The Dick Show - Episode 417 - Dick on Hipster Prison

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

Shooting dice in hipster prison, coyotes break my hot water, the bodycam footage of Riley's arrest is released, gay dads leave a newborn in a car, Maddox misses a joke, getting the army numbers up, and the federal government is neutered; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

It's funny the way kids' skills, you know, are at a lull. Certain parts of their skills are so bad, the catching and the throwing, you know? So it's just like, you're just running, running, running, and getting shouted at. That's a child's experience. That was my experience playing Little League. It seems to be a lot of other kids' experience as well.

Just not being able to do something well because you're small and little and a child and then getting shouted at for not doing it well. Speaking of the- Remarkable. The not throwing or catching well, I can remember my first year I was eight and I was adamant that I was not gonna play tee ball first

because that was, tee ball's not fucking baseball to me. Oh, you were gonna skip. Yeah. You were just gonna run. No, I was not gonna play T-ball first, because that was, T-ball's not fucking baseball to me. I was- Oh, you were gonna skip. Yeah. You were just gonna run. No, I was just- Fuck T-ball. No, I was gonna wait, I was gonna wait to play on a team until you could pitch.

Yeah. Because like I wanted to be a pitcher too. So like I'm not, you know, fuck T-ball. Yeah. So, I'll never forget this, was one of our very first practices, and we were warming up. You pick somebody else on your team to warm up.

And you know, like my dad had, you know, worked with me a bit and I, you know, I could throw and catch and I, I had good hand eye coordination. No. Okay. And I was playing with this kid, James. How did you have that sort of input into your own upbringing?

Where you were allowed to do things like that, make decisions like that. No, I'm not playing T-Bomb, I'm just going straight to, I'm gonna wait it out. Because my family wasn't like crazy, like I was an athlete, so you're gonna be an athlete type of thing, you know? Like that's, yeah, it's a little different.

Yeah, that's one thing I can say is that I was never, I was never really pressured into doing like, you're gonna learn fucking, you're gonna learn the violin or you're gonna, you know, that kind of shit. Smash that violin. So I'll never forget, we were kind of throwing like little kind of

pop flies to each other. You and your dad? No, this is a kid, this kid James on, it was one of the first practices and He was not good and He must have missed that ball by a good foot like he put his glove up and hit him right in the fucking mouth And he went down to his knees and spit his teeth into his hand And then his hand started overflowing with blood. I'll never forget. And he like looked up and he went, ah!

And like, This was day one? This was maybe the second or third practice. Oh my God, okay. And like, dude, the way that I came up, grew up, I was instantly like, oh my God, I'm in so much trouble. Like I- You just ran. No, I just like didn't do anything. And then that instantly like, oh my god, I'm in so much trouble. Like I- You just ran. Ah!

No, I just like didn't do anything. Ran home. I was like, that was my fault. Oh no. That's exactly how I thought. But that's, I was always, it was always my fault. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was-

I was raised in a similar household. But, so in any- My parents had the same strategy. Yeah. That day, that day he quit, he never came back. How do you ever fix that? How many times have you heard, don't be afraid of the ball, don't be afraid of the ball.

At this little league game. You talk about the skills about throwing and catching. Your different levels of coordination. That wouldn't have happened to me on a pop fly. It might happen to me today. If I had to catch a ball today, I might lose some teeth. All bets are off when you don't do anything for, you know. I'm sitting there going, why are you making them do this

instead of just sitting at home, like playing, doing internet stuff, playing video games? First of all, why are you making them do this? Secondly, why are you yelling at them? Yeah, well, you know, little league parents, soccer parents, they're the... There's always one. They're the worst. There's always one of them, you know? Yeah, yeah. Honey, what do you think is going to happen if he had made that, whatever, play? Yeah. How would your life be better? How would his life be better? I don't know. I mean,

they want people, want their kids to do well, but sometimes it's like that, you know, the people who care about it the least usually are the kids. you know, the people who care about it the least usually are the kids. Yeah, I guess sometimes they care about it the most or the best. It seems to be independent of getting yelled at. I, everything was life and death with me. Like, I mean, that's, I was, you know,

the most competitive. You know, I really did adhere to that, that Vince Lombardi quote, like, you know, you show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser. You know what I mean? It's- Okay. Like, yeah.

Asshole. But that's how I felt. I didn't know the quote. Yeah. But like, fuck that. Like you don't- Fuck you. Yeah.

Fuck you and your gay hat. All right, let's do this. Presenting- Everything sounds so weird to me. It'll be fixed next week though. Maybe my new headphones will get here during the middle of the show. Boogie and I are friends now, by the way. Wow.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee It's a show of it's a contest. Give me a laugh from Mountain Bunker, Dupin, Hardin City, Valor, Europe, New York, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Does he know you're friends? Yeah. He does. He does know that we're friends now. He launched this dumb meme coin. Yeah. You know, there's these meme coins. People have like a ass coin or a pedophile coin, or they spell Joe Biden wrong.

Damn. People are making billions of dollars off these meme coins. Yeah, yeah. Buying and selling coins that don't represent anything. They're just on the blockchain. Got it, yep. So Boogie made an ad for one,

and everyone's jumping down his throat like he's some kind of like he's some kind of scam artist. Oh He made like he way he made this elaborate like he's Andrew Tate style joke where he's yeah He's got no shirt on I mean honestly it seems like just an excuse for him to show off his hot young girlfriend and he's got his hot young girlfriend in underpants, bringing him candy, I think. Oh, he's like, he's like, no, but he's like older than me

and he's the one with the really young girl, right? Yeah, she's not even born yet. She's so young. So he's sitting there and she's bringing him snacks or whatever. And he's like, I and she's bringing him snacks or whatever and he's like he's like I'm broke Bringing him snacks. I think Like a beef jerky instead of Andrew Tate's cigar hilarious. It's the funniest content

I've seen him make in years funny. You know and he seems happy still and he's showing off his hot girlfriend You know I loved it Yeah, and he's like I'm broke and dumb He loved it. Yeah. And he's like, I'm broke and dumb. So if you want to be broke and dumb like me, buy my crypto coin. Fatty. A fatty.

Instead of daddy, like Andrew Tate. And people are like, this guy's trying to scam us. He's trying to scam you. How stupid are you? Who is this? Who is he scamming? What is the scam? A scam is like, put these solar panels on your roof and the world isn't gonna explode.

That's a scam. Yeah, right. Here, it's 8% more. You can pay off these solar panels over 40 years. I don't think people can tell anymore. What is the scam? Sometimes the truth is so fucking outrageous that you're like, yeah, yeah, he's gotta be telling the truth I think people but it's like no he fucking can't be you gotta

It's an arrow You gotta shut the other side, it's bullshit It's a fucking joke. It's like what if he was selling pogs? Hey, I'm broken dumb buy these pogs He's scamming everybody with these pogs Nobody buying those dumb coins think they're worth anything Nobody buying those dumb coins think they're worth anything. They're just trying to buy them, hoping that the marketing catches on, and sell them to other dumb people who are buying them to sell them to dumb people. That's the entire meme coin market.

I mean, it's like the stock market in a lot of ways. Except sometimes in the stock market, people are paying attention to fundamentals, you know? But not always. Sometimes people are buying stocks for dividends, like actual cash dividends, but not 99.999% of the time. They're not, they're just buying it to try to unload into somebody else. That's the world! That's the whole fucking world! No scams about it! Don't be caught holding the bag. Don't be caught holding the bag! Mortgage and rental prices now cost as much as mortgages did ten years ago! There's no such thing as real value.

None. They've distilled the memery of finance and investing into a joke, into a total conceptualized joke and Boogie made a funny ad for it and he's getting rain hell rain down on him unbelievable like where was where should that $100 you robbed people of $100 they could have easily bought a small fries at Jacko's they could have easily got bought by busy pricing Wendy's a sllo- frosty! Uh, I can't, what the fuck are you talking about? Scam, scam these nuts. You know, you know, um, this week in the slowpocalypse,

we've, uh, my neighborhood has turned into- What is the slowpocalypse? The slowpocalypse is happening all around us. It is not, there will never be an apocalypse. It's just a slowpocalypse where everything gets a little bit worse day by day. Oh, this is what, yeah, I believe in the slowpocalypse. You believe we're living in the slowpocalypse.

Yes, yes, yes, it's very recognizable. Kids are selling each other their own clothes out of the backs of their cars and they call it a trunk sale. Got it. This isn't a trunk sale, this is a, you're homeless, this is a step away from being homeless here, boys and girls, right? What's gonna stop doing this? It's how they get used to it

It's the compulsion to engage them and slowly Apocalypse to the idea. Yeah, you don't have a house. You've got a your rent your rent cost $3,000 Right, and you why doesn't my why don't I yeah, just pay mortgage with that? You're not going to have a house because there's no no you're gonna need a 10,000 year mortgage We're introducing that manipulated the fucking market to keep the fucking supply down Yeah, and Jack interest rates are super high But they're still funny so it's like only the only the riches to the rich can afford a house No, only bankers can afford it and then they just drive the rates down like oh wow awesome

Yeah, now everybody's making enough money to pay our $5,000 a month rental rates. That's great. Good. Anywhere where I, around the area that I'm at, there's plenty of, it's not like a particularly nice area, but it's like the little three bed, two bath houses built in like the 1940s or 50s. The average price is-

Million bucks. Seven figures. Yeah, yeah. Million two, million three. Dude, we're talking like 1400 square foot houses. Dude, 1400 square feet. That's this house. Yeah.

Yeah. It's retarded. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. I couldn't afford this house now. Sure. It's just fucked. It's totally fucked. What? Yeah. Everyone's like rental prices It's totally fucked! Sure. What?!

Yeah. Um... Everyone's like, rental prices are too high. No, they're not! They shouldn't exist! They shouldn't... those... they're not... Rental prices are too high! The fucking... it's your mortgage!

The rental price should be the fucking mortgage price! Yeah. Um... But I... but I don't... But I care more about... If Biden can drive a ball 50 yards. I gotta be honest with myself. Drive a ball 50 yards?

I honestly, yeah, I'm sitting there watching the debate going, why aren't they talking about how expensive groceries are? And then the golf game gets thrown out and I think, you know what, god damn it, I want to hear more about golf. Everybody needs some kind of escapism. I actually don't want to hear about how much bread is. I do want to hear who is a better golfer. I want to hear Trump get into Biden's golf game.

Sure. I think everyone agrees. It's more fun. It's way more interesting. It's way more fun. And I believe he knows about that. I don't think either of them can reduce the price of bread, no matter what, but I do think Trump can give me

valuable insights into Joe Biden's golf game. Maybe so. That's what I would like to- I would waste my time. I would like to hear it. Exactly. I would like to hear that. I don't wanna hear about,

I don't wanna hear what one of the biggest land developers thinks about how expensive houses are for everyone else. Right? I don't wanna hear about it. I know you don't want to hear about, I don't want to hear what one of the biggest land developers thinks about How expensive houses are for everyone else. Right? I don't want to hear about it. I know you don't know I fucking know you don't know. I know because you did this because you did it both of you idiot Both of you idiots all of this shit was you two guys's fault You two guys are the most responsible for all of this shit that's happening to us are the most responsible for all of this shit that's happening to us. Literally, a 60-year fucking land-bearant developer taking out junk bonds to renovate high- low-occupancy, high turnover condos in the worst real estate in the world and a career politician. You two guys did all of this!

I don't want to hear either of your solutions for any- Together. Together! You both teamed us- you both teamed up and fucked us from both sides! So I don't want to hear your fixes! I mean, you don't have any- this is mission accomplished for you! Spit roasted America. You fucked us! You both of you fucked us so hard! Yeah.

Um, obviously- obviously Trump's a better guy. Cause there's a man in there at least. Well- And a man in there, I assume. It's gonna be, what's gonna come down to, you know, as they say everything gets worse, including presidential candidates. I mean, literally.

They're gonna get older. Could you, wait, I mean. And worse. Could you not, you know, in a couple days find a thousand people more qualified to run the country than these two guys? Like, but it's, it's. I don't know what running the country is anymore,

to be honest. I don't know. Literally, it's going to come down to who is less likely to shit in their pants. Well, it's Donald Trump. Obviously, Trump. Yes, yes, exactly. It's like, he can say whatever he wants,

he could lie, he could manipulate, he could do whatever, he's way less likely to shit in his own pants. He's less likely to shit in his pants. God, that was funny, man. There was a real human moment when Trump said, I don't know what he said at the end of that sentence. And I don't think he does either.

I was like, bro, I can tell that you were really trying to pay attention and all of us were. I don't know what he said at the end of that sentence. Yeah, no, I don't know what he said at the end of that Yeah, where it's just more fucking did it for us Sean his Supreme Court guys out of they revoked the fucking the chevron thing Did you hear about that at all? The government can no longer just say oh, yeah all these unelected bureaucrat Administrations that have been running the country for 60 years, they can no longer just say, do whatever they say. Now they have to go, I don't think you guys,

I don't think you can do that. I don't think you can make farmers have some kind of weird ear tagging system that costs like, that decimates their profit so that only factory farming exists. I don't think you can do that. I don't think you can make fishermen pay $700 a day for some pencil dick bureaucrat Hermes Conrad from Futurama to sit on their boat and count the fucking mackerel they're catching. I

don't think you can do that! Yeah, they just squeeze. Squeeze where they can. He fucking did it! Trump fucking did that! By accident! But that's all we're voting for anymore. Supreme Court. That's it. That's all we're voting for anymore. Supreme Court, that's it. That's it. That's all we're voting for. That's it. The slowpocalypse. The slowpocalypse.

The bar down the street. Slow descent into hell. Slow descent into poverty. As minimum wage goes up, people don't phrase it like this and I hate it. As minimum wage goes up, it don't phrase it like this and I hate it. As minimum wage goes up, it's just making the gifted and the smart more like the non gifted and the poor. It's unnatural to take somebody who,

if you're making 20 bucks an hour before the forced minimum wage hike, now you as a person are equal to somebody that was making what is the minimum legal requirement to somebody whose value is almost nothing. They're teetering on the brink of nothing. Right, they can't, there are some people who just can't really contribute.

Most people. I don't know about most, but there's some people who are just kind of unemployable. I think 90% of people are not contributing at all. The way they have office jobs, they're at the cereal bar at Metta and Facebook. But have office jobs, they're at the serial bar at Metta and Facebook. But I mean, whether they're contributing or not,

I mean, able to like interface with other people and actually participate. Able to participate, even as like performatively. Yes, he says, that's what I mean. That's what you mean. That's what I guess. That's what the military is, right? Yeah.

An appearance of performing, a training to perform as part of a functioning group, right? An appearance of performing, a training to perform as part of a functioning group, right? Yeah. You know, it's not, it's no, we're not, we're not talking about, we don't fight wars here, right? We just participate. I get up, I'm told what to do and I do it. That's the function of what this is.

And then it costs, and then I get to play with billion dollar toys as a result of it, right? Kinda cool. Yeah, it's a nice little perk. And then I get to play with billion dollar toys as a result of it right kind of cool Yeah, it's a nice little perk And then I get to talk about it for the rest of my fucking life That's the worst part so the slowpocalypse is minimum wage $90 an hour yeah, everyone makes it they're selling each other clothes out of the back of their car right and but the other the other On the positive side,

it's turned the local bar, I haven't been out, I don't go out as much as I used to anymore. No, I'm too big of an alcoholic now. Used to be, I had to go. Because you have to take out a loan to, it's gotten that expensive where you're just, I'll drink it home. Yeah, that was part of it, but now it's like,

I'm not driving all the way to a bar to drink. I need it now. I can't wait 12 minutes. We went to this bar and these kids, these kids, a bunch of hipsters and some black guys are hooting and hollering at this table. I walk over there and these motherfuckers are shooting dice. Really?

Yes. Wow. So this black guy's like, you want to get in on this? And I'm like, sir, I don't know how to shoot dice. Yeah. Do you think you could teach me? I mean, in the spirit of Juneteenth, it was recently I celebrated it. Yeah. What do you think?

Yeah, sit on down. He's always showing me how to shoot dice. So who got shot first? No, it was total racial harmony. Oh yeah? Of betting with, there was a bit of, I watched a fucking white guy call out the black guy for cheating at his numbers,

because that wasn't a two, and I'm like, what's gonna happen now? And he's like, oh, you're right, you're right. And I'm like, now what's gonna happen? You sneaky motherfucker. I'm shooting dice at the local bar and I'm looking around and it's been reduced to and it's I'm looking around and it's like Jiminy Cricket and Pinocchio look at you smoking playing

pool he's drinking beer I'm looking around and it's and realizing that it's just hipster prison that I'm in They're all wearing this they're all wearing You know sleeve tattoos and like shirts that they probably made at home or someone made them at home They bought it out of someone's trunk and it's like clicks of Fat girls over here a bunch of trans women Yeah over here a bunch of women with like a cockeyed stare, you know, like a thousand cock stare over here.

A thousand cock stare. That's how the kids describe it. Yeah, right. Not as not busting, I don't think. Yeah. But that's what it was. It was hipster prison. I gotta get out of here.

We're smoking and I know I'm not allowed to drink here cause I've been in trouble. I know places where I'm not allowed to drink. I gotta get out of here. This is, we're all, we're smoking and I know I'm not allowed to drink here because I've been in trouble. I know places where I'm not allowed to drink. I know it right away. Okay. If I'm standing there- This is a bar though. Yeah, but it's outside. Outside. On the street. I know you're not allowed to drink outside

of the street. No, no, no, no, no. But not now, not as slow. It's a fabric of society, it's falling apart. Yeah. Whites and blacks shooting dice together, drinking on the street six guys in dresses

You guys live like this It wasn't it wasn't always like this, you know, I noticed the only genetic women here are as big as a fucking house. Oh God, what a fucking world. Big fat woman asked to buy a cigarette off me. I said, you don't have to buy a cigarette. Well, she goes, well, you can use these quarters to play those video games inside. I said, you fucking fat, you beautiful fat whore.

Get a, you give me that fucking, here's your cigarette. Give me that quarter. And I did. I'm participating in a full on cigarette economy in hipster prison. Right down the street. Yeah, there you go. It's prison. You should have lit up a chicken wing and passed it to her.

Here you go, Tubbo, take this. Yeah, great debate, I thought. Really good. Everyone brought their A-game. The post-debate meltdown was phenomenal. Oh, man. You guys know he has dementia, right? Like, you guys know if you pump a dementia patient full of Adderall, that's only gonna work like 75% of the time You just guys just rolled the dice too off too much You guys do this, right? I think the operatives gaslit the rest of the fucking party

Obviously sure sure sure I'm not sitting on going. Oh, yeah. No Trump's the most honest man in the world. I know he's fucking lying I don't give a shit. I like it. He's less likely to shit his pants. Yeah. Oh If only the Democrats had had a open primary yeah, it really sucks when your elections get stolen from you, huh? It's a real fucking shame, isn't it? They did everything they could to ensure that Hillary was heard. They love to do like... They love to steal elections.

Yeah, that's true. Especially from themselves. They tend to not give a shit what the populace thinks. Guys, you're preaching to the choir. I know. They stole it from Bernie. They stole it. I know that they stole it from Bernie. They said they stole it They I know that they stole it. I'm that's what we've been saying. They stole the election from you, too Don't you get it? They don't um, it's not about the people like with

political parties like I mean, it's and especially the Democratic Party right now. It's like no, this this is our, we've decided amongst ourselves, like, this is the guy. It's like, you guys. Yeah, stole it. You guys need to start planning for 2028. That's what you need to start planning for. I love it. Oh, we gotta get, we gotta get,

we gotta get, what's his face? Okay, Gavin Newsom in there. The guy, and then Adam Carolla just gets out. Hey, Gavin Newsom, why did you close the beach during COVID? Like, okay, he's done. Right. So you can't sell him to the rest of the country and at this point.

California is fucked, are you serious? They don't have anybody they can replace him with. Trump would eat him. He's like a little boy. Look, you can't sell Gavin Newsom to the rest of the country. You could Gavin Newsom to the rest of the country. You could sell Ronald Reagan to the rest of the country. He was a Republican out of California. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway. All right, let me make sure I got the... That was great. I don't

think even he knows what he's saying. I thought we lost you, bud. I thought we had lost you, Trump. And there you are. I think it was honestly incredulous. And I was like, like, well, like, You can move Jerusalem to fucking Washington, D.C. I don't give a fuck after that one. I don't even really want to make fun of this. It's kind of sad.

The mic cutting helped him, I think. Yeah. Because he wasn't such an asshole. Oh, no, I know, yeah, for sure. Because women hate getting, women hate, they hate, they hate, they hate three things. Okay. No, two things.

They hate water. I hate three things, yeah. They hate you having fun. They see you having fun, they've fucking meltdown. But I think that's more related to the, a lot of things are wrapped up in one, in that they hate water, they don't like it. They hate water. You said this before think that's more related to the a lot of things are wrapped up in one and that they hate water they don't like it hate water you hate getting wet. You said this before that's hilarious. They don't want you to know about this they're like

vampires well no I've been on you know rides with water rides with hate it no they they all of a sudden out of their out of their pocket they they bring a trash bag out that's been folded 37 times yeah he brought you prepared for a trash bag you didn't you didn't bring any money though. Forgot your wallet though, didn't you? I had a bad day. I've been having a bad day all week. Yeah, I hear that. And I found out why. I've been having a bad day all life. A worse day. I've been having an uncharacteristically bad day. Okay. Every day this week. There you go. Because every day this fucking week, the water heater's been shut off. Gas has been shut off. Why? I gotta go outside and restart the turn off the

earth. We have in California, we have earthquake sensors for our gas, our natural gas. Yeah. Our pro- natural gas to the house, right? Yeah. Is that what it is? It's propane, right? No, no, it's not propane. Natural gas. Yeah. Propane is always like a tank, you know, you have a tank. Yeah. What is it then? What's it? Natural gas. What's the gas though? I don't know. You should know that.

I know, yeah. So you gotta go out to the earthquake detector. The earthquake hits, the earthquake detector shuts off the gas, right? Right. That's something that we didn't need a big organization to tell us that. People are, people are just, you know, I'm saying we don't need this. Now that, now that the federal government, now that judges have to start judging things, liberals are having a meltdown because they can't just make an org, they can't just make

agencies and then cram fat women and DEI and you know, and cram their buddies in there. It's like, I don't know what happened. I don't know why the EPA is doing all this crazy shit. Well, you know, better luck next time. Oh, yeah, we'll see. I don't know why the SEC doesn't let you guys do any crypto stuff. I don't know. Well, there's no law against me doing crypto stuff. Yeah, but the SEC might sue you. Yeah. Well, that's not really it's not how the system works. You're supposed to have a law about stuff. It's not just Gary Gensler tells you what you can and cannot do. That's not how the fucking system works. Well, if only there was something if only there was something you do about it. Yeah, right. Oh, there is

now there is fucking now. What was I saying? Oh, yeah, so we got this... They're off tripping out like nothing like everything's gonna be like Mad Max because these these giant agencies can't just arbitrarily tell you what to do anymore. It's fucking crazy. Give us money. Right. So the earthquake sensor shuts off the gas. There's an earthquake. You got to go out stick screwdriver in it and and give a little tweak to reset it. Got it. And almost never happens. Got it. And almost never happened.

Is it ever on the side of your house? Yeah, it's on the side of your house. And these things almost never fail. It's been failing every day. Wow, every fucking day. Oh great, how much is this gonna cost, right? If it's broken? Yeah.

But worse yet, have a cold shower every day. Yeah. She wakes up, we wake up, she showers, then I go to shower, freezing cold. Because she used the water. Yeah, there's exactly one tank of water in there. Okay. So she goes, girlfriend goes,

oh, you're never gonna believe this. I got this amazing footage. Last night, I was awake and the dog starts going nuts, barking, so I loaded up the security cameras and I caught a bunch of coyotes walking by the house. Yeah. And I said, wait a minute, let me see it. Yeah.

The fucking coyotes have been walking and jumping on the earthquake sensor every night and turning off the gas. Are you kidding? No. Why would they be jumping on? Because the fucking gardener moved a bunch of shit around and like blocked off, probably trying to block off coyote access, but is like making them jump on the earthquake sensor

to get through the house. So I went out and moved all this shit so they could just walk through like normal, like normal human beings. Like you fucking, ah ha! That's hilarious. Ah ha! Packs of coyotes trying to cost you money. Yeah, packs of coyotes.

Unbelievable. Boink, boink. Oh, you cocksucker. That's hilarious. Um, I forget what I was talking about though. Slowpocalypse. Here's, um, here's a Maddox. Oh, getting wet.

Three things women hate. And the big one that they hate is feeling stupid. And they project that onto, they don't like anybody getting embarrassed. Like anybody, they hate it. So Trump, embarrassing Biden and picking on him for being stupid, that would have turned off, that would have turned off women voters more than abortion. That would have turned off 100% of women voters. Yeah, maybe so.

Trump's not making fun of Biden for sounding dumb and saying dumb things and not knowing what he's talking about. That's a woman's fucking worst. Those are a woman's worst fucking nightmare. So they see a guy, even if it's another guy, they're putting themselves, because they sound dumb. They don't know what they're saying all the time. Fuck up. So they go, go oh I can't watch this so cutting off

his mic helped because he wasn't doing that as much right then he gave the I don't even know what yeah I don't think he knows what he's saying yeah women are like oh that's so nice I wish my husband would say it like think she knows what she's saying. You know? Uh, this is uh... What is this? Maddox is still going. He's still going. Um, Maddox says, that reminds me. I don't know, apropos of nothing.

That reminds me. Happy Pride Month from Patreon and Patreon Support. He added, he tweeted at both of them. I love that you support your creators and stand behind them. Speaking of, any chance you'll use this artwork for an official shirt, Jack Conte? He's going up against fucking Patreon again. He's still going directly at Patreon and Patreon support and Jack Conte, of all people. Amazing.

And it's a, he's attached an image of someone named Pien Wienerstein. I don't know who that guy is, maybe a fan. Okay. I'm with Dick. And it says new shirt. And it's a hee-hee silly drawing of a big guy in a, and the shirt says F slur punching shirt,

but it's using the actual word. Right, so he's, when he is punching certain people, he's wearing that shirt. Yeah, a shirt that says certain people punching shirt. Yeah, got it. New shirt, right? No one, no one would, Sean, I would never make a shirt that said F slur punching shirt. No, Obviously not.

Hahahaha! So Maddox says, you know, Maddox is trying to get me banned, like always. Like fucking Wile E. Coyote. He says, I love that you support your creators. Any chance you'll use this artwork for an official shirt? And it's a, it's me making a joke, like, because the shirt's so offensive, right? Yeah. And then he attaches this. He says, I love, he's still going,

Maddox says, I love how Patreon always supports their creators. Any chance you'll wear this on a shirt, Jack? Now Maddox- Jack Conti. Jack Conti. Now Maddox has, weirdly, he took the, instead of making it,

he's made a fake shirt for Jack Conti, like Photoshopped. He's weirdly, he loves Photoshopping other men, which is a bizarre behavior. He's Photoshopped the shirt that he's alleging I would make onto Jack Conti. However, Maddox thinks the joke is that the entire image would be a shirt. Do you see?

And not just the F-slur punching shirt phrase. The new shirt would be F-slur punching shirt, and you would wear that. Yeah. That's the joke. Right, instead of a picture. Not the image of a guy wearing F-slur punching shirt punching an F-slur.

Right. That's not the joke, Maddox. No, because that guy right there, nobody knows who that guy is. It's supposed to kind of look like you, I guess. I mean, it's a guy, muscular guy with long hair, right? Yeah. This looks like a generic macho asshole. Yeah.

You didn't even have a mustache. No, you're exactly right. But the joke is, EFsler punching shirt as a shirt. It's not a shirt of a guy wearing EFsler punching shirt punching an EF punching an F slur bad eggs you autistic fucking idiot You're not wearing you're not wearing like a you know A known band shirt or something where there's pictures of people on your shirt, and you're a person wearing it This is yeah, that's that's a stand-in. That's an illustration of what the shirt would say that you wear.

New shirt. It's the shirt of the guy in this cartoon. Not the entire cartoon. Yeah, what's the cartoon? I've never been made. It's the only drawing of its kind in the world. Maddox. He's famous though.

You fucking idiot. You complete fucking idiot. It's so. It's like, what do you think of this shirt? And it's a guy wearing an I'm with stupid shirt pointing at another guy. That's the new shirt I'm selling. I'm with stupid. It's like two guys. One is dumb looking and the other guy is wearing a shirt that says I'm with stupid and has an arrow pointing to the other guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. God damn, that's so funny. Yeah, he doesn't know. Hahahaha! It just happens with everything he does. He's so stupid. Alright, let's see what else. Do I have another Maddox thing? Amazing.

I got Riley's body cam footage. Really? Yeah. Oh yeah, here he goes. Here he goes. Here he goes. He's, Maddox is arguing with people about how he's not obsessed, about how I'm obsessed with him. Right. Um, oh yeah, because I said I've always defended Nick Fuentes, and I always will, and I like him. Um, he says, I've written a book, made three podcasts, created a TV show, made two documentaries, and continue to make content. Meanwhile, you simp for a Nazi sympathizing alcoholic and

a cokehead. Also, you know the insult is good when you cram an also in there. Also, what exactly is ad hominem about what I said? Uh... Hmm... Uh... What did he say? I don't know. I don't see the original quote reference. Are you disputing that he's a Nazi sympathizer? That's a lot of... He's written a book? Yeah.

Okay. Eight years, he's written a book. Three podcasts. Is the third one the Godzilla one? I guess so. Well, what else? The best debate, the Godzilla show. Did he have another one? Is he counting the biggest problem in the universe, the original?

I was thinking the other day, how funny it is that you're doing the biggest problem in the universe. Like that you have that, the biggest problem in the universe. Like that you have that... the biggest problem in the universe. It's so funny to me. Some people, it's so funny that some people I think can't even wrap their heads around it. Yeah, I just, it just hit me the other day. It's like the biggest... Well I own it. Because he's always... everything's in the universe. The best in the universe. It's like the biggest problem in the universe. It just literally just took exactly the title.

Because it wouldn't have been funny to change like one word. You know? Show makes a lot of money. Yeah. Wow, so yeah, so three, two documentaries. What documentaries? Well, obviously he's- It's a cacument obviously, that's one.

Is he counting the Justin Wang I Don't Like New Metal as a documentary? Maybe. Bro, what? I don't know. How is that a documentary? I don't know. Well, now he's... I mean, he's like this fucking thing... Would you call that a documentary? It's like a guy

complaining about other guys that he doesn't like. Is this show a fucking thing that... Is this like a guy complaining about other guys that he doesn't like? Is this show a documentary? God. Two documentaries? And continue to make content? Wow. When's that happening? Right.

Uh... Well, there you go. There's the Maddox stuff. I really wish you would just not continue to be so obsessed with him. Just maybe just give it a break. You're going to need a third documentary, I think. I don't think the two are.

I think you need a whole. I think you're going to need another documentary, Maddox. I've said a lot of really wild shit since you started making the first documentary. Well, that's true. He's always going gonna be catching up. It's like the it's like the the record industry with file sharing and stuff. It's put ourselves you know 10-15 years behind the times. It's like...

Oh man. I mean just in the last like two in the last weeks, you don't even have anything about Nick Riquette is fucking drug arrest. How is that a real documentary then? He's gotta keep doing updates. Yeah, he's gotta become like a super obsessed documentarian for my life. He's gotta get into Ralph stuff, you know. Till you go to prison. Till I go to prison.

Right, he shall work tirelessly. Oh man, we gotta get Riley and Nick, Riley especially, but Riley and Nick have to get out to prison. Right, he shall work tirelessly. Oh man, we gotta get Riley and Nick, Riley, Riley especially, but Riley and Nick have to get out of prison. They have to skip jail. Wait, well, oh, I gotcha. Free Riley.fund, they have to not be, you know, put in jail.

Yeah, yeah, well, yeah, jail, yes, I agree with you. Riley needs like, he needs like at least, he needs at least 10 grand for his fucking lawyer. Probably 15. Yeah, boy, talk about, I mean, it's like getting a DUI, it's like getting, I mean, any of that shit, boy, it's, you're talking, is there anything, if you get in like trouble with the law, is there,

how often can you get away with paying less than five figures? Almost never, right? I don't know. I mean like- I mean, can you do your, can you like represent yourself? Almost never, right? I don't know. I mean, like- I mean, can you do your, can you like represent yourself? When all's said and done, and fees,

I mean, it's gonna cost you 10 grand or more. Yeah. I remember somebody telling me that like 20 years ago that like a DUI basically ends up costing you 10 grand. 10 grand, yeah. Or about that, maybe it's more now. When all's said and done classes fucking fines Whatever you yeah

Here is here's some Riley body cam footage. It's it's it's pretty it's pretty remarkable the body cam footage null Null thought that Riley got pepper sprayed Yeah, he invented this idea that Riley was arrested and got pepper sprayed. He did not. It's in secret. Oh. No. Um, but he, when he took his mug shot, his eye, one of his eyes was closed. Yeah. So Noel got really, really amped up.

He must have been assaulted in some way. Yeah, he just has like dry eyes, you know. He's just got, some people have dry eyes. Some people have heat allergies, some people have dry eyes. So it's just like this. I mean, it looks totally, it just looks totally normal. Yeah. And it's like three in the morning, you know.

So Noel went out of his way to get this body cam footage. And miraculously, it proves conclusively that not only did Eric July call the police, pressure the bar owner to call the police, as I've been saying, he also knew about the warrants that Riley had. Oh, so. So Eric, Eric July. Just good reason to. Lied about what was happening to the police

to get the warrants. Yeah. And then held onto this info, told Riley to pull up, you know, threatened him to kill him online. And then. Got them to show up knowing they would run his Information and find the outstanding warrants told the bar owner to go tell them that Riley has a warrant Which the bar owner says it's really really really crazy behavior

So now I'm fighting with the whole the whole grift the whole grift is fear all of them big time The whole grift, the whole griftosphere, all of them. Big time. The griftosphere. Big time. And they chose this week to all defend a guy who admitted to grooming a minor. So it's been a good week for me. Who are they defending?

This guy called Dr. Disrespect. Okay. He got fired from like a $10 million Twitch contract. Really? He's a huge, huge star, right? And he got fired one day for no reason. And he said, I don't know why I got fired. And then everyone's like, okay, so obviously you're trying to fuck a underage girl. That's why they don't really fire you for anything.

So then a Twitch mod said, yeah, it's because he was trying to fuck an underage person. Oh, that. And then everyone's like, no, no, no, this guy's lying. This guy's lying to fuck him over. All these, the quartering, all these guys are like, outrageous, outrageous that one of these guys would defend a conservative man with a wife and a kid of grooming anyone. The LGBTs and the gays are the groomers.

The LGBTs and the gays are the ones grooming people. So a conservative married guy. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, these guys call, they've called probably everyone on the planet a pedophile twice. They just, they wake up and call people pedophiles. So then the guy released a giant press release,

like angrily. And right in the beginning says, "'Were there inappropriate conversations with a minor?' "'Yes.' "'But fuck you, I'm not going anywhere.' "'Oh, okay'm not going anywhere. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. It always cracks me up how-

What are you talking about? Some people think that only the other side is capable of certain behavior. They base their identity on it. What are you guys talking about? Your crazies are just as stupid and crazy as the other crazies What they're crazy about Important than yes Priority then they're fucking politics. No long as that long as their side wins

that the long as their side wins. The end justifies the means, as long as my fucking religion wins. As long as Christianity defeats Islam. Or whatever. No, Christianity's got the pedophiles! No, no, you about to. Don't worry. Yeah. And what makes it bad is that you got so many people who would defend it.

Oh! That's what makes it, that's, do you guys not understand what makes it bad? Yeah, it's an age of, don't confuse me with the facts. You know. Where'd you get this idea? Well he said it. He said he had an inappropriate conversation with a minor. Well he was coerced, or somebody else wrote it.

He didn't write that, his account was hashed She could have been 17 well that's that's still bad, but he didn't say that so it makes me think that It was a 13 year old boy actually because he didn't say girl either And I know how important being straight is to you fucking weirdos. You know what it said girl. There was a girl Possible ah you guys are never ha ha ha ha. It's possible. Ah! You guys are never gonna live it down. It's possible. Well, they'll just.

Never. I think they'll just redirect that frustration at somebody else who they're allowed to, you know. But I will be there every day. I know you will. Reminding them. Right. Bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup,

you know? Because those who don't learn from the past. Who's very badgin' that, who's very badgin' that, who's very bad, like, ah, mm. But I will be. You can play some of the. God damn. Play some of the.

Greatest day of my fuckin' life. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. You see, it's all thanks to the medallion. See what happens to me Yeah fucking federal branch of the government is annihilated Shits himself on television. I don't know if I trust that thing. I told I told no I was gonna harness the power Fucking told you guys! That fucking thing. Okay, let's see this body cam footage. We got a couple of clips of the body cam footage.

So, yeah, so we went and talked to him. I told him to stay off my area, which goes all the way to the corner line where... That's the bar owner. That's what I thought. You're. I told him to stay off my area which goes all the way to the corner line where it says. That's the bar owner. That's what I thought. Yeah, you're allowed to tell people to stay off your area. I remember we saw him on camera where it's like, well you just have to go over there. And he's like, okay, no problem. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. And they're like, giving me divorce from those public side projects and all that shit. So, got their phones out filming, screaming, doing all kinds of crazy shit. So, just kind of left left it at that point. The guy, I was going to say, apparently there's a warrant out for his arrest. See that?

He said the guy's name is Riley, there's a warrant out for his arrest. Eric told him that. Eric's the only one who would have known. That's the bar owner. Well, oh. Eric July is the one who knew his name. The bar owner said that. Yeah. Yeah, there's his name. Yes, yes.

Thank you. Thank you. The cops... Did I text you or did you read my fucking mind? Holy shit! The fucking amulet! Hey, Dick. What? I think she's a keeper. Yeah, yeah, because the cops would know that if they ran his information, but the bar owner would, where's he going to get that information? Yeah. What does he have? Like a warrant superpower?

He just knows who has warrants and who doesn't? He could very well have an amulet. I mean, can you believe that? Yeah, he's got a warrant. Oh, there's only, only Eric July would have known about that. Yeah. he's got a warrant. Oh, hi, there's only only Eric July would have known about that. Yeah, show me that again. There's a warrant out for his arrest. That's the cop talking though, right? No, no, no, this is the bar. This is the security guy at the bar. Oh yeah these two yes yeah sorry every time like there's always a glare right in the middle of the

there here oh thanks you can see that yeah and it's the one in the knows his whole name that's the yeah he knows his full name who's the other guy just talking there uh there i know this guy works for the bar. Well, we saw we saw I remember seeing him in the the other Footage where he told Riley had to go over there. He seemed like the guy at least in charge of the bar He's yeah, he's in charge of it. I don't know if this guy's the owner or not, right? He gives me bar standing there listening. Yeah Talking about how someone says he's gonna kill him. It's not hard. They're all upset at me.

And I just said, well, I can get them off my glass. They're all upset at me. Yeah. Who? Who's they? Eric's people, right? Yeah. Yeah. Who else would you be, who else would be upset at you? All upset at you, yeah.

They're all upset at me, so I called the cops. All upset at me and here's his full name and that he has a warrant. Yeah. No, it's the most, seems like the most likely scenario. Riley's gotta get out. Yeah, that's- Free Riley.fund. How'd they get the body cam footage?

I guess you can just ask for it. Really? I don't know, Noel got it. Oh, well you know. Should pay him back. This is great evidence. I mean, seems to be. Eric Shly called the, Eric Shly got a warrant, called cops, Eric Shly got a warrant,

and then bullied the bar owner into calling the cops. Well, if I'm a- And told him that Riley has a warrant. Yeah, well, how else, how else would they know? You think they got, he's got access to police records, either of these guys? You know, pull it up.

It took us days to get that info. Let's see just who this guy really is. Officer, I've done your work for you. That guy with the cape. Oh, Riley is it? But I can't, you can pump the sidewalk. Yeah. Okay, do y'all want them criminal trespass?

So pretty much what will happen is we'll tell them to make them trespass and they come back to your property again and they will be arrested. Yeah, okay, yeah. We'll get them criminal trespass. Cops black. Yeah. I, OK, yeah. We'll get him criminal justice. Cops black.

Yeah, I think so, yeah. Let's see if I have another one. All right, played that one. Uh, strange, all right. Careful he doesn't shoot himself. Ha ha ha ha. Does the blazing saddles. Takes himself hostage. Don't move. Don't move. Get in the squad car. Does the uh, does the blazing saddles take some self-hostage?

Don't move! Get in the squad car. Oh yeah, that's the other camera. That's better angle. Yeah. God damn. What, a little bitch? That little manjina is, Eric? Little fucking bitch manjina?

I don't know, you know. Riley's lucky it's not 2008. What a hero, listen to that. fucking bitch man, John. I don't know. You know, Riley's lucky it's not 2008. What a what a hero. Yeah. Yeah. Can I get handcuffed on camera? The driver of that vehicle this morning is a black man. So he gets me out, right? When you're in your car. Yeah, but it's a crowd source. It's like a crowd.

We don't have any other description. I think he was wearing a black shirt this morning. Oh, OK. I understand. Matt, get black shirt this morning. He was a black man. Oh, okay, I understand. Matt, get this off! Hold on, no, just wait. Can I get handcuffed on camera? So they know I got handcuffed?

My brother! He's standing there having a... The cop is having a serious conversation with a guy dressed like that. That's a fucking amazing... ...ask him to produce his arrest. Hey, do you think you could... Yeah, can you walk me- can you like walk- perp walk me over there? Yeah.

Uh, well I can't stop- oh, okay, yeah, that's good! Good energy! Bring that energy into the arrest! He's uh, yeah. He's not losing sight of the big picture. Oh, he has his eyes on the prize. Yeah, pretty good. He really does. Oh man, got too many guys going up- too many guys dealing with the law here, Sean. It really does. Oh man, got too many guys going up. Too many guys dealing with the law here, Sean. Too many guys.

Let's see here. Dad's kill a newborn, that's okay. Let's see what that is. How long have I been talking already? An hour? Fudge. Oh yeah, this is a good one. CBS News.

I think they've kind of, I think they lost, I think they forgot how to, forgot how to do elections. They forgot how to like do like yellow journalism. They've been relying on the cheating for so long that they forgot how to do their business of lying and manipulating. This was a CBS News article that says, obviously they're shitting on Trump, and they say Trump's plan to deport immigrants could shrink the labor force, creating more competition for US workers and pushing up wages.

Also adding to inflationary pressure, economists warn. Yeah. It could push up wages, economists warn. Is that what the word was that you guys, are you sure that's the word you wanna use for this article? Right. Economists warn that US workers could have

higher wages if you deport all the illegal immigrants. Is that the fucking opinion that you're running with? Did the economists say that they warned you or did you add that? Who the fuck is writing this? When you talk to the economists, did they say, I warn you, that deporting all the competition for US laborers, I don't think they would have said that. This is a possible scenario with these policies. You know what I'm fucking talking about? Who put the warn on there? It could increase the US legal workers. their wages could go up. Oh shit. Sounds like I better get the warning out there

Why don't you fucking kill yourself? That's funny Oh with that's I mean that's gonna mean people have more money to buy more things and that could make things more expensive Oh, I mean, I guess I don't really that's just like normal economy. That's Are you warning you want me to warn everybody? No, it's not a warning I'm just telling you that that's how that's how supply-side economics work. Oh, do you mean trickle-down? No, I mean supply-side economics, which is always what it's been called You guys made up that trickle-down shit You guys made up the trickle-down shit after the last guy that tried to fix everything,

actually, to fuck him over. There's no such thing as fucking trickle-down. Reagan never said trickle-down. You guys made that up. Yeah, sure. To fuck people over. Yeah. It's like late-term abortion, like that has no meaning in the medical community.

They say late-term pregnancy, but like there's late term abortion because and they always like the side, the anti-abortion advocates always change the number of, well they make up arbitrary things like it's like, where is it? All they have to do is shut up. I can't believe, when Trump started talking about abortion,

I was like, okay, here goes the election. I was like, oh my God, he did it. He did it. He said something totally, he said something that 80% of America agrees with. Oh my god, what's happening here? This fucking mic shutdown thing's the greatest thing that ever happened in this country.

Trump, well, you know, everyone wanted the states to be able to run it, so I did that. That's true. Oh my god, it's true. He didn't say anything about murder or pro-life! Wow! Who's running this man? Who's running both of these men? I need to know. Is it their wives? Bring their wives out here. Let their wives debate. Because that's who's obviously... I want Trump's wife running it. I know Biden's wife's running it. Um, yeah, there you go.

Warren. Warren, yeah, that's very funny. Oh no! Oh shit, higher wages? What are we gonna do? Oh no! You mean like... I love being stressed out all the time trying to... I'm gonna have a choice. Eatin' Slim Jams from 7-Eleven.

Who I get to work for? I could negotiate? Yeah. Because I don't have fucking ten illegal aliens who will work for free? Wow! Shit, I better warn my wife that, you know, inflation is gonna get worse because we have a ton of more money. Yeah. Shit!

Is that gonna happen to- are billionaires gonna have to comp- oh no, just me? I'm the only one that's gonna have Wow Whoo There we go Dads gay dads kill Newborns, okay, the feel-good story of the week newborn dies after California gay dads. I don't think that was necessary they the week. Newborn dies after California gay dads. I don't think that was necessary. California dads is fine. I mean, well, it's obvious, you know, it's probably a sight with a particular point of view. I mean, I feel like dads would do that too.

Two straight dads would leave a newborn baby in a car. I easily believe that. They were just hanging out, grab a a couple beers and catch a movie or something You know the the point is I easily believe men would fuck this up That's the point right because they're gay just because they don't really care as much about newborns I'm just I'm actually kind of I'm surprised that anybody would like fuck this up, but really yeah I mean you have you met people Yeah, I mean, it's- Have you met people? Yeah.

I could easily see this happening. Hot car for God. Yeah. A baby girl is dead after having been left in a hot car for hours by two adoptive dads. She was two months old. Jesus. Found in the back of the car in San Diego.

Oh man, it's been hot in San Diego. Where were the dads? It's outside the family home in San Diego? They were at a pride parade. They were at a maternity shoot. They were just inside, just watching how, hey, did you get, hey, is she asleep? Oh fuck, we forgot to bring her in. They left her in a car and it's an investigation.

It was later revealed she'd been left in the car for hours. Inside it was, see they're making it a gay thing, but it's just a guy thing. I mean, I don't think, like I saw three men in a baby. That was fucking chaos. Those guys were, and those were our three best guys. Right. Fucking.

The three top, yeah. Tom Selleck, Steve Gut Gutenberg, and what's- Ted Danson? Ted Danson. That's the three best guys we had for raising a kid and they still couldn't get their acts together. No. It had nothing to do with being gay.

I don't think any of them were gay. You know. In extreme heat, the human body can suffer. Oh, is that really? Huh. That's a pretty good, pretty interesting story. In their profile, they wrote that they wanted to raise healthy, responsible, and most importantly, kind adults. Well, she's kind of alive.

They told prospective birth parents they could come visit their child as often as they wished and be part of their life. At the cemetery. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha thing like a toilet refreshener that you can you're gonna what like a sticker for the urinal yeah sticker it like Dodger Stadium yes the back of a urinal and everyone can piss on ice on scrape Wow I want to see how abstract I can take it you're gonna get a warrant warrant for your arrest some dumb mother like Eric Sly's fans are just fans of this show are very smart probably the probably my but not too smart. You don't want too smart fans. Because it's like, why are you too smart?

Why are you listening to a comedy show? You should be doing space stuff. Maybe so. But the fans of Eric are dumb. Like really dumb. They should be doing space stuff. Yeah, you guys should be doing space stuff too. As in like, you know, test monkeys or something.

Like to, you know, whatever, test, shoot up in, yeah, up in space, see how long, you know. And they're like, well, Riley should have looked up if he had a warrant or not. Have you been anywhere? Do you often call places to see if you have a warrant out for your arrest when you travel? Is that a normal? I've known a lot of criminals and none of them have ever advised that or done that I don't think so

neighbors told the Daily Mail at the pair who have been together for 20 years and got married in 2008 oh isn't that right when you could get gay married yeah yeah hmm we should take we should take that back. Why? Because marriage is... Because gay marriage just puts like... Cruel and unusual. Cruel and unusual.

And gay marriage puts like... It makes marriage seem like... It puts like a happy face on marriage. Like look at all these gay guys, how happy they are. It's like, we're not. Because they're marrying guys. Okay? So that's an interesting reason. So that's... Yeah, that's because they're marrying guys. Okay. So that's, that's an interesting risk.

So that's, yeah, that's why you're against gay marriage because it raises the, it raises the opinion of marriage. Yeah. It's, it's a false. They've wanted to be married for so long. They finally got their chance. And now they're, they're still fucking other guys and doing fun stuff and partying.

Yeah, that's, they're not married then. They're just doing gay shit and the government's involved. Okay? That's not what marriage is. Marriage is misery. Yeah, it's not- Get rid of it. Call it something else. I don't- Yeah.

It seems like a nice family who wanted to give a couple kids a good life. Adding. It was an awesome month. Adding, it's a shame it didn't turn out that way. That's an amazing quote. It's just a shame it didn't turn out that way. How many neighbors do they have to interview to get that gem? Those guys left their newborn in a car?

That is a gem. Oh, what? Fuck that. That's pretty fucked up. Probably because there's two guys. I mean, women can't do literally anything else, but they don't lock their kids in a car until they're dead Right. It was you know, it's so funny I thought it would surprise me of all the things that women fuck up

That was the only that would be the only one that surprises me that if they lock the kid. Yeah woman drove her car Into the ocean like oh I could see that they're following the map. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it said turn left here. Uh-huh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, women locked their kid in the car and it died. Really? What? Trans woman? Yeah.

No woman. Yeah. That doesn't seem like something that- I'm surprised by that, I would say. Because they are always up on those PSAs about, did you know that your car can be up to 45 degrees hotter inside then oh They like yeah, but like I knew that so it's like In a car they're like who's this fucking dog?

Give me something to break the women are on top of locking shit in a car. Oh man totally totally It's you know it's I totally believe that these guys might not have thought that it could get 40 degrees hotter. I think I forgot. I don't know what they were doing. But that's... Pretty funny, either way. I wouldn't call it funny, but... Here is Tulsi Gabbard.

We shouldn't have a draft. Oh yeah, no shit. The only reason we would need a draft is cause our, okay, let's just watch it. How long is it? Two minutes? Okay. Well, first of all, we shouldn't have a draft.

At all? No, I don't think so. What if it's an emergency? Well, the fact that they're bringing this up now to me points to the fact that- Emergency, what's the- Why is a 75 year, what's the- Why is it a 75 year old man talking,

saying we should have a draft? Because he doesn't have to participate in it. What do you mean we? No, it's always- You're not getting drafted at all. It's always, it's so, I love, I love, you know who I love? I love Ted Nugent, how he's such a fucking American patriot. I'd be a fucking war fighter. It's like, dude, he straight up dodged the draft.

He straight up dodged the draft. He was, yeah, unfit for military. He was, whatever he did or said, there's various stories out there. He was classified as unfit for military service until he could get a student deferment. So he, quote unquote, wouldn't get his ass blown off in Vietnam. And like, that's okay.

Is he pro-war though? Fuck yeah. Oh he is? He goes out, fuck yeah, he's so fucking done with shit like that. I can't stand that man. Yeah. Now that you're guaranteed you don't have to do anything, you're a badass all of a sudden. Fuck you!

Even if it's an emergency. Bill, what? Where's your helmet there, buddy? What are you talking about? If it's an emergency, you don't need a draft. Okay? Right? If it's an emergency, it means I'm gonna die unless I start fighting aliens. Yeah, yeah, you start fighting.

There's no need for a draft. If you've got enough guys to round your own guys up, it's not an emergency. That the only reason we would need a draft is because our warmongering politicians are starting wars that they know the American people aren't going to support. When you look at what happened after the attack on- Well, they didn't start the war.

Well, when you look at what happened, well, you look at what happened after the attack on Pearl Harbor, thousands and thousands of people from all across the country set aside their lives and volunteered because they wanted to go and fight for freedom and security and for peace. And you look at what happened after the attack on 9-11, so many Americans like myself, we enlisted to be able to ensure the safety, security, and freedom of the American people. And so when you look, to me, it's a big red flag that they're bringing this up right now, first of all. Why do you have to sign a contract then? If it's Patriots, right? I want to go fight in a war. Hey, you signed this contract, so. We just want to make sure that you're serious about this.

Oh, no, I don't want to sign a contract. When I get, when the, when I come, I won't want to do this anymore. Right? You know, the military shit, it just never stops, man. It's just so many brave American patriots signed up and wanted to defend the country. Why'd you make them sign the contract then? Yeah. Well, you know, make sure they don't have to die. Because they're going to sober up and they'll not want to do this anymore We didn't make sure you're here for at least a specified, you know amount of time. Yeah, otherwise we'd have to pay you What are you nuts? Right? We can't we can't pay because we fight for America Make sure that in case this thing fizzles out really quick. We have you available for the next

Engagement that we have our of our choosing. Yeah, we're gonna have a lot of wars here, buddy Yeah, you know, you might not want the next one. You might not even want. Yeah, we're gonna have a lot of wars here, buddy. Yeah. You know, you might not want the next one. You might not even want this one when you learn about it. Right. You gotta sign it so we can illegally pursue you against the constitution to make sure that you do this.

We have multiple wars burgeoning around the world. See, she sounds good, but then under it, it's like, no, what you're saying is profoundly evil. But as a, you know, I've been deployed three times to different war zones. I don't want to be in a foxhole next to somebody who doesn't want to be there, first of all. That bond and that trust that exists between service men

and women who are, you know, who boats are flying is so essential. You don't want to have somebody next to you saying, hey, I don't want to be here. I don't want any part of this. Sometimes it's just numbers. Problem. Come on, sometimes it's just numbers.

Dude, is this like, is he talking about wanting to draft people to fight for Israel? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not exaggerating. Is that what he's talking about? No, I don't know if he's talking about it in a general sense. I don't know what the, you know, the preface to this conversation. I think it was October 7th, but yeah.

Wow. Sometimes it's just numbers. Yeah. I mean, that was, you know, that's the Russians and the Germans in World War II, just, hey, keep sinning about. We can't, we don't have equipment to, we're freezing to death up in, you know, we're free. Well, Germany was in Russia. That makes sense.

Oh, you guys are here and I can kill them for free? Yeah. Oh, I've been waiting for this my whole life. But it's just, I'm talking about numbers. It's like, just keep, it's Zapp Ranigan or whatever. I'm prepared to wave after wave of men to their deaths. Yeah. Sure, it's got more.

It's a numbers game. Let's save some gas. Wait till they attack America. Pretty soon they'll be they won't be able to climb over the pile of our bodies. They'll starve to death. They can't get out and go to the grocery store. It's crazy how these cocksuckers lie about the conceptions of war and danger. I honestly think a lot of the time it's because they lose touch so much with what could happen. You think so?

Yeah, some are just flat lying. Others, I don't think, realize how far from reality of somebody who's 20, like a 60-year-old is. Like, dude, you will never have to deal with exactly what is going on with a 20-year-old, you know, as it pertains to the world. Well, it's so foreign to me because, I don't know, I always just want to, I always want to really know, like, do they not realize? Because they always talk about how the world needs to be safe and we've got all these enemies and we would lose a major war.

The prevailing meme is like, we would lose a major war if we had to have a war today. It's like, do you guys understand that, do you guys understand how many guns are in America? Do you seriously not understand the concept of... Well, there's no countries close. If China floated a bunch of their guys to Long Beach and just started unloading them, do you not understand how bad that would go for them? Do you understand how many criminals and weapons we have in this country? It's totally insane.

It's all just like military adventurism. Like, we would lose a war in outer space. Why the fuck are we fighting war in outer space? I don't give a fuck about war in outer space. Just make a comic book. Yeah. Just make it easy. If we had to fight over the Falkland Islands, we would lose that war.

I don't give a shit about the fucking Falkland Islands. You know? You gotta fucking... If we had to fight a war in Israel, we would lose... You gotta love Argentina, man Angle of Vance, fuck you Really? We would lose a major war

Who cares? Okay, let's see here The Bible and the class. Oh, homeless people are over now? This is good news Man, we're hitting a lot of good news, man. The news is getting gooder and gooder. Homeless people are fucking over. Everyone finally got sick of their shit. You can now arrest breaking the Supreme Court said that cities can punish homeless people for sleeping in public

even if they have nowhere else to go? What the fuck does that mean? Well, yeah. We can't wait to arrest our way out of homelessness. Yeah, I mean, yes. Yes, I cannot wait to arrest homeless people and put them on a bus and send them to I don't give a fuck where. Just fuck homeless people.

They are fucking angry and violent, and they're always, not all of them, but one of them is angry and violent and will fucking harass women, so fuck them. Fuck all, I don't give a shit. No one fucking cares about homeless people. Arresting them is a fucking compromise. Is the-

Literally no one would care if we just killed them. Fuck you. Is society safer without homeless people? Yes. Yes, yes it is. We don't, we don't give a, women don't give a fuck. That's to the point, that's where we are right now. Yeah.

Usually it's women give a fuck and that's the problem. Guys are like, oh we've got to get rid of these guys. I know. Women go, no, no, no. We got to, you know, we can't just, we can't just kill people who play music on their speaker phone. All right, I guess we can't do that. Homeless people are now when they're going, yeah, get rid of them. Huh.

Too bad. Guess you shouldn't have, I guess you shouldn't have voted for all this stuff then. Trans women in an elevator. Oh, right. Let's see what we got here. Women taking their tops off. Ooh. Indians peoples yelling at Zoom.

Trans women on an elevator. Okay. Remember the PSAs when we were kids? Sure. Can you imagine, just try to put yourself at a... This looks like a scene out of liar liar Yell of it's a remake. Yeah Fire liar liar everybody's been real nice to me. Well, that's because you have a really big cock. I

Mean your balls are huge! I mean, Mommy. Stop cutting your dick off, asshole! He wants your legal advice! That's such a great movie. Okay, so this is a PSA. What is this? Australia? Oh yeah, okay, so this is a PSA. What is this? Australia? Oh yeah, okay. Imagine if this gym had been played when we were kids.

In the 80s. Remember there was like, this is your brain on drugs? Of course, any questions, yeah. It's a good ad, you shouldn't do drugs, it messes up your brain. Yeah, sure. You could get arrested. Yeah. I want to be a track star when I grow up, And it's a, and I believe it was a black teenager

who was running. Oh yeah. In slow motion. I want to be a track star when I grew up. Yeah. And then you see the white hand of an officer reaching. I got to double check this and grabbing him, you know, and it's like detaining him.

It's just, nobody ever says says I want to be a junkie when I grow up. Ooh, man. It's good. Drugs are bad. Pretty bad. Don't overdo it. This is what they're PSA-ing.

So we figured out all the drug stuff, right? Looks like Steve Carell on a fat suit. We don't need, you don't see drug PSAs nowadays, do you? I'm trying to think. Like, hey, how about, bro, that pill might have fentanyl in it. Yeah, oh, no, I know, yeah. I know, like dude, you could die the first time

you tried this. You could die, you literally could die. Yeah. You are playing Russian roulette. You gotta check your fucking tracks, man. Yeah. I should do the PS you are playing Russian roulette. I Should do the PSA they should hire me. Yeah. Okay. Here's I'm a huge fucking addict and I'm scared of this shit. Mm-hmm Yeah I'm trying to get high man. I'm not trying to get dead. That's a PSA I'm trying to get high man. I'm not trying to get dead. You try to get high you trying to get dead, right?

Test your drugs for fentanyl, idiot. And then it has me pissing on your grave, right? It's got somebody, it's got a swooner on. This is what drugs do. And it's like, if you don't check your drugs and you die, I will piss on your grave. Yeah. Except it's-

Do you want this man pissing on your grave? And the mom is like diving on it, diving in front of the piss to stop the piss from going on the coffin. That's just piss on her face. Oh, God. Yeah, that's a good PSA. You know, probably more effective than whatever's going on right now. But this is what this is more important. Let's see what this is. Australia.

Yeah, let's see what's more. Let's see what's the most important thing to have a PSA about. Oops, sorry. I got it. We've got a fat Latina woman in an elevator and then some kind of woman who looks... What does this lady look like? Let's blow it up. How would you describe this woman? No tits at all, a big clavicle, they can see here!

Adam's apple, she's in a lovely necklace blower. Like an undercover Muay Thai fighter? Yeah, it looks like a Muay Thai fighter. Fucking big hands. Big hands. Big hands, big ring. Angry looking. You really put a dent in your forehead with that thing.

Very angry looking. Wearing an old woman's dress somehow. This woman has probably the worst fashion sense of any woman I've ever seen. Well it's really, it's very low cut for no cleavage, you know, Tommy? Not someone a woman with no tits would wear. No, no, no. It's, you know, women know clothes, I mean, at least they used to, that like flatter, bring attention to the parts that they want.

Yeah, exactly. You want to shine, make yourself, you know, show yourself in the best light. I mean, that's what good clothes and proper dress can do. I would, I mean, right now, the way it's paused, I would think the PSA is get the fuck out of the elevator. Don't risk it. Wouldn't you think it's the-

Don't risk what? I mean, that does not look, I wouldn't, if I was a woman, I wouldn't stick around in an elevator like that with this gentleman or this lady, you know? Let's see, I think it's the little one is going to say something. Okay, let's see.

Insensitive, I'm guessing. So the lady leaves, the little lady leaves, and the PSA is, "'Trans and gender diverse people deserve to feel safe.'" Well, shouldn't the other person have, you know, walked out of the elevator? So she's so in fear. Honestly, I thought they were both trans.

I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I-

I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I-

I- I- I- of- No, I think you're reading it right, but like how, so that person feels unsafe because the other person was scared enough to run out of the elevator. So that person feels unsafe. So the person who's standing there, like that's the, safe is not the, I don't think that person would think they're in danger.

I think they might get their feelings hurt. They're like, wow, you think like, you think- That I was gonna rape think they might get their feelings hurt. They're like why you think like you Think I was gonna rape you? Yeah, that I was gonna do something just because of- Women think that all the time though. How I'm dressed? Women are always thinking we're gonna rape them. I mean that's like they're

They talk about it constantly. They invent fantasy scenarios where guys- where ghosts are gonna rape them Right? Like I'm all alone in my house. There's a ghost that's watching me and it's gonna rape them. I mean, right? I'm all alone in my house, there's a ghost that's watching me and it's gonna rape me. Like, what bitch, what are you fucking talking about? You just have this paranoia that it's legit, it's like a real paranoia, but you guys all feel it all the fucking time,

and then you blame us, you rightly blame us for it sometimes, but you have it all the time. Yeah, I think that's a part of it's, you know, they have a certain alertness that they've developed. Yeah, because they can get raped. That's the, that's part of it. Being aware of surroundings. I have a truck, I'm always aware of people

using me to get to move shit for them. You know, I'm always expecting it. Same, same thing, exactly the same thing. Well, it's similar. If somebody starts telling me about that they're going to move soon, I'm always expecting it. Same, same thing. Exactly the same thing. Well, it's similar. If somebody starts telling me about that they're gonna move soon, I'm like, I walk out of the elevator. If I'm in an elevator, someone's like, oh man, I got a big move coming up. I'm like, go out, you go out of town for about three weeks. Yeah, I gotta go. When is that? Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm busy. I'm very busy. Emergency meeting in like the middle of the country. I'm sorry. I, oh man, I just bought a new motorcycle. I'm 1700. I'm meeting in the middle of the country. I'm sorry. Oh man, I just bought a new motorcycle.

1700 miles away. I just bought a new motorcycle, but I don't know how to ride. Oh, I gotta go. Yeah. Oh, ding, now I started hearing that music. Ding, ding, ding, ding. I can't help you.

My truck. Yeah, yeah. They say, how big is your truck? I go, oh. Oh, very small. Oh, where's my truck moving whistle? Rrrrrrr. Yeah, yeah.

Kit, Kit! Get out of there. I don't understand this. Here's my truck moving whistle. Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo They walked in an elevator and they had a gun and a whole bunch of meth and their waive and shit around. Yeah, go for it. I'm sure the meth will give you great aim. Yeah. Pretend I'm the biggest parking spot in the world and hit me with that gun. But the whole unsafe, so, I could say like makes me feel... She's fucking terrified. What are they, what is this, are they trying to brainwash women to stay in places they don't feel safe in? Right. That's fucking psychotic. Yes, yes it is.

Ron, I don't think trans people really like this ad either. A giant bruiser. People don't listen to their gut. We do have instincts. It's not all, we do have animal instincts. You guys started with the racism shit and now you're going all the way with women. If you feel unsafe in an elevator, stay there.

No, wrong. Yeah, no. I don't think this is a very nice portrayal either of trans women. No, and also, look, you think like these cops, some of these shootings where it's like, this is fucking crazy, like the cops are not all psychos. They're fucking terrified

because they watch fucking sensationalized news. Yeah. They're people too. They're in some ways, in some ways, they're also victims of like brainwashing. And it's like they literally in the moment might have so much fear, they are sure that this guy's gonna fucking,

they're sure that a fucking acorn is a shot. I mean, they're not hyperventilating over fentanyl because it's real. Like they just heard about how dangerous fentanyl is If it is anywhere in the air they touch it. Yeah, it's not a real thing. Yeah, they're either obviously easy to manipulate Okay, let's see here Yeah, I got a bunch of this Uh, yeah, I got a bunch of other stuff, but whatever. Woman alert. Oh.

Woman alert. Hey, Dick, looks like a woman alert. This is from Jim. Thanks, Jim. Woman alert, fat watch. What, both? Hashtag groomer. All rolled into one. Two female teachers. Clearly not math.

Invite one male student over for a foursome? Exactly how fat well Yeah, wait a minute what two female teachers the headline is two female teachers forced to resign after allegedly trying to set up a foursome with one of their students Well, there's a another person not talked about maybe is all you can and one of their husbands or something Yeah, that's all I'm thinking. It's it's it's a clumsily word Maybe. Is all you can... One of their husbands or something? Yeah. Oh. That's all I'm thinking. It's a clumsily worded headline.

They're trying to set up a force and with another guy. Yeah, execution. Yeah. I could let a threesome slide. Yeah, it's like... Even though this one is... The takeaway is that they involved a student.

This one's too fat to be... This one's too fat to be fucking kids. Look at this. Come on, man. You're gonna fuck that kid up. Eh, eh, eh. Shouldn't be doing it either way, but this size... This is the worst crime. Bigger crime.

Siku says, In the most recent TDS episode, you said you took off the regulator to your shower, but the flow was too strong. You can control it with one of these. I use it on my shower. This guy sent me a... It's a dial you can put to control the regulator in your shower. Cool. Man. We're taking it back. We're taking the country back. Yeah, yeah. That's one shower at a time. Yeah, can we do that? We have a class action lawsuit against the EPA or whomever.

Yeah. Do you know how that decision works that they repealed? Can we do that? We have a class action lawsuit against the EPA or whomever. Oh, yeah Do you know how that decision works that they repealed? Literally for 60 years or whatever It's the EPA was started under Nixon in the 70s But the this the Chevron thing that they repealed the Chevron. Yes this decision Yeah, they repealed. Uh-, said if the government sets up an agency that's tasked with whatever, and the agency says to do this,

then we gotta defer to them. Yeah, right. Which is fucking retarded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like the SEC has been saying for the last 10 years. And those people are appointed people. Like that's the, yeah, that's the thing. There's a lot of bureaucracy that is just appointed

and then they just decree. So Congress, so they know they can't make things illegal because they would lose their job, right? Like Congress can't go, well, Bitcoin's illegal. So you're like, okay, you're all at it. You get an agency to, it's like plausible deniability. I'm like, well, they said, I mean. Well, we put the SEC in charge of regulating securities. Okay. Who'd you hire to run it?

A guy who hates Bitcoin. Yeah. I hate security. Okay. No. Yeah. Oh, okay. Huh. You put that little layer in there. So stupid people don't know what you're doing. Yeah. That's the problem. You got to take these layers out. Yeah. Okay. I really hear somebody directly accountable. Yeah. Who did this? No, I didn't do it. That guy did. Yeah. Oh, well really- She's gonna hear an issue. She's gonna hold somebody directly accountable. Yeah, who did this? No, I didn't do it. That guy did it. Oh, well, if you put me in charge of this, I'm covering my ass.

They might not be a career politician if you do that. They have to now. You know what I mean? They fucking, now they're gonna have to do some serious, now they're gonna have to make some serious fuck-ups. It's gonna be great. Daniel Thief says, the announcer off the announcer on this walk off home run is absolutely electric. Check it out. All right. Is this the A's again? I think it might be.

You know, I love I love me some A's baseball. Yeah. Nothing I like more than a well called exciting baseball game. Baseball interesting is as fun, but when you add an announcer that can capture the potentiality of the game. Riveting. It's riveting, you know? Because it's not very exciting to watch, but if they can really walk you through the story of what's happening.

Yeah. Ooh, it's transformative. I have to say the pitch clock is a good thing. The games move along a lot quicker. Yeah. Some of the other rules too. They games move along a lot quicker. Yeah. Okay. Some of the other rules too. They've all, they've worked pretty well.

I have to say. It's a walk off home run. The one of the most exciting moments in baseball. Yeah. Walk off home run. Because it's one swing of the bat and it's all over. Everything's decided. It's a huge moment. You know, it's a number one, it's an accomplishment.

You're always behind when you do it. So there's a huge moment, you know, it's a number one, it's an accomplishment. You're always behind when you do it. So there's a tension. And then you get to take a literal victory lap. And you have to. You're required by the rules to take the victory lap of your home run. You know, very exciting. Let's see how the Cardinals when was it David Frese who hit a walk off to go to get that was fucking it was a really great call by Joe Buck too. Let's see how this one holds up. He starts. Here it is here's the guy

at bat here's the pitch you got it. Bladay swings and hits it to left field I meant right field and it's above the wall. Oh my god. It's a four base hit. And the athletics will win. Is that real? So Bleday gets the walk off and he sends the fans home smiling. I don't think that's. You don't think that's real?

No, it sounds like her voice. Is it AI? I don't think that's real. You don't think that's real? Since the fans home smiling. She got the field wrong. I meant, right, yeah, I don't think. You don't think that's real?

I don't think so. Oh man, how many comments does that have? A hundred thousand likes. I don't know, Sean. I don't think something fake would get a hundred thousand. That's gotta be AI. I think it's gotta be. You think that's fake? Yeah, it's just

Yeah, it's it's it's too bad even for her, I think. Probably AI. Fucking deep fake bullshit Intervention guy response. Hey Dick and John. In response to that intervention guy whose dad is an alcoholic. Oh, this is not the intervention guy This is a response to him. Yeah, this guy knows how to do it. Yeah, I gave shitty advice I guess okay in response to that intervention guy whose dad is an alcoholic Maybe the family should look at themselves as the cause they're all over 20. Yeah, no Buddy yeah, is this the first email you've ever what you talking about? Spoken like the truly clueless. You know what I like to do? I like to get out in traffic.

I like to get out and say, why are you so upset? Look what you made me do. See he grew up getting punched by his dad. This guy? Yeah. I made him do that. Yeah.

It was my fault. They're all over 20, living with their parents with no jobs. One of them is trans, oh boy. Yeah. There's plenty of worse things to be, whatever your political persuasion is, there's plenty worse things to be than trans.

Don't worry about it. And I heard he left a baby in the car. They should be happy he didn't swallow a bullet instead of some liquor. Oh, you're defending the alcoholic? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, I won't even do that. If the sister is 29, the dad must be in his 50s,

nagged by his wife for 30 years and having to be the main breadwinner. Just thinking about this situation makes me wanna have a drink. Show your dad a good time once in a while. He'll feel like a human. Yeah, he won't drink at all. Solves everything.

Regards, Xander. Some men don't want to have a good time. They want to be angry. Yeah. And you know what? And most of them have no idea what they're actually angry about. No, it's dragons, big windmills that they really despise.

So they watch angry shows, watch angry things with angry guys, telling them, giving them lies about what's happening. The trans shit's just too much for me. All the trans hate. That's why I love this doctor disrespect thing so much, because all the people who are the biggest, the biggest promoters of gay and trans hatred

are breaking their backs, defending a guy who's an admitted groomer of kids. But it's... I don't even like saying the term hypocrisy, because you would say it every two and a half seconds. It's just evil. Like, what are you guys doing? Yeah.

Can't you... It's just evil. Like what are you guys doing? Yeah, yeah. Can't you? It's such like... It's like, I can't even call it intellectual cowardice. It's just cowardice really. I mean, where it's like, dude, like you... It's not intellectual at all. Yeah, not at all. Yeah. Why can't you just... Because it's your side. That's more important. Don't say anything, which is what he should have done in the first place.

Twitch paid millions of dollars to cover this up. It's fucking weak as fuck. And then everyone's like, well, we need to see evidence. You know, you can't just jump to a conclusion. It's not court out here, man. It's about, it's just like looking at a fucking creep and keeping kids away from you. I'm sure you waited for evidence

in all the cases you jumped on. Right, exactly. Yeah, sure you did. You guys have called Vito a pedophile for two years because we're having more fun than you. I'm sure you waited for evidence in all the cases you jumped on. Right, exactly. Yeah, sure you did. You guys have called Vito a pedophile for two years because we're having more fun than you. That's what it boils down to. Fun is the...

Well, people... Everybody's miserable, so I get not liking... Not us. Not liking... Because we're having a fucking great time roasting people. Not liking to see people having fun. But you don't go after them for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're having more fun than us! I hired women to work with me and I'm having a bad time! Well, you shouldn't have done that, quartering! That was fucking dumb! I'm not allowed to do that. Why not? You could have fun, too. You can do whatever you want.

Stop crying about it. You got a ton of money. Why are you always fucking crying? I don't know. Travis says, animal corner. Okay. Oh! ["Animal Corner Theme"] Sean's Animal Corner.

Okay, let's see. Okay, hopefully this is a bit more accurate than the last one we had. Right. Uh, Sean, did you know that manatees can swim up to 18 miles an hour and have zero natural predators? Did you know that? I knew that they had no real natural predators cause they're always kind of in the shed.

They're huge animals. They live in the shallows. Give that one a ding. Kind of warm, but the, as far as like the speed, I never knew how fast they could swim. How fast did you think they could swim? Does it surprise you that they could swim 20 miles an hour? Yes, it does.

Oh, okay. It does. You got half credit on that one. Yeah, I would not think they would be that fast. Here's a follow-up. Their natural predators are boats. Yeah, I've heard that fast. Here's a follow up. The natural predators are boats. Yeah, I've heard that one. They're unnatural predators, I should say.

In the 1700s, there were stealth QR, I think he misspelled something, sea cows, that were 30 feet. Stellars, Stellars sea cows. That were 30 feet in length. And within 20 years of their discovery, they went extinct from hunting. Did you know that?

I knew about the Stellar Sea Cow. Yeah, it's S-T-E-L-L-A-R-S. Yeah, I mean, I knew they were much larger. Again, you put a gun to my head, I don't say 30 feet, but they're much larger than the manatees and dugongs that we have today. Dugong? Yeah, they're like a- Pokemon?

They're like a manatee, but they have a tail shaped like a dolphin instead Pokemon? They're like a manatee, but they have a tail shaped like a dolphin instead of a paddle, like a manatee. What? Yeah, look up manatee versus dugong. What the fuck? You'll see that they're- Manatee, manatee? Manatee has a tail like a paddle, dugong,

like a beaver almost, and a dugong has a forked tail. What the fuck is a dugong? The alternative name of a sea cow it says. What's the difference between manatees and dugongs? Oh, okay. God, what the fuck? Kind of an erotic picture. What the hell is this?

Why would they put a picture like this on this for kids? Huck-twa! Manatee, look at this. Oh man. Yeah. Put some eyes on this guy. All right. Close their nose.

Those are manatees. Those are manatees? Yeah. Okay. That's a manatee. Okay. Is that a dugong? No, those are, they look like manatees.

Dugongs live in coastal East Africa, Australia. They're like black manatees? Just show the fucking tail. These fucking things. Oh, they got a chart. That's what I wanna see with Wildfire. I have a nice chart. Jesus.

They didn't show it. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Manatees versus, I'm not watching a fucking video. Man, I hate that. Every fucking search. Dukongs have a flute.

Watch, now they're gonna have a little show. Where, here? We're gonna have one up from there. Dukongs or manatees. Every search, no matter what you want to search for, if you're like, what is the, in Rust, how do I initialize an account struct? It's like, here's a YouTube, here's a 10 minute YouTube video on the snippet of code you're asking for. Thanks. I'll copy it right out of the fucking video. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dewgongs or manatees. Oh, he's doing like a circle. There you go. Is this their cock? Oh, that's their body. Yeah, there you go. Oh, what the fuck? Okay, so there used to be 30 foot long version of these? I mean, apparently so. I know the animal. Wow.

That sucks that that doesn't exist. Okay, woman alert. Woman alert. Woman explains how she used her Mensa IQ and background in biophysics, physics nuclear physics and medicine to heal every disease with flashing colors Mmm good on television right okay? Watch from here for her. I love it when they're the the most expert of all experts in the world Is it yeah, he These fucking, this bullshit.

I wish they would invent something that only cured one thing. There you go. No? Yeah. That's when you know it's real. Does this cure everything? No. You know, as I used to say, I'm like jumper cables.

So that's what we created, kind of jumper cables to the body, but we're like jumper cables for, you know, that spark of life, that optimal light force, literally light force, life force energy to flow through us and to touch the hearts of every cell. That's my nuts, bitch. Because when you activate that light within you, it reminds you who you are, all that you are, all that you're here for, all of your access to.

How about that? And so it's spiritual science. And yes, I can go right down all the rabbit holes of all the actual physics and biophysics and quantum physics. Everybody said, oh yeah, very interesting. So I have all that background and the medical side. And I'm recognized as a doctor of natural medicine besides a biophysicist.

Doctor of natural medicine. Is this their healing light? You know, and like I said, mensa, where the brains are a little bit different. So I can go right down into all the science, but it's really spiritual. And so I was asked to create this technology. And she knows how to do her hair. Women don't get this old and still do their hair unless they were hot when they were young.

Yeah. How do we create that consciousness where we can call forth all the wisdom. This guy's going like, how do I get the fuck out of here? No, he loves this shit. I bet this is his whole channel. Let's see. Oh, is that- Lies, just like constant bullshit.

Oh, this is his channel. I think... Okay. Yeah. Jason Schirka. Yeah, well... Founder of Uni-fied healing. Oh, okay. Great. Yeah. Was born into a business real estate family after a dark night of the soul

that concluded in 23 shoulder dislocations. What the fuck? Three surgeries. So he drove drunk and got in a car wreck. After a dark night of the soul. That's what they're saying, yeah. That's the code. Yeah, after a dark, you know, my soul went dark

and I was forced to. Drive drunk. You know what? My soul went dark and I made my dad an alcoholic. After a dark night of the soul. It's my fault. I had some real personal reflection to do because I made my dad an alcoholic. Uh, what a fucking cocksucker.

After a dark night of the soul where I wrecked my Bugatti and I broke a bunch of ribs. Oh wow. Cause of depression. Nearly having his leg amputated, even in this fucking shit, they gotta lie. Nearly having my leg amputated, me too, I nearly had my leg amputated today. Yeah. I didn't though. Right.

He rose like a phoenix. I waved a family of five across, and then I almost ran them down. Like, I almost killed people today. Right there, I could have done it. Oh, I was almost raped. Yeah. I'm a hero. I almost fucked a ton of chicks. I didn't.

It was really aw- you should have been there. It was great. Almost. Um, he rose like a phoenix from the ashes. Isn't there one phoenix? Is there one phoenix? I don't know. I got to read up on that one. I think there's only one. I don't know. And made a significant life change

by following the fundamental laws of creation. Oh God. He has dedicated his mission to unifying and awakening humanity. Oh good. To a higher truth. Reasonable goals. Just keep trying.

You know, he sets reasonable goals. That's always good, you know? Attainable. Don't stop drinking and become an asshole. Don't stop drinking and become a worse person. Just go back to drinking. You know? Uh, you know?

I try very hard not to make a, if I'm in a situation where somebody like, oh, you want a beer or something like that? Oh, no, no, I'm good. I don't go. Let me talk to you about the healing light of- I had a problem with alcohol and I've been sober for 11 years and blah, blah, blah. It's like, nobody wants to, it's obnoxious to me.

This is way worse. Just, dude, just become, just turn into Christianity. Making up your own religion is even more annoying because now you have to explain it to everybody They say no, I'm super Christian now. Okay. Yeah, you want to be Christian? No, okay. Yeah, we know I understand it I don't need it explained to me right right. I'm familiar with this concept. Yeah. Yeah, I actually like the concept, right? I'm not the people right right right right y'all fucked it up, but that's... Yeah, you guys are... Not all of you. Not all of you.

Prefer it if you just keep it in the bedroom. Jason is now a world renowned author, a capitalized author. I love these... world renowned... that doesn't mean anything. You can say that. Like, really? Like, I I mean are people going to actually like you know audit around around the world like really wow this guy's respected in in India and and Pakistan and England and what like what the fuck oh he's selling like access to these dumb salad you said it all right there selling Yeah, he's selling so he is a fucking sell it you said it all right there selling. Yeah, he's selling

So he is a fucking shyster. I told you he was into this Na How do you call forth all the wisdom of our ancestors? How do we be here? Of all the prayers, oh god, I fucking hate ayahuasca people Can you imagine how dumb our ancestors were? Can you just imagine sitting through like a 10 minute conversation with one of them? Like, yeah, that's not how that works, man. Yeah, I mean, sure.

Right? Yeah. I could, it'd probably be like speaking to another language. All the promises, all the prophecies of all who have gone before us and call forth all that wisdom rather than being stuck in any old patterns or programs of old genetic damage even that's been held in the DNA or in the cell memory. How do we call forth the wisdom of all that?

And in present now, as the fully realized Christed conscious beings to walk the planet in total balance. Fucks, this is so tedious. Like, I always hope in these situations that like cancer when she's talking no just like a Mack truck yeah crashes through the house and the guy just like sits there and almost doesn't react at all like well that just happened hmm okay Wow well thanks for that Dominic people man people, man. Kevin says, hey, check out, watch me a women's sports only sports bar. Oh boy.

Wow. Are the TVs even on? It's like. Okay. Friend, merch provider, signage, guru, Steve DeWWitt hanging our temporary signage. Oh, they have a fucking guru at the... In today's bad business plan of the week. Check us out. We're happening.

Hello, watch me sports bar. Here's our awesome... Hmm. Um... You know, I don't know. Maybe women would go to this. Yeah. It's impossible to get them to go anywhere.

I know women who actually follow sports, but you know. Women's sports? Oh, oh, this is. Do they follow women's sports or they follow sports? Wait a minute, wait a minute. This is a women's only sports, women's sports only, sorry. Got it. Women's sports only sports bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Obviously, because otherwise it'd be, you gotta allow everybody in. Yeah. You know? Yeah, it's not fair. I was totally fine if it's like, oh, only women can go here? Like, I'm totally cool with that.

Like, I don't even care. There's plenty of places for me to go. I'd prefer it. Did the doors open from the inside? No? Good. Oh, that's funny. Plenty of places for me to go. But yes, they're only watching women's sports.

Got it. I mean, I kind of like that. Cause I hate all the sports on TV at bars. And if there's one thing that I know is not going to be distracting and guys won't be watching it shouting, it would be women's sports. There's one sport that I think is actually

probably more interesting. And that's women's tennis because the rallies are generally longer. Yeah. There's more because they can, they don't hit the ball as hard. Yeah. They're not as fast, but they do seem to. And they're hot. Yeah.

To say can be hot. They can definitely be hot. Like women's figure skaters. And volleyball. Yeah. Yeah. I think I like this. They can definitely be hot. Like women's figure skaters. And volleyball. Yeah, yeah. I think I like this.

But as far as like, I mean, I don't want to see them play basketball or baseball or hockey or lift weights or any of these... Softball, they get a lot of bruises out there. A lot of potatoes, a lot of grimace shaped women. Oh, and softball? You know, softball. Oh, God, man. It's just a two hour shot of some grimace shaped pitcher's ass. That's watching women's softball? You know, softball. Oh, God, man. It's just a two-hour shot of some grimace-shaped pitcher's ass.

That's watching women's softball on television. Yeah, there was only one Jenny Finch. Yeah. Remember her? Yeah, women's softball, you're disappointed to find out they're lesbians. You know? That's... I think I like this.

I hate men's sports on at bars because it's on all the time. There's always six games. There's always six inconsequential games on and guys just randomly screaming at it. That is just the most obnoxious trait to encounter at a bar. I'll give it a shot. I don't know. Okay. All right. You know, Mikey likes it. Hey Mikey. Advice. How do we not have an advice sound effect

after eight years of doing this? When is our first episode? Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. I don't know. Let me see. Wah, wah, wah, wah. I don't know. Oh June, we passed it. Yeah, oh that's right. Well I think you mentioned it. You did, yeah. A few weeks ago. Need woman advice. Why does a woman invite a friend to a date? Is that a joke?

You think? Knock knock. Why does a woman invite a friend to a date? She doesn't wanna be alone with you. Hey, Dick and Sean, I fucked up. I'm a skinny fat virgin loser. Oh man. Don't, buddy.

Don't, I Don't. Buddy. Don't. I wouldn't. Buddy, buddy, buddy. It's okay just between us here, but don't lead with that on a date. I don't want it between us here either. I'm just fucking around. Come on. Skinny fat virgin loser. You gotta work out. I met a woman around my age with possible C cups.

Do we know how old he is? 30s. He's 30s? Yeah, 34 around my age with possible C cups. She is not fat, man. This is a very- Is she skinny fat? Women are, I think they're all skinny fat.

Does she play women's sports? I think that's the point. We met twice in person at her place to play board games. I invited her to go to a park next weekend and she asks if it's okay to bring a friend. I've seen her friend before, negligible A-cups, but also not fat. Why did she invite her?

My guess is because she's not interested in this being a date. I see why you are a virgin. It sucks because I kind of wanted to date C cups. I know I messed up bad by not asking her out earlier. Is it for her safety? We already met twice. She didn't die.

Is she looking for approval from her friend? Maybe. He's already been to her place? Yeah. To, uh, play board games? What'd you play? Fucking. I mean, that's, that's, I mean, she's had him into her home. I wouldn't think a park would be, I don't know. I don't know that it's a safety thing. Maybe she's trying to figure out, maybe she brought her friend to ask her friend why this guy didn't fuck her when he's been over to her apartment twice. Or, or like, hey, can you come tell me why this guy is not-

Or can you tell, like, do you think he's gay? Do you think he's into me? Do you think he's gay? Or maybe, I don't know, like, he didn't, he didn't try anything. Can you take him aside and tell him that I invited him over to my apartment so he could fuck me?

Is that a service that he could do? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to pay with two, with more than one person? Yeah, you'd probably do it all the time. Yeah, you could talk to, you can be with five people at five, six, seven people at a time. Happens all the time. Buddy, come on, come on, come on. You can do it.

Come on. You can do it. I wake up every day and wish I was paying attention to two women simultaneously. If I had friends, I would have invited one to counter A-cups and take some pressure off. Well, don't do that. Don't start doing things because you are making weird assumptions.

Yeah. Or assumptions, don't. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like he- Don't overthink it. No, obviously that's a problem for him. You're a... Okay, you're a virgin. I can relate to overthinking, for sure. You're a virgin in your 30s, so all your thinking is wrong.

Just... Don't do it. Just go with it and react how it fucking... to whatever comes. The best thing about women with their friends is they'll entertain themselves. And then you can just come, usually when you're talking to a woman, you gotta constantly try to say something funny or entertaining, and it's exhausting.

And most of it's are bombs, right? You can't, you know, if you bat at a 300, you're doing incredible, right? That's 70% of your material that's just bad, racist, not funny. But you're probably in the Hall of Fame. Right, exactly. You got two women, they're talking to each other nonstop

and you can only drop bombs. You can say, oh, nope, I don't want to say that. Oh, nope, don't want to say that. There's no pressure to constantly exceed their expectations. You know? Yeah. Yeah. It's like a home run Derby. to constantly exceed their expectations, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

It's like a home run Derby. Just go to the park. It doesn't cost you to not say anything when there's two women. When there's one, it does. It's weird, but if there's two, you just, mm, nah, I'll swing at the next one. Mm, mm, mm.

Yeah, go to the park Yeah, go to the park. Just go to the park. Is there any way to salvage this? Yes, just go to the park. Salvage? I mean, it doesn't seem like a, you haven't wrecked the ship yet. This is called having a girlfriend.

Oh, can we go meet my friend at the park? I guess, yeah. I already said, of course she can bring her. She probably forgot that she made plans with her friend, idiot. Could be too. She didn't want to cancel on it. Most of the things women do is because they don't want to say no. They forgot that they can't.

That's a distinct possibility. I already said, of course she can bring her. I'm still gonna try to have fun out of spite. If the spite made you say yes, then keep going with spite. I don't know what that emotion is for you. I'll probably still ask C Cups out if I get a moment alone with her, or just text her, you know, the next day. But you went over, I'm guessing then he went over

to her place, there were, he doesn't say it, but maybe there were other people there. Oh, for like a board game night? Yeah, probably, because it's like, literally, like, I mean, just him and her having a board game night. Like that's, dude, that's as close to a, you're hanging out just the two of you. So they had a board game night. Like that's, dude, that's as close to a, you're hanging out just the two of you. That's a fucking date.

A board game night, and then he asked her out, and then she said... He feels like he hasn't actually asked her out. So he hasn't gone out on a date with her. Doesn't seem like it. Based on that last bit of info. It's often very difficult to decipher what... I know. When they have cum in their brain, it's hard to decipher what they're saying. Gums up the works.

I met a woman, okay. I invited her to go to the park and she asked her, she said, can my friend go? Yeah. That's normal. Women need to ease their way into, man, did you not see the whole bear thing? They feel safer around a literal bear in the woods than men.

That's right. Remember that? That's how they think about everything. Just relax. Pretend that no, and tell yourself, and remind yourself frequently that you are not getting your dick wet today. This is just something you're doing. Let the pressure

yeah release the pressure. Tell yourself. Because I know he's got a lot of shit built up. I gotta I gotta ask her I gotta find a chance to get her alone. Yeah. Let it all get it all out of your head tell yourself forget all this the scheming. Right. And planning. If you carry that in it will exude it from you like yeah even if you don't say anything like you will fuck anything, like you're gonna vibe weird. You just are. It's just a woman who's inviting another woman out on a date, what is ostensibly a date,

but she needs a chaperone because they are all thinking that they are going to be raped by ghosts. That is a permanent thing in their brain that they're always thinking. It kind of may be what we thought originally. If it's true that he was not there one-on-one to play a board game. He wasn't.

It doesn't seem like it, right? I mean, yeah. It was a game night. Yeah, there's no way. Four games for two people's souls. Yeah, because it didn't make sense that she was like, hey, I want somebody else to come to the park with me, but it's cool, you know where I live.

And like we were one-on-one playing board games. It's totally normal. It's also possible that she doesn't want, that she's thinking, I don't know if he wants us to be a date. True. Maybe I should invite a friend. Women just need their friends.

They need, they decide everything based on consensus. So it's actually good. It means, it means she wants someone else's opinion, which means she's thinking about it. Yeah. That's good for you. Look, yeah. Here, look at the bright side.

Yeah. What you don't want is her just showing up already knowing she's not gonna fuck you. She's brought another woman to see if it's okay that she can fuck you. That's the... and then they're gonna go talk and have a little conversation where they're not talking about it. So don't say anything too stupid. Don't say anything fucking crazy. I'm fucking around. Don't say... I'm not fucking. So don't say anything too stupid. Don't say anything fucking crazy. I'm fucking around. Don't say, I'm not fucking around.

Don't say anything too fucking crazy. Too edgy. Have a magnum condom in your pocket and drop it out accidentally, you know? At the end of the day. Don't let her see the packet of rubber bands that went with it. Don't call any woman a bitch no matter what.

If a woman cuts you off or does something crazy, I can't believe how rude that woman is. Don't say, what a cunt. Don't show off in that capacity. That's good advice. Don't get too angry don't get too angry. Don't show angry. Yeah, don't be angry. Don't be a don't need I know your hormones are going nuts, but it doesn't know don't drive angry here, dude. Yeah, don't worry about it You know plane has crashed into the mountain compliment her friend. Oh look at you Yeah, lovely pair of shoes that you have on.

You too, your shoes are also lovely as well. Yeah, you're building, I'm sure he's building a lot of stuff. I mean, really, the pressure of carrying all this that he opened with in the first couple sentences. Oh, God, you're right. You're right. Yeah. It's just... Bubbling over. Well, you said a couple of good, yeah, just, you're not, you're not gonna fuck her today. It's called report. It's just... Bubbling over. Well, you said a couple of good... Yeah, just, you're not gonna fuck her today.

It's called report. Yeah, just... That's what it's called. You have to have it. No expectations. Just fucking chill out. I know that's probably very hard. There are expectations.

The expectation is you're not a fucking weird spurg that obviously wants to fuck today. The expectation is that you didn't write this email. Well, hey... Be the guy who's pretending you didn't write this email. I think this emails good because we're all thinking we're all fucking we're all fucking locked in this Big charade to try to impress these fucking whores, but we have to pretend that we're not if this is how you had to get it Out then yeah, that's good. You did it in a good way. Yeah, you did But when but you have to win Be the guy be the ball. Danny you are in an interview. You're not being the ball Danny You did. But win, but you have to win.

Be the guy. Be the ball Danny. You are in an interview. You're not being the ball Danny. I would if you'd stop talking. Maybe I'll watch that today. Thank you both for your time and thank you for not killing yourselves sincerely ass face. You better write back.

I need to know how this date went. Yeah, please do. Don't say anything crazy. Don't talk about politics. They're not your fucking friend. They're women. Act accordingly. Common.

And make sure you have your keys in your fist, like Wolverine, in case the two of them try something. In case they try to rape you. Right. Keep your pepper spray. Yeah, just make sure. Rent a dog, borrow somebody's dog. We're gonna go to a park, take you to the far corner

behind a little fucking maintenance shed or something. Yeah. You could be in a- I'll get you alone. Show up with it, rent- Get out of the elevator, repeat, get out of the elevator. One of them's trans.

Yeah, show up. Don't bring a friend because your friend, you have something on the line, your friend will just fuck you up. It's natural. Guys, if you want, if the guy's friend wants something, they will just try to sabotage it. Oh right. I mean, nine times, because it's funny. Nine times out of ten. Maybe one time out of ten they'll help, but it's very rare. It's totally, that's totally normal as well. Get a, have a couple stories, steal some of people's, steal some of my stories, you know, you can't believe what happened to me.

You can't, you're never gonna believe what happened to me. I was almost on all the 9-11 planes. Yeah, I was. That might be, that's a men's story. Women's stories like I had this, a friend of mine entered the LA art fair story. That's just tell them that story, that it happened's a men's story. Women's story is like, I had this friend of mine enter the LA Art Fair story. Just tell them that story. That it happened to a friend of yours and you can't believe it. Cool.

Tell a coyote story. Women love that shit. It's little dogs. Right, exactly. Doing funny stuff, inconveniencing a man. They would fucking love that story. See what happened your dad Right and crazy Fucking fat idiot unless you own a home, you know in which case yeah, and then it happened. Well, it's If it's your house, you might start fucking it up. Well, that's what I mean. Yeah. Okay comments as hey dick I got a weird opportunity

In my life, I'm 24. My friend is moving to Colorado Springs. His parents don't want him to go, they're rich. Move in with the parents. You can be there, son. Take over the house, yeah. Hi mommy. Replace that, yeah.

What's the mom look like? Yeah, if she's too hot, you don't want to move in. Or you do. And you just torture. Mm-hmm He told me they're gonna try to make a deal with me tomorrow at his birthday bonfire. What the fuck? You say that again? What what trying to do what his parents don't want him to go alone Colorado Springs and they are rich She told me they're gonna try to make a deal with me tomorrow at his birthday bonfire

They are gonna make a deal with you? What the fuck? To do what? What's your end of the deal? Is this from the CW? To go with him? I assume to accompany him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Dumb and Dumber? Yeah.

Some people, man. A birthday bonfire? You better put together your- How much parents are you gonna have? You need to put together like a price schedule for them. You know, like- Yeah, this is how much friendship you get Yeah, yeah. This is one one side here initial here and I'm gonna need something up front

What do you got? The deal he said was two years rent free in a house his dad owns But there could be more Wow, you got to fuck the dad. Oh No, it'd be Friends of benefits situation Wow, you gotta fuck the dad? Oh no. Could be friends with benefits with dad situation. Two years rent free in a house his dad owns, but there could be more. Yeah. You getting more than rent free? There could be more.

What the fuck? Car. What does more mean? Does he like not want to, is he saying? In a happy ending? Don't go to, he doesn't wanna go to Colorado? I live in Omaha, Nebraska. Bro, leave.

Go the fuck to Colorado for fuck's sake. Are you retarded? That's Nebraska's state motto, leave. What are you still doing here? The what are you still doing here state? I live in Omaha, Nebraska. After my ex left me, I moved back in with my mom. Get the fuck out of Nebraska! That previous ex I asked you about didn't work out. Turns out doing the war game isn't first-date material. The war game is to humiliate women.

Yeah. For entertainment. The dad stuff and the shoe stuff is to humiliate women. Yeah, not, yeah. For entertainment. The dad stuff and the shoe stuff is to fuck them. Are you listening, skinny fat guy? Do not do the war game. Do not do the war game. Repeat. Do not embarrass any women on your date.

No matter what. Even if it's the greatest, like, burn... Don't do it. It's, sometimes it's hard not to, you know, but it's right there. I don't know if he's funny or not, but... Yeah, I do that. He definitely won't be funny if he does that. I just live vicariously through me.

I am trying to humiliate women. But in your life... Your life, you're not at that point... You're a different guy. I don't. You're a different guy. You're a different guy. That's B-B-U. She got them all wrong, except World War II. Oh.

That means she got them all wrong. You don't miss four out of those five questions. You miss five. You guessed right. Oh, she just guessed right. I mean, there's no other explanation for it. You don't not know. Why she would definitely know, yeah.

If she said 1939 to 1945, you'd be like, what? Like, how did you retain that? But you know nothing about it. I have a good job at a private country club as a chef. Damn, dude. I cook for 350 billion millionaires. What? I mean, it's just been funny. That's a lot of millionaires? What?

That's a lot of millionaires. I cook for 350, oh, rich guys. I cook for 350 billionaires millionaires. I mean, that doesn't mean you're rich though. You're just a fucking chef. Yeah, but he's at a good place. I mean, you can take a chef a long fucking way. A chef, everyone's eating. Everyone's eating everywhere.

Just like he's, I mean... Yeah, but being a chef in Omaha versus Colorado Springs, I would say you probably would be moving up, right? Moving to Colorado, you could, a lot of money in some of those places. It's at a country club though. That's not really like a... Well, yeah, but there's country clubs

all over Colorado too, I mean. Yeah, but I'm saying like, well, I don't know how chefing works, but if you're a chef at a restaurant, people are coming there for the food. If you're a chef at a country club, people are coming there to golf. Well, they are, but they make you spend a certain amount

of money at the facility too. Right, but it's not like, I would imagine that chefery is, it sounds like that's like kind of a glass ceiling Yeah, like a country club. But I'm saying you could make a you know, I have this experience I've done this this was just the good country. Yeah, it's resume material that actually means something Bottom line. The only thing really holding here me here is my job. I like my co-workers. Would you take the deal? Yes, any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you two years of rent-free

I would I me would take this deal. Oh, yeah. Oh, especially right now with rent-free Yeah, there's a state of the entertainment industry. You're goddamn right. I will be like, you know what? I'll fucking deal with finding clothes when I get there. I'm leaving from here right now, dude I don't know what they're gonna do. I was every actually swing by get my dog. Oh Wait that guy that guy who said he wanted you to MC his wedding. Yeah, what? I think he said a thousand bucks. Hold on.

Let me look. He said he would give you a thousand bucks to do his wedding. Oh god. I don't know if that's enough for you. Now I have to think about it. Yeah, now he's offered. Let me see what he offered. Uh... Vegas. You like that? Look at that first email. Somebody wrote me an email.

Vito Gay Shit. Great. What am I supposed to do with that? Vegas wedding. Uh, what was that from Patreon? Oh yeah, just bullshit. Audio engineer. I had a thousand bucks in mind to hire Sean as a DJ for karaoke, which is a good chunk of change for me, but I wouldn't be offended if it wasn't enough. This troubles me because it's a bullshit splurge

that'd be memorable, and I was super happy to pay that except the GoFundMe for Young Clipa isn't making that much traction. I gave 50 bucks. How can I enjoy spending a thousand on a frivolous thing while the unfortunate Riley dude might not get an appropriate amount shot at fair representation?

If Sean will DJ my karaoke wedding, I will donate 500 to Riley's GoFundMe and pay Sean a thousand. If Sean refuses, I can save 1,500 bucks and transfer any guilt I have out of not helping Riley unto Sean. Oh no! So it's your fault now if Riley doesn't get $500. Oh no, when is his wedding?

It's such a good thing that shit doesn't work on me. Sunday, August 11th. I mean, I don't know. August 11th, I mean, I don't know August 11th 6 p.m Chet Morton, it's obviously not as no I wouldn't know No, no, no, I get that's a Hardy Boys. I bet that's a Hardy Boys reference I believe so okay, I'd be shocked if his if that was his name Well, it's your fault if Riley doesn't give 500 bucks. Now that you know, how you feel about that? I feel, I feel nothing.

Absolutely nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thousand bucks. Yeah. 500 for Riley, thousand for you. I mean, you should, you should donate the whole thing

to Riley though. Well, if I was any kind of a- If you were a good friend to Riley. Yeah. What's Riley at? Let's see. I don't know. FreeRiley.fund.

I made a little sculpture. Oh yeah? Of Riley. Maybe I'll sell that to try to generate some money. Oh, that's the- Oh, he was like- Five grand, man. He needs 10 more.

He needs 10 fucking more. He's up to five grand, huh? Yeah. So, Noel thought this meant he was pepper sprayed. He's up to five grand, huh? Yeah. So Noel thought this meant he was pepper sprayed. See how his eyes all show? Yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, I mean, people have- When you get pepper sprayed, it's like crying.

Yeah, he would have said he was pepper sprayed as well, right, over the last couple of weeks. Yes, because it would have been hilarious. Yeah, I mean, he was, yeah, not pepper sprayed. FreeRiley.fund. Well, there you go, Sean. You had the opportunity to save him. I know. I'm sorry, Riley.

You didn't. Okay, so three days, two times I used the I like your shoes. One time it got me laid. And tonight, oh, tonight I got an eight out of 10 tits. Oh, I think this is unrelated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think I'll move to Colorado. I got enough nightlife here.

I don't know how I'm gonna put him down easy. Any advice? You're fucking up. You should move. There's a... Especially when you're 24 years old. Yeah. I don't see any reason you shouldn't try that.

Free rent? Bro, that doesn't... Are you fucking kidding me? Well, and also, like, do you think, you think you're locked into a- Country club? Well, look, no, but also, the rent free thing, if you fucking hate it and nothing's popping-

Leave. Leave, and go back and pay for rent. If your life is better paying for rent. I don't, I mean- I would do it. Yeah, no, just how I am now now knowing what you know, I would have yeah I was that's a that's there's nothing bad that can happen with dude I would be if I didn't live in LA I would be I would fucking blow my brains out like everyone hates

Everyone shits on California. Yeah, but I saw this map Yesterday the other day that was ranking Everyone shits on California, but I saw this map yesterday, the other day that was ranking states by weight of women in the states and California was hugely lower. And you know, every time I go anywhere, every time I go anywhere, I come back and complain. It's like seeing a fucking, it's like being in hell like Nashville It was like this is I feel like I'm in a stampede

I feel like I'm in that Lion King level in the on the Sega Genesis wreath to just dodge wildebeest back and forth like that's me on Broad Street in Nashville right and they're like done done. Oh shit And I'm like, oh, oh shit, oh God, left right, right, oh God, oh shit. I couldn't do it. Yeah. I don't even, I almost don't like living here because I know how skinny the women are in Japan. Almost.

Yeah, almost. Not enough to move. Got it. But enough to think about. What about rent free? Well, you can almost live rent free there. The houses are like free. What really? Yeah, they free all these perverts are always telling me how houses are free in Japan.

Oh fuck, that was like the craziest real estate in the world for a long time. They fucked up their economy so bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With quantitative easing that they invented there in the 70s. I remember they fucked it up in the yeah. And no babies. Their population has been stagnating. I know, yeah.

So they just have houses everywhere. Yeah, boy, it did not used to be that way. No. The houses in Japan depreciate. Not like here, where you buy a house, it's like the only good thing to do with your money because of the banking cabals. Yeah, right, because of the banking cabals Yeah, because of the banking not because there's not because there's anything special about having real estate, right?

Okay Okay fat watch let's do it and that's it 230 already All right here is Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. All right. Here is, hey, here's a shot of the new Dungeons and Dragons fan art. This is what it looks like. Hmm.

Our new Dungeons and Dragons art. I was gonna say fan art. Not fan art. This is what Dungeons and Dragons is now. This is a thief, a rogue. Looks like Amy Schumer. Ha ha ha ha! In a batman, a cat mask.

This woman is easily 180 pounds. You guys play the new Donuts and Dragons? ... ... ... ... ... ...

... Even the imaginary women are getting fat. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. I like this guy. He's a skinny ch- My ideal self is 240, 52, and blonde. Definitely blonde.

What a great comment. Dude, they fucked up Dungeons & Dragons. Like the woke fucking weirdos. Just got robin' food. That's my character. I'm a big fat woman and I steal food Yeah, that's I'm rolling I'm gonna bake break into the bakery Robin food looks better in print than pronounced. I guess. Yeah You can't play you can't play a big fat woman and don't you guys why you guys are yeah What I'm not doing it right again?

Right. Dungeons and Dragons, it's like a bunch of gay orcs now that run small businesses and have coffee shops. Oh, yeah. And leave their babies, their adopted elf babies in like a warg cage or something. I don't know what to... It's really fucking it's it's

Exceptionally gay what they're doing to Dungeons and Dragons like literally hmm I don't know why they're there. I don't know why they're going after it so hard specifically Huh? Well, that's too bad. I guess, uh... Hmm. I guess, uh, you have to imagine your way. Is there some sort of a treadmill? I said, like, fantasy. It's kind of a world of scarcity.

Clearly, that doesn't go up and down steps there. If you're characters, do you have to roll a check to see if you can climb upstairs? I rolled a one, shit. This dungeon is too much for me. Go back to the donut shop, talk to the gay orcs. Dungeons and donuts. If I watch Haydick, I was forced off of a plane due to a seat-sweller. Whoa. I got kicked off of a plane due to a cabal of fat women.

After over 24 hours of flight delays, cancellations, other bullshit, I was on my final flight home. Unfortunately, it was from Atlanta. Oh man, oh man. Have you seen the planes taken off from Atlanta recently? Recently? Burgeoning like. Not since we've been there. Oh, it's gotten worse.

They're like bending in half now. I've seen that. Jesus. They're climbing up. That's a, well, I mean, I thought the fucking food in Atlanta was outstanding. So. Yeah. I can see, you know.

Yeah. They're like the plane plane when they pull up they're they post videos of this all the time and the planes are taking off that Atlanta they're like making like creaking sounds you know come on clear the fence clear the fence they had to make the runways long when boarding my plane I noticed I was in the middle seat. Sucks, but no biggie. I just wanted to get back home. The problem is that my seat was two thirds occupied

by an obese black woman, aggressively woman spreading her rolls like silly putty from the window seat. When awkwardly shuffling to my seat, I made sure to put the armrest down to protect my ability to breathe. That was a mistake. Was it?

The second I began to move the armrest, the gurgling complaints arose. She called me rude. You're putting your own fucking armrest down and this bitch is crying about it? Yeah. Yeah. We gotta loosen up these murder laws. It just can't, it just can't be a, it can't be a, you know, black and white situation.

More of a broad definition of like justifiable homicide. It's wailing, I was wailing. I was wailing, yeah. I'm pretty sure wailing is legal. She called me rude, wanted me not only to raise my arms back up, she said I slammed them down. I wish that was true.

And she demanded that I help her find her seatbelt, which had been lost in her ass. Oh my God. What do you do in this situation? You just got to go like fat fat fat fat for like four hours. What are you going to do? Fat fat fat fat fat. I have Tourette hours. Whatever you want. Fat fat fat fat fat. I have Tourette's. And I'm sorry, hey.

Sorry, right. Hi, I'm sorry. I see you have the arm rest up here. I understand disabilities. I have Tourette's, you big fat fucking pig. Fuck you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that was a bad one.

So I just want you to know, keep the arm rest up. You can have half of my seat. You fat whore. Fat whore. Sorry. Jesus. It whore, sorry. Jesus. It's just a, I understand disabilities very well.

Dumb bitch. Dumb bitch. Uh. I refused and immediately pressed the call stewardess button. I'm going to try, I'm going to try pretending, I'm going to try that, the Cartman thing. I would love to hear about that. Knowing drama was brewing, the oh beast, the beast then began rambling about how she's seen videos

of stuff like this on the internet. Yeah. She also said my arms were too big, which made me feel kind of good. Humble brag. Although there's no such thing as a male arms being too big. No, there is. There's some...

They start injecting that weird synthol. Synthol, yeah. It's too big. The first stewardess, a slim and fairly attractive woman with seat cups, was pleasant. She acknowledged the issue quickly, apologized, tossed a seat extender at the Ham Beast, seat belt extender, not a seat extender, that would be nice. Yeah, right, yeah. And told me she'd definitely find me a new seat.

I turned on the Food Network on my seat back TV, good, which was surprisingly, unsurprisingly distracted. And was suddenly wet with drool. My unwelcome seatmate, SpongeBob. Next thing you know, another hand beast showed up, except this time she's also wearing a Delta uniform. She begins to berate me for being disrespectful to my fellow passenger.

He says disrespectful, but I'm betting it was disrespectful. Okay. And told me that the flight was full, so she couldn't make any changes. I tried, trying my hardest to be polite and just wanting to go home and told her I didn't mean any disrespect. Agreed to- I just wanted to be able to live.

Agreed to tolerate the cramped conditions for the short flight and would just file a complaint when we landed. Of course that wasn't the end. The obese stewardess then storms off the plane. A few minutes later, I'm being escorted off the airline for being disrespectful. This time by a third hand beast in an airline uniform.

While I walked off the plane, the skinny waitress apologized. We really are at the tyranny of these fat damn, fucking monsters. Somebody's feelings got hurt. It's just totally- If you're not, for being too big to fit in a space they're supposed to fit in, it's your fault.

If you as a skinny person were just taking people's seats with your hands, like being silly, you would never be tolerated. Right. Also, while walking off the plane, I noticed they were allowing the beast to use both seats and giving her snacks to drown her hurt feelings with. The ordinary size ground crew, also apologetic, then booked me for the next available flight.

Suffice to say, I now totally understand the Burger King crown guy. I don't understand that reference, but... I don't either, but... Wow. Good times. good time you do I don't know what do we do I don't know celebrate heart attacks I guess we're at that point I don't know maybe I don't know we do do I have another one to cap it off or was that good that was pretty good a A size showdown. Fat watch behind the scenes of a fat Instagram shoot. Oh, okay.

Should be good. Oh, expectation. Oh. Yeah. Oh my God. It's a fat woman who went to a fat photo shoot and is crying that she had to walk to get there. That's what this is.

Oh my god. The reality for me... It's just rap music. The reality for me is that participating in photo shoots can be physically demanding. Constantly changing poses... Fuck off. Constantly changing poses. Fuck off. Constantly changing poses. Does she have like some huge following?

Let's see. What's her name? How hard she's working. Lighten... Lighten up, Ash. Lighten up, Ash. Is she Hawaiian? She's Hawaii. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I wish I had come up with that. That was... That was very good. Constantly changing poses,

holding positions, and moving around can require a lot of energy and strength. Sean! Oh man, I'm fucking blown... Oh man. Oh man. God.

This workout-like aspect of photo shoots, bitch, you how, you fucking don't know what a workout like anything is. This workout-like aspect of photo shoots is probably my favorite form of workout. It's not a workout. You're just standing. Sometimes. Sitting other times.

While the process may be tough. It's all worth it. While the process may be tough. Where did I lose it? Tough, the sense of gratitude and fulfillment that comes from knowing the hard work that went into achieving success is unparalleled.

What is success? There are, you have, you can't have any parallel on a globe. Does she have like a, again, do we know her following? She have like a, oh, she's got 28,000 likes, so I mean, somebody's looking, right? She's only got 26,000 followers. Oh really? Lighten up, Ash. Oh, that's, yeah.

Is that a fat joke? Lighten up? Does Oh, that's, yeah. Is that a fat joke, lighten up? Does she know that that's a joke? I, you know what, I'm gonna say she does. They like rubbing it in our face, right? They appropriate it. I'm gonna say she does. Hi, I'm Ashley. I'm a confident big girl who loves Jesus,

trying to get healthier. Well, you're gonna meet him soon enough. If you don't watch out. Uh, loves to dress up and empower women with similar struggles and not let the opinions of others stop them from living their best lives. Her natural predators also boats. Look, I mean, if she's really confident and loves how she, then like, great, I just, I don't really believe it.

She's carrying around 400 pounds. It's possible. It's gotta be brutal. It's a fucking nightmare. It's gotta be, it cannot be fun. I'm, I- The smell. I would really, really think that she wishes

that she could do things that regular people can do Imagine having to take a shower first of all you gotta I don't think she would fit in my shower And then you've got to wash like three times as much skin if it well You definitely cannot you've got to take the regulator out of your shower. Yeah, you have your elephant hose power washing Yeah, load it up, right? Oh It's power washing, yeah. Loaded it up. Right. Oh, yeah, just eating all the good stuff. Oh, God. Oh, oh, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, this is not good. Embracing the journey with all its ups and downs is what shapes me. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Is it ups and downs? Is it falling down, getting up, falling down, getting up? High fructose corn syrup is what shapes you. And makes my achievements even more meaningful.

Okay, well, there you go. That's the show. Wonderful. Thank you very much. It's going to kick in and you know. Sometime. You know sometime Tick that show patreon.com slash the dick show see you next Tuesday Free Riley dot fund free Riley dot fund Riley needs money. Let me get my sculpture Maybe I can have had it.

I should have had it queued up. Shouldn't I have? In this 417, oh, you go into... I was hoping you wouldn't say that because I forgot. Oh Shawn look at this look at this What is that? Boy, what makes me fucking rage is watching get shit get into car accidents Yeah, just fucking parked in the lane. Oh, I know

Nearly caused me to fuck this my shit was I we're at a stoplight Lay in front of me Imagine it's an LA If shit in the dodge of the lesbian haircut fucking just Forwarded just hit the fucking car. I think but the cars in part like guys doesn't turn only way I need you get the fuck over like pull over Yes, there's somebody behind me get the fuck out of the way so I can get off the fucking road Doesn't fucking do it this time

I try a lot for us drive like a thousand miles a week I'm on the highways all the fucking time the amount of fucking rear ending that I see Where like both cars are still fully honorable and they just work in the right lane. Yeah, brother. They love it. They love it. Get the fuck out of the road.

They love just sitting there and marveling at their own destroyed car. I think some people- I just started laughing when I saw the fat woman get out of the car and I thought the situation was unfocal. They're just so stupid. To yell at the lesbian that fucking crashed into her car. That was probably one of the funniest things I've seen a lot of time anyways go fuck yourself Is everybody is just everybody else seeing it's like the fucking Tim Robinson hot dog guy sketch

It means like we're all trying to figure out who did this People wreck their car in the freeway. Yeah, just get on go like Everyone I'm as surprised as all of you guys. Look at this. What happened to this car? Yeah. What? Did I, did I do this? Yeah. No, somebody, we got to find the guy who did this to this car and left it in the freeway. What a fucking idiot, right? Oh man.

It's a great rage. I, because it, I, I really do think that think that some people it just does not occur to. I'm in an accident, we can't leave the scene. I can't move it. I can't move my car. It's totally, your bumper has a little crease in it. Go pull over and exchange information. It's so fucking maddening. We were driving up to my parents' house on the freeway and this cop, this cop, you know, going 90 miles an hour,

gets on the freeway and starts doing their stupid zigzag thing. I don't know if they do that outside of California. They probably do it in New York. I don't know if everybody's familiar with this move that cops do. I think that is a, something that's taught to most, like whoever patrols the highways,

if you're a highway patrol, you know, that's how you swerve. Cause you're slowing everybody down cause they're going to stop you. I was right in front, right was right in front right yeah, you're not let him pass your ass Yeah So he's driving just you know like RC Pro am Before y'all get it. You know just your, we got it. We got the message. Relax, princess.

You can turn your lights off. So he turns around, turns around and everybody stops and he's like, you get off your phone unless you want a ticket. Oh, that's what you're. Not me, I was on my phone, but I was holding it down. That's your concern, like. He's got to really make sure everyone pays attention.

He's like, I'm going to go up there. I'm going to go up there. I'm gonna go up. I'm gonna go up and I'm gonna push that car I'm gonna this car is trapped in the middle. Is this what he's saying? Yeah, he's explaining to the freeway Yeah, the car is trapped in the middle. I'm gonna get behind it and push it. You will stay 300 feet behind me It's like oh so and some idiot Got in a wreck or something. Yeah, right But you're gonna you're gonna what you're gonna push it so with his car with his car so he goes up and just like Pushes the things are don't get don't get within 300 feet of me or you or I will arrest you right?

So he goes up and you're pushing that would pushing now. It'll just blow by you. Yeah, he just pushes it. He gets behind... I've never seen them do this move. He got behind the car and pushed it, and the car just steered onto the side, right? Was there no driver in that car? There was a driver, yeah. Oh, there was. There was a driver driving it.

Okay, okay, yeah. So he was there. So then they just got... Something happened to the car, and they're like, Oh? Oh no. Right, right, right. I better go in the middle. Well, I mean, maybe the car didn't I mean obviously couldn't move I would I mean get the fuck out of the what did it just stop? Well, no, I mean car something happened I'm gonna happen where it just move over if it might not have been might not have been drivable like it could have just you know

The fucking transmission just snap so then fucking move up. Oh shit. Oh no power. Okay. I gotta get over. I gotta go over this Oh, yeah, because you are probably going right unless it happened in stop-and-go traffic Once you go you go to go and it just goes no it was it was like it was after the show It was Sunday afternoon, so yeah They fucked up should have been able to put the blinker on hazards on and have plenty of momentum to coast Yeah, I said what you're saying. And the car was like a, it was like an old Accord. They shouldn't even be allowed to drive in the fast lane.

Those fucking, what do you think about this? Riley thing that I made. You made that? You think I could get some money for this? Yeah. For Riley's defense fund? Yeah. You think if I put this up on eBay or something,

maybe five bucks I could get for it? You can probably get more than that. See, he got a cape. Yeah, see that right and he's got scissors That's really try to glue those on but I fucked it up Oh, yeah, you'll get a cape and you get a little bit of a gut sticking out on his shirt See how I did that. I do way more than five bucks for that You think I could get a little bit of money for the Riley Defense Fund? Yeah, I do. Alright, I'll put it up. I got some glitter on his shoes. I don't like that I did that.

And I was high while I was doing it. Oh, that's good. On, I'm not going to say what drugs. Yeah. But it was more than one. Very creative. Yes, yes, yes. Got a little red here on his thing.

Yeah, that's alright. So I, a sculpture guy told me how to do, cause I love doing sculpting stuff. You do, yeah. Like these nuggets, those nuggets guys, where's those? The guy that made this. The guy that made this, right? Yeah, mm-hmm, yep. He told me to do, to make aluminum foil

into the shape that you want. And then you put Sculpey on that. Oh. Cause I've been making Sculpeys and they're too big and they fuck up, you know. And they get all squished and messed up. So there's aluminum foil in there. How about that? Pretty cool.

Yeah, because aluminum foil can be very moldable down... And it's light. And you don't have to bake it as long because it's not like two inches of Sculpey. I made Riley a little fat. I wish I would have... I did him a little bit dirty. Yeah, I made that. Because I overestimated... because then the foil was okay, but then the clay went on, I was like, gosh. Yeah, yeah.

He's a little fatter than I am. He looks a little bit like the professional Leon too. That was your first go at the foil method, so. Pretty good. Now you're like, oh, I probably gotta make it a little skinnier than I want. You know, what if I made an Eric July and sold him as a pear?

That's gonna be the most racist sculpey anyone's ever made. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I mean, you can make it, you know, look like him without like he's gonna be calling the police. You don't have to, you don't have to make like a 19, like 20s, like picking any poster, you know, like I don't even know that term.

The great thing about Eric July is that he looks like a hippopotamus with his teeth he does oh he does always leaning back yeah you can see his talking and that's not a racist animal for black right it's not a racist animal no no so you can hip up you can be as hippopotamacy as you want I do notice his teeth in his videos like he always seems to be showing them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you can just make a hippo. Right. It's like, it's not racist, bro.

No. No one's ever said black people are hippos. No. So, I think you'll find that this is entirely within the law. Yeah. Okay. Let's see what we got here. Hey, Dick. Hey, Sean, how's it going? Hey good great actually, I don't understand something so just finish me up I'm a week behind. I just had another kid

And so I'm listening to the episode that's fucking up his whole Hollywood career. Yeah, and I don't get why he doesn't just do what made him popular, which is just write stuff and occasionally produce a video. Because he's obsessed and can't let it go. How much work is it to write stuff and occasionally produce a video? It's not like he's writing incredible work of art. It doesn't have the energy for it. It's not like he's writing. Doesn't have the energy for it. A work of art. It's all consumed. I mean, it's like eight paragraphs

with some funny pictures that he made in MS Paint. Do that like once every other week and then like once every other month make a video version of it. If he just did that, the Dick Show podcast would be on the Mad Dock Network right now. If he just made... He should have put lines on his beanie too.

Fuck. Because of all the drugs. ... wrote some shit occasionally and once in a while released a video, he would be successful and he wouldn't be stuck with having to make an income by filing frivolous lawsuits and shit. So I don't know. I sincerely don't understand why he can't do that. I believe that you sincerely understand that.

It seems like it's pretty easy to do. There's a lot of dog shit out there that is just terrible, but it's that people are phenomenal and self-employed and happy because they just consistently finish something occasionally. It's like the bare minimum to even consider yourself a creator. It's just to occasionally finish something. I think a lot of people in this guy's life are always trying to jump in on the conversation and he just not talk. He just keeps talking. Is he completely incapable of that? Is he unwilling to do it? Is he afraid of finishing stuff? But you have like a thousand articles that are Like almost complete but not perfect. I feel like you've got literally has a thousand articles. Yes, he could put out. Yeah

Today yes that are 90% fine Lately are terrible dog terrible All the ones he's been putting out lately are terrible. Dog shit. Terrible. But lately, I mean, the last decade, the six he's put out in the last decade. Stupid. Those were his best.

I don't know. Fuck you. Good ending. Yeah, I mean, times change. Every writer has written, every famous writer, or most of them have written about this, but you have a period of time where you can create- Artists in general.

Art in general. Yeah, musicians. Definitely music. You have a period of time where you may or may not be able to capture the zeitgeist and the feeling, and do your best work, And do your best work. And then after that it's gone. Yeah.

Or happens less and less frequently. Happens less and less. Most people get one. Oh, I know. Most people who do get famous happen to stumble upon something that resonates with people. And it's that one. And that is such a-

That's a miracle. Fraction of a percent of people, of the people who try it. Try it. My uncle and I used to laugh about, you know, the poor one hit wonders. What happened to them? What are you talking about?

They're getting fucking residual checks. Mambo number five. Nobody ever asked about Mambo number six. Yeah, if you own the fucking publishing to one hit, bro, you've... Because people are, because people come at art. I wish I could be that much of a loser. Yeah, because people come at art from a consumption viewpoint, they only see it through one lens. But the amount of effort that it takes that is wasted providing them this content is unimaginable.

Most people, Maddox is one of them, happen to create something that resonates and then they are never able to get to again. Because they, and it's not a pejorative, they just don't have anything else to offer. Like Maddox was the guy who- It was at the right time. Yeah. He was a guy who happened to be, he happened to have a combination of skills, like being able to put a website up when there was no other websites.

Being angry about that. It's like a mute, it's like an evolutionary mutation that the current environment accepts as, you know, like allows to, it's like, yeah, it's like, you know, when the, you know, when Britain was covered in soot, those white moths, the ones that had the recessive trait of black, those with the white ones all got eaten and you got the black ones. And then they cleaned it up again and the white ones. It's, yeah. But even with this exposure,

it doesn't mean you can create the same thing, but it doesn't resonate even a month later, a year later, let alone 20 years later. Timing. You don't have, even if you're able to create one thing or many things, you can't just do it, you know, 20 years from now. Your experience will change you. And if you're not careful about what experiences you have

and how you let them affect you, you will be changed in a way that is not, that does not resonate with people, that is not celebrated by people that they don't want to experience. That's the whole thing. Max doesn't understand this, and I do. I do, I, the skill of storytelling

that is essential to podcasting in general, I know how to do. I've always said that you're made for this, you're a radio guy. I know how to do. I've always said that you're made for this. You're a radio guy. I can tell a 50 minute story about my fucking coyotes knocking off my water heater. So I understand what about it hits people. I always have that fucking niggling feeling

in the back of my head. I would really love to solve this mystery. It's all about a shared conspiracy. Nematix does not understand that, which would be fine. He could be like an autistic, you know, op-ed piece writer. But he just doesn't understand people. No, no, he does not.

He can't write to target them. No, he's- And he's made no effort to understand them. None at all. He's just bitterly angry at his own fame because he resents the people who accelerated him into this position of a spokesman and a thought leader. And then he had nothing to offer them because he never took the time to investigate why they put him in this position. And maybe he can't. That's often possible, that he also cannot. He can't tell stories.

Look at the fucking shirt! Look at the fucking shirt! He took... trying to get my account turned off, he took an offensive shirt, a homophobic shirt, and made the entire image the shirt. Instead of the shirt. That's it. That's why he can't, that's why he's not still making content. Because he can't. He doesn't understand why it's funny. He doesn't understand why shit's funny. And he will never take a step back and say,

why is this funny? He will only say, I speak, therefore it's funny. Not, how can I reach these kids? And again, maybe may be not capable not possible to not capable of that kind of Analysis he I think he's kind of he's wired how he was wired through nature and nurture Yeah, and that's he's is he's at a point where it it would be a process the rest of his life to attempt to understand why he is. The plasticity of your brain is shot.

Neuroplasticity, and that's a big thing with their testing substances, what possibly increase brain neuroplasticity, things like that. Yes, it is much more difficult to learn things like that when you get that age. I feel it. I try to engage with younger, to stay on it, to stay at least, you know, you can't, you cannot stay young forever. You can't.

But you can grow, you can at least like, you know, at least see it. Yes. Right? You can at least acknowledge it. You cannot shut your eyes to it. You can see it and recognize it and realize what makes, and realize what is important to, you know, the growing trend or the overall trend. You can't become it.

You'll never be celebrated for it. Well, no, your time has passed. Like you've got to do what you do at your age. And even me, being good at it. I feel the bearings and the gears turning, losing the grease and turning into rust. I get it. And starting to grind and starting to hurt. Whereas what was once effortless now takes effort.

Yes. And it will get worse and worse, but there is, there is art and expression in that. And these are things that Maddox at his age, at his age, he can never, he fucked, he fucked, he has fucked up so badly in- Just doing the wrong, the exact opposite of the right thing. Right.

He's fucked up so badly for so many years that he could never be in a place to recognize these things. He would be, he would be unrecognizable to himself at 20 where he is now. So much so that it would be like a totally different person. Like you're not the kind of guy who can do this anymore. You just can't. You're spastically making retarded hit piece videos on somebody who's already old. Like the fact that he's going after me is so fucking...

It's like, bro, I'm old. This is done. All of this is fucking done. Like I'm doing things like making fun of fetch chicks and trying to help the kids, you know? It's only important to him. This is gone! This is done! You're already dead! Do you not? You don't get that either! It doesn't matter, because you got nothing else to say.

Don't work so hard being dead. Most people are dead effortlessly! Yeah, I mean, somehow he's made an incredible amount of work. There becomes a point at which the stories about you become you, and they become bigger than you. Yeah. And you can't work to stop them. You can't.

There's not enough time in the day. Yeah. But it doesn't matter because that's who you are. And that is why he isn't writing and putting out new material and stuff like that. That's the... I'm glad that caller actually can't relate to it. Yes. I believe that he's really baffled by...

Maybe that's good. You are a lot more mentally healthy than he is. And that's why the curse works for me. There you go. All right. Goodbye. See you. Thank you.