The Dick Show - Episode 475

Episode Date: September 7, 2025

Josh Denny in studio!

Women speak. I have a vaginitis that goes off. Oh, yeah? Like tinnitus, except it goes, wah, wah, yeah, it just goes, start, right, stop listening. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a rough condition. Yeah, that's bad. Yeah, no, it is. It's a rough condition. It's always forever the biggest problem in the universe. I got a doctor's note for my, I asked the doctor's note. I said, can you write me a doctor's note that my wife can't, Can't watch love is blind anymore because of my ears.

Yeah. Did he pull through for you? Yeah, he did. He's a hell of a nice guy, you know. Very good deal. All right, let's see if this. I'm going to hit stream. That's a really bad show for anything.

I came in and I said, every time I come in here, why is it? N and whores on TV. I'm not going to say what I really said. Yeah. No, no. If there's ever a Josh Denny manifest. though, there will be a reference to love is blind. Because

have you noticed now they just all get to the end and then just don't get married? They're just like, well, it turns out I'm just a reality TV star now and post DJ nights at my local nightclubs for $10,000 for the next year

until people stop caring about me. Okay, you are a little, you are a little low. Maybe I can bump you up in the game here. Give me a little jolt. little jolt cola How's that? That's a little bit more

It's a little better, right? I think so, yeah I think I'm fucking learning, man Yeah I had to learn all this shit When my Sean left me Yeah, I don't know I've never had a Sean

I mean I have a Sean But he lives back East And doesn't have any talents Uh huh Sean has too many talents That's his What is this update I already did that shit

Update my fucking update D's nuts How about that Hosts Live events where are we at I didn't know you this is your setup I got everything because they're all terrible every single one is

stream yard and yeah they all suck oh wait I know what I fucked up okay stop that yes stream labs different stream uh

log in Okay, let's see if, let's see if, everything's on, kind of, kind of. Oh, I bet this isn't on. Yeah, I knew it. I fucking knew it. do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do la la la la there we go and oh that lady's a bitch live streaming or says live now does that mean oh stream preview yes okay

say something yeah there we go i'm old frozen stream preview yes okay say something does that yeah there oh you were just so still yeah okay so still my movement is imperceptible you're storing it up yeah um can you move can you move a little bit to your right this way yeah i'm really good with my rights and left now I'm really good with big, small, left, right, near, far. This is all part of being a dad now. Bro, I'm fucking unstumpable. You show me near or far? I'll get it.

Unstumpable. 10 out of 10 times. I'll go, that shit's near. That shit's far, bro. There you go. It's pretty good. Pretty accurate. I'm going to bump you up a little more.

But, bupah, bupah, pa. See if I still remember how to be far. funny. I could just talk like this a whole time. Is that Carl's, that's Carl's Vito impression? Is it, who? Carl from WATP? Carl, Spitali. Oh, no, no.

No, Carl's Vito Impression is different. All right, that looks pretty good. Mine is that he's, I'm going to say that's good. That is always speaking from the lower register of his thing. Yeah. That's how you know how sincere he's being. Yeah, it comes from the gut. Yeah.

most of us speak from our chest oh yeah that's true you can hear it up here not gurgling and stuff I remember time where I got a blown John I'm delivering domino's pizza I feel great last week was bad

why was last week was bad because you know they've got all these all I have is baby stuff going on now Josh I hope you're ready for that yeah I walked in and I was just like this looks different This looks different. It looks like a laboratory where somebody's learning how to be a parent. How many sitting down vibrating chairs do you think is too many?

Because I've got about six or seven. I have zero. Are they for you or are they for the baby and the wife? I'm going to try one of them. They're all for the baby, but it only likes the cheap one, like from the thrift market store. Yeah. That you put it in and you flick a switch and goes like, but I don't know, the magic fingers thing. Yeah.

I don't know if that's doing anything. he was being a the baby was being a fucking nightmare for the last two weeks I thought we were doing good getting our hands on this baby thing but then the

the screaming they don't cry really they just kind of scream constantly like a wounded animal yeah reached another level like three hours at a time four hours at a time so last week if you

you watch, I'm like tweaking. Yeah. But he was a precious angel. He was a precious little baby angel. Yeah. So some, this Mexican woman said,

that's not right. Our cleaning lady said, that's not right what he's doing. You should go to the doctor. And we're like, well, but Instagram, but every white woman I know

has said this is normal and this is and she goes. Oh yeah, they just scream mercilessly. Yeah. They said it's normal. Yeah. And the cleaning lady is like, and no.

The baby is something wrong Something he not do good So My wife took him to the Did she do like Mexican lady voodoo on him Or she's like, what you do is you hold his feet In the chicken juice For 45 minute and then

You guys all have My wife's got access to some kind of Mexican Instagram No but she is She is. Well we both are You know in our own way But you're not like I like doing tile murals You're not like

You're not like Boyle Heights voodoo Mexicans. She said. What do you do is you take a tomato juice and you squeeze into his assholes and then he do very good. Like you're not rubbing jalapeno on his genitals yet

or anything like that. The doctor gave us this looks like a funnel. Because it's called a windy. You stick it, you lube it up and you stick it up his ass and then all the, you know, if he's screaming like this it could be because he's got so much gas. And so I'm not giving him a Pepsi. So my wife comes over there. I'm like, okay,

this is a last resort right like this is a nuclear option yeah whereas i don't want to be planting any asshole core memories okay i'm sure it's okay as i don't as a man it by hour one of crying it becomes the first option i go he ain't going to remember any of this pry his asshole open yeah but i got i got two doors put on the nursery now it's like get smart so when my wife's in there with the screaming baby you know i uh you can i can escape it for the rest of the house You have a vacuum tube that shoots you up into the living room. She's got to go in there, you know, da-d-da-da-da-d-ch-da-da-da-da-da.

She's on some kind of Mexican Instagram, because I heard her say, you know, maybe we should put magnesium on his feet. Ichagram is what it's called. Just all cleaning ladies. Just all cleaning. Just voodoo cleaning ladies. You know, it's like, you ever watch, like, a movie like Constantine or something?

Yeah, I love that movie. It's one of my all-time favorite movie. It's one of my all-time favorite movie. one of my all-time favorite movies. Why is it good? Because of the concept. Yeah, the concept. It's the idea that like demons and angels are living amongst us in modern day L.A. And there's this badass cancerist noir detective who...

Yeah. And there's no explanation to how his powers come about or anything like that. Does he have powers? Yeah, he's like a psychic. Yeah, he's like a psychic, but he just jumps right into it. He's got like tricks though. You learn from like the Bible. Well, and he...

Like, psh, that. Yeah. I always wanted to get those tattoos. And then I was like, you can't be that guy. Get him on your balls. You can't be the guy who had... Constantine tattoos. Yeah.

Into the light I command thee. You know what I mean? But yeah, so... You know, Peter Storm was going to come be Satan in a biker outfit in the first version of that film? Really? And then he said, no, no, no.

I'll wear a white suit and cover it in oil. That's good. That's pretty good. The biker one's gay. And they're like, oh, yeah, that would be gay. Although there is nobody better to play Satan at the end of that movie than Peter Storm.

Yeah. Okay. Is the audio? Is the audio good? Somebody tell me if the audio is good. There's a lot of commotion because Schizochshan, my good friend, Schizzo Sean, was kicked out of a bar at Chrissy Mayer's Content House. Oh.

And he had his ID taken by, yeah, he had his ID taken by another, by a comedian that was there and, like, posted on the internet. That's weird. No, I was starting to say. like so in like those movies like Constantine they always have to go to some like underground expert yeah like religious voodoo person

yeah like that's what you need but Mexican nannies for the baby cleaning lit yeah I was at that point it was dude it's in the back of a bowling alley it was at a point where me and the mom are we're not saying it but we're both like Job from arrest development like I think I made a I think I made a huge mistake I can see it I can see

the meat the jiff in her eyes yeah when I look in her eyes I'm like, you got that Joe look in your eyes. I think I made a huge mistake. And every fucking white bitch on the planet's like, yeah, you know, baby's just cry. Well, it's their sixth week baby time. That's when they go nuts

with reversion. That's when they get all kinds of math and inception stuff in their head and they start fritzing out man, you just got to, and then we see all these like we're sending each other all these Instagram videos gearing up for being parents. Like, this is how you enrich your baby, your infant. And it's like

sitting them and pretend, and rolling them and shit and the baby's just like, ah, yeah, getting like a workout on his hips. And we're there trying to read him a story of like a black and white bear that sticks his dick in a honey hive or something. And he's just, ah! Ah! And we're like, this is not like the Instagram. Like, where are these babies AI? Well, wait a minute. You said black and white bear. Maybe he's against race mixing already. So his name is Donald. Is it possible that you're owning it? Is it possible that you're triggering him? I showed him that video of the girl, poor girl getting stabbed on the bus. look buddy see what happened here she relaxed yeah i told you i told you i had like a little summer fling

action and the girl that was staying with me had a dog and oh yeah he was a he was this great no no no he's australian cattle dog awesome dogs very very smart smart dogs those are the ones where they know like a thousand names for their toys yeah and they would and he would like he would bark at everybody right and then and then one day we came down the stairs i was walking him and the black neighbor was at the door. And he just immediately went up and started licking him and everything. And I was like, boy, this is the one time that's, uh, this is the one time you failed the test, buddy. You know, yeah. This is the one time I would have been okay if you started barking at the neighbor. He's not a black guys, have you? Yeah. Yeah. He was, he was about as friendly as the old

ex-girlfriend. And I was like, this is a, this is a red flag. I've seen this before. I've seen this before for 12 years that I ignored. She used to, walk up and just start licking the hands of black guys too and I was like I'm sure I'm sure all girlfriends do this you know this isn't a red flag of any kind uh how does somebody tell me if the audio levels are good I'm down an audio engineer if one of us is louder than the other tell me if one of us is louder than the other uh Johnny Johnny couldn't be here today he said he had a flat tire and that he lost his car but then when I called him to get help setting up for the audio uh it went straight to voicemail. So maybe he lost his car at a bar at a bottle of a bottle of tequila. I don't know.

Yeah, maybe it was a typo and he had a fat tire, one of those giant beers and then and then crashed his car. Yeah. I could see being too hungover to do a show. I've been there before. Yeah. I live here, so I got no excuse. I got to roll my ass with the studio and do it. Yeah. But you know, you can always count on your old sober friend to pull through on a Sunday. Oh yeah. Yeah. God bless you people. I'll never be hungry. He's over. These sober people. I might be covered in pizza grease from the night before, but that's never stopped me from doing a show.

Dick might be a bit hot. Okay, a bit's fine. If I'm hot, it's fine. So this Mexican cleaning lady said, no, it's not right. Not right. So we took him to our Mexican. No solution, though. Just, this not right.

Hey, you know what? That's the problem with white people. They'll tell you something's wrong, and they'll tell you to fix it. And like, you don't have no idea what you're talking about. Mexican woman, like, I don't know. It's not right, though. Yeah, there's an interesting thing that Carl and I, my co-host, Carl Spitali, and I diagnosed about Mexican people, is that they have an inability to feel existentialism in any way. So, like, if a Mexican person witnesses a murder or a suicide, they're just like, oh, he must be said.

But they never make it about themselves in any way. They never react. Nobody's got time for that. Yeah. So they're not a problem-solving people. They sucks to be you, man. Yeah. baby something wrong but you know something wrong with baby i'm gonna be over here yeah it's like it's not my

problem now it's not my problem so he took him the doctor what are people making about them and the doctor's like well you know he seems fine because they're always fine when you take him there right um car always works fine and you take it in she's like i don't know but maybe give him this baby prilosec my wife comes home ah he's screaming i go to the target and i go to the cvs to get my prescriptions filled. Smart. Because even though it's like Calcutta in there, it's like a, CVS is like a mix of every third world

country in one. Oh, that's bad, yeah. They still get it done. Somehow their pharmacy works. Isn't it funny how society has gone down so much that the people that used to work at Hot Topic now work at Walgreens and CVS? Yeah. We're just going and he's like, oh, do you have to have

10 facial piercings and blue hair to work at CVS now too? Because my wife goes to Target where they're used to serving white women, so that's the levels. There's a Starbucks next to the pharmacy. There's a Starbucks, yeah, you know what Target I'm talking about. That's any of them. That's all of them. And they swap off. The pharmacist does the

Starbucks sometimes and vice versa. But at CVS, they're in the battle zone. There's 20 people in line. Each one of them have a different type of insurance. They're bleeding. Some of them are actively bleeding. Yeah. So they're, I get up there and like, yeah, you're the best. Yeah, here, here.

And you have regular insurance? Okay, great. Two of them are the black homeless guy that used to follow Alex Stein around with his tits out. Dantarius? Is he on Adam 22's radar now? Is he going to fuck Adam 22's wife? I have no idea. Is that a thing? Man, I am so glad to be out of the world of the internet. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know at all. So I go to, she says, yeah, go get some prescription filled at Target. And so where is it? Where do I have to go? She's Target. I say, oh, fuck. Oh, he's a, so I go to Target. I walk up to the pharmacy and I see three fat women. No, two fat women and one woman with huge tits. I say great. She's a tweener. Yeah.

None of, no brain between any of you. Okay. The scary proposition, because when you look at them big tits, you go like, this could go either way. Like, she could be a woman who's always going to have big tits and be thin, or she could be a fatty who's just having a real good summer. She was thin. But that's the, that you're rolling the dice on that. Yeah. Because let's say the Thanksgiving rolls around you go, oh, no, she's always been for.

fat in there. She just had a good waiting to explode. Yeah, yeah. That's what I was always... That's a shame. I had that, you remember the AT&T girl, Lily? Lily? She's a comedian named Malana Ventra, but huge tities, right? I'm going to have to pause the show and look this up. Yeah, go ahead.

Pull her up. Old AT&T girl? Yeah, her name is Malana Vaintra. Anyway, she did my podcast M. Ventra? No, Vaintra. Let's see if it's close. Milana. M-I-L-L-N-A-N-N-A-N-N-A. A. N.A. There it is.

Alana Vayne Trub. Oh, yeah. She was AT&T? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. I remember her. Yeah, huge cans. Big jugs, right? Juggalo's. Beautiful. Fantastic. We got to be tracking these women to make sure their weight's not.

Yeah. She did my podcast back in 2014 or whatever. Okay. And it was one of those things where it was like a podcast, but she sort of, it was, so back then when I did March of the Pigs, it was like we would go to lunch and then I would interview the person and we would talk about food or whatever. This was the podcast that got me the Food Network show. Oh, cool. But she almost came... March of the Pigs?

Yeah, she almost came into it like it was a breakfast date, like a brunch date. Okay. Right? So I almost think that she thought that I was just made up the podcast as an excuse to like ask her out. And she said yes. She came out and she was very flirtatious. But the whole time I'm sitting there thinking, okay, I'm in a relatively new relationship. I could dump her for this chick.

But the concern is, are these forever big tits? or is this a secret fat girl? Now, you might look at me and go, Josh, you're a big old tub of shit. What makes you think that you get to judge? Judge, right? If she got fat, just like you got fat, you should be okay with that.

But here's the thing. I don't fuck fat women. I never have, and I never will. And it's the same way that a girl making $10 an hour is like, I only fuck rich guys. Well, you're a poor piece of shit. She goes, yeah, but I don't want to fuck a poor guy. Yeah.

So I don't fuck. Yeah. So it was, and this was, I think, think pre-AT&T girl. I don't know if she had gotten that big money. I could have, yeah, I could have potentially got in there. You could have hit that wave. That is the, maybe the second worst fumbled bag.

There was a bigger fumbled bag of a celebrity chick. Really? Did I not tell this story on the show ever? No, who was it? When I was Uber driving and also in 2014 or 15, I picked this woman up at a Kirsten Dunst house party. Oh. And Kirsten Dunst came to my car window to,

put this woman in it and was like, you're hot, you should come back into this party. I was like, you're drunk, ma'am, and you're being very polite. She's like, no, she's like, I think you're cute. You should come back to this party. And I was like, she's just being a nice, flirtatious celebrity. You could be living up on the Spider-Man money right now.

And I was like, there's no way that she's into chunky redheads. Pull up who she's married to. Oh, no. Okay, let's see. What she met and is married to. Kirsten Dunst? Husband. Husband. This will make it a nice

spoiler for you. Jesse Plemons. Right after this encounter, she does Fargo the TV show and meets Chubbo Jesse Plemons at his fattest, by the way. This is before he got all zamped up and is all handsome now. Yeah. But

yeah, so that was probably the biggest fumbling of the bag I've ever possibly had in my life. I could have just went back to that party. You could have been on Breaking Bad. Maybe. Yeah. Did she get him that role? I don't know. You could be that guy, like, what kind of American are you? Yeah, I think that was before he met her.

He did break him. Couldn't hurt. It was when he looked more like a red-headed Matt Damon. Yeah. But she married him at his fattest. So I was, I would have been in the clear, you know? So she really was. She was really in a fat.

She's like, ooh, ooh, la, la. I thought, I literally thought. I literally thought, like, who's this juicy burger? If I go back to this house, they're going to titty fuck. I was like, if I go back to this house, they're going to titty fuck me and make fun of me the whole time for falling for it and little did I know I could have been in there you know but but you know to be the to be the inevitably shallow douchebag right yeah when she leaned into the car and was like flirting with me I was like you still didn't get that tooth fixed huh

uh huh still didn't all that money and you still you kept it uh so the mexic so i go into the pharmacy I see two fat women and one woman with big tits like this is this is hopeless this is hopeless. I say, here's the order. I need this drug. I need this drug right away. It's going to you know, it's where my baby's fucking screaming and crying. They go through the questionnaire of and then who is this?

And this is baby. And now they have to ask, every time you tell them the relationship of the of the baby to you, it's like, okay, and this is your and this is your wife. It's my wife. Go ahead and start there. Make them do work to undo normal.

Yeah. Just wife, son. Just assume that it's that. Make the other people do the work. Not me. They go through, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. So I text my off, they don't have it. They don't have it. We don't have it.

We don't have it. They don't have it. This target, this target. She goes, hold on. She calls a doctor. She goes, oh, they haven't sent it in yet. I said, okay. Of course.

Why would they do that? It was, you know, six hours ago. He said, well, all right, have them do it right away. I said, you're sending it right away. And I'm like, okay, okay. That could have been done anytime over the previous six hours. Yeah, nobody's there. So I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting, and we're like, all right, um, so what's, what's going on?

Can you check it again? Like, oh, uh, yeah, sure, check it again. I'm like, okay, we got it. Like, all right, great. Sit there. That was just going to not be dealt with until I asked again, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sitting there, uh, waiting, looking around, all right, yeah.

I can't read any more of these bottles. So I go, excuse me, excuse me, hey, um, do you know how long it takes for this? And she goes, oof, she calls over big tits, the big tit pharmacist. And I go, yeah. Talk it. Now it's a story. You brought me back in. What's going on?

And she goes, oh, yeah, it'll take, uh, it'll take, uh, it'll take like an hour. Yeah. Oh, an hour. Because it usually takes like an hour. Is she squeezing her own breast milk out? What the fuck we were waiting on? But there's, uh, nobody here. You guys close in like 40 minutes.

Yeah. You don't have enough. She goes, well, then it'll be, then you could have to come back tomorrow. Like, but there's, can you just do it now? She goes, well, we can't move you up in front of every. I was like, there's nobody. There's nobody fucking here. there's nobody here

because sorry that's just a pause okay the big tits right do whatever they want uh sorry leave go back ride at the leave sit there listening to my son

scream for 12 hours come back in give me that yeah just some goo that they poured from a big bottle into a smaller bottle come back

couldn't have possibly have been done the day before yeah I can do that myself like with a you know soda fountain we give him this this prylosec stuff baby prylosec

and this fucker's like Like, it's like, uh, was this when was this totally stops was this when you posted about the shit the other day? Uh, that was before. Okay. That was before. Okay. That was before. This shit's, the shit's this guy.

Are they all green? They're a multitude of colors. They're a rainbow of color from brown to yellow. Any red? No red, thank God. That will be problem. I'm no Mexican cleaning lady, but red would be a problem. I gotta go, I gotta wait three weeks to give that cleaning lady a new bottle of windex or something.

Yeah. Now he's like the guy in the Instagram ads. Fuck. So you still haven't funneled his asshole open yet. And the asshole funnel is back in the briefcase. Okay. Back in the nuclear football. Behind glass.

It needs two locks on it. Mom can't unlock it. I can't unlock it. Because my first question is, where's the adult size? I'm not using that on my kid, but where's the adult size one of the? of this guys IPAs are not friendly. Yeah, I got to be honest. I've had some real bad trap gas before.

I never thought, let me come at this from the other side. You know what I? I've never thought perhaps I need to pry my asshole. Where are we making this cool for guys to do? Like, this is, shit goes out of your ass all the time. I know this looks gay, but I'm really trying to let the air out. Maybe there's some way we could swallow it so it half comes out, you know? Because you can't stick it in, then it's gay.

If you stick it in, it's gay. But if you do it the other way, maybe some kind of a straw that half shits out and gets lodged. Yeah. You know? Yeah, I've never felt such a vacuum seal of my asshole where I thought there's probably, I could probably release some pressure from that if I just uncork it. I don't know. I'm going to go back to that doctor and go like, yeah, my son's having the same. Can I get one of those asshole straws?

Do you have a magnum? A little bigger, bigger, bigger. How much does your son weigh? About 165 pounds? Yeah, in high school. Oh, yeah Okay Listen, I don't know

A Thin's way Yeah, that was Three How much is a normal man way? How much could a normal man weigh, Michael? 160 pounds What is a banana cost of $1,000? Oh, yeah, yeah

So I'm fucking loving it, man I got an Instagram baby finally I can read a fucking story too Jesus Christ Thanks to the healing power of Prylasek. Better you than me. Having a baby?

Yeah. Yeah. Because I have two choices now being a single dude back on the market. I can have a geriatric pregnancy with a bitch I hardly know. You know they call it that? Yeah. And they call it that a lot. There's no reason for them to ever call it that.

No. It's just to shame the woman. Oh, you waited until you're almost dead, huh? Yeah. It was starting to get to me. Okay. Okay. Can we stop with the...

saying the geriatric shit, please? Yeah. God damn it. Yeah, it's pretty obnoxious. It's like a, it's a shame thing. It's about shaming you for waiting. The doctors are shaming you? Yeah, they're like, listen,

you guys enjoyed too much of your youth. You party too much. You guys partied too much. All these burning men's you've enjoyed over the years. Oh, man. Fuck you. Somebody got murdered. Oh, yeah?

Somebody got murdered a burning man this year. So black people are into Burning Man now? You know? they make a big deal about it every year every year if you're black at burning man they have this special black chariot that's shaped like a Pontiac that don't carry you around get the fuck out of here no that's not true okay but I believe that I've never been it's the most obnoxious

they treat diversity burned it man they treat diversity more obnoxiously than even like the the highest Ivy League because nobody because no black person wants to do it. No. Like they all want to go be a federal judge. Yeah, Ivy League,

hell yeah, sign us up. You know, whatever other accolades are getting free. Give me one of those unfirable protected government jobs. But they have to make

such a big deal about it because no black person on earth wants to go to burning man. To burn it man. To burned man. Burned man. But there,

you will see one or two. Yeah. And some would say that's enough. That's enough. That's enough. I saw one this time. Might have been two.

Yeah. Depends on where he's standing behind me one is more than enough i you know what i don't know this is i don't know if this is an appropriate story um let me see if that video is still going yeah it's still going great okay that's still going so there's a uh i just saw someone in the chat put coal burning man i wish i didn't see it but i did i had to respond crispy biscuit one i like having the chat open. Maybe Johnny's car was dismantled by a crackhead. Yeah, is that possible? Oh yeah. In this city? Yeah. I'm shocked I haven't had my catalytic converter taken yet. Oh man, my neighbor did. Yeah. They love those

catalytic converters. Do they even know what to do with them? You should start hanging catalytic converters on the outside of schools. I don't get them in there. Prison. Just put a ramp with the catalytic converter dangling and then they fall in like a rat, you know? Yeah, I put a thing. I put a thing. on Insta. I put a joke on Twitter and Instagram like a year ago or something. It was like the best way to protect yourself against being raped in one of these Muslim countries and it was like a woman with books in her

underwear. Oh yeah. And the funniest thing was it was all I got were a bunch of messages from white women being like, what is this supposed to mean? And I was just... That you guys don't read. Yeah. Do you stupid? Yeah. Books pretty heavy thing to block your pussy. I think it makes a pretty good shield. You should try it.

Yeah. Fuck, I forgot what I was saying. You were saying. about a burning man oh yeah so this school my uh my my life coach sent me this uh this are you being sarcastic my friend yeah he uh he sent me a link to his local school yeah where he sends his kids of like i know you're kidding because you said he yeah yeah only only women unironically have real life life coaches uh isn't that the beautiful thing about women is that they're the only people who could be like at their absolute bottom you know razor to their wrist gun in their mouth and they're like it's at this moment i thought i should coach people on how to live yeah you

know i should be a life i need another woman to give me some advice right now yeah um on why i why i'm not getting what i deserve he sent me this link about his local school that was comparing like uh test scores and see how good it was so i got curious and like Okay, I wonder how good my school is. My kid's going to go to. You already know which one? Yeah, it's right down the street. I'm like, all right.

Oh, yeah, that looks pretty... That's okay, you know? All right, that's pretty good. And I scroll down to read the reviews, and there was one, one-star review. All the rest were good. I was like, that's odd. So I click on the one-star review, and it said, this school has an air of white supremacy.

First of all, the school's half-white, half-mexican, like all of L.A., right? but what that means is black people don't get the white guilt white glove treatment. Sure, yes. The Mexicans are going to go, uh, get the fuck out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely not. Your kids violent. We're sending him to fucking prison.

Back of the line. What I tell you, inability to have an existential experience. This black guy just get here now going to the back. Yeah. He no come to the front. So the review continued. It said if you're a person of color, uh, think twice

before going to the school. And I'm like, you know, it sounds... This is a 10-star review where I come from. Sounds like a 10-star. Sounds bad if Nick Flentes says it, but... Yeah. Is this review helpful? Yes.

Moms up! Yeah. Think A! Think twice! Yeah. I did, actually. I did. And now I'm even doubly satisfied with my choice. If you're a person of color, think twice. Yeah. Before coming to the school.

Think twice. Yeah. That's a spicy review. Yeah. It also sounds like a bit of a command. Hey, if you're a person at color, you want to come to this school, think twice. Can I send the review out? Can we print this out and put it on the front of it?

It says 10,000 people have found this review helpful. It's all thumbs up. It's the most reviewed review. That's what I was going to do with you. They don't take too kindly to our type. It's like, wow. Interesting review. All of Los Angeles

It's compelling review. I love a good review of a review. What? There's so many, there's so much bonus content on the Patreon this week. The Weight Watchers show, which you have to come on in the future.

Do I have to come on or go on? You have to be on as a group. You have to join the Brotherhood of the International Society of the Brotherhood of the Weight Watchers. Okay. They've tried to get me to join several times. I'm going to print out membership cards or something.

All right, cool. Maybe some masks. Yeah. We watch women and fat women and make fun of them for their health. Okay. Or it's a clandestine organization. I can get behind this. Yeah.

It's good stuff that we're doing. You know, a lot of people looked at Bob bitch tits on Project Mayhem, and they said, where does he fit? And yet he was an integral part of Project Mayhem. I feel I could be this for the weight watchers. I really do. Yeah. And then EVS.

The Van Skyver and I reviewed Super Killer versus I saw him. Yeah, I actually have an episode coming out where I review the review. Oh. There's a lot of that going around. And then Carl's going to review my review of your review. So I thought I thought you know what this, you know what all these reviews need are reviews?

I thought it would be a goofy, like, fun time. But Vito is in the chat for some reason calling us has-bens and that were useless. Listen, did he not know that the, whenever this goddamn thing was going to come out, that they were going to titty-fuck him to death over this for a years, you can't put a thing out fucking five years late and be like, by the way, when I put

my word, when I put my special out last year, I said, hey man, I filmed, edited, and put a special out in three months and your comic won't even be out a year from now. And it wasn't. Yeah. It didn't come out by Fourth of July. It wasn't now. No. No. It's not out yet. Oh, no. Just the digital ones out. He said he's going to rewrite parts of it because we were making fun of it, so now he's going to rewrite. That's always a good, that's always a good mark of an artist is

the criticism immediately sending you into rewrites. I can't tell you mild criticism. Can't tell you how many cuts of Goliath I went back in and made after all the criticism. There's a typo in the credits. But he's not going to fix the number of shots that the gun shoots.

He says it shoots three shots. This is really They turned into the guy on the grassy knoll conspiracy of the super killer world. So I thought the gun only has three shots. Where's the fourth come in? Yeah, why is it shoot four? Seems like a pretty critical catch. Yeah, like a miscount. Yeah.

But. Yeah, you know, sometimes it's three. It recharges off screen. You know, reach, yeah. Yeah, you go into a bar, you ask somebody for a charger. Yeah. A charger for interdimensional space gun. Cosmic energy gun.

Yeah. Yeah. See, that's a funny scene. If you put that in there, solve. That's how you write your way out of the problem. Yeah. You know, if you had read one screenwriting book ever,

you would... Oh, shit, a problem. I got to figure out. Write my way out of it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't just do it. You don't just go, ah...

We got to get up this... We got to get on top of this building. Hey, we're on top of the building. Yeah. How'd that happen? Can the characters fly, or was there a severe stare? Out of the stuff going around in indie comics. Yeah.

You know, there's, like, this video that Carl sent me... And you know what? Every woman in the pharmacy, including the one with big tits? Has a mask on like this? And I remember the whole time? That's bothersome. Can't you guys just use, like, Stephen Hawking's fucking talk... Like, put a mic in there?

Yeah. Do something, because this shit is not... I got loose-eyed here. And then the mask. And then the mask. And then they're speaking softly. So it's just Kenny from... Yeah.

And then they're speaking with the shame of being a little fat Latina. Which is... I'm sorry I don't do this Yeah Anyway Yeah No it's

I like how we weaved in and out Of everything on that last A little bit of this A little bit of that Was it, hold on a second Did the thick back fat Mexicans trigger the segue Into Vito talk?

I think so You just He just transpose them over each other All right Here's the big news Of the week The Philly game the Philly game Karen

The Philly game ball thief This fucking bitch I am uniquely positioned To comment on this Because I am a Philadelphia native And a Philadelphia Philly's fan Okay Yeah

And this is what we would call A classic Delco Cunt Oh Yeah she's like one of these Private School principal cunts Who makes like 75 grand a year And thinks she's a millionaire

Okay And she is some sort of a school Of course Admin right? Of course I don't know what she does A lot of women work at schools because they hate children. And they love authoritarianism.

Yeah. Yeah. And they're like pedophiles are not necessarily attractive. Go work at a school system. Yeah. And by the way, this is why I can't really do a lot of internet

anymore. Because I can't just watch this and go, that's just a one cunt lady. That's how, you know, you just steer clear her and you live a good life. I extrapolate this clip into all of what's wrong with women

and all of society. And I don't know how much of these I can watch before I'm just get, got, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get. You know what I mean? Like, I just don't know how much I have left in the tank because here's the thing.

Let the clip play. Let's play it. A woman steals a ball from a child. A child. She makes the father. She doesn't get the ball that gets hit into the stands. She runs over and nags. She looks like Marcy Darcy while she's doing it too. Yes, that's exactly.

And she nags the guy into taking the ball from his son. Yeah. Okay. Here is, let me turn the volume down a tad. Here's the ball hidden to the stands. And by the way, these are Phillies fans in the shitty seats in Miami's stadium. Oh, it's in Miami. This is where the Marlins play.

Okay. So you can see right here, the ball is down, bouncing around, and here, somewhere we got nobody catches it we've got a stock footage we've got a stock photo here a skinny gay white guy a big fat black guy and a short-haired lesbian looking feminist yeah right so he's got it he got it he got it the dad it wasn't like they caught it and dropped it yeah classic baseball it's a scramble he gets it yeah uh he's happy this is probably a great day for him he's he's a little effeminate already, you can tell. He's not, usually you catch a foul

bonnet. Yeah, fuck yeah, right? Violence. You have to project violence at all times. All times. Fear. You have to strike fear into the hearts of anyone who would bother you. And when you run over and put the ball in the glove of your son, you then raise your son up as if he is a trophy god.

Yes. Yeah. You would do this with... Yes. You would do this with... Yes. You would do this with me. Yes. Exactly. Yeah. I'll rip the next ball out of your fucking face. Okay, so here's this kid, you know, great day for him. Oh, that's a salt. That is a battery.

That's a salt and battery right here. I also, I also, two things. Yeah. Where this man loses me as a defender of his. Yeah, right. Number one, you don't ever hold your son like a woman in a romance movie. You don't ever hold your son like that. Look, he's doing the best he can.

You don't ever. Let me tell you, I'm not a father, but I'm going to tell you this, Dick. Don't ever. Hold your son like that. Because if he enjoys this embrace, he'll enjoy it for the rest of his life in West Hollywood. That's why I didn't want to stick the fucking funnel up his ass. I know, but that at least has a scientific benefit. This is all.

It's a prescription for a erotic encounter. Yes, this is, uh, I mean, look at him. I know, I know. He's looking down the barrel of a lesbian as his man, as his father gay caresses him and goes, this is, now I've been turned. I've now been turned. This is. I'm in a den of gays

He's taken his eyes He's this man right here Has abandoned situational awareness Right here He's lost in the bliss Of giving his son A happy moment Is this

He doesn't have the most testosterone In the world But god damn it He did it He won Is this more or less gay Than Tom Brady mouth Kissing his son

From a massage table I think it's less gay I agree Because Tom Brady Made the kid come back You come back and mouth kiss your father while he's naked on a massage table. Yeah, that was more gay.

You don't kiss your son while you're getting worked on. You know what I mean? Hey, son, come back here and finish your father off. Why wasn't he fired for that? Huh? Why wasn't he fired for that? Fired? That's nothing to do with football?

Yeah, but, you know. Fired. Fired's a bridge too far. That has nothing to do with the workplace. Shot the head, I can agree with it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he definitely should have been murdered for that. I don't see where it has anything to do with his occupancy.

um okay let's see the rest of let's see the rest so she's and then she's grabbing she's grabbing the father now and then she's gearing up to yellow and then watch how he awakens yeah this homosexual slumber strike dare i say strike two look dare i say strike two that's the fear of you got caught yeah he's got caught being gay on tv yeah yeah Yes. And by a woman who clearly looks like is channeling one of his ex-wives. This guy's got a lot of problems. And she knew that. She saw him. And she's in her brain, you know, like the Terminator. Women are assessing the likelihood if they're going to get smacked. They keep doing what they're doing.

Your boots and your souvenir baseball. And this kid knows exactly what's going on. He's been looking at her coming and thinking, you fucking. bitch, fuck you, right? So I want to tell you if they're from Philly, she is every woman on his street. She's all of his friend's mom.

Yeah. She's every woman at school. Every woman at school. He knows this Delco cunt. Yeah. Little boys have to deal with this shit every day. This is all we had growing up. We would be playing hockey on the street

and one of these would come out and just go, yeah, what are you doing out there on that street? And we're like, we're children, we're playing a sport together recreationally. Yeah, well, yeah. you know, stay away from them, course. There's no cars anywhere on this. Okay, here, let's see what happens here.

Reaction, yeah. And then she's explaining bitch logic. Bitch logic, that she deserves the baseball. Yeah. Now, this is where the G, KKKKKKKK comes in for me. Uh-huh. She thinks in her warped cunt brain that because something was within the vicinity of her as an opportunity and she wanted it so much.

No, no, no, no, no. It was a possibility. Yeah. See, women have this inability to compartmentalize possibility from ownership. Oh, yeah, true. The minute that a woman believes something is possible, she now deserves it. Yeah. She is entitled to it.

That's true. Because I can, therefore, I must. Okay? And so this is where my shit goes like, because this is where she's operating from now. No, no, no, no. I could have. No, I could have had it. It's mine.

Okay, let's watch the remember. Mander. We were over there. You're over here. Now imagine if he had just gone like, Boom! Oh, yeah? Look at that.

Nobel. We're! Nobel Peace Prize. Nobel Peace Prize. This guy, if this guy fucking right, like, uppercut this woman into hell. Off the stands.

Off the porcise. No! Alan Rickman. Yeah. He would be, we would have this. Man of the Year. Times,

Man of the Presidential Freedom Award. He'd be the greatest man in the history of, they would take Rocky off the steps and they'd put this fucking guy up there. Haler would be gone. They'd just be talking about him for the rest of time. Yeah, he'd be the greatest man that got.

Of all time. That man who had enough. The man who had finally had enough. Heck! Just. But instead, his son looks down in shame what are you going to do dad

okay fuck off and do you see do you see the people on the internet men going applauding the father going what a what a big man that wasn't worth it

what a big man to be like it's not worth it and I'm telling you I'm on the camp of like but if he had just uppercut her right of the fucking face that would have been fucking. Oh, I say, yeah. Oh, yeah. Here, do you want this ball? Boom! And by the way, I just want to tell you, if that had

been in the upper level in Philadelphia Stadium and she were a Miami fan, that's what would have happened. And that we finger our wives in front of other people at baseball games. That's who Philadelphians are. All right, here's it from another angle.

You took it from me. You took it from me. You didn't have it. I've seen my stance. Bye. I've finally heard that. Ugh. You took it from me.

Yeah. She said it was near my stands. It isn't worth it, though. Well, I guess, I don't know. Is it worth it now? Are things changing? Because before Trump, I would have said, yeah, it's just not, you got to give the ball up. No, no, no.

Or else you're going to be, like, they're going to ruin your life. This is a thing. Like, I made them. mistake of getting canceled too early. Now, if you punch a woman in the upper stands of baseball, you'll have $2 million on GoFund me the next day. There'll be people being like, give giga chat

$2.5 million. Yeah, exactly. Well, we got to get this message out. If a black man approaches me asking for money in a street and I see a camera, I'm going to behead him. And I will be, I will be, I'll be the greatest

man. Yes, there's And then people will be like, he's had enough. He's had enough. And they'll put that the Chad guy on you, that big chin guy. That's big red beard on him. They'll carry me through the streets. It'll take a lot of people, but they'll do it.

I'll get a medal. They'll give me, they'll put a trophy up in my statues. The man who kicked it all off, he had finally had enough. Just, ha, yeah. All right, here's an interview with his, His son and his daughter, this poor bastard. He has to give it to her, but we can't win. She was going to get it anyways.

She wasn't going to take it, but... Yeah, tell yourself that. I decided to give her to ball. Oh, he's trying to cope on the fly. I hate him now. She wasn't going to take it. Bro! Your son gets it!

You fucking pussy! He watches Andrew Tate. She's going to get it anyway. Whether it's now, or it's in the divorce. She's going to get it. They're going to get it anyway. They're going to get whatever the fuck they want.

Or you see he's got a little tism in his eyes. Maybe he's having serial killer moment of like, she's going to get it. Eventually, she'll get it. I'm going to make sure she gets it. But it was the right thing. We just wanted her to go away. Yeah.

And it worked out. You got a bat. Oh, you fucking pussy. Dad, do you have any of your regrets giving the ball back? Yeah, as a woman with a vagina that's completely dry forever, do you have any regrets? Yeah, like I said, it's, you know. Come on, man, this guy can't be older than me.

This is my point is now this guy's legacy is two children who hate him and this sad pussy interview. Or you could have been the guy who rock him sock him the bitch in a baseball game. The slow-mo remix is. You got to fit. Yeah, it's flipped. There's no, like. Oh, this is. is sick. This is sick.

I think Matt Walsh reposted this and was like, you can see the disgust in his children's eyes of their failure of a father. It was either him or Benny Johnson, but like... I was afraid that she would fuck with me, you know, put me on the news as a misogynist and fuck up my life. That's it. I didn't want to give her

the ball. But I'm afraid of women. She was afraid of because I'm Longhouse. I'm afraid of getting fucking bullied by you freaks. The kid goes, she would have gotten it anyway. Like mom got us in the divorce. You fucking pussy. he knows look at his face we were there to get a home run ball

so I thought I had accomplished this great thing and putting in his glove meant a lot you did you did and then you were a failure don't take this kind of shit adamant and loud and yelling and persistent and I just didn't want to deal with it anymore you know

there was some people you know just staring and like I said she was very, very, very close. And I'm, you know, I'm dad of the family. So I didn't want to regret. And that was the choice I made is to just hand the ball back and tell her, go away. You shuddered when she tapped you.

What were you going to do that you would? You just did something you're going to regret. I hate to tell you. You're going to regret all this. You fluttered when she approached you. You capitulated and handed her the ball. I think Antonio Brown posted this guy

and said faggot of the year I can't I can't say that have you seen the Gavin Newsom where it's a patriot but it says F slur but it's it's Antonio I forgot we can't say it

I'm sure you can bleat me right in post yeah all right somebody timestamp my slip up I apologize I was good up until then oh man Antonio Brown has the best Twitter feed

of all time because it's just posting things like that and being like F slur of the year. Yeah. Sickening. Let's see. The Charlotte's stabbing. Yeah, that's pretty rough. The perm. Oh, yeah. Look at this. Okay. By the way, can we stop?

Yeah, what? Can we stop editing these murder videos where they look like they're about to be the end of an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm? Wait, let me bring it up. Yeah, I know. Wap. That's what it looks like every time they cut these videos. somebody please I bet somebody could put that together for us

before the end of the show Let me see if I Is this? Oh yeah This is what the ladies said We never We will never arrest our way out of issues You could try Such as homelessness and mental health

You're right, let's start executing Mental health disease is just that A disease like any other That needs to be treated with the same compassion, diligence and commitment as cancer, heart disease Yeah Would you treat violent black people like cancer? Okay Sounds good. You say so

Sounds like a point You know what? I can get behind this now. I want to thank our... Oh, yeah, the mayor of Charlotte, where this lady was stabbed. Says, I've been thinking hard about what safety really looks like in our city. I remain committed to doing all we can to protect our residents. And ensure Charlotte is a place like this. This is where they pause it every time.

She was hot, too. This girl. She was like a supermodel or something from Ukraine. Yeah Imagine that But I don't want to get killed by white people I'm moved to America

This is where liberalism Is fatal though Because like A Russian woman Would have been like I'm not seating Yeah Next to the Schwartz

No I'm not do this You move me Other side of train I had a She'll catch the next train Yeah Yeah

I'll go to another city That's all right I'm good Yeah yeah I'm going the other way I'm gonna start bicycling away from this I had

Uber driver taking us home from LAX one time and I just got in behind him like not thinking about it I just got in the car Behind him instead of the opposite thing Yeah and he said hey man I don't ride with the guys sitting behind me Just like if that's okay It's just a personal thing I was like yeah sure so we switched Yeah but now I get it

Yeah I wouldn't let people do that when I was driving Sitting right behind you Yeah yeah I'd be like can you slide over Yeah And they would just go why and I go because I'd like to be able to see you But I would also Not pick them up if they were black

No, I'm totally kidding You would make no money that way Here is Here's something interesting I found You know how the cracker barrel got all messed up Like they changed the logo And fucked around and everybody's pissed at them Do you know about that?

Yeah The cracker barrel logo is this thing now You mean was I in a cave for the last year? Yeah Yeah no of course First of all it's a restaurant related thing This is going to come across my desk. That's what I thought.

This comes across my desk. So this lady, this lady is also responsible. This cracker barrel bitch is also responsible for discontinuing The Mexican pizza? Mexican pizza, the seven-layer burrito. She was the president of the U.S. Taco Bell.

Seven-layer burrito, Mexican pizza, shredded chicken items, the caesarito, all of this stuff. This woman's a terrorist. Yeah, kill her. She has been going from

Fast food to fast food destroying it Yeah One by one She took the crackers out of the barrel Uh double decker taco Cool Ranch Doritos Loco Taco XXL grilled stuffed burrito She did almost die on a cool ranch

Doritos loco's taco The power menu burrito The double toostata Did she get rid of the gordita? I don't see the gordita in here Can you believe that? One fucking woman causing this much Misery

Misery Yeah Getting off on it They brought the Mexican pizza it back for some collab last year and I got one to, you know, be nostalgic because we used to eat them in high school all the time. Right.

Oh, I was like, what he is? It's the best of every world. I know. You cover it in hot sauce. He had folded in half. He's shoved in your... Oh, it's amazing. Who would get rid of... Why would they change this? Why would you get rid of this? This is why. Look at her eyes. It's a dead eyes.

Like a shark. Yeah. No, they are. They're weirdly spaced. They kind of like, they sort of... She looks like Sid the sloth. Yeah. She does. She's here to ruin pizzas. Yeah. And crackers for you. I don't like this. I mean, I haven't been at a cracker barrel in 25 years, but...

No. I don't know when the last time I was. A funny cracker barrel story, the last time I was in one, my father got into a fight with the black manager of a cracker barrel. Because they ordered breakfast and the portions were so small. Okay. And my father and brother were outrageous. My brother, being a fat piece of shit, just ordered a second breakfast.

And my father was outraged at this. And he called the manager over, who was like a sweet old black man who looked like Morgan Freeman. Yeah. And just the old, nice, you know, hello, gentlemen. What can I do for you?

What can I do for y'all? Yeah. And my dad goes, you know, what's with these eggs? And the guy goes, what do you mean, sir? And he goes, we ordered two egg breakfast. three egg breakfast. They come out there. They're this big. Yeah. It's $13, which, by the way, today, phenomenal pricing back then, apparently in outrage. And, you know, this is, this is absurd.

My father says, and the guy goes, well, so they're standard eggs. They're standard size eggs. And my dad goes, what the fuck is a standard? What's a standard size egg? What the fuck is a standard size egg? And so I think this guy ends up comping us one of the breakfasts or something. My dad feels like it's the best victory since Vietnam, something. But for the rest of his life, and to this day, if I'm making an omelet or something for my dad, he goes, don't use any of those standard eggs.

You know, we only use jumbo eggs in this house. Don't hand me any of those gay standard eggs. All right, I got, I don't know, I got a bunch of that stuff. This is a classic Larry David, old man. These eggs are too small. I want, just give me more. Can you use regular adult eggs? I don't know they made tiny eggs

Standard eggs Johnny has arisen Or has appeared Okay What is this thing Was this the thing on Beetlejoo Or on Peewee's Playhouse This guy?

Jombie Jambi Do you want to make a wish As long as it's about raping little girls You can make it Hilderrant it Can I wish that that never ever happens again? No

It's got to pee Sorry This is how you know Islam is bullshit. What was overwhelming? What about this child was overwhelming? What about this child? Yeah. Was so strong that you couldn't control it.

Oh, yeah. Because she's attractive, he says. Yeah, cool. Good job, guys. You're trying to make me go and murder a bunch of people? All right, let me read comments. What is it? What is the point?

that? Why would you show me that? I thought it was an Angela Reese clip. Angel Reese? Angel Reese clip, but I copied the wrong one. Why are you showing me this? I don't know. It was a misclick. Yeah, this is why

that's what gets me in trouble with all the anti-Israel people where they go like, Israel's wrong for what they're doing to Palestine. Save Palestine. I go, hold on a minute. Well, you know, two things keep them there. yeah yeah yeah yeah listen do whatever you want with them but keep them there

I think the most strategic thing we could do is make sure that it's even and then it goes until it's finished on both sides yes you know what I mean yeah like if they were to just perhaps wipe each other out entirely as long as none of them end up over here yeah yeah there's no refugee situation this is it to completion uh-huh someone would say a final solution uh-huh if they could just we could find a way where that nobody wins that would be where I win That would be great If we could find a way where no one over there wins

I feel like everybody wins Yeah Everyone loses Yeah you know That's my Middle East policy Everyone loses You know how people say like The lesser of two evils

What if we just get rid of both evils Yeah Zero evil Zero evils It should be our goal always If elect me Because of God Because of the God Jesus Christ

The Christian God Have you ever read the Quran Uh no It literally looks like a shitty reinterpretation of the Bible. I've got half of it here. It's literally as if somebody read the Bible and then tried to rewrite it from memory with themselves as the protagonist. It was also like, also my wife's eight, get over it. It's like, wait a minute, what?

Moses is in it. Oh, yeah, it is. Just a rewrite, huh? It's a rewrite. It's a shitty remake of a guy who saw the Bible once and was like, Is there a magical shit in the Koran? I get the gist. Like jins and stuff?

stuff? Flying carpets? In the Quran? I don't know. I don't think so. I don't, I mean... There's got to be. Something spicy. Yeah. The fact that it recounts things that are in the Bible incorrectly should void all of it. Considering that the Bible has how many gospels from like so many different eras and people in time that corroborate each other. And so our story was kept preserved and correct and intact for centuries. 600 years later. And your book was like, I think Moses fucked this guy one time and you're like, I don't think that's what happened. I go, trust me, I'm Mohammed, I know, and everyone's like

guy sounds legit. Did he try to be in the Bible first and got rejected? Yeah, he probably auditioned my stuff in there. Yeah, and they were like, get the fuck out of here. Dude, this guy brought an eight-year-old to the party. What the fuck? And the Greeks are over there with their 10-year-olds, like, ew, dude. Ew, a girl? Get him out of here. Sick out. This guy's

fucking a child woman. Oh. Don't look, son. He covers your wife with That dick? He's there holding their boy wives Like that man at the baseball game Just You gotta hold your son with one arm

One arm, yeah No penis touching Two arms is you fail Maybe a hug But not as embrace The most love my son Will ever get for me As a like a noogie rubbing of the hair

Like this ever You gotta like one hand it I won't ever hold him with two hands Yeah, Angel Reese. She got sidelined or so she got kicked off the team or something because she had a mustache. Is that why? She has a mustache. She does, yeah.

She's doing a McDonald's ad with the mustache. She wears that one leg sleeve. I don't know what the purpose of that is. For speed. Catch the juices as they roll down. It's a wiper. Okay. Hey, Dick, check this out.

Ranger fired for hanging a transgender flag and you'll say, Okay, I can't take any more train of stuff. Steven says, I read Superkiller. It wasn't the worst thing I've read. That's always a good place to start with a product that you paid for. But I'm confused as to how Superkiller got shot in the head with a fourth bullet in a three-bullet chamber. It sounds like a very small thing that no one else noticed but you. Maniac was much better.

Yeah, Maniac was great. He runs over cyclists right away in the start of the book. Did I not, I don't want to be that guy, but did I not? say this when I was on either this show or Biggest Problem, like the last time where I go. What? You've talked all this shit about other people's comics. What do you think is going to happen when yours comes out?

And I think the plan was it will never come out. Yeah, I thought so too. And then that became, they're going to kill, they're going to start coming to my house and first they're going to destroy my property, then they're going to kill me. And now I have to put it out. Now it's out in phases. Yeah. It's being phased out. It's being phased out.

Yeah. A lot of stuff's getting phased out. I guess, right? If I had more time, but I don't. Jimmy Smiths, I won the virgin contest at 32 years old. Wow! We have a thing,

winning the virgin contest, obviously, not being a virgin anymore. I might have a friend who's got that beat. Oldest person who lives their virginity? No, it's just losing your virginity. We're not competing for age. We're just competing for the pussy. I met a girl at a concert,

Greek theater in L.A. A few nights ago, we hooked up. She's a short Mexican girl with small cans and her name is Consuela. Really? I assume she's related to your former housekeeper. Rest in peace. She was perfect for me because I'm an antisocial loser who's never made the first move, whereas she was a true penis salesman, or rather a penis importer in this case. Oh, she's a slut. All right. She let me know right away. She had gotten a motel and was into me. What? Really?

Sounds like a pretty good gig. went as great as I can expect my first time, having never even kissed a girl in 32 years. Oh my God, and she wants to see me again. Over the last three days of texting, it's been amazing and are going

to see each other soon. But it's been one red flag after another. Yeah. Well, now it's feeling familiar. Now it's feeling like a relationship. I don't know why. Now I've got to get out of here. I don't know what. It's been 32 years. Gender confirmed. No worry, she's a dude.

secretly. It's been one red flag after another and I need an older man to tell, don't phrase it like that, to tell me, to tell my to dump this bitch. First she says her roommate is her ex, okay, and then she adds that they share a bed. Maybe it's like Michael Jackson, you know? It's a totally different, big giant bed. Yeah, you know those kids that he supposedly molested are the fathers of his biological children, right?

Wait, what? Really? Yeah, no question in my mind. This is a conspiracy theory. Oh, oh, oh. Didn't I show you this on the show before? I don't think so. Paris Jackson is McCauley Calkins' child.

And the other one is Corey Feldman's. Look at the pictures on the side by side. There's no question he took come from his two little child best friends. Paris Jackson? And made his bait. Now, Paris Jackson, McCallie Calkin. Okay. McCauley.

Culkin. Coulcan. See, fathers. Number two. Father? See, number two is the thing That's his, that she's from his sperm Okay

She's 100% from his sperm And then look at Corey Feldman And I don't know if it's blanket But just put Okay Cory Feldman Okay, Corey Feldman Father

No, I don't think it's blanket It's the other one Okay It's the other Michael Jackson kid So just put like Michael Jackson Jackson Okay Conflicted relationship

Kid, I forgot to put kid Michael Jackson, kid Really? Just go to images, you'll find a side by side All right Which one of these? This one? No, hold on. You got to type in Type in is Corey Feldman Okay

The father of Michael Jackson's kid Feldman The father of Michael Jackson's kid Uh This is no the same one No All right hold on Look up Michael Jackson's kids

Okay Michael Jackson's kids All right Prince Jackson No no hold on Biggie Jackson Really? No that's blanket

Biggie is blanket Okay Maybe it's Prince It's got to be Prince Yeah yeah yeah Oh Yeah yeah Prince Jackson, Corey Feldman.

Okay. Look, this has been wiped. It's part of a conspiracy wipe. I 100% yeah. Look at this. He's clearly his state has wiped all evidence of this. Yeah, this is, this is, I was all over this before. Oh yeah, look at that.

No, there it is right there. Where? Here? Right there, yeah. Oh, whoa. Right? Right? Right? That's at the same age. That's them at the same age. Yeah. That's a hundred percent match right there. Right? Oh, wow. So if he molested those kids, it was going to get semen. The goo. And then put it into Lisa Marie's Sliz. Oh, that's how that works. And then he made his children. He made his children.

Okay. If you think about it, if you are Michael Jackson. If you're the richest pop star in the world, you go. Who are the two most beautiful boys? Macaulay Culkin and Corey Feldman. If I'm not going to be the father of my children, who should be. Because he doesn't want them to be black. He doesn't want his kids to be black. Because he has a thing with that. The two prettiest white boys. Wow.

In the world. In the world. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. He said, ha, and he was the biggest star in the world. And he goes, I must have his feet. I must have his semen. Yeah.

Yeah. He's a seaman demon. So he got it from him. And then lost boys. Corey Feldman. Heart throb. Of course. Gag, kak, kak, kak, k.

pulls it out, puts it in his wife. You get some wasted on that juice. Yeah. Milks them. Milks these boys. Uh-huh. Makes his children. Uh-huh.

I mean, if you were Michael Jackson, who's kid, would you want? Who do you think is the house? I mean, it would be. I mean, it would be. Or something or. Well, I would probably go for a man, like Nick Nolty. Oh, you would have a grizzled. I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to judge the DNA by the boy.

I would want to know the man. DNA. Yeah. I would want to know his whole life. The rock, maybe. You'd go. Well, at that time, it would be probably Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson. That's a great choice. I would take a Mel Gibson. Sean Connery. Sean Connery is a good one.

I would milk the shit out of, yeah, Artie Lang probably. Would be a good one. Funny. Funny. But they'd be harder to get to. Yeah. You'd have to really... Because of the fat, you've got to push it down. Yeah. Pop it out. The little boys, you know, easier. Yeah.

Well, let's take him on tour with you a little bit. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, I don't even know if this counts as a conspiracy theory. This is just... That's obviously him. It's obvious. Well, it's not Michael Jackson, right?

Definitely. That's definitely Corey Feldman's kid. Wow. No wonder he's all fucked up. Corey Feldman. Of course. No wonder he's still dressing like Michael. He's the father of Michael's son.

Of course he thinks he thinks he's Highlander. He's assumed he's done the quickening. And now he is Michael Jackson in his mind. they're both the dad of that. They are the, he's the biological father of, if he's the king of pop, he's the father of the prince of pop. So he's Michael Jackson. He's the de facto king of pop.

Not Usher. No. Or whoever. No. He's a godfather. I don't know what he is. Okay. Over the last three days, it's been amazing.

The step king of pop. She shares a bed with her ex. On top of this, she was just diagnosed bipolar. And was recently in the same. psych ward uh these aren't run these aren't red flags red flags is like fosters a pit bull yeah that's a red flag red flag is like a bad relationship with dad that's a red that's a red flag these are like atomic bombs yeah in your life yeah uh centered on your penis yeah that's what we have here this is c4 strapped to your taint yeah it's not a red flag yeah this is a red flag shoved up

your ass, sideways. Yes. This is, and they share a bed. Do they now? Do they share it in shifts? Do they share a vagina? Yeah, yeah. I hate to tell you, buddy, but they do. They do. She also hates Trump. Now that's a red flag.

That alone is a no-go. But I wouldn't want to talk to a lady about politics, good or bad anyway. Well, you should be allowed to talk about politics. She should not. Yeah. You don't have a conversation about politics, the woman. This is a... This is why I think my next one's going to be Asian

because you don't ever hear them being like, you know what I think? You know, they just don't. They don't ever. You've never been in public and heard an Asian woman go, you know what I think about, I don't even think you would...

I don't think it's ever been said. I don't think it's ever been said that. Did I say that? You know what the I think or not? You've never heard that. No. Never heard it in that accent. You've never heard it from a woman's voice.

I don't even think I've heard it from an Asian man. You know what I think? They just tell you. They just tell you, yeah. Just go, best defense, not be there. Yeah. And then you go back to working on their house and their cars. Yeah.

And then you know karate. Or they go like, like that. Yeah. What's a dude to do here? I don't want breaking a 32-year loser streak blind me to some bad, bad news. You already got the worst possible news? Yeah. I mean.

Finding out she's a man would be less bad news. You're not in a relationship, dude. It's just some chick. She is. Yeah. She's in one. You went to, she wanted to bang someone at a, at a concert. I also just want to point out to you.

Like, you ever watch all these stories and you go, I wonder why this man got murdered by this man. This other man. Yeah, I wonder why. This is why. Uh-huh. You're the guy who gets murdered. And they go, I have no idea why that guy got murdered by that guy.

She told me, she didn't, she didn't tell me she had a husband. They just shared a bed. You know, I don't know, I thought it was perfectly fine. if you did this stuff if you did the stuff that she's doing we would call you gay and you'd be gay you'd be gay yeah which is fine but

that's what you're telling us right now incidentally the sex was not that good yeah because it was wrong I'm sorry could she not get into it behind her husband's back is that what it was drunk for someone she just met from a concert yeah and by the way I've been through a situation like this recently and yeah you know what the worst sex is

is the oh my god I My phone keeps ringing and it's my husband's. It's bad. It's so bad. I would definitely say don't do it and then definitely don't try to turn it into a relationship. You shouldn't even be texting this person anymore. I wouldn't recommend watching porn for 20 years

before touching a woman. That can't be good for perspective. No, the porn didn't ruin your mind. This is not something good that you're doing. This is gross what you're doing This is why he thinks all the other things are okay Because he just thinks of them as plot points In a pornography

Yeah, porn didn't fuck you up, you did There's another guy in the room, that's normal Porn is messing up my brain Yeah Yeah Jimmy Smith's your devoted L.A. Dickhead Go have normal sex with a woman that likes you Yeah

Not that a woman who's trying to escape From an abusive boyfriend Yeah, that's the worst And again, speaking from recent experience Don't you can't rescue dogs, not women. Yeah. Because no one from the shelter is going to come kill you for fucking their dog.

You're talking about turning this bitch into a housewife already. Look at all these words you're talking about. You can't bring a bitch back from a show. And that's never, there is no. Unless it's your show. No, no. No, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you, not even if it's your show.

It was my show. And it still doesn't work. Still doesn't work. It's a bad place to meet women It's a bad place to meet women Long term. Yeah, period. Period.

Nothing good can come from banging a woman. You had sex, just leave it at that. Don't spoil the horrible sex with a horrible relationship. I should have just changed my name and number after that and just gone about my life. You know? But there's this thing when you're in your 40s

and you're coming off of a end of a 12-year relationship and a 25-year-old bad decision just falls in your lap and you go, Who am I to look a gift horse in the pussy, you know? Gifts whore. Yeah. And then the problem was, I was like, I could probably put a saddle on this, bring it to Burbank.

Have to be a big saddle. Tell all my friends. No, it wasn't. No, it was very small. Metaphorically. Yeah, she was so small that I started to look at every other woman I've ever been with in my life as morbidly obese. Yeah.

Yeah. Porn didn't do that. No. Another woman did that. Yeah, no. Yeah. I was just like, wow, this is. This porn's ruining my idea of women.

No, and other women are. Yeah, it was other women that ruined... I've seen some of them shut their mouth. That's what's ruining them for me. Yeah, I don't... I mean, like, I don't know. I've gotten to the point in my life where I can't... I couldn't even enjoy porn anymore

because porn is broken through the fourth wall. Like, back when we watched porn... Now it's like wrestling. Yeah, it's like everyone knows it's fake. Yeah. The girl has her Instagram where she just talks as herself. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, back in the day, there were the DVDs and there was no way for me. It just came from somewhere. There was no way for me to contact Cassidy. Uh-huh. There was no way. Yeah. She was this, she might as well been goddamn Meryl Street. Mm-hmm.

I had as much access to her as I do to Meryl's. Now if I want to listen to Mia Khalifa talk about her day, I can just pull that up. Yeah. And why the fuck would I want to do that? It's ruined. It's ruined. It is. I don't want to know that they're people.

No. And now that I know that they're people and I can access them as people, then what is the appeal of pornography? to watch another man fuck a person? What am I, a homosexual? I agree. All porn is gay.

All porn is now gay porn. Yeah. Because you've humanized these women. Yeah. That was not the point. Now I'm just watching the penis. Yeah. Gay.

It is gay. Yeah, because you know why? You don't know the guy. You have no idea who he is. You've never looked him up. It's true. You don't know who he is. Some of these guys have names.

You see him in the credits. You go, I'll never know who that is. I don't know who that is. Never looked that up. Okay, Boomer, Captain Picard. The real difference between the next generation in the original series was the development of the Federation. I don't want to read Star Trek, stuff.

Sam, Baby Talk. Hey, Dick, I appreciate the baby segments, probably because I'm roughly one week behind you with my first kid, and getting a weekly preview has been extremely helpful. We just celebrated three nights in a row of five-hour sleeps. Oh, we have not had one of those. So I'm cautiously optimistic

that I'll get a full night's sleep again before he grows up. I hope that yours starts sleeping more so you can give back to the importance of drinking. Thank you. Dealing with hospital, administration, scheduling, with insurance. That pisses me off. I can't believe how great we were treated in the hospital

and how competent everyone is. Well, the administration is apparently handled by several blind monkeys. Good luck to you. 80s girl smooches for Johnny. And a crisp high-five to Vito for actually putting out a comic that I enjoyed reading. There you go.

This guy can't count. Reading comics. Yeah. Can't count to four. Uh, woman alert. Is that broken? There we go. Woman alert.

Woman alert. Cop pulls over a dude, alerts him he has a gun, and woman cop is tasked with obtaining said gun. Woman moment occurs as expected. All right, let's see. What we got here. Oh, is this the one where she gets her gun taken away? From a criminal? Yeah.

I wish I could say there was only the one. Yeah. All righty. Is this that one? Have you seen it before? Nope, this is a new one. What's up my man? Can I turn this? Drive licenses, proof of insurance, all that good stuff?

He blew that red light. The light was yellow and turned red when I went out of it. It was red. Okay, well, I saw it, it was red. So, all right, well, you got a fruit tight. You got a, you got anything crazy in the car? Yeah. What you got?

Yep. You got a gun? Got a gun? You do? All right. Where's that? It's on you? Okay. As long as you're cool. Oh, I'm not.

I'm chill. I appreciate your honesty. That's awesome. I wasn't unintelligible. He said I ain't trying to lie. No, you don't? All right. You're not convicted, feeling right?

Nothing. Okay. All right. So what we're going to do is, just for my safety, your safety, I'm going to have you step out. All right, fair enough. We're just going to remove the pistol from you.

And then we're going to run your license to make sure you're going to send you on the way. Sounds pretty simple. Yeah. Oh, my side. All right. Here comes the officer woman. I appreciate that.

Oh, you're all right. You okay? Oh my God. Oh my God. She shot him with his own gun. She reached into his pocket and grabbed the trigger and shot the gun in his pocket.

Oh. Put the gun down. You're okay? No. Hey, rescue 1068. Oh, unbelievable. Oh, my God. Shit.

Are you allowed to request a male officer? Oh, I would. I have a gun on me, but I do not want this chick coming near me. Un-fucking believable I mean, hold on, it's not I don't know what I was thinking It's very believable Can you just knock me out first?

Wow That is fucked Unreal Oh by the way That man just won the power ball That guy definitely is going to bankrupt That police precinct right I mean that's all on video

And she just went, whoops Look at her face while she's going for it I can't move Instagram videos What if she accidentally grabbed his dick And it startled her And then that's what set the gun off Oh God, okay Thank you for the video

Unbelievable Big news Siku says big news And non-immigrant visas must now be renewed In the country of origin To prove their residency status Oh Wow really

Sayonara. Yeah. I mean, what's Indian for goodbye? I don't know. I don't know. Flushing sound. Goosh. Yeah, that would be.

Is that why the, is that why the, one of the first things God did was flood the planet? Yeah. Just flush that toilet. Yeah. Uh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

All right. It's time for everyone's favorite. Yes Fat watch Today in fat news Hell yeah Usually we do Johnny's corner too

But Johnny Do you want me to go Sit in his corner? Hit the corner No I don't want to adjust all the cameras

And so That's fine All right This is Phil Ramos Sent this in Thank you Phil This appears to be

A fat woman With a head That's shaped Like a potato A lopsided potato um where the neck starts inflating yeah yeah like a blowfish yeah she looks like she's wearing an airplane pillow yes right yeah yeah a woman who's got an airplane pillow for a neck and there's a black guy sucking at her airplane pillow airplane pillow let's see here

i'm recording i'm gonna get off my double chin oh dang yeah that's got to be worse than slavery right there are both of our faces also just a totally reasonably looking black man like what are you doing what are you doing I mean I know what he's doing he's getting his bills paid but what are you doing you don't have to

you don't have to pretend to like it oh oh is he got to think? No, I think he's homeless. He's homeless. Yeah. He's really committed to the act. He's making sure that he... She's probably filling out her life insurance, putting him on it right now. Yeah. I got to make sure that she does not have second thoughts. Wow. Oh. Also, she thinks... They need reparations from this.

Don't show that slave that with his back all whipped up. Show this. This is how bad it is. that's so true that's worse if i if i if that were the option i go i'll take the whip please thank you i can go big cotton i don't let me add him dude my ac went out for like three days this week the compressor went out on my hvac and they had to replace it so i didn't have air on my apartment for three days and i was like i swear to god i would rather be raped in air conditioning than to live without it yeah it was so unbearable Uh, and even that, I'd be like, get rid of all my AC before I would ever lick a woman, a fat woman's double chin. Oh, oh, okay. Who's the lucky? Oh, okay. All right. Okay. All right. Okay. That's an obvious one. Come on. It's pretty clear. Let's see what we've got here. This is redneck. Oh, wow. Now, is that a fat or is that a big tits?

This is bad. But this is this. See how, but see how even if she lost 60 pounds, she, she's, still have those big tits? This is where they sneak up on you. This is, yeah, at some point she was just big tits. She was just big tits. But now it's all gone to shit. This is some sort of a redneck brawl. Miami, you get an ocean, you'll get a cocaine high just from being in it.

That's why I was there. Here we go. Where can I go to see this? This is fantastic. What is this? Her pity is fucking out. Two big old bruiser's wet. wailing on each other.

Swanson swap meat? It's like Carnival Cruze on for white people. Swanson is the fucking meal delivery thing. Slosson Swatman. She are just going to take that top off. I tell you all, there will be tits. Come on, come on.

She's beating a piss out of her. I think she's going to do it. Bam. Yeah, hell yeah. This is great. How do they get Theo Vaughn to be both commentators? Good question. All right, when you take a tortoise out to eat?

Oh. It's a woman who makes her own tacos by putting a tortilla in front of her mouth and then shoving all the meat and stuff in. Oh, yeah. Through the tortilla. I saw it. I'm not even that fat. Poo.

I'm putting on a condom, but with food. Ugh. Yeah, cool. Okay. Disgusting. Let's see what else we got here. Is this? All right.

That's a nice one. When you spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours making a replica Taylor Swift body suit in the Australian era's tour leg is over. So now I've got to wear it to walk Susan to make the most of it. You don't have to. Oh, this is an homage to Taylor Swift. Wow. This is a tribute to Taylor Swift.

This. this Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Looks like a giant Purse Or bag Is that what you think

Yeah Colosomy bag A bed dazzled Colostomy bag Yeah you think That those purple things Are stitching But it's actually just

The stretch marks On her belly Underneath the shear Veracose veins Yeah Lovely Yeah Okay

Somebody in the comments Just put Why would you do this All right Do we have any more fat watches let me check the discord mm-hmm

let the record show by the way that I am not one of these uptight fats like our good friend Mr. G where like if some silly fat person thing

ever happened to me I would bring it into the show myself and go look at this I did a fat thing and people caught it on tape oh here we go some more recent outfits for you I love dressing up

okay oh these are good I like when these fat broads cosplay oh nice oh i love an old fat cosplay what is this cheesecake factory waitress oh wow where do you think they get honey baked ham is uh having waitresses now store this has 220

000 views and way too many likes yeah it's got a lot of likes it's got a lot of bookmarks too 14,000 like who's coming back to this other than us she's got a map of probably Disneyland it's to scale scale size map I'm the map I'm the map I'm the map this is it she's going that's like a cat like rear oh yeah she's got a 1950s skirt on man she'd be in a circus in the 50s yeah and probably probably too fat for the circus well they'd hide the zoo animals underneath that tarp yeah she would be the circus That's where everybody would go in to see them kill the giraffes.

I don't know. I've never been to a circus. And this is one of those parachute things that they have in elementary schools. I had that quilt. My grandmom had that quilt in her house. We all shared it. This is six grandmas of quilts. Yeah.

She's got when they unleash the legs. Oh, yeah? You think that's hot? Check this shit out. And it looks like an elephant. Stomp, stomp. It looks like your buddy who tried making

his own Brotwurst for the first time and you're just like, you haven't quite nailed that yet maybe don't show those to people. She's blacking out her face in these pictures but she should be blocking out

everything else. Yes, yeah. Yeah, the emoji should be covering everything else here. Yeah. Okay. Blah. Thanks.

That's from Elguniel. Okay. That's a nice one. What do they eat? This is a... Dunkeroo's. This is a big fat black woman here.

Hold on. There's a pool nearby. This could be a suicide cult. She's the smartest. She's like, I'm going to hang out with all these bitches. It looks like a cruiser way. Who you'll think. thin-ass bitch friend in the back.

Anorexic bitch. She's about 165 pounds. All right. Here's, this is from Squizz. Have you ever seen someone take this long to get out of a booth? This is a fat woman. If I'm being honest, I've been in a booth recently. It took me this long to get out of.

Let's see. Not yet. Let's see. I could take you to a place where there's a booth that I don't fit in. That this would be the reaction. And then you could film it and put it on that. show. Why did she go to the very end? Well, that's a rookie move.

Yeah. Oh, boy. I've never had to lift my leg up. Have you ever heard to straighten your halter top while you were getting on? Yes. Yes, I have. But I've never had to lift up my leg fat. That she's trying not to fart while she's doing that. Oh, is that what it is?

Yeah. Maybe she's got a funnel in there to relieve the pressure. I swear to God, I'm going to I'm going to use one of those things. On yourself. You're going to try it? Yeah. Why not? Why not?

What if it just... It's amazing. What if it's just awesome? And it's just unleashed all... You didn't even know you had all this trap gas and it just went... Yeah, and I go like... Like SpongeBob.

Yeah, yeah. What if I did it and was thin? What if I did one right now? It's just gas. 125 pounds. I mean, look at how much asshole skin is getting on this booth! You gotta spray this thing off! Look at this shit!

I hope they spray it off. I mean, look at these shorts. They got to be up... They got to be way up in her. Pussy. They're soaked. You can see they're soaked. They're soaked. Is this some kind of like a fetish restaurant she's at? Yeah. This might as well be a strip club.

Yeah, this is... You know, last one I was out, it's like, this is fucking ridiculous. They pounded the stage into the ground. They're so fat. You went to a fat people strip club? Well, it didn't say that on the front. It said normal strip club. You see, uh, see Chrissy Mayer's opener doing like midget strip clubs? No, it's... Lila?

Lila, yeah. She goes out with all these magic midge. Strip clubs? A little stripper, yeah. Oh, yeah. I like to see hot women. That's my problem.

Yeah, no. Do they still do that? No. It's got to be some kind of free show. It's only. Yeah, it's, yeah, why would they go down to a strip club and risk getting mugged or raped by the security guards when they could just sit at home and sit on a banana for $1,000 a day?

Why go to strip club where you have to go, like, walk around? You have to be touched by them. And, you know. spray a pole down. There's a lot of work left to be done. You know, Trump won. That's great, but there's a lot of work to be done. Oh, yeah.

If women are going around screaming at effeminate men like this, and they're going on TV and they don't have the patter. We need an organization that does outreach to guys like this to prevent them from going on TV. Like the anti-racist government squad, the civil, whatever it was, they'd go if you were a victim of a crime by a minority, they would brainwash you. into going on TV and saying it's not about race

you know, like even though it's obviously about race or you know, it's just something you would say like, yeah, this goddamn, you know, American history X shit. Yeah. We need that, but for men who've been wronged by women, so they don't go on TV and embarrass themselves like that. Like, look, you're going to be, you're going to feel like you have to apologize

but actually, you don't. You should have punched this woman in the face. Yeah, say that, go on TV and say, kept the baseball. Next time I'm going to fucking knock a bitch out. Yeah. Like Ice Cube. Yeah. The only way that man saying I didn't want it to escalate would have been okay as if he said

because the last time I did it it was their mother and she's dead that's the only way I would have been like okay now this guy's kind of cool you know she's using her asshole to walk across the booth she's still going

is that pepteroismol milkshake what the fuck is she moved she's out of breath she's out of breath from shimmying to booth what size is this exactly oh that's a high tines ex hell was it designed to look like this she's 375 at least

yeah that's the 375 the Godzilla line yeah that's at uh Victoria's secret never had to lift my ass fat I've never even had to lift my ass fat I've never even had to lift my ass fat

To wipe my ass This is how they moved The heads at Easter Island The way she's getting out of this booth This is how the pyramids were built Yeah What the fuck Oh my god

Okay that's a good one guys You got anything else? That's really good Oh I saw this one You saw this one? Oh this one's horrendous All right Can I

This one's from NECROC All right buddy Let me see if we can load this Ugh See this is what we do on fat watch It's cool Or weight watchers

It's cool This is fun Listen if the point is to get me To never eat again I still might But I won't enjoy it Yeah I won't enjoy it

Okay Okay Is that going Yeah all right well so that's where my health care is going

oh this is why it takes an hour to get little Dick Jr's gear where the fuck is this thing uh no play

this VLC you fucking jerk play VLC Mm-hmm Window capture There it is All right

There we are There we go And So TikTok How are you guys Posting late Okay Let's get a

Pull The plug What do you do Pull the plug? I'm being here all day, but my daughter's in a little bit of pain, so, and plus she's a messy eater. So I'm going to help her and feed my pumpkin, some tacos, so she don't make a mess. But it's messy. Yes, my couple is messy.

Because she's a messy person. She can't even eat. Look at her fat fucking face. Oh, she don't eat my finger, guys. Is that a fart? Or a laugh. I think she tried to laugh. shit exploiting or so.

What is this thing? This little mouse. Desert thing. This is like, didn't Jabba the HUD have a little animal that he would eat, like a bucket of animals? That's what it is. Oh, look at this thing. Yeah, somebody threw it from the bucket and it didn't quite make it to her mouth.

Like a sardine. Oh. So you checking it and making sure. So just a quick update, we're still here at Chop. Just giving my baby show. Oh, Chop. You know what Chop is? Children's Hospital of Philadelphia,

which means she's a minor. That's a child. Like precious? Yeah. Bro. Yeah. When does child services come in and go, you're done?

What are they going to do? Give them to another. Shoot them both in the head. Yeah, okay. We need to get that lady cop in here from the pull over earlier. Let's get a women's only security. Child Protective Services. Yes, goes in.

disarm them. Yeah. Yeah. Go in there. Take any guns that they might have. Yeah. Do a good job. Yeah. We know you will.

And then every year we lost 5% of the cases. Yeah. Got shot. Yeah. Eventually the problem solves itself. A Mexican standoff is when two people have deadly weapons point in each other. We need the vaginal standoff. Yeah.

We need a vaginal standoff. Yeah. Three lady cops. Three lady cops. We put these two failures of a human being in betwiwixt. the crossfire and we just let a rip two lady cops one criminal with a handcuffed with a gun in his pocket yes who makes it out of that yeah yeah impossible to say we all do we all make it society makes it out of it better better and changed do women police officers nope right are they

aware of the stigma of them not being able to handle a firearm No. That's why they charge over to a man with a baseball and go, excuse me, that landed near me. It's mine. Are they? Go back to what is. I need the Caitlin Clark of women cops. It's like, we got to do better than this. Yeah. This is. No, she's a once in a lifetime. You know, Caitlin Clark is by old standards, like, detestably unattractive. Right. But the fact that she has accomplished. competency, add a skill, makes her a 10 in today's society. Yeah. We're like, I'd rather fuck her than any retarded model or idiot lady who's just like,

that's my maze ball. Like, kill yourself. Okay, let's see what happens to this. Maybe she has a heart attack right here. Taco is her favorite. Like, this is the third day in a row. She's ate it. Of course.

But she keeps eating it. So I don't know what her favorite. Like, comment, and share, share, share, share, share, share. Yeah. What did she say? Is this the World of Warcraft South Park episode? Is that what we're watching? The live action.

Has-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-ha-ha-h. Is that her catchphrase? Has-h-h-h-h-h. I guess. I don't know. I don't see that again. I'm going to subscribe. I mean, I am going to subscribe.

It's a countdown. Hey, ha-s-h-h-h-h-s. I think she's saying, that's us. Like comment and share, share, share, share, share. We need subtitles on this. I thought it was that's us too, but... But it could be hot sauce. It could be hot sauce.

Hats out. That's how I'm signing off all these videos from now. All right. Hats us. Josh, what's new with you? Where can we find your stuff? Just go to joshdineycom. I'll be in New York.

927 with Anthony Coomy and Gavin McKinnis. Oh, cool. That's very cool. People can get tickets at Joshdannycom or censored. Okay Awesome man Yeah I'm just still doing that

It's good to see you Yeah I know I feel like I'm like Gradually seeing people From the before time Yeah To remember that there's an entity Outside of the baby

That exists Yeah Yeah I mean You know I pretty much The entity is me Yeah the entity is me Yeah

Yeah yeah But I come in and it's You know It doesn't seem like much has changed Just the third person here The dog is a little needier She's nicer to me She's just like, rescue me.

Give me out of here. They're ignoring me now. She goes outside and sits. When the baby starts crying, she's like, all right, I'm out of it. Does she really? She just walks out of the room. Like, all right, this is, you guys suck. Aren't you supposed to be one of those adorable with the let the baby crawl on you dogs?

You're just like a this. Yeah, she is. Yeah. She's like, all right. I've heard enough. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Thinking you shit out.

Maybe I'll get a dog. They're tough. Yeah. Because you got to walk them every day. Well, that's fine. Yeah. I mean, I will say, lost 20 pounds walking that dog for three weeks. Oh, did you really? Yeah. What are you at now?

Yeah, I'm at like 290. Okay. Probably 303 after this weekend. They're fun. Dogs are fun. No, they're great. Yeah. But no, I mean, yeah, that was the part. That was the fun part. I would get a, I would get one. But the problem is, is like, the thing that's tricky for me is I would want one young so that doesn't have any bad habits. But then you got to train it. And I don't know anything about that. yeah the labs are like self-training they don't do any Labradors yeah because they're so hungry yeah yeah

all the time like what do you want what you need to do fucking food I sit yeah roll yeah bang fuck yeah

yeah shake yeah give me the goddamn food yeah the problem with L.A. is all the rescues are pit bulls

and so you're like how much murder is this one learned already you know yeah every woman has like a murderous pit bull

that's a red flag pit bull's red flag yeah a chick chick with her pit bull is like I foster Red flag. Sleeping with boyfriend. Sharing a bed.

It's not a red flag anymore. Yeah, yeah. Just run that back what you wrote. She's roommates with her ex and they share a bed. That's called married. So yeah, Joshanycom. Been great to come back. Yeah, it's great.

Been fun. Thanks for coming in. Yeah. I hope Johnny gets his... It don't matter. Pothole. I'll be sober next Sunday, too, if I have to be. All right.

See you, buddy. Bye, everybody. Uh, all right.