The Dick Show - Episode 42 – Dick on Timeout

Episode Date: March 21, 2017

Download the MP3 The Billboard Prank, squirrel farts, getting locked out of Twitter, Philly sells out in three hours–SO WE GET A BIGGER VENUE, manspreading at the gym, Larry’s secret petting zoo, cat yoga, party ghosts, time wasters and the time police, hockey, real talk with customer service, the mid-life crisis of fifth graders, Power … Continue reading "Episode 42 – Dick on Timeout" The post Episode 42 – Dick on Timeout appeared first on The Dick Show.

Yeah Hey, hey, hey, welcome to dick. You need dick, you love dick, you want dick, you got it, it's the only show where everything in the world is a contest. Coming to you live from a mountain side bunker in the city of failure. Los Angeles, I'm your host, Dick Masterson with me is always a shun.

Hello, dick. Hey, that city of failure thing. You like it with me as always a shun. Hello, Dick. Hey, that city of failure thing. You like it? I like it. L.A. is the city of failure. What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? L.A. is the city of failure because it's like this. It's a hellhole. All of Los Angeles is a hellhole because people with mental problems, with rampant narcissism,

with the level of narcissism in their DNA that is, that is so toxic, that it is actually a virus. True. That it is like a, these people who carry this virulent stream of, of narcissism moved to L.A. Yes. And have turned it into a city of desperation and failure that you can feel when you walk outside.

If you go, if you walk around LA, you can feel it. It is we there is no terra firma in Los Angeles. There's no ground. The entire city is on an ocean of failure that just drips out of a hole in these people's souls and becomes like a tar pit, pulling everyone in the town down. And we can see that from the mountain bunker. We can see this with me today's Larry. Larry, how you doing?

I'm doing great, Dick. How are you? Good. I would have thought this is the city of broken dreams, but failure. That's even, that's failure is a punch in the face. But these people, the dream is just, I want to, I want to have value. Like it's not, there's not, there's no dreams. There's no concrete dream.

Like there's no, nobody wants to build a building or help people. They just want to be worshipped. It's like, I come to this city looking to be a god. That's it. There's something in me that I want you to value me for. I don't want to, I don't want to earn it. No. I just want to show up. Worship me for my duck lips.

Yeah, anyway, this week, oh my god, Sean. Should duck lips? Duck face, yeah. You want to talk about fuckups this week? I don't know Larry was a teenage girl. He is. Oh, he's got, you got, I got, he has teenage girls. That's right. I speak their language. Talk about fuck ups this week? I didn't know Larry was a teenage girl. He is. Well, he's got, you've got, he has teenage girls. That's right.

You speak their language. Talk about fuck ups this week. Last week, last week, the episode went up and I posted it at the same time, the Philly, the road rage Philly taxation and stuff tickets. Yes. I, I wanted to get it out early. I wanted to get the tickets up early. So they could roll in, you know, like I,

I'm just, this is the first time that we've ever done anything like this. It's very exciting. I don't wanna fuck anything up. Ha ha ha. Remember like five minutes ago, what's- When I started this with, this is how I fucked up last week. What are, what are the odds we ever do?

Another road rage. Oh, I'm, Sean, I'm, you got to think we'll do the first. I'm really, no, no. The venue is booked. I know. The venue is, is set. Oh, it's happening. Whether both of us will live, we're just to be seen.

That's true. But it's just that everything, man, it's, man, it feels like I just do everything in reverse. You know what I mean? Like the plan was simple. Get up, get a plan, book a venue, have enough time to announce the dates and plan the event and stuff like that. And then just, yeah, ease into it, like a glider, like a bird landing on a buoy, like a sea, like an albatross, like giant wings cruising into this Philly road rage show. Piece of cake, just got a simple plan. Well, a month and a half later, no plan, no venue, like, okay, this has got to be simple,

right? I'm just freaking out because it seems so simple to book a fucking venue, so I think, okay, I'm going to make a plan, right? I'm just freaking out because it seems so simple to book a fucking venues. I think okay, I'm gonna make a plan right? I'm making a plan. You got to make the goddamn plan. Whatever, whatever's going on, if you have a plan in life, you can look at the plan, you can cut out the instructions on the back of a microwave meal and you can look at it and you say, I had a plan. I had a fucking plan, Your Honor. Dude, I do not send me to jail.

I had it right here. I wrote it down. I was trying my best. This is like, you need this plan though. We're addicted to this. This is like my license to fuck up as this plan. To do it, to try. To start trying, I made this plan in advance.

See, step one, have an LA show first to work out all the fucking kinks. Yeah, yeah. Because it's in my backyard. And I know LA, it's nice and easy. I understand how this town works. They expect failure. They expect failure. Yes.

The whole town is dead. All the time it's dead. As many times, if I have been out drinking on every night of the week, I know nobody is showing up. Nobody, nobody is there. Nobody is at these venues drinking. Every fucking ball I've gone to, every stage show I've gone to nobody dead. So I figured piece of cake to pick one of these things up. We got it six weeks to ahead of time. I'm on the

head. How far in advance could they possibly book fat Halloween music? I don't even have to think about this for at least five, five and a half weeks. Fun. No, I don't have to think about anything. Yeah. I'm just gonna think about, I have too many cables and shit like that and hang nails and pooping. Do I have to sit down when I pee or stand up when I pee? Yeah. This is what's weighing on my, the LA venue,

far in advance, the Philly venue, all so far in advance, but that's not how time works. No. No, sadly it does not. Next in the older you get, the more you realize time does not work that way. You know, it's interesting, I don't know if I've talked about this on the show, but I read this headline

that said your brain process is time when you have new experiences. Like because that, you know, cause there's no like finite quantization of time in your mind, right? Like you and I, you know, you have a good judge of time and I have a terrible judge of time. Like if you say, oh, you mean like where we are in the day

or how many hours it's been since we did this or you're like a relative. Yeah, or even like years. Like I think like five years, and I think like I got like six memories of that. That was five years. I just lived it right now, and I just lived it through five years.

It's like the feeling of the passage of time is measured in your perceptual reality and your brain, like your sense of self by the new things that you experience. That's what the headline said. All right. Reading a lot into it. Because everything's behind a paywall now. Yeah.

You can't learn anything. I'm like, oh, I'd like to read more about this study. Hey, you have an ad blocker. We're not going to let you watch it. We're not going to let you read about this if you disable your ad blocker. Well, you can suck my cock if you think I'm disabling my ad blocker because you morons always play videos when I'm just trying to ad blocker, because you morons always play videos when I'm just trying to look at the news.

So fuck you. You're not getting this ad blocker down. I'm not falling for that. I'm not falling, I'm not, I don't care anymore. I don't care about whatever you were talking about. I'm just gonna read the headline. I know you morons just read the headline. So I'll just make up my own story around it.

And you know, it's what everybody does. So everybody does it. Yeah. So that fucking report. I just read this article. It's like, make up my own story around it. That's what everybody does. That's what everybody does anyway. So that fucking report. I just read this article. It's like, well, you read most of the headline. And you misunderstood it. And you misunderstood it. And you misunderstood it. So this thing said, this headline said,

and it wasn't what the article was about anyway. No. This headline said, because of the way you conceive of time passing, the middle of your life is actually when you're 10 years old because that's the peak of experiencing new things. And that every, yeah, every second after that is an accelerated and diminishing amount of time that you're experiencing in life because it's stuff you've already done. Like the day will zoom by, the week will zoom by, the years will start zooming by because you just aren't experiencing new stuff.

Sorry for that. So about what they say, the middle of your life, 10 years old. Wait, wait, wait. The middle of your life is 10 years old. Yeah. When you are 10 years of age, yeah, yeah. That's the middle. And then everything else is there's so many same shit

that you're doing that you don't store in that whatever memory that is, that that's the middle of your life. And anyway, that's perfect. That's what makes total sense to me. That's why the road rage show is late. That's what I'm saying. It's not my fault.

Yeah. So it creeps up on you. You want a 10 year old, the book of fucking transcontinental road guy? I'm excited to do that. So LA goes by. I can't find my backpack. Everybody crawls.

Everybody want, they want to help, right? Is it how I'm thinking, oh, this will be no problem. Randy throws, I told the story last week about how Randy's trying to find a venue and people are just basically filing his card in the garbage when he goes to show up. That was funny. Yeah, so finally, finally, we get a venue.

Thank God, thanks to Asterios' writing partner, I get a venue in Philly, and I'm gonna get the tickets. I get everything set up on Eventbrite. She's a pro at this, right? She gets it all set up. She's such a pro at this. She knows how to deal with my habitual MIA-ness, missing an action, then I'll just go three days

and then I can't. I couldn't answer it. I don't know what I did. I just had a lot of jerk off bullshit to do. So we booked the venue in Philly. And I get the tickets up on the site. Last week, when I post the episode, I always try to post the episode right when you give it to me, Sean.

And I'll write the thing and usually goes up at like two or three in the morning. Yeah, you do. Yeah, because I usually get it late the night before the news. That's why usually when I say see you next Tuesday, I mean, write the fuck when it's Tuesday. I mean, Tuesday afternoon. Greenwich mean time. I mean, Greenwich mean time. Tuesday on the button.

If you're waking up wherever you are on the face of the earth, if you're waking up and it's a Tuesday, I want you to have hot dick in your ears, in your hands. I want you to have a big handful. I want you to have two hours of dick to enjoy while you're driving to work, while you're working while you're driving Ikea furniture from the factory. And if you're in Sweden or if you're raping kangaroos in Australia, whatever your job is, I want you to be able to enjoy dick on your Tuesday. Your Tuesday, this isn't an America centric show.

It's a global worldwide show. The sun never sets on dick. I want it in your hands and your ears. I want you to have as much dick as possible. Everybody. man, woman, as much dick as you can get all day, every day, but on Tuesday, starting on Tuesday, brand new, fresh dick, most exciting day of the week see you next Tuesday and it starts at midnight. Okay. So I get it up. I get the ticketing system up very easy, very easy event bright ticketing system, and I say, okay, I'm gonna post it up there, throw it up on Patreon as well,

and then we're gonna see what happens, you know, and we get plenty of time, we get five weeks, then we'll just, we'll let it come in, we'll see how it's rolling in. Everything will be nice and easy. Everything will be nice and easy, you know? Like, steady. I'm gonna glide in, like an angel, like an arc angel,

looking so beautiful and majestic, nice and easy. Not someone who fucks up everything. This is someone who gets everything right. Every third. The first time, because they had such a good plan. They didn't even need to show the plan. They just showed up and people are like,

did that guy even have a plan? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know, because it went so flawlessly, he probably didn't even have a plan. Not the guy with his shirt on tucked in his suit that doesn't fit right in his tie-all fucking tied wrong, digging in his briefcase for his evidence of a plan that he left at home to tell the judge

that he's not a fuck- up, because he had a plan. So I wake up on Tuesday, after posting the episode at like three, four in the morning. Wake up at about seven or eight, you know, I'm a light sleeper. Anything, anything sets me off. And now that I'm out of Hollywood, like my brain has been rewired so that if a squirrel

farts outside, I'm up like a jack in the box. I like it's I didn't know this before, but living in mega city one had first of all covered my brain in a blanket of white noise. Sure. That I have now lost. Because anything, man, anything happens. I crack a toe in the middle of the night, I'm up. Boom, what's going on? Who wants to fight? What kind of, is there any bobbidooks in here? That I gotta start busting in their cock?

Is there a coyote that I gotta fucking tangle with here? What's going on? What's going on here? What's going on? So's going on here? What's going on? So I wake up at about seven, sold out, the whole show, sold out, people. What the fuck is this shit? You've been hyping this for how long?

Instantly, so instantly sold out at three in the morning? How the fuck were we supposed to get tickets at three? Like, who's watching this, this corner of the internet at three in the morning to get tickets? So I think, and some guy on Twitter put it perfectly, he goes, I knew you were going to fuck up and misunderestimate or under, I didn't, he didn't say it in a stupid way. I'm saying it in a stupid way. I knew you were gonna fuck up and underestimate, but I didn't know you'd fuck it up this badly. And I'm like, God, but I had a plan, man. I had what? You've underestimated this whole show.

That's true. Now see, I have no idea about the potential success of a show like this. But it's like, I remember what were you saying, maybe, oh, if we got 500 bucks a month or something, that would be, yeah. Like, it's great. I mean, it's great to be wrong. But it's, you know, how many people do it?

No, it's not. It's never. I'd rather be right. Oh, you know, no, no, no, no. No, you know, it's funny too about that. Um, but it's like, I mean, the Patreon for this show is like the 19th biggest in the world. I know. It crossed, it crossed 20,000 last week.

And somebody said, Hey, Dick, so are you going to do that roller skating routine that you said you were going to do at 20,000? I'm like, what the fuck you talking about? You're going to be careful about what you start promising. Well, apparently I said that if it was over 20,000, I would do like a like a tasselie silly professional. I would get a professional silly pants to design me a roller skating choreograph routine. But I guess I got to do that.

Triple axles and everything. You have to. Well, yeah. You've done, you've done. You've got to guess. Yeah. Whatever I said, I'll do. If I said I will do it, I'll do it.

I've certainly done more for less. Anyway. Anyway, I go into panic mode because the worst thing, this is a big, awesome show for us. I want to make it as awesome, as kickass as possible, as big, as, you know, I want to make it epic and explosive. I want to make it rowdy and huge. So I said, no, this is not going to work. We are not doing a show that sells out

and fucking everybody who didn't get a ticket. No, right? Did you have any kind of a, of a, just a guesstimate on how many people, was there any kind of a, you know, metrics you use? What do you think you asked if I had a fucking plan? Yeah. Sean, you're gonna see my fucking plan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, so no idea how many people you thought might show up. I don't know. Maybe be interested. Well, how many people so now that that will show? You've got a new venue, right? So how many,

so we go in, I go into panic mode. And this is just, I just raise, I go on Twitter, I need an adult. Yeah, I need an adult. I need an adult. Someone I'm searching my email for like Philly venue because a lot of people threw out venues early on and I was just like, I don't have to read this email right now. I got all the time in the world. I got all, I'm going to play with stickers on my laptop.

That's what I'm going to do. I don't need to worry about this. So this guy, let me get his, let me make sure I get his name. Dick had by the name of Timothy Hindermeyer. He's a DJ and not the Tim Changs kind of DJ. Right, right. He's an artist and Philly. He hooked us up with the Troca Dero in Philly. I looked it up. Huge. Yeah, it's cool.

It's in the historic district or it's like a historic theater. It's an old burlesque show. So, fat shows like me are welcome to perform there. Huge theater, enough room for everybody. It's a lot more expensive, but I would have to kick my, I would be sick if one person wanted to go and didn't get to go. Yeah, totally. You know what I mean?

Cause this isn't like a, this isn't an exclusive event. This is, everybody, as long as you're 21 and over, cause sorry, it costs way too much to let kids in. Yeah. I don't know why that is, but if you're, if you're under 21, it just costs too, fuck a much to get you in there. We'll figure something out for the next one, but um, the bar. Oh, yeah.

Multi, there's more bars than you can dream of, Larry. It's going to be like, it's going to resemble the milk bar and clockwork, but it's a liquor flowing. So this is what we're going to do on the Philly Road show. We're gonna do it. We're gonna have, first of all, by the way,

if you got a band and you're in Philly, send your stuff in post on the internet, whatever, cause I like to have an opening, opening act, an opening band for the show. Even though they always piss me off when I go to a show, like I'll go to a Neil hamburger show where I go to Lebowski,

and they got a band opening up. I'm like, God damn it, can't you just get to the main? But everybody loves it. I think I'm fucked up in thinking that. Usually the openers aren't very good. Well, let's get a good one. That's what we're gonna do. It's gonna be good.

We're gonna have a rage off, of course, at the Philly show. I got a sash and everything. For the rage champ, the road rage champ and Philly. We're going to have a Shawna like contest. I don't know what that is. I don't know if you got to come in Sean cosplay. Oh gosh. Look at the like. Whoever's got the best, who's ever got the best, Sean look alike, the Shawna like and the Zinger. You got to also, that was Mad Cux's idea. You got to come in with the zinger. That's part of being, that's part of being a shana like, uh, I, I, a stereosis is going to be

there. I think I don't know. Anyway, taxation is theft. Philly road rage Philly taxation is theft. But here's the worst part. So all this is happening. It's sold out and people are wondering what the hell is going on. Like why did I book, why did I book the, the, the birthday section of a McDonald's in Philly that holds 12 people that sells out while you, while you're asleep. It sells out while I'm asleep. Yeah. While everyone's asleep. Yeah.

You know, they're wondering this and I'm like, well, you know, no problem. I'll just log into the old Twitter account, you know, the way that we communicate on masks like this and I'll post a, hey, I know where this is going. Hey, guys, no, I got, I got it. I don't have it under control because I fucked it up this far. So I wouldn't, so you're an idiot. If you trust me to figure, that's on you. That's no longer my fault because I've already fucked up, that's on you. I'll hop on the old Twitter machine and I'll just get the word out.

Simple, right? Just an honest, just me, just an honest entertainer wanting to get the word out to people who are interested in seeing us like, by the way, I think we should play a song. If we get a band there, I think we should play a little bit with them at the road rage tour. Yeah, so bone up on whatever instruments that you wanted that I'm going

to try to bully you into playing. Yeah. Okay. Right. I'll just hop on the old Twitter. No big deal. Get the word out, communicate with people. That's what it's for, right? Sure. Log into Twitter for normal people, for normal people. I log into Twitter. Your account has been locked. You fucked up, your account's been locked, you can get it back in 12 hours. And I think, what are you fucking kidding me? What have I been, I haven't been doing anything. Yeah. And that's, I'm sure that it took you a while to even figure out probably what you had done. Right. I tell you. I sent them message after message. What the fuck did I? What did I do? Yeah. Like huge people get, they let I see son Twitter. They got

full on criminals on Twitter. I mean, they got how many like, I'm a, I've been a professional asshole for what 10 years. I've been, for 10 years years I've been a scumbag and I get blocked now when I'm doing nothing like I'm not, I'm not harassing people, I'm not fucking with them, I'm not sending chicks pictures of my dick, not even a dick mold in my sending them pictures. What the hell, what did I do now? So I email them, what did I, what the hell did I do? What do you, I know you guys are on like a crusade

of wiping out conservative spokespeople, but I'm not even talking about that. I'm doing nothing and they say, well, nope, you gotta wait. You gotta wait in your timeout. You gotta think about what you did. Think about it. Before, I'm like, how can I know what you did? How can I think about what I did

if you won't tell me what I did? I'm just gonna sit here and fume about it and think about how much I hate you for 12 hours. So I do, I sit there for 12 hours, thinking, month of going over the, going over to the, the GAB, the Twitter competitor that's, that was designed by a five year old child. If, with a crayon

It's like the worst design on the face of the fucking earth and they expect you to jump over there because they're pro free speech But every single inch of their website is covered with cute sayings about free speech and a fucking interface doesn't work Why don't you work on that? But I look I wanted to be successful because I fucking hate Twitter But let's be reasonable. Let's make it work first. Forget. That's all I'm gonna. So I sit there and film.

Go over the stock, go over the stock Twitter thing, go over the rules, what the hell did I do? How can I get this resolved? What's plan B? There's, is this is, this is my, this is my life now. The Sunday, this will be over. It's like watching, like I know I get to use their precious little platform now, but soon I won't be able to for no reason.

You don't know what? So finally, 12 hours of laps and I'm sitting there. I'm watching the clock. 80s girl comes home for work. We're banging and I'm like, okay, babe, we got to wrap this up because I got, I'm in the host count for 12 more minutes. I'm in time out for 12 more minutes thinking about what I've done. Think of what could, what's, it's not about what I did, but what's wrong with me.

That's why you're in the, that's why you're in time out. Not, hey, think about what you did here. It's go think about yourself and just come around, come around to our way of thinking, to our way of thinking where, where way of thinking, where, where we butcher stats, where we condescend and patronize, where there's no name calling, but we do hate you and want to ruin your life if you disagree with this, but no name calling. Right. Yeah. No, no name calling.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, no. Well, fuck up your business. If you don't agree with us. Yeah. But oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Unless you delete this tweet of yours that was reported because it's, it's harassment. So they, after, after you get out of the Poke, they finally tell you what you did. Yeah. Well, they show you the tweet and say, if you want to keep using our platform, you have to delete this tweet. Yeah.

Let me read to you what the tweet was. Mm-hmm. It was to Brett Anderson. And this is my tweet to him. Nice exclamation point. Looking tough, my friend. Period. That's because Maddox is very busy sucking his own dick. Period. Band from locked out of Twitter. Yeah. because Maddox is very busy sucking his own dick period.

Band from locked out of Twitter. Yeah, for that. For that, because he posted the guy bread, posted a picture of himself in a dick show shirt and said, why is Maddox's book late? And I said, hey, nice shirt, it's late because he's busy sucking his own dick. Band, gone, nice shirt. It's late because he's sucking his own dick. Band, gone, gone.

This is the bullying they're protecting, a 40 year old man, being bullied, saying that other men are saying that he's sucking his own dick on Twitter. Oh, we can't have that. Band, I wonder how much worse just goes unreported on a minute basis, minute by minute basis. Let me back this up. So, this wasn't their bots fared,

fared this out because of some text clearly. So basically anybody, anybody who wants to say that's offensive can fucking report any tweet and you're locked out. Is that how that works? Because really, it appears that way, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. Who wants to say that's offensive? Can fucking report any tweet in your lockdown? Is that how that works? Because really, it appears that way, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. This is action against bullying taken to the extremes,

where instead of protecting the week, we're protecting middle-aged men, from harassment, from other middle-aged men, have we, what the hell is, what's the moral of this story? When are they going to lock out just everybody? Everybody, but I mean, everybody, but I mean, look, exactly, everybody, to pow well. Did they like him out? No, of course not.

Talking about pimping out the first lady. Yeah, they didn't like him out. No, no, that's okay. Me, me harassing a 40 year old man by saying he's, by saying that he's obviously, obviously he's not sucking his own dick. I'm clearly being satirical because his dick is too small. This is, it's preposterous. It's a joke, Your Honor.

I had the, see, this is, this is the people versus Larry Flint. No one would possibly believe that Maddox is actually sucking his own dick because everyone knows that it's too small. I have facts on my side, daughter. He is admitted on his website that it's small. And not in the way that guys will say, like, well, you know, I have small big noted. He's like, yeah, I have a small dick. You got a problem with that. Like, okay, buddy.

Okay, buddy. This is, you know what the lesson was, and back to the future, it's not that Biff is a bully. It's that George McFly is a pussy. That's the lesson was, and back to the future. It's not that Biff is a bully. It's that George McFly is a pussy. That's the lesson. That's true. Because as soon as he sacked up, oh yeah, sure. He won.

That's right. That's it. Yeah, true. He didn't need somebody to come in and block. He didn't need a billion dollar company that's losing more money than God every week to come in and run a screen for him. So he wouldn't get his precious fucking feelings hurt.

Hmm. I don't know, Twitter, the lockout really made me rage. and run a screen for him. So he wouldn't get his precious fucking feelings hurt. I don't know, Twitter, the lockout really made me rage. I would imagine. Because I'm sick, entire of the, it's a private business they can do what they want. Excuse. Because that shit only ever hurts me. They're a private business they could do, whatever they're,

like your phone company can't just shut off your fucking phone because you're talking about something they don't like. They can't do that. I can't just not show up to work because I don't have paid taxes. It doesn't apply to anybody else, but these guys can do whatever they want and they are until everybody thinks and talks like a pussy

because you think exactly how you talk. Yeah, well, yeah, they condition you that way. You wanna use their shit, you go by their rules and you got no choice anymore. Where else are you gonna talk to people? Yeah, well, man, you know, I mean, I don't know, out in the world, I guess. No, no, you can't do that.

You can't do that, you can't do that. It's like Denzelci, you don't leave your house anymore. No. There's no reason. I mean, where does, I'm saying, where does this pain, there's probably a reason to leave your house. You know, you could like, that's that way they, they can't block you if you're like right and, you know,

their face. You're right, I should send, I should send out people, there's got to be like an Uber Twitter competitor where you can, where people will just show up and knock on door. Oh, they did that. Like a hero. In the and knock onto it. Oh, they did that. Like a hero. In the TV show, the black mirror.

They did that where everybody had retinal cameras implanted and like multi-terra-powered drives in their necks. Yeah. And so everything everybody saw was recorded and trans, with the whole thing. Everybody was wired up. Yeah. Right? And so if you did a bad, bad, a spankable offense as you did, they fucking block everybody

from you. So you could walk into Times Square on New Year's Eve and see nothing. Yeah. Well, I remember that one. It's terrifying. Yeah. And that's where it's going. Now, I, now using it, I got to not say shit that I would normally say.

Right. And it's not a big deal. I gotta not say shit that I would normally say. Right, yeah, right. And it's not a big deal. Like, I'm not going after people that are a week. Like, I'm not like messaging threats to people on their platform. I'm making jokes about guys who are notorious assholes sucking their own dick. What the fuck? What universe sucking their own dick. What the fuck?

What universe is this? Yeah. It's the PC universe. Yeah. Well, that's what made me a rage. Larry, what makes you rage this week? Thanks for coming in, by the way. Hey, thanks for having me.

So it's good for you. Now is it a great, I was at a St. Patrick's Day party. Larry's St. Patrick's Day party. Larry, by the way, has the greatest bar slat. Larry has like an actual bar in his house, like he excavated it and attached it to his house. Great St. Patrick's Day party. By the way, Sean, what kind of a sick bastard requires us to record on a Saturday after St. Patrick's Day instead of our usual Sunday? Oh, I didn't realize that. I didn't know it was St. Patrick's Day, instead of our usual Sunday. Oh, I didn't even realize that.

I didn't know it was St. Patty's day yesterday. War reenactment tomorrow, which one? Battle of the world? Yeah, exactly. Hamburger Hill, what are you doing? We're going back to World War One, we're doing, we're done. Ha, ha, ha,, Larry's party wrapped up exactly when the, I think the topic that where the party is always done for me

is when ghosts come up. Oh, yeah. And everybody goes around the circle starting to talk about ghosts. I was able to say, well, that's it. I'm out of here. I'm out of here. I am way too drunk to stay at the party.

I gotta go home and get some rest. You gotta get out of here. This is when the demon comes out. Where am I keys? I got, I am possessed by a ghost who is an asshole. And when I start hearing this shit, this is when he comes out. I got no control over.

That's the creatures coming out. St. Patrick's Day, I can't be hearing this stuff. I can't be hearing about ghosts. And say answers. And I can't, I can't, I can't, I gotta get out of here. So Larry, that's a chick thing, you know, the ghost and say on. Oh, it absolutely is. Always. And it's a chick thing, the ghost and say on the floor. It absolutely is.

Always. And it's a thought of you. Yes, it is. They don't wanna hear that. They don't wanna hear it, but we're saying it anyway. What makes you rage? The gym, not the gym, assholes at the gym.

Assholes at the gym? Yes, and as I alluded to earlier, I was actually at the gym listening to your show. You go to the gym? Yes, I do. What do you do at the gym. Yes, and as I alluded to earlier, I was actually at the gym listening to your show. You go to the gym. Yes, I do. What do you do with the gym? I eat. No, I do. You're on the shower. Yeah, the shower, that's pissed me off. They used to have showers there. We're excellent. They must have like a tankless water heater because I always go there. I say, I'm going to take a Hollywood shower, right? In movies, people are in showers for fucking days, aren't they?

I'm in the shower for this man. Yeah, but I never had the time to do that at home, but at the gym, now, just a week ago, they took out these great nozzles that would knock you through the tile work, and put in this fucking low flow thing, it's like having an infant dribbling on you. I mean, it's just, you know,

and so it's so infuriated because they think they're saving water. When in fact, now you're in there. It's running for 10 times longer. Exactly. Fuck you and fuck your low flow shower heads. I love that they're out of the world. Yeah, you're right.

Right when the drought's over, they put the city for every problem. Lake Tahoe is going to overflow. Yeah. They said that, it will. But before that, it will. But before that, before I got to the shower, I'm in the locker room and, you know, it's a typical locker room.

Lockers on both sides, bench and the middle, right? Talking about grabbing, everybody's talking about grabbing pussy. Exactly. Never heard of once in this locker room, no. But so I head for my locker and there's this asshole sitting right in front of my locker and this is another thing these assholes do. It's like, I can't take up just the space where I am. I have to take all my shit, my cell phone, my wristwatch, my fucking whatever, all the crap

and spread it out about nine feet of this fucking bench, like a smorgasbord of my shit. Like what? Like the street vendors. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. about nine feet of this fucking bench like a smorgasbord of my shit why why like a street vendor exactly a bunch of garbage exactly you know so i i have to this guy sitting right there and i say hey can you move over my you know i gotta get to my locker here right and this fucking guy instead of shifting his ass one way or the other and his crap down the bench he fucking pivots with his knees closed like Audrey Hepburn and a pencil skirt. And I'm supposed to fucking stand in front of him and do this stuff. Nude? Are you nude?

Not yet. Are you doing a nude ballet with that? No, not yet. And I'm like, I don't believe this asshole. So I proceed to pull a fucking door open and then the guy decides to move, sort of, maybe a couple feet down to bench so I can actually get to my ship. But then here's where the payback came in. I feel something underfoot, his ear buds. I'd crush them, I'd crush them

as I got my stuff out of my locker and it felt better. So that's what makes me your inconsiderate assholes. And you know where else they do the same exact shit? On the rare times I show up in a house of worship, church for my kids or school stuff, right? And you see this all the time. What do you do every Sunday? No, once a year.

Twice a year. Twice a year. What happens is, these people will sit, they'll have their asses bolted to the aisle seat in that pew, okay? And then there's like 19 empty ones, be sure. And instead of stepping into the fucking aisle, so people

can get past them, they'll just, no, they're not moving. And so people, I've seen them make, you know, all ladies with walkers climb over, it's so Christian, I'm not moving, this is my turf. Yeah. You know, and people have to fucking climb over to get to their seats. So those ones, I also make sure I step on their open-toed sandals.

What do you do with the gym? What's your routine? I do about a couple of miles on a, you know, elliptical and treadmill and I hit the weights. You do like that? I know. Just like you. Men don't do legs. I've really been wanting it to shower at the gym lately. I don't know if that's maybe... Just bring your flip flops. two legs. I've really been wanting it to shower at the gym lately. I don't know if that's maybe I- Just bring your flip flops.

You don't want to stand in that shit barefoot, you'll get athletes put. In fact, I knew a guy that got ringworm off a fucking bench from his head up. Off a bench. Yeah, it wasn't in my gym, but he was doing bench presses and the next day he had, you know, shit in his hair.

Just, I guess, some 30 bird had been on the bench before him. Yeah. I don't know why, but I always wanted to see Jim The going to the gym on TV and everybody's got their locker and there, you know, they get they go there and Play a house and take a shower and then get all dressed up and have that locker room camaraderie. I always thought that was that was the way that going to the gym worked. Snap and tell each other's asses. Just like a bar, but without the opposite,

like without the drinking. Like you go there and you shoot the hot goss with the men in the gym or you take a steam and you have your cubby of crap in there and you have like a new, you start a new day there. Like it's that you're maximizing your utility of the gym, but it's not, it's more like a, like a prostitute. Like you show up in the gym and you hit it as hard as possible and then you're gone. There's no, no, there's no social. No, that's right. I intentionally go to you and I belong to the same gym chain.

We don't anymore. Oh, no, did you change? Yeah, I changed from LA fitness. To go all Hollywood. Well, we don't have the only LA fitness here is in Glendale and I don't want to go to the Larmini to go to the gym. They all suck. They all suck.

Number one, number two, I intentionally go to the shittiest one. Do you remember that one on, there's another Southern California reference, but the one on, on Ventura Boulevard and like pole faxish with the, it's the, the, the, the free weights. It's like a dungeon. Yeah, it's down there. It's disgusting. It's dark. It's damp. I intentionally go to it. I, I, it's my favorite one because nobody talks to anyone. That's the best. Yeah. Nobody even makes eye contact. Right. Because it's so disgusting.

I don't have to talk to anyone. Yeah. Well, as soon as I walk in, boom, the buds go in my ear. Whether there's anything on them or not. I mean, the other cord might be in my pocket, not even into the phone, because that's just, don't talk to me. Yeah.

No, the one I go to is like honest Joe's gym from Dodgeball. Average Joe's gym from Dodgeball. Yeah. Like, I go there and I just get the impression that they're trying really hard to have a gym and that's good enough for you. So, yeah, but you know what, man, I find you remember my workout routine? I spend two and a half hours looking for the 15 pound weights. I've never spent one second waiting for weights at this gym.

Yeah, that is a whole lot of wall plays. Like God, fucking where the hell are near way the fuck over there? Yeah. I think that those, that those big chain gyms ruined it. Yeah. Like as ever, as much as everybody bitches about Walmart killing small businesses, my experience with a big gym and now a little gym is that all of those big gyms should be wiped off the face of the earth because they're terrible. They're terrible.

All the machines are dumb, they're gross. Nobody uses anything except like the 10 guys that want to use the thing you want to use. Oh, I know. I know. It's not like that at the little gym. I don't have it at the little gym. I just go scream at somebody. You know?

Yeah. Pretty nice. Good to scream. Alright, I got bits from Asterios. So old, old favorite. Oh boy. Transmitting on all short-wave frequencies. This is Adlerster Tushu's Gansen with the biggest problem in his- No wait, I cannot say that anymore, it's been copyrighted. The massivist problem owes in history, taking the history out of the pastory,

examining historical events occurring this week that make me a rage. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You can, you can contest a trademark unless it's about ownership. If you are, if you're contesting one about ownership that you think you own it, no, no dice. You can't do it. You just gotta let it go through. You gotta let it go through and wait until you get sued. Unless it's about ownership. So you can't, I can't do shit. You can't do shit yet because it doesn't go on through. Yeah. And then I, I, once it goes through, I still can't do shit. Yeah, because it hasn't gone through. Yeah. And then once it goes through, I still can't do shit. I got to wait for there to be actual legal action to do anything.

So it's just sitting out there, like a fucking sliver. Maddox trademark, the biggest problem in the universe is his own podcast. So then you would have to, you know, you didn't trademark anything else of his, like the best page in the universe, the biggest cuck in the universe,

any of his other properties. So he would have to own it, then you would have to violate it, quote unquote. And then he would have to sue you, right before, before anything happens. You can actually get to the bottom of this. Otherwise, where it's like, oh, he should have never had it in the first place.

Well, at some point would they, Jesus. You know, fees aside, would they, would they, would they revoke the trademark if it was proven that, you know. Yeah, but it would have to get that far. How to get that far is my understanding is it would have to get that far to do it. So however, get this, uh, because, because his trademark, because Maddox's trademark application,

had his PO box on it. had his PO box on it. This dude in IRC, top artist, Red Wolf, figured out that because, remember on the old show, when Butt Sanchez's package got all fucked up and broke hot sauce everywhere, and Maddox City had ridden his bike to get it. The guy, like triangulated about where he actually lives, thinking that he rode his bike there and thought it would be a quick trip, right?

So I'm looking at IRC and the guy read wolf says wouldn't it be great If we just because Maddox wants to block dick on everything like he's fucking blocking me on Twitter Right blocking blocked me on every possible thing out of out of the out of the biggest problem Facebook group out of the domain everything I'm blocked deleted from the website deleted from the last episode red wolf says wouldn't it be funny If Dick took out a billboard on The way Right outside of where Maddox actually lives to the PO box Can't block that.

Right? Fucking show. Oh my God. So I'm watching this and I say, is this happening? I say that would be funny. So I call up the billboard people and it's like 300 bucks, Sean.

No, no. Outdoor advertising doesn't cost anything. Nothing. I can get, I'm talking. and it's like three hundred bucks Sean no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, register the trademark, I'm gonna pay to get a dick show billboard right outside of his fucking house. You gonna block me, bitch? You gonna block me on Twitter? Black fucking that. Scale black that from your fucking eyes. Pull that hat that you always wear for some reason, because you don't want people to see

how bald you are on fun YouTube. Pull it real down low. So you can't see the billboard that I'm putting in your fucking backyard. Very funny. So funny prank, right? That's how you do a prank. Not getting people banned online.

This just reminds me so much. You remember the South Park where they had the, he was the dwarf. Yeah, we're just like bullets. I think that's a real guy. Yeah, something like that. And it's just like, Mr. Mackie is like, I think you should just let this one go.

It's like, you can't do it. You can't do it. I'll file it. It's, I'll show dick, I'll file a obscure legal trademark, even though I've got no money to fight any court battle ever. All right. It's hard to let things go, but it's going to be a lot harder when it's staring you in the face.

Well, that's what I mean. At some point, you just go like, look, it's never going to go away if I keep responding to this. Yeah. I don't get it. Well, we'll see, because I talked to the guy, I talked to this guy on the phone, the billboard guy. Yeah.

And he's like, he's surprised that he's getting a call. Because I'm like, hey, I need a billboard right now. I need to write now, like, you know, how I need everything. No one needs a billboard right now. No, I'm like, I need to fucking, I need this one and this one. And he goes, well, can I interest you in this other billboard? It's got better traffic and he's telling me about the views and the traffic.

Oh, this one gets 50,000 a week. Impressions we call them. He's explaining to me like the metrics of billboards. I'm like, I want this billboard, this billboard. You don't understand. I'm trying to fuck one guy. This is an revenge board board. Okay, we're going to fuck about it.

It needs a viewership of one. Yeah, that's it. I got the cash fuck one night. This is an revenge board board. Can we get a fuck about it? It needs a viewership of one. Yeah, that's it. I got the cash in my hand. Just shut up and take it. Shut up and sell me these fucking, and he's like, well, how long have a campaign? Were you thinking? And I said, in forever.

Forever. I carve it on the fucking moon if I could at this point. Forever, never take them down. Whatever you got, I'm gonna give you my card. You tell me when it runs out. That's how funny it is to me. And he's like, like, it's hard to, I know there's a scene in a movie that captures this,

where the guy's like, I just, I can't believe these guys came in and bought all my, like, I forget what, it's some kind of robbery or casino type movie, where they come in and buy out the whole the whole thing. They come and buy out all this guys wear. I wish I could remember what I'm talking about.

Maybe the the chat stream. Well, think about it. Hi, Lacey. Come on in. Sit down. Sit down. So the guy's like flustered that I'm asking to just buy all his billboards in this, in this one little tiny area.

And he's like, whoa. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can, I can send you the, and he's still going through his pitch., yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can send you the, and he's still going through his pitch and I'm like, dude, stop, you're done. Stop selling after the clothes like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's why you're on billboards. Just give me the fucking billboards that I want. So two days later, I get an email with the price sheet. I'm like, yeah, this is, this is great, but the problem is, what's the problem? I don't know what to put on the billboard. Just you. you oh wait. I think there's probably some top ought to

Should I just put the biggest problem in the universe available at the dick show doc? Okay, now use your fucking trademark go ahead hire a lawyer to sue me to remove a billboard You can't there's no damages there to cease season to this, but it's gonna cost you fucking money to file it. I mean, why not test it? Because if you don't contest the trademark, you lose it. Yeah, like what happened with AdViller, Aspirin. They didn't, yeah, I don't know about this.

Yeah, yeah, so that's why like, that's why some companies are very aggressive with over their brand like Ford, I think is one. Clean ex, Clean ex, that's true. They'll sue you if you use it as a generic term. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, people use it enough as a generic term. It becomes a generic term.

Like aspirin. Like aspirin is not, nobody, even though I think, I don't know who I'm just making it fair. Yeah, they invented it. It was theirs, that's their name, but they didn't protect it, God, when people started using it. And now everybody could use it. So if I got that billboard up there, they didn't protect it. God, when people started using it, now everybody could use it. Yeah. So if I got that billboard up there, that's right.

Like, you know, clean, yeah, clean X is it. That's a brand name. That's not it's just a tissue. Right. But people use it as a generic term. But yeah, obviously not legally. It's not ragged. It's not ragged. That's what you call it. It's like company. Yeah. Okay. Let me play a stereo scat me on side track. Let me play some of these beds. You're negma. This is this day in shit story. This is things in history on this day that made a stereo serrage. Okay. Okay. But you know, he can't really see him. Sorry. We're going to be so.

Mark 21st 1933. FDR makes wine and beer with up to 3.2% alcohol legal. We're just fine for him because his legs don't work. It only takes half as long for him to get drunk as it takes me. Some of us aren't lucky enough to have contracted polio. Give me a real goddamn beer, you twiggy roller fuck, before I throw you in that higher place, you're always hanging out in front of. Yeah. Roller fuck before I throw you in that higher place. We're always hanging out in front of

March 21st 1962 a bear becomes the first creature to be injected at supersonic speeds I say again a bear becomes the first creature to be injected at supersonic speeds Oh boy, pretty sure that experiment yielded all kinds of useful data. Hey fellow scientists, did you know that when you eject a bear at supersonic speeds, it doesn't work out great for the bear? Forget supersonic speeds, there's a lot of regular speeds where ejecting a bear isn't very healthy for the bear. In fact, if a car were sitting perfectly still, then that car had a bear in it, and we injected the bear, not great for bears. Hey, science, I wanna see how bears react

to being hit with a flame thrower. One grant, please. What's 1984? The sitcom Kate and Ali from years. Keep off the age old question. Who's more fuckable, Kate and Ali premieres You got the angel question who's more fuckable Kate or Ali? Susan say James the free spirit Jane curtains more buttoned up and god damn it If I don't want to get both of them into a filthy disgusting three way where I unleash all my darkest carnal desires on these two sassy sexy divorce a I can't wait to milk them, but their uncles farm What the hell are Kaden alley? Yeah, you don't remember the that's we were really young when that show came out

It was I were yeah, I think it was a sitcom. Oh, it was too. I didn't know they were I didn't know they were sexy sassy No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, do so much for coming back to the show on this Saturday after St. Patrick's Day, John. Hi, it's so much fun to be here. Hi, so much fun to be here. You're welcome. Did you have a good St. Patty's day? Yeah, I did have a good St. Patty. How about you? Mine was pretty bellow.

I didn't go out, do anything crazy. Can we get her on the mic up more? People want to know, did you ever end up going to that pussy cafe that you were talking about last time? So about the pussy cafe. Wait a minute, what pussy cafe? It was a cafe that's overrun by vermin. That's their selling point is it's a cafe that you can come enjoy with cats, with

feral animals, crawling, and shitting all over and fucking all over your food. That's the selling point of the cafe. It's an orgy dome for vermin. Did you ever go there? I didn't go, I didn't make it you guys. I haven't it yet, there's a problem. Okay. So I checked into it a little bit more. Getting a strong strapping man to accompany you

is at the problem. We can help you out with that. You have to pay a cover charge of $22. Ah! To get in there? It's a stric-plum for chicks. They figured out how to fuck chicks over finally by charging them a cover to get into a cat house So you next up love hekins and they send out a they send out a little cat to walk around

There's all these broads sitting on the stage throwing ones out at the fucking catch on Is it like a bathroom attendant that sells back teen? Sean, is there like a, is there like a bathroom attendant that sells back teen? No, yeah. Something got the hat scratches. Yeah. A piece of work.

Once you get into the cafe, you have to pay to pet the cats. Of course. Of course. No, you got to take them in the back room for that for two songs. He got to pay cocktails only to what is that asked? John, my two John Mayer songs, 20 bucks of songs, special deal right now for take, take Fluffy Kins back stage, back into the back room, back into the kitty cat in it, room. It's a strip club for cats, Sean. That's what I'm saying. It's a strip club, but with cats, they send out the

little kittens, like, what are they real? Real, real, real disgusting. They're playing with a ball of yarn. What does Pita say about this? And should we report them? Well, they're actually doing a favor because they're bringing cats from the animal shelter and offering them for donation. I mean, sorry, for adoption. For people to molest.

To be molest is cat for a baby. But Pita doesn't think you should own an animal period. Exactly. That's a difference between, oh no, Pita. Well, what cats supposed to go then? Oh, they kill them. You, this is, yeah. Well, how's it supposed to go then? Oh, they kill them. This is, yeah, this is a nihilistic organization that things animals should just be dead.

They don't want you to, they don't want you to know them because it's like slavery. And then when they get them, they kill them. They have like, it's like, it's close to a 98% kill rate. Oh yeah. This is not a true. I'm not. I'm being funny, but it's true.

I mean, it's kind of comical. Yeah, no, they, um, keep taking a lot of people think that they will go, like, you know, re-home them or send them to a place or something like that. It's most of the time, they just euthanize them. Yeah. I love that I love that there that PETA's ideal scenario is for animals to exist in a world of constant starvation. Because that's what the wild is. Everything grows and fucks until the ones that can't eat every fucking day die. Sure. And everybody else is starving. There's no economy in the wild. It is a zero, there's no wealth generation

in the wild kingdom. And it's just animals fucking and eating each other in a constant state of terror. The ultimate meritocracy. Yeah, yeah it is. They should all go out and give them a big stamp of approval. You guys are nailing it. You've got it, are you starving right now?

Cause that's what we want. We don't want any, just sitting in a person's house, eating every day, not having one care in the world. This has all been on talked about before, right? That that's what the wild, that's what nature is. Why the fuck would we send an animal into that? Who would send a kid into that? Here you go, you got nothing.

Well, how am I supposed to eat? Huh? Could you do it? Could anybody in Pita go out into the forest and survive? The why the fuck do they want to send animals out there? Yeah. It's hell.

All right, welcome back to the show. The cat cafe didn't work out. It was a no go, but they do offer yoga on Sundays. And I think my birthday's coming up and it's on a Sunday. So I think I might group all my friends together. 80s girls invited. No, she's not. To do some yoga.

Not allowed to do some yoga. All right, what other stupid news do you have today? On a lighter note. On a lighter note, I mean by the looks of it in this room though, it doesn't seem to be working. But Americans are now drinking more bottled water than soda. It's been realized that after decades, a long streak of strong growth bottled water has surpassed carbonated soft drinks to become the largest beverage category by volume in the United States in 2016. No kidding, good.

A bottle of water. Owned by the soda companies. It is, totally. I don't care what you drink. Yeah. We're out of the hose. I know it comes out of the hose, but it's convenient. What am I carrying around a tumbler wherever I go to get water?

Like, it's not. You know that in your bottle, and you can. It's not a scam, it's a convenience thing. That's why the bottle of water sells, because it's convenient. Sure. We all need to be hydrated all the time. It's more important than anything else. I need a bottle of, I would like there to be more packaging on the bottles. Quite frankly, I would like to, I would like to have more things packaged in that way. And as a scam and sold to me.

What about air? Light, air, period. Yes. In China, they're now selling bottles of air. Oh my God, it's a space ball. Space balls has happened. They needed that. It's pretty expensive. I'm just so fucked.

No, so fucked. So fucked that they're selling bottles of air. Yeah. It sounds like a dish in a Chinese restaurant. All of them are so fucked. Isn't it? So fucked. It's giving me the so fucked. Isn't it? That's so fucked. It's giving me this so fucked.

Wait, it's time to talk. I love this so fucked. When they just bring out a woman. Ha! That's not it. Don't you make that fucking face to me. I'm making the thing about that, you know, that the major difference in,

they bring out a baby girl. She's fucked. Yeah. Yeah, you understood. Have you guys? And you still acted like that? Have you guys heard about the raccoon that's obsessed with breasts? The raccoon? Yeah. Really? Raccoon? Is it like a raccoon? Like a raccoon? It's a totally a raccoon. So a Moscow petting zoo? Totally in the raccoon. That's what youting zoo. I'm totally in the rac. Yeah, you like that? A Moscow petting zoo. That's what you got to head that.

Yeah, we got to quit while I do. I'm about to throw out some hot dad jokes here again. Why is there a raccoon? OK, so a Moscow petting zoo has filed a lawsuit against a video studio called Artmask, who recently rented their creature for what the zoo believed to be a regular commercial last year, but really it was a for an erotic ad. And after the raccoon starred in the ad, he became obsessed with breasts because he had to supposedly go after the breast in the shoe. Really? That's what happened to me.

And they're furious because the raccoon's not talking their patrons. It's a petting zoo. So it's attacking a boob. It's attacking a bread. Oh my god. It's a petting zoo. So. It's attacking a boob. It's attacking a dog. Oh my gosh. It's an animal with pets back. What's the problem? I'd go there. They said that the raccoon was really sad and depressed about it.

Yeah. Since corrected the problem. So no longer goes after breasts. But how do they correct the problem? How do they correct the problem? How do they correct the problem? They send it to a sexual harassment? Oh, yeah.

Sam and I are exactly because that's what you need. Yeah. Wow. I'm just giving it rabies. I used to go to a petting zoo. Yeah. Like one of these. You dress up in a raccoon suit and go scrap food.

I'm serious when I was close to like, you know, totally winging out and, you know, getting on top of a building with an automatic weapon. Yeah. I'm sorry when I was close to like, you know, totally winging out and you know, getting on top of a building with an automatic weapon. Yeah, I'm sorry. What? Yeah. When I, you know, well, I mean, you know, it's like I would have never been there. Are you talking about, you know, how it is. Sometimes you just feel like you need to just, you know, just going to explode.

Yeah. And there used to be this kick ass little petting zoo up in the West Valley up on Tampa Avenue. Yeah. And I would drive myself up there. Mr. Melvin and his therapy. Yeah. Exactly. And I'd say you just there. Mr. Melvin in his therapy. Yeah. Exactly.

You just say good day to yourself. No, I'm not. And go to a petting time. Like an hour, you know. That's a day. No, I was at a day. Take a lunch. Yeah, exactly.

A couple of belts of Jack, you know, I do that. And you know, pedal-a-lamon. And people give me the oddest fucking looks. Everybody else in the world. You're drinking petting. He's not a bottle of jack and molesting the old packers. Everybody else has got no toddlers and shit. I'm standing there alone petting a llama. You know what?

But you know what? It works. I mean, animal therapy does, I don't know about color therapy and scent therapy, you know, but animal therapy, that fucking works. That's the truth. Do you remember the llama? I do not want to see you like arrested near a Chuckie cheese.

I'm dead. No, I'm allergic to acrylics. So those things, those places are filthy. When's the last time you did that? Well, the place closed years ago. So too many more points of a drunk weird, poor, literally, man. Yeah, now have a dog like Pat him. I don't have to get traveled for my therapy.

All right, what else you got? Speaking of animal therapy. And, Dick, I know that you probably go to some hair salons, right? You've been to a few. No, do you cut your own hair? No, I'm so into your own hair. I cut it for him. You cut it for him. Yeah. Okay, so a salon in Germany. I chew it off like my nails. Chew off the tips. Hair salon in Germany is now offering Python neck massages as you get your hair cut.

Would you be into that? The guy. I used to when I had a snake like a little ball python and I would let that thing sit around my neck. Yeah, I would just walk around with it and it did. It felt weird. Like it would it would get in there to a point where you would get kind of afraid

that it was about to strangle you because it just wanted that warmth. Right. And I don't know, maybe it liked my throat vibrating, but I would like just sit around letting it, like letting it asphyxiate me. I would never do any kind of jerking off with it. And you laugh at me in the fucking llama and you've got a fucking snake around you.

Yeah, because you're a snake. He's got kids involved in you. I would like, I would just walk around the house. You've Sean, it was with you, play piano with that stupid snake wrapped around my neck. Yeah, you had that thing for some years. Did you feed it like? Sean, did you ever let the snake around your neck? Did you ever get my snake in your neck, Sean?

That's what she's asking. You never get my snake all over your neck No, what was the snake's name? It's literally what was the snake's name? I don't remember snake man. I think I don't give it a name Monty yeah Little people freak out would you take them to the supermarket around your neck? No, I'm not an asshole I would just take it around the house like I don't need attention for it I just thought it was kind of cool to have. I thought it was cool, but it's smell terrible.

It turned out not to be such a great pet. I don't recommend it. That sounds like a stupid massage because they get, it would strangle you. Like I remember this snake, it would just, it's got a push on the front to get the bag. Feel pretty uneasy. Well, that's, you can't control what it does, too.

It could just be in a mood where it wants to go. It doesn't want to be around your neck. Yeah. It wants to escape. One customer said, I often have a tense neck as a chimney sweep. Monty's powerful way has done a lot of work all the time. Oh, fucking chimney sweep.

What's this fake. This is fake. This is fake. Yeah, there's a video that everyone is fake. Yeah. All of this fucking animal news is fake. I remember you're somebody using a snake as a chimney sweep. Is that what you said?

No, she said her neck. And it's tense as well. Her neck, you know, it's a female chimney sweep. That's the news. Yeah. What is it? Where is this from? Mary Poppins. Yeah, it's burned.

His ball pythons Dick Van Dyke. Yeah, it's it's a real news report. That is a ball That is a No such thing is real news anymore. No, it's all fake. It is all fake except for me say that's news What else you caneps still exist. Like I mean, I know it's probably the job description has changed, but I guess people still need their chimneys cleaned out, right?

Sure. I'm more interested in that. That's a term I haven't heard, like used in modern times. Yeah. Do you know anyone who's a chimney sweep? I've honestly never heard it. Yeah, but you've seen Mary Poppins. Oh, you've been deprived. Well, don't worry, they're making a new one and everybody will think it's an original

one. Emily Blunt, I hear. And Julie Anders looked pretty hot in that. She really did. She really filled out that blouse. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Are you guys power-ingers? Yes, anyway. Mm-hmm. Are you guys power-rangers?

Yeah, anyway, no. No? No, oh my God. Power-rangers fans? Um, no, I never was. Yeah, too old. No, yeah, exactly. That's a shit.

Yeah. My younger sister, the older younger sister of me, Yeah. Was definitely a power-rangers fan. Okay, well, on Thursday, this is sort of disappointing news, but a man named Ricardo Medina, who used to play the red ranger, pleaded guilty to voluntary manslaughter. For killing his roommate with the crossbow.

That's what it was. I knew it was something medieval. Isn't it, wasn't the dispute over a parking issue? Over a parking. Yeah, you remember we were talking about parking. Not guilty. Not guilty. I'm not guilty.

I'm not out that plea. He's a hero. Yeah. He stabbed him over a parking dispute. Right. Because his girlfriend parked in his roommate's spot. Oh, and it's in his get double gas chamber for the girlfriend and the guy parking in a fucking man.

Back when I lived at my apartment. If somebody so helped me, God, if somebody was either in my spot or had parked behind me, the fucking pool guy always would park behind me because it was right next to the pool. And I would come out in every time, I don't know what, like, he would, I don't know if he got lost, but he would wander away for like 30 minutes, I would lay on my fucking horn to summon this jackass back to move his car. Every fucking time, man, and every time I wanted to just get him and say, okay, you cost me 30 minutes,

you're locked in your car for 30 minutes now. I'm gonna call the cops, they're gonna see, you parked me in for 30 minutes, I'm gonna call the cops. They're gonna say you parked me in for 30 minutes. I'm gonna call the police. They're gonna sit out here with a gun pointed at your head and you have to sit in your car and not be on your phone and not do anything for 30 minutes. That's even Stephen. That's it. Different level of police. You think about what you've done like I do on Twitter. And my system is better. My system is better to make you sit there as you've been convening, you fuck around on the freeway.

You didn't change your tires or something, you fucked up, you tried to swerve over real fast because you didn't want to miss your exit because you didn't want to make a U turn for God's sake, so you have to turn around and cut seven minutes off your time. You've caught, caused an accident and fuck up 10,000 people's time.

You cause a traffic jam that costs a combined total of 2,000 hours. It copped my police force, my inconvenience police force, will come to the scene, point a rocket at your ass, and make you sit in your car for two weeks. Or however much time you cost everybody else. Did I interrupt your news item? I think I did. I know.

Okay, what's the next news do we need to know? That's all the news that I have for you. It's all the news that we just went to know about Sean. We flew through about five news stories. We got, we got, we got the cat cafe is charging a fee. That was an update. What are your thoughts on Elon Musk revolutionizing the construction business construction

world what does he think he's going to work building tunnels building you know what I wish you'll live in a tunnel if Elon Musk builds a tunnel through LA I will worship him like a god it's never but it's never going to happen this is all part of his indefinite, never-ending plan to scam money from the government. That's all he does. Instant instantly when Trump got elected. Elon Musk is there with his handout, with his fucking plate,

the King Priest, the Pope of Technology, Elon Musk. Hey, gotta work with the new administration. Yeah, you do, because all of the money that you have is just from us. It's just given out to you by us. None of your fucking cars were. How many times, how many news articles did you cruise over of a Tesla fucking up in the middle of the desert? Yes.

Middle of a fucking desert. My car is health is, my car is 15 years old. It's held together by zip ties, by zip ties. Half of the grill is knocked off. I have wrapped it around a curb and a telephone pole. It will never strand me in the middle of a desert because it doesn't have Wi-Fi. That's why it's fucked up. Couldn't see't see that coming. Well, then why did you sell so many of them, Elon Musk? Why, by the way, good luck reselling your Teslas. Good luck, good luck with the second wave, that first round.

Oh, everybody lined up to go. Good luck getting rid of, good luck using them, good luck using them until they're made of rust, which is what a car should do because it costs so fucking much to make them. It should be rundown until it's a nub like a pencil. That's what a car should do. You give it, you keep on, you pass it forward, you give it to your, you give it to your cousin, you give it to your kid, they give it to their cousin, they give it to their friend, they give

it to their gardener, then they knock, they rewind the mileage and take it to a dealership in Mexico and resell it and the cycle starts all over again until it goes to India and keeps getting resold and they put a new thing on the front, they put a new engine and they changed it around until it's no longer George Washington's act. It's reincarnating. It's very funny, Sean. That's pretty good. It's a funny, Sean. That's pretty good. This thing, or,

reincarnated in the out. That was impressive. It really was. That was a pretty good one. It was. Never gonna happen with a Tesla. Cause it's a giant fucking scam. It's a,

it's a giant fucking scam. That's what I think. They just recently discontinued their cheapest model. Good. Really? The, what is the cheapest model, like roughly, price. I have no idea. I think it was around, it started the cheapest model, like roughly price?

No idea. I think it was around, it started at like 38,000. Oh, I was gonna go to $38,000. It's like $38,000. $38,000. That's a bare bones. All right, I'm gonna play some more, some more the biggest, I guess it's not what is the biggest rage

in history that we're doing now. Some of the stereosis bits. This is a guy called the stereos coconut most and most of the most of the. You're familiar with this bit? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, which is the serious. Okay.

Well, he does a bit where he finds that name. Well, he's, well, we have to see. We can use it until he gets sued for it. He probably can't say boisterous, right? Was that trademark too? I don't know what the umbrella covers. I don't know, we're getting, we we're gonna trademark dispute with an asshole right now. That's what we're talking about.

Can you say it or not? Yeah, over the biggest problem in the universe, the old podcast that I was on, my co-host, trademarked the name for some reason. So we don't know why, nobody's using it, but you don't trademark something for no reason. We're trying to figure out why But we can't we can't figure it out until somebody gets sued right so it's just kind of hanging there I'm living over you. Yeah, it's just kind of hanging there like a like a plot point

Right like something that can be used to Right? Like something that can be used to forward a story. It's just hanging there like a gigantic gift from a fucking idiot who threw away an entire show based on petty jealousy. Emotions? Yes, based on emotions. Okay, here's a mock 22nd 1901 in a landsmok interview. Dave Nellie Melba finally reveals the secret of her famous toast She tries to toast in a pussy

That's how you get Melba toast It's a pussy toast. It also explains why Melba toast is so skinny Because she's as tight as a scot's been on payday I wouldn't mind eating her toast. I mean her pussy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm gonna dig out her crumb tray, spread my butter all over. Oh my god, I'm still recording.

Quick, turn this off before I finish. Lazy I apologize for that bit. Did they serve her at the cat cafe? I'm so embarrassed for all of us. They're not allowed to make this thing. Did they make any puns at the cat cafe? I'm so embarrassed for all of us. They're not allowed to make the food. Do they make any puns at the museum of atomic energy. Quick spoiler alert, they all died a fucking cancer. Hey, I've got a great idea.

Let's take all this radioactive stuff and put it in the same place. It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's not true, is it? It's is there goes does his research on these bids, but he is very liberal. I don't know if he just sneaks that stuff in there Let's see who do I got I got some people in the discord. Okay, here we go

Got somebody yeah, I got the the rage lottery winner from this month. He's he's Brady from PA. From PA. Brady, are you there? Yeah, can you hear me? Yes, we can. It's a fucking miracle. Hey, you're in PA. Are you going to be at the road rage show?

I'll be there. Not a miracle after all. I guess Kanye, you'll be there. Oh, no. Yeah, I'll be there. There we go. All right. Do you agree the taxation is theft?

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Everybody who comes to that show, we got to get in the door. You're going to say, is taxation theft? Yes, it is. All right, come in. All right, buddy, congratulations. Also, do you have a ticket? Congratulations for winning the lottery.

What makes you a rage? What makes me a rage is people who don't consider wasting time a problem. Why? me a rage is people who don't consider wasting time a problem. Mm-hmm. Why? So these are the people, I like how you bring Larry in, his last show was about time bandits. Oh really? Yes, no, no, about people who waste your time.

What do you mean? What about people, what do you mean people who waste time? Time, they're like who? Like the assholes at the supermarket have to do chit chat at the checkstand. Vampires. They're not 19 people behind them. They're telling about the gold. Oh, man.

You know what? They're paying by check. And then it's time to do some banking. They always want cash back. And it's never 20 or 50 or 100 bucks. It's like $18.27 back, please. That's those are time minutes. They're everywhere.

And they're all assholes. You know what drives me if fucking insane with what you're talking about is the forced, the forced politeness at the end of every customer support number now. Where after you get your thing fixed, that shouldn't have been broken. They sit there and go like, well, okay, sir, I just want to let you know that I would really love it if you just had an Absolutely great. If the rest of your day could just be really if it could be good If you could be practice mindful and I'm seeing there just going just shut

I can't hang up on you because you're a person like I can't bring myself to hang up on them Just because it's a person and I had and it's The problem is fixed, so I'm not pissed off anymore. I'm in that zone where I'm vulnerable and you can take advantage of me. I go on, I'm sure I just wanna thank you again. And they have to do it. And they have to, and they got the whole script. I feel terrible for them.

I feel terrible for them. Don't you? Listen, I wanna say, listen, you don't have to do this. I know you have to do this. And so if you just wanna run this through to get it off the page, but it's like they probably go back and the boss is probably gonna listen to that again't have to do this. I know you have to do this. And so if you just want to run this through to get it off the page, but it's like they probably go back and live, the boss is probably going to listen to that again.

Of course they do. And I want to be on a list like a no think, no thanks list. You don't, where the call is over and you just hang up. It makes them less human. Oh, it's completely dehumanizing. It's completely dehumanizing. Every fuck, oh, sir, just want you to, I just wanted you to know, sir,

that it's been my ultimate pleasure in life to talk to you today if you could just have a great, and I'm sitting there watching the fuck you. I wanna talk to you about you. I wanna talk to you. I actually have some questions for you now, because that can't be true. You know what I love doing is on tech support,

I was talking to the cable tech support for some reason. I was having a nice call. I don't know why this was. This is a rare instance. I was talking to the cable tech support for some reason. I was having a nice call. I don't know why this was. This is a rare instance where I was in a good mood. And I talked to the, and they flash a little personality. One of those, I was like,

Oh, okay. I was about internet. I was getting an internet upgraded for this show. And the woman is like, well, you know, what do you think about calling? You could add some phone service to this and upgrade your packaging, you know, what do you think about calling? You could add some phone service to this and upgrade your packaging, you know, the usual routine. I said, I don't want phone.

And she goes, well, how are you gonna, how are you gonna talk to your family and friends? And I said, lady, I try to have as few friends as possible. And she goes, my here you. Yeah. And she broke like all the, she broke all the newscaster, and all of a sudden, she's like, mm, you know, my mom always said

that you have more friends, more problems than I was like, you know what I'm talking about then? No, I try to have, it's they always rope you in, these friends, the people who need to be your friend, they've rope you in, the people that don't have a word for friendship, they're fine. They're- Time Wasters.

Yes, they're fine on the periphery, but the people that always want to rope you in to their weird social web, like no, I don't have time for that. She's like, I hear you, I've been doing the same thing. My friend and she starts telling me about her friend roping her in. Well, listen, I'm talking to this fucking customer service,

lady, like a real person. Yeah, like a real person. It's probably why I had such a good time. Anyway, Brady from PA, who's the time-waster in your life? Call him, is it your? Josh Siver, hello dickhead. Who is it? Call him out. Josh Siver.

Josh Siver. Josh Siver. Josh Siver. Josh Siver. And how do you spell that last name? Siver. S-A-R-R-V-E-R. Josh Siver.

All right, what did he do to you? Is this a billboard that he just did? Yeah, do you need, do you want me Is this a billboard that he just does? Yeah, do you need, do you want me to buy a billboard outside of his house? Like, says he's a time monster? Oh God, yes. I would definitely be doing that if I can.

He shows up late to everything. And the worst fucking thing is, is the one time he's on time, and I'm late, never gonna hear the fucking end of it. No, man, you gotta start keeping track. Like, like those chess timers. He's on time and I'm late. We never gonna hear the fucking end of it. No man, you gotta start keeping track. Like those chess timers. I don't know how to those work in chess,

but I know that they do, they sit there, they make their move, and then they hit, but you know, they hit the thing like a cat. I thought Bobby Fisher invented that. But what does it do? It's just like an asshole machine. Like a just, it's what it is. Bobby Fisher was a huge asshole.

But does it score points in chess? Like is it some kind of other kind of chess? I don't know. That's all I have to make a move in a certain amount of time. I guess we can move in a certain amount of time. And then it restarts a time over. I don't know if it can. Oh, yeah.

I thought you could play chess like forever that it's about thinking and not about rushing what you're thinking about. Not in terms of it. Not in terms of it. It's just carry an air horn. Yeah. For the whole day long.

You should have a chest where you got to play mumbly peg while you're doing your move until you stab yourself. Well, you got to, yeah, you got to, okay, get a chest timer with this guy. And then all of the time of yours that he weighs, at the end of the night, you may come sit in the corner like the Blair Witch Project and think about all the time of yours that he wasted.

Or just dump them because consistent lateness is passive aggression. And you don't need something like that in your life. Just fucking broom them. It's passive, you know what I'm saying? Oh, totally, oh no, people. Fuck I know. Huh?

What's that? He's the biggest liberal cock I know. Everybody's fine. No, really, everybody's fine. It's the biggest liberal cock I know. Everybody's fine. No, really everybody's fine. It's a power play. When somebody is always late for you, it's a power play. It's you wait for, oh totally, totally.

You know, once in a while, everybody's gonna get hung in traffic or something happens. But if it's consistent, it's passive aggression power play. Do you lay into people for being laid? Fuck yeah. We are? When's the last time you really hammered somebody for being late?

Oh God, I'd have to think about that. Dick, what about you, Lacey? Are you late? I mean, I was late today. I filled her with that about the scholarship. You couldn't be late. Yeah, you're gonna, I'm gonna make you wait in the corner and win shows, win the shows over in the bunker.

Then you have to think about what you did. What about you, you late, Sean? Depends on what it is. It does, that's what it is. It's always a fun. I really try not to be late. All right, you got anything else, Brady from PA? I'm usually pretty good.

That's all I got, man. I'll see you in Philly. Yeah, I'll see you there. Hey, have you ever been to this trocadero venue? I have not. I'm in Pittsburgh, so it's a five hour drive for me. Well, right. Well, load up. Road trip. Don't be late. Yeah. I don't know. Pittsburgh was so far from Philadelphia. Good. See you later, buddy. Okay. I got...

Pittsburgh is really far from Philly, I guess. It's five hours. He's a clear across Pennsylvania. Five hours or less. I mean, Pennsylvania is a good set for an East Coast state. It's a big state. It's a big state. Yeah. It looks more like the Midwest states, or it looks more like it could be Pennsylvania. Yeah, one of the, one of the,

Pennsylvania we could get a bunch of amish at the show. Oh, you can. You can really? Yeah, sure. What about all their weird beliefs? They don't care. When they see your Samson here, they'll come. Yeah. They'll be like care when they see your samps in here. They'll go. Yeah, sure.

They'll be like, we need that guy to raise a bar. Exactly. He looks like he could push a wall up. Yeah. Yeah. Looks like he could milk a bowl. All right. That's enough.

That's enough of that. OK, I got some more. Put him in the corner. I got some more hysterios. So March 21st, 1765. The stamp act is passed, creating the first ever direct British tax on colonists, which people wouldn't have minded if they'd had cooler stamps. Star Wars Stampers.

Stampers with the peanuts characters on them. Maybe stamps, say, 420 or have the gold stampers. How about some stamps that have like all the captains on them. Like I got a captain for cod stamp. Yeah, I got a captain. Cisco stamp. Oh, which stamp is that you see now we're doing it. Marketing, British government.

Look it up. Yeah. Sure. March 24th, year one, the origin of the Dionysian incarnation of fixed language occurs. AKA, the day the word was invented. Fortunately, the invention of the word led directly to the invention of the word Poo and P.

God, Poo. Oh my God, damn it. Come on, come on. And P, and Poo, and Poo. Oh, that's it. And P, and P, and Poo, and Poo. That's disgusting. I One more Much 25 90 the 10th annual golden Raspberry awards are announced and star trek five wins worst picture of the year instead of best picture of the year where

William Shatner kills God with a full-time torpedo William Shatner won God zero that's a good movie. That's it all right. Thank you as theoryos. I got one guy online Let me see no really really man. Hey buddy you there Yeah, you sound great. What do you want me to call you? Jordan works Jordan all right, so you can I read the email that you sent me? Yes, because I don't want to paraphrase it. Oh, yeah, you do not want to paraphrase it. This guy's got a, this guy's done a very, very important journey. Oh, this seems like it might be getting heavy.

What? I have trepidation with the, Oh, with all the, well, the people who called in saying that they've tried to kill themselves. Yeah, I was like, no, no, that's going to happen, isn't it? Not, Sean, I guarantee you, because this is not, because it's not, it's not gonna be funny twice. No.

No. This is Jordan sends me this email. Hello, dick, my name's Jordan. And I recently have been hooking up with the lady 511 C cup tits and out of this world ass in parentheses right at the top. Right at the top. That's how you do it.

That's how you do it. I met online, we have a fun friends with benefits situation going on that scratches a certain itch. Now it turns out she's been talking to some of her friends and bragging about me to them. This has caught the attention of one of her friends, five, four, easily E or F cup cans and thick was spelled with two C's, which is the way that the young people are describing like a meaty juicy, juicy, okay. And thick but not in a fat way. And she proposed the idea of a three way. I've met the girl before and we got along fine. We were supposed to go grab drinks this weekend

before heading back to my place for a little party. I'm quite excited because I've never had the opportunity. I like that that has to give a reason why he's quite excited. Never had the opportunity to disappoint two women at the same time. So deprecation. That's a joke. Do you have any advice for when the three way goes down

to make the most of this situation? Jordan, where are we at? Where are we at in this story of a lifetime for you? I started hooking up with the second girl involved in the three way. So we're doing yesterday actually on set. On the same patty day. And you're still hooking up with the first?

Oh, yeah. Oh my god, what advice do you with the first. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. What advice do you need? God bless you, Jordan. Look at how you got it handled. Can you fix my life? Are they still talking about it? Yes.

Okay. We're the only people right now. Is that the first girl that we're going to compete with each other? We're going to compete with each other. We're going to be on a real name. Is visiting her parents for the week. So it's on a week. We hold right now.

Oh, it's on hold. You're gonna get, it's gonna be, you're gonna get rain delays forever. What are you gonna, how are you gonna hook these two up? Are you gonna get it moving? I told them it's like moving a piano. You can't, you know, you can't start. You just a little nudge here and there.

If they want it to happen, it's gonna happen, right? Laysie, what do you think? It seems like they want it to happen, right? So when is it gonna happen? My plan is when she gets back to, you know, go out for coffee or something or to a bar and then, you know, see what's going on. My place is always an option.

And so, Jordan, why don't you make it happen as a trocadero? Oh, yeah, we need an opening egg. Yeah, why don't you make it happen as a trocadero? Oh, yeah. We need an opening egg. Yeah, we need an opening egg. Does your opening egg need to last longer than 45 seconds? Nope. It doesn't. Well, good luck, man.

I really want to know how this turns out for you because he sent me, he sent me this email like two weeks ago. So, but the girls are talking to each other, right? Yeah. Definitely. Jordan. So, so isn't it probable that they're going to start like competing with each other too? Oh. Like if they talk about him to each other, are they, their friends, right? Are they friends? I mean, this, they're like a weird poly group, I don't know. What's a weird poly group? Yeah, what's that? Apparently they shared a guy before, but not together at the same time.

Huge data issues. Oh, you don't need any advice from me. I do want to know if this works out. Well, yeah, yeah, just an update. Yeah. Absolutely. Oh, man. Where are you from, Jordan?

Calgary. Calgary. How did you fall ass backwards into this? I was on okay, jubid, because I have that kind of time and I was searching for who's new for the day of the day of the day of Dictics. And I started eating the first grill, Lindsay. And yeah, she immediately told me in one of her first messages

that she doesn't want anything serious. She's just looking for like Casual sex. I was like perfect. So yeah, how did she? How did she? 24. Oh my god. How do you 26? Sean this is what's happening after us. Yeah, the whole world has become this after us. The whole world has become this. The internet man. We got so fucked. Our generation X. We got so fucked at everything. Everything crippled with student loans. Our cars are giant buses. They took everything good from us. It's time to fight back. Yeah. All right, buddy. It doesn't sound like you need any advice.

Yeah. He just wanted to call it a glow. Yeah, he wanted to call it a brag. No, not particularly. I mean, it hasn't happened yet. I will see how long it gets strung along for Blue Bulls. It's about two weeks. How old is the thick one?

28. Perfect. Oh my gosh. So you got 24, 28, right? Those are the eight. Yeah, she's a nurse. I actually really like her so far. All right, you should send in some pictures. Is she gonna wear a nursing uniform? I don't think scrubs are very attractive. Get them to wear a dick show stuff. Yeah. Send it in. That would be awesome. Yeah, we awesome.

I'll buy a shirt. I'll say, if you're sending a picture, and I'll send you the fucking shirt. Okay. But he wants it back if this doesn't go down. Yeah, I want a shirt. I'll say, if you're standing in picture and I'll send you the fucking shirt. Okay. But he wants it back if this doesn't go down. Yeah, I want it back. If you're just gonna, if you give me a little off, if you're just gonna jerk off in it, I want it back. All right, maybe you should be given advice. Really?

I don't have any advice. I'm like a turbo nerd and I just follow into these weird situations and just kind of weird. I'm unbelievable. There's hope for everyone. All everyone at this awesucks act. Yeah, this awesucks act is bullshit. How you you're probably like James Bond when you're not calling in bragging about your three way.

No, I build movie props as a hobby. I'm a turbo nerd. You build movie props as a hobby. Yeah. What do you do? That's a perfect. And what do you do for work? I work a shipper receiver and a warehouse. No shit. Yeah. Well, what do you do? That's a perfect in. What do you do for work? I work a shipper

receiver in a warehouse. No shit. Yeah. Well, good luck, man. I want an update. Absolutely. Well, doesn't know how you disappoint both these girls. Hey, what makes you rage? I have my original rage was one dust in head, but I had to think of a second one, opinion contrarians. Okay, what are those? If you post any opinion, say like, you know, I love Blade Runner, there'll always be some asshole who will come out and be like, you know what? I think I'm gonna be super overhyped.

Yeah, yeah, true there's. Yeah, just true there's a completely all the restaurants. The opposite side. Yeah. Yeah, that's a problem with all this. A lot of people do that. All this diversifying, all this global community network. Just bullshit. I just want to hang around with people who agree with me. That's it. I don't want to talk to anybody. Nobody wants, nobody wants, no, what is the point?

I'm not making any calls. Just shut up and not and say, yeah, that's a good point. Tick, what you said about the thing, it doesn't matter. It's a great point about Blade Runner. It's a great movie. This girl on Twitter says, she's some about Blink 182. I was like, Blink 182 or better than the Beatles. Sky Confident.

This go crazy. Every, yeah, I'm gonna piss on the cares. Doesn'thmm. Sky Confident. Let's go crazy. What the fuck? Every, yeah, we've been talking about cares. Doesn't matter. That's just, they were great. Better than, better than, better than Mozart. Yeah. My favorite band, Blink 182.

That's what we're doing now. Nobody with anything to lose has ever been swayed by an argument online. True. No, all right, buddy. That's true. I have a good one. You do, good luck. Good luck. He doesn't need luck. No, he doesn't need us.

He's well on his way. Let's see. Jim apparently has got on his side. A real fucking. The guy falling ass backwards into a crazy three way. Jim Fees says, fuck, I really hope Mad Cux becomes the new permanent co-host. He's already a brilliant comedian and poetic justice would be just too perfect. This was absolutely the best episode yet last week. It was an episode. It was.

I love that episode. Have you listened to his bonus episode, Mad Cux? Not yet. Oh, it's great. You got to download it. He's got his own little fake crew of people who like, you know, pretending to be the other show. It's really funny. His, their version of Raka, Kaka, is hysterical.

Like he pauses just for so long to get these like, yeah, like the little dismissive, yes. The mighty plantains as Maddox filing for trademark was born out of fear. He was afraid that dick and Maddox, Madcucks would revive the biggest problem. You think that's, maybe that's true, I don't know. I, I, I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't know.

I have no idea why he would, why he would trademark that. Me either. I really don't, I'm completely at a loss. I'm just, I don't know what'll come of it. What the plan is, if there's a point, you know, when it was trademarked. It was trademarked the day after Mad Cuck said he was coming to LA. That's why that's why we suspect that it's like we were going to. Well, I can only think that I can only think that it's Sue us that he believes that he owns that solely and anything after that is pure

conjecture, but he hasn't done that to any of his other stuff. No, well, he probably never thought that he had to. I mean, it's going to be obvious. So maybe he, I don't know, I have no idea. Maybe he's thinking, if I get it, then it'll be true. Or, you know what I mean? Yeah. Should I trademark the word pointy?

Yeah, you should do that. Okay. Old Impressorios is it's not common But when you either when you see either a woman or an unescorted lady at a bar reading a book 100% of the time she doesn't want to read that book True true. I have to say that's true. Really you think that's true? Who would bring a book to a bar? I don't know anywhere to drink a beer. It's who wants to read a book cover? It's a signal banner that she says she wants to busty Haley and her comfy PJs be talked

to. I wouldn't even mention, at bonus tip, I wouldn't even mention her book when starting the conversation because it's too obvious. The book might be something crazy. Any other way to say hello will do. Funny is kind of the world. I haven't had so much since I say, oh, that's great, George, old Impressario, thanks as you think that's true. Girls at a bar wanna be bothered if they're reading a book. I couldn't even answer that

because I've never been in that position. Yes, I've never even seen it. What do you think? I'm just trying to figure out why the hell you would be reading a book out of bar. I'm picturing like, sitting there on a book. I mean, I can see that like at an airport bar, something like their train station ball, but a bar like a pickup bar.

I've never seen anybody reading a book in a, you know, in a meat market. Apparently it happens to this guy all the time. All right, that's it. The tickets for Philly Road Rage are going to be on sale as soon as I get them. The venue has their own ticketing system. It's for Philly Road Rage. You're going to be on sale as soon as I get them. The venue has their own ticketing system. So unfortunately, I got to refund all of the event right tickets and go through them. But I've got all of your email addresses.

So I'll put you in first. Those people will definitely take it right now. We'll definitely get a ticket. I'm going to try to set aside. I'll figure out some way to set aside Patreon tickets and then we'll turn it loose. If you got a band, send them out. If you obviously if you wanna be a Shawna like,

make sure you get your Shawne costume ready for the event. The Neck T-shirts only. And have your Zinger prepared. Fucking madcook. Thank you. Thank you, Lacey. Hey, the contest animal news. What? The contest. What contest? Another idea since everything's a contest.

Okay. I was thinking between Lacey and Peach, I guarantee you there are many thousands of guys out listening to this show. Yeah. And when she's doing the news or peaches in the studio, suddenly they start driving one handed. These women, so there should be a contest really for the Miss Viagra voice of the Diction show. Are they turning up the volume? Yes, Miss Viagra voice of the Diction show, right? Because these two could go to like George Michaels tomb and call him out and make him straight. Really, they're that good. He wasn't straight. Okay.

You know, so wouldn't that be fun? And instead of like 60 seconds to the rage board, how about these two get to talk, some random guy into 60 seconds into just a frenzy of self abuse? Huh? That was very nice. No, I don't think that's appropriate. from random guy into 60 seconds into just a frenzy of self abuse. Huh? There you go.

No, I don't think that's appropriate. I don't know what you would say to find out for. Who cares if it's appropriate? There's that six phone operators. Not yet. It's a newswoman and a professional video game player and a writer, a comedy writer. Right.

These aren't 900 number operators, these are professional women reading the news, and I don't I don't want that. I don't want that. Not that your fans would. Well, hey, they can do that on the own time. I don't want that contest to be, I don't want to I don't want to spearhead that sick contest that running a reshpectable star bunker masterbabies

that's disgusting nobody wants that do you want to do that Sean I stop paying attention yeah you've got that Larry show we're going to we're going to experience that Larry show your podcast. Oh that Larry show.com and Three cool things are coming up next episode is A road trip not your road trip but an a road trip story of mine Okay, and then the bonus episode is about vengeance Punching a guy in the face

Anything all kinds of vengeance and then soon You know the the Larry store the Dojo store is gonna open up. It was on Bang and Merchandise, so that's it. That I gotta thank you for all of it. Deck, I mean, really, it wouldn't be happening with enough of you. You're a great storyteller. Let's punch each other in the face.

Yeah, have you ever denied that I threatened to punch you in the face if you would go on Maddox's network? Well, I've never denied that uh... but i but but we but see thanks to last week show we have it on tape and uh... there's a couple of attorneys looking into the matter yeah you know and there may be there may be legal action so from last week get ready for what about originally originally me threatening to punch you with we get this cockamami story that i threatened to maddox's

that i threatened to punch larry in the I threatened to punch Larry in the face, was it if he didn't come on my show? I think so. Or if you didn't have a show on the Madcast network, you should like that. If I forget, it was a stereoist's version, and it was very convoluted. It was very convoluted.

Very convoluted. I never quite got the sequence properly, but according to a stereoist, it was if I, I guess I'd already guessed it once on your show, and then if I did something on Maddox's network, then he said, Maddox said that you said you would punch you in the face. No, no, punch my fucking face. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Punch your fucking face. What would you do? What would you do if I showed up at your beautiful house yes knocked on the door and said hey what's up Larry how's it going hey uh if you go on mags show i'll punch you right in your fucking face how would that go i i just can't imagine that happen i mean how would it like what would happen how could that you know

how would it it makes sense in like a diseased brain you know it may be some alternate universe you know. How would it make sense in like a diseased brain? Did you say that? It may be some alternate universe, you know, but it would be a great funny thing. You could throw a, throw a, you know, pull a punch or something and fall and, what would you do? My kids would be entertained.

Has anybody, oh, I would throw a punch and fall over and the kids would laugh at me? Yeah, of course. Have you ever been threatened like that? In your, in my life? Yeah, in your life. Yeah. What did you do in that situation?

Throwdown. Yeah. That sounds, that sounds about right? Yeah. Like what, what I think you would do. Yeah. So if I threatened you to punch you in your face, we would immediately have a fist fight.

No, because we're friends. So that's why it doesn't pencil out. I mean, if you were some stranger, maybe, maybe, I mean, I don't really like violence, you know, I really don't. Yeah. Uh, the really don't. Yeah. The most violent people say that. You know, so I like petting zoos. I mean, that's what you do.

Well, I gotta go to petting zoos. I gotta, my alarm is waiting for me. In fact, you know, at that petting zoo, speaking of violence, there was a boxing chicken there. And he would box with anyone, in fact, you know, at that petting zoo, speaking of violence, there was a boxing chicken there. And he would box with anyone, including myself, with a boxing chicken. A boxing chicken. I'm not kidding. Maybe a stereo's got the story wrong, and I threatened to send a boxing chicken.

Do you imagine what would you do if I showed up and said, Sean, you butter your ramen, I sock you right in your mouth, right in your kisser. I can't even say it. Sean, I'm going to punch you right in your mouth, right in your kisser. I can't even say it. Sean, I'm gonna punch you right in your fucking face. I'd wait for like the punch line. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That's why Sean's got to have his finger contest. All right. Thanks for listening. Everybody go to the dickshow.com not dickshow.com because that is it. That takes you right where you think it does. That is it. That is it. Twink spread eagle.

Patreon.com slash the dick show. We'll see you in Philly. This remix is from my room records. See you next Tuesday. Presenting. It's beautiful. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it.

I'm not sure if I can do it. Larry, how would that masturbating contest work? Logistically! 60 seconds to the moon, you know, right? And then the guys would like rank them? Yeah, you're the audience! The audience would rank them. How about this? Intensity and duration.

This is depraved. I mean women of all the parties. Well, I guess it's up to you. Let's get the distance. I'm standing in the way. So you like the idea though. Should you circle back to it now? Yeah, well. I just want to know how it would work.

That's my favorite part of ideas. Okay, let's pencil it out then. You do a phone interface thing. Right. And then maybe you have Lacey and Peach in the studio at the same time. And they put on their best, you know, 900 number voice. Okay. You know, I wouldn't even have to be x-rated. I mean, they could sort of like do a work around. Just it would help. I would know. That's

what he talked about this. So go to the extra mile. Yeah. To win the contest. He's going to have to be x-rated. To do it. Exactly. But as they say all the time, we have the technology to verify. Yeah. So if you could Skype and you could do whatever you want, didn't it? What are you doing with Skype? Is that for the kid pig? Well, for the caller. Yeah.

OK. Right. Well, well, it's a good idea Maybe there's a business there But you know is in search of contests. I'm just trying to be helpful. That's all right. It's always another contest. Oh, yeah Okay, let's see. I got some voicemails here. What's going on Dick? This is fleasy D from Virginia. I just heard the podcast from last week and I Really got a kick out of your story about the license plate saying no fat chick. So I figured What the hell I'll do that. Yeah, so I did and went to the DMV in Virginia and Sure, it should. Yeah, no fat chicks as you had it

spelled out is one they don't allow you to have figured I'd try and verify and see if I can't get it reversed and again I told them the story that you did how I sell phones and the license plate is for my business Good story and it was already fucking taken and I asked someone like hey, can you fucking tell me when this license plate Specifically was taken and they said you're not gonna believe this but it was less than a week ago That's what makes me a rage. On original fucking license plate idea. Anyway.

What did you write? Oh no! Oh man. I hope that guy, whoever did get it, what if he's actually a cell phone salesman? Yeah. I hope he sends it in. That was a good cover by the way. Cell phone salesman? Yeah, I hope he sends it in. That was a good cover by the way.

Cell phone salesman, I like that. Change the phone. That's very smart. Yeah, I'm a really amazing liar. Yeah. I don't know. Really. That's good.

No, this is Dr. Phil. Oh my God. You and your friend, your old co-hosts, gonna be on my show next week. Pretty good. It is. It is. It's started to let you know that me and him will be discussing those episodes. You said we're deleted.

You know, they were only deleted, Dick, because they go against my value. Some of the things you were saying. Yeah. And I just didn't want that to put out on TV with somewhere where kids and families could be exposed to it. Sure. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day day because I'm not a shitbag like you. So hopefully you next week,

be sure to tune in to my show, Dick. So I can almost see him actually making that call. That was really good. I can almost see that's the real doctor. Did I tell you about what happened to those episodes? So the episodes of Dr. Phil that I was on are impossible to find. Yeah, they pulled them. They did. You were on Dr. Phil that I was on are impossible to find. Yeah, they like pulled them.

You were on Dr. Phil. Oh yeah. Oh, you got a lot of fun research to do. I was on Dr. Phil for five days as being like a huge ass hole. Yeah, it was awesome. Dr. Phil said this is maybe the worst chauvinist I've ever met.

They're the worst, they said chauvin. Is it even say massage? It's best. He was not an actor. Yeah, and he's not an actor. And I was on the shave day. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Happens happens to be selling a book, but he's totally for real. Yeah. Come on. So, so the episodes went out and they're hysterical. Because it looks like

that it looks like a WWF performers on a real show. And nobody realizes it. Like it looks like a show of a show looks like a WWF performers on a real show. And nobody realizes it. Like it looks like a show of a show. Looks like a sketch. It's five days long, five hours of content. It was there for a whole week. It's the funniest prank. I certainly, I will, I can't stop that prank.

So we tried, we've been totally unable to find these episodes for 10 years. They came out in 2007 or 2008. So it's, we've been totally unable to find these episodes for 10 years. They came out in 2007 or 2008. So it's been eight, nine years we can't find them. So I put out a bounty. What did I say, a thousand bucks? I think somebody got something like that. Somebody's gotta have them on my hard drive.

Somebody has to be a stripper. Somebody's got a hookah. Oh yeah, Ma has to be a stripper. Dr. Phil fans, some psychotic maniac into, you know, Yonkers has gotta have like stacks of these tapes and DVDs we're gonna say. They're even, even before, you know, the digital age and massive hard drives, there were companies that would archive television.

Yeah, of course. On VHS, those things are probably in a VHS vault somewhere. So, some dickheads tracked it down, that's $1,000 bound. If you can get them, I want them, I want everybody to have them. I'll give you a thousand bucks. If you get a good quality, you know, not 4K, but not like a bunch of, not so they look like Muppet,

like a sploge on the screen. Like just a good copy, yeah. Archival copy. Somebody did find that two of the women who were in the house with me sued Dr. Phil under the pretense that they were tricked into being on the show because they would get personal attention from Phil. And the lawsuit went back and forth between these dumbbrods and CBS.

And I guess part of the compromise was that those show those episodes are moded from the earth are deleted. Completely. So they're, it's, they're actually, I might have to up the bounty, because they're, they're gone. They're like, they're not in the, they're not in the syndication. They're not in the archive. Maybe they're in the CBS archive. But I don't, I don't know what kind of ship they must be in the CBS archive, but I don't know what kind of ship, they must be in the CBS archive, right? There's no way they would just delete footage, they would just leave it at a rotation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there's, no, I would have to think that those things are 100% backed up. So that's why those chicks were so embarrassed about being on the show, that they sued the episodes off of TV forever. How could you not have recorded those yourself? It wasn't that easy to record back in the day.

Like, I, they're on a couple of DVRs, but there's no way to get... I'm surprised they didn't send it to you, usually when you're on a show. They didn't think they were not in my court. After when I came out, they're like, oh, I'm like, oh, it's guy. But still, but that's like, I mean, that's something that they own, correct? I mean, like, yeah. They're not gonna give them to you

so you can promote yourself based on their property, right? I mean, it doesn't show up. Or you sign up to millions of contracts. I did. I think she does. Yeah, well, that's what happened with those things. So I don't know. I hope that somebody has them on a hard drive somewhere

and they can make a little bit of cash for being an obsessive hard drive hoarder. If they could capture a shyest flag, they're gonna find those. I want that fucking flag too. I'll pay for that flag. I'll also pay for that flag. Big only amateurs carry around fucking blast.

All right, what you gotta do is you gotta go get an empty lotion bottle and then wash it out with hot water. Make sure you get all that shit out or else it'll give you the shit. Don't want that on your night of drinking. Then you dump the whiskey into the lotion bottle and nobody says shit. It doesn't come up in a metal detector and no one's gonna say anything to a guy that looks like he's drinking lotion. It's fucking me.

I think it's a joke. I think it's a fucking joke. It's a joke. I'm not one word. Anybody ever done that? Flotless logic. I knew of that trick, but I've always been afraid to do it

because I know I know that I'll get the lotion bottle like specifically a lotion bottle. You've thought of it. Yeah, that's what he said. I've thought I've heard the sunscreen trick. Yeah, I know that I'll put it off and I'll get it like 10 minutes before opening day at Dodger Stadium and I'll be in the parking lot, hosing the inside of the sunscreen bottle out and then dumping like between my legs, dumping like a bottle of Comchat Kavadka and it behind a dumpster. And I know I just I get sick thinking about two dodger dogs in your boom. Sliding into third. Yeah, I'm talking about. Yeah. Pants are home. Yeah, pants are full of foam, Sean. Yep. I'm talking about the diarrhea song.

Yeah. All right. Let's see if I got I got one one oh you make me so horny I don't know who that was too probably you that's it yeah that's it that's that's that hey yeah question for you why did you release the tickets for a filly time? We could look at the one of the get the filly crab not any Tom Dick and Harry to show up. Or at least when they'd be awake. I was just wondering. Have a good day. Fucked out, man.

I fucked up the ticket things. Oh my god, you have got to keep Peach on the show. One of the best parts of the biggest problem was whenever you have this stuff for a point where you're just fucking yelling for 10 minutes straight and nobody busts your balls like Peach. You got to keep her around. Keep Peach around. Should we do that? Should we keep Peach around? Yeah, of course. Yeah. Just keep peat around. Yeah, of course. Yeah.