The Dick Show - Episode 470 - Dick on Boris Fatenov

Episode Date: August 4, 2025

A ruined day off, a crackhead at the hospital, Lena Dunham stuns in not enough, a fat woman goes spelunking, the consequences of a low-IQ Internet, a muslim prayer group talks toilet paper, Asmongold and Gamer Gate 2.0, fame that is just out of reach, a fat woman falls out of a canoe, the ISOM action figure, Happy Gilmore 2, a new pick-up artist technique, women's many encounters with ghosts, and the king of crashouts has risen; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

I Mean I can't think about anything else Let's see does this work Yeah, yeah that works. Oh, yeah, it works. That's working. I got a ease I got to ease in on the volume though. There's good days and bad days You know all you ever want in life is more good days than bad days Yeah, I wanted more. That was my problem. I wanted more than that and it skunked me fucking skunked me over uh

My favorite part Let me make sure this is... Other than that, Mrs. Kennedy, how was the parade? My favorite part was when Vito accused me of faking hyperaccuses to stay away from him. Which he did right when I first told him. Hey, I have a real severe ear problem. I can't do studio stuff. I don't know if I'm going gonna be able to record podcasts anymore. Like it's a real huge deal."

And he goes, are you sure anything else isn't going on? Cause you can talk to me about that. I'm like, listen, you fat fuck. I don't give a fuck enough to argue, to lie to you about you. My life is irrevocably fucked. Don't, well, I just want to know

if I'm going to Boston Road. And that's it. That's it. That's it! Yeah! I didn't even see you half the time in Boston because you were trying to rest your ears. I was fucking- Mm-hmm. Fucking hamstering out in that room.

Ugh. Every day. What the hell was that? Was that knocking? Sounds like knocking. It sounded like knocking, didn't it? Fuuuck! Who's about to get shot?

Is somebody about to get shot at my front door? Nobody's there. Hopefully that was my wife just knocking for fun. Uhhhh. As one does, you know. Every day, I wake up thinking, why did I drink so much last night? And you know what, Johnny, every day my wife says, you didn't drink anything last night.

And I say, oh, no, there's a couple, there's a couple seconds where I forget what's going on in my life. And I just wrote memor memorization takes over, muscle memory takes over. And my first thought is, oh, I feel like shit. I feel like dog shit. I feel like every ounce of blood has been wrung out of my body and some kind of poison.

And then my body was left on the streets of India and it's soaked in a bunch of toxic poisons. And then it was left out in the sun. So all that grease and grime baked into it. And that's where it is. And I wake up like SpongeBob. And then I say, God, I must have drank so much. And she says, you didn't have anything to drink yesterday.

And then I hear EEEEH! EEEEH! No, and I start lactating Dude you were- Sympathy lactating cuz I'm so fat also. I have newborn pictures my wife schedules a newborn photo Appointment right I think great get some cute fucking pictures of this little fucker Get some cute pictures of this little fucker and a catcher's mitt or something bring an old Bring an old catcher's mitt with you to put the photog put them in a wheelbarrow man bring a subway sandwich

wrapper wrap him up in a little footlong Put him put his ass in a wheelbarrow. Get him in a Home Depot bucket. Yeah, fun. Take some pics, you know? Make it a, put him in an NFT. Take a picture. Put a bunch of Pokemon cards around him. Take a picture of that shit.

Own your son, man. Yeah. And then she goes, here's what I'm wearing if you want to find something. Yesterday, she goes, here's what I'm wearing if you want to find something that matches this. I said, first of all, what? No, I don't want to find something that... Yesterday she goes, here's what I'm wearing if you want to find something that matches this. I said, first of all, ha ha ha ha, what?

No, I don't wanna do that. Secondly, I don't know, I was gonna have to be in the newborn picture. I need six months to fix this. I look like fucking shit. I look like a croissant thing that just popped. Popped the croissant, the biscuits, the dough biscuits thing. The tube of dough bis- biscuits.

Dough. And you pop it, and it's spilling out- That's in the car too long, yeah. Ugh. I can't take a newborn pictures tomorrow, I look like shit. That's her, uh, ref- I look hungover as fuck. And I'm not. That's the worst part. Yeah, that's pretty uh, retribution. I look hungover as fuck! And I'm not! That's the worst part! Yeah, that's pretty rough, man. Yay, the king of crash-outs, he has risen.

Well, you almost got sucked dry by an energy vampire live on stream, man. I swear to fucking god. You look a little extra gray in the face today. You can see my beard turning gray during that hour long argument with Vito. Yeah. Well, with the alpha and the omega, you see. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You are the Alpha, I am the Omega, and yay, the Holy Spirit of Sonichu is with us. Go on to thee. Go on to thee.

Zap into the extreme. Go on to thee and zap to the extreme and call your friends' wives. Bother them. Into the extreme as well. Never take no for an answer, I say on to thee. God damn it. God bless it That was your favorite night hit Vito with that Titanic song. That was great. That was great. Yeah

I think ammo hit him with the Titanic song I don't think I've ever seen anyone miss a point harder when he said well I didn't mean to imply that it was just me. That was the talent The talent the talent fuck me that was the talent. The talent. The talent. Get the fuck out of here. The talent. Again, you said it best, man.

This is the easiest job in the world. Show up, get on the bike. I really want to hear more whining about how hard it is to find motivation for making thousands of dollars a month for showing up and bullshitting for free. To live your life for a week and then come complain about it. Yeah. Hey, guess what? My dad ate dog treats.

That's the talent. My dad showed up to help. My mom and dad showed up to help me with the baby, help us with the baby. Here's the talent for you. Here's the fucking, This is the Omega! My parents showed up to help us with the baby. And I go up there and my dad had some kind of

fucking Ramstein concert on...Ramstein in concert on TV he found somehow, I don't know. He hooked up to a pirate server and fucking Kraft work server. Yeah Archives I'm like, what are you watching his Ramstein in concert cranked it up to a hundred of all things for him to be into I said, that's cool. You just get into Ramstein. He said yeah, right when your son was born I got really into Ramstein school just loudest shit possible And I see him eating out of a, I gotta find you this bag.

I see him eating, holding a bag. Eating something out of it. I'm like, what are you doing? Those are dog treats that you're eating. And he goes, what? I thought something was wrong with them. Why the hell does it look like a human treat then? And I said, it doesn't look like a fucking human treat. It's a dog treat. And he goes, oh yeah?

Look at this! And he shows it to me, and it's a fucking peanut man, and they're called like crunchy-os or something. Oh, and it's got like a peanut man, and it's got like a see-through, and it smells like peanut butter, and I'll say, you know what, Dad? That fucking does look like human food But it ain't it's dog food Well fuck this I don't Why did you leave these out where some? Some

Geriatric could find them and unwittingly eat them not shit for a month God he's gonna be shitting in law and fibrous logs now little Oh's oh man that is what's the deal with that why do you so dogs are colorblind right yeah why the fuck do we make them all these brightly colored toys and all this other shit for women I guess I guess what I'm saying is like it's not, they eat. It's not for them. Little pellets out of a bowl.

They eat shit. They eat, they actually eat shit. No, they eat excrement. It's a delicacy. Creamy crab burger. Let me get some of that rabbit shit. Yeah. That's the best.

But then it's like, we're like, oh, you know, let's make bacon strip treats. Let's make all these things that look like our food so that we feel better giving it to them. That's pisses me. Well, my dad does not he's not from that world Right, so that makes it even fun. I really blindsided him Find a bag of trees. Well, it's always no this must be for me. Yeah, no one ever stops at one, too Yeah, I thought something was wrong, but I kept pressing forward cuz you're like well, I must have to learn to like this Yeah, well like clearly there's a market for it if you know they're such clever packaging. Yeah

Boy do we have a fun bonus episode this week planned for you? Oh first of all I've got a number of housekeeping things There's a bonus episode up housekeeping things you say housekeeping to take care of there's a bonus episode up. Housekeeping things you say? Housekeeping to take care of. There's a bonus episode up. Maybe the funniest ever. People are saying the funniest episode ever. Go check it out at Patreon.com slash The Dick Show. We've got a bonus episode coming up wherein I found a video of Maddox and Mike Gams having a comedy roasting battle with each other. I guess it was. Oh man. Maddox and Mike Gams having a comedy roasting battle with each other.

I guess it was. Oh man. And they chose to record this and upload it for me, I guess, early birthday present, I don't know. Man. I'm looking forward to that. How gracious of them. We all know the best Maddox's strengths

are improvised comedy and having a thick skin about being roasted. And being able to control his facial microaggressions. So this should be ab- this- the man with no tells, they call him. Yes. The man with no tells. So this should be a lot of fun. Hit him with a, oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Huh. Uh. Hit him with a, oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Huh, uh. And then this week, for the first time ever, is a Fat Watch Mega Panel. A little Weight Watchers edition. The Weight Watchers. The Heavy Weight Watchers.

The Heavy Weight Watchers. It's you, me, Vinny, maybe Carl, and I think Taylor from PKA is gonna call in. It's gonna be great, man. That guy doesn't even have his own Patreon. He said, well, I can't put it on the PKA Patreon. I said, why not? Why not?

Just do it. You're the star. Just do whatever you want. You're the talent. Do you tell Woody and Kyle, just ram it up their ass. Remind them that you're the talent. Remind them every day. But remind them that they're also the talent too, you know.

Wouldn't want to exclude anyone. Did you enjoy that crash out comedy show? Tapeeto hour? Man, he had some bars in there, some real quotables I must say. You got any favorites? Well, I mean, aside from the ones we just mentioned. Yeah, the Alpha and the Omega, that was a good one.

That's so... I was fucking, he has incredible comedic timing. He waited until I finished beer number three and then accused me of lying about my medical condition. I said, that's like pretty much the, that's the perfect time to say something that is just guaranteed to be infuriating. Beer three is strike zone.

Mm-hmm. Bing. I heard the NBA jam. You're, he's heating up. He's on fire. And then he said, so you're lying about that, right? Oh man All right, it's gonna be an hour press. Yeah, full court be a long night. I see. Okay, man That was a long night. It made my drive home great though. You're welcome. Oh man that was

Man, I'm a legit danger on the road now. Let me tell you Yeah, I almost wiped out this kid on a knee bike. They're riding-bikes in the bicycle lane. Yeah, what the fuck is that? I don't even I don't understand why that's allowed They're like you can't ride them. You can't ride a fucking Harley in the bicycle lane. They're the same They're going 40 miles and they're going at normal traffic speeds In the like usually bicycle in the bikes lane you see you go way faster than them So you see them you can adjust to them. Hey, you don't look like speed I was

Going to pick up dinner or something. I Looked at yeah, I was just driving normally except sleep deprived. Mm-hmm, and I do this thing I see this e-bike like swerve wildly Get all pissed off. I was like, oh, sorry. But I was really secretly thinking in my head, fuck you. Who gives a fuck? You're in a silent fucking thing going 60 miles an hour.

Get fucked. Yeah, you have a death wish. Yeah. That's crazy. And you're wearing a bicycle helmet. He was wearing a bicycle helmet. Well, like, okay, that's really gonna fucking help you. And then I thought, what if it was my son

that almost got hit by a guy who's sleep deprived, driving his wife's SUV to the taco store? And then I thought, I gotta do whatever I can to stop my son from riding an e-bicycle. Yes. I need to start now. It's too late, actually. No, you've, that hatred, I think you've kind of like, It's too late, actually.

That hatred, I think you've kind of like passed that along. Yeah. He's going to rebel and get on an e-bicycle just to... Have one in the garage. Show them, Mike. It's all mangled up. Yeah. Like those drunk driving things that they take around to high school. Just have a permanent one in the garage.

Just to have a picture of Sean. This was your brother. Best friend, yeah. You had an older brother who died in an e-bicycle accident. And then this, you had two older brothers. This one, all of his video game horde fell on him. We keep this as a memorial, so don't do either of those things. I will say, though, the road around your place,

I thought it would have been on the mountain, not just out in the street. I had a good incident up the mountain on the drive up today. So you know how there's a couple blind corners? Well, you know there's that one corner where that, I would say where the fat Mexican lady lives, but it's where the- We have a touring group of them. Yes, so it's where the fatter- a touring group of them. Yes. So it's where the fatter-

Let me tell you something. I don't know how this works. There's two fat Mexican ladies in my neighborhood. They're always walking. They're always walking and they never lose any weight. What are they- I don't know what they're doing. You know what it is? It's like some men in black shit.

There's two little aliens inside. Each of them and they're piloting these. It must be! Every time I see them. Little men. They're the exact same thing. I want to find out like, I want to put a trail cam or something and record them every day. Sniffing face like, you know, the little guy in there. Yeah, maybe I could trick them or something and put some snacks out So the little guy in their heads will come out. Oh, yeah, you know put some jewels out What did the guy in men in black like diamonds something like that? I put some jewels out with water I'll put a hummingbird feeder out with a trait with a trail camera So when the fat Mexican ladies come to their device will open and the little man will come out of their heads fatly Mexican ladies come to their device will open and the little man will come out of their heads Yeah, and eat the hummingbird stuff. It's gotta be cuz I see him all the time. They have not lost a fucking ounce. They look bigger

I'm like what is at the top of this mountain? Are they just drinking? A tortilla factory. A bacon grease fountain But so I'm driving up and the fatter the two ladies Uh-huh, so you had an encounter with them not them but one who lives around here or something cuz yeah You've had or one of them was parking. They all look the same. Yeah, they do So she gets out of her car. I for the first time I saw him was like wow that guy has a van that he puts In another van. Oh shit. It's a that's a fat woman My mistake. Yeah, not a transport view. Yeah, I thought that was a van getting out of a bigger van Yeah, my mistake one of those the truck the tow trucks that carry other tow trucks. Yeah, Optimus Prime Yes, he had that little guy in him

so heard Her car is slanted down the hill Yeah, she opens her door and one of those like, you know those like sealed boba drinks how it's like a plastic cup when they Seal the top sure yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, it falls over. Oh Right as I'm coming around the corner, and I run it over and blow the whole thing up And I just punch it and go out hauling ass up the hill I was like fuck you bitch fuck your boba yeah fuck your boba

boba man oh I was like I gotta show you bitch oh man perfect perfect timing so I knew I knew there would always be cause a boba is a big ass like you gotta go

park in a shitty parking lot with asian drivers you gotta go fuck around with the boba is a big ask. Like you gotta go park in a shitty parking lot with Asian drivers. You gotta go fuck around with the boba people and they get a whole process. Yeah, you gotta deal with all the other fat Mexican women there. Not just you. You know, it's like a whole thing. Yeah. But man, it felt pretty good. Oh, that's, you gotta show me where that was.

It was towards the bottom of the hill. It's probably dry now. It's fucking hot outside. Oh, good, the bottom of the hill. It's probably dry now. It's fucking caught outside. Oh good, the bottom of the hill. Yeah. Fuck them. They're always causing problems. First couple of corners, but man. It'll be a little.

Right after the little library. Cross those little fucking libraries that the hipsters put on the side of the road. Man, what is that shit? My wife goes to those. I thought it would be funny to leave a copy of Better Better Than Women in there. Yeah, it would be. See who, copy of better better than women in there Yeah, it would be see who you know

See how fast that leaves. Oh Man, I thought I was gonna have a nice relaxing day yesterday I Had it all planned out This is before the veto shit. Oh Oh shit. So I already knew, I already knew that Saturday was gonna be fucking relaxing, right? It's Shabbos, man.

It's Shabbos. I don't work on Shabbos anymore. That don't fucking work. It's anti-Semitic. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of all the anti-Semitism. I'm turning on Nick Fuentes now. Now is the time that I choose to turn on

You some guy recognized me in in New York City. I was walking around. Yeah, I was doing this work stuff And he goes hey you Dick Masterson. I said yeah And he goes I don't watch your show. I said okay Thanks, thanks. He says I watch your show, but I know you cuz You supported Nick Fuentes I said oh cool and he goes you supported Nick Fuentes you had him on your show when it was politically dangerous when it was dangerous to do that a long time ago when it was dangerous to do that and I really I remember you and I really appreciate that I was like oh that's cool all right don't say that part about you don't watch my show though

that's let's do it again that's subject to like a beat down but you know I mean you did you watch that one so yeah I could put it on right now and you couldn't avoid it so it's not like you know it's not a condition it's not an ongoing condition that you need to literally watching me in the flesh right now you're watching me right now yeah that, that's the show. That's okay. So let's do it over. Let's do it again What is that? Why do people need to qualify everything? Just so you know, I'm not you know, I'm better than you think I am. I thought you were great

Yeah, all these guys writing in like I'm not gay. Well, they should do that Well, they oh they I was writing not to be gay or whatever exactly yeah, yeah, it's the wrong quality exactly. Yeah Do you see the isom action figure this pre exciting stuff man? I've been so busy this week I've just like I barely got caught up on Friday you barely got caught up on Friday. You barely got caught up on Friday. Yeah Here's the isom Wow look at this rip-a-verse isom action comic

How do I do this here we go Yeah play Here we go. Yeah, play. ["Primal Evil Theme"] He's a, it's a black guy. The doll, little action doll is a black guy taking a shit, I guess. Like an angry shit. Primeval. like an angry shit primeval awesome and he's got another head here I guess he's

got no accessories probably got no games he steals them yeah sorry to any games Look at that exciting this is Bro So you can talk to the hand it's got that move well, I noticed he had two ankle monitors on Does he come is it does that come off is it an accessory or is it permanently on the model part of the costume I think yeah, I think costume like soup. You can't get the costume off cuz it's got the ankle monitors Wow Wow 22 moving parts Six extra hands and a bay it's got blood hands, know for the oh yeah, I can throw out a blood Yeah, you can do get like LA hands you get me. Yeah, like that LA

Is that how it goes? LA yeah there you go LA and Then he's got a stop talk to the hand face hand. Oh Man what a piece of shit fucking I Yeah. Oh man, what a piece of shit. Fucking. I had a real relaxing day planned, and my parents' house, they could help watch the baby, and I'm like, I'm gonna get there, drop my wife and the baby off,

and I'm just gonna lawn dart into the pool, or anything, anything that's soft even the dog bed I'm gonna take a dive you know like that like I've been hit with a tranquilizer dart and we get up there Vito crashers out okay I don't care cuz I have the whole blade I have the whole day planned already. And then we get up there and say, hi, how's everybody doing? All right, here's my wife, here's the baby.

I'm gonna go crash out. And I swear to God, the minute I hit the couch, I get a text from my wife. We gotta go to the hospital for hospital stuff, you know. Baby, look, there's always a reason. You always gotta go to the doctor or the hospital for some reason with a baby because insides are moving around a lot.

And I don't know, they don't just get put together like back together like a Lego man mm-hmm so there's stuff bubbling over not you know stuff's going wrong okay yep we're up going to the hospital see the baby will be fine, my mom can watch it. We get about 10 minutes down the road and my mom sends a picture of the baby sleeping in a crib that we didn't know she had and like an outfit that we didn't come with.

Like where the fuck did he get these clothes? This is the same baby even? Same baby. Okay, he's fine. We're doing this hospital shit and this is the funniest part. We're sitting in the emergency room waiting for results and doctor, everything's fine. Don't worry about it.

It's just something that there's just a lot of hospital stuff that happens when you have a baby. And the doctor comes in, the doctors come by and they go, wow, and we hear him talking. And one doctor says to the other, yeah, he said he had a meth relapse, but I don't know, it must've been a lot of meth. And I'm thinking it.

And she turns to me and she goes, oh, wow, I can't, I wish we could see this guy or something like that. And then around the corner, a guy who looks like that oldest dog You know meme comes around the car They're leading him in you know looking like fresh out of Breaking Bad and Then for some reason

He sits down and then nurse walks over and she goes okay to my wife. She goes okay. Let me just confirm your data here What's your name, and what's your social security number? And my wife is like sitting, a fucking meth, a relapsed meth addict is sitting right there. And she goes, uh, she like looks up and goes, uh, and she leans over and like starts saying it all slow. And the black one goes, uh, what, what, what? Uh, sorry, what was that? Uh, I don't know, can I write it down or something? Yeah, what the fuck is that?

It's like, what kind of policy is this? Why do you guys need so much information every time? Can't get you social security number two. I don't know. Can you read it in front of the whole class? Can I just type it into the computer? And there was a And there was a They've got benches now just like we saw at the airport you remember they had the fat person bench at the airport Yes, dude. I was like, oh, that's nice It's like a bench for families and then I see this woman thundering in with bags of Chick-fil-a big Thunder Mountain I see big Thunder Mountain

Waddling into the emergency room. I'm like, you don't have an emergency. This is not an emergency. They run out of Chick-fil-A sauce or something. Yeah. Thundering over. And she lays like diagonally on the

family size bench. This is Like diagonally on the family-sized bench This is Come on. Yeah, somebody do something about this That's like Riverwood man spreading was like a that's a big fat spreading. Yeah, but it's like margarine spreading is fucking yeah Fat spreading is that a new. Yeah. Fat spreading. Is that a new, can that be a thing? Taking up too much goddamn room.

My dad had a problem for the show today. He says, why are there so many fat white women with BLM stuff at these protests? I, I, dad. Where's your dad been all these years, dude? Yeah, I'm like, how are you just- how are you just hearing about this? How did that work its way to you? It's like a-

BLM protest. It's like Kazakhstan finally getting like 70s and 80s music. Yeah! They're like, hey man, this Michael Jackson's gonna really go somewhere. It's like, yeah, there's all these fat white women with BLM stuff. And you know, other stuff too, but too But why like what's that about? Do you want what he kind of answer do you want for that? the real one yeah, I

Don't know man Yeah, so I didn't get to have a relaxing day My son did though well if you didn't get the laugh it off from your observation that's... Can I get you social security number? No? Yeah. Can you undo the tests? And why okay why is it... You got the blood.... asking that shit can't ever fucking hear you too so then you have to shout it yeah this is something is fucked here at this with this um yeah get this process um let's see they rolled out an

internet ID for the UK see that I saw something about that that's got to be coming here I'm sure it is. I don't think there's a way to avoid it at this point. Mm-hmm. Because... Because there's too many... The internet's too stupid. We let too many stupid people on it, and

we just can't have a system. I don't like internet ID. It's... It's it's um It's pointless because kids are just gonna kids are already using like Gary's mod To get you gotta see this video. They're already using gary's mod to get around it You know that that skibbity toilet shit where the guys are like, ah So to get to you to do the facial recognition thing, which is horrible Because the government's like just gonna fuck it up. They're vibe code it and release everybody's data. You know to the wind It also is just not gonna work let me find the let me find the ID thing that they're doing Gary's mod

Also props to Gary's mod for managing to be relevant through all these fucking years man Yeah, look. This is Gary's mod. This shit. The skippity-toilet guy. I don't know what it is, but I know what this face is that everybody's always posting. It's like a Valve asset sandbox, kinda. Oh, it is? Yeah.

Okay. So this is how the kids in the UK are already, it came out like two days ago, so they've already bested this fucking process. Here's how it gets you to verify yourself. This is great. It's just like I'm watching senators, I'm watching senators and congressmen and prime ministers and whatever giving these big speeches about protecting kids online

And then the first one's beating it. Yeah, there's and they're all they're all taking it really seriously And then you have these brainiacs on the side of freedom Trying to trying to piece together the ends of a rope that are 10 million They're light years apart with explaining to people that the cost of freedom is worth children accidentally stumbling on pornography which is Fucking retarded to that's your if that's your side of the argument just quit Okay, say anything else anything

Why oh I want I want freedom because I want to be able to be racist online, okay That's more palatable than the shit that you just said and then the kids Are ignoring that and doing this This you see this you see the system says making sure you're a real person open Open your mouth. And the fucking Garry's Mod thing has a click to make this retarded grin of skibbity toilet. Oh! Right?

Tilt your head up so they can easily control what the head is doing with their mouse and click it and make it go, oh, like this, an old guy. Slowly open your mouth AHAHAHAHAHA oh there you go, it's approved it's almost approved, closer to the camera stay still, estimating your age

insane because it's retarded. Yeah, the idea of it is Totally fucking retarded you're pitting your it's like women using technology To fight men like good luck with that bitch. First all we invented war secondly we invented technology well It's not gonna work. It's like that women using technology to fight technology like that brick app Yeah, it's like just keep your kids off the fucking computer. Oh, yeah, where you install Yeah, like oh you tap your phone to the thing and it shuts off all these apps for you Yeah, put it in it's called a drawer. Yeah, it's called yeah Put your fucking phone down.

Dude, I need a serial killer that kills women who nag me to get off my phone when I'm supposed to be sleeping or taking a rest. If there could be, if there could be, if you're gonna be serial killing anybody out there, listen to me. I'm talking to you. You know who you are. If you are a serial killer in the audience, and you... I can't stop you from serial killing. I don't think you should do it.

But, you know, you think you're getting smarter than you're gonna get away with it. Make sure the press knows that you killed the woman because she nagged you for being on your phone. When you're supposed to be sleeping. I get on my phone, you know, start reading stuff, whatever and then I doze off, drop the phone, wake up, do it again, doze off, drop the phone, wake up. I was at my fucking parents' house doing that. I get this enough at home, right?

I gotta hide, I gotta hide my fucking phone under the blanket. Like I'm looking at pornography, you know, but I'm looking at fucking React components. Like, oh yeah, I'm gonna try using that tomorrow. Looking at programming, looking at cryptocurrency. Oh, wow, look at that. And then I hear over my shoulder, you're supposed to be trying to go to sleep. Supposed to be doing a lot of fucking things. I'm at my parents' house.

I'm like, ah, good, my wife's, you know, feeding the baby in another room. I can safely lay in this couch and browse my phone and I hear my sister pops up like Oscar the Grouch. Hey, you're supposed to be, you're supposed to be trying to rest. Get off your phone! Who asked you? Who asked you? I don't want- I am resting. I'm existing in a state between sleep and awakeness that is being on the phone. Fucking relax. Stay- get the fuck away from- now I'm back in awake mode, okay? I was in the middle.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, the internet ID thing. So these senators and... It'll happen. It'll happen because... Everyone got on the internet and everyone is stupid. And it used to be... The internet used to be difficult to get on. I remember that. Where you could have forums and discussions. Bulletin boards.

And racism. Everything that high IQ people... And jokes. Everything that high IQ people, and jokes. Everything that high IQ people do. But now, it's for everybody. It's for stupid people. So, you can't have jokes because jokes scare stupid people. And you can't have racism because stupid people just can't exist in a world where you say obvious shit,

I guess. I wish the computer went back to just being like a black screen with green text. Terminal thing. Just terminals because it's like all this cute graphics and shit, just people are like, oh, I can use the computer too and it's like, no, you should, you have no reason. It all looks exactly the same now.

It's all just like a little circle blob. That's why I'd rather look, it all look exactly the same, but terrifying. Yeah. So people are like, I don't want to touch that magic box. Intimidating. And I'm kind of for it. I'm kind of for the digital ID thing, because I'm thinking, I'm trying to lean into

Nick Fuentes' accelerationist perspective on things. It's fine for kids to be accelerationists. Like they're like, you know, fuck Trump. He's not going far to be accelerationist like they're like you know fuck Trump He's not going far enough. I'm like I like the spirit, but you know I don't have that I don't have the same timeline you guys do right you know I only got about 30 years I don't have time to I'm not I don't have time to wait for the next Hitler like you guys do okay I got a limited amount of time you know if Hitler I think if Hitler came out today these guys would think he was Gay for going to art school. That's something else I thought because that guy, the guy who's making the white neighborhood.

Oh yeah. Do you remember him? Oh yeah wasn't he supposed to call in? He was supposed to call in but I guess he had church or something. It came out that he was also making pornography with his wife or something like that. Man. Come on guys. Can't have an art background.

Yeah, right? That's what they would say. They're all waiting for Hitler. They're like, oh, Hitler's, he's gay. Instead of doing art. I love the things where it's like it'll show Hitler's artwork. And it's like, if you can't paint like this, you're literally worse than Hitler.

His art sucks, though. The windows aren't the right size. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's obvious why he didn't get in. Bob Ross are duking it out in hell to see who can paint the worst house. And Bob Ross is disqualified if he puts any sort of landscape. Oh, yeah. It's buildings only. He has to paint New York. Yeah, he has to paint skylines. Oh no. Oh crooked. He can only leave hell if he paints New York

Bob Ross is burning in hell. He can only leave if he paints one building that is buildable So I guess him and every architect are down there too Yeah, and Hitler too. Make one with all the windows the correct size Yeah, that's only there because he's bad at art too, though Yeah, that's what they would say. That's what they we don't like this Hitler. He's Terrible that sucks We don't want it rubbing off on us

That's why I'm kind of pro the Internet ID I know well then I mean like I'll they'll use it against us But what what's left to use? Against us like it's clearly retarded. You see that they're breaking it with this stupid toy Well, that's what I was gonna say, but I was having gets here. They're either gonna have to ban Gary's mod yeah, any sort of like whether they have to ban blender and What's a unity and all the other shit to. Unreal Engine just cause you can use face assets. And that's great, yeah, ban it.

And then we'll have to make our own new thing. It's time. Unreal Engine 2. Yeah, it's time for a new internet that's harder to use so we can keep the retarded people. Elon's always announcing, we just connected Congo to the internet. I'm like, why the fuck would anyone want? We just connected, we just connected a sewer in

India to the internet and it turns out there was 60 billion people hiding in there like, ah great, I don't want to pee on it. I don't want to talk to any of them. I'm so glad AI is gonna be scraping all that data now too. Yeah, I don't want India shitting up any, I don't want them having easier access to contact me ever, at all, in any way. Why would this be good? Fucking ID their ass. Internet ID their ass, fuck this.

Feel like the invention of WhatsApp is probably the most evil thing that's happened in our lifetimes. Yeah. Oh man. I got a WhatsAppapp that was so It just has if you if you don't pay attention It's like a tamagotchi, you know you don't pay attention to a tamagotchi go back, and it's just like covered in shit mm-hmm It's like whatsapp you go back. You don't pay attention every day you go back to him. It's like there's 60 fucking

Crypto investment groups. I don't even know how to like not get added to these yeah I don't know how this happened, but I don't and I don't know which ones my friends were in right because they all look identical. It's all oh well I guess that apps ruined Shitting it up in the physical and the ones zero space Bullshit man. Yeah, it really is We connected India to the internet. Stop connecting. Why don't you make a new one first?

Let them figure out how to tap into the rest of it first. Let them figure it out. Yeah, make their own thing. How come we don't have like a VHS version and a beta version of the internet, you know? These two don't work together. Oh Great I know which one I'm going on see ya Mine doesn't use ones in years uses like ABCD in the pipes, you know, be dong be dong

Yeah, mine uses smoke signals and carrier pigeons. Yeah mine uses liquid They would do use the human blockchain over here? Everyone has to agree that we're all on the same page. Referral only. Let's see, what else do I have? Oh yeah, they shut down public broadcasting. I don't know why people are upset about that. Like how many videos about spelling do they need to make?

I think we got them covered and It's always the people who go like Can you believe they're shut it's like when was the last time any one of those who have watched PBS? Yeah, you were learning how to tie your shoes today Everyone becomes like this bleeding heart like but they're getting rid of I grew up watching this I'm like yeah But have you watched it? Yeah, you can still watch it. Just go download it Yeah, that's it. I mean, I don't even need I don't need to look to know that they're just pocketing the money Yeah, like the person in charge of it's probably making a 1.5 million dollar salary or something insane

Just like fucking charities. Everything else is a goddamn scam if it says public. It's not for public someone's Reason so underfunded is because some asshole's taking all the money. Yeah. And they're like, well, you can use all like the shitty stuff to like make money. Yeah. You know. How are the kids gonna learn?

Well, learn what? Shouldn't they be in school for that? Why are you trying to teach them through the TV? Why do you need all this crap all the time, guys? Okay, let's see. I've got some, I've got some fun H1B stories here. Do this is how you can oh yeah okay no this is a good one too and I paid for I paid for it and New York Times subscription now so I can actually Here is, this guy's name is Sanjeeep Jahur,

who says, death is not a simple biological fact. Okay, but it's also a complex social choice. We should expand the definition of death. It will actually save lives. So they're trying to, they're trying to make you dead sooner so they could steal your organs. I think is about how this works. Organ donors are too rare. We need a new definition of death.

I'm good guys. I'm really just, I'm okay with the way. You guys have been trying to redefine like men and women like a long time in my lifetime. So I'm actually good on the redefining death thing. They should harvest his organs right now. Yeah, let's get those organs first, buddy. Be the first one to do it.

Show us how much this matters to you, man. Be Neil, you're the man on the moon, pal.hmm let me give me that spleen give me one of those kidneys people die in many ways but in medicine there are only two reasons a person can be declared dead either the heart has stopped or the brain has ceased to function so is veto technically dead dude that guy has a I was just thinking man real obsession with death Maybe he's already dead, dude He should put on goth makeup Put on a goth wig like a raven would you let him back in the house if he talked like who is like?

Oh, they talk like this. You mean lower energy than what he already has? No. He could do a whole episode without even saying anything, I think. He's in fucking Discord for 24 hours talking about how, over and over, how it doesn't matter if I die tomorrow. Like, this is not the audience for that kind of talk. Because it doesn't matter if I die tomorrow like this is not the audience for that kind of talk Because it doesn't we had guys that we like die who didn't want to die die it sucks

We miss them Yeah Get out of here with that shit or the brain has ceased to function. Oh At what point in your concert nothing matters to function. Oh. At what point in your concerto... Nothing matters. ...does your brain cease to function.

A person may serve as an organ donor only after being declared dead. Yeah, that seems like a good system. Until then, transplant surgeons are not allowed even to interact with a dying patient. I mean, yeah, that's a great system. I've seen how you fuckers are chopping whatever you want off of whatever you want. You don't listen to shit You're shouting some social security numbers across the hospital in front of meth addicts Good good policy this common-sense rule underpins organ donation the United States and many other countries Most organ donors are obtained after brain death defined by most

Yeah, brain death is rare though. Okay. Well, that's too bad. I guess you don't get a new fucking Stay the fuck away from my organs, bro It's happening two out of two biggest problem co-hosts so far far more people die because their heart is permanently stopped beating Well, give me put a new machine in there. What do you keep it going? You died because your heart stopped beating. Like, huh? You, pay somebody to do this forever on my chest. No problem. However, because, ah, this is dumb.

So that's why you have a kid, right? So, as you're dying, no, not as a blood bank, he can start hitting you in the chest to keep you alive. And then he has to have a kid to start hitting him in the chest to keep him alive. Yeah, yeah. So it's like the whole Entire lineage. Yeah, each other's hands stay alive. Yeah, it's a good idea Vegas is dying

Something with chat GPT. Let's see breaking Stunning signs of an incoming recession are appearing as Vegas has officially reported an 11% decrease in tourism. Bad signs for Trump's economy. Have you been to Vegas in a while? It's been a minute. A couple years. Yeah, it's like a Carnival Cruise ship now. They should change the strip to Martin Luther MLK jr. Boulevard You know what I mean yeah, yeah

but They just hose it down. It's just like a slum now They should they got to kick the doors they got hose it down every everything is plastic everywhere, you know Yeah, it's not fucking sucks. There's nothing to do there. There really isn't I Saw last time I was in Vegas for hackamania. I Was walking down Fremont Street, which was cool when it first came out. Mm-hmm. It was fun there was like a kind of a festive atmosphere and now there's now it's just crummy and there's little circles where like the freaks are.

There's like, I saw a guy begging for money. Like I lost my arms in Vietnam, please give me a dollar or some sign like that. And he was in a circle. He was in a circle and all the circles up and down the strip where the people have to stay in. So I'm thinking, did they schedule you as like a disabled bum? Did you have to sign up for disabled bum begging for like authenticity?

And then I was walking back to the, I was walking back to the Hackamania and I saw the fattest, like, a young woman, probably like a 23 year old fat, where, Oh yeah. You know, there's, it's a very specific way that you can be that young and fat, sitting on top of a bar, erotically, like a fat mermaid, and like a slushy bar behind her,

like staring out girl bossingly into the street. It was such a depraved scene more than ever before. It's just a collection of depravity, a gross kind of depravity now. Yeah. And everyone, I swear to God, in Vegas, if you deviate from those, like... First of all, if you don't take an Uber from one hotel to the other, if you dare to cross one of those people-moving bridges,

it's like not one person on those bridges has all four limbs. No. It's a collection of... Civil War... Veterans or or something what were you gonna say yeah well I was gonna say when it comes to the the bums begging there was one I went to Korean barbecue my girlfriend recently yeah and I told her there's this great spot where the KBBQ is so it's in a little shithole but the food is so good that there,

and there's a Mediterranean spot next door, and the guy's always standing outside trying to get people to come to his restaurant instead. It's like, dude, no one's fucking going there, dude. But so, we pull up. Dude, it's just like, it's fucked. Every time you go, you get hammered with add-ons the whole time you're there.

Well, so get this. We pull up, and I think I see him. I'm like, oh, there he is. He's going to come tell us. And we're like, oh, yeah, we're getting ready for it. We get out of the car. We're getting ready. And this old guy kind of hobbles up,

and he holds this raggedy sheet of paper, and he goes, please, give me money. And we're like, no, dude. No. Why? And he goes, I have cancer, please. And he had a piece of paper that said cancer on it. Like written in pencil, and I was like no dude. I'm not giving you fucking money. Like we're going to dinner right now like

Like I didn't think of it in the moment But I was gonna be like you should get if you don't have cancer you deserve it. You deserve cancer. And like also what are you doing in a grimy ass part of town sitting in the fucking street? I don't know how they managed to attract like every medical patient in the country to Vegas But the whole thing feels diseased. What's the hopes and dreams aspect of it, right? Like oh if you just is it's gamble your way out of you know, you're just one one real pull away from I think we're finally feeling the effect of the corporations owning everything instead of the mafia. Mm-hmm. Where the criminal syndicates would just take those...

take the broken reprobates and kill them, or get rid of them or something, you know? Intimidate them away from ruining everyone's good time. And corporations can't. They just can't do it. Too much HR, yeah. Yeah, we need the Yakuza to come in here and make sure everything's running properly, because there's a giant gap between what, between my needs as a consumer and what you're able to provide as like a corporation.

And it involves getting these people the hell out of here. Yeah, first get rid of the homeless people, then the fat women. Then the fat, oh my god, everything's twice the price and the women are twice as fat now in Vegas than versus when I was a kid. Well and it makes sense too because you got to think of the material cost and clothing. You can't have like a t-shirt our size, right, and then have one that's the size of two bed sheets sewn together. Yeah. And that'd still be $24.99. Exactly. For some, the presidential fitness test for some. Ha ha ha. Maybe I should bring this into the Fat Watch Super Show. Did you ever have to do that?

Yeah, the presidential fitness test was awesome. It was so easy. It was so easy. You did like pull-ups. Couple pull-ups, run a mile, run a mile, see how far you could stretch on that thing. Oh, that one was hard for me, but yeah. It's fine. All you had to do was just do it and they were like, cool, you did fine. Good job. Yeah. They even made the fat ones do it. Right. Okay, this is New York Times. Yeah. For some, for some,

the return of the presidential fitness test revives painful memories. Generations of Americans who struggled to complete a pull-up in front of their classmates winced as President Trump announced that he was reinstating the annual assessment. Eating in a push-up instead of doing a push-up? He should make this mandatory for adults, too.

He should. At restaurants. OK adults too. He should at restaurants Okay, do pull up Even if you can't do it I like you have to try how like some monasteries used to make like the the kitchen access like certain like a certain yeah Yeah, you were too fat. They're like dude You need to stop eating like you can come back when you're actually hungry look at this poor Look at this poor kid trying to do a pull-up here There is just no way that this is about pull-ups it's about running the mile who wrote this it is about running the mile. Yeah

For Americans who were forced to complete the annual measure of their physical abilities Ivory Burnett 41 does not have fond memories of taking the presidential fitness test. It felt like a military recruitment exercise, she said, with all of her classmates watching as she struggled to run a mile. Yeah, there you go. Whole Thunder Thighs was out there jiggling around.

Well, here's the thing that I want to see too. Like I know stats is bullshit, right? But I would like to see like, okay, if you got like a group of like a hundred fat people to try and run a mile Even just one lap around like a jogging track. Yeah, how many of them would fall? Damage to themselves. Yeah, who would how many would blow out and we have to test this like I want to see Yeah Blindfold fat people and then knock one of them over and see if the others just fall down without knowing right blindfolded maybe separate them see how far in isolation we have to

separate fat people before their gravitational waves or their fat waves their psychic fat connection fails to make them fall down when one does I was gonna say it's the 12th cents because the first 11 are just the herbs and spices from the Colonel's secret recipe. Uh, doing that pull up in front of everyone was the worst, said Miss Burnett, a freelance writer who described herself as taller and a little chubbier.

She blew out both of her shoulders and fucking wrists trying to pull all that shit up. What a maniac. A little chubbier than her classmates at Carter and McRae Elementary School in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. I never did a pull-up, she said. My jam was just to hang there and cut jokes. Oh, she's a chungus quirk-maxing.

I'm cutting. Everyone loves a good fat cut up. Oh, she's a she's chungus quirk maxing I'm cutting everyone loves a good fat cut up Hanging out. Hey guys. I'm just hanging out. Ha ha ha Fucking fatting it up cork chungus maxing her jam was raspberry and boysenberry my jam She really set it up for that one my jam was to hang there and cut jokes. Cut. She's got two food references in that one sentence. President Trump's announcement on Thursday that he was- Fat people can't help it, man.

Vito's always throwing food, shit, and everyone. Fat people just can't help themselves. They think about food nonstop. Vito said in Discord when he was trying to get free therapy, group therapy, that he can't stop, he doesn't want to stop eating because then he'll just be thinking about food and that will make him less productive.

That's real addiction. That's like severe. That's severe addiction. Well, I can't stop doing crack because then I'm just going to be thinking about crack and I won't be able to take these computers apart. You know what, man? Again, I bet even the Pope has had off days where he's like, I'm not thinking about God.

Where he's like, man, God might not be real. But when it comes to crack heads and fucking their devotion to crack man Is getting taken apart while some still proudly remember passing the test with flying colors and receiving a presidential certificate Mm-hmm. I guess it was kind of cool. Oh, yeah, cool the president. I'm cool. Yeah president says you're fat and Ugly many others recoil at the mere mention of the test for them. It was an early introduction to public humiliation Yeah You should be humiliated Well, this is all you have is your arms and legs and your head have some fucking American pride, right? None of us is all of us. So if you're fattening up, you know

Learn how to lose for fuck's sake. Yeah. I can't do a pull up. I guess. I didn't know that was, I didn't know you were supposed to. No one told me explicitly and very clearly. I could eat a whole pack of tostino rolls though. Is that on the test? No, that's bad. Oh shit. Oh, piloting a subway, not eating one. You would see it, Ms. Burnett said. Her classmates would feel body shamed if they didn't perform as well.

Born of Cold War era fears that America was becoming soft. Well, yeah. The test was introduced by Lyndon B. Johnson 1966. Okay, well that's the thing too. I don't know if they still teach it in schools, but what like typing? Oh, I don't know if they teach that still. Everyone's like an inherent thing. Yeah, but I remember having to like type and you'd see kids who got like fucking forwards for a minute and you're like, Todd to like type and you'd see kids who got like fucking forwards for a minute and you're like, Todd How the f- yeah what the fuck? I'm over here sat in 96's with my eyes closed What if we have like a like a

awoke like a anti-racist Presidential Medal of Freedom to see Obama fucked up. He shouldn't have eliminated it. He should have done I'm gonna do like a cock sucking award for kids too brought to you by the Democrats Yeah, Mavis Beacon teaches you the presidential fitness test Yeah, and it's like eating pies Spot the racist that kind of stuff stuff that these people would be good at well, then the other thing too is That popcorn reading in class, right? Every yeah read like a few sentences and then they make you call on someone else. It's like

That's not public humiliation. I'd always call it shit was hilarious. I'd always call the kids who couldn't read We're gonna fight you about it later. Like you're half my size dog get the fuck out of here when mr. Obama When mr. Obama abolished the test He replaced it with the fitness Graham He replaced it with the fitness gram. Fitness gram in my fucking- Fitness gram cracker box in my mouth. Fitness gram cracker box in my mouth. A program that emphasized overall student health,

goal setting and personal progress. Not beating your classmates on the track or at a pull up. God, this is like just pussy shit. You should just be beating your classmates. Yeah. They wrote a whole article for fat women Pussy shit You should just be beating your classmates yeah They wrote a whole article for fat women like who feel bad about Not being able to jump in elementary school Not being able to jump again without rolling an ankle. Can you tie your shoes?

Do you need the three-foot shoehorn yes or no? What a joke that's the new presidential fitness award or test Okay, here's a here's a Islamic preacher talking about Americans Make sense yeah check in on those, see what they're up to. This is an Islamic preacher in Dearborn, Michigan. I guess they took over parts of Michigan, some towns. I guess so, yeah. Well, sleeping on that one.

Despite all, oh yeah, Okay. This is what he says This is what they're preaching in Michigan. This is never thought I would say that but this is what they're doing in Michigan There you go. It's advancement in technology Yet they still haven't figured out that when you go to the bathroom. Yeah, they're still wiping themselves with paper All this advancement think about how advanced they've become they're trying to go to Mars. They're trying wiping themselves with paper. All this advancement, think about how advanced they've become. They're trying to go to Mars. They're trying to take over Saturn. They're trying to do all this stuff. Their cars are trying to be self-driven. Yet when they go to do the most lowest form of human... Saturn was a little specific of a response.

Saturn? Alright. Nature, the call of nature. They're still wiping themselves and cleaning themselves with paper. They're uncivilized. Do not be tricked and deceived. Wait, how do islams do it? They lick it out of each other's ass. Hahahaha! Well, you can't see what you're doing down there. How are you supposed to know?

Who's he talking to? It's all... this is all boys... okay, this is all teenage boys. And this is what's wrong with Western civilization, is they're wiping their ass with paper after they take a shit? I don't know man, sounds kind of like they've got the wrong color scheme flag. Fucking retarded by the technology do not be tricked and deceived by their philosophies and the westernizations and their ideas at the end of the day they are still backwards guys you're still wiping your ass with paper fucking self-driving cars you think that's so hot we both wipe our ass with paper I don't even wipe my ass you're going to Mars shit dude that's how advanced I am yeah actually I don't I have a bidet bro I try to

modify it to a different universe entirely suck it back in that shit off Allah has sent us to these nations to civilize them hmm that's why Allah has sent us to civilize these people. Yet the media makes us look like the barbaric ones. The reason they don't want you to- I don't like this happening. I don't like the looks of these teenagers sitting there with this asshole telling them about civilizing me for wiping my ass.

I don't like that, sir. The reason they're successful is because they're jealous of what you have. The Christians are jealous of what you have. Their nations, their religions are dying. So what they had to do, they had to change their religion. You don't believe me? We went to churches. And they're now having the LGBT flags over there. A'udhu Billah. Imagine. Your business, your religion is dying so much.

Why does he have like a Parappa beanie? That's like the part I'm kind of like, wait a second. I thought it was a Kansas City chief's hat. I'm like, is that allowed in Muslims? Yeah, I'm like, wait a second. You love Western culture. Look at that watch. Parappa the Rappa.

Oh, yeah. The only thing that you could do is go and get some help from the LGBT. That's just the condition you've become in. Because the religion is great. That's a good one. The Mostu Hanumatala has sent us into the nations to guide these people from the darkness into the light. Oh no. Okay. Well. Good job, Michigan.

Man. From the Paris of the West to the new Paris of the West. The new Paris of the West. What's that? Well, cuz right, it wasn't like Detroit, you know, just like... Oh. This is like... But then you look at modern-day Paris and it's like, oh, yeah, I guess... It's a shithole. ...still holds up.

Yeah, it's the same now. Great now great okay let me read some comments the Lokes says there's only two kinds of AI and they both don't work it's either artificial artificial shiap Indians are actually Indians fat women fat women watch football because they identify with the term pigskin he says hmm I don't know if that's true Patrick Masterson Johnny was hilarious today also can confirm Ireland is indeed fucked. That's too bad. It's a beautiful place That is too bad We're gonna have to take you back Joe self says hell yeah, Johnny with the good eats shout out only food show worth watching it is man

If you haven't watched it yet, you should what are they? What do you see on that show dude? He shows you how wrong you fucking been doing everything But he makes it look so goddamn easy, then you go try it and fuck it up, but it's awesome Guy guy cool says cooking with Jack does make some gross food But he doesn't hold a candle to King Cobra JFS. Is that true? Cobes is the master of gross food, but Jack is- Jack thinks he's making something good I think Cobes in the back of his mind kind of knows it's not good. He knows it sucks. He fucks with it though He loves his own creations. Yeah, you know Look up the $59 bog soup if you want to see the grossest food

Imaginable, I don't know that. I'll let I'll let you guys do that a woman alert okay where am I okay there we go someone make a crash test dummies song but Vito parody crash out dummies Manny the Manny Muskets is going to be his therapist he says. He does therapist. He's now paying him as a therapist. Well Manny, if next time we see you you're like half the size from all the energy being drained from you. We'll know. He asked me how much he's charged for that. Like I don't... smash his toys. I don't know. How much he's charged for that. Like I don't...

Smash his toys, I don't know. How much he should charge for them. One magic card per second. Johnny Rebelator. Let's see here. Okay. Let's see. This is... Woman alert.

Day 55 of being women. Coffee? I don't know. I'm just a girl. What is that? Oh my. Oh yeah, okay. So her car, her car is getting away from her. Her car's in the driveway. I guess it's still on. Let's see if this is AI or not. She falls over. She's not even fat and she's falling over. Yeah, maybe it's a woman thing. They're always falling over, they're chasing after strollers or something. They're always falling over right away.

Or when they realize it's hopeless, they always hit the deck. Okay, Jacko87. Woman alert. Let's see what you got. Woman alert. Oh yes, a cop fentanyl exposure. Female South Carolina police officer collapses after an accidental fentanyl exposure. Female South Carolina police officer collapses after an accidental fentanyl exposure during a search. A new body cam footage shows a

Berkeley County deputy jumping into action to save a female deputy who suddenly collapsed. A female deputy then searches the woman's person and the report states the deputy found a clear plastic bag that contained an unknown substance in one of the driver's in one side of the driver's bra and a folded up dollar bill That was also contained an unknown surface on the other side The male deputy was still rushing to the cruiser to grab Narcan which he administered to the female deputy The female deputy was taken to the hospital and later released, wow, okay, let's see what this... Well, if she didn't gasp when she saw us,

she wouldn't have got any exposure. She got exposure to psychosis, I think. Let's see. Oh, yeah, I heard the fact about both of that. I asked you to hide me things. And I'm still gonna go to jail. Not necessarily. We could have worked this out a different way. How? And I'm a silver-guel to jail How suck this cock no

Okay woman getting arrested And she's found a little baggie of drugs Man is that ladies lower jaw up to her nose or what? She found a baggie of drugs in her bra, okay And then the cop looks at it turns it over I need Narcan. I need Narcan. I need Narcan. I need Narcan. I need Narcan. I need Narcan. What? I need Narcan. I need Narcan. Where is it? Where is it?

In my car. Central 148. Oh, he's in there. For what? How did you get Narcan? Oh, now the woman is on the ground. The guy ran to the car to get Narcan

and then he runs back and the female officer has ditched and is on the ground pretending to have a panic attack pretending to have an overdose of fentanyl Yeah I mean you have a lady who's been religiously doing it for the past 40 years is standing there

Fine looking confused Oh you ran to the wrong car Look at all this shit Bro how fast do you need to do this? Give me a minute. Give me a minute. She should start, she should start counting like 2, 24, you know, like giving fake instructions while he's getting it open.

Yeah. Like don't get it open, you have to shove the whole box in her mouth. You can't open it, you'll get Narcan poisoning. What a bunch of stupid assholes. I got you. LT, I got you. So she's on the ground crying because she found a baggie of probably cocaine in the woman's bra. Her hair? Who knows?

NARCAN AMINISTORED. Want another one? Do you want another one? Is there not a medical need for it? Does Narcan not have a recommended dose? Hey, you want another hit of Narcan? How about a Zin? Me when I find the powder of instant retardation on someone else? Ah. Oh my god.

Ah. Ah. You fucking hand flailing. Can I just a Narcan addict? Yeah. And she's just another thing for that. She just wanted to hit. You know what? The attention wasn't on her is what it was. Yeah. That other up. She's like flailing around like a fucking bitch. I don't think you did it on uniform. I did. Wait, what? I don't think you what? Ready? Yeah. I don't think you did it on uniform. I did. Okay. I don't think you did it on uniform. I did.

Okay. I don't think you did it on uniform? Two doses of Narcan administered. Just leave it. Yeah, get, yeah, just get, just stay down. We'll send you the paperwork to be fired. You do not deserve to have the right to kill people or keep them safe at all.

Stay home. Go be a family man, ma'am. Go home and be a family man. You are not cut out for this. That is... The amount of paperwork? Like, to just go deal with that crackhead lady, that's like a, you know, I'm sure enough of a hassle to deal with. Just because it's like, I'm sure it's more like documents than it is.

Yeah. So then to have to go through this whole incident report of like, okay, why'd you have to go through two doses of Narcan? Narcan. Like. I want to see a cop set the record. 85 doses of, you know, just keep dosing them, right? That.

Dosing, another one, another one. Force someone to develop an addiction on the spot. I need to see a criminal react to this on camera. Laughing, you know, that's not how it works looks Yeah, I'm doing it right now. Yeah, I'm not fine head lady in jail and show this to her. Yeah a beating yeah, yeah fucking beating Did what cops done best to just start kicking her skull in. What do I what do you need a Big Mac I need a Big Mac right away attention Tom Jumbo Grumbo says

you got another Asmongold shout out really that's tremendous's tremendous. Let's see, let's see what you got here, Tom. Can't even click the button. This crash out was insane. Oh yeah, more crash outs. It's crash out week. 2840ish. 28, okay. Nick Fuentes is going all over the place recently. He's killing it. I've been in the hole, man. I don't know what's what.

They should just all the, all the middle-aged men should get together and really, you know, brainstorm on new ways to get Nick Fuentes. And they could, all the middle-aged men who do political commentary, Tuckle Carlson, you know, Candice Owens, they can all get together and have a little group and wear costumes like the Legion of Doom, and they'll take turn and they'll come up with the ways we got to get Nick Fuentes Because the he's gay and he's a kid. I don't think that shit's really working

But they definitely want to take him down This is use him of wanting to change the world. Yeah, they got to find something You know, they need to put all their brain power Alex carp the Palantir CEO, can be in on it. Dave Rubin, the guy that kidnapped a little girl from, or a little boy, what am I saying, homosexual, obviously adopted a little boy. What am I saying, girl?

Why would a homosexual wanna kidnap a baby girl? All the conservative, middle-aged, washed-out commentators should get together and figure out how to get Nick Fuentes. This one will really... this one will get him. You know? Really get him with, figure it out together. Cause they're all lashing out independently. They're all trying to pull the sword out of the stone on their own and it's not working.

Maybe if they all get all their strength together and really all pull it, maybe then it'll work. I just, I hate it so much. You gotta get Captain planet out, man Yeah with our with our babies combined Dave Rubin can do with our

Stolen babies combined. We are captain. I can't say it Okay, here we go. Let's see Asmongold stop. Let's see what he's talking about. That's it Yeah, it's a classic to say that I'm in the CIA Okay, here we go. Let's see. Asmongold was talking. Let's see what he's talking about. That's it. CIA? It's a classic. For him to say that I'm in the CIA? What a joke. What a sick joke. Especially after everything that's happened to me. And unlike what Candace Owen says, she says, what happened to him when he was 18. What happened to me is ongoing. Okay. Unlike Candace Owens and Tucker. It is insulting and it is insulting to everybody's intelligence for Tucker to sit there and say, he doesn't

know his dad is in the city. I think that Nick is also mask offing right now that a lot of these different identity struggles are actually class struggles in disguise. Yeah, you can probably notice that right now with like what Nick is saying is that Tucker Carlson is criticizing Nick for things and attributes that are held by not people that are white, black or anything. They're held by people that are poor without resources. And I think that's what's really radicalized a lot of people like Nick and also a lot of people that are on the left wing too.

They've been radicalized by these social issues and these identity issues, but the majority of these identity issues are actually class issues at heart. And you see that by the way that they insult each other, because why would you insult a person based off of something that you don't care about and you don't by the way that they insult each other because why would you insult a person based off of something that you don't care about and you don't think that they care about? So it's like, why would you do that? Well, obviously it's because either they care about it

or you think that the other person cares about it. That's it. CIA? It's a classic issue. For them to say that I'm in the CIA? What a joke, what a sick joke. Especially after everything that's happened to me. And unlike what Candace Owen says, she says, what happened to him when he was 18.

What happened to me is ongoing. Okay. Unlike Candace Owens and Tucker, I never got a contract with Ben Shapiro and Rupert Murdoch. I Was on maker support. I was on hatred on I was on D live Hatred on by the way little fun fact a little you know lore connection here Hatred on also was debanked and they had the same problems dick Masterson talked about that I think he tweeted at me about it. And they had the exact same issues. So the same problems that these video game companies are running into are the same problems that I think that, you know, he's he had for a long time. Dick Masterson. No, that's his that I don't know if that's his real name. But that's what he uses on the internet, okay? It's fucked, yeah.

Why's he so mad? He's almost done. I had to fight for everything I had. Man! Is this shit gonna pop off because of video games again? You're telling me all of the payment processor nonsense, all of the debanking, is it all gonna come to a head because of video games

once again? I think so. Is that really happening? I'm starting to believe. My hair on my arms is standing on end because I think that might be finally where we're headed. All the free speech shit. Like when I, I mean, when I was doing New Project 2,

and yeah, what Asmongold is saying is right. That's exactly what happened to me. When I was doing New Project 2, the sad part of opening up a new venue for, what the hell? No, the sad part of opening up a new venue for what the hell no the sad part of app opening up a new venue for uh free speech is that it's immediately flooded with um like whacked out conspiracy shit and really aggressive racism like way way way over the top racism. And you think, ah, man, like this is a bad

look. It looks, it just looks really bad when the second any sort of platform for free speech or freedom opens up at all. It's full of like the most repugnant shit that there could ever be, which is, which I'm, you know, I don't care about. Like I wish it would, I wish we were still in high IQ internet where you could do and say whatever you want. And everyone was trusted to make their own decisions and be their own filter. But you can't have that now

because you've, I don't know what the IQ level is, but as soon as you fall below it, that person can no longer, that person can mentally no longer filter out data in their head. So whatever data gets put on them becomes them. They sit there absorbing nonstop. They sit on the internet, they're getting hate.

They become it. They get, they see racism and jokes or whatever. They're like, ah, I'm freaking out. I'm getting angry because I can't fucking turn it off. They're like a baby. You get too much stimulation. Ah, they start hooking out, right? And they're like, ahhh!

And then they see another guy who's like, ahhh! They're like, you're stupid too? Ahhh! Let's both be stupid together! And they start freaking out. They're like, we gotta shut the internet down. We gotta censor the planet. We gotta censor the whole planet, because we're getting too upset.

We know that it's bad, but we don't have the mental ability. We just don't have the mental ability to self-filter. So we have to make an internet that caters to these people now. Or it's inevitable, it's inevitable what's happening. It was an unfortunate side effect that having a site that allows anything you want will immediately be flooded by just the most heinous and aggressive content there is. Um, what was I, what did I start, why did I start talking about this? Running into debanking issues with you.

So, that's all, that's the only people that would go there. That's the only people that would use freedom sites is the people who wanted to promote this like aggressive hateful rhetoric which I'm fine with but normal people don't want to have anything to do with that right so you're so any site that like rumble okay if you watch somebody's content on rumble you get ads for like just the absolute dregs of like gold for teeth like you want to trade your teeth for gold send them in to this fucking address You're like that's not a I mean, it's not even you got six digits on this phone number It's everything on this website every ad is catering to the lowest common no what car companies advertising on rumble, right? But

But so you got a system where to cater to the nebulous demands of the US government, which is no hate speech, no hate speech, no violent speech, no supporting violence and stuff like this. Nobody could possibly, nobody could possibly meet these criteria because hate speech is like, it has no definition. So you can't possibly do it. Anybody could come in and say, well, that's hate speech.

We've been over this a million times. But now they finally went after video games. Video games are high IQ. You need to have a high IQ to make them. So you do not have, here's my 20 paragraph essay where I use the N word 10,000 times, you know, and I have weird segues about my ex-wife in it. You have a product that was made by high IQ

individuals. That's going to be, that's really going to be the difference between payment processors going after guys like me who are joking and like people spreading hate speech, which again, I don't care about. And there's a, there's a spectrum between guys like me who are joking and guys who are just flat out racist, right? And it's very difficult for me to distinguish myself from them. It's very difficult for me as a comedian to say, well, I'm not, you know, I'm not like those guys.

I say black people drive like this, do do do do do do. Right? Yeah. What's wrong with that? They're driving away from their kids Right right. There's no difference between what I'm saying and what the worst Racist people are saying I'm just saying in a different way mine's worse Because normal people hear it and they're like oh, yeah That's funny. It must be true a little bit, right?

And you see the racist guy going like, oh yeah, fucking this, this, this. They're like, whoa, I'm not anything like that. What you're saying is all of what you're saying is crazy. But I'm like, Hey, a little bit, right? Well, I think the distinguishing factor is if you're laughing when you're talking about it. Oh yes. And if there's no ex-wife tangents, no Oh, yes, and if there's no ex-wife tangents

No ex-wife tangent if there's an ex-wife tangent you've you're gone. You're done. You're You are current wife only Current wife only man. I'll tell you my I wake up every morning hating being alive You know, I don't actually hate being alive I Wake up every day, you know aching and and and Drain from it I wake up every day hurting from a hangover that I don't have Called having a baby. You know having a newborn, and I don't even do, I do, I try very hard to help, but I only do a little bit of,

I only do a little bit of the work, if we're being honest. You know me, I can't, I have to be honest. Well, if, but my point was, I'm not even gonna lie. I'm not even gonna lie, Johnny, I'm not even gonna lie. But my wife's never, I've never seen her, she's in the next room, I've never seen her happier. And I'm thinking, I was thinking this morning,

I'm like, man, thank God women are retarded. Because only a retarded person would want to deal with this fucking, I'm like 10 minutes with the baby fucking screaming in my ear. I'm like, oh God, I gotta, I gotta, I'm done. But I look at my wife dealing with the baby as this smiling like I've never seen her smile before, you know, and I think, thank God,

God, thank you for making women retarded, you know. I just imagine you walking around the house like confused Mr. Krabs all day. Just like, ah. So my point was we finally found a reason, we finally found a body of work that is totally distinguishable from hate speech, which everybody really honestly knows what it is.

It's just that you can't, like, it's just fuck you. The real reason is it's not about jokes. It's that I want the hate speech too. Fuck you. I do want that, I do want that stuff to exist Cuz maybe they got a point. I don't I don't know. I haven't read it maybe that's maybe the ex-wife was a bitch, but we finally have we finally have a use and a battleground for all this payment processor stuff that cannot be confused with

racist that cannot be confused with racist manifestos. And that's a video game. Say, well, it's supporting hate speech. Like, it's a video game. It's not real, man. It's called Tyrone's Day Out. Like, well, it's a video game now. It's see, you turn it on and go bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop.

It's got nothing to do with this guy's fucking weird .org,.fuckingdiv dive manifesto over here. Dot xyz fucking. Yeah. That's it. Gamergate 2. I guess we're at. That would be fucking awesome if this metastasized.

If all this payment process or shit. Cause Null... Null's had to deal with it too. He has. I should have sold Vito out along. When Null first started having problems with Vito, I should have kicked his ass out. I should have said, no, you're right. He is a pedophile.

He's fucking done. Get out of my house. He's fucking done, dude. Nulls dealt with it too, but he has the same problem. Because his site, while it is about freedom, it's also very, very bad. Stuff's happening there. And you don't know what thread you're eating,

one thread, like, oh, okay, this is kind of a fun happy go. Like, yeah, this guy is a doofus. And the other thread is like, let's kill this Senate. Man,. Like yeah, this guy is a doofus and the other threads like let's kill this Man I was just looking at bad recipes a second ago. Yeah, one's perfectly fine. Like well, I couldn't I can't tell the difference But it's not a video game Right again. Well, that's not that's not cyber stalking. It's a video game. Well, it's what you know, and I In a weird way, it's almost like the Christians have been sort of like prepping this, right? Like demonizing video games over all the years

to the point where it's like the video game scare is kind of over, right? We had to be on our own, video games had to be on their own for a long time. And they're right, they're realizing, oh shit, we shouldn't have made that industry hard. Yeah. Well then, also with the stop killing games thing right now too, it's like there's a lot-

What is that? Well, so it's basically, I've kind of touched on it before, and it's that guy Ross Scott. Yeah. Who does Ross's Game Dungeon and a bunch of other shit. Fucking awesome, awesome stuff. Like BDSM games? No, just like old games that you might not have heard of it's like he's trapped in a dungeon and the only way he Can get out is by playing all these games. That's cool

Good premise good games good commentary, but um, it's a YouTube. Yeah, okay You know and he's just talking about like Whether it's like if you buy a game Well, you know you buy a physical copy of a Nintendo game And you could play it later on right and just kind of similar thing with games you buy online But also like if there's like multiplayer online games at least like Have some sort of way where you can continue to play stuff You know how like old games like would give you some sort of like here's the installer then here's like the server thing too Yeah, sure. Yeah, just kind of giving that disc back to you, too

Oh, okay, that's what it is more. Yeah more or less just well just like the preservation of like hey I bought this thing. I should have it right Makes a lot of time well, so we're doing games. It's on is there's so much attention on video games right now from all fronts It's like wow. I'm and you know what I know about video gamers? They need their games like crack. They're not, they don't stop buying them. If people cram like fucking trans shit, gay shit, they will still buy the goddamn game. Like they have to hold each other's hands and say, we will not buy the, they have like men being men together. We're not going to buy this guys.

We're not going to buy this game. They have to, they have to form little groups of not buying. While they're in their pre-order line. Yeah, while they're in the pre-order line. It's like, man. There's something wrong with them. But that's gonna be a tough fight. It's Hollywood and, it's Hollywood and all the banks

and payment processors because Hollywood, they sent all of their, they sent all of their bums, Hollywood sent all of its rejects and derelicts, all of its B-Squad over to games. And so they're the same LGBT gay shit like all of the Marxist postmodern, the nuclear family is dead, I'm gonna shave half of my head

and be happy for the rest of my life as a fat lesbian all that shit those those idiots Failed out of regular Hollywood because the idiot right those freaks the freaks like that excelled in regular Hollywood because they could tell stories And they can but the ones that couldn't tell stories got fell through the cracks and got dumped over to games Where they employ that shit? If you couldn't have them as an AD, you get a, you go into games. Gay D. Yeah. You going over to direct a video game.

So we got all those freaks fucking shitting it up over in games. And we got the payment processors full of the same shitheads. Maybe things do happen, man. We gotta have lawsuits, man. There's gotta be big lawsuits for all the people that got fucked over by Operation Chokepoint. They're already starting to. You see American Eagle say fuck you over that Sydney Sweeney ad? I saw that, man. What a brand name, too. American Eagle.

That's a little funnier. Yeah. I don't even really like Sydney Sweeney that much, but. Oh, I saw a funny one the other day. That was like some fat lesbian, like, well, I'd rather see Sydney Sweeney than some fat queer in this. I'm like, wow, that's kind of. Let me show you a fat queer, since you're so this is not gonna be a biggest problem recap show is it it

should be Lena Dunham where is she oh yeah she's making the rounds I don't know why I just realized her last name is Dunham too. And she's obviously still leading it. Yeah, she can't quit. Lena, here it is. She's Dunham once and never stopped. Jesus. Lena Dunham and this 11 year old boy she's walking around with, I don't know who that is

I mean look at the size of this bitch Oh! The saddest tits on the planet there should be a saddest tits award. I'm gonna start that on Thursday I'm actually gonna do no ma'am starting on Thursday. I'm gonna have a saddest tits award No, ma'am starting on Thursday. I'm gonna have a saddest tits award Look dude look at this looking like fucking Patrick star in drag Jesus Christ What the fuck Save image. Yeah save image on downloads that is

Look at this shit, man. That's a bit much. That's too much, bro. Uh... Wha- Here, can I do this? Let me see if I can do this. Trying a little monster face? Yeah!

Come on, where's the... Where's the paint program? Uh... No! Uh... paint program no no I'm trying to load paint the courage is okay let's give her some let's give her a tit some There we go Put some eyes on her tits here alright Let's Okay, give it some angry eyes There we go Here's the mouth. Yeah, here's the nose

We need like some a classical like orchestral music to like on today's art Women's stomachs into angry men To what their heart what face their heart is making yeah Here's his mustache, see? This is the talent, Johnny. This is the talent. And he's got some drool. Here's his mouth. You gotta draw like the Boris and Natasha hat

on top where her head goes. Okay? Boris and Natasha hat Okay Can I get a bigger size than this now Let's get rid of her head obviously Okay He was more of a gray hat though, wasn't he I think I think they were wearing black I can't it's been a while since I've seen right. I mean look man. I'll tell you this This is if we've got if we've got Nick Fuentes hammering Tucker Carlson for being a fucking fed for being a SEP, for being a nepo baby

CIA plant, and Candace Owens, the conservative token favorite, if Nick Fuentes is single-handedly hammering these idiots and guys like Asmongold are red-pilled on payment processors who are fucking with their video games, it's over for them. It's fucking over for them. When it was just me and racist people who were pretending to care about free speech, to be racist, I can't, I mean, I tried my best, and I got stomped down like it was nothing,

but you've got the biggest streamer in the fucking world, and a guy That doesn't date women whoo And all the gamers and all the fucking gropers and disaffected white and Hispanic men out there it's that's a different fight I Can't stop looking over at this fucking picture. Hahahaha

That's a different fucking fight dude, that is a fight we can win. Fucking moose and squirrel man. That's the fight going on here. Hahahaha Now, Boris had like, black hair, didn't he? Yeah, of course. I'm going to tell you what I was! It was like this, I think. Yeah, like that. Alright. Oh my fucking God, dude. Okay.

And then he had some coming out over here. Oh no! Oh, you can right-click to undo? Oh, shit. Fuck! Paint 2.0? Oh, no, oh you can right-click to get to do undo. Oh Paint 2.0 I will turn any picture of Lena Dunham into Boris bad enough Okay, Boris fucking fat and he had a chin down like this she's going down to bowl winkles is the thing later god damn holy shit there you go man that cool. Yeah, Derek driving. Eat your heart out, man

He had like a little he was like a little guy too, right? It's a little guy Yeah, yeah, but he was kind of fat her um the part and the dresses are the fold Well, not this is like his tie the dress folds. Yeah, that's Yeah, that's exactly And you know what I need to get rid of his hold on okay, let me see this is my Bob Ross oh no oh Right click no that didn't work. Oh well, whatever okay. He was like he smiled like this oh Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is good stuff, okay Asmongold Nick Fuentes you gotta make this a character where you cut the mouth

Asmongold Nick Fuentes, ah, this is good stuff. This is good stuff. And gamers. Gamers rise up, man. You guys fucked with games, man. You fucked with them too. You fat lesbians with your shaved heads fucked with them way too much. Body by Boris' ass? You body by Boris' ass bitch fucked with the games too much. You fucked with the games too much. And now, the games are gonna fuck with you. Mm-hmm. There we go

There's Boris Vatinov What do you think I love this This is pretty good. It's great. Yeah, it's a finished piece of art. I got to sign it. Mm-hmm Yeah D M Mm-hmm. Uh... Yeah. D... M. And then circle for a danger mouse. Ah, that made it look bad. Ah, it's not undo after all! Fuck! Oh well. Command Z. Oh, yeah, okay. Command Z... What the hell?

Why does Command Z not work? What the fuck is going on here? Oh, there's the undo arrow up there. Oh, yeah, all right undo Okay D M Great all right So the talent everybody I guess if you would like this picture, just go ahead and, you know. Subscribe to the Patreon, buy the suicide shirt, we'll send you a copy of this image to your email directly. I'm excited, man! You know how long I've been getting fucked over by banks and obsessing about this shit? This is day one.

Finally gonna change. Day one, man. It's finally gonna fucking change. Things happen. Change day one man. It's finally gonna fucking change things happen I Was talking to some crypto guys they do payment processing and I was like hey look I know I talked to you guys before and you gave me some shit about like terms of service and hate speech and all this crap But what about now go recheck go check yeah Go see if any fat women have been fired from that bank that you're dealing with Cuz I don't know

All right Thanks, Tom jumbo grumbo mint condition male says your misogyny cured my approach anxiety Hey dick approach anxiety is a pickup artist term. You want to guess what it is? What do you think it means? It means you're so gay, you can't just walk up to a woman and be like, what a bitch, I like your shoes. When was the last time you saw a roly poly?

Approach anxiety is a pickup artist term for how when you see a hot girl, the more you want to go talk to her, paradoxically, the stronger the immediately following jolt of anxiety telling you do not approach her will be. You've said you don't have social anxiety. I mean, I don't know about, I don't know about, I don't have social anxiety. Uh, I don't have social anxiety. I don't know, I might have been bullshitting you. But you've described something similar along the lines of when you get that sick feeling telling you not to do something, you have to do it.

Yeah, that's... yeah. And when I said that, I must have been... ...thirty-something. Now I think about that and go, Uhhh... Maybe do it half the time. Yeah. You're making fun of women's, you making fun of women's stupidity has done more to help me overcome it

than any pickup mindset has. I tried a range of more pro social framings to psych myself up, including that they're already my friends or sister separated at birth. An incest fetish. So you're looking at a woman and you're like, I'm gonna pretend that she's my sister, and then it's gonna make it okay to go talk to her.

I don't think that's gonna put you in the correct mindset. Anytime I hear mindset, framing, any of those buzzwords, right? Yeah, neuro-linguistic programming. Or like journey or speaking truths and things like that. It's all in that same category. It's all in that same category of like, just shut the fuck up. Well, how do you help them then? How do you- he's trying to get help. He's fucked. No

You're saying you're a fixed man, but you're telling us how more fucked you are just don't talk to bitches No, that's not a good enough solution. You're the scarrer of the hose. You making fun of women's stupidity has done more. Oh, yeah, okay I Tried the following pro social framings to psych myself up including One that they're already my friends or my sister separated at birth Are we that is that a good line you're the lineman are you are we separated at birth? Were you born were you abandoned at a Carl's Jr.?

Right. At a Hardee's? You know, that's what they call Carl's Jr. on the East Coast. See, that's a good in. Were you abandoned at a Hardee's restaurant? Cause I was. Hardee's nuts.

That's such a terrible mindset to be in. Even the idea of a mindset just makes you crazy. It makes me... why do that to yourself? Just go up and treat her like a woman, dude. Well, what's that? Just go up and fucking talk to her. You already know she's stupid. Well maybe he's looking at her and she's so hot he thinks she's like, stupid, smart. That's the most retarded shit I've heard in my life. Well, that's what they're saying on TV. Number two, a growth mindset. That's what also he had.

A growth mindset. You need to grow the fuck up and fucking go lift some weights and go get some sun, dog. What's a growth mindset? It just sounds like some shit doctor fucking Joe on his little bicycle to talk about. It sounds like something someone who owns a map and not a globe would have. A growth mind. Oh, there it goes. Who owns a map and not a globe would have? A growth mind. Oh, there it goes. Sci-opping myself into abundance mentality.

Too many buzzwords. What the fuck does that supposed to mean? This guy is fried. Okay, a growth mindset, that's like, is that like growing a business? He's like, he's doing better for the sake of doing better it's like this like this fake thing of like progress we've always chased society right okay abundance mentality like I've got so much I've got

so much cock over here I need to unload some of this huge cock it sounds like he listened to the Joe Rogan once mmm, and is they talk about this stuff. I just imagined so man abundance mentality Hey, you want some money? like that abundance mentality, that's like some shit that That wasn't working he's saying it didn't work. I can't imagine why maybe he wasn't thinking abundantly enough If they're with me, they won't mess around with other guys and get raped.

Hmm. Let's see. If they're with me, they won't mess around with other guys and get raped. That was the mindset? If they're with me. I don't, what do you think in your mind when you think about talking to women I don't you don't think about anything I don't think about it if you had to describe it. What's the emotion that you have in your mind?

Dread Okay, but not anxiety it It's, Oh, I got to talk to women. It's like, okay. It's like, I got to sit here and like, I got to, I got, you know, I have to talk. I don't want to do that. I don't just sit there and drink. I, if I, okay, if I had to describe my mindset in the way this guy is doing it, this is how I this is a pro social framing your mindset maxing right if I mindset max I would say used car salesman yes I know what I'm selling is shitty I know she doesn't want it I definitely know she can't afford it but I'm unloading this car uh yeah I gotta

unload this car you gotta put it on you gotta be it's like you can be you but you have to like lie yeah yeah it takes energy it takes effort. Uh-huh And the thing is is it's not so much a problem of talking to women It's I don't want to put the effort in yeah, I Don't I really don't want to lie to myself right now. Yeah, yeah, and that's the I have no problem lying to you bitch Yeah It's me. It's me. I'm honest with myself. I just want to go home Yeah, yeah, and this thing I have no problem lying to you bitch. Yeah It's me. It's me. I said I'm honest with myself. I just want to go home I know I didn't even want to leave the house today They are yeah if pickup artists even cringier than me can spur their way to triple digit body counts

Oh you guys you got a Going to Hong Kong and Tijuana doesn't count. You guys are spending too much time with women. If you're getting triple digit. I mean, that's a hundred nights that you spent. That's pretty gay, dude.

That's way... You're gonna go hang out with women? Yeah, that's way too much time. That's at gay, dude. That's way... You gonna go hang out with women? Yeah, that's way too much time. That's at bare minimum. That's 100 nights. That means bare minimum. There's a hundred awkward excuses to have to get out of doing shit, too. Yeah, you're giving away your soul doing this.

What a waste of time. You might pick up habits that you can't get out of doing shit too. Yeah, you're giving away your soul doing this. What a waste of time. You might pick up habits that you can't get rid of. You're gonna pick up knowledge that you shouldn't know. You know? You're gonna be TikTok maxing. You're gonna basically be a woman. Yeah. A little bit. You're gonna learn so much from him.

Uh-huh. Yeah, you're gonna start forgetting all the other shit. Like George of the Jungle, when he would go to the jungle and act like a monkey. That's you. And come back Georgia of the Jungle. Yeah. It's retarded for me to not even get one.

Well, you gotta, I mean, you gotta fuck a couple. Yeah, yeah. Put some effort in, but like... But nothing has worked close to as well as telling myself that their thoughts don't matter. Yeah. Because they don't even know water doesn't crawl up the sides of pitch. That yeah.

Well, that's what I'm saying. He's gone through all this trouble to realize it's like the easiest thing to do. Yeah. And all that happened is you lost money in a bunch of your life talking to dudes about girls. Yeah. That water doesn't crawl up the sides of pitchers.

Whatever they're busy with isn't anything important. Yeah. And if I had a son in my situation, would I want him to worry about creeping out some stupid girls? I would have said bimbo. Mm-hmm You know, so there's still something you can learn young man That should be reflects some stupid bimbo, you know the journey of a thousand miles begins with one slur No, I just want him to fuck them. Okay, and then

Someday you're gonna look at this and go no. I would just want him to go home. Yes You're a genius mint condition mail. Well, I'm glad it worked for you. Maybe that's the Maybe this is the missing link that you guys that some guys have been missing this whole time and some guys have been looking for this whole time that some guys have been looking for this whole time. Pickup artists are predatory, they're salesmen, and they're selling, most of their picking up is on other men who are desperate for answers and for pussy. Maybe it's as simple as stop listening

to what they're saying and learn that everything they're thinking is retarded. They got nothing in their head. It's whatever you put in there is what's going to take over. I'm busy. I doubt it. I really doubt you're up to something important. Sending out lunch menu requests to the rest of the HR department?

I don't fucking think so. Yeah, uh-huh. Can you define important? No, I didn't think so. Okay, thanks in a rage. Thank you for the email. Thanks in a rage. Hey Dick, Stubbs from Australia.

I wrote in a while ago about the retarded guy at my pistol range who couldn't figure out his hearing protection. Wanted to write in a thanks for all the rages and a congratulations for the birth of Dick Jr. Baby Dick, they're calling him. What makes me rage is phone hold lines, specifically Aussie ones. Since I last wrote in, I started working in the unlicensed shooting business from that video. Consequently, I have to get tested for lead exposure as a condition of my employment. Calling to a range of 15-minute blood draw required an hour-long phone call with multiple

nurses who had to transfer me three times to find someone who knew what the hell they were doing. Already off to a bad start, but now every phone hold line in Australia requires an interruption at random intervals to pre-chastise you into not yelling at the phone operator? Pfft, really? The icing on the cake is that no one thought to balance the audio levels against the hold music, so you have to choose between missing out

on the call being picked back up or having your ears blown out by the reminder of not to yell at women. The lessons you have passed out on the show haven't gone unlearned. I brought up how much I was excited for the new job a while back to my mother during a visit home. A man uneducated with women of the gospel of dick might not have seen this one coming.

She told me I shouldn't be too excited about turning my hobby into a full-time job because guns have things attached. Yeah. She of course meant... malicious ghosts. Get the fuck out of here. It does not say that. I find sometimes that if a woman is confusing you, if you think about it, and you need to ask her, and you can't figure out why something is bothering her, why she doesn't like something, or somewhere, or is sending confusing signals

about something, and giving the wrong emotional reaction, oftentimes that you simply need to ask her if it involves ghosts. And the answer probably 25% of the time is yes. That there is a ghost, it's ghostly or ghost related, her issue. Fucking like some Bushido code shit, like the guy who died with this gun is like, is everyone shooting fucking like blunderbusses

or some shit? Like what? I mean ghosts attach to this gun, like... Here's one forged fresh off the factory floor. Because they're murder weapons, you know? Ghosts. Yeah, every squirrel you shot is fucking- the power of it is all gonna come back and kill you. You don't like- you don't want me to drive this way home?

The other way is... It takes like 10 minutes more. Why do you, why do you always, why do you always drive this way? Why do you always drive this way home? It's always bugged me. Why do you drive this way? Start a big fight, right? It's dead man's curve over there. Yeah, exactly.

Here's the way you handle it. Are you driving this way home and not the other way? Because the other one, because of ghosts. I am. Thank you for, yes, I actually am there's a a kid died There's one of those little cross things the other way and I'm worried that the ghost will Attach to the car ghosts are scaring the shit out of me like at the haunted mansion in Disneyland. Mm-hmm. So Yeah for a second. I thought you said the Honda mansion at Disneyland. Yeah, you've been there

all types of Honda's e Honda cars EV Honda e Honda Vito the celebrity chair. Oh man. I honestly I could do a show just reading the comments of last biggest problem video those are they are just eviscerating. I haven't laughed harder at a show for all the wrong reasons. That's some of the funniest shit I've ever seen. Oh, God.

We almost got another crying stream. Yeah. See, this show doesn't have Super Chats. we should maybe I should start super chats just for that. Am I even fucking streaming? Yeah, that's working. Let me see if I'm working. Yeah, maybe next episode. That'd be fucking funny. Oh, dude. Did you see this shit? Yeah, the boys! Hahahaha No wonder he hired an artist he can't fucking communicate with to draw his comic, cause that looks like shit.

The O's supposed to be goo, like... That's the most low effort. I don't wanna not read the comments cause because it's like leaving content on the table. Read fucking posts and comments. It would take too long. I'm going to let Riley do it. He's coming back on Friday. I'm just going to let him do it.

Perfect. I'm not, I'm not going to bother everyone with that. Well, you know, it's all his fault anyway. I just don't see how Superkiller's part of the show. You mean the comic that you aggressively plugged every week that when Destiny came in, he said, why the fuck are you talking about this comic so much? That comic, you don't see how it's part of the show? You don't see how vacuuming out a hundred grand from the audience and then not giving

anyone anything. Not a glimpse into the process, not like... First ones to start printing up. You know they're paying for like, they're paying for like, like intimacy. You know? That's what like crowdfunding and Patreon and stuff is. They're paying for a little bit, a little bit of infatuation, not too much, not to be presumptuous,

but you know, a little bit. Like it's like a backstage kind of deal. People are happy to support and they, you know, you said it is- You're paying for the story of the support. Yeah, the comic doesn't matter. It's the, well, the comic does matter, get it done. But it's the, you know, people are excited to support him.

The journey, not the destination. Right. it's the journey that they're paying for now everyone's so sick of this fucking journey mr. bones is right never and been vacuuming this dirt road for a few years now one day we'll get to the center of the earth one day we'll figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of super killer. Man, I just, that art and then the every, it's just, it's all, it's fucked. It's fucked. Vito the celebrity chasers, he says. Hey Dick, after watching the biggest problem yesterday, it's insane how out of touch with

reality Vito is. As somebody who grew up in LA, what is this type of person who is so desperate to turn every human interaction into a hit and get famous? I mean, yeah. That was crazy too. He couldn't say you had hits, man. Yeah. What deficiency goes on in their head or from their life that makes them with glassy shark eyes try to strip mine and commodify the goodwill around them? Can you give some insights from a lifetime in it? Smooches for Johnny and go fuck yourself Denver Doug. It's real simple. There's, there's like this, there's like this aura in LA and in

YouTube, where everybody feels the impression that everybody gets and it permeates outside of YouTube as well. Like people, people hear podcasts and they're overwhelmed with this, this, this like spell is cast on them, where they think that being a big success and having all their ideas worshiped is always like, just like a dream, just barely out of reach. And if they could just get, if you could just help them, if somebody could just help them a little bit,

they could reach out and grab it, and grab hold of it. And then they would have it forever. You know, they know that they would just, they know that they would spend every ounce of strength they have holding on to that dream. If they could just grab it. That's what the mental, that's what the feeling,

that's what the pervasive and corrosive feeling of celebrity is. Well, and on the music side too, it's all like a lottery ticket, right? You get all these, you get the, you hear all these stories of like, yeah, that guy used to be my roommate. And then the next, you know, next week,

he was on the cover of GQ for this song he wrote in our apartment. And then it's like, all of a sudden people are like, well, I can just like, I'm going to meet that person too. And then so it's like, everyone everyone's like I gotta work with this guy I gotta work with everyone yeah, because if they blow up and I work with that guy Okay, and it's like this weird like Race to the bottom but not

Yeah, maximal spreading I gotta spread myself as thin as possible Yeah, so that I can touch something and it's like just be good at something first and then figure out the rest from there. Yeah, but it's just a, you know, there's nothing to grab. It's all an illusion. Women have something similar with Instagram. They're just compulsively posting on Instagram thinking like, well, this will be the one that feels like a human connection

even though none of them do or ever will. It's like, it's this is Trip trick in your brain that makes you think that That's what I mean that's what that's the closest thing I can think of what it is why people Do that? Oh, yeah Everything's got to be Something that can be packaged and it gets worse you get older That's why you got to just you know quit. Well, that's what makes it so funny is like imagine

imagine getting Getting that thing you're in LA for and then just like well, I think concert I need motivation to do a good job. Maybe if I just keep eating about it, it'll It'll help. No, just do a good job. Yeah, but like you didn't tell me explicitly to do a good job. You didn't make it clear that I needed to do a good job. Sorry, I've been setting a lot of boundaries lately. Is it a boundary for you that I don't do a good job?

I can't wait to listen to this on my drive home too. I can't wait to listen to this on my drive home, too Try not to listen to it. I haven't listened to him listening to it I saw part of that cuz I was in the fucking hospital. He said a Very nice thing. He was like taking John do a show and he's like a normal guy. I was like Yeah, he's a normal guy. Yeah Appreciate that if you think he's got a comic for sale right now. Go check it out. He's working on a bunch of stuff.

I watch his trash cast streams when I can, and they're awesome. Me too. I only watch his stuff. Mm-hmm. Well, I watch Biggest Problem, too, but you know. Yeah, for different reasons. I like to see successful comics, and then I like to see what happens when you don't finish comics. So, you know The talent um, if ito was a homeless guy that would be my name for him to the talent there goes the talent

I Feel bad and then I also feel White-hot rage when I remember that he's accused me twice of faking my hearing condition to not have him in studio. That's the funniest part. All right. I don't even know if you mean that. I don't even know if thoughts were put together to say that

The the start of the whole episode killed me too. You're like you look a little dark. He's like yeah, I know God fucking damn it fucking holy shit, dude with your Hey you look dark Vito's booty he should pull a gun off his desk and bud wire himself. It's fucking, it's incredible. Luke says, actual parenting advice from a guy getting ready for his second,

don't read my last name, okay? Hi, Dick and Johnny, congratulations on your son. My first was a boy, and I wanna help you avoid my biggest mistake so far once he is no longer a newborn and sleeping in a crib rather than the bassinet in your room if you're doing that you need to learn to not respond immediately to his crying oh yeah I love this shit no you got to let him cry no yeah the guy who it's physically painful to hear loud sounds. I'm just gonna let that go on.

At this point babies are not waking up purely for food or because they should. I mean honestly I'm not gonna do shit. I'm just gonna sleep through it. So my wife can do whatever she fucking wants. I don't care about this. Jokes on that baby. At some point babies are not waking up purely for food or because they shit. How come all, why does all of the advice is,

well you have to be cruel in this way. Like, all right. They shit but because they want attention. This cry is different. It will take a while to recognize it. It won't be continuous like the crying from hunger or a full diaper. He'll take breaks.

Yeah, I think Instagram has this advice covered. I fucked this up and now my son still won't sleep through the night and he's too learn from my mistakes and hopefully you'll get more sleep than I do he might he might just be an asshole sir yeah you might you might not have done this mm-hmm they like to gaslight parents into thinking that they did something but your kid might just be an asshole. My second kid is only weeks apart and it's a girl. Any advice to make her marginally less annoying than the rest of the species women would be greatly appreciated. Yeah, there's a great podcast about it actually.

Yeah. Just keep her busy. You gotta keep women busy. Because their brains are like hamsters. They just need to run all the time, you know, because their brains, like guys, boys and men, you could just sit there and say, why don't you contemplate life? And they'll go, hmm, interesting. Well, how would I begin to contemplate? Oh, I suppose maybe I've already done it.

Oh, interesting. But if you say to a woman, hey sit there sit there for a while You'll come back and she'll have two dicks in her mouth. You say what the hell what happened at contemplating life It's just there. Yeah, I was sitting here. I thought I'd get some dick in my mouth fuck fuck So you gotta say hey, why don't you play sports or something? Here's Animal Crossing we guys we spent a lot of work getting these guys out of sports for you, so enjoy it. Mm-hmm Then you come back still like ah where do these cocks come from but you know it's a lot easier

They get a bat at least mm-hmm get rid of their a racket get these dicks out of here Here's a racket, and if you see any cocks come near your mouth, hit it away and Then you come back and there will be no cocks in their mouth get her into either Driving early so by the time she's on the road. She's good at it. Yeah, or no driving at all No driving at all. Yeah be one of those none of this like half mastery, right? Yeah. Like, yeah. Cheers Luke. Oh, smooches for Johnny. Well, thank you Luke. Oh, veteran disability. Oh, I don't know. It's kind of late already. Let's do that another time. Aaron says hiring Indians. How do you choose which

Indians are worth hiring on freelance apps? You kind of just roll the dice, fire them right away if they're not working. You're the only person I can think of who will give a real answer. Yeah, if you're gonna hire people, you gotta just hire and fire. All right, hire, fire, hire. You can do a bunch of testing shit,

but they'll just fake it if they're scumbags. So you'll know right away. Do this, explain to me how you did it. Uh, it sucks. Uh, your explanation sucks. Yesssia! It doesn't work. People hate firing, though.

So they get all, they get all upset and have a hard time hiring people because they know that they don't have the stomach to fire somebody. So hire somebody and fire them just for fun. Get good at firing people. Get good at firing people. Well, you have to, because otherwise it fucks up the whole rest of your project because you're too big of a bitch

to fucking make a judgment call. Yeah. Firing is a lot more important than hiring. Okay. This one's from, I forget, Victoria. Oh, a woman. It doesn't end with his girlfriend. The comments are wild.

Also, congratulations on your son. Best of luck. Victoria, let's see here. Mm, mm, mm, mm. Do do do do do hmm. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do. Okay. American Man tries to explain buy five to save five.

Oh, damn it. No, no, it's nice. If you buy five, you save five. Two, three. Oh, damn it. And it'll save money and it'll last us a long time. But I don't think she understands what I'm trying to do. It's five, it's five. No, no, it's five, five. It's okay, Paul, but just... You have to get five.

No, it's five, five, you save five. You don't understand. Yeah, I don't understand. You got five, you save five. You have to get at least five to save it. We save a dollar a thing. It's 15 bucks for everything. It saves five bucks.

It saves five dollars. It's a promotion. Oh These are things we have to have to win you buy five Perfect. Yeah, it's passport, bro What are you That's who he's trying to fuck? That's crazy. That's disappointing, man. You could do better than...

This should be... Trying for better than that. Ah, okay. If... Paul Masterson says a fat black woman in water alert. Oh, I don't have an award for that but let's give it a shot okay well now if there's one place I would put a fat black woman it's in a little tiny canoe mm-hmm she woke up today shows violence

She woke up today, shows violence. I know. She has the paddle. I'm good now. Yeah, you're 50 pounds. Here, you want me to get the paddle? 200 pounds also. She, Johnny, she can't even keep herself up. Use the paddle.

This is like when an, when, uh, up north when an orca approaches like a small fishing boat. The same feeling of like dread. And foreboding that you have. That's how I feel right here when she's floating around. Well, this is the black creature from the lagoon Do you know They're not getting her out these women are handing her an oar Boyster out She's gonna tip them over. How did this happen?

I-I-I have so many questions How did this- how did this woman end up in this situation? Fuck this kayak Yeah, I got the kayak! Slip it up! AHAHAHA And then she died right there and she fell off Okay

Well Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Alright. What do you have? Fat Watch? Saved by the belly fat. Oh, okay. It pierced the skin. The stray bullet struck her right in the stomach. It pierced the skin, but- This is a woman who got shot, but she was so fat

She survived the shooting. I think these are all like fucking Bullshit fucking it's like Darman level shit. Oh, yeah entered her body fat Yeah, I layer the fat absorbed more of the bullets energy like a cushion and by the time it hit deeper tissue I think I was in an episode of man series where they determined how fat you'd have to be to stop a bullet Fuck I might have worn a fat suit for it. That's cool. Yeah Wearing a fat suit cool being a fat suit not not cool Dr. Sinod, okay, what you got? What you got? The real doctor wrote and I can't believe it

Okay, what you got? What you got? The real doctor wrote it and I can't believe it. My... okay, this is a thing that he sent in. My grandmother, this woman says my grandmother passed away last month. My grandfather was pretty broken up at the funeral. So I went to go sit with him. And he leaned over and said, A lot of big ladies here, huh? (*snickers*)

Fatphobic. even during grief. Yeah. Maybe that's how he was dealing with it. Yeah, that'll be how my funeral goes when my wife dies. It's gonna be a lot of fat jokes. Learning to love my bee belly. Uh oh. Okay. This is my first time wearing a string bikini in public, she says.

Fat women just love to... They love to take pictures of themselves in their string bikinis. It went from stunning and brave to just stunning. Yeah. I'm at a loss for words. This is my first time wearing a string bikini in public. And she's like swallowing her head. She's so embarrassed.

You know, all the way back. She's trying to do a forward-facing Ouroboros for us. Because I am still learning to love my B belly? What the fuck is a B belly? Well, her A belly got so big that it went over to a B belly. Yeah. Sea belly's up next. Yeah. Body confidence isn't a destination you reach but instead a journey. We're ultimately always on

Mmm. I hear see journey. Yeah, you're right And for me loving my bee belly what the fuck is a bee belly? She have multiple bellies. Yeah her big ass belly. Let's make a deal. You want this one or? Those big ass cheeseburgers from the gas station? Is one of those roads that's definitely taking a little longer.

Having the opportunity to wear this when surrounded by a group of beautiful plus size folk. Ah, come on, man I hear journey and I see the word folk in there too who are also pushing themselves out of their comfort zone However was an incredible reminder that fat bodies are capitalized a RT a Repugnant trait is that an acronym? Mm-hmm A repugnant trait? Is that an acronym? Mm-hmm.

Fab parties are A-R-T. What could she have mean by A-R-T? A ravioli tray? A raspberry turnover? Fab parties are a raspberry turnover. Yeah, that must be what it is. Already really tired? Uh... Fat bodies are a real turn-off. That's what it means.

A reminder that fat bodies are a real turn-off. Spelled in all caps, because it really is. Okay. Thanks for that. Fat watch a woman almost doesn't fit through a cave. Okay Steve. Big person in the tiny screen. Must be a... That's an interesting hobby for a fat woman. Spelunking. Yeah. I'm gonna go spelunking on my weight loss body loving journey. Oh, sorry, on my body loving journey. I'm gonna go on arts spelunking.

My journey has, they're all on a fucking journey, these fat bitches. That's what I'm saying. It's all that buzzword bullshit. It's like, oh, someone just took a bunch of your money, so now you're on a journey. Yeah. Well, you know, I reframed my mindset into a grindset,

and now this growth, and it's like, shut up. Now the growth is feeding my- That'sed my mindset into a grind set and now this growth, and it's like, shut up. Now the growth is feeding my- That's a growth mindset. That's a growth body set too. This is a growth mindset. Oh, I see. My journey has opened up the world to me a little more.

Mammoth cave. Does that mean like she's the mammoth and- I was gonna say it's a reference to her asshole, yeah. Like man versus food the mammoth and those versus cave asshole? Yeah, like man versus food mammoth versus cave national park live life big. Huh? See, I would think that spelunking caving would be low on the list of activities for fat women. But then when I look at the other activities, I think I don't know. Maybe wait, I'm okay like bicycling. for fat women but then when I look at the other activities I think I don't know maybe

wait I'm okay like bicycling they can't do that they can't do that but benching they can't do sitting down they can't do that no but her last uh hashtag live life big that's she just reformed the taco bells live moss right yeah live moss the taco bell commercial trying to live moss right yeah live moss the Taco Bell commercial to live moss man that this is living moss she almost fell over backwards and fucking oh my okay where's the sound why is this not making sound that's making No, let's make it sound. Oh, I have my headphones off. Right. She's, uh, the caving that she's terrified of is the stairs, getting down to the cave. Because if the stairs break, they're not getting her back up. She's going to go tumbling down.

She's going to fall straight to China. She's going to be a human, uh... What's that machine? The Rochambeau machine? Yeah, oh yeah. Rube Goldberg machine. One fat woman can turn any group of people into a Rube Goldberg machine. It's like all those forklift accident videos, right?

Someone knocks one pallet over and then the whole warehouse comes... Mm-hmm. Uh... accident videos right someone knocks one palette over and then the whole warehouse comes she's freaking out my question is is will she have enough leg strength to get all the way back to fuck up those stairs? They have an elevator. If they don't, that's going to be- They're in trouble. They're going to have to build a new society. They're going to have to put a Curves down there or something.

They're going to have to take away some Curves. So she's already stuck. She's going down sideways. Look at these little itty bitty stairs that they're going down. Is this how the caverns were in New Mexico? Did he say is this how the caverns were made? How were they? Yeah.

How they were in New Mexico. So she's got a habit of going to these caverns just to make a spectacle. And ruin people's like family trips. You know what it is? You know? Is she heard some guy got stuck and had to eat his arm off. She said, oh, that sounds delicious. I got to get off.

What's this about eating? She keeps trying to reach into things. He ate a whole arm? Sign me up. How do I get stuck in a spelunking sort of thing? She's looking for stuck hikers to eat their arms off. Hahahaha! Why else would she go caving so much?

Hehehehehe! Did you hear about the guy that ate his arm off? Where was he? Did he just have his other arm? She rubs her belly and burps and a whole arm bone comes flying out. She got a bib, ties a napkin, a Tony Romas napkin around her neck. So is anybody feeling stuck? She has a camelback full of barbecue sauce. She fucking...

Mmm. The guy's like, hey, I'm just using the bathroom over here. Oh, I thought you were stuck. Oh damn it I almost got me you were there for a while. Are you sure you're not stuck cuz I'll eat that arm I'll eat the shit out of that arm Anybody feeling jammed Oh God damn it. Yeah, that's what she's doing. She why was she in New Mexico doing that? Why is she over here in Mammoth Cave doing this?

Why doesn't I mean wouldn't she have the same experience like just walking around like a Mall of getting stuck in doorways and stuff or going going on an airplane She had the same experience getting on an airplane to go to New Mexico. She's looking for skinny people who get stuck. Yeah. She has to eat them to grow in size. Looking delicious. It's a rogue-like RPG for her. Matt, is this what hell looks like?

Where did I get myself into? Let's see why you have to be. Oh my god. The ass is almost too fat. I mean, you're head is too god. Your ass is almost too fat. I mean, your head is too fat. Yeah. It almost can't fit in a human place.

It's not... It's too fat. Your ass is too fat. It was too fat. Both you and your ass are too fat. It was too fat outside of you and your ass are too fat. It was too fat outside of the cave. Now it's too fat to fit in a industrial shelving walkway catwalk.

They're gonna have to dig through your ass to get to the cave again. Almost too fat. We're gonna have to call another fat lady to come eat her ass out of the... Hahahaha! She's probably eyeing the other fat women like, Oh, you're here to eat arms too? No! I call dibs.

I call, yeah, I got that family over there. Slurp! Mmm! Slurp! Fuck! Slurp! She's getting forked like a steak knife. In a bit, yeah.

Mmm. Like an old wood knife Right, yeah Like from Outback Fucking ridges on the head Yeah, ridges Oh damn it Guys The Fat Watch Spectacular

Weight Watchers is gonna be Thursday. We're renting fat suits for it. Yes. Okay. We're gonna breathe heavily into the mic. We're gonna... I'm too tall.

I'm too fat. Wow. Some honesty, finally. There's so many stairs. There's five stairs. Yeah. There's so many stairs. There's five stairs. Yeah.

I think we misheard her. She said, I want so many eclairs. Oh, uh, by the way, this is this tour that she's on is a leisurely, family, walking tour of a subterranean cave network. Here's a challenge for one of the listeners out there. If any of you are a tour guide in the national park, call in with your fat horror stories. We'd love to hear them. Because you know a tour guide is, you know, whoever's group this is is like, Oh Jesus fucking Christ, like neither,

and you know there's one of them who's dealt with so many fucking fat people like this. Yeah. And it's like, Oh, call Jerry up like, and Jerry's like, Oh God, again. Man, I couldn't believe that, that fat couch at the hospital. That's, that's insane. And she was full on like, she was here, her Chick-fil-A was next to her and her lymphedema was probably,

was a three seater, you know? Lymphedema up on the last. Well yeah, how else is she supposed, so she can rest her Chick-fil-A on, so she can eat it. One handed, ah. Fuck man, why am I in the same room as this person? she can rest her chick-fil-a on so she can eat it. One-handed, ah. Fuck, man. Why am I in the same room as this person?

That's the craziest part. That's the craziest part. You mean I'm somehow in a bracket with this fat tub of shit? Nah. Nah. We gotta do a presidential fitness test. Fitness building.

Yeah, if you can fit in this mammoth cave, you're welcome Guess what guys more steps. She's like guess what guys my heart's about to give out Tomb Raider XL. Mm-hmm. You're looking at here. Oh God typed in the code for big ass If she stops he might walk up her ass without even knowing it Richard gear style You might get lodged up her ass Wow He gets like ooh this cave stinks all of a sudden must be a sulfur pocket must be walking behind this Like he's following way too close. Maybe he has a telescoping zoom on his lens.

Right. Well, either that or yeah, he could be two miles behind her. We wouldn't know. There's a sense of scale. I'm too happy about the future today after that Asmongold Nick Fuentes thing. Well, and after, you know, I'm... We've got you fucking people surrounded and divided. Boris and Natasha are back on the case, man.

And we're gonna fucking kill you. Mm-hmm. It's a boost on mass. You got separated, you fucked up, and now you're done. Mm-hmm. You all got split up. I saw somebody, some idiot online the other day talking about, well, the Democratic candidates aren't even talking about trans rights anymore. Like,

get on the train. Get your ass in the train. Yeah, that's what we need the high speed rail for. Where's this high speed rail train going? Is it going to Vegas? Nope. Yep. It's where's the size be real train going is it going to Vegas nope yep It's going straight to the middle of the fucking ocean. It's going right to the Sun It's going straight to alligator Alcatraz dude that blew me away Everyone's like could you believe that like this high speed rail thing like why the fuck do we need that we don't? We're not a country of public transportation Especially like how I'm waiting too far. There's nothing between here in Vegas There's nothing between here and saying in San Francisco. Well, I fuck everyone who wants to go to San Francisco

Yeah, let them pay for gas fuck them Yeah, I'm gonna pay for that shit Well, the thing is I saw it was like it's supposed to take 36 hours to go from California And I'm like I have to sit on this fucking thing and go to every stop between here. Yeah. Like, fuck that. There's a train from here to, like, where my parents live. I don't take the fucking train. I went on the train all of twice in LA.

First time was bad. Second time was worse. And I said, OK, I'm not going to risk it. I've learned the rule of threes. I'm not going on this again. I'm not gonna risk it. I've learned the rule of threes. I'm not going on this again I'm not gonna die on this train My brother-in-law got a self-driving Tesla, dude. I was about this close to buying Tesla right then it's like this is Fucking this self-driving shit is next level man I can just sit in here and dick around and goes well you can't stick around cuz it tracks your eyes

I'm like I'll just draw eyes on my eyes. What do you mean tracks? I you see how they're fooling this shit some inspector gadget shit You just got your eyes closed and drew eyes on your eye. No gadget eyes Yeah, and I'll little visor comes down. I'll put a print out ahead Put it on my head like this. Mm-hmm. I Can't get over this Sighting here. Yeah. That is... That's a lot of ass. That's a lot of ass. Man. Well it's like a what's the expression you're gonna need a

bigger ass for all this shit? Really? I think. Is that an expression? Okay, let's see. I thought this was her for a second. Right. Oh, let it walk. Oh, let it walk through the key. She's bending all the stairs on the way back up. And then when she gets to the bottom they seal it in. They tricked her into tricking the fat women into getting into these silos You mean walking 700 700 steps like stairs Wow, huh?

Hmm. I don't know about that. 700 steps. How many steps in one floor? 20? Yeah. 20 steps? It's 35. You went up 35 floors? Maybe. What she left out though is it took her a month and a half to do this journey. Yeah. Person in the Chinese trees and it's hot. Mammoth cave national park.

Oh, she ate shit right here. All right, let's see this lady. Glitter and lasers. Oh Nellie, look at this, kaboom. She's jumping into a pool at SeaWorld Umm Well this is an Olympic sized swimming pool Oh is it? It's an Olympic sized ass

Oh my god look at that splash Not a drop of water left in the pool It's overflowing the sides now OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Man that's a some power dude that's a Fred Flintstone ass powerful thighs if you put that bitch in a stone car she could get in a flywheel you know like in a fucking corn grinder like Fred Flintstone has she could get that shit moving this bitch just jumped just jumped a piano This four inches off the ground Jesus Christ

Yes, she kickflip she can shot put a pumpkin across a football feet Jesus Jesus H Christ Jesus hopped hopped up Christ. Oh my god Wow oh let me let's get this jump let's get this jump okay and just an incredible amount of weight let's see if she let's see how far she dips down for this jump Not barely That's crazy This is all calf strength. I did I'm just imagining some like wacky racist type shit where she's like driving Trying to jump it now. Wait a minute Johnny. Let me let me let me prepare something for you. All right

I'm gonna this is what I'm doing now. I'm doing I'm preparing things here. I need a separate browser for this No, I don't want that Stream yard. I don't want to connect to veto right now Red Fred Flintstone come on What is this shit, okay Fred Flintstone What is this shit? Okay? Fred

Flintstone Ass sound oh when Accelerating there it is oh You know the sound that I'm talking about boy. Do I okay, okay? Here we go don't I don't want to play it. I don't want to play it yet. Okay here we go Okay here we go, I don't wanna play it, I don't wanna play it yet. Okay, here we go. Okay, here we go. Ready? Oh damn it, damn it, damn it! Go back, go back.

No, no, no, no, no! Alright, hold on, hold on. Here we go. No, no, no, no, no! Alright, hold on, hold on. Here we go. Yeah. Damn it. Alright.

She doesn't really run. I need that off. Yeah. Okay. There we go. Boing! That's what it needs. Alright, nevermind.

Alright, everybody. That's the show. I All right, nevermind. All right, everybody. Ahem. That's the show. I'm just blown away by that. Whew. Never ending. Never ending parade. The ride never ends. Fat never ends.

Mr. Bones, I would like to get off this wild ride. I'm gonna look at some of those veto comments after this theme song, just one or two. We have to. Yeah, we have to. We owe it to the people. ["Dick Hicks"] Nick Pueyntas is unstoppable now.

They tried to, they should have killed him. When they had the chance. When they had the chance. They should have killed him. When they had the chance. When they had the chance. They should have killed him. But that time is over. It's gone. His generation hates Trump because he's not right wing enough. Mmhmm.

And my generation is going to let them do whatever they want. Cause they earned it. And I just want the kids to have fun. So whatever they wanna do. Boomers talking about how high mortgage rates were when they were buying their first house. That will be a felony. Well, Boomers will be a felony.

Boomers will be a felony, yeah. You could quiz them in the street. Can I see your papers? Which favorite, have you ever heard the song, Margaritaville? Yeah, I love that song, dad. How many words do you know? That's how many bullets we'll use.

That's how, yeah. Go ahead, start singing. And Margaritaville's one of the words, too. Yeah, do you know the song Margaritaville? No. But you said no. A person who didn't know the song would say, what's that?

What are you talking about? What are you talking about? So you're guilty. Yeah. Dead. No, I didn't know about Margaritaville. No such thing. I hate that song.

Ah! Ah, yeah. You knew about it. So you've heard it. Yeah Biggest problem I don't know why everyone's so afraid that the show's gonna end why would I I'm not Are you crazy dick shows up every week shows fucking hilarious show? It's fucking hilarious. It's hysterical. Look at how many comments it has. Look at this shit. No thanks. 400 comments. Jesus. Why would I ever end this show? Newest, okay, newest first. Aud audition new co-hosts Buy the shirt Edo. Oh man Vito is fat

This show can be wrapped up real quick dick is done with Vito Vito is delusional The comic will never come out and people got scammed out of money Vito doesn't care about scamming people Yeah, That's just I mean that's what he says Mhm Somebody on Indiegogo reported him cause he told them like He was something- he was shitty to them Yeah

So they went and reported him Cause... You can't exhaust people's good will man That's not a good idea You should be grateful that you- like Again, this comes from someone who clearly has never worked like a job in his life It's like dude. You mean you could just show up and have fun You could stand on the scale for extra money and get a toy even yeah They don't even give you like stickers of the doctors anymore, man. Yeah, what do you mean stand on the scale?

You have to stand on the scale for that too for free what the frick is this art Vito why that's fucking I don't want to hear any art anything from him anymore dick read my comment from a few episodes ago about wanting more humanity in my shows. I guess the lesson is about be careful with- oh yeah, yeah. Uh... Bro, you called his wife? Dude. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Dude, he looks extremely lucky he hasn't gotten the fuck beat out of him! HAHAHAHA! Well, it wasn't like he just called once. It's like, she's at work doing like what Again like bro people have jobs you have holes. I thought she was at home like I don't give a fuck yeah Hi, uh Vito. I don't know about anybody else, but I love you I know you're a smart guy you provide a service by milking comedy and entertainment out of this 40 year old burnout Oh, okay, mm-hmm, so do the best you can to protect and ensure your paycheck. Oh, there you go. Hey, they said you're only 40

That was nice. It's nice of them two compliments to two nice compliments All veto all dick wants for veto is to stop pissing off paying customers for the show. Yeah, no shit That's it Cuz he wants the show to make money and veto fighting with paying customers because the show, yeah, no shit, that's it. Cause he wants the show to make money. And Vito fighting with paying customers cause the fans that pay, causes the fans that pay money to leave. Oink oink, you live in a pig's side cause you're a pig.

Holy crap, Vito really doesn't understand that Dick views this as strictly business and not some side project with his bosom buddy. Vito, I want us to be friends. Dude, There are plenty of successful acts where everyone completely despises each other But they do the I mean just you just have to stop arguing with online Yeah, like it doesn't have to be fucking Fleetwood Mac like you don't have to like You know you don't have to all hate each other and then show up and still make a good record, but Once there's a lock for the nursery room. I'm sure Vito will be allowed back in the studio

Skizzer Vito was rude and arrogant when I respectfully asked for a refund for Superkiller And he blocked me on the platform former known as Twitter I even sent a message to the biggest problem universe like Vito said to do on the show multiple times And I've gotten no response Yeah that I've got a lot of that. Like, I asked for a refund and I didn't get it. And then he says, well, just send it to me. Yeah.

Ugh. Last I checked, you can't send messages through Bolatro. Hahaha. Uh, this is my last month of being a paid member after canceling it. Oh, that's too bad. Are you still a DICKSHOW patron member? That's good!

We're gonna get a great Fat Watch bonus episode for you this week. This is why you never date a left-wing chick. Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh. Uh, Vito Refu- Oh my goodness.

That's a lot of words. This is too many words. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Alright, chat, GPT, fucking... Oh, man. This is too many words. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. All right, chat, GPT fucking... Oh, man. This is too much effort. Maybe sum it up next time. Oh, well, let's see.

Vito refuses to see the larger picture. This is generally a part of his argumentation style in the show, which tends to infuriate Dick when it comes to politics. Dick will try to explain something in perspective, and Vito tries to nitpick and chip away at small parts without understanding the overall point. Perhaps this has a place when arguing politics when you're trying to break down the foundations of someone's argument to show that their conclusion is faulty, but when dealing with relationships and emotion this framework doesn't work well. I don't accept this framing that Dick has set improper boundaries.

Um... I don't think it matters. All humans are... okay. I don't think it matters all humans. Okay. I don't want to this is such a long whole college Oh Okay, here we go. Seriously veto stop letting people walk all over you Let me get my hiking gear Yeah, my yodeling equipment.

Don't let them decide who or what you are. Don't let Dick treat you like shit. Don't internalize his BS attacks on you. He is using you hard. Oh, we found Maddox's burner account. Oh, they replied also again. That's usually the mark of a sane person is double emails. See they all exhibit this behavior don't they? Multiple. You didn't reply in five seconds I have to send it to you again. I'm gonna

comment multiple times on this YouTube video. How strange. Vito stop placating Dick. Stop allowing him to walk all over you don't accept his attacks on your comics Don't accept are they maybe this is satire Don't accept his attacks on your comics. Okay looks or anything else This guy's fun. Yeah, he's doing it. He's doing a bit. I like this guy now dick comes off this as a total a Asterix asterix hole. Hmm. And what is he an afk hole AFK hole? Yeah, an a one two hole like I've never heard that term but wild card means anything man. It could be yeah Tt hole there. Yeah a Tt hole

And he can use his self-confidence to prey on you. Yeah. I'm, that's what you do when you prey on somebody. Never contact me again. Yeah. Because he knows you are an introvert and can't easily fend for yourself. Dick, you are a real piece of work.

Climb off your high horse. Get real. And stop being such a dick. If you don't want to be friends with Vito and have a show with him, then leave. Make your own show with someone else. Treating him like this is beyond the pale. You might have a better radio personality and voice That doesn't make you a better person treating a co-host like this publicly is disgusting It's hard to tell It is hard to tell if it's if they're joking in it well again man it's

like you've told them explicitly multiple times ah so much you can do man yeah try things once and then if it doesn't work quit okay you know don't try it again mm-hmm okay yeah but like how can I fix this, you know? I just want to fix this. Uhhh... Can we please stop the Crybaby episodes? Eh. Oh, here's another anti-me one. Vito is flawed but genuine.

Dick is flawed and fake. There's a long list of people who Dick pushed out of his life. Who did I push out of my life? Because he's obviously the problem. Dick acts like talking to your friend's wife is a crime. That's dumb. Oh, fuck. Okay.

Everybody go call this guy's wife right now. You know, it's really, um... It's a bother for them. Your wife doesn't want to talk to your friends or anyone you like talk to. Well, and that, and it's like, now you already have to hear from your wife today, right? Yeah, you're giving her a reason to tell me something.

Right, and it's going to be a complaint. Why is Vito calling, you know, it's like, oh no. Why did this happen? Yeah. I don't know. He's got be a complaint. Why is Vito calling, you know, it's like, oh no. Why did this happen? Yeah. I don't know. He's got a broken brain. Dick acts like talking to your friend's wife is a crime. That's dumb and unhinged behavior.

Behavior? Dick cries anytime someone mentions his personal life on the show. But he berates Vito for his life every episode. Yeah his life is fucked. Well I was gonna say the thing is is like there's nothing you're doing that's hampering you from showing up every week, putting a show on, two shows on you know it's like yeah he can play like it'd be one thing if you're like wow you know it's just like all I'm doing is all these things except the thing I'm supposed to be doing, and I can't figure out why it's not working for me.

It's like, well, that's why it's not working. Like, yeah, but I just still can't. It's like, okay, you're done. Dick frequently slows the show to a halt for no reason and then blames Vito for it. Dick makes fun of Vito's weight. Oh, it's a fat person. Fatty detected. Baa, baa, Fatty detected. Baa! Baa! Fatso detected. Brrrr! Cue up the

fucking foghorn sounds. Baa! Baa! Baa! Baa! Baa! Baa! Baa! Baa! Dick makes fun of Vito's weight, but God forbid Vito mentioned Dick's alcoholism is out of control And I was so excited to grab a fucking beer and there was nothing I'm diet coke Yeah, you raging alcoholic. Can you believe there's not a good God forbid Vito mentions sex alcoholism? Yeah, my hands are shaking on the way in I'm like, oh, I gotta go to Dick's house. I can't wait. Vito has his flaws, but he's being gaslit every episode over Dick's blatant hypocrisy. Hypocrisy does seem to be a big thing for some people and that seems to be why he's so confused. Even Sean didn't stick around. Yeah, Sean stuck around for 10 years and then said that's it

Totally had nothing to do with both of our industries collapsing Like I got it sorry, but I got a I can't do this anymore It's just like not being allowed to do the thing you've spent your whole life doing you know Just like not being allowed to do the thing you've spent your whole life doing you know Something that he didn't even really love to you know yeah, he was just the best at it And so it's like you know you do it you do it as a service to other people. It droves Sean No, you're right. We should have been doing it for 10,000 years. Mm-hmm. That's that's normal. Yeah Even Sean didn't stick around dick Dick does, Dick just does the show for money. But he actively does his hardest to push everyone away. Who's everyone?

Dude, you've really been pushing me away, man. I know, I'm a fucking idiot. You know, we got to air it out on this show. You just, you know, having me back every week and still wanting to do, you know, it's like... Mao's a bong. If there existed video footage of me talking about this way, talking this way about another man, I'd kill myself out of embarrassment. Yeah.

Yeah. You'd think, Jerry Mack, you'd think if Vito made thousands of dollars from these weekly shows, he would spend a mild amount of money relatively to have a decent camera. Yeah, you would think of you know, 200 bucks Have a good camera have some lights. It's got a $900 Mike, dude Let people take won't take literally one person up on the offer to fix the mic

Yeah, no, I've said it before on here, too. He's more than welcome to hit me up anytime But that requires effort. Mm-hmm But that requires effort. Mm-hmm. Uh... The biggest lie in any comment? Vito, everything's gonna be okay. Okay. You don't have to lie to people like that, man. Doherty's...

It's interesting watching him shift to subtly threatening to stop the show after he doesn't get his way. What's even the point anymore? Why is this so hard for you? He oinks, doin' walling. You're not gaslighting your way into a friendship, you butchered, Jesus. Oh.

Gets paid, doesn't deliver the product, people don't like him now, doesn't refund, passive aggressively asks for answers, talks over them. Lot of great, you know, lot of great feedback on this list Everyone's been able I see many commenters have been able to succinctly You know to say what's going on? Yeah, and he's like, yeah, but I don't you didn't tell me directly Yeah, you didn't make it clear enough. I deeply respect you as a man what?

Everything coming out of his mouth so What? Hahahaha Crazy work Hahahaha Cri- Everything coming out of his mouth So Kinda like how Kanye's been ramping it Or Ye rather Yeah Dead name But he um

The way he's been ramping it up lately Oh has he? Well oh you're like was right? Yeah Um Similarly you know it's like Last episode comes out and it's like Wow Vito's telling everyone

He's just fucking chooch and Peter's like It's nobody's business Oh yeah! oh yeah now this is even gayer than that yeah that's true this is so far off the deep end it's a hard part to gay harder talking over the Titanic he should have been like dog well first I he shouldn't even gotten to any of that he should have showed up on camera and you'd be like you look a little dark, and then came out, turned it up super bright, and been Mr. Showman Vito.

But nope. Vito, you're being given extremely clear answers. He said, don't fight with fans online. Block everybody that stresses you out. Don't bother Dick with internet drama. Come on with high energy. Finish your comic book. Make songs for Voted Up.

Every one of those is a totally clear action item So when you hear them and just keep saying you don't understand I understand why dick says it's not productive to have a conversation with you. Mm-hmm. Yeah Reminds me of Breaking Bad except Walter isn't a genius and Jesse isn't crying constantly I don't know why though. The Sonic Show. Vito just wants to be friends again and Dick has removed Vito from every aspect of his life and is only doing this show for the fans. There will never be a podcast dynamic like this again. Oh, but there was and there will. Yeah.

Uh, Vito's gonna sue Dick. Okay. Well, we're doing a bonus episode on Monday too, so. Yeah. Oh, here's one! Here's another anti-me, okay. Hyped. Hyped them threads. I love how it's all Vito's fault with the show and lack of energy, but Dick never posts bonus episodes nor makes any effort to produce content for this show, and then blames everything on Vito. Dick has blocked me on Twitter for calling him a retard. Oh, I can't believe that that happened to you. And yet Vito has to lay there and hear oink piggy oink every day.

Well, this guy's making sure he's hearing oink piggy oink every day by putting it in a comment like You're no better cry harder Masterson and Maybe put some effort into the show It's more than just screaming and saying dumb shit glazing. Okay Trump. It's a Trump thing I've found another fat person Dick is a moron. Higgy. Vito is 100% right. Do what I say,

not what I do. Or I'll cry like a bitch. Wow. Oh, he had several more. Also, his stupid lie about noise is stupid. He has a baby and still everyone else on the planet over, including the other show.

Don't come to my house or I'm calling the cops. People are allowed to go to your house moron. And that's a quote from me. Yeah, people are illegally allowed to go to your house. That's, uh... Well, this is a very coherent set of three comments, so, you know. Really got... Yeah, really got the, uh... High IQ guys. Okay, goodbye everybody. That's enough.

Mmm... Bop! Ba-da-bop-ba! Bop! Bada bop ba! Pfft! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha!

Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha!

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Hahahaha!