The Dick Show - Episode 294 - Dick on The Honkening

Episode Date: January 31, 2022

The Honkening, Addidas sponsors a fat woman lying down, knock-off clothes for Valentine's Day, twenty years of soft weiners on HBO, antiwork and the jannies who ruined it, Batman guns for cops, a guy kills his dad, dating while blind, "it was fate" that you broke your foot, and some Patty C Cups stand-up; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

I look a little red, but old and dead. I feel like it. Yeah. Uh, so I'm like, this is going to be the end of me, broken foot. I'm going to be like 67 and break my leg or something. You say, fuck it. I'm out of here. Bwch.

There's no, no chance. I'm dealing with this shit at that age. Yeah. No possibility of bouncing back like, ah, fuck, fuck this. Everything fucking takes longer. Doesn't heal as good. Mm-hmm. It's the degradation just over the years is.

I'll be a criminal anyway by then. But just self-driving trucks will be wrecking into each other all day. On the road, it'll be illegal to into each other all day on the road. It'll be illegal to talk about it, of course. Sure. Sure. You won't be able to yell at computers. Google just disappears here.

Yeah. Yeah, Google, you're gone. I'll be using Google with a bunch of other white supremacists. Right. Where you have to, where the tweet button is replaced with just the N word. That's the alt-right platform. Yeah, just, well, the N word without an E. Just GR at the end.

Okay. We're a freedom loving speech platform. Like, yeah, no, I got it. Yeah, I got it. I got it. I got you. Eating bugs. The bugs, eating the bugs is the least of our problems. Yeah.

The bugs eat bugs in this cause of way. Sure. You got it. You'll find them up. If only. I'm eating and I mean, you know, why not? Yeah. Self-driving cars that don't work, computers that have rights.

Oh. And fat fatness as far as the eye can see. The only women under 300 pounds, you'll have to pay a subscription to see in FedCoin. Yes, FedCoin. That's common. After they get rid of all the other crypto. After they're all illegal.

Yeah, well, illegal for you and me. Yeah, man, that guy, man, could still have. We've talked about it's like, you know, the laboratory grown meat, you know, who's still gonna be eating real meat? In the future? Yeah. The lab grown meat?

Yeah, I mean, that's expensive. No, but imagine the car being, however they do. They're being blown. In China, they're gonna be eating meat off of each other's backs. Well, what I'm saying is if they, you know, they're gonna, the people who make the laws, it's never really going to affect them. Oh, yeah. They're still going to eat beef from an actual cow. Of course, they're going to get whatever they tell

us is beef. Yeah. And there will be no truckers to save us in the future, Sean. Are you kidding me? There will be no truckers to save us. They'll be erased by Pete Butt plug or whatever his name is. They're, you think they're seeing the great honking that's happening across the North and saying, well, guess we just better bend over and get fucked up the ass by truckers. I know Pete booted judge is probably making a probably that probably excites them. He's like, oh, don't threaten me with a good time. And they're like, settle down, you fucking twink. This is serious. These guys could grind our whole country to a fucking halt.

We got no time for your butt jokes. Pete, we gotta end this white supremacist threat to the government of America. Gotta replace them, shit, with self-driving trucks. Call Elon up. How the self-driving truck's doing? Not well, fuck it, roll them out. We're not there yet.

Are they working better than the vaccine that doesn't work? Fine, roll them out. You know, I got, do you know YouTube canceled the deleted episode of the biggest problem last week? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, cause you said something about that. Sack it, don't sell the vaccine, heart attack, and is in hell and is burning in hell forever.

Right, accurate on all fronts. Yeah, yeah. And then they put it back. Sagitton, I'm a vaccine heart attack and is in hell and is burning in hell forever. Right. Accurate on all fronts. Yeah. Yeah. And then they put it back. Did they put it back for some reason? Maybe because they took a look at it and went, oh, he's obviously retarded. I also, like, look at him.

Look at how fat, look at how fat he is. I think you said, what did you say on the bonus episode? You're like, you have to understand that I have no information. No, I have none. I read stuff and then I give you my, what did you say on the bonus episode? You're like, you have to understand that I have no information. No, I have none. I read stuff and then I give you my opinion on it. It's not information. Yeah, that's not the set,

did I say that on the bonus episode? Something like that. It's not information. Yeah, it's just my opinion. I don't create information. I have information on stuff I do. That's it. Yeah, yeah.

Just like the fucking news. They don't have any information. They're just like, well, this guy said, this guy said this. Here's what I think about that. What do you guys think about that? Well, the news has become in the last 20 years. It's become all editorializing. Sure. We don't want to speculate, but and then proceed to speculate for 15 minutes. Here's the expert. What do you think? I don't know. What do you think about that guy? Yeah. Oh my God. It's time. So Rogan's shit. Yeah, there are people are winking out about. No, no. People are dumber than Joe Rogan. Well, here's the thing. God forbid all the boomers remove their fucking music from streaming services so that God forbid a Gen X or a millennial could possibly occupy

someone's ear space. God fucking forbid that I can go one day without hearing the same 10, 60s and 70s rock songs on my on whatever streaming platform. That's rock. They just you. Oh my God. Alexa, play electronic, alien funk. Sure. There and there and there and there and there. Wow. How did that end up on there? Alexa, Jesus Christ. I'll gladly eat the bugs. I think the problem, people are trying to put band-aids on something that requires more than that. Well, that's, this country, part of why people are stupid

and are prone to garbage information and acting on it is because people, we celebrate the wrong fucking thing. We care what celebrities think. We care what entertainers think. Joe Rogan has actually said these words. He goes, don't listen to me. I'm a moron. Yeah, but that's what he has what super smart people say.

And he was talking about. I'm a moron. Yeah, but that's what he has what super smart people say. And he was talking about. Yeah, yeah. We're talking about, I mean, Joe Rogan, I find him very entertaining. I love most of his interviews. He's really good at shutting up and letting the person talk. I've never listened to a show. I can't take how slow he talks.

Yeah, it depends on what it is. And I cannot listen to drug to DMT talk. Yeah. Oh God. All that shit is a lie. All the aliens and goblins and watchmakers that come out and tweak your nuts or whatever. So I'll fucking myth. The problem with Joe Rogan to me is he suffers from,

and I've noticed this for a long time with people who I know, who are very, they're functional people, but they're long, long, long time pot heads. And there's, what happens is you start thinking just a little bit left or right of what the actual thing is, you get a little lazy and you fixate on what you think. So you're always a little prone, not usually not to wild conspiracies, but to stuff that, oh, wait a minute. That is, but it's like, no, it's you overlook the stuff that negates it. It's just, it's very difficult to describe, but you tend to believe. What does he believe?

You stop looking at the rest of the iceberg. Uh-oh. It's kind of like that. Like for a rock. Like he was like, no, the maliging thing. Like, oh, did he say no, moon landing? Yeah, but he's back on the, yeah, okay, I think that's the real thing now.

Oh, you know? You know, I mean, stuff like that, where, you know, I've got to come up with a good example. I'll try to think of it. But I've got a couple of buddies who are kind of just like that. Well, all of a sudden you're like, oh, that's weird, that's out of left field.

It's just, it's a little bit off. And I think it's a lazy thinking. Yeah. Did you see Jordan Peterson going to show in a fucking tuxedo? What the fuck was that? These are adults. This is an adult man going on a show,

going like he's going to a fucking prom date. Why did he show up on a tuxedo? He's a fucking idiot. That's why. Because all these people are fucking idiots. Well, here's another thing. A lot of people who get famous, quote unquote, later in life,

they, they get more, they take a little, like fame ruining the young. It's like, people who get, you know, Bill, nine, those, just people, those people, they love the attention because they've always been, you know, they've always been known as being smart or whatever, but they would much rather be famous, which is why you get, you know, fucking dipshit, what's a Tyson fucking pontificating on everything that has no idea what he's talking about, or Bill Nye or Peterson or other people who got famous in their like 40s, 50s and 60s. I've noticed that.

Joe Rogan, he's a threat to the end. We gotta take him down. Don't, is this like Jesus happening? Is this what happened in Jesus? I don't know. I honestly wanna know. Is this what happened to Jesus? Is this what they're going?

I kinda think that, I kinda think certain individuals are like roping everyone in for a scam. Like maybe you don't need to be, maybe the city's not that important, maybe the, maybe these guys are taking advantage of you and the Roman Empire is like, well, we got our top experts in here that say this guy's a crank.

It is, Joe Rogan's Jesus. Sure, there. Is that thing? Hey. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. But the honking is upon it.

Yeah. Have you been watching that? I'm not really. So funny. Tell me about it. Oh, yeah. Welcome again. You need to get lucky.

You got it. It's a show. It's a contest coming to you live from Mountain Bugger deep in the heart of Yeah! Welcome again, you need to get lucky. You got it, it's the show, it's the contest coming to you live from Mountain Bugger, deep in the heart of the studio, failure. I mean, how's it going to take back, so the NK, the $20 million man? Joining me is always this world touring

belly-based comedian, Sean the audio engineer. Hello dick. What's up buddy? How you doing? Road rage tickets, sir. I think sold out, maybe not sold out, I don't know, I might just find a couple more tickets in there. Hide some people behind some seats, in a trench coat. I don't know what kind of weight rating these

seats have. Maybe they're rated for 300 pounds. Maybe we could charge tickets by the pound. It's not a number of people, but you have to pay for your weight. So you have to pay, there's a 300, you know, you put in your weight and then we figure out how much the ticket costs, because that's how much physical space you're gonna take up in there. You count for one and a third people. It's all bench seats and you just pay by the foot.

Because, right? That's how that's the world I wanna live in. The seat, really, you're charging people by the seat because I see a lot of people who are spilling out, you know, this guy is paying the same as me. Air planes. I don't think so. We're charging by the foot from now on.

Nick Riccata's gonna be there. Oh yeah, that's right, cool. How all the luch yurt? Josh Denny's gonna come too. Josh Denny's gonna come. Josh Denny came in that comedian. He's got a big, you were red hair. I'm sure I would have a fat guy.

Yeah. What was he on the food network? Yes. Oh yeah. Okay, cool. He's got, he's in an argument with Trevor Noah right now over who's more black or something like that. Really?

Yeah, he's going to come in next week and talk. I don't know, he was pretty black when he was here. Wasn't he? I thought so. Yeah. Black or Ned She I don't know. He was pretty black when he was here. Wasn't he? I thought so. Yeah. Black or Ned Sheeran. Yeah. He was. Blacker than Trevor Noah, the millionaire.

Yeah. Yeah, right. The thing is like talking about, I don't know, Trevor Noah, he didn't even grow up here. It's a hell to see. He's been in this. He's been in this. He's been in South Africa. South African.

I think South Africa. South Africa. I think I don't know. He's like, oh, he's arguing. I've probably seen maybe five minutes of him total. And that was too much. A daily show, right? Yeah.

I don't know. I think the only, I mean, the daily show was good. The show was good. The show was the only good host of that show. Craig Killborne. Did he do the daily show? Yeah, he's the one that started it.

I remember. Well, I remember Killborne. Killburn was like, talk soup too. To Monji, right? No, who sportscaster? Well, I know, and then, and then talk soup. Oh, was he? Yeah. Yeah.

I just remember John Stewart. You do? Yeah, he's the one I was thinking of when I think of a daily show. Trevor Noah is saying Josh Jenny's like, Oh, he's a black man in America, right? What does he know? Don't you think that's a little odd? What an army to tell you about the big experience in America? Like you've only been here as a millionaire, bro. What do you mean? Yeah, you're not in New York. What are you talking about? You don't have to weigh in. Yeah.

Oh, you're on Black, Meen, and America. What do you mean, like, say, they, Steve? I don't know about that, man. Like his ancestors came from Africa. That's about it. As far as what's an African American, I suppose. As what, you know, if he's a citizen, I guess. I mean, the only then would he be called African-American.

Not Jenny really goes hard on him, though. Does he? Yeah. It's great. Yeah, I don't, again, whatever. Yeah, I mean, I would guess like a guy, a black guy who grew up here, like I'm probably gonna put more stock into like what is, what he says his experience.

Well, he's not black. I know. Yeah. He's just been around. You know, you can tell like something, you're like, oh, you grew up with a lot of black guys you're doing business with a lot of, like, I don't know. This seems like, yeah, he's got a lot to say on it. More than Trevor Noah's ass, whatever.

Let me see. What else? I'm so burnt out on anything race related. Really? Yeah. Aren't you? Yeah. I'm, I'm burnout, yeah. I'm burnout on, on all that stuff. I'm burnout on COVID.

I'm burnout on, you burnout on COVID. I'm burnout on everything. Are you burnout on, are you burnout on, uh, gender stuff? You got a little room in the tank for some gender stuff, Sean? I think I'd always do some of that. How about, cause that's how I'm making, I'm making, many mouse in pants pants in a Hillary Clinton's pants suit. Oh, really?

Wanna see that? Sure, of course I do. Sure, let's go right into that. Here, I got, I got this for you. You got a little gender studies in the tank. Minnie Mouse is ditching her iconic red dress for a pants. Uh, whoa, look at that. Madam, Madam President.

Oh, beautiful. Stella McCartney design. Yeah, that's hilarious. You're signed by Stella McCartney. To be what the little girl wants. To be what the little girl wants. Isn't that great? You can put your name on a drawing

and that's like, fuck, I'm restarted. This is brought to you by Stella McCartney. Good God. Is that the one that has one leg? No, that was married. That was Heather Mills. Oh, that was married to bitch. She was horrible.

She was horrible. She was horrible. She was horrible. Right. I used to tell Stella's a daughter. I used to tell my nephews that they would go through all their Mickey Mouse, like toys, the little figures, right? Yeah. And they were little. They were introducing mouse, like toys, the little figures, right?

When they were little, they were introducing that, like, mainly, this is Pluto and this is scoopee. And this is Mickey. And this is Minnie. And I said, that's not Minnie. Who Minnie? No, that's Mickey wearing a dress, like for laughs. And they were like, oh yeah, my sister would get annoyed by my stuff.

Right. And she's like, look, mommy, it's Mickey wearing a dress. So that's how they would do it from that on was look It's Donald Pluto goofy Mickey and Mickey wearing a dress for some reason because he thinks it's funny. It's funny now. It's Mickey wearing pants Yeah, not funny at all. No So I'm gonna be like the new like Gazette Yeah, Who knows? Well, they'll see if it sticks. Maybe they'll bring back the classic mini for, yeah.

Just putting shit on in the news for idiots. Another news. Pac-Man is now wearing a bow. Goofy, trot, this Pac-Man. But don't make fun of it at all. Right. Because his name's Goofy. Yeah.

Actually, you can't laugh at that. So Ralph got really tuned up in Portugal. Yeah. Let me find to the point where you showed it on the crossover episode, like my reaction was like, oh, oh, my God, that was a great episode. Yeah. The W-A-T-P crossover episode. I think that's probably one of my favorite things that have

ever, that have come out of this show. Well, this? No, not Ralph Gooding is the ass kick, no. That's what I heard. The WATP crossover episodes where we did Spanko, the adult spanking fetish podcast, and answered the question conclusively to never spank your kids. Yeah. Cause they will grow up into these spank craving weirdos, going to back alley, going to dark, clandestine destinations, looking to with the complicated

arm band system to see who's a spanker and who's a top spanker and who's a bottom spanky. And who's of what vanilla or whatever vanilla spanker? Or and who's a bottom spanky and who's of what vanilla or whatever vanilla spanker or just who's a vanilla that's like that they're like, it's, they're like muggles, right? Or whatever. Yeah, they're like muggles. Yeah, I just say muggles.

Um, you probably can't say who's a BBW spanker. Yeah. Who's an old, who's an old time spanker? Oh, yeah, there's some old time spankers. Yeah. Scott was recording fucking spankings on real to real. Yeah. I said, this guy, what did he say?

That old man who was doing it, says he was recording. He'd bring a bunch of friends over as a teenager and like the 20s or whatever, and then record real to real, the audio of them spanking each other. And he would say it's but busting time. It's ass busting time.

And he sounded like Ronald Reagan. I swearusting time. It's ass busting time. And he sounded like Ronald Reagan. I swear to God, it's ass busting time. It's ass busting time. God, that was funny. I only did some more of Patty C Cubs, shit, live, alive recording. It just gets weirder. Yeah, he does. I hope he never stops.

I'm alive, Maddox, reading his book in front of an auditorium of nervous, chuckling, hilarious and depressing. Oh, that's a good one. Patreon, I can't sell it. That's a good one. That is one of my, you know, Oh my God, look at him. I remember, you like it how bus beat up he is.

He had to get ocular bone surgery. Oh God, you know that? Orbital? Orbital, yeah. Orbital bone surgery. Yeah, man You know that? Orbital? Orbital. Yeah. Orbital bone surgery. Yeah. Man, that's fucked up. Because your bone, so your eyeball doesn't pop. Your bone breaks like a safety valve. Yeah. How about that? So you don't blow your fucking eye out. Yeah. Yeah. That's a orbital. Orbital bone is a very common break in like combat sports and stuff like that.

Oh, really? You know, this guy, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I love? Ever since this happened, everybody I know, like everybody I know, and everybody who they know, like, incidentally through them, says the same fucking thing. Oh, wow. And so it's kind of lucky that you broke your foot, isn't it?

Cause then you didn't get in this altercation. Oh, what a, oh, it's kind of lucky that you broke your foot, isn't it? Cause then you didn't get in this altercation. Oh, it's never happened. You'd have been somewhere else in a time. And they're fucking punches flying. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, like this. Bam, bam, 10 guys, 20 guys, I don't care. Bam, boom.

You going on that trip would have completely changed that trip. Now, you'd have been somewhere, you'd have been somewhere else. They fucking everyone says it though. I'm surprised. Oh wow, that's such a, oh, it's a good thing. Even if they're not saying it to me, they're saying it to my girlfriend in the hopes that it'll give back to me like,

oh actually, it's probably a good thing that he broke his foot like that. So then he didn't end up dead or in the hospital like, can you guys just make any sense? Can you let me just have, can let me just have one minute of being disappointed and being annoyed that my foot is fucked and that I missed out on a trip and missed out on this. Yeah, missed out on fucking dog's fisty cuffs.

Pup, pup, pup, pup. Yeah, that's rough. That is. Is he still there? Is he still there? He's still there. Yeah, I think he's there permanently now. Jesus. I think we'll have to sneak him back in.

The great honking. Yeah, let's talk about the honking. You got to tell me all about this. Have you seen anything about it? So for weeks, the truckers are planning to protest the vaccine mandates between, like, they're not allowed to be unvaccinated truckers anymore or going in and out of the US. Right. Because I don't know why.

Or can we even bother to guess why unvaccinated truckers would be a problem sitting in their fucking truck all day? What are they like carrying viral loads around? Is that the concern in their own little, you got fucking people to stop sliding back and forth by playing like all fucking day, right? Total disease, disease carriers. It's in a fucking air, but the prop,

we get really got to crack down on these guys that are bringing our food supply in and out of the country. Yeah, and this is a Canada thing. I think it's a U.S. I think it's a joint effort. Yeah, but this is a Canada thing. Okay. So for weeks, journalists and Reddit was making fun of them.

The guys, these guys are fascists. This is a joke. This is a white supremacist, whatever. And there's like tens of thousands of people, a hundred miles of semis rolling into town, rolling into honking, honking, honking. Where are the, what town? Ottawa, I think. Yeah, this is Ottawa.

I'm gonna play this. Or do I? All day. All day. Oh, I'm tired of that. Oh my God, how fucking annoying. Yeah. All packed, dude.

Totally packed. I'm trying to read some of the best salt fun. That's insane. And all these people are, all these, all these vaxers are melting down, obviously, because they're so upset by the truckers. I told the truckers, they have to stop honking and call them fascists. And one told me to fuck off, is this legal?

Can you arrest them? Uh, I'm telling you to fuck off or for honking. Yeah, I know what they mean, but it sounded like for telling me to fuck off. My street has had non-stop honking for the last six hours. We need to stop calling this a protest. This is terrorism. Myself and many I know are stressed out and some are just shivering from literally being siege to my honking. Oh, it's, I mean, it's, it's like legitimate. It's, that's a blasted Nory Agh out of a fucking bunker with a, yeah, a bunch of rock music 24 seven. Oh, it's fucking great. The horns are driving me mad. These people are so wholly unsurprisingly, borish

vulgar trashy. They so perfectly match their causes, menacing kids and families out on the streets yesterday. Now using people's lawns as toilets, the horns are driving me mad coming up on our six. Tell me that wouldn't drive you nuts though. Not if it's for freedom. I would be driven. Not if they're honking against the government. And I could hear it all and I could hear it for the rest of my life. Oh, I think I would be completely in favor of them all getting lined up against a wall

and machine gun. No, no, no. I can't stand honking. I can't stand honking in particular. Sean, they're honking against tyranny, though. If they were going, if they were shaking, uh, uh, soda cans full of quarters like to like stop, stop a cat from doing something on a plant in your house, stopping tyranny, it's stopping tyranny, Sean. These are horns of justice. Not a good enough reason. What would be a good enough reason?

Shitting in people's yards and pissing in people's yards for freedom. Yeah. These truckers. God bless you truckers. God, I'm going to go outside and just start honking. All day, at least a ton. I'm going to solder it together so it honks permanently.

Yeah, let's see it. There's the plug, Spanko, honking. There's a war of dwarves happening. Oh, God, I hope this is as good as it sounds. I mean, kind of. Oh, there's, look, there's more of them. More honking. Then they say, they're never going to stop. They're never going gonna stop the honking until the mandates are over. They might actually get it. Yeah, Justin Trudeau left town because he's so afraid of the honking. I mean, he scooted out.

Yeah, I'm sure. My landlord is an anti-vaxxer and there's a giant fucking anti-vaxx convoy going through a town. He's allowing anti-vaxxers to sit in our parking lot, honking their horns at night, because he supports them and they're all outside getting drunk and screaming, kill me, kill me. We're finally allowed to have a good time again. That's not going to get tough for somebody. Honking our horns. What's the big fucking deal,

bitch? They're cats. Sean, their cats are nervous shitting in their beds. The redditors, the redditors cats are nervous, are shitting out of fright. In their beds, can you believe that? Oh, it's the greatest. We don't get a lot, but do you get that one? What was I gonna show you? The war of the dwarves.

The dwarves. So Disney did a, Disney's gonna redo Snow White and Peter Dinklage. Oh, yeah. Peter Dinklage said, I was a little taken aback by the fact that they were proud to cast a Latina actress as Snow White, but you're still telling the story of Snow White and the seven dwarves. It's a, man, this, bro, they're not those guys in that story are not, like, humans. They're like a medieval, like, there's a witch, bro.

There's a fucking witch in that, in that story, with magical spells and a mirror that talks. Those are not, those are not like you. Those are not like genetically mutated humans. It's a fucking race of dwarfs of minors. Yeah, yeah, I don't think this has gone well for dinklage. I think he's got a lot of shit where it's like, I've hated that guy forever. Not a fucking problem.

I've always secretly hated him because everyone loved him acting like an angry dwarf. So much in Elf, like, oh, look at him. He's really playing his airtime. No, he is that. I think people liked him from Game of Thrones, but what a little prick. But yeah, just from what I've read the comments

and the responses are like, dude, you no longer have problems. Like, I mean, you're now, you're now multi-millionaire. Yeah, yeah. You're worth. This is, this is not a problem. Give me a fuck, you're right. This is not a problem.

You've become Hollywood and you've, you're completely lost touch with anything that matters. You're progressive in one way, but you're still making that fucking backward story of seven dwarves living in a cave. They don't live in a cave. They live in a cottage, but you're still making that fucking backward story of seven dwarves living in a cave. They don't live in a cave. They live in a cottage, dude. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's, unless they change the story, they're working commune, right? They like bring their minors, right? Yeah. They work in backbone of the economy. Yeah. So they're fucking providing a valuable service. They bring her to their cottage. She's afraid of them. By the way, she's got to sneak in

when they're not home. Because they want fucking rape or because a rapie. That's very evil. There's dopey, happy, sleazy, doc, lumpy, the one with cancer. There's a, right, humpy, rapie, yeah, doc, and the doc who is against vaccine mandates, two docs, right? Doc and yeah, Doc and Quack, you can figure out what you're going to say. Yeah. What the fuck are you doing, man?

Have I done nothing to advance the cause from my soapbox? Oh, what marriage is let that sit on my soapbox, bro. You mean two soap boxes? Yeah. What do you mean, what do you mean soapbox, bro, you mean two soapboxes. Yeah. What do you mean soapboxes? What do you mean soapboxes? What do you mean soapboxes? What do you mean soapboxes?

What do you mean soapboxes? It's an apple box. Yeah. From my soapbox. Come on. I guess I'm not loud enough. What cause were you, were you, I thought people were fine with dwarves.

Yeah, you're not loud enough. There's no anti-dwarf movement. Everyone loves them. I'm sorry if you have problems with the ladies, which I assume you do. We all kind of do, but otherwise, I pretty much generally, I thought everyone loved dwarves. Yeah, nobody is anti-dwarf. No.

Nobody. I don't know what you were doing to advance the cause of dwarves. So Hornswaggle from the WWE said, Peter Denglige is the biggest dwarf actor, but it doesn't make him king dwarf. Okay. Dwarf Wars, bro. Is this a, is he a dwarf in the WWE?

Hornswaggle, the leprechaun. You don't know who that is? No, I don't. I'm shocked. I'm shocked, Sean. My girlfriend caught me shopping for bootleg designer clothing for Valentine's Day. Really? Yeah. How'd that go?

Poorly. Yes, financially. Can you believe that? Counterfeit. Or if I can sweat her, that's a color. What's the big deal, bitch? Does it say more of, so you get more clothes.

Can you think I'm gonna pay $250 for a hoodie? Right. Counterfeit is in like it has the actual label on it. Yeah. Yeah. What's wrong with that? Oh, no. God, that's probably fine.

Women in there desire to just burn money. Mm-hmm. Oh, okay. You wouldn't even have known, right? You don't have the good version already. So there would be no way for you to know how much better the, how much better the person was.

Yeah. It's like, what if someone caught me wearing it? What do you mean? It says the brand name on it. They're probably wearing a counterfeit one too. Yeah. Say there's this counterfeit. Let's see.

The anti, oh did you see the anti-work fiasco? Mm, anti-work. I talked about this in the biggest problem, but it's pretty funny. Anti-work fiasco. Anti-work. One of the Reddit moderators from anti-work went on Fox News.

Oh, oh, oh. Did you see that? No, no, no, no. Oh, I'll let you, it's only like a minute long here. So this got the anti-work is a group, was a subreddit with like a million and a half people in it that just talk about like how they always get fucked over at work. Oh, gotcha. And on the weekends, it's not getting time off and getting harassed.

It's working more and stuff. Like all about workers' rights. Getting more rights for workers because corporations have all the rights in the world and all the money in the world, and regular people don't get shit, but having to wear masks all day and having to pay ass loads of money for health insurance that they don't even use. One of their moderators took it upon themselves to go on Fox News and speak on behalf of the million and a half people, regular working Joe's, regular blue collar

working Joe's who are just trying to get a laugh and getting a little RISP CT. Here was their appearance, the leader of the workers rights. I was just going to say this looks like somebody who you would expect to. There you go. It's like a good work day. How many hours? Oh, yeah, turn it up. It's like a good work day.

How many hours is, you know, a solid work day in How many hours? Oh yeah, turn it up. It's like a good work day. How many hours is is you know a solid work day in your ideal society? Sure. I mean, I think as much as people want. I mean, I personally work. I have like a 20, 25 hour work weeks, which I think is fairly good. So I would like less work hours. And what do you do, Doreen? I'm a dog walker. A dog walker. Okay. Yes. And how old are you if you don't mind me asking? Sure, I'm 30.

You're 30. Okay. And is there something you want to do besides being a dog walker, do you aspire to do anything more than dog walking or is that kind of your, your pinnacle? I love what with dogs. If I had to do this for my life, you know, I wouldn't speak super complaining, you know, dogs are wonderful animals. But I would love to teach, I would love to teach dog dogs, wear it with people and stuff

like that. What would you teach, Dorian? I philosophy mostly. Philosophy is critical thinking. He's not answering very well. Look at him going like this. I would love to take your class, or even I would just be taking notes from time and this is what a professor's life is.

Similar scheduled and something that you're imagining. So I think that actually might work perfectly with this person. I think this might not be the greatest idea, but who am I to judge? Okay, there you go, this anti-work. Yeah, not really making a very strong case for. Oh, people were pissed. I got you took all of our work

and making this big movement and you just, you kind of took it. That's like, and fucked it up. That's like what our whole thing is. Like our work is being taken and ruined by someone that didn't do anything. Yeah. That's what you're doing there. Okay, let me see what else I got here.

Do you know Kyle Rittenhouse is destroying the gun? Yeah, he worked out a deal. It was like months ago, they finally finished the deal. He finally, they finally finished, like worked it out with the government to destroy. It's a very elaborate process. They can't just throw it in the trash, you know, like, do you want your gun back now?

Yeah, I was gonna, I have to go through a hole. So then he's, he's gotta make it a big statement, I guess. Yeah, and now he's dipping his toe into NFTs. So he got rid of the, he trashed a million dollar American relic, right? Like might as well have been George Washington's Paul Revere's horse that he just shot in the head and sent to the glue factory. Yeah, yeah. As opposed to staying in the library of Congress or the Smithsonian or the, you know how much money people would have paid for

that? Oh, no, I know. Oh my gosh. Sure. To get into NFTs. Yeah, what does he have his own NFTs? Who wants a Kyle Rittenhouse NFT? Yeah. I see.

I see, I was anti-Kyle from day one. I knew. And now we've got a suffer. I don't know if you're anti-Kyle from day one. I am anti And now we've got a suffer. I don't know if you were a anti-kyle. I am anti-kyle. Yeah, okay. Now we got to suffer through this shit. Yeah.

And have teas? Yeah. Don't care. Oh yeah, okay. Let me see what else I got here. Oh yeah, that's a good one. Metaverse. Oh yeah, here's a good one. Metaverse.

Oh yeah, here's a. One metaverse. I'm really tired of the metaverse. Okay, fine. All right, aren't you? Ah, yeah, I don't, uh, here's a nice thing that the police have. What are they have?

It's a, a bowl, a bowl of gun. Mm-hmm. Not Ebola. Like a gun that shoots you and twists your legs all up. Mm-hmm. Uh, let me see if I can pop this up for you. Okay, here it is, right. They're demonstrating it right here.

You can see there's guys standing there with their hands behind their back and their feet right together. Timber. And the police show up with a gun that shoots like a lasso around your legs. It's like shit from like a Batman cartoon. Yeah.

Yeah. I can't wait. Well, so here's a thing. I can't wait to see this on a guy high on PCP charging a cop who can't shoot him with a regular gun in the jazz. I was just going to say they've given up because like they know they're going to shoot for like any reason. Yes.

They know the reason. They know the reason. So they had to nerf their weapons like, look, we know they're gonna shoot for like any reason. Yes, they know the reason for any reason So they had to nerf their weapons like we know we're not capable of I thought no, we're not capable of training you Shoot even look. He doesn't have a weapon. He's running away. I Had to shoot. I just had to shoot at least. Yeah, at least give me look at this stupid thing Uh, and I know I know they're gonna use it because it's like, because it looks like Batman. Like I can just feel cops saying like, oh yeah, we need to get,

bro, we need to get some of that in the department. So we can get some non-lethal. Like we're going to jail if we accidentally shoot the wrong, or we're getting made fun of on the internet. So we need this fucking, we need this Lasso shooting Bola gun, shoot at guys who are standing there with their arms behind them. No one is running in this. I know, what's your margin for error with that thing?

With this thing? Yeah, I mean like hero. I was gonna say like, look at these guys. How wide does it shoot out in other words, you know? Yeah, we know that you guys are, we know that you can't stop shooting. Yeah. So we're gonna give you can't stop shooting. Yeah. So we're going to give you this Bola gun. Yeah.

Yeah, you can all shoot it once. You can just, yeah, everybody's going to do right? All the, the 12 cops on the scene with the standoff with the homeless guy sitting, sitting on the pavement. You can all fire it once if you want. You're going to be going over there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You see they're doing something, they're trying to make Bitcoin illegal again? A little bit, yeah. So the federal government's making it illegal for national security reasons. Yeah, so it's, dude, it's like anything that's threatened. It's always, it's like the record labels when MP3s came out. Oh yeah. Instead of figuring out how to monetize, they, you know, they, again, it's like the record labels when MP3s came out.

Oh, yeah. Instead of figuring out how to monetize, you know, they, again, I've used this, they, they, they stood there on the railroad tracks with their hand up trying to stop a fucking train. It's the same thing. It's like, well, try to, try to crush it. They're like, they're probably not going to be able to, but national security. Yeah. They, so let me get this straight.

Math is a national security threat. Like I can't do, I'm doing illegal math. All my, me and this guy, me and this other, me and all these other guys were doing a bunch of fucking illegal math on our computers. That's a national security threat. I guess. God damn, this is so transparent. And then Arizona says they're going to make it a currency, And then Arizona says they're going to make it a currency, but very first, very first thing smuggly and loudly proclaimed by everyone who raises, well, that's unconstitutional. Like, bro, are you, are you for real? You think that anything we do is like, do you think that the NSA harvesting everyone's like text and emails is constitutional?

Right. What do you think that living in like a 70 year emergency and like the president just declutch the president saying like the president having like a personal impact on gas prices by you and a laterally shutting shit down. I think that's constant. Where where in the constitution do you think we are exactly? Yeah. yeah. That thing is way, that is long gone. So I look forward to using illegal dick coins, I guess. You're legal math. Do you not, have you, have you heard of that show you for you on HBO?

Yeah. Man, fucking HBO, it's been years since I've watched an HBO series and goddamn it if they are up to their same old tricks It's been years since I've watched an HBO series. And goddamn it, if they are up to their same old tricks as they ever were. They got a girl in that show with big old tits. And Ben, what do you see? It's a show about drugs and partying. It's fine.

All right. Let's see some drugs and partying. Every fucking episode is full of weeners. There's at least three guys, winers in every episode of the show. You don't need maybe one, like one shock winner at the beginning to show you that this show doesn't fuck around. You might have to look at a winner. But every, there's more than one winners. It's just like gratuitous at some point come on gratuitous wienery and all that very rarely will they show a boob

mhm they've got they've got a trans woman with a bulge going on that they're showing off wiggling around they've got guys with their weeners out, soft to, which is, oh, look at a hard weener. There's nothing, that's just normal. I've seen millions of hard weeners, right? Sure, but soft weener, come on. Too casual. Too casual.

Yeah. What is, what are you saying with this? Who wants to see a soft weiner? Nobody who's the dem what's the demographic for a soft weiner? I Never met somebody like man. I really love to see a soft weiner right now. Honestly, that's completely right I know if it was a hard weiner no big deal Awesome, let's rock Get that

Somebody gets somebody take care of this thing. Right? Check's and dudes, really nobody likes a soft weiner. Of course, a sea soft weiner. It's a societal thing. But it's in every episode. Soft weiner's. Not good for anyone.

The normalizing it, I guess. Yeah. Normalizing soft weiner. Soft weiner's. I don't know. I saw a deer, deer chip tripped up about it too. Is deer still a thing? I guess. Yeah. Normalizing software. Soft winners. I don't know. I saw Dare, Dare chipped, chirped up about it too. Is Dare still a thing?

That's what I said. Yeah. I like this show Euphoria. It's real fucking real bad. It's really ex- It's glorifying drug use. Of course. Like man.

Huh. I don't know if it is doing that first of all, but where the fuck? Yeah. Like you guys, you didn't even rebrand? You still call it, it's called Dare? Yeah, it's like, you know, Dare from like Nancy Reagan's day. Yeah, like we all grew up, we know you.

We grew up with you and we fucking hate you. Everybody who was that love to see you. Fucking hates you. Or thanks for your joke. Who are you pitching this shit to? The same, you know, the older it's still. Yeah, I was gonna say, you gotta get your kids off drugs. Right.

I will talk to him, but he's 42. Yeah, exactly. Oh, the Bitcoin thing drives me. Now, it's a matter of national security. Yeah, sure. How in the fuck is this a matter of national security? You guys are threatening nuclear war against Russia? So pretty big, where does Bitcoin factor into this?

No, no. There we drop a bunch of NFTs on them. Yeah, we're gonna get written housed. I can't believe it. Moscow's getting written housed. And kisses it noise me. The gun thing is, gun thing and then the NFT thing, God. Whatever.

Okay, let's do some comments. Whippy is Spanko. Hey, Dick, call me bread, Xavier Regis on the show. Okay. The term Spanko is from a 17th century sex pest. The Whippantom. Sex what? Sex pest.

Really? Yeah, sex pest. The Whippantom of pest really yeah sex pest the whipping Tom of 1681 was active in the Warren of small court yards between Fleet Street strand and holeborn man those were the days could you imagine back then if you got the intersection yeah it's pretty good it It was Hollywood and Vine, Nah, Martin and, yeah. Coinga and Osborne, our Gile. Just that one little corridor. Okay, sure.

That's how, it used to be so fun. If you were a motivated enough sex past, you could get, you could get, Famic historically famous. Yeah, for just for being a spanko. Just a little bit of a story. It's a bit of a story. It's a bit of a story. It's a bit of a story. It's a bit of a story. It's a bit of a story.

It's a bit of a story. It's a bit of a story. It's a bit of a story. It's a bit of a story. It's a bit of a story. It's a bit of a story. It's a bit of a story. It's a bit of a story. and slap her buttocks repeatedly with his hand. Jeff Falk. For Spanker. He would sometimes accompany his attacks

by shouting Spanko. I just can't wait to look this up. There's a Wikipedia link. I know, I'm not doubting it. I can't wait to read about it, because it's fucking hilarious. Do you know what he would be like famous forever? For that, for just lifting girls dresses and slapping their bodice and yelling spank out.

Look, throughout history, there has been more than one you. So chances are, he might have had the idea that like, oh, I wanna be remembered for something. What do you think they're gonna do with these truckers? What if the US truckers do it? I don't know. Just honk all the time.

I think I'm gonna make honking illegal. We put those whistles in our cars, the whistle goes, woo! You know, it's good, no. No, this is actually pretty nice. And I ain't allowed to be loud anymore. The people who own the trucks. They do. But I mean, the bank.

Yeah, whatever, they'll make them remove the horns. Oh, you're right. Yeah. Yeah, we'll take the horns away. They're going to take the horns away. They're going to take the horns away. They're going to take the horns away. They're going to take the horns away.

They're going to take the horns away. They're going to take the horns away. They're going to take the horns away. They're going to take the horns away. They're going to take the horns away. They're going to take the horns away. They're going to take the horns away. They're going to take the horns away. They're going to take the horns away. They're going to take the horns away. You're going to have a breathalyzer in your car and we're taking the horns out. Well, regular cars can have horns.

Why? But, well, because you don't need it, I mean to drive. It's, no, it's supposed to be a warning to prevent accidents. But trucker science says we're not using it like that. We use it as we'll use it out of it. It's a middle finger. So let's get rid of it. But a horn has stopped an accident, like a number of times for me.

Well, so it's on a gun, but there's still more danger is. It's, it's used wrong more than it's used right. So let's get rid of them. Yeah, we are going to take the, you're right. We're going to take the fucking horns out. Yeah. God damn. Let's, okay, there's another one. There's also two videos of patty see-cups doing standup to a live audience on his channel. If you haven't seen them, there's a lot more awkward and cringe than what you've been watching in the WATP crossover episodes.

If that's even possible, you want to see a minute of this, a segment of this standup. I do. I love the crossover episodes. You mentioned that earlier. Yeah. I think you, I think they're one of the funniest things that's come out of the show.

I think Carl had called in one time and you guys both said, he's like, yeah, you should do a crossover with us. Yeah. So I did and it was so fun. I just kept inviting myself back. Yeah. I never even like, nobody ever said like, oh, it should be the three of us from now on.

Yeah. I was just like, when are we doing another crossover? I just kept coming. It's the only thing I've ever done that's universally liked. It's just so fun to shit on things. It is. It really is. People are nuts.

People are so goddamn crazy. Okay, here's Patty C. Cups stand up. You might need to adjust the volume on this. Let me. Is this his channel? Yeah, this is bad brain studios or broken. I don't wanna steal, Carl's bit here, but this is, this is Patty C. Cup stewing stand up. That's crazy right?

And I honestly have kind of become a lot more annoyed with the fact that he's got to be attractive or charismatic. He's annoyed that people find Ted Bundy attractive and charismatic. It's kind of a sick feeling of having people calling Princess Diana. I feel like I've seen that same haircut on all the Golden Girls. Now he's got cards.

He's reading off a three by five cards. I want to hear that laugh again. It went somebody cleared their throat really uncomfortably. So it's so easy to point out what he does wrong. Because he sets people up, goes out in public. Yeah, he sets people up with like a premise. Yeah. And then immediately abandons it. Yeah, I know.

Like he's like orthogonal comedy. So you can, it is impossible to follow what he's gonna, because I hate the Ted Bundy shit too. Like this, well, this myth that he's this, like there's gonna have Pierce Brosnan playing Ted Bundy in the next adapt, he gets handsome or an handsome or every decade. It's like my name's Shbundi, Ted Bundy.

Like, no, he was a we're looking Unibrow, motherfucker, that murdered fat chicks and ugly women. Yeah, like he wasn't, but the thing, the fucking Daniel Craig. Right, right, right. I think where that comes from is that people like he was actually like a leader of like groups and very social. So it was like as opposed to, you know, Ed Gain or somebody like that. Who was that pig and a swab? Well, no, it was just a fucking weirdo right there. Like,

oh, he was always quiet. He was always odd. But we know whatever, you know, like the, they think like a lot of guys you look at, you're like, oh, I know, I know the rate bodies in his crawl space. I mean, I think that women just love the idea that someone would kidnap them. They love the fantasy if that someone would kidnap and kill them. Yeah. And then super attractive. they love the fantasy if that someone would kidnap and kill them. Yeah, so. And then super attractive. So they have like, glommed on to Ted Bundy

and built him up into this sexual, this handsome, you know, this super handsome guy that was targeting beautiful women. Yeah. Have you, did you see the last TV movie? No, no, no. We tried to watch it for a little bit.

I mean, I don't have any interest in that. It's like a dramatization of something that really happened. I mean, I've read really weird and uncomfortable. I've read enough about him. It's like, I'm not interested in like somebody, Hollywood's interpretation. It's bizarre. The Hollywoodizing of anything.

It's like, you know, I've read a lot of stuff about organized crime and stuff like that. I don't need to see the Irishman I know it's I know it's a hundred percent fiction. Yeah, it's like a sex horror movie, but it's based on something real It would be like if there's like a holocaust like a yeah like a holocaust horror movie I'm like, I don't know. It's kind of kind of odd that you have this like if that's like if they turned Anne Frank into a horror movie, but she's like sneaking around, you know, they dramatized it, it would be in poor taste,

right? Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I might watch it, but still it'd be weird. Like where she's writing an retiring, like a CW show. And she's the one who gives them up. Season two, we have to really stretch one who gives them up. Yeah. Season two, they don't have to really stretch that. Yeah, right. Okay. Here's more of a stand up. Like a swish version of Conan O'Brien. Yeah, he's talking. I hated being a redhead when

I was a kid. I really did. I used to bleach my hair. I thought that being a Hauvino would be better than being a ginger. I drove to play a little better if there was a violence in the crowd. that would be the ginger. That joke would play a little better if there was a balance in the crowd, but they don't get me in my side. Action growth. I don't know if it would play better. It would play better if you said it's slower.

Yeah, like it's supposed to be depressing. Because you're, all right. True. You wanna hear one more joke? I do. The trailer part. And it didn't seem so strange. You know, you kind of seemed normal until you realized

when you get older that you were the family that had that record. Yeah, you were those people. And it's just that sort of, it's true. You actually got a park in that documentary movie, the Eddie Murphy documentary movie, where all the animals talk. Okay.

Oh boy. That documentary movie where all the animals talk. I got it, it's not a documentary. He got a, yeah. He doesn't go fuck yourself. Oh boy. That documentary movie where all the animals talk. I got it, it's not a documentary. He got a, yeah. He doesn't go fuck yourself. Oh boy. Broken bones. So the first time in about a decade,

I tried to quote live a little, this guy says, get out more, meet people, meet women and stop being a shut-in. New year, new meat kind of shit. A big mistake. Yeah, a big mistake. Long and short of it is, I met a nice woman, petite blonde Polish girl with what I suspected to be sea cups.

Now she basically told my Tism ass to get over to hers Monday night. Like what? Oh, Tism, autism. My Tism ass. Yeah, like his, he's, he's autistic. Yeah. My autistic assamass. Yeah, like he's saying like he's autistic. Yeah. My autistic ass. Yeah, he's, she basically told my Tizamass. Right.

She told my Tizamass. Yeah. She told my Tizamass to get over there Monday night because she wanted it so my dumb dumb ass. Okay. It's I is the word, right? I and me, it's always, it's not always ass. You don't always have to refer to yourself

in the ass person. True. I'm taking my silly ass to work. Yep. Oh, when are you coming back? Well, my dumb ass will be back to, you know what I mean? The ass person, you wanna get some food? Third person ass.

My shit ass will probably be hungry. Yeah. So my stinky ass would like to eat. My hungry ass would like to eat. Maybe we, I'm gonna start referring to myself in the ass person more. I'm afraid that you will. What you do today, well my lazy ass didn't do anything.

It's weird. Saying ass so much. Referring to my ask person so much. Well, and it's like a, it's like you're kind of like, you know, denigrating yourself a little bit too. But a lot. It's my point of becoming a mess.

Yeah, my, but yeah. It's someone who becomes like a lazy ass. It's the actual thing that you're involving me in. That I don't want to be involved in. Yeah, right, you know. It's, yeah. I'm gonna guy nudges you. It's like rape.

Yeah, it is. The guy I was out to lunch with my man, Steve, a long time ago, we were at this cafe and it's weirdo. He's having lunch with this big fat woman. And she got up and went inside and we're having our own conversation. He leans over and goes, Hey, a lot of drunk in that drunk, right? I'm like, bro, don't involve me in your weird fat. Yeah. We're a respectable gentleman over here. You should be like, have anything to do with this. Yeah, you should be like, yeah, absolutely disgusting. Yeah, totally disgusting.

Yeah, totally. But then we'd be participating. So my dumb dumb ass tried to go to Sonic Fast out the door. I fucking slipped and busted the tip of one of my false ribs. False ribs., false ribs. Floating ribs. Was that that? Yeah.

Oh, false ribs. And crack the bottom of my sternum, bit in the center of your chest. How the fuck, how did he fall? I know what a sternum is, sir. How did he fall? Because he was running so quickly for the sex. So he obviously fell forward on to something. How do you break your sternum?

I mean, you ever been so excited for the How do you break your sternum from? I mean, you ever been so excited for the sex that you break your sternum? He said he, did he say he had to go to Sonic? No, I think he's saying that he was moving so fast like into Sonic the Hedgehog for, got it. I thought he was really, really hungry. Yeah, for pussy.

By falling onto some stairs. Oh, wow. hungry. Yeah, for pussy. Mm-hmm. By falling onto some stairs. Oh, wow. Yeah. I managed to do it before I even got out the front fucking door. My diaphragm is fucked, and it just hurts to exist. She came over Thursday to see how I was. I told her I told her I was also mugged. I felt I was mugged. Somebody can't mug by some stairs. Yeah. Yeah. I know

that sentence leads me to believe that he told her about the stairs and then that also he was mugged. I thought that was awesome mugged. So they, you know Ralph, and then some fucking guy came along and mugged my dumb ass and pissed in my pants. Yeah, right. So I pissed my pants.

So Ralph has this designer handbag that he always carries around. Yeah, like because he's got to carry things. And it got stolen by the people that attacked him. Yeah. And then they found somebody on the internet found like a Portuguese eBay with that exact designer handbag for sale immediately after.

So it's probably his bag. They flipped it around. Yeah. It's a nice bag. Yeah. George, you are mounting your something. Damn. I was raps of baller. Yeah. Apparently. And I couldn't even pull off the macho. And guys are making fun of his bag. Yeah. Like that's less gay than having a bag. Oh, you got a purse over there. Yeah, yeah, buddy. We've, we all heard the purse thing before. Oh, you mean like the making fun of his just is, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're wearing pants. So whatever. What? Who's gay one now? I couldn't even pull off the macho chest bandage without winsing in pain. If she's still around when I heal up, I'll confirm the size, but I doubt it. Oh, yeah, that's the fucking worst.

I have lost multiple women with breaks, arm breaks. Friend of ours came over last night and I was absolutely no threat to her. She could, women know that they could easily run away from you. Yeah. If you have, no foot in their mind, they can't imagine any sort of predation happening at all. I was like, well, I'll just kick them in the foot. You're no Ted Bundy.

Yeah. You and your foot denying you, Portugal, seems awfully familiar. I threw in a photo of my chest wound for no reason other than it looks a little gnarly. Smooth just to Sean and Maddie, you can go drink some more milk, you brittle bitch. Okay. Broken feet, dear stick.

I'm a long time listening to you guys and reach out before I let you show. It's something to look forward to in the dark early days of the work week. I'm just saying truckers, get it out of your system now. They're taking your horns. They're coming for your horns. They're coming for your horns. They're going to take them. No, one day, you know, a little kid in a car is going to be like, you know, yeah, pull the trucker, you know, right? And then a tear. Tear rolling down. There's not

going to be any horns. Yeah. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that I feel you're paying. I have a pretty active life being into the outdoors, doing eight years in the Marines, and playing a lot of sports. I never broke a bone that I know of. Well, you would know, it's not like being fat and pregnant. Yeah. Has anybody broken a bone and not just walked it off? Well, or if you get like a hairline fracture,

you might not have known that. I mean, fucking hurts, still. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking toe, I guess. Well, you know, you fuck something up, you know, but it's, you know, until my ankle was defeated by a slight incline, I was pretty lucky because I actually broke my ankle while going to the hospital because I was planning a trip to Greenland and wanted help. Oh, oh God.

See, everybody's got some kind of great spin on why it's great that you broke your foot. I didn't kill myself. So thank you. There's still time for him. Don't give up on him. So just walking up and access ramp, I rolled my ankle and broke it. I was all pale and floppy. I've been in traffic accidents. I never broke a bone. It's one of the shittier things I was trying to do. Sorry, this is getting long. It's one. Yeah. I said, commiserate. I wanted to warn you of the impending fatness. You'll gain a lot of weight. Luckily, I was able to shed my own weight

from 160 to 200. Oh my God, 40. That's a lot of gain. That's a lot, because like 160, he's obviously not a big guy. So 40 pounds on a, you know what I mean? It's not like you weighed 220 and gained 40 pounds. Yeah.

You should get one of those knee scooter things. I was resident to get, I read it, I read it, I read to get, reddison to get one, but it turned everything around. I would cruise around the house with a Beretta and a beer and a little front basket. I don't know if I'm ready to commit to that look. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Which is, it's a choice.

A Beretta. I mean, no, the knee scooters. Is it a pur, you're drinking Italian beer too? Yeah, a peroni. Peroni? Yeah, a peroni. Peroni? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Uh, I just got a Benelli shotgun by the bed.

What I need is one of those chairs like in Gremlins that goes up and down the stairs. Yeah. The stairs is the fucking worst. Mm-hmm. I go and get coffee. I can't bring the computer up. If I get the coffee, I can't bring it down.

Mm-hmm. I need a man bag. But then everyone would make fun of me. Mm-hmm. I need a man bag, but then everyone will make fun of me. For having a thing that holds, this is what men could you buy Ralph's on eBay? I almost did. I thought so. Shipping would be outrageous though.

Men will make fun of you. Men will make fun of you for having a thing that you can put things in and carry them around. Right, right. Get a load of this guy. I guy. Get a load of this guy carrying his shit around. It's true. What method would you like him to carry his shit around? That is a guy thing, too. It's like, oh, it looks gay. It's like totally useful. It's like, oh, no, but, yeah. It's a fucking shit holding thing. Only guys will make fun of your shit around. And your pockets. Only guys will make fun of other guys for being smart.

Two guys, two military guys wearing little dress outfits covered in jewelry for their manliness. I got this manliness award for being super manly and a flare like a TGI Friday waitress. Look at this fucking, look at this. I can't say any of this slurs. Mm. Look at this fucking, look at this. I can't say any of this, Lars. Look at this guy with his murs. Yeah, look at him.

Look at that guy carrying a shit all around, unbelievable that that would happen. Bro, do you, I put lots of beard cream in my, what's your beer care regimen like? Oh, look at that queer carrying his stuff around. Yeah. That's true. Uh, hey, dick fat watch a, a fat positive Twitch streamer. All right.

Now, let's do it. Don't say my name. Here's Rainy Day Glutton. Read the Patreon tears. Click the video section on Twitch and look at a few tweets. I have faithy Day Glutton. Read the Patreon Tears. Click the video section on Twitch, and look at a few tweets. I have faith you can do the rest. Let's... Okay. Back watch. A day in that news.

Oh, news. Let's take a look at it. This is Rainy Day Glutton. You know, my brother hadn't listened to the podcast in a while, and then came back, got back into it. Yeah. And he's like, my new favorite thing is fat watch. He's like, that is a perfect segment for the show. Yeah. It's great. Um, it's my favorite thing probably in the world. Like, I think I could just do that for the entire show.

It's why the crossover episode so much fun. Yeah. Uh, okay. This is rainy day crossover episode's so much fun. Yeah. Okay, this is Rainy Day Glutton. Oh my God. It's pouring. Tarantino's in. That's a rain.

Jailouj. Look at this shot. Oh my God. Let me blow her up, oh. Dick is, Dick, she's already blown herself up. I look, here's a recording. Okay. How does that do it on Twitch?

Rain in coming. Right, and then cut off it's my belly. I'm completely, are you kidding me? No. No. No. Okay, I gotta do the Ophishoff. Uh, uh, uh.

There you go. Oh God, I just skipped to when she had her gut out. God, the, oh no. Seriously. Oh no, I just skipped to when she had her gut out. God, the phone, no. Seriously. Oh, no, it's right. He's about the size of the Kool-Aid, man. Oh God. She's got a hoodie on with slits on it, like fashionable.

Oh, no! No, that was not made that way. That happened when she put it on. Yeah, perforated lines. Yeah. In case you gain weight and it blows out. No. No.

No. No. No. No. My belly is slightly a little bit. I'm literally gagging. The skull is there to, as you're warning in the? She's required by, what would you say? Health and safety to wear that.

Yeah. Right, it's like a label, a pack of cigarettes. Right, right. She has to wear a skull on all of her clothing. This is what's gonna happen to you very quickly if you stop a game directly into it. Look at that she's showing her, she's bending over and showing her ass like a baboon.

No problem at all. This was great. How is it going? I haven't heard one word she said. Sorry, let me turn it up. No, I mean, I can't concentrate. Is dancing kind of? There's somebody else in the room too, right?

I think she's just talking to the chat. Oh, got it. Okay. How long does the, she's gotta be feeling winded about now. She's been shoving back and forth for 30 seconds. Yeah, that's it. Ha ha ha. Okay, dude, if I could just,

I'd have to jump for a second. Catch my breath. She's all sweating, she's all sweating from this. Her blood pressure is 360 over pudding. Oh my God. Oh my god, oh wow that's that's just about The two things are is she tagged oh She tag Like a fucking beefsteer with the tag on the ear

They're why do they allow this on twitch dudes there's there's like a bunch of people shaking her stomach like it's made of putting it. There's a bunch of dudes jerking off right now. You know that. So she's literally out of breath. I know. Do I do my justice? Yes. What's up? You love me, but just realize I realism very taken. But. Oh, bye, hard disease. Bye. Oh, okay. That is. Wow, that's a good send in. Who sent that in?

Oh, I didn't write your name down because you said don't write it down. Oh, yeah, whoever you are, fuck you. Let's see her Patreon levels. He says to read them. So I guess we better do that. Rainy day, the stupid link didn't copy. Rainy day Glutton, Rainy day, Glutton Patreon. Okay. The most, the most nerdy, what does it say? The most nerdy obesity ever? Oh, so her thing is like a nerdy, obesist. That's obesity.

Obesity, obesity, halody. Yeah. The snack, the snack tier. Okay, a snack, the secret fourth meal that exists, oh honey, you don't eat four meals a day. Her snack is everybody else's Thanksgiving. That exists between all the others. Oh, you have a snack?

Well, usually considered lesser, the sheer number of delicious options, more than make up for its relatively bite-sized structure, a combo meal, but what do you get? Oh, no. For 15 bucks a month, you can give her food suggestions. Oh, so there's people, what do they call them, like feeders or something?

Like, remember the 60 bucks a month, you get custom videos, food suggestions, of course. And she just eats shit. You name it, you name it, you want it. It's perverse. Or RP, role play a scenario video for you. Do you want her to wear her underwear and do a weird dance? No, I don't, if you're asking.

Oh no, poor you guys. I was just making $380 a month. Okay, well, good for you. It's enough for this. But that doesn't even dent your food. That's good. Yeah, on the dollar menu. Oh man.

This is what a sick fucking society. Wait, I have other fat watches hold on. Let me get some of these up Sean. Oh fat watch. She was seriously winded. It seemed to be getting worse too. I'm a protest threat. Yeah.

Here's a well and good article someone said, and I'm a cardiologist and here's why running out of breath while exercising is totally normal. Well, I mean, you get, you know, oh God. I was sweating, my heart was thudding, and my chest was tightening as I ran on the Lennonlium gym floor, hyper-aware of my classmates,

stressed in the same. I tried to downplay how winded and out of breath I was. The thing is, even though getting out of breath is fairly unpleasant, it's pretty freaking normal. This is a article written for women who are worried that running out of breath might be, while they're exercising, might be a medical problem. Well, you know, depending on the act of running out of breath,

it's so foreign to them that they need a medical advisor expert to tell them that it's okay. Right, right, right. Everybody gets out of breath when they exercise. It should be a normal thing to you. Right. Um, okay. Jesus. Two flat, two fat to fly. Hmm. Here's one. Two fat to fly a space into space, a 330 pound man who wanted to trip on SpaceX's first tourist flight had to give up the ticket. He couldn't just pay extra.

No, they don't make seats. They're asking for seats that big. He won a raffle. Why did he even enter at 330 pounds? What was he thinking that they throw him in the back like the Hubble telescope and Cardis asked up in a shuttle? Yes, I guess he didn't, I guess he didn't think about it. They could put a guy on the moon, but they can't figure out how to get your fat, fat ass up into space. However, he just got retired. The fucking shuttle program and it has that

big bay, you know what I mean? That's the real, can you imagine how big that space suit must have been? Yeah. Can you imagine doing space shit at 350 pounds? No. Slinging a piano around. Yeah. Heather. Ha.

You'd have to do gravitational calculation. I'm insanely disappointed, but it is what it is. Yeah, it's you need to stop eating. You can't stop eating to go into fucking space. I think I could stop drinking to go into space. For a little bit. I wonder how much time he had between, you know what I mean?

When did he find out he won? And obviously he didn't read the fine print or they didn't put it in where it's like, hey, you have to be physically able to do this Do you see any do you see any big fat astronauts dude no He spent six hundred dollars on raffle tickets for the seat while his college friend spent 50 bucks And he ended up being the one I don't want to the lifetime Opportunity

There he is five ten three thirty. Yeah. Well, sorry, but okay. Here's another one. Oh, and I got a bunch of them this year. Yeah. Oh, no, test holidays back in fat watch says her anorexia recovery has regressed. Mm-hmm. It's taken a lot of steps backwards. I pulled a quote It's taking a lot of steps backwards. I pulled a quote from it here. My dietician, Anna Swini, first brought it to my attention to anorexia. She told me, I'm not licensed to diagnose you, but if I could, I would diagnose you with anorexia nervosa. Oh, okay.

Well, at least we know the mystery of why she thinks she has anorexia. I feel grateful that I'm tough enough to talk about this, but I've since taken a lot of steps backwards in my recovery. So since she announced that she has anorexia, she has anorexia has flared. Well, I don't know about that. Okay. Let's see.

In my recovery, her essay continued, I've regressed. I haven't eaten today. It's 11 o'clock and I've had two sips of coffee and I feel sick. Do you think that that means? I do that every day. Do you think she means, like 11 a.m., right? I, that's my guess.

I've had two sips of coffee. 11 a.m. Totally, normal for me. I feel sick. You're not used to drinking two sips of coffee on an empty stomach. Oh, you're counting, you count sips of coffee, but not like host, not cakes, not like hot dogs. Two sips of coffee, I'm limiting my coffee intake. This has been extremely hard on my mental and physical health.

Well, God. Oh, mama. Right. Okay, I got one. One last one for you. Duh, duh, duh. This is, for some reason, the new thing is to have the biggest, whoa, whoa, whoa. The biggest, fattest black women that companies can,

that exercise companies can find. Yeah. And to put them in the smallest amount of spandex possible. Yeah. That's all of them are doing it. Yeah, yeah, I have five. Notice this. This is a 30 minute gentle yoga flow

with Jessamine Stanley from Adidas. This is the company Adidas putting this out. Right. Let it out. Yoga. Oh, she's got a very tiny chihuahua there. I get very uncomfortable seeing fat women around chihuahua. Because if they lose their balance at all,

that chihuahua is turning into a pancake, turning into a tortilla. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Stanley. Why, yeah. Yeah. Stanley. Why did she come in with the sweatshirt and then immediately take it off? Welcome to my home. Now I'm ready to work out.

She came in with a full dress. She's like a fat Mr. Rogers. She's got nothing to take it off for socks. So you know that those pants are new because it doesn't have that acidic pussy stain. Oh, God. That they do. Their body comes you so fucked up

that their pussy's turning to acid. God, and discolor all their pants. Like in the future trying to plan for what's coming, trying to think about what meal is coming up next. What is going on. And so little of it has anything to do with just being ourselves right now.

And so for me, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, the physical fitness of it is all so physical. I know she's stretching. I did air quotes on that. It's a without doing it.

I'm stuck into a place where I can just experience what's happening right now. And God, the breath, could you take the breaths out of this? I can only imagine how you can do it. As a sound engineer, why wouldn't you try right now? Well, it's crazy. Oh, yeah, yeah. I can only imagine what you are dealing

with this exact moment. I mean, maybe. So, who are the anything? I just, maybe. And so, were there anything? I just want to tell you how. Look at how many cameras they got on her. They're worried that they wouldn't get all of her in the close. One of them is the Hubble telescope.

And turn around and looking at it. I'm so proud of you. I'm honored and I'm humbled to be here with you. And the practice that we're going to do today, is really just amazing. Let's give a head a little bit. It can either come before your workout if you wanna like just stretch out a little bit before you go.

Is that where she's going next? It could be something that's worth it. To work out. To own stand alone practice or it could be something that maybe you used to close out. A workout. Okay, what's the first exercise? Bring your hands back behind you

and it's not a flattering shot. It's really soft. Sitting. Sitting is the first exercise? You put your hands back behind you and it's like a flattering shot. It's really soft. Sitting. Sitting is the first. You can kind of walk your legs out in front. All right. It's a dog.

And to cut, there's a dog starting to knock on her. John is laying down what is this? She's like just shaking her legs She doesn't mean her fat ass on the way back on the yoga mat and just let your eyes drift close This is how you have to do yoga when you're 700 when you weigh as much as a piano She's literally like just like wiggling her feet back and forth Her compliments The dog is like oh god Wiggling her feet back and forth. Took her movements. My movements!

The dog is like, oh god. Is she dead? Good dog. Achi mama. She can't even walk. She can't even walk. She can't even walk. She can't even walk.

What is this? This is the first exercise taking an app. It's like, dude, she needs a CPAP. Like, as a CPAP, now I might kill her right there. She nods off even for a minute. How is this a workout? She's laying on her back. When her arm's out like a child.

She's building up for the workout, which is a sprint. It's like just, it's a one giant, it's just getting up. This is what she thinks a burpee is. You just lay on your back and burp. Yeah. Oh, she's wiggling her feet. We got to get some inertia going so she can set up a rep's going to gum in and lift up her arm. What do you want to bet? What do you want to bet that she has to roll over on her stomach to get up and then push herself up. There's no way she can sit up from there. There's been a minute and a half of laying on your back. You need a deedist needs to self-fat women clothes so they can lay on the back and her yoga mat is an XL and it's still too small.

Never seen anything like this. I've never been anything like this. I've never been so ashamed for a brand. I would say that Ditas has its mark in the lower right corner. I'm like, wait a minute, they're endorsing this. Look what it says. Move with us. And Ditas, and it's a big fat woman, not moving. She's feeling over a yoga mat, laying on her back for two minutes.

It's threatening to crush a defenseless Chihuahua. That's a Chihuahua! Note that she did not even shimmy down far enough on the mat. Oh, this is obscene. What is she doing? She has pictures of her, did you see it? She's still talking, like she's guiding you through a laying down workout.

I'm gonna watch till she gets up. Yeah, oh, you have to. You have to now. That's a D-tis master plan, they're geniuses. Just follow whatever it goes. Follow what? This is all a mental challenge. Follow your train of thought.

This is a yoga. It goes to KFC. You have to concentrate on holding positions. Yeah, well that's not, this isn't laying down, it's not a position. No, no. The effects down, is not a position. No, no. The effects of gravity is not a yoga pose.

I can't hold on to it. Hold on to what? I mean, even meditating is not this. No, you don't talk like that. Pull up the graph. He sit up. Oh, she's got some equipment there, I see. You think she's got any snacks hidden in that stuff?

The yoga blocks. They're hollowed out. Hollowed out, yeah. Like, fucking. They're actually edible. It says cakes. Like, Andy do Frayne's Bible. Rock hammer.

It's got a rock hammer in there. She's got an oyster cracker in there. Yeah, lobster cracker in there. Oh, she's getting up. Oh, no. Oh, my God. She's raising her. You can see the words bat bowing She did one. She hasn't gone for a second one. Oh, oh, oh There's a guy's

Oh my god. Can you imagine fucking that? No I'm gonna cap shine up to the sky. Oh honey., those knee caps are dying. And when you're ready, really press into your feet. And lift your hips up. Let your arms come up into the air. She's doing it. And then drops and down. That's going to snap her neck over. This doesn't count as getting out.

Oh, I know. There's one bridge. I'm just, yeah, I'm just in kind of impressed. She can actually do that. And then as you're ready, just reverse that action, let the arms come up to the sky. Reach up, let the hips come down. Nice and easy, low and settle down.

Like a wave going through your back. Hands back to the side. How long is she in there? How long is she in your back? She's really over. Wait, so now you can move your feet and go forward. I'm gonna skip it forward, so she rolls over.

Breathe, very nice. Okay, here's your guess. She's done with it. Very nice. Jessum in Stanley. It's easier. You're gonna roll onto your right side. And you've got your right arm still sticking out to the side.

She's gonna roll onto your belly from here. You're gonna roll onto your belly, Jesus. Yes, I knew this was how she's gonna get up. She's playing it off like these are yoga poses. Yeah, but it's really just a long way of getting up. I put my socks on in a yoga way where I put my foot on like this. I seem to have dislocated my right shoulder. I put my socks on in a yoga way where I put my foot like this. I seem to have dislocated my right shoulder. You don't have to omit anything. It's breathing really hard. I had it pretend it's not there. Just let yourself feel all of it. Oh my god. She's like

unfeeling it. She's like shifting back onto the mat. Her face is now asleep. Shifting back onto the mat her's getting is now asleep It's like a watching a whale play twist there. I know so he needs to run out and cover with wet towels She stuck on top of her arms got 300 pounds there. I know I don't think I could bench press this woman. No, no See that's what that's what shocks me She's trying to wiggle the oh my god wiggle back. She's not on the map Adidas brought you by Adidas move with us Brought you by a deed is move with us Dude she's still she's pretending this is yoga

She's scared to death that she's gonna lose her right arm. Oh, boy. Oh, okay. That's the way she had momentum. Thank you I want to see you get up. And then from here. Oh my god, she actually got to sit up. She does not need to be digging up. She's like a bowling ball, like a happy baby holding her feet. But we're going to come on. So yeah, she's rocking back and forth to get herself to go from laying back to sitting up.

Oh, wow. Oh, almost didn't happen. She had to rock pretty good. Oh no look at this. She's doing like an archon downward like on your hands and knees. It's like she did. Okay. It's like she did. Okay, it's like she has no abdomen. Yeah. Well, that was fun. That was fucking wild. Thank you to whoever sent that in. Well done. We see here. Fat positive, switch streamer.

Okay, that was the end of Fat Watch. Fat watch. A day in fat news. Ah, that was a wild one. Oh yeah. Head injury fucked you up. Hey Dick, I love your podcast long time with my brothers and some friends of ours.

I've personally been through major head injury that's impacted my cognitive function greatly to say the least. About a year ago, my boomer, dad, recently purchased a hyperbaric chamber because he's retired and read an article. What's a hyperbaric chamber because he's retired and read an article What's a hyperbaric chamber? This is what? Well, it's don't athletes use them. It's like under under pressure. Oh, it pressurizes you think so you can perform better

I think so you can perform oldness better. Yeah, I think it's a nag your kids better. Right. This is if it's a very boomer thing I've used it. I've purchased because you read an article. I've used it 20 plus times and afterwards, there's a very noticeable difference in my cognitive function. You know what somebody else told me that too? A lawyer told me that. Really?

For brain injuries that hyperbaric shit is good for you. My dad does it for one hour every day and the guy went from being nearly nursing home level retarded to a person you can have an intellectual conversation with. Oh, since your head injury, there's been a noticeable difference in you, in my opinion.

Oh, my brothers and friends agree. Maybe something worth looking into. What's, he doesn't, he doesn't elaborate on what the difference is. No, I'm only saying this because I know how much a head injury can affect your daily life. For my own personal entertainment, of course, please look into it or maybe something else

you trust upon your own personal research that helps brain injury. Should I get a big chamber? Should I do the show from inside of a chamber? I wish you would have elaborated. Maybe he can send something in about it. Anyway, I truly love the show man. And it's impacted my life positively.

Go unfuck yourself. Oh, thanks buddy. I'll look into that. Get a chamber. Why not? Put a little TV in there. You can just live there. Yeah.

And put like, do not disturb. I'll put it inside of a coffin. So people think I'm dead. So they don't show up near me. Right. Okay, a tiny Skellington man, Sleepy's rage of the week. K-Dick, call me Sleepy. I was getting groceries today around this time of the year,

I wear the hood of my hoodie, partially on my head most of the time. Partially, okay. What? Partially on my head most of the time. What am I supposed to do with that? That's where sunglasses and grocery stores, because they're very...

Because it's cold. I think that guy wrote us an email and loved that we love that we shit on him for that. Because it's cold, I embrace a comfy aesthetic and it helps me sue the ambient angst of being in grocery store with, oh yeah. This is the, with unvaccinated people wearing masks who haven't figured out yet

that they can just not wear masks by actively role-playing as a vaccinated person. Yeah, the people who haven't figured out the whole vaccine card thing, yeah, are really bugging me. Okay. You know, I go to, we have to show vaccine cards like, you mean for the show and stuff? For anything. You know, just it's, you've known about this long enough to have done something one way or the other about it. They're the same people who like see an open door.

Like if they were in a FEMA camp, a FEMA concentration camp, and a gate was open, they'd be like, oh, can we go out? Are we allowed to go through that? Yeah. That's the same people. Yeah, sure. Can someone ask if we're allowed to leave the concentration camp?

Do that open door? Don't ask. I don't know. In vaccinated people, still wearing masks who just deserve to be led into shipping containers with trails of candy. I agree. Anyway, I was using the self-checkout, half paying attention and texting while scanning my items. When I realized something, I just put in my bag, hadn't scanned. So I simply take the cheese out of my bag and scan it again. Within the

three-second window of this taking place, an employee, about 18 years older, so appears next to me, watches me and says, oh, okay. So I thought, so the guy thought I was shady, so the guy thought I was stealing the cheese. Is this what the future holds for us? Business making the customers do more work? Yeah. Yeah, you gotta be paying attention, man.

It's been this way for a long, long time. I mean, that's the, we have to do, we have to do all their jobs. Yeah, I don't have a problem with that. I do have a problem with the fucking guys being the target sheriff. Go, just making sure that you, just making sure that you scan that cheese.

Why? Why are you doing that? Yeah. How about I wait outside and kick the shit out of you after you're, was it gonna be worth it then that you are a fucking employee of the month, Sheriff? Where's your, you got a deputy in here? Cause I saw him make sure to not kick his ass.

Like what, this person, they're sick, it's a minted, it's like, just wanna make sure you scan that cheese. Why? It's not your cheese. Well, and care. Also, you can just kind of pretend you didn't fucking see it.

Yeah, like who cares? Like open her ass. Somebody, and fuck stealing cheese. Whatever you make, it's not enough to do that. Gonna get fuck is that, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Who knows, man, people are psycho. Yeah, meanwhile, some room temperature IQ knuckle dragger with a baby's fist ounce of authority looms around

like a preteen who just started karate now evaluating occurrences in their life as a potential opportunities to use karate. Yeah. Given you an ocular, I'm the lord of cheese, but this grocery store, all the cheese belongs to me. Yeah. So don't want you to disrespect the cheese

by not paying for it. Right. Bucks your problem, dude. That Peccarino can't defend itself. So don't want you to disrespect the cheese by not paying for it. Right. Fucks your problem, dude. That Pecorino can't defend itself. That's why we have to pay taxes, because of you. People like you, because there's so many of you. Well, you got to pay, you guys got to, I'm paying tax, you guys got to pay taxes too.

Like, why do you fucking care? Um, yeah, okay. There you go. You want to do advice? I'm going to song too. Yeah. I don't think I told anyone to call in. Yeah, okay. There you go. You wanna do advice? I'm gonna get a song too. Yeah.

I don't think I told anyone to call in. I'll check though. God, that yoga woman, I'm gonna watch that while I work out. Oh man, thank you Adidas. That's rough. So they're at home doing that? There's no women at home, or they're getting dressed up. They're putting their mat out like, look, Sean, look.

This is not a regulation-sized yoga mat. I think it's a solar cover for a pool. A spa, like a half of the spa unfolding it. Like what was? Something like that. They're getting dressed up in their're adidas gear and then they're watching this and then they're quitting like five minutes into it, right? Yeah. There's no way they're doing this. Definitely. It's actually showing the durability of their clothing.

AJ, hey, dig one yard line question. How do I not fuck up this three? Some, oh, wow, I have two girls coming through for the new England blizzard this weekend. One B cups, the other double D. Oh, fuck them both separately, but never together. It's been a while since I parlayed a three, okay, I'm so never. I don't know if I believe in quote moves, but there is something to definitely do, is there something to definitely do or definitely avoid here? PS, I'm totally blind. Couldn't have done the problem better myself. Totally blind.

Totally blind. Wow. Wow. I mean, fucking two chicks. Oh my God. Being blind makes a lot of shit harder, but getting laid is pretty much the same, I think, if you meet people in person. And they're also all tens. Yeah.

That would be a mate. Do you think you would be blind since birth or like, I don't know, I, that's very important to me. Yeah, which would you prefer? Oh boy, for yourself and for him, I guess. Like I don't know. I that's very important to me. Yeah, which would you prefer? Oh boy, for yourself and for him. I guess. Oh man, I don't even think about it. No, no, I would, I would, I would guess just, you know, I'm a sighted person first.

So I, no, I mean, I would, I think I would probably not want to ever have seen so that I wouldn't know what I am missing. Oh, so you would know that you make a blind from birth. It's all, you know, you don't even know, you know, you don't even know until that concept is, is, is articulated to you that you're just like this, this thing and you know that these voices come and people touch you and all that kind of stuff. And then at some point during your, you know your toddler years or childhood, you're like, well, no,

see other people, I don't even know how you, how you tell that concept to a kid. Well, I guess they're blind. Yeah, that other people there's, they just go ahead and get your blinds smack them and say, you didn't see that coming. Did you? Yeah. That's what it is. Sorry.

Get used to it. What do they, can they imagine, I guess they can only imagine what it's like. Imagine being blind and hooking up with it. Yeah, do they see things in their brain? Do they have mental, do you see things in your brain? Yeah.

Are you sure? Yeah, are you just see like, or do you just feel like, I can play scenes out. Yeah, but do you think you're playing scenes out or do you actually see them? No, I see them. Yeah, but do you think you're playing scenes out? Or do you actually see them? No, I see them. Well, how do you know?

Cause you're not really seeing them. They're just electrical impulses in your brain. Well, but it's creating a mental picture. But what's that? That's just like a collision of like a cascade of impulses and thoughts and feelings. You're not actually seeing something. But what is it?

Well, yeah, it's like a virtual thing. I mean, I know there's not actually a fucking, like you can think, you can imagine concepts that have no, that art attempts to recreate from in your brain, right? Oh, say that again. Like you can imagine concepts, like emotions, like love and joy and fear and terror,

that art attempts to recreate, to cause you to feel, but it's still not the pure concept that's in your mind, right? It gets close. You can kind of poke those feelings, but when you to feel, but it's still not the pure concept that's in your mind, right? It gets close. You can evoke those feelings, but when you feel those fear, anxiety, like all those things, you don't see a picture, right? So how do you know what you're imagining is actually a picture you're seeing?

Okay, here's the getting all Joe Rogan on everybody. Well, when I used to work at this golf club making, this custom club maker, when I was a teenager, we filed, he used to write everything like orders on like three by five cards, put him at a super, super old school, right? And put him like, this is the repair, this is the guy, this is the day the day that it's you. Yeah, like the 90s. So he couldn't remember. You sang the F slur every day, probably. You could do that in the multiple times a day. Yeah, I mean, that's how you would greet customers as they walked.

Yeah, what up, F slur? Like, yeah, good, good times. Yeah, back at you, my dumbass gonna call you an F slurfer. Yeah. But I could remember, he couldn't remember. This was like a couple of months later. And I remember, you know, seeing the cards and, you know, I would take note of his handwriting,

my handwriting, things like that. And he said, fuck, what was that guy's name? Like it was, he said, Victor, I don't know his last, he couldn't figure out where the fuck the fucking thing was filed because we had to pull up his info or whatever like that. I thought about it for a minute. And it just like, the picture of the card came to my brain. And I went, his last name is, there's an M, that's his middle initial, and like, you know, the picture of the card came to my brain. And I went, his last name is, there's an M,

that's his middle initial, and then Rose uses his last name. Wow, the memory in your brain. That's what I'm talking about. Is that what you're talking about? Well, I don't know if you saw it though. Like, whatever you use, remember all the details. It looked exactly like what I thought it looked like. Exactly.

Because he wrote it down, it was all capital letters. You don't get how they're so sure they're seeing a fucking picture in their mind. Instead of just a bunch of electricity that makes them think they're seeing a picture. That's exactly what it is. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't get how they're so sure they're seeing a fucking picture in their mind instead of just a bunch of Electricity that makes them think they're seeing a picture. That's exactly what it does. I that's not a natural picture

Okay, wait I'm being blind fuck online dating. Oh my god What a nightmare Online dating for blind people. Yeah That is how do you know if they're fucking lying in their picture? nightmare. Online dating for blind people. Yeah. What? That is, how do you know if they're fucking lying in their picture? Yeah, how do you even know if they're not lying? Like, if there's no dating apps, right?

Like all of society has handicapped parking everywhere. Even when it is a nightmare, even if you're like going to the gym, pregnant law enforcement, they keep taking away regular people's spaces. Fuck those, you can get towed out of those. You can get towed out of a handicap parking. For sure. But Tinder does not make women put their weight on there so that blind men are not, horn swaddled by some hogs.

How are you supposed to be blind playing Tinder? What are you even swiping on? There's gotta be some kind of a readout on there so it can like go, wah, wah, wah, give blind people a clue if they're looking, if there's a fat woman or an ego But you know ugly. Yeah. Yeah. What do they care? What do they care right well, but fat? Oh Right, right. Can you imagine being blind coming across your first fat woman? Mm-hmm not knowing the concept well

Yeah, yeah sure moving. Wow. Yeah being blind. That's a trip Yeah, sure. You're moving. Wow. Yeah, being blind, that's a trip. Fuck online dating. Can't do that without a sighted friend to whale watch. Yeah. Wow.

I would love to hear more blind problems about dating. I got to call in. I want to talk about, has he always been blind? What is it like? Do you need something to definitely do? The drugs. Okay. There you go. Yeah. Something to definitely do, the drugs. Okay, there you go. Yeah.

Something to definitely avoid. Avoid doing no drugs. Oh, okay. How about that? Avoid ketamine. Yes, on drugs. No one on ketamine. All right, there you go.

You're not gonna get better advice than that. Okay, and turn the music way up. Turn the music up so high that they can't think straight because that's your enemy. Sex plus relationship with older gal. Dick, I need your advice big time. I'm 29 and I've had a secret friends with benefits type relationship with my best friend

for over six years now. Well, okay, there's multiple problems in that sentence, I think, let's hear it. Well, my best friend, but a secret friends with benefits, relationships with my best friend. Which I'm in? That's right, that's where I'm going.

Yeah, I don't think you don't know. You really just don't fuck your best friend. I think your best friend's not a woman. That's, I know. No. But I agree. I know your best friend's not a woman. That's I know. No, but I agree. I know people say that that happens and need a different word for it. I because it's not I don't not what it is. I don't think I don't I really don't think a man and a woman can be best friends. No.

She is gorgeous, funny, kind, has a radiant personality funny kind has a radiant personality as well as a set of farm raised all American double D bombs. She's also 11 years older than me. Oh, she's as old as me. A little bit younger. We started hooking up when I was 23. Oh, you were groomed. She's a pedophile, sir.

I mean, she's so old. But we kept it a secret because both of our families are fairly religious. Your best friend. When people ask us, is she really your best, isn't she just a girl you've wanted to get with like your whole life? You're fixated on that. It's fucking mesmerizing. It's, yeah, could you be friends with a girl

that you wanna get with your whole life? I couldn't do that. No, no, no, no. It's like watching a meal, it's like watching a meal that you wanna eat, just get fucked. Right. For 11 years.

Yeah. When people ask us if we're dating, which they do fairly regularly, we just laugh, shake our heads and say, no, just good friends. We love to drink together. And everybody goes, yeah, right. Yeah, they keep asking. Like, yeah, I think it's like, yeah, he might be the only one who doesn't know.

Yeah. Everybody else is like, yeah, okay, bud. It's like everybody that, like that one gay cousin that's not out of the closet and like everyone keeps asking. I don't keep asking when he's going to get a girlfriend. Like, yeah, because they're giving you an end to like, say that one gay cousin that's not out of the closet and like everyone keeps asking. Everyone keeps asking when he's gonna get a girlfriend. Like yeah, because they're giving you an end to like say that you're gay. Right, right, right.

We love to drink together, go to concerts, and occasionally bang. It's great. Here's what's causing me grief. Her age to put it bluntly. I feel like I'm just beginning to hit my physical prime. You 29. You already brought this in, dude.

I did. Yeah. Oh, really? I thought this was the same one, but yeah, I don't know if we went all the way through, but. Oh, really? Yeah.

Maybe you do need a hyperbaric chamber. Maybe I do. All right, cut that out then, Sean. Uh, okay, here's what I'm gonna do. Wait a minute, or I could have read it. Did he address it to both of us? I don't know. Give me a look.

Shit, now I'm not. Did I bring this in? No, I'm not sure whether you got it. Did I bring this in already? Or whether I read it. Ha ha ha. Uh, let me ask them. Anybody, anybody listening here?

God, if I'm really having mental problems, if I already brought this in. No, no, no, it's to me too. My bad, I think I'm wrong. Well, I guess we'll get roasted if I already. You didn't bring this in, somebody says. Yeah, okay, that means that I read it. Sorry, go ahead.

Her age, to put it bluntly. I feel like I'm just beginning to hit my physical prime while she is most likely cresting the peak of hers. For some reason that makes me feel guilty. Like I'm wasting the best years of her man catching season with this secretive non-committal Friends with benefits very Egotistical way of looking at it. Yeah, she is perfectly capable. She's way past her best. You're not holding her hostage in any way. She can do whatever she wants.

She's probably fucking tons of other guys. She's there. She's keeping it friends with benefits. Not you, believe me, believe me. They know how to turn the screws on you. She's there because she's getting something out of it. Whatever that might be, emotionally, physically, both, you're not believe me.

You're not pulling one over on her and taking her out of the, out of the rotation, you know, out of the dating pool. They don't get over yourself. You're not doing that. They don't want you to feel even an ounce of pleasure ever. So if you're satisfied with the arrangement, she's getting something out of it. Of course. Maybe it's my religious upbringing.

No, guilt, guilt should not enter into anything. Your head ever. Certainly not this situation. Maybe it's my religious upbringing, but I feel like I should either marry her or break up with her. Nothing. Dude, I see this. It's like men have just drawing very hard.

Yeah, men have become this demented cult when it when it when anything comes up around marriage. Sean ate an edible. Like the fire in the night. Sean ate it. Yeah. And it's only it's only recent to like the 80s and 90s men were not men were not so eager to demonstrate their need

to be, their willingness to be domesticated by women. Absolutely true. Like I hate sounding like Tom Likus. Yeah. But this, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is disturbing. Men needs a little like us now. Oh yeah. Yeah.

And I don't even know if it's like Likus is like pump him and dump him. Yeah, yeah Oh yeah. Yeah. And I don't even know if it's like like is this like pump them and dump them. Yeah. Yeah. Which it's just like not being so not being so obsessed with like marriage or like like you're creating reasons to like call yourself anxiety. Yeah. Right. Right. Get anxious about that. Oh, look what I'm doing to this girl. It could just come from a very, it's an egotistical thing, too. She is perfectly capable. Believe it, she's been around a lot longer than you have. She is getting something out of it.

She is perfectly capable of going, no, I'm going to go, you know, I'm looking for something more, I'm looking for something else. Believe it, you have to say no. You're not tricking her into not getting out there. Yeah. Um, I think guys get obsessed with labels too, I think. Yeah. Like they're obviously in a relationship.

They just, he just doesn't want to say it or I don't know. Guys, I think they're so powerless against the bug eating and the living in a pod that like they want to they want to have like as many they want to get married now and have kids now like to increase their voting power in the future thinking that this will this is the thought process. I don't know of today's men. It's it's men pretending to be hot women on Twitter so that other men will hit on them and they can judge each other on how high their masculinity is based on this interaction. In no way, does this collide with a woman's orbit in any way? This is just a man on man and that it's political to overthrow the liberal machine they need to have a bunch of babies. It's psychotic.

Oh, is that like a right thing? Oh yeah. Yeah. It seems like it. Part of me wants to wipe her up because we get along so well. Well, I mean, do it then. But one, I'm not emotionally or financially ready

to settle down, I believe one of those. Two, I want kids and she doesn't. Well, you got to pick then, bud. Okay, that's a legitimate, like she's like 40 years old. Yeah. You know, yeah, you can certainly have kids after 40. You're, you know, the risks go up. Yeah. You know, yeah, you can certainly have kids after 40. You're, you know, the risks go up. Yeah.

You know what actually though? I think the risks go up a lot more when you eat like shit. I was reading this thing about how autism's going nuts. Yeah. You used to not be diagnosed, but now women are eating so much garbage, it's like fucking up the pregnancy. I mean, maybe, but they also didn't use to know what to diagnose. That's true, but also just look at how fucking fat women are.

Yeah. You know what, like that's not, you can't just discount that. No, you know, yeah, sure. I mean, yeah, your diet affects a lot of things. I don't know what I don't know. Like, the only thing that's going on in there is what you're eating. I know. There's nothing else happening inside you. Well, baby's in there. You're giving up what what you're eating. I know. There's nothing else happening inside you.

Well, baby's in there. You're giving us what you eat. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Two, I want kids and show that, well, you got to pick. Everyone's got to, everyone's got to pick. One or the other. Or it gets picked for you.

I've never had any sniz younger than myself. Christian College was pretty dry in that department. What do, man? Should I stop feeling guilty? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. say you're not in a relationship. You don't, you know, only each other anything. Well,

hey, take care on a technicality. Oh, yeah. I know you're not. That'll be great for long term. I know he's stuck there. I know he's more into it than she is. Yeah, he sounds like it. Do I break it off and start swiping on 20-somethings?

Oh, welcome to hell. So what? Break off the friends benefits and just stay best friends. Okay. I need to do something. I need to do something right now. So what, break off the friends benefits and just stay best friends. Okay, I need to do something. I need to do something right now. All the best. Cory, love you, Sean.

Do we answer his question? I think we just ripped on him. No, I mean, do you just forget about there's there. There are legitimate things in life to feel guilty about. Dick will disagree with that. But they're like, what? But there are. There are legitimate things in life to feel guilty about. Dick will disagree with that. But they're like, what? But there are. Well, I mean, if he won, I'm not taking the bait.

I'm not taking the bait. That is not a scenario to feel guilty about. Yeah. You're not doing anything to her. Or keeping her from doing anything. You're not. Go fuck young girls. See how fun it is.

Yeah. Yeah. Fun it is talking about that stupid shit all day. Okay. Last one. What time is it? Oh my God. It's too already.

I said I was going to read this one last one, but we got too distracted. Philip, dealing with the death of your father. I remember this one. Okay. Hey, Dekin, John, I know you're probably the worst person to come to for this advice. Use person singularly. So he's probably talking about you. But fuck it, my father died two years ago today. And I've only gotten worse over it.

My dad died two months before I turned 18. Ah, of colon cancer. Oh, Jesus. I blame myself for his death, and I don't know how to stop. I know it's stupid, but as much as I try to tell myself that it's not my fault and think about his death, I still blame myself. How do you give him, Colin? How do you give somebody Colin? Keep reading. Stick it in there. I can take this, Dad. Shoot a microwave gun up. Is she saying this? I think it would work.

Oh shit. You bought a A-ness microwave. This is not, this guy's going to Greenland if he's listening to this. But a little bit of toxic, like an animate carbon rod. Stick it in there, right? Yeah. Like with X-rays shooting out of it?

Like a, yeah, like something from a... On New Year's Eve, 2019, he was feeling really sick. So I stayed with him and nursed him. We made it about four or five days with him just getting worse and worse before I called my mom. But he was feeling really sick, so he hadn't been diagnosed at that point. He just says he was feeling sick. Okay.

I called my mom and said I needed help. She came and saw him and made me call 911. And now, classic women overreacting to everything. Well, turns out he had his intestine had torn open and he had gone septic. Oh, shit. Wait, so he sounded like, wait, it sounded like he already had cancer, right?

And he was just, I don't know. Four or five days, a new Year's Eve, he was feeling really sick. So I say, it sounds like he had cancer already, cancer diagnosis already. Is that what you're asking? Yeah. Sounds like it. Okay, let's see. Maybe he explains, after the hospital, they put him on hospice. And he died two weeks later. Oh, shit. I hope he realized I was there when he passed. Anyone who has had someone,

they love put on hospice knows that there's shells of their former selves. Just too many drugs and too much pain to really be there. You can't hold conversations with them. You're just kind of waiting for them to die. I wish I called 911 sooner. Well, well, you know. I think that's the main source of my guilt around the death is that I just feel

like I had called sooner, it would have been better. No, I mean, that would be where that, I'm sure that's what you would think. I mean, yeah, everybody knows 911. You know, dad knows 911 too. Oh, you're saying, yeah, it was filming, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, game to get in. You're rationalizing it. Like, I would not anyway. You know, there's no way. He's also. Whoops. He's got a family and like, you happen to be there.

No, there's no way that's your responsibility alone. It's his. Who? The dad. Well, I feel like shit. Are you gonna call 911? No. Okay. That's all. I mean, if he's conscious, no, I don't. Look, people could be checking in on them all the time. I mean, I know you were there, but people should be, you know, if you're that kind of family,

where you're, you know, where you care what's going on with the other person, and you know that he's sick, I'm sure that if, you can't take all responsibility. You just can't, you can't. It's not a vid. It's just, everybody knows what 911 is. Like, are you feeling that?

You're calling it or not? Yeah. That's fucking calling it for you. I get that. Unless you're unconscious, well, he's going, and now he's going, well, that's what he'd say. He wouldn't want to make a big deal. I should have known better.

No. That's what he's thinking. Yeah, that's, no, you can't do that. I thought about doing it on the second or third day, but just told myself that he would be fine. Yeah. And now he's fucking dead. Yeah, I mean, well, okay.

I figure after two years, I would be feeling better, but I just feel shittier and guiltier every day. I went to a concert a few months ago with my aunt. To see a band he got us into. And like halfway through the show, this thought just popped into my head. You need to apologize to your aunt for killing her brother.

Oh, and not letting her experience this with him. And had to take like 20 minutes to calm myself down and get out of my head. Yeah, well, look, I'm sure I would virtually guarantee she does not think that you killed her brother. I that would have killed the moon. I mean, maybe if she did, that would have definitely killed the mood of the concert. Wait until after. I'm going to say something.

You're going to drop something like that and somebody waits till after the show, you know, you know what? You're listening to Free Bird right when it hits. You know, on somebody's like, Hey, by the way, sorry, I killed you. So the dad got him into Leonard's skinnard. Yeah, that's the band. Yeah, that's funny. Dad really loved Leonard.

Yeah, right. Yeah, check this out, here's my favorite part. Hey, sorry for killing your brother. You're a whole thing. I get, I'll bet no one else is blaming you one Iota. Maybe they are. Maybe they, why? You cannot, you can't feel based on how other people

feel about it. No, no, no, no, no, that's, yeah, it is, it's just you. I feel like I heard everyone in my family and don't know how to fix it. Well, you can't. No, you fucking dead. Yeah. If they had a problem with it, they would have been there.

It's every, you got your choices. And that's all you don't get to bring anybody else's decision making on shit you do and the way you feel about it. It's what you're doing. Yeah, that's it. If you regret it, you regret it. Look, it's not your fault.

No, it's dead. Yeah, people aren't responsible for other people's feelings too. Maybe I could have been in Portugal, fought all those guys off-routh. Maybe. So he doesn't have titanium in his head. Everyone's making fun of him. But no.

But I didn't. I chose to walk my dog. Yeah, man, that's rough as fuck. I mean, I know, I know, I'm sure he's feeling all of those things he's talking about. Yeah. But it's, yeah. Too much, you're taking responsibility

for something that isn't, you didn't, you didn't kill him. You just didn't. Um, I've been having bad anxiety attacks with, I was, I was, I was vacationing with my family, Grand Canyon at the Grand Canyon. My dad was fucking around. This is, this is not too long ago. He kept fucking around and getting too close to the edge. I like, oh, check this out. I'm like, man, that's not funny. Yeah. It still gives me anxiety to think about it.

I think, what have you just fucking slipped over the edge? Then I would feel like, oh, why didn't I do something? But what can you do? It's like dad, like you're, people think, you know, he probably thinks he's a better athlete than he is now. Well, his reflexes are quicker. His value, it's like nobody in my family doesn't, nobody in my family doesn't think they're a better athlete than they are.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I've been having bad anxiety attacks. And now I just started fucking crying randomly. I've probably cried more in the past six months than I did all of high school. How much were you crying in high school? I hope not much. I don't know. Are you asking me?

What was going on in high school? You're crying. No drinking. Yeah. I was drinking high school. I was drinking in high school. Plenty. Have you tried drinking, sir?

I don't get what's wrong with me. Will you feel like you killed your dad? I just want to cope with this healthily. Go talk to somebody, not us. What's that gonna do? It's gonna be bad. I mean, you know, you know therapists. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. What are they gonna say? Well, the stocks. They'll ask you questions that we're not thinking of and putting, helping you put it in a way that you might not have thought of.

Go talk to a car salesman. See if they, if they, Hey, if you can talk me out of feeling bad, I'll buy this car. They'll do it. Well, he's in a brand, he's in a brand new fucking forerunner crying as he's pulling out of the, no, go to a dealership and say, yo, I'll buy what's

this? What's this raptor with all the shit on it? The Ford Raptor 90 grand. If you can talk me out of feeling this guilt that I have towards killing my dad, I will buy this today. Well, what was your dad's favorite car? Yeah, two hours, you'll be cured. Yeah, cheaper. Yeah, than a therapist in the long run. Go talk to the therapist. Go try it. And do mine. Go try it.

Also, any advice? I know this is a fuck's one. That's literally anything about dealing with death and guilt would be helpful. Go fuck yourself. Fill from Colorado. Sorry, the email probably wasn't well written. It was probably the best written advice email ever.

Right. I hope I explained everything well. It was hard to write. Well, you know, it should happen so every day. People die. Yeah, everyone's gonna die eventually. And everybody, yeah. And people are dying from smoking and drinking their whole lives.

Somebody's letting them fucking do it. This is not the way it works. Yeah. He's taking, he's taking the end result and kind of discounting everything that led up to that. Yeah, where does it's a diagnosis? Like where, how far back can you go? It's like you didn't give him the cancer. You didn't get, it's, you know, shit fucking happens like that.

Yeah. And you're looking at the ultimate result and saying you're responsible for it and you're not. Um, go find a car salesman. That's what they'll talk about. Good God. I get anything. Where is the responsibility end, I guess.

What do you mean? Well, he didn't do it, so I got to do that. And then what's like, how far does it go? Well, I was gonna go to, and what's gonna go live my life, except I have to go. And why does it actually have to be Responsibility for something like that. Yeah, people just like it's like, but it's it's a natural

It's like well whose fault was it? You know what? It's how people deal with stuff to burn down a church Hey, you know, maybe don't maybe to pre-stuff out of sleep and say you mother fucker. Why did God do this to me? Right? I'm pretty sure that's what it's for. I'm pretty sure that's exactly what it's for. Church? Yeah. God. Yeah, sure.

Why did God do this? To anthropomorphize your suffering. Okay, this is Andres a Yingvesan with Dick joke. Here you go. Patreon.com slash the Dick Show. We'll see you next season. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Dick-chop Dick-chop Dick-chop Dick-chop I respect that Dick-chop Dick-chop I respect that

Dick-chop Dick-chop I Murderfuls I'ma all be like the back of rangero music Yeah Putting in some sense and shit Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- government work. Okay, great. Thank God. Finally. Fuck it. After two years. I don't speak for all. I'm not the Jesus. I'm not the Neal. The grass. Tyson. A libertarian.

I'm just saying I think people should get vaccinated. People should get vaccinated. I respect that. That's some old polls. That's an old poll. Yeah. An effective and effective people. Meet and effective people. Meet and effective people. What fight? Meet and effective people.

Oh, what a dude. What I'm talking about. I'm sorry. Tremendous is waiting. Tremendous is waiting. This is what they play on Euphoria, whether shelling all those penises. Yeah.

I think it's successful. Bubba, Bubba. So what, if that guy doesn't feel better about his life? Oh shit. Do I have to feel bad for not giving him good advice? No. Well, come on. I'm being a tasty for just a dollar.

And this so far they gave me a small loan of a million dollars. And the most successful. No, if you have to, these are great pulse. Television, the appendix, which is tremendously. This is a strange track. Yeah, it is. Very very. Trauma is great at it.

Okay. All right, all right. We're going to be able to create it. Great. Mexico. China. China. Trust me. I'm like a smart person.

Okay, okay, okay. Hey, Dick. I was just listening to your most recent episode about your failed Portugal trip. And when I heard that you're going to the Azores with Ralph, I was kind of surprised because it's kind of a small chain of islands. There's not many people there and there's not much to do.

Perfect. Because I went there about 10 years ago because all my family's from there. And like really all there was to do is visit family. There's not much to do there. Drugs and drunk, right? And like I would kind of excuse it if you're going to uh... some egao island uh... that's the biggest one of the stuff that's like something you know anything about those places to see right ii

uh... that's the kind of place where you would like he knows a lot about our are you saying i'm gay is that what is the point is right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right Yeah, I'm sorry to say this but I'm pretty sure Ralph wants to fuck you It's probably good thing that you broke your foot. Oh, okay. Well, oh and Ralph Perseida Perseida. What's that? That's a Serie A stupid fuck. Oh He's promising you wrong. Oh, I don't know. Look pretty today The A's. What is that? How did that guy say it? Zores. Zores.

I think you said, yeah, the Zores. Hey, assume they have liquor there. Zores or a Zores. It's beautiful. You saw the pictures of it. It looked like a cool looking Hawaii. Yeah. I mean, I've always, I've always known about that.

They're over there. I mean, they seem like an interesting place, but yeah. I mean, if he's, you know, from there, okay, whatever. I've seen enough like European big cities. I don't need to go do another tour of, look at this. It's incredible. This is just, it looks like Lord of the Rings stuff, but is that like a volcano rim?

But I'm allowed to go there. Uh, at some point, yeah. It looks nice. Yeah, totally. Right, well, can I, can I not go to an island and hang around and without it being gay? It's just like a, it's another place to see an island. It's like a million miles away from living in Southern California, from living in an industrial US. I mean, yeah, I would be accused of being gay with Ralph. Yeah. I guess not.

Maybe not. The plan was to go to one of those islands on like Wednesday and stay for a couple days and then come back and come home. Oh, just, I'd love to know which island, but it looks like you can pick up a ticket to any of them from Portugal for like 40 bucks. Yeah.

And all of the, like, like, how else we saw where it's like a bus ride. Yeah. So we'll figure it out. Figure it out when figure down we get there will ask people where to go? That's a kind of trust the fucking internet and all this shit content that gets created by agencies that don't fucking up right? So yeah, yeah, but I guess that's gay so Thank you for thank you for the call Yeah, what's up, Dick? So, I think it's weird to story, guys. What's just to do?

You're what are these podcasts or whatever the fuck that was? I'm a crossover episode. When are these podcasts? Spend it goes. Yeah. I'm not spank on myself, buddy. Let's get that out of the way. My buddies were asked about the place.

It's called the... The intense bust into Nancy. Smake day, guys. I haven't taken much of it. Oh. the way. Asbestos plays called the dance busting to Nancy. Make that guys. I think much of it. You pay $20. You go upstairs. There's a bunch of kinky shit going on. Anything other than stuck in a fucking, you know. And there's like, and this is normally just a regular bar. I'm the second floor. There's tarps or normally like every tarps. How much come it? Yeah, there's a lot of shooting around.

And you can't say. Fat ladies doing yoga inside, you know, for the tarps, they're really talking shriks about that. They put tape over your phone, all the fun shits. Um, but yeah, yeah, he's somehow going to be into like getting spanked. Oh, yeah, over a pool table. And like in front of me, I'm just seeing this man to it. Get like, get like fingered and it's just, it's, it's, it's, what do you do? What do you do? I just walk by the way, but this memory is just a bad party all the way around.

With tarps? Anyway, that woman getting fingered? Well, I'm story short is, yeah, it ends up getting into like this weird shock territory We're like you have a shop panel. You're spanking me after that ended Yeah I Went out stairs with him and we part our ways of the and I was weird as fuck. I didn't think anything of it I come home and

There's like home in my underwear and like he messages me later and i need to like yeah i know i thought your book like you know that shit was how and like you know what and that she was what is friend gay and once again and you know what that you would you go to see

those holes in his underwear he had like, that he's... He's needing us to believe that like, happened when he was getting spanked, like it, right? I don't know. As opposed to him putting on holy underwear, like it happened at the fucking place. He got spanked so hard, they put holes in his underwear?

I guess. Like a space shuttle? Boom. Like so much energy was dissipating in the, yeah, it burnt his underwear. Maybe Wow Serious. Yeah, let's say electric paddle or something. I don't know. That was this very strange call. Yeah Didn't follow. Okay. Here we go. Yeah. Hey, what's up, Dick? Yeah, hi, Sean. I've got a dilemma, I guess, I don't know. Recently, divorce, that's the good part of the story. I've been dating a new

girl who is a very cute natural redhead, skinny with, I'm guessing, see, Tiss, they're nice, like fucking big orange, I don't know. And as Homer would say, let's call the grapefruit, I don't know. And as Homer would say, a five-year-old is long quit. But anyways, she has a notice something. When the sun hits her face, she has this one long hair that hangs off her lip,

like, oh, that's just fine, but there's this one hair and it drives me crazy. When the sun and the other hair of her lip, it doesn't feel it sometimes when we're making out. She doesn't, and it's a fucking move killer. She doesn't notice it If I had the choice I'd tie a string around it and do that I do the other side of the string The door like a kid's loose tooth and rip it the fucking sleeping fucking no Tweet it out. Yeah, and then deny you know anything girl. Hey, you got hair hanging off your lip. Anyway, yeah, I don't know what to do, man.

Like, I'm very happy with this girl, but this hair needs to go. Go fuck yourself. Oh, not hair today. Wow. Well, we can't, he can't just say something. I hate it when people say, well, you have to communicate. That's never worked for any man in the history of mankind.

Well, you should just talk to her about it. Oh, mankind. Well, you should just talk to her about it. Oh, really? And then I should go talk to her about it. So she talks to me about like 10,000 things. She has a problem with me. Sounds great. That is the danger of communication. Getting it back?

Well, yeah, because it'll come back to you tenfold. Yeah. Exactly. How do you sneakily? No, there are ways to send her a study that's just like, nine out of ten women don't even know they have a huge hair on their lip. That's not a bad idea. Yeah, make it up in my fake study machine. Right, you do have it.

Yeah. Get one of our friends to send it to her. Yeah, you can send hints without coming out and saying it. Yeah. What's a good hint? You could send hints without coming out and saying it. Yeah. What's a good hint? You can send besides that one. Maybe do they have a card for this?

Does Hallmark have cards for like, you got a hair on your lip? Small exposure to COVID can cause like increase in hair growth, like facial hair growth. You know, that kind of stuff. It was like, it happened to this woman at work or the... Oh, yeah. People say you can do something, it's like... Lies. Yeah, lies.

...thing about it. Lies. Just so that they draw attention to that part and take care of the problem themselves. Yeah. Maybe you could say your mom has it. My mom had this huge hair on her lip. We never believe it. Yeah, totally. Just came out of nowhere.

Just sprung up. I know where. So she doesn't think she's been walking around with it forever. Like it's like, no, just literally, she said it was just sprung up overnight. How does she not see it? Maybe she needs glasses. I don't know.

You should go, hey, do you need glasses? When's the last time you got an eye exam? Did you get a big fucking hair on your lip? I don't know if you're blind or what. Yeah. Or you just don't, or she's been trying to grow a mustache for 15 years. Throw some narrative face.

That'll take care of it. Little, oh, did you cut your lip and put a bandaid on there? Ah, yeah! Oh, no, I'm mistaken. Oh, no, right. There it goes. Let's play a game where we wear fake moustaches today.

Right. There we go. There's my spirit gum from the, get it right on there. Okay, that's another this game. Ba. Yep. No, it doesn't do it for me.

Zip. Turns out I don't want to fuck Magnum PI. Yeah. Accidentally put it in your phone as Magnum PI. Yeah, and leave it open. Right. Who's Magnum PI? Oh, that's just what I, uh,

Oh, that's just what I have for you. Right. Cause if you're, I mean, it makes you look distinguished and all, but. Uh, okay. Kat, I don't know how to get rid of that one. Sneakily. Make one of your friends teller.

Yeah. There's ways. Yeah. There's ways. Make one of your friends, teller. Yeah. There's ways. Yeah. There's ways. Yeah, we've got to spit a few out. Okay, here we go. Dick, I thought you just got out of a long relationship. We're in new to the dating game again.

You know, you get a little rusty after you've been in a relationship for a while, I feel it. Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you I think we've only kissed like a few times. I'm just wondering. I didn't go anywhere from there. You know, yeah. Make the move. She's a drink at all. So you know that, you know, that's not gonna help at all. Yeah, no, I need your advice on this one.

I think you're okay. Here, obviously, if you kind of out four times, the woman for hours on end. It's not advice. That's a judgment. Go fuck guys. He's lit. That's my advice.

Yeah. I'm not dating has changed a lot. I'll see that in a fortune cookie. You were, well, look at the evidence. You need to be more, you need to go for it. Like that's grab him by the pussy. If you've made, if you've made out and it's not going anywhere, it's because you're not making it go anywhere. A failed relationship and kissed multiple times as I go anywhere.

Have you asked him his favorite song? Everybody says, Liza Manelli or something. That's where you're going. You're gay. Just date guys. Okay. Hi, Jack. I know I've already probably left this rage, but. Hey, just stay guys. Okay. Hi, Dex.

I know I've already probably left this rage, but what makes me a rage is all of the intellectual types and politicians and public figures and anyone who's been commenting on COVID publicly for the past two years and up into the past, maybe three months, they've been saying, we have lockdowns, we need to mask the kids, and we have mandatory vaccinations, and it's all very good, we all want this. And now suddenly,

some recent polls have come out about public support for COVID and they're saying, actually, we know we realize that masks don't work and vaccines don't stop transmission. And COVID was made in the lab and we need to reopen everything. And they're acting like this is just new knowledge that has come to them.

They've suddenly just been following the path of rationality and righteousness. And in reality, they were just being hysterical because they could gain power that way. Well, and now the power is not possible. Nice side effect. They are a big hysterical. Well, there's been hysteria from day one,

from evidence that's recently been uncovered. No, fuck those people. People who were hysterical about COVID a year ago should be ostracized from society. They are society, bro. I don't know. It's fucking furious. Yeah, me too. Fuck those people.

People that were trying to destroy liberty and were complicit in destroying liberty. They should be fucking segregated from society. They should be put in a fucking camp. Well, they're segregating themselves too. Go fuck yourself. That's what makes me a rage. I'm still a fucking rage. It doesn't help.

Yeah, it sounds like a very calm rage. Fuck it is. It's never going to go away. It's fucking never going to go away. I hate even more than that. Yeah, I hate the, I hate the we did it people. Cause I said right at first day. Well, what do you mean we did it? We didn't, I mean, it's fading.

Did everything we could. Now it's just time to, it's just, now we're gonna have to, you know, just deal with it. Just face it. We've got, I don't think it's something that like you say, like we did it. I mean, oh, I see that from both sides. I'm wearing my mask.

How come I do as much as I can? Well, the thing now, you know, with the mutations and then viral loads are different and smaller. It's like, yeah, everything, it changes. That's what a virus does. It changes. They did it. With all their precautions.

What, they defeated it? Yeah. Yeah, they think that. I don't know anybody who thinks they defeated it. The people on the right think that their message is getting through. Like, no, we've been resisting and harping at these idiots for so long.

They're finally starting to see that's through all these lies. So they're just bored. So both sides think they somehow did a good job. Because it's the most annoying part because rationalization is a powerful thing. That's the most annoying part for me. It's both stuff. Oh, we did it. Guys, it's been hard.

We had to make sacrifices, but we did it. We got through it. I don't think we did stuff. It is what it is. Like it's gonna be around. Like it just happened. Like you can't accurately put a judgment almost on any of that shit.

It's like that's all sheer rationalization. Yeah, that's what it is. And I get what you gotta keep on the pressure. Like it's like, do that. I'm like, do that. Keeping the pressure on and getting the message out there. Like no, bro, they're just bored. They got bored of making you wear masks.

So now they're going to go and do something else to fuck with you. It's all they live for. It's all they do. There's got nothing else to do, but make other people do things for fun. It's fun. I don't think that, I don't think no matter what happens, I don't think there's going to be shutdowns or anything like that. It's good.

What do you mean? I don't think they're going to like all of a sudden go, oh, now we're going to close the NBA arenas. Like, you know what I mean? Like the ship sailed. Like we're on the NBA. We're at a, no, just in society. Like we're at a place. It's like, okay, people, you think you're high risk.

Like, I don't think there's going to be anymore. Oh, is your shock now coming? I'm going to ask you what you're saying. You don't think there's going to be what? More COVID shutdowns? Yeah, I don't think there's going to be any more. Oh, is your shock now? No, I'm not asking you what you're saying. You don't think there's going to be what? More COVID shutdowns? Yeah, I don't think so. No, it's global warming snacks. I don't think so.

This show. COVID will be around for a while, but it's back, but it's going to be, it's going to stop being lead stories in another year or two. You know, We're bored of it. Yeah, I'm bored of it. Yeah, I'm bored of it.

But next is, they're going to do. Yeah, I'm bored of it. Yeah, I'm bored of it. But next is they're gonna do a little reset with this Russia shit. Yeah, because Moron's still, no matter what, they will, they buy this. I don't know why. Probably because Russia's flag is red. Well, you can't say that. Well, they're bad guys.

Look, they're flags all red. Well, they always, they always were. You know, we always thought that red flag was bad. Yeah, from the very big, they'd never done anything. Yeah, they've been since the, since the second world war, you know. Yeah, it was all, I mean, we had a cold war for a long time, you know. They did the most work in the second world war. Yeah, we did the ones that actually had to go across germ, right?

Well, when Hitler turned on them, yeah, they're, uh, their Air Force in particular was a huge reason. Yeah. That they helped us out big time. You know why people buy this that Russia is a bad guy thing? What? Because the map makes Russia look so big. Yeah. Yeah. It's not, no, it's nearly that big. No, no, no, no, it's see. It's super spread out. Accurate size of Russia map, because it's all so much of it comes to top. Oh, yeah. It's all stretched out. Like all little villages, you know, it's, here's an actual, here's the actual size of

Russia. See this? Yeah. Right. It's like just a tiny bit bigger than I can. But everybody grew up looking at this gigantic behemoth of Russia. So they're like, well, we got a, that's the evil empire. Look at how fucking big they are.

Sure. So they'll believe anything. Well, USSR. Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, it's been a bunch of different countries now, but. Yeah. So we'll reset a little bit with that. And then we're going straight into global warming lockdown.

Yeah. We can't, everybody. Lockdown't. Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. Okay. Meat relishing. I like these predictions. Gas rationing. Yeah. Well, there's no way to save what we, there's no way to prevent the, there's no way to prevent what they've already kicked off over the last two years. With the amount of, with the amount of, of easing that the Fed has done. Yeah. And the amount of like, just the Fed has done. Yeah.

And the amount of, like Japan did the same thing and they just never stopped. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they just never stopped. They never got out of it. Their economy never grew. And the amount of people, they're just letting into the country. California is not sustainable anymore.

Like there's no talking, what are people leaving? People leaving in the last few years. I think California's lost people what are people leaving? Yeah, the last is are leaving in the last few years. I think California's lost people, haven't they? Yeah, yeah. California in New York. But it doesn't matter because the federal government is just going to fuck everybody. Like the civil, the civil war will be between, will be the next civil war will be fought

either between Bitcoin and white supremacy. And it only matters who wins. If the South winds, the Civil War's fought over Bitcoin, financial sovereignty, and if the North winds, it was fought over white supremacy yet again. They managed to route out all the white supremacist truckers. I don't know. It's going to be so depressing to be right. Anyway, that's enough. See you. Good luck with that.

Yeah, have fun eating bugs. You're not gonna have a choice. They're just gonna come, they're just gonna come to you. And feed you bugs. You won't be able to not eat the bugs because you won't know where the bugs are. Yeah, right? Where they are.

Like I'm ordering from the restaurant down the street. Bugs. It's all bugs. It's Right? Where they are. Like I'm ordering from the restaurant down the street. Bugs. It's all bugs. All bugs. It's all made by kitchen united. So, oh no, we're just using a different cooking oil. Now, that's why the taste is different. Yeah.

Call your favorite restaurant. Oh, hi, this is Amazon restaurant for fun. Amazon. I mean Amazon. This Amazon bugs. Yeah. What can I do for you? We love road road.

We love, guys left a wing in my chimichanga here. Yeah, you know about that. All right, goodbye. See ya, thank you.