The Dick Show - Episode 428

Episode Date: September 23, 2024

.

Man, I saw- La Gunita. I saw the, I don't know, I don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm just dead tired. Did you party? Dead tired. Not really. Yeah, I know.

There's these fuck- dude, they're having like fucking orgies out. The coyotes and the birds outside this last week are just- Like in the middle of the night? Not three in the morning, four in the morning. Do you have mockingbirds? You don't mind them? I got some bird that goes, ah, ah, ah. Oh, it just does one call though. in the middle of the night. Not three in the morning, four in the morning. You have mockingbirds, you know, mind-numbers. I got some bird that goes, ah, ah, ah. Oh, it just does one call though?

Yeah, it's like, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha all night. Nice. I almost started looking for an app that could identify. I'm like, why would I care? I don't give a shit what kind of bird this is. So you can be pissed off at a specific species, is that? It's like, when I see you motherfucker I'm gonna fuck yeah if I see you around during the day. I'm gonna fucking kill you bro. Yep. Yep start carrying a pellet pistol

And the coyotes of course when they get fucking they get going good God I'm just gonna start feeding him. I think so they don't have to hunt anymore It might give you some some. Plus the night. I can't hear the yip yip yip yip yip. Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip y You sleep through women crying outside of clubs at two in the morning because they're too fat. Constant noise is easier to deal with once you get used to it than something that's totally quiet. That's silent. And then just takes you right out of it. Like, what the fuck was that?

Uh. You know Star 69? Yeah. They couldn't do that today. I don't think so. They couldn't call it 69. It's- Could you imagine that? Well, no, it's sexualizing the phone. Yeah, that's not- We got a new feature They couldn't call it 69. It's such you imagine that well, no, it's

Yeah, that's not we got a new feature where you can call people back. Yeah, what do you call it blowjobs? Oh Can you know that's very inappropriate? No, you can't we can't be saying that at work to each other Yeah, you want the whole country to be constantly talking about a sexual innuendo It's like as like a function of business and work? It's like sexual assault against Alexander Graham Bell or somebody. There's no way it would fly.

No way. Star 69. No, I'm not putting that in a press. We're not putting that in a manual. No. One way or the other, 70, 68. Can't put star 69 in there. Isn't that crazy?

We've fallen. The West has fallen. Let me know've fallen. The West has fallen. The West has fallen. Let me know if you've had this experience. I have a door code to get into my building. Okay. Your property. My property, yeah. Exactly.

And I think, I think I'm finally of the, like you're always, at one point, you're the last generation that like widely experiences something and technology moves on. Loppy disk, et cetera. Whatever, yeah, and like you make references and somebody's like, you're fucking old.

Yeah, you know what I mean? It could be a TV show, it could be whatever. But I have to make sure, if I'm having food delivered or anything, the number, it's a four digit code, but it starts with pound. Yeah. Which is, if you just put the number,

they're like, what the fuck is that? It's like, I put in blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, no, so I put pound, the door code is pound parentheses, the numbers, the hashtag, and then the number. And that seems to figure it out because I've had so many people go, it's not working. It's like, no, that's-

It must just not work then. If you say pound number, you're supposed to know what the pound sign is. But that's- It must just not work then. If you say pound number, you're supposed to know what the pound sign is. But that's- Yeah, they don't. Well, that's on me now, because it's like, it's not who uses that really anymore compared to hashtag. Oh, the name pound. Yeah, that's hashtag.

You have hashtags on your phone? Like star, you gotta, I mean, I guess you could figure that that's the asterisk, right? I mean, like that's- Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should probably be able to figure that one out, but pound doesn't mean the number, you know, it's not asterisk, right? I mean, you should probably be able to figure that one out, but pound doesn't mean the numbers. It's not logical to go, oh, the number sign is obviously the pound.

I just, I always gave up on them going into the building. So I'm like, they're not, they're never gonna get out of their car. They'll just throw the food at the building. Whatever. If I don't get in that. Yeah, take it and eat it themselves. Yeah, okay.

Let's start the show. Sure. What time is it?. Yeah, okay. Let's start the show. Sure. What time is it? It's already late. Fuck! Talking about pounds and hashtags for 10 minutes. You reminded me of my email from prison that I got. Oh.

From the cat girl, I think. Yeah! Welcome to You Want to Take a New D.Q. Love You Q. Got it! It's a show on which contest can be alive from Mount and Bunker Deep to the hardest city failure in my host, I imagine. Welcome to Dick. You want to take a music you love you. Get it. It's a show on which contest coming to you live from Mount and Bunker, Deep in the Heart of City Failure, I'm your host Dick Maddison,

AKA the $20 million man. Joining me as always is world touring LA based comedian, Sean the audio engineer. Hello, Dick. What's up buddy? Thank you for not killing yourselves today on this lovely, lovely Sunday morning. It's finally not so hot.

I don't want to kill myself anymore. I forgot what it was to be alive. The day of my daughter's wedding. Yeah. On this, the day of my daughter's wedding. It's a lot nicer now. I got an email from prison. A prisoner wants to contact you.

I was like, what the fuck is this? Well, you got a letter from prison that says... You get an email from, it's like called CoorsLynx or something. Because it goes through, they see everything that gets sent in or out of the prison. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh no, what did who do this time, right? And I think it was from the cat girl. The cat girl.

Remember the cat girl that one that fought with the stereos a long time ago? Yes, her boyfriend or whatever, yeah. Had a boxing match. Yeah, so I got curious and I loaded up my card and I just forgot it and didn't tell you Because you have to you have to pay it's like 25 cents to send emails back and forth to prisoners Which is why I don't know what they're I don't know why they would do that like come on man Prisons are already making a lot of money in this country right?

I mean you gotta get them you gotta get them that bad you gotta do you gotta do these guys that dirty. It's the for-profit prison system. It's a fucking quarter for an email. You know we used to be able to call somebody on the phone for a quarter. Not like a penny of email or something. A quarter? Fuck! So I had to load it up see what she'd send me and if I was right I forgot to check it until you just brought it up. Oh wow. The dirty gas bomb. Because she was the one who sent, she told me all this crazy shit the Maddox did.

Oh really? Yeah, she tried, oh it's funny, it's funny stuff. It's funny stuff. Jesus. I'll do it, I think next week will have been enough time. Oh my god. You're teasing me now. I think.

That's fucked up, that's fucking messed up. Oh my god. You're teasing me now. I think- Hahahaha That's fucked up. That's fucking messed up. He just says- he does crazy shit. Yeah. You know? Yeah, he- Well, cause I wanted her to call in and talk about it. She sent me this giant recording.

And about, you know, the ins and outs of being a moderator for Maddox's Discord or something, which, you know. She was a moderator for- I guess. By the way, this is all stuff she's just claimed, so I don't... I haven't seen any of it, and from what she's talking about, I don't want to see any of it. Right. Something tells me it will ring true or it won't when we hear it.

I mean, it's like... There's a couple things. I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, There's a couple things. I Let's set the tone today. Look at this, he's still arguing. We're done, the last bonus episode was us completing the kukumenary,

the three hour kukumenary that will likely end up with me in prison or deported. Whatever the Beavis and Butt-Head trailer was. Possibly deported, right? And my house taken away from me because of imminent domain or something and given to an Armenian charity where that explains some cockamamie idiotic plan, right?

We're done with it though. We're finished. They're all just as likely. Every scenario you just, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just as likely as the other. Yeah. Any day now, cops are gonna show up and say,

you know what, you've been making fun of this adult man too much. So we're gonna use all of our domestic violence laws to get rid of you, to protect this internet scholar. We're done with it, is my point. And he's still arguing with people in his video comments still. I'm not sure what your point is with this, Psycho Babble. Your criticism that I don't keep the receipts on long enough is stupid.

It's a good criticism. You don't keep the quotes and shit up on the screen long enough. People can't read them. But also because you can shoot full of holes every fucking one of them. Yeah, I think people are based on- That's why it took us so fucking long to go through.

Yeah. And we could have spent more time, frankly. I know. Maybe we should watch it again. Like this is insane. Maybe we should watch it once a year, on the anniversary of the documentary. I know when you're being evasive or are purposely leaving out context. It's like, I mean, it's lying.

It's lying in any form. You know what I've noticed too is that people don't, when they put words on videos, they don't read them themselves. Like people send me a video and I'm like, I read like halfway through those words. It really drives me insane. Like go watch it and then read it out loud

and read it out loud like a normal person. Like you have to take the time to see it at what it is. Say, oh, I'm going to read it. Oh, I'm reading it out loud. Like that's how normal people read. Not him though. No, no, no. Not him.

And that's, that's perfectly. Yep. What the fuck? That tracks perfectly with him. Remember, nobody knows. He knows better than everybody on everything having tracks perfectly with him. Remember, nobody knows, he knows better than everybody on everything having to do with him on the internet. Like you couldn't possibly learn anything from anyone else.

So it's like, yeah, no, of course. It's like, I don't have to read it. I said it. I said it. That's it. You should just believe it. Yeah, you believe it. Pause it. Pause it. Don't ask questions. Questions are- Pause it and go back

if you really want to digest it. Like, okay, that's an interactive video. That's great. Questions are a severe annoyance, and you're not going along with my script. Yeah. Okay, let me read this. I'm not sure what your point is with this, Psychobabble. Your criticism that I don't keep the receipts on long enough is stupid.

Pause the video. Well, you don't really know it's gonna disappear. You expect that you've made the video with enough time so that you can see it and digest it. And the obsessed stalker has obsessed over this video for at least a combined four plus hours

plus live streams. Plus live streams? What? You mean this show? This show? That I do for money? I don't know why it's four plus hours plus live streams. Right. Um... I don't even know who you are to remember whether or not I blocked you. It was probably for a good reason based on your bad faith arguments here.

And we don't see the prior, you know, the previous post. The previous comment was, hey, you should leave the receipts up longer because it's hard to read. Yeah. The guy, I just... Well, but clearly he did something that Maddox took as psychobabble. Oh, yeah, probably call him a narcissist or something. He probably told the truth or something. You have to move on from this, probably. Something totally. You're ultimately hurting yourself more than... Psychobabble. Yeah. I just, this guy says, I just don't have the time to pause every frame of this video, read them, look up the context,

then do the same for any counter arguments. Like, I gotta be at work in seven hours. You don't have to be so hostile. I do hope you find success in the future. You actually taught me to think critically and introduced me to Ninja Scroll. I am indebted to you in that regard. What a fucking nerd.

Yeah, I mean... And then here's the whopper of the response. this is as big a fan as he could possibly have right now Like this guy who's like look I still trying to like right. I still see go Yeah, or like there's part of me that still believes you're not completely bat shit insane. Like I want to believe there's some Symbolence of the guy thinking critically you remember that That was fun. We did that together, right? Ninja Scroll, yeah, come on, buddy. It happened. Come on back, buddy.

But that's, but then it came down to stuff that involved him. Yeah. And that's way out the window. It's not even, it's not even the same zip code anymore. It doesn't sound like you have any legitimate criticism for anything in the video. There isn't going to be a rebuttal to every receipt in the video because there is no rebuttal to the truth. There are only 10 or 20 email receipts in the video.

There are thousands of other receipts. Put up or shut the fuck up. There are no rebuttals because what I have told in this video is the truth and I have exposed his lies. I'm not making claims in most of this video is the truth, and I have exposed his lies. I'm not making claims in most of this video. I'm showing evidence of false things he has said. Not a single person who has been able to try to poke holes in this video has found anything substantial.

You blocked them all. And there is absolutely a need to be hostile when you're giving the benefit of doubt to somebody who has openly rewarded people who made rape threats against the girl I dated. You're all terrible people! I thought he was having a conversation with one guy. Now he's just...

It's not gonna everybody. Right. The girl I dated, bro. You gotta get another girlfriend eventually. Fuck! Move on! This is a total waste of your time! This giant fucking paragraph! Stop, Maddox! You fucking lost it! Just stop! Stop liking your own fucking comments! Do that!

Look at this, he posted this insane rant and then went back and went, yep, that's classic Maddox liking his own comment. That's what that means, right? You fucking lost it! You have totally fucking lost it! Stop doing this shit! Because clearly, he's not loving the other guy's comment. No. Look at that, he hearted both of them.

Uh, I went to... God, dude. What a god. It's crazy! Crazy. God. Totally insane. We've snatched Vito away from such a life. Good.

At the last moment. Good. I went to see that I am racist video. You heard about that? It's like, you know, Matt Walsh, he's this dickhead commentator who's always saying like stupid conservative. Like this week he said,

if you don't go to work when you're sick, you should be embarrassed by that. This is a guy who sits in an air conditioned office and reads conservative talking points that might as well be produced by an AI. Like he does absolutely nothing. No, and he, it's like an, he just touches that line of like fake machismo that half of the country

just seems to need no matter what. Like I need a guy who talks, who has a fake macho routine, no matter, I just need it. They need it like they need to breathe air. Like where's the guy, is there a guy here who can like say things like, you need to go to work when you're sick because that's manly, I need that in my life.

Most of those guys who love guys like that wanna fuck that guy, they just don't know it. They just don't know it. Quick, is there somebody in the house who can say fuck around, find out? I'm feeling kind of insecure with my masculine identity. I need my identity to be affirmed by someone who can say fuck around and find out.

They don't have to prove it in any way, they just need to say it, you know? It'll empower me. Yeah, is there a dad with a daughter around who can talk about beating imaginary rapists of his daughter, or having a serious conversation with her imaginary boyfriend about respecting her? I need, my identity is unraveling, right?

This is what most, this is what a lot of men need desperately. Oh yeah? So he gave one of these retarded speeches this week about going to work makes, if you don't go to work when you're sick, you're a pussy, right? If you don't go to your podcasting job. Ironically, he's got the most, the exact job that you cannot do when you're sick, because you can't talk. Ironically, right? Don't go to work when you're sick. Everyone hates you.

Everyone hates you macho idiots that go to work when you're sick. Everyone fucking hates you. Everybody. He's like, well, you're a pussy if you don't go to work when you're sick. It's like, what about being considerate? It's like, you know- Getting everybody else sick, bro. Right,, right. Like colds are annoying. You're a doctor. You're fucking sawing somebody's arm off or something What if you're a doctor and you're cutting someone's tits off? Sneezing in the open, you know tits. This isn't good. That's not no no What if you're a trash guy taking the tits from the the hospital to the dump to the biomedical waste You don't want to show up you get everybody sick. They're gonna have a big stockpile of cutoff tits

at the hospital, right? We can't have that. Nobody wants that. No. So he does this documentary called Am I Racist, where he like interviews DEI people to get them to say, like, he really fucked it up, because he's not funny. Yeah.

It's not, it's not Borat level, but the crowd at this movie was like people who have never seen, it's like right wing, severe right wing, I don't know, cultists I might? It felt like the people who were at the January 6th insurrection. Because I've never seen these, I've never, you know, I lived in LA a long time. I have never seen these people. I don't want to knock them. Yeah, I went with Josh Denny. Cause we're like, oh, let's, you know, let's see it. This will be funny.

They're trying at least. I don't support it, but I want to see it. You know, I want to see how they did good or bad. And there was a lot of funny parts. I appreciate the message. But the people were like, it was like Cracker Barrel grandmas and chicks fatter than I've,

I thought I'd seen every heffa lump that LA has to offer, but these were the big ones. They were saving some in the back. They might've come in from other places. Fresno or some shit. Yeah. Right, in Burbank, like, oh, we gotta drive into the city

to see this. Broke out of Harris Ranch, stampeded, and knocked the fence down at the west end of Harris Ranch and down the five. We're sitting there, we're sitting there and the theater's empty, right? And I'm like, oh wow, I guess this, it really isn't doing well, this movie.

Like it is, you know, I guess, maybe the Jews really don't run the media, right? Ben Shapiro couldn't call in some favors and act this theater right? and then like 20 minutes past when the movie's supposed to start a Ranch a stampede of conservatives to show up and they've never been to a movie before pulling oxygen canisters There's like some Amish guys back there. Everybody's got this garish 5 XL shirt. And they just, they talked the entire movie. Talked to each other, trying to figure out where their seats are.

They're all like huddled in the back, like they're waiting to get into a concentration camp. I'm like, do you guys just not, do you really not understand how to go to a movie? What the fuck is happening here? They're just standing there. The same people who go, oh, black people talk through every movie. That's what I was like about you. Do you guys? I think you guys just are racist.

Where is that? Am I in Englewood? Why are you guys fucking talking through this whole fucking movie? It was fucking maddening. It's crazy. through this whole fucking movie. It was fucking maddening. Every time they... Matt Walsh, who brings up this this this preposterous idea that the thing that conservatives believe most is, well you know it's not about somebody's skin color, it's about the content of their character. No. Absolutely no one on earth believes that. Nobody. But they keep... but that's why it's bad, right? Because they

actually they want to sell this premise that they're like, I mean, you've heard that, I don't even think Martin Luther King believed that, right? If I was at Martin Luther King's speech, I would have said, bullshit, bull fucking shit MLK, bullshit. The quote was like, I hope, right? That one day that, I mean, that's like,

Yeah, guess what? Never gonna fucking happen. Right, no, no. If there's one fucking hex code character different between two people, that person either listens to their phone on the bus, or drives like this. Deededeededeededeededeedede. Look, I mean, it's- it's- it is a- it's a-

It fucking matters! A DNA thing to be wary of anybody who's- Now, you overcome that by having- by actually getting to know somebody, but it's like if you're not You just stop saying it, you just stop being externally racist I don't believe that shit Everybody has prejudices And a lot of them are correct

That's, it's, I mean everybody, nobody is as open minded to all things and all scenarios I'm not eating the cats, alright? I'm not ever gonna start eating cats I don't wanna eat the cats. I want the cat-eating people gone. I don't fucking care at this point. Don't eat the fucking cat. So every time... The lady who ate the cat was from Canfield.

Get rid of her! That's my policy! Severe mental issues. Get rid of her! Yes. Put her in the backyard with a cat. Well, you know, you guys don't understand that people eating the cats are actually American citizens.

Get rid of them! Right. You don't understand! Yeah, yeah, yeah. No cat eating. No cat eating! I thought we were past this. See, I cured my hangover by shouting.

Oh, you did? Oh, good. Yeah. So every time they pull this MLK bullshit, they go to like some biker bar and basically like lead all a bunch Of you know bikers into saying that thing well, that's that's just about who somebody is that's okay prove that They're not racist that they're you got to say that which I don't know why Just go why I don't know why they want to do that. I always found Chris Rock very funny Like it's like you know that thing you said about looking over your shoulder

That's true. Yeah. Yeah fucking Larry Ellison the CEO of Oracle. Yeah. Yeah my point was Every time he's every time they say anything approaching that on the screen everybody in the fucking theater turns to each other go Oh, yep. Yep. Yep. Me too. Yep. Yep. Like this this like this movie is not interactive They are you guys saying that they've you never been to a fucking movie with they're like, oh don't go in there It's like a black theater. Oh, don't go. Oh shit. Oh hell no. I think it's like oh hell yes They're all yes at a rally I think they're at a rally. Yeah, like it's just and people have no rascal scooter jam getting in I believe it and they did think they were at a rally

That's what it is. Well black people movies. Oh hell no white people movies. Oh hell yes Yeah, hell yeah, we believe Matt Walsh is fucking idiot ass on screen. We believe it's about the not about race It's about the content of your character and white people in the audience. Oh hell yeah Hell yeah, right? It's the opposite, get it? Yeah. Driving like this. Deed deed deed deed. That music should play for every white person driving. Larry Ellison. This one was funny.

Speaking about race. This is the... God damn it. God, that sucks. Come on. Business Insider. Stupid subscription wall. Larry Ellison, AI Surveillance. He wants to. Larry Ellison, AI surveillance.

He wants to build a police state of AI surveillance to keep. I mean, it's just like... AI surveillance, as if there's not like, you know, surveillance everywhere, right? Like, AI makes it better. It's just like, you know, with billionaires, I just, I can't tell if they're just like fucking retarded or if they're lying to get there to get military contracts I really can't I need to I need the federal government to go away So I know how stupid billionaires are it might run the always lying it might run the gamut

Between people who are so out of touch Yeah to people who are doing it for lie and whip people into a frenzy So the government will pay them to do the shit that they're doing right? What could be the verge of ushering in an era of mass surveillance. Is Oracle now richer than... than... Than Bezos? Yeah, is he richer than Bezos? I don't know.

Probably. You think so? Um... Those app- adding that his juggernaut is ready to serve as the technological backbone for such applications. Ushering in a new era of mass surveillance. Yeah. There you go. Guys, I know what everybody's clamoring for because it's as though everybody with their

hive mind AI has not already identified the problem. You see all those people stealing shit? Kill them. We managed to piece that together. You see those guys squatting in that house? Burn the fucking house down. We've, the eye, humans and their eye intelligence are the H.I. already figured it out, right?

But they won't let us do it. Wrapping a little fucking computer around it is not gonna, when the computer says, oh yeah, all the criminals, kill them. Oh well, we're not gonna do that. Oh well, turns out we just managed to fuck over, you know, fuck, we're now, we figured out which men are more dangerous and deserve to get their their car insurance rates jacked up. Oh that's what the AI figured out? What about all the fucking criminals? Oh whoa, that's not, you

know, that's not gonna fly. Does it make sense what I'm saying? The AI is not... We've already identified all the problems! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. I follow. On their best... The applications including keeping everyone on their best behavior through the use of constant real-time machine learning powered monitoring.

It's a future where you and I will get our car insurance revoked if we go one mile an hour over the speed limit to escape a band of vandals that are going to steal everything in our car and just drive away scot-free. The people looting Bel Air, the people knocking over convenience stores, know already know what they're doing is illegal and that no one will stop them. Ellison made the comments through the end of an hour long chat at the Oracle financial analyst meeting last week. People will be on their best. They know they're being filmed. The criminals are being filmed. They don't fucking care. Do you not understand that?

Where the fuck does AI fit in besides fucking over people who already follow the law? Because there's way too many laws! Well, it's a... and that could get money from law-abiding citizens because... Taking my tax money to build a Skynet to monitor me! To make sure I didn't miss anything on Venmo. Is that the plan? You have the potential to use it as a tool to squeeze even more in various areas until you're being squeezed on all sides And that's and that's the that's the end. That's the outcome. That's it. I don't know how you vote your way out of that Oh, no, I don't want to be I don't want to be surveilled for uh, I mean you guys make new laws all the time

I'm not following all of them. I have a I have a illegal showerhead. I just the a I'm gonna do about that If they want their their technology Implemented to surveil us they're gonna get the government to do it. Yeah, they're going to yeah, they have you have corporations They can make unlimited campaign contributions do what they want with free money Let's see see I got another Oracle Mass Surveillance Club. And people are gonna love it. Same people that uh, I mean the same people that always vote for all this shit. Let me see. This is another good one.

Hot news. Hot news. The IRS union. Yeah. Announced that they're endorsing Kamala Harris. The IRS endorsed Kamala Harris. I didn't think, I mean, I would have thought they wouldn't do it because that would be suicide, right? Like if Hitler rose from the dead and said, and everyone would say, hey, don't endorse me. Just keep it to yourself. Why why would they even release a statement? What the? Sent it out. Nobody wants to hear anything from the IRS Well, they they disagree. I guess I don't know I severely I was I was surprised by this This I'm surprised they ever release statements like this. Yeah, let me see. Kamala. Yeah. Harris critics sound off after their VP is endorsed by the IRS.

Is there a pedophile union that was busy over the weekend that couldn't get their pick in? Is there a league of rapists who want to go ahead and weigh in on who they want? Like, who's, I would prefer their pick. Hey, we're all the criminals have teamed up and we have an endorsement and the IRS has an endorsement. Which one are you gonna, which one do you hope wins?

The criminals. Not the, anybody but the I anybody but the I buddy Yeah, the most the worst organization on the fucking planet cuz it affects me. I know the most Directly, yeah, the worst impact on every Americans live is the fucking IRS Yeah, they go they explicitly go after the middle class and the lower middle class explicitly, uh, I Everything's upside down. I guess is the Is the moral of that one good times why they would choose to weigh in it. I don't know but they they did here's

Do you like video games? I like I like learning about What fires people up with regard to yeah yeah yeah people funny the fuck out it was like I thought of the the Lord of the Rings show I mean not you know I'm not video game but in like the fantasy realm yeah and how like been out of shape people got about a black elf. Well, I mean, why is elf black? It's an elf. Okay, so then why is he black? I can't get my head around it.

It's like, it's not real. Well then why is he fucking black? That's why. Why isn't he? Because none of the other ones are black. Do elves not have some kind of mutations over you know, mutations over the years or anything? Well, no. They're made out of light. So why would they have a mutation? Elves are made out of light?

I think so, yeah. They're magic. They're made out of magic. My point is... THEY AREN'T REAL! THEY DON'T EXIST! Yeah, so then why are they black then? Why are they black then? Why are they- Because it's just like always constantly black shit, black shit, black shit, black shit, like AHHHH GOD I mean, I just- Why is the dwarf black? The dwarf's underground. They got no sunlight.

How the fuck would it have too much mel- how would it evolve to have melanin? Are dwarves black? They had a black dwarf too. Oh, did they? Yeah, the wife. That I have a huge problem with. That's right, the wife. The wife was black.

But that's the point. It's like you guys, you always gotta cram this shit into fucking everything. She came from above ground dwarves for, you know. So are they different? Are the black dwarves like, are they racist? They all started black. All dwarves were black and all elves were black and then they went and and then they went they went north and turned white I don't think that is reflected. I don't think Tolkien

Laid that out in the similar outcome or whatever it is. I don't know. I think it's on page like 3341 okay, so then what so then what's the elf's n-word? You're telling me a society that's based entirely on racism. Like every... Like if you ask elves what they think about dwarves, they're like, we fucking hate dwarves. They're all racist, aren't they? They're extremely racist.

So then what is... So they're extremely racist, but there's a black elf, and they're like, he's just one of us. I don't think so. Well, no, that's to prove that they aren't racist. That's why he's included. Then where are the white orcs? Oh, well, they have Palestinian orcs now. That's to prove that they aren't racist. That's why he's included. Then where are the white orcs? Oh, well they're all-

They have Palestinian orcs now. They're all sort of like blue, aren't they? I mean, they're all kind of weird, this weird color. What? What weird? They're supposed to be like zombie-ish, you know? Where's the white one then? Shouldn't there be a white guy? Well, there was a white one, remember?

He's the guy with the cutoff, you know, not on the show, but he's the- Oh yeah, okay. He drives like this. Deedaday, deedaday. He's on that big ass wolf thing, you know? Yeah, that guy was cool. Yeah, he was cool.

Okay, he was a white... He was a white orc then. And he was... He was the boss. It seemed like it. Didn't it? Yeah, it did! He was the fucking boss!

Told everybody what to do. Hey wait, do you think Kamala's doing a Mexican accent here I know because my mom is white yeah my mom's white lived in LA we've lived in LA forever right so always Mexican cleaning ladies my dad is Mexican so I know when a white bitch is trying to do a condescending Mexican accent okay this is I know it immediately but I want to know what you think. Let me pull it up on the tube here. This is Kamala Harris talking at a, oops, talking at a... This is like Hillary Clinton when she was on the Black Morning Show,

and they said, what do you always like? I got hot sauce in my pocket! Hot sauce, everybody was like, oh, hot sauce, really. I mean, you can just imagine. You always carry hot sauce with you. Always. Yeah, always. At like 70. Yeah. That's something you like.

Right. Okay. Right, do you also carry a bucket for when your guts, you shit your guts out as soon as you- You carry a diaper? Yeah. How many diapers you got in that bag, honey? Right. Okay, she's at the Congressional Hispanic Caucus, all right, speaking to them.

Please, I love you back! I love you back! You don't know? People are torn. I love you back! Oh, I love you back! I don't know. It sounds... Oh, Misha, I love you back! I'm more like... She seems like really like... very giddy. You think it's the X very giddy. I don't like his an axe talking I don't know what's I don't know what this what the deal is It doesn't sound like her to me yeah, it sounds like something's going on. I don't know if it's an accent. It's weird

This bitch is weird man And then she was on Oprah and she said if somebody broke into her house, she'd shoot him. Did you see that? No, but I mean, like, you know. I've seen a lot of people say that. It never goes well for them. One thing I've learned is,

don't be talking about imaginary people you're gonna kill. Well, this goes back to the conversation at the start of the show where it's, you know, fantasize about talking to your daughter's boyfriend about... Dude, that's like, that's the male experience. If trans man ever breaks in, apropos of nothing, breaks into a fantasy threatening conversation that they're going to have with their five-year-old daughter's imaginary prom date in ten years, then I will say transition complete.

You did it. You nailed the male experience. That's 100%. I believe it. Here's the car. a prom date in 10 years, then I will say transition complete. You did it. You nailed the male experience. That's a hundred percent. I believe it. Here's the car. Park wherever you want. You know, I'm not even gonna tell you to top it up with gas

cause I know you'll do it cause you're officially a man. Right? Okay. Wow. Here. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was doing the video game.

Let me see You know the thing that is basically the worst part of every game Yeah, the character creation screen Because my girlfriend will just want to do it for hours. Yeah. Yeah, I've seen that I've seen that at my house You've seen that play out? I've seen it at my house. Yeah Fucking bitches Yeah UGH Yeah, I've seen that. I've seen that at my house. You've seen that play out? Seen it at my house, yeah. God, fucking bitches.

Yeah. Ugh! I'm like, all right, we're finished with the GTA V storyline, let's hop into online. Because first you need to create your character. I said, fuck, I'm going to bed. Knock yourself out. I'm going to bed for about 15 months.

15 months. Yeah. Wake me up when you've decided on the hairstyle. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Oh, you know what? Keep me updated. On second thought. I'm gonna know why you're picking what you're picking and ask me,

ask me which of these eyebrows I like better on this fucking fake character. Because you know that's my favorite thing to do in real life, is which one looks better. Elves don't have eyebrows! You know, like, you know what, on second thought, I think I wanna be a dragon. I wanna be dragging my dick across your face. Do the black elves, do they give each other a nod

when they see each other, or do they not see color either? That's a good question. See, you don't realize how much like, how much bullshit black elves introduced into the, wait a minute, what? Okay. Yeah, I think-

Are they choosing to be black? Because I think their elves are choosing to look the way they look. If they're- Now, I don't know that, I didn't know that they were made from light. It's very interesting. I think so.

This brings into, in which case, was somebody, you know, light, you would think they'd, yeah, they'd be all like light looking. Like translucent, like you can't really see them. Right, right. But you know, I don't know. Okay, let me see this one. This video game shit shit Here's the character creation screen. Yeah, I don't know if it's I don't know if it looks pretty stupid Incredible there are so many options and sliders from the usuals like hair color and style I shape noses all the way down to things like bulge size Bold your penis size. We got that Of course asymmetrical ears body and face tattoos eight different styles of glitter and

Look like shit, right? So apparently they have top like cutting your tits off scars too that you can You have like a double mastectomy years. I think it has to be a double. Yeah, I'm trying to find I'm trying I'm not telling the story very well But there's you can't make your tits bigger than like a handful So every character looks like a like an asexual- So they give you like crazy parameters Yeah

They're like don't really need to be there, but you can't do whatever you want with crazy parameters They give you crazy parameters like you can cut your tits off, but you can't make your tits bigger than a less than a handful Oh You know, here's a handful, you know? Here's a fat weirdo reacting to it. This is the audience, right? For this video game. Up next, a fat weirdo. Like you remember playing Ms. Pac-Man as a kid?

You're like, man, I wish Ms. Pac-Man was rocking some tits cutting off scars. That would really, that would really make, that would really make this, my enjoyment of this game complete. I just need to see the little... I need to feel represented. But he, him, she, her, and they, them, and then your gender is man, woman, non-binary. Love that. Love the inclusivity.

Top surgery scars are also included in this for all of our trans and non-binary rooks out there. I absolutely was blown away by this. And it's beautiful to see the inclusion in the game. It's beautiful to see these tits cut off scars in this character creation game. What the fuck? Who the fuck is this for?

So people just see that and go like, oh yeah, that's totally normal. I mean, people are just like, every year I get older, I realize how really profoundly dumb Every everybody is people as a whole right? It's I think I know yeah If you if you put this shit in a video game thousands of more people will cut their tits off I 100% believe it you know To see yourself represented, but he him

It's really amazing. Yeah. Uh, oh yeah. So you can have your tits cut off, but this is the extent of the ass that you could put on the game. See the glute size? Maxed out, right? That's a normal woman's ass.

Perhaps you've seen an ass before, right? I have. I have a farm This is the max size that you can give your unbelievable Yeah, yeah stupid Wow Okay, I'm buying this shit guys. Yeah, what buying it I think there are a lot of people who are like, you know, this just this just puts a fucking bad taste in my mouth I like I think they're I

This just puts a fucking bad taste in my mouth. I think they're keeping a lot of people from buying the game, but where it's like, do you have to do this with like everything? Is this really a battle? How many people do you think you can get by putting this in versus how many you alienate? Now, like, I don't care. Like, I think it's funny. Like, but it's like- I care about the, you can't make the tits big. Now, like, I don't care. I think it's funny.

But it's like- I care about the, you can't make the tits big. But I know. I know you do. I have a big problem with that. I know. But yeah, it's a bad analogy, but how many people are kept out from becoming hockey fans because there's fighting? There's no miss- oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like it's like, I mean, people love, I mean, it's been part of the game. Like I get it. When somebody fucking rides you into the boards with your elbow up, that's gonna end, you know, there's the argument that it polices itself because you're held accountable. It's like, it's why a pitcher throws at some guy

when their pitcher fucking hit. But like, it's like, can you get rid of fighting? Like, of course you can, but is it a net gain or loss? Yeah, yeah, I see what you mean. What more people like, cause I mean, I have had conversations with people where it's like, it just doesn't have any place in the sport. Like it's a beautiful sport without it.

And I'm just like, a beautiful sport because of, but it's always, it's, and that's the camp that I fall in. It's still men, it's still men doing physical acts. And everybody is aware. Yeah. It's not like somebody just gets blindsided out of nowhere. Yeah.

I mean, you know, I mean, that's called the dirty play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can be suspended for it. Yeah. But it's like, look, it's one of those things. Everybody, you know, everybody, there's an agreement. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with you. So, you know, I don't know.

I guess it's just that you let people fall where they may. But, you know, I wonder that sometimes, you know, would hockey be, because people look at it like, that's kind of like archaic. Like, but- The fighting in hockey? Yeah, like it just really, like you like you just I mean and then there's the people who just all they do is fight So you've never watched a game. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's I feel that way about this shit, too It's like I don't think you play video games you this big fat weirdo

Crying about how blown away they are first of all I don't want I don't want when playing Anything I don't want there to be any character creating at all. Yeah, I hate I hate that that exists. I really fucking hate it And I don't think it brings women into game video games in general to throw like retarded women shit in there and make games Like impossibly easy to do But yeah, I don't know Okay, here's them the girls. I know who play Video games are always all about the story Nah, fuck them. Okay, here's a... The girls I know who play video games are always all about the story.

Yeah, which I support. They like the story, like the story. I wanna know why the tits were cut off. Yeah. And how big they were. Yeah, yeah, sure. Okay, woman alert. Here's a... Woman alert.

Woman alert. I don't know, somebody sent this in. It's like chuckle every time. This is like a fucking air raid siren. Is this, this might be more of a fat watch too. I don't know. Yeah. This is a firehouse.

Were we talking about hating firemen last week? Yeah, it was last week or the week before. And maybe another week before. Yeah, but recently, sure. Here's some women doing a TikTok dance in a fire station. I think they're firemen. Look at the size of them. Yeah.

What do you think the ladders are made of? This firehouse. Look at this, boom. Boom. ["Get Just The Way You Are"] ["Get Just The Way You Are"] Uh, I don't know about this one, Sean. Yeah. They're showing up at a fire?

These fucking bruisers? Ooh, baby. Doing a dance to thank us for all the money. What are these girls doing? They're doing a new weight sets in the, the new granite countertops in the kitchen. We need to up the budget on the weight sets, lower the budget on the kitchen.

At the fire houses, I think. I need some sliders. Crank that kitchen budget down. Dude, from the people I know who are firemen. They're like ripped, aren't they? Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, but they, dude, it's like a frat house. Yeah.

Like you, it's like, itat house. They never, like you, it's like, it makes me super jealous in that like, 99% of the time is like, they're not doing anything, they're fucking around all the time. So they introduced Mexican women to that, Latinas to that atmosphere, and they ballooned up like a house, I guess. I don't know what's happening here, but I don't like it.

Okay. We got to defund it. Okay. I don't like the dancing. I just read your quote or your... I'd rather burn to death than be seen by this hairy piece of shit. We're going back to basics. We are. Yeah, I don't know man. Why did they have uniforms this size to fit them? Yeah, I don't know man. Why did they have uniforms this size to fit them? Yeah, well. It's peculiar. A lot of questions that I have regarding this.

Sure. Fat women dancing. Squatters take over a $6.5 million mansion. Oh, that's funny. See, that's good. Take it, guys. Squatters, what time is it? One, okay.

Oh, let me check and make sure the girl didn't get lost. Cause that will happen. Yep. Nope, squatters take over. Do do do do do. Oh man, I think I read that they're making the Dominion voting machine guys testify in that trial over the whatever that pillow guy got sued by them for voting machines. Oh, right, right, right.

Oh, that's I remember the pill guy. Yeah. Which is hilarious because like from a computer security point of view, those are like totally worthless. They have been tested, like at every DEFCON event, they're immediately broken into. Multiple like academic computer science researchers have said, oh, these are total trash.

And the way they describe how they work is just preposterous. As a computer guy you hear that and they're like, that's fucking crazy, don't use those. Like whatever you do, do not use those. But the irony is, the people who are going to rake them over the coals for it are like the biggest retards on the planet. So the guys, I'm like, fuck! Please, please, and they can, fuck! Right. You know?

Please, please. And they don't, they can't identify what's a smart computer guy or not. So they're going to get some other scam artists in there. Like this is, we have, you guys have one shot at nailing these guys. This just goes to, this just, this just- They're definitely guilty. But this just goes to, you know, I think I mentioned a few weeks ago, like, it's like, what are our leaders, our elected leaders,

you could easily find 10,000 people in the United States who are head and shoulders more qualified than any of these people all the way up to the president. Dude, honestly, you could pick any random person in America and ask them, who's the smartest person you know, and then go to them and ask them who's the smartest person you know and then go to Them and say who's the smartest person you know you do that six times you you will find somebody who's infinitely better at running the country than Than every president we've ever had truly brave that

It's like we only need six votes to figure out how to fix the country because the guy you end up on is gonna say Oh, yeah, it's well, it yeah, all this stuff you guys are doing is really, really fucked up crimes. It's like the pyramid scheme that works. You know, like it's, and then they tell six people, then they tell six, it's not that, but it's like, yeah, you can actually, just those degrees of separation.

Yeah. Who's the smartest guy you know? You probably only need like three. You know, you can find a fucking crack addict on Skid Row and say, who's the smartest crack addict you know? Right, he can get off of Skid Row and into Bel Air within six. Yeah. Like, Oh, I know this one crack addict who's really smart. He used to be like a, you know, material sciences expert. So that's something,

you know? He's like, Oh yeah, I know. I actually know this guy, this guy who's really smart. I don't want to see degrees and shit. Cause that shit doesn't matter. That would be a really interesting experiment to do to see how far removed from where one person starts they could get to in the fewest amount of steps. I'd be fascinated by that. Um, okay, what was that? Oh yeah, the squatters. I thought it was funny because it's like, well, I know you guys are gonna blow it like the Trump like the Trump assassin guys Yeah, I'm sure you guys have guys that can shoot right for some reason you use these MK Ultra homeless weirdos to do it. So maybe you need to upgrade

Maybe you need to like fire up Jack Black or George Clooney or somebody to get them to kill Trump like this This what you're doing is not gonna work get Alec Baldwin to do it in now. Yeah, they're totally inept Get Alec Baldwin to do it. Inept. Yeah, they're totally inept. God, and they're running with this idea that they're Republicans who are trying to kill Trump, which just makes me so angry. I wanna spit.

I mean, the one high school kid, I mean, it was more, he was pissed off at everybody, wasn't he? Yeah, let's go with that. Yeah, I don't know much about the second guy who was on the golf course. He's insane. Yeah, people have fucking problems. Okay, let me see.

Oh yeah, the squatters. Squatters have taken over. Oh, watch it again. Well, everybody knows about Taggart Towers in downtown. Well now they oh, yeah, they did that Remember they tagged that whole building downtown Look this mansion six million dollar mansion is just tagged Totally to shit like all over it looks like a subway tunnel up in the Hollywood Hills. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, look at that.

That's wild. So they're walking around up there dealing with like, they took a fucking fentanyl addicts. Took a long weekend, I guess. Fuck that's so. Of the Holland and the Fountainview. There are houses that are, that sit empty up there where it's- This one is a little bit different

than the problem that they were having in the downtown area because they- Yeah, look at the houses. It's crazy. Look at this. Isn't that funny? Yeah. That's amazing.

And look at how much time this must have taken. All of this shit. Oh, I know. Jesus. No, those people have been gone for years probably. Oh yeah. But they probably have, I mean they must, there must be people who come around from time to time and make sure that like the water line didn't burst or something. What are they gonna do? Because the cops won't kick anybody out. No, but I mean like yeah, I mean. yeah, there's a bunch of squatters in there, like oh fuck. Are there a bunch of people like living in there full time? And yeah, no, people who are coming around

on behalf of the homeowner are like, hey, fuck this, this ain't my job. Yeah, yeah, like I'm not getting paid enough to deal with- Right, to get stabbed or something, like yeah. The homeowners in the area were attacked with steel rebar and beer bottles. Oh, sure, I've never read that. Every time we call, they'll come and clear it out.

And then within an hour or two, five more people are there staying the night. Oh, so they do. So they're clearing it out and people are just, yeah, what are you gonna do? Yeah, what are you gonna do? Kill them. Let's ask the AI.

Oh, what the AI say? Kill them. Oh, what can the AI do about what white men are doing? How can we get them? White men with jobs. What does the AI say we could do to them? Well, this whole- Taxes and fees, taxes and fees. Here here's a this is a funny Newsom quote

Maybe it's too much politics. Yeah Little bit. It's just funny. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty funny. This one's pretty funny Well, you know, I mean like I'll be the first one to say Newsom Newsom is a kind of a you know That they used to call limousine liberal. Yeah, yeah I mean let's here's here's what he says governor Newsom argued against the measure it's about mass incarceration it's about bringing it back to 1980s mindset the impact is gonna have on the black and brown community is next level but to know that the proposal is arresting criminals yeah yeah yeah so it's impact it's gonna have on the black community,

black and brown communities. Yeah. Bro, what? Yeah. Okay. Sun downtowns, blah, blah, blah. Let's read some comments. Young people milestones.

Oh, that's kind of a bummer. They just don't have kids in their own houses anymore because they can't afford it. No, no, no. Okay, Dick Smith says, hey, Dick, don't listen to the other F slurs in the comments. This is the best drama in years. I don't think I've had this much fun

listening to the podcast since the Facebook group schism episode. I think everyone either forgot that this was a gossip show or they're too new to the show to know. And this is talking about the bonus app or something? The veto fighting. Yeah, so you snatched them back from the brink? Yeah, I gave him half the trademark on a bonus episode. You did?

Yeah. Yeah. Which? As an incentive for him to stop and think or? Well, you know, people were joking about like firing Vito. Yeah. And I thought, well, that's, I think they're joking, but it's's kind of... It's not really a joke, the way it's being treated. And I don't like that Vito feels like that he can be fired,

and I think that's like... I don't like that. I was fired off of a show. I didn't like how it felt. So, I'm like, okay, this is... I mean, I don't really believe that names mean stuff. Like, it's just people doing a show. You can't really replace them. It's not the same show.

Well, no, no, of course not. You know? Yeah. But there was too much truth in it for my comfort level. Well, this is the thing where it's like, you might think something's absurd is funny. The other people might think like it's true. Yeah, they're like, I don't like that. So I'm just gonna do this.

I'm gonna make a little change. Okay, you, cause you know, for the longest time it was, well, this doesn't really matter. And plus if anyone gets sued, it's gonna be me, right? I've been sued before. Yeah, I know. You know, it's not a big deal to me. I'm not, I's gonna be me. Right. I've been sued before. I know. It's not a big deal to me.

I don't really care. But I think the integrity of the show is now in jeopardy more than the threat of being sued. Got it. Got it. So I make a little change. Plus it's a bonus episode. It was great.

People really, some people were crying at it. Really? Yeah. They admitted online that they were crying at the bonus episode. It was great. People really, some people were crying at it. Really? Yeah. They said, they admitted online that they were crying at the bonus episode. Wow. Cause I gave them the scroll, see? I'm giving you half the trademark, the biggest problem. What did he say?

I think he said, thank you. Yeah. Was he like, was he blown away kind of or? I don't know about blown away. Or just kind of. He got it was that it was, you know, funny too. Yeah, I got it. You know, try to refocus everything on like, we're here to do a show.

And the show must go, the show must go on. It must go on no matter what. That's the real important lesson. No matter what your emotions are. Vito says he's not doing a circus. Ironically, that phrase comes from the circus. It shows whatever's happening. Not doing a circus.

He said he's not doing gay drama anymore. And then the first thing he says on the last episode is, hey, there's this E-celebrity that says you did cocaine with him at VidCon. I'm like, isn't this? So the drama is okay if it's about me. Yeah, I probably did. What? I don't keep a fucking journal. Why are you bringing this? And he's like, uh, uh, what is it? What are you doing right here?

This is, I thought you weren't about this anymore. Whatever, I don't care. Crimson Shin. The guy talking about his friend going crazy on SSRIs. My good friend in college would also have weird outbreaks after he was prescribed. He would do almost exactly what you say. You know what he was prescribed? No. I mean, I'm assuming he's SSRIs.

He doesn't write it down. Yeah. He would do almost exactly what you say, but a bit worse than just text. We'd get into fights in the middle of bars. He stopped and went back to normal after he stopped his prescription, calmed down the drinking.

Still close friends today. Well, look, there are, I do know, number one, I think anything is possible. You know, like with, it's so funny because it shows you how different people, you different people react so differently to what is great for one person has no effect on the next. It's like, you gotta try something else. And they don't really know why.

They don't know why. Some work better for some people and others, and you find the right one, you go, okay, this has the fewest side effects and the most benefit. And then it's, yeah. Okay, this has the fewest side effects and the most benefit. And then it's, yeah. And so I'm sure their, you know, agitation, things like that can absolutely be a side effect.

Yeah. That's a side effect of liquor too. But what I was gonna say, yeah. I do know some doctors, psychiatrists in particular, I do know some doctors, psychiatrists in particular, who if the person demonstrates that they have like a drug or alcohol problem, they won't see them because it's- Psychiatrists? Yes, because there's, I won't take you on as a patient

because there's too many variables. Yeah. Like we're trying to, we're putting chemicals in you to hopefully help, but if you also like to do a bunch of blow or speed or whatever, yeah, you got too many variables going on here. Well, GPs don't care. And that's who's given out 70% of the SSRIs.

Sadly, yeah. They don't give a shit. The skinny fucking bitch that tells me I'm too fat every time I see her doesn't fucking care about any of that She wants me on SSRIs. You would like to immediately you would like to think that Cuz of my weight people with important will do not go on SSRIs for your weight. You will gain weight That is what I'm not going as their eyes ever. No, but that is I'm not depressed. Yeah, most people yeah It's very rare that the side effect is weight loss

Yeah, most people, yeah, it's very rare that the side effect is weight loss. Yeah! Most people gain weight if you're gonna do anything with them. I don't know why she would want to fucking fiddle around with my brain. Why would she even suggest that? Because I'm the only person in the entire world that tells their doctor how many drugs they do. Oh yeah? She's like, oh god, we gotta get you. I'm like, I'm the least, I do almost the least out of everybody I know.

And they're all fucking lying to you. How do you not know that? It's, it's, I mean, you would like to think that... No, no, no, no. I do almost the least out of everybody I know. And they're all fucking lying to you. How do you not know that? I mean, you would like to think that- Don't tell you that in medical school, that everybody's fucking lying to you? Certain professions should be held to a higher standard or whatever,

but sadly, it's like most people are just okay at their jobs. Some are bad at their jobs. Some are excellent. Especially to a young chick. I know what you've been feeding your brain with for the last 20 years. Come talk to me in 20 more years. And you won't have this reaction.

I do actually prefer a doctor to be like older than me. Yes. Yeah. LibFud said, I got an email from my company's medical insurance provider that they now cover medically necessary breast reductions. That's tremendous Gotcha. Okay. Well Because they're too fat a terrible

Traffic sign. How can a bus say something so brave? This is from Austin when all out when all out dads with daughters are so silent Okay, buddy. I'm gonna need you to wait all out dads with daughters are so silent. Okay, buddy, I'm gonna need you to- Wait, all out dads with daughters? Is that a club? Like, welcome to all out dads with daughters. Here's the bus sign. Everybody put your keys in the big bowl.

Oh, I wish that was my daughter. I'd really have a pretend conversation about a man who is going to not respect her. Right. Um... With my pants off. Yeah, okay. Here's the...

Oh, man. Here's the brave bus sign he's talking about. Or I don't know if you can call that talking. Oh, is this one of those things like this might be... Oh, yeah, that's what I thought it was. So this bus has an ad that says, look at the difference between me, and it's a quote on the bus sign, on the bus. It says, look at the age difference

between me and the man I'm traveling with. He's not my dad. We're supposed to assume that. He's my trafficker? Uh-huh, yeah. What the fuck? So if you see, it's not like, it couldn't be a daughter or a granddaughter.

It's more than likely. It's a human trafficking situation. A human trafficker. What's the quote attribute, it couldn't be a daughter or a granddaughter. It's more than likely. It's a human trafficking situation. What's the quote attribute? LA County clerk? Huge retard. Survivor of child sex trafficking. Okay. Okay.

Are you sure? This was, I would guess that- What the fuck? This was just written by an ad person. Like, you know, it was written by an ad person. Like it's... Man, people are just getting off imagining that there's like, if pedophiles and rape and racism

happening at a scale in this country that has never been existed. Oh no, I know, but that's the media. That's for clicks. That's what you you think for like all of this is going on. NGOs like here I have this I made this company that raises awareness of child trafficking so I can get money. So give me money and I'll run this shit on ads. If this were a real quote it would be attributed to an actual person who is out in the public working on behalf to stop this.

I'm pretty sure that people who were trafficked and have gotten out of it and now work to make sure it doesn't happen to other people have said quotable things. Yeah, but then the last time they did that. Survivor of child sex trafficking. It's just a made up source to a made up quote written by an ad guy.

Like I know it's just supposed to get you to think. I get it. The last person that did that, that was an out and out, like an advocate against child trafficking, turned out they were lying. I remember that. So it turns out that people who have been trafficked don't really want to go make a career out of it.

I don't think. But some will. They don't speak English too well. But there are some people who do. Like most people don't, sure, they want to deal with it and leave it and not relive it all the time. And there are smaller percentage of people who do take up a cause because it's like,

this shouldn't happen to anybody. There's a crossover between people running agencies whose primary function is to boost the appearance of horrible crimes, like child trafficking and rape. There's a crossover with them and people who are selling products that benefit from living in a society where everyone's heightened emotional state

is making them more receptive to advertising, eating food, buying expensive things, running up their credit. That's what we need AI for. I know this, but the AI is going to be able to break it down and explain it. We don't need AI to figure out who's stealing all the bikes and squatting in mansions. We already know. I've always said, people create like incredible inventions with amazing, powerful attributes and then use them for the worst thing possible.

Ever. Instead of getting all this wealth of information on your own and stuff like that, it's like, what do we use it? We use it to split up families because we're so pissed off at each other. look at the age difference between me and the man I'm traveling with so if you're like a hot girl, and you're with an older guy, right? Or I guess a guy I don't know stupid all right

Okay This like the neighborhood crime watch yeah, but it's on like all women now You know? What? The neighborhood crime watch thing that's in neighborhoods. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. To tell criminals that like you're being watched. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that is everywhere about women.

Got it. Hey dude, we're onto you. Right. We women are kind of really, really scrutinizing your age. Brainiacs is parallel parking. Hi, it's Brainiacs is parallel parking. Hi, it's Brainiac again.

And I wanted to take a moment to thank you for being such a positive influence in the world. You're welcome. It's about time someone has thanked me for this. Just before writing this, 28H, oh, he's using the size of the boobs as the name. Okay, that's too much. I want-

28H? That's really tiny. Tiny. Is that Asian? Oh? That's really tiny. Tiny! Is that Asian? Oh, it's about parallel parking? Oh, okay. 28H. Yeah, with bolt-ons.

Thanks for- Yeah, it could be. That's crazy small. Teaching her how to parallel park. I mean, the 28. Yeah, something she has done for over half a decade. However, I can't take all the credit because my actions were inspired by you. Several years ago, while driving through downtown, she muttered, oh, thank God you're driving. I can't take all the credit because my actions were inspired by you several years ago while driving through downtown

She muttered oh, thank God you're driving. I can't parallel park in that moment. I recall dick stating It's unacceptable women can get a license without performing this simple maneuver. Well, I mean Well, they took they took it out a long time ago. Yeah Yeah, I mean I took it out I decided to gamble stopping her car immediately and told her you're doing this. 28H wanted to negotiate while car horns were blaring in the background. I said, but I said those drivers were all waiting on her. I placed myself at the edge of the parking spot as a marker for how much space she had to work with.

I was a foolish young man, assuming the worst case scenario would be a broken leg with guilt tripping her around longer. The car jerked forward and my mind flooded with all the Asian driving stereotypes that she is Asian. Imagine my relief when her compact car stopped two to three inches before my shins. She claims that the image is burned forever in her memory, which includes where other objects were for reference. Oh, so he traumatized her into learning how to build a car. God damn.

No, that works. I mean, like 99 times out of a hundred that results in amputation. Yeah. Of the wife. I would not have done that. Yeah, yeah. Lost the whole thing.

Yeah. You are doing something dumb in this scenario. You got lucky. Yeah, you left that. Asian, big tits, and woman. Any one of those three's dangerous levels of incompetence, especially in the car, you know, and you combine them.

Is this the three stooges effect that actually worked out that couldn't all fit through the door jam and nobody got in? If I see any woman with big tits, I go, man, no one has corrected her ever, probably. She's probably got some real crazy shit going real crazy ideas could be a quick search of my messages show 382 thank you texts. I thank you for each of them. Oh Well, I can make one woman slightly more bearable. You've made the world a better place. Yep Thank you Wow PS. I'm bumping my patreon up in hopes that you'll get some newspapers back in the studio

You did nothing wrong in that scenario. You're a genius. Oh She's here. Oh tell her to come in. What's maybe she just got here? Michael says cellulite is beautiful says it right in the title. Okay We'll do a little mini fat watch here cellulite is beautiful See what we got here, Sean. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh's another question. Oh, what is this? There are people who look like that, though, where you're just like, that is that's crazy. Oh, oh, she has a normal ish upper body.

It does. The one where she's sitting, the one where she's sitting looks fake. Yeah, this has gotta be fake. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. The walking on this looked fake. Did it?

It looks a little bit fake. It's hard to tell with all the 4K shit and they're doing it in slow motion. I mean, I guess you could dig a little deeper and probably find out if this is a real person. I mean. Yeah, I'm gonna say this has gotta be fake. She's on a horse here. I mean, yeah, I'm going to say this has got to be fake. She's on a horse here.

I can't really tell which is a boy. The horse is. I don't know, man. That's that's movement. I know she there are people who look like this. It's just you're not used to seeing them with that kind of face or you know what I mean? Yeah.

Oh my god, her ass is as big as the fucking horses! Yeah, you know, oddly, like weirdly fat. Yeah. This is mesmerizing. Yeah, I know. She's riding a bicycle with this? Oh no! Dude.

That looks real. I know, That's crazy. Oh boy. Okay. That is crazy. I didn't need to see that today. Thanks. Thanks. I can't look away. I have to get rid of it.

All right. Menstruation and sumo. Hey Dick, your bid on decolonizing periods reminded me of something. Oh, she just got here, okay. Women are not allowed in the sumo ring. That's what I thought. No exceptions.

They've chased off nurses who rushed in to help a collapsed man. Oh really? Yeah. Wow, female mayors of towns hosting events stand at a little platform next to the ring instead of on it like normal. Yeah. They're not allowed to get in the ring for ceremonial hair cutting when a wrestler retires so they need special arrangements where the wrestler moves from the middle to the edge to allow her to reach from the side. Wow. Yeah because it's like

a little that's it's the suo ring is really fucked, because it's like a little the SUA ring is really fucked up because it's not it's not good enough to you push them out of there. No, but then there's a then there's a little ledge that they fall off. If they get shrugged on their feet. Yeah.

And they get all fucked up. Yeah. As opposed to just like, oh, I pushed you out of the ring like I went. It's like, oh, no, we got to make sure that it's just tall enough for them to fuck themselves. Yeah. like I went it's like oh no we got to make sure that it's just tall enough so you can fuck themselves yeah yeah yeah yeah

why are they so harsh to women they shed blood so it's impure menstruation is evil yeah sure well Japan knows what they're doing um this cracked me up hey dick this cracked me up from Dylan. See the attachments. Here's the article in case you want it. Portland Mayor Hope, Mayorial Hopeful, Carmen Rubio, dogged by driving records. Damages parked Tesla. Damages of parked Tesla and then walks away. Here's the- All on camera and that's, yeah, that's, you know,

hey, that's a character question right there. You know, I mean that's yeah Maybe some people will support it though Rubio in a statement probably said Acknowledge that when she pulled into a parking spot quote Mm-hmm. I felt my car bump or lift slightly. Concerned, I checked for damage to the neighboring car, a Tesla.

Seeing none, I went to my appointment. Yeah, now- Seeing none? Well, I mean- You keep looking. Well, I'd like to see the car. Yeah. You know?

Because you can look at it and go, oh please, of course you saw that. Or it's like, huh, I'm surprised. Oh boy, there's like, I can't really see much. Her lengthy statement also noted she apologized repeatedly after the Tesla owner reached out to her. The episode occurred four days after the Oregonian Oregon Live revealed that Rubio had racked up 150 parking in traffic. She wants to be mayor to get out of the traffic tickets over 20 years and had her license suspended six times. Oh my god. Now she's got a collection.

I knew it would go like that. So yeah, she's definitely, yeah. I couldn't believe it. All the time she'd get in like fender benders. Yeah, oh yeah. And she didn't care. Let me see this article, it sounds kind of funny. Christ. Maybe they show it. Mm-hmm

Rubio, is that what it was? Yeah. Yeah. Portland, yeah. Uh, oh. It's just her. I don't think they show the Tesla. Oh. Huh. Ah, no Tesla, come on, man, let's see the wreck. I would hope it would have, well yeah, it would have been good if the,

cause the owner reached out to her, right? So he could have also provided the paper with a photo of the damage of the car, the alleged damage of the car. That, you know, most likely, if you felt your car hit something or lift up, you're probably at least gonna, I would imagine that-

Find what you hit. There'd be a, I would imagine there'd be at least a scuff. I'm not saying- On your car, at least. It might not, you know, dimple the metal or plastic or whatever you hit. Maybe, I don't know, maybe there was none, but. Her car got, actually both of our cars got hit.

Really? With a little side swiping shit, you know? Somebody backing out of a spot. So fucking annoying. I know, and what you can't do, it is annoying. They got a body, they gotta start, I need a recorder on the car all the time to find those fuckers.

No shit. It's just, yeah. Costs 300 bucks damage to my car, you son of a bitch. Capacious says, hello, come on in please. Oh, thank God, Mattie's on a leash. Please, please come in. What should we, what do you prefer to be called? Dalish? Okay, come in. Please sit we, what do you prefer to be called?

Dalish, okay. Come in, please sit down, sit down, sit down. Sean, fire up a... Yeah, got one already. Okay. You're just in time for a very exciting event. Vito wears those, so. Check one, check one, you hear us? That's terrible.

Does that help at all? That does? Yeah. OK, that's yours. Right there. Vito's got sebum. Do you know what that is? What?

Do you know what that is? He's talked about this. Sebum? Sebum. What's sebum? He volunteered this information for some insane reason. OK, what is it? It's when your head leaks some sort of a cheese.

That's sebum with a B. And you're making me wear his headphones. No, those, I was lying about that. No, he wears those ones that are over there that aren't those. Okay. How you doing? Thanks for coming in. Oh, I'm good, thank you for having me.

Get a right on that, right on the microphone. Eat the mic, got it. Eat the mic, yeah, okay. Sean, it's time for a very special... Dalish! I get to fail in front of our guest immediately. See how I set people up? Like this? And you're on OnlyFans, right?

Yeah. Okay, what's your OnlyFans? Dirty Dalish. Dirty Dalish. How dirty are we talking? What's the... I mean, I don't pee like Mint does, but we get pretty dirty over there.

Mint pees? Women do pee, yes. I mean, on can. They do a lot of things we don't like. Yeah, Mint's. Some of us do. Yeah, she does like piss stuff, I think. Okay.

She likes it. I'm sure that's a big, I mean, a lot of people are into that shit. Yeah, women are. Really? Yeah, what do you think? Is it more women or men that are into piss stuff? Women pee a lot more than men.

I mean, I don't have a piss kink, so I can't answer this question. You can't answer that? No. I know. A lot of people do. Okay, here's the animal. And remind me to read this. Let's just say I know I move on no no no no

We've got Sean's being called out by Fuckface Sanchez fuckface Sanchez not him. He knows everything He says if you get any of these right he'll immediately run outside and commit a hate crime Oh God, if you get any of them wrong, he owes you owe him $10 But I don't think he can enforce that so let's see $10 Okay, okay Sean did you know this is the game where we ask Sean if he knew these animal facts right? It's I'm it's it's the honor system. Yeah, like it only works with him because anyone else would say they're long would lie Do you really like animals or is this just something you have no knowledge about? No, no, I I know I know a bit about

He knows about everything about animals, everything. But I get stumped a lot on this show. Because they're looking shit up. Oh, I know. I think so too. You're arguing with a million people. I know. Who are trying to stump you on purpose,

and you're still not getting stumped. That's what makes it so funny. Sure. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Did you know that? I did know that. See? Did you know that?

No. Not even close. That would never have come close to knowing that. And you knew it right away. Sean, one, fuck face, zero. Okay. Bats always go to the left when they exit a cave. Did you know that? No. Is it true? We don't know. An elephant is the only animal with four knees. Because like a, if you picture a gazelle because it bends back with like the joint bends back.

I don't know. Is that true? Depends what you define as a knee. If it's a knee like our knees. That's shady. Wait a minute. What about horses? Yeah. Horses bend. What about Lizzo? She's shady. Wait a minute. What about, what about horses? Yeah. Horses bend. What about Lizzo?

She's got four knees for sure, doesn't she? No, no, wait a minute. No, the horse's lower leg bends the other way, doesn't it? A knee is only the one in the front? It's a misconception. Look at that. Okay. Yeah.

Okay, misconception. Elves don't even have four knees. Okay, so they're, yeah, they're calling the front elbow. They, you know, it was something that was adapted to. So this idiot didn't look at us. So it's like us crawling around on all fours. I'm gonna DQ that one. I know elephants stand on their toes.

Okay. Like they don't, you know, they're basically walk like this. You can't see it in the, yeah. I have credit for that one. Okay. They're actually scared of mice? Because it's a real thing. I heard that it was not a real thing.

They did it on MythBusters. Did they? And it was real? Yeah. That was, that's what I always heard. They made me do that in school. Maybe watch it. But then they said, no.

Is that what school is? There's rats around me. When did you go to school? They're just watching MythBusters all day? There's good stuff on there. Did you homeschool? Yeah. How was that?

Was it weird? No. It was bad? It was bad. What was it? I had to get out and go to OnlyFans. I don't know if that's not really a ringing endorsement for homeschool. What was homeschooling like? My brother bullied me. Oh, your brother was the bully in class? Oh my god, you can't escape bullies No matter where you go. Were you guys in the same class? Fucking teacher god, you can't escape bullies, look, no matter where you go. Were you guys in the same class? Fucking teacher wouldn't do shit. Yeah, we were twins, so. Oh, you were twins?

I mean, we are twins, not like he died or anything. Wait, what? They're still twins. Oh, often not like he died or anything. How long did you go to home school for? Like, until high school or the whole thing? Five years. Five years!

Wow, and you never have to go to school. That'd be fucking amazing. I've been like my eighth grade teacher, so that's when I decided I'm out. You left school at eighth grade. Oh man, do you remember hearing about people who would do that when we were in high school? Like some guy just quit school? Yeah. That sounded amazing.

We didn't quit school, but... Home school though. Yeah. You're watching Mythbusters. That's not... You got to watch videos in school, but... Home school though. Yeah. Watching Mythbusters. Yeah. That's not... You got to watch videos in school, right? Yeah. The robot one?

Mostly about the Holocaust, like how bad it was. Not current shows though. Yeah, not television shows. We watched stuff from like 20 years before us. We didn't watch stuff that was good. I think it wasn't airing anymore by the time that I watched the video, so... Alright. Okay. Okay, watched the video. Alright. Okay.

Okay, the tiebreaker. Okay. This is for you or Fuckface? Anybody's game. Fuckface. Ants have as good of a smell as dogs. Ants have an incredible sense of smell. There you go.

John wins. What? Fuckface gets to go commit hate crimes. Sean's Animal Corner. Shawn wins. What? Fuckface gets to go commit hate crimes. Uh. Shawn's Animal Corner. It's fucking. Dirty Dalish. That's so great. How dirty are we talking?

I haven't left that yet. Not clean. Not clean. Definitely not clean. Like threesomes and stuff. What are you doing over there? Not pissed off. I mean, not recorded. I've had, well, no, it doesn't count because I didn't do anything with Riley. And I was with him.

Oh, thank God. The bed was too full of piss. Didn't want to get piss all over the sheets. I keep a very clean house. Okay. Liam writes in, you asked, with reasons not to like Riley. I think we've had enough Riley talk. Oh, really?

Fair enough. Okay, Dalish, you've got some news in front of you. Do you want to read some of these news stories? I don't know. That's what we're doing here. Well, I was supposed to read this in a bikini and I do have a bikini. By all means, go change into the into the bikini. I'm sure everyone would appreciate that. I have some advice questions while we wait. Oh good. At least Uh, four, yeah, go fuck yourselves. Okay. Excuse me.

There we go. Residential parking. Sopecia says, TDS insane people voting. Howdy, I'm listening to the episode where you're talking about doctors influencing wackos to vote. Remind me to put this back up when she comes back. I keep thinking how weird and evil it is that the left wants all the uninformed people deciding who's in charge. What do you call the autistic numerical obsession with everyone being represented in a direct democracy? I want

constitutional representation, not the current version of the left's ideal. All right, I might be too much. Whatever. Yeah. Well, you don't get it. Sorry. It's not happening. Um... Uh... Oh, did I really not bring any... advice? Shit.

Uh... That was very fast. That was fast! Holy shit! Oh my god, you are tiny! How tall are you? Uh, 5'2". 5'2"? Oh my god, you are tiny. How tall are you? Uh, 5'2". 5'2"? Oh my god. You're very... Vito would be losing his mind if someone this so small is in the studio.

Make of that what you will. What do you weigh like, under a hundred pounds? Uh, 83 pounds. Oh my god! I don't know if I've ever met somebody who is lighter than that. I think that's a hate crime, technically. Being that small. Against Vito? Against fat women, yeah. Vito is a woman, yeah.

What's your secret to being so petite? Five years of depression? That's my secret too. As it turns out. I don't know why either How's only fans going for you I Mean good good great great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, are you are you responding to everyone who? Rides to you or do you have like an Indian firm of Indian guys? Doing it because that's what I hear is happening more and more.

Really? Outsourcing that. Yeah they're getting sued. They're getting a class- only fans getting class action sued because they- because so many women are farming out there getting guys off to Indian men. Oh god. How about that shit? Does that make them feel gay? To which I say it's a hundred percent gay. Yeah

I mean I don't do that though. So you don't do that I I'm also not good at responding to my messages So you don't have to worry about it being Indian guys, but I might not respond. Oh, you're just not gonna respond to them Yeah, that's normal. That's fine Yeah, a blue moon. What's like the creepiest stuff you've gotten sent to you? Sent to me? Yeah, like with a DM. Oh, okay.

Shoot. I don't know. Oh, she's not like... Thanks for reminding me, Sean. I'm sorry. I'm not watching the screen. You did it so fast. I was like, oh great, I've heard this, I'm going to go change.

And it's like 45 minutes later. No, I know. It was like a minute and a half. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not watching. It's so fast. I was like, oh great. I've heard this I'm gonna go change and it's like 45 minutes. No, I know it was like a minute and a half Yeah, we didn't get to give any priceless advice that we usually do. Yeah, people stopped writing me for advice. That's good

I think that's good. Yeah Do guys ask you for advice on like talking to women and stuff? Yeah, they do. Yeah What do you do about like to women and stuff? Yeah. They do? Yeah. What do you lie to them about? She doesn't write back. Like, be yourself and stuff like that? What do you say to them? I tell them that they're handsome. That they're handsome?

What a horrible thing to say. No, I don't know. I try to tell people to get out there. And sometimes they message me back, and they're like, hey, I got a girlfriend. Thanks. had done sub to you so oh that's bad for you yeah yeah well actually okay one of the creepiest things is this one guy he asked me to follow him on Instagram and I out of curiosity I went to look at his Instagram only to find out he had a wife and she just had a baby. Oh

Yeah, I Couldn't I didn't follow him. I wasn't trying to homewreck at that point. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty bad He wasn't hot enough. What about who just had who just had a baby out of wedlock was it Dave Grohl? Oh, yeah I think so. Yeah. Did you see that? Yeah. What do you think? Pretty cool, I think. I mean, I think he's pretty ugly, but.

He is pretty ugly. Good for him, I guess. Isn't he a little old to be having babies out of wedlock? Don't you think? He could say that about a lot of men. He's a rock star. I guess. The rules are different.

Was that Italian that just had a baby? Who was it? Which Italian? Oh God, I don't know. Al Pac. Who's that Italian that just had a baby? Who was it? Which Italian? Oh god, I don't know. Al Pacino? Is that the Italian? That sounds about right. God, man.

He's in his 80s. That's fucking crazy. No, I think it would be cool. Can you imagine growing up and being able to say like, Al Pacino's my dad? Yeah, he's dead. But that was my dad. You'd have to explain to your friends who Al Pacino is. Seriously.

He's the Dunkin' Donuts guy in the Adam Sandler movie. Yeah, the Dunkacino guy. That's so sad. It is, isn't it? OK, please read us. You have a beautiful voice and a beautiful everything. Wow. What is it like being a ginger?

I'm not a natural redhead, So okay. Can you yeah, yeah ginger I think it is more selective like a like strawberry blonde or anything like that. I don't even really consider ginger Yeah, no, I don't think so. Okay. I just like to do red because you know, no soul Well, anyway anyone want to truth truth and advertising. Yeah No soul. Oh well. Anyway, anyone wanna talk about- Truth in advertising. Yeah. Anyone wanna talk about Diddy? Yes.

I do. I do. Oh geez. How many bottles of lube do you have in your apartment? Jesus. Or your house. What? It's an honest question.

Three? Three? How many bottles of lube do you have in your domicile Sean? There's at least a couple yeah, right At least a couple okay read please read that story Lubatorium that didn't answer him a couple a couple I have some in this room right now Those are actually bigger than what I have some in this room right now. Yeah, I saw those. Those are actually bigger than what I have.

Oh, me too. I don't have any dildos that are smaller than my penis. There's not a big market for that. You know what? I have never seen a micro penis like dildo before. Excuse me, I didn't say micro penis. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying that. She's saying you're telling the truth. That's true. But there's a lot of range between micro penis and...

No. Yeah. But what if, though? Some lady out there does want to get like a micro penis dildo. Yeah. There's no market for it. They have those packers. Have you seen that? Can you crank up her volume a little bit?

No. The Packers? No. They're for like, um. Football team? Yeah. The Packers are selling Packers. Hold on, let me.

So men use this not, not, not trans men. It's for trans men, yeah. Oh, okay, okay, got it, got it, got it. They're like fake wieners that they put in their pants, but they're like, realistic, so they're like. wieners that they put in their pants, but they're like Realistic so they're like you don't really see a realistic rubber penis. So it looks weird and small, you know I don't know why they have it Their gender affirming stuff Here it is see this oh

That one's kind of small. You're right. It's still a little too thick. It is. Yeah. You wish, honey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, this is my fake penis. Like, I don't know about that one. You need one that's just the tip, then it's accurate. It's the one that I've seen. Okay. What is Diddy's story?

So, yeah. Diddy is on suicide watch after sex trafficking arrest. Sources say indictment and charges. Diddy was indicted on charges including racketeering, sex trafficking, and related crimes stemming from allegations of organizing freak-offs, which were described as drug-fueled orgies involving coercion and sexual assault.

Some big words. A freak-off. Right. You know that? We're not allowed to do that. I thought it was America. What's a freak-off? A freak-off.

Diddy would have freak-offs where he got everybody loaded up on drugs and hired a bunch of male prostitutes to come in and run trains on everybody. I thought it was a short-lived MTV show. That's where they got the idea of the freak-off. And he had thousands of bottles. Does it say on there? He's got thousands of bottles of lube. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Drugs and lubricants during grades on Combs Homes in Los Angeles and Miami. Combs Homes. Yeah. Combs Homes. Authorities seized a significant amount of drugs and over a thousand bottles of baby oil and lubricant. A thousand bottles, Sean?

And we only have like two or three. Two or three. I don't have a thousand rounds in my house. He shoots a lot of music videos. So that's the baby oil? Baby oil, yeah. You got gotta have tons of baby oil around. Literal tons though. I would think, like once you get one in every room, maybe two, that's probably enough.

You need a thousand bottles of lube? He just doesn't want to have to order it. He'll forget. I'll order it next week. I would have loved to have known, like like how fool were the bottles? Yeah, were they crack? Was the seal cracked? You mean? Were they half open? Were they empty bottles? Yeah. Fool new bottles of lube? Like was he planning something big and then he got arrested? That's a good question. Like they got Nick Riketo with an entire ounce. It's like, is that, is he just unlucky or what? You know?

Yeah. No, he's not going to party. He's not going to party. He's not going to party. Did they have discontinued lube in there? I would like to know stuff like that. Exactly. Right, when any manufacturer recalls.

Yeah, on the lube, okay. Do you think he fucked Justin Bieber? I mean, I sure hope so. Yeah. Because, yeah, I sure hope so. Yeah. Yeah. Because, yeah, I really want that guy to have been fucked by Diddy. Like, come on, man.

We don't get very much down here in the slums. Let me have a little. Let me just, I've hated that guy forever. If you could just, if Puffy could just say that, yes, he fucked Justin Bieber, that would really make a lot of the wrongs that have been done to me over the decades. All better. All better.

I agree with you. Okay, what do we have next? He also had firearms. Law enforcement discovered firearms and ammunition, including three AR-15s with defaced serial numbers and a drum magazine indicating potential illegal modifications or possessions of firearms. That sounds kind of pussy. I would have liked a sawed-off shotgun or something cool like that.

I don't know. Oh yeah? Yeah. That's what you would rock at the human trafficking orgies? Yeah. With my golden block. You know, like, if you're showing up to the party, you might as well show up, like, classy. I would have a little, like, hooker gun, you know, I could put in my elastic waistband in my basketball shorts

All right, a workout shorts. Right. Darinjer. Yeah for shot Yeah, I would get a little garter He let you in If I show a little leg, yeah He'd let you in. Beth. If I show a little leg? Yeah, a little lace garter. Like Bugs Bunny?

He'd be like, come right on in. Alright. Watch it, Diddy. Right? You better fucking watch it. If you go over to a dinner party at Diddy's house, instead of like a bottle of wine, you just bring like a bottle of lube or baby oil. Is that like, oh my god, this is just like...

It's just so much baby oil. That's a lot of baby oil. Even for rap videos, it's too much baby oil. For sure. I think you just haven't had enough women in one room for, like, to need that much baby oil, right? Me? Yeah, I mean, you're not a trafficker. I hate lube, you know?

Whenever it comes out, I was like, ugh, I was gonna be on my hands forever. Gets on the sheets, and I was getting this weird stain. It's such a pain in the ass. I just imagine everyone was flipping out. Hahaha! Maybe you embrace the lube lifestyle. Like you just become saturated in lube and baby oil. I don't know.

You just become lube? Yeah, maybe. Can they even charge Diddy when he's become lube now? No, he's no longer a person. He's just lube now? No, he's no longer a person. Just lube. Someone get this to his lawyers immediately. Okay, what's the next one? How is

I feel like i'm gonna say Israel wrong, but um, how Israel I'm sorry, you're gonna say Israel wrong? Israel. You've never said Israel before? Why am I talking about Israel every day? Why are you always old school? I've never had to say this word in real life. You've never had to say Israel? But you've heard it. Who do you think's the cause of all the world's problems? Oh Jesus.

Lizzo. I thought... Lizzo. Two. I thought it was those two. The O's. What's this word those two. The O's. What's this word? Israel. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's how you say it. Thank you for teaching me a word.

Wait, wait. Say it again. Say it again. Israel. Thank you. How Israel built a modern day Trojan horse. Exploding pagers. Exploding pagers. Exploding pagers, yeah. Okay. So, when you tell a girl you want her to explode your dick off. I've never said that. No.

Explode my dick off? Yeah. Like pussy so good, your dick explodes. No. Have you ever said that? No. I've never encountered such a person. Are guys saying that about you?

I'm gonna take silence as a yes. Sure. Really? Women say a lot of things about me. What else do they say? I don't know. You should talk to the Tonys. They talk about me a lot. The Tonys? You mean the award ceremony? Tony of Hack the Movies? Tony from Hack the Movies? And Frog Tony? You call them the Tonys? I know a lot of Tonys! Yeah, Frog Tony who called into Yellow Vito for disrespecting his art. Remember him? He's a nice guy. He's a funny guy.

He talks like Kermit the Frog kind of. Remember him? Like Ray Romano, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so the Tonys are talking about you? Behind the scenes? They gossip. These guys gossip a lot, don't they? Blown off dicks. What's the deal with that? You think they were 25 year old women, right? But they're 25 ton men. I actually don't know how old they are, so. Dude, Tony from Hack the Movies has been working out. And he's like, you never know what a guy's gonna look like when they start working out.

He has turned into this like, his arms are big. His arms are bigger than mine. They're bigger than his head. He's like, his arms are fucking like telephone balls. So he had the capacity to build muscle really easily. Yeah, he's like that kind of Italian. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he looks fantastic. Don't you think?

Yeah, I did tell him he could choke me with his arms if we see each other. Damn. Look forward to that. Okay. The incident in Lebanon involved Israeli orchestrating an attack through thousands of pagers which were modified with small explosive devices and distributed among, oh Jesus fucking Christ, how do you say this one? Hezbollah?

Thank you, Hezbollah members and others in Lebanon. These pagers were designed to explode either through a remote trigger or when users interacted with them due to a triggered error message or vibration. Oh, vibration. Leading to significant casualties and injuries. The operation reportedly planned over many years utilized shell companies and fake manufacturing to infiltrate Hasbulla's communication infrastructure. You see that, our allies, the Middle East, the good guys.

That's pretty crafty. Yeah, they spent years, God knows how much money, making candy grams. That's how long it took. It actually says Pagers. Yeah, it was Pagers. And when was the last time you saw a pager? On a doctor?

This is how long. On a doctor, yeah. I guess. This is how long ago they started this. It's because a pager was like everything. You had to go fucking find a phone. Well, you know, terrorists, they can't afford a burner phone.

They gotta get a burner pager to get all the tips from who's they're supposed to be terrorizing. Right. And then they flip, Israel flipped the terrorism on them. Isn't that clever? Yeah. You guys think you're terrorists? How about we're terrorists, right? We're gonna explode your fucking pants.

Damn. Kill nine guys. Yeah, that's what I read. Pissed off 3,000 of them. Yeah. Is that a good ROI for your terrorism? I don't think so. All right.

I don't know. Someday they're going to say, it's a new creative way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the Marvel retards really loved it. Oh yeah, they're pages, that's cool. That's like James Bond stuff. Yeah, I guess.

So when they blow up the Super Bowl, everybody goes goes why did the terrace blow up the Super Bowl? Well, you put exploding pages in their pants, right? And then laughed at it and said it was blowing their penises off And it was it you guys remember that was a new pair of pants was a new pair of they won every like nine years It's those are my dad's fucking hole. Yeah big hole in the pants. I don't know Maybe it's just me at one point you got like oh, yeah You guys really pissed them off with that. Yeah, you know, do you not understand that? Yeah They're gonna rape a bunch of people cuz you did that

It was like how the way that we operated in in Vietnam Created opposition. Yeah, you know Yeah, it's cool though. I guess I hope none of those pagers got over here. Maybe one or two got... Maybe one or two? You think they're doing other dirty shit? Do other- do people who do nefarious shit just usually just stop at one nefarious shit that they're doing or do they just do up and down all day, you know, nefarious shit up and down the board? Probably that one. Anyway.

Obviously pagers to Diddy. Mm-hmm. down the board. Probably that one. Anyway. Pages to Diddy. This attack resulted in at least 42 deaths including civilians and over 2,900 injuries, predominantly facial and eye injuries due to the nature of the explosion. Was it because they were looking to see the number or something? Paged them first and then blew them up. Right. God damn. They thought they were looking to see the number or something? Yeah, they paged him first and then blew him up. Right.

God damn. They thought they were important. Yeah. Somebody wants to see how my day is going. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like when you get spam on your birthday. Yeah. It's like happy birthday from your insurance agent.

Yeah. Okay. Just explode, man. Okay. What else do we got? Well, it also said that Hasbulla's vowing retaliation, but anyway, let's move on. Navy launches USS New Jersey first US submarine built for both genders.

Hmm. Were exclusive to one gender before? Yeah, they had like steering wheels in there, computers. Took all that shit out. All they had to do was just retrofit an old submarine with like the both bathroom placard on them. It's like, there you go! All genders! Too much money, we saved the taxpayers on this one.

Good God. They made the refrigerators bigger. For the women, right? Yeah, to be both genders. Right. So you could make sandwiches down there? So you could have more food. We gotta really pack it in.

They blocked the thermostat from going below 78 What did they do how did they make an all-gender submarine thank God, yeah So it's designed to accommodate both male and female sailors this modification addresses privacy and comfort reflecting the Navy's integration efforts. The ceremony at Naval Weapons Station highlighted the submarine's advanced capabilities for anti-submarine warfare and intelligence gathering equipped with features like lower overhead valves and adjusted bunks. The USS New Jersey symbolizes Oh my god they turned a submarine into a fucking head-knocking labyrinth?

Right, what yeah You're fucking kidding me So they can reach them easier They lowered everything on the submarine so now if you're a man walking around you're constantly bashing your fucking forehead on valves and beds Yeah Unbelievable. Thanks guys Don't be a man in the Navy, right? Yeah, stop Just just women let them do it. I've heard some branches of the military say there are no men in the Navy. So that's

Here you go. You dumb broads go fly the submarine all around to Russia knock yourselves out Maybe that this thing looks aren't real does the thing only make transatlantic voyages? Uh-huh. You know? Yeah. Sorry, that was bad. They should have an all female submarine. Just split them up like train cars in Japan.

Have you seen those? The pink cars? I think they would cry about that too. They would cry about that? Yeah. Why? Well, because why are you separating them? Why can cars? I think they would cry about that too. They would cry about that? Yeah. Why? Well, because why are you separating them? Why can't we be with the men? Oh, yeah.

Wait. Imagine all that attention they're getting down there. Isn't there like a big like groping thing that goes, isn't that why they did it? Because like, because- In Japan? In Japan, because they're so- The overhead do. No, but I mean like women only cars or something so they can go in there to get away from-

Yeah, because there's so much groping. Because people are packed in like sardines and shit. Yeah. I mean, that's what I heard so they can go in there to get away from because Like sardines and shit. I mean that's what I heard. I see any groping when we went there. I was already doing it Yeah, I was ready to grope man. I was like rubbing my hands at the thought of Groping men and women both in Japan. Equal opportunity. Yeah, but there was none that I saw I don't know. Wow, I guess they kept it together for your visit, huh? Yeah, maybe. Maybe I wasn't going to the right cars. You gotta find the woman only car so you can...

So I can start groping, put on a wig, stomp in there. They should have gotten their choice. Should have gotten the regular car like everybody else. What are you, special? Yeah. Yeah, but I guess that's that's all that they did to make it gender inclusive. Lower the valves because all the women were like I can't reach up I can't reach the valve. Why didn't they just get step stools? I

have a pink one at home. You have a pink step stool? Yeah. Yeah. You just get that. Well I don't know. Maybe they could just give them those grabby things. I guess fuck men though. Okay. What's next? Detroit man charged with setting two women on fire. What the fuck?

Hell. Oh boy. What did they do? Two. What did they do? You're right. What were they wearing? On different days, I wonder.

I don't know, let's see. In a shocking incident in Detroit, Roberto Romero, a 66-year-old man, has been charged with setting two women on fire outside of their workplace. Man, imagine getting out of work just to get set on fire. Just to get lit on fire, yeah. That sucks, you should have done it before work. Yeah.

You should have done it before work. Yeah. While I was clocked in, you know, send me on fire while I'm clocked in. That way it's workplace injury, right? Yeah. Yeah, I was on his side, but now you phrase it like that. That's true. That's fucked up.

Oh, this was about to be even worse. The attack occurred early Monday morning around 6 a.m. Oh, the graveyard shift. So you're getting burnt to crisp at 6 in the morning. World's just starting, days just breaking through and you're on fire. Nowhere to go but up. So the details of the incident, Romero allegedly doused the two women aged 57 and 50 with gasoline while they were in a car and then set them ablaze Can you imagine having this much energy at that age? I'm gonna light these fucking bitches. Yeah, I Really? Okay

Well, that's what I was it were they unknown to him. Maybe he might not have even known He might not have even known them. We have the motivation here. Is it not in there? It's in here. Well, they didn't die in case anyone was wondering. They just had severe burns to their face, neck, and shoulders. But reports suggest Romero, who had recently been fired from his job at the same location, believed these women were responsible for his termination.

Oh, okay. So he was getting revenge on them. He thought those little bitties were talking shit behind his back. It might be true. It might be true. I don't know. Yeah, okay. My roommate has had many warehouse bitches get her fired, so.

Really? Yeah. How? She just shows up and they hate her Is she hot? I? Mean I wouldn't I wouldn't say she's hot but from other people they have said she is hot. Mm-hmm women have a Very strange answer to that question. I hate her she ruins my life Why does she ruin your life she just makes everything difficult she doesn't like my cats so she's hot. Why does she ruin your life? She just makes everything difficult. She doesn't like my cats, so she's mean to my cats. How mean?

Like kicks them around? They'll be sleeping and she'll yell at them and make it, she'll scare them to get up. She'll wake them up? Yeah. Well, no, you're allowed to make animals get up and move. No, you're not. Not when it's cats.

You let them stay. Well, there's a nicer way to do it, probably. Are they on the couch or something? On the table? It doesn't matter where they are. It's fair if they're on the couch or the table, right? But if they're on the floor, she'll still yell at them. Just for the love of the game. Just for the love of being a bitch.

You live with this person? Yeah. Why do you live with them? Just to make your life miserable? Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to live with my parents. I don't want to be a loser.

So I'll just live with someone I hate. You don't want to go back to school? No. No. No, I don't want to get bullied by my twins. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

So she's mean to cats and she gets fired. Yeah. from warehouse jobs Yeah, okay, and I got fake flowers and she put them in water They should be okay was she also homeschooled Fake flowers they were ruined by putting them in water. I guess they're not really I don't know if they're fake They're called like preserved flowers, so I guess they're not really I don't know if they're fake they're called like preserved flowers, so I guess they were dried Okay, and she put so they're dead dead flowers and she put dead flowers Taxidermied flowers. Yeah. Yeah. Why would you do that? Because she's stupid

Why were they out like you just had I thought dead flowers sitting around you like okay I put them in the hallway for an hour. I thought they would be safe. I came back out. They were in a cup. And I thought, okay, it's fine. They're in a cup. They could be in a cup, right? That's not going to ruin it. Then I realized there was water in the cup. Why were they in the hallway? I was finding a place to put them in my room because you can't put them in direct sunlight. Because they'll fade or they'll...

These flowers are fucking annoying. Okay, yeah. Where did you get the flowers? Originally. Frog Tony sent them to me. Oh, really? Don't tell them I sent this. It's just this is going everywhere.

What do you mean? He sent you dried up dead he sent you dried dead flowers? That's a mean way to put it. I'm sorry, he sent you flowers that last forever and that have to be put somewhere, not like normal. Not in water. And then your roommate took the dead preserved flowers, you know, and retardedly put them in water,

even though they're dry as a bone. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Like, I mean, you've seen, Sean, you've seen. Yeah, what do you think you could bring them back? You know? You know, flowers have a very specific feel of a living plant.

Yeah. Which is like really evident and obvious to anyone who's ever held a flower that goes in water. And your roommate just said, oh yeah, these are... Yeah. These are fine. They're going in the water. No, she thinks she can bring anything back. If it's a plant, she thinks she can bring it back.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Like magical stuff? Kind of, or... Not like magic, but she thinks she's like really green thumb. And I mean, she does have a green thumb, but she has killed many of my plants. Oh. Including the dead ones. Yeah, but she has killed many of my plants. Oh. Including the dead ones.

Yeah, including the dead ones. Okay. Okay, what else, where do we leave off? Family of... I can't even wrap my mind around two women living together. Just the flowers thing. What the fuck is going on here? I've never heard a story quite like that.

That's good. It's a good story. I guess you can't assume anything is what I'm saying. No. It's best not to. Okay. What's next? You'll never know what two women can fight about. We can't do anything. Family of Blackfeet Chief, face of NFL's Redskins for 48 years, wants his image back in the NFL. Oh. They want the...

He was like the model for the helmet logo? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know there was one. He wants to be back in. They're pissed he got kicked out. Well, he can't... I mean, he can't... Took away his bragging rights, right?

Yeah. I mean, like... It's like, ah, it's awesome. That's me being an Indian on a TV. They're just the Washington football team now, right? Isn't that what they, I think that's honestly what they're called. I can't say what they changed their name to actually,

against the terms of service. Yeah, okay. No, they're the commanders, aren't they? What? The commanders, the Washington, are they just football team? I thought they were the commanders. I thought a couple of years ago,

they were just the Washington football team, but I used to watch so much NFL And I just lost interest in it and it got so political. No not at all. Yeah. No, it just so it just happened Yeah, I just don't have time for football. Okay. What did they say? Talish sorry skipped ahead. Yeah, fuck that one skip ahead to the next one. That one's stupid. I don't know sports the dangerous trend of choking in teenage sex. Ah. This one's, this one's...

We can talk about teenagers having sex as long as we're concerned. Right. About what's happening. Because of pornography. Yeah. You know? Okay. What does it say? Remember everyone, be safe when you're choking people.

Anyway, um... Policaridine. In an opinion piece published in the New York Times on April 12th 2024, the author Peggy Orenstein delves into the alarming trend of choking during teenage sexual activities, highlighting its potential for brain damage and broader implications on youth culture. So is this why they're so fucking stupid? Yeah. They're just choking each other too much. Are they really doing that? Are like teenage boys thinking they gotta be choking everybody during sex?

I don't know. Is that a meme or are they really doing that? Don't know. How are they lasting that long? Should be like one and done. You know? Especially when you're a teenager. But also all the time. Um, okay, what are they saying?

Um, the trend notes a significant increase in choking or strangulation during sex among teenagers. Often inspired by media portrayals and shows like Euphoria and popularized through social media memes and music. This- I hope that's true. I mean, you know, could be. You know? Why not? Yeah, live a little.

Oh, I didn't know you weren't supposed to do that. Yeah, okay. Sure. Me either. Okay, what else? I mean, this isn't new. Kids have been choking each other. I don't under- How old are you though? I'm 25.

You're 25? Yeah. Kids, we weren't talking about choking women when I was, I'm 40, what, 3 or 4 or something? But it's not a new, it's not a new thing. I mean- Choking? Yeah, choking, yeah, in general. The first person you ever had a sexual encounter with, they didn't ask you to choke them in bed. No!

Hahahaha! Did they! Did they ask you? I asked them. Oh, okay. No. Do you ask them that all the time? Is that like a regular thing you request? I mean not every single time but like it's one of the things I request. Yeah.

So much work. Just a little squeeze. Just every once in a while a squeeze. Why? Why do you like that? I don't know. I don't know. It makes you feel kind of lightheaded, I guess.

Lightheaded? Yeah. Okay. That's good. That's good. Yeah. This act aimed at achieving a euphoric high from cerebral hypoxia has become normalized to the point where it's expected in sexual encounters.

So... I think these kids just go run up a mountain. You know, you can get hypoxic and, you know, it's got to get to the right altitude, you know? There's people coming their brains out on Everest right now. You know What a pain in the ass I dated a girl who Asked me to choke her one too many times. Yeah

I'm not got rid of the body. Yeah I'm done with this Too many times that was a choke too far. Yeah, it's so delicate, you know? Yeah. It's like, well, I want, you know, to kill you. Yeah, yeah. I think they call that cute aggression.

Cute aggression? What's that? When something's so cute, you want to kill it. Yes! Yeah. Yeah, it makes you feel really bad at least me makes you feel like you digression. Yeah, uh Yeah, it's a pet like when it comes to like puppies and stuff. Yeah, I do feel bad No

Yeah, I agree with that a hundred percent I Don't know if this specific case was cute aggression. I'll put it that way Okay, let me see if we is that all the news. Yeah, thank you so much for reading the news Let me see what else I I think I had some fat watch here Let me pull it up if I do or not. I don't know That watch today and body now. Body roundness. Cole Beagle sends this in. Body roundness mass.

It's time to say goodbye to the BMI. Yeah. Oh my god, I can't read any of this shit because it pops up this crap. Fuck it. Um, time to say goodbye to the BMI. Are we... Is it time to say goodbye to BMI? I don't know.

You don't know? I don't know. You don't know? I don't know. I thought it, well, it seemed like it was useful. Yes, it did seem like it was useful. Just like some numbers, you know? Yeah, you know, maybe there's a range. There's a range. I think there is a number at which it becomes

a very good predictor of health problems. Yeah. Like it's like, if you're, but you know, if you're just over, you know, whatever is considered optimum, I don't know that the predictions can be like made with the same level of certainty, but when you're, you know, when you're morbidly obese

and you tell, BMI is like a way to do that, right? I thought it was like a thing we came up so we didn't have to say like, come on, look at what's happening here. Yeah, your blood pressure is fucking 220 over pudding. You're a disaster. We got this number, we have a number so I don't have to tell you what is obvious.

Right. Well, it's in the New York Times, so I can't read it, damn it. Time to say goodbye. Oh, there we go. Ah! How do you stop that from happening? I don't know.

Ah, man. Ah, man. Okay, well, Carl sent this in. Let's see what this is. Here's a body positivity chant. Let's go, okay? Let's see what this is. Uh-oh.

And you have the world's skinniest Italian on here. Oof. All right, let me refresh. Learn it together, okay? Don't worry about it, I got you. We're gonna figure it out. You're gonna start a chant. When the thoughts get me, what should I do?

You say disengage. When I feel shame about eating food Give me a way When I gave way What should I do? Throw the scale away The only thing I should be doing is Nothing

Okay, the chance is coming. Are we ready? Ready! When my thoughts get to me nothing okay the chance coming are we ready Wow I am from the scale away The only thing I should be doing is Nothing Oh you missed count down shit! Yeah, do you. Okay, everybody. This is the Dick Show. Patreon.com slash Dick Show. Dalish, plug your stuff. I'm not going to do voice kills. Just Google me. Dirty Dalish. Google you for Dirty Dalish. Let me Google that.

Dirty Dalish. Okay. That's me. That's you right there? Yeah. Okay. All of that. That's me. All right. What's the dirtiest stuff you're doing at your OnlyFans?

The most... Eating mince pussies. That's the honest answer. Okay. I feel like you're side-eyeing me right now. No, no, no, no. Not side-eyeing. It's just mental picture. Just really thinking about it. Okay.

Alright, so go check that out at 30 Daily. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for having it. OK. All right. So go check that out at 30 Daily. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for having me. Here we go. The end theme. Sean, do you have anything to plug? Oh, yeah. Tons.

Tons to plug. You know the OnlyFans beat the NBA for money. Yeah. Did you see that? You guys are making more than the NBA. That's because does anyone like sports anymore? I don't think so. Do you love sports?

I hate sports. I mean, you put it as a topic. Well, it's mostly because of the Indian thing. Oh. It's like funny that they threw a big fit, but then the guy that had his picture on there didn't want it. Like Aunt Jemima? Like how they got rid of her?

Yeah. Yeah, like Aunt Jemima. On the syrup. Uncle Ben, too. Uncle Ben?? Oh haters. What was his problem? He's just a guy. Well he's been dead a black guy. He's dead a long time. Yeah. So they got rid of him? Because he's black? Yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean. If they don't have syrup and rice, what do they have? What can we give them? Who's they? Black people? Black people, yeah.

I mean, the brands still exist, right? Yeah. But it's not Aunt Jemima. It's not Uncle Ben. No. Yeah, what the hell? Is there a grape drink that we could give them? No, that KSI has his Lunchables thing.

Yeah. I thought that was Logan Paul. Oh, is it Logan Paul's? Yeah. Okay, well, I don't know then. Maybe he appropriated it. Um, okay, here we go. Hey, Dick, Sean. Got a rage for you this morning. Yeah. So I had my standard four beers last night. Mm-hmm. And I usually drink almost every single day. No hangover at all. But you know, I haven't spent, there's that one day where you wake up and you're kind of hungover.

And it's like, I drink almost every day, like four beers. Like that's like fucking nothing for me. Yeah. Anyway, go fuck yourself. So just the unexpected hangover from drinking the same amount that you normally drink? Don't worry buddy, soon you will feel hungover every day even when you don't drink. Even looking at beer. And you'll have a hangover that lasts for the rest of your fucking life.

So enjoy it now. It goes away. Hey Drake, what's up? I'm calling in with my rage, which is people that travel with the band and concerts and then they like pick up all the front Spaces and then I feel like they brag like oh, yeah, like I saw them in London or oh, no They're not gonna play that or oh like there's so much better than you for traveling Yeah, you know, I do hate that I saw them London. Like I didn't need to know where the city. You didn't need to include that.

Right. Yeah. What bands do you like, Dalish? Uh. Do you like that drum and bass shit that's like, pfft, ah, pfft, ah. No, no, no. I like Arcade Fire.

The kids love that though. Arcade Fire. Oh yeah. Is that like an oldie? Modest Mouse. Modest Mouse. Those are two good bands. Okay. I like both good bands. Okay.

I like both of those. Let's see what else we got here. Hey Jake, hey Sean. What makes me rage is turning your bidet up too high. I don't know if this is all bidets or just the two that I've had, but- No, it's the one I have to. Two degrees of a turn between perfect

and like water jet cutter. Oh God, Oh, God. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking, but I took my hand off and then I went to go put my hand back on to turn it off and fucking water's coming out my nose. It's my life flashes before my eyes and I contemplating going to the emergency room because holy fucking shit. You're too embarrassed. I didn't realize we had that much water pressure.

I think it's a, I think the Chinese are making bidets slash home hemorrhoid removing Stations fuck exploding pagers. Yeah, I got days It's got it's got like a you know an air conditioner knob so you can go on low and max my bidet But if you go even a even one tiny degree beyond like there's a there's a there's a linear well they might be linear but if you go past three I'm gonna put a hole through my stomach and then through the wall you do one click and it's like a dribble that will barely get to your asshole and then one more click and it's like unpleasant unpleasant and then one more click is crocodile mile.

It's like the Bellagio fountains. So you can go shh, shh, I can shoot it all the way into the shower. Yes, sir, I understand, I agree. Okay, people are asking, people are asking me to ask you the war, the war game. Oh, you want to do the war game? Do you know this game? Homeschooled. You're homeschooled, so.

Are you going to ask me how the war started? No, okay, we already covered that one. This're homeschooled, so. Are you gonna ask me how the war started? No, okay, we already covered that one. This is the war game, okay. Oh no. You gotta tell me, tell me what year, and if you're listening at home, this is how you do this game. Don't do your own version of it,

because it's not funny. The game is, tell me what year the following war started, okay? Revolutionary war. Oh my god. I don't know. I don't know. You know what year it is right now, right? Yeah.

Okay, so first of all, I'll give you a hint. It's a year that's lower than the one that we're in. That really helps. It really... You know your year Jesus was born, right? BC. Almost. I guess that's true.

Almost. Can you narrow it down to a number? I don't want to guess bad. The train is left. We're in bad guesses, Dan. Alright, we're entrenched. We're trying to find the wicked witch now in bad guess land.

Can you give me the date? Just guess when Jesus was born. Wait, when Jesus was born? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when the years started. Okay, right, you got it. You got it. Alright, we'll take that. Partial credit. Okay, so somewhere between that, zero, and the current year, these wars happen. Yes. Okay, now I'll ask it again.

The Revolutionary War. What year? If you could give me a... If you could give me a year for that one. I'll write it down. Uh... 1746. There we go.

Okay! Okay! Whew. 46. Whew. That was scary. Okay. Now...

Oh, jeez. Uh... Civil Okay. Now, Civil War. 1800s. I don't know. Whereabouts in the 1800s do you think is like early, mid, late, any kind of? Early. Early 1800s. Okay. Early 1800s.

I'm going to put 1830. I'll put 18s. Okay, early 1800s. I'm gonna put I'm gonna put 1830 I'll put 1820. Okay. Okay, that's early. Okay. Mm-hmm World War One 1880 1880. Okay, you remember World War One? What comes to mind when you think of World War One? 1880, okay. You remember World War I? What comes to mind when you think of World War I? Um, nothing comes to mind. The Depression. Some man took a wrong turn and got pew-pewed.

No, he didn't get pew-pewed, but... The Archduke Ferdinand. Yeah. He did get pew-pewed. You're right. You're right. Okay. And he was in a car.

Yeah, he did take a wrong turn. Wow, I would have thought it was a carriage. Somehow you got that. It's in there. Okay, World War II. Now I really feel like I guessed wrong on these numbers. I went really high. That's why it's such a funny game. Oh, you went high. You want to make them lower? Earlier or later? Closer to Jesus, closer to us.

Okay. You can, you know what, you know what, don't feel like you have to put pressure on yourself to conform to some sort of continuity. If you realize, if you think that you messed up, just start fixing it on the one we're on. Don't worry about, you know, don't worry if the answers themselves are incongruent. Yeah, well how dumb is it going to be if I go 1840s for World War II and 1880 for World War I? That's an interesting question. The way you've asked it is interesting No, I don't like to judge I blamed the schools I

Homeschooled well Okay 1840 you think for wars who no no no no no okay, you remember World War II, right? You know what was going on there. You remember World War II. Hitler. That one, okay, I always think that was the one with Abraham Lincoln and the slaves, but that was the other one. Yeah, that was the other one. That was the Civil War. Yeah, that was the War. That was Black People's War. This was the Jewish People's War. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. This one for Hitler.

All right, let's do 1920 for World War II. Okay, okay. And last and least, Vietnam. How close was this one to Jesus? What's up to you to... How close was this one to Jesus? What's up to you to... What comes to mind when you hear the word Vietnam? Jesus was in the 151st airborne, I think. Yeah.

He carried a four scump out of... Yeah, it's what that poem is on the sand is about. Me love you long time, Jesus is like, me too. See, I'm gonna be honest. I think of Vietnam and then I think of Israel. Okay. Mel started Mel Gibson. Oh, okay. The historian.

They caused that one too. Fuck if I know this one. Let's go for, uh, I don't know, 2000. I'll say it was recent. 2000! After 9-11, Vietnam happened! You wanna rethink that one? That's what I wanted to happen after 9-11, Vietnam happened! You wanna rethink that one? I want it to happen after 9-11. It happened, you were born in 1999. Right? Vietnam did not happen in your lifetime though.

Why not? It just obviously did not. Okay, 2000. No no no no no no! Okay, Y2K, no, no, no, no! I'm back! I'm going back! Back seats, back seats, back seats. It definitely didn't happen when you were alive.

Let's go 1970. Did I already do that one? Let's do that one. You didn't do that one. No, it wasn't in the 70s. It wasn't. You can take it, you can think about it. Think it out, think it out. It doesn't matter You can take it, you can think about it. You know, think it out. Think it out. It doesn't matter how long it takes. We just want to be part of the journey, you know? Can we... I just wish Vietnam didn't exist anymore at this point.

Unfortunately, their motto is never forget. So isn't it? What's their... what's Vietnam's motto? Something about remembering everybody. Really? I think so. I didn't it? What's Vietnam's motto? Something about remembering everybody. Really? I think so. I didn't know that. POW shit. Okay, I'm going to hard lock in 1910. Hard lock in. Okay.

Okay. So we went from World War I, where the guy took a wrong turn and get shot. Yeah. To Vietnam. Yeah. where they were shooting machine guns in the jungle. Forest Gump and everyone's getting high, right? And we're playing CCR. To then World War II, 10 years later, where the Nazis were loading Jews into concentration

camps. Okay. Um, well. This sounds right. This sounds like history. This sounds right. Okay. Um, well. This sounds right. This sounds like it's right. This sounds right. Okay.

The real answers are, um, Revolutionary War, 1776. You got the six. Hey! I said 40. Got pretty close. Which is not, it's not, it's not horrible. We've had, it's not the worst answer. No, not the worst answer.

You may have heard of 1776, you know, from like real American patriots online. Always talking about 1776, we'll rise again, and that's kind of, you never heard that? Okay. Well, that's the, that's when the country was founded. Civil War, what are we going with? 1865 about? I mean, that's when it ended. That's when it ended? 1861. 1861, okay. About, about there. That's pretty close 18. You said early 1800s Yeah, you were pretty close on that. Okay, World War one was about 1914. Yeah, I don't think we had cars driving around in

1880 But pretty close I know don't give me that I was well, that's like what a hundred years off. No The 18 part is off. Yeah. Yeah, what, a hundred years off? No. The 18 part is off. Yeah, that's a 19 war. World War II, what is that? 1939? 1939. So you're off by about 20 years there.

Vietnam was catastrophically wrong. And 1970 would have been your closest guess, would have been your closest answer before you changed it to what, 1910? Yeah. Damn it. You probably know some people who are in Vietnam. Yeah, they're old.

They're not all dead? No, no, no, no, no. They're all alive and crying about it still. They can be in there. The veterans dinner, that's who they're feeding now. Yes, if they're a veteran, they're either from Afghanistan or Vietnam. Yeah, I mean, there's some World War II veterans around.

It depends how gay they are. Who are really old. If they're gay, Afghanistan. If they're not gay, just old, Vietnam, probably. They weren't doing all that gay shit in Vietnam, I don't think. I don't know, I wasn't there. Okay.

Thank you for playing. Jesus said no. So there's no gay stuff going on in Vietnam. Okay. I still liked my first answer on Vietnam. 2000s. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, that was shocking. I'm going to just say I skimmed through the history book in high school.

I would have been in Vietnam in that case. I was out of out of been 20. So I would have been in Vietnam. Both of us. So you'd be old and not gay. What makes me rage Sean? Life is a series of competitions between everything. Even material has to compete with each other, right?

Much like the tree roots underneath you. Anyway. He got divorced recently and his voice mails are getting more and more erratic. Stop taking his medication too. I think he's jacking off. Oh. Okay, thank you for that.

Okay, yeah. Hey Jack, hey Sean. You know what makes me a rage this week? People who put up for sale signs on like a car or a motorcycle or just anything, you know, in their front lawn. Right. And make it where the price is so small,

you cannot possibly read it as you're driving by at any kind of feed whatsoever. Like you obviously don't want to sell your thing because you don't put a price on it. That means you think you priced it too high and you're afraid that no one's going to want to buy it unless you trick them into stopping and looking at it and creating a Sun Pops fallacy. Screw people like that. People have a problem with like writing signs to be the right, you know. I think he pulled over and got upset the motorcycle was too much money for him.

Yeah, he's cheap ass. You're right. You're a hundred percent right. Yeah, get better. Hey, J.K. Sean. My problem is modded regular cars. Yeah. Now, I'm sure you've seen like ricers, you know, those like shitty old civics that just have like a fucking spoiler for some reason.

I'm not even talking about those. Everybody hates those. I'm talking about like a 2016 Honda Accord that someone clearly put thousands upon thousands of dollars into modifying with new rims, you know, Persian racing rims, fucking new rear view mirrors, like all this like random shit to make it cosmetically look slightly better. Bro, I live in Glenda.

At the end of the day, it is a V6 or V4 stock car. They put like the fucking little like the little heart lug thing that hangs from the back of their fucking bumper or some shit because they like Japanese shit. I just don't see the fucking point in that stuff. I really don't. It's an A to D car and they're making it look like it's some kind of fucking race car. Yeah, it's just so fucking awesome. I'm passing another one right now. Like I just don't get it. I don't get it. There's nice cars that you can do things to Why take in a Honda Civic or a cord not even a type are not even not even like the designated

Man, you gotta like pull these guys over No, dude, just no. He's an adult. He grew up. You're fucking stuck. I like those little ricers where it's like anime, kind of not really, not pornography, but close. You know, and they put the stickers on the... Yeah, the anime titty bitches. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a really bold statement I feel like.

Like, hmm. Okay. And you're parking that and then going into a, like, going into the into the dentist's office you got a bunch of like porno on your car like that's cool man good for you okay two more maybe two more hey dick hey Sean you know it's a fucking rage is every time I take my mom out to dinner my mom and my grandma my mom always takes like the worst fucking places like the worst like local shops the worst local shops. She can't keep it anything simple, franchise. It's always these local shops where the food is subpar.

And it always gives me a fucking stomach ache afterwards. I always get food poisoning from that shit. And she blows it up to be the best thing that she's ever had. And then it's fucking expensive too. So I'm spending money. Where are you taking your mom out to dinner? A lot And then it's fucking expensive too. So it's just like, so I'm spending money. You're taking your mom out to dinner. A lot of money to get fucking food poisoning.

Like pick a fucking better spot, man. That's why I fucking hate going to dinner with them. Anyways, go fuck yourself, Dick. Go fuck your mom. Damn. Taking your mom and your grandma out? What the fuck? And letting them pick?

Is he paying? That's what's implied, right? If he's have a girlfriend. Is he paying? Sounds like it. That's what's implied, right? If he's taking them out. Wow, what a little mama's boy. Or is he driving them around? Because for reasons. Well, his mom and his grandma sit in the back seat.

And belittle him. And belittle him? Yeah. You gotta lay the law down, man. Only go, take them to Hooters or something where they would hate. Right, they'll never want to go out with you again. I can't believe Frog Tony's sending you flowers, dead flowers. Yeah.

Well, Hack the Movie sent me stickers of his head. What's going on here? Men just send me things, I don't know. I believe that. Tony from Hack the Movie sent you stickers of his head? Mm-hmm. They're really small. That's a false advertising.

Why did he send you stickers of his head? He said he printed them too small and I said I would put them on my microphone if he sent them to me. So he did. You know, he hacks movies like about gremlins and stuff. He always he loves gremlins. You know that? You really like Star Wars, right?

I've got an invention for you. It's a shotgun that's set up on a sentry turret that's tuned to the decibel of the annoying neighbor that goes by and revs his fucking stupid motorcycle. So when he goes by and res his stupid fucking motorcycle the shotgun is triggered and it kills him yeah that's my invention kills the bike yourself that's all right someone sent this in a necklace for the dog oh I thought it was I thought it might be a trick but then I researched it and I think it's a it was those anal beads you put up your ass I thought it might be a trick, but then I researched it and I think it's a... But it was those anal beads you put up your ass.

I thought it was that too. But I think it's just a nice necklace for the dog. Nothing anal about it. Oh, it's just like calamari anal beads? Yeah, what do you mean? If there's something that exists, you could shove it up your ass, Sean. You know what? I don't know if you didn't know that, but that's true.

That is sage wisdom right there. Your heart in the mirror. Let me give this gentleman a shout out. Heartmirrors.com. There you go. I think it's a jewelry for children that he just made for the dog to be nice. How big is that kid's neck?

My dog is quite fat. No, I mean, if you made for children. Well, he made it for the dog. Special custom for the dog. Is this big enough for my dog. You know, special custom for the dog. Is this big enough for my dog? Probably not, honestly. This dog is fucking fat. It's got a stretch, right?

Yeah. It's got a thick neck. Okay, does anything make you a rage-tailish? And then I'm going to call it... That band's Vocal Fry. Men with Vocal Fry. Just Vocal Fry in general, actually. I try really hard to not do the vocal fry thing.

You don't have it. It's a conscious effort, I'm telling you. Yeah. It's just supporting your words to the end of the sentence. So it doesn't just trail off and you just get that vibration with no tone in it. Yeah. It really ruined talking to people in general.

It irritates a lot of people. I hear it, it doesn't bug me the way that it bugs some people, but that's a really calm one. We lost that war. We tried to have a war with Falk of Rhine, we lost a lot of hills over the years. Okay, goodbye everybody. Thank you. See ya, thanks. Let me see if anybody's in here. Nobody's in here. What the fuck is this shit popping up? Final Fantasy?