are creating a black box to hold the world accountable for the climate crisis.

So in the earth is destroyed from climate change. Black box like an airplane black box. Yeah. For when the earth is climate global warming. What's that going to? I don't understand. They're making it so, so whatever future societies don't forget all the angles that we did, that China did to the planet. They're just going to log it basically. Yeah, I guess.

Where it's like, oh, look, you know, we did this, but it'll be Captain Hindsight. Yeah. If the worst is to happen is civilization crashes, a result of climate change. This indestructible box will be there and will record every detail of that. What do you mean who's going to put it out your ass? Fuck off. Who's going to put it out there? I'm not sure.

I probably just printing out websites all day. Just printing out CNN all day, recording it on fucking VHS tapes. Thanks guys. Thanks for making it. Thanks for doing this cute project that you have a black box for it. If the earth is destroyed by climate change, what a weird thing.

Oh, all right. Oh, I got more police stuff. I don't know about that. What a weird thing. Ah, bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo He listed him. Right. He listed another guy's NFTs, this guy Lush Sucks, cause it was making fun of Disney, I think. Oh my God. Well Disney is one of the few companies that owning the world. Yeah. Oh, here's one. Kids eating lunch outside in 40 degrees weather.

Oh great. Social distancing. Did I say just let kids go? Let's them run wild. It will be better than the system going to school. Oh, honey, thank you. God. Yeah, here we go.

40 degrees weather. Kindergarten, it nurse in Portland are forced to eat lunch outdoors in 40 degree weather to properly social properly socially distance. They're fucking snow and slush and ice and shit on the ground. Yeah, here they are. 40 degrees. People just aren't thinking anymore. Oh, you don't think?

But they got to keep them safe, right? You can't have kids eating inside where the COVID is at. Look at there, eating on the fucking ground. You've got kids sitting on the ground at 40 degrees, eating their lunch with their fingers all fucking cold. Yeah, cold, yeah. About the fuck. They can't grab their pencil when they get back in the classroom.

Press them, take all the scientists, put the scientists in that black box, put these teachers in the black box, put all the cops that pose with their Marijuana busts That has to be the most pathetic bust I've ever seen no you should see the Police in London They confiscate knives. Oh, they do and they they'll have like every once in a while they'll have like a butter knife Oh in the picture.

Like, look at all these knives we got. But for some reason, they don't have somebody saying, oh, maybe we should toss the butter knife out of there. Yeah, it looks pretty fucking pussy. Cause they just, yeah, they just like, well, we did it. So it's good. So after he murders the family with the real knives, he whips that out and he makes himself a fucking English muffin in the, yeah, in the kitchen.

Okay. Hackers have taken down the Brazilian Ministry of Health, deleting all. What's that? Oh, it is. Your camera's frozen. What the fuck? Thank you. Thank you.

All right. I can't believe somebody interrupted the show to tell me to fix something. Thank you. All right. I can't believe somebody interrupted the show to tell me to fix something. What a banner day. Yeah, really. It's his. That would never happen. How many times we go off air like, oh, I wanted to tell you that. Yeah, but yeah, this was an hour.

I wasn't fucked up. Yeah. Yeah. How should you text me too? it wasn't. I was fucked up. Yeah, yeah. How's she texted me too? Wonderful. Damn. I know. We gotta.

That makes up for the knock on the door. Not carrying the three trips from the car. I mean, you see them building up their cash. What a shame. There's no activity related. Well, let's take this football. Well, let's take this soccer ball. So you're like,

I mean, the morning of a trip, I, I start getting irritated from the moment I wake up. That's why I don't help because I want my mood to be, I know it's like untouched. You need that. That's, we should bring this bike pump in case, one of the, in case the football goes flat. We don't want to talk. I don't think we need we need six blankets. Is that because they're kind of awkward. Yeah. Spilling all over the place. And then we get home.

Here's my favorite part of doing any activities, right? See if you're with me on this one. It's getting home and then going through everything and pointing out what you didn't use. This is, if you don't do this, I highly recommend, it's worth the initial having to transport it like a pack mule, just the, I told you so. Going through, like, well, I see that we only used one of these six blankets.

Glad we had back up. The cooler is untouched, except for the beer, which I don't think is always going to be touched. Yeah. Okay. That's funny. There's nothing more frightening in America today than an angry white man. This article says.

I think it might be an angry white woman might be the most, what did you see there? They're rewriting, they're redoing 1984 from the woman's perspective. Did you see that? I like seeing that he meets that. They didn't give any specifics.

1984 woman's perspective. Isn't 1984, isn't it like that? Because I always thought that women did that. Like they're the one, they're the reason that society's like that. They're the one, they're the one, it follows the tattling. Like who else is doing all the fucking tattling?

Then in 1984, tattling on their husbands? Yeah, I mean, is that what the book's gonna focus on? Just a bunch of taddling going around, Karen woke up that day and fucking taddled. You got under taddling device and started taddling up a storm. A feminist retelling of Orwell's 1984. Yeah, it's already told from a feminist point of view. That's the society that they live in is like that because of feminism. That's what everyone controls everything.

You have no freedom to do anything. Everyone is fat and dumpy. Remember how the book ends? The woman gained weight. That's how the book ends. Satistending of any book ever written. Right. Not fat, but she's thick.

Who's the main character? I don't know if I forget it. Winston. Winston. The girl that he's banging. Right. Where fat, but she's big. Who's the main character? I don't know if I forget it. Winston. Winston. The girl that he's banging. Right. Or Winston. Yeah. They reunite and Winston gained weight. Right. That's what I got from that book. He loves the poster of Big Sister. Right?

That's the Big Brothers. Yeah. Big Sister. Um, great. Can't wait for that one. Why did I start talking about that? Something with, oh yeah, white. Nothing more stupid, nothing more frightening in America than a white, white man. Let me, let me see this one. See if I can find this. Yeah, nothing more frightening in America. I don't know.

Can you think of some things that are more frightening and today than a angry white man? I'm not angry, white man. Is this the brute, the buck, and of course the thug. Those are some of the names for a racial stereotype that has haunted the collective imagination of white America since the nations. I think there's more popular slurs probably that the brute, I don't know if I've ever heard that.

That's brute and the buck. The broot. Are they saying, uh, yeah, they're slurs against black guys, I think. No, the brute. No, like the champagne. No, I've never heard that. The buck. The first time I heard somebody referred to as that was like that concept of a buck breaking, which that gay fan thick that Tariqa Sheade wrote, making up all kinds of homoerotic fantasies about homosexual fantasies about slavery that didn't happen. That if it would be weird, if it ever happened was a completely like isolated one or two off

it was certainly the most repressed, the most repressed society ever, the Confederate South is not having a bunch of gay, BDSM orgies that there were one percent of the South that don't play practice. There was certainly no practice of that. What an idiotic thing. Just like a fucking fanfic. All of this shit is. It's like with juicy, right? Yeah.

I want that to be illegal. I want there to be more juicy every week. Yeah. Is that even you could top them? Does that sound something like something white people would say? It sounds like something I would say. Uh, do you think he googled how to tie a news i have no idea mean who knows if it was even

like properly tied yeah i mean yeah i don't know uh... well because people are going to believe it that he's that it happened no matter what even though he's found guilty yeah i mean uh... uh... just the circles that i'm in

as soon as that soon as that came out, everybody was like, yeah, he's, he sounds like a lie. I didn't hear anybody, I didn't hear anybody hang on to it. Yeah, yeah. I'm about that one, but you overdid it. You overdid it a little bit. It was insane. And why did he need those guys to kick his ass?

Why didn't he just like beat himself up? Or do you make go no? Something. I don't think he's, I mean, he's just a cat. Somewhere, I mean, Oh yeah. Why didn't he even go?

Why didn't he just make the whole thing up? I don't know. How long? I mean, so he comes into the cop station or where with the new still around his neck, like how long is the rest of the rope? Like, yeah, is he dragging it like, just curious. I just want to see.

Hmm. The little yeah, I'm surprised he didn't get actual white supremacists to help him out, but I guess they would have had him out. Didn't he get like two African guys? Yeah. Like he tried his defense was their gay and he was did guy stuff with them. He was in a bathhouse beating off with them or something. What?

Yeah, it was shitty. I didn't hear anything like that. That was this lawyer's defense, which seemed like they just wanted to call the guy gay. It seemed like his whole defense was just an excuse to call that guy gay in front of everybody. Like, it had nothing to do with anything. He was like, well, juicy's actually done masturbating stuff with this guy in the gym. So what do you think about that?

Once I got like just the bait, once the basic facts were established and like didn't change on a daily basis, I went, okay, he's lying. It's all made up and I just lost interest after that. Obviously lying. Yeah. He's clearly lying.

Good. Good. The cops not figure that out. Yeah. That's what bothers me the most. You telling me they can't figure out which ones are being made up. Yeah. Then why are they doing it?

And why are they in charge of any of that? Well, but it did. That came out really quick though, where they were like, I mean, they, they did unravel that story like right now. It was, It was quick. The specter of the angry black man has been evoked in politics and popular culture to convince white folks that a big bad black man

is coming to get them and their daughters. What the, their daughters too? Well, I mean, who's the one back in the day? Like music, singing about how tough they are and how they're gonna murder people. Is that, I think, is that the one back in the day like TV and music singing about how tough they are and how they're going to murder people? Is that, I think, is that Garth Brooks's big head? Is he sing about, is that what's going on? You fucking idiot.

Right. Right. Who's the one promoting that fucking stereotype? I don't know if he means historically. You know what I mean? Because that was a reason. It was like, he whistled out a group of white women and then they lynched him back in the 20s and shit like the, I mean, I don't know that that exists

today. I don't think a lot of people that existed then probably did. Yeah, I mean, I think it did. I think it did, but yeah, it's different today. And he explained that to his posse. Okay, that black guy whistled at a woman. Let's get, let's go get, you know, wise, because there was so much drinking going on back there.

There was a lot of drinking. I've always got a factor in the liquor plays into it. Oh yeah. Cause you could, I sober, I couldn't imagine that conversation, but drunk, I could imagine that conversation. And also, it's off. And sometimes it's happened where the women were having an affair with somebody, could be a black guy, could be a white guy, and then they'll just pen it, you know, she would

make up the story about. Oh, yep. The black guy raped me. Absolutely. Turns out he was nowhere close, but they didn't know as much as we know today about women back in the 1800s and stuff. Our knowledge about women and their treacheries come a long way in that time. We documented it.

We've researched it. We're able to pass it down from generation to generation. Like look, this is what you got to watch out for with these hoses. Well, let a knowledge is built on generations, right? Yeah. I mean, that's, but before they were concentrating on things like science and ships and these sorts of things.

Science and ships. Yeah. Important things, right? They didn't bother to keep track of women in their bullshit. They didn't have the ability to communicate across the globe and realize globally that the woman is so wicked in all their ways. Back in the day, when the day you're talking about,

you're like, well, I know my mom, she was all right, whatever. Dad put up with her. And I know this woman had a lot of extra blankets to, Sean, my childhood was spent carrying blankets. You're, I'm watching her build like a tomb. What should go in an Egyptian Pharaoh's tomb of blankets and fucking activities, board games are stacking up.

Like, who is this for? Right. Dogs are just gonna eat the pieces. Everybody's getting a $6,000 vet bill while it shoots Diarrhea all over the court. It's for the reocca, on the way to the vet. I'm gonna go leave a Yelp review, five stars. The Diarrhea cake was amazing.

The dog's Diarrhea was complete. Right. She's shit her entire body mass out in poop and and it rained. So it's flat and now it's hard and I have to come scrape it off the yard like I'm repaving asphalt. Just a fired out the boot from the monopoly game like a fucking projectile. Thanks so much for your diarrhea cake. It really should fucking post that.

What is, what could it possibly be? And they have the meme, like, well, it's safe, it's safe for dogs. Well, food is, quote, safe for dogs. I mean, not just, it all gives them diarrhea, chocolate, whatever. Garlic and onion and grapes, not all food, but I mean, most food, a regular cake is safe for them too. Yeah, I mean, it'll give them the shit's, usually what happens when, why is there frosting on it? This is making me uncomfortable.

Okay, what was this guy saying about white people? I've seen viral videos of innocent black men losing their lives because of this stereotype. Viral, viral videos of black guys getting killed, wow. Viral videos of black people. Like what's going to kill, the wow. There was a couple. Yeah. Cops though.

It's a little different. I've watched white people lock their car doors or clutch their purses when men who look like me approach. Traditionally, that's been the other way I think. What? Wait, oh, I watched white people, a lot of car doors. I watch black people.

I've watched black people lock their doors. No, they had, oh yeah. I missed it. Yeah. Oh, so what people should feel bad about locking their fucking door? What is it? What is your, what is your entitlement? I don't give a fuck why people are locking their door and keeping their purse next to them.

You're offended by that? That they want to keep their shit safe for whatever reason. Fuck you. That is, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely, fuck you at all for making people feel guilty about wanting to keep their shit safe

for whatever reason. But I've watched three separate trials about white male violence unfold. The Kyle Rittenhouse. Oh, God. Okay. I'm done with. Yeah. I'm so Kyle Rittenhouse done. Done. Brute. I haven't heard of I've never heard Brute. And what was the other one? I don't remember. Thug. Well, that's Indian. Well, but thug, I mean, thug I've heard referred to. But I've also, you like, you know, the mob Indian, a thugs like Indian origin.

Is it? Yes. I don't know where I came from. Indian Jones too. No. Number one, he says the thuggy cult is joining and that kid goes, they'll never happen to get in my kingdom. The thuggy is where that word comes from.

I didn't know that. Indian. Hmm. You should watch Indian Jones too again. Yeah, yeah. Maybe you learn something. Nobody likes. Yeah, that, Indian. You should watch Indian Jones too again. Yeah, yeah, maybe learn something. That's the one that nobody likes. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

You know why? You know why they had to do that? What? Make it prequel because modern women audiences wouldn't tolerate him banging another girl. That's why. Cause he ends the first movie with going off with Marion and they're like, let's make another movie. Obviously he's gonna fuck another girl. That's why because he ends the first movie with going off with Marion and they're like, let's make another movie. Obviously, he's going to fuck another chick because this

is a man we're talking about. He's going to bet. Why would you go see a movie where he has sex with the same woman that he had in the first movie? It's kind of part James Bond. Yeah, there's like, you know, that's the, that's why you're going to the movie to experience something you can't have at home. Like oh, let's see this guy romance and this broad. I want to see him romancing the same broad that he already that's not exciting. Right. The romance is over. The romance is over. Now it's just dead stacks of towels everywhere for him to have Jones in the hook to and from the towels that he had to bring to the dog birthday party.

You imagine just for him to bring the dog birthday party. Imagine you're just, ugh. I just want them to admit that they bring too much stuff because they know they don't have to carry it. Oh my God. And you know what the worst thing was, she had a like a platter for the dog birthday cake. Yeah, like a stand.

You know what I'm talking about? Like at a cake, like at a great British bake off, a stand with a plate for the cakes to go on. And I got all of that shit all the way to the party spot in the dog park. And I fucking dropped the cake stand and it shattered into a, I don't know, plastic, it was plastic, it was still shattered.

Like it was made out of porcelain. Yeah, it was piece of shit like everything that's made nowadays. Oh my gosh. Oh, that's okay. Oh my god, it's not okay because I realize that I could have done it in two trips and not, like, that was the worst part.

It was me disappointing myself. CNN, oh, CNN had a pedophile working for them. See that, Sean? Pedophile. Chris Cuomo's CNN producer is accused of luring a mom and a nine year old daughter to his vermont ski home to quote train the minor uh... for those quomo's there's real pieces of shit aren't they

oh man right yeah uh... yeah and from what i've heard i mean the Oh man, right? Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. That's a bad. Well, from what I heard, I mean, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Hard men create soft men, right? Some sort of an easily predictable cycle. Sure. Train the minor. And for what? Wow.

To do what? To not pack so much stuff for the, that's what I'm gonna be grooming. Then I support this. Or online. Hey, hey, get your mom to come over and I'm gonna show you how first put together an appropriate amount of stuff you think we should bring to the beach.

I'm going to tell you that you overdid it by about the factor of three. Yeah. Do it again. Uh, when you're dealing with stuff and loading the car and everything, and you're going, you know, going on a trip, I haven't even picked up ice yet. You, the best you can hope for is that they're not a hindrance. Whoa, you're talking about women? Yeah, like don't, don't help. Don't help with this stuff.

Don't put the, if we have to take all this stuff, that's the relationship. I don't help setting it up and you don't help with loading or unloading. It's fucking perfect. Yeah, because it's otherwise, yeah, it's gonna be an impediment. You cannot expect any help with that whatsoever. Yeah

Okay, what was I saying about the photo the pedophile? A woman he said telling them a woman is a woman regardless of her age. Oh Spicy And what was he what was he training a little girl? Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo- Jesus arrested. He was doing all this shit while these cops were taking pictures, but they're weed. Yeah, we're real on that one dickhead New Zealand's banning smoking for kids They're banning it for if you're 14 like kicks in it's like a time delay Yeah, so they can only just look at the older people smoking in which they were smoking I guess So they can only just look at the older people smoking in which they were smoking, I guess.

Bannings? Yeah, and no more, if you're like, if you're 14 now, you'll never be able to legally smoke. Because they'll just keep pushing it. Yeah, yeah. Like, if you look, if you look like you're under 65 years old, prepare to show your ID if you want to buy cigarettes here, right? Yeah. Right. Fucking, I'm sure that'll work. Yeah, sure they'll, I mean like banning something like sure they'll really get.

Kids have always had to hide cigarettes everywhere. Have an 80 year old man waiting outside of a CVS for a 90 year old man to come to buy a key by me a pack of smokes in here. My ID says I'm 80. Right. What is the fucking machine won't sell to me because of my ID chip, what's the age for smoking in New Zealand? It's like 21, normally. But now they're gonna cut it.

What is it here? Is it 21? It's 21. Yeah, I don't know. Was it 18 when we were kids? Yeah. So it's easy for you to get sicker as you're 15. Yeah, did they smoke a, it's funny cause I, you know, I don't smoke. So I've tried.

It's from 18 to 2021. The FDA. So it's raising the federal minimum age. Oh yeah, I remember complaining about this, like two years ago. Did it go into effect? Is tobacco age 21? Yes, since 2019.

Well, 21. Oh, man. I can't say what kids should do. Yeah. Here, okay. So here's a funny one for you. Okay. Here's a funny one for you, John.

Remember how Texas did like a made it so you could sue people doing abortions? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Do you remember that? Yeah, I can't make it illegal. So they're like, okay, you could sue people doing abortions. Oh yeah. Yeah. Do you remember that? Yeah, I can't make it illegal. So they're like, okay, you could sue somebody for 10 grand for doing it or getting an abortion. Yeah.

And who can sue anybody? Anybody could sue anybody. Anybody could sue. Right. So why would West of the Ubers driving you to play a parent who you like? That's a fucking 10 grand, dude. Right. That's 10 G's, you owe me. I'm a fucking rat, I'm a suger ass.

But I'll settle out a court for two. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, whatever we can hit an ATM, as your water broke yet. Ha ha. Just like it's totally incisive. That would be, that'd be two, that'd be a late term, wouldn't it? You have a lot of breaks.

I gotta get an abortion. It's never too late. 40th trimester, whatever, just get rid of them all. So remember we were talking about this on the show and I said, well, yeah, but can't they just do that to anything then? You guys, you're not gonna be laughing when they do this to shit that you like doing.

Well, yeah, like, speech and hate speech, suing for 10 grand for hate speech. Well, yeah, like, speech and hate speech, suing for 10 grand for hate speech. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it when they do this, so your stuff. Right. What do you know? Yesterday, Newsom announces a law he's putting through.

So any private citizen in California can sue anyone who manufactures, distributes, or sells an assault weapon or ghost gun kit or parts for the same amount of money. They're the same hilariously, you know, because no one is serious in poly, because it's just a big fucking pissing match. Well, it's just a big, a big funny laws. It's just never ending pandering that they have no, you know, no for use. Dummies hell. This no intention, no intention of actually enforcing or following

through on. Oh, I, people will enforce this. If this goes through California, I just mean people actually I will sue every public school that has a 3D printer. If this goes through, I'm going to walk, I'm'm gonna go to every public school that has like a stem program. I'm gonna give a kid 20 bucks to go print a fucking handle for a gun. And I'm gonna say, well, there's 10 grand right there. Thanks, buddy. Any kid that goes to public school that has a 3D printer, print a legal part of a ghost gun, legal, and I will split my $10,000 lawsuit with you for every fucking publishing. I'm just gonna sue all day.

All day lawsuits, public school. Oh, 3D printer? Oh, that's interesting. I'm pretty much a ghost gun, sir. Oh, you don't know. Well, let's figure that in court. Don't have to ban more stuff. Uh, yeah, Texas ban on...

Sure, I hope it goes through. It'll be funny. Jesus. Don't you think that, don't you think it's dumb that there's like a, it's illegal to do a fake police report? Why is it illegal to lie to the government? They lie to you all the time. They lie all the time.

Yeah. I mean, what if you, like, what if you are forced to? And you never, you never go after it. So why is it a law? How is it a law if you never go, if you never pursue it, how the fuck is it a law? It's just there. In case you want to fuck somebody over. It's on the books. Yeah, it's on the books. I mean, make everything illegal then. Just in case.

I can't get a straight answer out of people. Is the real answer is I like when bad things happen and people I don't like. Yeah, okay, then just do that. I agree with that too. That's true. Okay, you want to do a fat watch? Yes.

Fat watch, a day in fat news. Oh, I played the wrong one. You did? Yeah. Never mind. Are you sure? I think so. All right, here we go.

Here we go. This one's from, I forget the name of the girl that sent this one to me. Oh, my. If that's not a fucking capture of a stereotype, I mean, what do you mean? You know goddamn what I mean. Oh, mama, I'm gonna have to rename this fat watch. This is something, this is a fat clock. I'm looking at here. We're looking at a couple

pieces on that. It's like, it's like our bungee cords tying together that that's structural. That's a load bearing bikini. Seriously, it's got to be so many. It's like a, yeah. And now there's a gentleman. He's have a, he's have a melanin complexion. I don't know. He could be Indian or something. I don't know. Oh, what's very white? She's very white and is a whale.

He goes by CPTNAHAB on TikTok. She was going over that. Yeah, it's good. Are you watching this dance routine? Uh, yeah. Oh, God. Oh, no. I want to make it bigger for the...

She kind of just stomped like a sumo. She said, leg come down. It was... Yeah, I did. That's cool. Let me see if I can make it a little bigger for the people. No, that's what they want. Yeah, they need, give the people what they don't want to see.

Look at the, see the bikini. It really is a, that really is a structural thing. Yeah. So ghost guns are illegal, but this shit is, this shit is legal. Okay. It's like flexible rebar. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Uh. Oh.

Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Dude. And no tits. Oh, that's a shame. You'd think when a woman put on 200, 300 pounds, she'd at least throw some to the tits, but God had at least tossed some into the tits, but no. Man.

It's not in this case in this instance. Oh, look at that. Look at the tattoo. She's got a tattoo on what, anatomically could be considered a thigh. Is she white? I don't know. You think she's, do you think she's just so fat that the melanin in her skin is distributed in a way that makes her look paler than she otherwise would?

Like if you stretch a balloon out, it's darker when it's like the expansion of the universe, how light she is. No, I'm just looking at it as it stretches out across the expanse of her fat ass. No, I'm just kind of looking at her at her face. Okay. Why does this exist? their inner face. Okay, let's. Let's go, baby. Oh, okay. Why does this exist? I don't know.

That's a six society that allows something like this to exist. Oh my god, the back. The fucking, the pleats. The pleats. Sean, this, yes, the pleats of this, it looks like a surgical mask pulled up her ass. It does. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Sean, I just wanna, I just, I just, I just, I just like a surgical mask pulled up her ass. It does. Shot, I just want to, I just want to,

I just want to point out that this, this thin strip of green is what prevents this from being obscene. Yeah, in public. Right, right. Otherwise, if that was missing, oh boy, it would be good to be a friend disgusting okay she looks like Joyberg yes oh my god, no cell you like though. I don't think Just got a lot of tattoos the tattoos are like oh shit whoops whoops whoops whoops whoops whoops whoops go away get out of here ties Carla

How do I get back to where I was oh? There are Did you see that leg kick? I did. Oh, how romantic. Look at this. Look at this belly button area. I'm trying to zoom in on the... Man.

Okay, this thing, whatever you call this, how does the, I'm struggling to understand what this is, what the bikini bottom looks like, because the bikini bottom starts at her navel, and then it's got about three feet to her vaginal area. And we saw it go up in the back and the butt crack. Yeah. So how much material is this? Exactly. Only square yards.

Yeah. And then it hugs in. It hugs in. So perhaps there's another, I present to you that there is an additional strap that is strapped this bikini under the gut so that it doesn't dangle down. So that there is in fact a buttress strap

that there is a fat woman bikini pattern that has a strap on the navel, an additional strap on the hips and under the gut area. That is definitely those criss-cross, God, it's almost like she added that. I was just gonna say that. Those are for fat women. Yeah, those so they have their own mechanism,

like a brazier, but for under the gut, pullings that keep the fabric, because they don't want to look like they're not, you know, if they just let, if they just let the gut fly, they'd look naked. And that would be, that would be inappropriate. Right. So they have to start the bikini. So you know it's there at the naval. Yeah. And then it goes down. Right it's right it's this is why this is why this bit is so important yeah because we've got to keep an eye on these

I like how he's wearing the matching color yeah the green yeah it is imagine is really well Uh, it is, imagine is really well. It's a, yeah, it's a, it's a two packets for a man and his rhino. Okay. That was fat watch. Fat watch. Oh my god. And fat news. Okay.

There you go. Uh, let's read some comments. Thank you to whoever sent that in. I'm sorry, I forgot you name. Thomas J. Rage, people who won't admit their vision, vision is horrible. Hey Dickenshaw, I've worked in ophthalmology for a year and a half and it's amazing the amount of people

who have scheduled an appointment with an eye doctor yet won't admit their vision is bad. I do their complete exams, including medical history, checking vision and prescription eye pressures and so on. I'm tired of people coming in saying their vision is great. When they literally shouldn't be driving a car, I'm not sure how they even walked in the front door. People are weirdly...

Why did they make an appointment? I don't know. I'm just gonna check. I don't know why people lie about like everything. Like they think it's like a vision. Some form of like weakness or something to... I don't know. I'm just gonna check. I don't know why people lie about like everything. Like they think it's like a vision. Some form of like weakness or something to. Yeah, like you don't control your eyes at all.

Yeah. It's just like shitty or not. Yeah. Insurance usually won't pay much if at all for their exam if they don't have any complaints. And these old people are too proud to admit that things are a little bit blurry. They don't want people taking away their cars.

Oh yeah, maybe that's it. I don't know. Like why are you here then? There's a lot of reasons to take away old people's cars. Despite. Number one. Like really? Yeah, fuck them. Then why are you here then?

I guess my rage is just old people's pride in general. Mm-hmm. Because this wouldn't be the only example. Just admit you're not seeing perfectly. Thanks. Love the show. Thanks, buddy. Dustin Takiyama, let's L latinx. Why do white people weaponize representation of other people? Because it's fun. They like it. You know, why not? Give some purpose. Give some purpose. Yeah, here was the latinx thing that you were talking about. Yeah.

Embraced a term embraced by younger Latinos, but not really. But not really, not at all. Elrich Umler, enjoy being poor. Cool. Okay. As a software engineer, I really don't see NFT art pieces moving the needle.

Oh, hmm. I get that you were a software engineer as well. I'm just putting it out there that I'm not a complete dunce in this space. Well, not in software. Why would pseudo randomly generated pieces of art be worth money in the future? Just because the NFT technology could

be useful. Oh, bro, they're worth money right now. Well, in the future, it's millions of dollars right now. No, I know. So let's update our language to reflect reality and not fantasy world where everything behaves logically because that's not the way the world world is. It doesn't follow. It is literally because they're the first pieces of art

to use the tech. Kinda, yeah. The enjoy being poor attitude is also really dumb. Have you heard that? Enjoy being poor? I've heard you say it. Yeah. Crypto, people of crypto say it when they're getting

fudded upon by fucking dummies. They're like, well, you know, Bitcoin is a fucking tool of, it's just a scam, not really worth anything, instead of arguing with them, because it's so tedious to argue with people. Yeah, yeah, it is. That's why I enjoy being poor.

Yeah, enjoying being poor then. And the more the longer that we say it, like that was back when Bitcoin was like three grand. So now I was like, well, I mean, now it just seems like you kind of don't want to admit that you fucked up before and you missed out on making all that money. Well, I think they probably are, are hoping that it fucking goes belly up somehow. Yeah. Well, the dollar has lost. Oh, guess what I didn't miss out. The dollar has lost 40% of its purchasing power in the last 20 years.

Yeah. And biting's printing like $4 trillion so far. Yeah. So I don't know what else, I don't know what you guys need to understand about the dollar is fucking dead. Mm-hmm. And it's gonna be much, much worse in like 10 or 20 years. So enjoy

being poor. Okay, enjoy being poor attitude is also really dumb. No, it's not because crypto and Bitcoin is the only thing that doesn't need you to participate for it to work. Like crypto people don't need you. They don't need to convince you of shit because all they're doing is just moving all of their money and wealth into their own thing that cannot be fucked with by your stupidity and by a group consensus. That is the thinking that you're used to

is convinced me that this is a good idea and I'll give you my vote. I'll lend you my bow to participate in this thing. What you don't understand is we don't need you. You can, you can have fun playing with your play money that Harriet Tubman's gonna be on and we're just gonna go take our math and go be fucking rich. How about that? So enjoy it. Do you need, oh, do you need it more, do you want me to make a TED talk? Just for you to explain how fucking dumb you are

for not getting, for not getting in on this? No. Well, maybe if you change it to enjoy not being rich. Yeah, it would cushion the blow a little bit. Yeah, that's the problem. Well, then enjoy not being rich. We wanted to, we wanted to hurt. Yeah. People don't want mass adoption

because we don't want a bunch of retarded morons ruining crypto like they ruined the fucking internet. They'll get there eventually. You can use Libra or the US fucking central bank currency whatever it is when that gets, when that gets shit out by the Federal Reserve, use that, have fun. But they don't need you.

What do you want? The, the, the enjoy being poor attitudes also really dumb. The economy does not revolve around stuff that exists. It revolves around, I was an economist who revolves around the production of goods and services. Does it really?

Does it really, Julie? If I'm a productive person, it doesn't matter. If I'm in today's shit money or whatever crypto emerges victorious, the winners will still want goods and services. And I, as someone productive, you know, that old saying work hard work harder not smarter. Yeah say right as long as you're working hard Things will work out for you. You ever heard that saying Yeah, work as hard as possible all the time Earn whatever the currency of the day is Yeah, I mean, have fun earning.

So when inflation and when prices go up by 10%, does everybody walk into their boss and go like, yo, I need 10% more money. Is that how the economy works? We're fucking, oh wow, bread costs twice as much today. I just go to work and say, I, you know,

no problem. Cars and stuff or a pile of like, he's giving me some more of that money that you got. You're, I mean, you understand logically that it makes sense for you to just increase how much money you give me for how much things cost. Sure. I mean, there's no brainer.

You gotta keep up, yeah? No brainer. Investing, quote, in cryptos, NFTs, et cetera, will make some randos wealthy for sure. But the rest are bag holders. Do you know what that means? Bag holder of the term. No, not in that term. I mean, sense. I know like, you know, you're left holding the bag. Yeah, that's what it means. So you bought a whole bunch of this fucking worthless

shit. And you're like, oh, shit, I got no more idiots to sell it to. Right. Investing their wage-slave checks on digital lotto tickets, rather than exiting the debt-based economy by getting out of debt. Is that enjoying poor to people? Investing in cryptos, NFTs, et cetera, will make some rand's wealthy for sure,

but the rest are, quote, bag holders investing there. But I mean, if you're in it at all, you're in a better spot than most people. Like, do you not see that there's, that number one people are having fun with it? There's a lot of money, there's a lot of money just swishing around that people paid pennies on the dollar for

because they've been holding it for 10 years. Yeah But yeah, I think the bigger the bigger point is if you needed explain to you fuck you They people room making the internet accessible ruined it. Mm-hmm smear campaign unvaccinated sperm, that's something. Stephen Martin says, you were wrong, I have to correct you on something. A couple episodes back, you stated that the average American woman weighed 163.5 pounds. That is wrong. The average American woman weighs 170.9 pounds.

Is that true? Does the pandemic do that to us? I mean, maybe. Whoa. Wow. That's an incredible amount of weight. average woman weight. 100 and no, like, that can't be. 170.6.

Oh, 170. So the average American man cannot bench press the average American woman? Yeah, no way. Ah! Dude, that's a stop feeding. We gotta have an immediate shutdown of all food in the country, so we can figure out what's going on.

And you wonder, you know, why heart disease is the largest killer in the United States, you know? And a reptile dysfunction. You also wonder about that. That's a killer. the United States. And erectile dysfunction. You also wonder about that. That's a killer. How much of it there is. And why? Yeah.

170 fucking pounds. Because we watched TikToks like that and can't get it out of our, it's burned into our retinas. So are they gonna be like is the, so if you're 170 pounds, you need a, but you need that special bikini, right? Even that special gun bikini. I get that.

But that brought us wearing. That's just a mate. I wonder what it was, you know, what was it in, you know, 1970? Oh, it was normal because everybody had to walk everywhere. And then fucking high process corn starch, whatever it is. That shit is poison. Have women gained weight at a faster rate than men.

I mean, over the like, well, I'm just, I'm curious about these things. That's fucking. One, 17. That's incredible. Dude, this is a, this is a, this is a crisis. It is. This is a national. This is the biggest crisis facing the world.

Yeah. Right now, 170, forget the Ukraine, forget Taiwan. What else is there? Tornados? Tornados are happening. Right, forget all that stuff. This is 100 people. How do you locking their car doors?

Don't forget about that. Male suicide skyrocketing. I think we found the reason why. What is there to live for? That's average too. So some women are clocking in at 200 to 20. Average woman now weighs. I think blast choices. So the average woman, the average woman is a super middleweight. Or a little bigger or a little bigger. I think super middleweight's fight at 168. Let's see boxing. Yeah, boxing.

I think super middleweight's like 168. Oh, no. Boxing weight divisions, cyclopetia, Britannicus, super middleweight, yeah, 168. 168 light. Light heavyweight is 175. Oh, we need to count. 168 light heavyweight is 175. We need to count down times. I got a map this time. We have our light heavyweight.

Like we got a plot at what date the average woman will be a light heavyweight in male boxing. It's real close. Bro, okay, blast choices 180. My God, blast choices 180. My God, blast choices 188. Okay, so they haven't, there will be a time when women clear, light heavy weight, and when women clear blast toys, the Pokemon. Wow, I've wait.

Well, that's truly disturbing. That's worth the amount of file news. What's the average American man? Pretty fit, I think. Average male weight. I mean, we know a lot of dudes are fat. They're also a lot taller. 100 and 97.

197. Okay, so I look like the average American. My build is about this normal, as an average American. Like that's not. You're taller than the average American man. Average height just over five, nine. I think what's average women or somewhere like five, four, or something like that is like the average height.

I mean 170 to 197, that seems too close. It doesn't, yes. 20 pounds. Yeah. I don't know, man. It's your condense. It doesn't, yes. 20 pounds. Yeah. I don't know, man. It's pretty close. I don't know what kind of pairing this is. I'm uncomfortable about it.

Which one's the woman here? Oh, that one. God, 170 pounds. The penis thing. Okay, if you guys say so. Mm. Hard to tell, right? That is fucking brutal.

Nice human you got there. Is it a man or a... Oh, this one's a woman. Oh, okay. Hard to tell, because it's both about the same size. Cause, here we go. Pedro Colazzo about the cause of breast reduction mania. You guys were saying that plastic surgeons are the problem

because they pushed the surgery onto these women to earn a buck. I disagree with this. Honestly, I don't know how much they push it, but it just doesn't surprise me. It doesn't surprise me if they do, you know? Well, yeah, yeah. You go for something, it's like, well, you know, I mean, while we're in, you know, you could also...

Maybe they go in for something big and they push something small. Because the phone hears you talking about it. Oh, like the phone, it was listening to you, and it gives you the ads on you go to Instagram of course If you're talking to your girlfriends about it and your phone here is you're gonna Instagram's like, oh wow This plastic surgeon look at these fucking things. He's posting about breast. I remember quick story I remember a somebody Who didn't believe nothing didn't believe it. It's just he never saw any evidence

of anything he talked about showing up or anything, he's like, I don't know how much of things are listening. So he comes the next day and he goes, you're totally right. He goes, one of my daughters was gifted, like just as a little like, you know, whatever, like a Venus fly trap.

And we talked about like, just, nobody in our family's ever talked about a fucking Venus fly trap. Who talks about Venus fly traps? Yeah. He's like, that night, there was like, and a nurse re-ad and like, order Venus fly traps, like, like, yeah.

What the fuck? Yeah. It's really horrible. To tell you a story, okay, I wholeheartedly believe that the people pushing this are other women. I've seen it in person. Oh, yeah, that's true. To tell you a story real quick, I have a cousin in law who is somewhere between 10 and

13 years older than me. Absolutely beautiful. Won't that, is that helpful to you? Uh, I have a, well, man, I'm trying to have a cousin that's 10 years older than me. Trying to picture her. I'm a fuck older you. want that. Is that helpful to you? I have a, well, man, I'm trying to have a cousin that's 10 years old to me. Trying to picture her. I'm a fuck old, are you? Right. What?

Right. Are you? What are you? What are you? Are you? I mean, let's 30. What? Let's say he's, let's say how old?

Why is that the number? Let's say he's in his 20s. Oh, how'd you cause it? 10 years older than me. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So they're not below 10. That's what I now know. So this woman is at least 11 years old.

Yeah. Minimum. Sure. Absolutely beautiful woman. Easily a 10, but I'll give her a 9, just to give myself a margin of error for a subjectiveness. I still remember, as if it was yesterday, that when I was 15 years old,

so he could have been 15 years today. So she's at least 25. Right. When I was 15 years old, we were at my aunt's house, her mother-in-law, and she was talking about how she was going to reduce her breast size in the near future, because of that pain. This woman had at least double D breasts.

So what's she gonna save? Two pounds. Three pounds? Yeah. So she was five, nine, or five, 10 athletic build with great mountain peaks. And I wanna know what the other contractor to my cousin.

You wanna know what the other woman told her when she said she's gonna reduce them? Oh yeah, if it's hurting your back, then definitely reduce them. Yeah. So being pushed by other women, I'd, you know, there are some great surgeons out there. I know this other woman or family member

who's got hers reduced and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Not a single one of them said, what the fuck are you thinking? Yeah. You've got great tits and anyone would kill to have them. Nah, you got to shame them. You got to hit them harder than that. Don't compliment. If the woman's talking about it, you've got great tits and anyone would kill to have them. Now, you got to shame them. You got to hit them harder than that. Don't compliment.

If the woman's talking about it, you go, well, maybe if you went to the gym every once in a while, maybe if you worked your back muscles and said your mouth muscles so much, you have all this complaining to do. You know, if you carried some of those blankets. Yeah, maybe your tits wouldn't hurt so much. Just do some exercise or get a better brazier.

I was standing there listening to the whole conversation completely devastated. I was 14 or 15 and surrounded by a group of women. So please forgive me for not doing my part and begging her not to do it. If it had happened today, I probably would have dropped to my knees in front of her begging her not to do it.

This is his cousin. Yeah, it's wrong with that. I don't know. How much DNA do you share really? I mean, full siblings are only 50% on average. Oh, really? Yeah. Siblings weird.

Funny thing is, it's not the first time a similar conversation like this happened with my extended family. There were a couple more times where one woman would say that she was thinking of reducing her breasts and the rest would immediately support her decision of training her thought. Women just fucking hate each other and always encourage them to do stupid things and think in stupid ways.

There's always a, I know this, there definitely exists like a threat of jealousy or. Oh, I'm having some problems with my boyfriend. Oh, really have you open, has you read his email? I think. Ah. Now thanks to social media, the small breast mentality is reaching other beautiful women out there

and convincing them to join the itty bitty, titty committee. Something must be done. It's funny. It's like my Italian uncle Tony used to say, Italians, they want what somebody, you know, the house next door, they want what somebody has, but they also don't want you to have it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't want what you have also. They don't want you to have it. If I can't have it, then you shouldn't. Right, right? I want it. If I can't have it, then you shouldn't. Right, right? I want it. Yeah. Yeah, that's women.

Racialized minorities in the perjuration paradox, Brassic Vivid says, hey, Dick, I just saw our last episode. This article should answer one of your questions. I'm surprised to see it's seven years old. Why we have so many terms for people of color. I think we all know why. We have so many terms. Wait, what about seven years old, why we have so many terms for people of color. I think we all know why. We have so many terms. What about seven years old?

This article that says why we have so many terms for people of color. Oh. Is anyone confused by it? I don't think so. People, I forget it. Update on the manlet who shot a dead.

Hey, dick, a fern hat. An update on that shooting you covered last week. I'm from the town that had happened in. Remember that guy that shot the dad? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm from the town that had happened in and it's been really weird seeing the news coverage.

The manlet who shot the guy is apparently a pretty big name real estate developer. Cool, in the area. And in spite of everyone from the kids to the grandparents on both sides, unanimously blaming the Simp and the mother, the dude was never actually charged or even arrested. Just wow, just thought you might be interested

considering the BS involving the unbelievable. Okay, go fuck yourself, friend. Alec Baldwin, either. Didn't he do an interview where he said that he didn't even pull the trigger? But I think so. I think so. I think so.

I think so. Sure, whatever. Yeah, that production, that was fucking as slip shot as could be. Yeah. The armorer is like, you know, that he's like this pink hair, right? Well, she's like the, she's like the,

she's the daughter of like a really well-known armorer's like, you know, the, she's like this pink hair. Well, she's like the, she's like the, she's the daughter of like a really well-known armorer. And she's fucked up before. I mean, nobody, that thing should never be, none of that should ever be out of her fucking sight. Like an A.D. should never hand a weapon to an actor, ever, ever. And that guy was known for being slip shot as fuck. Oh, that was a guy. Yeah, he'll still fucking

flaunt the rules. I guess they're out plinking fucking beer cans with that thing earlier. That was crazy. Oh, yeah. No, it's, it's absolutely insane just how fucking reckless that production was. It's funny, though, that a bad thing happened, Alec Baldwin, like I like that part. Yeah, he's had a few things. He's actually self-inflicted, but yeah, he said that, a lady died. But he isn't funny that the bad thing happened. He isn't a bad thing. He's not for a bull prick.

He wasn't on SNL being Trump that weekend. I tell you that much. No, I guess he wasn't. Next time he runs his mouth, what's Trump gonna, he really want Trump to make a joke about how you shot that lady at a rally with 50,000 people, is that what you want, Alec? You mean he hasn't yet? No, he's saving. Oh, Trump. He's saving

that. Oh, man. He's saving that up for, yeah, that's a 24 just waiting for Alec Baldwin to say anything. Yeah. He's just going to go, oh, fucking pistol Alec Baldwin's out there saying, come up with a, come up with a nickname. Ah, Alec bloodbath Baldwin. No, Papa, Papa, Papa, come up with a nickname. Ha! Alec blood bath Baldwin. No, Jesus. He's saving it up. You know he's saving it up. Alec Baldwin's killed more people than the Omekron variant.

Or whatever. He's gonna be better than all those. It'll be better than you can imagine. He's gonna say it. He's gonna say it in front of everybody. And Alec Baldwin has to go to bed every night with his bitch, his wife's. Have you seen her deal with people?

No, no, I don't know who he's there in the ball. I've got a third of bitches. Some Mexican lady or a Spanish lady or something, or maybe not, I don't know. Such a bitch, it's everyone's face. What you don't understand about my Algbalon is, oh god damn, you live with that. But then he acts like that too.

He's like, can you just tell me, give him, you guys are so amped up. Yeah. Why don't you relax, do some drugs. Chris Primary says, lionizing Kyle, if he's a hero, it has more to do with the state of the police force. I don't like cops either,

but I think others feel like there's a vacuum developing in urban areas. Why do people care about urban areas? You know, I'm my phone. I woke up and my phone said that Nick Cannon's kid died of a brain tumor. Oh, yeah. I'm just, I don't care about this. Well, yeah. Who, I don't care.

Why are you telling me? And I'm realizing that everybody woke up that day with Nick Cannon's kid died of a brain tumor on their phone, and they're having to now justify to themselves why they don't care and care about it. It's like, well, it sucks that kid died, that would suck. Yeah, it's just like this. But globalized age of anxiety for information

that I cannot use and don't seek out and don't give a fuck about. Well, there's horrible things happening every day. Yeah. You know, like, I mean, just because it's the kid of a famous person, you're like, wow, that sucks. But I mean, it's up to you.

That's what I'm saying. You're fed. Yeah. You're fed this emotional state when you wake up. Oh, yeah. You are functioning as a programmable computer. Oh no, the paper's written on that. Yeah.

So it made me, it made me want to just toss the, toss everything like I don't, I don't get it with that stuff. I'm angry at this for happening. I mean, we have myself for feeling anything about a dead kid. Yeah. Oh no, it keeps you in a constantly like volatile,

emotional state. Mm-hmm. All the shit weighing on you. I don't like how I see there, but they feel like there's a vacuuming developing in urban areas. Yeah, that's what I mean. Who fucking cares? I don't care what happens to San Francisco. They could all rape each other or they could have a fucking utopia. I don't care. I don't care. But I hear about it all the fucking time. Everybody has a fucking opinion. Yeah, sure. What's happening in urban areas? I don't care, but I hear about it all the fucking time. Everybody has a fucking opinion. What's happening in Urban Ears? I don't care. And those, why do you?

And those charged with keeping the peace are unwilling or unable to manage a problem that's now beyond the scope of Andy Griffith and his deputies. I want to see that episode. I don't know. They made a pretty big drug bust the other day. Yeah.

You see the pictures? That is definitely clean You see the pictures? That is definitely clean enough the streets. It's got some dangerous, woo! Some dangerous contraband off the streets. That looks like a whole harvest, too. I mean, there's no way that any other weed could have gotten by this crack team.

Yeah, yeah. Got four of them on there. It's like a goddamn game. Like, they've trained those four guys have been trained to play a game about collecting weed. And that's the exhibit A that you've been brainwashed and it's just like putting up numbers, right?

Like a candy crush and like a Skinnerbox addiction. I go, here we go. Oh, awesome. We did it. Now we're posing for it. Like stop and think for one second. I like Ralph. Oh, a sudden change, okay.

But he can be petty and mean. Oh, you should break up with him then. I hope there's something more to the story than what sounded like, oh, it sounded like a clip of Ralph getting the Hershey Squirtz farts or otherwise, otherwise it's mildly amusing to laugh at.

I don't know. I guess people really believe that that clip is real. You know what it is? I don't know. It was a good effect, but again, we couldn't get anywhere near the presence of... Yeah. You have to deal with so many people who just pretend not to understand things in life and it is really exhausting.

Like someone will say something, and no matter what, online or work or something in politics, whatever your own fucking family members will say something. And I always thought, it's like, well, do you, like, are you just pretending to not understand what was happening? Like, what are you saying? They make, they, they think about Ralph is like, well, his feelings were heard. Do you not understand? Do you not understand that? Well, people take subtlety

out of it. Like, or just like, you know why you can't do that. Yeah. And just like a daily, well, the reason is like this, then how come I can't? It's you fucking, you know why you can't do that. Like, and just like a daily, well, the reason is, like this, then how come I can't, it's you fucking, you know why. You know why. Stop, stop, stop, be asking me, stop be asking me, and stop be asking yourself, you're gonna start to believe it. Oh no shit.

You're gonna go crazy. Oh yeah. People get old and they go fucking crazy because they've been bullshitting for so long that they start actually believing that shit. Oh yeah. Uh, okay. Yeah.

Oh, you know, I don't know what to say. Hey, Dick, if you watched Tiger King season two, it's out. I wanted to see if you were Sean and watched it yet. No, I'd love to hear about on the show. I don't know how this is season two is, he was in jail and he's still in jail. Is it a different, I mean, I don't think so. Well, they had another cast of characters who there was like the one guy who was kind of like the cult leader, you know, he had a bunch of chicks at the...

Yeah, we learned everything about him. Yeah. I think so. I see no reason to watch. I don't even say if it was good or not. No. If not, it's worth noting that Mertle Beach Zoo owner, Doc Anel received his own three-parter. You know what? I saw this thing popped up on the Netflix about Hugh Heffner.

Yeah. And I was like, Oh, wow. Some kind of documentary about Hugh Heffner. Awesome. Let me check this out. Oh, you know what he said. I bet I know what it is. Season episode one, I know. I'm not watching a 10-part documentary on Hugh Hefner. I thought I was going to say why he was worse than Hitler or something. I'm sure it gets into that, but I'm not, I don't know why you think that you couldn't condense this into a single movie or who's like binging 10 hours of their lives watching Hugh Hefner's exploits, but it's not me. No, I'm done with series, dock you series. Okay, let me see if anybody wants to call in.

Does anybody hanging out that wants to call in? I know I tell people every week to get in there. Okay, advice for Tara. Don't do voice meals. And then keep drinking. Johnny Pro laps. Oh. Advice for a timid Tard.

Hey, Dick, this is Johnny Pro laps. Change your name. Not Pro laps. Yeah. Timothy Pro laps, would that be better? I knew a guy whose last name was Orifice. Really? Yeah.

How did he get that name? Got me. It's just straight orifice. No, when you told me his last name, pronounced orifice. Yeah. Spelled like a butthole. Yeah, like, how do you spell,

or E? Is it FIC? No, ora, no, is it O-O-R-A, right? Yeah, like oral. Or a fist. Yeah, or a fist. Yeah. No, I think it...

Or-O-R-R. Oh, god damn. Or a fist. You know what's so fucked up? I used to be a great Speller and then the phone came. Yeah, orifice, okay. Wow, what are you proud of being a Speller? I mean, I was, I was, yeah, knew how to spell shit.

As long as you get close. That's fine. That's what the phone does. Now it's like, I was, I was, yeah, knew how to spell shit. As long as you get close, that's fine. That's what the phone does. Now it's like, I don't know, it's not, I think his was spelled like, or as in like iron or F-I-C-E. But I mean, you know, I remember when he said his name, I said his name like, he started kind of, he's like, orifice. And like, I didn't even put two and two together.

I was like, we were like kids. I was like, I thought about later how funny that was. Yeah. I'm wondering if we're here. No, but not spelled like that. I think it was, I think it was ORE. Orifice. You were a spew, you seem like a speller.

Yeah, I mean, we got spelling people. Yeah, I mean, I could, you know, now it's who gives a shit, clearly. I can't spell shit. How do I advise for a timid tart? Hey, Dick, this is Johnny Pro Labs. How do I get into the type of mood feeling? Oh, thank you, I mean.

How do I get into the type of mood slash feeling where I quote, don't give a fuck. And confident will in myself and what I want, IE getting laid, et cetera. You know, other things. I want confidence in all things, you know, things like getting laid, yeah, there are, also getting laid. PS, what makes me a rage are fans who feel the need to begin their emails with don't read my name.

Fuck and stop that, just go by a fake name, or don't submit your name next to your email. If you don't want it read, you cock. Your identity is not that sacred anyway, get raped. Usually I even switch, even if they I don't they don't say that I switch their names around. That's why the name sounds stupid. Don't get in type the mood where I don't give a fuck. I don't like that that meme. Yeah, like where you don't care about everybody cares a lot about what people think like a lot. Yeah, and Let's see, you know people wouldn't care so much

what other people thought if they realized how seldom they were thought of. Yeah, expression words. People aren't dwelling, it doesn't line up. The amount doesn't line up. It's like, I'm not sitting there at home, thinking about you all the time, or whether it's like, oh, they probably think I'm like

it's I'm fucking you. Yeah, I'm thinking about. Yeah, and also, most people do, absolutely, people care. Of course, people, but then every time I hear about one other people think, I don't give a fuck what other people think I think you do. You majorly care about it. I'm sure you do, because you want everyone to know that.

Like, that's why. That's how I know that that's a lie, because like, it's contradictory, what are you doing? It's contradictory, because you're like, expressly, saying two people, something that they need to know about. Usually people just express themselves without explicitly telling people how to interpret

it. But when you say, I don't care about what other people think about me, like you're telling them specifically what to think. That is the most control you can try to exhibit over how people perceive you. It just seemed, it's, it's always felt so fake and weak to me. Yeah, the amount of people that don't care about what other people think are just doing stuff. Yeah, right.

They just don't think about it. Right, and nobody has any kind of like influence, you know, if they think that they need to do this, people outside, like, well, I don't really, I don't, I don't think, I honestly really don't care what you think. I've been shocked, like some, I've been shocked learning that some people either like me or hate me, I'm like, oh, I didn't even know.

I didn't even know I was aware of me. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, I mean, I don't know, it's fun to hate people. I don't wanna take that away from them. Sure, why not make fun of me, whatever, I don't care. I do, like it sucks, but it doesn't wreck your life. I hate some people too. Yeah, it's fun.

Yeah. I think the most, I get rid of that. I honestly think the best way to be what people call confident and get laid or whatever is to just bring happiness and entertainment to people. I think that like idleness and boredom is poison to life. And that you can believe in people's boredom, they will do anything to continue to have that.

Yeah. Most like if it's not about like people like those people. Yeah, all the pickup artists shit. I think it's retarded only because like an act and it's not you. about like people like those people. Yeah, all the pickup artists shit. I think it's retarded only because because it's an act and it's not you. Yeah, it's like they're teaching you like a subset of just how to make friends. Yes.

Exactly. The people who are pursuing pickup artistry are not good with anybody. Like if they had basic social skill, like if they, then that would take care of itself. That would take care of itself. Like if you're at a bar approaching a guy, it's this, it's, it's,

I'm approaching anybody's all identical. Yeah. Like you just have something to entertain them with. Yeah. You have something for them. Yeah. You have something for them. Yeah.

People like, people always get back. Nobody, nobody likes a social vampire. So, people like, they can't back. Nobody likes a social vampire. So the opposite of that is what people like. It really is. It's true. It really is that. Yeah, you simplify that pretty well. That's a good answer.

Most people are just like craving and addicted to tell you about them. So they are validated. It's like a fucking, most people are like a fucking robot. They need to like, to make you aware of who they are. And it's like this soul sucking, energy sucking process of getting acceptance from you for them when it doesn't matter. Like, so don't do that.

So what you're saying is he needs to, I mean, he just needs to work on just people interactions. Yeah. How do you relate to people? It's not, don't, don't focus on women so specifically. Oh, yeah. Just go be busy. Yeah, be busy.

Just interact, practice interacting. You're nothing. Leave everything that you are at the door. It's a dead man's party. Your water, whatever, whatever you need to be. Be, try to figure out who they are. Yeah. That's it.

What's going on? What's your deal over here? What are you doing? What's going on? What is this whole? You've got a whole lifetime of shit that has led you to this moment. You're making thousands of choices a second. Talk about any number of them.

That's the thing. Yeah. You've got, if you're interested in somebody else, they've got stories for days. You listening to podcasts over there? Yeah. What are you doing? Who's the last person you talked to? What was that?

Tell me about that. Anything. Okay. Dominic. My buddy used to say, they just want to be like, he goes, you don't have to say anything smart. You just have to say something. Yeah. Dominic. Hey, Dick and John. You just have to say something. Yeah.

Dominic, hey, Dicken John. My name's Dominic with the K. I wanted to ask for some advice from you guys. I'm a senior in high school. I think I've talked to this guy before. Really? I think so, because I remember the way we were with the K. What?

You're grooming him? He says he's a senior in high school, so he was underage while you were talking to him. I didn't know. You shouldn't be emailing underage fans like that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like I didn't know. You shouldn't be emailing underage fans like that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like I started the email.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Uh, I'm seeing you're in high school and a complete outcast. Well, you should shoot. Uh, probably. Jesus. I got a shooter here. I'm probably, I should probably start with some context.

All my life I've been known as the quiet kid, and the kid who doesn't talk to many people. Kid that no one really knows, and the kid that you have to ask the name of in the middle of a semester of school, because you never talk to them. Well, if you take a shit in the class on the first day, I won't like a name.

Yeah. I've always been an outsider. I'm a six foot guy that's around 245. Bro! Okay, well, high school? No! Yeah, I mean, no. It's not gonna get better unless you do more.

Oh, no. But, but the good news is, you're young. You gotta lose that weight now. This year, you have got to lose that fucking weight, Dominic. Yep. Because it'll never be easy. It'll never be. Stop.

No, you've got to, you've got to, uh, don't start running. You've got to fuck up your knees. You got to get involved in some kind of sport. Mm-hmm. You see fat people and they want to lose weight and they start running. It's like, this is, that's the worst thing you could do. Yeah, you're putting fucking destroy your knees. Oh, yeah. Eat healthy. Yeah. Cook every, thing you could do. You're putting fucking destroy your knees. Oh yeah.

Eat healthy. Cook every, just cook every meal. Do low impact fucking shit. Right a bike. Yeah, because you don't. You're gonna sideline yourself. You're gonna start. Yeah.

And you're gonna sideline yourself immediately. And then you're gonna have like a chronic fucked up thing later. And you're gonna eat. Because you're depressed, right? You're, you're yet another failure. Yeah. I think the whole, I think the running thing is really kind of on its way out as far as what's recommended for exercise.

Oh, really? Yeah, because it, because it fucking damages you. Yeah. During my grade school and middle school career, I was comfortable and kind of normal because I went to a private school and I had the same 26 people in class for nine years. Got to know them very well and could joke and talk to them easily. Then I migrated to a public school and immediately I was completely a social outcast. You know it's funny about school, not the rapes that happened in public school, which are

volume-in-us. Right. Volume-in-us. Um, is that adults, if you put them in a setting like in public school, which are all humanists, voluminous, is that adults, if you put them in a setting like in public school, they would have emotional meltdowns. Yeah. They would go totally insane with the anxiety that it caused in a full-grown adult. Yeah, they put these fucking uncooked heads in there.

And then they make them, they get out. Then they make them do work after, quote unquote, work. Yeah, they make them do work. Put in that fucking extra time. The groom get it right up and put it. Don't do that much work. You work like that for the company then. Yeah.

You almost look at work as like a relief. Oh, at least I don't have to work after work. Really? Sometimes you do. The whole system is just built as a model after the Prussian military academy to train you to be an obedient worker. It seems like it to me.

Get 100% is I started to find a few new friends that I talked to freshman year, but they all had clicks that were all friends. And they didn't seem interested in picking up another weird kid. I had relinquished to sitting alone on the lunchroom, I think probably not relinquished, sitting alone on the lunchroom floor for freshman year.

Because that's where I felt the safest and most comfortable. Well, okay, sitting alone on the floor. That's a sad picture. I mean, it's not you and it like, ah, it's kind of attention. I mean, sitting alone on the floor in a fucking cafeteria, who do you sit in a chair? I mean, I can remember the people in high school or even junior high who are like,

I always wanted to, you know, it's like, what's their story? Like, what's like, what's their story? Like, what's like, why, why do they always do that? I never ever ever ever ever. Do you like middle school? I just, my family moved. Oh yeah, yeah.

Move to seventh. We moved between sixth and seventh grade. I don't have that many friends in seventh grade. I think eight a lot, eight alone a lot. Oh. Then I met your brother in, like at the end, in eighth grade. Yeah. Yeah.

After freshman year, I started getting a few more friends and started sitting next to one or two lunches because they seemed like actually good friends who weren't fake. I was comfortable and started to get my life to actually be something like that. Then COVID hit. There's man, kids deserve reparations for COVID. Yeah. It's all the boobs that didn't get groped

and senior prom or whatever. All the fucking antics that didn't get to happen, all the socializing and the network effects that are gonna be felt for 50 years. They deserve, they need to purge. It should be, if you're under 20, today, you can do anything you want to anybody over 65, and it's legal.

You could take their house, any crimes, all crimes are legal today. We'll help us out too. People are there. There you go. Yeah. We'll help you out again. You get the miners to commit murder.

So go get them. Child'sologies. They grabbed my parents' house murder. So go get a child's soldiers. They grabbed my parents' house. They'll split it with the S. I'll give you some stuff. Right. I need some tricks, and don't worry about it. For COVID reparations.

Right. That February. So we had, so we had friends in high school in the COVID hit, but he could still, I mean, he could still talk to those friends on Zoom. Well, but I mean, it's a little weird though. But see, like, if it, yeah, but I mean, you know, but he has friends. It's not like if they go back, they're not going to, you know, they're like, oh, we don't know you.

I mean, what are you going to, it's a little, it's kind of presumptuous to call somebody on, like to be an online friend versus if you're stuck in school, that's one. That's like, hey, you want to get, I stuck in school, that's one stuff. You wanna get, I mean, no, that's like somebody at work going like, hey, you wanna go to a like a dodged game? Like, I don't know you there. I don't know about that. I don't know.

We joke around at work, but I'm not going in a date with you. Well, does he know him? Not well enough. I guess he's not weird anyway. And fat. Gotta lose weight, I'm just saying. Yes, do definitely do that. You have control over that.

You can't control how tall you are, but you can't, you know, then COVID hit. That February, everybody I knew kind of panicked and didn't know, didn't want to do anything. Yeah. And all their parents are probably pricks. Well, yeah. You want to go to my house now by my parents are pricks.

My parents are insane. Yeah. Well, socks, but what about now? They're fucking insane. What about now? Uh, I was alone again. Uh, in a home, only occupied by me and my brother who barely even talked. I started ignoring the friends I made in school and I focused on the two things that

seemed important to me. So he ignored them. Yeah. I got into gaming. Oh no. Mm-hmm. I started shutting down. That's bad for your weight and your social life. Yeah, I got into gaming. Oh no. I started shutting down.

Wait and your social life. This is bad. Video games are such a waste of time. I started shutting down to everyone I knew in the outside world and only talked to my family and the people I met online. Yeah. After around 10 months of isolating.

Well, yeah, so this is not good for his mental state, obviously. COVID did this. As it's not good for anybody's mental state. Outside world from everything besides work, I'd be going back to school. There's a lot different now because of the many mask restrictions and lockdown on students leaving the classroom. I never had any classes, any of my friends

that I had made in the previous year, so I continued to not talk to them. The only friend I managed to have was a gingerhead kid that was a bit on the spectrum. But one of the only people who consistently talked to me, it was pretty easy to hang out with, the three classes that we shared. Let me see, oh, he's got one more paragraph.

The series been going to shit, say the least. I'm still socially awkward outcast with only the ginger as my friend. I've only been hanging out occasionally because we both work a fuck ton and he gets really annoying after more than an hour with him. Oh, buddy, that's horrible. I have attempted to make more friends to no avail.

Seems like everyone is in a click or a cast and I'm not allowed anywhere near it. No, you got some other issues. Well, how much of that is in his head? All of it. That's what I mean. Oh, no, I can't. He probably even be using these words to describe people

as click and like thing. This is all stop, think, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop thinking in these words. I think he's talking himself out of a lot of stuff before he even, oh, well, I mean, they're already really tight friends so I could never. Yeah. It's like, it happens all the time.

Like if you, you talk to one of that, you're like, oh, one of those kids is in class, or you know, you just, man, you just like talk to people. You just, All friendships are based on a conspiracy. So, you're a conspiracy, they have with somebody. Oh, I get it. Yeah.

Yeah, I got you. Look at how fat this teacher is over here. What do you think about that? There you go. Now you're in a conspiracy. It's usually not how fat this is. We are a little different than this. Look at this.

Oh man, that would be cool. Man, that would just hide over there. Look at that. Yeah, what do you think about that? Ooh, I like that. All right, conspiracy. There we go. Check it out, I brought some fucking cookies in the class here.

Yeah. Oh, I mean, I'm gonna watch you. It. Um, everyone seems like there's a bit of a, I had a person today ask me why, what my name was, even though we've been in the same class for months. Did you? He's really hooked on that one. Did you tell them? Is there a way out of this absolute mess? No, it gets worse. I get really afraid of meeting new people and feeling like I'm annoying them because my past dealing, because my past dealing with my father. We just set it all right there.

But you got to kill your father. That's, here's the thing. That's the best thing you can do in life. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Nobody's your father. No, yeah, you know what I mean? The chances of you coming across your father in a perspective friend, because you're gonna look, you're gonna say come out.

Well, yes, but just if you, if you are going to turn into him, if you're not careful, I mean, if you're not okay, unless you're, unless you're aware of it. Just be a walking apology. Sorry, I'm being like, sorry, I'm being like my dad. Your tendencies, well, yeah, that'll be your knee jerk reaction for sure.

You will act like the people who you fucking saw, that was like who, who they were, that was adults growing up. But you will, the chances of you throwing a dart in a room and hitting your father are very low. So it's fortunately. Yeah. So you and you may seek that kind of shit out because they, you know, it's the it's the enemy you know. Well, I have good news for you. But it's like, dude, you can't your that's called projection. Yeah. I can say. Yeah. You're seeing your father

in all these prospective friends. And it's not, that's not him. Yeah, but I have good news. Everybody has issues with their dad and that is the most, that is the best thing you can bond with people over. That is true. Go, hey, anybody here with a shitty, especially women, whoa, anybody in here, some kind of unresolved issues with their dad? You want to want to send your breakfast club with me and smoke

clothes, right? And he brods, and he men want to admit to, I see all the ladies with the hands up with issues with the dad and either the guys want to go into the multipurpose room and watch breakfast club with me and these guys. Come on, doors open. Let's just say he's not the most understanding guy. I'm just lost and I don't wanna live in depression like this for the rest of my life.

Is there any advice you could get me? I'd really appreciate anything you'd offer either on. Start, lose weight. You gotta lose weight. Gotta lose weight. Yeah. For a number of reasons and your mental health. It gets harder.

Yeah, your mental health would be high on that list of reasons to do it. Yeah. Okay, I hope that was helpful. Everybody, this has been the Dix show, Patreon on Comptonites to Dix show. Let me see if anybody wanted to call in in here. Any of you Bozos wanna call in?

No? Okay, no. I'll do voice mail, so see you next Tuesday. Bob. Presenting. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Weed smiling and like look at this fucking job. Look at how happy we are. We sent this fucking guy to jail They're seriously less than a hundred bucks on that table. I think I counted three twenties

No, it's five or two. Hold on. Let me pull it up. I swear to God. There is less than a hundred dollars on that table. That is so fucking lame I know you're right. You're right. No, that's a Hamilton bro. Oh, yeah, that's a tenor 2020 50 50 what's the next one? Five five six seven eight nine 10 11 12 13 14 15. It's not even close. They got under 75 bucks. 17 18 19 20 21. Oh, wait, I've lost count. I think it was 171. Was that what it was? 71. Oh, 20. Oh, 21 for the for the ones. the ones god damn it then I think it was 176 I don't I can't remember what we won this is 55 I know 55 76 and then you saw her didn't yeah we're exactly 76 bucks. Yeah, yeah, you can't have 21 ones

I think yeah, you're right. Yeah, it's fucking pathetic Somebody got this lady out here. What's the fucking, like, I don't know, when I was in my day, like in an eighth fucking really, really primo shit with 60 bucks. I think it's about that. That's what it was when it was all illegal. Like, you want fucking really fucking,

I don't smoke weed. Yeah. Cause it makes me eat. It makes me so hungry. Yeah, well, no, it does. I wish there was a way. I wish if they came out with a strain of weed that did suppress appetite.

Oh, yeah. I would smoke it all day. Yeah, it's called cigarettes. Okay, let's do. It's true, huh? Here's man, New Zealand is fucked. This is their prime minister. Yeah, this is a real thing.

I think, remember to book your Christmas booster, each booster gives you up to six months worth of freedoms. What's the ask no, no jab, no job. They're paying their own, the government's funding, like a information, they're paying journalists to write correct information. Now Australia is totally fine. Is it New Zealand or Australia? That's New Zealand, I think, but they're both totally fine. Okay, that's just a funny joke You know I make here rage anytime someone from work can call you like any system that allow

Yeah, that's true in the middle of fucking working when you computer stops vaping Bing boom and someone's calling you and the desk fun stops vaping It's another person calling you big an email and somebody wants you to do something else other than the thing you were doing and calling you, they can email somebody once you do something else other than the thing you were doing. You know, the thing that gets you paid money is like, oh, you do this thing for me, just like the fact that, you know, you're not really working on this job and it just makes my life easier. I mean, fuck off. Sometimes I wish I could just live in a box, be a computer, and it's just me, in the

box with a computer. That'd be great. Yeah, computer. And this is me in the box with a computer. I do prison. For all the ass rape. Oh God, I would love prison. Like, you know, not in a bureaucracy that is having a job. Man, I call me back. All the, it's all the prisoners that call me back. That ruined prison. That's so funny to me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want I just get to go prisons great except for the prisoners probably god damn grim everything wrong with prison as a prisoners I want to go on a When patreon finally cancels my our account. Yeah, and And I go drive to the you know, do crimes

then I'm just gonna go on a steamship, on a cargo container, and live in a cargo box. Cool. And just go around like that, and I have nothing in there. Just sit there, not being bothered. I'll be so happy. I'll lay out, am I bringing a cushion or blanket or something? One.

Yeah, yeah. One. One. It's all you need. You're always gonna tying it back to the beginning of the show. I don't know if you do that on purpose. No, not really. Hey, dedication on. It makes me a fucking rage this week.

So it is currently the 8th of December. And Christmas music at work is what makes me a fucking rage. But it's not like you're working retail or restaurant or anywhere that you know, to play music over the speakers and we're on Christmas time to change it to Christmas music. No, I work in fucking warehousing and it's fucking woman that I work with brings a fucking Bluetooth speaker to work and to play fucking Christmas music. That could be heard across the entire fucking warehouse.

Amazing. If I wanted to fucking listen to Chris, it's not like he's inside the store. I would. I got out of retail. I got out of the service. She's bringing her own. The difference. Right.

To the way I checked. Just object everyone too. And now you're bringing it Yeah Straight to my fucking bitch. What the fuck are you doing? He needs some fucking There needs to be a forklift accident at this way. I don't need some earbuds or something.

But what do you think you got work where they zero cents? Yeah, I just want to say I'm shit. Go fuck yourself. How come there's no new Christmas songs? Now there is really Yeah, but Kelly Clarkson or something. I saw the same shit. I got my car stuff. How come there's no new Christmas songs? Now there is. Really? Yeah, but Kelly Clarkson or something.

Yeah, but that anybody really knows. Well, you gotta give it, I mean, I need to play on the little bit of, you have one month to pump your Christmas thing through. I think yes. I know people do Christmas albums, but it's usually covers of old songs. Oh, you want a new song.

Yeah. New compositions. I try to write one, I I wrote one I played for Christmas show Yeah, I can resurrect that I don't know I wasn't happy with it. Oh Okay, let's see this hey big hey Sean. I'm leaving my job right now So basically go do nothing because I've literally done nothing all day, and that's my rage is John's that are trying to justify working in office. Yes.

I got hired for this job a few months back. I love it. It's a good job, you know, but it's a hybrid thing, which means that, you know, part of part in person, part, uh, remote, remote work and everything, right? However, they have suspended, they said indefinitely, returned office, which means that you really want to work remotely, you're good to go. Well, I've been talking to an Andrew about this shit, you know, like, hey, shit's getting pretty expensive around me. You know, I might have to like move somewhere else for a bit, can I work remote, you know, the out of the out of the out of the out of the out of the out of the out of the out of the out of the out of the out of the out of the out of the out of the out of the out of the out. And they just say, like that's not that's not possible

we do need you to go in the office we do need you sometimes maybe there like three days of a week I'm not meeting any fucking clients there are no person meetings I'm doing there's no fucking reason to be in office right now other than to justify them renting out the fucking building. Yeah. This is me to fuck off. Yeah. Because like I have days like this where literally I have nothing to fucking do.

Yeah. I'm already on a head on my training. I've already done my performance reviews. There's no fucking tickets for me to work on. And there's like one other guy in the fucking office. So I'm fucking going home now. Just don't go in. Are you working? Are they in?

Yeah, they're in resource. I mean, they're not gonna just fire you. They'll give you a warning. How serious are they? Okay, if you can get this done remotely, so be it. If you want to be in the office, you're in the office. That's it. We're gonna be a fucking choice. Stop trying to force shit that doesn't fucking work. Go fuck yourself. Just don't go in. Well, okay, you guys wanna spend however much money it takes in time trying to replace me or,

yeah, because you're gonna have to explain, I mean, you're not like the king of the company here. Right. It's gonna be a big deal. You're gonna have to go cause all kinds of hassle. And you're gonna interview a lot of people who are like, oh wait, it's gonna be a big deal. You're gonna have to go cause all kinds of hassle. And you're gonna interview a lot of people who are like, oh wait, it's a hybrid. Like you're cutting off your kind of talent pool.

Everybody knows now that nobody needs to go into work. Well, that is one thing that it's definitely shown was even things where you would have thought it's, you know, my girlfriend's a graphic designer. Yeah. Motion graphics and everything. And like, they have been, they really were on it. They've been able to work on huge files

and designs efficiently from home the whole time. It's kind of amazing. I don't even know if they thought it would be that smooth. Yeah. There are very few hiccups. Yeah. You know what I mean, everybody knows. Yeah.

What are we gonna do with all these buildings? Yeah. We can't put homeless in them because we like, because we hate them. Because we want them to live. Try some real estate, well, yeah. Yeah, what's gonna happen there? I have a Evergrande here.

Yeah, but people will cave, right? People will, people will always cave. They'll always cave, the boss is like, I'm gonna need you to come back and do the office. I know you hate driving, cause you like an hour every day, but it's gonna need you to come in, because we like having this building with our name on it.

I hope people don't, but I assume they will. There we go. Yeah, Dick, the early life thing that the guy was talking about last week, that's how you find out if the more subversive elements of society are Jewish because it always has a number of p.a. page. Really life.

Oh, okay. So, also racist fortune users also refer to as, uh, Rashida Jones is a quadruon. No, there's a quarter block. Not half. Oh, really? Which is why my racist deck has no problem, will there? Oh, she's a quarter black. Is Quincey Jones.

Is Quincey Jones mixed? So that's really his daughter. Rashida Jones. That bitch, son. Quincey Jones half black. Well, no, no, no, no, no. The mother would be mixed. No, he has, they have Quincey Jones's DNA on here. What the fuck is that?

His DNA revealed that he's mostly African, but he is 34% European ancestry on both sides. Oh, I'm so sick of everybody's race. Well, and I guess the, you know, if he's black, then the mother could be mixed, you know, I mean, that would get right. Yeah. Occasion and, and black, then, then that would end up her being really interested in the race. I mean, mix of Rashida Jones.

That's what I want. Yeah. Wait a, wait a take the romance out of it, buddy. I really, We all want to know what race exactly Rashida Jones is, okay? Yeah. Cause it's as close as we can get to having sex with her. Right.

What was the first thing he referenced? Early life. Yeah. What's up? Yeah. I pulled up that conspiracy chart that that idiot wrote last week. Oh, yeah. An early life was anti-Semitic.

Cause I didn't know what the fuck early life was. Yeah, I did. I guess he's saying it. And if you go find find people and click on their Wikipedia, it says early life that they're Jewish. That's why it's anti-Semitic. That's why, okay. Okay. So it's... That's why it's anti-Semitic, because they all are Jewish.

That's why things are... Is that why, like, saying that's an explanation for why they're ranking certain things so high? No. I don't know. It's just like people doing things, and then they'll, so we'll go to his Wikipedia and he's Jewish. Okay. So that's anti-Semitic, because they're pointing it out. Because in their mind, right?

I'm lost. I stop caring. Yeah. Okay. Here's something about Iraq. Hey, Dick. What's up? So this is a rage.

This is not a comedy bit. This is just a genuine question. You know how you have that snitches get stitches at a point, which is something like I totally agree with. I just say don'ts. Don't talk to the place. Like how far do you take that? Because I was reading recently about this incident where in the Iraq war, there was the three military officers that, you know, raped and murdered, raped a 14-year-old and murdered her entire family. This is not a comedy, you know play a bit, do you say? The only reason I got found out about it was because one of the military officers heard about it.

Yeah. While everyone else covered it up. Well, this is what the cops do. The only one that reported it. Cover it, cover it up. Yeah, they don't police for it. Don't tell them because they're doing all the bad stuff. That's the point. The thing, but Jesus, that something like that,

yeah, the Taliban stopped that by the way. So, so, so, all the rapes that were happening, like how far do you take that principle? Not funny, you can probably skip this if you want, but whatever. I swear to God, if Osama bin Laden had just said, if he had just said the day before, the day I've looked,

it's the military and the bankers in America that we hate. It's not you guys could have saved us so much, so much pain in the ass. If we had had Twitter on 9-11, 2000, fun, and Osama bin Laden just tweeted, hey, what's up guys, just wanna let you know that this is about the military and your banking system, which is fucked and is causing a lot of death

and harm to people. We would not, we wouldn't have the TSA, we'd have the Patriot Act, we'd be like, oh, oh, really? That's what that, oh, okay, well, as long as you're not after me, something tells me the government would use it to go after you anyway.

Yeah, but I would have seen his tweets, like, no, he said it's not about me. He said it's about the, you guys. Hashtag, you guys. Not all Americans. Well, yeah, it's like, don't snitch on things that aren't, there's so many laws that are just not violent crimes. Yeah, there's like violence is bad. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's it.

Dude, it's, right. Report violence, but if it's not violent, then yeah, what the, what are you doing? It's again, he's thinking it's not an all or nothing thing. Like, how far do you say? Depends on the fucking act. Yeah. Depends on what it is. And who you're reporting it to?

Comments of, common sense. The army's raping a bunch of little boys. I don't know who to report that to. Common sense of thing. Yeah. Yeah. So there you have it. I'm not snitching on somebody for,

it's like if I don't have a better solution than what they're doing. And I'm like, well, I mean, I don't, oh, I see something bad's happening. Well, are you gonna like, are you gonna help out? With that? No. Well, then you gonna like, are you gonna help out with that? No. Well, then you have no right to snitch on them.

Somebody's getting murdered. Yeah, yeah, I would like to help. I don't want to personally help, but I'll pay other guys to come here and help. Right. I mean, if I had to concentrate on things like that. So then I knew, and I liked getting murdered, I might do something. Right. You know, if I had to concentrate on things like that, and then I knew, and then I liked getting murdered, I might do something.

Right. You know, if I could spin it into publicity or cloud for the show, yes, then definitely. Well, you always got to be thinking that way. So it's, okay, here we go. Hey, great case on. Yo, go miss from the California Bay area here. What's up, Gomez?

You know, it makes you a rage kind of funny is There they go again. I got into my car today and the wife's been driving it for a couple weeks Mm-hmm, and there's 648.2 Water bottles empty half quarter They do that too probably just flushin around I'm not sure if it's something important and I look down and it's just fucking water bottles. It's women in water. Anyways. Finish one.

I'll be for rage for you as they all should be. Go fuck yourself. Yeah. You know what? Finish one before, you know with women? Open another. They take all, like the diet co-cans, they have lady diet co-cans, they're tiny. Oh, yeah, I've seen those.

You see what they're doing? And they have a little tiny baby water bottles for ladies. Yeah, they're shrinking them a little bit every year. Yeah, they are. So that pretty soon, they're just gonna have a, just the top will be right on top. That'll be a diet coke for ladies. Yeah.

And it'll fit in the palm of your hand like a pog. Mm-hmm. And I'll have one sip of, they'll have one drop, they'll have like one centiliter of soda in there. And they'll drink half of it and then put it back in the fridge. Yeah.

Oh, too much. Yeah. But it never happens with food. It's only with stuff that they're drinking that is too much. Lady will get a bottle of water, break the cap. Oh, that's so, oh, I'm so, yeah. I got a pee just pour it in the cap.

Yeah, like a hummingbird. Ooh, that's plenty of water for me. Oh yeah. But then unlimited chips, if hot chips, if you could back a dump truck up to a lady's house. Eat hot chips and they'll just open their mouth like a cartoon and dump. Eat hot chips. And they'll just open their mouth like a cartoon. Ah, and jump all the hot chips, not enough.

And then they'll have one more little sip of that water bottle and leave it open. And then they'll have to pee seven times in the next nine minutes. Ha, ha, ha. Raj, Rajveer says, Dix thoughts get more retarded by the day. What the fuck?

But it's entertaining, right? What do you mean in my thoughts get more retarded by the day. What the fuck? But it's entertaining, right? What do you mean in my thoughts get more retarded by the day? What the fuck are you talking about? Okay, here's something about Mayo monkeys. No, here's Sean Fishingline's story. Hey, Dick, listening to Sean's story about the fishing line made me remember

that when we were kids, we used to stay on either side, two of us would stay on either side of a road, and we pretend to pull back an invisible line. I've seen that. Some people stop. I'm amazed. That's funny. There wasn't some asshole having a bad day that didn't just run us over. That's a pretty good joke though.

Yeah. I could see people being pissed off at you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And you would have deserved it. Oh, that was a terrible thing to do. You have no, you know, that, you know, no value of like, I think I just got to spend a bunch of money to get that shit fixed.

Oh, no, it was a fucking terrible thing to do. That's it. You're going to get brains not to know what I have to do to fix this fucking ding. And it's never going to be the same. Yeah, you're brain, you know, you're brain. It's the whole consequences thing. That's not really a thing when you're, when you 14 15 but yeah that's a funny joke what he said yeah not like yours no mine was not funny yours is a crime yes hey dick I have a rage it's women

in their finances oh so I have a girlfriend you're gonna make a lot of money and we're gonna be getting a place to go to uh... send forty dollars for the background check in the application to the landlord and she messages oh i can't do it until payday i only have twenty dollars of my account okay which i know she had money very small amount of like that of dollars Oh, I can't do it until payday. I only have $20 of my account. Okay. Which I know she has money. Very small amount of money.

I like that $1.00. So she could just move it over, pay it, because, you know, this is a court. It's got it saving as a con. Whatever, though, so I'm like, okay. I'll talk to her when I, you know, get off work. But then, she sends me something while I'm working that she's at ross buying kitchens supplies how the fuck are you at ross buying kitchens the five supply doesn't need to be admit the app was going to carry out in for forty

dollars what what's going on with that what are you doing with your money and how are you prioritize not anyway uh... yes that's that and uh And thank you guys for the show. It's a good amount of catharsis on days like this where I'm stressed out and pissed off. So go fuck the guys.

Cool. Honey, we got to get that place together. I don't want to live with you, but I think you're going to break up with me if we don't move in together soon. Fucking hilarious. So can you pay the, can you pay the like the credit check for 20 bucks? Yeah. On the thing.

No, I don't get paid. My direct deposit doesn't go into my account until Friday. So I'll wait till then. Uh, okay. Hey, do you want to pick you up anything at Ross? Well, go shop for more clothes that I don't try on, because that's like my thing. So I take him home and then have to return them later, perpetuating a cycle of shopping. Instead of just going to sappos like everybody else.

Yeah, try them on Sinabek. Yeah. I like going there. I like seeing other ladies are shopping for, I like seeing what they have in. Maybe scroll left a, an entire bag of clothes at Target that she bought yesterday. Oh really? You have to go back. She had to go back.

Yeah. She set an alarm to wake up when the store opened so she could be in there at the moment that the store opened. So somebody could help her to get her clothes? Oh yeah, somebody put those in there. And then she gets them back. She says, you know what? I don't like any of these.

None of them fit. Yeah. Or an adventure. Mm-hmm. I'm thanks for telling me. Oh. All the steps of what? The steps.

Exactly. And then what? Yeah. And then what happened then? Right. Girl. Really? Yeah. And then what happened then? Right. Girl. Really?

None of them fit? Can I see you? No. It's too much. And then what? How much reinforcement is in that bikini? Sean, there's got to be a new name for it, right? Because that is a different sort of strap.

The things are, they're crisscrossed like a radio tower. Yeah, like the structure. Like the fucking, the, the, the Eiffel tower's got some of that, right? Yeah. Okay. Uh, rice. Oh, man, you know what, make me raise, dick and Sean. Yeah.

Yeah. Where else is there? I'm right. Um. Rice bags. Okay. Bags of rice. Now, obviously the plastic ones, the basic ones are good. But sometimes, if you get to get like, bad natty rice or something. Yes. Yeah. You got to get anything with like, Taj Mahal, like imagery on it, like an elephant or some shit on it. Yeah, Jasmine. Yeah.

This is the cloth bag. Cosmodding, Jasmine. The line soared onto it, I think I figured it out once in my entire life. You just got a couple of red bags. That's the gargling bag. Rocks or something. I got this.

It's a pretty hoarse one. The rubber. And it was like a lot of light. Yeah. It was sweet and great. It's very impressive. lot of it. Yeah, it was a sweet and grand prize call. Like, yeah, like a zipper, like a Ziploc, because it's for the anyways, it's fucked,

it doesn't even work. And then the bag before this, I had to, I had to trans, a transplant out on the board is transfer into another like a tupperware bin because it sounds like a story for my grandson. I don't know, or maybe girl. I don't know. Or made plastic out of shit. Uh, some fancy athletic and it just it just stats when moving the bag in a

weird way. It made a huge hole. Freaking me out weird like. Is it rice? Just rice? It's like, he was some shit some hippie food. Funny. The fancy ass shit, you know what I mean? I don't understand, but this is right That why isn't it happening so complicated? Anyway, you know it annoys me most about the diary cake. I didn't have any of it I wanted to at least have a taste because I knew his bullshit

I know they're just making a regular cake and selling it to idiots. Did it look like cake? Was it thick? It looked like a frost, looking on it. It looked like a flower cake, but I didn't get to touch any of it. I wanted to have a piece, but all the goddamn dogs ate it. I wonder if it's stuff that they put in. It doesn't smell good as poo.

Dog food like a chickpea flower, and stuff that is normally in dog food. To make it. That's a woman run business. Yeah. It's set on Yelp. Woman owned business. They have that stamp. Yeah.

So, who knows? Yeah. Could be just stuff they found. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Can't goodbye. See ya, thank you. you