The Dick Show - Episode 480 - Dick on The Seattle Fat Mall

Episode Date: October 13, 2025

I get a new rug, a tour of the Seattle Fat Mall, the IRS gets a paid vacation, the unread email button is removed, Reduction in Force layoffs, Captain Ham Planet, a gay, handicap AI, a woman with a skin beard, Jordan Peterson killed by mold, and gross formula; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Um, pretty much just reading emails and then marking the email as unread. So I can go back to it later. Ah, I don't want to do that now. I'll go back to that. Mark this unread. And Google just changed where the mark unread button is. Oh. So it's totally fucked up my life. I have to take a sabbatical or figure out.

I need a new process. because for the last 10 years read the email, mark the email unread has been you know my my North Star that's how I live and die by the market unread

read the 90% of my days reading emails mark them unread now I don't know how I'm going to do it I don't know how I'm going to get by now well the problem is if you like put them in folders like oh read open this and get back to this later folder my wife

probably 10,000 folders in her thing She looked at my emails. She goes, why do you have so many unread messages? I said, $170,000? Is that a lot? She goes, look at mine. I said, you got no emails.

You're a loser. What do you mean? She goes, no, I categorize them all in the folders. I'm like, somebody actually uses these fucking folders? I thought it was just like a joke to put the folders on the side so you have to scoot it out of the way. She goes, no, I got every folder for everything. Like, well, I don't have that. I have a system called Mark Unread, and it doesn't work.

I have a system that also doesn't work called the search. tab that fucking thing I can never find shit in that that doesn't work either uh okay is this working is this working more importantly yeah I think I hear us I hear us

oh my wife are we talking are we talking about the rug what did you think of my it's great I thought it had the room to ask you to finish my question before we were walked in on. What do you think of our new rug?

I think it's great, man. I know I'm gonna get shit for this. Anyway, now the mic is sticky. I took off the sticker because it kept peeling up, but bothering me, pointing straight up because you can't turn the mic because it's like lock lug nut in there

so it doesn't rotate, but then the seam of the sticker is right there in front of your face. So every time I look at the microphone, I see the stickers peeling up. So I took this sticker off, and now 80% of the microphone is sticky. Great!

Presenting... What were your real thoughts of the rug? I'm gonna get in trouble for it anyway. So why not talk about it? That's what she said. On the way down, she says, I know you're gonna talk about the rug on your show and not in a funny way.

Yeah! Welcome my dick. Welcome to my rug. You want rug, you need rug. You got it. The only show where everything's a rug. Come you live from a mountain rug Deep in the heart of the rug

The rug of failure I'm watching the door because I think An assassin, a trans assassin hired by my wife's gonna come in and Kill me I think the rugman's coming A rugman is coming He carries around rugs and he puts his dead bodies in the rug

It looks It looks like It looks like a pixely It's a pixely rug It's got pixels It has fucking pixels in it It's like a pixel camo For a hotel lobby

That's a Exactly what it is! Pixel camo! Like, when did the army go to, like, computer squares as their camo? Looks stupid. I don't believe that that, like, oh, it's an urban warfare. Like, okay, if you want to blend in an urban warfare in Istanbul? Why don't you guys wear fucking turbans then? Like, what do you mean?

How is a bunch of boxes good with M16s? Just dress, like, go around, going, Ola, la, La Huala Wakpar! Like, aha, surprise, cockat, you know? You'd think, right? How is that? How's that camo? A bunch of squares. My, my, my rug is a camo pixely rug. You can't even see the rug. You just fall right through the floor.

Well, it looks like, um, if you were walking through like a, uh, not quite the most expensive hotel you could say. She's gonna hear this and you already told her that you thought it looked great. And I, I mean, obviously, I did too. She saw us both laughing. It doesn't matter if we said it was the best rug to have ever run. She's doing a return. You don't understand. She's doing every turn.

turn right now and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I'm going to have to wad that thing. Even though it's fine. It's totally fine. The rugs, the whole, the whole rug industry is just bullshit. It's, it's, it's this yard of shitty fabric that gets crappier every time. It's like the Chinese fed like a nice oriental rug into an L-LM, but like a low-res. And then it shit out these squares. Like every single rug is this series of fucked up squares that you can't escape. Oh, great.

Uh-oh. Oh, shit. I said, she said that I approved the rug. It's fine. It's just that you can't tell. I guess you can kind of tell it's pixels from the picture.

I don't care. It's going to be covered in hair and diarrhea. I put a shirt on. Diarrhea. I put a shirt on. Diarrhea.

Or milk. Or whatever. Or fucking magical. I got to feed. I got to feed my baby. Rice. He's just throwing up too much, man. So we're trying to feed him this rice formula.

Put him on a head. I know, honey. It's fine. I don't give a shit, but I'm looking. I don't give a shit about the rug. and I picked the other rug because I'm so if you had to rank

tasks to do it would be rug shopping dead last I would rather burn in hell for like probably 20 as long as time

didn't pass in the world probably like 20 years than try go through the farce go through the retarded Chinese farce of shopping for rugs on Amazon or washable

they're all they're all washable now all the rugs So it feels like you're walking around in a t-shirt Like it's clumping up There's nothing There's no rug quality

From back in the day That exists in the modern era You're just walking around On a fucking t-shirt Gouching it up everywhere you go And I don't know what's I don't know where you wash it I'm not wad this thing up

It's like the size of a beach ball I'm not throwing that in the washing machine That's what I'm excited to see Is everyone's fucked up washing machines afterward You gotta take it to the laundromat I guess I don't know Fuck up their washing machines

Fuck up their washing machines machine. I've seen that happen too many times. She already bought another rug as punishment. Instead of just sending that one back, she bought another fucking rug. I'm getting this because I can't,

I'm trapped here. I'm trapped doing the show. I can't, and my mom is here. Oh, yeah. So my tricks don't work. My implication of violence and slander and and cursing about

and demeaning the threat of being demeaned is not no longer effective while my mother is here while we're on a little radio show I'm doing my show my fucking buy the whole neighborhood of rug rugs for everybody let's build a buy a thousand rugs

guess what guess who didn't pass today without spending $100 he's got two thumbs right fucking here you didn't even make this after noon without... He's got two thumbs. He's 15 pounds overweight. Right here. This guy didn't even make it to fucking noon before spending 100 bucks. Gets a whole

new rugs. What was I thinking? What was I thinking of rugs should last more than four months? You see the other rug that we have in the family room? It looks like shit. I picked it. I picked that fucking one. It looks fucking retarded. It looks like a fucking, it looks like an Arabian

checkerboard. It looks fucking stupid. I picked it. Because I don't give a fuck about any rugs. That's the thing too, is if the less you give a fuck about a rug. The more it costs! Well, the more it costs, but the more, uh, the better it fits, right? If you just go, well, I didn't give a shit, I just picked it. Oh, that does actually work.

The more time you spend on it, the more invested you are. We had a great rug, but it got full of, it was more dog hair than rug. By the end of it, it was nice, thick shag. Well, have the dog. turn this into nice thick shack i'm gonna turn the dog into a rug oh there you go i'll put the dog in the family room i'll put my wife under the dining room table i'm gonna turn them both into rugs me and my son will eat in peace not spending a hundred hours before noon fuck me rice now i gotta wad that fucking thing up i knew it i knew i knew it the second i took it out of the box my stupid face i tried to

make it's an arms race with your wife i'm trying to dupe her with some fucking I'm fucking amazed and pleased like a Colgate commercial about this rug that's coming out of the box and she's fucking Terminator eyeing me I know you're gonna fucking crack in there somewhere you're not actually pleased by this wife scan activated

you're displeased by this rug and it's like a it's like a little zap every time when my face starts cracking because obviously I'm fucking displeased by the rug I don't give a fuck about any rugs put a burlap sack on the fucking ground to stop it from bunching up every time I fucking walk

so I have to straighten the rug every time I look at it That's... These are real problems These are real problems This might even be the biggest problem These are the problems We could be concentrating on

If we weren't wasting all of our time Dicking around in Israel We could be worried about my rug Everyone's rug getting bunched up Wives spending too much I have to keep the text open So I can see how it makes a little Opposite I play that

Caching Cash register sound Every time my wife texts me Caching I thought your hair looked a little more gray this week Does it? Just from all the Caching I wish it would fall out

Then maybe everyone would leave me I could just be ugly and bald By myself with my money And my beard And fat And stupid that's cool that is the spirit of uncledom my friend

then I log on to Gmail I fucking go to unread an email and it shows me a bunch of fucking computer code on bullshit I said wait a minute I go back there I clicked on the unread you's been fucking hide it's been fucking kidnapped

the button has been kidnapped off the menu I'm shouting at my son first time He throws up so much So we're trying to feed him this goo Which looks shitty But some kind of rice goo Now that's cool

I'm like all right It looks like shit My wife goes well he doesn't like it So what do you mean he doesn't He's a baby What do you mean he doesn't like it He shouldn't know better yeah He doesn't know that you cannot like things yet

That's the problem That's consent doesn't exist for babies What are you a pedophile That's what I said to where He can't consent to food What do you mean? mean he just needs it he just needs it to live well he's an addict that's why he's screaming because he's going through withdrawal from food yeah she's like watch so she gives

him this rice she's like I fed it he ate it once and he didn't throw up at all so I thought this life change is great it's problem solved and I try to feed him again he won't eat it and if he if you trick him into eating and he goes blah and he won't eat it I said that's fucking that's impossible that's fucking impossible what you're saying is crazy give it to me put it in there he goes, puts his little mouth on it, and then goes, whoa, looking at me, like, I'm trying to pull a fast one. I'm like, what the fuck is this shit?

You're three months old. What do you mean? You don't have a preference for, how did you know that so quickly? How did you identify it? You have memories of this shit? But you didn't have enough seasoning. All right, get it. Come on, have, try it, come on, try it, try it for dear old dad.

Why don't you try it for dear old dad so the whole house isn't soaking in thrown up milk? And he goes, all right, I'll try it. Blah, blah, sure enough. Blah, putting on a big show. I'm like, yes, you got this from your mother. This shit. You got this is perfectly good rice milk. I'll drink it.

La, la, la. There's going to be a cock of me jacking off now. I've worked my whole life so that there wouldn't be a jiff of me jacking something off in my mouth, and now I've blown it because of this rug shit. This is the funniest half hour in podcasting. man that i'm telling you there's a praise jesus there's a rug sciop going on i'm gonna i'm gonna straight up steal someone's rug if i see a good not to be like big lobowski

but if i am at the point where if i see a rug i'm taking that shit i'm taking it i'm not filtering amazon's fucking i almost said the n-word i'm not filtering Amazon's contemporary rug shit washable machine fucking washable ding dangable you got there's so

I'm not filtering that shit one more time it's a rug system now comes with some kind of base layer like a Lego that you snap onto it so because they know it bunches up because they're not selling you a goddamn rug they're selling you a t-shirt

it's like a sleeping bag it's like it's worse sleeping bags you can't bunch up you bunch up you bunch one side up other side on bunches what the fuck they should make it out of that walking around like you're in a fucking tent all day yeah

I'm stretching it out that's how I'm getting in shape Mr. Miyagi stretch out the rug back and forth like I'm a fucking I could go row like at Yale or something I could be on the rowing team from all the fucking rug stretching I'm doing rugging team

Rug team You see him how white my son is Yeah He got the good half of the illegals Both halves Yeah Nothing illegal there Well that's what I'm saying

Is gonna show up and deport his parents If he Give him a medal You gotta do the Gregor Mendel P-Pod chart thing right I know all about the Gregor Mendel Yes right What are you talking about

He was the one who like Figured out the genomes or whatever With peas Yeah Yeah It was like if this is half and this is half, there's a quarter percent chance to get this, all this or all this, or two of the same shit, right? And it's like you've got the all-white kid. He got both of your white half.

Did he tell everybody about that right away, or was he like, does he lose, do you doing tricks with it? That's what he was leading up to. What? He was like, hey, you know, if that happens with peas, like, what else in nature reproduces? People. People. Yeah. People.

Did you keep it a secret? though? He's like, hey, check this out, guys. I bet a bunch of these peas are going to be all fucked up. Who wants any takers? For God? Any takers on this bet? He's like, this is going to lead to a terrible rap group later on in life.

I know that, I know it's just, I don't even want to leave the room because the rugs, the rugs just, it's going to be all fucked up when I go up there. And my dad's up there, so who the fuck knows? Who the fuck knows what's happening? You know my dad does? If there's a TV, if there's a TV that exists, even if it's not plugged in, he will go in, turn the TV, turn football on, and then leave. I don't know, I don't care what time it is.

He'll just walk, he goes around at night, sleepwalking, turning TVs on, and putting football on, and then going back to bed. That's how he receives his updates. That's how dads receive their updates through football net. Over the air, OTA updates. Well, the most... I came down in studio. I'm like, how the fuck do you put football? on here.

Well, what they do is he beams it in so when there's no TV he can beam it back out. Right. That makes sense. Fucking sticky microphone. Dude, the worst part

about this whole rug shit though is there's already the pad underneath. That's not changing. The rug. I had to trim the pad too to fit the fucking rug and now the rug's no good. So where do I get

a refund on the fucking time that I spent measuring and drawing little hash marks? so turn out right, measuring all down the rug, and then not cutting enough, so it still sticks out a little bit. Now you've got to move all your furniture back off of it, too. It's just like everything is so chintzy. Everything that I own is chintzy,

and everything that everyone else has is great. And I don't know why, and it's not because I don't spend enough money because I'm not changing that. Yeah, you just don't have that, like, ancient Chinese dynasty furniture that's lasted for like 20,000 years? Yeah, I want one of those.

The giant fucking thrones carved out of like a single piece of redwood or some shit Let's go to Palestine They get some of those rugs Some of those rocks Rugs? Oh, rugs Rocks I saw them building back their houses

I was like man that sucks But that's pretty Actually that looks like fun That looks like more fun I bet you guys are having more fun Building stuff out of rubble And wood and MacGyvering shit Than I'm having today arguing about rugs

I can promise you the Palestinian genocide survivors are having a better day than meat. They don't even think about rugs. They don't think about their newborns having gird because they're dead. They don't have to worry about

the rugs not looking good with the furniture because they got no fucking furniture. They're just joyous. They're joyous. They're joyous. They're joyous. Me? Miserable.

Palestinians happy. you see how that works sometimes you can be grateful for just waking up that day but today tends to not be one of those days not me yeah what did i do what's anyone done for me like just wake up spend your money fucking make you move shit around oh god i can panic i got to get out of bed and stop stop my money from being spent oh we should just end the show and walk upstairs to supervise i got to put i got to put some cameras up there or something you're basically defenseless right now I know

all new rugs all new furniture it's gonna look like as someone fucking won the price is right when we go back up there brand new bedroom set totally shanghide your best outcome is you could come back to an empty tariffs to 1 million percent

that's the only thing that will protect me tariffs Chinese shit here they say well tariffs are raising prices like yes I want the price raised so high that my wife can't buy anything anymore It's impossible It will be rejected by the credit card I like this

Sorry, you already You've already spent your limit of $100,000 Your purchase of a new dress Has been rejected You window shopped too much even Even that's gonna be Yeah then they'll charge for that

So I was yelling at my son He better You better drink that shit I felt like the guy in Friday You know, like who's that guy That black guy? Which one? Really narrowed it down for me there

The dad You better drink that shit You better drink that shit, Craig Right John Witherspoon is the best man You better drink this fucking rice goo Motherfucker Got to drink that shit

That's good rice goo You gotta beat his ass Beat your ass You're gonna have to start wearing a belt Just for the imminent threat With my basketball gym shorts Oh yeah Well that's more threatening

This is where I'm gonna take out the string I'm gonna take out this string boy Look this string see That's it boy I'm gonna take out Don't make me take out this string No you gotta wear a belt over the top Just to be even more menacing

Like yeah my dad's insane He wears a belt over his basketball shorts And there's not even a belt loop for them I'm gonna take this string out And make him thread it back I'm gonna take this Don't make me take this string out And make you thread it back

Oh I'm wearing them you know but Yeah You get beat until you get it all the way back through I fucking fished I fished the end of a string of a draw string back out through the hole

I was getting yelled at because we were late for something and I said just one second my wife says where are your pants why aren't your pants on and I said just one second

and I ran into the garage because the pants had the drawstring was halfway was only one was out and I'm just so first of all I don't know why I don't know why that still exists I don't know why that problem.

The Chinese. The Chinese is the reason. It's the Rothschilds. You know, every time I'm late for them work. Yeah. It's like, it's always like. Fucking Rothschilds. They're summoning, like the Sauron memes or Sarvon, whichever the guy.

Where he's like, it's like the Rothschilds like sending an Asian lady driving a minivan while I'm 30 minutes late for work. Roger, I see him. I see him, Nathan. I'll be right out there. Oh, I can't drive. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, you're right now, Johnny.

You're right now. That's how I feel when you lose one drawstring. When the whole thing is out, then you can just like, I feel fine about it. Fine. Yeah.

It's out. It's that. When one is out, I'm like, ah, now I got to pull it out. Yeah. Or fish for it.

And the fishing for it never works. It never works. And if you do manage to sit there and do like the fucking, you know, to pinch and pull fucking, you know, it takes half a week.

And then by then, Why, I just get a fucking, a random invoice? What the, what the fuck? Is that a new rug? It's just, it's an invoice for, is that, the hearing doctor? Why the fuck do I still, how do I still, how do I still have invoices with every open,

with every company on the fucking planet? You go to the doctor one time, you never stop getting invoices. I'm gonna free your, I'm gonna change your life here real quick. Yeah. In, uh, in, uh,

Unc Morabi's code, right? Uh-huh. Every time you look at a notification, that's money out of your pocket If I don't look at it Then your phone Then that's one last bill And then on top of that

Then you don't see all the other bills you have And you can continue to win I swear to God I swear to fucking God I'm storing it all up And I'm going to go super Uncle Sonic on everyone Dude

I'm going to start choking people Until money falls out of them I'm going to be on the news This guy This guy busted into the fucking, uh, Starbucks, started choking everyone and beating them. But then, fucking money started shooting out of them, like, every which way, like Sonic the Hedgehogs, but money, like, started shooting out of people. And they would get smaller and smaller and then go, whip, whip, like that. Like a fucking Markman.

Yeah. He made like $2 million. Just beating, beating the shit out of people. That would be cool. Yeah, like Jason Statham walking around, bop, bop, bha, and money just started shooting out. of them doctors he was going to fucking doctor's office beating them and money would start shooting out of them i feel like the problem at a certain point is the um once you beat someone's ass yeah chill about it you're like oh cool i'm gonna do it to cars too like street fighter and money

will start going got to fuck up those Toyota Celsius man like Zelda when you kill those guys and there's a little coin there yeah that's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna go around stabbing people They'll go like, poop-bib, they'll go, and it will be a rupees there that I could take. Just as long as they're not in the Ukrainian movement, it should be fine. Try explaining that in court. Kian. Your honor, she clearly had money.

Your honor, he thinks that if you kill people, will gems pop out of them like Zelda? Yeah, who am I to judge his religion? Remember in Zelda how? He's like, don't explain Zelda to me, son. All right. I may be old But I'm not that old

And I'll go Bostab That's not funny Bop Get him with a Zelda sword Dude I'm kind of afraid The episode to end today

Because then we're both Gonna have to face the music After this You gave it away I was I wasn't sniggering at all But my wife came in And saw you sniggering

And she used her teacher powers That's what's so fucked. And she goes, I know what you both are laughing at. I wasn't laughing. I was like, man, like, come on. I was like, what? I got that wave of shame, like, when you get caught in class. I was like, oh, fuck.

Like, I just was like, damn. You were doing bad stuff. You were doing bad guy stuff. And it's like, ah, what is this feeling? Okay, I'm putting the picture up. I can't fucking take it anymore. Why is it so hard? there attach a picture

okay it just looks it's fine but it looks like I'm gonna listen for any like feet rapidly approaching it looks like a low res nice rug it looks like a nice rug was made low res and then stretched out again

right like they messed up at a print shop they printed the thumbnail they printed the thumbnail instead of the full res rug easy anyone it could happen to anyone I mean what did you call it I called it a

pixel camo hotel art it's fine it's clearly supposed to be something else but they forgot if you framed some more than pixels you know yeah if you framed if you cut it like in a like diagonal shape

or if you tilted it diagonally cut a big rectangle and framed it yeah you could sell that for 10 grand as mine modern art. The last record we had within two days, I dumped an entire McDonald's shamrock shake on, so I don't really see the point. I don't see the point

of all this either. You should get to spill in shakes. The government's shut down. Is it still? They furloughed. This is kind of pisses me off. They furloughed. The IRS

furloughed nearly half of its workforce as part of an ongoing government shutdown. Okay, so, I like that they're not doing their job, but I don't like that they're on paid vacation. This furlough shit is a big problem. I want double work. When the government shuts down,

they should just have to run laps. Because they're getting paid anyway. So they're, you know. Make it worth our fucking day. They're getting a paid vacation, like a 30, 60 day paid vacation. I like that they're laying people off a little bit now It's good

Yeah, it would be better if they killed them But I like that they're at least laying some people off I want to see six digits Not five, not four You know, digits of layoffs I want to see I saw somebody say Let me see, I wrote it down what he said

Because they're laying, so everybody The government's not working which is bullshit They're still getting paid They should have to clean you know clean. There's a mop. Go outside. You got time to fucking clean.

You got time to fucking clean. You got time to fucking clean, man. That's the truest shit ever said. Get your ass in there. I guarantee there's fucking cobwebs in the corners of some of those buildings. Clean something out. Go outside. Pick up trash.

Clean their fucking desk out, actually. Yeah, clean a desk out. Throw it in the garbage. And then walk into the ocean. Start swimming. Just go. Dude, I don't like this furlough shit. shit because they're saying like they've been furloughed it's like well you guys are because it sounds

like f they're fired I think people are thinking that that's like good but it's not it's a vacation so you got to figure out some way why don't you F figure out some way to F fuck them over because they're not I'm working they should be doing double they should be doing double work I have to work twice as much to pay for them yeah so why don't they work if they're not doing any work I don't know. Do something. Lift weights, go to prison. Do something with these cock suckies.

They should just go to prison. Just go to prison. Yeah, you know what? Just get raped in prison. Fuck you. Hey, you know what? We'll either pay you, your exact pay, exact benefits, whatever. But you're in prison the whole time. Or no pay.

Yeah, it's fucking bullshit. Yeah. It's not a good thing. Government's shut down. They're just getting a fucking vacation. They're actively getting rewarded for doing nothing versus under the premise of like, Well, at least I'm working for the IRS. Yeah.

We already know you're not doing shit. I can't believe that shit exists. That's how effective propaganda is. You got like an army of people who are so sick and deranged that they think like taking people's money is like a, is, is, is needed or is good? Terrible. You guys aren't just, you're not even paying off the money you spend. Just print more money. You print money, then every dollar that exists gets devalued a little bit.

So if you have a lot of money, all your money just got devalued a little bit. A little bit. You got devalued a lot. If you have a little tiny bit of money or no money, like you're poor or your middle class, your money gets, you only have a little bit of taxes that you're paying with inflation. How did that, perfect system of perfect taxation where everybody gets taxed based on how much they're hoarding? How did that turn into, well, you know what? All of you guys that can't afford accountants, we're going to kill you unless you give us some money. We're not going to pay down the debt with your money. We're just going to take it. Yeah. Burn it. And it has no relevance to how much we're spending. It has no correlation. It has no connection with how much money we're spending. We're just taking your money and we're taking the little digits in your bank account.

When you pay it, when you click on the IRS website to make the payment of whatever it is, we're just going into your bank account and we're just deleting that fucking amount. And nothing else happens. And you have millions of people who got it stuck into their fucking heads that, This process of burning productive people's money is somehow even, is not only not just evil and a wasteful and abusive, like sick, sick and evil for the sake of the sickness and the evilness of it, but is good and is needed and is necessary. It's fucking retarded. It's fucking retarded, man. It's fucking retarded.

But we got to do something else. We need a little more. We need a little more. I need a little more than furlough And we need to start thinking of now Because we're in charge now So whatever sort of torture We can think up

On Amazon and delete all these shitty rugs Come to my house Package up all the shit And send it back You guys, you're so good with paperwork Come to my house Find everything in the house Send it back to Amazon

Doesn't matter what If you can get a return You send it back Mm-hmm Even the beer. If you can get a return for the beer, send the beer back. Even better. I saw somebody say, because they fired a bunch of guys from the Department of Education.

They're like, oh, test scores are really going to plummet now. And Vivek's, you know, Vivek Ramoswamy. Remember that guy? The guy that ruined Christmas, like the Grinch. I do recall this, yes. The Gurra-Gura Grinch? What's an Indian Grinch? His feet really stink

What is his The Grinch Prit The Grinch Preet The Grinch Preet that stole Christmas No, that redeemed Christmas He's got a big walrus mustache Yeah Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da

You're so nasty Mr. Grinch Preet It's all sitars and shit Deer Deer deer deer deer deer deer deer deer deer deer deer deer deer deer deer deer deer deer deer deer If you were reincarnated, you'd be a piece of sheet, Mr. Grinchpreet. That might be an honorary thing. You never know.

Do they have reincarnation, Indians, Hindus? If they do, they need to put, like, a limit on how many times you could be reincarnated, because they're like... Yeah, there is. They're just mashing that fucking respawn button over there, because goddamn. I think you can do so bad that you got to, like, fall out. I think they have, like, a hell. Because you do so good, you go straight up. Well, you do good, you end up in Los Angeles.

You do bad, you end up in the Philippines. Yeah. Or India. If you do good enough, you get to be a fat black woman on EBT, making TikToks about it. Never having to think at all. It's beautiful. And if you do the worst, you're me. Yeah.

Having to think all the time. and if you're just like a big wasteoid piece of shit then you end up behind a Pro Tools rig like me oh god please no more messages from anyone from anything any sort of service or device that

they'll sink their rape charges it's rape a clock of the month oh you've been deducted you've been deducted da da da da da da da da da da da da There's nothing worse than you wake up, and you're like, oh, email's cool. I've been waiting for files. I've been waiting for confirmations, all these things. And it's like, you know, Apple just dinged you for this.

And oh, you got ding. Congratulations. Your subscription of Fuck Me in the Ass has been renewed. Oh, wow. I didn't even get fucked in the ass this month. Huh. I'm wasting it. I better sign up to get fucked in the ass as quickly as possible.

Yeah. Like, did you know you can also get 30 days of this for free, too? Like, you can get a reach around for free, but this month only, then it's quite, a lot. Yeah, like, you know what? Fuck all of this. Why don't you put in all your credit card details? No. Yeah. I don't want to do that. I wanted to use this, but I'm not putting in my fucking details.

You talk suckers. That's the first guy I'm going to find and beat the money out of them. The guy that came up with that, hey, let's give them a free and then make them put their credit card fucking shit in and then we'll just charge them. Yeah, and if you don't cancel, we'll fucking get you for a whole month of this shit.

If you don't cancel, just call some Indian. I'm sure they really understand what the fuck's going on Why is there so many fucking spam calls Fuck make calls 20 make calls a quarter Make every call in the fucking world cost a quarter Problem solved We had that with pay phones Yeah that was great man

And then carrot top came around with those fucking Carrot Top fucked it all up Call collect commercials That fucking carrot N word Well carrot top implies the existence of a carrot bottom too, right? That's him. That's him.

He's lived long enough to be that guy. He took some weight lifting. These guys that lift weights, they're always posting pictures of it. I really fucking hate it. It's crazy, man. It's a break. Why'd you need to take a picture of this? Why don't you just say you're lifting weights? Right.

Taking a picture with their pubs hanging out. What the fuck? Or if you lift weights, like people will just see that you lift weights. It will reflect. Generally. I used to get, like, anxiety about missing a workout. If I would skip a workout, it'd be like, ooh, that wasn't good of you, you know? You lazy N, where I would call myself in my head, ooh, that wasn't good of you.

Right. But now I have a kid, I can't even fucking count. I'm like, when did I last workout? Fucking, was it October? Fuck me. And I'm not proud of it. I don't think it's a good thing, but man, oh man, that is one thing that went vo-o-jombo. I can tell when I get really busy

I'm like man I feel like a fat piece of shit I don't even feel like a fat piece of shit that's the thing that's the thing is like you just go without exercising for long enough even like a couple days or a week and you're just like man what the fuck is wrong with me back hurt like why does everything

why is everything hurt I know why's everything falling apart speaking of fat piece of shit here's the members of the Texas National Guard that got called up to Chicago I guess a day in fat news. Are you kidding me, man? Look at the size of these beefy fucks.

What is there, like, an Italian beef uprising or something that they need to quell? Yeah, they sent these, they sent their guys up from Texas to out-eat to take over the, what was the bears? The bears, what was that place they were at? The Bears. Oh. The Bears, remember that? Saturday Live. Yeah.

Can't I think of the name. The whereabouts and video taken to them in an Army Reserve train. training facility. What are they training? Exactly. Braws? Hey, we're here to test the man's ears. Look at these fucking fat pigs. Why? Why are army uniforms made in this size? This guy's fucking busting out of these, he's busting his buttons over here. Fucking buster buttons over here. Buster buttons, man. Look at this. And this is a fat piece of shit, but he looks potty. Positively demure next to this half a lump land whale fucking baby face fuck. This is a baby's face

This is a baby's fucking chin. I see this and I want to stick a wipe under there to clean up the To clean up the grime under his neck. You know you got to do that with a baby I want to do that with a full grown man. Can I I want to say honey tip his head back so I can clean up the grime under his fucking chin Disgusting And they matched mustaches look at this Look at this pig. Look at this fat piece of shit. Fellas.

Fellas, you've got to clean the shit up, man. Is this an extended shoulder thing for this AR-15? Is it a 14 or 15? I don't remember. 15, right? Yeah, okay. I haven't talked about guns since so long. Shit.

It's been a minute. It's been a minute. minute. I saw this cool box on Instagram obviously I didn't buy it. I don't know why I don't buy things for myself when no one else is operating under this premise and I'm just punishing myself. Well, you know,

I saw this Liberace poster back in the day that said no one will believe in you unless you believe in yourself and it's Liberace sitting in a bathtub and it's like rhinestone candle holders everywhere. That's what I need. I need my own Liberace room. But you know, every so often you should buy something for yourself

instead of, because no one's going to buy anything for you. They're just going to buy me books and socks and stuff. Sox is cool. I don't wear socks, though. That's right. So that's not cool. It's not cool.

Wear them on your hands. It was like a box where you press like a code with your fingers and then it opens for your gun. Or porn. It didn't say it had to be a gun in there, but whatever, it could be protected in there. You're like, boom, right in their fucking face. that's pretty cool yeah

uh okay reduction in force oh yeah this i thought was pretty funny let's see here this is a reduction in force is what it's called this is a um an article about this stupid shit doesn't matter fire fire everyone

but then this is okay this is up at the capitals is the u.s capital visitor center is closed due to a lapse in a so this is like such a regular this whole like shutdown thing paid vacation thing is so predictable that they have a like a printed design sign for it

that's that's so fucking annoying it's so annoying couldn't you just have like McDonald's doesn't when McDonald's Slurping machine breaks it's a handwritten even though that shit even though the flurry machine breaks

all the time they don't have a pre-made sign they should they should but it would give the wrong idea it would give people the idea that this is planned and they don't give a fuck and that's what I get when I

that's the feeling I get when I see this designed a printed sign from the government saying oh jokes on you know jokes on us because someone still got paid to get paid to fucking make that someone got paid to make the sign someone got paid to make the sign that nobody's nobody quote there's a

lack of funds, which means you guys are just not showing up. We all know that you're going to get paid. You lazy fucks. Everybody knows you brag about it. We all know it's happening. You're just choosing not to show up for some cute shit reason. Oh, they didn't sign the paper.

Why don't they just lock the door? Fucking liquidate them. Fucking liquidate them. Yeah. Yeah, what were you going to say? Why don't they just fucking lock the door? Bring it down then. Yeah. Why do you need to this whole fucking like, well, we need to make sure it's an official display. Like, yeah, I think a locked fucking front

door is a pretty official. The government didn't sign the thing. So I guess we're staying home today. We're not staying home. We're working. Even if we weren't getting paid, if your company's going out of business, you're still probably going to work because they're probably going to owe you some money and you need to push it across the finish line if you can. So many people busting their ass just trying to make a buck of these fucking cocksuckers are making cute signs that they're putting in the whatever. Newspapers, I almost said a bunch of slurs that I would never say on recording. It's so annoying, I hate every part of it.

If McDonald's had a flurry as broken sign that was professionally made, it would be annoying. Yeah. Somebody would say, don't do that. It makes it look bad. Write it out by hand because it makes it look like, this is a total surprise. Why did this, we were putting so much energy into this flurry machine. Yeah, it's so reliable that we've never needed. needed this.

Yeah. All right. Even though we know they're lying, it would have... We know they're lying. We've all... We've existed in this country for... But we know they're trying. At least we know they're trying.

They didn't give up. They didn't give up. Because the sign is handwritten. Mm-hmm. Usually in broken English. Please to be sorry. Please. The McFluriam machine broken.

Say reparata. Flory machine... Machino se rapadara. Reparada. Reparada. Reparada. McFleurio Serapadada. Usually, yeah.

See reparata. Pretty good Spanish. Yeah. The flurry is a who? Reparada. Reparada. It's all written a million times, too.

Reparada. It's usually written in the fake bill finder pen too. you know, it's like, I hate that I'm aware of that, but it's like, that's fucking weird yellow that's been messed up because of the bills. Just this weird, transparent fucking, and it's like, man, like, you really don't have a fucking pen in there. You don't have one pen.

You got to use the fucking counterfeit. They wrote it in a ballpoint, and then somebody said, you can't even see it, so they come back with the fake Bill one. I saw some stupid cocksucker saying, oh, test, because they've laid off some Department of Education people. Some test scores are really going to fall now. And then Vivek said some shit about, well, American test scores are like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's really, I don't know, they're both annoying in their own unique ways. Because the one is like, what do you think? what do you think that the

school is like a bunch of young women like going and being like a pretend mom for like 30 kids they've been doing that shit for thousands of years the government's not helping them out what do you think first of all have you ever tried to talk to a 25 year old woman and tell her how to do something that's not going to be fun for you

that's the older I've gotten the more I realized I'm like wait people let those bitches teach people Yeah. What the fuck? Now there's one or two. Don't get me wrong. There's one or two at every school who's a good mom who's doing a great job.

But they don't all have that fucking ability. Right. They don't. Most. Most. 95% of them do not. And it's so obvious that schools don't even pretend like this could be taught. They're like, yeah, well, we got the two good ones.

And then the rest are just kind of there. Yeah. It's kind of there. We try to stick them in a thing. that's like with their, you know... Man, this guy's an asshole. Stick him in the history department. Fuck them.

Not one thing you guys have come up with is helping them. Because there's no help for them. You can't help them do jack shit. And number two, if there was, you'd be telling parents about this shit. Hey, we taught, hey, we're the Department of Education. We figured out this great way for teachers

to teach fucked up math. Oh, wow. You should let the parents know. Why would we do that? Well, I don't know. you know because they're why didn't because they're around the kids all day

yeah so if you figured something out some way to help kids why don't you funny tell the parents well fuck parents like oh okay yeah there's a scam all right it's all a fucking scam yep two plus two is four did you figure something else out around that well yeah if you count with these cubes

and fucking yeah if you break the twos down to ones yeah and then it's and then that's a 1,1111 11 yeah And then you group those into units Then you have four of those ones Oh, that's great, man Training all those

Counting a fucking binary Yeah And then the Vivek shit It's like I'm thinking man I know it's been illegal To be racist For like 60 years

But Vivick Retard You understand that like Test scores suck Because of inner city shit Like do you not understand that do you really do you really in your indian fucking brain did you fucking not tech support did you not process the tech support of it's not because of american schools it's because of race every and

actually every race in america does better than the country that they're from a little bit in schools like if you busted out all the asian fucking schools in america they're doing better than asians back home if you busted out all the white people are doing a little bit better than white people If you busts out of all the Africans are doing a lot better than Africans at home. Like, are we, you're like, it's like a, it's, what you're saying is, what you're saying is an apocryphal. What you're saying is like, it's like from a time capsule. Like, well, you know, the test scores. And there's no fucking problem with test scores in America.

It's the best, the best system. We just got a, well, let's take a bunch of these whores that are not having kids or maybe they did. And they can't afford it because. of banks, and stick them in a fucking warehouse with these goddamn kids and let them do whatever they want. That's the best system. How do we make them better? You don't. Make them better parkers first. The key to making a great teacher is teaching how to park. Well, that's impossible. They're women. Dots getting connected finally. How do we fix our education system? Teach them how to park.

Well, we can't do that. We spent $11,000 trillion trying to teach them how to park, couldn't. Well, then, I don't know what to tell you. Yeah. But maybe people don't know that. Maybe Vivek doesn't know that. That guy's weird, man.

He's like a pod person. I hate him. The only way I would take his musings into consideration is if he was like, American test scores are like this. But Indian test scores are like this. I'd be like, ah. Yeah, yeah, that's right. That's right.

I would agree with him at that one. I'm like, okay. He got me there. What else do you have to say? That's true. This is very true. Very true, my friend. How come he's never, how come Vivick's always shitting on America?

But he's never like, why are they boiling their feet in India? Why are they frying foot? Why are they frying their feet and using that to heal your shingles? Man. Because that's fucking retarded. How come Vivick's never like that? I should bring you in a I talk about Mexico

Okay I'm not from Mexico But I'm Mexican So I'm talking about it Oh wow This is fucked the Mexico does this How come Vivick's never like Man it's fucking retarded

How India does all this shit It's fucking crazy how Indians Takeover companies And then outsource everything Wow that's that's fucked You mean to tell me This foot frying motherfucker is gonna take me Out of a job?

Friand motherfucker It's your ass You're on the hook for that shit now yeah your heels getting fried motherfucker your heels are in the friar I'm tired of hearing this shit well our education is no it's not

it's because the fucking who do you think is the reason why it's because everyone else is fine dick brain they hang it over our heads this fucking shirt man this shirt is great

it's cool I like that it has the upside down rainbow but the front is like weirdly like goes up I have to keep tugging it down it looks stupid someone tweeted at us that the thing that rolls up in your face

every time is a dicky oh it is a dicky yeah really okay so that's what you got going on over there I have a fucking dicky in a t-shirt is it really what does a dicky look like hopefully we're not on camera Dickie is the official wear for fat guys

Dickies should come out with that We are the official cackies of fat guys That's cool, yeah That would be cool Yeah, because So Oh yeah, okay That's it?

I thought that was a cravat Really? No, that's not the thing we're thinking of Dickie Moore Is that it? This guy? Cool guy, but no Maybe it is.

Fleece Dickie? No, because it's like that like the theater, like the opera cartoon thing. It goes all the way down. Yeah, and it's like a fucking... It's like a fake front. Right, it's to hide the fact that you're fat and all your fat creases are fucking getting in there.

So then it's like... Yeah. It's like a... It was like the original t-shirt. One of those wrist-band fucking things, yeah. Yeah, it is made... Or I think it's made of that. I don't know.

It seems like it would be. And then that's why it always fucking rolls up in your face. Did cartoons just invent that? I'm like, sure, that's a real thing that happened. And the opera a lot when people go like, oh! Yeah. Just like a... fucking like someone pulled on a curtain or something

that in quicksand i'm a hundred percent sure is real oh for sure you know jordan peterson you know that guy apparently he's dying because of something caused by mold he's like in critical condition because some kind of weird disease it's from fucking mold the clean your room

guy's dying from fucking mold you should have cleaned his room how about that it's always the people telling you how to live your life never follow their advice he's so busy sucking israel's dick he forgot to demold his room now he's dying mold shit is one of the most insane things because like they don't know how to deal with it so if you dude i know because i had a friend who was dying from it

and like mold yeah it was really fucked it was like a crazy thing what did he have i don't even know what the fuck but it was like basically black mold was like in his house like slowly creeping in and nothing you can do no and then he got sick and then because he was immunocompromised because he was i thought you were going to say because he was gay No

He was He was immunocompromised Well because he was like sick and stuff Then he had the flu And then like he got some other thing And then because of that the mold was able to like Get past his immune system And just like

Wreck him Fucked him Did he get into his rectum Wrecked him damn near killed him Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah we that's what we need is balloons and streamers and like a thing that you could pull a rope and just it all fucking makes a catastrophic mess everywhere that'd be awesome he said it it it's like the word of the day we should have a word of the day that would be good okay everybody buy a rug we gotta have a word of the day Got to have somehow, so I don't know what it is.

You have to pick it. Okay, I can do, yeah. Or maybe, yeah, because one of us has to know. Right. Fuck. That robot's name was conky, by the way. Not roboti. Oh, I see.

It's conky. I remember now. That makes sense. Did you know that the guy that made Reddit made this big post about how I sucks because his mom was illegal immigrant? so because of illegal immigration we have Reddit we could have got rid of we could have saved Reddit we could have averted Reddit

I kind of wish that's one of those things I wish I never knew yeah it sticks with you right because it's like man almost almost had it here's this fucking dick sucker as the son of an undocumented immigrant my mom overstayed an au pair visa for years before marrying my dad a US citizen

so your dad raped your mom because that's not like that's a power differential if she has if she needs to be married that's called rape it's deeply personal Reddit wouldn't exist if ICE had come for her bro

there has never been a better argument for yeah for getting for the for ICE enforcement and for the purpose of ice the purpose of illegal immigration

which is keeping out these fucking dickheads that Don't have American values and are corroding our beliefs and values from the inside more than Reddit. There's nothing more, no better proof than Reddit. Well, because guess for everyone who's been furloughed from the IRS is fucking posting all day, I know. The Fed thing on Reddit? Fucking, I guarantee it.

The fact that that even exists, everyone should be fucking fired. That's disgusting. I do think border security matters, but it shouldn't come at the cost of crushing lives. well then otherwise what is border security that's like what politics is though bro crushing lives it's like taking resources from me so i can't buy more rugs and giving them to liquecia downtown so she could buy more fucking lottery tickets so she could buy more barrels of chicken and sell them at the fucking eBT store that's politics taking my resources giving them to people who who don't didn't earn them and don't know what to do with them besides be retarded. Me? Life crushed. Yeah.

Laquisha? It's flourishing, thriving. The problem is, is being retarded is cool. I know, it's cool. It's cool, but it shouldn't come at the expense of... Wow, that really fucked my resources up, yeah. Path to Citizenship for Law Abiding. Oh, yeah.

A sensible amnesty legalization policy, like what Reagan offered in 1986. What the fuck do you know about Reagan or 196? Could strike a better bound Amnesty let everybody in Oh, whoops Give them all amnesty Fuck you This is like the most

Of course it's the most Reddit tier take From the guy who made Reddit Like ah Path to Citizenship for law abiding Hardworking Undocumented Immigrants And then he does two like arrow things What the fuck was that?

Like After background checks, waiting periods And meeting clear standards What clear standards? All everything like everything that people think all their plans are just totally retarded. It's all buzzwords.

It's like here's what I want. Okay, what's your plan? It's just like linking together like a bunch of kind of nebulous concepts that I learned in retard school. They don't actually work. Has he spent any time in jail? It sounds like

like when you're in jail and have too much time to think to yourself? Yeah. All right. Fuck you. Fuck Reddit. Fuck Reddit. Fucking idiot.

Fucking idiot, man. Fuck that motherfucker. Okay. Oh, yeah, stickers in church. All right, this one's kind of funny. This one's more of a lighter note. All right. Hopefully she's forgotten about the rug by now.

Has it safe to walk out? Stickers in church. Where is this? Oh, up more Upmore Stickers Yep, there it is Okay

People are pissed about this one I think it's funny The Canterbury The Canterbury Cathedral Is English church 1500 years old I'm not reading it the way Lives of TikTok typed it

was used as an art exhibit by, oh, LGBTIQ activist to promote inclusivity and representation. The artist, Alex Poet, self-identifies as a queer vegan. Many worshippers, oh, okay. So this is what this guy did? He took, no, it's actually funny, though, he took, he took this church. Is there any sound? Yeah. Okay.

Okay, so there's this church, the Canterbury Cathedral, old-ass church, right? 1,500 years old. And he put all these, like, ebonics stickers all over it, saying it's graffiti. This looks like a modern, like a cookie establishment or something. But it's all written like, it's written like ghetto kind of ghetto graffiti, but also like a fresh prince of Bel Air. style graffiti? Yeah, it's an art department graffiti. Yeah. God! Like, God! What happens

when we die? Like, question mark. It doesn't look like graffiti at all. It looks like a sticker. Yeah, it looks like a deed for speed asset. Yeah. Here it is. It really looks like shit. Are you there?

If you... What does that say? I can't really read it. And it's written like... It's written in proper grammar, so it's extra jarring. Like, the juxtaposition of graffiti styling without, like, you know, shitty grammar, retarded grammar. Proper grammar. And also a sticker. It's like reading a technical manual with, like, shit visuals.

It looks like something your teacher would put up for, like, George Floyd Day. Like, Juneteenth, you know? Yeah. I've decorated the classroom with graffiti. Yeah, and it's still like excerpts from the Declaration of Independence, but just in graffiti font. Yeah, we to people. Like, okay.

No, it still says we the people. We the people. It's like, in odour to prefer the perfect union. Let me see if I can find any more examples. But they're all pissed off about it because they're just pissed off about everything. You know, because they don't believe in God. That's why. Because if there was a God, that's a shit and wouldn't matter.

God. They took a bunch of stickers up in your church. I don't give a shit about that at all, actually. God should be like, I didn't make that. Oh, God. God. They put stickers in this building. Were any kids raped in that building?

Ah, I think so. Right. That's the fucking... Not lately. No. Kind of... I'm kind of beyond time, so it's all happening once. I got bad news for you.

Stickers is the least. Like, if you look over the... And you look over there, for you, that shit's happening at the same time, because you have three dimensions. I'm a 11th dimensional being. So if I look backwards forwards, this is all happening at the same time. I don't know if you can put that in a sticker, put on the wall, explain that, you fucking moron. Stacking a bunch of rocks isn't really important to me. Does the concept of God coming down to explain this, like, so fed up?

Like, listen, you dumb piece of shit. Listen, you fucking idiots, it's a fucking rebuilding. I don't give a fuck about this building. Shit! You've sinned about a thousand times since Ted is that you woke up! You dickhead! You know, if one person comes to this church because of the stickers, it's actually really good.

You know how fucking hard it is to get people to stop sinning? It's really fucking hard! I can't even do it, and I'm God! I like the notion that God even struggles to not spend a hundred bucks every day. I have spent a hundred bucks getting down here. It's just so It's so fucking stupid Well I guess it's

Lips of TikTok So maybe Christians aren't upset Because you know Well it's just like It's silly Because it's good promo for the church Like we can all laugh at how shitty This guy's art is

Yeah it's funny it's funny It's like look at this fucking jackass Trying to do black Like trying to make black graffiti in church What a fucking queer Right That's I mean he is actually identifies. He identifies, not as a pejorative.

Correct. Because I think it's cool. Well, it's like whenever you see like European hip hop, it's like, here's a French rap group and it's like a bunch of like it's like a bunch of dudes and like Adidas tracksuits. And it's like technically like

Niger, what is going on. Right. It's like all the elements might technically be there, but that has nothing to do with anything like there's no similar. The four elements of hip, the four pillars of hip hop are not being represented what are those the graffiti

emcee DJing and B-boying oh that's cool you have to embody all four pillars of hip-hop laughing horrific shame on you give me a fucking break dude I'm telling you some people some people find you know like

your Catholic church you know there's the samurai bushito code there's all this yeah but the four pillars of hip-hop It always remain true, man. Let me write those down. What were they again? Graffiti. Okay.

MCing. MCing, okay. B-boying? B-boying? Yeah. What's that? Like break-dancing? Oh, yeah.

Okay, break-dancing and a DJing. Damn, that's cool. You've got to do all four, man. Yeah. You have to embody them. You have to embody off. See, and then if you're from the East Coast, it's like you get GTL. You get Jim, tan, and laundry.

like a total guido. Right. But these are these are these Western philosophies. Yeah. That's what they should be doing. Right. They got to have breakdance night. Four pillars of hip-hop night.

That's what I'm saying. There's pillars in this church. Why are not embodied? Why not have some pillars? Metaphorical as well. I was going to say, why not the physical pillars instead of just the metaphoric pillars of hip-hop in our hearts, you know? Yeah.

Fucking assholes. God, what happens when we die? Man, that's kind of like a... That's kind of a... I reject that as the premise of church. Shouldn't it be asking how to live? Yes. God, how should I live?

Now, what happens when I die? That's not... It doesn't matter what happens when you die, yeah. You fucked up every part of this. You fucked up the execution, and you fucked up the idea. You know what's fucked up is, what if God was like, here's what happens when you die, like technology is finally going to get a little bit faster

like things are going to work like it's going to show you you're going to see how good life could have been forever why would you ever want to ask that question of what happens when you die you don't want to see how good life you don't want to see the earth get better without you you know yeah so to the fucking like oh well here's what am i going to go to heaven and have like an iPhone 100

I can't just jump you can't just jump forward that many versions right do you think fucking David and Goliath are in heaven with iPhone hundreds? Like, at what point, like, or is it like vampire? You're just like a big, a light guy, blah, wah, y, y, y'i, y'i, y'i, y' got all those wings coming out. That doesn't look fun. Yeah, that doesn't look fun.

It's fucking stupid. But what if it is vampire rules, though? Whatever you die as, you're just, like, in heaven as like. Like Star Wars? Oh, yeah, Vampires rules. Yeah. Yeah. That would suck.

Oh, man. I would like to go back 10 years and die then. Yeah. I was like shit now. Oh, man. Fucking Google. photos showing me I'm organizing all the pictures

I was looking through all the pictures for my son trying to figure out trying to figure out how to sync our photo albums so they auto upload oh that's a nightmare I clicked it and followed the instructions and I just you know left and my wife's like why isn't it updating like well I don't know you got to probably wait it's a lot of data a lot of fun she's in the bathroom like are you fucking

are you trying to speed up the Google photo processing in there because it's not going to work leave me alone G. I thought you said you liked this rug. I could have swore I heard a rug comment from another room. I don't know, Peg. I thought when you said, Rug, you were talking about our marriage.

I thought you were talking about another crypto scam. What was I talking about? I don't know. Let's do... All I want to do is Fat Watch. Oh, let's read some comments. Yeah, I got Fat Watch and BrainRot for you. I didn't get to any of my topics.

Willie Dingez says, Jihad, the Pokemon, saying his own name, he attacks. I love it. That guy. Yeah. Jihad! Shot up a mosque. Or a synagogue? Mm-hmm.

No, that's cool. I don't know, one of those two. That he, you know, shouted to. his name beforehand. Jihad! Yeah. That's probably confusing when you're in a terrorist attack

and your name's Jihad. Yeah. Jihad, what? You're, aw! Not you! Just saying Jihad, right? It's like a who's on first. Like, your name was let's fucking go.

Let's fucking go! What? I'm saying, let's kill the Jews. Yeah, you know, like... Let's get them. What? That's when half your... No, let's get them, like, let's get those guys.

Oh, okay, not me. Jihad, what? No, I was saying, what do you want? Let's get him. Oh, no, jihad. I was saying, let's kill the Jews. Jihad and Costello. And then there's a guy named the Jews.

He's like, what? Kill me. Why? It's like a... Abbott and jihad. Yeah. Yeah. Abbott and Elvis Costello.

Buzzy, buzz. I'll be back when he goes to kindergarten. Good one, Dick. Thanks. David Guetta. You were thinking of David Gwetta. Gwetta doing a tribute to George Floyd that remix the I Have a Dream speech

That's even crazier Yeah, I was thinking about that I like the Baker Matt one Yeah, the Baker Matt one was good I was thinking about Baker Matt But I was referencing David Gwettas I heard that at Burning Man

The Baker Matt one Me and my man We were like just you know Dancing and hanging out It was like 2 o'clock Bringing fucking way I guess I'll never get to do that again. Yeah.

Gone are the days, man. We talked about kids camp at Burning Man, right? Oh. We haven't? No. Oh, dude. Burning Man has, that's shaped like a clock. And a whole hour of the clock is called Kids Town.

And all the parents bring their kids. The parents who bring kids all stay in Kids Camp, Kids Town. And it's like, it's like, it's like, fucking Peter Pan. It's like Neverland for these kids. They go around and packs fucking up everything. Because all it is is like arts and crafts and toys. It's like a gigantic summer camp where there's no rules.

Like you can fuck up. They're having, I've never seen kids on a tear. Like I've seen running around. Yeah! Like running around going fucking crazy. Holy shit. It seems like a lot of fun for them anyway. We were at, we were at,

some, you know, going around doing Burning Man stuff, doing Jagu's Dancing, and the Martin Luther King, Baker Mats, Martin Luther King remix came on. And we're like, there's a gigantic party going on in District. And we're like, wait a minute, this is, we got to go. Yeah. This is too much. It's a bit much. This is a bit much.

I got to get out of here. But it's a cool remix. Mothman says, Schizochshan interrupted my song. Chris Peterson says that MLK thing is one of the funniest and most tasteless bits. I've ever heard in a while Thanks Foxy Himbos is laughing my dick off At the episode this week

At the French R Because I posted this a month ago Well, good for you Hell yeah, good for you man Send me that stuff directly Stoy says Might be good content for Sunday From a fellow IT engineer

What do you got? Stoy Doi da'i. De, dee, dee, dae. Breaking. Oh, the new, the head of FedEx. The new CEO of FedEx is an Indian. He's cooking the books.

He was married. He's married to an Accenture exec. Ugh. It's just, it's, where it is that he's exclusively funneled all IT contracts through Accenture. Yeah, we got it. We got to stop the Indian takeover and export of every fucking job in the country,

every laptop job, every white-collar job. Total shutdown, total end of all exported jobs. It's easy to do, but we're going to need a new president for it. We're going to need either Vance or some kind of liberal, like, super Hitler. is going to have to come in and say, uh,

the tax for offshoring is a hundred thousand dollars a job. A day. Yeah. A day. So higher American or else, um, we'll kill you. Uh, easy to do.

Mm-hmm. But someone's going to have to do it. Do to do. Do to do. Jesus says Brett, uh, Brett heart problems. I remember Brett to hit me in heart problems. that was my wrestler for wrestling fat latinas

Brett Hart problems I'm going to join ice I have one condition I can wear this costume I'm Brett to hit man heart problems and I will put them in a figure fat leg lock That's my signature move I gripped their bellies Like the figure four leglock

But it's their stomachs And then I fucking suplex them into the ice fan Man, I'm rearing for Fat Watch now I work their fats into a Into a leg lock Into a figure four I worked their stomach And they're like

It's like that British clay pot making show What? Have you seen that? No, what's not? It's like the baking show But they with clay And then they're like who Make it like a make dishware But that's what I imagine you

Got this fat bitch on a spinning wheel trying to rest wrangle all that dough but yeah I put that fat bitch pottery spinning wheel and I spin it around ugh uh... You gotta keep your hands moist

so they don't ignite dip them in the grease yeah oh Jesus um fruit by the mile Kurt Litticoat fruit by the mile

was a Sean Level Zinger. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was laughing at Fruit by the Mile all week. This was a good one. Fee the Mile. Because we have Fruit by the Futs. Oh, you too. So every time I open the cover, I go, Fruit by the Mile.

That was a good one. Hypercuse's playlist. Hey, Dick. I listened to your last episode where you said a doctor prescribed listening to a playlist of your favorite songs at full volume to fix your hearing pain. I was in stitches

picturing the scene you described of blasting Baker Street while a little Donald was silently crying could I please know what the complete playlist was I'd love to recreate it

as an inside joke for myself It is longtime fan and patron supporter David Thank you very much If I had to guess it's just Baker Street but 20 versions of it

on one playlist I don't want to sell you the original by playing remixes No not even remix is just the same one duplicated 20 times It gets 90% of the place

I think it's Baker Street I could check I can probably name them It's Baker Street Don't Stop Me Now Is that that Queen's song? Good one, yeah

Don't stop me now Long Way Home Super Tramp Do you want to Do you want to taste That one? Cool one Do you want to taste

Um I gotta look I don't remember what the last one was I think the rest was just like a bunch of Eka Mouse songs right I didn't put death clock on because it's like mixed differently oh yeah

so I couldn't do it library hypercus Jessica yeah Jessica and where is my mind and where is my mind great songs

Good songs. I figured if I'm going to go deaf, you know, to songs. Why not make it a good one? That's true. Oh, hey Dick, don't read my name. I train dogs for a meager living and would like to weigh in on the Hassan Piker kerfuffle for the show. Do you see Hassan Piker shocked his dog? Yeah.

What an asshole. That's... the yeah basically it's just what a fucking asshole we all know you shock the dog total piece of shit fucking dirty fuck

women will let like if a guy's good looking they'll just let him do anything yeah yeah he beat he killed the dog like oh well you know well he just pulled its tail it's not like you know insane

the dog moved supposed to sit in the back there yeah don't you watch his streams part of my like dior trauma that is me. Yeah, everyone involved. Sickos. He clearly shocked his dog for getting off the bed

and I'm here to defend it. Uh-oh. You want to watch it? I don't know. I'd rather get to fat watching Johnny. I was going to take too long, man. We got some fun. All this fat shit got me. We got some good stuff.

Itching for the great. He's retarded for doing it on stream. However, in dog training, real training, not the positive only scam, this is a standard response for their dog breaking a command before giving them permission to end it. Yeah, but he's not a professional dog trainer.

He's like a fucking retard. Right. Like, I think professional dog trainers can adopt a pit bull from the pound, but when a woman does it, I think it's fucking retarded, and she has no business doing it. There's a big difference between

somebody who knows what they're doing, doing something, and somebody who has no fucking idea about anything, has no connection to this moment other than it's something they wanted to have happened and taking the expert logic and applying it to that.

I have a big problem with. It's two totally different people doing the exact same thing. One is fine and it's right that they did it and the other guy doing it is a fucking jackass and he should be put in jail or under it. That's my policy.

I did the same thing as that guy go, well, you're a different guy. So when you did it, it was fucked. So you're going to jail. That's... Fuck them. Fuck you. This is a standard response

for their dog breaking a command before giving them permission to end it. Yeah. What we do is teach dogs to go stay on their bed. Once they understand that we enforce it with pressure,

you need some sort of aversive pressure to enforce commands. I don't really know that's... Eventually your dog will want to eat the chocolate you dropped on the floor

more than it wants to stay on its bed for a treat. The point is to tell your dog that what to do rather than what not to do, dogs don't understand gray areas. No, they do. I know they do because my dog will look, she's not supposed to get on the couch, she'll look at me and go, well, I'm going to get on the couch. They understand the gray area.

They just still do the dog thing. Yeah. Dogs don't understand gray areas. They absolutely do. but you cut them any slack on the enforcement all previous training becomes useless and they're back to doing all the naughty stuff you try to stop there's no there's no training going on at hasan's house

there is hasan crying about capitalism enforcement yeah yeah um it's just random enforcement it's random enforcement of arbitrary rules that are totally detached from the professional uh trainer slash therapist that hasan hires to come in and deal with his dog Totally different guy Totally different expectation The point is

Oh yeah, okay My aggressive chihuahua stays on his bed For eight hours at my job Well, a little dog Doesn't need to move around Yeah Big dog's like

Got to stretch out man Big dog's got to Walk around man Got to stretch them legs Got to stretch some legs Man come on man You never saw Big dogs

Gotta get up and fucking play poker and pull it. Big dog's got to get up straight around. Big dog's got to walk, man. Big dog's got to smoke cigars with the fucking homies, man. Big dog got to take it out. You remember those big dog's shirts? Oh, hell yeah. Man. What kind of dog was that? I don't know, but now I just, if anyone finds a big dog's shirts, an XL, mail them in. Uh, big dog and big Johnson shirts should have a crossover. That would be cool. like Flintstone's and the Jetsons but for shirts. Big dog Johnson? Fucking red shirts.

That would be it would be called, it would go big dick motherfucker and it would be the big Johnson guy and the big dog guy. I feel like that shirt exists in Japan because that's like just enough just incorrect enough.

Yeah. You can hear him screaming it right? Big dick motherfucker. You're big dicky motherfucker. You may... Yeah. Cool. You're cool.

Like, oh shit. All right. Cool. Where'd you get that shirt, Unk? Japan. Tokyo. My aggressive Chihuahua stays in his bed for eight hours in my job. What's your job?

Training. Penis Inspector. Chihuahua penis inspector. And it's not a big deal. Chihuahuas aren't even a dog. They're like a... They're like, ah! They're all fucked up.

What are you talking? about oh that's not a dog totally different it's a walking medical bill it keeps him from trying to kill all the other dogs that come in this guy's a dog trainer he's got a killer dog he's training how to kill lastly your dog is fat my dog is not fat my dog is a normal size now because I've put her on a diet for like six months but no one will say it now it's just so funny to say the dog is fat look I'll show you how not fat and she just sits slumpy she sits in a

slumpy way sits like a goddamn tombstone she sits like that because she's lazy let me let me find a picture of my dog I know that she's not fat anymore the vet said she wasn't fat and the vet was fat so I know it's true

she looks fine not fat at all see normal size It's a normal size dog Don't worry about the yarmica she's wearing What about the rug in the corner This is the one that we replaced So this is my

This is the rug that I got Right Because I got sick of hearing about rug So I just said here I'm buying this one And it's obviously sex looks stupid But then this rug is an old one I liked that one Yeah but it's all messy

and gross. That's the point of a rug, man. So we gotta get a new one. This rug was not like washable, which we have two washable rugs. I haven't washed either one of them. So I don't know what the fucking point to washable rug system is.

Anything can fucking be washable if you put your mind to it. That doesn't mean it's like a convenient or like worthwhile experience. Like anything could be a smoke machine if you use it wrong enough. This is not a fat dog.

She's not fat. see not fat look i'm drawing the going to the stomach not fat at all normal dog size just showing support for our greatest ally right where did she get the trump yarmica you might ask I was at... Where did it come from, Johnny? This came from the... Yes.

The Republican Jewish Coalition. What's that? I have no idea. I have no idea how I acquired this. Yeah. But I did. Yeah. And I figure in the name of bringing cursed relics into the show.

Or perhaps at this point, it's now a blessed. relic so what is uh does juice have a word for cursed i know it's i know a divvick is something a vivic a divvick oh i learned that from a serious man the movie

oh sye abelbin yeah that was a good ass movie that's a great movie just i knew as good as watching i was like oh people this people are going to hate this movie this that movie man is one of the funniest fucking i know

that movie's sick But it's... Yeah. And as soon as he takes the bribe, giant tornado. Yeah. Absolute... Man. That's so funny.

It's one of those movies where, like, death is the best part of it. Yeah. Because then you're finally free. Yeah. I love that. That actor was all over everything for a little bit, too. He was in Boardwalk Empire. Yeah.

And then he was in that movie, and then he was, like, gone. Fucking, a serious man is one of my favorite movies, probably. it's great she was barely well like she wasn't even cold this fucking stupid motherfucker is having an attacking

chihuahua dog saying my dog's fat but she's obviously not fat he's just repeating Reddit lies this guy is on furlough right now yeah um

all right it's time oh shit it's time today in fat news da da da da da da da da the time is nigh oh man the time has arrived the microwave counter in my mind for when this bowl of instant noodles is going to be done is like oh is it at one okay rhinestone cowboy sends

this in cool and uh he found it this the Seattle fat mall you found this no he found this no he found it. I've been sitting on this one for a while. Bro. Or unless I'd already brought, I can't remember. What? What is this? The person who sent this to you wants you to go

to the Seattle Fat Mall with you. Yeah, so it's a whole mall in Seattle. Dedicated to these fat fucking whales, man. Why did they show a black guy? It's okay, so it's a woman doing fat angels on the carpet. Where else is he supposed to take his girlfriend? Yeah. There's a pink elephant.

That's supposed to mean drinking, not being fat, fucking fat bimbos. I just thought that was another one of their customers for a second. It was their mom. It's their mom. It's a tusk. The paint is tusk. Uh, okay. It's hard to tell what these shops are.

Is it a mall for fat women? Well, it's like, I think. it's a couple businesses that went out of or like couple empty buildings that they took over and turned it into like

I think it's in a larger mall I haven't done my research yet because they don't know what to do with like mall space right so they're turning it into like fetish like hyper inclusive wow

but yeah this has been on my radar for a minute cupcakes and sprinkles and this fucking fat bitch is wearing a COVID mask The thing that's going to kill her is not already in her.

Yeah. I've got to be really careful for this COVID stuff, man. It's dangerous out there. Yeah. Surely that'll protect from any pulmonary or cardiac. Fucking diseases. Jesus. Oh my God.

There's some kind of a cow mask. This bitch is wearing a leather bondage gear. I just think the pentagram thing is so funny. It's like, do you think Satan? like appears and it's like ah damn it like not another one like gee ah you can't say Jesus Christ

can't you like straighten up couldn't hit the gym before you tried to summon like this like demon being in need of a besty day it says bring your best babes down to Seattle Fat Mall for the shopping experience of your dreams with over 3,000 square feet

of customers Wow, that's weird Right And that's just the first five Yeah With over 3,000 square feet Of fat fashion Art, gifts and more

You're sure to find all the goodies Your hearts can desire Right your stomach Well that's what is so funny It's like they know Everyone who's So every fat article That's come in like

You know She's really eating her words on it And it's like Why is so there's a there's a black guy why is the black guy there did they put a fucking black guy there and like titillate you like look we got black guys too at the fat mall well he he was he's an early adopter right he was like wait a second he built it well oh oh shit how else hey i'm thomas blackman i built the fat i built the fat mall so you big fat white women

could come and shop your hearts out all day his name is jeff i I don't know if we talked about this. I know with the recent the Benjamin's bit but I heard somewhere a long time ago that the blackest possible name you could have

would be Jefferson Jefferson Okay Like first name Jefferson Last name Jefferson And that stuck with me But when you said Thomas Blackman right now It was like wait a second

Is that Jefferson Jefferson? I'm trying to pause it on the black guy Yeah there, okay Well someone has to know How to fix things around there Look he does work there yeah he did he did make it dude that's

he's in his he's in hog heaven right now he wakes up every day he's going to work ah he's fucking he's over here on wood ranch just fucking pounding him off

to moving on up to the side a deluxe up off it deluxe bat mall in the sky moving on up to 7XL Holy shit Man I wish that malls

Had like stuff you could screw into the wall and stuff while you're there Like look he's screwing something into the wall I don't even know what it is but that would be great I like the concept of a whole themed mall Like a like fat mall Like oh we don't go to like the Seattle fat mall We actually go to like The retarded mall

Yeah Retard Mall has way better deals Like trust me You would not be Some of their deals are retarded Yeah. Deal's so low. They're fucking retarded. You wouldn't believe what I got for five bent paperclips the other day.

Wow. All right. They have an Instagram account? Yeah. It's a whole... The world's only plus-sized mall. Not from what I can see. No.

There's a lot. Every mall. Every mall. Yeah. Glendale Galleria, also a fat mall. Jesus. Fat ghouls. Fat ghouls.

Halloween party. Should say Halloween farty. and cost of contest Fart ghouls Prices from Chub Rub Ew Is that who is Screwing things into the wall

Was Chub Rub? Is that his name Chub Rub? His fucking porno name Arrest everybody involved My mall name is Chubb Oh, you're right Chubbub clothing Ew

Ew Every time I wear these chub-rub shorts, I always chafe. Prizes from chub-rub, curvy cactus, honey-pots closet, heavy-duty vintage. That's the best one. The guy who made heavy-duty vintage actually hates fat women. But he's really good at finding vintage deals. How come all I get is Bowser cufflinks in your heavy-duty store? Well, you fat bitch.

He's a guy that hates fat women so much. he created a fat vintage store and he like is so he's aggressively fat positive like you're fucking fat in every receipt it's like him going hey shop at heavy duty vintage you fat fuck yeah big fat bitch in a good and it says in parentheses in a good way in a good way yeah yeah that is have a heart attack in a good way because if you're having so much fun you fat whore but that's what he says on his stuff God damn Special surprises

Flesh tattoos Of flash tattoos By Tony PNW Wow Mimi's creation shop Pop-up I like that it says Come hang with the fatties

Come slop around in shit In mud And pig shit With all the other fats out In a good way If it said that I would fucking I'd book a ticket

It's so fucking fast. Slop around with a pig shit with a bunch of fat slop around in the pig shit you fucking hand-planet. God damn. I gotta see that, yeah.

Tubby bitch. Jesus Christ. Fat babes make the best costumes because we know how to build a look with the least resources. Yeah. They know how to build, yeah. Build a body

instead of fucking build a bear. So she's saying that because they're also fat with the least resources? Yeah, if you roll her and dirt, you can look like Graveller. Saturday, November 1st. I mean, what's... Coming out, dude.

What's a great day for a Halloween party? November 1st. That's... I love celebrating Christmas on December 26th. Looking at it all wrong. Because what goes immediately for like... Free candy. It's like 80% off the next day. Uh-huh.

So you know it's a candy fucking... Orgy. Guzzle fest of fucking... All-out. Just even seeing these, I'm like, yep, this is... What's happening at Seattle Fat Mall? Not erections. I can tell you that.

Bariatric procedures? Not enough. Not enough activity at Seattle Fat Mall, actually. I'm sure of that. We've got a Charlie's Angels, an orange-haired woman, a black woman and a green-haired goth-looking fat cell

strutting at the fat mall with their powers combined they form Captain Ham planet and it's a skinny and it's a skittie black guy

it yo bitches what's up it's kind of hand-flaving yes right it would crush velvet suit. Shush.

Shish. Shish. Uh. Dood. Doodoo doodoo. Hey, I can't have it. Shut up, baby. I know it.

Can't behave it. You're so cool. Shut up, baby. I know it. Diamond sunglasses. Slaving people around. Fuck. Yeah.

Slaving CrossFit guys around. Whap, wop, wop. And he only lasts as long as you need him. Then we're like, thanks, Kathy. And you turn and try to look for him and he's already gone.

Shut up. Bitch, I'm gone. bitch I'm out for cigarettes And he goes like Pio phew shoots off That's cool That I remember that guy Yeah

I remember that cartoon Yeah Hannah Barbera canceled it really quick But Oh man Can you imagine how cool and fun The world would be if like Everyone wasn't just such a Fucking lose

Such a piece of shit I can't say the F slur Such a fucking Pain in the ass God, like all the celebrities that were pushing that to make Captain Planet a thing can't you guys just do something cool for once? Dude.

Little Fat... Minora team was great. Remember that? Yeah. That was great. Dude, Fat Watch throwback to Bridget and her diet jumbo cards, man. That was cool, too. She was having fun just being like, hell yeah, I'm a fat bitch.

And it's like, man. Like, you know, I... There's something about being a... able to enjoy like Crapulence Yeah like look

I'm a fat piece of shit Like check it out Like it's like Okay cool Like you You embrace it Why is this bitch

Taking these Oh she's got Different pants and skirts On They all look bad Those are all the Those are all the

Those are all the Little forming tubes You use When you're making Bridge columns And you fill them With concrete Cement

Yeah She goes to Semex I'll take one of these concrete forms please You got any with a 12 foot diameter You want a cement truck tube? No, no thanks

I'm wearing these Rebar? No, I'm good My ACL's already torn Do you have a little Indian man Driving you around That's no name That's no name given

He's my pal That's no name Gupta He's my That's the homie This is like me When I try on basketball shorts oh yeah cool yeah oh yeah this looks different than the other one

I love that it's not like a real A-B test either because she's doing different poses like you can't you can't add an extra variable in if you're trying to do it why don't people look at the lens of the camera in the mirror why are they always looking at the phone look at the look at the fucking lens

in a mirror so you look like a human being not like a voyeur of yourself. Look like a person. P-O-V. I'm trying on different fucking denim-retarded things. Where are you taking a picture of it then? Why are you taking a picture if you're just looking at the fucking phone? Look at the fucking lens.

Look at the lens of your camera and a goddamn mirror! POV, you're this lady's phone. Person of volume? pig of volume uh pastels or velvita person of velvita pig of velvita pig on velvita planet

pork oysters and uh and velvita yeah and vealvita and veal pork pork pork Yeah, pork or veal

Pork reveal P-O-V pork reveal P-O-V pork reveal Fuck Weekday Workday What the fuck you're talking about These are for normal size women

Who are these for them Maybe they're kids, I don't know Oh god Fucking jump scare warning at least Jesus What's going on with her hair Tie-dye Shit, tie-died

oh man you just reminded me of something i brought in we'll say that man we should have started with the shit no it's okay keep going i didn't know about the seattle fat mall at all well that's why i was i was keeping it under i was going to save it for the 29th but under tarps yeah i had to

oh we got okay we got to bring this up on weight watchers three all right all right i pulled a burbank and put it under tarps like we're back in world war two yeah okay No more fat. No more fat mall. Not yet. All right. Let's do your thing. Well, I do have some fat shit in there, too. Let's do your fat one. If you want to continue some fat shit. And then we have some supreme... You know what? I'm going to go up there and I'm going to mess up the rug so she can't return it. I'm going to spill something on it.

Throw up on it. I'm going to throw up on it. Be like, well, you know, you're always supposed to ding your own car. You've got to smash the champagne on your own boat. I'm going to throw up on my own rug. Yeah. okay what am i looking at for you oh man okay okay so okay so for super fat watch two tubbo edition um i figured you might like that um so this is a message it's everyone in street fighter who being fat yes i'm fighting and e honda is the same size which makes it yeah everyone's as fat as him yeah actually what they do is they copy and paste everyone's uh head sprite

on to e honda um even dalcum as like a fat and they make it black Yeah they color swap So okay Since we're talking about His arms are even more stretchy Yeah this is like a stretch Dough strong

Man that was such a great time in the 90s When you said India you think like oh yeah Like the yoga And they're breathing fire and stuff That's cool and now you're thinking like gross shit in the street Eastern mysticism and all this like Whoa I could be possibly enlightened I mean look what it did for the Beatles

It made their music much worse And now And now we have proof That yes, going to India Is only a detriment To anything you're doing Yeah It's crazy

Okay So Spins were talking about And that was a Japanese That was a Japanese that did that Yeah Much restraint Much restraint That's a character

That's a country of Or a civil That's like the most racist They could be Street Fighter 2 Turbo Yeah They were even pissed About E Honda

They were like You guys are Japanese Knees. Why are you misrepresenting this fucking sumo guy? Like, what the fuck? He was dope. He was dope. Still dope. Flying across the... You're kidding, a hundred fucking palm slaps to your fucking face? Yeah. Okay. That's crazy. Okay, so in the spirit of video games, here's a message from the squash from plants versus zombies. Bro. Bro. Why is her neck like that?

Well... Her neck is as long as her head. It's like a, like a skin beard. Bro, it's like Santa Claus, but the skin-colored beard. This looks fucking disgusting. She's got that big mass, big, big mouth bass. The frown, yeah. Well, it gets even better, Dick, if you want to hit play.

Okay. Something they didn't warn you about with bariatric surgery. I'll go first. Bleeding from your butt. Oh. You mean this fat? type of shit is bleeding from her ass now, too? Hey, so what's one thing

they didn't warn you about? Can you, like, why does she, can you drill a new septum in there, please? Yeah. While you're sucking all the fat out of her ass? That's what, like, the... Do a total reconstruction, man. You can't be in a hospital complaining about

what a fat piece of shit you are, and it's like, bro, you're like, what? Yeah, they, they stapled your entire They removed like 90% of your stomach. What do you mean bleeding out your ass as a surprise? Did you not think that would be part of it? Yeah. Yeah.

You're going to have some bowel issues. It's astonishing the level of fat brain. Why am I bleeding on my ass? I haven't had fucking Chipotle in a week. Yeah, it's not like that. I'm real, oh, I'm, I'm, I really believe that you're, this is the first time you're surprised of something coming out of your ass. yes that's not supposed to be there can you believe these doctors made me bleed out of my ass

Tinker toys that's not supposed to be coming out of my ass A total A total skeleton of a raccoon That's not supposed to be coming out of my ass Now if it was a medical skeleton that would be a funny It's like okay maybe the doctor did fuck that up The plastic the plastic clamshell wrapper thing that they put rotissory chickens in at the Ralph's that's not supposed to be coming out of my

Like yeah right With all the bones in it too and the whole chicken there too because I forgot to take it out of the clamshell thing that's not supposed to be coming out of my ass. Yeah, right. Yeah, well that's the thing is she's alluding to it being like, can you believe the doctors made me do this? They didn't tell me blood would be coming out of my

ass. Yeah, it's like, bitch there shouldn't even even been things going in your mouth. And they probably did. Yeah. Probably like, you know, rectal bleeding is going to be a big problem because we're going out of a half your stomach. They have to. They have to. I think they legally have to be like, hey, here's any possible thing

that could go wrong. But Yeah, so anyway, that's a short message from... My own arm! That's not supposed to be coming out of my ass. Oh, a hamburger! The oroboress of just like a fat fucking... So, yeah, that's our first clip. And if you thought...

I could probably do what's coming out of my ass for probably like two hours before I got sick of that. Yeah. That's... Fucking... I can do... What a disgusting face. Yeah, everything about her. is repulsive.

Height and weight or heaviest weight, 675 current weight, 5.30. Oh. What's wrong with being? What's... Before I became a baddie,

bro, she has a fucking gizzard. She's talking about baddie as in like a Donkey Kong country enemy. Not like a bad bitch. Yeah, like the bushwhackers. She's the guy

when you stomp on her head she turns right and runs around really fast. Yeah. Wrong with being what's wrong with being confident? Why don't she have leather gloves on?

Wait, that was the glow up? There was something that transpired there? Well, because see, now she's like... Okay, this is shitty. Yeah, that's shitty. I'm trying to remember... This is like when you see those two pictures and it says find the differences in the dentist?

Highlights magazine? Is this a real baby or a dead one? Or a real baby or a fake baby that I'm performing dental work on? That bitch was nuts, man. Oh, her account gets even better, but yeah. What's wrong? what is changed nothing that's why she goes oh wait i've always so it's supposed to be like a look at how

confident i am are you sure what's wrong with being oh yeah i think you're right john goodman got stretched through a black hole it's chungus his mom bigger chungus chung goose chung goose Yeah, isn't Weight loss surgery So my post submitted out of the Weight loss and bariatric community A lot of people commenting Need to look up what weight loss surgery is

And realize that my chin's not going away Just because of one surgery I have a lot of weight still to lose And it's going to take time And I'm happy And if you want to comment Go ahead and comment happy people usually make videos about how happy you're gonna die why don't you look up something about your surgery they all die because they can't fucking do it yeah fucking heart failure like having a meth removal surgery yeah we removed all the meth from your body okay so am i cure now no still a raging fucking meth addict it's still a huge meth addict now you just need to get your refix on i hate when they have attitude like that yeah a lot of you guys need to understand you fucking

morons, and it's like, wait, I'm a fucking moron. You're the one who ate yourself to fucking disability. You're the one that ate yourself a fucking punching bag for a chin. You're the one that ate yourself a new neck. Fucking Joe Wier's fucking speedbagging her chin into orbit.

Doing the backwards ones and the fucking, man, you ever see that video of that old guy fucking beating the shit out of a speed bag? I'll bring that in next week. It's a good one. So yeah. as we venture forth. So this is called Carnival Landlines.

Well, that's what... Oh, come on, man. No. So if ever there was a reason not to go to Vegas, it's this. Yeah, this should stay in Vegas. Oh, and they're going to Jersey. Don't make it to the X-L-Ns plus.

Vegas Summer Bash You missed out big time Fat fart too But don't worry The fun isn't over yet We've got two more events lined up for 2025 New Jersey At the Princeton Doubletree

San Diego Halloween At the Princeton double chin At the Handlery Hotel I could go protest this The Hamlery Hotel The Hamburgler Hotel San Diego at the Hamburgler Hotel That's fucking

insane work. The hamburger should have a hotel. That'd be cool. I'd stay there. You can only get chicken nuggets there? What the fuck? There's only nuggets. No, he's got all his hamburgers there. So you can only get hamburgers.

That's where he keeps all his loot. Shit, that would be a good McDonald's promo. You can only get chicken nuggets and chicken sandwiches. You're like, what the fuck? This fucking guy stole them. Fucking cock smuggler hamburger came and fucking stole all the burgers. Hamburgler alert. He's burgled all the

hamburgles. He's burgled the shit out of them fucking hands. Oh, wow. Black guy. Fucking amazing. Not fat.

So he's up here cleaning house too. Just like the Seattle Fat Mall guy. These guys are like, wait, these fat events, hold on. They're just drilling things

into the wall. Well. Because they see porn out and you come over and like fix, you know, the lights and stuff. I just want to have a good time. It's like a fun house mirror affected.

Yeah. Dude, what is happening here? Are they eating the art? They're doing finger painting because they ate all the brushes. You know what? I'm going to keep it a buck with you. I thought that was all different dipping sauces and they were eating different. A blue dipping sauce?

Maybe it is. Cotton candy dipping sauce for nuggets? You never know what's going to go in their gullet. So they could be, that could be frosting. That could be. Oh, look. at the size of these fucking women

apparently they had to drain the pool halfway when they all got in I've seen that I've seen that I've seen that

yeah so if if you're afraid of you know the open ocean and that's too much for you or you know you can't commit to a full week on a cruise line come on down a carnival landlines here at uh x lns plus look at oh that's the that's the fabric that's the fat fabric these are all just discarded bed sheets from a bed bath and beyond dumpster they're the beyond yeah Beyond fucking obesity Okay Yeah, so that was those bitches

So this one made my ghost die Um Tightness? Why is there a little Fingerpointed your pussy? I don't know, but I hate this so much Dude I hate I hate this

Why is Titan spelled T white? It's a black lady She looks like King Hippo She looks exactly like King Hippo Coming out Ah Yeah I

I I just-mong-mong-mong-mong. Imagine it's like whatever fucking time in the morning it is. Just get off work, whatever. And I see this shit, and I just, I get magic flute voice. My laugh goes up an octave, and I was just like, you got to be shitting me. Why is the finger touching you a pussy? No, and I don't like it.

What is at its finest? Is it pussy's the tightness at the finest? Of this? Yeah. Because of the fucking. compression of the skin and the fatness. It's like trying to fuck a truck tire.

Whoa, Jesus. It's like trying to fuck the air inlet on a truck tire. Yeah. But it was like... I guess it's tied. There was so many words that came to mind. I just got flustered and none of them came out. Why isn't the mouth tight?

How do you think the body got that big? Yeah. But I take a tight mouth. And a loose pussy any day. I'll take a shut mouth. I'll take a tight mouth and a loose pussy any day. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'll take a tight mouth and a loose pussy any day.

Yeah, like what? Disgusting. The camber angle on her tits alone is Different, fucking dimensions. Negative is fun. Like, wow. She looks like Tweedle D and Tweedledum's black aunt. Who's not happy about their antics and bouncing around.

Yeah. I know this was Unctober. all, but, where my cat? Antis need to be stopped just as much. That I just was like, what needs to be stopped? Anties. Anties. Death to Anties.

Death to Antis. Total anti-death. A total anti-death, but man, I was like the insinion-you, everything about this had me upset on a visceral level. Is this a troll account? No. Oh my God, I don't know. All right.

What's next? Okay, so next is, I'm no doctor, but I probably would say the same as one. P.O.V. Person of Person of volume. Person of volume. Pork or... Pork or veal. Pork or veal. Having no answers to why my arm and leg are asleep. Now, Dick, I'm feeding yourself.

But if you had to guess, why her arm and leg might be asleep. It's because her sweatshirt has cut off the circulation to all of her limbs. See, I wasn't even thinking... Six-X-L sweatshirt that she's rolled up. It's too tight. Too tight Because of the poncho

Yeah Because ma'am The poncho that you're wearing Which is a blanket With a hole cut in it For your head is too tight It's like a spray on glove For her

I was just like The atmosphere is Causing that Yeah And the sheer audacity Of posting this What is this Uncle Ticks

What's fucking Uncle What sort of uncle is this? Yeah he's got a wife That's not Uncle behavior What the hell? Stupid asshole. Fat wife.

Fat white wife. Oh, okay. That's uncle behavior. There you go. Yeah, maybe. There you go. Okay, let's see this fucking Miss Piggy, bitch. Of course he would be caught.

Fat-ass wife. Here we fucking go. I guarantee you he's the military and gay. Well, you see that Dominican Lego hair? Of course. Dominican Lego man. Fucking look it. He got Dominican Lego Man.

What is he crying for? I've hit the white fat jackpot, he says. I've hit the fat white jackpot. What a Dominican say? I'm not black. Look at this. Oh my God. Tourette's versus the proposal.

Oh shit. He has Tourette's? That's why he's Uncle Tix? Because I'm the fucking man. Hello. My name is Uncle Tix. This is my very, very beautiful Mrs. Olivia.

Today we're in Fiji for my birthday. Fiji is trash. I just wanted to show you a birthday celebration with Tourette's. Where's the Tourette's then? I need to finish. Trette's fat whore with my fat whore wife. That's the only thing that would make it believable. Yeah.

He was calling her a fat pig the whole time? Bitch. Oh! Can you plant Tourette's in Tourette's people? Can you plant like suggestions like Inception? Maybe, but he hit her with the fat-ass bitch. He did? Yeah.

Hold on. Little does Olivia know today. I'm actually not just having a birthday celebration. I'm proposing. Wait, hit... He's called her a fucking fat-ass bitch. That's crazy. How do you have tics and you're so fat? Oh!

The tick tacks. That's what I do to your fanny. Fuck! Yeah, oh god, baby! Fagin'is! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. You edited it, so you could have cut that one out. That's not Tourette's.

You don't edit with Tourette's, do you? Uncle Ticks. You made a conscious choice to put that recording of yourself. I could put recordings of myself saying all kinds of stuff. Oh, yeah, I got Tourette. I got Tourette's. And-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in. All this guy has is a fat-bitch wife.

Midge Slap you minge Aletious He's faking it man He would call her fat Fanny on my face bitch Yeah that's fake Yeah this is fake

And he's gay He's obviously gay It's fake and gay yeah Oh man We got to hurry to get this Brain Rock segment Because the fucking dude I brought in some bangers

Okay let's get to the next fat shit Okay Okay Winner, winner, chicken breakfast lunch. Oh, wait, let's do your Johnny's thing. Let's do your Johnny's thing. You want one last fat watch? All right, let's do it.

Let's do it. Okay, so this is winter, winter, breakfast lunch, chicken breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Take a rotissory chicken to the dome. I probably need a hug. I'll take a rotisserie. Oh, my gosh, she's eating the whole fucking rotissory chicken like it's a sandwich.

Yeah. Like it's an apple. Bro, she's like big mouth from the smirps. Yeah. Whoa. Her big nose. She's pig mouth, yeah. And the woman was big mouth.

Big nose, that guy. Yeah, okay, now we can do brain rot. Oh, my God. Just the visual is so... She injected honey into it too before. You can see her barely make the chicken to her mouth. She's bracing her arms on the steering wheel. Like her arms are so pudgy.

She can't, like the... Those things are greasy. fuck and she drove what she put her hands on her steering wheel and drove home probably texted people back in traffic and shit oh um okay I got some good brain route for you okay wait I have a new somebody sent me a new music what amazing well just like other music that's cool wait there new for me new for me I'm like there's new music that's news to me hold news to me hang on I've been looking for I've been looking for this this whole time

Uh, okay. I don't know why they said male feet. This better not be AI. If you're in the know, there's a place to go where the life's gone. It's AI. No need to exchange. Just turn up your brain. I want to hear human singing it.

I want to hear. It's the point of brain rot is I need rotten brains. Yeah. I appreciate the effort. Yeah, but I want to hear you singing it. it you sing it yeah not a computer okay oh man why is this going so slow fuck i appreciate it but you sing it yes john his brain wrong thank you reverend scott i need like a like a empire today like it needs like a today yeah and

Okay, so this one's fucked. I brought in a banger of a first one. I called it. So this is the fantasies of a fruit and a vegetable. Okay. So. Okay, and it's a gay. It's obviously a gay guy.

All right. Well, so we just talked about AI, right? Okay. So hit play on this. Fresh fade. A little bit of scruff. Notice it's, his boyfriend is his own face. The kind of guy who laughs in the middle of target and prays before down.

This is AI, though. Right. Okay. Now. Someone who can rock a fresh face. Wait, click on his account Just like he just stepped out of vote Wait, wait, wait

Romantic, the kind of guy who laughs in the middle of target Wait a minute Somebody who loves girlie boy in a Yeah Is that him for real? No, so click on his account Okay I'm a girly boy in a chair

Dreaming of a manly, stylish king Fresh fade A little, what the fuck's happening here? Oh bro, it gets better So this guy has cerebral palsy And is in a wheelchair But there's videos of him click on any of them really

okay okay maybe next one that's just a picture oh you're looking for a video yeah or go on the videos tab even maybe I didn't know there was that middle one yeah okay so click on

okay maybe that one which one the this which retarded face yeah that one so there's ones where he try to to talk and it sounds like how

you would imagine but he tries to drink these Starbucks drinks and he spills it all over himself so then it looks like he's kind of covered in shit a little bit as he goes on but then so skip ahead to like another video even just because like I haven't dug too deep this is what he

actually talks like so then he makes these AI videos where he made an AI video of a handsome version of him mm-hmm wheeling him around in a chair where he's all so a handsome version of him and can talk normally and it's sick AI is sick he's sick he's sick right right

the den of depravity knows no depths I can keep digging and digging and digging and digging and digging and like I said I'm gonna do that when I go on a Starbucks and that's what's so fucked is because there's plenty of documentation of him talking like this and

wait normally Yes. What? Yeah. This is how he normally is. So go to a different video, because there's ones where he tries to talk more. There you go. He's got shit all over.

Why is he wearing this little tiny shirt? Yeah. Like, that's above his, that's at his ribs. Dude. Like, that's a cutoff. So many questions. Why is he wearing this? In public.

Is he really like this? Yes. So then he uses AI or his handler uses AI. Who posts this? He doesn't do it with this, all this shit? So, I'm like, whoever's doing this is sicker than I am, because I'm, like, finding, you know... Wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

He's doing cameo? Yeah. But he's not... This is not in a condition to do cameo. Right. I'm telling you, man. What's happening here? I hope people in the audience can enjoy.

this as much as... Why is his stomach hanging out? He's retarded, but why is his fucking stomach sticking out like this? He's wearing like a child... Gay clubbing shirt. Yeah, man. Like a mesh fishnet tank top. Well, and here's the thing, Dick.

I don't know about you... Not Starbucks, babes. Wait a minute, what? So, this is an AI video, because you can see see the SORO logo, but hit play. You already know what time it is. Toby Chip Rappuccino time. Hi, can I get a Moka Cookie Crumble for Rappuccino?

No whip at the bottom, whip on top of Moka Drizzle and no cookie crumbles, please. So this is how he imagines himself. Does he? Well, because this is the SORA AI. Right, yeah, no, I know that. But fucking, so I don't know if they're trying to pull a fast one. What the hell's happening here? I have no.

The collision of retarded people in AI were not prepared for. I was not, like, I thought the necromancy was bad, but like... Right. And then, so that's why the AI... Okay, so he's fucked up. We don't know how fucked up he is? Right, but so then where he's pushing himself around in New York. and like going on his dream date with himself. Accessibility isn't just a word. It's freedom. See, that's AI too.

But who's doing it? He's not fucking typing this shit into Sora or signing up for an email. Right. That's why I'm like, I'm so fucking like, I'm almost invested in this. I've just seen this guy. How is it disability pride if you have an AI remaking your whole fucking face? Right. Hashtag disability pride.

And there's no mess all over his shirt. the fuck. You know he's not drinking that cleanly. All this. Bro, what the fuck is happening? No crumbles, though. As long as there's mocha drizzle, we're good. New York feels like a movie, right? Yeah, but you're the main character. Your hair's so soft. I can't stop playing with it. Keep doing it. I like when you do. You're basically the perfect mix of manly and class.

And you're my favorite person in the world. This is my favorite. Yeah. Isn't that appalling? I don't know what it is. Yeah So that guy's not real That guy's not real And that guy's a retarded guy

He's a real Retarded guy But he's been like de-retarded Dead So they're using AI And still putting him in the wheelchair Which is like Unless he's pushing it

Unless he's dating himself Right Does he know Does the real guy know This is happening? I don't know I can't I'm so bewildered by this

And people are saying like they support him, but who the fuck is reading this? He obviously can't fucking read the comments like this. There's no way this motherfucker's scrolling on anything. I honestly feel bad that he has to use AI, this idiot woman says, or a man. I honestly feel bad that he has to use AI. Bro, he's too retarded to use a phone. That's what I'm saying.

What does you think the AI has anything to do with anything? It's fucking... He's going... Oh man, I really sucks that guy has to use AI. He doesn't have to use a... He has to use a colostomy bag. He can't wipe his ass. He doesn't have to use AI.

Well, so that's what I was going to bring up, too. Dick, you and I have our grown adult men who've had coffee maybe once or twice in our lives. What's like a common side effect of coffee? Shitting. Shitting, right. So if you're some fucking... So he's got the turbo shits. In a fucking wheelchair, just shitting it up all day.

You don't need coffee. Go back to sleep. You don't need... You don't need... milk and coffee in that this page is supposed to be him being his true authentic self

that's so you don't feel bad that he has to use AI you feel bad that he is using AI yeah you feel bad that you can't just gawk at the retarded guy that's yeah you're sick commenter everything about this is sick which is why

I'm bringing a spotlight onto it because I was so blown away this is just sad man I hope you find someone to love in your life. He's a, he's totally fucked and retarded. What are you talking about find someone to love? He's a, he's a, he's a vegetable. Well, he's a fruit and a vegetable, dick.

Like a tomato. He's talking like, do you mean find someone to love? How is that going to work? Yeah. This is sad, man? You're saying that to the cripple? What is wrong with you? This is just sad, man.

Sad. It's sad what you're doing. It's sad what I'm doing? It did what I'm doing? Right. Bro. All he was sad. Just drink Starbucks.

All I wanted to do was make like an AI of myself, meaning of an imaginary man. He is trying to find love. I hope you find somewhat love in your life. How? How the fuck? is this guy gonna find love oh fuck you

now I'm super on this guy's side yeah it's like dude it's oddly compelling this video is actually sad yeah what do you mean the videos that wasn't actually sad god you fucking parasites

his handler making him order with his voice at Starbucks is yeah Oh, that's not sad? Going on fucking cameo? He's no fucking understanding of what cameo is? Yeah.

And not the band either, you know? I hope he really finds who he needs in life. No, he's, no. He's not. He's not. Yeah, it's like,

what the fuck is wrong with you? He's obviously not. Yeah. Like, what the fuck are they going to be with dueling wheelchairs? Like a Seattleist commercial? I love you.

I love you too, like a family guy episode? That's, dude, I'm... What's wrong with you? Telling you, man. I hope he finds who he really needs in life. Well, he needs whoever's posting these to not. Bitch, what are you

fucking talking about? Somebody slap this woman. Somebody slapped this fucking hoe. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Of course. He's some super hardcore boomer mega shit. Yeah, but oh man

So this was first up On the brain rot chopping vlog Man Genuine, dude These people are upset that he's using AI Yeah, everyone's brain broken in Listen to this one Genuinely the saddest shit I've ever seen in years

You mean every other video Where he's an invalid isn't sad Yeah I get This is so sad You're celebrated as you are without AI no he's not he's not yeah he's a fucking crippled and he's making a mess all over his shirt he's making a mess in his wheelchair presumably he's dressed up for your amusement like a

yeah like a joke this is genuinely sad bro who are you even talking to just on the d l i come here for listening to a retard order starbucks i don't i want to He's like, Hey, man. AI. I don't see how good he could have it. Okay. No one commented.

You don't see anyone going, wow, again, another example of AI ruining art, right? It's always, I can't believe he's using it to disguise. It's like, no, no, no. AI ruined art in this instance. Your art, yeah.

Yes. Yeah, you really like the guy embarrassing himself and acting retarded, right? Because you felt better by yourself. He ruined it with AI. Because now you see what he's thinking. And it's fucking with you.

yeah now you're retarded he brought you to his level now you're a gay retard who wants the toby chiff at starbucks he ruined it yeah he ruined it he ruined it by showing he does long for a life that he cannot have

he wheeled too close to the sun man but yeah where's the no more AI button oh my god ew can we not generate AI videos of our disabled kid flirting with a guy without their consent what about this is

consensual? What about any of the rest of this is consensual dumping coffee all over this fucking retarded idiot? God, I'm gonna find these, I'm gonna punch the money out of them. Oh my God, I follow this retarded guy on Instagram, and he orders coffee

and dumps it all over himself, he can't talk, it's so funny, but now they're making gay AI content where he's flirting with men, and it's just really upsetting for me. Because I'm retarded. Again, I think my favorite part about all of it is you can use AI to do anything you want, apparently, and you still put yourself in a wheelchair, like, so you clearly must enjoy it to some extent, right? Like, is that the assumption here? Like, my fucking brain is broken. Yeah, dude, welcome to the brain rot corner. We still got four more clips. This is, this is lower, this is lower than anything I've ever seen.

this this is what I'm here for boo give us more retarded give us more you ordering at Starbucks like retarded guy spill the chocolate all over yourself

dump all the chocolate of yourself and look fucking disgusting well there's a video where he's trying to drink it and it's like he's holding it all crippledly for lack of a better term and he like almost chokes himself to death on the straw and it's like Jesus oh

bro he's dude he's got he's got videos of him being retarded mixed in with AI videos of him flirting with men. That's so crazy. How many followers this account have? Probably a lot more at this point. 64,000.

Damn. This is unbelievable. The perfect combo of manly and stylish. You think so? Yeah, the hair, the jacket, and you still let me mess it on. As long as you keep making that face when you... Why do they all have black voices?

I don't know. Man, you'd be fucking the shit up. I'm gay. Like, fully. I'm a girly one too. Pink nails sparking everything. So you hear the shit on his shirt. I want a boyfriend. So I'm gonna cuddle me like that. Shit on his shirt.

Yeah. And I love Starbucks. Okay. I could have my Gucci on. Okay. Yeah. I'm gay. I'm so gay.

I'm so gay. Yeah. Okay. Oh my God. I'm so gay. I'm so gay. I mean, is he even gay? He's not even sentient.

I don't think. Johnny that was a really ridiculous one So Well Brace yourself for number two I'd like to introduce That was number one That was number one

Dude I'm telling you I narrowed it down today I had We have to do these next week We have to do all the rest of them next week Okay can you do at least big iron Because big iron It's got a good quote in there

Okay Okay So What the hell is this This is uh This coincides with crackhead corner but go ahead and unmute this it's a black guy

he's standing at one of those yellow ballards like parking lot safety ballards stuck in the ground all right keep on me a pack of cigarettes what's over that noodle on your head what's over there right there I'm humpty

you hungry I'm humped I ain't gonna just eat it why ain't got to top your head like a hat I used to keep on a bag of cigarettes I ain't got no money I'm broke You can't hit this This is me

But eat that nude on your hair You got potato sauce back your head and shit He has an up You got an iron What's the fuck on him? He's got a bag He's got the big art on his hip, man You tweaking

Boy Hey, man Get that shit Get that shit together, man What's on his feet? Plastic bags. He's got an iron on like a string. Wrapped around his shoe lace or something.

And he's got an upturn, like box a takeout on his head with a noodle hanging down his head. Like a dread. But this, it's that point he goes, I'm Humpty. That, like, obviously Humpty hump the fucking rapper. I'm Humpty. You hungry. But when he goes, you hungry. Can you buy me a bag of cigarettes?

And then the laugh, completely ignoring what he said, like, hey, let me get a... Can you buy me a bag of cigarettes? Can I have a... Can I smoke of yours? Yeah, this is all me. But the... I'm Humpty. So when people ask me if I'm hungry now, I'm going to start saying I'm hungry.

Oh, you could see the number master if you want. This is Divorced Dad Number 3. That the occult does. Because that's why I call them Captain Cheeseball. They are the Captain Cheese Puffs of everything they do. You know, like putting graphene in the vaccine, but let me show you what they did to me. They sent me a hot tub filter that was designed to decompose. And so my entire hot tub got scumicized from the occult with this stuff.

It's so hard to get off. What the fuck are you talking about? Just with the grippy side on this side right here. So if you click on his account too. It's like a. It's just like a scuff. inside his jacuzzi. Yeah, it's just like

the scum one when you don't clean your jacuzzi regularly. Yeah. But there's videos on his page too where it's like he alludes to like well I paid my child

support on time this month and it's like I'm a cold man. Everything they do is cheeseball everything they do they poison our sky. What the fuck? It's yeah.

Old Disclosure Act.com? Yeah, this guy's nice. What is he a numerology guy? Yes. That's why he's number master 22. Those guys are crazy. Well, so, and then there's like, he talks about like child support and other shit in this. And I'm like, yep, divorced dad. Sawed a mile away, man.

We the people, full disclosure act, they know all about us. It's time we know all about them. Okay. Sure. Why not? What are you talking about? The national campaign to end secrecy and restore accountability. stay in the FDA loop

I love the blue glow to everything too it's like fucking being in a fast and furious car they overdid the responsive design here oh no all right but that's the thing is his whole page is like the occult is doing all this and it's like nah dude you like his YouTube is god warrior

the full disclosure public trust restoration act of 2025 how was this made two months ago how you couldn't recreate this green screen. I'm digging. I am in the trenches. I am digging. I'm creating the trenches as I go for everyone else to fucking find him. Yeah. This guy. How did he make this? I have no idea. This is like you couldn't, if you had like Michael Bay, he couldn't recreate this technology. Well, so that's what I'm saying is there gets a certain point in every man's life where you think

everything's set in a certain way. And then once once that last marble goes, And the whole, yeah, once that last carpet fiber is gone, then the unraveling begins. And then out comes like the MS fucking, you know, Windows movie maker. Outcomes the fucking, you know, the occult is out there. It's there are the ones fucking my jacuzzi up. It's like, oh, man. But he calls himself the number master, and I love it. Dude, what God warrior?

Oh, my God. You can always tell someone's a mega-skito. when there's a lots of caps. Not as a politician, not as a party loyalist, but as a citizen, bound by duty, compelled by conscience,

and committed to restoring the most essential element of a free society. Trust. My grandfather was Ed Reinichie. What the fuck is? Who the fuck is that? Yeah.

What does he have a playing card? Oh, his great grandfather was the lieutenant governor. of California? Hmm. Okay. U.S. congressman

and lieutenant governor of California with Ronald Reagan. Man, your kids can really get fucked up. Yeah, man. Man, that sucks.

Whoa. This guy's working with Reagan and then this guy's posting schizo shit. How do you... Like, what do you pass on to kids that get so far off at this point.

Yeah, dude. Because, like, I was trolling through his Instagram laughing my ass off. I'm like, man, this guy's, he's like, well, if you add all these letters together, that equals a certain thing. He thinks, like, Trump's name, like, adds to a certain number, and that means something.

47, 48, yeah. I think he went so far as to say, like, 44, even. And I'm like, whoa, there's new numbers in the numerology game. Like, oh, shit. Bro, yeah, people are. How does it? like your grandfather, your grandpa was

working with Reagan at some to one man and then you and your schizo divorced schizo posting on that's the thing man is like I'm sure his life is going like almost fine most of the time and then this divorce happens and he's like see it's the occult making my bitch wife leave me

and that's why my kids don't talk to me divorce really fucks people up it really really he fucks people up. Well, that's why it fucks kids up. Yeah. Oh, man.

Sir Anthony, because I'm like, man, this guy's had it pretty rough. Vegan vampires, I think he murdered. I think he didn't go through a divorce. I think he just murdered his wife. Grandpa was a man of principle.

I was proud to call him not just family, but a mentor and a good friend. Growing up, I learned firsthand that politics is about stewardship. How did you get? how did you get this recording? How did you record this resolution with these artifacts

with the clearly visible green screen? How did you do? I haven't seen this kind of recording in like, in like 28 years. No, it's easily like a 90s thing. He's got to have old equipment. He's got to have like a VHSC recorder. That's what I'm saying, dude, is like

these guys get frozen in time and whatever they have is whatever they stick with. It's this fucking like... It's great. Oh, it's, I mean... It's fantastic. I don't believe this was shot today, but it probably was.

I'm sure. How does it still work? Because he's got, like, this is like VCR editing shit. Yeah. This is not a digital editor. You need like hardware to edit. Yeah. Like the Roland fucking mixer and shit.

It's about preserving trust, transparency, and the voice of the people. And it even sounds like the old stuff. Yeah. I wear a silver bolo of an Indian chief. once worn by my grandfather, a symbol of strength, dignity, and heritage. And in my hand,

I hold my grandfather's gavel he used in U.S. Congress. He's like LARPING as his grandfather now? Is an eagle. Gifts to my grandfather by President Ronald Reagan, inscribed with the words. Reagan caused all this shit, man.

Peace through strength. How about strength through strength? that true leadership is built on conviction not convenience let's be honest public confidence in the institutions that are supposed all right yeah no this guy's a total schizo like he nothing goes anywhere with him other than the fact that it's always the occult are trying to get him this is the property boundary for the u.s. forest service and this is the property boundary for the secret societies it is the end of secret societies in this world.

We are exposing the occult one signature at a time. We've got over 3,300 people who've signed the Holy Soder Act that are setting a boundary, a boundary. We're no longer going to be ruled by secret societies. It's over. This is the boundary. And this is the boundary. How many people?

47,000 followers God damn. People are nuts, man. Yeah. They're slowly picking up steam. Yeah, they are. It's crazy too because some of these accounts I'll keep an eye on them.

They'll have like 1,000, 2,000 followers. And then a couple weeks later, I'm like, oh shit. This, man, that guy in the wheelchair is just like... I love them. I do too. Oh, wait, okay, hold on. You got to see the Indian cure for laying down at least. That's...

Okay. So I brought in a similar cure before. I think you might appreciate this one for an official brain rot segment. So here's a guy laying a table. What the hell is this? Sparks already? Well, you'll see what that is. Okay.

Oh, he's burning his ass hair off. So there's an Indian guy sitting on a table and then one of their... With a hot crowbar. This guy's got a hot crowbar with a red-hot crowbar burning his ass hair off. But see, look, he can walk again.

He's healed. I would like Vivek to explain what's happening here. American doctors be like this, but Indian doctors be like... Yeah, I would like Vivek to explain to me that he is not this. Yes.

I know it's in there. Like, he taps off the extra... It tacks off the... Oh my ass hair. Why does he have these little wings on the top of his back? Why do they scream like that? That's not how somebody screams when something hurts. You go like, oh! When you're getting... He sounds like fucking Fuzzy Bear. Yeah, when you're getting fucking burned.

Waka, waka! Call for treatment. And then it's just like a string of numbers. Probably doesn't go anywhere. Well, it's great too because then after your kid, right after you're healed. Then once your burn pain goes away, your leg's still all fucked up, and you have all these little burn marks

going to get fucking septus. Cepsus soon. The claps, too. They're celebrating this miracle work. Is this like workers' comp for them? They're like, if you think your home life is bad, why don't you go to the doctor?

I would get up and start swinging if someone tried to fucking touch that to me. Are you fucking serious? Dude, like... This is so fucking stupid and it's also Indian. It's so Indian. It's barbaric, yeah.

It's just like totally dumb. Like white people would like do leeches and stuff and drill a hole in your head but at least you're dead if that you know it doesn't work this is like

what if we just showed a whole room full of people while we just burnt like put little welts on your ass hairs off fucking ass hair's off with a hot crowbar well so I'm I'm realizing in this culture

cleansing fire is a very big thing right um you know it's a cleansing breath or uh it's extra dumb because like they didn't have in the medieval times they didn't have the internet To look up, hey, just doing leach's stuff?

Is that good or bad? Like, yeah, it's fucking dumb. These guys could easily go online and say, hey, is putting a hot crowbar and burning your ass hairs? Is that good? Well, there's enough Indians online that there's probably enough. Yeah. I want to hear Vivek come out and say which of his relatives believes in this shit.

Because I know it's not, I got relatives believing in ghost trains and shit. You've never seen that. Arnold episode, man, come on. What was that? Ghost Train? The Ghost Conductor guy? And they go to hell?

Ghost Trains are real Mexican... No, I'm well aware, yeah. Well, so I was thinking, too, Dick, if... It was represented in Ghostbusters. Yes. Uh-huh. I'll say if your ear issues don't go away. I'm sure you have a crowbar.

Yeah. Well, no, we're not go there. Yeah. We don't want to pick up new issues, you see. I have a bunch of scrapper stuff. There you go. we can either deep fry blow torch

yeah he could either have 80s girl fire heel for you or you know have a hot fucking have Randy come over and apply a fucking now he'll do Mr. Miyagi stuff oh that's true he'll do a tea ceremony on you

again I'm looking forward to the text I know it's not zero Vivek has aunts and uncles or somebody that does that believes in this stuff and if he's coming out and saying American education is fucking stupid, then I'd like to hear... Yeah, what is this?

What your family... What that means. Yeah, what that means. Which one of your family members does this shit? It's not none. It's not none. I don't believe you if it's not none. For sure, don't believe that at all.

I got tons of relatives, praying a God knows which saint, believing in aliens, doing all kinds of shit. Right. There's a non-zero chance that one of his family members brought over a cow shit in a suitcase. He eats cow shit. And eats, yeah. Put cow piss on, drinks cow piss. Let's hear it.

Let's hear about how the American education is so bad. Tell me how you cool your house down by covering it in a layer of cow shit. Yeah. Is your wife hiding any kind of cow? You're hiding cow piss in the basement, are you not? Mr. Vivek? I want to see him order a Toby Chip drink from Starbucks if he's so about it. You've outdone yourself today.

this was the worst one I think this was the worst one again the fantasies of a fruit and a vegetable oh but it's only one guy so sad to see this AI dude everything about it is just like a poison

pit you can't look at it without getting some on you somehow but yeah that dude when I saw that I don't even think I put it in our explore feed thing I was like, I can't even hint that this exists to you.

What? Something for us. This is from Ray Ray is happy. Well, thanks, Ray, Ray. Holy shit. I don't know what it is. Did you take your Cipro today in case it's anthrax? No.

Oh. Might be. I just took Cipro for fun. I think I wanted to say thank you for all the love and support. It means a lot and there's a big boost. I hope these put a smile in your face. Stay happy, Ray. Man.

Stickers. He said, Johnny, bro, I love you on the Dick Show. You are fantastic. Thank you for all the love and support. Stay happy. Keep crushing Ray. And there's this nice little stamp from him. He's got a stamp. That's cool.

And some really cool fucking stickers. Thank you, Ray, Ray. Okay, this is from... Jeffer. Jefferson, Jefferson. Viadaris. From New York. You did it.

You did it. Yo, Dick, me, and Bay, wish you congrats for your child. We just had our first son, and we've been longtime fans. From one parent to another, good luck, and fuck,

Eric July. From Heifer and his Bay. P.S., I hope you like the gift. All right. Cool. What is it? What the hell is this? This is a...

extremely long sticker it's a CVS receipt it's a CVS receipt all right well I don't know what this is it's a bunch of stickers of files cool I'll check it out

awesome I could always use more files that's my yes that's my motto if there's one thing I will always accept as more files it's a bunch of uh queen of

I don't know a bunch of sector lingo um a bunch of doxing information Jesus Christ okay what a gift

I don't know how to react to it I appreciate it um it's just too much to take in live but thank you and I'm glad it's a sticker maybe I'll stick it on the TV be over here

good luck with your child I hope it's not like you know the worst thing we'll talk later um okay more rare is thanks everybody patreon.com slash the dick show

the dick does show search for the great pumpkin on the 29th the 29th waitwatches three the 29th of October got a fully upgraded setup now oh ready to go man

um the great pumpkin the search for the great pumpkin we will find find it, her. We will find the Great Pumpkin. That's going to be my presentation. The Great Pumpkin. You see, the Great Pumpkin.

You sat on Snoopy. I need that laugh track. Yes. Ready. I'm married a shirt. Looks like shit. Yeah. Yeah.