The Dick Show - Episode 474 - Dick on The Stunterverse

Episode Date: August 31, 2025

I catch a guy watering a spider at the grocery store, a Federal Reserve governor commits mortgage fraud, entering the North Korea baby stage, "Stunters" the viral piece of garbage game, a brief Superkiller review, Trump catches a bad contractor, EBT and candy and soda, sex for rent in Canada and everywhere, and Johnny's Brain Rot corner; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Yeah, motherfucker. What are you, Davey dope ass? Davey too dope? Should be Davey dumb fuck. Davey two dicks in his ass. Davey two dicks up his ass. Making comments like that. What an asshole, yeah.

Duck fucking dimwit. Davey the duck fucking dimwit. Davey duck fucker. Davey two dicks up his ass is the best one. I have a six week old. newborn that's about

five feet away from me and I can feel his stare into the back of my head while he's in there trying to be is this not working is this fucking

is this new Patreon thing not working and I'm only six minutes late I'm only six fucking minutes late set up live set up the fucking live then

go live now no Not a computer webcam, you fuck Dude, of course it just doesn't work Start live, another streaming source Is it working? It's claiming This is so fucked

I see Hart's popping up Of course they don't just have your stream key Why would they? Why would they have that? Bro, Patreon, get your fucking shit together Yeah, reload Oh my god Oh my god

Oh my god Well I can't cut out all that Davey gavy shit So I guess Patreon's just not getting their own Special feed That's too good man Here I was talking about testing live And squirging out about testing live

And I can't even get my own shit work I can't even get my own paid shit working. I'll figure it out. You know what? I'm fucking, I'm doing it. Fuck this. We're doing it. I'm doing it live.

Fuck this. I'm going to change it. What changes are there to save? Does it work or not? Set up live? Yes. Allow. I don't want it streaming from a camera, though.

What is this crap? I got a questionnaire two weeks ago that says, Why haven't you tried the pay? Why isn't no one trying the Patreon live stream shit? We just clip this and set it to Jack? Shove it right up his ass. Say this is why, Jack. Because it's fucking retarded.

Because it fucking sucks. Turn off the chat. Yeah, there we go. Disable reactions. That's what I need. Learn more, yeah. What the fuck? All right, I'm going to stop streaming for one second.

Okay, and then I'll start streaming again. It should pick it up. Are you giving me pigs in the chat, everybody? Yeah, give me pigs in the chat. No, I'm fixing this now. I am in charge of my destiny in this room. I don't have any say about anything that's happening anywhere else. I can't see it.

Okay, I'm ending it live. Now I'm going to do this. Oh, tell me I can't even pick up where I left off. Dude, this is such fucking garbage. Bro Create Oh, you have to do a whole new post Live, create live

Go live now Other streaming source Actual live stream Paid members Look how fast I am at this shit Lightning speeds Yeah Okay that

That That That Save Yeah Start recording Don't try Don't give me that shit

This says it's gonna just start If this says it's gonna just start If this just starts I will eat my own dick Okay Let's go We're waiting Well we're waiting

Dude this is such David gave you fucking asshole Is this going now That's going Is it frozen or is it going Oh Bro if it's frozen I'm gonna die It's fucking frozen

It just starts I will eat my own dick No it's going Okay It's working No rumble's not frozen Refresh it Refresh it, shithead. Well, you left out the shithead part.

Okay, well, when does it start? Start the live! Of course it's not working. Of course not. Other streaming services, yeah. I did. I did. Patreon. Yeah.

Yeah. work. I mean, come on, man. Yeah. QVC, yeah. That's it. Save. At least the audio is good. It just doesn't fucking work, man. Look, it doesn't work. Go live now. No, you can't do it. And this is the same key, right? Unbelievable. It's unfucking believable with this shit. Unfucking believable with this shit.

How do you be worse than rumble? What was I talking about? I guess it's rumble only. It's rumble only because it's, this is trash. this is trash this is trash yeah garbage yeah amazing the one button it won't dude right it's i know it's working go to the streaming software click start streaming i did start streaming uh okay okay fuck it i'm just gonna do this forever right fuck it the tech support show? What was I talking about?

Davey Gavey. With two dicks in his ass. With two dicks in his ass? I'm six minutes late. Now I'm what? 13 minutes late? That's pretty good for the amount of pressure

that I'm under. Do you look like God's thumb is just pressed right on you? What part of my body do you think does it look like God's thumb is pressed on? Man, you know how hard it is drinking with a fucking six-week-old?

It's not. worth it. It's not worth it. Not even one beer is worth it. Not even one. Because you feel every sip of that beer the opposite way. And that's not, usually you don't. Usually you get to pace out and take a nice snooze for the back half of the beer. But the back nine of that beer, it feels as bad coming out of your brain as it felt going into your brain. So I don't recommend it. No, sir. I don't think I am, Sam. I. How does that? Does it go? No, sir. Do you like Sam? I am? No, I fucking hate Sam I am. How does that Dr. Swee-S... I do not like them, Sam I am? I do not like one fucking beer with a six-week-old. I had in my notes from last week. I had the nightmares. I make little notes throughout the week, you know, my little notepad to see just in case it inspires me to talk about something. Usually the act of writing it down is what's important. You write it down and then it goes into a different part of your brain.

male part of your brain. Otherwise, you're just, otherwise you're just a woman. Um, uh, and I wrote down, I saw on my notes from last week, because sometimes I'll copy them over if I forget like an interesting thing that I wanted to talk about. I saw from last week, the nightmare, nightmare's over. Baby's getting, baby's getting easy. And I wrote this at five weeks and five days. Whoa! Boy! Pico top! Pico top delusion, that was. You fucked up.

Fucking nightmare. That's what they should be in that milk class that I went to, where they taught the dumbest things in the fucking world about how to feed your baby that were all retarded, where they taught you, you know, where the lady was switching around the black babies so the black woman that wasn't crazy. Pasadena, I guess.

They got those there. They should have led with that. Hey, by the way, in six weeks, after your baby's born, it's going to be a living nightmare. That's what we call the, that's what we call ego death. That's what we call true, true ego death. You guys have all blasted your minds on amphetamines and drugs, right? And everyone would look around and everyone would go, yeah, of course, everyone has. And that's ego death, right?

You feel no more of yourself and you realize what a piece of shit. You don't have to act like this. So you can just say sorry sometimes. You don't always have to have the last word. None of this matters. You got a lot more in common with people than you think, right? It's okay to feel a little bit like that sometimes, but then you got to look at some FBI crime statistics, you know?

You got to even it out. You got to get home, pop some Adderall, power through some FBI crime statistics. This, six weeks in, I feel the opposite. opposite. Well, and again, you said the magic words. As an engineer who's worked on projects, you know this firsthand, the two things you can't ever say, or I'm coming home on time, and this is going really easy. It's going really well. Yeah. Baby shit's no problem, man. I got this little fucker. You're not looking hard enough. I got this little fucker. You are not observing.

Oh my God. You know what it is. See, the babies, everyone always talks about their babies like they're great. Like, I was sitting, I was sitting in the chair this, uh, This $500 chair that I bought my wife in a panic because I sat in her chair and said this thing is fucked. I'm not making her sit on her ass on this rocking chair for two years or whatever. I went the next day and bought like some ultra-cush gliding chair, right? So I'm sitting in that chair last night. And the thing with the babies is they got like a sense of when they got like a sense of when you're putting them down. They're a lot like a beer that cries.

You go to put them down in the crib and the same. second you take your hands off it's a like they're like uh totally chill right and then you put them down the second your hands leave and they go ah like they don't like it sounds like my beers already actually yeah that's what my beers that's what they say to me with their little mouths hey ah ah ah oh whoa whoa oh that's what it was like before that was that was another guy that was a guy who got it all had it all figured out i have so much figured out i'm just going to have a kid since i'm figuring things out um since i'm fucking mr figured it out mr fucking smart guy i'm gonna sue trump for getting elected and making me feel like the future is going to be

better so i should have a son right what was i saying oh yeah you put him down so i'm like fuck it my wife sleeping i always feel bad for not helping enough with herb uh i'm like fuck it i'm just going to take this one i'll sit with them in the chair, the chair, which is now like an electric, it feels like an electric chair, right? I'm sitting in the electric chair. It is an electric chair. And they put the, as a joke, the Chinese put the loudest motor possible in the reclining mechanism. Ah, this would be funny. That make a noise. They wake up the baby, right? You push it and goes, aye, aye, aye. Pushing the fucking feet thing out.

I don't even know if baby shit's funny, to be honest. Me being miserable is funny, so that's been working for 12 years. Why I change now? I'm sitting there in the Chinese chair of death holding my son, who only sleeps

on me. And I'm looking at the clock. I put a little clock on the window. I don't know. Oh, you're just... Dude, because if you don't have a clock in there, it's like the episode of the Sopranos where that fat gay guy goes to work and he's like oh that was like an eight hour day and it's like 9.05 and I'm like oh what the

like if you don't have a clock where you're holding the baby you're like okay it's got to be it's got to be her turn now it's only been it's gone backwards in time what um did you know this let me let me tell you drop some science information on you since this is a science and rage based podcast did you know that your eyes are always on

okay your eyeballs yeah they's always on did you know that that's fact number one did know that's fact number one did know that's Back toy number one. Then I'm going to get, by the way, EVS, Dick Show, crossover event, Wednesday. I will get this, I will get this Patreon streaming shit worked. I'm going to try it. I'm going to test it before the time. I thought it would just work. Because I thought they were, you know, cleaning up their act over at Patreon, but they're still fucking stupid. EVS Dick Show Crossover

Biggest problem in Super Killer Maybe we're calling it Or maybe what's better Who wins? I saw him versus Superkiller Which is the better story? Which is the better I've devised a rubric

The Race to the Bottom? I saw him versus Superkiller The Race to the Bottom I've designed a rubric Or do you want to lose that one is the thing Do you know we're all You know who's the real loser on that one The audience, all of us

I've devised a rubric That I'm going to use to compare the two Vito's already fucking tripping out Texting EVS at a baseball game Vito's blowing up his phone Because he's the only guy that hasn't blocked Vito You know, stupid All right

He's saying he's tweeting deleting tweeting, tweeting, like, oh, okay, totally everything, it's just so, I, I, it's, I'm genuinely braffled by why they would have a, why they'd even want to talk about, I'm genuinely, it's, I find it, I find it genuinely hilarious, like, yeah, well, if only your comic was genuinely hilarious, you wouldn't be worried about that, if only you'd put as much time freaking out, let me tell you something that, this is my biggest problem in Super Killer, all right, I'm give you a preview and then I'm going to finish the baby story because babies are are North Korea two baby stories no it's the same baby story my life is just one long baby story now

yeah I know and I and it's a problem for me because you know most people including my wife are susceptible to propaganda so if you put them in a situation their minds will adjust to the propaganda, to the conditioning. They see, like Picard, even, I saw, he said, number one, you know, I'm gonna fucking be, I gotta be honest with you. Remember the episode of started it? He goes, number one, I ain't gonna fucking bullshit you. This is fucking no cap.

Number one, get your fucking ass. Turn the chair around, sit in it properly. He said, sit your ass down. I gotta talk to you about the fucking Kardashian slave camp that I was, prison torture camp that I was in. He goes, I saw fucking five lights. By the end, I fucking saw them, but I said four to fucking be a prick to the Cardassians, but I saw five because of the mental...

Remember that part of the episode? Fagely. It's all coming back to me. Why don't you say there's four lights then? Or five... Was it four or five? Which one was he... What was he there?

And what was he supposed to see? I think he was supposed to see five. And there was four. That would make sense, because as you get dizzy, it blurs and becomes like, you don't know what you're seeing. At Latin, he's just being an asshole. Just being a, like, that's not a good moral. Get tortured.

So, like, you don't give the other guy a win. He should have just, Kirk would have said, yeah, see five. And then he would have, the guy would have been like, would you really see five? Yeah. Don't torture me anymore. That's a good, that's a good role model. Not, yeah, I argued with him for four days and got tortured for no reason. And then the Enterprise showed up and killed them.

well why'd you get tortured then jackass yeah you could have just let let go just get let go right away it's boomers in space boomers in space Star Trek next generation boomers in space I want to see like a next generation

again like the next next next or the final you know some next capicard with broccoli hair like that it's all the same thing but they all have broccoli hair and use a modern vernacular and all the chicks are fat oh boy more fat aliens

everyone in the show is It's a fat black chick. Yeah. Fuck, fat. Every alien is fat and black. That's Star Trek the next generation. It is.

Captain Picard, Data. Captain Picard, we've got another space. Don't, don't say it, Data. You're not allowed to say it. It's the USS Soul Enterprise. Like Soulplane and all that shit. Oh, a fat and black alien, huh? Oh, all right.

what's your problem oh don't you talk to me like that oh hell no you didn't no you didn't oh man you seen that fucking that bitch from the federal reserve governor board so the federal reserve is the entity that runs our financial system

and you know squeezes blood out of every American grinds our bones to make their bread uh Lisa Cook is a member of the governors of the federal reserve so she's like in charge of it

Black woman. I mean, at this point, we don't, we're not doing that 90s shit anymore where it's not obvious what's happening. She's there because she's black. Oh, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

She filled out two, she applied for two mortgages for two primary residences at the same time, and then a third, a little bit later, also primary, primary residence,

just blatant mortgage fraud, right, to get a better rate because you get a better rate on your primary residence. It should be better rate by like, you know, 10,000 percent. Like private equity firms should have to pay just private equity firms should have to pay

the going rate for money and people who live in their house like real families and Americans who buy a house to live in should have to pay zero percent interest on their home mortgage. Because the interest rate is a function of risk and at no point are these banks risking any money lending out for homes. Every single time the government steps in and bail them out. So there's zero risk. They should make zero money. It's as simple as that and a bunch of fucking space aliens are always trying to gaslight everybody like they run the bank and they cooked up this fucking retarded system. Like, oh, why are you paying so much more?

Well, I bought my house a year after you. What? That doesn't make no sense. Who thought of this idea? Well, so this DEI bitch Trump fired her and then her sorority. I don't know why I'm getting sidetracked by That's just, it's just, you know It's egregious and now we're in a position

We're gonna do something about it like That's fucking arrest her Uh, put her in jail. People fucking traffic can't went to jail for a guy For a fucking guy paving his fucking driveway And he was awesome. So What comes around is all around

That's all I'm saying. Um Her sorority released a statement In support of her Let me find the Let me find this With a rebar supports of her. Fed.

Yeah, Fed Governor. Three primary. Okay. This is the sorority that decided they have to speak out on her behalf. Okay, Delta Sigma Theta. Delta Sigma Theta. Okay, let me do a big reveal so everyone can see it. so everyone could because i wonder why you know why would a why would a sorority like risk it's obvious

it's obvious mortgage fraud it's just it's just an indictment of the system as a whole um and it's it's typical of like black fraud like this is like their infinite money glitch like they do this they do this kind of like retarded obvious fraud at a higher at a fucking at a noticeable rate uh here's the sorority and oh oh wow Oh, really. Oh, that, oh, I see. Oh, that's who runs it? Oh, and that's who's fucking in charge of it. Oh, gosh, I wonder why, I wonder why the head of release a statement. Number one, can you bring up the fucking sorority planet for me, please? Uh, sure thing, Captain Picard. No cap. Put it on the monitor. Oh, fuck. Great. More fat black women in space. Another fucking episode.

Set your phasers to exhaustion. Commander Data, set your phaser to exhaustion. It's already there, Captain. My exhausto phaser is already fucking there, Captain Picard. Well, it's fucked up as I'm looking at these pictures, half expecting sad R&B music to start playing, and one of them

to start turning and walking into heaven. Yeah, as boys to men got a sex change. Let me see. Look at how fat this one has the audacity to take this picture, cropping out all the fat. You know, look at the fucking audacity of this.

What was the rock guy's name from a never-ending story? Oh, that guy in the motorcycle? Prince of... Whatever. Prince of Cocker, what was his name? Whatever that guy's name. Motorcycle man that ate rocks? Yeah, she's looking...

I'm sure if you account... If you were to draw, like use Photoshop and then do like to generate the rest of this image. Well, let's see. Rock man from never-ending story. Rockbiter? Rockbiter? His name was Rockbiter? What kind of fucking

fucking stupid name is that? That's not very creative. You know what? I'm starting to think that story maybe sucks. It does suck. This is her, you're saying? Well, like, because like, look at her general proportions, right? I'm looking. If you were to drop the red.

You're right. You're right. The rest of her build, right? Yes, the rest of her build is, I identical to the rock biter from Never Ending Story. Well, I'm glad we got to the bottom of that one. The rock candy butter? Big rock candy biter. I got to get this woman off the screen.

Yeah, it's making me shit. It's just, no matter what, no matter what, defend your race. No matter what. Oh, did someone in my race do something? Defend them. So if, you know, if, if no one's going to respect the laws and the customs and the reason why we have them, then why do we have them? Your principles end up being used as a weapon against you. Your laws end up being used as a weapon against you. It's, it's in-group preference or nothing. It's in-group preference or die. That's what we're doing now. Um, here's my biggest problem in Super Killer. It should be a fun. It should be a fun show. so keep in mind it took three years to come up with this to complete this project so well is it complete because the physicals haven't been shipped oh yeah i saw some i saw some chatter that vito's

looking to rewrite it oh yeah he's like i need to i need to i need to i still need to because people are now comparing the old version to the new one and saying the old one's better and i mean a lot the lines are much better. With regards, wherever he's at, he's already on two, just finish out one. Vito said, some people like to

create and some like to tear down. I said, wait a minute. Who is this? Whoa, this is Mr. the sins of the last Jedi that has nine million views. Your comic is about tearing down other people's intellectual property.

The fuck are you talking about Some people like to tear down. And yeah, guess what? I fucking really do. And here's why it's deserved. Here's a major component of the plot of Superkiller.

Superkiller comes in and says, hey, I'm, I kill superheroes. Here's my magical gun. I get three shots. The ones for, ones for little guys, two's for tough guys, and three is for the big,

scary bad guys. I get these three shots, right? And I'm like, oh, cool, okay. Three strikes, you know, three strikes in your eyes. out. That's a good device, right? Oh, man. Ooh, that's exciting. You get three fuck-ups, right? Sci-fi rules are exciting. Ooh, you got to hit 88 miles an hour in that fucking thing, huh? Could I get a car up to 88 miles an hour? That's pretty fucking fast. Not that piece of shit,

yeah. Not that piece of shit. The Libyans would get up to 88 in their fucking VW van before the DeLorean did, but perhaps Doc souped it up in some way. You know, I can see, I could see a meter and anticipate it. I could count three and go, oh, wow. one shot, ooh, fucked up, oh, two shots, oh no, I know, you know, Mario, three lives, Pac-Man, three lives. You usually, in life, you get three fuck-ups, usually. Usually. In your relationship, with your family, you get three fuck-ups, it's kind of human nature. It's in everything, it's in law even, mandatory three strikes, like, it's in everything, three strikes and you're done, right?

So I'm like, that's a good device, three shots with a magical gun or you're fucking dead, right? How exciting. And I start reading the story, and I'm like, oh, yeah, okay. Ooh, there's one shot. Ooh, he just shot Superman. Okay. He didn't kill him. Uh-oh.

He's got two shots left. Another shot. He shoots Superman's friend. I say, oh, wow. Okay. Down to the last shot. This one's got to be good. So then he finds some kryptonite and does a really stupid plan and shoot Superman.

And I was like, ooh, okay. Well, now it's kind of anti-climactic because you just like pulled it out of the sky like Bill and Ted 2, but whatever. And then this bitch, the woman, sidekick in the story, pulls out his gun and threatens him. And I'm like, well, you know, there's no remaining shots in the gun. So, you know, she doesn't know that. So this is like Clint Eastwood, you know. Do you feel lucky, right?

How many times was shot, right? So she threatens him. The woman threatens him to get what she wants. And then he's like, he says something. And then she shoots his head off. I said, what? That's four. Yeah.

One, two, three, four. What? And then his head grows back and I'm like, okay. Oh, it's men and black. What's happening? That wasn't discussed. Heads growing back was not part of the arrangement here. You have to kind of say, when you're reading something and someone's life's in danger, you've got to say at the beginning, by the way, their head grows back.

So don't think that their head's going to get smashed and they're going to. die because that's not a possibility like oh okay i was kind of worried about his head getting fucking smashed i was definitely counting the shots that you made a big deal about and i could count to three can you is that i don't understand i really don't understand me why i'm the fuckhead for being able to count to three accurately one two three well yeah but you you missed the part where you as the reader were getting metagamed. See, you never expected a fourth shot. You never expected his head to grow back.

Look at all those things you didn't expect, man. See, he... I'm surprised nobody caught this in three years. He ruined your brain, dude. He got to you. And he says it's because it recharges. That wasn't in the book, though. It's not, none of the shit that you're saying now.

It kind of just sounds like you got... I caught it now, and you're kind of lying to get out of it. It's that fucking Archimedes blaster from Falcon Fallout. man bullshit I mean you gotta respect your audience

your audience can count to three you can count to three I don't know I can count to two three is that's asking try doing it again no I keep getting four so I'm lying and I'm lying with my son I'm sitting in the chair of death my son realizing that

this six week on period is just the mind shredder that the conditioning of the child who's crying constantly and basically wants everything at the same time, which is cool. Don't want to beat that out of them. It's the propaganda will seep into the brain and reconfigure and condition the brain. And in the same way that living in North Korea would, where by the end of it, you're weeping tears of joy at this tyrant about this tyrant who's basically consumed and shat out your life in the form of soup, usually.

And I'm sitting there realizing this thinking about I'm looking at out the window and the sun's rising and I think, oh, I've been sitting here for three hours. That's, that's, the only time I've ever, the only time I usually feel this is at Burning Man, which is happening right now. I'm definitely not there. I'm here.

Having my mind erased. You're having to go on sober benders, dude. I am going on sober benders. And I stared out as the sun, you know, as the sky started changing from darkness to light outside. And inside of my eyes, it dimmed from lightness to darkness. And my wife shook me, shook me. And she goes, are you sleeping? And I said, no, I wasn't sleeping.

I know that I'm stricken with terror at the thought of sidsing the baby. If I get even a millisecond of sleep, even though that, even though those numbers are based on, drunks and cigarette smokers and minorities and they don't separate them with affluent white people who don't do Xanax before they sleep they co-sleep with their kids even though I'm well fucking aware of that

I still can't get the numbers out of my you know I'm well aware that I look at Japan's SIDS rate which is closer to what mine would be a normal person who's not 600 pounds versus the American rate which is always totally fucked because of the bottom quintile and the bottom four-fifths quintile of the country

which fucks it up for everybody no I wasn't sleeping I was just in another in another place you ever play that game Outer Wilds that's how I feel you know that's you know that there's that game was a really good game and it had this specific feeling

that it made you feel because you died so many times in ways that were frustrating and mind bending because you're not used to moving in three dimensions at once so you're already struggling as a human to do that and then you die

and you instantly wake up at the beginning of the game like it always makes that sound so every time I get startled when I'm holding the baby in this fucking fight club days I remember that game I remember the sound from that game.

It's the same... Were you sleeping? No. Man. Presenting. Four shots. I don't understand how you talk yourself around that. This gun can shoot three times.

How many times he's shooting the story? Four. For what reason? I don't know. Yeah! That's shit! That's called. shit. No, dude, you missed out, man. Fido's just a master rider.

How fast the DeLorean need to go? Oh, you know, however much route, 88 or, you know, 50, whatever, 35, if you're in a school zone, how much room do you have? Oh, he left off the part where kilometers also counts too, so you got to do it at like 57 miles an hour also. What am I supposed to do? Are I supposed to just ignore that? No, again, you fell right I fell right into the trap Yep, we all did We all did The four shots shit is so fucking

It's so It's so fucked and bad And then the artist traced the gun for some reason The first pick on Google Images Though that's cool You don't want to pay top dollar For your artist to just trace it It doesn't even look like it's sitting on the fed

Looks like I saw him laying on the couch He's floating above the couch Like it's not even the right fucking perspective You couldn't take a picture It's like one of those like blank Like wax paper kind of coloring book looking things Or you could put stickers on and then peel them back off Right and it always looks like crab

Because the perspective is wrong There's this guy watering a spider at the Mexican store here I caught this guy watering a spider What the fuck? Wait that sounds like That sounds like one of my stories You know what I know I know that Vito fucked up the gun thing

Because I read a first version Where it didn't happen Oh So I know 100% that it's fuck up It's like okay Okay, that's what I'm saying too Vito just Just send this out to print

Get it Finish coloring it Print it just be done Or you know Call it a do-over Write it again Make a super killer too Just a do-over

Make it just redo it I don't know how to move past that one part it's easy just uh you know i don't even have a good one for that too like that's the more i'm thinking about it the more i'm like i caught this fucking guy watering a spider the security guard that this is not know yeah go ahead this is what i want to hear about i don't like comics out okay fine whatever yeah watering a spider i got to know about wait watchers Thursday also wait watcher allegedly and supposedly allegedly is happening some sort of meeting some sort of meeting meeting meeting of the minds that's a getting out of control

yeah we got to turn the tide um got to get of the shift the other direction i find it genuinely hilarious that dick is so obsessed with me not being able to count to three it's just genuinely it's genuinely baffling he can't take that i created something totally without him. He said something shit like that. I don't know. I got to read screenshots people send me. Didn't he put your name on his book though? Didn't he thank you for it? Yeah, take me off of that shit.

I don't want to be... Wait, so what the fuck is this watering a spirit? I just, I don't know. I should have asked him, but I was too tired. I went there to how'd you catch him? I'm like I fucking eyeballed him. I'm always looking. How big was his fucking slender?

I'm always looking for that kind of weird shit. Yeah. no I am too that's why I'm like because I was buying my stuff because I lost my keys at this store so I'm extra I'm extra vigilant

when I'm leaving it you know I give them like a usually do like a tap one tap keys wallet you know keys phone wallet now I just go like keys like yeah

the whole way out so I make sure I have them because you don't want to lose stuff at that Mexican supermarket I saw a fat woman throw a bicycle at a shopper at that at that place. No, that place is rugged, man. It is rugged. I love it.

I don't know. I was buying stuff. I forget what. Chicken, I think. I was there to buy a barbecue chicken. Yeah. Good place to get those, actually, yeah. And I saw the security guard fucking looking around.

And I'm like, is this going to be another trans shooting attack? is this guy cooking up a trans mass shooting attack hmm is he gonna bust out a wig slap that shit on and start shooting people you gotta be careful anybody could be a trans mass shooter these days so I'm eyeballing him right and he goes

looks over turns turns to the side in a sneaky kind of way and he squirts a little like a windex you know shooting thing up into the sky Up into the sky

Above the, like the bread thing The Pandoulsase Oh shit Wait, so he's inside water He's inside doing this shit And I look up and there's a It's like blasting a spider web Like what are you doing you dummy?

You can't get spider webs down Shooting them with water That's not how spider webs work What a fucking dummy What? He said check this out I got three shots of my fucking spider juice One, two, three, four.

It's like spider killer. Where are you watering that spider? I want to go back. I'm going to ask him next time I go in. Hey, why are you watering that spider? Agua to a Ocho leg guy. He's black. Oh.

He wasn't Hennessying the spider. No, they don't have good liquor at that. Oh, that's true. They have, what the, I don't know what Mexicans are drinking. It's not what I'm. No. Every time I go there to try to get liquor, they don't have it. It's Modelo time.

And they got one IPA. You're the exact wrong store for an IPA, my friend. I know, but it's close. That doesn't matter. You're in. It's close. And there's a little section where there's like a bunch of gentrified restaurants opened up around this like shitty liquor store down the street.

You've seen that? So the guy's like, the guy who runs it, he's a young guy and he's trying to church it up in there, you know, he's like, oh, okay, you know, eh, buenos days. Like, but he's still got his, like, Tio that hangs around there, being a total, like, bum degenerate, listening to, like, Mexican boxing,

which is on 24 hours a day. I don't know, I don't know how that is, but the sun never sets on Mexican boxing. Doesn't. Be it the Philippines, which are Chinese Mexicans, maybe there's some kind of Mexico and Africa that I don't know about. Somehow they get these

fuckers fighting around the world at any time a day you turn on your radio I don't know what station it's on it's like in between them like Harry Potter it's like station 95.5 and a half yeah like that's why you need an analog radio you can't do it on

these digital ones are hard Mexicans got secret channels you got to go right in between you're getting like 750 5 you got to go SAA pay SAPE secondary audio programming you got to buy a radio The secret is you buy a radio from the secondhand store

And I hope that it's already tuned to that station Because I can't find it You've got to get an old used ham radio somewhere To get some of these channels Yeah, I think I don't go slow enough when I'm scanning Because Mexicans, oh man Nobody goes slower You know

Man You tap the dial just to touch To try and get it You know move 0.4 or whatever the fuck Yeah So they find their secret Mexican radio. Mm-hmm. I will say, though, if you go into a taco shop,

and it's not those old, like, curved benches and, like, the red fermika trash can enclosure? You got to have the red. If there's no Formica trash can enclosure, I'm not eating tacos there. Yeah, that's a good rule. God. Did you ever go to Mucha Moss in North Hollywood?

Oh, yeah. Mucho Moss, actually. Yeah. It's shut down during COVID. Or it burned down. Did you know that? One of those, yeah. They got, they had the best salsa.

And I cannot find that salsa anywhere. It's okay. Mucha Moss was good, but you know who's still in business? Who? Salsa and beer. Where's that? There's a bunch of them now. A bunch of them?

And they're good? The salsa is good? Salsa's great. Well, it's in the fucking name. It's just salsa and beer. That's what makes me suspicious. No, dude, that's for people getting fucking fights. Like, the line is fucking like 10 hours long usually.

Oh, no. Dude, but that's one of the open satellite locations so you can just call in for pickup Yeah, but the main salsa and beer locations? Yeah, oh man, nothing beats it. I mean, El Capadre is better, but if you want like a good El Capadre's better. It is, but salsa and beer, man, it's still there. Well, look I look forward to going there when I can leave the house again, maybe in a couple years. That'll be nice we gotta think too like all the years of you having to raise your son that's all the years

he's like sucking out of your like life of your timeline right I didn't look at it like that you're right it's not that it's taking five years or however many years to like raise him enough to where you can go out

yeah it's that many years of your life force is being drained huh I should have started 20 years ago dude I've had people be like man you gotta have kids man you don't want to be an old dad And I'm like, what if I just don't want to be a dad?

Like, fuck. Yeah. But then I see, and I'm like, oh, shit. Yeah, but you can't, I mean, you can't tolerate women forever, though. That's true. You got to go be gay or go be a monk then. God damn. You can't be just living with a woman with no kid forever.

Because they get, you know, that's, I'm just telling you. That's my. No, then it becomes spy versus spy, right? You have to try and get them on your, you know, it's like the whole. Exactly. It becomes a spy versus spy. I was swing. For some reason, I thought it would be funny.

to pull the, there's a diaper trash can in the nursery. And I thought it'd be funny to take it out and like tie it up. You know, you take it out, it's like a long bag, tie it up, and then I was like swinging around. Oh. And here's, they should put a warning on it

Usually they put warnings on products for stupid people But this is a warning that should be there for smart people who are cool like me Do not swing because you can do that with a trash can Well it's not soap bars and a sock either It's fucking Diarrhea-filled diapers It was diarrhea-filled diaper In the thinnest possible bag

It barely can't it's perforated too It's like you can pull them out and rip them off Fucking gossamer bag like Yeah it's thin as spider's silk but it's not as strong so it broke

it shot out the bottom oh man I was trying to you know light in the mood you know blues brothers Tim Robinson

turn it into the fucking Browns brothers yeah that was a mistake don't do that don't do what I did they got to beef up the fucking construction

on these shit bags you just fucking hefty fucking yard bags. I was like, come on, man. First four shots of the magic space ray gun, and now this? Come on, man.

It's all right. I went to shake up a drink the other day. I thought I had put the cap on, but didn't entirely, so I just pick it up and just it was like... That's pretty good, but imagine diarrhea. Yeah, that's what I was like, man. I thought I was fucking stupid, but that's like, you had... That's the next level.

The diarrhea was all pre-contain. It was already there. All you had to do was just press X to drop it in the dumpster. You know, I'm fucking fiddling around with this. Oh, God. But it's like the same time, too. What are you not supposed to do? Are you supposed to not ride a very full shopping cart through the parking lot?

Yeah. Am I supposed to not spin the diarrhea bag around? Yeah. But I'm supposed to not have any fun ever? It sucks. You just want to know the weight of it as you're, like, if you were about to let go at the peak letting go moment, like, then you could think like, ooh, This trajectory, this kind of spin on it.

This kind of, like, I bet you I could get it across the fucking can. And then it just blows out right when you're winding up. Oh, my God. Yeah, so it's like, I totally get the reason why. Yeah. Completely understand. But, man, that extra little bit of like, wait, this is diarrhea. Why did you have to play around with the diarrhea bag?

Man. Something about touching the poo. I can't recall, yeah. my nephew's playing with my son and he says can he see he can't can he see with his eyes like can he see so good yet

and I said no they can't see they can't see very good when they're babies so for example and I pointed the TV and there was this fat bitch on the TV doing a sports cast or something I said so for example that big blob on television just looks like a big blob to him and my nephew went

it took him a second he's like yeah take that to school take that one to school that's a good one yeah I can't wait to hear about all the stories when it's like

yeah you know I got called down to the school today because my kid was mouth and off and it's like well well you are fat principal blahub Jesus there's nothing wrong with that

I'm surprised he didn't say more You could be any size you want And it's not It's not our fault That you Can't stop eating I bet you were hiding food right there Tell me

They call me the Weight Watcher I bet you're hiding food under the flowboards right now All right Here is A nihilist Weight Watcher This is the This is the fucking greatest man This is why I voted for him

this is why why is my thing all messed up this is why I voted for Trump this is Trump installed that cool cool pavement over the rose garden at the White House

so you get parties there and stuff instead of having like a gay rose garden and he said oh this is what let me see I can't read it he says I used at the White House the most beautiful marble and stone available anywhere. Surfaces are very important to me as a builder.

As everyone knows, I built many great buildings and other things over the years. At the White House, I'm very proud of the beautiful stonework we did in the Rose Garden. In this case, using limestone plus. That sounds like something my dad would say. Like, I don't, is that? Is it called Limestone Plus? What is it? Plus.

That's like limestone, but even better. The Rose Garden is completed and far more beautiful than anything anyone ever had in mind. when it was conceived of decades ago three days ago while admiring the stonework I happened to notice a huge gash in the limestone I'm activated if the president of the United States

cannot get some a patio laid without fuckups without contractors fucking up what does that say for the rest of us Johnny we're cooked we're cooked we're fucking cooked man you're telling me this you're telling me at no point

You could be the greatest, most prolific construction builder in the, in the history of the world and the most powerful man in the world, and there's still, contractors are still fucking up your stonework? You gotta be fucking, you could drone strike them. You could kill these guys, and they still don't give a shit. I started yelling, uh, oh yeah, extended more than 20 yards long. A gash.

It was deep and nasty. I started yelling, who did this? and I want to find out now. And I didn't say this in a nice manner. Man, more than anything, I would love to... That put the security footage of that. More than, like, Kennedy during the Cuban Missile Crisis or Ben Franklin with French prostitutes,

I want to see Trump seeing this contractor fuck up and losing his mind. I wondered, was it vandalism or was it stupidity? Lo and behold, because of the fact that we installed the finest security equipment, they brought back the stupid people, boss watching in sunglasses it was a subcontractor

that was installing heavy landscaping on a steel cart and was broken and tilting badly with it rubbing against the soft beautiful stone okay let's watch this I've never felt more I've never felt more connected to American democracy than watching this video that

Trump found of a contractor fucking up his limestone driveway he's a real guy man because he had to you know because you can imagine him saying if those Those motherfuckers. I fucking got them. The one guy,

the one guy who has the authority and the time to take one back for all of us from all. No, I can't get my time back from the wrong door that Smiley put on. My door's fucked.

He put the wrong door jam in. It doesn't match the door jam on the same fucking wall. And then to fix it, he got another door jam used the same fucking door. Right? It's fucked.

It never closes right. It's always janky. I can't, I don't have the power. the money or the time to fix it. This is one guy can win it back for all of us. Here's the... Look at these guys. Look at these guys. This is their cart. Trump even has to deal with a fucking leaf-blowing Mexican. Look at this. You can already see the fuck up. You can already see the fuck up. He's cutting this turn way too close

at a 90-degree angle. Waw-busted. Fucking dolly in the ditch right there. Neither of them saying shit. Bro. It was obviously going to happen. Damn. Is there music to this? No, just air.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. That's fucking crazy. Fucking crazy, man. You would think the one job where you really wanted everyone on your crew to be like, okay, do the best for we are going to be on the fucking internet. Take your sunglasses off when you're, you know, loading this dolly. that's the one thing I want to hear

from presidential candidates tell me about a time a contractor fucked you over the worst one and if they don't have a story like that then they are not qualified quite frankly and if they tell you some short story about it not qualified you need a long

like someone needs to get red in the face explaining yeah I need to see that you know exactly who fucked what up and that you're upset about it Yes. Okay? And not just like a little upset.

Like impassioned rage. Yeah. This motherfucker. I've lost sleep about thinking what I'm going to say to this asshole for fucking my shit up. I didn't know how bad I needed it until seeing that. Okay. I got sex for rent. What is all this shit? Oh yeah.

The EBT train is shutting down. That's too bad for them. I saw the shirt in the wild one time. That was the BET logo. Yeah. But it was EBT? Oh, yeah. Did you get it?

No. I saw someone wearing it. I was like, oh, fuck, that's a good one. We're spending 73 million a day on soda and candy for people on EBT. Jesus. Soda and candy? Those motherfuckers don't deserve any soda or candy? No.

What the fuck? I don't drink soda or candy every day. Man. Drinking water. Drigid Red Bull, yeah. Austrian soda. soda and candy that's $26 billion

a year on candy and soda oh man and that shit damn we spend we spend 400 million a day on food stamps 10% is going to

sugary drinks and 8% is going to candies I don't know you could get candy with food stamps yeah what the fuck so we're poisoning 60% of our kids who are getting food stamps

I mean, I don't really care I would like to poison them It should be 100% What's fucking? Yeah Rookie members Isn't that crazy Fucking

Oh, give me some candy Yeah, I'll have some Arise Yeah, you know what I just need to live How about some candy? How about some candy? Can I get some Swedish fish With my free food?

Uh, no Have it some soda Isn't everybody in here Getting free Swedish fish today? fucking Swedish fish giveaway on behalf of the U.S. government. That's like, it's like, it's fucked. That is fucked. It's fucked.

Hey, where'd you get that, uh, that ding-dong? I got it for free from you. Oh, really? Let me have it. Yeah, let me hold that. No. Let me get it. Let me get to, let me hold that ding-dong.

You'll fucking asshole. Fuck you. Man. Fuck out of here with that. You mean this whole time out of it? I could have been getting free Fago. You could have been getting free Fago. this whole time

bullshit I'm gonna snatch it out of their hands I'm just gonna walk in there and start drinking it yeah take it out of my stomach take it put that on my tab these nuts

put it on my tab uh let's see that's cool they overplayed it by making too many TikToks about getting free shit squeaky wheel gets the grease man

yeah you got too squeaky you got too squeaky you got too too greasy. A little too greasy. Your wheel's got too greasy. Not squeaky enough.

Mm-hmm. Having, you know, $1,600 of shopping cart food with candy and shit, that's greasy. That's... That wheel is greased. That's a greasy fucking wheel. We got to get this wheel squeaking again. Not greasy. Sex for Rent.

CBC News does a chilling... Oh, expose into sex for rent schemes. targeting young female students in Ontario. Isn't that just dating? Marriage? That's like every Craigslist ad, right? Is it? Like, seeking...

Seeking arrangement? Yeah. No, only funny stuff? Every ad now. All right, let's see. Sex for Rent. Let's see this chilling expose that someone sent in. I'm going to crank the audio up a little bit.

Oh, wow. Okay. The following program contains mature subject matter and second. You know, I was almost there. I had almost teleported my mind when I was sitting in the chair with my son watching the sunrise. I was thinking about Burning Man and how the Orgy Dome blew away and got smushed. And then it started raining. I was like, oh, I remember I was talking to my man about.

how everything was getting trashed and I said the only the only there's only one thing that would make me want to go to this more he's like dude does this make you miss going I said yeah of course yes and he goes yeah me too and I said the only thing that would make this the only thing that would make it worse is what and he goes if it starts raining I said bingo next day fucking rain washes out burning man fucks up everyone's stuff I'm like oh man that really makes me miss it I'm thinking about that as I'm sitting on the electric chair with my son staring out at the at the rising at the sunrise and transporting my mind thousands of miles across space and time and i'm almost there i can feel it like coalescing around me

and i'm like in another reality i'm like dispatching you know like like like the CIA mind mental projection stuff into Mars into Burning Man and I'm right there I can feel it right there and that's my that's where my wife goes Are you sleeping?

Maybe next Maybe tomorrow night Maybe tomorrow night buddy We're both gonna go there I'm gonna leave this place So X-Files transmuting shit E I can see the sound machines

are fading in the background as I'm fucking transmutating myself through space and time. Fuck. And amphetamines. Okay, here's the sex for rent ads targeting students. Sexuality. Viewer discretion is advised. Okay. Tim Horton's.

We're undercover, waiting for a man who posted an ad online. Hey, chocolate. Offering up a place. place to live. I can sit here. Rent free. But there's a catch. That's kind of with friends with benefits or the thing, right?

If you're into that. I want to hear from your terms, you know, because a lot of people see different things. And that's one thing I find. That's Jasmine? She didn't go with like Kristen as her fake name, did she? Right, sort of that? When you see. Something bad, right?

Yes, you heard right. Sleeping in the same bed, right? And yet, he gets explicit. Yeah. Except your toes. We're not actually having sex. That's cool. We can do other things, right?

This is the dangerous trend we're investigating. Yeah. Emerging out of Canada's housing crisis. Sex for rent. We're searching for indeed. Oh. Okay. Well.

guys she's getting a deal yeah yeah you know maybe half rent for sex oh I would think you know maybe 10% off free rent

you I don't know about that damn I'll knock I'll knock 20% off top that's the best I can do It's like a car dealership terms. Yeah. Yeah, let me run this.

You want free rent for sex? Ugh. How often do you go to Pilates? You're going to kick the tires. What's Pilates? Kick the tire. I'm looking at it. Kick the tire out of this booth.

Decent rental ads. A cute, fun female to help me relax. Sex, fritary. Look at that. This ad is for sex ritary. Sex criteria. What was the meme I saw? It was like any app can be a dating app if you're Indian enough.

I think Craigslist is now the victim of Eastern Asia coming online. Did you see that that truck that did the semi, did the illegal turn? It turned out it was a one of the people, one of the families that he killed was a family of Haitian immigrants. Hmm. So. Yeah, you know Sometimes you just got to chalk it up for the game Yeah, you know

Maybe I'll sign that petition now too We gotta be I'm gonna put a turban on and go read Whatever the copy was that they had on the petition Look, he had the right idea It's just perhaps the execution was a little too Look, it's back to school, okay? We gotta get the shopping stuff

Shipped around the country You don't have time to be making U-turns So you got to break a few minivans to make an omelette. Right. Not a big deal. We've all done stupid stuff on the road. Hey man, you know, it happens. It happens. It's cool. It's fine. He's not going to do it again. It's dumb to deport him because you're going to get somebody who hasn't fucked up. Right, yeah. And they're not going to be as careful. This guy learned his lesson.

Think of all these people who haven't learned their lesson. Get him back on the road, man. Ideal for students or international student. We want to know how common are they? Wow. Could they be leading young women, especially those in colleges and universities, to getting free rent? Could these could these ads be leading women into

getting something for free? We're going to find out. Are there any guys getting free stuff ever? I want to see that expose. We tried tonight on CBC News, we tried to find out if a man had ever gotten anything for free ever the answer may surprise you yeah that is no it's a guy yeah i got a free

drink once but uh it's because the guy thought i was a woman because i have long hair got a free uh trip to jail yeah did they give you free trips to jail i'm sure they charge you they charge you processing right they don't charge you for that but they charge you for an ambulance. What the hell's that about? You do charge you for an ambulance. People don't know either. You're like, wow, what is this? Seven grand. What the fuck? Seven grand.

I would have walked for seven grand. EBT's wrecked. Perm jobs. Ah, that's just too much H-1B stuff. Americans are having less sex than ever.

Yeah, because you're fucking news. stopping you. Every way is trying to have sex. It's what sex is for. Rent. The purpose of sex is to get rent. That's no shit that they're having less sex because you're stopping the point of it. Pretty soon it's going to be like guys offering guys offering to come in exchange for sex like our expose on guys getting off during sex. the nerve so you wanted to fuck your wife and come you wanted to gratify yourself with your

yeah yeah it's always the like the smarmy like so tell us you know the like condescending like it's like fuck all of you

yeah fuck you how do you want it to work like how do you want it to work like how do you want society to work full of people who can't do first grade math

who can't even count how many times a gun has been shot in three years in their comic book. This is how it works. Yeah, you want to fuck me? I mean, you're what, driving a truck or fucking stocking vending machines or some other shit that nobody wants to do? Yeah, okay. Well, the other thing is... I'll suck you dick for rent.

It's like, they're going on, they're like going out of their way on Craigslist to go find... And it's like, yeah, you're looking. You're actively looking for this. Yeah, you're looking for this. You're like, it's like typing in like, where can I sign up for all these like Somalian Where can I? Where can I see Cox? What the fuck? Why am I seeing Cox off? Holy yeah, it's like, do you're walking right? Yeah. What do you think people are? This is what

they are. Hors and liars. That's it. Craigslist, yeah. That's what Craigslist is. Stupid bitch. Fucking stupid Canada. It's the Korea town of the internet, man. It's where you go when you're down bad or trying to like come up on someone else's misfortune. Americans having less sex than ever Let me fire that up You can always look for all the L.A. heads out there Always look for like deals in K-Town On like music equipment and stuff

Because usually like Someone's man like broke up with them or whatever They kicked him out And so it's like all this music shit That they don't know how much it costs for like Four or 500 bucks usually And you know again Much like K-Town

You're only there if you're down bad So you can expect a lot of misfortune to happen out there Okay, this is a sex recession Jesus 1990 percentage of people that had sex weekly Oops I don't even want to get into Vito's fucking not

Mike shit this week Sex weekly 55% Sex during COVID Wow it plummeted down to 40% Now it's at 37% of adults that have sex weekly

that's a big drop I guess it'll just keep going down now that everyone's got AI jackoff machines and they're so fucking fat and women are so neurotic all the time and freaked out you can just sit on Instagram

and do shopping all day women be shopping man that's all they're fucking doing is shopping on Instagram man fuck see white women shop like this

yeah ooh ah and black women shop like this like that that's right that's true the Washington Street

Journal reports Americans are having a record low amount of sex because you guys made everything shitty like everything is weird sex shit all the time and like

gross gay stuff Carl Jr., two guys fucking up the ass, like all right can there be a women kissing who aren't like doing it specifically to turn men off? Can I please see two women kiss that aren't ugly? Man, whatever happened

to um remember those bumper stickers that said eat me? eat the Carl's Jr. ones? Yeah. And then people would always trim off that ATs. I would just say, eat me. And then put it over there. Oh, I remember that, yeah.

What happened to that? Or if it doesn't get all over your face, or if it doesn't get all over the place, doesn't belong in your face. Yeah. Provocative. People constantly talking about fucking pedophiles and Roblox and shit.

Sucks. You guys made everything shitty. Just fix it. Man, you know, ever since Guitar Hero fell out like favor in the world. Mm-hmm. Everything else cool has, too, man. If it's not too hot lesbians,

more bisexuals, women doing something, I don't want to see it. I have no interest in it. Look, it's a fucking Indiana Jones chat computer with a funco pop. Fuck you. Show me the two hot lesbians,

LeBoo. Ooh, we don't have that. We only have fucking weird shaved head. uh lesbians talking about they don't need no man i don't need that had enough of that i have plenty of that show me the dick do work lebooboo show me one of those not this dick don't work shit to fucking family man loboot show me family la booboo family man tell me a man boo boo show me a man boo-boo.

Jesus. The man. Show me fucking something, man. Not all this fucked up flag burning. Oh, look. They're taking away our freedoms, man. Fuck off.

Look, Taylor Swift is in a relationship with this football guy. I don't give a shit. I want to see drunk Joe Namath hitting on a reporter. I don't want to see fucking F-sler, Kelsey, whatever, having a fucking relationship with

fucking ugly bitch with a dumb with a fucking mid bitch that looks like she is late to getting a Starbucks order like fuck you I don't want to see this shit yeah I want to see John McEnroe loses shit yeah I want to see some huge tits on something John daily John daily I don't want to see it in a Reddit way I want to see John daily fucking taking a swing at somebody mashing nuke's out on the course all day yeah dude fuck I don't want to see some chick with huge tits run out there. I don't want to see trans shooter kills five kids. That's why I got on such like a Pete Weber deep dive, man.

Pete Weber? The bowler guy? Oh, yeah, yeah. I think you are. I am, man. Yeah. You don't really see, like, sports people that just fucking lose it anymore. Like, that was like a point in like the 80s and 90s where it was like.

Well, yeah, it was that Raja Jackson kid who just decides to murder a veteran. Yeah, that wasn't even. See, that was just too much. I don't identify with that type of rage. identify with like a guy yelling at a referee we need like competitive rage not like a killing people rage because John McEnroe man

his legendary fucking freakouts all those guys I mean they would just fucking lose it but that's so good is it's like they weren't trying to hurt any well maybe not but they weren't trying to kill people Bobby Knight fucked it up you started throwing chairs and it's like too much too much man that's too much man

You have to provide a spectacle. And then Sandusky started raping all those kids. Yeah. It was life before the splash zone, right? Yeah. When the crowd could get a taste of it, ah, too much. It still needs to be like this insulated thing. Or they could watch, but not get interacted with.

I think we got to kill some pedophiles to reset everything. Because they all get away with it, kind of. You know, that Israeli Mossad guy, like the version of the head of like the Israel CIA. Saw that, yeah. Got busted trying to rape a 13-year-old and they just whisked them away. It's like, man, we got to hang one of these pedos. Put up through the woodshipper. I don't give a shit how you do it.

But it's got to, people need to reset their brains. We need more Bugs Bunny shit, man. When was the last time you saw a giant wooden mallet, man? I watched that, that Bugs Bunny movie. Which one? The one with Porky Pig. The Day the Earth blew up. I don't think I've just.

seen that? It wasn't very good. It's a new one, right? Yeah. Okay, that makes sense. Daffy lays an egg. I was like, what the hell? That's too much, yeah. I read it shit. Yeah. Now, they didn't have any magical guns that shot the wrong number of bullets in it. I'll give them that. Didn't have a magical gun that'll shoot your beak off sideways or blast it around your skull. I don't think they used that bit. Damn. They also got some kind of thing now where they can't hot women anymore like the nurse from animaniacs then they shut that down

so now they're like they draw these gross like busty women but they're like also short and they're like also midgets it's really fucked up what they're doing a kid's brains

they're like you turn to real world Filipino nurses yeah Jesus oh yeah they're like all like goblin porn shit

it's weird it's gross I hate all of it like that sound that sexy saxophone sound you know that they put in cartoons sometimes you know

this shows the chick walking away or whatever that hasn't happened that sound has been silent for probably 20 years yeah we need to bring it back we need another Bill Clinton man we need a sax playing president

You need a sexy sax man Fuck Well that guy's still around I think But sexy sax man Yeah I just think that Kind of internet humor Died

You know in that six month Strain Maybe Gavin Newsom can pick up a sax That might help him I'm a heart attack For eating too many hot dogs Or some shit I don't know

Okay Some other stuff here Trump That's done Perm jobs Sex Oh, yeah, I got the fraud one. Trans shooter manifesto.

Raja. What time is it? 1122. Fuck. Are you late? I read some comments. Data says, I cannot get enough of Dick and Adam, analyzing idiots. I got to have some more idiots prepared next time he comes on.

He's a fun guy. He's awesome, yeah. Did you go out for drinks with us afterwards? Or no, it was Randy. Yes, Randy did. You missed out. Damn. You blew it.

Fucked up. Timmy says, hey, Dick, check this out. Peak Reddit. Okay. Lord knows I hate Reddit. Lord knows I hate both of those words. Was that the spider that fucking guy was watering? I really want to know that guy was that idiot was watering a spider.

Like, do you think that's going to kill it? fucking bionic is this boy was he watering it to grow bigger secretly that's what I was like I've so many fucking questions about that goddamn spider now are you watering the spider bugs don't really work like that are you spraying bug spray over the

are you secretly spraying bug spray over the bread the fact that he knows there's a spider in the fucking bakery and he's letting it chill I hate that store then there's always like bugs in the tomatoes. Yeah. Like you can't, if you touch the tomatoes, a bunch of bugs go, whir!

I was like, all right. I'm going to Whole Foods. Fuck this. It's a very lore accurate experience in that one. Uh, okay. This guy says, is it safe to release outside this spider? I refuse to kill it, and my wife doesn't want it in the garage. Species?

Bro, what? Is it safe to release a spider outside? It's from the outside. side. Yeah. And then he replied again, I thought for sure it was a wolf spider. Sea wife?

Safely released into the backyard. Wish I would have got more picks. Thank you all. Bro, what? Are you like fucked? See wife? Bro. Come.

These women are really fucking guys like this and marrying them? Jesus Christ. What the fuck? You took a picture of a spider And put it on Reddit How fucking small it is though That's that like

What is it like the half inch molding or whatever Yeah that's a tiny ass That's a tiny spider Spider nonetheless But What a What a fucking Wasting

Instead of fucking Just killing it Oh my God Show me that sex graph again Why aren't people having sex Well because of Reddit See This guy's over here

fucking posting pictures of spiders instead of doing the Mr. Shy City thing and filming yourself killing the crutch like a... Well, that was a big ass fucking bug, though. I don't remember that one. Which Mr. Side City was that? It was, uh, the video was called A Brother versus a Bug,

I think. And there's this big ass flying bug in his house and he's like, spends like 10 minutes or so deliberating over how to kill it. And he finally does. He finally kills it. It's a riveting tale. unlike this which is bullshit

see wife yeah you need to get your wife needs to fuck someone else but maybe he maybe she would fuck someone else would be even worse yeah you'd be even gayer than this guy well that's probably how he ended up yeah you know it was like this is the best she could do

it's like I try to find a guy that's you know a man but I ended up with this piece of shit spider watering spider watering piece of shit God damn Am I wrong to say a story sucks Because you said there's three shots in a gun and there's four Well yeah because it's

It no longer Has any meaning to it I know It's chibberish It should have ended it like a Dr. Dre song He just said it should like get ready for the next episode And then like Mert

Or at least have his head grow back and the next one? I don't know. I haven't read it. It's growing back. It's not even a human anymore. Right. All right. So it's like a space alien. Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying. It's like, could men in black theoretically kill a super killer or contain him? But I can count. I can count to three. Okay? Ah, so you got me beat there. I can't.

Uh, fuckface says a woman moment. All right. Woman alert. Woman alert. A woman I met in St. Louis thinks that it was named after Lewis and Clark. Well, yeah. St. Louis. Well, yeah, they just left off St. Clark because it kind of sucked. St. Clark was a real shithole. Complained a little bit much.

Yeah. Yeah, that's Clarksburg. St. Louis and Clarksburg. They just decided to mix it up. The two patron saint's Lewis and patron saint Clark, too. St. Louis. Yeah, it's named after Lewis and Clark. The Saints? Yeah, sure. You know. Yeah, they came marching in. Duh. Women do that. They'll make, like, relations in their brain that have no linear connection,

but have, like, a lateral connection across something that is not, that is unique to the woman. I'm telling you, one of the funniest things I've ever seen in school was, We were talking about Martin Luther, the 99thesis. And then this stupid bitch goes, we're talking about Martin Luther King, dumbass. And it was like, what are you fucking... You're talking about? I forget what the whole context of it.

It was some sort of historical thing, but she got the wrong Martin Luther. And I was like, well... Close, but wrong and fucking entirely. He touched with the church, and then the church wanted to kill him. Because he was black. Because he had a dream, right? Yeah.

Ninety-nine dreams. he came up with that dream. But it's just like that, like, no, the name might be the same, but that doesn't mean anything. Did that Martin Luther Sr.? His dad? Know what he was doing? No.

Yeah, what am I? Just lucked out. Yeah. Call him Martin. Yeah, of course. After the great Martin Luther, the reformer of the Protestant religion or whatever it was. Exactly. I don't know.

It's just, I don't know. know why I think that every time, but it's, because it's the same sort of shit where it's like that, like, a free association, but, like, halfway. Yeah, yeah. Do you, do you think he ripped off that I have a dream line? Some, somebody, the real Martin Luther? From a real, yeah. That would have been funny. There's no way he came up with that. It's a repackaged 99 thesis, but, like, re-delivered. I want to hear from the guy that he got. His speech writer. Yeah, that got it ripped off. Because there's got to be a guy that at least claims that he ripped it home. I said that to him at the barbershit, you know?

I said that shit. I was like, oh, dude, you got to hear about this dream I had. I had a dream, and it was that, you was white, and I was back, and we was together. And then he saw that, and he's like, motherfucker. See, that's fucking funny. I want to see that. That's a Tyler Perry movie. Yeah.

Medea goes to the barbershop and has a dream. Not this get out shit or whatever that. that was kind of a funny movie I didn't even watch it get out yeah it's like white people are taking over black people's bodies so they could live forever

like being John Malkovich except racist I don't know why they were taking over black people now that I think about it instead of like that's the last people they would be bodies be taking over I didn't think about that until now

we was inhabitants we was immortals that's yeah yeah what the hell did they have a good explanation for that in that movie if not

that's the fourth shot yeah that's a fourth shot ming says the new cracker barrel interior looks like it was designed by someone who thinks all aspects of life can be expressed in a spreadsheet yeah I've seen some theories on why

all businesses are becoming this brutalist like cookie cutter shit so when they go out of business or sell locations the vape shop that moves in doesn't look like the pizza hut you know I don't know if I believe that I think it's just because you see a white woman or whatever

that's like 60 years old running a cracker barrel and you think get the fuck out of here you're an idiot you know she's there to fuck it up like oh wow let me guess you're going to do stupid shit and everyone's going to say don't do it but you got a bunch of other other dumb white women who grew up the tail in it of feminism and need to scratch out a name for themselves when they're 40 years too late to do it

i think that's what's happening here uh and you got just enough energy to stay ahead of everybody around you who knows better uh chris primer says I pulled a screenshot of old fast food stores compared to what we have now. I like Adam on WATP. It's nice to listen to him on a show that isn't hosted by Z-Man or Quadfather. Yeah, he goes on some

fucking shitty shows of real weirdos. It's so funny, though. That's what makes him so good, man. Part of. Yeah. Hydra Bomart. Men versus women romance meme. Hey, Dick, the second picture in that meme

was from Claire Obscure. Expedition 33 What the hell That better not be a video game If I type that in and it's a video game I'm gonna fucking lose it I'm gonna fucking lose my mind Something tells me it's a video game

Claire Obscure Expedition 33 I see gameplay in the fucking It's a video game play in the fucking It's a video game It's a video game And the girl in it

dies silently by being whisked away by wind to make beautiful music five minutes after that image. I thought the context might make it more appealing. It actually does because that is a men's idea of romance. I'm going to seduce this woman and fuck her and then she'll disappear, it'll turn into wind and I never have to, that is the, that is the archetypal definition of romance for men. I'll gaslight this woman and manipulate her into having sex with her

and then she will evaporate. The problem is that they just expel wind instead of turning into it. Yeah, they really do. Then you get him pregnant. You never seen wind expelled like that before.

Okay, that makes more sense but then I don't think that's what the people who are, the people are posting they're posting it um without saying that because that's accurate they should just show her turning into wind and evaporating or dead nailed it then i would say yes show me you know that ophelia the death of ophelia that's men's idea of romance now you got it they're both about both the men and the women's idea of romance is about killing women isn't that something.

Okay. Bogosian. I've seen pretty super killer reviews from pretty neutral sources. Chalk it up to the W column from Vietz. Although the buildup probably hurts

comma regardless. Well, interesting. Everything. Cool. I don't think you can count to three. Judging by

the syntax uh cutress kind of lame video but this Indian immigrant who can't even explain how or why she's in the country spent seven hours mozieing around a target and ended up stealing thousands worth of merchandise oh yeah I saw that one you saw this one is it worth watching kind of kind of let's get to the Johnny corner stuff you got good stuff this I got some retarded ones Dave says poop camaraderie or buy curious blue collar poop Flirting. I will say in that last clip, though, it's funny Because she, like, will walk into Target

and walk out and they just keep filling her up with shit. And then when they catch her, they're like, she's like, well, can't I just like pay for all the things? I'm like, no. You stole it multiple times. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. Really?

It's pretty... Let's see. But you know what? Just because you... I've seen it. So a little bit of the magic is gone, but maybe you would get a kick out of it. Okay, let's see if it's pretty good.

Is this it? No, this isn't it. God damn it, did I not download it? Oh, it's on my notes. Do, do, do... Yeah. Okay. She wrapped all the tags up.

Hello, how are you? Hi. So, this is Anaya. This is the info she gave me. She said she does not have an ID on her. She's been in the store about seven hours or so. She said she's waiting for someone to pick her up She's visiting here

She says she doesn't live here She's from India She's with family They're coming to pick her up still So basically she's been in the store We've been watching for at least four hours She's taking a ton of merchandise Different kinds

We're getting a total right now for you It'll be well over 500 I'm sure You'll be more You're right She passed the first set of doors Went into the vestibule We stopped her in the vestibule She's saying that she was still planning

to pay for it Okay, what do you guys want on? We're going to prosecute for resett and trespass. Okay. But let me just pay for it in order. That's not happening. So you don't have an ID on you or anything like that? No?

No driver's license? No, I don't drive here also. Okay. So you don't have any sort of Illinois ID, anything like that? I'm not from this country. Okay, well, there's a lot of people who aren't from this country that still have stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. No.

I can only do it is I don't mind paying. for it, everything, and then leaving. No, what's not happening? Can't do that? We lost that opportunity. I can't just pay for it. We're way, way, way past that. You've been in here for seven fucking hours. It would have been fine if you didn't leave.

The woman cop explaining it to her is also annoying. Like, don't play into her game at all. That's not how you treat people like this. Lock her up. Shut your mouth. Or I'm going to fucking knock it off with this club. That's what you, that's the, correct response. No, I could just

pay for it. If you say another word, if you even think another word, if you think another word, side of the head, club. But I forgot that he's like, oh, it'll be about like 500. She's like, oh, no, way more. Right? You would have had that opportunity to pay, but because you left the store,

at that point you chose to not. Why are you guys negotiating with her? Yeah, she knows what the fuck she did. Yeah, she knows. What do you think she's like, oh, well, here's a bunch of stuff. that's not mine. You think you're going to explain that concept to her?

She's a fucking thief. You can't come back to Target. You can go to Walmart or Meyer or Kohl's or you're going to have to find a different store to shop there. I'll check online. You don't have to have like a town or anything, do you? Where do you live? India.

Who are you staying with right now? Family is in India. How'd you get here? On the flight. On the flight? Yeah. So you're here by yourself? Yeah.

Okay. How much we're looking at? They shouldn't just took her out back and shot her. Yeah. Okay, so nobody's going to miss you then. Yeah. Yeah, you got no... See, nobody even knows you here.

Yeah, it'd be funny if you could say that, but I'm sure there's some sort of protections. Um... Woman alert. This woman is confused by her university degree. Woman alert. Me too, actually. Why does she have? have a university degree, let's find out.

I am. I'm studying sociology. I'm not going to be a social degree. You won't come out with a social degree. So I'm not qualified to work in social? Not as a, not as a foot. I won't be able to call yourself a social worker. It is the first time I met.

Comey, I'm just finding out that I can't do social work. What do I have to do? I'm studying socialists. Oh, she's studying sociology, and she thought that was how she becomes a social worker. Ooh. Yeah. That's who I want doing social work. Yeah.

Average social worker right there. Yeah. Good for you. Somebody should have told her that. The bank, probably. When they gave her the loan to get a degree, probably should have said, what are you doing with this? How are you going to pay us back? That's important, right?

Kind of on them, I would say. Oh, it's the UK, so she probably gets it for free. Stephen says, You guys missed all the parts where Raja kept talking to his kick chat about how he wasn't going to keep getting disrespected. Oh, trust me, I think we all know what was happening there. Almost like he was Isam. After he left the event, he was on the verge of tears

about how nobody was going to disrespect him anymore. While his shirt was smeared with the blood of the guy he nearly killed. Yeah, I have a... Somebody else sent this video in. Just calling it Black Dad, speaking of respect. Here to teachers. No.

This is a father teaches his son how to demand respect from school teachers. What do you do? Somebody messes with you. Beat them, love. How bad? Really bad And are you afraid of getting in trouble from the teachers?

No Somebody does you wrong No Are you afraid of Talking back to a teacher If they disrespect you? No So stand on that, all right?

Right Look at this fat ass Dad has a giant gut like he's pregnant From getting fucked in the ass in prison I assume You know these tattoos Don't let me hear about you going against those rules, all right? I'm a good day.

A little kid looks terrified, obviously has no idea what to do. What's the number one room? What's the number one room? Are you scared of the teachers? No. Okay. So you thought the missing dads was the problem, but lo and behold, they're worse. they're around how about that

they were doing something right maybe a monolith of violence that you have to answer to arcane riddles answer magical riddles in hushed tones yeah the fuck

you're gonna disrespect the teachers oh is he trying to do a godfather I'm the black godfather what are you going to do what the teacher says one plus two you're going to think of I'll kill you and your family

Don't you disrespect me Fuck it Do you want your child Oh this is the guy's account Wow Mike Jenkins Is this a real fucking guy Okay well let's arrest him Obviously death penalty

That will cure some problems Uh The comments from this are probably great Do you want your child scared of teachers I assume by scared you mean follow basic disciplinary rules while in class do you want your child following basic disciplinary rules while in class now I would say yes

for the most part I'm assuming you would say no for if yeah who knows who knows why because I'm racist that's why dad can't fight oh i wish you could sort by their responses wow people did not like this post dad

dad was bullied as a kid so he teaches his son ridiculous stuff that in his bullied mind thinks is tough appreciate you check yoer DMs uh huh what does that mean uh this is so performative and cringe dad was definitely bullied at that age

Yeah You gotta nip this in the bud A kid Did that sorority come out in support of the dead? Kid definitely sees through the bullshit Yeah God, why is someone recording this? Okay

Well it's the mom recording it Which is like probably the worst part about it all Yeah Like are you gonna help me here mom? This is insane What's happening? What's being said to me by fucking dread godfather over here okay done

Josh says thanks for the advice Dick I had a blast listening to you guys it was a great advice love the show thank you behind oh it's more Raja stuff yeah a lot of Raja stuff whoa whoa whoa whoa

there we go Just a preview of what's to come. What are we excited about more? The EBS crossover and my rubric or weight watchers? They're both going to be good episodes, man. They're both going to be fun. It's a good week ahead. They're both going to be fun.

This was sent by Riley. Security camera footage shows a woman shooting at a San Antonio home with a family inside. All right. What are we got here? Oh my, Seth A big fat woman A grimace-shaped fat woman Saunter's up to this house

And starts unloading a pistol Wildly Doesn't work Yeah, fucked it up, okay Oh Three shots She tried to get off None of them fired for some reason

even though it's a revolver. Four shots. And she quit. Oh, God, look at that run. She trips and falls. Then it's gold. Yeah. Otherwise.

So she tried to shoot a gun and, yeah, maybe that's a woman where I should have played it then. All right. Be careful, guys. damn oh no okay this one's from leum it says doom scrolling door dash in class and uh it's a woman with her with back underarm armpit tits spilling out over this spaghetti strapped uh

caftan that she's wearing my god and they jokingly have given her a tiny little desk to type out with her tiny ass computer that's actually one of those medieval dining tables

this is the eniac computer that she's typing at look at how tiny her screen is next to the other like look this girl's so skinny or normal size that looks like a normal computer but

in front of fucking job of the hut here fucking son of rock biter over here how many computers do you think she's gone through? God damn. She's looking at DoorDash well in class she pretends her those the McDonald's clamshell

burger cookers yeah she pulls the lid it sizzles her laptop sizzles when she closes it and it releases a puff of rib sauce when she opens a barbecue sauce when she opens it up

like a fucking vape look at this fucking whale why is she why is she dressed like this that's so crazy this reminds me of a game

that I'm going to do all that we're going to have on well that's going to be on Weight Watchers game Weight Watchers game okay the twisting thing is all that strap is fighting for its fucking life right now

that's got to be the worst wardrobe malfunction of all time you don't see it a lot either fat women's fucking springs spaghetti springs popping off I think it would happen more well they use paracord to sew it together Oh, yeah.

God damn. Is this a tattoo on her back? It's a tat- It's an entire midget. It was one of those, like, pressed shrimp crackers. She laid down on something that it molded into her back. She stressed out,

learning about quantum physics and she has to load up DoorDash. Doom-scrolling DoorDash. It's probably one of the craziest. Oh, yeah. Let's get back to the lecture here Look at all these other healthy Good people

Paying attention Thing about being fat though Is you cannot be doing shit like that in public No Again You see you or I with like a McDonald's bag or something It's like oh that guy's just being a dirt bag You see someone like Vito or like that with the McDonald's bag

You're like you fat mother You fat piece of shit You couldn't even wait to class was over to start thinking about fucking food. It's just like again, if that was on a skinny chick's lap, I'm like, okay, cool, she's probably getting ready for after class. That's fine. She hasn't eaten in two days, you know? Yeah, totally fine.

Okay, wait, let's see what else I have. It's from Michael. Hey, Dick, I'm sure you've seen this one. It's an oldie. It's an old gif. Some of the younger dickheads might not have seen. All right, well, we'll watch it. I don't really like doing old shit, but let's see.

what is this exactly oh this is like an ancient one oops uh yeah all right okay let's see what happens

fat woman riding a motorcycle let's see here all right thank you Michael taking it back to like the family or was this is family

fun center but uh America's funniest home video days yeah oh wow Jesus this says this is the official

Danny de Villa that because that's what she's the size they call her that because of how big De Villa

like the house the villa the plant store for our first date. So you're stuck somebody like this the whole time. Oh, this is a woman making fun of a fat woman. Okay.

Jesus. Oh. Sound like a plan? Oh, wait. She wants a big fat woman like this? A healthy appreciation for plants and other things. You see what I mean? It's never a hot chick

or it's never hot lesbians. It's never even a hot chick. And if it is a hot chick, it's some hot chick who wants to eat a big fat woman's asshole. Like that's, that's every day. It might as well be like the slogan for Carl's Jr. Hey, how about a, uh, do you think there's going to be a hot woman here? By the way, uh, she likes, she wants to eat a hot, a big fat woman's ass out. I'll never understand. Uh, it's just, it's just a, yeah, yeah. I'm mean, look at this shit. Another big half a lump, another fat pig.

Jesus. Jesus Christ. So this is her idea of a date following some other behemoth around, some other fucking fats. Every man thinks they could handle a 23-year-old girlfriend. She's 23? Until they realize it means holding the phone while I do this. Oh, it is her. So it's about eating, it's about

eating a big fat woman's asshole. I think she's going to the plant store so she could walk around and pick off different like fruits and vegetables. Like it's a Costco sample or something. Yeah, it's her version of a salad, the entire arboretum. Just walk into, well, because why else would she go to a plant store? Yeah. Because it's the only place that has aisles wide enough. You're right.

Home Depot. Okay, Rhinestone Cowboy. What else you got? This is a bikini body. How this? Jesus. Christ. Must be

Michelle. Everybody is a bikini body. Huh. Sometimes I wonder if Joe Wider was still alive. He was a father of modern fitness, right?

Muscle Beach and all that. Oh, he was? Yeah. Sometimes I wonder of like if he was alive, do you think he would just immediately die from seeing all these fat bitches everywhere. Yeah.

Trying to promote. And the OZIVA's not working. It's going to start causing brain cancer and shit. Oh yeah. Have you seen all the suits popping up about that? Yeah. It's going to start fucking up. Losing vision and all this shit.

That's kind of tight, though. This is a bikini body. Everybody is a bikini body. Yeah, put a hippo in a bikini. I mean, that's what bikinis are about, right? Not any sort of aesthetic. not anything that's pleasing to the eye it's just about being as disgusting as possible

it's about taking something you like and perverting it and ruining it as a form of mental rape of you by fat women well so here's a science question for you because this is a science and rage-based podcast oh I forgot to finish my science story oh yeah so what is it about eyes by the way

tell yours first okay I was gonna say you would think with all the extra surface area on her skin that she would want to cover it up more instead of speed run skin cancer I want to fucking blanket the the beach with UV lights Oh, roast these pigs Yeah, roast these fucking pigs

In a way they can't see Skin cancer shot up 10,000% At this, at FatCon Miami Got it, yeah Okay, so what was your science thing? So when your eyes are seeing all the time If you look at something

Mm-hmm Your brain blanks out when you were looking at it or else you'd go dizzy or insane because you can't, like if I look at you and then look over there, I just see over there. Yeah. I don't see a, like a camera going, whir, I don't see that shit, right?

That's not how your brain works. So it backfills in your memory an image from over there. When you look, if I look from you to there, it backfills the memory with the new image. Interesting. Like as a place as a buffer in your brain. So you don't

see it, you just see that, meaning that if you look at a clock, the minute that you're looking at it in feels longer than the next one because you backfilled in time the minute you're looking at a clock and it says, like if you're looking at a clock like when I'm holding my son and I'm looking at a clock and it's 356 in the morning and then that minute seems, that second seems to take an eternity. It's because it literally does. It takes more time. than the next one, because you're back-filling. Just something to think about whether you're slowly going insane

because your kid is six weeks old and won't sleep. Yeah, I was going to say, were you looking that up on your phone while you were sitting in the electric chair? Yeah. Man, that sounds like one of those things where you're like, it's like jury duty, right? You're like, you know what? I'm going to read the fucking AAA pamphlet finally.

Oh, yeah. Whenever you can get your fucking hands on. Let me read the shampoo bottle. I fucked up. I put them on the wrong arm. My phone's in that pocket. So I guess I'm looking around the room. You have to use your brain?

Fuck, dude. Oh, that's bad. Olivia Giuliana, a social media heavyweight for the DNC is facing backlash after reports that 1630 fund was dishing out $8,000 a month to feed. Oh, I don't, is that real? No, it's just like fat puns. Okay. Okay, all right, what's your, let me get to the Johnny stuff. Oh, man.

I got some pretty dumb. Oh yeah That was just for me That was a crack at one Yeah All right What do you got Oh there's that board game

That's pretty bad Johnny's corner This one Yeah that would look bad Yeah all right Let's load it up I am so glad You asked about the rebellion

Okay So somehow In all this comics Nonsense We forgot about The whole board game Sphere man That are equally

Stupid and bad Yes Yeah Completely overlooked this whole side uh man you know again if we're if we're playing small ball then we're playing asymptotically small ball on how fucking how small can we get how small can we how small can we how low can these stakes be how how low can we grift you know i'm with you so i found this guy somehow what are we calling this johnny's internet corner fucking i guess so okay johnny's brain rot segment

Johnny's brain rot Because fucking Johnny's brain rot Yeah for all the nice things Sean brought in And all the nice facts He knew I'm like I'm either working now

Or just like Doom scrolling Fucking fucking retard scrolling Shit sorry Retard scrolling Yeah We can't call it that Uh

So I'm just scrolling Brain rot Yeah Okay What is rebellion Yeah let's hear it I'm glad you asked About the rebellion

Sunters is bigger than a board game Stunters is bigger than me and it's bigger than you. Here in the stuntiverse, we are modeling a new way of genitals. One that is based on a radical generosity. No more gatekeeping,

no more paywall. Why does this all sound so familiar? You know? Did they have a script? Dude, I'm telling you, I saw this and was like, I'm having a fucking stroke. I just, something. They all talk like this.

Yeah. The dramatic music, it's bigger. This concept is. It's the napkin verse. Yeah. We're having a whole verse of napkins. It's the same. fucking dialogue every time.

Do you guys have anything except marketing bullshit, like anything? Yeah, but Dick, there's no more gatekeeping. There's no more gatekeeping. You can get trash right in your mouth directly. No more of these greedy corporations making sure something is good or playable or that there's the correct number of gunshots in it. It's just straight from the mentally ill creator into your throat. Yep.

Welcome to the new gig economy. Well, we haven't even seen his game yet. This is just how big this is. Well, he's Chinese, so it can't be too bad, right? It's got to, I mean, Infinity Shoes, that's a black guy. I love Infinity, Mike Infinity is my fucking hero. Infinity Shoes is good. Look, I thought.

Chinese guy wouldn't have made Infinity Shoes, though. Infinity Shoes is too resourceful. Yeah. You know, and it's a crackhead shoe. That's, no, it's not digital. There's no capacitors and resistors. I don't see any silicon in there. That's true.

That's straight up southern ingenuity. Okay. Okay. You're right. The thing is, he stayed in his lane and he's made improvements and he really believes in it. And there's something about it where it's like, when you try them, we're like, no, these look good. I'm like, okay. They're great.

He's got something to it then. They stay together? We got to make cardboard shoes out of the Vito's booty box. It's not big enough. You need really big cardboard boxes, like TV screen boxes. Well, there you go. But so that, you know, there was no verse behind it. It's this guy trying to solve this problem, right?

It's just a guy who everyone thinks is stupid for me. making shoes at a cardboard, which on the surface... But they can't make them. Right. That's the difference. The shoes work. Shoes work. This, on the other hand. All right, let's see Stunters. The game. Or Battle Pass, no more corporate greed.

Today, we are working on a free PDF that will give you the blueprints to build your own Stunter Stadium right in your own garage. You don't have to buy it from us. Garage? Just make it your own. On top of that, this entire game is community driven. So if you want to create your own mods, you want to create your own

It's like all the words that tells me this is gonna suck. What the fuck is he talking about a video game? We'll keep watching in Will C. It's a universe that I can make in my garage? Dude, just wait till you see, man. Free of corporate greed? Dude, it's like, it's community stable or whatever, you know. Cars, then do it.

This guarantees two things. One, that there's infinite playability. As long as the community is still alive, we're going to continuously get more and more content. more and more content that is built from the community. I don't want infinite playable anything, okay? Wife is maxed out of, you know, 50 years. Right. All right?

I don't want infinite playable fucking anything. Get me the fuck out of that way. You go to church and they say, you're with your friends and family. Eternally, after life, I say, check please. Send me to the other place. Anybody else got a competing theory? Maybe like all new friends and family?

Oh, yeah. Just the ones you don't like, yeah. I'll take a re-roll Yeah, how many coins Does it cost for a re-roll? Yeah. For the community And second, Stunters is going to age like fine wines As the community comes with more ideas

You're just going to get more and more ways To play your own game That's why Stenters is a rebellion We are rebelling against Grey Corp And just by you following You are part of that movement What's the fucking game? Join the Rebellion and Stuntow!

I am so glad Okay, what's the game? Stuntiverse. Dude, just wait until you see this, man. It better be cool. Oh, it's going to be so cool. Wait. You're going to be blown away.

Close. Which one should I play? Oh, man. You know, I don't know if there's one where he actually shows you how the fuck to play. This? Yeah, there you go. What the fuck is this shit? Try that one, yeah.

At these little cars? Oh, wait, no, do that. Yeah, this one? The other one. This one? No, the one day. This one. Okay.

I sent you that one. What, there's little stupid cars? Dude, just spin the car midair. Day 64, going all into my dream board game until it goes viral. The game is called stunters, and it looks like this. Now tell me, is this shot possible? What shot? He's got two little crappy cars.

Two little crappy wood cars pointing the wrong way, and there's a ball in front of a goal, like blocking it. What do you mean? shot? A car flicking board game? Amid in, but it may or may not work. What the fuck was that? Called stunters for a reason.

You got a stunt on your enemy. So you've learned drifting. And you've learned flipping. Now what happens if we combine the two? It's retarded wooden cars that you're playing like Rocket League with at home? Like DIY poor kid Rocket League

with no computer? Well, you know what it reminds me? is speaking of throwbacks. Do you remember Bulletball? Maybe. What was Bulletball? Oh, dude, that's one of my favorite videos ever, okay? What was the one that was like, you'll get caught up, Crossfire, okay. So Bulletball was this old black guy, Mark Griffin, who went on Shark Harrow. And it was his dead wife. Him and his dead wife used to play it. And it was some weird psychological thing where he was like a racquetball. Dude, that was so funny. I saw that on TV and said, what the fuck is this?

Yes. Yes. Dude, I love every time, you know, every so often I'll go revisit that. Dude, that was fucked up. He's like, well, me and my wife, we were just playing with the cat balls. And we're like, this needs to be bulletball extreme. And it's like, you know, he's like, this is a high caliber Olympics. And it's like, shut the fuck up. And he's playing with Mark Cuban.

He goes, they go, I win. Yeah. And he said my point. And the guy's like, okay, like, I get it. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, no, this game sucks. And he's like, but his wife died while he was making it. It was a whole weird story.

Yeah, he started Very exploitative of them. He sold his car. He was, like, living in his car. He sold his wife's wedding ring. He sold everything and spent like 32 years or whatever. And they're like, well, if you don't have Bullaball, what do you have? Or like, they're like, what do you have?

And he's like, well, I got bulletball. I'm like, Jesus, fucking that's kind of, it feels like Bulletball reinvented. It does. But he's Asian, so I want to give him a chance. I must know more about the stuntterverse. That's where you got to use the drift flip where you spin the car midair. That concludes another lesson with Stunter G Hopefully this helps you get good at Stunters

Join the Rebellion and stunt them Wait, how do I make them in my garage? Wow, that's, man, I haven't even gotten that far I just like somehow like the most autistic shit I was like, now you have the ball Oh, really? Oh, nice. This is like the slowest-paced game I've ever seen

Ooh, nice Night, what was nice about that? How the fuck do you get that little ball in this with a car? It's up, Taylor, Brian. If you have any questions, this is the game is called stunters. Hey, easy to find. If this is, if you have any questions, the game is called stunters, just let me know. Nice.

That's a good shot. That's a good shot. Bro, this, this looks like something Maddox would make. Well, it looks like someone took that Indian game of Karam and made a worse version of it. Yeah. it's just very like fast and furious but Karam also

fast and curious like fucking well there you go you lost your car yeah where's the ball okay

it's just like something about this tells me he took all of 15 minutes to think of the whole concept yeah and he spent all of his waking hours like driving to and from work

thinking about all the names for everything yeah and then like sold himself on the idea and he's like oh I gotta make this game but it doesn't work now it's your turn you can't use when it comes to your turn you can't use that car

for one turn for one turn yeah yeah this is why they have communism in China because they were all the Chinese were doing shit like this and somebody said no no no no we're done we're doing the CCP verse

yeah the fucking this is whatever the fuck we're only doing farm and famine we're not doing play cars with Carums and shit. Three Gorge's Damoverse. None of this fucking shit. We're not doing this shit.

Our way is going to suck too, but it's not this. Yeah. So anyway, everyone can go have fun making your own stenters. I'm sure there's going to be... Split it. Dave, wait a minute. Day 56 of going all in

on my dream board game. So he's new. Yeah, well, that's another... Yeah. We're watching the makings of Bulletball Jr. right here. dude. I can't wait to see him go through the divorce, have to sell all the

thing. Day 56 of going all into my dream board game until it goes viral. What day? What day you stop? Yeah, what day is like, day 356? Like, I'm going to have to hang up my hat guys. Like, it was really fucked up. But you can DIY. What's the point of having something to sell?

It's so, he created this genius thing with nothing to sell. And today we're going over all of the updates that we've gone through in the last few weeks. We are finalizing the early adopter stadiums and I don't mean toot my own It looks like shit

They look amazing It looks like a fucking poker ball stadium Who've joined the cause Nearing 700 on TikTok And passing a thousand on Instagram And then going right past that And we've been prototyping the gen 1 Of the stunters cars

And this is how it went All right, it's the stunter bros We have our skinnier plywood Which you could just start off with a half inch Doesn't look nice But it doesn't have to look nice What I want to show you No, it should look nice.

It's a different... Yeah, no, it should be good. And it's the ball bearing, it's the predecessor to the type O, type 0, also a fidget spin. Oh, it's fidget spear, too. Okay, why? Fucking God. ...would be to then put a larger... You gotta cut it out though, you can't just draw on it.

...of the body. So put this over the top just to kind of see... All right. Soap carvings in fucking prison. Like... Yeah. was one of the things I found okay let's do the other one

yeah there was uh I said a bunch of stuff so we're sure we'll I save it but yeah that that one cracked me up because I was like man what the fuck is this shit yeah um yeah there's those oh there was the go down a little bit

yeah there's the slide which is pretty good is it fat watch yeah okay So a fat guy gets stuck on a slide. I told you don't get up there. I don't know why you got up there. Okay, I'm going to have to call the part of the part of to get you down. Yeah.

I can't get you down, son. Why did you get up there? You don't miss you. Get me out of hell. Come out! Mom! I don't know if that was staged or not, but either way, it gave me a chuckle. Even if it's staged, I don't think he could actually get out of it.

Well, that's what made it better. He's like, I'm going to pretend like I'm stuck, and it's like no motherfucker. I'm stuck. You are. You am become the slide. Okay. Oh, there's this one. Oh, God.

If the person who's pushing, let's go. What the fuck is this? so there's this guy who makes these like extreme mobility like wheelchairs and shit and uh you'll be surprised to see what he does this poor is a cripple guy in like a hot rod looking wheelchair with giant ass tires on the back like a dragster and see what he does and sam paul and then what's worse a half he drops a fucked up kid dude to advertise his product he you hear the kid like, ah, dude, you know his spine hurting, saw his neck, like, something somewhere.

Yeah, dude. What was the point of that demonstration? You know what I mean? Just like this. If the person who's pushing. You take a second cut of that? I couldn't believe this. I was like, no way.

You fuck this for kid. What is this? Extreme modus? He's got a whole account with this shit? Let's go. And then what's the worst that happened? You know what I mean? What's the worst that could happen?

Like, bro, you crippled him even more. That's so crazy. He's got a point there. And then what's the worst that happens? You know what I mean? He's just like this. If the person... That first groan is like, oh no.

Oh, okay, what is this shit? What are you doing with that guy? He's trying to ram his sports wheelchair over like a rock. And a public park where kids are like a public water park. Well, you can't leave this guy out of having fun too, you know, man? He just doesn't need to, this guy doesn't need to take a, hot rod wheelchair around the kid's water park? Oh but that's the thing

Dick you don't understand is he does dude he does not have you never as a handicapped person thought man you know I really want to experience four wheeling in the comfort of this thing I sit in all day long that's a fuck part is what if that's not his actual chair right so he's taking damage if he's being moved

from a smaller one into like dude everything like if only I had the strength of a Viking Oh boom That drop Another fucking spinal fucking

Re-adaptive obstacle chorus Dude it's nuts Okay Here's a guy who's This is a real pick I guess so Yeah I didn't look at salt flats

He's gonna take that thing up to like 150 miles an hour Oh that's what I want to see Man Get Red Bull involved Bonneville's not going to see that shit coming. Yeah. That asshole. Today we're thankful for friends.

Well, it's just weird to me too, because it's again, they're like, our kid has cerebral palsy, but we're just going to go ahead and fucking farm him out for, like, entertainment and views. Okay, so couldn't just being outside be just as a rewarding experience for this guy? Does he need to be doing moab shit and rock climbing? Like, he doesn't know that, it's just being outside. is nice. Yeah. Seeing other people.

Not fucking death defying. Being treated as like another person, not like a fucking Roman emperor getting pulled up this fucking. The thing that kills me too is, I don't know if it's the same account, but there's another guy out there who builds these whole like rectangular like scaffolding frames, right? Uh-huh. And he'll get these guys like cerebral palsy and shit.

And then have them standing up all fucked up. fighting very scientific term um no and then put skateboards into their feet and then roll them around in this big like weightlifting fucking chassis what the hell so they can like experience skateboarding oh oh i've seen that yeah but it's like what like you're just experiencing momentum you're not experiencing skateboarding yeah it's such a you could do that in an elevator it's such this sick thing i almost wonder if it's like an insurance ploy part two like oh no we'll see these people clearly have to buy in Well, they need extreme, like, it's the extreme marketing of the 90s all over again. You can twin cherries it up, man. I just don't know why it's a hot rod. Right. That's, yeah. I mean, okay, that's fine.

That's fine. It's a weird shaped wheelchair they're doing on the street. That's fine. See, but that makes sense. It's just the, like, the extremeness of it all that I think is a bit of a lot. It's like fucking hauling a piano up to the top of Red Rock. What are they doing? Well, so here's the fucking...

How is this? They don't need the chair. Just put them in a fucking gurney. Yeah. What's this bitch going to do? Holding on to the fucking lead. Well, the thing gets me is... What happens if the chair brake, like someone slips, right?

And the chair goes rolling. way all because of the hyper mobility now it can be like naked gun yeah the end of naked gun or like um there's this famous piano moving sketch in a laurel and hearty and they're trying to move this fucking upright piano up for like a mile of vertical stairs and when it comes crashing down it's one of the funniest fucking things because they spent all day trying to get it up there but man it's kind of like that where it's just like dude what is the fucking point oh they got a snow one too of course what's up homie the widest guy in the world

is saying it too okay see it's very exploitive exploitative or whatever well maybe do they have a sled chair I guess you want to go on the snow no that's it for everything

it's like Diddy Kong racing and then they put paddles on the tires if you want to go in the water like fucking that's it that's your only your ass is in there

and that's it the wheels turn yeah you get the hovercraft or you get the fucking plane no it's insane I had some funnier ones I just thought that was so macaw almost I was like wow you're dropping

this fucking kid yeah this is great I was like oh dude check it out you can even tip it over yeah oh cool I'm sure that like all right everybody that's the show we'll see you next week

patreon dot com slash dick show Wednesday Multiple bonus episodes this week. Got Wednesday's Superhero Showdown. Wednesday's Superhero Showdown. In the race to the bottom? It's a great look. This art, it should be targeting a fifth grade level.

So it should be competent at a fifth grade level and it should be dissected at a fifth grade level. Look, everyone wants to do such highbrow art, but everyone forgets that like K.A. Applegate made a whole fucking career out of making shitty asses. Animorph's books. So it's like everyone's... Yeah, but those were good. They had a story. True. Mm-hmm. Even the covers looked bad, but you're like, it doesn't matter all the in-between's because you're like, what are they going to turn? It wasn't like I turned into a, I turn into a monkey. Oh, wow. And then I turned into a refrigerator. Right. Wait, why? How come you turn into a refrigerator? Oh, you know, because the story needed it. Right. But, you know, it's just the thing is it's like, I flipped through in the other day and was kind of like, huh, like, this

sucks. Yeah. But that's okay because when you're a kid, like, you can't... You suck. Yeah. Many people grow up to be adults and still really fucking suck. But, you know, there's something about, like, everyone's like, I got to be the best. And it's like, nah.

Nah. Dude, even, like, again, like we talked about before, Kenny G. made a whole career out of playing fucking smooth jazz. So it's like... It's fucking hard to play. Well, because, yeah, imagine having to remember all that shit, dude. Do you have to remember that? I think it's to a point where it all sounds so samey anyway.

Yeah. Yeah, that like the really too bright a piano kind of thing. I always feel like I met like a furniture store or someone here that shit. But anyway, you know, maybe everyone's ambition is what's getting the best of them. It's just editing. It's just having to say, I need to do a good job So I need to cut this stuff and do better

People need to quit doing the George Lucas style of editing too Of like hey now that enough people have complained about it You know what here's my real version Slap some more stuff on Yeah Let me digitally edit his head Fucking going sideways Yeah so I gotta scrap all this

I'm gonna start over That's the real problem If everyone just did that There'd be a lot less shit In the world Okay see you guys See ya I'm late to the button again.

Oh, God. What time is it? Two. Nighttime is coming soon. What a horrible night to have a curse. Nighttime's coming. Uh, ready. I don't know what I'm going to do.

There's only four more weeks of this. And now I realize my wife's from doing everything for two hours, three hours all morning. Oh, fuck. Maybe if I imagine, I remember the way Burning Man smells. Ah, shoo. Sounds of adults talking. food just going in anywhere and doing whatever you want recently had a watermelon cigarette that was great cigarettes god I wish I had a cigarette mm-hmm nightmare the thing is

smell of milk that's all I smell now rancid milk man oh it'll all be over soon just another couple of decades and then one day you'll go over to your son's house and then try and impart some advice I'm gonna fuck up his house right away and he's gonna go my fucking boomer ass dad

is such a fucking piece of shit kid I'm fucking millennial dad what a what a zirp what a zirp what a twin zirp flupe beer we're he'll talk like a modem

kids are going to talk like modems to each other in the future oh la little be dong be dong be dong like I heard that I heard the do you think your Roomba will still work by then it never has never worked

yeah do you think it will work for the first time by then yes I have faith in it all right okay goodbye