The Dick Show - Episode 481 - Dick on The Gooch Seam

Episode Date: October 20, 2025

A fat teacher leads a No Kings protest, Antifa vs. Antifat, my son has a strange injury, some boys use the n word, The Great Feminization, Gretta Thumberg gets beat up by the IDF, gay DnD, a strange Rippaverse comic about God and detention, a wipe wand demonstration, and VOCs; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Hey, when do I leave the desert level? It's just a trash level. Garbage flowing. Who do they fight? Shower, not Bowser. They fight all the toads that look exactly the same. Oh, yeah. But somehow aren't.

Somehow aren't the same. All the toads are Pakistanis. Right, the only difference between the two of them is about five miles. I'm going to fucking die, man. What's going on, man? I'm going to fucking die. What happened? Let's no fucking sleep.

Dude. I'm going to fucking die. I am. I'm gonna fucking die. If I walk out of, if we walk out of here and my wife killed herself, I would not be, I would be surprised, you know, but I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be. The physical reaction when I would say, whoa, I can't believe you actually did it. You feel like, oh, man, I'm gonna fucking die. You know what VOC is?

Enlighten me. Fucking, you don't have to know about these. I don't. They're little things that China slips into just about everything. Oh. To shrink American penises, I guess. Volatile organic compounds. I don't fucking know what they are.

They're in everything. You get a new rug. You think you finally solve the rug problem. Guess what? It's fucking chalk full of VOCs You know, it's funny you mention that Because I walked in and looked over and saw Not the rug

My wife and I just broke down See, why does this rug smell funny? She goes, I don't know, and I started looking it up I was like, what the fuck is a VOC? Oh no, penis shrinking falphates Get the rug out of here. Get the rug out. Throw the rug in the garage So it can off gas.

so it can shed and there's a little tag on the bottom that says this is Oika certified I said I don't fucking believe this got a QR code though so you know I don't trust shit that's got a QR code says you can look up this scanning QR code and

go look up the VOC makeup of your new rug said first of all it's got a QR code so I think it's a scam Harbor freight ass rug Harbor freight ass rug motherfucker ass rug motherfucker freight ass rug motherfucker disintegrating at a point where if you lay on it

every day you'll get some sort of low level formaldehyde poisoning or some shit. Yeah. And then they said well they actually changed their inspection now to include the penis shrinking pathalphates that year and then I said well when the QR code doesn't say when that they did that why do I have to deal with this just nuke China just get rid of them

just nuke them somebody do it for the common good fucking nuke them so we can figure out how to be back to a non-penish shrinking world where you're buying stuff online my wife bought a little set of dressers for the baby's room it reeks it smells like it's it was handcrafted in india out of the stinkiest diarrhea they could find in the street the chest of drawers stinks i don't know how that's possible and i'm thinking is this the phalphates that i've been hearing so much about that's shrinking the penis Am I storing clothes in a penis drinking cabinet? Like Narnia?

You stick your dick in and it should come back, half a dick? Okay, so then can't put this chest of drawers in the baby's room. Let's put it in our bedroom to air out. I don't need my penis anymore. Just shrink that shit. I'm sure I'll come across one of these India videos, Indian factory videos where they're making these little dressers. And I'll be like, oh, well, that explained absolutely everything.

God damn it. So I ask my sister, what's a VOC? She goes, oh, yeah, well, the only way to get around that is you got to just buy the most expensive rug. Wait, volatile, organic... Compound. There's shit in there. Look, it's dangerous. What do you mean organic compound?

It's volatile. That you're not telling me what specific... Volatile. There's a lot of organic... It's the penis-trinking ones. For some reason, they They yuck, yuck They make a joke

They put a penis shinky in your coke That's what happens When you make, that's what happens When you're making stuff Outside of America When you take non-Americans And put them in Call centers

And positions of power Over other stuff You get penis shrinking stuff Because you didn't expressly say In the how-to Hey, don't put any penis drinking stuff in here by the way Oh, Riri!

We were gonna put the penis shrinking stuff in made it 98% that's fucked there's I know it's fucked you know how like when you order like a burger yeah you never know how many different cows are in that one burger what right I didn't know that I assumed it was one but I guess yeah what are they mixing them up well yeah there's it's not just like one it's not a one-to-one thing like think of like your industrial burger right it's all pink slime or whatever the fuck, right?

I would think they'd butcher the cow and then they'd make the meat and then they... No, because you got to make it consistent, right? So it's all goes through the, so it's like that could be... Oh, you're right? Because they're probably cutting the steaks off of the cow. The steaks come from the same cow, right? Well, yeah, it's all meat, but it's like... That's the same cow, though.

If I'm eating a steak, that's the same cow. Well, unless it's like one of those fucking dollar store ones that they glue together. Do they glue them together? Have you seen that shit? No. Oh, man. That's something else to keep you over night. They got VOC's in that?

that whole thing is just one VOC man man but so the thing in that is so then they ground up all the leftover meat and put that in like a slurry and that becomes ground beef so it's different cows think of like a cup of chili that's gross well think of like a cup of chili from wendies right how many

if you think of how many different burgers make up that one cup of chili right what am i eating like a hundred cows in one cup of chili you're micro dosing like a hundred different cows i don't want that well but i want one cow But that's the thing is if you're getting other people's VOCs and that was made in India, you could be getting like a thousand people shit in your house in solid form. That's the thing. You order anything now and you're like, well, is it going to stink? If I get this in my house, is it just going to stink forever?

And then everyone's going to think you stink by extension. Yeah. Then I'm going to smell like shong dong or whatever, sweating dong, whatever the place is that makes all the cabinets. How's a cabinet stink? I'm ordering pens now. Is the pen I go to Rufus, Amazon's stupid-ass AI that doesn't fucking work? Where instead of just typing keywords anymore,

you've got to type a whole fucking sentence to search for anything. They should make that a product category on Amazon. Stink? Like yes or no? It's a drop-down box. Can I get Prime Extra? No stink?

No stink free? Remember when we had it so bad in the 90s that people were complaining about package? I'm like, this packaging is so difficult to cut through. It's slicing out my hands. I'm a fucking retarded boomer. I can't get these scissors out of the plastic that they're in. Oh, has this ever happened to you?

And now it's like, oh, great, my Amazon's here. Open the box. It stinks like shit. Hey, has this ever happened to you? Hey, honey, my Amazon clothes hangers here. Whoa, stinks like the fucking Ganges. It stinks like 10 dead corpses are floating down a river of diarrhea in the hot sun. That's the thing is

You fucking stink, man And of course you go on customer service And you're like, hey, got something and it stinks And they're like, what? What do you mean stinks? Like, you know, a foul-smelling odor. Like, what's that? Don't smell anything, yeah?

Yeah, what do you mean foul? Like, you don't want to smell it As opposed to what? They look at you like, get a load of this guy. Get a load of this guy. Who do they? It smells like shit. No stinko McGee over here.

Get a load of round eye And there's no stink ass over here. So what do you? Not shit over there in your house? Three stars item work Is described also smelled like shit I'm taking one star off because it smells like shit forever And it stunk up my whole house

I saved $30 They're all metal now too You get used to get like IKEA And it was like that shitty balsa wood And I'm like oh man I don't want this balsa wood in my house It looks so cheap if you get close it looks like cheap But now I'm getting cheap ass furniture And it's metal bars

I'm like this This looks like this looks like total crap this looks like a social services office this looks like something they have at a halfway house because drug addicts come in and break their stuff otherwise this is my house that i have in here this is cheap furniture now is just iron bars with industrial screws in it and it stinks and everything stinks it stinks j sherman it stinks I'm gonna fucking die, man And when I mean die, I'm gonna, I'm gonna kill myself

Prop 65, Antoid says Prop 65 means very aggressive V0C restrictions on shipping to California Surprised you could get a VOC rug Well, I don't know, Antoids I don't know if it has VOCs They're strict on making sure you got VOCs How do I know that the Chinese didn't read it upside down? Oh, that manna extra VOSIs. It's like...

DOAs, yeah. Did you go... Hey, news alert. Somebody stole the crown jewels. Somebody stole the... Wait, actually? Actually stole the crown jewels. With a jet pack?

I don't know. I haven't looked into it. I think it was jet pack related. Get the fuck out of it. Somebody stole the crown jewels. Maddox was right. Maddox was right You can steal them

They are easy to steal He was right That's crazy He was right about everything I call a total Total amnesty He can come back and host Biggest Problem with me

It will be infinitely better Same audio issues Another retard that can't fix his audio I'm gonna fucking die Thank you. Presenting God, my hearing is so

fucked. It's so fucked. Because I have 17 hours of screaming a day. Yeah! It's so fucking painful. It's just sawing into my head. But it's a frequency.

It's like a 6,000. hurts. So it's like a, yeah, shying into my fucking, hey, you want to take you, love, take you, need a cue. Got it. The showrooms, contests, give you live from Mellon Bunker, deep in the heart of the city of failure. I'm your hostickmash today, aka the $20 million man. Joining me is audio engineer, Johnny, the audio engineer, brain rot, man. Brainrod, Johnny. Mr. Brainrot over here. He's Mr. Brainrot. Oh, yeah. He's Mr. The Rotmeiser. The rotmiser. Come on at you

I like that Um Did you see the no kings Protest No Do you see any of that I did not It means no

It means no No walk No kings No walking No hiking No fucking No fucking Stopping eating

At any point No spielunking What other king Activities are there Burger Kings No working out Plenty of Burger King no breaking from eating

how about that one you like that the some kings movement some kings just one to one king movement the burger king no jacking off to these whales that's another one that I came up with

no mistaking any of these for women here's one of the illustrious elephants that was at the no Kings Rally? They should just call it no men.

That's what it should be. It should be no men. That's what it is. That's what they mean. When they say no kings, it means no men doing anything. We just want to wallow in crapulence and failure. We don't want to have anybody deciding anything that will fix or help anything in any way. No men in positions of authority. I hate you, Dan.

That's what it is. A bunch of boomers who are still angry at their dads For whatever they did in World War II, I don't know. Here is a Here is the fat Mexican woman of the week Pretending to shoot herself in the neck. She looks like the lady walking at the hill.

At my house? Yeah. She does. Let's see. She's got her Looks like she's got the She ripped off the cardboard, like, tab, like lid of a McMuffin box outside of a McDonald's and wrote, what does it say, worst prez ever? She wrote that in her own, with her own marker that she brought from home. Let's see it.

Let's see her message to us. Look at that. Jeez. She's like pointing down. down to her chin, one of them. I mean, look at these tits. Look at her spare tire gut. That's crazy.

She's smuggling an inner tube. Smuggling an inner tube around. Ready to hit the lazy river afterward. She's going to go on over to the lazy river and float around, puppy. Lazyer river? Um, yeah. And then she, check this out. Check out a piece of evidence number two that I have.

Oh, good. My computer's already fucking up. That's wonderful. Cool. She is, you're never going to believe this. She is a teacher. Here she is at an elementary school. Okay.

K through eight. STEM teacher. I don't know what the STEM stands for. uh sausages uh turkey turkey clairs and meringue clares and meringue look at this is her staff photo

little miss fat ass here it looks like one of those illusions where there's like six different smiles but it's all just her chins like if you turn her upside down there's a sexy woman if you're there that you could draw another fat woman that's the joke connect the dots what's this fat flip this fat woman over room oh maybe i shouldn't put it up here i don't know i saw i saw

you know people saying that you should call her school that's crazy let them know that she was in the no kings rally let him let him know she's not allowed to file any disability claims because she was seen standing yeah she's seen walking around like why don't you just call like why don't you anonymously report that she has child porn on her computer that that's way more better than she's got some other fat woman above her, you know? They don't care about no kings. Just say, yeah, I was there.

I was child fire up rocket mail or whatever. It was on the back of her sign that we couldn't see. Yeah. They have to investigate those. They don't have a choice. Mandatory. You know? Totally fucks.

It totally would fuck her out. Not, oh, I saw. Hey, guess what I saw exactly what happened? Dumb. Stupid. you know that's why we lose oh here's another of the

no kings protesters let's see don't do don't do all that I was just kidding about that lying stuff I said here's another here's another treat this is

Antifa I am Antifa he has here. Big, Fatso. I mean the people down How about anti-fat?

Do you think I could get sneak into one of these protests? Antifa, but put a tea on the end. Do you think they could have interviewed someone other than fucking fat snagglepus? Hmm. They're having a good time. That's the No Kings thing.

I guess so. Yeah, they're having fun. A fat meetup? Yeah. This guy. this bigger spare tire hooks up with some find some

lovely other spare tire American they get some sort of love making bondage gears to allow penetration of two fat bodies you know

my breakfast is rising right back up they do they have this stuff and then they have to go on medication to reproduce anti-fat body reproductive medication And then the doctors get in there to pop that little fucker out And they've got some sort of a device

To pull back the folds Like that fat lady we talked about in Boston Who was just dropping kids on us She was so fat, she didn't even know she was pregnant Just fell out of her Yeah, exactly Insane Exactly, here's another one

I got, I don't know, I just have an overload of fat stuff today I got it's getting crazy Yeah man you know it's crazy There is some sort of a hoe infestation in my neighborhood. A hoe infestation. I don't know why. I don't know how this happened, but...

Halloween. Is it Halloween? It's got to be. There's more hoes out. Usually you don't see that many hoes in a neighborhood like this. Right.

I'm seeing hoes every weekend morning now. That's what I voted for. Maybe it is. I've seen these hos walking around. What's this fucking hoe doing walking down the street? Get out of you, hoes.

Get out. out of here, you ho? Get on. This is, okay, this brings back a great American classic tradition of standing out in your front yard in the morning, watering your grass.

Yeah. And slippers and a robe and shit, you know, like fucking sopranos. Yeah. You gotta stand out from, watch the hose. Soak them down. Suck them down. Get out of here, you ho.

Get out of here, you ho! Lowering my property value. Fuck. I don't even know why they're walking. Like, where are they walking to? Walking to the bus? Where they're walking from? Like, fuck.

I don't know that either. I got to set up some trail cams. Catch these hos. Cartel cams. I'm going to set up my own cartel cams. Find where these hos are at. Spawning. Right back out.

And then feed that signal back in so they see ghosts. Like summon a few ghosts for them to look at. The second day. It was. I saw one earlier this week. I'm like, what's this ho doing? And then we were leaving and go do something this morning. And my wife and I both was like, what the hell was this ho doing it?

Fucking holiday hoe down. right now, man. What's this hoe doing, walking around at 10.30 in the morning? You know, they got their hoe Stanley Cup and their ho be-jeweled hoe phone. With a million ho charms on it? Yeah, with the hoe charms dangling. Fuck. What's the deal? I'm sure they're walking back to like a Toyota Echo with the eyelashes on it.

On the headlights? You think they parked somewhere weird? And that's where the hose are... For sure. Doing some kind of trail of tears. Well, you can't be charging that much if someone sees you walking to a beat-ass fucking Toyona. What are these guys?

I gotta figure out where the location of these... Get on next door. Hey, where is these hose at? Where are the hose coming from? Classic... Someone let me know. Where are the hose? Here's a Savage X Fenty show.

Let me pull this thing up. for you uh i don't know what i don't know what it is but it's real the savage so the so victoria secret poisoned us and offended us with a plus size uh fashion model show which i agree that they are plus size at least you know they're this is disgusting nonetheless but still fits some framework of this is too fat no Whatever. And then here it was the answer to that

The Savage X Fenty show. This is what the people really want. Whoa! We got a splotchy what is this called? Vidaligo. Oh, I was thinking of that game,

Splatoon. Yeah. Oh, man. Can you imagine being this fat and still mustering up the mustering up the... Did you say mustering up? Mustering up.

Mustering up the attitude. to make this sort of a gaze? I couldn't do it. I'm too tired. And then this bar was destroyed shortly after this pose was taking. Before they all fell over backwards. Fat and black, Matt here.

Mac. Excuse me. Yeah, pretty cool. You know my wife says to me this week? Oh, what was that? She's changing the baby, and she goes, You got to, quickly, you got to come over here. Quickly, you got to, there's something wrong. Like, what, what's going on?

She's changing the baby. And she took his diaper off. She's like, look, he's got some sort of a cut. That goes from down the middle of his, like, under his ball. Asshole. Like, what are you talking about? She's like, look, there's some sort of a, there's some sort of, it looks like he's been cut from his testicles

to his butthole. I'm like what the fuck are you talking about? Oh shit. Honey. That's where it's like the seam where after they finish fucking seam, man. Finish filling stuff and you like build the brand and so

you up. Sorry. We've all got that. She's like, you have it. Yes. That's something welding you up. That's supposed to be there. That's where God sewed the vagina shut So the soul would stay in The body

She's like, are you messing with me? I'm not fucking messing with you Wait, you're telling me all these months later Now she notices Well I guess it was inflamed I don't know I didn't see the motherfucker in there I wasn't checking for seams before I just I mean I guess not

What's going on in here? With the flashlight, fuck, I got enough things going on. I thought there wouldn't be balls until later, but those balls were there right away. So that was a surprise.

And that's where my surprise ended, but she's in a fucking other. I'm like, don't you, didn't you teach sex ed? Fifth grade? What are you talking about?

What's this cut? It's a fucking seam, man. She didn't get the... Everybody's got that. Well, So now she's tripping out, because she's like, now I can't stop. Well, that's the thing is, like, when you get a car, right, you get, like, the instruction booklet. Yeah.

Or, like, the user manual, but the workshop manual is a totally different ballgame. Yeah. She didn't have the workshop manual. And that, that'll get you. What happened? What happened? What's wrong? Oh, I see.

Look at these. He's got a cut. He's got this horrible cut that goes, that goes perfectly along the center mass from the wiener. down to the butthole? There's little initials next to it, too. Yeah. Everyone's got that. I mean, not everyone.

Everyone who tries to drive your car has got one of those. That's why they take the baby out of the room is so they could put the welding hood on and just, you know. Get a little arc action. What are you talking about? That's fucking crumb.

I've been laughing about it secretly all week. I'm going to be laughing about it secretly forever I wonder if these hos know about the gooch seam I can't some fucking gooch seam what do you he's fine

yeah it's like it's like if you look at like the bottom of like a beanbag chair or something right yeah it's the beanbag how else did we get all the bones and blood and everything else in us man yeah

it's got a fit through there how do you think you would have got that cut fucking sliding down the vanister or the stairs we that sounds like an

ER story well I you know I just sat down I'm gonna explain this to the doctor he's got a big fucking slice down the middle of his

asshole is this where you fucked up is not letting her taking on I should have been we gotta go to the ER right now

so fucking and then for like four hours, sitting there for four hours with the crackheads. Man, you know, let me... Having... Okay, first of all, my son is like 12 weeks old now or something. And anyone who... Anyone who has to work, like has to work, both parents have to work, they would be going back to their jobs now.

Yeah, impossible. Totally impossible. That's fun. I don't know why. I can, I mean, I know the reason why, but that women have any other political, like, problems or issues at all other than, yeah, I need like another week at least,

is totally, is totally baffling, mind-bottling, mind bottling black pilling whatever euphemism you want to use for what the fuck is wrong with you you guys are going back to work now and just dropping this shit off with

like 10 other babies with people with passable background checks and this is and this is okay you have that there's that they have any other um that they have any other

political demands at all beyond no I would like three more... I need three more months. At least, yeah. At least. Get the fuck out of here. That is...

Crazy. That's fucking crazy. There's no way. He's barely even complete. I mean, you barely just notice... His ass is still cut open. It's still healing, man. Oh, that stuff's gonna come out.

If you send him out into the wild now, it's like a soft shell crab, you know? I know. I know. We were talking to some parents today. And they're like, well, I got to go back to work tomorrow. And I'm like, what? And I've goes, yeah, if I had maternity leave, it ends tomorrow.

I was like, this is, man, all the shit that I've ever been pissed off about politically, like, my money, the wars that we're in, my money again. If I was a, I mean, there's no other explanation. other than you guys, women are just fucking retarded and don't know and don't know how to like collectively bargain. I don't know. I mean, there's still sucking dicks for God's sakes. We're not doing that anymore, you know? We got a millennia ago. We stopped doing that.

Left that back in the Romans and Greek times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We figured out guys negotiated our way around sucking dicks a thousand years ago. We don't have to do it anymore. Now we just do it for fun. Women are still doing it because they have to. Side quest versus main mission.

Man. You guys got to get together. I don't want to, you know, I don't want to tell you how to run your lives, but what the fuck are you thinking? Hey,

we got to get some more of that time off. That's, not sending this to fucking sunshine daycare with Taquisha Brown. Dude, they're worried about

ball seams, man. Uh, worried about abortions. You guys are fucking retops. I mean, I get it, but you're kind of, I don't know, maybe you do one before the other because you're right.

Everybody can kind of get behind more time off. Don't take it from me. Take it from the billionaires of the Chinese people. Get it from them. Not from me. Don't take anything from me. Take it from somebody else. Secondly, there's got to be like doctors at the hospital have to have the ability to press

like a big incinerator button. so that the crackheads that are coming in there constantly for free medical care just drop into like a trapdoor and go into an incineration shoot and just get removed and deleted from the simulation. That'd be great. I can't believe what we're putting these people through as much as I love doctors, you know?

I can't believe what we're putting them through at night. Any time of day, man. mostly a night though the crackheads are mostly come at crackheads mostly come out at night we got to get some kind here's the system at night we'll take the because we had to you know we'd take the baby to anything goes wrong take the baby to the ER because then because nothing's ever wrong with the baby they want you to waste as much time as possible so you never stop freaking out at at night we got to replace the ER doctors and nurses and staff with crackheads so that when the crackheads come in they'll get crackhead medical care you know and then we could take the nurses and doctors and stuff and put them on the street

and make them pretend to be crackheads and you could just go there you as a non-crackhead and go there so then the swing shift has to reassemble everything they dismantled yeah

yeah okay that's an issue the incinerator button is the easiest fix for it um these people are being burdened These people are being burdened with shit. That's totally unnecessary.

It's totally unnecessary to give crackheads and drug addicts quality medical care. They don't deserve it. They don't. And they don't need it because they just want to die. They don't want it. That's why they're doing all the crack. They want to get patched up so they can get another fix. And it's like, yeah, we're giving them real person medical care when they deserve veterinary medical care.

Like, well, I can either. put you to sleep or like you're costing me more than $200 so you're getting put down. Yeah. Here's the stitch. Here's some $200 painkillers. What am I talking about? I don't need you to give you any painkiller. You got them.

Get out of here. Well, and a lot of time, too, it's like, here's your painkillers. Oh, wait, except you've abused them so hard. They don't fucking do anything anymore. They don't fucking work. So who cares? Fuck you. You know, walk it off.

Bitch. That and the, the maternity leave is staggering. Like, you're telling me. me you guys have negotiated you guys negotiated 12 weeks that's it that's fucking i think i think i think i could negotiate more time for a fucking hangover pay to be honest the guys need we need 12 weeks off a year for being drunk minimum minimum we got christmas well how do you think i was supposed to keep my morale up throughout the whole year yeah if i don't have 12 weeks of a lot of yeah um i don't know i don't know what uh i don't know what nick fuentes says about that but

It's really fucked. Shocking. He thought there's no semblance of anything going on around him. And it's like, okay, let's just put this baby in like someone, yeah. Oh man. These people, they're just evil. These companies are just evil. Okay, wait.

Here's a funny thing that I have. This is a Dungeons and Dragons art that they put out. uh it's uh oh that's official artwork yeah that's a gay gay wedding and dungeons and dragons land i guess two lesbians over here man a bunch of gay uh beholder the guy with all the eyeballs the giant eyeball thing and all the eyeballs on sticks still stalks coming out of them that is crazy yeah and then here's a kind of a bent weiner tower I guess this dragon is a gay dragon I assume I don't know This is like

Cal Arts student notes Man Did you remember when we were kids The Gentle Dragon was like cool It was like a bunch of Well it made you think about like Whoa some fucking like Dude in a hooded robe

In a castle somewhere Spent like years Like look at these old paintings they found Obviously not But it's like It really harkens to like like this like another world right wow like it's a different realm like i wonder what like life would be like i want to i wonder what morality would be like i see this and i'm like what kind of stephen

universe fucking bullshit yeah i look at this and i'm like wow uh do they have a spell to get rid of monkey pox what is the why is why are we eternally trapped why are we eternally trapped in this world why are we eternally trapped in stock photography world where even the magical creatures are fit into a paradigm of ethnicity and sexuality from which we can never fucking escape no matter where I look television down the street my rug I'm stuck in some sort of a Transbian Fucking Minority Transbian paradigm

Of which there's no fucking escape Yeah, this shit looks like a PBS cartoon Uh-huh Looks like a Halloween party that I don't want to be at That's scaring the shit out of me I have all the scary things I've seen This fucking spooky season This is scaring the fuck out of me

This is the scariest one yet Jesus Christ The beholders are are monstrously evil things. You don't want to tangle with them but I really don't want to tangle with the LGBT beholder. Do you think

he's got like a friendly Jamaican accent? Yeah, probably. Which is like dread eye stalks. And the gay dragon, I don't want to mess with that gay dragon either. Sounds like steam escaping. Is it a steam dragon? Is there a steam dragon in here? Very funny.

Who goes there? Whoa, is it a steam dragon? But ha ha ha. It's me, the gay, I'm a gay dragon. And he's already steampunk shit. Constant antagonism. Constant antagonism. And then here was the other thing that I have prepared.

Man, that's such a, like, talk about things going downhill and quality it's like yeah we'll just hire whoever's fucking cheap to make official art like official art what the make it is gay do you think they they hand it in one and they said no you got to gay it up a little bit there's not enough gay shit

why don't you throw in some lesbians canoodling we need more pink and light blue accents yeah so they put in some like hot lesbians and they're like no no no no no no you got a you got to uh but you have to buzz the side of the head yeah you got to you got to

You got to make them old and fucking gross. You made a... You put some hot lesbians in? Fuck you. Yeah, wait, here we go. Okay, here's the... I guess it all comes down to this one. Here is the...

Constant antagonism, and then this comes out. Thousands of leaked messages show leaders of the young Republican groups joking about gas chambers, slavery and rape, and rape. They said rape twice. in a private telegram chat inside rising GOP leaders racist chats obtained by Politico

Um A lot of A lot of finger wagging I don't know maybe it's because I'm Maybe it's because I'm so much older Than these guys Because I read through some of these chats And it's like

It's cute and childish The way they're being racist Like it's nowhere. Yeah, that's like It's nowhere near the kind of racism I've participated in online They're like saying the N word with an A I'm like dude I say the N word with A

Like probably a thousand times a day Like this little I probably say the phrase this little N word With an A probably three to four hundred times a day Referring to my son This little eh didn't eat his formula I'll say it like that This little N is tired

I'll say it like that because I don't get because it's fun to say and I don't give a fuck I know black people aren't upset by it normal people aren't upset by it only hyper um only hyper racist weirdo liberals are upset by even the

hateful N word are you calling them that yeah the hateful end oh no I was just gonna say it's like this is like care bears compared to like this is like some shit the care bears deal with yeah oh no it's mr

n words some of the most racist fucking funniest most insane jokes and one-liners i've ever heard were at work from fucking high level industry professionals who you know when the musicians are out there playing their piece

or you're doing TV cues or whatever and you're just sitting in the control room and it's you and two other guys it's like yeah did you hear the one about them it's like oh yeah that you know that took a layer of my scalp off like that was oh wow you know and then everyone walks in like who would you guys think of the take and we're like oh yeah it was great you know sound of one but you know it's like uh-huh the shit that gets said day to day that like never leaves the fucking confines of the space you're in it's totally normal it's just totally normal to talk like this and it's really pisses me off that's

pisses me off that kids, young men today are being they're being constantly antagonized and prodded and demeaned like that gay Dungeons and Dragons shit. It is demeaning and antagonizing because Dungeons

and Dragons is our shit. Guys, straight guys, especially gay guys too but normal gay guys. We like fantasizing about like fucking swords and wizardry and shit. All right? Good versus evil because the real world is not good versus evil. It's very confusing. You got to make alliances with people who are pretty fucking evil,

but they're not the ones that are cutting little kids' dicks off. So they're less evil than that. So it's nice to escape into a fantasy world where good and evil are like the guy with the big fanged monster with the giant eyeball and the other eyeballs coming out of his side of his head is a bad guy. And you get to figure out using math and send resources how to kill that guy. it's our thing but it's never enough to just have like an audience right

so these companies come in like well we can't we can't have just our audience we gotta have a we gotta have a bunch of people that hate this stuff so let's totally change it around and make it gay you know make it fat like love is blind as big let's also make Dungeons and Dragons a practical joke

thing about big fat women and sticking guys trying to make jesper guys have sex with them like well that doesn't have anything to do with Dungeons and Dragons. Just figure it out. Make it gay. Put a bunch of ugly lesbians in it. You're being prodded and fucked with all day and then you go to your only only, the only place to, you know, relieve any pressure at all. It's goofing around and making the gayest racist jokes I've ever seen. And frankly, they're embarrassing for that reason.

And if I was, if I was going to disavow anything, it's big, where's the, the monkey one made me go like, oh, I mean, that's not how you, that's not how you use that term. Yeah, I'll show you. I'll show you. And it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so profoundly sad to see it away because I see these boys who don't even know how to say racist things properly. Because it's been, it's been drilled out of their head by a big fat woman who's at a no king's rally, who spends her Sunday. at a public rally doing gunshots to the neck she's so

full of hatred right not fun hatred either the kind of hatred from there's no quenching like the kind of the kind of racist hatred that these guys have is cured by going too far I was sorry I went too far

I feel bad I shouldn't I shouldn't have said that let me find the one I'm talking about I'd go to the zoo if I wanted to watch monkey play ball That doesn't even make sense Monkeys at the zoo don't play with balls They swing around I'd go to the zoo if I wanted to wave at monkeys

And watch them throw shit at people Um Yeah that's just so like That's like English as a second with Second language level racism. Yeah, an Indian make this comment? And then I found out

that the reason all these texts got leaked. Look at this fucking jungest. Man. And now once in this article they said anything about Mexicans. You mean to tell me that right now

none of these guys said anything negative about... Not one thing. It was only about the fucking trifecta of crying online. They only said bad stuff about those. Okay. Because they can't write shit like this and throw Mexicans in there because Mexicans go, we don't

give a fuck. Actually, we agree with those guys. That's awesome. We do love Dragon Ballsy a lot. Thanks. Yeah. It's so transparent. And their reaction is so transparent. That's a fucking... It's a doozy. Look at this guy. It's a fucking bruiser, man.

Jesus Christ. You could put a diaper on him. Put a sumo diaper. on this guy his tie clip is actually a hair curler that's man and the suit fits immaculate

well yeah because the animators had to use a lot of polygons to fucking stretch that shit out oh let me find some more of their hate speech you had some back and

oh yeah I read that one something about Hitler it's exhausting the thing is is if you're gonna say shit like this. You have to make it so when it inevitably does get leaked, that it's so goddamn funny that everyone

goes, well, they're kind of right. You're never going to get, you're never going to be able to make racist comments in a funny way if you don't make them in a cringe and shitty way. I mean, but you just can't anymore. Right, yeah, you

know, it takes work. Uh-huh. Practice. You got to put in some you got to put in the time. You got to take some practice cuts you have to experience life enough and have enough personal case situations where you go man and then just let it fly you know what you know what as a matter of fact i do want to go to this uh did you look this is another one just did probably shouldn't have on my work computer looked that up uh the spanish came to america and had sex with every single woman sex is gay

sex it was rape epic so this required a whole article in politico epic what is this fucking the internet from 2008 kids

this guy's not gonna rape anybody let me find this fucking fat ass fucking countankula here look at this guy fucking booberries bag ass god

So the reason this got leaked is one of these clowns took a photo op with Trump that another one thought belonged to him so he like conspired to leak their whole stupid chat log with Politico That's fucking retarded Isn't it retarded Fucking betrayers

These small ball motherfuckers Small ball motherfuckers exactly Man Exactly Uh Yeah I don't know Everybody is

Everybody's taking their turn Crying about this All the usual suspects Did you say Hitler? Ugh That's terrible Meanwhile you got fat broads in the street Okay here's one

The Great Feminization This pisses me off as well actually Helen Angel How I came to see the great feminization is the most significant event of our century and a potential threat to civilization. Everybody's sending this around, this article from Contact Mag.

And I'm pissed because, yeah, that's what I said this first, 20 years ago. Man, I remember... Yeah. Fucking being on Pal-Talk back in the day. I always used to fuck with this guy who would hold, like, one-man radio ceremony, in his, like, chat group.

Yeah. And he would go on and on. He kind of sounded like, oh, gee, ghost. Okay. But he went on and like, the feminization of this great nation and blah, blah, blah, like almost francescy deck levels of just like schizo, like, nonstop. Like, how the fuck are you still going?

But anytime I see feminization and nation, I just like, it takes me back, man. Me too. He was right. He was fucking right. Yeah, I guess they needed a woman to say it, finally. Right. Finally, we got a woman to say it. Feminization is not an organic results of women now competing men.

It's an artificial result of social engineering. Yeah, you think? Duh. Women can sue bosses for running a workplace that feels like a fraternity house. Yet men can't sue when their workplace feels like a Montessori kindergarten. Yeah, true. This is Helen Keller Andrews. Montessori Kindergarten

That's a pretty good explanation For what workplaces feel like Mm-hmm HR department Yeah Let's see what she's got to say Anything good? Oh wow

Look at this Look at this graphic A great feminization Of this great nation, dude Of this great nation, dude of this great nation. I wish I could remember who the fuck that was, man, because that guy was a fucking schizo.

But man, it was just so fun to be doing homework. Listen to this motherfucker go on and on. Like, no way. No fucking way. It's mainstream now. Yeah, dude. It's mainstream now. It does.

It feels weird seeing it because it's, I mean, it should all be obvious stuff. Medical schools became majority female in 2019. women became the majority of the college educated workforce in 2019 women became a majority of college instructors in 2023 women are not yet a majority of the managers in America but they might be soon as they are now 46% so the timing fits

nothing fucking works dude I just remember someone in that guy's chat one time this lady was chiming in with something and he goes shut the fuck up glorious Steinem Jr. And fucking continued on his ramblings, and dude, I just, that came back to me just now. Gloria Steinem Jr. is probably one of my, dude, there she is, man. There she is, yeah. Here she is writing articles, man.

Okay, wait, do I have any more of the Hitler joke stuff? Oh, yeah, this guy, this is the guy that, this is the guy that stole the picture, It's Trump, so the other guy leaked. It's like an AI-generated photo, is it? That's like really... There are all these big fat cells. Man. Why does that...

I was like, I had a mental image, right? Yeah. And I'm like, oh, yeah. There he is. There he is. There he is. Exactly like I got pictured. Okay.

Let me see if I have anything else. Let's see. Greta Thumburg was tortured by Israel. Oh, that was... Yeah, that's pretty funny. They kicked the... shit out of her well you know

they did catch a w on that one I think yeah yeah that's probably their best PR move in quite some time Israel tortured and sexually humiliated

Greta Thumburg uh all right I read it I'll do some comments some excerpts from her interview with the Swedish paper Afron Blattet

man I was reading some of the Israeli hostage like things, what happening to them? Okay, wait, let me find those first. This one's funny too. Yeah, I haven't seen any of these really. I've been in, I've been digging trenches. Okay. The Hitler thing's crazy because so many people are like,

now deciding that we have to like get rid of all these, all these horrible racists and anti-Semites from the Trump. camp like we are the Trump camp and what are you talking about the fuck are you clowns talking about fucking clown town the guys who lost their accounts

are the Trump people okay not you fucking nerds go fuck yourselves goddamn dork motherfuckers man dork motherfuckers um alright let me try to find the Israeli ones

they did bad stuff hostage I don't have it fuck darn it one in ten Somalis in the UK are have employment oh shocker

Jesus black woman job fair mobile ads oh yeah here we go what Hamas did to the prisoners ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay, yeah, this is like a list of bad stuff that they did to them. He was repeated...

Rom was repeatedly pressured to convert to Islam in exchange for food, but he always refused. That's stupid. It sounds like all he had to do was convert, idiot. Yeah, you got it. I'm Islam. I love it. Love it.

It always... Sounds like that sounds like that was a... You problem. He had a fucking no charisma build. He was beaten and tortured. Oh, okay, yeah. That sucks. The days before he was released, his captors force fed him.

Oh. Well, that's not... They made him convert first. They also made him cook for them. That's not the same as all the other stuff. That was... I'll just... I'll read the Gretta one.

They're all over the place of stuff they did. It's really bad, but then they throw in a bunch of, like, stupid stuff. That's not... That doesn't matter. they grabbed me, they pulled me the ground, they threw an Israeli flag over me they dragged me to the opposite side of the room, I had

the flag around me the whole time, they hit and they kicked me, they moved me brutally, uh, the flag would play so that it would touch me when it fluttered and touched me, they said, don't touch the flag and they kicked me in the side every time it touched me. After a while, my hands

were tied with cable ties, very tightly a bunch of guards lined up to take selfies with me while I'm sitting like that. So they put the flag next to her and said every time you touch the flag we're going to kick the shit out of you and then the flag would like blow and touch her and they would kick the shit

out. See this is where I don't understand when people are like, but America can't treat illegal people like this and it's like go anywhere else in the world and they will not kick the shit out of year. They don't care. They're bragging about it. Yeah, they're taking selfies having a great time. Yeah.

The only thing that would really make this like fully redeemable is if somehow they had like World of Warcraft accounts and then they're like we're going to do all this to you and you have to delete your account. No and it's like and you have to level up our personal

accounts. We're going to sit here and kick the shit out of you until we're all back then you have to grind. Just grind the fuck out of you. Yeah. Since I have to be on the clock you're going to fucking grind. And you don't have a full keyboard so you can't type messages. You can only do arrows. We only have an arrow keyboard. And if I see you do alt codes. I'm going to break the fuck out of your

other fingers. The guards have no empathy or humanity. Yeah, no shit. They kept taking selfies with me. Well, it sounds like there was some degree of humanity if they enjoyed selfies. True. Yeah, okay.

The flag thing was funny. They know it's funny. That's why they put it at the top. Yeah. Pretty badass, I guess. I don't know. I don't want to get my ass kicked by a bunch of Israeli soldier guys. No, yeah. They're not that big, though.

You know? Well, some of the ones I've seen that get hired is, like, personal security. Yeah. They're like, Jesus. Like, that's not an Israeli guy. That's, like, a monster. Yeah. Like, what the fuck is that?

Like, that's what you guys got over there? Like, Jesus, fuck. No, they all come over here. Right. Over there, they just have women. Right. The money's good over here to go. Instagram models and stuff.

No, those guys are. I think I could take, I'm saying I think I could. take a lot of kicks from an Israeli woman probably from an Israeli woman from one of the fucking flag touched me right in my wiener yeah

oh no right yeah right under the balls specifically yeah just as that little yeah and then I'd come back look I got this horrible cut yeah look at the seam I got

while I was out on vacation I haven't been able to stop thinking about that man that's fucking I mean, after you get kicked a couple times, then after that, it's like a soul almost kicked out of me. Like those people always crying about like lashes, getting lashed in South Korea or wherever the fuck they're going and getting lashed. Why are you going to South Korea? Why are you going to South Korea? Why are you going to North Korea, firstly? But then after you get a couple of lashes, after you get one or two, then you're just getting whipped.

Yeah. I don't think it's that, I don't think it would be that bad. Right. It's like getting into a hot type. right yeah like the impact is oh that first one like getting your balls in the water whoa it's cold now it's fine and then your nipples again

whoa that's why I don't think like it's kind of crying about it like I bet kidding kicked a couple times by the IDF would probably suck but then I could get kicked the rest of the day I don't really I don't really care either way to be honest well the report they filed they said they kicked you a couple times

but they spent a couple hours just stomping you into mashed potatoes that's fine I don't need my head for I don't care I would be more annoyed at having to float over there just to get that

yeah that's funny yeah that's like the modern day I mean I guess this is also a modern thing too but it's like

the equivalent of going over to like one of the North Sentinelese islands yeah but can you believe they just went and killed us and fucking it's like yeah

you have nothing in common with them they want nothing to do with you and you They're doing it correctly. Yeah. Who are you? They said, that's who you are?

Cool, we'll still kill you. Even if you're someone, they, even if you're someone they could possibly like, they're still killing you. Let's see what else I got here. They're putting air tags. Have you ever been to a mosque? Oh, yeah.

Hmm. I asked that at the New York mayor debate. The communist guy asked Cuomo that. Let's see. in the date in the Democratic primary for him to set foot in a mosque. He had more than 10 years, and he couldn't name a single mosque at the last debate we had that he visited. And what Muslims want in this city is what every community wants and deserves. They want equality, and they want respect.

And it took me to get you to even see those Muslims as part of this city. And that, frankly, is something that is shameful, and is why so many New Yorkers have lost faith in this politics. Yeah, except that is totally false. I worked with the Muslim community for many, many years. Name a single mosque you went to when you were the governor. The one with all the terrorists. Look at this. Look at the size of the woman they got doing sign language.

I like that they left it fucking green in her screen. Like there's no. That's not the point of a green screen. You fucking on a real news organization. You get some Indian lady fucking throwing up gang signs all time. Look, she's fucking crippling so hard right now. Here. Before I was here

Before you were even in a state government She's just banging on other Muslim community It's insane Why didn't they Remove the background And just have her floating around On the screen like Twitch Oh yeah

Right Have her like trail like the mouse cursor So wherever they move the mouse She'd fall yeah Floating around Put her on Cuomo's head Yeah On his shoulder

He's gonna win right the communist the Muslim guy probably he's gonna win I hope so fuck New York that'd be awesome New York sucks

yeah fuck them everyone from New York is like oh New York is so great blah blah blah I'm like okay but we're standing in Santa Monica right now and you're telling me how great your fucking shit hole is so great

that you haven't lived there in 20 years yeah uh okay I see here what else do I have non-offending pedophile oh the ripaverse

has a new thing you want to watch the trailer for the ripaverse oh yeah okay it's full length all ages tail with the detention crew my home okay was everyone who worked on this put in detention afterward they should be

I'm gonna resize this Okay, there we go The J. Sully Ward My home for the last decade They thought they could rehabilitate the death to fire And perhaps they were right Prison gives you time to think To reflect

Who am I? Enjoying prison What brought me here? I was one of the most feared villains this world has ever known but who am I now upon my release back into the world I never thought that God had a plan for me man what even the creator of veggie tales right like or his wife or whatever was like

like no fucking the veggies veggies themselves cannot be Christian because one vegetables could never accept Christ but also like it's a fucking cartoon yeah yeah well they're going to hell for lying to kids yeah but the same like so for a cartoon about

vegetables to be somehow less blasphemous than this you were thinking about God you never that God had a plan for you you're thinking about God as a super crazy But who am I now?

Yeah On my release back into the world That guy has the most like 90s Fucking generic black guy haircut Yeah God had a plan for me But he is guiding my hand He is speaking directly to me

Why are they playing this music He's holding like a rosary And there's like a hot angel In a toga We didn't even get to see a hug And like walking up to heaven She just has wings What the fuck is going on, man?

Well, it's like the Lord of the Rings Like cinematic music And then we're just watching Like fucking clip art I have been chosen by him To use this gifts For a greater purpose I am called home to old Chicago

Not that I can legally stay in Texas Part of the terms of my sentence I caused enough trouble here What? He wants me to find these exceptional young people And train them to use their abilities to fight Dave's killer bread story All over

Oh yeah He fucking He's like a professor ex but with God With bread Oh yeah He's like professor ex but with bread He's like I spent all this time in prison Concocting the perfect loaf

And this one didn't come from my ass Oh my God Fight what I don't know Satan But they will be ready When the time comes Look the little Asian kids

Got bar graphs on his shirt That's cool Isn't that cool He would be in the math Fucking nerd This isn't gonna be easy This is way worse The Nazi stuff

Man Weird God stuff about It's like the Burger King crew Accepted Christ Yeah But like Who's drawing this shit? I don't know.

They got to stop. Okay, Armando says, fuck long emails. Hey, yo, what's up, Dick, and Sean. My name's Armando from Maryland. I just got done listening to the original biggest problem show, Rip. I became a dickhead now that I started a new job at the hospital. I'm about to start listening to The Dick Show. Episode one through however the fuck episodes there are.

Any dick tips for future me when I get to the episode that you read this? if you read this email thanks dick thanks shan well man you got some fucking listening to do my yeah a lot of listening to do buddy um things will surprise you things will surprise you man once the AI boom happens you're gonna you're gonna be in for a treat yeah what's the worst part of that listen probably COVID oh yeah probably COVID probably the end of a stereos that's a bad part whoops whoops whoops man

he's got so much to look forward to or not sorry this is the best I can say I guess if you listen to all of it and you got to this point finally

500 hours or 500 episodes probably 1,500 hours of listening you know if I had to do it again I would a couple things differently. If you make it to this episode,

write in and let us know your thoughts. Yeah, right in. See who's here then. Might not even be me. We could both be Skellingtons in a fucking fallout basement. Man, some new neighbor moved in. Like last weekend,

they already had a bunch of Halloween decorations up. Like, what the hell is this shit? Try hard motherfuckers. I know. The only Halloween decorations I ever had up. was the Skellington that I bought it at like CVS. That's a block, captain-ass fucking wannabe.

I know. And in my mind, I'm thinking, got to be divorced, single, newly divorced, mom. Because who else would have, right? Who else will have the money for decor, yeah? Who else has the time? Sure. Moving, that's not enough.

Let me decorate the whole house. It's not divorced dad. We know what happens there. He's ranting about numbers or some shit. Super Serbian says the sales, talk about the sales. Salesforce CEO asking Trump to send the National Guard to sand for him. Man, is he ever going to send these Army guys anywhere?

I'm waiting for the Great Pumpkin. I'm waiting every day. Army guys to show up, knock on the door. Hey, who's causing the problems? I'll go, right there. It's a little place called downtown. Get them the fuck out of here. Skid Row right there.

Dump them all in the fucking trash. Take them everybody else you encounter going that way to the ocean. Get rid of them. My favorite is the row. Are they calling it the row now? Well, that, like, development inside of Skid Row that's like, we took all these, like, all these, like, dead buildings. And it's like you walk in and it's all the industrial.

Like, we polish the concrete floor. See why this dinner plate should be worth $150? It's like, what the fuck is this? Like, who the fuck is buying any of this? Dude, look what they're doing now. Let me see if. But the row is great, because you've got to drive through fucking Skid Row to get there. Yeah.

And you're like, oh, quick, cool. Here's extreme poverty. And then here's, like, extreme, like, here's a $20, like, smash burger. Like, huh. Building. Look at what they decided they can do in L.A. now. They've made it legal to build, like, little mini skyscrapers on residential plots. I know exactly what the fuck.

Yeah. So you get this crappy looking, uh, This crappy-looking mini high-rise. Yeah. On a... And everything around it is, like, shitty, dilapidated fucking roof caving in and fucking... Yeah, on a 50-foot by 150-foot lot in L.A., they're going to build these horrible, these trashy-looking live-work, loft things.

They did a couple of those on Fountain already. Oh, man. They look like... They look like shit, and they have the fucking sideways. fucking fences and everything. It's like, oh, man. And the architect thinks it's cool that they look so bad.

So he's, like, responding to every comment on everything going, when people say, that looks like shit, he's like, thanks. And then linking to his thesis on why it's so cool to have the ugliest-looking buildings that you can.

It looks like a buoy in the ocean that's been covered in bird shit. It does look like a bunch of barnacles and bird shit all over it. What fucking... And like Ed Hardy tattoos. Yeah. that's like this is the this is the design this wasn't the the graffiti here uh the non like the uniform

uh art department graffiti that's covering the building that's on purpose so to mask the actual graffiti i guess but it looks just like it looks like total trash i can only imagine that it'll be going to Airbnb you know rent it out four grand a fucking month yeah for one for one for Like the little shitty piece you have to be in? So you come back from your carnival cruise and hop in your, uh, your little shipbox? I love the open stairs so you can get shot at while you're fucking carrying your groceries. Like, cool. Uh, okay.

Data says, Hassan is Akami. His dog isn't an actual animal in his mind. It's just a prop for a stream. That's why he was so angry with it for being slightly restless about sitting and doing nothing for four hours a day. The same way you're annoyed when an audio issue arises. Yeah, that's true. uh an android sunrise says i think that thing you're talking about is called a flapping dicky oh the thing that fucking flies up in the face let's see flapping dicky

can't wait to see what fucking shows the fuck up for this jesus oh that's it flapping dicky there it is there it fucking is yes okay a forgotten trope i don't think so well clearly not if we fucking remember if that guy i fucking remembered it thank you Thanks for writing in. Oh, shit. A dicky's a false shirt front. Okay. So that existed.

Dickies were cheap, comfortable, and easy to launder. Which made them popular at the time. But they had a tendency to flap upward. Really? Exaggerated in fiction. Okay. So they didn't really too... They didn't really roll up.

Like a fucking curtain, yeah. I want one that rolls up. how do I get that so if you were like a cheap piece of shit or a fat piece of shit and you couldn't find a shirt big enough for your overcoat you just wore that in it was like a fake shirt

what a piece of garbage hmm okay thanks imagine you're trying to drive down the road and that shit gets right up in your face like that yeah bort says ate yourself into a disability is crazy

Josh says I have the same rug well Diamond G says John Goodman stretched through a black hole

great episode gentleman sausage says that rug looks like the satellite pictures of what's left

of Gaza I think this was in the title right yeah um the lokes says I would

have loved to hear Sean's take on the Hassan dog torture I bet he would have said it was okay I miss Sean You probably would have said it was okay

He was like that's a totally fine training method Evan Brennan awesome episode Nimrod's Nizzi says Johnny dwells within deep waters Which would drive a weaker man past the edge I pray for him in his twisted algorithm Oh man There you go

Here's a woman alert Woman alert Woman alert Woman alert These women get it done, he says Oh, it's women with Women with power tools Oh, it's like a woman workshop on how to use tools

All right Find the tab of your table The tab wiggles Find the tab for your tape and give it a little wiggle Does it move? Oh, yeah. All right, why is that wiggling? It's for when you put it up against something.

Tension? Yes, yes. We will be pulling a measurement. Or we bump up into something and take a measurement like that. When I pull a measurement, I am measuring from this side of my tab. When I bump into something to take measurement, I'm measuring from this side of my tab. The tab has a thickness, and we have to account for that thickness. We account for it by the wiggle.

That's one of the reason. reasons why if you're fidgety like me you don't want to let your tape this is way too advanced way way to advance they need to be going the big numbers are the feet the big ones the big hash ones and that every foot is the same yeah one foot two foot three foot all the same foot two isn't bigger than one isn't bigger than three They're all the same. I think I watched my dad used a tape measure once as a kid and was like,

yeah, that makes perfect sense. You're loosening these rivets. You're extending the wiggle and you're making your tape more inaccurate. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. I'm sure an eighth of an inch. It's like they can never escape it.

You've got an idiot teaching bigger idiots. How to use a tape measure wrong? Okay, I've got, there's three. You guys are going to remember maybe one thing. Here's a ton of useless information. So much useless info when it's like, do it. If you're trying like this, do it like this.

Do it like this. Do it like this. You don't want to make your tape measure inaccurate. Why? I don't ever want, I don't ever want any one of these women trying to get within an eighth of an inch of accuracy on anything. Yeah. Yeah. It is really nice.

It's satisfied. Find the tab. Jesus. I do that shit with my tape measure all the time. It's fun. You know? The lesson of this is don't have fun with your tape measure. The most fun tool that there is.

She uses it so slow, too. Do I have a tape measure around here? Fucking... I was walking around the studio the other day. My friend's taking measurements looking like fucking Fred Astaire. Fucking... Oh, this? Thing, thing.

And it was like... Give me that. Yeah, he's like fucking, um, what's this for the Scorpion from Mortal Aquino? Get over here. Just getting, and I watched him take probably 30 measurements in two minutes and just get like, and took all these notes in his head. And I was just like, wow. I have never in my life heard, don't play with your tape measured too much because you could make it inaccurate.

How is that going to, aren't you going to notice that you ripped the rivet off the front? and you couldn't move it forward an extra like 8 to 2 quarter inch and be like oh yeah I'll use the good tape measure if I need to get within a tolerance of a

64th of an inch this fucking man yes the tab wiggles for a reason yeah yeah yeah all right very funny that's fucked um

Oh, I think I already. Yeah, I read that one. That one. Jay, so I was at the dentist today, and he said I was tongue-tied. It's where the little connector part of your tongue is too short. He said it causes weird problems for babies with eating and sleeping.

You were tongue-tied? He said most people who they do the procedure on our babies who are just crying non-stop for no reason. Oh, no, it might be lovely. No, he's not tongue-tied. We looked at that. He's just an asshole. We're done looking.

Looking is over Any new parents out there You're gonna be tempted to figure out what's wrong with your baby Don't Don't try We went through We did the whole week with chicken Unseasoned chicken and rice only

The motherfucker was still throwing up Still crying Um We eventually got some kind of a rice goo formula Which kind of works But then everything thing comes with the caveat of, well, he's supposed to grow out of it. So I say, I say the obvious thing, which is, well, how do you know that anything you're doing is working? And I get the same

stupid look on every woman's face when I say that. So here's from the future. If something's going wrong with your kid, just forget, this is what my dad told me. He goes, don't worry about it. You know, people live in trailers. People had kids 80 years ago. They didn't care about any of this stuff they're not worrying about baby's throwing up too much is he gaining weight and I said yeah and he goes then don't worry about it and I said well that's not strangely sage advice that can't it's not that can't be don't worry about it can't be the I can't come back to my wife with hey here's what I got you don't worry about it well I don't think he's telling you to not worry about it so much as well I didn't worry about it I know he didn't I know he didn't

worry about it it was more of a confession than advice Oh man My mom broke out the Baby pictures when I was a baby Yesterday and we were visiting them Yeah just holding a football all the time Yeah No he's doing this you know he's holding me and stuff

And the little baby looks exactly like me Like identical looks like the same At first I walked in there And I said I thought that these were pictures Of me holding my son Until I saw the size of your arm They're like a little twiggy, you look like an Indian man.

Just smoke them damn arms, yeah. It's like a fucking little, dad, these are arms right here. What is this that you got here? Not a wimp, I'm a jerk, man. Fucking anchor arms. Look like an H1B hire here that you got holding me, playing with me and going like this. That was his advice. Just don't worry about it. You're right.

You're right. I shouldn't have worried about it from the beginning. beginning. He's like, why do you think I watch football so loud so I can't hear all that shit? Now, then the doctor hit my wife up. She's like, you know, I was doing some research and I found that C-section babies have like a different sort of a gut biome because like the bacteria of the, the bacteria of the vagina doesn't get in their stomach or whatever. And I said, gross. What does that mean? They get bedazzled on the way out. Yeah, they're like, ah! Ah! No! They're like, I'm being Oh no, what is this?

It's like a don't look up when there's birds flying overhead, right? They have, they've got a new thing now where the dads are, I don't have a cup to do this joke. Okay, remind me not to drink out of this cup. Do not drink out of this cup. They give the dads a cup and like, close your belt! Close your mouth! To the baby in the stomach before they're coming out. Close your fucking mouth!

They don't, though. Yeah whatever you do Don't open your eyes Huh Don't open your eyes So She says

Well Yeah because it's a C-section So The gut biomes all Wrong and off I'm like All right I'm not gonna say

What the Joke solution to this Issue is That's not my fault That's not my fault. for so what's the solution

fucking pervert doctor sicko for leaving it out there like that for not completing the text okay so what's the solution she goes well you got we got to test it you got a test for it she goes but I get

the tests available online but I get a discount I said oh fucking yeah always fucking something man my wife says said, how much is it? 100 bucks. She goes, it's $500.

It's $4.99. Jesus. She said, what the fuck? Tell me what? Did he throws up too much? That's five days. Fuck, yeah, exactly. Five days.

I'm going to be financially ruined by this. Five days in the hole. I said, no fucking waste. Holy shit. She goes, well, do you want to hear how much the doctor charges? And he said, yes. And it was like $199 or something. I'm like, oh, man.

Three days back. But still, down two. What does it even tell me then? They're like, yeah, you had a C-section baby. Yeah, turns out, I was right. It's fucked. The stomach is fucked up. Awesome.

And he's got a seam on his ball. And he has a seam on his gooch. He's got a cut, a perfectly straight cut that cuts from his balls. He didn't take the opportunity to be like, yeah, you know, I didn't tell you, because I dropped another Diet Coke on the fridge. That was the fucking second point that I was, the third point that I was going to make, I really should have gotten all the way to the ER with the crack heads.

Got a woman doctor who probably never seen it either. Oh, shit, something's wrong with, I'm calling CPS right now. I'd be like, yeah, yeah, my wife would be freaking out. She's, they're calling CPS. What do we do? What did you do? Like, I don't know. I don't know.

CPS shows up another woman, like, oh, that's it. God damn. I've never seen such a perfectly straight You must have cut his Gouche with an axe or something Fucking turning purple Trying not to laugh the whole time Holy fuck

And then a man finally shows up Yeah We've all got those Idiots You can get the shop manual See Man what are you a tourist Fucking all these casuals man

She said well it's all in flame I said, that doesn't make it any fucking better that you said. Yeah, it's all in flames, shitting his pants all the day, every day. Fucking my Gooch would be a fucking in flame, too, if I was shitting in my pants every day. Man. It's normal. Don't worry about it. Can you believe a perfect concision?

Yeah, you come from like, come like that from the factory. I don't know that there would be something out of a vagina that surprised me. I mean, me, you know? What the fuck is that? There's a cut. What's that a boil? What's that a fucking tumor? Susan Boyle.

Coming out the top? Oh, my fucking God. What the hell? After all these years. After all these years. Man. That, I fucking love this show, man

I learned something new every day I couldn't believe it I'm in shock oh what's wrong there's like memes about that and shit even um god damn

did we see the fat woman that has a that has a speaker in her scale no did we do that one that's a good one Okay, remind me to do that. I got a ton of fat watch today. Kelsey says,

fuck off with the Amazon box for books. I collect books. And they better arrive in perfect condition. What the hell you collect books? From Amazon? What do you? Like mass market paperback? Are you buying...

Talking about fucking casuals. Fuck. You're like, they better be expensive-ass books. Not connecting the Hardy Boys or something. What do you think? The grocery store fucking novels. collecting books man you gotta have a lot of room for that hobby

that was a flex either that or she lives in a shitty apartment and has piles of books everywhere like a maze yeah because I've seen that too don't collect books don't collect anything

just collect like one or two books collect this paper that's all you go to um right hearts in the right place collecting paper you got to get naked thin collect like a couple pages you got to collect this paper though

big difference methamphroids if steve vied prison quality meth he would be vegan vampires Glenn J MLK bit oh yeah you're welcome chomey says

there's a radio station called the black information network that's right and it's all black news all the time Really? It's a great. 24-7 coverage of a black man in Memphis was denied youthful offender status by the judge, and it's hilarious. Really?

Let's look that up. That's a whole... Black Information Network. Have you seen this before? Mm-hmm. What the hell? Notice the color scheme too, Barry. Not Africa.

Always fucking Christmas. Christmas. Always this dark Christmas shit. Five years of telling Black America's stories. I thought that was Netflix's motto. How to listen to B-I-N.

B-N is the name? You got to talk over it the whole time. Their app won't play unless it hears someone talking. Or it's on speakerphone only. Yeah. What the hell? How come this how come I can't put it on my headphones? It's not

Connecting the airplay. What the fuck? God. Oh, hell no. Wait, are you serious? No, King. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a citizen.

Black teen, tackled by ICE agents outside Walgrands. Oh, it's all audio. It's not reading. A black teen says he was tackled. and detained by a massed immigration agent Warren King a 19 year old

was tackled outside of Walgreens I wonder what he was I wonder what Warren was doing at Walgreens to get tackled well they keep saying no kings and here's Warren King do you want them to tackle him and get him out of here or not

I'm telling him I'm a U.S. citizen I'm born here they didn't try to hear none of that according to the DHS the incident unfolded after agents and a white truck collided with a red

SUV they were pursuing wow really huh oh wait a minute I think I saw something about this I don't know here's

here's them getting arrested okay does every story have a picture of someone getting arrested in it you gotta like wear a coofy when you read this

Uh Chick-fil-A snubs A front page The front page is a chick-fil-A story Yeah Chick-fil-A Chik-fil-A snubs black cop Of free meal

Given to his white colleagues You're fucking kidding me! The whole black entertainment information network Is a shit like this? Black man denied his free meal At a Chick-fil-A When his white friends were given their free food

meal. A black police officer said he was humiliated after being the only member of his group asked to pay for a breakfast at a chick-fil-a, while his three white colleagues were given complimentary meals. Get the fuck out of here. That didn't happen. Tracy Reed, an officer from Clover, South Carolina, said he and his colleagues stopped at a chick-fil-a in Georgia during a recent work

trip. Well, I was four cops in Georgia for a work trip. While it's common for restaurants to offer free meals to law enforcement, Reed, who was in uniform, along with his peers, was the only one that was not offered the courtesy. So a fucking

news item on the black CNN is that a black cop didn't get a free meal? Well, it's an injustice, dick. You don't understand. This is like... You guys are really reaching. We came in together, same uniform, stood in there was never a time we were not together, Sergeant J. Gordon.

How come they didn't pay for each other's food? One of the Reed's white colleagues told him. Detective Barnett, another white colleague, said he was infuriated when Reed had to pay. He looked at his play. It looked sad and humiliated, and that made me really mad. This is like news for retarded people. Reed said the incident left him feeling humiliated and embarrassed. I was kind of humiliated and embarrassed

Jesus fucking Christ You don't need to put that part of the quote If you already quoted it here It seemed like it was a racial issue to me He said And they got fucking video Of the black guy that didn't get free chick fillet

I was kind of humiliated and embarrassed I felt like It was a racial thing and I felt like he was singled out. Only on nine. Can you just like burn in hell with this shit, please? At a chick-for-lay. A clover police officer said that he had to pay for his meal,

but that his three-wife colleagues did not. Their claims did garner an apology from the owner of the Augusta restaurant where this happened. Our South Carolina reporter Tina Terry spoke to officers about their experience. I was kind of humiliated and embarrassed. the whole situation, because it seemed like it was a racial issue to me. Plover Police Sergeant Tracy Reed had that experience. You're just like brain-rotted, man. While on a work trip a few weeks ago, he and three other CPD officers,

all of them white, went into the restaurant for breakfast. We all came into the restaurant together. We rode together, came in the restaurant together, all had the same uniform. Man, all four you should be beaten with golf clubs. Yeah. For this shit. into a chick-fil-A instead of hitting the drive-thru what the fuck they can't go in the drive-thru because they have to be able to leave right away um there was never no but i like the

idea of like fuck it we fucking would just drive over like you could those cars are meant to drive over shit yeah i know like you couldn't just like crank a hard fucking right and get out of there like come on we were not together while standing in the line they say all three white officers offered a complimentary meal. I don't know what to do about this level of fucking insanity. You got... Hitler jokes are... Hitler jokes in the Holocaust.

Black guy didn't get free food at Chick-fil-A, so let's have a big news article about racism. This is the kind of shit they made us go through in DEI stuff. Yeah. Let us know a time you experienced racism. And then it's like... Well, I didn't get free Chick-fil-A one time. That's literally things.

People were like, well, you know... All your fucking brains out. It's like we're all just kind of like watching the clock. Like, when the fuck do we get out of this shit? But it's very much like, but see, that's like a real injustice. You need to be more offended by it. It's like on the dim glow of DEI and all this, like be hypersensitive and care so much. It's like, does anyone have a stupider example of racism?

Right. Yeah? Like maybe a traffic light was yellow and it turned red for you early because you were black? Does anybody have something that fucking stupid? That they want to chime in with? Those are also real and very real injustices. Was anybody's lottery scratcher like extra tough? Because you were it because you were black Anyone have something that fucking dumb to say? How about you? Oh, oh, I didn't call on somebody. Is it because you're black? Whoa Hey man, you got to get the black baby if you're in a baby class

How fucking dumb Why doesn't Chick-fil-A just say like Oh yeah, we heard about this All those cops should fuck themselves All those cops could Stick a fire hose in their ass Yeah, they should have charged all the cops Shoot their inside

Actually all four of those fuckers Are banned from Chick-fil-A And so is the news So is Channel 9 news That ran this shit We're sick of it We're fucking sick of it That would be cool

If any of you come in we're gonna spit in your food we're going to wipe our ass with your food we're going to shit in a chicken sauce give it to you and have diarrhea we're going to eat nothing but chicken sauce so the diarrhea is the same color and consistency of chicken sauce but it will have gone through our stomachs there's going to be VOCs in your fucking sandwich

we're going to get extra VOCs from China and shove them up your ass shove them down your dickhole you stupid cock suckers where's that I would go there right now if that's what they said and well it's something so we can't go there. That's what it's going to have to be, man. It's just going to have to be because one little group chat, one little guys turn into,

well, we got to do something about these fringe rights. Like, I fuck you. We're all saying the N-word. We're all making Hitler jokes. They're on the fringe. They suck. Suck a dick. Fuck them.

Fuck you. Fuck all. Fuck the four of you. Fuck the white ones even more. Mm-hmm. Free-loading motherfuckers. Fuck everybody. fuck everyone at Chick-fil-A

who didn't pile on fuck you they have to fuck you PR that's my PR agency everyone has to do apologies and everyone involved has to do apologies but they all have to do it in blackface

so that we all know that they mean it we asked Chick-fil-A for comment and they said oh Wiese are so sorry god you can't train a racist one social media user wrote what sure you can you could train a dog every ray i bought ever yeah they have a more difficult time training it not racism is an issue of the mind and the heart so this is what who's playing the black information network

let me guess soros this is a just brain rot hot boxing racism that's because now everybody that's reading this is like the fuck i didn't give my free sandwich of Chick-fil-A, that's because of racism. This is an injustice, yeah. This is an injustice. I deserve a free chicken sandwich. Of all things to be incensed over, too.

It's like... Yeah, the guy with the job of enforcing violence on behalf of the state over citizens is crying about free sandwiches. That you're not even in deserfment of. They just give them out so cops come there. Well, KRS1

made a song called Black Cop Denouncing the like, Why are you doing the job of what a slave owners who send, you know, the guys to go, like slave catchers, basically. Like, why are you doing that job as a black guy? You know why restaurants want cops coming there? Because. Because they're getting fucking robbed by guess who? Other people that want free chicken sandwiches.

Well, are you given, yeah. Yeah. So. They clearly have jobs. Make them pay. fucking ass with this shit I can't believe the restaurant didn't want me to get my free chicken sandwich

why do you think they give you free chicken sandwich I don't know because they like police officers that's why because they just like cops so they wanted to get back to the police stupid fuck fuck them all man yeah fuck you the power of information

black information network is the first and only 24-7 Comprehensive National Audio Black News Service Dedicated to providing an objective Accurate and trusted source Of continual Outrage

You know what, Dick Speaking to people who were like Too far ahead of the game I think we need Rachel Dolezal to return I think she would heal like a lot of Isn't she doing porn now Only fans?

I haven't fucking I thought she was. I just, I like the idea that she's still out there. Like, no, I'm for sure black, yeah. I think she's doing OnlyFans. Let me see. Rachel Dolisaw. That's terrible.

Rachel Dolazzo, only fans. They got a whole, they've got a whole category for just chicken related news. Did you see that? It's a tag chicken news. Oh, that's right. She changed her name again. Oh, she did? She's Dowlo-N-Cickey?

Something more African Wait, that's not her What the fuck Oh, that is her That is her, holy shit Now she's Eastern European somehow Oh, that's right See, if she switched back

Right Yeah, I don't want to see it then Yeah, look, OnlyFans Rachel Dolazol So she's Rachel Dolis-all So she's Rachel Dolis-all on OnlyFans She should be racial Dolazol with a fucking color

Oh, dude Look Oh It's time to show decide of me that nobody else gets to see yeah literally nobody because nobody wants to see that shit I just

what she's got to do is return to her African roots and fucking come out swinging again and I think that would fix a lot of things ew her Amazon wish list is oh look at this

throat relaxing spray I didn't realize she had a singing career too that's so great. Chocolate mint throat relaxing spray is her first Amazon wish list? So you

can't tell if there's shit over it. That's insane. I think that's the most devious work yet. Item number two. Avella gel, water based, anal, personal lubricant. I don't

think you need the personal. I think anal lubricant implies that it's personal use. There's like personal, communal, like, commercial. Industrial anal lubricant. That's WD-41. Crazy Girl, water-based, cotton candy-flavored edible oral gel? Do you think fucking fat women are out there just like... Just gobbling gel?

Like, lubricant? You know, I use this. last night and what do you know son of bitch I've been eating it like fucking two tarts

I brought Loub but I ate it in the car I brought Loub to the fat orgy but I ate it all in the car rubbing it all over hands take some sift and then like ooh

like damn 54 Thrones mini African beauty shay butter intensive dry skin support that's a return to form I like it I'm in support of that

okay then a dress No, not in support of that Protein tablets, what the fuck? What the hell is this? Sit and ride vibrator, dildo with 10 vibrating modes, bitch, what the fuck? It's like lotions.

How many fucking dildos do you need? Semi normal stuff and then just Clear view, hollow anal plug? Ew! No! Man. Then six different types of gym butt plugs. Chili's cactus one even?

And then a nice dress. There's a Chili's cactus dildo. What the? It looks like a cactus, like a sagas. That's what I'm fucking saying. I'm like, holy shit. Brought to you by Chili's. It was a coupon for 10% off of a triple dipper.

Uh. That's vile. This is disgusting. Super electrolytes, citrus salt. Drink mix? No, don't get... She doesn't...

This bitch doesn't need any more electrolytes. Jesus. Ew. See, she had an opportunity for like Juneteenth related items or like, you know,

there's a lot of... You could do a really funny Amazon wish list if you're her, but this is disheartening more. This is ass, just ass lobe.

Edible ass lobe. What the fuck? That's so crazy. This is gross. Let's get a... Let's get to South to Black Information Network. Yeah.

They could do a story on it. Well, thanks for letting us know about that. Thanks a lot. Um... Alex says I had a colostomy bag since I was 17. Did I read this already? No. That's a fucking hilarious suggestion.

No, your small intestine absorbs a vast majority of the food nutrients. and I've met very fat people with colosomy bags oh yeah well the colosomy bag should go in the fat person's stomach so they don't absorb anything

Captain Cheese says that gay retard segment was fascinating thanks Johnny for bringing that in oh you're welcome did you for those of you who have been following along did you guys see that he actually well or his handler I'm assuming posted a video of him

singing with auto tune on it's pretty much just retard noises with auto tune on and let me tell you not AI it's just actually him it's actually him and he's sitting I think he's got shit all over his shirt

too and he's kind of like Stevie wondering it up in his wheelchair just rocking for it's it's pretty bad if you like that though we're doing Johnny's brain rot today right yeah I've got something much I brought in just

some real Real, hmm. Let's just get to that. I'm sick of this shit. Well, you're going to be even more sick of this shit. Wait, are we doing a little bit of Fat Watch first? Or are we going straight to the brain route? What time is it?

I can hear my son screaming. Let's do Fat Watch first. Fat Watch. Bat Watchers 3. World War 3. The Search for the Great Pumpkin is on October 29th. I brought in a couple of Fat Watch ones, but we can even save them. too because they're good.

We're getting backed up. We're getting back. Well, much like these fat bitches. They should be getting backed up. Uh, okay. This is Rhinestone Cowboy. Let's start off with something hot and heavy. It's called the wipe wand that he says.

I'll never forget when, oh my. Did we see this already? God. I don't think we saw it in action. Oh, dude. No. When, I'll never forget, when Sean called it, uh, referred to one getting,

flattened out or like a polished smooth stone and I just fucking was like yeah but seeing that action like yeah okay he calls this the white blonde in action this is a woman who's as wide as the staircase imagine this that smell that guy just took in it looks like she he lifted an ass onto the table picking he's this her uh her leg her trainer picked up her leg and put it on onto a table. She's working out. Okay, let's see that ass wiping wand again.

That was... Fuck. There it is. That's like a... I'm surprised content filtering didn't grab that just for fucking like... Dude, that's how they're wiping their ass. That's...

Why even do it? Yeah. You are just mashing it in and fucking... You're just streaking it through the folds. dude I mean these bitches need a car wash yeah after they shit they should be put in a flatbed and driven through the deluxe you know rainbow wax for a second I thought you said they should be put on a flat bread they should tell them that you got some flat bread for you out front oh did someone say flatbread zz tase knock her ass out you know fall onto the fat bread then take that ass out

Strap them down. Look at all the lesions everywhere, too. That's like... Oh. Oh, the pump. Like churning butter. Yeah. Right.

It wasn't an easy, like, oh, I just like... Quick process. That was like a... She had to blast that in. Wipe your ass back and forth. Right. You go one way. Right.

Digging it out. That's a one... If you... It's a one-way street. Yeah. Uh... I always accused people being retards and be like, oh, you strike me

as the kind of person that wipes from back to front. But this is like, it's like double-diffing the chip. I go both. I do both ways. I fucking, I just ripped that shit. Like it's a fucking lawnmower started. Jesus.

Just like the Amish. Bubba-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub. Okay, so she's working out. Churning all the sweat and fucking shit. What the hell's going on with it? Wrong with their face? I don't know Filter error

Huh That's odd Okay Jesus Okay That's a huge bitch Waxing while pregnant and fat Oh no

Oh Bro This is I got a little sick This is a woman Getting her Vagina waxed She's 300 pounds

Mice my strip ripped while waxing my client it was her first wax ever and she's pregnant that's not all okay okay

we gotta get that out of there that's a fucking okay uh oh yes a woman with a uh of Star Wars tattooed on her arm

Her arm hangs about To her belly button The backside She's got the Lord of the Rings It's Simarillion And there's Yoda For the first She

Actual size Yoda It is God damn A actual size Yoda All right Cool What's going on with this shit Uh

Finding Evie What does that mean Finding Evie? She's right there Right there It's like where's Waldo Except she's a big fat woman She stands in front of furniture

You gotta try to find her The fat woman I've been told many things over the years About fashion We've all heard what we can and can't wear Tell me something in the comments You have always wanted to try And haven't because of others' opinions On what fat women should or should not wear

Don't wear black in front of a black couch How about that? Yeah, she looks like a caterpillar standing vertically You look like a caterpillar Like the fucking hookah smoking Motherfucker from Fuck yeah

Or Alison Warner Man Tagging Lane Brian a couple years ago Expanded their sizes Oh is this like when she's doing a Lane Brian ad Look at all these fucking words That onesie looks amazing on you Damn I'm sure that's a serious comment

But calling anything fat people were The onesie is pretty fucking... That onesie. That alzie looks amazing on you. I was told not to wear stripes or overalls. Yeah, don't do that. I've always wanted a pair of overalls so she could look like the bear hugger

from Super Punch Out. Fuck. And I bought some from Old Navy on sale after Christmas, and I love them. Yeah, okay. She got oversums? Absolutely gorgeous, my friend. Yeah.

I feel like I couldn't get it off fast enough to use the potty. I'm scared. I'll get the hell out of here. Fuck. Evie, accept the fact that you are a beautiful, large, and cuddly figure. You have a lot of men and women that love and adore you. Just the way you are, babe. Accept it, babe.

You are a shining light. Okay. She's not a lighthouse. She's a lighthouse. It's the size of one. That's what she should wear, like a striped lighthouse, and then a hat. That's like a rice-picking hat. Oh, like a little flashlight that's spinning around on top.

And she could put a flashlight in her mouth. Like an apple, yeah. Okay, that's wonderful. Here we go. Liam says, fuck my life, the scale has a speaker. Well, yeah, because she can't see, I'm sure. Yeah, that's it. That's actually crazy.

Wow. That's fucking crazy. watch me way in god damn dude this chick is like totally round like hump

like uh tweedle d that's fucking shoulder pads fucking mcgee right there that's captain k rule if i ever fucking saw it holy shit oh man missing the crown and the long nose

she's wearing she's wearing a red tube top that was um that was uh a cover for a patio furniture and her bottoms are Oscar the Grouch shorts Jesus Christ

How many of If this is like a Mario Party game How many do you think they're on there? Probably about 10,000 Yeah I was It's just like All these Oscar the Grouch heads

All over her pants That's crazy If you thought cookie monster Pajama bitches were bad Wait so you see fucking Oscar the Grouch Fuck oh Oscar the fucking seamed-up, Gooch.

This actually cured his depression, Oscar the Grouch. Yeah. Never mind. It does get worse. It does. Maybe I don't have it so bad. Dude, the scale is the size of like a briefcase. Yeah.

It's like the size of a nuclear briefcase that they have in like action movies. It is, yeah. In the 90s. she's stayed bent over to fix it because she couldn't breathe in deep enough to fucking stand back up again that's pretty impressive she took like

400 pounds and bent over at the waist for that long what shape do you think her spine is in ooh like at that angle which curvature yes yeah where does the spine go this no can't possibly be that It's got to go like this.

Okay. Jesus. Oh my God. Why is it not even? Like 0.8 is a really good idea. Yeah, you really, you want to get an even measurement. When you're starting your weight loss journey from 6,000 pounds down to, you know, a reasonable 500, you really want to make sure you're talking scale.

that's the size of a table that's the size of a camping stove gives you an accurate readout it's probably the weight of the fucking scale the scale weighs a pound because it's so big you can't tear correctly she talks like people imitating Louis Anderson

why I can't get as a zero She's sneaking up on it now. She moved it. She gave up on trying to fix it and then moved it into the hallway. Jesus fucking Christ. Now she's just toying with it with one of her hooves. It would be so crazy if it moves. It would be so crazy if it moved. Oh, shit. Get out of here.

It's like, Jesus. No. Hello. You think they went through a couple of revisions of that? Hello, you fat bitch? Yeah. Hello? No.

Don't make it so excited. Make it like, hello. Like, oh, hello, Newman. Do, go watch that show. Try to get, hello, Newman. Talking to you, like, Mr. Handy from fucking following. Hey, how's it going? Like, oh.

Hello. A snarky fucking scale. It's ready. There. Fuck. It's like DDR panels. It starts smoking. Calcul.

Calcul. it's still not reading. Damn. She had to use the doorknob to get off to scale. That is Dick, you gotta think too. There's birthday cards

that could play a song, right? And hold data and compute things. Micro processors have gotten incredibly fast and powerful. For that thing to be taking that fucking long term crunch. the numbers, it's like, how do I lie? It's like, now it's thinking.

It got the number, and it's like, I can't. One at a time, please. Does it have a maximum? They didn't teach it how to say a number that big, I bet. It's got a high score, like a bop it. Yeah. Oh, dude, this is the,

I mean, this is the worst body I've ever seen. That is the, fucking worst body built like shit what is the purpose of this way in well our entertainment obviously there's no

like non self-deprecating way you can yeah I'll post this 500 5902 0. Thank God it was calibrated They got you Yeah, we were almost robbed of a fucking point too

You almost got up to 600 Ah God damn Wow This was eight weeks ago And then it cuts to an outside Shot of the window over apartment And the thing just goes crashing through

That's fucking crazy It's because you were wearing these shorts Or it's, I mean, that's at least like 60 pounds of cloth. Oscar the Gooch. Jesus. Is that a fart? There's the rubber feet on the scale. Oh, man.

Terrifying. You can still walk. There's still time. She said, I would have put myself in my health. If I would have put myself in my health first, then, I wouldn't be here right now. in this position let this be an example your life matters

um she wouldn't be fucked to death at a giant tub of shit yeah that's not this isn't putting your health first this is like an insane food addiction yeah like

heroin level there's to get that fucking fat you have to really try I think like a heart attack that's not putting your health first you know otherwise healthy guy okay what do you let's do your stuff what do you got here oh man

I hope you're ready for some really really awful shit I don't know why this week I was like you know what well I went fishing right and went to algorithm fishing and you fucking I just I think

last Sunday or Monday I fucking copy some bangers so quick and was like dude i already can't wait till sunday here we go is it in my email thank you reverend scott for that yes send your email let's see here oh yeah here we go so uh this first cliff is called woman's school uh-huh oh yeah okay what is it

Woman school? Which is woman school. Okay. And not a single one of them is fucking sweeping. What the hell is this shit? It's a bunch of women doing timed cackling. Which practice? Which practice?

What are they doing? Well, okay, so if you notice the one by your mouse, she's not even wearing shoes. Yeah, what's this one doing? She's just cackling it? Yeah. And this dirty ass. I left this on loop for like an hour and we're just laughing. why are they recording it i have you know there's some poor bastard sitting there that got dragged

along too and he's like jesus fucking christ all right my alternate title was what i learned in women's school is but i found out at least where they learn it all from they do actually practice this and okay so this one's just a chinese girl dancing to a chinese song okay retarded girl no she's chinese I don't see anything wrong with her What are you talking about? She's bringing honor to us all, Dick. I don't see what your problem is.

The lip-syncing is right on. Is she conducting an orchestra? It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. Princess. Princess Anna Lang.

It's a retarded girl that does this shit all day. It's like she's getting a blowjob here. Probably. Dick sucked by her princess. Oh, she's wearing a Halloween bow. Oh, see, Dick. We're retarded, not her. All right.

It's a pretty good coloring, I guess. I mean, she's appropriately into Disney stuff Right Yeah If you weren't Retarded I wasn't trying

To be funny You know That's You know that's This is Okay You could be Into Disney

If you're Especially able Differently able Let's see here What's this The Fuck That's great dog

Why does this Exist Well that was My first question You see In and out Cup Uh

Uh okay what's this she's singing a song I can't imagine this is going to go well happy birthday oh okay

is she gonna make it who adds to fucking get that cha cha cha cha cha shit out of here happy yeah She's been trying to blow out the candle this whole time. Thank you guys. I make a wish.

Okay. Oh, she got it. Perfect. Thank you. All right. Faith in humanity. No, AI or anything. Good.

Okay. So now we have the most divorced dad yet. Okay. This guy is fucking... 30 years ago, I had some decent athletic ability. I agree. He's like pretending to talk to someone. one yeah but he's not well now I'm gonna head over to the other 99% of life all right cool if you

notice yeah 30 years ago I had some solid athletic ability he his account's name is Midwest USA news yeah so he runs his own schizo news channel okay but he's like always driving around pretending to like be catching up with people yeah like this and it's like Dude, you're not talking to anybody. You're driving at like 50 miles an hour or whatever the fuck. Oh, wow. But I'm pretty sure there's like some child support stuff on his page too, but it's all just like him just fucking being a maniac.

Get some two and a half acres bought and paid for taxes paid for. Yeah, so he's claiming, I followed up a little bit, but he's claiming that he bought this parcel of. land. Okay. I don't know with what money and how.

Oh, and he has beef with the local government, so he keeps showing up and yelling in front of

the local government office. Okay. Dude, it's crazy. This guy's awesome,

man. He's always going on about how fucking those and them. You're one of

those and them. Wayne Brady understands. bless you and have a great life watching the Nebraska Minnesota game okay the big ass Costco party JBL speaker in the background listening to the crucifix he's always got a gold the different gold crucifix around his neck okay what a weirdo yeah but he's always like he's always driving around either pretending to catch up to the yeah see you around man and it's

it's like yeah glad to reconnect see 30 years ago oh that's the same one we just saw all right about this one all right cool you cyclops looking freak all's all I asked was if you create humans that's it all right cool he's at that same off ramp too if you noticed he goes every day and records uh he just goes and shouts yeah about that same off ramp Oh shit. No long-range missiles, bud. What's that mean? Meathead Royd rager on steroids. Can he connect those dots? Dude, this guy's lost it. Wow. No one dude. No long-range missiles. What does that mean for you?

He's just driving around, filming, looking at his phone, looking at his phone. Chewing gum viciously. Having his cross. Dude's fucking insane. But then, you know, he has his radio show where he's like, yeah, they're all over there. He has a radio show. But it's crazy, dude. This guy, like.

All right, cool. All right, cool. Well, I kicked you out of my life personally and professionally a decade. to go for exact reasons all right cool dude there's nobody in the distance oh what a psycho

yeah this guy's fucking lost it so in our in our series of divorced dads here is yet another another guy involved with you know like the local government is out to get me and my kids and they

Midwest USA News yeah this guy's awesome okay um so this next one you might like this now dick a black guy in texas uses AI to create entertainment for children great all right did we just see something similar or oh wait hang on what the fuck is rogers entertainment yeah go ahead and click play on this i love y'all appreciate the love rogers entertainment say louder y'all are amazing did you see that he fucking has this a kid hug him and like almost kiss him

this is it's a Sora video so the whole but it's like this fucking schizo guy out in Plano Texas is pretending to run an entertainment company and it's just him sitting in front of Sora all day yeah click the page is that him is that actually him no that's an AI render of him like that's actually him okay looks all retarded that's him

if you need a graphic designer I can design you as in 3D character for your album cover He's a graphic designer, all right DM me I'll be ready Peace out and Roger that But then you click on his other shit And it's all like

He's just He built this The dreamer The grinder This ain't fantasy This is legacy I'm Roger's entertainment Welcome to dreams

Version of me built this So he goes on to make This like Here's this Here's me doing all this and then he's like trying to be inspirational to kids but it's always him being celebrated by kids and I'm like

he needs to be on a fucking list you're a fucking serial killer dude this guy is fucked he's fucked because like look go up and like look there's all what the fuck is this bro this is what we build together

why does he have all these kids why is there 20 kids why right he's AI General to fuck out of him around all these kids always, and it's like... Going Rogers, Rogers! Saying this is how we create dreams? This is...

Dream big, create smarter. Dude. And again, it's just a guy typing shit into a computer all day. It's not like he's creating fucking anything. They chanted my name, but this moment ain't about fame. It's about legacy, black heart. Every kid in Dreamsville... Is this a black...

Is this the black Chris Chan? But kind of, yeah. Every kid in Dreamsville reminds me why I started. I'm not here to flex. I'm here to inspire the next generation of creators. Does that have, has anyone coined that? I'm not here to flex. I'm here to inspire the next.

I think he got it. He's a genius. Because when they shout Rogers, they're really saying, I believe I can make it too No one's shouting Rogers though It's a bunch of computers Right

This guy is Off to fucking defense From the upcoming animated feature Follow Your Dreams kid Is that an upcoming feature? That's like the most autistic fucking title I've ever seen For anything

Dude Johnny This only has three likes What did you discover Bro You've discovered something You've discovered something Really remarkable here

Dude, what I fucking found this That's why I was like, I can't wait for it to be Sunday already Like this is He made this 19 hours ago? Yeah This guy is fucked Y'all keep dreaming Fist bumping little kids

What are you building with these kids? Right I mean to reintroduce myself I'm Rogers entertainment The Mind Behind the Magic I build worlds inspired dreamers and bring imagination to life this ain't just a brand, it's a movement

like he a-I'd himself in this watch his shirt backwards he can do everything except the fucking thing he claims he could do he does all these AI videos with him and Jake Paul too what counts is that bounce back

that moment right there that's growth don't quit keep pushing one day you'll say I did that the end Peace out. Roger that. Okay. He's got...

What counts is that balance. It's so... Why is this kid doing basketball in a ballet studio? With a mirror. Look, man.

Mirrors in basketball. It doesn't matter if it makes sense. All I know is just get these guys behind the fucking AI machine. Whether it's... Love it. Turning and flying into heaven or fucking... Right there.

That's growth. Don't quit. Keep pushing. One day... Is this really his voice? No, that's AI. Like, so he does AI of himself constantly, and it's like, what the? Are you trying to?

Uh-oh. It's doubt. Self-doubt. This is Detention Club part two. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's fucking full-on retard fucking sit. But, dude, this guy needs to be on a fucking list. Go up this way, everybody.

We just, right? Oh, there you go. 140K viewers this morning. Oh, that's Sora, too. It doesn't stop. Also, if you need to be on a fucking list. need a cartoon music video, DM me. Click the one to the left.

Or that would, I guess. Or no, above. Yeah, that one. He's fake signing autographs at a fucking convention. Thank you so much. You're welcome, black you can't by. How you don't, man?

Like, it's all AI. Like, he's trying to dream it into existence. That looks awesome. This is why we're, this is why electricity Costs so much? Yes. So schizophrenics can

fucking retard Can make these videos all day? Can hang out with virtual kids. Maniac shit, dude. This is fucking

weird. All right, here's all the kids. 100,000 viewers live right now. Dude. AI, too. Let them know who it is.

That's the energy. Keep it coming. I love. Brow. What is it with these guys from Texas, man? I don't get it. This is him and Jake Paul? Or is this Logan Paul?

This burger hits, man. Did you just bite my cheeseburger? Uh, I thought it was up for grass. Oh, that was mine. Give it back. Mm, this burger hits, man. A second, did you just bite my cheeseburger? Uh, so he's up for grass.

So he's doing self inserts with Jake Paul in fucking. It's like, dude. We've talked about Black Chris Chan before, but I think this guy like might. wait a minute he made all these videos in six days he made all this shit in one week bro he's insane yeah he's like a fucking lunatic man like he's just crazy look at this shit he's just posting this crap on Instagram all day

it's just fucking ruining it for everybody this is his movie roll bounce his little bow wow and Nick Cannon rolling back the vibes Roll Bounds. Reimagined in 3D fan art. Oh, is that an actual movie? Roll Bounds? Yeah.

Oh, boy, okay. But he's like, see, I made AI versions. Isn't that cool guys? Okay, kid and play. Is that the end of his? No, he's got more. Oh, yeah, there's, he has his own original characters. Okay.

Like WD over here. I think that's Willie D. And just fucking, dude. this guy is Wait this is a real him That's the real him Okay It picks on short

Here's the example Yo what's the deal Everybody This is just here Irving Fidders LLC Breathing into the fucking phone mic If you need anything Fashion

Accessories Electronics Let me know I'm the owner And I'm the deal maker Don't let your pockets be a deal breaker Have a blessing Prosperous Day Jesus cry

I didn't even see that one That's fucking You see why I was like man I can't wait till next Sunday This is fucking What a weird This guy is broken He's fucking broken

And his obsession with like Yeah I'm just doing kids media And it's like I want to see more kids I want to see more kids I want to see more of his dream bill that he's making It's more up at the top type shit Like that's good dreams bill

Y'all came out strong to them I see you I hear you and I appreciate Oh that's his That's supposed to be to him yeah With hair Why does he want to tell kids To believe in themselves so much? Right

Like it's like it's that very autistic Like this is going to be the thing That saves the world type shit And it's like You're fucking, you're actually insane. You're nuts, man. Like, really. It's like the fade in between logo, but no, like all the fucking, that one's pretty good.

Like, everything he drops to people, he inspires everybody straight up. For real, one day, I'm gonna be like him. You just watch. Dream big, right? Dream big. And the way he talks to people, he inspires everybody. Go forth and talking. There's a bunch of little kids talking about him?

Yeah. Zap to the extreme. dude this is the same shit Eric July says that's what it's exactly the same that's why I phrased it this obsession with like it's crazy dreaming big and follow your dreams to retarded people it's like I need to be someone people look up to and it's like you could just be like someone you can even nobody yeah you can just fucking yeah you could not how do you make your cartoons oh this is good with a lot of patience and even more imagination Like, I kind of want to see him finish some of this shit.

Like, if we ever got a sequel to Food Fight, it's this guy. But, how do you make your cartoons move like that? He doesn't. It's the computer. Right. It's the computer doing it. Sora's doing it. He's like sitting behind Sora and he's typing it in.

I'm basically like Steve Jobs meets Walt Disney meets like, he's like, I'm basically everyone. Well, there was some, uh, some, um. like AI idiot got mad online this week and he said someone who was stealing his idea because they made like a video where it was they said like transition from day to night

and then in their stupid Sora video the cartoon transitioned from day to night while the little girl was sitting there and he made this post like oh this I can't believe this you'd steal my idea with no credit and it was it went all over the place because it's you know humorous

that an AI person would think their idea of going from day to night is like the key not all the animation that you're ripping off from people the computer's doing like they think they own this somehow and it's it's they do

like they're that they really are that stupid AI people are sick yeah they are they are all this in my mind they're the kind of people who would like go to a movie and say like I had this idea and then tell you like that they re-had, like, the idea of the Matrix, except it wasn't, it was

just like, yeah, I had this idea that we, like, lived in a computer. It would have been huge. Who gives a fuck? Well, you know, I would have been big in football, and then I got that knee injury, so it's like... Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is like that. It's that same kind of... It's like the modern version of that.

I'd be big in creating, but I don't know how to create. Yeah. Or do anything. Well, this guy does it all, apparently. Okay, what a funny guy. So this last one. I have two fat watches after a movie I have time but um unk fucking maxed

not unk maxing this is unc maxed hit the fucking audio on this too there's not much but how do I get it to play audio right away I don't know he's like on a on a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

he's like going down on a ho ho on a on a cup on a ho ho cupcake Oh god I hated this So fucking much man I fucking scrolled past this And was like, darn, come on

Like no He's at a fucking Public Park Filming himself Filming himself eating this cupcake Out of fucking crazy one That's a crazy one I mean you can hear people having families and stuff

Having fun around him He's just eating his cupcake in a gross I've never had a cupcake that good in my fucking life. I've never had anything that good. Right. What a fucking gross asshole. That is uncle maneuvers of the highest degree. Like, hell yeah.

You're fucking disgusting, dude. He, well, so he has more videos like that. There's more where he breaks a twinkie in half, and he's like that too. It's crazy. This guy is fucking crazy. Zero likes, yeah. Zero likes is about right. Yeah.

I'm about to give me a black marker, draw on my face, put some sunglasses on, some dark sunglasses, and dance in my boxers. Do you want to see that? Yeah. Oh, bitch. it got me that one more one more oh yeah there's oh there's a cupcake one oh there's a twinkie one over to the left like

I'm telling you man I'm telling you Oh, the other one, oh, come on. The other half of the Twinkie. Truly. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. At least he's doing it in his own house. At least it's in his own house that time.

All right. That's horrible. So he won Unctober. I'm assuming he's probably barefoot in all that activity as well because the only thing more unctastic than doing something that fucking scandalous in public like that is to also be barefoot.

Okay. That's the show. Patreon.com slash the Dick's show. This is Hardman working hard. Go to their Patreon. Dick. That show. Thanks, everybody. Here we go.

Fucking gross. That's fucking disgusting. I was so upset when I saw that. I almost said it to you directly. I want to do it because it was funny. I thought it's gross. It's disgusting. Maybe it tastes better, though.

What's up? Maybe it tastes better, though. You get it like that? It grosses everyone else out, probably. It grosses everyone else out, probably. He's stoked, he's eating pussy later. He's getting it, and he's crazy. Oh, yeah, his life.

Yeah, he knows what he's doing. And his mind. Super Bum. Man's Field, Ohio Super Bum, this is called. It's awesome. Yeah, it is awesome. Do they have lyrics for it? I don't know.

Maybe it's for, this might be for, this might be for He-He-Hee-Silly. cartoon. Silly poo. Cartoon. Doctor one. That's cool. Dr. Mans. I don't know what it's called.

Dr. Mansfield? Something. Doctor something. Doctor something. She takes up the whole frame On these Look, every picture is exactly the same Because she's the size of the frame

She takes a different picture every time But it's all exactly the same Because she takes up the entire lens Oh, God All right, goodbye, everybody See ya Ugh.