The Dick Show - Episode 48 - Dick on Saving the World

Episode Date: May 2, 2017

Secondary Audio Programming, the Science Justice Warrior, the failures of high school Spanish, getting fat, how many lies it takes to save the world, a Trump pinata knife altercation, fool's liquor, Dustin's man-on-the-street bit, apostrophe's, women and their purses, Consuelo's Cinco de Mayo podcast, three-act emasculation, taking ten minutes to say goodbye, headrest hunchbacks, the panicked phone calls of a county run-off, the next two Road Rage cities, Sean gets a Star Trek shirt, I get a pen, and Madcucks gets a podcast; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

I Think Ready Oh wait, it's single to my all this week A goal Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo So, I'll, Maestro De La Programma, Dick Maestro, you're saying, go on me, uh, Siempre, Sean, El Enhanero,

audio. Oladita. Ha ha. Hey, Kepaso, Umbre, let me go. I made, hey everybody,

that was the SAP, the SAP version. You know, I, you remember SAP? Yeah. You ever fiddle with it? Yeah, second area. Like you're watching the Simpsons, and, you remember SAP? Yeah. You ever fiddle with it? Yeah, second area. Like you're watching the Simpsons,

and you hit that SAP, and that Homer voice kicks in. Hey, do you know what's me, oh, Bart? You're like, oh, no, fucking way. This is what like millions of people know this guy as Homer. I watch it exclusively on SAP. Yeah, I want that guy to do the voice of the regular one. You know what, makes me rage about foreign languages? What's that bullshit?

They're such bullshit. Such bullshit. Learning a foreign language. Like how much time did we waste an embarrassment and panic in high school and maybe college, but definitely high school going through this sham, this charade that any of us are going to learn Spanish. Yeah.

Like any of us because you could go through all the way through the program. And it was the only class where you feel, I don't know, I don't know if I'm speaking for everybody, but at least for me, it was the only class where you feel like a sense of panic over the tests because every other class you get put down to the level where you can coast through it. Like nobody's, nobody's trying. You don't have to try. Like math or English.

How do you try in English in high school? You just talk about how reading a thing made you feel. Like what do we read? Oh, you read 10 pages of the Scarlet Letter. How do you feel about it? Do we really, do we need to do this? We need to talk, we need to practice having an opinion. Don't worry, the entire rest of life

is practicing having a fucking stupid opinion. I don't need to do it every day, but whatever, for whatever reason, if you're not opinioning at the highest level, you can go have an opinion in the remedial English class. Yeah. Where they read, there's a monster at the end of this book, and then you could have an opinion on that.

Every other class, science, not, you're not getting it right? Remedial class. Or you go to the higher class, whatever. Math, remedial class, do it again. You scoot around too much in math, remedial math class. You can go have fun with those guys, but Spanish, you can't, there's no remedial Spanish, because it's either Spanish or it's not.

Yeah, well, I mean, I guess if you fail Spanish one, you don't get to take Spanish two, right? I don't know. You have to though, don't you? You have to take like a certain number of Spanish. Fine art. Oh, is that what it was? Spanish was just the easiest one?

Yeah. I don't know why. Look, by my point is, I don't know why any of us took it. Because the second you could take all four years, ace everything. You do your flashcards and you go through learning words that you have never said in English for your entire life, like library. The only time I ever talk about a library is to make fun of it for having jack off machines. So thank God, I know how to say where the jack off machines are for the homeless

in Spanish. Yeah. Thank you for it. Because the second you get off the plane in Mexico or wherever, the second you wander out of a bar where the little man in the banditos uniform who has whale bones in both hands and shot glasses and is blowing the whistle, trying to get 19 year old chicks blasted. The second you leave the comfort of that bar in in Mexico, you do not know the first you round know the first thing about speaking Spanish because you have no vocabulary. Yeah. You walk out and like, well, it's getting, it's getting late. Which way?

Where's the, where's the pool? No idea. No idea how to say, it's a bit chilly. It's a bit chilly. I have no fucking idea. I know how to say how to get to the house. I say for you. I say, fucking idea. I know how to say, how to get to the house. How to say for you? I say, yeah, I say thank you, Sean.

My point is it's not, they teach you how to talk in the most unnatural way possible, like a magic feather. So if you walk out and have to either, talk to a chick for God's sake, or try to actually get something in Spanish, you're fucked. You don't think it helped in Costa Rica though,

because they speak pretty clear there. If you're in Mexico, all bets are off. I don't know. Because what they speak ain't Spanish. I don't think it helped in Costa Rica though, because they speak pretty clear there. If you're in Mexico, all bets are off. I don't know. Because what they speak ain't Spanish. I don't know. As soon as I try to talk, like, I'm not a robot. Like, I'm not in as good a sound like you learned high school. You're gonna learn like you're coming out of a children's cartoon.

You might as well just walk around the street banging a drum with a sandwich board that says mug me. Yeah, I bet that's what it teaches you to do. I've been to Baja a bunch of times on fishing trips and all I know is my Spanish was always better than their English. So what it accomplished in addition to like pointing or something, that's what they need to teach.

Then you need to ditch the foreign language and English and just teach grunting. Grunting and pointing. Like just reduce everything and get through it, oh, I get through it all the way we were meant to communicate with all these big stupid words. Just get the point across with the universal language of grunting and pointing and some kind of a universal flip-off.

Yeah, no, no, no, like babies, like children. Yeah. You wanna have fishing trips, huh? Yeah. You ever catch anything big? Yeah. Would you go fishing for? I don't like the way this line of questioning is going.

I can already tell. I can already tell. Anything big? There's a, yeah. You catch some crabs? Haha. No, cut sailfish. Cut some big, big Dorado.

Oh, that's cool. It's me, all the tail. How big are we talking on the Dorado? Dorado's the ones that are beautiful in the water and the second you pull them out, they look like shit. Yeah, they do. And they've got the big, the bulls have the big kind of square heads. It's mahi mahi, same fish.

Or endolphin fish, they call it in Florida. It's all the same fish. Man, my dad. The best 50 pounds, 50 pounds ish. You caught a 50 pound derado. Yeah, several. Flayed up on the boat. You can take it back to the hotel and they'll do it.

Man, that's good eating. Yeah, my dad. Sailfish or not. So fish are not good eating. No, you give it to them. Apparently you can smoke them and they're okay. Yeah. But it's like swordfish of the billfish.

It's like Marlin tastes like shit. Sailfish tastes like shit. I've never tried them. This is just what people tell me. But swordfish is the only one of the billfish. It's like Marlin tastes like shit, sailfish tastes like shit. I've never tried them. This is just what people tell me. But you know, swordfish is the only one of the billfish that takes it right off the front. I'll take a big bite like an umbilical cord to show my dominance over the sailfish.

Those things stink, man. They do. Like even just touching like the bill of one, it just reeks like a terrible fish smell. You're like, okay, like usually fish is like once you cut it up and gut it and all that kind of stuff. But it's like, no, like usually fish is like once you cut it up and gut it and all that kind of stuff, but it's like, no, they just stink. So my day, it was never addressed when we were kids, but for somehow, trophy fish showed

up in our house when I was like eight years old, these giant, like a giant Dorado. So I know exactly what you're talking about with the bullhead. Yeah, the little fin, it looked like a giant piranha. It looked like a piranha mixed with like a, like a, like the final fantasy sword from Final Fantasy VII. Like this is this giant blunt nose. For some reason, when I was about eight, that a pair of trophy fish showed up. The Dorado on one of them, a sailfish on the other one.

And the sailfish was like seven, eight feet long. And my dad did not catch them. Yeah. He just picked them up from somebody. And that's just good. Brought them home. Just as good. And mounted them on the wall.

And they looked completely, they looked preposterous. Like this is, what room would they be at? The main TV room right above the fireplace where most people would have like pictures of their kids like most people would have like those That would look weird glamour shots. It was the most ass-in-ine thing I like I remember even being a kid of going how the fuck are you getting away with this? How are you like what it what was the compromise that mom gave up to allow you to have another guy's Trophy fit not even in the garage, but straight into the main room. Never addressed that mystery.

We never solved the mystery of the trophy vision house. All right, anyway, let's see what I got today. Where on the know? What's up? They get junked. Well, I hope so. Yeah, they're not there now. I don't think they were given back.

What makes me erase this week? God, I got a big list here. Are you aware that there is such a thing as a liquor traps? Are you aware that there is such a thing as a wine margarita? Yes. Dude, apparently they sell frozen basically, right? Uh, no, they sell these in restaurants that don't have a liquor life. Oh, yeah. a liquor license or soju cocktails. Soju cocktails. Sean, 80s girl and I spent probably 40 minutes driving around town on Friday, just trying to get a bowl of guacamole and some tacos and some margaritas.

Yeah. Like a actually get drunk. Yes. Like a real margarita with the taste in the bite of tequila, where I don't have to tell myself that I'm drinking like the liquid equivalent of emasculation. Yeah. Just a good old fashioned American tequila margarita. That's what we wanted. We spent, and we live in the, the concrete bunker is located on a mountain side in what is basically little Mexico in LA. We have no, we have no chain stores. We have the lights are in different colors. The green there's no green light. There's just a pinata drops out of the street light when you can

go. Yeah. And then there's when it's stop, it's a soccer ball that the light is a, it's an actual physical. What I'm saying is you, you would think there is a plethora of locations to go to and get a simple tequila margarita, not so checking the help full bar, nothing pops up. Do that's impossible. We're driving down the street and these restaurants have it in every fucking window. Happy hour right now. All the margaritas you can drink. Stop in for three hours unlimited chips. Margaritas happy Friday.

Come on in and get blasted right here. Here's your stop perfect. Pull in, go in and I say to the lady, hey, just to let you know, Yelp doesn't have a full bar at this place. It says no. We don't have any liquors. You don't have tequila.

So, the market is what? The market is what, just go to a diner. Yeah. I might as well go to a liquor store, get a bag of pork rinds, and a bottle of tequila, and sit on a bus stop and drink.

Because I can't go to a restaurant that's got a margarita, the size of a barn outside of their place of business. Come on in right here, exactly what you want and you go in and it's what? A blended mess of ice full of wine? How is that possible here though? That's still, that's incredible. I spent because possible here though? I don't know. That's incredible.

I spent because I would not, I drew the line, this is one of my line in the sand moments. I'll tolerate a lot of shit, but I am not getting through the week, getting to Friday afternoon, holding up a spot, sitting on that shitty, Naga hide, what is that booth material, that plastic that the best booths are made out of?

You know, the Mexican food restaurants, they're all red. It's like a plethora. It's like some kind of a plethora plastic that you, you know, everybody knows the feeling of sinking into that nice, comforting Mexican food booth. It's like that like tuck and roll, like the old upholstery and certain cars. Yeah, it's like where it's plastic coated

and they stitch it in and it's got that. Yeah, but it feels nice. It's like a nice warm hug for your body and your ass and it's nice and dark and you think all I wanna do is drink three margaritas and flirt with my girlfriend. That's all I wanna do is sit here in the darkness of this Mexican restaurant and drink some tequila and some sugar water. And they bring out this atrocity, this trick that they don't, that they do not tell you

is a fake margarita. No. Ever. I spent, I felt like a prosecutor. I was like, well, where, so you don't have a full bar. What are you putting in? The Margarita. It's like oh it's a Margarita No, it's not take it all back. Yeah, I don't want to so we go to another place same thing So I say I know I know we remember we were both at another place many weeks ago that had real

They were they were good Margaritas. I know exactly where to go to get the margaritas. We drive 15, 20 minutes out of the way to go to this place that was sure. Has a margarita because we had them there. We get in there. No liquor on the walls. Now one bot just Corona's and say, wait a minute. We did, we did drink here, right? And we got really drunk.

But that's when we had started. No, stupid placebo. That's when we started thinking, wait a minute, we stopped drinking after two margaritas and went home because we got tired. And we always blamed ourselves for quitting early on that night, but it's because they tricked us with these fake fucking margaritas.

Because had you had the full octane stuff, you would have gone right past the tired stage. Yeah, you would have been off to the races. Fuckin' needed. At the wine, tired, all that sugar, you got your body started making a bunch of insulin, trying to deal with that, you got tired. It's making decisions for me.

I need that liquor in my veins to keep me moving forward. You know, you get less and less sleep as you get older. Like old people don't sleep, right? It's not because they don't need it anymore. It's just because they've learned how to deal cope with life without sleep. So I need that liquor. I need it.

If you're a Mexican restaurant without tequila, first of all, you should be ashamed of yourselves. But if you are trying to give people margaritas without with soju or whatever in them, that's straight over the wall. That's it. Yeah. That's it. First you should be shut down. First to go. First to go. You remember last week, I don't know if I told you this. This is goss, it's just across the transom. I went to that British girl's birthday party. Yes.

The one who leaked to the I Disavow, Maddox's I Disavow my book. Posts from Facebook. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My own personal weeky leaks. So I brought, I brought to her party, being, you know, wanting to add a little spice to the party. Yeah.

All right. I picked up a Trump piñata on the way to her party. So I think where, and I don't, I get this thing like where, I just want people to, I want to see their bad side. Like I bought, I bought the Trump doll. I walked into this little meetienda down the street because like I said, we're living in Little Mexico, which is great in some ways. And you know, you can't, you go to the store here and you got to change your, your frame of reference. If you're going in with a list, throw the list away. You

make the list when you're there because the inventory is always changing. Oh, yeah. You think you want some ground port? Nap doesn't exist. Never, never heard of it. They never heard of it in there before. Anyway, I know the stores you have around here. They're not like the big chains. No, you got like super A foods. Super A, super king. Yeah, Super King Markets, yeah. With the worst parking lot in the world, anyway. Yeah. We go to We Go to Weeky Leaks's birthday, and I'm buying this Trump pinata at the meaty end of down the street.

I say the guy, hey, yeah, yeah, how much for this? I'll take it. I'll take it. And he goes, yeah, you want to buy a stick to go with it so you can beat it up. And I was like, oh man, I'm gonna use my hands. And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. It's better than the way it's written. And I was like, yeah, yeah, what else?

Like, come on, give me that. It's like, I need it. Like, it makes me, I just hear, when they think they're in a conspiracy with me, to like enact, to be violent, I just love it. I don't care who it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, give me that, give me that, give me that, give me that. So I take the Trump thing to her party and drop it off, everybody's having a good laugh.

People are coming over taking pictures with it. Like it's just, like it's this, I've never seen anything like this before. So ridiculous. Not, he's from from gonna be so ironic. From their trip every day, from their apartment to Whole Foods, to the dog, the dog's gym, yeah, to the Earth Cafe, to the headshot,

to the coffee shop where everybody's writing, to what else do they got to their record store and then back to their, they don't encounter any Trump piñatas. No. So they got to take a picture of this thing, right? So apparently I leave the party and this is what makes me rage about it. Somebody comes over to the piñata and they're like, hey, is this your piñata? And she goes, yeah, yeah, you wanna take a picture of it?

You know, everybody's been coming over take a picture. This guy says, no, I don't. I actually got a big problem with that. He fucking pulls, he flashes like a knife, like a full on, five, like a full on knife, as though he's gonna start stabbing people up. Yeah. Over this fucking piñata that I've brought to this guy. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh no. I think it's escorted down there. All right. Jesus Christ. Yeah. So happy birthday. You're welcome.

You're welcome for the great president. What happened? What became of the piñata by the end of the night? Oh, he's safe. He's safe. He's safe. Yeah, he's safe. Okay. Okay. This is what makes me rage this week.

Candy in there? No, I put Elizabeth Warren's chances of winning the 2020 election in there. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay. So when you break it open, a big fucking fat nothing flies out of it. Here's what makes me rage this week. The social justice warrior is dead.

Yeah. You know that? The social justice warrior. You're not a phrase. You know that, the social justice warrior, you're not a phrase, you know who that is. You mean, yeah, I do, but you're saying the concept is dead? They're dead. Okay, they're dead. The era of the social justice warrior is dead. Well, something worse has now replaced it.

The science justice warrior. Oh, okay. That's the time we're living in. Because of the march. Yeah, man, the marches. It's really, I thought it would wear out of my system by this week because it happened early last week. Yeah.

Bill Nies, ridiculous ass, Netflix drop. Just 10 episodes of pure propaganda. Like a guy who is famous for wearing a bow tie is saving the world, but he's actually thinking that he's saving the world. This is, this is my, this is my problem. Is he alike to Al Gore in your mind? No, I mean, it's like, like, I was a straight, Al Gore is a straight politician. Trying to pitch this idea with fear mongering. It's honest. At least just tell me you're, yeah, you're a big fat blowhard.

This is your, this is what you do. You get power points together and you try to freak everybody out and gin up money. Yeah, you're a politician, man. Great. Bill Nye is pretending to be a scientist, and I think it actually fucking worked. Is he not a scientist? He's a scientist, isn't he? He has a, be, okay, here's,

I always wanted to know these people's credentials. I'll give you his credentials. Because I was on Facebook complaining about Bill Nye. I was tweeting about Bill Nye last week. I don't know that much about Bill Nye. I'll tell you a little bit about him. I knew who he is, but. I was tweeting about him last week.

By the way, the New York Post stole one of my tweets, Oh yeah. Put it in, yeah, the New York fucking post who I thought was cool, because they were cool all-election season. I thought they were one of the good guys. They took one of my fucking tweets about Bill Nye, put it in an article and then said credit it to a Twitter user.

Oh God. Like what the fuck? Meanwhile, everybody else's tweet in the whole article has their own little box. Like, you know how when you see tweets and news articles, it's got a little mini Twitter in it, where you can see their little picture and they look like a human being.

Mine is just a quote that says a Twitter user. Like, what the fuck a Twitter user? I got more followers than the, I got more followers than a fucking writer of the article. Even the New York Post doesn't really want to be associated with you. Yeah, like what the hell dude? So you just take my joke, put it at the top. The top of the social part of your article to sum up exactly how you feel.

And it's just a guy, a guy said, there's don't worry about who it was. Might as well have just been me. Sure. I said, Bill Nye should have rebooted his show as a way for old fans to introduce their kids to science instead of just taking a big shit in their mouths, which is what he did, right? Seems like an obvious play. Oh, your famous for teaching science to kids. Well, why don't you like reboot this for kids and adults? Well, like, if you really want to spread science, because today's kids aren't any smarter than the, than the 10-year-olds were 20 years ago. So let's just do that. No, I got a better idea. Let's just talk to the adults

as though they're still children. Yeah. Which was my point. New York fucking idea. Let's just talk to the adults as though they're still children. Yeah, which was my point. New York fucking poll, let me see, actually let me see who did it. I wanna know exactly who fucked me out of my quote. You wanna name? Yeah. Oh yeah.

How do you know they're even real? The guy? Yeah. I mean, not just like a George Soros fake. Not just like a whatever, you know, I mean, who knows? This person actually staffed, they have a record of Rural. You are close Chris Perez.

Chris Perez. Chris Perez at Yankee underscore MSU. That's the guy, that's the guy who made me a Twitter user. Yeah. A Twitter user wrote on Tuesday. At least I get the date. Yeah. Hmm.

At least I get credit for having existed on a day, whoever that random user was. Was it from Dick Masterson? Yeah, of course. The other guy's dead. The other guy was murdered by Maddox. Now there's only Dick. Okay.

Yeah, the other guy's gone. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, so I've been running my mouth about Bill Nye all week. Yeah. I go on Facebook and this guy says, well, you know, uh, Dick, these are real scientists. They know more than you do. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, wait a minute.

Let me, let me see if that's true. I go to Bill Nies, Wikipedia page, and I have a better degree than him. So I'm thinking, wait a minute, even if we, if we're just going by pure meritocracy, right? That like achievements don't matter at all in the world. We're just going by the number of $100,000 Boy Scout badges you have.

Because meritocracy is a bad thing. It's been co-opted to mean something good, but it was started as something bad, meaning that your level of success and achievement is not to be determined by the number of merits you have, by the degrees you have, by the youth coordinating action committees you've served on, by the number of homeless shelters you've served on by the number of homeless shelters

you've been to as a child these things don't matter with this is a meritocracy and it's a bad thing so stop saying it like it's a fucking compliment because merits do not equal success, right? This is what so this is what I'm saying if we're going by pure meritocracy, mine are bigger and better than Bill Nies. He's got a mechanical engineering degree from Cornell. I've got an engineering and science degree from Caltech. Yeah, better school. Better school.

How many fucking nuclear bombs was your school involved and doesn't matter? He's worked for, he worked on the business class jet degree. So the business jets, like the G6s of his day at Boeing. Okay. I worked for self piloting F14s at JPL. Yeah. Better.

Better. Nine kill people. You're keeping business, but you're keeping businessmen from experiencing too much noise. While they're traveling around selling billion dollar military industrial contracts to each other. Well, my, my problem is killing terrorists. Yeah.

No, my problem is, Neil deGrasse Tyson does this all the time when he, like he's an astrophysicist, right? Yeah. Whenever he speaks, as you pointed out, months ago on the show, whenever he speaks on something in a related field, yeah. He fucks it up 100% of the time. That's not where his knowledge lies. But he thinks he's so smart. Well, okay, you've got a, you've got a good degree. You're very well

versed in this particular sect of science, but that doesn't mean that you're a, that you're a climatologist or if I want to know how to cut down on the rattling in my luxury sports car you're the first guy I'm going to come to bill nine why does my fucking why does my car squeak every time I get into it yeah everything else sex gender everything else I don't want you anywhere near and I don't want science anywhere near because science is the opposite of humanity Everybody marching for science. You're the fucking fuel for the science machine. You do not want science You do not want this much science in your life be very fucking careful because science does not care if you go ahead No, that's true science is dr. Manhattan. There's no it's just a bunch of molecules

And the worst thing that could happen is just applying it to everything. Well, here's the thing, and I remember I'm gonna bring up something else you said when we were talking about Neil deGrasse Tyson, and you're very right, by nature, the way that it's supposed to work is science is always wrong until it's not.

Yeah, right? You go through a lot of the, it keeps getting revised. It is not supposed to have hubris in that. Once we really think we figured it out, that's what it is. And then you make laws and things based on that. And then it's you don't want to do that.

No, you don't want to do that. You don't want to do that. You don't want to do that. We don't, we did like he's got Bill and I's got one of the things that's filled. Now evidence based, I'm all about evidence and there's a lot of things that I think we have figured out, but then it's like there's things that have flown in the face of hundreds

of years of thought. But science, and all of a sudden you go, how are we wrong about that? Science is a nuclear eugenics factory on the moon. Well have to plan it, starves to death, or of dehydration. That's science. Yeah. You want to fund science? There you go. You got your nuclear eugenics lab on the moon. Oh, do you think you're gonna be a part of it?

No. Wrong idiot. Thanks for the march. Thanks for marching to put a fucking factory on the moon of perfect people while everybody on the planet fucking stards. But don't you think the marching is just so people feel like they're doing something

when it's like it's right? Cause I'm always saying like, what is this accomplishing? I think they took it from us. I think they took science from us. I think they took it from people who are actually doing it and made it something stupid. Well, okay. Yeah, that happens a lot. It's the whole science.

It's the whole, it's the whole, I fucking love science thing that happened so many years ago or whatever. It's like, same with the I love nerds. It becomes hip to like geeky or nerdy things. And it's always dumbed down and that's what Neil deGrasse Tyson does. That's what he, it's like pop shit, easily digestible. So people who don't really have the inclination to really delve into on a deep level to some of this stuff,

can kind of parrot headlines or bullet points from articles and think that they know something about string theory. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I brought, I did delve into it a little bit. I got a little, I did a little bit of deep digging. Okay. This week, because I don't think you need an engineer to tell you what's going on with

sex or global warming or climate change or any of this shit because I'm an engineer and I don't fucking know any of it. I don't know. I look at the models. Yeah. It's just a bunch of gobbledygook. Yeah. I could read it over and over again and say like, well, I got a lot of questions, but I mean, I don't know.

I'm not, I'm not going to stop taking three hour showers because of any of this shit that I'm reading. So where are we? Yeah, and I don't think a lot of people will. That's the thing. It's like, oh, it'd be great if everybody did this except for like, I can kind of justify to myself that I, you know, I'm going to still kind of live. It's just me living like this. Let everybody else. People other, they'll pick up the slack. Let me read you this, let me read you this, that's not exactly what's going on with energy

consumption in the world. Yeah. So we know if a guy in a blue lab coat in a bow tie is going to save it. This fucking guy telling me that they know more than me about it really pissed me off because it's not an engineering problem. It's not an engineer that should be looking at this. It's an economist. It stopped the second, the second that they shut down nuclear reactors, that's when it stopped being an engineering problem. And then it was well. All right. So we got what solar and windmills. That's what's gonna pull us out of it.

Let's get an economist on here. Like, this is the best you guys can do. This is it. That's it. This is the best engineering could do is, I don't know, we got wind, we got atoms, we got coal, we're making, you got a certain amount of energy that we need every day and they're all pumping poison

into the atmosphere. This is what we got. This is where I end and an economist takes it over and figures out the fucking numbers because that's what they do. So I brought in some of the numbers. Here we go.

2014. This is from 2014, I imagine it's not different now. 20% of the world's total energy is used by the United States. Uh-huh. 5% of the population. That's more than, that's as much as every one American uses two, the energy of two Japanese people, six Mexicans, 13 Chinese people, 31 Indian people, 128 Bangladesh's, 300 Tanzanians, 370 Ethiopians. One, me and you, together in this room, 1000 Ethiopians.

So exactly how do we save the world with a bunch of solar powered calculators? It's like coming to a party, coming to a party with a hundred, there's a hundred beers and the whole world is there, right? One of you, representatively, right? Like one, there's one guy from America. It's me. There's 20 beers at the party and I say, I'm taking 20 of these beers.

Yeah. Now what? Well, there's a 370 Ethiopian guys who would also like some beer. Oh tough shit What do you want we you only give them one of these because I'm not gonna do it. I'm going to die with these With this five pack with this six pack of beer and there's nothing you know, it's gonna happen at that party Those guys are gonna want to bring in beers. So what we got to stop them from bringing in beers That's not the way it works if the if the number of people in if the number of China are going to want to bring in beers. So what? We got to stop them from bringing in beers.

That's not the way it works. If the, if the number of people in, if the number China, four times population in the US, India, four times or five times, I don't know, one of the, if they started using energy as much as we did, this is a 10 fold increase in the amount of whatever warming we're causing. Meanwhile, China's got swatts of windmills doing fucking nothing in the north of China, because they can't afford the power lines to connect them. Good fucking job. But let's not flush our toilets too much. Thank you, thank you for, thank you for settling the science.

You got it, Bill Nye. Your part is done. Now how about somebody whose experience is relevant in a field of deciding which human lives get delivered die way in on this? Because that's what we're looking for. An economist, not a guy who explains elevators to kids, not a guy who's making luxury class airliners more comfortable for the top of the one percent. Try to be an astronaut four times. You failed every time. Bill Neymt. That's the guy. Yeah, I'm always, you know, it's funny because you hear, oh, he's a scientist. And then nobody really asks the follow up question. Like what is he in, what is he in the office field? Yes, what is it right?

Because the second he appeared, oh, okay, you want to know his real history? Yeah, so I'm just, I'm saying in general. He started working at Boeing, but then he would do stand-up comedy at night, immediately quit Boeing to go work on some sketch TV program where his big character was a crime fighter who would not deviate from speed walking.

Uh-huh. This is a scientist. Okay. This is a scientific portrayal. This is a spokesman of fucking science, Sean. A guy whose ambition was to be a speed walker on television. It's because real scientists aren't... They don't have the personalities.

They don't, he's an entertainer. You know what? Real scientists don't fucking care what you think the personalities. They don't, he's an entertainer. You know what? Real scientists don't fucking care what you think. They only care about what each other thinks. In their field. And they fucking should. Because it's not a team sport.

No. They don't need support. They don't need awareness. It's the one thing that doesn't need awareness. Cause it's gonna go, it's gonna keep going, whether you're aware of it or not. They're gonna sit there in their lab, throwing people at the wall until the wall breaks. Because that's why there's ethics in science.

Because without it, there would be absolutely none. They would just do whatever they wanted to solve the mystery, to figure out what, like, well, I mean, let's just throw some people out into space and see what happens. The Russians did. Mariko, we gotta use monkeys. Might take us a little longer.

I think we could do that now. Throw monkeys into space. No. So who's the anti-science? Yeah. All these fucking assholes marching, well, four science, are you guys sure? Are you sure you want us to do some science?

As we could, the goal sum of the regulators off off and do it for real? That's a good point. I know it's the it is start experimenting on more prisoners. It's what you like that People does that make you comfortable? Yeah, I know as I how much science do you want how much do you want? I don't think you want they throw in the the sex and the gender thing like I don't think you want to have science way in on this Like we all we're all okay with just letting it be. You don't need to involve science, because you might get an answer that you don't like.

Yeah. But we gotta get more girls coding. That's what science needs. Scientifically, girls need to be playing with Legos. Yeah. That's science to these jackasses, and Bill Nye is right at the front of it. Yeah.

So, Bill Nye is on the shit list now too. Well, you know, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Bill Nye. He's going around, he did that thing where he's debating creationists, where he debated our creationists, Ken Ham. I would like to debate him on creationism. Yeah. Yeah, I believe in God now. And I would like, because he gets this idiot

up on a podium and then just brutally attacks him. Like the guy's defending something that's indefensibly stupid and Bill Nies making a big show about debating and creationists. I'd like to debate him. I believe in God now that God is an 11th-dimensional hyperconsciousness that spawned the universe because every level of complexity that we get that determines decisions, we link inherently to consciousness. That's why we have a hierarchy of ufs, monkeys, dolphins, cats, dogs, and cephalopods all the way down to bacteria. And we have a, we assign a little bit less rights to each of them. So as we go up the chain, surely there must be, surely the entire universe of complexity

must represent a consciousness of some point. That's the first law of thermodynamics. You can't just create something out of nothing. There must have been something before it. Therefore, there's more proof of there being a God than there is in you smug fuck. Let's have that debate. I don't, I don't ever see the point in that.

You're just debating somebody's faith. You're just showing off. Yeah. 10% of the world's energy comes from preferred fuels. Okay. Solar, wind, hydroelectric. That's what we want. And hydroelectric is bad, bad, bad, bad,

making a bunch of dams that wipe out entire regions. Like China, you've heard of China's dams. This is going to supply us with 10% of our power. We just need to wipe out the homes of 50 million people. And then we're gonna build and it's oops, it only supplied 2% of our power, right? This is what it, this is the preferred one, because it's not called 10%.

It goes up approximately 1% every 10 years. It will take 1000 years to replace fossil fuels. And I'm the idiot. I see the fucking graph. Let's see that one. Instead of congratulating each other about how many goddamn windmills we can build. When will when when let's get the economists out when when is this gonna work a thousand years start over Start the fuck over a thousand years ago. We were shitting in a hole So let's do that Everybody that's that's the fix you want to save the world everyone in America shit in a hole

Rub flowers carry around a giant bouquet of flowers because of your stench, because we can no longer have anything nice. World saved. Otherwise, what? Everybody else in the world has the right to industrialize at all. Well, and that's just living in shit for the rest of time until Elon Musk takes everybody to Mars

and then gives the rest of the people on Earth who earn his riches that asshole a big fucking middle finger Because none of us are going so always crack me up with especially with India, which is rapidly industrializing and that's all of a sudden It's like we got to get these people under control and it's yeah, you know us telling oh, how are we gonna do that? Oh, so they're not blowing them up. They're not allowed to have coal They're not allowed to have any power. They're just supposed to shit in a river Yeah, the same one that they bathed in for the rest of fucking time, because Bill and I says so, deny that one.

How exactly does it work? How many fucking, if we're able to add 1% every 10 years, how exactly do we stop them from, how do we stop them from offsetting everything we've fucking done overnight. He's the dumbest thing in the fucking world and they call it science. Really upset. It's that one guy who said, oh, you don't know what you're talking about because these are the top men. Yeah.

I mean, it's a top. These guys don't know what the fuck they're talking about because I don't know what any of it is. I have a same, I have a more recent degree than them, and I will tell you straight up, I don't fucking know, because there aren't any money to make on it either way. Yeah, well, you're not gonna get the people

who know necessarily commenting publicly. What do you mean? Well, I mean, the people who know, like the people who actually study this, who have the credentials to do it, like you said, they only care what each other thinks, they don't care what the public thinks, And it's just, I guess the scientific journals are available. Yeah. Right. I mean, that's, you know, it's my understanding that the

people who know there is an overwhelming consensus among them, but you're not hearing, you're not hearing them talk about that. The kids, what is, hey, what do you think of this other research, the guys doing, yeah, I love it. It's great. Well, you know, I mean, that's a fucking concern. I don't understand that consensus shit either. Like, what does it, okay. Okay.

That's a cynical view of peer review. What's a cynical view of, there's no, I don't care how many scientists agree, you're not stopping India and China from building whatever the fuck they want. Well, that's a given. You couldn't even stop one man in a cave from building a the fuck they want. Well, that's a given. You couldn't even stop one man in a cave from building a nuclear weapon.

You're gonna stop two billion people from consuming as much energy as you yourself do. I think they're fucking locked. I think their point might be that it's like, it's the scientists who are studying, they're studying, they're saying, this is what we found, not here's how to fix it. I guess, but it seems like they're turning it into here's how to fix it.

Well, by the people hijacking it. Yeah, like Bill Knott. Yeah. The assholes who want to be famous. That was my point. All Jack Everett did was want to attention and want to be famous. He gave up his Ryan and track record. Yeah.

As soon as he quit Boeing to be and a sketch comedy TV. He kind of lost credibility right there. That's when he stopped being a fucking scientist. At least Beakman isn't on TV every day, telling us, telling us to consult, pretending like he's a fucking doctor. At least House is just, is playing jazz, like an entertainer.

He's not on TV every day, telling you how to fix your cancer. Yeah. Thanks, Dr. House. You know, absolutely fucking nothing about metta, thanks for being a good guy and not pretending you're something that you're not. Yeah, but Bill and I did stay at a holiday

and express last night. Yeah, so he's got it all figured out. That's interesting. I didn't know very much about him, what his background. I go, oh, he's a scientist of some sort. I never was, I never was very curious about him. Business jets. Yeah. Business jets. Mm-hmm. Having a rough ride, blame it on Bill Nye over here. He was the one in charge of making sure your dick got sucked while you were flying from, while you were flying in

your G6 over the middle of America. That was his job. He had the, he had the, the, the ball cradling cushion. That was his job was to make sure that the cushion in your jet, cradled your balls properly, ultimate class and comfort of a business liner jet. Yes. Nothing about, fucking Dolph Lundgren has more,

I know, he's an angel, it's in Bill Nye. MIT grad, isn't he? Mm-hmm. I think he's an MIT grad. Yeah. How about that? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's always fun to keep up with people. I always try to find out that, you know, he's like a legitimate IQ level genius. Yeah. That's like, he doesn't act like a... He doesn't weigh in on it. No. Because he's got that rock and

bod man, because he he lifts. If Bill Nye just lifted more, maybe he could get some topless picks out there on Instagram and get all the fucking attention that he wants. But instead, he's got to go on TV and distract everybody with this guy is fucking, yeah, the sky's fucking falling, but it's not our fault. What are we gonna hold up one part of it? The whole thing's coming down. That's, yeah, the point you make about the rest of the world industrializing, I've always seen it that way where it's like, what, they're not allowed to go through

like a societal evolution or an industrial revolution. Or like a not living in shit huts. Yeah, I mean, we're not, we're already not giving them stuff. So much of the world lives in squalor. And it's like you get some guys who are actually happen to get educated in another country and they say, hey, like I know how to do some of this stuff now. And it's like, let's build a coal plant.

I did that. Oh, let's keep it. Don't be a denier. Don't be a denier. Yeah, makes me fucking sick. And he's going, he's posing. The whole thing is theier. Yeah, makes me fucking sick and he's going, is he posing like a fucking son? The whole thing, the morality. Yeah, it's the whole morality of it all.

They took it, science, the era, it's the, the era of the science, justice warrior. Yeah. No longer means, no longer means what we think it means. Science. Now it's just how you feel and they call it science. Yeah, he doesn't need to be there. Depressing.

It is, it is very depressing. Depressing. All right, I've ranted enough about, you know what else speaks to me? I like that one though, I like that rant. I actually learned something in that. Did you, what did you learn? About Bill Nye. That he's like every Hollywood, like he's,

it's basically like an Instagram model telling you, it's like an Instagram model who's read a couple books by Stephen Hawking telling you about how to live. Yeah, it's just a fuck you. But see, the real stuff, like going to read the published works and stuff, like it's not sexy. Like we wanna be spoon fed as a society of that. Like, oh, this is, oh, here's a guy who,

since he has, like you say, he has a merit badge. Yeah. You know, we're not that particular on which merit badge he has. All I know is that he has a merit badge of being on TV. And I don't have, yeah, and that's the biggest merit badge. Yeah. You know, we're not that particular on which merit badge he has. All I know is that he has one merit badge of being on TV. And I don't have, yeah, and that's the biggest merit badge of all because they must know what they're talking about if they're on TV or the radio or they get to write for a living. And yeah, so we just, we sort of just defer, we sort of just don't question, I think. It's, it's just that little bit of leg work,

like you were talking about, it's like, oh, what is his degree? What is, does he have any type of, does he have any type of degree related to this and does he have any type of actual working experience related to this as well? And like the answer doesn't really seem to be yes. Well, here's the truth that people,

that all the people marching for science don't want to face. You can't understand it. It's too fucking big. You think you can, you could spend your whole life trying to understand it, but there's a good chance, there's a good chance the 10, the 10 gallon bucket is not going to fit into five gallon brain. You understand what I'm saying? Like maybe there's a guy out there who can understand the whole thing all at once who's been working on it his whole life

and ain't fucking you. You're just listening to what people told you and getting pissed off. And that's the thing, everybody's a headline skimmer. And yeah, talk about everybody's going off half-cocked. I want, I would like them to at least face the possibility that they cannot understand it. At least you have to be-

Bathroom that that is out there. Yes. That there might be something you come across one day where you have to throw your hands up and go, you know what? It's just too complicated for me. I don't get it. I don't know.

Yeah. I don't get it. I'm just gonna bow out of this one. Yeah. You always have to have that in the back of your mind. That's hard too, because people dig their heels in. Yeah. 100 beers. 100 beers at the Earth Party.

I'm taking six. You're not giving a single one up. I'm not even, yeah. Maybe this is the way it works now. I got my six beers. Once I finish all of them, maybe India and China can have the little bit left over the foam and the spit at the bottom of the bottle.

Give that you can share that. But all of this is mine. Good fucking luck. So how do you split this up anyway? How do you split up six beers among 300 people? 370 people. You can't. It doesn't split.

You got to make more beer. Yeah. Anyway, you know what else makes me rage this week? You have more. Yeah, when you. Anyway, you know what else makes me rage this week? You have more. Yeah, when you drink, when you're drinking ice water, and you drink, you try to get the last bit of the ice water and all the ice. Oh, I fucking hate that so much.

Oh, I'm ferocing. Yeah. And the water that you wanted to get, the ice hits you and the teeth and the water goes all over your shirt. It's all over your fucking shirt. That's such I hate it so much. And you gotta wear it like a badge of shame

in the rest of the day. It depends on what kind of minerals I think are in the ice and the temperature to stick together. And make them stick together. Is this more science? You better fucking watch it, Sean. I'm anti-science.

You know, I'm a full on creationist now. I'll debate any atheist. I believe 100% in God right now. And I'll debate anyone any time about the existence of God. Any smart atheist would never even take that bait. They'd never take the bait. There's no point. It's the minerals in the ice that stick them together. I'll go with that.

You got to wear the... For some reason they stick together, sometimes they do sometimes they don't, but when they stick together for whatever reason, it all comes out as that chunk, moving all the water along with it, you get the ice right in the teeth, you get the water all over the fucking place, and I fucking hate it. It makes your... Damage, my word. Dry differently. Like, even when it dries, it's still...

It's the touch of that shirt that is dry now of your shame. You can still feel it on you. You got to start over. Is that just me? Do I have like hypersensitive skin that wants to be sure? I haven't noticed that. Once a shirt dries, the properties of the shirt are slightly different. Like it's a little stiffer in one of those.

Like if you have a shirt in the washer and you take it out and you fuck up because you got drunk and you forgot to put it in the dryer, it dries like all stiff and crappy, you know? Yeah. When you put it in the dryer, it comes out nice and soft and you're goff into it. And it dries outside of the washer. It's all brown. You onto your, you got to start over.

Go ahead. Think so, sure, it's me. They're very soft. You go off in these several times before washing them. That's what you're wearing for the rest of the day, that shame that you got to start over. Cause then you put on a new shirt, but then your skin is still wet.

You got to start completely over. You got to go back to bed. Go back, start over, have some quick sausage, so you can do a morning shit, get in the shower, wash the mistakes off of you, start all over at the time. Which would also be like, if you're in the shower and then you have to take a shit, you might as well just fucking do the day over again. Go back to that.

Yeah, go back. You've lost your loser that day. I got some stuff. Everything is wrong. Your timing is awful. I got some stuff for us today. Dust and send in something. Dust and send in something really good. Yeah. Yeah. He did a proof. No, not ready to prove. People are some people are annoyed that he was able to videotape the show and he still hasn't pitched any bids unread it. I don't think they're wrong. What do you mean annoyed that what he was,

that he was allowed to, yeah. Yeah, I think somebody's gonna call in later and complain about it. I didn't know that was even going on that we were taping it. That was the last minute thing. Consuelo sent in a podcast. He did.

Yeah, for Cinco, for Cinco to my own. Oh, or Consuelo's nephew, I guess. Yeah, okay. Okay, here you go. All right. Hey, welcome again, Mochacos to the Consuelo's podcast. The only show which is literally

by together by SipTice. The only show which is literally by together by Siptice. The only show which is not in danger of being sued by any Middle Eastern ethnicities and your host Ricardo Martinez. I'm pretty excited, amigos, for this special edition of the Consuelos podcast, because as you may know, Cinco de Mayo is coming! Yeah. Ah, that time of year, where we don't even know whether we're celebrating. Or why the gringos decided to celebrate this day for us.

I believe that a long time ago, all the Mexican army, but cherished small French recon patrol, and we tried to make it as if it was a big fucking deal. Even though we'd later lost war. But hey, who the fuck cares? That's a spell, not a- Yeah, that's better with your family. That's true But hey, who the fuck on. I'm just kidding. Habernos on 5 de mayo, amigos. Yusas Ombreo, Itacos, Habern Protected Sex, and BS is typical as you can, and go fuck yourselves.

Here you go, special Cinco de Mayo with the sort of the Consuelo show. I miss that guy. Me too. Let me see what else I got here. Somebody's been making memes of me, Chris Griffith. So Peach posted this picture of me looking like a jackass on her Instagram or her Twitter account.

I think I look pretty fucking cool. What do you look like? The general consensus was that I look like a jackass. Here I'll show you. Taken out of context too. I thought this would be a private picture. Like I thought I was proposing for a private picture among friends.

You don't know better by now? No, I thought this was a private, I thought this was a private space where I could talk about, I could let my guard down a little bit and not be afraid of saying something, not being afraid of saying something wrong. Like I am all the time every day, all day, every day.

That tonight is screeching in the back of my head, saying please don't say something wrong, please don't say something wrong all the fucking time. I thought I was in a comfortable atmosphere, a safe space, Sean, where I could let my guard down a little bit, but this is what gets posted on the internet. See if you can see that.

That's from camping. Oh, that was a recent pick? Yeah, that was from our camping trip that I was talking about a week or two weeks ago. Yeah, somebody showed me that. Yeah, well, they're turning it into a bunch of goddamn memes. You guys know the one, drugs aren't cool. Here's another one. Drugs aren't cool. It's me.

It's me with a yellow tank top and adequately sized shorts, sideways hat. Some of my class is talking about drugs aren't cool, except for the cool ones. Let's see, here's a shot of me with the cast of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. It's a pretty good one. Fit right in there.

That's pretty good. Here's one. I don't know who these guys are. Can't really see that. Was it the Backstreet Boys? It looks like a boy band. Yeah, it looks like a fucking boy band. So here's a good one.

Me talking to some computer girl with a sword. Hey girl, you like dragons? Cause I'm gonna be dragon my nuts. I'm gonna be dragging my dick on your forehead so you can see these nuts. How to get both of them in there on that one. Dragon my, you like dragons? So have you ever meet a woman who's into dragons?

That's a good line. Yeah. You're into dragons and we dragon, yeah, on your forehead. So you can see these nuts. Let's see Leccembra sent in a song Leccembra sent in a 2.5 million downloads song And I put down 2.5

2.5 No two point five and I would download to point five million Is anybody else do this? Now just to the pro players. Should have somebody else to the pro-claimers song. So what? For something else? Was it? Was it on this show? Yes.

Hi, he's ripping him off then. I don't even want to hear it anymore anymore if we've already been down this road before I don't check the livestream somebody Upplay Public library Your job is your ballport on machines that they have there is Download this show We want to ramp the download

I think it was about the downloads too It was so sure you just didn't already hear this song? Downloads all day every day all around the world about the downloads too. It was really awesome. I'm so sure you just didn't already hear this song? The song downloads all day, every day, all around the world. The most beautiful. The magic word of the day is download. I don't know anymore. I'm 0.5 million downloads.

Millions. Millions. Downloads. No, because somebody else showed it to me. I don't know, man. Alright, let me get, uh, let me get these guys You better start believing in 2.5 million down Because you are in it we're going in a thousand tens of thousands of miles an hour

Alright, alright, thank you, we can't go I don't know We over stop 2 million by a week and a half 2.5 million You know what I got that I forgot to get you to last week I think we over shot two million by a week and a half two point five You know what I got that I forgot to get you last two else you think so maybe sent it to you privately No, he wanted us he wanted a Sean he wanted a Sean approval. I don't think so on before is anybody sent you any Yeah, he songs. Huh? What do you do? I listen to the three-page email and what I listen to them. I listen to them.

I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them.

I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them.

I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to them. I listen to of what makes them a rage. Yeah. And Christian Langdon helped with that a lot. Yes. We met that guy at the meet up the night before. You weren't there for that. No, he's from Dallas.

Dallas, yeah. He helped a lot with getting this together. Yeah. He had to get up, a bucket, put it on a table, and then write what makes you a rage and put that in front of it. So, really, tremendous amount. You know what?

Actually, you know what makes me rage this week from last week? It's the Captain Hindsight guys, because I was making such a big deal about the t-shirts on this show and selling them in Philly. I had everybody I know personally asked me like the people who are the guys I know who are always

gunning to throw me a stump ball. Yeah. You know what I mean? My dad, stump ball thrower number one. Yes. Who thinks he's fucking Hideo Nomo of stump balls, Nolan Ryan of stump balls, who is just sitting there 300 yards away, like that guy from who is the guy in American sniper? Chris, what was his name? Kyle.

Chris Gooch. Kyle, I think Chris Kyle is the real guy. Chris Kyle was his name? The real guy? Yeah, the real guy. Pretty sure. That really killed all those guys. Chris Kyle, I'm almost sure.

The guy that Chris Cooper played. Bradley Cooper played. Bradley Cooper played Chris Kyle. Bradley Cooper played Chris Kyle. Yeah. The American sniper. Yes. That's my dad, but with stump bullets, a stumper, a stump sniper, he will sit on his

hill in Fallujah and I will be just wandering through town, trying to put on a live show and balancing dust and being laid and not having a driver's license and balancing the girls wanting to go see things like experience the city a little bit and being way too hung over because I didn't want to get that drunk and trying to balance all these plates wandering through the fallujah of life and then there's my father Chris the stumper the stumpsniper sitting a thousand yards away with his stump rifle who will wait for the perfect moment and then breathe

out and pull the trigger on the stumpiest stump snipe in history. I we get back and he goes, hey, how that t-shirt sales workout for you and Philios. It was great. One mistake though, they didn't have credit card processing at the event. So a lot of people said that they couldn't get shirts because nobody carries cash anymore. But it's okay, I put them on the website, and we'll see. It was great though, and he goes,

and then he says, he says, we know, you could just go to Best Buy and get a little stripe reader, can't you? He does the can't you thing? I don't know. He does, I know. Yeah, I'm just a good old Mexican country boy with my stump sniper rifle.

Can't you? Isn't that a thing that you could do? And I'm like, look, man, look, do not fuck, I'm tired today. I'm hungover. Don't fucking talk to me about what I could have done. Yeah. To get credit, I know.

I know exactly what I could have done. Don't fucking talk to me about it. And I can see him just sitting in the window, watching me with shirtless, with his suspenders hanging around his pants with his stump rifle, doing whatever this exercise is, lumbar twister. That's what you do with your- You put that on your shoulders when you're walking

through a river and you don't want to get it wet. Yeah, I think that's the look. And I could see him looking at me all dinner, just know I'm like, I fucking know exactly what you want to say. You want to ask again. You want to ask a third time if I could have just done something so simple as go to Best Buy and get a Stripe Reader. And you read that you can do that.

I know you both know that you're right. Stop fucking, don't even look at me with that look away. Yeah. Look away from me. You're what do you want? What do you want from me? I feel like I just want to shake them. Like, what do you want me with that look away. Yeah. Look away from me. What do you want? What do you want from me? I feel like I just want to shake him.

Like, what do you want me to say? You're right, you're right. I'm sorry. I fucked up. So I go through that and then I hang out with coach two nights later. Same fucking thing I wanted to blow my goddamn stack with these guys who just cannot help themselves. He's laughing up a storm

I mean well you could just go to best and like coach. I swear to Christ. I know I know You're not you're just putting on this performance for yourself. Yeah, I don't know what you get out of it Shut the fuck up though. I'm sick of hearing about it captain hindsight captain hindsight I didn't have the fucking bothering me. Yeah Anyway, we got all these cards. Oh, look at that. What makes people a rage, right? It's a big fistful of rage I got here.

No doubt. Maybe 200 cards. I scanned them all, put them up on the site, so you can see what makes people a rage. They son their names. They must, right, cause they could have been called up. Some of them did, some of them only signed their names. Oh, that's okay.

And I don't know if they're talking about someone or if they just wanted to get their name there and then forgot to write the rest. We did have 10 people kicked out. We set the record for, we said, multiple records at the show. At the show. The only podcast to have people kicked out of a show.

Okay. The most with 10. Yeah. So good luck last podcast on the show. Okay. Uh, the most with 10. Yeah. So good luck. Last podcast on the left. Yeah. See how many people you get kicked out of your live show. So you got 10, 10 people. And the biggest bar tab from any podcast by far. Oh, that's awesome. Quote by far. Yeah, they kept it open until like 1230. That's why that's why the staff looked so fucking pissed off when we were leaving. They had to listen, they had to listen to the show. Yeah.

And people chanting with sand, build the wall. Yeah. And, and they had to work way late. Here's one. Headlights are too bright. I like somebody dropped in. Okay.

Yeah. Blinding you, man. Sometimes they are. It's like, how much do you need to see? How much do you really need? Every time I see a commercial for Zinnon, this is by Chells. Oh, I think this is by Chells. The official trap, is that what Dustin called her? I guess so. She was real nice at the event. She was. She was crying like a chick at the end.

So, I mean, that's a good test. Sure. If you're of the whole gender thing, right? Crying like a chick. Okay. I'm okay. Right. I'm doing it then.

Then I guess you're a chick. If you're crying like a chick, I guess you're, that makes you a chick. As far as I'm concerned, I only know one man who cries like that, Maddox. I don't know. I'm not a scientist like Bill Nye.

Sean, I don't know. Gender is a spectrum. That's what he says. Mm. It's a little limiting, I think. I thought sexuality was a spectrum. Yeah, sexuality. It's, I think it's more, it can be a wave or a particle.

And it changes when you measure it. That's much more inclusive. Bill Nye is the trap. No, no, he is, he is, he is. Headlights are too bright. Every time I see one of those xenon bulb commercials, I think like you're really doing a disservice to everyone. Man, like, why do you need, how much do you need to see?

How much do you need to see when you're driving at night? Do you need, if you need it to be daylight when you're driving around, you're already in a two-ton truck that weighs as much as a whale that fills up the entire lane. that weighs as much as a whale that fills up the entire lane. We've already making the lanes wider for you and you need it to be daylight. You need there to be a nuclear explosion happening at all times while you're driving around. That's how much fucking light you need to drive. Maybe you should just stay home. If you need it to be that bright, just stay the fuck home.

Come out during the daylight. You're like a reverse vampire. Just take those xenon bulbs and shove them right up your ass. And then they can they can light up when you think you're when you walk to the bathroom, do you have a belt that has a big fucking flat that has like a five, 50,000 lumens flashlight on it just so you can see where you're going. Yeah. You're making every you're going. You're making it harder for everybody else, man. As soon you crest that hill with those xenon bulbs blinding me right in my eyes.

Here's one from John, women not being have to provide pens. This is why our bar tab was so high. Reactionary lane changes from, yeah, I don't know, Sean really pulled his weight. Talk about using, you know, like the majority of the planets, energy, he's like the American in the room. Yeah, this guy, you say this guy is, he's 20% of the world's booze. Sean's using 370 times.

Yeah. What an Ethiopian's using and he used it to say, women not being here to provide pens, pants. Read it one more time. Women not being, and I'm being creative with being, I don't know what that means. Here to provide pens. You tell me here, what does it read to you?

I think I know what it means. Women not being here to provide pens. Yes, he probably had a heart because women have purses and they almost always have a pen in their purse. Oh, and so he needed a pen. He needed a pen. He probably had to wait for five minutes or ask, I just anybody have a pen. Is that okay? I think that's what's going on. All right. All right. Well, we figured it out. I think we figured it out. Yeah. All right. John, yeah, he's a little... That is, man. If I need a fucking pen, and I'm with a girl who's got her purse, the fatties girls got her purse, if there's no pen in that purse, I grab that purse and I throw it onto the freeway

because it's worthless. Because, and I have had to deal with it for months. Hold my purse, I'm doing this thing, I can't go on this thing because I got a purse. Should I bring a purse out or not? Do I need my fucking purse here today? I don't care. Probably not, just put your credit, push, put your driver's license in your pocket.

That's the answer that should always be said by, I hate it when I get asked if I need something. Do you think I need, should I bring? I don't care. I don't know how resourceful you are. I don't care. I don't care how resourceful you are I don't care. I don't care if you think you might bring it My opinion should mean nothing to you should be nothing Can you imagine a scenario where you might need it in that case bring it bring it bring it?

But if I ask for a pen and I've been helping schlep this fucking purse around for months and there's no pen in there. That's it. I'm driving straight into traffic. That's Z Zardov said that apostrophes this guy. No name at all, just the giant apostrophes. That is, he should have just put in an apostrophe. We'll start out.

I don't think there is any actual rule on apostrophe. 80s, I don't know if it's a posture fee, and I get stumped on an email every time, every time I look it up on the Google, do I need an apostrophe for this? Every time I feel like an asshole putting it on me. There's exceptions to the apostrophe rules. Like apostrophes can denote possession, right? And also missing if you're going to leave some like,

you know, contractions and things like that. You know, we are like that. We're just put it on everything. It's fun. It's fun to use a posture fist. Yeah. So put it on, put it on everything and everybody just shut the fuck up. Have we like using apostrophes?

What's a big deal? Put it on everything. There's multiple shans, apostrophes. It's Dick's house. It's the's multiple shons, apostrophe S. It's Dick's house. It's the Dick's live here, apostrophe S. A lot of people mess up whether it goes before or after the S sometimes depending on how you're using it.

There's no way to mess up. But that's, all right. We're using smiley faces. That's the pro numbers to communicate. That's fine. And it's fine, embrace it, it's fine. The problem with English is that there are exceptions to exceptions to every rule. So it's such a mess. It's fine and it's fine embrace it. It's fine. The problem with English is that there are exceptions to exceptions to every rule So it's it's such a mess. It's big English. They want you it's strung

Stringing and waggles. They want you to thumb out. They want you to shell out the money every year for an updated guide to style Yeah, they get you hooked on phonics and then that's it. All right, let me play, I don't know if I actually, I think I'm gonna play Dustin's thing now. Soon you're sucking dick for reading books. For a colon. Oh, Jesus. So I couldn't quite finish that one. That was, I need some help. Okay, you can fix it in editing.

Okay, do you wanna see Dustin's thing? Uh, yeah. What do you think is for Dustin's first thing? For Cinco de Mayo, Dustin went to the Trump first 100 days rally. Uh, and he asked people the same kind of jackass questions that he asked at the last one. Yeah. You remember that one?

I do. That was pretty like like, like, all around Hawaii. And yeah, all around Hawaii. Trump's none of Trump's golf courses have the pianos don't have any black keys on them here. They're removed. Okay. What do you think about that? Right. What do you think about Trump taking a nude modeling photography of his daughter?

Yeah. European magazine. Do you think, what do you think about that? Yeah. Stuff like that. So he did it again. Let me pull it up. I mean, I know he's on hiatus and all, but that's pretty fucking funny.

All right. So here's Dustin, Cinco de Mayo themed first 100 days of Trump rally. Hi. Dustin, stand up here in a dick show, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The guy can edit. Hey, it's Chief Dickhead from the Dixho reporting live from the PA Farm Show Complex. President Trump's going to be showing up in just a little bit and we got some hard-hitting questions to ask these folks. Can you name the current president of Mexico? Right? Senior president. Senior president.

I'm sorry sir, that's incorrect. His name is actually El Chapo. So. That's true. If I were to personally deport as many legal... There's a siren happening and an old man running by in the background. Like he's got to take the biggest shit of his life. Perfectly normal.

Here we go. I'll back that up a little bit. Deport as many legal immigrants. Oh. Uh. This is possible. Here we go, I'll back that up a little bit. D-port as many legal immigrants- BOOM! Uh. This is possible. Do you think my wife would get back with me? Illegal immigrants under President Obama have basically thrived.

If you compare the illegal immigrants now as to when they were underbushed, they've gained 50 pounds. Really, Mr. Trump. How big does that wall need to be? I think what we really don't look at is why are so many people in such dire straits? Did I pee my phone bill? What? Shit.

I wonder if Cernrich is here. No. These guys can use some black food. This is not the Dustin Comedy Hour. This is... This is God damn it. He's asking you to use some black. This is not the Dustin Comedy Hour. He's got this. This is. God dammit. He's got, he's asking you to women.

This is a dry run. Is it? You have never seen this, have you? No, it's, I love it. You've never seen this too, because I believe you. Sean, it's ask people the silly questions and get their even stupider responses, right? Look at the, look at the women he's asking you,

but if eight is good, 10 is so much better. God, dammit. This is like, I can't, I can't help you, Dustin. He's got, he's asking two women or a man and a woman who look, those Virgin Mary's on their, what's going on? They look like, they look like wizards wearing Virgin Mary shirts. One is carrying a staff. They look like they are both the leaders of a cult and it's only members. They look like they drank the Kool-Aid and it made them stupid and then they showed up. This is the perfect, this is the absolute perfect target for this bit, right?

Yeah. And then when they're about to give their life philosophy, we get, did I pay my phone bill? I'm gonna play it again. Are so many people in such dice free? Did I pay my phone bill? Shit. I wonder if Cernrich is here. These guys can use some black pills.

Shut the fuck up, don't you? You're an actual professional Canadian talking here. I can't believe Asterios considers himself a professional comedian. Oh, boy. Like, this high? I think that what we should do is think about countries. What if we had an express visa program for specialized skilled

offense jumpers to get on team USA for the next summer Olympics would you be okay with that that would be excellent yeah good so you do support that why does it get their citizenship but they got to jump the wall yeah you can't crawl around it I hope I hope that wall is strong and high and it takes that kind of skill to get over. Awesome. We're in a fun time here. I haven't seen any more shit yet. This is the call people. Here's the Colpy film Yeah, it's all that smoking Your vice president Mike Pence made controversial marks the guy dressed as Trump right now. Rivals, Marty Grah, as the gayest of all holidays.

Is that shocking? First of all, you said Mike Pence. You said your vice president Mike Pence, now he's your vice president. Fair enough? Fair enough, isn't it Mike Pence? Number one. Number two, you said that he said that

sick of the mile, rivals, Marty Grah is the gayest of all holidays. Well, first of all, I don't know, I would say it's the most Mexican of all holidays. And if Mexico people were all gay then I guess yes that would make sense. Why the hell is it so damn hard to find a delicious taco bowl and that fine Spanish booty? If I was elected to make America great and stuff and things and everything again, why is it so damn hard to find a Taco Bell? Probably because you're not going to Trump Tower where we serve the greatest Taco Bell. How good are they? They're so good. They're so unbelievably good. It'll bring you back to high school when they would have Taco salad. Thank you Dustin. You're an incredible guy and thank you to

the Dixia. Yeah. Okay. whoa, my God, that was loud. God damn it. All right, I'm gonna post that on the site and everyone can give their reactions to it. Thank you, Dustin. That fucking guy. Like, he did the whole thing to take a shot of the stereos. That's a lot of work too

Okay, let me see if um let me see if Mad Cux and Uncle Buck are here. Ah Hey Uncle Buck are you there? Yeah, give me just a second man. All right, sure We're having a lunch at Cracker Barrel. Oh The Cracker Barrel Yeah, is Mad Cucks here? It's Apper Pope. I don't know if he's going to be able to make it on, man.

He said something I haven't theater. Okay. Having a theater? He's on the theater? I'm excited we're actually rage a little bit. All right. Sorry for all the dead air. That's all right.

Let me pretend I don't even think about that on our show. I don't know. What'd you eat? Oh, well, it's not gotten there yet. We pretend we don't even think about that on our show. What'd you eat? Oh, well, it's not gotten there yet. So I've just had a bunch of fucking biscuits and cornbread. So there's my carbs for the day. Colin Madcax, if you're around,

he's in a range. Yeah, he says, he's going to start your car. Yeah, he's going to, we're going to have another suicide attempt on. Oh, God. Yeah, I'm just going to start your car. Yeah, he's gonna, we're gonna have another suicide attempt on. Oh god. Yeah, I'm just gonna run a hose. The way things have been going, I'm just gonna run a hose into the car on the parking lot of Cracker Bale here.

Well, let me know. The last meal. You know what I call a, about Dustin? Let me know if it works. You see, you know the bit, right? It's the interview bit. We've seen it a hundred times and you never see like an interlude where there's like additional comedy put into your comedy. Like we know

you like comedy, so we put some comedy in your comedy so you could enjoy comedy while you're enjoying comedy. Yes, you never see that. But until now. Yeah. That's a reason you never see it. All right. What's going on over there? Uncle Buck, I think you might be too noisy for us today. No, that's me. That's me. Oh, God. I'm here today. I'm calling in for my Stephanie orchestra. I'm just hanging out in the middle of a bunch of musicians. All right. So you guys wanted to call in and say and promote your show. We've had on the CNX Tuesday network, we've had some losses of podcasts this early in our network, which is to be expected.

You know, this is a, the CNX Tuesday network is new. We try a lot of new experimental things, for instance, fight night, where Maxwell Kimball and David Clegg talked about the issues they debated the issues of our day. That podcast is now defunct because according to David Clegg, Maxwell is just too difficult to work with. So then Clegg went on to another podcast with Steven, but I hear that that podcast is also defunct. So apparently the, the, the, the, the, the, the uncle buck and Joel,

uh, Chaco show, the, here's what I don't get. Okay. What, what, what is the real name? Yeah. I don't know this person is you're talking about. What is the, what is the name that he wants us to use? Because every time I use one of that guy's alias, as he gets pissed off about it, which name is the one he goes with. Joel Chaco. Okay. Joel Chaco. So apparently that podcast was going to funk this well, but now they've replaced, they've

replaced Chaco with Mad Cux. I heard that. That's correct. That's correct. Is that right? Is that right, Uncle Buck? I would say it was going to funk. It was just that Chaco had some crazy shit going on

in his personal life that I'm not gonna be all into. And he did. Well, he was basically gonna rage quit. And I wasn't gonna rage quit. Well, he's rage quit this show a couple times. I've gotten a couple emails saying that he's done with the show and he's never coming back, but then he does come back.

So is it similar with what you guys are dealing with well he's not quitting the brand as he put it but we're we're we're gonna have a time where chaco is a way doing other things taking care of his family finding a day job that kind of thing okay because our patreon is not nearly as blessed as yours unfortunately unless everyone wants to go to a patreon dot com slash hw i d gIDG and subscribe to the $10 tier, that'd be really great. Okay, so anyway, what is your show about? And now Mad Cux is on it.

So this is the Mad Cux slash Uncle Buck show. Yeah, except I don't do Mad Cux that do my real self. So if you wanna hear about what really makes me a rage, that's where you should listen. Okay, what kind of stuff do you guys have? You see how to fucking circus? And a circus. Nobody can find a bathroom or a closet

when they call into the show. They get on a carousel and they crank them up. They find a nearest carousel and they find the biggest PA and they go sit on that horse and they stand on that horse like a stripper and get the phone, write the fuck up into that PA so we can hear the goofy circus music while they're calling in.

And that's pretty much our show goes. What do you guys talk about? Give me some topics of here's what I don't get. I'm trying to sell you show here. Well, great, I appreciate that. So we do, we just talk about issues that we don't get. So like maybe I don't get the 2016 Ghost Busters on this week's episode.

Okay. And I rant for an hour and a half because somebody kept egging me on, and then maybe Joel Chaco doesn't get to give his issue this week, or maybe Joel Chaco brings in public sector unions, and does the politics thing. He's always the one who's got something important to talk about, and I'm always the one who talks about stupid bullshit. Okay, so... At least he was. So it's adding up why you guys broke up then.

If somebody always wants to bring in serious topics and somebody wants to bring in silly comedy topics, what do you know about that? Before, there's no beef. There's no, no, no, gosh, there's nothing like that. He just, he was doing all the editing and I wasn't. like that. He was doing all the editing and I wasn't. He was doing all the promoting and I wasn't. Was he bringing all the snacks? Yeah, it's a Skype cast, so I bring in my virtual snacks.

He brings in all the work and I just show up and crack wise at him on the show. But there's no ghost, there's no personal beef between us. Okay, we'll finish each other him on the show. But there's no, there's no, there's no gossip. There's no personal beef between us. Okay, when are you, each other off all the time? Well, that's good. That's healthy. Yeah, yeah. But it's, it's, it's, it's totally a logistical thing. It's not a, not a personal thing.

Okay, when is the you and Mad Cux show starting? When does it come out? We had an episode that came out this week with, with Joel still, and then we'll have a new episode this coming Friday the The fifth okay So Friday coming out coming out Friday the new the new here's what I don't get starring starring the real-life madcooks On the c next Tuesday network and you guys do you not record on a carousel for the show? Do you find somewhere quiet to record? Well actually buck was just telling me he wants to start recording in a mall.

Yeah, perfect. Yeah, we're going to go into, you know, we're going to cut this piece. We just set up at home and we're going to do that. But now we're going to go out to the noisiest possible place we can possibly find. And then, Keral, other people, over to the microphone and have them just shout incoherently into our equipment. Yeah, they're angry about unedited and just just just whatever happens.

They should do like a last man standing like a, there can be only one podcast recording where all the podcasters get in one studio and try to do their podcast and outscream each other. And the last group remaining is the only podcast left on the internet. All the other ones have to do it. Let's do it. Yeah, we would win that. Me and Madcucks, we would win that hands down. All right, you guys, I'm going to listen to your to your program. Madcucks, what what's something that here's what you don't get?

Well, this week I brought in the 80s, kind of this 80s nostalgia where people have a fixation with a bygone era of their parents and their parents parents. Yeah, that's what you don't get. I just don't understand why that's the thing. Like, why are we still obsessed about the 80s? It's been 30 years, guys. Because the future sucks.

There's nothing good there. It's just more crackdowns. More and more crackdowns of stuff that you like. It's huge. Just real quick, more and more crackdowns, the stuff that you like. Just real quick, Sean, ACIU wants me to ask you about your shoes, and then it's how you're very handsome. On behalf of what, are you the proxy for ACIU? I'm just going, all right, get out of here. Get out of here, get out of here.

What's going on? Both of you get out of here. Here's what I don't get the podcast, new new new new direction for that podcast. Yeah. That makes sense to you. For them. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Yeah. I'd like to see I'd like to listen to Madcugs. Absolutely. Well, you've got a different, you've got a different, uh, it's going to be a different chemistry. It's a different dynamic. It's the, um, I listened to the old show. Here's what I don't get. Yeah, it's good. Did you get, did you get it? The one I listened to had a lot to do with YouTube advertisements and things like that. I actually, I can't remember who the guest was. He's got a note. He's got a presence. But you liked it.

I did. And I learned something too. Would you like learning things? Yeah, I do. I do. I hate learning things. Yeah. Maybe a learn of the wrong stuff. What do I need to learn? Learning is like a drug. It's an opiate. Yeah. See, because you could learn all day and then what did you do? You just sat around learning. Yeah. You've got to do. Well, that's true too. You do have to do things. You can't this all this information that's getting pumped out is making people lazy because they just sit there educating themselves and they didn't do a goddamn thing. I'm done. If I you start teaching me something,

I'll just stick my hand right in your mouth. That's my move now. Yeah, like a hatchet. You've been threatening that for several episodes. For many times. All right. Let me get, I got the rage lottery winner on the line. I'm gonna wrap it up.

Hey, buddy, are you there? Nope, not yet. You got to unmute yourself. Did you drop those guys? Yeah, oh. Dude, you have someone in here? No. Hey, buddy, what do you want me to call you?

Just Damon. Damon, all right, Damon, you're the Rage Lottery winner for April. What makes you a Rage man? Thanks for being a Patreon, a Patreon. I'm kind of obsessed with Dixiel. Thank you for a Patreon. A Patreon. I'm gonna pass that to the Dix show. Thank you for having me. I never thought I'd actually win. You won.

So what makes me a rage are... culators. Hold on, hold on, hold on. You broke up there. Do go say it again. This fucking discord, man. These goddamn voips. Never fucking work.

All right, what makes you a rage, bud? Okay, so what makes me a rage are three act of masculators. So what this is is usually, I'll give you a little story, theater, and you've got like a piece of trash you're gonna throw away. Why you still broke up? I did? Yeah, try it again.

I got three act of masculators, but then you broke up. All right, one more time. Yeah. What makes me a rage are three act ofasculators, but then you broke up. All right, one more time. Yeah. What makes me a rage are three act emasculators. Okay. So for example, let's say you're leaving a movie theater and you've got a piece of trash you need to throw it away. As you're walking out, you throw it at the trash can

and you miss because you're not really paying attention. Yeah. I don't know where this is. Let's say the manager sees you do this. Yeah. I'm right. Yeah. This is where the show starts.

This is act one where he has to get your attention. And he's going to set the tone for the rest of the inter- Oh, I see. So these are people who take such pleasure in emasculating you that they have it built up like a movie. Okay. So who usually call you over like, hey, buddy, come over here for a second. And you're kind of on tilt because somebody you don't know is trying to get your attention.

Uh-huh. And Act Two two starts it's usually interrogation. They want to know something about you personally. Hey, what's your name? Name? How do you spell that? Dude, you're breaking up way too much. God damn it. Oh. Are you on what are you on? VoIP? I'm just using Discord. I mean, I don't have the app. I'm using it through the web browser. Okay. Do you want to call back on a landline or another line like a cell phone?

Would you try Skype? Or is that too much trouble to switch over? No, no, I'm switching over to Skype now, but can you call in on it? Yeah, okay, hold on. All right, bud. Let's try it one more time. Okay, we'll make you a rage.

To a rage are three act of masculators. So I'll give you my example is, let's see your move, you're leaving a movie theater and you've got a piece of trash and you're going to throw it away on your way out. Yeah. Throw it at the can, but it misses and it hits the floor. You don't even notice because you're not really paying attention.

Now let's say the manager sees it, he sees it hit the floor and this is where the show starts. So act one is getting your attention. Okay. Usually this is going to set the tone for how the interaction is going to go, but he'll just kind of give you a, hey buddy, come here for a second. Act two is interrogation. He wants to know something personal about you.

He's got to ask you a bunch of questions to throw you on till. So I'll go like, hey, what's your name? Yeah. Yeah. How, let me ask you some, how old are you? How old am I? Yeah, how do you? I'm 29. You're 29 and service workers are picking on you. I would have thought younger because they see like it's like a like a like a pecking order or like a movie theater manager you'll see like a kid and say and start cracking their knuckles like, oh boy, I'm really

going to emasculate this kid. You're getting that shit at 29 fuck. Well, this didn't happen to me, but this didn't make me so angry until I saw this happen to a guy at work like three days ago. Oh, I see. Okay. Because now I was, but I also have a lot of memories of being a kid and this shit happening to me. Oh, yeah. Yeah like when I was at home, you think you have to get on the time of day. Yeah, you think that they're on a tour or something. You think you're on a tour or something. Yeah, when you grow up,

when they're just a severe fuck up, it's just in that position at that stage of their life. Or it's just like they're abused, like, okay, that's what you're doing, but just don't take it out on me. Yeah. Don't take, don't take your, whatever you're trying to deal with at home, whatever fulfillment

that you didn't get out of life. That's more fair. Do not fucking take it out on me. Like don't act like you're just, you're just here because you haven't been replaced by a robot yet. Act like it. Like, there's a little bit of, yes, I missed the garbage can. Maybe it was on purpose, but you're not getting

anything out of this. Like what, go ahead. Second act. Well, even that is, it's like, just skip to the part where you tell me to pick up the trash. And then it's over. I can get it. I'll say sorry and you say have a nice day.

That's it. But act two, like I said, they want to get to know you. They want some information. And then the third act is when they turn it on you, then they go, well, since you've come to the theater so much, you know that we like to keep our floors clean. So make sure you pick up your trash, and then he'll kind of point at it.

And then you go, oh, sorry, buddy. Like, lumber, yeah. Very office. Well, this is what I was saying in Philly, like everything Airbnb is just a non-stop ongoing real life version of the Stanford experiment. And so is every fucking service industry. As soon as you put a vest on somebody, they become a complete piece of shit.

Like, well, yeah, man, I guess it's your time now. I guess you've really made it. You finally got a little bit of power. You didn't even get any power. You finally got called. You finally got a little bit, you finally got a little bit of power. You didn't even get any power. You finally got called, you finally got a vest. It's like at the fucking apocalypse. You give one guy a vest, he's gonna start ordering people around.

And people are gonna listen. People are gonna listen to it. And it's like the opposite in the service industry. Like no offense to people who work in that industry, but you're there to service us the customer. The customer's always right, but it has like the opposite in the service industry, like no offense to people who work in that industry, but you're there to service us the customer. The customer's always right, but it has like the opposite effect for those people. They work there, you're in your office.

Sometimes the customer's a fucking asshole. Usually the customer is wrong. Usually the customer is a piece of shit. It's like, you're stuck, it's everybody is just shitting down. It's like everybody is on a ledge, and as soon as they climb that ledge to get above the people that they were just with,

they just take a big ol' shit over the balcony. The manager climbs up and he goes, hey, everybody guess what? The customer's always right. Here's a bunch of diarrhea all over your heads. It's like, I don't have to deal with them. We, I know that they're never right. I know that they're just a bunch of entitled assholes

who would stab you in the back to save 10%. Like the second, I know that they just come in here to price check shit and that we're lucky that they try to disguise that they're ordering it on Amazon at the same time. That's the reality. We're lucky that they just don't see us as walking price checkers. But you know what? Now that I'm above you, I'm going to pretend like, I don't see us as walking price checkers but you know what now that i'm above you i'm gonna pretend like i don't know that anymore customers always right and we're not just marching toward oblivion when drawn state car plays uh...

i just it drives me nuts especially the the last one i saw at work because i had to i watched the show as a spectator and i don't i don't like being part of the show and i sure shit don don't wanna watch, it happened to somebody else. No, I've, I don't know if it's this show or what, but I've started really, really hammering service. Anybody just doing their job, I've started really laying into them.

This week especially, we got this stupid local election taking place, this runoff for city council between these two guys, Gil Cedillo, who seems like, they're both Democrats. I don't care. I don't care who wins, because they're both just going to take money. And one's going to build bike lanes with it. One's going to give it to unions. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter to me. But they call me, they call me an 80s girl, no bullshit three or four times a day, asking who we're gonna vote for, taking polls like every fucking time.

So yesterday, Saturday morning at like 9.30, they called and the guys like, hey, you know, hey, and they're always, they're mouths, always full of marbles, like they've never know, Hey, and they're always, their mouth's always full of marbles, like they've never talked in their life and they're just trying it out for the first time. The guy goes, Hey, uh, Hey, I just wanted to know, uh, you know, we got the, I'm like, dude, just fucking, this better not be, I already get that sinking feeling in my stomach

that I know that this is going to be about the, the election, the Gilsadio, Joe Bray, Ali election. I'm like, Okay, man Gilsadio, Joe Brayale election. I'm like, okay man, now I'm already pre-triggered and I'm winding up the jack in the box. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da at a time when I feel great and pissed off. If I was depressed and pissed off, I would just hang up. But you happen to catch me on a time. I'm in a transitional phase. I'm in a transitional phase. Jam Jackson says this, yeah.

I'm trying to be right. And being right today means fucking hammering you. So he said, I'm just calling for the Gilles Cedillo campaign. And I want to know who you're calling for. I said, Hey man, you call me way too much. You call me three or four times a day, you call two fucking much. You call me all day, take me off your list,

and he starts laughing. The guy starts laughing like I'm making a hilarious joke. Like, oh, it's politics, man. And I said, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, this isn't funny. This is not, let me tell you something. The next candidate who calls me, I'm voting for the other guy. I don't give who the, I don't care who the fuck gets the reins in this district because you're both gonna fuck it up. I'm a Trump guy. Put it on the list. I'm a Trump guy. I don't fucking care who wins. But the next one of you who calls me, I'm gonna get my ass out of bed at nine in the morning,

go down to the polling place, and I'm gonna vote for the other guy. Yeah, a spite vote. Yeah, I want you to write, and he's like kind of laughing, but now realizing that I'm not joking, I just put it on the fucking list. The next time one of you calls me,

I'm voting for the other guy. All right, do you understand me? And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yeah, I'm like, okay other guy. All right? Do you understand me?" And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, okay, goodbye. End of call. That's it. That's what you got to, I felt great. That's what you got to do now. You see anybody, any of these fucking, well, I'm just doing my job. Really? Your job is just, you're taking money to disturb me all day to fuck with me. So fuck you. I'm gonna take it right back out of you.

Now every time you call somebody, you gotta be afraid, at least for a couple calls. At least for three or four calls. You sign up a bitch. Yeah, three act of masculations. All right, man, I'm glad we got your audio sorted. Great, thank you. And thank you.

Thanks for being a Patreon. I see you, buddy. Take it easy. We got it. We did. It's a Skype. Let me see if I got anything else. Yeah, the question you asked about how old he was,

I didn't know, he's saying it happened to somebody else. Yeah. It's something, like if you're a teenager and kids are showing off in front of their friends or something, do that, or you know, throw something that they know is not even going to hit the trash can and then like the guy scolds them and tries to teach them a guy tends to be your fucking dad. And they actually like sits there and takes it where it's like, you know, because the guy who's doing it is all of like, you know, 25, 26 and I can't wait to yell at somebody for that. Yeah.

For like taking my nephew aside, trying to give him a talking too, and then just coming over and say, hang, what's going on here? What's going on? Who are you? What's your name? What's your name, sir? Let me see that vest.

Anyway, we got a present from Steven Dick. I noticed on the live streams that you like to hold a pen in your hand. I took the liberty of hand crafting. This red, blue, and white-ish wood roller ball pen. I made the wood acrylic myself and I turned the pen, but the metal shit is pre-made. Keep up the awesome work and hope to talk to you soon. Steven.

That's Etsy.com. I guess he's Steven has a shop and Etsy shop. Etsy.com slash shop. What's it? Slash dog wood hand crafts. Here's the pen. I've never had no fancy pen before. Oh, that's great.

Yeah. Look at the weight of this thing. Yeah, look at that. Refillable cartridge, I would imagine. I guess, but it writes like a cloud, man. Yeah. You know how you get, I know people who have woodworking shops and stuff

and they will make pens and yeah, they come. Really? Yeah, the hardware is like from a kit. You can make it out of, you know, I've seen them turned out of like bird's eye maple and like all these beautiful, exotic woods. Take a look, there's blue in there. Take a look at that.

Beautiful. Beautiful hand. Beautiful hand. Beautiful hand by the, by Stephen, you gotta unscrew it. I do? Yeah, unscrew, the whole thing screws off, then you screw it in the, by Stephen, you gotta unscrew it. I do. Yeah, unscrew the whole thing screws off and then you screw it in the end. Yeah, very cool.

Thanks, Stephen. Yeah. Sean, you got something too. Oh, good. This is for you, open it up. Yeah, give me that pen back first. I hope this hasn't been up anyone's ass or anything like that.

I hope now. Stephen's the one that had the transferry orgy story. Yes. Well, if it has, I hope I never find out about it. Here's somebody, somebody sent this to you. Oh God. I don't know, it's some kind of starch wreck. Sure it.

Look at this. Is it? What is it? Open it and give it a rip. It's a, it's a pro wear, but next generation except they have like tough guy stuff on. Like Picard has a do rag and a chain. Oh, and there's a giant weed. It's the cast of the next generation, Star Trek, with Jordy and data and Picard and

Worf and Riker except they're wearing, they're wearing gang paraphernalia and there's a giant marijuana leaf in the front of it. And also, is that a bottle of synthetic marijuana in front of the marijuana leaf and some guns? Yeah. So, that'd be a pretty, I would say that's a pretty big departure from your normal shirt of a black V-neck. Yeah. Hey. A novelty Star Trek. It's a pretty big departure from your normal shirt of a black V-neck. Yeah.

A novelty star track, the next generation, full of weed and drugs and gangster shit. This is from NJ. When you pay your taxes in Singapore, you get a message. Thank you for your contribution to nation building. Feels good, man. How about that? You actually get a thank you. Yeah. In Singapore, NJ says about that? You actually get a thank you. Yeah, in Singapore.

And Jay says that that's cool. Interesting. Yeah. This one is from Reddit. Reddit does a thing where they do rage off Friday, where everybody says what makes them rage and they don't vote on it. The winner of this week was Sputnik's DX 8 to 5, he says. I know it was brought up a little bit on the old show, but not enough, my fucking inspection sticker has been expired for over a year now, because I have no fucking clue what to do about it. I work nine to five.

The tax, whatever that gives the stickers works. Inspection sticker? Yeah, like in his car. You know, like when your car needs a smog inspection, the registration sticker, okay, I'm gonna have to talk about it. The tax, like when your car needs a smog inspection, the registration. The tax, whatever that gives the stickers works eight to five, too. I can't get my sticker renewed over the mail because it's expired. Yes, that's what I was told. So fuck it. I'm white. I don't get pulled over even though I live next to a fucking police station and speed everywhere

I go. What's fucked is that the only life, the only important life should is open eight to five. I can't go to the doctor or go to the bank or go get my fucking inspection sticker renewed without wasting what precious time in my life that isn't already being sucked away into my fucking job. But you know what? I can get a frappuccino all the way until 10.59 PM. Because that's what's really important.

Man, you are so fucked. Like watching 80s girl who's got a real job, who's got to be there all day every day. Just try to like go to the dentist. I know. Get contacts. It's like, well, uh. You've got to take time off work.

You gave up all your profit for the month. Yeah. That was it. You took two hours off. You left with absolutely nothing. Yeah. Absolutely nothing. Yeah, eight to five, man. That is fucking bullshit. All right. Happy Cinco de Mayo. I'm gonna play Todd Sidel's, got a little bit of a Cinco de Mayo sounding song for us. It's a bit called trifle of my place in voicemails after that. Listen to this. He sent me a bit. Dustin sent me a bit that he's been a pitch to Reddit.

Oh yeah? What do you think? I can't wait! I don't know why he hasn't done it so far. Everybody likes judging things. You know? Of course. So you just put things out there for them to judge and I like they like doing it

Get in a low rider man, do you want a low rider? You ever wanted a low rider in your life every day of my life? Yeah, Oh good. No. No! Fuck you. Lowriders. Yeah man. Nice El Camino. Lower down with dingly balls all over the windshield. That's my dream. I don't do you think it's because of the Mexican part of me. I don't think there's any thing about it. I don't think there's any thing about it. It's a functional car. It's practical. It's got a bed.

Maybe this is a huge mistake to say. If you load it up, you're a mattress in the back. Camp out under the stars. Yeah. I would never do that. I just want to think about it. But you could. You could do this. That's the amount of things.

You could do a lot of things. Oh, yeah. All right, all right, all right. Check that out on the side. I'm going to play some voicemails here. There's not any pain on the road. What makes me the arrange this week? People that don't know how to just end the interaction.

Excuse me for a problem on the phone. Hang up first. No, two hang up first. Okay, sub-u5, sub-u5. Love you. Now I love you more. Now it's in real life. It's like, all right, thanks. Have a good day. Now it's in real life. It's like I think have a good day. All you do take care

Thanks, we will have a good time I just Thanks have a good day to people problems. Yeah How did you say the people have problems with yeah Like on the phone with somebody and like yeah, it was great talking to you by and they're like yep, yep, yep Like that I don't know what it is that keeps me on the phone But like you can tell you can tell that they expect more from the goodbye than you do like well It was great talking you yeah see you well. Yeah. I'll just I'll see you around Yeah, yeah, yeah have a good one. Well, it was great talking to you. Yeah, I see. Well, yeah, I'll just, I'll see you around. Yeah, yeah, yeah, have a good one. Well, you know, you, you keep on having a good one too. Yeah, all right. All right. Goodbye. Well, I'll, I'll talk to you next time.

Yeah. Yeah, man, have, goodbye. I've experienced that. Goodbye. Yeah, bugs me like that guy too. Maybe I just forget about it because we've so rarely talk on the phone anymore. Everything is like text and, you know what I mean? Well, you're hard to get all of those too. Yeah. On the phone. Yeah, I hate the phone. Fucking hate the phone.

There's always someone on the other end. I love this. You know what fucking bullshit? It's bullshit that, no matter what card you get in, the headrests are always designed to make you a hunchback by the age of 36. It's the biggest fortune bullshit ever, man. I go to rentals, I go inside of Lamborghini's, I mean, I haven't got inside of Lamborghini, but I'm not a rottie, you know, I driven on Mazorati ones and whatever car you go inside of

Their headwrest are designed to make your neck bend in a way that not only isn't natural Yeah, but it's kind of I don't know. I don't know what kind of society they're trying to build people just having their next snapped forward and Having their chin crushed there. It's a giant conspiracy to have a side of huntbacks by that day the gimme i like the correct it it was a must-have i was a little bit gimme no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Cairo smiling that are next to our crooked fucking bullshit. I think they're up to something They're all there All up to something I fucking know it They are always up to a lot. They bring it up on the show. I know you're up to something too No, he got his he got his way

Maybe they are up to something maybe they are they they you know who they are Furious they they do a lot. They're trying to they're trying to turn us into minions. Yeah, they, you know who they are. They're the various they, they do a lot. They're trying to turn us into minions. Yeah, they're always trying to fuck you. Those rental cars, man, you get in and for some reason, that headrest, apparently Maserati's do it too. Yeah, probably cause they're built for little guys. Well, Italian guys, right?

Maserati's an Italian, Italian sports car. Yeah, believe so. Yeah. Yeah, cause they're built for little dudes to sit in there like a cockpit a cockpit like guys like Tom Cruise They probably did research and said well guys who are over Five eight don't buy this car. So let's just build it for like every time Jeremy Clarkson tries to get in a sports car He looks like a gorilla trying to squeeze into a shoe box true. Hey Hey, Dick. This is, this is your conscience.

Oh. I'm Nick. I'm a guy with a couple of things. You're becoming a portly fuck on your Facebook group. Dick, what the hell is happening here? How many big nuggets have you gone into since Maddick stopped feeding you fucking character oranges and kiwi berries?

You gave more than 30 pounds, my friend. No. And I get it. Listen, you've been going to Jim, you've been getting the aches and pains. I understand, I don't know the gym, I don't know what's in my back hurts. I don't wanna do fucking devil's thing, man.

I guess I get it. I guess you're fucking me out of my mind, dude. You look like I hate to fucking say it. Well, you look like a stereo stress at the big match. Oh God. Sorry, I hear it this way. Yeah. But get your ass back to the gym, you look like a stereo stress up a big mass. Oh God. Sorry, I hear this way. Yeah. But get your ass back to Jim. You play pounds. Come to man. All right. Peace. I do have to go for

yourself. I got I got to lose some. You know what the problem is? Is since since I moved in with 80s girl, when you move in with somebody, you don't. Your meals add on to their meals. You know, like she makes, she eats breakfast. I've never eaten breakfast before. Yep. Because it's a conspiracy to make you eat eggs. It's a big egg.

It's a big egg conspiracy. And you don't eat eggs anywhere else. It's a big scam. Subsidized eggs. I'm just kidding, I don't really think that. But I never eat breakfast because I get too busy and amped up in the morning when I wake up about shit posting and reading the drudger port and that kind of thing.

So I never ate breakfast, but now she eats breakfast. So she always makes breakfast, which means I eat it. Yep, but then I'm still hungry for lunch. Yep, at lunch time. but then I'm still hungry for lunch. Yep. At lunch time. And then I'm eating dinner, but it's like a different size of dinner portion than what I'm used to, because we're trying to do it as a team.

So then when, mid, like, 10 rolls around, because she's got to wake up early for work, and I stay up later, I missed, I have to eat again, because we had to eat dinner at the same time. You do not have to explain any of this to me. I get it entirely. And you can't stop it.

It fucking sucks. Yeah, because it turns out we have no self control whatsoever. No, none. If you put, if you just put a bag of uncooked rice in front of me, I would eat it till I was dead. I have no self control at all. No. Animals have more self control.

Regular, exactly as much as just a dog that rips tears into a bag of alpo, a 50-pound bag, eats it until it throws up and then eats more. Eats the throw up. Yeah. That's me. If she makes the, and the food is always delicious,

but if it's there, I'm eating it. I know. I don't know how to stop this. No. Like I can't work out more because I was at the most, I can't change my lifestyle. But now I've got two extra meals of food sitting there. And when I would eat by myself, it was just like a sad bachelor meal.

Yeah. Like a slab. Deployed of nutrition that could possibly cause you to gain weight. Well, yeah, devoid of taste, it was only protein. It was like, yeah, see, that's good. Yeah, it was like a sack of, I was like a handful of rice and a couple slabs of chicken meat made in a little toaster oven that sat on a sad little Ikea island with wheels on it in a kitchen that had never been cleaned.

Like whatever guy who lives by himself eats, because they never lived with a chick before. You know, and this is what I would eat every, my portion, it was the strict control on the, but now, you know, she's know, she's making these huge, these delicious meals with ingredients that I don't know. I don't know what's in these things. Yeah. Something, but it's not like, before I worked on it, if I can't see it, I'm not eating it.

I see the chicken slab, I see the rice, and that's it. I don't feel any way about it. I'm just shoveling it down so that I can drink and go to sleep. Yeah. That's it. But now I'm eating for pleasure and talking about the day. And it's sick.

It's a sickness. And first I have not gained 30 pounds, fuck you. 20 tops. I'll give you 20. I would argue 15, but I'll give you, I'll put the over under it, 20 tops. I'll give you 20. I would argue 15, but I'll put the over under it 20. Feeling generous. Yeah, I think 15, I don't even wanna know, but it's now, it's completely out of my control now.

I don't know what to do. We gotta eat separately. We gotta have separate dinner tables like the parents and 50s television had separate beds. We got to have completely, completely separate our meals. Yeah. Now, two refrigerators, two refrigerators. Yeah. One of only blocks, different locks.

Yes. So you can't even see what's in hers. Physical locks, so I can't hack the password. Yeah. Like a master lock. The kind that you would use to beat up fascists. Yeah. Something's got to be use to beat up fascists. Yeah, something's gotta be done.

I can't work, what am I gonna do? Start writing a bicycle? Sean? Well, not gonna start writing a bicycle. No, no. Then I gotta tell my parents I'm gay. Someone will put a billboard up up up. I'm gonna put a billboard up.

I gotta get that going too, that billboard. All right, everybody, see you next Tuesday. I'm going to that little boy. All right, everybody, see you next Tuesday.