The Dick Show - Episode 471 - Dick on Walking Into Heaven

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

Some classy AI funeral videos, the WNBA puts up a dildo net, Jon Breaks Bad News calls in about a woman's death, Karl Hamberger is sued for $600,000 by Stuttering John, student loans, the war on weed never ends, ego death, and witches on Etsy making bank; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

uh you ever live the same fucking day every day for two months oh i have a month i don't even know what day i don't even know how long i've been stuck in this fucking time loop you look like you've been stuck in the time loop i've been stuck in it too so it's okay you've been stuck in a time loop too you think you could just kill me i'm trying somebody yeah you you figure out pick somebody to kill kill them don't tell me

make it look like an accident I'm gonna say me because I'm being recorded but you know right use your judgment randomize it I don't tell me

how you did it I don't want to know my dad my dad broke my dog the dog stayed with my dad for a week who let that happen

well we had no choice. Oh, man. You should. I wanted the dog to say with my mom, but unfortunately, my parents, you know, are still happily married after all these years, 50 years. So, dad comes with it. Man, that's like... And now my dog's like, it's like a begging dog before we would eat and she would just hit the deck, right?

I trained her to, when we eat, hit the deck and maybe I'll give you one or two like fucking dog pretzels or whatever the shitty little treats that they eat. Because they can't taste anyway. They don't have taste buds. So they're smelling your food and they're thinking they're eating your food. And even though they're eating like, you know, little chalk, little pieces of rocks, you know? They don't give a shit. And that was a great system. But I leave my dog with my dad for one, for maybe, I think it was just one week.

We weren't ready to get her back with the baby. I'm like, I still don't know how to fucking do this with the baby. I'm not ready for the dog yet. but I'll be honest with you we can't leave that dog any longer with my dad sometimes she'll come back she's fat as a house because she's been out back eating apples for a week straight

she's got a fucking apple orchard in his backyard I don't know why they make little tiny apples it's like your apples suck dude every year he brings over a bag of apples and they're all like not you know non-GMO apples they're like apples that maybe cavemen ate and say oh this is this is a

This is a good, this is a good fruit. Let's make it better over 10,000 years, right? My dad's got the original, original apple with no flavor. Like, what the fuck is this a cactus? Why is it so hard? They could break a window with this thing. I wouldn't throw this in someone's head. Dog loves them, though. Apples and rabbit shit. This time she came back, fucking like a bum in Vegas that here's a pack of cigarettes getting opened. You know those bums in Vegas? Boy, do I. Man, they could hear that cellophane rapper. Sometimes I just go to Vegas with cellophane in my pocket. And I'll go around crinkling it, you know? And the bums. Hey, can I, can I get a smoke of you?

I'm a miss other than I. It's just like, ah, ha, ha. It's just cellophane, you fucking asshole, because they hear it. It's always self-referential with them, right? Could I bum a smoke? Could I bum a smoke? Like, all right, you got me. Here you go.

What did you say? Can I bum a smoke? my dog came back just begging, begging, begging, and then my dad came over to play with the baby and he's eating lunch that he brought and I see him walking around

with a bag of chips and he's throwing chips at the dog I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? You ruined the dog. Now the dog's like, what are you thinking? Why would you do that? And then he says,

he says, well, I saw that, he says, you know that movie as good as it gets? I said, yeah. And he goes, well, you know how that guy made the dog, the dog loved him because you'd always give him his food. And I'm like, that movie, everyone hates that guy because of his behavior.

Yeah, he's a huge ass. He's a huge asshole. That's not supposed to be an instructional film. It's supposed to be a sad story of a piece of shit that goes around affecting everyone's life in the negative with no, because of selfish reasons. What do you mean? He's like, yeah, because I thought that was cool.

What do you mean you thought that was cool? Your dad picking up the most your dad Let's see Oh, yeah just for a second Okay Or it's still recorded but headphones What are you thinking? No one likes that guy

Because he ruins other people's dogs Now every time I eat Which is like already stressful Because I'm holding the baby People are bringing me really amazing food And they're going all out but it's stuff like you know spaghetti and I'm like all right well I gotta

hold the baby I gotta hold the baby like this because I don't want to drop I don't want to give the baby a Harry Potter spaghetti scar go wow are you the chosen one and he's like no my dad just couldn't resist feeding dumping spaghetti into his fat face when I was three weeks old so I have a permanent scar

like Tupperware oh shit I dropped spaghetti in the shape of a swastika on your forehead sorry about that the chosen son man So now I got the dog fucking clawing at me This other hand And the other hand

Well you got to let that be a warning to you man You can't leave your kid over there at some point You're gonna come back No one with soda is and shit Yeah Yeah no shit Papa gave me a bag of Pandulses What? Oh he's gonna vaccinate him too

Papa was showing me how to paint with pastels Oh Dios meo I got to pick what vaccines we're getting now Maybe if I just Go to sleep I'll wake up and everything will be all right I get mad

I get Yeah Welcome to Dick You want Dick, you need Dick, you love Dick, you got it The show! It's a show! Ribs the Contestowning you live from Mountain Bunker Deep In the heart of the city of failure, I'm your host, Dick host Dick Masterson joining me as always

Johnny Audio engineer What's up man How's it going man Hey a very successful A certain secret organization Yeah I have no idea what you're talking about Met me either

Met this but if they did meet This past week A certain secret organization Clandestine organization Um The Brotherhood of the Weight Watchers Huh Met last week

And it was a very successful Very well received to clandestine meeting that didn't happen. Right. Thank you for, thank anyone who was there. Right. Obviously not you for being part of that. Of course.

That was at work all week. Vinnie Paulino obviously was not a part of it. Taylor from PCA was not a part of it. Carl, Carl, who's getting sued now? He should have been a part of it. Carl's really watching the weight now. Ooh, Weight Watchers, Patreon.com slash the dick show.

Check it out. Very successful. I'm going to really Al Bundy it up next time. Cool. We're going full. I mean, you know, whoever is in charge of that organization. I'm going to sue Weight Watchers, actually,

for infringing on our trademark. Kick them while they're down. Yeah. Kick them while they're fat. It's for your health. We do it for your health. It's for her health, yeah. Carl is getting sued by

stuttering John. Is that not the most? Is that not the funniest thing, man? It is. Carl getting sued by Stuttering John for making fun of him, for I guess playing some audio that Stuttering John was trying to fuck this young girl, and she recorded it because she's fucking with him. Obviously, no one wants to fuck Stuttering John.

It's great because it's extra great, because we're at the end of another streak of Vita War, and Vito's like lionizes and loves Howard Stern and now Carl is legit in Howard Stern history sued by stuttering him and Shulie

got sued by stuttering John for $600,000 or $600,000 or $600,000 beers I don't I don't know which one Yeah both of which he would go through pretty quickly Pretty quickly

And And his lawyer, I don't know if people know this yet, but if you do a Google search for Stuttering John's lawyer, he went to prison for three years for drunkenly running over a bicycle man, a family, a father of a bunch of girls who was riding his bicycle, he got shit-faced and ran over a, which is, you know, it's great. So, Carl better watch out because he's dealing with a real, the real real. It's the jury's fault for convicting him. Yeah. Did they not know that he ran over a bicycler? Like, I don't know. It's a miscarriage of justice, clearly.

True. That one slipped through the cracks, I think. Um, so Carl, Carl has his work cut out for him. He's being sued by a hero. Um, and of course, stuttering John, who's a, who's an icon. Mm-hmm. Um, I wouldn't want to be, I wouldn't want to be in those crosshairs. Bad day to be Carl, man.

I'm sorry, Carl But It's his turn It's your turn Eventually you make fun of too many people And One of them costs you 30 grand

Or whatever It's gonna end up If you were planning On doing anything with that money That's too bad Too bad for you What the hell was that sound Oh yeah

John breaks bad news I mean this shit it's just impossible it's just impossible join now um the beer fridge has fallen

I don't want you to look at it Johnny but I don't look I saw you looking to it and say don't look I'm retarded you know I'm gonna fucking fall for it don't look at it when I point to it you don't want to look at what's in there

don't look at what's in there don't look I'm trying real hard Don't look at it The beer fridge that I don't want to turn into a pillar of salt You will turn into a Yeah you will turn into a pillar of salt

Or some other spice yeah Or some other spice The beer fridge has Become the milk fridge Ah Rome has fallen Rome has fallen And I

I put some beer in there today And it's just not It makes the beer the beer lesser drinking out of it I can just taste the milk I noticed you pulled these from the Yeti outside on your deck

Yeah there's no more No more beer in the house Absolute segregation of Well with the amount of You know milk that's flying around It's just not it's no longer appropriate Uh Talk about curses

My wife has these gigantic tits now from the baby and I'm so fucking tired living the same three hours over and over that I'm like every night I'm like oh man I can't wait to take these bad boys to the pound town you know

I can't wait to take these bad boys for a spin and then I hit the bed out right oh talk about talk about your all-time curse oh man back to window shopping man yes

oh from VH IP valued, you know, right this way, sir, to... Here we go. Finally something for the old man, right? Here we fucking go. Babies down, out. I wake up, oh. Another...

I wake up and I see that gravestone that Beavis never scored. What? Another titless night. No, no! Man. I'm like, I'm like a wolf of Wall Street crawling at those babies, you know?

Oh, come on. Out. Zelda 2 over here. What a horrible night to have a curse. Every night. It's a sick joke. It's a sick joke that God has played. It's a sick fucking joke.

Yeah, and on top of that, you're tired because you have to deal with a kid all day, too. So it's like a double curse. It is. You know, fingers are all, I'm like, let me get some wrist action on these babies. Fingers are all, you know, messed up. Come on. Let me get some The maladies are incoming

It's a nightmare So go to Go to patreon.com Slash the Dick Show To see the Weight Watchers Number One episode Johnny's getting a lot of flack For his audio

On that episode Well that's totally fun That was actually my first Live stream from home So it's a guy For something that I kind of threw together I'm surprised I was even able to hang that long

I fucked you over Because I said I was gonna help If you set it up beforehand And I should have known There was just no possible way That was gonna happen you know what half the fun of having a first episode the fact that it got such good reception is like okay cool people love that shit somebody wrote in and said their skinny wife loves it absolutely loves it this could be an all genders type of show my skinny girlfriend loved it so that's what i live for it's like you know we're bringing smiles to well the problem is right well the good thing is we're bringing smiles it's to women's faces which i don't know if we should be making them happy but Well

But skinny women It's okay I'll make an exception Because they're so rarely happy At any other time Let me tell you from personal experience That The skinniness

Somehow fries their brains And makes them cold Hungry all the time Can't pay attention Because their brains are being eaten By hunger You know Just

Like fucking They might as well be Ethiopian Fucking kids getting pecked to death By a vulture Right You're right The rest of their existence is so miserable.

At least I could do them one bit of entertainment. At least we could do is be Patch Adams for them. Can you imagine that? You wake up one day. Your wife has huge tits. Not a goddamn thing. You're stuck in, it's like a sleep paralysis.

It's like a, that's my sleep paralysis demon is my real wife with their huge tits. I'm like, oh, come on. Oh! And I'm moving my pinky over. Fucking Sandman's just doing a river dance right over your pillow. You're too tired

for those tits? What are you gay? I'm not gay! I'll show you gay! That's crazy, man. Sandals over there just calling you gay. I might get back on the amphetamines just for that shit. Maybe a cup, maybe a little bump. Maybe something. Just maybe some concern.

maybe not concert uh just like just a little just enough you know I love fighting with Vito because uh I so I so um stupendously lose all the fights with my son in every way that I love fighting with Vito because he's like a big

fat baby that I can win one with who knows English at least enough that all got resolved Vito showed up with great energy other Fridays episode was great man no kind of bullshit other kind stuff great loved it

see he's got it in him he does just got to really keep my he's got to dig far enough on him yes

you know and get the comic done uh get the comic out uh oh yeah let me see this the um

the the dildonets are up never would I have ever thought this would be a thing but it is a thing but it is a thing

there we go the dildo nets are live at the WNBA the dildo nets at first I thought they changed the regulation size of the net to make the games more exciting so they said well they can't hit the little

they can't hit this net let's make the net the size of the court if they're all if they're still missing the net yeah you know here's a layup whoops there goes there we go I guess they're thinking that maybe a penis can't fit through

a net this size but I'm pretty sure it can mine surely couldn't I don't know about everyone else but is there no top to the net I saw this I saw this dildo net at the WNBA game and I immediately thought of the Blues Brothers

when they're at that shit kicking bar and they put that stuff up and everybody starts throwing bottles, you know? Well, because now it presents a challenge. Because you're right. If there's no top on it, someone could just, you know... Yeah. Now all of a sudden you're seeing Olympic...

Olympic... Now I could throw Dildos as much as I want because I can't hit the players. Now I'm totally like... Now there's no problem with it because they arrested this poor kid and they're going to charge him with, like, felony masculinity, I think he's being charged with.

Could be worse And I look at that kid I'm like that could either be me or my son I really feel compelled to do something about it Yeah It could be mean That is hilarious what he did

It's funny It's mean It's mean-spirited And it's to people who are bad And who deserve it Yeah Women Women

Right We've got to do something about it that organization that clandestine organization should honestly go protest his court whatever signs and those little masks

I agree let me play a sound bite from from one of the from one of the dildos yeah here it is the janitor makes more money than me what's wrong with these

fucking ladies women then why I fucking do it why not just be a janitor yeah go be a janitor then I mean you clearly have you clearly aren't getting paid enough to clean up dildos so yeah

it must be a need for the janitor don't take out the fucking trash I'm the best in the world and I have to go to a communist country to get paid like a capitalist the fucking janitor in the arena made more than me the audacity the fucking janitor

the fucking janitor wow excuse me if I was the janitor I'd be pissed Yeah, I think I would lay off the mop for a night, you know? Oh, well, wow, the floor didn't get mopped out there. Well, slippery, I'd stay away from the three-point line if I were you guys. Maybe you got over-mopped. Maybe you got over-mopped.

I know those basketball courts are real finicky. Here we go, let's see here. I'm the best player in the world, and I have to go to a communist country to get paid like a capitalist. Playing in Europe during the WMBA's off-season, these women were going for seven or eight months. They were chasing their value. One time I came back and I was like, man, my parents have just gotten older and I've missed a big part of it. We weren't making that much money. So generational wealth was coming from going to Russia every year.

Generational what? Fuck, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Generational what? Did we just get buzzworded? Made nothing to play in a harder league in worst conditions against the best competition in the world. The fucking janitor at the arena made more than me. Can you believe that shit? The audacity of these

hos. The fucking janitor. Fucking janitor. This stupid cocksucker janitor made more than me. This worthless piece of shit man just picks up garbage made more than me. He'll be a woman too. Yeah, right. They'd have a whole parade for her.

That's the crazy part though. If a man was like, yeah, the fucking janitor gets paid more. I would be like, that guy was mean to the janitor. he's fucking, you know, he looks down on people... He threw a dildo at the janitor. Janitor should shut up, everyone's fucking ass talking about that. Like, what the fuck?

My favorite part is the... I was away from my parents and they got older. Yeah, like the passage of time. Yeah, like no man has ever said that. Oh, wow, I was out being amazing and I got back and I noticed that my parents were older. Like, no, we don't... You say that at their funeral.

I came back and my yard was overgrown. Find Jesus Have a family WNBA players There's no There's no need for all this dildo shenanigans I like the dildonet though That's cool

It is cool Let me see if I have more quotes Good day to be a paracord company Yeah Do you think they How do you think they found it? Did they search for dildonets? Look at this guy

Look at this poor kid. Aw, man. We got to do something for this guy. Come on. Caden Lopez. My hermano! Man. Caden Lopez, 18, appears in court today.

That's pretty funny. This is his mugshot, I guess. Poor kid. Can't have a sense of humor these days, man. Oh, my God. Did you see Happy Gilmore 2? No. I feel like my life ended when I, like, started with Happy Gilmore 1 and ended with Happy

Gilmore 2. I just know better than to see any of these. Dude, I don't get why Adam Sandler loves to put his family and everything in his kids. And he really cares a lot about putting his kids in everything. Why doesn't he care about his kids being in a good movie? Don't you think you'd say, like, man, honey, I can't wait to get you in my movie because it's, so good and everyone will really like it and you in it you know no well because am i fucked have i not been a dad for long enough like when my kid's 16 like here i made a huge piece of shit i can't wait for

everyone to hate it and you right well that's kind of the thing is it's like it's not about making a good movie it's just about making a movie oh that's so it's so sad the whole movie it felt like it felt like a movie about adam sandler he's like a loser that people just clown on like it did not feel like the character Happy Gilmore and the story was totally fucked the original story

he's trying to save his grandma's house for like $230,000 and this one he's trying to send his daughter to ballerina school and it's like 200 it's the same amount it's less money I think to send it's like

what do you it's costing you let this the stakes of this movie is worse than the first one deflation's been happening Jesus yeah why didn't you make it like a billion dollars or something something it's the rest

the rest of the movie is fucking preposterous and stupid about cutting tendons to hit a super long ball which is kind of a good idea but what the hell was the ballerina school it's like I saw him level shit well there's just

no reason that they ever needed to make it other than they're like hmm what else haven't we fucked up yet oh god I knew it was gonna be bad and it was bad and I felt bad watching the whole thing my wife fell asleep

and it was just me and my boy I said son I felt it was worse than Caddysheck 2 all right well you know what I have you seen that Caddyshack 2? No I was gonna say I also watched a movie

that I knew was gonna be bad but I still watched it it was not bad it was called Better Man with the monkey yeah and Robbie Williams so here's my beef at that movie aside from the fact that I fucking hate Robbie Williams Yeah

You know what I love I love about Robbie Williams I love hearing that he's so popular in the UK And no one knows And not popular here Yeah Oh man

Well so it's about Well there's that But the thing is Is there's that rock DJ music video right Yeah Where he's dancing in the club Trying to get the attention

Of all these girls Doesn't happen So he finally takes his shirt off Takes his pants off Yeah And he starts ripping his skin off Really Spinning his like

Top half of his skin around And then he's is all like takes his legs off and then he's just all muscle and like grab his ass cheeks throws him out in the car and becomes a skeleton by the end of it okay that's cool I got it it's even better is because I think they spent so much of the budget on the grotesque parts that as it gets further in the video he goes from like really higher deaf to like PS1 graphic skeleton by the end of it that's great okay so this whole time beginning tree yeah yeah this whole time and better man right they're like okay cool it's gonna talk about every single thing he's done

Great. Oh, yeah. I need to see a chimp rip his fucking... I need to see that, right? The unglovening of it all. It's just like this daddy issue shit. It totally is. Well, I...

What the fuck, man? It's basically a gayer guy trying to impress a gay guy the whole time. Is how I kind of pick it up. But... Yeah. So here's the thing that fucking... You guys gotta stop being so fucking mopey. Yeah.

No? God. Really. One more rock star crying about how hard they have it and how ice all the attention is right fuck dude well so here's what pisses me off here's what's yeah me off is there's one part where he goes like he keeps seeing himself in the crowd and he's like oh you got to rip your skin off and I was like oh oh I heard a reference right and then you start seeing all this self-hatred coming yeah and then you see a chimp in the audience that's

supposed to be him with no skin and I was like oh that's what that was yeah it's supposed to oh I didn't know that I've seen it yeah I said what the fuck's going on here so the whole time, right? They show that chimp. They show you a couple glimpses of him with no skin. And it's like, oh, they're going to do the part where he rips it all off. And then they do the rock DJ moment, which earlier on in the film, digital, whatever format. Yeah.

But he'd, uh, so I'm like, okay, cool. There's going to be a big number at the end where they do this song again. He's going to rip his skin off and we'll get some sort of explanation. But no, he never ripped. They already animated it with the skin off. But he never tears it off. And it's like, are you fucking kidding me? That's all I gave a fuck about in this movie.

That's bullshit. Was I just wanted to see him. Because they had to use the, they rhodoscoped him into like interviews. He was on and other real things he was in. So it's like, why don't you just put the chimp face on this? Like, what the fuck? Yeah.

Anyway, that's, I didn't give a shit about the whole rest of the movie. I didn't care about him. I don't care about anything else. I just needed to see him rip his skin off. And he didn't. So I had to go watch him. the music video again uh that movie was a waste of time as well okay i sent john i sent john breaks bad news

the the link let me see oh am i am i in the wrong one probably oh fuck me i don't i hate google meke i don't know why i send it to him why do i always use it you know what now you ought to tear your skin off i wish i could tear my fucking skin off i went to the you remember how i was epoxying my garage oh yeah that was the that was the best moment in my life uh if i when i look back when i die i'm gonna look back and say that was i took some uh i had to take some camping shit into the garage but you can do careful i forgot that i had epoxyed the ground

and it was because you know the kids screaming they just scream all the time uh they scream until way until way past you wish you were dead and then you and the stupid nurse you know what they do with the hospitals hospitals are for everybody so they have to tell you everything the same way they have to tell everybody everything the same way

and one of the things they tell you before you leave with your kid right before is not to kill your kid on purpose and you can tell it's you can tell they tell everybody the same thing because they have a whole speech

and they're like now I'm sitting down now I have to talk to you about like sudden infant you killed them syndrome fucking nurse coof thank you for not killing your baby and they say okay so this is going to be a tough time for you

postpartum whatever um if you have any thoughts about uh killing yourself or killing your baby you call this number right away and then they read you this thing like if you have any thoughts that are like

the world would be better if I was dead or the world would be better if and then they use your kid's name was dead then you call this number and I'm sitting there thinking was that

was that really necessary like I understand that it I understand that you guys think that's necessary because you know I know how I know that none of you test any of this like you came up with this as a committee and then decided it reasonably made sense

and maybe it does but I know for a fucking fact you don't test anything to a degree that, you know, other fields do. But now, when I'm alone with my son at night, rocking him and he's fucking freaking out, I just hear this stupid fat nurse saying, if the thought of the world would be better, if you were dead,

and I'm like, I really wish you hadn't put that sentence in my head at a vulnerable time like I'm being fucking brainwashed, Because now it's every time it's like Oh god This is so fucking painful I hear I see this fat woman saying If the thought

That the world be better If you were dead Ever comes to mind Call this number I just So I go I have I'm having one of these moments

Okay I'm calling the number I'm out of gas today I gotta put some stuff away You just make yourself busy With chores now You know Slavery is

What was the saying on Auschwitz slavery is freedom work is freedom man put that I'm getting that for my car instead of a baby on board

it's gonna say work is free work will set you free what was it on Auschwitz let me look work is freedom Ibrecht yeah

work makes one free I knew it Sam Hyde, Nick Fuentes CoLab Isn't that great? Only two guys in the world that matter Everybody else is chasing Super Chats That's what it is

Those are the only two guys that matter And they're together At last Saying whatever the hell they want Backby might be getting a reboot too Damn I discovered I discovered something

So I go into the garage to do chores Because the work The work sets you free Of yourself I got to do something I go in I go in the garage and I had forgotten All of my epoxy dreams

I set my foot in there And it was like walking into It was like walking into a before time I was like my feet on that little prickly fresh epoxy that's still basically brand new

I was like oh I forgot about this oh this is my center here I sat down I felt like I sat down for a couple seconds

but I guess it was a day and a half I don't know came back in and everyone was looking for me all you need is a little record collection out there

in like an old 70s looking stereo system and just like a you know 1970s pin up calendar or like a Budweiser calendar or something 1990s man you forget I'm already old I could take actual I don't have to pretend to have nostalgia

I fucking have nostalgia I'll put up a Green Day dokey poster and an X-Men arcade machine. That's something you gotta go further back though. I know I got I'm already a fucking old ass motherfucker I'll go back to my childhood I don't need no pretend

ass childhood. That's what I'm saying. It's like, wherever you're at, right, you always go further back. Not me. I'm going to put up a Taco Bell menu from 1989, 55 cent Taco Supreme. Either way, you've experienced your first garage time as a dad. Yeah, I did. I really did.

I couldn't, I should file a complaint. Like, don't use my fucking son's name talking about the world to be a better off. What kind of sick-ass? What kind of sick-ass shit are you guys doing here? John breaks bad news. Yeah. Oh, you're in the call? Why the fuck don't I see you?

Oh, there he is. All right. John. Hey, what's up, bud? How you doing? How you doing? Doing all right. Did I keep you waiting long?

Sorry. No, no, no. It's fine. I'm fucking celebrating, man. What are you celebrating? we had a new new bonus episode a clandestine organization secret organization known as the weight watchers i've been you need to watch that i got to watch it you should be part of it you should join i will you know submit an application we're very open we need we need something yeah yeah get sworn in

Trump did some banking EO stuff that I'm hype on I don't follow any of that What about the WNBA's Dildo Nets? Do you follow that? That's hilarious. Yeah, I've been paying attention to that Which I can't think of anything

funnier than throwing dildos at a WMBA game Yeah, except maybe throwing them over the net at a WNBA game. I'm going to throw them into the basket, yeah. Having like a drone dildo going up and over. Yeah, around. Anyway, how you been, man?

I've been great. Just moved. We got some shows coming up. Oh, you do? Yeah, doing some live shows in Florida. Oh, shit. At the conduit and the Orphium in Orlando and Tampa.

Okay. conduit conduit and the orphium when September 19th at the conduit and September 20th at the orphium oh shit dude back to back yeah

how do you do that how do you have the energy for that? I've never done it before so I have no idea how it's going to go but um they they contacted me and they were like hey do you want to come do this and I was like yeah sure let's try it

who's they uh the venues Oh wow Okay Works at one of them And showed my videos to To them And they were like

This is great Let's have them down Oh that's cool man Yeah I'm trying to extract the The videos Before you can extract files You must copy files

To the What is that What is that being? I don't know Let me see Maybe it didn't get sent right Do do Is it empty?

It shouldn't be empty Did you send me an empty-ass Did you send me an empty-ass archive, John? Not send you an empty-ass archive Send me a fucking empty-ass archive Did you hear Carl was getting sued by stuttering John? No, he is? Yeah, for $600,000.

For what? There's nothing that he's ever done In the last 10 years It's been worth $600,000. No, true. Let me see. Carl sent me the lawsuit. It is

you are here by summoned yeah take further notice six hundred thousand dollars for over the course of twenty four and twenty five defendants have repeatedly misappropriated melendez's identity for profit through online broadcasts ticketed live events pay-per-views and promotional content on youtube and other platforms all without plaintiff's consent so using his image um without consent For instance, defendants organized two Pay for entry events DabbleCon 2 and Dabble House

Using advertised using plaintiff's identity Using his photograph and recognizable voice recordings But he's a public person Yeah This is retarded Yeah Yeah, no shit Okay, like what

Do lawyers just find these people I mean like the same thing with the Maddox case Yeah. Do they just find these people and, like, bilk them out of, like... I think so. The dollars that they don't have? They bilk them out of, like, $12,000. Like, and that's how they eat.

Defendants, oh, here we go. Defendants, meaning Carl, have gone so far as to exploit plaintiff's personal property and memorabilia for commercial gain. For example, stealing discarded items from the plaintiff's trash, such as... Sofa cushions from his Los Angeles home and displaying them as props at events to attract attention. So somebody stole Stuttering John's sofa cushions from the garbage in Los Angeles and sent them to Carl. Demonstrating an extraordinary willful disregard of plaintiff's rights. My garbage is. Oh my God, we got it. My Garbage's redo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. John, this is zero. This is zero KB. that I'm looking at. Okay, let me grab my laptop and I'll try to send it again. Okay.

Or you can just play them, or you can just send them and play them to me, I don't care. Yeah, let me, I'm going to send them to you because I don't have them on this computer. I have them on my laptop. Okay. And I'll get them for you.

Okay. Let's see, I can play this student loan thing. This one is, man. People on the right are such fucking assholes. They're all up there. They're all up. You'd say they just are itching to make weed illegal again

because of the smell. Every single one, they're like, oh, the smell. Now it's everywhere you go in the city is this smell. So say this fuck out of the city. They should make it illegal

to say you smoke sour diesel after 2009. Yeah. Oh, this, now everywhere smells like weed. Everywhere I go in the city, I take my kids. Smell like that when it was illegal, too.

Yeah, you fucking idiot. Like, so stay home. Go to the country club With your ass Your zero KV Your fucking archiv Suckin ass

God damn They got fucking My entire generation Fucking despises conservatives Because they spent God knows how many years And how much money Trying to make wheat

Keep weed illegal Make it illegal Keep illegal And make gay marriage illegal Which was Totally retarded Well they should just just make talking about weed illegal.

Yeah. You know what? Shut it the fuck up. I think nobody would have problems. That I can support. But making it illegal, it's like 90% of people are pro medical weed or regular weed, which is basically the same, right?

Yeah. Or make it illegal so it gets cheap again. Yeah. Oh, man. Either way. For two months, when my hearing first got shot, first started to get bad, and like the sound was,

the sound in my ears was deafening. Right. it was as loud as a normal person talking I couldn't hear people talking because it was that loud and every single second was painful I went to the weed store as a last resort my wife said

why don't you smoke some weed and I fucking hate weed I hate weed because I'm just a really bad person and it makes me think about that for hours I was like God why did you do all this stuff you've fucked up you've fucked over so many people

why did you do that and I'm like I don't I really did have to do it and it felt good doing it and it just makes me think about that for hours so I fucking hate it you know

I shouldn't I don't want to fucking liquor yeah it's like do it again felt good do it again be funny about it this time yeah weed's the opposite it's like you shouldn't have done those things

your life would be better if you hadn't have abused everyone like that that's cool though well it's not cool for me so it's a fucking nightmare and I'm like all right I mean, it can't be...

Honestly, that paranoia feeling was better than this ring and feeling my head, so I went down to the weed store and just bought everything. I had a little sign. I brought in a little sign like Wiley Coyote. I went to the weed store.

I brought in a little sign that said Sucker on it. Right? Like Wiley Coy... You know, oops, you know? Hey, he has a... Uh-oh, how he would have that sign. That's fucking a way.

That was like, again? Boop, boop, blink, bling. And I put yellow in my eyes, so I'd look like him. Sucker. Yeah, Wiley Coyote's been smoking Cartoons of some fucking cigarettes Oh man

The same people The same asshole conservative assholes Who are hammering weed all the time Are like nicotine's the fucking coolest thing ever man Tucker Carlson's cool Nicotine built this country Are you back? Hey what's that man Yeah I just sent it

It should be sent I sent a weed transfer Okay Let me get this So I go to the weed store Do you smoke weed? John breaks bad news very very rarely Are your gain is his gain a little high

Johnny? Yeah I got him Yeah Can you turn your gain down a little bit dude? Yeah Is that better? And we'll let's see Check check check check That better for you?

Yeah yeah Sounds fine over here again Check Yeah it's better Okay weed transfer So I go to the weed store I get a bunch of vapes And it was the only way I could sleep

Because the pain and the noise was so was so all-consuming otherwise that's all you can think about you don't get a second so now when I see these guys like oh well you know it makes society worse

I'm thinking when I was a kid you'd have to get weed from a total reprobate like you'd have to get weed you'd have to deal with someone who also sells heroin and now sells primarily fentanyl and is usually

a fucking scumbag he knows that Half the people he knows are in prison. It's very dangerous. There was this guy that I, when I was a kid, I used to get weed from. His name was Bobby Stone, and he killed two people. I tried to break into his house with a shotgun. And now I'm getting weed from what looks like an Apple store.

Yeah. They got a security guy up front, getting IDs. The people walk up to you and take your order on an iPad, like a chick-fil-A. and then you go to another place and pick up your stuff. It's so safe and fun and easy to use. That's fun? I don't think that's fun at all. I like that when there was a bloody handprint on the guy's house.

No, the last hookup I had, the last plug I had for real drugs was a woman that made you drive to a corner on orange and like, fucking some intersection in Hollywood which I did remember the intersection of it but I'm not going to say it she would have you text your order with emojis which was already annoying because that's not

tricking the police and you'd have to wait there and she would hop from car to car giving you your drugs sitting in your car talking to you for like 20 minutes while you can see the other people waiting who have shit to do but she looked like a catcher's myth that

somebody had stapled doll hair too I mean that so yeah the reprobate stuff is cool but then there's a bad there's a negative side of reprobates which is just you know them a doll somebody left out in the sun

my point was that it's so much safer and that I'll be damned if like anyone's taking this away it's I'm not there's no way I would have wanted to go see Tyrone and Compton to get some weed so I could sleep with a prayer horn going off in my head.

But they don't care about that shit. All right, I'm trying to find weed transfer. Here we go. Okay, I got it, buddy. Awesome. What are you going to do at your show, just this? Yeah, we're going to do. I have some, like, reviews on the Facebook page that were funny.

Because a while ago, like, I'm going to have, like, a projector and we'll show them on screen and like people are like he's a piece of shit this guy's an asshole recommend five star accidentally hitting five stars yeah we're gonna read some of those okay uh i'm gonna do calls from the from the audience so oh really yeah like live breaking bad news yeah so i'll have uh like i'll have like little cards that we hand out at the beginning of the show you fill them out put them in a box i'll pull them out at random and then i'll invite you up on stage And talk to you a little bit. Dude, that's fucking awesome.

Yeah, and then we'll do the call. So that's what I was hoping to do. Oh, yeah. Okay, let's play these. Which one do you want me to start with? Let's start with the TikTok three-way, TikTok four, three-way cheating. Okay, where can people go to get info on your show?

Live. Something or? John Breaksbad News.com. Okay, with no age. John Breaks Bad News. Here we go. Live cheating three-way. Hello. Hi, Diana. This is John from John Brake's bad news. I have some bad news from Brayn for you. You were a horrible wife from the beginning. He looked past it because he loved you. He also cheated on you about two times. One was a three-way. Sorry, bud. Okay. Thank you.

That's all he wanted to let you know. Who do you think he had a three-way with? I don't know, and I don't really care. Why did you guys break up? What was the thing that ended the marriage? Is this a show that I see, like, on TikTok? Yeah. Okay.

I never thought I would be called. Well. here you are on the John Bragg's bad news show All right Diana Wait you're not gonna You're not gonna tell us what like what happened

Like why Why he seemed so pissed I left Oh And yeah Okay you know mm-hmm

all right well you see why she loved sorry my story is not that fun I prefer to keep a private all right but I hope you guys have a good one you have a great day I love you

bye bye bye bye oh poor girl it's the staying on the line that makes it so good too yeah why do they stay on the line I don't know I don't know like there's like

there's like a few people that will hang up but most people are like I guess they're curious as to what's going on so yeah like the curiosity traps them and they know about you now yeah which is really like that's getting noticed in public I don't like going out anymore wait really you get noticed in public now yeah I brought my I brought my daughter and my meese to to Chucky Cheese and they ran they were playing around

and I was just sitting at the table kind of like you know I brought my laptop I was working on stuff and this guy comes up to me

and I'm just sitting now I'm just sitting at a Chucky Cheese by myself. Yeah. And the guy comes up to me and he goes are you know

you look just like John Breaks Bad News Wow. Okay. Well that's because I am John Breaks Bad News and then I had to explain to him that

like I'm here with my kid and my like I'm not just sitting at a chucky cheese by myself does anybody see you and hate you in real life for breaking bad news to them everybody's been super nice I haven't met anybody that I've actually

broken bad news too but that'd be funny yeah like a payback are you worried about that at your shows your live shows not so much worried about it if it happens it'll be good content I kind of hope something like that

happens where somebody I know where this asshole is going to be and comes and yells at me that'd be fun okay which one should we watch now uh do the next uh the tick tock 18 shut that baby up okay one of my favorite oh god that's my fucking life hello hi eric this is john from john briggs bad news i have some bad news from jana for you wait what i'm looking at her right now watching your youtube is this thing live yeah Shut that baby up He told me to shut the baby up Should I hang up on this jerk?

Eric, you criticized Jayana When she was trying to enjoy cherries You washed and prepared yourself As your wife And she needed you to know That she is 100% entitled to your snacks And you are not allowed to argue against that Because it's part of the marriage contract

She's got just a devious smile on her face Don't do it again Or else. All right. I'm glad you got that baby to shut the fuck up. Oh, my gosh. This guy said, I'm glad you got that baby to shut the F up. I'm going to, where does he live?

F. Listen, the baby's quiet, so we don't have a problem anymore. Otherwise, I would have had to handle it. Man to man, face to face. I'm Native American. I just sharpened my tomahawk. Oh, yeah? And then that's, that's, that's, that's, that's what I was doing.

And I just took my underwear off. all right I'd like to grab a beer with this guy he's actually sounds kind of cool all right awesome you like pbr professional bull riding pvr pbbs blue ribbon

oh great American classic you have a great day dude all right dude all right I love you uh you're all right cool no say it back I said I love you I don't say it to dudes

say it back she had to yell at him in the background say it back do they ever say it back yeah they say it back all the time it's amazing to me how many people say it back. Especially when you press them on it. Yeah.

90% of the time, they'll say it. Okay, what's the next one? This guy freaked out. The taunted into saying it back. Yes, okay, here we go. I love you. Yeah. People have a real complex about that

shit. Dude, it's either I'm sorry or I love you. Yeah, they can't say it. Say, I'm sorry. Well, You know, if you, if it would make you feel better, the other end in that case, yes, I would be sorry. Like, you just said a thousand words. Just say it. Just say two. Hello.

I got some absolute. Hi, is this, Bruce? This is Bruce. Hi, Bruce. This is John from John Bragg's bad news. I have some bad news from somebody who would like to remain anonymous. You are a very miserable person and you make everyone around you miserable too because you can't stand to see people happy, let alone doing better in life than you. you treat your wife and daughter like shit

and they're both scared to stand up to you you also treat your mother like shit almost like you have zero respect for women no one wants to hear you bitch and complain about how your life is and how no one has it harder than you in life you're not a 20 year old gangbanger

from Pondon you're a 45 year old loser who blames everyone else that lives got put up God damn. Liz's got put up on the fuck. There's something Liz got put up.

I was just someone calling me and I treat you like shit I treat my daughter like shit. Who's that? Right?

So in here? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Who are gone? Hello? Hello? Who the fuck is? Who are you?

You don't sound like Bruce. Who are you? Who are you? Hello? Hi. Who is it? I'm John. Who the fuck's John? Oh, I'm John from John Braggs Bad News, and I had some bad news from somebody who would like to remain anonymous for Bruce, and I told him it, and he seems like he's got you on to, like, yell at me now.

So, go ahead. Um, it's your turn. Who is it? My name's John. John's who? Like, how do you? How are you? How are you so?

I can explain this already. So you explain, yeah. Explain them again. Somebody wanted me, hired me to call Bruce and tell him that he's a miserable person and he makes everyone around him miserable because he can't stand to see people happy or doing better in life than him and that he treats his wife and daughter like shit. What? What?

Go ahead. Why are you making this phone call? Oh, because somebody paid me to. call Bruce and tell him that he's miserable. How much did they pay you? I don't know. Probably like 10, 20 bucks. Yeah, probably, probably some rich bitch, right?

What do we do? Hey, buddy, buddy, don't fuck with me. Oh, no. Don't fuck. What happens if I fuck with you? I don't give a fuck about you. What happens if I fuck with you? You don't bother me.

You don't bother me. Say what you want. Whatever. If you think that's going to, if you think, you're something right come visit me come visit me where are you at i'll come come visit me bud where are you at are you not having else better to do with your fucking life no are you that miserable no no one paid him that's liz and i'll make sure the old man knows that lives that's fine that's fine all good all good all good all right well

I love you. You're fucking disgusting cuss. You just fucking call people up and fucking

say that shit. I'm mad too. I feel like calling someone that's pretty disrespectful. Tell me who you are. Tell me you are.

I'm John. I don't. No, no, no, no. This is my daughter to one you think I disrespect. I don't think anything.

I'm like a male man. You're getting mad at the wrong person. fucking getting in people's business is going to be a fucking problem Would you Would you talk to your mailman like this

For bringing you a bill that you didn't like? Would you talk to your mailman like this? Take the cock to your mouth What'd you say? I said Would you talk to your mailman like this For bringing you a bill you didn't like That's a fucking face the whole time

Yeah, buddy, you're fucking calling up Yeah, I'm a mailman I'm like a mailman Fucking Camigram for Mongo over here. That's what male men do. They bring you unpleasant things for a couple bucks. The gas lighting.

Yeah, you got to go to my website, John Briggsbadnus.com. No, no, no, no, no. Can you just return it to the fucking person of censor? No, you got to... Good question. You got to pay for postage, ladies. You have to what?

You got to pay for postage. Go to the website. John Brakesbad news. John Briggsbadnews.com. You can't be tracked, right? John Briggsbadnus.com. What's the point of the phone call? All right, I love you. What's the point of the phone call?

I said, I love you. Some fucking some cut. All right, I love you. I think that's highly an eagle, ain't it? So that's your message again, anyway. I'm not going to say it again. I've said it twice already. It's really boring me now.

All right, I love you. Well, then why you still? Hey, then why are you still on the fucking back? Because I said I love you, and I'm waiting for you to say I love you back. Okay, love you. All right, bye. What, there's no fucking way you said I love you back. What that fuck?

No fucking chance. Oh, that was awesome. What was this guy's name, Bruce? Bruce. It's like another Michelle. What's wrong with these people? I started to think maybe. Maybe he is a miserable fuck, yeah.

I don't think he's wrong for treating his wife like that, though. Oh, yeah. No, yeah. What do you think is wrong with them, John? I think, like, a lot of the people that I call are just, like, drunken reprobates and, you know, fucking, you know, they have people that want to antagonize them in their life. what percentage of people are this are this archetype of um just a nightmare it's actually pretty few like i like yeah that one like that video i posted it and it like almost immediately got three million views and and it was like people were just like like the comments were crazy

they were like this guy is a miserable piece of shit yeah but it's like it's pretty as far as like I do a lot of calls so like I get these kinds of calls semi often but they're not as often as I'd like What's like your biggest video that you've had doing this? One of the first ones I told

this girl her her boyfriend was cheating on her with her friend and she's pregnant now and that one got 11 million views and it was the way that it was done it's really more the way that it was shot. That's bad news.

Yeah. That's bad news. Kind of the, you're an asshole is not really bad news, I don't think. I mean, like, it's kind of, somebody thinks you're an asshole, so, and they're telling them. Oh, okay. But you don't tell them who, that would be the ultimate betrayal. The so-and-so told me to, you know, tell you this.

They think for a thousand bucks, I'll tell you who did it. Yeah. Okay, let's another one. Let's do Let's do Her friend is terminally ill Okay Here we go

This is really Hi Annie This is This is John From John breaks bad news I run a service Where I Break bad news

To people For other people Understand what I'm saying Okay And Ellie Wanted me to call you okay and normally these are pretty lighthearted but this one is actually pretty severe so are you um are you like okay right now i mean yeah all right well she just wanted um you to uh she wanted to tell you

that she has widespread cancer and was too much of a coward to tell you. Okay. And then she wanted me to tell you that she's sorry that the last call she made to you was a good bye call. And

okay. So she is in treatment and has been fighting it. All right. I'm sorry to be I'm sorry, it's just, it's like, unrecoverable.

Prior to that was not a good one. And, yeah, it's, I get it, like, I get it something very serious, but I also have to protect my peace and myself.

Yeah, I understand. What the fuck? She should probably, I mean, like, would you accept her reaching out to you, like,

to make amends? She's tried, and she was just very quick to get off the phone. If she wants to call me him, and I will be more than welcoming for that, knowing what's going on now, but, yeah. Do you mind me asking what your relationship to her is? God, I could listen to these all fucking gay. We used to be best friends. Why do they talk to you? Like sisters.

And there was just a lot of. of stuff said between us, it wasn't all her, that just couldn't be taken back over the years. And it got to a very tumultuous point to where I had to make the decision to just break that apart because it wasn't healthy for either of us. Right. All right. Well. And I understand her reaching out like I do. But it's something where I had to put up my walls to protect myself. and I had to put distance between us to protect her. Yeah, and I totally respect that, but, I mean, given that you guys have that history together and with the current situation going,

and I'm telling you this as somebody who has no idea of what the situation actually is. I don't know, Ellie, I'm a complete stranger. I run this service, and she reached out to me. Okay. So all I'm saying is like from my own perspective. I think it's that saying it's a service. Given the circumstances. Yeah.

You know. Maybe you guys can put some of that history, some of that negative history to the side and focus on when you guys had good stuff and hopefully move forward. And you could maybe help her with what she's going through and you guys can rekindle your friendship, you know, in some way, shape or form. it's definitely a little deeper than that and I will give it a thought but if she feels like she wants to reach out she can okay all right I'll um I'll let her know that thank you so much is there anything else you need uh no that's it thank you all right you have a great good night bye bye wait a minute where was the I love you damn yeah I didn't do it for that one because I thought it was like a little...

Oh, that's what I... John, that's what I want. I want that stinger at the end, especially for the cancer. Does that woman even really have cancer? Was she just trying to manipulate her friend? I talked to her a little bit, and it's seen...

Like, I believed her, but I'm also a gullible retard. So, I mean, like, she might not have been... Yeah. Her... She got ripped apart in the comments on that one. They were like...

That woman that you just talked to? Yeah. They were like, this bitch. She won't even friend who has cancer and you know like there's so much time people have left on the world

that's what Vito said to Tony from Hack the Movies that we only have so much time on this earth he needs to call him and complain about me can you make a bad news call for the backers of Superkiller that they're not getting their comic this week like Vito said

I really I kind of hope that they do, but, uh, is that why you're calling me too? Me too, but it's already Sunday. It's a fucking over. Yeah, I, I was really helpful that he was going to send it. I was going to get it in my inbox.

Yeah. I'm really, you know, like, I haven't busted his balls about it at all, but I'm getting to the point where I'm, I'm a little sick of this. Man. He's reached a fatigue. He's got a long few.

but he does have one. I want my comic. Yeah, I want it too. You know, you gotta do like, you gotta do Breaking Bad News. Like, you are not the father, you are the father. Is there any way you can, you can like bring Mori back in your show?

So I can have that sense of like, oh man, you just got, you're fucked. Or like, yes, Pran. And you can have like a black guy running around like high fiving everybody. I really want to do that I was hoping that at some point like I hope the live shows do well

because I want more of those and I want to do stuff like that because those are the paternity tests are expensive yeah you know I'll just drink the pee and like swish it around in my mouth and tell them if they're pregnant you can tell it's like a little sugary

yeah if your eyes turned into two little lines we'll know you're a huge you've been a huge show for a while with this haven't you on TikTok yeah the last year I mean like The last year has been crazy. Last year, year and a half has been really wild. How so? What happens at that level?

It's just number, like, just being noticed anywhere that I go. I, like, people come up to me and they're like, are you John from John Breaks Bad News? And I'm like, I'm trying to like enjoy a, like a concert. Because you wear a shirt that has like John, I'm John from John Bricks Bad News. Come ask me about it. Don't ask me about it. You know, that's true. I do wear that shirt, but I still, it does say, don't ask me about it.

Yeah. But you have a pretty specific look, though. You're kind of playing it up, obviously, you know? But I'm like at a metal concert. Everybody looks like me at those. That's crazy. People recognize you at a metal concert. That is crazy.

Find Luigi on Mario Party DS, man. Yeah, it was, it was different when I was in Disney World and they recognized me. I was like, I kind of stuck out, but at a point. concert. I was hoping I could be incognito here. Do you have any like deals like zingular wireless or something? No. I'm John from John breaks bad. If you're going to break bad news, do it on the zingular wireless plan, you know, something like that. Yeah, I, I wish I was better at getting like brand deals. I don't know how to do that. Yeah. Send an email. Send him an email. to like brands and hope that they

yeah yeah it's works for me have your kids do it get them to work yeah i'm gonna have my son uh email pBR see if i could get a bro how old is your son he's uh 14 years old okay what do you what do advice do you have for sun raising because my son's three weeks old now uh none of it's very serious like everybody thinks that like um having kids is like this like big serious

thing and like it is it is like to an extent but like don't take things so seriously like just have i have a real problem with that you're very serious man you're very serious man well fucking take it easy chill out my friend uh my man steve from burning man he goes you know it's going to be hilarious the worst thing that all happening is if your kids like really serious and you're goofing around your kids like dad can you stop i'm trying to concentrate on something over here. Yeah. Okay, let's listen to one more.

What's what else? What's the bad news that you want to break the most that you haven't gotten able, that you haven't been able to break yet? Hmm. That's a good question. Yeah. I really, like, I did get to do it one time, but it was like I didn't even realize that I was doing it until the words came out of my mouth.

I told somebody that their friend had died. I didn't put that one. How did you not? Wait, you didn't clip it? Oh, for this show. Yeah. I didn't post it anywhere because I just like, I felt like it was inappropriate to post. Wow.

What is that feeling? It, like, she started crying immediately, and I was like, I think I messed up. Okay. I really did kind of, like, I felt like I had done something wrong, which kind of felt good in a way. And you were recording that while it was happening? I was streaming. Oh, okay. Yeah, I stream.

I mean, like, every call that I make, I try to, like, you know, make as much content as possible out of them. So, like, streaming, and then I cut them. And then, so people get multiple opportunities to watch. But that was. So someone paid you to break that bad? news to someone else yeah yeah you did do something wrong yeah that's yeah you messed up i knew it i knew as soon as i as soon as i was reading it and i was read it and i was the first time that i had read it so i didn't like i didn't pre-read anything i don't pre-read

so yeah first time that i'd read it and uh as soon as i got to like eric has passed away I was like, oh. Hmm. Oh. Sorry. Sorry to be the one that told you. I love you. Yeah.

I think I did. Do you have any kind of like wedding crashes, like funeral crashers thing where women are so overwhelmed with grief that they want to keep contacting you after the bad news? I don't have, like, they can't. I've made it like impossible for people to call me. I got you. But what if you, what if they could? well i did get invited to oh you did yeah this week somebody somebody like around where i

where i'm where i'm based out of uh yeah was like we're getting married i was like oh i'm i you know i live around there and they were like oh come and they wanted me to tell their best man like the best man something i don't i don't you're like i'm not like a monkey i'm like a big deal people recognize me i'm not like here to enhance your wedding experience i'll go to the i'll go to the wedding it'll be fun are you going to go i i i'm i think i might i think i might go okay uh all right what's what's one that we can you give me their number and i'll break the bad news that you're not coming yeah let's do that okay what one should we play now um um the uh tictoc 52

okay uh here we go hello hi jeanine this is john from john breaks bad news i have some bad news from stephen harney okay this is a debt collection call you are passed due on 14 blow jobs the last payment was received seven months ago these debts are for various good deeds and favors over that period of time if you would like to make a one-time payment stephen will accept one extra a long blow job to settle the account. And maybe some anal. I mean, I guess it is pretty serious.

Yeah, I mean, when do I have to get that one payment in? Before the fifth. Before the fifth. Oh, okay. Yeah, you have ten days. Ten days. Okay. I mean, what happens, you know, if I don't, if I don't make it, you know, pay my debt?

Well, then you're going to have 14 blowjobs to give, possibly 15 with interest. Oh, God, I can't forget about the interest. Okay, well, that's pretty serious. I guess I'm going to have to talk to Stephen about this. You should talk to Stephen about this. Okay. Anyway, I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you all this. And good luck.

Yeah. Good luck and, you know, ice your jaw. I'll see that. I got a lot in the freezer. I'll make sure I have extra. Hell yeah. Thank you. All right.

Love you, bye. Doing the Lord's work, aren't there? That's a great call. So the reason why I was in clown makeup and shit on that call was whenever I break good news to people I have like people will trick me into like saying things like they love their spouse and shit

which is annoying to me yeah and I feel like if you want somebody to break good news to someone like you hire a clown like singing telegram something like that oh yeah okay candy gram okay I put on clown makeup to do those calls that would be good for my

my head canon for that was like it was some in cell that was like afraid to talk to a woman you know that's funny there should be some sort of like social lubricant where somebody will be your wing your guy and say like hey by the way that you should fuck that guy you know he's always helping you right

yeah there should be something like that I think somebody else should do that yeah hey why don't you hey why don't you why don't you bang this guy you know John breaks the ice and bad things Breaks the ice John breaks the ice

Huh Johnny breaks the ice Maybe you should do it No John John should do it He's much more qualified I don't know He's kind of scary

Look at him The girls don't want to get Teenage girls don't want to get this guy On the line And he's like hey you want to fuck this guy They're like oh sure I'll fuck whoever you say He'll be like the new Epstein

He's got the same teeth Look at his teeth I got the same teeth I got small teeth too that's cool uh okay about uh women with little corn teeth that have that smell like cat piss

what the hell are you talking about you know what I'm talking about no smell like cat piss yeah there's always like women out there with little corn teeth and like the bangs that only come down to like here okay and they always you're describing a one woman remland they're all the same though is the thing that like really type yeah usually

usually use the world yeah okay John um I don't know, anything. John breaks bad news. You got two live shows. Good luck, man. Live shows are a blast. I'm really hoping that they go well. I'll shit my pants if there's like 50 people there.

No, it'll go well. And they always go so fast. Like you have all this shit planned and you get through maybe like your first live show. You get through like 10% of it. Like, why did I prepare all that shit? Unless you're Carl and then you do all of it. And it takes five hours to get. through um yeah i'm hoping that uh some of the dickheads come out if you're in florida

you know buy a ticket the tickets are on the website john breaks bad news dot com cool okay thank you for calling in man love you have fun i love you too goodbye take it easy bye bye uh and there he goes what a fun job dude i know not like this job so hard man fucking hard arguing with you arguing with you online all day email dude all these emails I've been sending you

about what we're going to talk about on the show today and data says that cop video was hilarious skin exposure to fentanyl is extremely unlikely

to send you into an overdose we've had to we had to have clever fucks design specific patches for it to be absorbed through the skin because shockingly

skin is pretty good at keeping most powders out of your body she would have to have to have sniffed it for her to OD that fast yeah there's fentanyl patches i guess cops don't know that that exists so they had to like design something for fentanyl to be a patch to soak into your skin

because it's like a nicotine patch or any know all the other million patches you can't just play with a cigarette and get wasted on cigarettes uh ivar sveynson hey dick i also live uh atop a hill in my city and i have disdain towards the people at the bottom i would add lowlanders to your lexicon as that um as that is my term for them. It's a good one. Lowlanders. We just call them Mexicans. Nope. Dick should make a comic purely based

on painted over Lena Dunham picks. It would probably be funnier than what was that? Jesus. The hell was that? Something fell up there, yeah. It would be funnier than, and released before Superkiller. Yeah, I thought we were

going to get Superkiller this week. Dude, you could call instead of Bob Ross, you'd be Bob sauce, right? And you paint with different sauce colors over Lena Dunham? Bob sauce? Mm-hmm. I watched Bob Ross last night,

and the motherfucker was painting a beautiful-ass picture. And then he ruined it with a cabin. It was like three cabins in a row. Oh, dude. Because they have the Bob Ross channel where they play all 30 years of Bob Ross. He saw the earth, man.

And you could kind of tell that he's like, you could tell that he fucked up cabin but you know everything's like nothing's a fuck up everything's like a happy accident in nature that's true but not in cabins not in painting a man-made thing yeah yeah not in man-made things you are a man paint this correctly uh so then the next episode comes out and I'm like oh god thank God I could wash that shitty cabin picture out of my mind because now I'm just thinking of Hitler every time he does a cabin I'm like Hitler that's exactly how how Hitler would have painted that.

And then I imagine the two of them going head-to-head painting architecture. I wish we could live in a world where it was Bob Ross's show, but then Maz is standing over his shoulder, telling him how to do it right the whole time. He knows that it's wrong. He does, but he just can't do shit about it.

Yeah. Because he has to be this guy that's like nothing's a fuck up. Right. But he knows it's a fuck. He knows it's fucked up. See, what people don't realize is he's just as smar me of a fuck as Thomas Kincaid, right? You remember all those paintings in the 90s where he's like the painter of light?

Light, yeah, sure. Just a bunch of hack fucking bullshit that anyone could paint. But, again, it's like, well, yeah, it's, I painted this cabin, though. You see, that's a Bob Ross. That's not just any fucking... It looks like shit, though. It looks absolutely like shit. It's like emperor's...

Emperor has no clothes. Emperor's new cabin, yeah. Emperor's new cabin. fucking cabin's a little loppy there Bob And then he puts the door on Like this is always some achievement Because he's got that flat metal thing And he goes like shoot there we go

The door's right there I'm like that door Looks like shit He grew up in Mexico The door's straight How do you not see that the wall's fucking crooked You know that the You use this little

The spatula for the door So obviously you know that it should be straight But the wall goes like this How the fuck does that make sense Bob? He just didn't know the word Earthship yet He's just painting a bunch of earthships not houses man I hate the

Why do we have to get rid of like Blackface stuff but we can't get rid of the Bob Ross episodes with the cabins in him It's like because then he always goes He always does this He all then he goes on a string Of shoving a cabin in every single one Until he gets one right

So it's like Okay so now it's five episodes of fucking cabins. Great. Yeah, I don't want to watch this asshole practice. I want to watch him nail it. Just start over. Stop putting cabins in everything. Put a little pile of a, put a burned down cabin.

There you go, this cabin burnt down. Yeah, 99% there, and then the download stops, and then you get a fucking piece of shit cabin in there. It's just fucked. His cabins are so fucked. It's so annoying. I even took a picture. I don't know why I took this picture.

I took a picture of the fucking cabin. A rage picture? Nothing beats a. Look. Look. Let me make, wait, let me make sure there's nothing else on this. Where you're so pissed off. I was so pissed off that I'm sitting there.

That looks like shit. I'm sitting there with my son, like, uh, let's watch Bob Ross. It's nice and soothing, right? And he's painting this beautiful ass. He's talking about, he's talking about being, uh, sent to Alaska by the army. Oh, because he joined the Air Force. And they sent him to Alaska. Send him to Alaska.

Held him in gunpoint to paint scenery but not cabins? Yeah, and he's like, you know, they got a funny, Uncle Sam's got a sense of humor. And he's telling this story about how he basically got totally fucked, right, and sent to Alaska. But he's telling him in a funny way. And I'm like, man, this is awesome.

Oh, this is so relaxing. And then he's like, oh, and you know what we're going to do here? And I'm like, don't do it, Bobby! Don't you fucking do it, Bobby! He starts painting this fucking cabin. Is this here, wait Look at this shit

Look at that That's fucked It's trash Hold on, let me send it to my email It looks like it's AI generated It's fucked The door is fucked in this one too It's like he has that like green goblin

Kind of outfit sitting in the back of his mind Like paint a fucking cabin like you gotta fucking do Put a cabin in it Put a cabin in it Like, put anything, put a stack of tires in it. Instead of put a girl on, just put a cabot on. Put a girl on a maker gay. Put a cabin on.

God. Dick. Yeah. It's so crazy because that's the thing, he's the worst at. So he's like, you know what? Like, spent all this other time, like, taking my time, doing all this other shit nice, made sure I said, failed. Doing it nice. You know?

Make sure I said Van Dyke Brown, all that good shit. Well, he paints a tree and he, like, makes a skeleton of it. Like, whoosh, the middle, you know? It's right, yeah. It's like, why do you paint a cabin just like Shoop, shoop? That's not how cabins are made. He tries to paint it as if it's already finished instead of doing like the framework.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Nobody's living in a little square. He has no concept of like the man-made world, only the natural world. He has no concept of cabins. I know I've talked about this before, but Well, it's abysmal. Again, you'd think a guy who makes paintings for a living

could paint a fucking cabin. Uh, okay, here it is. No Yeah, there What the fuck is this shit The fuck is this It looks like someone Was trying to impersonate a Norm Rockwell painting with their asshole

Looks like diarrhea Look at this shit I mean it's not even Look at how crooked this is Not even close door also not close pointy thing in the middle the Bob Ross method of like

well if you just like squeeze your eyes together like French steward a little bit it all makes sense and it's like yeah but yeah but it's like right in the middle of the painting now dude you made it the focal point now all I see is this shit now all I see is this shit I don't see the rest of your painting I just see this fucking mess now everything looks like an accident

like now it doesn't look like right now it's not sarcastic accident It's like an accident Like if that's the If that's the focal point now Then now I'm gonna go look You know what I'm gonna start looking closer at the background

And see how shitty everything else is Exactly it makes everything else look bad Oh that water is just you went chup That looks like crap Yeah Um Okay Brad Mcfly

Muslims literally use their hands To wipe their ass Really Their left hands specifically I'm just sick I'm sick of them I'm sick of all these people everything that's like

unique about them I'm fucking taught I got room for one Abramic religion or however you say it and I'm fucking sick when I come back into this room there better be one

I see you guys got more than one when I come back into this room there better be one or there's going to be none That's my speech Yeah, well, they wipe their ass with this Well, they wipe their ass with this Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, well actually, we got to get rid of weed

Actually, actually, women are whores, stop. Everybody stop. When I come back into this room, there better be one religion Or we're gonna have big problems Or there's gonna be no religions We've done it before We've wiped out you guys before We'll do it again. Atheists are very motivated.

We don't fucking care. We're sick of it. Sick of this shit. We're sick of you. Figure it out. We'll come back in 50 years. Pizarred gaming guides. Loved Weight Watchers.

Riley Foster, this is what I needed in my life. Yes, they loved it. Chris World, these people fall like they're trying to be an extra in a movie who's shot and killed. Yeah. Lull. dog says i had a table i waited on a week ago with this 110 pound mexican dude and this huge chonken vetoesque at least 220 pound bitch and two others it's a greek place and this bitch ordered our double cheeseburger and cleaned house my question was do you need to go to a box my question was oh do you need a to go box and the whole table was laughed and the fat bitch got all teahee like she didn't just clean the plate like a dog teahee like cartman insane it's all this cute shit man i don't know i don't even know i'm i

can't wear these fucking things driving me crazy because the the absence of sound makes the ringing worse oh yeah okay uh i'll just be a little bit quieter riley petty john says oh Johnny fucking sucks He's not funny at all He is an F slur And then N-word Cunt

A nihilistic yes man That needs to kill himself Fuck you Cool I agree with all those things Who wrote in Riley Petty John Oh send me an email

I'll send you some stickers or something That's great Jeff Boodin says Hey Dick This is from the Washington Street Journal on July 16th Etsy witches charge for jobs

Sunshine and Nick's wins Business is booming You're gonna read that Let's do it Let's do it Etsy witches Etsy witches Get this shit off of my screen

Etsy witches Charge for jobs Sunshine Here we go Okay Verifying the device Sure why would that not happen Oh, come on.

You know what? We're not reading this at all. It's cursed. Okay. Mo-mo? Is that where you read? Something where? Yeah.

Archive link. Here we go. Come on, big money. Etsy witches charge for jobs. Here we go. Joundy Pereira spent all spring looking for a retail job

but had no luck. So the college sophomore in Queens, New York, did what many around her do when a situation doesn't go their way. Okay, so I didn't want to chime in because I was going to go, well, I saw this meme a long time ago. This guy is just like, yeah, I charge bitches like 50 bucks to like for a spell

and it's just me waving a stick around over like a cup of coffee. Are you serious? Yeah. And so the fact that that's actually what this is. On Etsy. Yeah. That's astounding

The college sophomore in Queens, New York did what many around her do in a situation doesn't go their way She paid a witch on Etsy To cast a spell The job market is terrible I'm not getting any responses So why not help myself out

What a fucking idiot Woman Alert for sure No shit Woman Alert And if it doesn't work out Then OWelt It was only $15 That is the most dangerous logic in women.

Well, it was only 15 bucks times, however many times in your day. Yeah, times infinity. Pereira said that some of her friends bought Etsy spells during the finals. Well, then you fail. What's the, that's the test? Yeah. She isn't an ardent believer in witchcraft, but does believe in manifesting. the ritual of envisioning desired outcomes

The day the Etsy witch cast the spell Pereira says she got a job offer from Whole Foods where she's now a store shopper Uh Is that a job Isn't that just like you go shop and then report You get like a discount or something like that None of these words are in the Bible

I'm sick of this shit Was it magic? Witchcraft and spellwork have become an online cottage industry faced with economic uncertainty and vapid dating apps I think we found the issue God these dating apps are terrible

I'm gonna call a witch off Etsy there's nothing but trash on these dating apps it's full of people who are just garbage now it's moved to Etsy some people are putting their beliefs and disposable income into love spells

career charms and spirit cleansers fuck man pallet cleansers business. Etsy an online marketplace for crafts and vintage has long been home to psychics and mystics but the platform has enjoyed new callouts from

TikTokers as a destination for witchcraft. The concept of hiring an Etsy witch hit a fever pitch when influencer Jazz Smith. Is that a trans uh... let's see. Jazz Smith. How fat are you? Let's see.

Uh, no, not fat. Well, that's a problem. So just retarded then? Just retarded. Mm, yeah. Hi, guys, I'm about to head out, but I wanted to show you my new bag. I'm borrowing from Viverrell. It's a scrawad bag, and it matches literally everything.

You guys don't know Vigrel is a member-only club where you can borrow designer handbags and design their own women. Line them up, wipe them out. Mm-hmm. sell the face rocks but they're all uranium or something yeah you think guys are bad because they like send guys out to die in war but women are they don't even have a second

of not getting sold out you buy this shit by go on Etsy buy some curses uh okay yeah so that's funny like you could have like an asterisk somewhere and be like actually these are opposite day spells so you know your love a spell is actually a love curse

when you get somebody on the hook for a spell can't you just hit them up for more because they're obviously stupid well the dumbest thing is too it's like think of think of any time you go to like a coastal area right there's always like you're walking down the boardwalk somewhere

and then it's like oh there's palm reading booth right yeah it's like it moved from like now you don't have to pay rent for a booth you can just do it online and again it's for a laugh like it's a everyone knows it's a stupid fucking thing even the lady doing it uh the blue skies and warm temperatures

have inspired TikTok audience to find Etsy witches of their own Smith didn't respond to comment Okay So they're all retarded The shop Mariah spells Has over 4,000 sales On Etsy

And 5 stars And sells a permanent protection spell For 200 bucks What the fuck dude Dude permanent protection for 200 bucks That sounds like a steal This is way easier than making shirts Bring your ex lover back

For $7? After you killed them, yeah The witch running Maria Spells, Mariah Spells, Mariah Spells and Spells by Carlton. What? Mariah Spells and Spells by Carlton, all right?

Spells by Carlton. Spells by Carlton, wow, okay. Let's see here. Is he going to look like a date rapist? What do you think? Christ. No pick. 53,000 sales, holy shit.

Shit, we are in the wrong business. Fuck that. What the fuck? What? What? Business meeting after the show today or what? What the fuck? Is there a bring, like, super killer?

Bring super killer into print spell. I think it's just upping the concerted dose, right? Let's see here. I'm trying to size it right so I could see everything. Man. There we go. Spells by Carlton, same day casting, same hour reading, trusted taro. You gotta be fucking kid.

They're all on sale. A haunted doll. You want this doll? Dude, it's low stock. There's only one left of this haunted fucking doll. Get it now, dude. Patricia Haunted doll

Spirit Maybe they're selling kids Like Gwen Wayfar Oh yeah Remember that You gotta be kidding me Annabelle Love and Obsession Spell

Ooh So you pay five bucks And you get photo proof That the spell was cast It's like some asshole Taking a picture of a bunch of sticks And being like see I cast it how come

dude we should I'm telling you face rock and spell emporium how come I can't say the N word but these guys can do whatever they want

this bullshit fat women are just doing whatever they want buying this shit all these people belong in prison or deported well you know just hit me too

there's digital black face right remember when we heard that term yeah years ago why don't we do digital fat face right yeah just pretend to be a fat woman

online and sell spells here's a cake spell right you fucking put all these ingredients together diet spells they're all just uh contact me spell

bring your ex lover back spell what the fuck can I sue this guy if it works I paid you five bucks and this bitch came back out of nowhere fucked up my marriage what the fuck

I'm suing your ass Carlton how you get a bunch of 52,000 sales that's what I'm fucking saying dude $300,000 for this shit that's not even if people buy

the costlier shit too we gotta bring back Jesus Christ and get rid of this Deuteronomy shit spells just to it's wicked

dude not because of the spiritual implications yeah yeah i just can't have fat women spending this kind of money okay bellew says evil tech bros hey dick bellow here evil tech bros i wish i had a better term to describe them but i don't your ideal tech guy is someone obsessed with progress utility and efficiency someone who cares about open source and leans libertarian um i mean not my ideal tech guy meanwhile no ideal tech guy should be any of them yeah obsessed with progress okay well you should be obsessed with making it work yeah yeah yeah the problem with the problem with tech is that it's become like co-opted by finance

and finance guys just exist to eviscerate everything and profit on it which means not making it any better, but using the law and lobbying to destroy competitors. Buying competitors, hamstringing them, or making it legally and regulatory

through regulations unprofitable to compete with them. That's become like what a tech guy is. The best tech guys are actually just like regulator guys. It's got nothing to do with technology. Like DoorDash,

and Uber have nothing to do with technology. It's like a retarded app that they made it illegal to compete with or impossible to compete with. They're really pieces of shit. Meanwhile, the evil tech bro is characterized by surface level knowledge and they're all getting one-shotted by AI.

Every tech bro, quote-unquote tech bro, is like every single thing humanity has spent, I don't know maybe 2,000, 10,000 years trying to kill our ego. Like everything good

that we've ever discovered or put into words that have to do with like psychology, understanding yourself, maintaining some sort of sense of inner peace

and getting rid of angst and turmoil and just being a better person. The part of, humanity that is not affected by like technology and, uh, outer factors, just being who you are, all of it, all of it tends, trends toward, uh, killing the ego, understanding your ego and, uh, having your ego be at peace with the outside world. And then AI comes along and it's like the opposite. Everything AI is like, hey, you get any ego in there? Uh, let's pump that thing up, man.

You're fucking amazing. You're basically an artist. What ideas do you have? Oh, give me fucking bro. You're such an idea guy. Feed those ideas into my fucking brain. And you can see it. And the dumbest people just love AI.

People who are sick and deranged in the head, begging for a cult to come take them away. Love AI. It's the opposite of everything. It's the opposite that everything, of everything that, what's the word uh it's not actualization it's like any kind of introspection that we've that we've discovered as a species in the last 10,000 years since we've you know the only ones that seem able to do that anything that we've discovered in the line of uh introspection is just totally

undone by this constant ego renaissance and uh self obsession that it's AI and the worst people, all of these tech guys, not all of them, but most of them, just love it for that reason. Like, holy shit, I am a god. There's some, some fucking, every day, some new shithead, uh, the guy who made Uber tweeted that he used AI to like understand quantum theory and like he was coming up with advancements in it I was like

why would you even think that bro like no one no human being could give you no it would take a very very talented con man

to convince you that you were that smart and yet you've been able to feed yourself this sort of this sort of ego rebirth using a computer uh

they're sick meanwhile the evil tech bro is characterized by surface level knowledge and obsession with maximizing profits and scamming vCs and governments pushing for regulation yeah it's the regulation part and strong egalitarian leanings they ruin everything by trying to turn good tools into get rich quick magic machines i know they're horrible they ruined crypto they ruined nfts well they ruined all software yeah yeah pretty much all our software is captured by indian cognizant it's like indian chop shops who've all gone giving it to Russia, with endless subscriptions and constant updates, and they would have ruined AI, too.

AI is just bad. If it weren't for the Chinese saving it with decent open source LLMs, and that pisses me off. On a side note, have you tried any local LLMs? Yes, they're pretty good now. Yeah, they're great.

Go fuck yourself. God bless the Chinese and Johnny. No. Dickhead Cabin. Hey, Dick. Don't read my name on the air. Whoops. A bunch of us dickheads

rented a party mansion for a week in the woods It has 15 bedrooms Multiple hot tubs A private lake and its own mini golf course Wow It's in Needmore, Pennsylvania The week of September 15th to 19th Vito always says he will come

And bitches out If you're interested message Jackal in the Discord Okay So if you want to go to the East Coast yeah to Pennsylvania no no well if you want to go

message Jackal okay and the Discord insane comment okay let's see what does this say insane comment is a woman alert oh yeah this one

I had to tap This is Vito Warshot. I had to tap out of the Dick's show and Sean left. He clearly felt bummed, burned out, and I did too. It used to be funny, but after Trump got reelected but after Trump got reelected

and Dick started making fun of all the government employees losing their jobs, I couldn't stand it anymore. This asshole felt bad for government employees? Yeah. Biggest problem became too toxic

around the same time because people were doxing Vita's house and Dick didn't care. Sorry for the government employees. That is an insane comment. Right? Women alert. Jim Satat. Woman alert.

Woman alert. Female police officer in Houston, Texas has been placed on desk duty after allegedly pulling a gun on her sister's boy. boyfriend during an argument okay let's see what this is do do do she looks like retarded doesn't she mm-hmm like a ninja turtle in a police outfit she does look like a ninja turtle in a police outfit let's see here brinna say you don't play with me give me the motherfucker right through

Oh, you're going to shoot me over there. Over your sister hitting me in my face. Fuck like me. You're sorry. Oh, N-word. Whoa. Big foul. Y'all already planned it.

You already set it up. I already know. That's fine. But you don't know what I can do. You don't know what I can do to your sister, too. Your sister failed me. We're gonna okay so hell. She should have made sure the shit stuff.

Bitch? I should. You the bitch. I'll be a bitch. I'll be a two one, two. You ain't shoot that game. We got, uh, we need more money for education. Fuck!

If only we had more education. Right. This could be fixed. So easily, these people would be into high lie and charcutory boards. if only we had more education. Fuck! They would be line dancing.

It kind of reminds me of been in Hollywood all week and I saw two bums arguing across the street on each side of Sunset Boulevard. Yeah. And the fat lady bum stole a vape from the fat guy bum. Sure.

Yeah. And he said, you, you dying bitch. And I just went, wow, I think that's going to be my new... Fuck you, you dying bitch. You're dying bitch. God, if only we had gotten them educated. If only we had...

You know, maybe he had enough education. He had too much, do you think? No, just enough. Just enough. Well, to know that every day you're alive, you're slowly dying, right? So I was like, ha, that's kind of, you know, he's kind of right. Yeah, he is. Clay Early says a fat going too close to the sun is called Thickeris, okay?

Like, thanks for the With wax lips Instead of wax wings Wax lips Like Patrick The ones you chew on you Antoid says you got a mention On the Sam Hyde show

All right And I mention on the Hutch's show Holy shit Wow! Let's check it out Tell me how much can we pay For the education to fix What that is I don't know

About 6 million More Alright, it is more You're right League 12 Is the number I keep hearing These days Let's go here

This is Sam Hyde All right Sam Hyde show Okay Man he's killing it Damn He's absolutely killing it

Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh oh how do I do this there we go I don't know why that's cut off

oh okay god so what does Sam shoot in like a hundred to one ratio what the fuck is he playing this on the great wall of China is he playing it on a fat woman's belt the jumbo tron

look at how wide look at how tall it is to how wide it is oh bother I don't know much about that God, look at this. What the hell is this? What device do you play this on, Sam? Four screens.

You play it like on the bottom of the TV while you're watching other stuff? What the fuck is this? Bro. Okay. The resolution is probably the funniest part. It's fucking 500 to... 5,000 to one. Fred's 2,000 inch TV, just diagonally.

Jesus. What monitor could possibly play this? Find me a monitor that could play this. Alright, let's hear it. Oh, bother. I don't know much about that math. Is that Pat, is that frozen, frozen Asian there? Going, winning the poop? Oh, bother?

Okay. Oh, bother. I don't know much about that Maddox guy, but he's looking sick lately. Has he been screened for sickle cell Armenia? It looks like he's in the bad guy from James Bond. You know how when Javier Bardem? And he had those servers It looks like Sam's in like that

Look at all these How many ladders do you need, Sam? Look at the shit Let me see this How many ladders do you fucking have back there? That's a metaphor Because he's never pulled the ladder up For young people

It's a metaphor That's why he has so many ladders So young people can help themselves up Other people will pull the ladder up after them But not Sam The ladders are still there for you to use as for me in my house

we're looking for a screen that can play this though I have to project it on the side of the fucking warehouse okay god I love sand oh bother I don't know much about that

Maddox guy but he's looking sick lately has he been screened sickle cell Armenia? Is Maddox still making stuff? Just being in that joke I think is the latest.

Does he still have a website where he still... I think he made some sort of long video that didn't really hit supposed to be against Dick Masterson. I think that's the last thing he did. Okay. Yeah. Pedro Pascal.

Guess what? It's always going to be the last thing he did. forever the last thing he did he did the last thing maddox did on this earth was make a three hour fuckhead video

about me that didn't land and that's it that was the end of his career I think if he would have made that same video in a cowboy costume it would have hit

a hundred percent agree If he did a half... A banana, I would have to be devastated. First half in the banana costume, second half. I wouldn't even have a child. I would have decided not to have a kid. If he would have done one of those split screen things where it's him as the banana talking to him as the cowboy

weighing in on all this? Amazing content that would have been. Dude, you would have been fucked. I would have been totally blown out. It would be... This show would be at... This show would be at sub five figures. I would be in debt.

Biggest problem would be in the 500 range. 500 figures yeah no it would be in the three figure range what the fuck screen is this supposed to be on is this supposed is there some kind of a pants phone

that's the length of your pants that you watch fucking shit on like your pants Why? How did you even shoot? Why? How did you even shoot this? Is this stitched together? Is this a fucking... Am I retort? Do I have a...

Have I had a stroke? Yeah, I think this is the best joke I've ever seen. It's a fucking format. How the fuck do you watch this shit? I gotta blow it up and use binoculars to see the middle of what the fuck? You gotta watch it on a virtual boy I gotta turn around to see what's happening on the other side of the screen It's on fucking Oculus format

It's on Oculus format I could be right up Sam's nose watching this shit I don't know much about that Maddox guy But he's looking sick lately Has he been screened for sickle cell Armenia? Is Maddox still making stuff? Uh, just being in that joke, I think, is the latest.

He doesn't, does he still have a website where he's still... I think he made some sort of long video that didn't really hit supposed to be against Dick Masterson. I think that's the last thing he did. That's the last thing he did. And then he died. Alone. Alone.

With his gay little dog. He has some gay little dog. Now. My dog's... great. His dog sucks. Coffin will have the the green screen of his mansion he lives in in the back behind it too.

His coffin? Whatever small box they put him in. You know what? When he dies, I'm going to get a bigger grave. Only do it like a centimeter bigger, though. Yeah. Just slightly bigger. Same graveyard.

Get buried on top of his grave. Yeah. I'll get in there. pay him to dig it up. God, this fucking video. You have to watch it on a Twix bar, I think. All right. And Hutch, he says, played a video. Okay. I love Hutch, you know, that goofball. Eric, thanks so much for $5.00. There's J.

Okay. Let's see here. Is this not going to fucking work or what? Fucking VLCs. Hold on. Fuck! Eric, thanks so much for... They just don't live and re-an...

What the fuck is... Okay, there we go, there we go. It's fucked up at the beginning. Just constant bullshit. Constant fucking bullshit. Hassan versus contra points. Man, these liberals are so blown out. They have no fucking idea what's going on.

That's why I'm like, you guys got to stop talking about weed. Stop talking about weed. Don't give them... Just shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up with your ass I think again everybody Don't tell me how bad it is But don't tell me how good it is either

You gotta win Everybody shut the fuck up If you're if your principles If your principles are more important to you Than winning elections You are evil That's it If you have any priorities above winning

In politics I mean when it comes to like You know having principles and stuff You're just like You're just useless. You're worthless. Yeah. You're worthless. Well, yeah, but it's not perfect.

Okay, well, the guys who like want to do a fucked version are going to win then. So you're voting for that. You're doing the fucked version. Yep. You're proving, and you're proving a point to fucking no one.

It's like their version of like, what if I did it? Well, what if you did have breakfast this morning? Well, what if that is going to lose your shit then? Oh, but it's not. Yeah. It's not.

Yeah, it is, bro. fucking is I lived this already Bate with Dick Masterson on PCA was legendary Not boring at all Wait a minute Did Hut did Hutch shave his head

Did I give him leukemia or something How come I can't see this shit Is he Scott Adams maxing? Is that guy dead yet Is Medeker dead? Do you think he's dead? I don't know man Who man Who's he gonna

If he's not Who's he gonna come back Yeah, it's online. We'll be the next. The incredible not sick man. Yeah. Hey, everybody. I hate Ralph too.

The golden lung. All right. Let me see if this works. There we go. Eric, thanks so much for $5. There's J6 debate with Dick Masterson on PCA was legendary. Yeah, it was boring at all. It was boring.

You don't understand. It was boring. That conversation with. Dick Masterson It was way more boring for me actually It was more boringer for me I found it to be tedious And simple-minded and stupid

I was bored the whole time You texted me and even said it was shallow and pedantic I texted you during the debate And I said this is shallow and pedantic And nothing will be gained from this And even less It's even stupider than I can even say than I can put into words

is how dumb and boring it was but let's hear your opinion I'm sure I'm sure you thought it was thrilling compared to how boring I thought it was Right Because they don't engage in reality Exactly what I thought about you

I just don't live in reality You don't live in reality You live in surreality actually Oh shit Like fucking Salvador Dali Except it's all Instead of clocks melting

It's dildo's melting up your ass Fuck, that's a What a dimension Officers got fucking mutilated that day Several police officers I mean we're talking over Two dozen police officers had serious injuries Who gives a fuck

Over a hundred officers total had injuries Oh my God They were all rapists All of the cops that were injured on January 6th We're all they all had violated women sexually and which Hutch is pro, I guess

if he's for that at least half of those at least probably 40% of those cops had beat their wives so I guess Hutch really doesn't want wife beaters to get mutilated you know

me? I think wife mutilators, beaters should get mutilated but that's just me you know I'm just a regular guy you know I find this response even boring

well those injuries were so severe that the police had to that the police needed tampons their injuries were so severe some guy got his eye poked out some guy got his rib cage crushed officer officer

Queerenstein it's like this this like NPR like look at There's, like, outrage, though, but like, look at all this stuff. It's like, yeah, fuck those people. I don't give his shit. Fuck them, yeah. Superman is in ice now.

I don't know if you know that, but we don't have to give a shit about this stuff anymore. That, yeah. Dean Kane, who blocked me on Twitter, but I deserved it. Well, he saw your last name. Yeah, I'm going to get this guy early. He said, Masterson, hmm, can't trust. God damn, I don't know if this is a slant. Don't say, God damn, if you don't know how.

to say it hutch don't say it like a soccer mom okay yeah you know those god damn i don't know if this is a you know you gotta say it god damn you know you gotta really say it god damn it you have to have if you're gonna blaspheme the lord make it count make it count is it a slur what i'm thinking in my mind He's a skinhead now? Look at his head. It's a derogatory term. Cool.

Like where this is going. Is of uncertain etymology and is only attributed from the early 19th century. It's considered a derogatory term. Is it a slur, though? He's goddamn fucking idiots. What the fuck is going on?

Like January 6th is like the best example of why it's just not, I don't, find it all that productive to fucking go back and forth with a with maggot people like January. Oh, you know what? Well, you're going to be very productive when we

force you on to train cars at gunpoint and send you to productivity camps. You're going to be very productive. You're going to be writing poetry all day. Here's all this progress that they wanted so much. We're going to dress you in hamburger clothes and we're going to make you stream to each other

and write poetry and go down on your fat wives as the hamburgler as the hamburgler gobble gobble robble you'll say then you're going to find it very productive hutch your days are numbered

once we get done with the once we get done with all the illegals if you hear about a car that fell off the side of the mountain later today It's because I was envisioning Hamburgerer eating out of a fat

Rave-Rave-Rave-Rav-Rav-Barram. Grimmis, but she's wearing like a chiquita banana. Oh. Grimus tricked the hamburger into eating him out. You know? Because he doesn't have a wiener and he doesn't, you know,

you don't know. He's just got a zipper. Yeah, he's got nothing. He's like a fuck. Grimus is like a piece of shit. He is a fuck. And a piece of shit. Did you see that cardboard car

that I sent you this week? Dude. A car made it a cardboard. That picture you sent me when you were describing it you were like it's a cardboard car I was like yeah it's probably got some embellishments well because I've seen a lot yeah so I was like I was prepared yeah and then you sent the picture and I was not prepared somehow total cardboard car literally just as you described it yeah a car made out of cardboard hutch is quaking in fear he's afraid to debate me on the he's he's afraid to debate to debate

on, not on the facts, but on the meaning. And that's what's important. Meaning is what's important. Facts are, they're for like pedophiles, retarded, you know, retarded people mostly. They're stupid. Right. You know?

But he's afraid to debate on the meaning of things. Well, look, man, he's afraid he's going to have to pull up in a cardboard car, you know, to a F1 race. Yeah, it's done. No context. He had to shave his head to try to disguise himself. this Lex Luthor looking motherfucker what is what's happening here

dude he's uh he's Scott Adams maxing man he's gonna move to his own neighborhood next 206 is a perfect example of that like they found their way through that imagine that like imagine finding your way through that imagine seeing what happened on January 6 and then being okay with Donald Trump

pardoning fucking everybody that was there yeah I wish that they would have killed everyone what are you talking about fuck the government what the hell what do you think the second amendment's for, retard? What do you think the first amendment is for, hey, government, we're going to kill you. The second amendment

is for, can we make, can we do that? You're goddamn right, we can. You guys better stop fucking around. Literally what it's for. That's, it says, explicitly it says, hey, this first two amendments, first one is to say you're going to kill the government. Second one is to do it. Can you

believe they try to do that? Yes. Oh, wow. Can you believe it took this long for people to do it? check um all right uh reverend stock woman alert reverend uh revan scott woman alert woman alert it is legal it is illegal to pay men and women differently because of their sex in Australia, isn't it? Yes.

Yeah, okay. Thank you. How long has that been the case? I guess since the pay act, it's the late 60s. Yeah. Late 60s, yeah. Is the data you publish on comparing male pay versus female pay on a like-for-like job basis? No, Senator, it very clearly is not, and that doesn't intend to be.

Okay. Then what the fuck? it never occurred to me that it was not intended to be I just like gave them the benefit of the doubt and so like oh wow a comparison you're comparing like things right I didn't think to ask yeah stupid me so you could for example publish airline employees and majority of pilots are men at the moment women are increasing and a majority of hostesses are female so it would show a skewed towards the men. Because pilots are paid more than those deaths. That's absolutely right. That is the gender pay gap. That's what the gender pay gap calculates.

It is not seeking to calculate a like-for-like comparison. The definition is, and let's say we're doing an average. They don't care. The average salaries of all men and the average salaries of all women and a comparison between the two. That is the simple, clear definition of the gender pay gap. Isn't that a, it's not on a like-to-like basis, it doesn't accommodate our... Unbelievably retarded.

Yeah, isn't that totally pointless? Yeah, we all know that you guys get paid less, because you don't fucking do anything. Yeah, we know. There's jobs generally. So our calculation seeks to allow for, it annualizes part-time or part-year earnings to an annualized full-time equivalent basis so that it does account and allow for the differences and make a fair comparison for people who are working non-full-time versus full-time but that's very clear but it is it is not a like-for-like comparison and it doesn't seek

to make that comparison isn't it well then it's not a fucking comparison then is it yeah it's just like numbers. That's just, yeah. Hey, 40, 12. Oh, is that a is that a comparison? Yeah, of what? Fucking anything to do with anything. Nothing that's similar,

nothing that's alike. Oh, so it's just numbers. All right. Then misleading? Not when the definition of what we're calculating is very clear. We're very clear on what the gender pay gap seeks to calculate. And as I said earlier,

okay, okay, thank you. A lot of word salad, but no actual salad. No actual salad. Jake Thornton. Oh, no, I says, okay, Zexi Lover. Everything I wanted and more, from Tim Robbins to Baskin Robbins. I think you said that. Renegade Priest, that trailer trash fatty was the funniest damn thing I've seen all week.

Mike Dick, as this 165-pound man that lives with the rule, anything that weighs more than me ain't getting on this ride. I approved the show Weight Watchers, and I'll watch every episode. Thank you. Nick NCT 88. Dick out here Blessing the fans with more content than he's ever done on top of looking after a newborn.

The future looks bright. Thank you. Zach says Dick has done such a fantastic job handling veto and his manipulation attempt that is ruining the show. I canceled my biggest problem membership and upgraded my Dick show membership to $10 a month. Thank you, Dick. Keep it up.

Thank you. Gentleman sausage. I'll have you know that this is Dr. Wallace Breen And while he may be a controversial figure, he did arguably buy humanity time against the combine. So he wants to

get online and watch some... What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know. Captain Cheese said, biggest problem might be two of two on bald retard co-host, but the Dick Show is two for two on audio engineers. Keep up the good work, Johnny. Holy shit. Thanks, Captain Cheese.

Fat Watch. Oh, shit. And then Fat Watch. I guess that's all the stuff I have for today. It's 2.30 anyway. Thanks, everybody. Yeah, it's time to do Fat Watch. Fat Watch today in Fat News.

Okay. This is... I sent you a couple. You did send me a couple. Today in Fat News, sorry the post was deleted. God fucking damn it. This is from Johnny. You could set this one up.

I think this is... Oh, well, this is... Dude, this shit is deranged. This is more... This is a different watch. This is... We don't know what this is. Okay, so I'll set this one up.

So people always ask me, mostly close friends and people I send memes to, they go, man, your explorer feed must be fucked, to which I say, you couldn't even begin to comprehend. And so today from Johnny's Explorer feed, I bring you the newest low in entertainment, which is this lady charges a premium price to take a picture of you and your one of your deceased loved ones and makes an AI video out of it where they turn and walk to heaven. They give you one last hug and then they walk to heaven.

But whatever the fuck this lady's doing The animation's always bad It's always choppy Dude, I thought you were kind of out of line When you sent this to me And it was just going to be like a It's like a little bit video But it's totally fucked

The whole account is like this And again, I felt out of line sending it Because I'm like Dick, I know that this lady's trying To be reverent and on You know, find a new way to kind of bring like No, but she's hashtagging it Right First of all she's hashtagging it with

Picture video Totally retarded hashtags. Yeah. See, I was trying to think like... Stairway to Heaven? Yeah, okay, yeah. So here... So we'll have to dive into...

Set to Diana Russ. Yes, so we'll dive into the account afterwards. Mm-hmm. This has got to be an Indian account. Well, no, and you'll see in a sec. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, thank you,

Tressa for trusting me to create a custom picture video in memory of your loved one. Heart emoji... Uh, donkey? emoji. So one of my best friends said, Johnny, you got to send her a picture of us and say that I died. Yeah. So that way it could be the only

post on his Instagram. And so all of our friends will be like, wait, he's dead? Like, what the fuck? Like, dude, I want to send a picture of me at Maddox. Well, that's what I'm saying. It's just like there's so much opportunity for this to be a funny When he's, no, send a picture of Maddox when he's sitting with his like, in the bowling alley

with his like, mangina. And he gets stands up and then turns and walks to heaven. Yeah, as you'll see from this. Okay. Like I said, we'll dive into the account afterwards so you can see the... A heartfelt tribute to a life that left a lasting impact. Okay, here we go. So that was obviously the picture, and now it's already AI and weird. And it's three black women hugging each other.

But it's already AI and fucked up. You can tell. No. Now the woman has grown angel wings out of her back. And the picture's fading away. and she's turning away and I guess walking into what will become heaven and the pearly gates have appeared get the fuck out of here dude she's waving and scampering off into heaven it's like a fatality and mortal combat

heavenality and the account only gets better that was the first one I saw Tell me why the road turns Yeah, click on the account So go in the Reels tab Because that's where you get it Oh yeah, she does obituaries She does other cards There's a lot of...

Where's the Reels tab? It's in the middle of the little video But yeah Okay So scroll down a little bit Maybe a little bit further And you'll see some of the There you go

All the ones that start off in the picture What the fuck? Dude What the fuck? I'm telling you man My Explorer feed I live I'm gonna shoot for the sky

No! No! No! But the guy that I know would never ever let me go. Oh, no, no, no. It's so hard to let go. Bro, what the fuck! The transition effects and everything else, dude.

So it's a black guy. Wait, okay, what's the original picture? Was he praying in the original picture? He's got big angel wings that have blue tips. It looks like your friend who's been drawing Goku all day in class animated this. Why does heaven look like this to these guys? It's always the same. A very distinct blue.

Why are there seagulls in heaven? Is it next to the dump? Is this black heaven? It's next to the... Fucking city dump? There's dumping bodies up here? That angle. He's skipping steps, man.

Here we go. Off to heaven. Well, then, so back out of this one, there's... What the fuck is this? I'm telling you, man. The song, the visual... Why was there a fucking... Yeah, no.

So it's like... It goes black and white, and so it's like someone... it's like she was editing in the video timeline and like forgot to you know kill a couple of I truly don't know how the fuck oh this I'm thank you Thomasine for trusting me to create a custom picture video in memory of your love is this is this a fake account

no dude this is real it's got a phone number up at the top bro yeah this is real special moments custom printing click on any of these and I'm dude the brand you don't have a yeah No, this is

Need obituaries, contact So she'll make you an obituary Where you're like all airbrush graphics and stuff It is Dude, somebody get a Maddox one Please So Okay, wait

Where's that hot girl? Here we go Because a mother's love Is unconditional With more I'm telling you Dude, this is someone's mom Right, right

Because you can see the little fucking guy behind her And the song is a mother's love And she gets fucking Independence Dayed up to heaven Dude Surprise I'm back

Yeah Goodbye Oh yeah Yeah this is like Some Nathan Fielder level Like I'm sorry I died I'm sorry I died Yeah

Oh and slow-mo If you couldn't do the frame rate on a high for it What is this shit? That's what I'm saying Someone paid money for this Johnny, this is fucked Dude

I'm just What the fuck is this shit Come on Don't do this to a little kid He's lightning man He's gonna fucking shoot up into space With lightning powers Yeah, dude.

No. No, kid, don't... What are you fucking doing a jig for? Dude. He's like the electricity Gremlin, from Gremlin's 2. Part of the reason I sent this to you, because I'm sure it was at like 2 in the morning or something, because I figured I just got off work,

had a few drinks, and was like, am I having a stroke? Is this real? Like, I'm sending it to you in case, like, I forget somehow. I didn't forget, but I'm so glad you remember. Oh, is he on the yellow brick road now? Right. No, somebody tell me this is fake.

They always turn. The seagulls in heaven. Yeah, they always turn and walk to heaven. Bro. He's like excited to go to heaven. That's the, this whole... What is all this shit for? Oh yeah, the obituaries are good too.

Okay, these are like, that's... That makes a little more... Normal. That's normal. It's crass, but it's normal. Correct. Rather, gosh, if you were to ask me. Oh, this one killed me. The songs always are so good, too. Right? So it's like a high school kid hugging his mom. Don't tell me he gets angel wings and shoots off in his face. Do not tell me. If this kid gets angel wings, I'm going to fucking lose it. I'm going to fucking lose it. I'm gonna tell this lady we died and to have you I'm gonna have us both fucking lose it

if this guy gets angel wings I am gonna lose my fucking mind I'm gonna rip my skin off dude they never said it would be easy but I can't stop crying sometimes I wish god damn it god damn it

look there he goes god damn it there he goes right into heaven there's the gates Terry fucking goes Dude He never said it would be easy But I can't stop crying

Sometimes I wish I had me a cheating So I can stop tired Oh and he shoots He plays basketball too Come Watch Watch Watch him shoot the hoop

He gives a hug Right Goes in for the embrace And then he pulls a basketball Out of his ass He goes in for the shot and then walk the heaven. Bro, why would you put that in the fucking angel thing?

I want to see what her prompts were. I want to see what you have to type in. And how is it spelled? Yeah, that's why there's the frame rate's bad. Like, look. You already see the angel. What is this shit? I saw a knock shit.

Yes. What is the fuck is this? Dude, I'm telling you, I lost sleep because I was just scrolling and laughing. What is that? That's all fake? Do it for me. Why is she going up that... Why are they all in such a rush to get into heaven?

This is so fucked up. This is so fucked up. It's so fucked, dude. Oh, God. Here's this asshole's fucking 500 years old. Oh, just you wait, dude. Well, who's dead? Who the fuck is dead?

Is it this guy with the bluey shorts? Or is it this fucking guy with the Tom and Jerry shirt? You don't have any better pictures than a fucking Tom and Jerry shirt for the AI funeral? Alright, who's going up? And you heard him call. So I love how the song keeps playing with the video. Video loops.

What? The chair has angel wings. This is the funniest thing that has ever been found. Dude, I'm gonna send, uh... I'm telling you. I'm gonna send a picture of my wife, me and my wife in. Dude, that's what I'm saying. My wife died.

The possibility. She was killed by her husband. sure she turns and walks into heaven? Or is that extra? Like, dude, I'm telling you, I saw this. Can you put her shooting a basket? Oh, my God, dude. I watch this.

Oh, my God. Are these gay lovers? Oh, he's got dark gay angel wings. He's got like chinchilla wings. Look at how many steps there are. It's like he's walking up to a Chinese temple You couldn't do a better one than that You couldn't do it over

Well you know technically we're scrolling down So it's earlier in her process right That's still unacceptable It's before she hit her group What the fuck is that? The gold wing Dude Fucking gold wing over here

Oh my god Oh yeah this bitch needs to go Look at this fucking bruiser Gold brown deep fried Jesus Christ Oh oh Oh no Is it making his escape

He's looking like he's fucking escaping What the fuck is this? It's got brain rot Okay Yeah so if you were A loved one dies soon Be sure to hit this lady up Yeah you

Here comes lightning man again You can be light You can have lightning powers I love the slow mo too Now it's like Oh Jesus The fucking wings of the turn

it's like Schwarzenegger like you're waiting to see when they're I'll be back it's occurring to me that she always has them do the turn so she can show like look at I had them do angel wings oh there's heaven there's fucking heaven dude I'm telling you is there like a better heaven

that we're you know it's just the golden gates and where am I going I want to turn around there comes the seagulls oh they're doves in this one okay Dude His wings went away Johnny, this is fucked

Bro, welcome to my explorer feed If people want to say... Oh, Kogan! Oh my God! Oh, no! Oh, he doesn't get no wings? It's because he's white, so... Oh, yeah. Yeah, is that a QR code

on someone's obituary? That's like all extra tacky. Is there One more. You don't know what I've been to. I mean, they're all pretty, like, the obituaries are just bad. I've actually read the close-up on one of them, and it's like, this is so-and-so. She had this many sisters, this many family members, blah, blah, blah.

And it's like nothing about the person, like, that you would care about. Well, he was a fentanyl dealer who died doing what he loved. Well, you're right. That doesn't make it so fun. Well, because, like, look at the one next to your mouse up there, like the orange one. It's like, oh, that's a lot of words. Then you zoom it on it. And it's like, she loves.

Like, well, no, this is making me, these will make me sad. Well, but that's the thing is, like, none of them are like identifying, like, wow, this person really loved doing things. It's just like, yeah, this person existed and now she's dead. Like, welcome. And then. Now you're on an Instagram page. Well, then there's credits, too.

So, like, all the pallbearers get a shout out, all the, like, all the, dude, it's reads. Is that it? Okay, where was the one where she discovered that you could do this? No, no, no, no. Yeah, so. What's the first one? patient zero right ground zero in the ground zero of well in heaven in heaven yeah but okay this is unreal yeah so at some point she's like you know

what's going to take my business to the next level is AI and this is this her that is catfish sandwiches I think so I think this is her okay this one's it this is the first one okay here we are folks No. Oh, she vanished. Oh, she vanished. Wow, that was before she thought to type Gates in, too. Javarius.

Javarius Wilson, everybody. Funeral arrangements for him. Gavarius kicked this off. Greatly loved, deeply missed. Well, Jafarius. Was he a midget? Look at this. He's got like a head here.

The perspective is crazy, yeah. What's going on here? And then she said jackpot. This is it. I got it. That's what I'm saying. It's a sick thing. It's sick, but I can't stop.

And this was number two. She's flying around like Roblox. Here she goes. Watch this. Boi-o-o-yo-yo-yo-yo-o-oing. So long, sucker. It's like the wings. matter more than the person.

I love the few frames of just stillness and then... Yeah. Yeah, you can see how it kind of took shape. Here I think we have the full... Here's the first... Here's the gates, I think. Oh, there's lightning. There's the gates.

Yeah. Here's the turn. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and the dramatic shake, dude. Okay. Okay. And then here maybe we have the full realization of the idea. All the click to zoom in to is always good. And so many lives, but only God knows, but the pain deep inside.

He's electrocuting Oliver, Oliver of Sons, I guess. All right. That's it. Goodbye, everybody. watch us we turn and walk into heaven now don't do that shit to me presenting if ever there's a last episode we have to do that for the both of us we have to do that to Sean

we have to put Sean on the angel thing I'm going to send them I'm going to send them this picture I'm going to send her this picture of us oh my God and Sean turns and gives you a hug and turns and turns and walks into heaven. Oh my God. You have to.

Yes. What the fuck is Hutch talking about? There's no talking. Who cares? He needs to turn and walk into heaven, or at least rip his skin off. Yeah, turn and walk into heaven. Shave more off of your head. Like, shave the whole thing off.

All I care about these days, rip your skin off or turn and walk into heaven. Get out of here. Get the fuck. Go into heaven. Well, just don't animate a chimp with his skin off and then not. I'm sorry, what were you talking about? We're talking about Better Man. Oh!

Well, talking about... Whoa! Because, whoa! All I want to... Again, if I see you come out on stage or try and tell me anything, I'm either going to shout, rip your skin. Rip your skin up. Or turn and walk into heaven.

Hashtaghtag, stairway to heaven, hashtag, why was she tagging stairway to heaven? That's not what that means. In case all the Zeppelin fans wanted in on this too. I'm sure Zeppelin fans really want to see black people turning around and growing wings and going to heaven. Hashtag Angel Wings. How about hashtag obituary? Don't hashtag a fucking obituary.

No one wants to stumble upon that shit. Yeah, but this is my business page, Dick. You don't understand. I'm trying. Everybody go to special moments custom printing. Everybody buy this shit. This is the greatest thing you could ever buy anybody. It's probably like a hundred bucks, too.

I'm sure the first thing we'll see is Fido in a box. Fido in a bluey shirt turn and walking to heaven. It's going to be... Jesus Christ. All right, goodbye. See you, everybody.