The Dick Show - Episode 38 – Dick on Harmful Opinions

Episode Date: February 21, 2017

Download the MP3 Boner mysteries, iPhone Hawks, Bad Psychologists, Harmful Opinions, Cards Against Humanity, making your mom sleep in the car, anime, degeneracy, a new erotic stories bumper, Star Trek shrines, the evolution of the human mind, in defense of Madcucks, in defense of Dustin, in defense of America, The Consuelo Podcast, to Menards or … Continue reading "Episode 38 – Dick on Harmful Opinions" The post Episode 38 – Dick on Harmful Opinions appeared first on The Dick Show.

Yeah Presenting Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Ready?

Yeah Yeah Yeah Welcome to dick! You need dick, you want dick, you love dick, I'm your host dick, Massachusetts. With me is always a Sean, the audio engineer. Hello dick.

Hey, what's up buddy, coming to you live? From a mountain top bunker, do you like my, yeah, my shifter, yeah? Yeah, I can't figure it out if that's a two stroke or a four stroke. Yeah, you know what's funny about that? I taught my nephew, my little nephew, the Irishman who loves, he loves cars. Yeah. Love cars, man. That guy would watch, that guy would watch the first 10 minutes, to first 30 minutes of the cars movie, like every, like

three times a day. Yeah. Love cars. Everything was cars. So I taught him to when you're running around the kitchen, to when you take corners to go, yeah, yeah, I'm done to make that sound, but he didn't, he didn't understand how shifting works. So it was always the same, yeah, yeah, yeah, like there was no dry, no longer gears, no longer gears. It was always the same, he was redlining at every gear. Yeah. Yeah. Then I left. I taught him how to go, nah, nah, nah, nah.

And I said, well, peace out. I'm out everybody. You deal with that. Yep. Kids picked up the violin recently. Oh, man. Four years old. Love loves the violin.

I guess you put a stand for any other instrument. Did you put it in his hands? Of course. Yeah, I showed him my fight. He was over. He was talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin.

You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin.

You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. You're talking about the violin. Violin in his hand, an instrument that in order to learn and not kill other people, you have to get them their own house.

Sounds like, yeah, sounds like a cat fight there now. Oh, it's, it's practicing. They got him sitting there. You're supposed to be doing the notes, like open string AD. Uh, uh, uh, and you count it off. But every time he gets it in his hands, he just goes, like he's Charlie Daniels, like he's Charlie Daniels on mute, but he's like, you know, a foot and a half tall and he's just rocking out.

Not, he doesn't care at all. And I'm like, let him go for it. Like you think how many kids learn how to play the violin and how many of that, like, you know, how many, there's an army of them. There's an Argengas Khan has an army of child prodigies out there, soying into a violin using the Suzuki method like by the tens of thousands and 99% of them.

That's what I'm listening to. Yeah, 99% of them hate it. Because their parents make them do it. And it's like, it's driving them crazy. And music is supposed to be fun. Driving them around, I'm like, just let him do the, you know, he sounds like a, he sounds like a chainsaw made out of cats.

The way he's soying through this violin, I'm like, let him do it. So what? Like he'll get, he wants that. He'll have to live here. Yeah. He'll get bored of that. And then maybe he'll do the, you know,

the counting and start playing the notes, but just fucking go with it. Man, man, man, man. So I get on the piano. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. I'm playing the piano like a drum's like animal. Like we're fucking making music over here. What are you guys doing?

Go back to your Netflix. We're making like we're fucking making music over here. What are you guys doing? Go back to your Netflix. We're doing real shit over here. We're working it out. We're having like a therapy, like a primal scream therapy, where both of our inner four year olds are just hammering this music. He happens to be also an outer four year old.

Doing the music, but I've got it inside and we're just tearing through it. Leave us, this is what we're doing. Fuck the sheet music, get it outta here. I don't care how much you paid for these lessons. Just let us hammer through it. Let us work it out, let us work it out. We'll get bored, we'll get bored eventually.

We'll play your little songs. We'll play your Mozart songs, like you even know why he's any good. You fucking don't, you poser. Name me 10 composers. Go, name me 10. Well, I gotta go watch some TV. So, I worry about that with us today in the studio.

Unbelievable. Excuse me for one moment. Let me take a minute. Unbelievable coincidence. We have my very old friend, one of my oldest friends in the studio today, the two one express. Welcome to the show, the two one express. He's not gonna be on the microphone

because he's a real guy and he doesn't want his personal and professional reputation affected by the show. Very, I was a real guy one time. You're not a real guy and he doesn't want his personal and professional reputation affected by the show. Very. I was a real guy one time. You're not a real guy anymore, Sean. I don't think so. You're a cartoon character now.

I know. I know. You're a cartoon character. There's art. The art of you has taken on a bigger, you could never live up to the fake version of you that's online. Why even try? Why even try?

But this, my friend, the two on Express, I've known since high school, the beautiful, the Halsian days of our lives of high school. We were like burdened early, except we were both earning. It was two earnings going around the school. No sex happening. No sex. No,. When it was just two earnings going around, having fun, annoying people, this is how far, this is how far the two one expressed and I go back. And he's named the two one expressed because he was like a train on the football field in high school. Where aren't you? Now you know how far.

You're giving me a definitive head shake, but I want an affirmative nod from you that you were like a train out there. What did you say he played? Sean and football. Oh, did you say the two one express play? Well, no, you were on defense, right? You weren't like a talking to a mute over here. We've got a girl on this, we would stand who was more defensive than we're trying to

get her to identify where she was touched. You're an outside linebacker. Outside linebacker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no bullshit. One time I saw you playing a game in high school and you hit, you hit a guy so hard that he exploded. Yeah. He shit and came at the same time. Everything exploded from his body like a tube of toothpaste squeezed by a gorilla. He, the gorilla doesn't

even know what the toothpaste is for. He just goes in for this squeeze. Also, true story in high school. You know, the worst thing about having old friends from high school is you talk, you talk endlessly about high school and everybody wants to kill themselves. We hung out for lunch yesterday. And I'm, the two one expresses wife is lovely, beautiful wife is sitting there. He's got three kids. This man was, this man was, this man was, this man was a bigger player than James Bond in high school. He had his black book looked, it looked like a, like a Jenga. It was, it was so thick. It was like 10 volume. You want to stand in the car? Yeah. It was the encyclopedia dick tanica. This man's, this man's, this man's sexual conquest. Now he's a stallion that's been tamed. Beautiful wife, beautiful kids, but we're sitting there thinking about that line last night.

No, motherfucker. I don't plan these lines. I'll fuck you. You don't plan the shows. Yeah. All right. That's, y'all hang on. Hang on. We're at people are spending harder and money. They are. I plan. I spend easily minutes. Sean, I spend at least the entire week. I spend every waking moment thinking about this show and what makes me a rage. Well, that's probably true. That is true. So we're sitting at lunch the other day

and there is this, and the two one expresses, wife is sitting there next to us at King Taco and there is this palpable energy, attention, I'm like, man, I really wanna talk about high school but I don't wanna be that guy that talks about high school all the time because it's the most annoying person in the world. And this woman is sitting here and I don't want to torture her with this.

So, just gonna sit here. So like, hey man, so what's going on? You remember, do you remember the time that it just suddenly blirts out? I thought you remember that? Cause it's fun, cause you did stupid shit. Cause it's like our version of Norman Rockwell. You know what?

You know what? Actually, I just realized this. I think that our time, 30 something guys, and 30 something anybody, I think that that was the last time humans brains were the same as everybody else is before like our parents brains. Because like the human mind, I think is a very malleable computer that just evolves based on the kind of input it's getting. Well, that's true. That's true. That's absolutely true. And you're a doc. You're a some kind of also a guy

with the help of a person. You know that it's absolutely true. I also have an opinion. But before, but it is, it gets harder to change as it gets older, but even like the, the brain, especially men's brains aren't really fully formed, they think until about 25. So I'm thinking that after us, the internet started and all the sudden your community was not the people that you see every day. But it became like a like an amorphous monster there to mock and make fun and reward you. Like all the sudden your relationships with one-on-one with people, my relationship with you is a teenager, my relationship with the two-on-ex express. It turned into going from you to person to person where you had these types of interactions

to you versus the entire fucking world. Yeah. And I think it fundamentally changed everyone's brains in such a way that it's harder for us to relate to the 10 years after us, to the generation that's 10 years younger than us, than it is for us to relate to the 10 years after us, to the generation that's 10 years younger than us, then it is for us to relate to the generation that was like a 50, 60, 70 years older than us.

You know what I mean? No, I do, that could be true. They'll tell me a story and I'm like, who the fuck, what the fuck are you talking about? You were snapping and then, it's because nobody was raised by the internet and then suddenly everybody was raised by the internet. Yeah, so when we talk about it's a universe shattered.

It's a universe gone when we talk about it. I want to talk about one thing with the two one expressed. I was going to ask him, just for fun, I was going to ask him what makes him a rage yesterday. But the two one expressed soft for me. Here's another true story. Okay. In high school, I was ejected from the morning announcements for making too many sexual innuendos. You know, the morning announcements, when you're on some assholes

like reading the morning announcements, okay, the volleyball team is having a bake sale. Go check them out. Go buy their brownies. You were at the new school in town. So you guys actually had video, right? Well, yeah, either way, too many sexual innuendos. That should be funny. I think you know, spice up the announcements a little bit, right? Let's throw some jokes in there. You were kind of a prop comic though, aren't you?

Well, little bit. Too many sexual innuendos is one. Okay. That's one, too many say. So I got booted. I got booted from the announcements for saying, let me whip out my tool and then very like over the top, reaching behind the desk, like a news desk type of stuff. Gripping, gripping, very obviously the handle of something

which I intended to look like my penis. And I was very successful when I was sitting in the Dean's office reviewing the tape. I looked at the joke that I had done on the TV announcements that went out to like 3000 people in the school as he's sitting there going, you know, scrubbing, playing it, going back. Like, do you think what you did here was appropriate? I'm like, well, no, that's not going to look like I'm checking off. He's scrubbing. He's scrubbing. It's a very, yeah, this is a successful. I knew this gonna look like I'm checking off. He's scrubbing all I can for it. It's a very, yeah, this is successful.

This, I knew this was wrong and I did it anyway. Yeah. It's hilarious. Like that's a, that's a success when he goes, well, you know, you're, we might suspend you, but you're definitely kicked off the air. Yeah. You're no longer allowed on the, on the announcements.

Off the record, did he think it was funny? Um, he did say that if we were going for ratings, this would be great. And I said awesome. That goes, we're not going to sit down. We're not going for ratings. Yeah. But what if you were?

But you have to say that. Yeah, you have to say that. You have to say that. Just be a rent. So I got put it off. Just thanks. I got booted off and the two one express started a petition to get this was in the early days before petitions were a joke.

The two one express started cycling around a petition, get dick back on the morning announcements. Yeah. They didn't work. My tenure was over. But this day worth it. Worth it. Here's another mystery that we've got a story. You got a story. It's worth it for the story. It's always worth it, worth it. Here's another mystery that we want to present. It's worth it for the story.

It's always worth it for the story. And this is what makes me rage. This is what makes him rage. We're sitting there with this beautiful wife yesterday at the King Taco. And I'm right about to ask him what makes him rage. And he goes, hey, remember awkward boners? I said, okay, let me hear what you got about that.

And this is a boner mystery that has haunted me for 20 years. Understand this. That this is like a 20 year puzzle. Two words that have never been said next to each other in a sentence before, boner mystery. It's a boner mystery that has puzzled me for ages, for decades.

We were sitting the two on express tonight. We're sitting in our Spanish class, and we had a Spanish instructor, Mr. Lopez. So we had a Lopez, you had him. You had him too? Yeah, when he taught at my school. Yeah, hard ass, right? Yeah, he was pretty cool.

He was cool, but man, if you fucked with him, he would rain down hell on you. He's a football coach too. Yes. And he had just finished chewing out the two one express the day before at football practice. So we're sitting in there in Spanish class and Senor Lopez says, okay, out of nowhere. And he goes, you points at the two one express. I want you to get up here and read some Spanish out of this book

for everyone. Read some Spanish out of this book and out of nowhere for some reason. Two on express goes, no. And I was like, oh my god. I remember sitting at the time because I'd seen this teacher really lay into guys. So I looked over like, are you fucking, are you insane? Are you trying to get, I don't know what we were all afraid of as kids, but you're afraid of something. Like you're not going to get hit, right? You're afraid, so I look over like, are you, are you insane? This guy's going to, this guy's going to eviscerate you. This guy's going to turn into like a, a Spanish exorcism and, and, and scream at you in Spanish with such authority that you're gonna explode, that you're gonna start crying. That's what we're worried about as teenage boys,

like, uh-oh, if I pissed off this adult, they're gonna yell at me and I might start crying, and then that's it. I'm gonna have to change schools. Yeah. I'm not gonna be allowed to, but I'll never feel a boob. I'll know and will ever want,

no chick will ever talk to me. You may have to switch genders. Yeah. Well, there's before that. You couldn't do that, bad boy. So he goes, no, chick will ever talk to me. You may have to switch genders. Yeah. Well, there's before that. You couldn't do that back then. Oh. So he goes, no one had thought of it. He goes, no.

And senior Lopez, I remember looked up from his paper and gave the evilest evil eye to the two one expressing. He goes, I want you to get up right now and read out of this book. I want you to get up here and do it. And this is, they've never been done before. Yeah. And the two on Express looks back at me and goes, I just can't do that.

And I thought I did the same, the same move that I did last week when that guy said that when Old Frank the tank said that he tried to hang himself, uh, on the podcast last week, I did that move and I was like, well, what else you got here, kiddo? How, how do you think this is going to, there was nice knowing you, it was nice knowing you, but, uh, I guess I'll talk to you later. I don't know if you're, if you're not still crying after you're about to get eviscerated in Espanol by senior Lopez. And for some reason, for some reason, senior Lopez just stared him down and then went to somebody

else. And I found that always bugged me. It always bugged me that that happens. I was like, what the hell, what the hell could I have gotten away with? Yeah, but it always, and then yesterday, the two one Express tells me, oh, yeah, it's because I had one of those enormous teenage boners that came out of, and I, and I, and I, any weighed, he weighed the pros and cons of being so eviscerated that he could end up crying at school and getting torn into by the, by the ferocious senior Lopez or getting up and revealing to the

world they had he had an erection. Man, high school was something else, man, if the wind blew, you'd get a boner. Oh, it had nothing to do with the rousal. It just was, I remember, I remember being at a, being at a bar mitzvah. Yeah. You know, and they read, just stop, stop right there. You know, but not the not the party. Like when they're going through the Torah and the kids up the kids are up there and they're like on a high on a hay on a halah ha ha. Ha na laha hai. Ha na hay ha. Well, they have to memorize a

passage, right? I don't know. I they say they read it. Don't they don't they go to like Hebrew school for weeks in advance to read the Hebrew? I don't know. And then they do it. Ahala, halah, halah, halah. So in the middle of this, I don't know why. I was like 13 or something. I was there with my whole family.

It was a close friend of ours. So we were front row center. And I remember somewhere around the Hanah-Hah-Hahalahalahalah, I felt that ting. I started feeling that motion in the ocean down south. You know what I'm talking about? Swelling, the swelling that shall not be named when you're 13 and I start thinking, oh, fuck, man. Give me at least I can just sit here.

And this is a fancy bar mitzvah. So we're talking polo shirt tucked into the khaki pants like full exposure. Yeah, might as well have been nude. I had more, I feel like I had more protection had I been nude, but except for the belt, you know, the belt and the khaki. It's the khakis because you know what khakis are if you have jeans You can kind of say well, maybe it's like a shadow. You don't know if you're wearing jeans You're more safe with the direction

Because people might mistake it for a shadow. Okay, but if you're wearing khakis everybody knows that it's not a shadow So I'm sitting there thinking With this huge, huge direction, huge direction. John, don't make any mistakes. Thinking, okay, it's fine. I'm just going to sit here on this wooden bench. I don't know why these, I don't know why these dudes in Yama because it's going chanting about, I don't know what singing songs is giving me an erection. You gotta try to talk it down.

Yeah, she like a negotiator. Look, look erection. I don't know what you want. Like a terrorist. Like if you have to take a piss in the morning. Yeah. Really bad. You're like, oh, come, come on.

I got somewhere to be. Yeah, come on. You tell me, who do you work for me? What do you want? What do you want to think about? What do you want me to think about and I'll do it. I'll do it. I don't know why you're into this,

I don't know why you're, I don't know why you're, I don't want you to do this to me right now but just tell me what you want. I don't want to analyze it because I all think about it. If you want, if you found somebody in here that's getting you going, just tell me

and I'll look at them and then we can deal with that later. I'll get them picture in my brain. Let's be a team. Don't keep me in the dark. Don't, yeah, don't just do this to me, but it's like a guy in a coma, you're dick. It only has the one, it only has Morse code.

It's like Stephen Hawking. He's just out there tapping you a message. It's either on or off. It's got no way to communicate. That's when you're young, you gotta work out a way of communicating with your erection. Mm-hmm. So I can't figure I'm sitting there sweating

like I am now in this synagogue, as they're reading the Torah. And I'm like, well, at least I'm safe here sitting down. And then I hear something in Hebrew. And people start sanding up and I think, oh, God, no, come on, come on, man. So sure enough, my whole family stands up, stands up next to me up and down, look over. My dad's already standing up right next to me and I think, well, hey man, fuck it. What's, it's not my fault.

Nothing I could do about this, right? So I stand up front and center, front and center, front and center at a bar mitzvah, enormous erection, looking up at the arc of the covenant. Just going, well, guess this is my life now. The arc of the covenant. Whatever, that's what they store the thing in, the Torah in, right?

I don't know, they got a big thing. I don't know how it works. I don't know how they got a big thing. I don't know how it works. I don't know how it works. Sean anyway, awkward, awkward direction. We'll move on from that. Yeah, that's my, let's see, I got something. Okay, here's what else makes me rage this week. Is when you're looking at your phone, you say, hey, I got to show you this thing on my phone, and you whip your phone out. And as soon as you do, you got 10 sets of eyes looking at your phone when you do. And you hope you close the last. I mean, I don't

even know where to start with the whole. It's you pull it out. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, everybody, everybody. I need, I need about 10 minutes. I'll queue this up. I will take the, yeah, you don't know, I don't even know what's in here. I don't know what I've taken a picture of to put in here, but the, I have to show you something is a cue for you to turn around and go the other way. And then when I have it, I'll pick it up and spin it around.

Yeah, because I'm not responsible for what happens to your mental state. No. If you see something that you wish you hadn't seen. No, and we gotta start, we gotta all train each other to do this. When you're getting out, when you're getting out your phone, ready to show somebody something, it's time to pull the old Cino evil, don't ask, don't tell, throw your hands up, pretend you got something, or just say, you know what, I'm going to give you a minute.

That's the new, that's the, that's the something we've got to all have a pact. Where as soon as you pull your phone out and say, I've got to show you something, it happened to me when I was at screen, Jung, you remember I did that beauty in the beast roast with Joe star recently, right? Joe, yeah, Joe says to me, hey, I got, I got some pictures of another one we did. I'm going to show you and he gets his phone out and kind of gives like that sheepish little turn and I said, hey, buddy, I'm just going to give you a couple of, don't worry about it.

Don't you just go figure it out. I don't want to know what's on there. You just go figure it out. You just, we all, we, we, we're so eager. We're so eager like chimpanzees. Show me what you got. Show me, I can't wait to see that picture and also maybe see a little bit of a penis or of a some little fuck up in there.

Show me what you got, but just take a step back. It's like the passwords, right? When you're about to enter your password, people will go out, they'll leave your house and get in their car. If you're entering your, hold on, I gotta log into my Netflix account. Oh, let me give you some privacy to type in your password to Netflix. Yeah. I'll just go to the bathroom for two hours.

And when I come back out, it will have been entered, right? I'm at the bank. The guy says, the guy says, here, you got to log into your account, slides me the keyboard. And then he does like a, he does like a phantom of the opera thing with his hand. He spins away in his chair and covers his eyes as to avert his eyes like the phantom of the opera. Not even maybe peeking a little bit, but only just to see if I'm done.

He holds it up like a burka so he can peer over the top to see when I, my hands are done. Click it, he click it. I'm like, why the fuck, why are you going through all this rigmarole? You own the bank. Not for one second, do I think you don't, you can't do whatever you want to my bank account. Just look, but if they're saying the same breath, if I were to say, oh, I've got this thing on my phone

that I want it, that I need to show you. I've got this thing, he would be all, it would be like a, it would be like Tom Sawyer peaking over the fat, like a little boy in the 30s trying to see a baseball game illegally, elicitly peering over. I'm like, dude, you just gotta give me, I gotta go into my car. I'm gonna queue up all the things I wanna show you on my phone,

just to make sure there's no pornography involved. Then I'll come back in and I'll give you the flip. That's the rule, I gotta give you the flip. If there's no flip, stay, I want 10 feet of space on all sides. Because I know it could be on the phone. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. I know what could be on the phone. I know what I want you to see. I know what could be on the phone. I don't know what it is all times. Oh man. All right. We've got. We got to talk about the bonus episode today. How do people like that? You know me checking comments always, right? Yeah. You really got to talk about the bonus episode today. How did people like that?

You know me checking comments all ways, right? Yeah, you really got to get on. You should take a look sometime. Yeah, I kind of like not knowing. Well, um, let's see. Uh, it was a, it was a weird bonus episode. I mean, you thought it was good, right? I liked it because it was so different, but those calls were heavy. At least while one was agonizing,

which one was agonizing? Well, the first one was long. The first one was long. The second was a little agonizing too, if you're honest. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I mean, yeah, then the third one, I thought there was about an 85% chance

that guy was gonna kill himself on the air. You know, serious. Yeah, Sean thought there was about an 85% chance that guy was going to kill himself on the air. You know, serial. Sean, that was when we lost the connection or we heard him rummaging around or something like that. Yeah. Frank the tank, man. Yeah.

Frank, I, I hope you're still, I hope you're still with us, buddy. If you're listening, you got to, the show is your accountability. You got to stay, you got to stay with us and not do anything, not do anything. Brash, that was brutal. Yeah. That column was brutal. So I could see maybe people going, this is a really fucking bummer episode. They did not like it. They did not like it. They did not like it. Overwhelmingly did not like it. Well, there's two things. Overwhelmingly. I think I know one of them's name. Yeah, they overwhelming.

We didn't like it and they overwhelmingly are incensed by dust. For a couple reasons. Pitchforks and torches. Yes. Oh no. Yes, several dozen threads, possibly more contentious than the CernivICH episode, I think. Oh, boy.

Yeah, that was, that was a, but in, I will say this in his, in his defense, nobody knew the third call was going to go like that, even Dustin. We had a, I think I'm going to talk, talk about this after we talked to harmful opinions, but I do want to say upfront that none of us, none of us know what it would go like. Oh, no, no, no way. No. Yeah. You're going to say anything else on that. I'll say it after. I want to talk to this guy first before we get to bring somebody. So yeah, this is, I think he's there. Yeah, he's definitely there. So this, this, this man, this gentleman by the name of Harmful Opinions, he's a thought leader. Okay.

He's a guy who, well, here, I'm going to play you some of his material. He takes remixes of TED talks and cuts them up so they're saying ridiculous things. That's one of the things that he does. I want to play one of them for you right now because they're very funny. I'm going to tell you a story today about hatred of criticism I have this folder on my computer desktop called feminist garbage the folder name might sound a little like provocation But I think it's important to call things what they actually are You may not want to look at this next slide

My slide is a giant picture of her. Oh, there we go. It's hideous. As many voices as possible to shut up. Like maybe state-sanctioned silence. That is why I invited others to beat up my critics into a bloody pulp. Yeah. That's funny. invited others to beat up my critics into a bloody pulp. Yeah. Mm.

That's funny. Yeah, he did stuff like that. Let me play another one. Here's, here's, uh, Brianna Wu, I think, doing it. Well, I was a child. I remember my parents were so hesitant to get me a computer because they knew that the moment they did, I would just talk about gender issues.

Obnoxious, right? But that is what- So well done. She didn't say that. Yeah. If you watch the video, you can see clearly that she's not saying that because she's an outspoken proponent. Obnoxious.

Obnoxious. That happens every single time. It happens over and over and over and over and over and over. You know I'm not a software engineer and this is just going to be I'm going to lay it out on the table for you. I would rather be a person of color someone that's gay someone that's a woman you know. So I hope that kind of communicates to you how strongly I feel about making it about oppression. I want to give you a very quick story. So I was over at MIT the other day, and I found myself unconsciously realizing Broad's Kent code, right?

Making women a playable character is not working. A lot of women engineers have to go back to the kitchen, right? This is not personal. This is just talking about a problem in an objective way. Oh, boy. Oh yeah, there you go. That's right. Yeah. All right, let me get a mind here.

It's got some things to answer for, doesn't it? Yeah. Hey, harmful opinions, are you there? Yeah. Hey man, can I call you harmful or Mr. Opinions? Whichever you prefer. Harmful. Oh my God, that voice.

I thought that you had an effect on your voice, but you did it again. No, it is text to speech. I just write really quickly. But you sound very deep as well. Oh, you mean you're writing quickly right now? Yeah, it's actually a synthesizer. It's not me speaking. Oh my God, unbelievable.

So we have an interview with a cyborg a, with a cyborg, a half-man and a half-machine. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, of course. Of course, the brain is actually just a depiction of what I am inside of a tank. See, we're, we're very gullible on this show. Yeah, yeah. So if you, if that's not true, you win. But look, your videos are extremely funny. The remixes are extremely funny. I love them. What I didn't get into is your commentary videos because I can't play them in one minute,

but you are, you are, you bill yourself as a professional artist, is that right? Among others, that little tagline changes, but I think that's pretty accurate. Probably the most accurate thing I've ever called myself. Why, what makes you a professional artist as opposed to like an amateur artist? Well, I make money using my artist. There you go.

Just the definition of professional means I end up making money. Yeah. And your your autism in this case would be, it's really a point by point dissection of rampant, rampant thought viruses, thought viral, going around degeneracy, degeneracy. In what, in what ways would you, in what, what, what would you qualify as degeneracy? Just the, the various things of rotting our society. Like what? From grown men who think they're little girls and things like that.

Okay. So grown like the... Is that it? What are your top three forms of degeneracy that you would say are ratting our society? Number one, probably feminism. Number two, egos that get too big online. Yeah. That ended up actually helping that.

Number three, anime. Why anime? Just what it turns these people into. I think it's just a past to pedophilia and just bad diets and everything. Really? He could be totally right. How is it a past to me? Because my experience.

I don't know, sounds right. My experience to anime was like cowboy bebop and I'm thinking, oh, this is pretty cool. This is a good. No, no, that's fine. That's fine. There are some that are okay. Cowboy B-bop is fucking awesome. But then it's just that these people who, I don't know how it happens, but there's definitely a correlation there.

These people with anime advertise. There's something wrong with them. Do you think they have these tendencies and then they gravitate toward anime? It's like, I mean, that could be the case. Yeah. Well, that's like a star trek. This cop was telling me one time that every pedophile they ever busted had a star trek

shrine, not saying that, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, not saying that star trek caused pedophilia because you know, I'm a huge, hey, but pedophiles like star trek. Sitting down with a star trek, the next generation, man, I could watch, I'll watch all nine seasons, I'll start over, however many The next generation, man, I could watch, I'll watch all nine seasons. I'll start over. However many seasons there are, start over at the beginning. That's a happy life. There's ever an ocult.

What is there in that? Is there some planet that go to you that's full of aliens that look like little kids or something? What is that? No, I don't think so. Well, the cop told me that it's something to do with like the weird non-sexual interactions and like hierarchical, the strict hierarchy of the way their social interactions are, like the non-human aspects of the show attract them to it.

If that makes sense, but this is, you know, this is a cop telling me this. So he was just to race his comeback and he doesn't know what he's talking about. So why do you, why do you think it is? What's wrong with the anime here? I, I don't know, I don't know what it is, it's just the pattern. It's just the's talking to me. So, why do you think it is? What's wrong with the anime here? I don't know, I don't know what it is, it's just the pattern. It's just the pattern, and I know, I know you guys were saying you noticed, there's gotta be something there.

Yeah, I was saying like with cowboy beard off, I got into it, and then I looked for what I thought would be a treasure trove of like other good anime. And there's just nothing. Like, and the entire rest of anime is just these cartoons that look like four-year-olds and tries to convince you that 9,000 years old so whatever they do is fine.

It's, and it's a very simplistic story structure. It's like, it's like Sonic the Hedgehog. Yeah, you, are you harmful opinions? Are you, are you just joking about being a professional artist? Or are you actually an autism? I actually am. Are you really just enough for it to be like a benefit? It meant I had to deal with a very awkward set of teenage years.

But now it's just the focus. I can sort of harness all the colors of the autism. How what does it feel like? Because I come from a long line of people who work with artists. I'm like a van Helsing for autism. Like my mother, my mother was an autism worker. I myself worked for several years with a man who had some form of ass breakers, I'm sure.

But I got all the weapons to deal with the autism when they some form of ass breakers, I'm sure. But I, you know, I got the belt, I got all the weapons to deal with the autism when they get out of control, but I don't know what, I don't know what it feels like. What is it like for you? What it feels like? It's like having the glasses from they live on, but I can't take them off. Yeah. It's like, I can always see through some of the shit that snows people. Like feminism, you're saying. So what are your biggest complaints for them? I mean, I ain't everybody knows I can't stand feminism,

but I want to hear that. It's all over the place. It's because it's so vague, because it covers so many things. It could be anything from the consent stuff is probably a big one, because sure, talk to kids about consent and sex but you always watch these videos, especially if they're from Canada and they get into batshit territory.

There was this one I was watching that was I think made in Nova Scotia and all these Canadians came to me and said, oh my God, it plays here and it's bizarre. They have to turn everything into animals and then they go way, way too far talking about how commenting on someone's photo online and having them say nice tits or something is sexual violence.

Yeah. And having this joc coat come and then threaten the guy who did it and it's like, wait, that's worse. It's weird to me when they get this straw straw man, jock character to come in because I identify with it with the like the in your face, like the frat boy. What I've noticed is like as much as they focus on kind of blaming everything on the strongest man they see, it's really, it's, it comes from everywhere. Number one, but it also makes everybody susceptible to like the more the weaker assailants.

Do you know, does that make sense? Like, have you seen all the stories coming up? Were you aware of Game of Gate? Yeah, I am aware of it. Yeah. All these guys, these weird, bearded, goon man critics, you keep hearing about how they've done fucked up stuff to women. Yeah. These stories just keep coming out. And it's, it does disarm people. Yeah, it does. We had a, there was a, in the improv community, community scene, the improv comedy scene out here, there was like a huge, there was like a plague of assaults that we had.

And they're like, none of these guys are the strapping Captain America that you got in these videos, and you watch out for this guy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no more specifically, recently, your YouTube channel, which was huge, 100,000 subscribers, and you put out content like this all the time. You said, was, what's that?

You said, was huge. It was, because it vanished overnight. Like this guy, Harmful Opinion's YouTube channel, vanished, what the hell happened with that man? That was a great... I don't know exactly how it happened, but apparently my security wasn't good enough. I do download all sorts of fucked up games

to show off to people and laugh at. So maybe there was something there. I don't know what happened, but someone got in screwed with all my stuff. I've gotten most of my accounts back. YouTube was useless getting my channel back. So I'm starting from scratch again, basically. Well, I saw that happened and it was right at the tail end of you taking on a company

called Candid. Oh, yeah. So I was very suspicious about it because for the people who don't, well, why don't you describe what Candid is if you wouldn't mind? Because there's probably a lot of people you don't know. Yeah, cancer would be a much better name for it. So I saw fucking everyone doing ads for this thing, taking sponsorship from it, promoting it, and I decided, okay, what's up with this? Five seconds looking and it's got one of these bots that everyone hates.

The shit that Twitter's got now, that everyone hates. And the kind of people I'd expect to take the piss out of this app that tells everyone, oh, this is a lovely place where trolls and bullies aren't allowed, we're advertising it and not making fun of it. And that concerned me. So I ripped on it. I found out that it's actually racist.

You can say stuff about white people, but not about black people sometimes. That's a thing. That's a thing. And this fucking company, yeah, you can say anything you want about white people. And this fucking company retaliates. It gets other YouTubers to try to discredit me

or mock me in retaliation videos that someone, a nice dude who worked with them, leached to me that he was asked to do one. Two turns out they asked some guy who luckily I was friends with to basically track me and what I'm doing an off-demo reward. The CEO talks to my mother and says, oh, we've received all these anonymous tips and stuff about your account. I saw that, man.

So, for the simple explanation to anybody new to this, is Candid was an app that, it looks like to me, it was just financed by a bunch of like silicon valley shitheads. It's an app, it's an app like anything else where you can chat and post like some kind of version of Twitter or like some kind of stupid social media app, except their selling point was twofold. They said we're having some kind of algorithm that protects against cyber violence and bullying, like saying mean things. And number two, and this was the interesting part, they're paying, they're paying like all the, all the low tier or all, excuse me, not, you know, in the grand scope of things, but all the top YouTube people, they're paying a pittance to shill for this new app.

Okay. And they've cultivated this at this weird atmosphere where all these people they're paying a pittance to shill for this new app. Okay. And they've cultivated this weird atmosphere where all these big YouTube stars, harmful, correct me if I'm wrong, but all these big YouTube stars took like a couple hundred bucks, maybe. Well, I can't be sure because I've only seen one leaked contract and then another guy and it was like, one was like 500,

the other they were off from the grant. I imagine the bigger people got offered more, but so many YouTubers are in their pocket and we know the basic contract includes a non-dispirative in clause. You can't say anything that could hurt this company's reputation for two years after the contract ends. So it is a bizarre atmosphere where not only the people

who are directly involved aren't going to tell you any of the nasty shit that's going on, but anyone who wants to be in the in-crowd is sort of hesitant as well, or anyone who might want to get paid in future. So it's eerie that what would normally be cold out, laughed out, mocked, reported on, just silence. There's dead silence about it.

And go ahead. Wow. That's funny that they work that into the contract because obviously they know that what they're doing is shitty or shady or whatever. So they just, they write the gag order right into the contract. Right away for, for, for nothing. Like as far as advertising go like for 500, a thousand bucks for you completely sell your credibility out.

Like you can't, and the, the best thing is they've, this is, this is why I thought it was interesting, because they've got all this money. They're paying barely anything to the YouTube people who are putting their entire reputations on it. Like they're not, they're not just reading an ad. Like you pay Tom Hanks to read an ad and he's like, hey Nike shoes, what the fuck, I wear them. You should wear them. They run, they're shoes. And then he doesn't do the ad and you know in your mind, Tom Hanks doesn read an ad and he's like, hey, Nike shoes. What the fuck? I wear them. You should wear them.

They run. They're shoes. And then he doesn't do the ad. And you know, in your mind, Tom Hanks doesn't give a fuck about these shoes. No, no, no. But they go to YouTube. They go to YouTube. And these guys are so grateful that they got some like real credibility in paying

dispensers something that they put their entire hearts into it. So that you don't know the difference. It's very deceptive and weird. I don't know if you've got that. It's influence of marketing. That whole field is a kind of worms. It's so fucked up.

The contract specifies that you've got to make it look like a normal video. You have to disclose which some people don't do that it's the sponsor video that it's an ad, but they want you to make it look like your usual content. So it's harder to tell. And then I hate that. The go ahead. So what makes it unique is just that it's not supposed to allow cyber bullying via a special algorithm. Yeah. I think it was the another app called Whisper that had that got some bad press because people were using it for harassment. And it's South Park had already made fun of it with the bully proof windows,

troll proof door shit. It's that kind of. Yeah, they also claimed that they had an algorithm to spy the truth. Is that, did I read that right? That messed up. Yes. I asked the CEO about it and she said,

what they're training it to do and what's gonna happen is, is it's gonna check Twitter and going to happen is it's going to check Twitter and Wikipedia to see if something's true or not. Cross-referring it as true a rumor. Oh, yeah, that's crazy, man, because this whole news cycle has taken me from someone who thought the news was doing their best to get to their best shot to someone who actively, actively thinks they're trying, they're maybe, they're trying to get their own agenda across. Like, I don't believe, first of all, I don't believe any news stories for two days. Now, that's it. 48 hours,

news story breaks, I'm done. I'm going to wait, I'm going to wait two days and see if it's still around. I believe it. But I mean, I'm starting to think after this NSA FBI leak, I'm starting to think they're just working for like a weird intelligence community shadow government. It's gotten that bad. And now there, this whole thing with the candidate app makes me think like there's no, there's no end of money that they can throw out to these YouTube guys to get them to shill for products like this. I mean, think they've, they've endorsed this thing that does all that shit,

and now all the bigger platforms Facebook, Twitter are implementing all this stuff. So what can they say about those now? They've already shilled for something that does that. How badly are they going to be able to fight these other platforms? And now, like you're saying, the news being so untrustworthy, so often the thing that shows you it's fake, you see on social media, now we have to, but the news being so untrustworthy. So often, the thing that shows you its fake, you see on social media, now we have to worry about the corrections

that come out through social media being hidden by all these algorithms and shit. And the people you would expect to be the front line, the commentators, the counter-culture YouTubers, have shown that they can be bought. For nothing. It's such a weird analogy that it goes all the way But it's like the 30 pieces of silver. How much will it cost you to sell everybody out?

500 bucks a thousand bucks. I'm going to rush about it They want you to like as soon as my channel was gone one of the one of the biggest guys in what they called the skeptic community Was talking about how you should get off these poor people's backs. Maybe they made a mistake and endorsed it once. They didn't know all this info blah, blah, blah. But these people are pumping out ads and no one knows about the shady side of it. And the promotion continues and more and more of their audiences being fed to the shitty company. Yeah.

Harmful opinions is a big fan of the hack guys. That's what we call behind the scenes drops on the show harmful. You got, I've seen you, I've seen you talking to some of these YouTube guys and you say, Hey, you just want to let you know that I want to, I got a question for you. And whatever you say to me, I'm going to read in a video. Yeah. And people are used to that. For some reason, everybody wants private conversation. Everybody wants their little back channeling conversations these days to be hushed up Like they got some got like they want they want They want to they want to pass to do this kind of shit, and I love that you do that

If you want it if you want to off the record ask me and if I say yeah, yeah, go ahead tell me something I'll keep your secret. I'll keep it secret otherwise. I'm not keeping your secrets for you So what tell it to me don't give me a job to hide your bullshit. What is the skeptic community for you? I've heard you say it. I'd like it. You know, it's, it's, you'll hear people saying, oh, this guy's saying the community doesn't exist when it clearly does. Yeah, if you want to talk about a community just being a loose group of people who shared interest, cool, but there are too many people who get too invested into it. It becomes like a club or a too important part of someone's life or their identity. And that's what I hate. To me, it should just be, okay, this corner of YouTube, but for too many people,

it's more than that. What kind of people, what do you mean about, like who, what do they do? Some audience, some people who watch this stuff, they buy into it, but, you know, if you wanna look at people like Saigon of a CAD or who made a video basically arguing that it should be considered a bit more than just a corner of YouTube and arguing for leniency towards people who do anything in this team.

Yeah. Is the way I'd look at it. Yeah. Not into that. Well, I thought, oh, check this out. Okay. So this is, this also have an article. He's, he's going on a stream.

He's going on to debate the CEO of this candid app and right before the interview, where they're gonna like argue the benefits so that, you know, if this thing is a big shakedown or a scam or whatever and these people's like, marketing practices, he's trying to make it, he's trying to put it out in the open. The CEO gets on Twitter and starts retweeting this guy's mom.

This was different. This wasn't the CEO who did that. Who did that? This was a YouTuber called Saigon of a cat who was trying to get people to leave the YouTubers who shield this thing alone. Sort of at the beginning of the month, he released a video like that. And I was going to talk to him about it. And he has not done an ad for them. He has not received any money for him.

Okay. Bodies with people who have have and really, really weirdly, like so much stuff happens that it's hard to think it's just coincidence. He posts up a tweet that includes a picture of one of my mom's tweets about autism awareness or something because my sister is disabled and has autism as well. I was just like, holy fuck, is that a coincidence? Can I start feeling like that's weird now? It seems pretty weird. I fucking hate when people go after your family.

Like, go ahead. Yeah, no, I was gonna say it's like going after politicians, kids. Yeah. It's just there's certain things that should be, they can't help who their parents are, or if they're going through an awkward teenage time or it just doesn't make any sense. I mean, it's fine to go after them. Yeah, the same thing happened to know right after is about you know the Kiwi farm. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right after is mom. Well, I mean, that's why I thought you're channeling. I got a story for you though. Go ahead

tell it. Like a little one about I was gonna stream with this CEO months ago Okay, and that was something that called off because this CEO of a free speech-friendly app There's meant to be where you can know your opinions. She was Refusing to go on it unless I turned off the chat and wouldn't allow comments on it But she didn't want people to say mean things. Yeah Free speech. That was bizarre. But she cuts both ways, do interviews with people she'd already paid.

Sure. And one of the, this CEO of this anonymous Hydroidentity, all about privacy app, goes on with this dude called Baron, who's a good guy. He actually helped me look into this because he regretted doing his sponsorship. He goes on a stream with her to try and mess her up and he did really well, got it to look like a fool and she drops his name in the first 10 minutes. Like outing him to everybody. Yeah, maliciously, just so careless.

Just because she doesn't understand the internet. Yeah, everyone needs to know how incompetent this fucking company is, because if you're gonna use their stuff and let them have your info or whatever, you are holy crap. You don't trust this company. Well, when are your videos coming back? They've gotta come back.

You were too big. There's an archive of them. I'm gonna probably upload like the ones I think are the best and I think within the next week I should have some fresh stuff going up. Okay fresh stuff taking down degeneracy. Yeah. Okay. What's your probably first thing would be the Twitter filtering? Let's be put in God that's bad. I don't know how we're gonna I don't know how we're supposed to get around that like all the all the all the conservatives all the like-minded people all the conservatives, all the like-minded people who just want to hash things out and want to talk things out and want to do like a point by point breakdown of, I want to say like belief systems, like wrong headed belief systems are getting systematically executed

or like just pulled off into the shadows. It's like a horror movie. We're like, we're all living in John Carpenter's the thing on Twitter where one by one, everybody who is like anti SJW, anybody who has like a, you know, I want to say like a male centric opinion is just kind of getting grabbed by this invisible alien and yanked into the dark. Like when they're clicking on stuff, it tells you there are like 30 replies and then you is just kind of getting grabbed by this invisible alien and yanked into the dark. Like when they're clicking on stuff, it tells you there are like 30 replies and then you can see two of them. So you're going to go after that next? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, absolutely. Okay, that's good. I look forward to that. What else you got? What else is contributing to the degeneracy? Well, I mean, what happens is as as stuff pops up, that's what I mean by professional artists,

like something catches my attention and then that's all I can think about. Yeah. Okay. What do you think about the whole trans thing? The whole trans thing. Yeah. The whole trans thing. White topic. Just lava, I'm a softball, I don't you? I mean, you got to be careful, because I mean, some of the surgeries and some of the chemicals make, gets it to a point where you can't tell what someone's packing. Yeah.

Just by looking at him. That's the wire beware. Fire beware. Fire beware. We're gonna have to have like a kind of scan it. That's a scan it. The bathroom stuff. On the one hand, I understand worry about

having some dude in a wig in the bathrooms with little kids and stuff. You might be a bit fucked up and putverted, but on the other hand, I think that name's Buck Angel. It's a female to male. And you look at this person and you're like, wait, should that person be going in the women's room? Looks like a dude.

Buck and you look exactly like a rip dude, but could probably kick our ass. I don't say that. So it's definitely a guy because no one could ever kick our ass. It's definitely a guy. I'm thinking it should be more, more along the lines of like if the person passes, it's probably okay. And you wouldn't notice anyway. Okay. All right.

You don't need to make it too formal. Take that. We'll see. But if it's like body builder in a skirt, maybe go in the men's room. All right. Can I ask what makes you a rage aside from all this stuff? Aside from all this stuff. Yeah.

No, Matt, what makes me a rage more than anything is not having what I want to look at online fucked with Having hidden haven't worry about is my stuff hidden Am I being toyed with I mean Facebook was toying with people trying to see what their emotional response would be if they Fucked with your timeline to show you negative stuff or positive stuff you look at the Podesta email leaks and you can see Hillary Clinton worried about Facebook making the AI stuff public because it will mess with the stuff for 2020. That makes me furious. Wait a minute. I might be being turned into a rat. You're saying that Twitter was AB testing to make people sad and happy. Facebook was. Facebook was still in there. I don't remember the exact story but there

been all sorts of stuff to fuck with people to see how they can affect mood. God damn, that's terrifying. It's horrifying. That's the last thing. How do you... Yeah, go ahead. If they crack the code, if they crack the code

and they want society to go a certain way, however many millions of people using that site, if they can give all of them a little nudge, you won't even know it's happening to you, but everyone's mind will be changed slowly. And you see governments like, you see Angela Merkel getting in with Facebook and stuff, and that makes me horrified and furious that people would even entertain doing this. Yeah, I don't like that at all, man.

I noticed, like I noticed subtly, maybe subconsciously over the last year, just kind of peace outing from Facebook, slowly until like, I do not, I don't ever check it at all. And now I'm wondering, well, is it because they're like making it crappier? Like, are they just making the world seem shitty? Because like, as you, if you put that wedge in, like if you plant that ax in between people, you're gonna get people. You're gonna get, you know,

you're gonna get like this cult of sorrow where people just are more and more addicted to this emotion they're getting from Facebook. You're gonna lose some people like me who just kind of like the matrix style subconsciously, I just rejected. No. Like it doesn't seem, this no longer seems like my social experience.

Now it just, something seems wrong with it. If you go back and visit it, because I've been on Facebook for ages, I go back and visit it and it feels like stepping into a bubble. It does. Yeah, you're right about that. It didn't always though, Sean. It didn't always. Like it used to It didn't, it didn't always.

Like, it used to feel, it used to feel like you kind of got a selection from everybody. But now, if I ever log on now, it, it does, it feels like I'm at some kind, it feels like I'm at a mix of a, women's march and an AA meeting. Like, it's, there's, there's, there's, there's this weird, depressive atmosphere to it that I can't put my finger on.

And it's driven me away. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't spend really any time on Facebook. Yeah, that's smart. You all right. Harmful opinions. Thanks for, hey, can I get, because you got such a sexy voice. Can I get a read from you? Can I get like a promo read? Can you say, can you say the Dixho presents an erotic

story from a real man? The Dixho presents an erotic story from a real man. That's a great read. Thank you. Thank you. You're a professional. Have me on. Please get your, please get your, your channel back up online as quickly as possible. I love watching. I love that little floating stuff out. Oh, good. On the, what's your, read your, your URL off for everybody so they can get it. Sure. YouTube.com slash harmful opinions. Okay. Awesome. I look forward to seeing more content. It's really great. Like harmful opinions, he'll take somebody really spashing out over an issue and he'll dissect it point by point with this little floating mind and this hot buttery voice that you're

listening to. Yeah. You know, all right, man, thanks a lot. Thanks a lot. Have a good day. All right, let me give you a road rage update. First, man, I, I suck at planning shit. It is so I've been bust, I suck at planning shit. It is so I've been bust, I've been busting my ass trying to get an LA location, but first it was Super Bowl, was in the way, then it was Valentine's Day, then March Madness, like I'm just looking for that one window in LA.

I am shooting for, let me get a calendar just to make absolutely certain that this is the right date. I'm shooting for LA. I want to do March 18th in LA, March 17 to 18th, that weekend, as soon as I find out the date, as soon as I found out the date and the location, I will put tickets up, I'll put them out for Patreon,

and then I'll put them up just so we can get ahead count. Yeah. I think it'll be like 100 people. That was a, then, that'd be great. Oh, it'd be fucking great. I mean, that's, yeah. I'm trying to get the show, everybody from the show out there,

like all the favorites, see if we can get Mad Cucks and Estherios and Denzel. Sure. But then immediately after that, we're going to Philly. I want to get as close, I want to get around the eighth in April in Philly. Does that work for you?

I want to get it, I want to get either, well, you know what, maybe we could do tax time. Maybe we do a big tax. You know, hey, fuck it. Let's do a tax day episode from Philadelphia, the city of Liberty, right? That's where they came up with this great experiment called America and it was perfect

when they did it, Sean. Do you understand what I mean? And then everybody, you know, let me tell you something about it. Let me tell you something. They planned it perfectly, man. They had it absolutely perfectly. They were going to keep, keep all your representation down at the 30,000 level. That's it.

It was gonna be a stadium of people because every decision, shit, if you got a stadium full of people, you will know exactly what they want. That is like, you know, that is the human component of America. What made it so great. They said we're gonna have all these districts

and it's gonna be 30,000 people. And if 30,000 people want you to represent them, you do it. We'll get you up here. We're going to have a big coliseum, like as the Senate and the House man. We're going to have a big coliseum where we all do it out. In the beginning of America, dudes were bringing goats into the house of representatives. Like it was ass farmers at the house of representatives. It was everybody at the house or anybody could be in there.

Then we're gonna get the Senate. It's gonna be a place of learned men. But every once in a while, you might get an ass farmer in there. Yeah. Depends. It depends. That's why they're there all the time. But the point is, you get it from that 30,000 people.

You need, that was the first, did you know this? That was the first amendment. No. Oh, my fucking God. Okay. The first amendment. The real first amendment.

Bro. Oh. What do you think the first amendment, freedom of speech, right? Yeah. So they bullshit. Before that, the actual first amendment was to keep the size of the congressional districts to

30,000 people. And how was that killed? I think Delaware didn't rat. Some jackass states did, there was two amendments before, before the 10. I didn't know that. Should have been a dozen that were not ratified. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Number one, 30,000 people. Is it 30,000 or 50,000? But the point is you keep it small because if it's 30, if people, is it 30,000 or 50,000? But the point is, you keep it small, because if you're fucking up and you represent 30,000 people, they're gonna find you. They're gonna, like, if you're that small, that small time and you got 30,000 people you're representing, one of those motherfuckers will find you at your house,

not gonna do it and say, hey, what's the deal here? Well, like, I mean, you can go as a person, you can go influence 30,000 people. And you could say, Hey, this, this fucking asshole, this guy Sean over here said he would, said he would not, he would loosen the tax on ass farms. He would loosen all the export tax on asses. I'm over here, Dick Mashant's on you that he didn't. Sean has increased the ass tax. Sean went to Washington and he doubled the ass tax. Did you know about that?

And they would say, I didn't know about that. Is it true? And I'm saying, well, who do you believe? There's no time for information. There's no, there's no, who do you believe me or you believe Sean? And they're going to say, I believe Sean. I don't think you did that. I'm going to say, next house. And I'm going to go house by house to 30.

I'm going to get my little crew of mega men. I'm going to get my crew of dickheads to go house to house and say, Hey, Sean raised, he doubled the ass tax. He doubled the ass tax vote for dick. I'm going to cut that ass tax in half. You can farm all the ass you want all day, export that ass, export that ass. Deregulate it. Deregulate that ass. That's what I stand for. That's my platform. And the next person is going to go, well, I believe you. Maybe I'm a fucking idiot, but I believe you.

And then Delaware will step in. Sean, it was a perfect system. 30,000 people. That's all you got. That's all you got to influence to get them in there. But then they fucked it up. They fucked it up by saying, uh, instead of, instead of cutting it off and making new representatives, we're just going to grow your district. Well, how much you're going to grow it? Oh, well, just you wait and see how much power do you want? That's a better question. Not how big the district's gonna be. How much fucking power do you want? You want 100,000 people? 500,000. You want a million?

You want four million people and you're fucking, how are you supposed to influence four million people as just one guy? If your congressman is so fucked and so corrupt and doesn't give a fuck about you. How are you supposed to convince four million people that you're right? You can't do that. I can't do that. I can't go knock on. Now we got Sean, the millionaire congressman representing four million people. Four million people know your name.

I'm knocking on doors. Hey, this guy Sean, he's actually not only has he doubled the ass tax, but he has made it, he has introduced spying laws to make it legal for the NSA to appear right up your ass. Every ass that you farm, the NSA now has a tap into. Yeah. So they can tap your ass. And I'm saying this and they're going to say, Sean is my congressman.

He's a very important man. He's on TV all the time. Yeah, yeah. Who are you? You're just a lunatic. You're not on TV. You're not on TV ever. You don't represent four million people.

I mean, yeah, because there should be 20 people. Why do you think every congressman has 10 people in their support staff? Because their district is too fucking big. Yeah. So we're going to Philadelphia. Yeah. I think on tax day. and their support staff because their district is too fucking big. Yeah. So we're going to Philadelphia. Yeah.

I think on tax day. Yeah. It's going to be the taxation is theft. Right. The taxation is theft road rage. And no, that'll be the theme of that. And no, excuse me. No ass cams.

No ass cams. No NSA. We're going to defund it. It's going to be NSA free. All right. That's my road rage update. Okay. Did you know that, by the way? That's the first amendment.

That's the first amendment? No. First amendment? I did not. Congressional district size amendment, the first they call it, because it wasn't ratified. Second one, money.

Price. Yeah. That's salary cash. That's salary cash. That's salary cash. I usually know this kind of stuff. This kind of almost, you know, not useless trivia, but that's one, they, I don't remember ever hearing about that in school.

What is a libertarian? That's where he see where it's. They're gonna applaud his coming acts. I know. I know exactly what those motherfuckers were doing. I know where every step of the way, how they fuck does. All right. Here's the, here's a, here's an old classic.

Consuelo is in here. Oh, no. Previews Liam con suelo spot. Previous Liam, con Swallow's podcast. Tomorrow I have to train this Armenian ball guy. He wants to start to do some gardening. But I don't know. He seems like a fucking pussy to me. And now.

Okay. It's a telenovela. It's February 8th. 10.45 pm. I'm outside the house of the ball Armenian guy who wants me to teach him some gardening. Now I can see why. He hates crickets.

This place is a shit hole man. I come from Mexico. But I don't know. This guy creeps me out. Look, I'm gonna read some of his messages. Hey, what's up man, you coming? Yes Jorge, I'm almost at your place. I'll send you a message where I'll be outside.

Oh, cool buddy. Hey man, I know it sounds weird but do you have a girlfriend? Yes, I do Jorge. She's coming with you by any chance? Well, well she's giving birth right now so I don't think she can walk. But maybe I can call her up. That will be great, buddy. Just for you, no, it.

My girlfriend is here with me too. And she seems anxious for me in some more teenage young man. Hey, George, look, don't take this wrong. But I came here for the money. If I wanted to fuck, I would keep fucking that lady who was allergic to my burrito. I dealt with her cock of a husband in the past. I don't want to deal with another okay? Thank you, Madam Stereo. What about it? Come down. Oh, don't get your penis in a twist. Anyway, we're here waiting for you Just knock on the door

It's neckers and a twist. This guy is fucking nuts. I don't know There's nothing about this house. You're right. It's like something very bad You're trying to show off because you didn't know that I know I'm trying to show off. I'm trying to make good. I know you're doing I know everyone's doing all the time. I don't call them out, but I know what you're doing over there, Sean. You know, honestly, I didn't even correlate the two. All right, that's unconsciously possible. Okay. Wait a minute. I can feel the rage. Oh, the old fucking stats. I'm the out these more emanating from his walls,ating from his walls So I better record everything for you I mean

In case I do not return Even then you know you can find me at Patreon slash Consuelo's podcast Oh fuck no No Hey Gorge! Hey Gorge! You go slow next time. No. Hey, got it. Hey, got it. It'll... Oh, nice.

It's a fake door. That's a fake door for criminals. Yeah, it's good. Jesus. Thank you for joining us. Okay, that's the end of the Consuelo podcast. Okay, so he's done? No, that's this episode.

That's this episode podcast. He's really stretching it out. Yeah, he's noticing. Yeah, what an asshole. Get a little bit of... How could he stretch? He'd just say it. If you got something to say, he's not don't tease it out. Yeah, I know. Yeah, what an asshole. Get a little bit of stuff. How could he stretch it? If you got something to say,

stop don't tease it out for multiple episodes. Yeah, yeah. It's a scumbag. I've got somewhere to be. I don't want to be emotionally invested in this shit every once. Over months. Hopefully, maybe years. I mean, other people.

Okay, let me get, let me read this erotic story. Uh-huh. I'm going to read this erotic story. I'm going to deal with some extremely spicy. No, I'm going to read the erotic story. Okay. And then we're going to talk to Mad Cucks, and then I'm going to get Dustin on the line so we can talk about the bonus episode. How does that sound? bonus episode. How does that sound? Spicey! Very spicy. The DICK show presents Ebrotic Stories from Real Men. Oh, all right. This one's from Maddie.

Maddie M. Let me sum it up in one sentence real fast. He says, I made my mom sleep in a car so I could have sex with a woman older than her. Mm. That sounds erotic. Okay. Already, I know what I am. I with a woman older than her. Mm. That sounds erotic. Okay. Already, I know what I am. I'm a big dog. My purpose is to be the starring role in goofy sex stories.

And I want to experience as many as possible with as many women as possible before I die. Man, that's, you know, I don't know, I don't know anything about being 80 years old, but I got to think that's when you get there, if you have many erotic stories in your bank, you did it. You got something to be proud of. They can't take that away from you, you know?

They'll take everything else. They'll take, but you got to get a bank of erotic stories for yourself. A life, an erotic life. A life spent in the pursuit of sexual, of deviant sexual. You'll have stories and you'll have stories. Probably a few regrets, but mostly no. Yeah. At the time of this story, I was a 29 year old L.A. native living in Berkeley, Oakland.

I was house sitting for my aunt while also my mother was currently driving up to spend the weekend with the extended family. Since my mom is after all a woman, I figured it's going to take her forever to get here. So I imagine I have plenty of time after work to do whatever. I was driving by my usual barhands when it hit me. That primal, almost jet-eye clairvoyance that you feel in your loins, that you know, something will happen tonight. You know that feeling. you know what I tell you.

I follow my divining rod around a few bars, finally find a parking spot, that feeling is drive. I grab a whiskey, a cigarette, and park myself in the smoking patio and look forward to what kind of fish I reel in this time. I did not have to wait long when a very attractive older woman approached me and asked if she could take a seat.

Older women happen to be my specialty. It's one of my, one of my specialties, excuse me. And on a night like tonight, when I'm on my A game, I knew sparks were gonna fly. Man, that's true. You just, some nights you just know you are getting laid. Totally true. What is? That's totally true.

I don't know. It's like a mindset. It's like you just, I don't know. I hate that I don't slash slaves to our brains. I don't know. It's like a mindset. It's like you just, it's, I don't know. I hate that I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't give a fuck attitude. It is very strange how some nights, you're just on like all is right. Yeah. You can recreate that with that.

With that. But man, is it more effective when you just, yeah, you put out the vibe, right? Yeah, you just, it's, you're not even trying. Yeah. With some flirty chitchat. I found out she was 57 in Shones of Salon, three daughters, one grandson. Oh wow, these boys, he's going older.

He's going older. From an abusive husband who she still heavily resented. This is the key piece of information. That is a key piece of information. I never fucked a gilf before, and it's been on my bucket list. Now it's important to know it. I did not ask about the father.

A woman in this age will not fall for such tactics. Well, dad may be dead, but then she definitely wants to talk about him. Yeah. Because it's an appropriate at that age. She's gone. It's a little different than being 22 and dad's out of the picture. You have 57. You know what?

Give it a shot. I guarantee you, I guarantee you the same tricks work on women until they're 70. Because we do know one thing. What, she did have a father. She did have a father. And the same tricks work on us. The same, you know, you see,

like you don't see men who are 80, just said like, oh, that chick giggling over there in the short shorts, that doesn't work for me anymore. Yeah. Those sad tricks are beneath me of my learned age. I've evolved. I've changed not gonna happen. Instead, I asked about their ex-husband.

Oh, maybe that's probably good too. Results were surprisingly successful. Things were going great and got to the point in the evening where she invited me back to her place because she was going to teach me a lesson by tying me up and spanking me. I erroneously so thought this was just an icebreaker to go back to her place and fuck. We leave together in separate cars and I call my mom who had been blowing me up while I was working my magic.

Mmm, conk blocker. To which I hate being interrupted. I was able to convince my mother to wait for just a little while longer while I followed the woman who drove. I shit you not like any baby boomer with poor taste to red Miata convertible back to her spot in Berkeley. He's following this grandma home on the freeway going, oh my God.

He's gone 45 miles an hour. What I, is that, is that a turn on if you're in the order? Is it if you're into older chicks and they drive like a girl, baby, are you back there jerking off? Like, oh, yeah, bitch, leave that left signal on. Yeah, you do. You do great if they have like a crown Victoria and the the knitted blankets, the quilted blanket over the back seat

and the curb feelers in those springs. Oh, yeah, you're back there. Oh, don't, no, don't merge too far left. You stay in the right lane. Handicap placard. Oh, shit. Like a faded do caucus bumper sticker. Berkeley, right?

When I stepped in my heart sank and it turns out that the woman was legitimately intending on tying me up and spanking me because I'm a black belt bullshit or I was able to talk her out of it and go for my favorite part of these journeys. The Ron S. These Sacks. Despite her age, she was in fantastic shape. A body rare for girls even half her age. Wow. We get going. And I do what I dubbed the tour to France, where I like to do every position conceivable. Doggy style. We all know that one. Pile driver. A little bit more advanced. That's when you're you're up on your feet and she's on her shoulders on her back. Right? Legs up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll drive her. Yeah.

Yeah. Like wrestling missionary. I never heard of that one. The leg behind the head, et cetera. I'm sure everyone does it. This is where it gets weird. We migrate to the couch, and I'm really into it, about to finish so I can peace out when I bite one of her nipples, and she throws me off and is ready to really fist fight me. Jesus.

I've come to understand that women freak out anytime, anywhere, it's just life. So I calmer back down and we resume, fist fight me. Jesus. I've come to understand that women freak out anytime anywhere. It's just life. So I call her back down and we resume, but she makes it very clear to not bite her again. You got to do it again, right? How hard did he bite her? How hard do you think he better? I don't know, hard enough to where she didn't like it, I guess.

Oh yeah. Again, in which I almost immediately do it again. Okay. You have to. You have to. You have to. Did I say with the, when Barry called in with the threesome that as a man, it's more important to make the joke than, than even sex.

Like we will take sex over food. We will take, we will take sex over food. We will take drugs over food. We will take sex over drugs, I think, maybe. But we will take the joke above all else. I will go for all those three things are in a constant battle. Food, drugs, food getting high and sex. But the one thing, rain supreme, making that joke.

You gotta walk through that door. No matter what, it's like that door in Harry Potter where you die when you walk through. You're just, a man is sitting there and that's the joke door in the middle of the ministry of magic. It's not the door of death. It's the door of jokes. And you go, you look at it and you go,

uh, I gotta see what's on the other side of this joke. I gotta make this, like, yeah, but you're gonna die. You're gonna leave behind all this behind you. This sexual exploit, you're gonna leave it behind. Your career, people's esteem of you. You're gonna leave it all behind if you walk through that joke. And but every man is gonna sit there and go,

yeah, but I gotta, it's the joke to it. It's true, it's true. I gotta do it. That you can't stop. Yeah, I can't stop it. Maybe there's better people. Maybe there's better versions of you on the other side of that door. But I can't because I'll think about the door for the rest of my life.

Oh, anyway. Yeah. Sometimes you just gotta go for it. You just always have to do it. No regrets. I immediately do it again. The ensuing events I will never forget. She pushes me off like Superman and I have to take a step back to regain my balance.

She immediately curls up into the fetal position on the floor and starts bawling like a triggered abuse victim. Oh no, not another one of these stories, which probably isn't far from the truth. So I'm standing over this woman almost twice my age, naked looking down at her past my rock hard boner, while she's crying on the floor floor like she's in a lifetime special

I'm like a severe reaction It was a severe reaction and my first instinct is to fucking run I say well by better go assemble my clothes and put them on as fast as I can and I'm out of there before you can say anything I do my insane bolt impression down the street to my car and as I peel out Back toward the house. I was supposed to chasing him and slipper is with a rolling pin. Yeah. A bathroom. Yeah.

Curlers. Curlers in doing a Catherine Hepburn impression. Cause she's that old. I noticed that it's 4 a.m. It dawns on me that my mom has been waiting for me to let her into the house for four to five hours now i reflect all my god i reflect on how unfortunate it is i didn't get to climax

but at least i'd drink all the liquor the woman had in her house as i pull up i see my mom sleeping in her car. I wake her up, letter in the house. I barely get all the way into the bed before I totally black out. Thanks for listening. There's more where that came from. But in the meantime, remember kids,

if you don't do anything in your life, definitely don't be like me. I've been listening to your words. Oh God. That's such a terrible feeling when you realize you fucked somebody out of the house. Yep. Yep. I've done I host coach like that a couple times.

Yeah. Yeah. He got lost in the freeway. He gets lost a lot. He grew up here. Yeah. Guy doesn't understand the, I don't know what, like he grew up, he's like Charlie from all he's sonny and Philadelphia. He's like, he doesn't understand the freeways still't know what, like he grew up, he's like Charlie from always sunny in Philadelphia.

He's like, he doesn't understand the freeways, still. He misses a lot of off ramps. Yeah. I remember that. Yeah. And he doesn't know like where the town's beginning in. He grew up in like, on the docks and he only knows the docks area. Like he knows every single bar and he knows every nook and cranny in a mile of his residence.

Right. He could draw it like one of those autistic guys that they get who are like, who are like blind. They they act like Ray Charles, even though they're not blind. And they can just take a helicopter tour of Paris and then draw each detail. He can do that around his own residence. Yeah. But if you put him up in up in North Hollywood and you say, get to LAX, you know, I have no idea. Yeah, I don't know how to get there. Like, well, it's, it's not, man. I have to stop and look at the planes.

I have to stop and look at the planes. All right, let me get, um, we're talking about cooks. There's still there, yeah. Hey, mad cooks, are you there? Hey, yeah, I'm, I'm here. Okay, why did you want to call in? I just wanted to, uh,

what, your last episode, your last episode, your last episode, you were saying that that I was crying, you and your buddy, the backstabber, a serious cook, and I was crying. Yeah, I said the record straight. Oh, thank God.

All right. So you work, how hard were you crying? Is that what you want to tell us? No, I wasn't crying at all. Like a one or two. Oh, sorry. Hey, I left this fan on. Damn it, smart'm going to call you at all. Like a one or two. Oh, sorry. Hey, I left his fan on. Damn, it's more Mark.

Why did you know it's a fan with one? Smart Mark. They're shacked up together now. OK. OK. Is that better now? Yeah, it's fine. Yeah.

Sounds like that's better now. OK. So with the first opportunity, this college brought you by Candid Candid, the first two go for it. Oh, no. All right. Yeah, the free you by Candid Candidate. It's just a peaceful period of... Oh, no. All right. Yeah, the free speech alternative Candidate. Yeah, go ahead and visit that and give me some money.

That'd be great. Yeah. So, let me just set the record straight. On the cry. I didn't cry during the recording of the last episode of the biggest prominent universe. Yeah. I can't even cry.

Anybody who knows me knows when I was 11 years old, I was experimenting with trying to get night vision. So I took one of those breaking shake glow sticks and I tripped the liquid in my eyeballs because I thought, hey, if my eyeballs light up, then that'll light up the night. I'll be able to see in the night as night vision. That makes sense.

It turns out that that phosphorus is really bad for your eyeballs. It's burning close to my crying holes in my eyes. So I can't even, I can't even, I couldn't cry if I wanted to. So you physically can't cry. That person can't cry. Yeah, but doesn't, can't you still like experience the hysteria of crying without tears actually coming out of your face? Because they're just because you can't physically create salt water out of your eyes, doesn't mean you can't cry. You can like little children can cry and then they're out of tears and they continue wailing and screaming.

What a stereo. Are you coming? A little children? This is slander. That's ridiculous. Yeah, but you still could be crying i've no that i i definitely would not be crying there is a why would i cry you know i was moving on to bigger and better things i got my greatest

debates in the universe i got the bonus content yeah i i don't i don't do it if there was any kind of crying it was tears joy but it fits the it fits the irrational agenda that hysteria's is put forth where you'd be crying, declare me dead, and then not thank me at all in the last episode. Doesn't that make sense? You know, I just want to say that this source is Astereos' coconut. I mean, the guy has coconut's nose.

It's part of his last name. Like, he got dropped out of his mind. He has no idea what's going on. He goes on YouTube and does livestreams. That's all of 45 minutes. Like, oh wow, that was real fast. Thanks for the 45 minute livestream Like, oh wow, that was real fast. And thanks to the 45 minute live stream of Stereo.

I stream for two hours, two hours at a time. Yeah, Stereo's went on YouTube and he live recorded a Christmas album. Yeah. He's gonna be here next week. Yeah, yeah, I heard about this. All right, well, I don't know, Mad Cux. Is your explanation of dumping glow in the dark water

in your eyes, and that's why you can't't cry doesn't make a lot of sense to me i think think about it dick this is a this is a man who puts his p-hole who shits and leaves why would you not believe that i don't phosphorus into my eyes to have night vision and the possible explanation i guess that does make sense i'm a scientist

yeah i'm trying to solve things with science here. All right. Well, then I guess maybe you didn't cry. I don't know. Yeah, didn't cry. Record is now set straight. You're welcome. Okay. Thank you for calling in, Meg. Yeah. Okay. Hey, you saw no. If you ever want to hang out, you know, just shoot me a text or whatever. No. All right. That's enough of that. Goodbye. That's. Bye, Mad Cooks. All right, do I have? Oh man. I mean, you know, that night vision thing that he came up with, it's not a crazy idea. Well, it is crazy, but crazy has been normalized

because of Maddox. Like it, I might try it. You might try dumping glow in the dark sticks in your eyes. I don't see that well at night. I've gotten that. He probably just, he dumped them in his, in his tear holes.

What did he call it? He's on I just realized I Got some of that glow in the dark shit in my eyes at the party of that same Bar Mitzvah I was talking about at the beginning of this episode. Did you really I was fucking around with a glow stick like it would they had all this You know stupid party shit, rave shit, except it's for kids, so it's okay. And I was flinging around a glow stick. It broke, got all over my hands, and I accidently, I didn't know it was bad for you.

So I wiped it across my face, because it was all over the place, and it was instantly paralyzing. Really? Yeah, like that. Burned like hell, and I couldn't even over the place. And it was instantly paralyzing. Really? Yeah, like that. Burned like hell, huh? Burned like hell and I couldn't even open the eye. I had my eyes burned before, but I flushed it out with water or something?

I was stumbling around like a glow in the dark zombie looking for my mom. Thank God my erection had subsided by the... Yeah, yeah. So my mom found me and we got into the bathroom and wherever it was, I forget where the where the bachelor or where the where the bar mitzvah party was, which she got me in there and then, you know,

did the eye flushing thing. It's a bad day for me. Yeah, how to control directions, phosphorus, and the eyeballs. Let me see if I got anything else before we get to the test in bar mitzvah. Oh, let's do, you know, I'll do these. I'll open some presents after the voicemail.

All right, I got a shitload of voicemail to go through today, but I do. Okay, okay, let's have, let's do the autopsy. Dustin, I got Dustin on the line. Hey, what's up, dude? Hey, what's going on? He's alive. Not a good week for you, huh? No. Not the line. Hey, what's going on? He's alive. Not a good week for you, huh? No, no,

not the best. Okay. What that seemed like such a simple bit, get people who need life coaches help or who who think they might be potential life coach co-cheese or players, I guess. Who does a coach advise? Players. Get coach and a new player. He needs some protégés. I like protégés. You like protégés. Okay, fine coach, a protégé. And I attack someone to develop.

It seemed like such a simple idea. Someone to develop. I said, hey, he does then. See if you can get, see if you can get some people from, this would be a fun idea. See if you can get some people from Facebook who want to be, who would make good protegeys. And hey, let's make it a contest, right? Because everything is a contest.

I forgot to say that at the beginning. Can you add it that in? Everything is a contest. Let's get some people to compete over who will be coach's pro de jay. And I gotta say, right off the top. Sounds like a great idea, right? Where do we end up? Couple days later, is a man calling into the show,

Frank the Tank, who I have nothing but compassion for. I don't know anything about his life, but for God's sake, I don't want, I don't, he, there was a moment of genuine terror where we thought, oh, you thought Frank the tank was going to kill himself live, yes, where I thought he was not coming back, yes, because he talked to, we took, we took the call. He was the final contestant in the coach game, game. I say, I said, it sounds crass to call him a contestant, doesn't it? Well, you know, what do we call him?

Well, I mean, the final interview, we, yeah, what should we call him? It doesn't matter. I'm just saying hindsight. You're like, no, it seems incredibly crass. That's what that's the problem. like right after we did the episode, I got a piece of mail that was like, dude, fuck you for exploiting that. And I'm like, I didn't fucking know.

No way. Okay, let me tell you, so that's what happened. Totally in the dark. Totally in the dark. And right after the episode, similarly, because I knew when it happened that this was not the intent of the episode. I said, Dustin, did you know that that was, like, was that the, was this some kind of a really fun, like black comedy? What, what, did you know that that was gonna,

and I, so I'm gonna ask you, Dustin, I already know the answer, but did you know that Frank was gonna talk about that? So let's start at the beginning. No, no, no, give me a yes or no on the Frank part first. 50, 50. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That's the only way I can answer, because in the in the post for the thing, he did mention the fact that he had tried to commit suicide in the past.

Oh, in the past. In the past. I talked to these people the day before and everyone seemed like they were in the right mindset. The next day, Frank that we got on that phone was not the same Frank that I talked to the day prior. So you did talk to him and you, well, let me ask, here's a much simpler question. Did you think he was going to drop that bomb on the show?

No, I had no idea that he was gonna go into that. And I didn't realize that he was that disassociated with his state of where he was currently at. Well, you know, and I do wanna let everybody know that I have talked to him since then, and he's okay, he's all right. Okay, tell him that we are his accountability. I don't wanna make, I don't wanna be too glib about it,

but like, I don't know what, because we don't want to be too glib about it, but like I don't know what to, because we said get help. We said get help. But I don't, like, I don't feel a real great telling people that get help. Like what the fuck is, does that even mean? Well, you just kind of encourage them to get help means go see a person qualified to help you in your mental state. And then, and then you can do like, then you go and how, what do you judge them on if they're qualified to judge you? Like mental state. And then you can do. Like then you go and what do you judge them on if they're qualified to judge you? Like I've never been to a shrink.

Well, so I'm asking you, like how, I'm asking anybody. Well, here. It's a never ending succession of people who felt like, what does it feel like to go to a shrink? Different depending on whether you click with them or not. I've been to four mechanics and I end up with a zip tied together car.

You understand, you can zip tie my brains together? It's a lot of bad, there's a lot of bad therapists out there. I would draw a lot of that, usual most. Maybe, I mean, I don't know about most. I don't know, it depends on the person. I've been to one therapist and he got disbarred for molesting a patient allegedly. His name was Dr. Fucking Phil.

I've been to exactly one therapist. And I had a bad experience. Bad experience. By the way, let me do a quick, go ahead, go ahead. I was Dr. Fucking Phil. I've been to exactly one therapist. Bad, I had a bad experience. Bad experience. By the way, let me do a quick, oh, go ahead, go ahead. I was going to say a therapist, a good one will tell you that you should be interviewing them a little for the first few, it's like if they're not supposed to, you're not supposed to feel weird or threatened. They're in there trying to get more sessions out of here.

Let's stretch this. I know about stretching out. What I'm saying is, what I'm saying is don't be afraid to leave one. If the vibe isn't right, right away, find somebody else. I mean, how do you do that when you're in that state though? It's difficult. It's difficult.

It's whole, fuck man. But all I know is that you, me, or coach are not qualified to help him with the problem. Well, let me start. Let me encourage him to go to find somebody who is. Let me skip straight to this. And this is the easiest, this is the most difficult and the easiest thing to say in the world. I fucked up. I, I, I apologize to everybody who was unsatisfied with that bonus episode. And they are legion. There are

a lot of people who thought it was good. There are a lot of people who are interested in it. Yeah. And who, who like to see something different and kind of understood that we did not see that coming. Well, that was real shit right there. I mean, oh my fucking god. And you know I'm down for real shit. Yeah, yeah. If you didn't like it, if you're one of the people

who didn't like it, and I know there's a lot of you, I apologize for it, it's all my fucking fault because it's my name on the show, it's my face on the show, it's all my fault. It doesn't matter who did what, it's all my fault. Right after the show, Dustin said that the bit should be axed, that we did. And my feeling is, my thought on this show is nothing gets axed because it's all really happening. Like, that's what I hated about the old show and the fallout

is that all of this, all of this genuine material. And by the way, we have, we have uncovered the actual real conversation that took place where I, that made me accused of being a rape appellate. Yes. That's real. We have that now. And when you listen to it, I don't sound nearly as bad. It would be hard to make the claim that's been made about me in the past. But my feelings are I don't let Sean cut himself out for fucking up, which you've done. I don't let other, like I don't let Astereos cut himself out for fucking up. So I don't let me cut myself out for fucking up. I mean, that's kind of the, that's the nature of the show. The bonus episodes to me

are a bit of an experiment. Like we can do a bonus episode where I just tell an hour long story about being on Dr. Phil, tell a big story about being on Tyra. Um, next, well, we can experiment a little bit. We can play around with it because that's the beauty of Patreon, right? People subscribe, pay a little bit of money, supports the show, and we can do these bonus episodes. I will say this, it's a very, it's a very easy decision just to do another bonus episode. I mean, forgot, people were dissatisfied. They're talking about pulling their funds because they were dissatisfied with the episode. And I'm saying, guys, listen, listen to me, listen to me, listen to me.

I remember what it was like when nobody wanted to hear me. Us, Sean, Sean and I would try and when we were in our 20s, and we had a band together before I'd ever written word one on menorbedorthanwomen.com. We would drive down to our rehearsal studio, half hour, 40 minutes, both ways. To practice, we played piano in the drums, we'd sing our set, we'd practice our set, we'd practice covers. We would do this four times a week, five times a week. It was fun. It was fun. It was a blast. And all our only hope was that someday someone would want to hear what we were doing. Yeah. Because we were having fun doing it.

And that's our, that's our, that was our biggest dream that somebody would want to hear it. We started doing shows and people would come out. You know, they heard it on MySpace Music. Sure. Remember that? MySpace Music. We had a bunch of, we had a bunch of Zazzy shit all over our,

our bands profile, a bunch of big, big kissy lips. Big glittery, glitter soaked kissy lips. We had it all over the page. People would come out. It's the greatest feeling in the world. I have two guys come out and they're sitting there after the show and like, what the fuck are you looking at? And the guys like, oh, we came here just to see you guys play. Like, oh, what? That's great. Like the thrill of somebody coming out just to experience the fun that you were having as a pair. You know, it's not a, you know,

it's a different thing, a live show. And I feel like the show is the same way. So if people want another episode, for God's sake, easiest decision in the world, we'll do another episode. Asterios is coming out next week. We're gonna do another motherfucking episode. No problem at all.

In fact, I already know what we're gonna talk about. I'm gonna tell the story of the live show. I'm gonna tell the entire story of the biggest problem in the universe live story from start to finish. Not for any, not out of any malice just because it's an interesting story and I think people would want to hear it. And then a stereo and I are gonna talk for a little bit and we're not gonna do, we're not gonna throw any curve balls.

Because people don't like curve balls. You know, you tell them in advance, it's just gonna go haywire. They're more forgiving than if you just spring it on them, right? You just spring that call on them, and that, if you listen to the bonus episode, you can palpably tell,

I got sprung on us. That got sprung on us. So, Dustin, that's the first question I had for you, was was it sprung on you and what the hell happened? What happened with that bit in your opinion? Well, in my opinion, I think what the problem was was, one, it was like a last minute thing that we did. We decided to do that what Thursday night.

Yeah. For a Sunday show. We had two days to get that posted, get everybody in on it and then figure it out. Yeah. Okay. I think there was one that was just a clear lack of communication. It was last minute. It was last minute. You didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. We were trying to figure it out. Lack of communication between you and us. Oh, between you and I. Yeah. Okay.

And then also, also too, I the from me to the group as well I think all around because when the show came when it came time to be you kept asking about a question What's the question? What's the question? Yeah, we never talked about a question It was it was you wanted the the life story you wanted their their situation for coach So well, I was I was confused on that end. Yeah, is there a musical going on in the background? Are you watching door the Explorer episodes over there? That much in the past. I am a fan. I'm by myself with my kid in my wife's at work. So I'm trying to try to multitask care. Okay. Um, so I think it was just a miscommunication

I miss communication. Okay. None of us saw that coming. People are kind of upset that after it happened You said Facebook goofed up. That was a joke. Okay. That was a joke. That was a joke. All right. Yeah. I'm looking at the ad that was posted on Facebook. Are you a sad sack?

A complete and failure perfect we can help. The Dixiel wants to give one lucky fan. Coach is personal advice. Take under his wing. Comment below with how shit your life is and why. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I could have communicated this to you better that this was a

That this was a bit of bad, but I'll take I mean I'll take responsibility for it It was a horrible shitty bit. I feel bad for what happened. I'm glad that Frank's okay I didn't realize he was in the state he was in he didn't he wasn't he didn't see that way beforehand Yeah, and I've been like basically He didn't see that way beforehand. Yeah. And I've been like, basically, like I've been fucking like still upset about it because like I feel bad for the dude, you know?

Yeah, you're upset after it happened. I remember you text thing. So. Okay. Well, there's another, first of all, I gotta ask you something else too. Someone came to me and said that they got the understanding somehow from you that this was supposed to be a prank on coach.

No, that's not what I said. See, that's the thing. All these people, they fucking, you say one thing and they manipulate it, they twist it, they make it into their own thing. What I said was, if anything, the only funny part of the entire bit was how unprepared and underwhelmed coach was for the situation because of how insanely serious it was. Okay. Okay.

This is why I like having everything out in the open. This is why I think everything should be out in the open for everything because it's very difficult to understand people. You know, you talk to somebody you've known for 30 years and you look in their eyes and you just never know, do you get what I'm saying? Do you get what I'm saying to you right now? Or you're saying,

there's always a self-protecting agenda there to some extent. Like even you, Sean, and look at you. Yeah. And I see you looking at me. Never know what I'm thinking. No, I know you have a me in your head that is me, to you. But it's not the same me that I have in my head.

No, probably not. It's not. It's a different guy. It can't be actually. No, it can't be. It can't be at all. Makes me very angry. Makes me very angry about that.

I want to get in there and control it. Right. I want that to be me. Oh, that's why I get so, you get so angry. When you get it's people are misunderstanding. You're like, no, listen to me. get so, you get so angry when you get it's, people are misunderstanding. You're like, no, listen to me. Let me show you. Let me show you.

I'm a good person, right? You scream at them. Okay, Dustin, but we've got, we've got some other, we've got some other issue that we got to talk about. Dude, there's so much shit. Well, there's, I think I've got a solution. Oh boy.

I think I've got a solution. I've been thinking a lot about Darth Star Wars and Darth Vader recently for some reason, there's a there's a rift There's a giant there's a giant rift between the Reddit and the Facebook, but more importantly There's a big rift between the Patreon and the Facebook and Dustin Dustin people are are are endlessly hammering you Do you want me to read some of these, let me read some of these comments that I've got. I was thinking about doing a video

with I reading some of those. I ask the, I don't think that's it. Look, look, look, do you know what I honestly, this is what, this is as honest as I can be with you. I think that bit showed me that the best person in need of a life coach is you. And I don't mean that, and I don't mean that as an insult, but I think that when coach was talking

about what made him a great life coach, and he was saying taking a ton of energy and giving it a nudge in the right, and what he sees is the right direction, I honestly think out of all the people involved in that bid, the person who most fits the bill is you. Because you've got a ton of energy.

You got a ton of energy and you have, you have the focus aspect of it. Is that what you're the directional aspect of it? It's wild. Like not, not, not one day after that bid, Dustin pitched me an idea for a podcast just to kind of get, get an idea of it. Like the guy has a tremendous amount of energy to do what he does moderating that group. But I'm not making a claim on whether that moderation is, you know, I'm not making any kind of claim on the moderators.

It's just, it takes a ton of energy. Takes a ton of energy for you. So, so I'm going to tell you flat out, I don't think it's a good idea to do a video of the haters. I'm going to, which I'm going to read some flat out, I don't think it's a good idea to do a video of the haters. I'm going to, which I'm going to read some right now because they're funny. BESWC, the first half of the show was genuinely excellent. The second half was like looking into the mouth of a mask grave. Cool.

Trannies and so you hit peak Dustin. Yeah, Dick is good. Dick is great because the, behead those that praise Dustin. It goes on and on like this. So I've got a plan. I've got a, I mean, the livestream chat. I've got a plan for you. I've got a plan for you.

Remember, it's based on Star Wars and Darth Vader because Darth Vader is supposed to be the unifier of the force, right? Remember that? He was supposed to bring balance to the force. I do remember that. Not Terry to Sunder, not rip it up, not scream no, because he knocked up a lady, right? This is what, this is Darth Vader

was supposed to bring balance with. I want you, I want you as a life, as an exercise in this community, because I don't think, I don't think sinking in to the role of a guy who gets abused and beat up is good. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't want that. I don't, I appreciate all the work you do

and all the energy you have. And I don't want that to happen to you. And I think it's that to happen to you. And I think it's easy to do. I think it's easy to sink into that role where everybody just shits on you and you kind of take it and internalize it and make jokes out of it, but it's not good.

It's not positive. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. No, I do. I do. So this is what I want to happen. And I think this is going to be like a sabbatical. Do you know what a do you know what a sabbatical is Sean?

Do you remember it's like the last episode of quantum leap when Sam Leaps into the Al's bar. He leaps into him his own body There was no leaping into anybody else's body in that episode which is Sam Just Sam walking around. I'll try to figure out what's going on in the bartender that fat ass with the funny mustache says, Sam, you're on a sabbatical. This is a sabbatical where you grow. You grow and then you grow and then you become more powerful. Sam became an angel.

Remember, he was controlling his leaps the whole time, Sean. That's what Al told us. He said, Sam, you're on, you brought yourself here, because you're ready to evolve into something bigger. That's what this was. It was, it was, it was a pause in the leaping. So you could, so you could take a moment for yourself and figure out how to control yourself. And then he immediately fixed Al Sam immediately fixed Al and it wrote it. Erase the entire series because he went to Beth and said, Al's coming home. Don't leave him fixing Al's dissexual dysfunctions.

So then what happened? What happened in the show? What was all the entire show? All those jokes about all those banging broads that I'll ever do any of that? I don't know. I don't know, but there was a great ending. It's a great ending. Climbing. Dustin, I want you to go on a Reddit sabbatical

where the next time you call in, because I don't want this division between the forces. The next time you call in, I want it to be with a bit that Reddit has approved. What do you think of that? Well, look, this is my last time on the show. Don't say that! I don't think that's gonna happen. How is Reddit ever gonna approve of anything that I do?

Comedy is the great unifier. If it's funny, it's funny. Is that not true? Great unifier. That is true. That is apps. Both the black panthers and the Ku Klux Klan can watch that sketch of Dave Chappelle being the blind, uh,

race KKK KKK guy. Both of those groups will laugh. Both of those groups will say, you know what, that's a funny bit. Can't deny it. Can't deny it. That's a funny bit. So what you're asking Dustin to stay off Reddit? Is it? No, I'm asking Facebook. I'm asking him to get a, get a bit approved by Reddit. Oh, yeah. But you said, I think you said, take us a badacle from Reddit. But that, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, from just the hate that he's enduring on Facebook. You see what I'm saying?

Like he's, Dustin's on Facebook and people are, you know, they're telling, they're part of this specific type of humor, but it has a negative aspect that I don't want on him. You know what I'm saying? Like you can go to Facebook and say, well this was it and it's fine, but so many other people disagree. Because it's insular, it's a bubble.

And I want to break the bubble. I want Dustin to grow and to understand that side of it. Does that make sense? Do you think that's crazy? No, because I think he's capable of doing that. Exactly. I think he can come up with a bit that, like you said, funny is funny. Funny is funny.

Funny is funny. Yeah. There's a broad scope of people. They may not agree with you politically or whatnot, but they might just hate you. They might just hate you because they don't like the way you sound. Yeah. You know what? It's funny.

It's funny. And I'll tell you this, the beautiful thing about Reddit, you're anonymous. You don't have to go in. I mean, look, the rules are approved. So you go in there as Johnny 20 Cox, you pitch a bit, massive approval. What if it was Dustin? It's all in, that ball is in your court, my friend. Does that make sense?

Yeah, I mean, well, it's gonna take some time to think about it, but. Well, let's go and give it a shot. You willing to give it a shot? Yeah. Okay, we need some healing here. I don't like people, I don't like just, you know, people pilot, click, pile on, click all you want because he's a fucking asshole.

But, but Dustin's just a guy. He's just a guy. He's got a wife and kids, you know? Yeah. He isn't, I don't, I don't like to see, I don't like to see, I don't like to see guys like that getting just tons of shit. Shit on me. That's my fault.

I did it, I did it. But this is the way we're gonna grow from it though. Does that make sense? I don't understand where it all comes from. You know what I mean like that? Just that, like what did I ever do to the Reddit? Do you have any idea? Do you remember what the fuck it was?

I think you're gonna find out. I think so too. I wanna express you shaking your head. Yeah. The hubris, right? That's what you shaking your head out. I think so too. One, express your shaking your head. Yeah. The hubris, right? That's what you're shaking your head at. It's friendship. Yeah, yeah.

I think you're gonna find out. I think we're gonna find out. And this will be a healing experience. It'll be good. We really made a breakthrough here. I hope so. But again, we're doing experiments on this. Last experiment didn't go too well.

I think this experiment will get better. Turns out suicide is sad. You know what, you know what, my biggest regret is? What? Not telling that guy, not telling Frank to hang around. Oh my God. You know, it's been haunting me all week. Oh my God.

Like Frank, after the whole like Frank, Frank buddy, tell it, you know. I'm not talking to you the rest of the episode. You gotta hang around. I'm done. I'm done. What else do you say? He's just a guy floating around tell it, you know, I'm not talking to you. The rest of us up is up and saying, you gotta hang around, hang around. What else do you say? He's just a guy floating around out there, you know?

It's like a, just a guy, 10s of 1000s. Like, all right, Dustin, are you okay with that? Yeah, no, I'm all right, but you know what I think I'm gonna do? What? I'm gonna have to disappear for a while. What do you mean? You're gonna have to disappear and plan? I'm gonna have to write this shit.

Like, you know, you go on the jungle, you get like, you're off on your own, you're living on the wild, What do you plan? You're gonna have to disappear and plan. Okay. You're gonna write this shit. You go on the jungle, you get like, you're off on your own, you're living on the wild, writing bits. It worked for Captain Kurtz, right? Yeah. We didn't work for Captain Kurtz. We worked out pretty well. We worked out pretty well.

Yes, he did. Okay. All right. Keep us updated. You got the task. All right. Have, take it easy there with your kids and your music and stuff.

And thank you. Thank you. I do think it was on my fault a bit. All right, I've got one last thing. Here we go, here we go. Bill Butler, are you on? Perfect. You gotta unmute yourself, buddy.

Can you hear me? Yeah, there we go. Okay, I'm changing up the Rage Lottery as well. I'm doing a bunch of, we're doing different things. The Hedgehog podcast. So people had some issues with the Rage Lottery because it was, it was adversarial and the time was limited and stuff like that. So I'm gonna switch it up a little bit.

Can you turn off the speakers? Turn off your speakers, buddy. Oh, shit. Hold on. Okay, so now, I'm just gonna have, and if you win the Rage Lottery now, you just call in. Tell off your speakers, buddy. Oh, shit. Hold on. Okay. So now, I'm just going to have, and if you win the rage lottery now, you just call in, tell us what makes you rage. And I'm going to, I'm going to rage about it myself, because that was the Patreon goal. As it's, we're going to go literally, the literal interpretation of the law, literal interpretation, because that's always the best interpretation.

We all know that. All right. Bill Butlercker, why don't you introduce yourself first of all, give us a shout out. Okay. I'd like to say thank you, Dick, for having me on the show. You're welcome. My people, the Butlercker clan, have faced a lot of discrimination over the years for our last name. Okay. You've been rejected from jobs and I from colleges. Three like second-class citizens. All right. I would say we occupy a place in the social cast between the in touchables of India above us and the stereos coconut below us

Oh boy. It's telling that one of the food places I can get the time of days on a show that maintains a completely real rapeless Yeah, all right. Yeah, what makes you a rage that's enough Cars against humanity Good rage the game sucks that game fucking sucks that game sucks, that game fucking sucks. That game, they finally figured out a way, a way how to take bureaucracy and introduce it to house parties. Yeah. Fuck that game.

It's the democratization of cringe. They figured out, hey, buddy, can you mute your thing? You're feeding back. What's that? There, I think it's, it's muted, right? No, if you can listen in headphones. Fucking, cards against humanity. What was I saying?

It's the democratization of cringe. It is the, it is the single way to not only to completely destroy a party, but to give the, send the message to the world that nothing fun, it's nothing fun could ever possibly happen at this party. But what do you get, what is your favorite part about hanging around with a group of people is that you take the people who are the funniest and you get them to start hammering each other, right? Like when you get two sets of friends that introduce, that meet each other, what do you

think? Oh boy, I can't wait till, I can't wait till Sean and Ray Ray meet each other. I can't wait till the funniest guy in my group, Sean meets Ray Ray, the funniest guy in our group. They're going to be going at it all night. It's going to be the funniest fucking thing in the world. And then cards against humanity comes and goes, whoop, hold up. Not so fast.

See, at cards against humanity, we believe that every person has the right to be funny. Yeah. Not only can to be funny. Yeah. Not only can everyone be funny, but they can do it with flash cards. So you've got to flip over like a guess who, guess what? None of them are jokes. Guess who's funny? Absolutely nobody. You know, it's not like that.

What's that game? It's part of the, you don't know Jack series. Yeah. Where like you just come up with the answers. It's literally like who can make the funniest answer to a question. I fuck, I'm fucking it up. I don't know Jack series. Yeah. We're like, you just come up with the answers. It's literally like, who can make the funniest answer to a question? Fuck, I'm fucking it up. I don't know what the name of that is. Carthage is humanity is like, it's trying to provide funny.

It's an improv comedy game. It's an improv comedy session done in a language you don't understand because you just look at the cards and you, it's a guarantee that most of the jokes are not funny because they have absolutely nothing to do with anyone. No, they're just gross or non-sequitors or whatever, like where you're just like it's just random. It's the ultimate in meta random comedy. Bill, are you but liquor unmute yourself. We did his rage for. Yeah, but that's what I'm going to do from now on with the rage lawyer. What do you think? Well, I think you're exactly right because the game structure is exactly what you said. It's just a guy trying to play a noun in an edgy joke like Jennifer enjoys making classic

meals like fetal abortion suit. Hilarious. Nothing funny about that. It's just ridiculous. Fucking hilarious. The problem is that most people either outgrew these jokes at like 15 with their friends or they're so socially stunted, they think using the term black people

is breaking the social contract they've made with society and is therefore funny. Oh, my God, it said something that might be offensive, so I gotta meet you again. But your feedback is real weird, do you, Mike? Yeah, I hate that game. I hate that game. I hate that, fucking mom.

I hate games in general. You know that about me, but a couple of people have gotten me to play that one, I hate that, fucking monster. I hate games in general. You know that about me, but a couple of people have gotten me to play that one I was referencing, the whatever the fucking, you don't know Jack game, but it's the... You don't know Jack off. No.

It's a, yeah, it is. No, I can't remember the, it's like a, you know, it's a spin off of that game. And it's funny, but only if the people are funny. You know why cards against humanity is, because it's not a game. There's no game about it. Yeah.

It's just, because like a sports game, you move from one side of the field to the other, and then you win, because you did a better job, but cards against humanity is like, what do you guys all think is funny? Hey, let me, let me clue you in. That is wrong, because no one here is

the funniest here. Yeah. If everybody was the funniest here, it would still be wrong. Because there would be one who was the most funny, having a game that requires everyone to be the most hilarious person in the world is not a game. You win that game by being the most unfunny because there's no, it's impossible to make a joke. That's cards against humanity. Yep. I like it. All right, Bill, thanks for calling in. Your audience is a little f**king, so don't let you go.

There's been the Dix show. Thank you to the two one Express for stopping by. Go to thedixshow.com for more. Go to patreon.com, so I asked the Dix show to see to find out what we're talking about about this bonus episode that I still have PTSD from. Yeah. That has the greatest reaction gift I've ever seen. Did you see that? Somebody got on the stream, me hearing Frank

the tank, uh, tell us that he tried to hang himself on Monday. And I go, it's like a big reaction. Yeah. Very genuine reaction shot. Yeah. Of, uh, someone who thinks they're, um, not going to have a good rest of their day. Yeah. All right, go to patreon.com slash the dick show. For more information, I'm gonna get you information on the road, rage tour as soon as possible. I think I'm going to try as hard as I can to do tax day, tax day, tear, taxation is theft

in Philly, April 15th. That would be great. Yeah. We're gonna end on a rap remix outro. So rap remix by left-handed Jesus. Everyone knows the right-handed Jesus. This is the left-handed Jesus. Okay, see you next Tuesday. Alright.

No, I ain't gonna play shit, I'm gonna fucking faint this. Corresponders into soup is all up in the basement. My bags are sand, I ain't shit. These references are aimless, and when I'll lose subscribers, y'all I'll make that shit as painless. Thirty thousand dollars, and I got myself a site. Working on that pie can't be rack up on my side. We're gonna be myself, y'all, I'm the fucking best.

You is the point of view, I put it to the test. But this is all you should know, cause the news came slow. Well, I was sitting crying to my friend a stereo, Said the end of a show, after being done to blow, From this motherfucker dick and a girl I used to know, you'll need addition to mere template And they do me like that I was still into that chick, but I'm a girlfriend's bag And it's not like I'm crazy, I just wanted you to know

Polly Emory was lost, but you got to dig, show to dig Show to dig, show to dig, show to dig, show to dig, show to dig Show to dig, show to dig, show to dig, show to dig You're a genius. So I used your dad's line on the shick back when I was down in San Jose and worked beautifully. You got to gauge the situation correctly. Don't be a f**king asshole about it. You can't just walk up to a chick and be like, hey, how's your dad? What's up with your dad? No, you got to finesse your way into the conversation and then Flip it in there, you know, hey, oh hey, well, you know, I

You know worked example of how Just let me play again because you hey, well, you know, I as you are as you should with your dad. There you go worked beautifully with this chick. Just she was like opened up immediately. And, uh, gotta lay it that night. So there you go. Thank you, Dick.

Every time you, if you do it right, you are America's with man. Thank you, buddy. Thank you. Everybody thinks you just walk in with that one, but it's like a golf tip. You don't just like, you don't... Gage and someone with it.

Yeah, you get, you use it, you use it when you're out of other things. To use it, you use it when you're backed into a corner. Oh, gotcha. You know, like you get a golf, you get a golf tip, you've been golfing for a long time. Yeah. You know how to get on the course. You know how to drive the ball down the range.

You just can't, you don't know how to get from a four stroke to a three stroke. Part of the straight strokes. Yeah, you try to straight strokes. This is what you keep, you can't get out of the sand. You got into the sand, but you can't get out. That's what it's, that's what you say. You gotta learn the right technique.

You gotta know how to use the tool. What's your dad like? When you stuck, You don't come in with it. Yeah. That's when you come in with the shoes line. I think that's obvious. Take you know what makes me rage driving someone around is a big fucking pussy. I'm in the driver seeing you riding shotgun. I mean, I'm in control. And if you don't trust me to be in control, then get the fuck out or shut the fuck up. True. I don't need someone telling me to slow down all the damn time.

I've been driving for a long while now and I've been doing a pretty god damn good job of it. Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about. Still alive. I'm driving my wife across town. We're on the interstate and a car comes up the entrance ramp right beside us. My wife will immediately... Woo! I hate that! Bitch, I've got the fucking right beside us. My wife will immediately. Oh, throw the house out!

Bitch, I've got the fucking right of way. If I slow down the shovel that car and it will still be in the same position we were, but we just slow down the flow traffic for everyone else on the fucking road. Everyone else. And as soon as I hear that cat, my adrenaline gushes like a fucking fire hose. If i think start to tell me that we're about to i see that we're not about to die i bet that that is written in terms from fear of death to instant rink

we're going through an intersection and the car coming up from the right pulls out a little too far that doesn't mean it's okay to scream like fucking great digger just launched over the car in front of us. The best land in our goddamn land. And now I'm screaming to, I think that it's what the fuck? Yeah, cut him off. Yeah. You think you just cause us watch the bitch all the time?

Yeah. Like I think most men, the way they talk about their wives is the exact same way they talk to them. Uh, is that, you don't think that's true? I don't know. You don't think that's accurate? Hey, bitch, you want to take the kids over to the park? I, uh, I went to see, you know, bitch, you want to take the kids over to the park? I went to see...

You know, bitch, it's so-and-so's birthday tomorrow. I went to... What is that John Singleton movie with Ice Cube? Boys in the hood? What is that? He's at it. I think it was Boys in the hood where he's doughboy. Critically acclaimed.

Boys with Vince Fishburn, is it? I don't know Ice Cube. I don't know Ice Cube, isn't it? Great, yeah. Great movie except that weird part in the middle where Lawrence Fishburn is talking about corporations wanting to steal black neighborhoods by artificially increasing their values so that the people have to get bought out of their own. Everything else about the movie is great except that bizarre middle part. After that movie, I couldn't, I wanted to see with 80s girl and I was on like a bitch kick for a week.

You want to see it? Yeah. What do you mean? I had never seen it before. Oh, you see, you just watched it. You made it sound like you went to a theater. I did. They were showing it for the anniversary thing.

Oh, oh, oh, yeah. And John Singleton was there. So John Singleton is there, you know, very respected director, young director. You want an Oscar for that, right? At least nominated or something like that. John Singleton is there giving like a Charlie Rose style interview introducing the movie and we just went because it's something to do. I've never seen it. She said it was a great movie. So he's talking about John Singleton is talking about

having met Lawrence Fishburn on the set of Peewee's Big Adventure. And me and 80s girl, both at the same time independently, kind of turn our heads to opposite side and go, woo, Peewee. Oh my God. We're the only ones in the theater like dead silent. And he just got like, we think we're at a, at a fucking fish concert. I don't know. I'm not even that sauce. But I hear, I hear Peewee's playhouse. Yeah. And I just go, my instinct is to go, woo, Peewee, and apparently hers was, it's just two assholes in the back on, woo, Peewee. And like a whole bunch of people like distinguished film

be like, what the fuck was looking all around and we're like, oh fuck, that would have been a much better if it was just one person doing it, but because it was both of us, it sounded like, it sounded like it was orchestrated. Yeah. It was too much. It was like, two different voices.

We were pee-wee. Oh, man. I felt stupid about that. Let's see. Hey, Dick, it's Earl Paltepic. Oh, great. What makes me a rage and also really sad for the rest of the world right now. Is this morning, I went into the safety meeting

because I was going to conduct this morning. I was safe to get it started. And I start to conference call the, yes, and I caught up in the, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no the safety show. I'm your host, Dustin, in third class name. See you next Tuesday. I'm thinking that's brilliant, right? Nope. So I go, I perform my duties, I come back from work,

and I am immediately escorted into HR, and I'm sitting next Tuesday. So I came up with, well, we have money off because it's president day. And of all years, we should have it off because we've got Trump in office. And I got written up. Yeah. So that makes me rage. It makes me really sad. And Dick, I'll see you next Tuesday. Here's the honor. Can you come in there? Come on, water. See you next Tuesday, boy. Oh, boy.

Let's see. Hey, Charlie, better not get ahold of that last one. Well, we don't know his name. He's just DP. DP. Holding the safety meeting. And opening it up with a yeah. A little spice into that meeting, forget it.

Keep the energy up. Dustin, you fucking nerd. You know you're a little lame. Friends down in the Facebook group. By the way, the Dictuo Facebook group. Why does it all just be called fucking R-Badanold? What? Because I would say 5% of the posts

are about the Dictuo. And if I leave the group, then 2% of the posts are of a lot of different posts. You and all your friends are all together and you fight a% of the posts. You and I, your family, go to friends. I hope you guys get to play a live on here in the phone at times. Buddy. And if I ever see you, I will sock you in the face.

And the training that you brought out. Oh, no. These aren't interesting people. There are a bunch of fucking autistic little spas little fucking idiots. That if I ever see a person, I will stick. I have no fear none

Everybody talks a big game on the show should call in and be even bigger Right like wrestling. Yeah, you know if I ever see you on the street I'm gonna take you and I'm gonna found a get an Uber and when the Uber comes I'm gonna put your head in the door and smash it in the door and then I'm gonna get an Uber and when the Uber comes I'm gonna put your head in the door and Smash it in the door and then I'm gonna riff I'm gonna give a five star review with my blood cut, right? Then I'll throw you in the Uber and I'll follow afterwards and I'll go to a hotel room and then I'll put in the app the garbage dump Because that's what you are the garbage dump, but not the good garbage dump I'm gonna Google search for the shittier garbage dump. You don't deserve to be in the the garbage dump, but not the good garbage dump. I'm gonna Google search for the shittier garbage dump.

You don't deserve to be in the good garbage dump. Right? Yeah. That's how it goes. Hey, Dick. This is Matt, a long time listener of the show and the old show. I'm catching up on watching some episodes on my commute back from work. And I saw the one where you have

fucking teach saliva as your co-host and cheese rally against like guys who be sitting down and all of you seem to be completely mind blown that never done it and like be sitting down yep now you I'm sitting down my Yep, now you. I pee sitting down. My mind is blown. Most of the time, I pee sitting up like a normal fucking dude, but there's some situations in which pee sitting down is actually good. Then for example, if you live with a girlfriend or a lady

or just have a female who lives in your house and you need to, and you share the same bathroom and you need to get up in the middle of the night to go, you know, take a pit of a huge fucking piss. Yeah, let's just say that when it's dark, when you're asleep being groggy, you tend to miss more and then, you know, you'll fucking wake up the next day, the next morning, and you just never hear the end of it from, you know, miss lady friends. So, to avoid that, in some of those situations, I just sit down and pee. That way.

Yeah, but that exact scenario is why we're making fun of it. Yeah. Because you got pitched out for getting pissed all over the place. That's the burn court. You fucked up. And now you're getting made fun of and shoot out as the nature of it. That's the nature of the making fun of, right? I've never been that groggy that I couldn't turn on a light switch. And basically aim my dick in the water.

Yeah. Unreboned that groggy. I've certainly in the water. Yeah. Unrebon that groggy. I've certainly been that drunk. Yeah. Two one, I remember you pissing on a coffee table. Remember that story? I'm not gonna tell that story, but really kind of, kind of, I won't tell it now.

Is there in the drop of piss like on the floor or anywhere it should be in the morning? I don't hear a fucking word about it, it's not my fault. Yeah. Yeah. in the morning i don't hear a fucking word about it not my ball yeah i know uh... yeah another thing that another reason repeating sitting down is while you're seated

uh... you might let out a few like really satisfying parts if you share a bed with said lady friend uh... it's better that you get that shit out like in the bathroom rather than can't work standing up or in bed with her. You know the one fart in bed. Mine's you said. No, but guys, she'll get pissed at her.

Peace will have a still big rage and to go fuck herself. No, but he's saying like you only fart when you're sitting down apparently. No, he's saying it's better to do it on the toilet than in bed. No, I know, but if he goes to the bathroom and he's pissing like he can't fart when he's pissing, I guess not. You see my, you see my argument. Yes, I do see logically. It's inconsistent because you can still stand up and fart. Everyone knows.

Yes. You can't stop it sometimes. Let's do two more. You know, dick man, you're not the problem. St's dusted. You overbown except the soda I suggest that you fire in live on air. Watch all. Ham and his little fagged fucking friends. Man, as you can on the show, watch. They're all they're all winning that fucking life collapse around them. Because this is the real see the anger. swore to God if you fire dust and live on air I am doubly my patient on donations let it never be said here this fuck you to Chelsea fuck you and and but you by the way every single person in Facebook group I can beat the shit out of it's not one person in the Facebook group I couldn't fucking beat the shit out of it. Yeah, one person in the Facebook group I couldn't fucking beat the shit out of it. Besides that lawyer guy, everyone knows I could fucking beat the shit out of it. Trust me. Believe it.

Believe it. Too much hate. Yeah, more destined. Yeah, there's a lot of a lot of venom. I think my plan will work today. What do you really think it will? Do you think that will work? Um, I think Dustin is going to kill himself trying to come up with the perfect bit. Yeah. And that's he'll stop himself, I think. He'll, you know what I mean? You won't do anything in the pursuit of trying to do, of trying to write the perfect novel your first time out, trying to everyone does that.

I did it. What do you mean? Yeah. Okay. I don't know. What do you mean? What do you mean? I I think it's gonna be hard for him to actually do it because of that. Because he'll be so gun shy, I think, of what from what you told him on air that I don't know. He's gonna be like, it's not good enough.

It's not good enough to get Reddit to approve it. That's good though. Well, a lot of absolutely. Absolutely. You know what I mean? High standards are great. Yeah. But it can also stop you from ever doing things, which is your problem.

Oh, yeah, I've definitely been guilty. I'm gonna figure out a way how to fix your problem too, Sean. Yeah. I think I just, I think I'm gonna fix Dustin's. Yeah. Fix you too. I do stuff. I show up here every week for something stupid reason.

Hey, Dick. Now we even hear a voice mail by me punching dust in the face. Oh boy. show up here every week for some stupid reason. Hey, Dick, not leaving you a voicemail by me punching dust in the face. But I need some guidance from you or a life coach, really anybody at this point. Because I can't really go to my girlfriend about this. But I have a potential to make some more money right now. I can't really work.

Do I? I don't make that much money out of work. I'm just going to say that. It's why question why stayed there so long there's like three smoking hot chicks that work with fucking really hot we got a red head and all tied it up there's a she did one of the batches she had a few jazz and I think you know she's one already been from boyfriend away from being vulnerable. This is the greatest description of the women that that he's around. This guy is a pro at describing no no hesitation, no pause immediate immediate picture in my mind

of what he's working with. All right. So how girls, but I got offered a full time job at men arts. Actually, but art is a Midwest story by tools and lawn mowers and shit like that I Don't know anything about cabinets and appliances So I'm not really qualified for this position, and I don't really like challenging myself So I don't really know where to go from it. I do I try to make more money and Has the possibility of having to like try to learn new skills and stuff in menards, which I don't really want to do I'd rather just drink and work the part time job

and barely get buying life and be able to hang out these hot chicks all day. So, I'll do that. It's kind of where I'm at, Dick. Hang out with hot chicks. Whatever he'd rather do is what you should do. Do that. I mean, if you're fine with that,

if you're fine with, like, just scraping by, but one day you might not be fine with just scraping by, and then you can change, yeah, change then. Don't, people always try to get you to change on their schedule. Yeah, that's true. You gotta do your own schedule, man.

That's true. Just, leave it out. But I'm pretty sure he could learn a fucking lawnmower line, right? I mean, how does, what do you mean, how to sell lawnmowers? Is that good? Yeah, I mean, like it's like, yeah, how many, how many different brands could there be?

That he, how many different models in each brand? And, you know, got your three and a half horsepower. It doesn't matter. The power is which one, which product is pro illegal immigration and which one is anti-illegal English? That's how products are sold now. Got it. You're not watching the Super Bowl? Did they have a boycott on leaf blowers then? No, no, no, no, this is serious.

All products, too. All products are gonna figure out that they're all exactly the same and they're just gonna start pitching themselves as whatever political platform. Well, that's being done. Yeah. That's being done. Because what is it matter if I drive a fiat

versus a Honda Civic? Same fucking car. I don't know if thrilled about driving, a mini or a Fiat, what are you driving? Doesn't matter. Yeah. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter which one you're driving.

So which one is... A lot of them are comparable, you're right. Which one is the pro wall car, and which one is the anti wall car? I saw a billboard that was all Fiat, all pride, no prejudice. Like what the fuck, what cars are prejudiced? Yeah.

What do you mean all, so you're talking about a company, right? I mean, But they're, all they were saying was we're the car for gay rights. Yeah. And I had never in my mind, it stuck out to me because I never in my mind equated a car

being pro or anti gay rights. I just thought it was a car. And these guys are saying we where the gay rights car? Yeah. Like, well, we're clearly, it's the Miata. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

Exactly. Well, where's the other rights car? You know, they sold, pieces of, they sold bracelets doing this, right? The scazes. Oh, sure. Where are those? Why don't they sell a car?

Yeah. Same thing. You just make it up your mind to buy some, buy some shit. All right. Anyway, see you next Tuesday. Why don't they sell a car? Same thing, you just make it up your mind to buy some, buy some shit.

All right, anyway, see you next Tuesday.