The Dick Show - Episode 440 - Dick on Follow the Fat

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

I find some priceless Pokemon cards in the garage, Sydney Sweeney takes an ugly picture, drones look for nuclear fat women in New Jersey, Value Select TV is in studio, Johnny responds to criticism, Eric July says my name, free speech in grade five, Biden pardons child slavers, more CEO stuff, and a caller is mad at Vito; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Is that? Huh, I think- You can hear now? I can hear now. I can't automate, but I can hear. You can't, you can't what? I can't automate, but I can hear. You can't automate, but you can hear now.

I know I can't record it. And no Pro Tools automation. Ah! What is that? Why does Reddit, what good is Reddit, exactly? None of it. None of it's good. Ahhhh, okay.

Waiting. Does the show start at 10 or not? I don't know, man. We're trying to do, you know, we're trying to improve the audio setup. We're making it good. Out with the old, in with the new. That's what my motto is.

We need to change. We need to change something, you know? We need to figure out what's not funny we should bring the king of comedy in here the emperor of comedy to tell us yeah to tell us what's funny you're not mr. humor mr. humor is everything I'm mr. not fine mr. no cell I'm mr. frown mr. bit spiker I'm mr. No sell I'm mr. frown Mr. Bitspiker. I'm mr. Bitspiker. Don't bring your jokes around 6000 views about it. Don't get your views

Goddamnit. I'm the king of the world. I'm happy. You know what? I I woke up today. This is what it is This is what it's like to have a girlfriend. You guys don't know this. If you're incels or volcels or maybe you're dead, you don't know how good you have it, but this is what it's like waking up with someone you love. For the second my eyes are open, I swear to God, she's got some kind of a sensor,

some kind of evil sensor in her head that tells her the moment I regain consciousness and I hear can you hear me yeah can you hear me and everybody hear me oh I got a press go live that's what yeah the press the button has really been my enemy and all of our enemy all of all the more locks enemy everyone who listens to this show pressing the button at the last minute has been our enemy since the dawn of time and all of our enemies Right on the button. They're right on the button. They ride the button ready to press it ready to press it and us our guys We wait they're automating the button. They're hot. I made

You guys this button turns off our button never my button never turns off. I got the TV on all day. I got so much TV. I go TV in the house, watching TV in the car. I'm watching TV in the bar. I'm watching TV in the fucking plane. My girlfriend's going to a conference or something and she's texting me from the plane trying to record this guy having a full-on meltdown, yelling at the stewardesses, banging his tray like a toddler because they won't, they don't have the ESPN game on. And he shouts, she manages to record one bit and it's the guy freaking, Max Freakout going, you do this to me every time!

You do this, you rob him of his, he's only got, you know, there's only so many football games a man has in his life before he's dead. Men come into this world, the certain type of men come into this world and they've got a giant clock like the fucking Death Note on their vision at all times It says how many of football games they have to watch until they're fucking dead That's who we're in the same world with that's real. It's real is fucking real How's my how's my do I sound a little crunchy to anybody I Don't know. How's my how's my volume? Tell me it's working on rumble. How does it? How does it sound? My ears are so shot Honestly, I can't hear shit anymore. What's that? Tell me how tell me how it sounds

Text me to tell me how it sounds. I'm just gonna go with that. It sounds great I'm also gonna go with that. sounds great. So I wake up and something in her nose instantly that I'm awake and I hear oh at the Dunsmore they've got a $20 hamburger and you wouldn't believe this but they're they've got a limited amount of them and they're on sale on Saturdays they're selling limited and LA Weekly calls it the best. And I'm like, did I just did I die in my sleep and wake up in hell that I'm hearing an ad about?

Did did Amazon figure out how to like master your wife's voice and make it read you ads for hamburgers the second you wake up? Am I still am I having a lucid dream? Is this the is this the Benadryl Hat Man that everyone's talking about, taunting me from the depths of hell about this fucking limited edition hamburger that I have to hear about in the morning? She's like, I know you like limited edition burgers so much, I figured we'd get you another one. If there's- if there's one thing I've always wanted is to combine Funko Pops with burgers. That's what I've always wanted- I love a hamburger. I like to leisurely stroll up.

That's the worst part of a hamburger. Leisurely getting the same thing that you've been getting your entire life. If there was some way to complicate this and make it millennialize it so that I could wait in a line and somehow judge other hamburgers that I've had in my life, sign me up. And tell me about it. In fact, you should have woken me up, I thought.

I was like, why didn't you wake me up for this? Well, here's the thing is there's only a limited amount of $20 burgers. Why didn't we think of that? I said instinctively, G-Peg, you couldn't have woken me up to give me this news. Yeah Fucking $20 hamburger, so you got the baby though, so now it's like no more. Mr. Nice guy, you know now It's no filter say whatever you want don't get that we gonna do I get a baby here

You know $20 hamburgers you should consider yourself lucky. There's gonna be Disney hamburgers next time we talk about this. My dad, have you got your dad a Christmas present yet, Johnny? I did. Where'd you get him? Whiskey. I don't have that kind of dad. Get him CBD. Get him CBD?

Just give your dad talking points. That's all he ever seems to give a shit about anyway. Did you say talking points? Yeah? It's all he's I had to get it all out last week. There's has a big v-neck to feel you know what it is is if you sit Okay, yeah here with the v-neck today. I'm chill. Now you're chill. Okay, I guess I do sound good. Man, my hearing is so fucked.

I gotta keep that all the way up. I said, who is this monster in Johnny's skin last week? You got work, Johnny. Yeah, you got ready for battle, Johnny. You got fucking, I lost five placements on it. I got battle damage, Johnny. Now with battle damage, Johnny. Now with fucking full of rage and just got freshly fucked out of some big placements. You know what? Okay, is this working? Somebody tell me if this is working.

Uh, yeah, Rumble's good, okay. Everything's good, everything's good, great, grand, everyone's on the bus. Amazing. Five placements. And I, we had a nice chat about, know criticism online didn't we it's easy to take criticism online Especially when you've had criticism from people who've like opinions you've actually respected. Oh now you're getting close to that line Oh, I don't give a shit about any no no no It's just that all you got to do is go. Yeah, you're probably right You said I remember you said something funny you said it's's easy to take, you know, criticism, right? It's easy to say, oh, you're right, right? All of you, you're right. I listen. And I said,

I'm bringing up something I said that was funny. And I said, yeah, it's easy, like in There Will Be Blood, when Daniel Plainview simply has to go to the church and simply beg for God's forgiveness, which is easy, right? It sounds so hey, you can get all your oil all your dreams will come true And you simply have to come to the church which you have disdain and scorn for and you simply have to repent in The way that I say and I know you don't mean it right and you know, you don't mean it It's but I just need you to do it and then you cut to

And you know you don't mean it, but I just need you to do it and then you cut to Screaming crying. I have abandoned my boy, right? That's what taking criticism is I think especially online is like it's in theory Yes, I simply have to go to the church and repent for my sins and then you're going I have abandoned my boy You were supposed to it's supposed to be simple! It is supposed to be simple. It's great. But you know, it's the kind of thing where it's like, you know, if you're here to make a good show, then you should be here to make a good show and not decide what is or is not a good show. Funny you mention it like that. Man, I had, I had some, I had an amazing week this week.

I'm on top of the fucking world, man. Dude, I saw you finally got to have the first dick show yesterday. I did a stream covering Eric July's criminal case against Riley and how stupid it was, and how the judge said it was stupid, and Riley's lawyer's emotion and the judge's response. I just read through it like Nick or K Katie used to do because it's fun and You make fun of everybody involved and I was singing songs about mr. Snitch and all this stuff and it was just so fun It got six thousand live viewers. You said yeah I saw the count climb up and I was like, what are you fucking doing to Twitter today, man?

Dude, I've been there's moments where I feel like man I have just like my whole life has been just fucking destroyed by fat bitches at Google and every tech company that have like made it their personal mission in life to fuck me over. Like I am, I really am just Al Bundy. Every of these fucking faceless, amorphous blobs that barely fit in their black box at banks,

credit card institutions, every major platform and every company have conspired to keep me so under their fat, their fat cloven hoof that like my one chance at breath at doing what I love doing, which is obvious, which is just making fun of people. And it's thousands of thousands of views that I can't monetize because X doesn't have, you know, super chats, but oh god it felt wonderful I was like I knew it. I knew I was funny

I knew if I could just say what I had to say I knew this was funny I knew this was funny, and I wanted to do it And I'm having like I said we're gonna take everything you love and we're gonna ruin it And we're gonna have a great time doing it. It was great. It was so great. I was like, wow, that's the first time I've seen him happy in so long. Yeah!

Right? It showed. The performance is great. It was. I was happy. This white pill. This is the white pill era. Check, check, check, check check check. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Johnny! Thanks for having me back man. The audio engineer. Dick Mashen, aka the 20 million dollar man joining me! That we're very grateful for, that I'm very grateful for is Johnny. Thanks for having me back, man. The audio engineer. How you doing? That's my real last name is the audio engineer. You should change it. Why?

It's already my last name. Are you going to get like a goofy, I mean you work, people don't know this but you're very accomplished and you work with a lot of guys with like goofy names, right? Oh yeah. Yeah, are you going to, do you have like a goofy name in in that in that world that you go by or is it just Johnny? It's just Johnny that's worse. That's as bad as I could possibly be. Yeah, mr. Normal guy. Oh Although I was going through some notes the other day looking for old photos and I forgot that I recorded Jordan McGraw who? No, you didn't famously film a Phil McGraw, uh, Dr. Phil's son

Yes He was actually a super cool guy and I've like, I saw the notes and I'm like Jordan McGraw and I was like Of course Yeah I fucking die I, I, if I had a Dick Show shirt at the time

I would have worn it in Oh man It was so long ago And get him, get him, get him to get his dad to sign my book or something like that Exactly, that was, I just I should have capitalized on it but it was a one-day thing and I'm like looking back on it I'm like I mean I'm sure I'm sure he's a nice guy I'm sure his dad's a nice guy too because if I was in a position where I'm dealing with

like fans of the Dr. Phil show I would be a total asshole to them too. Yeah right like he's running a production team of right he's a stage manager he's not a yeah of course he's barking orders and but of right. He's a stage manager. He's not a yeah, of course. He's barking orders and But no, it was just kind of one of those like oh, yeah There's the great magnet kind of like here we keep going like oh I just want to get like I want to see in his eyes when I just want to look at dr Phil and say I you know that I was right, right? You know that I warned you about all of this I bet you went home and laughed about it

Yeah, I bet he did. But I bet like most boomers, he was still in the realm of like, well, we're doing some good after all. You know, ultimately, all this pretend all the shit is equal, and cats are dogs, and up is down. Ultimately, if we overshoot it, we're going to scale back, and some of it will have been good. And I was the only man on the ground saying

No, you're really fucking things up man. Yeah someday. I mean someday you're gonna have men attacking congresswomen and Phil this is really fucked up what you're doing. You're like dude. I see the future man I'm trying to warn you i'm gonna be like bob marley, you know. Oh, I tried to warn you Ebenezer Bob Marley they kill you My well my dad my dad had this helpful Tip for Christmas. I am gonna get him talking points just that yeah Just get him a blank pack and note cards with fucking things to talk about. That he can just slide you. Yeah, here you go

Here's what you're doing wrong. The perfect gift for dad Here's what you're doing wrong cards. perfect gift for dad! Here's what you're doing wrong, cards. Ticket book, you just rip it out and... Yeah. Ooh. And like a, he can fill in like the specifics of the violation. Like actually you've been doing this. This is a second violation of not strapping it down correctly.

Oh. Not putting my fucking screwdrivers back. He said he wants nail clippers for Christmas like a man Come on, you know, whatever ones you're gonna get him is gonna be the wrong ones, too Yeah, well, you know, you don't have nail clippers. What are you talking about? You got a knife, don't you? Maybe I'll get him a toenife the test I had I had the most stressful. I had the most stressful ten minutes of my life this week. I had a box of Pokemon cards. You remember those Pokemon cards

that my nephew found in my closet? Oh yeah. And then he alerted me. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. We can't play with these. This is like a holy relic. Don't even open the box. I see that.

I know that's a Chansey on the front that means this is old shit in here Like the the corners are all you know Crusted with age the box one of those big big card boxes, right? You gotta open it with a mask on Yeah, my my my mom is like busting out. He goes an Anna. No It was like six years old or something an Anna. No, you need to call uncle right now. Don't do what you're doing. I don't pull rank here, but I see what you're doing is wrong and I need to stop you. So I showed up and sure enough,

they were the lost Pokemon cards that I had been searching for for like 15 years. V lost. My lost Pokemon cards. That's where I had that Charizard that I sent in to get graded. I got a grip of other Charizards I got all kinds of shit. So um, I

I wanted to de-stress this week and just do something like monotonous Yeah, as you know, it's like it's holidays, which is like a nightmare for men. It's the worst It's just a nightmare. Every day is basically 9-11 If you're a man and I'm getting emails from Equifax Like did you know you said did you know your mom's present cost how much? So I'm sitting there going through my cards, and I'm like okay. This will be fun I'm gonna go on Google like what's the most expensive card in this set right pull it out alright I'm gonna see if I can send this shit in to get graded right make a couple bucks

Plus I'm working on that NFT thing like let's throw, let's throw some tokenized cards up into the platform. Um, by the way, burgers, Stone Toss's burgers thing went up. This berm, his burgers meme coin. Have you heard about that? Do you remember flirks? These little guys? I do. I do remember. Right here? Yeah. So it's funny. Um, when Stone Toss did flirks, all of web 3, OpenSea, banned him from all the platforms and he was totally fucked. All the holders were fucked. But then he just did these burgers, which is another goofy NFT. Looks cool though, looks fun. I like that shit, because I like the people involved and I like the technology, so no brainer. And it was number one on OpenSea. And OpenSea is like, these guys are getting just ass-fucked because they dumped all this money after a stupid, they just wasted all their investment money. Anyway, white pill, it's raining white pills.

So I said, I'll take a nice day off and relax and pull some cards out and see what they're worth, right? I start going, I start going and I'm like, wait wait a minute I didn't know how many cards I have I'm like set after set after set after set and I get to the last one and I go what's the most expensive card in this one I scroll down and I find Lugia, Lugia, Lugia. And I go, oh, and the house is silent, right? My girlfriend's gone. She's at some kind of thing. And I'm like, oh, I could just take these cards and run away forever.

Like I- You had freedom in your hands. I could take these cards and my dog, who I just spent 600 bucks on x-rays on and it turns out her leg isn't busted. It's just the, you know, whatever. I could take these cards and I could run away forever with them.

I could move down to Mexico with Ralph. This is my ticket out of here. This is my ticket out of this hell, right? I'll send some money for the baby, you know, whatever, under the table. I don't want the government involved. Right. I'll send the baby some pictures baby, you know, whatever, under the table, I don't want the government involved. Right. I'll send the baby some pictures of the Lugia cards, you know,

here, you can have one of the Lugia cards. What you missed out on. I'm like, oh my god, I start getting into sweats, right? Because these haven't been tampered with. It's like the Tutankhamun, right? Yeah. The tomb, like, oh my god, and that story of that guy that found 100 grand in their closet, like a Honus Wagdor.

I'm like, it's me. Oh my god, it's finally, something good finally happened. Something finally happened to me. I pull it out and it says first edition. I said, Oh no, no, no. So I walk away. I walk away and I wash my hands. I'm like, okay, okay. You got to fucking settle down. I say, okay, what do I need to do? I need to get it. I need to get it graded, I need to do something. I know how this process works,

you send it into these scumbags, the grader, and then they determine your fate. And you send them like 100 bucks or something. So I say, okay, I know it's in Long Beach, I'm just gonna drive it in, right? So I get on the K, I call them, I say, hey, can I just bring my card in? And they say, it's 500 bucks a card to bring it in.

And I'm like, ugh. What the fuck? OK, so I'm not going to do that, right? You're cutting into my profit margins. So either way, I still have to put it, even if I do that, I still have to put it in one of these other sleeves, a thicker sleeve, right? You can't just take it in and drop it off.

No. I say, even if you bring it in, you have to put it in a hard sleeve, because we store it. And I said, okay, that's retarded. But I mean, we're talking about my daughter's college fund here now. So I go get one of those sleeves, right? I say, this is the most stressful. I'm already at a 10. And now I'm at a level, I have to carefully like docking, you know, like the level and Top Gun that Sean was amazing at Where you have to dock we really refuel. Yeah, that's like his favorite Nintendo game is Top Gun, of course, of course the worst game Man who was your favorite Nintendo game not Top Gun

Everyone hated that game He can do it with he can do Value select! Come on in, man! That's a good one. Come on in and have a seat. Grab a seat. I'm talking about my Pokemon cards. Do you have any Pokemon cards? I don't have any Pokemon cards.

Okay, so this is what I do. Let me pull you up here. Johnny, will you make sure that value select... What do you want to be called, by the way? Oh, value select. Value select is good? Yeah, yeah. okay get on that get yourself situated and get on that microphone and I'm gonna tell this story Kouf sent in a lovely present for Sean speaking of Sean see right here he'll have to get it when he if he

comes back if he comes back yeah if he comes back ever that's when he gets the present I'm not gonna give it to him I'm not gonna give it to him at a function he'll have to actually come back on the show to get it let me let me blow you up Yeah, if he comes back ever that's when he gets the present. I'm not gonna give it to him I'm not gonna give it to him at a function He'll have to actually come back on the show to get it. Let me let me blow you up a little bit value How you doing man? I was laughing my ass off at your songs today. Oh, yeah, which one the press my button One we're gonna play it in a little bit. Okay Yeah percent

Yeah, so it takes me off I found Pokemon cards in my closet that are worth potentially $60,000 and Those were the most valuable ones and there were other ones that were worth like 10 5 down to 1 right so I get the I get the hard cases out and I say alright I'm gonna practice putting these cards priceless heirlooms that I'm gonna pass down to my daughter in the sleeve, you know? Which is like this goofy shitty sleeve, right? Like it's like the Saw music where it goes

It's like that. The thing is like that and I'm feeding a car into it or college tuition into it. This is tough. What happened? I'm doing it one at a time, right? But I have dead silence. I have dead silence. I wash my hands after each time and go like, OK, OK, it's fine. You're an adult, man. This is no big deal. It's probably not even worth that much,

but it's fucking perfect. The card is fucking perfect because I put it in his sleeve, put it in the box 20 years ago, 22 years ago, and I never touched it since. It was lost in time. So this is an ancient story here then, okay. It was lost in time until this week, until this fucking week, dude.

No. Because I didn't know I had all these sets. I thought I just had the basic set. You pressed the button on the resolute desk and the drawer popped out. Yes, it was like National Treasure! Like, oh! The declaration.

Neo Destiny, no, no way, no way bro. Right, so I'm just easing them in, right? And I'm like, okay, one after the other, Charizard, Charizard, Blastoise, Blaine's Charizard, Sabrina's, Gengar's, whatever, so I'm like, okay, it's time to do the big dirty. It's time to shoot. You know, I've never you got, have you ever talked to a hot woman and got rejected? Oh, yeah, all the time.

You know, like when you're gearing yourself up for like, OK, it's now or never. Yeah, that's how I feel. I'm like, all right, I got the lugea. I got the tools. I got the talent. I aced that that blastoise was fucking perfect. Here we go. Here we go. We go here. We go here We go and I grab it and then I hear in the driveway

The gravel I'm like you got to be fucking kidding my wife's home Okay, if I don't freak out Everything's cool. We're being like the Fonzie right yeah and freak out, everything's cool. We're being like DeFonzie, right? Yeah. You should, she should, you should feel supported. You should feel better about this now that she's here. Yes. Back from Target, right?

And I can already feel my fucking loading hand, right? Back from Target and I can hear the groceries coming out of the car. I'm like, I can't help with the groceries cause that's gonna fuck up my grip. My grip is now honed like a brain surgeon for loading these fucking lugias into the card sleeve. I'm like I'm not gonna help with the groceries.

And there's that part of your brain like you gotta kick into bellboy mode. You gotta run out and be like hey what can I do for you? So now my brain's conflicted. Now I'm like, now my simp side is like wanting to help because she's pregnant. Like well you gotta go help the pregnant woman with the groceries and the other guy's like no you don't you don't have to help her with shit she wanted to go to Target these are your Lugia cards like alright so I go open the door gingerly with the with the other hand and I'm holding this one very close right and I open the door and I wait for to come in and wait to think that she doesn't need help with the groceries

before I say oh you need any help with the groceries before I say no You need any help with the grocery? You know that move right? I'm yeah, like yeah, I see the car door shut like okay There's no more groceries. You know you need help with the groceries. Okay, and I come back and I'm like, okay Don't don't doubt. Oh, I'm ready to jump in. Oh, yeah. Wait. Wait. Here it comes here comes and I wait and I hear Look what I got at Target 20 grand down the drain right? Oh, I knew it. Oh, no, you fucking beautiful bastard. You knew it You knew you knew that was coming. So I'm like absolutely. I would love to see it. I'm like, you fucking beautiful bastard. You knew it. You knew it. You knew that was coming

So I'm like absolutely I would love to see it. I stand up and I go Perusing it like wimpy right with Popeye. Oh, yeah, that's amazing. I can't believe you found that noodles. Yeah, that's tremendous We'll enjoy those. Oh look at this. Look at this like little Japanese shit. No, she was at the Japanese store. Okay. I remember now So I go back and I say, you're never gonna believe what I found in the closet. And she goes, what? And I said, oh, don't say it. You can't say that shit out loud

cause that's gonna change your brain too. Right, pressure. You know? Then she's gonna go, oh really? Like, oh really? 20 grand over here and what's that? So you're gonna get me something nice? It's gonna be just more, right?

Right, right, it's gonna be more more like feeding a bear, you know? So I'm like, so I said, never mind. Right? It's the worst move you can make. What do you mean never mind? Yeah? Did she buy it? No, no, no.

I mean, we've been dating, we've been together for nine years. So if I say never mind, she wasn't interested in the first place believe me okay, so I come back Okay Here we go. It's time for the big dirty right And I go to it she goes I'm gonna take Maddie on a walk Or her legs hurt do you not think I should I say you should absolutely take you should absolutely take her to walk Get the fuck out of here. I'll help you

Throw the leash in the street. I sit down and I swear I go like a fucking robot like those cup stackers, you know go As soon as the door shuts boom boom done And then I look down and it's like fucking it was like two but it's like a gunslinger, you know I like that. I looked down as like two bodies fucking perfectly sealed To look at you like a Navy Seal like a Navy Seal Just execute no time for fear, right? That's what that's exactly. Yeah. Yeah, exactly like bin Laden

No time. No time to think about the fear just Exactly like bin Laden. Yeah, I to think about the fear just Exactly like bin Laden yeah save it all on your hard drives Do you think bin Laden was like humming and hawing over September 11th like he was like, you know Maybe we shouldn't maybe we should wait till like Friday the 13th or something Have you ever thought about that? That must have been stressful for him. Oh totally anybody who's done project management, right? You know That must have been stressful for him. Oh, totally. Anybody who's done project management, right, you know.

Oh my god. Project management. Yeah. Are all four teams ready? Like, I don't know, man. The Pentagon team is a little bit, I knew I shouldn't have put those jokers together. Seeing how hard it is to pull things off,

I'm sure he's just happy it got done. I'm sure there was a moment like, guys, I can't believe it. We did it. Holy shit. Like there's that picture of Kennedy in the White House when he's like, oh, so deep in thought about like the Bay of Pigs or whatever. Right. Right. Or something. There's a guy, Ben Laden had to have like a, ah man, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah.

This is like the LuGi thing all over again. Did you wait for his wife to leave to pull off trigger on it? Dude. I should have called in a bomb threat at the Japanese door. Hey, there's a lady in there with a bomb. Don't let her come back home while I'm doing my card thing. So anyway, yeah, please introduce yourself to everyone. I'm horrible at introductions, but you're a very funny guy. I'm so happy you came in today.

I'm happy to be here. Thank you. Value Select, I do, I guess, just YouTube videos. I guess that's just what it is, content. Yeah. Yeah, I try to do a little more kind of an artistic take but that's what we've been kind of reduced down to Here's your I'm gonna play this song so people have a sense of your Comedy, I think this audience is really gonna like it Here we go Johnny you're gonna ride that for me

At least take me to lunch first. Jesus. Ha ha ha. Uh huh. ["Don't Go Now"] I say I'm leaving and she says don't go. I say not like that, I'm just going to the grocery store She says okay can you please be safe? And that fills me full of rage

I'm gonna die, coming back I have your request to please be safe Let's push button deep inside Don't foist your fears on me I can handle myself Out in these places As soon as I step out back I'll be shot to death And I'll bite life by tack Be safe from what? I'd rather rip a few pages

So you must be done Like if a guy builds a kit in your way Don't you hesitate to do what he says You can't be afraid Because he's out your life If the guy goes and gets in your way, don't you hesitate to do what he says If he's gonna kill you, he's gonna save your life You take his first, then you buy back his entire bloodline I'm not gonna die If you request a place for you, save just the pushup

I'm gonna put a sign in his voice that he cares about me But it's hard to be the witch I'm wasting the games I leave, but that's the vibe you're giving off like if something happens let me see what else I so I usually you know I mean I don't know this show we just bring bullshit in and complain about it oh I got some you got some you got some. You got some? You got some too. I did a stream last night that got,

it got a lot of views going over this court case. A friend of mine made fun of a guy too hard, so he got the police involved. Really? Yeah. The police are involved, how so? Like, people have been arrested? They arrested him and the prosecutors took him to trial

And they said we're gonna throw the book at you We got a new law in Texas about cyber stalking and you're gonna be the guy we get first cyber So this is like the UK where if you make a mean Facebook post the police come and get you we're having that now In Texas and can you believe that in Texas? Yeah I thought they were tough guys right, but apparently not. So he goes to court and the prosecutors say, well, we'll give you a, you know what? If you just admit that you're guilty, we'll give you 20 minutes of community service. Because his case is so retarded, like the threat is having novelty scissors in a parking lot and saying he's going to shave this other e-celebrity's shoulders.

It's like Wile E. Coyote. Yeah, it's Wile E. Coyote shit. And everyone knows it. They have to be embarrassed bringing it in. And he goes the prosecutor says well you just you know you plead guilty and we'll give you two hours community service and you have to worry about any of this or 20 minutes community service, whatever it is and he goes No, I'm innocent The principal the principal yep put me in jail I'll go on a hunger strike Yeah Principle yep, put me in jail. I'll go on a hunger strike So it goes to court and his lawyer goes this not only is this fucked up But this law is unconstitutional and the judge goes yeah, actually he's right. This is this is fucked. It's it's over

It's quashed. They say it's been dismissed. Okay, not out of it. It's a supreme court or nothing. No, no, no They can they can redo it. Okay, But they have to refile it and fix what they're charging him with, which is impossible, because what they're charging him with is just hurting feelings. So I read through this. I covered it last night, just reading the legal document and trying to make it fun.

Yeah, any juicy things in there? Oh, yes! So the guy that he was making fun of, Eric July, uh, after he got made fun of too much, he met the police at a gas station. The gas station? At a gas station! Like just bumped into him, like, oh by the way. No, he summoned the police to a f- this was in the- this was in the fucking documents! This was in the government's response to why this is a- why this is valid,

and this guy deserves to go to jail. Eric July met the- summoned the police to a fucking gas station on the edge of on the outskirts of town And told them that Riley was working for me. Oh the cops said well, why is this guy doing this? He goes he's a he's a he's on he's doing it to behest of Dick Masterson And he never says he will refuse to say my name online He calls me like that guy and like makes it, like, I don't know, have you seen people do that where they're like, I don't say that guy's name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They refuse to give power to it or platform you or whatever, so they just kind of refer to you like scants. Yeah, don't worry, I'm taking the power of myself. A lot of guys have tried to not give me power, you know? Yeah, yeah. Don't you think I'm a little old to be, don't you think we're both a little bit old to be trying,

I'm not gonna give you power, okay man. Look, you just do more so by doing that too. You really do. They wanna dig into it, like, who is this guy? Who is he? Yeah, oh wow, you can't even say his name? Wow, that's a real... So they summoned him at the gas station, why the gas station?

Is that where the crime of being trolled occurred on his phone or something like that? No, the crime occurred at his business, at his industrial warehouse where he sells, or he ships shitty comic books. Right, yeah. So, I don't know why, I think he wanted to pretend like he needed a police escort to drive him back to his industrial warehouse.

Right. But he says to the cops, they say, well, what is this guy's problem? And he's like, well, he works for, he's like a lieutenant of Dick Masterson. A lieutenant? Did he say lieutenant? He didn't say lieutenant. He says awesome if you did exactly he's my producer But it was so I was listening to it last night This is been like a two years long thing yeah

And when I read in the police report that he said my name I was like you're goddamn right you're Damn right you say my name, you fucking bitch, Eric. You fucking say it. And then they made him say it again. Like, ah, yes! You have no idea how satisfying this is to me as, like, a piece of shit. Right? Like, ah, ha ha ha ha ha ha! You fucking say it! Don't you ever forget it! Now it's in the permanent fucking record! Who is this guy? Well, He's a guy. He's a he's a producer of a guy. Yeah, what guy you know? I you know just a dude is a guy. I don't like I don't want to give him power to well

We need his name for the police room or Saros that sorry say it into the cam I wonder if there is body cam footage of that oh hundred percent I don't know how you'd access it, but I don't know foyers Yeah, I gotta be friends with null again so I can get this kind of exactly. Yeah, can we be friends again me and all? I hope so come on. I'm having a kid He he's just got to do a push-up if he had if he could do a push-up We could be friends again is that the ref then he just couldn't do a push-up

He couldn't do push-up. He's all upset about it cuz I said he can't I mean you should you could do one push-up, right? I could do multiple.-up, right? I could do multiple, yeah. There's no reason to brag. You can do a push-up, right, Johnny? Exactly one, yeah. Yeah, enough. That's good.

That's respectable. Yeah, I don't know. Okay, I saw this one too. This is kind of funny. This made me rage. A rage. This is FIRE. Do you know that organization?

It's there about free speech. I have not heard about this. I have not heard about it. Fire. This is a new one. Yeah, thefire.org. I don't know if it's like, um, I don't know if it's because like fire in a crowded room is like the meme or whatever. I don't know why they're called fire. Probably a stupid acronym. Uh, but they, they found a middle school teacher in Iowa Who banned these words from her classroom?

Meow is banned The RIP the 2008 random kids. Yeah Yeah First thing I saw so this bitch is banned That's exactly what I saw! That was the first thing I saw. So this bitch is banned. Diddy party diddler, oiled up baby oil, skibbity toilet, Ohio alpha beta omega sigma, brain rot, Riz or Rizler, womp womp, chat giga chat, and she fucked up, she thought it was giga chat.

And it's... She don't want to... She's got a giga wrong too. Yeah. Pidgeys? Whoa. Easy there. Yeah, easy there. Bark, barking, meow, meowing, curse words, talk, or hock-twa.

Hahahaha! Rage quitting, racist comments, pimp, encouraging suicide. I gotta imagine that was already banned. Kill yourself. LGBTQ plus jokes and she forgot the plus so she squeezed it in fat jokes that might have been like a personal preference right I think that's it was all all the other things were to hide with the true that was the rider that they're high that she's fat. That was the writer that they're hiding, that she's hiding in with them. Um, drug references, Nazi or Holocaust references.

Who's doing these references? What kind of, what fucking kind of classroom? What kind of a bit, yeah, what kind of a song? What kind of class is this? Uh, and then she left a, a tick there for another one and then couldn't, I guess she couldn't top Nazi or Holocaust references. Everything else. What does this say? These teachers have gone too far. This is a free speech issue, you know? Reminder, if you say any of these words listed, you will owe Miss Ingram a 30 minute detention.

You will owe Miss Ingram a 30 minute detention. They're starting early. See what they're doing. See, we got so worried about the trans and the gay people in schools, we forgot that it's actually just women that are also the problem. You know? Trying to assert authority, trying to say what you can and can't say. Yeah! Don't make fun of me. No fat jokes.

No fat jokes. If you make a really good fat joke it's a 60 minute detention depending on how hurtful it was like that's the only job skill that i learned in school yeah fat chugs that's right i mean this is uh these are future comedians here these are future comedians yeah all these things and then the people getting bullied those are like those are stem majors right these are the folks who are going to be coding. Yeah, exactly. Getting bullied into their computer. They're disrupting the culture, you know? They're disrupting their ability to socialize by turning them into little, by not letting

them say shit like Ohio. Like, who gives a shit? Look at all these things that aren't funny anymore. Yeah. It's insane. That's not funny. That's not funny. He said, do you know Vito Giswoldi?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's a hell of a, he's a hell of a funny guy. I really like him. I like doing the show with him, but he's been in a weird mood where he's the... He's determined what is and isn't funny lately. That's not funny. That's boring. I'm like, all right, man. Like, we're in the... Come on, we're making an entertainment product here. Oh, yeah. You gotta make it funny. You gotta throw out some chaff to get the sharks to come, you know, that's how you get it built Yeah, one brick at a time and sometimes the first brick isn't the best. Yeah, this isn't the what's not funny show Come on

Well, I could say if anything, maybe these are just trite, you know, maybe the teachers helping out These are well trod grounds Maybe she's encouraging kind of an alternative comedy Renaissance. Oh, yeah. Yeah, don't stick with don't do the tried-out memes. You guys gotta make your own me Yeah, exactly. I think hopefully that's a that's a positive case scenario there Yeah, my girlfriend's a teacher and she'll send me the like the real real Essays like check this one out, right and they're all just like they're amazing Some of these some of the essays that these kids come up with it's like is this guy like a young like Hannibal Lecter? Some of them and then other ones another one

She sent me was it was entirely written in meme speak Oh, no, like it's about some kid going to the Carlsbad canyons And he's like there was a Sigma he was going a Sigma skibbity was going into the and I'm reading it I got nephews I'm like I understand exactly what he's saying she's like I understand it too but you know they're not supposed to write like this like yeah it's awesome like you should get in how should be rewarded for this there's a new language forming out there and I think that it's just kind of insane that that is the default culture of the youths now

I guess it's always been that way there's always been some sort of like kind of cheesy just slang Yeah, that seems like that's all they have is that kind of skivvy. Yeah Give me toilet. Yeah, I'd hate to be a kid right now. I'd hate to be in middle school again. Yeah, would you really why I Think just the pressure to have the right opinion. I think it was already kind of rough when I was gone before the internet was like- When did you go to middle school? How old are you? I'm forty-four. So when I went to middle school we didn't even have a pager.

Right. We had just gotten, I think, the flip phone to have was cool. The flip phone to have was cool. I'm twenty-eight. Oh, okay. Wow. Yeah. That's fucked. Yeah. So I can't imagine having to go through that and essentially be like a little politician, right? Yeah. And like, narking on people. Narking on people. Cancelling people. Yeah. Cancelling people and then not being really free to screw up in those ways. Yeah. More so than just being cringe. Just being cringe. It's like middle school. That's what it's for. It's that kind of quarantined school area. You're not gonna be detected. You're not a high schooler That's the protected area for cringe to get it out of your system

Yeah, and then if you're still a cringe in high school freshman, that's when yeah, the bully comes down hard I just can't like we would do I mean we would do non-stop racist accents and it would non-stop like we'd spend an entire weekend just talking in racist accents What do you attribute that to what was the hilarious? I would still do it if I wouldn't get all my shit canceled that this would just be the show What do you mean Punjabi Robbie isn't acceptable WWF wrestler and 64 name come on Yeah, so there you go, that's free speech in class

Have you seen the drones? You see I have yeah, I hear folks are saying it's um the cons what the conspiracy theory That's about to be project blue beam. Have you heard of that? No, what's that? That's like the government's tried They were looking for a they were looking for a skinny woman and they would stop when they found that's what I heard They got a lot looking yeah I'm looking for things pop up that's what I heard you gotta double down on their search that's like the Amazon lidar is that they got they're just searching for a skinny one yeah they got him drones is like just scanning constantly we got to find one skinny bitch to bring back to Bezos for

his harem and they stayed scanned the wilderness looking for her That'll be huge when they discover it. I'm looking forward to that There's just like fat chicks, you know and the skinny one like hides among them like Anne Frank Is it gonna be kind of like them? Yeah. Yeah scampering, you know Then they realize it's just a geographical anomaly like the face on the moon. It's like that wasn't really a face Oh, yeah, it's just kind of a fatter woman standing more sideways What is blue beam that you're saying? I don't profess to know too much about it, but essentially it's a

Conspiracy theory that the government's trying to initiate the new world religion. So what they're gonna do they're gonna get these drones They're gonna use them to like simulate an alien invasion. Oh,. And then they're gonna be like, well the aliens are here, so here's what we do. Yeah, here's how we take power, control. So I don't think that's gonna work. That's what I'm saying. Like yeah, COVID worked because everyone's been sick before, you know? But just seeing kind of crazy things. My thought is is that you could just fake that online You don't have to have a physical presence. Yeah, you don't need drones flying around. No folks are already kind of demoralized and Now the race to have a giant kind of like Chinese Parade in the sky. I don't think that's gonna do much

I see a lot of worrying about like the alien invasion the government's gonna fake and they're gonna fake UFOs and like people preemptive You know how like people preemptively sometimes like get disappointed Yeah, they're like, I don't I'm not excited because I know it's not gonna work out I see the same thing but like about an alien invasion like I know the government's about to fake UFOs. It's like well Yeah, but they like they can't How do you think that's gonna work exactly they can just do anything so of course they could do that too They're gonna have a guy in a suit like It's gonna be too late by the time they do the amount of like

Misspending by the government like it takes them a billion dollars to do something that you take like ten bucks Yeah, take it over and 20 years later too late to like you see some movies getting released now. It took them forever They're just culturally outdated. Yeah, by the time we have the alien invasion program by the government We're gonna be somewhere else entirely. They're gonna have a lot of debt to take the aliens are gonna have a lot of debt Yeah, they're not gonna want to come. We're here to conquer you like bro Please yeah, take it Kill those guys Luigi those guys, you know, oh, Here's a list of all the guys that are running things. Go for it. Knock yourselves out.

What have been your guys' thoughts on the whole Luigi thing happening? I mean, I'm bound by... I'm bound at the upper limit of enthusiasm by how much I want to keep bank accounts and platform accounts. Um, so... Okay. Alright. Does that answer your question? That's great. That's great.

Diplomatic. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I didn't do it. What's your thoughts on that? What's your opinion on that? Well, then they wrote a big op-ed. Like the healthcare, there was a big op-ed in the New York Times.

Right. Where the healthcare CEO said, like the healthcare, there was a big op-ed in the New York Times, where the healthcare, the CEO said, like, we really need to do a better job. And I'm like, that's a good start. Like that, okay. That's a beginning. That's a beginning. I think all healthcare is, it's just a scam. It's just a huge scam.

Yeah, yeah, why am I paying for something? I'm essentially subsidizing the undead. I'm subsidizing, as a younger person who doesn't go that much, I'm essentially paying like 350 undead. I'm subsidizing, as a younger person who doesn't go that much, I'm essentially paying like $350 on the low end, right? Are you paying $350 a month? That's the price, and to be honest, I'm not paying it. That's what I would pay.

You don't have health insurance? I don't have health insurance. I don't need it. So you just pay the fee? Like when you pay your taxes, you pay the uninsured fee? How do you pay your taxes? Okay, here we go. I'm subsidizing.

What are you subsidizing exactly? No, no, I pay my taxes. I pay my taxes. I pay it. I'll pay them. I pay them and I pay them. I'm just saying, like, it just doesn't make sense for most folks. Yeah.

The thought of it going universal, because that's what the push is, right? That's what this whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then it's just like, now I'm forced to pay it. I have to pay it. I mean, you don't even remember, like, what it was before Obamacare, do you? Because you know, I mean, you don't pay now. No, no. So you definitely paid then. like what it was before Obamacare do you cuz you know I mean you don't pay It was cheaper

Yeah, and well like they started doing I'm talking like 50 bucks or something It was a lot cheaper, okay Health care was a lot cheaper and they but they would they would fuck you over for pre-existing conditions Which they just shouldn't have done like if they if they just didn't do shit... Kind of like you're coming in with something and you're like, yeah, we're not going to treat it. You should have got here earlier. Yeah, you broke your bone when you were eight. So, you know, we're going to really have to crank up your rates.

Yeah, that's a little rough because I think that that shouldn't be the thing. Yeah. Yeah. I think like, so Obamacare happened. They got it. Insurance companies got a lot more money, but there was no new doctors. So like, what is the the what exactly is the better the guy that's the health care is from the doctor and they didn't Mint a bunch of doctors. So where's how's this helping?

You just like made rich people get less I guess and poor people get more except almost all of the poor people's problems Is because they're fat. Yes, Right? Yeah, yeah. I mean... They're getting, they're getting beat up by Captain Crutch. It's banging their arteries. Yeah! They gotta come and fix it. And nobody's talking about that either. It's just like, well you can just, you just occur these life debilitating conditions out of nowhere, right?

And that's how they get you too, if you're neurotic and healthy. Like, well, you can get cancer tomorrow and it's like, well what are you eating? Where are you living? Right, are you living next to the oil refinery? Everyone is.inery? Are you going to refinery? Everyone is living over a burn pit Yeah, and then Well, you got last week. I brought in this story a doctor friend of mine sent me You know one of his he sends me these absolutely horrifying anecdotes every once in a while and the last one was a guy that came into the ER because he had shoved a shot glass down his

dick hole into his urethra and His asshole had been so blown out with dildos that like it had been sewn They had to sew it off from the colon or something and I'm like, yeah, that's that's health care Like this is what and they're they're being worked like slaves. Doctors are being worked like slaves. They don't have the time or energy to like stand up. You know, they can't just go on strike.

No, no, and they're gonna be taken over by the robots too soon. You're gonna have just the kiosk McDonald's style. Type in, they hit you with a jab or something. That'd be great, you're fat. Things are gonna say like, you're too fucking fat. Here's your shot. Tentacles come out, start sucking it. Sucking the fat out?

Yeah, sucking the fat out. Okay, let me let me pull up. I saw the drone thing. I saw somebody say there's search- It's like a test run for nuclear bombs, which I thought that was interesting. Like yeah, okay, I could see if you're doing drones searching- Testing for a nuke in the port, you wouldn't tell people because then they would think there's a nuke. Yeah, and they gotta get out of there. Yeah, that makes sense.

It also makes sense if there is a nuke in there, and they also don't want to say. Yeah, maybe we can cover it up real quick. Okay, let's let me get this. Here's a good one. This is a hot news item. This is a hot news item. This is Sydney Sweeney. What do you think, Johnny, what do you think about this? I'm just an audio engineer, man. I keep seeing this on my fucking Twitter that I just got. And I'm like, I already want back off of this platform. I want to kill myself.

Yeah. Guys decided collectively that they would all like jack off to this girl and Then she got caught Like not looking so hot. It's this is like it's like the McDonald's ad like this is the bun when you get it Yeah, these pictures not the bun when it's on TV, right? This is the hamburger This is the Big Mac when you get it versus the Big Mac that's on TV and that you want to stick your dick in This is when you get to McDonald's and get the Big Mac and look at it

You're like I don't want to stick my dick in this same great taste. Yeah Same great taste. Yeah taste better than what's on TV probably But it's a little wealthy It hasn't seen any core exercises, I guess. I don't know. I think she just needs a little more of a tan. I think this is just the, she's trying to get some more sun going on. They show off the hamburger and give you the hamburglar. Yeah, I don't know.

I've been called gay a lot this week for not for saying that she looks like shit here I don't know why that I don't know why that was important to people that that all men agree that she's so Fuckably hot in this picture my guys. I mean, it's not your wife. Why do you care? Yeah, yeah, and she can look bad and it could also be ignores it It doesn't have to look like that yet 365 days out of the year Yes, if you got a photo op going on you should be cognizant of that like professionally But it's like actors who get ripped for films, right? It's an unexpected to have them be just jacked Yeah, yeah year long like when Vin Diesel was remember when Vin Diesel got caught being fat and everyone's making fun of him

Now it's like okay. Yes. I mean she has something she looks like she has a fucking good her fucking guy I it when I look at that I think I know exactly what that gut feels like to move around to bend over and tie your shoes Like ah fuck I gotta put my shoes up sideways to get it when I get up I stretch ago. Oh like I can imagine Sydney sweetie get up and going oh And then just like padding and guy like that. I know fucking exactly what that gut feels like don't fucking tell me that I have to get on board this like I Can't still want to die if I would kill the fuck you train exactly what that gut feels like don't fucking tell me that I have to get on board this like uh Okay, I still want to I would have died if I would kill to fuck you Trey and

I think the thing is she's just responded to it so poorly too She's like why are you guys being so mean to me like I've been reading all the messages It's right the first as soon as you admit that you've been reading it. You're cooked. You're done. You're done Yeah, cuz then everyone don't care. Yeah. Oh you read the bad things? Alright let me write more of that. I gotta get out so you gotta get out in front of us and tell people how much you don't care. Mm-hmm. Right? That's the advice. How unfunny it is. Yeah it's so unfunny that these incels and gay losers. Okay. Not funny. I don't know why I'm gay. I don't like this ugly picture of you. I don't know why I'm gay because I don't like this ugly picture of you.

They're like, this is how women look. No, that's not how I've seen. We all know how women look. What do you mean? I don't know how women look. They don't look like that. No. It's not porn didn't do this in my mind. And porn they don't look that good. And porn they look like fucking shit. They got those giant lopsided tits, right? And point they look like fucking shit because those giant lopsided tits, right? You know like CGI monsters sometimes they got like a gut like your face all fucked up You can see this their tits are moving around like oranges and socks You're like they're not known for like porn didn't porn didn't mess up my mind So I look like that and I look at that and go. Oh, that's just too bad. You should delete those pigs Those are just objectively like artistically bad pictures. Yeah.

Yeah. If someone took pictures of me like that, I'd be pissed. I'd be like, you really made me look like shit? Like, fuck off. What are the anchies doing this for publicity, trying to garner those ugly woman rolls? And this is like, this like claw mark on her ribs is Makeup is that what you think?

That's right. What the hell is that? It's making her more grounded. You know that's the idea the publicist like let's get you out there Looking unflattering people take you more seriously as an actor. Oh, yeah Faces that occupy all the Game of Thrones episodes Let's see here. Oh, yeah, the hundred man gangbang chick. It was crying You see that at all? I did see that You know this chick fucked a hundred hundred guys and like I'm like, yeah We had tons of that in the 90s. Like how is this a big deal? Yeah, well, she's uh, she's putting the or people I don't know if she is people are putting the blame on the dudes

Well, she's putting the, or people, I don't know if she is, people are putting the blame on the dudes. Social media is what it is. Yeah, that's how it's become a big story, it's like, how could they do this to her? I've known folks who've come and they've taken guys on a hundred dates, yeah? And they've drained them of the money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You mean women? Yeah, women. They took guys on a hundred dates?

Yeah, yeah. I've read about that. Right. Like the Tinder swindlers? They come and they treat it as a free lunch and folks play into it and nobody's nobody's complaining about that nobody's going these guys are being taken advantage of because they just they're hoping they're in an outdated model of courtship and they're hoping it gets them a girlfriend yeah just glitch the

exploit yeah they are they are blaming the guys for taking advantage of this this beautiful flower. It's beautiful Like why you guys gotta make everything all gay and fucked up like this some chicks just want to fuck a hundred guys What's your problem? This is listen? This is what's getting the front page, right? Yeah Yeah, yeah, she's gonna and that's the other thing that I guess is if we're going to just talk about messed up The system is so what is she gonna do? She's gonna go and she's gonna make like poetry and then who's gonna care right? Oh, yeah No one she gonna do? She's gonna go and she's gonna make like poetry and then who's gonna care, right? Oh, yeah, no one. She can do this, now she's got a name and if she wants to, she wants to like transfer positions or something, right? And get into something a little different. Oh, and find Jesus. Yeah, exactly.

Oh man, I can't believe I fucked a thousand guys. And now you're in the place and you got the absolution and you're you're free to go. Marketing genius, I'm sure. I know it's so weird, it's so weird to see people react to what I thought was like the oldest trick in the book. Right. Like, we don't need... we're not re-learning about whores, right? Like, are you guys serious? Some chicks just don't have a problem fucking a hundred guys. Like, she's crying because the guys complained about it.

Oh, they complained about it. They said it was like they wanted more intimacy from her and she can't, and she's got to act like, you know, like she can't go like, Oh, fuck you. Right. So she's crying. That's why I know that's why she's crying. Right. Nice.

Let me play the audio. Yeah, let's hear it. Have you like recognized any of the names in here of people that you might know? Oh yeah, definitely. There's been some guys like like outwardly say like, we used to go to school together. Wow. Or some like dad's friends and stuff like that.

What messaging you? Yeah. Oh wait, no, that's not the one. Hold on, let me find the girl cries. A hundred men cries. There we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shame on men.

It's goddamn shame. Yeah. Shame on men. It's got shame. Can you believe all men? You build one bridge. No one knows he was the bridge builder. You fuck 100 guys. Here we go. I think sometimes I feel in so like robotic,

like by the, I think like the 30th, you know, like when we're getting on a bit I've got like a routine of like how we're gonna do this. Yeah, it just sometimes you'd like disassociate and be like You know, like it's not like normal. So in my head right now I can think of like Five six guys ten guys. I remember and that's it But it's just I don't know it It's just weird, isn't it? Like if I didn't if I didn't have the videos, I wouldn't have known.

I've done 100, you know. But yeah, I think that was kind of a bitch. Can you imagine like George Clooney getting an award for a movie going like, you know, I don't really remember anybody that worked on this like maybe maybe five or six guys. If I didn't six guys if I didn't watch if I didn't watch the movie I wouldn't even known that we made it like if I didn't watch scarrio or whatever like that's a real thing these days but he wouldn't say it what the god the audacity of this whore to get on I don't even remember

these guys yeah no it's total a blur to me right yeah I'm gonna revisit that memory each dick more worthless than the last what the fuck what does that say about you huh you can't even remember what's going on here you're choosing loser dudes oh yeah I saw J.F. Garpey you know that guy no who's this dude uh he's a French guy that people think he killed his wife I don't think he did okay he called in and explained how he would have done it if he did kill her so I don't think he'd you know Yeah, he's got like this super thick French I would have done it I would have made a program on her phone that Activated the phone and put it in a uber and sent it around to make a trace and he had like a really elaborate

So I don't think he killed it because he would have he would have enjoyed doing that too much you know yeah okay all right he would have enjoyed doing the plan too much to kill someone without making it elaborate oh so he's not saying like I loved her and I'm innocent he's like no I would have done it better I wish I did it yes actually yeah they beat me to the punch yeah he's saying like he's kind of sounded like I mean I don't know back there. I respect that yeah So class if you're gonna make me think about killing my wife Yeah, I'm gonna think about a plan and then she just kind of ran out on me So now I'm kind of pissed off and a part of me

Kind of thinks I could have got you you think like I could have got away with it. Yeah. Yeah, everybody wants to get away with it Especially guys like him, you think like, I could've got away with it. Yeah, yeah. Everybody wants to get away with it. Especially guys like him, you know, smart guys. Yeah, what was I saying? Oh yeah, he was saying that she's crying because the, she chose, all the guys that were fucking her were like fans of her OnlyFans, and they were like losers.

And in her fantasy, she wanted to be fucked by like 100, like, raw masculine, like losers. Yeah. And in her fantasy, she wanted to be fucked by like a hundred like raw masculine, like Chad men. And she's crying because her degradation was ruined by losers, essentially. I had to go because I'm into it. They're probably sitting at the edge of the bed. Yeah. This is such a cool room you have. Like that's a cool tapestry. Yeah. Uh, I like your gamer tapestry. The hard part is like conversing with them and like when they'd kind of be like,

oh, like we've only had two minutes or three minutes and you said five on the message. Did someone say that to you? Yeah. See, see? Obviously just makes me feel so bad. That's what she's crying over. You shouldn't say bad about that.

I guess when you've promised something to people who support you, it's kind of hard to let them down. But it's up to you, right? Yeah. Yeah. Not really. Have you even processed, do you think, what's happened? Not yet.

God, I won't forget this day Jesus When I decided to start making dude, the loser is that she's letting fucker Complained about it. That's what's going on in her mind, right? Well, you said we'd get five minutes to fuck you and you only gave me two rookie mistake Yeah, when I was valet, we always told the guys we'd get their car a little bit later. And then when we showed up on time a little earlier, they were like, well, I can't believe you did it. Right?

So what should she have said? Yeah, she should have under-selled. Right? You're gonna get like five seconds. And over-delivered. Yeah, exactly. Try not to cum game, but like, right? This is just revealing she's a bad businessman.

Can't trust her words. Yeah. Yeah. Like, what else are you under-, but like, right? This is just revealing she's a bad businessman Can't trust her words Yeah! Yeah! Like what else are you underselling it's on, huh? She thought the product would sell itself Like five minutes, you know, if you dig it too, they'll be fine Yeah, they'll be entranced Yeah, they're not fine

They weren't happy with two minutes They were writing reviews This fucking whore Yeah The place was dirty Okay, look I did not like the staff. The guy who was filming me, he was rude. He was rude.

Let's see. Uh. Oh yeah, Biden pardoned a guy, a judge. Biden's pardoning some crazy guys. One of them was selling kids, like, to prison camps? Yeah, cash for kids. Jesus. Do you know about that?

I watched a documentary on it. Essentially, the prisons were funding judges up to the tune of two million dollars to come in and basically commute the sentences of Just rascals. Yeah. Yeah rascals who in the 50s, you know little slap on the wrist off You know like truancy stuff like skip school. Yeah You're going to prison labor time to get physically abused in a cell. Yeah, insane. And getting rich off of it. And I mean, I think there was a kid that committed suicide

because it just ruined his life. Ruined his life because this guy was like, maybe I make a couple of bucks. Maybe I make a couple of bucks. And Biden pardoned that guy? Yeah, why would he do that? What would be the, what is the worth of that? Giving him the mercy that the guy couldn't give himself.

I don't know. I don't understand that unless if there was some sort of like, again, secret payoff, Biden's getting a little bit of kickback from that. Kind of like- Yeah, all the kid money, the dirty kid money. Affiliate links? Yeah, Biden had affiliate links.

On the top of the pyramid. Yeah, I had affiliate links New MLM There's gotta be a less illegal way to make kids work then throwing him in prison Is it closed all the mines the mines are closed? What do we need child labor for in the US like who's profiting from this child prison work? Thing that they need this so much License plates aren't gonna stamp themselves man come on I and there's the kids doing that I don't know what I'll be putting goofy shit on those license plates if that was

the case maybe they just get paid for occupancy I don't know I think so it's unfortunate it is let's see here here's an Australian gun range. Oh yeah. I saw this one. You saw this one? Oh this is funny man. This is so good. This is funny. Johnny have you seen this one? I haven't. Dude, it seems dumb but I'm like so in favor of this shit. This is Australia's gun range in Australia. So this guy is, I don't know, what has he got, a.357 here? It looks like kind of a big caliber. If he's a big guy that looks like a.44 magnum or a.357. My missus, this generally happened to me.

What the fuck was that? And I said, straight up. I don't need that audio. So he's shooting the gun on a pair of vertical rods, like a a guide and then there's another rod that has the gun held in it And he can only move the gun up and down. It's like a bowling ball ramp. Yeah, like the little pool cue little holder thing Man I have seen people do fucked up stuff at the gun range That's fair. You know it's fair like shooting Like, shooting and then it flies backwards, like right at their head. Like, uh, that wasn't, that wasn't necessary to the experience here.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Or taking a gun and just moving it back and forth, like while it's loaded, moving it out of the way. Yeah. So, I don't know, I feel like so much of gun ownership is like self-regulating. Do you have any guns? I've shot guns. My dad owns guns.

Your dad owns guns? Shot his guns. Are you pro, I don't know, what's your gun opinion? You know, I haven't thought too much about it. I do believe that folks should be able to get them. I think that there should be a check. I don't think that it should take forever. All the gun ranges that I've been to, they're like,

do you have your, have you done the safety thing? Have you sat through this thing? Have you done this? Have you done this have you done that it's like a whole hassle to get in and finally do it yeah so I think it's okay um and I do think if we're getting into the root of why people don't like it I think there's probably something else going on yeah not the gun itself other than a mental health crisis fucking mental health crisis man yeah but this is a good good girder for that this is a way to kind of keep it on lock. I suppose

Yeah, every like super like very liberal people that I talked to about guns They all invariably end on well, I don't have guns because if I had a gun I would shoot somebody I'm like, well, I feel like that you just don't have to have them then Yeah, yeah And this is the same thing like if you feel like you need this little guide Because people go in there you can see that they're afraid and there's no one have them then. Yeah, yeah. And this is the same thing. Like if you feel like you need this little guide, cause people go in there and you can see that they're afraid and there's no one.

And some of the guys there are just like too excited and they're assholes. Yeah, yeah. You know, take it easy. You just put it down. You know, you don't have to, you don't have to shoot. You just put it down.

This is not like a play. No. You know, where the gun has to be shot. If you get it out, like just leave it. It's fine. It is like bowling You know I think it is embarrassing when you do Kind of get a gutter ball and to have this kind of as an entryway for folks to just be able to get the get the

Ball down the lane, you know, yeah. Yeah, yeah, and then you can go more often You can get your own bag and get your own AR 15 and yeah, okay He's into it for sure. Yeah, there's a lot of guys go and they're like though like some journalists go I shot a fucking life ending. Okay. Well put him on like the bumper bull You know, just put it put it in cement and put a trigger sticking out so they can just go oh, okay Yeah, you can be in the other room Clear Yeah, silly, let me see if I got anything else CEO stuff, what do we have here? Clear! Uh, yeah That's silly

Let me see if I got anything else. CEO stuff Oh, what do we have here? Uh, oh yeah My girlfriend's that a friend of ours Our gay friend who I got swatted with He was here when we got swatted He was at gun range recently and

he shot the gun and got so scared that he screamed and dropped the gun Oh! Hahahaha Which is fine! Like the birdcage, right? You know? Like Nathan Lane Hahahaha

I don't know what kind of gun it was Just like, uh, remember that So I think there's a I think there's a need for it You can sign up for it. If it's if it's not voluntary to show up and lock it in I can't imagine two people would go. But if it's an option you know I'm all for options. Yeah for guys like him. Is there a chance you're gonna scream and drop the gun? Yes. There you go. That's the

gun for you. Get the little carnival BB gun with the star on the paper you got a shootout. Yeah Okay Maybe that's enough for oh, it's 120 already man. Thanks for coming in by the way Oh, of course, it's like you said you got any other song you want us to listen to let's I want to plug your stuff Is any of the song to listen? What's your best? What's your you know, your favorite one my favorite one that I? Sent to the most folks is probably the genius wow he figured it out. But that's a short. I think it would still show up. Okay, how do I search for that? Genius. Wow. He figured it out.

Yeah, or he figured it out. It'll probably pop up anyways. Yeah, that's the one. This one? Yeah. Okay. Okay, shit. I hate how I have to just guzz, huh? Yeah, alright. Let me see if this works It was once a young philosopher who put the theory in life, but when he tried it out millions of people died I've never been talking about it It felt good, coming out of the mouth And giving it a little clout And never losing it

I'm still in my room I'm still in my room I'm still in my room The pain is bigger than it's border You're in my room The real version has never been tried So we'll try it again But boys this time you stay alive

Never really let it go The thanks I idolized a sad guy once, but never once Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Was once a young for that's probably that's the one I'm most proud of I think it was once Blends the two angles of kind of like his higher brow stuff and lower brow stuff. Yeah. Yeah, and that like deep Condescending resentment. Oh, I hate elitism in all forms I think yeah, there's so many folks who just have no grip on what's actually going on and they'll try and tell you how To live life. Yeah, you. What do you even know about? Yeah. Where are you seeing that these days? What's your top three?

My father. No. What are you getting him for Christmas? I mean, where am I getting him for Christmas? Yeah. I'll probably get him a drone or something like that. Oh, a drone. I got one of those handheld ones you just press

and it can follow you around and shoot, and he loves that stuff. He always wanted to be a pilot, so being able kind of kind of a simulacrum of that is big But now mostly university professors. I hate university professors. Oh, yeah. Yeah like failed stand-up comedians They come in and they just use it to riff Your dad is a pilot a pilot archetype every everyone's dad is like a different, you know, there's like seven of them. Yes. So he's like, he knows, he likes to like, do all the rules and make sure everything's, you know, buttoned down.

By the book. Yeah, yeah, by the book. Oh, that's interesting. By the book with understanding that there are rules that exist, that folks might not be able to understand, but it's good if we try and get them to do it anyways. Okay. Without having the ability to make people on their level sometimes.

You mean down to their level or like? I think, well folks are all over the place, right? And there are people that you disagree with, that people just trying to like brow beat them to come up. And I believe that you have to kind of like, I don't know if down is the right word, I think that's already. You don't tell them it's down,

but just between us guys in the room, yeah. You move laterally, you move laterally to their level. And, you know, my father's son. And you go and try and speak their term, their language, to get them to the conclusion that you've already taken for granted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is easier said than done. It is easier said than done.

It's so simple. Just simply... Just talk them into it. Yeah. You have to understand their language and their uh, yeah their eccentricities which people don't do Okay, what's another one that I can play another one? It's your second favorite I'd say just go into the channel and just type in popular. Okay, get the Yeah, you select Here we go

This is pretty good. This one's good, okay. Yeah, people like this one. You're a male fantasy. Yeah. It's Sydney Sweeney. That flower sack body that she had. Amazing. Since we need the sweet touch, we need it so much She don't need no sweet escape Can you take me away? This goes out to the sexy ladies

I wanna come and spice up a lot So nice If you wanna know what we're dreaming of Get close baby I don't buy it It goes like an eye Darling I never went able to stay Never talked so that place never regained I wanna ride a jet ski

So baby I'm gonna get you Won't you take your best friend So I wanna see you And then I wanna hang with the boys I'm gonna go and to the frozen pizza factory. I see God in every creature He's fallen away from me He's a sandwich that's taken out I'm gonna go back to the frozen pizza factory A couple of times Stuff's sick as hell How do they make so many?

Perfect! Man, you're very talented. That's incredible. Thank you. I make all the music myself. I program it and play the instruments and then I do the singing and the harmonies. Oh yeah, what do you play? Everything? Keyboard. Electric guitar and then the keyboard turns into everything. Wow.

Got a whole synth collection and then you can do like violins and stuff too. Yeah. Yeah, you know Johnny's a very accomplished What do you call you what you do? Is it producer? Is that right? I'm really good at making coffee and scrubbing toilets That's a skill unbelievably so it takes diligence that you translate the magic. Yeah, you do music too Allegedly, okay, at least shy. See it's tough. It's hard to say that you do. I also take, um, kind of caution in labeling myself with any of those things. Oh, yeah. Like, I don't consider myself a musician by any stroke. No.

Uh, to me, a musician is someone who's like, What key are we in? C major? D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d they move to the piano I'm pretty much like all kind of hate that fucker I respect them I think it's I didn't know people could do that when I went on tour I was of the mindset that's like you kind of try to find the note and then you like he's a musical prodigy his name is Rafa Rodriguez and he he's on tour with I don't know if you know who Porter Robinson is but this big EDM artist and he came and he was just able to just take anything and move it groove it other musicians came on they're just able to pop into it instantly yeah and I just realized yeah I'm not did you say you were on tour yes we for music for music yeah for playing funny songs playing funny songs Wow how was that that was so cool yeah so cool

it was the two how big was the tour like the nationwide? Yeah So I started off doing just like little shows I got reached out to and I maybe have like a thousand followers Yeah, somebody like my 30 second songs like you ever want to do a live show come to the bottom of the hill San Francisco Apparently they launch kind of more in the acts. Okay, I came in there. I have a history of doing musical theater and Okay. I came in there, I have a history of doing musical theater and we... You can tell. Don't tell Vito about that. We put together the songs but they weren't long enough so we kind of wrote like a Mr. Show style like interludes where we come and do sketches and stuff and that got big enough to the point where a touring company reached out

saying hey you want to go and take it they specialize in youtubers so real good touring. Oh. And yeah we went all down the West Coast over the the Midwest not over the Midwest we did go through the Midwest and then to the East Coast and hit every single show VIP you know events beforehand coming in playing it hour-long there was a open groupies and stuff. Oh, yeah chicks coming out Cool we got it's it's um It was just cool to see the fans and the folks enjoy the channel like firsthand Yeah, and look at them and see like a slice of my soul in them, right? Like how we're the same person this is what you say to get laid. This is what you say to the group

Slice of my soul and no No, Kobe remember when he cheated on his wife feel our hearts beats together Bree I can feel you we breathe together. No, no that brutal. Everyone only remembers the helicopter crash They don't remember that speech The funny speech I'm about the music man. Oh, yeah, and it was just cool Yeah, there was a couple that came They had met because of the songs I had been making. They just reached out online and then now they were married.

And the lady was pregnant at the show. Oh, at the show? Yeah, and they came up beforehand and they were like, hey, we love it so much, can we talk to you for a second? We want to name our child after you. We want you to have your name in it. You said, get the hell, get these people out of here. I said, what are you talking about? No, that's insane.

Like I said, don't do that for my sake if you're trying to impress me or something. But if that's for you, do it. What's your name? Do you say? Oh yeah, Max Renner. Max, okay. They wanted to have Renner in the middle name.

They wanted to name your entire name the name. They wanted to be, the name they chose for the first middle name Renner last name their name And at the end of the show she goes into labor she their water breaks and they head off to go have the baby Really? Yeah It was born right there after your blessing for the name? You got it. Was she holding it back? They made it through the show and then they had to dip out because they had to go to the hospital. Because the baby was being born. Yeah. I'm trying to let me her name

I'm trying to make her let me name our kid Donald and then the middle name J Trump And then our last name, you know? Powerful name. Yeah, I said Donald after Donald Duck and she's like, okay, what about the middle name? I said J. Trump. Like after Trump. No. I don't think so. That's a good name.

Come on. That's for politics. I think naming is important. You got to have a good name for your kid and otherwise they get bullied or they get stuck in a job that they don't like. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

I believe in nominative determinism. For sure. Uh, is that like, your life is determined by your name? Yeah. Yeah. Like the Captain Picard episode. At the end, when he's like a loser, cause he didn't get stabbed. Remember that?

Did you see that episode? I did not see this episode. Did you see that episode? No. Oh man, Star Trek. You know Star Trek? I do know Star Trek, yeah. Okay, you know Captain Picard?

I know Cap McCard. I think Q sends him back in time so he can like be an adult as a kid and he doesn't get stabbed in the heart at a game of gum-jot or something by this alien. And then the rest of his life sucks. It's a wonderful life, but in Star Trek. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

And he's like a loser and Riker's like talking shit to his face and like he's wearing one of those blue suits Yeah, it's like that It was a horrifying I remember watching the kid like oh man I gotta be more reckless and like to make a lot of like bad decisions or I'm gonna end up like blue Picard I better start driving drunk now, you know I don't want to be a loser and follow the rules and fuck up like and get shit talked to by Ryker I think that's true I think there is definitely an element of truth to that if you don't make the mistakes you're on that up and up your whole

Life yeah, yeah, you're stuck in this beautiful world It's not real. It's not real You have no idea how it works and then when it falls down when you're like 50 That's when you figure out how the world is. Mmm. Yeah, you're cooked. You're done done. That's Sigma You're cooking cooked. That is skibbity. Yeah. Yeah Mm-hmm. I want to go like protest at that ladies class This is fucking cap. This is all cap Would you go in a 21 drum street style as like a student or something like that?

With like a lollipop and a beanie with a propeller? This fucking skivvy fat bitch No, fat no Riz. Oh cap Okay, here's some comments and then we'll do some voicemails like time is flying here Value select TV. Thank you for coming in. That's cool about the show man. Thank you Value Select TV, thank you for coming in. That's cool about the show, man. Thank you. Hey Dick, DEI shit in my archeology class.

Don't say my name on the show. I live in a very blue state in New England, so the colleges are fucked. Attached is some funny shit that happened in my friend's archeology class. Go fuck yourself in smooches for god knows who. Okay, let's see what happened in your archeology class. Okay.

Whoop. And then, oh boy. What a name. Yeah, I better not show it. So, sexy squirt squirrel. This is your, this is what the kids are doing on Instagram now. Okay.

He's got Patreon open on the other tab. Want to hear how liberal my archeology class is? We examined skeletons today of real people, not allowed to take pictures because we don't have consent. We had to determine the gender and race of the people, but we are not allowed to write down the word gender or race because it's triggering. Also, we can't assume the bones are Native Americans because it's disrespectful to their ancestors. Uh, bro, you're an archaeology student and you can't wrap your head around there? Like the correct version of there?

Maybe you shouldn't be writing down the gender and shit. Maybe you need to go back to fifth grade. Come on guys Come on. This is skibbity Grammar that you're exhibiting. That's why airplane fucking doors fly off and shit That's why the airplanes are falling out of the fucking sky That's why we need drones to go around to see if there's a nuclear bomb anywhere because you can't you gotta You gotta get this shit unlocked, man. This is no way to be an archeologist, fucking up,

could you imagine Indiana Jones fucking up a there? Lose all your credibility. Andy, you're not doing their right. Shut up, short round, you don't know. Their ancestors, we had to find their gender again. We had to find their over their gender, but we can't say male or female. We have to write what we would assume would be the gender of this person. Oh my god.

So you're guessing? No, they have to write the words, we assume this person's gender would be male. Instead of gender male, they have to write some... We assume. Yeah. Also, we can only... Can the bones be gendered? can the bones be gendered? Can the bones be gendered?

Well yeah, because like, the human mind is, I mean, obviously, ungendered, right? The human mind could be whatever. Tabula rasa. But the bones are, your bones are gendered! Yes. Yeah. They're not animate, they're not real. When your fingernails, when you chew them, the fingernail is gender, right?

Yeah. Is it? I think once it takes a life of its own. Yes. Yeah. I think that the bones, the bones can't identify, so they can't be gendered. Right. Didn't, didn't Diogenes already figure this out? I think he did. If you want to know my gender, just ask my corpse and it will tell you how your corpse is going to identify as male or female. Exactly.

We had to find their gender but we can't say. Also we can only exam bones. This sounds like a fucking child wrote this. Also we can only exam bones found by female archaeologists because the teacher thinks like males control all professions so we only look at female studies I don't know what's worse the content or the spelling you can only look at archaeology that women have discovered from now on. Okay.

I think we've had enough here. All right, man. So you can be like a really, you can get kicked out of archaeology class by it's calling a skeleton neuron. That's insane. I knew it was in the game industry, this kind of like push, but I didn't know it was really in all these other professions as well. Yeah.

The scientific ones? Yeah. These bones seem like they would have been from a woman, but we can't be sure. All right. Just put them back in the ground until like someone who's not a total asshole can take them out of the ground Like we're not ready. We're not we can't do bones right now because we're too busy working on the brain right now Why do they need why do they need the gender? I get the sex like if it's a male or female you can see that Yeah, but it's not like it's applying to college. You don't need to have all of its like little it doesn't need like some diversity points

dead Doesn't need to get into college exactly this skeleton doesn't need like, sub-diversity points. Yeah, the one- It's dead. It doesn't need to get into college, exactly. This skeleton doesn't need to get into college. So it really, it doesn't matter what we could, black, white, you know, male, female, doesn't fucking matter. How's this skeleton identi- It has no fucking brain.

No, no. Oh God. Hey, Dick, congrats on the come town shoutout. Oh, yeah, this is this was cool. You know destiny I do know destiny not personally He's a cool guy. He does like butt plugs and stuff and doesn't afraid of anybody. He's a modern man Yeah, he's gone for it. He's on the grid. He's doing Roy off the grid. I respect getting fully into the archetype of it. I respect it. And he's telling like everybody about the butt plug shit and he doesn't care.

Well, he doesn't afraid of anything. Yeah. Yeah, he just wants that butt plug in, man. All right, let's see here. He went on this guy Adam Friedland's show and to argue about stuff. And then Adam Friedland gives me a shout out. I like hearing about myself, so let's hear how this goes. I'm just like seeing things like this. I don't know, so I started listening to, do you know Sargon of Akadas?

He's one of the guys you've debated. Yeah, but I'm starting to listen to conversation with him and John Trinone. I'm like, holy shit, he's like programming this guy. Does he wear a cape? It sounds like he wears a cape. Yeah, but I'm starting to listen to conversation with him and John Trent. I'm like, holy shit. He's like programming this guy. Does he wear a cape? It sounds like he wears a cape. No, I don't think so. You've debated Fed Meister.

Fed Meister. I don't think we ever debated, but he's a guy. Esports Batman. That's like, these are people in my community. Yeah. Where are you getting these names from? Ice Poseidon. Oh my god, I feel like a...

All the stars are here. Ice Pisco. Naked Ape. Norm MacDonald reference, I got it. Who is Naked Ape here. I, Pisco. Naked ape. Norm MacDonald reference. Who is naked ape? I got it. Crazy people online, yeah. Who is naked ape? He's a crazy guy. Actual Jake.

But you both... I don't know who that... I don't know who a lot of these people are. Like, I've heard of these. I'm pretty sure you debated actual... These are like people I've tweeted out before, maybe. Bob Seven. Yeah, that's a guy, yeah.

Dick Masterson. Is that his Christian name? I'm not sure. Sounds like a porn star. It does, actually. Looks like one a little bit. Seventies style porn star, yeah. My god, I feel like, Christian name? I'm not sure sounds like a porn star. It does actually Mustache Your dad is fucking someone yeah, don't be like me dad look like a 70s porn star my dad did

Yes, that's awesome man, huh My dad did. Yes! That's awesome, man. Great shout out. And that was it, yeah. Great shout out. Looks like a porn star, okay. Jake says, not only are those videos about Disney rash real,

but every time I see one of these people around, it gets grosser. It's like a dry, helic, white, purple, red mess that looks like if I scrape it. I'll get purple parm What enough I don't know this slang purple parm. Do you know that is that a weed? It sounds like purple parmesan. Yeah, Jesus parmesan fuck. It's everywhere Dude daughter is perform. My daughter is performing at Disney So I got a week down there and it's been roller coasters and fat watch

Oh, he's saying that though. Have you seen the plus-size park hoppers? No, they like go they're like they range from size 2 XL to 6 XL and all the 2 X's are never they don't really they're camera shy I guess okay And they go around Disneyland and like figure out what booths can fit them as a public service and like what rides top like can You know so they're very high and mighty about it, too They're coming in like they're given education good. Yeah, they're like the dumb one. No, that's not good You think it would be you think that would be the one for him, but no And they have this thing called Disney rash where their legs break out in hives

Because of the walking because they walk to walk from ride to ride It's crazy, right? OK. Foxy says, woman alert. All right. Woman alert. Got to be on the top of these. Woman alert.

Top of these broads? Let's see here. Women are getting sterilized after Donald Trump's victory. That's the only option. Wow. It's not a procedure you'd expect a 28-year-old to be planning, but for Lydia Echols of Texas having her fallopian tubes removed is the price she's willing to pay to ensure her reproductive rights. Huh. Newsweek spoke to five women who

have either undergone sterilization procedures or planned to in the wake of President-elect Donald Trump's victory on November 5th They're expressed fear their reproductive choices will be taken from them under Trump's administration If I'm to be denied any rights in the next four more years, I will not give them up without a fight Okay, I mean you could have done this at any time Or just move to California I feel like it's better's better than like abortions always gonna be legal here. Yeah, you know permanently doing it. That's too far. That's a little she's probably you know call it off at the last minute. Yeah Yeah, she finds the right guy. Do we have any of the weights of these people involved?

I don't know Johnny. That's a great question. You always gotta follow the fat, you know? Follow the money and business matters and you follow the fatness and matters and women issues. Cause I guarantee all five of these women are obese. That is a Sean Levels thing if I have ever heard one! Bro, I'm back. Follow the fat! I am fucking back.

I'm gonna put that shit on a fucking t-shirt. Please do. Follow the fat trails. Follow the breadcrumb trails, Jesus. I'm gonna put that shit on a fucking t-shirt. He's doing Breadcrumb trails Jesus Follow the whalo brick road. Oh, no, it doesn't have I thought this might have pictures of them, but it doesn't They're all skinny I mean it She's young enough to have kids. I don't know about that. I guess I'm one to talk, but I'm choosing me. Oh, she's too skinny to be to be this.

She's too skinny, but not hot enough to be this crazy. I have bad news for you, darling. Uh, yeah. This is what a porn star looks like. Like, they're always saying like porn ruins men's of women, but they really aren't attractive. I mean, am I alone in that? I think it's the other way around. I think that the ladies are coming in there and it's getting a little too competitive in terms of what to look like. And then folks come in and are trying to to- I'm just like thinking to myself.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yeah, what are you saying? Oh, the sabotage that happens between the two of us. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think so too. Okay, Jesszilla says, on the cops only giving the crazy dead subway dancer chest compressions when performing CPR.

They're talking about the penny guy who, the cops came in and they didn't revive that that that's what I Read I read he wasn't dead when the came on the scene. Yeah, they showed up They're like well, we'll do chest stuff, but we're not gonna put our mouths on that guy. It's gross Years ago. I briefly worse worked at a as a counselor at a mental institution We were required to become certified for basic aid and CPR We were told that if we needed to perform CPR in a patient, that we were only required to do chest compressions,

but we needed to prove that we could do both steps to pass. I think it was the company trying to prevent a lawsuit from the employees because of the cases of mono and other illnesses that could be passed through saline. Okay, so that's standard practice, I guess, with undesirables. Okay, let's see here. Jack Rockstar says, do you have Johnny's email address?

I want to send him some preamp questions. Oh, go to johnnymorgan.net slash contact. And I have a special dropdown box for the TDS complaint department. But now I will make one for microphone corner cause that's a genuinely fucking email for once. Johnny Morgan.net, you sound like an imposter Fucking imposter would do that's right. Who's calm some asshole who wanted 15 grand for it?

That's how cheap I am. I'm like yeah have it then sit on it. Oh man You know how we were doing backed by oh, yeah, so We had back back dot by which is like Bulgarian, so it's all the, if you go to it it's like this is spam sites. It's like alright I gotta get backbuy.com. This guy was selling it and he was gonna do the exact same thing as us and I said hey I'm looking for somebody that wants that domain like how much? He's like oh yeah I'll sell it to you but as long as you're not doing the same thing as me. And I said I'm not. And then. Gotcha. Gotcha. Idiot. thing is me and I said I'm not I'll sell it to you for 300 bucks as long as you promise to not do what I'm what I'm gonna do I said I promise here's 300

bucks immediately point it's like oh yeah here, here you go. We did it. We did it. Yeah, I got a it'll be 15 grand and I just said eat shit Let me see Johnny Morgan dot-com Johnny. Oh, yeah Morgan dot-com who is this fucker? Oh It's just for sale. Oh, hey the price dropped. Oh, bro 1500 bucks less than Riley's bail that I paid who's gonna be the dick show fan That's gonna buy my actual website and put something shitty up instead Yeah, yeah, let's do a fundraiser

Johnny calm let's spend someone else's money on this Okay, Ryan says congrats on the baby or whatever word of advice keep the literal receipts for all the useless baby shit 80s girl will twist your arm into buying. She doesn't twist my arm, she just buys it. Some of the best moments of having my second kid have been pointing out to my wife all the worthless junk that we end up never using. I'll do my best. You are an idiot.

Stephen Martz says, hey, I don't typically waste time disagreeing with you, but your take on that CEO's murder was brain dead. Dogshit retarded. Some rich on uses a slur, fucks up some rich guy, fucks up his back doing a guy thing like surfing. And I'm supposed to empathize with his unrestrained entitlement and greed. Bro, health insurance companies are like evil. like surfing and I'm supposed to empathize with his unrestrained entitlement and greed. Bro, health insurance companies are like evil. Like they made an, they made, they used AI

to deny people medical care. It's like, that's something that Satan would do. Like that's something the literal devil would do. I made a, I made a demon that will turn down with no, totally dispassionately reject people's medical care that a doctor has prescribed to make them feel better about life. It's insane when we're better off doing like, Civil War techniques for getting health insurance. Just like, telling a tall tale. Yeah, lying to somebody to try and get some Kickstarter GoFundMe money in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is really crazy. Um... And as if that's not worse Okay, if you want to be happy that someone was murdered that is perfectly fine, I try do not think that's perfectly fine Dressing it up in moral condescension. However is even gayer than surfing since when is surfing gay It's a good way to stay in- it's hard. It's the hardest thing to do. Yeah, this guy really hates surfing.

He keeps bringing it up in his email. This guy drives by like Amber Crombie and Fitch Billboards and he's like UGH I HATE THIS COG OF EVIL! It was dumb. What you said was dumb and you should feel dumb for having said it. Seriously, when you start parroting Elizabeth Warren, you may want to more carefully consider your position or kill yourself.

Holy shit. Man. He's a good guy. Yeah, I guess this. He's looking out for you, I guess. He's a friend of that CEO, I guess. Hey, that's a banned word. He can't encourage suicide.

Man, yeah, I don't know. Well, they seem to be, they seem to have noticed. That's all. Attention's being brought to it. All I know is when Blue Cross emailed me about their new mental wellness portal, that it's open for me to log in and like read about my mental health and meditation, I thought I sure wish someone would do something about this. And then someone finally

did. I thought hey god this is exactly what I asked for. It took you long enough but man that's exactly what I was thinking. Huh we're waking up in the morning and I see in my email hey log into our mental wellness portal reminding me that I'm paying $800 or whatever it is a month first of all I don't like to remind her. Yeah, secondly I Know that reading a pamphlet is not but gonna help me no no Computer more yeah the thing that's making you sad. Let's get deeper into that Yeah, go ahead and log in and read about mindfulness. nah, I really wish someone would do something about this, but I don't have any power.

I'm just me, a guy. They're trying to make a therapy in the metaverse. That's what they're doing. They're setting up that virtual world you can step into. Yeah, let all your cares go away. Yeah, I do think that AI therapists would help people. They already are. Yeah.

I think that the big problem with some therapists is that it's their job. They've got to stick it out. Yeah. Getting an AI think that the big problem with some therapists is that it's their job. They gotta stick it out. Yeah. Getting an AI therapist, I feel like you more accurately like point to what's going on. Yeah, it doesn't get tired. No. It's like just, you can message it all day. Yeah, I really feel like, when I think of therapists, like, nah, I don't want to, nah, I have no interest in someone like pretending to care about. Yeah, I think that's the big thing. Issues. But a computer, I think that's the big thing issues, but a computer I do I would trust you that

Okay, Jonathan Burch. Yeah something about Ukraine Into the trash that way Dominic's is the most emotional show in podcast history Yes, my best friend and audio engineer left the show two weeks ago after ten years friend and audio engineer left the show two weeks ago after 10 years podcasting it was every every time right you guys were together every week and now there's that kind of gap yeah I texted him I texted he we were talking about the the audio setup last week because it bounced a little low and he goes maybe I could come over and and like take a look at the template and I said I'm not ready

for that like I he can't come back that's like when your ex like wants to come pick up stuff and you're like you can't come pick it up yet because I'm gonna it's gonna be too much for me. Got to keep it in storage for four years. Yeah, but I said the next next couple days I texted Sean and I said you know that that hand steak doneness trick you showed me? It's the best way to because I did it that night and I made the most perfect steak ever. Have you ever, do you know this trick?

Yeah, yeah. Like the tender, the rare, the well done. Yeah, that's rare. You do that and then touch your, the meat of your hand and touch steak and that's like medium and that's well or something like that. Yeah, yeah. I just did that and I'm like, and it was perfect. And he said, yeah, that's good.

That's good. And I'm like, and my thought was like, man, can we have this conversation on the show? Wouldn't that? Okay. Advice and then we'll do, we'll do voicemails and we'll get out of here. Thank you so much for both of you.

I'm enjoying it. Yeah, thank you for having me. Advice, hey Dick, I'm the 33 year old trash, white trash lonely guy from last week. I didn't realize how badly I fucked up my email until I heard you reading it. But thanks for trying to help despite that. Just to clear up the confusion, I would have liked to have met someone when I was younger, but I always thought it would happen eventually.

When it didn't, I just stopped trying or caring. But my question is, do you think at a certain point in life you have to just fake it and settle before you get too old? Also I'm not actually white trash, only a little trashy compared to my dad's rich new family. You remember this guy Johnny? Oh do I? And sadly I'm 90% sure I'm not gay despite all the evidence.

Johnny thought this guy was gay. Sorry again for the fuck up, but also go fuck yourself. I don't know, what do you think about this? About Saddlin? Yeah, yeah. I think you want to be on the colder end of things in a relationship. I think that when you're head over.

What does that mean? A little bit able to be detached and removed and to not be head over heels so much. This might come off as a anti-romantic take, but I think when folks, fellas I should say, get to... They get Disney-fied almost. Yeah. They want to romance.

They want to romance, they want to play that game, and that only serves to really push the smothering them, push them away from them. And I think that you want to be in a situation where you can approach it a little colder. Yeah. Enjoy the joy that they bring to the relationship and being part of it. Let them be that role.

And you're just kind of there to just witness. Recording, I think a little bit. It's still recording. It does that skip thing. Remember? It just did that fucking skip thing. What a piece of- Yeah, that's interesting.

Um, what do you think? The head over to, yeah, Getting into the Disney 5 version? I think pursuing a relationship takes a lot of work. I've seen Cernovich say you should approach it like a part-time job and put like 20 hours of work. It's a business. And you do have to do something to make your resume stand out. Yeah, you do. That's the other thing, if you're not getting hired, yeah? Whose fault is that?

Yeah, whose fault is that? You gotta like, but it's easier to lie about, like it's easier to lie about playing the guitar than to actually learn how to play the guitar. So that's, you know? That crops up later though, right? They'll figure out eventually if you're coming in saying you could do surgery and all of a sudden you got a patient on the table, you gotta, somebody's gotta play the guitar! Why this guy's gonna die? Like, oh, you know, like the marine biologist. and then saying you could do surgery and all of a sudden you got a patient on the table. Somebody's gotta play the guitar!

This guy's gonna die, like, oh, you know, like the marine biologist. I think sometimes when people write in and they say they stopped caring, they didn't, they're kind of fooling themselves. So maybe there is, so the first way to fix a lot of this stuff is stop lying to your, lie to women, you know? Don't lie to yourself.

That's... What do you mean by that? Don, you know, don't lie to yourself. That's Don't tell yourself you don't care like you obviously you care Yeah, let's go with that that you do he wrote two emails about it. He cares, you know exactly And then work from work from there and you do have to approach it You have to put a lot of work into it guys are lied to By saying that like this will just happen and there's gonna be a meet cute where you're chasing someone's dog you're watching and then you accidentally meet the love of your life

and then her family's zany. This shit's all retarded. You have to have a world that you can bring people into. I've discovered, right? Because when you're coming off and you're like, let me into your world, let me into your world. Yeah. And the lady's like, whoa, what the hell? have to have the thing my world at IKEA. There's no world here I was sold to me by Charlie XCX. Yeah

Having that world built where you have your own life I think that's a healthier pursuit Anyways to focus on that rather than focus on like trying to find the lady and then when you do have those things built Your citadel rises, right? Everyone can see that. And all of a sudden, the role's reversed, right? People are trying to come in. You're the one who's scheduling people into your lives.

Like, do I wanna have this person come in and upset the balance of my world? Yeah, yeah, that's kinda how we met, you know? It wasn't like, it was like, just me doing things that were not obsessing with romance. Ladies are, they're betting on the horses. They're betting on the horses. And some of them are coming in, they go like, this one's got spunk, I can see it winning.

But most of them, they just want to come in and go like, where is a good investment of my time here? This business is already pre-established. Right, that's why they're so bad with money, because they're thinking about investing their time. Classic hip-hop philosophy states Get your money up not your funny up. Oh Okay. Mm-hmm. Yeah Yeah, work on I don't know work on your don't don't lie to yourself. Why the girls? Yeah Okay, there we go. I think that's I think that's about it for today that max. Thanks for coming in Johnny obvious

Thanks for calling in this been the dick show. I'm here remotely today. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. Thank thanks for coming in. Johnny, obviously thanks for calling in. This has been the Dick Show. Yeah, I'm here remotely today. Yeah, I'm sorry. Thank you for coming in. Let me see if anybody's got any comments here. Johnny Rocket. Oh, yeah, Johnny Rockets a real funny guy. Get Hell-a-Fint. I don't know if that's closed yet. Fanboy your father's Mexican and he's never taught you the hand trick when grilling. No, my dad my dad waits for me to fuck up before he tells me. My dad's opposite of your dad. No rules exist. If you're not breaking rules, then you're messing up somehow. His dad is the gotcha dad. He lies and wait for you to like move. Yeah. And then he pops out of a trash can. Like he's been following me for years

secretly just waiting for fuck I'm like oh, oh, oh here comes it No, he saw the thing that was on top yeah Always there he saw that he saw the bag of stuff that's on top of his car damn it All right, I gotta follow him home. Let's see. Oh you went inside without taking the trash. Oh, no I got the trash in right he's waiting for us to get off this show Oh, you went inside without taking the trash in. Oh no, I got the trash in, right. He's waiting for us to get off this show.

Yeah, meanwhile he's doing, he actually, I know that he hates the crypto stuff cause he knows that I'm doing like, like scammy shit on it. And he's like, ah, that's fucking scamming it. He doesn't understand it. He's like, that stuff's bullshit. I'm like, oh yeah?

Yeah, cause people are making tons of money. You don't know how to do it, huh? People are scamming all over the place. And it's like a fucking whole world of scams that you're totally blocked out of for being a dick. He's morally right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's like, oh, you know, it's like Tulips. Like Tulips. Like, oh yeah, it's Tulips. I saw, you know,

Jim Cramer saying that. Did you watch Jim Cramer last week? No? He's watching Jim Cramer. He is. He says, my dad is Jim Cramer's entire audience. He's the only man in the world watching Jim Cramer unironically. He's got one eye on you and one eye on Jim Kramer. Yeah. He's just waiting. He's got two phones. One's for Jim Kramer's stuff and one's for me. One's for everything else.

Okay. This has been the Dick Show everybody. Page.com slash The Dick Show. Dick.show. And then check out value select on YouTube. Go leave, and Patreon. What were you gonna say? I wanted to shout out Gut, too,

one of your blessed fans. You have such an incredible community. It's insane. They're wonderful. When I looked at that stream last night that did those numbers on Twitter, because I'm banned from, I've been banned forever for like 10 years, you know?

I was like, it's really the, it would be great if I got unleashed on these platforms like on if Elon built a YouTube competitor and I got to like actually be actually do stuff that would be fucking great but it's really thanks to the fans who've supported me for 10 years that I even am allowed to exist at all which is really I was looking at like you mean it would just be great but it's really it's just really the fans who've stuck around for everything for ten years who've made even this amount Possible and this amount is a lot. So thank you all. All right, let's do some voicemails after this after this song

That has a is nothing unnecessary intro Very intro. Ready. When your crush cheats. Okay, let's play that. Presenting! Look at this guy. How handsome are you? Jesus! You don't look that good in person. There's a little bit of wizardry in that one. Like fucking Merlin. Little bit of... Gandalf was a little bit of a wizard, right?

Look at this. Oh man. You're opening a big I was prepared to really not like you because of how handsome you were but then I think I saw you and I'm like oh okay he's like a normal guy that's fine thank you all right let's uh let's find some voicemails. Okay. Hey, Dick. Hey, Johnny. You know, it makes me rage is that little, um, I don't know if it's a platitude, but that thing people say when they're talking about something shitty that they're doing and they're just like, God, yeah, I know. I just, I feel bad, but yeah, but it's like, you know Oh, yeah, and I just I feel so bad that I have to fucking just run over Palestinian children

But like you know, they're in front of my tank. I just you know, I feel so bad. Oh, yeah You know like fucking no, no, you don't or if you do fucking Walking down the road at night and for two fucking FedEx trucks Fuck, fucking walking down the road at night in a fucking FedEx truck. If you do feel bad, then feel worse. Stop doing it. You need to feel worse and then change your behavior or just fucking embrace it and stop feeling bad.

Yes! Stop burdening me with this shit. I'm not a fucking priest. Go tell somebody else that you feel bad. No, but I'm kind of innocent though because I feel bad about it. You can't like... You're not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! That doesn't make...

That doesn't make what you did better! Just braggers. Ah, yeah, no, I hate that shit. Go fuck yourselves. Yes, you're bragging about it! Oh, I did the bad thing, and I also feel really bad. I just feel so bad about it. No, you don't.

Uhhhh... Okay. Let's see here. Oh, hey Hey Jake. I don't know. Long time ago. All right. I'm trying to talk. The words don't come out.

And the terms are. Depressing. Man. Outlines, making outlines. The silence. Depressing man outlines making out one Silence I just can't do anything right you fucked another thing up again feel a little defeated after hearing that You got to get it together. They're gonna air out of my sail come on Okay, mighty men

Yeah, just so you guys know when that pastor sent him and his wife were co pastors That means she's the pastor like that's a pretty common thing Where the woman will actually be the pastor and the man will just kind of be like Immaculated and then the other thing about that is the mighty men is like a reference It's an old testament reference to a group of like warriors that King David had. It wasn't like guys who worked out or whatever. They were like killers. So I don't really know if that's what the church is training, is like people are gonna go up there and I don't know like, wax the EOs. That's not really what the Mighty Men were. They weren't a bunch of dudes working out together.

Uh, sounds like they were though. They may have been. We watched this church called the Mighty Men. Okay. Where there was like a guy dressed up like a biker was the Reverend. And all the congregation was like muscle men doing push ups and shit. Oh no! What's their message? What are they trying to say?

I don't know. Okay. We didn't... It was like a regular church building too But they were just doing push-ups in the aisles and stuff weren't they so like an empty seats. Yeah, really weird Okay, here's an anti-vita voicemail hey Johnny, I'm just calling to let you know That it's amazing that you are being brought into the fold after Sean's tearful departure This this is a this is a dynasty that I think you are

worthy of inheriting follow the sad on dynasty is not Something light to step into I'm on your fucking side. I love having you on board Appreciate you match Sean in certain ways you got the every man the straight man kind of thing the dick's more wacky retarded approach Explain what he brings in. So I'm already liking this. I already liked you before. Other than that, I have to also commend you for calling out that fucking moist, congealed bag of shit.

Yes. Fucking. For trying to encroach upon the dynasty he has no fucking business. Small law, bit spiking. I cannot believe his reaction to Sean leaving. Entitlement. He didn't even have a moment, a single moment of silence, so to

speak. He didn't give a fuck. He basically just implied that he was practically overqualified. The show was still warm. The show was still warm. A double dose of that fat piece

of shit no this guy gets it I left another message on the other show saying how about that asshole fucking loses some fucking weight and puts his comic book out oh yeah to give some reasons why he thinks he should even fucking even think about stepping into Shawn's shoes but fuck that I don't even believe that anymore you're doing a great job thank you this is a good voicemail about stepping into Shawn's shoes, but fuck that. I don't even believe that anymore. You're doing a great job. Thank you.

Yes, this is a good voicemail. This is a good... There's no need to sign in now. It's inspiring. It's Rachel. You're doing a great job. Fuck Vito. Yes, fuck Vito.

I literally have a whole discography and he has nothing to his name. Motherfucker. Okay, well, thank you for the call. Let's see, how about... Oh, I could always go for more trans shit. That's always a good topic. Hey Dick, I don't care, you know, no qualifications about it being gay. Just congratulations, fucker.

Listen, I'm gonna settle the fucking like, trans shit. That counts as a qualification. People are congratulating me on, um, giving me my girlfriend pregnant. And then, uh, but they're but they're not saying that it's not gay. I noticed, because it is gay, so they have to say, this isn't gay. Congratulations on the pregnancy, and I just want to let you know that it's not gay. So the longer that the preamble is, and the disclaimer is, the more congratulatory your feelings are. That's how I know.

I know you're serious because you're making sure that I know it's not gay. Just congratulate- It's the fight to get it out. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You got to- First of all, he's lying because that's obviously a little bit of a disclaimer because he acknowledges that it is gay and he's not going to put a disclaimer.

So you've already- Right off the bat, yeah. You've already violated the premise of just letting you know Wait what this guy is Say that's true. You're still talking about like holding back kind of development like around their peers culturally like if you just say you do if you could just magically freeze like basically from like 13 to 17 Then they don't start puberty until like 17 plus it's like well That's four years that everyone around you that you grew up with went through their puberty You know that's 40 or more years later that you're going to be fucking figuring this shit out and finishing your puberty

What are you gonna? Be like 26 or something No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you don't, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no runs out. Yeah, and then there's no more Blocking necessary. There's no more running backs or whatever. I need Carl to make a football reference, but that's that's it came over You're still like it's that much developmental time and we have so much time to learn and to grow but everything Yeah, they're holding any of that development by XYZ amount even if the any of that development by XYZ amount, even if the physiological and biological effects are like nothing, it's like from your brain, the way you absorb culture and the way you grow,

you know, to be in society, it's totally gonna be affected. Tag on, go fuck yourself. Tag on, yeah, okay. Oh, this is an anti-Johnny one, do you wanna hear that? Yeah. Yeah. Johnny, shut the fuck up, God damn you, Oh, this is an anti-Johnny one. Do you want to hear that? Yeah! Hahaha! Johnny, shut the fuck up! God damn you suck at this!

He's not wrong. Hahaha! You're doing talk over him the whole time now? Hahaha! You want to respond? No, that was short and sweet and he was totally right. I tried to shut the fuck up more in this episode. You were fantastic.

I tried to use a lot more less f-words Look every was an emotional time for everyone was coming after my crown last week I'd veto coming after my shit at Jack Antonov coming after it's so much bullshit tired of it So I'm just tired of it. Uh Is it a gay drink? Okay last one? Yes drink a man drinks is vodka cranberries? Thanks.

Uh, well, it's gay because you are gay. I know all of you motherfuckers are gay. I know. So, yes. It's not gay on its own, but because you are a gay man drinking it, and I know that you are all gay, and that the most gayest thing you could do in response to that is say that you're not gay. Is drink vodka cranberries in fucking 2024? If you were straight, you could get fucked up the ass and it's not gay, but you're gay. So doing anything, including drinking a drink that's vodka cran is in fact gay do you agree with that I think you bring the energy to the object yeah it becomes gay it's like the skeleton right is it a man or

woman skeleton I mean I don't know fucking skeleton to drink what was it when you were holding it gay all right let me let's listen to this when you're crushed cheese and let's get out of here boys actual literal banger I'm at the pier all alone, where we got to meet a week ago. Took the telephone, nobody rang. Got to sing a hungry ring, but then you never came. The beam changed. It's crossing out to your place. I'm walking towards you, and you're in front of me.

The door just turned left. Watch your apartment. Beep, beep. Oh, that's strange. I'll use the gate that you copied from me. No, and I can't believe it. What I'm seeing is growing on the scene. My son, counterfeit dementia.

I'm a catch-all. I'll ship the ships he takes now. Girl, I can guarantee my heart, what I'm seeing It's growing on the scene When my son counterfeit the momentum and the defeat I can't just stop and shift the shapes he takes now Girl, I can guarantee my heart is gonna break I can't believe it, what I saw is true That means our love is true And also demons are real And what can handle that?

Can we turn back time to the time when I didn't know the demons were real I can't believe it, my heart can't conceive it Night, my, my heart can't conceive it Knock, knock, in the cliché way What I can't, a heart race Oh, oh's catching feelings But that's just a demon trap An in-close-knit snap But what you're going to see Is a fake!

I can't do it anymore I'm a thing that's A lie that I know I can't believe it My mind, I can't conceive it Not in the cliché way But I can't believe it My mind, I can't conceive it Not in the cliché way What I give a hard reset Yeah

Ah, dude, you know the Mario song? Save Me Mario? No, I don't know this one. Save Me Mario, I Can't Help You, No, No, No, The Princess Is Alone Oh, I know that guy, yeah. You know that guy? I know him, I helped him set up his green screen. Yeah. Please come back so we can talk about this. Oh, I would love fucking okay

We should have you should get him on the show. Maybe I would I mean I know I have a lot her up He's one of you know the name he's a very famous man in this house he's got too hot. He's very talented Yeah, God, it's great. He sings all the things to the little talk next. Yeah, okay. All right. Goodbye everybody later He sings all the things. We'll talk next time. Okay. Alright. Goodbye everybody. Later. Okay, let me make sure everything's shut down.