The Dick Show - Episode 39 – Dick on Santa Cuck

Episode Date: February 28, 2017

Download the MP3 If the moon landing was a joke, a plan comes together, DIY glow in the dark pee, Seder pranks, period boobs, Lent, “Santa Cuck: Bald Headed Lies” becomes immortal, the science of spite, the organ of shame, hot chicks making goofy faces, the lazy gods among us, Consuelo’s final podcast, beating Adele, … Continue reading "Episode 39 – Dick on Santa Cuck" The post Episode 39 – Dick on Santa Cuck appeared first on The Dick Show.

Yeah Yeah Yeah Welcome to dig you need to if you want Dig, you love Dig, you got it, it's the show. Where everything is a contest, I'm your host Dick Masterson. With me, as always, is Sean, the audio engineer.

Hello, Dig. Hey, what's up buddy, coming to you live, recorded, but live when we recorded it, from a concrete bunker, and the side of a mountain with us today is. Let me say this. Let me make sure I say this correctly and I don't stutter it because it's the first time anyone is going to say it.

So I don't want to screw it up. You know, I don't want to one small step for a man, one giant leap for a mankind, this quote, and then have to retroactively act like I said it, grammatically correctly, even though it doesn't sound as good, the grammatic way, and what's the point of language, but to sound pleasant and also convey an idea. Sure. So you didn't say one small step for a man, you said one small step for a man,

because it just sounds better. Leave it on, so don't, don't fuck up a bit, one of you just say it, let me calm down and say it. Joining us today, Billboard comedy album ranked, Asterios Coconose. Hey guys, how you doing? On, you know what this guy's up to?

I do. We are celebrating, you don't know, do you know what he's up to? When I. We are celebrating, you don't know, do you know what he's up to? When I say billboard chart topping, Asterios Coconut. Well, I know he's releasing a Christmas album. Oh, released, released, released. It's on iTunes.

And it's on the billboard charts, which we're gonna get into later. But this man is celebrating a victory. How often do you get to really celebrate a victory in life? When is the last time you really like, you very seldom, tiger woods arm pump victory. Yeah. Oh man, I sunk that one in so deep,

King Arthur is gonna have to come over and pull it out. That kind of victory, right? Yeah. That kind of, a stereosis celebrating a victory. It's the, it is the equivalent of if the moon landing had been a joke. Like if Neil Armstrong had, had got up there and just wrote, fuck John Glenn on moon. That's what Asterios has done.

And that's what we're celebrating today, which is Fat Tuesday. When this will go out, happy Fat Tuesday, everybody. A day in preparation for Lent. I want to hear so much more about this. I'm going to tell you about it. I don't. I'm going to tell you about it. I'm going to get into it.

Yeah. You giving up anything for Lent? For Lent? Not Catholic. That doesn't matter. Everybody should give something up for Len. Everybody should give up pretty much everything they do. For Len.

Well, probably good. Everything, every impulse you have, we should forget the religious part of Len. Like you're not really, you celebrate Christmas, you're not Catholic, right? Yeah. We should do the same thing for Len.

Let me donate all Christian celebrate Christmas. Everybody celebrates Christmas. Everybody should celebrate Christmas because this is the best one. It's fun. It's fun It's once a year. It's fun. There's all the tensile shit and there's presence. But the first eight days are bullshit. The first seven days? The first seven days are bullshit.

Well, some, okay, some of my Jewish friends got a great present to start and a great present to end and then a bunch of crap. And then just stretching it out. Yeah, exactly. I know. So, that holiday's got second act problem. It's also a trick because there's all this, you got to go through all these whole rig of marol and tell these stupid stories and go, Hanukkah, the satyr for, that's what they

have on Hanukkah. I think that's Passover. Well, whatever. It's the dinner, right? Yeah, that dinner is like cards against humanity of dinner because you go around the circle and everybody reads out of that story, but you're just waiting for the guy who's going to screw it up. Yeah. Oh my God, you're right.

I went to, I went to a satir. Yes. Uh, like two years ago, and my friend, my friend, the guy who always gets terrible haircuts, we've spoken about him before in the podcast. He had just, he had just married a Jewish woman and he goes, Hey, I got this real, I got this real sassy idea for this Hanukkah set or this, this Passover. Oh, no. I'm like, all right. How come, how come you had to wait till everyone was gone to tell me this sassy thing that you want to pull on your new Jewish wife for the, for your first Passover satan? He's

like, yeah, yeah. So your hair, right? It's really long, right? And like, yeah, and he's how curly can you get it? Oh my God. Well, I'm fucking Mexican man. So pretty curly. Like this is, I put this in a straight, if I put this in like a straightener, like press, I could press two tectonic plates on my hair

and it'll be straight for about 45 seconds. So pretty, does that answer your question? You motherfucker, pretty curly, right? So he goes, okay. so this is what we do. We two men trying to make my hair extra curly. We wrap it around like pencils and bullshit. Yeah. And make those, those, those, those,

ringlets, those ringlets, right? Yeah. That the real hecidic guys have. So I turn, I get two giant ringlets on the side of my head. And he's like, no, no, no, hold on, check this out. He brings down a white Yamaka. And I'm like, what is, what do you got here? Where did you get this?

And he goes, don't worry about it. You just, you need it, you need it. It's like her dead father lost. It is wedding Yam. Oh my God. It has like the wedding date inscribed in it. So I'm like, all right, you're trusting a known, known drunk in a comedian to protect your wedding Yomaka around a bunch of like Passover, Wattman, a chevets, wine for a night

of silliness. Okay. I like where this is going already. So I pin it in. I get to the, I get to the satire thinking it's going to be like, I don't know what to expect. Yeah. Because I don't know how, I didn't know how serious.

Like I didn't know that even the young, the young chosen people, our age, they do, they sit around and they keep the tradition going. Yeah. Right. So I show up looking like the silliest asshole, you know, looking like a rabbi. And my friend who's not even Jewish himself, I'm starting to get second to how's it like, is this, is this appropriate?

This is not you endorsed. Yeah, yeah, and then I realized that you could be in real trouble. Wait a minute, this guy isn't Jewish. I made a terrifying error in my calculus for this evening. I'm now doing, I'm now doing basically like Jewish blackface at a state like, okay, well I'm gonna really have to ramp

the funnyness up to a 10 on this one. So I get the, as the Jews do comedy. Yes, as I said, if you even the rabbis are funny, if it's funny, you can get away with anything, right? Get away with a lot. So these are, they're all the, you know, the table is all set up, whatever it is, it's like the Latin up in the last supper table,

which is both sides. Both sides are filled somehow. Couldn't be painted, because both sides have people. But there's a chair empty for a lion. I don't remember, it was all a blur. It was all a big blur walking the line of a semitism and anti-division. Yeah, I was't remember. It was all a blur. Oh, it's all a big, it was all a big blur walking the line of a semitism and anti. So I sit down there and the book, the book gets passed around.

And it gets to me. I'm like, all right, mine is well go all in. And I start with the voice and the whole thing and think, thank God, thank God, people like the people in charge, the guys who were like, the men and the women who were putting it on, and who were obviously, there's always a canary. At a satire, there's always a canary. In life. In life, there's always, like, no men.

In like a canary in a coal mine. Yeah, you know the expression. Of course. They would take a canary early in the early days. Test for carbon monoxide. No, it was to test for too much farting. Yes. They would be, because all those minors

would be down there all day eating beans. Right. And drink having drunk stouts and beers, all these Irish minors would be down there all day, mining and doing work and just blasting ass all day. That's all they would, that's all they would be doing. And when the canary would die, they would say, that's it. No more farting. Okay. And that's where the phrase no familiar came from. Yeah. Everybody put a, put a cork in it. That's from the town of

cork. Because they were all from there. They would say, no, forget that. That means no smoking shitehead. Exactly. I love it. Every situation, there's your canary who will tell you if you are bombing or if you are gonna be okay. And you can tell who they are. So at that say to her, as I was doing my routine, I'm looking back and forth like I've seen three of them.

I'm like, I fucking know that the youth are my three canaries or maybe we'll call them a jackrabbit. When you let somebody go speeding in front of you if you're doing a long road trip, and you let somebody get like 10 car lengths out in front of you and you find the ticket. So they get the ticket. Or they will slam on the brakes

when you see a cop and you don't have to. Sure, you'll be one. It's those, they're my three jackrabbits. They're out there. I like canary better. The three canary because they're have to. Sure, you'll be one. It's those, they're my three Jack rabbits. They're out there, I like Canary better. They're three Canary because they're out there. And I'm looking at them, I slowly see them warming up, maybe remembering something from their childhood

and I'm like, oh, thank God, thank God. And I see my friend with the shitty haircut in the corner, just also having the same look of panic as me is like, oh shit. I think maybe, I think this was an idea that I didn't want you to do. But you got me way, half a man. So excited about it. That's exactly what happened to me with this album, Cuckabas Carols.

It was pitched to me by my girlfriend and- Do you mean writing partner when you say girlfriend or do you mean- Interchangeable. Interchangeable. And you mean writing partner when you say girlfriend or do you mean interchangeable interchangeable? You know whatever anyway was pitched to me and I'm like, should I do this? And then she's like, should we do this? We both keep egging each other on yeah, and it collects its own momentum and before you know it But you know you're wearing your buddies wedding yamika and putting ringlets in your hair. And going baruchatada, anoy out of a goddamn book. And it's too late.

That's too late. Holy moly. All right, let me tell you what makes me rage this week. It's Marty Grouw. Yeah. You know about, what do we know about Marty Grouw? What's Marty Grouw? Beads and tips.

Beads and tips, John. This is what makes me rage this week. Very simple. I know this has never been discussed before, and it's a huge issue. Period, tits. You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about?

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. When it goes from Bawoop to Bawoop. Yeah. And you're like, have I died and gone to heaven? What sort of sorcery is this where a woman's boobs Can just get get bigger as though as though magic has been involved sometimes to the entire cup grade As he rios. It's it's exactly. I know exactly. I know it is one of it's, it's, it's, it's like a Greek tragedy.

The, the level of, the level of, of pathos and hubris that is involved in this, what makes me a rage because it's there, it's there right in front of you. Like all, like all of the best Greek tragedies, it is, you want it so badly, like, Cisophus pushing the rock up the hill. That's the Seccosisophus reference I've heard in like three days. That's amazing. You can go years without hearing a reference like that. Yeah, like a Greek track, like the tragedy of Cuccules. Have you heard that Greek tale? Classic Greek fairy great fairy tale. Love to hear a little bit. Classic Greek myth of Cuckules. Yeah.

And Hulees' brother. Exactly. Herculees Cucked. You haven't heard? Yeah. I know a little bit. Look, I more want to be a good audience and like you explain to the listeners. I mean, obviously I've heard all about Cuckules and his seven trials of Cuckledree.

I mean, but I will say this. He had to slay the Hydra while he was doing it. Hercules was at home fucking his wife. You never heard that story. A great hero of cocky Lee's coming back to me now. Cocky Lee's. I believe he also had to fight the Aegean Lion. And while he was fighting the Aegean Lion, Hercules was at home having sex with his wife.

Yeah, that's right. That's to see everyone knows the story of cocky Lee. That's the common denominator, though. He had to go. He had to go to the underworld and capture Cerberus. The three headed demon dog that guards the underworld except except but hercules. That was gozer. No, you're thinking of it. You're thinking of a different life. I know. He didn't. Hercules wasn't his home fucking, his wife. While he was in the underworld though, the ghost of Hercules was fucking his wife. His wife had died when he went to, that's my point. It's a little complicated, but look, look.

But Hercules wouldn't even give up then, not even death would stop Hercules from cucking Cuckules. And that's the story. It's about just, it's about appreciating what you've had, what you have before it's gone. I mean, like, you know, much like cuckules, never really appreciated this wife. It's really hard because period boobs come and period boobs go. And sometimes you don't get to say goodbye. And you don't, you don't get to say goodbye. And every day you wake up, you wonder if they're still going to be there you and and you're you're you're stuck at this at this conflicting this flood of emotions in yourself like when salt water meets fresh water because you're like Please God period come because then you're not pregnant

But also just get me one more day give me one more day where the the bad, the, the, badu badubs, the, mm, no matter what size you're talking about, like, uh-oh, I was turned into like a, wow, wow. Yeah. Like a, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, yeah. I was turned into, oh, go. Yeah, exactly. Even the, we're like a, tili, tili, tili, tili, tili, tili, tili,

has turned into a doodly, doodly, doodly, dood. When a Vava V becomes a Vava Voo. Boom, just give me one day. I know. Give me one day, put a counter on it, put a clock in the corner. I need a warning. Exactly how much longer I have with these glorious period tits. Because I need, I need some time.

And I can't act like, you wake up and they're gone. And it's like you've lost your best friend every month, Sean. Every month, it's taken from you. Every month best friend every month, Sean, every month. It's taken from you every month. You wake up, Persephone is gone. She's gone back to the overworld. And you say, you say, if I said, I love you one more time to these period booze, but they, but they're God. They're gone.

And the thing is it's like, you know, you often ask yourself, like, would you live a day in heaven knowing that you could never return? Exactly. You get it. You get what I'm talking about. Of course. Yes, I get it. Every guy knows. This is a really big issue. And it's like, perhaps it would be better never to have never to have experienced the candlelight. The candlelight is, if you have to go back to a less supple candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight.

The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight.

The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight.

The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. The candlelight. Sometimes you don't get the chance to say goodbye. Sometimes you wake up and they're gone, and you didn't know. You didn't know. And you just said, you only realized then what you would have done. How you would have smacked them around, and you were sitting on it the whole time. I could have gone awoga between,

I could have made noises. I could have done so much. I didn't even try to get her to put them in her mouth I know I know I wasn't thinking I wasn't thinking I didn't we didn't know we didn't know we could have done so much more you get it you don't care what we're talking about I of course I get what you're talking about you know see the fact you are you a monster I'm some kind of psycho. Handsome motherfucker over here. Goddamn American psycho or tit's just like water to you.

You've been like, you've been like, you've been nothing for them. All size is in shape. It doesn't matter to you. Are you living in some sort of a hollow where the size of breast causes you no emotion. Well, I'm not ready to break down about it. What could possibly be worse?

John people are literally trembling shut your mouth. John. I don't think you know how offensive you're being So I'm gonna as your friend I'm gonna say maybe you just say Hey, man that hurts it hurts when period breasts go away. I feel you maybe you just maybe you just say something just to be nice Nice isn't do that. Maybe you should give that up. Yeah, you're cool. You're cool.

You're just pushing the ability to bullshit. Yeah, just start vying along with it. Yeah, give that up. Also, get back on Facebook. Let's just ruin your life during Lent. Let's get you on Facebook. Let's get you on Twitter. Let's get you following Facebook. Oh, yeah. Uh, let's get you on Twitter. Let's get you following all the spiciest memes.

Mm-hmm. Let's ruin Sean for Lent. How about it? I tell you, uh, something else that makes no serious. Seriously, Arrage. It's, uh, I've had this enough with the bullshed. I've had this sinking feeling for a while now. And I did not know how to express it, but it's been growing.

And it's really aggravating me. Like, I'll be honest with you, it's really pissing me off, because with everything, everything I see in the news and all the constant running commentary that people have, I've turned from wanting to argue with them

to being genuinely spiteful about it. And I know that if I'm feeling it, I know a lot of people are feeling it. I was at this little party a couple nights ago. And I forget I was talking about with this guy, but he basically said exactly what I'm saying. But he expressed it in a slightly different way. He was saying that the last time the big, the big gay marriage brew, Ha, Ha was going on and everybody was shutting down streets over it. At one point, he just kind of snapped. And this is a regular guy. This is like regular guy with a family, you know,

just Joe America. He snapped and just thought, ah, you know what? Fuck them. If they're going to, they're going to shut down roads and cause all these problems, I'm going no. And he did. He went in and voted, which he would never, he, which he was telling me in confidence. He's like, I'll never admit that to anybody. But I was so aggravated and pissed off about the, um, the show of, or whatever, the show of force. Like he could, he couldn't articulate it, but he was saying like it was just, it pissed me off so much that I went in the voting booth and said no.

Now, imagine how pissed off you'd be if instead of not being able to get to work on time, you wanted to get married to someone you loved. Yeah. And then he was like and said, no. This one pissed me off too. They both have a very good reason to be pissed off. One of them couldn't get to work on time. And the other one had their literal civil rights taken away

from them because someone read a book with a T on the front of it. You know, it's great. Talk to me. You're doing exactly what he hated. That's fine. So you want your what he hated. That's fine. So you're, how could that be fine? Because what I'm telling you, as you are actively generating no votes. Only for this guy.

I wanted, look, if a guy tells me that like he's this pissed off, look, whatever. I'm telling you, I'm starting to feel it too. That's why I'm bringing it in. 2017 is going to be impossible. Like a lot of people are like, oh, the Republican's control every house government now. So things might get better. Maybe we'll all calm down. Maybe we'll all calm down. No, it's funny. It's like it's only going to get worse

and everyone's only going to get angrier. Well, here's what I found recently to maybe help explain it. I don't know what you guys think about it. Somebody did an experiment or they applied the experiment to this feeling. It's like, I saw it and I thought, no way. This is actually, this is turning into a thing. I heard this guy talking about it. I saw it on the internet somewhere.

And they said they've been doing this experiment for about 40 years, this common economics research experiment, where they'll give this common economics research experiment, where they'll give somebody a bunch of money, right? They'll give somebody money. And the person has a, like, you'll give a stereos, we'll say, we'll give you like 10 asses, right? And you get to decide how many of the asses to give to Sean. That's your offer.

Sorry, new currency. Yeah, ask currency. Well, he's an ass farmer, so I might give him eight and say, like, you know how to rear these asses? Well, I'll grow the rest. Well, that's what I'm saying. And I'll keep two for a rainy day, but I'm gonna hand eight asses to an ass farmer.

I'll make hybrids, I'll do all kinds of shit. That's what I'm saying, then, in 40 years, because I have more than 400 asses. My metaphor is falling apart. I'm sorry. If you, they found that if you give him less than 30% of the asses that you have, he will reject that deal out of spite. Oh, I guess that makes a lot of sense.

It makes no sense. It makes literally zero sense. It makes no sense. It's a lot of people operate. Exactly. It makes zero logical sense. That's right. But nothing, nothing that has. Exactly. It makes zero logical sense. But nothing, nothing that has anything to do with economics makes logical sense. Everybody thinks they deserve more.

Yeah. Like they're getting really fucked, right? Even if they don't. They just get the feeling that they're getting screwed. That's exactly. And so they, and so they act in a way that is not in their own self interest. No. Because they cut out their nose to is not in their own self interest. No, because they've got their eyes on them.

They're known to spite someone else's face. Yeah. And that is the feeling that I experience now every day, every single fucking time I read about how somebody like just the piecemeal, pedantic, gotcha,owns of everybody, everybody. I feel this different, it's very different than like the feeling of rage, it's just spite. Yes. And I feel it every day.

I wake up and everything I read makes it grow a little bit more. And I think, you know what? I really wanted, there was a time, there was a part of me when I wanted to work with everybody, where I thought like this will help everybody. No, listen to me, like just let's just try it this way. And now everything I hear, I just think,

ah, you know what, fuck you. I hope it doesn't work. And I hope somehow it fucks you, even though that fucks me. Yes. Even though if life is bad for you, it's worse for me. I still feel it in my heart. Yeah. Every time I talk to anybody about this now, and I feel it tipping over the edge, like this

guy at the party that I was talking to, who he would never tell anybody. Sure. I remember to go ahead. Oh, sorry. I'm going to tell you the perfect example of this. Global warming. It was a problem that you brought in a long time ago on the old show. I know that you're someone that believes that global warming is happening. I feel like a lot of people wrapping it. Yeah, exactly. Well, but the hoax is happening. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. No,

definitely. So I feel like a lot of people are against laws that would limit pollution in streams that are against laws that would clean up our air Just for spy. Yeah, just for spite. We all have to drink out of those streams We've all got to breathe this air, but they are conservatives out there that hate liberals so much that they're like fuck you Anything that might make my own life and my kids life better because I hate you and your rainbow colored hair and I hate the fact that you like the HBO show girls. Yeah. But I hate that you love Beyonce. Oh, she's your only favorite black person.

And like, so their concert is out there. They hate liberals so much. They are willing to literally destroy our planet just to get at a bunch of cocks. Well, it's Yankees Red Sox fans. It's a sports dance. What the fuck? What the fuck? No, I know, but this is how people, this is how petty people are.

I think it's a little different than Yankees Red Sox fans. Well, okay. Because somebody's got a win in that, you know? Yeah, in this case, nobody wins. Well, in this case, in this case, there's this, there's like a perception of you getting less than that 30% threshold. Yeah. Like, there's like a perception of you getting less than that 30% threshold. Yeah.

Like, oh, you feel like you're getting less than 30% and you're just spiteful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I can feel it coming and it works both ways too. Like every time I see somebody picking on like NASCAR or wrestling, like, oh, you're just a bunch of, uh, you just ran it in a little bit. If you could, pull it in for a second because every time

you look like you're taking a little bit more, you're wiping out huge swaths of people. Yes, it is our job, guys like me and you. It's our job to like communicate the benefits of our political beliefs in a funny, friendly way. Obviously, you're much better at than I am because I get angry. You do get angry. Yeah, except which is not good. Like the thing about you is you communicate the benefits of the conservative platform in a funny way that makes it sound appealing.

Oh, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. But sometimes I'm on Facebook and I'm talking about like Where my trans friends should be able to poo and pee like some like people are like they don't want my trans friend to poo and pee in This big bowl of poo and pee. They want my trans friend to poo and pee in another bowl Yeah, because they're I guess they're afraid that like if boy poo and pee is in a bowl that girl poo and pee was in Can you stop saying that? No, stop saying what? It was gross, the boy girl poo. Well, you know what?

We could honestly, sure. We could say like, oh, gender, blah, blah, bath, you're blah, blah. But at the end of the day, we're talking about a room where you go to poo and P. And a lot of people, I'll say a lot of my friends are being stopped for pooing and P where they want to poo and pee. And so I go on Facebook and I start to talk

to some conservatives that are like, hey, hey, hey, no girl poo and pee where there's boy poo and pee. And I get so mad at them and I want to be like, it's just poo and pee. I feel like one of you is saying, how much is that? I feel like one of you is saying, how much is that? I feel like one of you is saying, how much is that?

I feel like one of you is saying, how much is that? I feel like one of you is saying, how much is that? I feel like one of you is saying, how much is that? I feel like one of you is saying, how much is that? I feel like one of you is saying, how much is that? I feel like one of you is saying, how much is that? I feel like one of you is saying, how much is that? I feel like one of you is saying, how much is that? I feel like one of you is saying, how much is that? I feel like one of you is saying, how much is that? Without it them, then they're gonna say no boy to a P forever, forever. Where there's girl Poon P and you've lost them forever. No, we're gonna take more than that.

I'm gonna take more than the bathroom thing. You know what, we're gonna pull it all back. We're pulling it all back. And there's nothing you could do about it. Yes, for eight years. Exactly. It's not about where, it's not about where they pee though. It's where they poo and pee.

Do you mind, when you have trans friends come over here to your house, do you mind where they poo and pee? Like, is there like, you have a couple of bathrooms? I have. Like he'd let him in the house. He has one trans friend.

I know he does. I have near total control of who comes in my house. Yeah, that's the difference, except for that one murderer who got in and threatened to kill my life coach. Who apologized That's what I heard the life coach did no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I got triggered. I got triggered. I got triggered. Last time that happened, I spent 20 years cooling off, but anyway, he's a real funny guy that murder turns out. We have guests, by the way, and you're allowed to laugh. Yeah.

Many beautiful guests in the room. Yeah, we have three fucking hot chicks over here to the Goddard. It's great. Yeah, well, that's the... See, somebody like covering their mouth for the last 25 minutes. Yeah, she's going out to the Goddard. The Goddard manorism over there, Jesus. Like, like a fucking breath, guys. Like we can't, like we can't ruin a recording on our own.

Yeah, he's already deleted everything we've done. You told him to laugh at whatever you want. You should give that up for Lent. I'm giving it all up. You should give up unprofessionalism. You should. Anyway, we'll make you wedge the delete key off of the with a screwdriver for Lent.

Yeah. Now, that's the thing about the whole trends issue though. I have total control over who comes into my house. Yeah, I don't have control over who goes into the bathroom with my kid. But you know, I have control over that anyway. Yeah. If a crazy guy who wanted to eat your kids poo and pee Wanted to get in there. It wouldn't matter if he was a boy who wanted to eat poo and pee or a girl who wanted to eat poo and pee

I guess you're right. That's the thing about criminals. Yeah, like it's not like a criminal is gonna be like Ah, time to go into this bathroom and get this lady on nuts It's only for ladies and there's an invisible force field that won't let boys in here. The field must know that my poo and pee is male Chandered it won't let me know but but but and this is the This is the this is the hard truth. I'm no one's allowed to say To a lot of people. I don't know if I'm gonna say that I'm one of them or not I don't know I haven't there's a lot of new information coming see how this's a lot of new information coming in on this bathroom topic.

And we all know that it sounds silly, but the bathroom is the most important topic to possibly talk about. I completely agree with you. Most of the topics on this show because we're vulnerable in the bathroom. Yes. And we spend, and that's the only thing we reliably need is a bathroom. Everything else, you know, burning man, the only thing that they set up is bathroom. Everything else is chaos.

It's not the, it's not the active criminals that people are worried about. It's the people who are deranged. Okay. It's that, it's that you can't stop and it's, it's not about trans because nobody, nobody gives a shit about a woman who's become, who's a trans male going into the men's room. No, fucking cares. Well, apparently the Trump administration does. Oh, it's done, started with that thing.

That's all taken lightly out of context. It's about dudes, dudes who are imbalanced, which some definitely are, you can't say they're not. Yes, put those two in the room. Don't have to be wearing a dress to go in in the women's room. Yes, but, but we don't want to allow that to happen. We don't want to just blanket say, oh yeah, I'm gonna pretend, I'm gonna pretend

that there is not one mentally unbalanced dude who wants to use the lady, who's using the ladies room and I don't want him in there around, because I'm not a woman. No. That's the whole, and that is the, that is the whole thing to me about it. I'm never worried about safety for one second. Yeah. I get black out drunk, get on a bus in the middle of anywhere, and I've woken up on buses

that I do not remember taking in the middle of nowhere, stick with my watch still on me. Yeah. That cost more than a car, still on me, and I didn't give it a second thought. Not one second thought, and that is my, that's my fucking privilege as a six foot tall, 210 now, pound man. Was I never have to think,

but I don't, like I can't even put my head in the mind of women who don't have that luxury of saying like, oh yeah, hey you guys, the space where that you'll use to like do your shit, where you, the space where you go talk about things because that's the only privacy you have. The reason you go there together, I'm now dictating exactly what you're doing with that. I feel like I'm simultaneously arguing against abortion laws by arguing, you know what I'm saying? By arguing the bathroom laws for women.

Like, that's all that it's about for me. It's like, I don't want to subject you, women, to something that I know is going to happen. Because I'm not retarded. Like, I know who's going to, I know who eventually is going to go in there. Who's eventually going to get a gun, a deranged person? Should we cause a bunch, should we have like a shitload of laws stopping any possible deranged person getting a gun? Because recently the Prime Ministeration, laxed the ability for the mentally ill to get

weapons. Now, what I'm saying is this, you can create a nightmare scenario to pass any law you want. I'm not even, I'm not just talking to you because I know that you're kind of, I know that you're of two minds about this and you're kind of airing out the arguments to kind of see where you feel. Yeah. Like, like, I'm just mean this in general. Like, okay, if we really want to protect women, if that is our alpha focus, then why are the same people that are against, uh, trans women be able to use women's bathroom, also against a lot of domestic abuse laws.

Like if we're trying to protect women, a really great way to protect women would be to give them really good health insurance so that if they get pregnant, they can not, they can maybe have a kid that doesn't come out of there or I'll fucked up. If you really want to protect women, you can do a million things.

This trans bathroom thing is not about protecting women. It's about the fact that like, conservatives don't like trans people, not all of them, but some of them. Some of them are like, I don't like this rainbow-wigged girl with a weird voice, saying she's a girl but she's a boy. So I don't like this. I don't like that it's different. I don't like that I didn't grow up with this.

Therefore, I'm going to tell this person where they can't pee and poo. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, but I don't want to talk about it. I don't wanna talk about it anymore, because it doesn't matter. Like it really, it doesn't matter what two guys think about it.

I don't think, what makes you a rage for me? Oh, what makes me a rage is, when hot girls make funny faces in photos, I really fucking hate it. Yeah. Like my girlfriend sent me pictures where she's like, yeah, we're like, like, we're just making like all these dumb fat ugly faces. And I'm just like, but you've got a hot face. You don't need to play this card. You

need to leave this card for people like me. Who's faces may not look. They may not be the worst faces, but you gotta do something with this face. You can't just stare straight ahead with this face. You gotta have to do something fun with your eyes. Do something funny with your mouth. You gotta puff up your cheeks or a wink or you gotta, I need the funny faces. And she and her friends, she says to be pictures of her friends where they're all making funny faces. she and her friends. She says to be pictures of her friends where they're all making funny faces. Just three gorgeous girls making the funniest

faces in the world. And it's like, don't you're wasting your beautiful face. We have comedians for this. We have funny people for this. We don't need you stepping on our action. No, I hear you. What did she say? for this, we don't need you stepping on our action. No, I hear you. Friends, I know, I can't. What did she say?

I can't hear, don't worry about her. What do you guys think? Yeah, and Bugs maim. Sure I'm on board, yeah. I'm not, I see it didn't really inspire them. It's rage in you guys. Yeah. Well, it's fired some rage over here.

Ah! Ah! Look, let's say you're on Facebook. Let's have the enigma pitch it. No, no, no, no. It's too late, you think I'm already picked it. It's too late to make sense. Yeah, okay. All right, let's say this.

Let's say you're single, and you meet a cute girl, and you exchange Facebook information. Later you go home, you look out on Facebook. You do the classic Facebook stalking thing that everybody does to everybody. Yeah, sure. You go to their profile photo, you go to their profile album,

which is ostensibly supposed to be their hottest, best faces. Yeah, yeah. Because if they weren't their hottest best faces, they wouldn't be in their profile photo album, Sean. Sure. So now, the AB test that shit, they do. They do, they put up new pictures, they measure the likes, they'll take it down, put it up at another time.

It's really important, it's your brand. Now imagine half of it, now you're expecting all these photos to be super hot. What if half of them are her making some sort of goofy, funny face soup? It's just like, how are you supposed to? How goofy, what the line of how goofy a face face? Like ones that they're trying to look ugly? Yes, it's like when you have to try to look ugly,

what you're doing is you're shoving in my face that you're beautiful. Yeah, shut up. Okay, I know you're talking about that. It's like this, it's like in the movie monster. They cast Charlie's Theron. You know what I think? They all grew up like crazy.

You know what it's like? It's like how anybody who's talented or gifted at something will brag about how little they work. Like that's like, or how chicks who, or how every, every hot chick will always tell you that she eats fry, that she's like the worst eater. I go home and I eat a McDonald's Halloween pale, a french fries every night. I've been doing it since I was a child. I go and I grill up donut, only good donut holes.

I fry up donut holes and I eat them by the handful. That's what I do. And you're like, why the fuck is this so important to you that you've not only told me three times But you've told every single person you know it's on every single social profile you have you like pizza You like french fries and you like apple fucking fritters. Why is that? Why is that you the hot chick blueprint all up and down The hot chick blueprint all up and down, side to side, every tweetable Instagram, a bull, snap chat, a bull, Facebook, every method, every medium there is, that's the bio.

Why? Why go? I was gonna say, do you think it's a reaction to people who, I tell you what I think it is. You know, so you gotta be believing to look like that? I think it's not enough to be beautiful. I think it's not enough that you're talented. It also, you have to be so special

that this is innately you. Nobody wants to have worked for anything. They want to be like unto a God, where everything that they are and everything that they're known for just flows from them, like some kind of deity Like they didn't you don't say oh like what do you just like watch you diet and do a little bit of yoga like no No, I was dain't by God to be this beautiful

That's how smart I am that I've never done any amount of work for it. I just know it I just I just know it off the top of my learn seven languages never worked for it. I just know it. I just know it off the top of my learn seven languages. Never worked for it once. They just come to me. You should be embarrassed about how hard you work for everything when you look at me. So I respect the opposite person more. Me too. Well, yeah, that's the normal. But you're a professional craftsman. Exactly. By the way, like there is a whole other group of people who just want to be valued and treasured for something they intrinsically have, and they wanna do you into thinking they fucking have it.

Every single thing they do is spending... There's nothing cooler now than being rich and having not worked for it. Yeah. And constantly tweeting hashtag rich kids of Beverly Hills on every single fucking picture you take. There is effort is for nerds. Nerds. That's the thing.

And it's for nerds and losers, exactly. No, it's, and it started, I started noticing this at least with that, is that book called the four hour work week? Yes. Where is, who is that? called the four hour work week? Yes. Where is, who is that? I don't know, but I know the book. It's a classic productivity book. I think it's the, yes, I can't remember the guy's name who wrote that, but he wrote a book

which I guess is how to work not at all. Tim Ferriss. Tim Ferriss. How to work not at all. It's one of those work smart, not hard lines of bullshit. You hear in every pyramid. Yeah, no, no, it's don't work. It's if you're smart, you don't not at all. Some of those work smart, not hard, lines of bullshit. You hear in every pyramid. Yeah, no, no, it's don't work. It's if you're smart, you don't work at all.

Like me, Tim Ferriss, who wrote the book on being a lazy, gold-bricking, shlub who rakes in money. Like this is who I am. By my Bible, excuse me, I mean book, by my cult material, and you can be exactly like me a modern day God like fucking Cuckules like a Greek myth this these people are that want you to believe this cockamamae story or Cuckules is brother count Cuckula. Oh yeah have you ever had Cuckules cereal?

Is he the black one anyway? Oh so what like that joke wasn't there on the tip everybody's Chocolate. Yeah, is he black? So Cucula. Well, it's a dark cereal. I don't know if he's just making a but isn't he dark? He's chocolate. He's made of chocolate. I don't know what count. Cucula wouldn't Your fault. Yeah, it's your fault. The V's brother. He's black like count. Chocolate. This is my fault the visa is my fault he's black like count chocolate this is my fault count chocolate

you did this what is count what is count chocolate known for it is not for his delicious cereal as a chocolate cereal rent hmm which I've never eaten actually he drains the chocolate from the pieces as if they were blood black

people in mexicans make good breakfast and he's if he's chocolate if he's dark skinned He's got to be that's what you did good breakfast. Yeah, white you know white people breakfast is blood pudding Yes, you ever had that yeah bangers and mash and blood pretty almost Sean and I we went to we were in London Long long time ago 2000 2002 Long, long time ago, 2000, 2002. It was the one year anniversary of 9-11.

And I thought it'd be, we saved some dough by flying internationally. Smart. Yeah, I think I've told part of this story before, but on the way back, we got way laid in London for a day. Right. And we were going around with this girl who was showing us the sights.

And I was like, hey, what's this full traditional English breakfast that you got on here? Oh, stop it in the chat room. It looks pretty good. It was a joke. What, what, what's in? They're going off about that joke I just made. Which one? The count-chocolat joke.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What about this, this blood pudding? That looks pretty good. She goes, I'll just give it a shot. Give it a shot. Like, all right, I guess now I'll look like a pussy if I don't, if I ran my mouth and a woman told me to do it, like, fuck.

If a woman tells you to do, you have to do it or you're a pussy. Yeah, that's how I got married. Hey, I mean, I wanted to ask you, how did that, how did that hermetically sealed chamber thing work? Last time you were on. Oh, sure. I'll give everybody an update.

I mean, last time you were on, you read a, you read a, you read a, a small appeal. A small appeal, yes. Asking for anyone who, who could help your wife with a condition she has where she's allergic to everything, if they could find a place to live. Yeah. And it was light on specifics. No, because it's clear. I don't want to get, it's her business. She gave a place to live. And it was light on specifics. But there was, I don't want to get, it's her business, she gave me permission to ask.

And so I'm doing it. Oh, I was very sure, my ex-wife has a knitted called Master cytosis. It's an incredibly rare genetic condition that's in the national registry of rare diseases or Nord. And it means that she's allergic to most things, kind of like how AIDS tricks your body into thinking that it's constantly under attack.

Yeah. Masses itosis tricks her body into constantly thinking it's under severe and a phallactic allergic attack. And but there have been some doctors in the DIC show group that have reached out, they've suggested. No, shit. Yeah, I'm not kidding. They have suggested experimental medications. Oh, they're pulling your leg. It's like all of them have offices

with like green crosses over it, don't they? I'll fucking take, I will take any medical help I can get, especially the kind kind. It's Dr. Paine and Wainerstein. You're, they're all your relatives. They're all taken. Oh, your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all your all I just thought of her medically sealed submarine that's inside a bubble. I if anybody needs a sub letter, if anybody needs to rent their apartment in California, or Florida, hit me up on Twitter. Wait? Yeah, I'll see if she's here. She's too much. She's so insisting. Like Oscar the Grouch. Sure.

Just climb out of the wall. Like, Fragile Rock, excuse me. Well, she, you know what? She is known for her elaborate micro creations that I love to eat. I've got, I have to say, she's always building, building, building these things. You're thinking of the little green guys. The two series. Yeah.

You're talking about straight up pragels. Okay. That's, yeah, no, I did fuck that up, but I apologize. All right. All right. That's what makes us a rage this week. Let's get to your, let's get to your Cuxmas carols album. Oh my God.

This is such a fantastic story. What have you done? So this is when Sean, let me tell you how, let me tell you something that I love in life. It's the big, the big gambles. The big gambles that pay off, and you know, you got to bet big to win big, right? Like the lottery, you bet a dollar,

and you win the lottery, everyone hates you. Everyone fucking hates you, because you didn't bet anything. Yeah. You bet a dollar. Good for you, right? I hope you choke on it. I hope that's why we love those stories of those lottery winners that like all immediately they buy everyone in their family, a duly pick up and then do an army battalion's measurement of meth and then they get found in a storage container, right? The next day we love those stories because fuck, but people who bet people who bet big

and it pays off. Oh man, no, there's no greater feeling than that. And that's what Mr. Boyster's Coke and that's done this week. A lot of changes in a week. A lot happens in a week on this show. You know, as everyone knows, there's the various, the Reddit and the Facebook group and all these communities that have built up around the show.

Last week, I think it was, Maddox announced his bonus episodes. Featuring Sean! Featuring Sean, the three-month-old content. And for some reasons two two weeks ago two weeks ago for some reason Maddox did his first bonus episode. He has a bonus album like he sold and said you remember how we used to do about this oh it's because it's it's bizarre it's it's it's very bizarre you remember how we used to do the bonus episodes

and we just sell it as an MP3? Yeah. And then I put it up on send-out or something like that. People would run their credit card, pay a big coin to PayPal, whatever they want. And then they download the MP3. And then we'd throw it up on iTunes,

but iTunes kind of a pain in the ass. So it was always secondary to the send-out thing. The send-out is so easy. But people buy stuff on iTunes, so why not make it available to them? Instead of doing what we used to do normally, Maddox took his bonus episode Maddox versus the universe episode one. Peter and Sean, wherever you episode he talks about not crying. He took it. He took it.

He's saying album. Well, he took it. He took it. Then MP3 and he cut it into segments. Like he took 15 minutes, 15 minutes, and then 40 minutes or something like that. And he called them tracks in an album for some reason. And he put that up on iTunes. And of course, is it free?

Is it a default? No. No, I mean, I wouldn't think it would be free. It's like four bucks. Or something like that was the bonus. But do you buy it? Do you buy it per track? No. I don't think so. No, I the album. You think you did it because it's easier to skip to the place you like if you want to listen to it again. It's like a thing. It would be only more difficult. I don't know, I haven't heard the content, but it would be, no one, okay, instantly everyone thought that it was weird. Why do this?

Like why have such odd splits in your bonus episode when for two years it worked perfectly fine and it made a bunch of dough to just have the MP3. Right. You throw up on, go ahead. Exactly. So like on the iTunes, you've got a George Carlin album, you've got the new Pat Naswalt album,

and then you've got a bonus episode of a podcast. And an album. As an album. And then you've got the Brian Regan, comedy album. So it's like, here's the iTunes comedy albums. 99 stand up albums. And Maddox versus the universe episode one.

Episode one which is cut into weird tracks. And it's put in a weird place. So next thing you know, after it gets released, Maddox posts things saying, wow, holy shit, I can't believe it. The Max versus the universe number one is number four on the iTunes comedy album chart. He didn't say album. He said, I'm number four on iTunes comedy. Wow, look at me.

I'm number four on iTunes comedy. Hey guys, that would hate me, please. I can use these all the likes I get on this post to pay my rent, right? Yeah. So as will happen on the internet and specifically among the dickheads, like this show will instantly call you out on shit. That's what the, I mean, when we say top artists working on stuff, we're not only are we 100% serious.

We're like, you can laugh at that out loud. It's totally fine. When we say top Autists, not only is it true and not only is it a compliment, but we are all that. Like when someone that's, it's the act of getting it into your brain, like seeing a little, seeing a thread on a shirt and just tugging at it. Until you find out what the fuck this thread is thinks it's doing. Is this thread trying to molest me? Is it a communist in there? What's going on? You just pull the thread until it comes out.

Is there a million dollars in this thread? I don't know. We don't know. There's only one way to find out. So Dick had started theorizing why the hell, did this guy, First of all, Manics is post of being number four on iTunes comedy is not accurate. Nope. Well, that would seem incredible. Oh, what?

Wouldn't it be to be up there with comedy bang bang? Yeah. To be up there with with wait, wait, don't tell me a show that's been on NPR for 20 years and Manics versus the universe featuring Sean. All you want., you won. Which Sean doesn't get a dime for. And like on this show where he gets a cut of the Patreon and everything.

Oh, really? Sean's not getting any of the money. Well, I mean, there must be a lot of money from this bonus album if he's number four. So they said, wait a minute, you're not for on comedy. You're for on comedy albums, right? Among comedy albums like seven-year-old Daniel Tosh standups. We're talking about, we're talking about stuff that's been on YouTube for like five years.

Dean Cook's 2007 live at Madison Square Garden tour, Dan Cook, Colin, off the rails. So as stereo, as stereo goes on, Reddidance says, Hey, if this gets enough up likes, up votes, I'm going to record a comedy album in 24 hours with your guys' help, and we're going to put it on iTunes. Oh, should be exactly where this is going.

To beat Maddox. For spite. And that's what the campaigns call where all good ideas come from. For hashtag for spite. I tell people, don't do it for you. Don't do it for me. Yeah. Do it for spite.

So he records this album in his, he records this album in one night. All the dickheads are in there generating lyrics. As serious as finding shitty MP3s, like public domain, public domain MP3s, all public domain songs, because there's not enough time to get licensing. Oh, yeah. And public domain recordings, because I don't want someone to file a notice against it. Every single track on the album is public domain cleared for use. It's great. Do we have, do we have any samples?

Sure, I will hook you up right now. I will email you both the album. Well, let me play one right now. Please do. Okay, which one? I got, I got them all right here. Oh, a little cuckled boy. Okay, so this is just to give,

just to give an example of the kind of lyrics and the quality of this album. Before we go any further, I'm gonna play iTunes preview of Little Cuckold Boy from Asterios Coconuz. I'm not a fan of the music. I will debate both sides, cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck Yeah, time for harmonies. That's what I thought too! That's the first thing I thought! Who is from here to meet Kakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakak Is that you with the girl voice in the background? Of course it is. I can sing buddy. He's personal.

Okay, that's the preview. So keep in mind that there is a loony tune style of a digital, of a pixel art, a stereo bursting out of the, that's all folks logo and the Santa Claus hat. That's it. So, a stereo's does it. He records the album. He gets it up on iTunes through some Eastern European, illegal black market iTunes affiliate,

something like that. He's gonna get in the back door, you know? For little guys. For little guys. Sure. We don't get access to the big guys, though. So, he throws it up on iTunes, he goes to bed, presumably. I don't know what you do during the day.

I assume you go into some kind of chamber of sorrow. No, no, my sandbox. Yeah, no, I did not go to bed because I stayed up for 24 hours between work days. Okay. So, Thursday night, people are sending me art. They're sending lyrics. They're sending everything and I stay up all night recording it

and then I go home and I sleep for an hour and a half and then I go to work because I have a day job. Now this goes up on iTunes, what day did it go up? It went up five days ago. Five days ago, number one. Oh, number one, I do it. Number one, second one. Number one. Second day. Number one. Third day. Number one. What's it at now? Right now. I mean, I'm not sure where it is. It's definitely not at number one, but it was the number one album on iTunes for three days. And I will also

say this, Sean, in Denmark. Oh by the way, was there more than an album on iTunes, comedy in Denmark, aren't you? What do you think he's to be perfectly on? Cosic style. You might, Sean, that's a very funny joke. I mean, that's a great joke. But to tell you the absolute truth, Cuckabas carols is the number 11 album in all of Denmark on iTunes beating Adele's 26.

You're shitting. I will show you the chart, John. I will show you the chart, John. So, so this goes, I believe you. And this is, everybody's freaking out now because Maddox's album is disappearing, right? And if you every screenshot, you look, it's Asterios Coconos as Santa Cuck in the number one spot

and Maddox is disappearing off the front page, like slipping, slipping down like a fucking slinky rolling, rolling up the clean paper it over. And paper it over. The 24 hour chart top. It's like the Beatles first record. Only three hours. Three Sean again again hilarious jokes Three days Sean it was three spend three days at number one on iTunes comedy here it is it goes

Here's the here's the Danish album charts 50 shades darker original soundtrack a John Miller album two Danish albums Oh my god Santa Cuck Cuck Miss Carol Colin, bald headed lies for 36,000 crooner. You can pick it up, my Danish friends. Number 12, Adele. I'm just 25. I'm just 12 Adele. Unbelievable. Now she's got something to cry about.

It gets better. So because of Stereo's, is number one on comedy albums, because Santa Cos is number one on comedy albums because Santa Cuck is number one If you go if you go to your phone and Just scroll the main categories. They take the top album of every genre and make it the icon of the genre So when you go there and scroll you see a stereo as this fucking stupid looking this burst in his Santa Claus looking like totally ridiculous album cover.

People are going there. People have no idea about any of this goss or beef or whatever's going on and they see all these big names of comedy they cook like looking like a time capsule, and they go into the iTunes comedy, because who the fuck gets a comedy album anymore? Right, nobody.

No, you watch it. You watch it on YouTube. They go there, and they see number one, some fucking asshole in a Santa Claus outfit at Santa Cook. That is the new face of comedy. Now on I-2. No, I'd like to tell you some other albums that dropped the same week.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. beaten by Santa Cuck. Mike Kaplan, a friend of mine, have been on

his podcast. He's been the tonight show a million times. Mike Kaplan drops a brand new album. Hilarious. I'm sure from start to finish. But beaten by Santa Cuck. Nick Thune, UCB zone Nick Thune. Beat by Santa Cuck. There is a song on this Santa Cuck out. First of all, it's four tracks called the 12 Days of Cucksmiths. I don't know whether I think this is the greatest thing ever or I want to kill myself. Why do you want to kill yourself? Because it's a musical achievement that you don't have because you can actually do that. Oh, he can be done.

You can do anything with spite, Sean. No, this can do anything with spite. This was the gamble. Like he said. Oh, no, be done. You can do anything with spite Sean. No, this can do anything with spite. This was the gamble. Like he said, I'm gonna, this is Bay Bruth saying, I'm gonna hit, this is Bay Bruth. If he hadn't been talking to the center fielder and telling him to shut his mouth and he'd been actually pointing it a home run, they think it was gesturing toward the dugout too, because they were giving him shit. He was, he was probably, yeah, he was probably drunk. He was just stumbling around. It's funny. He was, he was probably, yeah, he was probably drunk. But just f**king stumbling around. Well, it's funny if you, if you see the movie, it's like, you know, he, there was no point.

There was, like, he would ever do that. Right. Like a guy in the middle of a lifetime of baseball career, would you say, I'm going to hit a ding or belong and then do it. And it's never been attempted. It's like, like, this is, this is a preposterous story. Of course, he was pointing at someone and telling him to go fuck themselves.

Like, that's something that that man did, probably 20 times every day. That's what he was doing. That's what he, but Asterios actually did it. He pointed to the fence and said, I'm gonna hit a best-selling comedy album right over that fence. And then he fucking does it. It gets better.

Not only how could it get any better Sean, it does get better. Listen to this order. Get me off the pitch. Asterios gets an email last night. As we're, when we're dicking around, we're talking about the show and going over all the gossip and having a good laugh. He gets an email last night from Billboard. Do you wanna read the email they sent? I'll summarize it. You summarize it.

Honestly, you're somewhere really funnier. He goes, he gets an email from Billboard that basically says, hey, we don't know who you are or what you are, but Santa Cuck is now a Billboard ranked comedy album. So we need to get fucking charted. So we need to get what is the what's like the UPC number? Who's the distributor?

Who's producing this album? What stores can people get it in? And is there else going what? What I'm a classic making up shit off the top of his head like they sent it is the it's the perfect like hey I don't know who the fuck you are or what this Santa Cut but you charted so we got to get you're it would be it's like a debate saying like I don't know who the fuck you are I don't even know if you're real but if there's anyone out there monitoring this Santa Cuck buoy

that you've got just floating in this, in a mile of shit in the guy that is the show, like the floating guy of planet of God's and hatred that is the show. If there's anybody out there, any of you guys wanna come forward and take responsibility for this Santa Cuck album, you are now a charting comedian on Billboard. A&R men are bringing this to heads of labels.

I've got the new thing. We've got the next guy. You've got to sign everybody like this. Ebeat Nick Thun. My cap, Lloyd Wood Jr. John Wiggly peat everybody. Santa Cuck destroyed them all. They were like, and then finally, in addition to asking for UPCs and ISRC numbers, by the

way, ISRC number for a little cuckaboy is QM4DW1703504. If anyone wants to add that to the international sound recording, Uh, Cuckery, whatever these C stands for. They said this billboard said, we need an archival copy of Santa cop. Oh my God. Because we need to add it to billboards archives now because. Do you want to just get a call from the library of Congress? He's in it. Yes.

So, yeah. So I was like, they're sending a new space capsule soon, I think. They're pretty good on Voyager 3. Yeah. It's, they're etching it on one of those stone discs. The last of millennium, right, shooting it out in the space. Tell aliens to go fuck themselves. Now aliens will know that we don't like a guy. And it'll be like, well, no, it'll be like the greatest art ever. It'll be like France and Jerry Lewis. Yeah. Aliens will think this is the greatest thing to ever come out of earth.

Look at that. I don't care. You know what they're gonna say? We gotta stay away from this planet. Yeah. You guys, this is a spiteful planet. They recorded an album just because they were mad at a guy. This is a planet that will never stop.

They will fight till the last guy. Whether we have no chance of enslaving this planet. Right. Why don't you just kill the leader and then they all do what you say? No. They have no leader at all. They just come from nothing and they kill you.

They do the maximum thing that they could do to you. Stay the fuck away from this planet. Oh my God, all right. So now forever and for all time, forever and for all time, billboard, and by association, I assume the library of Congress. Because here's the thing, by the way, I'm also a writer for something awful.

Something awful two years ago was selected for protection in the library of Congress. No, because something awful, it's like important to internet companies, 20 years old. Yeah. So if something awful is in the library of Congress. No. Because something awful, it's like important to internet comedy, it's 20 years old. Yeah. So if something awful is in the library of Congress, somebody tells me billboards archives are two. Forever and for all time,

Cuck miscarols, colon, bald headed lies, will live. It'll outlive you, it'll outlive me, it'll outlive our kids. Forever and for all time, They'll be a song called, cuck cuck cuck cuck, Maddox is a cuck. There is no punchline here. Cuck cuck cuck cuck.

Oh, four songs. Immortal. Immortal. He has achieved immortality. It goes Shakespeare's and then me. No, no, it goes you first because of the alphabet. Oh, you're right. Thank God for our filings.

Yes. I was coconut and Shakespeare. Take that you spoonie bard. Who's the cock now? Who's the cock now? Any invent the word cock? Yes, he did. It's a Shakespeare in term, which is why people

that use the word cock are often so airtight. Oh my died oh my god that's great okay let me see who I got in the line here oh hey before we move on I just want to thank a couple people for the album real quick oh yeah go obviously you can pick up the album I'm not too only give you search for cuck miss carols or Santa c, it will be there. The album was conceived of and co-written by my co-writer, Sandpaper. The art was done by Dr. Smoothrod, aka Ed Wood. And two of the other songs were written by Chris Arrock, aka Dr. Madcow. It was a team effort. It was like a Dick show fan team effort.

And we fucking did it. We have sold at this point 505 copies. Oh, that was the most important thing that I wanted to know. And that's why that's what I want to talk about. Okay. Because we've sold 505 copies over the course of five days. Okay. I have a chart showing every day we sold this many copies.

So I know. Can I post that chart? Of course you can. I emailed it to you. So some people are trying to figure out well If cuckmous carols was number one for three days and sold 500 copies. Yeah, Georgia's out quote album At number six for like a day. How many did it sell 50? Probably like a hundred fifty seventy five interesting experiment. Yeah, I'm glad that you collected this data

No, it's it, it's really important data. And this is the only way we could get it was to release an album of Christmas parodies called Cuckabas Carols. So the data's down your hand stocker. You do whatever you like with it. Thank you. Let's see, I had a guy, I was going to call in.

Let me see here. I'm going to read some comments from last week. This one's from Daniel Davis. Dick, I have a some comments from last week. This one's from Daniel Davis. Dick, I have a no bullshit story for you. This one's kind of funny. I spent four years in the Marines, peace time. And one of the things about being in the military is all the fucking downtime.

I've heard that. You just march around to do nothing. That it's just a lot of, it's downtime punctuated with terror. Apparently. I only know that from books, I'm not gonna pretend. I worked with a guy at a toy store who told that to me, I was 16 years old, taking a Christmas job at a toy store

and the guy was like, yeah, I was in the military. He just marched around, we just marched around, do nothing, hurry up to do nothing. Oh man, that sounds like a fucking nightmare. He's like, yeah, you want something to happen, but it's like, it puts your mind in a weird spot. Anyway, we would spend countless hours sitting around being bored out of our skulls.

One day, we were in the supply bay, doing some mindless chore, like scrubbing the rust off of nails. When one of the guys comes across a case of glow sticks, why the fuck do they have a case of glow sticks in the military? Flares, something like that? So naturally we acquire steel as many as we can fit

in our pockets. Fast forward to later that night. We are sitting, last week we talked about glow sticks and getting them in our eyes. Boy, how could we be seeing the dark? Right. Yeah, you know. Fast forward to later that night.

We were sitting around here last week. Yeah, he was so funny last week. He is. Oh, maybe we could have him on. We are sitting around drinking, fucking with these glow sticks. As you do, feeling that's that satisfying crunch of the glass when you first break one and then throwing them into the river woods at your friends. Yeah. All the sudden, one of the guys reads the package and notices the words non-toxic.

Hey guys, we can drink these, he says, comes out of his mouth of our resident scholar. After some problem solving, these things contain broken glass. How can I drink it without interrupting my drinking with the trip to the hospital? We start drinking the bitter glowing fluid through folded up t-shirts that act like glass filters.

This was fun for a few minutes. We were sitting around laughing at each other's glowing mouths when I felt nature's call. Oh, God. Yeah, here we go. I walk stumble over the bushes and feel the sweet release of a strained bladder. The next part is no bullshit. As I am pissing, I look down and see a very faint green stream coming from the tip of my

dick to the slightly glowing leaves and puddle on the ground, not the same green that comes from an extended trip to Tijuana. I finish up and head back to the group to tell them of my new discovery. I am met with calls of bullshit and shut the fuck up you fucking liar. After a few minutes of convincing someone else needs to take a leak, and he discovers the same pale glowing stream coming from his body. Naturally, we continue to piss glow stick and cover the surrounding area with our glowing piss.

I cannot say that I won't develop some weird form of dick cancer later in life from doing this, but I can say that I've not contracted an STD since doing this. Keep up the good work, buddy. I love the show. How about that? That's incredible. Everybody wants to try it. I want to try it now.

I kind of do. Right? We should do it. We should get like a sign of glow in the dark, phosphorus, non-toxic. I guess we gotta be real careful about it and see if it's true. Guys, I hate to say this, but I agree. We should do this at some point on air,

or in a live stream room. In a live stream? Oh, literally! All right. All right. What, piss all over the bunker? Is this where you're going? I know, no how.

I'm not a, I'm not a detail space. We will where you're going? I know, no how. Okay. I'm not a, I'm not a detail. We will have to sit down and I'm in that case. We have to turn all the lights off. We have to turn the lights off, right? And play like, but I don't, but I don't,

but music play like a, no, this is like a blue man group. Yeah. This is the next version of the blue man group where everybody just loads up on three gallons of glow in the dark and then does like a belagio piss show. Where you get like 10 guys like it's like the rockets except we're shooting glow in the dark piss at different levels like to an audio track like we can make our own waveform

right. And people are drinking red glow sticks and blue glow sticks agree glow stick. It's puppetry of a penis meets the blue Man group. That's actually very, very smart That would make a lot of money. I'm not kidding. Of course you would see it. All right, thanks Daniel Davis for that. Oh, I got a theme song for you. I would have played this earlier. Lecambra sent a couple songs. Oh, I love Lecambra. Here we go It's a good theme song. It's a really good. I don't know why it's called me a cuck I mean, it's great. I don't know if it's billboard material, but it's real good. Yes. A secret bonus track. Yes.

You're not advertised. No. So I guess we both are billboard, charting, artists. Yes! That's what I'm saying! As well as everyone who worked on the album presumably. Say a paper. Dr. Smoothrod, Dr. Matt Cal.

Yes, all of them are. That's incredible. Okay, let me give you another, let me give you another, uh, Lecembera song. I fucking love Lecembera. He's got great songs. This is a soulful one.

This is great. Yeah, man. Thinking about pissing out glow sticks. Yeah, man. Placing dust on the winds. Guess this. about pissing out glow sticks. Placing dust on the winds. Yes, it is. I close my eyes as I prep the bull for my wife to walk. God, David!

I open wide, wrap my lips around and give a hearty song. Oh, Jesus. Oh I can't believe the fall in these listeners put out, right? It's the best. Oh, love, dig. And ask him if he wants to hear my latest beat. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. All we are is ccks in the way I Know this song is good because it makes me look drink I know look I'm a liberal talk about liberal bullshit. I'm such a good person. I try so hard

Let me let me back up and say that if I were a woman, I'd be the last thing I would do as an half-sex with a stereo. Oh my god! I still love and respect. Don't be a fucking coward about it. Be a man about it. Just do it! Hello.

Hello. Can't say I was expecting this. I have to stay in a horribly painful bar. Oh, oh my. Oh, oh my. Mmm. Mmm. Now, my wife's song. Tells me I'm not funny and I yell too much I'm a live son

True Give me balls Yeah All year is Cux in the wind Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, Cuxin' No Wee, C Nice bringing in the bonkers. Going this to me. I'm like, fucking be like this. What's going on? What's going on? The 45 second fade out here.

Yeah. Yeah. That guy's incredible. He's amazing. The thing that I always say about this fan community is, it's like, it's people between the ages of 18 and 65 were all good at something. Yeah. Like, again, multiple medical professionals reach out to me about my ex-wife. Multiple. Two of them recommended the same experimental treatment course.

Yeah. They were like, have you ever heard of Blufferin? And I was like, yes, another Dixiel Fitch has told me about it. Wow. Like fucking incredible video editors, incredible musicians, animators, it's big, big apps. What a crazy group. Speaking of a group, I gotta give a shout out to the UK dickheads, they had a meetup. Did you see the, I'm trying to show you guys pictures.

I saw a picture there was one really cute girl there. Oh, unbelievable. She's the Rajveer Sahota. She's the one that's set up. She looks great. Oh, and then imagine this. She's the one that's set up. She looks right here. She looks hot. She looks great. And then imagine this, you see the way she looks when she opens her mouth at accent.

Yeah. Oh. That would be like, I would be like that guy in the Maxwell commercial with the sound or like looking at an atomic bomb. Just my cheeks fluttering, like, oh, bop bop bop bop bop bop. Oh my God, I can't take it.

If she's got the British accent and the Indian accent, that's a double whammy, that's real hot. You like the Indian accent? Who does it? That's hot, because it- And the one who's ever had to deal with technical support when he had been back. I like America for that.

I don't blame them. It's like if we paid people in this country, then we wouldn't have to hear these accents. Do you like all accents? Because they are, they don't remind you of America or of me. Yeah. Um. Yeah of me. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'm going to get too far into it, but it is hot.

I got one more thing to play you guys. It's the Consuelo podcast. Oh, excellent. He told me this was the last one. Oh, no. But he said I told him, I told him, I told him that he should do more, but here's. Yeah. Previews Liam Cons Consuelos podcast.

I'm outside the house of the Boulder Minion guy who wants me to teach him some gardening. Thank you for joining us. And now... Wait, I mean it Jorge, you are Maddox, the great killer of podcasts? Holy shit. I used to listen to your show every week. It was the only outlet I had to forget that I live in Mexico and you fucking killed it. You had a good thing, you stupid son of a bitch, you had dick, you had a podcast, a good

one, you had everything you needed and all wrong like clockwork, you could shut your mouth and make a speech for you, you ever needed it, it was perfect but no, you had to blew it up with your polyamory shit And you stupid fucking snacks. You know what? Fuck you. Fuck you and your gardening classes. Fuck you and your cricket field piece of shit house. I hope your podcast end in September 27 of this year So I can attend to the funeral. It's shit. Oh, I'm a dork being slammed. Yeah, I think so. Oh wait, hey Oh shit is this is this he's anigma

Oh fucking soup man Hey, what is this? Episode one, dick in Mexico. Hey, I'm from Mexico too. Well, I Mexico? Hey, I'm from Mexico too. I guess at the end we are much better now. Is Indon dryening ma? That's true. Now inigmy this is my fellow third world Amigo. Shoot it. Who is bad and not good? This person also sucks. Is this you? Is it Maddox? Ha ha ha ha that's right!

It's Maddox! Oh! How did you get my enigma? Gosh! I work so hard on these! I don't know Enigma. I just don't know. But now, let's get some munchachas!

BAMONO! MAMONO! Mabonos! Moutacha! Woohoo! Woohoo! Alright, that's the consuelo. Consuelo's podcast really gets around. It does.

It's not confined to the studio. It's got big guests. He's not that big guest. Yeah. Multiple, okay, I found a picture of the UK Dicad Sean. Say, look at this. I'm talking about... I'm telling you, I'm putting it under the auspice of just like, look

at the picture of these guys sent, but look at how beautiful this girl is. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. That's an offensive firm, if not, if I'm not a strong firm. All right. Let's do one more thing. Good for them.

Okay. I want to get, so the, um, the Kimbell and Clegg podcast had a massive breakdown. Really? Fight night with Kimbell and Clegg. It turns out that they couldn't keep that podcast going. Oh, yeah. They had a great together. No, they had a legendary four episode run.

Did they have four? Yeah, but then, but then they were, they had a legendary four episode run. Did they have four? Yeah, but then, but then they were, they were created. I mean, this must be like old news to you, buddy, to be here in another amazing podcast team break up. Well, it was the same reasons too. It turns out I got Kimble on the snacks. I got Kimble on the clothes.

I got Kimble on the line here. Hey, Kimble, get on the, get on the thing. Would you? Come on, come on. So Kimball's on the line right now. I listened, I listened to episode four, the whole thing, the first half that a stereo is on. And it's, oh, you were on it. Oh, yeah. It's hysterical. Really? I'll tell you why. Just real, real quick. People were tweeting at me. They were saying, will you go on fight night with Kim Blink Lagoon? I said, no, absolutely not. I definitely won't do that.

Of course. I value my time and myself and my name. But then, but here's the thing. I do a thing called the five minute podcast for Patreon. You go to patreon.com slash stereos, you pledge some money. I'll record a five minute podcast about literally whatever you want and send it just to you. So two people said, well, if I make my five-minute podcast this topic that you have to talk to David Clegg,

then you have to talk to David Clegg, right? As stereos will do anything for money, that's what he's saying. Exactly. And I said, yeah, I guess I do. And so I was paid $45 to talk to David Clegg for 10 minutes. Okay, I'm going to do it. Now the fourth episode is very funny.

I'll link to it. It's a stereo arguing with Clegg over who's it fault for biggest problem breaking up. It's a stereo is trying to convince the guy that things like snacks and the Titanic bit. Are not valid reasons for that? Well, they do not carry as much weight as accusing someone of maintaining a rape list and stealing money from them. Yeah, okay.

And it's like, Isterio's hammering this guy, just trying to show him that they're not equal. They're not equal. So why are we talking about the Titanic thing? Like, what get it out of your mind? Right? Like till your head and whack the other side of your head

until that falls out and focus on what's important. Your house is on fire. Your house is on fire. Don't worry about the dishes. That's what he's saying, right? Don't worry about hiding your porn. The house is on fire. Get out of that.

So I'm gonna play, just because I think it's funny, I'm gonna play the, now, Asterios was on the next episode too, episode five. So what happened was we tried to record episode five like last Monday. Mm-hmm. And so this one's whole meltdown happened. Okay, so we slept through the start time.

So this is the beginning of episode five and the end. The end of which ends in, I'm gonna warn you. This is actually, we haven't released this yet. This is what. This is secret exclusive content for the show, Sean. Because I'm also gonna be uploading the whole like unredacted on like the full like 30 minutes of the, like it's this for like, maybe 15, 30 minutes.

Okay. Can we release this? Well, we've got this guy saying, yes. Oh, there he is. He owns the copy, right? He's giving consent. So this was just to, to, to preface it, I found out about this because on the Facebook, Clegg came in saying that the, that the show has been destroyed

and not only that, but his own phone has been destroyed and a stereos and Kimble owe him a phone because he was so enraged by a joke a stereos made that he's so funny. The joke was so funny that he threw his five, he ever been so angry that he threw a fire of phone. And I identify with that because I've been that upset that I threw a phone. Happened one time.

I took it in and I told the guy that I sat on it. I was like, here, I pieced it back together with like spit and masking tape and I'm here. Give me another, give me another phone. This is in the blackberry days when you could do this because phone's cost nothing. I think it was, well, did you sit on it or did you run over it? It's coming and fucking full. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, here's the intro. Here's the, here's the beginning of Kimbell and Clegg episode five, the unared one.

The beginning of the, the beginning of the end. It's terrible. I think you guys should work it out. Like Kimbell, you sound like someone who's very difficult to work with the way you edit, the way you edit everything obsessively. Yeah, I mean, honestly, there are so many things that you have done in your editing to make David Clegg look bad, for example, including any of his audio. Why are you trying to hurt the guy? Here's the beginning. Here's the beginning. Wow. That's a must definitely a sleepy toaster. I guess I'm gonna start the show now. Welcome to the very end. No, we're not.

No, we're not. I'm still on mobile. It's a very. It doesn't never chance to switch off of mobile for crying out loud. Oh, this is the episode we're in. We're in a sweet guy. Just joining us as a stereos.

I'm on mobile and on speaker. It's going to fuck the audio sideways. Oh, how? All right. That's a big fun. This is what we got in store for this. How does he get through the day? All right.

Right? It's going to be a big fun. I don't know. It's fucking battling. Like, play. Tell us about your concerns with the audio quality, because you know, there are episodes of this podcast that sounded amazing.

What? Yeah, I've always added them properly. No, you haven't, you fuck! Was that the joke? Oh, nope, you should be going, hey, that's your co-host. Okay, okay, so it's a rough start. It's a rough start to this the last episode, right?

Stereo is there, poking the flame. Well, yeah, it sounds like you guys are trying to trap this guy. You're not letting him get set up properly. He's still on his mobile. A lot of our show is about traps, so. Okay, here is the epic breakdown. I guess you're like, I'm sure.

Sean, you're gonna want to town down the vault. You're gonna wear a ride down his vault. Right, level, but no, I've been doing it. If you're on a headphone, turn down your volume for this next one but no, I've been doing it. If you're on a headphone, turn to on your volume for this next one. Okay, I'm pulling it down. Here we go.

This is a stereo, this is joke that killed, maybe I think probably could have been one of the greatest podcasts of all time because I listen to those guys picker and insularious. All right. I don't know why I think it's so funny. It is funny. It's, I'm not kidding.

It is funny because, like, put some self in the middle of everything. Yes. you know, okay. Here you go. I Spatified in our meeting that we both have to constate anything being uploaded Like you mentioned consent earlier about me consent here. Wait. Wait. Wait. Is that true? Was that okay? So so he so on episode So, okay, so, so he, so on episode three, I believe, there's, or episode four, there's some like dodgy audio of like a stereo is making a pedophile joke and he didn't want it to be in there. But I didn't give a shit enough to edit it out because I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna

edit out something from the show. I don't want to like, yeah, if it's on, if it's on there, I'm gonna keep it in. It wasn't a pedophile joke. All I was saying was this David. David was talking about being hypothetically he's talked about it being attracted to a 900 year old vampire who happens to have the body of a nine year old girl. Okay, this was a mistake. No, no, no, no, Kimble.

So is that it was what he's saying true that he made you agree to have final edit of the podcast. Um, I like, so we had a meeting with like, uh, with some I got you through. Clear through it. Clear through it. Clear through it. More to the microphone, everybody.

I get it. Sorry. I'm sorry. Is your microphone a giant bang? What is it? What are you up to today? Kimball. He announced Kimball goes on Facebook and announces the end of the show with a video

like saying that the show is on the ropes and he doesn't know if it's gonna continue because there's a ton of people that follow the fight night with Kleg and Kimball, right? He goes on Facebook. He's like seven people, yeah. And he goes and does the video in front of a gigantic Israeli flag while his blonde highlights are trying.

Yeah, so he's in front of a huge israeli flag he stoned out of his mind he looks like blink 182 got it just all fuck each other and And then he's like yeah the show might not continue all this guy Going what is please explain this? please explain this i've known i've known a couple guys who had a judge i mean gigantic wall size israeli flag and he was a uh... fighter pilot for that is it the jd i have what is the name of their it's the jdl so do you like it's uh...

do you actually yeah he was a fighter pilot for the jdl the next time i see it is on, as on Kimbles, the fight night video is in trouble. I see it at Jacket. Like, what the fuck is, how do you expect anyone to listen to what you're saying when you get this giant look at me signing the background? Like, that's an interesting thing.

And one more, I also put my trunk hat on too. That's okay. See, that makes a, okay. Anyways, play, let me just play the end of the show so everyone can hear it. Like you mentioned consent earlier about me consign to your voice or something. Yeah, click since when do you care about consent? Oh, that's a good meme. That was worth stopping progress for it. Can we hear that again, please? You want to hear it again, Sean?

I'm triggered. What did he say? Because he has a thing. I don't know people understood. So let me give you the play by play. Oh, that's a good one. He was dead. That was worth going well.

I can't understand him. No, I can't. I think he's saying like I'm not a fucking any console. I think he's done. That's serious. Yeah, Kimble. You put you triggered them. You triggered him with your bullshit. I know exactly what that's like. I had a podcast partner that would trigger me all the time with bullshit. You mad at them. You mad at them and everyone knows it.

Even Clegg was saying Clegg's on Twitter saying that you mad at him. Let me give my side of the story since I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it.

I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it.

I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it. the way he interacts behind the scenes is very similar to the way you have described Maddox. Like because he he would like try and control what kind of bits I'd try to do. I'm like, like, hey, what if I do something next week that involved me having someone explain to you why saying the N words bad as a joke? And he's like, we're going to need to have something against you.

You can't look like this. But it's fair. Colleg will not stop saying the N word in its unredacted form on this podcast. With a hard heart. And he's like, it would be intellectually dishonest to censor this word. So I have to say in full, and we're just like, Colleg, you're living this society. I'm not doing what you're doing.

The only reason you're doing this is because you're like, oh, I've got an excuse to say the worst word You get a little bit of a charge out of saying the word buddy like don't try to hide behind this veil of like I'm the freest of the free thinkers because I say the N word and it's unredacted form This guy also he's a guy giving you shit about paywalls. Guess what? He's been part of two paywalls projects at this point David Clegg has hit his content behind two paywall projects at this point. David Clegg has hit his content behind two paywalls that no one has yet dared to scale. Oh, I see a lot of posts coming.

All right, well, Kimbo, what can we do to get the show back? Yes. There's a thread in Facebook where Kimbo goes, I don't need you anymore. I've got David Klog instead. Another impossibility. You know, we might have David Klog in the studio. No, I don't want to hear David Klog in the studio. Another impossible. You know, we might have David Klog in the studio. No, I don't, I don't want to hear David Klog in the studio. No, no, no, no.

What can we do to get the show back? Well, Clegg claims I need to buy him out for some reason. He's used that exact phrase. He says, I need to be bought out. He says, I, you know, I don't want to be, he says, I need to be bought out. But then he won't, I'm willing to entertain that offer, but then he won't be on the show. I want to be he says I need to be bought but then he won't I'm willing to entertain that offer But then he won't be on the show I want him on the show

So you know I asked him in Facebook messenger like what kind of buy out he want he wouldn't say like it's a Ian am I money on Facebook messenger now So I say I'm a penny and he lost his mind like he's something like a whole random I'm not taking it seriously. You're not. You're obviously not. It's all your fault. Well, the nice thing I'm a serious by which was three cents.

Yeah. Now don't negotiate with yourself. Don't be in that position. That's a bad position to be. You never want to negotiate with yourself. If you're not getting an offer back then you stop. That's I'm professional. But I want to keep in mind.

Do I need to involve Randy? I want to keep I want to keep in mind do I need to involve Randy? It's time for Randy to come heal. Yeah, I think we need Andy Randy. Oh, all right, well, I hope you guys get back together. Something else, Clegg has said is that he'll be willing to come on if he's paid a guest appearance fee. This is the flag we're talking about. The guy who reached fame by calling into this show calling me me a liar, saying you broke up the biggest problem. And then when you pushed him on it for even the smallest amount, said that he was sleepy and was flying by the seat of his pants, your brother.

He didn't have time to prepare. This human meme of a person is asking for an appearance fee on fight night with Kimball and Kleg. I'm thinking about paying it. I'm thinking we know let's get serious here. Do I have a vote? I can't afford to. Is it, I'll tell you what, that's what it's for. Yeah.

25 bucks, Kleg. Will you call into the show once a week for $25? That's on you though. I saw you though. I'm not saying you're a chart topping billboard recording artist. You know, this is how they do it. Then they get the Denali and they get the huge mansion and they get gold plated balls. And then they blow through all their billboard money. You're witnessing it right here. All right, Clegg. I'm going to let you go. But I'm going to get a review. I hate when people I'm sorry, Kimball. I'm going to get rid of you. I hate when people I'm sorry, Kimball, I'm gonna get rid of you here,

but I hope you get back together. Good luck. Don't buy them out. Don't negotiate with yourself number one, but we want to see both of you together. You work together. There is no show without these two people. And like, here's the thing about their show.

Oh, partner. Here's the thing about their show. You're a peanut butter and beastie-ality. God. You're a peanut butter. You only work together. God. Oh, you're a peanut butter. You only work together. You only work together. Oh, right, bye, buddy.

Clegg is doing this like, tournament of nerds ripoff thing on the show. Yeah. Where like, he's like, I'll pick she Hulk and you pick Wonder Woman and we'll argue about who's better. And Clegg thinks this is the show. No, it is.

No, this is the show. Kimball making fun of Clegg and Clegg making fun of Kimball. And Clegg is like, nobody's respected the rules of my pop culture debate podcast. And it's like, no one wants to hear that Clegg. I don't care what you think of She-Hulk. Like, I just want to hear you and Kimball strangly chug their over the phone for 40 minutes a week.

Look, it sounds to me like Clegg is in the bargaining position. He's got leverage. He's got money thrown at him. Left and right from Kimble and his stereos. One more, I've got one more gentleman I want to get it on here. And then we're going to place him voicemails. We're going to head out of here. Thanks for calling in, Kimble.

I got to, I listened to episode four with a stereo and I listened to the entire thing. I never listened to anything. Like I skip around when people send you links. I always jump around by listening to the, I listen to the. Did it help that we were talking entirely about you and your life? Yeah, yeah, I thought it might.

But even then, even then it's not, even then it's not a guarantee because I listen to voice mails. That's true. And they're all about me. Exactly. I literally, an episode four of Fight Now with Kim look like, it's not a guarantee because I don't listen to voice mails. That's true. And they're all about me. Exactly. I literally, an episode four of Fight Now with Kim look like I spend 45 minutes just trying to talk to David, like a human being, just like what, just like, like, do you think the

dick is a thief? Oh, he's like, no, like, it's like here. Yeah, no, no, no, this is a rager. Oh, what do you say? What do you say? So this gentleman sends me a message on Facebook after our bonus episode. Remember the bonus episode, the quote unquote,

official trap called in, a trans woman called in. Yeah, right. And she wanted advice on the ones that what? The bonus episode that everybody needs to go donate to the Patreon. Absolutely. The most real, it's the most real 10 minutes on a podcast.

You will ever hear. It's pretty much right. So the Chelsea called in, the official trap is just as Dustin dubbed her. And she was looking for an alpha male, basically, as she described it. And coach and I were, we're unable to, we were unable to fathom it because, you know, we're, we're sissy's, I guess you could say, we're just like, we're just guys who were attracted to women and we're like, this is out of our element. I kind of wrote it off at the time because we were, our position was like, look, you're competing with, oh, everyone's looking for this.

Everyone's looking for what you're looking for, like a strong alpha male. Your competition is steep, but then a gentleman writes me on Facebook afterwards after the bonus episode saying, hey, I'm this alpha male. I don't know how much information you want to give about yourself, but I am low key attracted to traps. So let the or to trans women. So let the trans woman know if there's some way I can get this message to her that that we exist, that this exists in the wild, please do so.

And I said, well, the only way to do that is to come on the show. Obviously. So, sir, can you give me some information about yourself? Uh, yeah. I was, what makes you an alpha, excuse me, what makes you an alpha male that this, that this official trap is, is, is desiring, I guess is a better question. I was, I was a grunt in the Marine Corps, did a two tours overseas. The first one was in Afghanistan. I was in the bloodiest battle of the Afghanistan war. Wow.

It was crummy shit. What was the name of the battle? I prefer not to say, because, oh, sure. Okay. I mean, I thought it was common knowledge and I was the idiot because I didn't know what it was. No, no, no. It's a specific unit that was in it. So so your documentary was strepo that they involved in a bunch of fire fights like a shun. Hey, Sean's going to figure out your identity.

That was an army unit. Oh, okay. It was. I didn't see it. I just heard about it. Go ahead. It was the the sang in river Valley. Oh, okay. It was the same thing. I just heard about it. Go ahead. It was the sang-in river valley. Ah, wow, the bloodiest. So you would say you're probably tougher than men who spend hours every week taking pot shots at other podcast hosts for orclothing

onto those guys who do that, right? You might be tougher than some of the someone who's writing someone else's enigma Ryan Yeah, I would definitely say that that particular individual is kind of a bitch What are your what are your stats? What are your what's your boxing stats? How big are you? I've been out of the military for a couple years, so I've packed on the pounds. I still look good though. That's good though. How tall though? How what do you like? 6, 7 feet tall, 8 feet tall, 20 feet tall.

6, 6, 1. I pension about two 75. So you're and you're into train, you're into train women, to trans women. I don't know what the proper. I'm there. Fucking calling them. I don't know what the term is. I feel uncomfortable. calling themselves in there. I don't know what the term is.

I feel uncomfortable. I'm a liberal. I feel uncomfortable. But you're into them. You're into transwimment. I, I, it's not something that's like public knowledge, but yes, I'm, I'm into them. How into them?

Like would you get set up with that? Is this like a, like a purely sexual thing? Or does it go beyond that? No, it's purely sexual. Wow. Look, look, everybody needs, everybody needs some no-strings attached fun. I mean, if we could, I don't know, maybe we could get you guys in some sort of Skype date or, it'd be nice to put you guys in touch because it seems like, yeah, would you

be into that? Yeah. Yeah, I'd be totally down. Oh, great. She's very nice. So, unbelievable. Well, she is very nice. She's very, very nice.

She is. She's very funny too. She may's very, very nice. She's very funny too. She may post a little bit too much, a lot too much. Very nice person. I got to ask you this because she was in a relationship with Kiwi Farms. I don't know if that's real or not. I sure it's not. Everybody said it was Facebook official. That means nothing. I've been in Facebook. I've been a lot of Facebook relationships. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's my point. Ever since writing Menorbede the Women,

the one chapter that everybody wants to know more about is the transsexual chapter, like the men who are whatever, cross dressing, trans, whatever. They're fucking fascinated by it. So please, please tell us what is the attraction? Like what brings you to this, what brings you to this watering hole?

All right. So you know how there are some people out there that truly, truly just believe that they're a fucking squirrel. No, what is that? And they don't know why. You've never heard, you never heard this before. Furries, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but they're like people that actually believe

that they're a fucking squirrel. Yeah, but they can't explain it. Yeah, sure. Same principle, it's just something I've always been into. You just end to it. It's hard to explain why you're attracted to what you're attracted. Not for me. Talk to me. Big titt attracted to what you're attracted. Not for me. Talk to me.

Big titties. Yeah. Come on. Maybe it was that so hard. Easy. Easy as thing in the world. No way. You know what?

Stutter for one cycle. That's simple. Simple explanation. Love them. I rescind my comment. I rescind my comment. Look at the way they're bouncing around. Boom, I don't have that.

No, I'm thinking about that too. I got everything else. I got everything else. I got eyes. I got a mouth. I got long hair. I got better hair than you, probably bitch. Look at this hair. My shampoo company's tweeting about my hair.

Everything else. Don't have them titties. That's what I'm talking about. What is it for you? What do you get for the man who has everything? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, I mean, I'm talking about. What is it for you? What do you get for the man who has everything? Yeah, yeah, essentially. Well, I mean, I exclusively date women. Okay.

Just, it's just a preference, but I'm down to hot, I'm down to pound some man ass. do you, do you, are you into the fact that they are traps or do you mentally think of them as women? Mentally they're subservient to me and deserve punishment with my dick. Oh, what happens when you see a penis? Yeah, good question. Took that little fucker away. Oh, okay, so you don't like to see Captain Winky. If he makes an appearance, it's a board mission. Well, not even that. It's just then, not into that. I am a total top.

Okay. I'm not a second-year dick, but you're a second-mind. Right. Yeah. And they were, they're not going home to me, Mom. Oh, fuck no. Okay. Mom's a Southern Baptist. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Is that part of the appeal? It's like I'm doing something naughty.

Okay. All right, well, I think we got to... It's how it's like you want to. Yeah, I think we got to set this guy. I think we got to get your Skype date happening. Yeah. Okay. Do you mind if we do that?

You're going to have to set up like, you know, 10 fake accounts and stuff, because Chelsea's dating like the internet version of Colombo. So you're going to have to really protect yourself. Also known as Sean. No, no, no, no, Chelsea's all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. We're gonna we're gonna set that up. Yeah, I'm totally down. You know my real name on Facebook. So you can just love all the power. Wow.

You have all the power. All right, buddy. I'm gonna hit you up. I hit you up later. Thanks for calling in. Appreciate it, man. If you can make a love connection on this show, that's a great thing. If you can bring two people together who can just, just, just, just get it, just get out of all their rage and frustration, just, that's great. I know he's sincere, but it sounds so insincere.

It sounds so, me. Yeah. Ah, whatever. Okay, I think it's a cool thing. Me too. We's so mean. Yeah. Whatever. Okay. I think it's a cool thing. Me too. Um, we got to figure it out. We got to figure out this whole trans thing.

That's what we got to do it. We'll figure it out. Thanks for coming on the show, Sterea. You're going to stick around for a bonus episode. We're going to bonus episode after this, where I talk about the live show, the biggest problem. I'm going to go point by point through that. I love this because I don't know about this.

It's here. You didn't know. I love it. It's how many, what, a couple of years old or whatnot and like it's like, here, you know, I'm just learning things about the old show. I'll tell you that the live show, Saga, starts on episode 40 of the biggest problem. And we are, this is our 39th episode of this show. Yeah. So the old show has been, had been going on exactly as long as this show

have been going on. Like if there's, if there's any kind of context for you to keep in mind while I'm telling this story, I can't wait for this. Yeah. Good. We're going to take a little break. A serious thing if you stop me by, do you want to plug anything? Yeah. A serious chart topping billboard chart topping recording artist, recording comedian, Stereo's Cokeno's, aka Santa Cuck. That's gonna be what he's known for. Huge and Denmark. Huge and Denmark. Number 11, he's Cokeno's. Got a Patreon.com slash the Stereo's to do

to get involved with the Stereo's bullshit. You've been listening to the Dixho. TheDixho.com for more Patreon.com slash the Dixho. What's serious, and I're gonna be doing a movie commentary on the predator, you can get that there. Give, just throw it on there. You pledge a buck and give it to me. Exactly, look, you can get that there. You can just throw it down there. You pledge a buck and give it there.

Exactly, look, you get the video. Just get involved. Yeah, just get involved. Throw it in, throw it in. It's literally, you pledge a dollar, you'll get access to the predator commentary track that we're gonna record, and also you'll get access to the older commentary track,

the one for Ghostbusters. That's right, that's right, it's all cumulative. Exactly, we're not, we don't make up some stupid currency to get the bonus content here. Yeah, you don't pay for it in dick dollars. Yeah. I mean, that would, wait, just real quick. That would be pretty stupid. That would be pretty stupid. I mean, if you were to be able, if I were to pay for your content in some sort of non-easy to use currency, like like dickles or something, dickles. exactly. You know, a coconut scenarios.

If you were to be so egotistical, so short-sighted, that you thought you could create your own currency, that would be pretty dumb. Yeah, it was. Oh, all right. This has been the Dix Show. See you next Tuesday. This track was provided by Roderie and Andrew Mosteller.

They run the K-pop show. They got a K-pop podcast. So maybe Kimball and Clegg isn't your thing. Maybe you wanna check out some K-pop. There you go. I think I've been talking to this guy. Oh yeah? Yeah, what you guys been talking about?

Audio stuff. K-pop stuff. No, you're secretly a K-pop stuff. No you see clearly a Kpop guy This is really good they're really really really good. I Want them to make an album I mean if it got anywhere near Santa Cuck, that's a brilliant idea. Yeah, lightning strike and twice. Yeah. Okay, I got some voice sounds too.

Okay, hey, this is Mark calling. I had a complaint about a few weeks ago. You guys were complaining about guys sitting down to pee. Yes, degenerate. I just find that simply unfair because when you go over to someone's house, if you miss that toilet, you are responsible for whatever happens. And that is quite simply a mistake and risk I'm not willing to take. Now if the options are a urinal or a toilet I'm going to choose the urinal but to risk standing up

over a toilet there's a chance I'm not saying it's going to happen but there's a chance especially in the beginning that initial first of this could miss what did you just have sex right before cleaning it up is not something I'd like to do right now. Sitting down on a pee I think it's a bad rap and that's all I have to say about that. Yeah have a good one guys. We need urinals. There needs to be urinals in houses. Yeah, you know, again though, like... Hey, in response to the guy who called in about sitting while taking a piss, that guy didn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

Here are a couple of actual valid points of occasionally sitting down to a d went your whistle. Number one, if you have just game recently, and you have to piss, if you walk into that bathroom and you stand up, you will face the inevitable and the infamous split stream. Me myself in the rain. Yes. I'll over the fucking place. And it doesn't matter if you have a chick living with you who's gonna yell at you or not nobody wants to all over the place you

sure have the lights which especially if like you said I'll start to sit down on your own pit seen in a thousand times point number two on occasion it is nice to sit down because what is the number one source of all the greatest ideas in the world? It's sitting on the ship. It's about a point. You think, huh, I might want to brainstorm a little bit, but you to pride yourself of that. You to pride yourself. the family on that witness the euphoria of uh... all of the blood in your brain

just opening up and pouring you the greatest of the world how could you cast that up stupid anyways yeah those are better guys i would really but i i think i suppose it all All you gotta do, you just get a carton of those swizzle straws that they usually do to mix coffee,

and you just jab that in your pee hole. After you have sex, no big deal. No split streams at all. That guy's stupid. I'm smart. You're like the littlest chimney sweep. Just kidding. Yeah, no big deal.

You put deodorant on your armpits, that's what that's stupid. That's just putting stuff on your body, you got to do maintenance. That's exactly right. You got to brush your teeth, you got to clean your reed. Yeah, you got to clean your reed. You got to clear that reed. Yeah, you got to clear that out. And maybe just leave the swizzle straw in there.

Still a straw. Exactly. Still a straw. Now you've got a straw and you at all times, in case you need a straw. Full proof. Full proof system. That's all I'm saying. Go to your room.

Dick, sometimes I'm just sitting down because I don't want to touch my dick and have to watch my hands. Why don't I want to watch my hands? Because I've been using a lot of moisturizer lately and I don't want to watch my moisturizer rock. And if you can't chat with that, I've been using a lot of moisturizer because I've been doing a lot of fighting lately and fighting to drive my hands out. Whoa.

Love the show guys, go fuck yourself. Okay, cool. This is a very triggering, I know. This is a very triggering rate. It's a cage. I know. It did this. It's interesting to me because for, Regis don't often last this long.

For weeks, I go into the chat, I go on to the Reddit, and the Facebook people are talking about, well, sometimes it's okay to sit to piss. And it's like, she really got in their fucking hands. She really got, yeah, she really got. When I'm in the same if a man had said it. No. A woman starts telling you how to piss. Yes.

You, my eye, you ought to. You ought to. Right to the moon. But then you out yourself as a piss sitter. Yeah. Which is not great. There you do. Hey, Dick, Bachelor of Husband here.

Just calling in for that guy who is wondering if you should take that job at Minards. All I can say is, don't. My brother-in-law had a full-time job at Minards and left after six months. He hated it. Terrible place to work. So that guy should just stay where he is right now. And you know what? If in six months all those hot chicks quit at his current job.

You know what? That job at Minard is still going to be open because that job sucks and the turnover is incredible so that guy just stays where he is right now and enjoys those hot chicks later. So we were right. That's that guy's coming. Yeah, that guy's coming from the future, telling you not to get a job at cards. This is the show where you get that advice. Don't don't take that job.

Stay at your other job, your part time job with the hot chicks. Don't take that other job. The full time one at Minards, because Minards sucks. My brother worked for Minards sucks. We're still buying it. I believe he specifically said, like, should I go for this job that makes more money, or should I keep just barely making enough to live?

Yeah. So I can hang out with these three hot girls. He said he doesn't like to challenge himself. He said that specifically. He wants to kind of like challenging yourself. It's probably not gonna work I said white right you might fail

Hey dick it's lagging more from one island you know it makes me rage is corporate virtue signaling we got a new big boss this week he spent an hour lecturing us about how he believes in honesty and he cares about people and he's results driven fucking hour lecturing us about how he believes in honesty and he cares about people and his results driven fucking hour lecturing us about this shit. What is that? You're not supposed to be honest and you don't care about people and you don't care about

results. It's like you really, really need to lecture us for an hour about this bullshit. It's virtually signaling, it's a meaningless, that's not right this week. So stupid. Yeah, every, every company, you get to sit there. The same for a job interview. So why do you think you should work here? I mean, you know, so I need money.

Yeah, it's not enough for me to just show up and do the job. I've got to humiliate myself in front of you by lying about who I am. Yeah. That's what you need. You fucking bastard. That's what you need. You fucking bastard. That's what you need me to do, you son of a bitch.

You can't, because you, you are so precious about your ego that you can't just hire me knowing the truth because you got to turn around and tell somebody that you're so smart, you detected who was the best at lying. Yeah, sure. You couldn't just, it's just random. You don't know. I've who was the best at lying. Yeah, sure. You couldn't just, it's just random, you don't know. I've always been the best to hire is you go, you bastard. That's the interview that I want to see. It's like, oh, so what qualifies you to work here?

What, nothing. No, you're not qualified to be doing what you, none of us are qualified. I'm gonna show up, I'll get paid. Absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing, got what we're gonna say? Oh, it's gonna say it's so weird because they ask you to like pledge your loyalty and feel tea. Absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing. Got what we're gonna say? Oh, it's gonna say it's so weird

because they ask you to like pledge your loyalty and feelty. It's like, it's always been my dream to work at the UPS store. Yeah. I love coming in here as a kid and the people are always nice and have such positive warm

associations with the UPS store. I wish I'd let my toys were virginity to the UPS store. You were fucking idiot. Yes. You fucking moron. That's idiot. Yes. Fucking moron. That's why. Because that my dad tried to turn himself into a UPS truck when I was a kid.

That's how much I love brown. I love it so fucking much logistics. I'm gonna come. You guys keep talking about how you're connecting the fucking world. Those ads that you guys did where you drew on a white you had some asshole drawn a whiteboard and condescended to America. Can you think that's why? Dumber internet content that some asshole drawing on a whiteboard. Just talking, talking, talking, talking like they're fucking smart. God, that pisses me off. Anyway, yeah.

One more, I got one more, somebody from Facebook sent this to me about Reddit. We got a whole rival, we got a whole Dustin. I got one more somebody from Facebook sent this to me about Reddit. We got a whole rival. He's a whole Dustin. I wanted to talk about the Dustin thing with you, but we don't have the time. Maybe we'll talk about the bonus episode. Here it is. This one's going out to the man from Reddit. I said that he could come around Facebook and kick all his asses. Listen, he ain't.

No, you remember how I said all shit talking should be delivered by WF style? And fraction of it is doing that. I haven't listened to it. I think that's what he's doing. I'm gonna come down there to Reddit. I'm gonna break you in half, buddy. Yeah. I'm gonna take you down.

I'm gonna take down your whole group. I'm gonna break you into pieces. You're gonna have to start a Patreon. Just to stuff back together. You suckers. You want to come on down the Facebook. Come on down. I'll take you apart. We're serving up ass weapons. All these standards open 24 hours a day. Any words or any kind of bullying or else I'll have my Facebook account barred. Don't you fucking bully on Facebook? I'm just writing because I don't I don't just use it for the dick show. I also use my Facebook account to keep up with relatives.

He's got a whole lot of people out there. Is this a successful man? Like my grandma. He's fucking grandma on Facebook, but you know, I don't want to call her. He's getting in the way. He's getting in the way. When you come down brother, I'm gonna take you down brother. I'm gonna take down your whole group. Bring it back. Oh, my goodness I'm gonna take you down by the wrong take down the whole group

Bring it Oh Cajun rastas like home. Oh bring it. He's the gator. That's the Facebook gator That's where he breaks you. Yeah, he breaks you like a three-year-old at Disney World Too soon. Ah, that's done.