The Dick Show - Episode 30 – Dick on Ruining Christmas

Episode Date: December 27, 2016

Download the MP3 How I ruined Christmas, Sean sends more letters from the battlefield, how to get away with anything, highschool, Madcucks loses his temper, exotic presents from the far East, what exactly is the problem with church, a nationwide database of viruses, a sure-fire gambling system that the casinos don’t want you to know … Continue reading "Episode 30 – Dick on Ruining Christmas" The post Episode 30 – Dick on Ruining Christmas appeared first on The Dick Show.

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Yeah, there might be other podcasts where Sean is able to fiddle his fingers over the audio gadgets that he has access to. But the Dixho is the only podcast where Sean, he works on many other professional podcasts. Many. You see, that's what you need to know about Sean, the audio engineer. He's a professional audio engineer.

Sometimes you wouldn't know it. Sometimes you wouldn't know it. Sometimes you wouldn't know it because you show up late. All I do. All I do equipment doesn't work sometimes. It's like 90 minutes to get the other. It's so damn early for every other, sometimes you show up early because we're going to record. No, for every other session except podcast.

Except podcast. Yeah. We're going to record two episodes. You show up so early to get the new, the brand new spicy hot new hotness equipment working. Yeah. And it takes you 90 minutes. So we blow through one entire episode window. Sometimes this happens.

Basically. And you get it working. This is this is some behind the scenes stuff, which you know, I don't usually like to talk about behind the scenes stuff, but I'll let you in on this. This is a silly end of the year episode. It's just a made up scenario. This is, I mean, it could happen. This is what could happen if you're a professional audio engineer.

Yeah. Sean troubles up last week when Larry is here and we're going to do a big hot bonus episode with people calling in to get Larry's advice on things because Larry's a grown-ass man and he has better advice than a 36 year old, um, missing throat, uh, who wants to watch the world burn. I, Larry would have better advice than this because he's, he's invested in the world. Yeah. Me, I, I leave the world could stop for all I care,

doesn't matter. I just want to be entertained. That's what I want out of the world. But Larry, he's got an investment in the world. He's got a family in this world. He needs to think about the advice that he gives. You understand? I just want to, I treat the world like a big rock

that has fucked me over so many times and I just want to ring every last laugh out of it. Give me that rock. Out of the rock. I'll ring a laugh out of it. That's what I want. It's tough to ring anything out of a rock, but I'm going to try because I got nothing else.

That's what I want. That's what I want. So I thought Larry could give a nice, I always wanted though. I've always wanted it, Sean. The time you were a kid. Because that's what's important to people. You know, you know, you know, you understand. This is the guy who ran for class president in high school.

Vice president. Vice president, you were president. No, no, I was a good president. That's right. I had to do a bunch of work. Oh, yeah, I just wanted to be on TV. That's right. Exactly.

That was my point. Yeah. Yeah. The only reason is so you could be on TV for the high school. Yeah, because it was like, I mean, you never, I lived high school as though I had already lived life and had access to like a Willie Beam time machine. And I got stuck as an adult back in my teenage body. Like, you know, that Zach Efron, Matt Perry movie, where they switch places and the teenager has to be the adult and like try to pretend to be a businessman.

So they remade vice versa. Yes. With Alan Thick, your father. Ah. You remember that Alan Thick was a, he did vice, the original vice versa, right? Alan Thick and George Burns. That was, the vice versa I knew from a kid was Judge Reinhold in some kid. He looks like you too.

All right. All hands to the man looking at you. So, we're ever having to that guy. Alan Thick died, dude. I've been getting a lot of condolences. I mean, Judge Reinhold, I don't know. I looked at him. I still think I look more like him than any other celebrity.

Judge Reinhold. Alan Thick. No, Alan Thick. Yeah. Yeah. More than Richard Geer. Is that what you do at home at night? You just wonder what handsome, huh? No, it was no, because his face is all over.

And I think about the, I think about the celebrities I've gotten and it's, to me, I looked the most like Alan Thick. Does that work on you? If a chick comes up to you and starts talking, saying like you look like so and so. Well, of course it works. Yeah. Because they're flattering. I did that. I did that on St. Patrick's day to a girl where I was, we were walking by this billboard. And I said, Hey, uh, this girl I was dating.

So you look like January Jones on that billboard. You look at that. Does anyone ever told you that you look like January Jones? She, are you going to make a fat joke? No, she threw the biggest fit I have ever seen a girl throw in her life. In a good way? No, dude. Oh no.

Like, you're an asshole. How could that's an insult? How could you say that to someone that they look like someone else? And I was like, whoa, I was actually just thinking about mad men because season seven is coming and I'm excited about that. So before you, like I was only loosely tying it to you,

I was still thinking about mad men basically. Yeah. She went home, she sent me 50 texts about what a piece of shit I was and that she was gonna kill herself, she was gonna jump out the window of her apartment, this apartment building where I used to live. These were the types of people that lived in that room.

Then, this is the greatest thing I've ever seen a girl do. She sent me a screenshot of her texting her ex-boyfriend telling him to come over and bang her. Oh, that's to get back at me. To get me to respond to her over text. And I could see you caring so much. Oh, by that time it back at me. Yeah. To get me to respond to her over text. And I could see you caring so much. Oh, by that time it was like a farce. Like, are you fuck, this is the, this is, it's ingenious.

Like the, how manipulative you're being, to get me to text you back. Uh, well, it's pretty shank. It's, it's killing a fly with a sledgehammer. Yeah, but it's not, it's not, no, it's not killing a fly with a sledgehammer. It's killing a fly with a Rub jammer, it's killing a fly with a Rube Goldberg machine. Oh. Are you fucking kidding me?

You roped in, you tricked the guy into thinking that he's fucking you just to make a screenshot, to send to me, because your piss that I said you look like January Jones, are you fucking kidding me? I don't understand how January Jones is such an insult. Like the most beautiful woman on television? Well, they totally, she's the one who like, they're like, yeah, she's really, really hot,

but not everybody likes them quite that thick. January Jones? Am I thinking of someone else? I think you're thinking of Bridget Jones. So, look, yeah. No, I want to. Here's what she was saying about being funny. If you're, if you make people laugh, you can get away with anything. You can get away with a lot. You can get away with a lot. If you're, if you're, you can even be a bitter fuck. But if you do it in, it's like the Frank's

Zappa thing. Like if you totally cynical, totally jaded, also totally right. Yeah. But if you do it in, it's like the Frank Zappa thing. Like if you did, totally cynical, totally jaded, also totally right. But if you do it with humor, you're not this just jaded old prick. Well, because that's what I try to do. People can't get it. You try to do it, what, being a jaded old prick? No, you just try to do it funny. Yeah, otherwise you're just a complete bummer to be around. People can't get it anywhere.

It's like if you're wearing a suit, you can get away with a lot, but if you can crack a smile in somebody, like if you can make somebody laugh, you can do whatever you want. Yeah. That's honestly, I think Maddox did not get that about me. Like as much as big of a fit as he always threw about why anyone ever wanted to listen to me on the show. And why I wasn't just like a sidekick and a joke. Well, you're in. And he never got that.

That if you just, if you just make people laugh, they will let, they will let a lot of other shit slide. Oh, it's Christina Hendrix. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. She is a, a tubby. I fucked that up.

Yeah. Chris is in hand. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah, but you're infuriatingly charming. I fucked that out. Yeah, Christian. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're infuriatingly charming. That's the thing. Please, please, please. No, that's, I think that's why they're like, God, he's out of his fucking mind, but fuck, he's funny on the screen.

He's trying to make you laugh. God. I'm just trying to make you laugh. I forget what, what, why do we start talking about this? Where we, oh my God. Oh my God. So the school announcements, speaking of the school announcements,

somebody in Reddit uncovered me on the school announcement. I ran for student class vice president, just to be on television. Yes. Because as I was saying, I'm basically just to say one line, just to make jokes, just to figure out how to get kicked off.

You're getting ahead of the story. Sorry. I'm just, I'm that old man. I'm an old man stuck in a teenage boy's body. And I'm like, I know what I'm gonna regret not having done. And that is being on television, making penis jokes, like seeing what I can get away with. Because all these, we're all stuck here. I might as well get on TV and try to get some laughs out of people while we're out here.

Right. And trying to bang as many hot girls, teenage girls as possible. That's it. Then have a good time. None of this other shit matters. So I did find out what the line is. Your right, I did get kicked off the announcements.

That was the first thing I got kicked off of. Kicked out of. That was my first 86. Yeah. I got 86 from my high school TV announcements for making a penis joke on the air. I'll tell that story some other time, but somebody in the Reddit found, that'll go over well. Found a clip what the TV.

Oh yeah, yeah, never mind that. I'll tell that some other time because it's not what I want to talk about. Somebody in the Reddit found a clip reel of me in high school doing the announcements. Really? Like, when this show first started taking off all these old, like, ancient things, things that were recorded in media, on media formats that do not have access to the internet. Like you always want some things to not be on the cloud. Like if you ever take a weird picture or anything that you were doing when you were a kid

or a teenager for God's sake, if you ever had a wave in your life, if you ever were really into saved by the bell and you thought that having a wave would be a cool look for you, that picture is not something that you ever want touching the internet. Wait, is that wave? That's a hairstyle? That's a hairstyle.

That's how it was. I never knew it was style. Never knew it was gold. Yeah. Save our brotherhood. I always can't lose, also had a way. I like that show. It was a great show.

All of those things were not touching somehow all of this media of me looking like a complete jackass in high school found crawled its way over to found an internet connection like a terminator robot and jumped on to Reddit. But as I was saying, sometimes Sean, the audio engineer will show up for a bonus episode that's 90 minutes long. This is what we started talking about just to set up for Larry. It will take 90 minutes to set up the audio equipment. And then literally two seconds before Sam Hyde calls in. Sam Hyde called in last week. Yeah. And Sean could not, we could not get the audio stuff working.

So fuck it. We'll get the old stuff. Fuck it. We'll get the old stuff. The old stuff wasn't working. I'm like, Sean, how long until this is fixed? How long? Like Sam's calling in in 13 minutes. That's a two minutes. Two minutes. What are we? 10 minutes goes by. Sean. No, no, no, this was the last time three minutes. Okay. We got three minutes. He's calling in. What do you say two and a half minutes? We're going to be ready to go.

Yeah. Sean plugs it in says, let's test this out. Hits record and about a second after you hit record. Yeah. The little thing lights up. Bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep. Sam Hyde calling. So I hit accept and just go into the,

hey, Sam Hyde, what's going on? Sam, that was masterful, I have to say. What, me? Yeah, I don't know how you just rolled right into it. Like I'm a psychopath. Like we were, it was insane. I was shell shocked for about an hour, trying to figure out what the fuck's going on.

Everyone was very quiet during that whole interview. Yeah, it was like, I know. Okay, I'll tell you what the fuck's going on. Everyone was very quiet during that whole interview. Yeah. It was like, I know. Okay, I'll tell you what makes me rage this week. If you can't tell, maybe you always listen to the show with cotton in your ears, so it sounds the same as it usually does today and the way I'm talking, but I've got a cotton plug in on the output here.

I gotta touch of an illness. I've gotta touch of the cr in on the output here. I've got a touch of an illness. I've got a touch of the crotch on me right now. And for some reason, perhaps because of a curse, because of a, because one of my ancestors murdered a young prince or something like that, a gypsy's son or something like this, colds hit me like a ton of bricks.

Like, I have spent so much of my life bedridden, like that person in seven, who's been fed drugs for two years. With all the pine trees hanging in the room. Like that corpse, that living corpse, I am stuck like that in fucking bed for so much of my life that now, whenever people who are around me show the tiniest bit

of any kind of illness, I get like a dog catchers leash, and I stick it around their neck just to keep them the fuck away from me. Because this is what happens to me. And this year it ruined Christmas. Yeah.

And I don't mean like, I don't mean like it made me sick during Christmas so that I didn't have as much fun as I should. A lot of Christmas party. Everybody lets their hair down at Christmas. And that's the time that I want to be alive to be around people. Like the rest of the year, I have to schedule everything around weekends,

time off. Like I'm always the guy. I'm like the cat in the hat. I show up on third street in Promenade saying, hey, life coach, I'm out here. I'm gonna take a, I'm gonna have a three, six, I'm gonna have a nine martini lunch. Why don't you come down and join me?

Oh, I can't, I got this big project to do. Uh, well, why don't you just come down and let's do a podcast. Deli-de-le. This is my fantasy world where you could do whatever you, who cares? Parents are never coming home. In Dix World, come out and do whatever you want. There are no parents in in Dix world come out and do whatever you want.

There are no parents in Dix world. No, and that's the holiday season for me because everybody wants to join in on my reindeer games. Secondly, I am a man who values efficiency. Time efficiency. Uh-huh. You know what I'm saying? Very serious. No, no, because when I say I ruin Christmas

I mean I fucking ruined Christmas. Oh, you did. Yeah. I've ruined Christmas before I thought I ruined Christmas before I ruin Christmas one time This is a very inappropriate story, but I'm gonna tell it anyway Okay, my my dear mother Used to love going to church. She's one of these Catholics that also reads Sylvia Brown books. Okay.

But just because they're kind of fun. Like I used to be worried that maybe she was retarded and like she believed in angels and shit. But then I realized it's like, no, I get it. Like you read Sylvia Brown books for the same reason that guys will watch superhero movies. It's like yeah, it's just a mental like fun thing. You don't think it's real.

No, you don't think it's real. You get it, you're smart, you're smart lady. It's just something fun for you. But she's always loved going to church and it's always been a big fight between, between me and her because I don't like fucking wasting time. Oh, and church was the worst as a kid. Dude, talk about ruining a perfectly good day. And like all your friends are out. Yeah, go and it's not just doing something that you don't want to do, it's doing nothing. Like it's the most impossible way to spend time

even in prison, even in prison, they let you do hobbies. Even in prison, they will let you carve soap into a chessboard. They will let you read a book, but in church, you can do absolutely fucking nothing. You just have to sit there and listen to the homily, the story that they tell you, which makes no sense. I defy anyone to find a homily that has any kind of,

like you think I ramble on and on with no beginning or end, go to any fucking church on any given Sunday, and that motherfucker will tell a story that goes from A to D with no beginning or end, go to any fucking church on any given Sunday. And that motherfucker will tell a story that goes from A to D to the Batman sign. And at no point do any of the people behave in a rational way, have any kind of motive? It's just at the end of the... Well, and that's what happened. Now we're gonna listen to a bunch of weirdos play acoustic guitar songs that suck.

Yeah. That's church. So, it's been a lifelong battle for me against my mom, like a cold war, because we don't, my mom, my dad and my sister, they fight with words and like with boasting and boisterous shouting and stuff like that. Yeah, I've seen it. I'm a mom and I don't fight like that. I did see your dad kick your sister in the ass one time.

Yeah, she deserved it. Like literally kick her in the ass. Yeah, I thought it was the funniest thing I've ever seen. My mom and I fight. We have a very different style of fighting. Yeah. And I've been slowly whittling away her her initiative to go to church since I was a teenager.

I spent my entire childhood trying to get out of church. Oh, yeah, until one day when I was a teenager, I was like, no, I'm not going anymore. Yeah, that's it. And then it went from, oh, well, if Dick's not going, I'm not going. My dad was like, well, if he's staying home, I don't want him, I better stay home too.

Right? So it's like, nobody wanted it. That's great. No, of course nobody wants it. Only women have ever wanted to go to church. There are 100% responsible for it anyway. So as I left, as I got out of going to church, everybody stopped going to church. Except we could never get out of Christmas and Easter time.

Because those are special. Because those are special. You really got to take one for the team for mom. For mom. On those days. Right. So one Christmas many years ago. I was meeting my whole family at Christmas Mass.

And the way Christmas worked for us, probably for a lot of other people, is, well, you know, Christmas is like a gym. They don't have enough room to seat all the people at once. They just have enough room for some members. Right? So nobody could stink God no one ever comes, or else they do what they have to do on Christmas, where they've got the big church, which has all the nice stuff, and then they've got the little run-off. The kids table. The kids table. The shitty one.

They put the misfits in the molester on course. And the sinners and the pagans, they all go to the shitty one, and you've got to listen to a broadcast, like a Soviet style speakers in the multipurpose room with this little shitty church. Blasting you about Jesus and God in a way that makes no sense. It never makes any sense. Never makes any fucking sense. Like all this is all the fucking priests would have to do is take one of the people suffering and retell their story.

Yeah. This is how stories work. You take one person, you got 2000 people in your church, you find fucking one, turn it into a game, turn it into a game, so they write their stories. Find the job. Yeah. And then they send you a story and you read a compelling fucking story of somebody from your congregation. You don't just wing it and talk about shit that happened to people 2,000 years ago, maybe that doesn't make any sense. You don't talk about what you've done

because you're a 60 year old virgin who has a 10% chance of being a pedophile. Like you don't have the life experience that people need. You're not, you're not the show. People need a show. They need to relate to fucking something. Yeah, sure. Just take somebody from the congregation and get the bullet points and tell their fucking story. Don't let them come up and tell the story either because they're a shit storyteller. Yeah, it's much more relatable. This is what they should do. I'm saying they never do this,

so because they have their head up their ass anyway. Because that's why no one likes going. Anyway. So my family every year has to go into the runoff, the multipurpose room with the peg. Because you're always late. Yeah. Oh, okay. Because you got to be, you got to be an hour early to get into good church on Christmas. There's a lot of seeds, but you gotta be real earth. And you're sure as fuck dragging your feet to make sure that doesn't happen? Oh, my dad is in a bathrobe and underwear and sandals

until like, until five minutes after we were supposed to leave. So what do you do? You get up on Christmas morning like open presents. No, this is Christmas Eve. Oh, you got a Christmas Eve church. You don't go to Christmas day church? No, okay. Christmas, it, this is Christmas Eve. Oh, you know, you got a Christmas Eve church. You don't go to Christmas Day church? No, okay. Christmas, it's over a Christmas day.

We don't have to be good anymore. Mom's had, mom's milked the Christmas season for all she can at that time. Okay. So one year, I'm meeting them there, and I figure I'm gonna be as late as hell because they've already got a spot in the little, like they're gonna save me a spot.

And I'm with my girlfriend at the time. This is again, this is many, many years ago. She might be listening, I don't know. It's a great story. If she is, this isn't even funny or story, if she's nothing. We're arriving late. We're in the parking lot of church, and it's,

Mass is either already started or about to start, and she leans over to me and says, hey, how would you like a blowjob? How would you like a Christmas church blowjob? And I'm like, okay, you want, I see what you're doing here. You want to do something very taboo in the church parking lot. Okay, that's fine. That's great. Go nuts.

You know, you know where it is. Get it out, you mean you, you don't need the parking lot. This is in the parking lot of church. It would be funny if she like ran in and brought a priest out. Yeah, I was too old. Yeah. It wasn't that long ago.

Okay. So she gets going and I get a text from my mom saying, Hey, where are you? I'm not thinking clearly. Well. So I say, Oh, uh, we're in the big church. We saved seeds right up front. She was, she was hitting me up all day. Make sure you the big church. We saved seeds right up front. She was hitting me up all day, make sure you get to church, make,

and it was starting to annoy me. So I just fired that off. You didn't go to them? Where were you? No, I was arriving separately. Just because I didn't, you know, I'm not gonna drive over to their house and then drive to church.

Okay, you were out of the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was probably like 24 years. I'm trying to remember, I was probably like 24. I'm trying to remember which girlfriend. Um, you know. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. You know her. Yeah, yeah.

I'm thinking an earlier one. So the festivities are, the festivities are complete in my car, right? Right. The chestnuts have been roasted, so to speak. And I check my phone again, and there's like 10 messages. And the one from my sister says, oh, you're so fucking dead. I'm like, oh, what happened? I trace through the messages, not not realizing we get out of the car and go to the little church. No sign of anybody.

So I say, uh-oh. So we get out of the, we leave that church and I call, call my mom not that. I call my sister and say, what's, hey, what's going on? She goes, oh, when mom got that text from you, she jumped out of the row and got so excited that you had saved seeds in the big church because they never, we never sat in the big church before. She got so excited, she dragged everybody out

of the little church, ran into the big one and they said, no, no, ma'am, the big one's full and she goes, no, my son saved us seeds in the front row. So you better let us the fuck in there because I'm taking my seed at the front, right? So the guy said, okay, ma'am, you go nuts. So they went up there, saw, of course, I was nowhere to be found. And it was then that my mom realized, I think my dad

and my sister realized the whole time, like, he did not do that. They just, they know. But she got so blinded by pleasing the Lord. That she thought it might be a possibility. When in reality, I was a hundred feet away, getting a blowjob in my job. What possessed you to make up such an outlandish lie? Because when I get the same question over and over,

I just start giving more preposterous answers. Like to say, as a way of saying, like, just leave me alone. Leave me the fuck alone to say, as a way of saying, like, just leave me alone. Leave me the fuck alone. That's my way of saying, just stop. Stop asking me the questions. So if you want to get more and increasingly insane answers from me, just ask me the same thing over

and over, and I'll give you that one. That was the first time I ruined Christmas. So since then, it was so traumatic. What was the fallout from that? They went to the front. The silent treatment. Oh, yeah, my mom was pissed. I've seen that in your family before. She was pissed. I think everyone was kind of pissed. But I was like, you guys come on. I obviously didn't do that. One or both of the other two thought it was funny. Separately. They did afterwards. Oh yeah. Well, people are like that.

Like you just got to have faith that they will think it's funny eventually. Yeah, right. And then they do. But ever since then, it has not been on the docket to try to convince everybody to go to church. Like it was abandoned after that. Yeah. And that was it.

I think I killed it. Yeah. So you were. That was the first time I ruined Christmas. And that was like, that compared to this last time is nothing. This last time I really ruined Christmas. As I said, I like to be very efficient with time. And that means.

So you started drinking when? I think if I would have drank more, I think this I wouldn't have ruined Christmas. You know what? There's been times where I've been sick and you just get, well, you want to get shit faced anyway, but you know that you just won't care that you're sick if you're really fucked up. No, that's totally true. So if it wasn't for the fucking podcast, like I got sick the day before we were supposed to record the bonus episode and the regular episode on like Thursday. No, no, you pushed it like two days. And then I was going to be free and clear to get shit faced for the rest of the holidays.

Like you were going to have ample time to edit the episodes. We were going to have to do that stupid podcast thing where you pretend it's after Christmas, which always is weird and forced, and I don't even know why we do anyway. But I got sick and I was like, okay, it's maybe it's a little tiny thing tomorrow will be, tomorrow will be better.

We'll push the recording tomorrow, and then tomorrow again. And the next thing I know it's Christmas, but that whole time, I also had put off buying any Christmas presents until like the 23rd, 24th of December. Yeah. Cause I got other shit to do.

Yeah. Like every other man in the world, I have other shit to do. And as easy as it sounds to just go on Amazon and buy a bunch of things I also have shit to do online and I'm like When everything shut down, this is what I'm thinking in my head leading up to Christmas when everything is shut down I'll just go to the mall and

Buy everybody's stuff like I got a pretty good idea of the things that I'm gonna get everybody. I've known them for a long time. I know what they like. I'm gonna get them some variation of this thing. I got them last year. I'm gonna get my sister. It doesn't matter what I get my sister

because she's gonna take it back anyway. So it just matters where I got it. I'll just walk into the store, grab the first couple things I find, go up to the register. And if it's more than I want to spend on her, I'll throw one thing out. And there you go. I got you a gift card in the form of physical things. This is the game that we fucking play on Christmas because it's all a big, it's all a game. It's all a big page. You ever just give gift cards?

No. No. Because gift cards are just cash. Like if I'm giving a gift card, am I as well as a gift card? Well, she's basically using it as cash. Yeah, but it's gotta have that layer of abstraction. You know, the more I get, the more I realize how important a layer of abstraction is.

Okay. Like you can't. I understand. You know, it's just, it's a layer of abstraction is the difference between a wife and a hooker. Like, layer, I'm joking, I'm joking, obviously. But the layers of abstraction are very important. So I figured I would wait until the 23rd or the 24th

to do it, just like the podcast, I would just knock it out in the 22nd, 23rd. I could hit with this illness. I don't know what it is. If AIDS happen to straight men, then I have AIDS. Okay. Because when I get hit with something, I'm fucking out for the count. Like, I can't move. I can't think straight. I'm just like I talk and nonsense comes out. I can't operate at all. The short version of the story is December 25th rolls around. I'm texting 80s girl by the way.

On the 24th, hey, we need to talk. There's no way I'm gonna be able to get, like you know me. You know that I put stuff off until the very last minute because there's nothing wrong with that. You know that I put stuff off until the very last minute because there's nothing wrong with that. Like you don't need to have everything planned out in advance. Usually, right? I put it off because I got a lot of other shit to do.

But baby, I gotta talk to you. I don't think I'm gonna be able, I don't think Santa's coming this year. Yeah. I gotta tell her this and she goes, well, that's okay. I can help you get stuff for your family. And I'm like, sweetheart, I don't care about getting them anything.

Yeah. So you know, I love them and I want to get them things. But they're lucky I show up at all. Yeah, this is their dealing with a guy who fucked up Christmas by getting a blowjob. That's what they're used to deal with. You are very, it's all, I don't, I'm carrying, I'm telling you this because I don't think I can get you anything.

See, I'm still keeping up the charade. You, what do you mean? I'm still keeping up the charade. With you. Yeah, with you. See, that's because that abstract layer is important. Yeah. That's what makes this a relationship

and not a family. Yeah, I don't need any level layer of abstraction with them because they're stuck with me. If it becomes a family, then you get shit on. Then you get, then the layer of abstraction is gone. And she's trying her best to help me out with their presence. I'm like, this is not about, this is about you. This is a bench, and she goes, oh, don't worry about me.

I totally understand. And that is, let me tell you something. Never, never has those words been uttered where they are true. Yeah, never. They do, not because you can't, like rationally, you think you can understand it, you think you understand, you just fucking don't.

Because feelings trump logic every day of the week. Every day? Every day. They always will. And we always should. And I know this. And I'm telling her this, but she's being, you know, nobody wants to be that person who gets slided

because it ain't getting any Christmas presents, right? But we're all that person. And I'm saying this, like I'm making this please, saying please, you gotta understand that I know in advance, I'm gonna fuck this up because I can't get out of bed. Like I cannot get out of bed. She's not even around.

She's fucked off to see relatives or whatever. So it's just me by myself crawling around, crawling around the room like, like that guy who gets his ears cut off and reservoir dogs. Just, just trying to get to the bathroom in time. There's, there's no chance that I'm getting to the mall. Prime delivery has, that, that ship has sailed. That, that ship is long gone and I'm just begging. Plea, please, you got to understand. Please listen to me that I'm just begging. Plea, please, you gotta understand, please listen to me that I didn't want this to happen,

but I just got very sick. And there's nothing I can do. She goes, it's fine, it's fine. Christmas day rolls around. Big stack of presents for me. Other side of the scale? Absolutely nothing. And it's fine.

And you feel really good. I don't feel so fucking bad, man. And now, it's fine. It's fine. She was great about it. It's fine. But all I want now, I want to find the fucking guy who gave me this illness. And I want revenge on it.

That's what I want. I want a nationwide date. I's what I want. I want a nationwide date like like, like, I don't know what this is. It's a virus that I have. I want to take a sample of the virus, like Jurassic Park or whatever, figure out the RNA. I don't know, I'm not a scientist,

but I want this to be tracked. And I want to go to everybody I know and take a little swab of their cheek or put a little scanner on them and see who the fuck gave me this sickness Because they were being reckless with my time with my it's not my fault It's not my fault that I fucked up Christmas never is they did it to me. You see I'm just I am the vessel of their carelessness Yes, I suffered I suffered of their carelessness. Yes. I suffered. I suffered for their sins.

You understand this is the season for murdering. And this person, whoever it was, and I think it was my dad, I think it was my, because he's, he's always the one who thinks he's got nature beat. Life's funny out there. You always have to have somebody to blame. Everybody says, you got me sick. Because somebody did. Somebody did.

Well, yeah. Because they didn't want to wait to get out of the house. And being going out while you're sick is the same as drunk driving. It's the same mentality. Because it's like, nah, you know what? Fuck them. Just fuck everybody else.

So what if I get people sick and fuck up their Christmas and fuck up their business or fuck up whatever, I gotta get out of the house. I gotta be me. I'm not, I'm not gonna go take an Uber to pick up my car tomorrow. I gotta do it now. Fuck them. I want to know who did it.

I went out and I think it's, because he's always gone. What would you do with this information? I'll go get him, him fucking sick. I'm gonna spit into a jar. Well, you're gonna get the guy who got you sick sick. Yes. Well, you hope the virus is mutated and I'll put it

in the microwave and stuff. Give him something else. I don't know. I'll get I just want to know who did it. So I can shame them. So I can get out like, look, I'll make a database like that don't date them girl database where women post all of the men they've

sleep with who are dogs. Right. And then it turns out no one cared about it because any woman who would do that is insane. Okay. And no one trusts them. And I just want to know who because because they ruin Christmas. That's all I'm gonna say.

All right. I've got some video. I've got some audio stuff to play you here. Oh, this is this is pretty funny. I've got more letters to Sean. More letters from you, but this one, I'm gone one week. And I get back and I'm a Nazi. How did this happen? I just said you were doing a World War II reenactment. They filled in the Nazi. I thought you just said, I thought you just said a war reenactment. No, I said you are a war reenactment, but specifically World War II reenactment. They filled in the Nazi party. I thought you just said, I thought you just said a war reenactment.

No, I said you are a war reenactment, but specifically World War II. I see every time I think war reenact her, I think, yeah, yeah, exactly. It's always civil war, right? Yeah. And then I thought, like, isn't it, like, someday won't there be World War II reenactors? Sure. And there's like, slave isn't, isn't that comparable? Like, it's a war sure they fought over something that meant something very different to one side as it did the other like it was a moral atrocity on one side right it was not on the other yeah like is it less offensive that it's World War

2 I don't know I will find out in a hundred years I guess yeah right I got some more of those letters My dearest love it is I your humble cordial engineer I'll write to you with the most glorious of news. I have finally escaped. Master Maddox's plantation. I have been toiling in his fields for a wave that would not be fit a cook. Master Maddox kept trying to pave the and small leather bags, which seemed far more befitting for those, or the feminine persuasion. Also the undershirts with which he clothed me, itched ever so, encrumbled to dust at the first sign of the wash tub. Never again will I have to hear Master Maddox make one point about crop rotations badly,

then argue the other side of crop rotations badly as if he were ever an expert and either in the first place. He always opened his speeches with, according to an article in the Huff Pogazette, and I'm like, if I wanted to read the Huff Pogazette, I would just read the Huff Pogazette. I can't believe you're expecting me to literally listen to you read an entire article from the Huff Pogazetteette and then somehow call that entertainment. My stars I do go on, but it was more tedious than listening to a pass to read the Bible. At least somebody dies in the Bible.

Oh my sweetest dollar, I shall return to the Aspharm at first light. Keep that snatch extra tight. She. Let's do the second. You want to listen to another one? Yeah, we'll do it. Let's listen to another one. My dearest scound.

Oh, how the word audio engineer falls so sweetly upon my ears. My heart nestled between these two perfect luscious titties, beats ever quicker in celebration at the telling of your emancipation. Master Maddox does not merit the live and kindness of a pure, virtuous, and fuckable, and audio-engineers, such as you. His show, I mean, plantation, seems to me a vast and erud desert. And you, you were like the only green spot around which the listeners' whole hearts delight. The pride of your fondest affections and ever-watchful love and sympathy.

That podcast, well it's basically fun. I do console myself with the reflection that soon. I will be able to claim you once again as my own. But for now, I will smoke a bowl of sticky icky and administer the custom made dildo you thoughtfully molded for mine purse. Always and affectionately ever yours. A big old slut. Fuck, that's what I should have got 80s girl for Christmas.

I like the sum chick from last week. Yeah. That dildo thing, that the fan sent in. Yeah, I had it sit in there. And for some reason, when I'm sick, man, I can get a raging erection. I don't know if anybody else can do that, but when I'm hung over, I can lift weights like Popeye. And when I'm sick, I got an erection

that's about 10 feet long, and I could fuck through a cinder block. Jesus. That's a true story. All right, I got one more of those. Let's see here, but I also have, I also have some weird voicemails that I got to play you. So these are, these are from someone you know, these are also about you. Oh good. Yeah, you're gone for one episode. Yeah. They left a bunch of them. And so they really wanted to talk to you.

I don't usually, usually when people leave this many voicemails, I try to only play one. Yeah, but this person really, really wanted to get in contact with you. So I'm gonna play most of them, probably all of them. Just because I want you to hear them. I want them to know that you heard them too. Okay.

Oh, hey, Sean, it's me, my cuck's. I was just, yeah, just started giving you call. Can I see what you're doing, but I guess I didn't, didn't get you, you you're busy with whatever. Yeah, just pretty much wanted to say, hey, you know, I know that, you know, we talked and, and you're not gonna be the sound engineer for the best debate in the universe anymore.

And, you know, I respect that. I understand you know you've got a lot of big projects and stuff going on. You gotta take care of you and you know um but you know I just wanted to say you know maybe we could hang out just you know you know because you just did like some friends or whatever, no, no, no like employee or whatever And maybe Rucker, because you know Rucker is really missing you, you know, he like you lot You know, just we could maybe we could go grab dinner one time just you know just some guys just grabbing dinner like Like a totally totally normal thing the guys do, just friends hanging out, just friends, you know, you know what I mean?

Um, anyway, yeah, I guess, I guess that's about it. Just, you know, whenever, whenever you're ready, just, you know, feel free to give me a call because, you know, I like to talk to you. I think you're a cool guy. You know, just think to talk to you. I think you're a cool guy. You know, just think about what I said. You know, I think, you know, it's just be, do the friend. You should be friends. And I think that that would be a normal, a normal thing to do. So just, uh, perfectly. Call back whenever you can. Um, yeah. Cool. All right. Well, uh, uh, uh, gets all talked to you later.

He's sent a bunch of these. I don't know if they're all that long. Mad cooks. No, they're not all that long. Hey, Sean. Um, yeah, I was in the other room. I was making myself some soup and I, uh, I thought I maybe heard my phone ringing. And my phone does is weird things sometimes where, uh, a call don't come through. So I'm'm sure that you weren't trying to call me or whatever so yeah just you can just ignore this. It's another one. Yeah, hey, hey, it's my cut. Look, I was in the studio here just a little bit ago and I found some stuff that I think it may be yours. Not really sure but if you want to kind of, if you want to swing by, maybe on your way to

one of your World War II reenactments or maybe on your way home, you know, just make sure that none of this stuff is yours, because you know, I don't want to have anything to belong to anybody. Maybe you just take a look at it and that's that's the move. When you want a girl back because she's got to pick up her stuff. Maybe you don't want your own stuff. You don't want to have other people stuff. I don't want to relax. So she's got to come over.

Just to get the stuff. I guess. I guess that's it. Cool. Oh, wait. I think I got something coming down the line. I mean, maybe you, hold on, what the, I'll take you back.

All right, let's see, I got some presents that I've been meaning to open. West Morris sent this in. So this one, this first one is a painting of you. Oh my God. I think I've seen that. Have you? Yeah, was it online?

Well now it's in the real world, dude. If you have seen it, did you see this? Yeah, I think I saw that online. It's a little I mean it does look that looks there's some there's a very close resemblance I don't know if you've got this jaw though. No, not probably, no, not quite. Not quite. But that is a hell of a painting though. That's pretty damn good. I mean, the what you don't want is to get a painting of you

and then he's saying, well, I think I look a little bit more masculine than that. Because then you probably don't. That's the real, what you do want is a painting where you think, Jesus Christ, I look at that masculine. Maybe I do. I don't think so, but I've known you a long time. I'm not holding up to the camera.

So I gotta find some way to hang this up behind me. That's fucking cool. Yeah, that is fucking cool. What is Morris? Well, he's a tattoo artist. No shit. Yeah, he just got so struck with your beauty that he had to paint this painting of you.

See, I have no artistic ability whatsoever when it comes to that. I don't understand, like you can draw. Yeah. You draw it. You know, but I don't understand how that happens. Like it's like they're doing it and it looks like nothing and then it looks like something.

Yeah. And I don't, my brain doesn't work that way. I can draw things, but they all look the same. And I don't understand how these paint strokes come together to make you look at the painting things. Bob Ross was on the other day. Oh yeah. Yeah, I know him.

Yeah, it's like, what is this? It doesn't look like anything. He's like blending all this pen and then all of a sudden It's a seascape. No people say that about music though. You should write this guy a song. You should play him a little ditty And people do say it's mysterious You know in that way too, but yeah, I don't understand like getting it in the visual realm There's just no there's a no communication between what's in my mind and what goes down on paper. And then here's when he did of me, this is Dr. Phil's head explode. Dr. Phil with a stupid look on his face.

And his head is exploding with like a nuclear bomb and there's all these like shitty expressions of me haunting Dr. Phil's nightmares. Like, like, like, like, like, I'm like, he's on a, like, he's on an acid trip. And I'm just me barking, insane things and fucking with his show behind my aviators. That's fucking rad, man. That is more. That is cool. Uh, numero, numero, dito, did another animation. I'll put that on the website too. This one is me describing Trump's words nightmare.

When I said that I inspired Trump to win the presidency because I grabbed him when he was, before he was even the president elect, when he was a guy who just had no chance of winning. Yeah. And said, hey, you got to win. You got to win, right? I thought it was, I thought it you got a win. You got a win, right? I thought it was. I thought it was.

You better win. Yeah. You better win. You better win and he looked away and then he gave me a second look. Like, what the hell are you doing to me? Because I was obviously drunk. Let's see. I got another box from Jack G. Let me open this one.

This one's from Singapore. Pretty cool. Let's see here. What has it come with VD? Dick mid-30s, big swing and Dick Patrione here. He wanted to show my appreciation for the Dix show. Being out of America in a country that doesn't even let you chew gum. What? Yeah, they get in Singapore, they don't let you chew gum. Hmm. They have like a huge like sticky shoe problem down the street like France and dog shit. That's why they wear those shoe, those wooden shoes with the platforms on them because they have so much gum around.

Well, doesn't even let you chew gum and has the potential to drive someone mad, but with enough alcohol and dick, I've been managing to have the time of my life here in Southeast Asia. Your show is the highlight of my week, and they're at Y. Well, I don't know. Singapore. I just remember the Jack Sparrow line. Clearly, you've never been to Singapore.

Oh, yeah. Your show is the highlight of my week, and there are times in the gym when I look like a maniac train and repress the smile you show puts on my face. Oh, that's cool, man. Let's see, we got some... Some shot glasses from Singapore. Wow, they do a lot of things are illegal in Singapore. This is a shot glass that has all the illegal things in the fines you can give for them.

Really? Huh, yeah. Let's see here. A shirt? A Singapore shirt. Let's see here. A shirt? A Singapore shirt, let's see if it's gildin. Nope, that's a quality shirt, not gildin. Or fruit of the loom, both terrible. Oh, I love Singapore.

Oh, panda bear guy. Oh shit, something to cuddle up with, Sean. Something to keep you nice and warm, I usually put out in the back. Wouldn't you sick? Yeah, wouldn't you nice and warm, I usually. Wouldn't you sick? Yeah, when you sick. Man, I'll tell you, the other thing that makes, what really makes me a rage about being sick?

You know we have another show to do, right? I know, I know, and I have so much, I have so much more shit to talk like I bring in this huge stack of papers with ideas of things to talk about, and I don't ever read any of them. Yeah, I read none of them. I got a neurotic story for you to read on the bonus episode. Oh, good.

Asterios is getting fucked with. He's gonna call in. We're gonna talk about that on the bonus episode. But the thing that really makes me rage about being sick is every fucking idiot has this secret method to cure the common cold. Oh, I know. It's been haunting human civilization

for a million years or 10 million years, whatever. And everybody becomes a folk remedy expert. Dude, and they start talking to me, and I start looking at them like they're, it's like you're going to Vegas and somebody's telling you a secret system to beat the house. It's like you can't beat the fucking house. You can to beat the house. It's like, you can't beat the fucking house. You can't beat the cold.

The cards are everywhere. Stop telling me the system that you have. First you got to get some vitamin C, then you got to get, you got to get a lemon, you got to shove a lemon up your ass. That's what you have to do if you're sick. Then you got a 12 around six, then you want to take a hot, hot shower. You want to sit in the shower for two days. Then you want to go to the doctor

and get a cue pack. It's not a Z pack. It's a different, it's a different secret pack that for some fucking reason, the most greedy companies on the face of the earth have not found a way to sell you directly. You've got to go to the doctor and request this special shit that'll fix your cold. And if you do all this garbage, you'll be good in seven days instead of, instead of, if you just let the cold run its course, it'll be done in about a week. Okay. That's the difference. Every time you lose in Blackjack, you just double your bed.

Okay. That's it. You're a fucking genius. You're a fucking you figured it out Why the fuck why is there a Las Vegas anymore? Why does anyone still get sick? You fucking figured it out Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I'm on my way to the store to get a lemon I'm gonna get two lemons. I'm gonna shove one up my ass and I'm gonna shove one up fucking yours Just in case you get sick. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna shove one up fucking yours just in case you get sick. That's what I'm gonna do. Fuck you.

Preventive medicine. Oh my God. Every time I hear somebody with a system like for gambling, like, oh man, it's like, this, my brother goes to Vegas and like, he wins all the time. No, he's telling you that because he's ashamed that he's fucking losing all the time. And the other thing that I immediately consider someone an idiot for, I'm not saying this never happens or someone hasn't, but when they always talk about the dog, they had as a kid as being half wolf.

What? That's another one. No, because people say that. Yeah, people say that kind of, oh, I was a kid. It's like, no, they wanted it to be half wolf. It's, I never heard someone say that. Half wolf dog. Oh, yeah. No, it was a guy. It was, you know, a lot of people. I, well, you know, he used to live around idiots, I guess.

Yeah. Why do you know somebody who had a half wolf dog? Well, that's what they always said, because they thought it was cool. You know, you say shit when you're a kid, because you think it's cool. Yeah. Like after my chisin and punch out, you know, but I'm not even talking about the kids. I'm talking about like as adults. Adults. You go out in these, uh, you know, there's Los Angeles. You go further and further and further out. There's a lot of weird little towns in Los Angeles County.

Well, it's very different stayed. It is central California is all red. I'm talking about like the high desert. Yeah. I go to like Palmdale, Lancaster, Lake Los Angeles, Parablosum, all these fucking areas that are where people are weird because they live out there. Yeah. Desert people. You ever talked to these people? Oh, yeah. Somebody brings up, somebody brings up, yeah, holy fuck all the time here in Alaska.

I'm talking about, I think they're talking about the, the wolf dog hybrids. Who said that they had a wolf dog hybrid that you know? Well, when I used to, well, no, I used to talk to people when back in the days when I was a praising real estate. Oh, yeah. Before you started it. Yeah. And you go out there and you get what you fucking weirdo is want to follow you around and, you know, follow and measure the house. And I would run into that. Yeah, I know people have them in Alaska. All right, I got some more voice. Yeah, it's, it's, I think they're actually kind of a problem because they're somewhat like wolves, but they're kind of not afraid of people.

Is there sort of just breeding wildly? I don't know, anyway. Yeah. Yes, I believe you up there in Alaska. Oh, yeah, Sean, this is Mad Cuck. You know, I've been sitting here and he's coming back. So, you know, I was just kind of wondering what's up. I mean, I thought we were cool friends or what,

but apparently maybe that's not a thing. So, you know, I just wanted to call and tell you that, you know, if you were ever thinking that maybe you'd have some kind of, potentially, podcast, on Madcast Media, well, that's not gonna happen. You know, you know, I put my towel out there, you know, I put my towel out there a lot. I brought in snacks every week and you never called me.

And I said, How many times you left the studio and I found beers that had been open But they just never had a drink out of them. You're sitting there at your little table And you did I got those things for you. I thought you'd like them But yeah, maybe my beer's not good enough. Maybe my podcast not good no. Yeah, maybe we don't pay as much as I'm not a guest, but guess what you know, we're kind of on a budget here So you know, we don't have unlimited paid for our money that other people and you know We got this new guy dresses who do some of this down. He's doing a real good job Just one just one that you know that and you know, I just don't need you

I don't need some friends ask you know galvanic and playing I don't need some friends ask you know, Kalimantin playing Well, not you whatever on the stupid on the park and This is the last message Sean I'm not calling you again. Don't call me. I don't hear about it. So mad cards Yeah, voice mail to the X man clear that up that you are definitely definitely fired from the Mac and media network. So well, there's three more. I'm gonna talk to you later. I think he's gonna take that back. Mad Cox. Hey, hey, it's time, it's my cook. I just wanted to call you again. And you know, I just I just wanted to say

I'm really sorry about the last message that I loved you. I just you know, I just kind of I can't think of Reacted whatever and you know, I just I've been thinking about it here. I've been thinking about it with the soup that I'm eating and I just wanted to And I just wanted to I Just wanted to really apologize for what I what is that the range on this guy,. You know, I think you're a really cool guy. And you know, you think that we could, we could really, you know, it's not, whatever.

So, you know, kind of really sorry about the last message. And you could just call me back how we be. I'll be, I'd be really cool. So yeah, good, I'll get all of you from a later, do it, we mad cuck, you know, you got the numbers, so just give me a call back, right? Yeah, you know, we all know, we know the number. All right, everybody, you've been listening to the Dix Show.

I guess we'll call this a holiday episode, because all I talked about, all I talked about was ruining Christmas. We're in Christmas. We're in Christmas. Several Christmas is shown. I didn't even talk about the time I spilled gin on a baby. Oh, then you fucked up. Oh, I just remembered that. Dude, like you have no idea when I sit here to come in. You want to tell it on the bonus? Maybe.

We just got so much to talk about. You've been listening to the Dix show, check us out at thedixhow.com, go to patreon.com slash the Dix show. I think we're in the top 20 Patreons. No shit. This year, yeah, of 2016, it's been a great fucking year.

Thanks everybody for supporting the show. I know I say that on behalf of Sean because he gets a percentage of it every time. Oh yeah. I think we're definitely gonna hit the road rage goal. I got a goal on Patreon. If we hit it, road rage, we're going to take this show on the road. That's right.

We're going to probably do somewhere on the East Coast, probably in between Philly and New York somewhere around there. But hopefully we hit it. The closing song this week is by a AC IOU See next Tuesday Wow, it was really cool. Everybody's done such a different version too. It's so cool These listeners are so creative. I know they're amazing so much creativity out there. They're amazing That's fucking cool. Oh hey, uh, it's done. I think I dialed your number by accident.

I was trying to call, uh, Ruckun see what he was doing. See if he wanted to come over, maybe, uh, get pegged by metal jets. Oh, shit, it's what? Well, I bet you made it from the closet, but, uh, because maybe that makes See if he wanted to come over maybe get packed by metal jets But maybe I make me feel better. That's what I'm talking about to doubt you by mistake You're the last person that I called so yeah, if you just you know if you want to come hang out that'd be cool too But I'm gonna see if rocker maybe Anyway I'm here, that'd be cool too, but I might see if Rucker maybe wants to call for it. Anyway, I'll talk to you later, Sean. I just noticed that Jacques, in his package, there's a postcard, a Singaporean,

I just thought it was a postcard. It's a stereos get raped. Jacques, I'm the pack. Oh, well. I got two more, two more audio bits. Hey, Sean, you know, I called Rucker I got two more two more audio bits Hey I called Raka and he came over and he and Jess were doing stuff and you know, I got to really think about it and you know

They were talking to me and Did they think I'm better? I'm better off and I think so too. I think I'm better off I think the time we parted ways. I think we you know, we said everything needs to be said and We you know, I just they really made me realize it we, they really made me realize that I don't need you, John. I don't need you, okay? So just, you know, just, I didn't tell him to do this. I didn't do this for what it's worth.

Oh, I believe you. Yeah, you know what else? I think you should have better buckle up, because maybe somebody's personal professional representation might be getting about to be ruined. So yeah, too late on the Dictionary. That's true. Big projects, whatever you got going on, you know, in your little sect turned to there with Dicks,

Ray Papalda's masterton, and the stinky Greek lion, Lyrison, who's spoken up to whatever stupid, stupid liar lion son. stupid, stupid liar liarson. Yeah, so just, yeah, just take this, this, this call, this voicemail right here. This one is for real. The very last one that I'm going to call you about because we're done, sir. We are done.

You're done. You just buckle up because I am coming for you. Fuck. So then it comes for other things. Basically, he even used his metaphor as wrong. Just like the real guy, your personal professional reputation, it's going to be gone. So you don't buckle up because someone's coming for you.

That's exactly what Maddox would say. That's, I guess that's really all I have to say. So yeah, talk to the other time. Bye. All right. Last there's that that's it for me. Like I brought it in, talk to the other stories. Bye. All right, that's it for that. Like I brought it in for a nice landing. Yeah. At the end.

Uh, he did a, he recorded a special erotic story for a Patreon's, a Christmas erotic story. He did? Oh, it's funny. Really? Yeah, it's like a 10 minute long erotic story. Yeah. Just for patreon.com slash the Dic show.

Here's a lot of lose last letter Dear sweetie, I currently write to you from the safety and comfort of Cassidy, Master's in We are building an audio studio the likes of which only the angels have dared to dream It will totally work 100% of the time and I won't fuck up any audio at all ever. Not an ounce of it. No sirry. No. I'm a say though. I certainly don't mind holding conference with Master Masterson's mistress, 1880s girl. I saw the glimpse of her ankle the other day. Wow, not sure why I'm telling you this scene as you all my beloved, but... Wow, as for the home itself, it seems a bit irregular. The wall seemed to be made entirely of whiskey bottles and coal. No, I am and shall remain been done. I'm trying to think

if I have, but you know, it's seen it. Again, a lot of creativity out there with the listeners. All right. See you next Tuesday.