The Dick Show - Episode 47 - Dick on Road Rage: Philly

Episode Date: April 25, 2017

Road Rage: Philly and the people who got kicked out, your brain the drug dealer, how to buy beer, Asterios' Dustin smack-down, an army of Seans, The Leviathan, Ken M and civil discourse on the Internet, dress codes, Sean reacts to the live show, a mod from The_Donald teases us with his Trump sci-fi novel, chicks who love Disneyland, The Matrix reboot, ATM fees, rock climbers and other people I want to punch in the mouth, Ken M gets banned from The_Donald live, someone borrows a lighter from Asterios, the Science Friction podcast, Digibro and his robe and his associates, The Dick Show jazz remix, and Juan the Road Rage Champ; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Presenting Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick! You want dick, you need dick, you love dick, it's the only show where everything is a contest coming to you live from a mountain bunker in the city of failure, I am your host. Dick Masterson, with me is always a shun. Hello, dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? Today joining us in studio, but I don't think he's going to talk. He's Randy. Randy the handler.

Hollywood Randy is here in the studio today. Man, what a fucking week. I'm, I'm still exhausted from road rage. Yeah. Like, I don't have the excuse of drinking anymore either. I'm just fucking old. What's your excuse now? Old being old. There's a old. Yeah. Just old and like people make me tired. Yeah. It's the, the intensity of the event, the intensity of road rage. No shit. Man, it was like stepping onto that stage was like stepping in front of the mouth of like a Leviathan, like a great sea creature. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Like hundreds of dudes at the Tracodero, hundreds of dudes, like an army, an army of men, and I'm assuming their gender could have been 50% of them could have been women, I don't know, just tough bruises. Hard to see everybody from the stage. Just spotlights in your eyes. Yeah, I always hate it when they do that.

And I was gonna complain about it, but. No, you have to do that though. What's that? You need maximum light. You have to have as much lighting on the stage as possible. Oh, no, no, no, but they don't have to be in your eyes. Well, what do you want them to put little dots for your eyes? No, no, no, no, but they don't have to be in your eyes. Well, what do you want them to put little dots for your eyes?

No, no, no, it's just the way they're aimed. You think it's a common thing. Yeah. You think they can light a stage without putting lights into your eyes? Directly, yes. Well, I don't know about that. We have to ask Mad Cux, he does that.

He does that kind of thing. Yeah, no, you can because it's, I've been on stage a number of times in my life and had people request them. Like, a darn, they moved. And I always feel like such an asshole. Like, when I see acts requesting their own special lighting, not special lighting, just not in your eyes.

And it wasn't like, I wasn't gonna do anything because I'm sitting on the stage like it was probably fine where you were at. I'm just held up the whole show and just made them custom-tailored the lights to you, which you could have done in tech. You should have stopped the entire show just for you sitting down. Oh, they didn't have the, you couldn't see that in tech. The floor lights were up in tech. Oh, that's true. I don't know. I think I've adjusted to like doing, doing shows with,

I was just making the comment that it was weird to see like you're looking out in the, like a sea of blackness. So you may be Leviathan comment. And like it was like, it's like a teaming. Like who's out there of men? You want to see who you're talking to? Or who's talking at you? And who is the fucking guy that's shouting non-stop so that I can find him after the show and stick a screwdriver into his kidney, right?

Right. Oh my God, that was more than anything. That's what made people arranged about the, about the Philly live show. Number dick is a half hour late where the fuck is this guy. It wasn't a half hour. It wasn't a half hour. No, and that was intentional anyway. Well, we were supposed to go on at like eight, but Nick, the theater manager said that

not enough people in there yet. And not that it wasn't enough just that for the amount that bought tickets. Yeah, it was a bunch missing. You gotta Give them time. Give them time for parking. Even fucking Dustin was late. Look, so let's give the show guys a little bit of time to get there. No, that was, we were, yeah, that was completely intentional. Yeah. Yeah, it was funny. I thought that it was, it was odd. You and I came to exactly the same conclusion, which I knew we would. We didn't even have to talk about it. I was kind of surprised where people were like,

God, man, everybody was shouting and disrupting and stuff like that. And I'm going, that was exactly how I thought the show would go. Yeah. No part of that could have not been accounted for. It was, I never thought that that was going to be a quote unquote show. That was in a period. You mean a podcast, a podcast. That was, that was, that was for the, the listeners who bought tickets.

That was it was for everybody who wanted to see you. We knew that no, it's for everybody wanted to see that this show is completely based, not completely, it is completely based. This is the most based show on the internet. We're based on something. This show is, this is the, this show has the, has the most based show on the internet. The biggest on something. This show has the most dick you will ever see. That was road rage. You know, my biggest dick you'll ever see on stage. How much fan interaction, how much fan content is created on this show. All the good stuff. It's this relationship between us and the listeners listeners and it is completely interactive.

And for people to think that that wasn't going to happen on a live show, I'm going like, where's your fucking head at? Well, I think I blame myself for letting it get a little out of control. It could have been, I think it could have been rained in a little bit with a couple like, hey, buddy, shut the stop saying, Sean fuck me every time Sean opens his mouth. There was a lot of booze happening, but though I think it was like that was, yeah. You know what? Well, I've just, I had a blast.

Me too. People were like, God, you didn't really say much like were you nervous and like honestly, not really. Somebody said you looked miserable. Somebody in the livestream says, Sean was miserable. Get him some tinker toys or something to play with while he's, no, actually it was I was looking back and I just, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Like the fact that this whole thing happened, I was like, Shawn was miserable. Get him some tinker toys or something to play with while he's there. No, actually, I was looking back and I just, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

Like the fact that this whole thing happened, I was tripping. I was, it was as if I was, I was sitting on stage, but I was sitting in the crowd. And I was watching this fucking out of body, Shawn's experience. It was a total spectacle. Yeah, it was, it was great. And people shouting and then a fucking 12 assholes

with black V-nex on stage. No, that's when that's when my mind broke completely at the road rage show when the Shawna likes an army of shans begin to charge the stage and climb over like zombies. Like they're going to work that athletic. They had to be held tough a little bit. They were there was a frenzy of, of Sean's. Did you see the, the security people start losing their shit where they're like, oh my god, this is an insurance nightmare.

Like they're starting to clamber toward the stage. Well, because they told me very specifically, if you have anybody come on, if any fans and I come backstage, send them to the security guy and he will escort them around. There's the track, the track ad arrow is a total rush for it's like 200 years old. It's like a five and a half foot stage. None of it's built to code, Sean. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Hey, if you got anybody coming on the stage, make absolutely sure that they go to the bouncer who will lead them around. I said, of course, I'll do that. Absolutely. I'll do that knowing in my mind that there is absolutely no way. Like I'm, I'm just glad all 400 of the dickheads there just didn't decide to come on stage. Because I've been like,

yeah, could have happened. I have nothing. I can't stop, I know. I can't stop. One of you, I can't stop. Five of you, I sure as shit can't stop. 400 of you. These 12 Shawna likes, Randy. Bum rush the stage. Like one of them gets the idea to just climb straight up. So then all of them get the idea to climb straight up. Yeah.

What's some of them like white be next? If you gotta, you gotta talk into a mic if you're gonna ask questions, Randy. Yes, some of them were in, yeah, yeah, we've been recording this whole time. Believe it or not, this is the show, Randy. Sean and I talking about an event where 12 men dressed like Sean climbed onto a stage.

That's comedy. That's a world-class podcast that you're listening to. Anyway, for going back to people who were interrupting, I was talking to a 80s girl about it, and I was like, yeah, part of it is I'm so used to just paying extreme attention to people while we're doing the show that I, when I hear something, like I hear a guest say something, I hear you say something, I call her, you're like, I got to focus on that because that's usually, there's usually something funny there. And that's exactly, and that's exactly what happened.

That's exactly what I knew would happen. I don't think there was anything wrong with it, except for, you know, people are going like, well, they're not funny, but, well, you know, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? It's, it was an experience. It wasn't, I never, I never thought that it would be anything like, you know, the, uh, the air tight, whip tight podcast. Like we do in the bunker here, like a one hour standup, like, like Amy Schumer's one hour

leather special. Rars was a lot sloppier than that fat hose bangs leather spectacle that you, if you can imagine a sloppier, two hour special, but the other But the other reason why the people screaming got out of control is because I'm one of those guys that scream at concerts and gets removed from the theater. Yeah, so like they put the wolf in charge of the lunatic running the asylum. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, they're like,

well, all these people screaming out. I'm like, I'm having an out of body experience. When I hear like, fuck me, Sean, I'm sitting in the audience myself going, like, that was a funny one. That was good one. Let me try to top this guy. Hold on. We stretch out my heckling wings and see if I can out heckle this asshole. Oh God. But anyway, I should have noted before, a lot of people were pissed off at the live stream feed. Because of, and I actually, I actually did go on Reddit a little bit red like a few

comments, which I'm usually, you rarely do. I usually zero. And I just, um, cause it, I saw a couple of things. The internet makes it poison your mind. It does poison your mind. Poisons your mind. The world poisons you have in the internet. You have a number of organic mind.

Uh, that's, that's, that's been conditioned to live in the real world. You're like Arnold Schwarzenegger when he rose his boat off that island in twins coming into the, that's you, that's your mind off the internet. And then you row your Sean boat into the internet. Go ahead. What did you see on Reddit? Just that it was, I think the camera was too far back or it was just a wide static shot, wasn't it? It was a joke. Was that the, like, I said it, I brought the equipment because I wanted to do an audio stream for patreons yeah for the patreonies at patreon.com slash the dick show i'm thinking these guys set it up. These guys are the reason we're doing this insane stunt yeah this spectacle that we're making of ourselves where we're one day overnight ordering a man explaining jackass outfit of a aristocrat man barely talking about taxes at all I don't get anything out of them

Sean do you what do you do you get anything about out of taxes? Nothing I can name in the next and you can nanosecond Nothing you could name for 20% of your fucking money. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Did they really need all of your money to do nothing with this? No, because they don't, nothing really helps whether they're at a much higher rate or a much lower rate.

No. We don't tend to see much change in social services and all that kind of stuff. No, it's just more of your improvement. I sit at home all, I got all I need. You just grow the departments that are in charge of somehow just funneling that money around. Check it out.

Here, do some stuff with this. If you give them money, they'll figure out something to do with it. If you raise your kids' allowances, they're going to figure out how to spend it. Yes. It's like people will take all the time allotted on a project.

So if you give them less time, they'll take less time and still finish it. Yeah. if you give them less time, they'll take less time and still finish it. Yeah. They'll, if you give them more time, they'll take more time to finish it. If you give a city office a budget, a furniture budget for the year, they will spend 100% of it because if they do not, the budget will go down. Yeah. The next year.

So they make sure they buy a purfluished shit all the time. It's just a, yeah, taxation. And they should are thrilled about it. Taxation is theft. I just want to thank you. That was what I didn't get out at the show. I just want a fucking thank you for it. You know, the NFL puts on a thanks, the troops,

for the, the NFL gets paid dozens of millions of dollars to, to push, to, to tip, to market the army to tip people over the edge from maybe it's an ad. That's what an ad is for. Hey, hey, NFL, we're going to give you 20 million bucks if you do a salute the troops because this our research has shown that some people who might not have joined the army will if they see it on TV and everybody's screaming for it. You know what I just people talk to me all the time. Who the fuck with that advertisement work?

Why do they? It's like no advertising works period. Yeah. Period. Everyone is smart as you. Everyone's and you're so fucking smart for figuring out that it's an ad. Good. What kind of car do you drive?

What serial do you eat? What's so did you fucking drink? Like you're nobody's above it! It never bought anything that cost some blank.99. That was for you, it worked on you. Everybody's a victim to it. Everybody will fall for a fake because everybody, everybody. Just nod your head.

Shitty, shitty meat computer that we got between our ears that makes all the decisions for us and just keeps telling us that it's smarter than everybody else like a crack dealer. That's what our brains are. Hey, here's another decision. I don't know, I don't know if that decision is so right. No, no, no All the time telling you to do stuff for it, controlling you like a big gross blob.

It's got nothing but a stick and it's getting you, giving you drugs all day, Sean. Giving you hits of dopamine. Do this, do this, say this, act like an asshole in this way by this fucking car so I can feel good. Yeah, works on everybody. It does, works on everybody. My point was I just want to thank you.

I want the NFL to just go, hey taxpayers, thanks a lot. Maybe send a card, thanks. Just a thank you. That's it, did you get a thank you? No. No, I never get a thank you. No. It doesn't even have to, you know what?

Higher another department. Higher, higher a thank you. No. I never, it doesn't even have to, you know what? Higher, another department, higher, higher, thank you department subsidize those 99 cent hallmark cards and send me, hey man, thanks for the taxes. That's what it should have been called. Philly road rage. Thanks for the fucking taxes. You know, the snack. Randy says, and the snacks, Randy says, thanks for the fucking snacks. It's like dust and there was a thread on, by the way, do you think that,

but it was fun. It was fun as hell. It was really fun. And I think you were surprised that I said so right afterwards, where you're like, because I never know what you think. Me? Yeah, you said, me, well, you said,

I never know what you're gonna say, or how you think that went, or how you, but it was just, it was so fucking ridiculous, it was awesome. That's great, I was awesome. And then all the people afterwards, that was so fucking fun. I was exhausted afterwards because, talking to just that.

Talking to people is exhausting. That many people all the time. But everybody was so fucking cool. And that was easily the coolest fucking things. And stuff that like I hadn't seen. Sean had a mob around, I didn't see Sean all night. Cause he had a mob of people around him asking about zingers. Like getting the 101, the basics of the zen of zingers.

Sean was in the corner with his legs crossed, like a swami or whatever, doing a little yoga, then giving people about the zan of zingers. Like, don't play to ranny, like he's playing to the audience. Cause that one guy who's not me in the room, and he's playing to him, and just lying and implying. The chance, when we were in the dressing room, and the dick, the dick, dick, dick,

the chance started going. That was unreal man. You should hear it on the, because I mixed the, for the video stream last night. Yeah. And I uploaded it. And it's something I was mixing late at night. So I'm sitting there in cans, which I hate.

But it's really cool because the guys were good enough to record stereo crowd mics. Oh, cool. Yeah, so you can really get the, you really get the feel of the inside of the venue and what the crowd's doing. And you can hear like a chant. And then you hear the music come up,

and it sounds like a lot more people than there were. It's a 400 fucking people, man. We could have taken over the city. I think that you get 400 people on your side, man. A lot of shit's been done with 400 people. For less. I don't know, the night, the crystal knocked, I think that took less than 400 people.

Jesus did a lot with 12 guys. I think we could have taken over Philadelphia with those 400 people. Yeah, I wouldn't bet against that. I don't know what we would have done with it, but I think we could have done it. I think people liked the audio, and then I'm cutting together the audio-only version,

which will be a little tighter and stuff. Well, there's also a full video contingent, like three cameras. Like I was saying, everybody was so pissed at the live stream camera, but I just put it up so people could kind of watch along at home if they want it. I didn't know there were multi-cameras. Oh, dude. Dustin was a sneak, Dustin's secret sneak project was a full, like three camera pro recording of the event. He produced a trailer for it. You didn't see this trailer. I did. He sent it to me yesterday actually. People are losing their minds because everybody on Reddit hates him, but they love the recording and the trailer,

and they don't know how to feel. They're like, well, I really hate Dustin, but this is the best. So that was Dustin at the end of the show. Dustin, I gave Dustin the, no, I would have probably picked my nose less if like I had known there were, you know, multi cameras up there. I guess we're gonna have to get a clip reel of that together. Probably.

Sean, there was a, I gave Dustin the job of doing questions from the audience, right? Oh, this is beautiful. This was so cool. I'm not gonna talk about the show in order. There's tons of great stuff to talk about. But at the end of the show, let's do questions

from the audience, right? And you think you say that and you think, okay, so Dustin would probably go through and get some, Dustin runs up, takes him like 30 seconds to run up, right? So we're all just sitting there at the end of the show waiting for Dustin. And he runs up, grabs the mic mic and then turns to the audience and goes Anybody have any questions

and And Dick goes he goes I I thought you were gonna do that something like I thought you were gonna do that before and he's like well I'm gonna do that now and Dick turns to me and he goes You couldn't have planned a better fit beautiful Turns to me and he goes, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you couldn't have had planned a better fit. It was beautiful. Oh, my God, I love that.

I love that kind of surprise. Like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, do it right now. Let's do it right now. So Dustin proceeds a line forms, of course, and it's questions like, hey, what are your shoes like? I mean, nobody wants to hear, nobody wants to hear what my fucking shoe does.

And this is, this was the point. This was why we wanted it screened, but to his credit, he was going to do that. The reason he didn't is because he was filming up from the balcony. I saw, you know, I did see people up there. Yeah, he shifted around the, the video cameras a little bit before the show. So he made so whatever vantage point he wanted to get was up in the balcony. So he couldn't go around asking whatever it was. It was. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, up again. And he's just, then he's just standing there, acting as a literal mic stand for the line. As people come up to ask questions, like he didn't even then go down the list. He's like, hey, hey, whispered me your question. Like, what? No, no, no, get out of here. He just stands there and gets questions from people. And then like, there's a mic on a stand. And then like he took it off and just bent knelt down, and like, sound.

So people don't start climbing onto the stage, right? He went from like an overhead mic to like a kick drum mic, like hanging off the edge of the stage, where people just filed by the front of the stage. I could not talk to him. I'm laughing at it. What are you doing, man? We can just put the mic stand down there.

You don't need to be, and meanwhile, people are asking the questions, and like, you know how, just in your mind, when someone is asking someone else a question, you tend to look at the person being asked the question, right? Like, because you can hear the question being asked, but like, just is a human being,

you want to look at who's getting at. So Dustin is holding the mic for these people, and he's looking at me, because I'm, or a Stere sterile whoever's being asked the question But in doing so he's kind of gradually pulling the microphone away from their mouths The mic stand what if the mic stand is wandering away from the person as he's asking the question So yes, so we went dick when you and 80s girl were asking the question. So yeah, so we went,

Dick, when you and 80s girl were there, they didn't even ask you. You're single questions. So what, what? So then, a stereos, this might have been the funniest thing, this might have been the funniest thing of the night.

Let me see if a stereos is around and get them on. Oh God, he was good. Oh, he was so fucking funny. Here, I think, hey, a stereos, you there? He really brought it. I'm here, sir. Okay, so we're talking about the bloodiest burn ever witnessed when you, when I forget what Dustin,

I think Dustin like interrupted what you were saying to drop a, to drop a zinger. Yeah, well, okay, so what happened was, I'm on stage and I'm saying like, you know, we're all just talking. Yeah, this did good time to like get to the heart of the matter with dick. Yeah, where is his rage come from right? What was the first rage he ever did? Was there a time when he wasn't so Rachel and then broke bad and now he's just a nonstop rage. Yeah. And I'm asking this question and then Justin And now he's just a nonstop raid. Yeah. And I'm asking this question and then Justin interrupts to say some bullshit, Reddit meme or something.

I don't know. He says like me. He says things. He's being a snagged. And I don't know what I'm saying. But a stereo says, I kind of lost my mind. You kind of did. I did.

So a stereo goes on this rant about Dustin interrupting that and says the coup de crore of which is I'm a professional comedian shut the fuck up shut is my goff and everybody's going nuts right. But then a stereo sits down and addresses me and immediately uses my real name. It was the biggest fuck up like pants down. Like when you're really railing somebody and then you turn around and your pants just fall completely off. It well and they they literally fell off earlier in the night too. Asterios is pants literally fell off. Asterios you Asterios did his Santa Cuck sing along, which is going to look amazing. I can't wait.

And Dustin's three camera set up. It's great. Except I just wish more people saying, well, I wish I also wish or stereos would have known the words to his own song. And the bouncing ball trick only works if you could see all the words and the stereos did the video editing for his own sing along. We had so we had 400 people singing along with Santa Cuck Except the words would show up like a brainwashing tape where they would just go

Blip blip blip blip I can't fucking read that fast man. I just need all the words in front of me like a church him No, I don't need this I need less multi and more media. I just need to see the word and meanwhile more media. I just need to see the word. And meanwhile, Asterios doesn't know the words to his own fucking song. So not like everybody knows the cut, cut, cut part. But then there's all these, then there's all these clever jokes hidden in the first that like where the, the timing and the cadence is very specific because you're cramming jokes into a song. Like you're trying to, it's like moving a couch, you're trying to

cram this joke, shitting on Maddox into the beat of this song, right? And nobody knows what the fuck they're doing. We nailed the Cuck Part Thumb. And by the end of it, that last Cuck, Cuck, Cuck, I think was real strong. I can't wait for Maddox to see it 400 people calling it a Cuck in unison. It's gonna be great.

Meanwhile, Asterios as Santa Cucks pants are literally falling off. Yeah, immediately inexplicably. Dick, help me. inexplicable that a man would just walk on stage in a costume and his pants immediately are around his knees. Yeah. Somewhere, I don't know if Mysterios is the kind of guy that just went when he's getting drunk, his pants are falling off.

I don't know if he was so busy doing his taxes backstage, that which he was literally doing, that he forgot how to put on his pants, but he's walking out. And I look over at just him addressing the crowd. His, I already see three quarters of his ass hanging at the big God that he's walking out and i look over it just him addressing the crowd his i already see three quarters of his ass hanging out of the god that he's wearing red santa claus underpants so it seems like a bit but i'm looking at it i'm looking at it from the back and it does not seem like a fucking bit right doesn't seem like nobody could plan to have their pants fall down he's not like he's not buster point extra

wait who is the who's the buster guy that Buster Keaton all of their both very good physical He's not Buster Buster, the hilarious physical comedian Buster point Dexter who's legendary for his pants falling down Buster Keaton Oh God Anyway, thanks for doing it as serious you killed you brought the you brought the house down He really had some energy man. That was yeah, it was I listening back. I was impressed I said man he came out and fucking owned it. He came out on fire

Looking forward to that I was looking forward to that show for fucking ever like I mean it is crazy as a comedian The thing you dream about doing is a tour that people give a shit about Not sure so busy trying to pitch comedy to people who just don't want to be there and are only there So they can rip into it. Well, see that's like all of life is spent Yeah, so you can work so people can tear it apart like at your fucking job at work at home Everything you do is making content such that other people can eviscerate it in front of you. And this was the opposite.

And this was the only time in our lives where we're doing something and people are like, yeah, whatever you do, I'm into that. I'm into it, more and more and more. Okay. And I had a thought, and I said it on stage, because I'm thinking from the place of like the crew and the security guards and stuff, they must be thinking this has got to be the stupidest group of people

I can ever imagine because nothing made sense, complete like non-sacquaters. Somebody would say something, somebody would say something else that were just all these inside jokes that have grown over the past two or three years. Like a man coming out and singing a really poorly written song, calling another man, and poorly recorded. And poorly recorded a song with the absolute raucous applause and laughter of 400 men. And then out comes a beautiful woman, a beautiful bombshell.

Yet she was on fire that night, Jesus Christ. I know she looks gorgeous. Everybody, all the threads, you're saying how much more beautiful she looks in person, rather than on my shitty Vaseline poorly lit podcast. Yeah. I think these cameras are pretty good. Well, it's my technical ability that is lacking. All right.

Anyway, Ashtereos, thanks for coming. You've launched a podcast of your own in the last two years. Is that right? You want to tell us about it? Yeah, I want to plug something. It is a sign for you know, ever since I had this Patreon, the goal was always to do a regular podcast. Dick, you're the one that's going to be over the top with that.

That's right. My donation put Asterios over the top. And then he tried, he tried to just stick together all of his five minute podcasts and just say, here it is. And you said, and everybody did not want that. No, no, no, no, stereo's put that out of people are like, what the fuck is this shit? We're already getting this for free. This was the goal. No, do it again, do it again, do it again. Yeah. Okay.

To be fair, what I'm thinking is, there's no really, I can't think of a solo podcast that I like. Right. There's no solo podcast out there that I'm into. We're like, there's a comedian doing like one man pits or improv scenes with himself and all this shit. So I'm thinking like, I'm into where like we're like there's a queen doing like one man pits or improv scenes with himself and all this shit. So I'm thinking like I'm doing some really specialty with the five minute

podcast. Yeah. And now I'll be able to share it with more people. Right. But but people were like, no, we were backwards thinking my friend. I could see I could see backwards thinking a mile away when people start when it's filling in the it's retconning your own brain like well I'm making this decision so here's why uh... let me think here hold on give me a minute I gotta come up with some bullshit why I'm doing this i hope okay it may sound like backwards thinking or as i call it maddox style thinking where he figures out much like you said before we figure out what he wants and he works backwards toward it

But like the five minute podcast is my favorite thing in the world to do because there's nobody else Flucking it up for me. It's just like me and a microphone and occasionally it's for Raja My girlfriend and a microphone and it's no it's it's fun, but But people want it. You know people want to some more and it's fun, but people want it. You know, people want it some more, and it's like, well, you gotta get the people what they want. So I got a new show called Science Friction. It is a sci-fi comedy game show,

where comedians get points for their opinions and how close those opinions are to my opinions. So we'll talk about the coming matrix reboot. We'll talk about we'll talk about anime. We'll talk about I do this bit where we read old letters to Starlog magazine and then we try to answer them from the future. In the matrix reboot are the is the Zion people gonna look remotely realistic that all that is the that of everything in the matrix that is what bugged me that that's the only thing that actually bugged me robots using humans for batteries whatever like all the logic that go like the the weird gods that they had in there whatever but when you get to the real world and you don't see just a bunch of fat white guys

with beards as these were the hackers that broke out of the matrix, I'm like, who the fuck is this? Like where is, where are all the guys that look exactly like Nosh? Where is, where is that, where is that Zion? And how do I go there? I don't wanna be in this one,

because I don't believe it. I think I'm still in the Matrix. Yeah. Well, I mean, honestly, when I think of computer hackers, I usually think of a panatone ad. So I mean, I'm going to have to disagree with you there. I'm thinking like real attractive, real cut people, wearing stuff from all ethnicities of all ethnicities because everyone has the opportunity to just sit on a fucking computer all day and work on their hacking skills of all ethnicities because everyone has the opportunity to just sit on a fucking computer all day and work on the hacking skills of all ethnicities because everyone everyone has that ability Sean everyone no matter what's socio economic group or race they come from everyone can just sit down and get better than hell eating sugary snacks and learning how

to program a virtual world we've've achieved the utopia, clear. Yes, because we've already achieved this utopia. So it makes perfect sense that it would be a completely even split of people and that they would also be miraculously fit because no one stress eats in this world. No. When you're getting hunted by robots.

Ah. All right, anyway, when we were eating what the fuck did he, but what did you bring a stereo should you bring tasty cakes tasty cakes yes I brought I brought specifically a couple of pasty cakes a stereo is your audio is bugging out so I'm gonna so you got to get out of here but all right cool real quick you yeah plug your podcast you can go to the iTunes store the Google Play Store whatever you want you look for for Sport Use Google Science friction, and my name is Stereos, and it'll pop up.

The first episode had Matt Kauf, who's right for the Daily Show, Claudia Cogan from Las Comic-Stanning, who had Altsbreeno, another writer for the Daily Show, and the idea is, I'm going to get parentheses here. I'm going to get parentheses here. And the idea is, I'm going to introduce people to the best comedians in New York. We're all going to talk about science fiction. It's going to be a lot of yelling and screaming about those outbino twins from the Matrix or the meravinian or the architect.

Meravinian. Bend expose and red pills and blue pills and it's going to be great. So listen to my hope you enjoy. All right. When does it come out on a Tuesday or Thursday or what? It's going to come out on a Tuesday or Thursday or what? It's gonna come out on first and third Thursday, so it's officially part of the CUNX T. Okay, the Tegas Staff for Tuesday are Thursday network.

It's just a name. It's not to be taken literally. The CUNX Tuesday network is just a name. Yeah, exactly. Whatever you want to and for me, it means. It's like MTV for us. Exactly. And we're on thinkin' Thursdays or is the shittiest day. Yeah. Oh, I don't have a lighter. Sorry I'm I'm thinking the Thursdays of the shittiest day

Fucking liner You're having a call and obviously pitching obviously pitching something and selling something on a call that guy has no idea who you're talking to you Could be talking to them you could be talking to the president of television you're pitching something but he needs a fucking lighter To immediately he can't wait five minutes man. You know, yeah, I over here. Get him on the phone and let me chew him out Get him on the phone Get him on the phone and let me chew him out. Get him on the fucking phone. Find that guy and get on the fucking shop. Who's this?

Who's this? Oh, I'm real fucking big too. Are you kidding me? I got real big. I got 400 guys. I can send to his fucking house. You will do it. This is what we got to start doing.

Hey, there are two hours on a train. We got to start carrying around fake lighters so that when you're on a phone call, pitching your comedy podcast, Hey man, you got a lighter? Oh yeah, kiss your fucking hand, good bye man. Smoking kills, here's the one that's gonna do it for you. Go knock yourself out with this fucking lighter.

I put a Samsung battery in this lighter and gave it to the imagination police at the airlines who think that you could possibly smuggle a bomb on what plane as long as you could possibly smuggle a bomb on what plane as long as you can fit it in your fucking shoe. I have yet to see the genius who in fact I have yet to see one of these fucking bombs that they're always scanning for that you smuggle in your shampoo. But there's a lot of them though. It's probably ethno diverse, very fit. Yeah, you know, yeah, a lot of time to sit there and come up with

these uh, these bombs. Yes. That I've yet to see one of like we're in die hard three. Yeah. There's the TSA learned everything about bomb making from fucking Jeremy Irons. All right. Let's see. Let's get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here.

You can come together. It'll kill people. Yep. All right. I'll talk to you guys later. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Thank you. Love you. Oh, goodbye. Uh, he is always on some fucked up line when he calls in. That's up to you guys later. Good bye, good bye, thank you. Love you, goodbye. He is always on some fucked up line when he calls in. You ever notice that? He was in a, he was in a freight elevator one time, I think. He's like in his apartment trying to whisper. You can always tell he's in some fucked up room

or he's got some fucked up connection. It always sounds, it always sounds like shit. He was like 12 different volumes. And that's in addition to the 12 different volumes he speaks at within any given sentence. Why couldn't he just go into a bathroom or something? I don't know. All right, it's serious, it's a new podcast.

Science friction is out there. Damn it. The first and the third Thursday. Gonna be talking about science fiction types up with the joke. Let me see. Ben Swear Engine. When we got back from Philly, I see this post on Facebook.

Hey everybody, sorry I got kicked out for being too drunk. Somebody said somebody barfed all over the place. Yeah, I did not see this. Dude, it's like 400 people had an insane experience at the same time. It was like choose your own adventure of the most debauched night in his because people were pre like people were pre gaming. They were shooting Gatorade and vodka into their fucking veins in the parking lot. They were free bays anyway. So I see this on Facebook, Ben, he Ben Swerging and Post this and somebody says,

Hey, were you the guy that was throwing beer all over everyone? You fuck you deserved it. And he goes, no, that wasn't me, but I know that guy. And then that guy chimes in. That was me. Sorry about that. Oh, well, he's sorry. Yeah, a lot of sorry.

He's got thrown around the next day. By the way, by the way, as stereos, he gave out apples. Oh, he gave out apples. And then later when he was, when he gave out apples and I told him before, I'm a little worried about your apples because if I'm in the audience and I got an apple, I'm going to throw it on the fucking apple. Yeah. Because that's hilarious. And he said, because I've gotten kicked out of a Dodger game for throwing a beer and

it's funny. Yeah. Anyway. And, you know, as he's going at it with Dustin, you know, he says, boy, it sure would be unfortunate if one of these apples happened to hit Dustin. And I said, no. Yeah, it's almost animated. I'm like, no, they're going to shut the show down.

Yeah, you asshole. God, nobody did. Yeah, yeah. I think I even heard you no, they're gonna shut the show down. Yeah, you asshole. And God, nobody did. Yeah, yeah. I think I even heard you go, yeah, don't do that, don't do that. Well, because also, not like, I wasn't thinking about the show getting shut down. I was thinking, these people have been drinking for three hours.

They're not gonna be able to hit the broad side of a fucking barn, let alone Dustin. One of us is getting tagged in the fucking mouth if those apples start flying. Wherever they're aiming, they can throw straight down. I'm still worried about getting hit by an apple from a drunk person. I think somebody's girlfriend must have gone through and confiscated the apples, I don't know, because I'm surprised none of them flew with the stage.

Let me see, I got Digi Bro also on the line. Digi Bro. Hey, Digi Bro, you were there, right? Are you? Let me unmute this dude. Yeah, you should bring in Juan first, though. He's at work and he's got to leave soon. I should bring in who?

Juan. Oh, I should. Okay, okay, okay, yeah. Bring him in first. Thank you, let me bring him first. I'll bring him in right now. See, that's how it's supposed to explode. Yeah, not like a stereo.

At a bar. All right, Juan, are you there, buddy? Speaking of at a bar. All right, one. Are you there, buddy? Speaking of that, a bar. I'm here. Are you at a fucking bar as well? I'm at work. Oh, you work at a bar. I don't know. So this I've got I've got on the line. I've got on the line. I've got on the lanterns too busy holding mic stands. People. One is the road rage champ, the first ever road rage champ. The champ is here.

How does it feel, Juan? Got a sash and everything. It feels good. I feel like it's the only win I've ever had in my life. So it's pretty great. Me too. I feel like that was the only win I've ever had in my life. See that old show.

Yeah, man. I'm really, really excited. So I wear the sash sometimes. I'll get out of the shower and just put it on, swirl in my room for a little bit. My girlfriend begs me to take it off, but that's a picture. I won't. No. Say no, not too bad.

You want the mustache off? Yes, too bad. Not happening. It's never coming off. So one, we had a rage bucket at the entrance to the show at the merch booth. So I could try to get some of that sweet. By the way, the t-shirt deal was cash only. I had, I didn't anticipate that. So, so I'm going to put the, so the exclusive shirts are going to go up on the store and I'm going to say, so if you,

if you had a card, you know, like a normal human being, if you don't carry around wads of pestilence in your pocket to pay for things like everybody. If you're preferred method of payment is credit card, and the merch booth directed you over to an ATM, and you thought, you know what I'd rather do in life, more than give a bank, $3 for access to my own money

is swallow nails. So fuck you, fuck your ATM. I hope it burns to the fuck. I hope your ATM gets some kind of a fucking curse. So that everybody who touches it themselves gets cursed. If that's what's going through your mind, I'm also gonna put, if anything resembling that is a weird wish. I'm gonna going to put if anything resembling that is a weird

wish. I'm going to put the shores, I'm going to put the shirts up on the stores you can pay with a credit card like an American. Anyway, I had a rage bucket set aside by the merch booth where people could write down what makes them a rage. I think I underutilized it too. Like I should have had, I should have been pulling up, pulling from that bucket more often, and I should have had the rage people maybe come up at the front to kick off the show before we went out there to do it. You know, I don't know.

Anyway, we do things different. I'm looking forward to the next one. Me too. I got a lot of ideas for the next one. I'm gonna talk about them another time though. I don't wanna take up all of the time in the show talking about this one, wink. Juan runs out, I get out the bucket and say like, okay, we're going to do, we're

going to do the rage bucket thing. I've got this beautiful sash made by a bridal lady, made by a bridal design. It did look good. It was professional. Yeah. It was a professional sash made for a, made for a bridesmaid for a professional show. I got to send her a picture of one way to, so I say, all right, we're gonna, we're gonna do this in a little bit. So here, here's the bucket that everybody's been looking at. One runs up, runs down the aisle and says, wait, wait, wait, I didn't get mine in. I get from like 400 people sitting there. Like, I've never seen somebody interrupt church. And there's less people in church. This guy has the balls that just run down in the middle of the show. Hey, Nick, as I'm speaking to people, hey, Nick, I got one more that I want to put in there.

And I'm like, oh man, I am going to roast you for the next 10 minutes because you did this. But I take his little piece of paper and I open it up and it says, what makes me a rage? One you tell it, what makes you a rage? What made me a rage was people who define their personality by Disney and Disneyland. Disney and Disney. Good ones. It's a good one. Do nothing with their lives, but go to Disneyland all the time and think that they're so

cool and that everyone totally gets them. Really they're just fucking losers who do nothing. So 80's girls sit in front row with a Mickey Mouse shirt off. Yeah, with their Mickey Mouse underpants on, under her skirt. And I'm like, oh, honey, this one's for you. One, you're definitely getting in. You are definitely going to give this one. And I am going to stare at definitely getting in. You are definitely gonna give this one, and I am gonna stare at her.

I didn't know she was a big Disney fan. I mean, she's a chick from Southern California, man. Yes, I'm from Southern California, dude. They're all like that. They're all like guys. Yeah, all gay guys too. Yeah, a lot of gay guys. They all think about, all day is getting proposed

to in front of that stupid Cinderella castle. That is all the fucking the wheel at California adventure that on the river, they love that one too. I don't know what that is. That's it. I've only been to California adventure once and I went straight to Napa Valley. You're going to need, you're made, you're going to have to come over here, hook his belt to my asshole and pull me out of this bar,

because I do not give a fuck about anything else, any of the shitty roller coasters that everybody pretends are so fun at Disneyland, and they're all, it's all just watered down fun. Well, you don't go to anything having to do with Disney for like thrill rides. You know what I mean? Like the thrills all. But for these people, they're thrill rides.

For all these people, it's like the most exciting part of their day. It is. Yeah. Okay. It is anyway. So you, so you won one. That was, that's why that's the story of how one got up there. And then 10 minutes later was wearing a sash that makes it because of Dix passive

aggressive. Take down of 80s girls love of all things Disney. She wants, it's constant. And it's not sneaky. I know like she hints, hints, hints that she wants to go to Disneyland. I'm like, you know what, it's not a sneaky hint that you're giving me, that you, every time you talk,

oh, you know what, I really love about Disneyland? I say, I'm gonna stop you right there. Cause I know what you're love about Disneyland? I say, I'm gonna stop you right there. Yeah. Because I know what you're trying to do. I know I'm on to you. I'm on to you. I sneak up on the side. I'm on to you.

All right, anyway, buddy. Did you have fun? Did you have a good time? Dude, I had a fantastic time. Hey, let me get a region. Yeah, let's go ahead. Yeah, let's go ahead. All right, so my reach today is small aches and pains throughout the day, where you reach down and you feel a pain in the back of your knee or in your elbow

And it makes you stop and nurse this wound You're you're you're you're it stops you from doing what you want to do and then you realize the slow crawl of death It's coming for you and you realize that it's almost over God is around like for you. There's nothing to stop you your Your body is falling apart at the scenes and there's there's only so much Botox you can shoot in your ass and your face to stop this. It's a sycophia in effort to fight time and God and everything. Fuck that. All right. So that's my rage. Small X-Pain. Small X-Pain's slashing. That's not.

It's a new print commercial. Small X-Pains are just reminding you of your impending death. The impending doom of life. Okay. Just reminding you of your your impending you know death impending doom of life Okay, and they start like I have stopped working out so many times because I just have a little stabbing pain in my shoulder There's something I'm like that's it. I can't it's over stuck. I mean God put me in time out once again Once again God has chosen in his infinite wisdom to screw me over even though I do nothing to nobody infinite wisdom to screw me over. Even though I do nothing to nobody, just mine my own business all the time.

Once again, I'm the personal joke kicking boy, whipping boy, kickstand, punching bag for God and all of his jokes, for giving me little aches and pains all over where I can't go work out and turn into a big beefy, muscular God that I want a shredded God that I want to. Dick on equal terms with the small starving African child. Shhhh.

Sean, when you put it like that. It's worse that he danked it. It's worse that I have the gym dangled in front of me. Yeah, I know what even have holes. They don't know what a 24 hour fitness is. Exactly. They don't have a can of creatine sitting in their cabinet. Upstairs going unused. for our fitness. They don't have a can of creatine sitting in their cabinet upstairs

going unused. I paid $50 for that I have to every time I want to snack to get to eat my pain and misery away. I have to see that creatine judging me from the top shelf, looking down at me and saying, hey, fat fuck, what happened to the gym. And I just look up and see a vulture. Hey, not to bring it down, Sean, everything is a kind of, what's, what, there was this guy, this guy I met, I forget, I met him at some, some asshole convention. I think it was like an improv class.

It was one. No, no, no, no, this other time. Yeah, me, that's not one. Not one. I met this dude at an improv class who was, he was like a rock climber, but he was doing extreme, climber, but he was, was extreme. Yeah. Pist me off immediately. And he was talking to a bunch of girls.

The best thing about improv level one class is take it, take, you know, it's, it's fun. Well, it will make you funnier, like a first level improv class, but then every, every class after that will make you less funny and turn you into a weird, cultish asshole. The first one is great and that's the one that all the chicks are in. Because actresses go to these classes so they can say they went there. Because for some reason, they can't just fucking lie. Even though their entire job is lying, for some reason, they can't just lie on the resume.

Anyway, getting ahead of, I'm getting distracted. This guy's, this rock climbers telling a bunch of these broads how about his rock climbing. One of them goes, oh wow, are there any, are there any like older people there? Cause one of the girls was old. She's like, is there any, was someone like me, my age? She was younger, she was probably 30 when she said it.

And he goes, you know, you goes, you know, you know, age is just a number. And the guy was like 23 or something like that. And I stopped, don't get me started on, on stupid platitudes that people say. And I stopped like Quinn giving his jaws, giving his an older gay speech from jaws. And I'm like, let me tell you something about age.

It's not a number. It haunts you all fucking day every day. It is the sickness. It is a sickness of dread that travels around your veins and will occasionally stab you. And you don't know when it's coming next, but it's coming and it's bringing its friends. And there is no fucking escape. Escape. It is a steady march to the fucking grave.

It's father time is undefeated. Don't you ever tell me that age is a number again? Cause it is especially at 23. I'm gonna shut your mouth. Yeah, let me save you, you know, another 10 years of saying stupid shit like that. All right, Juan, get out here. Don't say everything happens for a reason.

Don't say. Thank you. If you got another Sasha, the next one, I want one. I want two now. I want seven. I want more Sasha. Like Amo belts. I don't say you. If you got another Sasha, the next one, I want one. I want two now. I want seven. I want more Sasha's. Like ammo belts. I am bringing another one.

I'm bringing one to every road race. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to take them all. Oh, wow. We might have a belt situation. Really? Like an instant. Yeah.

All right, buddy. You got your work cut out for you. All right, man. See you later. Well, it's a cool guy too. I talked to him for a while. It's cool guy. He's a good dude.

He, I think he was on stage for the Shawna like, wasn't he? Yeah, he came up for that too. Yeah, he came up for that and was you immediately sent him home. He wasn't wearing a black v-neck. Oh no, no, it was terrible. He just, he's just shameless. Shameless. Shameless attention.

What, he came right back and won the road right? I would just talk to him. Yeah. The second he's off. Yeah. She's getting on him. All right. Where's Digi bro? I said he was a good guy. He's a good guy. Hey, what up, Dick? Hey, Digi bro. Thanks for coming. No problem. What did you have a good time?

I had a fantastic time, Dick. I got shit faced. I screamed a lot. I found every way to make it about and, uh, and it was awesome. Like it about who you found every way to make it about and and it was awesome. Like it about who you found every way to make it about you. You broke up. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I found every way to make it about me. You know, screamed in between everything. Everyone was saying. So he's who's you?

That was you the whole time. Oh, yeah. The guy who who instead of laughing just screamed. Yeah. After a joke, that was me. The guy who ran up to the stage when Santa Cuck was throwing out, I'm sorry, Asterios was throwing out crap. I'm the one who completed for him to give me the box of tasty cakes to throw out at the audience. Yeah.

That was a used box of tasty cakes, by the way. Asterios opened them up backstage. Oh, no, he didn't. I had to open that box. It was hard to get old. was a used box of tasty cakes, by the way, Stereo's opened them up backstage. Oh, no, he didn't. I had to open that box. It was hard to get. Then, then, Stereo's had two,

Oh, Yeah, He probably ate the whole first. Then he was putting, he was putting on a show of, of like debating whether or not to open the box of tasty cakes backstage, knowing full well that he had brought it on purpose to open backstage, and that he had another box for the show.

He's like, Lifecoaches story. So, So, how about we get into that cake? well that he had brought it on purpose to open backstage and that he had another box for the show. It's like life coach's story. So, so how about we get into that cake? Yeah, instantly those are disgusting. I decided to keep one for myself and eat it and I choked on it. So you choked and that's tasty cakes? Did you bro walks up, he's wearing like a bathrobe like the dude. Yeah, when I see him. I'm trying to remember how I dress.

That's normal. That's normal for you. I do remember him. He's walking up, he's walking up just wearing like a bathrobe. Like he's rolling in, you know, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, on show, I just was at a Mexican restaurant in that right before the show. I was trying to get my Mexico up. I'm three deep on cicadas, by the way, or how to not. Sean, could you edit in like someone pronouncing that correctly? The Mexican beer.

Yeah, to Coddy. I'll tell you. But it's close to everybody knows what you're talking about. As soon as they started selling it here, we can pronounce it anyway we please. That's the deal. As soon as you start selling your product, they don't sell it where you're right. Because I've seen you drinking it on the show.

That's why I'm drinking it. He means in the United States. Yeah. As soon as it crosses the border into the US, it's ours. It's ours. We get to butcher the name. We can say it however we want.

T-cats. That's what I call them. Giving a couple T-cats. Give me a T-cate light. T-cates and takeos. Give me a 40 of T-cate. Give me a tall boy of t-cate. Yeah.

And if they look at me confused, I'm like, buddy, you better figure that out. You better do some quick figuring in your head and know what the fuck I'm talking about because I'm not doing that again. I'm not wrong here. It's you. Get it together.

Hey, didn't you bring, didn't one of your associates have get cut off at the bar? Yeah, I'll tell the story for my friend, the DeVue, he's my editor. Well, the weird thing is he wasn't drunk. I had never been cut off at a bar for being drunk. I was never drunk. No, I'm completely serious. DeVue is just eccentric and he's always like that. He was on beer number two. and he's always like that. So he was on like beer number two,

and the thing is he gave the guy, he gave the guy his card, and the guy took the card, gave him a beer, and then the guy, like DeVue took one sip, the guy took the beer back from him, poured it out and gave him a cup of water. It didn't charge him. So he just thinks DeVue's drunk,

but no, that's just how he acts. He just moves a lot. I, on the other hand, was shit-faced. I went up for like seven drinks because I know what to do. I went up, I like ran stumbling up to the bar and then just straightened out right when I got there. Like, just in my fucking coat and everything.

You have to put on a show. You cannot be yourself in order at a bar. It's like talking to a woman. You can have a chance like your classy. You have to be a man who's ordering a drink and who's not going to do anything weird with it. Yeah, exactly. I threw, man, I threw around plenty of fliffy or show. I don't know if buying, buying drinks helped you in any way. No, it didn't. No, that's unfortunate. Spread it out. All right. Yeah. I also bought pizza drink. Got to say that I bought a beautiful woman.

Not used to that. So she looked good at that event. She looked great. And it's she crawled up in my in my robe for our picture together. Jesus Christ. She was she was kind of slashed. I think there are not a story music for that. It's a lot of booze blowing. Okay, buddy. You got to rage for me. Thanks for coming. Yes, I do have a big rage. Sure. A huge rage, really my rage is that you didn't get to this raid, because I drove my,

my, me and my associates. I didn't actually know it wasn't behind the wheel, but really all wearing a ton of sand in his lawyer. Let's go. We drove six fucking hours out to Philadelphia to hear you rage about taxes. We're the only one who told him son and his lawyer. Uh, we drove six fucking hours out to Philadelphia to hear you rage about taxes. You didn't rage about taxes almost at all. No, I got distracted right away.

Yeah, I got to do your job for you this time. Man, well, I got to do it next year when taxes. We've got a great tech story for this year. Okay, go ahead. Cause like you, I'm a Patreon guy. I make all my money from Patreon and from YouTube, bad revenue. So I go in there. I have to pay self-employment tax, which they charge you at the ask for on turbo tax. I already have to pay over $200 just to turbo tax to file the taxes.

Because they hit me with all these fines for being self-employed, and I buy the audit protection. Yeah. I write off everything I've purchased all fucking year. Every single thing that I've bought that has any relationship to my work, I write off. I still have to pay $7,500. So that's like 10 computers this year.

Yeah. I bought a robot Sean that I have to write off. Yeah. I bought some furniture. I bought about six houses of furniture for the show that I have to write off. Yeah. I bought some furniture. I bought about six houses of furniture for the show. I got to write off all these all this drinking I've been doing, cooking up stories. I got I got a good. I have written up some alcohol for my because I drink constantly in my in my vlogs.

But yeah, that counts. Anything I remember the receipts for. So yeah, so I have to even after all these right off, $7,500. Now, I can't file my taxes online, because the IRS has my birthday wrong. Oh, what a pain in the ass. They have my birthday wrong. So every year, I have to fucking print my tax forms,

which of course, I don't have a working printer in my house, because who needs to print anything? And printers are a pain in the ass. Yeah, but you're not like a weird religious, like a weird Amish guy or something. You're a regular human person who does not have a printer and does not use cash money to pay for anything. Exactly. Which is also why I couldn't buy a shirt at the road rage.

Don't worry, they'll be available online. So and also you should have brought the hot goth shirt. That's the one I wanted. So I go out to, to Best Buy and I fucking buy a printer. Like, just for this purpose, I was like, it's kind of a pain not having a printer around. You could use props that I could print and shit. So, I go to buy a printer. That's a wireless printer. I'm thinking Bluetooth. It's thinking Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi is so bad in my room. This printer won't even interface with my computer. So shout out to Madcooks for bringing in printers. That was a huge fucking rage. I still haven't made

this thing work. So that's $60 just for no fucking reason. At least I can write it off. But so I can't print this shit. So I have to go to FedEx, print out all my fucking tax forms. Then I have to just, I have to, I don't know about you, Dick. I get paranoid about taxes all year. All I'm thinking about is make sure I have enough money for taxes. Make sure I have enough saved up at the end of the year. No, I do not, I do not worry about that at all. In fact, one year, one year, I was so bad at paying, at getting my taxes in that I would have been, I would have been in the

whole, I would have had a tax bill that I could not cover and the size of it was scary. Like I would have been, it was the, it was the kind of bill that you worry about like, like you're going to marry a girl and she's like, hey, by the way, I got this credit card bill and makes you go, oh my god, that's, this is how much money you owe. Like I am never going to be able to dig my way out of this hole. Right? This is what I was looking at. I had one year, I had an incredible year and I wasn't paying it.

I made a shit ton of money in a very short amount of time. What are you doing? The ass farming, the ass weather was good. The engineering man. Exactly. How to wet spring in a ass hog came out of the ass, sick and saw his ass. Maybe I don't have extra six weeks in Proin Season. No, but the check that I had to write was was scary. And I can cover it. So I couldn't cover it.

This one year that it was, I don't know why I was being such an asshole this year, just blowing money. It was a combination of things of like making more, making a lot one year. And in the next year, the company went under halfway through the year and I made nothing. And I didn't set anything aside from the first one. And I continued living like a huge asshole the second year. Like just like, I don't need to, I don't need to face reality. Reality needs to face me. That's not how it works, but go.

So I get the tax bill and we're talking, we're talking a five figure out that I hadn't put in because it was all, it was all self-employment and I just didn't do it right. Like I don't wanna give the government a fucking loan, a free loan of my money. I'll take it, I'll take it and just look at it. I'll just take it and build a fucking fort out of it all year.

As long as the government doesn't get to make any money on it, fine, you're not getting a free fucking loan. I don't look at a tax return and say, oh wow, thank God, you've had my money all year. This is a great success. I'm gonna have a big fucking party to get my money back. I always try to skate the line. Skate is closely as possible to doing,

to not giving them extra money. And for me, that means to just keep it all. Yes. Five figure tax bill comes and I'm like, I'm fucked. I have no, I got a big ol' goose egg in the bank. I might have to do the unthinkable and ask my fucking parents for money. And there would be, there would be nothing more embarrassing than having to ask my dad for tax money because I just, and I've been asking like,

your dad is such a good example of how like your dad is financially savvy. Right. He knows money and that's what I mean. He knows money better than better than anyone I've ever known. Yes. And I would put him up against a huge advantage to grow up with too. The fact that like as I know you've paid attention to that. I grew up watching the fucking finance channel.

Like what most kids grow up watching. No, I don't know shit about sports. I grew up watching my father. His pockets come with no bottoms. You know, like that's so he could jerk off and is with his hand like sneakily. What do you mean with all the money? Oh, and the pockets come pre burned pre burned. Oh, yeah, I was talking about my dad's financial

advice at the road rage show. Yeah. I think the consensus was that everybody wants him to be on an episode anyway. That would be great. It would have been the ultimate shame to have to ask him for money because I would have never lived it down. It would have been no problem.

He would have said, yeah, here you go. Yeah, sure. He came me back whenever and it was like, oh man, I would have never lived it down and I would have never been able to act so brazenly like an irresponsible asshole ever again. That was, it would have been like, because every, every time I told a story about going to the Pacific dining car or like going to Vegas and just spending and just behaving recklessly, I had a bar of five fingers on your dad.

He would have given me that look like, oh yeah, you think that's cool and I would have been like, God damn it, no, it's not cool. It's not cool. I need to borrow five fingers from your dad. He would have given me that look like, oh yeah, you think that's cool? And I would have been like, God damn it, no, it's not cool. It's not cool. I need to learn. The only thing that can shame me. I need to learn the error of my way is daddy. But, I got a call. Wait, it gets better. I got a call from Simon and Schuster,

the publishing company, the people who published Men and Better than Women. And they said, hey, how come you haven't been cashing your checks? I'm like, what are you talking about? What I've cached every check I've ever gotten. And they're like, well, we've got like six checks that you haven't cached.

Is your address? Is your address, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, I said, no, that's not my address. This is my address. Please send me those. And it was the exact amount of the tax bill plus like 500 bucks, which I immediately took to the bar and said,

yep, I added in my head the whole time. I knew what I was doing the whole time. I knew I had the money. I knew I had it somewhere. It just hadn't caught up to me. So let's celebrate this fucking matrix. Like that right back at zero. I've never been to Burns finding out he's in vents.

Oh, I've never been to. So many diseases and he's on the precipice of death. Yeah. Oh no, everything's just holding an in vents. I've never been so happy to have nothing. I was like, oh man, and this is, and this, and I remember sitting there and getting those six checks from Simon and Schuster and just, and signing them as I'm depositing them

straight into the fucking IRS going, I didn't learn a fucking thing. Perfect. Here you go. Go fuck yourself. Go buy a one percent of a missile with these and waste it. I don't ever, I don't want to see you assholes until next year. That's my tax story anyway. It's beautiful. Yeah, thank you. Unfortunately, I'm less irresponsible than you so far. Give it time. Yeah, give it time. I mean, the the more shit like what I'm about to describe happens, the closer I'm going to get to just saying, fuck it, but I'm paranoid about money. So, yeah, so I'm having to fucking write $7,500 in checks that I just have to put into an envelope and mail to the IRS.

And I don't trust the post office at all. Like I'm fully expecting that this money could just evaporate on its way there. Like, what has ended certified? What is all this paper going to do, you know, out in the open, out in the world? You know what I really think that the post office has like a special golden truck that they use

for anything addressed to the IRS. It's like, all right, we all don't care about regular mail, but this has to fucking get, like they put their top guys on it. I'd love to believe that, Dick, unfortunately, even if you were right, it wouldn't have saved me because I only send mail about once a year when it's tax time. So I might be a little rusty on where to put the address lines, where the sender address is and where to receive. I mailed them to myself. Did he say rusty or retarded? He said, been awarded.

I said rusty, but on the 22nd, my brother comes walking up to me smiling with this like, with this ashamed smile, the kind that says like he knows that you fucked up and you don't even know how yet. And hands me to envelopes. And it's like, you made these to yourself, you fucking idiot. So that was, that was the return address. That's, I don't put return addresses anymore, because I don't want it. Well, the reason I did is because last year, I put this away for me for a reason.

And they had to send them back to me for some reason. Anyway, yeah, so I get, and of course, it's three o'clock on Saturday that they're already closed and I can't go today because they're closed. And I'm just like racking up the fees that I'm going to have to pay just by waiting each day. Like when do I get to send these back? So yeah, that's why I'm a rage about taxes because none of this should have happened. Why do they have my birthday wrong?

Why does snail mail still fucking exist? Why are we ever sending shit this way? No, I don't know. It exists to give you coupons. Yes, that's why the United States Postal Service exists to give you coupons. The entire system is set up to deliver those shitty news print coupons to you every day.

So in case you happen to be moving, you can save them up for a week and then pad your glassware with them. But otherwise throw them into a fucking landfill and then pad your glass wear with them. But otherwise, throw them into a fucking landfill. That's the only reason it exists. All right, buddy, go terrorize the Denys with your, with your robe. Is that where you can do some plugs?

Yes, sure. Of course, of course. Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, I'm DigiBrow. I've got a channel called DigiBrow on YouTube, but I talk about anime shit. I've got a couple of podcasts, one called The Pro Crastinators, also on YouTube. And then another one that I think, and that one

might interest Tick Show fans, we talk about you guys a lot on there. Make reference to the show's funny. I'm going to listen to this show. I'm light up like a slum machine over here. Talk about me. I think that your phone might might enjoy called the insufferable social media pot argument podcast. And it's me and my friend, Munky Jones, another big dickhead you've mentioned on the show before. He and I do a show that's basically like if you combined the concept of the biggest problem with the concept of the stupid Maddox show, the best debate, except that 100% of everything being said is completely retarded satire and

just edgy bullshit. So if you want to hear like if biggest problem was just a farce, that's what our show is. Cool. So it's the insufferable social media argument, the podcast. We'll check it out. Thanks for coming. Call in again if you get a route for having me in. I hope next year, next year I'll for having me in. I hope, you know, I'll talk next year. Next year I'll talk more about taxes. I hope so. All right, buddy. See you later.

Peace. Okay, I've got a really funny guy on the line here. This was, we got a little distracted this week. We did. Yeah, I had a bunch of real hard-hitting stuff that I wanted to get to. Really? Sean, of course.

Child trafficking makes me a rage. Oh. The whole Russia thing. Yeah. With Sean, I can. Child trafficking makes me a rage. Oh. The whole Russia thing with Sean. I can't think of the third serious issue to make this funny, but we got a little off course. I've got a guy on the line right now who I think is one of the funniest guys in internet history with his,

oh, hey Ken, are you there? Wait, wait, wait, is that how this works? Can you guys hear me? Yeah, we can hear you. I thought I was, I thought I completely screwed up this discord app. No, no, no, you sound great. I mean, you sound better than a stereos.

Yeah, he's, you're funny. You sound good, man. So I think Ken M, for a lot of people know who Ken M is, if you don't, he's like, he's a troll in the truest sense of the word in the funniest sense of the word in the most Hulsome sense of the word yes Ken M is a guy who will go on like internet He's like he's like the Zoro of internet comedy like he'll drop into Yahoo answers and say the most the most and say the most, the most inane, harmless,

and confoundingly stupid responses to these that always seem kind of positive. But, Ken, let me know if there's anything you wanna add to this, but people will trip over themselves to call him out, and he just keeps roping them in. Like he just keeps reeling them in and making the one about the, we only have six species left to discover. Yeah, that just killed me. It's hard to kill me.

It's, it's hard to describe his hits. If you, if you didn't read them yourself, but on one of them, Ken M appears in an article about finding a new species in the ocean and he goes, wow, it's cool that they found it. You know, there's scientists say there's only six species left undiscovered and just leaves it like that. And the people get on and get to who the fuck like tripping over themselves to show that they're smarter than this guy for no reason.

Like for no so great for no fucking reason at all. And he just continues doubling down with, well, you know, they, how they do it is, they just take a look at all the species and they see the ones that they haven't found yet. It's very simple, very simple stuff. Ken, how you doing? You guys, man, thanks for the, uh, thanks for the kind words and intro. Yeah, I love your stuff. I've been a huge fan forever.

Um, what's your favorite Ken M. Ism? I mean, favorite interaction of all time. Yeah. I think that would be. Are you lifting weights? Yeah, brand stuff. So probably there was one with Bush's baked beans that just went on forever.

And I felt kind of guilty because of somebody's actual job as a moderator who has to answer this poor, stupid old man. But, um, yeah, it was just, uh, I was just shocked by how long it went on without it being, because I tried to make it obvious that I'm kidding after a while. So it's not like, oh, you really do. Sure. But the longer people get invested in showing how stupid you are and how smart they are, the harder it is for them to see it's a joke.

Like you'll start getting really outlandish and people are still right there trying to correct them about the number of species in the ocean. What did you say? What was the big beans thing? What was that one? Getting this from getting the brand right. Oh, I just start off with asking why I can get a refund and of course I do this old man avatar. Yeah, he's like this kind of sweet look came moronic 80 year old guy and

I said I try to get a refund because I I opened up the beam can and all the flavor popped out So all I could taste was the texture just complete nonsense Peter from there were my complaints making less and less sense. And so I said I will call them from my computer because my grandson hooked up Skype. So then in the next text I write hello, like I probably just go off like two and a half days which started to feel like a sadist after a while, but um, you do?

They eventually figured I was kidding, so. Well, hey, you're given then something to do. I mean, otherwise they're just sitting around answering actual customer complaints, which are all gonna be just as crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I had that job once by the way, that's a shitty job. Um,

who were you doing customer complaints for? Yeah. For, for a social, for like a brand Facebook or Twitter page, man, that is, that is a rough job. What were they doing? What was that company making? Did it for, I worked for this, like digital ad agency that did, um, you know, like major brands like say, let's just say role dates. I'm not going to name the actual brands, but it's that thing that brands do where they try to humanize themselves on Facebook and sound really cool for millennials. Some millennials will buy the deal or whatever. Yeah. And it's, you know, just like cringe-worthy stuff you have to write and rules of engagement. And so, yeah, I don't know why I was abusing somebody who actually had a job that I know

is horrible, but they'd be doing that with somebody else anyway. So if it wasn't me. What's another big one that you remember? I'm trying to get people who haven't heard of you to check out your stuff. I mean, I'm at, I got the Ken M greatest hits on a speed dial to show new people. What's another one of your favorites? If you go to the top on Reddit, on my subreddit, I feel like the top rated because I have like a thousand of these and I really have a favorite. I like, I like the ones where instead of me having a joke prepared somebody responds in a way I didn't expect. So I have to in a completely different direction. That's just more fun. It feels a little bit more like improv. And

the jokes are always weirder, you know, when, when the conversation goes off the rails. It feels a little bit more like interacting with a human at that point. That's bad. Yeah. What makes you do this? I really want to know because you don't, you can't monetize it. Like it's a Yahoo answer or it's on Facebook. I was going to say, what, yeah, how do you, yeah, what's wrong with you that makes you

want to do this? I don't know, man. I mean, I mean, rich and boring. Yeah, I definitely don't do it for internet fame because it's not even real fame and I you know because you know I'm reckoning paid for it or anything. I just uh I'm fascinated by the way people talk to each other on internet comment sections. It's like instead of having a real conversation they just want to like tell somebody that they're stupid, you know?

And we're talking about like the belts, not like snarky teens, you know? Oh yeah. So I just find it fascinating and it's like, it's darkly funny to me. Yeah. And I just slowly try to figure out a way to use that, you know, just serve something that I thought would be funny. Oh, God, it is. For some reason, people... I mean, I did end up getting a column in college humor for a couple years because of this,

and I got a job, my current job, I got kind of because of this. Oh, really? So, do you do comedy stuff in your real life? I work for a pretty big entertainment network as a copywriter. Is it the madcast media network? It's comedy based. That's awesome, man. That makes me happy to hear that you didn't just cause a bunch of trouble and then disappear.

It's the most innocent kind of trouble. Well, because he's not like Ken M does it. Nothing malicious about it. It's just fucking funny. It's not even antagonistic. No. Like he's right when he says there's something wrong with people that makes them just want to cut this poor 80 year old guy down because they could just leave it alone, but there's like a compulsion for them to just say, no, you're an idiot.

Like stop talking, you're an idiot. Like there's high, there's, I don't know, there's high, this high of mine need to call people out. That's what makes it, and it's like, it overpowers their rational mind. They don't ever stop to think, well, maybe this is just a joke. They just need that satisfaction of calling you an idiot. It's part of the beauty of the internet as you can't tell. Yeah. It depends on like the more outlandish the statement,

there's gonna be people who think, oh, he's obviously kidding. He's obviously an idiot. And then the other side, he's obviously a fucking idiot. Yeah. Uh, ha ha ha. Yeah.

What made you start? Not everybody's school sometimes. Sometimes people call me out because they know what I do already. And they're like, Ken, please go to hell. We know you're kidding. And why are you still doing this? Because I've been doing it for four and a half years. Why did you start?

What made you start? What's that? What made you start? Ken, that? What made you start? Again, there's a lot of rummaging and rumbling going on over there. Yeah, what are you doing? Are you putting together like a weight bench or? I am actually pacing around with my laptop. I have no idea why I didn't know that was audible. that's funny. Yeah, we can hear it. We can hear it. I'm like, yeah. We thought you were like moving boxes around.

Yeah, just taking a break, taking to shoot the shit and answer some questions. Yeah. Be furniture. It seemed like a good time. So what made you start? So this is kind of boring, but I started because I actually was seriously trying

to talk to people on comment sections because I'm kind of a news junkie and I like to chat about stuff. Yeah. Well, that I mean, that's pretty naive of me and so you went on to a news site. I was surprised by how no matter how nice you are people are always telling you that you're a moron Just looking for a way to disagree. Yeah, and it's not most sites, it's really just like Yahoo. It's bet, Yahoo is like the worst. Yeah. Where people just really are interested in the conversation. So just the whole dynamics, he really absurd to me.

And I was like, well, let's make it even more absurd. Let's have it even less helpful of an interaction here to where it's just, I was just like dialing up on an absurd dynamic, I think it's just, I was just like dialing up an absurd dynamic, I think that was already there. Yeah. So I don't know, I just kept doing it and it became more and more fun for me to do. Got it. So fine. That's, that's, that's, that's the, that's the great story. I don't know. No, it's perfect because you came in just wanting to make some friends and have a nice conversation and Everybody ruined it. Yeah, and they just turned you into this trolling monster. You know what it is

You know what it really is. I vowed never to talk politics with With my family again Because we disagreed on a lot of stuff and things would get a little out of hand and later I'd be like why the hell am I talking to my dad like this? Why am I taking this disrespectful tone just because of politics? And so I guess because I like talking about especially politics so much, I just figured I'd try to be very respectful. Because I had a bit of a temper and I was always embarrassed after I kind of ashamed to like take stuff personally or be personal towards other people with politics. So yeah, I get the, it's like the, I don't want to talk politics and then three drinks later,

I'm screaming like Alex Jones about interdimensional pedifiers. Oh man, I've been that guy. I have been that guy and I have been that guy. And I hadn't been that guy for like five or six years. And then, you know, the 2016 election comes along. Oh, did you have, did that cause some problems for you? Everybody was on a hair trigger. What side were you on?

Oh, I mean, you know, probably I don't know, I'm not a Trump fan. Well, that's it. We have no more time. That's a wrap. I don't know if that's a surprise or what? You're not a Trump, so you were with her? I was with her because Bernie backed out. Oh man.

Or Bernie lost the primary. So lost stolen. More of the Elizabeth Warren progressive mode, I'm not really into like, you know, the neoliberal Democrats. Right. This is getting really serious. Sorry. You thought you were having a good idea. I want to know more about Ken M. I want to know what goes on to these posts because I think they're brilliant. How do you think they're going to, how do you think they're going to turn it around? How do you think you guys are gonna turn it around for the next time?

I just figured the guy is gonna fuck up enough to where he's, I don't really have much faith in the president's competency level. Well, yeah, but who are you gonna run against him? I think you're gonna punish. That's a very good question. You're gonna punish the incumbent with a midterm. I don't know, but this will be a thorn.

Waron? Oh, man, I don't know, but it was worth it to be. Oh, man, I don't know. Yeah, I would love it if it were her. But to be honest, I've been a little out of the, I'm not really in the weeds with elections that far in advance. Yeah. Well, maybe if she can get away from doing her rain dances

and selling turquoise. Yeah, no, man. I can't get it well hiking in the woods. What's the future for Ken M? Because Ken M would make a great political commentator with like how with his folksy wisdom, like he's like an anti-micuckaby. Like this, everything reduced to these ridiculous absurdist takes on like what politics is really about. I could see Ken M being a hell of a political commentator who is, who is no more or less stupid than every other political commentator out there. You know what I mean?

Yeah, that'd be fun. That'd be really fun. Um, I try to make him kind of an equal opportunity idiot. Like sometimes he's porting to the leftist point of view, but in a way that's completely absurd and then other times, you know, maybe on the right. Because it's really fun to riff with different types of stupidity.

Yeah. Yeah, that could be, that could be really fun. I'm not really an actor that one. I'm pretty, it's a pretty normal looking dude. No, I would read, I would read a K&M political comment, like editorial blog, whatever. Yeah, that could be cool. I just had the idea of, you know, videos where I would actually hire really old men to do things in public that my character would seem to be likely to do, you know. Where does K& M live to you?

Like what's his living situation? Is he married? Where's he live? Yeah, is he married? Is he have kids? Where does paint a picture of Ken M that you have in your head? Yeah, I picture the guy you know, he's he's on his like Dell tower computer in his garage He's got he's got a wife He's always talking about his grandson. And it's implied that his grandson is at least as stupid as he is, you know, maybe like 10 years old. And yeah, his wife is also not very bright.

He's always writing these like awful poems that he shares on the line online. Yeah, that's good. Talking about minions. The warning being fake and stuff. Yeah. Oh, he probably lives in rural Pennsylvania. I only say that because I lived in rural Pennsylvania for a while. We got a guy who lives, we got a mic stand who lives in rural Pennsylvania.

Yeah, on the show. All right, dude, thanks for, hey, what makes you a rage? By the way, I ask everybody that, what makes you a rage? What pisses you off more than anything else? You rage. Shit. I should have been compared for this. That's okay.

Okay, so I live in New York, and what makes me rage is when there's like this random can, empty can on the subway that's rolling back and forth, and I keep having to kick it away. And then 30 seconds later, it comes back. There's something for some reason that's the most, that's rolling back and forth and keep having to kick it away. And then 30 seconds later it comes back. There's something for some reason that's the most horrible thing. Yeah, it's like a horror film. Get the fuck away from me, can.

It's trash. It's gross. It's like the sticky, and it happens like once a week. So. Is it Bush's baked beans? I feel like this is something that the actual can, can M would say that there's a can of beans attacking him on the subway that he can't get rid of. That's awesome.

Oh, it's so frustrating. It's kind of the spiritual thing that's honing in on him. Yeah, hey, where can people go anywhere besides you subreddit to see you or you'll get, you got anything you want to plug? Oh, yeah, thanks, man. Yeah. Besides you subreddit to see you or you'll get you got anything you want to plug. Oh, yeah. Thanks, man Yeah, you can follow me on Twitter. It's at horsey surprise that's a Okay, I'm not even gonna ask what's the horsey surprise long story

And I'm on Facebook the real can-em is my official Facebook the real can-em Can-em sounds like more of a badass than I thought he would. Oh yeah. Yeah. Doesn't he? I sound like a tough guy. I never, I did. What do you, Ken?

What do you lift? What do you bench? What do you put in a laptop? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. You gotta start lifting, man. You gotta, I have a fucking water-rolling machine.

Um. Like Ken, like Kevin Spacey and all right. I hate to exercise, but I really, like, well, I was getting married, so I had to like lose some weight. And every time I would get a gym membership, I like just would waste the money by not going. Sure. So I got to say a water rowing machine is, you know, if you want to have very minimal muscle build and lose like maybe six pounds, I don't know, it's just easy. Your water rowing machine. All right.

That's a little tip from Ken M. Water rowing machine, Sean. I can see you being a rower. You got the build. If I do something like a badass, it's because my voice is like an octave deeper than it normally is because I'm getting over this like raging flu. The flu in a hangover will make you sound like a badass. Alright, Ken, thanks a lot for calling in. I'll send people to Horsey Surprise, a real Ken M on Facebook. I want to see the Ken M, I want to see the Ken M opposite of Ann Coulter online. I want to see the Ken M. I want to see the Ken M opposite of Ann Coulter online. I want to see I want to see the old guy the old guys take on the

The midterms the 2018 midterms season. That's an awesome idea. Yeah, it takes me on guys. You guys are awesome. Yeah, let us know if you want to help with getting an old guy on camera We just probably do that. I will take you up on that, my friend. Yeah, let me know. All right, then have a good one. Get back to moving your box. I would love to see that. Can M writing scripts for an old dude and just pretending that it's totally real? Just like an old guy and a like a, and those, those old, those old white shirts that old guys wear. That I don't know where they get them. Old white shirts that always wear them. Yeah, like every old guy is always wearing like a,

they all have, the standard old man starter pack is a white t-shirt with blue boxer underpants. Isn't that what they all and socks and those and dress socks and like straps that and like a garter belt for your socks that I don't even know what they're called. I don't know where they get them. They've got like a like a weird sock store that old men go to that where they get this stuff. I don't know what they are. I'm so amazed to get in the club. I'm gonna get access to that kind of. You know what I noticed? So we moved 80 80s early, I moved into this house, and there was an old guy who lived here before us.

When I found out it was a hoarder recently. Really? Yeah, before he died. Was there like a ton of shit when you were like? No, it was all cleaned out, but somebody, like the neighbors was in here while he was here, and they're like, you couldn't even move in here. Wow.

Because there was so much hoarding going on. I've been in a few houses, because people, I think I've mentioned it a long time. I've, I praised real estate for five years in my 20s. And yeah, occasionally you'll go, they'll, some old lady who's been living there for, you know, 30 years and is refying.

And yeah, it's, it's scary. It's scary. How much hoarding goes on? Like how much actual hoarding, how weird. Half a dozen that I would honestly consider hoarders as in like on the TV show. Yeah. So a case of that was going on here.

Yeah. He died, we're in the house now, but we're still getting male. We're still getting old people male, which is like, Dr. Leonard's old people shit catalog. I gotta bring this thing, I gotta bring this thing in one of these time. Dr. Leonard's.

Dr. Leonard's, it's like Dr. Leonard Cohen's catalog of bullshit, like over-priced Leonard's. Leonard's in the songwriter, but it's not no affiliation. It's Dr. Leonard's catalog of shit. And it's like a stick that helps you get into the bathtub. And like a toilet that's two feet taller than everybody else's toilet. So you can just like lean on it and like a stick that helps you get into the bathtub. And like a toilet that's two feet taller than everybody else's toilet.

So you can just like lean on it and take a shit. I don't know. It's stuff. We've 80s going, I flip through every page. We're like, tell me you've put you in. I tell you you've ordered some of this. Sean, I get it. Oh, well, we'll flip through like it's funny.

Yeah. We'll flip through like it's funny, but then eventually we'll find something that we really want. And we're like, oh, this is how it starts. Yeah. Like, I kind of want this mirror that you can mount on the ceiling and watch TV without lifting your head. Like, maybe, do you think we should...

We can't order from this catalog, can we? Like, we can't, 80s girl and I, like, I'm telling you, we're not allowed to do this, are we? We shouldn't. We shouldn't start buying old people stuff just because when your Bob's cattle are younger than 40. Yeah, we should push this off as long. This is no, no, no, no, no, we got to shut this book down. This is dark magic that we're looking at. This is evil magic. We've got to close it. But we're still getting it. We get it every month. Wow. Leonard, maybe that's where they get the weird socks. I don't know. All right,

I got you haven't got into that page yet, I guess. No, I don't know how. I've got, hey buddy, what do you want me to call you? Oh, hey, you can call me War of the Fan Boys. War of the Fan Boys. All right, War of the Fan Boys happens to be one of the... I'm live, I need you to get back on that table and stay there until I am done chatting.

Is there some parenting going on in the background? Something. Is something like stand on a table, stand on a table. War of the fanboys, you are one of the mods at the Donald, yes? I am, yes, yes. In fact, I keep it free from Cuxen Shields and I just had a band Ken M who knew that he was such a cut. Jesus Christ. I don't know, he's a member. Goofy, Elizabeth Warren, are you kidding me? Discreased Senator Elizabeth Warren? They pre- What a disgrace.

Say preemptively, man. So, I had to ban esterios months ago once he came on and talked about how he was, one that he was a male feminist, and two, that he supported Bernie Sanders, despite the fact that this is the only candidate who's directly implicated in 9-11, are you kidding me? Yeah, you can't, why do they always have to say male feminists, too?

Like, what? I mean, I assume that if he didn't specify that, you wouldn't know that he's a man. Yeah, that's why. He's such a bait. He's such a male feminist. That's why male feminists say I'm a male feminist because they know he's just a woman. They would say like, oh, a woman is coming over. He was going through hormonal therapy to grow that horrible patchy beard that he has.

Oh, man. And as you know, he's probably on birth control, which is why he's fat and disgusting. Maybe he wants the full experience. War of the fanboys emailed me seeing if I would do the AMAA on the Donald. Yeah, it's not gonna catch on, Dick. And he said, he said he's the one that banned his theoryos for, quote, being a cuck.

Yeah, that's a, yeah, I'm in. I'm in. I want the guy to keep the cuck's out. So how did it go? How did the AMAA go? I think, I want the guy to keep the cucks out. So how did it go? How did the AMAA go? I think it was quite possibly one of the best AMAs on the history of Reddit, definitely on the history of the Donald.

Yeah, but possibly ever. Good, awesome. That was really fun. The best AMAA. I don't know if I've talked about it at all in the show, but it was like three hours of just really some real fingers. Yeah. I think one of your comments got like 17 Reddit golds, which is as much as I hate supporting

Reddit, like as much as I hate knowing that people gave money to Reddit to give me that little icon. I love getting them. They make me feel good. It was the best AMA since Donald Trump and self came. Oh, wow. You know how to get back on this show. So what's it like moderating the Donald? What is, how does Reddit treat you?

And what's... Well, sped as a cuck, all of Reddit is full of cucks and liberal shills and garbage. Okay. We are in constant war with actual companies and these organizations that are funded by millions of dollars to come and troll us and essentially Disrupt the influence we have because we have such a a huge reach We get six million daily page hits. We we have created culture

We were a I think a tremendous force in this election last year. Inarguably. Yeah. I mean, you think we've got almost 400,000 subscribers. That's more than 1% of the voting population in America and Trump won a few states by margins less than that. So that's interesting. I think that we definitely had an impact on that. And just just the response that we get, I mean, first you saw Hillary Clinton's campaign launched the character assassination attack on a cartoon frog. Yeah. And and when you, I think of that, when you have actual political powerhouses and dynasties like that battling you at a level that is so absurd, you've won. Even today, we were being overrun by shills trying to talk shit on Marine Le Pen,

who were trying to get elected in France to continue the fight against the Islamification of Europe and globalism in general. You know what they call Pepe in France, right? No, what? Le Pepe. Oh, do they? They call him Le Pepe. I thought it was Royale with cheese. Yeah, the thing about the Donald is,

it's just, it never stops. It's like a party. There are no breaks. There are no breaks. We are 24, 7, Raleigh. And you can't, there was no answer to that. Like there was no place. Like the Donald was like a secret club that you can get ejected from. How old is the Donald? It should be over 14 months by now. I joined, really, I think I joined back in December of 2015

Right around it really wasn't even the most prominent Donald Trump subreddit at the point no, I was around when there was that huge mod split and Mr. with mr. Trump. Yeah, that's yeah, that's that was a way later that happened in May of 2016 That was a weird time. Civil war. Civil war. It was outside had guns. There was no place to, there was no secret club on the other side. Like it was ubiquitous.

The messaging on the other side was like just kind of this malaise and this fog that you had all day. And then you would get on your computer machine and log in to the Donald. And it would feel like a secret, it would feel like a weird little secret society that you could enjoy. Like, and you could send, you could send everyone there. And there was always like,

there was always something new happening. There was always like a catalog of what's going on. I don't know. It was amazing. You guys did it for everybody knows what side I'm on, but like even just on the table. Everybody of everybody knows what's on on, but from either side of the run, you guys did an amazing job of keeping it going. Oh, thank you. I got to know what's going on. I don't think anyone could match our energy or our devotion to the God Emperor. I want to know what's on that table. Yeah, what's going on on that table?

I confer with an angel from time to time. No, yeah, that's... I've written a lot about Donald Trump being the second coming of Christ. The angel actually explained to me about how the purpose for Christ to return is actually to protect Israel from the onslaught of the other Middle East nations. And when Trump said that he was going to stand with Israel, that was the proof that we needed. You look at Donald Trump, you look at his life, He had he sacrificed everything much like Christ. Yeah, he did it

He did it to save those who are most unworthy like a stereos or Ken M These big cuck so you know would be happy in a socialist hellhole like Venezuela eating rats I mean, I don't know what a stereos eats from day to day. I probably a rat is it would be an improvement for him, but I mean you got, you got me, you got me a bit worked up with having Ken M. You really made me lose my train of thought. I'm going to go away. You said, you've written about Trump as a Christ like figure. Absolutely. Where can I look at? I choose. Well, you can read my post at War of the Fanboys. That's my username on Reddit. I'm a mod there. You can see

in the model list. I've got a lot of seniority. I'm on the top of the list. And then I'm actually, I'm writing a novel about Donald Trump. Okay. And this is what I'm considering it is, I call it a post-mogospeculation. And my theory is that all science fiction right now is totally irrelevant. If you go back and read some sci-fi from the 50s, you know, some of it stands at the test of time.

Yeah, it's a joke though. It's like, it's all based on analog. No one's using computers, something for the 70s. Nobody has cell phones because he's writers, despite how visionary they were, they know and could predict how computers or cell phones would change society in every aspect.

And in that same vein, I purport that no one has ever imagined or could have predicted that Donald Trump would rise to his presidency, except for those like me and the others who run the Donald. And this is just a novel. So wait, what's your, yeah, what's your novel? What is different about your sci-fi as compared to like other cut-cuts? It takes such a huge account. Donald Trump making America great again.

This is, this is actually about Trump. He is a, this is 400 years in the future and he is a private citizen again at least for part of the novel and he is colonizing a distant planets, okay, and of course, you know, he has to he has to defeat the illegal aliens that come around start trying to start trying to start Yeah, you can't you can't build a wall in space, Dick. Or can you call the Dyson Sphere.

We'll have to find out. This is a real book that you've written. This is a real novel. You know, Randy is here. Randy, do you want to option this for a screenplay? I would love to sell the movie rights to this novel. Randy, you want to talk to Laura the fanboys about maybe shopping this idea around it sounds pretty

look you got you liberal how he would randy you're not addressing the needs of guys like me on the donald i want to see a movie i want to see a fucking movie about donald trump in four hundred years protecting mega earth from illegal space aliens that's all the the planet is called a new log. Okay. New log.

No, he, he, he visits it with his, uh, his spaceship, the golden venture, which is the, quite possibly the most beautiful spaceship in the history of space flight. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh, would you describe, is there any there any, is there any Zaffod people, rocks going into the character, your character of Donald Trump? Or?

No, absolutely. Donald Trump really, his influence is, is rather minimal in the book itself. It mostly follows the, the corporation Trump television in their, their effort to make this reality show of this, this colonization of this planet because no, no, no, no. The Junior's thing, Trump TV, is that Donnie Jr.'s doing to start that?

Um, yes, yes. And no other countries ever did it right. They bankrupt whole nations colonizing planets and Trump, you know, when he does something he goes into win, he goes in big, and but he does give a speech at one point in response to the destruction of New India by these aliens. And I've watched probably hundreds of hours of Donald Trump speeches and I've practiced the speech in front of the mirror. Yeah. And it all of a sudden that I think I said you a small snippet of it. And when you read this, you will know that Donald Trump is going to take control. He's going to defeat these aliens.

Okay. He's going to make the galaxy safe again. Yeah. China planet space pirates. They're going to stop ripping us off in intergalactic trade. Mm-hmm. Is there a space China like the Borg? China planet.

Is it China planet? Yeah, China planet. Okay. Well, I think the official name is the independent planet for Chinese freedoms, but they're China planet to everyone else. It's a cargo. Okay, so is there like, is there like a, who's the bad guy in your Trump space fiction? Was there a clinton figure? There is not.

The bad guy is really the legal aliens. And I actually, who's the Carlos Slim? Who's the space Carlos Slim? That that that was that was the George Soros. Who's the space George Soros using like the force? That would be a Mike Werner who manipulates the the colonist to produce the best TV show he possibly can. You could sort of see him as a bad guy because he has no no emotion or remorse for what he does to people. Okay, so he's so kind of a bad guy, kind of kind of also the perfect person, the perfect producer for a television show. What is the name of this book and where can I buy it? The book is called a new possibilities, a post maga speculation.

It's still being written. I've got about 95,000 words. I mean, the last home stretch here, but you can visit postdemaga.com. You can follow me on Twitter at Trump sci-fi. Okay. Trump sci-fi on Twitter. And the novel will be available on... Postmaga. ...on Amazon. Postmaga.com. Wow.

We've shan we have a lot of reading to do. Indeed. You have to get Surnavitch to read to write an intro for this book or to read it or something. You have to get Surnavitch to read the audio version of this book. I want that. The bad guy was originally his name is Mike and he was originally based on Mike's Cernovich, but I had to change the name a little bit because he sort of became so sadistic that I didn't want to drag Cernovich's name through the month. That's nice of you.

If you can't get Cernovich to read the audio book version of it, get Asterios to do his Cernovich impression to read the audio book version of your book. No, Asterios can go fuck himself. Hey, yeah, but he voted for Trump. A stereo's voted for Trump. Yeah, I don't get the fuck. All right. He's a cock at heart.

Thank you for calling in. Whoever's on the table can get down now, I guess. Hey, thanks for, thanks for inviting me to do the, um, the AMA. Thanks for coming. I hope you had fun. I know the set of beads enjoyed it. No, it was fucking great. I read a lot of those AMAs.

I like that. I tried to put some humor in it, you know, because the ride always gets a lot of shit for just not being funny. And it's like, it's dehumanizing. Yeah, you know, every, it's just like, we're different things are funny does. And we don't always need attention all the time. So different things are funny to us. We don't always need attention all the time.

Different things are funny to us. It was awesome for me because, well, the whole election cycle is kind of went synonymously with this show and being a pariah from LA, me personally being a pariah from LA. And yeah, it's true. Yeah. And even on an activist level, my life coach and I would do these, uh, these open carry events where gradually they, they shaped the gun law in LA in Los Angeles County, San Diego County.

Uh, we got our right to open carry taken away, big lawsuit. It's going all the way up to the Supreme Court. Now, Gorsuch Trump's first appointment is going to see is going to, is might, maybe one of the first cases they take in the new Supreme Court is going to be the ruling in San Diego that stopped coach and I from doing our open carrying things open carry things, which might make all, which might make all of America. Um, shallow. Yeah, which might make all of America's shallow issue states, which means you just have to say,

I'm gonna conceal Kerry in the cops have to say, yeah, we can't stop you. So it's like conceal. Like, conceal Kerry or open Kerry? Conceal. Cause they have to let you do one. They have to let you bear the arms. And what Coach and I were doing was we can't conceal it,

so we're gonna bear it openly. Like, you can't stop both. But then we would do it so much. We would go to all these open carry things, coach and I, and like people are getting so agitated by it that they shut it down. And that's what the lawsuit was. Like you can't shut down both.

You can't say, you can't deny our CCW permits and not let us conceal carry and also not let us open carry because then we're not bearing our arms. That's it. Yeah. So it's gotten, it went all the way to whatever the California Supreme Court, the L.A. sheriff said, no, California Supreme Court knows.

So now because of fucking truck, like if Clinton got elected, that'd be the end of rights bear arms. No longer would coach, but it's like every single step of the way, like we have feel, like we felt like we're a part of the fucking process. And it's weird. It's weird to feel. Because you rarely feel like you're part of the process in America. I rarely feel good. I rarely feel like I had a change in anything.

And this one time, like I have my rational minds trying to talk me out of it, but I say, no, we fucking do it. We got our, we got our bear arms. God damn it. All right. Anyway, thanks for calling in, man, and thanks a lot for the invite. Yeah, thank you. Good luck. You're up against a lot of money. Some very powerful forces. We've got the high energy. We do. Have a good one.

See ya. All right, um, let's see. I had another Trump related story where this guy pulled a knife on On wheat my friend the paparazzi queen at a bar last night But I'll tell it next episode this is really long. Yeah, let me explain. I'm gonna play some tunes. Yeah, like some tunes on that of here Guys, thanks for listening And thanks for coming everybody who came to road rage thanks a lot. Yeah, that was a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to the next one. Yeah, I think we're gonna do Chicago. That'd be great.

I want to do Texas. I had planned on doing Austin next, but it's just too goddamn hot. So I think maybe in a couple months, maybe two and a half months, we're gonna look at the venue situation. This is podcast sound like everyone's about to burp all the time.

Is that the time, the time of our voices anyway? Well, I'm, it was a great show. Thanks to everybody who drove a long way, flew a long way. It was fucking great. The live stream might not seem like it, but a lot of work went into that show. And I thought it all paid off. Like it was, it was fun to sell.

It was weird. Yeah, it I thought it all paid off. Like it was fun as well. It was weird. Yeah, it was so weird. It was so weird. It was so weird and it was also exactly like what I expected. Yeah. We talked about all the interruptions, all that. I know that pissed some people off, but I never thought it would be a regular episode. No.

And we didn't know what to think, but we do know what to think for next time. Sure. We just got to get those guys with glow on's like in demolition, man, walking up and down the aisle to taste people and they start shouting stuff out. Anyway, you've been listening to the Dix show. Go to patreon.com slash the Dix show for the full three camera, the full three camera edit, the professional edit of the show. What is that coming up? I hope Monday. I hope it's already out in this area, but I don't know. Patreon.com slash the Dix show to check that out.

Go to dick.show, thedix show.com. To listen to more of this, thanks to Ken M, thanks to the word fanboys. Randy, how you doing? You got any zingers? You want to drop in over here? No? Okay.

Thanks for listening, see you next Tuesday. This outro is from Alex Walker Smith to Jazz Band remix. Pretty ride symbol. It's a good sound and symbol. It's a good sounding. Everything. As a good sounding, everything up. Shit, this is my favorite. Yeah, it's good. Alex Walker, Smith, man. You believe this?

It's great. I know. It's great. Oh yeah! That's a different, that's the language of jazz when you talk into a woman in the jazz bar like this you just give them a look. Look, right here, everybody's in a good mood. That was great. That was great. Let me play some voice mails.

For I dig, this is Dr. Oli, from the Joshua Tree. And this is how I talk. Just wanted to check in about that special island here. I've been seeing her here for a couple of days and I'm starting to get pretty hungry out here. That's all thinking about those beautiful women you had with you. Yeah, good on you. That feisty red-headed beautiful women you had with you. Good on you. That fight fee red-headed seal, I with the B10s, might seem like she had a couple of arms trips with her.

Oh my God. And don't even get me started on that spicy number yet or at the round you're out. I got to deal with this all night. It's just right out of an 80s movie. I'll tell you, I may have been sleeping in a trailer that night, but I was fishing a tent all weekend. Anyway, just wanted to give you a call.

Good eye, Dick. Now, fuck yourself. Hey, Dick, I work as an EMT in a shitty part of town, and were in this car wreck last night. Basically like you walk up to the car and you can just smell the PCP on this guy but he's passed out, face down on the steering wheel and there's like fucking bubble-ish is chewing gum all over his face. And now anyway he comes to in the ambulance We asked him what happened he said he was blowing a bubble and it got to the point to where he couldn't see So I guess he just decided to keep blowing the bubble until he wrecked his fucking car But I guess that's the shit that makes me rage

blowing a blowing a bubble Yeah, this was blowing a what happened in here well officer I guess that's the shit that makes me rage. Blowing a bubble. Yeah. This was blowing a, what happened in here? Well, officer, I was blowing bubble with my bubble gum and I blocked my vision and that's why I wrecked my car. It's like an advertisement for bubble ischess. It's an advertisement for condoms, for vasectomies,

for enforced government vasectomies. That's what it's an advertisement for. You're right, of course. Yeah. Hey, Dick. I'm the guy that got kicked out of the live show, forgetting to drunk. I just wanted to personally apologize to you and the fans how much of a drunk asshole I was. I don't ever apologize to you. I mean, I'm too hard, but while we were waiting in line to get in, my friend pulls out some Jack Dan knows and he's like, dude, I don't think we can take it in.

So we told it and things got out of hand from there. So I'm really sorry I was a drunk asshole at the show. I hope you guys can forgive me. Yeah. See you. Bye. I don't think we can sneak all this liquor in Sean. We better drink it all right now.

Or else it's gonna go to waste It's the only choice. Yeah, it's the only choice. Yeah, don't ever apologize for being apologized to women for being too drunk Don't ever apologize to me for being too drunk My girlfriend told me I should would only go to the silly road rage If I did a shot every time someone asked for that for that if she was But it's a bit of a shot every time someone asks for that or for shoes. And it's a fortune if they're fucking diverging or to stick things big back. There's two drunks who drive back to the hotel. So they go for a day and do my car parallel parking. That's good for the hotel road.

They won't be charged after you ask for that no doubt. And then I just went off on this briefing. I did not have a change of pants. So now I have to drive back four hours to home. Really, no wonder where in the Parasite, real fun, you know, the parents, you get to knock back a fucking stare, parents, and then I have to go to work. How you going to fuck any guy? A drive home.

What a show. That guy's going to be a cross-dresser by the time it gets home. Yeah. Because he'll have been sitting in a woman's yoga pants for so many hours that he'll be used to be a- Soaking up an estrogen. Let's see here. Hey, this was Nelson for John. I'm the guy that was there with the brunette peach.

And John, you see him a little incredulous when I told you how much of a super fan she was. So I have a follow-up story. So it's the day after the road rage. We're sitting in my bed, we're laying in my bed, we're looking at our pictures from the night before. You know, I go through the leading, the ones that I look like I'm sneezing,

the middle of sneezing. We're talking about the show, how we look in the pictures and everything. She gets to a picture and she shows it to me. She shows it to me. She says, me and Sean look like we make a I'm sure you're not cocked Sean. No, but seriously, you guys, Ro Rage was great. I remember him for the next one. So you guys, either when you're back in Philly or when you're up in New York

or anywhere I can make him. All right, guys. You remember him? You can. You can. Six, go fuck yourself. Did she look like a brunette peach? Um, I don't know if she looks like a Brunette peach.

I think we know what that means. I want to see that picture. Yeah, me too. No, I want to, no, I don't remember that. I'll follow on the board on this one, Sean. I'd like to see that picture where the Brunette peach and Sean look like such a great couple. I'd really love to see it.

Brandy, that's what I do. Sure, it's out there. If anybody, I'd, I'd really love to see it. I'll just say it what I do. Sure it's out there. If anybody, I'd really love to see it. I'll just say it. Anybody wants something a little bit, I'd love it. I'll write on that sword every time, man. If I get the tiniest, tiniest idea, I think Sean should ride in the taxi with the Brunei Peef.

That's me just in the back saying it, I think, you know, when you're all milling around seeing where everybody's gonna sit at dinner and there's that awkward thing where someone's trying, you know what somebody's trying to do, but it's awkward if you try to just sit yourself down by that hot girl, you look like a fucking asshole. You look eager and it makes you nervous, right? I'll just walk up, hey, I'm sitting here.

I'd love it if you two just sat right there. That's what I need. I need you it if you two just sat right there. That's what I need. I need you to sit right, no explanation at all, because I want to talk to both of you about an exciting business opportunity. Sit right down, it doesn't matter. Any because you want, it doesn't matter.

I'd love to see that picture, that's all I'm saying. Hey, yet, I just finished watching the live show and I have to say that I absolutely love the the quality and the lighting quality that you had set up there. Thanks. Thank you. That's a good reference. I dug out my parents, my nose, Casio, video recorder, and it still had a VHS in it.

And I just sent it to your PO box. Maybe you know, I'm just thinking you're gonna increase in quality for the next live show. So let me know how it works. Bye. Yeah. You kept it together all the way till the end. You could feel it coming out, not that rage,

not gonna the back of your teeth. There were some real gems from that show. I can't remember them though, because it was like a blur. Yeah. Between the bum rush of Sean's gems. What do you mean, like a conversation-wise bum rush of Sean's gems. What do you mean like a conversation wise? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think so. All right, last one. Hey, Dick, I've got to reach through you. So today my rage is, well, people fucking piss you. So give you a bit of an act. So I'm not thinking like a grade 10, I was part of the fitness class. And what we had to do was do running, but we eventually had to lead up to technically our exam, was do a 10k run. I think you see that fucking dumb nature, who saw that, oh, everybody

should win. Oh,'t have a great time. And so her rules were, you always had to hide five zones. And after they like, laughed you. So I said, oh, yeah, you're doing a good job. Like you're a full piece of shit or anything like that. Now you're just taking your zone side, you know? And also, the everyone had the clap no matter what place it came in, right when you came into the spot. So

Being me the hot foot low pieces of shit that I am I always came watch by be like 20 minutes and they always stood there just fucking clapping for me and It pissed me out so much. I would rather they just fucking insult me to my face I'm just low pieces, loser, with no friends. But no, they just fucking caught you. Oh, yeah, you do a good job. You do a good job.

You can do any better. It's okay, you a good job. Just fucking pisses me off. Yeah, yeah. I get it. This poor fucking guy doing something completely worthless. Yeah, it was the guy who got the party, the fat guy who got fat shamed, who got the party

thrown by him by all those chicks. Yeah, but at least that's a party. Like, but it's like he did what, you know, guy didn't probably want that. Oh, who wouldn't want that? You got chicks all over you. Probably that guy. Like, how please? I mean, he was, this is a kid being forced into like a forced labor run that is in no way contributes

to his physical health. Like the idea that a fat kid's going to suddenly get any skinnier or more healthy by making him run once a month in PE class is stupid, right? There's no point in having either at home, you're eating healthy and exercising, or you're not. And if you're not, you thank God medical medical insurance exists for diabetic people. Well, that kind of infrequent exercise really is probably more harmful. Is detrimental to health.

Yeah. Yeah. It raises your irregular, but like intense workouts, like greatly increases your heart attack, risk, all that kind of stuff. It's not good for you. So there's not good for who's there for babysitting because there's none of these people are getting fit on her watch. No, right? You're either in 10th grade and you're this poor guy or you're not. She's forcing him to do the forced labor of the run that is only humiliating.

There's no and then making everyone stand around clapping as he does, as he does, as he's so fantastic, as he subjects himself to torture. Yeah. Uh, this is what we're doing at kids. I know. And they got to just sit there and suck it every day. There's poor fucking guy. And his mind is not old enough to express why he knows this is stupid. And the people like us who know why it's stupid, we're so busy getting fucked in so many other ways that we can't just show up at that guys at this poor kid school. Take his PE teacher side and say, if you do that, if you do it again, I'm going to come back and

just really nail you. There's no stopping it. There's no stopping it. No one is, there's no help. Now we're two, like you said said the people who know we're too preoccupied getting fucked by life in other ways. Yeah, yeah There's nothing we can do for this poor kid Yep Taxation and stuff. You know my dad did on tax day my dad on Facebook is a monster All I see I log in once on tax day and it's some congressman's like appeal to like something about America and how great America is. And I just see my dad one comment on Facebook.

First one taxation is theft period to this congressman's Facebook. So all right, you thanks, dad. See you next Tuesday. See you next Tuesday.