The Dick Show - Episode 291 - Dick on The Dry T-Shirt Contest

Episode Date: January 11, 2022

A guy leaves me a passive aggressive review on AirBnb, Ralph and I get ejected from Binions and other Vegas stories, a dry t-shirt contest, gambling while infected and drunk, shopping in the Metaverse is a joke, putting kids in the trunk, Crippled Jesus is unvaccinated, the rise of the "mom bod", good thunder thighs, and the millennial 41; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Apparently, my girlfriend has the same nerf gun that you got hit in the eye with. Oh, really? Yeah, well, she had it, they finally let them in to clean out their offices for the time being. She had that thing. Is it a revolver? Or not a revolver. Is it like a Tommy gun?

Pro, no, it's like an assault rifle. This one is, this one set up like a Tommy gun and it fires those fucking darts. And if yours was anything like this one, I'm surprised your eye is still round. I was like, I can't believe they make this. I couldn't believe it either. As I was on the ground, I'm like,

they have warnings should have been bigger in the box than what it is. As I was on the ground, I'm like, they have warnings should have been bigger in the box than what it is. This is incredibly painful. Because everything's nerfed today, except for nerf, apparently, except for nerf. Yeah. So the difference, the my gun, the differences, it has a plus sign on the ass end of the arrow. Oh. Because the old nerf guns had circles because they were like plunger based. They were like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know why they changed you, but these ones have a sturdier butt to apply the force to. Oh, are they still phone? That's what I know. Are they phomer rubber? I don't know. At what point phome becomes rubber, but it's, they've, they're

finding that point like high density. Yeah, it's like if you packed if you used the darts as packing peanuts, your thing would break Awesome, right? Yeah, no, it's not soft by any means And the tips got a fucking mouse ball on the tip. Oh, not a suction cup mouse ball on the tip. Oh, not a suction cup. Right. These have suction cups because they're ostensibly for shooting at windows, which they're not really,

but if you shot a window with one of these, it would break. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So it's only made for pain. Right. Nurse made for pain. Made for pain.

It's great. Nurse, the only company that's improving their product. Well, in this day, everybody else is ruining their product. Saga Rets, Wors, alcohol adding, alcohol arresting pouring devices and the tip to pry out a wrench when you get it. Your pliers. I forgot to tell you this. What?

A couple of weeks ago when I was coming to the show, I walked past, you know, I walked through your front yard and I glanced over at your truck. Yeah. And I looked through the window and there's, in the cup holder. Where are you supposed to keep it? The shit my cup holder in the door is full.

I'm only got that cup. I'm running out of cup holders here. Just phenomenal. Absolutely fucking phenomenal. My recycling bin has like a fourth of the lid missing. They've chipped it or something. Yeah. When they were doing the trash, the trash guys.

So I can just sit in my car and roll the window down and throw the bottles into the top, into the hole, and the top of my recycling. Good. Go ahead. I still couldn't get it in my face. It's just perfect. Oh my God. That's a picture's worth a thousand words, right?

Sean, I know I'm gonna be spedding rumors like this. Okay, let's start the nominal. It's a leading game. Ha, ha, ha. Oh. It's a leading game. It feels like we're still in Christmas time. You and me, maybe. Uh,

a-ya! How come it is? You want it? You need it. You got us the show. We're up in the contest giving you a lot of room. I'm bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure. I'm your house, Dick Maser, an AK, the $20 million man, training me remotely in a COVID free location.

It's world touring LA based comedian, Sean, the audio engineer. Hello, dick. What's up, buddy? I hate these remote. You know that I hate these remote episodes. Yes, I need to, I need to feel the con that I'm weaving in real time from you.

Yes, and the millions. And the millions. I need to, at least we can see each other though. I know, I need the real, I'm gonna just put the sex doll in your seat this time so I'm getting mistaken and think there's an actual audience here to perform for. Hey everybody, sorry, I missed last week because of COVID again, COVID's revenge.

This time it's personal. This one was embarrassing because I thought that I was the one that was totally immune, And COVID's revenge, this time it's personal. This one was embarrassing because I thought that I was the one that was totally immune, you know, with my natural immunity. Yeah. But now I'm never going to convince everyone that natural immunity is a thing now that I got it twice and I'm the only one. Well, I mean, look, I mean, vaccinated people are getting it too.

I mean, it's changed enough to where, and you know, the immunity doesn't last forever. So it's, I mean, you can even OG COVID, some people got twice, especially if they had a real mild case the first time. Yeah, that's not gonna win an argument though. What I mean, no, it is a shame. What I need is somebody who's vaccinated to drop dead right in front of me and my family,

so I can say, ha, there you go. But this is the opposite. This is the worst. You should probably do some more traveling. Maybe that'll happen. You got to see a lot of people. You could get it the third time, but you could also see someone vaccinated drop dead right in front of you and be right.

So Vegas, Vegas New Year's was amazing. We went to a rave New Year's night and partied with Ralph on New Year's was amazing. We went to a rave, New Year's night, and party with Ralph on New Year's. We got kicked out of Binions, Ralph and I did for- How do you get- that Binions is like the shithole of fucking Freemont Street. I know, it's my favorite hotel too. Like it's been my favorite since I was in college. I always go there for the old world charm opinions as it's been eviscerated and like as the entire experience of Vegas has been commodified and turned

into like a Disney eyes. So we're a great example of that. We're walking up and down Fremont Street. I'm just totally ripped on acid because I want to recreate the, I want to do like, all right, let's do fear and low things. Get ripped on acid and do the, do the casinos in order that they did. As your lawyer, I advise you to. Yeah, exactly. We called up Ralph's lawyer. Can you just pretend to be our lawyer? Yeah. A couple of them call. I called up Keon. Hey, can you, I know you bailed on this.

So here's the worst part of the trip, because I got COVID, everybody is like, well, good thing I didn't go. Like all you motherfuckers are, you guys are gonna get sick again. Like you realize that, right? If you do, you're going to get sick for once again in your miserable life, even if I have to bring you a fucking petri dish full of influenza into your convalescence home

when you're 70 and you've never done anything for the rest of your life post pandemic. You're going to get sick again. You get that right. You're fucking vaccinated. You're 35, whatever. You know you're going to get something again, right? If you can't avoid it, fucking forever.

You're too much of a scumbag to stay in minions. That's what I can't get past. So we go into minions and like, all right, let's kick it off. The mint hotel where they go first and fear the other thing. They changed the name to minions a long time ago because the mint was so, I don't know why, it's better name. So we got a minions and we're basically not doing anything. We go to the sports book and they have the sports book

set up like a penal colony, like a six of the high tables, the uncomfortable tables that's like brushed steel, brushed stainless steel, so it can't be tagged, or like, you know, you can't, if you look down in it, you just see like a blob, like a nightmare staring back at you. You know the kind of, I'm talking about, you know, a panel colony tables,

and there's got one seat at each of them. I'm like, all right. Move these tables together. Let's have a, let's have a good time here. This could be Ralph's last weekend before he goes on trial for his crimes against humanity Move them we move them together and it's like it's like within It's like within seconds that they send down the security people to start hassling us and kicking us out and this is

I mean last time I went to Vegas. I was complaining about but but somehow they've made it even worse. Dude, they have, if you're at the table, not only do they have a bubble of lucite between you and the dealer, you gotta wear two masks at all times, you can't hear anybody. Like if you woo, if you woo to celebrate, you can barely hear yourself cheer. You can't hear anybody else at the table.

Not only can you not smoke at the table, but the people watching you, like your crowd of people also cannot smoke while watching you play and has to have their mass stuff at all times between drinks, like between puffs and between drinks are all going around. What's shocking about it is that the, I hate it, all bullshit, like all the sudden, if you've ever tipped a

dealer, then you deserve to burn in hell because they've all shown their true colors now during the pandemic by becoming, by becoming just complete nightmares. It feels like being in a Vietnam POW camp sitting down and I said, get him out. Put your mask on. Okay. Fuck. But the play, Ruhlut. The high running of it is you've got a city that is based entirely on like, on harm.

Like only like 4% of the gambling revenue that Vegas makes comes in from people playing like responsibly. Oh, yeah. Like for degenerate gamblers and like addictive addict behavior. Yeah, this whole city is just like a gigantic heroin needle that never stops and you like you have act people actively pushing you to harm yourself and your family and you have people actively pushing you to harm yourself and your family. And you're going to sit here and tell me that this mask shit is, you're going to pretend to be concerned for anybody's health.

It's so bizarre and sick. Why don't they have, why don't they have, why don't they have breathalyzers at the table? Then now that you've ruined gambling for me, I would like to ruin it for everybody. That's what I'm saying. Why don't you have, why don't they have breathalyzers at the table? Then now that you've ruined gambling for me, I would like to ruin it for everybody. That's what I'm saying. Why don't you have somebody coming through and breathalizing everybody at the table on the hour since you're doing all three drinks.

Yeah, let's get some fuck Vegas gambling laws going now. Now that you can't go there to have fun anymore, why not? What are we doing? Why not? We got only coffee right now. No, you are sick. I am very sick. Um, it's, and the worst part is, oh, I'm glad it didn't veto. Oh, I'm glad I didn't go to Vegas. What do you mean? You're gonna get sick again, you fuck. Oh, yeah, we go to this club in Vegas. Here's another scam that they're pulling. This dance club, right?

Yeah. We had our New Year's rave, which was fun because it was Burning Man. For some reason, guys, don't straight men don't know about that environment yet. I don't know why it's a turn off to them. What, burning them? Yeah, like the, like the rave culture. Maybe there's too much dancing or too much gay stuff, makes them uncomfortable. Whatever it is, keep doing it because the worst thing when you're out is a bunch of straight guys roving around like gangs of date rapists. That's really true. It's 100% true because they get all amped

up. There's no girls. So either they start doing like, man dances with each other, where they get together in a big group and like start hooting like they're at an Arseneo Hall show. Like, and like pretending that they're having a good time, or they just start lurking around and I fucking, anything that, anything with hair longer than their shoulders

that so much as looks their way. It's an entire pack of alpha males. They're all alpha males. All butt fucking each other by the end of the night. Yeah. So, and this is a classic Vegas style. They put on some stupid DJ that I've never heard of. Like, come here, come to this club, right?

Big club, okay. And they let in a ratio of men to women of like 99 to one. It's like going to the smurf village if it was set in Armenia. No, it's a fucking nightmare. And these guys, all of these guys are waiting in line, seeing only other men in line waiting, going into a club that it feels like a concentration camp with a drop base, right? Like it's all the beat is pounding, but you're like being hurted toward the bar, like temple grand and set it up

to get straight men, as to get straight men to max out their drink spend for the night, not get drunk, because you're getting like two drinks out of that and dropping $70. And then walk back out the other way. It's so fucking of all the predatory things, I'm anti Vegas now because they, because they dared pretend for a second that they're worried about health when the entire city is only meant to cause harm. It's outrageous. Then these guys were all looking at each other

like they're having a great time. Like, are you not fucking having a good time here buddy? What do you talk? What are you talking? What are you doing? You're thinking so, girl, bro. Yeah, bro. I think it was just, that was just a poster. Yeah.

No wall. Well, then we went, we left there and went up to this starlight lounge and saw Katy Perry. Really? You mean, a Katy Perry show? No. The Katy Perry. Yeah. Yeah. And you're not going to believe this.

No, we believe this, but I recognize her by her tits. Really? Yeah. We were all, me and Ralph and 80's girl were sitting up at the top of, I forget, with the Starlight lounge, it, I don't know what place it was. Some red hotel, it felt like China. One of the new ones. And this girl, there's a little entourage happening,

an entourage situation happening at the other end of the lounge. And they get up to leave and they walk by and they kind of pause. I think they pause there because Katie thought I was Russell Brand. And she was getting over there. There you go. I think that's what happened, but I was only looking at her tits the whole time.

I didn't look at her face at all. Anyone who says, I am, is a liar. That I did, is a liar. And I recognized right from her tits, and I felt Ralph and 80s girl about to say something. I said, that was Katie Perry, wasn't it? And I'm like, yeah, we were just about to think that. I said, you know what, 100% recognize her by her tits and I felt Ralph and 80s girl about to say something I said that was Katie Perry wasn't it. And I'm like, yeah, we were just about to think that I said, you know what? I 100% recognized her by her tits. I believe you. Isn't that amazing? Have you ever heard, have you ever heard a story like that? No.

How was your new years? Did you get COVID? No, as far as I know, I did not get COVID. No, as far as I know, I did not get COVID. Um, bummer. Yeah, yeah, you got it. Feel left out. You should have got it. I got this sweet, sweet Omicron. Sean, I got this sweet Omicron. That's a hot, that's the hot stuff. Well, that's the, yeah, you're at the cutting edge. Yeah, man, that's the new, that's the new shit.

That's the new straight Omicron. Oh, definitely not late on that one. I was out for two days, just out. Just out out. Yeah, somebody unpacked on my bags and washed on my clothes and put my suit away and stuff. It was great. Nice.

Missed two whole days on that one. Clean the beer bottles out of your truck. I'll tell people that I have empty beer bottles. In my truck, come on. I just laughed. I get looks at Pilates for those. Oh really? Yeah.

You give me the beer bottles you bring into Pilates. Yeah. They look at you a little funny. Picking around. Nice. Oh man, you smell like beer. Oh yeah, I have this open beer here.

Maybe that's fine. I can't believe we got kicked out of minions. Right? Did you say how you got kicked out of minions? Honestly, I don't know. We put the tables together or something. I put the tables together. Yeah, because it's like a prison release program

they got there. Like you're just one table, one high table, and one high chair, and then they got the guy running the book, the sports book, who I swear to God, who looks like the crypt keeper from Tales from the Courage. Yeah, like sick, like Chris Elliott from Scary Movie, looking like sick, like the Casino is diseased. Like this is the heart of it.

That's what fun, what fun, I'll get a little ripped on some acid. It won't go kind of to the place where fear and loathing started where they're acting like assholes. Nothing could possibly go wrong in this situation. Should I be wearing like a lizard tail or anything? We were wearing, you know, I have tried so hard to find where to get that lizard tail. Yeah.

But I think it's got to be like a custom thing. Every time I look, I end up with some furry, like porno. A damn website. Fool me 23 times. I don't know why we got kicked out. We moved all the tables together. And then this guy came over and started fucking with us. So I was fucking with him, having some commentary on his life.

And then the next thing you know, all the security guys, I guess they heard from Benion himself, fucking Chester Benion said, we gotta get these guys out of here. They're pushing tables together. Ted Benion airing on. Think he got murdered, right? Who?

Like the son, Ted Benion. Oh, that's a guy. Yeah, yeah, Benion's the last name. Oh, that's a guy. Yeah, yeah. Binions the last name. Oh, I see. I didn't know that. Well, maybe they'll rename it to the mint. I hate Binions now.

Okay, here's something that makes me rage. Airbnb. Do you do a lot of Airbnb, Sean? Not a lot, but yes, I have done that. Not a lot. You familiar with how they work. Somebody rents. This company lets you run a standard prison experiment using your empty house.

That's what Airbnb is. Got it. It's a global experiment to see how much annoyance you'll tolerate instead of going to a hotel from other people or what people are capable of screwing somebody else over. That's what Airbnb is. They've got this thing in Airbnb where you don't get to see your review until you review the other guy. Oh.

So it's like a Dead Man's review. Got it. Like if you, you know what I see? Because the review kind of keeps people honest. Yeah. Like you're not gonna run your mouth knowing that they have a chance to fuck over your review, right? Yeah, they get the bottom of the ninth.

Yeah, which is kind of pretty honest. Yeah. You know? So if you,, if they're going to see your review before they review, you better not fuck around. Right. Right. That's the way it should be. Like real life where if you're like running your mouth, then they're going to go, oh, you're fucking running your mouth. Actually, I have a number of problems with you as well. Well, then so can you respond to that? Well, you can only respond on your own profile.

So, what it's set up, the way it's set up, it's a, you don't get to see anything that they set about you until you give your review. Yeah, yeah. So I get the email that says, hey, hey, that big house that you rented for everybody and then they flake. So you're stuck with the bill.

The guy, the guy who rented it wrote you a review. Do you want to write him a review so you could see it? And say, okay, well, yeah, mental inventory of what you and again, to went on there. Yeah, okay, okay mental inventory of what you're in against when on there. Yeah, okay, okay, I don't think. You know, usually you just go in and leave and then they charge you some up your ass cleaning bill.

So it's not like you can break anything. So this guy, keep in mind, this guy had a spa. A spa in his big house, he had a spa on a pool. They said, if you want the spa heated, you got to pay an extra 125 bucks or something like that. I said, okay, I'm paying extra 125 bucks just in case, right? Right. You don't want to be back at home

and every stripper in the place came back with you and you're there, the saying, how's this spa doing? You don't want to say, you don't want to come in cold water. Yeah, you don't. Yeah, you got it. By the way, there's a bonus episode of a Patreon.com slash the Dixiel, which I didn't get to plug last week, which I would have liked to, but Go there five bucks. The last 10 minutes of that bonus episode is maybe the funniest

Maybe one of the funniest if any bonus episodes we've ever done. Absolutely true So the guy charges you 125 bucks me to heat the spa Like okay, think nothing of it. And then we check in, he's got the standard, he sends the standard nine page check in dossier, like as though this is your first time ever staying in a house before. Yeah, right.

Right, like here's the, oh, this is the log box and don't touch the heater, whatever you do, don't touch the heater. And he's got about two pages with a spa, like this is very meticulously set up like, okay, bro, I get it. I fucking get it. And you should not be doing an Airbnb if you're that crazy about don't touch the heater. Who the fuck's gonna, yeah, who's gonna, number one, who's gonna read this? You think somebody that's just going around fucking touching buttons and twisting, tweaking dials

like they're in a strip club is gonna be reading this dossier for how to take care of your precious heater. It's not gonna help you. God. So I knew something, I knew something was up then, but didn't think anything of it. Never touched the spa, ranked as we're out having a good time meeting

Katie Peres tits, dancing around with a bunch of Armenian men. Never touched a spa. I'm getting told not to smoke at casinos and that our presence is not welcome in minions because we're being too wild. Never touched a spa one time. So I give my review of the guy on Airbnb,

hey, great host, great house, period, submit, right? Mm-hmm. Here's what I get from the fucking guy. Oh my uh Dicken is Dicken friends seem to be generally a decent good group of gentlemen right good start right seemingly. Seemed. Seemed. Tavia generally to be generally a decent good group of gentlemen. Okay. Mm. Better watch it.

You better watch out with that. Our post stay inspection did, however, determine that in spite of our standard message request and warning dot, dot, dot, the pool slash spa heating control panel had been accessed. Oh god. He's like some autistic guy. God.

It's like we fucked his train set or something. Whatever he put like a human hair on the fucking, you know, on the little latch. So it's like just lock it. It's not there. If you have such a problem with this, put a little, they all have little holes that you could put a fucking master lock on. And I specifically asked and laid out in no shortage of details on page 37 subset A. And I see this right after I said, oh, great host, great house, right? And

then I hit enter and I see a giant paragraph. I think God damn it. Yeah. Uh, their graphs are never good. No, great. Uh, the graph is never good. No, great. That was just complaint though, that just, No, it goes out there, I'm not even halfway through. Oh, right. The pool spa heating control panel had been accessed and spa settings changed during their stay

which depleted an excessive amount of gas supply and leaving our tank empty, very costly exclamation point. Oh God. This will reinforce our business decision to close our house and not accept bookings during the months of October through January. Ha ha ha. You fucking just took half his business away.

This is my review on my profile. He's talking about his business decision of shutting his stupid house down. Oh my God. What do you mean gas, is he on like propane or something? Is this like, I guess? Yeah. Uh, just can't seem to get guests to read, accept,

and follow the use instructions and house rules. Oh well, that's the business, I guess. Oh my God. What a fucking lunatic. What a weirdo. What did you, what did you do? You're like, yeah, I would like to, no, I would like to boil myself alive. I'm going to turn this up as high as possible.

I mean, I'll take the fucking, the third degree burns, you know, as long as I can, yeah, long as I can, that's my, that's fucking gas. I get my core temperature up to 105 when the body starts processing carbs to like keep your systems alive And then I just sitting at all day and drink So what I love here is that He he's come back to his house and the propane tank is empty Yeah, and he immediately assumes that we did it. And not like you left your house with your house had an empty propane tank and none of the shit worked the whole time.

Yeah, is he checking the fucking meter every? I don't know. I don't know what sort of technology this dude has. How much could that have used for fucking it was a it was a spa or a pool spa you got for baddies heating the any said before we got there I hope the spa heaters on I hope it gets warm in this cold climate and that made me that made me go yep because no no no no but you the spa gets hot you just have to start heating it hours before. Yes.

Like, it's not, don't fucking, don't play me. Like, I don't know how a spa works. Like the spa's working fucking aspen, dude. Yes. This is just that, you're in the desert here. I'm from LA. What do you think? You're on Mars.

You got to explain to me the workings of your special micro climate out here. It's like 20 degrees colder here than it is where I've spent my entire life. So you just spend that much longer heating the spy. You'd cheap fuck. Yeah, that tells me exactly. That tells me if he doesn't even want to turn it up

to like, you know, a reasonable, it's like, oh, exactly. We'll set it for like 96. Yeah, I'm a six. I got it starting at like seven oh, exactly. We'll set it for like 96. Yeah. Oh, six. I got it starting at like seven p.m. So it should be good by one in the morning, man. It's cool, right? Right, right.

Sorry, I wrote back of it, you know. Fuck you, fuck you. You have a black job and a liar. We didn't touch your spot control. Blah, blah, blah,'t touch your spot control. Blah blah blah blah. Yeah, anyway. Now, yeah. Good times.

Good times. Good times. I get that every time I go to Airbnb, I get that. Like a passive aggressive fucking lunatic airing their grievances in my reviews. I don't know why. I'm like, dude, I just stately just used it as like a closet into shower and then go out again. I know.

Why are you doing this to me? Are you taking pot shots in the dark at me? Fucking stop. Well, it's funny because we've done Airbnb for the shows, the live shows, a number of times, and nobody ever spends any time there. I know. They're crazy. And they don't even leave you like cups and shit to use.

Like it's like, you're lucky if you get a tupperware to drink some milk out of or something in the morning. Right. They leave the toilet seats up. I know they do. Let's see what else I got here. Oh, the Metaverse shopping. Sean, you want to go shopping in the Metaverse?

Well, you know I do. My favorite thing. You know what my girlfriend says to me? What's that? Here, this is another fucking trip rage. We both forgot our toothbrushes because we're the kind of couple that tries to like Use the other person's stuff. I see. So it's like, are you bringing toothpaste?

Like why are you asking me that? So you don't have to bring you know that? Yeah, well, I except for I know that my girlfriend will pack every fucking thing she needs and every fucking thing she doesn't need So I am my mind is free and clear when we go on trips because I know she's gonna have two of everything, make three of everything. Okay, so you got kind of the opposite problem. I do, I do. I've got a chicken, I've got a game of chicken,

which is, are you bringing deodorant? Yes, why? Well, so nobody brings toothbrushes, so, A.J. Gold goes on, I'm gonna go grab some toothbrushes at the store. Yeah. Let me say, okay, cool, thanks. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna go lay in the shower and use this guy's heating. I'm gonna run up his water heater by laying a shower in a steam,

making it a steam room is much as possible. So she comes back with some vibrating toothbrushes. She brought electric toothbrushes? Yeah, she brought electric ones, you know, that vibrate. Well, yeah, for no reason. But they're like temporary toothbrushes. That's what I, shine, that's what I thought. I'm like, well, okay, that's odd.

I guess I could see why you would want a vibrating toothbrush, like for fun stuff, but I don't know why you'd, I don't know why you'd want to. Okay, Maddox. Yeah. Hey, at least it vibrates on purpose. Yeah. So I ignore it, because you can't, if you spend your,

if you try to follow up everything that your wife or girlfriend is doing, you waste your whole day just following up. I ignore it. It's a little later. When we go out and we're partying on the script and she goes, you know, somebody mentions inflation and she goes, yeah, you know, you're never, you're never, you're, you'll never believe how expensive toothbrushes are. Yeah.

What do you mean? Well, those, I, when I bought toothbrushes, they were eight bucks. And you say, yeah, well, you got the vibrating ones. That's why it was so expensive, when she goes, oh, I just thought that's how much toothbrushes wear. Oh, these days. Oh, these days.

No, they're like a dollar for a product. What are you unaware of? Just thought that's how much toothbrushes are. Sure. This just inflation, they've gone up so much, they're eight bucks now. Yeah. That's why people's teeth are so fucked.

Cause toothbrushes are eight dollars. Tough to have been made by. They're operating on good or bad genes. Yeah, yeah. Couldn't believe that. Couldn't believe I heard something like that. Well, you brush your teeth. Yeah, I't believe that. Couldn't believe I heard something like that. Well, but you brush your teeth. Yeah, I brushed my teeth.

Excellent. I spent $16 on toothbrush. Okay, here's shopping in the metaverse. You can see it, right? I can see it, yeah. It's small, but I can see it. Okay. Oh no, that's Zoom meeting protocol.

Wait, this one's funny too. Zoom meeting protocol. Hi team. I'm writing you all today to inform you of a new protocol of our staff Zoom meetings. Moving forward, everyone will be required to wear a mask during our meetings. One of our team members has a fear of unmasked people.

One of our team members has a fear of unmasked people. And I wanna make sure everyone feels safe and comfortable. This requirement is effective immediately. This is good to be bullshit. Why? You think that's bullshit? You know, sadly, I mean, it's probably true. Yeah, I think that'd be true. You can't be, You can't be not

wearing a mask on a zoo in your bedroom. Oh my God. Oh, yeah, please tell me that's not real. It's got to be real. Bro, can you imagine what companies are like telling people to do in their own homes to, yeah, to get away from COVID, like to not get COVID. I mean, it costs nothing to make an unreasonable demand of somebody. No, that's true. That's true. You can just put it out there and, you know,

and you'll get a lot of compliance. But I'm surprised that didn't say something like, you know, everyone is like required to be fully dressed. Cause like those are the kinds, I know. Those are the kinds of things that actually happen. You know, people don't know their fucking live and whatever, it's like make sure

that if you're fucking going in the room with your computer and you know it's on, whether or not you have Zoom launched or you think you do, put on your fucking pants. Put on your fucking pants. Well, you know what? Just don't, why have the video on? I don't know why people need to be on video so bad

Well, they yeah, so they feel like they're on the news like do they feel like they're being on TV because they're on zoom Yeah, I don't know why I never have it on never no, no, no, I'd say that most of the you know because productions You know the actors come in some people with good setups from home record there. But basically, I'd say probably 75% of people just on the productions never turned their camera on. We never do here. There's no reason for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see who's there. It's fine. I don't need to look at you. Like I can't look at everybody's face at the same time anyway. What's the deal? Yeah. Here's another COVID one. A Houston woman is accused of going to a COVID testing site with her child in the trunk of her car. We're told the kid was COVID positive and she wanted to limit her own exposure.

Well, she's supposed to do. It's like a cover for a mob hit. Well, she's supposed to do. It's like a cover for a mob hit. Cinnamon and Uber. Now she's wanted by the police for endangering a child. Oh, I think you'll survive being in the trunk. You'll cry, baby. Yeah. The woman is a high school English teacher.

Oh, brilliant. That's great. She's currently not administrative leave. Why? She should give her a mental. Can you tell me why teachers are always complaining about needing school supplies? Like always, they're always saying

and they need all these money for school supplies. Like, what do you supplies do you need to instruct children? You just tell them knowledge that you have, that I assume you have or don't have, and then they learn it. What kind of supplies do you need? That crayons and a ruler.

Disocraties need a bunch of crayons and rulers and shit. You just have to... You just have to... Describe it to them. You're okay, and your mind, cutting out, you're folding a piece of paper, cutting it out, and they're little men, and all the little men are holding hands now.

There you go. That's teaching. You need construction paper for that? No. One in one is two. Cause the one, just picture it in your mind. One in one is two. Where they always need supplies for.

Why are they always going shopping for extra shit? Tell me that. That's what I've always heard. But even if they do need supplies, you know the school districts are so corrupt that all that money is fucking taken to the top and not spent where it's supposed to be anyway. Good. So people always talk about LA, USD.

LA, USD has plenty of money. Oh, yeah. Plenty of money. It's just so why you need corrupt. I don't know why you need supplies to teach don't know why you need supplies to teach. Like what do you need? What do you like, care at top? You need a bunch of props to go through your fucking lesson

on how white people are racist. You need glue sticks for that. Why? Why do you need anything? Just sit there, sit there like a learned scholar, and instruct. That's it. You know, when we did have supplies,

I'm talking elementary school. You know, we just pretty much destroyed them anyway. I mean, I can remember. It's cool. I can remember taking a little one on the carpet. Ah, ah, ah. Taking a little ruler with a little metal strip at the top, so you can draw a real straight line.

Oh, yeah. And rubbing it on the sole of my shoe really, really hard. So you get a fricking, and then you burn the person next to your arm. Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. That's awesome. Or melting the crayons with it. Oh yeah.

Okay, here's how, there's a shopping works in the fucking Metaverse. Walmart's all over, all these big brands are all in the Metaverse now. Of course. I don't know if you saw this. No. This is how Walmart says you're shopping in the metaverse. You got a virtual.

We're thinking of a wine pairing. So this bitch, you're got a virtual cart. And you're going in up and down virtual shopping aisles. Yeah. And there's this bitch with no tits at all. In an unflattering Walmart uniform, telling you what you need at home. This is Sean. You could Sean, you could shop anywhere.

You could be shopping in a fucking volcano. And this is what they give you, a sterile aisle of procedurally generated cans where the logo is all great and a woman that looks like the friend's wife that he settled for. They're like, no, guy that disappointing woman who's wearing who's only flesh that she's showing is in her face so you have to look at her dis your your your primitive mind tricks you in a steering and her disapproving scowl yet that was kate parry you couldn't even recognize her

yet i can recognize that was a pull this woman out of the line up what this is walmart yeah this wall marty just talking about wine pairings at Walmart. Good. Yeah, hold on, I'm pretty sure you're stopping at the liquor store on the way home. Oh my God. Oh God, let me see here that again. Gross. Gross.

Great, looks like you need a good wine pairing. Oh yeah, I do, I need a good wine pairing for my fucking B-Nile that I'm in. You bitch, show me your tits. There it is right there. Fucking, you reach out, you're fucking pretend ghost and get your wine pairing. Oh my God.

Virtual Walmart and the fucking meta pairing. Oh my God. Virtual Walmart in the fucking metaverse. What kind of wine. Oh my God. What kind of wine pair as well with slim gyms? Ah. Ah. Thunderbird. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, it's makes a sound. It makes a kachink sound. Nice. So you're fucking, so you think you're in the real world shopping for fucking wine at Walmart. Right. God. I wanna see some kid get,

some kid get beat in the aisle for like knocking over something glass and having it break. And then the metaphors. Oh look, it pops up all your fucking great wines statistics. But there's wine that you're pairing with your re-fried can of beans. Do you get the frustration? What. Do you get the frustration? What?

Do you get the frustration of standing in line at the pharmacy? Oh my God. Why would they do this? That's so horrible. Here's how Walmart envisioned shopping in the fucking shittabers. You're right.

Be verified through your profile. So no need to wait for an ID check. Just play. Oh, amazing. And I have to wait to get ID to buy my fucking wine. That I look- Thank God you're protecting all the children by IDing a man whose face is mostly gray.

Do I look, does this fat look like the fat of youth to you? Computer bitch. Yeah. It's maybe baby fat. You're 49! 49 fucking computer... Uh. Place the item in your cart whenever you're ready.

Oh wow, it all melted away like the Matrix. Taking forever to get the cart. I'm getting a notification from your connected smart thing. It looks like you already have a full gallon of milk at home. How the fuck do they know whether you drank it or not? What if I just want another milk for fun? What then? It looks like you already have a full milk at home.

You know what, honey? If this is anything as accurate as the fucking BingBong that bings when something is, when I have a box sitting on a seat that doesn't have a seat belt on it or my dog happens to be sitting on it, then I don't have a lot of faith in the milk you're detecting at home.

Mm. Yeah. As your seat belt thing, is it always work? Sean, my seat belt thing? Yeah. What do you mean? Like when it goes, bong, bong, bong, someone doesn't have their seat belt on.

Oh, to tell me, yeah, sadly, it always seems to work. It always seems, mine goes off. No, dog sitting there, bong, bong, bong, bong, box is sitting there with stuff to ship. Boom, boom, boom. Oh, my seat belt, well, it's just if you're, if my car is moving, and if you have something sitting in the seat

that's not a person, it will sometimes still go off is what I'm saying. Oh, I have no way to stop it. Oh, I haven't experienced that. Oh, interesting. Lucky you. Yeah. And I have to experience that one. Let's. Lucky you. Yeah. And I have to experience that one.

Let's see what else. Should we put this one back? They couldn't do another, she looks away, like she's bored, the robot, right in there. Should we put this one back? I don't need the suggestion. If you tell me there's milk, I know what options are available to me.

Right. Without being suggested that I put this one back. Condescending bitch. Hmm. Up. That's to grab it twice. Of milk. Throw it.

No. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha See, helpful. Bro, are you fucking kidding me? Why would someone want to virtually shop like this? Just go through a list and pick, like a fucking spreadsheet. Yeah, yeah. Well, see, helpful to the moron is super condescending to everyone else. That's true. Good point. I love it.

It's so amazing, but it's so unbelievable. Oh, you're a fucking moron. I need to avoid you from here on out at all costs. You know, 80s girls car. We drove her cars to Vegas. Yeah, it's fairly new, right? Yeah, it's like 2019 for runner. It asks you if you want to take a break when you've been driving for longer than two

hours. Oh, God. What the fuck? Yeah. You believe that? What the hell is, can I take a break after two hours and has a little thing of a little coffee icon? Bing.

You want to take a break? There's a Starbucks up on you. It's like they're all going to be exact connected. Yeah. Mike, are you fucking kidding me? This car encourages you to spend money if you've been making good wait. Yeah. Mike, are you fucking kidding me? This car encourages you to spend money if you've been making good time. Yeah.

Also, it wants to go Vegas all the time because it has a horrible gambling habit. You know what else I heard of this week that's horrible? I never thought out here, a dry t-shirt contest. What? I get it. Oh, you get it. Oh, you get it. Oh, sure. Why not?

It's just like regular. That's just like, that's just called like walking around. Yeah. Yeah. It's not really a contest. I'm in contest every day of my life. It's just having, it's just wearing clothes. Right.

There's no, there's no like maybe making it too sexy, you know, like seeing nipples or anything like that. A dry t-shirt contest, this guy says, you know, in the bowling alley, I met him in Vegas talking about wet t-shirt guys because, well, we've had a dry t-shirt contest. He said, what the fuck are you talking about? A dry t-shirt contest. Go shop at Walmart. What do you mean? How did you get anyone to do it?

Why would any woman want to, a dry T-shirt contest is more weirder than a wet T-shirt contest? Is the object to wear a dry T-shirt but make it as small as possible? Like cut it. Bare, they're just like, it's bare, the most creative way

you can wear a dry t-shirt to show off as much as possible. I don't, I kinda don't think so. I mean, I mean, that's not like a wet t-shirt condense, you're like, whoops, I can't believe my t-shirt got all wet. Oh well, nothing, no fault of mine. I'm not a whore, right? It's my t-shirt contest. But it's drysthees your contest is kind of you making,

you having too much autonomy. Yeah. Well, that happened. Puh, let me see what else I have here. Mm-hmm. Something about selling farts. How did you see that lady passed a million bucks in jeopardy? No, I have not kept it on jeopardy these days.

Ladies got a big, big, beautiful Adam's apple. Probably a big ol' hard peenis. Yeah, one of... Really? Yeah. A trans woman is killing it on jeopardy. First woman, the headline is first woman to pass a million dollars in jeopardy.

You believe that? This is so great. I love this. Really is it a trans woman? I mean, I don't know. Says woman. Don't play with me. I'm going to.

Lately makes, yeah, I think it's a train. Oh, what the hell is it opening in tour? Uh, uh, it's a train. Oh, what the hell why is it opening in tour? It's pay-walled. Oh, God damn it. Is your trick to work? I don't think so. You think they stopped it? I think so. Everything's opening in tour for some.

Yeah, Amy Schneider becomes first woman to surpass a million dollars on jeopardy. Woman, first, G.O. Party. Maybe I can get it non pay world. I don't know. So I could get some details. Well, I don't know, Sean, you could see my screen. Does that look like a...

I can, it's kind of small, but... Oh, just tell me the answer. Amy Schneiderly, the 42 year old Oakland resident who rose to fame, blah, blah, became its first female contestant to a mass more than a million bucks. Wow, I don't know if it says anything about the transport. It's first female contestant to amass more than a million bucks. Wow. I don't know if it says anything about the transport. She won.

Uh, Woody recaps. Oh yeah, there it is. That's in about the seventh paragraph. I'm a trans woman. I'm proud of that fact. Ah! So good.

Oh boy. So I can have this slam to women's intelligence everywhere. Proud of that fast. Ah! Second. Oh boy. And it was a slam to win. You're a fucking intelligence everywhere. Yeah, because you do. Women, you fucked around for too much and you're too dumb to pass a million bucks on Jeopardy. You got fucking ousted.

Yeah. Oh man. My somebody who deserves it. That is so fucking funny. You fucked up, you fucked around for too long with it and you found out. Losing records all over the place because you can't compete. Boo-yah! Can't fucking compete with us.

We're gonna be the first woman on Mars. Yes! Ha ha ha! First woman president, gonna be trans. Yes! Ah. That is fucking priceless. First woman president gonna be trans. Yes That is fucking priceless First woman to win more than a million bucks on Javari wow amazing

Amy Schnibles Good job sister It's about time somebody shut these women up. They can't play no jeopardy Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I like to read the clue. And then answer before Alex says it. Cause everybody listens to Alex. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, I like to read the clue. And then answer before Alex says it. Cause everybody listens to Alex. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, I like to read the clue clue and then answer before Alex says it. Because everybody listens to Alex, but I read it very quickly. Right. So you can be thinking. So I can be thinking about it. Exactly. That's how you win.

That's how you win a million bucks. That's how you win a million bucks. You dump you lazy brods. God. Schneidly is also received attention, some hostile for her gender expression, but her success on Jeopardy has positively shaped how transgender people are viewed at a time

when that community is facing deadly threats. Oh, really? Is that what this is doing? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I don't know. God, the more I think about it, the funnier it is. The first time, how long has jeopardy been going like 40 years? Yeah, I think so. Because Trebek wasn't the first host. No, he was. Are you sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because we watched the pilot. Oh, wow. I could have sworn he like took over for somebody else like that. No,

no, no. He didn't he? Honey, didn't he watch the pilot jeopardy and it was trebek hosting. Yeah, and everybody was the questions were all easy. And everybody was all amped up. Like they just done like seven lines on the backstage. They looked all 80s. It was fucking cool. Yeah. It's like really early 80s, right? Yeah. So it's like, God, first woman to win more than a million bucks. First woman. God bless. You know what I love? What's that?

That now we have a holiday right at the beginning of the year that is dedicated to how much there's dedicated to opposing political sides wanting to kill each other. Like, and holiday. Yeah, National, like January 6th day, and Syracshon day, or federal informants day, or whatever you wanna call it. It's a holiday already.

Yeah, cause it's a holiday. It's basically 9-11, like new 9-11. Everybody gets on TV. They makes, like, the left gets on TV. They makes like the left gets on TV and makes features about how like they were almost raped and stuff and they just can't believe how bad the right gets, but then the right gets on TV. And well, either they sometimes the right says actually, most America, half America is terrorists. And they should all be in jail. Like, they agree with the left.

Yeah. Or they're like, oh no, we don't want to, nobody wants to kill you. I was like, oh, I mean, we do. Like, we definitely want to kill those guys. So don't, don't lie. It's funny. I think I wish they were right that it was,

I wish that what they're saying is true. Don't say that you don't want to choose true. But it's like a nice two, three weeks off of being with your family, right? And then in case you forgot how much of a nightmare that we live in, how much of a judgmental health scape we live in, we kicked the year off with a nice everybody,

hates everybody and lies about everything holiday. I hope that doesn't stick. No, no, it's sticking. Damn it. Didn't you have a good time on this one? Wasn't it fun? Sure. Yeah.

I think it's fun. I'm glad it exists. It's like a reverse Christmas. Put you start the year out wrong. Yeah. Hey, I'm crazy for God. We still think you're terrorists. White supremacy and your white supremacy won't last long here, buddy. Like, oh, man,

you know what I had for God. Thanks for reminding, thanks for reminding me that you want me and jail for whatever technicality you can get. Thanks a lot. Thanks for reminding me what a bunch of disingenuous liars that you are. I had forgotten over the break. There was a quantum of charity that spawned artificially near an emotional black hole and the hate particle was sucked into the black hole

and it's pairing, spawned out and landed in my heart somewhere. I had that over Christmas, but now I remember why I don't have this. Boing, get out of here. You quantum of charity particle. I love that. Let's see, wearing a mask over Zoom. Hmm, kids in the car.

Oh, I got fat watch too. Yay! Here. That's watch, today and fat news. Oh, whoops. Vito did an episode of the biggest problem with Mr. Girl. Yeah. This week.

Do you see that? No, you were telling me about it though. It's pretty funny. It got pretty funny at the end when they started fighting over money. Oh, did they? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You mean for Mr. Girls appearance, like a guest host fee or? Yeah, kind of. Money in general. The money in general. Because then it turned out, no, no, money, like personal debt. Okay. Because then it turned out that Vito had like a five year old invoice from Mr. Girl sitting

in his Venmo account for 50 bucks or something like that. Right. And then Vito brought Mr. Girls ancestry into it. I forget what race that he was, but Vito called attention to that when Mr. Girl brought up money. Oh boy. And then Vito accused him of being a pedophile. No, no, Vito got. Vito is getting rolled right now on Twitter. Oh, God. Mr. Goldbrought in Vito's Twitter is a problem, which it is.

His Vito acts like a total asshole. He is a lightning rod, isn't he? Yeah. He was he was talking about pedophiles again. No boy. And he made them, he made them strange move of you. Well, no, he explained himself in a fine way, but he used the word we as like we as a society understand, but everyone's saying that he used we as in we pedophiles, which I don't know if, what?

What? I don't know if pedophiles do that a lot. They trip up. I don't know if I don't know if I'll do that a lot. They trip up. I don't know. That's how they get when they, yeah, the royal we. And me and I was trying to explain it's like, bro, they're just like they don't care. They don't really think you're about a while. They just think that you slip.

They're just trying to twist your words. Like, don't you get that? Yeah. Yeah. Um, it's fun episode. And they argue about Mr. Girl's relationship with girlfriend. That's's fun episode. And they argue about Mr. Girls, his relationship with his girlfriend. That's pretty fun too. Here, okay, here's Fat Watch. Uh, dad bod.

I'm reading the headline. Yeah, don't read ahead. Well, I'm not saying it. Dad bod has been accepted for years. Our mom bod's next. Oh wow. Next. Next.

It's about time for moms to get their mom bod. Right, right? No, they're all in just killer shape right now. They look like models or 80s or robots videos. I mean, don't make me go register. Does anybody have this on archive or something that they could link me that doesn't have this stupid thing? Mom, Bob.

They're all doing it. That is so fucking frustrating. I hate that. No. Women are showing off their, uh, uh, mom, Bob's, woman slams the dad, Bob, double standard. Mom, Bob. Oh slams the dad bod double standard. Mom Bods. Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah uh... she has total abs so uh... yeah not impossible women are lying like usual dad-bots have been acceptable for years our mom-bots next uh... the average woman has way worse than a mom-bodd

i mean i don't know what a mom mom-bodd is what's that bids it has that's been acceptable? What is a dad bod? I don't know. It's a turn of a... You got like a little gut, love handles, but you're basically...

You're basically kind of thin, you're in shape, but you got a little ponds, you got... You're a dad bod. You used to hit the gym, but now you barely get there, you know, because you got kids, and you're like Jack Murphy, does he have a dad bod? I don't know. I don't think I've ever seen him other than his head.

You haven't seen him getting his ass all eaten by his wife? No, no, no, I didn't actually do. You got to check that out. I don't know. Pass, hard pass. In a world that usually glimmerizes muscularity and the quote buff body type, dadbods aren't simply accepted.

They're even thought of sexy to some ladies. Because you guys invented that to trick us. Plus they all wanna be with their dad. Yeah, you guys, women invented that to trick guys into having families with them. I've been on to this, ever since they rolled that one out. Dad buy like, oh, I see, you want to con men into having, you want to con men into,

in fat men into having kids with you. Got it. Right. I see through your fucking treachery, you devil woman, starting as a viral development within the early 2010s, dadbods, check with a less toned physique kind on a middle-aged man as a substitute of biceps or a six pack.

He might have a slight beer stomach. Oh yeah, okay. Yeah. One study discovered that 75% of single respond, it's most popular dadbods to the historically toned male physique kind. That's always been true though. Like men are bodybuilding for other men. Women don't like that shit.

I mean, I don't know. What, I mean, you think you're fucking Johnny United is over there, so that's, I mean, so, yeah, some women like it, but I mean, like ripped steroid bodies? No, no, no, no, no, that's extreme. That's, yeah, those guys, they're doing it for other men. Well, women like most, a guy that only does arms

and probably drinks a little too much. Yeah, I would say that body, whatever that is. But our mom bod's subsequent, not so quick, did a computer write this? Experts say mom bods aren't more likely to the development and the ideal approach no less than not any time quickly. What?

This article fell apart. They got a woman to write it, but unfortunately she wasn't trans. So it's for a trans woman in there. It's poorly written. Our mom bods next. No, how about that? No, it's an obvious no because you don't think about it.

You're like, when you're a guy and you see a woman, you're like, yep, hot or not, hot. It's not something you go like, well, you know, I mean, in the last 10 years, the, you know, dad bots have become acceptable. So I think we should, you know, one good turn deserves another. So yeah, it's about time. It's about time that I can be a big fat slob, right? No, you are already a big fat slob. You have been forever. maybe like those anime mombods. We got those big old tits.

Honestly. Here we go, here's another fat watch. Average undesired weight gain reported by adults in the US since the start of the pandemic, February 2021 by demographic. Oh boy, you wanna guess at some of these? Nah, because they're all pretty close. All right.

Millennials age 25 to 42. How much weight gain do you think those people had? Undesired weight gain. So they're giving them a couple pounds for free. Undes, yeah. And yeah, I've been meaning to bulk up. How much, wait did I gain? Well, how much did you not want to gain?

Oh, or I can honor. I can do it. So what, millennials? So, yeah, millennials. 25 to 42. I mean, I'm guess I just spitballed 15 to 20 pounds. 41 pounds average. Are you fucking kidding me?

41 average. Come on. Average. Average. That means there's somebody out there. If I'm 42 and gain 10 pounds, somebody out there gains 70. Good God. M-ha ma mia. M-o-o-n. 41 pounds. Jesus. That's a rest like a whole suitcase packed for a plane. Yeah.

41 pounds. That's about a bag of cement. Damn. Extra. Kering around. Wow. Essential workers, 38 pounds. Damn. Essential workers. So they're basically doing the same thing that they were doing before the pandemic because they're essential.

Yeah. So they're going to their place of work and they're gaining 38 pounds. It's like everybody's just eating their feelings. Is that? Yeah, I think so. I mean, I know there's a lot of that, but Jesus Christ. And they can't do anything. Like you can't go out anymore. So you're not, you're not like keeping the weight off

so you don't look like a big fucking monster when you go out to meet people because you're not meeting people anymore. Well, that's, you know, that's actually true. That's, I'm sure that does. What do you mean, actually true? people anymore. Well, that's, you know, that's actually true. That's, I'm sure that does, we mean actually true. We mean actually true. Well, I mean, that's,

that's even more true. Mm. Men, 37 pounds, parents, 36 pounds, black adults, 35 pounds, white adults, 30 pounds, Jesus. White people, 30 pounds, Jesus. White people, 30 pounds in the average is 40? What the, oh, I guess that's the average for millennials. Okay. Yeah.

US adults, 29 pounds, Gen Z, 28 pounds. Oh my God, that's 18 to 24. Bro, the average Gen Z added 30 fucking pounds in a year and a hand two years. Uh, Asian adults, 12 pounds. Hmm. Yeah. Well, there you go. I don't know.

What do you think about that? That's appalling. Pretty bad. Okay. Here's the final shop. And virtually at Walmart. You have, you have milk. It you have chips at home.

You fat fuck exactly. Here's one called incredible ass and good thunder thighs. Somebody submitted this through the discord. Let's see here. What what terrors this could. Oh, okay. What, what, terror is this could, for us? Oh, okay. It's some sort of a TikTok. Oh yeah.

TikTok's great. It's got all these fat people like, Oh! Putting themselves out there, being fat. Do you need it in your face? God. Okay, this is Sky Dragon 25. I don't know.

Like they're dragging the sky because they're so fat. Do you think that's what that means? Sky Dragon. Sky Dragon? Like they're usually bending the fabric of space. Like they're walking around getting pulled around on their rascal and then dragging the sky. Damn, your mom is so fast, she drags the fucking sky around.

It's not really a joke, but I mean, sky dragon, not a dragon that flies. Certainly not. No, not the wings, I guess. No, the airplane doesn't fly when Skydragons there. Oh, hoarding cheeseburgers instead of gold. Oh, my God. Magnegates. Amazingly, they only gained 12 unwanted pounds during the pandemic.

How many unwanted, how much weight did you gain to the, how dare you? How much unwanted weight did you get? the, how dare you? Well, how much unwanted weight did you get? Oh, 40 pounds. Whoa. Okay, here's sky dragon. Okay. On TikTok. Sky dragon, 25.

So they're 25 years old. Okay, here. I don't know why all of you guys are body shimming me, but I only weigh about 25 pounds. Wait, what? 25 pounds. No, 225. This is a special person, I think. You think this person's retarded?

I mean, they honestly said they weigh about 25 pounds. I think they just made a mistake with their talking. That's a bad mistake. I mean, is like the three just implied? They edited that out. Yeah, three is wanting five, right? I mean, just from what I'm seeing, it's pretty small on my screen, but I can, I know large. Don't put it on your screen for too long I'll leave a burn it in here. I know they'll know what I'm doing here

I'm saying not too bad if I lose 100 pounds more I'll be on my goal weight at 150 Okay, lose 100 pounds so she's 250 Which is alive? Yeah, yeah, okay, so at least 250, probably 275. There we go. So I'm not that fat. And also, most fat girls have a credible ass and good thunder thighs. So...

Well, she just, she makes a great point. Most. Whoah! At least she gives, at least she gives us the out that maybe some of them don't that's kind of her. Yeah, I'm glad to do that. She didn't have to do that. She just get to said, fat girls got the ass in the great thundered the size, but she said, most. Yeah.

I'll take it. Thank you, honey. We don't have to find all of them attractive. Maybe some of them don't have those good-thundered eyes that you're looking for. Yeah. All right, here we go. I wear female underwear underneath boxers. Is that, is that in debate?

Female underwear underneath boxers. Boxers? So you wear in men's boxers. Boxers? So you're wearing men's boxers and you're wearing, and you're getting teased for men's underwear, but you got female underwear's under the men's underwear. Wait a minute, did butter bean would come out and be the woman. Tough man. Okay, here we go.

Where the boxes, so my legs don't shape. Wait, wait, stop, it stopped moving around. The boxes, so my legs don't shape, yeah? Okay, that checks out. That'll do it. Boxes, so my legs don't shape when I wear my jeans. Okay. That way I don't wear on my crotch.

Oh my God. Fun hacks. Fun hacks. Also, they're super comfortable when you have cramps. Oh my God. Meat cramps. Yeah. Dollar menu cramps? Oh, God, those dollar menu cramps bad.

How many steps can she take before her boxers just burst into flames? Have you seen, have you seen fat people how they have like discolorations in the fat women have discolorations in the crotch of their sweatpants? No, I mean, I've never looked that long. It's because it's because their vagina turns into acid. Oh my god. And it bleaches their, their pants.

That's true. I learned that on one of my fat forums that I go to for healing purposes. I'm gonna throw up. Okay, there you go. So. That's fat watch. I can't even. That watch, today and that news. Incredible ass in the good-dunder thighs.

Most, most, not all. Most of them, don't be crazy if not all of them. Of course not all of them. Yeah, all right, that's enough news for me. So today, I'm sure I had something else. Here's some comments. Elwood Blues, resident forcekin expert weighing in on the dickhead with the torn dickhead.

Oh boy. From last show. Two years ago, I tore my frenulum in the middle of banging. It started with a slight pain that I decided to ignore and pound through. Then I felt that sharp, something's permanently fucked to hinge on my dick. I cried out, pulled out, and promptly passed out.

Mm, wow. The trifecta. I fucking Jackie Charles. I cried out, pulled out, and probably passed out. Wow. The trifecta. I fucking Jackie Charles. I cried out, pulled out, and probably passed out. While bleeding profusely from my penis into my girlfriend's sheets. It was a gregious improposter. She panicked and did nothing typical.

So I've got some, who told you use the bomb? The mixture told you use the bomb? Later I tried to go to a real doctor, but I got a woman doctor instead you know, I went to the doctor for my COVID. Yeah, I don't know why my family bullied me into it. Just like they bullied me into going to the eye doctor. Yeah, by the way, did I talk about the retina test? I talked about on the bonus episode, didn't I? You did. Yeah, almost fucking thing known to the most. Yeah, the most painful thing known to man. The doctor even said, it's worse than having,

it's more painful than having a kid. And I would know I'd have had seven kids. And my pussy's extremely tight. The doctor said that to me. And I wear boxers. I wear women's underwear under my male boxers, okay? Get over it. Yeah.

underwear under my mailboxers, okay, get over it. Yeah. So that bitch was, she's talking about losing 100 pounds. That's like 40% of her weight. Yeah. And she rattles it off. Like, well, I just lose 100 pounds and I'm in my target weight. I think she said, if I lose another 100 pounds,

or if I, come. Well, she said 100, hundred, yeah, a hundred, I mean, it implied that she had lost weight before, I think. Oh, okay. Well, you didn't lose it if you didn't keep it off. No, she inspected my, she inspected my, she inspected my,

you found it again. She inspected my penis. She said she had no idea what a frenulum was, but it should probably heal. Oh, thanks, Doc. Amazing. So I went to the doctor for my COVID and the first thing the doctor said was,

oh, have you been around any, have you been exposed to any infected people? Well, what the hell do you think? That's what I said. I said, what kind of, bro, what kind hell do you think? That's what I said. What kind of what kind of question is that what do you? How do you think I got it right like a god? We yeah, is there is there a point to your question that I'm like his whole angle

seem to be about asking me What I was doing and making sure that I didn't leave my house now. He didn't seem at all. That's the only thing he seemed to be worried about. I was like, oh, well, were you around any infected people like implying that I was behaving recklessly in some way. Of course you're going to. Yeah. Well, it's such a, like, what could the first of all the answer is obviously yes, you stupid fuck. Yeah. Well, it's such a, like, what could the, first of all, the answer is obviously, yes, you stupid fuck, like, yeah, I got it from, I got it from someone. Yeah. You mean it was, yeah.

Yes. What are you asking that? Like, did I, you're asking it like, like, there's some decision I could have made differently where this would be a no. You're asking me like, no, it's a possible answer. Why? Why are you asking me like, would be a no. You're asking me like, no, it's a possible answer. Why? Why are you asking me like, I could say no.

I have COVID. I'm pretty sure that that, we can skip past that question. No, bro, I actually, I worked in the lab. I worked in the fucking lab where they released another strain where they released Omicron again to keep this going. I worked in that fucking lab. I didn't even, I wasn't even around an exposed person at all. I was the, I'll patient fucking zero.

Yeah. Oh my God. I wanted to reach to the goddamn, were you around anyone who was infected? But I don't know, man, is this, is the rest of the call gonna go like this? He. Can I, I can just go.

I don't know why I did this. My family made me do this. They think like that you guys, so the first time reason they think that you got to try and like, cure this and not just caching checks. So they sent me here thinking that you could prescribe something like,

when Joe Rogan said he got a cocktail that made him feel better, like they just threw the kitchen sink at it. For some reason, my family thought that you would do that to me, even though I'm not famous. And I know you're not. I know you're not. I know you're just some, I know you're some shitbag who deserves to drown in student loans because you're never gonna help anybody unless someone puts a fucking gun to your head.

See, I know that and you know that, but they don't know that. That's why I'm here. Any more brain busters? So what do you say? Go take it easy, don't go out. You said, well how much water do you, you said, look, you have to quarantine for 10 days. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

and you go, how much water are you drinking? I said, one glass a day. And you go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, look, I'm really concerned about that water. Michael, actually the glass glass is, he said, you should be drinking 64 ounces, you should be drinking 32 to 64 ounces a day. Yeah.

He said the one glass 64 ounce, bro. Yeah. What do you think about that? Yeah, you didn't ask enough questions, dude. Now you look fucking dumb. I used a talking, I used a collector's cup from, you know, Dodger Stadium. Yeah, he used a collector's cup from Dodger Stadium. How, he's a collector's cup from Dodger Stadium.

How about that? It was big gulp night. Dodger Stadium, he's like, well, you know, you should drink. Well, how come? Why do you exist? Huh. She said she had no idea what a freinulum was, big surprise, but it should probably heal

and ask me to come back if it got seriously infected. Okay. And no banging for at least a month, quote, most not happening. Like the dickhead writer, I was young, horny, and in no way excited about extended abstinence. Girlfriend, and I agreed to keep it PG for two weeks, but only made it about 10 days. There was a little pain, but no significant bleeding and definitely no regrets. My advice to the Navy lad, Frenulums are overrated. I do just fine without one.

Pines is heel fast and always get while the getting is good. Okay. Wait a minute. He doesn't have a Frenulum? Yeah, he doesn't have it. Why? Cause it tore and then never re-entered. You just said fuck it.

Yeah, cauterize that shit. All right, I've, why you need that dumb little thing there? I don't know. You know, I have a, I don't, you know, the one that it's in your mouth too, right? Like your upper lip under your tongue, isn't it? Yeah, there's one under your tongue and there's also one connecting your upper lip

to like your upper teeth. Oh, yeah, okay. Mine, they had to cut that out of me and then they made a new one and the new ones all fucked up. Really? Yeah. It's part of your surgery. Yeah. The new one is like two, Frenulums.

Huh, I fucking hated it. I wish they would have just chopped it off and not. I don't know why they had to put that back. You know, back like Frenulums. Why you had to put a fake one back in? I don't know why they had to put that back. You know, back like well. I get to put a fake one back in. I don't know, does it like keep food from getting too far fucking up? I don't know if I can outwork it.

Food. I don't know. A condoms probably help since they restrict forskid movement, but I never even entertained the idea of trying this. Good for you. Yeah, I mean, that was my thought. But you know, you said you do not want to be caught on the show promoting condom use.

And I don't want someone to clip that. No, exactly. This guy, a mama says, you make me start talking in Italian works as a line. Oh, all right. Hey, Dick, don't say my name. The other day, you were saying some big, titty chick made you speak Italian. I thought it was, yeah, that's true. I did say that. I thought it was funny and could work on girls. I tested it on some random

chick and it totally works. Cheers. All right. Then he sent the pictures of it working. Well, let's see. Okay. Okay. That's the girl he's trying it working. Well, let's see. Okay. Oh, okay. That's the girl he's trying it on. All right. Okay, seems like it could be this, if I matched that girl on Twitter on Tinder, I would think it was a scam.

Okay, just being straightforward with you. I don't know, what do you think, Sean? Well, did she ask for what words he would be saying? Well, I haven't got to the chat yet. Gotcha. Just saying, if you match this girl on Tinder, I would think, all right, this is some kind of a scam. Sure.

And not like a, this is like fake profile, sending money and I'll send you more nudes. That's what it looks like to me. Anyway. Here's the chat. She says, see senior, I am, Smiley face, can Chotel. I'm putting my own accent.

Yeah. Because she said senior. Yes. He says, oh, can I? You somehow turned me Italian. I'm starting, I started talking in the language like mama mia, motto. Oh.

Mm. Ha ha ha. This is his, wow, this is his line. Day after Christmas, these behaving horny like this on DMs. Mm. Right after Jesus' birthday. Such a rough word. She says, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I love that. And then there's a heart size and a heart size face and a consumed by heart's face. Mm. If you were in Australia, I'd have totally taken you on a cute date. He says, oh buddy, I think you're talking to a scam.

Little eyes, little submissive eyes face, hard eyes face, or a little whatever puppy dog eyes face, and then a crying face. Oh, I'm sad you're far. They're always, that's something you gotta watch out for. If you're on Tinder Tinder talking to a girl and she says that she lives on the moon, it's probably a good indication. But it's a scam, you know. Boy. I started, wait, what did he say?

Let me read that again. You somehow turned me Italian. I started talking in the language like mama me, madole. Yeah. Pretty, you got it out there. Could be smoother I guess, but the enemy of good is perfect. Yes.

I'm making hate your brand from Dave, Hey Dick and Sean. What really makes me a rage is when YouTubers and other internet morons make nothing but content focused on complaining about shit they hate. Hmm. Hmm. It's a little close to home. Yeah, wait a minute. I mean, imagine how miserable someone becomes

when they only talk about shit that pisses them off. For years, imagine. When they could be talking about things they love and actually be happy while doing it. I talk about Bitcoin and my dog. I honestly couldn't understand this mindset until I realize that these people have basically cornered themselves into a specific niche. Yeah, it is. Sean, have you ever been on like YouTube at all. Of course. Like there's people who will make a video every day about how comic books are like woke and have lesbians in them and stuff.

And they're pissed about that. Oh, every day they're angry about something about comic books. Yeah, every day something about comic books. Oh man, Superman's gay. Like every fucking day. Right. I don't know about that. At this point, if they, well, they give Matt a, like the January six things, like they're all upset about,

oh, this, this, I don't know, I genuinely like it. Like I like that there's a day where Democrats could have and say, and some Republicans say, oh, yeah, everyone's fucking terrorists. Remember that guy that was carrying the podium out? That guy's a fucking terrorist straight up. Oh, okay. Democrats could have been say and some Republicans say, oh yeah, everyone's fucking terrorists. Remember that guy that was like carrying the podium out? That guy's a fucking terrorist straight up. Oh, okay.

People are addicted to hate and outrage. Yeah, they are. And they're addicted to like pointing out that it, oh, and they're calling us a terrorist. When I actually think, I mean, we, I know, we get it. We get it. Don't worry, bud. It's like, that's politics, bro.

What do you think? At this point, if they decide to change their attitude to be more positive, their audience would most definitely shrink. Anyways, I gotta go binge some episodes of my favorite podcast, the biggest problem in the universe. Keep being awesome. Okay, thanks buddy. episodes of my favorite podcast, the biggest problem in the universe. Keep being awesome. Okay. Thanks, buddy.

Isaiah says, I think that any communication about children, minors, and sexuality, whoa, is poisoned, is because the reason that many most people that get into the government, high authority positions do it so they can diddle kids and get away with it. Well, that's an interesting theory. We got like you know 75% of everybody in high office is a kid. Yeah, no 100% 51% yeah, a people who get into high authority positions do it so they can diddle kids. Not women? Kids? Yeah, right. Not young women? Just kids. Okay. Yeah, I don't know if that not to be what's the other 49% is like corruption and women. Traditionally women and 51% is kids. Wow. All right. Most normal. I have that forbidden fruit.

There's only one way to get it. I think it's easier than that. Yeah. Yeah, right? Just run like a babysitting service. Yeah, the flyers around town, free babysitter. It's the longest call on ever. Yeah.

Okay. I got to run for office. First, I got to be, I got to ingratiate myself to a rich family and benefactor. So they'll fund my run for town council. And then I'm going to take the momentum from town council, the assemblyman for the county is going to evacuate their seat. They're either retiring or moving into the state senate. I'm going to work with them to try to take their seat from them because they're not facing any challengers.

And once I get there, I'm a shoe in for state senator. Yeah. And they already, you already have a law degree, like you went to law school to become a lawyer to be in politics. Right. Because you're a pedophile. Yep. Most, most, and then I'll have those sweet, sweet kiddies to

dental a job that's not around kids. You're not really around kids that often as a women throwing themselves at you. Get away from me. Fowl, whore. Yeah, really saving myself for kids. So the only way to keep, but he could be right. He could be, he's probably right. All the big pedophiles are like, oh yeah, yeah, Dicks is gonna make fun of people who are uncovering our schemes. Good, good, good.

The only way to keep the kid dittling going is to make any talk about the problem of viral rage meme. So no action can be agreed with. Bro, the fucking peto hunters are so cringed. Just give them merit badges, like honestly. They're just brain dead. Johnny, they're all scout leaders for the merit badges. Oh, no, no shit. Like all the people with veto, we got them. Well, I mean, what you, you

think, you think that you, this is good. What you've done. Now you've got vetoes saying we, and you're reading it, you're interpreting it that he's a pedophile. Yeah. And you got him. So your job is over. Like did you, did you win one for the kids? Or like, what do you, lock me through it? Now they can walk away and live a, live a happy, well-adjusted life.

We got him. We got that son of a bitch. And now we're going to throw this screenshot up. So all I really wanted. Forcing kids to do the Holocaust. Hey, Dick, hey, Sean, first time, long time. Hope this isn't too long and interesting enough to read. We'll see.

Just got, just getting caught up on 290 and heard the part about the teacher forcing her students to reenact moments from the Holocaust. Yeah, that would be fun. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, man. If one of my teachers had said, okay, guys, take these permission slips, Tom, because we're going to be reenacting shit from the Holocaust all next week. I would have been like, this is going to be the greatest week of school of my life. And then they go back in with the permission slips and she's like, do you have zip papers?

Are we doing it? Does everyone do it? and she's like, do you I go back to my desk. My pussy sure feels different these days. That's what she was writing about in her diary, their dad cut out. Did you know that? Yes. Actually, sorry, I was distracted by your videos getting glitchy over here.

I don't know why. Oh, it is, okay. Yeah. I was reminded of my fourth grade teacher, I'm 38, so the year was 1990 something who did something similar. Ooh, she was black. And in February, she took two weeks to divide the class in half and one week would treat half the class in the most racist and disrespectful

manner possible. Wow, cool. And the other half with the utmost respect and courtesy, as much as one can with fourth graders. The sides switched after one week. Obviously showcasing how different white and black students were treated in her day. In her day, that bitch is fucking alive in 1990, whatever. Obviously, for the black side, she would knock their books off their desk, bump into them, call them names, and all manner of shit like that. It was fascinating. And something you absolutely could not get away with today. So she's like running around Stanford prison experiment in class. Yeah, right. I don't remember any type of permission slip being sent home. And any kid who didn't want to participate could opt out so to speak.

I do remember she was otherwise one of my favorite teachers. And when I ran into her relatively recently, we talked about it and had a good laugh. She called me the N word. Ha ha ha. It's one of those things that will always stand out in my memory. So in my opinion, all grade schoolers should be forced to reenact horrible events from the past.

Why stop at scholastic integrated racism and attempted systematic genocide? That's all, go fuck yourself. And thank you for not moving to Greenland. What did someone say something? Oh, that was her, Matty going, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. What do you think about that? Slavery, reenactments in school?

Sure, well, why not? You know, let me be pretty fun. Right? Yeah, as long as there's a permission slip, it all goes, it's all good. You gotta do like, you gotta make it statistically accurate too, because only the 1% in the South had shit loads of slaves.

Every other house had like one, maybe, like the middle class would have like one slave. So most of the class just has one of the people in the class was their slave, but then one person has like 20 of the classes their slave. Well, I think they get that 1% from like the title to the house. Like who, you know what I mean? Like families had slaves, but that was like, because there's one landowner. But like, you know, they'd lend them out, like, you know what I'm saying? Well, like rich cotton plantations wasn't the entire South.

That's not saying. Yeah. Okay. Like that's what slave, the bad slave, or the slavery they're talking about is like, one house didn't have like 20 slaves to help the guy do, like wash windows and shit, right? It was just, yeah, yeah, it was just some that had a hot industry, whatever, and tobacco industry that had, that had slaves working in the work.

That, yeah, the shit, shitty stuff that Irish people would do if you paid them, but there's no market for it, so they went west. Anyway. Okay, what else do I have here? Joseph Bowback. Ethan Butmier says, eight hours waiting for a COVID test. Hey, Dick, I heard you talking about how difficult

it is to get a test, COVID test. I wanted to share my experience. I needed a negative test from three days before a concert in order to get in. so I needed a rapid test. CVS, Walgreens, and every other place was out. Like that was booked, one to two weeks out. So I had to go to a patient first and lie about having symptoms in order to get a rapid test.

They told me I needed a wait in the parking lot for about two hours before they could see me, oh God. And advised me not to leave, because if they called me in and I wasn't there, they would skip me. I ended up being into parking lot from 11.45 AM to 5.00 PM. Then once I got the test, they told me the doctor would be right in with the results.

I sat in the office from 5.20 to 7.30 before the doctor arrived at my results. Basically, I wasted eight hours for a COVID test, which influences me to never get tested. You shouldn't be tested if you're not showing symptoms. That's the fucking dumbest thing of the whole pandemic. Is people thinking they could test if they're not having any symptoms

and it's negative and then that means something. That was what, that drove me, Krippin' of the most crazy of the whole pandemic. Go, got tested, I'm healthy. Yeah, you look healthy. Why would you not, why do we have so many fucking people being healthy, testing for what? And it doesn't mean shit, you get immediately get it.

I mean, all right, I'm healthy. Yeah, you don't, shit, you get immediately get it. Yeah, I mean, I'm healthy. Yeah, you don't, of course you're healthy because you look healthy. How many people were caught with, how many people were caught being healthy with COVID? And like, oh wow, can't believe it. Like what a tiny fraction of a percent, is it more than the false ones?

I can't see that. I don't even be possible. I don't know what percentage overall for all the different mutations and stuff, how many people with it are not showing symptoms. I mean, I think it's actually probably gone up because if you're vaccinated, you may not show symptoms at all. Yeah, I don't know. The healthy people testing is within the most frustrating part of this for me. Because before this COVID, people would look at that and go like, I'm not fucking, what do you mean test me?

For what? I don't feel sick. Yeah. Okay, you wanna do some advice? Yeah, sure. And I'm starting to sound a little sick. That might be the, we'll do some advice. Yeah, sure. And I'm starting to sound a little sick. It might be the, we'll do some advice and voicemails. Did I tell anybody to call in?

Kripple Jesus, did I tell you to call in? I'm talking to him. Yes, I did. Okay, what did I, Kripple Jesus, why did I tell you to call in? Here, hold on, I'm bringing you in. How you doing? Hey, what's up, buddy?

Can you hear me? Yeah, Sean, can you hear him? Yeah, can hear him, fun. All right, awesome. Why did I tell you to call in? So my mom has COVID and everyone around me is going insane. And I wanted to rage about it. Oh, yeah. Are you vaccinated?

I am not. What should I, everyone is going insane. Oh, yeah. Cause you already have so many health problems I like a little bit of COVID could kill you right probably yeah more than a danger to others because you're unvaccinated because I'm unvaccinated and you have wheels normally if you're unvaccinated you have legs and you get tired and you fall over and you can't infect people But you could go forever. I'm talking about a super spreader You're a WMD

Okay, so your mom has called does she have bad COVID or a little chair of mass destruction? chair of mass destruction. Well, my dad is an asshole. I told my dad about it. Well, I joined the club. You know, I'm like, wait a minute, wait a minute. I got it. Well, I don't, I got a shit on my dad for a minute. So my dad has made this turn in his old age that now he's all like, Mr. Empathy and

like he understands everything now. So we stopped, we dropped the dog off and the way to Vegas. And I was, I was annoyed at something and complaining about it. I was probably complaining, I was complaining about everybody flaking out on Vegas. So now I have to pay for the house. And he goes, yeah, I remember when I was your age, I was just angry about everything. But now I try to be a lot more cool about everything. Like I understand why they would do that. Like, you know, you're aggressive aggression was a lot easier to bear than you're aggressive empathy. Like I just want you to understand something

that you criticizing the way I am has been the only absolute thing here. Now you just call it something else. Like now you've just picked a new angle to criticize me. Now you just call it something else. Like now, now you've just picked a new angle to criticize me. Do you understand? Do you see that? You're, you're aggressive fucking empathy is much less tolerable than you're a threat than your aggressive criticism ever was. Goodbye. Thanks for watching our dog. Sorry, keep going to joy Do you ever have this problem with your dad? I'm sure you do like having a podcast at all where your dad thinks he'd miss their funny man

So I'm telling my dad that my mom's throat hurts and she tests positive for COVID. And he goes, you know, the throat hurt might be from something else. And he gives me that wink. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm scared of him. He's getting the pain.

My mom's broken. I'm joking. Yeah. He just looking at me for a laugh. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, that's my life I'm you're talking about. Yeah, I'm offended. But really what I wanted to rage about is that one of my family members is a nurse and

I think she caused all this panic in my mom about COVID, because my mom doesn't want to be around me for 10 days now, because she would end up in the ICU. And she called me and goes, your aunt is having a mental breakdown because people are dying of COVID at the hospital, she works at. And I'm just like, first of all,

if you work at a hospital and you have a mental breakdown because some people are dying, that's probably not the job. And for you. Yeah, yeah. You're not gonna change careers. It's gonna happen again.

They're not, they're not, they're not necessarily dead yet. Over like 60% of the people are just like 500 pounds. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And you can pass it off as COVID if you want to. Yeah. I'm not going to get into that. If you feel more comfortable saying that people are just

retarded fat asses, chain smoke all day. And then you can blame it on COVID. And I got a text message from my dad's sister that said, I don't want to be around you or your dad for the rest of the year because you might kill grandma. Mike Kilgramma. Because we're both the next news. Because you're both unvaccinated? Yeah. What kind of relationship do you have with grandma? I love my grandma. I'm a never killer.

You know, she has a trust month. So we do have a motive. Oh, we'll get a lot of money when she doesn't have it. Okay. What's a lie? I'm not trying to kill grandma. What's a lot of money? It's somewhere between 500,000 and 800,000. Oh, yeah, that's a lot. Nice. Nice. But because of my grandpa used to work for Cadillac back in the day.

And I guess he had just been sitting there. And he was like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like Cadillac back in the day and I guess he had just been saving like $200 a month since 1950 and the interest down there is pretty crazy. Can you get a black sand father? Oh, I wish. I wish I did. I loved women had sand, but no. Oh, I wish. I wish I did. I love lemon heads. But thank you, Dick. I wish. Sorry. You love lemon heads. Is that what you said? What's making a candle? I don't care. What's

lemon heads? What slang is that? That's a candy that old black man. Oh, okay. The candy. I know I didn't know that. Hey, I like lemon heads. Yeah, and I like Cadillac. It's just so crazy, though. My mother's on the phone crying because we have the clock. Oh, no. The whole and then I get called the conspiracy theorist by her you people are the ones that are taking the fun out of white because of a fool that kills the West people and the country for you. I had so I called my doctor trying to see if I could get Ivermectin because I thought

it would be funny. Whatever, like whatever, whatever, whatever you got. I know I see in the fucking news, you got resmedivator, whatever that you're doing. So I get through to my doc, the USC doctor. I'm like, yeah, look, don't, I don't know where you should tie. Am I understand that I have to drink water

and add villain all this shit? Like I'm not, this isn't the first time I got sick, but are you doing any kind of goofy treatments? I've ever macked in or whatever cocktail it is. Can you give me something like that? It goes now. But can I ask you why you're not vaccinated? And I said, yeah. Number, I said, look, I don't care about being sick of sucks,

but whatever, I'm not worried about dying from COVID. Forty healthy, I'm not worried about dying. But I 40 healthy. I'm not worried about dying. But I am worried about screwing up my heart. Like my grandpa died young ish from a heart attack. So I'm not like real eager to start tinkering around with my heart, with how good my heart's going to do. He goes, yeah, that makes sense. And I said, yeah, I know.

That was the end of the call. Thanks to the eye, no. That was the end of the call. That was the end of the call. Yeah, X-Men he goes, uh, yeah, that makes sense. Like, yeah, thanks. Goodbye. Thank you for that. Could you have been very sarcastic? I mean, I don't know how that can be.

Like, I don't know in what universe that doesn't make sense. I'm not worried about dying. I'm worried about how that can be. Like, I don't know in what universe that doesn't make sense. I'm not worried about dying. I'm worried about fucking up my heart. Oh, okay. Oh, sure. If you're not worried about dying, then you wouldn't care about the statistics. So, I mean, that's the statistics of what?

Well, you're much more likely to get myocarditis, pericarditis, any of that from COVID at any age than you are with from the vaccine. Where? Where does it say that? There's all kinds of stuff on it. There's all kinds of stuff that's on it. Myocard is from COVID?

Oh, yes. What are you kidding me? You can get myocard in this from a cold. Any virus can give you that. Yes, 30. You're saying as a young person, the risk of getting, as a young person, I'm sure overall, it's bad for COVID, but as a young person. Yes. The risk of getting as a young person. I'm sure overall it's bad for COVID, but as a young person, yes.

Yeah, my algorithm COVID. Yes, you can look at the vaccine. American Pediatric Association. Yeah, American Pediatric Association. Yeah, they've all got stuff on it. Oh, I don't know about that one. I do. I'd have to look at that one for young people.

I'm not overall. Yeah, they all say it's much greater risk. Okay. Well, what are you going to say, cripple Jesus? Oh, I was just going to say I don't get asked why I'm not vaccinated anymore by the doctor because I went in there one time and I told them I'm already crippled. I don't need to be retarded too. My doctor just gave me a look of distaste. That makes sense. How you doing at the tables? I'm not trying to quit. I have a lot of money to play the game. It's not a money issue. I'm just putting a lot of time into it.

Yeah, it takes a lot of time. Yeah, I'd like to diversify my free time a little bit. How are the horrors? How are the girls treating you? Oh, my dad is more into hormone in these days. Yeah, he just he casually is telling me and we're getting a treat burger that he doesn't have hooker money this week. And he's trying to get money out of you? No, he Just I think it's funny that's this is as a conversation Oh, he's like yeah, how you doing?

So it's a mother for me this week about all the hooker. I'm all out of hooker money. Oh Maybe you could go family style Well, I were actually I have a lot of money on the stand. So we're planning to go to the strip club. It's pretty much all prostitution upstairs. So we probably will make it a father son bonding experience. Well, that sounds fun. That sounds nice.

Do you have to wait for father's day to do that or can you do it for Black History Month? Oh, you definitely could. I want to go when Stanley Cup is on. I have a lot of money on the game. Okay. Okay. It's going to be fun to watch it there. Yeah.

Okay. Well, good luck, buddy. I hope your mom doesn't kill you. I hope she just, okay. She thinks like she's gonna die for real. I know. I know. Have you seen the surveys? No. Where like politically, like who thinks you have a chance of being hospitalized from COVID? For Democrats is like 25% chance. Can can call it 25% chance getting hospitalized, which makes sense because they all went in.

It was like 40% of the people in hospitals did not need to be there, but they just went in because they got so freaked out. Anyway. Yeah, it's just crazy man, all these people that were I thought were smart. They're just falling for this because that's what it says on the TV that if you go outside, you're gonna die. You're gonna do. There are moms. Go mom's hot. She's gonna be fine.

Thanks, son. I still need a new step dad. By the way, if you want to take me up on that. Well, be careful. Be careful, son. I won't give you much inheritance, but, you know, ha ha. Uh, there, CJ, they're asking me why you killed Gabby Petito. In the chat. What? Did you do that? Oh, I, uh, so for a while when everybody was freaking out,

I just changed my name to Gabby Petito's killer. Oh, yeah. And I got a bunch of messages from tricks about how that's not funny and I was like the most adulous. Yeah, I was like, no, I killed her with my own four wheels. She said she dead because I killed her and they had no response to me. It was hilarious. because I go there and they had no response. Yeah.

It was hilarious. Okay. Well, happy new year, buddy. Happy new year. Hopefully I can walk this year. That's my new year's resolution. Is that your goal this year to walk? Hopefully it comes through. What do we have to do?

Yeah, what I want to do about this. What do we have to do to get you walking? Well, it's, uh, I could go to therapy for steps, but I would just make a joke. I'll probably never, so we walk. I knew that you were making a joke. I mean, I was gonna ask another joke about what we could do. Well, maybe, um, there's cases like Mel Gibson's dad went to like Arden Tina for stem cells and he has a disease that was very similar to mine. It's not a healthy, but it affects the right side of your brain. So he pretty much had oxygen problem, the steward brain, which is right. But maybe if I get rich enough, I can go and get those baby feed.

This is a man I'll be able to walk. Really? So more abortions could help you walk. Yeah. So just keep aborting. So just keep aborting. You might have bad approval. Don't think it's, have you got stem cells from like umbilical cords and stuff? Yeah, but it's take, it's a pain in the ass. It's easier just to get them out of the abortions.

Just yeah, crack the, crack the skulls and suck out the juice. Funny or two? It's fun because everybody loses their mind. I'm like, oh, you can't do that right yeah okay you mind you might plug my pie yeah please go for it so we got a patreon we just did a cross over show with Carl about this guy where he was who the like, Internet badass who brags about his friendly stories. Why don't that guy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's also doing, you're like this. He's doing the Maddox thing when he starts a podcast to fuck his female co-hosts. That's like 30 years younger. And he is. Yeah. That's the purpose of the podcast.

So the whole time he's just hitting on her very awkwardly. But yeah, me, Adam and Carol, we go through that show. It's on our Patreon at WGA Shit Show. We like that. Okay, patreon.com slash WGA Shitshow. Okay, Patreon.com slash WGA shitshow. Yep. Okay. All right.

Thanks, buddy. Go check it out. Thanks. Oh, God. Zach, Zach can call it. Can Zach call in next week? Thanks, cripple Jesus. Hold on.

Let me get this guy Zach gone for a minute. Hey, Zach, I know you're gonna call in about a some psycho accusing you of gang raping her, but can you do it next week? Like honestly, my head feels very weird this whole time. And Sean's- I can try and call in next week, that's the problem. I wasn't even sure if I could do the show today.

I know I invited you on. I really wanna hear your story, but I just have so much COVID in my head. And apparently I have heart disease too, if Sean's saying that it's worse even to have, that you're horrible. It's very possible. I'm like, Sean's saying that it's even worse

what I'm doing now to my heart. Can you call it next week? Yeah, I'll call it next Sunday. That's no problem. Okay, thanks buddy. Sorry about that. Yep. Goodbye.

Okay, do you want to do voicemails or advice? What do you wanna do, Sean? Um, time is it? 152, mom, mod on. Coming up on two hours, we actually started right on time too. All right, let's do voicemail. So impressed. Very impressive today, Dick.

Pulling it together. Thank you. Even testing with me early and yeah. Look at that shit. I know. You're really on. Pulling it together. Thank you. Even testing with me early, and yeah, look at that shit. I know. You're really fun. I'm getting the hang of this thing. I gotta give it to you.

Hard men are working hard. Let's play a hard men working hard song and then do voice mills. Yeah. I don't know my weight. Pomp, we've just be yourself. I don't think we've listened to that one. Okay, everybody.

This has been the Dixho, Patreon.com slash the Dixho. There's a bonus episode up there right now where we listen to Maddox's traditions of waking up early as a kid and filming himself, opening his own Christmas presents in the hopes that his parents would want to watch it later in the day and they didn't. That's what the bonus episode was. Go check it out at patreon.com slash the dick show.

This is Hardman Working Hard. Just be yourself. Fff. They're on Patreon too. What you should know. Dude, that's spiders! Hey, what? Shit! Lemme check my script! Head cut, button down, chin up, chest down! Look at the rise and stare too much now! Tight grip ease up! Play cool, young buck first!

Inbression now, one shot, done! Flug drive to stop that one drink thrown back! Shit man, how many was that? Keep track, I'm slacked, sit up and relax! Paddock, are you mannequin, you getting wet? You're fracked! Focus! Get your mind on the low kiss now!

Don't choke on the moment, broach us! Numb to shit ain't hopeless! Now I never told the low kiss now Don't choke on the moment, bro, just know this shit ain't hurtless Now I never told the fat bitch sings a rupus I don't think that's how that goes Who cares, she's staring, remember the joke I don't know when he jokes, fuck, okay Well, remember what they say, kid Just be yourself, just be yourself

That's what they say That's what they say Just be yourself and everything will be okay Talk, just be yourself, just be yourself The standard line The standard line Just be yourself and everything will turn out dry I'm trying to apply a hearing of the time

Why? Maybe they believe it deep down inside I don't know the machinations of the fucked up mind Do they really think that she flies? Good advice Maybe I can try it on the sides and go outside When my dick hanging out to dry feels nice Look at me, you're my never-gotten guy, how do you miss? Would you like another slice of apple pie? Bitch, I don't even like myself, cuz he can show someone knows

Dragon meat's a minor in hell, how to go well? You know the G-Mam, yeah, that'll be swell! Come ride in and take a look at myself, watch your step now, don't mind the spell or something's off. Now how can you tell? What about this nightmare, setting up barrels, bitch? Just be yourself, just be yourself, that's what they say That's what they say Just be yourself and everything will be okay Just be yourself, just be yourself, this stand in line

Stand if I just be yourself and everything will turn out fine Just be yourself, just be yourself, I'll refrain I'll refrain, just be yourself, have a refrain, have a refrain Just be yourself and everything will be okay Just be yourself, just be yourself, but I have to ask What happens if myself is suck, you fucking cuss What about them, tell me now friend, how's my fairy tale land My footprints are all I get fucked like a bitch of two feats

Maybe I should wear that shit, maybe not six Maybe I'm sick, maybe I'm get fucked like a bitch of two feats Maybe I should wear that shit Maybe not six Maybe I'm sick Maybe I'm too fucked up to live I'm not meant to win Should I call the quits and make my ex-aid? Come on, go aflash! But you don't have enough to cease to exist If I end a quick and can spare the sting of pain regret

No, they're your full thing Take your walk and someone else to tear So hold the pen Lean in, wash me spin And I'm on the brink Take new hostages You watch your kids, knee trick, watch your dick, Top in here, I need more oxygen, please!

Just be your oxygen, is that all he said or oxygen? That's what they say, just be yourself in the ring. Come on, I'm catching, we'll be okay. I just be your self-man-working hard-dog, Just stand in front of us, man. Stay down, there we go. Hard-man-working hard-dog, he. He's, he's some voicemails. Hey there, Patience.

So what makes me a rage is those fucking tail lights that have blinked like three times when you're at a stop. Like I'm in a fucking traffic jam. And all I do is watch this cascade of like i i think it's like subaru and maybe both wagons or toiot or there's only a couple of them maybe it's for the Mercedes-Benz

bink and then you see the next star bink bink like we're fucking talking to each other bink bink bink bink and then you notice more and then and then it's you know the middle of fucking night and so all you can see

it like if there's one right in front of you that's the worst like i've already turned around it went fucking long way the extra long way to work because i could not possibly sit and look at this fucking trove in my face anyway that's it. Have a good one, guys. Go practice. I've never seen that. You mean lights that like light themselves up? Is he talking about like, so when it's on a, at a stoplight where you're sitting, you know, resting the thing just flashes three times to let you know that they're still stopped or something?

Did I, huh? It's totally gloss over that. Maybe that's, maybe that's what cars are doing. Look, if my my girlfriend's car is asking her if she wants to pull over to buy coffee, anything's possible. Your truck's asking if you want another beer. Look, I got it right here. Do you remember when we went to Costa Rica and that nice couple picked us up after that big party and they had a cold, they had a beer cooler and like built into the car.

That was it. Yeah, right? It was a can-sized, refrigerated compartment in the car. Yeah. And they picked this up. They're like, here you go. And they pushed it down. It was like fucking James Bond. You guys are going to need these. That's a good. Uh, did we drink the entire case of Imperial on the fishing trip after that part of your before? I think it was after. Oh, wait, wait, oh, you, you mean the fishing trip? Which day that was? Yeah. I think it was after that. Man,, wait. Oh, do you mean the fishing trip, which day that was?

Yeah, I think it was after that boy. Man, I don't know. They're all the same to me. That was great. Oh, that was a fun trip. That was a fun trip. Hey, Dick, the guy that called in with the men's swerve house was close, but I think he missed what you really need out of that place.

It's not so you can go in and swear so that you can go in and some customer service asshole purposefully tries to give you the run around. I mean, no matter what it is, maybe it's like they pretend they're a comcast store, whatever your cable provider or internet provider is. And you go in there and you go, hey, man, my fucking internet isn't working. I need you to fix it. And they start with the normal run-around you get from these places like, oh, there's nothing we can do to help you, sir.

There's no fear you're going to have to move along. But the service this place provides, is you take all that frustration from all those other places, that imputed rage, where you just scream at a customer service rep and they go at whatever i don't need to worry about this may hang up on you this place actually has to cave to you and make you feel like you've got somewhere

so you can bring your wife or your girlfriend or all i want to i failed everything else i didn't like but what hey fuck you i want my money back at the home right away. So right away, you're like 200 bucks at a time. And 100 bucks pays for the service. And they give you $100 cash and they feel like a big man. I think it's a billion dollar idea, man. He's so close.

You're right. Is your so right? Like the the trope of like setting up a mugging when you're on a first date with a girl. Like how come that doesn't exist for real? Yeah. I mean, you could juicy, small, yay. Yeah, juicy, juice, juice, juice.

E small, yay, dot, small, dot, yay, juicy, small, dot, yay, set up a fake hate crime or a mugging or whatever. They're handing you money. Like, yeah, yeah, no, know, there's part of your tip. Yeah, you got it. This guy's done a lot of thinking about this. It's a pretty fully realized idea. Well, it's like that, like a fake mugging and quicksand.

I thought I would have a lot more experience in my life when I was a young man. Like, oh man, you're gonna be able to fake muggings and shit, and you're gonna have to deal with quick, you're gonna have to know how to get out of QuickSand. What was that such a thing when we were kids? I don't know how many kids encounter QuickSand. None!

Never! I was like, Never in a Gouging QuickSand. Make sure you spread your body out. Like don't struggle. Just, yeah! What the fuck? I was sure I was going to encounter Quixand.

I couldn't wait. I couldn't fucking wait to encounter Quixand. Quick, quick, quick, and the fake muggings. But then one guy tries to fake a mugging, Juicy Smiley A, and everybody treats him like shit, but it's fun. Why would he not, why would he not wanna do that? And why would you not want people

faking hate crimes and muggings? It's hilarious. And how did he not get a subway sandwich deal out of that? Exactly. God cold-cut combo. Maybe delicious. God. If subway is not funny at all because because Jared Jared took all the starch out of what he did They have Jared and there's a film fucking frisky. We're gonna get Jared out here He's fucking he's capping people. He's making fun of people. Yeah, we're the sandwich of the people and then he had all that Trot pornography. God a lot. I mean no

No, he was like wasn't he was trying or was meeting kids, right? Yeah, he was probably, yeah, he knew the problem was the problem was that enough people, enough crusaders weren't arguing with him on Twitter, and busting him on, uh, messages where it made, maybe he looked like a pedophile. That's the problem. That's the problem. It's true. It was all these people who are anti-petophile defenders. We're not out there on mass like they are now.

Fucking giving ocular patdowns to Vito. Right. Yeah, don't you guys ever let it happen again. Don't ever vigilance your watch. Vigilance, vigilant times create pedophile men. Hahaha. I'm so over the right. I'm so over politics now, Sean. Oh man, they're getting so weird.

They're getting so fucking weird. It's like, no, you guys are fucked. Trump was cool. All you guys are fucked. You guys are real fucking weird, saying weird shit all the time. Anyway, all right. Let's see here. Hey, Dave, hey, Sean. You guys are real fucking weird saying weird shit all the time. Anyway, all right. Let's see here.

Hey, Decaixion, here's what makes me a real political. COVID is right now. Oh, rather, it's always been political, but no. Yeah. It's even more so. What makes me a rage about it is just that I just don't want to get sick period, right? You know, so I might decide not to go to certain events, you know, where there's like a bar People like crowd around or you know, hey, I'm getting notifications from work that people are coming in, you know

With the work's different and then like works a hotbed of co-be I don't get sick But I'm going out to bars. You know, I just choose not to go to these things because, you know, I just want to get sick. But people give me this stupid fucking response of, oh, you don't have to leave your wife in fear. You don't have to, you don't have to, you don't have to be living your life in fear. You don't have to, you don't have to be living your life in fear. You don't have to, you don't have to be living your life in fear.

You don't have to, you don't have to be living your life in fear. You don't have to, you don't have to be living your life in fear. You don't have to, you don't have to be living your life in fear. You don't have to, you don't have to be living your life in fear. You don't have to be living your life in fear. You don't have to be living your life in fear. You don't have to be living your life in fear. You don't have to be living your life in fear. your whole life and everything is like, Motherfucker, I'm not afraid of COVID. I'm not afraid of anything. I just flat out don't want to get sick. If it wasn't even COVID, I'd still react to the same way if a bunch of coworkers came in with like fucking, you know, the common cold or even like fucking strep throat. Oh, hey, okay, I'm not coming into the office. No, no, no, no. Fucking sick. If people have to turn this around as if like,

Oh, yeah, life is sick. as to. A great living is life. A great living life on hold. I'm not. I just don't want to fuck you. Get sick. Go fuck yourself. Nah, as you're coping for it, you're, sounds like you're afraid to live your life because of COVID.

Okay. Here's what makes Nita rage. When you get your power bill and outcomes this bar graph showing a much energy by home use. And that's energy and efficient home uses. There are some tips to reduce energy consumption. That's a feel bad. Yeah, fuck you email.

You're passionate about what you do. Fuck you. Tell your energy company to someone who simply wants to sell me power and go plants of staff. Do you even know how many people live in my house? Maybe I use less for capital. Kill yourself. I should be funny. About that. I don't question the manner in which you provide it. A few good men. They are all that's coming in out of there. That was good. They always are sending me graphs, the power company. And now my thermostat, the Nest thermostat's also sending me graphs.

Oh man, you did him. Here's your savings. Here's how much power you're not using. Bitch, I'm trying to use power. I was gonna say, it's really throwing your failures right in your face. Where's the toggle that says, how many, how many crams and more people in my house? Man, at least you got that Airbnb review. Yeah, make you so tailed better.

This guy said I used to hold tank of propane. Ha, ha, ha. Can you believe that fucking idiot? What a day. Here's Steven left, you review right away. Would you like to, if you wanna see it, you gotta leave him a review. All right like to, if you want to see it, you got to leave him a review. All right. Yeah, it was great. Hit enter. You can't change this review. This is forever,

honest. Here you, oh, brrr, here's Steve's review. You motherfucker. So that guy's immediately filed a chart. I've said, like, oh, yeah, I request, I'm requesting a $700. said like, oh yeah, I request, I'm requesting a $700. Not. Totally. That guy sounds completely autistic. OCD or something. That's fucking asshole. Put the heater, the heater, heater.

Tell them about the heater. Yeah, you know, I'm sure everybody knows. I'm really sick. If why did you even have a spa? I mean, this much of a fucking brick about it. Just put it to the spot. There's a spot. Just put that the spa is broken.

You know, yeah, it doesn't work. It's permanently offline. So it's not even a little lock on you. The best part about Vegas was going to this woman owned, we went to this pizza kitchen or this kitchen, whatever, I don't know, rest, some kind of hipster restaurant where they bring in a bunch of new people to make stuff all the time. And Ralph is giving, I'm ripped on acid.

And Ralph is giving this impression of a guy running a wet t-shirt contest, like a Ralph running a wet t-shirt contest. He's doing like all of the things that he would say there, like he's pretending to do it, you know? But he's from the South, right? And he's like, oh, he's smuggling those things, like screaming at the top of his lungs in this yellow brush on the head that had a woman-owned sticker.

I'm out of the building. Good, hard. So, like the two worst people on the planet for carrying on just got kicked out of minions. I was so funny. Jesus. That's on film somewhere. No, thank God. It's not. Oh. Dick, you're so fucking annoying. I've been listening to you for like 800 fucking episodes. What's it about, COVID? And every fucking episode, you have to have a fucking drink every 20 seconds

like a fucking baby. Fucking on the nipple of the fucking mom. Like every time you talk you're like and you have a fucking audio engineer which is going with great by the way. So why the fuck can't he cut that shit out? Oh, you know what you know how many I do? And every time that somebody else does something you're to be like and then do you that? I'm tired of hearing that shit. Oh shit. I'll cut it. I'll cut them all out. It's professional. Seriously, what is this fucking amt shower man? God damn dude. Dick, I love the show, but I think he's drunk. He's drunk.

It's a show about drinking. You know what other hard ones to get out are if you do it, somebody else talking up yet, he's still going. Okay. There he goes over. Yeah. Yeah. I cut a lot of those out, but thanks, but not, not all all if I'm sometimes I'm just bouncing out sections.

I guess I'll drink. I mean, you know, I'm going to do, I'm going to put a chain on my beers like at the bank. So they're there of like, I can't pull them to the mic. So I have to lean all the way over it like over here to drink. Right. I could bank chain, pen, you know, I was I usually cut throat clears to That's probably not as annoying as a drink That's pretty annoying. Yeah, sometimes you have ice and like a coffee or something and it rounds around the metal thing That's not my fault Okay, one two two more. Sure. Hey, Dick, I got an Array for you.

People who just got into hobbies and are trying to sell them on you super hard. Yeah. I get this guy at work who just got into like high-end headphones and he's like trying to keep telling me, oh, you need to buy these 700s, oh, you need to buy these, these high-payment, oh, you need to play your magnetic dynamic oh electro static all this bullshit I'm like bro you listen on Spotify my out of a fuck I just was it on my side them yeah I don't know man it's it's always some expensive action to try to get you into and then in three months they don't even talk about it anymore yeah

fucking it also side no when are you gonna start a contact to see who gets and then in three months, they don't even talk about it anymore. Yeah. Fucking it. Also, side note, when are you gonna start a contact to see who gets to donate you part of a liver? Oh! That's gonna come up eventually, man. Just probably get the ball rolling on that. Anyway, no fucking stuff, Sean. No.

Love you, man. Love you too. You live or can recover once you stop drinking. It's pretty resilient. Yeah. I mean, even, usually even resilient. Yeah, I mean it even usually even hardcore alcoholics. I mean it takes a while. For your liver to go bad. Well, I mean, yeah, for you to your eyes turn yellow.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to that's like a that's of when you really need to stop. When your eyes turn yellow. Yeah. I'm waiting for that. I figure I'll wake up one day and my eyes will look like the Simpson's. I'm like, oh, shit. I want to think about cutting back, cutting back a little bit. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

It's. Okay, one more. Yeah. Oh, yeah, this is a good one. Dave Shaw, I'm done with everything think you're for not killing yourselves. When you have a piece of rice or an oatmeal or whatever, get stuck in your throat, you cough it up into your nostril. You sniff it back down into your larynx, cough it back up, over and over repeating for larynx. I hate it so much. Did you say larynx? I think so, yeah.

That's a weird one. Yeah, larynx. What did you say here, buddy? Did you say larynx? Like a tag like a lager? Into your larynx. Larynx. Into your larynx.

Caught it back down. Into your larynx. Larynx. I mean, that's hardly the most egregious mispronunciation. That's not the most egregious thing I've ever heard. I mean, maybe he didn't spend much time at the library, larynx. All right, open up, son.

I need to take a look at your larynx. You're not a doctor. Ha, ha, ha, ha. All right, your pants off. All right, your pants off. I'm gonna hire pants off. What? They are? Uh-oh.

You might be suffering from a huge gay disease. I thought I was a sea panning. I was. We were on Zoom. See ya, thank you. Come high. you