The Dick Show - Episode 484 Dick On Hippo Violations

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

A fat woman complains about her health insurance, 50 year mortgages, a "rape chart", women and Communism, a racist's racist, losing at paintball, and a guy has a terrible girlfriend; all that and more this week on The Dick Show! 

What? What Mexican food is dirty? According to him. Well, that's all of it. All of it? It blew me away. I was like... How was he eating it? Shoveing it up his ass? He wasn't. He wouldn't touch the stuff.

Because it's too dirty? It's too dirty. And I'm like, where are you from again? Are you from the... Shittsylvania? Fucking shit in backing people. How many toilets do you have in your town? One?

None. None. A live show. I got a good feeling about the tech today. Dude, I have a rage for you. Okay, what is it? Fucking, well, we're going, so I can all... Yes, we're amazing.

Is this working? Let's make sure this works first. I think it is. Okay. Okay. This worked. Yeah, okay, buddy. I got a fucking rager for you to do.

You know what pisses me off? What's that? Mr. Masterson is beating the system. Yeah, you've mentioned that before. Yeah, you and I have tried many a time to beat it and have succumbed to following. it. Now, here was me once again

being trampled by my own what'd you do? Artard. Yeah. So, you know, especially with where you two are at with the baby right now, right? Yeah. Hell. Hell. It's one of the levels. It's the level of the tenth ring of hell. Correct. Now. Which is,

ha-ha, that's a god's. Ha-ha-ha-sucker. Yeah. Actually, you should have done the opposite of everything that I've been saying to do. Correct. That family shit was actually a joke. Ha-ha. Right. You had it right the first time. Don't get married, don't have a kid. Well, so here's... Fuck you.

Where I'm going with this, right? Every minute, every second of sleep is crucial, right? Oh, don't even fucking talk to me about missing sleep. I'm not... Mr. No... Mr. No living with a baby, no wife. Not

not living with your girlfriend, ass, motherfucker. Let me tell you something. I get that. You know what I thought? You know what? I had this... I had the most crystal clear thought I've ever had in my life. Like, I was Dr. Manhattan sitting on Mars and I had this thought in my car driving up to my parents'

house for my nephew's birthday. My nephew's paintball birthday this weekend which by the way I shouldn't have done because I'm feel like I got hit by him. I feel like Tony Gwynn, Mark McGuire cracked me right in my lower back with a juiceed up out of his gourd.

Hat bursting at the seams. Just chiseled a fucking wooden bat right into my lower back. That's how I feel after my paintballing experience this weekend. See, that's... And you don't know, you want to know it's even worse. I was the worst adult out there.

I was the worst dad out there. You have real guns. What the fuck? There was one game. It was kids versus adults. And my nephew's paintball game? Kids versus adults, right? And you got to go, if you got shot, if you get shot, you got to go wait on the side.

Yeah. So I get shot right away. Because I'm not good at first-person shooting games. Fair. I got to be able to be on the side. And I'm sitting on the side and it fills up. Kids start walking off the field to getting popped by the adults one by one. I'm like, hey, what's up, kids?

You know what's going on? Oh, yeah, okay. And I'm on no sleep because my baby got sick from me even though we tried everything. My wife took the baby away for a couple days. We tried everything, but the baby still got sick from me. Well, I saw the baby drinking alcohol last week, so that might have been. That must have been it. So I'm on about 10 seconds of sleep.

for the week and I'm sitting there talking to these kids and then the ref goes all right game over that's game and I look around and I say wait a minute I was the only adult that got shot this is embarrassing that is embarrassing for me

anyway I had the thought the crystal clear thought driving away from my wife and sick kid and my wife is getting a little sick too I could I could tell like I could I'm like Wolverine to the cornfields for that one they're sick together

I wish them both to the cornfields Yeah, I duct-taped it shut. Yeah, back to your parents' place they go. They're in, I'm like, I'm out of here. Well, see, I gotta go to the paintballing birthday party. Obviously, you, I almost said the Fsler. Almost you two can't. That's how I talk normally though, you know?

Same, yeah. That's how we all talk normally. It's how all millennials talk. I'm a millennial now. For real. Because it's normal. Saying the F slur and saying the N word With the A, sometimes are.

It's totally normal. Most times are, you know. Yeah. It depends on who cuts you off and how severe in traffic it is. But, you know. This little, uh, and I had this crystal clear thought driving up. I was like,

this must be what divorced dads feel like. Because I was in, I turned on the radio. I said, fuck you Moonbeam station, Bop, and I put it on 98.7 or K-Earth 101 Classic Rock. And I hear, like, I'll never be your woman pumping through my...

Fuck, yeah. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. I'm like, yeah. Man, White Town had that hit, man. Oh, I'm thumping the fucking wheel with my thumb. Yeah, yeah, I'm going like this. Even though I don't have a cigarette. I'm going... Yeah, cool. It's freeing.

blowing out fake smoke I'm going this is what the divorce dads feel like no it's not what they feel for about six hours yes the greatest feeling in the world then when they go home to a microwaved fucking meal on a plastic fucking plate and plastic silverware they're going

I'm gonna fucking kill myself today yeah you're a fucking divorce dad's thing that was so stunk into my because all this time I'm like every time you say it I'm like uh I don't know and as soon as I was driving I'm like, I get it. I get what he's saying. I totally get it.

It's just like when you, it's like when the bottom finally falls out in life, right? And like post-marriage and kid, and you're like, man, I'm already down bad. And then the fucking, now you got al-a-lodin on top of you. And then all the sudden, Credence becomes the greatest band ever made.

Yeah, man. It's great. Anyway, what were you saying? Well, so here's my thing with system beating, right? Sleep is essential. And with all of the shit I've been having to do lately, nothing near as intense as what you're doing, but lots of... Come on, that's not what I teach you, boys.

It's always even worse. What you're dealing with is even worse than what anyone else is dealing with. There's Master Sin in your name. Don't be conciliatory towards my shit. I'm just the Pro Tools guy. Right. But in being the Pro Tools guy, I'm like, man, I just need like an hour of sleep. Just give me an hour.

So here is my fucking... anti-system beating tactic that I gambled on and lost, right? Okay. You know, again, with the baby, with everything going on. Right, right, right. When you're just like, you know what?

I'm going to take a piss with lights off because then I don't wake up. There's no lights. I'm not like, I don't have to reset the circadian rhythm. I don't have Okay, yeah. Now, my bathroom is kind of like a long, like shaped kind of ordeal.

Yeah, long penis. Like I'd have a long bathroom. It's the only way I could turn the corner. And so... I got an airplay install over here. I hate it. Yeah. I got to like back up.

Oh, yeah. Back in, like a dog trying to get a stick through the... You know? I got to go back up. It's a fucking pain in the air. Pain of the other. I get in here. Yeah, anyway.

And so I'm like, you know what? Right as my eyes are about to close, the fear comes over me. I go, oh, no. I have to shit. Okay. Get up. I'm like, fine, whatever. Long day, ate, dinner late. What a fucking... Yeah, you got to shit. And shit happens.

So I go in and I'm like, you know what? Brilliant. I am going to shit in the dark. Because then... Yeah. Take all the time in the world. It's close off. Fucking... That's what I do. That's cool. Even with the lights on. Two doors. Two doors. Got to have two doors. Two doors. Lights off. Two doors. Clothes off. Mask on even. Didn't even check if there was toilet paper. Even worse.

Yeah. There was toilet paper. I had a whole... fresh pack of toilet paper because now I used to be the world's greatest runner dude still am I stock everything fucking everywhere couldn't believe it now me and all my fucking wisdom and man I'm the fucking smartest guy in the world I got everything I need right here

didn't even bring the phone with me so there's no light you didn't bring the phone with you no I mean that's gross you raw dog to shit a dude wow because I was like you know what I'm just gonna I'm gonna so not do any extracurricular thing right right right that I just go take shit go back to bed

I'm gonna zen out. I'm gonna go along on the toilet. I'm gonna get shit and I'm gonna pass right out. Go a header into the shower, a glass shower with the marble, crack my teeth. The best laid turds of mice and men, right? However, when do you know when to stop wiping in the dark? I had to get up in shame, hobble over a couple feet and turn the fucking light on anyway. And it was like, I didn't even have my phone on me to like mitigate the lights.

Now I have the brightest. This is a low point. It's a low point of broadcasting. It's a low point of... How do you know when you're done wiping? Well, they... In the dark. Yeah, no, I get it.

I get it. But that's the thing is... Because you don't know. Not 100%. Even with the light, you never know. Yeah, that's true. Some could come out. As a fellow IPA

enjoyer. Yeah. Again, I was just like... Oh, man. I just need this few minutes to just, you know. Yeah. Just need to go back to bed.

Nope. Fucking stayed awake for two more hours. Then I was pissed. I was like, why am I so retarded I didn't turn the fucking light on? I don't know. Self-immolating, but... You had to waddle over the light? It was the most shameful thing.

Penguin walk? Fucking. Fucking Oswald. Oswald Cobble pot on over there. Just fucking, man. Shameful. Is that thing? Yeah.

You want to think you'd love to You got it. It's a show where I'm a lot of the city of failure. Miaoasik Mastrichtmaschson, aka the $20 million man. Joining me as always is this world. Johnny the audio.

Angloneer, engineer. Johnny the idiot engineer. That's very much me after this last incident. You know what I realized, man? All cats might meow the same in the dark, but all shit swipe the same in the dark too. Well, you should, I mean, I don't want to get into,

you should be kind of able to tell. Your anus tissue should tell you. should tell you, should speak to you. It does. It should give a little, no more. You know, and there's no more. But it can trick you too. That's the old, that's the thing. Could I have some bad anus working against you. Would you rather go to sleep peacefully, a slightly more awake, knowing that you did the job?

Man, I'm, I, when I, when I'm putting my son down this week, because when babies get sick, they're up, they're up all night. It's really wonderful. And then you're just constantly afraid because they're going to stop breathing. So you're like, there's no fucking way. How are you going to have a cold? Your nose is like this big. Like, where the fuck are your, how are your little sinuses going to take this, man? What the fuck? No!

And he's like, ugh, ah. So my wife takes him to the doctor. And the doctor says, well, he's, you know, he's sick. How are things going? And my wife says, actually, since he got sick, he's acting totally normal. He's not crying. He's not screaming all day, so it's been great. I don't know why I'm here.

And then the doctor said, well, you got to look out for this, this one. I was like, yeah, okay, yeah. And she brought him home. He was, he was fantastic, except he's up all night. So I was, I would sleep with shit. I would sleep with a pants full of shit. If I could take, if I could just get 10 seconds between, put him down. Well, that was a thing.

It was like Bob Barker, putting him down. Ah, and happy Gilmore. That was the whole point of keeping the light off. Like, I'm gonna just sneak in, sneak in. No. System fucking remains. And I stupidly, I did this paintballing excursion,

which I shouldn't have. They should warn you. When they took my ID, they should have said, you're too old for this, man. Are you sure you want to do this? They really should have on that one because that's like,

you can't be the only adult out. Well, I'm also the oldest. of the adults. All the, you know? So it's even worse for me. They say, the ref says go. And I start fucking trundling down, you know. And I'm feeling like the boulder in Indiana Jones running down to take cover.

And then I get to the cover, which is a box, you know, a wooden crate or something. And there's dirt everywhere. And I start to stop. And the gravel just gives away. And I'm like, whoa. Oh, I hear that Looney Tune sound of my head. Dicudoodoooo doooch doooch doooch do get right? And I'm like, ah, I just hear my, I can feel the jagged edge of the wood.

Penetrating my face. Like, ah, God, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. If I get there, I'm like, okay, we're not running again. That's what we're not doing. And then I crouch down to take some shots and then I get up to run again. I'm like, oh, no, okay. So we're not running or bending over for the rest of this game Walking paintball

Got it got it I tried to drink it off but then I'm like oh shit I got I gotta get back to my kids I walk in and my wife goes I've had enough Kid stuff it's your turn now I'm like Uh shit I drank three I drank two whiskeys and one gin I'm not I don't really want to do that can I just sleep

It says no Oh man So I grabbed my son who now feels like he weighs about 50 pounds. It's cursing this fucking paintball excursion. I can't go to paintball anymore. Why not? Last time I went there may have been an incident. Dude, it's full of assholes.

We had a private party, so it was fun. But as we're walking out, the next people coming in, I'm like, I remember why I stopped doing this. I fucking hate. Some kid blasted me in the next. with a frozen pain ball. Oh. And I was,

it looked like someone actually shot me because I was bleeding through all my clothes. Yeah. And, uh, he also learned what brute force impact

feels like, too. This one motherfucker, one dad brought his own equipment. I was like, all right, I got a problem with that. You got to watch the fuck out

for those guys. So then he goes on the other team. I'm like, all right, I'll get this guy. We do teams. And he starts shooting at me. And I hear the bullets

yeah, whizzing by my head. I'm like, I haven't heard payballs whizzing from anybody else. Hey, go. Like this, what the fuck is this guy shooting? Is this a regulation goal or what? That's the thing. Is some of those newer ones? Like, even when I... You're supposed to turn it down. You can't turn that shit all the way up.

Man. You can't turn it down. You can't shoot kids in 600 feet per second. Some of the old Tipman ones. Clock this motherfucker in. Yeah, you could turn them the fuck up. and just like actually like just go gunning people. It was like, I'd get an Allen wrench too, buddy. We'll see, we'll say two can play at this game. Dude, gnarly.

I did have one win. The drinks? No. The drinking is just such a bad idea with a kid, man. I really, it's, they're supposed to be sleeping through the night now. All the, all the, all the fuckheads on Facebook that are talking about their kids all the time to say they're, oh, they're sleeping through the night now and we're going out to the, Farmers Fair and we're going to the gay pride parade and we went to the drag queen brunch and shit and it was just great.

I'm like our kid is our son is not sleeping through the night at all. He doesn't even sleep through commercials. He's fucked. Something is wrong with him. He just wants to be up dicking around and then I get yelled at because I go in there to change him at two in the morning and he's not screaming while he's getting changed. I'm like, all right, because he thinks it's so funny that I'm touching poop. So I'm like making faces at him and touching his hands and stuff. He's like, ah, ha, ha, ha, right? And my wife comes in. She's like, what do you fuck? What are you doing in here?

Two in the morning playing around. He's supposed to be putting him to bed. I'm like, I. What the fuck are you doing in here? Get out of here, you. Everybody, go the fuck to bed. Everybody go to bed. Now, that's why, honestly, I can see the appeal of church now.

I totally get it. And maybe we're going to start, maybe we're going to be a church family because it's going to go like this. All week, it's going to be. Hey, what if I buy this? Should we buy an organizer for the shoes that goes in the front? Maybe it's time to repaint the room of the house. Did you check on the car insurance quotes?

Ah! That's my life normally. But when every morning, when church rolls around on Sunday, I'm going to go, Hey, everybody, you two, shut the fuck up for the Lord, because you can't talk in church. Shut your mouths. Shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear about anything that needs to be bought.

And I don't want to hear anything from you. We have to worship Jesus Christ. Shut your mouth. That's the point of church, I realized. If I ever saw someone lose it like that in church, I would sit behind them every time. Hey, shut up! I'd be like, this, I'll be to a point to my family. You see this guy gets it.

You're next. He's going to yell at you next. Stop talking about stuff we have to do this week. None of those words are in the Bible. Shut the fuck up. We're talking about Moses right now. talking about psalms uh i'm gonna split your fucking wig like the red sea if you don't shut up because we're in church and it's disrespectful to be talking about whose barbecue we're going

to this afternoon so stop talking about it in church no barbecues after church in the bible jesus christ didn't get to go to any barbecues when the jews killed him i mean the romans He only got to go to one supper. What the fuck? Tucker Carlson's warping my fragile little mind. I had one good move. Oh, that was... That is so...

I had one good move in paintball because I suck it. I suck at first person shooting games, and I suck at them in real life, too. Always my ass is sticking out, or my wiener's sticking out on one side. I can't get behind stuff, and I can't crouch anymore,

so I can only go... Oh, what's that Pokemon that's a tree? Woo-woo? Oh, uh, Sudawoodo. I'm like pseudo-wudo. I'm like those guys in Super Mario 2, the cactus that are like, do-do-do-do-do, do-do, do-do, do-do, from hiding spot to hiding spot. I'm like, well, I can't get behind the car. I'm not bending over. I'm not crouching over. So, I guess just kill me. Son of Slender Man. I'm fucking Slender Man out there. I'm Slender Man and fat man. Slender Man's brother, who's all so tall, but he's so fat. They don't know him from his tallness. Formerly Slender Man.

Formerly Slender Man is my name. I'm the great ghost of fatherhood future. Dude. Hey kids, don't take it for me. Start earlier than 45. You're back. Well, thank you. I'm just waiting for the day I get the text that says,

hey, what are some good wood-sided speakers for the garage? Gonna be out here playing fucking born in the Philippines by Bruce Springsteen. I want all veneer. What's the finest veneer? Who makes the best veneer? Not necessarily the best looking, but the best worst looking from the 70s. Yes.

So So the fucking fucking James Bond The guy with a way tuned up gun It's like all right I'm not, I don't want to get shoot by this Obviously tuned up guns. It's never fun when those guys show up

It's like all right dude I I know what's happening here You fucking crap You crank that shit up. Nobody's going to stop it. All right. I'm not going to get involved.

I saw a custom cart at a go-cart track and was like, dog. Like, just drive your fucking car on this. Like, at that point, like, what the fuck? I liked it when he was on my team, though. I was like, we had to pick teams. I'm like, that guy, the guy with the juice up gun. Get over here.

Yeah. The guy with sponsor gear on, let me have him on my team. And then we had mixed teams. A kid was on my team. And he was, me and him were like going up one side, and he got way out in front, and I, like, I reflexively went to shoot him

because I knew it was adults, it was adults for his kids before, but then it became mixed. And I went to shoot him, and I was like, oh, shit, he's on my team. I said, I fuck it.

Yeah, fuck him. And he goes, what the hell? I'm on your team. I said, oh, shit, I'm sorry, I'm not good at these games. That's the best one.

At the end, at the very end, that guy, is a cool guy. He went in, and he went into the storage container where all the kids were hiding, you know,

like an Israeli soldier. You know, I went in there. He went in there, like Gaza. I've seen videos like this, I think. Like a bunch of Gaza and a bunch of Palestinian kids were in there, and he goes, they gave us like surrender rules before the game. Oh, yeah. The surrender rules where if you get back in somebody, you can say, you know, surrender. And then they'll hold their hand up.

And then he goes, and, you know, you don't have to hold your hand up, though. You could try to shoot your way out. I'm like, what was this retarded thing that you're telling these people? Calvin Ball. Calvin Ball. So I hear it in there I hear him in there going You know do you surrender

Because he doesn't want to shoot the kids With this fucking laser gun that he brought He's like oh okay Do you surrender Do you surrender And all the kids are like Ah ha ha you know They're all coming out

And the four of them You know they start walking out And then I hear Doo do do do Oh fuck They walk out And the ref goes All right game over

Game over So the kid, one of the kids just turned around and shot the guy in the stomach And I'm standing there and the kids are scanning about where you are and the ref goes what the hell was that? And he goes The kid goes I didn't surrender You know he's laughing and he's like what a little fucking asshole that's right? So the ref goes to me and the kid he's like Okay, well You guys are the last ones here. So If you go back to your positions

We can restart the game and me and the kid kid looked at each other and then just went I was like there's I don't I'm not fucking walk I'm not turning my back on this little motherfucker motherfucker blah blah blah blah blah What the fuck do you think you're talking to here? I felt I was like I was like man

this kid doesn't realize but this is exactly like a John Wu like face off thing this is fucking that was the coolest I felt all day that was the opposite of oh shit I'm too fat to stop running for cover boiled on him okay if you guys just get back to your positions I looked I could see as Beady the lies

And you know, I could Bing bong I love it I couldn't 30 minutes drive to my parents I was like couldn't even walk I could barely get out of my car Man

I should sue them I should sue them You know what We need to go down there in Unc Max Show them what paintball is really all about They want to fucking play paintball? I don't know I don't want to...

We can't fucking play some goddamn fucking paintball. I don't want to... I can't. I don't want to play any paintballing. I don't want to play, but I will. In the name of Unking. If you can dodge your wrench, you can dodge a ball. They're saying...

That's true. A lot of stuff happened. GTA got delayed again. Man. I have... It's got to come out soon because I can't... There's some age where my son gets that I can't play. Right.

It's got to be like right now. wouldn't know what the hell's going on. Yeah. Like, wow, what's going on? Like, I don't know, man. It's like, people screaming about stuff. I'm just watching the news, yeah. Watching the news, man. It's crazy, man. Have you seen those videos where it's like guys playing GTA 5 and they're like telling their grandma? It's like some old Mexican lady like, this is the actual news right now. And they're like, oh my God, like Mijo, can you believe in it's like a guy shooting a helicopter down and shit? Uh, let's see. Oh, 50 year mortgages are out today. Ooh. Does that sound like fun? No. You could finance your burritos?

Cool. Get a 50-year mortgage on a house so you could never never pay back. Unbelievable. You know what's more devastating than that? What? On my way in today?

The party planning place was closed down. I tried to get those racist balloons last week and it was closed. They must have finally, someone drove by and was like, what the fuck is that? And then they were probably like,

this business doesn't exist anywhere. Yeah. I must have got to them. Well, okay, I'm not mad at it. that then. That's great. I know that I know when I know when all the finance bros and the government are in the same side of a trade. I know that it's a good one. That's how I know that 50 year mortgages will be just just amazing. That's what I that's what that's what that's what the housing market needs. It needs all the people from Caleb Hammer's financial audit show need to be empowered to

start bidding on homes. Right. That's amazing, bro. thanks look we found this remarkable way to save you to save you $300 on your mortgage oh yeah how's that you just have to pay it off for the rest of your life until you're dead

what about on Social Security well then your Social Security payment will just go instead of going to you it'll go directly to the bank it's very convenient and you don't even have to worry about it we can just the government can just take your money and give it to the bank

Will there be any leftover for me? No. Yeah. No. Why? You don't have your house? No. Yeah, that's the people are like, well, at least I have my house.

Just insane. I saw the announcement was FDR, 30 year loan, Trump, 50 year loan. I'm like, what about, at no point did you think putting FDR's picture next to Trump's picture was a good idea? At no point did you say, ah, this might be bad. This guy, uh... You would think, right? Fucked everyone over. And then a communist, and they're crying about a communist getting elected to be the mayor of New York

because he wants to do free food. I saw that his government food stories, he's not going to sell cigarettes and alcohol at. And I was like, oh, why don't you say that in the beginning? That's great. I would have moved to New York just to go vote there. Yeah, wonderful. That is change we need to see. So the alternative between the socialist or communist or whatever he is,

the communist is going to give free bread and rent fixing and all that shit that he says he's going to do, which you probably can't do. And it's not going to work if he tries to do it, right? Never. The alternative to that is that you get to be a debt slave for the rest of your fucking life. Because that's what happens when there are more buyers for homes. the price goes up. That's what happened with the 30-year mortgage.

That's what's going to happen with the 50-year mortgage. And there's not going to be any sort of... The people that... The people that can jump in at the 50 that were prevented from participating at the 30 are not the people who are going to be refinancing in five years or 10 years. Nope. Or, you know, when they're not going to be the people who are... they're not going to be the people who are

getting promotions because I don't even know if that really exists anymore No It just doesn't It just doesn't anymore That is such a long lost Like Yeah

Like it's rare It's Because I remember a point Even 10 years ago where that was like a fairly common thing It's like yeah I worked at this place for a couple years And now I'm installing granite countertops all over the place and two years later

and now I own it. Now I own it. But private equity companies have bought every company that you could possibly own. Everything. That's concrete, like every single pest control, every single one that used to be like a guy in a van with a jingle on

channel 9 or whatever was the local access TV broadcasting channel. KK, whatever your, not the big three, but the other ones, the guy who had commercials on that, that was America, that was blue-collar America and that's all been bought out

by poverty equity firms, borrowing money at 2% or less. It is astounding. It's bleak. So the alternative to Republicans lost you know, all these all these governorships, you know, whatever. They had big election losses this week.

And one of them, the funniest one, was the guy who was texting about wanting to kill Republicans and their kids. and everyone pretended to care about it, right? Like, oh man, can you believe he said that? I'm like, yeah. Yeah, that's all that's say. Yeah, that would be, I mean, that's, yeah.

That's how you get in that side of things. Can he? Is that possible? That he could do that or what? Are you guys not thinking about killing the other side? Because I don't, because I'm not paying no 50-year mortgage. Fuck that. And I don't really know what else works.

It seems like I can either vote for a communist. and wait in a breadline, or I could vote to be a debt servant for a bank for my entire fucking life. And the only way out of it, the only way out of it is to spend every second of my free time scouring mortgage rate releases and listening to Dude Bro financial podcasts about leveraging my debt and how not to get underwater and timing the market right so I don't refinance my 50-year home loan into a quintillion year home loan at 13%. You just tell me which, tell me where on the spectrum? Where on the spectrum does, wow, I really want to kill a bunch of people rank

between the breadlines and the indentured debt servitude for the rest of my fucking life? Oh, it should be full spectrum. Women turned out to vote for Mamdami more. Mamdanie? Do you see his wife? No. His wife's an artist. Let me bring her.

Oh, no. She has really, she's really fantastic art. Let me see. And then rape is a spectrum. Remind me to look at that graph. Oh. So we could learn about rape. And not the cable company either?

I don't think so. Man, this is his wife's art. Okay. Why is that all zoomed in? Oh yeah So she draws Like she draws herself Like on everything

Uh Yeah She just basically replaces whatever She's drawing with like her own self This See it Wow that's so See it's how it's her

And then it's her there And her there and her there This is like an artist Looks like retarded like doodles It's like retarded doodles It's like retarded doodles but it's also like, look at me. Look at, see, I'm the one doing all this.

Then this is the funny. This is, she drew herself as George Floyd. That's funny. You know what? Maybe she is a great artist. I was being too quick to judge. Isn't that funny? You're running for mayor.

Like, honey, can you take that shit down, please? Can you take down the one where you drew yourself as George Floyd? No, I can't breathe caption? Come on. Yeah, I don't, yeah. Is she already dead? Because of George Floyd?

Is there a tear in her eye? What's going on there? That's funny. I want to see more of that then. Yeah. Women turned out to vote for socialism. And I don't know what the, I don't know what the alternative is.

Like, I'm sure they would all rather just get free shit than, you know, be prostitutes. Which is the other, that's the other option. Yeah. Because there's no work. Because all the work has been given to Indians. and Mexicans. So what's the

alternative exactly? Dude, it's getting to the point where even Mexicans are like, get those fucking people out of here. Get them out. Get all the new ones out. There's not enough not enough work for us.

You've got to be grant he owed in. Yeah, they do. They're not stupid. They know how it works. Yeah. They know more than white people

how it works. They've been knowing how it works and that's why it works. They know how it works for some time. Uh, I don't know. The first governor, whatever candidate

you want to file it under, but the first candidate to be like, hey, if I win, women get a hundred bucks a day on Amazon. Yeah.

Great. Landslide. Whole fucking, you could be like, keep them out of the office. So they're not doing this. What did you wear to work today? Shit.

And no one's getting sued left and right for sexual harassment. Yep. We're keeping them, get them the fuck out of the office. They're all getting $100 bucks every day. Like to blow on Etsy. Chinese War the Warcraft farms.

There should be American like women shopping on Amazon farms. You come into this building. You clock in for eight hours a day. Shop. You just shop. All day. All fucking day. It's what you do anyway. So you might as well get a hundred.

It's boosting the GDP. It's boosting the GDP. They're just buying shit from each other. They don't even open it. Right. They're just buying it. You know? Oh, you bought this thing here.

I sold you this thing. There you go. And they can do the delivery too. Yeah. It's all like it. It's set up in the corner. of an Amazon warehouse so they can just go do it themselves. I'm going to subscribe to puzzles today.

Yeah. All right. And then the other one comes in. Here you go. Here's the puzzles that you bought. Yeah. I bought these last week. Oh, damn.

I'm down to 96. Oh, shit. Okay. Like what else? You know, and then it's like, cool. Stretch that out for eight hours. Yeah, it should be, um, I don't know.

What's the answer for them? There is none. No. Other than like these weird lectures about, weird lectures about the, this free market economy that, Ben Shapiro keeps talking about, but that shit doesn't exist. That hasn't existed.

For a long fucking time, man. Guys like you and I can barely find work, and we're at the fucking top of the food chain. It's like, what the fuck is that? People are fucked. Yeah. Yeah, so I guess enjoy the 50-year mortgages. I don't know. It sure would be nice if they let housing prizes crash.

They should collab with Scientology and do the billion-year leases. That would be something. Here's a billion year lease while you're on this boat for a billion years. Save 10 bucks. Save 10 bucks. We'll knock 10 bucks off your payment so you can go buy yourself another Frappuccino. A Toby Chiff every month. So you can go get a Toby Chiff Frappuccino and imagine yourself still with AI in a wheelchair.

Here's a big fatso. I got a lot of fatso stuff. Weight Watchers. Weight Watchers 3 is up. Patreon.com slash The Dick Show. That was a good Weight Watchers. I forget what we talked about. Was that the one with the fat woman in the...

Yeah. And the tarp? The fat woman in the tarp. The arresting the police tarp. We had... Oh, that was bad. That was bad. That was nasty.

People are still messaging me. Like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And I'm like, well, if I knew where to start, I could probably get somewhere. But... Oh, no. I saw people say, well, if you don't like the 50-year release, then just don't use it. Like, yeah, but people are going to... People are going to be bidding on the house that I'm bidding on.

Yeah. Don't you get that? Don't you get that we wanted to deport 50 million people so there'd be more apartments and stuff? Do you guys not get that and get all the Indians the fuck out of the country? Dude, it's crazy. They just built three major apartment complexes by where I live. And I'm like, who the fuck is going to afford the three grand a month rent for 900 square feet? Yeah.

Absolutely not. Well, and in California, they will let empty building. They'll let new buildings sit for like nine months. before they approve the electrical shit on them. It's insane. It's crazy. Well, there was that one building on sunset, you know, the one of like the weird across from the Arby's,

where the hat is. Yeah. I think they've removed it just now. Yeah. But there was this building with this orange, like, metal stripe on it. And what happened was when I first moved on to sunset, they had built the building too tall. But then because construction was supposed to be halted,

they couldn't go tear it down. Then it was just in, like, investigation forever until finally like I see lights on in there occasionally and I'm like what the fuck is going on like everyone is this apartment building yeah everyone in such a hurry to like we got to destroy this old shit and make apartments I'm like but why there's all of Baker's field you could build apartments in like the fucking why the most fucking congested place in the world I mean I yeah may or may not be aware of why but you know it's like it's still fucking annoying Here's Olivia Giuliana.

I remember her, the big fat woman that was going to appeal to frat bros by bringing free pizza around, but she ate all the pizza on the way there. Highlight her thing again? Yeah. Oh, Texas tough. Big mouth.

Texas toast over here. Big mouth liberal. Big body, too. Yeah. Big mouth. She says, I don't get ACA credits and all my health care is still going up by $3,600 a year.

A year. If your premiums goes up too, thanks the Republicans who blocked the programs. Yeah. So this bitch paid $508 a month for health insurance. You're telling me this walking diabetes paid the same as me for insurance. That's bad enough, right? You're subsidizing that. I could be doing heroin every day

and still be healthier than someone who's 6, 700 pounds, right? I don't know how old she is, probably late 20s, early 30s, I don't know. But in addition to that, I'm paying for, in addition to the normal insurance, which I'm paying for,

everybody's prices goes up so I've got to pay more. I'm paying for her adjusted fat body insurance to be down lower than mine. That's what I'm... That's what I'm on the hook for. Fucking sick. The blue advantage plus gold.

I have the bronze. And I'm paying more than this whale. Than a fucking whale. I just... The only way to fix this is if you're... Is revenge. Is revenge? But your insurance rate...

Luigi. They gotta go. One point five times your... weight. Yeah, everything you buy is weight based. Yeah, it's your point five times. Okay, cool. You know what? You bought a cart full of groceries today? That's great. That's going to cost you

$2 million. Fat pig. And it's a big red button. It goes, wah! A big cage comes down and then fucking helicopters airlift you away to the fucking Epstein Island. I really want to

twist my own head in half. Like, I'm popping a tube of croissant dough, Pillsbury croissant doughs, that it's like a constant onslaught of these numbers that I know are fucking me and people like me. Can you believe that I'm gonna have to pay $800 in health insurance? You should have to pay $8,000 a month, you fat pig? What the fuck?

You shouldn't be in the same order of magnitude as me for health insurance. Are you fucking kidding me? You can't even see your... You can't see your pussy and you're paying that much? I could see my dick. Can you see your...

Have you had any major surgeries in 10 years? No. Can you see your genitals? Yes. Can you prove it? Absolutely. Can you count how many toes you have? Can you count your own fucking toes? And what color are they?

And do they tingle? You diabetic fuck? God! If not, when did they stop tingling? You should have to have a 50-year mortgage on your health insurance. How the fuck is this real? It's fucking crazy too because, like, I mean, I don't know what it's like for you, but there was... Gold.

The gold package. Why the fuck do you have gold? Should be the slop package. Brown and green package. Mud package. The fucking chocolate package. Well, I've been fucked over by insurance or, like, fucked around by insurance so much that when I went to go get new dental insurance, I was like, okay, this is the dentist I want to use,

called them, they were like, yes, we do through this company, you know, this company, this plan, whatever. Yeah. I'll get this one. Double checked with the asshole on the phone. Triple checked on the website, too. Signed up for it, you know, paid the couple months so I can activate it. I go in for just a cleaning and they're like, oh, you're actually out of network.

And I said, I'm going to fucking drive my car right. I'm like, you mean I've paid like fucking $1,500 to be told? out of network. You don't happen to be an AI, are you? Because I can kill you if you're not a real human. If you're like an AI and some kind of advanced body, it's legally okay for me to strangle you. I was standing in that lobby going, I'm going to say it. I'm saying that. I'm saying it. Nothing you guys can do to stop me. That's really somebody, uh, that, the guy who does the Rasmussen polls follows me on Twitter. I don't know how that happened. That's funny. So this fat bitch thinks that she should have to pay more than my

infant baby son for health insurance, even though she's pumped toxins into her body for 30 years. She's brand new. The toxic Avenger. She's the toxic Avenger.

Fucking fat slob. Can you believe that my insurance premiums will go up? They should go. You shouldn't even be allowed to hold a gold plan, you fat bitch. They should never stop going up. Every day, it should be like a taxi fucking meter. T-t-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-D-D-D-D-D-D-D.

Somebody should come to your house and kick the shit out of you, so coins fly out of you. Like warrior where? No, it would be more like Castlevania, like slabs of meat and fucking mutton would fall off. And there's no voting around it. You vote for Trump and it's, well, we saw that fat bitch. How would you like a 50-year plan to... How would you like... How would you like retarded broke people from Caleb Hammer's idiot podcast to be bidding against you in a house?

I would not like that. I would like you to take every investment group and every person. Here's what I would like. I would like you to take everybody who owns more than one house and force them to sell the rest of their houses under penalty of death. And I know you can do that because you made China sell TikTok to Israel. So if you can make them, if you can make China sell TikTok to Israel, I'm pretty sure you could make everybody who owns more than, you know, I will give you two houses. You can own two houses, and after that, if you own three houses, we send someone over to your house dressed like Simon Belmont to whip you until meat flies off of you, to kick you in your penis, to whip you in your dick until it falls off if you own three houses. Because why the fuck do you have three houses?

Just to fuck other people over. That's literally, that's all it is. That's it because people like us, normal people who aren't finance bros, aka cock suckers or boomers, who don't want to pay attention to all this retarded shit, who just want to work, have to compete because our houses have become a fine, because FDR turned our houses into financial products. That's why. Well, and it's crazy.

It's all retarded. It is. It should be 2%. Everybody who buys a house to live in it should be 2% no matter what. That's what the inflation is what's supposed to be So government's backing it anyway So why shouldn't it be? If you have a third house

We're turning into a fucking breadline Yeah You have to run You have to sit there and serve everybody in jail Yeah You're going to jail and you're going to get raped We got a guy in there who just rapes Triple homeowners

We fumigate your house with you in it Who's running on that? Is Mamdami running on that? I mean these They were crying about his breadlines and shit This is way worse All right Well and that's the thing

is no one's ever going to be like, hey, we should fix housing. Yeah. Because that's like, all those motherfuckers of three plus houses. We got to fix it. We got to get more buyers. Hey, how about fuck off? Just give it to me. Yeah. Give it to me. Give it to them.

I already have a house. I'm fine. You're not helping people who don't have one, though. I'm going to the fucking house store today after the show, and I'm going to say, let me get that. Let me get that. What the house is that? Let me get that. Let me hold that. Let me get that.

Is that keys? Let me get that guy's house. He doesn't need it. Was that a third house? Let me get that. Then let me get that principle. Oh yeah. Yeah, let me get that.

Let me get that. But for white people this time. Right. I'm glad you knew. Okay. You'd have an easier. Look, if there are white men voting for Mamdani, you have an easier time. My whole life, like, Republicans have been busting their ass trying to get

black voters, which has resulted in exactly fucking nothing, which is zero, because they're voting for, they're voting for, uh, like stuff for them. No shit they're going to vote for. They're not voting for all this retarded free market shit that, like, white people are pretending to vote for. If we had someone come out and say, hey, my platform is let me get that. Let me get that, but for white people. What? Like what? Like, uh... What do you got there? Let me get that. Like, if you have a kid, you get $100,000. a day. Per kid? No. Oh,

really? Now you're talking. Actually, let me vote for that. Okay. Let me vote that. What kind of food do I get? Regular food. Any kind of cigarettes or anything? No. Ooh, who, who, interesting. Cigarettes that set your dick on fire.

Free Pilates classes. Oh, okay. Mandatory Pilates classes. Mandatory Pilates classes. This fat taut of shit doesn't want any Pilates classes. Um, all right,

let me get that rape chart. Some Pilates classes. Do, do, do, oh, Bubbles is, trailer park boys is getting fucked with again because Bubbles is getting sued for rape? What?

Mike Smith, Bubbles on trailer park boys charged with sexual assault. Come on, man. Just give the guy a break. Give us a break. Stems from

from an alleged December 2017 incident in Dartmouth. Mike Smith, Well, says the allegations have not been proven in court, so if it's like... Isn't it a little late? Come on. Eight years, get out of here.

Bubbles, too, really? I know. Nobody wants to get raped by bubbles. Man, that's why it took so long to come out with it. Fat people are banned from the U.S.? Trump issued a new reason to deny visas to foreigners, obesity. Man, cool. That's actually great.

Yeah, you can consider an app. health certain medical conditions including but not limited to cardiovascular diseases respiratory diseases cancers diabetes metabolic diseases neurological diseases and mental health conditions oh doesn't say it specifically should cardiovascular diseases i guess fucking mental health reasons financial reasons yeah to deport the ones we have too i don't know it's pissing me off when everyone's like women are so stupid they're voting for the socialist like what Yeah, the other guy's fucking raping everybody with 50-year mortgages Yeah

What you're talking about? What are they supposed to do? What are I supposed to do? Get a job? Where? Magical job store? Oh, you know what, dude? I also have to go to the job store after this today, too. Trump's...

Oh, this is a good one. Trump's a tax on... Nah, there's enough stuff. Bill Maher says he's a racist, racist. Rape is a spectrum. Oh yeah, this is why I started talking about the Rasmussen guy. I'll play this Bill Maher clip. It's about Nick Flentes.

Man, Nick Flentes is tearing it up. He went on Tucker Carlson and everyone lost their shit. Everybody loses their minds. Saders start getting thrown around. That's fucking... Oh, mandatory saders start getting thrown around or Saddats or whatever that Jewish dinner is. Shabbah, oh yeah Shabbat. Yeah. I was thinking of Sadat X.

You will come to Shabbat! All right. Let me introduce this issue because I almost didn't want to talk about this person because he's so gross. It's such a big issue this week and we're going to talk about it. Oh, look at this picture they use of Nick. That's funny. The New York Times took a badass picture of him. Let me see if I have that.

You know, classic like, oh, get the shitty picture of him. like yeah like yeah file footage ah new new york times nick fuentes uh is it here yeah it's this one yeah three days ago

no that's not it maybe it was updated uh no that's come on where is it looks cool this one man look at that that's badass

ass. Damn. Looking like James Dean there. Right? What are you not seeing against? What do you got? What do you got? What do you got?

What juice do you got? Right? Man. Cool. Because everybody's making tons of money with him as the bad guy. Yeah. You know? So they're all like, look at this guy.

He's a bad guy. He hates Jews. Ah! And they got the other hand out. We're sending around the collection plate. Yeah. Look at this fucking guy. He's making so many jokes

Um Okay back to the I don't know why but lately I've been thinking a lot about Don I miss recently Yeah Just because it's like man That actually was funny Yeah That was really fucking funny

Like it was like man And like Yeah Every time I see it get reposted All the comments are like well he's not wrong Like it's just like everyone is like Yeah like why do you know how to answer? that's not wrong.

Okay, here he is. I can't believe it. Nick Fuentes on Bill Maher. You know, I was, Alex Jones, of all people, had some big big episode about like how Israel's doing really bad stuff.

And I said, that's crazy. Because I remember Nick Fuentes sitting here doing his big interview with Alex Jones. He came over to my, he came over to my, basement studio because his studio wasn't working or something something was fucked up and he needed some you needed a place that was reliable to argue with Alex Jones this was right during the Kanye madness and he was talking to Alex

Johns Nick Fuentes is very very critical of Israel and boomers just love Israel they love it because they're because boomers get all their information from television and millennials get all of our information from the internet so you know there's a tremendous divide in those between those two. So Alex Jones is doing the boomer party line of like, well, they're our ally and all this stuff. And Nick Fuentes is hammering. He was pretty reserved. He's hammering on it.

But then I remember that. Like I remember watching it and just seeing Alex Jones, you know, defend this concept of whatever Israel is to boomers that they have in their head. It's like part religious and, you know, part mascot. It's like, somehow it's like, somehow it's like their penis. It's like the atomic bomb to them. It represents like culturally and ideologically who they are. Well, it's weird too that he was like everything is like David Ike levels of like, there's like everything's occult and there's the lizard people out to get you about.

But also these guys are great. These guys are great. I'm like, what? It really is like it's their boomers love Israel so much, even the secular ones, the non-religious ones. Because I think that to them it represents their ability to go into the, worst most uncivilized most barbaric area on the planet and the history of mankind

and civilize it with their retarded progressive ideas and their democracy and like the it's like the ultimate extension of flower power to them and it didn't work right you know

it's like it sucks and it's caused a lot of problems but they can't give it up in their minds so to see Alex Jones go from that interview to maybe a year or two later going like, and this is the problem with Israeli influence in the U.S. government, I was like, wow, that's a big, because I don't like, I'm not really in this fight,

but I remember clear as day, Alex Jones being very hostile to Nick Fuentes sitting here, and now he's like totally the opposite. Now he's saying shit that I go, whoa, that's pretty... Now we got it back, yeah. So the lizard people are involved, Oh, okay. And that's where it's like...

Like, which fucking is it then? Wow, it's something else. I mean, the kid had a... He did it. Wait a second. Get the whole world talking about him and freaking out over shit that is stupid. Yeah. I was going to say, does Alex Jones have a wife and kid, or an ex-wife and kid?

He's got kids, yeah. Divorced dad, dude. Oh, he is the divorce dad. He's divorced dad maxing, yep. He's patient zero. He's actually like, you know what? Actually, these guys are bad. I've got nothing to live for anymore because I'm a divorced dad.

Yeah, it was crazy when I saw his little thing pop up, like, Israeli influence. I was like, whoa, wow, Alex. Oh, yeah. Nick got, Nick's in your head now. He's waiting for that alimony check to come out of his bank account. He's about to go rage posting after that one. That's some divorced dad shit to the max. Oh, wait, did I have it up?

Okay, here's Bill Maher talking about. Nick Fuentes. After I do this bit, it's such a big issue. Let me introduce this issue, because I almost didn't want to talk about this person. Sure. Yeah. He's so gross. Yeah.

But it's such a big issue. It's gross. That's gross. The concerns of young people, just gross. That's gross. Totally gross. It's weak, and we're going to talk about it after I do this bit. Beneath, it's beneath us.

Yeah. You know? Sometimes I'm in my vacation home. thinking about what's grosser AIDS or the concerns of young people two AIDS guys

eating shit out of each other's ass at a pride parade or young people's concern about their future obviously young people he's already probably living with AIDS so it's like a shit festival

in India to end Diwali what's grosser? Nick Fuentes raising concerns about the... Or everyone in India being like you can't post this, this is... Yeah, we're cooking your own feet. Obviously, Nick Fuentes, okay. But this guy, Nick Fuentes.

I don't know if we've ever heard of him. If you haven't, I mean, I have... America's next top racist. I don't know him. I have my picture taken with a lot of people. But he's... I would call a racist racist. He's just this...

That line. A racist race... A racist racist racist. So they ruined the word racism. They ruined the word racism. So now it's got to be a racist racist, right? Well, that's the thing. He's the real deal.

That comes from black dialect. They're like, oh, he's mad, mad. Oh, yeah. Right, the repeating to insinuate the severity. Yeah. So for that, for him to like... Culturally appropriating. For him to be like, oh, this is a race issue.

And then he's like, he's racist, right? And it's like, okay, well, then what's with the fucking code switch like that? I think they, I think they really don't get it. I don't know if there's anything. He runs on the field at a baseball game that you don't really want to. Yeah, the guys that run on the field of baseball games are awesome. They're like messing and things up, making everyone laugh. Yeah.

It's funny. It's cool. That's the most interesting thing in a baseball game. Yeah. But we kind of have to talk about him. Does that mean we can beat them up? I would like to. So that's what happens when you. Try it.

It's what they call a griper. I looked into this. It's just like this group of people. It's so confusing. Any kind of a group. It's so, oh, I'm so fucking confused about what this is. Oh, God. That's why I can't stand NPR too.

They're like, now, tell us, now, you, you, uh, you have terminal cancer. Yeah. What is that? What is that? What is that? What must that be like? Huh? And it's like, fuck off.

Like, this whole, like, wow, I'm just, I'm not. Just learning this for the first time. I've never been on this planet before. And if I talk like this. And maybe if I'm sanctimonious enough. And his followers are, they're calling themselves something. I had to look this up. I had to look.

Have you ever heard anything like that? Did you look anything up today even? Huh. Well, I'm so confused. Looking things up. I think what they, they really don't get, maybe they do when they're just playing it up for money, but I really don't think they get it.

Is that race and racism is so present in the lives. in the lives of millennials from when we were born through now that they really don't, that boomers and slightly below them don't understand how it's not, it's not that, like I watch the World Series and I get a stream link, and I load the stream link, and there's like a chat attached to the stream link,

and it's just NNN, N, N, Hale Hitler, it's just NN, N, N, N, N, and, you know, all kinds of racist shit, and my reaction, I didn't even, Notice in my brain because from when we're born to when we start school and start our whole lives. When we start school, it's race getting hammered into your brain, slavery getting hammered into your brain, the Holocaust getting hammered into your brain. You want to go to college. You better be a minority somehow.

Like openly, openly, this was the experience applying for college. You better be a minority somehow. You want to get a job. You better be black. You better play up some kind of, you better play up some kind of weird social group that you belong to. But God, you better be black. Number one, be black. Number two, be some kind of brown, be a foreigner, be some kind of not a white person.

But the idea that race is all that matters. And the reaction to that, which is obviously like just be as racist as possible. Like if you're a kid, if you were a kid millennial, you recognize right away that the way to get you to stop caring about your self-interest. You know, your brain kicks in, you start noticing, hey, wait, they're taking ship from me and people that are similar to me. I want that to stop.

They go, that's racist. You're racist. Like, I don't think a woman should be, I don't want this woman to be doing this. I don't want anything to do with these girls. You're sexist. Like, there's some kind of anti-prejudicial slur they will call you at an early age

to get you to get in line. And the only defense for that, the best, the best defense for that from a child's point of view is to constantly, like, like an inoculation to constantly engage in racist rhetoric in your own mind and in your peer groups to protect yourselves from outside charges of racism.

You're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We're flooding the zone with so much racism that you can't tell, you know, when we're doing stuff that's simple protecting our... That isn't really racist. It's just, you know, personal preference, or maybe it is racist. All this started because Bill Maher,

called them a racist racist for me. So you guys, you wore it down, but you also don't kid that the millennial world and below is so saturated with racism that you can't take it out of our culture. It is the entire culture. You really can't. Like whatever you, like the boomer mindset of like,

oh, look, there's so many different ways to say the F word. Like, yeah, there's so many different ways to say the N-word, too, for our generation. Like, that's the, you, You plugged in so much racism that there's not anything else left. Like this generation built a language and a culture out of pure racism. So that when Trump came out and said, you know what? The Mexicans are causing a big problem.

All the millennial men, yeah, that's right. That's actually right. And there's a nuance to it, but he's speaking our language, which is on its face constructed entirely of race. Well, and that's the other thing, too, is like a way to cope with things. Like, it's funny or it can be funny. You know, there's always, yeah, it's funny if it's funny.

But you know, it's funny if it's funny. Because it freaks them out, too. Like, how could you say that? It's like, I didn't even mean it in a bad way. I was saying. Well, my friend James, he is one of the widest people you can imagine. Yeah. Color-wise.

And huge engineer. Yeah. And worked on a bunch of Kendrick records and stuff. But when Kendrick went to credit him, he credited him as James. And in quotes, the white black man. Uh-huh. So on all of his Grammys, it says James,

the white black man. Yeah. Which is, and he was like, I get people for, like friends, family who are like, that's what you call yourself now?

Like, what the fuck? And he's like, no, like that's, I didn't, like, I don't,

that's not me. Yeah. Like, I'm getting fucked with by my boss. Yeah. But it's funny because it's like, yeah,

to outsiders, they're like, this guy's fucking crazy, but it really, it means nothing. It means nothing. It's like when, it's absolutely meaningless.

Like when they would, Like when boomers would throw fits about violence in video games. And we were, when I was a kid, it's like, are you kidding me? Like there is, the violence that I have on the video game is nothing compared to just like the entire world of violence happening constantly. Turn the news on. Yeah. Turn the news on as well. But to them, it's like, well, but you've opted to, you've opted to play these violent video games.

And we were like, no, the world is extremely violent. This is simply our, this is our culture. It's a culture of violence. It's a mirror to it. Yeah, it's nothing. It's literally nothing for us. So when these guys look at, maybe, I don't know, is Bill Maher, is he a boomer? Is he late Gen X?

I don't know. But I see the same thing when these guys look at Nick Foote's like, he's a racist. It's like, yeah, but. So our fucking name. That's the culture, man. They're not young. That's why when people are like, you got an old soul. I'm like, is my racism showing that much?

Like, shit, sorry, guys. You brought it back. I brought it back. That's what Trump made okay. is like yeah oh yeah your entire little culture of racism is fine

don't worry too much about it well because in like nine and three quarters times out of ten it's just people saying shit to say shit yeah I don't actually think while I'm on the road like I wish this person

would fucking die I just need to say it just to get it out like yeah and then the thought's gone I just don't even I'm already switching to the next song or what else you're going to say You can sound like, you know, there's somebody Sam out there? This casafrakin, rissafrakin, you know, changes. Pulling out the two fucking six shooters and blasting that feet.

He's a racist racist. Okay. Well, congrats. Renek is a great week for him. Yeah, new title unlocked. Do you want to see the rape spectrum or a quirk chungis maxing? I feel like quirk chungis maxing should get raped. I called my wife a quirk chungis because she doesn't know what it means.

she's not at school anymore so she doesn't know the slang but I do know the slang She's been kept in the dark this whole time And you're like, I still get the updates So I know if I call it If I call her it enough

She'll crack and call like What are you calling me? What's a quirk chunggish? Are you quirk chunggues? Gotcha Did you take a little sip off the creamer in the fridge? You quark chunggungus

Maxing over there Oh my This is a quirk chungus Great That's The duality of bedrooms shelf This is her bedroom shelves. Look at this shit.

Not the fucking Target cat piano. God damn it. Imagine you gotta fuck this. Mama Mia. Quirk chungis-maxing, right? The You Are My Sunshine Tile? That's like... Mickey Mouse ears.

The Beanie Baby. It's the Target cat piano that gets me. Oh, and the fucking Fisher-Price vacuum? Bro. From the 80s? Am I right? This is a quirk chungis-maxing. That is quirk fucking chungis-massing.

the fucking Nerf gun. This might be so quirk strongest, it's trans. It might be. Might be. I don't know. I didn't check. I didn't check. Let's see.

Is it trans? 30 lab grown. They she? And that looks like a woman. It looks like a woman. Okay. So we're at the tipping point almost. But that is very corks charmed.

I would say that's a woman. There's already gender pronoun renaming. Look at the amount of quirk chunk. tungusing here. Dude, the fucking, and that's the bootleg car rug, too, because the OG car rug runs like shit. It makes zero sense at all.

If you try to drive a car on the OG one, you fucking can't. The roads don't make it. They got dead ends all over the place. Dead ends, freeways crossing X marks over each other and shit. Like, what is this fucking China? Look at this. Hamper of, uh,

silly of, she probably has a name. They have new names for stuffed animals now. They call them different things. and every time I hear it, it makes me want to fucking puke. No, same. Well, and here's the thing. They call them stuffies now?

I'm trying to have to throw up into this fucking empty can right now. Puk. Here's a new game for us to play. What would you do if you woke up one day with no recollection in this room? Like Twin Peaks style? Yeah, you just fucking wake up there. Dig the walls out, I guess. I don't know.

Yeah, I'd hang myself from the fucking fan. I'd tear it all down It's the fucking The vintage Fisher Price vacuum That is like that's fucking quirk The goddamn chungessing through the fucking roof This is serious derangement It is because then look

On the floor next to the Like on the bookshelf next to the car rug There's like the red like Fisher Price cassette player Yeah Like this is a woman's room that's full of like infantile stuff Yeah Everybody listening like a rug with the city on it And a little rocking hole

horse and stuff. Really, really insane stuff. It's like deranged kind of like... Deranged. It's like... Beyond serial killing. Yeah, instead of like Nintendo. I understand a serial killer. Like, yeah, we all want to kill those guys.

Yeah. I don't understand that. I don't understand this. This is beyond... But that's the thing is like, if you're Nintendo chunga-sing, fine. Like, if you're ninchungusing out there, like, okay, understandable, like whatever. Nchungus? Nchungus, yeah.

I can't get over there. this, I can't get over that this fat bitch has a gold plan. How dare? And that I don't. And my son doesn't. And that if she gets her way, it's going to be less than what both of us pay. That's fucking

crazy. I wish I could turn myself into a little into a fucking muffin and that she would eat me. And then I could punch up. Turn into a little fucking fat molecule and just get into her heart and go, ah! And put my limbs out and stick in her aorta.

You know, hold up the line. Like Spider-Man. When Spider-Man stops the train, you know, and he's like, that's what I would do in Julia, Olivia's heart, Julianna, Olivia's heart. Stop all the blood cells. Until it explodes. The magic school bus to shrink down and drive. I need a magical school bus. To fit in the school bus, yeah.

Blow out her asshole. Popper Colossamy bag. Hey, Ms. Frizzle. Hand me a some sus-sum. Safety scissors. You bring up a great point, though, when you say, this bitch is asshole.

So you're telling me this fat fuck with a completely, there's a non-zero, like, I was paranoid about wiping my ass entirely that I went and woke myself up for it. Yeah. There is no way on...

Look at this shit. Whatever deity's green earth this might be. Yeah. That she has a 100% clean asshole. No way. There's no fucking way. No way in hell.

That's... Complaining about fucking hell. He played a lineman for the Eagles or something. Who? The lineman who's throwing a football. I don't know. He must be throwing it to the quarterback or something. It looks like she's about to eat the pigskin.

Yeah. Of the Philadelphia Eagles for Halloween. She was a big fat. She was the eagle's fattest fan. She showed up as Philadelphia. Mm-hmm. That's fucked. That's pisses me off.

That's pisses me off, man. I'll see the rape chart. Fucking fat bitch with all. unwiped ass telling us what the fuck that fuck that my health insurance is too high you shouldn't even qualify you don't even have health like what do you need insurance for like yeah

why don't you get your pizza and why doesn't dominoes give you health insurance they're fatting your ass up yeah you need a health tracker bitch maybe you maybe if you really work your ass off and consult with doctor now then you could get health insurance you know what dude they need ankle monitors

for fat people yeah ankle monitors. It's like a hula hoop. You fit around your cloven hoof. And then it, it like the diabetes, the auto diabetes machines, it just pinpricks your blood and is like, wow, it was 96% sugar. Like, you get zero benefits. You don't qualify for health insurance today. You will not qualify. Based on our current calculations from our recent testing. Totally outrageous. Yeah. The rape spectrum. I don't know how they made this. the highest, it's a thermometer where it's green at the top and then it's red at the bottom. Here's a hundred percent rape.

A stranger forcibly assaults someone who screams and fights the entire time. So if you don't scream and fight the entire time. Well, I would qualify as more. That was like a sum of the time thing. Clearly we could negotiate him down to like 89 points. 91, a person has a rape fetish. Their friend trying to be helpful gets a stranger to abduct and forcibly penetrate this person. No, that's 100.

That's also 100 of rape. A husband forcing sex upon a wife in a traditional culture. What? Where she doesn't perceive this as wrongdoing. Also 100% rape. Sneakily removing a condom during sex. That's a sex crime, but that's not rape. Um, that is a sex crime.

I'm just looking at all of these. Who the fuck wrote this? I don't know. Some idiot wrote it. Somebody sent it to me. Source from Reddit. Oh, well. Uh, oh, here, okay, here's the not rapes.

The low rape spectrum. Having sex with an unenthusiastic sex worker. What are we doing here? What's going on? Unenthusiastic. So, I have so many questions. That's only a 12 on the rapometer. That's, yeah, that's like a low grade.

Why would you, it's a thermometer, but it's for rape. So if you do that, what, eight times that kits you up to the 100 point mark? Then it's 100. Is this a cumulative thing? Is this like what's- I think it's logarithmic. Okay. By the way, bonus episode on Wednesday, did we say?

Yes. Okay. We're getting back to Best Debate. Starting at 11. It's been a long time. Man, it's going to be, I'm gearing the fuck up for that one. Has sex to make a partner happy in a relationship? That's not rape at all.

What the fuck are you talking about? It's called a relationship. Person with down, oh, here's a 17 on the rape of me. Person with Down syndrome eagerly has sex with a neurotypical. What? The neurotypical what? So you're getting raped by a guy with Down syndrome? Is the moral of this lesson here?

Eagerly has sex? Who's... Are you raping the Down syndrome? Right. I'm just so... It's saying, person with Down syndrome. Yeah. Eagerly. So that means that.

Yeah, they're excited about it. The Down syndrome is fucking... Doing the raping? I guess so. No, because if you're neurotypical, it just means you're a pain in the ass. so you have all your mental faculties. That's neuro-atypical, right? Yeah.

Oh, if you're neurotypical. Okay, so you're a normal person. Yeah, so how is it rap? You're definitely raping a Down syndrome. That's totally rape. No, but I mean, they're saying like, yeah, this guy is like, he's hyped. The Down syndrome person's hyped and then that's what it's implying. So it's saying it's a little bit rape.

Well, remember we saw that commercial where that Down syndrome woman is like, don't don't take me a drink because you think I'm retarded. Yeah, I'm not... I have a margarita. Have you seen the one where it's like, people think I got Down syndrome? And then I get a margarita. And then they can't think I do this.

So I'll get a margarita. And they just keep putting that clip in. And it's fucking like, that's good. Lying about wealth hobbies in order to get laid. That's worse than having sex with a Down syndrome person? Get the hell out of here. That's a zero.

That's not raped. Every dating app. on both sides of the fucking gender fucking... How about lying about weight to get dinner? That's rape. That's 102.

I need to make my own list. I need to make my own list of this. Lying about your weight to get a free dinner. That's a hundred and... That's a hundred and uh... 90. That's a good way to suss out

if a chick's fat or not too. Hey, will you be splitting dinner with me or... How will we be splitting dinner? Will it be half or will it be 60... What you ordered out. Yeah, or will it be Or will it be the pig stroth That where they brought in

Or will it be Ice cream place, Ferrells? Ferrells? Yeah, I guess. Remember the, it, um, they did this, you know, it was like,

kind of like a diner kind of thing where it was like all like, here's like vaudeville, like candies and, you know, all that kind of like. I remember it like Swanson's, but yeah,

yeah, I know you're talking about. Well, so then they did this thing called the pigs troth where they would bring you out a fucking pig's troth the length of this table. Oh yeah,

that wasn't Bill and Ted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's right. I fucking forgot about that. But yeah, fucking, it's like, if we were going to go get ice cream at Farrells, what would you order? Having a birthday that's close to Christmas and needing both presents.

That's right. That's right. That's the most ever. Amazon saving your credit card info. Rape, yeah. What do you mean one-click purchase? What the fuck is that? pretending

get it to the right address let's go into the middle a 16 year old eagerly has sex with a 26 year old that's a 46 of rape wow

that's like another 100 on top that's a they phrased it wrong because it's like if a 26 year old is eagerly having sex

with the suit it's like okay yeah but they're making it seem what does a 16 year old look like a little asterisk Because then I'll know.

That's funny. That's fucking funny. What do they look like? Is the 26-year-old a loser? Is he like a pot dealer? And the 16-year-old's really hot? Then yeah. That's rape.

But if they're both fucking fat, who cares? That's important. You can't tell which one's which. Who gives a shit? This is a 40, half-rape. Person A clearly says no to sex. Okay. After repeated attempts, person A gets tired.

and eventually gives in. That's fucking no rape at all, man. What are you talking about? Consent is given. Like, what the... What are you talking about? They eventually gave in. Whoa.

Whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no. You need to green that one up, buddy. Well, yeah, that's like every office romance ever. That's, yeah. Come on, man. Are you saying Pepe Lepeu is a rapist? Get out of here.

Well, maybe like 46, you know. 46%, Um All right Let's see The Sydney Sweeney interview That was pretty funny but Probably done enough stuff

220 shit What time do we start One Yikes Okay let's read some comments The locks Says telitubbies More like helitubbies

Amen Okay And then he's got a link Oh is this a fat watch maybe that I didn't know about. Let's see. Oh, it's Butler training. Oh, yeah.

Okay. I don't need to play that. Data says, Whistling is fun. Fuck that guy. Thank you. Gentleman Sausage says, it's funny you should mention that gay men are like aliens because they're impervious

to women's earthly threats because there was actually a space movie in the 1992 about aliens that liberate the men of earth from the oppression of women. Don't look it up. Okay. This guy is part of the GNAA, man.

Yeah, I've heard of that movie. Evan Brennan. Awesome episode, folks, as always. Johnny's brain rot makes my heart grow three times that day. Oh, well, thank you. I hope it continues to grow after what you see today. Seltzerwater says, when I was younger, some old European person explained to me that AC was bad

because the temperature difference makes you sick. Oh, yeah. They like to act all civilized and liberal over there until they actually have to deal with the shit we do, like hot weather or the consequences. of slavery and colonization. Still very traditional and still very traditional

as woes me when it comes to those things. Well yeah, yet again, that's the boomer thing. Like, we can change the weather, man. Like, I don't feel like millennials, resumers, feel like they could change shit. Yeah. Like, if you tell them, hey, the climate's fucked up,

it's gonna get worse. They'd be like, yeah, I'm he and well, I guess. That's too bad for the climate. Suck. Bad day to be. I got his AC, man. I know a climate hate to see me coming. The blackface balloons remind me of that rast the guy with a huge dick covered by the banana peel. I remember that.

Yep. Figurines you'd find in the market when you got off a cruise ship. SDR Zero. Says, how did those minks get boogie's teeth? I need one, dude. I know, me too, but they're sold out. I know. That's the...

that pisses me off, right? How is this fucking lady selling $500, fucking beautiful works of art? Yeah. Yeah. You know, but they're always sold out. It's like, always. Like, Supreme can't even keep that level of exclusivity and like,

hey, we've got to drop. That's fine. Everyone's already bought it out. Oh, yeah? I got one mink for 500 bucks. Sold. Done. How much?

I didn't even hit post and it sold. They're like the new beanie babies, I guess. um crazy girlfriend advice hey dick and johnny i have introduced an atomic bomb into my life in the form of a mentally unstable woman thin bee cups 24 and i don't know how to deal with it i'm a 22 year old broke student socially isolated

and retarded because i never tried talking to women until i was 20 well that's okay but okay yeah you know you messed up somewhere here yeah you fuck it up I'd like to say more I met her over a year ago

with the intent to fuck a few times over break but she ended up getting irrationally attached to me and I went with it because I was finally

doing all the touchy feely bullshit I had been longing for during my teens I sense confusion I sense confusion

It's confused. I sense some confusion in the host. I plan to just fuck a few times. Hey, guys, young guys, that's what we all planned every single time. We've been getting tricked. A hundred billion of us had thought we were going to just fuck a few times, and somehow it got all messed up. So don't think you're trying something new.

You're not going to be the one. You're going to have to upgrade your defenses. I just wanted to fuck a few times. Yeah. Said you and every other guy, 50 billion, excuse me, other guys that have ever lived. That's how you got here. Because for 100,000 years, guys have fucked that up, or 10,000 years, or however long. it's been, when do they officially

cut off our species? I don't know. It's got to be 100,000. Tell you what, though, I wish they would fucking patch that already. God damn. God damn, man. She had a laundry list of unmedicated

mental illnesses like BPD. That's a bad one. Anxiety, nymphomania, and multiple personalities. What a huge bitch. That's all I'm hearing.

BPD, anxiety, nymphomania, and multiple personalities. And one of her personalities is chungus maxing, or quirk chungus-massing. One of her personalities is a huge whore. She's going to start big chungus-maxing soon. Uh-huh. One of her personalities is fat. Wait till you meet that one. Because it's in there.

Time. Let me out of here. Yeah, time is harsh to us all And cause massive mood swings and completely disqualify her from ever driving bro Brough bra You hit send on this email you type this out this far bro you should have sent this email to her Do that that's your advice send this email directly to her and then let the fucking nuke go off I'll break up with her for you just clip this and send it to her

call her buddy John breaks bad news and tell her yeah yeah that's literally his job email John yeah

could do it without lifting up the phone um god the people who don't drive that's just intolerable I nothing drives me more insane

than people could you give me a ride I can't drive like your ass has a fucking phone you're Ubering everywhere

I'm not How the fuck do you not have wheels? Sure, just paint my house. I can't paint. Yeah. You can't, I'm sure. Yeah. Also, she lives in the middle of nowhere with people who hate her.

Her other person. Yeah, her headmaids. So she has no ability to get a job. Why does she have no ability to get a job? Because she lives in the middle of nowhere with people who hate her? Got no job. Got no friends. Is she like a western?

Car, yeah. She's Marion Morrison over here. She's in the, she's in the cursed earth. The biker gang of mutants who hate her. She's with the biker mice from Mars, dude.

Yeah, we're gonna throw rats in people's asses. She's a biker mice from Mars? She's hanging with them, like Goldie Lacks. She's hanging with them, yeah. This means that I'm funding everything. What are you fucking doing, man? What are you fucking doing, dude? You're so fucking retarded for any of this.

Eject. Bro. This means that I'm funding everything, including her crippling weed addiction, that she self-medicates with. Man, don't use these fucking words with me. Don't use any of these. Using these words with yourself means you have fucking conceded. Hey, Dick, I'm dating a whore who's a weed addict.

What should I do? Without smoking, she's unable to do anything as simple as going to the store Or eating without throwing up I promise you she's able to do those things Yeah Give her some fake weed and see Give her K2, yeah, give her spice Yeah

Give her some oregano and have her smoke that and see if she can go to the store Throw some nutmeg in there too Just drive around in the middle of nowhere Dump her ass you it's not like she's gonna fucking like a sasquatch like Harry and the Henderson's

you know get out of here Harry get out of here Harry yeah we don't know I want you anymore we don't love you you know

yeah man drop her ass off in the woods yeah every time I think I'm at a point in my life where I'm like man

I'm kind of down bad right now I will think of this guy's email and go man I'm doing pretty good crippling weed

addiction bro what the fuck What? Without smoking, she's unable to do anything as simple as going to the store. Why would you want her going to the store? So she could buy more weed. Buy more weed? Or eating without throwing up.

Why would you want her eating? Yeah. What do you, a doctor? That shit pisses me off so bad when people are like, oh, I'm like a weed addict. They're like, you're a fucking bum. Like, call it what it is. Like, I smoke weed all day, every day. This is why there's no women homeless.

You see all this shit? fucking this guy is the biggest problem before we met this addiction caused thousands of dollars in legal fines that only I have the ability to pay for her so she isn't jailed is this real legal fines

so she isn't jailed throw in jail yeah if it is real don't pay the fine and let her go to jail and then you're scot-free there you go Since I returned to college a few hours away every moment in my free time is spent on FaceTime, usually arguing about how I have bad communication and every problem we have is my fault. I lied about an old friend's benefits that I'm still talking to early on, so she tracks my location and gets paranoid about everything. They feel like this is a fake advice email.

This is like the worst possible thing someone could be. I would just nope the fuck out. But there's one big problem. I propose to her because she said it would make her feel better. why is that a problem? It's just like stupid words that you said to an insane person Right

But I tell bums I don't have any cash I do have cash You got any money? No Guess what? If I do Guess what? BFN? I fucking got all the cash Guess what? Bop! I fucking do have money! That's my bank right over there

bitch Guess what bro? I fucking had change too And I'll throw it in the gutter as I drive out of Ralph's I propose to her because she said it would make her feel better I need every penny I have to move when I graduate so I want to get out of this before I have to pay her fine in a couple of weeks

Just don't pay the fine I don't know how to do it because I have seen her self-harm When I'm out at her Did you jack off to it? You should Yeah, at least get something out of it. I don't know how to do it because I have seen her self-harm when I'm mad at her and I know it would be really bad if I left. Oh bro she's a whore. She's just going to go fuck other guys when you leave. Well here's the thing too. You think she's going to kill herself?

Yeah right. You've seen her self-harm? Unless it's a trans woman. Go ahead. What are you going to say? I was to say if you've seen her self-harm well then it's time to take her act on the road, right? get her, you know, don't pay her fine, let her show off her act to jail. 5150 her ass. Yeah, there you go. Send her in there. Then you don't ever have to hear from her again, and you don't have to explain shit. That's what it's for.

They made 5150 so guys could escape women. Mm-hmm. So you could say, ooh, I got to get out of here. 51-50, you're ass. I know if she can't count that high. 51-50 and 49. You're fucking gone, bitch. Fucking gone, you fat bitch.

You're fucking gone. Crazy fucking bitch. Crazy whore. Get out of here. Get out of my. my life. Get the fuck. Go to jail.

Any advice to be appreciated. Call the fucking cops. There's no... Yeah, I don't think you should call the cops, you know. I don't like calling the cops for, you know, bullshit reasons. But getting rid of a woman, that's not... That's a real reason to call the police.

Well, and on top of that, too, it's like, let the system take care of her. Exactly. They won't. So then it's like you really don't have to... Let's shit. You know? Yeah. You're paying for it.

Call the system. There you go. Yes. Say, I'm very worried about my fiancé. She's cutting herself. Quit trying to beat the system and meld with it. Embrace the system. She cuts herself when we're upset.

I think she's gaining some weight. She's a weed. She's addicted to drugs. You throw that in there. And you got to get her. You got a 5150 her ass. Make sure you put that. She's got all these fucking grateful dead fucking shirts everywhere.

She's a menace to herself. Yeah. She's a beautiful. She's abusing stimulants or... She's abusing bum medicine. She's really a piece of shit. Your Honor, I mean, she's just fucking suck. And then fucking block her ass and then get out, man.

She'll meet a nice criminal in there and they can run off together and be bums together. It's... think of monopoly, my friend. Just do not pass go. and go, don't collect 200 and just let her ass go. Actually, collect your 200 and send her to jail. Walk away. Walk away. Let her ass rot.

Drop. What do you mean you're paying fines so she doesn't get to jail? Fuck that. Bro, that's your answer right there. Just don't pay the fines. You save money. She's in jail and can't contact you. Again, 100 billion people.

This is where we're at. And then just block collect calls. We haven't learned anything. We haven't learned one goddamn thing. Not a one. That's why this show exists, Dick. Let me look up when people started. When did humans start?

300,000 years ago, okay. Damn. The genus... Homo has been around for 2.5 million years. All right, so 300,000 years, and we haven't figured this out yet. You homo's been around for 2.5? Drug-addicted whore is off at the nearest whore asylum.

They got to bring them back. But then at the same time I'd wish they didn't bring the asylums back because then I'd run out of shit to watch on Instagram all day. They always got horror asylums. They can always have horror asylum. That's fine.

They got their own special thing. I need a little bit of insanity. Yeah, I need a little bit of insanity. Viewed from a very great distance. It's very comforting to know that Alexa is in Florida, not on this code. How many guys are dealing with this shit? All the...

For, like... I just put my wife on my credit card. You know how long I've known her? What? How long have we been dating 10 years? You fucked up. I thought I almost second-guessed myself. I said, nah, I think it'll be okay.

You get to watch in real time, minus 100. It said you want to add them as a... Your HP bar is going down. Said you want to add them as an administrator? Or I said, no. Yeah. Get that word off this account settings page. No, no, no, no.

Well, because now I want to be able to sort. Now I have to review every item to see where my... The DoorDash is getting fucked up. I like this. sort by her card and say aha you basically

Google calendared her she doesn't know it but yeah now I have the power now I'm taking the power back with technology

the enemy of dad maxing yeah for 300,000 years women have been subdued unk maxing is having no money so bitches can't take anything

but dad maxing is protecting it all I got to protect the money from without any of the self-harming. Right. Dad maxing or unk maxing is man, I never had shit anyway. Dad maxing is I got a leak somewhere this ship has a leak in it. It's spewing money out into the street. I got to find the leak and I got to find where this minus $100 sized hole in my house is.

I saw an infomercial for a spray that was patch anything. A guy went through a car wash with just spraying the spray. Patch over the numbers in your fucking... Patsch over anything, man. Credit card numbers is, oh, you can't read them. I don't know. There's a spray and you spray it on the credit card and women can't read it. Like the driver's license? Like the, what is that thing called? Car plate, license plate. Oh, yeah, yeah.

You put like that film on it and then the cameras can't read it. It's like that. This is for the bonus episode. You spray it on your credit card and women can't read. They're like, what the hell? Hey, what does it say? Is that a cue? What the fuck is that?

Just says 6-9-69-6-9. I got to use your card for something for the baby. Can I take it out of your wallet? Sure. Oh, yeah. Actually. Go ahead, grab it. And she's like, what the hell?

Then it's, has this ever happened to you? Hey, can I use your credit card? Ha ha, sure, bitch. Yeah, you dumb. What the fuck? I can't read it. Ugh. What the hell?

That's for the bonus episode. That's for the bonus episode, though. Okay. What? Let us know what happens. Whatever you do, don't spend another dollar. Yes. Save them.

Look, man, if you've never watched late night TV, watch that shit. Find the Lionel CoinBet. commercial? Lionel Coin Bank Save your money save your money Listen to that mantra

Listen to it It's not an ad It's a mantra Get the Lionel Coin Bank Fill that fucker up With every fucking Penny you need to save

To move out after college And I don't want to hear shit Unless it's Ding ding ding ding ding From the fucking Lionel Coinbank She doesn't even have big tits What are you doing?

What are you doing? The fuck are you doing? Bad investment Yeah You gotta go on Caleb Harris Show You can find another crack whore don't worry about that

yeah a dime bag it doesn't I'm worried because she'll cut oh okay me too you don't so worried I'm so worried about your fucking girlfriend cutting I am really

man maybe they could have some kind of cutting cutting welfare make her cut your credit card so she can't fucking keep spending on them yeah oh we gotta do something about all these cutters do better

cutters Okay This is sent in by Jason Straight to the bottom It says Did you know there's no weight limit to snorkel She's a fat bitch snorkeling She's wearing the ocean

As you can see Oh For a second I thought it was just a Fucking diving mask On cousin It She's wearing it's camouflage Right that's why I couldn't see the rest

But I see her hand now Oh my god Things Fat people do Oh my god Oh, so she's quirk chungis-macks. Big time. I'm just a big fat girl, and this is what I do.

Okay. Embracing the fat. There's multiple ways they embrace the fat. Sexually, where they're right, you were about to throw up. Yeah, still. It's coming up. But they're like, look at my hot body, like Cartman style. Look at my hot body.

Look at my hot body. And then quirk chungis-maxing where they're like, I can do We're doing stuff E. It's like now I'm fat But with Adventure Time music It's like

Okay Whoa she went to the bottom She went to the bottom And cracked the seafloor What they didn't show is she ended up in China And that's a jump cut She Look at her

Listen to her breaths Dude she looks like a She looks like a newborn and when she falls into the water like she's surprised by it every time. Run it back a couple seconds, but listen to her breath. She's like,

fat people doing stuff. We're boring and basic just like you. But you got to... Look at her falling into the water. She's panicking. Yeah. Does flat float?

Oh, oh. Not pictured as the oil rig crank in the background. Yeah. It's just total. like, look, I sound like I have a small voice and I'm so cute. And it's like I can hear the caloric content coming through still. My wife's not a quirk chung-as. I just knew she didn't know what it means. Right. Well, it's funny to tell. Yeah. Well, it's upsetting when you're

not a quirk chungis like, I'm not that. I'm not that fucking yeah. Don't call me that. That's where it's funny. She said something and then I was like, oh, it's a quirk chung-chung-a- little quirk-chung-sie. See, for her, it's a, it's a state, it's like, more of like a ribbing, if you will. This is like a medical qualification. This is a scientific qualification for this is a science-based podcast after all. 51-50. Get rid of them.

Oh, Jesus. I didn't even look. Oh, my. Men, do you find this attractive? This is three fat women. Their asses are the size of rhinoceros. They're bent over a marble kitchen

island. There was only room at the kitchen island for two of them. This one had to just stick her ass out behind her and her other ass both of her asses behind her totally like without the suggestive pose

like she's just bent over in the middle of the fucking crazy now what I hear a man talking do we know what uh yes he said let me get that that's any

Oh god, and the song is wet-ass pussy. Not from arousal, but from all the shit that melted into it. Yeah. The unwiped shit. Oh, God. And how much are they paying in health insurance? Uh, less than my baby son. And how much is the guy recording, paying in health insurance?

Uh, less than my baby son. Un-fucking real. There needs to be a reckoning. Needs to be a reckoning. Oh, okay, Charlie sent this in. This woman says, my biggest tip for weight loss is to take it one day at a time. Remind yourself there will be big ups and downs,

but you got this. So this is what she started as. Looking atrocious, fat, her nose is fat. She's got like the goblin king. hanging chin, you know? Yeah. Goblin King from the Hobbit. The Hobbit.

And then this is what she's worked herself out into. Now, this is... This is what they took from you. She went from goblin wings to fucking doing this. She went from the Goblin King to live Tyler. What's the elves? Oh, yeah. Skinny, attractive.

Probably have some to go. It's probably a flattering picture. But this is the... That's good. That's really good fucking progress. This is the 90s and this is 2025. And that's it. That's all there is to it.

2025, 50 year house mortgage, 1990s, just starting with the Indian immigration and 120 pounds. I know we've been saving this bit for the last episode, but I know we both have manila envelopes with 9 millimeters in them. Do we bud Dwyer it right now? Look what they took.

I don't even care about the fucking finances at this point. Look what they fucking took from us. This is the 90s, no erectile dysfunction, and 2025 erectile dysfunction. Yeah, why are all these men so impotent? This is. You know, it's the damnedest thing. Cactus pattern. Well, it's crazy because those are all actual size.

Yeah. Jim. Take pictures like a fat girl, too, still. Yeah. Youngest quirk maxing. There's always the tell, man. This is from Chris Carlucci. Oh, yeah.

News at 12. Danielle Grant is starving. This is a snap recipient. Channel 12. It's a big fat black woman. How much were these dreads? Right. let's see

it's really bad Daniel Grant is starving for just five cents for zero cents a day for the next 40 years you can make sure she doesn't go hungry

starving for attention what do you mean starving you're not saying like food are you starving? starving? Oh yeah and I'm handsome

starving are you? Both of you? The whole two of you, huh? Well, that's the thing is if she's starving, how fat is she's supposed to be? Oh, big. That's a big. She's supposed to be like a tank. They had to use the fucking wide, the 16 by 9 lens on her?

Danielle Grant is starving. Some skinny Asian bitch Read that with a straight face Are you serious? Well, let's see Is this about Snap? Did Snap come back on yet? Or is it still off?

I don't know, actually. It better be off. Daillish sent me a funny one about Because Snap shit is all out, certain people have been buying baby food and using that instead. Who's been buying baby food? Well, let me get that.

Wait, they're buying. they're buying an eating baby food baby food like the mush the mush baby food so now not only what are the shit's like? I don't know but that's even more unwipable never ending shit and adult eating baby food? Turn the fucking lights on

if you're eating baby food as an adult but I thought it was fucking hysterical I got the link somewhere but yeah it um that causes two problems now because now all the fucking baby food all the babies are out of food all right let's see what

Danielle is Grant is starving for validation Opportunity She needs to Well she's trying to snap into a slim gym Except she's Snap into a slam gym

Yeah Slam job That'd be a good Ad campaign Slams A big muscle guy walking around Slapping the slim gyms out of fat people's mouths You're making us look bad

You're not a blue collar worker get out of here. Okay, here we go. It's really bad. Danielle Grant is starving. I don't know. I'm trying to see what I'm trying to try to make his meat, and we can. Desperate for food, nowhere to go.

They're all fat. To the hope line today just to make an appointment to come back later in the week for food. Resources are slim, leaving 40% of the resources. How come companies aren't giving them food? free food then. They got money. They got money to bail people out of fucking jail. Dude, when I worked at a grocery store, the amount of things that would just be like, oh, damage, damn it. And they would just mark off like fucking 20% of the inventory all the time. Like, there's no shortage of it.

I haven't eaten since lunch. That's what she meant to say. Right before this interview, yeah. The Bronx sites without money to feed themselves. Some still in shock. You heard things before, but it's like, they're not going to let people starve. That's ridiculous. You know, but it's like, no, no. Start. She's not going to start. Like, what's happening.

We hope the food plan. Yeah, you literally have about six months of not eating. Yeah. And how many calories are you packing in your neck hump alone, ma'am? Yeah, well, that's the thing is to main, to even get to that size and then maintain it. Uh-huh. It's a feat in and of itself. Well, that show, like, alone where they stick them on an island and they don't ever have any food.

Yeah. They last like 120 days. fucking endurance round on alone. Yeah. We're going to see which one of you motherfuckers can outlast the Japanese crew who thought they're still at war. They take a duck boat and they pull it up to an island

and dump a bunch of like fat black women onto it. Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no. And then they spend they got to spend four months crying about snap. Alchemizing sand into lemon pepper seasoning. She's maintained open.

Because if they don't stay open, I really don't know what we're going to do next. We ask people their reaction to hearing that the Trump administration will partially fund the SNAP program. People say it's not going to do much. They have families to feed and already struggled at the end of every month when they were receiving the program. Oh, no. Wow. Oh, they're already, they were already, these fucking people, man. Always.

These fucking mooch, these mooch motherfuckers. It's never enough. It's never, fatter than hell. And they said, they even, even the way it was, it wasn't enough. Fuck you. Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins, man. Ah. Not enough.

At least this something. You are fucking fat, bro. Look at this. Yeah. Hold on, but I think everybody's going to have to get a second job. It doesn't really last the whole month. You know,

probably two or three weeks. And then about last week, you got to scramble with a fine. Man, slow down. Conserve your calories. The mom says pantries aren't always. They're going to eat that kid. Oh, no.

They're loading the kid up. Yeah, They have limited supply or by the time we get to the front of the line, then there's really nothing there. So, yeah, it's hard. She says, that's my money. It's not there. Yeah.

Back in my pocket. We don't know how much money. We'll get your lazy ass up and get to the fucking front of the line then. By the time I get to the front. The way you did. Yeah, you should have got your ass there earlier. You messed up. We'll be reloaded onto people's cards and when that will be.

In Longwood, Lindsay Tanny. starving all right starving marving over here is it's still down I hope it's still down man I hope that keep that shit off yeah

focal it's because it's funny hot bod says when her child is choking to death a fat woman runs for two steps in the background and loses her breath twice okay

okay oh this guy's She's having an episode of Hispanic panic back here Is he a fireman? He's beating this child on the back Not in a correct Like heimlich maneuver Let's see here

Okay Yes, view the story What the hell is this woman doing What's happening here? Why are they have bought? Are they blurred out? They're illegal. Okay, so So this guy's, this kid is choking?

Oh, Jesus. All right. You can't really see the fat woman here, hot bod. Try again next time. Try again next week. That I just see a child dying. Oops, you missed one. Try another one.

Liam says, I'm sorry for this one. Okay. Like where this is going? I saw something I didn't like I remember this SS BBW lover Oh come on It's a big fat woman

Hiking her gunt up Dad She's hiking her gunt up out of her shirt And she's putting it on a table or trying to It's like a pizza dough It's like she's trying to move a one-man waterbed It's like It's like 150 pounds of pizza dough

she's lifting. How bad do you think that table smells now? This is disgusting. She put her gun on a table and is jiggling it around and slapping it. Sounds like a waterbed too.

Her health insurance is less than mine. Costs 50 bucks a month. She's just jiggling it. Just jiggling it. Fucking they jiggle when they chill okay

alright let me do let me do some voicemails and then we're gonna do yours oh no oh god absolutely sickening okay

hey make sure you do voicemails first for the audio yeah right uh hey could you do it good this time that's fucking Hey Don't know those

Like cool dude Pet Talks Mm-hmm I haven't been feeling right Look even Go hunting my own death For like a week now Here is your life advice

You sound down bad as a motherfucker Go on YouTube Look up Mr. Shy City 3 Short for Mr. Chicago City 3 And go watch all of his videos having a fully stocked fridge will get you laid, Pimpin, and if you have some direction in your life,

like fill in your fridge with every drink imaginable to impress every kind of hoe. Yeah, you gotta have a quest. You'll need a quest. A soft drink-related quest. Jesus says you need to find your ninja way. Whatever you do, you got to get outside

and find it. Hey, Dick. I'm listening to episode 72 of the biggest problem in the universe uncut. And I'm realizing that Maddox is actually the woman who wouldn't go into the first class line because he's so staunch about fucking rules

and about what things say and about how things operate that he's pissed off at himself for not actually going into the first class line and hesitating. He did not see another woman there. It was literally him. That's all. It was just him. Coming back. How long ago was that?

That was Episode 72 The Biggest Problem How long ago was that? The biggest problem In the universe Oh yeah Maddox took it over

I'm a liar Yeah, man That was amazing, bro That's funny He didn't even have He could have put the In front Biggest.

The dick show.com Episode 72 when did this air September 29th 2015 10 years ago All right

Well I think the getting in line stuff's the least of his problems At this point He should have got in the line He should have got in the line He should have got in the line His whole life would have been different

Let's see what we got here Johnny Dick I just had to give a quick call once again, this is a guy that called Dick Short. Sorry about that again. But, um...

Dude, what the fuck, Johnny? Some of this shit, dude, the episode has been over for like 10 minutes and that fucking perka-durka that shoved that fucking pole through that dude. Oh, that was horrible. That was horrible.

What's that? That was horrible. I think it's... Oh, God damn it. Dude. What the fuck? Bye. Call me back.

That was a great call. I love it when people really hate something like that, because I saw that one, man, and I had the same. It takes a lot in me not to send them directly to Dick so that we have some sort of element of surprise. Because, man, what the... Dude, there's even times where I'm looking through shit, and I'm like, how the fuck did... Why did this get here? So I left the house early this morning.

if my fucking wife pissed me off and I'm headed toward my job I have to go through two roundabouts okay? Yeah. And every goddamn fucking time there's a goddamn woman

who stops on a goddamn break and almost fucking makes me air. They really don't like the roundabouts. They really don't get them. Yeah. Yeah. The goddamn roundabout is a fucking yield

and not a fuck. Yeah. They don't like, they don't get They don't get them. I'm with this guy. And I don't know why. They're afraid of them.

They don't like them. They don't understand them. They like stopping. Dude, it's like horses, man. Now that we've domesticated them even this much, you try and bring any sort of variable on top of that? Nothing. Not working. They're not, the horse's going to bowl.

Loud noises. Ah! Yeah. Any of that all... Yeah, I don't know how to fix it. You can't. Because they don't. don't really have women don't have a

anything resembling a roundabout in their in their world right you know it's like everyone working together there's a roundabout so they don't really understand me fucking they don't understand it

but why isn't that what does that guy do? Like well they kind of you know let's console with all them and see if they agree on this too yeah they're going too fast they're not going too fast they're in their correct lane you just got to just move Fucking move.

What should I do? No, do I need to stop? No. Just look and see if anybody... Look and see what feels right. That's the problem with roundabouts. You've got to look and, like, oh, I think it's okay if I go. And they don't like that it feels right, because everything feels wrong for them all the time.

Right. Or, if you got a big enough truck... They know, they shouldn't even be driving. I don't even... I don't... Nothing about this feels right. Why am I driving? What am I doing outside of the house?

You know, they're freaking out. If it says if F is circled on your driver's license, when the... they print them that just go straight into the garbage um okay let's see here transcription unavailable i like that those must have been good ones yeah uh thanks you so up jake so johnny

you know pissing me off it's when like celebrities dying or like fake celebrities like jane goodall and they're like oh she's so inspiring oh she like she did so much stuff and all she did was watching Monkeys have orgies and then have murder orgies. Like any fucking 12 year old on the internet has been doing that for the past 30 years or whatever.

You know, you know, I mean, it was on the internet 12 years ago. What does it doesn't matter? It's just stupid. Is that all she did was watch monkeys have orgies? Just watch? She was jacking herself off too. Yeah, my guy. As I heard. You're wrong at the, you're mad at the wrong things and you're wrong at the bad things too.

All right. Uh-oh. Let's do it. Well, thanks to you who are still listening, hopefully still watching. Man, so this first one is she sees fucking idiots, but we see the two-eyed Mike Wazzowski. Okay. Idiots are the ones who like to text and drive. It's a miracle that the drive is around.

She has kind of a weird shape. She does. She does. Telling you which way to go is exactly what they're prepared for. I see fucking idiots. Oh. I see fucking idiots. I see fucking idiots.

Right. If she sees them. Yeah, go ahead. No, I was like, what the fuck is she? Like, I just... I'm a turtle clan, a Reiki healer. Oh, wow. So she's crazy.

Oh, yeah. No, she's like off the deep end. Because she's only got 700 followers. Yep. Divorced mom material. Oh, you'll like this one. I almost brought this song in. File likes to groom and lure the ones that are young, makes it all seem like everything's fine,

like it's all just games and fun. Until the fucking file be comes due and the young one will feel hard-pressed, then the young one's traumatized by the fucking file series of events. The fucking file will threaten the young one. What is the hell she singing about? So go to the next clip and you'll see. There's a certain kind of fucked up file that's fucking. petto in nature

I'm glad we got around to this one I almost brought this one in first I don't know what the fuck you do but I know of a certain type of machine that I'd like to put this fucking file through I'm pro pedophile now right I was like I didn't I didn't want to hate her message more than the other one

Dude, she's a very odd shape. Like kind of an ice cream cone flipped over, wearing a red top, and her arms are really skinny. Somehow, yeah. She's all hunched up. She reminds me of the guy from South Park that needs the voice box. Yeah, that's right, yeah. Oh, yeah, Roz from Monsters Incorporated.

That was a fucking, they cooked her ass with that one. I like that one. That's right. Like a heavy metal, death metal, anti-pedophile song. Okay. This is just heavy. Is this the idiots? Yeah.

Fucking idiots are the ones like pics and drive. Oh, I guess that makes me the biggest idea. I'm going to L.A.? A mother's mission to ho? What the hell is that? Man. Maybe do the title again if that was the, if that's where it got cut off. Hey, y'all.

I'm reaching out with a heartfelt gratitude and appreciation. to ask for your help in making this trip to LA a dream come true. Terence was an incredibly talented individual who was tirelessly working towards his aspirations of music production. After he passed away, I felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility

to ensure his dream didn't perish with him. So I have been dedicating myself to writing, researching, and learning everything necessary so Mike and I can bring our son's vision to life. What? If you're able to donate, please know that every contribution counts. if you can't please share this with others

so her son died so she's singing she's going to she's becoming a singer-songwriter yeah in his place but she's writing her own songs she's not singing his look I'm doing my part by supporting

and sharing okay and you are too it's everyone else out there not giving her money to support her mission to hoe wait a minute so she's singing songs about pedophiles

and fucking idiots texting and driving yeah she got and this was her son is like I don't know black guy looks like a black guy

looking out across the windmills of um fucking 29 indio valley yeah that's not even

LA like what the fuck no it's like Joshua and if she's out there that's just LA's driving distance so then what the

yeah what do you mean support cherish the moment please someone out there wings we need wings on this 830 bucks

bucks? Dude, what? Is this real? Oh yeah, no, this lady's... I only did some preliminary digging on her. She was one of my candidates for the divorced mom's segment on a mother's day, but... Oh, support my trip to L.A., a mother's mission to honor her son, not to ho. A mother's mission to hoe. Why didn't she just leave out to support my trip to L.A. and, you know... Dude, what? I have been offered an amazing opportunity that is a allowing... me then this is raised $94. Wait, with a cost of $650 to $1,000 per day for the studio alone, not included. What?

This journey bring Terrence's musical dream to life with a cost of $650 to $1,000 per day. Oh, no, I'm sorry. Mike and I are traveling Los Angeles. Yeah, I read that. I began writing and recording my own songs as a tribute to Terrence. The song about pedophiles was a tribute to your day. dead son? He needs mink teeth on him now.

And in the process, is this fake? No. How could it be fake with $94? Well, and that's the thing is you dig through the rest of her count and it's like, Jesus fuck. Like, this is a mom who just like lost her mind. It's not like she had it beforehand, but she's just fucking, when she lost her son, the rest of her fucking psyche went with her.

And this is, see, created August 10th. This is a new fucking thing. This is new? Should I reach out and be like, hey, I can mix your fucking dead son. Yeah, obviously. Jesus. You know she'd be a huge pain in the ass.

Oh, I would never see a fucking scent. But the multiple posts, like all that shit is like, yeah, this is just a fucking crazy old lady. What the fuck, man? The santa's, oh. Is she any more originals? or did your son not die yet? It's all Halloween stuff.

All right. Yeah, so that's our first one of that. That's disturbing as hell. Oh, well, you're going to love this one. So not everyone deserves internet access, Dick. Okay. Right, old man. Old man.

Hey, what the... Old man in bicycle shorts. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Who the fuck is this for? Ew, it's a bunch of shots of his belly, stomach hanging over, like an old man belly button stomach, whole hanging over bicycle shorts. The whole account

is like this too. Two likes and one comment. Like dog. In the fucking trenches, man. Dude, why is he posting this? Zero likes. I truly don't know. Oh, of course there's dears and shit in this one.

He's in the shower here naked? Taking a shower? Get this guy off the fuck? Right. Who was this for? One day ago, one like. Now this song's ruined.

Yeah. Why are they all shots of his wiener? Dude, I'm telling you. Now he's in like workout equipped beer. And the fucking sparkle, zoom effect and shit. Insanity. I don't know. Oh my God.

So not everyone deserves it. And while we're at it, get this guy off the internet. too. Okay. You have to hear the song. A juggalo or something? A guy with a white mask and black eyes drawn on and stuff.

You'll see. And there's a woman leaning over to kiss him. Accurate lip syncing. It's not. And now he's got an AI. That other girl was AI too?

The whole thing is AI. He just like, look, there. Okay, so it's a guy that puts on a fake AI mask. Oh my God. And then he animates his shittily painted skeletons. And he's got a painting of skeletons that he made there dancing around. It just, I have no concept of what was even trying to be conveyed other than this is my new favorite form of art.

He's got some, an AI chick. It's all AI. With like minimal likes, of course. You know, it's like, you remember when like Troll 2 and the Birds movie was big? Yes. AI has given everyone the power to make stuff that crappy. Yes. And only make stuff that crappy.

Boy, is it crappy. Yeah. It kind of ruined that market. It did. It kind of saturated that market, the trash market. It did. Okay, what is this? Okay, so I call this crack watch.

All right. And my favorite, we got bugs in the same. skin everybody. We got fucking bugs in the skin. There. She's like, she's saying she has parasites, right? She's like, oh, I got all these parasites. For five years. My body.

She's just been picking at her skin. And she's like, well, it's obviously parasites and bugs. And she's fat, too. Oh, God. Her skin looks just gross. Picked at. Way, way, way picked that.

Five years, parasites moving in five years of picking. See why my nerves are bad. What is her health insurance at? Free. You get the tapeworms from ticks and they eat the ticks that eat you. There's no doctor treatment yet in over a year for them. Oh my God. Yeah, and if you scroll down, everyone's like, you're a fucking meth head.

Oh, and that's the thing, too, is... Wait a minute. She says she's a artist and Grammy producer and all this shit, but she has fucking nothing going on. Well, I mean, she's... It's crazy. Exactly. I got you. She won two Grammys with I got you?

Two Grammy U's. That's like a fucking like, have your friends vote for your like. She won two Grammy U's. This isn't her, is it? Yeah, so she posts all these like, see, I'm not actually sick and fucked up. Dude, what?

Mm-hmm. The most vacant stare you could ever fucking imagine. This chick has bugs in her skin? Yes. Wow. Yeah, dude. Wow. So like, some of them will be like, oh, this is a music post.

And then it's like, these people have been following me and putting buttons. It's like, oh, yeah. Damn, that's crazy. Yeah. All right. Well, I guess the bugs in his skin. Bugs in the skin, dude. First crack watch.

We got, okay. Oh, well, you clicked it. Well, it's just unmute it. This is called Pumpkin Season. Sleepy Hollow and the Headless Horseman. I am Iqabod Crane's. cousin? When Brom Bones met Leah, she cut off his head

and brought it to me after she turned and looked at him with her glare. You're going to hate this so much. Why is it a belly button? It's trying to roll up a joint. Does he have his wiener and a pumpkin? He cut the bottom with a pumpkin out and it's fucking sitting on his wiener

while he's trying to roll a fucking joint. It's like Buffalo Bill? Yeah. This guy's account is great. And then there's another video where he's jacking off with the handle of it too. I really got to lower my opinion of humanity. These people are fucked up. Yeah.

Dude, it's nerd. This guy is just out to lunch. And Bishop Akkakios said to me. No. No, this is... Bro. Math addiction. This is just...

I'm telling you, man. My collection of freaks and weirdos is that... I got the black book on it all. But... This guy's girlfriend's gonna be on one of these. This guy's gonna be on one of these if he fucking keeps... If he keeps... Yeah.

Don't be a pumpkin fucker. Yeah. Don't help. Bail. Don't fuck pumpkins. Everybody. That's the show. Patreon.com slash the Dick's show.

Dick Jutch show. We're doing a bonus episode on one. once I see next Tuesday See next pumpkin season Presenting That was worse than normal Isn't that bad?

I need the minks to wash my brain out IG Have a good week Sorry everyone