The Dick Show - Episode 3 – Dick on Movies

Episode Date: June 21, 2016

Download Episode Get out your tea set and your white gloves and get ready for some Hot Goss. I start the episode with a moment of silence for the deletion of the Biggest Problem in the Universe website. A deletion that sent a great disturbance through the force–not the force of goodness and light, but … Continue reading "Episode 3 – Dick on Movies" The post Episode 3 – Dick on Movies appeared first on The Dick Show.

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Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! You've got Dick in your ear. The only podcast where everything is a contest I am your host, Dick Masterson. With me is always a shun. What's up, Dick? Hey, what's up, buddy? Today, very special guest, auditioning to be my co-host. Mark, David, Christianson. Hi. Hi.

Hello. Say hello to everybody. Hello, everybody. You are now auditioning for on the Dick show. Yep. I want to be your co-host. Then I have what it takes. The name of an author could be an author,

could be an assassin. Well, yeah, David Christianson. I get that joke, Mark David Chapman. Yeah, I don't, so quickly associated with the man who killed Lenin. I mean, if my career is Lenin, then I've killed, because you killed your career. At least I'm, yeah, I'm trying to revive it. Okay, look my career is lending, then I've killed, because you killed your career. At least I'm trying to revive it.

Okay, look, this is very, get a start. This is not the way to do it. Now, we take this very seriously on the show. You're on here to audition to be a co-host. Now, the co-host gig comes with, man, thousands of people who want to hear what problems you have with, excuse me, what issues you have with the world. I don't want to step on any intellectual property toys. They want to hear what makes you a rage.

Every week, it's a prestigious role of being a co-host. Okay, you are an actor, you are an improviser, and you are yourself the host of a podcast called I will watch anything once Tell us about that. I will watch anything once is a podcast about the movies that I have not seen or I avoided So I have guests on they choose a movie I haven't seen that they think I should see we watch it and then I talk about my first experience watching that movie Sometimes it goes good sometimes. I'm like my first experience watching that movie. Sometimes it goes, good, sometimes I'm like, you like a terrible fucking movie. What's a terrible movie that you've had to watch?

Hackers is right off the top. Like my friend James had me watch that, and I hated it. And you guys, you get together after the movie and you rip. We watch it together. Okay. We watch it together. We just discussed the movie, and that one was very much, like just the movie I would never want to watch again.

And then also, recently this one isn't published, but it's coming soon where Johnny Schwartz Mine was on. He chose the movie Necessary Roughness. That's a great movie. No one's seen Necessary Roughness. No, it's not a good movie. Go back and watch the movie. MDC.

It's not. You are dead wrong. You're fucking great movie. No. Kathy Ireland kicked somebody in there. Balls.. You are dead wrong. As a fucking grey movie. No, Kathy Ireland kicked somebody in their balls. It's so fucking stupid. Meet footballs after they had said welcome to football. She's like welcome to football. That's empowering as it gets for women.

That's a strong female character coming right out of the gate. Man, what are you talking about? Are you some kind of a misogynist? No, you're not a misogynist. I appreciate a strong female character. We're put her in a good fucking movie. Don't waste it on some stupid sports movie, which all it was intentionally trying to do

was be a major league, which is a great movie. It is a subpar version of a football of Major League. And the best thing that we said. It's so well executed, you can't even tell that it's a Major League rip off. That's my opinion. That's bullshit. I told Johnny after that movie, which I said, if I hadn't watched this just with you, and I had to watch it on my own, this would have been a complete waste of fucking dying. How dare you. I saw that movie in the theaters when I was a kid, man.

That, the scene when Scott Bacula, Scott Bacula, right? He's fading back to throw that final pass and that Jersey cuts that 88-old Jersey that used to throw his aggression out of being a failure. It's one of the worst edits. It's one of the worst edits. No. Yes, it is. It's like, man, I get that in my head to amp myself up.

Like when I'm at my darkest moment and I need to reach down like for this show and get it, get it going, get it up online. I see that clip in my head just boom at that dummy, boom, boom, like a laser beam. You're dead wrong. You're dead. I know I'm not. So you're, you're an expert on movies then. Oh, I have a total expert on movies. Okay, good. So I've got as part of this interview, I'm going to So you're, you're an expert on movies then. Oh, I am a total expert on movies. Okay, good. So I've got as part of this interview, I'm gonna ask you some questions, like a job interview,

about your field of expertise. You understand. Yeah. And then the fans are gonna vote whether or not you're a rage. Okay. That's what we're doing. Right, right. Get me raged up.

Speaking of, last week, guest, special co-host, potential co-host, Mr. Velvet, Larry Blagner, is in fact a rage. So he's in the running. Oh, he's in the running. So you're competing against a man whose voice sounds like Audible Scotch. Audible Scotch.

This guy sounds like a sexy version of the guy who reads movie promos. The closest thing I'm gonna ever get to is like Audible LaCroix. And what is that? That soda water that's like, or that sparkling water that's... Pelegrino. No, I see it. Pelegrino is the cheap version.

It's a candy store in Canada. So you're the cheap Pelegrino. You're the Honest of Pelegrino. I'll give you that. Thanks. Here's what people are saying about Larry. I'll give you that. Thanks. Here's what people are saying about Larry. I want Larry to read me a bedtime story.

Scott Dempster. Somebody wanted Larry to read an erotic story from real men. Yeah, but knowing Larry, that creeps me out. Why? Because I can just picture him reading it. It does it creep you out the picture or the voice? I think both. You want to wait for that car alarm to pass? Well, no, Why break with tradition? No, no, no, no. Edit all this

shit out. Edit all that car alarm and honking shit out this time. People didn't like it. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Edit all this shit out. Edit all that car alarm and honking shit out this time. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Edit all that shit out. Edit all that car alarm and honking shit out this time. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It's hard. You know why the dogs crack me up? Why? Because you do pretty much whatever you want, whenever you want to do it. And that dog made you wait. I love that. That's true. Yeah. The dog fucked you. That's true. He outdicked dick.

You're right. Dogs outdicks. Also, Shane Torres says Larry had father of daughters rage. So this guy's, he's got two teenage daughters, which seems like a fucking nightmare. Justin Carroll says if Dick is dick, if Dick is Voldemort, does that make his followers the dick eaters? Oh, that's good. Pretty funny, right?

Yeah. Oh, here's another one. Here's another piece of info I learned throughout the week. First while on Dick, that member and Larry said that he could feel the moment he impregnated his wife. He says that it was like a hell. He says what he says. But a hell going to have force. That makes no fucking sense though. But go on.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, why? Because it contravenes all physical laws. Because you come in a woman. Yeah, you come in a woman. Oh, please. Or a man. Or a man. in a woman. Yeah, you come in a woman. Oh, please. Or a man. Or a man. Or a man.

But the process of impregnation occurs through your sperm. It's an actual very small chemical occurrence, right? And it doesn't happen right away, right? It doesn't. It doesn't. You're not like, your dick is not in your woman when that egg, when that sperm is hitting the egg. Speak for yourself.

I feel like he's fucking, he watched too much of like, look who's talking, the beginning of that, how'd I show this sperm? And he's like, yeah, that's what happens every time we decided to have a kid. He had a feeling. I, I, he said he felt it both times. I know, I know.

I think he's full of shit. And my brother and Lalaw said the same thing. Really? Yeah, which made me go, so what is this like a thing that men have? But those aren't your brother-in-law's kids. What do they describe it as? Oh, how do they describe it as?

What was the description he gave that feeling? He said he felt like he created a life. You haven't yet. Fuck off. You're lying. So you're anti-abortion then. All right. speaking of things that shall not be talked about,

I got two emails about Islam last week. I came in hot after, well, two that I wanna read. And actually, you know what? Two like thought-provoking emails. From perspectives that I really wanted to get a hold of through this show. When I, by the way, when I say Islam,

how tight does your asshole get? That's like, that's a topic when they hear it people usually pucker up pretty tightly. Like a scale of one to 10? Yeah. I'm like a five-titentist. I don't care, you can talk about it. What makes you a 10?

What makes me a 10? Yeah, you're a balsy guy then. Going around in comedy and LA, Islam only gives you a half-pucker? Yeah, fuck off. Like, I don't care. What, you, 10? Yeah, you're a balsy guy then. Going around in comedy and LA, Islam only gives you a half-pucker. Yeah, fuck off. Like, I don't care. What? Do you mean like, it should bother me? Like, it bothers me at five? What are you asking? I say it as a topic and people get nervous. Really? Who were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't talk about that.

Right. I can't. We talk about it. Fuck that. You should be able to talk about anything. Hey, that was my point. Like, I don't like that anything is off the table. At that point, I think you're being too sensitive and then there's no, no, gotta be able to talk about it. That's what we have against ideologies. Oh, we got is our criticism. Yeah, everything has to be under a microscope at some point.

There was a church lady on SNL. Where is the, I wanna see the... Is the bomb? Yeah, you should. Who's like was a church lady on SNL. Where is the, I wanna see the, the mom. Yeah, you should. Who's like, he comes out on SNL and he's doing his thing and saying that he's like, no, no, I would never get violent. I would never get violent. And then someone in the background in SNL style

brings out like, oh, look at this Kuran. I look at this picture of Mohamed over here that I don't want anything to happen to that, right? And they know that he's gonna, yeah, then they trip. That mean, I want to see did they do that and the church lady was there I can't remember all the bits on the church lady, but did they make fun of Jesus in the church lady? Yeah, cuz she was like very judgmental and condescending and like smile about her face But I think you could totally do that. I do think you just means they need to have a Muslim that is Lamaq or a Muslim I might be putting those all into the same category.

So I apologize to anybody, but who the fuck? I'm ignorant. But that's the kind of cast member you need on fucking S&L. Oh yeah. You need to like, we need to start every casting. You need to start casting more like Sesame Street, in my opinion. With like all the different colors.

Yes, you need to just look at their cast and be like who gives a shit just, yeah, and somebody always needs to be a good at a garbage can. Yeah, okay. Here's the emails. I think these are really great. So I want to read them, I hope you guys do. Great, go for it.

This one's from Daniel, hey Dick, hope you're well. I couldn't agree more with your views on Islam. Only you have absolutely no idea how damaging the religion's influence on the daily lives of its followers because beyond the terrorism issue, excuse me, I live in Malaysia, a country which is supposedly founded on Islamic principles. However, up until a few years ago, I identified as a Muslim, being raised in a Muslim family. But little by little, I saw through the Sharad that these supposed custodians that they religion are doing. Again, I'm sorry for some of the pronunciation. This is guys obviously from Malaysia. It's great, great,

great. I can't write in Malaysian at all. Whatever it is. But so this is great. It's called Malay. Is it really? Yeah. Stump the shan. Somebody try to stump the shan. All I see is that Islam is being used by the government or the people who walk in the corridor of power to justify corruption and hatred toward other people. There was one time I was sitting in the mosque listening to a religious sermon, telling the people that they have to be obedient

to the government no matter how corrupt they are. In another sermon, I remember thinking to myself, this is fucking hate speech. I decided against going to the mosque and stopped exposing my children to the dog most shortly afterwards. The worst thing about this is I have absolutely no avenue to get out of it. Despite the Malaysian Constitution specifically had a provision of freedom of religion in practice, it's damn near impossible to leave Islam because of legal repercussions.

Well, that was your point, right? The threat gets worse. The threat of being disowned by your friends and family. It's just too much to deal with. Now it's Ramadan, despite not believing in any of that stuff anymore, I can't be seen eating in public. There are threats of arrest, not to mention being ridiculed

or even ostracized by society. So, yeah, Islamic terrorism sucks, but the moral policing that the Islamic societies to new impose on us are even worse. That said, fuck Donald Trump. Oh, okay. I don't think I didn't read this all the way through. You're still cool in my books, though. He's great until that last bit, though.

But that was probably Friday's brain on Donald Trump. You were drawing a clear delineation between the religion and the political ideology. Yeah, exactly. What's up? Why'd you censor him, man? Why'd I censor his antitrum? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Trump's got enough to deal with right now. This is a neat Daniel from the religion. Is it trustless to you? I think so, yeah. I'm following him on Twitter, isn't that how that works? Here's another one from Anna, this one's great. Hey, Dick, couldn't find any other way to contact you. Here we go.

As a lesbian from New Zealand, who grew up deeply critical of Christian church and their homophobic teachings and influence on policies worldwide, I never met resistance and was often praised for calling them out. Now, when I criticize Islam, she's a lesbian. And as a religion, I'm shut down immediately and call the racist, bigot, every other name in the book.

People are so... That's the problem, though, is that they keep associing the culture with a race, rather than doing the separation of like, there's a culture that is very oppressive. Yeah. And if we're gonna, like, we gotta be like, we have to look at other people, because I grew up with a good friend in middle school. I would use my best friend in middle school, name Assad Qadiyah, he was Muslim.

I never interacted with his family, ever associated with that, any of that stuff. It's because they're totally different. Islam is a fucking, it's repressive. Why would, yeah, totally two things. Two things. Why can't we call that out? That's crazy. You should be able to. Two things. Why can't we call that out?

That's crazy. You should be able to. I've scoured every mosque in Islam society's websites and every message is the same. We're appalled at what happened. Omar Matin does not reflect our religion. This is what Anna Dulesbiansing, not one single person is willing to look inside and say, hey, I wonder if our views have anything to do with this. Anyway, I could vent on and on, but I wanted you to know that your open honest words

were Ray of Sunshine, I desperately needed this week. Thank you for not being afraid and for being wonderfully articulate. Always your fan-annom. It's great. Dick always making less beans happy. Dude, I'm like a lesbian whisperer.

No joke. I have a kinship with them. Great. I don't know what it is. For jealous of your hair. Yeah, I think probably are. All right, I've't know what it is. They're jealous of your hair. Yeah, they probably are. All right, I've got one thing to go over. I've got some beef this week that I want to go over

before we get to your job interview. Okay. Here, okay. And the beef is such, because I've gotten a ton of emails about this. So I'll sum up my side of the story, because I know a lot of you want to know what the hell happened to the website, right?

I was formerly a co-host on a podcast called The Biggest Problem in the Universe, The Signed Felt of Podcast, The Cadillac of Podcast, great, unbelievable podcast, right? Put together a lot of amazing content over two years. It's gone now, but the site vanished. Yeah, thank you for shedding in here. The site vanished and I wanted to address why.

And I don't know, but this is my side of the story. It just went up and disappeared one day? It disappeared. It disappeared recently. And I'm getting a lot of email asking why that is. So this is what happened. This is all I know. This is Dick's beef.

All right, because I don't understand it either. My brother-in-law calls me up last week, and he goes, Hey, what the fuck's wrong with your feed? He's a big Irish guy. He's like an Irish Fred Flintstone with glasses. I didn't hear any of the Irish in there. Okay. Hey, what the fuck's up with your feed? No, he's Irish American, please. So no accent, but all the drinking. He goes, what the fuck's up with your feet? What's this debate shit? I'm like, what do you mean? What debate shit?

The feed goes, look, I loaded up my podcast app on iTunes because I wanted to listen to an old episode of your show, your biggest problem show. And I said, oh, that's cool. And he goes, yeah, I like to drive to it. And he said, they're all gone. All the episodes are gone. So I said, well, your big fat fingers probably clubbed something up in the settings. And then he goes, no, they've been replaced by a new show.

Everything in the feed has been replaced by a new show. I heard about this. And I'm like, what, that's impossible, dude. You fuck, you'd fuck something up, that's impossible. It's been running flawlessly for two years, that's impossible. He goes, don't you fucking big league me? Don't talk down to me like I don't know what I'm doing.

You look it up yourself. I'm like, okay. Only because you yelled at me. I loaded up on my podcast app and sure enough, all the episodes are gone. I'm like, well, what has happened here? So I go to the website and find that it's all still up. All the episodes, all the content, all two years with the content, it's still there. I'm like, well, this something's gone wrong.

I'm thinking something's clearly gone wrong here. So the whole iTunes podcast universe relies on these, on these feeds, this URL that you put in that just lists all your content, right? You submit it, they check it out, they approve it, and then they just pull your stuff from that feed forever, right? So that feed is like the ring of power in Lord of the Rings.

Whoever controls that feed controls all the subscribers and all the content, right? So I go and punch in that URL on my browser, and what do I see? Redirected. Told everything's been removed and redirected to this new show. That's not good.

That's not, like, that's bad. Can't talk right now, it's very late. That's bad. You're gonna have to have part. No, but like, that's unfair. To have two people that have two people decide to split ways, to have only one have the ability to have it go to redirect to theirs rather than in both,

or give people just, why can't they just listen to the old fucking show? Well, that's what I'm thinking. And they make their, let the listeners decide which podcast they want to listen to. No, force them to have to know, like, oh, I used to be a fan of this, but now I'm gonna, like, my feet immediately gets changed.

Well, it's also, it's the only way that some people would listen to the old show. Like, now, my brother-in-law, and then I started getting the emails. Like he was, he's first because he's a super fan. Like he loved the old show. God bless him. He'd listen to it on these long drives, these long commutes, and he'd call me up in the middle of the episode to rant about something. Or he'd keep calling me up. He's like, you fucking idiot. You don't know anything about healthcare

and his Irish accent. Or like the other guy, Maddox doesn't know what the fuck he's like, you fucking idiot, you don't know anything about healthcare and his Irish accent. Or like the other guy, Maddox doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about or something is great. But now he's got no way to listen to it. And that's what these guys are sending me emails about, too. They have no way to listen to it as well. So I'm like, all right, look man, I'll do, I'll see what I can do. So I shoot, I fire off an email to Maddox. Hey man, I got a big problem with this. Here's the feed link. Like thinking, I'm not jumping to conclusions here. Like there's, there's a lot of, you know, it's very difficult to do as a human being

to not immediately assume bad things about other people, especially when you're a bad guy, like me. Like I always assume people are doing the reason that I would be doing it, and it would be bad. Right, like, oh yeah, like a bearer, like a robber, robbing a train. Like if you come at me in a goofy hamburger mask, I think you're committing a crime,

because that's what I would be doing in a goofy hamburger mask, but maybe you just think it looks cool, right? There's a lot of, there's good and bad. So I say, hey, I got a problem with this. How about number one, we just put it back to an archive. We just leave it alone, right? Right.

Or number two, at least make a mashup. Like put the old ones there so people can listen. I understand the value of having all those built-in subscribers. But if people just want to listen to the old stuff, at least give them that. Right? And then maybe throw your new stuff on top, like a band.

Like when the who goes on, Sean is the who's still touring. Yeah, I don't think they'll ever die. Pink Floyd is coming back, right? Oh, I hadn't heard that. Okay. I don't know. I don't know if they're doing one show. I don't know if they're doing one show.

I don't know if they're doing one show. I don't know if they're doing one show. I don't know if they're doing one show. I don't know if they're doing one show. I don't know if they're doing one show. I don't know if they're doing one show. I don't know if they're doing one show. I don't know if they're doing one show. You come out and you play a couple hits and then you throw the new stuff on time. You got a you've got a exactly. Yeah. So just eliminate. Paul McCartney doesn't come out and go like I never did the wings. And I never did the Beatles. I know who I am. That was not the first band I was going to mention.

Beatles, who are they? Yeah. So I get no response to that. Next, next day, sight, all the content, everything on it, all the episodes. After reaching out, sight blanked, new host, everything gone. And this is, I mean, thank God. So I've hosted the site for like the last year and a half because before that, it would go down constantly.

And I have the ability, I can keep a side up. It's been on my servers. You throw a word, press side up. It's easy to do. It's easy to do if you know how to do it, right? So thank God I had it because this, somebody emails me and say, hey, the site's gone and I now I have no way of getting this stuff. So I said, all right, man, I do a little,

I point a new domain over biggest.thedictshow.com because that's what I got on hand. That's where I'm running the show out of thedictshow.com. I pointed over there and say, here you go, buddy. Like, if you needed anything, if you wanna listen to it, grab it. Because it's just, I hate the idea that, there was such great content on the show.

I hate the idea that people can access it when they wanted. I hate the idea that people can't access it when they want it. You spend so much time as a creator trying to convince people to listen to you and like trying to convince them that your stuff is good, that when they come to you asking for it and it's not there, it's like this horrible feeling of loss. That you want to compensate for, it was at least like a doofy this guy, and he goes, you should post this on the Reddit or something, it's like, dude, I don't want to get, I don't know what happened.

I don't know why this is happening. I don't want to get involved in it, but here, this is like, just take it for you. Then I go on the Reddit, and I see people like, may like the transcribers, the people who created the glossary, people who put so much time into these comment threads where people would argue about pissed driblets or infantilism, like big topics that are facing us.

And as we were trying to find the biggest problem in the universe, these people putting heart, they're heart and soul in these arguments with their real name, artists who would draw, they drew the first time that we masturbated. Like, they drew a picture of me masturbating while getting my ass kicked by two of the American gladiators. Because that was the first, that was my first like time knowing what a rousal was and then initiating some, some, some fun time. When you saw Malibu, that was it, huh?

Sean, and all of your great singers, also were uploaded, like the time that you deleted the episode, the whole story of the episode, the deletion was put right back online for the viewing. Anyway, I put it back up because so many people wanted to see it. You should have it out there.

I think so. It's like anything, especially in this day and age, things don't go away really anymore. They become available either like as soon as a show, for example, a TV show ends, it doesn't just go away, people have box sets, they have DVDs, blue rays, or it's reruns, or like streaming online. So things need to still be accessible for those fans. I think so too.

It's a great resource for knowing how to run a podcast. Like you look at the format and you look at how it developed and you see the content and the voting, like everything. The voting list, man, of all those problems lined up was so interesting. It's just, I didn't want it to go away. So that's what I did.

Somebody said, somebody sent me a link to wrap up this, this, this, Dictale that's going nowhere. Somebody sent me a link saying, up this, this, this, Dictale that's going nowhere. Somebody sent me a link saying, this is why Max deleted it. It was a tweet. So I clicked on the tweet saying, well, I mean, this, what could it be?

I run, I pay for the server. It's all in the, it's all, it's updated. It's pretty, like, what could this possibly be? So I click on the tweet link, blocked. You were blocked? I was blocked. When the tweet is tweeted, did you finally get to see the tweet though from somebody else?

No, I, that was it. That was the last. Tell me, I don't have it on hand. I can send it to you. I'm sure somebody would post it, but. Oh come on. I was like, well, can't I just go to his Twitter and find it? I don't know which tweet it was though.

Oh god, damn it. No. Oh, she had that on hand. So there you go. For anybody wondering what happened to the side if you're listening to the show, there it is. Oh, she had that on hand. So there you go. For anybody wondering what happened to the side if you're listening to the show, there it is. Dave, Dave. Yes.

Mark David Christiansen, MDC, would you like to get to your interview? Yeah, but can we quickly have a moment of silence for Anton Yelchin? That was my moment of silence. My version of a moment of silence is shouting for 20 minutes. Ha ha ha ha.

Who's that? He's Anton Yeltsin. He's the actor that died like 27 last night. What was he on? He was in star cheese in the new Star Trek. He's the guy that plays the Russian character. Oh, that's too bad. Yeah, it's a tragedy.

One of my favorite movies of this year, the Green Room. I don't know if it's confirmed confirmed but I read on TMZ this morning that like his friends found him pinned between his car his own car and a cement mailbox they that's how they found him the car was running oh shit no I don't know if that's true but that's all I know it's probably good they're calling it a freak car accident is what they're calling it a freak car accident. It's what they're calling it. Ghost proof.

It definitely goes. If that's the thing, you see a ghost stand, that guy drives a car. But yeah, but now we can get to the interview. Yes, let's get to some serious business, please. Mark David Christensen, you are a movie expert. You say you will watch anything once. I will watch anything once. What will you will watch anything once. I will watch anything once.

What will you not watch? Ooh. So I'll watch anything once if I, if I, with somebody else. Oh, these, by the way, these all have correct answers. Oh, do they? This is just like a real interview. Every job interview has a correct answer. Well, for me, the one thing I will not watch, for you, there's also a correct answer

still. And it's my correct answer. Go ahead. The hardest interview in the world. They're all the wrong guys. Every interview is like, Well, you're fucking making me got a fucking rage right now. It's God damn it.

Scary movies. Fuck scary movies. Really? Yes, scary movies fucking suck and here's why. There's two reasons. One, I'm someone that watches a movie that I love to give over to it. Fucking some movies are just too fucking scary.

Fuck you all. I do not enjoy being scared. So many people are like, so fun to be fucking scared. No, it's not. And they have like that fucking thing, like the dark room that became popular, where it's like, we're gonna fucking put like, shit over your face.

Oh, those extreme, those extreme things where they just like spit on his hands. Yeah, so like fuck that. I think you'll eat just spit on his hands. Yeah, so fuck that. I think you'll eat bugs and stuff. Being scared is not fun. I do not find any joy in it. It's the opposite of fun. Yeah, it's...

We've been trying to not be scared for hundreds of thousands of years. Yeah, I go to bed hoping I'm not going to be scared that night. Well, I don't want to sit through two hours of being fucking scared. I go to bed trying not to be scared of real life. Yeah, I was planning to be scared about regularly. Do people not check your bank accounts? Like, do you not watch how realistic? His mark is MTC is just sputum and water

all over the floor of my studio. What fucking angry? Yeah, why? It's scary, because I think that's true. I am so full of fucking anxiety about what is gonna come around the corner, whether it be a real person, or like you said, my checks are gonna fucking bounce when I send them in for red. Or the Chinese are gonna come in with all their bonds and cash in and drive Los Angeles

real estate up even more. Oh hell yeah, I need that. I mean, fuck. So I don't wanna sit through a movie that's like trying to make, present that to me is like, it is a thrill. It's a thrill ride to get fucked. Oh, it's not a thrill ride. It's terrifying and then, and if it's good,

the worst, the worst thing, because I don't wanna scare you movies either, I fucking hate them. Yeah, there it is. But, chicks will get me to watch them. My, that's funny, because I can't do the chick thing. Like a chick, a chick can't get me to, no way, you're not will get me to watch them. My, that's funny, because I can't do the chick thing. Like a chick, a chick can't get me to, no way, you're not gonna get me to watch me.

I've flat out told girls, I'm gonna do scary. I'm not fucking watching that. Yeah, I do that too, but then they wear me down. They always do, it's a loss of man points, but they always do, because then I, then I know they're testing me. They're testing my resolve. So I try to sit there like a stone face,

like, it's not scared. They want to be scared with you and get horny together. I don't understand how. It's like a death experience sex. It is good. I'm not denying there's probably good sex after that. I just don't understand the association between fear and a hornyness, because I don't, I never get horny

after getting fucking scared. I never. No, I don't understand that. Well, I don't, I never get horny after getting fucking scared. I never, no, I don't understand that. Well, I don't know the list I'm just, the celebration of life, I think. I think it's more about women getting horny after they're scared, not necessarily about a bunch of men getting scared and getting a bunch of hard-ons together.

I think it's about getting women excited. Seems manipulative. It is on their behalf. I think it's about getting women excited. It seems manipulative. It is on their behalf. Okay, that's true. You got that one right. All right, boy. I mean, you know what I hate about scary movies? What?

Is that they're never any good. They're not good. That's what I don't like is that you do have moments where you make me feel uncomfortable scared, which I don't like. Like jumping, like a guy, like you're turning on and off the lights. Like, well, yeah, that's scary. It's fucking scary. Stop it. But they're never good because the

logic always at some point doesn't make fucking sense. Yeah. Or some sort of rule in their world is just thrown out because like we need to make a scary moment, but it's like, fuck this. Like, there's a movie called The Devils. Uh, The Devil's Dill though. I wish it was that. But anyways, it was just some movie where a baby devil. It's about a bunch of devils. The devils, they'll know. I wish it was that. But anyways, it was just some movie where a baby. The devils, it's about a bunch of devils getting scared by a super devil. A super devil. Now there's one word there, there's like a babysitter

and she comes over and they have this whole elaborate plan that people like here just don't go upstairs. That's, you're gonna actually babysitter a grandma but just don't go up there. You just have to, if you hear anything, just let us know. We're gonna go out to the out. Then they had a plant that like have a pizza man,

deliver pizza, which is a fake pizza man, so they could poison her and knock her out, and then eventually like use her to like, as a sacrifice to bring the devil about. And it's just so much. It's just too much. The tone of it is scary, but in the end of all,

that's too elaborate. You can't count on another human being to making every single decision you laid out on paper. Yeah, I also noticed in these movies, I noticed a couple things that, number one, there's not a lot of men in them. Ever. It's all women and kids.

And as soon as I was, I watched the conjuring too, because this girl made me go see, let's feel a little treat for her. Let's get her horned up. All right, let's see the conjuring too. We know where you're at. I'm relationships to me are about loading up your mana, right? Like, they're about hoarding goodwill.

Okay. So something like that, like going to see the conjuring too, I'm like, yeah, okay. This is, I think this is, I can sit through this and it's going to pay off later in the long run, right? Yeah. So I go to it, it's all, it's all like a single mother in a bunch of kids. And the second of the man showed up, all of my anxiety went right out the window.

I was like, oh, thank God. All right, this guy's gonna start kicking down doors, he's gonna start saying, well, you guys just gotta get out of here. First of all, he's probably gonna have a gun. Gun, that's more anxiety for me. That doesn't mean we're saved, you have a fucking gun. Guns make you more anxious.

Oh, hell yeah. Okay, so if you were to walk in, if you pulled out a gun right now, I'd be so uncomfortable. Oh boy. Oh, right back. Yeah. And my dad owed guns.

I'm probably a gun from where I'm sitting. I'm fine if they're here. It's just if you had it out. Yeah, okay. I dated a girl who was like that. She told me she wouldn't come back to my apartment if there was guns in it. And she's like, do you ever guns in it?

Yeah, I'm like, I don't know. I'm not willing to go the scary movie route at this point with you for women. I'm willing to watch something like Survivor. I could for a woman before I watch. Should a reality show? I'm 100% down for reality show before I'm gonna watch a scary movie.

I'm watching the bachelor right now, buddy. I'm gonna do anything, I'm not gonna care. I'll do anything. Because what, like, I, I, I, I, what are we gonna do? The man not doing something, I'm not doing anything. Because what, like, I, I, I, I, what are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose?

What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose?

What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose?

What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? What are we gonna lose? is you going back to a bar and spending God knows how much money talking to complete assholes to find the same thing, to find the same situation you're right now. For fuck's sake, just lighten up. All of it, all of it.

Okay, what's the worst part about a movie? Worst part about a movie? Movies, what's the worst part about movies? In a movie, like in general. In general. Also, correct answer. I know. You know what to rub it in.

I know the stakes. I know what's on the line right now. Mm-hmm. I think the worst part of about movies, the currently the biggest trend that I hate, is villains that don't fucking know what they have no plan. Okay.

All the heroes in these big fucking blockbuster movies, constantly are like the heroes always have a plan. Like let's figure it out. Let's work together and figure it out. Then it goes to the bad guy and the fucking villains just like, eh, you know what we should do? Throw everything at him. Fucking throw everything at him.

Destroy everything. It's like, eh, you know what we should do? Throw everything at him. No everybody. Fucking throw everything at him. Destroy everything. Yeah. And it's like, fuck you. Villains need to be smart. If anything, the villain's gonna take more time figuring out how he's gonna fucking slaughter everybody. Yeah, like Hans Gruber.

Yeah. I was a smart guy. Yeah, very smart guy. That's why he's scary. Yeah. Right, okay, I'll tell you, the correct answer is the clapping at the end. You don't like the, I agree.

So fucking stupid. And I get it, like I get that everybody is sharing a human experience so they want a clap, but I just don't buy it. It's weird every time to me. It's weird every time. I'm not, like I feel like I'm repeating, I'll be a shit, but they can't hear you.

This is not a real thing. Right. There's no actors. You're clapping. If you're clapping for anything, anybody, it should be the janitorial crew that's coming into clean your popcorn off of the ground. Clapping at movies, clapping at plane flights. Like, what is the deal there? I think clapping at plane flights only time is like, if it feels like a dangerous flight, right?

Then they're like, yeah, you gotta stay on here. But that's their fucking job. If anything, then you're right. We should be clapping more If we're gonna set those standards, we're gonna clap more. You should clap fucking more because There's so much, yeah, you should clap for a cop pull you over. You should clap, good job. Well, you did your job I don't think they're gonna take that as- You caught me. You caught me. Yeah, but that's how it should be. Because you should be clapping for every little tiny success. Chefs? When, why aren't we clapping every time our...

Yeah, for chefs when you finish your... Every meal. Every fucking meal somebody makes for you should clap at the end. You come home and your babysitter didn't molest your kids. You should clap for shit at it. All right. What is the best movie to hook up to? To make out to, you get a pretty lady back at your apartment,

or maybe not so pretty. Maybe she's a bit of a dumper. You still want to put something on to make the moves on her. What's the best movie to put on? The Food Network. No, no, there you will never pull her away from the Food Network. No, it's a bit of a dump pull her away from the food network. No, fall.

I have to go real quick. No, that's the point. It's a mix. It's got to be something that you can take. I got to go real quick on a small tangent back to scary movies. Okay. Another thing I don't like about scary movies is they go through that big thing with kids being like the evil representation of what's evil in the movie.

And I'm on the side of, if that's a ghoulish kid, then just fucking hit it. Oh yeah, don't treat it, stop. I would not treat if a fucking ghoule or a half dead fucking little girl walked in this room right now and came at us. I am not treating it like, oh, that's my niece. That's my fucking 10 year old niece. Or like, that's a little kid, we gotta be like,

we need to watch our language and be nice to it. Cause it's still learning. I'm gonna fucking punch it and kick and fight and do other things down. Ace Ventura, quick decision, right out the window. Oh yeah, done. But that, that's just, I just wanna point out, that's another dumb thing about.

That's why it's not. That's why it's not. That's why it's not. That's why it's not. It's so's so popular because you can imagine like the world because you can imagine beating up old women and little children. You have an excuse. You're guilt-free about it. Yeah.

Tired of the guilt that's in those movies. What's the best movie to make out to? To hook up with. What's your best win-nd movie? I have a cut. I'm gonna give you a two-part answer for this. Good. One, I think.

I can't, I fucking hate making out. I don't like the idea of making out touring movies. I don't. Why? Because. What are you talking about? It has to be the only movie that you can make out to for me is that you have to have seen it before.

It has to just be a repeat to me, of a repeat movie. Because I had a situation where I was dating a girl and I lived in Utah and I got Tutsi from the library. You lived in Utah? Yeah, I'm pretty good. That's good points for the possible co-host spot. I lived in Utah. I lived in Utah.

Then I got Tutsi from the library. Real excited to watch it. I've always called the best movie of all time. Yeah, the best one of the best comedies as well. Sure. I was like, I want to watch Tootsie. And of course, in the middle of Tootsie, which I've never fucking seen,

excited to watch it, doesn't Hoffman, see what Bill Murray is big like breakout role for film. Yeah. And she, what does she want to do? She wants to fucking fool around. Yeah. So to this day, I have yet to see Tutsi from start to finish. Because this because-

Because the deviling woman. Yes. Made out of here. But I just, I get it. As soon as I get turned on, I'm going to be on board. But now I'm going to have that little like, no. You have to have watched it before. So any movie you've watched before.

Any movie you've watched before is the best case of fucking. Yeah. But outside of that, if I haven't seen the movie and you want to make out, go away. The correct answer was the Shawshank Redemption. No, the why? Sorry to tell you. Why the fucking Shawshank Redemption? No, it's just like magic. There's something about, there's something about the threat of prison and assault on men that really gets women heated up. Do you think also it's also very boring in parts? Oh, so you were filling the space. Yes.

So you're saying yes to be a movie that you have to fill in. It's front loaded. It's front loaded with intrigue and drama and then the tea der's off. Tea der's off for a while. Then it ends. That's who you make your move. You gotta be moving. You gotta have some significant gains made

before the sisters take Andy Duprein into the basement. Okay. If you don't pass that point, you're S-O-L. So here's the thing. Since I've seen that movie, I'm totally on board. Try it. Let me know how it goes for you. That happened, I was watching,

guys watching Happy Gilmore recently, getting the blowjob of my life. Oh, what a weird fucking movie watching a blowjob. That's what I thought too. And he's doing the subway commercial. That sentence has never been said before. No, and it was very difficult for me

to get through, like, to not pay attention to the movie and the jokes and also pay attention because it's a very like in your face, slap sticky movie and I love it, I can quote it. Did you turn off the TV or is you battle? No, because I didn't want to interrupt, like I didn't want to see the point that I was like not a man enough to be able to tune out

this movie. Yeah, I know it's more important right here. Yeah, I would be insulting to her in some way if I muted the movie. It would? Right? It kind of wouldn't have the blowjob couldn't overpower the comedy.

Yeah, you're right. I think you're right, because I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How do you do it? She should be able to, like, what she's doing for you should be more important that you can zone anything out.

Yeah. You should be able to get, you should be able to get somebody, you should be able to go through a bank robbery getting that blow job. That's how great. I think that's what they want. So that's what I gave her. I'm like, ah, you know what?

I can buckle down and I can block out these jokes. I'm like, oh, you know, they're gonna free some way for life. Ah! All right. What makes you, here's the big $64,000 question. What makes you, here's the big $64,000 question. What makes you a rage? I hate big birthday weeks. Big birthday weeks.

Fucking, like people that are, I just hate extravagant and doldent birthday weeks. No, birthday weeks is about, is the ultimate extravagant is it gets? That deserves a round of applause. Yeah. We don't have stupid sound effects on the show, but we should, you should. If I was the, if I was the host,

I'd bring in so many sound effects. Wait a minute, you're from Utah. You got gimphy sound effects? Well, yes, you got cooking over there. Do you hate Apple? Do I hate Apple? No, I do not hate Apple. Sorry.

That's it. You're using a fucking Apple, fuck you. You have, I love Apple. I love Apple. Multiple Apple products. Yeah, because I love not hate Apple. Get that, sorry. That's it. You're using a fucking Apple. Fuck you, you have, I love Apple. I love Apple. Multiple Apple products. I, yeah, because I love them, but my, my former co-host did not. Oh.

Yeah, okay, so, birthday weeks, we're talking about this, we're talking about a thing where people block out their entire week and treat their birthday as though it's a national holiday. Yeah, and it's like, I, and there's almost like a part of me that is like, if it would be fine if you were doing that privately with yourself. Yeah. Like if that's your own like it's like, and there's almost like a part of me that is like, if it would be fine if you were doing that privately with yourself. Like if that's your own like thing of like,

I treated myself like this week by birthday week, I'm having a fanat. I'm having sure somebody throwing themselves surprise parties. Well like in a sense like, if they're gonna, like if it's your week your birthday week and you're like, you know what, I'd like a massage. I'm gonna go schedule one the week

of my birthday and go on with it. I'm gonna kick town, I'll create a new- You don't need a black experience. You don't need a fucking tell, anybody. No. When it becomes like multiple events that people need you a fucking attend, like you need to know that I'm going a fucking here,

we're gonna fucking travel across the country for my fucking birthday. Then fuck you. You are not, no. Unless, I don't even think anybody, like, I don't think, oh, the president of the fucking country would do that. He's like, yeah, I get out of the president, but there's far more for things more important than my fucking birthday. I would hate it when people let it start affecting other plans. Like, they can't change because,

like, well, I had planned to go out that we're scheduling an event a meeting I get together on Friday night. What do you think? Can you join it like wow? Can you join us and they're like well? I've seen men do this. Well, I've got my I was planning to go out for my birthday that oh that's your birthday that night Sure birthday. Yeah. Oh no my birthday's guys my birthday's on Monday. No, then you need to do this. Celebrate it on Monday then. Yeah, I'm a big proponent to celebrating on your day. I hate the celebration outside of it. Because to me, it's a scam.

It is a scam and it's stepping on that of the other person's birthday. It's a scam and also like, wow, we were fucking bored and we've made it this far. There's nothing that great about it. There's other things, you should be working harder so that you reach a goal in your life. And then you get to celebrate that.

Like you should, and the thing that comes around every fucking year that you, oh, you made it through, then fuck you. You should take that week and go spend it with kids who are about to have only a week left. They didn't make it to the first year point. Is that how you celebrate your birthday? No. I usually, typically, for my birthday,

other than this last year, I did try to do an event day. Okay. But I'm gonna tell you this, there's a caveat. If you're gonna do an event day, you have to be on an event day. Like a big day, like a birthday caveat. If you're gonna do an event day, you have to be. What's an event day? Like a big day, like a birthday day, like a big... Like a bar crawl. Yeah, which I did.

I did a, I did it at Disneyland. Okay, what is it? Disneyland bar crawl. All right. Cause I wanted to get drunk at Disneyland my birthday. I invite a people, but you have to go into that going, I'm doing this for myself. Right.

If people show up, that will make it better, but you should never put pressure like you should be here. Some of my closest friends did not go, but I was open to the fact that they weren't going to. But when you start putting pressure on your birthday, whereas if you don't fucking show up then our friendship is just like an ass trouble. I sound like an asshole.

No, you do. A one does when they start putting before you start working on your birthday. Oh yeah, fuck you. If, you do. A one does when they start putting before he's on a birthday. Oh yeah, fuck you. If I don't show up to your birthday and that ruins what we have, then you're a monster. No.

I'll tell you one of the most satisfying birthdays I ever had. I was drinking at the fish bar in Hawthorne, this great seafood restaurant with my life coach, long time life coach. And Hawthorne, known for great seafood established. No, coach, long time life coach. And Hawthorne known for great seafood astounding. No, it was in Manhattan Beach. It was near Hawthorne.

It's a good, Sean, fuck you. I eat at good restaurants. And we're about three or four martinis into this dinner. We started as lunch and it stretched into dinner. The topic of birthdays came up and he goes, oh, it wins your birthday. And I said, it's today. And he goes, she's as Christ, what's wrong with you? That was like the most satisfying,

that was one of the most satisfying birthdays I ever had. Because it's exactly what I wanted to do today. Like, I don't understand this idea that the only way you can't have a sad birthday is you have to be surrounded by people. I'm like, I don't get that. That shouldn't, if I made it all this far, shouldn't I just celebrate and be like, yeah, look, I can do this.

Yeah. Okay. I don't know. It seems like bullshit to surround you with people to tell you like, just be your yes man. I'm like, oh my God, we love you. Yeah, they wanted you to do it so they can get away with it.

Yeah. They want you to be a prick about your birthday so they can be a prick about their birthday when it comes down to their day. Yeah. But shouldn't we, in the end, we should just be celebrating. It's like the whole fucking Christmas thing. The whole Christmas, we come around.

You probably wore on Christmas. Yeah. But we cover out, and every year going like, man, we treat each other so great on Christmas, we should really treat each other like we do all year round as we do in Christmas. Yeah, stop saying that. They do, you practice this shit.

Stop, you're preaching to you, Prank. Stop, I'm probably not You're preaching it to your practice. I'm probably not the nicest guy in the world, but you should, but I don't, but I'm just saying everybody says like we should treat people more like Christmas and we should do it more year round. Then stop saying it and do that.

That's how you should do in your birthday. Is you shouldn't wait until they're fucking birthday to be like, you're a great man. You really do a lot for me. You should be doing that every moment you can get if it's warranted. Well, that's how I feel about New Year's resolutions. Yeah. Why do you wait?

If it's not important, just fucking do it. I will say that you have spearheaded and started a charity organization getting LA comedians out of off their asses. I didn't. I've taken heavily involved. I'm heavily involved in it, yeah, UCB core. So before anybody's good at my job, do what I do that. I feel like I'm very bad at it.

That's charity, it doesn't matter. All right, you got any dick tips for anybody? Dic tips? You got any dick tips? That was a good dick tip. Just a tip, not a whole life lesson, just a tip, that's a dick tip. Any kind of tip that's helped you,

you think we'll help other people? Just know there's a right answer. There is, there's a right tip. Any kind of tip, it's helped you. You think we'll help other people? Just know there's a right answer. There is. There's a right answer. Yeah. My big dick tip is just have fun. No matter where fucking moment you're in, you look at the shit's getting thrown at you, you gotta fucking have a good time.

Can I have a good time? Like that one. That's your email sig too. Yeah, I try to, I think I have a hard, I have to have it all the time because I have to remind myself to have fun because I can get bogged down real quick. What bogs you down?

This is outside of the interview, that's just a question for me. Oh really? That's just, now the interview's over, you know. But bogs me down, it's just my, like, feeling I'm not working hard enough and then I start complaining. I complain about not getting things that I want and I'll slow down and be like, oh wait, you're just not working hard enough. I hear that.

The people around me definitely are harder workers. I'm the one that goes, I worked pretty hard. I worked like the minimum. Now let me have it. Yeah, and I hate getting looking like they're working hard. They could be, but I will all get really mad at myself for not feeling like I'm not working hard enough. Because I'm like seven years in LA, and I'm like, why the fuck have I not been like a co-star

on a television show? And that's fucking insane. How about post of a podcast? That'd be pretty good. Some of it's out of your control though too. I think you're right. You just have to give yourself as much of a chance as you possibly can. You're a hundred percent right.

I think I could prep the more. I just had an audition recently and I had to take it a three-word course, like a class with one of the casting people. I was like, I have a good rapport with them, and I went and did the audition and felt shitty, and I was walking away. I was like, it's because you didn't fucking run the scene. You know who said that?

You ran it with yourself. Man. You didn't ask a fucking friend to come over and be like, hey, let's run the fucking scene. So you walked in that room, and you're like, I worked hard at this. I wanna walk out of every room thinking, no matter if you say yes or no,

I know I still did a good job. Sam Jackson said the exact same thing. He said when he was in his younger days, he felt like he should be getting roles that he wasn't getting. And then he kind of turned a little introspective and went, maybe I'm not preparing enough. Maybe I shouldn't smoke so much weed.

Maybe I shouldn't, and he started getting roles. Lo and behold. Yeah. I'm with preparing enough. Maybe I shouldn't smoke so much weed. Maybe I shouldn't and he started getting rolls. Lo and behold. Yeah. I'm with you Sam. Hopefully all one day get up there with you. I feel the same way about the show actually. Like there was a tremendous amount of support that came out when the old podcast died. And I threw up a Patreon up. I threw up a website. Like, let's get it going. We did it in a very short amount of time.

And the amount of people who have sent me encouraging emails or told me to go fuck myself over Twitter or whatever has made me dedicate every episode to putting as much fucking work into the prep as possible. Like so much, the old show, I did, the old show, it was similarly, but this one is like a renewed fire that I've got for just bringing content that's not bullshit. Because I feel like a lot of podcasts are just people kind of talking about what they, what

they think about like movies and stupid shit like. Yeah, I bullshit a lot. No, I bullshit a lot. And one day, yeah, you know, you're a target star. You thought you started on time. And here's, you definitely were trying to offend me. It's okay. Here's my, here's time to start it on time. All right, you definitely were trying to offend me. It's okay. Here's my, here's my dick tip.

It's for low talkers, because they make me a rage, soft talkers, people who you can't hear in any situation, I swear to God, it has been my number one problem with everybody I've dated, ever. Followed very closely by believesieves in Magical Shit, but it's still that daily, what? Oh no, the Believes in Magical Shit

is above and beyond anything else, I think. Dude, but have you ever dated someone who you just, like, 10 times a day, you can't hear what they said? No. Who just mumbles and mutters, and your ears must be shot because you're a drummer and an engineer, and you still hasn't happened to you dude I did more ear damage playing guitar than anything else yeah

No, I haven't dated anyone that was a little I don't think I have no slow talker. I mean I know I have my moments where I fucking mumble And that's usually because I'm like not being confident with what I'm saying, but I'm wondering Do you have a thing for them? You just said, because you said you've consistently dated low talkers. Hmm. Maybe I'm a demonstrative bully. Maybe. Gradually, maybe you are causing me to be low talkers.

So they have no confidence in what they're saying, but they still compulsively want to say it, and they mutter it. So hoping I won't hear it. And then I immediately fly into a rage and the cycle of things. Which makes them quieter. That's the stupidest theory I've ever heard of. You're a abusive father in your relationship. Yeah, look, look, here's what I did a little research on low talking.

Here's the decibel levels. 30 decibels is very quiet and whispering. 40 decibels, living living room, a quiet classroom. 50 decibels, a refrigerator working, or a car driving past. So you got that sound in your head, right? 55 decibels, a percolating coffee maker, getting a little louder, right?

You almost went into your cramp, right? That's 60. The audible sound of a human voice. So that's where everybody should be. How many again? 60, 60 decibels, right above a percolating coffee maker, and right below a vacuum cleaner, or several people on the phone.

And it's all the way up to 90, which is a truck close by, or screaming, yelling yelling and shouting. But here's the tip, here's the dick tip at 60 decibels. You've also got an air conditioning unit at 100 feet. So I'm begging all the low talkers and soft talkers out there who drive me insane every week because I have to ask you to repeat yourself

or I end up just saying smiling and saying nodding and just going, well, I hope that wasn't like a real question, you know, like the sign fell that episode or I hope that wasn't important information about somebody because I didn't hear and I hope there's no follow up questions about that because I didn't fucking hear you but I'm just tired of saying what, what, what, because I feel like such an asshole and every time I say it, my rage goes up a little bit, so I know I'm coming across as a bigger asshole at the time. Yeah, because they're assuming that you're not listening,

or they're like, I think that's the thing, is like when I have to say what, or I know either I wasn't listening, which I'll acknowledge. Now I start to acknowledge by just saying, can you please repeat that? Did it to you earlier today? Yeah, so I don't sure. I don't care. No, but that was me not listening to you.

I was distracted. You motherfucker. So I will go, hey, can you please repeat that? Yeah. But the what is usually meaning I didn't hear you? But a lot of people will assume that means you weren't listening. So stand a 100 feet away from an air conditioner.

That's how loud you gotta be. A little bit louder than a percolating coffee pot. Not a vacuum. Not a vacuum cleaner. Very simple. That's my tip, tip. All right. Uh.

Mark David Prishinson. Thank you for coming in. Pleasure. What do you want to plug? I would love to plug my own podcast. I will watch anything once that comes out to the second and fourth of Fridays of every month. Well, very complicated.

Hey, you know what? When you have to watch movies with people, I don't, it's hard to get it in a schedule. So I don't put out two, only put out two a month. Also, you can check out my improv show called Copycat. Once a month at the UCB Franklin. Cool. Where are we a team performs a set? And then we attempt to do the same set again.

Great. Thanks for coming by. Pleasure. I got to get a feeling about you. Pleasure, Dick. Yeah, I think you're a rage. I hope I hope I'm a rage. All right.

All right, everybody, this has been the Dick Show. This is so, I love the creation. I love the creation. Thanks for listening. See you next Tuesday. All right, we got voice mail. Dick, the reason why walking around with the child is hurting your game is because you're what? Fucking 40 years old.

When women see a guy who's not enough to remember the cold war, walking around with a small kid, the assumption is that you remember the cold war or you have a partner and you're otherwise off the market. That's why you're not being approached. Jesus Christ, weren't you supposed to be the not-attistic host? Oh, okay. First of all, Doug, into you. Yeah.

Why are you a single dad? I do remember the Cold War. There's nothing wrong with that. How dare you, ma'am. Thanks, everybody, for watching. Next week I'll try to have two cameras, so you don't just see me.