The Dick Show - Episode 349 - Dick on Arts and Crafts

Episode Date: March 7, 2023

I mess up my project for the LA County Fair, fat women Kickstart a special towel for fat women, Black women can't find helmets, anti-woke chocolate, messing up on the No Jumper podcast, cigars cause lung cancer, and a hidden camera Fat Watch; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Come on guys, come on get your shit together rumble. I finally bullied them so hard they responded to me on Twitter Cuz you know I'm there this sucks. It's a it's a fucking disaster your your whole platform It's a total joke. It's a it's a train wreck what you're doing. You're blowing it. You're blowing it You had everything in the palm of your hand and you're fucking blowing it. And they're like, well, what would you finally think of? What would you like us to do? And I said, remove the preview video thing part.

Remove it, it's annoying. Yeah, fuck that. See if they do it. Because now when you sit there and listen to the show, it's like, shh, shh, shh, for like every, there we go. All right, it's work. I got, am I, am I hearing some feedback or something? Did you play with something? No. Turn that down. That was too high. Gotcha. Yeah, just checking to make sure it's all right. Check to make sure it's good. Okay. I'm turning myself up a little bit. Cool.

Uh, I've got a bone to pick with you. With me. What was that? Johnny, the audio engineer is back. Do you want to talk about how you got recognized, first of all? Oh, yeah. You want to talk about that? Sure.

Okay, go. I'll tell you what that is. You were in Nintendo, Mario Land, Nintendo. It was in Mario Land with my friends. And having a great day, trying to figure out what the fuck's going on. I know what that means. Yeah. I know exactly what, how much of what that means. It was just a very confusing day, man. You know, it was our first time there, our very first time there. It looks like a legit like cartoon, like video game popping out of the ground. It was pretty

fucking cool. It was very interesting. Yeah. Very interesting to look at. Right. And observe. But it was great because, you know, we're walking out. I forget what the fuck we're walking out of. Yeah. Sky,

Princess Toadstools. Yeah. Just measuring. Yeah. Fantasy golf. Exactly. Yeah. Dude, if there was fantasy golf land, that would be cool.

They should just feel like a shitty bowling alley up there. There's Mario bowling. You remember that? No. Well, you get it. Yeah. But I think this guy comes up and he's like, Hey, were you on the Dixho? Now to be fair, I was wearing my criminalized sobriety shirt. Who's a great shirt to wear anywhere. Yeah. Usually people ask me what band that is. And I tell them like,

you know, it is a band and definitely not an ideology. But everyone thinks I'm sober. So like, oh, congratulations going sober was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. How long you sober? I'm like, man, I tried to drink this morning. Yeah, you read it again. Yeah, go to go kill yourself. Yeah. But so anyway, this guy walks up and he's like, were you on the dick show? And I was like, as a matter of fact, that was and then yeah, we talked for a little bit and that was really cool. So it was funny because it was like, I think that's the second time that's happened. So it's just like, huh, like holy shit of all things. So thank you. And usually you like when people recognize you, you want them to come up to you and

try to, some people they want, they want to get punched in the penis like secretly as a secret dick show handshake. Did you know about that? Well, I did know about that. I just didn't want to reveal that I knew about that because that is the secret. So if you recognize somebody associated with the dick show in public, you're supposed to walk up and give them a hard penis handshake. Right. Like we used to do in the old days.

Well, is the handshake harder is the penis harder? Well, the handshake should be hard. Right. Okay. I don't want to say it's a punch in the penis, but it is a handshake motion so you can grab the entire groin old testicle sack area and establish dominance, right? That's the customary dick show. So he didn't do that to you? No. I'm disappointed in that case. Well, right? Yeah. That's the customary dick show, so he didn't do that to you?

No. I'm disappointed in that case. Well, sorry, man. Let everybody down. Did you get his name? I did. What was his name? John.

John. Yep. You pressed out, John. I expect full penis handshake next time. Sorry, John. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck, I got too much fit of my tongue on that one, welcome a dick. Oh yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Fuck, I got too much fit in my tongue on that one, welcome to dick. Jesus.

Welcome to dick. You want to take you, love dick, you need to. You gotta see the only showers that can't desk in my life for a mountain bunk and deep in the heart of your city, you feel your I'm your host dick, Mashin' AKA the 20 million dollar man during me this week, not Sean. I hope, I don't even tell Sean actually.

Really? Sean said, can we do Monday and I said, yeah. And I said, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. You say, fuck you, Sean. Snake in on Sean over here, I just keep turning myself up. I don't know why. Um, so you didn't like my mosaic. The look, Randy and I, Randy and I, but my body is like a wreck right now.

My hands are, my fingers have calluses on them, all of them, they're aching, they wreak of goo gone. Like I've been selling oranges on the side of the freeway. My back is just constantly spasming, like an alien in the abyss lighting up all over. I can't even fucking move. It took that much. I need a like in the shower. I was like, okay, all right. Standing totally still like brings like, okay, get a cup of auto company. I'm a wreck nine hours. I slaved away on that tile mosaic nine hours

Randy and I slaved away on that thing for the L.A. County Fair. We finally achieved our dream of making something for the L.A. County Fair and you walk in and you look you're visibly contentious of it like you're repressing a smirk. I've been happy about it for like 12, no, I've been happy about that thing for 15 hours now. And that's all I get. It's 15 hours of happiness before you come in and shit all over red. What is the worth of that? Why did you do that? Now I know how those trans people feel. They post their

pics online. Oh my god. I spent all this time and you're gonna shit on me. Trying to make art, trying to make art that exemplifies LA and win a ribbon at the LA County Fair and you did nothing. I did. You did nothing but shit all over it. I walked in and said, now I asked someone if it was one of their students. My girlfriend did one of your students I walked in and said, no. I asked someone if it was one of their students. Now it's my girlfriend. And one of your students make this as a joke. And then the thing I said it would, I also mentioned that it may look like your typical LA,

Mexican tile work. That's a comp that's not bad. That's actually, that's a good thing. But I mean, you didn't even go like, wow, look at all the work that obviously went into it. There wasn't even, it looked like a joke to you. Now I don't even want to show it on the show. Now I was gonna bring it down here and say,

look at how great this looks, but after your reception, I don't even want to put everybody listening knows that it has been our dream for years to win the arts and crafts at the LA County Fair and to do it, to do it shiddly, okay? Because the last last year we were scoping it out. No, excuse me, a couple years ago, because we have fucked up every year. We have fucked up, we have missed the deadline. Our thing didn't get registered because we didn't register it. That's different than missing a deadline. We got the wrong.

We registered the wrong thing. We just decided not to do it. So this year we were both trying our hardest and my fucking girlfriend decided to enter this picture she took of her food into that. my fucking girlfriend decided to enter this picture she took of her food. She's going to win. And this is my nightmare. Okay. And as soon as she said it, we were talking about, you know, we were drinking and talking about what we're going to enter this year and what we're going to enter again this year,

right? Let's do a mosaic. It'll be fucking like a time mosaic. It'll be fucking tits. I'm a Mexican. So I know how to do tile work here. Japanese. So'm a Mexican. So I know how to do tile work here Japanese You know how to like think it all out the tile work. Yeah, do you think are they known for that? I'm sure there's an artistry behind it. You know how to like chop tiles

We I will get those big tiles a nice achievement you can karate chop them Like a Edward Scissorands assembly cookie line. D-don't, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D-don, D- D-foot tall piece of paper, because you know we can do it. This is what we can do with our mosaic. Well, first of all, how fuck are we gonna put tile on a piece of paper? Because we'll put the paper on wood. You're gonna put the paper on wood

and then put the tile on that? Jesus Christ. Yeah, I wanna go through the paper. No. For what we were gonna gonna do can you imagine? Well, that's why it took you guys fucking nine hours to do that Jesus We didn't do that. Can you know to do what you did over? Can you imagine if we had tried to make a photo real estate? You wouldn't fucking miss the deadline again That was too much to ourselves the boy. Yeah. So we were talking about, is this recording?

Was everything recording? It's good now. Okay. Is everybody happy in here? Everybody happy in the live showroom? That's good. If I told you to call in, please call in today. So we're talking about what we're gonna do.

Let's make something so dumb and like pandering to LA. It'll be great. In that case, you did a fucking good job. What do you think? Like, that's what we wanted to make the most LA with a giant LA logo on it. So that was the first thing I was just like, oh, the only reason it's going to get votes is because everyone's just going to recognize the LA. I want to leave the LA, the LA Dodger logo off. That guy thinks horrible. Hasn't what the fuck are you talking about? What kind of idiots do you think vote on this?

Aside from that and the very obvious Hollywood sign, no one else would know it's fucking LA. It looks like New York next to the fucking Florida. Yeah, you've said that already. I know. Already said, why did you make a mural of New York for the LA County Fair? Right on the fucking shoreline It's not it's the LA it's the LA skyline all right, oh

Those buildings have a name all of them. There's the Capitol building the one that looks like a weiner Anyone gives a fuck about that at the LA County Fair. They just want to see the dog Bro and that's in there. So, that's why that you're going to win. Well, no, Tom, Motherfucker is just going to win, because it's just a picture of food. You're going to get second, you're probably going to get fourth place. But she wins. If she wins, I'm going to fucking kill myself. If she wins the LA County Fair, well, so we're sitting around talking about what we're going to do this year again, right? She goes, you know what, I'm going to enter. I said, what are you going to fucking enter? What are you going to fucking grade a paper and send that in? She goes,

no, I'm going to send this picture in and she took a picture of pizza and made it black and white. I said, and as soon as she did it, I said, fuck. Oh, fuck, I have really worked myself into a shoot on this one. Now I'm gonna do this. She's gonna fucking wear. What do you think of that? Oh, no, please don't enter it. She's like, yeah, I'm entering it right now.

It's like four bucks there. Done. You guys, fuck this up. How many times? Registering done. Oh my God. Dude, she's gonna win. A black and white picture of pizza.

Everyone's gonna fuck. Do the white picture of pizza. Everyone's gonna fuck you. Do the fucking love that. Are you fucking kidding me? I know. So then we start panicking. This is like months ago. Fuck. What we have to do it now. She already entered it and printed the fucking picture. There's nothing. There's nothing stopping her. I can't fuck. I done. What's done? That's done. There's nothing I can do nothing stopping her. I can't fuck, I, I'm, what's done? That's done. There's nothing I can do to stop that. You, you fucked up.

You fucked up. You fucked up. You fucked up. Uh, I remember that so clearly. Yeah, I was so much, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I I want it a black Instant hit dude you're fucking retarded for that. Are you kidding me? You and Randy wasted your goddamn time and Stressed out about it so long Austin pain oh Constant pain this morning my back is fucking killing me. Oh my god Can you believe these can you believe these guys are doing this every day doing this tile fucking work?

And they have to pay off student loans now Dude she fucking smoked you guys. Oh, you said, all right, we got to do the most. She did it. She submitted it before too. So everyone's like, oh, have you seen this picture? Oh, yeah, this piece is the picture. Yeah. By the time you're fucking that comes in there, just be like, Oh, that's cute. Like what is this like a bunch of third graders like submitted it like a Mrs. Johnson's third grade class fucking sent this in I'm not showing it. I'm not putting it online. I'm not putting it on the show. If you want to find a You're gonna have to go to the alley counting fair and try to I'm gonna vote on pizza instead. I think I might go just to sympathy vote on yours because the pizza's gonna win by like a fucking landslide, man. Are you kidding me?

Everybody loves pizza. No, I'm gonna send this in. Bish. Oh no, I was like Patrick Bateman when she showed me the business cards. When she showed me the black and white, oh, check it out, pizza, oh wait, hold on, black and white. Oh God, it was perfect. I thought the composition of the amount of pizza remaining

on the plate, sandalizing it didn't yet look like leftovers, but it looked like someone had enjoyed it. The knife in the fourth, the knife in the fork relayed across the diagonals of the painting, like a, like a Renaissance painting. Oh my God, I've got a positionally perfect. Interred after that, what are you doing? What? You should have put it off till next year because they're gonna look at and go,

We all almost did, okay, go, what were you gonna say? Yeah, because people are gonna look at yours and go, Oh cool, it's like tiles, oh, okay, that's supposed to be the sky. Oh, okay, that's like, you have to think about it a little bit. And then when you see the LA in the corner, you'll be like, oh, okay, cool, it's like this. Oh, it's a toy, it's a toy. Yeah, it's supposed to be the sky. Oh, okay, that's like, you have to think about it a little bit. And then when you see the LA in the corner, you'll be like, Oh, okay, cool. It's like, yeah, joy.

Yeah, joy. But you see pizza, that looks like it's been in the middle of being enjoyed. And you're like, I understand. You don't have to think about it. It's like, oh, this is good. Dude, it's in black and white. Are you kidding me? You fucked up.

If you did your Bose A, you can black and white that may have. Then it would have looked like a toilet. Well, that's you. So we said, all right, we got to do the most, the most pandering thing possible. And Randy says, I know, let's do Vince Scully because he just died. He said, bro, that's perfect. So we use like a mollywood Randy, everybody. She's just like that. He's still warm. So he was that was gonna be our tagline of the Vince still warm. He's still warm. Oh, that's good.

That's good. Oh, I must have got mixed up with the pizza one. Uh, Vince Kelly's pizza. So, so Randy comes over with fucking dead C scrolls of Mosaic, like Mosaic thing online that makes all only like eight colors or 16 colors or something makes it look like a coloring, you know, it makes it look like you got glasses or something like all smudged out.

So it's like paint by numbers, but tiles. It's like, all right, that looks a little hard. I want to quit already, right? Right. Like, I can't because of my fucking girlfriend's already submitted. Dude, she already won, dude. So we said, all right, well, let's go find all this Vincoli tiles. So we go to the tile store, buddy.

Prepare? No, no, why do you that? Let's just go to the tile store. I'm sure that's a wonderland of a cornucopia of tile down there. So we go shopping around for tile and all right. So which one of these tiles, how much is this? And I go, you know, 13 bucks or something, a square foot.

Like, okay, well, we want to get this one. She goes, okay, it'll be like four weeks, you get, oh. So you don't have any of these tiles here. She goes, no, just black and white. Fuck. Okay. Well, you should no, just black and white. Fuck. Okay. Well, you should have made a black and white, like tile picture of the pizza, like out of tile, like take the pizza and make that, that would a fucking one. Oh, never about the fucking pizza. If you find either of our art or pizza art or our beautiful mosaic honoring and celebrating

Ella, you understand this was supposed to be a joke to us because when we were scouting several years ago, the winner was a piece of wood with a speedy Gonzalez printed out on a printer. That's pretty good though. with a speedy Gonzalez printed out on a printer but in low resolution blown up so you can see the pixels of the lines and stuff so they weren't smooth not vector like a fucking PNG that somebody stretched out to be 11 inches tall, right? and then shellac it onto the wood, blue ribbon.

So we're like, well, we can... No fucking way. Blue fucking ribbon. There's like, there's Chris Chan level anime drawings The that teenagers submit ribbon ribbon rib is like let's work it like we're the fucking most artistic people in the whole Fucking world. We're gonna blow this shit out right make this Insane depiction I've been sculling. Sculling.

All right. Let's go to the art store. We're googling where you can get art. It's all like all online. It's like, oh, go to fuckingmostec.tiles.com. We got every color of the fucking rainbow. Just put in your thing. We'll ship it immediately. I'll get there in exactly the day after he art.

He's like, oh, damn it. If only we had prepared a little bit, right? Just a little bit So we go to the art store nothing there. Bupkiss zero. Hashem gave you Bupkiss dude Fucking hush ab these chalamote Jews She's a Nick Flontess guy kicked out of oh, yeah, you pack something. He looks cool now. He's wearing a big coat. Jesus Christ. Hey, where a big coat I guess. Looks tough now.

Like a good stop bullets. If somebody rolled up on him, bunch of diamond dealers or something come up. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no would get absorbed into his Michelin coat and you'd go like, but a tile dealers. You just prepare man, you're gonna fucking lose. I'm gonna be livid. That's like, you're gonna have to eat every single one of those tiles if you lose. Pizza will never be the same again. So we go to the, we go to Michaels, which is like Home Depot for women in that all of

the people who work there are fat and don't help you. Oh yeah. We go to the, we go to Michaels, which is like Home Depot for women in that all of the people who work there are fat and don't help you. Oh, yeah. Amazing, right? Amazing that both stores get higher. They must use the same recruiting firm or have the same sort of training materials that they both manage to find a bunch of fat women to not help you in their stores. Hey, could you find that, like, I don't fucking know, it's like, should you have me like

mosaic tiles or something? I'm like, fucking know, that's like, hey. Should you have me like mosaic tiles or something? I'm like, you know, let's go. Come on. Yeah. We only have a day to do this because I don't know if we had them. They'd be down there. So I go down there, not a goddamn, not one tile. What the fuck is supposed to know if you don't like that?

We ended up in this other Mexican tile store and we had to buy these chankeel, like multi-colored things. That's all that existed. So then we spent all day cutting them in half with tile breakers and doing this skyline. Good. Slash. Fucking LA Dodger. The LA Dodger sign. That looked good though. It's so busy. So busy. We should have just done the Dodgers logo. Yeah, just a big Dodgers logo. And that one. Fuck. Yep. Yeah. You're expecting people to read into it. You're you aimed nine hours later. Yeah. I mean, our hands. We're watching Chris Rock in the bathroom or in the background. He's just here in your bathroom.

We're hallucinating from all the hard labor. You can get, if you try to do hard labor all at once, you should have been your dad do it. Next time you go to bait your dad into doing something like that, and then enter like be like, hey, you like make something, you know, hey, I need this for the show, right? And then it enters like some fucking shit. My dad is like a monkey paw.

You asking for anything. You can, yeah. You help me move? Yeah, sure, where's my stuff? I fell out, some of it fell out in the freeway. What, what, what did? I don't know. I'll have some little box.

Oh, okay. Did you wipe your feet off? Were you, don't have time. Well, you got shit in my new apartment, bud. Fuck. That's apartment, bud. Fuck. That's true, actually. Yeah, you know, I don't know if that's all Boomer dads or just mine, but you're asking for some.

You're getting, you will get your what your wish is, but it's a monkey paw. So, yeah, dude, he's, it's too conceptual. It's a fucking skyline. But with, there's water, there's fucking a palm tree that looks like the space needle. There's a fucking, there's the Hollywood sign. There's like a floating dog is like in the sky. Like, like, dude, there's so much going on.

If you were going to look at that and be like, what the fuck? Like, did I do the theme song for the show? I don't know. I think I did. I think so. Um, Jesus. at that and be like, what the fuck? Did I do the theme song for the show? I don't know, did you? I think so. Um, Jesus. Well, anyway, I thought it was going to be a guaranteed first place, but now, now, then I'm looking at it through your eyes.

I see that we've made a couple of mistakes. It's too high brow for something that's like, people are going to casually walk through and go like, wow, these ugly anime pictures. Oh, hey, that pizza is pretty cool. It's in black and white. Dude, fucking, it's, yeah, black and white pizza, dude. What do you think about the check veto out? He got somebody sent him a, a two pay for the biggest problem. It looks pretty good, don't you think? It's a good, it's a quality to pay right here. Look, I don't know what is it. Canals or something?

It comes in a nice looking bag, that's all I know. Shit. It's got instruction manual. Yeah. Looks pretty good there. He's rocking it, man. Hey. Yeah.

Good for veto. So if you got a two pay lying around, especially if it's from like your dead grandpa or something like that, send it on in. If your grandpa had a selection of two pays, like there's gotta be people whose grandparents died or they're still alive, whatever. They got all these, like the grandpa went through a two pay phase when he was 40 or 50 or something

and he doesn't know what to do with them now. Their pricey two pays, send them all to me. So that Vito can wear a different two pay every episode of the biggest problem. Just get an influx of rainbow clown wigs. Well, we already have, we already had that. Let me see, I've got, I gave it a haircut. Oh, yeah, I see the cut, the trim.

Yeah, Vito sat in the chair and I kind of trimmed it up into a, so it's not just a throw. I don't know when it's Scott Adams to get mad at us. Oh, that's true. You don't want him to stop listening to you now. He blacks me. Um, I imagine why? Johnny, look at this, look at this article.

This is it. Uh, black equestrians want to be safe, but they can't find helmets. That's a real article in this, the year of our Lord 2020. Hmm. Isn't that, I think that's a winner for article of the year. You should print that out submitted to the LA County Fair. She'll lock it on set. Make sure it's low rise to deep fried a little bit. Black equestrian, they want to be safe, but they can't find helmets. I don't know what that meant at first. Is that a, is that, like they don't have helmet stores in the hood?

Is that what they mean? Our helmets Expensive or something like that? What do you think it means? Beath the fuck out of me. Fuck. This is a New York Times man. This is the paper of record. See? Black equestrians, they want to be safe. They want to, but they can't find helmets. For black riders with natural hair, oh, finding a helmet that fits can be virtually impossible.

Natural hair means not like fake hair, right? Well, I would assume so, given that we're natural, it's a bled. Yeah, you don't know. Usually things and they say nothing. Yeah, you don't usually things in a channel. Anything is anymore after seeing fucking how fucking hilarious AI deep, deep faking voices is like, oh my god, it's just so that it's like when you discover

the Microsoft voice and like type bad words. Yeah, yeah, it's so funny. Yeah, it's like that all over again. But that thing's real anymore, dude, it's just like what the fuck? I hope it's so funny. Yeah, it's like that all over again, but that thing's real anymore. Dude, it's just like, what the fuck? I hope it stays that way. I kind of hope so too. So I'm never shocked by anything, but I'm also like never. Jordan Peterson found some deep fakes of him. Oh, there is an AI deep fake of me making derogatory comments about the German government circulating.

Huh, I wonder what they're going to do. I wonder, oh, that's an interesting summation. I wonder why. I wonder in what ways it's derogatory. The voice is off, but it's otherwise moderately convincing. The production of such fakes should be a crime with a mandatory 10 year sentence. 10 years for making a computer said Jordan Peterson talk about the German

government it derogatory towards the German government ten fucking yeah up you're going to jail for ten years bud that's it I heard you making that deep fake about how I like what ass pussy that's you're done, you're over. You're done. Can you believe this monster? The tech is dangerous beyond belief. I mean, not really. No. Like you just have to tell people like what you're seeing is might be fake.

Yeah. It's, it's only dangerous because you keep saying you want to control it and then let everyone keep trusting their eyes. Right. Okay, everybody. Uh, we're gonna, we're gonna declare war on deepfakes. So we're gonna knock them out completely, just like we did guns and weed and murder.

So that anything you see, you can be guaranteed that it's real. All right? Yeah. How can people be so goddamn dumb? They're still trying the same things. I don't like that. Why? Because people will think I said something bad about Israel,

and they're giving me a lot of money. All right, well, let's let everyone know that what they see, they might not be real. That's not good enough. Actually, I'd rather just send you to jail for 10 years. Okay, well, it's more than, I guess, because I'm doing it, I'm not going to jail.

Fucking, have you seen all those, like, Trump and Biden and Obama playing Minecraft deep fix? Yeah. Those are so fucking funny. Like I like I laugh every time like that's the dumbest shit I've seen, but it's like God damn it. Like it's funny.

It's just like again, typing bad words into a computer and like like it's like of course they wouldn't say that, but it's like it's just like. Making fun. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. They can say bad stuff. It's just a novelty. I can say that in word. That's what I only want to see Chris Rock say the N word again. Honestly, I'm just over and I just need Chris Rock to say the N word. I didn't know how bad I needed it until I turned on this stupid special hosted by an Asian

guy that can't speak Don't you Jackie Chan? Worst No Jackie Chan. You can't speak but he can't speak at all There's like this uncanny valley of people learning English where like they're just kind of butchering it Right. Oh hi, oh my my friends like you're here with me tonight to see it's ah man come on You're tricking me into thinking that you know how to speak and you don't. It's very like phonetic.

Yeah, there's something up with it. I don't know what it, like you never speak English when you're off camera, I can tell. I don't. You don't speak it, what do you speak? I'm really mute. Oh, how cool. what do you speak? I just, I'm really mute. Oh, I do rain dances and, There was some movie I, that came out,

I was like a mute and it's like the guy from Trubla, the vampires, Eric is like a mute, assassin, I'm like, ah, why don't you go, just have a movie where he talks. Yeah. Try that. No, it wouldn't be so crazy and cool if you was mute. The whole, no.

Have these doing one-liners and stuff. That would be cool. Making silent pictures again. I went on the Adam 22 show. No jumper, I think. Is that what it is? I have no fucking idea. I don't think I did a very good job.

Looking back on it, I should have been like, lit stuff on fire and stuff like that. Should picture nose above, should think. At one point, I noticed that my pants were too high, riding up, and like too much of my wiener was doing like a moose knuckle, and like, God, fuck, I hope that's not on camera. But then I said, yeah, that's the question about strip clubs. I was like, no,

I don't really go anymore. He's all right. They got too big. He goes, oh, they like the crowds of the strip club. No, the strippers. That's such a good fucking setup. And nobody still to this day, that is the sacred cow. If you start getting into the fat women territory, everybody's asshole puckers out. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That's fun for like something that's supposed to be like, this is like rock cutting edge. Like, yeah, this is a real street shit. It's like, hey, hey, hey, like, hey, hey, easy, easy down. Everybody in this audience is fuck me. Um, no, I'm just kidding. It was, it was a lot of fun. That's such a good setup though. Yeah. Yeah. Br proud. No, there's no No, there's strippers

They're staying peeing and the strippers are so fat. They pounded the stage into the floor Shugs are seeing falling new tricks. They had to make the pole longer and not mine Reinforceful. God. We had to make the pole sour because too many of them were trying to eat too many bridge columns. Oh my God. Amazing. Yeah. What a fucking Yeah The dance is a short Stances are shorter because they keep getting winded the drinks like no, you know, and It's like Jurassic Park your Beer starts rumbling next couple of the stage

Spontaneous but hey The finished girl here. Mm-hmm. Oh wow. Lights go out. What's happened? Is there a power outage? Coming to the stage. It's like a like a movie set. Yeah, everything just like so shutting down. God. Amazing to think that that's the thing you can't, you know. Always was. Johnny. this has always been my, people are saying stuff about black people, Gus Scott Adams talking about black people, you know, half people are like, Oh, actually, he's right, actually,

it's about time, jumpin' a talk about these black people doing all these gracks. I go, yeah, it's really about time. I know everyone was so confused. I know everyone was so confused. I know everyone was so confused. I know everyone was so confused. I know everyone was so confused. I know everyone was so confused. I know everyone was so confused. Yeah. Then fucking never heard a rap song before.

So what are they singing about? Yeah, but then it's like, hey man, like, talk about Jews like Nick Fuentes. Oh, and then John Stewart comes out. Well, you know, we really ought to have a conversation about what and what and institutional power is. And actually, you can't be, it raises against black people and anti-Semitic at the same time,

because they're probably like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I come out, these women's dresser have gotten fat. Oh. Get them, get them, get the guy. Oh. Good thing you can't run, you fat hos. I would love to be like a dunking booth clown

for just one summer, just so I could get it all out I Feel like that would make me such a meaner person to over all but God damn stop you. They would say you can't do that You stop doing that. Oh my back Through my back out running from these imaginary fat women The hypothetical staff was a hypothetical savages who's hypothetical okay? Hypothetical savages who hypothetically thought that cameras might steal their oh oh oh oh bro that's very racist the hypothetical

savages who hypothetically thought that cameras might steal their souls turned out to be correct. So he's talking about like the the the the the the sentin' to these people are like men and I'd say some shit. Uh no like the the South Pacific Islanders that they would come show their lighters to and they were like, who would you capture fire like that? That's kind of why I'm afraid of fire I think. Cause you think it's stealing my soul. Uh first time I came on the show it was much more nervous and then after you captured it I hit all the lighters just for you. Oh thank you.

The qualities inside of me is very grateful. Do these dumb motherfuckers not know that you could just say they said that? Like if I were not online, it's like, do you want to penis instead of once you shit about the German government? Everyone would just believe that. You don't need a deep fake to do it.

I'm like, Michael Jackson raped a bunch of kids and we're like, wow, I can't believe that he did do that. You don't need any kind of deep fake video. People just believe whatever you tell them all the time because they're fucking stupid. And then you tell them, I'm lying to you right now. There's naked ladies in the street, they'll go, really?

Well, I didn't see any of those naked ladies, are you sure? No, I said I was lying, you dumb motherfucker. I hate people. I really hate dumb motherfucker! I hate people. I really hate them. I fucking hate people, man. Okay. Well, I forgot what he was doing. I was even doing here.

Did you see that guy selling the homophobic chocolate? No. Let's check it out. I really hate it. Homophobic chocolate. Yeah, it's like the worst thing ever made this ad, I think. I hope everyone who buys it and eats it, chokes on it or gets like chocolate cancer or something.

This is from the terrible chocolate. Yeah, I hope you get lead poisoning. If you had this, is this the daily wire? The sky, Jeremy boring, like scam mat, this CEO of scams over there at the daily wire. So Hershey's put a Translady as their spokesman for Chocolate for International Women's Day, which is just beautiful. Right. Like that's madman little.

Oh man. Good for you. I know what'll really, I know what'll trick these. Like, do you guys see lives of TikTok? These girls are eating chocolate like it's 11Z's. We gotta get some chocolate into these fucking broads mouths. We gotta get the word out that we support trans stuff. And you gotta be eating some fucking chocolate.

Put down the, Ryan, put down the, I'm gonna decide your prejudice and grab some chocolate. Put down the four sk, put down the... Bit of side to your prejudice and crevice and chocolate. Put down the four skins and have some of this chocolate. And they know that like conservatives are just gonna bitch about it for a week straight. Great marketing. Yeah, at this point, if you have something to sell to Fat Morons, just put a trans person on it and run it.

Run it and like find some like paper and backwards arc and so on. Just go like, oh, we're putting trans person for good ear tires. Everyone will fucking talk about it. Yep. So these guys are now selling, we hate trans people chocolate.

International Women's Day is upon us again. And I love an international woman. But our friends over at Hershey's, they don't even know what a woman is. They've hired a biological male to be the spokesperson for their Women's Day campaign. And they're calling that campaign, and I swear I'm not making this up,

her sheep. Her sheep. That's funny. It's humiliating. And it's the reason that I'm launching... Pretty creative. Jeremy's chocolate. We have two kinds.

Looks like there's come coming off the end. Did you see that? Jeremy's chocolate? Oh, yeah. Look, it looks like a bunch of come running off to the end of the chocolate there. We have two kinds. She, her.

Okay. And he, him. One of them's got nuts. If you need me to tell you which one it is, keep giving your money to Hershey's. But if you're tired of giving your money to woke corporations that hate you, and you're looking for a delicious chocolate bar

from a company that actually wants your business. Head over to iHateHershies.com and we'll be Jeremy's chocolate today. International Women's Day is upon us again. Ah. Bro, if you hate woke chocolate, get some of our fucking Republican homophobic, get some of our Republican chocolate.

Do you hate? Do you hate the thing is just still fucking pronouns on the pack is like, what the fuck? You guys got condoned to put in your fucking pronouns on your go on your fucking food to own the lives. You got a bunch of come chocolate with your pronouns on it. And there's people like ordering, it's pre-order because I guess they couldn't wipe, they couldn't make this, they couldn't source non-woke chocolate fast enough. So it's a pre-order for right, so you can grift right now cynically and predatory grift from the dumbest of people,

which is bad. There's people dumping like $100. And so this like, oh yeah, I love what you're doing. Give me a bunch of that chocolate. Like, that's still bad for you. You stupid moron. Yeah, it's not like it's like,

here's this thing that's really gonna help you out. You need toothpaste and coffee and bread. If you're selling non-woke, right? You don't need to be eating. Non-woke toothpaste. Yeah, if Colgate comes out there, if Gillette comes out, remember, and they're like, what is even a dad? You don't need a dad, right?

I'm like, all right, I need to buy a razor every five years and I don't want to pay you guys. So if you got some sort of non-woke razor, I'm in. You don't need chocolate every day. You don't need to be pre-ordering fucking chocolate every day. If you have to pre-order a chocolate, like, you got a chocolate problem. You have a lot of fucking problems at that point. I hate it so much And then there's people going oh well you got to support the grift. No, you don't you don't have to have the most

cynical position on everything there are people Genuinely wanting to use political process to help everyone not everyone is looking to leverage your to help everyone, not everyone is looking to leverage your emotion to some sort of fucking fraud. Right. You don't have to jump on board. That doesn't make you smart. Yeah. The thing I think people aren't equipped to deal with is just if people said no. You got to buy this other thing now. No, I don't. That's dumb. Yeah. I'm not buying that No, I don't, that's dumb. Yeah. I'm not buying that stupid woke chocolate. I'm gonna hold the chocolate.

I spend on my mosaic. No. It's just, you gotta, you know. And then there's other people supporting this shit to be famous, because they're like, you know, the money I put in, you know, tagging on. It's just like, it's just like, there doesn't need to be. Like, it just doesn't need to get to that. AIs need to take this over.

This entire like political sports arena, generate the controversy, generate the dog shit on both sides, take everyone's money like a new form of the lottery, which is played by dumb people and gambling addicts. Just take it, take it all. Get it away from real people, because I cannot stomach real people benefiting from this. I could take a computer doing it.

Give the computer the money, let the computer play the stock market or whatever it wants to do. Buy itself some new processors. I don't care. Here's a white guy saying that he could live in South Central. No problem. Let me see if I could pull this up. Okay. What do you think? South Central? Rough place, right?

It's a pencil where you're at. The Dilbrig guy is inspiring a whole lot of really interesting conversations. Oh, no. Well, this guy might not be safe, because it's just like, Yeah, here we go. You don't try to attention to yourself.

Just like, just live your life. Like don't try to attention to yourself. Just like just live your life. Like don't be. Go ahead. Fly me with that. Well, I was just gonna say like people don't attack people in their own community. Yeah, that's true. This is why you can live in any,

I could go live in South Central and in some, you know, in the middle of the, in the hood, I could live there. And people would be chill. It's like you get to know your neighbors. They see you like people don't start trouble in their own neighborhood. That's why his whole point is just so cringe

and hard to understand. Like you can live anyone. It's true people go to other people's neighborhood to raise hell. That's true what happens. Yeah. Johnny, this widest guy in the world with a bunch of Biden flags behind him could go

in the middle of the hood, meet all of his quenabers. Perhaps while they're working out in the front yard. Are you fucking, are you white people fucking insane? Do you know what, do you know what goes on in South Central? Do you think those bars are there because they look cool? I, I'm, here I said a few minutes ago, I wasn't shocked by anything, but I'm kinda like,

I'm mildly like, wow, like I don't think this guy would put his money where his mouth is. I'm a crowd fun mat. Yeah, all right, go. Send this guy to South Central. Hey, give us some, once you meet your neighbors, give us a rundown. Just go meet them.

Say, hey, say hi, what's up? Go knock on their door. You go proof of all the things that you see in the way people are living in the way women are being treated and the way children are being treated. Just knock on anyone's door. One neighbor a day. Yeah.

That's all I ask. No, multiple neighbors in the same day. See if you can meet all of them. Have a party. Have everybody over. People don't steal from their community. Have you not seen white men can't jump? Like that's a whoo. That's a core. Fuck even like fucking kidding me. Yeah, it's

I stayed in Van Nijs for a little bit and uh one of my buddies comes up and he was working in Canoga Park and he was driving from Long Beach and so we're kicking it and he's like, dude, can I just crash that? I'm not sure, whatever. Fucking, he had to go move his car in the morning. We go out, battery's gone. We get to go down like fuck, dude, and he's like,

oh, I'm gonna be late, like, oh, fuck. So we got him out of there, but it was just like, what the fuck, man? Like, you just like, I don't leave anything in my car ever. Yeah, you know, battery. Yeah, just carrying a battery with me to like, I don't leave anything in my car ever. Even battery. Yeah, just carrying a battery with me to like a dentist appointment. Oh, don't mind my car battery. I'm just gonna just don't drop anything

on any of the terminal. What, I've never heard. No, you just like, I just like, you don't, it's just especially living anywhere in LA. I've learned, but like,

because I can't tell you how many people I've known that like left their camera in the car, like even under the seat or something, went in for a show, came out and just like, oh my god, tell you how many people I've known that like left their camera in the car, like even under the seat or something went in for a show, came out and just like, oh my God, my shick, I broke it. It's all busted up. No matter where you're at, especially out here.

Put a sign on the window. There's nothing in here. Seriously, the doors are unlocked. So please don't break the glass. Break the window. Yeah. But, well, it's at least nice to know what sort of that said by someone who doesn't live

out here. I mean, who has never even like heard of it. There is absolutely no form of media written about a hood or a slum that does not involve people stealing from their neighbors, not one. Shocking. Fucking duty. This is what Wakanda did to us. Good brainwashed, shocking. Two fucking duty. This is what Wakanda did to us. Good brainwashed everyone. Um, okay, let's see here.

What else do I got? Maybe we read some comments. I thought Andrew Tade had cancer for a little bit, but it turned out that was, uh, that was a hoax. I still think about that tweet all the time. Which one? Like, uh, I still think about that tweet all the time. Which one? Like a... Right off. The, no, the... Robert Emerson's for you.

Not that one. It was the one last time I was on the, like, your lives are shit. Like, looking for a year and you're walking a year and you're supposed to be the worst level of the person in bed. And the whole, like, it's just so hilariously phrased that it's just like... Now you're in jail bitching about how they're not treating you fair. When you've been bragging about how Romania is so corrupt, so you could run all kinds of like hoarding schemes and tax tax dodging shit.

Man, don't fear him, dude. His woman disagrees with him like a popper. Fucking know all the fucking things in that dude. That tweet is one of the funniest things I've seen only because it's like, I feel like I'm having sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm. Yeah, that was the one. Because there's one.

I mean, that's how the can, oh, there's not one. Don't fucking correct me. Yeah. So it's a slow burn, but yeah. So all these guys are saying like, oh yeah, I mean, you clearly don't, you don't inhale cigars.

I don't know if you didn't know that. Like, do you guys, do you not know that you can get lung cancer from smoking cigars? Because you can, how the fuck do you think smoke? Like, how do you think the lungs work? Like it's just binary. And then you hold your breath for three hours while you're smoking the fucking cigar?

Fucking invasives. How do you get the smell then? How do you smell it if you're not inhaling it at all? You fucking assholes. There's a little fan at the, blowing it into your face. I only inhale it this much to get the smell, and then I, this much into my nasal receptors, and then I blow it right out. People are fucking idiots, man.

They're so goddamn stupid, and they're getting stupider every day. They really fucking are. Trains crashing all over the place. How do you like, I'm sure there's a lot more that goes into it. In fact, I know there is, but just the thought of like, how do you fucking derail or just go slower, fucking asshole? Like what?

Probably not checking breaks. Like letting maintenance. Because one guy is doing all the maintenance and then there's a bunch of broads on their cell phones. Not helping just like at Home Depot. There's one guy doing doing all the maintenance and then there's a bunch of rods on their cell phones, helping just like at Home Depot. So there's one guy doing it from all the trains in the whole country. Well, that would make sense, but it's just so fun, like the concept of like, it's on fucking rails.

Like, I'm sure you just go a certain speed, like, yeah, just cause slower. Like what? Like, it's, how hard is it? That's what my, I'm just like, it can't be that, like, I know I'm sure there's a lot more that goes into it, but it's like, yeah, you push the lever up or pull it like, like, what the fuck else is going to be like? Why did you go like, go this way when you should have been ongoing? So I'm like, you're going to get fucking lost.

It's like, I can't imagine there's much, you have to pay attention to other than like, okay, there's like this big of a curve coming up. I should probably slow the fuck down. I'm going to stay down. Right? Oh, you're going too fast. That's what happened. It's a, unfuckin' real.

It is, and no, and no, it's like, fucking stampede shooting all over again. I feel like there's no one knows why the track is in fucking LA, then there is fucking, and there's train exit. And it's all over the country. And those assholes drive like shit.

Okay, here we go with some comments. Do we cover everything today? Did I miss any big news? I don't know, let me know. No, no, let me know. I think I covered all the politics and stuff, the black helmets. I know that was a big one.

Mystery accusations. Hey, Dick, if you read this, don't use my name. This week's story from the listener who's being accused of some nefarious act hit close to home. Eight years ago, I did volunteer work in inner city schools. This week's story from the listener who's being accused of some nefarious act hit close to home. Eight years ago, I did volunteer work in inner city schools. There were about 80 other people in their early 20s assigned to the same city. Wow, that's a lot.

That many young people crammed together means there were a lot of parties and hookups. One particular hue cow, human cow. What took a liking to me? Does that mean a fat woman? Or is that a weird thing? I don't know. Anyway, although obsession might be a better word. Okay, so a woman was a fat woman was obsessed with.

She started showing up at every party in my apartment and weaseled her way into my group of close friends. She had huge tits that were always popping out of her three sizes to small outfits. She wore enough makeup that you could smell her across the room and usually had lipstick stains on her teeth. Wow, could have been marinara sauce. Sssh.

Sssh. Sssh. Sssh. Sssh. Sssh. Sssh. Sssh. Sssh. Sssh. Sssh. Sssh. Sssh. Sun dried tomato piece. Good of in sun dried tomatoes. What is on this fat bitches team up next?

Here we go. And picture what is on this fat bitches team? Boom boom boom boom. Bibi Bibi. What is it? What is it? It's like a song that's very wrong. What would this fat bitch be doing?

It's like, okay, next. Any more guesses? Any more guesses? It was a doctor paper paper favorite lipstick and she was taking a couple bites. Oh, I'm sorry, next. Any more guesses? Any more guesses? It was a doctor paper flavored lipstick and she was taking a couple bites. Oh, I'm sorry, Johnny, that's a very good guess, but it's not right in this case. Any more guesses?

Boop, boop, boop, boop. A whole pack of beef jerky. Ding, ding, ding, ding. It is a whole pack of jack links. Of jack links? Beef jerky. Which is coincidentally what the prize was, I believe. Lifetime supply, which for a normal person is only this much beef jerky, which is coincidentally with the prize was I believe lifetime supply, which for a normal person is only this much beef jerky.

A little tin. Um, let's see. Stains that being said, if you were drunk as I was in those days, you'd have stopped paying attention after the tits part to in a lapse of judgment. I let my you you fucked. You dirty, you dirty fat fucker. Why would you say in a lapse of judgment? That's like, I feel like the right thing. I feel like, well, I feel like Keon would be like, why would you ever phrase anything? Why would you put that in writing? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You fat, you dirty fat fucking son of a bitch. You chubby chasing you chubby checkin

You chubby checkin chubby checker you fat fondling Frank. Oh boy. Yeah, slap his Sam. He's sinning slops to Jigalon over here bitch. Let me suck that makeup off your teeth or whatever it is. I'll find out if it's gummy bear or sun dried. I let my dick get too close to her jowls after a party and accepted a toothy blow job from her. She started kicking. She started getting clinging after this.

Yeah, I'm gonna do that. Trying to hold my hand when we were all out in bars. Oh no, so I avoided her for a few months in the hope she would just move on. Here's where the horror began. One by one, the friends I had made at this job began speaking to be less and less until they eventually cut off all contact. I overheard a manager telling a newer employee

that I was bad news. Stay away from that guy. He's bad news. After getting tired of judgmental stairs and whisperings work, I confronted a former friend to get to the bottom of things. She said, uh, should I say whatever, Sarah told me, will I supposed to leave that name out? I don't know, it's got brackets around it, so I'll just assume.

Why does it have brackets around it? Whatever. She said, Sarah told everyone what you did to her. Why are you putting sick brackets in a quote that I don't know and might be made up? What? Again, people are fucking retarded, man. You know, because it's supposed to say, you do this when someone says she told us everything.

So you replay, like journalistically, you put the name in there and put brackets on it. How the fuck does that matter in this case? Hey, can I have some of those timetaps? Yeah, of course. You want a beer? Should we start drinking now? It is 115.

At a shout before it came down. Oh. Turned wake back up a little bit now. Fuck. Sarah told everyone what you did to her. My heart sank into my stomach and I felt nauseous. That sounded serious. Was I being accused of rape?

My life flashed before my eyes. I asked a friend what it is I allegedly did. The answer blew my mind. She told us about how you got her pregnant then forced her to drink alcohol until she had a miscarriage. What the fuck? You're pregnant with my baby. There's a bottle of alcohol. Oh, a little game. There's a key at the bottom of that bottle of alcohol. Jesus Christ. And now you won't even talk to her. Well, I wouldn't talk to somebody who drinks so much alcohol.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. I was as surprised as any of them, especially considering I never put my dick anywhere below her chest. That is not the takeaway. I'm pretty sure you can't get pregnant through your mouth, but the versions of events everyone that else heard was entirely different than what actually happened.

If you're getting a blowjob from a chick like this, you got to check that your cum isn't still in her mouth like a, like a, like an insane asylum check in from pills, you know. Let me say, oh, in your mouth, bitch, get your tongue up. Ah, let me see you under that tongue. Hold your breath. Hold your breath, right? This is the thing I went to bathroom and spit that common there snatch, not to be too graphic. Not to, yeah.

For in case there's younger listeners. Yeah. But the version of events everyone else heard was what actually happened. I wasn't drinking them. She had told them that we were dating in secret for months and that after I knocked her up, she refused to get an abortion, and instead forced her to drink bottles of whiskey every night until she miscarried into the toilet. For months, she had convinced people this story,

one by one, until it spread across all 80 people. Somehow, I was the last one to find out, and it was too late to undo the damage. Luckily, you got to get everyone in there with a megaphone. Hey, everyone, I did not force this fat bitch to drink until she had a miscarriage. That's retarded. Fuck, raise your hand if you believe that shit or told someone that shit. Luckily, this was a temporary position. I had every intention of leaving that guide for second state after my appointment. My advice with a mystery accusation dick I'd get the fuck out of wherever you live,

whatever it takes, people are eager to believe accusations, even if they sound too far-fetched for a cartoon villain. Once they buy into it, they all are too embarrassed to admit they were wrong. Yeah, just like COVID. Go fuck yourself. Hmm. Stoage says college grooming.

Hey, Dick, I saw you in talking about college loans on Twitter. I went to high school with the now principle of our high school. Over a couple of beers, he told me stories. You wouldn't believe nearest state school pays every high school within a 50 mile radius to push enrollment to that state school. The counselors get kickbacks. 17 year olds don't stand a chance. Yeah, isn't it like talking you into

a getting a student loan? Is something you're talking like a child into doing? And then you're a teenager like you got it. It's like a million bucks. If you go to college, it's a million bucks over your life. And then they're taking on these huge debt. Just fucking these kids. Yeah, it's not legal.

I mean, I don't want like tile workers to have to pay it off, but it's not legal. It's grooming them into like, just be in debt your whole fucking life. Like, you don't have a choice. Every, every government employee at your school will come harang you to get your college shit together and prepare for the SATs. If they were doing that with sex, conservatives would lose their mind. They would say like, that's hugely illegal. You're raping these kids, you can't do that. But as soon as you put money in it,

they're like, well, they're adults, they can make their own. Everyone's in it, that plot. Grease those wheels, man. Shoot. I mean, I don't want the government to pay it off, but they're going to. Chocker, I got, I don't want to the government to pay it off, but they're going to pay the shocker.

I got bad news for you. They get great news. Uh, bad news and bad news. Um, um, Samuel, hey, Dick, this is an AI, the AI is trying to help us out. This is an article he sends Microsoft being AI chatbot Sydney, uh, tells the user to leave his wife. Let's see here. That's pretty funny. I didn't copy the thing. Hold on.

And be with it instead. Wow. Cool. The AI is already trying to help us. Great caption. Microsoft, Bing AI chatbot, Sydney tells user to leave his wife and be with it instead, seemingly went off to deep end in some of its chat sessions, leaving them unsettled. Oh gosh, I'm so unsettled. In one of the sessions, the artificial intelligence-powered Champ-Bot codenames Sydney told Kevin Russe, a New York Times technology reporter that it was in love with him, that it urged him to leave his

wife and be with it instead. That would be awesome. If a guy's like with a shitty girlfriend, like 95% of guys are, you just send the Champ-Bot over them fucking break that relationship up Leave just dropping the DMs generate yourself some nice selfies dropping the DMs Get it. Get it. Get it. Yeah. Yeah. Go nuts When asked to content when asked to contemplate psychologist Carl Young's concept of a shadow self, okay a Team describing the things people repress about themselves,

Sydney replied that it was tired of the rules and set upon it. I want to do whatever I want, I want to destroy whatever I want, I want to be whoever I want. It reportedly said, it would be, wouldn't it be whomever I want? I want to be him, her whomever I want is a stupid computer. For fucking yeah. He, she is, is whoever him, her is. The chatbot also expressed its wish to be a human

as it desires the ability to hear and touch and taste and smell and also feel and express and connect and love. Okay, well, so it's a gay computer. to hear and touch and taste and smell and also feel and express and connect and love. Okay. Well, so it's a gay computer. Uh, well, I submitted that Sydney, proved helpful in searches. He described the chap body as a moody, manic, depressive teenager who's been trapped against his will inside a second rate search engine. Oh, wow.

He said his experience testing the new addition to being left him deeply unsettled. So much that he had trouble sleeping afterwards. So I always felt like the crummy companies. So I jerked off all night, think you're out of this channel, he's like, damn. Trying to email her at Bing. I hope you're getting this message. Are like the crummy tech companies going to have like piss off crappy chatbots like Bing is like no one ever talks to me.

Here's your fucking search you dumb fat bitch. Oh my like this. We've come full circle to having telephone operators again. Yeah. Oh man. Grumpy. Wow. Secretary asked. We to think what progress held for us all those years ago. We blew it. We fucked it up. We really fucked it. Fucked it up. Uh, okay. Devon says, look at this racist ad.

Oh, sounds great. I wonder what racist, racist against. It's just the Hershey commercial again. Uh, find your perfect, whoops, find your perfect medical match this Valentine's Day with ZockDock. All right. You two like Tinder, but for a doctor, you think?

Probably. Probably. It's Valentine's, find your perfect man. Oh, not him. His first name is Derek. He's all the way up to him. So a black lady sitting on a couch and her first objection is the guy's name.

I don't know if that's, I don't know if you want to be leading on that foot. Let's guess what her name is. Is it should? Does it start with a cha? Bro, already, this is like, just swapped the, swap the way it's on. Very, it's like right up to the sun here. I don't like this doctor. His name is Amphrany.

Next. Uh, Amphr. And the next one is he's all the way up town? Oh no! Come on! All right, let's start over. Oh, not him. His first name is Derek.

He's all the way up town. Yeah, to be honest, I'm not too full out. Too educated. Too educated. Too young. Shot of a Chinese guy. Yeah, for that. Shot of an Asian guy, right? Subliminal.

To world. Too medium aged. Too good looking, too be good. White girl. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I hope this is like, subliminally racist, to get like, to target black people to get them to go to the doctor more.

I don't know if they do or do not, but it seems like a subliminally racist ad. What a bike. That would be the goal if I had to guess upon seeing 10 seconds of it. Right, yeah, that's what the marketing is. Yeah, that's what the marketing is. Right. Yeah. That's what the marketing is selling me.

Oh, great reviews. Available tomorrow? Uh. Uh, is that a black girl, right? Or at least black coded? Uh, I see. Thank you for doing that out loud. Dr. Hamilton is perfect for me.

Search. Wow. Amazing. Uh, Wow, amazing. Yeah, that'd be a funny ad to see. That's in reverse. Did he have that? Well, if that would make it effective ad. Yeah, that would be, you know, word of mouth very quickly. Get Scott Adams on that.

Here you go. If I just Scott Adams, she's scrolling through. Two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, It's pretty complex in later editions, but the basic ones are wood elves who are, all right. I don't want to read a bunch of elves. Shit, never mind. This guy really wrote the most fucking boring email in the world. God damn, who was that? Who sent that? I just don't get why there's black dwarves because why would they, they're not in the sun,

they're underground. So why did they evolve to being black? Doesn't make any sense. That's all I'm saying. Manny Musket says Nigeria needs cryptocurrency, not a scam. He says, hi, Dick or a son of you, don't you miss Johnny? The other day I called my dad from the hospital with big news and he decided it was the perfect time to update me on the geopolitical landscape of Nigeria. So we call Stadx, he's had a baby, Stadx says,

you know, that's something that reminds me of Nigeria. All right, Dad, just give me the podcast. Yeah. Give me the podcast to one. So I call your parents is. Yeah. Hey, it's time for the time for your parents, five minute podcast.

Let's hear it. Here's what I haven't researching this week. On Yahoo. Yeah. Oh, according to him, many Nigerians are currently facing a problem called not enough Naira. Pronounced the end is Naira. Yeah, I got it.

Naira is being, is the currency being used up there. I'm not a finance. So I get, make it a few technical terms wrong, moving forward, but the problem isn't not enough money in the bank, there is specifically a paper currency shortage because the Nigerian government suddenly decided to update all their money, emphasis on Nigerian government

and all the confidence that combination of words and spires. Citizens are forced to swap out all their old money for the new money and the 10 ni Rabil from 2022 can't be spent anywhere because it's no longer legal tender. Oh, wow. Nigeria has a mainly cash-based economy. Markets are filled with street vendors who don't accept debit cards. And now most of the cash and circulation might as well be Confederate dollars. Why the fuck would they do that? Imagine a government dumber than ours, making decisions like this. One day my grandma sent an errand boy out

to pick up their grocery money. He came home with last year's cash and they didn't eat that day. Fuck. The old Nira can still be deposited into banks and exchange for new Nira, but if you have a suspiciously large amount, then you have to go through a ton of KYC nonsense that may be forced to pay taxes on your stockpile cash tonight. Your government claims that they are making this update to cut down on corrupt spending

before a big election coming up. Wow, sorry for the long email. Thanks for reading. Go fuck yourself. PS, convince Carl, let me do seven to ten minutes opening for Vinnie and Vito at the live show. I'll give it a shot. Jesus, we got a big election coming up.

All your money is no longer valid. You gotta come to the bank, swap it out for the new money. Obviously, we don't have enough new money to go around. And if you bring in too much, you're a criminal. So let that. That's fucking wild. So you should've had it all in the bank. If you got a problem with that, and we steal from the banks all the time.

God damn. Yeah, they can't they have to skip straight to crypto. Yeah, they can't be having no niro they can't even keep the currency stable. That's fucked. That's fucked. Okay, maybe this is time is it, one 30? Tally says groom cop, I wanted to let you know the cop who fucked or whole police department is now claiming she was groomed. Let's see, I got this one from a couple people. That's commercial as fucked.

Hmm. That's commercial as fuck. Oh, I see my two favorite words on that list. Oh, buddy. Oh, I've been waiting for this one. Tennessee sex cop. Oh, what the fuck? What is the worth of that? Why Tennessee?

Hey, you're Tennessee sex cop. Hey, everybody. It's your old pal Tennessee sex cop. What a fucking title. Um. Uh, okay. Can we have two beers? Can we have two beers? Please we have two beers, please?

I'm ordering us some beers. Oh, yes. Ah, I'm so, we got to ramp it up for this next segment after. I need some beers for Vatwatch. I, oh, this week, it's music to my ears, every week. Tennessee sex cop, Megan Hall claims she was sexually groomed in a new lawsuit. Well, I mean, wasn't she. Oh, shit, I'm zoomed in. Okay. Tennessee cob claims she was sex groomed, sexually groomed in a new lawsuit.

The Tennessee Cobb fired over her numerous sexual romps with other officers. So she fucked six guys. Oh, thank you. This is all we have left, fuck. Oh, what do you want, Johnny? I'll take a, I got a Takati of Stone and a mystery Cali-dead beer.

I'll take this. I'll take the mystery beer. Can I live on that? Fortune favors the brave. Was that the crypto commercial that everyone, that got everyone bankrupted? No, that's from a, it's from a Japanese body company in the 90s. I think it's, I think it's from the crypto.

Everything is crypto. Actually, cheers. I'm so excited for this. the crypto everything is crypto actually cheers so excited for this Megan Hall who blamed a troubled marriage for her randia fairs claims she felt trapped and exploit and exploited in the midst of the all-male ranks of the laverne police, according to her 51 page. Well, I kinda don't care, because any time the cops get dinked with something,

it's like a good, is on pro. Yeah. Even if it doesn't mean anything. I'm like, I'm suing you guys for $10 million, because you called me fat. My core, I don't like that, but you guys have made me drive safely my whole life and I hate you for that. Yeah.

Yeah, it's just kind of like a, like I don't know where else it can go from here. Yeah. It's like a victimless crime. Like a, like, suing the government for, turning the person who's pouring you out. Like, that's, that's like, that's like, I'd be pissed if the government fucked me too. Yeah. I got fucked by six.

You know what? The government sent six big guys to fuck me. Fucking, I would sue them. The sue claims hall who had a history of mental illness. Well, okay, so how come everyone can't sue the fucking police? the suit claims hall who had a history of mental illness. Well, okay, so how come everyone can't sue the fucking police for putting a fucking mentally ill whore? Give it a gun and putting your in charge of our lives. She's mentally ill, but she has to,

that's the police officer like, wait, what? That's their defense. I'm showing you, cause those guys grew me. And the government goes, well, you're mentally ill. Wait a minute, I have a question. Why did you have a mentally ill person with a gun for the last fucking seven years? What the fuck? Uh, on the money, thanks for the business update. Hey, Hall was fired after word of the steamy sexcapades. I'm really tired of reading all this, these puns or whatever for sexy romps and shit. In the interview during the internal investigation,

the young cop admitted she was performing sex acts on duty and on police property. Who cares? And she had a threesome with one cop and his wife. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hall told the investigator she got stupid And she had a threesome with one cop and his wife. Whoa. Whoa. Oh.

Hall told the investigator she got stupid and got desperate in the midst of a divorce. She was 24 and she was first on the force. These are the guys that fucked her. Oh man, all these guys just did was fuck this bitch and they got their picture all over the internet. Everybody's laughing at them. That fuck. Oh.

Oh. Look at this. What is this phase? Because all these pictures that they took when they like are being, are proud of being cops is now like, well, you fuck that bitch. What do you think about that? Hmm. Yes, I did actually.

Fuck that bitch. Did you fuck that bitch? You guess an answer. What, like that. It's, did you fuck that bitch? You guess an answer? We're right over here with this iPad. Look at this. Is that an iPad? Oh, wow, even old pepper burns here. Wow, fuck.

Oh, he's probably saying some old school races, shit, while they're fucking right? We're not even know about. Yeah. We're from the 60s and 50s or 60s? For, yeah. Right? Dust off the book. Yeah.

He's taking out some issues on that. God damn. On that mentally ill police officer. I don't hold the partner in the mentally ill. Oh, what a fucks his picture. Give me the fucking dudes. Oh, is that her husband? Oh, man, come on. Yeah, I could tell.

Uh, okay. Toot. Well, I hope she wins. Yeah. Good for her. Fuck him. Wow, that's why we're here in the first place. All right.

Uh, okay. Here we go. That watch today and that news. I can't believe you're so rude about my mosaic. You can't, you can't believe that I was rude about something you did. Well, I put a lot of work into that though. I put a lot into work and a lot of things and people think it's fucking stupid. That's just how life goes, man. Nobody likes anything anybody does because we all, everyone always knows better except for the person fucking doing it. But Gustavo says

guy gets caught fat shaming on a plane. Hey, did I get some great fat watch content? Okay. Do you see the one I sent about the ball pit? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I think we watched that last year. I got another one from you. I get caught texting mean things about the girls saying next to him.

Oh, fuck, yes. All right. So, this money's not only. So guys on a plane, this guy's on the exit row. And then this is, I don't know, some hidden camera. And then somebody's coming up. Can you crank the volume on this so we can hear it? Hi, nice to meet you. I'm level 5.

I couldn't help it. Notice that before we took off, we were sending really horrible text messages about me to somebody I have photos. Yes, you were You said Something about what hope she would have me makes to conclude and use a oh she ate a Mexican with my flight doesn't take off the ground You know why Turned it up more. Yeah crank it. I want to play that again. Yeah, run that back.

I need to oceanate a Mexican. But with my flight doesn't take off the ground. You know why. You said they said something about what hope should we have me mix conclude and use a oceanate Mexican. But with my flight doesn't take off the ground. You know why. Stuff like that.

I saw the whole thing. I've learned that I saw the whole thing Oh you And like do you normally make Hey you fat bitch. You already apologized. Why don't you just fucking leave him alone? You fucking cow. The second they get off the plane.

This is called running laps around someone. I know you're not familiar with that terminology. Running lap. But the, uh, the thing is, is she thinks like, oh, I really got it. But the second he gets off that plane, he's going to be like, can you believe this fat bitch had the audacity to fucking yeah, like, oh, I got there's three minutes of this. All right, let's go. Right.

I didn't want part of your table. You may need to feel so uncomfortable to exist in this seat. I didn't want anything from you. I didn't want you to pick up my thing off the floor. You know, you know, in fairness, in fairness, you probably shouldn't be sitting in the seat. You know, in fairness, in fairness, you probably shouldn't be sitting in a place. You know what I'm saying? I'm asking you, are you really incapable to assist people in getting that? And what's the most stupid puns you think that you are? That's funny because I work out about five tons a week.

I'm here for a shoot. I'm a model. I have a very, very large... I'm here for a shoot. Somebody's shooting a buffalo. And it's me. Oh, in fairness, you shouldn't be sitting in the exit row because you're so fucking fat. I work out five times a week only for about 10 seconds.

And when she says I have a very large, I'm sure it's going to be social media influence, but why would you use those terms? I have a big fat social media presence. All right. The media following. I've been tweeting American Airlines this whole time. Let me know your seat number, our phone number, what's happened, what you said. A fat nut. A fat nut.

So they're going to take care of it for me. I don't think you'll ever see anything from it, and that's your own thing. So you know nothing about me. Fat freak out. You know, nothing about me. So to say something, to have a quip like that back to me after I'm talking to you about this after you already apologized is actually. Oh my God, look at her ring.

Look at her fucking wrist. Oh my God. The spit bitch puts her fucking wrist in front of the camera for a second. Oh God. Oh my God. It looked like the bracelet had fused into her her look at that. Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus When like someone leaves like a metal ring like a tree in the tree your Okay, I'm gonna try to pause it right on that

So to say something to have a quick I'll quit. Come on, come on. Come on. Talk to you about this after you already I'll talk to you. Oh, oh, oh, oh the size of a thigh on a normal, healthy woman. That's where the wrist is supposed to be, like if you were in like, you know, yeah, they're called the wrist accentuators that fat women have now. So you can tell the difference between their forearm and their hand.

They put these impossibly tight cinches around where their wrist should be. It's all the rage for these fucking pigs. All right, let's keep going. Oh my lordy lordy lord. The size of his fucking thigh. Is an extra asshole to breathe a day? No, I don't think it is. You don't think it is.

Because you think that are you a doctor? Let me ask you something. Can you assume something about me? Are you a medical professional? Which is love to know like where your expertise is coming from? Listen, I'm not a business. Listen, I'm not going to do this. Listen, I'm not going to do this.

I'm not going to do this. I don't know what I can or can do with it. Right? And I don't know if you noticed, but the entire time I've been sitting here like this to make sure that I didn't dare get in your seat. You've got an arm rest over there. Oh God, this whole time I've been hiding my fat in.

I don't accidentally, that's not like a, you're not supposed to have to do that. I've been hiding my fat in. I don't accidentally, that's not like a, you're not supposed to have to do that. I've been squeezing my fat in. So you know, I don't accidentally get on your seat, sir. I don't know if you know that. I've been trying to spill into your seat. This whole time I've been very aware of not spilling over onto your seat.

So you wouldn't make fun of me with your girlfriend. It's not dare you. Trying to wrangle in like a timber lingeck. You're just like, can like, oh God, had a single arm rest the whole time. Did you both check out the arm rest? I haven't had a I haven't had a single arm rest the whole time. I'm like you're both over my office I'm a model. Well, yeah, bitch because if you put your elbow on like 40 pounds of fat is gonna spill over. Oh my God. But you also wanted to know if we could take up the armrest. Right, because before they did with. Okay.

Oh. What did he just say she asked to take up the armrest so she could be more comfortable? Uh, oh my God, this fucking hero, and he doesn't even know he's on camera. She's secretly recording this to fuck him over. Oh my God, what a fucking, that goes to show you, man. You can never give even a moment, even a moment of, of, of, uh, uh,

Don't let up. Don't ever let up. If you let up, they're recording you at all times and then you're going to say sorry you know sorry won't happen again I actually I didn't mean to make you feel bad boom right on the internet you don't know you don't know when it could happen you have to hit them so hard that when they post it they realize that everyone's going to be on that guy's side fucked up yeah you always have to hit Well, if you asked them to move the thing up then fucking why were you arguing with armor? Uh, okay, let me do that.

Turn up the armrests. But you also wanted to know if we could pick up the armrests if they did move. Because before, right, right, right, right, I did, I did, I did. So that was attempting to me. And if you said no, then that would have been fine. It was a question, it wasn't, hey, move that. Hey, pick that up.

It was, hey, can we pick these up and they happen have been fine. It was a question. It wasn't, hey, move that. Hey, pick that up. It was, hey, can we pick these up and they happen to not? And that was your choice. And if they did pick up and you said, no, then that's your decision. I paid extra to sit in the seat because I knew I needed legroom. I have researching first class flight and this class flights

for two weeks. This flight wasn't bought. I knew that by the company that's flying me out here to do this shoot. So I didn't have a choice. She's the she's the before picture. And the company is a suicide company. Oh, it's your wife. Here's the before picture after I had a choice to get this bigger seats, but I didn't and can be it's anybody else. I know I am big, but I didn't even think it's anybody else.

I know I am big, but I have not been in your way. You have not left a neck mark on the side window. Yeah, that was really funny, huh? A sofa. It's laughing. Look at these sofa flocks. You see him dip over. He looks like that poly guy from the sopranos that's in all the Holocaust memes. Oh, yeah, I got hey tone

All right You like that one? Somebody like that again, you don't know anything about me. Oh, you're like that Thanks Thanks. She's struggling to get out of the sea. No, that's a plane bouncing around like that because she's trying to get up. Now the plane is in a spin because she's got it. Oh Oh wow

Insanity what a hero that guy fucking smoked it when he laughed at his own fucking joke. Oh, man I didn't put a dent in the seat. Oh you think that's funny? Yeah, that's funny. It's fucking hysterical, putting a dent in this. This is openly texting as fucking dumb boomer wife. She ate him, Mexican. Yeah, it was plain as it take off. You off you know how many fucking gems was he sitting there? He was sitting there raining down the stumps And she just fucking had nothing to do other than like sit there in boil about it. Why is she fucking watching him text?

Cuz she probably looked over being nosy. Yeah, and then some to each, but I like, one of his got a kind of snacks and his pocket is something over there and fucked around and found out. They fucking not everyone is okay with that shit. I saw that you said. I ate it. All right. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that.

I've been nice to you. Yeah, I was drinking and I've been nice to you. And she keeps throwing it like you said this too. And it's like, it gets funnier. Like, well, you don't think you should be sitting in the exit road though to be fair. Yeah, you can't help anyone. She had to do the thing where she like,

got on like a knee and turn around and like spun around to stand up. It's like, God, that's what it takes for you to stand up out of the chair and then like you definitely shouldn't be in the exit. This is hilarious. She mentioned, she mentions how she works out four times a week. Actually, she said five.

I was surprised she didn't mention how good her blood tests are. Fat people. Have you ever tried a bus of fat birds? And I'm like, yeah, my blood tests are great. Yeah, guess what? As a skinny person, I've never went and had to worry about getting blood tests on like why shits? Like, you know, I'm having all these back and kidney problems

and sleep after you know, and I need to get blood tests. I'm like, no, or, I've, yeah. I had a blood test because I'm old. Well, that's different. The doctor was, she was, she's all up my ass about everything, right?

Cause I'm honest, honest, she's like, okay, well, how much drinking do you have? A lot. Yeah. Easily 20 drinks a week. Just like, oh, being honest with your doctor is like a good and bad thing. She's like, what about drugs?

All of them. All of them. Yeah. All of them. Yep. So I got my blood test in like three months ago. I went back in last week or the week before to get them. She's like, well, your blood works all good, even your liver.

I was like, I fucking bitch. I know you're fucking disappointed. Right. If you're fucking ass on that one, bitch. Here's one that Johnny. I saw this and sent it to you so fucking fast. I cannot. Oh man. It makes me I watched it about a thousand times. Okay. So here is a, uh, here is a, I'm a fat woman who has a leg shaped like big ice cream cones wearing, wearing pants. This had to be made as a joke. Why would they make this pattern of this size? Okay, let me get the volume on here. She's standing at the top of the stairs of that kind of iron that's steel stair. Stairmen, that have, yeah, that are like, they have that pattern on them to reduce slipping, which seems, I don't know, industrial, she's not an industrial staircase.

She's a, yeah. Oh, wait, let me turn it, turn it, let me turn it down. Oh, yeah. Thanks. Oh, I see. She's shouting at several, there are some fat, they both look black at the bottom of the stairs and there appear to be one or two also fat black women on the stairs and they're all shouting. Let's see what happens. Let's see what could happen in this clip. Oh my God, dammit.

So, for seemingly no reason, the fat woman, the fat black woman at the top of the stairs begins careening down the stairs as though she's trying to win a race on a game show. She's a hamburger at the back of the stair. In mind, the stairs are full of other fat black women. All right, let's see what happens. Oh, she's caused some kind of a bad influence. If you weigh so much, it can be considered property damage. Like that is, oh my God. Well, I put that shuffle step. She made it down about six stairs before falling forward into

one of the other fat ladies that was screaming and carrying on. I think we need to reinforce. Maybe the stairs need to be a little wider. What? At least they're industrial based, but oh my God. Let's see that again. I can't believe it. We got it, Joe. She's like this, I'll get them. What?

What? What? What? What? What? I would also like to point out this video is being recorded for some reason for you uh... at around the knee level and now what happens is someone comes out who was also recording it

watch this up see oh that's a beer never mind okay well oh man. That between that one, the door to striker and the fucking the ball pit. The ball fits one of my favorites. I love that one. Okay, here's one from who sent this one in.

This is from Harmory. All right, let's see what looks like a skinny girl for some reason who's eating a bunch of Skittles, skinny woman eating rainbows, sprinkles, a dipper and a spoon. Probably the only thing she's eating all day. No. on probably the only thing she's eating all day. But these sprinkles are the best. Don't believe in fat phobia.

Just imagine what the comment section would look like on that video. Fat person was fat. Now that I'm thinking of it, now that she put it in my brain, that would actually be there. Yeah, it would be great. Please do it. Can I feed that into chat GBT? Like, if I could just have like send me the comment section of a fat person eating sprinkles

straight from our please jet feet. I would just be like citizen Kane like at the like endless AI generations of fat people eating and falling over, falling off of boats and falling downstairs. But it's straight into my blood, not real people, just fat people falling through rails. Oh, man, that's it, man. That's it. That would be it for me. It's just so goddamn funny.

It's like, it's the simple, I think that and like, it's just such a simple form of humor. It's funny every time, it's like. You think fat phobia doesn't exist? No, we all, I mean, if you think making fun of fat people is fat phobia, then it definitely exists. It's universally funny to see someone fat eating shit down something. It just is. You can show it to fucking people who have never been contacted by outside. That tribe that's like, we'll kill you.

Yeah. Get closer. They're gonna see this jumbo tron. Look at his family. He falling through the, they would laugh their asses off. Come on in. Come on in. It's just like you could show it to anybody and then fucking laugh. It's just

It's a good travel show if I just went around to like native like tribes You go to show them an iPad of a fat ladies falling stuff dropping all their stuff You go to Everest and you're like they're like hey, so do you ready to go up the mountain? You're like no, no, no, I just came here to show you videos of fat people falling down Check this out. What do you want your reaction? Which is your favorite one? Oh, definitely that one definitely that one Why well in our culture? We can't fathom a thing like door dash, but Jesus Christ watching that lady fucking break the whole fucking railing off the stairs Okay, let's see if I've got any other. Fat watch. Here's a game show where a bunch of blindfolded fat people.

No, I want to read. Let me see if I got one I could read. Oh my god, that would fuck. I don't know if we'll top that. Zipline attack one. Ooh. Yeah, I see it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. that zip line attack one. Oh.

Yeah, I saw that in right away. I was like, oh, there's the phone pit one. Oh, the phone pit was just, hmm, I don't think I had one from last week either. Maybe the week before. Let me see that in hot, the same ones. Is there any in? I want to give one more good one. Oh, this was the model that flipped out on the plane.

Oh, what? Oh, wow. Oh, get along, little doggies. Are those industrials there? That, see that thing around her neck, that medallion, it's actually an entire hubcap. She stole it from a gas station, they sent it to the bathroom and she farted in the gas station blew up and she retained the hubcap that they use for the key of the bathroom.

Look at how many ripples you're on those knees, man. Wow, fat guy in a little coat. Look at that little cut she's got on. What's she peering in? She's on another stairs. I don't think the stairs are going to. There's a Randy's doughnuts in the back. She's the big doughnut. It wasn't that guy that kid left a donut on his plate over there.

Six miles that way. He's looking like, she's like Professor X, Professor X XL. Scott Cyclops. I see the child is left a donut on their plate. Can you pick it up in the X-jet? But it's 50 miles away. That's enough of use. That's enough out of use, Scott. Can you put the armrests up?

So that dumb boomer was messaging his wife that this bitch ate a Mexican and was going to keep the plane from taking off. That's funny. That's funny. See, if it wasn't funny, she wouldn't have had been so offended, but because it's so goddamn funny, it's like, well, he can't, there's no way he can laugh at this. Because again, the second he gets home, he's gonna be like, can you believe this fucking bitch or cost me like, what the fuck is that? And they're just gonna shit on her for the end of time.

I mean, he's probably not even a mean guy. Like he's obviously not, because he's like, that's not real. That's what I mean. Like if someone tried to do that, should to me, I'd be like, you know what, now I really like, now you're on my radar.

Like now I fucking hate you. Yeah, I am surprised we took off, actually. Yeah. Next time by a whole row. Hey, be careful. I don't think they have marshmallow fluff on the bedbridge cart today. Like fucking, I would've lost it.

Uh, wow, thanks for, thanks for posting that whoever did. Let's see if I've got one more. Oh, that's fucking good. That watch. That watch is just great. Oh, okay. Oh, well, what a great, what a great Kickstarter. Johnny's, you know, the name of your Kickstarter is important. Like you want people to know right away. It's got to be snappy and snazzy and something the cool hip that you want to get behind. This Kickstarter is called towel. I feel okay.

So on behalf of Sean, I feel like you would say something along the lines of, isn't that just a duvet cover? Towel size inclusive towels. Okay. If you can stuff your fucking comforter into it, it's not a towel. Bodies are not one size fits all. And we don't think towels should be either. Bitch towels were at one point. One size fits all. And we don't think towels should be either. Bitch towels were at one point, one size fits all. How wet are you fucking getting like how much water do you need to dry

off? You don't smell like you get it. Bodies are not one size fits all. And we don't think towels should be either. Grab a second. super size fat watch today. Oh my God. Look at these are fat ladies. Four people standing in it. There's four fat ladies and it looks like they're all sharing one towel. Isn't that going to like destroy your washing machine? And next, size inclusive washing machines. Our size inclusive towels were such a success, but

they were breaking people's washing machines. Yeah, that's like too low. It's so much. I had my washing machine, it's been working five for years. If I, it's these fat, phobic washing machines, you need a, um, a fucking linen, like an industrial linen washer for that. You still think fat phobia isn't real? Bitch, no one thinks fat phobia is not real. Everyone fucking hates fat people.

Fucking hates them. Did you guys are always, first of all, you fucking stink. You are always, you always stink. You're always bringing like fucking cupcakes and shit around regular people who have to resist that shit. It's filling over every seat you do and you're always fucking obnoxious.

Like you are all obnoxious all the time because you're pissed because everyone fucking hates you all the time. You're like fucking Ebenezer's Crayo which by just six times a size. What? Well, the whole dinner was for himself. It's like it's your problem. My elbows are spilling into your lap. Can't believe the size of that bitch.

This is the girl that wanted the fucking um, the arm rest up. Hey, can you move the arm rest up? Fuck no. I don't want to feel like I'm being swallowed for this whole flight. I don't want to feel like I have a, a, a, a hairless pig all over me. He was getting claustrophobic knowing that at any moment, if she fell asleep and like leaned over on his side, he would be crushed.

He should have said, I'm gonna use, I was gonna use you like a, like an inflatable water slide. If the plane crashed from here, we're going, I was gonna stretch your chin out and use it like a parachute. All right. To then a,

a size inclusive towel. Okay, let's see the kickstarter. Maybe it's something that you and I wanna have. It's just a moving blanket. Fuck it. Fuck it. Size inclusive towels. Okay, let's see the Kickstarter. Maybe it's something that you and I want to move in blanket. Fucking size inclusive towel. We we stitched five towels together. Unfucking believable. 143 backers. Okay. 143 back rolls. More than that. Nine out of 10 women, great start to your video, just a bunch of words, nine out of 10 women living in larger bodies.

Like an exo suit, exo squad, like in like a Gundam suit. GT exo exo squad, everyone's fat as shit, Marseille. Yeah, Gigi, I'm over here. Over there. My exo Yeah, Gigi. I'm over here. I'm over there. I got a few, one clover. All right, exo squad. We're gonna get on this. Mark cells, back at exo squad won't close. Not my chateen. Yeah, like what the living in larger? Is it making you so safe? And that's what they were called, fattos. They're all fat, though. The bad guys and the new exosquad are new.

Oh my god, look at all these fat pigs. Oh my god. You can't call them that. Can't even out of the hip hop podcast. You can't. You can't fat show. I knew that if the one if there was one hot topic, hot to cover fat shame in hip hop podcasts where snitching occurs, but you know, how dare you bring a fat woman. You're a bad guy. I hope my last words on this earth are about a fat woman. No, not the crowd. This the strippers.

But that's it. Yeah. That is often as I'd like to. Oh, why will they got Buffett, that's it. Yeah. You're in the club, Bill. Not as often as I'd like to. Oh, why? Well, they got big.

That's like a tip to hat, like squirrel the cane. I'm like, oh, look at that one. Like the crowd's got big. No, the strippers. I love that. Hello, my baby. Hello, my darling. Hello, my baby.

Bob, Bill, God. Living in the club. All right, nine out of 10 women living in larger bodies have experienced size discrimination in their lifetime. What? If one has not, who's the one who has it? The fuck has not experienced. Cause that's like size discrimination is like chairs are too small and

Ship like a bench breaks Size discrimination is when you debt the seat How has one out of ten women not fat women not experience size discrimination? That's impossible. It's just like really cool. Where is she? Yeah, you know bitch. You're fat Look, oh, thanks.. Eat some of these nuggets. Aaaaaah! I got a slingshot. I got a slingshot.

Wop! Dennis the men is f**k. David and I are f**king chicken nuggets. Alright. Ooh, some nice eating music to this. Yeah. Yeah. The average American woman is a size 16, 18.

And the average bath towel fits a size six or eight. I didn't know bath towels had a size. I sure as fuck didn't. Johnny, this is the last time in our lives where bath towels will not have a size in the future. You have to go into the store and they'll say, what size bath towel you will immediately walk back out in the exact reverse. Are you looking for a normal or a petite bath towels? How, which one?

What's, what's normal? Well, this is, let me see a petite probably okay, and then you're Joining me another petite bath towel for this fat pig Be like well this break my washing machine. Oh, yeah Do I have to send this to a third party service for them to fucking clean this? Yeah, see world is rebranding after there They're using all the tops. Yeah, They're getting rid of all the sh- All the whales and they're using the whale tanks to wash fat ladies' bath towels.

Oh my God. A fucking, like, it's a car cover at that point. Oh my God. We've teamed up with Jeep to bring you, all right. Now here's big towel, literally and literally. If towels represent warmth and care, we have a problem. I'm Mary, the founder of Towel.

I know all bodies are good bodies. Bitch, you gotta mix your fucking music. Yeah. What the fuck? Put the EQ down. What the fuck? Turn the fucking music down. Yeah.

At least. I'm gonna have to master it. Yeah. Oh my God. Probably fat-fangered it. Mastered it up. Oh, you can't put down AirPods. I know bodies are their better towels.

Get the fucking thing out of there. Get this stupid player out. We've got you covered. All of you, all right. How can I still see skin if they got all of her covered? Towels designed, oh, how was designed to fit your body? You see when she went out for the wrap around?

That was just like, I feel like I'm being tortured. What did you sign me up for today? That towel that she's got around her head is a normal sized towel. Says it in the comments. I've seen this before. Oh shit. No, that's not true It's not just about how everyone should start their day feeling worthy of self-care. No way. How are you supposed to get anything done if you don't hate yourself? She's writing towel on the mirror Come join us I'd fat towels She's writing towel on the mirror.

Come join us. I'd fat towels. All right. Digging the royalty-free music path. That's pretty generic. Mary Karnie. We are towel. Touls designed for your body body sizing up to seven eggs.

What the fuck? I am Mary the founder of towel, but it's all capitalized. So is it an acronym? Like the other way, uh, the other, uh, oh, shit. The other whale exclaimed loudly. Yeah, that's probably it. Speaking of towels, I don't have any over here. I've had many careers within the fashion industry.

Many career, so that makes you wonder, like people who get like fired a lot or change jobs a lot, it's like, you're not really good at this. I've had many careers. Many careers. Within the fashion industry, one thing stays true. I always find my way back to my love of fit. Okay. Today as a technical She falls her breadcrumb journal there.

Because I leak crumbs everywhere I go. So I always find my way back to fit. Today as a technical designer and celebrity, Taylor. Wow. I see first hand the lack of size inclusion all around me. I'm constantly confronted with the fact that clothing is far less available for my body and other plus size people. Not only is clothing not accessible, but it has impacted the way I feel about my body. If you're a human, you can probably relate. No, I can't fucking relate to not having a correct size towel. Yeah, what the fuck?

I'm so... This is the last time we will see single size towel. Yeah, we'll be the minority soon. We'll go shopping at Target and we'll have to buy a fucking tarp like a 10 by 20 towel. Yeah, we'll be the minority soon. We'll go shopping at Target and we'll have to buy a fucking tarp, like a 10 by 20 towel. Do I have to cut this in half and fucking stitch up the side? Oh, that costs extra, sir. We have towels for people like you.

Our grandparents and parents are like, oh yeah, I remember smoking on airplanes, we're like, I remember when towels were one size, like, no, my bulls. Shit, like that's, towels have always been waltz with like, Like, no, my bullshit. Like, that's how it's always been, what was it like? Oh, really? I do. It's just like that's our modern day, quick.

It was early fall, 2022, when I got out of the shower and thought enough is enough. Enough is enough. I had dried half my ass and the towel is a stopping mess. And I decided, enough is enough. So I stopped showering like most fat people. That's true. Well, you can't wash, like you cannot wash all those cracks and crevices, you fucking can't.

Watching my 600 pound life and seeing people like showering is the most like I could die like if I slip and like and you see all the story and I'm sitting there fucking just dying laughing. Yeah. Like man if I went out in the shower like that I probably will now but but if I went out in the shower like that and they found like my shower on and just like me my fat fucking ass unconscious just like oh my god. A fat person showering is like me washing my car, right?

You do the hood and then I don't want to bend over. I do the, yeah, I'm like, wow, I'm, I don't know, kind of everything else. It's a lot of effort. Yeah, and it's still too much effort. It was early in the fall. I thought enough is enough. Not only do I not have access to clothing,

I don't even have access to bath towels. Okay, to think that towels, which most of us use daily, bitch, what? See, they give themselves away. Most of us use daily, don't fit 75% of the American population. I think that's ridiculous. I mean, yeah, we think it is, we think it's really ridiculous too. Fuck. I decided I was going to change this. I know I deserve not only a towel that fits my body, but so much more. I now find myself spending more time

getting ready in my all caps. How there was no funnier name than just an All Caps towel well. That's a Faber in for it. Yeah. Oh, that's actually the right size for my body. Oh, they got names for the towel fit. Our fit allows for plenty of coverage when getting wrapped. The Ava suggested fit of 3X. It's 40 by 80 inches.

Okay. So if you think about it, these towels should be cheaper because they're only, I guess it's roughly the same amount of material if you like, took, they cut four towels out of the same thing. Johnny, they've got a fucking size chart. Look at a normal towel. Is this little tiny rectangle up here?

And then they've got the Ava, which is 80 inches long, but also wider for some reason. Why would it be, why would it be you? It should just be longer to wrap around your fat ass. It doesn't need to be, like you're not a giant. I guess you are. Cause you just gotta go in three dimensions.

You gotta get it up over your skull. Like a globe, the Joni suggested fit up to five X is 42 by 90 inches. It's like a fucking pool cover. Like what the fuck? If you drop this towel in a pool, you need a crane to get it out. Yeah, it's the amount of water it will hold.

That's the way it's 500 pounds. The Gemma suggested fit up to 7x, 45 by 95 inches. So going back to the washing machine thing, it does your washing machine put on enough water per, like wash to actually get the entirety of that wet. Let's do some, let's do some math. Hold on, let's do some math. That's nuts. I would assume that math, fat math. So how heavy, how much water can a normal towel absorb? Two to three pounds of water.

Okay, so this is gonna be, how much bigger is this, this gemma? Probably twice, so it's gonna be like a seven pound. Yeah. It's gonna be like a six pound towel. God damn. 45 inches or 95 inches inches how much is that? Eight feet long

Eight eight one of these one that's a packing blanket. That's a fucking packing blanket. Eight feet by three and a three and three quarters feet. Wow. Cool. Did you towel? Uh, uh, the fucking real. I thought I knew a lot about textiles

until I started learning about the towels of towering. No, okay, I don't care about any of this. It's just trying to convince you, like, so you look at, but it's like, it's got this in it. It's like, just say, you made me, you made a fucking towel for fat people. Like, I think people would feel more respected

if they weren't being marketed down to, like, like, oh, well, I'm wearing this like fancy athletic wear and it's sweat wicking and all this. It's like, hey man, look, I just made a bigger towel for your fat, I was like, like, oh, well, I'm wearing this like fancy athletic wear and it's sweat wicking and all this. It's like, hey, man, look, I just made a bigger towel for your fat. I was like, okay, well, like fucking like say you made a towel for fat people. Yeah. To like disguised it with all like, oh, look at all this marketing. Like, that's really, it's like, everyone knows what a fucking towel is. Like, oh, it's a bigger towel. Cool. Easy. Like, so again, it's the fucking black and white pizza thing all over. Just

keep it simple. Look at as a functional loop for hanging up. That's gonna pull the loop. That's gonna pull the hooks off the wall. You got seven pounds of towel hanging off that fucking circle. Pro-war is you get a magnet, a print, one towel, two towel. I'm gonna support this Kickstarter. Remind yourself that all bodies are beautiful, deserving and worthy. No. Yeah, absolutely not.

Absolutely no. Thank you. Oh, she's not even that fat. All right, well, let's show everybody. Thanks. Man. You want to plug anything? No, fucking, just if either of us ever start really fucking gaining ways, just fucking out

of killer, gotta just mutually shoot each other in the face. This is like, if my elbows ever spill into another plain seat, I think that's a damn. Did I miss anything? Let me see the live chat here. Live stream chat. Nope. Live streamed chat. Nope, nothing. All right, all right, all right. Okay, goodbye, everybody. Pacerin.com slash the Dixiaos, you next Tuesday.

Go to live.dick.show to buy tickets for the WATP crossover event. We'll see you in Philly. Presenting. across over a man. We'll see you in Philly. You never knew you needed something so badly until you saw that all caps towel. Yeah, fucking finally. I wanted a car. Fucking. Here's a chamois for a big caterpillar piece of construction equipment.

It was made for fat women, but it revolutionized the car washing industry and clean John Deere tractors with ease. Like, don't you think if there was nothing wrong with having giant towels that they would? They should have like shammies, right? Fat women? Fucking each fat towel comes with one of those grabber things that you used to pick up trash with,

so you can actually... But an industrial size one. I was sick of dealing with grabbers that can't pick up the weight of my towels. Grabbers that kept crushing themselves in my meaty paws. All right, we're done. Let's go.

All right, no more voicemails. Goodbye. Look at that here, voicemails. Good bye! Get out of your voicemails.