The Dick Show - Episode 4 – Dick on Wrestling

Episode Date: June 28, 2016

Download MP3 You can’t spell implying without lying. Erstwhile on Dick, I address a number of beefs and speculations floating around the internet in the only way I know how: by encouraging more! If you’d like to throw some gas on the fire, send your theories on why the Biggest Problem in the Universe ended … Continue reading "Episode 4 – Dick on Wrestling" The post Episode 4 – Dick on Wrestling appeared first on The Dick Show.

Welcome to the Dix show! The show where everything is a contest! You want some dick in your ear? You've got it. Because you're listening to the dick show. With me is always a Sean, audio engineer. Hello, dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? Today, very special guest, an expert on wrestling,

Wrestlemania-ack. Joey Clifft. What, what? Host of You Should Love Wrestling. Starring Joey Clifft. Yeah, you should love wrestling. It's a podcast on boardwalk audio, you can see on iTunes. Basically, I love wrestling,

and my friend Nick Liger loves wrestling. And the point of the podcast is that we try to convince our friends, Steven Pearlstein, who hates wrestling while wrestling is great. We have a lot of comedians on the show as guests. We have wrestlers on the show as guests. You should listen to it, it's good. You try to convince your friend to be into wrestling.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You're like a wrestling fanatic. Yeah, we love wrestling. We're in a sketch group together. And in meetings, the two of us will talk about how much we love wrestling during any sort of break in the conversation. In shots. And then we were finally like, oh, we should just turn this new podcast. Because like, Stephen will go to the bathroom and then he'll come back and we're talking about

like Roman Reigns or whatever. And then like, he'll be like, like fuck you guys are talking about this a lot So it's really acceptable now for grown men Oh, yeah, whatever reason to be way Yeah, I feel like it's it's cool like wrestling is cool now. It's like wrestling. I mean it's not get silly But it's like it's like it's more socially acceptable I feel like a couple years ago. It's like, weirdos and nerds really loved it. And now it's like, I have friends that I would consider

to be like, normal, solid human beings with like, very interests who also have wrestling parties every week for NXT or whatever. Okay, we'll get to that. Because this show, this show, I don't know if you're aware of this, this show is looking for the next best co-host. So you're gonna be on here and as an interview, I'm gonna interview you some potential co-host. So you're gonna be on here as an interview,

I'm gonna interview you some potential co-host questions, and then they're all, yes, no, correct, not correct answer. Okay, got it. Yeah, they're all, I mean, this is just like an open-ended talk about bullshit podcast. This is very serious. Okay. Then we're gonna throw it to the fans,

and they're gonna vote to see whether or not you are a big enough rage to go host the show. Oh, it's so much pressure. Wait, am I doing okay so far? They voted you out? No, they don't vote until everything goes up in one shot. So you load up your gun with whatever you got and be prepared to unload both barrels.

This is a whole, this is a dynasty that you would inherit being the co-host of this podcast. Sean, is that right? Is that accurate? Sure. Yeah, sure. Okay, this is what. I wasn't paying attention. Thank you. I got it. I'll do my best. Comments from last week, Christopher Varting, best episode so far. Mark David Christensen was great. He's your competition by the way. He's a good dude. He deserves this. He does deserve it.

Dick, is there any chance of you reviving real erotic stories from real men in the Dix show? Probably the funniest bit of all time. Absolutely. I'll bring one in next week. Justin Carroll, the best movie to watch. We talked about what movies would be the best to watch. To hook up with the girl.

The best movie to watch with a woman to get laid is Steel Magnolias. It's a terrible movie, but it'll be worth it. For those of you who don't know what it's about, it's a movie about a dude that remarries after his wife dies. I don't know if that's true or not, Steel Magnolias. Bob Roland waking up to a dick in your ear in the morning is great unless you're in prison or something. Sam Steer, hi, Mark was a rage, but I feel like his voice doesn't really match his face.

He sounds like a young guy in his late teens, but he looks like an older guy in his mid to late 30s. It's kind of amusing. So I guess it looks into this contest. Yeah, Chris and he's a 50 year old man. Everybody should know that. Yeah. Yeah.

But was he a rage? And the answer is yes. that. Yeah, yeah. But was he a rage? And the answer is yes. Nice. Yeah, so he's in the running. Wow. He's not as much of a rage as Mr. Velvet, a guy we had in a couple of weeks ago, but he's up there.

How do I like to do was he a rage? She was not a rage. No. Well, I think she'd be happy with that though. Yeah, I think she's fine with that. Did you like bad mouth dogs? I feel like that would like really make her a rich. I was very positive about dogs.

Okay. Yeah. They're man's best friend. I love dogs. Some, some certain co-hosts don't love dogs. Well, you use them for your own nefarious purposes. We all do. Everybody uses a dog for something,

whether it's companionship, picking a bride. Everybody uses dogs for something. Everybody uses everybody for something. Everybody uses everybody for something. That's the lesson there. Every, everything you got, everyone you got around, you're using for somebody. Okay.

You know what I didn't say about Mark David Christians in the last time I was here, is he's the one that got me on the I Hate Neal de Grass Tyson bandwagon. I can see that. Neal de Grass Tyson, he's like the vice-sefeger. He's very much like, he thinks he's cool. He's a fucking asshole. Yeah, he's such a smug prick, man. Like he goes around, he shits on

all of our, all of the customs that make us human. Like if you celebrate the Friday the 13th, if you want to celebrate that at all, because it's like fun. Like it's fun to be a little bit superstitious. Because it's fun, like he just shits on you. He's like the ultimate cynic online. And he's not doing it for anybody's benefit. Like he's not going after, he's not going after big targets. Like here's what's wrong with religion. Here's what's wrong with Islam.

He's going after like people who just like to have a little bit of fun. Well, yeah, it's like the guy who designed the stars for the movie Titanic. He's just like, well, actually, if you look into 1914 star patterns, it's this. And he's commonly wrong. He went on, whenever he strays outside of astrophysics, he doesn't know shit. He was talking, he had a tweet about sex. He wanted to make some point about sex, God knows why. And he says, if sex didn't feel great for all mammals,

then they would be extinct. And I don't know what point he's trying to make them, but immediately, biologists after biology, because actually, you know, cats, dicks have barbs on them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, ducks have like corkscrew dicks, and a lot of vagina is also a reverse corkscrew. And like, that can't be pleasant.

That's not pleasant at all. Yeah, yeah. Like, what are you talking about? He's a total dick. Then, so Leapier comes around, and he says, Leap year is misnamed. It's just our calendar catching up with our arbitrary system. Like there's nothing like, so some, some, what point is that to making? Like what am I supposed to feel about this?

Like a guy who smart says, I'm dumb for like thinking it's fun. It's like, oh, you really got the guy who invented leap year is like however like, like, zing. So then some lingu's like, oh, you really got the guy who invented leap years, like however long ago, like, like, zing. So then some linguist goes, yeah, if only we had some way to describe a sudden lurch forward. Yeah. It's like leap year jackass. Yeah, yeah.

Go back to the lab, go back to being on fucking TV, hire a social media company, and curate your Twitter, because you can't do it. Well, yeah, like, I feel like he's somebody that just like he likes to show about his smartness. It's just like, hey, look everybody, leap years are misnamed, right? You know, and he's a horrible example. That's why I hate him so much because he's a horrible example for like what to do if you accrue intelligence. If you spend so much time amassing intelligence, you don't please God, don't use it to just strike down the week.

Like, that's why we read books, right? It's just to strike down like, like, like, lesser people. That's, I mean, that's what he's, that's the, that's the, that's the example he's saying. It's like that. It's like that. It's like that. It's like that. I went to college, is so that I could tell other people they're wrong.

Okay. Okay, Internet, come at me on that one. Yeah, the reason I learned how to play a guitar is so I could find couples that are like, that are like, that are on, that are talking for the first time and like about to hook up and then just go ruin it. Yeah. Like go over there and send, look awesome and it's like this guy, but he doesn't know how to do it. Just go lessen everyone's value. Yeah, that's why everybody learns how to do anything.

It's just so they can like, it's so they can look better than somebody else. He's like the, he's like a science jock. Yeah, no, that's 100% right. That's like a great way to explain it. Like just showing off all the time only to make you look stupid. We're never helping. We are like instead of like kissing his biceps, he just like goes on Twitter and he's just like,

oh, wrong again, James Cameron. That's an asshole. Anyway, the first thing you said when you went on Jon Stewart one time was your globe is spinning the wrong way. Yeah. In the intro. I really hope I didn't see this episode. You want to show your plug, your fucking book, please?

Maybe it's shot from a satellite, you dickhead. Whatever, whatever, whatever. Was that followed by him just knocking the globe over like a bully? Like you're saying? I don't know. Yeah, it was like getting kicked the wrong way. It was a graphic. Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Oh, got it it was like getting kicked in the wrong way. It was a graphic, whatever.

Oh, got it. All right, all right, all right. Can we get to some, let's get to some serious business here. I gotta do, I gotta go over some, a bit of hot goss, the first while on Dick and the Dickaverse here on the show. I like to start out the show going over what's transpired since last week.

Okay, got it. So as you might know, I was a co-host of a big comedy podcast that kind of blew up spectacularly. Yeah. And I thought we could just put it to bed, right? Like you say, there were some issues, there were artistic differences,

and we spoke artistic differences, just so everybody knows, is when two people can't get along anymore. Cause they both think each other is a prick. Right, I mean, basically, that's why marriage is in, that's why bands split up. It's not because, you know, it's not because of any specific disagreement.

It's just that you can't agree on anything anymore, right? So that's what I thought would be the end of it. But then, then we've got my former co-host, Maddox, pulls a delete everything. What? Deletes the website, repoints the feed, like the iTunes feed that is basically controls the subscribers you have, right? Like if you have the feed, you put it on iTunes, everybody subscribes to the feed, they now have that in their phone, whatever that feed goes to is what's on their phone.

Whatever podcast that will be downloaded and go their phone, right? Yeah, so Maddox repaints it to his new show. And I say, hey, I got a problem with this for a number of reasons, right? Because I don't think you do that to people. I think it's unethical from a creative standpoint. And my ethics are fuzzy at best,

but so when I see one that I know is wrong, I know that's wrong. So I pop over an email saying, hey, what's the deal with this? What can we leave it up as an archive? Like people listen on their phones to this feed. People relied on this feed to go on their phone and listen to it, and they want to listen to old stuff. Like what's the deal?

These people supported the show, they supported Harry's. Can we just give them that? Like, you're a huge, successful internet brand. Do you really need to swipe these subscribers? Like, you got tons of fans. You just put up a new thing, let people decide. No response on that. However, when I sent that email,

next thing I know, site goes down. Well, like his site. This is our podcast. Oh, got it. Gone, right? Gone, pointed to a new server. Excuse me, not so pointed to a new server that I have no access over, right? Yeah.

So I also noticed I'm blocked on Twitter. Wow. Yeah, have you ever been as a man? Have you ever been blocked by another grown man on Twitter? I don't think I ever have. Never thought it would happen to me because I don't care what people are saying on Twitter. Like I thought when you block someone,

it was because you didn't wanna see them anymore. But I don't read anybody on Twitter. Like I go to, I'm following Trump, that's about it. Yeah. I got, if I didn't wanna see, I gotta type everybody in manually to keep up the joke of me only following one guy on Twitter. So if I gotta see someone's tweets,

I have to type in their fucking names. Like why do you block someone? You just remove them off your list and you don't see anything anymore. That's definitely a move that you make that that other person's gonna see. Like you do that, you do that because it's gonna piss them off. Right, I thought so too, but then I'm like,

he knows I wouldn't get pissed off by this because I don't care. I don't care if you block me on Twitter or Facebook, but what the hell do I care? So I was confused by it. Then people started sending me tweets. Huh, yeah. Then people started sending me the tweets.

And I'm gonna read, oh boy, I'm gonna read some of them here because I wanna talk about some of them. Max was claiming to take the high road. Here was the quote I got. Here was the quote that somebody posted in Reddit. This wasn't a tweet, but many tweets, there were some tweets I saw that looked basically like this. And here was the quote that I saw in Reddit for what's being said about me, because I found that the reason you block somebody on Twitter is so they can't see what you're saying. Yeah, that's what I think now. Here's the quote from Twitter.

The best thing I could do for Dick right now, and this is a, this is a legend. Somebody posted, and this is an email from Maddox, and this is what he said. The best thing I could do for Dick right now is to not say anything for his personal and professional reputation. People don't know what happened,

but there's a lot of reason that happened the way it did, and professional reputation. People don't know what happened, but there's a lot of reason that happened the way it did, and it could have a lot of fallout for other people involved. Personal and professional reputation. Now, when I read that, my first thought is,

what the hell could have a negative impact on my personal and professional reputation. That's a big implication. That's not crazy. Like if I heard that about somebody, I would think, boom. They did something terrible, right? And what do you know?

What do I start getting this week? Hey, dude, are you in rehab or something? What's going on in your life that is like, that you're being protected from? And I'm sitting here like a dickhead watching reruns of trailer park boys and reading reviews of people shitting on the new top gear, which is horrible.

Like it's like a recreation of a hugely successful show that you can never do. Yeah. The new top gear didn't have G-Hod Jeremy calling in. What? Yeah, but people are tearing into it, right? I'm getting, hey, I don't know what happened, but like, I hope you're okay. I hope you're, are you in rehab or like, well, this is, this is what this does.

It's so, it makes it so it's like there's an open-ended question and people are like, oh, what's wrong? To be fair, we are recording this in a rehab facility. Yeah. Okay. First of all, that's a very funny joke. I would never go to rehab, just so everyone, because I don't think it works. I think that rehab is a vacation spa for drug addicts to hang out with other drug addicts

and get sold drugs by the orderlies. Oh, got it. And especially now I'm talking, I'm talking the $6,000 a month ones, right? Where they're cuddled you and like try to make up for, you know, decades of poor treatment from life and 20 years of a bad childhood. I'm not talking about those.

I'm talking about everything else. Yeah. Like state-sponsored rehab, all these other rehab places, I would never go to rehab. I don't think they work. I don't think it's something to shoot for a rehab. But that's what people are drawing at at this. Like when you say, I'm being protected for professional and personal reasons, what the hell could that possibly be? Well, yeah. And it's like, regardless of what happened, it's not gonna be as bad as what people think happened. Right.

Which is what I thought artistic differences was. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like that's just like, yeah, you know, like we don't get along anymore. It's not, it's not that there's, it's not that things are being kept secret. It's just that, look, sorry, I didn't end it, but I kinda get it.

Like, I don't get it. I would never do something like that, but I remember being in this situation and like, it wasn't a big surprise. Like, it wasn't the first time that Maddox had threatened to shut the show down either. So, when I see people being encouraged to use their imaginations over what I have passed,

like, because then I'm sitting there racking my brain, like, what would be a personal, a personal, which means people I know, right? Like my friends. Is that what that means by personal reputation? Well, yeah, yeah, it's like friends and people that you're close to. Yeah, all of them know everybody fucking knows all of those people know every single step of what happened

because I can't keep my mouth shut. Yeah. Like that's just who I am. I run my mouth, I'm shooting, I'm blasting off in Sean's ear all day. Every time we did that podcast, like, oh, this pisses me off. This pissing me off. My, me running my mouth gets me in more trouble than anything else. Like I, I, I think that a lot of people hopefully identify with that too.

Like I just can't, I can't stop. I can't stop because I think that everybody would be better off if they just said what's bothering them. Like that's my opinion. Yeah, yeah. And I subscribe to it to a fault. So I'm like, what could be, what could be so personally damaging to me

that I need to be protected from it? Wait, are you willing to as a scoop tell us what it was on the podcast? No, because I gotta stretch this out over hundreds of hours. Oh, got it, got it. That's what I mean. But I thought it was over with artistic differences. Yeah.

You know, I just, I thought that was it. And then a fucking deleted McEden happens. The Delito band, Sean passed the Delito sash, the Miss Delito sash from you over to Maditch when he started striking entire websites. And I see shit like this, like implying, implying is tough to deal with. When you imply that someone's done something so horrific

that you can't talk about it. Couldn't even talk about it. Because it's a very short list. It is you sexually assaulted someone, which I did not, and never have to my knowledge, or that you're stealing money. Those are the two things that someone could not recover from personally or professional.

Okay, is there a chance that you maybe sexually assaulted money? I do that every night. You're fair enough, okay. Maybe that's it, I don't know. Maybe that is it. Yeah, yeah. Maybe that is it. Oh my God, that's what implying is to me.

Because if you say something, I didn't do that thing. Well, it's like zero to 100 as far as how severe the thing is. If you just say what it is and it's a 10, people are going to be fine with it. But if you imply, then it's like people are going to assume that it's anywhere from zero to 100. Yeah. And like, even if it's just like a little small thing, people are going to assume that it was like a 100 thing. You know, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, applying is engineering to be at 11 on that scale. You thought you can imagine it being on a one to 10,

but- And applying, it assumes that it's 11 is a good thing. Yeah, like what I'm trying to imagine, I've been racking my brain all week because I really want to know. And I want people to guess what it could possibly have you ever had anything in your life that has ruined, that could ruin you personally or professionally.

And you don't have to say what it is, obviously. It's a yes or no question. Like if it got out, like if it got out, that I cried during finding Dory, would that ruin I didn't, I didn't cry because it was full of kids freaking out. And that movie kind of pissed me off too. But I get to, like, what would the fallout be? We had the fallout would be like, oh, that's weird, and then people would sort of move on.

What would the fallout be? That's the question I'm posing this week. Have you, can you imagine? Can you imagine what would be so damaging? Personally, personally, and professionally, that it has to be kept under wraps. You should have people like tweet at you what their guesses are with like a hashtag or something.

That's a great idea. Like hashtag, question or something. You know what I'll do? I'll have a contest if everybody wants to send me their idea of what I could have possibly done that I need protecting from. I'll pick the best three and I'll give you T-shirt. Nice.

Right? That's my implying thing. Yeah, that's good, that's fun. Okay, let's get to an interview. You are an expert on wrestling. Yeah. Okay. Why should we love wrestling? Okay, so Kat, I could go on about this Yeah. Okay. Why should we love wrestling?

Okay, so, uh, Kat, I could go on about this for a while. Um, so I love professional wrestling because it's like, it's just, uh, it's a very great, very like American art form. Like it's something that like, I believe, uh, like was invented in like the early 1900s. It's right up there with jazz. No, this is, this is, that's the smartest thing about wrestling I've ever heard.

It's true. This is an American art form. It is because it's dramatic. Go ahead, go ahead. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's like it's American art form. It was met in like carnivals in like the early 1900s by I think George Hackensmith and Frank Gouch.

And it's very, it's very showy there. It's very like athletically impressive. There's just like insane ridiculous characters. So it's like, if you're a comedy person, you're gonna appreciate just the insane heightening of everybody, like there's a wrestler in the mid 90s whose gimmick was that his name was Irwin R. Shysder, IRS for sure, he was a wrestling tax man.

And like every April 15th, he would like cut a promo about like, don't make your taxes late, or else I'm gonna take money from you, or whatever. There's a wrestler named the repo man, whose gimmick was that he was a repo man. So he would like feud with wrestlers who were like overdue on their bills. Like there's so many like instant.

But that's a great character, because I imagine a lot of those people have experience being laid in their bills and the audience, not to slam the wrestling audience, but that's a very personal problem. Like that a lot of the guys. Huge rivalry with the deadbeat dad. Oh, yeah.

But there are, like, especially wrestling bad guys, they're catering to such a, like, I guess, a lowest common denominator. There's wrestlers where it's like, their gimmick is, I went to college, so I'm better than you. Yeah. And there's just something really fun about that that I appreciate. And also, it's like, what I like about it, especially as an adult male fan, is like there are multiple levels of reality to it.

So like, there's what you're seeing on screen, and that's kind of like the base level of it. And then like, if you're really into it, there's like the dirt sheet rumors of just like, okay, so the reason that this guy is no longer champion is because they like got new and argument with somebody backstage and his punishment, they're taking the title off of them

or whatever, or like, you know, like, or sometimes you can't even hear why someone you lost the title because it would be so damaging for them professionally and personally, they can't even say what happened. That's actually, as a wrestler name Kurt Angle, we like, like, which like that has been used for wrestlers before, where it's just like,

they did something so bad that they're out of the company now. Do they ever need to find out what it was? I mean, honestly, there's some stuff like, okay, so Macho Man Randy Savage, he was in big wrestling in the 80s. He was a rest and PC pastor way a couple years ago. He was fired from WWE in the early 90s and he was just like persona non grata in wrestling for really long time, or WWE for a long time time like he was never mentioned in w they would edit him out of highlight packages and he was a guy then the 80s was just like right up there with whole kogan as far as like most popular wrestlers of that era and like potentially of all time. Oh yeah, I was a macho man. Yeah, total. Over Hulk. Yeah,

I don't know why I think he's just more like crazy. He's more like out of control and there's more like a chaos factor to it. Yeah, even though you could never see his eyes, something about him drew me to his side versus Hulk. Like the Hulk and Savage misalysed with thing, I went with Macho Man. Oh yeah, totally. Yeah, like the misalysed with and Savage thing was amazing. Hulk seemed too into his brand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, where's Macho Man? Where's Macho Man was just a crazy dude. Yeah, but okay, so he was like persona non grata for like up until honestly like probably like 2010 2009 or something like that. And there were a lot of rumors. Nobody would say why he was just edited out of things and not mentioned on programming. And this room. This shit, this sounds really familiar. Yeah, like and the rumors started to spread

just among fans that he like took Vince McMahon, the owner of the WB's daughter, Stephanie McMahon's virginity when she was a teenager. And it's one of those things that's still kind of a rumor, like all these years later, like it's still like, it's like in podcast interviews whenever like, Stephanie McMahon or like Vince McMahon is interviewed and like, Macho Man comes up, it's always like, oh yeah, you should ask him if like Stephanie lost her virginity to Macho Man.

And that's just one of those things where it was probably, it was probably something dumb. It was probably the probably real reason is that he was sponsored by Slim Jim at the time and he went to a company called WCW from WWE and basically he took the Slim Jim sponsorship with him and because that was a big sponsored sip for WWE and that's probably what really happened. That makes more sense. big sponsored sip for WWE and like, like, that's probably

what really happened. But like, the internet for decades was like, oh, no, he slept with Stephanie McMahon when he was like a man in his 40s and she was 17 or whatever. Yeah, they, yeah, you encourage them to invent stories and they will not disappoint you. Yeah, and you will never escape it. Oh, yeah. You'll never escape it. It's still a popular rumor. Like, it's still a thing that like a lot of fans believe. Well, your answer was correct. It was the American, it was that American thing. So America has invented the banjo.

That is an entirely American invention. I didn't know that. Yeah, did you know that? No. I didn't know that, but I'd buy it. All American. They saw all these other instruments. Like, ah, this is European bullshit.

We're all you need is a banjo. And it's totally right. It's like America took, and Fourth of July is coming up. So I feel very patriotic. I sat down with my life coach last week and he came up with the, with a brilliant Fourth of July celebration

that we're going to buy a bunch of blanks, like blank bullets, and load up some pistols and blast them off during the fireworks. That's fun. That's what I, I thought that's way too fun to be legal. Right. There's no way that because of the league. It's really blanks because like you're not shooting slugs into the air. I'm just making noise.

Yeah. I've just got a noise making machine. Yeah. Like is this, can I not do that? On my own lawn? We're betting yes, but we don't want to look it up beforehand. Yeah, because how would you do that? Yeah, because like some, some deep part of me,

I still feel like I can claim ignorance of the law like by not knowing it. What's the best advice your life coach has ever given you? Well, that was the most recent one. Got it. Use load, load up some blanks and start blasting them off in the air. He was around when I went on Dr. Phil.

Nice. Yeah, he was number one with just, just do it. Just go for it. Sweet. It doesn't matter. I'm like, you know, it's Dr. Phil. It's 60 million people. It's international.

He's trying to sandbag. He was like, don't worry about it. Just do it. It's the worst that could happen. It will ruin to sandbag you. He's like, don't worry about it. Just do it. So worse, it could happen. It will ruin you personally and professionally. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. I'll just do it anyway.

But it is like America took drama and evolved it into wrestling. Oh, yeah. Because it predate movies. Okay. Because that's all the movie is, right? Like an action movie. I feel like it doesn't pre-date like cameras, like video cameras.

I feel like that was like late 1800s, like the blue mar brothers or something in France. They basically, they invented the camera in like 1890 in the 1890s, I think. And they would make like essentially like little emotion picture stuff, but like it wasn't like quick cuts, action movies with stories.

But you're talking about the modern wrestling, right? Yeah, well, the entertainment stuff. Yeah, modern wrestling. Professional wrestling is as sure as it existed since the early 1902 or something. Okay. And I feel like motion pictures with like layered storytelling probably didn't exist until 1910, 1920 or something.

It was definitely something that happened like a decade after the invention of the camera, whatever. So I'd say the professional wrestling is like a storytelling medium the invention of the camera or whatever. So I would say the professional wrestling is like a storytelling medium probably predates motion pictures as the storytelling medium that we know the mass today. Okay. If you were a wrestler, what would be your move? What would be your whole deal? Okay. What would be my move? I feel like my my move would be. Okay. So I'm not I'm not a very big man. I am five foot 10, I'm like 120 to 25 pounds.

So I feel like my move would be to pay a guy who's bigger than me, to beat up my opponent, and then I would pin him. The million dollar man. Yeah, I feel like I'd basically be the million dollar man. But like the amount of money that I have is not a million dollars. So it'd be like $20. And then after I, the person's pin, I would stand on them and then wave an American flag and then fireworks would shoot off.

And I would really just celebrate and relish that victory and I would high five the audience and just really like, money is what did this. Okay, here is the, here is a big question. Who is the best wrestler in the WWE Hall of Fame? Okay, I'm gonna say Sergeant Slotter. Sergeant Slotter, why is that? Why is incorrect, but why? Okay, Sergeant Slotter to me, he was just a wrestler that was like

sort of always my favorite as a kid. Like he's somebody that he's just like a larger than life character who just like broadly represents America. Yeah. And there's something like really fun about that. And like he was on GI Joe, which was a very fun cartoon. Yeah, I think that he was just as a character.

He was great. I remember when he came out thinking that he was like a real person. Yeah. Cause I saw him out of context with Ollie. I didn't see him on the shows that much. Yeah. I just remember seeing him on the packaging and on the toys.

Yeah. Oh my God. This is a real, this is a real sergeant. Yeah. But they're pitching me like back in that, he was a real, a real sergeant. That makes it even more confusing. Yeah. In that haze of youth where wrestling really nails everybody

is when you think that this is real in some way. Like now I look back on it and I'm not able to get into it anymore, like so many men my age are because I have that cynical filter on where I just see it as, it's like Game of Thrones, ironically and I don't have the G had Jeremy was talking about.

I see it and I'm like, they're just milking this for every week. Yeah. Like they've got a formula and they're, and they're gonna play everything out super slow to the last five minutes, and then they're gonna hit you with something to hook you in for the next week.

Yeah. And none of it matters. Like it's never gonna to get resolved, wherever they go with it is never going to work. That's a big problem about modern day world wrestling entertainment is like they have so much TV time they need to kill every week. They've got Monday night raw, which is three hours long. That's every week. Smackdown, which is two hours long, which is every week. NXT, which is an hour long every week. Superstars, which is an hour every week. Main event, which is an hour every week, main event, which is an hour every week.

In addition to that, they have pay-per-views. Now it's every month, but pretty soon it's going to be twice a month that are three hours long each. So it's like, in one week, you could have 12 hours worth of just wrestling content, you know, to watch to follow everything. But you're still into it. I'm still into it now. Wow.

Okay, so, like, I'm, I'm trying to unsynch myself. Yeah, okay, so, I'm still into it. I'm still into it. Wow. Okay, so like I'm, I'm into it. I'm trying to unsynch myself. Yeah, okay, so I'm still into it. You mentioned that like you can't get into the reality of it or something, right? What was the thing that you said earlier? I can't get over the fact that all of this is planned to hook people in for the next episode or the next week. Like every development that happens seems so scripted

and sculpted to this ride, like, who's gonna be a baby face? Who's gonna be a heel when I was a kid? I believed that this was really happening, and I was able to get into it, but I can't now, because I see the PR machine working in the background. Yeah, well, I will admit that like WWE, they never get enough off season, so it's like soap operas where it just has to keep going.

And it's like, there are rare moments, there are a few moments where you get full storyline closure on something. Because one feud sort of has to lead into the next feud kind of just infinitely. And I think as a fan, what I really like is there are occasionally just very good moments of closure. Like a couple of years ago, is a wrestling named Daniel Bryan,

who he was somebody that the fans loved for years and years. The fans really got behind him. WWE is a company, didn't really get behind him, because he's like five foot eight, like 180 pounds or whatever. He's not like a seven foot tall guy, he's a smaller guy. But he was such a good wrestler and such a hard worker, and he's seemingly such a good dude, that the fans just cheered him, he's a smaller guy, but he was such a good wrestler and such a hard worker. And he seemingly such a good dude that like the fans just like,

just cheered him as loud as they could. So like it got to the point where there were matches and like interview segments that Daniel Bryan wasn't even in that would get derailed because the fans would be chanting, Daniel Bryan's chant, which is yes, yes, yes, or chanting Daniel Bryan or whatever. So like they finally hit a point where the fans were taking over the show, like with their

love of Daniel Bryan so much and derailing so many segments, they were like, fine, we'll push him as the main guy. So like WrestleMania 30, he beat Triple H, which is their top guy, and then he beat Randy Orton Batista, which were the other two top guys in the main event for like the WWE Championship. It was such a just great moment of like this really hard working dude, just like God is do. And it's like as a wrestling man. As an actor.

Yeah. It was like a man. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, and it's like, I get that. And it's like, now you're rooting for the behind the scenes. Now you're rooting for one layer D.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. And it's like, the way to look at championships is like, I was talking about this on the rest, the you should love Yeah, and it's like, and it's like, the way to look at championships is like, I was talking about this on the rest, you should love wrestling podcast earlier today, is like a championship isn't like, oh, you're the best athlete, a championship,

it's like an Academy Award. It's like we're making you the top guy, we're rewarding you for your hard work. So it's like, as a fan, amazing when you see these guys that just deserve it, that you see work forever. It's like Leonardo Caprio winning for like, the Revenant or whatever, the Academy Award for Best Actor. It's like Leonardo Caprio winning for like the revenue or whatever, the account, the account name

would for best actor. It's like that same thing where it's like. Yeah, that was bullshit. That's the Academy Award, dude. Oh, yeah, I'm sure it was, but like, but like it's the same thing where it's like there are people that rooted for him not necessarily like for putting on a good movie, but like they wanted him to win that award.

Right. Yeah. He just grunted for, he did more wrestling work in the Revenant than wrestlers do in the ring. Oh, yeah Three hours grunting and trying and trying to look like you're injured. Yeah, right before just busting up Okay, I got a first of all the best wrestler in the game Hall of Fame. I guess yeah I thank for you. Yeah, it's Jesse Ventura. Why? Because you like movies he's been in.

It's true. And he became a governor as a Republican in Minnesota. I think he was independent. He was dependent. Oh, what's the day he was in a pub? Yeah. Whatever. He was pretty concerned. He was pretty concerned. Like libertarian or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think he was independent because that's his thing. So that sounds sounds like the wrong answer though. I'm afraid it's wrong. Okay. The correct answer was Donald Trump. Oh. Oh, wrestling all of them. Yeah, he's in the wrestling all of them.

But he's like the celebrity wing of the wrestling all of them. There's no difference. You know, when he becomes president, it won't be the celebrity presidents, although it should be because it just be him and Reagan. Okay. Do you think that he'll come out to the apprentice theme or is he going to come out to hell to the chief? What, when he, when he, inog, when he gets inaugurated?

Yeah, like anytime that he comes out. I think that when he comes out, whatever he has planned to play will be drown out by the trumpeting of angels. And the heavens will open up and all of our senses will combine into like a seventh chakra that all of humanity will, it will be revealed to all of us and we'll be able to see and hear and experience senses in all new ways that we've never heard before. And he will come out to this sound that will sound like a rapture and he will point at Obama. Obama will for no reason be there because this never happened before, and he will go, you're fired. And at that point, at that point,

a new universe will begin. It will be like that, his point will be like the birth of like Michelangelo's, Sistine Chapel Roof with God pointing at Adam, and that will be Donald Trump's point, and a new reality will spawn from that point. That's what I think the sound will be. And like, when Trump points at Obama, is Obama just going to be like, okay, and then he'll

leave or is he going to violently explode? He will, a demon will explode out of him. Oh, got it. A giant demon will explode out of him like a cartoon and will start clawing at people's health insurance. All over, all over, whatever it is, the reflecting pool, where do the Capitol Hill build it? Yeah, like yeah. He'll just start clawing at their cards and eating them.

And then how will, how will he get defeated? Trump will pull out a big sword, a big flaming sword, and a Pegasus, a Pegasus will ride in that has the face of Ann Coulter, and he will ride through, he will ride through the crowd and chop off Obama's many tentacle arms that are grabbing at your health insurance. Okay. And then as about squad of Mexican banditos will run in, like shooting pistols in the air. And Trump will raise his sword for people like me to then come out and engage on this

ideological battle. Okay. So when Trump swings his sword, is it going to be like a video game where it's like there's going to be like a contrail of an American flag like trailing behind the sword every time he swings it? Yes, but it will be golden. It won't be red, white and blue, but it will be gold because it's not stupid. It's not like trying to keep a color scheme. It will be all gold as he flings it through the air. And that's, and that's when, you know,

Milo, Ian Appalus and all of his, all of his gay followers will come in with a bunch of pink guns to fight off of these demons that will be shooting out of the ground because Hillary will do the same thing. She'll melt into like a terminator robot. Oh, God. And all these spawned aliens will start shooting out of her. Okay. So, are you, so you're ready to fight in his personal army?

That's what I've been preparing for this whole time. That's what I've been trying to tell people about, but yes. Well, okay. So, if you want, if you want to serve in Donald Trump's personal army, what's like the best advice that you give somebody to be a good Trump army guy? You got to go on his website and buy a hat, first of all, and then you spend all day shit posting on Reddit and Twitter about it. That's how he knows.

He's like Santa. That's fair. That's his list is he's got a big old checklist. And if you've done enough shitposting for the day, you get a check mark. So, okay, so when you buy his hat and put it on, when he pulls out his sword, well, the hat surround you like a suit of armor

or like is there some mythical thing with that? Yes. The, what protects you in that, what will protect you in that instance, is an aura, is an aura of unstumpability. Oh, God. That's what I call it. So these demons will come at you and try to stump you.

These little Hillary demons could Jesus make a taco so delicious. Yes, they'll try to stump you up there. And you'll be like, oh, he. They'll say things like, why do you need a gun? And you'll be like, oh, jeez. They'll say things like, why do you need a gun? And you'll be like, well, you'll try to explain yourself to them, but you're, you're, but the hats, the best. The best. But the hat just makes it like, you're like, I know why I do to go.

And you're like, I don't have to explain myself to you. You bitch. It's called the second amendment and you'll chop it them with a sword. Yeah. Everyone, everyone who carries a hat will also carry a golden sword. They'll probably be as big and beautiful as Trump. But it's like enough to do some damage. It's enough to get rid of these demons.

But how do you feel about, I mean, like, and this is a serious question, like just the Trump hats, like there, a lot of them being made in like China or Mexico? Well, his hats are made in the US. Okay. I have, I ordered right away the second that fucking hat when I was still in that phase of I support everything that's going on here, but I don't think it's, I don't think this is real life. Like I also when, when that was at the point when my support of Trump was at a hundred and my support of the irony of supporting Trump was at a hundred.

All right. That, that equals a purchase. Yeah. Like in our generation and definitely millennial generation, that's how you get people to shell out the money. It's like I support this, also this is funny. Also, it's very funny to take all of the money that you need. I bought it right away, man.

My order number is probably in the tens of thousands. In my Facebook, the same is in the hundreds of thousands. I'm an early adopter on both Trump and Facebook. When I got that hat, I was mortified that it would be made in China, made in America. Wow. Made in America. So those knockoffs, those knockoffs,

which I don't think you should buy, no matter what the cost, like the regular hat, the real merged deal hat is like 25 bucks, or something like that. That's affordable. It's affordable as shit for something that'll last you the rest of your life. Especially something that's gonna create

an aura of stumpability or an aura of unstumpability for when the time comes. I mean, you'll get a gold sword out of that. That's gonna be worth a lot of money. That's linked to your soul. Oh, so you can't like sell it. No, you can't sell these things. Oh, okay, that's fair.

Yeah. It's like macho, it's like Randy Savage's Matjo Madness. Yeah. He can't sell that. He can sell you a Slim Jim that might induce some kind of a madness, but he can't sell the Matjo Madness. Okay, yeah, I go, I go, I go, you're talking about that, that makes sense. Okay, you know, I still eat those things because of him.

Yeah, I think we all do. I used to, I used to eat them a lot. I feel like I've slowed down lately, but like they're great. You know, I don't eat them a lot. I don't eat them a lot. I eat them a lot. I feel like I've slowed down lately, but they're great. I don't eat them a lot. I mean, it's strong, basically. Yeah, I don't eat them a lot, but he's the reason why I know what the fuck those are. So when you eat one, do you mutter,

ooh, yeah, to yourself while you're doing it? Yeah. That's fair. I feel like I think it when I'm eating it. Okay, here's the big question. This is the, who's the big question. This is the, this is the, who's the, who's the most feared wrestling opponent of all time? I remember Yoko Zuna was for a while,

the big show was for a while, that giant guy. Yeah. And Andre the giant of course, all huge assholes. You're feared by everyone. Who is it right now? Okay, the most feared wrestling guy. This is just, this is just for a metaphor. This isn't the question. Okay, got it. Okay, the most feared wrestling guy right now. Okay, the most feared wrestling guy. This is just for metaphor. This isn't the question. Okay, got it. Okay. The most feared wrestling guy right now. I'm going to say Joey Ryan. He's

like an indie guy. And his gimmick is that like his dick is so strong that he can like flip you with it. Whoa. Yeah. It's a fearsome opponent. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know. I mean, if it's like, if it's the big show, I'll just like run under his legs or something like that. And then he'll be like, Oh, geez. I can't find him, then he'll follow her. But. Because he flipped people with his dick. Yeah, what he does is like, like people get really cocky about it, so like they'll think.

Oh boy. Yeah, oh boy. Yeah, so they'll think like, oh, I'm strong enough, I can grab his dick and have no ill effects. So they'll like grab his dick halfway through the match. Yeah. And then he'll like, and then he'll flex his dick, and then they'll, and then they'll be like,

oh jeez, my hand hurts. And then he'll be like, aha, I've got you now. And then he'll like, twist his pelvis, and the guy will like flip over. And he, let's see, wrestling needs more of that. He's like one man just like that. Like, I'm just a magical guy.

Yeah. Every listener is on YouTube right now, so this is true. Yeah, Google, Joey Ryan, like Dick, Suplex, or something. He's the only wrestler to be officially sponsored by U-Porn. The move that he calls, he calls us to move like the U-Pornplex now or something. He's great.

He's awesome. He's got a mustache. He's wonderful. This is the Joey Ryan of questions in this show. What makes you a rage? OK, actually, I've got a couple of things that make me a rage. Extra credit.

Oh yeah, guys. Okay, so the first thing that makes me a rage, I think is shellfish. I just don't really like shellfish. I'm the type of person that like- Are you Jewish? No, I'm not Jewish. It's more of a texture thing.

Like I love like Boba and like sort of bubble tea because like those tapioca beads, I just like the texture of them. But shellfish, it's just, there's like, sandy texture to it that I just can't get over. Gooe. Yeah, it's like, it looks like oysters.

It's like, yeah, like oysters. It's like that thing where like, you're chewing it and like the gooe part's great. But there's just like grains of sand that are like, never gonna be able to be washed out. And sometimes you get that, yeah. Yeah, and it's just, I think it's just like, my only shellfish experience

is these grains of sand. And it's just like, it's like, not pleasant's just, I mean, it's just like my only shellfish experience is these grains of sand. It's just like, it's like not pleasant to chew, you can feel it like between your teeth. So like shellfish really makes me rage. I do think that seafood is kind of a rip off. Like if I eat, if I get stuck eating a meal of seafood or fish, or maybe some shellfish, I do feel like I got robbed of a meal that day.

Yeah, I really wanna, yeah. Like if I get a good sandwich, I consider that a win. If I get a burger or steak or anything like that, but if I get stuck with salmon, for example, what do you really like to my- Yeah, I really like to my- I'm like, this is bullshit. Like I really wait- I feel like I wasted this day. Don't you like king crab?

Don't you like scallops on the grill? I do, man. I'm just good. Maybe it's just fish. Like I like the act of tearing the crab apart. Okay. And I like the pain when you're busting into king crab. Well, king crab?

Yeah, because it's got spines all over it. Oh, yeah. And lobster's too. Like I like that it hurts. I like that children can't do it. I like that this is a delicacy that God has protected and saved for only men who can tear into it with their hands. Okay, how do you feel about the lobster skull crackers?

Do you like the metal things that you used to open up lobsters? Do you use that or you just try to like, do you just punch it open? I have disdain for them, but I will use them. If I'm going through, if I'm going on a crab leg binge, and I get eight or nine crab legs in, and my mind just have a hammer that you use or something, I wish they would start with that.

I feel like you could just buy a ball pin hammer. Why can't you just bring in your own stuff? Yeah, that'd be nice. Yeah, why am I waiting for the restaurant to tell me how to eat my ranch? You can just take one and then just set the lobster leg on the table and just take a hammer and smash it open. Yeah. Okay, what else what else makes you rich?

Okay, so what else makes me rage is a Scott Bale like specifically 1970s actor Scott Bale. The reason that he makes me rage is that like I okay, so like I watched a lot of happy days growing up Which was the funds Richie Cunningham like all those gang. And I watched it. And he was what? Yeah, he was chachi on Happy Days. I watched it on Nick at Night Growing Up and just reruns of it. And the show, it's an amazing perfect show. It teaches a lot of really great memorials.

It's just like as an artistic thing, it's like using 1950s life stuff to teach lessons to people in the 70s. They're like genuine great moments of humor. There's a lot of just like, really. Oh, true, it was a throwback. Like, when it was made, it was a show. It was the show was made in the 1970s,

but it was about the 1950s. I always forget that one. But they used like 1950s stuff to like comment on 1970s stuff. Sure. And it was just like a well put together show. But like, when Chachi Scott Bayo was introduced, it was very clear that like, oh, Richie Cunningham

and the Fons are getting old, so we need like a new guy. So like he came on board and basically like, he sort of became the centerpiece of the show so deliberately that like, it just, I don't know, makes me rage so much because like. You know what? I feel the same way about Elmo. Yeah, I can, yeah. No. Fucking hate Elmo so much because Sesame Street was perfect, man.

You had the cookie monster and the big bird and everybody got equal time. Yeah. And they all had equal neuroses. Yeah, and then Elmo came on board. And then Elmo came on and got shoved down our faces. And it was just like, and it was like, oh, he tested well. So I guess we're just going to like give him his own show or whatever. Yeah, and it's like, what's wrong with him?

Oh, he just loves everyone and likes to be touched and he's gotta be in everybody's bit now. Yeah. And there's less cookie monster. Like the more Elmo there is, there's less of everybody else. That's like the Simpsons Pucci of like of like of kids show characters or like Chachi's the same way with happy days

where it's like whenever Elmo's not on screen, all the characters should be saying, where's Elmo or like, where's Chachi or whatever. And I'll tell you, when I was a kid and I saw this, I remember being very little and just fucking hating Elmo. Every time he came on and I knew it, that's when I started to not, maybe I was growing up as well, but that's definitely when I started to not enjoy Sesame Street. Now man, you turn on Sesame Street, Elmo, Elmo, it's the fucking Elmo show.

Every fuck, it's Elmo, for every age, Elmo's got his own spin off where he lives next to some pedophile called Mr. Noodles. And it's like, I don't, I got two more questions about Elmo now. I hope that was how that show was pitched for us, just like we're going to have Elmo live next to a pedophile. And then we're like, you know, a magical window of someone named Mr. Noodle. Yeah. And checks on him. And it's deliberately set up like before Elmo, you don't know if they're Muppets or if they're kids. Like they seem like adults,

but then Elmo's got this world called Elmo's World where he's very clearly a child. Like he's not a Muppet is kind of like a retarded person. You know, like a five year old or something. Yeah, now he's literally five. Like I don't want Elmo hanging around this guy at five years old. I don't feel comfortable with that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's the exact same thing where it's just like, I don't care how many T-shirts somebody sells. Don't use it to like ruin a good show, you know? Yeah, I agree. Okay, what was your last one? Okay, my last thing that makes me rage. Okay, so I'm like a pretty straight edge person.

I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't do, I don't smoke, I don't do any of like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I just like, oh, shit, I'm so sorry, man. It's okay if I drink. And it's like, yeah, it's fine. I'm like an adult, I don't care. And two is like, people will instantly jump to assumptions about why I don't drink. Things that I've gotten are like, oh, like, was your dad at an alcoholic

and you kill your mom in a car accident? Oh, like, did you, like, I don't know, were you in the army or something like that, and you have bad experience with beer? Why were you like allergic? Or you were like, you're the most fucking insane stories that? And you have bad experience with beer? Why are you like allergic? Or are you like, I don't know what he's like,

he's like, he's the most fucking insane story. Just like, why? I find the beer wars or whatever. Like, I don't know, it's a, maybe it's a health choice. Maybe it's an allergy thing, but it's like, it's so lame that like,

it's like, instantly, I'll say that I don't drink and people will either look at that as like a bad reflection on them. Yeah. Or they'll like instantly think that I'm I'm broken as a person for not drinking. You know what, they're making it the big deal. Yeah, totally. And it's like, fine, you know.

They are. And I have, I think there's some dark machinations at work because what you're professing is something that we all want. Like everybody wishes they could just not drink. Yeah. I was talking about my life coach last week, you know, we're gearing up for our fourth of July and probably illegal.

Yeah, it's probably fine. Yeah, let's go with that. Yeah, you know, I'm not band-in lawyer. Yeah, I'm a cop and a lawyer and a congressman, sure. You'll be fine with that. You'll be fine doing that, but you'll get a drunken public. Now I'm gonna do in somebody's yard.

I mean, right? In the backyard. Yeah, in the backyard. That's fun. Like I'm not to do in somebody's yard. I mean, right? In the backyard. Yeah, in the backyard. That's fun. Like I'm not going to walk around the street, blaspheme guns. I'm going to do it in somebody's yard. Standing in front of city hall. Well, depends on a neighbor. You're in. Does it? Of course. Do you think I would be better off in a rich neighborhood or a poor

neighbor? No, poor neighborhood. So I wouldn't get reported in a poor neighborhood. Well, because a lot of people are going to be doing it. You're going to have more cops in that poor neighborhood, but the likelihood of them catching you are probably less. I don't know. That's true. Well, we'll find out. We'll probably both spend fourth of July and jail.

Anyway, he was over and I had commented that I hadn't really drank that week. Like he was, I had no beer in the fridge. So I had a 12 pack of legonitis in the fridge fridge, and we're gonna need to make a beer run. This is not gonna be enough for us. And I just was like, yeah, I just, it's not stocked, because I haven't been drinking this week, and he goes, well, yeah, that's where we'd all like to be.

But that's not what we're doing tonight. And so it's like this idea that people will instinctively try to hook you into their degenerate addiction. Yes. Is a strange and socially allowed custom? Oh, yeah. Well, it's so, I'm getting what you're talking about.

Like, oh, that's what we were all aiming for. There have been so many times in my life where I've been hanging out with friends and a party and one of my friends is really drunk and they'll put their arm around me and then look me in the eye with the most sad eyes possible and say, do you look down on me? And the amount of times that that's happened to me, literally the same tonality every time.

That's like creature-coming. You're not. That's just like, I don't know. I live my own life. I like have my own hobbies. I'm not like, if I'm hanging out at a party, if my idea of a fun party isn't being like, that person's drunk, I'm going to note that

on my anti-drunk note pad, you know? We should be asking you, I wish I would have led with this question. We should be asking you how do you get through it? What do you think? Because when I get to a party, I need that first beer. I need my whole demeanor changes if I'm just holding something.

Yes. Like holding a glass of ice will change it. It's like my kung fu action grip comes out and I need to get something in that hand or I'm gonna start getting goofy. Oh, I tried. On alcoholic beer, same result. If I'm holding that, that changes.

It's like my brain is saying like, I'm going to be rewarded. And then of course I'm not rewarded. Yeah. The way that I wanted to be rewarded. But yes, that act will absolutely change your personality. But I feel like that's very true. Like I've never drank before, so I have no idea what it does to you physically. Nendring high school?

Yeah, I've never actually done it to it. No,ring high school? I think you never actually did to it. No, never had a single drop off. I was just, and it was a choice that you made really early. Yeah, it was a choice I made when I was like 15 or 60. And people think that's weird. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's different. It is, I mean, by any definition of weird, it's weird.

Most people at least try it. Well, yeah, well, I think for me it's just like, I saw a lot of people in my hometown who like, clearly, like, they'd thrown their lives away without having to leave. They were never gonna leave. Yeah, yeah, and it was like, I didn't want to be that guy that had anything to keep me sort of in my hometown. So it looks like I wanted to like, you know, move to Los Angeles and do comedy stuff.

Sure. And like, I just definitely looked at that and like drugs and smoking and all that. It's just like, another one of those things where it's like, oh, if I do this and get really into it, that's gonna prevent me from fulfilling my potential or whatever. And to get what you're talking about. Is that real?

Yeah. Okay, so let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. Do you look at screwing around in the same light? If you're putting off, because you're a very productive writer and you write very funny stuff. When you're not, like, would you say sitting down and watching TV is in the same vein, like, you don't

want to waste your life playing video games or watching TV when you could be being productive because for a lot of people, that's what drinking and drugs is. Well, I guess, like, I'm the type of person where I'm just like, I'm a really busy person and I have like a lot of different, just like weird comedy bits that I'm doing. So like, it's less of a looking at watching TV is wasting time thing and it's more, oh, I can't watch TV, I gotta do, I gotta write this sketch where I gotta like do this

weird bit or whatever. So, and there are definitely times where it's like, like I play a lot of like video games, so like I try to set aside like a couple weekends a year where it's like, I play a lot of like video games, so I try to set aside a couple weekends a year where it's like, I'm just gonna sit down and play some weird indie game for 12 hours a day or whatever, but it is just like, it's a very conscious thing

of like, I've got shit to do, so I don't really have a lot of time for that stuff. Wow. But you were saying, but you were saying that the holding a drink thing, like that is something where it's like, if I'm at a bar or on a party, I'll definitely like order an orange juice or something like that. And like just the act of holding it does make me feel like, Oh, I'm at this party as opposed to like, I feel like if I'm just standing

there with nothing. And that's without having ever had a drink. Yeah, totally. So imagine if you're used to that and comfortable with that and your brain starts sending you the signals like, oh, I'm gonna be rewarded. Yeah, man, your entire personality changes even before you get the drink in your hand knowing that the promise of a drink is enough to get you going. Yeah, I can see that because it is just like a comfort to like to like be holding it. It's like, you know, it's like a wearing pants without pockets, where it's like, you can't really put your hands in your pockets and it just feels weird, you know? That's a pretty good analogy, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I did it.

That's really interesting. All right. I mean, that sounds like it's own Dictip, but do you have any Dictip's for listeners? I'm sure I want you back on, because now you've become with this no drinking thing, you've become the most fascinating person in the world to me. I can't wrap my mind around that and also Trump does it. So that's a double.

Where really Trump doesn't drink? Never had a drink. That's crazy. Doesn't drink. So you're saying that I'm just like Donald Trump. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah.

Warren Buffett gave a speech to a college. I can't remember where. And he said the two things in his lifetime that he has seen cause the downfall of more businesses is alcoholism and leverage. Alcoholism and borrowing too much. Yeah, it was very odd that he picked those two. I bet it's in that order too. I think so. There are some fucking stupid decisions you've made on alcohol. Sure. Well yeah, well I've seen so many people where it's like, oh you had so much potential,

you could have done so much cool stuff, but like you got way too into partying and like it's just sort of torpedoed your ability to do so, you know. That's when women move out here to be actresses, that's the one thing I tell them. Just don't just get trapped. Just get trapped all the time. Stop drinking. Yeah. You're gonna put on 20 pounds

You're not gonna go to auditions like it's gonna suck the life right out of you Well, that's another thing like when you when you go to college There's the stereotype of the freshman 15 of you getting 15 pounds when you first go to college I didn't go through that at all and I think it's because I just never drink so like I didn't have that go to a bunch of frat parties And a trash every weekend. It doesn't only apply to women No, I think it's in general now. Yeah, it's a dudes too Yeah, I guess that makes to do to do to. I guess that makes sense,

because you do just cut loose with thousands of calories and booze. Yeah, and like I never did that, so I didn't gain any weight. Mr. Joey Cliff, do you have a dick tip? Okay, so first dick tip is listen to you should love wrestling. It's a wrestling podcast that I think is real good and a lot of people should listen to it.

And in this show, you try to convince your friend. Yeah, I try to convince our friends to i think it's a friend's like professional wrestling what are uh... what are some of the reasons that you've given them okay so a lot of the stuff that i've talked to you about uh... honestly it's less us giving us reasons why it's great and more it's it's more us trying to break down his reasons for not liking it okay so like he'll say like oh he hates the storytelling of the stories are down so we'll show him like

barely vs Sasha banks which is a match that like has a storyline that's like as good as Star Wars or something. Okay. Or like he'll say, like, oh, it looks really fake. So we'll show him like a combat zone wrestling, like blood fest match where guys are actually cutting each other with knives. And then he'll be horrified by that.

And then he'll say, like, oh, like, I don't like that there are like pauses between moves for applause. So then we'll show him, oh, I don't like that there are pauses between moves for applause. So then we'll show him just a Japanese wrestling, very legit athletic event, wrestling event. I've never got the fake complaint because a real fight is not entertaining. A real fight is two guys trying to rub their nipples together. Yeah. And it almost always goes to the ground immediately. And it goes to the ground immediately, and then they get pulled apart, and their shirts all fucked up,

and they spend the rest of the night complaining about the fight. That's a real, that's as real as it gets. So what do you want? Well, like, I mean, that's one of the reasons the wrestling became sort of scripted, is like, back in the 1800s, wrestling matches would take like an hour or two.

And it would be an hour or two of just like guys jostling each other until one finally got to the ground. Yeah, and like I think that there were these two guys, George Hackensmith, Frank Gatch, who were just like, one of them had like a hurt shoulder, so he couldn't wrestle for two hours. And he was the champion of the time, and he told this guy like, my shoulders hurt,

I don't think I can wrestle for two hours. Is it okay if we just wrestle 30 minutes and I'll let you beat me and we'll make it look competitive? And the other guy was like, all right, I can do that. I was like, boy. Yeah, but like the great part about that is that the guy who was healthy was like, all right, I'll do that.

Matt started instantly through him on the ground in Pindham because he was like, oh, you're hurt, I can do this. So the first wrestling match, and for first scripted professional wrestling match ended in a double cross. Oh. Yeah, like a real, and that's when wrestling was born. Yeah, I feel like, and then after that,

they were like, okay, we could, there were ways that we could make this look more entertaining than just being like three hours of two dudes hugging or what. I should put a bunch of hot goss on it. Yeah, I should tell you guys, I'm gonna eat some beef and hot goss. Yeah, what's your other dick tip?

Yeah, promoting a show. Okay, my second dick tip is like, listen to telling you, you need some big hot gas. Okay, what's your, what's your other dick? Okay, promoting your show. Okay. My second dick tip is like, listen to my show, guys. No, okay. My second dick tip is, I mean, honestly, just like if you have a dream or something, you want to accomplish, just go for it. Do you don't be afraid? If you want to shoot a gun wildly into the air on the 4th of July, just don't look at

the rules. Just do it. Just like, you know, live your dreams, bros. Is that really your tip? Do you know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? You're on podcast, you're on, right? Yeah.

No, I'm a big, I'm a dream king. Yeah, yeah. There's way too much dream chasing going on. Yeah. You like learn how to repair an air conditioning. But I guess, but like what I'm saying is like, if you want to learn how to repair an air conditioning unit and that's like something you strive to do, don't just like talk about

it, do it. Okay. That's what I'm more talking about. Let's compromise. I'm bust in your balls. Yeah. I'm kind of like that. Try it.

But then you got to be realistic probably at some point. Yeah. How long? How long do you need to try your dream up to the person? No, no. It's there. You can never be up to the person because people are stupid and then it's all let them be stupid. What's like 18 months? 18 months. 18 months. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I think it's like you do hit a point where it's like, I'm not really getting anything from this. Like if you like work out for 18 months straight

and you hate it and you don't like how you look, then like try, you know, if you're doing way, it's try yoga or whatever. It's just like, you know, don't do the same thing if you hate it over and over again for the rest of your life. Well, then you, yeah, then you have tried it. And it's like, okay, this didn't work out.

Let me try something else. Yeah, totally, totally. But don't like, don't just like talk about how you want to do something. Do it. Okay. I'll take that one. Follow your dreams. Yeah. Dream small. Yeah. That's why I can't. Dream in stages. Dream in stages. Dream incrementally. And dream. Stop dream in 18 months. Yeah. Well, like if you want to, if your dreams to get like a black belt in karate, take karate classes. And then, you know, if you try it for 18 months, you can. And a very small dream and incremental perfect.

Yeah, but it's like if you do it for 18 months and you're like not above a white belt, then like maybe you'd stop doing karate. Maybe do like, I don't know, kickbox or something. Yeah. Also try yoga. That's my third dick tip. Yoga is really good. Yoga is a thing that I didn't want to do.

I mean, that I wanted to do, talked about it for years. Finally, two years ago, just did it, and did it six times a week for like six months. I finally had to like stop doing it, just got really busy with like working writing stuff. But it's something where like, I'm glad that I tried that. And now I know that I can like do yoga really well.

And I felt really healthy and it was great. And I wish I could do it again, but I've got all these writing things to do, guys. And the great thing about your yoga is that now that it's done, you can continue talking about it. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Continue telling people about your yoga and you're trying to do guys. And the great thing about your yoga is that now that it's done, you can continue talking about it. Oh, yeah. Continue telling people about your yoga and you're trying

to do a yoga. That's like being on Dr. Phil. Yeah, like I haven't done yoga in probably six months, still talking about it regularly, guys. All right. I had some opinions on Islam a couple episodes ago. And I think I upset. No the listeners who's called in. Who got on the phone right now, sir, are you with us?

Hello, my good friend, Dick. I don't think I'm a good friend. Who is this? Oh, don't you be coy. This is jihad jir, me, your ex-calibrate. Okay, what is your problem is jihad jirama your ex-cali to roommate okay what is your problem jihad jirama what is what is what is dick come on you look don't treat me like a stranger everybody's over here

right how are you doing man how are how are the ladies the great they're doing great in america where they're free uh... jr. m. what did you major in we both majored in misogyny great in minor in loving the guns great a lot of like you he talks he

he talks a big game about the muslims but you know deep down he's one of us. Right. Why did you call in today, Gihad Jeremy? Well, you know me, I love to call your show with my G-Hads of the Week. Okay, so what is your G-Had this week? Well, my first G-Had of the week, Game of Thrones Finale spoilers. That's a big G-Had for you? You know guys, you got to wait a week before you spoiler. That really bothers me.

And I'm just so sick of people not respecting what I call spoiler etiquette. Here's another spoiler I saw on Twitter and I'm sure this is true. Did you know that white walkers are secretly black? No. It makes them much scarier. It makes them way scarier if you ask me, which you didn't, but I'll tell you. All right, let's move on to G-Hard number two.

Brexit, heart takes. Brexit, heart takes? Brexit, heart takes. That's right. What's that? Look, the UK leaves the EU suddenly. Everyone's an expert on foreign policy you know if the UK wants to secede let them secede it's their democratic right you know the the Brexit hot takes have really been driving me crazy this week because every single one of them takes this position that the only way you can be pro-Brexit

is by, is some combination of stupidity, a lack of economic training, or just flat-out racism. It's always goes to racism. It always goes to racism. Or xenophobia. Like the idea that people just can't be, that can't have the principle that they do not want their governing class to be number one unelected, and number two completely unreproachable. Like I don't want to have an elitist cabal in Europe deciding, not only deciding all of my fate, but who I'm shipping money to just so they can try to get more power. That black and white thinking is so intellectually lazy,

that there couldn't possibly be another side to an argument. No, and it's great what I love about it is of, I mean, I don't see how Brexit doesn't prove that Trump's gonna win. Like, who looks at that and says, well, first of all, all of our pundits didn't predict it. All of our polls didn't predict it, but it turns out people want to have want to self-govern. Like whatever that is the one core component that every single hot take misses.

Well, they guessed wrong on the silent majority. Yeah. That's definitely right. But I haven't seen a hot take yet that's just like, well, I mean, yeah, what's the benefit? Like, what's the benefit of globalism? People, it's people exercising their democratic right. I mean, look, I may not agree with that if somebody votes like, I'm going to chop that

hand off, you know, somebody votes with that left hand, it's like, goodbye hand. Hello, Sump. But I mean, you know, take it from a G-hat Jeremy, a guy who wants to destroy the infidels of the Western world. It's much more convenient to take out the UK as its own independent entity. I mean, you're covering the entire EU in the sacred, pure flying flame of the caliphate. That's a hassle. But just the UK, that's a nice sized, manageable tarot target. I'm on board.

I mean, that's funny, but that's exactly what they're building. Like every single year that went by the prognostications of what would happen if the UK were to pull out of the EU, got bigger and bigger. And it's like, well, then what are you building? Because the every other, in every other scenario, you would want people to be able to leave and for the system to keep working. If you pull something out and the system crumbles,

you're talking about a fucking family. Like that says incestuous and the opposite of autonomous as you can get. Like these people They're slaves to this system like this is yeah, the pitch is the the pitch is unnecessarily all the cons Look I look you're preaching to the choir here because and one of the other thing is you know The UK was taking in all these Syrian refugees. They said all their Brexit was because of the Syrian refugees I'm with them. I want those people back in Syria where I can terrorize them.

Like I'm supposed to where I could throw where they go, what they eat, if they go to school, and if you're a lady, you better stay away from the school because I'll blow it up. I will do that. Yeah, do you know what? Look for more. A lot more of these exits are going to come.

I don't see what the problem is in them pulling out. They don't even have to change money the whole system falls apart where you just go back to change changing money It was fun. All right. Uh, G had Jeremy. What what else you got? You got any more G has of the week? Okay, and finally my big number one with the bullet G heart of the week Donald Trump. No, that's it. Go away. Now get out of here. Well, I think you and I might have the same issue with Trump. I'm jealous of Melania. Yep. Okay, good. You throw a burger on her. I'm like, that's the next Mrs. G. Hadjaermi right there. Oh my god, this girl. She's making me think very strange thoughts like maybe women should be able to drive over to my place and hang out with

G.H.J.A.L.A. All right, G.H.J.A. I mean, thank you very much. Please go back to whatever it is you're doing. Okay, get to America, guys, right? We're all on board. Right, right, right. Thank you. Happy Fourth of July.

Bye. Goodbye. He seems like a nice man. Yeah, he does seem like a nice man. Joey Cliff, thank you for coming by. I hope you can check you out on... You can check you out on Twitter at JoeyTainment, J-O-E-Y-T-A-I-N-M-E-N-T. Currently got a bit where I realized

that the Garfield Twitter account isn't verified. So I changed my name to Garfield official and I'm trying to get verified as the official Garfield account. So follow me and really just email Twitter and make sure that I get that official verified Garfield. What do you post as Garfield? I think I posted a picture of like John Arbuckleble with no face. And then the text was just like,

this is John Arbuckle without a face. Or like on Friday, I posted like Mondays or the worst. You're like Garfield fact 15. He has a friend named Odie, you know. All right, Joey Cliff. Thanks everybody. This has been an episode of the Dixho. Go to thedixho.com. Check us out on Patreon. Patreon.com slash the Dixho. Thanks to everybody. Thanks to all the patrons.

Thanks to Joey for coming by. Thank you to Sean, the audio engineer. Remember, tell me what you think happened. What is my personal and professional reputation being protected from? Please submit your theories and the top three people win a t-shirt this is dickmasters DECK! DECK! DECK! DECK! DECK!

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