The Dick Show - Episode 348 - Dick on Cringe

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

Dilbert has a Kramer moment, NATO posts cringe, my car is self-driving, a Bananadox remix, a lady steals a Nintendo Switch, a guy is accused of harrassment, and Nick's Vegas show; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Nick's show was fun. Yeah, so what the more like type of crowd he's got. Seriously? Yeah, he's got all the lawyers. Really? All the YouTube lawyers. There's like a shitload of guys that just go on the internet, talk about the law and then sue each other for fun.

Oh my God, really? Yeah, it's great. Okay, so he's getting sued by somebody he knows, right? A lawyer he knows. Oh, so yeah's getting sued by somebody he knows, right? A lawyer he knows. Oh, so yeah, he announced personal Nick is just suing. It's just 50 grand. What's the big deal?

Fuck you. Yeah, it's 50 grand that goes into nothing. Yeah, you know, you know, so you're gonna defend himself. I think he doesn't wanna take the time to defend himself. So I know. I don't think most lawyers don't defend themselves, do they? I don't know. I don't know either. Are they getting sued a lot? I mean, it happens.

Um, so he announced this at the show, Nick did. And that's what announced what I'm about to tell you. Oh, so this guy in his town, I wanna hear him do it. He's out for a while. Oh no. No, no, no, he's fine. He's on his way. I think he's still in Vegas and he's staying until Tuesday.

He had a fuck get up. He had a, his room was like the penthouse of all three story penthouse and God in the cosmopolitan hotel, which is like the, you know, the newest, almost newest hotel that I'm not even, I'm too ugly to even go in. Like they have one of those AIs that track me around and make sure to steer all the pretty people away from me when I'm in the hotel. This is, this could be an example. He could be going down the road of too much too late. You know what people say? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do they have a name? They had a name for that for our parents. Do you remember what they called? They used to call that phenomenon? What a midlife crisis. Yeah. No, too much too late. You have a midlife crisis. You might not have any more money. You just buy the vet. It's got tons of money. That's what I mean as long as Rumble still has money. He's got money. Too much too late. So he's in this fucking chateau that is.

It's three stories. Really? It's three stories and it has a hot tub on the roof. It's got its own butler. Good God. Yeah, it's own butler. Good God. Yeah. It's own butler. For real?

Yes. For real butler, you mean like for real? She introduced herself as the fucking butler. A woman butler? Yeah, I know, that part. I just, the man butler was extra. Don't think, they had, she called from, they call a woman butler something different.

It just seems like not a term that would be right. Yeah. It would be like a secretary or something. Yeah. Um, so he just got the term butler doesn't, it doesn't seem befitting. He's got this three story, um, pan house that he's in that's got, you know, multiple closets and a view of everything, a view of the Bellagio fountains and then it had like a tub, a bathtub where the water went

over the edge. Oh, like an in a bathtub, but a bathtub. But a bathtub. Right. And then water came out like, so I read out of the ceiling. So you'll have a beautiful view when you Whitney Houston it in the bathtub.

After too much to fucking party, after too much to think. He's like, my bathtub has a bathtub in it. Cause it's like it overflows and goes into the, cause he likes bathing so much. And then as a diaries floor, like ours does, when it, yeah, that's floor water, that's gross. This reigns out of the ceiling,

like a diaries spout. Right, like a fire hose. Good. I'm like, that's gross. This reigns out of the ceiling, like a diarrhea spout. Right, like a fire hose. Good. That's a design flaw. That's gonna go right on your balls. If you sit here raining out of the roof, anyway. That's true. He goes, where are you guys staying?

We said, oh yeah, the bunions. I got kicked out of minions. So I refuse to give them any of my money. I'm boycotting minions after getting kicked out for telling a security guard, he's a loser. When he told me I couldn't move tables together because of COVID. Oh, you told this story, that's right.

Yeah, yeah. I got his kicked out of band from being, so he goes, where are you guys staying?? He said oh, it's the plaza hotel He goes oh well, what's that like well you can find that one by going to hotels calm and Sorting by price right by cheapest. Yeah, that's how okay Where's my butler to delouse this asshole? I don't want to bring in fucking vermin into my I thought it was like Michael Jackson's bedroom in there. Like, oh, you could totally sleep with some kids in here. It turns out he's not a pedophile. Now, now I believe it. This

is a two story room. Great show. The, the lawyers, I forgot what was something. What was the show like? I mean, it's just like one of our shows. Yeah, but it has, does it have, but with smarter people? Is it lost in trick? I mean, is it? No, no, no, it's just bullshit. Okay. Talked about, talked about, this guy Camelot was there.

Camelot. It was a cool guy. We talked about putting our balls on overhead projectors. I honestly forget what most of it was. Right, that's the long, we, it was a Sunday show. I don't have the energy or stamina for a Sunday night show. If you get there on Friday, you may be fucked. Yeah, I'm done. The party starts Friday morning and it takes a You can see me on this show die. Yeah, Sunday afternoon. See Saturday night shows are that's my spot. Yeah. Yeah Sunday night. Wow.

Trouble. Yeah. Well, because you're starting the day loaded. So you're, you know, which I did. You're getting so drunk, you almost go back to sober. Yes. Where it's the weirdest thing. Um, Joyce Nick says during the show that The hardest thing. Joyce, Nick says during the show that the crazy weirdo online is suing him, right? Yeah, yeah. And his buddy, or a guy he know, a lawyer he knows in his hometown is took up the case, which is like a scumbag move.

I mean, you know, you don't have to take every, like people don't understand it. The players don't just take every case. Professional courtesy, you would think, it's like, I mean, it's like a cop given another cop would think. It's like a cop giving another cop a ticket. It's like a cop beating another cop's wife. Yeah, it's kind of not that. You couldn't call me and tell me to be at what she did.

I gotta, you know what? Right, it's coming home with black eyes that I didn't put there. What am I supposed to do? So the guy in his tail. It's gonna be awkward at the station softball tournament that year. My hands, it doesn't even fit. How am I going to explain that to my kids? Yeah. That another man's beating their mom.

Right. Come on. Come on, officer. Um, so he says, Nick says that the guy, the lawyer in his town, who's suing him, who took the lawsuit is also being a huge prick to him. Uh-huh. He's like no He knows the guy. Yeah, no, no. He's being a huge prick about everything like he's not letting him not giving in him an extension To like over Christmas like to file stuff and find a lawyer. What's that guy's deal? Why does? Apparently, you know, this is all over Nick Collins. I'm one retarded. Yeah a Apparently, you know, this is all over Nick Collins I'm one retarded. Yeah.

A crazy lunatic. Yeah. Apparently the lawyer might have a Down syndrome kid. And that's still bullshit. I like that's why he's doing it. Oh, and he's gonna explain it. And fuck his wife. No.

Anyway, that's a fucking dumb edit. A little bit of something to start the show off for you. Why figure out how to turn this off? Ah, yeah! Hey, welcome to the A-G1 to G-D-G1 live, you've got this show where I was coming, you live from Mountain Baker, deep in the heart of the city, if you have your show, RevsConnors, coming your live from Mountain Biker. Deep in the heart of the city, you'll be able to fail.

You're up in your host, Dick Maser, everybody, everybody, everybody. Joining me is always this world touring LA-based comedian, Sean the audio engineer. Hello, Dick. How you doing, buddy? Pretty good. Rough start to the week.

Over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always rough doing a show on Monday. Yeah, you always feel like bonus episodes. Yeah, a little sloppy. A little loose. A little bit. a little bit. A little bit.

So I'm watching this reality prank show. Yeah. I called Love Is Blind. Okay. Where they make people go on some dates through a mesh so they can't see each other. Also, it's their literal blind dates. Like, I'm not literal, but you know what I mean.

Yeah, I can't see each other. Yeah. And I guess they like. Sight obstructed. I mean. Yeah, I can't see each other. Yeah. And I guess they like- Sight obstructed. I don't, at first I didn't think it was real, and I'll tell you why. You're sucked in, aren't you? Oh, we binge watched the whole thing. I figured, yeah.

I hated, but- We used to bring up details. You're like, ah, that's, you know, first, but then something got me. I'll tell you what got me. Okay. Because the prank of the show is that when they meet these people for the first time, You know, first, but then something got me. I'll tell you what got me. Okay. Because the prank of the show is that when they meet these people for the first time, when they introduce them, the women are hugely fat.

All of them? Yeah, pretty much. And there's no fat guys. It's just a bunch of regular-sized guys. Okay. And then they're, they're bawling their eyes eyes out like on the third date saying, I'm we have the rest of our lives together to explore this connection. And it's just obviously like, you need to come, like you guys just need to blow your load and then you'll be better with

yeah, you'll be better. Probably not jerking off anyway in this weird atmosphere. So then they introduce them. The guys walk out, they're normal looking fit, very athletic, some of them and the girls walk out and they're like, Latina fat, you know? Yeah. Like too many, too many fat chicks on the dance floor fat. Okay. Right, yeah.

Big, so big that everything they wear is stretched in some way. Not possible to be wearing something, to be wearing something that isn't stretched. I'm gonna pull up a picture of one of them. So obviously this is done on purpose to, well that's what I, that's what I listen to. I'm like, there's no way this isn't some kind of setup where they specifically act, asked like a guy, guys if they're into fat girls, like show us a picture of your last fat girl, find something like that. I would think it would be just for the, it's like why they put volatile

personalities together in a place. Yeah, like I mean, and and you know what's fucking gonna happen. Um, let's see. So, so the guys are now literally blind and gouge their eyes out. Look, Sean, this is one, this is one of them. to gouge their eyes out. Look, Sean, this is one of them. It's like shallow hell. Yes. So, I find out today, and then you know they follow them for a month and see how they do.

Oh, they do, to see if they either just insane people actually do reality stuff. No, of course, yeah. So I go on Reddit to read about, you know, getting sucked in. Here we go. And it's just thousands of comments from fat women talking about how beautiful they are and arguing about which one is not the fat the most.

I wouldn't call her big. She's not even big. She actually just looks normal. That's just like a normal person we're from and you see here is very much hugely overweight. Like they all say they're a size eight lying on the internet, not even close. So then I found out today, I happen to see this,

that the first season, they were all, all the girls were hot and skinny. So these guys walked in here with the biggest prank, the biggest woke prank pulled on them of all time. Right, right, sure. I was like, yeah, I to go in here and give me some fucking love is blind. Whatever. Yeah. The bitches are hot and desperate. And then they walk into the the

Heffa Lump dating show. Oh boy. Um, funny. Anyway, I don't know. No, no, that's the cares. Well, um, uh, you know, I learned going to Vegas. What this weekend for Nick's show is that 80s girls car has self driving. Oh, yeah, correct. It'll in the lane. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, we didn't know for this years, we've been driving and that thing up to my parents house stupidly with both hands on the wheel paying attention at all times. This fucking thing I was fiddling around with buttons right. Pulls back over. You can sit there. paying attention at all times. This fucking thing, I was fiddling around with buttons, right? Yeah, it's nice to see you. Pulls back over. You can sit there, you take your hands off the wheel. It's got radar too.

So you don't tell if it's following, it's a way safer driver than me, right? Sure. You sit there, you can take your hands off the wheel. It'll keep you in the lane. But then it'll say, your hands are off the wheel too much. You have to be touching the wheel, right? Right, right. Thanks a lot. What have to be touching the wheel, right? Right, right, right.

Thanks a lot. What's it gonna do if you don't? No, I turned the fucking auto drive off. If you don't have to control it. So you don't have to control it. So you can't done the wheel. If you're not touching it. So it's playing with your life.

Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. So I was like, I was learning how to use this thing. I'm like, there's no fucking way this exists. What's the point of Tesla if this already exists? Like why the fuck is this auto driving thing? Big news all over the place we're already, I already fucking own it. I don't need a computer to back me out of my driveway. I can do that. I need it a fucking free way. Well, but can it stop at a 7-11 for you? Or, you know,

yeah, right? Is that the whoops? Is that the big innovation that Elon's bringing here? I hope so. It already exists. I own it. Unbeknownst to me. So I'm like testing it out, learning how it works. Nervous, obviously. The car is like fucking way this work. I don't think you're going to kill yourself. I'm going to shut myself off. You have to control me now. I'm like, okay, they're taking my hands off. Like, all right, let's, you know, I wanna make sure, because at some point it's like a Ouija board. Like, it's correcting, but I don't know if I'm doing it.

Right. So I'm like, ah, this is really, am I thinking it? Am I thinking it and it's doing it? Or what? Let me make sure this is on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's on. It's all on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's on. It's all right.

Yeah, so I take my hands off and finally just start trusting it completely. I go, okay, let's see. And it goes, it gets a little closer than I would before it detects the whatever, the line. Got it. And then it bounces back the other way. It kind of gets a little like caromy, you know?

Going back and forth. Yeah, bouncing back and forth. For her bowling. So I'm going, I'm like, girlfriend, this is amazing, right? Now when I show her, it shuts off and just goes over and starts going over the shoulder. I'm like, what the fuck, right? So the warning light, it only does it when no one's looking.

Yeah, I just did it again. Fucked it, okay, so it doesn't work, right? Then I see the little thing pop up and it says, oh, auto drive deactivated because you weren't holding the searing wheel for too long. Cause you're fucking around. Cause you're fucking around with your hands off. So now I'm in a game of holding on.

Yeah, putting it on, putting my hands on to take them off until it will, until it will go, right? So you blew past Vegas, not paying attention. Playing this game, it's like Kramer, how long can he go on one taking a guess? I'm like, go on without putting my, I don't want to, I don't want to hear the noise. Right. I don't want it to shut off. Now you're driving everyone in the car nuts too.

So I gotta keep going like this. Like you f-f-f-f-got damn toy out. You got damn engineers and whoever's responsible for this, just fucking say no. I'd say lawyers were responsible for that. Do they have it like that in Japan? Or is that just for the American market? I don't know.

That they did that shit. Ah, I can't wait for those self-driving cars. We already have one. It just turns off if you use it for no fucking reason. That has a choice. It was somebody's choice. Yeah, I was very frustrating. Hmm.

Let's see. Disappointing. Here's, here's something for you, Sean. Maybe some people are saying the worst thing ever. The most cringe thing ever made. Ever really. Ever done. Yeah.

This is NATO. This is the official NATO account. And the quote is, Ukraine is hosting one of the greatest epics of this century. We are Harry Potter and William Wallace, the Navi, what the. And Han and Han Solo. This is official NATO. This is NATO, dude.

We're escaping from Shawshank and blowing up the death star. These are two star wars. Who's quote is this? Some idiot fighting in the war, I guess, allegedly. I don't, which I don't think so. We are fighting with the Harkinans and challenging Thanos. It's what the war, this is how,

that's what it is. That's a hundred billion dollar. What for you, man? It is fucking crazy just how far like we have, we are fighting with the heart condens. I don't know what that is. I don't either. Challenging, Thanos.

I don't think that went well for the people. Challenging, yeah, I mean, don't you want to, I don't, I don't, they don't, they didn't go through that. Does anybody, they didn't give I don't, I don't, I don't, they don't, they didn't go through that. I think anybody, they didn't get any, they didn't give any kick back. NATO, right? They're like, hey, buddy, you want to like, not say that. Right, right. Like, just, you're going to say you're like, I think it's something like, you know, I mean,

if you're biblical, if you're going to make a reference, maybe one of the heroes, maybe it were Luke's first of all, Han Solo didn't believe in the cause famously. Yeah. So that's dumb right there. I don't know if you didn't even, now I don't even know if you saw that movie. You jackass. That's the update.

Great. You crane up dead. I think it was great. I think it was great. Getting fed into the meat grinder. All these guys are dead obviously. People bring knowledge and skills from their civilian professions into the army.

As no one had to round, as no one had got round to telling them, it cannot be done. They said about creating new ways of solving problems. No, that's not what the army's about. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Everyone's bringing different skills into the battlefield. Like lawyers and bakers will come there and get shot. Right? In their own special way.

Right. School teachers will come. They also get shot. In a unique way. Fucking dumb. It's so fucking dumb. It's so fucking dumb. Oh, Scott Adams had a pretty hilarious

Michael Richards moment. Oh no. Did you hear about it at all? No. I don't even know if I want to watch. Really? Yeah. I did do some research into it, I think.

Did you? I think I cracked it. So if you nearly half of all blacks, you'll be like, anytime. He started out poorly. I know, I don't know who this guy is. You're a skydiving. It's a Gilbert guy that said he was going to kill himself and it's like, right, right, right, right. He said he's going to sue Ben Garrison because everyone thinks

he's supported mask mandates and vaccine mandates and all the shit because he did. So he's all pissed off about it because everyone hates him now. And then it's so cool. People turn so fucking zealot like, yeah, he thinks like, Dracula should be killed instead of stupid stuff. That's the, that's the Dilbert guy. Right. I called him a tourist. I remember that. Yeah, yeah. I was like, dude, you ain't, you're just, you're new to this depression thing. You're saying a lot of crazy shit I won't give it to or some shit like that where it's like dude, you know what man He's always doing everything in like tension. Or yeah, he's always doing like 40 chess, you know So people talk about him and stuff

dumb He's always like dumb do dumb, boomer, bullshit. Yeah. I'll go and they can say, they're not, they're saying it with, oh, at the end, and it's not, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up. Yeah, shut up the fuck up. Maybe he doesn't know why.

Yeah, maybe. Social fucking, it's such a fucking hilarious observation to them. All right, so here's his, six minutes, kind of long, I don't know. Or not okay with white people. According to this poll, not according to them. All right. So here's his six minutes, it's kind of long. I don't know. Or not okay with white people. According to this poll, not according to me. According to this poll. So this poll came out. Yeah. Yeah. This scam poll that said, I have it right here. Rasmussen poll. Yeah. They said, yeah, 42% of black people said they oh yeah the question they asked was is it okay to be white Yeah, that's yeah, and they asked a bunch of people all races or did yeah, okay to be white right right

So and then their big headline was black people said It's okay to be white 53% said they agree with that 26% said they disagree. And then 21% of people said they're not sure. Because the statement is retarded. Makes no fucking sense. Like, is it okay for me to be white or why people to be white? What do you mean by?

What do you mean? Yeah. Why are you? What time of day is again? See NATO Twitter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is it okay to be? Yeah. What is it? Okay. I don't know, man. Yeah. I don't know. Doesn't seem like you have a choice. So that's got Adams as this. That's a hate group. Yeah. That's a hate group. I don't want anything to do with them.

Black people. And I would say, based on the current way things are going, the best advice I would give to white people is to get the hell away from black people. Very good. Very good. Excellent. Wherever you have to go, just get away. He's had a couple.

So that is us. Got Adams who makes the new. No, shit, he said more, which apparently up until he recently was still going on. Damn it. You fucking nerd. I don't want your stupid commentary on it.

I know. They have, Gilbert. I hate that too. Just let me shut people. It's a thing, everybody. You don't get to see the actual, you don't get to make up your own mind about it. No, you can't see it, what he said.

Because it's so offensive, right? Oh, is that what, yeah. He said that he, he said that he, he was no longer black, like he identified as black. Who? Scott Adams, because it's a dumb boomer bullshit. Like it's so fucking hilarious that you did it, right? Well, that's, okay, then. So now he is, he that you did it, right? Well, that's, okay, then.

So now he is fully fucking white, right? Yeah, he made Dilbert. It's the widest thing that has anyone's ever been. You're right. You're right. Should I can't find it? I don't know, somebody has it in the chat. Oh my God.

So black people are a hate group now. Yeah, so he's no longer identifying his black and that white people should move away from black people. Like he said, which I don't even know what that means. Like, is there? It's so funny when like boomers become fucking toddlers. Total fucking toddlers. Exactly.

So angry. And then he said, oh yeah, he said it's like stop helping him and stuff like that. I don't know. I don't have it in the room. No, it's okay. Yeah, he. Yeah, let me see. Oh yeah, the best advice I would give to white people is to get the hell away from black people.

Whatever you do, just get away because there's no fixing this. This can't be fixed. You just have to escape. So that's what I did. I went to a neighborhood where I have a very low black population. Wow. Is that what people do when they're of millionaires, when they move to like, we know, when they have like millions of dollars and they move somewhere, like, well, at these houses look nice here, but is there any ones with slightly less black people?

Right. Are there any mansions? Are there any, you know, very hot multi million dollar house? Are there areas that... What's this? So I looked at the poll, right? Yeah. So I wanted to see what the question was.

I go the website and load it up. It says, yeah, it was, is okay to be white. So I want to see what the question was. Uh-huh. I go to the website and load it up. It says, yeah, it was, is okay to be white. So okay. So I go to the bottom and it says a thousand people are surveyed. Sure. And I asked, well, that's odd, because it said there was two breakdowns. And one was general Americans of all races and the other one was black people. Mm-hmm.

So I was doing some quick math. Yeah, yeah. I know my percentages, right? So that's like 12% of 1,000 people. That's 120 people. So this guy just blew his whole career because 100 and... Because he didn't read the asterisk, yeah.

Because 120 because 50 black guys said, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Get the rest, get the rest of the information. So I tweeted that.

Just all I fucking talk about. I tweeted that and the rasmussen guys are like, oh yeah, to all the people who are saying it was only 130 black guys. What, so you've never flipped a coin? Have you ever flipped a coin in your life? And it comes up heads 130 times in a row. I don't know if that's how you. I don't know if that's if you can make any broad statements

about what black people think. Based on, think whatever you want, say whatever you want about whatever race you want. But don't point to this dumb poll. As concrete data. Say whatever the fuck you want. You know, why people drive like this? Why people drive like this?

Right? Yeah, say whatever the fuck you want. Yep, you know, yeah, yeah. Why do people So now everybody's pissed at me for it. Why, you go, no, but that pole's right though. It's not a fucking pole. It's like, it's not like a bar of guys. It's, that you asked. That's nothing, nothing. Just a recall. Good for you guys.

Good God, man. Fucking Dilbert. So that strip was still going, I didn't even. Not anymore, now it's all, it was going this whole time. Yeah, I can't believe it was. Yeah, I thought there was a thing coming out that was late 90s.

No, it's been going, you know, it's right, you know, I just got millions of dollars or whatever. Yeah, I know. What a right, you know, he's got millions of dollars or whatever. Yeah. What a dumb, what a dumb reason. If you're gonna draw a line, if you're gonna get yourself canceled, come out swinging hard.

He's just looking with a dumb ass poll about metaph, these oddball sentences and political slogans that have nothing to do with race. He, you know, there's, if 20% of people don't understand the question, it's not a good poll. No, he couldn't, you're right, right. I don't know. He couldn't, he couldn't wait to fucking shoot out a hot take. He's heard about these hot takes, and these kids are doing it's almost a black people. Yeah, he's still got his finger on the pulse. Here he goes.

What a hell away from plan of evil. What does that even mean? Yeah, how many white people is he speaking to? That advice. So is he saying that if you don't get away from him since they're a hate group, they'll you know, I got things are What happened to you? Sure, whatever. People will probably hate that so the

Airbnb, you know, you know, how my trip to Mexico got all fucked up. Yeah, yeah fucking The airlines The airlines and Airbnb Ref refused to refund anything. Air, air sucks, air everything sucks for you. Air, Airbnb. Yeah, air is bad. The Mexican car company instant refund.

Yeah. Airbnb. No. I think they're a hate group. Yes. Actually, they said, well, we're trying to, we're trying to work this out with the host for you, but they're refusing to refund anything. And I'm like, even the cleaning fee. Is there a, yeah, right? I mean, since we weren't there, I mean, I would have made a mess. You've saved a lot more than the cleaning

fee. You didn't even, it is more annoying that you didn't immediately refund the cleaning fee. If you would have said that, like, well, I'm keeping all the money, but I'm giving you cleaning fee back at least, I would have felt like, you're talking to a person. Yeah.

Like, now I think you're just doing it to fuck to steal my money. Sure. So I'm talking to them about it. Do they have an overall, you know, kind of, what do you call it, like a policy for that? Yeah, I fuck you. We're keeping your money. Is it like, but Airbnb, like, okay, yeah. We're working with the host.

Right. Well, it's not, I don't want their money. I want your money. Yeah. You have the money. Yeah. You don't need to work with, like, the amount of steps that they have in place to where you are. Sure. And it's like booze will you? Yep. Has increased exponentially since COVID.

Corporate phones. Yeah. It's now that they're just doing it in real life. The people at the fucking desks when we got way laid. Yeah. Running interference. Told us to go call on the phone, even though they have the got the computer right in front of them. Right. Right. You're going to have to call the line for that. Why? What do they have?

What do they have at their computer on the phone that you don't fucking have? I'm not allowed to serve walk-up customers. I have to answer the phone. Yeah, they can talk to me on the phone call. Just go over there, call the phone, I'll pick up. So the airline lady that we called to try to get a refund for the flights to nowhere, you

know, that we're not serviced. No, they clearly fucked up. Like, yeah, how is it? Why do I have to call it all for this? She goes, oh, yeah, you know what, they're probably going to try to refund you one ticket, but don't take that. Just keep fighting it. Right.

Like, what is this? What is this insane system? What is this insane bureaucracy that we can now live under? That's what I'm negotiating with this fucking lady over like a couple hundred dollars. I totally believe that. It's happening out there. She knows she's learned her own way of dealing with it, which is to tell you not to accept their

bullshit offer. They're making carons. Yeah. So if I just really pissed off and threaten all kinds of shit, then you'll give me the other one. You never know when. Like how much yelling do I have to? And then every smug fuck ex-customer service person employee will then tell you, oh yeah,

we used to just laugh at you guys when you would call in and you're all upset. I hope that someone, I hope that a fucking paramedic lets you bleed out after you tell them this story. Laughing at you, you fucking assholes. So we just did a chargeback with the bank, right? Yeah. And I don't know, know the one I think the airline one went through

But the Airbnb one. I don't know if it's going through or not It's really it's unbelievable Yeah, yeah, it's just like fuck you try to get it from me. Yeah And I don't know we're not fighting the death storm in Thanos over here about. Yeah. Pretty close. Um, let's see what else I got here. Yeah. Black people, black people, the hell away from black people.

That's what I did. When you identified as black for me, are you making your neighborhood more black than when you identified as black? Well, did he move first or did he identify as black for me, are you making your neighborhood more black than? When you identified as black? Well, did he move first or did he identify as black for? He didn't say. I don't know. I don't follow everything he does, but I only see,

I'm only into a scot at him. I'm just gonna just become retarded. Don't sue me, Nick's fucking suing lawyer, fuckhead. Get the hell away from black people. Yeah, because of the poll. You didn't have any strong, you were the only person in the world without a strong opinion on race before this fucking poll came out. Yeah, boy. Is that what you're saying? Before this poll, you're like, love them. Now you're like, hate them. Yeah. That's weird, man. Whatever. Let's see here.

Oh, here's a good one. This is a young gentleman. He does happen to be black beating his teacher's aide because she stole his Nintendo switch from him. This is a young hero. This is a young hero. This is a young heroic man stopping a criminal thief in her tracks. She tries to escape.

As she stole his sheep, that woman stole this man's, this young gentleman's Nintendo switch, which was his property. I think she would say confiscated. Well, that's what they say. That's how they say. So brainwash you into thinking that it's not, or you're gonna read.

Right, right, right, they're gonna give it back. That's my, that's my Nintendo. What is this high school? Let me read some actual data. Okay. 17 year old. So practically an adult, he's six, six, two hundred and seventy pounds.

Ha, ha, ha. He's recorded severely beating Matanzas High School aid on February 20 after she confiscated his Nintendo Switch, stole it. He's been charged with a felony aggravated battery for protecting his property. Good, good. Can you believe that? Okay. Oh, okay, okay. He's gonna, he stomped her then he thought, maybe that's a little much. I actually got down like a rock dog. That was a decleater.

Yeah, I mean, yep, six, six, two, seven, he's gonna already be getting like recruiting offers, right? I'm not gonna see that. He's gonna get like Florida state calling, you know, hits are like the water boy with that Colonel Sanders guy. He lays him out in class for Medulla, Abla and Ganna. So Inaxero, verse, he's out. He starts, oh, his pants fell off then. Well, yeah, probably makes him more lethal. He's not wearing pants. So then you got this lady coming over. Where is he punching her like in the back?

I don't know. He's just too, he's too enraged that his video games got stolen. He's not thinking about it. Did she have it like in her play? He might be breaking it. Yeah, he's in think this one through. So then you got this woman, right? Another fat ass woman. Man, I follow this Instagram account called like lost in history pictures. Yeah. It's crazy how skinny everybody was in the 70s. Yeah. Cause everybody, none of this, none of this like, this duck ass look that is, that is all of humanity

at best now. So you got this, you got duck ass here running in from the bottom. And if you'll notice, there's a guy, there's a military guy in the background. He's like, I must have done something who is walking the slowest I've ever seen. Yeah. He's walking like a crack addict settled down at a green light settled down. Watch this.

She's getting pummeled. Is that like an ROTC guy? Is that a student? Yeah, guys, I don't know. I don't know why he's wearing that uniform though. Maybe she took his switch. Yeah. Yeah. Bitch, I'm gonna take all kinds of switches. Oh my God. Well, right in the back of the head, now you got...

Now they threw him down his self-tied kicker with the back of the head, now you got... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Now they threw him down, he's still trying to kick her with the back of his heel. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Not done yet. Oh no. Well no, it's just a little bit more.

And they got all these teachers. Oh, there's a guy comes in at the end finally. To help pull him off, she's knocked out. in at the end finally to help pull him off. She's knocked out. This was the other funny part. So he's getting arrested. Yeah, yeah. Here.

Do you see all like this? This is like on the wall. Dream big. Yeah. Strong. It should say, right, but dream canceled. Yeah. Good God.

You can't steal somebody's switch. I mean, right? He's a... I mean, you know, I mean... I want to be there. Just trying to get by with Nintendo. You know, I mean, he didn't do it for no reason. Yeah.

I mean, he had... He should have been listening to Scott Adams. He... He... He felt like he had to him a genuine grievance. He probably didn't choose to handle it in the proper way, but it's like he would, he would have been peacefully sitting in class and someone had stolen his switch, right?

He was probably playing switch in, his switch in class. So, you know, I mean, he didn't save. It takes to dick God Mad world Yeah, yeah, she didn't do nothing right he didn't just come out of nowhere No, no maker no Okay, let's see my god, I think else Here's a kissing machine. Hmm Japan. Yeah, I knew it Oh, okay, let's see if I can get anything else.

Here's a kissing machine. Japan. Yeah. Yeah, I knew it. Oh, here's some stuff about women too. Yeah, I love that stuff. That's good stuff. I know you do.

I logged into my doctor portal. My like, how sure portal. I don't know why, just to punish my, just to get angry about something. Oh, okay. After I went to the doctor, just to punish, might just to get angry about something. Oh, okay. After I went to the doctor, last week and she was disappointed that my liver was okay. Probably isn't after this weekend.

And I, she had, she left a note in there, summarizing the, like the visit and said, well, you know, make sure you get, for your sleep, make sure you get a psych, make sure you can get complete sleep cycles. That's why, that's why, like if you sleep seven and a half hours, that's complete sleep cycles. And if you sleep eight, that's too much.

And like, is this like, is this like a, do you have like a, do you go to some kind of class on how to annoy men with these comments of, you know what, you're actually getting too much sleep. Yeah, but if you get eight hours, be careful. You might wanna set an alarm for seven and a half, like how the fuck do you even control that?

It's like, you know, if you wanna optimally piss, you've got to piss for about 12 seconds. You don't wanna piss any longer than that. No, well, if I have, if I have piss I do. Yeah. Well, how do you should make up? You should set an alarm. Country fucking set an alarm for seven and a half hours.

You need, you need a chip clip for your dick. Oh, yeah, for setting an alarm for my piss. This is what you're saying. Yeah, that's smart. I get that. Yeah, that's smart. It's got to have Adams is a as a satirist, right? I mean, he's a cartoonist, right?

I mean, shouldn't you be expressing these kinds of things with satire? Like the thing we invented, so stupid people and you know, take our bank accounts and stuff? Yeah. So because they don't understand what you're saying. Right. Well, they just ignore you.

I don't know. I just don't know if you're saying right right well, they just ignore you. I don't know they just I Don't know if I think your sense of humor just leaves you After you know, I have a whole disease like 60 I need my bearded in that. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know Age Scott. I yeah, I didn't remember who that was 65 65. I feel kind of bad that you lost all this stuff, but man, how the fuck you want us to handle that shit? How stupid, how stupid do you want to be? You know, you're like, you know. Just say the inward bro.

That's what I mean. What do you mean? Well, if they could say it, you fucking know why. And if you don't. Yeah, exactly. You know why. How can you be this old? And this is the first fucking time you've ever, and it's clearly not the first time you've thought this either. You said

that's why you buy your house like that. Which I don't believe. Yeah. Because no person in the whole fucking world buys their house where there's specifically the least black people. Yeah. Ah, well, uh, fucking Siberia would be over one. Yeah, he's still in America. So must not be that important. Yeah. Go to fucking Mexico. There's like one or two percent black people in Mexico. Yeah, I mean, that would be, well, there's a lot of idiot.

Right. It's okay to be white. 47% of high school only educated women said they would be less likely to date a feminist. Like a male feminist? Yeah. Okay. So half of women who only went to high school

yeah, say they'd be less likely to date a feminist, meanwhile, 25% of college educated women would say. Hey, look, this is comparing high school women to college educated women. Yeah. Less like a Jason White based on the following. Yeah. And you can see how on some of them, the college is makes them dumb.

Lives with your parents. Well, that's, yeah. They are. Yeah, lives with their parents. 52% of high school girls are not going to date you. 69% of college girls are not going to date you. Huh, that's rough. Yeah, there's not a lot, right? Right, right. Just got out of college girls are not gonna date you. Huh, that's rough.

Yeah, there's not a lot, right? Right, right. Just got out of college. Yeah, see ya. I'm not dating guys that live on their houses and stuff. Sure. Yeah, yeah. You know, much shorter than you.

That's kind of closer. Yeah. Did not go to college. Oh, that's a big factor. Yeah, I guess it's cool. This all makes sense. It's a Republican. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I guess that just that one's the big switch. Uh-huh. Because high school girls know they're lying.

Right? Yeah, half of them are like, oh, no, yeah, because they're probably rapist. I don't want to fuck with that. But then 25% most of college girls need that shit. I guess some other stats in here too. Gender equality is not a majority of Americans say gender equality is very important. Whether they identify as feminists or not, or everybody's got to identify as something. Yeah, what can't you just have have thoughts or opinions or like a,

you, these labels, man. I got, I got told it to show. Oh, these labels. Some woman, I don't think she was, I don't know if she was joking or what. Hard to tell, huh? Yeah, it is hard to tell. I don't think so, but I'm always gonna,

don't leave her a little bit of an out. Okay. She said that I was wearing a trax suit, and Adidas trax suit. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, um, she said that I was wearing a trancsuit, and indeed, it's trancsuit. Yeah, yeah. She's like, well, you know, you gotta be careful because you're supporting pedophiles with what you wear.

And I said, what the hell are you talking about? Right. She's like, well, you know, that whole blincyaga thing. Yeah. Well, this isn't blincyaga, first of all, but, uh, yeah, I don't, uh, I don't give a shit about that. It's a track suit. Uh huh.

It's not a comfy, not a pedophile suit. Right. I don't know. I mean, what are you fucking wearing? Not my fault. The day pedophiles make this shit that you're wearing. Yeah. Did you get that on Etsy?

Is it a pedophile? Did you do a background check on them? Mm hmm. It was one just saying, you know, you have to be, you know, you're putting it out there. I'm like, hey, you know what, actually, I fuck, you know what? I'm pro pedophile now. How's that? Because there's no pedophiles in here,

bothering me about what I'm wearing today. So that's pedophiles one, you zero. Now, how are you gonna even score here? Would you wanna keep having this conversation or what? Um, it was a weird inter-ing. I saw a bunch of guys out there with tracksuits. Are you gonna even score here? When do you wanna keep having this conversation or what? Was a weird inter-ring. I saw a bunch of guys out there with track suits. I'll get their asses in here. I'll get a file.

Yeah, you should try that with, go down the street to the, to Ivan's discount tire and tell him and all his buddies there that they're supporting pedophilia with their traxuits. Yeah, go ahead. That goes over for you. It's very important for women to have equal rights

with men, non-feminists, 69%. Feminists, 90%. Really, feminists, there was 10% of feminists that did not think it's very important for women to have equal rights as men. That's a good point. That's a good point. Yeah.

Did they understand the question? Right. There you go. There you go. Still women. Are they joking? Or do they think they should have more? 11% said fewer black people.

That's favor the ERA being added to the US Constitution. Yeah, that's split to people. People not saying, okay, how is this one? Our country has not gone far enough when it comes to giving women equal rights with men, 39% of not feminists. That's a big gap. Yeah. 74% of feminists.

What more do they want? What more rights do they want? Do you know? Can you even? Well, no, but I mean, like, what more do they want? What more rights do they want? Do you know, can you even, well, no, but I mean, like, are we talking like constitutional rights? Like, which ones do they not have? That's what I mean. Yeah.

That's what I mean. I mean, isn't everything like constitutionally? Men don't have any rights to any reproductive rights at all. Right? I mean, yes, women don't anymore necessarily everywhere. I mean, you know, I mean, states or, you know, some states went along with the federal government, right? It's like, yeah, kind of revert whatever the fed says they go with.

Yeah. Mendo didn't even have the right to dress up like whores and go dance around kids anymore in some states. I think they took away drag shows. Not in the tracks, it's hum. Yeah, so. Oh, that's true.

Interesting. Just a bunch of bullshit. Let's see here. And you got some big ass raccoons out there. Really? Oh, yeah, man. I was like, hey, somebody's Australian shepherds got out. Oh, he was like, holy shit, those are fucking raccoons running down the street.

We had a, we had a citizen notification that there was, that they were going to be shooting them. Oh, really? Yeah, it was like animal control is going to be discharging again. Did you post that? No. We thought it was a swatting at first. Right.

Is this a odd joke or a prank or something? Um, but no, they're gonna come out and shoot them. Oh, so I guess get a good look at them. There's a, yeah, tube, I guess too many. A bleacher says, hey, take your 100% right. I drive locomotives and they started diversity hiring and it's a fucking disaster. Yeah, well, oh well.

Wow, he drives locomotives. Be cool. Fuck yeah. I still think trains are coolest shit. Yeah, they're cool. I drove a subway driving simulator in Japan. A subway driving simulator. Yeah, like you stand there and try to drive it.

Right. Like it has all the same thing. It's the same thing. Stand up. One person or five. No, I wish. And then it had like a dumb little hat that you could wear. Oh my God.

Uh, I was expensive too. Leavens says, I thought you'd like this, Only fans, Megastar Diana Deets has committed suicide. Oh god. I have a boy. She allegedly became depressed after people discovered she had been manipulating her pornographic pictures to give herself the appearance of a child of a young girl of a child. Oh my god.

Wait, what? Really? Did what she known as a fucking porn actress to be like, no possible way that that that's accurate to begin with? Like, and then it's like, I'm a little girl and I don't know. Let's see. I'm so confused. She's an adult.

Let's be clear. She's an adult. So what we're doing is, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Diana Deets. Coconut kitty. Oh, so that's her. Oh, I mean, okay. Looks like a fucking computer. Yeah, obviously that's.

Again, that's horrible. Like that filter. Yeah. Was it a surprise when you found out that this was manipulated? Yeah. Something that same color as her arm. Wait, is this the reason she killed herself? Is that what they're saying?

Like, she got finnished. I know. She's so peto baiting it. I guess the arm looks about 35 though. Well, maybe the face looks 16. Yeah, but it doesn't look real. That's totally fake. That uncanny valley thing.

That's untrained things. That's totally fake. That uncanny valley thing. I'm praying, thinks that's a trial. No, no, no. Who is known online as coconut kitty is committed suicide. According to announcement on our Instagram page, address to all lovers and fans of coconut. Life is unfair, life is unfair. We wish you guys could get to know

the way your friends and family did. See, she was a light in this world. Truly, she was glowing. You could never slow that girl down. Oh, okay. That's an adult. Yeah, that's all got... I mean, what the hell?

Look at these... That's obvious. Look at those gigantic tits. Yeah, who knows if any of that's real or filtered? How the fuck is that pedobeating? Okay. So lie. Fuckin'-

You got a closet full of track suits. Huh. Yeah. Oh my God. Ah, ah, ah, ah! Like, what the fuck? You don't even do it good. Like, this is like,

She had five million people thinking this was real? Oh my God. You fuckers are dumb. Right. Dumb as hell. Dumb as hell. She got accused of petobating by altering her online appearance.

No, that can't be true. It's, no, but stupid people accuse everybody of doing something. Look at this. Yeah. Is that like, well, she looks 16. This is this makes you a pedophile. I'm going to need two tracksuits. Now, um, yeah, once again, the legs look, legs look 30 something. I definitely get tired of people commenting on my looks when I was canning.

She wouldn't give her age. Wow, that's shocking. A woman wouldn't give her age. That's what a weirdo. Okay, more. More gigantic. Look at even her nostrils or Photoshop. Look. Let's get a zoom in on that. They're like super black. Yeah, why is that? Because it's like a shark's eyes. Every pixel on that fucking shit has been, look at the fucking smudging around her head. Yeah.

Uh, all right. Wow, amazing, amazing job on the nostrils. Why does it hurt? Yeah. I got old dick. If fucking happened, finally happened. It's just ridiculous. Someone would say it happened. They're doing at least 10 years ago, but.

Okay. Yeah, but it is, like it's fucking dumb. Yeah. This is what every fucking person who doesn't get it says. It's fucking dumb. Everyone knows it. Everyone knows that your pictures are fake. Well, I'm going to kill myself in my desk.

You're doing such a great job. Um, Laveria, I've various fan mail. Do you, uh, you always have complaints about your girlfriend? If you are that unsatisfied, Have you been, have you, have you see familiar with the show? Is he familiar with literally any show? If you are that unsatisfied with her, get a new one.

It's not hard. Okay. It let me guess. You're going to tell me how to do it, right? I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Get one that will not only clean out your protein cups, but will make them for you. All right. Mormon girls are brainwashed into being the best house,

yeah, see? Bragging. Mormon girls are brainwashed into being the best housewives. Really, then why do you need so many of them? If they're so good. Never will say no. We'll do all the housekeeping, laundry, cleaning, and cooking. So like a website for this?

It said church of Jesus Christ. What are they saying? Yeah, they got one. Hell, people admire you so much. You could get a different woman who will keep alcohol stock for you in no time. What is this email? To all the dickheads, oh yeah, what the fuck are you doing keeping a woman around who isn't

doing this for you? Is the sex and blow jobs? That fantastic. Go get another better girlfriend already. All right, buddy, I think you're taking this very serious thing off it too seriously. To all the dickheads, find a religious girlfriend to do all the things you want her to do. Then give her some Bible Jesus BS when she complains,

yeah, I mean, fucking, religious relationships just all seem so fucking fantastic, right? There's no constant judging going on. Honestly, most Christian Mormon girls are taught that it is their duty as a female to respect men and put them first. Sure, you might have to fake being into her religious practices for the first two years, but would it not be worth it to be fair, it's worth thinking about. Is the advice to pretend to be into God? I guess.

A religious girl. I guess. A very religious girl. Maybe so. So you have someone to, so you have a slave. Wash clothes and stuff. Right. I think you're aiming to kind of low. I don't know.

Sounds like a lot of work. Probably do. It sounds like a sign felled episode. You could probably, you know, go take one from any third world country and just forego the whole God thing. And get a slave to it, right? You know, go take one from any third world country and just for go the whole God thing. And get a slave to it. You know, I mean, if that's it, they really, they figured it out.

Their English is bad. So it's even, you know, I mean, there's no talking to it. I don't think he's shooting high enough. Um, if I know one thing about women, it's that, um, no one has figured out how to make them do the things you're claiming that they do. No religion, except maybe the Tates, even the Tates got busted. Not even Islam. Keep them in line forever. So you might have swallowed a little too much of the of the old indoctrination yourself, buddy. And if you think that pretending to believe in God is going to get you a live and made.

Well, plus you're going to hell. You don't forget that. There's that. Yeah, I mean, call me Ishmael. It's shockingly appropriate for my situation. My stupid bitch girlfriend keeps acting like a stupid. You know what you ought to do. You got a Mormon girl. Yeah, go date a Mormon girl. I don't really care about my girlfriend for my situation. My stupid bitch girlfriend keeps acting like a stupid. You know what you ought to do.

You got a Mormon girl. Go date a Mormon girl. Right. So he doesn't make statements like this. Clearly, with the wrong woman. I don't understand the thought process. Yeah, you know, just pretend to believe in God and go to church.

You're like, pick up a girl. I got shit to do on Sunday, yeah. I had this show that I'm doing. Yeah, I had. My stupid bitch girlfriend keeps acting like a stupid bitch and sending me dumb bitch texts like we need to talk tonight while I'm at work. Oh God.

I'm trying to work. Not think about whatever. Why need bullshit you think is important. Like not buying enough flowers or how your mom thinks I don't like her because the last thing I'll have in mind when I have time to chat with people is talk to an older, less attractive version of a woman

just pisses me off. And if I ignore them, I don't care. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha for the picture by flaccid penis. Since that's clearly what she wants me to be. Fuck. All right, well, maybe the other guy can give you some pointers. Right, we've put them in contact with each other. Yeah, set up, hey, this is like, you know, you gotta introduce them to each other. I'm surprised that all the religion people aren't

like touting this is a great way, great reason to join their religion. Look, we got all these women, they do whatever you tell them. I know, they're recruits, right? Like, I mean, is it true they do whatever you tell them? No. Yeah. Hey, Dick, I hate books too.

Too many collars are calling you out on your book and art hate, so I'm writing to back you up. Books are collections of ideas by a given author. Oh, the only reason a book, and it, of itself, is important, is so people who don't understand it can appeal to the authority of the book. The author of the government official with a PhD in education who put it in a high school curriculum. This is the most frustrating with books about how retarded it is to blindly follow authority,

like Dune or 1984. If you read Dune and hearing that herber sucks causes an emotional reaction in you, you're having the same type of reaction that he was attributing to the people who went on the galactic g-hod for the protect, I don't understand any of us talking about. By the way, I've tried to watch that movie, I can't. I just forget what's happening. Well, it's, uh, I've got to go to sleep. The one that was just released.

Yeah. Uh, I liked it, but I mean, it just stops in the middle of a story. Like that's the, yeah, yeah, yeah, just stops. That's why I don't get what happened. Yeah, it's like you have to see the second part. So, uh, by the way, two of the colors brought up, Leute Sicken, a Chinese science fiction author who writes thinly veiled anti-communist allegory.

However, they recently made a movie wandering earth based on this universe with some changes. So it's cool that could have happened if people cared more about anti-communism than about okay fuck books and go fuck yourself. Okay. Thank you. wrongfully accused hey dick. This is a sad story don't use my name. Okay. I was in a big amateur orchestra. I live and breathe music. It was a major part of my life. From nowhere, I was banned on grounds of harassment. I never got to know the details. Who made the accusations? Well, that's bullshit.

Yeah, or even an opportunity to defend myself. I honestly cannot think of any situation warranting this. I never met any friends from orchestra again. I was devastated. Relapsed on drugs and alcohol. My depression came back. My relationship ended. Although she never knew why I had to quit.

My ability to work was destroyed and I even got a formal warning. You got a fucking, somebody has got to tell you something. Yeah! That's fucking bullshit. Man, there's so many people that just lie about this stuff and then never. Yeah, and then like we got to protect it. You got to, somebody's got to fucking tell you something specific. I would just love to know the actual number

of fake rape accusations and harassment accusations. I mean, it's not zero. No, and it's probably a fucking lot. And actually, it's good to hope that most of them are fake, because that's hoping that there's less rapes. So that's what I'm going with. You have some? Yeah. I hope it didn't happen. Right.

Yeah. Deal with that. Angle. Try to, try to bust me with that, angle. Try to, try to bust me on that one now. I'm hoping there's less ribs. That's a real puzzler. Mm-hmm. You guys are the one hoping for all the ribs.

It's been half a year now. And I was slowly turning things around, moved into my own apartment, started a successful woodworking hobby. That sounds like his fucking life just fell apart. Yeah. And through therapy, slowly regained my sense of self. I'm almost back to my usual performance at work.

Good. What do you think his job is? What if he's like an abortion doctor? Oh, God. Then it would make the story different. Yeah, wood, wouldn't it? And almost back to my usual performance. Right after the breakup and the banning

from the orchestra and stuff like that, I mean, yeah, I mean, probably had a rough couple weeks. Or whatever he lives in China and he works at like a dog meat farm. Oh. Oh. Gee. Eikes. I swear, those dog meat farm videos.

I haven't seen them. They're gonna get us into World War Three. I don't wanna see them. Yeah, I already see them. Oh, that's it. If you show women that every day, World War Three. None of this hog warts. I don't know, man.

Somebody asked me. Hon Solo shit. Somebody asked me whether I love my dog or my girlfriend more. I didn't even hesitate. I wouldn't either. Yeah. I didn't even hesitate. Just because you need to date one of these nice Mormon girls.

It's always, it's always fucking bragging. Always. I'll tell you what you need to do, don't. Please don't. I was ready, yeah, yeah, back to my usual performance at work. I was ready to leave it all behind me, determine to never let myself even be remotely accused of something like that again. Does that sound like he has an inkling of what it was?

By that sentence? No, it must be, well, you can assume it's like a woman, right? You can ask meant? Yeah, her ass. Maybe that's all I know't know. No, it must be well, you can assume it's like a woman, right? Well, you can ask meant yeah, her ass maybe. Well, no, maybe that's maybe that's all I know is harassment. Yeah, so yeah, accused of something like her ass. That's the only kind of harassment they'll cut you out of something for sure. Um, like sexual harassment, right? I mean, yeah, not like, hey, my kid, uh, fucking, he's a cell. This many. I don't like cars. Right. It's like, hey, my kid fucking, he's a cell this many girls got to ride. It's like harassment. That's not harassment.

It's worse harassment. I got into a new circle, made friends and generally had a good time matching interests, open atmosphere, even cute girls. Today I got a message an organizer for an event. I got wind of the accusations and band name. So what? And he doesn't know. How the fuck did that happen? So everybody knows, but you got a fucking, you got a fucking, get some answers.

Yeah, you got to hire a private investigator or catfish, catfish people. You got fucking pose, whoever made the decision for you not to be able to be allowed or if you have to fucking know, um, make like a matrix. I've been watching too much reality TV. You're a bad guy now, okay? You got to set up like fake social media accounts of those people and contact the other ones to see if you can get dirt on who, to see if you can figure out who accused you

of harassing them, right? That's a really good idea. Yeah, catfish, catfish them individually as the old orchestra guy, like conductor, whatever. What you like, I remember that harassment stuff that you told me about tell me it again. I forgot about it. I mean Is what are they gonna do then? You know that rapist. He's also a catfish, you know, I gotta give a shit about that I

Don't know man like I mean, you know I he seems pretty I Mean he seems pretty sincere in his email. I mean, I don't know you know is he seems pretty, I mean, he seems pretty sincere in his email. I mean, I don't, you know, is he withholding something like he sort of knows what it could be? Was I, you know, I mean, I'm not completely sold on the fact that like he has no little bit. He has no idea. Very rarely do you have no idea what it could be.

Unless, unless you did something that you have no idea is bad and everybody else kind of thinks it is. I mean, I suppose it could happen. I don't know. I was at a party a long time ago and I don't know, maybe I've told this story. This girl walked over and told, it was with my sister and told my sister that this guy was being weird to her and like put something in her drink or something like that. And your sister's drink.

No, in hers. She was like, she was being real weird like vague and stuff about it. She's like, yeah, it's really weird that guy is just like, and we knew the guy. It was like, total, out of 100 people at the party, wherever I'm like, pick the one you need. Yeah, pick the one. I'm like, pick the one you need. I should pick the one. I'm like, there's no absolutely no way. Yeah.

I've been with him. I happen to not be around him right now, but I've been with him all night. Yeah. But that's how it starts. Yeah. It's just like, he's just like, you know, fucking schlub and they pick him,

like some women are just fucking psychotic or something happens to them. And they don't know who it was, but they're like, I did it. I'm sure that guy did it. And it's just not at all way too sloppy drunk at a bar and like you must have been roofied. Yeah, like you have to, you know, I mean, they're a lot, they're a lot crazier than they get credit for women.

And they like one, they will make shit up and get their entire friend circle on their side and they will never stop. Look, they will never change their minds. There's fucking crazy people. Yeah. Like, what? It's the whole, like, do you believe everybody just as like humans? No.

No, that would be fucking ridiculous. Yeah. There's always a percentage that are lying their asses off. Today, I got a message and organizer for an event had got wind of the accusations and There's always a percentage that are lying their asses off. Today I got a message an organizer for an event had got wind of the accusations and panting me. Oh, damn. The accusations, he's got a fucking no,

he's got a no something. Oh, fucking, it's Garletta man there's a book for ya. I'm worried this will haunt me forever. I'm considering a trip to Greenland, don't, I would move. If I hadn't had to wait 11 years in apartment queues to get this apartment. Welcome to Sweden. You guys have to wait 11,

you have to wait to get an apartment. Is that in Sweden? What the fuck? Wait, so he's not killing himself because he waited that long to, no, he said he would move, but he had to wait and a queue. He said, I'm gonna think about a move to Greenland. I would move, but no, no said he would move but oh he would have to wait and he said I'm going to think about a move to Greenland I would move but no no he would move and like get new friends.

Sweden and housing cues what the fuck interesting a guide to Swedishness for non-sweeds. Okay thanks for this big stupid preamble for the information. Thank you, SEO. Thanks so much, Google, for ruining the whole internet, finding an apartment in Sweden in the US. It is possible to find an apartment. Oh, Sweden is quite different. Here you sign up for a housing queue.

Swedes love their lines. I kind of doubt it and accumulate points. They're trying to write this all cutesy. Swedes love their lines. That's the reason you have to wait in one for 11 years. The more points you have determined by the length of time you have been in the queue, the higher priority you have for renting an apartment.

If you're waiting for... Which one kind of stupid way to explain waiting line is that? The longer you wait in the line, the more points you get and then you're seeing the flow of your feet. The closer you wait in the line, the more points you get, and then you're seeing you're in the front of your bean. Shit head. Yeah. In Malmo. In Malmo.

In Malmo, the time spent paid by the world. Before you have enough points to actually rent an apartment using them is typically between three and four years. And Stockholm, it's more like six. Where do you live? With your parents? In their apartment? Or can you afford a house?

Bro, so you can't even move for 11 years? Like if you're sick of your apartment, like I gotta get back in the line. That's fucking crazy. Bucked guns now. Now make as many as possible. So you need this as horse shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow. You don't have to go through this housing. You can secondhand, you can sublies, have some insider information about a friend who's giving up their contract to swoop in. We're being employed by a company that gets priority in mind. Oh, you can sublies. Oh my god So you're a fuck you so you're allowed to sub lease That's dumb

Um All right, what a way that's weird man. Welcome to Sweden, which I really really like what can I do regards desperate listener catfish There you go easy What can I do? Regardless, Jasper, listen, Kaffish, there you go. Easy. Too bad stuff. Kaffes, you're gonna have to lie your way out.

Lies guy, you end of this mess. Lies gonna have to get you out, bud. What else can you do? I don't know. Tell people preemptively that's fucking weird. Oh, hey, by the way, somebody will contact you and say I did something. What?

I don't know. I have no idea. No idea what it could be. No fucking idea at all. All it takes is like get him get him It takes us like two people to say the same thing and it's like it's fact everybody just repeats it Yeah, because we're all fucking stupid same stupid people we have been for the tens of thousands of years Yeah, yeah, get get one guy is susceptible to the same things Yeah, it's get one of the get somebody get the new person that fired you or whatever, get them drunk

and see if they'll tell you then, right? Yeah. Get them set up like project Veritas style, hidden camera. Do you see that guy got kicked out of his company? Mm-hmm. That guy, what's his name? James O'Keefe. You know him?

He does all those funny videos. Like he dressed up as a pimp and got that home loan. No, that's like my bitch and I need an A corn. My bitch needs a home loan. A corn? Yeah. You remember that? That was a long time ago.

And then he like, he got that Pfizer guy on Grindr. He set up a gay date. And then he took him out and got him drunk and he started talking about all the stuff Pfizer does, causing heart attacks and stuff. Who is this guy? James O'Keefe. You don't know him. Oh, he's hilarious. I knew a Jamie O'Keefe. They kicked him out of his project Veritas. Wow.

Cause he, he fixed his boat or something with company money. Thought he'd get out of here. He moved to a non-black neighborhood. Yeah, Scott Adams is gonna rent a house boat. Just go live in the middle of the ocean. Yeah. Not knowing that black people in swimming,

they're just gonna do it coincidentally. If he sees a black seabass, he's gonna shit himself. Hahaha. Get the fuck away from, what kind of comment is that? To white people. Get the fuck away from. Out of his, he's fucking fuck away from out of his he's fucking He's out of his mind. He's like

Temper tantrum. He's throwing fucking a tantrum. You blew your one like get on that on that stupid What a joke stupid Okay Now still I got here Rabbinit McDengus says, when AI replaces only fans, what'd be called only Dan's?

What? It's like Dan, that AI. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. Hmm. Hey, Dick, this is from Five. You've mentioned this twice on the show, so I'm gonna correct you. Oh, my favorite.

Yeah. The guy at Google who thought the AI was sentient was not head of AI or anything. He worked in Google's responsible AI organization, which is in charge of making sure the AI doesn't use hate speech. So he wasn't even an engineer. Okay.

He just a fucking cry baby. Yeah. I mean, the guy's nuts. Cajun, is he was let go for being gullible enough to believe a chatbot. No, there you go. Another note, representation in media, I'm a brown Mexican guy.

Oh, okay. I just saw the new Lord of the Rings TV show. That sounds funny, but like that. Yeah, that's a thing. Yeah, how dark are you? I mean, yeah. I just saw the new Lord of the Rings TV show and I feel inspired by the character Gladriel.

I have nothing in common with her. For one, she is an elf. She is also a woman, wider than white, short, high-born, et cetera. I don't see, I don't need to see a guy that's like me or from the same background, I feel invested in the character's story. Yeah, I mean, yeah, right.

Everyone knows that. Well, I mean, and that's also, I don't, you know, maybe it's different for some people if it's not fantasy. What do you mean? I mean, and that's also, I don't, you know, maybe it's different for some people if it's not fantasy. What do you mean? I mean, if it's like, if it's like a trash man. Ah, if it's, well, no, I mean, if it's like set in the real world or something,

or, you know, I mean, maybe, or something that like rail people, like nobody, everybody knows. I hope everybody knows that the Lord of the Rings is fantasy. Well, I'm not sure though. You know, yeah, it's like Putin. That's where Scott Adams wants to live, I think.

The black elf didn't bother me. Oh, oh, in elf. No, in the elf with Will Ferrell. Yeah, yeah, no, the Lord of the Rings. I watched that show. But there's a there's a black elf. Yeah, the Lord of the Rings. I watched that show. There's a, there's a black elf. Yeah, it was a big deal. And everyone's pissed off.

This is a black people in Lord of the Rings. You didn't see any of that? No, no, no. I've watched it. And this was like a big, for this is like two months. Really? People were really going fucking crazy. Really?

Scott Adams was totally silent. Yeah. How about Peter Dinklage? No, they also had a black, I don't think she was a midget. Adam was totally silent. Yeah. How about Peter Dinklage? No, they also had a black, I don't think she was a midget. I don't know, the black elf, mates, I was fine. Like I didn't think like that was,

well, that was like, who cares? Jarring. Yeah. But the black dwarf was kind of weird. Cause I always think of dwarves in like a cave. Yeah. Like as one little, well first of all, they're all like, all the, they're all like their own races

and now they have sub races in there. So that doesn't make any sense. And they're also like highly racist. So like what are these guys, these guys like are all races all the time. They don't have any kind of like bad word for black elf guy. Mm, okay. A black elf guy.

Oh, and you're talking the dwarfs to the elves. Yeah, but the dwarfs seemed, I don't know why it seemed more weird than having. So there's a black elf and a black dwarf. It's like there's no elf Africa, right? So why is there a black elf? That's what it doesn't make sense like Elf Africa so you mean because all elves come from the same place. Yeah, I don't know. They're like

made out of like magic or something right. Yeah. Well, why is it black magic? Good night. So okay. So maybe he magically made himself black, right? Sure. I don't know why, my mind. I'm like, all right, well, whatever. That guy, that's a black elf. I don't know.

But then the black dwarf, the dwarves are so silly. You know, I don't know why the black dwarf was so much weirder. Huh. Was it like a casting thing? Was it like the way that he played him? Oh, she probably won. Oh, I don't know, because like a fat lady. Hmm, maybe that's my own dwarves.

They're always like stout, right? In lower the rings. Like you don't see like thin dwarves. No, they're always like stout, right? In lower the rings. Like, you don't see like thin dwarves. No, they're like kind of ass kickers, right? I mean, the swing acts as they punch above their weight. Yeah, usually, yeah. I guess I'll have to think about that some more. Let's see.

Well, you want to do a fat watch? Well, we've got, well, we've got you here. You know, fat watch watch today and fat news generally like to do fat watch this is from uh... uh... goren goren uh... says uh... fat watch fat guys at a baseball game hey dick unknown fat watch

is our visual but i saw this post on reddit and thought of you and tron know they can be articles too. Here's the Reddit article he links to. Man, you gotta go read. You gotta watch that. Love is blind. Prank show that I was telling you about. And then you gotta go read the subreddit.

It's just tens of thousands of women talking about what isn't fat and how basically no one is fat. Yeah, it's just normal. It's the new, and how it's the new normal. It's like they're shaped like a fucking plate. What are you even talking about? And they look like a clown. Like there's so much makeup.

I should have these girls. They take, I could see just what you pulled up. I could see how much that was fucking caked on. This girl, she's like, you know, trowel for that shit. It's, they do face contouring. Yeah. Where they put some, like, they paint their face like a painting.

Where you can change the shape. Yeah. Like that contour. It's fucked up. Yeah. Like, they, they're putting it on so thick, it's like that baseball under eye gunk. Yeah, yeah, I blow. All over their face.

Yeah, it's like eye black, but all over. And then they spend like an hour fucking painting a new face on. Yeah, yeah, all over their face. Yeah, it's like eye black, but all over. And then they spend like an hour fucking painting a new face on a smaller, skinnier face. So me and my two fat brothers are all in our late 30s, early 40s going to Toronto and Rodgers Center for the first time. Lots of excitement as we're going in May to catch the Blink 182 concert and two Jays games.

Okay. We just had a few questions if anyone knows the answers. We all weigh between 350 and 450 pounds. Wow. Don't go to any stadiums, please. I know Roger's center is going through some renovations, but in people's experiences, what are the best seats for fat people? I'm worried about whether chair arms are real. I mean, it's entertaining. I mean, there's plenty of 400 pound people at every event ever. I'm worried about whether chair arms move up or encroaching on other people's personal space. If you move the fucking chair arm up, you are damn sure going to encroach on other people.

You jackass. We're debating buying two seats each just not to ruin anyone else's experience. It's very considerate of you. Yeah, I mean, that can't be cheap. I don't like that you're only debating it. We were thinking down the third man, they are really gonna have to like, because you don't need two seats each. You just need like three for two fat people. Yeah, but if you, but if the arm doesn't go up then you're fucked. So they're going to have to make new stadiums with like seats that can convert from a normal

size to like a fat ass size, you know? Yeah. Like a little pull up and it converts. We were thinking down the third baseline near foul pole for one game. And then in the breeder's section, speaking of fat, what are the best places to eat? We were interested in the best pizza or burger spots or any food. Anyone who's gotten giveaways how yeah, yeah, okay, well, at least he's being nice about it. Any tips besides, yeah, he's wait. Okay. Besides Lewis White, he has yeah, okay. Well, at least he's being nice about it. Any tips besides lose weight.

Okay. Besides lose weight, you heard us heard that one. Fat watch with a twist. Fat, fat fishing is the new dating phenomenon. And it's not okay. Columnist, Ochanah Hocking. Fat fishing. Fell victim to this common dating app trick.

And she wants everyone to know that it's not okay. If you match someone on a dating app and you turn up and they're roughly 20 kilos heavier than they looked in their photos, are you allowed to call them out? 20 kilos. Fuck, what is that? 35 pounds.

Two points. Two point two pounds, I think, per kilogram. 44, four, cheeses. Are you allowed to call the mounted? Does that make you a bit of a dick? I ask because this happened to me not so long ago. I matched the guy and we did the usual banter back and forth before we decided to meet at a bar.

I popped on a cute dress, light makeup, and chouft. Oh, she's hot. Owner of a cute dog, stole, stable job, and broad shoulders. What the fuck is he, oh, I was talking about the guy. I arrived a couple minutes late and scanned the bar looking for a guy I'd match with. I see a guy from the corner.

All right, all right, all right. The guy starts laughing and waving. I squint my eyes. It's me, Matt. He looks different, not necessarily good. 20 kilos have, yeah, yeah, okay, got it. That fishing. She doesn't have the picture of the guy. Damn it.

She's mad at the... Yeah, well, so sorry, the guy tricked you. Because it's been done the other side for... Sorry, this, so sorry, this new phenomenon is happening to you. Feminism. There you go. It's, There's equal. He's a feminist.

Let's see here. Red Venom. Sends that watch with a twist, okay? Fat shamed by foam. Oh, boy. Oh, no. Oh, no. All right, here she goes.

Oh, no, oh no. All right, and she goes. Oh no. This is the old woman, a fat woman that jumped into a ball pit, a foam pit that had kids, had children's gym, and then is stuck in the foam and cannot extricate herself from it. Here she goes. Watch this, kids. We just, she's disappeared.

Right. Three kids were sm we just she's disappeared right Three kids were smothered to death It's taking three guys to lift her out of the foam and doesn't look like they did it She can't climb out no Okay, oh boy, she really had to kind of it took a few strides to kind of get everything done in the right direction. What is it when there are a size where it's like they're wearing an inner tube around their chest that's always like wobbling and jiggling and stuff. Really odd. Some people get fat in really odd places.

Yeah. Like oddly fat. Yeah. I wish I could see like not the fat app-face thing that everybody does, but like how exactly would I get fat? You know? I used to work with this woman who, I mean, a really, really nice lady and she fucking died of a heart attack.

Like, but she was, you know, I mean, you saw it coming, but she was really, she looked like, except for the fat, like her legs were really skitt, she looked like an Olympic, like an old school, like strong man drawing. Oh, okay. You know, like, where? Yeah. Just like a ball of like an upper body and these like spindly legs.

I don't know how that happens. It's so weird. I wanna know though. Yeah. Let's see here. Okay. Oh yeah, a couple of people sent in the ball pit one, the foam pit. Good. Thanks for that one, guys.

A daily reminder that you can be fat and hot. This one says, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, Are you wearing a gigantic sail shirt here? She looks like a, you gotta pull this picture up. She looks like her face looks like a really, really fat version of Lars Ulrich from Metallica. I swear to God. She looks like the little mermaid, but like inflated. Like just plugged out, you know? Right.

Let me look up Lars. What, how do you spell his name? Ulrich. Yeah. That's it. Well. Oh, my God. You got the right picture.

Yeah, I see what you mean. He's got a little, yeah. Right. It's not crazy little, yeah. What? It's not crazy. No, it's not. Where's one where he's pissed off? It's the size of his head. Yeah.

And face. It's just the, yeah. Yeah. Oh. I know, it's hard to get him. He's always fucking mugging for like, Pfft. Pfft. Oh.

Oh, it's good shit. I need a daily reminder of this. Oh, no, I think one was good. She's found out people were downloading music for free. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. I bet so much of the listeners don't even remember that.

No, that's. What is this? Is this a eight, what is this? 88 is that sign behind her? Isn't that, isn't that a Earnhardt junior? Is that why he'd steered in so all the get away from? No, no, no, that was a father. No, no belt or any belt loops, which are, yeah, probably removed them.

They ran away. I'll never been heating these, she says. Yeah, let's see the comments about how beautiful her talent says. Come on, come on, come on, come on. No. 99 comments. Not loading. No 99 comments not loading Probably because they were all offensive Wow

So you just I guess some people just don't understand that they're kind of it's the internet and they're really they're really asking for it Yeah, you're really setting yourself up for a bad time. Yeah. Um, okay, last one maybe. And I'll see you here. Oh, all right. Hey guys, I wanted to show you all my outfit. I'm going out tonight for my great day.

My top is from Amazon Cubs. And fishnets on the Amazon is a little clutch. It is from some of my skirt. She's skinned a Yeti. Everything else is a little much. She's skinned a yeti everything else is from McDonald's Doing who are you wearing taunt on? Okay you wearing taunt on? You said that I'm really fucking boring. Okay. Wow. They're just they're growing at an incredible rate. It's the norm now. Okay. Is it a show patreon.com slash DC? You guys are scissor. Go to go to live.dick.show to get tickets for Philly. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be a Saturday show so I'll have plenty of money. I'll make it to them. Good-oot. Shit. Whoops. You're ready. Whoa. Oh.

Mmm. Oh, god. Somebody did a banana-dox remix. Really? Yeah, I gotta play that. Okay. Mmm, if I could find it. Here it is.

They did a banana-dox remix, but they put like a minute and a half of the intro. Walter. Walter. Yeah, you got it. Yeah. The minute and a half of it. Walter, if I had to go, I think my cat and I could have won my flower pot.

Care of checking. Yes, Walter. Insurance. Retirement plans. Right. They even stocked it. Cutts minutes. That is weaver.

You were in the world, where everyone ever written, every picture of a painting, every film, ever shot, could be viewed instantly in your home, for an information seems to be fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. Here's where the song starts. That is quite a stare. I wish I had you more.

I wish I had you more. I didn't just go wild. I wish I knew more. I wish I knew more. I wish I knew more. I wish I knew wait a minute I wish I Guess in line Because I wish I knew more. I wish I knew more. I wish I knew more. I wish I knew more. I wish I knew more. I wish I knew more. I wish I knew more.

I wish I knew more. I wish I knew more. I wish I knew more. I wish I knew more. more, more, more. That's for all plays. That's for all plays. You should be playing. Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. It's good. Yeah, it's good. Another bug. Oh, God. Oh, God. I'm talking about first boys.

Oh, it's like I got first boys. Oh, it's like I got first boys. Oh, it's like I got first for you. This car, it's just... Food flies again. Yeah, this good. Food flies again. I wish I had a newborn.

I wish I had a good one. Just dead eyes in his. I can't put your laugh in time. Yeah, that's good. Very good. Very good. And there's another god damn a minute and a half outro.

I've come to say, but not just have to ripen in a certain way. And when they're... All right, all right, all right. This is, um, your man, Martian. I'll put it on the save and stuff. It's funny shit. Thank you for sending.

Very good job. I wish I knew more. Those stuck in my head all day. I was just gonna be in mine now too. Oh, fruit flies again. Oh, fruit flies again. Oh, fruit flies again. Oops. Buzzer, Buzzer, Buzzer.

No, no, no, no. Damn, that was weird. That just fucked up my head right there. Yeah. I did the whole intro in my head. Ha, ha, ha. of my head right there. Yeah. I did the whole intro in my head. I'm looking at one of the saddest fast thoughts I've ever seen in my life in the wild. In a car, a small car, no, he's not in. He's about to get in. He's paused at the fucking door. What's going to happen?

This is all happening in real time. It's great. It was covered in these things. It's cool. The guys are recessed, two inches. The other guy is on a stage. One of those. Yeah. The shoes are on time, of course, because he couldn't do that. All right. We'll bring him to the car. We can't even do the sideways trick. This has been going on for a minute before he... Oh, no. Maybe he got too fat to get in the car. He can't even do the sideways trick. This has been going on for a minute before he's gone. No, maybe he got too fat to get in the car. Just going to be telling you to open that lunch was the one. Talking to someone getting in. He's still in this

like leaned in just taking a peek inside the door to see what's going on. Is that something you hear? It's not doing okay. Dan's up. He leaned on the roof. Okay. Leaning on the roof. She opens the trunk. Copping bags go into the trunk.

Talking to him. He hands her something. All right. Eventually something's going to happen. Something's going to happen. Oh my god. I didn't think it's going to take this long. How long did these voicemail last? You got three minutes? Yeah, you're gonna make it

Still waiting just cancel this and don't play this one. This is too fucking annoying. I'm sorry I even call it. Oh, I'm angry then scully. Maybe I'll call back to be a regent to the fucking car. Yeah It's still on though. This is the light. This is my life that they 500 plus pound man. Yeah. I'll bet my last army's over 5. Here we go.

Open the front door. Once the other under on half far, the spring go down on this car. Be getting in. What? He gets in. That's it. The card didn't bud. Oh, what? No fucking way. Aftermarket springs.

He's got aftermarket springs. All right. Well, it must have got him exciting. Mine a key and gotten those. Yeah. Good shot. Yeah. Should be an ad.

It's called right. Oh my God. Card didn't bud. Yeah, he's waiting for, you know, the joke was on. Thanks. The joke was on him. Yeah. It's like, fuck. He just got in. It didn't yet is waiting for you know it's your queson thanks to your queson him

yeah it's like fuck he just got in it didn't budge he's driving smoothly through the parking lot god damn it even over the speed bumps uh... uh... okay hey hey Sean now when my girlfriend calls me

i have a couple parameters that i'd really really would like to be met. And I would like her to not mention her shitting. Oh, okay. Operations on penises, and other weird ways people can comport their penises. How often does this come up? A very comfortable with imagining my cock, be tucking my cock like a fucking dreaded

thing. Yeah. We're about to get an excruciating detail. with imagining my cock, the cocking my cock like a fucking dread. Yeah, we're about to get an excruciating detail. Cause she wants her to drag you. I told the procedure of turning a dick. Is she a dick? A surgeon? Yeah, what? Right.

Excruciating detail before we go eat sushi, fucking trough your food, send her a finger about my dick, or a fuck dude. That's right. Why does it come up? Right. Give her give the background.

She gets, I get fucking quiet and she wonders why I'm like saying they're going to have 30 seconds to say why this keeps happening to you. Talk about these things. Please. Yeah. Never. It's horrible. Horrible.

No. Yeah, never. Ah, it's horrible. Horrible thought. No, odd, odd that these conversations that he, this happens regularly apparently. Yeah, right? Yeah, that is odd. Very odd, very odd. Just saying, can you have you considered Mormonism? Okay. They do what you say.

Yeah, I'm according to that guy. Yeah, right. Now there's some girl telling her friends like, oh, honey, you just have to just pretend to be Mormon. These guys, you want to get a minute yet? They're idiots. You do whatever you want. You just don't tell them about it.

You just pretend, if you think you can outpretend a woman, you were wrong. Oh boy. Okay. Here we go. Hey, Dick, hey, Sean, I just have to say all this coming out of the 10 pool podcast is so goddamn funny. I remember listening to him right before the Trump reelection or whatever. You know, his podcast is a fly-out tutorial. It was kind of fun to listen to because he's such a fucking idiot. He has it all these fun people on there like Ryan Long and like other people alike, you know.

And then all the sudden Adam leaves like the-host, the nature boy or whatever. And they replace him with some fucking two-bit version of himself. And you can just tell some shit's going on. And the fact that all of this crap is just like out in the daylight now, just one of them's- That's funny.

So fucking hilarious. You must be laughing about this every day. You fucking fuck with her. The guy who calls himself a gonzo journalist is like a hardcore simp for that Elizabeth Blue girl that lied about being sex trafficked. Turned out she was just a stripper and then she fucked a couple guys for Brent.

Right. And that was her being sex trafficked. Like, that's just you fucking not having a job that's what that is Uh, and this dude's like oh god over her every time he's talking about her or two or it's so funny Uh, day. Okay, let's see here So I heard that uh Ralph gay and You know, I I have been a to think that my fee to or buy care

whatever I think you have to be to understand women that won't that well right it's kind of like that episode I just watch a South Park where when they're free things that are farting in the whole point I think that would stupid episode I shouldn't have been about getting one over on men, because women always get jokes in on that. You fucking get me. Oh, that's a weird episode. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm a bad episode.

You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode.

You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a bad episode. You're like, I'm a lost in the lead here point is I think the whole thing is like it's funny for bothers you Like it seems that Wait, which part bother me with bother Ralph. I don't know if it was bother dick, but like being called gay

We're probably really bother Ralph. This is not the only Ralph is gay. Oh being called gay He better got guys come on Me yeah, I'm surprised it's a lot of I hope he gets better. I'm not gonna lie. I hope Ralph gets better. Kitchen help. Um,

what's wrong with health. I mean, I mean, for a lot of long. Yeah, but you know, like nothing new, right? I mean, he's just, he's living his life and yeah.

Uh, he got his email. I wouldn't say I don't have it's hacked, but definitely accessed. Really? Yeah. Um, I think he typed his it's hacked, but definitely accessed. Really? Yeah. I think he typed his password in on stream or something, on accident.

By accident. Oh, God. So people logged into his email. Yeah. And they found out that he made like $200,000 streaming, which is very disappointing for people to hate Ralph because it's a lot of money. Yeah.

Like all they do is like accuse him of faking all his donations. Yeah. So then they went, they went through them and all the donations are real. Yeah. And he made a lot of money. Like oh, uh, well, and he's also gay because he had in his, in his email, he had, he had in his drafts a message that is obviously copied from a woman about something like some dumb woman story about cheating on a guy or something that he had in his draft folder. Yeah. So, their thinking is that he wrote a, he wrote like an apology for having cheated on a guy to himself.

His drafts folder. Um, it makes, obviously, a woman wrote it and it's copied and put in the fucking drafts. But you know, he's gay. No, that's the, the straightest guy in the fucking world, right? The guy with a sex tape with a woman online in multiple who acts like the most straightest man there has ever been. Who's the most straightest guy through his behavior online, Ethan Ralph? That guy's gay?

Really? Then I guess we're all fucking gay then. The guy fighting with multiple stepfathers is gay. Does that sound like a gay thing to you? Yeah. Whatever. Yeah, you know, yeah. It's showing he's gay.

Uh, all right, one more. Hmm. Hey, Dick, my rage is making a good joke and then not knowing what to do afterwards. You might not relate to this because- Hold for applause. We're just supposed to do all the time as a comedian. But whenever I accidentally make a good joke

and then everyone's laughing, it's never an accident. I get the most social anxiety because I'm like, I just kinda wanna like get a good joke. You can follow it up. Yeah, that's right. I made a good joke. It's like what do you do rock?

And the award wants to get snapshot. Yeah. So remember that I made this good joke and just think about it forever. But I just like, jam there. I'm like, yeah, let's be funny like this. And no, don't do that. It's just like, I don't think that that would just be not funny. No, that would not be funny. That might be a strange but. I think I would do a solution which we should

implement everywhere is have just a joke score and you just have a number and so people could just see you objectively know how fun you are. And so if you make a good joke, you know, you just like think about all the points you're getting. You know what? You just like to do that. And then you know,

I'm like, I'm gonna think about why I'm sitting there and like try not to be arrogant because I'm happy that I made someone laugh. Ask them. I'm gonna go fuck yourself. Ask them to rate the joke. Make a joke. What do you rate that at a 10?

Yeah. Seven. Suck all the fun out of the room. Call the fun. That'll be funny once, maybe twice. You gotta keep doing it. Get going to get until it gets funny again. You have to be more confident in the joke that you made.

Like no matter the reaction that it gets. Yeah. Like if I tell that to, you know, like it work or something like that. It's a God Adam. No, you just go like, fuck away from black people. You just, you look at one of them. Yeah. Fuck you, John, that was funny.

Like, you know, or just, yeah, you just see if, like it's on them. Are people not laughing? Yeah, like you're the fucking idiots. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck you, I know that was funny. Gold. Yeah, that I'm dropping here. Yeah, exactly. Pearls before swine. Are you even listening to me? Yeah. Are you hass I know that was funny. Gold that I'm dropping here. Yeah, exactly pearls before swine.

Are you even listening to me? Yeah. Are you assholes even paying attention to me? Yeah, you don't care. I want you to kill yourselves. Oh, you heard that. Now I'm going to HR. I wonder what that guy got done in. It's harassment. I don't know, man. I fucking know. I'll catch him. Send me more information. Why don't you write in, why don't you write in, and if, give us, and if you have any inkling about what it could be, here's what you do. Set up flyers.

Cause I have to know. Around town of your picture. Yeah. And that's a lost dog. Have you seen this man? Yeah. Has this man done something to you? Right.

Call this number and you pretend to be someone else. Right. Right. And see if they you pretend to be someone else. Right. Right. And see if they'll call you and rat you out. Make like a whole new fake social circle to see if they'll reach out to the new one. And like fake people, then see if they'll reach out and do it again.

And then you got them. Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then send them child porn and call the cops say that person that fucked me over actually they were a petapile Fuck you over. I hope everybody owes me a big fat apology and I can go back to playing the fucking violin or whatever I'm doing Yeah, you know, I mean Dick knows how to do this kind of shit All right, goodbye everyone. Thank you. I should it's 10 No, it's not to do this kind of shit.

I'm not gonna lie. All right, goodbye everyone. See ya, thank you. Oh, shit, it's 10.