The Dick Show - Episode 418

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

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Ah, I don't know. I think I can tell how hungover I am based on what song gets stuck in my head. Oh yeah. Uh huh. Is that true? Has anyone ever explored that? I know it's different. If it's the Mario song, it's going to be a bad day.

You know? Well, I didn't hear the Mario song come out of you. No, it's that other song. I don't remember what it's called. Dream a Little Dream of you. No, it's that other song. I don't remember what it's called. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Dream a Little Dream of Me. Yes. I'm gonna be all right when that one kicks in.

Okay. It's gonna be all right. It's a decent year. One or two beers. You'll be right as rain. There you go. Couple to think, little to think. I missed two workouts though this week. I know, yeah, I haven't worked out in the last few days.

This July 4th on a Thursday is fucked up. Yeah. Cause you have to take the Wednesday off to get ready for July 4th. Yeah, at least- Nobody's working on Friday. They try to make it a short day, yeah, at least on Wednesday,

like you get out by like noon or one, even if you're working a, you know. Yeah, nobody's around. Yeah, nobody's around. I had a session on Friday. It was like, I was shocked. You got robbed. Yeah, I was.

Friday weekend. It was just the first half of the day, but I was shocked that like anybody bothered to do that. Yeah. I don't know, whatever. They're setting off fireworks at the top of the hill here. Oh, really? The lawlessness that was on display was brazen this year

after the big crackdown. Oh sure. From the cops and fireworks. Oh yeah, where it's like, and you just see the fucking, you know, like a TikTok of LA, just as far as the, I mean, every other house is fucking shooting fireworks into the air.

It's like, good luck guys. Worry about the people who are using that cover to like smash and grab out of somebody's building. You know, I mean, that's, you ain't gonna- You guys don't do shit anyway. You ain't gonna stop the fireworks. You don't do anything anyway, you know? I mean, yeah.

Show up to harass people. Yeah, yeah. Last year, I think we saw a Dollar Tree burn down. Somebody was shooting off fireworks in the Dollar Tree parking lot, which was fun. Well, a few years ago when I was here, we could see somebody caught their trees on fire in their yard.

Yeah, that was, you know. That was cool though. Because it was like, wait a minute, I think that's on fire. I don't think they're going to put that out. Oh yeah, here come the sirens. There you go. What? You messed up, man. Yep. That was like down in Frogtown or something. Yeah, yeah. It looked down that way, but your place is great because you can see Dodger Stadium. You can see the Rose Bowl. That was cool.

Yeah, you can see all kinds of like legit fireworks shows from here. And sometimes little Mexican kids are running around where everyone is selling beers. Wow. And water or diet coke, you know, or whatever. Yeah. But that's always nice.

That is actually, that's convenient. If it wasn't for the goddamn government, that would be everywhere. Little Mexican kids selling... Little Mexican kids selling beers. Wow. That's what they took from you. You could be sitting on the bus,

little Mexican kid comes up, tries to sell you a beer. You could be at the zoo, little Mexican kid comes up, tries to sell you a beer. That's what they took from us. Drinking and animals sometimes don't mix, but you know. You're a grown adult though, that's, you know, that's fun. I want the opportunity though. I'd like to be offered the... That's true. And then it's on you. You know what you're doing.

Yeah. Speaking of Dodger Stadium, did you see this? Did you see Dodger Stadium had a little anime singing the national anthem? What? It was like, it was like Pedophile Day or something at Dodger Stadium had a little anime singing the national anthem. What? It was like, it was like pedophile day or something at Dodger Stadium, I think. You didn't see this? No. They had a little, yeah, look, here you go.

See this is a little, somebody leading you in something. There's a little girl. I don't know if it's a man playing, pretending to be this little girl or a fat woman or something, but oops, sorry. I got it. That's all right. I got it. They had a... I don't know how many pedophiles are in attendance at this.

I don't know, were they giving away like, anime bobble heads or something? Like... There you go. Wow. And they threw a big fit about the drag queen nuns, For the Dodgers, the Queen of the Kings of Sheik. And they threw a big fit about the Drag Queen nuns, but nobody says shit about a little nine-year-old shark girl.

Well, yeah, well, yeah, yeah. It was like a- What's it going to be next? Yeah, who? I mean, obviously, like Christian groups complained about the Drag Queen nuns, right? Like the- Yeah, and then one of them turned out to be a child monster. Oh, really? I mean, obviously, like, Christian groups complained about the drag queen nuns, right? Like the... Yeah, and then one of them turned out to be a child monster. Oh, really? I didn't...

Yeah, I think so. Oh, really? Well, there's always one! Well... You know? In every org. Nuns, priests... Yeah, I mean, I guess...

Doctors, lawyers... I guess, uh... T-ball... Anybody... There are... There's always going to be some... Always one... ...number of people who... If they work around around kids they're gonna be there for the wrong reasons

Or not Uh, okay, let me start the show anime Vtuber day at Dodger Stadium. They don't like it when you bust their balls though, so I'm sorry Please don't send me any emails about it. It's fine. What you're doing is fine. I don't care. VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEE E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E as always is Sean the world touring, the whatever he is. LA based comedian, Sean the audio engineer. Nobody knows anymore. Vito finally smashed one of his toys. Did you see that?

No, I do now. He keeps saying how the bit of me smash, giving him a toy to weigh himself is bad and dumb, right? Yeah, yeah. And that even though I have good things to put in the box, I'll never give him any until he starts smashing the toys. And he's right. Until he gets into a regular, until he gets so disenfranchised with the bit and disappointed

and like angry and seething about it, and starts smashing them every week, I'm not putting something good in. And I told him that, but he still, he comes in this week and goes, I think you put something good in the box this week. There's no chance. No chance. So what was it? What is that? This one was a black Captain America. I don't know what this one was. I ran out of mother's milks. So now I'm stuck with other black guys. That's the bit. You get him to smash all the black characters Man I mean, I don't know that mother's milk is a shitty character. It's a gross. It's a terrible name It's a terrible name mother's milk like where did that you know think about that? Yeah, nobody wants this man. I don't know one So you had a good fourth of July did you yeah, it was fine Like where did that, yeah. I don't want to think about that. Yeah, I... Nobody wants this, man. I don't know. What are you doing?

So you had a good Fourth of July, did you? Yeah, it was fine. Yeah. Celebrate anything, anything in particular? No. No? Nah. That's good.

Not really. Yeah, me either. Don't really celebrate, you know. Celebrating is, celebrating is I think kind of for people with their fingers with their fingers in their ears and their eyes closed and no sense of smell. Yeah, that's true. That's a good way to put it.

I was down the street on 4th of July, getting some tacos from a taco vendor down there. Yes. And across the sidewalk from a taco vendor is like a little building of a taco store that's now, you know, dilapidated and defunct and it looks like shit. Yeah. And there's probably some homeless guys, you know, living in there, shooting up. Does it still?

It's all like blight, like urban blight. Does it still sell tacos though? No! Or is it, it's like a... No, presumably the owner could not afford the rent of the store, and went out of business, and couldn't keep up with the rental, right, or something, you know, like that happened, and they left, and nobody wanted it, Nobody could come in and open it up again. Yeah. Right?

And then right across from that, the sidewalk is a guy selling tacos outside of a van. Out of a van. Out of a van. And I think this is perfect. Yeah. Right? This is this urban decay. Yeah.

Looks like trash, right? It encourages criminality, et cetera. The person has it probably locked in at a low rate, the guy who owns this property, doing absolutely nothing with it, contributing, absolutely nothing. And then here, this guy is in a van, selling tacos, probably illegally,

out of the back of a van. That's it. Yeah, out of the back of a van. Yeah, chances are if he has like a cart that he sets up, he probably does of a van. Yeah, chances are if he has like a cart. Perfect. That he sets up, he probably does have a license. But if you're in a van, then you can like close up and I wasn't doing shit. Scoot.

Yeah, I'm getting out of here. Nobody has time for this. I picked up a new weight bench this week that I haven't been working out on. Oh yeah. Yeah. Is your old one like? My sister working out on. Oh yeah. Yeah. Cause you're old one like. My sister took it back. Oh, I see.

The boys are finally at an age when they're gonna start pretending to lift weights. Really? You know? How old? Junior high. Oh yeah. Junior high, high school is gonna be any minute, right?

I guess. That's when you really start pretending to work out. Irishman has gotta be like 11 or so, right? Cause he's like a few months older than my nieces, I think. Yeah. So they picked it up and I said, oh, okay, well, this is my favorite thing to do, right? Go get a new weight bench, weight set up.

Cause it takes time to really break in the bench, you know? You gotta get used to it. Like you get a different set of dumbbells It takes time to really break in the bench, you know? You gotta get used to it. Like you get a different set of dumbbells and it just feels the same weight. It's like, what the fuck am I doing? The balance can be weird. It's weird. How wide?

It's all weird. The height is different. It feels like you're breaking your back with putting your feet on the ground. Like the density of the, like the back pad. Yeah. You know, like, yeah, exactly. It's a little different. Yeah. I had really grown to you know grown into this one right so I go on

Craigslist or whatever it was because anything that's self-improvement just buy it used right? Yeah, yeah people buy it and they don't do it no totally I don't see the point of like ever buying new weights No like ever buying new weights. No like ever So I find a guy hit him up and head over to his place in Burbank. Yeah, I'm like, all right Well, this has got to be this is probably like a cholo with His weight set in the yard or something like that. Yeah Burbank in Burbank. I wasn't thinking so in Burbank. That was kind of in like the victory area You know, okay, not quite the nice area, but it was. I go through that area.

It's right on the other side where the buildings start, where it starts to get nice. And I said, you gotta be kidding me. This is the address. This is like a three story apartment building. Yeah, oh. So maybe he's got it. Maybe he just gave me this address for fun, right?

Maybe he's got it in the garage or something like that. People have a kind of a varied sense of humor. So I mean, I suppose he could think that was funny. Yeah, like, OK, yeah, I'm here. He's like, OK, yeah, I'll come down in a sec, comes down and goes, yep, it's it's right up these stairs. Yeah. So you have a bench like with a with a with like a weight rack. I was like 500 pounds of weights, like a normal weight bench with an Olympic barbell

and everything. So you're buying weights and everything too. The whole thing. Oh God, yeah. I had to replace everything. Oh boy. Yeah. I said, okay, so is it in the garage?

He goes, no, it's in my apartment, come on up. Do you have a... That much? Yeah. You took an entire, so I go in his apartment, sure enough, it's like the entire dining room area. Sure. It's just a rubber mat. Right.

With Olympic, you know, bench press. Workout area. You're in a tri-stack of the plates and a little thing. Oh, wow. What is this? Yeah. Do you bring people back to your... No I don't... To your weight room slash apartment?

You hauled all of this up three flights of stairs? Oh, he's on the third floor. What were you thinking to save a gym membership? This is not a way to live. You know, if you drop one of these off the side, it's going to go through two apartments and go through someone's car. Yeah. Did he make you carry them all down? He helped. apartments and go through someone's car. Yeah.

Did he make you carry him all down? He helped. Did he? Yeah, he helped. He took it apart while I was there. God, I, yeah, thanks, I guess. Was he getting a new one or is he just like, you know, I'm just not working out anymore. Oh.

It's always, yeah. I don't know, I had so many questions, but I don't wanna fuck with a guy who had a weight bench in his, who turned his dining room into a bench press machine. I'm like, man, I've driven through like Englewood. It's pretty bad when they have the weights in the front yard, but the dining room?

Yeah, I mean. There's something weird about what's going on here. Yeah, I guess, you know, I guess working out at whatever time he wants to is really important to him. Gotta get in a quick workout while I make this lasagna. Yeah, right? Never have I seen, never have I ever seen anything like that. I'm thinking, you know, you could have put it in the ad.

Three flights of stairs, you gotta, like... Well, you know, I mean, honestly... I might have tried to nickel and dime you a little bit, you know, for like 50 bucks off. He could have, just, I live on the third floor, so if you feel like you need help, bring a friend. Yeah, if you're over 30, don't buy these. Yeah, move, yeah, move along.

Buddy, I'm risking like two months of back injury during the summer with what you're making me do here. Do you understand that? That's the, like the hardest thing about getting older is just the little, even the minor stuff, just takes longer to go away. Yeah. Okay, let me see what else I have here.

What do I have here today? I saw a Titanic one-man show. Really? It was pretty funny. A Titanic one-man show. A guy doing the movie Titanic, but it was just like one gay guy. I mean, that sounds funny.

Yeah, it was really funny. Yeah. I can't remember his name, though. He's doing a Silence of the Lambs one. There we go. Wow. He really loved it. It was clear his enthusiasm for playing the woman row is really came through when he's weirdly wearing

like a corset and a dress pants for an hour and a half. I'm like, all right, this is starting to freak me out. And he was having sex with himself in the car. Jesus, really? You know that part of the Titanic where he puts the hand up? Yeah. It's like, draw me, draw me in your book, she says.

What the fuck? Draw me in your book. Yeah. And then they have sex. And he's like throwing his hand up. Were there props and everything? Yeah. There was like a- A whole thing. Where was this? I don't know.

Some fucking- I don't know. Some theater where you could tell it was gonna be gay the second I walked in. I'm like, all right, someone feels gay about this thing. I don't know what it is. Some fucking workout set off to the side. Get a few reps in before he hits the stage. Now, yeah, now I feel weird about my new bench press.

Right, I know. Because it's been in this weirdo's living dining room for God knows how long. The weird old rub off. And the fucking crease, honestly, I'm not happy about it at all. The crease on the bench, it's, so you have the butt part of the, it's one of these benches that turns into an incline.

Incline, decline, yeah. Which no one, which fucking half of one percent of people have ever used. Yeah. Nobody goes into their garage and says, wow, I would really like to do an incline or military press today. They've done it maybe once or twice and said, oh, fuck that, I'm never doing that again. So it's the seam where the butt seat meets the back, you know? Which may as well be one solid piece because I'm never gonna lift it up. Yeah, it just needs to be flat.

Yeah, is off, is like the butt part is too big. So it feels, I don't know why it feels like this. I have incredible form. Yeah. Okay. So it's not my form that's fucked up. Yeah. It feels like. You can feel like your back, you can feel it. I can feel it.

Like I feel like my back is ready to break. And the shoulder thing's a little bit too wide. So one of my shoulder blades is always. Huh. What a fucking disaster. Also, some kids can pretend to do pull-ups. What I had was perfect is what I'm saying. What I had was great.

And now I'm stuck with this for probably 10 years. Something happens every 10 years where you have to get a new weight bench. I don't know if you've found that to be true, but I absolutely have found that to be true. I haven't had a weight bench of my own for 10 years. So like I've always had gym membership, so I guess I haven't worn mine out yet, but I'm sure I will get to that point. And instead of a weight,

instead of having like, I don't know how to describe this, instead of having a, where the bar sits, right? Instead of having a U-shaped bracket, so you can clonk it in, right? It's one of those metal things with a big peg on it that you stick in the beam, right? And then it latches in, right? It's solid.

Right. You put the weights in, it goes, chah-chah-chah-chah, right? Every time you're done, you're like, chah-chah-chah, yeah! Right? Pumped! Boom! Right? Finished! Just like that. And it Yeah, right. Boom, right finish just like that

The whole thing yeah this this new one has these like like pegs No, it has I gotta show you it has like it's like kind of a you know a ski jump that giant ski jump where it's like a Big whoosh and then a little weep ramp at the end. Yeah, a little bit at the end. That's what it has sticking out. So when I'm putting it back on. Oh no, it could get momentum and roll off and jump and kill you. Kind of, yeah.

So I have to, at the very end of my workout, I have to go like, and I put it on, but I have to go way down to get it off, to pick it up off because those things go so far out. I have to go way far, too far down, and I'm trying to balance this with my butt being not, being far away from the seam, so the fucking rickety, you know, multi-purpose, no-purpose bench doesn't break my back. And then when I put it back on,

I have to go up until it hits the bar, and then like inch it forward like Indiana Jones like you know Swapping out the fucking bag of sand right with it Like really carefully and put it down because I'm also afraid the fucking shit's just gonna crack Yeah, God. I want to satisfy and Why don't they just? Yeah, what what's wrong with like the u-shape thing or like they kind of the square off and maybe this guy made it himself Doing weird shit in his dining room. I don't know.

But I hate it. I fucking hate it. Does it have a brand name on it? I don't know. I don't know. Some Russian brand name. Maybe did make it. It really sucks and I'm really pissed off about it. I'm so pissed off that I'm not- Usually when I miss workouts I'm upset.

Yeah. Feel bad but now I'm like, oh when I miss workouts, I'm upset, feel bad, but now I'm like, oh fuck, I don't want to deal with that fucking plate, butt seat, whatever. It feels like a school bus bench. The butt part, you know how they had that foam, it was like, and it felt like the seat was farting every time you sat in.

Cause the foam had no density to it. Something was weird, something was weird about it. Oh man, you know what else I encountered that made me rage this week? I've never felt a class, a difference in class like I have this week. Like you look at like billionaires, right? And you see like their yachts

and they got a bunch of horrors on them and stuff. You're like, well, maybe the yacht's cool, but it kind of seems like their yachts and they got a bunch of whores on them and stuff. You're like, well maybe the yacht's cool but it kind of seems like a pain in the ass, honestly. And I definitely don't want a bunch of women hanging around. On your yacht? Yeah, yeah, right? Like what am I gonna go out a yacht with like a bunch of guys? That's gay. What do I need to see the, I need to sit around in the ocean and have shitty Wi-Fi? Like what's the, it's not that great. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, you know. It'd be fun to take it, you know, places, but...

But where? Just to go out and like party like the same shit you could be doing on land. I don't know, I mean... I could have a party, you know? I could fire up OnlyFans or something and you know, sit there and party by myself with a bunch of screens of whores, you know? Yeah. Pretend I'm on a yacht, right? Same thing.

Yeah. And they have supercars. I don't give a shit about supercars. Hypercars, even. Hypercars are stupid. You know? Yeah. Like, oh, wow.

I've watched Top Gear. Like, I get it. Yeah. Yeah, but you don't understand. You can fly this to Oak Creek. What is that racetrack up there, up north of Bakersfield? Edwards? Oak Springs? Willow Springs. Willow Springs!

I think it's out by, I think it's like, uh, Rosemond. You could hire a car to go out there and then you could drive it for like 10 minutes. It's like, yeah, I don't really... It just sounds like everything that you see billionaires do just sounds like a huge pain in the ass. I don't do that shit even for free. Yeah, I know, I mean... Except somebody at my party is like a nanny for somebody who's super rich. Oh, yeah? And she, I caught a story she was telling and she goes,

so yeah, they, the kids just, they get Lego sets and then they throw them away. And I said, what? What is that? Hey, Dick, you gotta hear this. As he reaches for his gun and asks for an address. What is this? What did you say about Legos? Because we're the kids, they get new Lego sets and they build them and they throw them away.

I say, they build them and then they just throw the pieces in the trash? Like away? Literally tossed out the garbage. Like garbage, the Legos? You're talking about, you know, snap? Very expensive, too. Because, yeah, sometimes they don't even finish them.

I'm like, what? Why would they do this? So they can get the newest Lego set? I don't know. My Lego set's broken. Did you throw it away again? No? Okay.

It's done. I'm done playing with it. It goes in the trash. I sw- what is- I don't get it. What do you mean'm done playing with it. It goes in the trash. I say, whoa, what is, what do you mean? I've never felt a class difference like I had in that moment. I'm like, there's people are so rich. They're just buying Legos and throwing them in the fucking trash. I don't, yeah, I don't get it. Like I don't-

I have, I still own every Lego I was ever allowed to have in my life. Do you really? Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure. Yeah. Because it's, you're never getting, you're never getting more. There's a finite amount of Legos You're getting in your life as a kid when you're born There's a finite number of Legos you're getting and you're not getting any more than that So you got to keep sure if you're out of some kind of piece forget about it

Yeah, you don't get to know you're all that big, you know, you don't get to build two castles You could only build one and a half. Yeah, you a box into the other one. Right. And pretend that the Lego men are somehow living in a box. The regular castle and like the mother-in-law castle. Yeah. You gotta fight with GoBots with your Legos. I've heard this. We gotta go. We gotta go start raiding trash cans in Beverly Hills. Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? They probably throw out higher priced items than, you know, another next to the woods. Tell me when the trash goes out.

I'll be there. I'll wake up early. Throw away Lego sets. I'll dress like a trash man. That's crazy. And go rooting around, you know, for little... Yeah, right. The minifigs too, I said!

They're throwing the minifigs away too? Not possible, no way! She goes, yeah, the whole thing? Some of them still in the numbered plastic bags. What the fuck? That's bizarre. Pshh, couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe it.

Um, okay. Let't believe it. Okay. Let me see here. I got something with cops. Oh, project 2025. What's that? Did anything happen? Did anything funny happen this week? Did Biden, did they kick Biden out yet

or are they still trying to figure out how he's awesome and has it all together? They don't have it. There's no, they can't, they- So funny. No, they can't do anything. There's there's no They can't they so funny. No, they can't they can't do anything They can't sell you mean Just like you fuck up every plan you ever try to do just like all this

Poverty terror literacy like all the plans you've ever had Agoring fuck this up just like you fucked up all those Social Security's not gonna work Why well because you need more guys than we have to pay into it Who says it's stupid? You fucked this up just like you fucked up all of those? Social Security's not gonna work. Why? Well because you need more guys than we have to pay into it you fucking idiots. Plus it's going to boomers that are not poor. They have plenty of money. And not retiring.

And not retiring. Your system that you designed when it's working perfectly as you designed it is fucked up and broken. You mean they fucked something up again? That was easy to fuck up? Wow! Shocker! What could we have done? You could have replaced that guy, I don't know, four fucking years ago? You had four years to figure this out and you chose to just gaslight yourselves and pretend that you were gaslighting us! Yeah, that's right. How could this have happened to us? You did this to you? It's I just I scratch my head. I go you have no one to blame but yourselves

We can't let all these Illegals in if we're giving them entitlements and welfare and shit. What do you mean? Oh, well, it's like that old guy that you guys can't figure out how to get rid of that's how and but yeah Can't figure out how to get rid of that's how and but yeah Unbelievably inept just I mean simple math you didn't you just you just aren't showing up And what did you learn from it not a goddamn thing we got it crap We got a crackdown on these fucking conspiracy theories. They were luckily right again Well, what do you mean? They were luckily right again, because what? Because we've all been saying Biden's fucked for four years.

Oh, I mean my side. Like, you know, 80% of America. I don't know what my side is anymore. How more than half of the country is independent now. I'm serious, I mean. Because they're like, this is totally fucked. I don't give a fuck. Who's better at golf? Yeah, I don't know about that, but Biden has always been a stumbler. But it's been, no, before he was- Now he is straight up retarded.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's... sure. It's great. Sure. It's very plain to see. There's no way you can be that sharp. And now it's just... I mean, I think he just has moments of just like almost stroking out. Oh yeah. Good times. This is what it's come to. Here's something interesting.

Literacy rates. I read this. We got literacy rates in the 90s with a comically low bar. So the way we increase literacy rates is by, take a guess. I don't know, like restructuring the guidelines for what is literate? That's correct. Yes, okay.

There you go, yeah. So this is an example. This is an example of what one in six Americans. Just lower the standards. We'll get more people who are smart, right? Classic, yeah, war against the literacy. Wow, we're getting smarter! You know what we should do? All the tests are getting dumber.

We should make the literacy tests way easier. Oh, that's fucking great! Right, right. Why? So the literacy... No, no, no, we gotta have a reason. It works so well for the fucking police and fire departments. You mean you guys fucked something else up in the same way. That's amazing

One in six Americans can't do can't do this. This is okay one in six Americans is at least below literacy level one Level two requires answering a question by reading a paragraph Right of text and one is to six Americans can't do this. Okay, Sean, you want to test your reading proficiency? Not really. Preschool rules, welcome to our preschool. This is the test. We're looking forward to a great year of fun learning

and getting to know each other. Please take a moment to review our preschool rules. Please leave your child here by 9 a.m. Okay. Bring a small blanket or pillow and a soft toy. Dress your child comfortably. And then it's got a bunch of other rules. Okay. And I guess the question is what time, what, yeah, here's the question.

What is the latest time that children should arrive at preschool? Yeah. So can you, do you think you could read this? Yeah, I think so, yeah. And give the correct answer for that? Yeah. That makes you smarter than one and six that one question this one question will really baffle you Oh Oh is that oh?

Shit, I've been going around thinking people could read Right that's where I've been messing up. They can't fucking read. Oh, I see. Even if... It doesn't sound like they comprehend anything. So what's the Department of Education doing exactly? Even if they can sound out all the words, they don't know what these words mean. Are you getting it? Are you reading it like a dog watches television? Like, it's watching, yeah.

Is it understanding? Can it catch me up on... Can it catch my wife up on the plot when she wakes up after she picked this movie? Probably not. You know what I mean? Probably not. No, most likely not. We put a coyote program on, and Maddie was...

Oh, did she go, yeah. She's like, yeah. Because sometimes the coyotes are hunting stuff, and she's like, you know. And sometimes they're getting chased, and she's like, oh man, are you okay? Yeah. What's going on here? Yeah, well she sees a lot of coyotes around here.

Yeah, she fucking hates them. She'll wake up out of a dead sleep. Oh, when they bark and yell and shit like that. Oh yeah, yeah. I think she got scared as a puppy of them. Yeah. And then now she's like traumatized by them. So she gets mad at them.

She wants to, like, if we're walking her through the neighborhood and a pack comes by us, we have to, if we just hold the leash, she will strangle herself. Yeah. So we have to physically like either hold her a harness or she'll go. Oh, wow. She'll go, that's a get after.

Really crazy. Never see her do that. I think mine just wants to, we see them in the neighborhood occasionally and I think she just wants to play with them. Like that's another dog, but she's so nuts that she's like spinning like 360s on the end of her leash and then trying to go. I think I told this story, it's the one time that I've seen a coyote with like a worried look. Oh, yeah.

Like what the fuck? And they just trotted on like right, yeah. Like ran off like this is not behaving in a way that I understand or wanna find out about. When they start spinning, I don't like that spinning shit. Yeah, what is going on? Here, there's a new billboard that's gone up. Delete your OnlyFans, stop simping. Stop simping, save our families and communities.

Well, I mean- Paid for by no-sims.org. You know what, I like it. I wonder who.org. You know what, I like it. I wonder who they are. I like it, I like it. Because people are spending stupid amounts of money on it. Way too much money. A couple bucks, you know, patreon.com slash The Dick Show,

20 bucks, five bucks. You get some hot comedy. You support the show. Maddox hates it. Yeah, that's reason enough. Oh God, I got a good one from him too. Dude, I've been laughing all week about his shirt within a shirt thing.

It's so funny. It's just, he's just like, it's the, he's the gift that keeps on giving. It's just these little things that come out. It's like, oh, he doesn't understand that. He's getting emboldened now. Is he? Well, I think he is getting emboldened

cause everyone hates me now. Cause I've been so aggressive about the comic book shit. Because I've been attacking Eric Tsai's $10 million comic book empire, and so many people are relying on his con for their con to work out. Like selling $35... Selling any comic book that's that shitty is a scam so they're all lining up to sell I mean nobody even shittier comics if you get somebody alone Anybody is most die-hard fans, and you get them. It's like this is totally off the record No one will know except you and me I can't believe that anybody would say

I can't believe that anybody would say yeah, I feel like I got what I paid for yeah I can't believe that anybody would say that fight a culture war that doesn't exist Yeah, like they're paying it's like they should just go to Netflix and throw quarters at the side of the building Well, that's what they're doing and politicians get people on those trains all the time But at least that's like a pure scam, you know a pure scam. Yeah, yeah, at least you might get Jill Stein, you know? A pure scam, yeah. Yeah, at least you might get a Jill Stein, you know, at least you're going to, it's going to have some effect. That money is going to be turned into marketing, right? You're getting what you pay for.

Yeah, yeah. With the comic book, you're not even getting that. Like, it's sort of like a politician to run against Disney. I don't know. I find, I hate the whole thing. Yeah, I know. I hate the whole thing because it's so bad. It didn't have to be so bad. You could have hired some...

I've been over it a million times. But everybody, all these YouTubers are now lining up to do for their turn, to scam their audience with something shitty. Some shitty afterthought of a comic book that has no story. And then just open up a million other characters

or worlds or whatever It's like just all want to you know, dude some quick cash to ice on out, right? Yeah, the third one. I don't know when the third one's coming up. I can't wait though. It's gonna be it's gonna wrap it all up Wrap it all up the hell monkeys The hookers. Yeah, the truck. It's all coming together. The third one. To create like a retard Voltron. With only three bits. The two legs and one head.

So now all these other guys who were lining up for their turn to scam their audience all hate me now because I'm the only one saying, all this sucks that you guys are making it's all like shit. Well it's just it's it's bad. I mean he it's the whole like I know best I'm not listening to I mean he's he's like George in that regard. Yeah.

It's just like no it's my idea so I know how every aspect of this should be done. I know how that should be done and it's's just like, it's from that live act, from the trailers, like, I mean, there's just, there's such a difference between that and like a professional standard. Yeah. And I brought all that up because the, this contingent of, you know, this group of people

are now trying to rally behind Maddox like null is what now it's like a reimagining of Maddox now they're pretending really that Maddox was actually he actually does have a point so they're like trying to re-conceptualize and re-uh what's the contextualize yeah the Maddox's insanity um It's transparent and it's obviously retarded. Everyone knows it, but that's like the little gay game that they're doing, right? To get back at me for this. Yeah. So what I'm saying is they're emboldening him, but I think he knows it's a scam.

Really? Yeah, and so he's like reticent about it, which he should be, but it's still- it's gonna be funny either way. This is what he said to Patreon. Uh, ha ha ha. Oh yeah, so somebody says, Patreon support, uh, why do you take forever to support your members? You have one job. And any- anytime anybody talks to Patreon, Maddox jumps in and tries to get my account. Ha ha ha. These Patreon support requests are identical to mine. Patreon support doesn't care.

Oh, thank you. This is a huge scandal waiting to hit when anyone looks into what an absolute, abject joke their indifferent support team is. Remember, cause he sued them? Yes. Have you tried, somebody says, have you tried calling people in their SEC disclosures?

Good idea. So he's going to hit up everybody in there. Everybody at the hedge fund that invested in Patreon. Good luck with that. Yeah, good luck with that. NoSims.org anyway. Hot damn. NoSims.

Big billboard. Delete your OnlyFans. Stop simping. Save our families and communities. Okay. And, uh, I'm OnlyFans, stop simping, save our families and communities, okay. And this is their site. Be a F King legend.

Be a fucking legend. And it's got a stop sign with simp. Yeah. Ah, hmm. I like it. Do you think this is a, do you think a Christian group is sponsoring this by chance? Well, I because that I the fuck the fucking censored. Yeah, we think it's a Christian group. Oh, I'm censoring this

No, I'm sure love not swearing normal people. They either swear they don't yeah, but they don't make a big deal. Don't swear right specifically. Yeah Yeah, no, probably. Yeah. I mean, save our families and communities. Yeah, of course. It's a right-wing Christian group. Yeah, right? Sure. I didn't think that until seeing that. Well...

And they're trying to make it look as if like... Organic. Well, they're trying to make it look hip, kind of. Like it could be done by... They missed it by this much. Yeah, missed it by a little bit. They missed it by this much. Save our families and communities. Usually that means black people, doesn't it?

Communities? Maybe sometimes Mexican never has meant white. I mean, I've heard that. White community? Yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just start comm...

Now, in a wallet with legs, chasing after... Guys, you gotta work on your color scheme here. Yeah. Chasing after someone who only sees dollar signs uh not true that's not really what it means not true your only fans save our families and communities I guarantee you somebody was like could we put like simp for Jesus but like they're like no then they're gonna know who we are like let's see if they left any clues just a bunch of fucking prudes and Yeah, and that source code oh

You got anything here any made by anything no sims shops I'll look at it later F F dollar sign CK Simp dollar sign, CK, simp, dollar sign. Right. That's weird. F, dollar sign, fuck simps? Fuck simps.

That's not really very nice. No. I think alienating simps is what drives them to these whores in the first place. What can I learn more about? Fuck simps, Delete your only fans? Home. Build. Empower. Identify. Unite. Stop using. Oh, that's a direct link to only fans? Oh man. Okay, that's a bad idea. No simping. Was that what it was? No simping... no simps.org.

They had a protest. I kind of wanted to do it. Because I think it's funny. It's pretty funny. To do the no simping thing. But not if they're going to be so mean about it. Yeah. Right. Empower. Okay? Empower. It's all the same thing.

Yeah, what the fuck? Why don't you guys don't be no simp? Uh, okay. That's kind of- So there's a white guy right here, right? Like overly- like a too big of a beard caricature of a man. Which is kind of fucking weird and dumb to keep hitting on. Like you need to look like- it's fucking with guys' brains.

Now I gotta know like what group is behind this. But then there's a black guy over here. Yeah. That looks like Tupac holding a, and then there's a, this is for Mexicans in the middle. Could be. Like a car with rims on it. Could be.

Hmm. We're here to put an end to the epidemic of simping and restore men to their rightful place of strength and dignity Tired of the nonsense we know Join our unstoppable movement dedicated to breaking the chains of since And watch your confidence and purpose sky rot is this like hustlers University shit I mean see that it also has it also has a an air of that doesn't guys

Oh look button text little says right there little oh nice I mean, see, it also has an air of that, doesn't it? It does. Oh, look, button text says right there. Little, oh, nice, you should probably fix that in the code. Gold diggers. Okay. Not simping ain't easy. As long as there has been man, there has been simps. Simp is a man who goes above and beyond in his devotion to a woman or person of power

status in his devotion to a woman or person of power status in his life. That's sounds like a black guy wrote it. Yeah, it's possible. No simple donation. Oh, you got a hundred bucks. 100, 250 or 500. For this shitty website? What? What?

Okay. What are you? What are you donating to exactly? This sounds like it should be just more of an awareness. Hey, don't do it. Yeah. Like what are you wasting your money. Therapy session with a...

Licensed therapist specializing in relationship. And self-esteem issues. For 250 bucks. That's kind of a good deal. Fix that break after the... No simps bobblehead. I want one of those. Not for 500 bucks though. Would you do it for 250? That's too much. Oh you don't get it. Fuck, you don't get it for the 250. I don't have a simping problem. Yeah I know. No simps coffee table book. Simps support. I don't want a no simps coffee table book. A coffee table book. Receives an online course.

Hardcover. Receives an online course. Hardcover! Hahaha! The Sims recovery coffee table book? Beautiful dust jacket. Uh... Receives an online courses, therapy sessions. Receives an online courses. Life coaching call. What's the online course about not simping?

It's like that literacy course. This is very weird. This is all over the place. Fucking legend. No simps left to give. Did an AI come up with these? Every time I hear like... What's this old Latina lady doing with a no simp shirt? I don't know. Yeah, no, she hates it. Yeah, right. 213... Oh, okay. Is it Beverly Hills, the address? What? Where did this go? It doesn't say P.O. Box Uh oh A Jiu Jitsu store?

I don't know Well, that's his number 135 Weird There it is Don't anybody fucking donate to that shit I know you're not getting your money's worth Like a no-sint pledge? Should be like no ma'am Don't anybody fucking donate to that shit. I know you're not getting your money's worth. Like a no-sint pledge. Should be like, no, ma'am.

You know? Yeah. Okay, here's a lady who ran a race and then had a speech about it. Some cops on their phones. Man, I went to NPR, the NPR website. Like, just I landed there for some reason. And every story was like, just totally I landed there for some reason. Oh, yeah?

And every story was like, just totally insane. I couldn't believe it. Yeah. What the f— What the fuck are you guys talking about over there and listening to? Yeah, okay. Here's the lady who ran a race. Okay, what's her name?

Women's 100-meter hurt— 100-meter hurdles star. Uh, is this, uh, okay, what's her name? Women's 100 meter hurdles star, Alaysha Johnson starts crying after she qualified for the Olympics. Okay, that's pretty, that's cool though. I mean, you know, even guys do that. Olympics a big deal for, uh, midwits. Well until they grow up and realize that they've been fucked, you know? What do you mean I don't have a career?

Yeah, or like, you know, you get the talent to work for free. Yeah. Oh, you guys made how much off this Olympics? Shit, what do I get? You get this medallion. Is it real gold? I don't think so. You get the chance to represent your country. There's no higher honor I don't want to represent my country fucking sucks. There's no greater honor. That's you know alright here We go I mean if they feel that way then I guess they did get what they then I guess that is payment for them if They really feel like they 100% don't care, but they are they seriously it's like being on TV and doing sports Yeah, it means more than like anything.

It means more to them than anything could ever possibly mean to URI. It's just an amazing business model that like, you know, where the talent is just, it reminds me of... Literally tripping over themselves to do it for free. To do it for free. Yeah. It's almost... Bleed, blood and sweat. Almost traditionally the record business.

It was the whole guy. Mm-hmm. It was, oh, God. I already knew. Yeah. I already knew before the season started what was coming for me. Okay. All right. I literally, I knew it was the easiest thing to do. Oh, easy. Because everybody all the time said that I wasn't good enough, said that I didn't deserve.

And so I did this my way. Really? Everybody all the time? In just the way that it was meant to be. This is for the hood babies. This is for the hood babies. This is for the hood babies. This is for the hood babies.

This is for the hood babies. This is for the hood babies. This is for the hood babies. This is for the hood babies. This is for the hood babies. This is for the hood babies. good enough so that I didn't deserve. And so I did this my way. Really? Everybody all the time? I mean, just the way that it was meant to be. This is for the hood babies. This is for the people who are poor and they come from nothing. This is for everybody that looks like me, that's ever doubted. And I did it with a black designer on my chest.

This is what I stand for. And I'm making a way for everybody in my position. Sean, finally a black sprinter. Finally a black athlete going to the Olympics. This is a momentous. It's groundbreaking. Finally a hood baby comes from nothing, comes from the ghetto. Literally, where everyone is united at making, at driving athletes to excellence.

Probably the most supportive of athletes on the entire face of the planet Earth in human history. I just love like everybody said I wasn't good enough. Like I just picture like, who are you, pre-fontaine? Is he saying that? Yeah, like a coach. The white runner? You'll never make it.

You suck. You fucking suck. The whole team hates you! Yeah, yeah. What are you talking about? What is this speech? It's like a Miss USA, like a Teen Miss USA speech. Yeah. This is for everyone who didn't believe in- everybody there wants you to win!

Yeah, totally. God damn! Get the chip off your fucking shoulder! Well, you know, it's funny, they talk about, like, Michael Jordan, I mean, the stories are that, like, he used to, he used to make things up that people said about him. Like hard chips? Like, almost like, like he just like- Criticisms. Yeah, criticism, yeah, like where he felt like

he had to, like, shove it down people's throats. Like, I don't know if that's true or not, but like, I think athletes do have that kind of thing. Like, I've always been the underdog. Like, I've always, you know, like, I don't know. Yeah, they learn it, though. No, it's learned, yeah, it's learned. They'll even go so far as to fake it, like you're saying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This accomplishment, my accomplishment means more because everyone said I couldn't do it. Right. Like, your teams of people that are like focus testing how your lashes should be today. Yeah, not like I worked my ass off. Like I have natural talent, I worked my ass off, and like I happen to be the best one here. Everyone hated me.

But you know, there are a lot of athletes that like I couldn't have done it without my parents. My coach makes me eat shit every day. But this one was- Because he hates me so much. This one was funny. This is for all the people who look like me. Yeah. Oh. You mean everyone else in the race?

Dude, if America sends a white sprinter to the Olympics, like we have fucked up. We have fucked up bad. Like we don't want... Something's going on. Yeah, something's going on- Something's going on. Yeah, something's going on. Something's going on. Yeah, no, no, wait a minute. Isn't there a black guy who could fill in?

Are you sure- Anybody. Are you sure he qualified? Was he doping? Was he doping? Go to a high school. Make sure that that, make sure that guy's clean. Oh God, are you ready for the steroid Olympics?

That's the one thing I need more of, the Olympics. Sure, sure. Peter Thiel's doing this dumb steroid Olympics. Really? Boomers are. Well that came from SNL, like 20 years ago, the All Drug Olympics. I remember that one.

Yeah, where they got, he put. That's about as much as that I want. Yeah, he pulls his arms off, and is shooting blood out of the. Okay, here's, well here's what men are doing. Let's see here. Masculinity retreat, I think. Yeah, here we go.

You ever wanted to go to, we've looked in these masculine. Yeah, these are pretty great. This one, I think this is one. I don't really know. They're all wearing something. It's definitely something that's happening. They all have to wear blue either.

It's a bunch of guys and they're in a hot spring and it looks like they've kind of paired off like one guy is like floating with his head up. They're all looking like they're about to cry. They are all pretending to be in a Renaissance painting. Is this guy hugging the other guy who's floating on his back? Yeah, and then they all have like a support guy there that's holding them up or hugging them. I don't know.

Let's see. Oh, they're crying. Dude, these are the guys who think therapy is gay and somehow they have pole vaulted over that line like to an incredible extent. I promise you half of the people in this pool are therapists. Every woman in this montage is a therapist. I guarantee it. Wait, there's a woman? There's gotta be one at least. I don't think so. This is a therapist. I guarantee it. There's a woman?

There's gotta be one at least. I don't think so. This is a men's retreat. Nah, these are... No, there's a guru. It's a guru and a bunch of guys who are looking for answers. Which is... What is this shot?

Is he like Spider-Man? This is actually the synchronized swimming team for the next- Synchronized crying? That'd be a good Olympic sport. I would watch that. Yeah. No, I think there's a woman in there. There's gotta be at least one. There's no way guys are behaving like this by themselves. Yeah, they definitely are. They gotta throw one in there to spice it up though, like the Smurfs.

Like these guys are just sitting around doing nothing. Throw a woman in there, they'll start crying or Yeah, they'll start fighting. Yeah, do stupid shit There's a woman. That's a woman. What look right there. See she's got her hair pulled that back. You sure that's a woman Man, I don't know it's not an all-man retreat? It's not a socially man retreat. It's like an all- yeah. Is it a gay thing? I don't know.

That's the thing. People send me this shit. Well, I know, people post shit, but it's like, where did, you know, where did it come from? Nobody bothers to check any of the background. Yeah. That much I do know. Neil Gayman's getting me-tude. Oh, really?

Yeah. Huh. Oh really? Yeah. Huh. That writer. Yeah. Cause a woman had rough sex with him. Yeah. Whoa. Man, they're just bragging about it.

You're gonna fucking like Trevor Bauer him. Yeah. Yeah. I think this is just like a normal encounter though. Yeah. That Bauer bitch was a total scam artist. Oh, I know. No, I know, Trevor, he was completely innocent.

He got fucking, and it's this whole thing where it's like baseball, like we can't admit we were wrong. Yeah. We all like cut ties. That sucks. Because the reaction was so severe that it's like, we're gonna look like assholes. Like, no, you look like bigger assholes.

You look like way bigger assholes. Way bigger assholes. Like truly getting punished for something that he didn't do. And that like the chick did to him maliciously. Yeah, and told her- You helped her to her evil plan. Told her sponsor about it. Yeah. Yeah.

You took something evil that somebody was doing against your guy and made it way worse and helped her about it. Yeah. Yeah. You took something evil that somebody was doing against your guy and made it way worse and helped her do it. It sucks that they're not. And now they're having pedophile night at Dodger Stadium. The allegations span two decades and concern young women who came into contact with Gay Man, the 63 year old bestselling author of The Sandman,

good omens in American Gods as a nanny to his child and a fan of his writing. The nanny, you fucked the nanny? Oh man, shit where you eat. That's kind of a common thing though. Fucking the nanny. Yeah. Yeah.

How do they not know You know yeah, we're hiring a nanny you're gonna fuck her right? Yeah, probably try to fuck her. Yeah, no Come on. Yeah, of course you are. Look at her, right? Why would you not right? How could you not? No one has that kind of self-control Yeah, you're telling me you're never gonna get a little drunk or whatever around and she happens to be no no no nothing Never I bat 1000 You know every game Tiger Woods wife was a nanny for another player. Oh really golfer yeah

Scarlet 23 Alleges that gay man sexually assaulted her within hours Really Wow alleges that gay man sexually assaulted her within hours. Their first meeting. Really? Wow. Gay man is one of these fucking clowns who is like, oh, we have to support women and they're survivors and we have that now more than ever they need our support. Like, oh yeah.

Supporting them one digit at a time. Their first meeting in February in a bath at his New Zealand residence where she worked as a nanny to his child Tortoise under is tortoise the child's name tortoise understands that gay man's account Is that they only cuddled and made out in the bath and that he had established consent for this What tortoise I guess it'd be kind of it'd be kind of hard to non-consensually take a bath together with somebody. Right? Because you're all slippery. How are you going to keep them in there? I don't know. I mean...

Slipper off. You grabbing them, you know, slip right out of your hands. I don't know. Wear like a rubber glove. Like if you're trying to keep a dog in the bath, you're not keeping the dog in the bath. And if humans even more gangly, you know? Yeah, true. Gangly and bitey, yeah. Cause dog won't try to bite you. It'll just be like,

No, probably not, yeah. His position is that over the three week sexual relationship that followed, they only ever engaged in consensual digital penetration. Wow, they? Both of them were doing it? Yeah. That's a spicy bath.

Right. Right. How does she reach? That's what was really going on in that floating pool. So this other guy's one hit. Yeah. That's what it was. Oh, I believe it then. The second woman, Kay, was 18 when she met Gay Man at a book signing in Sarasota, Florida in 2003.

She began a romantic relationship with him when she turned 20. Wow. And Gay Man was in his mid-40s. That's not necessary to say. But alleges that she submitted to rough and painful sex that she neither wanted nor enjoyed. Is there any other way? In one incident, she alleges gay man penetrated her despite her asking him not to as she was suffering from a painful infection.

Wow. A vagina infection? I mean, that's what that leads me to believe. Of a painful vagina infection? A yeast infection? Is that what she had? to believe, I mean. I have a painful vagina infection? A yeast infection? Is that what she had? Probably not an ear infection. Oh yeah.

Don't fuck me, I'm an ear infection. Said no one ever. Well, they probably have said that. I was just about to say that. Hmm. Asking him not to. Gay man's position is that he denies any unlawful behavior with Kay and is disturbed by her allegations.

Oh yeah. I'm fucking disturbed as shit. That bitch. Well, the thing is unlawful doesn't really matter, does it? It's just the narrative that people believe. I mean, that's the... Yeah. Yeah.

Lots of people have been canceled, or know, or definitely been, had attempted a fucking 20-year-old. Canceling, you know, based on nothing illegal. You fucked an adult with a yeast infection and now she's crying about it? How long, how much later? 20 years later? Okay, cool. Uh, Tortoise understands that he believes Kay's allegations are motivated by her regret

over their relationship and that Scarlett was suffering from a condition associated with false memories at the time. Oh, that didn't even happen? Shit, man. A claim which is not supported by her medical records and medical history. Oh, she doesn't have a medical history of making shit up. So she's clearly telling the truth about the consensual bath. Yeah, I think most people who make-

What an amazing time we live in. Most people who make shit up do not have like a documented history of, you know, in looking for- Doctor, can you please- This bitch makes shit up all the time! Yeah, or you know, it's- Yeah, if you do, it's probably pretty well known that you do this all the time, as opposed to just being- You know how much you have to lie to get a doctor to say you lie all the time? A lie.

Yeah, you're gonna be diagnosed with something else. This guy says she's making it shit up, but there's no medical history of her making shit up. Yeah, well that- Oh, that's amazing, thanks. That's- Great article. Yeah, has nothing to do with anything. But then people take it. I mean, one sixth of the people can't even read what the guy's writing.

I know. So they just believe it. They drop their kids off way too late. They drop their kids off at 9pm. Yeah, right. God damn it. I had no idea. Yeah. Why didn't someone tell me?

Yeah, rough and painful sex she neither wanted or enjoyed. What do you mean, or enjoyed? You're saying that she could have enjoyed it if she didn't want it? That's a little... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. ...rapey, isn't it? Yeah. You can't say that

Fuck you okay, whatever Cows have come home gay man the cows have come home to roast Let's see 30% tip I don't know and then we'll do some comments alright 20 Don't know and then we'll do some comments. All right 20 Bicyclers being pieces of shit The New York Times wrote an article saying the First Amendment is out of control July 2nd. Oh really this is an op-ed Yeah I don't know what I don't think that was a really good time to release that.

The First Amendment, this guy says, the First Amendment was written in the 18th century with the noble and vitally important goal of ensuring robust political debate and a free press. Kind of. For much of American history, the First Amendment cases involving speech typically concerned political dissenters, religious outcasts, intrepid journalists. Oh, fuck you.

Did you watch that Civil War movie? No, no. It's about how great journalists are. Like they have a pretend Civil War but they don't tell you which side is which. Gotcha. It's about how brave journalists are. It's so fucking annoying. Like they have a pretend civil war, but they don't tell you which side is which. Oh, gotcha. Oh, okay, no, I've heard about it. And it's about how brave journalists are.

It's so fucking annoying. Yeah, it's love letter to themselves. Yeah, yeah. And others whose ability to express their views was threatened by a powerful and sometimes overbearing state. Not really, the original drafts of the First Amendment are more about not intruding on consciousness. You're not allowed to, religion is a big one,

not forcing people to be in any religion is a big one. And the idea of people being an individual with their own thoughts and ideas and that the government has no right to interfere with those. It's not about fucking journalists and this shit that you're saying. Yeah, but what went to press was more like, you know, freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom of the press. Yeah, it's annoying that they that they just take what was on the Bill of Rights. They're like, okay, there it is. No, they've tried, like they rewrote and they wrote many different versions of that that they all thought were good enough to go on

it that you should probably be looking at. Yeah But people are trying to you know, interpret what's written years later. Yeah, I mean like it's like well, this is what's in print I Think they're just crying about Florida laws. Yeah Let's see maybe one more. Oh Yeah, this, this is interesting. No, not that one. This one. Holocaust Museum opens a George Floyd exhibit.

For real? I can't believe that's true. Let's see. Museum. It's Milo, so who knows? Museum opens George Floyd. Because like, I mean, they pretty much have a like TM next to Holocaust. You know what I mean?

Like, why is a Holocaust museum putting on a George Floyd exhibition? Why indeed? Provoked uproar within the Jewish community. Okay, obvious, right? What about the black Israelites? What did they say? When a George Floyd exhibit was announced at a Florida Holocaust museum,

overlapping today's Holocaust Mural Day. This is like a Holocaust Museum in somebody's garage. Like one of those. It provoked uproar within the Jewish community. Yeah. Featuring photos taken at the spot where Floyd died. The exhibition implied comparison between Floyd and the Shoah left many feeling outraged. What's Shoah?

Jewish? I don't know. I mean, yeah, I would think so, but... In a later statement, the museum offered its rationale. That's not necessary. No. Oh, okay. So, they're saying that George Floyd was a Holocaust of one. When someone faces an act of anti-Semitism, racism, or any form of identity-based hate, whether it results in death or not, there's an uprising of anti-Semitism, racism, or any form of identity-based hate, whether it results in death or not, there's an uprising of many emotions. We felt it was important to bring the human experience of the aftermath to our museum.

Holocaust memorials. Florida. Even in Florida, the Holocaust museums are fucked up. In Florida, even the Holocaust museums are like that. Yeah. Anytime there's any kind of injustice at all, it's a Holocaust. And we're gonna- A Holocaust of one. It used to be an army of one.

Yeah, that's the, it could have been an army of one. It's a Holocaust of one. Well, if you join the army, you could be involved in a Holocaust. I gotta see that email chain. Yeah. Oh, no, that's, I always- Director, you know, I wanna see how this-

How did this happen? I had a couple martinis at lunch with the, you know, the crew and we thought, why don't we do a little George Floyd shrine? I wanna see if anybody kind of like, you know- Gave some pushback. Subtly pipes, yeah, little pushback, but in- I don't think this is appropriate.

But in like an ass kissy way, so they don't upset the big guy with the idea. I wanna see what pushed it over. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I would love to see that. And who pitched it.

Who's working at this Holocaust museum? Of course. Well, that's cool. Yeah. Okay, comments. That'd probably be like, uh, disappointing, right? You go into the Holocaust Museum and there's a... George Floyd. Well, I'm sure Jewish people are obviously not happy about it.

You know, imagine you're Nick Cannon and you have to go to a Holocaust Museum because you said something anti-Semitic or you're Kanye, right? You walk in and there's George Floyd. Yeah. Come on. Yeah, I mean, there was a big uproar when, I mean, they really want, if you're referring to Armenia or anything, they want you to call it like the Armenian, they don't want it called Holocaust.

Oh yeah, yeah, they want it like, yeah, like Armenian genocide, like something. Yeah. Yeah, they want to like, yeah like Armenian genocide like something. Yeah, they yeah, they don't want they don't want that word associated with anybody Palestinian genocide they want you to call it But yeah, definitely not that. Okay a follow-up on Colorado. I will I forgot to mention This is that guy that wrote about going to Colorado last week. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I forgot to mention my friends a bit manic going to Colorado last week. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot to mention my friend's a bit manic.

He abused drugs and is lost in the liquor right now. We've known each other for about 10 years. One of the ladies I'm fucking right now is his sister. I fucked her at the birthday bonfire. This sounds like an episode of Suits. Some sort of like life that I see on television. She hit me up to come over to her place last night. I gladly went over.

This dude dated two of my exes. How I see it, I'm just playing by his rules. Am I crossing a line here? I mean, I don't know. You guys are all adults, right? I mean. Yeah. Probably.

I don't know. I don't know. It totally doesn't matter. It totally depends. It's arbitrary. None of this shit matters Dave N. Hey dick check this out. You can turn hard books into easy books. Okay. That's cool. Let's see This is an ad an ad for Magibook. Turn hard books into easy books with Magibook. Maximize your reading potential and avoid difficult language today.

And then there's a rocket ship. And the example of a hard book is the Great Gatsby. Is this real? Let me see if I can install this. I know. Yeah. Magibook? Okay. It's a huge app store. The example of a hard book is the Great Gatsby. It says, in my younger and more vulnerable years,

my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. And that escaped. And the... Five out of six, or... Probably escaped five out of six. A little more, you know, difficult than 9 a.m. Um...

Magibooks, simplified... Magibook AI, simplified books. Wow, okay, and the easy version is... Makes sense. When I was young, my dad told me something that I still think about. Fuck off. They're going to start having to translate these into like different, like for different- Sounds.

Ethnic groups maybe? They're already doing that. Yeah. Okay. So the new great Gatsby is when I was young, my dad told me something that I still think about. Because like people were like, what is father or father? What does father mean? Like what, oh dad, father is dad, got it. Dude, AI is so stupid. They're spending, I've been telling Vito this for a while.

They are spending like, they're spending billions, let me see, let me find it. It's billions of dollars to run all these processors to make AI, but none of it does anything. You can give it data, it takes in the data, but then what it turns, what it gives you back might be total shit. When do you think it's gonna get good? Never. I don't think it can. It has no, what it is, the LLMs right now that they're using, the technology that they're using, the process, it has no way to conceive of ideas at all. It's just, it just regurgitates like what it read.

Wouldn't they be working on that though? But it's not related to to, conceptually it's related cause you see the machine talking and you think, well, maybe they'll make it start like thinking more better. But it's, I'm trying to think of an analogy. It'll just talk more better, but it won't think more better. It's like trying to make a dog talk. Like you can make the dog make the sounds,

but it does not have, you're not making it any smarter. Well, it doesn't have the brain. Yeah Yeah, there's no brain involved at all in this AI shit and everybody working at open AI is running with this preposterous lie that the computers are getting smarter somehow But if that is not reflected by the technology in any way that's it at all That is not reflected by the technology in any way. Oh, that's interesting. At all. Because they have this giant bubble of...

Nvidia is like the most expensive company in the world now because of all this shit. Magibook. This is their killer app. Yeah. Hey, we got this... We got large language models, right? You can give it a bunch of information. It will spit it out.

Yeah, sure. Oh, okay. Can it do like, summarize like legal stuff? Kind of, but it's not accurate. How not accurate? You can't rely on it at all. Yeah. Can it help with like a like customer service? Yeah, we can put like a we can put a phone We can put like a search thing where you can search a forum that everybody hates, you know? Yeah, like does this help you with your problem? No, let me talk to somebody. We'll put a little thing in between there that reads the forum and then tries to give them a summary

of the shit that they already saw and they hate before connecting you with a customer service. And how much will that cost? Oh, hundreds of millions of dollars. Oh, sure, of course. Okay, that doesn't sound very good. We could just pay an Indian guy to, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How about a book?

Books are hard, right? How about an app that reads all the books and makes a more dumber sounding version of the book? That's life changing, right? World changing, man. How often have you been sitting around wanting a shitty version of a book? Wondering what Father was.

That's AI. Okay, yeah, that's dumb. Sounds good. Dave, thanks for sending that in. Uh, uh, uh, uh, woman alert. Manny Muskets. I got one. I want to.

Woman alert. You have a woman alert? Yeah, it's. Woman alert. I remembered it. You gotta go to YouTube, but yeah, do that. Okay. You wanna do mine?

You wanna do yours? Yeah, I'll do yours. Okay. It's just one of my, it's one of my favorite things. Just go to YouTube. Just type in a female golfer hits crowd. It'll come up. Okay, yes.

This one? Yep, that top one. Female golfer shanks golf ball into the crowd. Yeah, so okay She hits this old lady, okay, she just just bends down lock and load right? Yeah Make her cut it out somebody else Pitch the same woman. Was she on the ground? Yeah, let's see.

Do you fucking idiots need to be told to get out of the way. Can we ask you all to move? Back over here please. Do you fucking idiots need to be told to get out of the way at this point? It's so funny. I mean she hits two identical fucking shots. One with the woman on the ground. I just don't want to make her cut it out. She's just killing us out here. God I love that one. And just the look on her face.

Can you believe that? I mean they're making such a big deal about this Yeah, why are they there fucking gallery killers? Okay, man, you must get so let's see what you got here I'm gonna learn Camila says some girl just crashed into me and we both some girl just crashed into me and we both didn't know what to do. So we called our dads and we're just standing here holding our phones together. In the middle of the road. So our dads can talk to each other.

Oh my God. That's well, I totally believe that. Good. It's because of that. Was it last week, the guy called in with a voicemail about like people whose like cars are perfectly drivable, just stopping in the lane where they tapped each other's. Dude. It's a crime scene, I gotta get outta here.

Pull the fuck over, you stupid mother fucker. I cannot fucking believe that that isn't just automatic. Well, I mean, look. Is my car still going? But I, dude, I see- I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do either. I've seen guys do it and it makes me out insane Yeah

Guys like this, let me see Here's Dave Portnoy He's uh runs a gambling site. Mm-hmm. You know him. I don't have him. No This is him hammering in a fence, he says. I went full alpha male mode today by putting a fence in so the peaches, oh, so peaches, the dog couldn't escape. Boy, he wields that thing like an alpha male, doesn't he? Look at this, that's, yeah. I'm starting to think the Jews didn't kill Jesus

if this is how they work a hammer and a nail. Oh, Dave, come on, man. Who? And he posted this? Yeah, I don't know. Or is it supposed to be funny? Is he a is he a fucking comedian? He's not a comedian. No, I mean, not funny.

No, not. Oh, God. Why did he get spiky wood? Oh god. Why did he get spiky wood? Why did he get stakes? I don't know. He can't choke up on that hammer anymore. Yeah, I... Maybe it's a bit, I don't know.

Maybe. I don't get it. But it's not funny enough. Yeah. I mean, you're kind of just like, come on, man, what are you doing? Scott says, another woman alert, okay. Woman alert. My apartment burned down. So due to a woman and her candle,

my entire apartment building is doing aromatherapy or something. Burned down. Yeah. You can watch the fun and joyous occasion here. Oh wow, it made the moves. Wow, man made the news. Wow, man.

Bummer. I lost basically everything except the clothes I could grab and carry out. Guns, scuba gear, everything in the kitchen, everything in both bedrooms, everything in the living room. Everything. Despite this, I'm still wealthier and have a far better life than Maddox. Sean, go fuck yourself. Dick, you're tolerable at times. Let's see this. Oh my god, look at this apartment complex fire.

What did he- Did he lose everything? Everything. Scuba gear... That shit's expensive. That's kind of... I mean, yeah. Huh. Scuba gear didn't make it? Even the tank? The water didn't resuscitate it when it... Yeah, even the tank, right? Guns? Ugh!

You didn't grab your guns? He might not have been home. No, he said he got... I lost everything except clothes that I could grab and carry out. Oh, so he grabbed it, wow. Grabbing clothes? What would you grab? Your guitars, probably? Well, okay, I'd make sure... sure cash why I make sure I had the dog

Yeah, you don't have to grab a dog though. Do you well this one you do? Okay? You know my dog Yeah, yeah, I would I mean I would grab I'd throw some shit. I would throw some clothes in a bag real quick, and I would grab you know a guitar or two yeah began receiving multiple calls for an apartment fire at this place. Charlotte. Engine arrived on the scene at 2 30 a.m. Wow. Reported heavy fire showing from a three-story apartment. Oh they got there in four minutes's pretty good. That sucks. 2 30 in the morning? Yeah. 29 people were displaced. Wow. Red draws. So it was a... Nothing about the guns though. A lit candle, unattended. Huh. That's what he says. The fire was... I mean, must have been too close to something.

Yeah. Huh. They have... That sucks, they have candle warming lights for women now. Candle warming? Yeah, it's a stand. Yeah. And you put a candle on it and then you turn on like a heat lamp above it that melts the wax to make the smell. To make the smell, yeah. Without the fire. Without the fire. Oh. Yeah. Cause, cause this. Cause this happens. Maybe... Good move. I'm sure people use it. Sean's Animal Corner. I got one. Sean's Animal Corner.

Joshua says, pill bugs, roly-poly's, pill bugs slash roly-poly's are terrestrial crustaceans classified as isopods. They're most closely related to crabs and shrimp than they are to insects. Yes, I did. You did know that. Okay, Josh, you got to do better than that. This is from Stethalis. Did you know that the gestation period for possums is only 12 days? No. That seems very short. That's

incredible. I'm sure like... 12 days? Yeah, yeah they may be, I mean obviously they're born probably well underdeveloped. You know, they probably just cling to mom. I mean I'm pretty sure the possums don't come out with like, you know, they probably just cling to mom. I mean, I'm pretty sure the possums don't come out with like, you know, with fur and their eyes open and all that. I mean, they couldn't after they're like a lot of. 12 to 13 days.

Amazing. Amazing. And then they do that. They just sit on their mom or something. All right. Yeah, I mean, they have really short lives. I guess maybe that makes sense. Everything is just sped up with them

Did you know that? Possums are the only marsupials in North America. Did you know that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but yes, okay well and like what we What we call possums are Oh possums. I believe. Oh, it says opossums. Yeah. What's the difference? Well, possums, they're different species. They are?

Yeah, like there's- I thought some people just put the O on it. There's possums, I think, in Australia. I might be wrong. Check it out. Really? Just put possum versus opossum. This is what happened last week.

Possums versus opossum. This is what happened last week. Possums versus opossums. Possums live in Australia. What the fuck? Yeah, they're different animals. I mean, I know they're different animals, but like- So they're always opossums? Well- Mostly, except for the Australian one.

Here they're opossums, yeah. But we just dropped the O because it's like, well, it kind of looks similar. It's a shorter thing Oh possums, but they are Oh possums. Yeah, okay Okay That was my hesitation. I'm like was he talking about no Possums I messed it up. Yeah

Did you know that Oh possums have Opposed clawless opposable thumbs on their back feet. Do you know that? I mean, I can't say offhand that I know what their feet look like. That's a little reachy. Like a... But, you know. No, I didn't know that. And then he says, Despite being the smallest bear species,

wild polar bears are the largest. They have the same size teeth. That's not even a fact. It's just like nonsense. You messed that up. Despite being the... I don't know what he's saying. Sun bears? Oh, sun bears? Sun bears build nests in trees up to a hundred feet in the air. Did you know that? I didn't know they built trees that high. What the hell is a sun bear? They have a, you'll see, they have a, they're kind of a dark color. They have like a white chest. See the V on the chest. Oh, that's what that is?

Yeah, yeah. Where are those? Sun bear nests, 100 feet high. 128 feet. Wow! I didn't know that- I didn't know that- Okay, so fans win this week.

Yeah, I didn't know. Well, I don't know, did they? Well, the sun bear thing. But I knew the, yeah, but the possums. Well, I don't know, did they? Well, the sun bear thing. But I knew the, yeah, but the possums and the, I knew that everything, everything short of the thumb on the back feet, I knew about them. Uh, wait, did you get the, okay, you knew the isopod. Yeah. All right. Yeah. And then you knew the possums gestation period. Up to the back feet. Oh no, I did not. Okay, that's Finn. Yeah You knew that yeah thumbs. That's a that's a wash. Okay And then the nests you didn't know no, I

Don't have a tiebreaker, but I did describe a Sun bear. Oh the Sun bear. Maybe it's the smallest I don't know what the fuck this is, you know Can you proofread that was the tiebreaker and it's all messed up. Well and to the proofread that was the tiebreaker and it's all messed up. Well, and to the largest bear is considered kind of interchangeable. It's not definitively the polar bear because Kodiak bears that subspecies of brown bear, what we call grizzlies, like grizzly bear is not a species. It's just a name. They're all brown bears.

But the Kodiak version of that brown bear will get as big as a polar bear. So it's interchangeable, like what, you know, what's the biggest bear species? I'm trying to find a tiebreaker for you. Capybaras, ants, something. Two monkeys have been, that's not an animal fact. Yeah, it's out of- right out of India, I've heard that story- I don't think that- yeah,

like they're revenge- revenge of the fucking, you know, they're killing puppies because somebody killed their, you know- Nothing out of India is true. I know. All the news that comes out of there is just totally stupid. All the, you know, spontaneous human combustion stories come out of India. There's all kinds of stupid shit. You know you can count the number of cricket chirps in 15 seconds at 37

and that will give you the approximate temperature outside in Fahrenheit. No, is there anything behind that? I mean that's amazing. Antoine said it. That's amazing if it's true. Crickets chirp count. That's Antoid said it. That's amazing if it's true. Trick it, chirp, count. In 15 seconds. 15 seconds.

How do you count chirps in August? I guess you can use a lot. An ad 40, simplest method to estimate AI overview. I mean, you know. An ad 40. Because- That's not what Antoid said though, is it? No, he said 37, but whatever. I mean, I would, if that's true, because-

Okay, so that's true. I get it. You didn't know it. Because it because they fans win because as it gets warmer they they They chirp they're more active. I guess maybe by a little tiny bit by a little tiny bit. I guess I don't know All right, I'm not sold on that one, but it seems to be it seems to be out there. Yeah It's true says well. I don't know if it's true That guy's saying it. Is it, what's this like? I mean, you've got a university study on-

Lincoln, Nebraska? You're gonna shit on the University of Lincoln, Nebraska? I don't think so. No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying I would like to see that one. Crickets in temperature. To see if they actually did a- See, look at the font. You know it's true when you're using this font.

Yeah, what the fuck? Lincoln, Nebraska. Come on. There's a university site, they're using like a- Where's the other? Fucking, what is this? Vitamin C,? I mean they're going back to the why they make sound. Something that's like biology, yeah like animal biologists they can't use a normal font. They have to use a silly font and everything. Temperature inquiry.

I don't know, could be. Well I I don't know, I think he lost that one. Could be. Chris says, Dr. No Disrespect. I took some time to look into the Dr. Disrespect situation. What's that? This guy, this famous guy that was messaging a minor sexually inappropriately. That's his online persona, Dr. Disrespect.

Do we not talk about this on the show? You might have, I probably tuned out. So this guy got fired from Twitch. And he said he didn't know why, and Twitch didn't comment on it. And then it was just kind of like disappeared. And then a Twitch guy came out years later and said it was because he was sexting a minor. And Dr. Disrespect's response to that was to say nothing illegal happened. Oh. Which is not really a good response. Right. Because it still looks like you

tried to make something happen. Yeah. Well nothing happened. I mean I, you know. So then all the guys, all the like annoying right-wing guys who call everyone a pedophile every day. Yeah, I know. That's the... Then they all were like saying, See? He didn't do anything wrong. She could have been 17 and he didn't know. And then when he found out, he stopped, which he didn't say. Right?

Yeah. And then he released this gigantic, retarded, defiant post about how he wasn't going anywhere and how he did have inappropriate conversations with a minor and that there was never any real intentions behind them. Oh, okay. So, any other sort of intentions there could have been. I mean, what are you doing then? He's basically saying, yeah, I did groom a minor.

I did talk to a minor inappropriately and tried to have sex with him. Yeah. But I actually didn't try to have sex. I didn't really try. I just wanted to kind of see how far it would go until I called, you know. Yeah, until I stopped. But stupid quips stopped me. Then I was going to say, hey, you know, you really shouldn't be doing this. Busted. Like a reverse Chris Hansen thing.

Less scruples than me. You could get in trouble. I'm not doing this as punishment to show you what it's like. I'm just teaching. Yeah, right. Like a reverse Chris Hansen show. Instead of going after the Predators, you go after the kids who are trying to go. It's scared straight with sexual assault. Scared stiff. That was funny, because all these guys,

they're making up just anything to try to justify that one of their own guys isn't a child predator. No, that's what people do. They just make up crazy scenarios. Yeah, exactly. To make it fit your beliefs. You guys call gay people groomers every day. I know. I know.

Like you think it's hilarious. I just want some consistency. And then your friend was grooming a minor. Right. Why do you defend this garbage? There's no reason to. Yeah, no. I mean, people do it in... I. It's- it's the defining characteristic of politics these days. Yeah. Of followers. It's like,

Wait, why- why can't you- If that were on the other side, you would hang- you would hang that person. Yeah. Uh, what I hated most about the damage control was Doc desperately trying to shuffle the specter of Jeffrey Epstein and his ilk into the conversation to try to muddy the waters. Oh yeah.

Yeah, sure. And then his statement was like, you're calling me a pedophile? I fucking hate pedophiles. Sure, yeah. You just said you're grooming a minor, dude. I mean, you're at least adjacent. Nobody is accusing the doctor of being a psychopath

who traffics minors for purposes of blackmail, just inappropriate conversations with a minor. Uh, he already had been caught cheating on his wife a few years ago, and someone of his age and influence should know- Oh yeah, and then he got caught cheating on his wife at the same time he was sexting a minor. Yeah, and what are they saying about that? Well, they're just like, well you're clearly trying to fuck somebody. I mean dude, yeah. Duh. All right.

Advice Yorkie. Please advise. Supernatural family drama. Ooh. Sounds good. Yeah. Or really, really dumb. It's definitely dumb.

Yeah, supernatural shit. I've been thinking more about what I said last week, that women are so obsessed with, like, preoccupied or whatever, about being sexually assaulted, that they make up ghosts and demons, so they can fantasize about it more clearly. I mean, they are, they have a right to be, I'm saying, but they're also creating a supernatural world

just so they can deal with this constant paranoia. My new wife is Japanese and I can only communicate with her family through her. Apparently her entire family speaks badly about her father. They say he is a drunk who has a habit of telling exaggerated tall tales. Do I have a Japanese daughter or something? Much, much, much shame.

Including some ghost stories. Do I have a Japanese daughter? Do I have a Japanese daughter or something? Much, much, much shame. Including some ghost stories. Do I have a Japanese daughter out there? Despite communication difficulties, one time he and I went on a hiking trip together in Japan. Wow. Got drunk with him.

While we were sitting down taking a rest, I swear on my life I saw with my own eyes a frickin' dude made out of mud walking completely horizontal up a 70 foot coniferous tree. What's a coniferous tree? Uh, pine tree. Anything that makes cones. Why don't you say a pine tree then?

Coniferous. I need that book app to make it easy. Yeah, it's anything that makes cones. My dad said something to me when I was a kid that I think about. That's not the book though. Right, right. No, there's... Why would you make this?

You're taking the art out of it. You're just telling a stupid story. It's like not the same, man. Not at all. It's not the same. Not at all. You're not reading the book. Maybe it is. Maybe it is. It's just like getting a summary. To somebody who uses that, maybe it is.

I don't want to read it. Okay, you saw a dude made out of mud. Yeah, walking horizontally. Walking horizontally? Yeah, like his feet were stuck to the wall. Like he was walking, right? Like an MC Escher painting? Sure. horizontally? Yeah, like his feet were stuck to like the wall like he's walking right? Like an MC Escher painting? Sure. Like a Sam Sqwanch monster walking up okay right into the foliage at the top. Foliage at the top. The only

wildlife in this area are deer, bears, or boar. Yeah. And this could have been none of the above. Well it could have been a bear. I mean, Definitely couldn't be a boar. What was the altitude? Is this guy like, is he going like hypoxic? Was he up high? You know, is he a little, who knows? I think the dad probably slipped him a Mickey or something. Right?

Yeah. The dad's a bad guy. Yeah, he's a, He's a drunk. I mean, He makes up exaggerated stories too. I mean, who knows what he saw, you know? It's up the side of a drunk. I mean, uh- Well, he makes up exaggerated stories, too. I mean, who knows what he saw, you know? It's up the side of a cliff.

Like, I'm picturing straight up when I hear- Horizontally. Yeah, horizontally. He's walking up a tree. Yeah, like, oh, he's up a tree, right? Yeah, a coniferous tree. Oh. So the demon was just like, do-do-do-do-do, walking up.

I mean- Like Mario when he hits that triangle. I didn't know the height the height of the nest thing But I mean a lot of bears climb trees like very fucking bear very well bear very well. Yeah No black bears climbing trees even the cubs. That's their defense really like it's like they run to the nearest tree and shimmy up that fucker Yeah, that was in the Revenant. Oh, yeah yeah I didn't see it but we saw it in a big uh my girlfriend and I saw it and she's like did you see when the bear was in the tree and during that bear attack? Yeah. I was like what the fuck what are

you talking about during the bear attack? She's like watch. Yeah. I played it back and way in the background there's a little bear climbing the tree. Like what's wrong with you during that bear attack you're looking at little bears in the tree? Yeah. She's like I don't know. That's what I saw. That's what I saw. Where in the tree? I don't know. Where are these guys? The Japanese black bear. Okay. So where do they... I mean that thing could probably climb a tree. Sure. After a moment me and the father looked at each other. They both saw it. With his eyes as wide as they could open. He silently motioned with two fingers, walking up his other arm.

We'd both seen the exact same thing. I nodded. We sat still and waited 20 minutes in silence, watching, waiting for something to move. Eventually, another group caught up to us, and we felt safe to set off walking again. Because they thought that was like a predator. I didn't know what it was.

I mean, it would be weird. I mean, it's weird that both of them saw something that looked like, you know, something they couldn't explain. Yeah, but what are the odds that two retarded guys could see the same thing? I don't know. And fuck it up. Yeah.

You know? When have two guys ever been wronged together? Is that ever happened? I think we're waiting for the first. When we got back, he explained it to the family. Not that I understood a word. And they did not seem to be having any of it. Yeah, they were... Did they ask him?

Did they ask him? Like, what did he see? I don't know. Between incomprehensible frenetic paragraphs, he turned to me for confirmation, but I kept my responses vague Oh you fucked over your father-in-law sold them out bitch Why'd you do that? Yeah? Why'd you do that? What's wrong with you? You should have agreed even if you didn't see it. Yeah, I saw that shit a guy fucking turned sideways Yeah walked up a tree That's the scariest shit. I've ever seen in my life. I don't know what I saw, but I've never seen anything like it

I've never seen it. He's right. That guy's right. Yeah, why would you do that to him? Right you cocksucker? He's not wrong every time he's drunk But I kept my responses vague why yeah, no, I don't yeah, he should explain why what's the dynamic that caused him to like clam up? Yeah, no, I don't, yeah, he should explain why. What's the dynamic that caused him to like clam up? Oh, I don't meet with the family often. So it would be very convenient to just quietly dismiss anything that happened. I've never believed in anything supernatural, but I know what I saw and it doesn't seem fair

to leave him out on the lurch. You already did. Apologies if I've sent this story to the wrong place, but any advice appreciated. Well, you want to know whether you should come clean to the family? Like, yeah, whatever, I saw exactly what he saw. You should dress up like that guy

and walk up a wall to show the family. Or dress up like that thing and go apologize to him in his sleep or something. When he's really drunk, wake him up. I'm that fucking demon thing. Yeah, I'm curious what he saw. He saw fucking something. It was a bear.

I mean, that would be... Walking up a tree. Be where my... That's what it was. You know what it wasn't? A man going horizontally up a tree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it looked, you know, maybe the bear could look like it was... You didn't see the way that the claws were maybe blending in, you know, like the top ones and then the bottom.

You would look more like legs. I don't fucking know. I mean... You fucked him over though. Yeah. I saw a fucking guy walking up sideways in a tree. Yeah. Didn't you? Didn't we? Yeah. Didn't we?

It's probably the greatest day of his life, right? All these shit's always happening to me. Everyone hates me. Yeah. I'm always seeing stuff. Right. No one believes me. The fucking guy, the guy chin was here with the big eyes!

They're not gonna- they know that he's the outside, right? Finally somebody is going to see that I do get abducted by aliens. He was there! Tell him! Yeah. I mean, I, you know, it was really far. It was a tree.

I mean, it could have been, I don't know. I saw something move, but I couldn't quite make out what it was. He seemed pretty freaked out though. Yeah. Oh! Right. You were being tested by God and you failed. Oh.

Um. How do you make it up to Japanese dad? Fucking yuppie. The most dishonor I've ever. Kill yourself with a sword. Go set up a trail cam by that tree. No shit. See what it was.

Yeah. Because it was a bear. Yeah. And then say hey by the way it was a bear. Yeah tree. No shit. See what it was. Yeah. Cause it was a bear. Yeah. And then say, hey, by the way, it was a bear. Yeah. I found out.

Figured it out. I set up a, I went camping, scoped it out. Right. Right. Climb up the tree. See what it was. Advice, cam. Two girls, one me.

Hey, Dick, please leave my name out of this for my soul. Okay. I'm 25. I've been in a relationship for six years with this girl who is 29. Oh, you're 25, okay. 29, double Ds. Good.

And for most of the relationship, we've been very happy. We argue a lot less than others, which I always thought was good. We like very similar things, yada yada. Well, what are those things? We live together, okay. Both of us are going through some shit right now with family members' health, and we are pretty distant.

That's no excuse not to use apostrophes correctly. We will chill in the evenings together, but I wanna be around others right now. And she is the opposite. Yeah. I'm wanting to talk things through that are running through my head. And she is wanting the opposite.

Oh. The opposite she doesn't want you to talk about? She wants you to just listen to her or? I don't know what the opposite of that would be. Or she does- I'm wanting to talk things through that are running through my head. With- with- oh, just in general. It doesn't necessarily mean with her.

Uh, and she's wanting the opposite. And she doesn't want to talk about it. So she wants to not talk about things that are not running through your head. Okay. What a crazy lady. Um, I- Hahahaha! Okay. What a crazy lady. I love her, I just don't enjoy spending time with her at the moment. Oh man.

Are you married? Whilst in our relationship I've had no problem speaking to and getting along well with people I find attractive because I love this one girl. I'm not a cheater. I have been cheated on and I hate it obviously. with people I find attractive because I love this one girl. I'm not a cheater. I have been cheated on and I hate it obviously, which is why this problem is rough for me. What a bizarre thing to say.

I've started an office job recently with another girl and another girl has started just after me. She's 20 cute blonde A-cups, and we just get on too well. Started off with us just going to lunch together. Now we're sitting in the car together, talking about our real life shit, and we just click. Mm-hmm, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. That's the appropriate response. Woo-hoo! What's her name in your phone, mom? Ooh. Dave? Dave. Yeah, don't put her real name in your phone. Oh, no.

Whatever you do. Oh, dude. I think about her way too much for someone with a girlfriend. And this is what's killing me. Oh, yeah. It's killing me. Ugh. Yeah. Ugh. It's killing me, Sean. Ugh. I've tormented.

Ugh. Because I'm a good person. But I'm not doing good things. Ugh. And it's tearing me apart. Ugh. If only. Ugh.

Hmm. Ugh. If only I was doing good things. If I was single, there's no doubt in my mind I would be in full pursuit mode. But I'm being very clear about having a girlfriend to A cups. That just makes you more attractive.

And you're also not. What's that? You're not being very clear. Oh, okay. As I feel like it is also very clear to her that I'm attracted to her, okay. But I feel like I'm fooling myself here and I need to address the issue.

Fooling yourself in what way? That she's not attracted to you or? Yeah, sounds like it. You don't need to address it. Sometimes it addresses itself. I've asked one person for advice on this. His take is that I'm just unhappy in this relationship, and this has made me realize it. Six years is a long time. That's too long. That could very well be true.

Yeah, the longest... What your friend said. Nature-wise, the longest time, the longest amount of time a man should be spending with a woman is about five or ten minutes. Anything longer than that is too long. Biologically speaking, it will back me up on this. The science will back me up on this. Six years is five years and 364 days too long.

And breaking up with someone who I thought would be in my life forever and who for the last six years has been nothing but great in my life feels like a slap in the face to her I mean you're probably not that great man don't worry about it what should I do you're my only hope for true advice I don't. I'm normally pretty calm, but this has got me fucked up that I can't stop thinking about her. Well, you're dealing with that. You're both dealing with like outside kind of like pressures. Like things are not like normal.

If you're- With health issues? If you've got family members that are, yeah, I mean, depending on how serious they are and stuff. Like that shit. He'd be doing this shit without that anyway. And like, people deal with that shit- How many guys cheat on their girlfriend without having family health issues? But all different ways people deal with that you know like it's

Some sort of like maybe escapism like she doesn't want to acknowledge shit He wants to talk about stuff like so you know I don't know. He wants to go out and party Yeah, his five years older girlfriend doesn't She wants to sit around and watch The Office. Maybe. 20 year old girl, really interested in you. Yeah. Cause you don't want to, cause you're. Well, and that also like.

Putting her in a friendships on. Yeah, something, right. Well, like the fact that you have a girlfriend makes you more attractive to her, I'm sure. Shitting where you eat, where you work, dating somebody you work at, very smart idea. That's good advice right there. where you eat, where you work, dating somebody you work at. Very smart idea. Yeah. Yeah. That's good advice right there.

I was like, this is... It's easier. It's easier to fuck someone where you work because then you always see them. You don't have to make plans because you know you have to see them every fucking day. Right. Right. Smart.

This is why people... It's a hustler mindset. This is why that expression exists. I can't stop thinking about her. I feel like breaking up with this girl for her is rough, but also feel like I could regret not doing it. I love when guys say, well, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend because it'd be bad for her.

Yeah. Oh yeah? Well, you don't, right. Okay. I mean, really, you just don't want to deal with it. Why don't you give her 20 bucks? It's bad that she doesn't have 20 bucks for her, right? Right. Okay. I mean, really, you just don't want to deal with it. Why don't you give her 20 bucks? It'd be... It's bad that she doesn't have 20 bucks for her, right? Right.

I don't want to give her 20 bucks. I'm just saying. Right. If we broke up, it's bad for her. She'd be so... She'd be so lonely without me. Yeah. So it's impossible to replace me.

Yeah. Women could go... Women could go a million years... travel the whole universe and not meet a guy like me. Right. Right? If she'd be devastated. You know? Sure.

She couldn't get over it like every single other woman the next day that has ever existed. I feel like breaking up with this girl for her is rough, but also feel like I could regret not doing this in the future. Thank you for probably calling me a huge gay retard or something. Also, please do a UK show and I'll bring one or the other depending on your recommendation." Smooches for Sean. Go fuck yourself, Dick. Well, I like the breaking up part, but I don't like this. See, what you're, the problem that you're dealing with here is they're all, all women are exactly the same. All, and definitely all the women,

out of all the women that are exactly the same, all the ones that you will date and be attracted to are even more exactly the same. Well, you know, I always, I say, you know, everybody, everybody goes, everybody's unique. everybody's unique in their own way. Like, and I say, people are unique, but barely. Barely. Barely. It's...

The last thing you want to do is compare, see, comparing women, you know, across the board is fine. That's why we have the system. Nine, 10, you know, fat, talk fat, talk, chatty, annoying, dumb. But the last thing you wanna do is compare one with the one you're with. Because then the one you're with is almost always negative 200 degree zero Kelvin,

whatever it is, the worst possible. And then comparing her with any other woman makes that woman seem like she's really great, but it's really just another woman, right? She's actually still way in the negative. Just not a... Just way in the negative still. So that's what you don't want to do. You don't want to get caught with, you know, a bait and switch where you're like,

this one's so much better than mine. Like, yeah, they're all better than the one you have. That's because you don't know anything about them. Yeah Cuz you don't have them as soon as you get them. That's just as bad. Don't they don't get any better You know they're not stairs. You're not climbing up to a better and better one It sounds like you're fucking quicksand. It sounds like quicksand We just glad clutch and grab and slowly drown That's what it is so whoever you get next you're gonna be in the same place Seeing is quicksand. You just clack, clutch, and grab, and slowly drown.

That's what it is. So whoever you get next, you're gonna be in the same place. So just either break up and don't date anyone. Yes. Or stick with the one you have. Or stick with the one you have. Who it seems like you can more than tolerate most times. But I gotta tell you, the age is a, you got an age problem.

You're 25, she's 29. You think? I mean. I'm gonna tell you, the age is a, you got an age problem. You're 25, she's 29. You think? I mean, maybe, I think you might, I think you might. Especially if you're seeing, especially if you're dealing with immaturity shit, I wanna talk this out. I don't wanna talk anything out.

Maybe I wanted to talk something out at 25, 30? No, no thanks. Go find somebody, you know, your age to go talk it out with. You know what I mean? Some things. Still not clear whether they, whether he's saying, I mean, maybe it's implied that talking about it together, you know, is the thing.

Yeah, he's talking about it with this other chick at work. So he wants to talk about it with somebody. Well, no, that's what I mean. It was just saying like, her feelings are this way, my feelings are this way, but like, has he gone like, hey, I want to talk this out. And she's like, I don't want to talk it out. Like, I mean, that's what's not expressly stated in there.

I got a feeling that's what's happening. Probably. I'm all emotional. Can I talk this out with you? No. Yeah. I'm 30. I don't want to do that.

Yeah. I wonder what she does want to do. Just watch the office and make brunch plans. Just like escapism. Garbage. But don't do that. I feel like she's oh This could be really rough for her if we broke up. Yeah, look, I mean don't they don't give a shit Don't you will be shocked at how much they do not care. She's an adult. That's you know She should have been more open to your needs fuck her I guess she didn't want to get that sounds like the dick show I guess she didn't want to get that sounds like the dick show

And good luck, I mean hopefully you end up with neither one there's always Got no one I got a lot of a new job. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, right Ideally is zero is the number that you're that we're trying to shoot for Wow Okay, maybe one fat watch I have. Fat watch today in fat news. Okay this is by Buck. Shorty started punching this guy because he told her to hop on a treadmill during a 20 versus 1. So this is a hood fight it sounds like. It does sound like a fight Maybe at a Carnival Cruise or something See here This is some sort of a dating show I think I've seen this you know you've seen this setup, okay, where it's like

Everybody has a balloon and they pop the balloon when you've said something that's like a deal breaker for them. Got it. They pop it right in front of your face. Boop. Wow. So this is a... 20 guys here, or whatever.

One, two, three, yeah. And then a... A woman who's not... She's not skinny. No. Uh... I guess people would call her thick. She's the kind of girl that a lot of guys would defend in the comments if I said she was fat.

I know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I just got one more thing to say. This fat ass funny looking black ass bitch just told me that I need to get on a treadmill. Bitch fuck you and your fat ass mama bitch. Nigga look at your teeth. And why somebody shot dice in them hoes? Look at your fake ass Jordans bitch.

You bald. Bald? Who bald? Mikey in my bald. In my bald Who bald? Mikey in my bald. In my bald, Nick. Asia in my bald. Baby, I got a hair full of hair, bitch. Outside of this motherfucking wig. Small dick ass nigga, fat ass bitch. You talking about me.

He talking all that shit about me. But baby, you in the same white class as me, bitch. I'm a thick ass bitch. I got fat ass ear titty. Mmm. Okay. Look at this. Look at this belly. Yeah. Ooh, this is like when Shamu comes up to get a sardine.

These hoes, the fuck? Talking shit about me hoes? You get on a ferry, you get on a fucking treadmill. You broke ass nigga, show me a fucking bed, bitch. Show me a bed, bitch. Show me a bed. Bitch ass who? A bed? Bitch ass who? Bitch ass who? The fuck? Good shit, good shit, good shit.

Who? Who a dirty ass ho? Whoa! Whoa! Who? The fuck? This shit, this shit, this shit. Who? You? Who a dirty asshole? Who? You? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa't hit her back, don't hit her back. Don't hit the female back. She's still fucking yelling. All he said was get on a treadmill. We didn't even hear him say it, she said that. Wow, outrageous.

That's a lively set. Damn. Wow. She really hates treadmills. You get on a treadmill. What? What? You does this? I wish I could say all that stuff. Yeah. That's crazy, man. Damn. I hope she I hope she's okay. Ty sends this in. Okay. Oh, it's a woman doing aerial silks. Is that, yeah, that's a swing on, oh no, this could be painful. Yeah. She's got like a, turn the sound on.

God, I hope that's. She's got a, it's like a silks that's a hammock. Yeah. Attached to a carabiner, attached to the strongest ceiling in existence. I mean, we think. We don't know for sure if it's the strongest ceiling in existence. She's got a pad under her that's probably rated for her shoes.

Yeah. Very thin, pink pad. It's like double, yeah, it's like the gym mats we used to have in high school. For doing like somersaults for toddlers. Yeah. Not for full grown men, definitely not for doubly grown women. It's doubled up. It is doubled up. But so is she. Look at her, no joint should be able to hold this. Look at this. Oh man, and... What is the purpose of this? I don't know whether she's gonna fall off or it's gonna break.

Oh! Oh, dammit! I hate it when they do that shit. Stop sending me this! Stop sending me like an edit where a fucking explosion. Stop it! Isn't it, those people never make that shit better. It shows you how piss poor people's creativity actually is.

I think I could make a film. I could make... Let me cut this. No! No! You ruined it. Let me see the fat lady falling and wiggling around. I don't want to see a fucking explosion. Yeah. I can imagine that part. We know it was a hard hit. I want to see the aftermath because I'm sick. Okay, this one is sent in by the anti-sociolite. It's a lady doing box jumps. Oh no. Have you seen those before? Yeah, I've seen them.

People will get in front of a box and they kind of jump onto it. Jump on, jump off. They're quite difficult, but she has a platform in front of the box, a gigantic platform that makes the box jump about 12 inches, I would say. So anybody should be able to do that. That's not difficult at all. Provided you don't have any kind of, you know, disabilities or... And she's not exceptionally heavy. She's not exceptionally heavy.

So, you know, I would think this is well within her range to land, yeah. You're doing it! You're doing it! You're doing it! She's being spotted. You're doing what? She's already warmed up way too much

for what is the jump onto a stair. I know, she's being a spy. Is this like a physical therapy thing? Is there something that we don't know about this? She had like double knee surgery or something? Because it looks like this is a monumental moment coming up. Like okay, you got this. What does it say?

What is this? Burn Boot Camp Hic- Hic or NYC? Burn Boot Camp Hic or NYC? Hickory- no, Hickory NC. Hickory, North Carolina? I thought it was New York City, but it's- Burn Boot Camp Hickory, North Carolina.

Congratulations to this lady for pushing fear and self-doubt aside today and conquering your first box jump It can only go up from here. Maybe she's afraid of heights. I Mean the world looks different Like there are times I'm showing my girlfriend something. Yeah, I'll be like what you don't see that. She's like no I don't see how can you not see, no, I don't see it. How can you not see it? It's right fucking there. She goes, hey, bend down to my level.

Like it's like, oh my God, I look right over the top of it. You're right. So you think cause she's so short, this is like a huge jump for her. I don't know. Maybe she gets sweaty palms when she has to step up a curb. I don't know.

It is, I mean, it's a little higher than a curb. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like getting into a sports car out probably. No, I'm gonna guess, I'm gonna guess that- It's lower than her knees. But I'm gonna guess that, is that, say 20 on the side? Yeah, I think so. I'm gonna guess that's 20 inches,

but she's on a platform that raises it up probably a good, I bet it's 12 to 14 inches max. What is going on at this burn boot camp that they have platforms for their box jumps She bailed on it like she knew she wasn't gonna make it I don't know was box'll start with box jumps. Or step jumps, whatever the fuck this is. I won't. I will not let you fall. I will not let you fall. Oh, she's pulling you over.

Well, let her fucking arms go! I don't want to do box jumps with some dumb broad holding onto my fucking wrists! Sure. Let me get some momentum in here! Yeah. This is where all my fat is. This is the lady, right? This is where all my fat is stored, chica! Let me fucking work it around and start flapping. Let's start flying. Get it all going in the same direction Do think about it

Now she's- this is later right? Like where it's like okay now I don't want to hold your arms Oh Jesus! That's it? Did that end? No, no, no, I stopped it because they've got these fucking Leviathans doing box jumps! It's not smart. It's not smart? Those knees are gonna blow out! Put those explosions in the knees! Yeah, none of this is... I wouldn't do these! It's not a good idea

See you can see like that for whatever reason was just fear because she bailed on those first two like you like It's not a feat what they're doing. What they're doing is not weight loss either jumping on to us jumping up Eight inches or whatever. This is is not working out. It's not a good idea. You're doing it! You're doing this. You're doing it. Go. 3, 2, 1, go! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH What's up with the ducking?

Alright, just get a little lower. Oh yeah, I gotta really load up. I'm gonna fucking spring. I'm really load up. I'm gonna fucking spring I'm like Mario 2 I'm gonna start flickering in a moment and I'm gonna spring up into the air. Yeah Okay, well she did it Yeah, good job. You did do it. All right, that's the show patreon.com slash the dick show dick. Show. See you next Tuesday and then and Then the waiting begins See you next Tuesday. And then...

And then the waiting begins. Scar, why are you linking me this? Oh, man, oh, man, I gotta dry out. You gotta dry out? You mean booze? Yeah. It's too much man, that fucking Titanic show. Fourth of July.

Oh yeah, I'm sure, you're probably hitting it hard. Long weekend. Long weekend. Doom, doom. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright.

What makes me rage is people who just don't understand how things work. I mean, you see, you see Latino day laborers just pull over the side of the road and then they dump toxic fucking waste or whatever it is they have in the back of the truck into the river. And then you have these neurotic white liberals saying, I have to recycle my cans and you have to do it too. And I have to save every little thing. And then these people who are obsessed about COVID, it's the same demographic, obviously saying, Oh, you know, this guy isn't wearing the right kind of mask. He's not wearing it over his nose. Of course they wouldn't say it to any black person because they're the ones who are most guilty of it. They'll wear

the mask, but not the right way. And then people are, but then you have hordes of illegal immigrants coming over the border who are un-vac and they're not following their precious protocols of COVID. So I just can How old is this voicemail? Yeah, I don't know. It's brand new. It's a disconnect between the way things actually work and the way... I don't know, man. And yet they fucked up their president guy, too.

Couldn't get him figured out either. Right. They can't do anything. No. Nothing. Not one of these goddamn plans was a good plan. Inept as can be. You realize if your plan works, it's still fucked up, right?

Well, yeah, but at least it's something. No. Uh... alright. Let's see here. Dick, Sean. I don't know. Hope you had a good Fourth of July. I did. I have a question about women that I think you could Answer uh-huh, and then get good content from anyway. Okay. I am Going to see a concert and a month review ever do you know of the show? You might be too old is why I'm asking

Avatar the last airbender. Yeah, I know that show The character had a foul show roll the elements, water, earth, fire, air, blah blah blah. You don't know, you don't know. But anyway, they had some really cool music, and basically I'm going to a live orchestra concert that's playing music from that show. I'm just curious, when I'm going on dates... I'm going to a concert where they play the soundtrack from an anime. Yeah. Okay. Right?

See how that... You were trying to... See how that... More succinct. Yeah. See how that... Blast Airbender. It's an anime.

Okay. Well, he did want to... He wasn't sure if you were familiar with it, so he gave a little back. I don't... I'm okay with that. But did that help? Did the... Did he explain it?

If I wasn't familiar with it, do I now... Am I now familiar with that. Did that help? Did he explain it? If I wasn't familiar with it, do I now... am I now familiar with it? Well, are you... Is the story contingent on me being familiar with it? Not really. Not really. Not really? Yeah. I like the details, but... Should I, either before the concert or after the concert, ever bring up that I went to that show?

Is that like too corny? Is that like theater kid vibe? Wait, wait, wait wait what? What he's he's in? Should I? Either before the concert or after the concert and she let anybody else my orchestra concert that's playing music from that show okay I'm just curious is when I'm going on dates Should I? Either before the concert or after the concert, ever bring up that I

went to that show? Is that like too corny? Is that like theater kid vibe? But... That you went to a concert? I don't know. Because I seem to have a grasp on what to... He's worried what people will think. ...and what to not tell women. Yeah, should I be like, yeah, I went to this cool concert one time. See, you know, it shows you have interest in something. But then it shows you have interest in a cartoon show. Yeah, he's worried what people think.

They'll be judged for it. Because the women that he's dating are like, I'm going to date with James Bond here. Oh, the guy who went to the anime for concert? And then he's going to say that and they're going to be like, this totally changes my perception of you. I thought you were like the most suave. You seem like a totally Grizzly Adams type rugged alpha male.

I thought you just listened to like radio, you know, AM radio, Tucker Carlson, and now you're telling me you went to an anime music concert. This totally changes my perception of you, you know? Yeah. Because you're like a chameleon. You hid all that stuff. You hid all this gay anime shit from me so well

that this is a total surprise to me. Did he say he was going with a woman to that? No. No, just him. Obviously not. He's dating Trump getting off the plane and reacting to Ruth Bader Ginsburg's death, right? Oh, and you went to an anime show? You're telling me this for the first time?

You're into stupid anime shit? Wow, this is news to me. How many anime stickers do you think that guy has in his car? Like the little guy in the background? Well, no, I mean, it sounds like he probably, uh, Would you meet your wife at pedophile night at Dodger Stadium? I would guess he has no stickers because he's clearly concerned about what people will think he's a fan of.

Yeah. Last Airbender? Yeah. Um, yeah, I think you'll be all right. Yeah. Yeah, I think you'll be alright. Yeah, all that stuff is way more logistic-cepted now, like where you're not like this weird freak because you like something like that. Yeah. Like maybe-

It's too many of you now. Twenty years ago, yeah, maybe, you know, people would be like, oh, he's one of those weird, one of those weird D&D kids or one of those weird, you know, whatever. Thought you went to Sesame Street on Ice. I think people just care about that stuff less. I was just joking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one cares about fucking...

It's like classical music though, right? Yeah, I'm sure there's... It's just an orchestra. It's fine. Right. I'm sure there's plenty of other things about your personality. She'll be fucking appalled about you know Okay Hey dick hey Sean. I was listening to Tim fool because I

genuinely like Fucking hurt myself. Yeah, how? You know keep keep a kind of finger on the pulse of what the internet artists are saying oh, and he was talking about just talking about women and women in society and Tim to the point where he says well, I blame Weakman and in that moment it made me realize what I fucking hate about that statement Like people blaming weak men weak men make hard times, you know, the whole bullshit. Yeah, blah, blah, they have stupid, yeah. And especially in the modern context,

it's not weak men. It's a tyrannical state. Like men haven't become weak because they're just simply morally weak and they need Jesus. It's, the state has become so crushingly large that if a man tries to behave in a quote-unquote strong way, it's Something that would probably cost him a lot. Yeah, you're back down Anyway, yeah, maybe I'm crazy. Go fuck yourself. Yeah I mean, I don't like it because the unspoken part of it is and by the way I'm a strong man and all of you that I'm telling this to are also strong men. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's these goddamn weak men that are messing things up. Right. I call women fat to their face all the time. We're an entire pack of alpha males. Alpha males. Yeah, just in a big group. We're all alpha males. We're a big flock of mighty eagles.

Right. Soaring together as individuals. And crying in pools. And crying in pools. Crying in pools. Yeah. There's like a gold rush for men's egos. I don't think it's always been like that. Maybe it has.

You know. Yeah. You got to look at advertising throughout the years. Sure. Cigarette ads. They weren't always. Home Depot, I guess, was kind of targeting men's egos. Sears probably was. Yeah.

I don't know if it was always like that, but now it's like a feverish, panicked rush to gratify and placate men's egos. Mm. I hate it. And most of... Most of this political programming is directed at that Like all that I hate pedo I hate pedophile hysteria shit Okay

Hey, hey Sean. Yeah, they have learned an important lesson. Okay, about women. Mm-hmm. That is When your wife wants to do something and you don't give a shit at all about what it is that she wants to do When she asks what you think upon that plan? The answer is not just fuck my shit up fam Because then she will book In a pregnancy photo shoot an hour and a half away Why did you do that? Oh!

I fucking get it. Oh! Okay. A pregnancy photo shoot. No one has ever wanted to see that. Dude, I... Egh! You know, blegh!

For five years in between, you know, I was in entertainment, went out five years, I appraised, worked for a buddy's appraisal company. So I've been in, I mean, like thousands of homes. And you will see that occasionally. You can always tell, it's like, oh, when you meet the homeowner,

I mean, usually they're there and they, you can always go, oh, you are totally that kind of person. Because you see the pregnancy photos proudly displayed right after you enter the house. Women pose for them like they caught a fish. Like cloth draped in certain ways, and focusing and holding the bed. I was like, yeah, I mean I

Know it's like you're it's just most people are not like dying to see that How about like an? Impregnation photo shoot Pregnancy here's my dick in your vagina Yeah, right, you know right up in your balls. Yeah Right, mm-hmm Yeah, right. You know right. Pupping your balls. Yeah. There you go. How about that? Right? What is that? I mean if you're gonna go behind the scenes, go behind the scenes.

Well what's the next step from the pregnancy photo shoot? In the 80s I guess it was filming the birth. That was weird. Yeah. Because they don't do that anymore, right? That was a weird thing that went out of flavor in the 80s. I mean I'm sure some people do. Nobody's in there with a fucking GoPro and a gimbal filming their wife. Because the fidelity is too much now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole fucking makeup team and shit. I can see everything. No. Yeah, I mean, are you going to watch that again? You're really going to... You really want to see a picture of you being... Yeah, and if you're, you know, if it's...

Would you hire a guy to film it so that like, you know, dad can be in the moment? Or is he like filming it? It's like I said, I don't film like shit really anymore because I realized that as I was seeing a blue whale come across the front of it, the bow of the boat, I'm looking at it through my stupid phone instead of looking at it for this incredible thing that it is.

And I went, that cured me right there. I go, you're a fucking idiot. I'm never doing that again. That was one of the things that ruined Burning Man for me. When the man burned finally, it used to like run in a circle around it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, move and holler and be like. Right run in a circle around it yeah yeah yeah and then one of the last time the last time I went it was just people standing with their phones yeah like

what are you doing like like a concert like you're not fucking yeah yeah if you're just filming like a flaming pile yeah why yeah you're gonna watch it back and you're gonna get look at this flaming pile and then 70 other people when you when you show somebody who wasn't there like what how how and you're gonna get... Look at this flaming pile. And then... 70 other people holding their phones up. When you show somebody who wasn't there, like how impressive can that be? Oh, I really felt like I was right there with you. You wanna see my pregnant wife?

Amazing cell phone footage. I don't wanna see your pregnant wife. Right. Can you cover it up before I come over? Can you put it down? Yeah. I don't wanna watch TV with this fucking shit. Yeah. Yeah.

Yep. Well, sorry that happened to you. Hello, Dick and Sean. I've got a rage for you. From about five minutes ago, my rage is working a customer service job and having to speak with caddy black women all day. They'll call in and ask a question. And while I'm trying to explain the answer to them, they'll be like,

now, oh, you've got to let me get a word in. That's why I'm so mad. And I'm sorry. I must have interrupted you with the middle of my fucking. My God. This job makes me want to put a bullet through my brain. All right. Thanks, guys. Bye.

Cut my hand. So he talks too much. Uh, damn, that sounds rough, man. Sorry. They should give your job to an Indian. They can handle it. OK, let's see this one. Here's something that didn't used to happen too often, but now it happens a lot more often.

You see someone from 50 yards away and go, Oh, is that a professional wrestler? You get closer. Oh no, it's just an 18 year old woman. That's true. Didn't used to happen a lot. Well, I mean, you know, I think the numbers, the numbers bear that out. I mean, weights are going up, right?

I mean. Yeah, yeah. They're getting bigger. Nobody's getting laid. Everybody's pissed off about it. Yeah. Something about a bar. Okay. What's up, Dick? I'm calling in a little hammered behind the wheel.

Cool. Oh, God. I'm supposed to fucking do it. That's what God gave to us. My biggest rage tonight, and I realized it at the fucking bar is women, I should say, in social settings. They're just making noise for no reasons, ruining my buzz at the bar. And then when I tell them I'm gonna drive home they start to freak out act like I'm their boyfriend he sounds very sober boyfriend who you

guys are probably taking a fucking uber home I mean I'm driving home like God fucking told me to do okay God's talking to him that's pretty much it hopefully this voice now gets get to you guys. Dick, go fuck yourself. Sean, smooches for you. And yeah, God bless. I don't know. They didn't want you to leave the bar, I guess.

I don't know how else to see that. Look, I mean, it's, there's some people, he seemed like at that night, he was perfectly capable of having a couple and there's nothing I would never know that he was, you know, I highly doubt he would fail a test. A test. You know, seems like a-

A little slurry, but. I mean, I didn't hear anything. He sounded fine. Okay, well, last one. All right. Is it a woman in a tree? Dick, Sean, woman alert. Okay.

I was asked a question by my wife who apparently is riding the landscape around the house. How big do you think this tree is? I don't know, honey, how big do you think it is? Oh boy. It's about 10 feet. It's 25 feet tall. Yeah, so like not every close.

And for honey, you're 5'3". You think that that tree is only double your height? Right. Yeah, kinda. Kinda. Yeah. I don't know, kinda. No wonder they can't pedal up park or vote.

How big is that tree? 10 feet tall? 10 feet? There's a lot of stuff that's 10 feet. Yeah, right. Can you compare it to the ceiling that you walk around under all, you know, all the time? Basketball hoop. Right. Can you know where that is? Even that. But yeah, that's a way to fairly accurately guesstimate the height of something. Yeah. It's like, okay,

just- Two people standing like this. Well, relate it to something that you know and see every day, and that you know the measurement is. Yeah. So it's... I just think that that obviously didn't happen in that case. No. Well, you know. Better luck next time. Yeah, well, you know.

I guess you could fool her about dick size. Yeah, none of them know. Alright, goodbye everybody. See ya, thanks.