The Dick Show - Episode 339 - Dick on Resolutions

Episode Date: December 27, 2022

Ukraine stealing Black people's money, my New Year's resolutions, losing at Christmas, a "healthy at any size" influencer dies, why everyone hates Ralph, remembering Cantillions, and anime figurines; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Oh, that makes sense. We don't have a guest today. No. People might be calling in on the Discord track. They will probably will be Cool, that's recording. Check, check, check, check. All right. That sounds pretty good. Yeah, that's working for me. Let me just make sure this is fucking gone. All right. Yeah. So, all right, yeah, fuck. Try something on Discord, okay?

Cool, yeah. Awesome. What the fuck? Fuck that coffee. What the fuck did that copy of? Ah! Do you see that episode of the characters with Tim Robinson? Is that the bowling one? No, it's the Vegas one.

Oh, no. Oh, dude, we got to watch that. Oh, my fucking god. I can't stop thinking about it. All right, let me connect to the live show. Start streaming and go, go, go, go, go, go, go, right channel, right channel. There we go. Is that working? Yes, please. Yes. Something that works, that's about all my brain can handle today.

It's all I wanted for Christmas. It was for everything to work and Santa made it, Santa made it possible. All I wanted for Christmas was one pack of IPAs. Pawnee came closest for this six pack of Corona that she brought in. I didn't have the heart to tell Pawnee, you're not drinking Corona. All right, come on. What are you? What are you? Is that what, is that what hot girls do? It's only what Pony, you're not drinking Corona, come on. What are you? What are you? Is that what, is that what hot girls do?

It's only what the pretty people do. Because what I do is post videos of myself on Twitter where everyone calls me fat for three days when I am not fat. Well, it's not that you're fat, it's just that you're clinically obese. I don't want to. Okay, here's my new you're fat. It's just that you're clinically obese. I don't mind. Okay.

Here's my new year's resolutions. Are you ready for this? I'm ready for this. Number one, always have more beer, always have beer and whiskey in the house. I don't know who I have to yell at for this to happen, but it's been this year, especially leading into Christmas has been a disaster on the good beer on the IPA and whiskey front.

I have drank entire bottles of vodka and gin that I did not want because I was too lazy to yell at my girlfriend to go to the store and get more whiskey. That ends today. You know, I'm going to realize it kind of takes a lot of effort to yell at your girlfriend. It's a very thin, it's a very thin line that you have to walk, a fine point that you have to make, a tiny hole that you needle that you have to thread. It's just like, well, a hard prick to row. Right. What is it? What do you mean? Why do you think it is?

Oh, it's just, you know, it's one of those things for your, your taught in polite society. Like, you know, just like, feminized by women teachers. Like what do you, like you're angry at something? Like just, just don't be. Like what are you, like you're angry at something and like just don't be. Like what are you, what are you frustrated or irritated at something? I will be angry actually.

We'll see and there you go. Enough of, I always tell people, people like, oh you know, like love and peace and all this. I'm like, no. If you do that, you also have to embrace hatred and fucking telling people to go eat shit. Yeah, correct. You need balance.

You need balance. But that's unhealthy. It's unhealthy to get all upset. Like, no, no. If I did do this, I would be upset. 26 hours a day. Right. Because my life is so good.

Now I have to be so shitty about it. Number one, always, always have whiskey and beer good beer not this shit not whatever salt rain I have a rainbow sherbet seltzer given to me by a gay man Well, look at this here's what I find offensive is that's not even printed on the can that's a fucking this actually is printed on the can Is it yeah, this is such a successful Seltzer sherbet. Oh, it looks like one of those people. I hate those fucking things. Matt can. What the fuck?

Always have more beard number two. Stop letting people call me fat on the internet. Can I call you fat in person? Sure. But on the internet, it starts to become a real thing. You started all this saying, do you see where I am on the internet, it starts to become a real thing. You start to say, do you see where I am on the camera? I mean, Carl's basement or wherever he records. You can tell because of all the Simpson stuff.

If you're a challenge, challenge, be a podcast, be a Gen X podcaster, and not have a Simpson's drawing of yourself challenge impossible. I don't know how that meme goes. It's a. Okay, number two, stop letting people call me fat online. Stop letting people call me fat. I gotta write these down. What were you gonna say?

I can't remember now. Fucking cops are gonna bring me back to life. Speaking of Carl, we have a bonus episode with Carl from Who Are These Podcast. Very, very funny episode up at patreon.com slash the Dix show and on Carl's Patreon, which is, I think it's also patreon.com slash the Dix show.

I don't remember it. If you go to patreon.com slash the Dix show, there will be a link once you pay and sign up to Carl's Patreon. So eventually, yeah, yeah, it's somewhere in there. One of the shows we reviewed was a guy who interviewed guys and asked them the question, can, can interviewed guys who said they were straight, even though they sucked women's dicks. Oh. So. And he asked them.

That's very important. He was a very gay black guy. I don't know how black. I don't want to say he's very black because I don't know if he's like, you know, I'm the captain now or like, uh, sinbed like, I don't know how black. Right. Spectrum. Are we all on a spectrum? Spectrum, yeah. Are we all on a spectrum?

Spectrum of gay, spectrum of being a woman, spectrum of black, spectrum of being a white supremacist, like are you Nick Fuentes or are you? Yeah, that's a rough one. Yeah. Anyway, it's like statistics. You could just make up whatever. Yeah.

Well, you know, anywhere on this show. Yeah, we have autism. That was my shit. What was my third New Year's resolution? Always have beer and whiskey. Stop letting people call me fat online. New bonus episode of the car where a guy asks, the guy asks the guy he's interviewing.

Right. The cocksucker. Right. The straight cocksucker. Well, that's the third resolution right there. Was Goa listen to that. I'm gonna go listen to that. He asks some, so, how do you consider yourself straight, even though you've been fucked in the ass by a dick?

Oh, I'm gonna go immediately after we're done in your own house. I'm gonna go to patreon.com slash the dick show. Never, never believe me. You're such a thing. Cause the gay guy's probably pissed, right? It's like that's fucking gay, dude. I did not get called gay.

My whole life and made fun of for some straight motherfucking ass coming in here getting fucked up there as by a dick and then saying I don't come I didn't think of that I'm six years old. Oh looks me or the queer way on my I should know what do you mean? I'm straight to Right fuck you fuck you you're not fucking straight You straight with a dick up your ass yeah I think so whoa we finally got these gaze on the ropes haha second dicks I'm still straight motherfucker oh shit what what yeah I declare how this is the time of year Sean's not here Johnny's filling in guess what something horrible happened

Johnny someone died great news horrible terrible thing has happened once again well you know it's what i'm here for is to every time i see you it's always bad news well great news disguises bad news this is bad news and i hear more bad news i lost here's the here's the let me. I lost. Here's the, here's the, let me list my Ls for Christmas. Lost a Pokemon. To who? Seven year old nephew or six years old.

And, and it was not Dex. We built ourselves. It was fucking stock Dex. Get the fuck outta here. By one energy card. And by stock decks, I mean, we both had one prize card, one hit left, and he fucking won. And he called me stupid. He said, that was a stupid move.

And you're said, you're dead, you're done. Come on, Monkel. Go fuck yourself. That. Go fuck yourself. That. Go fuck yourself. It's like, Why don't you take your balls that have dropped and take them the fuck out of my house. Fuck you, buddy.

It's like, I'll be seeing you out now. Seeing you out now. What deck did you use? I don't remember. It was, I don't know. It was some combo deck, you know. I can't remember. I don't know. It was some combo deck, you know. I can't even pronounce them. What happened to Pokemon's that just look like an animal,

like an electric horse? Man. I've got some kind of thing that I think I could fuck wiggling around. I don't wanna play this Pokemon. I would hit on this bitch. Well then it like, I looked at some of the cards and there's the one that's a fucking skyscraper.

So I'm like, at what point? It's like, yeah, it's a fucking skyscraper. I'll show you after this. We're gonna play some Pokemon. Yeah, we're gonna play for this. All right, teach me how to beat this little fuck. I think he's just that good. He has every card memorized.

I think he- Every strat he's like, gasp braw. He fucking, yeah. And he talks shit too. The Bobby Fisher of Pokemon cards. Yeah, Gasparov. Fucking, yeah. And he talks shit too. The Bobby Fisher of Pokemon cards. Yeah, the same way. I lost at Pokemon, and then I lost at archery. Actual archery?

Yes. To the same kid. What the fuck? You didn't just turn your bow and shoot him in the temple. It shoots. First of all, he got to shoot from the kid's tee for no reason. You didn't just turn your bow and shoot him in the temple. Hey, shits! First of all, he got to shoot from the kids' tee for no reason. Me and his brother were like, this is fucking horse shit. He's this is horse shit to let him shoot from halfway.

He's got to shoot back with everybody else. And he didn't even have to cry to get there. Like, I would understand if he was crying or finacrye. Right. But he was not finacry. Oh yeah, that was my third resolution. Finacry. Start using bet.

Bet, that's a good resolution. Bet, I gotta, look, they're gonna know. They're gonna know me. If I say cool or word, they're gonna go like, who is this grandpa? Yeah. I gotta start throwing in, but Ralph does it. Ralph says it all the time.

Well, you know, as the arbiter of the guy who is example, you should be following. Ralph. I can definitely. Ralph, I know it's Ralph, because he always wins. He does, dude. Ralph has this magical ability. People don't understand Ralph's secret.

Ralph's secret is that he tricks you into thinking that your, that his win condition is to merely survive. Ralph tricks you, an ordinary man, you would have some kind of a conflict. And you would both stack your fortunes like, like, Glomgold versus Scrooge McDuck. Right. And then you would see who has more, right? Ralph gets in your brain and he's fighting with his wife's father. He's going for golf score instead of a bowling

score. Ralph, Ralph doesn't even have to play. Right. He makes you play against, you're playing against yourself. And so any errors at all, he's already won. That's what he, Ralph has this magical ability to frame it as though unless he collapsed his dead, he wins. He makes people so upset and fury is at him because they can't control him with shame. I told Nick Fuentes this because I was so upset that Michael A. Alberto didn't do his wide as everyone hate Ralph Alberto documentary.

Did you hear about this? I don't want to get into e-salebrity stuff at the front of the show. I'm talking about my Pokemon losses. Right, good call. But I said the reason everyone hates Ralph is because he cannot be controlled with shame. And no one else in the world has the stability.

That's a good point. So they get so worked up that they're like, well, he's got to, he's got to all this shame. He should be feeling it should be dead. There's he should be fucking dead. Like the worst thing people want to do right is public speaking. Right. he should be dead. He should be fucking dead. Like the worst thing people want to do right is public speaking. Right.

More than being dead. It's like, well, I would rather be dead than public speaking. Because of the shame, right? But he doesn't feel any. You just keep, people keep piling it on. He's like, yeah, well, whatever. And they get so upset.

No, no. I don't even think there's a cartoon character's exhibit, the same sort of pattern. Like SpongeBob is unable to, a Squidward's unable to like chastise him. You know, the Roadrunner cannot be caught. He's just always going. He's unstoppable.

Unstoppable. Juggernaut of terror. Yes. Man. So I'll pick up out of terror. Yes. The man. So I'll pick up using bet from him at Ralph Amania. He's a whole man. He started the year hard with feuds. Alex Stein. I have an idea.

I have an idea. I'm looking to all of this, but all of this. These renex dads are something else. Man. Like, whoo. That's quite a decision. You made whatever. Such a woo-hoo-hoo. Yeah. That's quite a decision, you may, whatever. Oh.

What's your Disney parents? No shit. Use bet more. Okay, keep me in two of these. Number one, I always have beer and whiskey. Two, stop letting people call me fat online. And three, start using bet. All right.

Let's start the show. Is that thing? Ah. Mary. Merry Christmas, everyone. Merry Christmas. Yeah. How come you need to get love?

Did you get as a show? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in Christmas limbo. I don't know what to call this period. What is I? It's the holiday bankruptcy period. The layout stoppage time. It's Christmas stoppage time where everything is met with a bar humbug. Hey, my sister texted me. Hey, your nephew's got some some like coupons for this card store. You want to go with, you want to go with us over to thousand oaks? No, no, I don't want to do anything.

Yeah, doesn't you know how far away thousand oaks is? I know I owe you nothing. I owe none of you nothing. Leave me alone. Get the fuck away from me. Get the fuck away from me. Leave me alone for this next week. It's mine.

It's my time. Leave me get the hell away from me. Yeah. Oh. Get away from me. This week I'm like, I don't wanna do a fucking thing. I don't want anyone to see me. I don't want anyone to just,

I just, I don't even look at me. You've looked enough. Yeah, you've got to take your lights down and see them and die. I don't even wanna see anybody- You don't even look at me! You've looked enough! Yeah, you've- Take your lights down and- I don't even want to see anybody! It's a- it's a two-way street. I don't want to see anybody, and I don't want to see anybody- I thought everyone would disappear after all that Christmas shifts-

Get away from me! My Christmas wish was that everyone else would disappear. Home alone, forever! Home alone for ever! Fucking- Happy Christmas! I wish you all would just vanish and die. I'm gonna go live by myself in the attic.

Hey, I did it, did it, did it. Fighting the sticky bandits forever. Every day is the same fucking day. Man, we watched home alone too. Do you remember the part where Daniel Stern turns into a fucking skeleton? Yeah, of course. Fuck that movie. Who is the guy who produced it?

Fuck that guy. The first one was so perfect. And then the second one, I remember being a kid in the theater going, oh man, here we fucking go. Here we fucking go. And they immediately start getting hit in the head with bricks. And I think, what the fuck? A brick.

That will kill you. And then I look around and I think, what the fuck? A brick, that will kill you. And then I look around and I see people, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,elone too, if I was a kid, why bricks? What the fuck? It's start going out of rage. Yeah, that's gonna, that would take six bricks. The one guy got hit with six bricks. You go to the hospital, bro.

That person would be a fucking mushed water baller after that. Like, are you fucking kidding me? I just sat there going. It's bricks to the face. And then just when you think it's like, okay, maybe they fucked up. Maybe some chick did that and it's like,

oh, this will be funny bricks and the dress is like, all right, whatever. Don't fucking let her do the brick thing. Touching live wires, turning into a skeleton. Yeah. Like, how the fuck? Yeah, they're going. How you fuck this up?

Yeah, they tried to capture the magic of the first one. Couldn't do it. With stupid cartoon bullshit. Um, skeleton, man. And Kevin McAllister sexually assaults a woman. That's right. He pinches her ass to get her to turn around and slap the sticky bandits. I don't know.

I mean, I don't know if that's pedophilia or me too, or what? Yeah. But it exists and it's all part of our childhood. So I lost at, enjoy your holiday, enjoy a holiday stoppage time. No one can, and the emails are starting to sneak in. I've seen that.

From work where people are like, okay, I'm done with my Christmas time. Hey, here's an email. So when we get back to work, man, get it with me. Every work email I haven't seen, which I don't know how that could be a thing. I don't know possibly how I don't see work emailed, but for everyone that I'm not seeing, I just know that when I check that fucking inbox, I'm fucked. It's going to be flooded. Fuck. check that fucking inbox. I am fucked. It's going to be flooded. Fuck. W-A-T-P crossover event, patreon.com slash it to show.

COVID was a hoax. Just want to remind everyone of that while Sean's not here and the vaccine will kill more than more people than COVID and will probably kill you if you took it. That science just wanted to let everyone actually not hear because he's nursing off some vaccine symptoms. Vaccine related his penis fell off because of the vaccine. His balls got so big they just fell off. They fell off. They swole up with with whatever that goo. You see every time they show like blood, this blood was taken from a vaccinated patient. And it looks like a bunch of gummy worms. Yeah. I don't believe that shit. I don't know. You're telling me you don't believe that.

I don't know. I have to see that. I'm gonna have to see that come out twice. I don't know about that. They stick the needle in the arm and just like a bunch of those like spring snakes pop out. stick the needle in the arm and just like a bunch of those like spring snakes pop out. You're gonna give blood have you been vaccinated? No. All right here you go. Boy, I see the cover really getting due. Uh, because of Sean. Yep. That's happening all over the world. Thanks, Sean. And the country, thanks a lot. So I lost at archery, I lost at Pokemon,

I lost at miniature golf. I didn't even fuck that up. I don't know, these fucking kids, all they do all day is play sports. Now I have to work and slave over hot comedy bits. Like Mike, did you see my pretending to be Carl in the last biggest problem episode? I didn't.

Oh, you didn't see that? I haven't, no. This is worth a watch. Let me see. Let me cue it up for you, Johnny. I know you're a fan of comedy. A big fan of comedy bits. A big fan of comedy bits.

A big fan of comedy bits. See if I can cue this up for you. I only watched the funniest. Carl put me on the cringe of the week. So I had a response to Carl to see if he thought this was cringe. Here's man. There's me in a carol.

See, I've cut Carl. Do you see what I did there? How I cut Carl's face out. It looks like a real deep fake. It's great. See? I was thinking that's good. That's great.

We're selling $400 meat Carl tickets before the show. So that's come to our before the comedy dinner show. How many dinner can tell you come get dinner with me. Carl. Dinner with me. I love this. It's 90s. So you think that's good. That's pretty good. And I realized that deep fakes exist and that I probably could have just put the picture into it. That's not funny. That's way better. That's so much better.

Taste of failure right here. This high noon vodka black cherry. Not not in 2023, my friend. Beers. Beers and whiskey only in this house. I lost it. Minister golf archery and Pokemon. Well, I lost it. Minister golf, archery, and Pokemon. Well, I lost it at archery, my dad said,

wow, you lost it at the children's game and the man's game. It's OK. Did you just kick him in his fake leg? How long are you sitting on that one? Yeah. Old man waiting for that one. And then my drum girlfriend says, well, you won at trivia.

And my whole family goes, that's right. You didn't win at trivia. Ha, ha, ha, ha, that's even worse. You fucking nerd. The one thing you're good at. One thing you called through on. Major look stupid. Bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap.

Ah. Ah, not manly at all. Not a good day. I was at a little holiday family party. And my girlfriend's cousin goes showing me some of his stickers and stuff he's making. Oh, yeah. And he's like, check these out.

These are selling, these are big sellers. Check it out. They're fuck Kanye stickers. I was like, okay. And I was showing clips promoting it. Yeah. Of like the Alex Jones Nick Fwentes interview. And I'm like, uh, buddy that like a big no Nazi thing. And I'm like, buddy, that happened in my house. Yeah. I mean, no. Oh, that's so good. My those are my those are my friends.

You like, hey, man, what the fuck? Those are my friends You like came in with the fuck I like those guys To long without the lunch with them I can't wait to give him a shit about that That's so funny You know what? So here's some butt Kanye stick He's like, what? I mean, but I love, I love Kanye. You feel like I have the target sampler button thing.

Yeah. And it's all Kanye. What do you mean? Oh, I was instrumental to making that happen. Yeah. Oh, well, you know, you can imagine, hey, buddy, what have you weren't? Basement we're sitting in exactly where this fucking sticker is.

Oh. Yeah. That's pretty fucking good. Here's a, here's a Christmas gem. Kevin Sorbo said, I hope the atheists got tons of gifts to evolve out of nothing under their tree today. What are you supposed to make? I think that is the funniest thing I have ever heard. Put that on a f**king bumper sticker and take that atheist.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, you atheists. Got a ton of gifts to evolve out of nothing. Got a un-treated aisle up and post that joke on a bulletin board somewhere. He needs a fedora. It's come all the way around, right? Yeah. I hope all you AZ has got a bunch of Christmas presents to evolve out of nothing. Yeah.

Aren't you your treat today? The consumer clause. Well, where did Santa come from then? What? It's unfuckin' believable. Everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything.

I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything.

I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything.

I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. There's like, somebody can walk you through it. If you want to take the time, they're like, you know, well, what is the, what do they think it evolved out of? Well, there's, you know, there's like kind of ideas and stuff. I fucking hate everything. It's not a presence evolving out of nothing. So fucking, everything is stupid.

It's just unbelievable. That was a capper for me. And then Andrew Tate hit us with this gem, which I hope he posts every year. Did you happen to see that one? No. Andrew Tate. I've been in the first...

He's deviating. And you're rock-a-later. Andrew Tate's deviating from my material and introducing some of his own, and it's not going... Well, it's not, nobody bats a hundred percent. Right. Let me see if I can find it.

Do-do-do-do. Salvo pancakes can be a Ralph Emanuele can't wait for that. W-A-T-P. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Oh yeah, here's Andrew Tates message, Christmas day message. You are poor. You are unimportant. Men do not fear you. Your woman disagrees with you. Your lives are shit. I was forced. If I was forced to endure a year of your life, it would be the worst level of depression imaginable. That's it. End of tweet. That's it. End of tweet. Does Mary Christmas, Charlie Brown? That's a Bible verse, right?

Date Jesus. Date 12, 25. Who is he talking to? I don't know. If I was forced to endure a year of your life, it would be the worst depression imaginable. Fuck. Can't even imagine it.

Cause it's so bad. Couldn't imagine being me for. I'm a professional, I'm a professional. I'm a professional, I'm a professional. I'm a professional, I'm a professional. I'm a professional, I'm a professional. I'm a professional. I'm a professional. I'm a professional. I'm a professional. I'm a professional.

I'm a professional. I'm a professional. I'm a professional. I'm a professional. I'm a professional. I'm a professional. I'm a professional. I'm a professional.

I'm a professional. I'm a professional. I'm a professional. I'm a, okay, I like it. I don't play it often, but what I do with to like, it's usually only ever in person. Because online, I get to smoke, but if I play people in person, then you can talk shit the whole time and get in their head. Yeah, because people are cheating online too. Right. So I can compute your chat. That.

I don't know. But yeah, I'm not that great. And then there's people in the comments going like totally agree with you. Like what are you talking about you? What do you? What do you agree? I don't really agree. These guys are so fucking lame.

I kill myself. Oh, you know what else is a fun Christmas activity? Killing yourself. No, you go on. My girlfriend shows us me. You go on Twitter on Christmas day and search for the phrase, the quote phrase, kill myself. Oh.

And there's people talking about how they're gonna kill themselves and stuff. Zero likes. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Guys, they're like, we're doing on Christmas morning. It's like, I finally got a gun. I'm fine. I'm not gonna do it today, but I'm fine. I can definitely kill myself. Zero likes. Oh.

Like, why would you do that to yourself? If you know, no one gives a fuck, and then to go do that, you give yourself the insanity. Yeah, right? Just kill yourself. Everybody hates me. Like, well, if you're gonna be like that, then fucking yeah.

Fucking Christmas time. I'm still not recovered because of our, my girlfriend gets the bright idea or guys, goes, well, let's, everyone's spending the night at your parents' house. So let's go up, let's go up there. And I was like, hey, how about,

no, how about we just stay at our house and sleep in and then let them open all their fucking shit and go up at like nine or something. You know? She goes, oh no, but I like seeing everyone open their presents and it's fun. Okay. So we get in there like 11, 30 or something

with the dog and the dog is like, well, where are the other dogs? I gotta see, I smell them. So she's like running around the house, going, where the fuck are the other dogs? I gotta see, I smell them. So she's like running around the house, going, where the fuck are all the dogs? Where are these guys? She's running around my parents' house, I'm like, I fucking smell them. Where are they like freaking out?

Freaking out? Oh my God, fuck. All right, she'll tire out. This is take her to bed, close the door, and she'll tire out for five hours. She's in there going, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. Trying to, standing up and trying to open the door,

like in words what she can do, is right to barricade the door from the inside. She's in there in the entire night. This is worse than like an amphetamine, like trying to go to sleep on acid. Right. Uh, any, any kind of creek outside the door is, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

coming back and forth. So I finally nod off at about five, five, 29. Right. The boys are up at 530 looking for Santa's Christmas presents where she's immediately, more you can hear the other dogs, like, is it just kind of one of those things where you like strong armed the door straight open and just like shut the fuck up. Like you just like tell them. I opened it.

I was like, opened it. Let her out. Like there's no way. There's no fucking way. I'm going back to sleep after that. Gee. So it's basically, it was basically the worst depression imaginable. Yeah, for a whole year.

Right. Let's see what else I got here. Did you see Zelensky wearing that Christmas sweater? The Christmas military sweater. In front of Congress, you didn't see that? Jesus. Uh, Zelensky, Zelensky Auto, Congress, address. Yeah, yeah, this is a good one.

Zelensky, Mr. Zelensky goes and takes pictures with all of Congress while they're giving him, while they're giving, while they're giving Zelensky and Ukraine all the money that belongs to black people as far as I'm concerned, all that money, all that money was earmarked for black people and their reparations. A hundred percent after George Floyd was murdered by fentanyl, the whole country agreed. We got to give black people money. Am I wrong? A lot of the country was like, well, we got to give black people some money.

And black people were like, hell yeah, let's go. And I was like, I've got to be black somehow. Well, now it's a good time to be Ukrainian, I guess. Yeah, then Zalinski comes in and says, hey, I heard you guys had some money. You're giving black somehow. Well, now it's a good time to be Ukrainian, I guess. Yeah. Then Zalesski comes in and says, Hey, I heard you guys had some money. You're giving black people. How about you give it us? They're like, we also are black people. We also are black people. We definitely aren't. You can't, you can't see it. I can't believe you didn't see this. No, like I said, you got to assume I've just been under a rock. Okay. No, like I said, you gotta assume we're just been under a rock.

Okay. The last time I've seen you. So this is like the president of Ukraine, right? Zelensky. And these are like two hover moms, Nancy Pelosi, the greatest investor in history. Okay. And Kamala Harris, the world's greatest super cop blocking up people on drug crimes

and they're presenting him with a Ukrainian flag that I guess they signed, which would be kind of weird. It's a respectful and our country, right? If you sign the flag. It's very disrespectful. Like you couldn't even, they painted the US flag, the trans pride flag on the street,

and you couldn't even drive on it. Remember that? Oh yeah, that's right, yeah. Yeah, they're like, no, that's a hate crime to drive on the street. Well, I always thought a hate crime, if we sign your country's flag. They renamed Martin Luther King Boulevard,

but sex avenue, and painted a big trans pride flag on it, and you couldn't drive on it unless you put, come on your tires like chains. You had to pull over and put your mittens on. All right, honey, I'm gonna help this kid put, come on the tires, 10 bucks, but it's worth it. She's, no, and she goes, just pay the kid and he goes, I've got plenty of come.

I can come all over these tires. Things out there coming on the tires. And the kids are like 10 bucks coming on other guys' tires. On the phone, like, yeah, on other guys tires on the phone like yeah I'm a St.agers but sex like he wears where are you standing at? Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah, 69 and but sex app 69th Street and but sex they're all 69th Street on but sex Avenue So they presented him with this

Flag that they fucking signed like it's the declaration of dependence. I don't have a good server. What the fuck even is this? Can't you sign like a letter or something? You don't have to sign the flag and then clumsily bend over to get his attention. But I wonder why is he in this pretend military sweatshirt? Anything that's a little odd.

See this? Oh yeah. Green like Camo. So he was like so busy doing war that he couldn't even put a suit on. Sorry guys, just had to stop in for 10 minutes just from all this war I'm in. All right.

God, it's so dumb. I just hate, I hate the country. They airdrop them in. I hate this country. I hate the government and I hate almost everyone in it. Yeah I'm almost Easily half probably 90% because they look at this and see wow that guys. Oh man That's that military guy look he's wearing that military sweater. Why else would be wearing that military sweater?

It wasn't doing so much war They met with biting with that Jesus Yeah, no everything is fucking stupid man I wasn't doing so much war. I think Matt was biting with that. Jesus. Yeah, no, everything is fucking stupid, man. Getting old is tight, because then you could just be like, man, everything's getting even dumber and dumber, and even more fucking dumb,

just as always gets worse. Have you heard of this guy, Lex Friedman? I feel like I've heard the name. I don't know any again. I hate him now. I'm just trying to get familiar with the new people who will have infinite control over our lives as AI takes over. AI's already taking over.

Gonna be writing newspapers soon. AI has been nerfed. So incredibly that if like you ask that chat, that chat bot. Oh yeah. Like what's a good reason to have fossil fuels It'll go they're on in Like okay That's it if you see like make a joke about men and look like okay. What do you call?

Well, I'm like what do you call a what do you call a man with a pregnant wife a cashman an ATM? I mean like like, okay. I was like, make a joke about women. Like, well, I'm not programmed to make divisive sorts of comments like that. And so, oh, that is. That's like, it's already pre-programmed to fuck you now, who over? Yeah. So then for it to be like, for everyone's fear of like,

Hey, I is going to take over everything. I'm like, it only can take in or like put out what you feed it and like Yeah, like it's only like subsets of things. It's never gonna supersede the fucking thing it is Watch I'm sure as I say that I'm like fuck retard. You know shit, which is also true But it just seems like from the little bit I've seen, it's like, well, it's all just like deviations. It's never like this original. It's always bullshit. It's just like a bunch of bullshit.

So then if it's like, if you think of, if in the decision tree of it all, it's just like you only allow it to say things like that, it's only ever going to put that out. So then now you have this new council of evil. So Joe Rogan, right? He almost stopped the fake COVID pandemic hoax that was created to get Trump out of office and enslave America and take the remaining wealth and power from Americans and give it to the demons and pedophiles that control our country, right?

Joe Rogan almost stopped that by asking basic questions and not reacting when people called him dumb. So he's going like, well, I don't know, it doesn't, why don't I just take this? And then everyone called him stupid and he's like, no, but why don't I just do the, but why, why come, just asking a series of why come questions? So they selling in this slick, uh, this slick lying, uh, midget, another one. The government sent in their own little midget to take Lex Friedman, who's now like,

who's like their answer to Joe Rogan, who's like a science Joe Rogan, uh, and like a pretentious asshole that wears a suit and pretends to be an MIT researcher Even though all of his speeches took place at the equivalent of MIT TEDx like MIT's Stoppage time over Christmas where they let anyone give a talk you could go give a talk on Pokemon cards That's where's fucking talks come from and his research includes up and his research includes how to make cars navigate in a fucking underground tunnel like all of his research is fake papers and horses shit like why the government should mandate masks that he co-signs and then promotes directly to the press and blocks all the scientists who call him out on that size he's it's beyond

it's so beyond astroturfed to think anything that he's coming in with is real is fucking retarded but this is the new science priest class that gets to introduce you to this bogus AI that says that says that coincidentally says everything that makes the government rich is the best thing to do with every possible opportunity. Anyway, uh, funny how that works. Funny how that works, isn't it? You know, we made this AI that makes our lives better in your life. Here lives a lot worse.

Oh, wow. Oh, it's AI. It's out of my control. I had nothing to do with influencing it to do exactly what it's fucking doing. And AI identify fat chicks on Tinder. No. No. No. It can all, no, sorry.

But it says you shouldn't be, it says you need to pay more taxes for the carbon for the driving. Oh, wow. It's drive to pay more in carbon because my wife's so fat, no. That's got nothing to do with it. You can pay more for insurance.

And the insurance is because you, because you get in more accidents because you're unvaccinated. Do you see that one? That headline turns out COVID people are unvaccinated get more accidents. Yep. Okay, that's the most accurate way to phrase that the unvaccinated people get more fucking accent. Yeah, it's true. That's true. Yeah, didn't you read the news? Yeah, if you said, Stan, you sleep there. You should look at your TV. Lex Friedman, he's such a slick little cocksucker.

I hate people that pretend to be scientists. Like, I don't pretend to be scientists. All right. I just ask why come questions. I'm not up here pretending to, I'm not up here posing in front of a bunch of calculus that has not posing, my profile picture is not me posing in front of a bunch of calculus that has not posing, my profile picture is not me posing in front of a bunch of math that I did not do and has nothing to do with my discipline.

The equivalent of pulling up like a fish. Yeah, that I didn't catch. Check this out. Look at this. You didn't catch that, asshole. Yeah. I listen to some of his talk. He sounds like a fucking retarded person.

It probably is, knowing the state of affairs. Yeah, because he's a fucking CIA agent, probably. Okay. Are you gonna touch these? Tim Tamms. Those are Vito has claimed those. Every time Vito comes in here, he takes a new, he opens a new snack and he asks the same fucking routine.

I'm like, you gonna, well, I mean, if you're not gonna finish them, my mind will take one or 10. All the snacks in here for a fair game. Sorry, Vito. Vito had a good year. Biggest problem, Patience. Kickin' ass.

That's great. We're gonna be up Carl's ass in no time. Well, then not sorry, Vito. Fuck you. Fuck you. Speaking of, we have a crossover live show April 22nd WATP. Nick Riccade is going to be there. Oh shit.

It's going to be a big super show. You should come. I fuck yeah. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, getting wheeled out. The Pentagon is inside Twitter. Does anyone, do you even care about those Twitter files? I don't care about anything anymore dogs. Yeah me. There's don't give a fuck

I'm just trying to be good at pulling more cars man me too. I just have to beat my fucking nephew. That's what I'm saying like What is all your caring about it gonna do change something? It's gonna shrink your penis. It's going to shrink your penis. It's going to give you COVID. She's quick-carried about it. Okay, here is, you want to see Putin saving a kid from having gay parents. This is involved to 9 millimeter brown. Three 9 millimeter.

No, I don't think so. This is a little break. We'll just a little Putin break while we refresh our palettes here, Johnny. This is a commercial that Russia put out. I don't know if there's a, I don't know if it's the Russian government or what? Doesn't seem to be advertising a product.

From, right. Whatever. It's fucking hilarious though. Russian ad depicts Putin as Santa Claus using magic to save a child from having gay dads, wearing pink and LGBT. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I swear to God,

that omnibus bill passed for $1.7 trillion, which actually in the bill, it says they don't have to do this like offset the spending anymore. So I think it's actually like two and a half trillion dollars, because you're the bill, it says they don't have to do this like offset the spending anymore. So I think it's actually like two and a half trillion dollars because they're not doing that anymore and they didn't put that in. And they go on Twitter to see like, oh wow, people must be pissed about this. And the first thing that pops up is like a gay drag show is like, oh, God, whatever.

Fuck you. Eat poop. That crickets. Eat crickets, assholes. I hope those gay drag queens rape fuck you. Eat poop. That's crickets. Eat crickets, sassals. I hope those gay drag queens rape everyone you know, actually. Eat the bugs, eat the bugs. Okay, here. Russia believes that, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So there's candles and it's cold. Candles, definitely gay. Oh yeah, there's a bunch of like ballerina, shit, dresses. Yeah, stuff of LGBTQ plus and straight into That's crazy that they that the Russians put in this propaganda is straight into gay That's the name of the book. So they're turning this kid gay. They're just, yeah. Gender me, render me, render me, gender me. It's pretty funny. You got to render kids down like

fat. Just boil them down alive. They're straight out of them, make them gay. LGBT modern, modern studies, okay. I'm interested. Pretty ominous. Here's a little boy. Oh, she's just rice. Just throw the bench. I'm like the Russian propaganda department. That seems like you, they probably just laughed their asses off

making this so holy shit. Oh, I hope so. What if they're all serious? That makes it almost even funnier. Like, look, we really got like, the boiled to sound. Right. Gotta have, we can't go too far.

Or else we won't. How do we let people know we're serious about this issue? But I'm still like, holy fuck. Yeah, so did they have a pitch meeting and then somebody's like, yeah, having like sucking up popsicle like the kid, like, oh, they're like, that's not, that's not funny. He's like, oh. This boot amount into the snow. That's it back in the field. That's all we were. I thought we were doing funny. Sorry. So he's writing a letter by Candelite. His nails aren't done. Candelite also gay.

That's a missed opportunity. Nails aren't done. He's drawing a picture of his drawing picture dad. Is he? Oh. Ah. Ah. Ah, Hmm.

Ah, Jesus. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! How many revisions did this go through? The little kid in the pink dress. I'm sure it's with two gay dads.

All right. So the two gay dads wanted to turn the kid into a girl. That doesn't make, that's not, that doesn't track. I don't understand any of that. They would turn the kid gay, wouldn't they? It should. Lesbians would turn him into a girl. Are there gay?

There's no two gay dads to turn gay. There's no gay lesbians out there. Yeah, yeah, that doesn't exist. Are there gay? There's no two gay dads. There's no gay lesbian's out there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That doesn't exist. Okay. Now here's a glitter clatter on the rooftop.

There's like very ominous views. Yeah, look. He flies down the chimney. Close up of the two gay dads. Okay, we already seen these LGBT things. Let's go. Pick up the pacing. Little kids. Little gay kids peaking at stuff.

He's acting kind of pretty. Is it any test Is that the caption? No, I mean, Rudy, it says that. Oh, the candles just blew out. All right, the kids looking at him, effeminately, saying a prayer, I don't know what to poop. I guess, I don't know what to poop, and I guess, I don't know. Why is the American Jew trending?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! She's just... Hmm. There's Santa. Okay. You're rainbow. Kid went to sleep. Santa's using magic.

Santa's setting up stupid stuff. Oh, Santa set up leather shoes, a soccer ball. Cruisive fix Santa. They couldn't have a close up of the hand setting this. This is fucking Russians. That is great. Santa's bringing you Jesus thing. And soccer.

Fuck. And leather shoes. Like a man. Okay. That's it. Oh. Ah. Ah.

Santa replaced one of the guys in the picture with a very sexy Russian woman. Ah. Ah. Is is real. That's what I'm saying. They were probably laughing their asses off making this like, man, fuck those Americans. This is funny, and then anything I could do.

Right, that's what it's like, it's so like replacing the dad. Can't back over. Trum said, okay, oh there's Santa. Good to shoot out of here. Santa's eating a cookie or something. Santa's smiling, oh Santa pulls his beard down and it's Putin. It looks exactly like Putin. Dear Santa, thank you and Merry Christmas. What?

Who knows where that came from. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's great. The EU did something with carbon credits, who cares? Yeah, that doesn't matter. Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Let's see, I've got some dick show predictions. We'll do that in a little bit.

Immigration information, this is kind of interesting. 75, how many people, well, like what percentage of people do you think are hip to immigration? What do you think people, how many Mexicans do you think people, people think are coming into America? If you had to guess. Probably more than...

Like what's the biggest, what is the most common answer survey says that at that, how many Mexicans come into the US illegally every year? 20 billion. No, not, not on the board, Johnny, some large, you think it's too large? So the actual answer is interesting. How many border crossings by illegal immigrants, do you think are occurring each year? Less than 100,000, 16% of people thought there was less than 100,000 illegal Mexicans coming in every year. Damn.

That's not very many people. That's not very many people. That's two John Gestadiums full of Mexicans. That's not very many people. That's not very many people. That's two jogger stadiums full of Mexicans. That's it. Yearly? Yeah, every year. What's 16% like one in eight? One in eight people said, how many Mexicans you think are illegal Mexicans you think are

coming in the year? I don't know. Like two stadiums full? No. Wrong. Incorrect. Uh, 21% thought between 100,000 and 250,000. That's too big of a range. So we're talking almost.

That's a fucking range, yeah. Almost 30, almost 40%. 30, 37% of people thought it was less than a quarter million. Damn. Between 250 and half a million, so now we're talking at over half of people thought it was 500,000 or less, which is off. I think it's a million or more, isn't it?

I have no idea. I think it's a million or more. So only, wow, so between half a million and a million is 20%. So already we're down 20, 40, wow, so between half a million and a million is 20%. So already we're down 20, 40, 60, or three fourths of people don't even think it's as much as it is, and less. So three fourths of people are not aware of how bad it is.

That is catastrophic. Okay, now here, when they are told, oh no, I was, shit, I was way off. 2.75 million came in. Jesus. Okay, so 90% of people didn't know how bad it was. I think it's lower than it is. Over 2.7 million people came into the US illegally last year, more than 1 million more in the

previous 12-month period. Okay, so it was 1.75 and then last year it was 2.75. Given those numbers should be the administration to continue its policies, or issue more strict policies to reduce the flow of people coming across the border. When you tell them how many it is, 60, 2 thirds of people say that it should be stopped.

Isn't that crazy? Yeah. So nobody actually knows, almost nobody knows how many illegal Mexicans are coming into the country. Hey man. And as soon as you tell them, they're like, oh yeah, stop it. Security through obscurity, right?

That's fucking wild. You never know the numbers. It's not a problem. Maybe they should stop doing the drag queen shit and just say, hey, there's three million Mexicans coming into the country. They've repeated over and over and over. Oh, that's not my problem.

Yeah. Okay. Maybe the drag queens should start saying it. Then they won't know what to do. Everyone will listen. If the drag queens read stories about like how there's too many Mexicans, okay, kids. That would be, right? That would be a good one. All right, get your

dicks out. I got to read you this book called Too Many Mexicans. Okay. There's actually three million, uh, it's conservative people can be like, what the wait a minute. I don't like that dicks part, but I do like, but I do like the too many Mexicans part. It do like the two Mexicans part. Oh, thank God. Christmas miracle. Iran banned women in college and banned them from working in non-government organizations. I'm going to move there. Oh, that account got suspended. This is band college.

It's a step in the right direction. The step in the right direction, yeah. Just fucking learn something useful. All these guys are not cool. Get out of school and go do something fucking useful. Look at all these dudes walking out of exam. Their exam and protest of the Taliban. What do you think there was?

You're telling me the Taliban? The Taliban banned women from college, what? They're just like, look, you said the day, what do you expect? What are we supposed to do? You guys are the ones doing all this education shit. That's... It's a Christmas miracle. Look at them, sipping as hard as possible,

getting all their faces in the camera. Oh, look at us, ladies. Yeah, we're walking out. See, look, that's the Taliban. They fucked up the US for 20 years, but we're going to walk right out of this lecture. We'll show them. We're going to put peer pressure on them on, welcome, Twitter. We're going to shave the Taliban. We don't care idiots. We're gonna shame the Taliban. We don't care idiots, we only care about Ukraine now. Go fucking, you're gonna get your heads chopped off. You dickless idiots, fuck you. Get a fucking clue.

Everything else out, Ukraine in. Do not put, make them work for it. Make them work to get back in at least. Got a bunch of omnibus shit here. I don't care about that. Yeah, who gives a fuck about that? Who gives a fuck? Hmm, let's see.

Comment. Give us the Christmas fucking slump, man. It's just who gives a shit about anything? Not me. Like, fucking why, man. Thanks for your perspective, man. Just trying to keep in with the season, man. Um, dirty penguins sent me this super-sized salon star.

Jamie Lopez dead after heart complications. That watch today and that news. Oh, Johnny. Look at our super size salon star Jamie Lopez dead at 37 tons after. Oh no, excuse me, dead at age 37 after heart complications. It was from a hiking accident, right? She was on a strike. Oh,, right? She was on a strike. She was on a strike. And she tipped over and rolled and almost smushed Indiana Jones.

Is that what happened? No, I'm trying to imply that it wasn't exactly what we all think it was. It was a hiking accident. I heard it was a tractor accident and that she got mistaken for a barn and a farmer drove into her and killed her. Yeah. Did you hear that? Well, that's what happens when you treat mayonnaise like a beverage. for a barn and a farmer drove into her and killed her. Yeah. Did you hear that?

Well, that's what happens when you treat mayonnaise like a beverage. It's just, she's so fat, she can't even close her lips anymore. She's got that trout or hat, excuse me. Oh. Huh. Did someone say steak? Well, it's like, there's so much jowl

that your face, the little your jaws get tired after a while. Yeah. They end up with either extremely buff jaws or... She needs a chin girdle. Like a, like a, like a mask, a tie on the top of your head, like a whole deep-o back brace. Could you imagine this bitch working at home, Deep-o?

No. Going down the aisles. Deep-o-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-op-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop lives two in the back. I'm four different palates. I heard she got two, she was at a photo shoot and that NASA asteroid deflection machine accidentally deflected her into the sun right in the stucker for a meteor. Did you hear about that? I did actually.

Tragic shame. Well, you know what they say, healthy at any size. Oh yeah, just not for too long. Right. Not for not to healthy at any size until your mid 30s. Lots of lies. Lots of lies. Jamie Lopez, the driving force behind baby doll,

beauty coachur, is coachur a fat word now? Cause it makes me wanna throw up when I hear it. I guess so. I think it's like yogurt cultures. Cultures? Oh, my mistake, baby doll beauty culture. And star of super sized salon. I shouldn't make Donald sue them for that.

Like we don't want our super sized shit. We have it. We have it. We haven't had anything super sized in quite some time cause of you, but can't be using that term. She had had anything super sized in quite some time because you but Can't be using that term God look they they couldn't even light her like they lit only one half of her body like the moon the other side of her is like a dark side Studio lighting you need to figure out a new method of studio lighting for these pictures because she's so fat The light doesn't get over there in the time that it needs to get back to the camera.

Okay, physics jokes. Uh, solar array. They have to use harp to fucking lighter. Yeah, they need to take like multiple, they need to take long exposures to let the light bounce off the backside to get back in. Um, source is close to Lopez, but still a mile and a half away. Tell us she'd been hospitalized in Las Vegas and in Reno and tie at the same time, get it? Could she so fat and died over the weekend and died around the weekend. She died around Saturday and we literally mean around Saturday as a result of heart complications

as COVID vaccine death. It's a vaccine injury. It's a vaccine injury or else your fat foe but it's a vaccine injury. A rep for a BBC said in a statement, we regretfully announce with great pain. Okay. Much like her ankle.

Yes. with great pain. Okay. Much like her ankles. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. She had horse ankles. They're studying them. She was, she was hoved creating diamonds. This is in between all those joints. She's doing as a side, side hustle.

Put some carbon in her pussy. and she would pop a diamond out. Stop diamonds. Ever is she walking through the dirt parking lot making diamonds? Scrooge me, ducted that. We regretfully announce with great pain, the passing of the founder and owner. Why is the founder capitalized and owner of babydoll? Well, the founder passed, but she also owned a business. The founder and owner of babydoll beauty coachure, the legendary like King Kong.

Jamie, Jamie Lopez. James is like Michael Buffer, King Kong Bundy, the legendary, we regretfully announce with great pain, the passing of the founder and owner of Babydoll Beauty Co. The legendary Jamie Lopez. In honor of Sean, she's, 8, before, yeah. Yeah. On be hoovies. Yeah. On clothing hoovies.

It be hoovies us to request, uh, seconds. Uh, you, you to request seconds. You take a seconds. On behalf of the baby doll family that you allow us time to process this tremendous. Don't put tremendous. You can't do that. You can't do that. An enormous weight falls upon us.

How dare you be fat phobic when I'm making a whole article, a whole fat joke for you to laugh at in regards to this person's death. Uh, what's that? We ask on behalf of the baby doll family that you allow us time to process this tremendous loss. So they mean literally like they get a recycle. I got a whole way. I'm trying to come to come to her oven.

Dubs? They got to make a new oven. She wanted to be cremated, but... Just drag her out. We got a sectionary, like a... We got the longshoreman need to come in and chop her up to fit her in the oven. Fill her with dynamite, like that way.

She's crazy. Eat 46 pounds though, like. Lopez, who at one point weighed 846 pounds, do they put the exact amount as out of respect or out of comedy out of like historical marvel as like a historical record that like no one else has their weight in their in their eulogy Especially down to the exact Yeah pound and grams It's funny here But then she's just got two fistfuls of Graham crackers

Man, can you jiggle the folds please you've got some oh wait hold on there's a sandwich here. We got a turduck in caught in the back of your neck. You got a wear with a parachute, like, lift her up. Uh, Lopez, who at one point weighed eight hundred, eight, eight, a comically large amount, designed her salon, well, confined to her bed. Oh, was she confined to, like, tuberculosis? If you know what I mean, I'm not sure. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time.

I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time.

I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time.

I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I think it's a lot of time. I, that's interesting. It sounds like a medical thing that you said the way you said it. Empire is holding him hostage. He's confined to his quarters. I'll confine to her bed. She's on house arrest. She's not confined. She's too fucking fat. She's well, she's confined by herself. Yeah, she's okay. By her choices. Yeah. Too heavy to get up and see the world. What, you can't do that. You can't fucking put that in an article and not expect laughter. Too heavy to get up and see the world.

You know, the company that made her bed is one structural awards. Fucking tutors. They built the guitar, the guitar Cup, you know, with sales. And NASA engineered bed. Yeah. The show followed her progress, including her 400 pound weight loss. That was not enough. And her first time walking inside the salon, the first time walking, uh, and walking inside the salon. The first time walking and walking inside the salon,

I lost 400 pounds in one year. Jesus, age, Christ. Do you know how much fatter women are gonna be in a year? This is New Year's, man. They're gonna be, dude, I'm trippin' because like think of losing 400 pounds and then mean the cost to get like 300 to go like it's still being time me 320 that I believe 20 to go Jesus baby doll beauty co-chair was founded to service plus size women who can't get out of bed. And super size salon, which premiered earlier this year on WeTV, highlighted both the salon

staff and customers, of course. We are told she was just about to begin filming for Free Willy-3. Jamie was only 37. All right. So in keeping in with Sean's tradition, she just looks like the whole cabbage patch. No longer a cabbage patch kid. Yeah. She looks like a cabbage patch.

Yeah. She looks like a cabbage patch kid. Yeah. No, she looks like the entire a patch, a cabbage patch full of cabbage patches. Wow. How do you think they get a woman that size to like the cause I've you've seen those refrigerators at morgues like in movies, right? It wouldn't fit something like that.

You need a you need a Pacific dining cars, a million dollar meat locker to the shipper to Chicago and it's in industrial grade meatpacking facility. You throw your fucking you need the teamsters to take care of this bitch. You want to swing this like the weeks worth of work right there. Okay. Let's see if I've got anymore fat watch.

Probably I do. Well, we'll miss you fat lady. Thank God there are more. We'll miss you, but you'll feed most of the ocean. We'll miss you, but not from space with the naked eye. Jesus, correct, put it fucking warning for you. Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah this with a photo of you taking fat positivity too far. Well, it's always too far because it's disgusting. You are, first of all, firstly, you're ugly,

and secondly, you're fat. Yeah. There's nothing to be positive about. Quote tweet this with a photo of you taking fat positivity too far. Yeah, that's too far. You look like a ham with like a wrapper that's been halfway peeled off and this lady and she's winking seductively at maybe another ham planet. I don't

know. Grotesque. Let's see what, let's see if we got any gems here. No. Oh, she got it all in the face here, this one. Oh my God. Eat, drink, and fuck. Diet culture. Oh, okay. Eat, drink, and fuck diet culture is supposed to be one phrase. She's trying to eat culture, drink diet culture, and fuck diet culture.

It's like a... Yeah, she's gonna eat the diet culture too. Yeah, that's smooth, yeah. She's got one of these bifurcated stomachs here. Can't really see it on the... Oops, go back. Back, back, back, back, back. I don't know if that's really taking

fat positivity too far. That's just being fat. Fat positivity is when you aggressively put, like, turn your fatness into our problem. I'm trying to resize this. There we go. Trying to resize this because they're too fat for the screen here. Don't weigh me, cards,

unless it's medically necessary. Yeah. Why? Oh my, yeah, that's the same one. Yeah. You know what the worst thing is though, like if I rip on this woman for being fat and gross, guys will compulsively insist that they, that it's hot. You know, I mean, I don't know, but it's like, why are you even, why are you participating in this? Like, it's clearly

just a slamming of fat women. Why are you like coming into simp for this picture? You got, you must aggressively defend it.. You're not wrong if you believe in it. Hard to say. Well, you got to love a well done steak. That's the best steak I've ever had. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Great. Um, I think that's it for fat watch for today. Jamie Lopez. That watch today and that news. I hope wherever Cantillians is that woman's not there.

Oh, yeah, no shit. Jesus Christ. Fuck you man. Anyway, they showed up at the same time in hell. Burning like, what's in that eye break? All of them. Look at you. Burning like, what's in that eye break? Fuck you, man. Anyway, they showed up at the same time, inhale. Burning like, what's in the eye break? Huh, all of them, look at you. Burning like a dump full of tires for all of eternity. You're gonna be burning like a tire dump

and you'll be sitting there. You'll be making small talk, pushing boulders up the piles. Cars says, for the first time in a long time, I disagree with you on something. Let's agree Elon Musk is being a pussy about his jet thing, okay, fair. Can't we agree that using disparate data sets and a novel algorithmic approach to unmask FAA data

that is supposed to be PII, which is private, is a problem? The undertaking this kid took to figure this shit out is impressive. He's a loser, though. He should be telling us who was on Epstein's plane. Don't try to manipulate me into seeing your pocket point. No, it's when the government says like, okay, everybody, the planes flying around, they're all using radar and shit to identify each other as a public, well, because they all want to do that. They don't smash into each other. Plains kind of run themselves.

I flew enough to know, it's kind of do whatever you want here, and there's basic minimum safety requirements. Right. Um, yeah, it's the government coming in and saying, oh yeah, uh, well, you're info, we're gonna just change it and it's private. Oh. Oh, okay, how does that work? Well, it doesn't. We just say it's private and then we don't like tell, we don't tell people about it and see, well, can people figure it out? Just about, yeah. Okay, well, we don't tell people about it. Well, can people figure it out?

Just about, yeah. Okay, well that doesn't really sound, yeah, it doesn't sound private. Well, that's your problem. I guess you should rely on it. Yes, you're a fucking problem. I don't know, I don't know why people defend Elon, like the privacy of jets, of private jets.

I don't, is it because private is in the name? Like the federal express, do you think that's government? Hell yeah, it's got federal in there. What the fuck is that? I'm about to stupid. Again, how do you not get all these very basic truths? I don't know why I came down on the other side of so many people on your jets not private, bro. I can fucking see it.

It's shooting out fucking radar beams all the time with identifying itself. Yeah, well, we changed the name we land. Yeah, well no shit, I know that too. There's a log of it somewhere, fucking idiot. Like, how the modern world works. Why would you, why would anyone care? Why would anyone, oh, my jet, my jet's being tracked.

That's awesome, man, go kill yourself. Ukraine's taking all black people's money and sending it overseas. You think I fucking care about a private jet? Fuck you. Yeah, fuck them. Good, actually good. More people should show up.

Yeah. They're just like, they think like that he represents like the guy from the 300, who's like, just the guy. He who's like just a guy He's a he's a con artist and he's building a team of con artists if you notice the people that he's giving the Twitter files to which are all a stupid joke and only Only idiots care about them. He's giving them to people who will who will aggressively and obnoxiously support his green energy shit After they currently doop conservatives into thinking they're on their side right now like one of the guys shelling burger was super super like

was a massive covid alarmist which a lot of people were but this guy had shelling burger md is a twitter thing okay and he didn't tell anybody like when I say shelling burger md what do you think that stands for medical doctor? Right? He waited until after the pandemic, after he was hugely famous in arguing for like lockdowns and saying everybody's going to die. Afterwards, he put in his bio, some people think MD means doctor, that's silly. It's my initials.

What the fuck? So this is one of the guys and he's like crazy green energy. The world's gonna end the same way he was with COVID, but that's the guy Elon gave this shit to to inflate his position so that he will one day turn around and start saying, actually, you know, Elon's fucking electric cars. It's a big whatever. What the fuck? What the fuck?

Julian says, for science, find me a loyal. I'll take one for the team. I'm uncircumcised. I'll go on a year-long journey to test the before and after. I could never do that. Don't, please, don't do it. Don't do it. Well, I had to make it a fun.

Not everything needs to be documentary or a little go, I did this thing for one year and look at the results. You can't get it back though, man. You'll miss it. I don't even know what it's like and I miss it. Alright, what's going on? Let's see here. Wow, wow, wow, do an R Kelly real talk style song. A dude on Fiverr will auto tune it for you. Did you hear that one? Did you hear R Kelly's? I'd never heard R Kelly before. I don't even know what you're talking about. R Kelly, the guy that pissed on a, you know.

I didn't know his songs he just like him talking about. Posing on people. Well, just like talking about what he was doing. It's like I woke up and then I, I wanted to sleep in, but I checked my email and I can't go back to sleep after I started thinking about my email. So then I started to jerk off.

I'm fucking thinking. Yeah, I thought that I didn't know that was actually how his thing was. So I started to jerk off and I couldn't find a, couldn't find something good to jerk off to. And then I started thinking about, yeah, I started thinking about what I had to jerk off and I couldn't find a, couldn't find something good to jerk off to. And I started thinking about, yeah, I started thinking about what I had to do, so I just got up and made coffee instead,

and then I was kind of annoyed. And I had to get on a conference call, and usually I can cruise on a conference call and not have to talk, but this time I did have to talk. Did you watch the whole thing? What thing? The trash in the closet thing? That South Park?

No, it's like a real, like there's like 20 fucking chapters, like thing of he does like a play of that where it's him literally fucking doing it and everything you were just making fun of, like it's a real fucking thing. Really? Yeah, and there's like a midget cop at one point. It's like this fucking crazy, we're ever seeing it.

I definitely didn't watch that. Yeah, no, it's something. Big fan of your content, I've been lurking for years now and finally had a reason to reach out. Oh shit, we missed a fan watch. Shit. Let's see. Qatar Airways,

to pay, airways to pay, uh, airline force to pay for psychotherapy for plus-size model. Wow. Look at her face. She's so angry already. Uh, okay. A Brazilian court has ordered Qatar airways to pay the psychotherapy bills of Julianna Neemee, the plus size model. Is every fat woman a plus size model now? We've posted pictures on Instagram, do that say? Yeah, who claims the airline discriminated against her because of her size. That would be the one place where I think that they should probably

discriminate a little bit based on your size. The scientific thing. If you're like an Abrams tank. Right. You need the cargo ship. Yeah. A court in Brazil has ordered guitar airways to pay Port in Brazil has ordered guitar airways to pay, because they refused to board her because she was, quote, too fat. I think we read about this. She's an influencer of gravity. Influencer of gravity. Is it a influencer of the tides?

38. Uh-oh, she's on borrowed time. Bitch, you better lose some fucking weight. Get a die. Uh-oh. You rolled the wrong way, can't get up. You roll in, so you, with your head in a hole or something? Rolls your heart, yeah.

Never get out, and your hands can't touch the ground. Like violet bow regard, you roll over and get your head stuck in a pit. And a little hole in your arms are wiggling around. Can't reach, like a turtle. Yeah. In a post, she told her 167,000 fat Instagram followers she was not allowed to board allegedly due to her weight she had been on a holiday in Lebanon with her family

and had arrived in the country via air France without any problems oh yeah that's that's a beaut Oh, yeah, that's that's a but I just someone's got a sense of humor at the near the big this freeze frame whistling like a fog hard stopping grapes turning everything great Stopping grapes. Turning everything grape. One stop. One stop.

Get the crushingator in here. We got to crush the whole cop. Crop of grapes. Into a grape mist. Not too hard. Lassie. However, on their way home to Brazil. Julianna, I said as staffer told her she would have to purchase

a more expensive first class seat if she wanted her fat ass to board the flight. Okay. I think it's this fat ass in the article. He, look at how fat I am. You can't tell from the perspective, but she's actually holding up an iPad. I'm saying, you're selfie with an iPad. You can't, it's hard to tell. Or, this is bear claw. This is the most, this is almost the most appropriate thing I've seen a fat influencer wear.

How much material in yardage? They're going to have that phrase the whole nine yards in the future and just gonna see preposterous. No, like, yeah, we'll need. Like nine yards, they, they clothe the man in nine yards back then like, yeah, they made a whole fucking suit. Wow. And it barely fit then.

She went to vent. Where's the psychotherapy? She went to vent like the morning trench. Like a volcanic vent in the depths of the ocean. She went to the bottom of the Mariana's trench to vent over volcanic fumes. She took down a battle cruiser and went to the back began to wreak of sulfur. Chopped a battleship in a half and went down to the depths of the ocean. The treatment must concern the treatment they have to pay for must consist of a weekly therapy session worth 78 bucks for a period of at least a year, totaling $3,700 to be deposited in the plaintiffs bank account.

Uh, oh, that for $3,000 is like, I'm fat. I need to eat about it. You should buy me an entire hometown buffet. There's some guy in Brazil who's going home to his wife, honey, you're never going to believe this. You know, that fuck fat bride. And what is this therapy consistent of? Oh, I got denied flying on a plane made me buy a ticket because I'm so fat.

I'm therapist going, why are you so fat? Oh, lawsuit. Get out of the lawsuit. Get out of the lawsuit. Get out of the lawsuit. Get out of the lawsuit. And then the couch breaks, like the couch that the therapist has to be to sit on. We know like in aristocats when they're playing piano at the end, and. Panel starts falling through all the floor. Hello, I'm here for my therapy.

Every different appointment in the building. Shunk. I was in like a bathtub. I was like a show. It was horrible. I'd never imagined going through something like this ever. It was horrible. I'd never imagined going through something like this ever. It hurts me. Also most doorways. It hurts me now to remember how much I blamed myself. What? Because I blame myself a lot. You should blame yourself 100%. I even asked my mother for forgiveness several times. What?

I said, Mum, please forgive me because me being like this, probably from growing home. And she's and she's and she started it wasn't my fault. Well, yeah, you still could have gone home. Dumb itch. Not my fault. I didn't know of 55 gallon drum of gravy with every meal is going to do this. This is, I'm gonna put a, one of those rain barrels. Yeah. Yeah. On furniture dolly and bring it through. This is my wife. This is my wife's ranch cup.

Put two rain barrels stacked and put a wig on it. This is my wife. She's sitting in coach with me. Jesus. Julian and her mother were eventually able to return home on a steamer ship without having to pay any more money. After speaking to the Brazilian ambassador, dude, fuck you.

Oh, did you see that? You remember that NW MBA player that they traded for Lord of War for? Wait, let me show you this. The Lord of War. What a great name. Yeah, you remember that movie, right? Yeah.

Um, she, she got released and then she had like a parade for her release and no one showed up. Oh, yeah, one Britney grunge like the rest of the WNBA. It was a real blowout. Two like the rest of the WNBA. It's a real blowout. Two people showed up for the WNBA record. Yeah. So they they busted her out of Russian prison and that for weed

and then they didn't imprison her in America for some reason where it's also illegal. Yeah. Sport World is saddened by Britney Griner update. Unfortunately, this is from ESPN. Unfortunately, not everyone appears to be happy to see Griner back in the country. According to a report from ESPN, there was a very low turnout at a welcome home party for the long time and WNBA star. Okay. long time NW NBA star, okay.

Britney Griner's homecoming was celebrated Monday night in front of 20 people at university Baptist church in Waco. Baylor is on winter break and a few of the people who were supposed to attend were sick. You're telling me, not? I see excuse. Not one person. A few people were sick. Oh, you know, only 20 people were here.

Yeah, well, a few of the people who were going to come have got sick. They got sick. Okay. You know, meanwhile, Lord of War is on like nationwide Russian television, talking about how our government is a bunch of con artists and criminals fucking over Americans and that America, like everybody he met in American prison was cool and fun and liked Russia and was curious about Russia and fucking hated the government. Did you see that interview?

I heard about that. Yeah. Oh, it was fucking perfect. That's crazy. He should run for president with yay. He's like, yeah, Americans, they just, they have no problems for Russia. They're curious about they want to know what it's like over here, but the government's a bunch of twisted con artists and criminals.

Okay. Well, that's too bad. Hopefully she'll get arrested again and we can free another heroic arms dealer. She kills herself, does that mean that guy got out for free? God forbid consequences should happen. Okay, let me see what else I got here. Some advice?

Let's just do voicemails. Fuck it. Fuck it. Should we talk about Cantilians first? You know, you're in the new studio, so you know, it's bad news. Oh, yeah, that's right. Let me see if anybody is in chat. I thought we were talking about the Cantilians.

I thought we were talking about the Cantilians. I thought we were talking about the Cantilians. What they didn't say was that she was a small supernova. Someone else fat died. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Is anybody in the world felt like a much lighter place? Yeah, is anybody, if anybody in here knew Cantillians, they want us to say anything about Cantillians, um, hop into the live. What happened? Hop into the live show.

I don't know. Chris the Kiwi. I don't know. I don't want to, I think Chris the Kiwi did. Um, all that, yeah, ask people Johnson Brown. Chris the Kiwi. I don't know. I think Chris the Kiwi did. I'll ask people Johnson Brown. Cantillians died. I think two weeks ago.

That's a bummer. It is a bummer. He was a fun guy. He was a fun guy to see at the live shows. He's been around for a long time. If you've listened to the show for a while, he first popped up when he got Maddox to sign the copy of the VHS copy of Titanic. You can see from where you're sitting, he went to Comic Con in the very early days of

this show. Ironically got Maddox to sign the two VHS copy of Titanic and told Maddox he was a huge fan and then he sent it in here just to fuck with him. Let me get it out. Let me get it out. Let me get it out. Excuse me. I just watched that recently. Great movie. Please tell us, you can make it today. No. Uh, he was, oh, Lemon Saki says he talked to Cantillians when he was 17.

What a pedophile. Oh, maybe he was grooming you. Yeah. Fuck this movie, Maddox. He wrote on, unknowing that Cantillians was pulling his leg and joking and just trying to fuck with him the entire time. He was a good looking guy and for that we all hated him.

But he was fun nonetheless. He was always up to, without hesitation, without shame, throw himself into a bit. He brought us the Chris Kent cast for six. Absolutely marvelous episodes. Easily one of easily a highlight of this show is the Chris. He'll live forever as a result of that. He, member win, Eulogy should just take the form of member win. Member win, Cantillians, hit on take the form of member win. Member win, cantilians hit on sports,

brought Taylor on the show. Right. And then and then DMed her afterwards, pretending like trying to be a funny guy like that was pretty fun. But what do you say we actually meet up and then she said without spending any money, that wasn't going to happen. Took a shot twice. You know, you got to respect it. You got to respect it.

It was very, very sad to see. I will be very sad to not see him at anymore. Shows, I asked Chris the Kiwi to record a video. Well, that could go any number of ways. Because he's just jerking off into a pile of shit in his toilet. Oh, yes, of course. They're telling me in the chat, he showed his balls on stream for some reason, and they drew his balls because he had big balls, small weener.

Well, I don't want to say, I mean, you know, I was flaccid. So who knows how big the weiner was. The balls were enormous though and dwarf decides the weiner. So I can't give an accurate estimation of the weiner size. But his balls here, if you can see, and weiner has been a, has been in the moat in the chat for a, what do you know for a long, long time? Let me read you what Chris the Kiwi said. Let me just pull what Chris the Kiwi said. Let me just pull it up here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here you go. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Let's see. Trying to find the start of this. A fucking doctor now. I love that show. Trying to find the beginning of it.

Oh, yeah. So Chris, the key we found out about it by asking, by going on Kantillion's Facebook page or something and asking if his uncle killed himself, LOL. Jesus Christ. Classic friggin' fella, yay. And I said, do you want to make a video for Cantillian's death for the show tomorrow? And Chris, the key we said, why would I want to? I don't know how he died or the circumstances to make a conclusion how I feel about him or the situation.

So there you go. What a fucking guy. It continues. Let me see. I'm sorry, I'm trying to line it up here. He died of an illness, I said. I think I think it's something to do with his heart. I know he spoke to him and did a show with him. So I thought you would want to say something

about it. You can say whatever you want. Chris, I think I'll pass. Can't see a death notice online or obituary. So he's so he's suspicious. A girl wants to talk to him. It looks exactly like him. He's in. But it's I said, okay, up to you. Chris says, you're going to make fun of him on your show or is this a sad event for you? Do you know what I think? It might have had something to do with the COVID vaccine. He probably had.

That's right. I said, well, it's a very sad event for me and lots of people on the show, but you can say whatever you want about it, it will be a good tribute either way. Chris says, could it have been something to do with the COVID vaccine? So I have no idea.

If he died, if I died, Chris the Kiwi says, if I died, would it be a sad event for you and others on your show? I said, yes. And he goes, why? You guys make fun of me and my threats of suicide. What if I acted upon it back then? It wouldn't be so funny then.

This is, this is in the context of, do you wanna make a video about Cantillians who did die? This is, what if I died? It wouldn't be so funny. It would be fucking hysteric. It would be funny. It could be be funny. It's a supreme humor. Honey, I'd be so stunned.

I would go insane with laughter if you actually killed yourself. I would have to join the fun after that. I'd be like, holy shit, fuck. I love the rest of my life. That's the funniest guy I've ever fucking could've had. The last said, well, it's sad when people actually die. It would be sad if you actually died. And Chris, the Kiwi says everyone dies eventually.

A fountain of wisdom. I could live to over a hundred. His time came recently. That's true. I agree. I'm fucking a hundred years. That wouldn't be so crazy. I agree with you. I'm gonna 100 years.

That would be so crazy. And he said, Yeah, let, okay. Let's see here. He talks about other bullshit. And he says, okay. how much would you pay me for a video $100, $500? And I said $50 and the video has to be

a five minutes long eulogy. Because I'm past, I'm not feeling up to it. My mental health isn't good at the moment, but I know you'll probably laugh at that. Why would we laugh at anyone's poor mental health? What do you think about me making a fake booking with an escort and I don't show up? Lowell, that was the. Well, I mean, so there you go.

If anybody, if anybody wants to say anything pop in there now or not. If anybody wants to say anything, pop in there now or not. Cantilians last words where his mom asked him what she should say. People came around asking about him and he said, tell them I died. A fucking legend the whole the way up to the very end. Yep. Tell him I died. It sucks. All right. Very helpful.

That's the end of the show. Let's do voicemails. Thanks for coming in, Johnny. Did you welcome? Sorry, we have to do it on such dark pretenses for the however many a time of it. It's either 52 episodes in between or someone died. Yeah.

They will die again. Hopefully everyone dies. Hopefully it will be Chris the Kiwi next time. or someone died. Yeah. They will die again. Hopefully everyone dies. Hopefully it will be Chris the Kiwi next time. We lost. What I wouldn't give. What I wouldn't give. Oh, they just made me live on forever.

Uh, do we have a... Ready? Is this Senator Armstrong? Who's this? You want to say something, Senator Armstrong? Oh, no, he vanished. All right. You might have to turn this down a little bit, bud.

Let's see. Yes. The title alone brings back the title. Let's see. Yes, the title alone brings me great. I try not to, I try not to put too much to give it away, but I still have to make it descriptive. Is it the one on large? Hey, big, hey, Sean. Huge, huge range.

Fat women in bagel stores. Fucking standing there, waiting for a tailor-hand egg and cheese on a fucking room-free bagel. Just waiting there to bendy place. And then comes tons of fun, waddles in. Immediately just starts flapping her fucking jaw. Couldn't even tell you what she said. All I heard was, but anyway. So accurate. She sits down and then stands up. And then says,

Oh, to me, Oh, I'm sure it's gotten online. Because I've been online for a long time. Ronnie Dangerfield. So I'm so fed. Number two, out of that am I? Oh, that is your shop done. Not simply going after the person behind the counter, or the people I should say, going,

who would you have a chance to get the TV remote? Hey, when you get a chance, everybody's running a danger field in this guy's world. The small television in the place and it's not on. the place and it's not on to use just just just just just

just just and then all of sudden just literally goes behind the counter gets the TV remote and then turns on the television

fucking swathe-god looks at me and goes I just can't not have noise and I just look at what the fuck are you talking about you fucking fat? And this is what makes me rage about it.

I'll cut this short. No, too late. Too late. Too late. Anytime somebody says that, I'm just going to chop it. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to cut. Alright.

I'm going to cut this short. You know what? So anyway, so anyway, I tell you guys, it says, to make a long story short, hey. Somebody does wanna say something? Okay, is this scar? You're muted by, unmute yourself. I can't control your mute. There I was looking at my discord not knowing how to unmute

I was gonna go on the air and talk about my friend, but I couldn't find the unmute but and fucking Yeah, there you go. How you doing, bud? Hey, it's been a little rough, you know, but I've been making it through. I've been doing good. It was kind of sad to hear that Kentillian's passed away. You know, he was a man with a really big heart. You know, it might have been way too big. And, you know, the only thing that was bigger than his heart, of course, was balls.

Yeah. And I'm going to miss the man. It was a great dude. I remember one of the last, the first things he did when I met him was, it was when I got my tattoo on stage. Yes. I asked for him to go and get me a drink. And he, of course, goes and gets the wrong person to drink. He thinks I'm somebody else.

And he just got a tattoo. Yeah, I just got the tattoo. I'm the only person with my shirt off. I have the word TDS on my arm and he gives it to Matt Fuckface. And Matt Fuckface is like four foot six, okay? So that's the first thing I remember him doing. And the last thing he got to know me was, know about me was, like we exchanged numbers at road rage. And I didn't keep good contact with him as well as I wanted to. I know super gay. I only exchanged numbers with them after you hit on tentacle prints because I know. Oh, yeah, remember when can't he'll get hit on the Tantacle Prince who is dressed up as a girl

Yeah, that was a good one, you know, I'm calling you out live tentacle man You plan not to be gay you have a trap is no background and every convention you go to you dress up like a girl bro You gay you gay you're woman now you a woman now. We're not saying. Can't tell you and say it on a guy. He's very straight. How dare you? Super straight. Can we bring back super straight?

But I digress. Don't cut me off. Basically, the last thing he got to know was our good friend, Rapid, who is a trainee Epsler, calling them and can't tell youian's mistaking them for me. They went, oh, is this scar? And basically my friend Rabbit who is trans likes to do do do do do do, flock up with their own identity and go, yeah, I'm trans because he thought it was really funny. Okay. Um, so yeah, Kentillian's died thinking I was trans. That's my rate.

Fuck you, Rabbit, you're a piece of shit. Same person that actually broke up, true story. This is the same person who in CJ had a boyfriend, crippled Jesus, broke up with his boyfriend because they sound really like crippled Jesus. And they believed him. The boyfriend believed they were getting broken up

with crippled Jesus. Oh, this guy. So, oh, you rabbit. If I see you in the streets, I'm slapping the shit out. Keep going to that. Oh, man. He pretended to be crippled Jesus and broke up with his boyfriend like fake and the boyfriend believed his boyfriend. Oh, no.

This is terrible. It's going to be me and then told Ken Tillian's I was trans and he died thinking I was trans. See the people that you want, the people that you want to die never do. Like any of these guys, rabbit I wish was dead. Chris the Kiwi I wish was dead over Cantillians just doesn't work out that way. I wish I wish CJ would die, but I also wish that he wouldn't find his meds. So he like, or his Coke, which is arguably what he's about to be.

It'll be a savvy crazy. Yeah, let's not say things like say things I can't take back. Yeah, that's terrible. Okay. Never figured. Realistically, even though I just said I wish death upon like three people, show some love to your family. Love you guys. Yeah. And so sad to lose Cantillians and I hope I don't lose any of y'all in the future. I know that something Cantillians love to do

was subscribe to patreon.com slash the dick show. So I think maybe. Well, he failed in the end really. He didn't buy the shirt. He didn't, you know, he knew he was gonna die and he didn't buy it. So. That's right., he knew he was gonna die and he didn't buy it So that's right don't be like Kentillians He was in the hospital for like two weeks

You got plenty of time. What the fuck? He said I'll show them show them. I'll show them that I'm the funniest to ever do it Okay, well anyway, thanks for having me on Say safe go fuck yourself. Thanks, Scar. Bye. Okay. There we go. A couple more. Couple more. Keep it fair. Keep it fair. Here we go. Hey, Dick. On time listening from the original biggest problem oh I got a rage for you I went to the gym tonight halfway to the gym I realized my short throw wet I pulled over, knit them. No, the catfish. Um, why'd you pull over if smell your, ah, anyway, long story short, that's it.

Nope, that's it. And, and that's my new, that's my new policy. Colin just go, wore shorts to the gym covering cat piss. Big reels hard. Next like long stories. You're wrong. Yeah, there you go. That's it. That is short now. The best thing you can do to anyone about the tell stories go, is this going to take long? And then you don't even have to hear the story at all.

It's going to take a lot of time. Yeah. Okay. This one should be good. Hey, I just wanted to say that black people are really pissed off about Ukraine giving all of our money. They're supposed to go to us. Yeah.

Just go to Twitter and look up that nigga Zelensky. Oh, wow. Oh, man. I'm sorry. Short. About the new motive they created for Thanos and Marvel. Him wanting to fuck death is a thousand times more artistic and a thousand times more relatable. Yeah. I agree. I think that to the average guy wanting to fuck the personification of death is more relatable than wanting to kill half of people so that their resources last longer.

The second one is too esoteric and retarded and the first one is immediately accessible to the male mind. Thanos driving a priest. Yeah, no. No. I don't believe it. Thanos wants to fuck death.

Love it. Much better. Like how many versions of death as a hot bitch with big tits are there? Guys tattoo it on the, like it's not complicated. You dumb fucks. Uh, okay. Well, I'm glad to hear that black people are pissed off.

I cannot type that, I can't even type the N word into Twitter, though, to see for myself, maybe. Auto ban. Immediate ban. Okay, let's see. Let's see. Andrew from Eugene, Oregon. Let's see how he's doing over Christmas.

Yeah, yeah. the dick show. I'm a big medic fan and you know, kind of sucks. Dude, I'm pretty sure it's too sick and streaming the more you're gonna die. Oh, I think that's what being a dad's like, man. Lost somebody else in my family that's what being a dad's like, man, I lost somebody else, my family, the fear of Christmast. Doesn't that, the point is, is that, is I get older, you know, I'm approaching 40 now. Me too, just reverse, directly.

You lose, I don't know, I'm just some guy in here, and that, right? But you lose more and more of the people that you're like around you, and the people that you care about too, and even your family. And just from Eugene Oregon is like at the end of step brothers when his little brother won't hug him.

Like he's punching and like every time he calls in and says something, he's like, you know, just some guy in the internet. Just some guy in the internet, but you know, losing people's, losing people's heart and it stacks up and starts stuckin' up and just a guy on the internet. It's so funny, he's the only one that does that to

it is nothing to look forward to you just operating like that on on machine like a machine like instinct will your brain shuts down so don't worry you want to experience it people are happy to have a good name i'm looking for some of it all out for a film it for fulfillment on my path to my happy with it. You get it. Man, that much you go for anymore, but I guess this is the best you'll do a great, keep

plugging along. You have a really good, that's a lot of fun. Well, a bit fat woman could die. And the heck's worse living for you could wake up to 100 DMs and notifications saying this big fat slob woman has died at 37 and you could have a great day. That's what that's what you could live for. Not all of this gay shit that you're talking about about fulfillment and whatever. Yeah, fulfillment. It's just called go fucking hammer a bunch of nails all day and go drink it off every night.

Phil D's mint, bitch. That's what I'm with your tongue. That's what I'm talking about. Mm-hmm. Uh, okay. How about... Um... fulfillment. Are you being alcoholism? Ha-ha-ha. Hey, Jack. Have a fun through Broadway. People who call guys hoes because they fuck a multiple different women. and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and that man owns respect, right? I don't understand that shit. Why is this a thing now? I don't understand that shit. I don't understand that shit. I don't understand that shit. I don't understand that shit. I don't understand that shit.

I don't understand that shit. I don't understand that shit. I don't understand that shit. I don't understand that shit. I don't understand that rotation. I don't understand that shit. Why is this the thing now? I fucked it 24. I like having options. I like going to the buffet. I like being able to take it to the buffet. Yeah, but hold on, before you any say, okay, before you say anything, if you're having sex with multiple

different women, what are you fucking complaining about? Oh, no, some guy called me a name. Why the fuck do you care? You're fucking different bitches. Yeah. Like, uh, so that leads me to believe you're not fucking anybody. You are fucking your hand and fuck you. No, I believe him, but I think, you know, my overarching theory, grand unified field theories that all men are gay, and that they only, the prestige, the best part of fucking women is vicariously enjoying it with other men.

So he's missing out on talking, telling other guys about it because it's fucking obnoxious. Like if you're not, if you're not fucking girls, you want to hear about, it's like a woman telling you about her dreams. Like I had this crazy dream last night. Oh yeah, was it about you not telling me about a dream? Because I had a dream like that. You said about throwing a cardboard box in the fucking trash and actually breaking it down. I had a nightmare last night that you told me about your dream.

Was anything like that? Because that's happening to me. Did your dream take long? Wake me up, shoot me in the head so I can wake up, please. Yeah. It is like a buffet. You don't want to take pictures. Nobody likes the Instagram with a bunch of pictures of their lunch. So we don't want to take pictures. Nobody likes the Instagram with a bunch of pictures

of their lunch. So I don't want it. So we don't want to fucking hear about it. I don't know, I don't know why this is. You know what? You got to find guys who like having that kind of gay sex. But I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm not saying it's just, it is a form of gay sex when you're with guys talking about how you're fucking other girls. You're right. You're right, but you got to find guys who want to engage with you on this level. Right, but my thing is the offense at being called the like why need to specify what this name means. It's like, what are you fucking talking about?

They're jealous. They're jealous. Yeah. If you can't see that off, right? I thought like, I got much better things to be doing on my day than fucking like. I was sitting in a cafe, I'm Hollywood, when I lived in Hollywood, I would go to this cafe

so long every day, I was like, this, whatever, I just walked there and have fucking coffee and sit there and look at chicks and do computer work. You're fucking big ass laptop for 90. Yeah, from the 90s. Yeah. I would pull another table over, put it there, open it up and I'd turn it, I'd have to turn on lever as tall 32 televites of fucking memory.

I remember this guy was going out, this guy was having lunch with this big fat ass fat broad. And she got up, walked in, giant tipping chairs over. She got in people's waters were trembling and she's walking in. Classic. And I was trying not to know. I was like, just think about computers. And I'm like, it's a computer. And he leans over. I happen to catch his eye and he leans over and he goes, huh? Like, I'm like, man, I feel like you just, like sexually assaulted me. I don't wanna take any part of what you're cooking up

with your kind of weird, fat, chasing shit. Now, you've basically just cat called me, a man. That's how I feel. I feel like you are getting some sexual gratification out of this that I do not want. Right. Get away from me. It's got to fuck fat brides, man.

I don't, sir, I don't mean to suggest that you're fucking fat brides. I'm just having a little fun. I'm just having the time of my life here at this cafe getting rice all over my lap. I do think it's funny that guys need that. I'm so fucked. So I'm fucking, it's like, what are you like?

Is you are having gay sex with me right now? I'm like, that's cool. I've been staring eyeballs this post. I'm like, man, I was beating off this morning. I was having this real great. What are you fucking telling me about this for? Yeah. I don't give a fuck. It's like, go away. All right. Does anybody else want to say something about cantilians sports brought Taylor in there? Maybe she won't want to say. Maybe she regrets not taking cantilians up on his doubt it. Offer. All right, goodbye. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye, everybody. Hope you all died at some point. You have anything you want to plug, Johnny? Any kind of, I just want to get out of here.

I just want to do some Pokemon and this fucking reality we live in. No, you got a lot of more time. Sorry. Putin Claus, man, he's going to come and make your get straight with soccer balls, with soccer balls and fucking mind. Lather. What the fuck income tax forms. Yeah. I didn't get what I wanted for Christmas either. Everyone else got the same thing I want every year. One of

those little big-tid anime figurines that I can jerk off on. I didn't get it again. Can you believe that? All right, I got you a igloo or yeti cooler for it. That's all I've wanted my whole life. Yet again, yet again, socks and stuff. That's a festive decorative candle you have over there, piled halfway up the washing machine and like,

oh, that was an anime figure. I'm gonna start jerking off on a day and end. All right, goodbye, everyone. and down. All right, goodbye, everyone.