The Dick Show - Episode 421 - Dick on Large-Bodied Bicyclers

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

Sean has kidney stones, Carl Spitale in studio, lady boxers, men can have babies, race wars, bad dads, and the OnlyFans class action lawsuit; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

You like that? That's a relic. I love it. Bop ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba I think it's because you say stuff that he won't say. Usually people try to- Very black. Yeah. Very black. But he would say, and I did say, in fact, you could go back and listen. Yeah, perfect. That's what it is. I do the different trumps. Yeah.

Like everybody does like the speech trump. Where he's like, talking to everybody and he's just- Yeah. But you gotta do the one where he's having a conversation right next to you, like he would say, I think that's gross, I think that's disgusting. There we go, see how long that took? Okay, what did he say to that woman

when he became a tentacle monster and raped her at Bergdorf Goodman's? Did you remember that? What's Bergdorf? That lady. Is it? First of all, I told those two fellas, and I said this,

you gotta stop hanging with the Muppets, those guys. You're talking about the guys in the balcony, Bergdorf and Goodman? That's their names, is it not? Yeah. What did you say when you, when you raped that woman inside of their box? What did you say to her?

I said, excuse me. I'm not going to be here long, so stop with the noise. Stop with the noise. You see her interviews, that lady? I didn't. Oh, wow. Crazy, crazy wine aunt. Cold beers.

She mixed up her wine and her Xanax, I think. Really? Yeah, she was drinking Xanax on Anderson Cooper. So did it happen? Absolutely, there's no possible way. They've never been in the same building together. It's just totally, and the jury found that he also didn't rape her,

but that he did defame her by calling her crazy. Yeah You got to really be careful with women these days, you know when you're getting accused of rape You don't want to hurt really hurt their feelings. His defense was the best. Yeah That would get hotter girls than that was like his defense was like and that was it. Like his defense was like, ew. Yeah, ew! He's the only man to ew. He was like, ooh, I've got the ick.

He was like, gross, no. They were like, he raped me. And he was like, no, that's gross. I'm gonna stop you right there, that's nasty. I'm not taking it off the table, but it's nasty. Oh man. This was, this is gonna turn me trans. That beer?

Yeah, there's extra gay stuff in it too. That's what I heard. We're all messed up. Where have we passed the Rubicon on trans stuff? Conservatives are now saying that men can get pregnant. Did you see that? Hold on. The boxer.

Did you just mention a Jeep? Did I? The Rubicon? Yeah. If you're not terminally online talking about politics all day, crossing the Rubicon is probably a phrase you've never heard or used before,

but we use it like good morning and good afternoon and good night on a psychotic obsessive. I was like, dude, I fucking passed a Rubicon in traffic on the way here dude, fuck that guy. Marco Rubicon, you don't know that one? Should we start the show? I think so. Where men are getting, men can get pregnant now, I've heard it.

The both sides agree, finally, that they can get pregnant. What else do you call, with the boxer, right? The boxer, the woman boxer, who's a man. Everyone I don't like now, every woman I don't like is a man! Every man I don't like is a pedophile. That's the new... That's the new marching order. Okay, I'm gonna start the show.

Do you have a strong opinion on that? You do a sports show, right? Do you have a strong opinion on women's athletics? You know I do. Especially the bruisers? Especially the bruiser one? I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I special fill-in episode a very somber a very We're on we're on pins and needles over here folks Sean's Sean is in the hospital

Wow, and he joining him is Carl Spitali I'm a big man from the the host and the of the big uglies right what's happening the big and the ugly Which one are you the bigger the ugly? I'm a little bit of both. You're a little bit of both What's and Josh is a lot more of both, Josh Denning, your co-host? Yeah. I would say I'm more of, well, I'm super big. You are super big. But I'm also in the ugly.

Yo, it's funny that I say that with the ugly shit, do you get the anti-Semitic fans that we have? I wouldn't call them pro-Semitic fans that we have? Because I would just say this, like, you see my nose. I wouldn't call them pro-Semitic. You know, you see my nose. My last name is Spitaly. Oh, yeah. You're not Italian.

You're Jewish. It's Italian. Do you have to bolt some things down in here? No, but every single one of them. This is all fake gold. We talk about, like, Owens people. This trophy's not real. You can't melt this down, Carl.

That's what you think. Dude, they did a's what you think. Dude, they did a funny ass joke. So because we said something they agreed with. Yeah, which was what? The earth is made of marshmallows or something. I don't even remember. The moon comes to life and has a vagina.

We were criticizing. And they were like. It's not Owen's fault for backing over his dog at home. Is that what you said? Dude, they were like, I don't know's fault for backing over his dog at home? Is that what you said? Dude, they were like, I don't know what tricks you two are up to, right? And then they fucking took a picture, like took my profile picture and blew it up

and then had some black and white dude measuring my nose. In- Like CSI for Hitler's CSI division? Dude, it's hilarious, bro. Yeah. And I'm like, see, that's good. Let's measure this fucker's nose. I don't know what you two are up to.

Guys, we gotta stop measuring Biden today. Let's set aside on our racism schedule. We're gonna be measuring Biden for about an hour, then we're gonna get into Kamala's birth certificate, and then I've got motion. I gonna I want to measure a Carl Spitaly's nose I don't even get the benefit of the doubt of being this used to be a Roman nose right they used to be like oh what is he a fucking WAP I don't even get other slurs or any of that shit anymore it's just immediately goes oh I already

know you're afraid that he was like like, let me guess, Zionist. And I'm like, okay. Is that what you're, I don't care. Wipe him out, I don't, I don't care. Zionist used to be a word that you'd have to look up too. I remember my first heard it, I'm like, huh, Zion, what's that? I have to look up a lot of words. Is that like the Matrix?

Yeah, now it's Zionist. I don't even know what Rubicon is. Zionist. I'm pretty sure now I stopped using Zionist because it's bad now. Like, well, it used to mean what it means, now I can't use it anymore. Can I be honest? Yeah, go ahead. Rubicon sounds like a Jew scam.

It's just a jewelry scam or something. It's a ruby. Bring your rubies in. Rubies for gold. And they're like, no, no, no. These aren't real. But we'll take them off your hands. So are you Jewish? No. Oh, you got, yes is the answer. Then you can say whatever you want. I know, these aren't real, but we'll take them off your hands. So are you Jewish? No. Oh, you got, yes is the answer.

Then you could say whatever you want. I know. Yeah. But then I also. I said that in Kiwi Farms just right there, like, well, yeah, he's Jewish. I'm like, well, guys, you're right. Thank you for, please get the word out.

That's how you get away with it. You can get away with whatever you want. Nah, not with these fucking trolls. You can't, if you even alluded to your, they were like, we fucking knew it. Rah! Am I old? What did they say? Dude, I just have to. What did you say? Controls you can't if you even alluded to you were they were like we fucking knew it My old what did they say? What did you say don't tell me what they said I was like dude, I wish so I'd have a leg up by now

Sean Was in the hospital all day serious. This is this is doesn't get any more serious. It's not cancer It's not any pussy shit like that. You know, people have cancer, everyone loves you. You know, they raise tons of money. You can just, you can raise money. You say, I have cancer, you pocket it, right? It doesn't matter. We just lied about it. A comic did that.

It did? Who did? It went on Ellen. And said he had cancer and he didn't? Yeah, dude, look him up. It's fucking Quincy. Quincy. Yeah, Quincy Jones, like the composer.

Quincy Jones, the composer. He lied about having cancer. Well, at least, no, but he was like, dude, I'm fucking gonna die. And Ellen's like, I'm gonna pay for your special. And then the guy's still alive. He lives in like, Van Nuys or some shit. When you break out the I'm gonna die card, you have to use it, use it or lose it.

It starts getting, you start feeling like they're overstaying their welcome, don't you? And then you don't want to be that guy, but then you're like, I thought this motherfucker was dead already. You can't be that guy, but it weighs on you. It's like a load that you're carrying kind of always, because you're like, you're kind of like, you're boobballing me on the death here, man. Because then you don't want to spend too much time with them, because you're like, you've been here too long. Yeah, there goes Trump. There goes. Crooks over here, long. Yeah, there goes Trump. There goes.

Crooks over here, whacked him, finished the job. Excuse me. Sean, Sean was in the hospital all day. Serious shit. With a very real, at a very real risk to his precious penis that he has. He's got a kidney stone that I'm hearing is the size of a of a meteorite

From Armageddon in there from drinking the doctor said he drinks too much Diet Coke And he's got the meteors they're sending Bruce Willis down his urethra With Aerosmith and Michael Clark Duncan Michael they picked the wrong guy They're sending in a special team of guys, a ragtag team of oil drillers. Fucking Ben Affleck, dude. And cosmonauts. To get that stone- Cosmonauts. To get that stone out of his penis.

This is very- I mean, his dick's never gonna be the same. I've been telling him all day, it's the worst pain anybody could ever feel. My mom had a kidney stone, and it was a mild one, and she said it was worse than childbirth and he said, well thanks, thanks a lot. He's been very appreciative. Is it for them though? For women? Well, you're calling my mom a liar? What do you mean here, Cullen? What are you saying? I just mean like they're passing kidney stones out of pussies compared to us passing out of a pee hole. So the dick is worse I I'm saying. Yeah. Well, she said it's already,

her version is worse than Shawn's. She was like, it's worse than her. I'm like, is it? So for Shawn. Baby's head. Kidney stone. Especially Shawn's got that big old wiener. So he's gonna be, you know, he's gonna be in pain two or three times longer

than me or you. If you got the kidney stone that Michael Clark Duncan can ride on, it's already a wrap. He's going to have to squeeze it, roll it through, right? They're going to stick a rock tumbler in there to hollow it out, to smooth it out. What was that?

What were the fucking things they drove called? Armageddon. Armageddon? Liv Tyler? No, the fucking shuttles. Oh, the moon buggies? They're going to get some of those big tired moonbuggies and drive them right down Shawn's dick That's the shit you need you have to go in my fucking magic school bus though

Yeah, we gotta shrink you down and shit cuz he quit drinking. Do you drink enough you wear through anything? Yeah, you piss it out. You don't even notice you Guess I broke the seal there. Oh fucking bathrooms blood my girlfriend sometimes I'm pissed I'm drinking heavily and I'm pissing and she goes, is it raining? And I'm like, oh no, that's just tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, right? Yeah, yeah. It's like, is there a slot machine in there or something?

It's something that happens. You just gotta deal with it. Kidney stones? You think that Sean is like. I hope he gets, I hope he's one of those guys that gets him nonstop. It's a tiny one. It's not, the doctor said it's the biggest one.

They took a picture of him like at Fatburger and put it on the wall in Glendale Memorial Hospital. So this is the biggest one we've ever seen. Dude. Yeah. And they want to like fucking go in there with... Sometimes they want to leave that shit in for longer. To be funny?

No, to like bring their other doctor friends around like you want to. Oh yeah. This shit. Because the Hippocratic... Oh, if nobody ever asked what it is But it's it means we'll never do anything Doll doctors all doctors take the oath to never do anything or especially give you any Vicodin They all take that when they get out of med school, especially for your peeing especially for your dick. You're like dude

He said yeah, the doctor gave him some topical pain reliever He came in with a glove and he said, it's a suppository. And I said, Sean, I don't think that's... Did you go to the hospital? Are you sure? He's in West Hollywood. It's the West Hollywood Memorial. He's just like...

You want another beer? Open your dick and say ah. He's getting the procedure. I'm sorry, open your dick and say ah. You know what? He's getting the procedure. I'm sorry, open your dick and say it. You know what? So we went to see. So thoughts and prayers.

I've never said this earnestly, but thoughts and prayers for Sean. Imagine it was your dick going through what Sean's dick has gone. He could be, it could come in the middle of the night. You know, like the rise out of his cock, like the great pumpkin. It could come during the physical act of love. No. He could blow right through his- That'd be crazy.

His girlfriend's head could be blown completely off! Like a pellet gun. Yeah! Dick Cheney! What, this is serious business, okay? This is serious! Hold on, I never thought about- Sean has a kidney stone in his penis! That's like a musket though, right?

Dick Cheney? Oh yeah, jamming it in? Just shooting that ball out. He's like a musket though, right? Just shooting that ball out. Just shooting that ball out. They'd be like the Patriot. He'd just like, well, those melted down fucking balls in there. That's what it's like, dude. It's like one of those hot medals, fucking revolutionary war balls. He sent me a picture of a revolutionary musket kit that he has from his war and reenactment

days. And he's going gonna break it up himself. He's like, that fucking Jew doctor doesn't know what he's talking about. I was like, I don't know, Sean. They don't know what they're doing. That's fucking, that kike just wants to leave you in there. Oh, okay, okay. Carl, this is not, what are you talking about?

Now you have to say you're Jewish. You can't say that. I mean, on Rumble, you get paid for saying that, like Cash Cab, but you can't say that. I mean, on Rumble, you get paid for saying that, like, like cash can, but you can't not, you can't say that on this show. Oh, really? Yeah, really. That's a horrible slur.

Oh. I thought by the end of the screen- Just because, just because thousands of our young boys are dying in Iran for Israel doesn't mean you can say whatever you want. Did you see that? Which part? That we're gonna have- The Iran shit? The 4000 Marines?

Say here I got it. Oh you got a longer arm. Then we're gonna talk we're gonna talk about Iran. We're gonna talk about the lady boxer that everyone's calling a man. It is a man. Oh fuck off you two. You don't think that's a guy? No. It's got a vagina. No it doesn't. Yeah it does. XY chromosomes. Yeah, but that happens sometimes. No, it doesn't. Every once in a while it happens. It's a.0000001052%. Yeah.

Or, what are the odds of being as tall as you? It's not a fucking, but it has a uterus, Carl! It doesn't. Yes, it does! That bitch has a fucking vagina! Prove it. They got this bitch training in a boxing gym. Yeah with a groin guard on Well female boxers don't need that yeah, but they don't know

Fucking punched in the fucking mouth No Get out of here! Get punched in the abdomen! No, not at all. It's a woman! It's got a fucking horn. It's a woman! No.

If that's a woman. She's been beat nine times at boxing. You think a man's gonna get beat at boxing nine times? Yes. And what man? Maybe Elliot Page. You think it's a... So what if she can get pregnant?

Is this cause... And then we're doing... I know why the men can get pregnant. I know why the men can get pregnant is. What? You think it's a... So, what if she can get pregnant? Is this because... And then we're doing men can get pregnant? I know why the men can get pregnant is... What?

That's a... Rogan had a bit about that last night, right? Oh, did he? And that was so like... Is that why you said both sides had finally agreed or some shit? Well, I've been hearing all day that it's a man, even if she can get pregnant, just because of the XY chromosomes. I don't think that's right.

Well, plus the penis. I thought she doesn't have a fucking penis. Doesn't have a vagina. Refuses to. What are you seeing? You watch The Sopranos? No. You never saw them?

I've seen GIFs on Twitter about The Sopranos. It's GIFs. Wrong again. That's too wrong. GIFs on Twitter about the Sprinos. It's gifts. Uh, wrong, wrong again. That's two wrongs. If it's peanut butter, the guy that invented it said it's gift. Okay. He isn't fucking though. Senile. First of all, it's pedophile.

Yeah. Great show. Yeah. If somebody tells you it's like, thank you. Sopranos. Thank you. Thank you. Somebody tells you like the surprise. You gotta watch it. Do you very much. If somebody tells you,

like the Sopranos, you gotta watch it, dude. It's like the best fucking mafia show. It's like, it's not. It's a comedy about existentialism. Yeah, the Muppet Capers was a good- And there's some violence sprinkled in there. Yeah. You should check it out, dude.

It's a good show. I don't know, man. I just, I liked Mad Men and that's kind of it. I Can't get into the all the Italian shit and the gabagool and stuff. It's nice to feel like a cartoon I'm like what what if you watch it all you walnuts with this that if you watch it from the perspective of this is a comedy It's fantastic Dot did I get through the Sean stuff thoughts and prayers for Sean? He'll be back He'll be back next week,

but he was, you know, he was dealing with all of his, he was so upset from his medical problems. If he loses his dick? He could, he could blow it out like a Elmer Fudd, you know, when he gets his gun plugged and blows it out the front. That's a very real possibility. That's what I'm saying.

So like, he's gonna need some, some, some help, some support. Jacking it, jacking it off? Not like a hospice, but like a nurse. When he's ready to go, he needs somebody to shove something onto his prostate to blow it out the other side. The other one.

That's why you went to West Hollywood, doctor. Yeah. Because, okay. A medical strap on. They're professionals. Dr. Wang, you know, with a sex harness. Is that what that is? They have a sex harness, yeah.

Listen, at the end of the day, if you think dudes should punch chicks in the face at the Olympics, you're right. If you think they shouldn't, you're also right. I think that's where we're at with the Olympics, right? I think we should be challenging the whole Olympics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I said?

I think we should be saying like, Wait a minute, we can't punch bitches in the face at the Olympics? What's the gold medal for? I saw a trans person say, Wait, why are there different sex categories for like shooting? What are you, retarded? I'm like, uh, what are there different sex categories for like shooting? What are you retarded? Like, uh, what are you identifying as exactly? What do you mean why are there different categories for men and women in shooting?

Uh, because they're explaining to the women how you shoot the gun during the fucking event? What do you identify- when you're in the wild being a woman, right, and you come across something, do you know how to use it without someone shouting at you no then what are you identifying as exactly exactly my point let's change let's turn the whole games on their head I was yelling at you were you thinking about shopping on Instagram then what are you identifying as exactly you know what I mean? They're identifying as annoying. But not annoying enough! No, no, no, no, no, not annoying enough.

I've never had an argument with a trans person where I thought I was gonna have a stroke halfway through it, where I go, What the fuck are you even talking about? No. No, no, not in the same way. Not in a way that made me so incensed and apoplectic. I can't find the words You know why why because they're men Look at what Vito did a fan sent Vito this trophy. He broke it in half My favorite comedian he sent him this nice letter

Handwritten letter and Vito ripped it. I pieced it back together using my puzzle championship skills. I don't know! He gets so angry and threatened with, confronted with, genuine fan appreciation and like love, that he erupts in these fits of violence, like, because he's on The Sopranos. I don't know how to describe it, but look what he's done with this. I mean, this is clearly not smart Hulk activities. Smart Hulk? No, it's not.

I'm thinking about this bit. I struck with how often I listen to your comedy. When? Oh, cause he's like. Guy wrote him this letter, this nice letter. If he didn't even read it, he just tore it up. Because this is, he thinks is a troll letter a troll Probably yeah, but it's not it's like a really nice letter really sweet sincere letter. I mean there's words in here about

How I always Oh, yeah, I was just tore it up and destroyed it. He was ready to eat it before I stopped him to piece it back together. Can you believe what's going on in that guy's mind? Vito read that shit. He was like fucking asshole. Immediately, it's like this fucking asshole. I'll show you humiliate me on my show. Oh no, we know that guy had cancer.

Yes. As soon as I gave it to me, ripped it up. What an attention maniac. Oh, that was a good laugh. So wait a minute. This dyke, I mean, you can't say things like that. This is... A lady. That's a lady that's based off Vito's friend who killed herself.

That's a girl that he put in his comics. He didn't make her tits big enough. A lot of people are saying it. Super killer. Did he tell her about his comic, and that's why? No, she died. And then he did it posthumously, I guess, I don't know. Oh, is that why she killed him?

Like he was like, yeah, I got this idea. And she's like, hold on, I'll be right back. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Katie, Katie, where? Sarah, your name was Sarah. Sarah? Where'd you go?

If I could just pitch the intro to you Put that in loose side or something. I don't want him to destroy it again Well, just I'm gonna mount it in the table like Barney's beanery I'm gonna pour a layer of, you know, lacquer and then whatever that epoxy is. And just keep that shit in there. Keep it in there. So he has to stare at it.

I'm gonna put it right there. And he has to put his hand over it. All the pennies and stuff. Yeah, so it's always staring back at him. What is there, a penny in here? This is a fucking, dude, what the fuck? And I'm gonna write, I'm gonna put a candy bar rapper right above it so he's always looking down,

getting distracted. But he's just, he would over and over again be like, dude, not cool, fucking not cool, dude. You know what my girlfriend says to me, the last time we did the show, we get in the car to go somewhere after the show, I think we were going up to my parents' house. We get in the car and I said something

I thought was really funny and she goes, I'm gonna guess you've had four beers today. I said that's the meanest thing I've ever heard in my life. She goes, I'm gonna guess you've had four beers. I was like, what? I just sat for the rest of the ride in silence. Damn, dude. Was that?

It was right. It was accurate as fuck? Oh yeah, right on the money. I was like oh. It was the exact number too. Exact number, yeah. That's fantastic. Oh. When a burn is so good, you just have to sit in it.

She didn't even look at me for the reaction. She was backing up. She goes, I'm going to guess you've had four beers and looked back. Oh dude. Oh man, I wish I didn't see the way you looked behind the car when you started. So you was driving like fucking Knight Rider,

just fucking cool, like cool as shit, like fucking four beers, fag. Carl, Carl, what do you learn to talk, do your friends talk like this? Yeah, all you guys talk like this. Oh my, no, I don't use, I don't even know what that word is. Oh, we don't slur? I just know the sounds. No, you don't slur? I just know the sounds.

No, you can't slur on this channel. Why? I mean, I can't answer that without losing my, cause of banks, that's why. You know, there was a similar problem in a certain time. Yeah, yeah, we've always had a big problem with the banks. So I had a You got something. No, I was gonna say I got something. Uh, my friend key on the lawyer sent me a

class-action lawsuit that Is being filed against only fans and I scrolled randomly in it. Let me see. Let me see if I have it here to see the plaintiffs Yeah class action. So everybody that has an OnlyFans account, I was searching through it like for random words. And they're describing to the judge what some things that they do on OnlyFans is. The biggest complaint is that it's Indian men posing as women chatting with you.

And that they're suing because they do things like rate their penis. So they're upseting because they do things like rate their penis. So they're upset that the girls are offering rate my penis for like 20 bucks. And it's actually an Indian man pretending to be a woman that's rating their penis. That is a four.

I've seen a seven earlier today, but that is a four. Please, next penis. Oh, this penis is a nine point five. Was that the guy from Indiana Jones 2 that you're doing right this Jankara Stone's guy? Yeah, Temple of Doom. Oh. There's also like the other Indian who's like,

you know, the formal one they put on TV for the, you know. Yeah. Who wants to be a millionaire. Oh yeah. Welcome buddy, come back to the show buddy. Where's my TV for the, you know. Yeah. Who wants to be a millionaire? Oh yeah. Welcome buddy, come back to the show buddy. Where's my penis, right, my penis. That's a 6.5 buddy. You want that penis, you come and be a millionaire buddy.

We're live from Calcutta with your penis. We're also here, want to see if you have a penis that is very nice, very strong, very, very nice, very, very good. Accuses OnlyFans of Rico, among other things. Unruly has also been sued by its represented creators. At least some of whom, yeah, claim to be unaware of the fact that Unruly's chatters were impersonating her.

Let me see this. Unruly messaged subscribers of OnlyFans while pretending to be the creator and solicited pictures of subscribers' penises in exchange for payment without the creator's knowledge of consensus. This is a big, this is a big. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You can get some money. You go there and fill it out. Hold on a second. Yeah, okay. Did they just reveal they were using dick pics as currency? I guess, yeah. They were just like they were using dick pics as currency? I guess, yeah. They were just like, they traded dicks for fucking money? Finally we've arrived.

Dude, I don't know how to get in that black market trade. How did that even come about, dude? I don't know. Only the BBCs are, the black market. Yeah. That one. Hold on, you can trade dicks for money? Like... I mean, I think so.

Well, I think that's what this lawsuit is gonna be. The dick show needs to get paid in dicks, though. This is a lot, well, no. And trade the dicks for currency. It's foolproof. You're gonna be an early adopter? Should we just implement that? Listen, you're the guy that knows how to take

the web money into money. I think you should... Yeah, I think you should. I should start it. You should learn how to. It's not a bad idea. They're saying there's a, OnlyFans is like. People are more protective about their dicks

than their money, so yeah, maybe there's like a meta currency. Sean's not doing a show. Cause of his dick, you're right. He could lose it at any moment. What's more valuable? The whole world stands still arguing about whether or not this lady boxer has a penis or not.

Why? Because it's more valuable than the gold around her neck. Yeah. What's more important in our minds right now? This lady's penis or Israel getting blown up? And they go like, why they call it the dick show? And he goes, that's the currency. That's the currency.

Trying to subscribe. I Think we figured something out Did you see the Pentagon's pizza slash gay club index? Yeah, you saw that I just learned about that You're up on that. I learned about that too this week whenever whenever Shit is going down. Mm-hmm. Could they get pizzas at 3 a.m. Yeah, the Pentagon does yeah Yeah, the dominoes next to the fucking late night pizzas go through the roof and then they're working So they're no longer fucking around at the gay How much is it gonna be here, but why is it always butt fucking and pizza with these people Cuz that's Why is it always butt fucking and pizza with these people?

Cause that's everybody who's married to women. Why do they get Chinese food late night by the Pentagon? It's DC, isn't it? It's East Coast. Yeah, I don't know. Do gay people have a thing for pizza? I don't know. It's Pizza Gate. That was in DC.

Oh, yeah. Was Joe Rogan talking about Pizza Gate too in his thing? I don't know. I heard, I only heard one part where he said, did you just misgender me? And I said, no, no, I'm out. I can't hear that joke. Try that in a small town, Joe.

Did you watch it? I did, I missed the opening. I was like 10 minutes late to it. To Netflix? It was live. Oh, it was live? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you watch it again?

You can watch it again, but he did it live. Oh, it was live? Yeah. Can you watch it again? You can watch it again, but he did it live. Oh. There's a race war in England. Yeah, in England right now. Whose side are you on in that? White's. Okay. I mean, what the fuck?

I didn't know if you wanted like a troll version of my answer or like the sincere one. I don't know. I went from the heart. I think that's okay. Yeah, I don't care if it's not. You like who you're rooting for. I'm like whites. Like what? I don't think there's any kind of like rules in a race war. I think you could be for whoever, whoever you want. Well, if in my case, I think I would get recruited. For the whites, because you're so big?

For either side, because I'm kind of cool with a bunch of different sides, and I haven't decided. I'd be like a free agent. That's going to be kind of distracting if the Black Panthers, well, you're for, you could be in the Muslim side too? I could be whoever wants to court me. Oh, I don't know if they do courtship in Muslims. They got like recruiting visits, no?

They're like, check out the school, see if you want to go there and commit. They bring you some hoes. They got the hijab, they do? They bring you some hoes. Some Bacha Bazi boys, they bring you? All right, listen, I don't speak that, but it sounds fun. So you could go for any side,

so you want to declare early, you're saying. I'm just saying if it came, no. No. If it came to it, because I'd be an asset. Like my buddy who. You're huge. My buddy French did Fed time, right? And I asked, I was like, you know,

I always ask him about like the race shit and like, how is that? Do you have to be left alone? Like, I was like curious. I was like, do you have to gang up, you know, I always ask him about like the race shit and like, how is that? Do you have to be left alone? Like, I was like curious. I was like, do you have to gang up? You know? And he was like, nah, you can just do your time and stuff like that.

And then he goes. What accent is that? Sorry. I'm curious. Oh, he's, you already do his accent? Well, you did a little. He's a big black dude from New York. Oh, okay.

He's like Haitian, Jamaican type. But he's like, yo, what's up? You know what I'm talking about? He's like that. He was like, nah, you good. And I'm like, for real? I was like, first of all, I'm not going. I'm just curious.

And then he was like, you don't have to join up and shit. And then he paused and was like, but you will be an asset, my nigga. And I was like, what'd you say? You're getting recruited. He was like, yo, you will be an asset inside, that's all I'm gonna say. Yeah.

And I was like, I don't know, that's good, right? Because in my mind, I'd be like- It's always nice to be wanted, I think. Nice to be nominated. But you have to make that decision, right? Like if you're doing life, you're like, I'm about to be the king of this place. Right?

Me? No. No, but like for me, if I'm in that situation. I'm just working on how I can make liquor, secretly. If I'm going to prison, the rest of my life is dedicated to how can I make liquor in this prison or whatever else. But most of it.

You'll learn that in like a week. It's gotta be better though. Every day, you just gotta perfect it. It's toilet wine. They make it in the toilet. I need something better than that. I'm gonna need gin and whiskey. I'm not drinking out of a fucking toilet

for the rest of my life. The real question, Dick Masterson, is what side would you be on in a prison race? Dang. Would you gang up with the MS-13s and the Brownies? Or I shave my head and go, it's white power. I don't speak Spanish. So I don't want to have,

I don't want to have to do a Mexican voice for the rest of my life and fake, and come up with different reasons why I'm not speaking Spanish, right? I don't want to have to wake up every day like, oh, Vato, and like slip up. What's up, dog? What's up, carnal?

Yeah, que paso? Bloody blood out, dog. I wish I could see a tweety bird right now, right? Okay, boys, I'm going to the little boy's room. You figured life would just be easier to lean into the Aryan nation, right? Inside? Well, yeah, and and plus just from the internet, I know all their hot top hot points, right? You know, I was like, what's up guys? Yeah. I'm friends.

What's up fellas? I know Richard Spencer, Gavin McGinnis, you know, come on, we go way back. We got way back. Yeah. I hate him now too. Don't worry about him. Hey, I wasn't a fed. I'm in here per capita. Right guys. Am I right? Well, I think I hear a smoke detector going off. Oh, right.

I know the that is annoying though. As someone who has a lot of black friends, that happens a lot. Dude, I play not to be a faggot, but I put Carl, what are you doing in me here? You know, I play some PlayStation. Yeah, but I put... Carl, what are you doing in me here? I play some PlayStation. But I play with my teammates from college and shit like that. Yeah.

And we're like mid-30s fucking playing video games. Why would this be not to be a EFSLR? All their... I mean, then I sit around playing video games with fucking other grown dudes. I forgot. What are you talking about? Yeah, what are you talking about?

I was like, sorry. I don't want to be a- It's bigger than the movie industry. Every adult man plays video games. Fair enough. But so sitting around in a party chat, when they're all in there, they have different ones going off at different times

Because there's multiple them get symphony Chill out with the fucking crickets up there. I don't understand how they can Me either man, and they're like I like I don't hear a thing. I go. Are you out of your mind? This shit starts going off, they all start going off at two in the morning in my house always. And I'm like up, if I don't get that thing off the ceiling within three chirps, I will burn my fucking house down.

It's like, maybe it's a frequency that they're immune to or something. That they can't hear. I don't know. It's a frontal lobe thing. I'm not saying that. I'm saying like magical, like Harry Potter. We went to Long Beach, I already told the story

in the podcast, we went to the Dog Beach in Long Beach. The Dog Beach in Long, yeah. And you know, LBC, Snoop Dogg, we went to this snow cone place right in like the gentrified ghetto, like the Sesame Street version of the- Seventh Street. Yeah.

It's like Hawaiian shave ice over there? Yeah. I open the door and before I even step out of the car here I'm like you gotta be fucking kidding me, man What's up y'all wasn't afraid of your pitbull I would come knock on your door and go like honey or whomever is in here You want some snow cones? Let's go get a nine volt battery. That's the shape of that battery that you're looking for. They don't know

that that's in there. Do you know that they think that that means it's working? I've heard that. I don't want to believe it, but I've heard that. I was like, my buddy Will, I was like, Will bro, change that shit. He was like, bro, that's how you know it's on. But do you hear that on TV, man?

No. That's what I said. You don't hear it in movies. Wouldn't you hear it like everywhere else? If that was true. I think, what's that dude fucking Taylor, the white guy, fucking he's banned from everything. What's that guy's name? Taylor?

His last name's Taylor, right? I don't know. Banned from everything. Nick Fuentes? Nah. Richard Spencer? Old white guy. David Duke? Uh-uh.

Taylor. Taylor Swift? It's his last name. It's Taylor. I don't know. What did he do to get banned? Anyway, he makes fun of that shit, and he called it the ghetto nightingale.

And that's like how they go to sleep at night. Oh man. I feel really bad for the kids that are sitting through that. It's like an audio nightlight for them. Well, and, cause it's like, it doesn't even matter. It's such a stupid invention anyway. Like my house is on fire, I'm going to know my house is on fire. Why do I need this, why do I need the extra annoyance of a thing? Is that a lot does it happen because they were like they don't use AC in the house, so it's already hot

It's a fire in here. It's so hot it's fire. It's hot in here. They just take this blanket off and then go back to sleep I don't think that I don't think that's true Damn, it's hot in here. They just take the blanket off and then go back to sleep. I don't think that's true, Carl. That's... Anyway, there's a race war going on. Ask your folks out here. They live in a black folks' house and what the AC is set at.

Here's a... It's like 80. Oh, that's good though. I support that. What? Yeah. I don't want it to be... Even if it's cold outside,

I feel like that's costing me money. Hotter the better. So you're Jewish. Oh. Oh. I'm not Jewish, but they do everything right. So wait a minute, you don't use the AC? I try not to.

Just in here. See, I have these little cheap ass box units all over the house. That's cool in here. That I don't want to be cooling rooms unnecessarily that I'm not in, you know? I want it to follow me around like Pigpen cooling me down. I would.

White people don't like that though. You guys like just cooling the whole planet. Yeah. Yeah, if you could. Leave the doors open. I grew up in Florida, so I needed AC at all times. Here's the- This is one of the fat fuck in Florida. Like, if you don't have AC,

I'm not going wherever the fuck you're at. Yeah. Period. Yeah. I don't care what it is. Here's the comments about the race war. I think we're gonna see a lot more of this going into it this month.

Is it race though? It's religious. I don't. Cause they had Catholics and Protestants walking in the street together because mobs of Muslims are after them. I feel like- And they're Algerian, Palestinian, Syrian.

There's all of them together. It's like a religious thing. Are Korean Christians the same as like Nebraska Christians? Somehow I think no. I think they add their own little, I think race and religion are kind of like united somehow. If you're Israel. Well, I don't know.

Yeah, in an ethno state where you cleanse other people, yeah. I don't know. An ethno state where you cleanse other people, yeah. Yeah, if like, if a Somalian became Jewish, they would be like their own version of it. No, but England is probably the best example of that, right? Yeah. It's like they have Catholics and Protestants right in there.

And it's like, same with Ireland. White people. Catholic Protestant divide. And they're both white. And they're, you know. I think you can call it a race war. Now there's Africans there going like, I'm Irish. You're like, are you?

This was the thing that I read about the race war. Take away the curries and kebabs. Take away the tea and the coffee. Take away the doctors and the nurses. Take away the doctors and the nurses. I read this too. You read this one? Doctors and nurses wasn't at the top of the list, isn't that peculiar?

It's like the third hang down. Currys and kebabs. The Ubers and buses. Take away the night workers. Take away the clothes. Women. Take away the cleaners. Take it all away, it's all foreign.

These racists don't understand. They will be left with very little. Isn't that curious? Take it all away. That means- All of your clothes are going away. Listen, take everything they just said away from foreigners doing that job.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the entire country's better. First of all, I'm glad they put number one on the list. Curry and kebabs. I hate curry. I hate curry. I would just like, I would like to have one conversation about race and the pitfalls and problems

around a diverse and heterogeneous culture. I would like to have one conversation that covers and delves into the problems with mixing cultures and their incompatibilities that doesn't mention the fucking food in my life. It's more of a smell thing. I've never, not once, have I heard anything about any, oh, there's a different race. Oh yeah. And you're going to love the food. Like, okay.

Got it. Got it. On the opposite though. Yeah. Okay. They're like selling you on them because you're're gonna love the food like Okay, got it. I'm the opposite though. Yeah, okay They're like selling you on them because you're gonna love the food the food. Yeah. Yeah, I'm saying I'm so sick of hearing about saying fuck their food Send them back cuz you don't like it. No, it stinks right? You just said it back. You don't care No, I'm saying I do care You said it back. You don't care. No, I'm saying I do care. I'm saying tea and the coffee. And then she was going to, I guess you're going to start talking about way better places than wherever the fuck the fucking jeeps get it from fucking Pajit coffee.

Have you ever had that? Uh, probably. But you don't want, you don't have yet, but what do you do is you take, what we do is- They pour it in their hand and then give it to you? No, we take it and we pour it and they use their feet. Oh yeah. Use their hands and then they put it in there and then they squeeze it down and then there's something else they pack it with

and then they pour hot, I think it's water, on top and they go, here, do you want your coffee, buddy? Take away the curry. You don't want? It's everything except the doctors, right? That's the one. Yeah, but we don't want those doctors anyways. Yeah.

It's an odd list. The fucking country has people dumping publicly everywhere. Right? That's a big problem in Canada now, isn't it? In the mangroves. So when the beaches get too full of shit in the holes that they've dug up and the water comes up they go see these mangroves over here? Yeah. We're gonna shit at the basin of those. The mangroves? Yeah they're fucking terrible. Where's that

happen? Same country where they throw their trash in the river. Yeah because they're there now. Yeah I heard about that. No more tents on the beach because guys were shitting in Where they throw their trash in the river. Yeah, cause they're there now. Yeah, I heard about that. No more tents on the beach. Cause guys were shitting in them. This is no overs and buses. I'm sorry. Would there be way less people here?

Carl, we gotta get, if you're going to really regret it when we don't have buses to go around in. Who taking the fucking bus in this fucking. Take away the night workers. What? Night workers? First of all, why are they working at night?

What are they doing at night? Take away the clothes. They're standing around a fucking chick. And I'm just going away to going. You've summed up the whole point of the race war. They want all these jobs. These guys are pissed that they're not getting these jobs, right? Oh, what a while.

My jobs! Yeah. Here's, uh, shitty dads. Oh yeah, okay. Let's, I'll bring this one up and then I'll read some comments. It's already nine o'clock. Cool. Hold on, hold on.

What do you got? It's a fucking guy. What do you got? It's a fucking guy. What are you looking at? People were replying to my story. Okay. This is the shitty dad I've got for you. I am a woman. Yeah.

All right, dude. Whatever, bro. It just came out. She declared I am a woman. She's a woman. It's a woman. Yeah. And I'm an Asian midget. It's a dude with a fucking cock. You're bigger than me. What about the Asian? That's all you want. What about the Asian guy? Who's fucking? It's another woman. Why is it so hard to believe that women who are huge are in the Olympics?

They're not huge. They're only 135 pounds. They're not huge. They're bigger than their opponents. There's no sea fighters that are bigger. They're big. Yeah, cuz they're men. Men are bigger than that. Men are bigger than women. You're bigger than me. You look like more of- That's why there's weight classes, right? Well, yeah. But there's no heavyweight bitch that's gonna be a 265 and fight Brock Lesnar, right? Right, yeah. Even they weigh the same,

you'd be like, that's ridiculous. She's just, she's gonna get beat up. But why, other than that she looks like man-ish, why is it a man? That's what I'm saying. The penis. Who is not, who is not a man? Michelle Obama, I know that all these guys think,

keep saying that. Big Mike? Okay. Big Mike? Michelle Obama. What is that? What's what? What women want.

Oh, what women want, you want to see that? Oh, here we go, shitty dads. Oh yeah, dude. What women want. Oh, what women want. You want to see that? Oh, here we go. Shitty dads. Oh yeah, dude. I saw that. You saw that too? Hold on, let me show you what women want first. I don't think I showed this last show.

This is what American women want. This is an ad, a bus ad. They want strong leadership. Life. They want strong leadership. Life. They want no abortions. You know, women unanimously hate, hate abortions. Hate having the ability to get abortions. They want a girl sports for girls only

unless they look like too much of a man, right? This is a bus ad that says all this stuff. America first and stop anti-Semitism. You know, women are always, that's what they, you ask them top 10 things you want. And they're like are always, that's what they, you ask them, top 10 things you want, and they're like, well, I've just had it up to here with the anti-Semitism. This is an ad, this is a Republican ad, I think.

Do whatever you want. A million dollars. A billionaire whose cock ejaculates money and chocolate covered money, that's what they want. And fuck any guy without guilt. Yeah. And they'd be like. They don't have a name for that feeling.

Women don't have a name for guilt. They're like an Eskimo. They have 20 different words for. For all that we just described? It's called your fault is what they call guilt. Oh, I thought they have a word for all that, what they want, like a millionaire, a big dick, you know, no consequences.

No consequences. That's another one. It's called a cunt. Okay, here's shitty dad. Let me find this guy. This guy, this kind of pissed me off, dude. Me too. Like I don't have kids, but this is not how to do it.

I just, can you just imagine this guy just fucking throwing the ice cream against the wall of this guy? He says, uh, I guess he's at an in and out. He says, it's a, or is it, it's a thing with the, um, yeah, it's a real shame. Is that, uh that being a commercial real estate agent doesn't carry a increased risk of some type of cancer. If there was a God, the act of doing commercial real estate like being a crab fisherman or something would have like

a 99 to a hundred percent chance of giving you terminal cancer, life ending cancer, doing commercial real estate. I mean, it probably does. Like it would be like living in a, it should be like living in a microwave if there was a God. It probably is. Cause they're all, every single one. Well there is a God.

And. He's a commercial real estate broker, I guess. I mean, he owns a lot of land. This guy says, commercial real estate. I buy real estate and I start companies. Owner of some. Entrepreneur, cock bag. This kid saved up all week for an ice cream.

He posts a picture of his poor kid here. He says, I spent five bucks, dropped it after the fifth lick, which is a weird kind of pedophilic way to explain eating an ice cream. How many licks you give that? What the fuck bro? You're trying to get to the center of that tootsie pop there. So okay, you got some licks still saved up, huh? Only five. I was counting his licks before he tried. What the fuck? What is that?

Dropped it on the fifth. Do you think you felt like, ah, maybe there's a better way I can say this like dropped How about dropped it right away dropped it right when he started to enjoy it dropped on the fifth lick I gotta imagine your son. I love the drop-off from The dropping it right he just goes from dropped it on the fifth lick. I didn't buy him another one I didn't buy him another one. I didn't buy him another one. Life is hard. He took it well.

What are you? No, he didn't. What are you saying? What are you saying with this? And then it's a fucking orchestra of other guys, other men coming in, explaining how they are also abusive with their children because they themselves never got any as though them as though they're there as though their accomplishments are worth more because they're bigger cocksuckers to their sons fucking it's fucking

psychotic I actually surprisingly I've seen the opposite reaction from dudes yeah that they'd be like you're a fag. Like, first of all. You can't say this stuff. First of all, he didn't fucking, like, he didn't sit there and go like, hey dad, I'm gonna save up this money and get some fucking ice cream. And then it dropped, and you could have told him, he was like, hey man, it happens. It wasn't the second ice cream you just bought him,

and he did it again. You weren't throwing it around. He wasn't, yeah, he wasn't the second ice cream you just bought him and he did it again. You weren't throwing it away. He wasn't. Yeah. He wasn't fucking throwing it against the wall or doing some shit. He just dropped it. Look at his face. He worked the whole, he just even told him he was like, so what does he believe any of this story? First of all, but secondly, yeah. So if I, but I'm, if I'm to believe his story, right? Face value that all of this is true, then I have to believe that you made this kid, what do chores or whatever you made him do to even earn $5. He's a child. He didn't have a job.

I guess you're new in commercial real estate because the government has been bailing you guys out to the, to the tune of trillions of dollars for as long as I've been alive. So what lesson, you're not raising a commercial real estate broker, are you? Because that's all you guys just exist on handouts. He's gonna learn today. What did he learn? That my dad's a fucking cocksucker?

Is a cocksucker. Cheers. This is what we have, every time there's a bad nursing home where there's like a guy kicking the shit out of an old man or raping him or something, I think, it looks bad, but you never know what that old man did in his life to his kids. You know?

Is it elder abuse? Yeah, maybe these, maybe there's a couple bad nursing homes that we keep around just because hell doesn't exist and we need, that's the best we can do. You know, for this kid, like yeah, commercial real estate, my dad's a commercial, he's the best we can do. You know, for this kid, like yeah, commercial real estate, my dad's a commercial real estate, he's up in Arkham Retirement Home.

Super villain retirement home where they, they give you dementia increasing medicine. Yeah, he's just up there fucking. They tell you every day that your kids are coming to visit, your kids called, they're coming to visit today. You know, I was up at Arkham, it's a great place, and they're doing great things with those people there. Some of them are old cocksuckers, and they're beating the shit out of them. Batman comes up there every week and he comes and kicks them in the face, and he does great

things. I think he's doing wonderful things, and we got him doing. There's not many blacks. They're in the regular prisons. They're in the, they don't live long to be old. Yeah, they're dead by 65. They don't live long to be old. How come they don't talk about that? How come black people don't talk about, like, why are we paying in social security? We don't get, we don't, that's like actually racist, right? We don't live long enough to get it. So why are we, why don't we get to retire early? I can tell you, they don't have jobs,

so they're not paying into anything. It is a weird thing to think about. Is it? Like, they're like, yo, everybody I know in my immediate family, from my cousins to the family reunion and shit, is dying. Why am I paying into this shit? Why am I paying?

And they even have songs that's like, YOLO, you only live once, like I'm not paying for nothing. Yeah. Like, just give everybody that money back. I didn't think about it like that. So then I guess the reason I got so upset about this, I saw JD Vance saying that parents should have more of a say in voting.

Parents of who? Of children. Anyone who has a child should get an extra vote because they've got a child and that means they have, because they have children. They're saying people that don't have kids shouldn't vote. He was saying that people who don't have kids should pay more taxes and that people who do have kids should get more of a say

in the way the the country's going because they have like kids they have like some sort of they have some sort of like Skin in the game vis-a-vis their children and it's it's so totally insane because people with kids can't decide as a group whether it's permissible or Abuse abusive to beat their kids right like you guys you can't even decide over 100,000 years you haven't been able to decide whether it's okay or not to beat a little version of yourself for minor infractions Over stuff that you fuck up like let's see your portfolio then dad I saw that you beat your kid for dropping an ice cream load up your fucking Schwab account And let me see where your funds

Are allocated because if they're not all in index funds, I will kick the show ever loving shit out of you. Wait a minute We're saying it's not Not that kid I don't know what he did yet, but see, in theory you're pro beating kids, but you got to remember the average dad is taking that going, you know what? I can just hit them whenever. All right. Here's the thing. Women still get hit, right? And they supposedly have rights. They can call the police. Kids can't even call the fucking police. I was going to ask you if you can eliminate all kids getting hit

I thought he was a eliminate all women but women have to take more hits like the guy in umbrella Academy that absorbs the never seen it. It's okay. Yeah, it's okay And then when when it's gay Yeah, when Ellen Page changes sexes in the show in the show in the show It's really weird. And they mention it. What's up, I'm a guy now. I'm thinking about boxing.

How come Wesley Snipes and Patrick Swayze and John, they can like play as women, but how come Elliot Page gets to swap genders in the show, too, that doesn't make any sense. No. He should be able to play the woman, right? Well, because they're trying to say and take control of that too.

Like they gave Eddie Redmayne, that dude. Yeah. He played the Danish girl, won an award. Oh, he did? For that movie, The Danish Girl. I didn't know that. Okay, won an Oscar. Yeah.

And shit, or nominated, whatever the fuck. And then after that They're like only trans people should play trans people. I go. What are we talking about here? Yeah, this fag should definitely get the play Carl, what are you doing? You're gonna get you're gonna get all this Rumble no, it's it's patreon. It's all kinds of people pay for this Yes, you can't say that kind of stuff. Don't they pay to hear that stuff? I have credit cards.

No, they don't pay, they don't want to hear it. Oh really? They have it in their Uber driving around. Oh no. No, they don't want that. Oh wow. Here is, So I'm violating.

You're violating the social contract. Oh, I didn't know that. I thought this was a Dick Masterson show. No, no, no. So... You can say as much as you want about fat chicks. Is this a man or a woman? That's a chick.

Yeah, that's a lady. That's a chick. That's where we're at now. But that's a chick. Yeah, this is a woman. So does the other one. Nope. The other one has a dick and wears a dick guard

to fucking box in with a cup in it. You ever seen a pussy in a cup? No, a little jockstrap for the pussy? You've never seen that. No, I haven't seen that. You've never seen that. I played football for like 12 years, dude. I never seen a pussy in a jockstrap.

Cause they have penises on football teams. Cause they're men. What if that lady gets pregnant? Or what if that man gets pregnant then? Is that okay? It wouldn't happen. Well, what do you men. What if that lady gets pregnant? Or what if that man gets pregnant then? Is that okay? It wouldn't happen. Well, what do you mean?

What if she does? A junior? Is that... So we're on the men can get pregnant thing. Yeah, we're all back on the same page now. They can't. This is goof shit. Well, it's a woman, unless we have like a sophisticated science lab to run

chromosomal anomaly analysis, right? Because you see the vagina, and she gets pregnant, right? She talks like a woman. But if we scan her blood, it's a man? Is that? Yeah. You think that looks like a woman? Yeah.

I mean, an ugly woman. No, I don't know, man. If you're if you're knocking out mannish women, you're not going to have women's sports. Why? Because there's a there's a couple in every group. Every WNBA team has that big mumpet at the back. You know, you can't tell me Britney Griner is not a guy.

Uh, pull up Britney Griner right now. Pull up Britney Griner right now. Pull up Britney Griner, shirt off, shooting baskets by the pool. Just pull up that shit. Britney Griner? Well, women can look like that though. No. Pull up Britney Griner by the pool shooting baskets.

Okay, by the pool shooting baskets. Okay. This not a guy? Oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops. Shirt is off too. Well, women like to have their, especially if they have no tits. Oh, okay. They'll take their shirt off.

Oh yeah, cause she had a double mastectomy, right? She just has no tits. Never had them, cause she's a man. I got bigger tits than her and I'm a man. She has no tits, but is a man. I gotta see her park. I mean, this proves nothing. Shooting baskets.

Wait till it talks. Then she had a baby this week with her wife, right? The wife having the wife had a baby. The wife had a baby. Okay. Does it look like her new mind? She called me pops. You got to hear this broad talk. You didn't hear her. She was like, I've seen women that say, call me doctor. It doesn't prove anything. They can pretend to be whatever they want. Listen, they get off on it. Listen.

That's a woman. Did you see how effeminately she shot that basket? Obviously, you don't watch black guys play basketball. No. They do that. You know, I ain't going to figure it out. Strike it down for the cow a woman's tits being. Not a woman.

OK. That was his, her voice. How many men being women, aren't they usually like very braggadocious about it? The men that are pretending to be women? Dude, Russia didn't know what to do with that bitch. About what? And she was getting like threats and stuff

because they were like, this is a man. Well, cause she beat a Russian boxer. No, no, no. When Britney Greiner was in prison in Russia. Oh, Britney Greiner? Oh really? Yeah. Did they take any pictures of her penis?

No, dude, remember it was all top secret. Dude, our government was fighting to get this bitch. I was like, why? What does our government do with this bitch? Top secret. Don't they didn't even, they traded her for an hour. Yeah, but that's good. So top secret, not revealed that this fucking WNBA fucking Ivan Drago fucking guy. Yeah, was a man that guy should have been out though already dude. This is a freedom fighter up is down down is up type shit and they want they want us to watch

women get the shit beat out of them. So we go. I think this is cool. Dude, it's just a woman. It's just a woman that it looks kind of manly. It's not, but you know how I feel about this. You've been to a movie theater with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We saw long legs when two weeks ago that when I'm still saying the lala somebody get a woman got hit. Yeah. What happened? You're laughing, but it was a belly. I can hear it from we weren't sitting together. You were sitting way on the side of the theater and yeah, the woman got hit and I could hear

yeah, but it was like just like a one on a time. It's just a it's a punctuated. Yeah, yeah, and I think they're tapping into that with this. You know, so we were sitting separate in that theater long legs. I still say the line that you said right when we walked out of the theater, I forget how this came up, but there was an Asian woman who was trying to get around you, you know?

What did you say? Something about, oh, that's wrong leg. The movie, Long Legs, right? You're going to see a wrong leg. Yeah. So we were sitting next to this black couple, because my girlfriend and I were in the very back away from you guys. And we were sitting next to this black couple and the guy they were like really trying to

be reserved, the woman more than the more than the man. And he started really cracking, cracking up at up at the moment that's supposed to be very suspenseful and terrifying because Nicolas Cage is dressed as this weird freak with a, you know, and he's in prison. And he starts laughing. She was terrifying, dude. He starts, the guy starts laughing and doing this thing

and she goes, shh, and he goes, he goes, I'm not gonna say the word because I don't want to get a clip, he goes, this nip hilarious. It's like shit. He's like, I'm sorry, but this nip hilarious and I'm like, I know, he is hilarious. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Okay. Because I think that was the scene that we've, I think I even laughed at that shit. When he was being all weird? No, because I laughed when the girl, like the young girl in the store and I call for her dad because it's exactly like a teenage girl with yeah that weird I was here. He was like and she's like dad fucking creep dudes here again. It's like that's exactly what the dude's like,

snitch real loud, draw attention to it. And that guy didn't know how to act. I had the same thought as that guy. He's like, yo, this nigga hilarious. That's what he said. Yeah. Ray Ray says, hey Dick, can you, can you talk about Joe Rogan's terrible standup?

I didn't listen to it, so I don't. Do you have any comments on his standup? Yeah, it was live. He held people's attention for an hour. It was better than Cat Williams or Chris Rock's live Netflix. Oh, Chris Rock's was not good. I'll give you some, just some one-liners that I know that was funny, right?

It was funny. It was funny. In instances where like, he was talking about, no, actually I'm cool. He was talking about where Alex Jones, and he was like the Alex Jones is right jar. And he was like, he was really wrong about that one thing.

And then just goes right back into going like, but he was right about so much shit. But that one thing, he was really wrong. And then it's a good like crafted bit. It was funny. It was like, I was like, what more do you want from this guy? He does the UFC commentary.

He does all this shit. Like, what do you want him to do when he's up there? Like, what are you expecting from Joe Rogan's our Netflix? I don't want him to do a stand-up special. That's what I want. I want him to just not do that. But he's a con, I mean that's his video. Hey, here's a joke.

How about this one? Tell me if this is good. Okay. I wrote this on The Biggest Problem. It goes like this. T-Rex walks into the sex change doctor. And he goes, hey, I want to get, I'm a lady T-Rex. I wanna get, you know, sex change.

So I could be like a male T-Rex, right? Comes in there and the guy goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. We can do that. And she goes, okay, how do I get the, let me see what I can get in the penis department. And he goes, well, we actually take the, we make a penis out of your forearms. And T-Rex goes,

right? What do you think about that? That's the joke. And that's why you want to like sit there, right? Yeah. Like that. And you think Joe Rogan shouldn't do comedy no more? No, I don't want him, no. I only want him to do his podcast.

I don't want him to do a whole special and everyone's like, But why? I don't know, it's too much like cross-media stuff. But why? It's like when an actor becomes a musician. I don't want that. Just be an actor. I don't want that. Just be an actor I don't I don't I don't want to I don't want the contamination of your

audience to Turn it to subsidize this other sort of career. I want it to be just what I know you as It's very hipster, yeah, sorry, it's very hipster. Yeah. Sorry. It's very hipster. Sorry. I don't think you're going to make that determination of a guy. A comedian for 20 years. Like, Hey dude, you know that thing that you do on the internet that's fucking gay, but it's blown up and made you hundreds of millions of dollars. Do that only do that. Yes. The thing you love doing and what you open, don't even do that shit no more. no more millions to do it. I don't like it because I don't want your audience crossing with this and we're taking ourselves too serious.

Is that what you're talking about? Cause then I got, I got to turn on Netflix and it's like, it's two hours until the big Joe Rogan's like, they have marketing Yeah, but they have the marketing because the podcast is so successful. They would never do that for like they did it for Chris Rock They did it for cat Williams and that was okay. It was tolerable for the roast of Tom Brady Like those I don't like those roasts of Tom Brady. They're gonna do it for Sebastian. Who's that? Sebastian Maniscalco? Who's that? Really? Is that a comedian? Yeah. Yeah. It's one of the biggest comedians in the world. Is he a comedian?

It's about Madison Square Garden. What's that? I do know what that is. Madison Square Garden? I don't know who that is. You don't know who Sebastian is? I only know like speed runners, like Mitch Flowerpower, Darbian.

I know them. I don't speak fucking autistic internet. Yeah. So like I know real people with names. No, no, I don't like, if you have a real neck, get out of here, man. Fucking blue fag. I said blue.

Whatever their fucking name is. Hey, speaking of. What do you got? Did you honor those super killer pin? Did speaking of super killer, did can I get it yet? No Vito did not release it. So let me, I just, cause I'm here, right? Yeah.

And just, there's some stuff laying around. Yeah. There's super killer pins, which this one's like the watchman. It's really cool. There's blood on it. Yes. Yeah. Cool pin. There's a doll, like a plush. It's really cool. There's blood on it. Yes. Cool pin.

There's a doll, like a plush. It's also a sex doll. You can use it as a sex doll. Really? There's a hole. No, you have to make a hole. But there's this, I'm looking at some drawings and, but there's not a...

No comic. Like a comic. It's toys. So he, George Lucas, Star Wars. Sort of. Like where he was like, it's the joke that Mel Brooks made in Spaceballs. Kind of except...

He goes, don't you have the story? He was like, no, it's all about merchandising. Yeah. That's where it's at. Yeah. Merchandising. Kind of like George Lucas. George Lucas was the first person to ever do that. Well, Vito hasn't done it.

He's only made the toys. So they asked him. He hasn't made the comic yet. Yeah, so they asked him about like Star Wars and like he wasn't going to get money off like the back end and that stuff. But he was like, hey, what about like the rights to like the toys and action figures and shit. But he was like, Hey, same like, what about like the rights

to like toys and action figures and shit? And they were like, okay. And he was like, yeah. Yeah. And that's. That's what Vito's doing. But that's what I'm saying. Except his toys are like yo-yos and a lunchbox.

Like a little children's lunchbox. He's giving out Chuck E cheese toys, dude. That you can win with tickets. Super killer. Chuck E cheese toys. That's what we're doing. Vito fuck bro. I just want to read the comic. I wanted to see how much like Deadpool three. It was like, but I have nothing to compare it to. You're laughing hard. You're laughing hard. You don't want to say it's been so funny. It's been so funny because I just had to bring it up because I'm here. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We had talked about, he's like, Oh yeah, yeah, this is going. And he's like, I mean with these, we look

at what the fuck's going on with the hairline on this? No wonder she killed herself. Look at this. That's why, dude. Blue. Oh no. You gotta staple that down or something. Oh no, that's bad news. I just wanna say that anime is gay. Oh yeah. Okay. And that like when I see stuff in the style of anime, you hate it. I beg why

right? You could have made it any style. Everybody raves about the boondocks, right? I do like the boondocks. It's a funny show, right? Ever seen a black yeah, yeah, that was great. Great show. Like as far as the content, but it's The black show, yeah, that was great. Great show, like as far as the content. But it's drawn in anime style. Yeah. Right? There's not a single black animation you could think of.

What does black animation look like? They always talk about representation. The best thing for black people to do would be draw themselves. What about the new Spider-Man? That was the black animation? Act to the, ask them. Back to the Spider-Man? That was the black animation? Act to the... ask them. No, ask them. Show that guy.

It was like spray painting stuff. And he's like, there's like 15 different styles we put all into one. I was like, oh, so you didn't create any one of them. Yeah. There's no actual black style of drawing or comics. I'm like, you're missing an entire marketplace, black people, instead of bitching. Instead of bitching about like, we need,

I was like, just make it. What about Gumby, was he black? No, Eddie Murphy Gumby was black. Oh, okay, now that's why I got that confused. I'm Gumby, dammit. So you're saying they should innovate around making black style. Yeah, but if they drew it, they'd be like, oh. they'd be like music right black. There's tons of black music black music. There's no black animation

And they're the black animation. There's a lot of other shit. I never thought about it like that How maybe they could draw so that's what Vito has white painting. That's what Vito has a white painting with black comic book people Is that he ripped off? It just the anime no, we just don't know what his animation looks like have you seen the Have you seen the the African cinema scene? Sorry seen like Industry yeah, yeah, yeah African cinema industry where there's special effects. They're actually not bad.

But animation, you gotta have their own style. They don't have one. Like just being unique in an original, like to me, right, the best animated like comic book, TV show or cartoon like, shit like that to me is Batman the Animated Series. That was when those fucking blimps came in. Do you know why that was so cool though?

And why it looked so awesome is like, it was drawn on black paper. Oh, it was? The whole show is animated on black paper. That was them being original and creative and thinking of their own anime. Harley Quinn comes from that show. Yeah.

It's not a character that existed before that, right? That's creative and original with stuff that already existed. Why can't they do that? Why is it always an anime version of this? They're like black people drawn into Dragon Ball Z and shit. Like, cool, make your own. Okay. There is none like that,

but there's this push in Hollywood to like representation I was like you guys are missing out an animation There's gotta be black guys doing like a black style of animation where it's gotta be. What is it? I don't know exactly You're right. This is a new thing. You know has the same thing in common with them We don't know what it's like. I sound like 3d remembered rendered comics I have another idea that I thought of. Maybe this is where you can come in. Okay.

I like it. There's no copyrights for jokes. Yeah. There's also no... All right, I'm gonna say slurs, and these are in the context. No, no, no, you can't say slurs. But they're in the context of jokes,

or the jokes that already? Not not Crazy see when you when you call it out in advance it makes it even worse really yeah You said the people's driving uber and shit they can get yeah everyone gets in trouble So you can get you not know this that it's like it's a disclaimer though. They can prepare they could turn the show off though That's what that means. Or not. Fast forward it. Okay. What's your, no, don't N words.

Oh damn. All right. But like there's specific jokes that I know I've listened to. Okay. Or, and go, what album is that on? What comedy album is that? Where did I hear that joke? Whose bit is that?

Right? Right. There needs to be a stand-up comedy database. And then once there's a stand-up comedy database, like IMDB, that everybody's credits and all that shit is there. You log your joke. The jokes that are in there, they have to be performed on stage to be counted as a joke. That's not something that you wrote

and never fucking performed. You'd be like, hey, that's my joke, you stole it. None of that shit. Something that's recorded and out and there, right? Just to be documented. And then what, you get royalties? Could, eventually. You know what I've always thought would be cool? Just doing like a cover band, right?

You know cover bands? You just play like an Eagles, you know, Greatest Hits or whatever, Queen, Greatest Hits. A cover comic where you just do, I'm doing Stephen Wright's entire act. I'm going to do it as- They do those, it's kind of hacks. But this is, I think it would be good and better than-

You think so? That's what I used to do in middle school. Just the whole thing. I would go back to school the next day. Doing Adam Sandler's entire, They're All Going to gonna laugh at you album Just like just for real, right? What an album that is why I do that type shit is why I do comedy to be real for yeah

Like those old like fatty McGee sketches and shit like that But she's doing I got in the voices and shit I was a kid. We got it, because there's not, what else is there to joke about? Now it's gone from like observations to like just repeating memes from the internet. Well, that's why this shit is terrible. And when I see stuff like, I go, these are meme jokes. These are Twitter jokes.

Yeah. This is like fucking, are you insane? Like, you know, shout out to Josh. Like that's why like when like people are clamoring for like authentic comedy right now. So all the, I mean, that's why even like Sam Hyde is on tour. Don't shit.

And people are like, whoa, this motherfucker is actually taking it serious and doing stuff. You know, like people are seeking that shit out because they're bored of all the other shit. Memes and shit are great, but I think we're bored. See, I'm saying not authentic, just total ripoff. I get that. You know, like classical piano.

You don't go, hey everybody, I'm just kind of doing my own thing today. You're like, no, I'm performing fucking Rachmaninoff. I'm performing Wagner, you know, whatever. And people are like, oh yeah, awesome, I know this. Sorry. Like that. Hey everybody, I'll be performing killing him softly Today by and I will be saying a couple of the n words

damn it climate Ivan says rage of the week hey dick you ever put a full container of milk that you just bought and no matter how you pour It it's gonna glug and make a giant mess everywhere. No, I haven't done that. Thousands of years of agriculture, we couldn't figure this one out. Has that ever happened to you? Guy can't pour milk? Glugging milk everywhere?

I guess if you have like a big container of milk, but I don't really know. Nobody ever taught that kid how to pour? How do you pour milk? The same way you pour everything. You don't just- Drunk? You don't just fucking dunk it.

Like dude, I don't know what it is. I can't fucking, it starts glugging everywhere. Dave says that Jordan Peterson Academy, I would love to hear your take on Jordan. Are you ever going to do a special like Josh did? That was fun. His Goliath special was really cool. Yeah, I want mine to come out next year.

Do you do impressions stuff? Like, I mean like, I don't know, like videos with it too? Your impressions are really fucking good. So I used to- I do think you're the only tolerable Trump impressionist. First of all, thank you. Second of all, yes. I used to do videos on Vine.

Oh yeah. So like, I don't think people remember that influencers came from Vine. Yeah. The first ever influencers were on Vine. That's where like Logan Paul and everybody like Wey Wey Ponds and all these people like came from. Yeah.

And they like took Twitter hostage by like going in the board and like, fucking pay us all this. We drive all the traffic or we're leaving. And Vine shut down like in a week after they left. Anyway, they used to make video. I have like 80,000 followers online.

All I did was I made impression videos and shit. And then these motherfuckers started getting money for the ads and stuff. Cause that's the first time companies would pay people for ads. There was seven second videos that a kid could make this and like it would cost me millions of dollars if I'm Target or Trident or one of these commercials.

I gotta pay a crew, I gotta pay a director, I gotta pay the ad agency, all this stuff happened. Or I can pay this kid 40 grand one time and he'll reach millions of kids, all that shit. It changed the game. So they were annoying though. As annoying as they are now, when it first happened. Did you have like a discord with kids and porn

like Mr. Beast had? No, I used to have, I would just make fun of them. So like all my videos were like selfie impression videos and shit, but I would like, eventually I just made fun of the influencers and shit too. It wasn't an influence at the time, we didn't know what to call it. But I would be like, what's up guys,

follow me on Face Snap and Backface and like all this other shit and like just make fun of whatever the fuck it was. And then I never translated the followers over because I felt like, at the time I was like, that's fucking gay to be like make sure you guys follow me on this shit subscribe make sure like all that shit I was so gay yeah in a fucking dungeon

they said with a used sex doll and I don't mean that one I mean this one Dave for fucking likes in a fucking dungeon. With a used sex doll and I don't mean that one. I mean this one. Dave says, Jordan Peterson Academy, I would love to hear your take on Jordan Peterson's new gay ass online college on the next Dick Show. He just went on Rogue into Marketed. He has of course called the art of storytelling and the boy crisis. Presumably painting young men as lonely

and marginalized blaming cultural Marxists. Young men are lonely. Yeah. They're killing themselves in droves. For their inability to get pussy. And it's quite heartbreaking. It really breaks my heart, you know, Joe, when I see these young males just crying out like that,

you know? Young males just crying out like that. Young males, he does say that. Yeah, yeah he does. It's really disheartening. Black people say females and then Jordan Peterson says. Hey, let me get them females. Hey, I said females on there. Well, you know, the female of. But they don't say males ever.

No. Black dudes never say males. Why do they say females? Fucking retarded. Here it is, here's the Jordan Peterson thing. Let me bring it up on this Britney Griner. Limited pre-enrollment is now available. Petersonacademy.com, 18 beautiful courses.

Three new courses, monthly optional AI testing. Well, optional AI testing? What the fuck is that? And the integrated social media platform. Wait a minute. Onward and upward, ladies and gentlemen, let's take education back. That sounds weird.

We created Peterson Academy to stop the fraud. To stop the fraud, to stop the ideological possession, to stop the indentured servitude. Servitude of the graduates. You know, college is like, you buy a network, a friend network to get jobs and opportunities from and make sure people can pass basic tests. Yeah, I didn't do college.

I didn't do it right, I don't think. I think I did college right. I don't think you're going to meet a good friend network. I don't think this is going to be as an exclusive friend network, an online dot com class marketed to incels at Jordan Peterson's academy. Is this for kids? There's nothing in this ad that says this about college.

You're going to learn like electricity skills or something. Hey, HVAC repair. There's nothing in this that says this is for adults. It's for little kids. It's like Montessori, but Jordan Peterson, a sorry, this is beautiful courses. Not three new courses, monthly on fucking what dude, six months of school,

this fucking Benzo addict is going to sell you. It's just selling school. It's just school. It's just school for six months and then three courses a month. Seriously, they have abstracted college so deeply and perversely that it's just school. Hey, sign up for my school. What is it? Fucking school.

Man, these colleges are robbing you blind. These colleges are a scam, so sign up for my college. Do you have like humanities or? No, colleges are a scam. So sign up for my college. Do you have like, uh, humanities or no ours is a better, it's a cheaper scam than these colleges. What if I want to learn like engineering or something? Well, I mean, why do you need to, why would you need to know you need to be a plumber? You know, if you're white, a man in America, you should be a plumber. You can make two, you can make $200,000 a year as a plumber. You don't need to be an engineer. It's so fucking crazy that their pitch to the young men of America is to get married at 19

and become a fucking plumber. Like nobody has ever thought of that before. That's their aspiration or goal, ap-aspirational goal, the highest. Listen, there's limited pre-enrollment now. We're going to set you up with a Wix website and we're going to teach you how to use Google My Business so you can get your name out there.

And what you do is, dude, so he bad mouthed. Three courses a month, so you should sign up next year. Not right now, there's only 18 beautiful courses. What course on what six months of school, right? Yeah, three courses a month, 18 courses, right? And and oh fuck and look at the fucking courses, symbolism and Christianity, postmodern philosophy. That's what that's what these guys need.

The most modern philosophy, the psychology of social status. Postmodern philosophy. That's what these guys need. Postmodern philosophy. The psychology of social status. If you're listening to this video, you are a giant loser. You're the very bottom of the social status hierarchy. What are the other courses? That guy looks like Harry Potter. The history of western music. And it's Marcus Aurelius.

It's just a music history class. It's just a music Marcus Aurelius music Just music history class 101 is that guy we went to the Khan Academy and rewrote there Is that a beard and clouds? What is that above that about? music It's the Daily Something with James or I don't know I can't read that one Evolutionary inference With fucking with a magician and his wife and his mom. Steen. Oh, is that who that is?

Yeah. Weinstein intro to cosmology. So they, they tell you like about, it's like a, a narrated, uh, CGI thing that says that black holes are really big and bad. Oh, I thought that was where they go to hair school. Isn't that what that is? Yeah. are really big and bad. Oh, I thought that was where they go to hair school. Isn't that what that is? Yeah, they teach you about it. I knew I mentioned I went to cosmology school.

It's actually, that's more useful than this, to get licensed as a cosmologist, an esthetician. Isn't that what that's called? Yeah. Oh, it's cosmetology. Cosmetology. Oh. Cosmology. Now they don't have any actual real knowledge at Jordan Peterson School.

Intro to neuroscience, okay. The art of story. The art of storytelling right here. Who is this? The greatest leaders in history. The art of storytelling. JD Vance should take this class. That title doesn't even make sense.

The boy crisis, bro. There's a little tiny boy? This is... Intro to Nietzsche? This is not a good pairing. Wait, can you see that on the... Look at this. They've got an intro to Nietzsche.

A, um... I mean, arguably, but certainly malevolent, uh... Gaslighting, psychological. Why are you throwing a lot of big words at me? Cause I don't know what they mean. I'm taking my disrespect. An abusive asshole, right?

Right here. I'll intro to that. Contrasted with the boy crisis. And it looks like, this looks like a boy that Jordan Peterson is about to rape. Or just has raped. Intro to the boy crisis, followed by the boy crisis lunch hour.

With Will Ferrell. That's what it says. How much did Israel pay for this? I hope not much. Oh, okay. If one of the classes is about like resettlements. Dementors, malevolent anonymous dementors.

He should be a Hogwarts professor, that'd be fucking hilarious. Yeah, what do you say, McGonnell? They're, Professor Snape. Oh, I beg to disagree, Professor Snape. Right, he comes in as like the even more annoying one. I think it's funny that you can do both a Miss Piggy and a Kermit, because the Kermit just came out. Thanks.

And it's just like, I think you. Oh, Piggy, going back for seconds, huh? Well, Kermie. Wow, dude, that was actually great. Look at that, man. The talented dick. You... That's all, I can just do them though.

You were... Were you like a muppet fucking like... I love muppets. You gotta be, dude. Yeah, love them. You nailed Piggy. Can't stop thinking about him. Have you been doing Piggy more because of the...

Because of Nerd Rock's wife Because the biggest problem and you like in general no not really since you did that fucking mouth thing though I was a great job for that one so hard at that shit. Let me see if I do I have any big mouth mouths here Carl If you're been on cross, have you ever been on my show You know my where am I there? Yeah, have you ever been on Carl's show? Hey, have you ever been on my show? Where am I there? Have you ever been on my show? Carl!

What show is that? Who are these podcasts where we find out who are these podcasts? You know that one? Chuck Dicks am I at? Alright, alright, I'm getting too silly. Those are all great though. I love doing those voices. Sean Bradley says everyone loves a dick to the groin.

Let's see that. Then maybe we'll do some fat watching, get out of here. You've been very generous with your time. Let's see here. Do, do, do. Uh. Do, do, do. Do, do. Uh... Do... Do-do.

Then hopefully Sean will... Hopefully Sean's penis will be okay. Next week. Uh... Groin. There we go. Everyone loves a dick to the groin. Whoops! Okay, this is... Oh, this is a guy in the gray... This is a guy taking on some armed guards or something?

Is this part of the race war? I don't know. Kinda. He gets hit. He's a guy that got hit He's a guy that gets he gets hit with a brick in the head and then he gets hit with a brick and then he basically I who do that? Yeah It's with multiple bricks. Oh, oh. Stomach and back of the head. And then he turns around.

The one that hit him in the chest, made him lean forward. Yeah. The one in the back of the head missed him. Oh, it did? Cause that thing would have knocked him the fuck out. Oh my god! That's a... The one in the...

Would have killed him, dude. And he's thinking this is the way... He like hit him and was like, oh! Why is his own... And it just missed. miss so so the cops Did you see the Venezuela elections? Yeah, isn't that crazy that they got their guns taken away from them and now the and now they're electronic voting machines If somehow started to mouth

Why don't they get the voting machines that we have stupid isn't that it's so so dumb I mean how much could the voting machines they have shitty bogus voting machines that you could just obviously change whenever you that we have. Stupid. Isn't that crazy? It's so dumb. I mean, how much could the voting machines, they have shitty bogus voting machines that you could just obviously change whenever you want. We have totally different good voting machines, right? Also, our CIA puts in like real hours here. Oh, okay. And they were only doing like half hours.

They do last minute stuff down there. Like, ah, fuck, we didn't. Because there's a lot of Israel, Iran stuff going on and they've been working a lot with the side lately so yeah we're trying to assassinate Trump we don't have time to rig you couldn't rig your own fucking election man we gave you the fucking voting machine we're gonna kill Biden you got a hundred percent you have a hundred percent electronic voting machines and you made it look that bad are you fucking serious you're supposed to ease in. And he goes,

Madero's like, I thought I would win. He's like, you gotta fucking cheat anyway, dude. You know what they did? He was like, I don't think. You didn't fucking, you don't have your own pollsters? You relied on the regular polling? You didn't think people would notice that? You fucking idiot.

And did you see they tried to like board up the windows so you couldn can look inside Those got those goddamn commies. How could they they should board them up with freedom like we did, you know How the fuck can anyone defend the voting the e-voting machines? It's so fucking stupid. Are you gonna vote in person? I'm gonna write in Ron Paul because they fucking tried to lynch. In person? Yeah. Oh, the written house thing?

The written house thing. The written house thing. So fucking. Did you see him apologize though? Oh, I couldn't. He went back to Trump. Come on, man. Don't, don't.

That was a chance. Don't give in. But that was a chance for someone to stand. Leave them on. Say, hey, you know what guys? That was a chance. I had a productive conversation. Maybe I'll vote for Trump.

Give me more. Give me more. Give me more. I own you now. I'm dick walking you for the next. You know? It was a chance for like, first of all, any second amendment people that were like turn on was like, MAGA supported him when he was, I was like,

actually Americans did. Cause there was some people who was like, I don't even like Trump, but what happened this white kid is fucked up. Yeah. Send 50 bucks. You know that type shit. Yeah that and I wish His wife I supported you like It's not Amazon in the garage bitch like what the fuck To a pedophile tried to kill me and another one did not blue his fucking arm off

And I killed the other guy would be an asshole if you didn't support him, but you weren't doing anyone any favors You were there every day going these fucking pedophiles are getting executed by this white guy Two of them he killed one and the other one he blew his arm off went to jail Oh really? I thought he killed two people so he's up one vote no matter what that's what I'm saying vote for fucking Mars and still be and he's like listen they said these are gonna you know not take the guns away so I'm back on team Trump and just like is that all it took because Like you guys Trump reminded him he's like remember it kind of helped you with your case there Remember when LeBron James was talking about you? I handled LeBron James.

You're not pro-Grums. Gun enough are you though, Trump? Not pro-Gun. You didn't pardon Julian Assange. Do you remember when Trump said, take the guns first and then we'll do- Take the guns first and then we'll do courts? Yeah.

Everybody forgets that shit, dude. And that was the only thing I remember. I can't believe Rittenhouse said that. I'm writing in Ron Paul like, this is amazing. Everybody forgets that shit dude. And that was the only thing I remember. I can't believe Rittenhouse said that. I'm writing in Ron Paul like, this is amazing. This is one of the greatest things I've ever seen. And then meltdown from a bunch of 50 year old men, fat 50 year old men who are-

Why the fuck would they be mad about fucking Ron Paul shit anyways? There are more people, can you imagine? Because they think they have a chance at winning this. And that like, they're're gonna gaslight each other. They're gonna be like, yeah, we're actually gonna win. If only all the, if only we're enough assholes so that all the E-celebs endorse Trump, then we're definitely gonna win.

And they'll secretly vote for fucking nobody, so it'll like tank it anyways. Okay, here's the groin. Oh, he did get hit. Oh. That's gotta suck, dude. So he's getting hit by Muslims too? Fat watch, today in fat news. Can Muslims throw?

No. I don't think they can throw, right? They don't have a catch, do they? No. Yeah, I don't think so. I'm not worried about that. There's no Muslim baseball teams. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If we were having a race where with Puerto Ricans or Dominicans or something, I'd be worried about. Yeah. Throwing is a where with Puerto Ricans or Dominicans or something, I'd be worried about. Yeah. Throwing is a definitive evolutionary filter. It's gotta be humid. There's something about the dry desert that makes them unathletic. Well, it sucks. Something about the humidity it makes them.

They got no rocks. They just have sand. They can't, they never learned to throw. A lot of what in the sand, We'll learn for this, okay? To throw sand. We don't have fat women there. No, they have the fattest. They do?

They do, in Saudi Arabia, I think. Now. Now. We will get them fat. Okay. You are on Fat Watch. We're on Fat Watch. This is...

Thanks for all your fat. Oh yeah, Lady misses her flight. This is... Thanks for all the other fat, fat. Oh yeah, Lady Misses Her Flight. Lady Covers Up Harry Potter Tattoos. Okay. This is from Terry. Let's see here. Harry Potter tats? Oh, she deleted it.

This happens a lot. Fat women get wild. Self-conscious and then once people find out that there are big old lot. Fat women get wild. Self-conscious. And then once people find out that they're big old hippos out in the wild. They stop. Like who's this fucking hefty whore? Why did I post that picture? 300 pound, who is this from?

This is from Matt. I thought it said Indian woman. And I was like, what? I gotta see this. 340 pound Indiana woman arrested after sitting on her 10 year old foster son who died two days later. She sat son who died two days later. Wow. She sat on him for two days?

I guess. Or he died because of it two days later? They don't say. He was stuck there for two days? She was hibernating on top of him. A 340 pound Indiana woman was charged with reckless homicide this week after she allegedly suffocated her 10 year old foster son.

Oh man. Just like Christopher sitting on the dog as a Sopranos episode. When she sat on him for several minutes. Okay, so she was on him for several minutes. Foster kid though, she didn't love him. Look, they got a fat watch, they got that Olympics opening ceremony

inside an article about a fat woman killing a kid. Isn't that crazy? I mean. Multiple fat women articles. Disgusting. Why'd they put a picture of the kid? That's horrible. Jennifer Lee Wilson, 48, tons,

allegedly killed youngster Dakota Levi-Stevens in April after he attempted to escape to a neighbor's house. Oh shit, she sat on him maliciously. Escape, foster kid, told you she was a psycho. Wilson is accused of sitting on the boy outside her home and what she said was a bid to stop him from acting. I don't think she, I think she said actin up the doc state. She's from Indiana.

So he's being a kid and she thought, she thought that her sick obesity and addiction was funny. Be like an alcoholic. She's actually malnourished too, that's what's crazy. She has anorexia. The doc state. The obese parent tried calling his case workers as the little boy

who only weighed 90 pounds screamed, but he eventually stopped moving oh could she not get off of him the doorbell camera stuck up his ass he got like two days later it's fucking he's just like feet are coming out like a fucking Wizard of Oz house she curled up like a spider when he died. The little boy trapped in her asshole. Are you a good witch? What about which fat which doorbell cameras showed footage of Wilson laying on top of

the boy even when he stopped moving. According to the affidavit, wow, she said she sat on him. She laid on him, laid on him, go to sleep. And they just like rolled on him. She thought it was funny. I'll, I'll show you. That fuck. I'll show you what Kamala would do. At one point she asked if he was faking, but she saw his eyelids were pale. Oh wow. The court documents state. When the cops arrived, Dakota was no longer breathing and didn't have a pulse. Wilson appeared visibly distraught and fat.

She told another child she was watching. Who let her watch another child? Says, Wilson reportedly told another child she was watching to call 9-1-1. Some other kid was there. Like finger did go call 9-1-1. His eyes is pale. What we got to have like a same.

Yeah, it's in Indiana. We got to have a PSA. You know how they say like don't drive drunk. Like, yeah, we got it. Don't sit fat. Don't sit. Hey fat women, don't sit on any of, we got it. Don't sit fat. Don't sit. Hey fat women don't sit on any of your kids because you're it's not funny and

You look you look disgusting You couldn't get a corpse's dick hard That's the PSA on the freeway. Don't click at a ticket right click at a ticket Don't drive buzzed buzz driving is drunk driving if you're over Clicker ticket, right? Clicker ticket, don't drive buzzed. Buzzed driving is drunk driving. If you're over 150 pounds, hey ladies, if you're over 150 pounds, don't sit on anyone. Don't sit on any kids, it's not funny.

Have you ever had a blank fella on this show participating in Fat Watch? I don't think so, why? Well, one, I would be curious to know about their reactions when they see things and they're like, hold on, hold on, hold on. She might look good. I know, I can't do that.

That's where you start to lean into a race war, right? Yeah. It's where you're like, how the fuck can you even? You're messing it up for us, man. I could deal with the race mixing. You don't have to say it. But the fat. It's like water and oil they have to say they have to say it on Twitter too oh yeah I love me a thick bitch you know I like the thick bitch

and they get that shit like that you know I'm saying they get that more cushion for the pushing dick yeah all you have to do is not react to the fat woman that I'm I like that though cuz fat bitch she gonna cook for me she got like she's not she can't get out of the she can't get a better prison she got murdering a child money too she got money no she'll take care and she get food his death was ruled a homicide as a result of mechanical asphyxia according to the corners. Okay.

That's a fancy word for mechanical bull, right? It's a good start. We gotta round the rest of them up. Yeah, that's the first one. Wow. What do you think? That's a terrible way to start. Just killing kids.

How much worse do these fat fucks get? Well, sometimes there's pictures of them. So Sean says long time Aussie dickhead here. Thought you'd get a giggle out of this one. The noise this behemoth makes in particular linked on Instagram below. Okay. Thanks for the years of entertainment. You're welcome. Uh, see what we got here. here looks like she's oh I've seen this is amazing saw this one it's a woman it's a big fat woman I don't know what she's doing it's outside the door looks like it's snowing snowing outside. That's like icy. It's icy. Icy, snowy sort of doorstep. Okay, here we go.

Let's see. Oh! Ah! Ah! Oh! That's the full split. That railing is loose, like a loose tooth. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. She's been leaning on it for months. Years. Whoever. Who does the construction in Chicago? The Polish? They have Mexicans up there? Yeah. That guy should be teaching classes.

MIT. How'd you make this railing? Oh, well, you see. Chalk absorber. I do this. I put a U in the end. And then I put a lime in the cement. Adobly.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! She knows, she knows what's happening. Watch the foot on the snow. Watch the foot on the snow.

She knows what's happening before she falls. She feels that it's gone, right? Like she grabs it. She grabs it. Ah! Hold on, watch the foot though. Her foot hits the snow. Her left foot is on the snow, right where the mouse is. gone right? Like she grabs it and goes AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Ahhhh! Isn't that crazy? Maybe I've got one more. Clayton says, Good news, apparently the author has found that cargo bicycles are

capable of hauling her fat ass around. Sadly, other more performance oriented bikes aren't up to the task, okay? What's this about? Pumping both tires? Cycling is a weight problem. Oh, yeah. They're called cars. It's called a fucking bus. Cycling. The industry needs to be more transparent about its weight limits because these bitches are bending bikes. These fat bitches are popping fucking tires.

They're horse riding as this problem as well. The fat phobia. Yeah. Where horses are breaking in half. Um, is it, are they? Yes. Yeah. Pony trekking.

Cause Josh and I had an episode about that. He and I should go horseback riding. No, maybe a camel. We looked up the big giant horses that we'd have to get. Clydesdales. The bigger ones than that, dude. What's bigger than that, an elephant?

No, we looked it up. They're called something, I forget. Superville. Cycling.com. Cycling has a weight problem. A call for the industry to be more transparent about its weight limits. That's disgusting. Hey, look at the picture dude.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Before you even scroll down, how big do you think those tires are? You think they're the skinny ones or do you think they're the big fat? I think they're from the seventies. Is that what you're asking? Well, the handlebars are curved. So I would think it would be like a... I bet they're big like white wall

Tires are from my grease lightning like a muscle car Michelin SG TV Denigal That my cousin? Hold on, what I'm mixing you? Michelin. Well, and they were both a positive match that means they were two samples were identical Cycling products weight limits are typically hidden deep within the owners. Oh, yeah. Okay. Let's see what these Boom, I've never seen rims that big on a bike Where is she? What is this helmet gonna do? If she falls on her head her neck's gonna break in half.

Bro you gotta zoom in dude. Look at the size of that bitch's knee calf fucking, is it a knee thigh calf? It's a cabbage patch doll. Bro it is the biggest. This is the only woman that's turned bicycling into a contact sport. What is that, her weight? Sir Waithe right there. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Look at these. I mean, look at these tats. Tough utter. I sweat. This is a, not a sweat

band. It's a gravy band. Wipes it in her mouth to get a boost. Look at the mountain bike. mountain knife and Mike. It's a huge bitch. Did they get permission for that? Why would someone give permission for this fucking picture? Dude, I don't know, but look at her like ready to pump the brakes. She's looking at this like she's looking at like a fantasy and the side. It's looking at like a sandwich and the side looking at like a sandwich Stock and keep going you can eat me. I'm right over there so if I think he's like in

society we have the Cliche phrase of dangling the carrot. Yeah for incentive. Yeah, right It doesn't even work with that people like who dangles like who would want to get like a lot of work He's fabulous would be like, can you please dangle something else? Like I don't care. It's closer. Something is off in the distance.

That's better than a carrot. Oh my God. The barbed wire. This is actually to keep her in. It's welcome to Jurassic. Oh my god, the barbed wire, this is actually to keep her in. Welcome to Jurassic Park. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and cruises up the mountain. Let me see this tire pressure. Oh, it's a, duh, that's how. You see the back? There's a motor on it. Nice.

Oh my God. Look at this. It's a 12 speed. Is this a lock-in shoe in this size? Size 14? Pedaling shoe locked in? That bitch got legs. Like, okay.

So this is what they went with for their. I don't, hold on though. I don't understand. So the article though, it says that the industry needs transparency about their bikes weight limits. And that's what they're complaining about. They're like, I bought this bike and this said this way limit was this by winning

Transparency, but I'm sick of riding my bike and it's because I'm too fat. I gotta be honest with you I'm a heavy guy and big as fuck. Yeah, I look at weight limits of things If you're a woman doing it built for men. You know what I'm saying? I look at the weight limits. Man look at the weight limits. Cause we're building it for you. We're building everything for you. Maybe she want to sit on it with me.

Yeah. There's a weight limit on this bed, on this chair, on this couch. This bitch is like how much on On this phone. I live alone. How much for just me? Cycling as a weight problem. No, I'm not talking about the pressures on the pro-peloton to be as light as possible

to improve their power to weight ratio. Oh, fuck off. A woman wrote this. Now I can get behind this. I'm not even talking about the rampant diet culture that assumes people ride bikes predominantly for weight loss. The weight problem I'm referring to

is the cycling equipment itself. Specifically the low weight limits. Well, we haven't invented anything stronger than titanium. I'm telling these bitches, you've seen Shallow Hell, right? Yeah. You know when Lee first is with it. Like the first incident that happens with her

and they're eating, drinking milkshakes and shit and her fucking chair just like all four legs just go out and Jack just goes, Hey man, what the hell are these chairs made out of? And the guy who works here goes, I don't know, steel. He's like, we'll get them welded better in the corners or something. That's this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The weight? He's like, well, get them welded better in the corners or something. That's this shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The weight. They're like, hey, what are these bikes made out of? And they're like, fucking titanium. Titanium alloy. And they're like, well, we'll fucking. Well, what do they make the space shuttle out of? Use that.

That is what it is. And I go, hey, guess what, fatty? There's a weight limit in that, too. You can't be a certain way and be an astronaut I can't even have a grown man strapped to me to fucking skydive you think you fucking bending bikes out here Fucking bitch wants to ride. Can you imagine this bitch trying to drive ET around a fucking poor alien? We've been squashed in the fucking First fucking day. They just been like sorry and fucking laid on it like a

kid from Indiana the way probably specifically the low weight limits and the lack of accessible information on the weight capacity of products okay like the handlebars of the seat as a well-known larger body cyclist. Nobody knows you. Well, no, nobody. Everybody only knows one cyclist. That's it. That's it. And the way, you know, he cheated. It was like, name another. They know one famous, uh, uh, blood doper who happens to be a cyclist as a well-known large bodied cyclist who runs a size inclusive nonprofit, all bodies on bikes. Oh fuck. who runs a size-inclusive nonprofit, All Bodies on Bikes.

Oh, fuck. Aw. What an insufferable cunt. Ah. I'm done reading this. You can now find an All Bodies on Bikes chapters near you. It's like a cult. Whoa!

How are you motherfuckers doing bicycles and being this fat? How? Fucking how, man? Because I'll tell you what I learned Yeah. Even training for the NFL and shit, it's 90% diet. How much are they eating to be that fat on bicycles?

Well, whatever they're eating, 90% of it is the problem. Hahaha. It's 90% the problem. I receive emails weekly from heavier individuals searching for a bicycle that will fit their bodies and their style of riding as they are planning to do, which is never. In my efforts.

Why would they have a style that isn't just right? I'm looking for, I'm fat as fuck and I'm looking for a bicycle that only works fits my style of riding. 10% of the times that I say I'm riding. So I can blame, I'm looking for a bike that only works my style 10% of the times that I say I'm riding so I can blame. I'm looking for a bike that breaks down all the time and that I don't actually have to fix. What the fuck is their style of writing? They're fat. Coasting. They'd be like, dude, my friend

likes to stand on the fucking bars and he can't do it because your fucking bikes are fucking weak. You know, how the fuck we supposed to do this? Stuck in circus shit anymore. Fix your bikes. How am I supposed to stand on the pegs on the back? If your bike's not out there. In my efforts to help folks, I've come through countless manufacturers websites. Weight limits are almost never listed.

You say the L in folks. Folks? Yeah. It's to be condescending. Weight limits are almost never listed under the geometry or technical specifications where you would expect them to be. Instead, I would not expect a weight limit to be on. Instead, I usually have to dig through the owner's manual to find the way. Is it possible that they just don't test their bikes for the weight limit?

No, no, no, no, no, dude. The next fucking paragraph is going to blow your mind and it's how dumb women are. Okay. Okay. And even if a weight limit is provided, interpreting the true weight limit can be a challenge in itself as they will often include a calculation such as rider weight plus cargo weight equals weight capacity. So they did the math for you and you're telling it is like they need to be more transparent. Now you need to be less fat. You know, it's because that cargo weight means lunch. So they have to do their independent calculation of how much a six number one's way.

Does this mean somebody who exceeds the rider's weight, but doesn't plan on carrying cargo is safe on this bike? Do you not know how, why take the chance fatty? So you could sue them because you were fat. You're fat. The bike, the bikes actually like, do they actually measure how many, how much weight it takes to destroy the bicycle? Or is it just like most of the bike weight limits I've seen from major manufacturers like Cannondale specialized in Trek top out at 300 pounds. How fat are you? I'm 300 pounds. I'm not bike riding. This limitation excuse it. Extent, a substantial portion of the cycling community. No, it doesn't. Well, one or two people is substantial portion of that community. I'm sorry.

If it was such a substantial part of the community, why did you have to start a nonprofit to find them? All bodies come find me. We're a substantial part of this community. We got 5,000 guys here. You're two fat ladies. Yeah, look at the size of us. Pretty substantial, huh?

I'm a substantial part of every community The limitation yeah, yeah when But we're not just talking race style bikes where a lighter build is prioritized hybrids entry-level commuter bikes Bikes are okay motorcycles. They're basically like I'm sorry, I don't want all that gas noise stuff. Top out at the 300 pound level. Holy shit. Well, because, honey, if we built an E-bike for you six, you Infinifats, and you 600 pounders,

a normal person would get on that E-bike and shoot into fucking outer space. The engine would have to be so fucking big. This is like a basic, this is like a basic gear ratio kinetic energy problem. I want an e-bike e-bike should be built in. That's what they call themselves over six eggs. That's amazing. If we put the moon on an e-bike and had it work, if a normal person got on it, they would be going 500 miles an hour.

They'd probably have less gravitational pull. Yeah! Interestingly, I've found a bright spot in the direct-to-consumer e-bike market. Many manufacturers, including Rad Power Bikes, Pedigo, and Avonton, not only list the weight limit on the bike specification page, but also have higher weight limits on the regular bikes Commonly in the 400 pound range. Oh my goodness My understanding is that these bikes are marketed to commuters Intended to be car replacements. So they anticipate heavier loads be it kids groceries or just a heavier rider Be it kids, groceries, or just a heavier rider. So they took trekking bikes that are anticipating you riding on it with your kids and say that

that's good, that's the one I want. You got any bikes that can hold like a man and a kid? This is great for your child to go out there and it's like, oh, it's a two seater. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, perfect. This is, can I just get on it? And you're saying this is gonna be just like the plane. This is the two seats just for me. And I'm going to take this to the plane with 74% of adults in the United States

classified as being bigger bodied individual by the CDC. Okay. In case you were, in case you were questioning, this is not a niche problem. Yeah. In case, in case you needed an agency to tell you that a three quarters of women were big fat fucks. So don't worry. The CDC backs this up in case you were thinking we were skinny and that we needed to eat more. The CDC will back me up. We're all fatter than fuck because she used the number two. She's like 74% of us are fat yet many bikes Equipment are still manufactured with the only the 26% in mind. Oh, I'm sorry. They're trying to market to a healthy

consumer base these salads are fat phobic They should be full of syrup and cookies and muffin tops Alienating most of the America with this salad. Don't you know you're fucking fan base? Most bicycles are targeting 26% of the population. Bicycles, running shoes. It's actually 1% of that because nobody likes bikes. Napkins.

All of these are targeting a mere 26% of the United States. So this is for me, right? She's saying, I have a good friend who weighs 350 pounds. He's a former college football player and rugby player who found cycling has fallen in love with bum shoulders and blah, blah, blah. Stop using his athletic endeavors.

Yeah. College football, professional rugby and contact sports with his shot shoulders and he's not surprised. And he's just like, yeah, I just need a bike for my size. And like, well, we have a big problem for me too. And you believe it's not a bad, but for us And he's like, yeah, for us. And she was like, a good friend of mine. He's probably a guy who talked to her once. On the Minnesota Vikings. This is my friend.

His name is Doug. In less than one year, he has had to warranty two wheel sets that keep failing in the same way. I can sense his frustration as he selected his bike specifically for the higher listed weight capacity. All right, I mean, it goes on like this. The proposed solution. But the fact that she could put herself

on the same page as a fucking athlete, to be like, see? See why we need him. He's like a token athlete for them. Like, dude, you, see why we need him. He's like a token athlete for them. Like, dude, you're not on the same level. If this guy came to them and was like, listen, my knees are shot, my shoulders are bad,

I've fallen in love with cycling, except I like your bikes. It's just, I'm 350. And it's hard for me to lose the weight. And the bike company would be like, dude, we got you. Yeah, we can have another bike. Put this on Instagram. Instead, this fat fuck started a nonprofit to be like, we're the same as this big guy, aren't we?

Isn't it a trial? Our knees also hurt. I know. From the moment we wake up. The biggest problem is like, this guy's bitching about his shoulder surgery and like his fucking knee shot. All right. And then she goes, yeah, is it transparency? The biggest problem.

It's really the transparency of these companies. That's probably the biggest problem. This guy's like, oh my fucking do you take two seats in a plane to no because my ass is a normal size. It's just like my whole body, my shoulders. Oh, she want that ass though. Everything else. She want that ass though. Let me get that ass though. I'm a fat cyclist and how I made peace with climbing.

Oh my God, this is like a- Made peace with climbing. She gave up on climbing. Gave up on climbing. I made peace with it. Lip service isn't good enough. Here's what needs to change for cycling events to actually be inclusive.

They don't need to change. Get skinnier. I've had my share of disastrous group rides here. Here's how to lead a successful. Oh my God. Okay, Carl, thank you for coming in. Can you imagine a fat group of. Fat group ride. Like those two fat guys on a motorcycles. Yeah, but you for coming in. Can you imagine a fat group of- Fat group ride?

Like those two fat guys on a motorcycle? Yeah, but instead it's just a bunch of- We should host that. Like to be fun, like host a fat- Pretend it's inclusive, but call them fat the whole time? Yeah. Wear fat suits? Like just as a joke.

I don't even need a suit. I can just do it. I'm like- Wear the suit anyway. We're all the same. We're all the same They're all the same and everyone rides tricycles those little like kid ones or wheels I just we just show up with bikes that have training wheels on them And they're like, what are you guys doing? Yeah

This is so we don't you know, you guys are like us, right? Why do you want to ride a bicycle? You're fat. Why are you just give it up? Are you even riding the bicycle or are you just what you took the annoyingness? How about the even over the top obnoxiousness where she's like, by the way, none of this is to lose weight. What are you doing? You're doing bike riding wrong. Even skinny people like ride bikes to lose weight. It's a good way to exercise. Yeah, oh yeah, I need to exercise. It's a fun way to exercise. Oh, by the way, I'm not losing any weight doing this. That's the same as like the

whores that wear that. It's like, I don't wear this for men. It's just like, okay. It's like, by the way, I'm not doing any of this to lose weight. In fact, why are you wasting everybody's time here? Why are you trying to get a biking event changed? Why not? Why?

Dude, they argue, they try and fight the times to get changed from these biking events. They're like, the times are ridiculous and they're not inclusive. And like, yeah, it's timed. It's not inclusive, it's time. Maybe they're gonna take it over.

They can't take anything over. Fetch, Fetch. Fetch is gonna take it over. You're gonna have to get illegal bikes for skinny people. Oh yeah. They can't take anything over except fucking frozen food items. You have to get illegal like bikes for skinny people. Oh yeah. You know what would change? That's what I want.

The skinny tires. Don't show anybody these skinny tires. What if they started getting hit instead of... By what? A tank? Well instead of like kids, you know? Yeah. By a car?

You're going to break your car. I don't know dude. I just mean... No fat woman has ever gotten hit break your car. I don't know dude. I just know fat woman is ever gonna is ever gotten hit on a by a car Because the Sun blocks out everyone stops not walking anywhere Yeah, and so that's why it's hard for them if you saw them on bikes cars are nowhere to be found I would drift into oncoming traffic. What the fuck is that? Everybody be getting out fucking Like a dinosaur I feel like

My god son of a bitch you did grabbing my wife look look No, this is Alan. This is your son of a bitch you did it Let's go get a glove on. Let's dig into her shit. See what she had for- Wow. Pull a ruffles wrap around her. All right.

This was fun. Thank you for coming in. Appreciate you. I had a blast. I hope Sean's dick is okay. If it's not. You gonna fill in for him? For dick related needs?

I mean. Okay. You can have like Johnny Carson used to have, like a guest come in. Yeah, yeah. All the time. Yeah, we're gonna have to. He might be laid out for a long time.

If that dick ruptures, what if he gets like some kind of a blowout? Ew, dude. Where he's plugging the tip and the kidney stones, what if he doesn't want to fuck up the head of his cock? So he plugs it and it shoots out the side, have a blowout. Right up the side wall.

Is he Catholic, Christian? I think so. Jewish? Not Jewish, no, he's Italian. Probably circumcised? Yeah, probably, yeah. I imagine it's gotta be worse if you're not. I don't know.

Worse if you're not circumcised? Yeah, imagine pissing it out and then it's stuck in that bottom of the balloon. Stuck in the bottom of the thing. That tied balloon end. Yeah, women, they can't let us be happy. They'd all be, it would be so much worse for them if we all had our foreskins.

If we had them? Yeah, if we all had foreskins to fuck around with. And play with. And play with, and do jokes with, and pranks. Like blow them up and draw little like Lego men faces on them. They would hate that. Like, blow them up.

That's why they chop them up. Yeah. They do, they faces on them. They would hate that. That's why they chop them up. Yeah. They do, they just hate them. Do you think that was a woman that did that and not God's word to Abraham? Yeah, I think it was Abraham's wife probably. It was like, I think I heard God say about cutting off the penis. God said,

cut our son's dick skin off. He was like, what's he want with the dick skin? I don't know, but he's got a bunch of them up there. Yeah, probably the whole thing was his wife. You gotta kill that, your son. I do? skin off. He's like, what's he want with the Dick skin? I don't know, but he's got a bunch of them up there. Yeah. Probably the whole thing was his wife. You got to kill that. Your son. I do. No way. Take his Dick skin off and prove that you love me. Yeah. I believe that more than, you know, a guy came up with it.

It's a covenant. So with women, probably. Yeah. All right. Goodbye everyone. Thanks for listening. Patreon.com slash the Dick show Dick. See you next Tuesday. We wait 20 seconds for the theme song to kick in. Is that really?

Oh my God. Oh My god Marley Blonsky is her name Blonsky like animal house name Why are you that big get the fuck fuck out of- look at this thing! It's a hammy pack. That's on her side belly. Wow, look at them thighs. You ever lost a pound?

Not one pound? Wow! That's photoshopped. That's Photoshopped. She's not even moving. Look at this, they got the curvature of light around her. They captured it on film, isn't that crazy? It's like a black hole. The light comes around here and then it bends

into the lens, that's wild. Look at her stomach. You ever seen somebody's stomach sit on their thigh? Even when you're pedaling, you're bouncing it back and forth like you're cock. Imagine your stomach sit on their thigh. Even when you're pedaling, you're bouncing it back and forth like you're cock. Gradually your stomach's sitting on your thigh. What the fuck, man? It's just like, okay, here we go.

This little flag should be all white. I surrender. Just constantly looking down like at any minute. It's gonna break any fucking minute, man. Here we go. Bop-a-b bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, who sent this? This is what do you think's in that fucking water bottle? Maybele Sarah squirting, man squirting Mrs. Buttersworth and this guy back here is like, oh boy, I gotta get, this guy's waiting.

He's like, I gotta get in front of her or further back. No way, dude. Look how fat them tires are, dude. Wow. Stinner? Does the, I would think they would want to Greek this out, Stinner. They should sue. Well, they're not gonna, it's not like she's riding a thinner bike.

She's riding a fucking, that's a... Stinner? Did you say dinner? They should sue well, they're not gonna put something she's riding a thinner bike. She's right in the fucking That's uh dinner. Did you say dinner? Stinner Stinner Oh, I bought it It's the Neapolitan ice cream colors. It's got vanilla strawberry and chocolate Did you say steak? Oh yeah, you look for me. My body. I'm the Neapolitan ice cream bicycle. There must be some kind of mistake. You'll know it when you see it. Did you say steak? Oh man. These are these varicose veins or a tattoo? I don't know. Tattoo. I have varicose veins. She has very closed eyes. Her front gears are... she's got as many front gears in the back as she does in the front. That's crazy.

They gotta be on both sides of the gears. Where is the seat in this? I feel like John Madden. And the seat's going up here. It's about this big. She's got a jet ski seat under her. And this guy, he takes the ball and he comes over here. And then there's another guy who goes, and then when she's sitting on the bike and then her stomach is sitting on her thighs right there,

and then this guy comes over and boom! And she's probably gonna fall down. Oh, man. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha like, is that a screw coming off a little wheel there? And probably she doesn't even know it. And she's probably thinking about, hey, maybe later I can make a turducken. All right. Thank you. Goodbye everyone.