The Dick Show - Episode 32 – Dick on Accidental Pornography

Episode Date: January 10, 2017

Download the MP3 Patreon ruins what’s left of my personal and professional reputation, my car becomes an underbuggy, I get the worst news of my life, Sean gets a Paraguayan hype man, wauterboi drops his new album, spells his name, and talks about his mom’s birds, The Rage Board has a new champion, saying Excuse … Continue reading "Episode 32 – Dick on Accidental Pornography" The post Episode 32 – Dick on Accidental Pornography appeared first on The Dick Show.

Yeah Welcome to dick you need dick you Dick, you want more Dick. All day, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, it's Dick in your ear. May extend the dick. Nobody wants a dick. Nobody wants a dick. It's the power of Dick, you got it.

It's the only podcast where everything is a contest. I'm your host, Dick Masterson. With me, it's always a shawd, audio engineer. Yeah, yeah, I'm doing stuff. Yeah, what's up buddy? Are you, hey, what can I do? This is what I need. I realized in my life now.

I need a, I need like a nuclear powered pager that is also an alarm clock that I can give to everybody in my life that I depend on. So that they do not always suffer, always suffer unfathomable, unpredictable catastrophes of the no alarm clock variety. And they show up 45 minutes late to taping surprise that there is a new computer and audio equipment that I've been telling them about. That's what I want.

That's my biggest solution in the universe. It's a nuclear danger that is just on you at all, like a doctor. Do you know if you were a doctor, you would have killed people today, Sean. All the way up as late as you did. All doctors kill people. No, really.

They always have somebody who they think that, you know, if they had done something different than... Yes, but that is when they're working at their best. That is not because they didn't show up for work. Oh, no. Hey, all doctors kill somebody. All doctors make mistakes. Are you, I just didn't show up to give them the Heimlich maneuver. That's not what doctors say. Are you running the new OS on iPhone? What? Are you running the latest OS on your iPhone? I don't know, probably.

Okay, because what happens is it gets down below about 25%, 20%, it goes to zero almost immediately. So yeah, it could have crossed over. That's not very good. It's very good. No, zero doesn't really work for anyone. Well, what are you doing hugging the 20%? Sean's gonna bet.

What are you doing sleeping till 11 in the morning. That's what I want to know. What do you, how does someone do? I do, doesn't drink sleep until, sleep until well into the day. I went to bed about four. What are you doing? I do my best work in the middle of the night.

You know, I, nice and quiet. You know, it's interesting. I read a, I read a, I read a headline about this. Yeah, I read a study about this that explained why engineers of all types do their best work at night. And it's because people don't bother them.

And like they need, like an engineer, maybe this is, this must be true for you too, because you got to remember all kinds of audio stuff like coming and going and where you're at. No, it's simply, you hear better at night. It's an evolutionary, that's it. Oh, you can, well, it's also everything is quiet, but yeah, people hear better at night. It's an evolutionary, that's it. Oh, you can, well, it's also everything is quiet, but yeah, people hear better at night

because you don't see as well. Oh, really? That's a real scientific thing. You just hear better at night. Like your brain switches resources into hearing. Yes, as far as you know, that's exactly how it goes. What do you mean as far as I know? Are you smart ass?

Fuck you smart. Just articles that I've read oh I was gonna congratulate you on run my computer. I didn't I didn't realize this But many people pointed it out online that last episode was episode 31 of the Dixiel and you deleted Episode 31 of biggest problem only these motherfuckers would remember that kind of shit I don't make jokes like that anymore, but people are telling me that online and I would be, I'm just not to bring it up. I've always thought it was funny. Yeah, I've always thought it was funny. It was just like, yeah, it's never gonna die. It's just one of those things. I'm cool with it. It's a catastrophe. It's like the

Hindenburg and the Holocaust are never gonna die. Well, I don't know if it's a catastrophe. It probably got more listeners. Yeah, probably. You should do that to the biggest debate shows. Just delete all of them. We'll probably lose Lesless News app. It's the only show where you can hear the audio stylings of Sean, the audio engineer, soon to be going on the road. I've got one update on that because I was supposed to bring an update about road rage in the Patreon goal we got where we're taking the show on the road.

And I think I'm more excited for this than anything. I've ever been excited for in my life. It's like all the opening days at Dodger Stadium crammed into one a traveling comedy road show. I can't believe we get to do this. Me either. It's really helpful. The people are like paying money to get to do this.

And we're all gonna go get drunk and shit faced and do like three hours of comedy, I guess. Maybe I'll get like diet coke poisoning or something. You could get, you could get quinoine poisoning. Oh, quinoine from tonic. Yeah, did I ever tell you about the friend I had who, yeah. And that's for malaria, isn't it? Yeah, so they call it tonic. In my understanding is the British made the gin and tonic and they loaded up the tonic

water with quionine because they had all these brits going around the world spreading the wonder of white people to indigenous tribes all over the world. The gift that keeps on going with guns. You know, it's the best way to deliver that message to indigenous people is, hey, we gotta, hey, here, welcome to the, welcome to the 19th century motherfucker rat, tat, tat, tat, tat. Yeah, sure. Cause that's we wanted to just, you know, just doing God's work back in the day, the British

did it, not me. No, I had nothing to do with that British did it. No, you're running from the British. Yeah, Mexico, please. Yeah, we did our part. We, we, we, we got invaded already, it's fine. Yeah. So the Brits were going all around the world, and of course, as we should know, the mosquito

is like man's natural enemy. Like mosquitoes kill more men than men, I think. Like they're the only predator of men is a mosquito. They harvest us. The mosquitoes, they get together, they have this big global conspiracy where they figured out a way to keep us alive like the matrix and harvest our blood.

And they're like, no, we're not gonna don't kill them because we need them alive. Because if they grew to enormous sizes and harvested us in one fell swoop It would be a disaster bad for them So the mosquitoes were wiping out Wiping out the brids that were going all the way so they said hey here's we're gonna make this G&T This gin and tonic and we're gonna load it up with

quinine So you don't get malaria. Yeah, it's like malaria repellent. I don't know. I only know as far as the drink takes me. Like that's where my history goes as far as the drink goes. Right. And then the next lesson is like, well, let me tell you why the quina and fights malaria. I said, I don't need that part.

I know. I just need to know the quina is. I don't even know what quina is. It's a chemical or something. I don't know. It's going to be some naturally occurring substance, right? Because if they've a chemical or something, I don't know. It's gotta be some naturally occurring substance, right? Because if they've been using it for, I don't know,

a couple hundred years at least. Yeah. So a friend of mine in Vegas got a DUI as, I don't know how you do not get a DUI if you live in Las Vegas. Like this was before Uber. So. I know there's cabs all over the place too.

Yeah, but you got to wait in line. That's the whole. That's the whole. Yeah, you used to have to wait in these huge fuck off lines, especially you'd go on the on the strip. So we can eat whatever he got to do. You why he's a little cocky too. You you you're drinking a drive in for enough time. You get cocky. You know, yeah. And his rule with himself was that he would go completely sober, not drink at all until his court date. And that made him feel like he could represent himself responsibly. I represented himself. Yeah. And his drink was the GNT. So the way he did this completely sober,

while still going out and having fun was he would just order gin and tonics minus the gin. Yeah, well, it, it's kind of bitter, so it tastes like you might be drinking a drink. Yeah. And you'll probably still get the placebo effect. Yeah. And you can still have that for friends. I used to get that from, I would, you know, I tried for, you know, about a day non-alcoholic

beer. So I realized that all of them, so you drank, I asked 500 of them to get drunk. Well, yeah, you can still get drunk off of them. I think this is like 19 beers. Yeah, I was going to say it's like 30 or something like that because it's got point, you know, point, oh, no, it's like 0.5% something like that. Yeah. But anyway, they see beer without the alcohol doesn't taste like beer.

It's always too sweet. Some are better than others, but it's that alcohol that balances it out, I think. And it's, yeah, but you will get a placebo effect. Anyway, this guy drank so many gin and tonics hold the gin that he gave himself debilitating quinoine poisoning after like a month of being, after a month of being sober and just going out, he's like, yeah, it turned, I drank so many gin and tonics

minus the gin and at such volume, because like he's sitting there frantically pounding tonic, hoping that magically, reality will go away. Yeah. I started to see the world as it really is and it's freaking him out. I don't know. Man, I think you got to like maybe come up with a better plan. I don't think your system to beat the house. No, he wouldn't be drinking if there were gin in those drinks.

He wouldn't be drinking that many drinks, what do you think? I think it would slow you down. I would think so. I think he started getting silly and thinking he needed to drive his car somewhere. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, this speaking of the road rage in the Patreon, I feel naked without the live feed. Yeah, you're a little feisty.

Cause they always tell me if something's fucked up or. it's good. What's going on? It's good. They're saying it's good. All right. All right. Sean speaking of the live feed. Of course, we can go to Patreon or Com slash the Dix show. I highly recommend it. It's a it's a rowdy, rowdy place. Dude, it's fun. The last stream is fuck. Go ahead. I said last week, you know, they're always making comments on the show, like 90% of the time, but last week they got in some weird argument with was David Clegg on there. I think he wanted a stream. Yeah, except it wasn't David Clegg, but I don't know, somebody can, somebody can tell you.

But yeah, they took about, they took about 15 minutes of just going back and forth and not listening to the show at all. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I want to get an update on Clegg from Dustin. Maybe I don't know. I think they, yeah, where is Dustin?. I want to get an update on Clegg from Dustin. Maybe. I don't know.

I think they, yeah, we're just Dustin. So here's a very moving on. I, yeah, this week was a very, very sad week for me. Okay. Maybe one of the saddest, maybe one of the saddest things I've experienced in recent memory started. You ran out of wild turkey. Sean, I would never happen. I'm stacked up like WC. I'm I'm so stacked up on booze. You're gonna say WC field. Yes.

I'm so stacked up on booze that if they made prohibition again, I might not ever notice. No. Like I've got so my liquor shelf is run so deep. I'm like, uh, like 15 years. What's a football team that's got like five quarterbacks? I don't know. I don't think you can carry five quarterbacks. No, you can, but that's what I got. I've got salt. My, my utility shelf runs so deep of liquor that I can stay in a store bought liquor. I'm not even counting Uncle Buck's, uh, rye, moonshine. But Uncle Bucks fan sent me a home, the last homemade bottle of his Rye moonshine before

his wife discovered his secret still. Wait, no, but that was, that was the brown stuff, right? Yeah. And the other, oh, no, that was good. But I mean, he, oh, yeah, that would, if it's, if it's brown, it's been aged, right? Cause moonshine is clear right out of the still. Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah. But it's like, no, he's kind of the still. Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah.

But it's like, no, he's kind of right. Yeah. No, I know who that is. Really cool guy. No, I mean, I talked to that guy pretty regularly. You do? Yeah. Well, because we've done like,

what does he do? What do you do? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like, was about communism. Yeah, and trial here. I don't know if you can tell that. Audio stuff. Yeah. Stuff I've working on for him and like, you know, we're trying to figure some stuff out. Well, what's his thing? Give it a plug. What his thing? Yeah, what's the name of his thing?

No, we played one of the tunes. Oh, the Cuck Sockers. Yeah. Cuck Sockers. Okay, yeah. It's Nick. That's Nick. Yeah, but he, yeah, exactly.

The, the, the Rye making. No, it's like the home boot leg making machine. You guys said it was really good It smelled really good. It was fucking good. It was like he's a cramped throat by a mule Was it really like light? Yeah, it was like brown lightning. No, it will it will sing your nose Hey, it is not for pussies. It'll put it'll put hair on the chest of the dog that bitch. Yeah, this is the It'll put hair on the chest of the dog that bitcha. Yeah, this is the step up of the rock climbing wall that just looks terrifying. Like it goes upside down and there's an alligator

at crocodile at the bottom waiting to tear you up like the, and like molarom at the end of any of the Jones two. Anyway, that's how deep my liquor cat and it goes. This week, I post the episode like normal on Dic.show. And every time I do that, I also send all the Patreons a video, because we record the show on video, and I have a guy edit it, and I send it out to all the Patreonies.

Right. And some people really like, I do some clips and put them on YouTube as well, but I send the whole, yeah, I should probably go to that page once in as well, but I send the whole, yeah. I should probably go to that page once in a while. There's a lot of stuff to take in, and all the properties of the Dictup. I send the edited video to the Patreonis,

and that's when I take my break, is I'm like, okay, like there's a lot of work and build up and it's like, job's done. Now I just want to clear my mind and kind of soak in what happened at the episode who was late, who fucked things up. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. So that's when the, you know, that's when the Ager clock starts over.

Like that's when it says like, okay, motherfucker, you got five days until you got to do it again. And I say, great, I'm just going to sit there. The what clock? The Ager clock and Pacific Rim, those monsters would come through out of the ocean on regular intervals and everybody would look at that clock and shit their heads out because they're like, that's they're going to come through again.

And that's like me, I look and I was like, oh shit, okay, I got to come through. Okay. So then I start getting emails. Frantic emails. Frantic emails with attachments. And I start getting emails. Frantic emails. Frantic emails with attachments. And I start getting texts from people I know making fun of something I did.

Oh my God, what did I do? What did I post this episode? What did I do with the Patreon thing that people are suddenly sending me links to Patreon? Like I fucked something up. They think it's funny. Yeah, and I look at the screenshot that somebody sent me of the email

that I supposedly sent out through Patreon. And it says, dick show, video, it's like it always is, the video, the update for the Patreons in where it's supposed to have a description of the episode. It says, busty Haley hanging out in her comfy PJs. And I think, oh no. You pasted a porn title. I pasted a porn.

Did I fucking paste a porn title and send this out to 3,000 people? It does sound relaxing though. If that's what you said, I mean, she's hanging out in her PJs. Well, that's what first of all, I'm like, now everybody, it's embarrassing for people to think that I'm like low-key, hysteriose masturbating. I'm updating the Patreon and also that this is what I'm getting down to. That was my friend.

Relaxing, busty lady, a 450 year old man pornography. Like if I went through my dad's search history, that's I'd be like, ah, you son of a bitch. I see what you're doing here, Busty Haley and her PJ. Oh my God, are those flannel? I don't wanna be known as the guy

who's looking at Busty Haley and her fucking PJs. I want the opposite. So I'm- But she be no PJs. And they're not comfy. No. That's the last thing I want. I want those PJs.

It's uncomfortable. It's comfortable so she rips the bus right out of those PJs. It's the most comfortable possible. So she rips the bus right out of those fucking things. So I frantically search for this, this tech string, Busty Haley and her PJs. I'm like, wait, like I have to, I have to prove my innocence here. I'm typing in Busty Haley and I can't find shit. It doesn't exist on the internet, right?

So I'm in full, I'm in full on panic. I'm going through my search history because now people are piling on like, oh, dick, we caught you looking at fucking pornography. And of course, there's understanding because it's dickheads and we all know, like they're like, oh, well, what are you looking at? Send it over. I'm like, no, this is the worst case scenario because now you're, you're like, pre-forgiving me, but I didn't do this. Like I didn't fuck up. I know you need to be forgiven.

I didn't use one of my fuck-ups. Everybody gets like three big fuck-ups. I didn't use one of my fuck-ups on Busti Haley in her PJs, but what's the alternative? The Russians hacked Patreon and are specifically sending Busti Haley with no link, like with no, the only explanation is that I was sitting there a stereo masterbating and paced that it,

you can't find it anywhere. Somebody on covers it, it's Haley Cummings. And I'm like, perfect. Like she's got some formula on her website where it's generated Busti Haley and then some stupid outfit that she's wearing, but it's random so you can never find that again. A dickhead crap.

We got a top artist on it working to crack the code that it's Haley Cummings. And I said, boom, a bunch of touring's. Boom. I don't, Haley Cummings is not my girl. Yeah. I'm showing 80s girl this whole time because I'm like, hey, baby, I don't want you to hear, I don't want you to know that I'm innocent in this. I just want you to know that this might come up,

people are making fun of me, and you might read this on the internet, and I'm not looking, I wasn't looking at any, hey, I'm looking at some, and I show her the thread where I said, look guys, I would do this, but I didn't do it, because Haley Cummings is not my girl. I would have been looking at Lucy Wilde, a different porn star, a different, like this should more than exonerate me, right?

Like I'm coming clean about what, this is what I would be doing. So I show 80s girl is this and she's like, who the fuck is Lucy Wilde? No, no, no, you're missing the point here. You're the point is that I'm innocent. I didn't fuck this up. So I pop off an email to Patreon saying, look guys, what the hell happened here? First you're thinking, first you're sending out

Christmas messages, which are offensive. Nobody wants to see that shit. Now you're sending out, now you're pretending that I'm, now you're set framing me as fucking up my porn because listen, listen, I invented porn savers. Yeah, I know every in and out of the dangers of pornography. When I'm, if, if I am ever, When I'm, if I am ever, I'll tell you how paranoid I am about accidentally pasting shit anywhere. Every single time, like, compulsively, I will highlight things and Apple X, which is cut. Yeah. Different than paste, because when it's cut, you can see that it was removed. Yes.

So, you know, 100%. So, I fucking know. I have a tremendous amount, I have a tremendous amount of pride in my sanitization of my pornography. That's what I'm saying. And I didn't send out a Haley Cummings blast. Everybody, no one believes that.

No one thinks Patreon that it. Sure enough, Patreon sends out a little tweet that they don't tell anybody. No. They send out a little tweet. Our emails are paused because of a nasty email bug you're having. You want to keep this? What? You can't just under wraps.

They can't. On the wraps, you sent this out to fucking 100,000 people. I don't even mean under wraps. So I'm like, oh, okay, crisis averted. Crisis averted. I go back into the thread and see the, oh, thank God, I'm addicted and do it. It didn't do it.

He's not looking at comfy PJs, busty women and comfy PJs, right? The fan art that has already begun, but people are okay. Everyone gets it. Everyone understands what it's called. Well, finish it. Well, then I go in that thread

and this one gentleman says, hey Dick, I don't know if you know this, Lucy Wild retired and I said, what do you mean? She was, you gotta be kidding me. So I follow up on this research, sure enough, retired. And I felt that, I felt this horrible pit of emptiness

in a beautiful, a porn, a beautiful talent, a porn star taken, it's like richy, it's like richy balance, crashing and the big bopper. It's a thing. Fuck the big bopper. And barely 18, you like the big bopper. He had a novelty hit. What was his hit?

Oh, what, Richie Valens was like a great creator with LaBamba? No, he had like, come on, let's go. And that guy had so much potential. He was 17, 17 years old. That's exactly how I felt about Lucy. Buddy, was a huge loss. Big bomber was, he had like, Shantilly lace.

He had some novelty hit like, fucking chubby checker. Yeah. Get the fuck out of there. Unlike Richie Valens and Lucy Wilde who were great had tremendous potential. Valens could have struck down, struck down in their prime. Yeah. Yeah. That's what makes me rage this week. But retiring. I was innocent. Retiring porn stars. All right. Well, I don't know if we can go on with the show after that. No, I feel like a little summer. I was devastated. I just want a moment of silence.

Well, let's see, I'll tell you what else makes me a rage. Okay. I was, I have been having massive, just unfixable problems with my car. My car, my beautiful car with the Persian racing rims that I love and I cherish so has finally graduated or finally been demoted from beautiful luxury car to an under buggy.

Do you know what an under buggy is? An under buggy. An under buggy. An underbuggy? An underbuggy. It's like an old timey word for when it wasn't like the first buggy. It's like being like second fiddle. It's a car that you drive around like a bumper car, basically.

Oh, so it's like a jolopy. It's like a side chick. Like a car that you don't care about anymore. It's totally unfixable. And it is that an unsalvageable fall toward the garbage. Okay, yeah. Because I've had an oil leak. It's gone super critical.

Well, I'm driving down the freeway and I hear this like, I'm driving down the free with my car that I've had tremendous amounts of problems with. In an oil leak, they can't find. An oil leak that they can't identify the source of. Like no, top people can't find the fucking source of this leak and they all just shrug their, throw their hands up better, right? I don't know, it's going somewhere.

So they fixed it. I'm driving down the freeway. Whether they fixed something they couldn't find. They said they fixed it. I had to go all the way from regular mechanics, all the way up to the dealership and they had to bring in like science. Science that costs and ungodence, we finally identified dealership and they had to bring in like science. Oh God.

Science that cost an ungodly, we finally identified the leak and we fixed it. Here you go. I'm driving on the freeway and I hear this tap, tap, tap, tap under the car. Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, you know that sound? That sound like you left it.

When you run over a homeless person, that sound like something is kind of hanging off the bottom of your car. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Soilt, tilt, tilt, tilt. So 80s girl says like, oh, should you, should you pull over? Like what's, you got something wrong with your car? Should you shouldn't you like pull on? I was like, baby.

Absolutely. Absolutely not. It's just a, it's just a little tad just a little something loose immediately. Tears smash like thunder under the car. The whole, the whole goddamn splash guard on the engine, tears off. You know that entire thing tears off and now I'm dragging a sheet of plastic

like the one that you sit on at the office. So you don't fuck up the precious office floor. Did you go over something like? Did you go over something like? Dude, I'll tell you what it is. It's because I took it to the mechanic, and this silly bastard is dancing around like a gun slinger, unscrewing with that pneumatic piss.

This guy thinks that his pneumatic pistol is a toy. The pneumatic drill that he's pulling on and off shit with, is like, check this out. Zip, zip, zip, zip, zipping it around and sticking it in his holster, like's impressing somebody like he's playing cops and robbers to show me where this leak is to show me what a great job he did. Meanwhile, when I pick up the car, it won't stop beeping. It's so I'm in, I'm on the freeway with a ripped off undercarriage of my car calling the mechanic to scream at him because it's

the day after New Year's and nobody is open. Well, because they observe it on that Monday. Yeah. Saying, dude, look, your guy, I fucking know that your guy forgot to screw in the, the splash guard. I fucking know it because I was sitting there seeing, watching him, being a silly-ass, bouncing around like he's like, like he's, like he's playing whack-a-mole with these screws, like, you know that game

would you make with yourself? Is he like, oh, how fast could I do this? Zip, zip, zip, zip, like being a little smart ass is he doing on my fucking know. I'm looking at him, like, I fucking know that you're screwing around, but if I say anything right now I seem like a dick, but I know what you're doing is fucked. Yeah, you don't wanna tell him how to do his job.

So he had this thing fixed, it was attached and then he unscrewed it to show you what he fixed. And then he screwed it back on. So it's totally unnecessary. So he's like unscrewed at the second time. Totally unnecessary. And totally unnecessary to do it like a silly asshole. So I'm explaining this.

He gets chicks that way. I'm actually at the, you're So I'm, I'm explaining this. It gets chicks though. I'm, you're probably fucking right. I'm explaining this to the repair guy that I call in, the manager that I got connected to. And he's like, well, you know, it is old, maybe it popped off. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, listen to me, listen to me. When I got that fucking car back,

when I turned it on, it would not stop beeping because you guys fucked up the tire sensor. You know those stupid run flat sensors that have never worked for anybody. They've never saved, they've never saved anybody's tires. They've never given anybody, like I could see when my tires flat, I'm looking at it as fucking flat.

So you don't need a sensor. A lot of them just show the flat tire a little icon. They're supposed to do that. Yeah. But if you fuck it up too much, like if it thinks you don't have any tires on, it will just beep. And then you got to reset it or say, like, yeah, everything's a computer now that they've got.

So they have to plug it in and reset it somehow. They've done it before because those stupid run flat things never work. So I'm telling the guy, no, I know, I know that everybody there is half-assing this and fucking it up because when I got in the car, it just be, be, be, be, like it's unmissable beeping. It's not supposed to be fucking happening when you're in the car. Is this a the dealer? Yes. And then all the way up to the dealer. I had to. That's like you never want to get to the dealer. Yes. And then all the way up to the dealer. I had to. That's like you never want to get to the dealer.

I had to because I'm surrounded by Mexican repair shops. But when I, the last time I took it to them, the guy's like, he puts it up in the living. He's like, no, there's no leak. I'm like, well, then I don't know, man. What would you think I'm fucking imagining it? Like you think I'm going out at night and just in like a fight club trance

and just pouring motor oil all over the driveway and then waking up the next morning and saying, oh, wow, somebody, my car's leaking and someone killed the cat. Is that what do you think that I'm fucking doing that? Try it again. Do I see somebody killed a crazy person? No, but that's what I would do. That's what people go into trances and they like murder, yeah, murder cats, turn the logs inside out. And he's like, okay, we'll bring it in, we'll look over again, he's like, well, we're gonna have to take the whole engine apart.

And I'm like, yeah, that's gonna fix the leak. So I'm just randomly taking shit apart and putting it back together. That's how I ended up with the deal, so I'm telling this guy, you gave me the car and every single fucking person, I'm telling him, this is how I know you guys fucked it up and didn't put it back together properly.

Because every single person who got in my car and turned it on, heard the beeping and thought, ah, fuck it. Every single one, every single one got in there, turned it on, heard, bap, bap, bap, bap, like the world is ending because the car wants you to know it's got no fucking wheels.

And thought, eh, not our problem. This is fine. We did, this is, this is including, including, we fixed the oil, including fucking shame with the pneumatic gunslinger who brought the car down off the lift and got in the car to back it off the fucking lift. He put the key in there, b, b,b-b-b, but it's like,

motherfucker, what are you, what are you, I mean, and this is literally what I'm screaming at this guy, and he's like, okay, okay, okay. Okay, take it to, take it to wherever you can find, and we'll pay for it, and then bring it in, and we'll put a new, we'll put the shield back on. Okay. I'm like, the shield back on.

It looks like I just ran it through a fucking trash compact and like a tire squishing machine. It's not going back. I just dragged it 10 miles down the freeway. Yeah. Is that, think, stop fucking with me. So he's like, okay, we'll get you nowhere to go. So I go to the, the only place I could find,

and this silly bastard is, this silly guy's looking like, oh, what'd you hit? Yeah, just, just fucking, just, just, please,? Just, just fucking, just, just please just fix it. Please, please just make it tryable. That's all I want you to do. I don't want any commentary. Just stop that. You don't know the backstory.

And I know, I know that these guys are open on a day when they don't have to be. And I understand that they want to take my, that they want to take my pride from me in the form of jokes and give it to themselves. Like I understand that exchange. I'm a little tasteier on medicine, huh? I understand it.

I'm like, I see what you're doing. I support it. Just get over quickly. I would like to pay for this in money, but if I have to pay for it in humiliation, I don't have a fucking choice. So give me the jokes. Thank you.

I'll take them. I'll just take them, and then you're gonna be a nice guy and let me walk away with this. So they get under there. They tear off the destroyed undercarriage. And he goes, well, I don't have the screws for this because clearly all, so I'm just gonna have to take it. Because they're like OEM screws.

So I'm specifically for this car. I'm just gonna have to zip tie it Because they're like OEM screws. Yeah, so I'm specifically for this car. I'm just gonna have to zip tie it. And oh my God, that sounds fucking great. Zip ties the bottom. I get back in the car. That beeping drives me so fucking crazy. I tear open the console and pull out the entire, like the entire connector for every fucking sensor in the car.

And I swear to God, I sat there with the biggest sigh of relief, even though I'm now driving a legitimate underbuggy that's been destroyed in a rain accident that was caused by rain, that was caused by rain and has, and had to get the frame re-bent, has new Persian racing, Persian Fast and Furious 7 racing rims, has zip ties holding it, literally holding holding it together And now has the entire inside Out I looked at the tash and there's for the first time in my fucking life. I see No warning lights. Uh never never have I had a car that has no warning lights and I just

sat there and stared at it like I was in church, like I was seeing God for the first time, the sense of relief that washed over me. Like, well, this is, this is it. I've got an under buggy now, but I don't fucking care because the feeling, the feeling, I know there's problems with it. I just don't want to see the lights anymore. That's, that's all. That's what's making me a racist week. All right, I'm gonna... But I had a happy ending. Did it?

Did it have a happy ending? Or did I just want this all into the future when six zip ties fail for completely predictable reasons? Like they're not meant to hold a card together. Well, whatever gives you more content. Oh God. I got some voicemails for you, Sean. I need to take a breather. I'm gonna play these voicemails.

So pissed off. I'm so fucking, it is the fact that they all sit there and just say, eh, eh, it's fine. Yeah. It's like, well, where's the, where's the limit of that? Like, what is the, in your mind, where would you say, oh, maybe this is a problem and I should, it doesn't matter. It doesn't fucking matter.

I fixed it. I fixed it by tearing it apart. Well, good. Well, it's like, at sometimes you just have to make the problem bigger to get it fixed, you know? You know, I think that is true actually, because then they'll stumble upon the original problem by replacing something huge that the rain caused. Yeah.

Yeah. Very sunny. Very sunny. It's like you got a pothole. Like, oh, okay. Well, how about I just draw swastika on it. Now, will you guys fix it? Now, do you have an incentive to fix it?

What do you know? Fixed. Yeah. A draw giant cock on it. The p guys fix it now do you have an incentive to fix it that what do you know fixed a draw giant cock on it the pop holes magically fix that was what it took you just have to figure out what it takes you know or how much you want yeah it has to offend people to a certain level yeah all right more than just you here's a voicemail for you hey Sean it's like test I am just calling to see what you're up to. I don't know if you've got them or whatever But Maccooks has been trying to get a hold of you No, I'm leaving him a message Back in the closet

Sorry about that He's been missing having you around though Sorry about that. He's been missing having you around though. Maybe you should give him a call and let him know how you're doing. It would really raise the spirits, I think, and maybe some other things too. Or he could call me, I've always got time

for the younger and beefier, Ellen, thick. Ciao, Sean. Beefier? Like beefier than Alan Th thick. Ciao, Sean. Beefier? Like beefier than Ellen, thick? Well, he's dead, so yeah. Well, probably. I would imagine he's losing weight. Uh, madcooks, he's another one.

Sean. Yes. Flag test again. Look, I don't know what the issue is. I'm just gonna just walk back. But madcooks has been calling you and calling you and you have it picked up. I don't know what the deal is,

but I've got a real busy day of reaction videos ahead. And I just don't have time to keep bringing him this pity soup. How hard is it? The number's right there in your phone. Bye. I'll play one more. Wait, wait, wait. I'm drawing a blank. Who's, I think, Jordan Blight, who's,

Mad Cux, his girlfriend that's leaving you voicemails this time. Let me see. Okay. Does that make more sense to you? Do you recognize that voice now? Uh, yeah. I just tell him that I'm from a sorry for my messages are loose.

So, Mad Cux wants me to tell you that he's real sorry about the messages that he left earlier. And he understands if you're mad, or whatever. You're calling me that big too. It would be really great if you could call him back. Like today, maybe. You know, what is that footstep? Just like a haunted house.

Since the last time Madcooks told me how much better small boobs are than big boobs. And it concerns me because like, now I have to worry about if he changed his mind. What if he likes big boobs now? What am I gonna do, Sean? No serious model has breast implants. I mean, what do you think? Do you like small boobs? Well, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop being such a tease and just call me back.

I don't know, I got two more. I don't know if there's madcucks in them now. I don't know. He seems pretty down. He does streams. He does live streams. So this is that people play video games and then they talk over them.

I know. Madcucks. I've heard of such things. He does a live stream where. So like a Twitch stream. So how people do it? I think so. Yeah. Oh, you know, I think that's just what he does it on YouTube. He doesn't do it on Twitch. He should, I don't know. I think I don't think it's the same. Um, he played Grand Theft bicycle for two hours last night. So he just goes out. Wait, there is such a game. No, he goes.

He plays Grant F. Dotto, San Andres, where you're the black guy. So it's like a California. It's, it's like specifically Inglewood in Compton. It is. And he San Andres, because that's a, for those of you who don't know, that's a major fault line in California. Yeah. So he, he only rides bicycles, though. Like he goes around being progressive and giving his social commentary on the game, but only rides bicycles the whole day. And like every once in a while, he'll start to play the game and I just think,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just go back to riding, he'll like ride the bicycle and circles and then go try to talk to his friends, like, oh, hello, homies. Like he walks over and tries to talk to them about, I don't know, socially, it's funny. Two hours, the guy does it, it's incredible.

I've got some, let me see if Water Boy's here. So Water Boy's got a new album that he just dropped. Hey, Water Boy, are you there? I am here. Look, you dropped a new album, and on it you have a an extended version of the dick theme is that right? Yes it works for months and months and months is this your first album because if I remember correctly you're a young guy? I think 2009

so it's just kind of something I did as a hobby. Do you have a bird? Do you have a bird? Yeah last time Sean was complaining about it saying, oh god, how am I going to mix this? No, I don't care. What kind of bird do you have? I obviously don't care. Have you heard the show? A million fucking birds in it. Are you looking to move away from this place?

Those wait a minute, wait a minute. It seems small. You got like a cool parrot that swears or anything? We got a parrot, oh, we got a, no, I don't have a pair that swears. We have cockatiels that sing all day long. Yeah. Okay. Fucking, I have a white front and Amazon that's a douchebag.

They're all terrible. I want to move away. How many birds do you live with? Uh, fucking, I think 10's a good number. Holy shit. Are they like yeah? Are they free range? Did I just all day? No, no, no, we got they're in the cage. Oh, they don't have run of the house none of them because those cockatiels are kind of cool. I mean like they'll it's they're really good for them. Gotcha. Do they make noise all day? Yes, Jesus Christ. That is that would be fucking maddening.

So you're there trying to make your sick beads and you've got 10 cockatiels just chirping up a storm behind you. That is not something I have to worry about, though, because I got some really nice headphones. Yeah, all right. So I'm gigantic fucking cans. What do you mean you want to get out of there? Is this, is that your folks place? Who's the bird lover?

This is a big family house. So I've got my family. The mom is always the one here. Wait a minute, how many families do you have there? My mom's like the family and then my uncle's family. And who's the, who's bringing the birds in? Like, your mom is the one subject. This is like a low key way to get everyone the fuck out of your mom's house. Keep adding birds. No, I don't think so, but this is cause a lot of drama. I can fucking imagine.

Can you imagine if you're washing the towels? Your wife brings home like, you're like, hey, I got another, I got just a shit load of birds that hang around the house all day. Like, bitch, take those back to the bird store. Yeah, can't you bring home a shit load of birds that hang around the house all day. Like, bitch, take those back to the bird store. Yeah, can't you bring home a shitload of lizards or something? What do you know, hey, mom, I accidentally opened the door to my house and let all your fucking birds fly away today because it's the most annoying pet on earth.

It does not cuddle you. It does not seek affection. In fact, they fucking hate you. A bird will sit there and think about your demise all fucking day. That's why they're in the cage. The seek affection from you and then they'll realize, wait a second, you're not a fucking bird. And then they'll just lose their mind. I woke up one time to a bird biting my forehead. It was a true. I fell asleep on a couch. Somebody's a, who's couch? Synical parrot came down. I was snoozing and I woke up and it was biting me between

the eyes. Yeah, it drew blood. It came down from its cage. Yeah, it came out. I was probably snoring. I was always biting you and your sleep. It bit me. It woke me up. It started eating your face. It thought you were dead. It, no, bit me. It probably didn't like the noise I was making. The bird always had it out for me, but yeah, no, true story. Yeah, I bird is is. Somebody I use somebody. Yeah, somebody. Somebody used to know. Yeah, somebody I used to know. I'll tell you guys, I'm there.

I never thought I'd see the day that I punch a parrot out of the air. Yeah, there's a parrot that was just hanging off of my ear and it was all impulse. So it's just like, what the fuck? Boom, just bunch it out of the air. So there are parrots in the house. Yes. So what's your mom?

What's going on with your mom? Why does she have so many birds? Cause I don't know any bird people. I don't have access to this mindset. They're a unique breed. It's just, I think it's a psychological thing that I don't want to get into. But can you give me a hint? Like, I want to know for my personal reasons, what goes into like bird junkies. So think like I get cat ladies,

but I don't get bird people. If you get cat ladies, love a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a love of a Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, but do bird ladies get like all bird themed gifts, every Christmas and birthday, where people just unload birds shit onto them, like it's their entire personality, like cat people do? No, I don't think so. Like it's not the birds are not her entire personality. And she's pretty important.

That's different than cat people. But as cat people, it becomes their whole personality. For sure. Yeah. So maybe it's toned down, but it's, she's also given a bird as a pet before. Oh boy. That's ridiculous. They're no longer friends. That's difference in cat people too. Yeah. A cat person would never give a cat out as a friend because they hold them all to themselves. That'd be birthday. Here's a cat. Here's a fucking bird. You know what? I don't like pets. I don't like any pet that just shits wherever it is.

Wherever it happens to be. Like they don't hold it. They could be on your shoulder. They'll just shit. They have to shit. They shit. That's a fucking bird, right? What did the person say who got the bird as the present from your mom?

Well, it was my little cousin, so he was like, oh, this is nice, the bird immediately bit him. What did the parents of cousins, if, they end up taking care of it? If I got, does a kid doesn't like the bird? If I got my nephew, like I got my nephew a drum for his third birthday. What a fucking asshole you are.

Just as a fucking, of course. I'm like, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I wish man's gonna love it. I know asshole you are. Just as a fucking. Of course. I'm like, I know you're, I know a little, I know a little Irishman's gonna love it. I know a parent's gonna fucking hate it. Because it's not only the volume and the lacquerity at which he plays it, it's also the complete lack of skill and time. There's one worse instrument gift than a drum.

Ooh, what? And it's a violin. Oh, I know that. You have to fucking learn it. Somebody learn the violin. You have I almost fucking got him. Somebody learn with a violin. You have to give them their own house. There is no fucking way to quiet it down and it is God awful to listen to.

I shit you not. I was this close to getting him a, if I had not been sick for Christmas, I would have, I would have got that motherfucker a violin. And not an electric violin. I have an electric violin and they're sweet because they're quiet. It's just like a prep for them. You still hear him but I was gonna get like a electric violin. I have an electric violin and they're sweet because they're quiet. It's just like a prep for them. You still hear them, but they don't resonate like a traditional violin.

I would have got them a fucking resonating and expensive so my sister couldn't throw it away. So they would also had to take care of it because he said he said that for some reason he says he likes the violin. This is what the fucking Patreonie money is going towards. No, this is fucking gaggim. You'll spend like, you know, like a couple of, Sean, a couple thousand dollars on a music for a child. Has a lot of, it has a, it makes their brain more better.

It improves like learning and shit. I'm pretty sure that's what it's all about. Okay, a lot of musician I will tell you, that is a fucking lie. I am. Because I am stupid. I do music just because I'm bored. It's like, oh, it's there.

I got headphones, I can fool around. That's exactly what this album was. Yeah, it keeps you occupied. Okay, so let's get you out. Look at him trying to turn the conversation back to his record. Let's get you out of this bird house that you live in. What's your album name?

It's my body, the space station. It's on Dankel. What does that mean? My body, the space, like, come park your space hog in my body. Is it like erotic space music? Of people can get down to, like space porn on music. My body, it's like my body is a wonderland, but it's also a space station.

Get it bring up your space, kiddie ladies. Yeah, I got a black hole. Give me that, bring that black hole over here. Back that thing. I that's too much, isn't it? That's gross. Yeah. All right. Let me, I'm gonna play space. It's hard to tell what the line is. It's interpretive. Okay. I'm an interpretive. It's art. I'm gonna play a track It's interpretive. Okay. I'm an interpretive. It's aren't. I'm going to play a track from it. Yeah. Okay.

Just so and what is say the say the the band camp thing again. So I don't step all over it. It's a water boy dot pan camp dot com or you can go to my website waterboy.com. Spell your name. Yeah. Is your name spelled in a fucked up way? Yes. Of course.

Yes. You did. I'm saying. God damn it. How do you spell your name? W A U T E R B O I. I've had this since the first grade. Yeah. Okay. Well, no, yeah, I mean, it's true that music doesn't make you smart. All right. You know, I've had my name since you were born. No, 10th grade. What? Take my asses and the two one express came up with it. He was so good expressed came up with it. He was so good at naming things. Unrivaled. I know. Unrivaled. And now he's like a financial sales, financial product sales.

What a waste. What a waste. He could be sitting around coming up with silly nicknames for people all day, but he's just selling scams. What's that? What are we? We're seeing go. Where did that come from? I came up with that one on my own Okay, here's I'm gonna play a song from your my body is a space station. What's that? Body the space the my body the space station. Excuse me for water boy. Here you go. It's called dead in Tokyo No Wow, I wanna just sit and think about my life to this kind of music, Sean, and think about the good times, think about the bad times, think about the really the times

that pissed me off. Like when I say excuse me to somebody and they don't hear it. And I say, I say excuse me and they just keep walking and I feel like my dick has shriveled into my body. I feel like I don't exist. When I say, when I say excuse me to somebody and they don't respond to it like a waitress or even a man, even just a guy walking around like excuse me, I want to I want to get in here and buy a drink. Just an excuse me that gets rebuffed. I feel like going straight back to bed. There is nothing that can save it. No, because nothing is proved that you exist.

No, it's not an- and I gotta do all this math in my head. Did this fucking guy hear me? Did this person hear me and they're just busy? And if I raise my voice a little bit, am I gonna get a, I heard you the first time, but I'm doing, or am I gonna, am I gonna put too much sass on it? If I say, excuse me again, and then everybody in the restaurant at the bar is gonna turn and look at me,

like I've got something, like I've got a swastika carved into my forehead, like I'm some kind of huge fucking asshole. They're like, what are you shouting, excuse me for at this poor waitress, obviously doing, or is it just, or am I, or am I just, am I a timid man? Did I just not say it with enough gravitas? They not say excuse me at the appropriate volume with enough force to get did I like Did I Obama this first pitch where I came out and I threw it like a little girl? Because I've never thrown a baseball in my life before and I was too fucking stupid to ask one person if I threw like a girl before throwing out the pitch at a major league

fucking baseball game like is that not something I want to run by somebody like hey kids Hey kids if you're the president of the United States you got to run everything by your kids Obamacit is said hey Malia and the other one Can I throw Sasha Sasha can I throw a baseball because I have to go throw out a baseball at this base at a major league Fucking baseball game after winning the president of the United States And if I look like an idiot at everybody in the world is gonna know that I throw like a fucking girl Can you guys just and I can't trust anybody else? Yeah, cuz they're all ass kissers at this level like I could go out

I could go out and throw with my left hand. I don't think Obama's like I could throw my left hand and they would say They're gonna say great job. Harry Reid's gonna come up, Mr. Obama, that's the strongest. You might as well be Roger Clemens, who's a black pitcher? Roger Clemens is not a black pitcher. Who's the guy that got on acid and pitched up? Back in the six, he's a really sick guy. I think you pitch for the pirates.

I can't really understand. I'm talking about it. He's gonna say, Mr. Obama, you are a better pitcher than that guy that got on acid for the pirates and pitched a no-hitter. And you're gonna say, well, I have no idea if you mean that or not. So you gotta say, kids, do I throw like a girl and they're gonna say, Dad, you're not that's the worst fucking pitch I've ever seen in my life. You can't go pitch.

You can't throw out the first pitch of a baseball game like that Did you see I think it was 50 cent? I'm used to You threw out a first pitch at a baseball game. Have you seen it? No, I haven't seen it. It's spectacular I'm almost sure that's how I feel When I say excuse me and they don't hear the excuse me. Yeah. I feel like my balls have been chopped. Maybe I never even had balls. Maybe this whole time I've been going around thinking that I have balls,

but it's just an empty sack between my or it's nothing. I'm hallucinating them the whole time. I'm hallucinating. Why didn't this person? And then I start and I'm with a girl. I'm like, oh god, I swear. Like I'm more embarrassed at someone not hearing and excuse me than I am at not being able to get an erection.

So I'm like, uh, the erection, this half your fault, the excuse me, she had nothing to do with that. I'm just, it's probably 60% her fault. To be honest, maybe more like 80. I mean, I get erections all the time. My equipment is good, the only difference, I'm the common denominator in the good erection having game, what else has changed? What's changed, that's all I'm saying, denominator in the good direction having game. What else has changed?

What's changed? That's all I'm saying, but the excuse me. That's not her fault I'm sitting there sweating man like I'm trying to like I'm shoplifting for the first time wondering how do I salvage this? Excuse me that they didn't hear and there's just no possible way to salvage it That's what I'm saying. All right waterway. Don't make it worse So that was really great. You talked over the entire song. Waterway, I hate your music and how it makes me feel. But if anybody wants to download your album, go to go to Waterboy spelled in a fucked way. Sorry, Waterboy, he just, he fucked you so bad.

That man camp.com. All right, buddy, do you have something that makes you a rage? So I can put you on the board, always forget to ask, but you got something for us. Talking over a debut music trend. I can put you on the board. I always forget to ask, but you got some for us. Talking over a debut. I kind of, for how many rage? It's something that I think that you'd be able to riff on for long. All right.

It's something that really bothers me. It happens this week. Basically, I'm just, from the last show, we, you guys were talking about non-apologies, and I completely hold on to that as like a really big fucking thing that makes me angry. Yeah. Because what I'm talking about specifically is when someone says, I'm sorry you feel that

way. Yeah. It's your fault. It's because it's, for me, it's like they want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to say, I'm sorry so that they feel like they make you feel better, but also they don't want to admit that they did anything wrong. Yeah, it's still the other person's fault. I think they want to tell you that they still think you're wrong,

but they know if they say it like that, you might strangle them. So they say, I would respect them if they just said, no, I disagree. Yeah, I don't agree. I'm not sorry for what I did and I don't fucking agree. Yeah, because when they say, I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't fucking agree. Yeah, because when they try to, when they say,

I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't know what the response is other than fuck you. It's like, like if you give somebody a bird as a present, they're like, I really hate that you did this to me, that you introduced this into my life and say, well, I'm sorry you feel that way. It's like a big fuck you. I'll tell you what, if somebody gifts you a bird,

you should gift yourself a cat to take care of the problem. It's even worse. It'll take care of the bird problem. Oh, man. Then you just let you let the cat out. Didn't say you had to do anything specific with the bird. You can use it for whatever you want. Target practice. I think you're right. I don't know why, I don't know why people get away with that. I'm sorry, you feel that way. Well, I don't let them get away with it. Good, good. It's always, principles are more important than relationships.

Good, good for you. All right, thanks for calling in, Waterboy. All right, I'll see you. See ya. How about this new system? I think it's pretty good. That was flawless. Yeah, it's, that was absolutely flawless.

It's smooth. I'm gonna go through afterwards and make templates and I'll do all that on the shit. I got, I've got some, I gotta drop some goss about Maddox cause he was behaving poorly this week. And as I said to everybody, that's what when he does that, I drop goss.

But I wanna get, let me see if this person is on the line. Okay, so you remember how Asterios seduced this beautiful 20 year old on New Year's Eve? Yeah, you remember that? Apparently, she's a listener of this show and wants to call in and give her side of the story. Like that was just, she just coincidentally happened to be a listener.

Well, that's what I was, I mean, that's what I got, that's what I got. Huh. This is what I'm told. I don't know everything. Or did he say like, oh, I'm on this show and she checked out like last week's. He was probably bragging. You're right. You're right.

You know, you got a, here she is. Ma'am, are you there? Ma'am, are you there? Excuse me. You want a horrible thing to say. Hi. Yeah. Is this dick? Yeah. This is dick. What is, who is this? Hi. You know what? You can go ahead and call me, uh, kissy face emoji. If you wouldn't mind, thanks. Kissy, that's your name is the kissy face emoji. Like Prince, like how Prince had the man and the woman symbol all messed up. Your name is kissy face emoji. I'm just a symbol, absolutely.

You know what's fucked? You could do that. Like that kissy face emoji has a code, has brackets, and you could go through your whole life like that. Yeah, that's my name now. Kissy face emoji. So do you want to give your side a story with a stereo? So I mean, what's my name, yeah. Kissy face emoji. Wow. So, do you wanna give your side the story with the stereo? So, I mean, what's going on?

You guys seemed very sweet on each other. He was bragging about you feeling his body, feeling a mom. I know, it was so nice. Well, okay, here's the story. So, I lost my phone a couple days ago so I couldn't text a stereo's back, but I do actually have a statement for him because as part of my 12-step program,

I need to make amends for all of the stupid, ignorant shit I do when I'm way too drunk to know anybody. Okay. I would just like, just come drive on down to your studio, but the state took my license away. Do you mind if I just like, read my statement out to you for a second? No, I don't mind, I don't mind.

Obviously, I mean, I let Astero's read a 10 minute plea for somebody to find a 10 minute statement to start somebody to find his ex-wife, a magical upon. What was that? I got a lot of weird emails about that. It was a nice thing you let them do. I hope it works out, but I don't know how it works. He's a genuine guy. I'm not going gonna. He's a very genuine guy. Yeah Yeah, he told me all about his X-5. Oh really? Oh, yeah, okay. I'll explain more. Okay. I'll let you read your statement Okay, thanks Darryl Starels

I was So Good and I'm sorry. I'm not something else. I'm trying to we're laughing at something else. I was so... I'm trying to read this. I know, I know, I know, you try it. It's alright, I forgive you. Dear Astarius, I was so totally drunk on New Year's Eve that the night is mostly a blur, but I do recall a few things heart-shaped emoji.

Hahaha. Good. For instance, you were so funny and clever when we talked at the bar. The things you were saying, it was almost as if you were reading jokes that someone else wrote. Oh, wait a minute. It was very strange. I also remember you rambling on and on about your ex-wife and her horrible rare disease. What a cruel twist of fate!

I sure hope she finds a place to live. Da da da, smiley face. What's to? I want to apologize for kissing you with my thin, herpes and crusted lips. But if you look at it this way, now you have a plucky little sidekick right in your mouth. Da, da, da, da, winky face. Ooh. When we kissed at midnight during that magical moment, I wrapped my hand around the back of your

head, which due to its immense size was no small feat. I touched your hair and it produced the same effect as squeezing a fast food burger. Asterios is like a teaky statue, unlike the body of a man. He's like that guy from TNC surf design. Remember that fucking guy with the head? It's just a torso that comes up into a head and he's got a woolly, woolly facial hair to disguise that his torso does not come in to a neck. It just goes straight up like gumbee. I think that's what you're saying, Miss.

Oh, yes, your body, Astarius, pressed against mine and it was so sensual, it was like being felt up by a human-sized tube of crest. Oh my God. I realized then and there how much you reminded me of my father as he also used too much tongue. Like he did it, but he did not taste like a denny's. It's too bad you didn't ask me to come home with you before my friend got sick because I totally would have. But I guess in hindsight it's for the best. If I'd gotten knocked up, our combined genetics

would have assuredly given us the ability to shovel snow with our baby's face. Well, I hope you will always remember our new year's eve together. As it was certainly a new year's eve, I've already forgotten. Oh, that've already forgotten. Oh, that's too bad.

That's that kissy face emoji. All right, thank you. Thank you, kissy face emoji. Thank you for calling in and giving your side a new story. I'm gonna tell you a guy. We'll talk to you again. Well, I hope we talk to you again. And Stereo's is a nice guy.

You should get back on the sauce. Oh, okay. Nobody likes your quitter. Don't be a quitter. All right, bye. Bye. You know, in an unrelated note, completely unrelated to previous caller,

Peach saliva is now the very top of the rage board. It was a great rage. In one episode, in one episode, Peach has passed everybody. I mean, famous, famous people. We'll share. We'll share. We'll share.

We'll share. We'll share. We'll share. We'll share. We'll share. We'll share. We'll share. We'll share.

We'll share. We'll share. We'll share. We'll share. We'll share. We'll share. We'll share. We'll share. by one woman, by a woman, Sean. Unbelievable, an unbelievable tour de force. Well, as self-partum- Of our comedies. Women are smart and funny.

It's fun and funny, no. Deal with it. I know. Okay. I've got, I've got a bit of God's, I think I'm gonna play. No, no, I'll tell you the bit of God's. So, some happened this week and it was very, it was very, I got real pissed off about it. Something happened between Mad Cux, or Mad Cast Media in Denzel.

I don't want to belabor what it was. If you want the whole story, go to the show, subreddit. I would say go to the Facebook group, but I think it's, I don't know to belabor what it was. If you want the whole story, go to the Dixho subreddit. I would say go to the Facebook group, but I think it's, I don't know what happened to it. It went into hiding. The Facebook Dixho group is like the Legion of Doom. Like it comes up, comes up to interact, and then it disappears into the swampy depth of hatred.

I don't know what happens to it, but people are saying they can't get in. I get asked, that's not about it. You're like, they're locked out. Like I get asked, doesn't it about it? Like they're locked out? Like it doesn't, it's like a secret. You mean like the whole Facebook group? Like you got to work with this particular,

the Facebook group for this show, you have to type in on your computer and then you draw a door on your screen and knock three times. It'll pass where it's like a speakeasy group. It's like Beetlejuice to get into the dick show, Facebook and then you draw a door and you draw a little knob and then you knock on your screen.

Okay. And then you open it up. Um, anyway, if you want the whole story, go to the, go to the subreddit. Um, a representative, we'll call him a host for madcucks, or for, uh, for madcast media. I get the two mixed up all the time now. I can't even say Madix anymore.

I just say Mad Cux. Called Denzel the N word, not as a joke, not in, not in any way to be funny, not even attempting to be funny. Just to be mean. something to be funny. Just to be mean. And it really pissed me off because that's what happens to people who try to get involved in the show.

Maddox and Raka and all the assholes involved with madcast media just try to spoil the good time so that they no longer want to be a part of the show. And that's how the real world works. Like, you threaten and harass people enough, and they don't want to do it anymore. Tim Chang doesn't want to do this show because of that kind of shit, Robin Higgins, who's very funny, doesn't want to be involved in the drama. It's like, well, yeah, I, I understand because when you got little assholes chirping at you at the behest of, of Maddox and supported by, in my opinion, Rucker supports all of it because he has a bigger social reach than Maddox.

And I think the only reason Rucker is on that show is to support that dying show. Like if it was just Maddox, that Matt, that the best debate show or a rather stupid name he's calling it would be overnight because that guy is personality poison. Like Maddox is is interesting in person and on the radio is a fucking foot. He sits in his house playing video games all day with a circle of toads around him, like my gams, Brian Cooper, and all these fucking pricks that are just getting told yes all day. There is nothing interesting that he except that show big, the best debate. And I'll tell you this, when the biggest problem ended, I was, part of me was relieved that it ended before people realized the premise of the show is a normal guy making fun of

someone who has developmental disabilities. Like, that's the biggest debate show. Is Raka, who is a normal guy making fun of Maddox, who has, I think, mental disabilities? Like, I'm not going to say he's retarded, but I think there's, I think tests are made that he would fail and that they would identify what's wrong with him. That's what I'm saying. And that's the show. And at some point, when enough people realize that that's the show. And at some point when enough people realize that that's the premise of the show,

it's gonna not be fun anymore. Like it's fun when it's two regular guys busting chops, but then it's like, I forget what season of the celebrity apprentice it was, but at some point, I think everybody Trump included realized that Gary Bucies had something wrong with his brain. Oh, he does.

Yeah, and it was funny. He was weird before the motorcycle crashed, but he was weird in like a funny way. And then he crashed his motorcycle and you could see that like a piece of his brain that made it work was removed. Yeah. And people making fun of him is like, it's not funny anymore. But I think he's aware that he's not, you know, but it's still not funny. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. And I think that's kind of at the point when he got kicked off the show. It's like, we got a, we can't be, like people can't be dog piling on somebody who has mental problems. You know that I never even knew that Gary Busey was on that show?

Well, Sean, I know everything about Trump related and go, you know, go back. By the way, people found my pizza hut commercial that I was in and subreddit. It's already aired. Oh yeah. Well, it's on, it was out on the internet, I guess. It was an internet after Christmas.

Oh no shit. Yeah, I assume it's internet only because I haven't got any enormous checks from it. I'll have to check it out. Yeah, yeah, check it out and make fun of it. Every bus is. Well, if it ran on TV, they usually, I think it's the 13 week cycles.

So you wouldn't see anything for a while. Oh, well, I'll keep my fingers crossed. Maybe we'll, maybe we'll take this bombshell, their studio and drill right in the fucking mountain. Grote to make it huge, right? With your fix in this place. Pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's good. Blocked out the outside. Yeah, no dog. Break it up. No dog. No. Unless he's just being really quiet and he's gonna fuck us later. Anyway, I blame all, I blame these fucking guys for creating an environment where this happens and it really fucking pisses me off.

They did the same thing to a stereo, so they just keep hitting people in a way that you can't hit back. Well, you guys, me fucking great. Go ahead. Most normal people, you've brought this up before. See, I never worry about you because like normal people, you've brought this up before. See, I never worry about you because like you said, you're built for this. Yeah. You have been this way

ever since I've known you. Yeah. And most people are not. So when, uh, when people get hit over and over and over again, everybody's like, well, I got my fucking regular life to deal with. I got my, I got my day job. I got this. This isn't, it's only detracting from my life. I don't want to do it anymore. I just don't want to deal with it because it's all negative and there really isn't any positive. That's what bugs me about Denzel

because he's like a real nice fucking guy. He gets a friend of mine. He comes all the way from San Diego to the show. He writes scripts like, I want it to be fun. I don't want madcast media treating him like shit. And people are there's for some fucking reason. There is a debate over the role of the N word in all this. And my whole point is the word doesn't matter. It's totally irrelevant. It's that something it's that someone tried to hurt him using that word.

That's the fucking point. Like it's not, it's not a, it's not magic what happened. It's not difficult to understand. It's just that a massive line was crossed. And I think it's fucking bullshit. Private, and especially the way Maddox defends it is saying, well, it was, it was for publicity and I'm sorry that you got roped into it, but this is all in private, of course. Fucking nothing happens in public because nobody wants to, because it's the fucking dog whistle.

Think like, right, Maddox already looks like the biggest pussy on the internet to come out and say and actually take a stand for saying, Look, this is fucking wrong and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I created an environment where this is okay and Ruckus just is fucking guilty for supporting for keeping that show. One see hair about of the dumpster fire if there's one benefactor who's keeping that fucking podcast and that complete joke of a network out of total uh... uh... uh... uh... insolvency

it's ruckus social profile so he's fucking guilty as i said well, the publicity thing though, like about it. They said it was for publicity. I, of course, I show that no addicts is explain why don't I get into it because I don't know, but publicity though, to me, just hearing that just now would indicate that Denzel was in on it. If you're doing something for publicity, there's some, there, yeah, which I assume he was not. Of course not. It's some fucking asshole

on Maddox's network doing it. That's what it is. And it's just, it's all this crazy, concerted effort to try to fuck with me and anybody, anybody who's around me. You saw what happened to a stereo, it's just because he was coming, he was gonna be on the show,

Maddox instantly starts with the bullshit. Oh, he did something on his feet. He's a bad guy. He's a bad friend. He hurt my fucking woman. He hurt my, he hurt my, uh, uh, he hurt my trade show model. He did something I don't even want to say because it would make you respect him less. He's such a manipulative cocksucker about it. So I thought I would add to a goss tale that I've already told from bonus episode six. Everybody, Patreon's know this, but everybody doesn't know this story. On the bonus episode six, I told the story of the wedding that happened before episode 77. Just to recap it, I'm not going to get into the

gory details like I did on the show, but just so everybody's, everybody's on the same page. Maddox was at a wedding with with mental Jess, his girlfriend that he lived with for a long time and an ex of three or four years was at the wedding. I left the wedding with the ex and Maddox lost his fucking mind. He told that, started texting her immediately, immediately on when I'm in, and I know this firsthand because I fucking saw them coming in. Her phone is blinking off in her purse as we're driving out of the wedding like an emergency flare. Bleep, bleep, bleep, you know when your phone keeps you up and down.

Who the fuck is, who the fuck is texting me Who is that interested like what what did somebody die who the fuck is texting me? Off and off and off just how did you leave the deck? Did you leave it? I have to know it's like motherfucker who had I mean I can count them I can count the text. I've sent to ex girlfriends on one hand probably Yeah, and it's something like hey, hey, you left a bunch of shit. What do you want me to do with your shit? That's it. That's what you send to X's.

What do you want me to do with your shit? And when I was going, and then Maddox had a big call with me and it set up a big, big, big heart wrench and call where he asked me if I, if I slept, he said, if you slept with my X, I can't do the podcast with you anymore. So I got to ask you, Dict, did you sleep with my X? And I said, no, of course not. I would never do the podcast with you anymore. So I got to ask you, Dict did you sleep with my ex? And I said, no, of course not.

I would never do anything like that. And he goes, oh, oh, oh, oh. He's probably on his fainting couch. He brought in Chase Sofus. He says a big problem, but I think Maddox needs one for all the fainting and pearl clutches doing over his fucking-act girlfriend that I mean, I guess. So I said, buddy, he said in the call, you know, I was,

he said, Maddox said to me on that call, you know, I was building a friendship with my ex girlfriend and mental Jess, my current girlfriend, and Dick, you ruined it. You ruined it with all this, with all this hubbub, with all this time, with your offering of rides to women. And I immediately assume you did what you did, because I have this insane jealousy of you, you ruined this, this precious friendship I was building. I was like, I said, I don't know, man, I think you, I think you got a little more than friendship

on your fucking mind. I think you got some unresolved issues that maybe you got to step away and deal with, maybe stop texting this person because you got to step away and deal with. Maybe stop texting this person because you're behaving like a fucking lunatic. So stop. This is just my advice is America's wingman, right? Because this is this is shit that will chew up your life. Many men, many empires have been fucked up over a woman, both a woman trying to fuck them up and a woman trying to get away. Guys spend a lot of energy on women that they shouldn't be.

They should be spending on themselves, but it's not, you know, just something we got to deal with. So listen, her sends me an email. Hey, man, check out the live stream just now. But responding tonight, Maddox and Metal Jess, by bit of proxy, were trying to build a friendship to the wedding ex.

It sounds to me, like he was trying to build a weird, ass, polyamory house. You cock-blocked some strange sex triangle that the wedding X wanted no part of not all heroes wear capes. Sometimes they wear mirrored reflective aviators. Good work and God bless. PS, you need to talk about your drunken aspiring astronaut friend or

even have him on. I know there's a 10, 10 type story. Shit there. Yours and find Sirloin, Michael, Juan Perez. I think I talked about rock and man last week, but I got that email and I said, well, you know, maybe you're fucking right. Maddox goes to polyamory, weird events. He's obsessed with weird sexual deviancy, not saying that, not saying that there's anything wrong with that, because that guy called in with a pretty fucking hot threesome story on bonus episode seven that I encourage everyone to check out. But I think this guy was more right than he knew, because after I told that story, the wedding

X told me something, which I will tell now. And this is the goss of this week. Aftermatix called me and made me apologize for an hour and a half in order to keep the biggest problem on the air, which I would do anything to do because it was great content. And I knew that. And to make great art, you can choose to eat a little bit of shit for it. Everybody eats a little shit, Sean. Everybody. You get into entertainment. You start getting an ego, like, you don't have to eat shit. You start fucking things up. Man. I just think the world will even you out at some point. It just will.

You may think you've got it by the balls. You do not. You are not there. At some point in your life, and I'm not saying it could be, it could be monetarily, it could be relationships, it could be happiness, whatever, but the world is gonna even you out. Yep.

So you better listen to what the world's telling you, you are because that's what you fucking are. And you're going to keep getting the message over and over until it sinks in. Here's the goss. After the wedding, Maddox tried to reach out over and over again to the ex and she was having none of it because he's a fucking psychopath. Eventually he started doing the same thing that he did to stereos in myself which is telling mutual friends of theirs that she did shit saying look she did this she did this she said this she said that what do you think about that and of course these people reached out to her saying hey this is happening just want you to know that Maddox is going around saying that you said this shit and that shit and not really, and he's just,

that's just what he's doing. Just thought you should know. So she said, oh fuck, he's doing this because I cut him off. Because this is what people do. This is how children react to shit. This is how people like Maddox react to something that they can't have.

So she says I gotta, I gotta fucking talk to this creep. So she sets up a call with them. She's a very busy woman. She goes, well, I got some time at work. We gotta keep it short. And he goes, okay, fine. She goes, I work at five in the morning. I'll talk to you, but you gotta call me at five in the morning.

She goes, yeah, yeah, fine. He calls her at work five in the morning. She goes, yeah, yeah, fine. He calls her at work five in the morning. Unbeknownst thematics, she's got this whole thing on speakerphone and the entire break room is listening to this conversation as he lays into her with, did you leave with Dick? Well, you know, he just wants to, Dick just wants to get his, his dick wet. That's the only reason why he'd ever pay attention to you. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the part that she tells me.

I left out of the story. And the reason that I thought of it is, because this gentleman, Michael Juan Perez, says that he was trying to set up some weird polyamory thing, even though he told me, he was a friendship. And that's why it's the appearance of impropriety told me. I don't know, I don't really buy that.

It seems like a lot to just destroy your, your great podcast for the appearance of impropriety and a friendship. I got fucking friends I haven't talked to in three years. I don't give a shit. That's a friend. Your friends with somebody, you know, it's whatever. I mean, your friends with somebody,

they'll show up late to your podcast. They didn't, it doesn't matter. That's why. So she says, here's the part you left out. Mother fucker. Well, after his 40 minutes of interrogation about what happened after the wedding, Maddox says, well, I know you still have feelings for me.

And she said, no, no, I don't. And he goes, well, I still have feelings for you. Motherfucker. And she said, don't you have a fucking girlfriend who's living with you and asleep in the next room and from, you know, while her coworkers are gathered around like a, they're watching an audio car

wreck as this guy tells a girl she still has feelings for him and gets it thrown back right in his fucking face. So I think Michael Juan Perez you might have been on to something. So I think Michael Ron Perez you might have been on to something I'm gonna play a song By Lecambra Lecambra, you know that guy from amazing talent. It's called Hertz To mark this this occasion An advance that he probably rolled into the madcast media, which he told me in confidence, but I will say in public, cost $30,000 to make.

Oh my God. When I was his friend, $30,000 to make. $30,000 to make. $30,000 to make. $30,000 to make. I cooked myself today. I've got a really inherently wrong living out of me. I Cooked myself today If I still feel I

Focus on my rate The only thing that's real Dicks, penis, tears, a hole I don't feel it, I don't feel it Ugh Mill your sting Try to shell it all away I just self out everything. Do you have a countdown?

What have I become? My sweetest dick. Every subscriber goes away pretty quick And you can have my failed podcasted partners I cast a pirate dirt. But I mean, not on the other shows. I will let you down. I will sell bad shirts. I'll sell bad shirts. Oh, all right.

I'm going to get this guy in the phone. Don Chaco, let me see if he's there. Don Chaco has a little bit more to add to this. So don Chaco, hold on. Let me introduce here for everyone who doesn't know. So just to make sure that 50% of people hate you right off the bat, Don Chaco was the guy who arranged Cernovich to come in, which I thought was cool. A lot of, a lot of people did not like him.

That's my fault for structuring the show in that way. Like I wouldn't do that again. I'd do it more like Sam Hyde, where we go ahead. Controversial guests are, you know, it's a really good guest. I think makes you pick a side or feel something like if this guy's great or I fucking hate this guy, but either way, you're kind of riveted. Yeah, I, I think he's interesting as shit. And I think he'll be a assemblyman someday.

I think he'll be in government someday. Huh. Like, you think, think about the mindset of people in government. That's what they're like. They never stop. They just never fucking stop. Anyway. Um, so Don Chaco, who's on the phone, he, he, let me see if I got this right, Don,

you heard, you heard the exchange, you heard the horrible exchange on Maddox's Madcast Media Network supported by Maddox and Rucka Olly. You heard the exchange, you questioned Maddox about it on Twitter. And his response, you said, hey, did someone, did someone maliciously drop the enbomb against one of Dick's friends?

And you said, I think that your sponsors would want to know what kind of shit they're supporting. Was this on the podcast? No. This was on his network, but it doesn't matter who he was. It was because of Matt who said it. It was part of the network. Oh, okay.

It was on his network. So, what was his, what was Maddox's immediate response to you saying, hey, dude, did this just happen on your platform? What was his immediate response? I've got the tweet right in front of me. Go ahead, read it. Yeah, okay. So, I actually, this is the dickish part of me.

I tagged Kendall and Hyde on it. So I put, At Kendall Hyde, oh boy. Did I just see a video of a podcaster you sponsor through the network of Maddox rules dropping an N-bomb today? What you did. I did.

And what did he say? He wrote back, okay, so he wrote back, he goes, hey, at Patreon, user at real Joel Chaco thinks it's cool to harass people on line and go after their livelihood. So he was trying to go out and take it. Right. You got to say it in the voice. You got to say it in the man in the mancucks voice.

I have to do it as mad. Yeah, you have to do it as mad. Hey, at Patreon, user at Real Joel Chaco thinks it's cool to harass people online and go after their livelihoods. Right, to, right to mommy and daddy. So, don't, so Don Chaco's brings up a pretty fucking legitimate complaint. Like, let me, I wanna, I wanna clear something up

because I created the term job, Lynch Mob, and it to, I want to clear something up because I created the term job, Lynch mob, and it's, it's, it's gotten out of control. Where now, now it's a job Lynch mob. If you report like a waitress for doing a bad job, it's like, no, that's a fucking job. A job, let me, let me be as clear as, clear as fucking mud here. A job Lynch mob is when you have an offensive opinion that people try to silence by fucking with your job. Yeah. It's you walking around having thoughts and opinions that don't affect anybody, and then people try to silence you

by taking your job. A job Lynch mob is not Telling sponsors that you disagree with the content of their sponsorship. That's called a capitalism a job Lynch mob is not Res-is not Responding in kind when someone fucks with you and your friends Then it's anything fucking goes. The second somebody fucks with you, you cannot respond strong enough because they went from zero to one. You can never go zero to enough to raise it to raise the stakes that much.

That is, I just want to be fucking clear what a job Lynch mob is. It's opinions. Go ahead. They came after me. So his host is this host on the network who I won't bow bother mentioning. Him and his matter. It's the network. It's the fucking network is responsible for this and the people involved. First of all, like, I mean, if all of a sudden you got a show that you like and one of the sports, let's say there's a show that you don't like.

And one of the sponsors is, say, Crest toothpaste, which apparently are serious resembles. They would end up going after, if you want to go after the show, you go after their sponsors. That's just how it works. And then the show has to refine itself. I mean, there's a whole different thing.

If I called up like the telemarketers that used to hire Maddox and then to call them and said, he said bad words to me, fire him. That's a job. It's not even, it's not remotely the same. It is not a job, Lynch mob is if somebody has an opinion, they're walking around thinking, oh, marriage should only be between a man and a woman.

Oh, marriage should be a man versus man. You don't hurt them for having a fucking opinion. That's the point. It's a fucking opinion. It's not somebody trying to fuck with you. If somebody, if somebody, if somebody comes over to your house and writes, Hey, asshole on it, do whatever the fuck you want to them. Get them, do what? Because the do is the most that you can do under the law. That's why the law is there. Get them fight whatever. Stop it, fucking nothing,

because they fucked with you first. It has nothing to do with silencing opinion. Go ahead. There's a bit of an epilogue. Okay. So he tagged. So did Patreon cancel your whatever your show? No, no, no, no. Because they're good. I mean, they might send porn out to all your subscribers, but they are. They support free speech. Well, thankfully, okay. So my name, my name on Twitter is Joel Chaco. And my name on my podcast, which is called, here's

what I don't get, is not associated with the Patreon thing. So when you go to Patreon, it won't show under Joel Chaco. So even if they tagged it, it's like Patreon goes, I have no idea who this person is, because they're not going to listen every single one of my podcast episodes, which everybody else should do. But he went after my Patreon because he figured, turn about his fair play. But I mean, I didn't drop in an bomb.

Nobody was paying me to drop in an bomb. And he claimed it was abuse and harass. How is that some magic word? What these fucking people abuse and harassment? Like, dude, I just wanna know if you're, want to, I just want to know if you're, if both of you parties involved are a fucking sponsor of this because you should be horrified. That's what your answer is.

What did he do next? What did he do next? I don't know this part. He what? He blocked down Twitter, like shortly afterwards. You know, so I didn't even get a real chance to actually respond to him. So I had to basically carry it out with that host as kind of a dick and Maddox proxy war.

It was kind of like the Cold War, you know, it was getting to completely unrelated entities to go out each other. But I mean, this was ridiculous. The fact that he felt that it was necessary to go after my Patreon. He went after your Patreon, I don't know if you remember that, but I mean, he tried to accuse you of gaming the algorithm and reinvesting your money back. Did I talk about that on the show?

Yeah, I did talk about that on the show. Okay, okay, so yeah, but it's been real fucking busy this month. Real busy, you guys, what do you got now? 17, 18, you're up there. You're enough to buy a ton of violence. All right, all right, Don, Chuck. What makes you a rage?

Thanks for calling in and then. Well, I brought in a rage, but because of the way that you opened the show, I'm gonna have to bring this new one in. I'm gonna call it an audible. All right. Good. I'm gonna say my new rage is,

mist plug opportunities. Mist plug opportunities, especially when somebody brings up my co-host on my podcast, Uncle Buck. And he, him and his moonshine, he bring it up to Sean. And nobody talked about our podcast. Thanks for guys. Sure boss. Yeah, that's on us. You guys over like crazy on our things. And they're just shouting in the, just shouting in the chatroom. I know. I got a box. He's on my show.

Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. It's like that episode of Bob's Burgers when like you've got a chance to like say the name of the restaurant. You can even think of his burger. Just shout out Bob's burger. Just here's what I don't get.

Please, fucking, I need all the help. That matters is coming up to my Patreon. I need everything that don't get. Fuck, please, fucking, I need all the help. That matter says come enough to my Patreon. I need everything that we can get. So yeah, misplug opportunities is probably a really good thing that makes me a rage today. Because I was gonna talk about Twitter and customer service. Because it bugs me that a lot of these major corporations, I mean, maybe not Kendall and Hyde,

but a lot of these corporations, they force you to use Twitter to deal with them for customer service. Yeah, it's real fucking frustrating. It pulled me out at my Patreon, sent a bunch of porno out. And I'm like, hey, wait, I tweeted it them right away. Did you mother fuckers just send them? Like, don't say it was a nasty email bug. Say what you fucking tweet what you did.

Tweet exactly what you did. You sent, hey, patient, did you maybe get a bunch of porno? It's not, it's not Dix fault. He looks, he looks at way more extreme tough porno than this and everybody knows he likes losing while not Haley Cummings. That's what I wanted them to tweet at everybody and not in an ad. So only I could see it at the whole world. Put a period in front of it. Nothing. I don't know. I could see it at the whole world. Put a period in front of it. Nothing in front of it. I own a wrestling company in South America, right?

And I was sending my wrestling maps. So that again, I'm a professional wrestling company in South America. What's the call? And it's called Luchondo, Luchondo in Las Americas. And we're on the air in like four different countries. Paraguay, Bolivia, El Salvador and Colombia. And I was sending my wrestling home. You know, he's serious because he says it like that.

Yeah, like that says to the Mexican or Colombia. Yeah. But I was sending my restless home and a couple, you know, restless are dumb. So few of them were late, kind of like Sean to this podcast. Yeah, I appreciate it. Not appreciate it.

That's why I didn't get the plug. And then you're good. I'm gonna beep out, I'm gonna bleep all the plugs. Who is this? Oh, so that means I'm recording it. You're gonna report him to Patreon or make it running into everybody.

This is harassment and abuse. Patreon, you gotta remove this man's ability. You gotta remove his Patreon because he's tweeting at me. He's tweeting at me existential questions that I don't know how to answer because I have no introspection and have a weird rubric of decisions that relies on ultra PC rules that are that contradict each other.

Go ahead, Don, I'm sorry. They are arbitrary, by the way. I mean, Twitter is so weird about that. But anyways, I was sending these wrestlers home and three of them were late to get to the check-in. So they actually missed their flight. And so in Paraguay, like their airport is not very big. So we were sending on Delta Airlines,

and unfortunately with Delta Airlines, they're Latin American operations. If you have a customer support problem with them, there's no number you can call. There's no email. They say you have to send to Twitter. So what does that mean? I gotta find the right Twitter account.

Then I'm gonna tweet at them. And I'm gonna just follow me back so that I can DM them because you can't go down the phone with characters with them. I was like, trying to send somebody's passport information, you know, all the numbers and all the letters, shit like that, and try to get everybody's name across, and all what? So I can go back and forth and hopefully maybe

this Latin American Delta Airlines office can finally get back to me and recede everybody. It's ridiculous. Did they? I hate that. Yeah, I'm done. Did they recede everybody? Yeah, like three days later, it cost me like $1,300. Perfect. They sell everything and I had to put everybody back up into a bucket hotel. Six sets. All right, buddy. Call back again. Maybe I'll make you square off with Izzy. He's getting, he's become a monster on that board. Just wipes everybody out.

Well, I didn't realize he was a ringer. Me either. Yeah. And then somebody was saying that he's, somebody was saying that he is also part of a conspiracy to pull a fraudulent rage lottery on everyone because that, somebody said that Frankie Fartzaplenty is also Izzy with a disguised voice. Somebody on the subreddit, they said that Izzy, the disguised as the email does. Yeah, yeah.

No, I saw it. It wasn't there some weird like tuning thing going on. They changed his pitch by like 9% and they think it's Izzy, no break calling in on a different line as Frankie Fartseplenty, who I drew randomly from the submissions. They think that this is a conspiracy for what? I don't know, but I'm capable of anything, apparently. All right. What do you want to go by?

Anyway, do you go by Don Choco on your, on your, here's what I don't get podcast? I go by Joel Choco. Joel Choco. Yeah. Don Choco is my, my wrestling persona. I, I'm a heel manager. I, I piss people off. It's like Bobby the brain. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I actually, I brought my, my act from Paraguay back up to Canada and I would do I'm going to like Portland and stuff. Oh, it's not bad. Actually, I I mean it was easier to do it in English That was to do it in Spanish all the time. So you shit talk in Spanish. I only I will when down in Paraguay Yeah, I shit talking Spanish. Can you do some? Can you do some right now like shit talk Sean for being like like shit Touch Sean is your wrestler and he's like the guy who I'm not gonna,

he's like the guy will delete you. I don't know what he'll do. Sean, like a move. Don't put potato, go. Yeah, that's the manager. That's the manager job, right? Speaking of Spanish to know that. He didn't mean that, he was just kidding. That's the excuse that Maddox gives

for dropping the end bomb. He was just kidding. He literally says that. He says it in private though, so you know. Mira, miran esta hombre. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Engineer audio.

Yeah. It is very fantastic. It is very, very, engineer, audio. Yeah. It is very fantastic. It is very, very, very, very strong. Yeah. It's the best thing for a opponent for favor. El is to champion real. That's, yeah. Can't be a real. Yes.

Now I managed, now I managed, mini, uh, midget wrestlers up here in Canada. Uh, that's so much fun. Wow. I know. I know. I actually went on, I just went on tour, actually went on tour with the Midget wrestlers. And I then a guy by the name of Prince Akeem,

and I got another guy named Rob the Giant, who isn't really that tall. And my nemesis is short sleeve Samsung. Oh, I can't see. Short sleeve Samsung. Why is he called that? Is he, does he have short sleeves? Or is his name sleeve Samsung? Oh, I can't see. Sure. Sleeves, Samson. Why is he called that? Sleeves, Samson. Does he have short sleeves or is his name sleeve, Samson?

And he's short. No, he's like four foot two. Okay. He's like really tight. And long hair like Samson. It sounds like a, like a hobo parade. Shortsleeves, Samson. And Prince Occupy.

All right. He goes out and wraps for the, wraps for the audience. And you know, why say short sleeves? Say, Samson. Short sleeps, hats and short sleeps, hats and he's awesome. He's fantastic, but I fucking hate him when I'm done choco. All right, buddy. Thank you for calling in.

Hey, thank you, man. Cheers. I'm calling again. You got it. But we should do an Izzy. We should make Izzy fight this guy. Sure. Right?

He's not here, Izzy. No, no, he's not here. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That no, he's not here. That's it. I'm going to wrap it up. Metal Jess was talking shit about me. I'll bring that in next week. Okay, Sean, I'm really serious here. You need to call Mad Cux.

He's really upset. He's crying. I don't get it though, because I mean, you were gone, and he had that guy Jesse do the audio, then everything was officially over. And he has this guy smart mark. And that's working out really great. That's his nickname. He's still a smart mark. He's still a smart mark.

What? I mean, what did you do to him to make him like this? I'm not sure what audio engineer magic you worked, but you need to unwork it. I'll be honest, I have no idea what an audio engineer even does. Do you like build audio or something? Whatever. Just call him, okay?

I'm really going back there, I'm going back there. Oh, or is that? Sean, if you aren't going to call. I'm going back. I'm going back. Oh, here's a lot. Sean, if you aren't going to call Madcooks back or at least text me a pic or something, then it's over. I didn't want to have to do this, but I have like tons of screenshots. Remember when you said, hey, I'm going to be about five minutes late to the recording. I'm running as fast as I can. What universe is that? Well the whole internet's gonna see that buddy. I'm gonna have my Twitter followers and my YouTube subscribers and all my UCB friends

docks you the likes of which not even a stereo says ever seen. Sure it will be hard but if anyone can turn lust into a blind hatred of something, well that's mean. What? So Charden have like a Twitter and- How does he not have a Twitter? Oh yeah they're fucked. Caveman? They're just like a normal guy.

So what are you gonna do now? It's like a normal guy. We're gonna print big business cards for you. And we're gonna say mean things. Yeah. Also, I heard what you said. And I totally had a half wolf dog as a little girl so you can suck it.

That's all. That's all. All right. Oh boy. This has been gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that.

I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that.

I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm how it already looks like it's worn. I did that. You did. Yeah, I did that. Well, I told the guy, hey, make it look like it's already more. Yeah, so pretty much that I did that. It's you can get it in gold America. It says America's wingman, all huge. It looks awesome. Go to shop.

I really like that shirt. That is a lot. Yeah, I guess you want these fucking shirts. I got it in this color and I got a blue shirt with a gray on it that's more of like a top gun looking thing. I don't know. Yeah. Pick one. Maybe I'll get to your large, right? Yeah. Okay. Good for you. Yeah. It's you, me too, just barely. Oh, yeah. Really? You frozen up into that. Shut up, shut up. All right, this is been the Dic show. Thanks for listening. I'm gonna put on a remix by Roderie Thomas and the K-pop show. They have a K-pop show.

They've done songs before for us. Here we go. Presenting. You want to do some voice mails? Good, double quickies. Yeah, what the hell? All right. Wow, they're safe. So much in community on who and those who use who may be familiar with this,

they give you the choice sometimes of my thing which add experience that you want to watch. The ad experience and they give you the choice of three ads as if you want to watch any of them. But they make it a little bit sweeter by calling it an ad experience. So my ad experience, let you tell you about it? Actually, I can't, but they don't fucking remember.

I don't care about the ads. How do you think this guy is? I just take the first and the pops up to get through quicker. What? I pour a little bit of a Scotch or bourbon, or crack up in beer, and don't pay attention to the fucking ad. I could pay for the ad free version of Hulu, but you got to.

I mean, really, I'm just going to go take a piss every time I'm an ad owner or something, because I'm drinking when I watch TV. Does convenience for a... No. Pretty drunk right now. But don't patronize me with a fucking bad experience. Like this is like something that I want, that I chose to pursue. I didn't pursue any of this.

I turned on the show community. It's really fucking funny. I did, especially now. She used to take ads. I guess I did because I would have paid for the ad free version otherwise, but realistically, who gives a shit about ads? Not me. Very rarely is there a good ad. And I'd have a good ad. That's what I hear. There's something I want to watch. Yeah, yeah, let me pick my eyes for you. Let me customize my ads on Google or something. I was actually want to watch.

I mean, you know what bugs me? You know what bugs me about ads? I pause it. Oh, I feel drunk. There's more. I know. Probably about double them. It's that they play the same ads so many times they make it unlist number. Oh, yeah, like I've like Spotify Pandora If they would if they could just mix up their ads a little bit it would be it would be effective But because they repeat you just tune it out. And it's a point of heart. Hate it. Like I listen to the same fucking ad come on and I feel like I'm stuck in like in the Black Mirror Christmas episode. I've been hearing this for a thousand years,

every, every 20 seconds. And I find my mouth just repeating the words along with it. And it makes me fucking insane. I want to, yeah. I want to, like I want I want to, yeah, I want to find who did it. I want to find who's responsible. I just want to write, like, I don't even know the names of the things that drives me. So, like, some fucking identity guard.

I want to go find somebody who works at identity guard and just ring there and beat it out of them. Like, just stop, just change your fucking ad. Make it dynamic. Just have somebody call in with a fresh ad. Put a cycle on, don't put so much work into it. It doesn't matter. I'm convincing everybody with his horse shit.

God damn you people. Uh. Uh. Let's see the vein popping out of your head. Because it drives me fucking crazy hearing the same at over and over i know they get one more

not to your listening to the man first media network seriously dick what is with those radio bumpers that maddox has added to each one of his episodes what is the value of making your show sound like a shitty-ass morning zoo? Good question. The radio that you only listen to because there's nothing else to do. The most pointless type of radio there is. The radio you listen to because you're stuck in traffic and the only way, the only alternative is to face Mecca and blow your brains out to escape the pointlessness of your existence. What? Why is Me man ever heard that before?

That's what I want to know. That's what I want to know. I guess that's about it. Dicco, fuck yourself. That's the only option is to face mecca and blow your brains out. It's funny. Oh, no, no, no, no, I got one from Lettuce Jones called.

Lettuce Jones, Trekkall, and from prison. I got a voice, yeah. Hey, Sam. Yeah, he's in, or jail. No, but I didn't know he was going in so quick. That's why he called. He was going in the next or jail. No, but I didn't know he was going in so quick. That's why he called. He was going in the next couple days.

He's in jail right now. And if you go, if you go on the subreddit, you can send in books. Lago Morph, on there's a thread where you can send in books to pass the time in jail. And this guy goes, Lago Morph, who's real, who's the finance scouril of the Dickheads. He goes, well, why aren't we sending books to the guy? Let us beat up for no reason. I don't know, man. Sometimes just like, it's not fair.

I don't know what to tell you. Let us is getting books, even though he did a bad thing. Yes. He seems remorseful, though. Yeah. No, he actually did. That was one thing where, and he said, you know, I'm not joking around. Like, don't do what I did. And I deserve it. And I probably deserve more.

Yeah. Yeah. It's basically what he said. So you, it's not like he's not taking responsibility. And there's a slight overreaction in, in the act. And keep the rage in the cage sometimes. So he called, I got a society will fucking from deal with jail. Yeah, that's like, if you'd like to accept the charges, and then he goes from lettuce, Jones, and it's like a robot reading. I'm like, let us, I can't accept the charges.

It's a voicemail. I don't, I can't help the body. It was sad. It was sad to hear it because then I'm like, man, he's just, he went out of those nice of him to go out of his way and call the show. He must have written it down, but then to get there and realize that there's no, yeah, there's no outbound only right. Yeah, there's no, there's no, here's a, here's the last voicemail from, from lettuce.

Mm-hmm. Hey, Dick, lettuce, Jones. So it's calling to say, unfortunately, we did not reach the Patreon goal of $500 for the book of Bloodish. Bloodish on Patreon. I will write something maybe, but more importantly, I'm going to write a script, a competing script against you and Denzel. And when I get out, we can see how that goes.

And so anyway, it's all my wonderful, you know, fans out there. If you want to send me any books, please contact at PowerCage01 or at ADDI4L or Madcucks on Twitter. And they will be able to help you out. And hopefully I can do some voice mail from jail. I think we're going to be making history if I actually do manage to do that, because I don't think any other podcast has done. I don't think so either. I don't know.

Look it up. I don't think anyone else has had someone. No other podcast has had someone calling from fucking jail. Anyway, see you. Well, I hope lettuce is staying off the yeah. Anyway, two. Well, I hope that is just staying off the raid, Bliston, Jill. Yeah. Yeah. All my fans, do you call the listeners, listeners or fans? Listeners, they're listeners.

That's exactly, fans sounds really presumptuous. Yeah. Oh, all the fans. I want to be all in close-up. All my fans. Yeah, no, they're listeners and we interact with those. Yeah. All right, that's enough. We're to be all in close. All my fans. Yeah, no, they're listeners. And we interact with those. Yeah. All right, that's enough.

We're done. Thanks guys. Thanks for listening.