The Dick Show - Episode 323 - Dick on the New Old Truck

Episode Date: September 6, 2022

My Man and I do another show from Burning Man.

We are on a tight timeline, Stephen. Why aren't we on a tight timeline? I was mixing up that acid and I did the math once and then I thought I should do the math again. But then I thought, fuck it. Well, what's the worst that could happen? We wake up in an alternate reality. I like when the brick and mortar is bad math.

Cause you know, I'm on a mission to debuff acid, to debuff it. Yeah, cause the one hit is way too much. Way too much for people. It freaks them out and they just have a bad experience. And then they spend all day trying to explain what it is to be a friend to people they've never met. Yeah, I don't want, I can't do that.

Yeah, so I definitely don't wanna. It's dangerous. So I mix it up, I put three in eight ounces. Right. And then I figure that's, and then I figure every ounce has three eighths of a hit of acid, right? A simple math, right?

It doesn't seem like it should be right, but I think it is. Something my gut feels like that one might be a touch off. What I, well, what I do do is I do it with easier numbers. Like I bump up the numbers that are easy so that I can do the math. It's like in physics classes where gravity's just 10. Don't worry about it.

Yeah, and people complain about that. I'm like, I want you to go fuck yourself, but let me get my notes here. How you doing? Oh, he starts to show. Yeah! How you doing? You, he starts to show. Yeah! I'm going to take you. Do you love to get into the show and the contest? Sounds a little sloppy, y'all.

We're going to do this until the acid kicks in. That's the ticking clock. That's the clock. One minute remaining. We're going to do this until the acid kicks in. That's the ticking clock. That's the clock. One minute remaining. We're going to do this coming alive from Burning Man.

Joining me for this Burning Man episode, you can turn the show off already if you don't like the Burning Man episodes. Well, yeah. Right. Thank you. Listen, next week, I guess, where Sean's finally back. Classic Sean. He works so much.

That's the big secret. Sean's actually here. We always say that he's not, but he's wandering around with a big ol' pink fairy wings. We are doing the show from my new truck, which is now my old truck, right? Right, yeah. It was just strange to me that your old truck,

being 25 years old, didn't have the power to pull five tons up the grapevine. Yeah. That's so weird. That's where the math started fucking us. When my truck conked out on the grapevine, I don't know the- Check engine light wasn't what made me pull over.

It was the smell of smoke. Yeah, and check engine light. I'm like, yeah, I think the check engine light could make it another 1200 miles. Yeah, check engine lines are light. There's suggestions. Yeah, so we took my old truck that's been to every burning man. Over to my parents house, it's been a bad, it's been a rough burn for me, honestly.

Started bad, started expensive, it's getting, maybe it's finally kind of we couldn't under control. We couldn't cut a deal with any man in Los Angeles County for pipe. I couldn't get a man in LA County to pipe me for a good deal. Okay, that that did really annoyed me. We have to get one inch EMT conduit, but every option to buy them was rapier than the last. every option to buy them was rapier than the last. We're talking about just a steel pipe, which they probably discard by the ton at every construction site. Home Depot, it's 22 bucks a thing. The wholesale electric supplies, it's 25 bucks a thing.

One of those even 35. I was like, who are you buying this? Where's the deals? Then we found one guy on Craigslist who would sell it to us for a dollar. And he, but he only ran his shop from like 6am to 10am. Yeah, 6.30 to 6.35. We can make it.

We couldn't make it in time because apparently earthquakes happen so regularly in and around your house that I damage some very sensitive and important scientific seismological equipment. Yeah, if you don't live in L.A. or California, we have earthquake protectors on our gas lines that are the most sensitive piece of equipment on planet Earth. So if an earthquake happens, the gas valves automatically get shut off so your house doesn't explode, I guess. But it means anytime the gardeners trim the hedges around my house or in your case,

put just some scrap wood near the device, it detects his vibrations in the air and shuts off the gas, which means everybody, because I'm the laziest, everyone has to take a cold shower until I wake up to think about the problem. And I didn't say anything about it. Which is really the first shower. And I thought to myself, maybe that's how it is around here. Maybe we just do cold showers. It's cold showers. Shower has happened.

Have you ever been in a place where the shower, like in the first world, where the showers are unusually cool? Yeah. You know, I just thought it was a cool Southern California. The human element has failed me big time this week. Okay. And then, yeah, go ahead. What were you saying?

I think. Let me go through the list of grievances that I, as I was saying, we drove back to my house to pick up my new truck to tow the 6,000 pounds of lotion water. Well, it did become your old truck a little earlier than that when I sumo pressed a bicycle into. So that was it. I can see that like I had lived like in the like in 13 monkeys. The army of the 13 monkeys when Bruce Willis watches himself get shot. That was like me watching you drop the bicycle on my brand on my new car. I knew we had to take it. And

I knew that you weren't going to want to take it if it wasn't. It was clean and perfect. So I had to I had to. I just had to step in and change fate. There was a tiny nick on the door leading up until this week that I was stressing about. Oh my car is like, oh, maybe I should get this ding. Maybe I should get the ding king to come out here. Take a look at this little, this tiny little scrape that I've got here. Now, well, tiny little scrape that I've got here. Now, well, now there's a... Now I have no more clear coat on the car. Nope, this is a whole street destroyed.

100% destroyed. Ha ha ha. Time for a new truck. Who else, someone else did something? Who else dropped something on my car? Bart, what did you do? He sat on the tailgate. Oh God!

This, the human element. Again, the human element failed me. Someone should alert me when the shower's not working. I'm not a hotel, but you let me know. Maybe there's something I guess. It's my house. I got to take a shower too. So then we get here and we detach the trailer and lower the tailgate to load all our art piece into the back of the truck.

Our art piece this year is not a dick, not a dick. It's an adequate-sized lighthouse that's a little bit crooked. It has a very large dome-shaped light. Normal, normal, regular lighthouse shape. It spills light onto the dust of belly of the playa. It's tilted into the wind for aerodynamics for science. That's why it's not a dick. It's not a dick.

Stop. Why is everyone keep saying that? It's definitely not small. It's adequate. It's it's high enough to not be tampered with a reasonable strugged. I'm not saying that. Some might say it's a present for us. It's high enough to not be tampered with. A reasonable... Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end.

Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end.

Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end.

Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end. Struck to the end. brand Bart, once again fails as a human element by sitting on the tailgate and lowering the tailgate onto the trailer hitch, whatever that thing is called, the harness that goes on top of the ball. Yeah. And I put it in drive, being Mr. Cool, cracking some road, sodas, because we got the pass to drive out to the ply and be artists. And what do I hear? My favorite sound when it comes to my car,

a nice cacunque. And I feel it in my bone. It goes straight from the back, to the metal chassis into my bones. I think, well, someone was not sitting on the tailgate. Of course we pulled off the trailer, were they? Why would we do that?

Why would they do that? So yeah, you weren't on the tailgate back there, are you? No, I thought I hear shifting around. Like why are you shifting around when I asked if you were on the tailgate? I'm not. Okay. Why did I hear two lights, which is?

So we get out there and I say, Steve, do me a favor and look under the tailgate and tell me if there's a big gouge out of that, will you? Don't, actually don't tell me. You look at it. So it's a little game, it's a little treat for you when I look at it in a moment to see that there is or is not a big gouge.

And I did the right thing, I immediately lied, which is lie, lie all the way. I told you. Now if only you could lie to women. I keep telling you to do. I probably should. It's like it only learned how to lie to women. You got to think of them as cars like the rest of us. You can say

whatever you want. How do we feel about Israel after this, after this burn? Do we have any new opinions or changed or informed opinions? Have we walked a mile in Palestine shoes? This burn? I'm right, right? Well, you know, water rights are a big deal in the desert. In the desert. And maybe we hitched ourselves to a group that had a more aggressive stance on the account of managed those. We just count a little bits of our, of our camp. We let some very dear friends, we let some very dear friends of mine who are from Israel,

who hosted us when we were at the Burning Made in Israel. Right. We said, sure, you can come to our camp and our camp. We love it. You got more girls than guys, right? Yeah. Because we know. Obviously, we would, obviously you wouldn't ask

if you had more guys with you than girls, because that would be a possible burden to overcome. I said, yeah, sure. Can you just pick us up some water and gray water disposal and some food? What else do we have to get them? Some food. And kitchen stuff. And we said, okay, yeah, can you just grab Steven a bike?

Because he doesn't have one and they said no They said no, we can't do that and then they also wanted us to bring them Shower yeah shower which we which we screwed up which we did again the human element It could take it would take us about 10 minutes to build a scaffolding for that. Why? Why spend 10 minutes? Why spend 10 minutes?

Why spend 10 minutes? Why spend 10 minutes? Why spend 10 minutes? After, and I was being aggressively bold with my shower predictions for this year. I love a shower every day. I'm not like these guys. Third bag.

Third bag. I need one. I need to look crisp. I need my like these guys. Dirt bag, dirt bags. I need one. I need to look crisp. I need my fit. You need people to see you and say, did he just get here? Yeah, what is he? He's like a god.

Cleanliness. He's like Lazarus. Do we figure out, we figured out Lazarus, right? I feel like Lazarus, the guy who died and got brought back to life. And then we know one knows why that guy for what reason I know more about the guy who invented the the the crawling thing in L.A. I know more about lumi's than I know about the only man in history brought back from death by God. The biggest the biggest trick in trickery there's, that's the biggest trick in the book,

not even Darth Vader. Didn't Darth Vader wait? No, that's what he was trying to do. That's why he went to the dark side. I remember. Darth, some playguest? Darth Plagueis, the wise. I don't know.

Do you think there's any Darth F slurs? And his lightsaber goes, Wang. What was I saying about the human element? And his lightsaber goes, wang. What was I saying about the human element? Well, that my truck loaded up the truck. Oh, the Israeli destroyed. And then they come over and say, hey, did you get that gray water barrel for us? For us to share.

I said, yeah, it's over there. We took a tour of a very excited man's lotion factory where we picked up these blue rain barrels and filled them with water. Well, that's the only thing we did well. Yeah. Is the water. We nailed that, which is strange because our other campmates came from San Diego,

which is a much closer area. I mean, it's short as well. Oh, yeah, San Francisco. Yeah. Almost no time to get in there. Somehow, So I can get a bicycle and a couple buckets. Well, we found out why because they said, they said, is this our gray water? Well, yeah, it's all of ours. We've been, we've thrown a half a beer and some toothpaste in there. They said, oh, great. And then within 45 minutes, they dumped about 30 gallons

of blended eggs. Like, is it eggs? I almost threw up when I walked by a minute ago. I really did. I can't do it anymore. I'm making mom. He can deal with all of it. And then we came back and they had taken our water barrel pump, we have one pump that screws into the top of the water barrels, and it has to be sealed because we don't want any pestilence or dust or dirt or any spit to get in this water. This is all we have. We come back from going out dancing in our top is gone

and an entire 500 pound barrel of water is also gone. Just missing, missing, like, and our top, the top is open. I'm just sitting there, collecting dust while some mythical superhero level creature has absconded away 500 gallons of some sort of water man. And I get pointing out, that's ridiculous. Who did what single individual did this? And everyone's like, well, if you roll it,

it's not gonna hold the roll through a bunch of dirt. Yeah. So again, that was the, that was the Israelis, I just feel like our settlement is being slowly encroached upon bit by bit, a little bit more than what we're talking for. There's some bikes now. They're a little bit under our shade. I haven't seen this. Some new bikes there.

There's a couple pieces of dishware that I don't you know, maybe I got to rethink all my anti BDSD, whatever that boycott shit is after I'm going to start lobbing some rockets, return rockets. Can we do it? There's a, we could do whatever we want. We're America. We're America. We set the rules here.

If it's okay with you guys. Yeah, if everyone is comfortable with that. Yeah, I don't know. So the guy just carried hundreds of pounds of water through sand. And then they sent another guy out to tell us to negotiate with us about how that was fine. Oh yeah.

That's what's going on. That guy did it. And then they're like, oh, don't do that guy. It's a different. That's our other guy. Well, I want to talk to that guy. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, not him. He's too busy.

He's too busy. You got to talk to the minister. Yeah. So we missed our conduit. We missed buying cheap conduit by about 10 minutes. the minister. Uh, yeah. So we missed that conduit. We missed buying cheap conduit by about 10 minutes. Yeah, just, um, because the hot water was turned off in the house. So that took me way too long to do

because I'm scared to do it, because I blew myself up trying to show and he's growled to do it. Right. We missed the conduit guy. So we had to buy, what do we spend like $700 on conduit? Yeah, it was a touch more than I was hoping for. Way more than, but hey, now we have it.

And so we can talk about how it's an okay deal because we'll use it again. The over time, yeah, yeah, yeah, you've got to amortize it. You're an accounting, you can amortize any purchase. As long as I can imagine myself using it in an efficient way, then that counts. That's worth its own. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's worth $8. Hindsight accounting. Yeah, it's like, well, you know, a hoard looks expensive, but if you really break down the number, you got a four square, like a used car. If you're a hoarder, it's a thousand bucks, but then you're gonna spend all this on, to pair of tits rolling by us

That's nice. I guess It was my car broke down on the grapevine on the five north For people who don't know the the tow truck company They have a real great system there Where you call triple A and then the whatever tow truck company the mental invalid Who's working the call is the engineer that if you run a tow truck company or

Well, I I don't think that but it's true It's not it's not a thought. It's a belief. Calls back to someone. You know how they run tow truck companies? They go every day and they find because I am mentally. They go, they go find somebody on the street and they say, hey, will you be our tow truck company operator for the day? And they, if the person says, well, I don't know anything about tow trucks. They say, it's hired for the day. Come on in. You run the phone lines. So when people are broke down and desperate on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere,

and have questions about getting their car and their gigantic trailer for full of all their shit and water for the next 10 days. If they have any questions, you will not be able to answer them. Don't answer them. And you don't even understand, but I called them and said, I'm at call box 704, okay?

That's all the info you need. I assume that those call boxes are designed for exactly that moment. Yes. Yeah. I'm at 704, send the tow truck driver there and she goes, well, what's the cross street? I'm on the fucking freeway, bitch. There's no cross streets. She goes, well, what was the last pull off? So I pull up my Google map on the thing.

I'm like, I don't to temple to highway. It's a pretty far away. She goes, okay, got it. Your guy, I'll be there soon. So they sent me a link of some like, janky interactive map. So I can trace the guy right and I said well Can he can he tow the trailer and she goes I don't know Well, can you do the one thing that I need him to do lady you have a truck that can what do you mean you don't know? This is your job figured out. Yeah, can you call him and ask you probably knows first fucking name you probably have Office Christmas parties do you call up Todd ask him if he can tell the trailer So she says well when he gets there he'll tell you if he can and how much it's gonna be I was like oh awesome

So it'll be infinity dollars infinity dollars and he can't do it can't do it So we had a big plan like a chicken and a fox and chicken seed Where we were going to you and seed where we were going to, you and me, where we were going to drive you out there and have you babysit the trailers. So, so meth head didn't come latch it onto his big foot and take all of our precious, precious water that we've learned is very precious. More so than maybe we originally thought after some very tense geopolitical situations that are evolving or devolving as it's happening. So he shows up and I had a number in my head,

I had to do this devil's arithmetic of deciding how much our friendship is worth to me exactly. It's more than X amount to me for me to toe this. Steve's waiting for ever. His son. It's going to be a long fucking time out here. Well, luckily, it didn't actually go down that way. And what, and said happened was your mother prepared us a nice charcuterie board. Yeah. And your father regaled us with tales of his childhood while we sat by the pool. So that was really nice. Good night.

I got to take a 55 mile an hour tow truck ride. Yeah. Where the air conditioning was set on, the guy had the air conditioning thing, and he had notched, he had put a notch between zero and one. Right. And he had it right, he had made his own. He put his own notch at half.

Yeah. Yeah, eyeball has like, could you put some, could you turn the air on and he goes, it's on, look. And it said it was a little notch that was a half way between them and he had it balanced. Perfectly. And you're like, but it goes towards, you can turn it all the way up, but you're not paying, I think for $300,

I should get my air. That air condition should below right on your balls So that sucked yeah, well for part of the team. Yeah rest of us You know you had a great time my parents have that's time. We got some extra pillows. Oh Yeah Which we needed okay. Well, what's some what's some good stuff that's happened to you this week? I got recorded my feet last night. Right.

That guy surreptitiously recorded my feet from GJ, from like a foot away. Less than two feet away. Right up on you doing an only feats. Do you think we could find him and see, you're like, hey, I'm actually a bit of a figure. I need the video rights on that. What did he look like? Tall thing. I like it. Right on that. What did he look like? Uh, tall thin. I like it.

Right here. Uh-oh. Possibly foreign. There's a lot of foreigners here this year. Yeah. There's a lot of foreigners and a lot of guys. A lot. Where it's a dangerous tip over, watershed moment

where there's too many guys. Yeah. Why do you think that is? I think word got out that this place is full of sluts and hordes. Yeah, and now that you're sending in the foreign men, that's what happens, that's what happens in Vegas, that's what happens to everything. The foreign hordes of men just swarm like locusts.

Start doing these strange tribal hooting. Have you ever seen this? A hooting? Yeah, hooting. When you hoot something, hoot. Oh hooting. Have you ever seen this? A hooting? Yeah, hooting. When you hoot something, hoot. Oh, hoot, hoot. Oh, okay. The foreign men will pack a club and then they realize there's no women.

They will start getting in soccer, hooligan rings at the very front of the stage where the women should be and they start jumping in unison hooting. Hoot, hoot, hoot. Have you ever seen that? No. It's weird because you're a guy, right?

You're a guy, you're at a club, and you're like, okay, there's no, or wherever you're at. I No. It's weird because you're a guy, right? You're a guy you're at a club and you're like, oh, okay, there's no, or wherever you're at. I feel like it's spontaneous, like synchronized hooding happened. I might, it's not really my vibe as we've, as we've already established, I, I wanna turn the fuck around. Here, geez, get on the mic. Well, we had the guys at the magic show,

we went to the magic show. And there's a guy's a pick a number between one and 15. And he goes, okay, I got a number. And then he goes to the whole track and he does a thing. And he picks the right number. But the guy's like, I picked 69. And he goes, was that your number? Because not yes, nine, like a 69. It was the most bobs of a gene, Indie and I have ever seen. I feel like we were in an internet meme. Yeah, me too. I was like, was this your number?

You're nine, you're 69, right? It's the six number. Buddy, you're just, you are fucking up. You are fucking this up for everybody. Yeah, he really, that was bad. That was a weird moment. I think it's 69. Whoa, and then he said he was from Portland, right?

Yeah, they were both like, hey, where are you from? And he's like, we're from Seattle. We are from Seattle. Show us those bubs. Show us those bubs. Show me the bubs. The Vagin. Not to go too far. They seem like nice guys.

Yeah, they're just fucking up. They're fucking up the five. Yeah, they're just ruining the, so I like to beat those guys up. Yeah, the feet, the ice right in the mic. The feet, the feet, the feet, the feet, the filmer feet, the feet, I got to find him and kick his ass as well.

Weird slow dubstep. Oh, God, that was bizarre. Yeah. Is that how the kids are dancing these days? I guess. I mean, like contorting. I, I could dance to anything, but that was like a train filled with wacky waving and plaitable arm to men. Yeah, but they were underwater. It's like if Gumby was a tow truck driver.

But how are we on acid? I'm telling you, the acid is a good clock. It gives you about halfway through the Lego movie before it kicks in and I gotta go do something now. Which Lego movie? The first one. The second one's better. No, the first one's great. Two great girls shit.

I fucking hate girls shit in movies. I don't even like those big fucking blocks. Get the big blocks to fuck out of here. Not even girls like them. Yeah. Duplas are garbage. Duplas are... They're a joke. They're a joke.

Just give the little kids regular legos if they choke. That's their fucking problem. Drill a few holes in the side. If you choke on your toys as a child, as the way God wanted you to go, we got to find a Bible camping you to the bottom of the ladder. Yeah, I like our version better. Yeah, yeah, too. What was it? Lazarus to bad for heaven, but too good for hell to bad for heaven. And God brings him back to life as he can't have. He can't. In the man there. Yeah, he was a user.

He was going to start taking over. He was going to start, you know, really redefining what the boundaries are between God's and that. Earth's realm, maybe moving some signs, maybe launching some rockets. I don't know. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

Constance here and there. Yeah. What else do we, God can't do anything because you're playing by all the rules. He's playing by the rules. He's hacking the election. We're gonna hacking the election. We're gonna, we're gonna hammer back.

The bar the gay bartender. Oh my, okay, so I walked into the, oh yeah, this is one of my proudest accomplishments ever. I walk our friend is gay. And I one of those cool gaze. Yeah, he doesn't have abs. Yeah, he don't have abs. He's not like, he's not overly friendly with women. Yeah, he's just there drinking whatever he's drinking out of that cup. He's got beef jerky that he got. He makes jerky on it for no reason.

It's a totally clear plastic vacuum sealed bag with beef jerky the most easily identifiable substance on the planet. He made the jerky from a cow that his family slaughtered in his house, sealed it, and then wrote a single word on the sealed bag of jerky. He's that kind of gay. Yeah, the cool one. Fractically straight.

Yeah. So after the butt stuff, except for the easement, loving and openly gay relationship, I guess. Yeah. Wow. He's living a dream, actually. You got to get that man in touch with some kids. Teach these kids. If they can, if they can, convert them to be gay, this is this man that will do it. I still don't, I need to see the data on it. Yeah. I don't believe they can, but if there's one way, if there is a hope for our future, the future of our children, it's, this is the man,

this is the man to do it. So we're in the, what is it called? The Celestial bodies. Is that the right name of the camp? The gaiist, the gaiist gay bar in Gaville, where he has got his name after a gay drink at the gay bar. Yeah.

Uh, there's his nickname. And I walk up to him having what is clearly an altercation with the bartender. And he says, I walk up right when he says, listen, I'm as a gay man. I said, oh, you did not just, you did not just play your gay card. I'm gonna play a gay card at a gay bar, right? Stick Twink, because he was trying to take us to some kind of a dick gauntlet where guys stick their dicks and glory holes so we could just check it out

and you know, get to see it, maybe accidentally brush some. Whoops, what a trip though, I'm grabbing all this. Whoa, one went right up my mouth. Ah. But he got gay. He got gay. I'm not going to be able to get in the way. I'm not going to be able to get in the way. I'm not going to be able to get in the way. I'm not going to be able to

get in the way. I'm not going to be able to get in the way. I'm not going to be able to get in the way. I'm not going to be able to get in the way. I'm not going to be able to

get in the way. I'm not going to be able to get in the way. I'm not going to be able to get in the way. I'm not going to be able to get in the way. I'm not going to be able to get in the way. I'm not going to be able to get on day later, I'm showering together and slapping weeners.

These two very straight bigoted men over there are gonna fuck up your, because I know the gank, the gank community really hates drunk straight guys. I know, no, I mean, they're still men, right? Not when you're straight as us. Yeah, the gay, I'm sure these men who happen to be gay really, really would hate praying on drunk straight men. Yeah. What a nightmare.

What a nightmare. I don't want kind of gay you are, buddy. But we're an old school gay. If I walk into this, I walk into this conversation with our friend going, well, look as a gay man, buddy, you don't, don't ever, don't ever explain yourself to this, this fucking trick, plastic, trailing warrior. This is perfect haircut. This gel, this GQ want to be a GQ slick back, F slur bitch, telling you you can't take

your straight dick slapping friends to a to a gay glory whole gauntlet. You want to take your straight friends into an extremely vulnerable space, extremely vulnerable and gay. You do it. You don't need to ask this. I ask this fucking guy. This guy's behind. He's your slave. He will make your drink again the right way. Yeah. And it'll tell you thank you. I was too stunned to say, ordinarily I would lose it. Something like that. Being gay-keaped is really gay.

It's a new, it's new to me. I hadn't seen, that's one for the books. Really? Yes, I have never seen a gay man. First of all, I've no, no, no gay or man than jerky man. Yeah, he's the only, he's a paragon. That's right word. To get turned down, to get refused, there he is.

Look, he's pumping water out. Like he works a cock awkwardly, I think. That's how gay, you, that other kind of gay guy would be like wiggling around while he's doing that and like pumping it out really fast. He's just like, we got to get water. He's doing it all awkwardly. What a champ. So I got to go kick that bartender's ass.

I'm going to go suck all those dicks. Yeah. Every one of them. You don't like straight guys in here. I just sucked a thousand cocks. You know, like guys sucking dick that are straight. Guess what? I sucked them all. They all got sucked. There's

no only gay dick left for you. It's all been tainted by my straight mouth. We got any favorites so far? Favorite moment. My favorite moment was the that chick with massive tits that gave us those ghost pepper shots that were the worst in the world. I go as pepper and bacon, the bacon was a trick. It was so I didn't handle that well. I think I. We all took a shot of this stuff. And Steve was already pretty drunk, but you got progressively drunk or while we are there.

I think it is like soul. Yeah. I'll kind of pile it up. Yeah. And this. I think it is like soul. Yeah. It's all kind of piling up. Yeah. And this, I mean, I like spicy stuff. And what we took this shot, it was, you know, it was there. It was good. It was really, really hot.

It was fun. And then Steve's just looking at this person with nothing in his eyes, smoking a cigarette. He doesn't smoke. He just lights up. Where did I get a cigarette? Can we smoke here? We're outside shut up. We can smoke anywhere Anyways, she goes you want another one and he just probably looked at her and like no communication happened She pours them a huge one and like like a little bit a lot with this and he got a lot Anyways, he takes a shot back.

No reaction. Nothing at all. He's just, we're like, oh no, he's in trouble. We're headed downhill quick. I mean, that's the whole point of drinking. Is it to be right there where nothing hurts anymore? Not your ex leaving you because you made a series of obviously inappropriate decisions. Telling the truth was the only bad decision you made.

Man, you and my grandmother gave me the same advice about that. My advice was do it. I know you're going to do it. Do know you're going to do it, but lie. Don't tell her. And then I talked to my grandmother two days later and she said, well, you know, women don't have to know everything. Ha ha ha ha. I thought, what the fuck? Kind of world. Was I raised in?

You're the bad guys. Man, I- You are the world. You know what I'm saying? You're the one doing the bad stuff. You know what I'm starting to realize after years of us sticking around. Maybe I am the bad guy.

Every time I'm thinking, ah, hold on. I can't believe this happened to me again. I got dumped again. Yeah, you did a bunch of bad stuff. Yeah. Oh, here we are again. Me with an unusual story is about woes and troubles coming my way Common denominator all caused by you all me. I'm out here. I just got to amp it up

I'm gonna make sure these bad bad the bad. Yes. I got embrace it. I don't think you I got break bad I don't know I don't think you could handle being the bad guy mentally. No, I have to. Yeah, inadequate. You just have no impulse control. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was glad to see that the gay shower camp was taking Monkeypok seriously. Right. That was appropriate. That was an appropriate thing. But why, there's Monkeypok's signs at like 40% of the camps. Yeah.

So you just walk up and someone spits some blueberry juice directly into your mouth and then goes, oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to wear a mask while I did that? Should I mask up before I fondle your dick for 10 minutes or do you want me you know are you okay? Are we are we doing hugs? Are we doing hugs? Do I have your consent for? I'll give you. Meanwhile, I'm drinking 80% sludge. It gives a sea silt in it. Yeah, you need to clean that up. I'm not. I'm not going to do it.

We went to the, what were the other rules? The monkey park rules at that cave that shower camp that, oh yeah, you get two tugs. Yeah, two tugs in your out, two tugs and then you're, you're officially in a jack off situation and you have to go room, you have to remove yourself from the showering area and go into the sex area, the tug room. So it's just guys showering. Guys showering, we brought two women, and they hated it.

They're like, we were, why are these straight guys messing up our thing again? Do you think they like it or they hate it? They loved it. Maybe it puts a little like a chum in the water. Yeah. These straight guys, look at how small their weeners are. Why not the gay guys?

I have such giant softongs. Yeah. Why are they? They're giving it a warm-up pump just to look. That's how they crimp themselves up for the big game. They're all shaved bare in the back. Oh, yeah, they were all shaved. Oh, I didn't. Yeah, I guess now that you've said that. I don't shave bare enough. Oh yeah, they were all shaved. Oh, I didn't.

Yeah, I guess now that you've said that. I took a good long look. I don't want it to seem like I didn't look because I did take a good look. Oh yeah, I don't want to be disrespectful to the gay community. So I'm out here locking eyes with their one-eyed willies. Respectfully, respectfully so.

So, oh, thank you, Gigi. Got dog hair. Dog hair all over my beer and my new old truck. And the new love it. Can't wait to fuck it up even more when I get home. I'm excited about how Exodus will go and how fucked up we can get your truck. A girl almost full in nose planted into it a minute ago. Oh, God.

I was sure she was going to scratch the shit out of it with that. She you turned, she's got an ocean of space on her right and on her left is three and a half feet until my car. And she decides of course to hook a left because those are equal distances in her female mind. Man, it felt like almost winning bingo haha haha oh i fall

fuck i looked over you but i didn't want you to see me looking at you because i wanted to make sure i enjoyed the moment yeah you wanted to see your bad guy that is a bad impulse not the right impulse shit what else would you cancar trip? That was fun. What I was dead. I went to bed at 8.30 last night. Oh yeah.

You need to check ass. You need to do more drugs. What's your ceremony at the temple? Oh yeah, I thought I was doing. I was doing the same thing that those people were doing at the temple just a little bit differently. Just a little, wait, does this? Yeah, you missed it.

So at the temple, right, where everybody goes and buries there and puts like post, like shitty laminated, I mean, like I got a dead cat and you're like, that's sad. Or like, I haven't talked to my dad in 10 years, but I still forgive him. You're like, that's as much more sad than your cat. And then there's girls leaving like angry letters. I shouldn't have cheated on you, but I forgive you. That's much more sad than your cat. And then there's girls leaving like angry letters to their boy friend. I shouldn't cheat it on you, but I forgive you. I forgive you.

I'm gonna go scratch those all off today. I'm fucking, I forgive you, Brad. Like what? You're pussy stinks. That's what I'm gonna write next to all of us. It smells like cooked carrots. It smells like the acid's cooking in. I think the non-segwooders are starting to fly.

It's a giant wooden structure for those who don't know. It's a giant wooden structure in the further away from everyone, further away from everything, including the man that burns where people go and they leave these memorials that are all in the form of the cheapest poster board you can buy. Pictures printed out from a inkjet printer and bad fonts but some for some somehow they all found a new way to do fonts and head

headers and laminating it's all done very badly no i think it's going around in like the design community everyone's loading up nineteen ninety seven powerpoint software and they're making memorials. This is an aesthetic choice for these guys. It looks so bad. It has to be on purpose. It looks so bad that's on purpose. If I was going to honor my dead father in this way, I would try to at least print it

at FedEx or something to think. Call around, get some quotes. His kinkos even still open fiber Go on fiber design me a nice memorial for my dad Here's the pictures I'd like and then send it to kinkos and print it out So find some like college graphic design student bucks, you know and like really lay on the waterworks Oh, he always wanted me to do graphic design, but I don't have an eye for it. It'd be incredible. Right, Cheeji.

The trans people with their helmets. So there was these guys, well, I don't know the right word, but there was some people, and they were wearing what I assume was like a dress, and then like an upended potnage bowl. Oh, yeah. And yeah, so there was these individuals, we'll call them. Right. They were, they were trans, right? There was a, I know that it's,

well, it was talking, like a guy was talking. I know that. The Lord wanted them to be. I don't know what they were trying to be though. I honestly don't, because there's so much weird, the weird Indian shit out here, like Native American, And he's making me so annoyed. They take over everything. They told, they, the Native American Indians told white people to not bring any of their ashes and remains to put it at the temple because of the ghost balance. Yeah.

It's going to, there's going to be gentrification of ghosts in the ghosts this fear. And they're treating, the people in charge of bringing in a treating this like This is real and not just saying oh, yeah, okay, well We're gonna do stuff like we try to keep everything clean. Yeah, all your spear spears spirituality shit. That's retarded It's fucking retarded it go watch ghost busters you dumb it. There's no ghosts or ghosts Poisoning shit fuck off. What do you want another hundred, we'll charge for it, how about that? Would that make your asses feel better?

You want, if you're bringing ashes of Nann Nann and a inkjet printer photographed of her, then you know, hundred extra dollars on the ticket. I fuck your whole, if you're response to people finding a way to grieve their dead people, is that you were doing it wrong? Is that you're doing it wrong? Then i honestly hope your whole culture gets wiped off the face of the fucking earth or at least the people who don't subscribe to it

again i hope it's right off the face of the earth again again again oh you don't like it well you know what we could we could fix the balance for you we did it we did it pretty well last time i don't know how far you guys away from the nearest vaccination center can you walk there we'll balance it out is that what you want I know how to do math oh you got too many dead white people out here no problem I got a fucking perfect fix for you keep dancing keep dancing keep dancing you look a little chilly here's a blanket I can't it's so like I don't have a kid. People, people, people take it because they're Native Americans, but no one's time to say that's the fuck,

that's the worst thing I've ever heard from these people. Oh, no, you can't bring your dead, you can't bring any dead ashes or corpses out here because it, we are, our, our, our, about the ghost balance. It really is. Yeah. Too many white ghosts out here in the middle of nowhere. In the middle of nowhere. You got too many ghosts. It only exists because of privileged white people

and influencers wanna go do drugs in a unique way. If I was told that I couldn't bring the ash remains of a loved one here and I wanted to, I just set myself on fire while we were here. Which actually, I think. So all these weird owls in the upside down punchballs, thank you. Geez. We're doing a weird ceremony.

And everyone looks at it like it's cool or whatever. Like, yeah, that's like a thing. Looks like Star Wars a little bit. Like they're wearing upside down punch balls with shower curtains stapled around the punch ball. So it's like a cousin it, but plastic. I didn't see this at all. So I'm looking at, I'm looking at our Boergy.

Is this an accurate description of these hats? Yeah, it's perfect. It's perfect. It was totally retarded. You can't say retarded. You have to say retardo. It was totally retarded. You can't say retarded. You have to say retardo. It was totally retarded. So I said, hey, gee, check this out. I'm going to do my own somber exposition. I know about a good ritual. Is it when someone announced that it is somber? Hey, check this out. This'm going to do something very serious.

It's probably. So I put my cup on the top of my head and I walked, I have incredible balance. And I put my drink cup on the top of my head and walked, what is that noise? And walked through their, walked through their ritual. At the same pace, they were like, along with their thing, like snuck in. Like, one of these things is not like the other kind of vibe. Yeah, okay. You're just, you're just,

Why would they? It's a somber and serious moment. They're not trying to reflect externally. This is, so I actually, she was giggling like he was in chair. And all these people are like crying and showing off. I go, she was giggling like he was in chair. And all these people are crying and showing off. I go, I'm sad too. I loved, oh, I loved my dad people more than you.

Did they say something to you? No, you just got away with it. No, so then I started, I got my kazoo out. And I started kazooing the funeral song. Do, do, do, do, because that's my culture. That's your intelligent men with classical music and affinity for marches. Yes, buildings and science and classical works

of art and music. That's my culture that I wanted to share with these weirdo fish pole people by going to then G. G. G. He was really

lost it. We also lost a paper, speaking of loss, we also lost a paper airplane contest. That was a good segue. We walked in there. It was the words matched. Yeah. What? We walked in there thinking, oh, you know what? Because Gigi says, oh, I bet you need some engineers to win that paper airplane contest

and we said, well, guess what? No, Gigi said, oh, great. We're going to the paper airplane contest. Oh, great. I bet there's going to be a bunch of engineers there. They said, oh great, we're going to the paper airplane contest. Oh great. I bet there's going to be a bunch of engineers there. They said, buddy, we are, we are, we are two engineers here, and we will definitely lose. And we will be good engineers. I don't know if I've ever lost anything so fast. Yeah, you would have won. If you had crumpled up a piece of paper, you were,. Yeah, my plane went backwards.

My man got taken out of my hands. It was very windy. Paper doesn't fly and wind that well. Let's see. Oh, I did that. You guys got to do that Ibeam bridge thing. I know I've been talking about all that. It's terrifying.

It looks like it's a good way to die. Yes, I can't believe nobody's dead off of that. It's two eye beams at a 20 degree incline over the ground and they meet together at about 20, 25, maybe a hundred feet off the ground. And you walk, you walk up one and then you walk down the other side. I walked up one, I was talking a bunch of shit that get this hot guy behind me with his hot wife. And I was a little bit drunk and

I had sandals on and underwear on. So I wasn't in. And I'm not saying that wearing shorts would have helped me in this, but I was talking a lot of shit about doing it all without getting on my hands and knees. Right. Wait, were people getting on their hands and knees? Yeah, I was making one of them too. And I got, and I get, I walked up, and you get about 10 feet off the ground, and that fucker starts wobbling, right and forth.

Big time. Like, getting up in your hips. Oh, whoa. This will be really embarrassing to die in my underwear before I report the show. I hope I die in my underwear. I wear underwear most of the time. I don't wanna be in one of those,

I don't wanna like shit myself to death in the shower. Oh, crack it. I'm like falling down, I'm all bleeding out and everyone's like the water's been running. It's as cold as your showers are in Los Angeles. See if you could tell me if the shower's not working, you let me know. All right.

I'm just trying not to bother you. I try to stay out of your way. No, I know that's false. No, I know that's false. try to stay out of your way. No, I know that's false. You know, you're a busy man. Yeah. So I walked up the first Ibeam and I got to the top and it was very, I was in sandals, you know, rainbows. Very scary and going over the top from one beam to the next

when it starts the decline right was Probably the scariest thing I've ever done It was really crazy. Is it supposed to be climbed on? Yeah, well, yeah, I think so people were lined up to walk across it There's always a there's always a weird cross area with some of the art out here You're like do I climb on that and the the next thing you know, you've lost a finger. Yeah. Or you know, you've fallen in death

or you've been lit on fire. It's a Balzzi project. Yeah, like to make a death machine. Because someone will die and then it's on you. You sort of, that's your thing. Maybe if you're a bad guy. Maybe that's the next project. Bad guy.

Bad just a guillotine and everyone thinks that's a trick guillotine. And when they chop their heads off, I go, well, I didn't do it. Oh, God, okay. Who else, who else we want to beat up here? The influencers are thick this year. Maybe that's just the next generation. That's what the next generation. That's what they're doing.

Well, everyone's locked inside for two years. Yeah, and all they had to do is fucking Instagram. They had nothing else. You can tell everyone's been locked inside for two years. Everyone has their fucking cameras out, which is fine. I think whatever you wanna do it, but usually in the past it was a more,

you get yelled out by these old crust punks. Hey, don't take pictures. Don't take pictures. I noticed that when we were at the man yesterday and that weird fucker, the bunny man was doing like a, he does this like preternatural courtship ritual with a bunch of women who are young and they're pretending to be about five.

And he's like an old bunny man who's doing like, he's going around the circle like pretending to find things on their body and they're freaking out and pretending like it's the salvation of Christ that's just been found upon them. It's really fucking gross to me. I don't want, I hate that. I hate it. I don't want, I hate that. I hate it.

I don't want to see it, but I want to make sure that it comes here every year. Yeah. So if I got to give that guy a hundred bucks to put on his marching jacket and paint his face white like some bunny, so that he can play on theater students who are getting their first chance out in the world.

God, I'll do it. But just tell me where he is so I can avoid it. I really have come to hate that guy, even though I like his energy and I like what he does, something about him, just really a noise. I just really want to punch him in the face, you know? Because he's listening, I'm sorry, incredible. But something about people like that who like get just enough popularity and their weird subgroup that like, yeah, that suddenly are just predators.

It's like, it's like a switch. Yeah. Like, oh, now they're predidating. Predidating? Yeah, okay, we're doing well here. Predidating. I think the ass it's kicking in. Might be working.

What else do you have here? That was my math. That was my math. Three eighths. What else is in the notes? Let me see. Monkey pox. Fucking monkey fucking monkey talks about that. Oh God the stolen Land meme

I was taken over this year you are on stolen my youth Pity land I'm gonna say it. I try to throw an axe in there. Fucking cry, baby. He's never, never ending. You give me a casino, you can steal all the land you want. Take it all. Hey, you killed seven tents of my family. It's your land. Ha ha ha ha ha. I shit, we should have stopped a long time ago.

I'm not. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna be like, yeah, I love to stay here on this graveyard of my loved ones. It's fucking yours, man. Have fun. Put a Costco up. I'm going to fucking LA. I guess the weather is nice.

I don't know. I'm welfare. Fuck dead. You guys got wood now. What's it called? Licker? I'll give it a shot. I don't.

What am I going to do? Can be consoled by the matriarchs of my family? Oh, no, they are dead. So. And the ghosts are getting out of town. They're getting my wider open. All these dead influencers, ghost storm bucks. Yeah, that's stolen land.

Just stolen land meme is so stupid. It's only why people writing that sign. It's aggressively stupid. Like, why are you doing this? Why do you think they're all the same? Yeah, I feel like a chatbot can argue with those people because the idea of like stolen land is so fucking dumb. Yeah.

That it's too, it's the labor involved in being, pretending to be that stupid to argue with them about it, is too much, is too much to bear. Walking them through the flow chart of how this is a bad idea. It makes no sense. Yeah. I need to gear up.

I have one of these a year. Don't worry, we stole a bunch of completely lifeless, sand, desert. We took it. I wanted it so bad. My ancestors showed up. They were gonna plant 100 acres of corn out here. Yeah.

In the desert. In the desert, in the most inhospitable spot in North America. What's this, we shit, this is government land. Me. That's the same way. Yeah. This is BLM land though. It is.

I agree. Tell them to give it back. Good to work. We'll buy it again. And the Black lives matter art car is all making the rage. It's like basically just having McDonald's out here. Like I'd be less offended by a McDonald's art car

because at least they could have like a ball pit and you an agrimus and you know it's a white woman leading that camp. We should go find out. We got to go find her. We should go do a George Floyd death reenactment. I'll get on, you can be Chauvin, or unless you wanna be George Floyd.

I should probably be Chauvin, just, you know. I do a pretty good Chauvin. Well, I bet you do, but it's more of a, you know, we would really wanna make sure it hits home, and I'm a, you know, I don't know. You're a theater guy. I'm a theater guy, and I'm a... Wider.

You're wider than me, oh. Yeah, okay. I am a minority. Yeah. wider than me, huh? Yeah, okay. I am a minority. In our minority field camp, which I can't seem to fucking say. Yeah, I was feeling, you're really can't. Your white guilt is so tremendous that you can't embrace the natural diversity that surrounds you. You're so imprisoned by your own.

You don't think you deserve it. Yeah. My closest personal friends are all non-white, non-traditional, whatever. And I'm like, oh, guys, what do we say in the diversity brand? We have to fill out an art application to get our art out here that has, of course, they make it easier for minos and diversities to hold on. Are we coining minos now? Minos.

Is that something you've already workshopped? I just said it right now. All right, we're going with minorities. Going with minos. We're going to say minorities every time. Yeah. Minos. Minos feels right.

Minos and cues. Yeah, that's incredible. Yeah. But anyways, I gotta fill this out. See, I didn't want to do this without being in the car. So you have to fill this out, because you're the white person in the group, so you do all the paperwork.

You do all the paperwork. It says, how diverse is your camp? And you're like, what should we put for this? And I'm like, well, just put tell the truth. It's got a Korean, a Korean, a Korean, a Korean. A Korean, a Korean, a Korean, a Korean. One white man in our camp. It's just me.

I'm the least straight white man in our camp. We get rid of you, obviously. Then it's the most our camp. It's just me. I'm the play straight white man in our camp. We get rid of you, obviously. Then it's the most diverse kid. And then it's just me, the straight white man that wanted to go see the dick gauntlet. And then took a shower with other straight white men watching. That not, you know what pissed me off most about the shower? Is the women we brought wouldn't even

comments on our penises. They didn't say word. Then they're like, oh, I didn't even look. What do you mean you didn't even look? What was the point? I could rate your tits immediately. I already have. You're on a evaluation schedule. I rate them every other week. So make sure. Go. Good do better. Performance evaluation. Welcome to your performance evaluation. Let's see those tips. Okay. Aish. Yeah, we could go do, we could reenact, we could say we're doing it somberly though. We

gotta say, hey everyone, check this out. We gotta like, we do it like in slow motion, a durational theater piece of George Floyd. Slow mo of nine minutes of him dying. No, we like to each stretch it out. Yeah, 18 hours. Two days of you kneeling on my back and me going, Oh, come on, breathe. If we did stretch it out to be 10 plus hours, we would be called heroes. Really at first, we just thought they were assholes, but they're commitment.

They did it for 10 hours. They're commitment to the piece, really changed the way we viewed the interaction between my nose and the police in this country. You sound wide. Oh, here we go. Here's some tits coming by. Oh no. How are you doing? I don't know.

Well, whatever. It's not my ex. Are we gonna find her? We're not gonna find her. Fuck. I know. She's gonna show up just when we're finishing this episode. She's gonna show up. She won't show up. First of all, she's not gonna show up. Sorry, this is why would she ask where you were camping to avoid? To avoid it. Yeah. I'm

I women. They just avoid drama at all costs. There's nothing there would be nothing worse than her and her walking around with a handful of dicks and accidentally seeing you. Right. I don't like that. I'm starting to regret telling her where we camped. I'm starting to regret selling her my ticket. I told you, revoke. Repo that shit. I'll do it. I said, I will do it. Do you just give me a number?

I'll call up right now. Okay, what else do I have here in my notes? The white people. God, why? I guess we'll end on the one thing that makes me rage the most out of the trip is the, it could have been worse. Which we started with.

Trek broke down, what could have been worse? Could have been worse. Could have broke down in hell. Could have broke down 10 hours from now. Could have, it could have exploded. It could have killed us. It could have been a trick. We could have, I could have build a temple for you.

You know what, build one for me. I told you last night, put the IQ by race chart in there. Yeah, that's my, that's the memorial I want. And then if people come by and be like, don't you think that's offensive? Like, well, you didn't know him. No, but he was Mexican. So look at how high he was.

That's why it's even more better than, yeah. It's a tribute. Don't you get it? If you're not getting it, you have to put all the races on there, though. He loved charts. He loved charts. He loved charts. I just Googled chart.

Google most popular chart. This is what popped up. A Google most influential and popular chart. He loves charts. He does math very quickly on the back of his envelope. Kind of accurate. Accuracy wasn't things he loved. He didn't love accuracy. does math very quickly on the back of the envelope. Kind of accurate. Accuracy wasn't things he loved.

He didn't love accuracy. He loved charts. And he would be able to chart people charts. And pointed them and say, well, do you have a better chart? Then this one says IQ, bring me a better chart. I'll replace this one. But until then,

fuck art stays up. And it's also 10 feet long and it cost me $180,000. And I welded it to the temple. So I put it over, everyone else, do it on the last day and put it over, cover all everyone's ones. Yeah. Man, I never thought I would want you to die so soon. This sounds like so much fun.

You know what? Let's just make up a fake friend and do this anyway. Never thought about making up fake friends. I have so few real ones. I think the fuel in my car has grown since we started. That might be the acid. I think the acid talking, seeing as well. Yeah, it would have been worse.

It could have, it could have been raped by the truck driver. You could have been raped by the truck driver. How do you run a tow truck company and they say, well, can you do trailers? And the answer is, I don't know, he'll tell you when he gets there. Oh, and then he went, so he fucking didn't even go to the call box.

He went to the street, I gave her. So I had to walk, I pull over the truck when it starts when the things start the check engine like came on the smoke started coming out i'm talking to my dad because he took it into the shop before i took it and i think i would go your mechanic fucked up my truck uh...

and i just will it's like it's too much weight so i got a jump on and pull a bunch of uh... industry manufacturing specs just approve that And my dad says, well, your dad was like, it's too much weight. So I got to jump on and pull a bunch of industry, manufacturing specs, just to prove that. It's too much weight for a car from 1997. What the fuck does that even mean? That means, it means it's- How much weight can a car,

how much weight can a car with a transmission that's held together by duct tape and 30 year old foam? How much, what's the tow capacity on that, dad? What do you mean too much weight? How much was not too much? Oh, you went too fast. how much was not too much oh you went too fast oh oh did I did you want me to walk I I it was somehow it was my fault that the transmission of a thirty or how old is that nineteen ninety

seven thirty twenty five year old car exploded on a freeway that goes straight up that was my fault your fault friction and he did it once again that it once again i went to fight a gun if i was a omirilian fifth gear all yes if you were shifting credulous you should kept it out of six that you're out of the strapped those and then we had to do what i say before we left the worst my worst nightmare is doing ratchet straps in front of my dad and i was so happy that we got to get ready at my house

and ratchet strap everything down in a nice, calm manner with no one rushing me or judging other stuff that I was about to do or probably would have seen if they had been- Or maybe never have done, but wouldn't have mattered. Wouldn't have fucking mattered. I had to, I had to immediately go back and replace every and re-ratch its strap, everything

right in front of my fucking dad who stood on the driveway like the eye of Sauron, there's hands of Hanna's hips judging. Uh, there's a guy in the back of your truck. They're taking more territory. They are. What is he looking for? He's really, that's their spokesman. Just, that's their leader.

He is. That's Mal. They keep sending him over to me mom they keep sending them over to me They keep sending it in it's sending over to me the bad guy. Hey, go talk to the bad guy. Go talk to that go talk to that guy that's Less Mercurial. What did you take from the back of our car took a yard staple? Fancy single single Hard staple that's gonna put their pop up down It's really thinking it out.

Yeah, the wind kicked up. Yeah, it could have been worse. He could have taken a whole cooler. And the the camper shell. This is a worse part. The camper shell that I got, I had forgotten about this. The camper shell that I got for my old truck, which was eight feet long. What a fucking house.

It was bigger than some of our vives. Yeah, bigger than my apartment. With a queen size mattress in the back that now is in a tent, it's not as good. Campershell. How's that working out? No mattress. The mattress is great.

Only had like a more permanent rigid roof above it, you know. Something that had windows that maybe already siliconeed up so they would open and close with the slightest touch. I did put a lot of silicone. I've had a lot of, I really tried hard on this one. That's what makes it worse. I had to drive all the way down. I was calling camper shell dealers.

Wait, were you really? For months. Oh, okay, for months. For prior, I thought you meant like after the tow truck, you're like, hey, yeah, can I get a last minute Canter Shell for a beautiful black truck so-and-one with no scratches on it? No, because this one, I wanted to fit this truck

in my garage, so I didn't get the longer bed. I got this short penis bed. Right, that's good enough. That's five feet. You could have never cleaned your garage out enough to put the truck in it even once. I didn't do that. I got it home and I tried to park it in the garage

for the first time in this truck. And it's long by like two inches. No way. Yeah, so I was like, okay, well, I'm done. I'm a yard, I'm a yard part guy, I guess, forever. Look at the Mexican down the street, parking is yard. Look at the Mexican couple down the street. They both park in the fucking yard. Because there's, I'll be god damned if my girlfriend gets to park her, this gets to park her car in my garage that I bought. in my garage that I bought and I don't. So the garage is my working out.

Yeah, oh right, so it's a no. It's only for me or trash, that's it. Like, well, can I park my car? I don't think you understand what my issue is with life. If you think you're gonna put your better, newer, more expensive car than mine and my garage on this the day of my daughter's wedding. on this the day of my daughter's wedding. It's the day of my daughter's wedding.

I think you're out of your mind if you think that's happening. More tits. And a weiner. Yeah. The weiner was so slow. The two were one deal though. That's a wash.

That's a wash. What else? Is that it? How long we run? I'm asking. I'm asking. Yes, it's kicking in. Yeah, I think that's pretty good. All right, everybody.

This has been the Burning Man episode. If you do voice mail. You want to do voice mail? Yeah, we'll do voice mail. Roll that window down and ask someone to leave a voicemail. Okay, yeah, hold on. I'm going to think that. Hold on.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Can I ask you something? Can you leave me a voicemail on this microphone right now? Dick. Hi, you've reached Dick. Please leave your name and your phone number off the turn and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Bye. Thank you very much. That was not exactly a voicemail. That was a voicemail greeting, but we'll take it. She pulled over. She had a

sexy voice. She she put her best foot forward. You know, that was better than I thought. That was hot. Let's go fuck that girl. You know what? Let's all three of us go fuck that girl. Let's take her to the gay show and give it a lucky platter. No, I would say you ever heard some monkey pox. You can get two chugs on each of us. Just so you know, we get two chugs on each other.

You can just so you're aware. you're allowed to take two of our cocks, make it worth it. We can tug each other twice. So that's four, that's eight. And I only need four. So. Hahaha. You think they're doing gay math in there? All right, boys, we got six guys showering in here.

We just got two tugs. Let's get to work. It's like the trolley problem, but fun. If you pull this, if you tug this weiner, tug this lever and this one guy that tug off. If you tug this other lever, you only tug one guy, but you'll do it harder. I don't know anything else. Probably not.

All right, Patreon.com slash the Dixia. See you next Tuesday. And then it does the music. The theme song hasn't changed. Oh, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, I don't remember right now. You don't remember the theme song? Do you do it? Do you remember it? Hi, obviously I remember it. I'm asking you to do it. I don't remember it.

There's an outro theme song. Oh, the same, genuinely. It goes, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da The guy wrote it doesn't like me anymore. I don't think you know what happened. Did you tug once? I Overtugged man you can't over tug. I was talking like a maniac. I was going around The tug fucking I don't blame you. It's before you knew. Why would they tell us? I'm gonna go back to that camp I'm gonna just start jacking guys off openly and then refusing. I'm gonna fight going into that little room Get incentive bed. No, no dead weight and I'm gonna fight going into that little room. I can get the incentive bed. No, no, I'm dead weight and I'm gonna spread my arms out. No, no, no, I'm talking.

I'm talking, I'll start talking those guys off. God, get this guy, he's breaking the law. He's breaking the law. Throw him in jail. Throw him in tug jail. That's when the George Floyd thing will happen. And they can't stop us. I can't believe you missed my sober, somber performance.

Yeah, you know, I was off. I was off. I didn't work it out last night correctly. I died. I told you to do blow. Yeah. But you didn't listen. Well, you know, one of them, you didn't listen.

Again. And again, I've put myself in a situation where my active disobey is clearly harming myself. If I would just do what my two or three real non-imaginary friends told me to do, I know a couple things. I know I would probably still have a pretty cool girlfriend. And our camp dynamic wouldn't be all fucked up. It would be much better. Much, much different. Well, all right, I'm hot.

It could be worse. It could be a lot worse. All right, goodbye. All right, I guess fuck your burn. You have anything you want to plug? Thank you. Oh, I don't know. Insta, go to my Instagram.

I've been taking photos of my asshole. Ha ha ha. What about you, Gigi? Do you have anything you want to plug? I got none. You're good, okay. I'm gonna be massage therapist, so I'm free in Oklahoma City.

If you're in an Oklahoma City and you want a happy ending massage, go hit up the change. What do we got? I have it. Thunder, clap massage. Ha ha ha. We've done this in a lot of cars. We've done this Burning Man podcast from a lot of different cars now.

I guess we're getting better at it, I think. I think so too. Yeah, let's do another 10 more years. All right, goodbye everybody.