The Dick Show - Episode 427

Episode Date: September 16, 2024

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Can you imagine getting yelled at by a woman that had the barking dog treat? Oh god, that's... Why'd you leave your shoes in the middle of the room? Again, take your shoes, put them in the shoe pile, why is that so hard? But that wheeze is like getting yelled at by Dom Dela Wheeze. Why'd you leave your shoes in the middle of the room? How many pairs of shorts do you like to go through in a day? I don't go through that many pairs of shorts.

Yeah. I don't know why. It seems like, it does seem like I do, but I don't. You get this one. You get, you're sitting in the car with the woman, the girlfriend. Is it recording? Is this recording?

Yeah, it's recording. You're sitting in the car with the woman. It just hits that perfect temperature. We've had a hot heat wave all summer. All summer's been fucking miserable. Yeah, the last, oh God, like three weeks or so. I don't remember it ever being this hot at night. Never was, it's a global high.

Global heat crisis. Fucking hot as fuck. And you get the air down, the air in the car finally hits the perfect temperature and I can see her fucking hand creeping out like the good, the bad and the ugly. Ah! And I fucking look at her fucking twitching hand

and I'm like, she's gonna fucking fuck with the air. She's gonna fuck with the air. Do you have like dual zone though? I don't have dual zone in my truck. She's got dual zone in her car, but even then still I can see with the air. She's gonna fuck with the air. Do you have like dual zone though? I don't have dual zone in my truck. She's got dual zone in her car, but even then still I can see that twitching and then it goes, ah, right? I'm whap, right?

You better not. I don't think so, Baldi. Yeah. And I'll feel perfect for a moment. Then all of a sudden I'll just feel this creeping sickness of heat down the middle of my shirt in the back, I'm just like, what's happening? You're dying a little.

I'm dying here. Just a little bit at a time. Two bars? Two bars isn't, that's not enough weather for me. What's happened here? I see your hand go back down like, why wouldn't you just fuck with, why wouldn't you just do the vent? Why every time must we have this conversation?

Just aim the vent away. Aim the fucking vent away. Close the fucking vent! That's right there in front of you! You're doing this on purpose! I will gladly take the air blowing harder on me by you closing that vent. And then I'll turn it down. And then you can open your vent up.

It's like this perfect ecological system. The rain falls, it rains into the ocean, the ocean evaporates, becomes fresh rain, the rain falls, it's a fucking cycle. fucking cycle perfect water cycle that we had I can't fucking get no woman ever has ever wanted to participate in the fucking Water cycle of their well the car I see They do get they get colder than we do yeah, they're just they're just cuz they're from Satan Cuz they don't have any they don't actually they can't tell Temperature they put women in boiling lava and they say, how hot is it?

Are you hot or cold? And then they say, I don't know, are you comfortable? Yes, then I'm too cold. That's what they do. They don't have any sort of skin at all. They just base it on what you feel. What you say, yeah. They dropped 20 women in the ice cold,

freezing Arctic tundra. And they said, and they go, how do you, okay, here's a survey, how do you gals feel? And they said, well, how do you feel? Oh. And I say, it's cold. I'm like, well, you're going to a club. You're standing outside of a nightclub.

Oh, then I feel fine. Oh. And there's no amount of cold that could ever phase me. Oh. That's how. These are the little things they don't teach in school. You know what the neighbor said to me this week? Well, I was throwing some trash away. The little gay neighbor that was in Vietnam.

Oh yeah, I know. They said if anybody broke into his house, like the cops, they would leave. They'd leave in a body bag. Yeah. I've talked to him a lot actually. I think he's got a thing for you. Really?

Because he goes, hey, he doesn't know my name got a thing for you. Really? He goes hey he's he doesn't know my name he says it wrong. Seriously? He says it wrong every time. Oh really? Like because you have a name that's similar to like maybe other names sometimes that are maybe more common. No he doesn't know it's not a real the one name he says is not in reality as much as my real name is to him I guess. He's picked it and it's gone too long for me to correct it. I think I even did once at a party I got drunk. I'm like hey by the way that's not how you pronounce it. Oh that's funny. He just rolled through it. He goes hey, hey, who's that, who's the man in black? He pulls, he backed up in his

Corvette and he goes, hey who's the man in black? Yeah that's right. And I said, you mean Johnny Cash? and guys now the guy that comes over to your friend that comes over every every week yeah I call him the man in black yeah I'm like David you got it what are you talking about man get out of here yeah Sean yeah I think he called him the man in black though you like that probably so when I was visiting my, this is funny, he reminded me of something. Yeah. When I was visiting my brother and sister-in-law

and nieces back at Christmas, where they live, there is, I guess, the Johnny Cash Museum. So of course I have to go. Yeah. I mean, they got like, it's like, there's the amplifier from Walk the Line. Like, I mean, this is like historical. So they got some really cool stuff there and the people are, they got like, it's like, there's the amplifier from Walk the Line. Like, I mean, this is like historical.

So they got some really cool stuff there. And the people are, they're really, the staff is really knowledgeable and it was very cool. And even my nieces who had never heard of Johnny Cash, who are like 10 years old, they were really like kind of just fascinated by it. Cause he's a captivating guy. Like you look at a picture of him, but you look at him like he's a captivating guy. Like you look at a picture of him,

but you look at him like he's a commanding presence just the way he looks. A little bit ugly and he doesn't seem to know about it. That's like the secret of charisma. I don't know why he's cool, but he's, yeah, right. It's like a magnetism. I'm ugly, but I have no idea. So they were like, you know,

and they watched like they were playing the hurt video near the end of his life. And it's like, you know, and they watched, like they were playing the hurt video near the end of his life. And it's like, you know, some people just, it's like, no, that guy's the fucking real deal. You don't even have to analyze it. You just go, I believe him. He's not acting. And so they were really into it.

And, you know, of course, one of them always makes fun of me for always wearing black shirts. And like a couple of days later couple days later, she goes, so did you get your black shirts from the black man? And I'm like, what? I'm like, I'm like, I'm like black man? Yeah. And like, I know what's coming next.

Like N word hard R, right? No, no. So I'm like, oh, I'm like, I'm like, what the black man? She goes, I go, what are you talking about? She oh, whoa, whoa. I'm like, wait, the Black man? She goes, I go, what are you talking about? She goes, duh, we went to his museum. I'm like, oh, the man in black, Johnny Cash? Oh, she's like, so do you get your-

So you get your whole deal from Johnny, like, is that- You finally showed us where your whole thing is from, by the way. Do you get your black shirts from the Black man? We got you pegged now, Uncle Sean. It's like, you almost made the right smart ass comment. Did you get your shirts from the black man? Yeah. Is that what you're doing over there? Alright, let's start the show. Are you recovered from last week's show? Uh, I'm not sure what was going on. It's very rare that you text me after a show going, oh my God, what was that? I wanna know how to all check out.

Oh, it's not. Yeah! Welcome to Dick. You wanna take you love dick, you need dick, you get it. So show happens in contest, coming to you live from Mountain Bunker, deep in the heart of the city of Valoram, your host, Iqmash, the new 20 million dollar man.

Joining me as always, world touring LA-based comedian, Sean the Audio Engineer. Hello, Dick. What's up, buddy? I don't know, you tell me. Oh, God. I did, I think I texted you the next day, or something, I was like,

should that all calm down? I guess not quite. Did, is Vito? I really lost it on the Biggest Problem episode. Is Vito like $20 richer that he found tape to his door or anything? I mean- It's not funny. That's a boundary. I mean like I- I- I get it. Like I mean he- it was- it was very clear. Like- What was clear?

That he doesn't- he's not cool in any way shape or form with people like coming to his house We got it I understand I got it I And I get the the one thing that you know, I mean I understand like what's like, okay if it's not Riley then maybe it's it's encouraging other people who aren't Riley to possibly do it. And that's the only thing that I can see. I don't believe that Riley will do anything malicious. I- Neither does he.

Here's, did this, when you said you got it, is this why you got it? My property, my property, my property, my property, of my property, of my property, of my property, my property, of my property, of my property and my property my property of my property my property my property my property Come on my property on my property my property my property my property my property my property my property my property That's a minute long My property my property my property my property my property my property my property my property My property my property my property my property my property my property my property my property my property

My property is my property my property my, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, my property, We'll talk about that later. I don't know. Somebody reached out and said my suicide shirt on the store is too expensive. Because you know I have a $5,000 suicide shirt. You can't take it with you. Why not kick me some? You know the debt's all going to a collections company. It's gonna get wiped out in your estate. I've never seen a hearse with a trailer hitch on it. Exactly. So if you're gonna take yourself out, just go to shop.dick.show,

buy my $1,000 I'm gonna kill myself shirt. It's 1,000 or 5,000? Oh, 5,000. Thank you, 5,000. And they said, well, I got an email saying the shirt's too expensive. Well, you know. You know, it's times are rough.

Maybe times are tough out there. Increase your credit limit. If you know, see if you can get a sense. That's I mean, that's that's part of doing things to not kill yourself. Right. Check it out. Yeah. But I still want the money like I really want the money. I don't want to risk someone killing themselves yet again and not buying my shirt. I know. Yet again.

Right. Cantillian's died, he didn't buy the shirt. Can you believe that? I can't believe- He died of natural causes, you know, but still, he got a phone, right? I guess he just had health problems, huh? Like, I mean- He had heart problems, yeah. Aw, sad. Yeah. I think it was like a year ago, maybe, right around, though.

Might have even been longer. I know, yeah. Longer than a year ago. It's weird. It's weird to me that people like our age or younger or whatever, just like, you know, I mean, suicide is like obviously, but then it's just like, whoa, like he just got sick and died.

I thought that was only for, it's like when a woman has a heart attack. What? Yeah. Now you must really be a pain in the ass. Oh boy. Carl texted me that he was at a bar, and let me see, he was at a bar in Rochester,

and he was talking about Vito's shit, and the bartender overheard, and he was a dickhead. Wow. And he's like, hey, are you talking about? Wow. Oh man. Name was Jack, I guess his name was. That's funny.

I love that stuff when people recognize anybody involved in the show. Yeah, that is cool. I mean, obviously I don't really spend much time amongst people. The common folk. So I don't get recognized. It's happened a couple of times over all the years.

Where it was like, yeah, one time it was at the movie theater in the bathroom. Oh, that's a good spot. If you do see me in public, make sure you wait until we go to the bathroom to talk to me, right? Wait until the peeing starts and then hang. Kind of captive for at least a minute or so. Dean Cain, Superman blocked me. Really? I guess I am a villain then. If that doesn't say it.

If that right, there you go. If that doesn't say it, then what else? I just asked how broke he was. Oh yeah. Because he was in Eric Chalai's fucking shill video about subscribe to the rip-a-verse really oh my god Well, that's dude. What what are you doing? Why are you doing that? You got me everything they make sucks. Why are you putting your face? Doesn't he have like some isn't he had some controversial shit in the past like either like

They're just being like a real I think little boys should have their penises cut off or something like that. So I don't know I don't know Yeah, I don't know. Was he just like a super douche or just a complete asshole? I don't I can't remember. I don't know. But I mean he doesn't he doesn't work. There's like three or four Christian or conservative celebrities that these conservative like con artists just trot around ride around from one drifting station to the next. It's kind of sad, honestly. Well, it's like, yeah. I mean, he, you know, I don't know

if he's really tough to deal with. It's like, remember- Oh, is he? Well, I mean, he might be because- Is he Chinese? I have no idea. Chinese Superman? I have no idea.

Is he a hatchet Chinese? Let's go out. How many Chinese people are we talking about here? I think that, you know, it is, there is a limit to what people will put up with as like, you know, as talent, you know, hired in Hollywood. It's like, it happened with, what's it, like, Catherine Heigl. Yeah.

Like, she was like, she was the shit for like- I don't know who that is. She was in- Is she the one that's going like this on the meme? Well, she came from Grey's Anatomy and then... Oh, shit. No, and then she... What was the big one with Seth Rogen?

Like maybe where they have the baby or whatever? Knocked up. Knocked up, yeah. Huge movie. She did some other stuff, but she's so fucking horrible. Oh, really? Yeah, people just stopped hiring her. And the last time I saw her, she was in a Nyquil ad

with a non-speaking role. Like she was sleeping. That's too bad. I mean, you can only put up with somebody, at some point it's like, there's plenty of other talented people. We can't deal with you, you're insane. Yeah.

I'll tell you what, we saw Hamilton last night, you know that musical? Yeah, yeah, where? Oh man, at the Pantages. I thought I was gonna be pissed off. I thought I was gonna be pissed off because I hate the federal government and the central bank specifically.

And Hamilton had a big part to play in both of those. But I was 100 times more pissed off than I. Have you seen it? No, I haven't. It's like, dude, it's like what old white people or Jewish people want to see rap. Like think rap is. Okay.

Like guys mumbling, it's like Schoolhouse Rock, but a bunch of black guys. So you didn't like it? Doing like blackface. Oh. How does that work? Well, it's like, you know how black guys doing like blackface. So you didn't like it? Oh. How does that work? Well, it's like, you know how black guys are like when they act like weathermen?

And they're like, oh, come get the weather. And then it's then they're like doing little like black affectations to throw some like urban heat on it or something. I'll never forget the field reporter who, like a bee got like in his face or something where he was just like blah, blah blah blah and then he's like went full fucking hood. Oh my god. I don't know how it's I don't know how

it's as popular it is. I don't believe that any kid could sit through it. It's like it's in deciding sitting there and listening to it is nearly indecipherable like everyone is mumbling constantly and they're reading a dictionary. The rhymes, it's the rhymes that are going, it's like a commercial's worth of information. Because that's a fucking huge hit. For three fucking hours, it's a huge hit. It's long. It's a huge hit and I can't imagine, I can't imagine one person in there enjoying it for any reason. Like I want to sit there and go, did you, did you understand what was happening?

Because there's barely any story. Is this the original cast and everything? No, of course not. So it's gone past the point where it feels like- Obviously not as good, probably. And I know it's not the original cast because the love interest, the wife, was a great big fat Chinese woman. What? That they got.

Hamilton's wife was, you know, huge. Like scrunched up, scrunched up eyes, the fat friend, the fat friend in an 80s Chinese movie, Fat. Was she a railroad builder? I don't know. Now she's a railroad crusher. They send her out in front to crush the boulders. It's so fucking distracting.

Oh, wow. That every scene with her is like, what is going on? Are they doing this because it's supposed to be an all black production? Like, is this part of it? Well, there's white people in it, right? No, just the King of England who makes the whole,

it's so funny, it makes the whole thing, but he's only in it for like three minutes. I really, at the end, I was like, I gotta ask one person in here, what was, either one, what was good about this, or two, what they understood about it. Because it was fucking exhausting. We were both driving home, like, drooling from it.

It was so mentally fatiguing. Really? I tried to listen that carefully for three hours. I don't know if I understand it or not. It's one of those, where, yeah, it's a million words a bar, right? So it's- Yeah, aggressively mean, because it's one of those where, yeah, it's a million words a bar, right? So it's... Yeah, aggressively.

Got it. And they did Aaron Burr dirty as well. I was waiting for that. They made him like this pussy, this like servile, like rule following pussy. He's a fucking murderer. Yeah, oh yeah. He's like a real, he's like a real bastard.

Yeah. He never felt bad. In fact, he made fun of shooting Alexander Hamilton after he did it. Yeah. It was awesome. Yeah. But they just, they turned him into such a fucking pussy. I don't know. I really...

Sigh. I shall be going back to musical theater for a while, Sean. You've had your fill. I've had my fill of... Do you see the debate? Do you see the... Did you... Just the... How many Haitians eating dogs and. Do you see the debate? Do you see the, did you? Just the- How many Haitians eating dogs and cats

did you run into today? Any of- No. None of them? No. Well, you better keep your eye out. I will keep it peeled. Conservatives are offering big money rewards

for anybody with any quote unquote evidence they're saying. Yeah. I don't know what that means. Right. But if you have any evidence of someone eating a cat or a dog They're offering you know big bucks. Okay good They're posting basically anything that looks like any sort of animal being roasted by a black person as evidence

That's the conclusion I can we know that it's we know that it's happening, okay? Yep. That's the conclusion I came to. We know that it's happening, okay? Everybody stop it, we know it's happening. There's no need for all this retarded evidence you keep trying to scrounge up, okay? Just to be right. It doesn't exist, but we know it's happening. You just stick with that.

You guys, do you not understand why it's so, you just don't understand the joke, okay? The chicken crossed the road, why? I don't know if they have? Let's get some evidence. Have you seen any chickens cross the road? No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no incompatible with our own to such a degree that they're eating pets. They're violating a totally arbitrary constraint that we have created because of abundance. We have decided to let these animals live with us and sleep in our beds because we think it's funny. It's not funny to them. Lemongue with a number of other things that are not funny to them. I think yeah, I think why I think you're thinking way too way too deeply on this no cuz it's funny It's fun. Oh shit. Oh, man. Yeah, it's gonna get you the fucking time

Oh, it's every fourth show or so. I'm just saying I'm saying compared to the conservatives like that's where you you understand They're stupid because me and Trump are liberals. That's why we understand why it's funny. Hey say the cat say they're eating the cats and dogs Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, is it real? I don't know. Yeah, of course Yeah, I mean is it funny then it's real like that's the do you not understand how past fact We are do you not understand how post truth fact and reality that we are in that debate There was nothing even close nothing even resembling policy remember when Ross Perot would get up and go Here's a fucking chart. If you put a chart up at these debates,

people's fucking heads would explode. Oh, I know. No, this is- A chart? What's the- Excuse me, I'm speaking. How do you- Does that sound familiar? Bitch and I went, OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH He got her!

He fucking got her! No fucking policy, chart, truth or fact exists in such a debate. Nope, nope, we're way past that. We are way past that. And it's good. It's good because people are fucking stupid and it's insulting to facts themselves, to present them to people who cannot understand them and do not care. I'm not going to enfranchise you people as though you can understand cause effect studies facts

You understand nothing but insults. I wish that wasn't the case. It is You know it really really is. And it's some eyes perfectly in they're reading the cats and dogs That's not true. Fuck you it is. Well if I'm gonna get some proof stop getting proof you don't need proof Everybody laughs they're making fucking dance remixes about it shut the fuck up about the proud you just have to say it You're never gonna get proof never And it will never they don't fucking care oh Man it was it was funny. I was I I was sad that's the fucking funniest thing he's ever said. They're eating the pets, they're eating the cats. Straight bald-faced lie.

Well, you know, straight bald-faced statement in contradiction with the entire mass media organization, the entire Democratic Party, the entire, like, everything that exists is there's four lights. There's five lights. Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Hey Trump, what do you think about immigrants?

There's four lights. Yeah. I know. I know. Yeah. And there's, in this case, there is actually five lights. Doesn't matter! It's just so...

I don't know. It's impossible to explain to people, you know? Yeah, I know, I know. Unless you've seen that episode. Yeah, right. Picard, just say there's five lights. Right. Stop getting tortured.

Right. Well, I had to, Wesley. You know? No, you didn't. Shut up, Wesley. It's being a pain in the ass. Five lights. Can I go back to the holodeck or something? Yeah.

That was great. That was great. Let's see. Winner won't be known on election night. Yeah, of course, why not? Oh, here's a good one. I got just a pile of stuff today. That was so dis-

I wanted to be wrong about Hamilton. Really? Yeah. Yeah, but it was just like a, it was like a really straightforward historical biography wrapped to a, to an audience of like old boomers. I haven't heard anything except obviously like rave reviews from everybody who's, you know. I'm thinking like do people think him Alexander Hamilton himself was black. Is that what's happening here? Yeah I'm really confused because he was from the Bahamas doesn't mean you know, it was white. Yeah, he was right

Yeah, yeah, he was white sure Okay, let's see here. Yeah, what do you think? Oh, yeah, I wish my son had been killed by a white man What? Let me load this up No, no, no, no windowcaps eee-oop Bo-boing. Are we gonna talk about anything? Are we gonna talk about anything, uh, uh,

MaddoxX related or anything? Oh, fuck, see that's one of the maybe callers that I got calling. Oh, okay. I don't know, I got the... Got it, got it, alright. She left me a really unhinged call. Uh-oh. We had such an unhinged call from a woman last week that I feel like it's kinda... We had an unhinged...

Oh, you mean... It's all the screaming from Mint that Mint was doing. Oh, got it. I don't know, it's kinda overload to have two. I see. Yeah, I am. It's funny though screaming from Mint that Mint was doing. Oh, got it. I don't know, it's kind of overload to have two. I see, yeah, yeah. It's funny though. You're kind of reading the room here.

Yeah, I'm going to give it a minute. Right now, the energy's being sucked out. The elephant in the, you know the elephant in the room? The phrase? Yeah, of course, yeah. Like you don't address it, it just like throws the vibe off, right? Yeah.

Yeah, I feel that way. Got it. Yeah, so I don't know. Let's wait and see how the rest of the show develops Here's a parent of this kid Says they wish he'd been killed by an older white man instead of a Haitian Well, if he had to be killed, I guess in their estimation, right? I'd prefer that he wasn't killed at all said the father but since he was killed. I haven't heard it yet

I don't know two minutes., come on, cut it. In our best interest to be here after recent comments. You know, I wish that my son, Aiden Clark, was killed by a 60 year old white man. I bet you never thought anyone would ever say something so long- Retarded. Is this a crisis actor? Who would say that?

Well, I don't know. I don't know what's going through, you know. I bet you never thought I'd say... I bet you never thought a parent would say something so... brave. What was that? I don't know, maybe he comes from a big, like, you know, civil rights background with his family and stuff and like immediately like, well, my kid's gone and I don't, you know, I don't like that it's stoking anti, you know, anti-murderer. Anti-murderer backlash.

Yeah, I mean, you know, it's a, somebody murdered somebody else. Like that's, you know. And I wish it had been a white guy that did it so so so you can't use it so you can't use it as a tool to go these people are violent I guess I never thought anyone would ever say something so blunt. But if that guy killed my 11 year old son, the incessant group of hate spewing people would leave us alone. The last thing that we need is to have the worst day of our lives violently and constantly shoved in our faces.

But even that's not good enough for them. What is he talking about though? Violently shoved in our face? Well, because it's, they're always, because it's, it's in every like headline or probably local news or whatever. Oh, Haitian immigrant killed this kid? Yeah, sure.

That it's, yeah, they keep bringing up cause it's talking about immigration, about, you know. That's true, I guess. I bet you never thought anyone would say something so blunt. Right. That's it. That's pretty blunt. That's pretty blunt, I guess. You're right.

Oh, no, I don't know. I don't think that's true. What do you mean? I don't think I never would have thought anyone would have said something like that. Oh, got it. Something that stupid. Yeah, I mean, it depends on how creative a thinker you are. Yeah, that's true. Here's another one.

They're trying to figure out how to deal with the eating dogs and cats stuff. So here's tactic two. That was tactic one. Here's tactic two, dear racists. Why are people even talking about this? I mean. Because it's so funny.

This is where we're at. I find this just incredibly depressing. That's where you and I differ on. It's like, where you're like, it's finally all just bullshit. We finally can just say whatever we want. I don't have to pretend any of you pencil dicks are good people. Or anything like that. We can just say whatever we want.

Yeah. Yes. The good, the, you know, the good, the quote unquote good people I, you know, I agree with you on. Yeah. Thomas Jefferson came out in a purple jumpsuit, like the Mr. Glass.

Like Prince. Like Prince with a kid in play top. Oh wow. Haircut. I'm like, all right, I like this, but. Racists are furious over migrants grilling seagulls and geese. Newsflash, hate racist.

Newsflash, most Americans eat birds. Newsflash, ever heard of chicken racists? Why, why? Damn racists, you eat birds too. Why'd you like write this? Yeah, okay. Newsflash racist. This is, oh yeah, this is definitely reason. Of all the things that get worked up about in this hellscape, the homelessness crisis, rampant inequality, the soul-crushing reality of America's broken system, thousands of

people online are absolutely losing it over a few cooked wild-caught geese in Springfield. Just a few geese that were pulled out of the park and cooked by people that aren't from here, that got deposited here in the tens of thousands and nobody asked for. That's part of like how people don't feel any connection with the Federal government that rules over them and takes half their money. It's just a couple of you know what I mean It's like these wonderful inflection points that get distilled in a trans woman Be savagely beating a woman unconscious and then getting a gold getting a medallion for it and everyone's like, okay We're all very, we're pissed about everything that led up to this,

but since we get called all this crazy shit and don't have the energy to break it down, we're just gonna be pissed about this. Cause this is, if you can't win this one, if you can't admit this one, then we don't have a chance in hell at any of the rest of it. Yeah, there's, you can get worked up about so many things. Yeah.

All the fucking time. It's just, it's such a fucking, it's such a joke. It's such a fucking joke. But perfectly civilized folks eat geese all the time, right? So what's really going on? Yeah, what is really going on? Great question. Yeah.

What is really going on? Uh question. What is really going on? The OnlyFans makes more than the NBA. Do you know that? Really? Yeah. I mean, as a whole, that makes sense to me. OnlyFans brought in NBA, OnlyFans brought in 6.6 billion

and the NBA made 4.9 billion. How about that? 6.6? Yeah, so that's only fans made 1.7 billion more. Only fans has 2 million creators. So whoring, or not even just titillating men, teasing men, cock-teasing men is at the same level as I think is, is basketball the most, the biggest sport or is, is, does it, how does it rank with baseball and football? Boy, I, Baseball has crazy television contracts. Yeah. And there's so many teams. Oh yeah, NFL makes 18 billion. The NFL, I was gonna say the NFL is the biggest, it's gotta be. Yeah, yeah. And that's, you know, it's like- 11 billion, so the NBA makes the least. Does it?

Yeah, of the big three. Got it. So that's interesting. Man, so we either gotta get behind the whores, or the cutting them off is not working. You can't stop the NBA, right? Guys wanna stop women from doing the cock teasing and draining guys of their money, but it's not working.

No, it's no, no, no. And it never, it never does. It never does. It's like trying to stop file sharing, try any of that. Yeah. You're coming to, you gotta figure out. Well, they made it easier and then it dropped off a cliff. Yeah, you gotta figure.

They made buying movies so easy that the piracy just kind of evaporated. Yeah, yeah. They need like a G, one of those Jesus pictures where he's doing heroin, but it's Jesus's arm, you know? Oh, yeah. But it's just Jesus jacking you, but it's Jesus's hand, jacking off while you're fucking participating in OnlyFans, right? Geez.

You know, to code it. Sure. To make it, to make you think that it's another guy, especially Jesus jacking you off. I'm just saying, I'm just trying to get these numbers down. That's all. It's out of control. We're gonna have, is it the,

it's like the pipeline for kids now is, well, I'm gonna go be a famous athlete. Now you can throw on there like, well, I'm gonna be a famous whore, you know? Cause you're not really, you're not really whoring. Right. You're just kind ofwhore, you know? Yeah. Cause you're not really whorin'. Right. You're just kinda existing. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. You gotta be good or bad at it, right? Yeah. I don't know, it's a fun future. Wow. Oh, fuck, Madison says she's not coming in. Oh, that's probably my fault.

Oh, really? I think I took too long, D. I gotcha. Get back at her. Oh, yeah, Maddox said something. Oh did he? Oh great. I can't wait to go through that interview with him. The bonus episode,

the end of the Cucumenary, Maddox's... God, what a fucking nut. The Mystery Man. Available on Patreon.com slash The Dick Show where we watch the very end of the C kukumener a where he excoriates Jack Conti. Yeah Boy, I mean, yeah, I mean you said it that expression was it you know, he's screaming into the void. Yeah

Here is let's see. Here's what he's got to say on Here's he's got to say on the eating cats and dogs shit. Uh, Springfield City School District tells ABC News that they're evacuating two elementary schools. Oh, because it was the terrorism stuff? I'm sure. Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah.

We got an email from a Proton mail account that says they're gonna drop a tungsten rod from outer space on the elementary school because the Haitians are eating cats and dogs. How many tungsten? Oh yeah. I don't think it matters from that altitude. Maybe not. Perron Woods and Snow Hill Elementary, they're currently releasing those students to their

parents. Probably, Maddox comes in, probably a completely isolated incident that has nothing to do with one of the two major candidates spreading fear Oh, he's being sarcastic spreading fear and xenophobia about a minority group Trump says things and then people completely independently of his words take unrelated actions like on January 6th Does that does that sound reasonable? I mean, I was a little nuts. I don't know. I mean, I've... Sounds a little nuts.

I don't know. I just, I have a hard time just like, I have a hard time being unbiased about stuff that he says. Because it's just so long. Because it's so long and sarcastic. That's one thing I've started seeing. It's weird that like he, it's that he does, he does kind of understand sarcasm, but he doesn't when somebody else does it.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm really noticing an issue with people pretending not to get jokes when it's happening to them. I see what you're doing there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that was funny when it happened to that guy. Yeah, no, it really was.

Well, that's- When Riley said he was gonna rape Matt Barr, that was hilarious when it happened to that guy. Yeah, no, it really was. Well, that's- When Riley said he was gonna rape Matt Barr, that was hilarious. And you know what? That is, it's different. People don't even, people don't know how they're gonna react until it actually happens to them. Assume it's gonna be bad.

They think they do. Yeah, they like to hope they would. They think they do, but you know, you really don't know. You really gotta remind yourself that nothing is ever gonna happen to you and that nothing ever happens anywhere. Oh yeah, I'm remind yourself that nothing is ever gonna happen to you. And that nothing ever happens anywhere. Like, oh yeah, I'm afraid of something, nothing that is ever gonna happen. And usually what does happen to you is not what you're expecting.

Yeah, usually just a lot of boring bullshit happens to you. Yeah. You ever coach Red Pill? I don't know if he ever called him. I mean, I know the name, yeah. You know the name? He called into Ethan Ralph's show a lot, Ralph the Torrent. Was he dead?

He was killed by Zelensky. Yeah. He called into Ethan Ralph's show a lot, Ralph the Torrent. Was he dead? He was killed by Zelensky, I'm present. Yeah. For talking about how Zelensky's a criminal dictator. Yeah, I don't know that I would be, you know. You gotta read the room. Yeah, you were right, but you're dead. Yeah, he got, yeah.

You were right. Just, you know. We all knew it though. There was no reason for you to say it. you weren't giving like any sort of that seems to be information that seems to be Something that affects like people with a big online presence is I think they They sometimes can forget that like what you're saying in person Yeah, like there can be more immediate consequences than like you're saying in person. Yeah. Like there can be more immediate consequences than what you're typing.

Yeah. Like where you just, you kind of just, it blurs between and it's like, oh, sometimes it's not smart to say whatever you would say on a keyboard. No. And most of the time, Leave the country first, coach.

Most of the time, most of the time, it won't, nothing will happen. Everybody's got cameras, everything is like, so it's like people do have this, they have this, I don't know, this imaginary shield around them, they think. And then something like- Of being an American, where I can just say whatever I want.

But I'm, it's like, oh, well, is there anybody who's gonna run through that door and save your ass? Like, I mean, like, oh no, it's just you and me? Oh, that's- Oh, you're in big, that's, that could be a problem for you. Yeah. That's how I feel about the Andrew Tay stuff. Did you think that-

I just don't relate to it. They were just gonna ignore it? Yeah, I don't- Forever? Why? I don't relate to that. Here is a, this guy, I think he's like some kind of weirdo communist, this guy.

Okay. He says he erected a vigil of solidarity, a memorial for Gonzalo Lira has been placed in front of the U.S. Embassy in Moscow, Russia. Oh, is that his real name, Gonzalo Lira? Yeah. May he rest in peace. So I guess he's kind of a big guy and he's arranged for a memorial which looks kind of like, it looks like the directory at a shopping mall?

You know like you are here and over here is the Spencer's gifts over by coach red pills head and the AMC Cinema is over under his goatee and the shitty Edwards cinema is under his hat right the pet store is over Look at this come on. This is a this is a This is a memorial with a fireworks effect over here on the left. Yeah, right. It's like this... Big picture where he's wearing an orange hat like a Bitcoin guy? What is this? Sean, don't erect...

He tried. I'm not going to erect anything. Don't erect anything of me. Look at this It's like a it's like a bouquet filter that was just applied to this background That doesn't even look that doesn't even look real like I mean like it looks like somebody's not real It looks like somebody took the it looks like somebody took like a picture of this and then put type over it like free speeches Oh, yeah, you're right. It's fake. It doesn't look good speech is it the free speech it doesn't look good it doesn't look good let me see if it's I didn't look specifically looking at the at the free speech is a threat quote that that looks it could very well be real I mean pick it up say I'm no fucking forensic

Photoshop experts like shit. It does. In an international day of journalist solidarity, because we, three speeches a threat to America. How old was he? Coach Redfield? 1968. Oh, OK. Yeah, 56.

Bummer, man. That's that generation. That attitude, if I could say whatever I want, I think ends with them. I don't have it. I'm like, ooh. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, well, no, I mean, I know you, yeah. I know you know, like, there is a line that, like, in your own self-interest should probably not be crossed. I'm not getting killed for this shit. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Man, I went to sleep last night, slept like an hour and a half, and that was it.

Woke up. You were up all night after that? Yeah. I even had sleep problems, huh? Yeah, yeah. It's all a wee man. I've been sleeping a little better lately, but like, man, I just like fucking,

I'm just like in a trance today. I gotta start drinking NyQuil. Which is probably good. Drinking NyQuil? Yeah. Yeah. I don't think this stuff works as good as it used to. I don't think so either.

They changed the ingredient. They did? Oh yes, years ago. Fucking cocksuckers. Yeah, and I think there's less alcohol in it than there used to be too. I didn't know there was any alcohol in it. Yeah, it was something like,

it was like fucking like 20% or something. It was... For the taste. For the taste, yeah. Let's see, here's an interesting thing. Um, here's all the crime that's being committed, right? Yeah. This is prior arrests of persons admitted to state prison. Okay.

So how many times you've been arrested? This is 2014. Yeah. How many times you've been arrested before you end up in prison? Uh... Let me see if this is... Prior arrests of persons... well, what if you've... what if it's your second stint in state prison or something? Well, that's what this kind of is saying. This is when you're admitted.

Well, what I'm saying... but what... but arrest doesn't necessarily... you may be arrested multiple times and not go to jail, not go to prison. Let me blow this up. You know? What the fuck? Why isn't this thing working? Yeah, I see what you're saying. Yeah, you're right. So this is arrests before you go to prison.

Sorry, I'm just resizing the screen. And it goes, prior arrest of person admitted to state prison. So- In 2014. In 2014, so you got one, two, kind of gets like a hump over here. Five, six arrests. Yeah, that's the, yeah. Seven arrests, eight arrests, nine arrests. 2014 so you got one two kind of gets like a hump over here five six

That's the yeah seven arrests eight arrests nine arrests Yeah, okay Yeah, I think and then you go we we we we it drops off like a like a yeah Just decays slowly up to 30 arrests and then whoops 31 or more then we get them. Yeah. Man. Wow. So it's either you got to be in that sweet spot I guess.

Of one. Well. Two. I guess if you get arrested right away before three then you are very unlucky. Yeah. You go to prison before you're like you want to get into prison at your ninth arrest. Right. Yeah. I mean you want to have some time to yeah. Yeah. Then you milk to get into prison at your ninth arrest, right? Yeah, I mean you want to have some time to... Yeah.

Yeah, then you milk to try. Got it. Yeah. That's crazy. What are we going to do about these guys? Can we just... Well, yeah, they seem to be having a problem just, you know, being able to exist in a, you know... Can we say 30 times then you're out? 30 times and you're out? Yeah, exactly. It's like wow

I mean three I saw somebody say three times we should kill him like I think that's a little It's a especially because like what is considered a strike, you know has changed and yeah It's like really like weed. Yeah One of the cop could arrest you three times if he doesn't like you. There are some people who are like, well yeah, we'd kill him. Yeah. Which is insane to me. I know. Conservatives are just competing to see who has the most...

It depends. ...fascist take. I think 30, though. That's probably it. That's a lot of... You're on 25. Five more. We gotta kill you. You better fucking watch it. Yeah. At 20, alright.

That's, you know, you're two thirds of the way to getting killed. So, here's some more pamphlets and stuff. I wanna just slow down to a couple a year from now on. Yeah, you got, how old are you? 30, 20, 30, you got 50 more years. You're gonna wanna spread these crimes out until you're like 80. Wait, but just- 10 crimes. We're helping you plan for retirement.

Yeah. Yeah, we got- Yeah, you gotta make it to 65 at least. Yeah, spread out. You can't fly private all the time. You gotta save- Every three months, you could do a crime and you could make it to being alive at 65. But if you keep doing this.

Yeah, you're gonna, you're gonna burn out quick. We're done. We gotta get, we gotta let you go. We gotta let you go. What time is it? One? Yeah, 1 o' six. Is anybody in here?

Cheeto legs. Yeah, I don't know. Did I have, it is, oh, Vito says, I have handled it, it is handled. What's handled? I don't know, did, uh, I have, it is, oh, Vito says, I have handled it, it is handled. What's handled? I don't know. Vito? Is Vito in the Discord? No, he's saying it on Twitter.

It's very contentious. What is, are you gonna talk about what's going on? Sure, I'll talk about it during the comments. I just wanna get all this goofy stuff, all the silly stuff that's fun to talk about out of the way. Sure. Not everyone likes retarded, retarded internet drama. Some people do, but not everyone.

Yeah. Woman alert, period bloodshed. Okay. Woman alert. Woman alert. Man, we got a squirrel. Oh yeah? On the back deck that is

It's about the size of a cat. Jesus. It's fuck is it eating that yeah, I Woke up with a great rumbling Yes climbing on the deck like that. Usually the squirrels play on the railing. Yeah. Yeah this one Fuck is there a Little man back there. Yeah coy I think it's like a raccoon or something. Yeah, and I hear like, instead of the little rattle, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch, I hear ch-ka-ch-ka-ch-ka-ch-ka. And even the dog's like, what the fuck's going on back there? I ain't fucking with that thing.

Peek around the corner and it's like this fucking... Pickle squirrel. ...pucker man. Wow. That's a specimen right there. I started like salivating like a Haitian. I'm like, hmm, I can't agree on it. Get some of these. There's a lot of people,

a decent amount of people who will eat squirrel. Yeah. White people too, you know? Well, they're, yeah. I mean, I think they're kind of all white from what I've seen. Yeah. Although I think Karl Malone talked about eating squirrel. Or Or was that a Jimmy Kimmel spoon-fart?

Was that Jimmy Kimmel doing Karl Malone? Doing blackface Karl Malone. I don't know. Which he did, yeah. Cops miss Switzerland strangled to death? Oh man. Oh, a kid trying to sell PS5s in the ghetto. This is funny.

Oh no. Wait, didn't you just gonna... You just did a woman alert. I did, yeah. Hold on. It wasn't the strangled to death one. Shit! I missed it. The fuck was it? Okay, it'll come to me. Let me do the PS5 first.

Here it is. Do do do. Do do do. Do do do. Oh yeah. Pop that down a little bit. I got it. So this guy pretends to sell a PS5 in the ghetto where he lives, I guess. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I don't know his whole story, but that's what he's doing here So I'm saying y'all ain't gave y'all ain't got my cash up

His entire content that's the same pretending to sell a PS5. And people just jacking him for it. People just jack him over and over and over. And they never buy it. And he pretends that he's getting robbed every time. This is very ballsy content. Yeah. Well, yeah, because he could get killed. Oh, yeah.

Just for like, nobody wants a witness of their crime or they'll kill him and take his fucking shoes, too This guy called me locking away. They all just grab it If it's if it's really saying sure I mean If it's real, you're saying? Sure, I mean, yeah. Well, I mean, it could be, but it could also be real. I need this stuff to get fact-checked by real American patriots.

It's too stressful to look at viral movies anymore. But people will steal stuff from somebody if they're just out there by themselves with something valuable. And they don't have much. I would say that, like that's it and and conceivably much worse could happen. Things are terrible. Chill out bro.

Throws it in the window. Throws it in the window of a car. Get out of here. Hey bro chill out bro. What the fuck this nigga. He's laughing dude like he's. Shit. Nah bro I don't want to. I don't want the damn reel though. You can't. Damn. Cash up? I don't know. What do you think? Fake or not? I don't know dude he's like kind of laughing. He doesn't seem to be like really. Not really fazed by it. Doesn't seem like it. Yeah. I don't know maybe Well, maybe just like you know, we're all here waiting for the great pumpkin Sean Oh boy. Yeah, right and it's fucking Snoopy and it's fucking Snoopy every time

And what's that behind him? Oh no, that's gotta be the great pumpkin No, Snoopy again fucking around. Ah, man. I fucking hate Snoopy now Still gonna wait though. Okay. Excuse me, I'm talking. Yeah. Does that sound familiar? Oh! That's the greatest thing I've ever heard on TV.

I didn't see it. You didn't see that? No. Because you know Kamala Harris was like, she did that, uh... Uh, I'm speaking. I'm speaking. Excuse me, I'm speaking. When she's getting interrupted at your last debate. Yeah.

And like, that sassy shit. Uh-huh. I'm speaking, like, br I'm speaking, when she's getting interrupted at the last debate, and like that sassy shit, right? I'm speaking, like, brr, right? So we were all, we were all waiting for it. Oh, so he used it too? At the debate, we were all waiting, and Kamal Harris wanted both mics to be on all the time, and we were like, you bitch, you know he's gonna interrupt you,

and you're gonna use that fucking line, and you're gonna put it on a t-shirt, and every fucking bitch is gonna say that until the end of... until the sun burns out, until the sun consumes the Earth. They're gonna be saying that shit on Mars. Can that happen soon? We speed that up in any way. Anything we do... Anything... any manufacturing practices,

anything that can speed up the sun... Let's get the greenhouse shit going guys come on Let's just come and call this a believe in climate change. I'm Seller a failed fucking experiment the earth really blew it on this one with us Good job Fucking hell. Oh yeah, so we're all waiting. Trump said no, no hot mics.

Doing mic back and forth like we did for Biden, right? And we were like, oh thank God, so Trump can't interrupt her. So they're having the debate, and Kamala's like, what even is this? This is like someone's mom talking about what should happen in the country. Like what, it's like Kamala, the moderators are arguing with Trump more than Kamala.

Which is funny, but. I don't watch this stuff because like, it'll make you dumber. Like it's garbage. I agree with you. It's garbage. But it's funny still! Because I'm watching because I want to see Trump say outrageous shit.

I know. You know? That's all I care about anymore. It's like, oh come on man. Come on, I know you're going to fuck everybody on everything. I know that you got all these motherfuckers in there. They're going to fuck up everything and take everything in themselves. Worse than you the first time.

Just give me something to laugh at. It's all I can, just do not let this bitch, like do not let this bitch give you, excuse me, I'm talking. Come on, and I'm sick to my stomach. I don't even watch the debate because I don't want to see her go, excuse me, I'm talking.

And then that's the end for me. That's the end for me. That's the end. And Trump's talking about some retarded shit and Kamala's chirping in with her mic off. You can hear her going, bitch, I can hear her in the background. It's being picked up in the... And Trump goes, excuse me, I'm talking.

Does that sound familiar? And I went, oh, he gave it to you. I didn't even know that was on the table. I didn't even know that he could swap flipping on her. I didn't know this kid, I didn't know this was possible. Like I feel like a young black kid in the ghetto watching Michael Jordan on TV, like flying over people in slow motion, people taking pictures. Like that could be, I could be doing that.

That could happen for me. And I said, I never even thought something like that could happen for a guy like me. Right? Yeah. It really embiggened me. Like, oh wow. You're a little less disillusioned than you were before. I'm illusioned now.

You mean at any moment you can flip it on them. You can flip it back. Anything. Anything. That's like the most obnoxious chick thing that could ever be. Excuse me, I'm speaking. Like well, you know, I mean, obviously she can deploy that at any time. And he used it against her.

Oh. Unbelievable. Wow. You're never too old to learn something. she can deploy that at any time. And he used it against her. I said, oh, unbelievable. You're never too old to learn something. You know? No, that's how I felt. Yeah. And my girlfriend made us watch it. Cause I'm like you, I'm like, I can't watch this. I just hate it.

It's too depressing. I hate it. I hate myself afterwards. I hate the country. I hate everything. But then I'm 20, she's like, well, you liked the last one. Cause he said, I don't think even he knows what he's talking about. I said, that's yeah. Well, yeah and and

The man in black Get your you know, it makes me your age shirts from the black man. You know, it makes me rage for real Before you get into comments. Okay. What it's the it's when parking lots of small business parking lots have, they mark their spots that are reserved for certain businesses in the strip mall. Yes. They're like, this is for customers of eye optics. Yeah.

Yeah, only this is reserved for taco llama only. Yeah. And I'm thinking, you know, I didn't consent to this. I know, I understand that you guys have to mark out your, like, customers parking territory. Right. But I feel like this is a violation of the consumer, shopper, the shopper's experience. I agree. I agree. You know? You need to be... Yeah. Yeah. It makes me, it makes me irrationally, every time I see it, it makes me irrationally angry as though I am being forced to consent to something

that I did not agree, I'd never agree to this. Because it's parking, look, we live in LA, the parking is hard to find. So you're like, oh, there's a spot, oh, for fucking one hour optometry, or fucking say, it's like, how long am I gonna be? Do I do it? It's not even hard.

And then I gotta see what kind of, how big a pricks do I think they are? Right they're gonna call a tow company. Is this a Chinese grocer or is it a yoga studio? Right, what's happening? Are they gonna call me on this my new yoga place? Yeah Places place I got new ones closer now. Well, I was gonna say weren't you going to Hollywood? I was going to Silverlake. Oh That's like 15 minutes that way my new one's 15 minutes now. Well, I was going to say, weren't you going to Hollywood? I was going to Silver Lake. Oh. That's like 15 minutes that way. My new one's 15 minutes the other way,

but it's a nicer drive. Oh, OK. Nicer drive. And the parking lot is not the other one. The first one's parking lot is a nail salon and a coffee store and a Pilates place. So it's like a bunch of retarded people are playing bumper cars.

Yeah, the worst drivers in the fucking world. So it's women and they're either, their nails are wet, so they're driving like, they're doing jazz hands, you know? Ha, here I gotta do a 21 point turn, watch out. Ha, or they have hot coffee in both hands. So they're trying to text while they have hot coffee and back out, right?

It's like a fucking nightmare. This one's amazing. I would pull over and take public transportation myself. While they have hot coffee and the steering wheel. And they're back out, right? It's like a fucking nightmare. Oh yeah, this is- This one's amazing. I would pull over and take public transportation myself. It's next to a post office. Nobody's fucking there. The gates are set up. So it's extremely difficult to get your car

in and out of the lot without scratching it. So they're afraid of it. Which weeds people out. Yeah, women are like, I'm just going to go park in the CVS. I'm not getting yelled at for scratching my car on that little hook thing. Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's good, yeah. They know, they opt like, I'm just going to go park in the CVS. I'm not getting yelled at for scratching my car on that little hook thing. Yeah, that's good.

They know, they opt out, right? But the parking lot has half of the spots is for this other store. I don't know what it's for. Half of the spots are for the policy. The other half of the spots are for some, I assume it's like a clothing store. Yeah.

Right? What's it called? I don't remember. But they have those little signs. And every time I see them, I'm like, oh, I'm fucking parking. You guys don't open till 11, so I'm parking in this spot.

Yeah. It's 8.30, I'm gonna be outta here by 9.30. Oh, well then that's not gonna be a problem. Well, then they started putting fucking chairs and shit in their own parking spots. So you have to really mean it if you're gonna... So I have to run, if I choose to, I'll have to run over their chair.

They started putting furniture in their own parking spots to somehow assert dominance over. So they want them to be open in case somebody stays after they open. I don't know. Somebody is, some fucker's still there. These are mine. Like yeah, I kind of feel like,

so I went home and got on Yelp and I'm like, these fucking, I was like, all right, delete. I typed it all out and then like I always do now All right, I put out and not silly Wow. I told Vito to do this. It's very easy type it out Yeah, hit delete do you sit you find that effective? Yeah. Yeah, I'll be up cuz I'll think it's a good idea first Yeah, writing something shitty right now. Let's go. Ah, this is dumb delete Yeah, but I'll put in my mind, you know? That's like hitting send, boop. Got it, I understand. Send it right out of my mind.

But it's making me rage. I see it now, all the, you know. Yeah, I know. Yep. Yeah. Don't make me park in this. Don't make me drive around until I find a fucking spot. Like there's not gonna be a sudden rush

of people looking for optometry at lunchtime. You got all the rest of the day to do optometry. It's funny that you said optometrist because that's where my brain went at first. I don't know why that is. It's so annoying. Because there's one place where I go that I'm like, oh, it is an optometrist.

Yeah. I'm like, fuck. Is it IQ? IQ? Is that the one you're thinking of? No. Is that the name of it? No. Okay, me either.

All right, let's see what I have. Let's see whom I have in here. Just a bunch of jackasses. Is perfect old school method nobody talks about? Write a letter and burn it. Is a perfect old school... Yeah, it's... I've heard it for a perfect old-school yes it's I've heard it for a long long time yeah oh god everybody oh Andy Signore is telling me

to drop it while arguing with me all fucking day about drop what this fucking retarded veto Riley shit oh boy here we go text you go you gotta see hey I get it I like Riley's comedy stop texting me about it I understand what you're saying I really enjoy Riley's comedy routine Text, text, text, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, you gotta see, already talked about it. I'm so, you know, I'm detached, you know, compared to you. Yeah. Obviously. Like I've always thought Riley was funny. He is funny. I think he's funny.

Like I like, I like, I don't see anything. People hate him, but he cares. Do they? Like what are the reasons? Yeah, a lot of people hate him. Because I've never seen anything that is like malicious coming from him. Like I don't, like I really think he's like a- He's adorable.

A little W- he's wearing a cape and he's doing WWE shit. Like I just think he's funny. I don't know, some people- There's some people who I don't think are funny. Yeah. Like who do stuff like that. Yeah. But I think he's funny.

Yeah, some people, when people hate them, they just can't let it go until they get, until they like tell you and then they never stop. I hate, you know, I hate him. I go, yeah, yeah. You know, you don't have to like everybody. Yeah, but I hate, I fucking hate him. What does he have on you?

Like, no, no, I understand. You don't think he's funny. It's important. It's important. They don't understand why you're not as enraged. You don't fucking understand. I hate him. He's ruining the show.

What blackmail did? Yeah. A simple, I don't like him. Right. Well, they want you to be as- Which suffice. They want you to be as upset as they are, I don't like him. Right. Well, they want you to be as- Which suffice. They want you to be as upset as they are. I don't know what it is.

I really don't know what it is. Yeah. But some people don't, it's fine. Yeah. Darth Dragonborn says, remember when Riley said, oh yeah, rape Matt Barr. What did he do? Oh, he said, yeah.

He's gonna rape someone. I mean, that's, come on. It's the, it's absurd. it's the, it's absurd. Like it's absurd. It's the, it's the Carlin like picture, Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd. It's retarded. Like it's like, that's funny.

It's always funny to me. Cause it's just like a bunch of adult men. So I don't care about anything they're talking. Yeah. I know. Yeah. Like, yeah. Uh-huh. And then Ralph went into the house and got in a slap fight. Yeah. I mean, that's funny. Yeah. But don't you think like, I know yeah. Like, yeah. Uh huh. And then Ralph went into the house and got in a slap fight. Yeah. I mean, that's funny.

Yeah, but don't you think, like, I mean, is it not, is not funny or what? Sorry. Um, I'll do some of these first. Save that one. Woman alert. Here it is. Woman alert. Woman alert.

But people are upset. That's for damn sure. Woman alert. Woman alert. But people are upset, that's for damn sure. We're gonna have to do an emergency bonus episode of that show on Wednesday. And I don't know how it's gonna go. What, of the biggest problem? Well, how did it, did it not go well on Friday? It went very not well. Wow.

Here, let me play. I was, I mean, there's a part of me that was surprised there was a show. Well, Vito said he wasn't gonna do a show. So I had Taylor filling in for him, which would be fine. But then he immediately decided that all of the, I'm gonna stay home and guard my house was not real. And that he was doing a show.

It was a very manic, it was a very manic and retarded week. I had enough. I think he's- I had enough of it personally. Like I check in on Twitter when I want to and it's like online bullshit. And then I go back to doing normal stuff.

But he's texting me at four in the morning about this. And I'm like, all right, I gotta block you, man. Like I can't, it's just interrupting my everyday Yeah So then he's texting Randy to tell that me that he needs to meet with me about Riley and like bro This is this is way you want to talk about boundaries Then he just showed up and like noon on a

On a Wednesday. Yeah at my house right and giving me this, I mean I felt bad, he's like I don't know what to do. I'm like well first of all, do a rap battle, first of all just ignore, just say I got got, I look dumb, it's funny, whatever. No big deal. That's the end of it. Or do a rap battle with her or something. And he goes well can you call Riley on the phone

on a three-way call? Like, no, no, no, I'm not bothering other people that are living their lives for this retarded shit. Like, this is all fucking retarded. Totally retarded. Yeah, I mean, I just, I don't think, yeah. I mean, obviously something's going on where he, you know, sees, I don't know what he,

I don't know what he believes about how far Riley will go, or if it will incite other people to do quote unquote, funny stuff, you know, I don't know. I mean, here's what happened on the show. This is every time I brought up Riley, Vito would go dead silent. Sure. Like I was a ghost.

Right. Like in the sixth sense. Let me see if somebody linked this up. Look, this is, look, look. Add it. Like legally. Okay, watch. Okay. Because they're not owned.

So this is like after a week of all this horse shit online. And I'm like, okay, so let's joke about it a little bit and it'll be over. And this was on, this was on Friday. Yeah. Joke about it a little bit. Like that's the point. You gotta have a sense of humor about yourself, you know.

It's, and it's- Especially if you're gonna rip on other people so hard. Dude, let's make fun of Eric Jalai. Like, I can't really make fun of Eric Jalai when you heard. It's hard for, yeah, sometimes it's harder for some people than others to have a sense of humor about yourself or to like admit that you're wrong or- I got goofed on a little bit, you know.

Yeah, I mean, it's just, I don't know. I mean, I don't know that the, I don't, to me, it doesn't seem like the threat is anywhere near kind of what he's saying he thinks it is. I mean, but I don't know. I mean, I don't know what's happened to him. In the, you know- You mean with this? No, I mean, in the, what's, I mean, I don't know. I don't know, Vito's like, what if, I mean,

when he was like 11, did somebody break into his house? No, I don't know Vito's like, what if, I mean, when he was like 11, did somebody break into his house? No, seriously, these are all things that like, I don't know. Well, that's a good reason. Like, I mean, that's a good, yeah, like, oh, okay. Dude, I have no idea. That I can see why it wouldn't be funny, you know. I have no fucking idea about that stuff.

So part of podcasting is like. It just seems like he's stressed as fuck about who knows what, and sometimes, you know, like, my dad was a perfect example yeah fucking lash out at you for something it had nothing to do with you yeah it was totally you know people do that all the time it's not the right way to handle it but like is this really what's stressing him out to no end or is there something else? Nobody knows. I mean, I don't, I'm just asking. So here's the, here's me.

When I brought up Riley, I was like, okay, so how's the Riley thing going? He just goes, yeah, stares at the ground. I'm like, okay, I mean, this is, now this is the weird thing. You always got to talk about the weird thing. It's the weird thing right now. Yeah, this is the weird thing.

So I did it again and this was the result. They're nomadic, like legally. Cause I said, I said Riley can't steal your cats cause cats are nomadic creatures. You can't steal them. They go live where they want. Yeah, like as a joke. Yeah.

I don't. They're nomadic, like legally. Oh, cause he was going to liberate the cats, right? Yeah. Here's another one. Violent crime. Very funny. Does that look like having fun to you?

No, it doesn't. I don't know. I guess it's, I guess that's what it is now. I'm just gonna stop talking about it. Well, it's either, you know, stop talking about it or this shit, but I don't know how it's, I don't know how the rest of the show is going to be impacted. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

Okay, let me see here. Mnemonic says, nearly four hours of Vito, save me Mario. Riley, don't save him. Dick, he'd be creeping on the low. Riley, don't save him. Yeah, that's pretty funny. I haven't seen that. Oh yeah, I showed you that song.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Gravedigger says, I did more digging. Here is about the qubit math. Oh yeah, like old units of measurement. Yeah, apparently it's called greatminds.org. Eureka Math. Eureka Math, an elementary, middle, and high school math curriculum.

Eureka Math is a math program designed to advance equity in the math classroom by helping students build enduring math knowledge. Do we know when it says equity it means like weird racist shit? Yeah. That's what it... yeah. Yeah. How Eureka math builds knowledge... God kids are so fucked. How Eureka math builds knowledge. Knowledge that lasts. Eureka math is meticulously coherent with an intense focus on key concepts that layer over blah blah blah blah blah. Okay, so they're rolling this out for everybody. Students develop conceptual understandings and it looks like normal bullshit.

But they still agree on like basic math principles, right? I mean, is, you know, we're not talking, there's not a new answer for like five times four or anything, right? Is there? I think there is. I think you can, if you know it in your brain right away, you have to do weird steps that give a wrong answer sometimes. Just leveling there, okay.

Because like you have to cut numbers in half and add them in a way that is a process instead of something that you intuitively know because they think intuitive knowledge is is Bad and needs to be retrained with Procedural steps, which is of course stupid interesting Yeah, okay Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah a a lot of, a lot of stuff.

Play the super, yeah, yeah, yeah. This hurt me in my soul. Hey, Dick, this hurt me in my soul. Woman alert. Woman alert. Woman alert. Woman alert. Let's see here.

Surely not. Are you skipping paragraphs while reading? This is a woman talking about oh and she reads there's a pair if there's a long paragraph she skips it. If there's a paragraph this big I'm skipping it. Uh, how many of them you think are doing that while they're reading? Are they just like skipping paragraphs? You know, you'd have to, you'd have to give everybody a reading comprehension test afterwards. They're going to fail. I mean, I have a prediction.

Uh, here's another one. Woman alert. Tommy, a bloody good period. Decolonizing menstruation, an introduction. Yeah, boy. Okay. Here we go. What the fuck is this? Decolonizing, menstruation? Most of Diana's careers? These are words that I could never have predicted would end up anywhere near each other in a paper, let alone a sentence.

Menstruation? And decolonization? Has it been colonized? I guess. Decolonizing menstruation aims to create menstrual equity and end period shame focused within the unique circumstances of black, indigenous, and people of color. You need menstrual equity?

I'm really... Yeah. Communities in England and Wales. Oh, okay. We did this through a series of creative workshops. You know, maybe it's like for immigrants. I'm really... yeah. Communities in England and Wales. Oh, okay. We did this through a series of creative workshops. Oh, you know, maybe it's like for immigrants. Maybe they have like weird, like Middle Eastern... Oh, you mean like cuss, like...

Like it's like evil, you know? Oh. Like they'll lock a woman in a room or something if she's menstruating. That's probably... Maybe they have really... That's probably somewhere. Ah, okay. You might be right. Maybe that's what this is for.

You might be right. Huh, it involved a series of six tales. I wish they would just say that. Instead of like, this is a BIPOC, like, is it? Yeah. Is it a BIPOC? Or is it like bringing like, a little bit of science to something?

Yeah, we connected these individuals. Yeah. That's interesting. Ah, yeah, refugees for some, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I think it is. Well, that's interesting. I yeah refugees for some yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I think. Yeah, that's good Yes, that's good I think so Rev says it's crazy to me how he doesn't get the point mitten Riley We're making at the end of call to and hey man the whole thing was crazy

Out for smoke says videos Maddox to fatter gay or squeal here. I mean, I don't I Don't he may Snap out. I mean, I don't. I don't, he may snap out. I mean, it's just. Yeah, maybe he'll snap out. Yeah, I mean, I think he's just stressed about like, whatever and that is, you can completely, like in my opinion, overreact to, but again, I don't know what happened to the guy

or what he's thinking about, what he really thinks is possible. JP says, up there for the best episode of all time, bar none, hot guy, celebrity guest in a cliffhanger, do not stop. Oh, thank you. Psychonautical says, I took acid and listened to this week's dick show today and the lady and I have been howling whenever we hear Riley yelling in the background, fucking love it, come to the Poconos cabin next guys. In the Poconos. Ooh. Chet Hammer says neither Mint or Riley should be allowed to interact with people. They clearly do not understand that there are lines you don't cross.

Plus they're awful people. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So here's somebody who, like you said, you said a lot of people hate him, but I would love to hear an example, because I don't know, I would love to hear an example

of like what makes him or them like an awful person. And what lines has he crossed? Yeah, you know when people hate people and they can't really give you like a clear answer why? Well, maybe he can, he didn't there. But like, I mean, that would be, I'd be interested to hear it. And maybe he would give something that I'd go like,

oh yeah, you shouldn't have done that. I think it's gonna be mostly focused on like being like attention whores, quote unquote, and all this other shit. I hate Taylor Swift's chumps. You're great. Sean, this is what I want. I know.

This is, now we're back. I hate Taylor Swift. Yeah, me too. Fuck Taylor Swift. Fuck Swifties. They're crazy. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Fuck you. Oh yeah? Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha in the background was just complete theater. Yeah. I was on a stream, because some guy, it's men who are, men really like to split hairs, like, well, you know, you can't, this is seriously, and a woman was on there, Cherry was on there, this girl. And I said, when you are feeling threatened by somebody, you don't act like this.

Like, this is just like all a big comedy performance. It's all a joke. This is not how you behave when you feel threatened. And he's like, oh, oh, oh, and she goes, oh yeah, some guy sent me a video of what is, I think he's like raping someone. And I don't, I didn't go online and like talk about how I would like, this causes a boundary and all this shit.

Like I just, you know, reported and ignore it. That's an actual real threat. This is like retarded horseshit. Yeah, you would want to get that to people and talk to people who could like, prevent crazy stuff from happening. Oh, here we go. Sean's Animal Corner.

Oh. Oh! Sean's Animal Corner. Oh. Oh! Oh! Oh! Do do do do. Shawn's Animal Corner. Shawn O'Connell says, Shawn's Animal Corner. Did you know that in the fall, squirrels' brains grow 15% larger to help them remember where they buried their nuts? No. You didn't know that? No, that they actually, really?

Yeah, okay. That's one for Sean, the fan. That's very interesting. Cause I know they do know. I mean, it's- Yeah, their brains grow. I'll be damned. What the fuck?

Wow. Ducklings can engage in cannibalistic behaviors due to boredom, usually in tandem with aggravating conditions such as overcrowding or poor ventilation. I've never known ducklings to eat each other. Whoa, okay, that's two. Maybe you're gonna walk away with a skunk here.

He's already a winner. I think it's happened before. Three, when rats are very happy, they grind their teeth together, causing their eyes to bulge in and out. This is known as boggling. Now I have heard about the teeth grinding. I don't know what the eyes,

and I don't know, I didn't know why they did it. Like that's where I have, I don't know if I heard somebody say that or, I mean, it's a partial, probably at basketball. Do you know, like what was the context that you heard it in? Or who were they a rat owner or something? Was it a woman? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They were a rat owner. Okay, that's definitely a, I'm gonna give you a block on that one. So two, two oh. So you didn't get skunked that one, but it's a good win for Sean O'Connell. Remember send me three animal facts. And it's interesting, because you do see rats sometimes,

and their eyes are more bulgy than other times. I've noticed that where I'm like, wow, this rat's eyes are almost popping out of its head. It could be happy, because they do, you know, there's a rat, a wild rat is very different from a domesticated rat. Oh really? Oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? Like their hormones and everything are very different. Like they are raised to be pets, like what they call fancy rats. Oh, okay. That's what that means? Yeah.

I've seen fancy rat. Yeah, they are. I thought it meant gay. No, that term is a line of domesticated rats. Yeah. There's quite a few differences in the aggression levels. And they do, it's kind of sad because they only live a few years, kind of at best.

And they're intelligent little animals. Rats. Yeah, they got little personalities. And I know it's, I just, I would never want a pet that, you know, doesn't live that long. Yeah. If it's going to live a short life, I want to be the one to kill it, you know, I mean,

cause it had it coming. Okay. That's the end of Sean's episode. Thank you Sean for writing in. Spider says, I can't believe I'm about episode. Thank you, Sean, for writing in. Spider says, I can't believe I'm about to defend Vito, but it finally happened. I get it. Oinktober and the other weight-related bits are now long-running jokes.

Dickhead's turning up to Vito's house like he's Dragon Lord to do a bit with Drive Him Insane. I don't want anyone turning up to anybody's house. No, no. Vito's not handling it well, which I think shows how deeply he got spooked. Dick, I wish Vito could see that you're trying to help him. Ah, yeah.

Yeah. Thanks and always go fuck yourself and spooch yourself, John. Yeah. Well, you know. Yeah. Well. Can't help people. No, you know. Usually gets you in trouble.

Yeah, I mean, they have to, sometimes they have to come around. Yeah. You know, it's not, not everybody's ready to hear everything. Even if it's the stone truth and they're completely off base, you just don't wanna hear it.

Yeah. You just don't wanna hear it. Maybe he'll come around and we can get back to doing the normal show. I hope so. Let me see. Johnny Rocket sends this in. It's how to punch up a script with Maddox.

Do you want to hear that? Sure. Okay. How to punch up a script. Johnny Rocket with the AI stuff. I don't know. I don't know which he's got. Maddox writing.

Are they in a certain order? Okay, he's got them in different names. This one's one. Okay. Hello, dickheads. As you all know, I, Maddox, am a great writer, a New York Times bestselling author, I write good. What you may not know, unless you're one of my stalkers,

is that I was contacted by MasterClass to teach a writing class. How to punch up a script with Maddox is what the hypothetical class would have been called, because I am a master of the written word. Unfortunately, part of their gross contract was I would have to put ads for Masterclass on my website. No deal.

Not cross in that Rubicon river. However, that doesn't mean the world shouldn't hear my great ideas on improving some classics that haven't aged so gracefully. It will also prove I am a better writer than a certain podcaster. One who is beneath my notice. I am referring to Sean, who is an asshole.

Okay, so first up is a title you may not have heard of if it wasn't for Amazon. J.R.R. Token's Lord of the Ah Rings. It basically invented the fantasy genre. It is an inspiring tale of friendship, the ultimate underdog story, where vertically challenged nobodies team up with Magneto to defeat the ultimate evil. Sauron, a big fiery butthole. Great stuff.

However, there's a pretty big issue in Lord of the Rings and it stems from Token being a man of his time. There's a reason why internet... I actually thought this was really Maddox for a second. Yeah. The big fiery butthole shit, that's good. Normal comedy. He does say stuff like that.

Yeah, teamed up with Magneto. Used to. Yeah, this could be an article. Racists use Lord of the Rings for their memes. I'll say this. It's harder to do this than people think it is. Yeah. For him to write like this. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I agree. There are these evil man-like creatures called Orcs.

Every single one of them is evil. Meaning, Token believes there were evil races. Yikes! As you may know, I'm not racist, but well, we all know who the orcs are supposed to be. And personally, after October 7th, I can't stand that racist subtext anymore. In my Lord of the Rings, the orcs are not evil.

They were tricked by Sauron. It's funny. Of course. Yeah, funny. Podcast. Then Sam and Frodo make a call out documentary. The orcs watch it and realize they are in the wrong. And the orcs join the winning team. That way all races live in harmony. And Sauron still gets his just desserts. Thank God Token's son George RR Martin didn't make his own fantasy series races. He made it smarter. And also it had boobies. Okay, so this is the master class on how to punch up a script.

Because I'm not racist, and Tolkien was racist. Now for Bram Stroker's Dracula. Everybody knows Dracula, everybody be bramming their stroker. Bram Stroker's... I got those, it's Stoker. Yeah. Dracula drinks blood and is a bad guy. He's a vampire. Do I need to explain what a vampire is to you, idiot?

The fucked up part is Dracula is a vampire who does not respect when you set boundaries. If you call dibs on a girl, he doesn't respect that. In the book, Dracula has a guy help him move to Britain and then the guy realizes Dracula is a Dracula. Then that guy realizes Dracula is trying to bang his girlfriend. It is a timeless horror story.

It sends shivers down any sane man's spine. I don't want some guy banging my girlfriend. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Some of you probably love watching that statistically speaking, but to me that is really weird and upsetting. I think to make Dracula a more real story, all the characters should be men. Then it becomes a real parable about a guy who loves a guy, but this sicko Dracula is trying to give him vampirism, which is a metaphor for AIDS

Okay now for Moby Dick the tale about a pirate obsessively chasing a white whale that took his girlfriend I mean leg ahab is after the evil Mexican whale and the pursuit cost him everything. A huge problem with the book is it is a revenge tale that condemns revenge. What? We're just supposed to let Moby Dick ruin our lives. The whale took Ahab's leg. Ahab wasn't doing anything wrong.

You need both legs to be a sailor and yet this fucking whale is just allowed to ruin his livelihood. I don't think so. Moby Masterson, I mean Dick Dick. I mean Moby Dick has it coming. Fuck that evil lying whale. Ahab should get a medal and money and bitches

for destroying that menace to society. Also the book lacks diversity. The perfected version of Moby Dick should have Ahab learn to throw spears better, ideally from a wise old black guy. Also all the babes love Ahab. Ahab gets revenge. Everybody loves his podcast

and Moby Dick Masterson is forgotten. Fuck whales. Yeah. Fuck whales. I got it. Uh, okay. Last one. Finally, we have the giving tree.

See, in the original- He's punching up famous literary works. Yeah. It's not how to punch up a script. It's how I could have written these better. Better. Yeah. Yeah, that's good.

Yeah. What a great class that would be. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. What a great class that would be. Oh yeah, oh man. Okay. Well, especially because he would misunderstand the original intent in almost all cases. Yeah. For Awesome Tree gives this kid everything.

The kid keeps getting stuff from the tree and the kid is ungrateful. Then the tree dies. It makes no sense. The kid doesn't even say thank you. The tree dies. And I guess we are

Supposed to feel bad for the tree and the kid that is fucking retarded the kids should die and the tree should grow bigger Huge so fucking huge fuck that kid But uh not literally the kids should die though for stealing from the super smart tree and condemning it to section 8 housing also fuck the trees friend Sean Got it. Oh, this has been a master class of that is definitely a master class pretty good. Yeah, pretty good Okay. Thank you. Johnny does Consistently good stuff. We're trying to figure out how else to do, you know other types of Maddox things.

AI things. Oh yeah? The stories are good, but also, like, here's some master classes, like, here's how I would cook, that kind of thing. Yeah. I think it's got legs. Ummmm... Elliot says you gotta see this, it's Peak Woman.

Alert shit, okay. Woman alert. Let's see... Woman alert. Mmm-hmm. Elliot. Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. Uh...

How the fuck much stuff do I have here? Jesus. Too much stuff. Dang it. That sucks that Madison wouldn't, couldn't come in. Oh, have you seen this, Sean? No. This is crazy. So this is a game.

This is some sort of a contest. Yeah. Where they have a couple here, a man and a woman. And they are looking at five bottles with a different color of liquid in them. They are looking at five bottles with a different color of liquid in them. Blue, pink, green, orange, and red. And they're matched with, and they can't see this.

They're matched with the same colored bottles underneath it that they can't see. So their job is to swap the bottles and then try to line them up. But they can't see it. They can't see anything, but somebody will say how many bottles are in the correct space. So they can say how many are right,

and then they can move them around. They can say, oh, they say how many are right now. So it's like a process of like deductive elimination to get, you know? Got it. Right? So this is, this is how it goes. This is what they mean when they say marriage is hard.

Zero acierto. So as they said, none are correct, right? And then the guy does it. Zero acierto. None are correct. And the woman moves it. Un acierto. One is correct.

See that green one? One is correct. So it's one of those two is correct, right? Yes. So the guy goes, okay. So the guy moves one of the two that are just moved to test which one is the correct one, right? And he says one is correct.

Yeah. Okay, so the guy points it out that that's the correct one. And she says one's still correct because he moved the other one. He's go, okay, that one's gotta be the right one. Right, because he's still saying one is correct. And then what does she do her hand on it? No, she's mixed it up completely So he puts it back. No lo regreo. Y el verde que va aquí. He's got his hands on his hips.

Cero acierto. She mixed them all up, jumbled them all up. So he's like, okay, I abandoned that one. I'm just going to start over somewhere else. He should have two correct. But now she's... Un acierto. He's picked two different ones to move.

Because he's like in his mind, he's like, okay, whatever. I know the green goes there. She's fixated on this. Yeah, so I'll move it. He got another one lucky, right? Yeah. And he's going to start the same thing over. Uh-huh.

And she just swapped the two. Wait, was she... You can make multiple moves? Yeah. Okay. Don't touch it! Don't touch it. Oh my God. Yeah. You can make multiple moves? Yeah, okay. Don't touch it! Don't touch it! Oh my god.

Oh no. Oh no. She's getting insistent too. I can't believe that he hasn't hit her. I just clothes Coseliner, kick the whole table over. I don't know if this is even real, but... But, you know, that's in the back of my mind too. Cero acierto. Bien. Vamos bien. Bien? Si, porque estoy haciendo un descartamiento. Un acierto. Un acierto quiere ser como un puro.

She's doing the wrong thing every time. Yeah. Well... I don't know. Again, could be. Could be fake. If it's fake, then that woman is a traitor to her gender for making such a believable idiotic, you know? I mean, it does look, the little interaction does look.

The frustration seems real. It does, it does. Okay. FHA occupancy fraud. Hey, Dick, you mentioned on the show, there's a high rate of owner occupancy fraud with FHA loans. Do you have a link to me to read more about it? Yes, it's at google.com.

You just go ahead and type FHA occupancy fraud or FHA occupancy fraud. There you go. And it'll happen to pop right up here. There it is, first motley fool right there. Or any of these. Falsifying status gets new criminal. Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, out of control. Look, if there's a way, you know, if there's a way, there's gonna be people who try to take it, there's always gonna be that type of person in anything. They're gonna look for it. Let's see here. Oh, advice. Here we go.

Oh, okay. Yeah. This guy's written in with some advice before, I think. All right. Hey, I have known... Oh, let me get the title of this. Okay. I forgot the title. Oh, God.

What will we do about the biggest problem? You know, I really don't want like a target on our backs. Well, the thin skin, you can't, you can dish it out, but you can't take it is like a stigma that you can't ever live down. You've got to do a lot to prove it, I think. You know, it's like the first impression. Well, it's like a, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah.

To, you know. I really don't want that. No, well, no, it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work, I yeah, yeah, yeah, to, you know. I really don't want that. No, well, no, it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work, I think, to try to go like, no, that's, you know. That's like death. Like, oh yeah. I mean, you're on, you know, it's the type of show

that it is, like, you should be able to take that, because that's, you know. Yeah, you should be able to take that. And then if you can't, it has like a ripple effect. Blub blub blub blub blub. Yeah. People are telling me to just shut up about it, but... You know.

That's not... Kind of thinking long-term here. That's not really your thing. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah. Uh, after... He'll just stop talking about it.

Just stop talking about it. Like, okay, then what if someone's being an asshole? And you're like, oh, that guy's sure being an idiot. Like, uh, yeah, he really can't take a joke, I guess. That other guy. Then I look like a hypocrite. I don't know. How close is his comic book to being done?

I mean, it's- I gotta fucking finish that thing. I don't know. Something tells me that a big load will be off his mind when his comic is done. I feel bad about it because I've been kind of an asshole in other areas, but this is not... Advice after my friend taking SSRIs. After my friend started taking SSRIs,

he said manic episodes where he insults me over hundreds of texts. Oh boy. We've known each other for three years since our freshman year of college. I'm writing this after he's done it for the second time. We got in a small argument and he completely blows up and sends me hundreds of messages

about how big a piece of shit I am. Whoa. Last time he did this the next morning he apologized and blamed his SSRIs. Is that possible? Will it fucking fry your brain like that? Look, I would say that something, I can't say that that's not possible. Now SSRIs, are they SSRIs or is it it something that is stimulant based? Is he mixing with like a shitload of liquor?

Because a lot of people say they're on SSRIs and they're like, oh yeah, I'm also pounding like a couple Xanax for fun and that and all. Correlation causation things. Look, I mean, yeah, I mean, the medication or dosage, if indeed that's what's causing it Yeah, I mean, the medication or dosage, if indeed that's what's causing it, is obviously very, very wrong. If he never exhibited like these symptoms before.

That's very- How do you make somebody stop though? I've never heard of that. Yeah. But it doesn't mean that that hasn't happened in a special case or whatnot. Just like cat eating. After the second time, I'm not sure how to react

because all the things he's saying feel like real grievances he's had with me. I don't wanna be friends with anyone if they're gonna act like this, but to completely exclude this person for my life seems like a very gay and girlish thing to do. Why would that be gay or girlish? No, that's-

Some homeless person on the street shouting vulgarities at you, you're not like- Gonna sit there and- It would be gay if I didn't tolerate this homeless guy schizophrenically screaming at me on the street. Yeah, he doesn't understand. Like what he's saying is gay is just like a boundary. Like, dude, I got no time for you like this.

I don't have the time for this. Figure yourself out. Yeah, hit me up later when your meds like level out. Yeah, when you stabilize things or whatnot. I mean, it's generally it's not, it's not, cause it seems like this is like aggressive behavior. Yeah. Which is very not normal.

It's annoying to get surprised like all this a ton of negative shit I'm like what the fuck that I do over here. Yeah Should I let it go or just stop hanging around this person and lose one of my best friends? Just like what is he said in response? Yeah, pause it. Just put a pause on it. No, it's good advice Put a pause on this. Look, so's going on, somehow your whole demeanor has changed and I'm not gonna be a party to it. Yeah, yeah. That's it.

I gotta take a break from you. And you don't, you know what? Three months, a month. And you don't owe him any more than that. No, and it's also- You don't have to hang in there and help him fix it. You don't. You might want to.

Maybe you do. But remember, in a case like this, sometimes no good deed goes unpunished. So, you know, yeah, it's gay slash girlish is not the way to look at it. Girlish, girls hang on to every toxic relationship they have ever had in their fucking lives.

Their entire identities, a lot of women, their entire identity is a gestalt of all of their ongoing toxic relationships and all the toxic relationships they've ever had. That's all they are. They sit in them, they stew in them, they think about them, they obsess about them, they tolerate them, they regurgitate them, they cannot, and they refuse to move on. Well, that stuff can become an identity. Yeah. I mean, absolutely. That's the most, the most girlish thing you can do

is tolerate this shit that you don't like. Yeah, you're not supposed to tolerate abuse. Yeah. That's, you're just, you're not supposed to. Move on. Come back later. I got it, you're sorry, I'm sorry too, I don't, come back later. I got it, you're sorry. I'm sorry too, it's just too much for me.

It's the whole thing. Give me a month off. The fact that it's happened a couple of times. Once, I mean, who the fuck knows? I mean, I don't know. People can do, usually my brain here, when it's something like that, goes to stimulants. Yeah.

And that's- Mixing, you mean. Yeah, well, I mean, just, you know, whether it's Adderall, Dextroamphetamine. Kids are taking wild shit. Something like that. It gets you extremely motivated and agitated, it can. So, you know, it just kind of comes out. Hey, Dick, you're completely right about working out. Here's, and let us know how it goes.

Take a month off. You don't even have to tell them, just take the month off. You're completely right about working out. Hey, Dick, this is the guy who said you were right about working out. I am down to 180. I'm on my way down to 150. I keep working out, gaining muscle and losing fat.

I have an unrelated request for some advice that I hope you or Sean can help me out with. There's a girl I like who has a messed up past. Oh, yeah. She's from, she's for the streets. She belongs to the streets. She was doing fine, but recently started stripping. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. This is the second girl in my history. She was doing fine. Everything was fine. She just decided to start stripping. Right. You know.

For the experience. Cause it's fun. Yeah. Well, I mean, so he, but he said, you know, messed up past. So he's not, he's not blind to why this is happening. Well, you never know. Well. Cause they can give you half and then.

This is true. This is the second girl in my history that I have seen with this. I can't stop, that I have seen with this with, they just start stripping? Well. What the fuck? Does he mean stripping or just like behavior

that like he would prefer not to have in a, you know. Well, we all have that. I can't stop wanting to try and figure out a way to help her out. What are you talking about? Half of songs are written about this, from Elvis to fucking Tupac. What are you doing?

Our culture has been developed just to stop what you're about to do. My friends, there's probably some Plato aphorisms on it. My friends are telling me to just let it go, but I can't. So wait, he's dating her? He's dating her? You're dating her? Why would your friends tell you to let it go?

Why would a man's friends ever say, why would they side with the woman? And unlike something my girlfriend's doing, you're 100% right. First of all, let me say, before you tell me what it is, let me tell you something, I agree. There are some things to let go.

There are some things to not let go. I mean, I would say this is on the larger side of things. I would say that this could indicate some problems down the road, if not right now. Yeah, imagine how annoying she's gonna be with the car thermostat if she's already stripping, you don't like it. I know they're right. They're not right! Your friends are not righter than you!

What are you kidding me? Well, but a lot of people don't have the confidence in themselves. Like they don't know, maybe the way he was raised, he doesn't, you know, there was no real clear, like you can very easily think that like, oh, I'm just making too big a deal of this. I guess.

And you're like kind of, yeah, you can, I'm sure you don't relate to that, which is good. Maybe I'm making a big deal about the, Yeah, where you're like, no, yeah, you could, I'm sure you don't relate to that, which is good. Maybe I'm making a big deal about this. Yeah, where you're like, no, no, no, it's important. Like, I know you say, well, it matters to me and that's all that matters. That's all that matters. And you're, and guess what?

You're right. Yeah. You're right. I know they're right. It just bothers me when I haven't tried to get her to stop. Well. What do you mean get her to stop? It bothers him that he hasn't tried. Tried to get her to stop. Well, what do you mean get her to stop? It bothers him that he hasn't tried. Tried to get her to stop.

So he feels, you wanna stop her or do you wanna tell her it bothers you? He feels like a little like chicken shit that he hasn't like had this conversation with her. Like he's, Yeah, you gotta, Yeah, you gotta be ready to walk away.

Well, you're gonna be, yeah. You're gonna get resentment, you know, building up if it's not there already. Yeah, and then you wreck your podcast. Hahahaha. If, if, you know, at some point someone will get vetoed to stop stripping. Next thing you know, you're blending your girlfriend up in a blender. Yeah. You don't want to be there, do you?

No. That's a bad time. Um, I'm not a prude about it. I'm just sure she isn't surrounded by good people. Bro, it's just pimps and Johns and drug dealers. Listen, slippers are rolling on Molly all fucking night to get through that shit. Your instincts are good on this. Now he's gonna, you know, he's gonna- Don't give me that shit though.

I'm trying to save her. Like you don't want her to strip. That's, you don't need- don't put a bunch of bullshit around it. He's trying to talk himself out of confronting her about it. He's trying to talk him, he's trying to talk her into an intervention instead of just saying, I don't like this. Stop. I need you to stop doing it or I'm out of here. Correct. That's it. That's called a fucking boundary. And you have, that's right. And you have- That's what a real boundary is. You have to follow through on it. Doesn't mean you hate- Well you don't,

but you're not gonna like it. If you, well, look, if you actually feel that way, I mean, if you wanna bluff, then go ahead and try it. Go ahead and bluff. Go ahead and try it. If you wanna bluff, we could talk, you know, you could really get nasty, but I don't think you're gonna want to do that. Right. I'm not a prude about it. You're not a prude about your girlfriend being a stripper?

You're not supposed to be like okay with everything. I don't think that's being a prude. Right. Prude is like that skirts too short. You know? Yeah. Don't look at my like Peter Griffin. This one goes out to all the ladies out there. And he walks up the aisle and punches a guy in the face. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not imprudent about it. That's a great, that's a great scene. Uh, do you like it?

No, he obviously doesn't. He obviously doesn't, right? No. I'm just sure she isn't surrounded by good people. No, she's doesn't. He obviously doesn't. No. Right? Okay. I'm just sure she isn't surrounded by good people. No, she's surrounded by bad people. Yeah. Yep.

Yeah. We're trying to use her. Yeah. Manipulators, predators, people who take advantage of other people who are fucked up. That industry is barely above human trafficking. A whisper above human trafficking. There's no good can come from that. It's not good.

No. No. And if she's going to survive in it, it's going to- Be bad. It's going to be, yeah. And it's going to be, she's going to develop characteristics that you don't want to be in a relationship with. I'm going out with a flight attendant this Monday. Wait, what?

I'm going out with a flight attendant this Monday. So he's, what? I'm going out with a flight attendant Same email? This Monday after. So he's not really. Oh, so you're not really dating her? Oh, okay. You just want to save. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Did he say I'm dating a? I have an unrelated, there's a girl I like. Oh, oh, oh, see I forgot the first sentence. Okay. Well, everything we said applies. Yeah, but, but you can stop it. I mean- If you're not dating her, you can stop it.

That all that shit is a lie about, you can't turn a hooker into a housewife or whatever. You can, but you gotta, you know, you gotta commit. You gotta go through a housebreaking phase. Well, yeah, but that behavior, like that, whatever that judgment is that she does, it's in there. Yeah, I've seen it work though.

I have to say I have seen it work. But for how long? Forever. Yeah, like what, they just became a wife? But you gotta stop it before it starts. No, strippers and whores understand money and stuff in a way that women don't. And that's a lot to say in their favor.

Because they're like, I busted my ass for $150. I know exactly how much that's worth. But that doesn't fix the person. There will be things that, oh, there's something that's going on the person like that will like there will be not all broken there will be things that oh There's something that's going on like this. There's something there's something in there whether they know it or not I I agree, but there's something fucked up in a lot of people Of course, I'm not gonna say they're not all equal. They're not all equal Fucked upness to I can't I can't in good conscience say that there's something broken about them that you can't fix,

because I've seen both sides of this relationship, strippers who've gone normal and guys who fell for strippers who've gone normal, and they're totally happy. In fact, they're better off than like normal people who work in a fucking desk job and just fucking hate each other. I'm gonna say- I really don't- I really can't say it's a bad idea. I'll accept that you can probably always find an exception if you look hard enough. Yeah. Like it's, sure, possible, sure.

Cause sometimes women just don't have a safety net. Like I don't have a choice. Like I just don't have any fucking parents and I got nothing. Yeah, and you hope that that world doesn't grab you permanently. And some of them know that. Yeah.

They're like, I gotta get out of here before. Yeah, oh yeah, sure, there are. You gotta figure it out if that's what you're dealing with. Yeah, yeah, and that's, you know. Like there are some that are actually going to veterinarian school. Oh no, I know, I know. You gotta suss out, like are you going to, you're gonna be a doctor or a vet? Because if you're going to doctor, I don't believe you.

Yeah. If you're going to ITT Tech to get a phlebotomy degree, I believe you. Yeah, right. Okay, okay. I'm going out with a flight attendant this Monday after she gets back from Barcelona. And she seems fantastic and she seems like she really likes me as well. A bunch of fortuitous quick consecutive events led to her sitting next to me and we hit it off. I guess my question is how do I stop this urge to help someone in what is obviously a low point in their life? Oh okay I gotta, oh this girl's great but I gotta help this fucking poor. I gotta

get in there and fix this fucking- you should go to the homeless shelter where all the men are all the men that are like down on their luck since you like helping people so much and help one of them you know since you got such a big problem with helping quote-unquote people yeah and not hot strippers I want to fuck right yeah go there's don't worry there's plenty of people that need help plenty of people that need help just give that a give that need help. Just give that a, try helping someone that you don't want to put your penis inside of. Well, it'll really kind of put a mirror up to your motives. Yeah.

You know, like, well, try it with a, you know, except for a hot stripper chick, do it with a smelly homeless guy. I feel like I'd become a complete asshole if I didn't do what I could to help her out. That sounds like she's doing fine Well, I mean, uh, come on laugh dances are expensive enough already, man You don't need to take away the supply and fuck everybody over. I know my friend is right

I quote she will drag you to hell with her But I can't help feeling like she is drowning and someone needs to help her. No, no, no, I don't think so Yeah, or has she already drowned helping it unless you are a crazy strong swimmer, helping a drowning person by you being there and letting them climb onto you is a terrible, terrible idea. Any lifeguard will tell you that. Because they will, they're panicking. Yeah.

And they will fucking drown you. Yeah. You give them something to grab onto maybe, throw them something that floats. Or has she already drowned? Do not go over there and give them something to grab onto maybe, throw them something that floats. Or has she already drowned? Do not go over there and give them a piggyback ride to shore because you will fucking die. I had almost forgot about this girl and what are we missing? How big were her tits?

I know. I was going to say it. There's always something in the men's minds when they don't tell me how big the tits are. Always a hang up. Always some kind of hang up that they're not being honest with me about. Or is she already drowned? I had almost forgot about this girl when I found out about this.

P.S. Is this the point where I ask unanswerable question of why are people like this? Thanks for everything, Tom. Dude. Well, they gotta eat. What do you mean why are people like this? Why people choose, there's so many reasons. Like, I mean, you know, it's just, but you gotta, you gotta deal with what is.

Yeah. What it is. You know, Jesus Christ, a strong swimmer. Great stripper. Great stripper. He only helped one whore, you know? So how many are you gonna failistically- That we know about, yeah.

But yeah, sure, I mean- I don't even know if she stopped being a whore. He's just friends with her. It doesn't, does it say in the Bible, and then she stopped whoring? I don't know. I don't think so. Yeah, I haven't heard that, but- I haven't Does it say in the Bible? And then she stopped whoring. I don't know. I don't think so. Yeah, I haven't heard that, but.

I haven't heard that part of the Bible. I think that part was just that like, you know, like it's about judging and things like that, you know, he was equal opportunity, you know. Yeah, stop judging so much. Didn't turn his back on, you know, on really anybody. Be more like me and Jesus. Stop judging.

Right. Okay, do we have time for a fat watch? Fat watch today in fat news. Okay. This is from Hippo Juice. A Dutch physical therapist asked if she... Asked her. Oh yeah, asked her if she tore her Achilles tendon by standing up too fast because she's morbidly obese.

Instead of taking that as a wake-up call, she posted an entire co-possession. Okay, so she tore her Achilles tendon. Standing up. Standing up. Okay. You know, I took, when I ruptured my distal tendon on my bicep, I took that as a warning to like relax.

Just, yeah. Yeah, that my joints are not what they used to be. Don't bowl. You're bowling, right? Bowling. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I gotta, alright, I gotta calm down. I'm gonna do more. Maybe lift less weights, don't go so hard, that kind of thing.

Cut back to bowling to once every six years or so. Because I'm sure you bowl, you know, every week right now. Right. Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm just going to underhand two handed now. Yeah. No, no crazy stuff. No Fred Flintstone jokes anymore.

There you go. What morbid obesity looks like according. Oh, so the doctor called her morbidly obese cause she's stood up and tore her tendon and now she's angry about it. Yeah. I went to see a physical therapist because I recently tore my Achilles tendon while kickboxing and he asked me if I tore it by simply standing up because I'm clearly morbidly obese. For the record, my BMI is nowhere near morbidly obese. My BMI is nowhere near morbidly obese, I don't know about that.

Do I need to refill the tank before I drive there or can I get there? I don't have to stop for gas between you and morbidly obese, I think. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know about that one, honey. A Dutch physical therapist. This is what morbid obesity looks like.

Now, did I spend the last year so physically ill that I needed a wheelchair and couldn't even walk up a flight of stairs? Yes, I did. Was that because I was morbidly obese? No, it was not. It was because my boyfriend almost killed me. Did I get-

Damn. Jesus Christ. Were you kickboxing him? So she took up kickboxing, tore her tendon on the first day. The Kelly's tendon, he goes, oh, obviously you just- Did you tear it getting up? Right, tore her tendon on the first day. He goes, oh, obviously you just... Did you tear it getting up? Right, you got up from the couch to go to the freezer

for ice cream, clearly, because you're morbidly obese. You passed out eating gravy fries, and you got up too fast to get a towel, right? To get seasoning before... What a great doctor. Physical therapist, is that what you... I don't know what she said. Gain weight because of that year that I was sedentary and couldn't do anything.

Yeah, I absolutely did. Have I already lost 20 pounds and gained a lot of muscle back in three months? I have indeed, but. Did she gain 20 pounds of muscle, do you think? She lost 20 pounds of fat and gained 20 pounds of muscle. Well. That's how it works sometimes. To these women.

Yeah, I know. You know. I'm the same weight, but it's because I gained so these women. Yeah, I know. You know, I'm the same weight, but it's cause I gained so much muscle. Yeah. No. I'm morbidly obese, apparently. Okay.

All right, well, you know. Sorry that happened to you. Wait, according to a six foot five, 135 pound Dutch man, what does he have, cancer? Uh, I don't, I think she's just guesstimating on that. I mean, could be, but what if it's- Six five, 135. What if it's true?

I don't think she had the doctor's weight more high on hand. I don't think that he's, I don't think that she's got access to his medical records. I don't think that could be really possible unless there's something... Slenderman. Unless there's something really wrong with him. Yeah. She's body shaming him. I mean...

By saying he's too skinny. The real... this for the robot engineer, the real itself is embarrassing, but the comments on it are spot on. Okay. Let's see here. When your friend owns a gym, but it must shut down because not enough people know about it. All right. What could be wrong with this? If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently Don't pretend that you don't want me

Our love ain't water under the bridge Oh, I see. It's an ad for a gym, but the woman's chunky, so all the comments are really mean about it. That's a vegan starting a meat market. If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently The results speak for themselves. a meat market. If you're gonna let me down, let me down. The results speak for themselves. Don't pretend that you don't want me. Our love ain't what I'm.

That's the gym owner bit or is that? I guess, yeah. Maybe you should work out in it sometime. Don't try to let me down, Jen. Yeah. This is the worst advertisement for a gym I've ever seen. I mean, uh... You need to calm down.

These women have a lot on their plate. Oh! It's just the focal point. It, you know... Maybe somebody else should have maybe taken the lead on that one. Yeah, like some... Like in the people you hired. Oh, yeah, in the front. I I mean just one one of them. I mean cuz they're all different sizes Yeah, you know like they're actually dressed like an 80s professional rest. She really that's absolutely first thing I thought

It's like a bad wrestling Wonder Woman costume or something shower snacks Looks like they have a lot on their plate Eating in the shower. That's a new one. I haven't heard that before Yeah. Looks like they have a lot on their plate. Eating in the shower. That's a new one. I haven't heard that before. Okay. Yeah.

Very good. Okay. Um, the robot engineer. What here's fat models. Why do they put themselves on display like this? I don't know. Oh, oh, what is this? That's, huh.

Yes, this will upset some people, she says. Was she recently pregnant? Pregnant? That's because- What the fuck? I think she may have had a baby or something. Yeah, that's what it looks like. The rest of her, it's very odd to have a jiggly belly when the rest of her, like it's, it's, it's, that's an, it's very odd to have like a jiggly belly when the rest of her looks pretty model-esque.

Okay. So that's the thing now. Women are showing off their post pregnancy body. Cause that's the new meta. Well, look, I mean, look at her belly. I mean, it's clearly, it's stretched out, right? She definitely just had a baby and now she's walking down the, are they going to show her prolapsed asshole?

Oh God. This will upset, yes, this will upset some people. People who would rather we cover up, go hide. It will inspire others to take off the cover and go live their lives. Which one do you think we're gonna worry about? Because baby, we're on the Sports Illustrated swimsuit runway at 39, Mother of Four.

Oh, she had four, she had quadruplets. Well, I don't know if they all came at the same time, but... Life doesn't end in your twenties. Life doesn't end after your children. You go through pregnancy four times. There's no way your body is the same afterwards. Why is this on Sports Illustrated? Are women buying that magazine now? Well, they- Pregnant women?

Do they not have their own pregnant lady magazines? But- Can't this be on Red Book? I thought they stopped the swimsuit edition. This stopped it. Somebody shot it. A hunter shot it. Life ends when life ends.

So make sure you make some damn good stories and memories for yourself while you have the chance. This shouldn't be a good memory. That's all I have to say about that for now. What the fuck? Hahaha. Alright, well. Alright, uh...

They gotta get like a post-pregnant fat woman with two fake arms, you know, two fake legs. Stomping down the runway. Googly eyeballs. Fake eyes. You know, head on backwards. Retarded. Jesus. You know, Sports Illustrated.

Hi, I'm the new Playboy. Miss March over here. Uh, okay. Follow up on the, uh, uh, uh. Okay. Follow up on the fat bodied bicyclers. Uh. Oh, right. Oh, yeah. You want to see this? Uh, yeah. Okay, and then we'll do some voicemails.

Okay. Both of our guests did not come in. Oh wait, I think... What's going on? Rich wanted to call in. What channel? Live. Rich.

Show. The guy who made the Maddox coffin wanted to call in. Oh! Yeah, okay, the best bikes for tall people. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. Let me find a better one. Is tall like code? Ehh, I think so. Yeah.

Big and tall, usually. Well, I know what that means, but yeah. Clydesdale bicycles? I mean, that's... Oh, come on! Clydesdale bike. Clydesdale bicycles is committeddesdale Bicycles is committed to getting big and tall guys on bikes.

You have to name it after a draft horse. Yeah, I think that's gonna be fine for men, but I don't think lady cyclists are gonna be too keen on the Clydesdale nomer. Maybe not, even though they do like horses. Yeah, let's face it, big guys break stuff from wheels to chains to gears and frames. Other brands didn't want to take on that risk,

but we have risen to the challenge of building bikes for big and tall riders that last. All Clydesdale bike frames are designed by the renowned big and tall bike designer, Leonard Zinn, and are built extra tough out of the highest quality titanium. We have thought through every detail of these bikes from the frame and fork to the wheels and drive train

and have come out with versatile bikes that ride great with incredible durability. We will be adding modules to this lineup every year. Until we have covered. How fat do you have to be to like, to break a mountain bike? Just know, cause most people don't ride like in an extreme manner. No, they're not doing mountain.

They're just using it on like on, in the bike lane for transportation. Like it... Why titanium? Yeah, G.I. Wendel. Yeah. Right. That was the first question I had. Hey, those bikes for fat people? Why do you use titanium? Oh. Oh.

Because they're for great big fat people. I see. Okay. Clydesdale bicycles. Get the fuck out of here. Stories? I guess if you're like a football player, you'd need something like that. Well, yeah, I mean... Sounds cool. Yeah, there are some people who are just...

But those people need something for everything. Like, they don't fit in life. No, they don't fit in anything. Like if you're six, eight, the world isn't easy. No. Okay, maybe one more. Maybe one more. Vinny Paulino sends this one in.

Oh my God! Wait, what? Is that what I think it is? What the fuck? It's like adipose tissue. It's a person that has like a Scottish kilt of adipose tissue. What the fuck?

Okay, watch out for the sound on this one. Okay, hang on. Oh, video has no sound. Oh. Oh my God! Wow. What happened here? I've walked around the last three years in a stage four lymphedema and lipidermal.

It's almost over blank. Any help is better than none. Did they just lose a shitload of weight? No, no, no. It's like... That's like a disease? Well, it's like retaining fluid, like your tissue where things just swell. Oh, it's not even being fat? It's just...'s like a disease. Well, it's like retaining fluid like you're your tissue where things just swell like it's not even being fat It's just oh Wow, I mean it's stretched. I mean maybe there's

Jesus yeah, I don't know if that quite counts. No, that's that's a serious medical medical issue. Oh my god Unless it's not in which case we take it all back Okay, that's the next show, patreon.com slash Dick Show. Go check out the bonus episode. And we're doing a Biggest Problem episode on Wednesday. I don't know how it's going to go. I mean, good luck. Thanks.

You know, I mean. I'm just going to. There's got to be some kind of like a relief of tension. Like all this, we're having fun, this is fun shit and banning people and... Yeah, I mean, I hope he... All have hit the same time, that's the worst part. If it was just like, I'm sick of the pig jokes,

it'd be like, okay, well then let's work on that. It's clear that for whatever reason, like he's not having a good time in general right now. Yeah, so you gotta- And I hope that he does. I like Vito. It would be, yeah, me too. It would be easier to handle if it also didn't,

Riley, that fucking asshole, didn't also trigger this other meltdown at the same time. But whatever, it happened all at the same time. We're just gonna deal with it. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It was just one thing at a time. It'd be easier to fix, but. Well, yeah. I mean, it's, yeah. Less, fewer stress points. Stress points. Ah, this is a lot to fix at the same time. But we'll give it a shot. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, track on Riley calling him like everybody if you said you hated Riley dude you everybody would be on board with you everybody you can squash beefs you know rappers do it yeah like he gets hate from people like white hot hatred Riley

this yeah if you made a rap track shitting on him everybody would be on your side people hate me just cuz I think he's funny. Yeah, wow. But, I don't know. I guess, you know, I... This is like, it's right here, just grab it! Yeah. Pull this string! I don't know what Riley's up to enough. I haven't seen anything that makes him really, really hate-worthy. Me either. You know, maybe if I looked, I could find something, but.

He's a funny guy. Okay. Broke the seat, something. Oh shit, did I miss a song? You know, Riley said something at the live show in LA. Yeah. He said something, I just, for whatever reason, it stuck with me

because he nailed it exactly, and it was about me. Oh. And it was something about my height. And he goes, yeah, you're tall because you have like long femurs. Like it was very specific. And I went like, you're exactly right. People don't get that.

They go, oh, he's like a tall guy. But like, he goes, yeah, because you don't- They're speaking my language. No, it's just funny because he goes, because you don't look tall sitting down I go down that that quickly I could see you that what an interesting I just thought it was interesting that he picked that out yeah he's very specificly bone length of my upper legs some people have long torsos, you know what I mean? So that's not me.

It's just, it was just funny that he nailed that. Where is, where the fuck are you, Rich? I'm trying to see a, here, I'll play this song. I think I threw away who wrote it. I'll gotta find it. Okay. ["Spaired Toilet"] And I'm proud to use your spare toilet, and not just for pee.

And I won't forget to double flush, to deal with that brown streak. And I gladly stand up to wipe my ass, then turn around to see. For there ain't no doubt I took a shit. And I also broke the seat. Is this about Vito? God bless America. Well, somebody broke my toilet. I don't think it was him, but.

Oh. He didn't flush the toilet upstairs though, completely. Oh. Look at this guy. Yeah. See this cheerleader? I do. This man? Right. Uh, he doesn't look all that. Remember when it was just like men being cheerleaders wearing like uh shorts and a shirt and stuff and they're helping them like do launches and stuff? Little

different outfits didn't they? Yeah, now he's dressed in sequins. Yeah. It's like a one, it looks like a ladies cut top. Doesn't, doesn't look that thrilled to. Yeah, it's like a it looks like a ladies cut top doesn't look that thrilled to The yawning like the part of that's a yawn I think it doesn't look thrilled. No, you're right doesn't that's Come on, man. Yeah, we gave you all this stuff. We're bending over backwards So you can get in this ladies cheer uniform and we can't get a smile out of you I mean you got resting bitch face and we're all, look at all this stuff we've got going for you. None of them look, I mean one of them.

I expect that from the women. The girl behind her is pretty over it too. It looks like, eh. Yeah, just phoning it in. Let's see if Rich is in here. Did I play the theme song already? You did. Okay.

Let me give this guy an invite. And copy and... Do you not have... You're not saying your name in the live show chat? Yeah, I don't know, man. What the fuck? I'll play a voicemail and we'll figure it out. in the live show chat? Yeah, I don't know, man. What the fuck? I'll play a voicemail and we'll figure it out. Okay.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, here we go. Hey, The Dick Show, I have a request for you. The last biggest problem, which is episode 156, around minute 125, 55. Dick asks Sean, I'm sorry, Vito about- How dare you? I'm holding porn and torrenting porn and I... Vito talks in a timbre. I've never heard him talking.

Tom. And he got real fidgety and weird. Now, you know, I'm not saying he's got a part of like creepy weird shit on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's already Already a funny topic My request is that you dig into that. No, no Me digging into this have caused all of this There's got to be less digging less digging

Probably some coverings price. I'm feeling I'm gonna try to cover it up some stuff in I started reading the super chats just so people couldn't make Vito say mean things constantly about himself. So we could switch off randomly and you know, it might be maybe that will ameliorate something. But yeah, I wasn't, I wasn't expecting the dead silence bringing up men Riley. Yeah, it was surprising. And jarring. And on a comedy show. What is that? I don't know. I hear dogs like jarring and on a comedy show, what is that?

I don't know, I hear dogs like making noise. Dogs running around, on a comedy show, I have to admit, it made me upset. It's like, what do you, what? What the fuck is, all of this pain in the ass all week and now he can't even make a joke about it? I'm upset by this. He's clearly not, you know, amused by it at all.

Oh yeah, all right. Ah. And then I got too drunk and really latched on that. The addiction, what makes me enraged is when people say America doesn't have a culture. Mm-hmm. It's bad enough when people say like, why people don't have a culture.

It's like, well, I get it, cause like, you know, you're probably comparing it to Mexico, which has a culture. It's bad enough when people say white people don't have a culture. It's like, well, I get it, because you're probably comparing it to Mexico, which has a culture. When it's like, yeah, all of Mexico can be surmised up into mariachi fucking music and farting too much with all the fucking music. You know what I mean? It's great.

One big thing- He's demonstrating white culture right now. Yeah, there you go, that's Mexico. Versus, I think America is really fucking big. You know, it doesn't matter that our biggest import might be culture. Like what is Hollywood or the music industry? Nevermind that shit.

We've got a million little like cultures all over the world. Yeah, America's really fucking fantastic. It's amazing. I mean, yeah, America, sure. It's got culture. You got Colonel Sanders and stuff. Okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey, Sean.

You know what makes me raise? This week is my mother recently did a bunch of renovations on her home to accommodate my wife and our brand new twins. And we just found out that the Canadian government has a sweet tax rebate. Oh! Anybody building multi-generational homes. What? Well, anybody doing renovations to build multi-generational homes out of existing homes.

And that tax rebate only applies if you're making the accommodations for a relative of 65 plus or older. Does not apply for people building homes to accommodate young families, you know, the people who don't have money, it accommodates the fucking boomers. Right. So boomers are getting a tax rebate for turning their home into like a rental home?

Well, it's to- Like a multi-generational- Well, I think it's if you have to, it's somebody who's doing something to accommodate a boomer. Like that? For instance, I think so. I think he said, cause he's moving in to accommodate a boomer. Like for instance, I think so. I think he said, cause he's moving in to his mother's house. They're adding on, you know, they're doing additions

in order to accommodate younger people, him. Yeah, but who's getting the rebate? Who's ever paying for it as long as it includes a boomer? I believe so. That's what I got out of it. Wow, that's weird. So they're encouraging people to live with their parents forever

instead of just letting house prices fall. They're encouraging you to, they're paying you to put more people in to the same house so they can keep mortgage rates high, right? We've got more people in here who can pay more for mortgage rates. So now we can keep them as high as we want instead of letting them crash. Ah, shady, shady shit.

Okay. Hey, my rage freeze today is dumbass dog crossing the street. I'm a little hard of hearing I can hear a fucking Ford s-150 coming at about 50 miles down the road 50 miles per hour down the road If my death ass can hear it that stupid fucking husky Should be able to hear me. Mm-hmm, but I didn't hit him He was no you say fucking close and I didn't quite yet come to a full stop. Only when I honked the horn, his dumb ass turned and looked, huh?

Now Sean, surely you can back me up on acknowledging that a dog's hearing is generally better than a human's hearing. Yeah, and they hear it. Anyway, Dick, go fuck yourself. Sean, I love you. Yeah, you mentioned a husky is not like any other dog. They are-

They're dumb. They are stubborn. They don't listen. They don't care to please. They do what they want unless they happen to agree with what you want them to do. Yeah. Yeah. If you, if you call one and it comes over, it's because it thought that was the best idea. Yeah. Yeah. Not because you asked it to. Okay. Here's a guy. Hey, just calling him to say,

my lawyer girlfriend just asked me Scandinavians were white. Scandinavians were white. I thought it was. Okay, short and sweet. She's a lawyer. Yeah. Honey, are Scandinavians white? Can you give back your, you're not representing clients with that.

Are you? Interesting question. Why did that come up? Why are you asking me right now? Well, first, what I think needed to probably happen was she could Google Scandinavia or Scandinavian, and it'll say, Scandinavians are people who come from this region of the world,

which includes the countries blank, blank, and blank. What do you think they look like? You've seen movies with a nod to the Swedish bikini team. Yeah, die hard, like... Right, like it. Like it has come up before in your life. Right, yeah, I would guess that... Final Jeopardy!

What color are Scandinavians? Ah, ooh, like, oh, who fuckin' nailed her, boys! I fuckin' got her! I would think with just a little more thought that question could have been avoided. Uh, okay, here we go. Yeah. Dick, I think what you said about Maddox being

too impotent to do anything is definitely correct. Did you say that? Did I say that? The video getting taken down sent him over the edge. Yeah. He's the crow man living in the bushes near your house plotting to get you. I would buy more firearms. It's the crow man. Dick, be careful, stay safe out there. Okay, this is a present, Sean. Here, I'm gonna read this. Oh, should I? The Kratix is the Cro-Man.

I have this, too. Open that up, open that up. This is a card that says, Sean's penis. From your kidney stone? Yeah. You know? And I remember you said, well, I opened it up to see if it was poison. Poison, yeah.

I always do that. Oh, it's like an actual... Get well. Yeah, it's an actual... Yes, yes, yes, yes. And sometimes the real treasure was the diet cokes we had along the way. Get well soon. Thank you, whoever sent this.

Okay. I won't say a... The return address is some dickhead. Some dickhead. Well, thank you, whoever sent that. This is from Davey. Sean, thank you for taking back... Thank you for taking back calling me gay, which of course I know I'm not. Take this signed drum head as a token of my gratitude for years of great audio engineering. That's for me? This is for you. Oh damn.

What have I just impaled right now? Oh, right on. It's for years of great audio engineering. It's signed by Mark Volman of The Turtles and Frank Zappa. I did a tour with him and figured you might appreciate this as you're a big classic rock head. Thanks man. Dick, you doubled down on calling me gay,

which to reiterate, I'm definitely not. But here is a piece offering a bottle of Jack Daniel's Select which was left behind on my bus by the Cowgills and the Association, two other late 60s bands Sean might know. Hopefully it gets to you. Sorry, the Cowgills and the Association? Yeah. The Association I definitely know. You definitely know? Oh yeah. Hopefully it gets to you. Sorry the cowgills in the association. Yeah the association. I definitely know definitely now. Yeah

Hopefully it gets to you because I don't think I'm allowed to ship booze to you like this, but fuck the system anyway Yeah, wow. Thank you, Davey When very cool when gay listeners right in you see what you get when you know when you You just you don't call people gay and they send you cool drumheads. I've never heard a straight man talk about how he's not gay so much. I do love, I love knowing that the LGBT community supports and listens to the show.

Is that like some special Jack? Single barrel select. Oh wow. Yeah. Nice. It's in like a little homosexual bottle that fits right up your ass. Oh God. That's probably what he was thinking when he sent it.

Select D's nuts probably implied with that. Thank you very much. Thank you. Davey Gavy they call him on the discord. Well, they will now. Let's be confused with gay Dave. Another guy, another fan. Really?

No, probably. Here's a guy who hates Riley. Let's see what he has. Okay, yeah. We're moving the chess pieces and goal posts just to fucking save his beloved fat retard and I don't mean fucking Vito. I mean fucking the most unfunny retard in the fucking room. He's fucking serious. Fucking, that episode was insufferable, dude. I don't know why, I don't know, Riley makes me laugh when he does the WWE thing like silly guy

Here's uh, are there any in defense of Riley? Oh, no, let's see. Here's another one. I think this is defensive Riley Hey, hey Sean. Hey Riley kill yourself To Dick Fuck mint salad too. Don't fuck the cunts. Alright, go fuck yourself, dick. Smoothies for Sean. Alright, well... Riley will, I'm sure, take that under advisement. You know what? I have a secret way of defeating Riley.

I have never told before. Yeah. When he's doing his shtick on you, you just go, I don't care, care that's dumb and then you ignore it Eric July could have done it. I know Vito could have done it. I know yeah, I know it's hard to I Hate giving away, you know, I want to hurt Riley, but If he's doing that to you, you just have to go I don't care. That's dumb. Yeah, I don't care about that Yeah, sounds stupid

That's dumb. Yeah. I don't care about that. Yeah. Sounds stupid. He doesn't get a, why would he keep doing it? He's gonna, he will be bored, right? I think he's already bored. Yeah.

I think everyone's bored of this stupid shit. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Dick Chose as Yankee, newly divorced and loving it. Uh-huh. Calling in with a new suggestion for the young man out there, a la the shoes question. Another great question that will instantly get a girl to stop looking at her phone and talk to you is, this is an unlikely one, but I recently discovered Women often have a favorite super model.

Oh, who's your favorite supermodel or just model? I will have an answer. I really couldn't name. Well, besides the obvious any models. But then how are you going to talk about that? Any of the women that they told me before, but lots of chicks have favorite supermodels. Supermodel. Maybe. Oh, yeah. You have her samemodels. Who's your favorite supermodel? Maybe compare them to each other. Oh yeah, you have her same eyebrow ridge. Oh yeah.

Yeah, but you'd have to know. That's great, works for me. Good luck with. Yeah. That would be, I don't know how to use that one. You would have to just keep asking her questions. They don't like that though. It's a lot of work.

Well, no, but like, oh, where's she from? Like, oh, wow, like, oh, you ever been? Then you can- Why do you like? Then you can steer it to like, oh man, I want to go there. And then no, but like, oh, where's she from? Like, oh, you ever been? Then you can why you like, then you can steer it to like, oh, man, I want to go there. And then before you know it, you're talking from the supermodel to like, you know, to planning your life together. Yeah, it's true. I suppose that's true. Yeah. I guess every question is a version of that. So yeah, that's that. I mean, he's right. I just wouldn't know what to say after. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Farnes Arvort wrote Kate Moss. Okay. Wow, those are you dating? Wasn't she getting Johnny Depp or something? Yeah, they're like who's Kate Moss? Yeah

Hey, so I work in the news and I work in the control room at the news station. I'm a technical director and. I just had to fucking call in and rant because the fucking cunt that was the director reading the script to me, we had to stay in and watch the debate. And every fucking time Trump spoke, this bitch would just yell at the screen, just like this idea, whatever whatever and every time Kamala said something just like a bit cunt-ish it would be as if she just got a fucking power-up she just feels so yeah and this is a fucking 55 year old woman who's

never been married a fucking man-hater. Just be professional. And I have to endure this for the last three fucking hours. Ah! Just to fix the thing that Kamala fucking won. Anyway, I love the fucking show. Keep the big problem going on. Thank you if you fucking play this. Love it. Thank you, John.

I'll keep it going. See ya. It really is that. It's to a point of, I just fucking hate you. I just fucking hate you. Every time Kamala talks, I can imagine every woman in my life that'd be going, yeah, Queen, yeah, that's exactly right. I'm like, ah!

Yeah, Queen. God, just shut her up, Trump! Shut her up! Shut her down! Yes! Have you heard that before? It's so sick! I'm full of poison and toxicity!

There's like, dude, that's just, that's rampant. Bleh! You know? That's rampant with everybody. I can't watch it. I don't even care. Take the money. I don't care anymore. Just shut her up. Get the CIA to Peter Thiel.

I don't fucking care. Uh, seething. Uh, OK. Also, I just wanted to say, Sean is like, Sean, Sean is so nice. I mean, everyone already kind of knew it, but like, hearing him try to talk Vito off the ledge, he's so nice and kind and compassionate. Where's the other shoes going to drop, right?

Something people like us aren't used to on the internet i guess but that's true is this sincere people should be more like sean that's true yeah well thank you but if it's yeah i'll i'll tell you something it's it's because i you know i don't know it's because i recognize a little of myself in that yeah that's that's why i don't know, it's because I recognize a little of myself in that. Yeah. That's why. I don't know what, you know, like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because you see a little bit of myself in there

and like ways that I've acted like in the past and like just like, and then you get perspective and like I've found that perspective is a fucking great thing to have because otherwise you really are prisoner of the moment and you can act in ways that you're like, ah man, I wish I had handled that differently. Yeah, I feel that way too from the other direction. Yeah. Like you can't be misrepresenting people on it with a bigger Platform than them like that happened to me. It sucks. It's still happening to me. I fucking hate it. Oh, yeah

It's really fucking with my perception of you, which I don't yeah like there's like please Understand what you're doing. Yeah. Yeah.. And am I being paranoid or is this just having been through it, I see the signs? Yeah. I don't know, it's making me crazy over something that is fucking retarded. Yeah, and I understand that point too because I understand how you've set up your deal.

You know, like, and that's like, I'm completely different. Ah! Like, you know, people are gonna fuck with you big time now and they're just gonna use this as an example. Like, the false flagging of Alex Jones shit. You know this world. You know what I mean? Yes, exactly.

You know this world. Like, you can't say you don't. The false flagging of Alex Jones shit is still haunting. It still comes up. Yeah. Yeah, that was a big fuck up. And, yeah, okay, medical records, here we go. Then I'm gonna bring Rich on.

I am just in awe of Vito's behavior. I'm listening to the newest episode and I just can't believe the things that are coming out of his mouth. It literally sounds like, compare Vito talking about his property to Boogie talking about his medical records. It was literally the same rant where it's like, I don't care. It destroys every friendship and financial opportunity I have.

I know nobody can come to my house. It's like it's cool. It doesn't want anybody to come to his house. But it's just why is he acting this way? I don't know. It makes like it's cool. It doesn't want anybody to come to his house. But it's just why is he acting this way? I don't know. It makes him look like Eric. This is what everybody's saying. And it's true. It just makes him look like Eric. I don't get it. You know, just be funny. Do a comedy show. Please. Yeah, I have to do that too. You ever when Maddox would shut down on the show? Yeah, in the end. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I would play the Titanic song. You ever when Maddox would shut down on the show? Yeah, sometimes.

Here in the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I would play the Titanic song, you would just go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like that. Right. Well, I'm about to fuck it up again.

Hey, Dick. I was listening to your episode this past week and you guys were talking about voting from psych ward patients. Well, my mother worked in a psych ward for 15 years, and her mother worked in the same psych ward for 30. And I can confirm to you that the unions that the nurses and the doctors are all in actually do send people into the psych ward

and they collide with patients with cigarettes also with food and get them to vote a lot of them don't even care for once I mean they're absolutely just butt fucking insane I got lots of stories from my mother working there. Yep. Yeah.

Interesting profession. All right. Thank you. Fuck you. Bye. Yeah. No reason to doubt that. No reason to doubt it.

Why wouldn't they? They'd be dumb not to. Correct. You know? Correct. Okay. Let me see. I'm going to get Rich in here real quick and then that'll be a day.

Call it an afternoon. We'll call it an afternoon. Hey Rich, are you there? My man! Yep. How you doing buddy? Hello, good afternoon. I'm doing good. How are you two doing?

Good. Good, am I echoing at all? No, you're good. I've been better Rich, everyone's bullying me online. And you know what, As funny as it is, I, I, that voicemail came in saying, we're just trying to talk. We're all just trying to talk veto down from the ledge and just be funny. Just just it's a joke. But we're and we're now.

Hi, you. That I want to leave that drama for last week. That's what happened. We came back on, we got connection and that whole thing was going on. I said, there's no way I can follow up about talking about the Maddox dummy. What?

Okay, so you made the Maddox dummy that he used in his hit piece against me that Maddox falsely represented as something I made because I'm obsessed with him Remember that show Sean? And it's so ungrateful We lovingly recreated everything down to the last detail including the voice box saying Thank you for coming to my wake. The coffin, the chips in the gut. I mean, we remember that whole thing. We remember that whole sequence. Red glowing eyes. And of course we get the okay.

Dick gives us the okay to make this thing only two weeks out from the show. So, so I'm up to like two in the morning making the coffin and then we just, I went over like Eric came over, helped out a bit as much as he could because obviously he's got a busy schedule as well. But we went back and we researched every little thing. Originally, what we wanted to do was make a whole bunch of characters that Maddox has made over the years as Paul Bearers, but we didn't have time for that. And we just said, we're going to, he was like, I think that was important on stocking actually. The coffin with just the dead Maddox was fine. But if you're making a whole like diorama of real dolls to go along with it, that might

have been a little much. You know what? It would have been funny though, but we didn't, we just didn't have the time. So he said, let's get what we can. And he said, look, I have a Metroid shirt. We went to we just bought a simple chain to make his chain wallet, because, you know, that looks very professional on the YouTube wars in in cop side or converse and a chain wallet over a Metroid shirt under a three piece suit. I just I mean, he's always been a character. So we had so much fun prepping that dummy.

But it's the fact that Maddox thinks that you commissioned that yourself. And it's something it's like, no, we did it as a joke, Maddox. We did it as sort of a mockery and a tribute to what you used to be. It's a joke, man. Vagina fish sticks, you know? Don't you get it? Yeah, just get it. Just get it, man.

Just get it, man. Just pretend to get it. It's a joke. Can you just get it? Yeah. I mean, isn't that what's been going on this past week? It's a joke, just get it. Just get it, man.

Just do it, come on. Just get it, Vito. No, but yeah, in this case, just get it Maddox. But no, he, he, he took it as, oh, he's, he's, she wants to be so bad. And it's like, yeah, that's, he definitely, he definitely wants to, he wants to laugh at you. And we all do, but nah, whatever. That's all I really had to say about the dummy. It was funny. I mean, it was really funny. Oh, it was, it was really funny. Oh, it was it was really funny. And I'm no matter what in the end, I think first off, I was very proud of myself. Eric

was absolutely overjoyed because this whole thing was brought to life. And I think everyone loved it at the show. It was it was so much fun. Everyone was taking pictures of it. Did I tell you? I almost got killed by it in my garage? You did on the big problem. Oh yeah. Did I tell you that Sean? It was after I broke my foot. I was trying to get something out of the garage and it was still propped up and it started falling and I moved right out of the way.

I would have taken my fucking head off. Oh man. We were going to cremate it and then Vito steps in and says, that's an environmental hazard. And he's like, damn it. Yeah, I still wanna cremate it. Honestly, it's been taking up a lot of room in my garage for a long time. It's still in there, yeah.

Cause I broke my foot and I couldn't move it. And then after I broke my foot, I broke my arm tendon. So then I like couldn't move it for like eight months or something Yeah, I mean you you've got that front yard, right? Just who's gonna just burn it there Who cares it was in the front yard for a while because I couldn't move it like everything was fucking broken It was just me by my house all day until I realized that the neighbors probably didn't appreciate this probably not some weird Corpse. Yeah.

They're not all in on the joke. Why did I have this sitting out for so long? That's really inconsiderative of me. So I forget how I got it in. I think I got somebody to help me pull it into the garage. And there she sat before she chopped my head off. You know, if we ever do Burning Dick 2, there we go. We'll burn it there?

I don't want to wait that long. Yeah, we'll burn it there. I gotta take it to Doc Raller or something. Where can I burn a body? Where can I burn a corpse? Ooh. To the beach? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't know if somebody,

I don't know how much they patrol that, where it's like, you're supposed to like, you know, you can have fires, but they have to be like in the pits. They can't be a, I can't just set like a house on top. No, no, no. God damn it. This idea was really funny, but I didn't think it through. Now I got a coffin in the garage.

Maybe if you stand it vertically in the center of the pit, I don't know. I was thinking that too, but that's gonna be extremely dangerous. I've seen a lot of fires. It's gonna tip over on fire. Yeah, it's gonna, and then I'm'm not to clean up a huge mess right and And knowing California, especially last we came through is like there wasn't a fire here yesterday. Well, there is now. Yeah. Yeah

Anyway, what makes you rage? Thanks for calling in You know what what does make me a rage Surprise road works speaking of things that just appear out of nowhere. I go over to someone's house, hang out. Two hours later, I come back and two lanes out of my three lane road are blocked off out of nowhere. No one's working on them.

No one's doing anything. And the worst part about it is, is when they block a whole sequence of either all left turns or all right turns. And then I have to go all the way down for three, four miles. And it's so annoying. And it doesn't appear on Google Maps or I don't think to look at Google because I don't think, oh, I'm just going to be gone for a couple hours. They're going to close down an entire stretch of road. Yeah, I had to like now I always do Google just in case there's a surprise traffic jam like that on the way home. Yeah

Did it again? Yeah, god damn it. Uh Okay, rich. Thanks. Have a good one. See ya. Thank you. You guys have a good day. Thanks for letting me call in See you later. All right. See you everybody. All right. Thanks. Bye