The Dick Show - Episode 439 - Dick on Good!

Episode Date: December 9, 2024

A healthcare CEO is killed, my girlfriend takes blankets to the dog shelter, Nick Rekieta calls in with settlement info and other things, a woman has too many guy friends, someone is lonely, a Chinese police ball takes to the streets, the FBI reverses course on encryption, the trans lawsuits begin, iPhone's AI is worthless, and Maddox reacts to recent news; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

You always know it's going to be a good episode when there's that long sigh starting it off. Like a Molly trip. Yeah, it's like when you know you just have a freshly made bed ready to just like, ah, what am I going to do today? Oh, look at this guy. Look at this guy. Look at this gentleman. Look at this handsome fucking guy and then some dickhead

wearing glasses and a Matic shirt. What a fucking. All right, streaming. Streaming, we are saved. We're rolling. We're rolling. Oh, man. That's what you do.

Ah. There's nothing you do. Ah. There's nothing worse than the we're rolling. I need a that machine. Yeah. I need to have a machine that lets me pop the top and gives me that sound and maybe releases a fragrant burst of beer smell. No alcohol.

And just something I can pop and go, ah. Well, it's easy. It's just called crack another beer. Just keep cracking them. Whether you drink them all or not is a different story. But I'm getting too goddamn. My dad said he gained 30 pounds when my mom was pregnant with me, and I said, I think I already did.

I'm going to double it. Your dad gained 30 pounds. Yeah. Forever ago. That's impressive. Which would put him at about my weight. So when I can't. Right.

Right? Fucking Edward James Olmos fucking junior over here. Jesus Christ. Oh, is that what I'm going to look like? Edward James Olmos with junior weight? That's your dad. Fucking Edward James Olmos junior, dude. Next time I see him, I'm going to be like, you know. What's up, Edward James Olmos? Junior way, that's your dad fucking edward james almost jr. Dude Next time I see him. I'm gonna be like you know what's up edward james. Yeah, I'm gonna ask him for his autograph

Really catch him off guard with that one Man famed valencia mcdonald's operator We're good We're good. We're good. It're good. We're good. We're good. It's almost like there's a real audio engineer back on the scene. But you had to say, oh, the track is named Sean's track on there, isn't there? It's named Sean Print. And it's going to stay that way forever.

No. Dick, you know what makes me a rage? What's that? Is when you're the assistant engineer and you get that call one day that says, hey, main engineer's out. Sean has died of dysentery. Yep, Sean died main engineer's out and you're up to bat, kid. Sean has died of dysentery. Yep, Sean died of dysentery and you're up to bat.

I don't want to be up to bat, I'm the assistant. I don't want to fucking do shit. I sit back there and take notes and make sure all the shit works. I will take the challenge. I will take the responsibility. And then here comes that phone call, that last gig I'm the assistant on ever in my life. Hey, Sean's gone. That motherfucker, if he would have headed his way, he would have just vanished.

Yeah. He just got a new phone. Well, I told him. Like, ah, fuck it, I'm done. I just assume, and I may have told you too, I just assumed that Sean went and broke up with his fiance at that point and moved to the mountains and finally heard his favorite audio of all. Absolute silence. Absolute silence.

Just find his own heartbeat. That's all he gets to hear. He'd be out in space. Yeah, exactly. He'd be out in space floating in a zero sound environment. Like, god, this heartbeat's really driving me nuts. I got to have total. I got to chop my head off.

Sean lives in an anechoic chamber to silence all the noise. My dog! My dog was acting weird. And I'm like, what's the deal? And I finally hit me. I'm like, oh, you're waiting for Sean. Oh, no.

Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, no. We you're waiting for Sean oh yeah oh no we're all waiting the dog would always start tripping out around noon going where's the guy where's the guy where's the guy with the guy neck not the fucking guy with the curly hair and fucking glasses where is that God where's that God where's the God man not you coming stink daddy Sean came down from Olympus this guy just drove up from fucking who knows fucking where What an ass if you give you a v-neck so you can trick the dog

He will wipe all of Sean's like scent on you. I was yeah, you gotta get the I'll cut my hair I don't want to admit this but I was practicing all week. I'm like, I'm gonna really come in. I'm really gonna make this feel the same for everybody because no one likes the substitute teacher. No one likes new mom, but here we are. No one likes new mom? No one likes other mom. Well, no one likes their regular mom. Not according to the hentai I read. Ah, true. Everyone likes new mom in that book. But that's how you know it's wrong. That's how you know it's, you know, in affront to God. And then look at this, look at this nonsense that I see here.

Look at that. You found this photo. Johnny, you found this photo. I found this photo. So this is a very old photo. This is something else that you sent me here. How did you find this photo that I'm showing right now? I was looking through old session photos, trying to upload, and I was like, you know what?

I got some funny pictures from, you know, that I can put on my website, shit like that. And here I come across this ancient gem of us 10 years ago, almost to the day. This is when the stalking conspiracy was first born. Here is two stalkers both wearing Matic shirts. This was, yeah. We looked at each other and we said,

oh, we're going to get this asshole. We're going to get this son of a bitch. That was was... We looked at each other and we said, oh, we're gonna get this asshole. We're gonna get this son of a bitch. That was what we uttered to each other. We said, look, we're gonna take this picture as a fucking monument to fucking when we get this asshole. And what do you know? Lo and behold, 10 years later. Me wearing a shirt that,

going by my real name that I didn't wanna do, being forced to go by my real name. Me also going by my real name, which I still do, but you know, that's just life. Ten years ago. Ten years ago. There's us meeting at the YouTube live show, which was a disaster. That was a disaster, and I'll never forget on Twitter you were like, hey, I need an audio engineer. And I said, dude, I don't know if you remember me or not,

I was front row at that fucking shit. And you were like, dude. Your hair! Look at my hair, look at my, Presentable. Dude, I was presentable, fucking full of life still, full of like hope, full of love,

full of all these things, and then literally that six months later, I moved to LA and fucking, That was the end. Here we are, buddy, here we fucking are. 4.1 billion streams later later and some fat child porn collecting motherfucker with glasses who isn't Steve Albinis Is trying to come after my fucking crown a not on my watch not on my fucking anything?

Okay, I remember you were talking about veto a little bit before the show I only talked about him once on you know, maybe a stray episode here or there. Oh wait, that's actually every episode I've been on. That fucking fat disappointment. I'm gonna sell you to the fucking lowest whaling bitter and make you into a fucking finest perfume for the next thousand years, you fat fuck. Don't you ever, ever! Don't you ever come after my crown ever again. You think you can fucking record a 90 piece fucking orchestra? You're not no fucking audio shit. You need to go finish your fucking comic book and lose that goddamn weight you fat motherfucker.

Okay, here we go. Son of a bitch. Let's do it. That was for you, Sean. All that rage you're getting rid of, I'm accumulating. Sean, we just can't have a healthy show. Sorry, I know you love that, but I can't do it. Yeah! Welcome to Dick. You want Dicky, you think you love Dicky. Got it! It's a show, it's a contest, it's gonna be a live from Mountain Bunker Deep in the heart

of the city of Philly. I'm your host, Dick Mash, the new guy, the 20 million dollar man joining me. For the first time in 10 years. For the first time in 10 years is Johnny. Johnny the audio engineer. Man, that was Johnny the runner in that picture. Johnny the audio engineer. Johnny the audio engineer.

Johnny the audio engineer. Johnny the audio engineer. Johnny the audio engineer. Johnny the audio engineer. Johnny years for the first time in ten years is Johnny Johnny the audio engineer man that was Johnny the runner in that picture now. It's Johnny Johnny the audio engineer How you doing buddy man? I am more bitter and hateful and spiteful and just I'm the worst person you've ever known really Let me give you something that might make you feel better about yourself Here's Maddox. Maddox has heard some upsetting news, I think.

Oh! He's on Twitter. To be clear, this guy is a thief! He's talking about me. Oh. I posted, you know, Vito and I have a show called The Biggest Problem in the Universe where we discuss the biggest problem in the universe. It's so funny, because last time I saw you, ten years ago, you also had a show,

you specifically had a show called Biggest Problem in the Universe. Trademarks expire. Trademarks expire, co-hosts get bald and fat. To be clear, this guy is a thief, and this was not licensed from me. He filed a secret trademark after he argued in court that we were 50-50 owners, even though I own the domain, and it's based on my brand and writing he's trying to provoke me into a lawsuit for content

Well you wouldn't want to do that right man because that would be stupid Oh yeah it would be terrible for a second wall Pathetic! Okay so someone says, um, someone says, uh, uh, hey, by the way, uh, uh, 80s girl's pregnant. Oh, I fucking love that one. I'm sure he fucking took that one very well. He seems like he could, you know, is mature, emotionally mature and stable enough to be able to take that news.

Yeah, let me find it. Fuck, I didn't, I didn't cut it right. Why do I always do this, Seanny? You know, I saw my outfit on your timeline. Is that... What's going on here? He says, uh, they said, oh, he also knocked... Oh, wow, Sean left?

Even that scumbag finally had enough, huh? Whoa! Here's a short list of people and orgs he's fucked over who've cut ties with him. Me, Asterios, Sean, some bitch, the KF guy. The KF guy would be null, I guess. Null, you mean my best friend, Null? Zenzel, all of USB, MasterCard, DiscoverCard, Bank of America, and countless bars and clubs. So somebody says he also knocked up 80s girl and Max goes good

Good good That's like the most like Zelda fucking CDI or whatever the fucking Phillips system like fucking response Jesus fuck That's the most in control someone ever is is when they get news good screaming You know, you're gonna have to pay for that good! Yeah. Oh good. I was hoping you'd say that. Yeah. I'm not at all affected by this. I gotta ask you to leave. Good! Oh that's great. Yeah. Good for who? Damn that was your own. Good. That was your own car. Good! Yeah better my car than someone else's. Yeah, better my guard is own else's Good that's weird though as she's not his type parentheses high school student

Well, I'm glad he knows That's weird though like So if you're looking for the seething limit, there it is. It's everywhere! Seething is everywhere I've come to find. Can you uno reverse-o him? You make a podcast of the same name and provoke him into a lawsuit to prove he owns the rights to it. Maddox, yes, yes, I could do that, but I have better things to do with my life.

And there's really nothing I can do to make him more miserable than he already is. An alcoholic stalker who has built his entire life around obsessing over me. He's sad and broken. This is my alcoholic friend having a diet coke in front of me. Fucking... Oh man. Jesus. You're sad and fucking... You're not even shaking or anything. Like what the fuck?

Like if you're gonna be an alcoholic, you need to be a better alcoholic. Yeah! I shoot with this hand. I need to see you need it. Not just like, oh you know I'll have a few drinks and enjoy myself. Like I need real fucking alcoholism. What is all this half committing shit? I don't know. I gotta lose some weight before I get back into alcohol. No, gain more weight. I said I'm getting too fat, you know, to my girlfriend. I'm getting too fat. She goes, well you just have to cut out beer. And I'm like, yeah that's, I mean that's like, I don't want to get AIDS. Well you just have to stop having gay sex. Like, oh okay, I'll just cut out, I'll just cut out, you know, 90% of my life. What do you mean don't drink beer? That's the only reason I can fucking stay awake.

That's all you have to do is cut out beer. Oh, okay. Oh, that's all. I'll get right on top of that. Sure. The bonus episode we recorded was Sean's very last episode. We managed to snag him going out the door. Travesty.

Travesty. It's quite an episode. Check it out at patreon.com slash The Dick Show. Have you seen it? We watched Maddox's interview with a psycho Psychiatrist or psychologist you know I couldn't watch it because if the reality had said in the Sean was gone That would be it. I wouldn't have I would have you would have watched me drive off the cliff. Yeah, I'm like that's it He's gone to him. He left for cigarettes and never came back home for us

I'll we met to him Maddox is doing this interview with a psychologist, I guess. And shortly into the interview, you realize that they both hate the other one. Like, they think the other one's an idiot. Because the psychologist starts talking about universal unconscious, how Maddox's article predicted 9-11, sort of. Oh. Maddox doesn't predicted 9-11 sort of oh

Maddox doesn't want to say you're retarded because he needs to get this his documentary out there to the 700 views that Watching the video like a shell game of the blind leading the blind yeah retarded leading the retard Yeah, so he's like what do you think about that? And I was like ah you know I just I'd have to see evidence. It's like no that's fucking stupid man I'm gonna start telling people I'm like you know what you really predicted 9-eleven. I'm just gonna put that impetus on everyone else You know what like I was thinking about it and just kind of reflecting on some prior conversations, man I think I think you might have said it. How do you feel about that? How do you feel about being such a soothsayer about this? We had we had some Maddox AI. Maybe I'll play some Maddox AI. Always love Maddox AI.

It's fantastic reacting to the departure of Sean. Ken Dallin-Hide sent in a song, Chris the Key, we wrote a poem. Speaking of old shit, I gotta find the picture where Maddox is signing my iPad. Mr. Anti-Apple. Oh really? But I got him to sign my fucking iPad. That was the whole joke, because I brought an in Or iPad. Yeah, I was like I Bet you he's gonna sign it because his ego is bigger than any article He's written and he signed it and I have a picture of him fucking signing it somewhere. I'm gonna find it Yeah, it's funny. It's great. Here. He is in his fucking full regalia going. I'm signing an Apple product I'm so much better than Steve Jobs cuz I'm alive and it's like that's cool

But also like you're a guy who couldn't get a banana costume up and off the ground Well, actually I missed the bin. I missed the banana That was his best that was his best shit. Yeah, he's got to get back on that if he did that I would start watching I've got some tell you what makes me rich this week. That's right. I'm sitting on some Grade a industrial grade, military grade, Psyop. Ooh. Here.

This is. My girlfriend was pregnant for about a day and a half before I started getting instruction manuals from her on how to. It says, we're pregnant. We're pregnant, yeah, already a big strike against it. Yeah, who wrote this? She goes, I got a book for you.

It's called, We're Pregnant, a dad's pregnant handbooks and I said I don't need to I don't need that I don't know why you think I would need that but I don't I don't know one senior dr Phil clip where you said women are great at fucking children, but not raising them. Why that's a whole thing She goes well, it's very it has a lot of good reviews and I said by men She goes well, let me see and shirt. Oh Rumbles not on oh you know Rumble Rumble Rumble Rumble Rumble Rumble sorry Captain Cheese sorry camel toe 11 rumble rumble rumble camel toe 11 you're the one I'm sorry the most about okay so it works there let me see Damn it. I'm fucking rumble man

You know what's wrong is everything everything is fucking wrong all the time I fucking about a red bulb, but you made me this delicious cup of coffee. So, you know, I'm good Once I start shaking I can't tell if I'm shaking from too much coffee or not enough alcohol. One of them is What the fuck detrimental to my health. Oh, I see what happened here. OK. Well. Wait, your email is really Vitoisfatandgay69

at gmail.com? Yeah. Is it because someone already took Vitoisfatandgay at gmail.com? Uh-oh. Uh-oh, this thing's fritzing out. All right, everybody, make sure you join the Dick Show Minecraft server we're setting up.

You can watch this. You can listen to us in Minecraft. The Fortnite skin is coming up next. Stop streaming and start. Let's see if that works. Let's see. How about? Waiting for stream...

And... I'm sick of waiting for stream, I'm sick of waiting for Guffman, I'm just sick of it all. I am sick of waiting for stream. I've... Especially waiting for Guffman, that wasn't even the best movie from that fucking guy. Amazing! He forgot Rumble! Amazing! Go to Vimeo, show started. It's me. That was my fault. I'd love to forgot Rumble! Amazing! Go to Vimeo, show started!

It's me. That was my fault. I'd love to blame Rumble. You know, as much as I like blaming Rumble, for no reason in particular, I just like blaming Rumble. Yeah. It's good to have something to blame. It is. As we learned from the Irish, it's good to have someone to blame. Wait, Coof, there really is a biggest problem minecraft server. Yeah, there is that's actually really fucking funny Goes to show how term I was cool watching this Well, that's Kuf like I just always hear Kuf without it working. I mean, oh, how do you know you were talking about minecraft? Oh Cuz you just started it

Either that or Kufa's tapped in I think Kufa's just tapped it. That's just he's just kind of knows what's happening Kufa's Kuf gets the deal Kuf understands the program here The bear we go. Oh my god. Look at us V neck listen Oh, what a big piece of shit you missed if you were just tuning in on rumble You missed another of touching tribute to Sean, and a reminder to check out the bonus episode, although I'm sure all of you listening live already saw it. And that we'll be touching ourselves

to give tributes to Sean directly via text. So send them all to me, everybody. I've got this tremendous book. Yeah, We're Pregnant, what's that all about? I didn't realize you had to deal with half're pregnant. What's that all about? I didn't realize you had to deal with half this burden. It's uh... I guess you have to hear about the complaints the whole time. It's first time dad's pregnancy handbook and I said okay yeah I don't know I don't need that because well it's got great reviews.

Is it by men? Yeah. Yeah I think so. It's loaded up. Sure enough, it's like, Michelle, Adrienne, this helped my husband so much. This taught my man how to be, you know, Letitia. Fuck not, absolutely not. So I crack it open and it says, it's written from the perspective of a guy who's like the worst, like the most basic bitch sports gambler. A guy who shouts at home watching football. Right.

Right? Usually someone wearing a fucking quadruple XL fucking jersey about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, oh, I remember when my wife first got pregnant, she found out I was out with the boys and I said I would be home and I didn't and I woke up the next day hungover and she goes I tested myself last night and I was pregnant and you missed it and he goes that's when I knew I'd hit I'd hit rock bottom. I'm like what the fuck is this? What the fuck? It's a book so you can nag yourself on doing chores. Isn't that incredible? Next level nagging. You know

what makes me a rage? Is fucking- Sponsored by, uh, I don't know who's sponsored by it. You know what they say, Dick, and I know you of all people know this, those who can't do fucking teach, so when you get assholes out there writing books on how to raise kids, you need to look and inspect to see how great their fucking families are, cause I guarantee their kids fucking hate them, everything about that book fucking sucks, all they wanted was a cheap fucking griff and they got it this is this is who it's for this guy a bald asshole with a fucking wiener dog

in his fucking front pouch if that is the most you want to be a bro you want to be a cool dad no I want to be a cool I don't need a whole village of men and muscle dummies and you know I don't need to go to the man those toughness camps the gravy seal camps I don't need any help in this hey kid hold my pack of cigarettes while you watch me jump my fucking piece of shit truck over this sand dude yeah cool dad it's white pills though I got you have that new iPhone update I I don't know, actually. You don't know? They did a great thing where they've crammed AI into it.

Oh, God. Which we, you know. I needed that. How did they know? How did they know? I needed it in the phone. All I needed was something that I needed to boss around even more in my day of, hey, no, do it correctly this time.

Yeah, so there's- Do you think I need that digitally? I do it enough fucking in real life. I don't need to do it online, too. There's your inbox now, your email inbox on your phone. Get that a look. No, no, no. So before it was just like your emails, right? Right, yeah. But now it's got an AI assistant and the AI assistant gets your priority emails.

So it's like a little box inside the box. So it's an email list inside your email list and the priorities are stuff like there was a sign on to your Google account. There's a reason I don't even have human assistance because they're all fucking retarded. You think I want a digital thing that's so fucking generic? And this is driving the entire S&P 500. Our entire stock market is essentially this box within a box. Look, all I gotta say is thank God for index funds. Because I don't wanna fucking... Well, that's what that is.

That's what scares me the most! It's like, at least we have the average, but then to see what the average is being controlled by, it's like... Oh, I don't like that. I don't like anything. I never liked it to begin with, but I like things even less now. What is that called? Growing up. Yeah, I think it's called Okay, what did I what do I have here? Realizing that the spice of life is fucking bad for you. We got the free Riley fest January 18th I think I said find a bar out there. I think Nick Riquette is coming. I gotta be there for that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna put tickets up. I'll put tickets up today. That one's gonna be a real seat of the pants kind of event because Riley goes into his Eric July hurt feelings trial the next week. I got nothing but fucking, Riley's got this. Yeah, I think so, right? I mean, it's in his name. He's gonna rile everybody up. He's just got it. I mean, it's in his name.

He's gonna rile everybody up. That's just his bit. Let's see. The news of the week is health insurance CEO is sadly... I already forgot about that. I just like it popped up and I'm like, all right. Once everyone started doing all the cute shit, I'm like, I don't care. What cute shit?

The lookalike contest? Was that the Monopoly money? Was that cute shit? I don't care what cute shit the look-a-like contest was that the monopoly money was that cute shit I don't know that's pretty good everyone's social media status became like the fucking triple D of diners driving and dives and I'm like well fucking the deposed yeah all that shit defend and I'm like alright like all everyone who's reposting that is the most bitch made pussy motherfucker who's not gonna pick up a gun in their life once So I'm like all you motherfuckers just shut the fuck up like just take your little fucking win where you get it And unless you're gonna go take a gun and point it in the correct direction I don't want to fucking know just offering you know just offering a little support like run. Oh, J

Run you remember that we were down on the freeway saying come on the juice You gotta get get out of here unless you're fucking on the freeway with a similar Bronco I don't want to fucking hear it everyone wants to tag on and fucking coattail We're doing like an I am Spartacus kind of thing. Yeah, it's not I'm the real shooter No, I'm the real shooter. I'm the shooter, but I'm a fucking social worker and fucking Sacramento Look at me how if I and it's like it the fuck Are you anti? Are you anti the celebrating the slaying

of the healthcare CEO? No, I'm anti people thinking like they fucking would be the one to do it. None of these motherfuckers posting about it would have the fucking stones. And that's what pisses me off. Sonny, this is a major white pill that is happening here. It is a major white pill, but here's the thing,

it's not gonna inspire anyone to do anything different. Everyone's a fucking lazy- What do you mean, what do you mean? Why do you think that? Everyone is a scared fucking no. Here's why. Nothing ever happens, guys, are eternally blown the fuck out after this.

Something did happen. Something did happen. Yeah. But what's gonna happen after this? They're afraid. They're already, they're holding up, they're having an emergency thinking session. Which is great. They're having emergency finding out sessions all around the country. CEOs, healthcare workers, even journalists, everybody is having an emergency finding out session at work.

Guys, we got to sit around and think about why everyone fucking hates us. Which is great. And is laughing at us dying like we're a fat person that just fell down the stairs. Which is great because I love laughing at fat person that just fell down the stairs. Which is great, because I love laughing at fat people not even falling down the stairs. But the thing is, is everyone being like, oh, yeah, I would have done the same thing. It's like, no, you fucking wouldn't have, because one person went and did it. One person went and did it. And you get all these fucking posturing ass motherfuckers.

It's like, none of you have the fucking stones to go do this. That's my guy. You're being a contrarian. This is a, this has been a month of tremendous wins. What I want to see is action. I love this celebration, but you, do you know how many empty celebrations we've had and enjoyed? That's what I'm sick of.

What do you mean? Which ones? All of them. If it's a celebration, it's empty. Yeah. I hate that. Just no, no, no, no, no, it's empty. Yeah. I hate that. Just no no no no no no no Less fanfare. I just want to see

Every day when I wake up I want to see so and so got shot so and so got shot so and so got not Hey one guy got shot and then we celebrated it for the next 15 years. See it's never gonna be enough for you You're gonna they're gonna be 10 guys you're gonna be like well There's still other guys out there. Not a once. Not a fucking once. Nothing's ever enough. Here's the Here's the news article on it. This one's pretty funny. This is the BBC pigeon announcement of the slaying Police they find suspects way shoot and kill ogre wait of ogre Okay, ogre of ogre bong gay. I thought I had a fucking stroke looking at this just now till I realized it was

I thought I had a fucking stroke looking at this just now until I realized it was patient I was like, I just- It's the ogre of ogbonga Why is there a BBC pigeon? Well, you know why For me? Yeah Makes sense The ogre of ogbonga

So the ogre of ogbonga got slayed Deeply starved for 10 million dollars reward for anyone help We had a suspect Yeah, let's see here. This is insane. They found him with they found his backpack They're saying and it was full of Monopoly money. That is kind of funny But see that's what I mean who else do you know that could be that funny and fucking do something that fucking real There's got to be another guy You know all of all of civilization what I'm seeing with people's reaction to this, especially women's reaction to this, well maybe not all of them either.

They're very out of touch with how civilization is held together and it's very simply, it's you know, what the murders that most men ignore. And they choose to ignore the good ones and they punish the bad ones. It's never been a system of, like all these guys are crying about morality and what laws are and where would we be in society if there was just assassinations in the street?

We'd, well, you know. We'd be a much better society. Yeah, we're kind of in that society, man executions much like we just saw people would act right Which is why I'm like there needs to be more public executions because then people would go you know what? Maybe I shouldn't fuck all those people over Maybe I should just treat people the way they should fucking deserve to be treated some people deserve to be treated like shit Yeah, that's just what they get but other people like it's just like How fucking hard is it?

How hard is it to not to not how hard is it to not roll out an AI? System that denies people life-saving how hard is it to not deny kids wheelchairs? I'm asking is like yeah, I throw up a poll who is responsible for more American deaths Osama bin Laden or healthcare Oh CEOs and People were kind of like, you know, you know when you ask something where people can't give you straight answer What's a butterfly effect? Are we talking about the the Patriot Act and everything since or are we just talking about the direct actions of it? Well, I mean there is no direct actions either way

Manson was arrested. He didn't kill anybody. That's a fuck. I'm a bin Laden. I don't think killed anybody direct actions of it. Well, I mean, there is no direct actions either way. Manson was arrested. He didn't kill anybody. That's a fucking. I was not even lying. I don't think killed anybody. That's true. He was just the head of a criminal syndicate that's

responsible for a lot of debts. They were just mad he had a lot of cool shit on his computer. Yeah. So I think the morality is, I hope, now that we're in charge. Yes. Right. Now that our guys are in charge. now that we're running elections based on... Now that our guys are in charge, yes.

Now that our generation is in charge, we're running elections based on shitposting, you know? Which is great. The election is no longer who can look more like a fake person, because that's what our parents voted for. Who's the best at looking like a fake person? Right. Oh, you're doing a pretty good job of...

Yeah, yeah, whenever I interrupt somebody during a political conversation, I always thank them for their response, you know? Think of fucking Reagan and shit. Which is what all those debates were. Like, oh, they're presidential. I want to thank you again for debating with me. Like, that's, yeah, and our parents were like,

yeah, that's how I am too. I always, but our generation is like, oh my god, he just called that chick fat on TV! Yeah, that's what I am too. I always, but our generation is like, oh my God, he just called that chick fat on TV. Yeah, that's what I wanna be. People forget that old presidential debates where they're standing on a fucking stage in front of the whole town. It's fucking, they're vicious.

It was worse than what we're seeing now. And that was their, that was what they wanted to vote for. Right. And then the media took over and our parents wanted to vote for a different kind of totally fake person. Saving face. Their lives are largely based around just total fraud. Like how can I present myself?

What is the pretense here? I just need to look like I'm a good person. I'm gonna run myself into massive amounts of debt just keeping up appearances, right? Yeah, fuck that. But we're seeing a sea change of, a generational sea change of taking over these social norms, the currency we're taking it over. The guys are crying about, well you guys can't just, the government can't just buy Bitcoin.

You can't just print unlimited money and buy Bitcoin. The government just can't create Bitcoin and then sell it to you guys. That's what we're doing. Sorry, you guys should, you had plenty of time to figure it out, but now you're fucking, now too many of you are dead. That's what I'm fucking saying dude, is just like fuck everybody. So, I should you had plenty of time to figure it out But now you're fucking down too many of you are dead. That's right fucking saying dude is just like fuck everybody So I hate everybody I Hope this this new this new

Morale morality that we usher in is one where? Pretending to do a good job that results in millions of people dying, going blind, getting their wheelchairs revoked, that it's actually evil. And you know, it's kind of funny when something bad happens to you when you're a fucking murderer. I am hopeful. But the thing is, is you're hopeful on a whole sea of fucking idiots and morons who just fucking are like, oh, Trump's president, that means I have to move out of the country.

And it's like, what are you fucking thinking? What is anybody fucking thinking? I just hope they all shut the fuck up and just like, if you're gonna do something, if you're gonna celebrate something, I wanna see you on the front lines doing something. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's, I'm telling you, the time, the doom shit, doom scrolling.

Not even doom scrolling. I just like. It's time to embrace a bold new future Johnny In a bold new future of action I'm so sick of all these words words where people think they can just come in on another podcast that they got nothing to fucking Do with with their stupid fucking words, you know, just like I'm tired of words. I want okay Here's let me pull one of these up celebrating. Oh, yeah celebrating the murder You think Taylor Lorenz is gonna pull a fucking gun out and shoot somebody? No. Yeah, they're they're pretending that that's what I'm saying

They're telling that it's all the left getting all get all these fucking pretenders out of here If you if you watch the loved one die because an insurance conglomerate has denied their life-saving treatment as a cost-cutting measure It's natural to wish that the people who would run such conglomerates would suffer the same fate. Yeah, it's um... I guess it's really funny because... The Incredibles. You remember that movie? No, I don't watch it. You didn't watch The Incredibles?

I'm trying to be an audio engineer, not trying to be a fucking movie guy. You heard of that movie though? I've heard of it. It starts with the main character... murdering... the head of an insurance company. You didn't know that. The first five minutes of the movie, or the first ten minutes of the movie, the main character has a psychotic break. The good guy, and decides to stop working at his insure-care business, and stops trying to work within the system to help people one-on-one. He has a psychotic break watching a mugger hurt a woman

and he grabs the throat of the head of the insurance company and throws him through six walls, which even as a... Even in children, he gets up and walks away, obviously, because it's a cartoon, but in your mind, you understand that this was a murder. The children see this as a murder, adults see this as a murder, and this marks the step of his journey to was a murder. The children see this as a murder, adults see this as a murder, and this marks the step of his journey

to becoming a hero, right? To becoming a hero and a family man and a protector who ultimately fights an incarnation of DEI. The bad guy in that movie is everyone is valid, everyone's worthy of being a hero, and I've created a system. Fuck everybody, yeah. Well, that's his position.

Similarly, Breaking Bad, you know, everyone's worthy of being a hero and I created a system. Fuck everybody, yeah. Well, that's his position. Similarly, Breaking Bad, you know, is a healthcare, it's gonna fuck, healthcare is gonna fuck this guy over with cancer, so he decides to just become a murderer and start killing bad guys. And in both of these, people as a whole said, yes, this is our morale, yeah, this is exactly what we are.

Right. Give me, is exactly what we are. Right. Put it into my veins. I'll buy the toys. I'll dress up as it. I have the catchphrases memorized. I know that I watch it. I put it on to feel good. Put it on in the background to feel good.

And then it happens and people are confused. Well, have you not been paying attention for 20 years? We've been telling you this for 20 years. This is the DNA. That's what I'm fucking saying. Of our generation. The most American thing you can do is take that gun and point it in the correct direction. But fucking everyone else is like, oh, I hate America. I hate all this.

And it's like, no, get in there and fucking show everyone what the fuck you stand for. I'm so tired of all the fucking like posturing. I don't think you can say that. I can absolutely say that because I can say tired of all the fucking like posturing. I don't think you can say that. I can absolutely say that because I can say anything I want to you because nothing fucking matters. Yeah, I see the... I see people blaming doctors too, which is funny.

Good, fuck everybody. Just fuck everybody. The doctors too and at the same time a doctor friend of mine hits me and goes, hey I just got off a month of like shift, right? Oh, Jesus. I know how that goes. Doctors who go into hundreds of... Doctors who will go into hundreds of thousands, half a million dollars in debt and work 18-hour days.

To save your worthless fucking life for you to complain about it, yep. To save your worthless life, right? They have become essentially slaves to a administrative machine. Correct. Just so you can do the dumbest thing possible or grind yourself into bones out on the street pounding fentanyl and jacking guys off. Just to keep you at a state of like semi-consciousness. This is how, this is what their lives are. They have no... Right? Why do you think I didn't do anything fucking meaningful with my life? Because it doesn't fucking mean anything anyway.

All you gotta do is help people who don't want to be helped. Don't help anybody! So he says, this walks into the clinic today, and I can't show a picture, but it was a guy with a shot glass Okay Jammed through his dick hole Hahahaha I mean Into his bladder And no one was impressed at the very least?

I mean, fuck I mean, they're not in the mood to laugh That's a lot of fucking effort Cause it's not like that was the most stand out worst thing It's like that's a little bit worse than the rest of it. A shot glass jam... He jammed so much shit into his... He jammed so much stuff into his dickhole that it had become stretched out enough to cram a shot glass into it.

I know why they weren't impressed, because he did it the bottom side first. If he did it the top side first, then they would have been like, this guy's fucking insane. And he sent me some of the notes on it, which I found funny in contrast to the pervasive blame of doctors.

They're anesthesiologists, they're trying to get one over on everybody. They should have, they should get whatever they want. Like, well, how much money do you want? Just have whatever you want for free, you know, for the rest of your life. Don't go crazy. But obviously, you don't have to keep track of budgets and shit. How many of there are you? Right.

And you're saving people's lives left and right. Why do you have to pay for anything? Why do you have any debt at all? We have plenty of stuff. We have plenty of food for everyone, and we definitely have plenty of shit for the very small amount of people who can and or will pull a shot glass out of someone's cock so they can continue living. Do you know what I'm saying?

Well, it's these goddamn doctors. We really gotta negotiate. No, no, no, no, no, no. You guys are thinking about this in a very fucked up way. It just shows you how many people don't know the first thing about fucking business. Yeah. It's not the guy serving you, McDonald's, that's the problem. It's fucking the larger thing.

It's the guy that will go home and shove something bigger in his cock. Oh, now the shot glass I can't feel. It's actually the guy who fucked up my order at McDonald's now I gotta go back through like a fucking asshole and be like listen you piece of shit like what do you mean? There's no fucking sauce in this bag. I'm supposed to eat just fucking sauceless my fucking McDonald's. Yeah, I can suffer So what an asshole? Yeah, everybody's an asshole. So the guy getting gunned down Mm-hmm versus the guy pulling a shot glass out of your penis, right? I think the shot glass guy is the one I think the doctor is the one providing a service here I think so

That's like It's all just so backwards man Nothing fucking makes sense anymore. That's what I'm like, I don't care what anyone's words are. I just want to see- if you're gonna do something then fucking go do something. If you- if someone I specifically know goes and does something, I will happily parade it around. Until that day, I'm just gonna fucking... Fuck you, fu- I'm just gonna- You're still gonna fuck you!

No, you have to enjoy these things. I mean, I do- of course I enjoy these things, but I But part of what I enjoy about it is then being able to be like, you fucking idiot. Fuck you. Like, that's the fun in it. Yeah. If you're not posturing or feeling better about yourself in some way, whether perceived or real, it's like, what's the point?

OK, let me see if I have any more on this assassin. Oh, yeah, this was a good quote from, I guess he was at a hostel and he took his mask off to flirt with some chick. That's funny. This is the healthcare, oh yeah, okay. Internet sleuths say they won't help find the UnitedHealthcare CEO killer.

TikTok users who would normally leap at the chance to identify an alleged criminal are standing down during the manhunt for the killer of the UnitedHealthcare CEO, Brian Thompson. Sparks, who also works in healthcare as a lactation consultant and holds a doctorate of pharmacy, didn't mince words when she asked if her community was working to find the suspect in Thompson's murder. Absolutely the fuck not, she said. A lactation consultant yeah, you're lactating. Oh shit. You're actually not lactating Absolutely the fuck not are you working to help that guy are you working to find that guy no well

Correct, but that's the correct. I mean society's gonna break down if If we don't have if we don't have guys making artificial intelligence to fuck over people with health insurance claims. It's a business. What do you mean? A lot of guys who, there's a lot of guys who, the meta seems to be, well, we can't stop all these impossible to understand complicated systems. The government spending is out of control. Yeah, but you know, you can't stop it. We can't possibly trim any of it. Well, healthcare is totally fucked.

Well, killing somebody won't help. Okay, well then what will? Well... Kill more people. It's not just somebody, it's some buddies until fucking shit changes. Hmm. I think it would be funny if they went and raised the rates and denied even more people after this. It's like, oh yeah, you want to fucking come after us? Well, double fuck you. That would be-

I've seen that floating around. I've seen that before too, and I've seen companies do that and that shit is fucking funny because it's not what you think it's gonna be and it's like, oh well you can also make things worse too Like it's fucking... goes both ways Here we go. Here's another hero Which is why I'm like just go fucking do something about it. I'm not talking about it like fucking morons. In October some journalist in October I marched to the White House and lit my arm on fire Where did he march from? If he just marched to the White House

from a nearby fucking- The bus, I think. From the fucking Uber, yeah. I lit my arm on fire to protest our government's role assisting in the crimes of genocide. As a result, I lost my job as a photojournalist for a CBS affiliate. I'll be live on Instagram Saturday at five

to discuss everything. So this guy- Hang on, hang on, hang on. He said for a CBS affiliate, not for CBS, a CBS affiliate, meaning he was for some fucking small ball. Yeah, fucking this, all this coat tail riding. I'm so fucking sick of it, dude. Well, look at his, what do you think of his picture?

He lit his, he went there, he marched to Washington DC, and then he's wearing this Palestine scarf, I don't know what it's called, a kifya. And he's lifting his left arm. I don't know if that's the one that you, one of them is offensive because you wipe your ass with it, right? In Middle Eastern culture, one of the arms,

like they don't shake hands because you wipe your ass. Right hand is what you shake with, left hand is what you wipe your ass with. Okay, so he lit his left, not ass right hand is what you shake with left hand is what you wipe your ass with okay? So he lit his left not ass wiping hand on fire Disinfected his shit wiping hand great job, but then look at this picture of him screaming up into Yeah, we didn't see the part where he's screaming and rolling around and crying like a little bitch Then he got lost his job as a photo journalist Yeah, who would have thought?

Yeah, who would have guessed that ever? That's heroic. Such a hero. Look at all the change that happened from him lighting his arm on fire. He got fired and fucking... He got fired. He got double fired. Okay.

He says cease fire and he's starting a fire. What the fuck is that? Yeah? All right, here's how oh yeah, it's a good one. Let's see here Canada Canada Transit police say they don't know whether sexual assault suspect is male or Female despite having semen evidence, okay is male or female despite having semen evidence. Okay.

This is what I mean when I'm like, I fucking hate everything, dude. I fucking, I see why Sean was so burdened by all this because everyone's so fucking stupid. Canada Metro. Wait, hang on, hang on. It's a picture of them. No.

And they were still unsure. Well, yeah. And then they quote, they don't know if the primary suspect in a SkyTrain rape is male or female despite having recovered semen during the investigation. Hmm. Would that change if someone got shot? I don't know, see I know that health guy got shot and then all of a sudden, the health insurance companies were gonna stop paying for anesthesia

if it went past an hour. So I guess they just stop, you have to pay for it if the doctor goes over, right? And then all of a sudden they said, we're not gonna do that, nevermind. Yeah. We're gonna just keep paying for the anesthesia. That's what I'm fucking saying, dude, is like-

So it worked. Yeah. You can't, you gotta to abandon this I might have to you might have to start hoping I change Well, I always hope for change the white Obama On February 8th the Transit Police issued a press release pleading for the help to identify the suspect while photos showed what appeared to be a male with long hair Would have no pronouns used what appeared to be a male with long hair. What appeared to be a male even to blind people. Oh, yeah, they asked why they didn't say the sex. We've left it out for a reason.

It's because we don't know. The video evidence shows someone who would appear female. Here's predator in a wig We're not quite sure who is female presenting, but the physical evidence is that of a genetic male Steed said she later confirmed in an email that the physical evidence is in fact the suspects semen Okay, they didn't they said they didn't know What the sex was and they believe they said they didn't know what the sex was And they believe they said the cops believed that they have a penis the suspect. All right Well, yeah, you know fucking good luck

Best rats off to you, you know Jesus Christ That's the thing is I am hopeful I've just I'm not hopeful because I know how people are and people are fucking worthless. So it's- Johnny, we're in control. Patriots are in control. You know, I keep forgetting that sometimes. I keep forgetting that sometimes. We've lived so long.

I've worked in Hollywood too long that I forgot that fucking, you know. You know, but now- See, that's why I come on the show. You remind me that now it's okay. It's only happy times! That's why I had a fucking kid! Because the Patriots are in control now! I said, you know what? Things are actually gonna get better! You're fucking right. We're in charge now!

Let it be known that I am also joining in this celebration. It's our bullshit currency that we're using! I also want to see action, but now I want to see twice as much celebration. Oh, you're gonna see action, buddy. Good. That's all I want is action did you see the mayor's that said they said we're gonna fight Trump if he tries to deport anyone and then that fucking that border czar cuz I'm coming there and they're going I'm gonna arrest every mayor they said you know I wasn't I didn't mean that that's what I want to

see that's what I'm fucking talking about if I says I just want to see that guy with the potato for a head That's fucking you know that guy which guy the guy said we can we can deport him together That's orders are that's even funnier. No. I didn't see most things. I'm usually fucking working, so I don't see fucking anything Deported. He is very chatty. He's got a list. Maddox has a stalker list on Blue Sky. Stalkers and losers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, here we go. Let's see if there's a bunch of- This morning, former- God, there's a bunch of bullshit around it, of course. Always. Here we go. People say the talk of mass deportation is racist. It's a it's threatening to the immigrant community.

It's not threatened to an immigrant community. It should be more crap. Okay, let me try to find it on Twitter. It's always better there. Fucking Burning Man over there. Have you ever thought like I'm gonna go light my arm on fire? Deported? No. Together. over there. Have you ever thought like I'm gonna go light my arm on fire, deported together? No.

I have thought I'm gonna fucking set my, I'm gonna self-immolate like a Vietnamese monk, but never just my arm. Here we go. We have seen one estimate that says it would cost $88 billion to deport a million a year. I don't know if that's accurate or not. Dude, this fucking guy, have you ever talked to a guy that talks like that?

No. I'm like, okay man, I don't want no trouble here. We need Alberto Gonzales back of I do not recall, just I do not recall. Is that what American taxpayers should expect What price do you put on national security? Is that worth it? Is there a way to carry out? He's aggressive on the track and in real life. Yeah, it's a very Mass deportation without separating families of course there's

Families can be deported together. That's that kind of fucking iron rule approach I'm looking for. None of this fucking, no splitting hairs, no mincing words, just fine. You don't want to be separated as a family, then all of you get the fuck out. Everybody just get the fuck out. Everybody shut the fuck up everybody just get the fuck out everybody shut the fuck up Done with it the new ATF guy is he said he could make a ghost gun in probably a half hour Where do you get that fast? Fucking FBI came out. Oh, let me see if I can find fuck. I know I have this funny

the FBI came out and said the US cyber defense agency are warning Americans to use responsibly encrypted messaging and phone calls where they can. Ongoing and likely larger in scale. The Chinese hack is ongoing and likely larger in scale. Our suggestion, and what we have told folks internally, is not new here. Encryption is your friend, whether it's on text messaging or if you have the capacity to use encrypted voice

communication, even if the adversary is able to intercept the data, it's encrypted. The FBI, the government has been trying to kill encryption since I was a teenager. I, same. And now they're saying, you know what? You guys need to start using encrypted apps. We hate the Chinese so bad.

We would rather you encrypt your shit than give anything. Yeah. Now, you know what? We don't care anymore. Can you guys just start encrypting everything? I'm telling you, man, everything is suddenly reversing. It's no longer like, well, I can't wait for the government to kick my door in and take my Bitcoin. Like, now it's, hey, we're going to buy your Bitcoin. Name your price. You know what? China has as much There's a we need to increase the Bitcoin gap. It's like our pretend money is in charge now

Maybe our pretend money is running the show. Yeah The cops are telling us to encrypt stuff. I've been every fucking person my whole fucking life I dropped out of college to work at an encryption company, right? Every fucking person is same fucking question Well, what if somebody encrypts child porn? We have to me encrypt child porn with so many encry an encryption company, right? Every fucking person, the same fucking question, well what if somebody encrypts child porn? What if somebody encrypts child porn? What if somebody encrypts child porn? Right? Every fucking person, like they're trained, they're trained like needing to see, needing to see everything will somehow make it easier to stop people that we already know they're doing, right? Reversed. Overnight. Reversed. Well, yeah. Well see that's why I come on the show is to learn what's happening outside of the fucking studio for once, because Jesus fuck.

That's actually great news! You mean I'm finally hearing great news for the fucking first time in my fucking life on this fucking show? Of all fucking places? What the fuck is going on? Sean's gone. I don't understand anymore. I know, Vinny Paulino texted me, he said, congratulations. Sean finally left. And he goes, no. What an asshole. I said, no. When's he going to get a spine and fucking

get on a real podcast network? That's what I want to know. Oh, the See You Next Tuesday media network? Whatever, the Madcast media? OK. Here's a good one. Oh, this one's funny. Give me a good one I Think I busted my control key here With a hammer yes while using it as a hammer. Oh What what I usually the hammer comes in on Fridays right is this was on Friday I broke it and

Then Vito convinced me to replace it with another key, but it doesn't work comes in on Fridays, right? This was on Friday, I broke it. And then Vito convinced me to replace it with another key, but it doesn't work. You let that guy convince you of anything? It worked for a second. No, it doesn't. Funny how that works with fucking that guy. What the fuck is that? What is that shit?

Spherical police robot in China. Alright. Okay. It's an AI- AI equipped robot, of course. I mean. Gonna come deny you healthcare and fucking run you over. You know the worst part of the AI on the phone is it's like suggesting, you know how usually your phone will make suggestions of what word you're trying to type? No, I turned all that off. Me too. It's totally worthless, right?

So now that there's AI on the phone, it will give me suggestions of how to respond to my girlfriend. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know if they have like the fruity meter turned up. I have never typed a word bigger in my life. What are you adjusting my fucking text to? But it's like, it's all rainbow colored, like, the rainbow road with the suggestion of how to reply to her, and it's like, oh, okay, I can't wait, thanks. She's at this conference, and she's like, okay, I'll be back at this time, and it says,

okay, I can't wait, thanks, and it's all like glittery and zazzy. I want an AI that just automatically thumbs down every text I get from my girlfriend. Like, you know what? Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, bad idea, bad idea, bad idea. You have to discourage them into like, no, do it right this time. It's not a me problem, it's always a you problem. Yeah, so this spherical police robot is capable of pursuing criminals.

The AI-equipped robot can operate autonomously. It can even fall from heights. Oh, wow. Shit, a fucking robot that takes no fall damage? Oh, shit, we're fucked now. Isn't that, didn't George Lucas make a movie about a tire that was like hunting people down? Rubber or something?

Or Steven Spielberg, one of those guys did. It's like a Stephen King fucking movie even. Here comes this mystery tire. Maybe that was it. I don't know, it's all the same fucking all the same fucking the robot is capable of confronting perpetrators Shooting nets to immobilize them until police arrive. How many nets does this fucking thing have like? If it turns out that nets are really as effective as they are in cartoons, that's gonna be I'll be Thoroughly impressed. I'll sign up for that service any day

It attacks opponents at speeds of up to 35 kilometers an hour Wow let's see it in action Okay, so it's like a giant ball It's a giant tire if that hit you like a fucking 35 kilometers You're so fucked. Is this the future of world star hip hop? Just like these little balls getting dropped off in the ghetto and attacking. What happens when someone steals the rim from the middle? I mean, fuck. Is this gonna, is Beverly Hills gonna roll these out like a phalanx of little- Gonna be a little central like motor on sitting on a cinder block in a fucking parking lot.

This is absurd. Isn't it? That goes right for your knees. Yeah. Right? You're making your getaway. Oh, did you see the fucking- the looting in San Francisco? I didn't see anything. They announced that the tsunami was coming and then the news was like, and local residents

have already begun looting for supplies, and it was like, I mean, obviously a fucking loot squad bashing shit, not getting supplies, as the news said. So it's gonna be that, and then part two is gonna be this fucking little wheel, like a team of these little wheel guys bearing down on the looters how long till four of them get stolen and someone has a really bitching rig that can fucking go up to 35 kilometers and fucking go all-terrain on them this is awesome that is awesome dog I don't like I don't like the police the robot dog you don't like the robot dog I don't like the police the robot dog. You don't like the robot dog. I don't like the robot I like real dogs because the the actual fucking German Shepherds will just bite your face off like you're a fucking yeah

I like I don't like that. They I don't like cops. I don't like the robot dogs robot dogs Don't they're not as they're not as vicious. Yeah, and it's kind of like it's kind of like Fucking with me. Yeah, I don't like co-opt my like of dogs with this kind of robot shit. Yeah. It's not a robot. Leave it out of here. Yeah. Don't make it less look like a dog.

Make it look like a dog less. Yeah. But this I love. That's great. This is just straight up efficient. That's maximum efficiency. It's like a battle bot rolling around. It's like a battle.

There needs to be a flamethrower and like a little spatula to fucking flip your ass out and then fucking... I don't know why, I love this! I hate... usually I hate cop tech, but this motherfucker is built to chase down looters and take them out at the knees. That... that I want. This is built for exactly... You can blast through a whole crowd with that thing and just fucking... Spraying pepper spray out the sides. I don't know why I like this like a nitrous purge is like Yeah You could probably buy upgrades you take out enough criminals. Yeah, I got like a level 30 fucking yeah

You know whatever the fuck this is that's fun. It's like a stage four right now, okay? That actually is cool. How do we see that? We steal? That actually is cool. How do we steal? Yeah, that's the next step a Philly man, so we're doing battle bots, but just in the city now We finally took battle bots where they belong is on the general public Yeah, I'm not mad at that if there's a big either if there's a big buzzsaw for a wheel that'd be even better I love battle bots, but I don't want to like get the human interest part right and learning about the kids you know I just want to see the battling. I just I could just go out I'd see it on the news. I want to see the streets filled with blood and fucking skeletons like it's like fucking plain

streets. I want to see MS-13 take these giant tires on you know. Yeah I need to see some real shit go down. Because you always knew that Skyn and Terminator wouldn't look like the Skeleton Man, right? That's just like movie shit. But we always wondered, well what will it look like then? And apparently it's gonna look like a brother ball. It's gonna be fucking robot hamsters in a fucking... Jesus, fuck. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Oh yeah, that's the semen lady that, the semen lady that they can't find. What a thing to get placked as. Oh, you're semen lady.

You're the lady that leaves semen behind in all the crime scenes. Okay. Let's see here. A Philly man awarded four million bucks by the city for an overturned murder conviction pleads guilty to killing a man over $1,200. Oh, okay.

That's pretty good. So he got four mil out of it. He got four million bucks for and released from prison. For doing it? And then immediately killed somebody for $1,200. That sets a cool precedent. Let's fucking. It's that Innocence Project shit.

Have you ever seen that? No. Have you ever seen like a white lady with a pit bull? I try not to, yeah. And how happy they are? Yeah. Yeah, this is like that, but... It's like that white savior complex, but like further. Keyed up to like 11, you know?

You know what's funny is I only ever see white people post James Baldwin quotes. Who's that? I don't know, but I only ever see white people post James Baldwin quotes. Who's that? I don't know, but I only ever see white people post them So I just assume that fucking he really knows how to appeal the white people Philly man awarded. Yeah here it is Sharun Thomas 50 spent 24 years in prison Get out of here get out of your Philadelphia inquired he was released from prison and paid 4 million by the city after serving 24 years and then For a murder he says he didn't do and then in Thursday Thursday he killed

$1,200 well you already got the money you might as well just fucking Rub everyone's dick in the dirt about it. You know are we As part of the new morality are we done with this whole like we've done education and opportunities And stuff you got four million dollars and this first you can't pay $1,200 for drugs. We're fucking Well seems like he got his fucking money out of it. Don't you think I mean fuck over 1200 bucks I guess fucking 4.1. You will now return to prison to live out what's left of his life. Do you think this dumb bitch feels bad at least? No.

Or is she angry at him? Is she angry at herself? All you can ever be is angry at yourself. Again, please don't help is a mantra. Look at how happy she is that she just got this murderer out of jail who then immediately went and killed somebody. It'd be funny if you murdered her. That, yeah, come on, man.

Like really show people how much you mean it. So this is what I mean. At what point is, well, I didn't do the killing, but I'm directly responsible for it. We get that now. Our parents didn't get that. Previous generations didn't get that. They were of the mindset, like, well, yeah, I got away with it.

It's funny. But I don't think we're like that. We're more like, you had something to do with this. So you get to share a little bit of the blame. Yeah. Everyone gets to smoke these days. Yeah. Yeah. Back then, it was like a prestige.

Now it's like, yeah, it's not as impressive anymore. Now all of you get fucked with it. Yeah, because they were like, their mythology was like, well, Al Capone, you know, they got him on taxes. And we're more like, well, let's just kill him. Yeah. Exactly. We're not doing that tax, that cute tax shit.

We're not doing that. I don't give a fuck about taxes. It's fuck you. Yeah. Well, you can just kill him. Yeah. Exactly. We're not doing that tax, that cute tax shit. We're not doing that. I don't give a fuck about taxes. It's fuck you. Yeah. Well, you can't get him. No, we can. Yeah, yeah. Just get him anyway.

No problem. Actually. Where in American history has that ever been a problem? They just get like, that's what the fuck I'm saying, is like, just go do it. Show everyone how American you are. Go do it. Tie a cop.

That's cool. The trans lawsuits are starting. Sick. Obviously. People weren't satisfied with their wieners. I mean, look. I mean, I'm not. If I could sue God, I would... Well, that's the thing.

Come on! Come on, you asshole. How do you give me this much attitude? You mean it drags only six feet behind me and not ten feet behind me? What the fuck man? There we go. Trans lawsuits. 20 year old UCLA student has sued two California doctors saying they inappropriately rushed her down a life-altering and irreversibly damaging gender transition beginning at age 12.

Oh! Hang on, this sounds like puberty blockers are about to get brought up. So I'll have you know that this will be my last episode of the Dick Show. One day after the Supreme Court heard arguments over state's ability to ban gender affirming care for minors, 20 year old UCLA students

sued two California doctors saying they inappropriately rushed her down a life-altering and irreversibly damaging gender tantrums, starting at age 12. Oh, boy, I need to hear that impidgen. I actually do, too, because I did not understand a word you said, because it wasn't impidgen. The lawsuit filed Thursday argued that the doctors who runs the largest transgender youth clinic in the US The mask is slipping man things are crumbling

They diagnosed her with gender dysphoria in mere minutes into their first appointment What a friend mere- mere minutes. You walk in and you're like, oh man. Man, your gender dysphoric as fuck, bro. You know what? What the hell? Your hair's a little too short. I can just tell, like, you know.

Yeah. We gotta cut part of your arm off. Yeah. Can you sit down? How'd you like to have a big, it won't throb, a big semi-rigid- What if you had your arm fucking in the worst part possible of yourself? What if you could fuck fat lesbians with your arm? Would that do something for you?

What if we just made you feel like a fucking Frankenstein monster the whole rest of your goddamn fucking worthless fucking life? When I was a kid and I put the Bo Jackson poster up, I was like, for the whole rest of your goddamn fucking worthless fucking life. When I was a kid and I put the Bo Jackson poster up, I was like, man, I wish I could fuck a fat lesbian with part of my arm someday. That's what being a man's all about. That's what it's all about, man. I'm going to text Nick Krakata, see if he wants to call it. Oh, he's on. He's already here.

Oh, shit. All right. He called me the F slur. He did. Coof, killing it in the chat like fucking always. He's on. Oh shit. All right. He called me the F slur. He did. Do do do do do do. Coof, killing it in the chat like fucking always. Hilarious. Nick! What's up, man? You there? Hey, man.

Holy shit. Yeah, can you hear me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm good. How are you? I'm good, I'm just driving here in my car with Lady Rackets. I don't know if she's gonna talk, but she's here with me, so. Hi!

Are you dry snitching about being on the phone and driving at the same time? That's not what a lawyer does. Are you allowed to do that with your parole thing? Welcome to the 18th century. Yes, we can do this now. Someone who isn't me is driving in on the phone, correct? No, I'm hands-free.

I got my hands on myself, so I don't need to worry about it. Oh, well there you go. So how you feeling with your potential imprisonment and the end of your life and all these things? And people dragging you around the internet like you're a trophy. People are fighting over your corpse, honestly. It's so funny, because like, one, the likelihood of me going to prison or even jail is basically zero. Like, I won't have any jail time, I won't have any prison time.

I mean, me too, but I'm still kind of worried about it. Like, it's that basically zero that makes me uncomfortable, Nick. It is, yes, it's uncomfortable. But like, you know, intellectually, you know something, even though you go, holy shit, like, this is pretty serious, I guess. Yeah. I'm sure people are really mad and I can't figure out why. Oh, they really are.

They really are. That's the thing that gets me, the people like, like you said, dragging my corpse around the Internet. And of course, they go to the mantra right like they're like an 80s soccer mom like oh it's about the children like none of you even know my kids names well like you don't care about my children your children like that's the worst the worst it's like the cuties thing it's like yeah but these poor these poor girls everyone's gonna call them whores for the rest of their lives like no you guys are gonna call them whores for the rest of their life

You guys are the ones abusing Nick's kids They're fine CPS said they're fine. It's you guys won't leave them alone. I Know it's it's wild because these looters and polluters right despite reports of people who don't know, like our kids don't have any concept of any of the stuff people are saying. Like they just are going on with their lives. They're happy to be home.

You know, they were, they, they understand some level of why they were taken out of our house for a little bit. Yeah. But they didn't get it at a, like at a real level because they're like, but our parents don't harm us and we're not in danger. And they told, they told the county without any of our help, they're like, we've never seen any of this stuff. Yeah.

Thank you for showing it to me for the first time. Yeah, everyone's a Daddy of Dare officer now. Jesus. Exactly. We homeschooled our kids. Our kids have never been to Dare. They have no idea. I actually, ironically, shortly before I got arrested,

my oldest son, I was driving him to school or whatever, and he made a joke about cocaine. I'm like, do you even know what that is? He's like, no, I'm like, so you don't understand why this joke is funny. Yeah. What was the joke? Did you enlighten him at least?

I don't remember. But I had to tell him, I'm like, okay, so cocaine is a powder that people typically inhale through their nose. And that with that context, the joke made sense. But until then, he had no idea. And so I'm like, explaining to my like, yeah. And that was time to him like, oh, yeah, you've never been to dare. Your mom and I, we went to public schools or whatever, so we went through the D.A.R.E. program.

And that's where we learned about drugs for the first time. I touched a vial of heroin in fucking second grade. Yeah, and I was like, wow, we only get to see this once? This stuff must be really cool. It's in a special briefcase? Damn! Wow, this is a joint. Now I'm like, I could roll that fuck.

That was the worst joint I've ever seen rolled in my goddamn life. And they're like, and they're like, okay, you guys have to understand all these things are about to show you Will kill you Horrendously, but they're so awesome And everybody knows that they'll kill you. Yeah Yeah, because that would be horrible and you're sitting there going wait so they're so awesome that everyone on earth will risk death to the point that their bodies will crave it uncontrollably but we shouldn't do it

because why like why you're like because it's bad there's a law that says so and you're like okay because you're a kid you listen but like our kids never had to listen to any of that they don't know what drugs look like they've never seen them. They've never been around them and And it's funny is be like I just I just care about Nick's kids I'm like, you don't even know you don't know it cares about Nick's fucking kids Are you fuck then send him $20? Yeah, put up a put up a QR code so they can donate So they I love Nick to the I care about Nick's kids fund That's none of these motherfuckers give a fuck about anyone's kids

Everyone so full of words. Yeah, I don't care about their kids. Like I don't know their kids names We weren't that close and everybody's like, oh, I was Nick's friend. I'm like you you clearly weren't you don't know anything like you don't know anything like you don't know anything about Everything like I saw the some of your lawyer friends talking about or joking They were joking about how you didn't pay them any money from the Rittenhouse trial But it didn't seem like they were joking like there's this there's this crazy They're so jealous and it's like All of your channels were at 10,000 subscribers back then. Now you got a hundred K subscribers and you're

like, well, why didn't I get any money? It's like, because you weren't important. You were just someone for me to talk to for eight hours, which is awesome. Thank you for joining me. And you got calculated out one time. I was like, OK, at my average, what would it cost to buy on to an eight hour live stream with 100000 people watching like the last days of Rittenhouse? Mm hmm. Fifty fucking thousand dollars for them to buy on to eight hours of show. If I charged them what I would charge any other advertiser for a minute I'm like I gave you 50 grand your channels

Exploded these guys have six figure incomes because I said all right Yeah, I'll bring you on and this is the most lawyer is like bickering that you're ever gonna hear Bickering that you're ever gonna hear my eyes are fucking really back in my head. This is so god I'd build I Know I never thought of it that way until people started bitching about it. I'm like wait You wanted a cut you got a cut you had no audience And then you came on to my show and a whole bunch of people started watching you because they got exposed to you You never would have had that opportunity otherwise

And then some of them took the reins and have built their own brand out of it And some of them are like uncivil law. They're fat. They're autistic. They're not entertaining And so like you couldn't hold your audience and then he's like why didn't see any of that money? It's like well, that's your fucking fault you weirdo. It's not my fault I gave you the opportunity I hand you the keys the Porsche the fact that you drove it into a swimming pool at a fucking day Jesus don't you dare put a car in my pool of hedonism Are you keeping a list of all the people that have wronged you I would be yeah, do you have a stalkers and losers?

No, see the the cool thing about how I operate is i'm so bad at keeping contact with people like even people that I like That if people don't like me anymore, like they don't text me. I just don't care. Like, okay. Yeah. I, I don't know. I, I've been really busy for the, oh yeah. I kind of made my life. But I mean, no, I mean, like I'm, I'm occupied, so I get distracted. I have ADHD and if I don't consciously make an effort to reach out to someone, and they don't reach out to me, I lose touch with them really quick.

And like, I feel bad about it, except I've learned to not because none of these people were ever pissed that I wasn't in contact with them. They're just performatively pissed about something that had nothing to do with any of them. And I've heard some of them be like, oh my God, we did whatever for you. It's like, I didn't ask you to defend me. I didn't ask you to like say anything

about the situation at all. I've never asked anybody to own my shit. Like it's my shit's mine. If you want to stick up for me, great, cool. If they don't, I don't care. I never asked anyone to. I don't want anyone to stick their neck out for me. That's why I said I'm not in LawTube.

These groups are gay. They always turn into exactly what happened. It's just they pulled me in and made me law to buy proxy because I've been hamstrung on talking. Yeah. Are you. so you had your plea your plea hearing, I don't know what they call it, the plea hearing? No, I had a settlement conference. Okay. And so a settlement conference, like nothing happens in the courtroom. Yeah. The prosecution, the defense to come to the courthouse and try and reach an agreement. Okay.

We didn't reach an agreement, but we're really damn close. You're really close? And yeah, that's why we scheduled another one. My next conference is on the 17th. Most likely we'll have a deal worked out at that point. Okay. I mean, you never want to say anything and I don't want to say like what it is, but long story short,

it's really, really favorable. It's really reasonable. And this is the thing that's pissed me off about this whole situation. If I could comment on my own case, it would be a great object lesson in where the difference between the book application of the law meets the practical application of the law. Right. Because there's a whole bunch of legal issues that are unresolved on my side and on the

prosecution side that would be beneficial for either of us. Like I have a bunch of evidentiary issues that I can hammer them with. That would cost a fortune. It'd be a bunch of work on both sides. It could be enough to honestly just flat out win my case, but it also could not. It's a roll of the dice. So instead, you get down to this thing and people are like, well, why didn't you do this, this, this? Well, you don't just go to the prosecution and say, well, this

didn't happen and then go, oh, our bad. Sorry. Like you have to do it through the court procedure. So rather than do that, the practical application is, well, let's figure out how to make a deal that works where you recognize there's punishment for whatever you did. I mean, it just, it sounds like buying a used car. Like at some point it stopped sounding like justice at all. And it just sounds like, hey, what do we do to make you have to look,

have to be embarrassed. The easiest way out of this. Yeah. Wait a minute. What are we doing here? What is the purpose of this fiasco? For a used car. If you're looking for justice, if you're looking for justice, I want you to forget everything else

Yeah And realize that when we were talking when people wanted to film my pretrial motions, right? Right Which is against the rules unless the judge permits it and we said you know what? We don't we don't see the proper case for a special exception to the rules to just apply the rule No filming allowed of the pretrial stuff. Uh-huh the prosecution did not object to our position our position said Look we

Know we lost a child endangerment charge and all this stuff, right? The prosecution wrote a really interesting letter to the court and that letter said, there are no victims in this crime and we expect no children to be required to testify. Which is the prosecution saying, not only are there no victims, but that the children are also not victims because they charged me with child endangerment. What they found in the family lock case, there wasn't any endangerment. It's just about the goddamn cocaine. The children were never in danger.

Yeah. The kids, what they found when they interviewed our children and observed them, they found that all of our children are brilliant and they are, and they're creative and they have a life which we have built for them, which allows them to explore whatever hobbies or passions that they have. We're very fortunate to be able to do that. That's great. And then they also found that the kids have an exceptionally strong bond with us and that the best thing for them was to be reunited with us. All they needed to do is make sure there weren't going to be intoxicants

around the children once they were convinced there weren't going to be any any, you know, illegal substances around the kids, they were back in our home. They've been back in our home since August. And like entirely, we had some supervised stuff before then, but it was all they wanted was we had to display 60 days of sobriety through tests. And the first test that we had that showed sobriety was, I think for me was like,

cause I wasn't restricted from alcohol and they didn't tell me don't drink. So my last drink was on June 5th. But my first, so my first, my first clean test then clean of alcohol was June. I think I love my kid that much. And well, if I just quit alcohol, I die. Yeah, it's a trouble.

Yeah. No, the with me, like it's. It sounds really tough, but if the alternative is like your life is fucked forever and they take your children away, like you just don't you go, okay, well, I just can't drink. Okay. It's not that big of a deal. It sucks from time to time, but you get over it real quick. Yeah. So my last my last drink was on June 5th. My first clean test is on June 14th.

So what they needed was 60 days of completely abstinent testing from that June 14th. And once we had that, kids are back in our home with us. And that's where they wanted to be. They just needed to make sure that like, look, they made me go to a recovery program, not rehab, but an outpatient recovery. And I'm in there with a bunch of meth addicts and like, they were nice enough guys or whatever, but these guys can't go to a grocery store without buying meth and I'm seeing them going, I'm like, what grocery stores are those?

I'm like, these guys are of such a different category of a then like, I'm like, I like to party, but I don't need meth to survive. These guys need meth to get through a day. And you're like, holy shit. And, and so you go through and you're like, this is not having drugs or alcohol around is, it's easy. Most people do it all the time. Like most people don't have drugs in their house. Right.

And so people are like, can you do that? It's like, well, yeah, it's not. You're doing it now. I think I can manage. Yeah. But like, you know, it's just. I like to do some things. I like to party and have a good time.

That that's the extent of it. But if you have to give that up or they take your kids you just give that up like it's people just don't like that there's other shit don't you already like to have a good time yeah how dare you really that's really it what an ass that is the frustrating part though so yeah I mean you're up against guys who just don't do anything like the people a lot of the people who hate you do Absolutely nothing Or I guess not you see that it's came out that the casino casino went to Vegas and had like a

An orgy together with one of their donors where they're fucking black hookers PPPs jacking off in the corner and the guy who paid them to do it was like posting a weird shit about his kid on some show to come forum. It's like bro. This is this is really degenerate what you guys are doing here. So much has happened in the 10 years since I've been on. Of course it is! This is the thing like they everyone knows this money and opportunity This is the thing, everyone knows this, money and opportunity eliminate moral boundaries. They redefine how you view life. It's not a good thing or a bad thing, it's just a thing.

You can't do these things when you work a nine to five job. If you're Andy Worske and PPP and you get paid tens of thousands of dollars a month to sit around like dunking on people Like the people that are that are watching this show Like they realize that Andy and PPP are dunking on them by proxy Yeah, but they're like, but I still love this stuff like yeah, nobody doesn't like stuff like, yeah, nobody doesn't like, uh, the, I won't say hooker, like who cares about hookers, but like the, the symptom of a hooker is you want the attention and the ego inflations. Like someone's focused on this person for a little bit of time. That's why people hire a hooker or go to a strip club. Someone focuses on them and lies to them and makes them feel good.

Everybody on earth wants that. You just don't have the money and opportunity to do it. And so, like, they get mad. But of course, they're doing the same fucking things, even if they're not doing it on their phone, like they are in real life. They're doing it in on their phone or in their head. Well, you're saying it's It's so complicated. And it's so shockingly different from what a lot of people, I guess, perceived you as

or wanted to perceive you as. They wanted you to be this wholesome internet dad for them, which, I mean, you are. All I ever claimed to be. Yeah. I, I, on one hand, I am a wholesome dad. Like I'm wholesome dad to my kids. It's grand.

Like I love them. I have a great relationship with them. I try to teach them to be better people than me forever. And, you know, I don't know how they're going to turn out as adults, but like that's just how you do life and but I never said I never took the role of like Trad Catholic dad people went. Oh he homeschools five children. He's been a long-term Marriage with one woman he must and he's a Christian. He must be this is like, yeah. Well, yeah, but like

Christians and Jews forever. Just read the Bible have also liked partying and everybody likes to feel like good and desired and wanted like who anyone who denies that is a fucking liar like stop stop. Someone who's attractive looks at you and smiles like you smile back. You don't have to go have sex with them. It's okay. But you like you smile back. You eat their cum. Someone smiles at you.

Just sharing some hot cum over. Oh, fuck. Look, I only know one person who does that. But it's like, uh, no. And then, so then they, but then they, like you said, my, my situation's very, very complex and it involves a whole bunch of stuff that no one has any business about. It's everything. It's all the, it's all the degenerate stuff altogether, except for maybe sports gambling.

Ralph still got you beat on that, but it's all the, it's all the degenerate, it's all the harmless degenerate stuff together, which is why it makes it so interesting, I think. The only victim of anything I did is me. I'm such a victim. No, but it's like, sometimes you look in the mirror. You go well that was fucking stupid Well if it isn't me Well well well we meet again me I really fucked that one up didn't we Here we are once again

Yeah Hey man you like I mean I do want to see the revenge I do want to see the revenge arc because all these fuckers all all of these fuckers are They're all guilty and they all turned on you Instantaneously and they're all still because of their because of their instant villain heel turn They're all still kind of slow slow rolling this like well, you know, there's kids involved There's kids like the kids involved is doing a lot of work.

They all should enjoy prison. Even though they all got fucking handles of vodka in the house, they're all taking part of exactly the same degenerate shit that they're all soapboxing about. I do want to see the revenge. Did you see the PBT thing where he's like explaining a way doing, I mean way worse than I did, which is funny. Go ahead. I don't care.

Like have your hooker orgy in Vegas. I don't want to be there. He's the fucking other man. Yogurt man. I don't want to see that. But they were driving around in a pickup. They were saying In a back of a Toyota Tacoma

I'm sure five foot or 112 pound Andy Warski could help lift PPP into something Sitting in the corner watching Andy Warski with a black hooker and jerking off? That's the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. Worske was using one of their other fans to have, he was moving the other fan on the hooker. Like he was pushing his hips into the hooker. What the fuck is, I leave, I leave your life for 10 years and this is what I come back to. I don't know Oh my god, and it's like what is excused on Twitter is like well, we didn't we don't have kids. It's like

Hey, man, it is all about the kids man about this Chill if you don't have children Look, if you don't have children, if you don't have children, not if they're around or not, if you don't have children, you can just ass inhale a fucking pile of cocaine and blow it out through your mouth into a hooker's anus so that they can get some too. And that's all fine.

There's no moral quandary here. It's like, well, I don't have children. It's like, oh my God god the cope from this is amazing But hey it it is what it is. I you know like shit happened here. I am Everybody's like oh Nick won't take accountability for anything. It's like you guys. Yeah, you can't love I mean you guys the first thing I said in the fucking show You can't take accountability number one. That I'm going to prison. Yeah idiots. I Gotta wait until my case is over and then I can talk about my side of the story

Yeah, and like the prosecution knows this There please just never say I talk about the news and I talk about my life and the news happens to be my life Just promise me you'll never say that phrase when you come back. Oh holy shit I know I don't I don't I have some choice things to say in very specific ways about my situation but I don't that's been my problem is yeah right now all I think about is the the shit that I'm in and it makes it hard for me to focus on anything else, but I don't want to go Say it again Say it again say the whole thing again, maybe if you drove straight into a tree it might help. I said I don't want to get online and just talk about my depressing situation, which is why I haven't been online.

I need to have it resolved so I can focus on anything else in the world. But I do have some stuff to say because a bunch of shit that should have never been in the public got put into the public but not by me. Right. And like people are like why'd you put your life in into the public eye? I'm like I didn't. That's what you're actually mad about is I didn't. Yeah people call that lying. It's like I didn't lie to you. I didn't talk to you about this shit. It wasn't your business. Liars and the pliers. and it never was supposed to be yeah looters and polluters, but uh But now like you know the situations here and the the really unfortunate thing is there's a real like From a storytelling perspective. There's a really good story in there that'll never get told

Real drama and all that shit. And people have cheapened it. What about the relationship stuff, about the swinging and what have you? There's a story that'll never get told. That story? Just about, just knowing goes well before any of that shit. It goes into just life and how life develops. Are head butts involved? Yes. Of course.

You know why he has to headbutt women, right? Why? Have you ever seen his weak ass arms? Yeah, I have. I was hoping Ralph would fight him. That would be funny. Ralph fighting anybody is always funny. Yeah. He's so weird because he's like, he pulls this internet tough guy thing and challenges everyone to a fight.

He's like, dude, you don't have a, like your fighting record is O and two. And they're like, everybody watched you get your ass just handed you. Why do you have this internet tough guy thing? No one's challenging you to a fight. No one's saying anything about it. But like you're an embarrassing specimen if we're talking about fighting. He's like, Em Holt is like the Waluigi of podcasting. Like there is- People want Waluigi still as a thing.

I don't think they do. Either way, if they do, he's like, the original broadcasters were like straight up the road and then you had like guys like Howard Stern, like the Shock Jock guys. And he's like this weird, this weird reflection of that, which is not, it has no, it has no identity beyond, I'm doing like a performance of what I think radio is. It's so, it's so bizarre. I get the most uncomfortable feeling watch, every time I watch Imhold's streams. Everyone trying to revive a dead format should also be dead.

Yeah. There's two things to understand. One, he's married to this radio format and it's true. It's straight to the bone. When I was hanging around him all the time, all he talked about was radio, radio guys. Oh, I'm an old school radio guy. It's like, why? Why would you want to be an old school radio guy?

Stay in the past with him. That's gone. Yeah. But it's like, okay, if that's what you like, why? Why would you want to be an old school radio guy? Stay in the past with him. That's gone. Yeah. But it's like, OK, if that's what you like, fine. I don't care. But all right. The other thing you have to realize about him, and this is critical, you learn this when you spend time with him. And when you have been through experiences

and then you listen to him recount them, When you have been through experiences and then you listen to him recount them he lives in this moment and no other moment past present or future exists and Everything that he has experienced in life or believes about the future will bend Towards serving right now and where he is and I don't think he's conscious of it. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean right now? Like this? Like, is he bending it like Beckham? What's going on here? There are, there are stories he has told where he's like the hero of some situation that involved me or whatever and he's literally, when he puts himself in the protagonist position, he's describing something

either that I did or Kayla did or April did. Oh yeah. But he rewrote himself as the one who did it. Yeah. Because that is, that serves this narrative at this time. But then what you'll do is you'll be listening. Yeah. In a way, like I do too, I know someone who used to do do that I'm related to them. I'm very close

It's a close relative and that How I'm like really able to identify it and him I was like, holy shit This is the same thing their brain just changes out facts of any story and I legit think they believe 100% what they're saying and you're like, yeah bro I was there that's not what happened. That's not what happened. And it's not even like, it's not like the alternate telling makes me look good and I'm trying to correct the right I'm just like that's not what happened at all like that wasn't it that's really weird. And um like he has he has these stories like anything he's ever said

Online where he goes. Oh like Nick's just like a little guy and like physically like it'd be it'd be a shame to fight it the Only thing he ever said to me in person about anything like that was after like an argument that we had he said dude When I looked into your eyes, I was fucking terrified of you. That's what he said to me. What is he looking into your eyes? He's like, you know, he's, he's honestly,

it's the weirdest feeling, even, even talking about him is like, I find even shitting on him to be unsatisfying because the things he's reveling in is like eating your cum. Like that's what he's so even even shitting on him. I almost had to mute your mic, Nick, just while you were talking. I don't want to hear about that. Like with Matt Maddox will never like he will never give an inch. He was always fighting. He's always the principles. But Aaron Imhold is like so spongy and non-existent. Like the Waluigi's, it's like there's nothing principles. Yeah, mr. Principles, but Aaron Imhold is like so spongy and Non-existent like the Waluigi's mr. It's like there's nothing there So even shitting on him is totally unsatisfying to me because I don't think it has any impact at all

It's just like he was like air. Yeah day. He's sitting there. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah Yeah I mean, yeah, yeah. And the other day he was covering some story about some only fans chick complaining about some other only fans chick. Yeah. Right. And he's just sitting there. He's like, oh, you just sit there and take it up the ass for money.

You think you could complain about someone else taking it up the ass for money. And all I can think is, like, bro, you have watched, and I know this, a bunch of women online, take it up the ass for money. Like, how are you? How can you sit there and dump on this one? You engage in consuming this product. Yeah. Why are you performatively being opposed to it right now? He he has no concept of like self self actualization or realization or application it's like dude if you applied a Modicum of what you say you would be so self-loathing and maybe he is I don't know I haven't seen him I

haven't seen him since April man like I don't I don't know if he's loaded statement yeah I hope I mean I don't know what are you gonna do when you come back you got it what's the comeback gonna look I don't know it's it's weird there's there's so many different ways to go about it. I mean, the main thing, I can't make the comeback about me because it's mostly been run its course. I can't make it about me and my situation as much as I want to really talk about it, but that's mostly run its course. It's a tired subject. I'm biased, so it doesn't really matter. And like at the end of the day, at the end of the

day, the legal results are going to be what they're going to be. And then and then that's all I'm waiting for. It's like, give me a moment to move on. Yeah. I just I want to come back and do a good show. I I'm not going to have liquor on my show for the foreseeable future. One, I may be banned from drinking it for several years. I don't know I'm Wow But here's the thing I really can do that it

Yes, it's in in Minnesota the standard response to any substance crime is that any Probation or anything like that will require a ban of not only the substance, but all non prescribed substances, including alcohol, which I think is, I think that's insane. I think that probably kills people. Um, or drives them or drives them to really bad stuff. But look, I cared about that a lot a couple of weeks ago. But through a couple bottles of whiskey, again, I'm not on any restrictions. Yeah. And like, it's not the same.

I don't really. Maybe it's my body just trying to like say, hey, you're not going to be able to have this. So don't like it. I don't know. But I cared. And now I don't fucking care that much. Like if if if I have to be restricted from alcohol, the only thing I don't like, and this is a lesson for everybody on legality, it doesn't matter what you're going to do or not do. What matters is how much risk exposure you have.

And if you are. If you are faced with the potential of a positive test on something means that you go to prison when you otherwise wouldn't eliminate all the some things that you can't because those tests are not accurate. People assume that drug testing is like this really good science. The only really decent science around it is urinalysis, which can basically test if you've done drugs in the past 48 hours. Everything else is a fucking mess when you start reading about it. It's uncertain and there's no counter to it. There's no proof of concept. If there's a test that says you used something and you go, but I didn't,

that's all you have. There is no like counter-test you can do, especially because of timelines. Like if you do your analysis test or a blood test, the results don't come back for like six to eight days. You can do instant tests, but county governments don't pay for that because it costs you. What a fucking retarded mess this is. It's a waste of time. If something comes back though and says that, oh, you drank and you're like, I didn't. Maybe there was vermouth in my cream sauce on my pasta or something. And you try and prove it though,

but you're now seven days away from that test and whatever incidental alcohol you may have come into contact with, that's gone. And there's no way to prove that it wasn't there. There's nothing you can do. And they can't even prove that it was there. They can just prove something happened and there was some contact for the purposes of the test. And how they test will change what that means.

But, um, like people just, everybody assumes that the science around this is good. It's really, really bad. Yeah, it's good because they're always arresting like drug users. So they got a really amazing, you know, it's like an excuse to profile people. Like get this guy. Yeah. Try drug, drug, drug test this guy. He's obviously fucked up.

Nailed it. used to profile people like get this guy yeah drug drug drug test this guy he's obviously fucked up if if you hear follicle test every child in America one in five of them will test positive for a controlled substance yeah there's no way that 20% of children in America are doing a controlled substance. That's not happening. It's probably like 19. Well, at least 30, I was going to say. But yet, that is just a fact. And it doesn't matter what the socioeconomic status is. It doesn't matter what country you're in.

It crosses all boundaries. What that tells you is that those tests have an error rate somewhere in the neighborhood of 15%. Yeah. And that's a crazy thought when you go, oh, one in seven tests that I take puts me in prison or takes my kids away. And there's nothing, there's nothing on earth you can do to counter that test. Because what the government will say is, well, I have the test.

And you'll go, but the test is wrong. And they'll go, well, how do you know? Because I didn't do the thing. And they'll just go, but I have the test. They got to test the test takers. You know, like every time you guys do a test, you take a test. And then we'll see.

If you test drug cops, if you air follicle test drug cops, what you will find is every one of them looks like a horrendously chronic user of every controlled substance. Yeah, that's crazy. And the same thing with the testers. If you're in an environment where you have the possibility of exposure to either a substance or someone on a substance, you will eventually test positive whether you've ever used a substance

or not. Because the tests aren't good at measuring that. They measure other shit. They measure exposure and exposure happens whether you're taking drugs or not. Well I, I, uh, eagerly await when this shit is over, man. This is like a year-long pause of your life fucking over what is brutal be total not like nothing That's that's the worst. That's the thing that's done the most like damage to me from a from a mental health perspective And and from a physical health perspective is that? like the government's pause of my life, and also, like, trying to convince the entire earth that I'm something that I'm not, which

is like a child abuser, whatever. Like, and here's the crazy thing. They know the county, like you said, they wrote that letter, they know that none of that shit happened. Yeah. They'll never write a letter that says it doesn't. Oh, yeah. What they're going to do is they're going to drop the charges of child endangerment.

They never could support them. There were no facts for it at all. So they know that none of that shit happened, but it was convenient for them to have that shit go into the public to put pressure on me and leverage my situation. And like, that's just the game of law versus the reality of it. And that's, unfortunately, that's the fucking ropes. There's nothing you can do about it. But they know they've, we've read all the reports. I have all the reports. The only thing they ever found was an exceptionally strong bond between the kids and their parents.

No adverse health conditions for any of them. They have five kids who are so mentally they're so above average that it's embarrassing. And then physically they're all above average height, above average weight. They're well nourished, they have no health effects of any kind. And that was their ultimate problem is they go, holy fuck, how do we deal with this? How do we hit them for something when they're all fine and all the kids are fine better than normal? Yeah. But like if you take a moment and I put myself in the shoes of the county worker, they don't know me, they don't know those kids,

so they get these crazy reports from insane people, like Aaron, who flat out fucking lied to them in the interview. Which, again, they hand me all these recordings, I know everything that was said. But they get someone who lies to them. Are you gonna go through those? You have all the recordings? Can you go through them? Yes, I can. Oh, it sounds like we have the comeback. Oh, yeah. So how much ratting out happened?

But here's the thing, like, OK, so they get this narrative painted to them, but they don't know any of the players in this game, right? Like, they don't know Aaron. They don't know me. They don't know anybody. All they have to do, they go, OK, our job is to make sure these kids are safe. I'm hearing this person's like a crazy manipulative cult leader who runs a sex den in front of

his kids at the breakfast table. And they just, they have to believe that at first because somewhere that happens, I guess. But as they went through, you know, as they went through and observed us, observed us with the kids and talked to the kids and stuff, you know as they went through and observed us observed us with the kids and talked to the Kids and stuff, you know, they found is like, oh look loving parents loving kids None of this shit Has been like if if if we had not been arrested in the county hadn't said anything to our kids They would never know

Anything about drugs if They've never even seen us intoxicated on anything, including alcohol. Because we don't, we don't get drunk around our kids, we're taking care of them. People make a big deal out of it. It's like, guys, I drank between the hours of 11pm and 5am after my kids went to bed, very specifically set up so that I would not be having to like drive them or provide care for them. And when I would drink on my show,

there's another adult in the house who's sober just in case something happened. Yeah. And it's like, but people, you know, like that all gets overlooked. It's like, oh, you should- They're not, honestly, they don't care. They already made their mind up.

They don't care about any of this shit. They're too busy caring about your kids mind up. They don't care about Kids man, they don't care about yeah Those kids and you can as much as and no amount of care is too much. Yep when you're talking about someone else's ever Yeah, well Yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotta run yeah, it's it to be soon. Things are wrapping up in the next pretty like predictable future. I'm looking forward to that because I got to get back to work. I want to get back to talking about stuff and telling stories to people because that's what I like doing.

Like, yeah, I don't really care about any anything. I just I just like people hearing something and and then telling me something that I don't know Yeah, and the Internet's a great place to do that and everybody started being so fucking serious like guys calm down Well, everybody just wants to feel entertained So you can come back and you know hit hard and do you know stuff that they like then they don't care anymore That's it. It's just that you can't just Complain like the people the people who can never listen to me again cool. There's seven billion other people on earth. That's fine

I never asked you to stay like you know Like I don't get they're like I'm never listening again. So why didn't ask you to listen? I don't know you so bye I hope you had a good time well, but Anyway, they'll be back. Well I'm really looking forward to your good news. I think it's going to be the funniest plot arc that I never saw coming. Thanks. And maybe you'll be at Free Riley Fest.

I'm planning on it. Unless something prevents me from being there, obviously, there's a bunch of this shit that could happen, but my plan is to be there. Yeah, okay In whatever capacity again, okay. Good luck. All right. Good luck. Good luck. Yeah. Thanks for letting me call in Yeah and dominate my over talking but See you next yeah, so I'll see you soon guys. Oh Man, it's finally over fucking lemon sake posting goddamn Dave Blunt's in the fucking- What is he doing?

Hahaha Uhhhh Jesus I'm exhausted of all the- I'm- that's why I don't want to hear about fucking- That's why- I understand why Sean just wanted pure silence in his life. This is fucking- Jesus. Fucking hazard pay, man.

Uhhh God, just- just let him go. I can't roll my eyes back into my head far enough possessing myself. That's insane That's their job the prosecutors is to go every day and just fuck with even when they know it's like alright This is this turned out to all be bullshit test everyone always yeah Oh, we got to negotiate some with drinking or something like that. You know gotta be something Otherwise, why would I be a prosecutor? Yeah USA asshole says hey dude, congrats on the pregnancy. My wife and I had our first kid a few months ago. Sorry I know this comes off gay

Why do you even write the email? Why did you write that? Should have stopped before he started but I'm a pussy liberal and I couldn't help Should have stopped before he started, but I'm a pussy liberal. I couldn't help congratulating you guys You don't need to first of all prefacing something with that. I have autism Yeah, doesn't make it not gay anymore. So you know it's just congratulations Hey, do you guys in like the men's club with cigars shaking hands and going like sorry? I know that it's gay. You know in the 30s like oh, yeah, okay. Oh congratulations. Sorry. I know that it's gay I know I'm a fat virgin loser, but you know Shut the fuck up Just say congratulations

Jesus Christ, why does everyone qualify everything? I don't know! Why does everything have to be qualified now? Fucking...I'm sick of it Ash of Creativity says the best episodes and the best show in all of radio and podcasting. I hope Uncle Sean jumps in occasionally and I wish you both well. Thank you. Captain, congratulations to Smooth Sailing Sean. What a milestone of an episode.

Yeah, check out the bonus episode. I think it was probably our best ever. It was very good. What a fucking V-neck to fill afterward. God damn. Daggon says, show this to Sean. And then he says a bunch of puberty blocker shit. Uh, idiot.

Yeah. So there's no more Sean. That don't... Why are you... The fucking tone definite... Dagon, you know him, the same guy that spoiled Vito's booty all those months ago. Oh, what a fucking... Show this to Sean, yeah, I'll send it right over.

I'm sure he really gives a fuck about whatever fucking puberty blockers... We all know the deal with puberty blockers It's fucked you can't don't have a fucking time. They don't come with a time machine, okay? You're gonna kill ourselves unless you give us puberty blockers What are you gonna make Sean quit another show because you have to remind him about fucking puberty blockers come on Fucking dag on. Um, so I don't know why this we're gonna kill ourselves shit is tolerated either from them just do it well yeah but we need the we need the I don't care show me how bad you blackers or else I'm gonna blow my fucking brains

out okay man well a bullet always cheaper every time smooches for Sean congratulations to dick Ian what a great episode. Yeah, yeah, thank you. Jack, congratulations. Felt Matt, insane episode. Congrats, I'm gonna miss my handsome boy, the end of an era. The start of a new fatherly gay ops. I don't know what that means.

Food bank experience, hey Dick. I got food from the local food bank in grad school. It was recently expired food from local grocery stores. The program was discontinued because students tried to return the food to those grocery stores for cash. Nice. I mean, that's why we can't have nice things, man. Don't let people guilt you.

There's always someone behaving worse. Your number one fan, anonymous fan. Yeah. Um... I mean, I don't... No, I'm not letting people guilt me. Uh... Can't let people do anything. There's always someone doing worse. I don't think it's a really good reason to do something. But that's okay.

Uh, hey, Dick, look at how they phrase... That's an acceptable justification. There's that guy's doing something worse! Ah, well, I'm gonna... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Uh, I did it cuz I wanted to do it. That's the only correct answer Hey dick, look how they phrase this Daniel Penny shit. Oh, yeah, the white OJ. What's going on with all this Daniel Penny the guy who? killed that insane

guy on the subway Again, I've been sitting behind fucking Pro Tools. You know about that one. I don't know anything. He's this dude He's a white guy some black guy was on there, you know threatening people. I'm gonna kill you Doing all kinds of stuff like near near on the subway if you get out of line a little bit You should be catapulted into the Sun, you know, this is like a shared space Don't want to pan nobody says shit. They're just acting on the subway to begin with don't make yeah, don't make it worse. This isn't the Apollo You know even even the guy like maybe the harpist playing is okay. That's tolerable, but anybody else This isn't fucking Bart. You know you got to be respectable. Yeah, this isn't a talent show

This isn't your opportunity to like make it big, let alone go around threatening people. So he got killed by this guy named Daniel Penny. And of course, this was before Trump, so they're trying to prosecute him, the shit out of him for making the subway a safer place for everyone. A rape free environment, you know, was his goal. What a concept.

They're doing shit in court, like calling him the white man. It's really, it's just totally nuts. So this is... Would be one thing if he wasn't a white man and they were calling him the white man. Yeah, that it would be. Then it would be. That'll be here soon. They're just stating facts. Then what? I don't see what the... Here's how the New Yorker refers to the Daniel Penny case. Oh yeah. okay, their summary is a subway dancer strangled by the ex-Marine. Ha ha ha ha.

Who's the bad guy in that sentence? Well, clearly the fucking ex-Marine. Psychotic, right? Yeah. How dare he fly off the handle? Yeah, ex-Marine. Meaning he got kicked out of the Marines somehow. Yeah.

Ex-Marine. So he's registered weapon. That's how unhinged he is, yeah. And a subway dancer. A subway dancer. He Marine. So he's registered weapon. That's how unhinged he is, yeah. And a subway dancer. He's a subway dancer. I mean, he's dancing around in the subway. Fuckin', who gives a fuck?

I also got, I found this one, this is pretty funny. So Daniel Perry said, or the Daniel Penny, the cops that showed up to revive the subway dancer, they said that he was an apparent drug user and he was very dirty. So they used a CPR. They did CPR but not mouth to mouth because the cops said that they didn't want to get hepatitis or AIDS. So they did the chest compressions but they didn't do mouth to mouth.

Yeah. And they let, he died. It was just a cute little subway dancer. Not at all't do mouth to mouth. Yeah. Then they let, he died. It's just a cute little subway dancer. Not at all a fucking feral maniac. Yeah, not a monster. Okay. Jesus. Farty Beat says, hey Dick, check out these mighty men.

All right, let's see. Already don't like the sound of this one. The mighty men. Pastor, Pastor Keith Kraft. Oh, okay. He and his wife are the lead pastors of Elevate Life Church, Frisco, Texas. His son Joshua is a co-pastor and their men's ministry is called Mighty Men. All right, let's check it out. What are the Mighty Men doing? It's just just shit

So the pastor so the pastor is The pastor has like a leather biker vest fucking sons of anarchy church. What the fuck is going on here? Guys just yell dress like a fucking big homo I live with a biblical worldview that never ends. Discipline is discipline is discipline. Wait a minute, they're all doing planks in the church? Instead of kneeling to pray, they do planks to pray. Jesus. Oh, pushups. Every time you do something that you don't want to do, you're working your mind, your will, and your emotions.

Because... your mind, your will, and your emotions. Be strong! Oh! Hey! Notice how the music is louder than the fucking vocal because they know it's bullshit. As much as you can, live your life thinking this way. Is who I am.

You hear growth or mindset in anyone's vocabulary and you know that they're fucking out of here. They're fucking worthless. The mighty men. The mighty men. The mighty mindset Everything's a fucking LARP these days. I'm so tired. Yeah Mighty man, okay. Well, here's the fucking gun to your fucking face now. Tell me where your fucking daughter is. Do they take communion you think? Like supplements?

You think they approve of universal health care or united? Yeah what's their opinion on that? That's kind of a good... How mighty are they? Would they be mighty enough to stand up and free this country? Put a choke hold on these CEOs? Exactly. I love the... well you think killing one CEO is gonna make a difference? All of them. Yeah, I do. Just keep keep going. Just everybody. If I got killed it would make a difference in my life. What do you mean? Yeah. What do you mean? Why are there laws against killing people if it doesn't make a difference? There wouldn't be any fucking laws.

Yeah, yeah, yeah Butters check this out. I told my dream guy I liked him and he told me I had too many guy friends. Oh Is that so bitch? Could have saw that one coming LA oh, this is big news LA time Everybody LA we gotta let you know about this thing that's happening! This is a big thing you gotta know about it. I told my dream guy I liked him. He told me I had too many guy friends Okay. I noticed him within days. He was an amazing climber, but nonchalant about it. Hot, but unassuming.

So me, basically. Hot, but unassuming. So me, basically. Mysterious and straightforward, also me. According to my tarot cards, writes Dumb Bitch, an LA native writer and yoga teacher. Why are we bothering reading the rest of this? We already know all we need to know. To feel her pain.

Oh, you're right. It took a couple of months for him to realize I existed, but eventually he did. I was belaying my friend. Oh, is that a rock climbing thing? When he came over and said the word, hi. So said the dreamboat climber man. Oh God.

This is why ED medicine is flying off the shelves because women talk like this. Oh, dreamboat climber man. I can't get in a direction with that. Dreamboat climber man, get out of here. You need to have both hands on the rope when you belay. It's not safe the way you're doing it. She's dating an autistic guy?

No, she's actually hazardous. Right, oh. Not doing things correctly. Where are my manners? You'll get in trouble with the gym staff. Okay, that was nice. Is it listen, dumb bitch? It's like we're gonna trouble with the gym staff. Okay, that was nice Is it listen dumb bitch like we're gonna get kicked by both of your hands. Yeah, I come here all the time You're gonna make me start looking bad. If you don't fucking later. We spoke again and out of nowhere

He asked me to climb we climbed we went out for drinks and climbed more and suddenly not only were we dating We were going on climbing adventures together. I really hate Couple like climbing couples. Climbing, it's like bicyclers, you know? It is a bit. Don't, all you do with your bicycling is just getting in the way.

Climbing, same thing. I followed him up a multi-pitch route in Idlewild. Okay, where's the- She chatted, she PD'd all the fucking terms. Repelled down a sheer cliff in Joshua Tree and then had the most daunting adventure of all. A conversation about us. We were driving from Joshua Tree back to LA.

I really like you, I said. He let out a long exhale. His eyes focused on the road. An excruciating pause followed. Pregnant enough to suggest triplets. Oh God. You have a lot of red flags. He said That's funny fuck you that is funny. Yeah, that's funny. Okay Timmy bow woman alert woman alert

woman alert The only alert I care to hear anymore oh this should be illegal folks oh they sold a Ford Focus for a hundred and ten thousand dollars to this idiot holy shit okay let's see. Oh that hurt. I Man, I can't even look at this that hurt. It's a big girl. That's like a girl In a Miss Lear over here Jesus. Yeah, sir. Miss Cheyenne came out and got this 2021 Ford escape miss Cheyenne How much did you put down? All right. How much was your monthly payment? Okay, how long are you financing for? payment okay how long are you financing for what for how long it looks like we have a sun-bleached fucking live-action ninja turtles costume about to get into

this fucking car and you're telling me she's gonna pay this she's not gonna 267 months. Let alone, holy fuck. And it's an anime shirt too. Un-fucking-get-the-fuck. Wait a minute. For how long? For 267 months. 267? So a thousand down. 389 times season. That's fucking... talk about things that should be illegal. 267 months. Jesus. 22 years!

Yeah. Bro. Hahaha. That's why this guy is filming this, because when the fucking court system goes, there's no way on earth- There's no fucking way. And he goes, actually she was happy to fucking accept these terms. That's- Hell.

That's the only reason this is getting filmed, is when someone goes, you're fucking paying $389 a month for a fucking Ford. That's not a GT40. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Ford Escape. A Ford Focus. It's three years old at this point. Oh my God. Wow. How long do those last? 12 years.

Five years. Five years. If that. It's modern Ford. Any Ford is always bad. Did modern Ford? Oh God. Yeah, that's cool. I've been seeing these pop up lately. And that's why. Modern Ford. Any Ford is always bad. Modern Ford? Oh, god. Yeah, that's cool. I've been seeing these pop up lately.

And that's why. People with 25-year loans on a shitty Civic or something. Oh. Oh. I've seen better deals on fucking Bring a Trailer. And that's like, here's a 1986 Honda Civic, and it's only got 10 miles on it. But we'll sell it to you for 120 grand.

I'm like, get the fuck out. And then I see this. I'm like, you know, suddenly that says like a great deal. Yeah Richard says do not make veto a mainstay. I beg you don't let veto come on more than he already does I miss Sean already. Yes, we all do. Congratulations on the baby. Never expected to hear that from you. Thank you We are now where's all the gay stuff on the congratulations? Oh, yeah, he didn't qualify it. So you shouldn't have ran. It's gay then it's gay So unless you give me those you say either you have to make an acknowledgement that it's gay or you have to say hey This isn't gay, but I'm also

The gay part was longer than the congratulations. That's what makes it so fucking gay It's like congratulations on the baby. By the the way I know this is I know this is gay but just between me and you have to be fucking because I'm a liberal it's not because I'm gay don't think I'm gay because I'm congratulating you I'm not saying your gay power liberal yeah what a fucking somebody said congratulations on the biggest problem and Vito said thank thank you. Like, what are you thanking? Who are you? Congratulations for what? Maybe he's pregnant too, I don't know.

What, you would, with triplets even. Okay. Jose, Olivia, says, long time fan from the Maddox era. Sad to see Sean go as he's a real fun guy and feels like a perfect foil to Dick. Hope it's not the last time we hear from him. Me too. Congrats on becoming a parent.

End of an era and surprising beginning to the next one. Well, not yet, you know. What makes me enraged is having old machines just not work and having a prey that they work that spans multiple weeks and doesn't go around the drain. Yeah Greetings from John much love from Portugal. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Riley's With a Z

I wish you all the best and would like to thank you for the endless hours of entertainment from Sean's Animal Corner To guitar talk and your zingers the Sean tribute on the bonus episode was much more better than I couldn't even have watched that That would have been... That would have sent me over the edge. Hearing you're leaving the show gives me an indescribable feeling. I've had a hard time maintaining an erection since you broke the news. Your unique perspective and humor will be missed tremendously. What do you say, Sean? Say the N-word before you leave.

Oh, okay. Would probably make us feel a lot better if you did. Anyway, thanks again. I'll be waiting for your return. Then I'll be waiting around with a flaccid penis and broken dreams I remember you texted me when I said Sean's leaving. No, it was like a whole it was a whole paragraph of just Oh's and one capital N And I laid in bed all day I Laid in bed all day out of solidarity texting texting Sean, just like, make sure you know, don't forget the input list you leave behind. Just like, as I'm withering away, just like, oh no.

Withering away. I'm like, not again. Tigranis says, you pulled a turkey at 157 from the smoker, not 145. Your dad went full mourning and made medium rare turkey. Yeah, he did Still pregnant though. That's kind of high. Yeah Daniel Atwater said the part that made me cry

Gay gay. Yeah, he only qualified it at least so that's you know, no he didn't I added that Oh, he didn't say that when dick understands why Sean is leaving and understands it completely We all understand Sean hates being plugged in it's draining It's a different world now than when the show started. I want to unplug too. Why I'm bringing you all these white pills What a fucking day I'm bringing white pills, and I'm being denied and but I will persist Everything is everything is getting better because we are in charge. I'm in charge now I can't even I don't know how to convince you. You don't you don't need to be convinced. I even needed convincing that's what I'm saying. I don't think you guys understand. I'm in

charge now. It's been bleak for too long. We're just gonna be buying Bitcoin and bullshit coins like crazy. Nothing even matters anymore. Well that's my big thing is I just want to make sure everyone understands that nothing has ever mattered to begin with but especially now It really doesn't now really fucking does not matter now Congratulations on the future baby. What an emotional roller coaster of an episode. I cried and again, he doesn't say that it's not gay Yeah Wesley Biston Sean you were the voice- Well that's a gay fucking Why would you put that name on your fucking

email? You were the voice of reason on the show and honestly I will miss your input. Been listening since the biggest problem in the universe episode 4. I hope we can meet- I hope I can meet you if another road rage happens. But even if you said don't meet your heroes. Ha ha. I think I can safely speak for Sean on this very one thing that he doesn't want to meet anybody.

No, he really doesn't. He doesn't. The one thing I can guarantee, if I texted him right now and said, hey Sean, you wanna meet anybody? He'd be like. I mean, do you know how many people, if you said, oh, I was a famous podcaster for 10 years,

he'd be like, that's my dream job. Sean would go like, oh yeah, I just, it was fine. Sean's just like, I only did it because my friend asked me to. That's the last thing Sean ever wanted to do was be in this chair. But that's how good of a guy he is. Yeah.

Decade says, hey Dick, the last episode really hit me hard. First, congratulations. My wife was recently pregnant, but unfortunately had a miscarriage. She called me on her drive from work and mentioned that the host from that show I listened to just announced his partner was pregnant and then reminisced about how I'd been listening to that show since the start of the biggest problem in the universe 10 years ago. Then later in the episode, Sean announces, he's leaving.

I have struggled with alcoholism for years and knowing only what he has said about his own struggles. I can see why I can only see this as a sign that I really need to take action in my life. Yes, quit struggling with alcoholism and fully embrace it. I can't start a family and also be a father that's constantly six beers deep. Yeah, three.

Three, yeah, come on. That's plenty. Especially as you get older, man. I might have to revise my three beer thing, or maybe it's the IPAs, I don't know. Really at the end of a decade, really the end of a decade, but I can't wait to see what's next.

Thank you for Sean and all the laughs over the years. Congratulations again, regards, DisadSense. I think Value TV is coming in next week too. Do you know him? No, I don't know anybody. He's a fun guy. He's a fun guy. He's a fun guy. That's even better.

JP, congratulations on the baby. I started listening when I was 14. I'm 26 now and my girlfriend is pregnant with our second. I love it and you'll be a dad. Oh, thanks. Have fun with it. Rip Sean. Okay.

Rip car, man. That's what Vito said. RIP show, and then he screenshotted and went in the Discord and said, look what I said, I said RIP show. All right, I got it. Yeah, he also said fucking cherry red rice burner too. Fucking maniac. Let's see here.

Hates AI. Yeah, gun jack off, pineapple man, getting left and right confused. That's an autistic thing. That's kind of funny. Yeah. Hey, Dick. At the end of the last episode, a guy

left a voicemail saying something about his cousin not being able to tell her left from her right, despite being 16 years old. I can say with 100% confidence that she's autistic. It's not super common, but some autistic people struggle with left-right discrimination, which is thought to stem from sensory processing issues and poor spatial awareness.

Whew. It's also the reason why many of them tend to be clumsy and have an unusual posture when they're walking, sitting, et cetera. Whoa, that's a big email for this. Ha ha ha ha. Not reading all that shit. Yeah, he told, he fixed it in somebody, okay.

That's all we needed to hear, great email. Thank you, advice. Hey, Dick, I need some advice. I'm 33. Off to a bad start. I haven't dated anyone in 12 years. Off to a worse start. I don't really enjoy sex or blowjobs.

Then why write it in? Then why would you want to date anyone? That's... Perfect, good for you! Yeah, you figured the way out of the matrix and you're gonna fuckin' email in and say like, well, you're the perfect man, we're all broken. Fuckin' Buddha would be proud, man.

I don't really enjoy sex or blowjobs and I'm uncomfortable around women. Oh, so it's a gay email, yeah. Heartless demons. Well, yeah, but that's... You should, we're all uncomfortable around them. That's... I also live in a fairly small town where every girl is married with a kid by the time they're

20 so the pickings are fairly slim. But he doesn't even enjoy it anyway so what's his concern? I'm honestly not really interested in dating and the idea of having a family makes me want to kill myself. Okay. This guy's gonna write in an email about how great of a guy he is. and dating and the idea of having a family makes me want to kill myself. Okay. This guy's gonna write in an email about how great of a guy he is. However, I feel like I'm getting old

and I dread being a lonely old guy with no one in my life. No, it's tight. The only family I'm close to is my dad and little sister, but my dad married into a rich family. Whoa. My dad married into a rich family. Whoa. My dad married into a rich family, and I don't even get invited to holidays anymore because I guess I'm a bit too white trash

to fit in with his new wealthy lifestyle. Your dad doesn't invite you to see his new family? What? Wait, what? That's how much of a fucking boring fuck you are? Your dad's like, hey man, I'm gonna go hang out with all these rich, cool people people your dad married into a rich family and you're just like Looking at your dad's new Instagram where he's going to Dubai and stuff

Posting his shopping trips posting all the books He's reading the psychology books that your dad's now reading his full passport online now Jesus What? I guess I'm a bit too white trash to fit in with his new wealthy lifestyle. Then stop being white trash. Just like, go not be white trash. It's very easy to just go be a different kind of person. Have some fucking confidence, man. Stick up for yourself. Show people fucking what it's all about. Don't be a fucking bitch ass bitch like this. I know I didn't give you a lot to work with

here, but any advice you have would be greatly appreciated. The fact that your own dad thinks you're so much of a fucking sad sack, you can't get invited to go hang around with rich people, should be all the fucking... Have you told him? Yeah. That you want to be invited? Attached are logs of a slur... Oh wait, wait, wait. I heard slurs, now I'm trying to see that. Go fuck yourself, and even though I'll be missing Sean I'm looking forward to many more episodes with you um That was the gay part

You what was your question you don't want to I'm getting old and I dread being a lonely old guy With no one in my life Well No one in my life. Well, I don't enjoy sex or blowjobs. Then what's the fucking- Are you gay? That's what I was saying. I was like, that's the fucking gay email right away. Most of the women are,

there's a lot of conflicting messages here. Every girl is married with a kid by the time they're 20. So the pickings are slim. So do you want a girl? That's what I'm saying. He's just a fucking sad sack. If you don't want Get your fucking money up, not your funny up. That's a fucking classic line Yeah, stop being such a downer. Yeah, you got a white you got to get on the white Your dad's hanging out with fucking rich bitches and he will invite you cuz you're gonna fucking spoil the vibe

That sounds like you need to fucking up the ante over here. Do you find yourself negating the premise of what's happening a lot? Like, do you find yourself coming into a conversation and saying the opposite of what everyone else is saying? Because everyone on Earth fucking hates that. If you have nothing to say, you can always not say anything. That's the best. Yeah, but definitely Giving your giving your hot take. Mm-hmm is bad. Yeah You can't have nothing to offer and then come in with hot takes

Yeah You have to have some sort of like societal value at least like we can say a stupid shit and someone out there is bound to be like, well, I mean, like they've kind of earned it. Not really, but I mean, at least like it makes sense for those retards to say it. Yeah, this is just sounds like someone, I don't even want him to write another email. This is awful.

You can pretend to be somebody else. You can introduce your dad to your cousin. Yeah. That you just, hey everybody, I'd like to everybody to meet my country, my city cousin. Just don the Batman voice. Just do the I'm Batman thing and fucking pretend to be all fucking mysterious and autistic like you clearly want to be and then fucking go from there.

I always run my emails. Oh, no, no, that's something else. Uh, okay. Look man, there's a lid for every pot even if yours is all fucked up and shitty But I leave it some I mean not written. Oh, no. No, I don't like that No, I do too because you need to you need to be the pot that fits a lid I agree But also when you give sad sacks like that advice then they go only you're right and then they force themselves into worse situations not realizing

Yeah, there's a bigger nugget of truth in that just if you want it if you want people to be around you you have to be positive it's not really it's not difficult you have to find something that's good. For those listening you can't see when I'm pointing a dick like this that's actually the correct thing. Yeah. You have to be likable and not try to take other people's jobs when you have nothing to do with it either. Yeah. Fat motherfucker if I ever see you again I'm pushing you over that railing I mean, what do you want at the end of the day? He just wants to be around. Yeah, so you have to be worth being around Yeah, it's that's it. Mm-hmm

If you a bitch that he's his Spotify wrapped as he had 525,000 minutes of no bitches this year So give that a shot and that's gonna be his his next year too if he fucking keeps acting like that. See how that works out. Okay, let's do some fat watch. Oh. You know what we'll get at. What time is it?

Today in Fat New. 220? 220. Pushing it. Okay. Let's see these fat bitches get their comeuppance. Gravity doesn't, this one's from Vinny. Oh, thanks Vinny. Muppets. Gravity doesn't this one's from Vinny. Oh thanks Vinny. Even though I said something mean to you earlier. All I heard was cartwheel and that's... Let me show you how to do cartwheel she says. And then oh she must have just eaten some powdered donuts or something.

How do you not have, you, okay, look at, look at anyone of their stature, let alone this woman. You know her palms have some, or at least should have some sort of sweat in them. You're not that size and you're not constantly sweaty. That's just not how that works. How's she gonna do a cartwheel at this size you're gonna blow rotator cuff her floors are so fucking dusty universal fat woman sound for about to fall he was watching a baby giraffe being born obesity obesely. That was... Oh, okay.

Thanks, Vinny. Oh, let's see what else... That's a good one. ...we got here. Let me show you how to do a cartwheel. The clip could have ended... Oh, I already enjoyed this one. My exercise for today's morning cool, she says.

Okay. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. You can't have a fat singer too. That just like exudes so much fatness. If you're fat you gotta get a skinny singer. A skinny ballad. Or just like you can't be like, oh of course you like Adele or Teddy Swins. Like to roll like Rolling Stones or like Red Hot Chili Peppers Yeah, like okay cool like, you know, at least you're trying not to be fat when all your favorite artists are fat too like Huh? There's seems odd when you write with a fucking pen like this. Yeah are fucking too fat This is from Barry's. Let's see here. Oh

Already up to a good one Barry's. Let's see here. Oh, my lord. Already have to do a good one. Barry's ascended more. Often people say, don't hold back. Revisiting my old has changed my perspective on that. Revisiting my old. Look back. OK.

Look back. Remember what you love. Learn from your past. Just don't get stuck there. Grow from there. Well. She's definitely been growing Don't get stuck outdoors with the rest of the hiking committee What killed diabetes Pudding green? Jesus Christ, we got crazy taxi over here too. Is this, uh, is that Kill Bill? What killed Bill? Diabetes killed.

Got the fucking... Wow, this is, uh... I don't know what's more appalling, the amount of fabric or the amount of knee material. Bro, she is shaped exactly like Grimace. That is astounding. I mean, exactly. Yeah, we had a green Grimace in the other clip. That's crazy.

Oh, no. Is she standing on cloven hooves? What's going on here? See, she can't really, like, twerk all the way, because she'll knock over. Well, her downstairs neighbors will be sitting in their laps if she does any further motion than that.

This weeble will do more than wobble. Oh my god. You can't tell but her pictures in the back are actually- Yeah there's the grimace outfit! Oh my god. You can't tell but those pictures in the back are all full size posters. It's just that she's so goddamn big that they fucking look like normal photos. That's enough material to slow down a dragster at top speed. That's not okay. That's a lot of latex for a top.

That's an environmental disaster waiting to happen once that starts to disintegrate. Jesus Christ. Okay. We got the Kool-Aid man chic Outfit that's man Attila says hey dick big fan. I think you'd have a laugh at this go fuck yourself. Okay Attila What do you have? Already liking this. Oh the plus-size park. Oh the Disney rash. Yeah. Yeah, I think I've seen this before No, probably not, but it does happen. Hey everyone

We're plus-size park hoppers and we range in sizes from 2X to 5X. Make sure you like this video and follow us. Ha, where's the 2X? She quit about 10 years ago. She got skinny and got married. None of them are. We're just 5X, all of us. None of them are hopping either.

The fucking park hoppers? That's a fucking cute bullshit name. Uh. A lot more plus-sized Disney tips and tricks. If you don't know what the Disney rash is, consider yourself lucky. It's also known as exercise- They're stepping in sync like fucking horses or hippos. That's fucking insane. They have to break sync when they go over a bridge?

When two of them walk over a bridge? Yeah, so it doesn't fucking- Like the fucking Tacoma Bridge. Yeah. Fucking blow apart while they're standing on it. God damn. She's holding a fucking big gulp. It can happen when you're exposed to heat and if you're exercising for a long period of time.

Which are both. Wait a minute. You're not exercising for a long period of time. You're walking around Disneyland. Again, another shot of cloven hooves in this fucking thing. Super common in Disney World because you can walk between five and 10 miles a day. The rash.

Well, it's crazy when the rest of your leg is bright red from being in pain and your feet are shockingly white from zero circulation happening. So everything is, they just get this rash from walking? Well, Dick, you're a scientist. Right, that's what's happening, yeah. You get how weight and things work. Is the human body, you're a scientist. Right? That's what's happening, yeah? You get how weight and things work. Is the human body, we're not even supposed to be standing upright probably anyways.

So when you... If you wore me and Sean on your back all day and fucking were powerlifting every fucking where you went. And this Lilo, this backpack's filled with weights to keep the balance right. Donuts. It typically appears on exposed parts of your lower legs. It can cause an itching and burning sensation and just be downright uncomfortable. First aid recommended using aloe vera and cortisone to ease the symptoms. Look at her face. That's like a...

It's like if you watched melting candles try and emote to you, to just let them finish melting. Like jack-o-lanterns that are like on November 15th. Ugh, it's like if you watched melting candles try and emote to you, that like, to just let them finish melting. Like jack-o-lanterns that are like on November 15th. Yeah, it's like an unfinished brick of tallow melting in the fucking deep water. We've also seen some people put sunblock on their lower legs to try to prevent it.

That's something we're gonna try on our next trip. Cooling the area with an ice pack or a cold shower can also provide relief. Lowering your body temperature and elevating your legs are also known to help. We don't all experience this. Oh my God. That is verboten.

That's bad. Also, I like that the song she chose is about a unhealthy coffee drink, espresso. Oh, it is? No, that's not unhealthy? Well, if you make it the Italian way, but just like the way they're drinking espresso is with you know a mountain of sugar and Everything else, but of course it's a sugary. Well to them a sugary treat. Yeah, of course. That's the song

Oh More than five eggs a week is bad for your health Maggie deBloch the Belgian Minister of Health says well Yeah, I think if you eat more than five cartons of eggs per week that probably do it to you But that's probably what she meant Maggie deBloch when eating more than five eggs per week can be dangerous for health What do you call? What is this? That is how do we eat? How do we eat our way? Well, that's what happens when you get to the sixth egg is One too many. Oh, yep dad there goes then you blow up like I'm gonna do it! Ah, one too many!

Oh, yep. There it goes. Then you blow up like every fat woman on Married with Children. God, it's like fucking Ursula meets God damn, I don't even know how to describe how. AI has come too far, man. We can't just be making these awful grotesque images

of people. Body horror is not a fun thing to, you know. Kojima's not a fan, man. Okay, last one. This is, oh, the founder of Black Girl Disney has died suddenly after suffering a medical emergency at lunch. Someone's like, I got a bone to pick with you, and it's literally to get it dislodged from your gullet. At a lunch event in Los Angeles on December 5th, Dominique Brown, what is this, Dominique Brown. Dominique Hash Brown. Created content around plus size inclusion and DEI in Disney Entertainment and theme parks.

Fucking Dominique Brown Butter, Jesus. She had a medical emergency at a lunch event that could be so many things You know because when you're that size everything is a choking hazard Yeah Yeah a Medical emergency. Oh She went as a disco. She ate the disco ball and is proudly displaying it Pac-man bit off more than he could chew here. Oh god.

Well, it's amazing again for Converse. I got a shout out to Chuck Taylor for making hooves for the modern or What a horseshoes or whatever the fuck those are that's insane. Look at how big the rest of that is and how tiny the shoes are. This is like a Blair Witch. Imagine if this was the end of the Blair Witch. Oh god plus Plus well, especially if you're going period correct, you know, everyone's seeing that in theaters for the first time would be shocked It'd be a problem. They redid the Blair Witch, but just like you know, it's 600 pound park hoppers. You'd be rooting for the witch, right? They're all fumbling around. I'm already rooting for the witch, right? Like they're all fumbling around in the woods! I'm already rooting for the witch, and it's not even a real thing. Oh, here we go!

The witch is walking up casually. A small stroll. You got grease all over our map! Yeah. We can't read it. Well, we walked 200 feet today. In a circle. We're trying to find our way back to McDonald's.

We stood in the Fast pass line and got winded That's unfucking real That's what I want to see Horror movies with just fat people FAT PEOPLE Quick get out of the house while you can Oh wait you barely got in it to begin with Holy shit

I just gotta get up, he's coming, I gotta get up It's like the whale with the demons Somebody said I should do a We should do a biggest review Oh, he's coming. I gotta get up. It's like the second the whale with the demons Somebody said I should do it. We should do a biggest review on the whale The veto me and you don't watch the whale and do a commentary on it The thing is all the jokes have already we all the jokes we could think of in our minds are funnier than the reality of it He would just get up and walk out. Oh, did I have that on I hope I had that I hope I had I think you have lovely pictures on there in case you didn't see it fucking that's the one Jesus Christ okay um that's a lot of Christmas paper thanks everybody thanks for the fat watch

patreon.com slash dick so I'll see you next Tuesday get out of here oh I'm gonna play that Ken doll and hogs Ken doll and... Kendall and Hogs. Uh, Kendall and Hides. Kendall and Hogs! That's his new name! It's a new era, Kendall and Hogs. Let's fuckin' go. Oh, look at that face! Of course it's a key track.

Can't believe you're going, I don't know what to do With these full-blown parasocial internet blues Dick's our internet, Uncle you're going, I don't know what to do With these full blown parasocial internet blues Dick's our internet, Uncle you're our internet, Dad So you internet, leaving makes me internet sad Your takes are balanced, like Robin Hood You're my favorite person who works in Hollywood I appreciate your effort and your energy You made the internet a little less unsettling But you should go and take care of yourself I wish you happiness, success, and emotional wealth Have less sad and more fun days, cool breezes and sun rays

I'll smile as I think about you kicking back next Sunday Dick pin a black v-neck up on the wall To remind us of the best co-host of them all And when a news babe points and asks Who is that for? The best damn every man any man could ask for When the world seems bleak and it's giving you hell Remember thousands of strangers are wishing you well.

Step away, it's okay and totally understandable, I'll think about you every time I learn about an animal. You're a private guy Sean, I feel lucky we got Thousands of hours of your fun reactions and thoughts. Please accept this humble celebration of zings, Before you go I'd like to thank you for the following things. Thanks for your encouragement, thank you for the laughs laughs war reenactments and farming that ass the most entertaining audio engineers who you are to me Thank you for your time and the audio quality. Thanks for genuine advice

Thanks for being honest while also being kind of tea. Oh shit That was not me everybody Please pick up where it was. God damn it. You remind us of the best co-host of them all. And when a news babe points and asks, who ain't that for? The best damn every man any man could ask for. When the world seems bleak and it's giving you hell,

remember thousands of strangers are wishing you well. Step away. It's OK and totally understandable I'll think about you every time I learn about an animal You're a private guy Sean, I feel lucky we got Thousands of hours of your fun reactions and thoughts Please accept this humble celebration of zings Before you go, I'd like to thank you for the following things

Thanks for your encouragement, thank you for the laughs War reenactments and farming that ass The most entertaining audio engineers who you are to me Thank you for your laughs, war reenactments and farming that ass The most entertaining audio engineers who you are to me Thank you for your time and the audio quality Thanks for genuine advice, thanks for being honest While also being kinda tedious top autists I'll miss your affirmative nods Goodbye, swootches for Sean

Wait a minute, give me that mic Well, well, well, well, finally took my advice Don't walk away, run, run, run for your life. Dick Masterson and 80s girl are not very nice. And I'll be better than their kid, yeah, you know that it's true. Good! Want a new best friend? How about me and you?

You're still friends with them? You better not be. They're evil blackface pedophile rape Nazis. Hey, if you get canceled by anonymous emails, career plan B, I'll fire over the details. I have great news, you really can be my co-host on a show about candies. What do you think? Should we run it by Randy? Two dudes growing out chewing gummies sounds manly. I can't wait man, it's been so long. Until then, goodbye, smooches for Sean.

Thank you, Kendall and Hyde. Okay, this is uh, oh, I'll just get here. Although speaking of Sean, I know Sean had guitar talk. I am NOT a guitar guy, but I would like to introduce Johnny's microphone and preamp talk. Okay, why don't you wait? Wait on that one. No, I'm waiting. Everyone send me your dumbass questions. You want to know what makes me a rage? Fucking... not understanding how stupid some people are. Because, I mean, I get it.

We didn't pay attention in school, teaches you a lot of fucking dumb bullshit. You don't need to understand. How the fuck are you a 48-year-old man and not understand that we can get DNA from trees? Who's he talking to? What the fuck do you mean you didn't understand? Where does the DNA come from? What do you mean a lemon tree and an orange tree and a banana tree? What are all the skit-so-calls coming from? How do you?

What? I mean I guess you could get, I didn't know you how do you? What? Get I don't know you could get DNA from trees do not understand about DNA Yeah, God these fucking people I'd like the wrong I swear It's like I don't understand exactly how the fuck we get DNA from the nucleus of a cell But I do understand that living things that fucking make waste well I mean, it's a tree you do shit with a chemical. Maybe it's something In reaction, I don't know. I might be too. He knew that you could get DNA from a tree I guess I don't even know who the fuck was asking

That's why the way he's saying it makes me kind of question if that's true. Yeah, I'm over here reading this mushroom book Like maybe he's on and take his mushroom book. No, I'll take over for I'm gonna grow these audio engineer Nope, I work in a job. I'm driving. Sorry. Oh, not shawd. Fuck. Yeah, that's right cocksucker. I work at a job where I talk Kind of for a living to people Just like that that's what makes me a race. When I go, eh, eh, eh, fucking pisses me off. I have like a fucking speech impediment. Rarely it's like when I get nervous or something

and I sound like a fucking retard. How do I fix it? Cool, call into a big show and tell everyone a big fucking retard you are. Grab you fucking nuts. I'll be in the middle of a sentence and I'll go, eh, eh, eh, and I'll freeze on a syllable. You're probably gay.

Yeah, great job. You should qualify. I get involuntary, like, noise. Man, I'm so sad. John's not there. And then he's silent after it. Great. Fucking great call. You should call attention to it a lot.

Like when it happens. Go, oh man, I'm sorry everybody that I just choked on my own words. Why don't you flub it and then throw your phone afterward, you dumb asshole. Maybe you have Tourette's. Oh, he does. That could be. He's gay Tourette's. Okay.

Here we go. Dick, when... It's Jay, and when you said that... You know, you're gonna replace the cuckoo mentor you got... Maddox talking to some psychologist. You know know I thought it would be a little embarrassing but holy shit what the fuck are they talking about? That's so bad. They're talking about fucking robots that Google shit to predict the

future what the fuck? Yeah it didn't get even close to psychology. Yeah, it's a fuck. Maddox comes in with, I'm a psychopath or sociopath. The guy goes, yeah, I like that. You're using those correctly. And then he starts asking Maddox if he knows about web bots that predicted 9-11. That's fucking- It was really fucking weird.

And you can see both of them when Maddox is talking. You can see that guy kind of realized that Maddox sucks and he kind of hates being there. And then when the guy's talking, Dr. Joe, you see Maddox kind of realize that he hates being there and that the guy sucks. And then there, it's just that for the rest of it. It's so funny.

All right, I guess I'm gonna watch the bonus episode. He's so stupid. This is from Balder. It says, sorry for ruining your show. Congrats on the kid. He's so stupid. This is from Balder Says sorry for ruining your show congrats on the kid. Thanks Balder if this isn't a gate. I'm gonna be pissed Oh what a gate a gate yeah, well Balders gate Fuck up about People are not shutting the fuck. What is this new, baby? What is this gay? She's in that fucking book you got

Balder He's apologize for ruining the show. It's sealed so all right. What is this? Yeah? You can reseal it Well, I mean, it's sealed so I know there's nothing gross. Well. That's what I'm saying He's gonna he could have been the one to seal it. Yeah, okay. Let's see here Well bootleg shit works Holy shit, it's a real baby in there. What the fuck? Okay, she's sort of baby bathing Hello, I'm here is that hello. I'm new here Balder

I'm here is that hello. I'm new here Balder This is this is very inappropriate. It's the birdcage and a fucking baby get and a script I don't want to think about you while I'm giving my baby a bath Pampers okay, this is good. I've heard these are expensive and this kind of Fruity little bear something tells me that should be in Vito's booty this Friday. Maybe make him shower for it. Maybe have him get new soap first. I don't want the first baby present I got to be from Balder!

That's why you gotta give it to Vito! Maybe, here, brush your hair, take a shower, put some fucking clothes on for once. Little socks that he sent in. Jesus. Thank you, I mean, I guess... I have to think, I have to use use this how do you even use this? I don't know I think you just put it directly in your eyes. It says no tears. Yeah, there you go. All right Thank you very much. I

Don't know anymore man. I just don't know Okay, thank you Balder. I think the core And I'm too cheap to just throw it away. That's what so fucking... I'm gonna use this. And now I gotta think about fucking Baldr. Alright. That's it. That box gets the hammer after the show. Another one! Holy shit! I got a lot of presents today.

Alright. Hey, guys. Podcast Prophet here. Just saw the big news, and I'm not even talking about the fucking presidency, which is huge, but I don't know if somehow Sean leaving the show eclipses that and like, fuck me, dude. That is something. Put your thoughts together on the fly. That's what I always say.

Nick, if you're going to call in, make sure you fucking add something. Jesus Christ. And I sincerely hope you do, you know, actually show up once in a while. You are a huge part of this show. You know, with Dick announcing his fucking child, which, congratulations by the way, and then you leave me, I'm like. What about the gay part? Like it's not fucking April Fool's Day.

He's alluding to that the whole time, yeah. I just wanna say thank you, Sean, for everything. If you're gonna tell me congratulations, it needs to be congratulations and then like two paragraphs of how it's, that it is gay and that you're not gay. Right, yeah, you have to, you have to show me in your lineage that there's not even a hint of it. you're not gay. Right, yeah, you have to, you have to show me in your lineage that there's not even a hint of it.

Yeah, I need like a, yeah, exactly. You need to take your own way to get there. Give me your pedigree of, I need to make sure that this isn't a gay. Just you not saying, just you saying it's gay or that you realize it's gay is not enough. Not enough. This asshole still talks, Jesus Christ, all right.

Wrap it up, you got two seconds left. And thank you, Bucky. Bye. Thank you. This is still from the same guy, Balder. And it's a weird little pouch. A baby grooming. Okay. Great. Hilarious. Absolutely hysterical. What a guy. Okay. Here we go. Hey, Dick. Hey, not Sean.

I got a rage this week. I was playing Call of Duty. And I wanted to talk some shit because one guy's name was exes like husband or something like that. And what I wanted to say was, get a hold of this guy. He's got a

wife gay what do you do it says that the word wife and gay I said you're a fucking faggot with you you fucking know how the show works. What are you fucking thinking? I have to fucking go back and censor something now, you cocksmoker. Hey, you fucking idiots! It's not hard to do! What the fuck is this shit? I've made 670 fucking shows not saying the fucking Epsler.

I say it all the fucking time! I don't say it on the show! You're calling it for 30 seconds, you cannot say it? Fuck! And it's not even a good voicemail either It was funny up until You ran out of yeah ran out of room. He ran out of rope I drop this

Fucking funny I am congrats dick. You're gonna be an amazing father You've got a fun couple of years coming up and I'm excited to hear about them on the pod from Jack Rockstar. Okay, let's see here. I Wish I would have opened this one first. Well, that guy's a big rap stars. He's not even a rock star He's a rap guy. Oh what? All right Is this more baby shit take back? Uh... Alright. Is this more baby shit? Take back... MAGA.

Baby... Trump... Trump, take America back. 2024. Um... Made in China even. I can't use this in LA. The baby will be kidnapped.

Right. And killed. Uh, so... Hey, blood for the blood gods, I gods I mean you're trying to get my baby killed I guess thank you for that what a bunch of assholes sending in asshole things not like a bottle of whiskey not like a fucking anything that matters for me yeah joke fucking things you're the one that's got to listen to fucking 80s girl complaining the whole goddamn time and you don't fucking get anything

to sweeten the deal, what is that shit? Ah. Some feels a little out of balance. No shit. Fuck you, Sean. How dare you leave the show, fuck you! I hate your opinions on guitars and less spenders. Asshole! Li'l, libtards, Sean!

Fuck! I hate everybody, all my homies hate everybody named Sean What is it? You and what how is your name? You I'm getting a bad feeling that he's gonna say a slur I Just had a throwback Fucking he did say it's like I hit the button real quick to be doubt. That's why I said sorry. Oh my god. Ah Okay one more Well dick

My wife used my hose and didn't drain it out wife should never be using your hose Here in the Midwest and now my hose is frozen solid I'm getting it with 30 degrees here in the Midwest, and now my hose is frozen solid. I can't love me if I wanted to wash the salt off my truck. I guess I'll do that in, I don't know, fucking parks. Yeah. Sorry that, sorry that happened. Sorry that wife happened to you, sir.

Anyway, you gotta take care. You gotta keep your wife away from those hoses. More baby clothes. Hello, big world. Okay, see, these I can use. This isn't like- That's a normal, that's the most normal thing that's happened on this show.

This isn't gonna encourage any psychotic trans feminists to do a praxis on my baby, okay? Thank you for these. This is a good, this is the only good gift of all of these. That's the only, of this whole show. Thank you very much. One more.

Women and dogs, How about that? I've got a rage for you today. It is women's love of dogs. Now, I love dogs. You love dogs. I don't think either one of us would call our girlfriends crying that we saw a dog on a freeway on ramp. Like just kind of lost and confused there. I feel bad for the little fucker, but I don't know this fucking dog. You know, I'm not going to cry about him. And she's asking like, how did he even get there? I'm like, same way. If your car got there, went from a road on the freeway and I was going up the ramp.

I have no what to tell you. Finally a straight collar. Anyway, now it's going up the ramp. I have no what to tell you. I was just going from a flat to a flat. How did it even get there? We live near the edge of the San Bernardino forest. So there's plenty of much easier places to chuck a dog off somewhere if I were so cool. But I'm not. As I mentioned, I love dogs dogs but I don't love dogs near as much as No I know when I see a dog walking around like ah some woman's gonna see that and it's gonna be the end of the world you know Anytime I see a stray animal I look over and go don't you get any fucking ideas or I'm gonna run that over right now My girlfriend took all of our old sheets and blankets to the to the pound to give them because they're always low

you know these dogs just sleeping in your fucking jizz rack alright but you know internally I'm bracing for like this is gonna be a bad I support it because I want the dogs to have you know blankets of course well I don't want the homeless to have shit I'm fully with you or you know I would like to be like the Grinch and go to the homeless shelter and pack up my bag of their blankets and stuff. At least the stray dogs will eventually appreciate you. Yeah. Homeless people will never appreciate you.

Go to their soup kitchen and like have like a catheter and a backpack and like put a vacuum into their soup and suck all the soup into my back. Fucking Luigi's Mansion all this fucking soup out of all the pots. Jesus. Da da da da da da! Hey you got your soup over there? What's this asshole? Not only did I not spill it, I took it all for me.

To redistribute as I see fit. There's always one good thing, you know? Like, just put it in my back. Da da da da da da! Yeah, exactly. And take it to the dog shelter. Right, feed the dogs. There you go, alright.

Dogs bring people joy. Homeless people don't bring anything else. But then she's going there to drop him off and I'm like, ohhhh. She's gonna come back with another dog in those same blankets she was supposed to drop off. I know, she comes back and she's like, there was this lab bear. Oh, you almost fucked up. Well, actually you did fuck up, but it worked out well. Is you don't ever let a woman go unattended to anywhere around animals

Oh, because they always on weekends at Petco. There's always oh adopt a dog. Oh, look at all the I know you can't that's what I'm saying Is any unattended women and animals you are asking to come home to another fucking thing? I know or burden. I know she's like, there's a lab there, and they're going to kill it in three days. I'm like, oh. And you're like, I know. I know.

And you're like, we have a perfectly good one with a fucking bad ACL in the middle of the way. Thank God it got adopted. It's like, oh, thank fucking Christ. Because that would have been you. That would have been you. Yeah. That's why it's like, oh.

I don't ever want to hear, I went to the fucking pet shelter. And then I'll go on Nextdoor. Every once in a blue moon, I'll load up the Nextdoor app to see if there's any, because I've exhausted Twitter. And I'll see, like, most recent posts, I'll scroll through and it'll be her reposting someone's lost dog. Just trying to get some eyes on this.

I'm like, oh, no. Like, don't you. Ah, the abyss is going to stare back. And then you're going to come home to two labs one day And you're gonna be like that's it. We don't have room for it. Wow that's the babies for that's what I always just like no No room nothing. I don't care. We just build a whole new studio in here There is no room for your shit at all get out of here. All right. Goodbye everybody. Bye everybody Also go fuck yourself

also go fuck yourself perfect clean up clean up I always forget the waiting part oh my god my fucking ears are ringing so bad perfect I'll hit and right here