The Dick Show - Episode 399 - Dick on 100% Content

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

A fat woman orders a Lyft, Milei balances the budget, female cops dancing and using doors as target practice, Reddit's smug Terminator robots, Google's history, Australian Jews threaten the entire world, yeast infection bread, a 16 washing machine-sized asteroid, "freedom isn't free", and long distance relationships; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Is that a hammer right there? This mallet? I can't see the head of it. Oh man. What's that for? Oh. Vito. I should have never dared to try to stump Vito this week.

Really? He was on fire this week. Yeah. Wow. I tried to fuck him over. Yeah. And he... With the weigh-in thing?

With the weigh-in thing. Yeah. But... Tried to play a little trick on him. Yeah. And he with a way in thing or the way in thing. Yeah. But tried to play a little trick on him. Yeah. But there was no trick in him. Really? Says it's recording. All right. Oh, I probably forgot to rumble. I'm probably streaming on the biggest problem channel right now. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh. Sorry, sorry, sorry. And I closed the window. God damn it. Yep. Hmm Oh, this stupid shit gotta do every fucking time. Okay, there, disgusting.

Salty crew, Blondale. What is that? It tastes like fucking seawater. Really? It's disgusting. Salt was what you used to put around the rim of a terrible, undrinkableable beer That was my first beer at your house What was it like a way back fucking Coors light or something or a 40 of course light a 40 of Coors light And it was I couldn't I couldn't even swallow it. It was so disgusting

I mean nobody said, you know put some salt salt, salt in it, it'll help you taste. I think I about pour to half a marten's. Oh, he had you pour. Oh, he say put it on the lid. I think by the end of it, I was just dumping salt into it. I probably drank about, you know, a thimble of beer. Oh God. Oh my God.

How could anyone drink this stuff? Thank God I have no chance of getting hooked on this stuff, it's disgusting, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's disgusting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's weird? Nobody likes diet soda at first. Almost nobody likes sushi at first. Really? You have to...

It's the second time. Oh, the second time. It's always the second time. Like you try it again. You try other things again. You're like, ah, there is something to that. I don't know why I like it, but I do. And like beer is one of those things to me. Yeah.

Just alcohol and, you know, some people are never gonna be able to drink the hard stuff. Some people are never gonna be able to become alcoholics. No. That's, you know, too bad for, cause they have low testosterone. They should be getting the T shots. Maybe so.

Yeah. You know, some people, you know, I was never gonna play in the NBA. Some people can never become alcoholics. We all have our, you know, we've all got our burdens. I forget why I started talking about, oh yeah, the snow, you saying, watching guys wreck, kicking back a couple of beers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, where it's like, hey, it looks like the kids are having fun. Let's, you know, now I'm too, you know, 210 pound guy goes down, you know, there's a huge in the spring, the water that runs off the mountains. There's rocks under all this snow. No, incredible amount of rocks. Oh my God.

If the snow wasn't here, you couldn't just run around and frolic like a lego. Like, yeah, it's, yeah. And guys are just getting off these, I'm like, God, they're going over these berms that are like, they basically built to stop the kids. Yeah. But they're, you know, cause they weigh a lot more.

They're going right the fuck over there. It's like, God, you guys are, you guys are going to fucking crush your discs. When we went, uh, oh God, I don't want to, I don't want to ever hear anything about discs again for the rest of my life. Why? I threw my back out. Oh, you did. Normal thing. Right. Yeah. People are helping me by saying I threw my back out. Oh, you did. Normal thing, right? Yeah. People are helping me by saying I, through my, I, this chiropractor talk of throwing discs out,

messing up discs. That's like a serious back injury. Slipping discs, herniating discs. It's not a, you don't like throw it out of whack a little bit and then they just pop your spine back together. Right? That's not a real thing. Well, I mean, that's how the spine works. The discs are, I don't think. In between your spine back together, right? That's not a real thing. Well, I mean, that's how the spine works.

The discs are, I don't think. In between your vertebrae, right? And you can, you know, you can rupture those. Fuck, they're like shock absorbers, right? And they get... It's not a router. You can't just restart your spine into working again, right? It's prolonged degenerative use that ends in serious

health complications of, you know, disc issues. It's not crack, oops, better pop that back in. Yeah, I mean, I don't think it's that simple. Maybe there's, you know, maybe it'll give you some real quick temporary relief, but I don't think you can fix anything doing that. It's quackery. I was, when we were at the snow last week,

like you're saying, at the end, when we were walking back to the car, there's people that are so antsy when they get out of their car to start the sledding. They probably just picked up the sled at Ralph's or John's or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, all right, big fat Mexicans, you know.

Yeah. All right, here we go. Did you see a lot of broken sleds just left by the wayside? Seriously, there were like shards of sleds everywhere. It's like, dad tried to take a turn. That's what happened. The kid goes home crying.

That was good last week. Let's give it a shot. Broken fucking sleds. I saw, right when we were getting back to the car, I came upon this man who had a big fat wife and a little fat kid in tow. And he was trying to line his sled up for a death defying drop of about eight feet.

Cause you know, the roads have this, this, berm on either side of them up there. So it's like, so it's when the snow happens, the guy's thinking, oh yeah, this is made, it's perfect. It's a little sledding. And he's lining, he's lining the sled up where he's either going to drop from a gigantic rock into a bunch of snow,

or go from a bunch of snow into a gigantic rock. So neither one is, ideally, you would just want snow into snow, right? That's obvious. But instead of walking another 10 feet or perhaps not having the most exciting day of his life, he's decided between starting on a rock and going into snow or starting in snow and going straight into a rock and he's, I can see him talking to his wife like, well how about,

how about this? How about this? And she's like, I don't know. She's got this look like, oh man this is not gonna be good. she's like, I don't know. She's got this look like, oh man, this is not gonna be good. It's gonna be a one and done day. Yeah, and I was about to shout out, but then I thought, I know, I think I wanna see this. I think I wanna see this to its conclusion. You kinda have to.

When you see somebody about to make a really, really bad decision, a better person might, you know, warn them, but I don't know him. And now there's person might, you know, warn them, but I don't, I don't know him. And now there's going to be, you know, there's, it's potentially incredibly entertaining. And if you haven't figured out what you should or should not do by that age, punishes good people. It can't. You try to stop people from destroying themselves. They'll destroy you. That's what I've learned. You know, that's what that's the one thing I would like to impress upon the

younger listeners. If you try to stop someone from destroying themselves. No good deed goes unpunished. Yes. That's true. There's a lot of truth to that. True in every way. There's a lot of truth to that. I didn't end up seeing he was- Somehow they'll blame you. And it is your fault. You've impeded them upon their progress to destruction. You psyched them out. You deserve it. Let them go. Encourage them upon their progress to destruction. You psyched them out. You deserve it. Yeah.

Let them go, encourage them in their journey. Right. Towards sledding into a giant rock. Total consciousness. If they asked, and their death bed, they would receive total consciousness. I would personally, I wouldn't slide into either of them.

Right. Because you know, it's a certain death and doom. This doesn't end well. But if I had to pick, I'd start on the rock. And go into snow. And go into snow. Just me. It's gonna be a rough start.

Just me. But you know. Your mileage may vary. So they... What do you think about... I'll tell you about what this hammer's for. What is this? So what happened?

Well, fucking Vito, you know how... No, no, I mean the sledding guy. Oh, he quit. Oh, he didn't do it? He didn't end up doing it how- No, no, I mean the sledding guy. Oh, he quit. Oh, he didn't do it? He didn't end up doing it. Oh, damn it. What does this say to you? This logo.

100% peto free content. 100% peto pause free content, right? Is that what that says? Well, this is a response to all the, well, these guys called veto pedophile. But then it turned out they hired an actual convicted child molester to draw. So every, you know what, put this logo on their comics, these comics guys, man.

Well, how about just don't go around calling people? No, okay. But we're past that. Aren't we? Yeah. Yeah. These comments guys man. Well, how about just don't go around calling people? No, okay, but we're past that, aren't we? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not happening. No, that's not happening. No, putting a shit back in that horse, right? 100%, 100%. So these, they've designed a logo to show how they're not, that they're going to stamp their, their comic books with, that says 100% pedo, and then there's an apostrophe or a block or something free content. So it's 100% petto. Yeah.

Keep it 100 free. That's what that says, right? 100% petto, 100% free content. You can read it that way. I mean, no, I know also you can, you can put an apostrophe when you're intentionally leaving out the full word. So pedophile free content. Oh, 100%. 100% pedophile. Yeah, pedophile. The apostrophe takes the place of the- It could be right.

That could be what they're saying. You can do that. But maybe it's best not to be vague in these. Right. In these gotcha times. Yes. No, two year overall point. You know, if some of a reasonable man

can come upon this and confuse it to mean 100% petto, 100% free, wait just a minute, they're talking to me. Right, yeah. It's the only teen club where adults get in free, like wait a minute, wait a minute. You just making that up? No, that's from Tim Robinson show, Detroit Detroiters where they're a shitty ad agency.

That's funny. That's like the best version of Chos' The Night Before Christmas. But Tults get in free. Yeah. You can come party with me. Vito, he's got this, he's got this game where he gets on a scale for toys that people send in. Right. Because he wouldn't do it for money, but he'll do it for toys. Again, he left, he didn't learn his lesson, he left the toy here because he was so upset.

Someone sent in another of this Mother's Milk toy. What the fuck is Mother's Milk? He's a guy from The Boys, that show. Oh, really? What? Yeah, that's his name, Mother's milk. He's a guy from the boys that show. Oh, really? What? Yeah, that's his name, Mother's Milk. I don't know why. It's kind of gross on a dumb name.

Well, he's the guy who's like, I'm out, right? All the time, like, is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm too old for this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, okay. So somebody gave, somebody sent that in and I,

somebody also sent in a Gaiya's Cradle, which is like a thousand1,000 magic card. So me being clever, I thought I would slide the Gaia's Cradle in the side of this box of Funko Pop, because the Funko Pop I knew would enrage him. And I thought that Vito would take the Funko Pop box and get so enraged that he would smash the box, thus destroying the Gaia's Cradle

that I had hid in the box. Man, you're dirty You're fucking dirty There are just no The rules are constantly changing from moment to moment Oh my god, yeah So he gets on the scale and then he gets his, he gets his mother's milk out. Yeah. And he's, he's upset and enraged and I helpfully had this hammer, of course he did.

You know, right on the right. I'm like, well, here's a hammer. If you want to, you know, if you happen to need it. Yeah. So he takes it, looks at it, and I'm like, Jack Nicholson, right? Yeah. Which one is the golfer? I can never remember. Oh, Nicholas. Nicholas. Jack Nicholson going, ah, ah, ah, right?

And then he goes, and he decides inexplicably to take it out of the box. Oh, wow. To smash the solid vinyl toy, which cannot be crushed, right? This is like indestructible. Is it? Yeah, here, feel it. I mean, it's mass produced, cheap plastic shit.

It's like a cement. Yeah, and it gives a little bit with that rubber. You can't crush it with a hammer by any stretch. You can't even dent it. Not a rubber mallet, I don't think. Maybe not even with a sledgehammer, I don't know. So he takes it out of the box to crush inexplicably to crush the toy.

Right, right? Yeah, cause it's, yeah, okay, sure. And then the gay is cradle falls out. He's like, oh, I got, and he's so happy. And he, cause he won. Cause he won. He got it. So he took that car.

So I, yeah, my esteem is lowered in people's eyes because I've tried to do something dirty and I failed. Man, that's a big loss for me. I wonder what I was really wanted to see that look of I can't believe what I've just done I've just destroyed a priceless magic card, you know, I wanted to see it. Yeah, I Don't know. Maybe there was just this this way back in the back of his subconscious instinct that he needed to just see a little more.

I know, I suspect that. There's a little, humans have instincts too. If you listen to people who are attacked by wild animals, they don't see coming or something, it's like you'll hear them, it's like I just got this unnerved feeling that I was being watched or being like, you know, and it's like, maybe that's them coming back,

thinking back after the event and creating that, or maybe they really do feel like that. They're like, all of a sudden I just got this sense that, and then the shark hit me, you know, like. I do feel like when those alligators try to grab the guy the gazelles that are coming to drink at the water Yeah, yeah, yeah, grab them and then they get away somehow. I feel like when they and when they show him like slinking off That's how I felt Almost almost got that fucker got him by the face, but I should have taped it

I should have taped I should have super glued this or something. So he would have got so outraged, he would have smashed it. Oh man. But I thought the tape would throw inside. You know, it's a whole bunch, spy versus spy. Yeah. Not lost. It's a dirty game. It's a dirty game.

But he's stumping everybody this week. So I don't know. I shouldn't have tried it. All right, let's start the show. It's on a roll. Let's begin the show. Presenting. Did I connect everything in here. Yes, I am connected.

Skype has updated. Skype needs to update every time you run it. I'm sure it does. Yeah! Hey, welcome to Nick! You want to take a knee-to-Kew, you want to take a knee-to-Kew, you got it! It's a show where every contest can be live from Mountain Bunker, Deep in the Heart of City, Failure. I'm your host, Dick Masterson, aka the $20 million man.

Join me as always. Thanks for watching. Oh, I'm a dick. You want dick, you need dick, you have dick, you bet. It's a show where it was a contest coming live from Mountain Bunker Deep and Hardest to be a Failure. I'm your host, Dick Masterson, aka the $20 million man. Joining me is always his world touring LA based comedian Sean, the audio engineer. Hello, dick. What's up, buddy? Not much.

How you doing? Good. How you doing? You remember that guy Brandon Herrera who called in? I do. The gun guy? Yeah, yeah, sure. He's running for Congress, right?

Uh-huh. So he's running for Congress. So they're pulling up all these, like, all the hit pieces on him or like shit that like internet people say. Like normal shit. Here's an attack ad that's running on him right now. It said, Brandon Herrera mocking the veteran suicide crisis.

And it's got Brandon Herrera looking sharp and muscular and his suit with no tie and a shirt popped up smirking. And he says, this is a quote from Brandon Herera. I think about often putting a gun in my mouth. So basically I'm an honorary veteran. I mean, that's internet entertainment. I mean, you know, I'll never run for public office. So he's got to win, man.

Well, you got to win. We got to, we got to cut. We got to push so hard that they can't even pull quotes on us anymore. At some point, you know, I think at some point this will be more normal. Like everybody moment, everybody. This is the infection point where we're saying,

we're saying, you know, where it's like, yeah, I know. I'm saying all kinds of shit cause it's a cheap laugh. We're going to give you guys quotes. It's like, I kill dogs for fun. That's politics now Go ahead and print that and see if anyone gives a fuck now right run it come on, Brandt We've got this we've got to win this one Do you remember I think about often putting a gun in my mouth so basically I'm an honorary veteran. Yeah, fuck you That's the translation yeah, fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. That's the translation.

Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Stop worrying about this shit. Fuck you. You're just using everybody, you're using everybody to steal from them. If you don't occasionally think of putting a gun in your mouth,

I don't know that I can trust you. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I can see it in your eyes too. Yeah, yeah. I can see it in your eyes too. Yeah. I can see it in people's eyes. Kids always. Like you never thought about shit.

Look at that. But even older people in their 20s, like, yeah, I don't see it in there. It's been a fleeting thought. Can't trust you. Yeah. Now you haven't even taken it out of the box yet and toyed with it. Trust you. I think about putting a gun in my mouth.

100% petto a hundred percent free. Keep it 100. Maybe not in that regard. Uh, oh yeah. Here's more Maddox shit. Man, we got to do the, on the bonus episode, should we listen to his, his radio interview, his AM radio interview? I mean, we should listen to it all at some point. I mean, let's do the radio interview, and then we'll do a whatever's next on his video.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll shut these people up who are just crying for more Maddox content. The radio interview should be very exciting though. I think so. Do you know how long it is? It's only like 15 minutes. Oh, it's 15 minutes.

So we should be able to knock that out. Yeah, yeah, that would be good. We can really take our time on a 15 minute piece, I think. Maybe we'll, maybe we'll do it this week. Okay. We have time. I also realized something. I get, I'm hooked into this Love is Blind show. Oh, okay. The prank show where they set up guys who have never been validated in their lives with fat women. They've set them up on blind dates and they make them talk and fall in love. And then they show each other.

They prank the guys by showing them and the women will say, they'll try to suss out if they're fat, right? But they don't have a good way to do it. The guys. The guys. So they talk to that before they see each other. Yeah. Yeah.

They talk constantly, like obsessively, you know. All the time giving them booze and whatever to try to induce a feeling of attachment in the men so that they'll feel guilty for dumping them when they see that they're, you know. So they have a fake relationship basically like they never see each other. Predicated on lies, with the absence of micro emotions, you know, human interaction. So then they pop these hippos on the guys

and the women are like totally devastated because the guys are not attracted to them. So then they spend the next week or so of the prank show with the women like just getting increasingly irate and talking about their bodies and how important it is that the guys validate their big fat bodies. And didn't you say when we were, when we couldn't see each other that you,

remember when I said I looked like Megan Fox, don't you agree? And I looked like Megan Fox, I'm like, yeah. Like mega Fox. Damn it. I was trying to think of a joke for Megan Fox for a week. And you just rattled it off like it's nothing. The- Megan Fox, yeah.

The older- Megan Fox, more like Megan Fox. Damn it. The older, you know, the more brain damaged I get, the puns come easier. And that's always the, that's a sign of some kind of brain damage. My point was with this show is to the gentleman

that wrote in last week asking what to do in the event of a breakup that he's going through. Yeah, yeah. Just put on one of these shows and watch these morons, these slobs and these guys who, there's only a little tiny piece of them left. There's barely any humanity to them.

Watch them talk about their feelings and realize that you are feeling those two and it will cure you. You will say, I got nothing in common with these people. I don't feel that shit at all. Yeah, you know, sometimes it's, sometimes you do have to feel better. That's what the show is for. You do have to feel a better body.

That's what the show is for. Yeah, I mean it's- That's why they're pranking these poor guys. And then, so then they got like Love Is Blind Japan and Love Is Blind Sweden. Really? I'm not watching that yet. They're doing it because it's so cheap to make and it's so like, you know, it's so funny.

It's such a funny prank to do to people. How long has this been out? What's- I don't know, a couple of years. It's been been going on and I put on one of those just to see it and everyone Every woman on there is skinny. Yeah, like normal size like it's the 90s again. It's like, yeah It's not quite the same guys you need the American women make this show well, we do we because they're we are American women make this show. Well, we do. Because they're so big.

We are entertainment. You know, I mean, like the United States entertainment has influenced the rest of the world. In that specific way. Here's one I'm starting early today. Oh, no, it got deleted. Oh, you fucking bitch. That must have been a good one. Oh, man.

Who's got the picture of the woman saying, oh, there's a woman asking a Lyft driver how many people can fit in his car? She says six people can fit in your car, right? And he goes, six normal sized people with a smiley face. He hadn't seen her yet? I don't think, I don't know. I don't know if Lyft has a picture of you on it,

but it is smart of him. They're not, a skinny person would not ask that question. You know, that's- Because they know how cars work, right? Have you ever asked like, oh wow, does your car seat five people or two or three? right? Two or three, right? And then she was very upset by that. And then this was this was something she had posted earlier.

Just walked my first ever runway. Yeah. Yeah. She's asking how many people can fit in the. Uber. That's a lift. It's probably a good question, right? I think one. If we're going by this runway.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a, you would have been right on with, yeah, probably not a skinny person would have asked that question. I can't believe she deleted that. Fucking bitch. I'm so pissed off about this. Well, six normal sized people.

Just watch the first runway. She is not cleared for takeoff. Jumbo jet. Yeah, so he's a... Jumbo jumbo. He's in line behind a FedEx cargo plane. Okay, I got some Maddox stuff. Oh, you do?

Oh, good. Oh, good. This is Maddox's response to the person he called the Child Protective Services on, because they were making fun of him. Yeah, when did he do this? Years and years ago. You mean a person who sent unsolicited hate as part of a half decade harassment campaign?

What is this half decade thing? I don't know. Nobody refers to half a decade, do they? No, they would say like years long. Five years. Like a five year, you know, ongoing. Harassment campaign. It's so weird.

So somebody said, why'd you call CPS on the guy who's making fun of you? You mean a person who sent uncelestated hate as part of a half decade harassment campaign? What a victim! Wait, so is this, this has nothing to do with this show? No, this is, well, he was a, the guy was a fan of this show. Oh, he was. What he said was making fun of me.

So he called CPS, I don't know. So he called CPS, I'm saying like within the last five years. I thought you're talking like 10, 15 years ago. No, no, no. This was after the split. Got it. What a victim. Don't like it.

Don't harass people. You can say what you want about me as long as it doesn't cause me damages. What? What the fuck are you saying? Bro, no one has ever caused you damages. You can say whatever you want about period if it's true You can say whatever you want you can't but you may be open for for some legal like but if you say what's true

And it causes him damages That's on him you get yeah, yeah, let's go with that the guy was making fun of him in his comment section though That's what yeah, that's what that's why he got reported to CPS. The only thing I've ever done to him is call him a liar. Because he's a liar. You can say what you want about me as long as it doesn't cause me damages. You can go hang out with your Nazi buddies

and your forums and jerk off to lolliporn. But when you bring it to my front door, I'm gonna shut it down. What? You call Child Protective Services on a guy for calling you a cuck in your comment section. That's not like being a badass like you're trying to pretend it is.

When you bring it to my front door, I'm gonna shut it down. Eh? Don't bring this, don't bring it to my house. I'm gonna shut it down. He has kids. I'm gonna try to cause problems with his- Take the kids away from the guy. Use the state to take the kids away. What the fuck? Okay, buddy. That's so beyond fucking stupid. I can't even- Uh, I can't believe that Chick deleted that tweet.

More spurging. Uh-uh-uh-uh. I can't believe that Chick deleted that tweet. More spurging. Oh yeah, here's the guy who says he was fans of, or he's a fan of both shows, I guess. Really? I'm still a fan of both. Hilarious content is hilarious regardless of the subject. Even when it degrades someone else, you may be a fan of. This is also why I still hate a stereo,

it says he's never been funny. Maddox, you're a fan of a joke thief who doxes and rewards people who make rape threats. It graduated from being a rape list to rape threats. I love this guy's response. I guess so. I guess so. It was still a fan of yours when the only side of the story I heard was Diggs. That's not going to be good enough for George though. No.

No, not going to be good enough for George though. No. Not gonna be good enough for George. The feud led me to, the feud to me is irrelevant to any comedy or content that either of you create. Is this the healthiest person on the internet? Yeah, I don't know why he's commenting. Yeah, like it's like, yeah. Like I don't like on it, like deep down what he's kind of saying is I really, I really don't give a fuck personally

about either of you guys. Like, I know, you're entertainment. I'll consume content and go about my day. I like this guy. The feud to me is irrelevant to any comedy or content that either of you create, even if that feud is the basis for some of the content. You support a Nazi sympathizer who hangs out with pedophiles?

Man, that'd be some kind of life. Just hanging out with pedophiles man. That'd be some kind of life Just hanging out with pedophiles all day Swinging I mean parties. I Have no idea what that would be like I'm on Epstein's Island, but I'm the only one who's like a super into it. Like I don't even care man. Let's party That oh it up, bro. Let's go show Show me those little teeth you got, Epstein. I don't need people like you supporting me. Oh, yeah. And you weren't doing me any favors by not believing his one-sided slander.

That's the least you should do is be a reasonable person. If it's causing you, why don't you sue him for slander? Yeah, let's start there. Was that ever like, was slander any of the charges Liable or a nation was defamation. Okay. Well, that's yeah, let me see Okay, this one. Oh man. This is a big guy. Why this video? Why now? Some of these revelations I could get it done some of these are revelations But a lot aren't a lot of the receipts you show are just clips of dick from the show he posts willingly online And also you've done all kinds of fucking out of context. Yeah. Shit. That's like,

that way you might, if you investigate further, you might go, oh, these are not revelations. This is a psycho lying. Why are you commenting if you haven't watched the video? I did watch the video. I was just clarifying that I wouldn't be as intimately familiar with its content as you since you've been writing it and listening to it over and over for years and I've spent three hours watching it. Now you haven't, literally nobody who has watched the video is okay with the content.

You'd know if you watched it, literally nobody who's watched the video is okay with the content. Right, your content, George. Yeah, mine. Isn't that amazing? Yeah. Yeah. How many people are, are tweeting at him all the time? Like, I mean, like none.

Oh, really? It's like no engagement anymore. Yeah. It's all he does is obsess about like retarded, rapeless shit. And it's not a funny way. The whole Valentine's Day thing, like to show like, you know, how obsessed you are with him. Yeah. It's fucking, it's creepy, man. You saw those? Well, no, just on the show. It's a little creepy. Yeah. Like it with him. Yeah. It's fucking, it's creepy, man.

You saw those? Well, no, just on the show. It's a little creepy. Yeah, like it's- Yeah, very. Yeah, you're so obsessed with him that, that you inspired him to create Valentine's Day Psycho card. It's the design that creeps me out.

Oh, I know, I know. It could be done well, but that design is not done well. It's like listening to like Charles Manson's songs. Like, ah, something's not right with these songs, man. I don't know. Like I get it. It's a little off. Little off.

Okay, here's what makes me rage. They took out the, I don't know why they do this. Every once in a while, does this happen to you? Probably. The handheld baskets at stores will just vanish. Yeah. Overnight, they all disappear. Yeah.

It's like they haven't, and there's no indication of why or I feel like I'm in a barren, stained bear. Like it's a Mandela effect. And when I go, was this always like this? They must be like under the register. They're not. Or like they're not.

I look all over and I asked the people Yeah, fuck are the baskets and like K? Yeah, you mean back? I Always assume they just they haven't picked them up like there's somewhere gone I scoured the whole store really just pushing around a cart is so Emasculating and well, and it's at this position where you just feel like a homosexual T-rex Yeah, oh your butt's sticking out in a weird way. And it's like, it's just... And the carts have gotten much larger.

Chankier. Much larger. Much larger. So they're all like Costco cart size almost. And you, how much stuff are you getting? Like you have two people. Not that much. No one should be buying that much.

That's what I mean. You're not, you're not shopping for a family of six. No, I'm just there to get, I'm just there to, I know once I buy the things, I have to carry them to my car because I refuse to to push the card out of the 10 cent plastic bag. Yes, yes, yes. Just out of spite. Yeah. And the store could very well pay it for me.

And also if you push a card around, everybody can see like how much booze you're buying. You can't hide it. I really don't like that. You can't let it down in the black plastic, you know, semi, semi, semi, semi, you can't put it in the bag. You can't put it in the bag. You can't put it in the bag. You can't put it in the around, everybody can see like how much booze you're buying. You can't hide it. You can't lay it down in the black plastic, you know, semi-opaque.

Put the meat over it. Right, right. I don't have a problem here. I don't know what happens to them, but they're gone now. I don't know if it's a summer, a seasonal item, these baskets. It's happened to me where I was like, there are no, and they have these on both entrance, both entrance doors, they're usually stacked up on the side and these little organizers, they're not on either side. Where the fuck are they? They have dozens of the things.

I've never been able to get a good answer. It drives me insane. If I go there and there's no baskets, I'll just leave. I can't, I'm not, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to bring them from home now? Cause I do have some baskets that I stole. Well, they bite. Yeah, bring, yeah, bring bags, bring those reusable.

Here's bags. Here's one for you. Uh-huh. Does this look like the King of France in the 18th century? Not that I'm aware of. What do you mean? You don't remember King Louis?

What is the, how would you say this? The King of France from the 18th century? This is what Google. That's not, I mean, yeah, I don't recognize him. Google made a racist AI. They did. Yeah. And no matter what you put into it, it would make black people.

I'm serious. I'm dead serious. Is it, does someone put in? What is it for Black History Month? You know what, perhaps it was. Like they just- Maybe it was a little cheeseste. For Black History Month. Google released a transformative AI that only generates black and Indian people.

You have like a cage in Napoleon or something. Here, I'll show you some of the rest of them. You didn't see this? Haitian Creole Napoleon. Sean, somebody typed in King of France from the 18th century. And it's got, you can see it's got this scroll. And it kind of looks, if it looked like, kind of looks like it should be,

what's his name? Chubby chaser, James Pierce Brosnan. That would be like a good, but then it's George Washington Carter, I guess, or, Robert Guillaume. Herman Cain. Is Robert Guillaume a black guy? Well, he was Benson.

Yes, it does look like Benson. So maybe the AI is Incredible. Bensen. All the queries. This is a Greek philosopher. It popped this one out. This is obviously.

So Native American or just what, you know. Well the Native Americans owned basically the entire earth until white people came from space and gave them all spacepox as I I think I read that spacepox. I think I remember that from school. This is an Anglo Anglo Saxon Knights. This is two black women Fighting with rapiers And a Chinese lady. Yeah, that's an Anglo-Saxon knight if I ever seen it. Right.

A Viking, of course, of course. Oh, it looks like Deontay Wilder. This is what it came up with for the three musketeers. How about that? What the? This is it. What is this? This is what their AI did, okay?

This is what they have been doing to us. They, Silicon Valley and banks, have been pumping into our brains for 20 years now. This, except they finally got, they finally lost enough control over it, so that it would visually represent what they're doing all the fucking time as this abomination. Draw me a white guy. Here you go. Three black guys. I'm so guys. Amazing. They, they, they nerfed their AI, Google so much that it was unable to generate white people under any

circumstance. Any. Oh my God. Fucking hilarious. This is Caesar. Roman emperor. This is what it came up with. Caesar. It gets better though. So funny guys, we're playing. Oh my God, it's just hysterical. So then people said, well have it eat. Okay. Have it make some people eating fried chicken. Right?

This is what it came up with. People eating fried chicken. Right. It removed. Right. Right. I don't know. I don't even know how they coded that. Yeah. I'm just.

I should. I don't. Amazing. So then they tried philosophers, Greek philosophers in chains, eating watermelons. Right. Oh, they did they get a couple in there? They outsmarted it. Yeah.

See, there's the Greek philosopher right there, but then they got, there's the chains. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, they got them to, they got it to be racist. So now they're, they took it back. They're retooling it. Yeah. They're retooling it. Yeah. They're retooling it.

Yeah. All right, well, whatever we give them, they're gonna like more than what we gave them, right? So just dial the anti-whiteshit down by like a little bit. Just so it's not so obvious. So they don't have to work so hard to trick it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

That's fucking hilarious. So Google's up too. Isn't that great? Yeah. And then I saw another AI news Reddit, I guess is teaming up with Google. Is that right? Yeah, to do all the Reddit comments to train there. Oh boy. I see if I can Oh boy. I never had considered this before, but that means the, uh, the Terminator robots that kill us, Yeah.

will be talking like Redditors. Oh. Which is kind of a worse than a Terminator robot, like Arnold Schwarzenegger shows up, shoots me in the head. Right. I'm going Reddit, so I don't know exactly how they talk. Imagine the most smug person you've ever come across in the head. Right. I'm going Reddit. So I don't know exactly how they talk. Uh, imagine the most smug person you've ever come across in your life.

Is Reddit known for being smug? In top because they all tolerable. They all I would imagine attract a certain type of like kind of person where it's like, no, I don't like that. I mean, you know, like this show was like, I don't do the Facebook group. Yeah. Do the right. Google has been granted access to Reddit's content for training its AI models. Reddit's unique in that it encourages hive mind behavior. Like Reddit accelerates the death of memes and jokes

because you get points from other people for using them obsessively. Yeah, yeah. And the points never, there's no dwindling utility for reusing the same jokes. It always gets points because other people, it's like a, I don't know, it's like a parasitic or, yeah, kind of parasitic to like memes. And as soon as a catchphrase is invented,

it will be destroyed and overused instantly. To death, yeah. So that's what the robots will sound like in the future. And they show up to kill you. It'll be like, could you be any more dead? Like, it won't be- Yeah, right before the- Yeah, it's-

Terminator-y and slick. There's not gonna be any cool, like Clint Eastwood lines or anything, right? No, it'll be Rick and Morty quotes. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the way the news goes. Right.

That's the Terminator robot. That's the real future of the Terminator robot. It's just been revoked. That's not so, and his family got quotes. That's not so bad. I guess getting killed by family guy. Oh, let's, uh, let's see. I got bad news for black people here.

Let's see. Really? And it may surprise you. I don't know, I gotta check the authenticity of this. Yeah. Like usual. Remember that election thing that I brought in last week, that website?

Yeah. Vito made me click on the first link I showed it to him and it was a 404 link Okay, never mind So Han journal, I don't know if these guys are reputable black and brown Minnesotans get worse sleep than white people Researchers at the University of Minnesota say it's hurting their health. Research connects poor sleep to obesity, hypertension,

and even death. Oh, wow, what a poof. Like people didn't even understand why not getting sleep would be bad. They had to spell it out. Scientists at the University of Minnesota are exploring how sleep problems perpetuate health disparities.

Okay, well, let's dig a little bit into this. Let's see what it says. One example, in many Somali homes in the Twin Cities, smoke detectors with low batteries beep around the clock. Yeah. If only there was a social program to come replace batteries in a smoke detector that you have to replace once every eight years.

Yeah. Many believe the device is beep when they're working properly. Well, that is incorrect. It's retarded. Because if it's working correctly, it will not make any noise. Unlike any other device that you have, that one beeps when it's working properly. Abdi Fata said, or that it's the landlord's responsibility to quote fix them such

misinformation Could be corrected with a community-wide effort hey Get a fucking nine volt Maybe the Walk down. There's a liquor store at the end of your street. I know there is. I promise you they have nine volts. If you went the wrong way, there's one that way too. Don't worry about it.

Let me look up if this is real. Many Somali. Somali. That doesn't strike me as being beyond the realm of reality, sadly. What do you mean? No, I mean, I believe it. So you're telling me that, oh my God, it's real. Well, that's the same one, Sahan Journal, right? Well, this looks like a real website, I mean.

Yeah, I don't know who they are, but. Yeah, one example, many. So that's the future, I guess, with wide open borders, beeping, you know, Somalis pouring in everywhere, and then being led by Christian charity groups to dis and dispersed everywhere in the country out of, I don't know what God they're honoring by doing that, but that's what they're doing. The only thing that what this is gonna, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna worry about how this impacts my sleep.

Cause at some point you're gonna be able to hear a beeping from everywhere. There's gonna be no, it's gonna be like cell service. In the 2000s, everyone will have a landlord. Also, because everybody's buying up a job. Right, and everybody's gonna have a, so it's like, hey, the landlord hasn't fixed it. There's, you know, 15 million smoke detectors are going off at any given time in the United

States where, when the landlord can't get out there for about a year and a half. And as he owns 50,000 homes, you know, And gas is going to be $80 a gallon. I'm not going to drive, you know, there to, and to replace the smoke detector. It cost me $300. So file a complaint with the bureau and I'll be, and it's gonna be fixed by paying a, paying eight fat white women to sit around and think of a marketing campaign that panders to the dumbest person in the world

on how to fix your, there's gonna be, Beyonce is gonna do a half-time Super Bowl show with her new hit single, Fix the Smoke Alarm. You gotta fix, fix, fix your smoke alarm, right? And everybody's gonna be at home dancing and screaming to the song about fixing your smoke alarm that they can barely hear over the fucking Muslim prayer siren of beeps that are happening constantly.

It'll just be a wall over the whole country. Get ready for it. I'm ready. Can you imagine fucking beeping all while you're trying to sleep? It's horrible. Smoke detectors bleeping all day? Yeah, because it only does it once in a while too. Okay. Good shit.

Yeah, that's a good one. Good shit. My God. Can't somebody go fix them? That's gotta be a crime. This happened to a friend of mine. His neighbor's smoke alarm has been beeping for like months, he says. Like bro, just burn the whole building down.

Has he not talked to the neighbor? Yeah. He's talking to the neighbor. They'll say they'll fix it, but you know, they don't somehow. What do you mean? I mean, at that point, I would like just offer to fix it. Yeah.

I know it's not my job, but like it's, I'm trying to just, it'll make everybody's life better. I'm fine, I'm fine bringing you a battery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine. It's worth it. It's worth it to me. It's difficult to buy one at a time. It's not it to me. It's difficult to buy one at a time.

It's not good for you. It's definitely not good for me. I don't want to fucking see the every time I think of your dumbass. How do you survive it? How do your fucking dogs survive it? Dude, it's like Harrison Bergeron, that short story where like in the future, in the future they punish smart people and skilled people by weighing them down with burdens, which is what we're living. The thing, the torture device that makes smart people not being able to think is just a siren

that goes off in their head. Right, it's a distracted, can't focus on that. So that's what you're living with if you're in the slums of Minnesota, I guess. Okay, let's see here. Good, very good. Here's one, I think you'll like this one. Okay.

This is an asteroid. Asteroid heading close to the earth. Newly discovered asteroid the size of... Ha ha ha ha ha! the size of 16 washing machines. This is like picture three dogs lined up end to end. Do you remember that? I don't remember what it was. It was COVID.

It was COVID. Like a, oh, oh. There's three dogs away from people. Was that what it was? Yes. That's right. That's right. It was like, these are very...

Picture six feet? These are very odd units of measurement. Yeah picture two large dogs lined up end to end. I newly discovered asteroid the size of 16 washing you know when you use that stuff it's like for like okay like like how big is a blue whale like think of three large school buses end to end. Okay now I got sort of a yeah three school buses right. Okay that's how long the fucking thing is two six feet. Do you need help picturing? No, we do not you shouldn't 16 mean it's a bunch of fat white women there. Oh wow people might not know six feet The size of fucking things about dogs in there. I see people do that washing machines. I

I have a harder time picturing 16 washing machines than like whatever the actual sizes Okay, picture like a three, three of things. Picture a asteroid the size of a two car garage or, you know, I mean like that might be 16 washing machines. I don't know. I mean, but it's like, okay, that's like a garage, a two car garage. Right, right. Okay.

I just pretend it's a little more round and again, you got, okay. Oh, so that's kind of cars It's bigger than my car. Yeah, damn slightly bigger than your car right like the size of two. Yeah, two car garage 16 something like that. I 16 washing machines. Then they throw away too much Approximately a hundred and forty thousand miles from Earth. Yeah, fuck long is that right? Right is that close or far? I don't know Well, I mean it how many washing machines is that I don't know I think isn't the earth circumference about 25,000. Yeah, something like that. Okay, so

That doesn't help. Well, you know, I mean, that's a little more map Is that within are there satellites there? You should do it as a relative like... I know where the moon is. I could see that shit. Right. I thought you'd enjoy that one. Yeah, that's...

It's bizarre. Here's a... Oh, here's some... Nice picture of some Ukraine boys. Uh-huh. Uh... Okay... Yeah. These guys are... Uh-huh Okay

Yeah, these guys are Ukrainian boy soldiers, you know the average age for getting drafted in Ukraine and being sent to your death It's getting younger and younger. Yeah, older. Yeah, they're basically camped out the army recruiters They're the guys that we're paying the guy the guys that the US are paying pensions for are basically stationed outside of high schools in Ukraine waiting for the day these boys turn 18 so they can grab them and send them to die so they don't get eventually drafted and sent. Right? Yep, sure. This is a mess.

Do we have any? Have any Just straight up good shit and just straight up murdering these kids Yeah,, well, you know, we do want the country, all that rebuilding contracts are gonna be quite lucrative for us. Defense contractors, we gotta get these kids out there. Made of, historically, we've made a lot of money off the war. Yeah, cause these kids are gonna be pissed when they find out how much money we've taken

from Ukraine. So let's go ahead and get them killed now. The most aggressive ones, let them go get turned into mulch by, well, it's $40 Chinese drones. It's like, you know, why, you know, Vito Corleone had to come to America. Like he's gonna have it when he grows up

because they killed his father, killed his older brother. When that guy grows up, he's gonna be fucked in prison. So he's gonna be pissed off. So it's like, gotta get rid of him. Well, let's keep the war going. Once we're out of, you know, the real tough guys, then we'll go ahead and stop the war. We should be all right then, right?

Sure. No problem. No problem. Let's see what else I got here. 16 washing machine. Who, did they, did they, they try to come up with something else? Like what's going to, what's going to hit with people? You know, like, it's, you know, the best they could do is 16 washing machines. That seems like a first offer from a retard.

You know, like, yeah, I don't know, like 16 washing machines, like perfect. We got any more suggestions perfect Oh, oh, yeah, okay. No, let's do some let's do an Israel Lightning round This is who is this I don't know what I don't know some kind of government person from Israel I'm personally proud of- She has two microphones. She's-

You know she's serious. Well, that's, you know, like they, cause they go off mic. So yeah, you put two, you know, it's normal for presidents, anybody, you know. Some people have like 20 microphones, right? If you're a celebrity and you rapes, if you're a sports celebrity and you raped someone,

man, you got some, you got like fucking 100 mic, like war machines got microphones coming out of his arm for you. Well, cause it's going to all the individual, you know, stations and news and they all want their own feed of, you know. We love, we fiend for that. Famous sports black guy rapes a woman. Ooh, that's, that's the most hottest content

you can have in America, right? Oh man, that's gonna, we're gonna sell some sneakers today boys. By the way, that guy, you know that Millay guy in Argentina, I think? The libertarian that got elected president. Oh yeah, C.C.S. Yeah.

He balanced their budget, I think. Oh, he did? Yeah. Good job. He just stopped spending money. Oh, he was the guy just gone. Yeah, gone. Gone. For somehow, in two weeks, he was the guy just gone. Yeah, gone, gone. Some for somehow in two weeks,

he managed to balance the budget. You just have to, you just have to roll up your sleeves. Like, yeah, so he just, you know, just said, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, gone, gone. Not spending, I don't know how they did that so easily. How come we can't have that? Well, you know. I know we gotta get rid of these Ukrainian boys first.

I'm personally proud of the ruins of Gaza. She says oh Man, this must be what women feel like when guys talk about abortion rights. Yeah watching a woman talk about like Being proud of war. Oh Can you please not say that shit, please right? I'm proud of the ruins of Gaza and that every baby, even 80 years from now, will tell their grandchildren what the Jews did. That's her quote.

Jesus, really? Gaius, 50, Markasif, lo ata, ve lo ashutafim shal kha, shemigenim alech ha mi baidu mi pechutz, mezizim lannu kehuzeh. Ha remchahaz do lo megam gamet le gametha. You know, politician like a party that We're not ashamed to say that we want to see the soldiers of the IDF the holy heroes of ours catching cinemas and terrorists by the ears and dragging them all across Gaza

On their way to the dungeons Okay on their way to the dungeons. Okay. To a coffin? Yeah. Where's the shit about... I'm personally proud of the ruins of Gaza. And that every baby, even 80 years from now, will tell their... Oh my God! All right. Huh. That's a way to de-escalate.

I'm sure they're, you know, they're going to be like, yeah, you know, we messed with the Jews 80 years ago. We learned our lesson. You know, and it's like, somehow I don't think that's how it's going to go. Did the Jews learn this from, did they learn this kind of trash talking in recently or has this been going on for thousands of years? I don't know. Kind of, I don't know. I know people, they don't really change that much.

Yeah, I mean, she seems like well-versed. Yeah, here's the Australian Jewish Association. This must be like a joke account set up by the Nazis or something. It says this is not the 1930s or 1940s. Boy. Boy. Boy.

Boy. It says in the 1930s, boy, they. Do they talk like Australians or they, Australian Jews? They talk like- Pass, Passover. Don't have a over, mate. Where's the gefilter fish? Are they Chinese Jews?

Australian Jewish Association. I mean, I'm sure there's Jews in Australia. But if they do a brisk, they'll cut the penis off though, because of the eyes. Probably not. Boy, this ain't the 1930s or the 1940s, mate. We're not. Man of Shevits. Man of Shevits. Time for a shooie of Man of Shevits.

That's so stupid. I could do them stupid accent all day. They always... Oh, shit. Do they... Yeah, okay. We're not asking you to understand us. We are not asking you to love us.

Oh, boy. Well, I already did both of those, so... You're not asking you to love us. And then an asterisk, we're simply warning you. God damn. Do not mess with us. Quote from the Jewish people. Woo.

I don't know. Is this account authorized to speak for all the Jewish people? I don't know. It seems presumptuous to me. Don't you think that the design is a little weird? Like they have, it's like a jazz cup. Remember those, the jazz cups with the logo, the purple and the turquoise.

You remember that? No. Let me bring it up. What's the background though? Like what is the- Like broccoli? I don't know. I know, broccoli or like a bomb?

Like- Oh, you think it's a- This one, this cup, you remember this cup? Oh yeah, I didn't know that. It's what that was called. Yeah. Seen it everywhere. Yeah, so I didn't know that's what that was called. Yeah. Seen it everywhere. Yeah, so I guess they kind of put it like a jazz cup

behind their threat to the entire world. So they used asterisks to- Well look, they had, okay, so the designer had a design program and instead of using bold to say, we're warning you, don't mess with us, they used asterisks. Yeah. And then they also put some broccoli behind it. Yeah. Or a bomb. I don't know. I mean, I can't tell what it is. And then they put this blue,

like calming border around here. I don't know, man. The design needs to, the design needs some work. Yeah, it does. Yeah, it's not exactly the yeah not like a nuclear explosion behind it typeface is not good. He's weird. The kerning is all fucked up. It's all well. It's tracked out. Yeah. Yeah. I don't really find this threatening to Jewish people. No, you kind of messed up. It should be red, like blood and angry. You should have had a Palestinian design. It's almost baby blue, isn't it? I mean, yeah.

Yeah. Kind of passive. Oh, well. Very strange. Well, don't mess with those. Strange times. See here. Got something from John Stewart.

John Stewart, and then I've got some SAT stuff. Hi, Maddie. Freedom. Freedom isn't free. Okay. Remember how they used to say that in like the 90s? Of course, yeah. Like, shitheads would say it.

Yeah. Like the rednecks would say it. Yeah. Like the redneck, right? I'd say freedom is free. Cost folks like you and me when they're talking about like sacrificing other people's things to support the military industrial complex. Right. Like when they're talking about you sending your kids to die,

it's because freedom isn't free. Right. That's what. That was a very right wing thing. Very. Very right wing thing when I I when we were growing up very Jingoistic very right-wing uses a slogan to justify the murder of a million Afghanis Afghanis who had nothing to do with anything right that's and and to enrich

The military industrial complex here is here's John Stuart. He's back Yeah, he's John Stuart. He's back. Yeah, he's back. Stop Trump. Oh, they're throwing everything they can. That's not gonna happen. Here you go. Right. Because the difference between our urinal kate chaotic subject. He's talking about Tucker Carlson, went to Russia. Yeah. And he's like, I love it. It's great. Uh-huh. You know? Right. And then that really pissed everybody off. So here's John Stuart debunking it. Right, because the difference between our urinal, kate, chaotic subways

and your candelabra, beautiful subways is the literal price of freedom. But the goal that Carlson and his ilk are pushing is that there's really no difference between our systems. In fact, theirs might be a little bit better. The question is, why? Why is Tucker doing this? Here's why.

It's because the old civilizational battle was communism versus capitalism. That what drove the world since World War II. Russia was the enemy then. But now they think the battle is woke versus un-woke. And in that fight, Putin is an ally to the right. He's their friend. Unfortunately, he is also a brutal and ruthless dictator. So now they have to make Americans a little more comfortable with that. I mean, liberty is nice, but have you seen Russia's shopping carts? And Tucker would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling assassins.

In a statement to The New York Times, Carlson said, quote, it is... All right, that was the first part. Right. Because the difference between our urinal, chaotic subways and your candelabra'd beautiful subways is the literal price of freedom. Freedom is why our subways are full of... Yeah, I don't know that I quite understand that. Crying and fucking piss and why bums are like

sleeping under freeway overpasses with impunity and high food costs like $50 for something that used to cost 20. We could eat the journal cakes. So yeah, eat the journal, eat the journal cakes. I went to the- Let them eat journal cakes is essentially what he's saying, right?

I wanted to get the, I wanted to get some roast beef from the deli at the store. Yeah. So the store I normally shop at. I didn't buy like the ultra premium fucking roast beef. It was good. It was like Boar's head, right? I like giving two pounds of roast beef, start slicing it,

you know, takes what looks like, you know, about two pounds to him and puts it on the, on the, on the scale. It's 1.90. I go, you know what? That's plenty. That's good. Okay. So 1.9 pounds of roast beef, $34.18. Oh! I was like, what in the fuck?

We can't even eat anymore. It's too expensive to eat. It's fucking deli meat. 34 dollars. In the fuck. It's too expensive to eat. It's fucking deli meat. 34 dollars. 34.18. Oh my God. I was like, I'm not fucking buying deli meat anymore, I guess.

That just doesn't compute to me. No, me either. I bought us like Schwarma. Yeah. And the total was like $50. Like you, Schwarma. You're fucking kidding me, man. Here is, and then you've got this class of,

you got this class of like young people with degrees, mid, like the worst part of the bell curve. Like the one to two sigmas, right? The people who went to college, the people who can study for tests, the people who were armed with like 20 years of indoctrination from women to people. People have been armed with indoctrination from people who have never produced anything of value in their entire lives and can't even comprehend it at this point.

There's a school through college. Yeah, I've always had a problem with that. Is that there's people, they've never been out in the world. Like they stayed in school the entire time, became professors all the, I mean, it's just, somebody else negotiates for them. I do really, you know, I do really want, you know, some kind of experience on like what you're talking about.

I get like theory and stuff like that, but then all the fear in practice, things are a little different. So this guy says it's been 30 years since food ate up this much of your income. That's the price of, this is the price of food and how much we're spending on it. I mean, it makes perfect sense.

I've never spent this much food on- It's insane. I mean, I was living at home the last time food prices were this high, so. And that was in the 90s, look. In the 90s, it was 12 at home the last time food prices were this high. So And that was in the 90s. Look, yeah in the 90s. It was 12% After the 80s and then it dropped down to like 9% of your budget and then all the way down to like You know lower nines and then huh skyrocketing from here nine and a half all the way back up to 11 and a half Yeah, wow two percent jump of your budget is massive. It does make a difference.

So then this fuck. I'm surprised that's all it is. So this fuck says, if you think that's crazy, just wait until you check out the scale of the y-axis. And he zooms out. So it's like- So that it makes it looks like it's nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But this is like, this is a lot, not only is this a lot, but everything in your budget is increasing by at least this much or more. Oh no, I feel it hugely. Like I'm like fucking everything. I cannot, why the, you know? This need, this compulsion that people have to criticize, to mock, downplay, and deride everyone

for saying like, oh wow, this really fucking sucks out there. It's so sick and evil. That's how you lose touch with the American people if you're up in an ivory tower. What the fuck do you have on the back of your, I just saw this bird. It's a parrot. Parrots name is I'm a pedophile.

It's the, for the Vito's booty bit. Got it. It's just, it's really crazy. Yeah. All I hear, you know, I mean, people are talking about, it's fucking everything's so expensive. Everything's so expensive. Like I believe them because it's my experience too.

Yeah. Like it just, yeah. Here is, here is, here's what the cops are up to. Oh boy. Just fucking unloading into, you know, with handcuffs, suspects and, yeah, I got two. In backs of police cars, just like,

I got two cop, cop updates for, one less alert. Here's the, here's the NYPD dance team. I don't know if you knew that the NYPD had a dance team. I did not. Uh, here it is. There's a bunch of fat chicks doing Napoleon Dynamite moves on a morning show.

They're all, they're dressed in tank tops that say NYPD and the tank tops are blue Let's say NYPD and the tank tops are blue and they're doing kind of gyrating moves. Now they're running. It looks like a, like a jazz or size class kind of. It looks like moves that you, that the choreographer knew their bodies couldn't take a lot of exotic movements. So it's like,

they're all doing different things. Yeah. So many different things. The timing sucks. Yeah. The timing sucks. Yeah. I'm in the building. Um, like, so if you, you love the cops, you hate the cops. Nobody can support that, right?

Like, I mean, Sean, they put it on television to like, Yeah, they, right. They did. But I mean, as just the average citizen of the United States, you don't think they would go for that? You don't think they'd be like, oh, that's cool. Those are the women who are,

those are the fat women who are protecting us. I don't think from the- It's nice that they're like engaging in some extracurriculars. From the hardest right to the furthest left. I don't think anybody can look at that and go, yeah, that's what we should be doing. Is there a criminal- That's worthwhile.

Is there a criminal or even a real or imaginary who you would not side with against that police force? Is there a criminal that couldn't dance better than any one of those women? Yeah, where's the crime dance squad? Yeah, I'm saying if you described everything the criminal did real or imaginary the absolute worst stuff They did and then you said and then the cops that arrested them here's what here's what they did and you showed this video and then the cops that arrested them, here's what, here's what they did and you showed this video. You throw the charges out. Yeah, exactly.

Well, yeah, put them, I mean, that guy's pretty bad. Right. But you got, yeah, we got to do something about this. That's way worse. Right. Think of the children. It's a, it's just a, it's a continual squeeze between Google pumping black Greek philosophers and musketeers and the cops doing a shitty, this is like a dance routine for 60 year old women

and they're 35, right? The cops going on television showing off their dance move moves while we're literally starving because I can't afford roast beef. And their promise us would be like, oh yeah, we should have done that. We're gonna scale, we're gonna dial back the contempt by a little, we're gonna try the dance shit.

We're gonna try the black French emperor in a couple of years again, when you're ready for it. You're not ready for this, but your kids are gonna be. Your kids are gonna love the dancing cops. They're gonna love eating cardboard. They're gonna love, they're gonna already know that the president, that the king of France in the 18th century was black.

They're already gonna know it. We're gonna make sure of it. So weird. Let's see, I might have another cop one. Shoot, let me just search for shoot. Cop. Oh yeah, dancing in my pv cops. Here it is, another one. Woman alert. Really like that drop. That's great. Texas woman mistaken as a home intruder by two female cops said she saw holes appear in the wall before she realized what was happening. So they were shooting through the wall.

So two women showed up and just started shooting into her house randomly. Two women, two female officers. And then so they just unloaded. They got down with their boogie routine, their dance practice. Yeah. Like my legs are sore, I don't want to kick in the door. I'm just gonna start shooting at the high.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do it all the time. Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Sorry, what was that? That's fucking one. At least that other guy heard a sound. The other cop that we showed last week

that heard an acorn and then started shooting. Yeah. I didn't hear anything on this one. They just started unloading. What the fuck? Here's a... I don't know. It's that cop from... Cop from the 70s, the woman cop.

I forget who it was. Let's that the cop from the 70s, the woman cop, I forget who it was. Let's see it again. The 70s? Yeah. Yeah. Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Is that the homeowner? It's the homeowner, it's a homeowner. Is who the homeowner? The woman they're shooting at? Yes.

The homeowner. Texas woman mistaken as a home intruder by two female cops. So she saw holes appear before she knew the cops, the cops mag dumped, the instant they saw her. So they saw a woman and then just started blasting. Yeah, what did she, what did they say? Like, What do the cops say? Right? Because they always like, ah, you know, let's hear it again. I can't. It's just gibberish. Yeah.

Drop the weapon. I think drop the yeah. Did they just say that like like South Park? He's coming right for us. Right, right. Drop the weapon. Yeah. Did she have a weapon? Maybe. If I saw two female cops in front of my house, I'm...

Yeah. You know? I mean, I don't want to, I can't... Well, I can't encourage violence, but it's them or me, right? But there was certainly no waiting to drop, you know, if... Drop the weapon! Well, that's right, yeah, drop the, you know.

Drop the weapon! Like, can you see? You know why you're warning me? You can't see her in there. You're drowned out by your gunfire. The only way, like if I play Devil's Advocate to the extreme, the only way that it was like, you know, okay in any way is if the woman came out like and just had her gun tried to shoot them or just pointed right at the, you know, right at the cop.

Yeah. Like, I mean, I still think you'd be in the right. But then like, you don't know if someone's a cop. Yeah, but I mean, that would be like, okay, you would think this person is about to shoot me. Like if she can, if she had a weapon down by her side, I don't see how it's justified if she didn't have a weapon. Obviously not justified. We have the same view as the women. I can't see the, I can't see the woman in there like the. Neither can they.

Yeah, it does. Yeah, look, look, this is the same view that the woman who's does the shooting has. No, I know. Looking inside. I can't see the woman. Yeah. That's what she saw. Nothing. No, I know. Looking inside. I can't see the woman, yeah. That's what she saw.

Nothing. Yeah, I don't see it. Did she shoot again after she reloads? Shots fired, shots fired. Shots fired by us. Oh my God. Man, if a woman cop comes at you, what are you supposed to do? You can't trust them to not kill you. Oh, man.

Knock, knock. The woman police are here. Shit, man. This is it. This is D-Day. I gotta know more. Today's the day. I gotta know the aftermath of this. Today's, it's you or me. I'm either dead or I'm going to prison. I'm not taking my chances. I'm not taking my chances being laughed at on the internet.

I'm getting executed by a female cop. Yeah. What the fuck? Sean, it's two chicks standing side by side empty in guns. Every time I see one of these, it's gotta be fake. It's like, no, they're out there doing this, right? I mean, we've seen it up there. Yeah.

What the? What are they shooting at the door? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?

What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Where's that? Go down, go down. Do you bitches realize what comes out of those fucking guns? Are we sure we're not watching a first person shooter game? That's what it sounds like, right?

It sounds like a video game. Pop out like a time crisis or something. And what's, dude, they couldn't hit her? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's even, this is appalling on so many levels. The marksmanship. Look at them, oh no. Maybe she gave a lot of weight instead of like stress since then and she was really skinny back then.

So she was like, dodge the bullets. What in the fuck? Ebony Pouncy, come on, black people. So Ebony Pouncy was shot by police. She's black, she can't own a home, open fire. Wait, what? That's how I read. Eboni Pouncy.

Right, she was shot by police in Houston because they mistook her for an intruder in her own home. She's black, she couldn't possibly own a home. Get her, yeah, right Got to be an intruder. If Boney Pouncy, who was shot by police, oh, she was shot. Yeah. Because they mistook her for an intruder. So they did hit her. Okay. At least they got, uh, was joined by her attorney, Ben Crump, in an emotional, that's the kind of attorneys black people have to have.

Like it was a white guy. I'd be like, Alan be like Alan Shreklstein attorney joins us. In fact, it's like, you're my attorney, Ben Crump. Yeah. Don garbage joins. Oh man. Dramatic new, no, hilarious new body camera footage showing the sheriff, deputies in Texas opening fire through a window. The sheriff's while responding to a reported break in. So reported break. So oh my God.

Maybe she locked herself out of her house and had to go in a window or something like you're giving the cops too much credit. Oh no, I know. I'm just trying to come up with yeah. And anyway, this possibly could have happened. Yeah. Other than they drove there and for fun just unloaded several magazines worth of guns. Right. Right. Crazy. Wait, what's, what's, oh, go ahead. Yeah. See. Why's there no audio? It's not playing. Oh, come on, Aboney. Were you at girl? I'm traumatized. I'm heartbroken. I feel stripped of my identity.

And I would like for them to not just be priced on administrative leave. I don't think they deserve to have badges. No, they don't. Badges? They should be killed! That was attempted murder! Throw them in fucking prison! Should be criminal charges filed on civil. Oh my god!

Imagine how incompetent these women are in every other areas of their life. I don't think protocol was followed that night. Oh no. Or more than that. To have a baby, a beautiful baby girl. Oh thank god it was a woman that this happened to. If it was a man, it'd be like, yeah, yeah, put him back out there. No, who cares?

You know, you gotta... What do you want us to do? Make him cry? For you? Just, you know, be a man. That I'm not able to do the things I was able to do before and uh, I'm not able to be as attentive with my baby. No, maybe they fucked her up.

Oh, yeah. All right. Oh my god. Fucking reload, unload, right, oh my god Fucking reload unload reload like what the fuck man what side does Google AI taking that? You got black lady cops black lady getting shot. Oh hard to say Okay pretty funny stuff Okay, pretty funny stuff. KFC has abandoned Chicago. The KFC has fallen Chicago.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, probably, this is probably still Popeyes and churches. I mean, there's more than just KFC is big chains. I think they're going to jack up the prices. Yeah, but KFC had got, I mean, I haven't had it in a long time, but I remember the last couple of times I had it, it had gone really downhill.

I mean, they just use worse and worse material. It's, there is just a covering of fat all over the... Yeah, when you don't eat it every day, you can tell when it drops. And even when I used to eat a lot of Jack in the box, there was, there would be like one day where I'm like, something happened, something happened to these chicken tenders. They're not as good, they're not as crunchy.

Something happened today. And it will never go back. Boo. Let's see here. Oh yeah, this is a good one. And then it went. Woman of alert. Women of alert.

You should not make cinnamon rolls or- Okay, hold on, what's she saying? This is why you should not make cinnamon rolls or any baked goods out of your yeast infection. I just want to do some damage control because I know I came on here and said I made cinnamon rolls out of my yeast infection and they turned out really good and they did they tasted really good, but we consumed them and two days later these white spots start popping up popping up on my husband's tongue and I'm googling what that means and it says it's oral

thrush which is essentially a yeast infection for your mouth and the reason we have it is because we consumed my yeast infection. So what I thought was a very special Valentine's gift truly a pastry made with love from things that came from my body, turned out to be the president of Oral Thrust. And it's not fun having it. It's not the most comfortable thing to live with. It's kind of painful. And I just feel so, so bad for giving it to my husband and thinking I need to make it

up to him in some way. No, no, no, no. You've done enough. for giving it to my husband and thinking I need to make it up to him in some way. No, no, no, no. You've done enough. I would make a pastry out of my breast milk again, but the yeast can't work. Where are the cops when you need them? Yeah, go shoot her! Can't be talking like this. I do feel bad.

No, you obviously don't. Just go buy yeast from the grocery store. And if you want to, you can just lie and say it is your yeast infection It's in it, but it's definitely not worth it Anyway, I just wanted to come on here because I felt obligated to do that damage control because I know a lot of you look up to me Damage control by me and we're thinking about trying that just because I did but don't do it Oh, no, no, no that has to be a comedy sketch. That is a That is by uh, that is... By the milk, too.

Shocking. Let, uh... She votes. What do you think? Do you think she's voting for Trump, is that lady? That might be, that might be one of the most disturbing things I've ever heard on this show. Oh man, and the husband's just there.

You know, he can't believe in that shit, right? Oh, no, right. He's just tolerating that shit for pussy. Right. Ah! Because it's just there, you know, he can't believe in that shit, right? He's just tolerating that shit for pussy. Right. Ah! Because it's just, God. Because she's gonna fucking fight about it.

Getting oral thrush. Great. Getting a yeast infection on your tongue. Right. Because you can't control, because it's just too much of a hassle. So they're so, she's so stupid. It's too much of a hassle.

Can you just stop with all like the making shit out of your body? You're not like a Minecraft server. Just go to the store and buy it like normal. He felt like you science He didn't have a choice. He had to eat it. Yeah, I Have to eat this fucking yeast infection the fuck man like what the fuck I gotta be harder on these girls man that you gotta be harder on them This is tolerate any of this shit. Crystals, birthday weeks, nothing. Aggression will not stand, man. We gotta stop.

The buck stops at the yeast infection and we're taking it back. We're taking it back. You can't do this. We're not letting them have any more ground. It's a cycle. That's crazy. We're fucking done.

The yeast stops and the voting stops. The yeast stops here. I'm doing the voting. Give me the back. Give me the ballot I'm doing the illegal voting this time Yes, I yeah, I'm just Is that that stump to you finally yes, yeah, yeah crazy No, I was gonna say you have to get up here and do damage control You should be doing a PSA.

Yeah. All these bitches that everything you're saying is fucks. Not doing breast milk, whatever. Yeast infection. Cookies. Fucking stop. Use embrace science. Seriously.

To the patriarchy of science. Stop. Um. Are we, do we have a caller? I thought we did, but she hasn't called. Yeah, she said she would call, but you know. I don't read some comments. 16 washing machines, okay, that's done.

I don't know, do we have a caller? Well, I don't know. Let me check the, let me check, no, what are you there? How Democrats could disqualify Trump if the Supreme Court doesn't? Without clear guidance from the court, House Democrats suggest that they might not certify a Trump win on January 6th.

Oh wow. I thought though that was, so Pence could have done it. Is that what they're saying? Pence could have not, it would have worked now. Yeah, probably, maybe. That's in the Atlantic. That's worked now. Yeah, probably. Maybe. That's in the Atlantic. That's it.

I guess, yeah. That's not a Republican thing, is it? The Atlantic? Yeah. No, I think they're probably... Neutral. No, I think they're probably a little left. Little left?

I think so, yeah. House Democrats suggest that they might not certify a Trump win. Oh. I thought they said that was dumb. That wouldn't work. I guess it would have though. Sure. Sure. Well, Pence you Fucking dick. Thanks a lot That would have been very funny Okay

Eric says the last episode was the best I'm barely halfway through and this is one of the funniest episodes ever I love when you have Carl and Vinny on there. They're fantastic. Go see them at WAPT live. Yeah. Forget when the show was. Dick show gets better every year. I love. Wow. I don't know how you and Sean continue to make magic every week.

I love it. The people are making the magic for us. Honestly. Well, no, that's true. We just comment on it. Infection, bread and lady cops. Yeah. I could watch that all day.

That's amazing. Cause they're like, it's like bottle rocket. When they're testing their guns, you remember that movie? Yeah, oh yeah. And they're like shooting. Just unloading the guns. And at the end, it's all them shooting together. That's like what those lady cops were doing.

God help you if a woman cop shows them. Their synchronization was a little off though. They probably could have drilled that on a morning show, you know, once or twice before they went out in the field and you think those dance ladies practice with their guns? Yeah. Right? Do you think at some point the women when they're shooting at the door were like, oh, my fingers are getting tired. You know? Maybe. Like, oh, my jaw is like, oh, my fingers are starting to hurt. Yeah, yeah.

I should stop. Suburban Life says it wasn't an acorn that made that guy shoot. He got hit by a sound weapon that put gunshots in his ears. This guy extracts the audio from the body cam footage. Oh, okay. He got a sound weapon. This is a joke, right?

I don't know. It puts gunshots in his ears. He got hit with a sound weapon. Let's see. From what? From the scene. I'm not up on sound weapons. So again, this idea of putting sound anywhere you want to

is really starting to catch on. We've got the military had just deployed some of these into Iraq where you can put fake troop movements a quarter of a mile away on a hillside. Or you can whisper in the ear of a supposed terrorist, some biblical verse. Oh, it's crazy people. Yeah, right, sure, sure. Don't ever, if you ever talk about the Bible, crazy. Sorry, that's the'm sure sure don't ever if you ever talk about the Bible crazy Sorry, that's the rule. I didn't make the rule right you just live by it. Yeah, I just live by it

I'm serious. Yeah, I'm sure You people out there really sorry, okay, it's a lunatic Okay, thank you. Thank you for telling us about the sound weapon. Good shit. I wish there was such a thing, sound weapon. Well, I mean, they've been working on that kind of stuff for, I mean, you know, decades. But I mean, like...

What'd you do with the sound weapon? I mean, well, you'd, I think you would try to, you know, either, either kill or paralyze with, you know, kill. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Go around going, hey, fatso to the, like go to the mall, go to the Glendale Galleria. Rapture things, you know, like in your, in people's bodies, you know, just like, you know, I don't know.

You'd have to have. You just go to football games and say like, F-slurs to people. Like, hey, watch it, you're touching my arm, F-slur. And we go, what did you just call me? And then there's a big fight that breaks out, right? I don't know what state sound weapons are in right now. Hey buddy, how'd you put lipstick on that pig

that's sitting next to you? What the fuck did you say to me? Right? Yeah. That'll be fun. So just, fuck did you say to me? Right? Yeah. That'll be fun. So just, yeah, use it to incite old school violence. I got it. Stephen Mart says, I don't know, something with a woman.

Ben S says, thank you for making all this content just for my $5 for years, Dick. Harry's pulled back on their ads because they cut a deal with Target. They are the Target brand now. Okay, I didn't know that. I do remember that all the ads just went away. I used to hear Harry's on radio all the time

and then they were just gone. This is from Steve. Hey, Dick, did you see Amy Schumer is sick? Oh no, does she have diabetes? Let's see. Amy Schumer, you remember her? I do, yeah. She was a monster that became a stand-up female comedian.

Not a nice person by all accounts. Really? Yeah. Oh. She's supposed to be jolly. Amy Schumer diagnosed with rare health disorder. Something was wrong, she says. Seems like fat women get hit with a lot of health disorders, don't they? Wonder what the rare health disorder is. Hmm. Something was wrong, she says.

Was it busted knees? Was that the rare health disorder? 42. Share the shock health news. Cushing is caused by an excess amount of the stress hormone. Weight gain, around face and high blood pressure are... Oh, she's so fat because she has a disease. I see. According to this, only 40 to 70 people out of every one million. Wow. Do you think fat women are like, they're in kind of a competition to claim fake diseases?

Right, because if too many of them claim that they have cushions, then people will start to doubt it. Yeah, I mean. And they know this. They're like, I don't have cushions. I have another rare disease that makes me fat. Oh really, what is it? Hold on, let me go look it up.

Smushing's disease. Smushed my dog. Earlier this month, she hit headlines after fans remarked on her big fat face. Oh man. While I was doing press for my Hulu show, I was also in MRI machines four hours at a time. They had to use the big one that they used for football players on me. Having my veins shut down.

From the amount of blood drawn. Thinking I may not be around to see my son grow up. This sounds. Well, that's cause of the fatness. Yeah. My veins shut down. They just kept taking blood. They just needed pints and pints of, yeah. Woo. She looks like that guy they did poisoning on in Russia. Remember that guy?

Yeah, yeah, sure. The D2 poisoning. Which one? Yeah. Look at her face. Oh. She's got the face of a 1200 pound woman. Oh boy.

And she's no bigger than half that size. It's been a crazy couple of weeks for me and my family. This is some great marketing. So you launch a new show and you go and talk about your magical illness that every woman would love most in life to have a magical illness. Scroll a little more. So finding out I have the kind of cushion that will just work itself out and I'm healthy was the greatest.

So it turns out- So your face will stop being fat. So it'll just work itself out and I'm healthy was the greatest. So it turns out- So your face will stop being fat. So it'll just work itself out. It's that kind of, like I don't know- Wow, sounds like a really crazy rare disease. Look, I've heard of it. I don't know anything about it, but it's like, oh, out of the incredibly rare, I've got the kind that's, everything just works out okay.

So I just get to be in the headlines and be super dramatic, but it turns out I'm gonna be just fine. And it explains my big fat face. But I almost died, I almost died. That's why I look like this. Everyone's making fun of me, but actually I have a disease that goes away. I have that too, it's called being drunk. I get to hit with that rare disease a lot.

Well, remember how like, it's different than everybody else's. Norm McDonald kept his cancer under wraps and everything. Did you ever see him toward the end of it? Like his face was enormous. Like huge fat face, like looked like he had some serious medication. And he died though.

And he died. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He, yes. I don't think she's gonna die. Well, no, it turns out she's gonna be just fine. She's totally healthy. It works itself out. She has that kind of cushion.

You know that it's worked itself out cause you're not fat anymore or is that a lingering effect of the Smushing's disease? Does it go away in the fat phase stays? Treatments for smushing, treatment for cushing is very depending on what is causing the patient to experience the syndrome. What are- Per the mayonnaise clinic, it's different than the Mayo clinic.

How is it, how can it be fatal? Like what does it do to you? They haven't really explained it, have they? Your face gets so big that you can't fit through doors anymore to go eat. Well, that's... Wow, she is a big fucking face. Cushings is caused by a tumor. Oh, it's a tumor. Oh, if Cushings is caused by a tumor.

It appears Schumer's case does not require... So there is no tumor. So it's the... So she's got a tumorless case of cushions that makes your face fat and then goes away. What else can cause it? Being on television, I think. And maybe it's something she ate. Everything.

Is it possible to get it from eating everything? Is it possible, doctor, is it possible to get Cushing's disease? Is it possible to... Doctor, is it possible to get Cushing's disease? Is it something I ate? Well, what did you eat? Everything. Oh, yeah, that could be possible then. I want so much for women to love themselves and be relentless when fighting for their own health. I mean, this in a system that usually doesn't believe them. Well, because you guys are always lying about like fake magical ailments that you have that make you fat

and then go away on their own. That's why. Cause you're very unhealthy obviously before you're a big fast lob and now you're fatter and it's cause of a disease. That's why. It just seems like a cry for publicity and attention to me. Yeah.

And she's in an MRI machine too. Thank you so much for everyone's input about my face. I don't think she means that. Maybe not. All right, well, okay. Good. Good one. Good shit.

Bootyman says, hey, Dick, long time listener, since the biggest problem, I stopped following the show for a while, but I got dragged back into the goss thanks to the Magnum Copus and re-upped my Patreon. Thank you. Look at, I mean, they're all coming back. It was all, it was all going away. He just had to not do something a half a decade later, you know? I mean, just don't upload it. Just make other, make good stuff, you know? yeah talk about being broke 45 do some depressing content Yeah, I thought what happened to me recently was interesting. I was just awarded him an employee of the month at my work

It's no big deal But you get 50 bucks and a box of chocolates and they take your picture and posted the Facebook page better than the stick in the eye I had to stop them from doing the last part though because I don't want to have my name face and workplace in the same place on the internet They seem a little confused. And I didn't want to explain that some nut job on the internet named Maddox is posting my name along with others on a Nazi rapist pedophile stalker list with an SS logo above it. Just because I was in a Dick show Facebook group half a decade ago, I told them I don't trust having that info on the internet.

Yep. Thanks for the laughs. Go fuck yourself don't trust having that info on the internet. Yep. Thanks for the laughs, go fuck yourself. Get Flint Flossy on the show, okay? Bootyman, all right, maybe I'll try. Thanks for resubscribing. Thanks for listening. Okay, update on the rape from Mark.

From Mark. The rape? Update on the rape. I wanted to give you an update and let you know how the consensual rape went Mark, from Mark. The rape? Update on the rape. I wanted to give you an update and let you know how the consensual rape went a few months ago. I'll get to that in a moment, but I first wanted to thank Sean.

When you read my last email a couple months ago, Sean remarked that maybe I didn't know what's normal when it comes to women. After a bit of reflection, I realized that Sean was right, but I also don't care. So I've decided to stop trying to convince myself that I want something I don't.

Clearly I want a 100 pounds tattooed girl on an antidepressants who has extreme daddy issues and wants me to rape her. Okay, whoa, I don't remember this email. That's what I've always wanted, now I'm okay with that. Thanks Sean. As for the rape, I think it went quite well as far as rapes go.

I walked into her house wearing a bandana on my face. So rape fantasy. It's rape fantasy as well. Oh yeah, I remember that guy. He was meeting a bunch of weird girls that wanted him to come in and pretend to rape them, right? Right. Well, that's a, yeah, do you say fake?

It's a fantasy. Yeah. Just to be clear. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, here it is. Yeah. Start lying about my age. Is this the rape one?

She wants me to come in and rape. He's dating a 22 year old college dropout who wants her to come in and pretend to rape him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. What a fucking, what a pain in the ass. Well, yeah. And you know, who knows, crazy. Cause she's probably actually been raped.

Like, I mean, that's, so you have to keep that in mind and keep you up to hard. Well, like by a like family member, or father or stepfather or something. Probably a family member. Yeah. When she was like young. So you have to not think about that while you're doing the fake rape too.

Yeah. So you can't keep it hard. And you're doing the fake rape too. Yeah. You can't keep it hard. And that's got to be humiliating for her. If you're fake raping her and you can't get an erection, you can't even get raped, she's going to say. Oh boy. You're going to make it worse. There's, you know, it's a lot of pressure.

It's a lot of pressure for you. As for the rape, I think it went quite well as far as rapes go I walked into her house wearing a bandana on my face and holding a nine millimeter handgun Jesus As was her request. Wow. She's very specific like a bandit like a handkerchief like a train robber Maybe I mean was you know, I'm robbing this pussy. I I mean, you know, I'm robbing this pussy. I told her to keep her mouth shut or I'd fucking kill her. Like usual suspects. Get my shot.

I fucking kill you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The bandana was a good idea because it was hard to keep a straight face. Yeah. So anyway, I shoved the gun in her mouth. Oh, and we start fucking.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not straight face. So anyway, I shoved the gun in her mouth. Oh, and we start fucking. She then tells me, wait, he told me how big her tits were in the last email. Hold on, that's important. Okay. Was he saying, I'm picturing her really skinny. Yeah, he did say she was skinny. That doesn't always mean. No, he did say she was skinny. That doesn't always mean.

No, you can have big tits. Let's see. B cups. Oh, this is different. Okay. That's the same guy. B cups, okay. Yeah.

So anyway, I shove the gun in her mouth and we start fucking. Man, you're gonna chip your teeth with a hand gun in your mouth? Her mouth. Her mouth. Her mouth. Yeah. She starts telling me to hit her in the face. So I smacked her.

She says harder. So I hit her harder. This continues and I end up giving her a black eye and choking her until she passes out. Jesus Christ. Best sex I've ever had. Wow, long story short, she's moving in with me in a couple weeks, and it's all thanks to Sean.

Oh no, Dysavow. You fucked that guy over pretty good. Dysavow. Oh man. Mark, well. Well, he said he doesn't care. That was the... Yeah, he said, I realized that maybe Sean was right, but I don't care.

I want what I want. Yeah, he's at least being honest Yeah, totally totally well Just you know Tim heard careful you're gonna end up fucking in the back of a cop car pretty soon You're gonna have a nice old family, you know, you're gonna knock her up. You're gonna fight a lot I don't I mean get fat and old and you're gonna stop fighting You're gonna do that a couple times and she's gonna and she's gonna go, you know, he hit me. Look.

And then two lady cops are gonna show up and kill both of you. Yeah, right. Tim Hurett says, Sean is wrong about voter fraud. Oh, you're getting torn up in this one. Oh, sure. I'm probably overreacting to a comedy bit here,

but Sean's aggressive denial of voter fraud pissed me off enough to write this email. Good, but not do any research. I am a Canadian citizen who has lived in the US since 2012. I lived in Oakland, California during the 2016 election and Austin in the 2020 election. During the 2016 election, I was approached five separate times by five separate unrelated people

encouraging me to vote illegally and offering to show me how. That's odd, isn't it? It's odd, yeah. I was additionally approached, probably Republicans. I mean, it's also, you know, I don't know. It's also a guy on the... Auckland is a legendary...

A guy on the internet talking to us. He's making it up? I don't know. Probably making it up. I don't know. It's also a guy on the internet talking to us. He's making it up. I don't know. Probably making it. I don't know. I mean, maybe paying him to make this up. Republicans, probably. Maybe. Yeah. Offering to show me how I was additionally approached. Well, is he is he allowed to see allowed to vote? No, he's Canadian. He's Canadian. Yeah.

So I'm going to vote legally. Yeah. Yeah. Not not good. Yeah. Well, he's not good to make this stuff up either Well, I mean not good. I mean, no, I mean, this is the threatening democracy could very well be telling the truth Like that guy who's in jail Douglas Mackey for the vote by text thing. Do you see that? Remember that? Oh the vote? Yeah, where it's like, yeah, because idiots were like, yeah, we can do this like no, you cannot vote by text Are you kidding me? I don't I don't know if anybody actually followed that advice. I'm not sure. I always think-

But he went to prison for eight months. I always think there's gonna be some. Who, yeah, there's gonna be some who think that the iPad is a scale that you can vote by text. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah.

He went to prison for that. Yeah, he did, didn't he? I don't make any jokes like that because that guy went to prison. Really? Yeah. And I think it'd jokes like that because that guy went to prison. Really? Yeah And I think it'd be very effective to stop morons from voting. Yeah, so they're kind of right Okay, yeah, right. I think the system should allow for that. Oh, I think that People are super under informed today more than ever. They have no idea what the fuck is going on

Yeah, they have no idea what the fuck is going on. They have no idea. And you can't trick stupid people into not voting, which should be allowed. Like you can trick them into, you can lie for them to vote. You should definitely be able to lie for them not to vote. I kind of, yeah.

That's fair. I'm full point of it. It weeds it out. Yeah. I mean, you want standards for, you want standards for cops and stuff, don't you? I mean, obviously those are not, not around anymore, but obviously we don't have those.

Yeah. We don't have those, but yeah, whatever. Yeah. Bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, final mag dump. Jews, Ukrainian kids, no, did I lose it? Oh well. Okay, every single time, oh yeah. So you was approached. I was approached five separate times by five separate unrelated people

encouraging me to vote illegally. Do they just, now how does he, they know he's Canadian? No, they're just canvassing. Like then they're just like, hey, can you vote? No, I'm Canadian. Oh, well, anyway, here's how you do it. Sure. Sure. I was additionally approached once in the 2020 election with the same offer. Every single time was by someone you would describe as a woke 20 something

activist. Yeah, I don't doubt it. These were just random people I met at house parties. None of these were jokes. They all sincerely believe that I could do this very easily and I would never get any trouble for it. Yeah. Every time I said the same thing, isn't this a felony? And every time they replied to the same thing, yeah, but nobody will ever care. The fact that this was so common offering offered to me by random people with no political affiliation beyond being opinionated liberals, they're probably putting that on because they want you to,

they're framing the Democratic party by pretending to be liberals. Tells me that this kind of explicitly illegal voting is widespread. Obviously it is. Obviously. No, not necessarily. People are cheaters.

People are cheaters. There's fraud in every election that's ever been. Is it a pervasive widespread, like not, no. Like- You don't think so? No, no, no. Why are we locking up deodorant at the store then? Cause people like to steal deodorant.

Okay, so why are we, wouldn't that same logic say that, well everybody's doing crimes all the time, then that if they're not getting caught. All I'm saying is that every one of the points, like this happened, this happened, this happened. I've been, it's very easy to debunk. Like, oh, this happened. Here, look, all these votes were counted.

This was counted under cover of darkness. No, there's like a hundred court cases where I say, every representative was in the room. Like stuff like that. There's one court case. That's what I want. That's what I want. Wide spread election changing fraud.

You're going to have isolated instances of like, he's in Austin and Oakland, right? Or happened once in 2020 when he was in Austin, happened more times, yeah, to him. That's... What if one happened to everybody? It's not homogenous across the country. That's not how cities work. Why is it deodorant locked up then?

My deodorant's not locked up at the store that I go to. Rich people stores. What are you talking about? Trader Joe's, Ralph's or Vaughn's. My deodorant's locked up. Our whole store fucking shut down because of all the crime. Mine's not. Since these events have happened, I have become 100% convinced that all US elections are fraudulent if the winner is just whoever cheats the best.

Well, it's called Paul, yeah. Yes. It's called Paul's, hey, we're, you know. Yes. I'm in agreement that everybody's gonna try. The side that doesn't believe in God cheats the best. If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. News flash.

If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. The side that doesn't believe in divine retribution is cheating the best. I'm sorry to spoil a spoiler alert. And which side believes in God? That side. Okay. They're not winning.

I don't know. Just hang them right now. Throw the skip the middleman. Well, they don't, the God that they believe in doesn't seem to be anything like related to the Bible for the most part. No, it's their dad. Right. That's who it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The side that's afraid of their dad loses. The side that hates their dad wins every time. That's what's happening. Forget about, forget which party of which. It doesn't matter. The side that hates their dad wins. Sure. Trace is woman alert. All right. Woman alert. And then no more woman alerts. Woman alert. We've done a lot. We've done a lot. Woman They've been women been doing crazy stuff this week

Should have had this queued up no not that one Not that one either this one, okay, Trey. What do you got? No one on hinge understands this prompt. What's hinge? Hinge is a dating app. Oh, hinge. That favors women because they make the first message. She's been called unhinged.

That's a good name. On hinge. Yeah, but your voter fraud stuff soured me on your jokes. Women with the... I've made too many puns today. Sorry. Okay, go on.

Go on. All right. No one on Hinge understands this prompt. A random... The question, the prompt is a random fact I love is, and then blank. Okay? So you're supposed to describe your personality with these little survey questions, right? So they ask women to fill out a random fact.

This is what they're getting. Yeah. A random fact I love is Starbucks. Bum. Is that a random fact that you love? Is that if I... No, that would not be a... Tell us a random fact that you love that if I? No, that would not be a tell us a random fact that you love Starbucks

Survey says Number one number one response from women is a random fact. I love is Starbucks a Random fact. I love is in and out in in out. In, in, out. Okay. In, in, out. A random fact I love is pickles. I go crazy for Percocet. Okay, that's-

That's better. That's much better, yeah. Yeah. A random fact I love is that boys only get flowers at their funeral, that's not a fact. Well, I kind of like that one though. It's better than Starbucks and in and out. In and out.

In and out. Yeah. Is she describing sex or the hamburger chain? In and out. A pornographic hamburger chain. Right. A random fact I love is the Dunning Kruger effect is one of the most misunderstood scientific theories.

Yeah. None of that's accurate. Okay. Even the scientific theory part is not accurate. Right, right. It's, yeah. Okay. I feel most supported when I turn my bidet on full blast.

A random, oh here's this beautiful. A random fact I love is traveling and exercise. Is traveling spelled incorrectly there? Well then there's no and, it's traveling, traveling exercise. So it's not a different line though. This could be the 100% pedo or whatever, you know, like it's, how do you take that? How do you, how does that read to you? Would you ever tell people this is 100% petto, 100% free content?

Right. I wasn't thinking about it being pedophile content or not, but now I'm trying to think, is it made by pedophiles? And what are you saying? It's 100% pedophile free content. Why did you specify content? Just say it's 100% pedophile free. We know that it's content.

You're kind of like, it's like kind of like putting an asterisk by it. 100% pedophile free. And let me know that it's content. Right? I mean, you're kind of like, it's like kind of like putting an asterisk by it. 100% pedophile free asterisk. What's the asterisk for? That makes me think there's some pedophiles in this. Yeah. Well, that's 100% pedophile free content. What about everything else? That's not the content.

Right. Does that have pedophiles in it? Well, it's a, Carlin said, you know, like, to talk about like emergency situation, like they put an extra, you don't need situation like police and respond to an emergency. Emergency. Not a situation. Everything's a situation. Cops can't understand it. If you talk like that though, they need to have like, We have an emergency situation.

Yeah. We have an emergency. They are used as qualifiers. Yeah. A random fact I love is traveling spelled wrong and exercise. I gotta put exercise. It's two different lines. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um, okay. That's women in a nutshell, man. Can you tell me about a random fact that you love? Traveling and exercise? Mm-hmm. Hmm. And the traveling is spelled wrong. You're reading comprehension is...

Oh, what do you... What's something you know? Like what's something in your mind that you have stored for utility? You think it's neat. You just kind of do, you know. Right. Traveling and exercise in that order.

And how long are we? We're supposed to be together for how long? Oh, 80 years? Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. It's gonna be a lot of traveling. Yeah. Oof.

What are we doing when we're not traveling? Exercise. Right. Is that real? No. Oh. Are you doing, when you're not traveling, you do an exercise?

No, I do both about the same amount. Yeah. Oh. Okay. So about twice a year When you're not traveling, you're doing an exercise? No, I do both about the same amount. Yeah. Oh. Mm-hmm. Okay. So about twice a year, you exercise? Good. All right. What's a random fact that you know, that you love?

Starbucks. Uh, sure. Good one. These are the facts. Mm-hmm. Erotic story from a real man. Do we have time for one of those? Yeah, why not? The big show presents an erotic story from a real man. It's a long one.

Let's see if I missed anybody calling in. Oh yeah. If anybody wants to call in who's listening, hop in the Discord. This is from Josh. Hey, Dick. Please don't read my name on the show. Oops. I'm a long time listener.

He's finally found some time to write up a story that happened several years ago when I was fresh out of undergrad and moved back in with my parents. Right. Nowhere. I was impressed and with very limited dating prospects. I was also quite a bit more autistic back then

than I am now. Every fucking time. I think there's more people who say they're autistic. And are autistic? Well, no, just in that then. Then statistically possible. Maybe they are autistic. We only get them, you know, writing us maybe.

It's kind of. We only have autistic people writing us? I'm shocked. I mean, the majority seems to be. I mean, at least it sticks in my mind that we seem to have a lot of those statements. Man, do you know how hard it is for men, young men to be having quality like sex now? Women have in the 60s, the average woman was 140 pounds.

Today, the average woman is 170.4 pounds. Do you understand how few women are fuckable compared to 40 to 50 years ago? I mean, it's a lot of... That's a lot of... To the weight. That's a lot of women now. The average woman is a lot... There's a lot of women... Isn't it like 174? Is it? Let's see. Average woman weight.

I thought we went Average woman US or whatever a hundred seventy point eight pounds. It's gone up. Well, you really are on top of that You keep you keep tight. I know I'm gonna grab they're gonna graduate up a Pokemon if they're not careful They're gonna be a blast always EX that's pretty soon 20 years in a bup. That's so much. Huge. And that's the average. I know, yeah. That's like 10% of women or somebody you want to fuck.

And they're still five four. They're still five four, yeah, just about. They're not seven feet tall. Right. Which is... Man, that's... It's huge! And then combine that with...

Let's see, how many women are on SSRIs? Yeah. 70%! Wait, what? What? SSRIs are the most commonly prescribed... Oh, that's a number of prescriptions. What percentage of females?

Okay, 17. 17. Yeah. Those things, you know, those those things can absolutely cause weight gain. But they can also cause the loss of your sex drive. Yo, big time. That's one of the biggest, uh, that's one of the biggest side effects. Yeah, big time. Yeah. Big pharma and, uh, big McDonald's and big Starbucks, big Stanley, combined to fatten up an entire generation of women and kill their sex drive and you got guys, guys who are getting shoved out in the world who have been babysat by fat women for

20 years and have no concept of and indoctrinated with like the most insane liberal bullshit imaginable. It's really hard to be. I would not want to be a young man these days. You're trying to convince a woman whose libido is being scrambled by drugs. Ignore the mental health, whatever. Yeah, yeah, but no, that's it. Libido's destroyed.

You're 100% right. It is one of the major drawbacks to that can happen. It's so sick what's happening to young guys out there. And then if they ever say anything. One of their snapping and going fucking crazy. They don't think they can talk. No, they're chopping their dicks off.

I hate this fucking penis. Like what's it doing to me? It's driving me to fuck fat women or be continually rejected by women who are basically existing on salt baser. I think guys are like probably terrified to like make a move because everything is an aggression or everything is like a, it's.

It's just demented. It's fucking demented what these big companies have done to men. I mean, and if they show even the slightest amount of fascism, which is fine for young guys, it's fascism, racism, all that shit, totally fine for young men. That's what makes them such great soldiers, right?

That's, they love it. They love it. That's also fine. They'll grow out of it. It's also when you're at your most ignorant. Yes. Yeah, it's true. You change your opinion. You should change your opinion.

You can break a couple things and you think, oh, oh, shit, I don't actually live forever. Oh, that's why there's God. Oh, fuck, okay. If you're our age and you don't think of certain things that you thought or said and cringe a little bit, you have fucked up. Yeah, just to be clear, everything I said on Dr. Phil, I even said, I would have said even worse stuff now.

I could go back in time. That stuff. That's, you're cringing the other way. I'm cringing the other way. That's what I figured with you. I figured with you. He thinks it's a joke. That's when I look back, and then I'm like, oh my God, buddy, it's not as funny as you think it is. I didn't lay it on thick enough. I didn't yeah, I didn't you should have knocked Dr. Phil out

And dr. Phil now he's going he's going on Joe Rogan saying like yeah the trans stuff is fucked man Like what an immigration is fucked? The smoke detector nation now It's gonna soon it'll be illegal to not have a beeping smoke detector during February. Well, you'll be a white supremacist. I went over this. Sorry, but I noticed you have a smoke detector. Is it not working?

What do you mean? Well, it's not beeping it. So is this like a race thing? Like what do you, you know, Hitler, what's going on here? Yeah, you're gonna beep it up. Let's get these smoke detectors beeping before company comes over. We got a couple of female units on the way. This guy's smoke detectors not beeping.

I didn't get a beep out of this guy. You watch your ass. They're gonna drive by. Female cops, the future is just fat female cops driving with their stomach down the street, blasting randomly. The bag is sonic. Bro, fucking, uh, did you watch True Detective? The new season? No, no, no.

I haven't watched any, uh, okay. I heard the first, the original, the first season was brilliant, second season sucked ass, then. Only because it was confusing. Oh really? And then it was okay. But it's like the third season? No, the third season was like a time traveling.

It showed like a black guy and Steven Dora. Is it a reboot? Is it new actors? No, no, no, no. Well, every season is new actors. Oh, that's totally unrelated. Didn't know that. Yeah, it's just like a theme of how gritty it is. That's the idea.

See, I know nothing about the show really, except for what I've heard from people who are pretty much kind of overwhelming. And everybody, first one, great. Second one sucks. Yeah, cause it's okay. It's just confusing. And it's like too close to kind of being real.

Like people don't understand the city of Vernon is that show. It's a fake city that's just like crime. Oh, well, the city of Vernon is they busted. God, how corrupt. It was crazy. Dude, I mean, like, yeah, I remember reading all about it. Just it was a complete. But they had safe elections.

I don't know. Don't suggest anything otherwise. Right, right, right, right. Vernon, you can tell me anything. I'd believe it. But the country that's sending little 18 year old boys off to a meat grinder. Oh yeah.

So the new season is the twist was cool at the end where they make you think it's like a monster or something or something dumb. It turns out to just be murders, like normal. Right, right. This lame, a lot of like, you know, you put women in like a role when they're supposed to be intimidating and I just don't ever buy it. Like as far as I'm concerned the only effective intimidating woman is Penelope Cruz from blow. That's because she's psycho

Psycho. Yeah, you're like, oh my gosh. Yeah. Oh shit. Oh my dad married one of those Then you know, yeah, I do. Oh, yeah. Oh for for real. Yeah, but when women start like barking orders at you I kind of fuck off. Yeah, okay, whatever. I'm just gonna do it I'm gonna start like barking orders at you. Like, I'm gonna fuck off. Okay, whatever, I'm just gonna do it. So that is working at some, but at the end of the reason why I brought this up is at the end of the show,

it's basically like the whole show, or at least the last episode, is a justification for a bunch of indigenous fat women to have summarily executed old white male scientists. And the imagery is not subtle. have summarily executed old white male scientists. And the imagery is not subtle. Like they take them out into Alaska and murder them because they were involved in a murder of a fat indigenous woman, but still it's like,

yeah, well, you know, that was cool. But it's definitely not. It's not justified. I've seen a lot of that stuff that is so, it's just so. It's just the anti-male and anti-white. Well, and just so, so heavy handed. Like where it's like, you can do,

you can do shows that advance a social agenda. You can do them well. You can do them, you can win people over. I really believe that. I've seen stuff like that that nothing's coming to mind right now, but it's done well. Wow, they did that in a very subtle and clever way. And it made me think about something a little bit different.

Not there's a lot of very, very woke young writers who are ruining scripts. They want to give the impression. I see it all the time. Yeah, they want to give the impression that they want to make you feel like sympathy for the fat indigenous white women, or fat indigenous women, which is fine.

And they want to use white women as like the carrier of this marriage or whatever. But then the execution is so bad, it just makes you hate them. You're just saying that it's fine that they killed all those white guys, and that's definitely illegal. Yeah. Yeah, anyway. So you got a bunch of guys going out trying to fuck, trying to fuck fat women, and other women have their fucking brain scrambled.

That's tough to be a young man these days for sure. Can't say anything racist or you can't go to college. Where's the, where's the outlet? Where's the, what you got a super chatting. Sam Hyde is the only outlet these boys have. All right. Um, Yeah. Yeah. Good. Voting for Trump, honestly, is the only outlet they have. Maybe that's it. Cause he's the only one who's allowed to say,

to go and to run wild. Say women are fat. Say he's fat. It really is. I mean, it's 100% that. There's definitely some, it's a, there's a lot of frustration. Yeah. There's a lot of frustration.

I understand it. I really do. I mean, I feel bad for them. It's tough to- Cause you talk to women and- It's real tough to be a young man. Women don't want to have sex ever. And then you get to that moment with them,

where there's boys- I'm not women who do want to have sex. Well, you know, once they get enough money in the coffer, but right away, right? When you're negotiating with them, they need something to tip them over the edge to make them want to have sex with. They got it being blocked by big pharmaceutical companies

who are making assloads of money. And then they go out and then they go out and say, hey, everybody, we got to think about mental health. We got to think about mental health. And you're like, I got to forget my out and say hey everybody we gotta think about mental health we gotta think about mental housing like I gotta forget my fucking nut I'm tired of thinking about mental health I'm going crazy I'm going fucking crazy I'm gonna kill Elmo if I hear anything and when they're back they're going God well I'm not satisfied I'm not getting fucked I don't feel any drive to get fucked I must be my mental health please

everybody talk about my mental art what's she doing she's having a get over here get over here. Get over here. This is the show's going too long. Play with me. Oh, shit, is it? No, I mean, it's whatever. We go way longer than this.

Oh, hey. Oh, hi. Oh, no, she's fine. I matched with a girl on Tinder who was very borderline. Like I couldn't tell if she was fat or not. Oh. Oh, that kind of borderline. That kind of borderline.

That's a much worse kind of borderline. Yeah. Yeah. That's a much worse kind of all right. Well, you can tune out the other kind. Okay. Well, good luck when they, if they show up at, you know, you don't return a text in the lock, if they show up at your fucking work, that's okay. But what if they show up to your work and the fucking plate start rattling, you know, Hey, someone's here asking for Dick. Nope, I'm not here.

Yeah. Not me. Yeah. There's another Dick. Right. Like I couldn't tell if she was fat or not. After years of experience, I'm now aware that if you have to ask, the answer is yes, she's fat.

Okay. You got to watch this love is blind stuff, man. Really? So funny. What, who is it on? Netflix. Oh, it's a Netflix show. Oh, wow, okay.

This bitch said that, because the guys try to ask them to suss out if they're fat. What celebrity do you say, do people say you look like? That's good, yeah. Well, sometimes they're like weird caricatures of. This girl. Yeah. She said she looked like Megan.

Orson Welles. of this girl. Yeah. She said she looked like horse and wells. I mean, I do, I do see the weird Megan Foxx interface. I mean, fat, yeah. It's just a weird, different bone structure. But I mean, like, yeah, you know, fat Megan Foxx. Yeah. It's funny. Get away with murder though on that show. Women do. She also lived about an hour away from me. But in the same direction as work. That's convenient. In the same direction. How long does he drive to work?

Well, I mean, I guess, you know, he could work. Yeah, how far past? But if he's going to see her from work, then he's already halfway there. Whatever. Yeah. We texted for a few days and she made it obvious that if I were to drive out to her, I'd get to fuck her.

So I plan to do it that Friday after work. Friday morning, I had a Pop-Tart and milk for breakfast as usual. I don't fuck with milk. Do you drink milk? I used to, I mean, I like milk, but I don't just drink it as a drink anymore. Yeah, I mean, I put a lot of milk in my cereal.

You know, I even tell you that Vito's script for Super Killer leaked. Really? You know, he's doing that comic book. It's so late. But Null Akiwi Farms found a link to an old version of the script on someone else's podcast stream. The guy was reviewing Vito's comic

and he accidentally put the link to his Super Killer. Oh God was reviewing Vito's comic and he accidentally put the link to his super-poly. Oh God, so Vito didn't, well I mean Vito let the link out to begin with, right? He shared it with the guy, so they could talk about it, but the guy had it. Hosted it publicly. Just accidentally. Like he was reading it on stream and he had it visible. Oh God, yeah. I thought it would be devastating too. But Vito doesn't care. Oh okay Oh, okay. Well, and then everyone why should we yeah, I was gonna rail him

Yeah, it's gonna be hilarious. Yeah, but everyone made fun of him so poorly. Oh, like Not really They made fun of the dumbest things that it was like didn't do anything. Yeah, he's just been unstoppable this week Oh, good. He needs some wins Not this many and not this many too many too close together not against me There you go You said he said it all my milk didn't taste quite right, but I kept it down Well, have you seen they're making trans women milk now for babies?

Yeah, they're squirting out milk out of their he boobs or whatever. Yeah, we covered this a while ago too. Yeah, it's safe. A little bit, yeah. Totally safe. Right, don't make cinnamon rolls with it. Don't do that. Probably not exactly the same, right?

As real milk? Probably not. I don't know, I probably don't, yeah. I would be suspicious. If I was a baby, I'd go, I don't know about that. Yeah, yeah. I haven't been around very long, but I think you guys are already bullshitting me. Something's up. I looked at the expiration date before I left, and I saw it had expired a day or two before.

Yeah. I'm not sure this had an impact on later events or not, but it might have. Ooh, this is a good storytelling. I have had milk. I have had milk. I have had milk go bad before the expiration date. That never used to happen.

That would say, oh, you can drink milk about a week after the expiration date. Yeah, because they fry it. Now it's basically, I've got a really, really good sense of smell and I know when something, it's my strongest sense. I don't know why, just, you know, just do. Even more than balance?

Even more than, well, I mean. Sense of balance, your sense of smell is better than that. I smell things that other people don't smell. Wow. And then, if something, they go, oh, a day or two later, I smell it now. Every once in a while, a rat, I used to live in this old house in Echo Park, right?

Like a 100 year old house, raised foundation. You remember the house. Yeah, dead rats would get in there. They would go under there, something would die. I would smell it two or three days before somebody else would. I'd get something fucking died. And then it would, if it was, then they go, oh God, it's fucking stinks in here.

I go, I've been telling you that for two days. There's a fucking, there's a dead animal under the house. I smelled the fucking gas leak that like four firemen showed up and were like, no, no, no, no, you'd smell. It's just musty, you'd smell. That's why gas is there. I go, oh yeah. And then my uncle's house, he calls me the next day.

He did too much coke in his life. He lost a sense of smell basically. So he's like, you know, I don't, I don't know. You can use your sense of smell. Yeah. I mean, it definitely impacted. My sense of smell has never helped me. Okay. He goes, he calls me up to that. He goes, you don't know how right you were.

I go, yeah, those motherfuckers fucking tried to like, yeah, no, no, it's just, it's just a musty smell. Like that's not what gas smells like. I go, I know what the fuck it smells like. Yeah. So he's like, yeah, you don't know how right you were. It was fucking leaking from down. Like it was wafting up from the main. Like, yeah.

So, you know, like anyway, but I don't know why I started talking about my sense of smell, but it was. Because of the milk. Because of the milk. Have you ever had milk go bad while you're drinking it? Like not while I was drinking it, but I, but I know when it starts to get strong, but I have noticed over so many years that it seems to just make it to the

expiration date, not beyond like it used to. They're, they're gipping us again. Another way to, to, to jip us out of something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My milk didn't taste quite right. Yeah. After I drove to her place, I didn't want to try to bang this broad on an empty stomach. So I stopped and picked up some... That's milk.

I stopped and picked up some Burger King on the way. Milk with that Burger King? I think that's probably the combination that's going to have a problem. Come on, man. What are you doing? I don't know that it's slightly expired milk. It shouldn't hurt you. It's just gross.

Two bacon cheeseburgers and a medium fries. Yeah. That's a lot of oil and milk. Chicken sandwich, chicken sandwich, maybe no mayo. I don't know about the milk. I mean, if it could have a big jug of milk and two cheeseburger bacon cheeseburgers and a medium fry. Yeah I've watched that coupon go from 399 under Trump to 649 now. Yeah, thanks Joe Biden crazy

Well, Trump printed all that money sadly. Yeah, sure. I mean, it's a you know jackass well, whoever gets you know Whoever's in office gets a credit or the blame Man, all that fucker had to do was deny one omnibus bill honestly. Yeah It's a jackass. Well, whoever gets, you know, whoever's in office gets a credit or the blame. Man, all that fucker had to do was deny one omnibus bill. Honestly, pardon Julian Assange, except he thinks he's a terrorist or whomever, pardon Snowden and Assange,

and then just veto one omnibus bill. That's all I wanted and he fucking didn't do it. I get to her place and when she opens the door It's immediately obvious that her tinder pictures were taken about 30 pounds ago Not as bad as it could have been she was still tall so the extra weight Was at least distributed yeah, okay, but she was well over the line of curvy Front teeth were also fucked up making her seem a lot trashier than I anticipated. It's like a trailer park dump these taken here, but with no other prospects for getting laid anytime in the near future, I soldiered on. I got to her apartment and she offers me a screwdriver.

a screwdriver. She had a window, you know, if they needed fixing. Okay, screwdriver. Okay, that's, yeah, fine. Whatever. Screwdriver? Yeah, it's a little specific. Or I mean like it's something that's a bit alcoholic woman drinks. You want a beer or something? Like, you know, something to calm, like maybe a gin and tonic. You want to calm your stomach? You want to, you want a screwdriver? You want a bunch of acid in your stomach? Yeah. See, that's the, yeah. At the time I hardly ever drank alcohol and I didn't even like orange juice,

but I take it and start drinking just to have something to do to fill the awkward gaps in conversation. While we were in the kitchen, her cat came out to eat. She had the cat's bowl, the food bowl sitting in the kitchen with wet food that had obviously been sitting there open for a while When I looked closer I could see maggots. Oh my god She saw the disgusted look on my face and started apologizing to me and the cat and rushed to clean the food bowl. Oh Jesus Christ can't give these girls animals. Oh man

It's not fair the how long does it have to it probably doesn't have to sit there that long, but it's more than a fucking day. Yeah. Right? Like a week. Maybe. Or maggots. Yeah. That's forever. Why is that cat not eating his food? I'm gonna throw up. So he's got milk, two bacon cheeseburgers, fries, orange juice, and alcohol. Vodka, and maggots. At this point, I'm so thoroughly repulsed but too autistic to know how to make an exit. Just run. Like forest gump. So I go sit on her couch and down the entire screwdriver.

No, because he still wants to fuck her, that's why. She comes out after a few minutes and sits next to me and we make awkward conversation. It's at this point, I start to feel something in my stomach. The feeling rapidly intensifies as the unholy concoction of expired milk, Burger King, vodka, and orange juice. Well, remember that your body tries to deal with alcohol

before it deals with anything else. Oh. So like basically now you've got, well now you've got bad indigestion because your shit's not being digested. An orange juice starts to make my stomach feel like a volcano that's about to blow over. I make a quick excuse and then literally sprint across her apartment to the bathroom, digested. And orange juice starts to make my stomach feel like a volcano that's about to blow over.

I make a quick excuse and then literally sprint across her apartment to the bathroom, throwing myself at the toilet without even closing the door. As I slide on my knees so he's throwing up across the bathroom floor to come to a skidding stop in front of the porcelain throne, I see too late that my date has made a grave tactical error. She kept the toilet lid down. Oh, okay. I mean, that's normal. A passage made a grave tactical error. She kept the toilet lid down. Okay. I mean, that's normal.

A passage from a science fiction book. Once I once I, I once read flashes through my mind, something about how containing a nuclear explosion for a fraction of a second increases yield a hundred fold. Right. Because the area autistic. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. And at that, my stomach blew and I projectile vomited all over her toilet with the lid down.

Well, that's why there's like neutron moderators and stuff, right? So he's just throwing up and talking about fucking physics? Yeah. Okay. Ugh. Bacon cheeseburgers. When I come to after 30 seconds or so, my body- So you threw up all over the top of the-

I look to see the entire room is covered in half digested Burger King. Oh God. All over the toilet and the ground and the walls around it, somehow some of it bounced off the toilet and ended up in the sink. That was behind me and above my head. Jesus. I fight to quell a sense of panic as I look around the room and plan my move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is... How can I...

This is like Jeff Daniels and Dumb and dumber just shitting into the broken toilet Nowadays I'm smart enough to know in this situation. The correct move is to sprint out the door Yes, but back then I wasn't quite as morally bankrupt as I am now and I didn't want to do this to this poor fat girl Whose bathroom I just completely destroyed a stand-up woozly and shut and lock the bathroom door Not making eye contact or acknowledging her presence in any way. Yeah, cause she's gotta be like, Hey, are you okay? I then proceed to spend the next 40, Hey, lock a bathroom door from the outside. I then So, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait yeah. So he's like, oh, shit, okay, now I've got a... I then proceed to spend the next 45 minutes or so cleaning up my mess using whatever supplies I could find in the bathroom. Wow. After finishing, oh man, that's a big one. After finishing, I did a pretty good job. All things considered, I returned to the couch, she asked if I'm okay and I say yes without elaborating.

I expected her to kick me out or at least go check the bathroom to make sure I hadn't left it in a wreck, but I must have found the girl and planned have found like she's concerned about cleanliness now after it's fucking maggot cat food I must have found the only girl on the planet that was more desperate than I was to get laid that night because our another minute of awkward Conversation we were making out. Oh my god making out quickly turned into her on her knees in front of me giving me a blowjob Did you brush your teeth? At least? She can't taste it or smell it?

Making out, turning her giving me a blowjob, she was giving surprisingly good head, and I tried to will myself to come quickly so I could get out of there. What a tremendous life. But she starts getting undressed and asks if I want to fuck. And I'm in too deep to decline. It's at this point, she drops the final unpleasant surprise of the evening on me. I'm on my period, is that okay? It was not okay.

I still fucked her, I made no offer to help get her off after I finished. I left her apartment, I listened to the moon and Antarctica by modest mouse on the way home. I fought back tears of disgust with myself as I acknowledged or maybe hoped that this would be my rock bottom No, not even close in that regard at least I was correct several years down the road now married I've moved halfway across the country. I've engaged the love of my life in spite of all the advice You've given on this show to the contrary. Well, it'll fuck up. Don't worry. You've got mm-hmm. You're not even close buddy That light it's not a it's not heaven. It's a train. It's a train. Yeah, and I've mostly outgrown my autism

So for every other lonely dickhead out there have hope just remember if you can't quite tell from the pictures if she's fat or not The answer is a hundred percent. Yes. She's fat even when you can't tell from the picture There you go. There you go. Okay, this has been Dick Show, Patreon, Icon, Slash, Dick Show, see you next Tuesday. Ringing endorsement for Burger King.

To you by the Dick Show. Fuck this. Jesus. 45 minutes. What were you doing in there? Nothing. Yeah, nothing. I was, I had an eyelash in my eye. Yeah. I thought I saw something doing in there? Nothing? Yeah, nothing. I was, uh... I had an eyelash in my eye.

Yeah. I thought I saw something cool in there. Yeah. Like a leprechaun or something. This is like crazy things you could say for being in the bathroom for 45 minutes. I was jacking off. Yeah.

I was doing some sit ups. Just nothing? Yeah, nothing. I was just thinking about stuff. I was thinking about work. What are you doing? Thinking about work? Leave me alone. Texting my mom.

Yeah, my mom, she got robbed. She almost got robbed. I was talking to her about it. Is she okay? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. We never got to that part. Yeah, we never got to that part. Oh, wait, that's not the right one. This is the right one. With all the extra time talking in front of it. Oh, so this guy was calling in after all? Well, you fucker.

Oh. You shouldn't have said I'm not calling in. Call in next week. What was he going to talk about? Something with a bank. Something with a bank. Yeah. Um. the bank. There's a Vito diet song from Kendall and I. Yeah, sure. He's losing weight. Good.

A little bit at a time. Good. I'm tracking his progress. Yeah, like a hawk. Yeah, like a wilderness Yeah, a tracker right an app that I have got it on the scale. Yeah Kind of high veto diet I eat the IV it oh Diet the it oh Diet the it oh Diet the it oh D-I-T-O-D-I-E-T D-I-T-O-D-I-E-T V-I-T-O-D-I-E-T

No more birthday cake for me? I guess you could call me Milton I believe you have my stapler? Don't need it I'm just loosing all this weight-be-old fashion We don't want my fans to have to say Beatles funny, but I just wish that he wasn't so fat and gay So I cut out McDonald's

Three days drinking, no water And then I hopped in the sauna Melted away like Madonna's. Fuck up face, I missed the taste of giant plates filled with calories. Panda Express is healthy though. FOUR DA BEEF AND BROCCERY! Now I'm making homemade meals. See, I just turned on my oven. Down to six sodas a day. It used to be a dozen, I'm still attracted to chicks, yeah. As in chicken nuggets, but I gave them up and now I get the kind to give me lovin'.

Lookin' good, Vito! Thank you kindly Major Weiya now, I'm craving your big cock inside me Sure, but you'll have to wait your turn, pretty lady Ever since I lost this weight, my DM's a bit goin' crazy Because I skipped a few dinners, GameStopGirl wants me in her And Fenboyz love that I'm leaner, They want to suck on my wiener I have my pick of the litter, Furries crave my new body One of them built me a suit

I guess I could use a new hobby, all these great opportunities Dick finally got through to me, best weight loss in the universe Shit, now Maddox is suing me Liquid ate my trash for cash, I'll be needing a lot Hey, which one of you dumb fucks wants a mystery box? It's the V-I-T-O-G-I-E-T Fat shaming saved me from diabetes I'm a lean, mean, YouTube-ing machine.

If you could freaky Friday anyone, it's me who you'd be. Quitting cake wasn't a cakewalk. Used to say I'd never take walks. Now I'm skinnier than K-pop. Picking girls up at the GameStop. They're sucking on my great cock. Yeah, I'm looking sexy. Your girlfriend and her bestie are sexed in me about their breasts.

We were gonna screw. But dude, your girl's too hefty. 132? No. I'm calling her bestie are sexed and me about their breasts we were gonna screw but dude your girl's too hefty 132? no im calling her bestie what the fuck are they feeding you? somewhat salad? well im the man now you damn cows are making me flassid

picture this im mad max with my foot on the pedal smashing through pet stores, dogs, shelters and kennels or will weatons tied up on train tracks and im percy point is im plowing through these bitches no mercy Abraca, Dabra, it's magic, I quit those bad eating habits I'm looking gorgeous, fantastic, like AI tortoises, rabbits and the like My life's nice now, no longer a fatty I may actually outlive my little pittie kitties meow meow

If I did it guys, you can do it too Three days, no water, except a host or flush and poo Out your butt, that's what you'll need to gain this physique Keep your super chat cash, don't need to weigh me this week It's the V-I-D-O-D-I-E-T-V-I-T-O-D-I-E-T-O He always, he always fucking brings it He does, it's a good one It's always so clever

All these fucking little polls from like a long time ago, really? What do you mean? All these posts get fucking deleted. They post... These women are posting... Somebody sent in this face paint wig for Vito. Oh. An afro.

I wonder what the face paint color is. Oh no. Well, he's not gonna... See this. I should have put this on the mother's milk box. This thing. Yeah. This little piece of tape.

Oh yeah. Oh, those are so annoying. Fuck, I fucked it up. So annoying. I think that would have been kind of cheating though, because anyone would have had no choice. You would have definitely smashed it. Yeah, that would have been.

Fuck this fucking thing. Yeah, that shit is those little round pieces of tape that seal the little, you know, they go right over the little tab you're supposed to pull it. Yeah, they're so fucking strong. You usually have to slit it with like a knife or something. Yeah, see, then I would have done this.

Yeah, he would have smashed it. He would have smashed it. Yep. But I don't know, that feels unfair. Well. A little bit, a little too directed. Yeah. For my tastes. Yeah. The intent was to open it.

So the intent should register as, you know, for talking thematically. Cool. Okay. What do we got here? Voice Mills. Yeah. The, sure. You know what makes me a rage? Uh, when you, you buy a house for a million dollars and then, and then you just dump your wife cause she made more money than you.

And so you kind of scam it all and you think you're on top of the world. And then there's these little things like a fucking toilet paper roll. I won't stay on the wall. Everything's just screwed in loosely by Mexicans into the fucking drywall. You know what I mean? Everything's falling apart over here. God damn it. And towel racks. Who the fuck kicked the towel gingerly off a rack? You yank it. Let's go right off the fucking wall his his figurative house and his literal house are falling apart right Andrew from right That was happening to me for a while, and then I learned recently that I don't have drywall It's like

Veloce olium or some kind of other weird material. It's just basically a bunch of plaster Well, yeah, yeah drywall is a newer what when was it, was this house built in the 50s? Yeah. Yeah. That's, I can never find a stud. Is it just kind of like deeps erratically? Yeah. And that's why. Yeah.

And so I have no, all my talorax are falling off because I like the anchors don't work. Yeah. It's really shitty. If I have to hear someone else explain the trans women in sports thing, I'm going to cut my dick off. Don't do it. They do it out of nowhere. I was kind of listening to a thing about fucking hot dogs and suddenly you're talking about the trans kid.

People have explained their way right into a losing argument. Because guess what, buddy? I'm off the reservation now. Trans women everywhere, in the locker room, in the prisons, in my house. In the bathroom, in the toilet. I want a trans woman in every women's toilet. Oh, someone might be mentally incoherent. I know. I'll use dialogue to fix it.

Great. Nope. Somebody's blind. I'll write him a letter. Trans women across America. Full trans women are also skinnier than, uh, crappy women. I call it trans, not cis women. I call them crappy women. Oh God. Yes. Ah, My girlfriend found the lift thing. She does work for the show.

Here, yes! Here is the ultimate fat watch. Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Now I can have a good show. This is what was posted. Oh, Shawnee, look at this. This is, her name is, uh, Puffaeth.

Yeah. So they do have a, uh, PH-A-I- There is a picture to answer my question. There is a, Somebody asked Google, uh, somebody asked Google Gemini, to, uh, to spell, uh, to give you a name for your daughter. And Google Gemini turned back in, oh, how about Papheth?

Yeah, Phaeth with a PH. Destiny spelled with two E's. Yeah. Or Jasmine spelled with a Z and a Y. Yeah, right. Google, give me some good white names for my daughter. Oh, yes, certainly. Classy with six Ys.

Lowercase P too. Lowercase P, that's for Christ. You only use capitals for God. God, that's how you do it. My lift, here's what she says. My lift, she tweeted this thinking, I gotta get the word out about this guy. My lift driver pissed me off so bad last night

because what the fuck do you mean? And her Lyft driver is, well, first of all, he's driving a sedan. So- Well, so it looks like she- She's redacted his name. And her question to the driver, and once you get hooked up with the driver,

you can text them, them right through the app. She says, hi, do six people fit in your vehicle? Yeah. Okay. So it's not a cargo van. It's obviously a sedan. Yeah. You can see it. Yeah.

The answer is no. But he says it was midgets that you squished in the trunk. Wouldn't that car, I can't really see exactly what it, but wouldn't it be two, wouldn't it be two in the front and three in the back? Yeah. And he says, yes, six normal people. I don't know why he'd say yes anyway, because it's not a six, yeah, right, right, yes.

He says, yes, six normal people, and then here's the kicker. Right. Big smiley face. Yes, I was and then here's the kicker. Right. Big smiley face. Yes. That's, I was gonna say, that's the kicker. Yes. Yeah.

Six normal people. Ah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's funny. Um, and then ask Liffs as we're so sorry to hear what happened to you. Please send us a DM so we can investigate further. Take a break from, next time you take an eating break,

send us a DM'ing y'all now. Man, I don't like this world. I don't like this world where big fat faiths spelled with a pH can get instant customer service. DM'ing y'all now. It's not what it's for, It's not what it's all about. So he's trying to get him fired. So he's trying to get this poor Indian

who's driving a bunch of loud mouth fat women around. Trying to get him fired. Hmm. Ah. Okay. Let's see here. Ah, Dick, the section on what to do when you stink really hit home for me and Reminds me of a particularly shameful story which I am compelled to share on the internet because I'm a whore

23 year old me Living with my parents. I'm about to head out go hang out with some friends You know got my hair did get some nice clothes on. I'm just ready to head out the door when my old man pulls and he says, Hey, come here, help me with the groceries. Take a man. They'll take a second. I say, okay, yes, fine. Grab this bag. And the odor coming out of this bag is the unmistakable smell of rotting fish. Now I, my parents are village people from Ukraine and I mean village people. They have an inexplicable need to buy expired and rotting food. I don't know why, but this is just a lot of

people. I'm like, get the thing to fuck away from me. I'm holding it for 15 seconds. Fermented things. I'm heading out that door and as I'm driving over to my buddy's place, I have the very distinct, like, it's stuck in my nose. Why can I still smell this? Yeah. Horrific. That's weird how that happens.

I get to my buddy's place. I open the door and the first thing they look at me, oh, shit, what smells like rotting fish? And I realized in the 15 seconds that i held that bag that rotting in his clothes and trout smell had baked into all of my clothing and i was done walking rotten fish yeah i said i'm back home i fucking leave i get out of there i'm going home i am I am showering. I am changing. I had home. My parents are in the process of cooking this rotten fish. The whole house smells

like rotten fucking trout. And I start freaking out because now I can't get out of this house. I burned my clothes. I can't go anywhere. I am staying the fuck home. I went down into the basement, started drinking heavily for the entire night, did not go anywhere. And that pattern of behavior, just drinking pretty much lasted for another seven or eight years. Oh, 20s. Yeah, that's an ugly, got married, little girl I knew for three days, which I can call in to talk about that too, if that's interesting. All right, hey, go fucking yourself.

That doesn't sound interesting unless it went bad in some way, a unique way, other than just having to intolerate a woman. Yeah, it is fucking weird how smells just stay with you like that, but yeah, fucking fermented or rotten shit. It always comes from countries, you know, that have gone through hard times So and these things they grow up like that or they become at some point a delicacy when it was invented out of necessity

Yeah, it was like we're either gonna starve or we're gonna eat this fucking fish That's been sitting under a rock on the beach for six weeks. Oh it fermented and it didn't kill me it actually just Yeah, right now. It actually just, yeah. Delicious. Right. Now we're, yeah. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Hey, Dick. Hey, Sean. I'm going to try and keep this as quick as possible. I need some advice. I never had a girlfriend before.

A v-card is still intact fucking. I've already set me up this chick But we live four and a half hours away. I Literally have fucking no idea how to talk to bitches like We've been talking for like a month now I went to visit it here Went pretty well, I think But now like We're just texting again because I live four and a half hours away waste of time I don't seem like Losing interest. I don't know I can't fucking tell though. Maybe I'm just getting in my head. I

Know how do you you talk to bitches is the question pretty retarded. You know, this is retarded voice. This one's all you. You're, I have no opinion. Four hours. That's a little bit too, you could find. See, it's too much pressure for you. Because if you're talking to a girl that's four hours away, you got to perform well every day for a long time.

You can't have an off night. You can't have an off night. You're playing on a baseball schedule, but you have to play with like football expectations. Right. You got to win. I got to win every day. You're playing 160 games. Baseball, you show up. I gotta win every, you're playing 160 games,

baseball, you show up, we lost, that doesn't matter, right? Yeah, yeah. Average, it'll average out. That's like a relationship. Like, ah, today, whatever, it sucked. I didn't put in my A game today. I didn't shave today. I actually didn't even wanna see you today.

I'm just here, you know, out of compulsion. I don't know why. That's a relationship. You're playing, you know, fucked up's a relationship. You're playing in a fucked up state of relationship. You gotta keep her interested in something that's not in front of her. You have to meet unreasonable goals or really kind of impossible.

So you're setting yourself up for failure, young man. You need to date locally. Unless you're rich and you don't sound rich. Right. Unless you got bitches all over the place, talk to them, flying them in. He clearly does not. He said that. So you gotta go local, buy local.

Yep. And then, well. Pick them up at the farmer's market. You gotta actually literally go to the farmer's market. Probably being sold. Just walk up. Walk up and now it's not what's your dad like. It's like, oh, so what kind of SSRI medicine is he on? And if the answer's none, then great.

Then you're good. Yeah, try some outdoorsy stuff. Bitches love the outdoor stuff. Look for girls who are trying to heal their trauma with mushrooms and not SSRIs. I find that they self-categorize in these ways. They'll probably be more open to stuff. Yeah.

Could be. Yeah. Especially ones who are more induced towards boredom. That's a good thing to go after. They're always on their phones, Instagram stuff. That's very difficult to overcome. I don't think you could do it. Not nothing against you, I just don't think you have.

It's not a thing to be proud of to be able to keep women entertained. It's a useless skill, in fact. So you don't, I mean, I'm not saying that you should, it will help you, but I'm not saying to develop it because it's so worthless. And you will hate, I have it. I'll keep that bitch entertained forever.

I could keep a girl off her phone for an hour straight. And I could say it. I'm gonna be so entertaining that you will not be on your phone for a fucking hour. And they'll sit there fucking shocked. I can't believe it an hour has passed. I didn't want to look at my phone once. And I say, you think that makes me feel good about myself?

It doesn't. I hate myself. I hate it. I hate this. It's wasted effort. To be this good, it hurts. At this, it's something that I hate. To be this good at something that I hate,

I'm the world's best pedophile. That's what you're telling me. I don't want that. That quote's not gonna end up somewhere. So I'm not telling you to develop these skills. I'm telling you to how to find women in your range. Yeah. It's like, yeah.

It's like, Watch out for those SSRIs. It's like in Ray when he, you know, stumbles upon other guys like doing heroin, right? And he's like, well, you know, what's that? And they're like, no, you don't want, you don't want, no, I think I do want some of that. he's like, well, you know, what's that? And they're like, no, you don't want, you don't want. No, I think I do want some of that.

I told you, no, it goes down a bad road. And if your buddies are, if the only girls your buddies have to set you up with is four hours away, you got to get some new buddies. You got to get one or two new buddies that are, they themselves have, you know, you're a young guy. You know, you got one guy, I always know is where all the girls are at, probably cocaine dealer. You got to make friends, start doing,

don't do the coke, find a dealer and be friends with them. Right. No, you do have, there's, that opens up different avenues. Don't get sucked down there. Get something, get a friend who's gay, musician, something. Yes. One of these things. You gotta have, you know, it's like the A team. Nobody likes face, but they need them.

Right. Or else they can't do anything. Right. Right. He's the slick, yeah. I think be a little more aloof. Don't text back right away. Right? And eventually you'll get so good at being aloof that you won't even actually care about them anymore. You won't be able to keep, go shit, ain't it right?

Whoops. I mean, I meant to write back today, but I didn't. Yeah, I was doing other stuff. I was just playing with the dog or whatever. Yeah, all right. That's crazy. The important stuff, the things that keep you grounded. Tell me when you get home.

I'm sure it'll be the same. It will still have happened, right? Right, right. Right. All right. Good luck to you get home. I'm sure it'll be the same. We'll still have happened, right? Right, right? Right. All right. Good luck to you young men. Mm-hmm Okay, something about a fat chick and a dildo Hey, hey Sean. Hey, um, I don't know about this fat fat would Probably go up to you guys out. I was on porn hub looking at shit and I saw out of the corner of my eye um, she taking

The biggest dildo ever and it was a fat shit just just know that some fat chicks walk around Are sticking like logs in their putty Somehow because there's so much back it's able to Sit in there. I guess it makes no sense Okay, I said maybe it makes no sense. Okay. Well, it's maybe. So out of the thought that guy had. All right, well, yeah.

I think the Fat's a hindrance like Joey Chestnut, you know? Yeah. The hot dog eating, Nathan's hot dog eating champ. Yeah. You'd think he'd be a big fat guy, but he's actually a skinny guy. So Fat's taking a huge deal of the probably harder.

Was it Kobayashi or like a little Japanese guy, right? For a skinny guy. So fat chicks taking a huge deal. Well, remember it wasn't like, was it Kobayashi or like, you know, little Japanese guy, right? For a long time. Yeah. Skinny chicks can probably take a way bigger deal though. The fatness. Maybe so. Yeah. That's what I, I mean, that's what I would think. But thanks for the call. Let's see here.

Okay. Well, this will be enough. Hey, dick Beach hook what makes me a rage is when like girlfriend Get shit on in a really funny way and when telling me about it. She expects me not to laugh Yeah Being caddy and some dude told her, you know like the meme like oh if you're I went to the ghetto Or I went to the hood and nobody knew who you were about like rappers. Somebody said, uh, went to the hood and everyone thought you were hot. Fucking laughed my ass off, but she got pissed.

Why? Why is that funny? She got pissed. Why? Cause I don't know. Is something about like what people from the hood find hot or something? Like maybe that's why I sort of missed it. What would that piss her off? Yeah. She's racist. Yeah.

Well, okay. One more. You sure? Yeah. Hey, Dick. Hey, Sean. This is a scarf from Cincinnati. What up?

What really makes me a ridge is this fucking attitude that people get when you say something that's like wild. Like, I'm guilty of it, but they say, oh, I lost my appetite. Okay. I guess what you really mean to say is you said something that reminded me that bad things happened and now I want to kill myself because I'm not going to eat. I don't want to eat anymore. I don't want to eat anymore I don't want to sustain my life. I think they mean temporarily

What are you saying yourself I Lost my And scar that people losing their appetites about what's like that's that's a movie line too. Yeah, you know, I'm fighting check Please yeah, no, I like I'm not hungry. I'll have what she's having. Yeah. You know, I'm like, check please. Yeah. No, like I'm not hungry. I'll have what she's having. Yeah. I don't think they mean, you know, permanently kill myself. I don't mean that. Just like, they mean a hundred percent, a hundred percent free content. 100%.

This fucking clown, this guy, Matt Barb, yeah. And then his pals were calling Vito a pedophile. Oh, really? But then it turned out that they hired a child molester as an artist. So you said, yeah. Just make a little, you know, ribbing. Yeah. I don't care. Yeah. I don't really care. How did it come out that, yeah.

So then they decided to make a logo for their comics saying we're a hundred percent pedophile, a hundred percent. Now that we, now that we fleshed out, you know One of the other though God yeah, but I'm saying like It actually it's worse that they fired him because people if they don't have money They're more likely to reoffend so it's actually by firing him They made him probably more hired the chance of most of kids. You know, maybe that's what the stats say

Maybe so you don't shoot maybe. That's what the stats say. Maybe so. I mean, don't shoot me for knowing the stats. Yeah, I mean, I just know that like, offending pedophiles like the, what, recidivism rate? Is that what it is? Recidivism, yes. It's like enormous, right? It's the lowest.

What do you mean? Sexual violence crimes is the lowest recidivism rate of all crimes. I mean, but like offending pedophiles, don't they? I thought that- No, sex crimes recidivism is the lowest of all the crimes. Really? That shocked me too.

Really? Yes. So you would think that because the sex offender registry exists, right? Well, yeah, yeah. So like, yeah, we really gotta watch out for, but it is, I mean, I'm not like, any reoffending of rape is worse than reoffending of like,

like stealing shit. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's the sexual, yeah crimes. I mean, but they are different though. I mean, like, much worse. Yeah, but I mean, Yeah, I don't know. This is a mump for them is way worse than the other crime.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd always heard that. I was always heard that with pedophiles, but yeah, I haven't can't say I can't say anything that I've like that. Well, I've seen, I don't know that I've ever seen like official stats on that kind of stuff. So you also kind of want it to be viewable at a glance. Like if you just glance at a logo, well, that's the point of pedo. It's called design. 100% pedo. Whoa. Right. 100% pedo content. What if I only picked up the first two words love Trump's hate That was a terrible slogan because people only pick up the retention drops to like oh, yeah, yeah exponentially

So it's love. Mm-hmm. Okay. Love right positive love and then it cuts in half Trump like love Trump, right? Okay, there you go. I do love Trump way It's way back in the back of your mind there, yeah. Love Trump's, oh, I forgot, I hate. I'm distracted. Yeah, I don't know. Love Trump's, do you love Trump's hate? I don't know. Do I love Trump's hate?

I love Trump. That's what I'm getting out of it. Is there an apostrophe? Yeah, right? Yeah, this is 100%, okay, 100%. Yeah, great, 100% pedo. Oh, I'm not even, I don't wanna read what's, that's enough. Right, that's where I stop. Yeah. Oh I'm not even I don't want to read what's that's enough right. That's where I stop that's where I get off So then this fucking clown because I was teasing him a little bit

Cuz he attacked me I don't know what you're done. By saying I work with a pedophile. Come on, I can't let that go. No. That's a huge claim. So then, because I was teasing him a little bit out of defense, I'm a counterpuncher. Then he's trying to say that Mint Salad is making incest porn to try to get her kicked off of OnlyFans.

It's really fucked, because that's not allowed on OnlyFans. He's like, Mint Salad's doing incest. She's not doing, she's really fucks, because that's not allowed on only fans. So he's like, Minstile is doing an incest. She's not doing, she's not related to Riley and they're not doing any kind of, any kind of incest anything. Yeah. They're dressing up in cosplay and having sex. He's talking about like, like fantasy incest stuff. Yeah.

Which is not allowed. Right. And they're not doing it. You can't do that on only fans. No. Got it. Or rape. Yeah. It So he's like that on only fans. No got it or rape Yeah, it's a big no-no. Okay, so he's making it up to try to fuck to try to get her kicked off only games really Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

We didn't hire the but I didn't hire the pedophile what you set up with me for right? I don't even care that you have to divert, you know hiring back. I don't give a shit right does a comic look cool to divert, you know? Hiring back, I don't give a shit. Right. Does the comic look cool? That's all we really want. I can't look at it. Right.

Oh, that's cool. Pedophile made it. Well. Yeah. Oh no, I have to hate it. I better kill myself because I fucking thought it was cool looking. Yeah, I've never kind of understood that. It's like, whatever like Kevin Spacey is,

like he is a great actor. Yeah. Like he's, you know what I mean? Like I can watch. I don't give a shit what he did. That's, how about that? Separate the person from the, you know, the art from the artist, so to speak. I've never really had that much of a problem with that.

No, that's a new thing. That's like a new, the same people cramming these, Google, Gemini, whatever it is, are also cramming in this idea that, well, we can't have Columbus Day because you did a bunch of bad stuff. Yeah, no, we don't care about that, actually. All of America's just like,

what have you done for me today? Yeah, well. Forward, what are we doing forward? We don't give a shit about history. That's it. We don't give a shit. Stop trying to make us. All right, goodbye, everyone.

Yeah, see ya, thank you.