The Dick Show - Episode 451 - Dick on The Horse is Fine

Episode Date: March 3, 2025

My life is reduced by two weeks, a prison for your bed, a fat woman nearly breaks a horse (but the horse is fine), reparations for crypto bros, a look into the fourth Reich of the Gaza strip, the Sh*tgularity, a listener writes in about autism, an all-woman space launch, the NSA trans chats and a James Bond for the modern age, an IRS agent needs to change his smoke alarm battery, and more trucker stories; all that and more this week on The Dick Show! 

We need to go back in time To the before that's a keeper days. I texted Sean about that you did I was like hey I didn't know you have the same housekeeper dick does and he goes. Oh, yeah, she's so I got it I was like well, you're never gonna believe this you're never gonna believe what I just said to her What did he say back it was he said something really funny back that motherfucker? I've been trying to hang out with him for three months. Oh, that's the last thing he wants. I'm out He goes escaped. He goes ha ha ha ha ha God. That's funny Oh, thank goodness you're here, and he goes holy shit. That's like a comedian set up for a joke. Yes

Yes. Uhh... Let me get into costume here. Oh yeah, get ready. Is that working? Yeah, that's working. Okay, good. People might not know it's me if I... Or that I'm at least supposed to be Sean if it's not this. Um... I can never be Sean. It's not that I...

It's not that I even have the stones to attempt something. You know, he's from a bygone era. You don't want to be him. He's the last of the silent generation. He's the last of the silent generation, yeah. He's the youngest silent man. You can't be him. It would be inappropriate to be him in this time period

that we're in right now, in this era. It'd be like reviving Laurel and Hardy comedy. Just wouldn't be funny. Yeah. It'd be cringe, even if it was pitch perfect. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Now I get to be cringing my own right. Hey, you gotta be cringe on purpose, man.

That's cool. It's actually not cool to be ironic. Yeah. Yeah, just be awful. This smell shit is driving me crazy. Yeah, if you see me- I'm gonna have to throw this whole thing away. Yeah, if you see me like this all'm gonna have to throw this whole thing away.

Yeah, if you see me like this all episode, it's because I'm trying to smell this coffee. Do you want some, uh, what do they give, uh, morticians? That mint stuff? Do you want some of that for your nose? Oh! That they have around dead bodies? Nah. To help you with the smell? Give me the dead body smell.

Give me that dead body smell? Yeah. Is that gray? It'll help you build up some steam, you know? They're asking, looking forward to this one? Oh yeah, let me join the Discord. I have this insane eye twitch thing going on, you know? Still spending money, huh?

Still spending money. And my girlfriend says, why don't you put a patch on it? Why don't you try wearing an eye patch? And I thought, and I said, that's so dumb. Why would, come on, what do you know about like alloys and you know, science and medicine? How would putting, how would covering my eye stop it from twitching?

And I did it in the car and I go, holy shit, it totally worked. So now I'm half tempted to walk around all day with one of my many eye patches on, my medical props. You have to put a different one on each time you leave the room. Every day? Yeah, so they can't track me.

They're a different guy in here with an eye patch? I knew it. Ah. So if anybody has any tips on the eyepatch situation Let me know well Then you have to see the thing is is if you did you already fuck up and tell her that it worked Yeah, I exactly what I said as I said it is how I said it to her in the car See you should have kept that you should have had that you missed that half step where you could have been like that's stupid That's stupid and then all day would secretly do it exactly Paint like an eyepatch like my eyes. I don't have been like that's stupid stupid and all they secretly do it exactly

Paint like an eye patch like my eyes. I don't have to admit that she was right You gotta start using red lights all around the house Is that the issue? Like a sailing thing they use red lights is like the lowest frequency. Oh, yeah, why do they do that? Yeah, well, it's supposed to be the lowest visible frequency Like a dark room has a little red light in there sometimes? Yeah, so then it allows you to go from that to, I think that to complete darkness or that to light. To light easier?

One of the two, yeah. How do fat women use red? Do they like to having sex with red light on? Well it's to hide all the ketchup and barbecue stains. You want the black light or the red light? Take the red light please. The black light's a little too noisy for me. Too much. Too much info in that one.

I'll take the red light, please, and thank you, ma'am. Which everyone doesn't chirp in my ceiling. Oh, I got a good chirp. I got a good chirp clip today. I don't know if it's real. Oh. Ah. I don't know if it's real. Um... Are we getting a chirp stinger at some point? That's too much. Is it just a chirp? Here we go with chirp news.

And it's got a random, I wait for it to deploy it. Yeah. A little applet, you know. Here's some JavaScript every one to 20 seconds randomly, you know. We gotta help these guys out. We need step ladders for, maybe if we go to the inner city schools and give them step ladders and say, take them home,

figure out what, let somebody figure out what to do with this. Give them step fathers. Step fathers and step ladders. Step ladders for step fathers, that's my program. Stepping on up, you know. Stepping on up. Step ladders for stepfathers

Preparing you for success step ladders from stepfathers step ladders from stepfathers. Someone's got knock knock I am your stepfather. Here's a step bladder. Exactly. Why don't you deal with that chirp so you don't Blow your brains out. So you're somebody's brains out. I'm stepfather. Yeah We had a bonus episode Fantastic bonus episode maybe it's one of my favorites I hate to I hate to color people's expectations like that but it's one of my favorites that I've ever done it's such a great start off with a bang you know did it what oh yeah when you really embarrassed yourself with the cleaning lady god I didn't know she was Sean's cleaning lady too. That's what makes it worse.

Yeah. Here Sean, let me disappoint you from afar. That's like when a star dies and you don't see that until however- Until it's far- Yeah. Been far gone forever. Sean's gonna get residual just like I can't believe this fucking guy still. He said what? Johnny said what? Then he tried to play it off. Oof. still he said what Johnny said what and he tried to play it off oh it happened happened millions of years ago like Beetlejuice and now she's gonna clean my house knowing that I'm associated with this asshole you gotta come out or I hate that guy say oh he's always saying stuff like that you brought the Indiana Jones Chronicles cards today that'll be fun, even some golden eye cards, too. Probably. Great. Okay, let's start the show.

Presenting Nick! Who I got here? I got some good stuff today, I think. Awesome. I think we can escape this stench of this AC unit. Hey, yeah! Welcome to Nick! You want to take a Nick? You love Nick? You got it! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA a black is Johnny the audio engineer. I almost said it again. Johnny the idiot engineer. I kind of prefer it. It's more appropriate.

Oh man. I've got bad news. I was gonna do a- Bad news? Oh, I get hit only with bad news. Oh. Bad news after bad news. What's that?

Did I tell you about great news? What do you got great news? What's that? No, so what great news is- Like greatly bad? You just go, hey, great news, and everyone goes, yeah what? And then you tell them bad news. Everyone wants to hear great news.

Yeah, if you say bad news, no one's gonna listen to you. If you say great news. No, great news, and then you hit them with something bad. Everyone wants to hear what you have to say. Great news, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do the Carl, the WATP Dick Show live show. I was really, I was really looking forward to this. So Carl hits me up and he goes,

well, what about in August? And I said, well, the baby's due date is August 15th. So maybe I could squeeze one in. Like I don't wanna be that guy, except I am that guy. Maybe I could squeeze one in, you know, she's gonna be 39 weeks pregnant or whatever. Maybe I could squeeze a little show in, you know, she's gonna be 39 weeks pregnant or whatever. Maybe I could squeeze a little show in, you know, honey, I gotta go. I have to go drinking with Carl and a hundred other guys this weekend.

It's for the baby. It's for the bit, too. It's for the bit. It's my livelihood, right? What if these bits were my livelihood? So then the doctor goes, well, your baby's a lot bigger than we thought. Maybe it's going to be born in like August 5th.

I was like, oh, man, OK. Carl, I got to move this thing out. He's like, I don't know. This is conflicting with another, but we'll see what we can do. For you, we'll see what you can do. Because after you have the kid, you're basically dead. I mean, I presume that's how it's going to go.

But I don't know. I've never had a child before, so I'm just guessing. So this most recent week, I go back to the doc and my girlfriend, my fiance says, by the way, I had this fibroid surgery a long, long time ago. It's just this really weird condition where you get these little growth things and they have to be removed.

But it's like basically a C-section. The doctor goes, what? You had what? She goes, why are the surgery I just told you about? And he goes, oh, we gotta get that baby out early then. And she goes, what do you mean? We're like, what do you mean? And he goes, well, that means I should take it out

in like the middle of July. And we're like, oh, okay. But in my mind, I'm like, what do you mean? And he goes, well, that means I should take it out in like the middle of the July. And we're like, oh, okay. But in my mind, I'm like, uh, you just cut, that kind of just cut off like two weeks of my life. That was like, you just moved my execution date up because I'm excited and all, but I kind of needed the whole summer to plan for this. Atom bomb, dropping out of my wife

and falling into my life and blowing up. I don't know if I, Doc, I mean, all of the plans that I had to do were all imaginary, you know? Like all these things that I had to do that I was procrastinating doing before the baby gets here. And you just lopped off a lot of time. You lopped off the time that I was gonna do it all. In the last two weeks, when all the procrastinating was over,

and I was actually gonna start doing things, you just took those last two weeks from me. I don't know if there's like a support group I can go, congratulations, you're gonna be a dad early, way earlier than you thought, but this is, the two weeks, the two weeks is way more Way more devastating to me than any any the rest of this is way more life-changing to me than the 40 weeks was in The first place I need those two weeks back I need my carl back

Yeah, that's like if someone took like a band saw and sliced off the thinnest possible part of it very tippy your nose It's just like I don't want to look atnest possible part of the very tip of your nose. It's just like... Yeah, that's exactly... I don't want to look at this for the rest of the time, no! Two weeks! I need those two weeks! That sting of like, oh it was almost perfect. Almost got away with it. I almost had the whole summer.

Now you're telling me it's... It was the meddling kid. I don't have... I had 20 weeks! Everything fit just perfectly into 20 weeks. They're telling me I'm 18 Fuck man You're gonna hate July oh yeah, oh it's your birthday already fuck yeah Stupid me. I thought your birthday was in August

Thanks for fucking up my summer you asshole exactly July that's white hit that's white history month. Don't you know anything doc you're taking it out You're taking this thing out this family has a huge problem with the name July around here And you're gonna be born in it. You're gonna be born. I'm gonna have a July baby. Oh, no is he a detractor? Yeah, I hope so Well, he does he should know what it is. He know how to name things No, Eric made a video this week called the rip-a-verse sucks That's cool, okay, I've been saying

Yeah His first honest video, yeah. Hey man, people can change. Nasty woman. Binder's full of them. It's my net. Yeah, the rip-a-verse sucks. Oh, okay. And you're illiterate. Do a video that says, I'm illiterate. It worked for Primus, but not- Exactly! That's exactly what I thought, is you're not Primus, bro. I don't know what you're thinking.

Primus sucks. His system of a down cover was totally awesome. Whose was that, Primas? Eric's, yeah. Oh, I didn't see that. Is that that video everyone was sending around? Okay, let's watch that later. It landed on my desk in my stack of papers and I went oh good. Two weeks! Two weeks is a long time, Doc! Man. I mean I'm gonna be having the kid I'm gonna be pulling my hair out there's gonna be two weeks of that and then I'm gonna say here's where it should have started You're fucking me already

Fucking me early man. You know what she's gonna come home from the doctor next time with the baby You just never let the party die man bring the baby, too This was my time. This was supposed to be my summer This was the summer of me. No more Emperor Summer. No more. No! Are you sure you can pop that? You mean any of them can take them out at any time? I'm just imagining a manzalium that's two weeks away from completion. It's just, you know, the walls aren't panicking. There's a light coming through a crack somewhere. For the rest of my life, I'm gonna be thinking, my life should have been two weeks better.

I should have had, I needed two more weeks to prepare. That's why this, things are in such a state as they are. Yeah, it's like you played King's Quest and forgot the one item at the beginning of the game. It's exactly what it feels like! Now you're at the fucking end. And I could have got the big coronation ending Nothing that I got just a thanks and a handjob. You got the Sierra online experience out of that one

Come on you're asking you're acting like you're put out. Oh what this surgery? Yeah, we got to do yeah, we should do it early cuz it's a risk Hold on. Wait a minute. Shouldn't we be told about the you know, the risk factors? You can't just say it's risky Let's pop it out of there. I need those two weeks to are you looking at your watch saying oh, we got to pop it out early What? End of it. He's trying to have a good summer He's shit if I have to deliver this baby in August, that's gonna fuck my summer up.

That's gonna fuck, yeah. So he's fucking his summer up. He's fucking my summer up instead. He's fucking my summer up instead. I'll show him. Those are the almighty dollar, yeah. Oh, for the almighty dollar, these goddamn doctors, these greedy doctors, these greedy baby doctors.

Yeah, they're building, see they're building up all that steam and you see you get more problems here I starts twitching a little you just can't wait to see my wife's pussy that let's be honest doc That's what that's what's happening here. I'm gonna go in there with a vengeance next time If you said it like that Directly to a doctor in the lobby in the law Directly to a doctor in the lobby in the law Very they're selling parking. You know they sell parking passes get the fuck out of here Yeah, which again this is one of those things that only I seem to be annoyed by

You want a neo geo I got a smash. I got a very cool looking this actually looks very cool This neo geo machine that was destroyed. Oh, I heard it was just as bad as Gaia's cradle. Let me see this. I mean it does. It looked- I picked it because I thought it was cool. Oh man this is cool. Somebody sent it in. It's a very cool looking machine. Wow. Nicely made too. It's destroyed though. Oh wow. Real SNK thing. I'm just used to so much bootleg shit that it's like- It's real real here. That's cool with the box No, I don't maybe I'll put it back. You know the rules if it's left here. It goes back in the box Maybe we fill it with asbestos next time and hammer that

At the at the baby doctors place They sell parking passes like it's no big deal and everyone seems fine with it, but I don't understand where they get the nerve to sell your parking validation. You get your, you take your parking ticket, right? It's at the hospital, the Glendale hospital thing, whatever. Oh, that's why they're selling parking passes. Yeah. Bro. What is it? You can buy half a kebab, too. Yeah, I was going to say, is it also double as an alkaline water store and a cell phone repair shop?

Yeah. You go in there with your little ticket, right? Usually at the doctor's, they'll at least do you the courtesy of validating your parking, even at Nordstrom's. That just feels so cheap. Oh, do you need your parking validated? Motherfucker, do you know how much money I paid to be here? What do you mean, validating your parking. Even at Nordstrom's. That just feels so cheap. Oh, do you need your parking validated? Like, motherfucker, do you know how much money I paid to be here?

What do you mean, validating my parking? I don't even know. Like, I don't know how much money this costs. I just give you a card. And I get fucked for it just later. I see the commas later in a shitty envelope I almost threw away. Yeah. I'm in the comma counting game. I say, okay, do you guys validate?

Here you go. And they go, yeah, it's two bucks. I'm like, calm accounting game. They okay you guys validate here you go and they go yeah, it's two bucks Like why is it two dollars? Why the fuck is it? Why? Why is it two dollars for me to park here for 30 minutes? There is no way They say do you take do you take Apple pay she goes no it's cash. I'm like, okay, that's- that's asinine. Uh, honey, do you have any cash? She goes, I have a five. And the lady goes, oh yeah, sure, let me get change.

And goes over to like one of those leather, um, pocketbooks from the eight- late seventies, early eighties. Yeah, cause that was the last time they fucking made anything. That's stupid. Yeah, that's just stuffed full of ones. Like a kid, like it's a child. It's like, it's been collecting grandma's birthday money for... Yeah, what are you selling, popcorn after school or some shit?

You're selling, because here you go, all right, here's your three bucks, and that'll be validated. I'm like, what is this? Why do you have this, why have you stockpiled everyone's ones to just kind of fuck them over? Why do you, you clearly don't need the ones,

cause they're sitting in a giant booklet that you're using to balance out your fat ass while you're sitting here taking calls that might as well be done on the internet. Why are you doing this? Why are you making everyone fish around for $2 to get free parking to come get told that two weeks of their life have been revoked by this asshole.

We have centralized hospital databases, right? But we can't figure out like, hey, what if we had the most manual, cash-heavy, like... Why don't you just pay it? Yeah. Why don't you just pay the two dollars? Add it to my tab of whatever ungodly amount I would... Make it medical parking. Yeah. Yeah, this is a a charge the health insurance company five hundred

dollars right for the parking I know how this scam works you don't need my two dollars I like that they're like oh here's your validation like this fucking wristband as an outpatient doesn't show that maybe possibly I was just here man they're doing that now to the the new the like, I don't know why adults going to the doctor are given these bracelets that they have, even to the normal doctor now. And every single person there asks you your date of birth. Like, they're an NPC in a video game that you just are building your character. Like the beginning of Falloutout or something January 1st

1969 baby, that's like everybody's birthday as though like that is the That's the one that's what's gonna stop some sort of a fraud that every single person in the entire building asks you your Your birthday, but I guess that's with a social engineer everyone's birthday out of them Did we give up on social securities cuz Cause numbers? Cause Elon got a hold of them? So now we're back to doing birthdays? Is that a hit? Did Russia get a hold of everyone's social security or birthday or what? I think so. But I will tell you this, I have good news. Oh good.. This is some good news from the pregnancy. Some great news, yeah. Yes, this is great news.

Um, uh, she's got a, uh, a pillow now. Because she can't lay on her back or stomach anymore. That's bad for the... This little fucker's in there kicking. On the... Full of piss and vinegar, yeah. This guy's pissed off. I guess I would be pissed too if I had to hear her all day.

For nine months. She got this pregnancy pillow where you have to lay on your side. And I said, okay, you know, that's cool. You know, just information that doesn't affect me. Something that doesn't affect me really. That's good for you. All right. And then she uses it last night. And I notice in the middle of the night that I just have so much space. I feel like I'm on an other- I feel like I'm on an open prairie. Like I'm in Montana or something and the bed is like the

big sky above me. I'm like, this is an odd. My shoulders are all spread out. I don't feel the edge of the bed. Where am I? What universe did I wake in? I reach over and there's the pregnancy pillow thing. It's like a snake. It's like a pillow that's also a snake and it's wraps around the woman, right?

I reach over and I feel, I'm like, huh. Oh, wow. It's like, huh, oh wow. It's like trapping her over there. This is amazing. So I wake up the next day and I'm like, how'd you sleep with that pregnant? She goes, well, actually it's kind of annoying. Like it feels like I'm in a,

it feels like I'm sleeping in a prison. Like I'm totally contained. It doesn't let me go anywhere. I'm like yes Finally they get a taste of what they've been doing to us this whole time She goes I feel like I slept I feel like I'm in a prison and the dog looks at me like mmm, and I said Don't give up the secret yeah And I'm over there. I got my computer up over here, you know. Got a bag of chips even.

I got a bag of chips over here. I'm bouncing around. Well, it's great too, because if you think about it, if she's forced to sleep on her side, she can't spread out horizontally. So anything else has to be vertical. It has to be vertical for the baby. It's a trap.

So I get 20, 18 weeks of this blissful... Yeah, minus... Oh, man. So you get two weeks of your bed having bed space shortened. Yeah, shortened. I don't care though. I'm living in the moment now. Yeah. It feels like 10 years, taking me back 10 years, you know? Yeah.

What year is it? Is it 2014? Is there no, no one cares about Trump right now? Everyone still likes him? What year is it? It's amazing. You have to enjoy the shit out of these next 18 weeks, man. With that thing? Cause they better not find, somebody better not do a study that says

the pregnancy pillow is like causing cancer or autism or something. You gotta give me these 18 weeks of Bed throwing a few sound machines and you're good I have my my Laptop up while I'm in bed tracking my my crypto do we are we excited about the Crypto reserve the strategic crypto reserve that Trump has yeah, that's gonna gonna be cool. Do you have any Cardano? No.

I saw that announcement this morning, Trump's Strategic Crypto Reserve, that they're putting Cardano on, and I said, you gotta be fucking kidding me, but there's one guy I know who has a shitload of Cardano, and I wonder if he still has it, so I hit him up, my man, from Burning Man, I was like, you still got that Cardano? And he goes, yep, it's gonna be a good day for me. I've been holding that cardano for eight years or whatever. Wow. It's fucked.

It's fucked. It's totally fucked up. It's totally and completely fucked up that Trump is printing money to then just buy cryptocurrency forever. But I don't care anymore. Yeah, obviously it's a stupid idea. Unless they're just using stuff that they've seized, but I really don't think that's gonna be the way it's gonna go. That makes it so good, yeah. If it was stuff they seized, that'd be hilarious. That'd be great, right? Okay, that would be reasonable.

But I think they're just gonna print a bunch of money, and then people paying taxes for thirty years are gonna be the ones that are dumping money into the debt that's used to pay down my pumping now. Yes. My crypto pumping now, and then hopefully we just do that forever. Until the top blows off the dollar. Finally. Finally. Until the top finally blows off the dollar. Finally.

Finally. Until the top finally blows off the dollar. Gotta blow off some steam, this dollar. It's just like totally retarded. I guess if they switch everything to Bitcoin, that'd be great. It's better, it's the same as gold, it's better than gold in a lot of ways,

but I really can't see them doing that I think we should add like a mystery third option to like I think we should bring back bartering too Just to really fuck up every kind of system everywhere like sheep Well, here's like a mostly broken neo-geo surely that's that's worth something. Yeah Well, they're gonna think of like the crackhead economy of like fixing broken VCRs that have no hope of ever being fixed ever again It's him a little bit that every crackhead well here's with them. They just keep taking them apart further and further as they spiral into mania I was just Adams. Yeah, it is great, and they always think I could sell this for at least 40 bucks So, you know, they do think that they think that the more they take it apart. Yeah. Well, it's got circuit boards

The more I reduce this yeah to its component pieces the more I can get surely it's it's more it has a bigger audience Yes, this is a broken VCR. Nobody wants that six parts to a broken VCR. Somebody's gonna want a man It's got rubber bands in and everything so I'm saying that if we bring back if we introduce like the crackhead scale of economy to things of like yeah Let's let's let's muddy the waters even further. Yeah, I like that idea Let's just you know, I think I don't think we're gonna have a choice After this one after this one probably not if we're dumping all of our money into into Bitcoin Now and I say our money, I mean future people.

Because they have to pay it down. Right. I don't think they're going to have a choice to be able to use it. Well again, that's such a great idea. Uh, let's see here. Here's an all-female space launch. Woman alert. Look at this.

Did I get a good picture of it? They're sending six women into space in space launch not space lunch will they be eating well cuz I figured on the space lunch six women I'm like they're eating Katy Perry's gonna go into space this is like a Lauren Sanchez send them all to space but leave them out there though no Yeah, don't bring him back. No return ticket. Gail King. Who the hell is that?

CBS presenter. Aisha Bo. Civil rights activist Amanda Nguyen. And film producer Carrie Ann Flynn. Blue Origin said this first all-women space flight to take place since the Soviet Union's Valentina Tero-Shanokeva solo mission in 1963. Hmm. Wow. You think there was a reason for that?

I can't wait to hear what these women think about space. The total emptiness. Yeah, what are they gonna think if they can't be on their phones the whole time? Yeah This is gonna be this is gonna be wonderful. You got a team of PR They'll probably get the best reception they've ever had since all the satellites are you know, I can't wait for the questions that come back Mm-hmm, you know What am I phone work out there? And then they told me that it's because of satellites or something. Just coming back, like yeah, space was dumb.

Space is dumb. It is dumb, absolutely. They're going to have to come up with something good. For six women in space. It reminds me of this time I had to, I got sent out to do some pop-up shit for work. It was such a miserable disaster. We came back and the whole marketing department was like, you tell everyone at corporate that this was a raging success.

Because if we spent all this money and looked like that big of fuck-ups, we are fucked. We're going to put out a business. Oh, here it is. Never mind, I just found the All the Women. Yes. Oh, yeah, you're a big fan of women. Name all of them.

Here we go. All the women. Oh, yeah. All right, thanks for the pop-up ad. I love that it's space.com. Like, ooh, that's so like. It's cool, man. Space.com is cool.

Transform. Oh, there we go. All right, are you ready to be rocked? So like... It's cool man, space.com is cool. It's cool. Transform... Oh, there we go. Alright, are you ready to be rocked? No. Uh... They should have had Bruce Jenner or Caitlyn Jenner on here, don't you think? As Bruce? Yeah.

Like in Bruce Cosplay? Just for old time's sake. Mm-hmm. Yeah, look at this. Uh, Aisha? Bo? Oh, there-hmm. Yeah. Look at this. Aisha? Bo? Oh, there she is.

Okay. How will this be men's fault that they didn't get into space sooner? It wasn't comfortable enough for them. Wasn't quiet enough, perhaps. Wasn't quiet enough, perhaps? Wasn't quiet enough. Can they still hear the Ahelna? In space, no one can hear you Ahelna. Which one do you think is going to give us an Ahelna?

Aisha or Gale King? I can't wait for the stories of how Ah-knead it was to get in the space capsule. Well again, I'm sure we can probably be regaled and oh it was so great, everything went well, nothing was fucked, we're gonna hear the PR side of it. Not the... Yeah. Well I look forward to it. Not the important side of it, you know?

Not the stuff we really want to know. Obviously I hope nothing messes up. I mean, even do I. I would never hope anything would mess up, but it's just the staunch reality. Women have been batting a thousand, oh, for a thousand, with helicopters and planes. Why not load them up into a space shuttle? You know? Now's the time.

Now is the time. All the women pilots at Delta or whatever that were stomping along in that V formation for vagina said you know what we need To win let's go to space well ever since they outlawed animal testing in space programs They're like oh just send women up there sent some women empowering. We're not sending them on a suicide mission. This is empowering Notice they didn't pick any cool ones. Any cool women? Like who? Like a porn star?

No, just any of them. Any cool women. I kinda like Lauren Metcalf. The old, she was on the news here in LA. Okay. I don't know if you know that. Faggot. That's where she was, she was like the hot weather girl.

Okay. I mean she looks a little like plastic surgery. Well if she's cool, then she can stay on this. She seems fun. Okay. Well, then don't send her up, but she, you know. Bezos seems like he likes to have a good time. The other guys seem kind of weird. Zuckerberg seems kind of weird.

He's a little too into MMA. Like, all right, man, I don't... You don't think wanting to go grapple with other sweaty dudes is cool, man? They get really into it. Why is that? Can't you just be a normal guy and not do like, ass grabbing and stuff? Like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu? It's an addiction for a man. They're like, well, I can't be Christian. So if I go grab someone else's ass in tights under the guise of, well, this is like a manly thing.

I do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Yeah. And my kids do it too. You see, because, this is like a manly thing. I do Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah. And my kids do it too. You see, because, like, nah, nah. Yeah. That's enough. You got to wait for somebody to ask, and not another Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu guy.

Yeah. Can't ask you, hey, I just have a question. I'm also in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and my kids are in it. Can you tell me what the benefits are for? No, no, no, no, no. Get them all out of here. That doesn't count. It has to be someone that's not.

It's religious fanaticism described as or This prescribed rather as a homosexuality Disguised as the correct word I was looking for but you know, it's like are there joints made of like titanium? I can't You barely open a dip jar without blowing something out. And the popping and the cracking that I get constantly. How do they have wrestling fights with men every week? Well see their love for other men keeps- Overpowers?

Oh, it rejuvenates the gayness. It's like two dogs barking at each other from behind a fence. I see. They're just like, oh, powerful. Yeah, yeah. I need to go rub my nippers against yours. It's a whole... It's a rejuvenating experience being a homo erotic without being gay. Right.

Do you see as many commercials for prep as I do? I don't know. I swear to God. Wait, you see commercials still? My most technologically advanced friend and you're still seeing ads? What the fuck is this? Well, because I've I got so I got so sick of having to hunt for shows on the play on demand, like paradigm, like Netflix and, you know, Hulu and the rest of them, Amazon, fucking Losertown, Cinemax, fucking HBO Max.

Yeah, I'm the mayor. You're the mayor of Losertown over at Amazon Prime. What the hell is happening over there? No, of Loserville, not Amazon Prime. I get lost in a life. We have the lifetime subscription channel, I think on two accounts and I get lost in it. And then I think, well, the day's ruined. I don't know how to get... Amazon fire things too slow for me to go back out.

One of my Plex servers, the guy found like 50,000 Indian movies and put them all on, so that's fucked. I can't see what is on there. And this... the stick is so slow I'm not gonna be able to get to navigate my way out or into anything. I'm done. I'm done with this shit I'm done. I just went so I found this old-fashioned Samsung like live TV Facsimile where it gives you remember the old TV. I do the guide right? Yes We go sit on that guy with your teeth on the bird sitting there watching like alright Where it's gonna? Oh that looks good. I'm gonna hop into

Interspace on Comedy Central. It's only like I've only missed the first act. Yeah, right So they made a facsimile of that where it's obviously just streaming channels Yeah, but it's still got you don't have you have to decide what's in front of you not an infinity of things so anyway, I found I'll cycle between Heartland, which I don't understand if that's a real show, but it had like 20 seasons, and I've never heard of anyone who watched it. This is a Kevin Hart theme park show.

Heartland, yeah. And Dog the Bounty Hunter. Cool. I hit Dog the Bounty Hunter. So I thought, oh, this will be fun, like nostalgia, Dog the Bounty Hunter. I said, oh, this will be fun, like nostalgia, Dog the Bounty Hunter. And the first commercial roles, it's good, I'm having a good time, you know?

Embracing Christ and not hitting the crystal meth, you know, getting my life back together. That's the most important part, man. I saw this one episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter where Dog makes them do a prayer circle before sending the guy into that shitty back door that they always send people into at the ramp. He does a prayer circle asking Jesus for help and they break the prayer circle and his son shoots a Gatorade bottle into the garbage as the guy's getting escorted into the prison

and sinks it perfectly. And they don't have the sun in shot. I just see his hand, and I see the Gatorade bottle swish right into the garbage can as the guy's getting sent in for five years for having a substance that he's not allowed to have. And 80s girl goes, did you see that?

I said, I absolutely did see that. That was awesome. And he can't go like, yeah, right? Like, oh yeah. So it cuts to commercial and then it's two gay guys saying you bring your, you bring your A game to your date. Bring your A game to your AIDS medication. I'm like, what? Whoa. So then it goes, then it's got some, it's got like a, I don't know if it's a trans woman

or a woman eyeballing, like eye fucking a guy because they got to pretend that it's a straight disease too. Like they did to us. Remember, you don't remember in the eighties, they would hit us with the AIDS, you guys are gonna get AIDS, you gotta use a condom when you grow up. That all turned out to be totally bullshit, right?

But then, it's like, okay, that was odd. I don't see a lot of commercials for like AIDS prep medicine. bullshit, right? But then, I'm like, okay, that was odd. I see a lot of commercials for like AIDS prep medicine. Every single commercial on the Samsung, on the Samsung like fake channel, the North Korea TV channel where it's, you know, 50,000 channels of just streaming dog to bounty hunter, the Cesar Malan, the dog whisperer, every single the great American like bake-off and all this shit every single commercial is anti-aids Prep get your prep medicine commercial. They're just like we know who watches this during the daytime

Yeah, yeah, well then I'm thinking it's all day. It's all day. It's the only commercial they have and then those placeholders That's like dog the bounty hunter will return in at countdown. Oh yeah. Yeah. So then I'm thinking, wait a minute. Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. All this USAID stuff is coming out, right? That the US government has been spending like $600 billion or something on... That's right, yeah. Anti-AID stuff around the world.

Yeah, how'd they get the last income stream from it still? Yeah, I'm thinking, has all of this been, you know know my conspiracy brain kicks in and I say wait a minute So we've been just dumping burning money and dumping it into AIDS like prevention Which I which I guess probably means commercials, right? Of course so has all of this stuff has all of the Hollywood stuff though that has been happening over 20 years The and the push to get like like, gay shit in everything, is that because there's all these ads that now exist? Because I'm pretty sure gay guys know about PrEP.

Like, I'm pretty sure they were the- I'm pretty sure they were on a mailing list where all gay men were alerted to the existence of the AIDS medicine the second it popped, right? They probably have it tattooed on each other's cocks, right? Hey, don't forget to take your prep. Don't forget to take your prep. So how is it that, you know what I mean?

Now I'm thinking, well, has all of this AIDS money that's been floating around trying to not get HIV, has it been, because if there's AIDS money, you're definitely gonna wanna get gay guys watching your shows we gotta make gay shows so gay guys watch it so we can run all this anti-AIDS shit for nobody, for nobody, this whole, for all of it for nobody they all know, I mean if they don't know a commercial on Dog the Bounty Hunter isn't gonna clue them in yeah, that's like advertising microphones or something on TV. Yeah, check out this Neumann microphone

Oh, it's a real. It's a real you know real crisp and clear sound for 40 grand. Yeah If you're looking for one you already know what it is you already know what it is That's crazy. That's what I'm saying fucking crazy. That's what I'm saying. It's crazy. Uh Okay, so lensky got kicked out of the White House. That's pretty funny. That's funny. You know watch that thing. Let's do it So he's got to tell Vance to stop trying to talk after Trump and get like an additional burn. No, no, no, no Just let him just let Trump's sit there man. Don't he's the king man Yeah, he's the king

He knows when to stop it. You're kind of like you're kind of like talking to build up You're kind of talking to feel it out to find something in the dark It's obvious and then you kind of find something crappy like I think you had that prepared in advance didn't sound that cool Trump sounded way cooler Let's find it Okay sounded way cooler. Let's find it. Okay. This was your problem on Friday, wasn't it? Being ungrateful. Yeah, lack of gratitude.

Ingrates. I should have put it like that. Ingrates. I'm talking about the kind of diplomacy that's going to end the destruction of your country. Mr. President, with respect, I think it's disrespectful for you to come into the Oval Office and try to litigate this in front of the American media. Right now you guys are going around and forcing conscripts to the front lines because you have manpower problems. You should be thanking the President for trying to bring it into this conflict.

Have you ever been to Ukraine that you say what problems we have? I have been... Come once. I have actually watched the scene of the stories I know what happens is you bring people, you bring them on a propaganda tour, Mr. President. Do you disagree that you've had problems bringing people into your military? And do you think that it's respectful to come to the Oval Office of the United States of America and attack the administration that is trying to prevent the destruction of your country.

A lot of questions. Let's start from the beginning. Sure. First of all, during the war, everybody has problems. Even you, but you have nice ocean and don't feel now, but you will feel it in the future. You don't know that. God bless, God bless, God bless, you will not have a war. Don't tell us what we're going to feel. Oh, no, no, no. We're trying to solve the problem. No, no a war. Don't tell us what we're going to feel.

No, no, no, no, wrong! Don't tell us what we're going to feel. I'm not telling you. Because you're in no position to dictate that. Remember this. You're in no position to dictate what we're going to feel. We're going to feel very good. We're going to feel real good.

You're right now not in a very good position. You've allowed yourself to be in a very bad position. And he happens to be right about it. From the very beginning of the war, Mr. Brown, I was... You're not in a good position. You don't have the cards right now. With us, you start having cards. I'm not playing cards. I'm wearing serious, Mr. Brown. I'm wearing serious. I'm the president of the world.

I'm wearing serious. I'm wearing serious. I'm the president of the board. Wearing serious? I'm wearing serious. I'm wearing serious. I'm wearing serious. What is the game? You're gambling with World War III. And what you're doing is very disrespectful to the country, this country. With all the respect to your words. Far more than a lot of people said they should have.

Have you said thank you once? They won't. No, the entire media, have you said thank you? You went to Pennsylvania and campaigned for the opposition in October. Yeah, that was a mistake. I would say that was probably a mistake. And the president who's trying to save your country. That would probably be considered a mistake doing that. The way Trump's talking to him is when someone's on like a good roll of just like, hang on,

I'm going to nail you with this Yeah, and if you don't shut the fuck up I got I got a couple more to hit you with a few heaters coming your way This was probably a mistake look at this look at this smile, man. Oh This is gonna last forever. Yay. This is gonna last forever this feeling that I have I'm totally untouchable Done. This is gonna last forever. You guys don't have elections here, do you? I'm afraid we do. No, I just don't do them. I stopped all our elections. You can, you guys don't have to have elections. Man.

Just don't have one. People are totally like cooked and retarded when it comes to Ukraine. Squeaky wheel gets the grease, man. I don't have a problem with, I can't even imagine really having a problem with Russia, like that big of a problem, more than anybody else. Like Ukraine killed Coach Red Pill on purpose, because he was a dick, but they did,

they killed him for just being a guy. Yeah. Putin does that, the US government does that. Yeah. Well, that guy I hate? I don't think so. Yeah, he's just like a low tier guy even. Yeah.

Putin? The whole world is like teaming up to fight that one guy. He's going to invade Europe. All these like fantastic scenarios of stuff that Putin is gonna do. They're just like other, what do you mean? They're just like other guys. They don't wanna do that shit.

Why would they do that? Putin's big chilling, man. He's just chilling out there. Smiling his ass off, yeah. He's grinning his ass off, talking in that gay little voice that he's got. You know? He's practicingning his ass off talking in that gay little voice that he's got You know, he's practicing it actually. He's practicing an even gayer version of his He's gonna nail Zelensky he's doing a little bit of crimes, but that's that's government man

I got all you motherfuckers are doing a little bit of crimes. We Trump's buying Bitcoin. That's Obviously it's great if you own Bitcoin. If you don't own Bitcoin, you're fucked! That is a really fucked move if you don't! Bad day to be on the bad side of it. Yeah, what are you guys talking about? Putin's gonna take over Europe, and then what? He's gonna kick all the immigrants out? Like, what's the problem?

What is the actual- Somebody tell me what the problem is, please. That would be funny, he would have his work cut out for him. Yeah, I'm getting rid of all the, uh, all these Somalians. They're all going home. What? They're all going back to St. Paul, Minnesota. They're all going back to Minnesota. We're taking all these Minnesotans that you guys let in, and we're shipping their ass back to Minnesota where they belong, where they can be with their people.

Mm-hmm. Like crackpots. Because we won't give them the weapons they need to defend themselves! I don't give a shit about... I need weapons to defend myself. That's what I need here. People forget about that, man.

Yeah, is Putin letting... There's a bunch of guys in my town that live around me that they threw in jail for like rapes and beating guys up that didn't do any, that didn't even deserve it a little bit. Then somebody let them out of prison early. Was that Putin that did that?

Cause that's affecting me right now. Yeah. Was that? Directly. Was he doing that? Not even by two weeks either. That's like a different. Yeah, not two weeks. two weeks that's today bunch of those guys are running around somebody let them out of prison did who knew that oh no somebody else yeah well you think with the way people are reading about it that he would have it's just like

totally retarded he might as well be on Mars like well what if he invades Europe I don't give a shit why would I give a shit about that? Fuck Europe. He's gonna invade China next too, I think. What if he invades China? And then both of them will invade us? Eh, I don't really care actually. Yeah, by that point,

I'll have moved past the ice wall in Antarctica, man. I'll just dig a little hole and hide in it. Problem solved. Worked for Saddam Hussein, man. Yeah, worked for Saddam Hussein. Bitchin hiding. His hiding spot was so good we meme about it to this day. It's funny now that they're on like the ass end of the rape. Now that we're doing the raping, it's really obvious how dumb this is.

Getting kicked out of the White House like DJ Jazzy Jeff. All the other, all Europe and all those fucking stupid countries saying oh you know what we're gonna band together and we'll get boot and go for it you guys look like retards mm-hmm even to Putin he's gonna be like mmm and he's gonna do what just stop invading that's the worst case for him all right never mind it would be good it's like yeah you guys come over here and then everyone gets in Russian uniform and he's like, okay guys now Let's let's go take over all these stupid assholes. He should fake surrender. All right, that's it No more war and then just kidding like yeah two weeks later come out hitting him again. That'd be funny. That would be

He's gonna house the whole burger. Yeah. Yeah They're gonna hang this guy. I hope. I hope so. Allegedly and supposedly, but you know. Somebody's gonna do it. You think in the whole country, there's nobody that's gonna go, man, I'm really gonna, I'm gonna hang that guy.

Fuck this. It's crazy that people who like work around him and all that are just like, wait a second, this guy's the biggest and most corrupt asshole. Yeah. How come you didn't take the deal? He's just there until it becomes the next power vacuum. He's gotta wait a long time for that.

Somebody's gassing him up. Somebody's in there going, no, no, we're gonna impeach Trump or kill him, you know, like this summer Don't worry and then we got you I don't think that's gonna happen man. I don't think that's really a good things are not looking good Man, I don't think that's a good idea Let's see. The NSA has some interesting chat logs about having sex changes they got a bunch of

They have a bunch of sex change guys in there talking about their neo-vaginas and stuff. Is that what the essay in NSA is? What is it saying for? Sexual assault. Oh, there it goes. It did that yesterday, Friday too. God.

I have obtained logs from the NSA's secret transgender sex chat room, huh? In which the NSA, the CIA, and the DIA employees discussed castration, artificial vaginas, piss fetishes, sex polycules, and gang bangs on government time. Oh, that's, so they could answer the email. Wait, so they were just on Reddit the whole time

is what I'm hearing? Yeah. God damn it. The NSA maintains a chat system for the intelligence community called Interlink. The servers are supposed to be used for government work, but gender activists have hijacked at least two of the channels. They hijacked the channel? Wow. To discuss fetishes, kink, and sex. Legitimate as...imized as DEI.

Okay. Well, let's see some of these chats. One popular chat topic was male to female transgender surgery, which involves surgically removing the penis and turning it into a vagina. The male intelligence age, oh love, that's transphobic. Love the feeling of penetration and peeing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha channel that you could use To be doing this yeah in what asked what did you do at work this week those chat logs better have been posted Because they were doing it works talking about peeing out of my neo vagina I'm gonna be wearing leggings all day Friday and Saturday. Oh, they blocked out the names that was nice Hmm, and I say I think about that last one probably the most mine is purely aesthetics. Well almost purely and not last one probably the most. Mine is purely aesthetics. Well, almost purely and not buying, being spelled wrong, able to do some things I want. Mine is everything.

I found that I like being penetrated. Never liked it before GRS. Is that genital removal surgery? Basically. But the rest is just important, as important as well. Yeah, that's all part of what I want. Are there people there who were saying, hey, that's enough of this kind of talk? No, they were encouraging it, clearly. Everyone was encouraging it? Everyone.

Huh, that kind of makes it seem like people were keeping out anyone that wasn't part of their sex cult. That's crazy. Isn't that crazy? What else were these guys doing? You almost wonder if were they into piss things before they joined the NSA or did they join the NSA to get access to more piss? Is this what being a spy is today?

You gotta wear like programmer socks and pretend to have your penis cut off and talk about piss drinking. That makes James Bond look a little, I don't know, not as glamorous, sexy. They only showed the cool parts of James Bond. They didn't show all the piss drinking and sock wearing. Many penny. I'm in the chat room talking about

how much I love being penetrated. He's on the party line. These are your programmer socks 007. They go all the way up to your wiener, and they'll dispense a sleeping gas. And you can run really fast in them. They're lubricated, so you can squeeze through tiny holes. This is fucking insane.

Yeah. Trans James Bond. This is what insane. Yeah. Trans James Bond. This is what you gotta be doing. I guess. I guess so. I guess so. That's all I can say is this was one, how many zeros is that? A billion percent worth it?

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Yeah, a billion percent worth it. Despite having to fly to Thailand, pay out of pocket, and the recovery. I would not change anything if I had to do it over again. Huh. Wow. Having a vagina must be pretty cool. To pay out of pocket to go to Thailand and the recovery. That's like, hmm. Wow.

That's how I would have done it for fuck's sake had it not been covered Oh, it's it's covered to repaying for this. Thankfully it was I've gotten so much more everything since it I kind of like how I look now. Oh wow that must be nice Man there's a lot of these chat logs You guys really should have not been having these conversations on a Man, there's a lot of these chat logs. You guys really should have not been having these conversations on a... on a open channel, I think. But women... You know?

Can't teach them. Stupid. Let's see here. God. I think I know that person. You think people in security agencies would have like the, you know. A clue? Just some sort of.

Tiny clue. Here's AI gaming. A lot of AI gaming stuff this week. Bunch of people who don't know what they're doing used AI to make like a bunch of shit that doesn't look fun to play or it looks like. Sounds like every other AI presentation ever. Yeah, they made a bunch of demos and then talked about how the world is ending. Look at this piece of shit here. This guy built a flying machine game.

You can fly in a little circle, I guess. Look at that AI, Johnny. Wow. The future of gaming is here. You can see that guy flying that way. Damn. Okay, and then he sped up the demo. Oh yeah, okay, well. Well.

I hope you're not in video games. Yeah, there might be some job security in that actually. That's fucking bad. And then he's like being, he's being an asshole to like actual game guys who come in and give him advice. Like, hey, you should try to do, you're gonna run into problems with this.

He's like, I don't need... I don't need your expert opinion. This is... The AI is just gonna do it for me. But like, ignoring that the AI is trained on the work of people who do know what they're doing. Right. So we're entering this... we're entering a... It's not the singularity where the computers program themselves, it's a shit-ularity where people are just processing this matrix of

trash over and over and over and having it dump out and regurgitate increasingly complex trash with no context until it's just mulch, right? Like here, this was the world where a bunch of people, craftsmen, made stuff that was good and like built on their shared knowledge. And then a bunch of morons used AI to take all that stuff and just turn out garbage to each other.

Like Jerry coming out of the cloning thing and patting each other on the back and pretending to play their garbage. They're all making the same garbage infinitely and then praising each other without engaging in it at all. Just dumping it out with additional garbage and reacting aggressively. If anybody from this old world where people made things

as part of like a society and enjoyed them as like a human experience with context and history, as like a form of art, as a way to spend your time. And then they react violently to those people that built that so they can stay in their matrix of trash in the shit gularity and have their composting machine just shred culture endlessly and dump out desserts that don't exist

and unplayable games and garbage. It's this pie in the sky bullshit that's like, it's like the, if you leave enough monkeys in a room, they'll write Shakespeare thing all over it. They won't. Right, and they won't. And so people just like, well, if we take all of this garbage and make subsets of it all, surely that's gonna

Somewhere in this garbage is something good. That will create the supers, that'll create the thing that breaks out of this garbage. You guys are wasting your time learning how to get good. We're just gonna make trash. We're gonna go garbage farming until- Yeah. Until we find that one thing. Instead of making food, we're just gonna go look in the garbage.

They're not gonna upcycle old shit. No. And shitty- it just doesn't work like that. No, that's what it is. OK, here's the IRS employee, here's the chirp story of the day. Dink. I don't know if it's real.

I don't know if any of this stuff is real anymore, guys. Who knows? Who knows what's real? I sure as fuck don't. I hate the IRS though. He was one of thousands of federal employees abruptly laid off this week. And he sat down exclusively with Michelle Choi to share how he's feeling and his message to those in power.

What do you mean nothing? Why did he open his door and say nothing there? It's a Nothing there. Nope. Nothing there. What do you mean nothing? Why did he open his door and say nothing there? It's a schizophrenic man. Was he expecting a package? He was expecting a whole field of gnomes or something. What do you mean nothing there? He's looking for the hat man. Yeah, what is he looking for? The Benadryl hat man? Nothing there.

He's looking for the hat man, dude. Slenderman. What kind of a way to start an interview is that? What is he looking for the Benadryl hat man nothing there looking for the hat man dude? Slenderman what kind of a way to start an interview is that hey? Can you just open your door and go nothing there? yeah, like there was supposed to be a Food there or something they turn around this whole living room is filled with broken VCRs As he waits for an official termination letter to arrive at his front door. Oh, that was supposed to be there. Just sitting on the mat? What kind of a mailman do you guys...

My mailman puts mail in the box. Right. Wait a minute, let me see that again. Thousands of federal employees are probably laid off this week. He sat down exclusively with Michelle Choi. Who the fuck wants IRS guys? Yeah, the fact that this isn't like a segment ridiculing him for wanting to be in the IRS.

This IRS agent was tortured and shoved into a Sesame Street Oscar garbage can. That's like if they were like, oh, we brought a parking enforcement agent on it. It's like boo, fuck you, like throw tomatoes at this asshole. Yeah, what are you talking about? A human interest story on an IRS agent that was fired. Steal something from his house, at least.

Spit on him. Yeah. To share how he's feeling and his message to those in power. Nothing there. That was his message to those in power. That was, he gets his mail on the ground? As he waits for an official termination letter to arrive at his front door, Jason Charles shared the toll

the last 48 hours has taken on him. I can't believe this is happening. Oh, believe it. It happened so fast. Like I said, I was just in training. I was just in training. I waited four months to go to training, just to be fired.

He's one of 6,000 plus federal employees who work for the Internal Revenue Service. Fired this week as part of the press- Hey, maybe this guy will hate the IRS too. Yeah, fine him. Yeah. Unbelievable. I was just in training and they robbed me of my job that I didn't have.

Yeah, that's funny. None of us were in training and we got robbed by him too. Yeah, that's amazing. Your job of robbing us was taken away from you man. That sucks Yeah, so like fucking wanting to work for such worms Seriously, that's what I want to know You should ask them some questions about like do you feel anything about working for this agency that mm-hmm

Not only takes money from like people who have none But also really doesn't give a fuck. Like, are you working for an agency that will take money, give you money back, and then say, oh we fucked up, we're gonna take that money back, and then fine you for the amount of time that you had that money? You're telling me some asshole who can't change the batteries in the smoke detector is gonna take fucking my hard-earned money out of my bank account? That's what they're getting to, yeah. I don't think so.

I don't think so. I don't like this. Here you go. Slayoffs happening under the Trump administration. The majority of those workers like Charles were probationary workers employed for less than a year. Charles told us more than two dozen employees were laid off. Why are they sitting so close?

What the hell is going on here? He's got his legs spread so their knees don't knock together. Yeah, this was a news interview? Why's he dressed like a bum? Like why's he dressed like... Well, he was an IRS agent, so you know. Oh yeah, okay, here we go. Two dozen employees were laid off from his office here off Gessner. He says it took over a year to get his dream job as a tax-exempt officer dealing with nonprofit

organizations and compliance. Sorry, what was that job? Tax-exempt officer dealing with non-profit organizations and compliance. Sorry, what was that job? Tax-exempt officer? Was he not paying taxes? What an asshole. Took over a year to get his dream job as a tax-exempt officer dealing with non-profit organizations and compliance. Oh, so he's making sure that non-profit organizations are complying with the tax code? Thank God. I mean, that's what we need. Definitely, we gotta make sure that

entities that are non-profit organizations are complying with their tax loopholes. Yeah, because God forbid anything about that be bullshit. Yeah, yeah. I wanna serve the people. And despite recent news, he held out hope his job would be spared. How are you feeling?

Numb, confused, sad, angry, lost. When did you get the official notice? Or was there an official notice? You just, no, you just checked. It wasn't at the door Yeah, what do you mean? When did you get it you just checked the welcome mat and said nothing there because they're your Termination letter wasn't on the ground. This is such a fucking job retarded official notice

I Got word from did you hear that heard something? Well, was that a chirp minute might have been like a camera noise or something notice I Got word. Oh, I don't know Managers that had to be in office yesterday Make a camera powering on me. Yeah, they're all day until maybe 12 1 o'clock then

It was kind of like a firing range They lined us up took our equipment and sent this home His pride and passion taken away excited. I was so excited to learn the job. And I'm going to be the best. It's not like I have, I have no say. was that that wasn't a camera that wasn't a camera beep that was not digital at all at least in the same way yeah they can count on me it's not like I have Like they just toss you away not that corporate America was like this Why he would speak out now, I thought the government takes care of their people I thought the government would take care of me forever. This is like corporate America

This guy has never heard of anyone who's dealt with the VA before. Oh my god. What a piece of shit This has to happen to you in your life. He's fake crying over the IRS. What an asshole What a fucking bum. This is absolute crumbum behavior. This is a bum behavior. This is like The crummiest lowest this guy's a sure. This motherfucker needs to go to job camp. Go to job camp, you guys can IRS each other, fill out forms all day. He got a kiss of parking enforcement guy for sure. Yeah, we just have two types of prisons, right? Prisons for all the rapists and violent guys and then a different type of prison where you can pretend to have work, fill out forms.

No, those guys should be put in with all the rapists and everything so they get raped, because fuck them. There's a separate prison should be where you've, where you purposely commit a crime so that you have an excuse to go focus on something. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're right. Oh, look, I stole these tomatoes. Like, look, man, we know it's just fucking tomatoes,

but we legally have to arrest you because clearly there's some you know I had a voice I Can't go to Washington and go into office. I Can't I can't contact my congressman. He's too busy. He doesn't want to hear me. I try to reach out What the fuck is this? This is the only way I can get people to hear what happened. According to a statement syndicated to 11, the National Treasury Employees Union president representing the Houston area believes more than 200 people working for the IRS offices in Houston happened fire just this week.

These layoffs, of course, happening in the heart of town. Okay, okay, okay. Wow. What a human interest story. What a, on a scale of zero to things I absolutely care about, that had to have been a negative. Fuck that guy. These guys never thought anything bad, never thought anything bad would happen to them at all.

Well, if I just go work for the government, this will all work out for me. Yeah, okay, let's see. Talked about the hermaphrodites, Scout cookies are have poison in them. Okay, apparently yeah what I mean I know all the food is poisoned but Girl Scout could really have toxic metal I don't know. I didn't really run this one through the bullshit detector, but that's cool though seems like they're very Contaminated well, I mean how else are you supposed to punish everyone? very contaminated. Well, I mean, how else are you supposed to punish everyone

supporting them, you know? Yeah, so I guess that's good news. Because ever since they're like, you know what? They're like, Johnny, we know you've had less than zero representation in your life. We're going to change the cookies from Samoas to whatever the fuck they are now. Yeah.

Like, you know. Papalongs or something? Some stupid shit, you know? It's like bad enough I had to wait till Milana came out and like The Rock got popular, but they changed the name of them. I saw The Rock and John Cena were- Oh, were they?

Making wrestling history or something. Were they kissing finally? They were kissing, yeah. God damn it. John Cena's a bad guy now or something. What? You mean to tell me the most fakest shit in the world and now he's the bad guy?

Yeah, I didn't really get it. I just saw a lot of you go, this was the most amazing twist in the history of my life. Like, I don't know, man. It's, aren't those guys in like Minecraft and shit? What are you talking about? I think there's like John Cena Fortnite dances or something. Yeah, the guy in HBO? I think there's like John Cena Fortnite dances or something.

Yeah, the guy in HBO? I don't think so. Oh yeah, famed ice cream salesman John Cena. Maybe if they kissed, now that would be a twist. If The Rock and John Cena made out and jacked each other off at WrestleMania. This whole time we've just all been gay and everyone's just like, oh my God, I never saw this coming.

I never saw this one coming. Yeah would that work? It might. Okay. Mr. Hamilton Burger says Johnny deserves a raise for the N-word scissor hands zinger. Oh thank you. Yeah that was a good one. Someone I need someone to make that into an AI movie. N-issorhands? Yeah, why do I keep getting afros for my hair style? What are all these slashed up orange soda cans doing around this barbershop? Is there no black splatation for Edward Scissorhands? Apparently not if, you know.

I miss those times. Weren't we talking about that on the bonus episode? We're talking about Petey Wheatstraw, the devil's son-in-law who was born in a watermelon. Oh yeah. But yeah, there's, my friend's got the whole, I think it was Mondo Video, one of the video stores out here that closed down.

She bought the whole warehouse of all the VHS tapes. She has like every blaxploitation video known to man. Really? How many are there? Every, a lot. We could fill up your whole house twice with her archive of shit. Really impressive.

Blart Samson says, I wonder how much sleep the IRS workers lost when they sent me a bill for about 2,500 bucks with no explanation and I had no idea how to fight it. So go fuck yourself the entire work, so go fuck yourself the entire workforce of the IRS now. Maybe they can understand the struggle of people they have been stealing from.

No, I don't think so. I think they think that they're like serving the country. Yeah. They're fundamentally flawed as people. Yeah, they're very sick people. I agree with this email though, but fuck them. Yeah, fuck them. Yeah.

Hanou Marius says, Johnny turning the zing's up to 11. Cool. I'm sure they like it. Trying. Barnabas Nielsen, what do you mean this wharf smells like patchouli? Was it Sean Level Zing? Wow, Zing comments. Sweet.

Thanks, everybody. I'm here for you guys. Fox Foley says, this Boston's woman mayor is apologizing for a psycho chasing people, apologizing that a psycho chasing people was with a knife was killed. Yeah, that's, that seems to be the, that seems to be just totally unapologetically accepted and run with for a lot of people in government now is we're just apologizing that a psychotic murderer was killed by police while in the process of murdering.

Yeah, no, if anything, the apology should be to the people. Yeah, sorry we let this psycho murderer take out a couple of people. Next time we'll try to kill the psycho first. That would be an apology I could accept. Be like, alright. Yeah, okay, yeah, you know, don't be too hard on yourself.

We all miss them. We all would have killed them if we could, right? Here's the Boston's woman's mayor. Okay. My condolences and all of our thoughts are with the family of the individual whose life has been lost. Our thoughts and prayers are with the family and friends of the individual who's been lost. So, our condolences.

Who's been lost? The psycho. The murderer that was going around stabbing people is the life that was lost. So, um, who's been lost? So, Aguindana- Who's been lost? The psycho. The murderer that was going around stabbing people is the life that was lost. Oh, man. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uh Are they that gun-shy about George Floyd? That they're like, sorry about all murderers getting killed? Would you say sorry if he would have killed one of your family members? Like, oh yeah, sorry we had to put this guy down. Yeah, but remember, we've played clips of guys that I come out and say I wish that the guy who killed my son was white. Or some shit like that. I forgive you to the killer. I forgive you

What is wrong with these people man? Sickos. This is sick. These people are sick And there's a group of people around them listening to this and not hitting him with a tomato or something And just like oh, yeah, this is like a really heavy like mmm Yeah, this is a real serious message. I hope these people get fired too.

Man, I don't know if you can fix this. How do you sit down with a person and say, hey, you shouldn't be apologizing for killing a psychotic murderer. They got to go. There's no way to fix this. Yeah. Well, because you have to think, once you hit a certain age, your brain is just that. Done. Yeah. You're not changing at all.

So if these people have been so stuck in their ways for so long that it's like, really all you can do is walk them down. Just walk them straight into the ocean. All right, well. Because there's no reasoning with. Sorry we killed that murdering guy. No, don't be sorry about that.

That's what all this stuff's for. We gotta kill those murdering guys. They're murdering people. Same people who think Linux is gonna be the thing that takes over this year. I guess it is. It never is. Dylan Bly says, accidental swipe,

protection sticky keys. Hey, Dick, I had a good laugh when you guys were discussing sticky keys for phones I haven't quite finished the newest bonus episode But my phone just threw me into accidental touch protection with astoundingly Serendipitous timing attaches a screenshot with regards to the guy with Vaseline fingers who called in about it He was absolutely correct. My phone took about nine tries before it actually let me swipe anything Go fuck yourself, I love Johnny. Does he turn into a pumpkin at midnight?

I do. I actually turn into one at noon. You're seeing me in pumpkin form currently. You know, I guess, is that an Android thing? The sticky key swipe protection mode? iPhones have a new gay mode where, I don't know how- If you buy it, you just turn gay. Yeah, you turn gay. I don't know how you activate it exactly, but every once in a while the screen will shrink like I'm playing Mario and we'll start zazzing around with like

rainbow colors, but they're a little bit pride colored rain. It's not a rain. I know what a rainbow looks like and they kind of like transcoded it. It's like purple and Pink a little bit. It's like a little rainbow brighty, but not cool, you know, it's more more More popples and yeah, it's like Something's off about it. Something's different about it bootleg kind of like I think it's entering AI mode But I don't have no idea what that means or how you use it. I don't know how it's activated. It just happens every once in a while.

Oh, I did it again! Oh, jeez! I did it! Okay, maybe it's this... Sorry, there is nothing to repeat, it says. Oh, it's listening. Sorry, there is nothing... Yeah, okay, it's holding that button sends it into some sort of a trance.

All right. I'm still using my iPhone 3 with the skeuomorphic screen and everything. It looks like a pool table in the background. Yeah, I remember that one. It's all pretty and shiny. No good. Problem. As a follow-up to last week's about women thinking they're hotter than they are, my problem is airport tens.

Out in the regular public world, tens basically don't exist. The most perfect women on the earth are at the airport where you have to keep rushing and then fly 2000 miles away. Women you'd run away from your life for after one look. Women you'd run away from your life for after one look. Hmm. Women you'd run away from your life for after one look hmm women you'd run away from your life for after one look they could be in pajamas or tights could be a university student

or a mom you know with one look that she's cool funny not annoying and hot no you are totally wrong this guy's your head is in the airport yeah well You are letting your dick do the tatties. You found a woman that's not annoying? Totally wrong. This guy's, your head is in the airport. Yeah, will be forever and you'll never see her again. Buddy, she's annoying. I guarantee you that somebody is glad she's in the airport and not able to bother them. Someone is at home either getting sleep

or jacking off for the first time. Yeah, in the living room. Yeah, oh man, I can't. Finally shit with the door open that day. Only three days, huh? Why don't you stay for the last day of the conference? You might enjoy it. See if you can find any souvenirs for me.

You might never want to come back. And they sell condoms at the airport just to put it in your head that maybe there's a way you can make it happen but it's impossible. What are you... This is guys. This is guys if I've ever heard them. He's... What was that? Was it Lost in Translation? Was it the one where Tom Hanks gets stuck at the airport? No, that was the Bill Murray one. That is the Bill Murray, yeah. I'm not a movie guy, but. Connecting flights or something? Some, but it was Tom Hanks where he was forced

to live in the airport for some ungodly, that's this guy, he's living in the airport now. This is guys, there's a hot woman at the airport, I bet there's nothing wrong with her, and there's condoms, I could probably fuck her. First off, my guy, what do you do in buying condoms? If you can fuck the girl at the airport before her flight leaves,

you could definitely talk her into doing it without a condom. Right. That's what I'm saying. That's the least difficult part. My man's got no game over here. It's the biggest problem because it's the tease of the prefect life. Oh, he's Japanese. He likes perfectures and stuff. It's the tease of the prefect life. Oh, he's Japanese. He likes perfectures and stuff.

It's the tease of the prefect life that's so close just for a few minutes. No, no, no, no, no. You need to get out of your head. Stop worshiping random women that you see at the airport. He's down bad. You're down bad. You're airport down bad. You're airport down bad.

You are airport down bad. When the hottest woman that you see is at the airport. Wearing fucking Cookie Monster pajamas or whatever the fuck you are. Wiping spit off her kid's chin, and you're sitting there seething and eyeing the condom machine, you need to rethink. You need to make some changes.

You're looking at the wrong machine, man. You gotta find a local hot girl at like the subway or something. It's the same, yeah, it's the same shit. High women go to Target too. Just go hang out at the start. Find a city Target near you and go hang out. This is not, this is not a good way to live life.

Here's free game for you. You stand in the card section at Target or the kitchen appliances section. Right. You stand there. Yeah. And like fucking shit and flies, right? You just stand there and you hold two in your hand and when you see a pretty woman come by you go, yeah, hey, quick question. If I was to get one of these, you know, and then from there you're in. You're in. Make sure you have the condoms ready. Have them hanging out the side of your pocket or even across your chest like your Rambo ready to tear them off. The tease of the perfect life. That's such a- This is fucked. Okay. What do you mean the perfect life? What do you think happens if you're dating a hot girl or- what do you think their- Life is perfect.

They're just happy all the time? You think that's what their purpose is? To just be content and happy all the time? Cause it's not. This idea of perfection is one of my favorite things. I had a runner, okay? Prefection. Prefection, right. I had this runner who casually admitted to me one time that he had to go to the hospital because he stayed up for three days straight pacing in circles in his apartment because

he was about to think the perfect five. He was almost there and he's like, ah, ah, ah. And he just caught himself in this loop. Was he on? I'm sure he was. DXM or something? I'm sure he was on Z. Ayahuasca?

Because. Sounds like an Ayahuasca trip. Yeah, because for three days, pacing in circles to the point where he's like malnourished and fucking about to die. He's walking himself to death. Yeah, he's like, I almost had the perfect thought and he's just thinking the perfect... But this idea of perfection.

Perfection. And now it got me thinking too, I'm like, wait a second, what is the perfect thought? Like, fuck, maybe you... He's like, oh no, no, I have the mind virus. Now you got the disease. Yeah. Yeah, the mind virus. Now you got the disease. Yeah. Yeah, the mind virus. But this concept of, like, you know, you will, whoever you are, Mr. E-mailer. No Good is his name.

Mr. No Good. Well, you're definitely aptly named. This is not a good thing to be thinking. This is not a good thing, because you will walk yourself silly trying to have the prefect file. When you grow up, you will think, oh, that girl's hot. She must be a pain in the ass. Yeah.

Oh, wow. That is the sign of, you know, that's the sign of real maturity. Yeah. Nemo, hey, Dick, what do you think of this ad? OK. I already like the sound of that. Let's see. What do you think it's going to be an ad for?

Look at this ad. There's a, uh, let's say woman big. There's a big in here. Well, that's young Frankenstein, young Frankenstein monster back and she's a Latina. No, that's Lurch from the Adams family. What, what is this? What is this? What is this possibly an ad for? What could this possibly be an ad for? Deodorant? Right guard?

Right guard, now with an extra T. Oh man. That is a burly specimen. That's a sad looking... That's a sad looking individual. Oh man. Okay. That's a sad looking, that's a sad looking individual. Oh man. Okay. Well is that Shania Twain song,

Man, I Feel Like a Woman? Yeah. Man. All right. Okay, oh okay, so she sees, she's wearing some sort of a soccer jersey and she's seeing all these other girls playing soccer. Let's see.

And she's looking longingly like a- Is that the septum piercing that looks like the little bull ring? Yeah, there is something a little bit like wild lifey about this commercial. Just in the way it's presented. Like a cat that's looking out like a horse, you know, from the Budweiser commercials

that's looking out at the other horses. It's like we have a cigar Indian with a wig on standing right here. You know, you got this big old tree trunk just- Why do they do this? Why do they put this out? Why do they put this out into the world? ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] put this out into the world? I don't be silly.

Come on out, buddy. Play some soccer with us. We love it. Actually, we love our team. Yeah. First pick every time. Trans and gender diverse people deserve to feel safe at playing sports. They should. This should be. They should have a commercial. Okay. This is great. This is great. people deserve to feel safe at playing sports?

They should have a commercial, okay, this is great. This is great. Little girls should be hooked up to a machine and have their eyes pried open like a clockwork orange and forced to watch this over and over until the message gets through. They should have one that's like got dudes at like a bar. Yeah. And there's like a trans woman there.

They walk over and start like jacking each other off. Trans people deserve to feel, right? That's what it's saying, right? It's saying trans and gender diverse people deserve to feel safe, but not the women whose activity is. Yeah. That's kind of the missing other half. They don't show the game footage.

They don't show where everyone's bloody and missing teeth afterward because you got hit by a small dump truck. It's a contact sport. Yeah. It's having a great time. Yeah. Victoria, like Australia?

Victoria government, Melbourne. Melbourne. I don't think you guys should be making those ads. Yeah, again, at least show the impact afterward Yeah, cut it with some boom you got butter over here It's just fucking running through like the goddamn juggernaut you got you got one on the other side, too Mm-hmm, you know, oh, yeah, it's on it's on yeah Everyone you each get one bruiser one bruiser Why did they pick one that's so big they call her the herzerker why did they pick a herzerker that's so big

It's like god damn look at this just a visual size of her It's like in an MMO when someone walks up who's max leveled and then you get all the like Oh, we just started and then it's like, oh, what are you doing with all this armor? That's crazy Lloyd Llewellyn. Here's a comedian losing her shit at a guy for having negative energy. Oh boy You mean to tell me guys have negative energy was her act was he dead was her act funny? Doubtful I doubt it. I knew I bet it was hysterical actually she looks like she's probably funny, right? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend?

Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend?

Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend?

Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Is she actually a good friend? Oh, that's not fair. So why? I see. So you were afraid because like I felt like I was saying your name. I can take the mic. Take it. Take it. Okay, I'm just gonna be honest. Okay, he's your new friend. Don't say this.

Like it is- Okay, is that- It's such a- I already hate both of them. Yeah. ...your time in this world. Right now, there are so many people that came together to be supportive and f***ing amazing. And you're putting negative- No, f***ing look me in the eyes. of them. Yeah. Yeah, this is great. The last show of my fucking weekend is a sold out show and you want to say mean shit to me, okay? So don't fucking do that. This is such like a everybody clapped like kind of thing yeah, they did clap

I really some people clapped I told the shit out of this heckler. Oh, don't she should have just done the don't the Kramer thing exactly you know Please don't. She should have just done the Kramer thing. Exactly. You know? He already laid it out what the only response to hecklers is. So just do... and now it's a reference. The more people that do it, the more can get away with it. Exactly. Diljor...

...says, hey Dick, do you have an opinion on the new AI video from Trump about Gaza? There's an AI video about Trump. Oh you didn't see that? No. How did I see that? Wow. Is it good? Man. What is it? It's cool. It's cool? Okay let's see. It makes you want to go man. To Gaza? Oh yeah well if it's the one I'm thinking of this is gonna be awesome. Where is it? Okay? Here it is I think this might be it president of the US Yeah Post this video of him. I don't want to read your synopsis of it. Let's just watch it Okay, president Trump posted this okay, what's next?

It's Gaza people. That's why I'm shocked you didn't see it before I did. It's Gaza people walking in a in total rubble and destruction, which is Gaza now. And then they're going through a tunnel and they go into like a beach paradise. And they're going to set you free, bringing the light for all to see. No more tunnels. And Elon Musk is there eating nachos? Eating hummus.

Is that Elon Musk? It looks like it's supposed to be. No more fear, Trump Gaza is finally here. And there's hot bitches on the beach dancing, and there's a Trump balloon. Trump Gaza's trying to land there. And the future a brand new one. Yeah, cool.

Peace and dance, the deal is done. Money flying everywhere. Trump Gaza. Yeah, cool. Money flying everywhere. Trump Gaza. Trump posted this? No way. Trump Gaza number one. And I'm proud to be an... Oh, did I tell you I found that Trump song? What Trump song? Ah! And I'm proud to be a...

Oh, did I tell you I found that Trump song? What Trump song? The great American masterpiece or the new American masterpiece, speaking of. You did? Yeah. I'll play it later. Yeah, that's a... While we're being so presidential.

Wow. Yeah, that's great. That tunnel situation is awesome. What's not to like about that? How could somebody more completely say, I don't give a fuck about Gaza or Israel than an AI video of Trump Tower on Gaza and a bunch of whores dancing around in bikinis

while Elon Musk throws money around literally making it rain. You like Gaza so much? Check out Trump Gaza, bitch. Yeah, that's fantastic. Yeah. I need more of that. I saw it and was like, this is...

Your plan's not going to work. Oh yeah? Check out this AI video that I have of a Trump head balloon. You could eat nachos, get money falling out of the sky. Money falling out of the sky. Leave all that destruction and rubble behind. Come dance on the beach with these whores. We got gold Mylar balloons of my face flying around here Well, it is It is the only way to fix it. He's like if Wario was like a real guy. Yeah, it's kind of awesome

Yeah, it is. Okay. Yeah, you guys you could have just wiped him out at any time You know that would have worked at any time. Yep. So you're doing it now fine do it This is akin to that artist who didn't like that business, so he would take pictures of the business and then wipe the names off and just keep sending in a picture of like an empty building to them. Where, to the business? Yeah, until they finally went out of business.

I think it only took like three months and the guy finally went out of business and he's like, fuck you guys. But that's what this comes off as. What are you gonna say to that? Oh no, don don't oh, they're doing it. You saw the video. That's that's commitment There's no you can't unpost that video. Dubai is gonna be such a yesterday kind of thing, man I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure that the Western world if they wanted to could just roll over all the rest of the world.

You know, the Middle Eastern world. Yeah. I'm pretty sure. Let's say all you gotta do is put like a Starbucks and an H&M in Cuba, and then that's done. Yeah, that's it. You know, just... The problem is just the half-assery and the proxy shit. Yes.

And the changing of the guard. Mm-hmm. So if they can do it where in four years it's just from Plaza Gaza, that's it. Greater Israel, man, it's happening. It's happening. Nobody wanted it to happen, and probably not even Israelis wanted it to happen. Maybe half of them wanted it to happen, but it's happening. They were like, oh cool, we can't wait for this to be ours.

Yeah. Oh, oh, forgot about that like, oh cool, we can't wait for this to be ours. Yeah. Oh, oh, forgot about that. Yeah, cool, we can't wait. I'm going to get that spot right there on the beach. The one thing no one could ever factor into anything, American greed, baby. It's probably going to be better for them. It's going to be.

That's what makes it so great. They're always going to cry about their house getting taken. Yeah, we pay property tax, man. That's just kind of life. Everyone's bad. They're always getting fucked over. Always. But now you got a casino and a bunch of whores dancing around. Look, you mean I can listen? This system's better than the one you had. You're not beating this one.

You're not beating the system. This system accounts for a lot of, a lot more failures than the system- Our system that we have in America is way more complicated than your system. It's gonna really fuck your brains up. You're gonna think- You're not even gonna know who the bad guy is. And there's gonna be crises and problems coming at you non-stop. You don't know who started. The calls are gonna be coming from inside the house, it's gonna be wild, the kind of issues that you have here. A lot doesn't mean shit anymore in this system.

These things, these practices and guidelines that you have in your brain aren't gonna help you in this system. This system's new and radical and it's always changing. The brightest minds can't even keep up with it, but for a- but for a couple of years and then they- and then they age out of it. Yeah. So... Sorry.

We're introducing the system. This is the system. The system. This, whatever we're calling it now, this is the system that's taking over the planet. Not this shit that you guys have been futzing around with for a thousand years. That's done, thousands of years, that's done. Wait for Trump Planet next.

Trump Planet. Ha ha ha. Do you think Trump said like, that looks awesome, post it. Or do you think he posted himself? He's like, oh man, this looks awesome, I'm gonna post it. I kinda hope it's the second one. Yeah. Yeah.

It'd be way funnier. Clay Early says, give my boy Colin at Red Lobster a shout out. Last night I ate there with my girlfriend and he came by and told her she demolished her soup. She felt fat and it was probably my favorite thing a waiter has ever done. We need more of him.

Thank you. Colin from Red Lobster, you're a true G. You're a true helper. Keeping it a buck out there. Yeah, keep it down. One of my favorite things I've seen like that was I saw, I saw this receptionist one time, he was pretty heavyset, and this guy walks up to her

and goes, wow, you look like you could eat. And I watched her face just turn flat. And I went, oh, tellin' a fat bitch that she looks like she could eat. You look like you could eat. I couldn't even. What a compliment. What a, you look like you could eat.

You gotta think about that one too. Like, do you mean, do I look hungry or? Right. Why do I look hungry or do you gotta look fat? I learned something that day. I learned how to be meaner than that. How do you? We had this waiter in Chicago where 80s girl took

that stupid pizza picture. The prize winning pizza picture. We got to submit our new art pieces this Saturday. Is that the last day? This Saturday is the turn in day. She's putting a new picture in, which I really hate. I have an art piece for that, too. You better register.

The registration might be closed. OK. So you might have missed your shot. We were in Chicago, and we were getting some drinks. And the waiter comes over, and she's like, oh, I got this round, because me and we were there with a friend of ours, a man, a friend of ours, the same guy that we got swatted with.

Oh, yeah. And she goes, oh, this same guy that we got swatted with. Oh yeah. And she goes, so this one's on me. You guys have been picking up the tab all weekend. This one's on me. And so the waiter comes over and he hands me the bill. And I said, oh no, I did the oh no sign, not for me. So he turns and he hands it to the man, the guy, the friend of ours.

And he goes, oh, and the guy says, oh no, no. And this all happened, you know, within, you know, 20 seconds or something. Incredible. Me? Oh no, and he goes, him? And he goes, oh no, and he goes, he has this confused look, then he goes, back to me? And I go, huh?

Oh, okay, you, sir? And I'm like, oh, and she goes, just give me that! Like, I'm gonna say, gear on the man, that was awesome. That's, yeah. That's awesome, thank you for that, sir. That's... Quick man. That was awesome. That's, yeah. That's awesome. Thank you for that, sir. That's quick thinking. That's funny. See, we need more funny people in this world.

The Merge, VMRG says trucker stories. Hey, Dick. I'm not a trucker. I'm a certified Spanish to English medical interpreter with three years of experience. I work outside the US, but all the clients serviced are based in the US. Biden was great for business.

That's over. We're doing crypto shit now. We're getting reparations. Me, M's getting reparations. Me and my boys are getting reparations. We don't even deserve it at all. We're taking the reparations, so. Samoa coin going up,

tuna cannery coin going up, coconut wifi coin going up. We got it all. We're taking the reparations though. Samoa coin going up, tuna cannery coin going up, coconut wifi coin going up, we got it all. Cardano? Why the fuck are you putting Cardano in the strategic reserve? That is insane. Whatever, I don't care. The money's not real. Among the commercial clients we service is a trucking company, and the amount of drivers that are going around the US that don't even know English is retarded. Like I'm no subject matter expert but it really begs the question as to how someone is able to operate such vehicles

with a license without even knowing the language. How did they pass the test? What if there's a roadside accident or need to communicate with others, law enforcement officers, they don't even know English. So why would anyone reasonably believe that them driving literal tons of steel and engine down a highway is sensible? Yeah, I don't know. Every time one of these drivers ends up having issues with their vehicle, like say axle brakes,

engine malfunction, et cetera, it's clear that these dudes made it to sixth grade, barely that is, and their sole qualification was being able to drive a rig back in their home country, but being in one of the home countries, I can tell you that's not a super high bar. Anyway, I hope Trump sends them all back there

because that way they'll have to face the realities of their elected officials instead of trying to avoid it by abusing your guy's system regards, pissed Latino interpreter. This guy was cool. Sean says immigrant trucker madness. Hey Dick, I'm a trucker myself. And I have been for the last eight years or so.

I've been all over the contiguous United States and I can tell you from experience that there are drivers out there that don't read or speak a lick of English. When the laws of our profession explicitly state you have to for obvious reasons. My limited understanding is that if it is possible to pass a driver's test with a licensed professional, if you have a truck you borrowed from a friend or family and pass a written test via pattern

recognition and studying because all the questions are relatively the same, you mean they're matching, they're learning like the, what the question looks like. Fuck. Which answer it looks like the right answer. Fuck that. That's crazy. I believe that though. Well, and then like, you know,

well, part of being a trucker too is you have to fill out log books. And there's like, now there's digital logging systems for all that. Yeah. It's like there's, you have to, you gotta be aware, man. If they have a small business owned by family friends, then it's possible to get them behind the wheel.

Then these businesses can work them to death or relatively low wages because pesos aren't worth dick back home. They work under the radar. We get stopped randomly by DOT, so I have no idea how they talk their way out of those instances. I remember an incident in Colorado a while back with a Mexican company that had a truck

barrel into a traffic backup because they don't have good equipment standards down there, so the brakes failed. Oh god, it killed a bunch of people. Jesus. Hope this provides some insight. Yeah, it's about probably what everyone thought. Yeah. Just a bunch of fraud and bullshit and... looking the other way, fucking around to save a... you know... Well, it's crazy, because then the DOT will fuck people who are trying to do it correctly. Of course. They just fucked the shit out of them.

Vaccines and autism shit. Vaccines 2. Hey, Dick and Johnny Johnny I gave too much information on vaccines last time Yeah, you probably did it again. So apologies all around. Let me be brief only a single study Hypothesized a link between vaccines and autism specific specifically the measles vaccine. Oh really huh? Okay, so the conspiracy guys are making shit up too, huh? Although I don't even even know if they say there's a study They just say it happens. They just say it. They just say? Although I don't even know if they say there's a study. They just say it happens. They just say it. They just say, yeah, they don't know.

Shoot from the hip, man. They gotta answer me a question about flat earth. If you're telling me vaccines don't work, you gotta tell me what your stance on the flat earth is too. And are women fat? Yeah, but they'll definitely say women are fat because the vaccine guys lie too. Yeah, women are fat.

Yeah. And now that I have your attention. Now that I have your attention. Okay, tell me about guys lie too. Yeah, women are fat. And now that I have your attention. Now that I have your attention. OK, tell me about flat earth too. But then they can't resist. Like Roger Rabbit. You have to ask them how fat. Yeah. How flat is the earth?

This study used a sample size of just 12 people and was proven to have falsified data. Multiple studies from multiple countries have shown there's no link from vaccines and autism. Mm, that's not really good. That's not good. That doesn't help me. Autism is detectable between 18 and 24 months.

And because vaccines and boosters are spread out, people incorrectly correlate vaccines and autism. Well, that's not really compelling. Here's a bunch of vaccines stuff, okay At least if you're gonna say that it's gonna be brief Keep it. There's a whole other thing here. Come on. None of those were good One of them was a good point the measles one that was shit. Yeah, the national vaccine injury compensation program Allows anyone to make a claim of injury from a vaccine

and uses the same criteria of proof as civil suits. Of the 5,000 claims of autism caused by vaccines, zero have received payouts. Okay. All right. That's good. I think the vaccine discussion causes autism. I better stop talking about it. Otherwise, it's going to make you fucking retarded.

It's gonna make my kid have autism. Fuck. Formaldehyde used to kill viruses or neutralize viral toxins. This is so much, uh, I don't know that- Thym- thimerosal contains ethylmercury. What the hell is this shit? Who cares about all these chemicals? Wait, formaldehyde is PCP too. Spark up, dog. They're shooting that in them. Dip it in a black and mild.

Aluminum salts used to boost our bodies immune system found in water. These aren't- Did you copy these out of chat gpt? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I think chat gpt just wrote into you, yeah. Congratulations on your son, as his birthday will likely be in early September. Are you hoping for September 11th? Oh man at this point. I would love September 11th. That's two months of my life back. Yeah, go fuck yourself and smooches for Johnny from Roy. Oh, thank you No, this is more vaccine stuff Jesus on the subject of autism. I guess that's a popular topic. It's it drew out all the autists Hey taking Johnny. I've written in a few times,

call me Joel. Thank you for your position on how autism is a superpower. Like retards keep saying, my father, myself, and my daughter all have Asperger's. Tight. Or level one autism, as I believe it's called in the US now. We're calling them,

we're giving black belts in autism now? We should really fuck with them and go, like level one is and then there's level two and then there's like soup like give all the levels different I'm just thinking like Rex Quandoh like listen here you level one autist Yeah My father was born in 1945 and grew up with a single mother, no chance in hell of being diagnosed or receiving help or support. When I was a boy, I remember him going to visit his best friend. Turns out the guy had moved to Hawaii two years earlier and didn't inform my dad.

What? That's the level of social connection he was able to establish with another human being. Oh, he moved two years before and your dad didn't know? Knock knock. Hey, where's my friend? He's dead. That's some of a beautiful mind kind of shit. I have incredible pattern recognition, a fantastic memory and an incredible capacity

for learning anything that catches my interest. Yeah, that was a really powerful skill, so they had to make it illegal, pattern recognition. And I just had my third relationship in two years implode because I'm basically socially retarded. I grew up in the 90s. My dad was old like Maddox's. And back then the only kids with autism were also mute.

I slipped through the cracks and I didn't understand my training as a youth has kind of doomed me to continue blowing platonic and romantic relationships. Even as I try my best to improve, that's the, that's really, that's what's causing you problems. You're trying to improve.

Yeah. You think something needs to be improved upon, my friend. No. You're already perfect. You need to gaslight them into thinking that you don't need to improve. That's what I was just telling them. They have the problem.

Like, you're already perfect, dog. You just, you focus on you. But not in that way. And even if you, I mean, it doesn't matter. They're still gonna be upset. How are you gonna know, if you have autism, how do you know when you've improved enough? You know?

Yeah, you have to continually improve to the point of like, you have to become- Suicide. Yeah. I might not even, I might as well not even exist anymore I can't please this woman like yeah, well none of us can Yeah, that's the that's the joke. Yeah, that's the joke. Maybe you guys just don't get the joke. Yeah That's the now we figured out the autism look buddy. It's all a joke and the sooner you realize it Women are women are joking. Yeah, they know that they're doing a joke all of it is a joke. Mm-hmm

They get in a relationship with you. They make you have feelings for them and then they leave they think that's funny Yeah, you just you don't get it. It takes us. Yeah, you have to be cold as ice, you know Yeah You gotta find a way to blow off some steam you got My guy you have built up too much steam over these past few years. What, you said three relationships in two years? Look, maybe autism people,

they gotta learn how to take jokes. Apply that strategy to your dating life. Like, oh, you're kidding. Oh, you said that you loved me, you were just joking. Oh, you said you didn't want onions on your whatever the fuck. You were joking. You got so upset because I mentioned a girl at work. You were joking.

And then they'll go, I wasn't joking! How do you dare? And then you think, oh, they're double down. This is a bit. They're kidding. She's kidding. Yeah. But I'm messing up the joke by pointing it out.

Yes. Nobody wants their joke pointed out exactly Yeah, you know you can't you can't ruin the magic so you have to play along with it knock knock This is a joke you're telling like nobody likes that Right you you can't don't be a bit spiker. It's like the bit don't be a bit I just had a conversation with my mom and you think in your mind. Oh, this is funny Yeah, what a funny joke she's about to say you don't say it right in your mind, oh, this is funny, right? What a funny joke she's about to say.

But you don't say it. Right. You nod your head, and you smile, and you listen. And then once she sees that you're in on the bit, then everything. Then you're in, dude. You just got to realize that everything women say and do is a joke.

It's just a fucking joke. At your expense, most of it. At somebody's expense. Some will, yeah. You got to think of batting averages, right? They're not all gonna be at your expense Some of them will you just want to minimize which ones are at your expense, you know, yeah, that's all Man, if you only got level one autism and it's not like weapons grade. You're good man. Just like Def Con

Is it level one the worst or the most intense? Yeah, is this golf or bowling? Are we going for low score or high score? Well, it must not be autistic because he didn't specify. So level one, level 10, he's probably like, by the way, that's the worst. If level 10, yeah. He said level one is like... That's the worst? And I said, okay, that's definitely the worst. But no, the fact that he's had three relationships in two years, I'm like, okay He's not like he's not off on the deep end clearly he can get some sort of part human to human track

Yeah, you can get your foot in the door your cock in the door. My daughter was recently diagnosed She's been reading at a college level since she was 10 years old since she was two speaks three languages already and Is learning Greek for fun? three languages already and is learning Greek for fun. That's cool. She's incapable of cleaning her room because it overwhelms her and she shuts down. That's also cool.

I have that with my taxes. Yeah, wait a second. So it just sounds like you have a daughter then. So yeah, the uneven skill sets are nice when they let you lead in semi-normal life. I'm lucky that enough that mind you guys like Mark Zuckerberg happen to be highly gifted in a field that will make him a shitload of money But for every one of him there's a guy who's incredible at something

Nobody gives a shit about and he's probably gonna die alone I could write a dozen pages on that, but I think I got my point across. There's a lot of guys are gonna die alone Thanks Joel, okay Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Oh Yeah, dude. Yeah, let me bring that up. Yeah, but we also need to talk to this guy about Canada Yeah, I was just thinking about comics because I'm like I Saw the tweets about from Johnny Rock at Corgan in you and I was like man Not only is this guy funny as shit with the yeah, he had Xai. Yeah, just from looking through this quickly. I'm like man

I'm gonna need a lot more than that fucking preview. The Maniac is available on Indiegogo. Great name too. Johnny Rocket and Corgan. Johnny Rocket does the Maddox AI and Corgan does a shitload of art for this show. He made the Shawnees originally. I want to see a Maddox AI comic book next. They made a comic book called The Maniac, which it's,

the preview's funny. Go read for yourself. Already digging it. It's about some, I mean, I don't know how to explain Johnny Rocket's style. You just got to go, yeah. You just got to read it. It's just like the Maddox AI, but he

does it in like a comic book. And it just comes off really well. It's like a sarcastic version of the tick Yeah, that's a great way of putting it. He just writes like a piece of shit As someone who doesn't read I sat there and read all of that So I'm so burnt out on comics right right and I got us. I gotta buy this god damn thing I'm so sick of hearing about comics in general, as I just bring it up, of course. But I was like, finally, like, a little bit of sunshine

on a cloudy day, right? A little bit of sunshine for the comics world. A little bit of shade in this desert of... All right, let me bring the niggler on. Amazing. Let me know if you're around, John, then we'll do everyone's favorite. ["Fat Watch", by John Williams playing on the radio.] -"Fat Watch." -"Sweet."

-"Today in Fat News." Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm. Still waiting for Fat Woman Alert, too. Ooh, you think I could combine them? I just think that the fat part, and then, like, you put, like, a half step in there, so it's like, Fat Woman Alert, you know, but maybe not that... Yeah.

...doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. Oh, dude, we didn't talk about Kanye swastika shirt. Did we we did and he stepped out in it this week Oh, he stepped out in it. You didn't see it. It's like Bigfoot. That's funny I was over the swastika shirt until I saw I'm wearing it around and like okay. I'm okay I'm back in then. Let's see Kanye swastika shirt. Like it's all grainy, the picture of him. It's like he's wearing a shirt with like a swear word on it that he wants everybody to see, you know, like a kid.

That's cool. He was rebelling. Here he is. Look at him, he looks so stupid. Where- alright, here it is, here it is, here at him. He looks so stupid Where all right here it is here it is here it is God these ads on these videos remember when he was running for president And he was like going to churches and stuff and talking about love and stuff like that and now he's walking around Yeah, la with us. So I'm gonna west now. No, no, no this Sunday service once again at the center controversy The rapper was like in Los Angeles wearing a shirt featuring a swastika

Yeah, he does look like a little kid wearing like fuck on a shirt Really got me so he got his swastika shirt, but everyone else got their money refunded is that what? Happened here shirt worth even more now. Is that what happened with Hitler? He goes to the Matsi meetup and he's like, hey everybody check out my Swassica shit. And they're like, oh, but yeah, but our stuff got refunded Hitler. We don't have any cool Swassica stuff. We didn't get any Hugo Boss shit.

We're just wearing normal stuff. We got Hugo mid-level managers Yeah, both have armbands. He's like check out my armband pretty cool, huh? Look awesome. You guys look dumb. You guys are all brown. You look stupid Right that didn't happen I Just love the thought of Hitler venable you guys are all brown you guys look stupid I just love the thought of Hitler being able you guys are all brown They said fuck Hitler. I'm not doing Hitler stuff. Yeah, I'm not doing Nazi stuff if I don't get to wear

No, that's not what Hitler did right? Everyone got armbands I'm surprised he didn't use it as like a symbol and like a haven't say like Kanye or something use a swastika for like a You know, just like something I'm kind of surprised to You know just you gotta you can't just take something that's already been done. You gotta take it and like elevate it, at least a little. But you know, he's an artist who's sampled things before. He should know. John, you gotta unmute yourself.

I should be able to hear you now. Hello? Hey, what's up, man? What's going on, guys? Welcome. I'm pissed my Swastika shirt isn't coming in. You got one, too? No.

Oh. I wish. I mean, you didn't order one? Nah. I'm waiting on Swastika coin, actually. Oh, I'm not hype on Swastika coin. No? No, I'm out of meme coins.

I'm sick of them oh too many rug pulls too many rug pulls too many insiders to fighting right side is yeah too many rug munchies I'm surprised that the that the Nazis in the Ku Klux Klan aren't like selling swastika shirts. Now's the time. Now is the time. They should be capitalizing on this. Wait, how come they're not making all the racist meme coins?

What the fuck? Yeah, where are, they're sleeping on this. Wow. One of the biggest celebrities in the world's walking around in a swastika shirt and the racists are just like, they're not touching it. They think you're too good for Kanye, do you think? That's funny.

I mean, they need the money now that USAID got cut. Yeah. That too. Okay. You're in Canada, yeah? Yeah. How's it going up there? Cool.

Not good. I think we're fucked six ways to Sunday. Why's that? Well, they imported a lot of Southeast Asians. Oh yeah, did they? Canada? I think that's the politically correct term

that the media's using now. How bad is it? How many Southeast Asians are there in Canada? Um... Well... I think they were like... between five to ten percent of the population, up until... four years ago, and now it's...

they're like 20 percent. Oh my gosh. Is that true? Yeah. It's staggering. Twenty percent? God damn. That's a lot of Indians. That's doubled in the past four years. Oh wow.

We've got like a lot of the same like house building like restrictions, so like there's just no new housing being made. Yeah, you're fucked. And like, now that's crazy. Now they're driving all of our transport trucks and crashing into shit, driving off bridges and stuff. Yeah. It's kind of funny. Yeah. Until your shit gets delayed.

Yeah. Yeah. So there's that. Plus, a lot of Canadians, it seems like, don't really know what the fuck's going on they just see Trump is putting tariffs on Canada. So their first reaction is to Fight back against that even though what you should be doing is like hey, maybe we should look guys Maybe we should maybe we should take care of this fentanyl problem. There's people crossing over the border All willy-nilly the triads run Vancouver Maybe we should take care of this fentanyl problem. There's people crossing over the border. All willy-nilly, the triads run Vancouver. There's like a shit ton of money laundering. Do not redeem the house. Does anybody like, does anybody have a problem that, they're the Indians or 20% of the country?

Are they allowed to say it or they just don't care? Do you guys even have somebody who says get rid of these guys? No. Oh man. Which is fucking annoying. There was one lady who I heard was running for new head leader of the Liberal Party He just kicked out of the running because she said she wanted to do deportations Wow Okay, it's nuts not to mention like the how many taught like strong ties we have to China like we still have the

Did you hear about like the Chinese police stations they have in Canada? And I think they had in the States for a little bit. I've heard about that. No, what's that? They've got these like, they're like set up as like cultural centers where Chinese citizens can come in to just check in,

but really what they're being used for is to monitor Chinese nationals. Spies? Yeah, like outside the country so they can blackmail them. Like, oh, you are doing this thing we don't like. Well, I understand you have family back in China, so it'd be a real shame if we arrested them. What's something that they don't like? That they don't want to see you do?

Well, they don't like Falun Gong users, which is like a type of meditation. Oh, okay. Cult. They're still on that cult shit. China's still on the religion shit. Wow. All right. Yeah It sounds like quite a country you guys are running up there. Oh, no, it's it's fun, I think a lot of the rage against Like what our government did to the country is silently building up. It's just our media system is so tightly controlled that if you're not like on

Twitter or looking at like alternate forms of news, everything you think is wrong. Yeah. I blame it on Kijiji who's that took the Canadian Craigslist? I'm just impressed by this kind of shit. Have I had the Kanye shirt up the whole time? I should probably take that off the screen At least he did something. At least he did something. He bitched out, but then he bitched back in with this. He put out a finished product, at least. Do you think he regrets it just looking at him,

like standing there with his fuck shirt? Do you think he feels a little stupid there? He looks like Snoopy as Joe Cool, man. What are you talking about? Oh, he looks cool. Yeah, he does. With his sunglasses on? Standing there with his hands straight down

He's like ah this wasn't as funny as I thought it would be we've all been there. Yeah, you know Okay, John you want to do fat watch with us. Yeah, sure Okay, hey dick how much is this in tungsten's? This is from Atlee Go fuck yourself. Oh, this is the heart attack grill Oh my god, dude, they are Two women They are taking up the loading dock the loading ramp that they have built here for the heart attack grill was still not wide enough for both of them to walk down side by side.

They had to stagger it like loading an aircraft carrier. Here we go. How much you think they're how much you think they weigh Johnny together? Ooh, yeah, I've won us. I want to see at least a six on there six together. I'm Counting on it. Okay. I'm gonna say five. Yeah, you say five you say over six or under Over 600 or under I want to see a six, but realistically it will be a five. Okay, I'm gonna go I'm gonna say oh

You're gonna go over to? 649. Wow, that's a big bitch, alright. Oh my god, what? AHHHH! What the f- A thousand- one thousand pounds. John, nice work, my friend. And then they've got a third one out of nowhere off the top rope. I like the 666. Satan had to come in for this one.

Oh my god. She's running in like slow motion. That's crazy. Oh my god, oh my god! 1442 pounds, three women. They're still climbing! 1480! He's still climbing! 1480! HUUUH! AHHHH! Dude, it looks like, um... God, it looks like the Price is Right scoreboard.

Jesus Christ! New dinette set. Wait, who sent this one in again? That was... Atlee. Atlee, thank you. That's a Fat Watch record. Oh my God. At least on the Heart Attack Grill measurement. My God. You need a forklift to lift them all up You would be to trident lift for sure Oh

Lord, okay. All right. Thanks at leader. Oh Fuck squiz hey dick, I missed last week's submission, but here's a few for this week a fat lady crash out. Okay sick I love crash outs. Yeah crash outs are always cool People are truly sick And this is a woman screaming at somebody in the street You know who I am? You know who I am? What is your name? Okay. You're nobody? You're a fucking ugly, purgent, fat bum! You look purgent! You look fucking Iranian!

Should we go? Don't you know who I work for? You're the fucking gorgeous girl in the fucking... Who the bitch? Whoa! Look at the size of her! Whoa! She is blowing off some insulin steam. Wow!

She looks like if Stay Puft was one of those pink marshmallow peeps instead. Yeah, Maddie has came in. Maddie's tearing everything out. She has some nerve saying she's a... the most beautiful woman in the world. The most beautiful woman in the world. That's crazy. Wow. I'm gonna beat the shit out of you! You fucking little dickless, prison fuck! I'm gonna beat the crap out of you! Okay? You're fucking nasty! You're fucking nasty! Whoa!

Hahaha! I like that she goes spitting. That sounds like assault. Uh... Oh, yeah. Very cool. I like how she's like, I'm gonna beat the crap out of you.

Crap out of you! Aaaaaah! Like, you already said he's a small dick Persian. It's not gonna be offensive if you say shit. That's not very nice. Now she's al- she's almost out of insults. Yeah. Your pee-pee's small? Your pee-pee's- your dick's small, you're gay.

I'd never fuck you. I'd never fuck you. No woman's ever fucked you. And you must hate your mom. That's what they got. Aw hell naw, woman at Spirit Airlines. All right, let's see. I wonder if that was just out of the blue or that guy was bugging her while they were in line. Oh, fuck enough. He was probably asking her if she was gonna eat

her whole lunch or something like that. I know they have a big problem with that. Or he was talking about how he needs to lose weight. Congrats on the baby. Thank you. She was probably gonna ask her if she was gonna take all day when she was gonna order. Yeah, how long long you gonna take?

Do I have time to take a shit and drive home, change clothes first, and put some furniture together? Before you're done ordering? Alright, here's a woman. This woman isn't that fat though. This is just an angry black woman. Damn. But she belly bumped her onto the conveyor belt. She belly bumped her. Wow.

That's crazy. You see that again. Do not play with me. Do not play with me, because I'll go suck another dirty dick. Go suck another dirty dick? That's a Spirit Airlines? Wow. Man, that's the only one that hasn't crashed yet.

They get real at Spirit Airlines. I've never heard of Spirit Airlines crashing once. You know, it'll be in the air barely, but man. Yeah. Do not play it because I'm not the one or the two. You're not the one or the two. Damn. Let's go.

You ain't got shit now. You ain't got shit now. You want the one or the two? She's going to give her the piss or the shit. Like I said, keep my fucking name out your mouth, bitch. You want the peepee or the poopie? She's talking directly into her nostrils. Fuck out of here. Fuck out of here.

Fuck out of here before I smack the shit out of you. You're not gonna smack shit. Charm me. Charm me. Charm me, Chankeka. I'll be your jack in your ass. Ma'am, I just want to check my bag. They're all black? Is this a spirit initiative? They got six black women working here?

Mm-hmm. Wow. Fuck out of here, you dirty bitch! It's like I'm watching Netflix. Menu. John's like, I'm gonna be ten minutes late for my flight. Could you just please like, let me go? Bitch, I'm not dead for nothing! Yes you are! Fuck out of here! You ain't right here as fucking bitch! Damn!

Fuck out of here! Who's recording this? Go suck a dick! Like I say, I say what I say, and... I say what I say! Please step to me like you want it! Yeah, step to her! Oh man, that's great.

Damn! Imagine George Jefferson fucking icing you out like that at work. Uh, okay, here's Kaz Rekker. So bring the whole building down, he says. Okay. All right. What do we got here? Oh, wow.

This is a woman doing upside down aerials training, but her ass is like spilling out the back like a mattress, like a futon. Ooh. It's like one of those, here's a callback. It's like a castor mattress that you freshly took out of the box. Watching it expand. De-compress, yeah.

And then she's taking some sort of a sassy picture here. Wearing all white, like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Yeah. Okay. That is, it's like... Looks amazing. Your weight stop you from doing and trying new things for 2025. Just look at a cow with a slaughterhouse. I want to give a big shout out...

Rocky's gonna come in there and start... They're f**king rovers. I'm so invested in this and I cannot wait to see what I can do. Never let your weight stop you from doing and trying new things for 2025. Come on, Rocky! You gotta punch him out of there, Rocky! Come on, Rocky! She's so invested because it's not cheap to make structural supports that could hold her back. Let your weight come on rock doing 25 come on She's so invested because it's not cheap to make structural supports that could hold her ass up Uh, you should let your weight hold you back from some things

Yeah, not you know some things definitely hanging upside down. Yes, that's a that's one Well, you got to think too at a certain point, either all the blood is going to rush to her head and not have any way back down. Yeah. Or all the syrup will rush to her head. Right. Well, that was. It'll go into an insulin coma.

Live interview, wow, for being fat, I guess. Amazing. That's cool. Well, it's like a scientific thing. It's like a medical interview. It's a medical show? They tricked her, like, like a scientific thing. It's like a medical interview. It's a medical show? They tricked her like intervention to come on. Yeah, it's like those old Bugs Bunny episodes

where they're doing surgery in like the theater and you got all the med students sitting around. Yeah. Oh, come on. I thought her ass was the back of the horse for a second. The horse should be riding her. There's a big gigantic fat woman where her ass is like a different, her ass is from a different body that's in a different,

uh, that's a different amount away. It's working on a different perspective system. Oh, the delay just caught up. Jesus Christ. Oh, look at that dump truck. Uh, her ass is bigger than the horses. It might be bigger than the horse. Oh yeah it is.

Oh she's gonna kill that horse. No fuck off. She's gonna break the horses back. I'm sorry if you're that fat you can't ride a horse. Who are these guys? Who is this guy kidding with his? He's padding his his thigh He's got his leg bent at 90 degrees and he's padding his thigh for this 600 pound woman to somehow hoist herself Well, it's like a 600 pound ass with like a half a woman stapled to the top of it and this poor woman over here

I don't know what she's doing there. She's gonna get flattened or eaten. I Think she's the appetizer. This horse has its ears pointed back because he knows he's in danger of getting killed. Because this guy wants to make thirty dollars. Somewhere in Vietnam, I guess. I don't know what's happening here. So why are they on the beach? That's like even less stable for the horse. Right. Oh my god, she's lifting her legs up

like she's never climbed a step in her life. Like she's trying it out for the first time. Yeah, a lady who can't put her own shoes on is gonna attempt to get on a fucking horse. On the beach. You think she's gonna make it? Look man, weevils wobble but they don't fall, right? John, you think she's gonna make it up on the horse?

I'm worried she is. You're worried that she is, yeah. I'm worried for that fucking horse. I'm hoping that she spills out over, she tips over, or that the horse just bolts, obviously. I hope she falls head first into the sand and we just see two little feet kicking. Like through the sand?

Oh! Yeah, I hope she falls straight to China. Oh, Lord! Ooh, Lord! She looks like Mrs. Puff on SpongeBob, Like through the safe? Yeah, I hope she falls straight to China. Oh Lord! Oh Lord! She looks like Mrs. Puff on SpongeBob, the driving instructor kinda. Like that shape, body kinda. Okay.

Oh my Neptune. Oh this is a- They make the skinniest lady in the world try and lift a fat bitch? This is- Now they got guys coming out of the woodwork like Kendrick Lamar's halftime show guys coming out to hoist her ass over This guy's gonna take a running start and dive down between her legs and shove her up on this This guy is getting a snapped shin bone

These guys really do not value their lives. No. These are the positions they're taking. Step on my knee. Okay, that's the end of your knee. That's the end of your knee career. She's gonna step on his knee and it's gonna sink his foot all the way into the dirt.

Yeah. Those guys- She's gonna crush these people. This guy's putting the most strain any human has ever had on a back before lower back zero fulcrum just all They needed to build her a ramp like the pyramid pyramids in Egypt They should at least let some of the air in her tires out for more Yeah, boy, it's my boy. It's my boy and see

They don't have like a stepladder that she could pretend to use I'm surprised they didn't dig a big hole for the horse Yeah, yeah, like an oil change pit or something I'm surprised they don't have that at this resort Just a permanent giant hole horse backs into it And then you're fat ass can slide on top and then you ride away She should be prosecuted back in the US for animal cruelty. You can't go rape kids in Thailand and then come back and you're fine. You should be prosecuted for this as well.

Unless you're Gary Glitter. Unless you're Gary Glitter. And just live on a boat forever. Ha ha ha. They don't really have a strategy for getting her up. They're all just kind of standing there. I like how no one's- Does it look like they're making it up as they go? Well you'd think that this would have happened before, to be honest.

Like unless this video was shot in the 90s. Looks like we're watching AI try to solve this problem. Big fat black women inexplicably going to exotic locations and riding horses has been happening for a while. Maybe it's a Carnival Cruise destination or something, but they should have a protocol for this. Yeah, they should. I think the only thing women of that size should be able to ride is an elephant. That's it.

I think the elephant should be allowed to just squeeze all the life out of them. I think there should be a rule if you've eaten one you can't ride it. You know, so she's eating a whole horse. She can't ride a- She's not allowed to ride 5,000 chickens. Yeah. No, she's not. Damn it. No, actually no. Okay, so this is a three minute video

and we're at 40 seconds. They're adjusting. They're adjusting. Now this guy's gonna try to pick her up This gentleman these guys are they have each grabbed one of her thighs and They are lifting her up. I Guess with the hopes of flinging her onto the horse. She's understandably freaked out Because she's lost contact with the ground

for the first time in her entire life. This is a woman whose arms are the size of legs. Yeah. I hope they just go straight up and over, head first into the dirt. She's flailing her arm legs, her upper legs. I hope a giant wave comes by and just takes them home okay they gave

up on that there that guy's flicking his hands of grease or something well guys I was gonna say I notice how no one's directly behind her hmm yeah thanks well that's how they're doing it at the ocean too they were trying to lift the horse at first I go wait We got the wrong one. Mm-hmm That horse is pissed Yeah God, you can only just stand there and see it coming Okay, now they're regrouping This is like trying to move a couch. Yeah. Okay, let's think about this.

This is the first time they've seen a minotaur riding a horse. It's stuck in the stairway and you've hit your first snag. Yeah. It's not fitting through the door. All right, think it down. We're overthinking it. Yeah. Just throw it on there.

Okay, this one's not carrying your shit. Yes, sir. Really? Yes. And he lost his wife. Yes. He persisted survive. Yes. No cash, no house.

She's saying, you've never had a woman as fat as me ride this horse? And he's saying yes for some reason. Yeah. Even though there's no way that's possible. He told the truth. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Big no-no. I think that's her nickname is big no no. Okay let's give it another try.

We've rested, we thought about it, we all saw how stupid this was. Now they're going to give it the ol' college try. You hesitated at college. Yeah, I was trying to think of a fat word for college. He's trying, he's going back to the ol' reliable, alright bitch, if you could just step up, all you have to do is put one of your hooves On my thigh and then this will magically vault the rest of you over this tiny horse You just scissor lift a series of

This is a rope. Ha ha ha ha ha. Where are you going? I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going.

I'm not going. I'm not going. At what point does she decide riding this horse isn't worth this? Not once. Don't let your weight hold you back. Yeah. Is that one of these types of things?

The Swiss cheese family Robinson over here. And then the horse is going to break in half. Yeah. Obviously. Obviously the horse is going to die. Obviously, obviously. Obviously, the horse is going to die. Obviously. Looking at the horse's legs. He's accepted death. Yeah.

This horse is a rapist, though. This is actually a horse justice. It's actually Jeffrey Epstein reincarnate. But not to punish him for the rapes, just for the business dealings. Yeah. He's gotten one of his friends over to help the guy goes what are you trying to do? You're not trying to put he's acting out. Look look this right here. He goes no no no no

Damn oh they found it they crafted this bench. They've spent all this time crafting it Why doesn't this guy have his pants pulled up? Yeah Crafting that why doesn't this guy have his pants pulled up? Yeah He's even got a belt on he's got a belt his pants around his thighs I even brought a belt today what the fuck This is Coney general hat yeah, what the fuck is the point of that belt They're patting it Patting it like she's a horse trying to get her to come up there. Yeah.

Come on, come on, come on, come on. Look, come on, come on, come on, come on. They're trying to inspire confidence in its structural integrity. Of which it has none. This thing is, this is not gonna work. They should've brought an apple for the fat woman. I'm the fat woman.

I'm the fat woman. Maybe some oats. Now all the guys are pounding on the piano bench to demonstrate its structural integrity. She can't even lift her leg up high enough to get on that bench. No, she can't get on the bench. They're all lifting her leg together

to get her on top of the bench. This is how they got Humpty Dumpty up on the wall. Why do you want to ride a horse this bad? Fuck! No one ever talks about how they got him up there, do they? They only talk about trying to get him down. Yeah. No, John, you bring up a good point.

What does she think is going to achieve? The wind in her hair and jumping over hedges. That horse is going to walk to the horse execution euthanasia center. Give up its last breath under her gargantuan guns. Yeah, this horse is being executed right now, actually. Yeah. Oh, I thought I saw a live leek insignia in the corner. Fuck.

OK, she's got one leg. Oh, he's got his pants on. Wait a minute, is this the guy with the... So his pants are like a... like 20 inches too big for his body. That's her pants maybe. Well that's like rolling up your sleeves, right? He's got to think about what's going on here and how he can help.

They've got one of her legs picked up like they're shoeing a horse. Like the way you pick it up behind you. She's about to shoe a hippo, yeah. That's it! And then she gave up. That's it! Alright, that's it. Dang it. Damn it.

That is the plight of the fat woman. Yeah, okay. Make a big deal and then end up doing nothing. Nothing. But then going home crying and saying how exhausted. Getting upset about it. I spent all my energy today. They need to make the horses bigger.

They do have bigger horses. No, John, that was a Clydesdale. That was one of the Budweiser Clydesdales. That was a Clydesdale. Okay, this is the last one. The teacher explains why it's okay to put a pride flag in the classroom. Oh, and she's fat. A lot of shocker, okay.

There's a math teacher and I have a pride flag in my classroom. My job is to teach students math. But it's significantly more than just that. Some of the students that I teach might not have liked their previous math teachers, might not know how to learn math, may have never even passed a math class before. So, so much of my job is building an atmosphere and a persona that the students feel comfortable learning from me. A persona?

This is the persona that the kids like? She's playing persona, yeah. Learning is scary. Queer mouth? Failure is tough. And failure is required to learn. I'm asking my students to be vulnerable with no No, no, I don't want my kids vulnerable about around anyone

The pride flag is one of the many ways that I show my kids Regardless of who they are that you are safe in my class No matter who you are who you love where you come from who you love so yeah, I think that makes sense Everything about that screams child molester. Yeah, not do not say any of that around kids I think it was five who famously said bust a nut inside your eye to show you where I come from What does that mean bust a nut inside your eye show you where I come from oh I got it All right, I want to see where anyone comes from I John get out of unless you have more get out of here Nah nah just know that Canada screwed and they will actually I'm very worried that we're gonna become the 51st state

like actually just cuz if there's like a state, like actually, just cause if there's like a, if there's like a war with China, they, they're, the US is not going to want some like vassal state with so many ties to all this other shit. That's all I got. Yeah, it seems like it's becoming like a problem for us. All the stuff you guys are doing. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like all the China shit, being half Indian, this is an issue for us. All the fentanyl. We also added half the letters to the LGBTQIA+. Oh, did you? Two souls. Yeah. Oops. Sorry. Yeah. You'll like being in America.

At least you guys make coffee crisp. That's a good candy bar. Yeah. I don't really know what the difference would be. Like you're kind of, you do so much trade with America. Like your laws are basically the same, but shittier. Yeah. Right? What would be the big deal? I'm personally for it, but some Canadians still think that Canada has like a national

identity. Yeah, Texas thinks that too, but yeah, they still pay taxes. John, do you say pasta or pasta? Pasta. Oh, okay. Yeah, then you're not. I've also been told I talk like an American, so. Oh, okay, good.

You do sound American. All right, get out of here, Jon. Good to talk to you. Alright, bye guys. See ya. Yeah, see ya, Jon, that was awesome. Okay, that's the show, everybody. Patreon.com slash The Dick Show. Dick.show, I'll see you next week.

See you next Monday. See you Monday. I've got to get into these Indiana Jones Chronicles cars. What do you want, GoldenEye or do you want Indiana Jones or do you want home improvement? Surprise me. Surprise you? All right, let's do GoldenEye. All right, well I gotta get into Indiana Jones.

Okay, you do GoldenEye. Fuck. I am fucking starving. Presenting. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Oh, you got Elsa, I see. I did. All right.

Here we go. Okay. So I have a theory about why all of the characters names in Eric's comics are all like weird and don't really will to to talk very well. Yeah Anyone who is like a Really shitty writer and like if you like play Dungeon Dragons and shit We have to make a lot of names quickly and you're lazy what you do is you think of a character and you think of their character traits and

Then you just like find a word and then you go on Google Translate and then type in that word and then you get like a different language name of it like the guy's name is Solari which is a really weirdly feminine name for like a Superman Italian greaseball opera singer in my flat or the sky in my use an Italian oil baron and the one guy's name. A lot of you know something that probably means like fashion in like Italian or something or you show acidization that you shall. A historical figure.

Yeah, this is a glass. That's fucking cool. It's just like really lazy writing writing shit It's weird It's they're all weird names and they're naming Like a Russian generic Russian guy like Sergey or something like that or Ivan Because I mean, you know how to pronounce that. Ivan the Space Biker, man. Everything he writes is written not to be spoken. So whenever he does read something

and he's all given the jibber jabber, that's he's reading through. Look at my new comic, his name is The Salvage. Or salvage, I don't know. Would be spoken. So it's all just. Thomas garbage man. Is the salvage. Hector garbage man is the salvage. Hector Caballo is the horse man.

Like are you making fun of comics or what? Sola man, Solari. Thomas garbage is the coolest. Thomas garbage is the salvage coming to an issue near you. Wow look at this. Oh shit I'll take it off I'll put retired Same PO box, that's a give it to him. That's a great

Okay, so if you do want to contact me, yeah, Johnny Morgan dotnet slash contact I have a little drop-down form where you could there's a complaint department and a One for questions. So if you oh oh you really want to email me that bad I am available on Twitter, but you know sorry look at this 3d shit Maybe we could get some 3d cards well look at the cards because it's it's actually a set of binoculars on the other side What like check it out? Oh? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? I saw that the 3d glasses, but I only got one 3d card Why isn't the whole thing 3d cards? They's how they fucking get you, dude. That's the chase cards. Now I wanna open another pack.

Open the other one, because I've never seen that before. This is cool. Let me go check out Eric's bidness page. The Rippaverse sucks. Why would he make this video? That's provocative. Well, to answer that guy's question too,

I think someone found out they they're all like self inserts. They're all like people he knows or like family names or something weird. That makes sense. It's something weird like that. I think, I don't know. I smoke a lot of weed and go on Twitter and don't remember what I read all the time.

So who fucking knows? The Ripperverse sucks. So you don't like the Ripperverse? You think all our books suck? That's fine. We're not entitled to your support But let's take a real look at what we've built. So, Ice on 3 didn't do very well So now it's like now he's running all this cope shit. You know that was probably the most polite you've ever phrased anything

Just didn't do it didn't lead up. It didn't live up to expectations, I think. Would you say it didn't do nothing? Uh, I don't know if I would say it didn't do nothing. But it definitely, um, was definitely disappointed. Since launching, the Ripperverse has expanded massively, with over a dozen books spanning multiple genres, creative teams, and storytelling styles. What? Whether it's superhero action, detective noir, horror or cosmic adventures, we've published,

we've pushed boundaries to create something for every kind of comic fan. Now he's got Christian anime. I thought it was a very Dadaist take on bad comic books, but you know. Yeah, I thought it was a bit. Yeah. In this video, I break down the variety in the rip-a-verse catalog from stories by industry veterans like Chuck Dixon and nobody wants that

Joe Bennett Mike Baron and Bart Sears to works by rising creators carving their own paths If you don't like one comic book there's a good chance something else might click if you don't like one of our comic books There's a good chance you won't like another one of our comic books. The shotgun approach. So now he is now he's admitting that the comics some of them suck. Some that some people might think some of them suck. You know Man, I know every every time that I want to go online and just say hey my show sucks, right? I really have always wanted to do a video, but I fought the urge for some reason

Hey everybody, not every episode is for everybody But you might we got so many episodes that it's bending the genre you might find one episode that appeals to you. Yeah Stupid I think this is this is what coping and sneeting is, right? Is that what this is? Let's hear it. You don't like the Ripperverse. Maybe you think the books suck. That's fine.

We're not in trouble. Why would you say this? I can't imagine, like, if you had Sam Hyde read the same exact thing, it would just come off as the saddest, like... Or Stan Lee. Yeah. So, you don't like Marvel you think it sucks that's fine yeah no no energy no this is the admission of a why are you thinking about people thinking it sucks why don't you just focus on the fans this is like a dying man's handshake

right here yeah what talk about what you think is cool limp just ah you're like negotiating with people who say your stuff sucks why Like a comedian coming out now everybody not all these jokes you're gonna like Okay, some of them suck and that's fine. It's fine. If you don't like every one of my jokes Title to your money or support maybe you picked up ISOM number one out of curiosity but didn't vibe with it. Maybe you gave ISOM number two a shot and decided to check out.

That's fair. Because it's retarded. That's it, we released a lot of books since then. Maybe you thought my writing was fine, but the art. Oh. So this is a message to all the people who left after I saw one and two and didn't come back Because they're like well. I don't want to buy a bunch of this trash. I just wanted to buy the one well, here's the part that really fucks me up is right by where your mouse is it says almost 500,000 subscribers and

Less than 8,000 views subscribers and less than 8,000 views. And what's today's the death? So it's been up for a day too. Wow. That is abysmal engagement. Yeah. Work wasn't your thing. Even though we had an industry pro like Cliff Richards,

who's worked on Wonder Woman and Shazam. Maybe it wasn't the art at all. Who gives a fuck? It's all crap. Sucks. Is he talking about Kazantinoffs? Ha ha ha. Look, maybe it sucked, but we had this guy who did Wonder Woman. Look, man, that guy did something cool before.

It wasn't cool this time, but he did something cool at some point in his career. That's the guy with the 3D shit. The guy that just downloads models from SketchUp and then makes the comic book out of them? There's no drawing? I was on a session with a guy one time who told Dr. Dre, he leans over and he goes, well, you know my claim to fame is I worked with Van Halen.

And I looked it up and it was Van Halen's worst record. And I went, well, why would you like, well, he's famous for being fucking dr. Dre? Yeah? He's he's him. He's the guy and you're gonna van Halen album. I've worked on van Halen's shittiest record Wow That's cool. That's what this is Cool not entitled to you know you might think our books suck. You know I may have accidentally called you guys pay pigs recently, but... You know. What an idiot.

Oh, maybe the genre just didn't click with you. Well, there's other books out there that I wrote. I wrote a detective noir story called Salvage P.I. and it's Ryan Dumpster. Thomas Dumpster is Salvage P.I. Thomas Dumpsterton is my father all heavy. Thomas Dumpsterton. I father all the time. Thomas Dumsterton. I live in Trashberg. Okay.

And I run a garbage factory. I shit you not if someone out there makes Thomas Dumsterton in Trashberg, in Garbageburg or wherever the fuck. Dude, it's just like, you're selling just $35 trash. Like it's trash over and over for years, extracting money from people who are all, on the comments, they're like, oh, I can't afford it this month. That's funny.

That's probably my favorite part. I've seen, it's funny cause, okay. And I maintain this too, is think of the most, think of the Pope, right? Think of any, any devout person, right? Right. I guarantee the Pope has even been like, you know, I don't think God's real. When it comes to crack, crack heads will always find their fix,

regardless of whether they have money or not. It's still shameful, but I have never known anyone as devout towards self-destruction. As a crackhead. As a fucking crackhead. It's uh-oh, starting to come down, better get some. Better get some crack. You know, I don't know if God exists. Yeah.

You know the Pope has gone home one day and just been like, you know what, man? I just. And he's not listening. Exactly. Yeah. But then you get crack, and so it's that same thing where it's like, you get this weird undying devotion like hey, man

I'm like I'm down on my luck this month I can get one of your comics though. I can just squeeze a couple together man Okay, let's let's hear more of it sucks to number one Illustrated by Bart Sears a legend who's worked on Justice League Europe X OmenO-Men Award, and Legends of the Dark Knight. Dude, it sucks though, it's stupid. I wrote Sisha, another private investigator story, but with a more modern femme fatale feel. And that's illustrated by the great Kane and White.

These are completely different styles, different tones, different vibes, but maybe you just don't like me as a writer, that's cool. Maybe you prefer- What the fuck, That's cool. Maybe you prefer. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the top of it. The grotesque zoom in, you know? It's somebody who really doesn't understand, like, the point of creating things and people buying it. No, but if you just say you're a creator, you could just... Yeah, look, I got, what do you want?

I got this, I got this, what do you guys want? What do you want? What can I, come on! It's like going to a swap meet and it's like, well, I got Elsa and Spider-Man on this backpack, but I also have Mickey Mouse and Obama on this one. I got Mickey Mouse over here, I got a lunchbox, I got a statue of... We got Dragon Ball Z with all the Donald Duck nephews right here. Come on, I mean you guys want to buy something, don't you? You gotta buy something!

There's gonna be something you'll like. Something you'll like here. There's a, I mean this guy is a famous trash guy. Yeah. This is, this guy puts out all kinds of trash. If there was a fucking famous trash guy, again I'd be on board man. Thomas Dumsterton. For a seasoned veteran writer leading the charge, that's why we brought in Chuck Dixon. Co-creator of Vane, one of the most respected writers in the industry.

Who gives a fuck? Known for Batman, The Punisher, and Nightwing. He teamed up with Joe Bennett who's worked on Immortal Hulk, Deathstroke, and Captain America to create Alpha Corps Number One. That features a superhero cop team operating under Floris Parks' law enforcement. But let's- Yeah, but what was it about?

Like, The Punisher is about a guy whose mind snaps and he decides to just murder and extract vengeance like a demon or an angel on bad guys. That's what it's about. He's just the guy who can't help himself from curry. So he's always punishing everyone's toilets. That's about something. Right. It's not, it's not the, it's the Punisher isn't by the guy who made Punisher.

It's a story that's about something. No, no, no, but that's a much more compelling story. It's, you know. Why, why don't you guys like our stuff? It's like this is made by that guy and this is made by the guy who made this what's it about though? Well, it's a cop team. No pass. Well, it's like a but it's a Prince record. I'm like, yeah, it probably sucks Yeah, it's I guarantee it's unlistening bull if Prince was on it. So you look I made all this stuff that sucks But surely there's something that's good inside of it. Mm-hmm.

Right? That's how it works. It's just endless trash. And something is good eventually. It's like the equivalent to like a lower tier than like those Palmer brand chocolates you get in like Easter baskets and shit. Oh, yeah. And you're like- The dollar store ones. Yeah, you're like,

Ehh, it's technically, I- I guess it's a gift, but just throw it away. Yeah. Don't spend money on it. Just because it's a gift, but just throw it away. Yeah. Don't spend money on it. Just because it exists doesn't mean I should consider it. Yeah. Don't care for Alpha Core, maybe because I created them.

Then there's the horseman walking the florist park, which is a gritty street level vigilante story, and that's written by Chuck Dixon and illustrated by Joe Bennett, but- But what is it? A gritty street level whatever is not what it is. What is it? No, but it's horsemen. He just said... Mammion is about a guy whose parents were killed and he's suffered his entire life because

out of control crime. But he's still traumatized by the murder of his parents, so he becomes a secret billionaire crime fighter to go beyond the law in a way that the corrupt government can't do to bring bad guys to justice. No, it's a gritty street level thing where he's just the Batman. What's Batman? Oh, it's a gritty street level story. Oh, that's thrilling.

Wow. Also written by Chuck Dixon. Your ass. What's Superman? It's a superhero story. It's Superman, yeah. Truth, justice, and the American way. It's about American exceptionalism. A guy from the middle of America can embody the spirit of the entire country and the whole world

and become more than all of us and more than himself. He can demand more than himself the things that he was born with. He's an alien too, you know. He's not American, but he becomes American and dies and fights for the country. Thinking about it too much. He's just the Superman. That's all I need to know. You want to learn more, go read it.

Go read it, you know, or it sucks. And you might like the Batman. Look, you might not like the Superman. Air Creation. Or maybe you want something more grounded, no powers, just sheer intelligence. That's where Gooding the Polymath comes in, and that's written by Mike Baron, the creator of Nexus and the Badger,

and illustrated by Will Conrad, who's work includes justice league. It's this fucking Wario marketing bullshit! Mm-hmm. Oh, so you don't like the super, you don't like superpowers. What do you mean I don't like superpowers? What the fuck is a superpower to you?

He still doesn't know. What is it? What do I not like then? That this doesn't have, that the other ones do have? Well he's a super intelligent polymath that only has actually existed like a dozen times in all of human history who's able to understand everything instantly, never has to think about anything all language and math and he's a super scientist what the fuck is that then Well, that's just intellectualism. Just smart stuff. No powers. He can't fly. Yeah. Well, then I guess there's yeah Then you nailed it then it's a regular guy

Outlier in the slightest bit. Yeah, he's just a poly myth Wolverine and Black Panther gooding is a technological genius proving that you don't need superpowers to make an impact. Or maybe you're looking for something with a different creative voice. So he has superpowers, he's just used his super intellect to make them. He's trying to be like the Chris Gaines of the superhero world. Yeah. Oh, look, I got these superpowers, but see I'm just like a... I'm actually this guy. I have- what are your superpowers? None. How'd you build all these robots and shit? I have super... I'm just like a I'm actually this guy I'm what are your superpowers none how'd you build all these robots and shit I'm super and

like math just like it yeah I'm decent at math I have a grasp of it yeah I just tinker around that's where Jen and Sylvia Saska come in they're filmmakers and comic writers and they wrote Black Widow and they satiric play they're handling Yaira a female character but maybe superheroes aren't your thing so And they suck too! And they suck too! Dude! Dude! He just told us the Superheroes Horner thing like a bunch of times in a row. He's like, maybe you don't like Superheroes.

Maybe you like horror stories about vampires and stuff. Maybe I don't like anything. Do you have something for that? Perhaps. What if I just hate everything? What if I'm a hater? and stuff. Maybe I don't like anything. Do you have something for that, perhaps? What if I just hate everything? What if I'm a hater? Then what do you got for me? What if there's an option to buy the comic book

and watch a stream where it's dropped into a paper shredder? Yeah. From the Soska sisters, and they specialize in that. It follows the blood witch, Sydney Bloodruth. Maybe you want something, though, a little more out there. Cliche. A sci-fi Adventure that's where dirty I wanted Guardians of the Galaxy ripoff That's what I want comes in and that's written by look at that disgusting little free

Carol Brown and that's just what's out right now across What else are you ripping off? The reverse has already put out more than a dozen books across several different titles over a thousand pages covering a wide range of genres and storytelling styles. The Great War of Separation, that lays down the foundation for major events in the Ripperverse, giving readers a deeper look into the world building and lore if you're a nerd for that.

And we're taking things out. And if you're not then who gives a shit? Go buy this other thing. The more he says Ripperverse, I just think of like, like like the ass rip a verse like everyone's just sitting around farting all day Yeah, cuz it's like it's all just like he wants to hear himself talk about it say your name over and over and over and over And over this is a legitimize see look there's pictures of like our art and stuff. This is Chuck Dixon. In your ass. In your ass. The Ripperverse. Nobody wants that.

Ass Ripperverse. Yeah. Again, to his credit though, at least he has finished fucking comic books. At least he got something done somewhere. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's harder than it looks. The one point.

Yeah. At least you suck. Yeah. At least it sucks. At least it's done and we can least you suck. Yeah. At least it sucks. At least it's done and we can say you suck. Azimuth with Zaylin, our first major spacefaring shot. Game of Thrones. First major.

Storytelling possibilities. It's the major babies. And if none of that, none of that interests you. Yeah, it sucks. That's fine too. Maybe you're looking for something all ages. Grab Akramatik Chronicles by J. David. Maybe you want a Japanese inspired series-ages grab acromatic Chronicles by jay David Maybe you want a Japanese inspired series check out gave the Christian anime

Everyone's yellow like this is star boy. That's what makes it anime. See they're all Japanese Yeah, with Johnny young Bosch Christina V Matt Lanter and James Arnold Taylor both acromatic Chronicles And what as a fuck is any of this about? Both acromatic Chronicles and game. What the fuck is any of this about? Acromatic sounds like acrobatic acromegal a stories Yeah, it's Mm-hmm a brawling the guardians are published by represent or maybe you just don't like me It wasn't nothing with what I'm involved in okay, then what do you have to sell? There are plenty of other indie publishers

and creators putting in the work. Iconic Comics has a growing catalog, including Common America by Tim. Okay, I don't give a shit about this. That's bad. Maybe you just don't give a shit about me at all. Why would you put it into, if you're trying to establish your brand,

or at least like not show that the you know show the cracks in the veneer mm-hmm why the fuck would you make that why why put it into people's brains You'd want to make a video like this is this look at this This is awesome, and if that's not an end and if you think that's it. There's even more right yeah And there's this and if you think that's it, there's even more, right? And there's this. And if you think that's it, there's not, that's not it, there's even more. Not, if you think that sucks, where do you see this? And if you think that sucks,

where do you see this shit that sucks? And then look at all this stuff together, all of it sucks, you can go somewhere else. If it was Lloyd Kaufman doing it, fine. That's funny. For him to do it, it's just like, now I just think it's not I think it actually sucks people don't know how to what's the phrase it's a bug or it's not a

feature it's a or it's not a bug it's a bug it's a feature yeah you have to play up all your fuck ups be like look I saw him three didn't sell as much and you know we just didn't promote it as hard but then you know it doesn't you know just like there's ways to like hey where'd you guys all go with my money? That's that video. Yeah, that's where. You guys had my money. You were giving it to me, but now it's gone. Not that I think you're all pay pigs or anything. It's just, you know... I just need that money.

Yeah. Okay, Park, speaking of money, check out the new bonus episode. That was a doozy. That was a doozy. With Maddox's interview with Dr. Joe continues. We talk about Dr. Joe, the cartographer with a map in his background and not a real globe in his office. Maddox talks about how we all need to go to jail. Yes.

Deserve to go to jail. In his fake house. In his fake house. Also, if someone could do a Maddox AI of him singing, what is it, take a taste of Life by the Talking Heads. This is not my beautiful house. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I want.

You want the Talking Heads. Yeah, I just want to imagine it if anything. Hey Dick, hey Johnny. Yo. Dick, you're. Oh, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip, sorry. Hey Dick, hey Johnny. Dick, you're wrong about park rangers.

Oh. Listen, I'm not saying I'm all for it, but you talk about how bad Indian and Chinese tourists are with park rangers and I'm not saying I'm all for it but you talk about how bad Indian and Chinese tourists are with park rangers man if they normalize being able to throw a tent every anywhere like do you know how literally shitty it would get so quick like well then why are they always bothering me And not the Indians. Whoa, I almost died there. I was gonna say, oh, that was the end of that call. After you're outside, you need to be maintained and I'm... Yeah, no, no, no. Then don't let... Don't let foreigners in the parks then.

I paid for them. So only let Americans in the parks. Easy solution. Fuck off. You wanna be a tourist here? Go to Hollywood. Got a valid ID? Come on in. Go to Skid Row. You can go there and camp. These national parks are for Americans actually We don't give a fuck if foreigners see them. I love that. They've been rebranding it is oh, it's the row now They've rebranded skid row as the row. Yeah, have you seen that development? No, it's awesome

Okay, I got another 3d nice farmers market in the middle of skid row now Row I got a I got a hair night down to the row fucking tricking me Hey, I know I'm late for the bonus episode, but here's an invention for you, okay You know like t-shirt cannons you go to a stadium and you have a t-shirt cannon they shoot t-shirts in the crowd We need vaccine cannons, okay? t-shirts in the crowd we vaccine cannons okay we need to create the most fucking amazing right wing event that everybody wants to go to a fucking gun show and bring in vaccine cannons and shoot all their fucking kids please this is so retarded this is a good people and think that all vaccines were bad.

Vaccines are good, you should get them. Okay, okay, that's a good point. That's a good point! Now I feel better about vaccines. That was a great call. And I got young Indiana Jones in 3D. Dude, check this out. I need to see this.

Check this out. And with his hat. Oh, this is badass. Now someone finally put it in a way I could understand. That's fucking cool. I don't think that works with one lens. I think you need two lenses for that. For the first time ever I finally see it. I was like, oh wait, I should probably look at this little screen back here. Well. You need the two

Do you know how those work? I do oh you do okay? I know you need the I was doing the veto thing Right now and you just hit the sticky keys and as soon as that fucking sound came through my speakers Hmm I started getting flashbacks, my palms are sweating, trying not to crash my car right now. Ugh, fuck you. You almost got a sticky car. Yeah, sticky keys is bad.

Hey, Jake. Calling for what fucking makes me a rage today. It is when you're driving through a neighborhood and you've got all the suburban moms driving these gigantic fucking trucks Down the center of the road because their depth perception doesn't allow them to realize two fucking cars can sit there They have no business driving these vehicles They have no idea where they're going with them And I really just think that their goal is to make sure they can run people over without realizing it Well, they're saying it's safe. They all need people over without realizing it. Well, they're safe.

It's safe. They all need 6,000 pound SUVs to feel safe. It has nothing to do with tax credits or manufacturers and stuff like that. Correct, yeah. Because in their brains, they feel safe. Hey, Jack. Hey, Johnny. Ryan's on Cowboy.

The other thing that makes me a rain. How big does a car have to get before a woman feels less safe in it? If the car becomes a house, at what point does the car that she feels safe driving around on the road become a house where she no longer feels safe and needs a dog or a man around? You know? There's a size amount where she's now going, is there someone here that's gonna rape me in the car while I'm driving down the freeway?

I think an RV, maybe. You think an RV? Yeah, that's too big. She's driving it down, she's like, oh, is there a guy hiding in the shower in here? Yes. I think maybe you're right. I think you're right.

It's a little too close to home. Hey, Jack, hey, Johnny. Right side cowboy. The other thing that makes me a rage is Fucking like Psy-Op of Going to the gym, right? Like you're fishing at Dino for like not being healthy and being addicted to shit Now I'm addicted to going to the gym getting big But I have now sleep apnea right? I to be a skinny kid. Used to be like some 140 pounds, like six foot.

Right now I am 230 pounds. Six foot. Right. Not to be six, one, not to be done. I don't do I'm not going to round up this one. OK, who cares? We get it right. It's fucking OK. OK, you have so much you have a problem, bro.

Bro, you can't get addicted to fitness. You're addicted to fitting these nuts in your mouth. Dick in your mouth. Man. Man, that's a real stumper for that. Hey, how what size are you? Oh, I mean well, ah, Well, I mean, I'm 6'1". I mean, I guess if you round up. But that's K, yeah. That's K, but I don't round up and I'm probably a 2'05", 2'10", right now. It's just a word of advice to everybody.

You know, if it helps open the voice memo app in your phone and just try and belt one out real quick and then play it back to yourself and just be like, oh, is there any way i could be stumping play back with a different voice with an ai voice yeah top see if it sounds insane do it in a louis armstrong impression when you do it and then when you play it back right because but no so you sleep anymore um shrunk more. Because the first time I- You had to be there about 6, 1 in the day, 5, 10. Shrunk. I just can't fucking sleep.

The two mothers, it's just harder to sleep when you're bigger. When you're small, easy sleep, right? Feel good, wake up the next morning, ready to go, happy. Doesn't want to fucking kill myself. Now as I wake up and it's just suffering immediately, I don't even get that blissful five seconds where everything that I've done wrong or thought about, I don't get to think about anymore when I wake up. I don't get restful sleep, it's fucking bullshit.

Yeah, it's fucking bullshit. Get a pregnancy pillow. I hate it. I'm gonna start telling people also. Stop working out, you work out too much. He literally just said I'm working out too much and then went, yeah. Stop it.

You solved your own problem, my guy. Stop it. It was legendary engineer Al Schmidt before he passed who told me, he said, you know, John, the worst thing about getting sober is as soon as you wake up, knowing that that's the best you're gonna feel all day. Yeah.

And I went, damn, Al, that's fucking wild. That's fucking insane. I think Churchill said that. Al? Did he? I think so. Yeah, right? My wife is a commercial interior designer.

Okay. We do not have napkins in our house. She thinks it's a waste of space and waste of money. Minimalist. We used paper towels for everything. And that was her decision. I tried buying one time, that was a no-go. How does a designer not have napkins? No, she's a designer, not a human.

I've never met- Are you supposed to wipe your hand on the marble, on the Brutalist table? On your backless bench that you're eating dinner at? Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? At your communal dinner table. On your backless bench that you're eating dinner at? Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? At your communal dinner table.

Ugh. Man, the last thing you want is your wife to hire a designer, but this guy lives with a... He's got a married one. Imagine what a nightmare that is. Yeah, what is he going to say no to any of her designs? Yeah, because you can right now just write it off. Like, oh, that sounds shitty, but...

He just called in and admitted he was being held captive, or hostage at least. Because he... See, he went out of called in and admitted he was being held captive, or hostage at least, because he, see, he went out of his way to try and get the napkins, and she said no. He's trying to live like a fucking decent human who's been part of society, or you know, civilization. We should set him free. We gotta do something, we gotta intervene on that guy,

on that poor guy. Okay, last one. Hey, Dix, this is Henry in San Diego. What makes me a fucking rage is when you have to deal with these tiny fucking parking lots in these little shopping mall centers where I want to go have a fucking workout and then I have to watch as a guy realizes that after I back up and make direct eye contact with somebody in a one and a half car lane that already has two fucking cars in it turns right at me and goes, I'm going that way. And I go, no, you fucking not.

And I have to fucking get out and point to the other way so he understands. I'm so fucking tired of these retards. All right, go fuck yourself, bye. Cars are getting bigger too. Henry from San Diego, I fully agree with you, man. That is fucking bullshit. Antoine says the percentage of state populations

with Reddit accounts, oh boy. I went on the Reddit today. Everyone's pissed at me because the biggest problem episode and I clicked on the episode and then it's like I can't believe dick. I'm like, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm scrolling through and then there was a deleted one That was moderate that was got moderated this deleted and I I'm an admin so I can see them So I was like, that's odd. There's one of these the rest like I clicked on it, and it was simply Dick wasn't interrupting. I don't know what you guys are talking about Moderated okay Friday stream man what a a disaster. What happened?

What happened? I regret losing my cool but I don't regret what I said. Well I got texts from multiple people Mom and Dad are fighting. I'm like oh boy. I'm like well, Mom's losing. Needs to clean her house apparently.

Big time. Membership of states, Reddit sub as a percentage. Oh, okay. These are the states with the most Redditors. Vermont is very high. And then what is that? Washington DC. Is that 50% of Washington DC is on Reddit?

Wow, that makes sense. Yeah, in there. Changing hearts and minds. Very cool. Okay, goodbye everybody. Oh yeah, that was voicemails, huh? We're out. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. M-ba-ba.