The Dick Show - Episode 487 Dick On Black Krang

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

What I want for Christmas, Black Krang, the day the screaming stopped, a woman soldier gets killed, Tucker Carlson says a slur on television, wearing a Santa shirt to go see Santa, eating ice, gay venom, dancing in horse poop in America, underage drinking, rinsing your turkey, and the true story of Thanksgiving; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

I miss that guy. I don't know what he's doing these days. Just getting back on the show, man. Yeah. He's a, yeah. You know what? You got to do, you got to do,

swap you out for Maddox. Just see how it goes. Just for one episode. Okay. Let's talk about that. I think that would be the, highest watched episode in the entire history of me too me too man that would be that's the last episode all right yeah that that's the last episode

go live yeah bitch go yes that's working sorry reddit man but we gotta do a little test i know you hate it i don't know there's something comforting about doing a little it's like when you launch your space shuttle no one's complaining that they're counting down right oh let's just get on with it already well you don't want to hear the Space Shuttle guy say test one-one too as it's lost a cost. Test one-one.

That would be better. Really got me. It's a little biggest problem reference for any of you that are still watching that show. We were just talking about how the greatest last episode would be. Of this show.

Oh, this show. Oh, what were you saying? Oh, biggest problem. Oh, you were saying, no, I meant this show. I meant the last episode of this show is just open on Maddox. Hosting this show. in this studio.

I don't know how, I don't know what the price would be for that, but that's the, that's the episode. That would be great. Doing everything, trying to raise my kid,

you know, dealing with my problems. Print out your notes and complaining about it. Bring out my notes that just say at the top, raped. That's the notes for this week.

Raped, underlined twice. How is this supposed to be a, how am I supposed to turn this into comedy content? Raped. Got it. Just read.

it's great. That's what I want for Christmas. The Maddox episode? No, to be raped. So I can, I finally figured it out. I finally think what do you get the guy that has absolutely nothing because all of his money is spent before he gets to buy anything that he wants, which is me. What do you get the guy that has absolutely nothing? Rape him. That's what I want for Christmas this year. Do you think you get arranged that? Can you hear it? Can you hear this? Can you hear this? Yeah, there we go. We hear it. That's what I want for Christmas this year.

Don't rape me in my home. Don't do a breaking and entering thing, like a bad Craigslist gone wrong, you know? But I do want you to rape me. Don't want to create any bad memories in your own house. Yeah, I don't want bad memories of my own house. I don't want my wife to get traumatized by it. Just like find me in a gas station or something.

You can rape me in my car. That's all right. Because I want to be able to say definitively what happens to me every Christmas is worse than being raped. So I'm going to have to be raped to figure that. Right. All right. Santa Claus. Going to Santa Claus. How much would you pay to go see Santa Claus? Fucking nothing. Guess how much it costs? How much? 60 bucks. You got a reservation or no? I said surely that's just for the registration.

Wait, 60 fucking bucks? 60 fucking bucks. That's for the good Santa. What the fuck is that? Us raping. It's another rape. The death by a thousand rapes. That's what I'm getting this every season. Every season it gets worse. Every Christmas it gets fucking worse. Every Christmas I gotta ramp up the jolly because the rapes are getting ramped up. When I was a kid, it was fucking free, man. I'm gonna sit on Santa's lap. Here's 60 bucks. I want to get raped for Christmas.

Don't ask me why. Go listen to my show if you want an explanation for why. I assure you the logic is sound. If the gyrate in Santa's lap the whole time. No, because then he'll think I want it. And I don't want it. I don't want to be fucked by Santa or any man. And yet here I am Every year getting fucked by Chummanum

Discovered everything Metaphysical concepts I'm being fucked by I forgot to open this thing I forgot to open up all my notes The most recent I'm raped Wait did I not save it? Fuck! Did I not save my notes? I saved him in the

wrong directory. Boom easily anticipated fuck up. You'll notice that raped are not on these because I thought of it in the shower. That's the worst place to get raped. Really? I would think that's the best place. You can just wash it off. But then you have to think about it every time you're in the shower. Yeah, you'll never shower again.

Huh. Pros and cons, I suppose. The worst part would be if you slipped and fell. It'd be hard to rape. It's hard to fuck someone in the shower. Doubly hard to get... That's how I would trick the devil. Like, all right, Dick, I'm going to... According to this contract you made. It's a baby oil shower. You have to be raped for eternity, and I'm going to let you...

Devil, can I pick where I get raped? Well, it's going to be the ass, but if you want the mouth... Don't worry, it's going to be the ass. You don't have to specify... Devil! Come on, devil! Come on, devil! You're not gay, are you? Let me just pick... You're not a straight homosexual.

You're not one of these straight homosexuals, are you? What? And he would be confused. And you'd go, I know, I'm not a straight homosexual. I don't know why. No. Sherry, you can pick, and I said the shower. You could rape me in the shower. Impossible.

I would be skipping around. Mike Tyson could try to rape me in the shower. I'd be like, do, do, do, do, do, do it's wiggling around the shower. For all eternity. It would be enjoyable for me. And it would be more enjoyable than paying $60 bucks to see Santa Claus. Can you believe they couldn't fit all that into the devil goes down to California? And that's me going.

going around the shower not getting raped 60 bucks for Santa though dude and my wife a package arrived and I said oh boy more raped

a package arrived from Amazon two of them Amazon doesn't they want you to know how hard you're getting raped now Amazon they send everything in its own package sometimes Amazon will just send you packages that are empty

they just have packaging in them just as a warning shot just to fuck with you just to PTSD you more just to sew discord in your life fill up your garbages yeah to fill up your garbages

I said what's this I don't want to know what's this my wife says oh it's something really great that I got for the Santa picture so the $60 Santa

picture what could be better what could make that better just check it out an outfit and she busts out the outfit for the baby and it's a t-shirt with a picture of Santa on it like what is

and what's in the other package she's like it's a hat a Santa hat I'm like how is who the fuck is Santa in this picture how are you going to send a baby dressed as Santa to take a picture with Santa that doesn't make no sense

big fan I was gonna say that but she's like yeah it's like when you go see a band and you wear a shirt like you wear a fish shirt you go see fish like that's fucking retarded yeah who goes to see fish I don't want to go I don't want to be the world's biggest Santa fan going to see Santa.

What does he get into a Santa... And I knew I went over the line a second I said it. Yeah, does he get into a Santa shaped car and drive to a Santa shaped house? Yeah. She's like he's got Santa shaped socks, too. I'm like, that's... He's going to look... They're going to draw a little green line on the picture.

That's him going to Santa too much. You got to get... If you want the perfect Santa pick, Santa's got to be, you know, leaning in a little bit. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? Saying I don't want a baby wearing a Santa shirt to go see Santa?

Well, you don't go see a cover band and wear the real band's shirt. Yeah, okay. Do you? I don't go see cover bands or real bands. It doesn't matter either way to me. Like, I don't know. I don't want to give Santa the satisfaction.

Again, it's not... It's a fucking fake guy anyway. It's like wearing a Jesus shirt to like... Now he's got... Now I'm pimping him out because he's got to react to it. I don't want to be the guy that pimps Santa out. Right.

That's an improv term. I'm gonna... He's got to react to what I'm doing and it's on him. Wearing a baby Jesus shirt to the fucking live nativity set somewhere. Santa sucks. That's what he should be wearing.

That would be cool. That would be cool. And then he's gonna be crying. Ah! Little sunglasses and like a little spike bracelet. Fuck! Now I have to get that shirt and pay another 60 bucks.

go take my own picture god damn it that was perfect timing for this presenting raked rape break break break break break yeah welcome to dick you want dick you need dick you love it you love dick you got it coming to you from mountain barker deep in the heart of the city failure me host dick mash and a k the twenty million dollar man joining me is always his world no not you got to tour the world or something i can't unlearned how to say that i'm insane it for

eight years. I've been around the world. The world touring. It's not the same. Johnny the audio engineer. How's it going, Dick? Fucking horrible, man. Fucking horrible. My son stopped screaming. He would scream about 10 hours a day.

There's a Reddit for babies that have really extreme colic, and it's basically just people talking about how they wish they were dead. I was like, I thought I would feel some. My wife started I woke up to a bunch of links to Reddit, Oh, oh, that's not a good sign.

That's like going to WebMD. Yeah, it's bad. Reddit is like a depression mine. People sink in there like the door in Beetlejuice. When those guys are like, ooh. He stopped screaming. We were at the hospital, getting an MRI on his head, an ultrasound on his head.

Because the doctor said his head's too big. And I said, that's not a problem. Everyone in my family's got a big head. Not a problem. You got a big fucking head too, Doc. What are you talking about me and my son's big heads for? Fuck you. She goes, well, you know, the neurologist says come in right away.

Get him scanned for something that makes him retarded. It might be making him freak cry all the time. Like, man, I don't know. This private doctor shit, I don't know if it was a good idea. It sounded like a good idea when we started. Pay like a hundred bucks or 200 bucks or whatever a month and then you could text the doctor all the time. But then they want to, like, show that they're doing all kinds of, like, private doctor shit,

which means going to the hospital a lot. So I might have fucked myself on that one. I want old, I want old lazy doctor back. Give me a DEI doctor. That's what I want. That's what I'm going to get next year. Indian doctor. It doesn't even look up, you know.

Not an Asian one either. So we go there. He's fucking screaming. And they start, they start ultrasounding his head. And they're like, well, these fucking ventricles are, they're big, but there's nothing really wrong with them. And then some, every hospital's got to have like, you know how every movie theater's got to have a retarded employee? Mm-hmm. Every hospital's got to have like a Somalian employee or like a Haitian employee.

This bitch comes in. She's like, oh, he got the hydrocephalis black. I mean, some kind of like, you know, not American black. Oh, he got the hydrocephalis on the brain? I'm like, yeah, and she goes, when you first noticed that his eyes sunken in? Like, what the fuck you're talking about? His eyes aren't sucking? She goes, when you first notice?

Like, is this like a trick? Is this? Lady, I'm not in the mood for riddles tonight. Get out of here. She measures his head wrong. She measures his head, like starting at the one mark on the ruler, measured his head, and then said, what, 18 inches? And I'm like, you know, you got to subtract that one.

That one doesn't mean... I saw you write it in the chart. And then you set it out loud, 18 inches. That's not how the fucking ruler works. Are you going around? Are you going all around the hospital measuring people where the one starts? Because that's not how it can work like that. The Mexicans do that on jobs when they're, you know, doing construction work, but they subtract it.

You forgot that part. Get out of the country. They have to go through all the charts she did. They're all off by one. Did she leave a gap? between the forehead too? Did she leave like a little triangle? He's all wriggling around you like,

oh, that's good, 18 inches. Like, you know, that measurement is what got fucked up our whole night. So do it correctly. Or else just write that you didn't do it. Just say I didn't do it. That's fine too. I don't fucking care. So they're doing the, he's screaming.

Yeah, it's been like, it's been like two and a half months of this, bro. I know, I get it. I hate, I wouldn't want to be a baby either. I hate it too. It fucking sucks. They're fucking doing the thing on his head Doing the ultrasound putting the goo on his head And then there's there's like a silence

After they leave and we're waiting to see if he's got water brain Or some kind of fucked up Organ Trail disease It's all the organ trail diseases are for babies Like you go to the doctor and they're like well you got herpes Or you tore your meniscus like normal diseases You go there with you go there with a baby and they're like Oh he's got like baloney feet

Like what? He's got like erotic diphtheria. No. I go to a doctor and they call me a waterhead. I'm fucking swinging. Are you fucking kidding? Awesome.

Yeah, I am a water. I'm feeling pretty watery. I'm feeling pretty loosey-goosey, doc. Fucking, he said drip, drip, drip, drip-h-o fucking dome. That's crazy. Oh, shit. Saved.

Blessings from St. Sean of Diet Coke. Oh, say his name. Do you stop screaming for a second. And I'm like, oh fuck, he stopped screaming. What did he die? I look over there. Look over at my son. And his mom's holding him and he goes like this.

He's big like a Muppet smile. And then goes and hides. I'm like, what the fuck was that? What was that? You're laughing? Are you? So I'm waiting and he picks his head back up and looks at me and goes, ah!

And then hides again. And I'm like, you think this is funny? Like all this is... Was all this like a joke? Was all this a fucking game to you? Was that 10 weeks of, was just all a big practical joke? Didn't scream. Totally fucking done.

Totally fucking done screaming during the day. Oh. Yeah. I was going to say maybe he was just upset that he couldn't express his humor. I was thinking that too. He was just like, damn, I got to get this joke off. He laughs like kind of retarded. But, you know, it's not a real laugh yet.

Maybe he is a waterhead. Full on, like, like Dom Deloese. And watch me. Did you see Tucker Carlson saying... I heard about that. I didn't get a chance to see you. Oh, my God. We're back, baby.

That's amazing. Ooh. You know how I know we're back? How do you know? I was in the grocery store. I was looking at the can't just to see what's new and whatever. I saw a bunch of crunch on the show. shelf again. A bunch of crunch? That's fucking

back. Ooh. And I was like, wait a second. Hang on. Ooh. Is the fruit, uh, is the fruit werewolf back? Is Count Chocula still around? I didn't even give a fuck this Halloween to think about it. Is booberry back?

That's what I call every ghost now. Is it a booberry? Boob berry? I can't go in that house. There's booberries there. Uh, bunch of crunch. Now you're talking. Right. So I'm like, If Butterfinger Beebees come back, cool.

But the thing I would hope they would bring back would be P.B. Crisps. You remember those? No, not really. It was those peanut-shaped cookies with peanut butter in them. Yes, I thought those were called nutter-butters. No, because... What fuck am I thinking about? Was there a cheap version of that?

Because that's what we had. No, PB Crisps was a planar's thing. And it was shaped the same size as a peanut. And the outside was cookie, and the inside was peanut. But anyway, if they bring those back, then we're fucking back. Then we're fucking back. Fully entirely back. I couldn't believe that face that I saw on my son's fucking face He's like I've never seen someone so happy

They finally clicked how much money you were wasting And he's like well you can't you know Then never screamed never screamed after that what an asshole Yeah it does end I thought I read those Reddit things and like they said did one day just stops And I said there's no fucking way it's impossible it's too much we What you have to do now is go in with extreme toxic positivity. Well, you guys are just not being patient enough. And, you know, start pointing the finger at everyone else.

Look down on everyone. What I did. Yes. Oh, God, that's the worst. Everybody did something and then something stopped. And they're like, well, that was it. I better go proselytize that as much as fucking possible. Every time, man.

Don't ever let somebody who has, don't ever let someone with too much time and too much researching of what's, poisonous in your house and to lecture you, man, everything's fucking poison in my house. Everything.

The woods's bad. The fucking air's bad. Cool. Oh, my wife's friend came in. She's, you ever jacked off in this house? I'm like, oh, the air is bad. It's full of semen. You got to get a new air.

It's aerosolized. Um, we went to a Christmas party on the street Hell yeah Yeah And My wife

Came back She went back Fed our baby And I came back Came me the baby And baby Immediately throws up On me

And my shirt And my jeans And like all down He threw up like right on my chest And it goes all down All down my shirt And I pulled him away For some

I'm like What the fuck? I pulled him away To clean off Like what the fuck And then my neighbor sees me. And he goes,

hey kids, this guy threw this guy threw up all over himself. Look at this. And points, he's like about this far away. Points of me and goes,

look at this. Look at this guy. Threw up all over the and all the kids go. It's like, all right. That's nice. Good for you. And we go home.

The end of the asshole. Did you know that guy? Yeah, I know that guy. Okay. We went home. My wife goes, you have no idea. I wanted to see that my whole life.

I wanted to see someone point at you and everyone laugh at you at the party. I don't need anything for Christmas. Thank you for that. Okay. That's good. I'm glad you had fun at the party. It wasn't even your own barf.

No, it wasn't. So that's the real... All right. Let me see what else I have here. $60 Santa man. Can you believe that? Unfortunately, I can't believe that. But can you believe that?

Look at this. Can you believe this? How about this? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, ... Don't fuck me like this. Can you believe this gay-ass venom? What the fuck is going on here? Johnny, what is this, man?

What is this gay ass? Venom doing? They got Venom's ass. They got Venom. Venom is like, see-through. This is a new Marvel's video game. Venom is see-through, purple, got a fucking giant ass doing all kinds of gay dances and stuff. What the hell are they doing to these kids?

I just... What the hell are they doing to these kids, man? What the fuck, man? Let me get the... Let me find the video. It's even worse. It's even more worse. Ah, look at this shit.

Look at, look at this shit. What the... Venom's grinding and bumping. his butt? Like he's at a Like he's at the abbey Like he's at some gay rave It's so crazy to me

How much this like Gummy Gummy venom is twerking Little boys are looking at this All the women in this game Look like dudes What the fuck is going on? It's all dudes

It's all dudes Oops all dudes That's a new cereal for little boys I just hate It's all dudes A bunch of Weedy cocks A bunch of

Frosted Cox. Cod poops. Thanks a lot. It's just crazy to me how, like, I don't know how comics work and all that, but it's like, oh, well, ever since, like, the... They're all gay. That's how it works. Well, that's how I've always assumed it works.

But I feel like ever since the, like, what if we just get really lazy and do this multiverse shit? Yeah. It's turned into, like, well, this venom is just as good as this venom. It's like, well, that was the original creator's, like, intent. You're just some asshole who, like, got hired for the job that week. Like you have no... Yeah, this is gay venom. Sucks. Get it out of here.

Yeah, it just is all so... Cupcake venom. How could anyone possibly, like, take any of this seriously? Can I have hot venom? Could I have huge tits, venom? Is that possible? Keith, why do we have all these fucking vans? Why does everything, like...

You could see his asshole. Look at this. You could see Venom's asshole. I didn't ever want that. I mean, that's where it would be. That's not covered up or anything. It's not even prolapse. It should be the little guy, right?

The little mouth guy, like, out of his asshole. Yeah, it should be one of his little guys coming out. Hey, hey, queer mo. Yeah, what are you doing looking at me? Take a picture. Like tremors. Right, yeah. God, that's gay.

That's... Let's see. The National Guardsmen got shot. Do you see that? I saw something about it. I didn't look into it. Saw something about it? They've been trotting this.

Here's one of them. They've been trotting this around. A couple things have been happening. This is one of the National Guard's persons that got shot. Sarah Bextrum. And I guess I didn't really see anybody asking this, but my question is, what the fuck was this woman in the National Guard showing up in Washington, D.C., where no women should be, shooting criminals and stopping crimes from happening?

So they could make a news story about it. Why was this woman? Why is this woman wearing army clothes going around with a gun in Washington, D.C., trying to stop crimes? Why wasn't only men doing that? Why was... Why have the two people on patrol that day that some psycho-Afghani immigrant, who I guess helped us, quote, helped us during Afghanistan? I don't know if that was arranging Bachi-Bazi boys

to trade with... I don't know what helps means, but apparently a lot of these whack jobs, a lot of Vafghanis like helped out over there. And so they got a free pass to come to the... For some reason, some very assonine reason.

They got... It's like... It's like everything is being done according to, like, comic book, cartoon rules. Like, well, you helped us here, so we're going to take you to America. You're a good guy now. You're a good guy. You helped the CIA

sabotage and murder a bunch of people, so we're going to go ahead and bring you into the country now. And no one is around to go, hey, don't do that. No one is around ever to go, hey, don't do that. Hey, we got this chick. As you can see, nothing intimidate, nothing genetically intimidating about her. And no point in the hundreds of thousands of years was this person, this template of human being,

ever touching the, ever touching the realm of combat or fighting or anything like that. Eyes are closer together. The bone structures totally. I can't carry shit. Everything is, everything in the phase is screaming, you know, mating and sex, lips, eyes,

facial structure, all of none of this says we've built, this person was built by God or evolution to go out and police the streets. None of that. None of that is being said about this person. We're going to take them and give him a gun. And better yet, you're going to love this part. We're going to pair her up with the guy.

So he's got to worry about, he can't just worry about killing this dude. he's got to worry about this woman that he's been assigned to protect. What we've done is it's really an amazing thing that we've done. We've taken our army guys

and we send them out with now stand back for this one. We send them out with like a government issue wife. So they can't just go out and take care of business. They also have to worry about their fucking wife. And what's next is we're going to give them a little baby.

We're going to make the little baby for them to carry around So they're just totally Sabotaged and hamstrung at every effort No one's I don't see anyone asking that question Why the fuck is there a woman Doing the National Guard It's now dead The idea that they all have a bunch of fake babies like fake baby factories

Like you guys are not gonna believe this This will really amp everybody up This will really get them in killing mode You think the fake wife that we sent him around with was hot, let's give him a little baby to carry around. And every once I go, I go, that'll really get our guys in tip-top fighting shape. It's fucking stupid.

It's just fucking stupid. It was fucking stupid when it started. It continues to be fucking stupid. Now two people are dead. Every part of it. We, we, um, we teamed up with a bunch of, uh, our psychos that actually we, it's great that we send them into the,

Middle East so they can fuck around over there because we don't want them over here fucking around. They teamed up with some of their psychopaths and did a lot of shit. Basically just did a lot of murdering for no reason. So anyway, we're bringing them back and we're going to bring the psychopaths that we made friends with over there. No. Absolutely not.

Yeah, but what about like, don't we owe them? Yeah, you guys owe, yes, you do. but I'm first You guys owe me 40 years of shit you owe everybody here insurmountable debt

You haven't even started paying back So we'll make a big list And put those guys that you teamed up with To be assholes somewhere else At the bottom And then once you get through everybody else Then you could get to those Then you could start letting them in

This is fucking crazy I just love the idea that we send all our tweakers and crackheads over to the Middle East. I thought that's what the CIA was. You're a crackhead and a tweaker? We got a job for you in the clandestine operation. There's a whole microwave factory out in Syria

you got to dismantle. Yeah, you can't fuck up because we don't care about what happens over there. As long as it stays over there. You're bringing them back, yeah. It's a big fucking problem. We can't dress women up like army guys and parade them around like

that's reality. If you get a bunch of fucking whack job Islamist psychopaths if you bring a bunch of human pit bulls into the country oh, whoops one of them snapped and fucked up? That's crazy. I can't believe it.

It happened again? Oh man. Another day that ends in why? Yeah, wait, I got some of their this is funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's their first reaction. I'm not going to play this retards video. There's a bunch of um there's a bunch of afghanis who i guess think it's the late 90s or something or the early

2000s they might they must think obama's running for president or something and it's that time period this is every single one of their first reaction to woman getting killed doesn't matter that she's wearing national guard i mean it's retarded that she's pretending to be a national guard person but you still can't kill you still can't kill her and you guys definitely can't kill her ex-boyfriend um you know we're kind of It's illegal, but, uh, not the same. You got you retards, you fucking weirdo, jihadi guys. Anyone, no one from the Middle East can be killing women for any reason in this country.

Um, this is the prevailing sentiment from the side of the, uh, from team, uh, team Islam. This guy says, any act of violence that harms innocent human life is terrorism and must be condemned. without hesitation. I'm kind of like burned out on all these condemnations. I don't know who I guess it's like office humor. Like they can tell the same joke

every day and it still has in it like people like someone says long story short they have said it and the people they've said it to are eating it up. They're like oh wow long story short yeah that's how I feel about it ends up being a 10 minute long fuck

story anyway. Any act of, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just, nobody talks like that. Right. Condemned without hesitation. Nobody thinks like it either. It's like, it's like getting an office email. Like we hear at like trash, garbage.

It's garbage. Nobody wrote that. It's garbage. The whole department wrote that. Yeah, this is trash. It's insulting. Praying for the full recovery of the two National Guard soldiers and strength for their families. Okay, you could tolerate that.

right? I also hope that one foolish man's actions will not result in the punishment or blame of the entire Afghan community. It will. That's what we're doing now. It will and it does. Everything, we're doing this thing called not being fucking retarded anymore. Where everyone gets blamed for one person's fuck up. It's great. It's like going back to second grade. Hey, guess what? Nobody's going to recess today. Afghanistan's not going to recess today. Because one of you fucked up, you better figure out we're not doing trans shit anymore. Because one of you guys fucked up and decided to play basketball or decided to be women up in the MMA ring and you didn't stop it.

So now everyone's getting punished. That's the new to be, because we found out, we found out that we can't, we couldn't punish you. We can't go cross group anymore. The straits, the noticers, we're like, hey, that guy's fucking a. around. We better stop him. And you guys gather, circle the wagons. Or circle the donkeys or whatever you have. Circle the Korans and say, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

So now we're doing, now we're going all the way back to basics. Second grade, figure it out. You're all getting punished. I made a rule for myself where every time I'm on the computer, I can only listen to things that were printed on CD. Yeah. So it's all like limp biscuit, like Linky Park. It's a great rule. Dude, it's great. I'm sitting up there. I'm like, man, I got computing to do. I'm not wasting my day, doom scrolling. I don't even know what that is. I'm playing

a media off a CD. Playing a CD. Because you couldn't put, you couldn't press shit to a CD, like pure shit. Yeah, you had there had to be a level. It was like a product, not a like homemade thing at that point. Yeah. I think, uh, obviously it changed. The democratization of media has shown that only podcasts are can you just shit out? Yeah. Everything else you need Hollywood, you need a music industry, you need somebody or else it's just crap. It's not fucking good. It's just not, it's none of it's good, but I'm over here listening to Astro Lounge by Smash Mouth. Like, wow, this is a great record, man. Oh, which one was that? That was the one with the, was, was that before after All-Star? That was All-Star on it.

Oh, that was All-Star? Yeah. Dude. I listen to that. Dude. Fucking the God. El Pedrino. That's the gayest song

maybe ever made it, but it's a banger. There's something about where it's like, man, I know this, like everything about all this sucks, but I was like... Exactly! It's recorded and produced so well

that I know people got screamed at. And they're singing their hearts out, man. They're like, dude, we're going to go on tour after this. We're going to make... Not talking about the mob. They're not. Italians. Yeah.

As much as they looked apart, yeah. There's fat guys that wear hats. Yeah, and my favorite thing is towards the end of his career and as he careened closer towards his death, you know, he was like, on stage, getting drunk and like someone threw a piece of brat at him and then he's like,

I'm going to kick your fucking ass and then he gets, while they're trying to play all-star. Dude, great. And I'm like, damn, what happened to that? So I have missed all that so much that I'm like, you know what? El Padreino. Yeah.

I'm like, maybe it is time to you. Writing funny songs about the mob. Yeah. But if it's all the same to you, do, do, do, I don't see another, something. It's like, it's so bad, but I'm like, why is this refreshing? It sucks, but it's so. Yeah. I guess it's just because it's been that much time.

But the great thing is, is you go to any record store, you'll find a fucking bag of CDs for like five bucks. Like, here's 20 CDs. I'm like, you mean I got all this creed for fucking five bucks? That would have been a fucking $300 order back in the day. Holy shit. But yeah, there's something life-changing about, like, hey, man, if it's not on this, like, I'm not streaming. If I'm not streaming the computer, I'm unzipping my fucking case logic, fucking CD library. Mm-hmm.

You got a binder full of cards? I got a binder full of fucking scratch-ass CDs. I fucking spolishly threw them away. Ah. threw all my CDs away. It's all right. Well, you can buy them back even cheaper now. So it's great.

Yeah, you can't get them on Amazon music because it's like, remastered. Like, new Led Zeppelin album, it'll say remastered, like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I want that. Like, listen to the system of a down and remember thinking about all the brown kids at school who were like, don't hate me, like, I had nothing to do with it. In the back moment, I'm like, you did. You did. I knew it. I fucking knew it. You did have something to do with it. And re-listening to all this music again, I'm like, that's right they did all do it. You did have something to do it. You fucking did. I knew it. Okay, then who did have something to fucking do with it.

That was my next immediate question. And then I was like, that's it. Crack the fucking monster. Fucking. It's like, it's so fucking transparent. Whoa, I hope this. Hey, whoa, this one guy's action surely doesn't reflect on all of us. Like, you know what?

That wasn't my first thought, but it is now. Yeah. I'm glad that you brought that up. It is now. You made it really easy for me to, you made it really easy for me to, to deal with it. Now that I know who's not at fault. Now you're running defense. I know there's a reason for it.

Right. And I don't like that. Yeah. Because you could just be like, hey man, that really fucking sucks. I hope they get better. Cool. All right, that seems like just like a generically human thing. You're front-running the racism and preemptively blaming me for it.

So I'm going to take that up and go ahead and be as racist as possible. Yes. Since I'm already there, I'm going to go ahead and embrace it. Since you're putting the burden on my shoulders, I'm going to keep you. carry this burden into the sun. You got it. You fucking got it. In the words of Peter Weber, you want to, you got it. Hey, you're not looking at that and thinking that I'm responsible.

I am now. Sorry, who are you? Well, I'm the same race. Oh. Oh, yeah. And you're from the same country and stuff? Huh. Yeah, get out.

Get the fuck out of it. And do you have any legal? Can I get you to leave? Yeah, then leave. If you're already out there, then leave there too. They're like all these army guys fucking army people are Man they're fucked up

They're fucked up They are real They are the victims of a really Insane Sciop From themselves Most you know from older versions of them But they're like Tripping about

Do you dodge We can't turn our backs on these people Like we turn our backs on you You're supposed to die over there You don't want you to come back Yeah you never get help with the VA Yeah Like what the fuck

What planet are you idiots Living on But yeah No one profited more than probably Dodge Selling Hellcats to all the guys Who got their sign-up bonuses And we're like, whoa, need a Hellcat And it's like cool, yeah

You go die Then we impound your car And then you know Uh Here's a nice shot Of the Rose Parade And let me see if this looks cool Or the Thanksgiving Day parade

Is that the Rose Parade? I don't know Don't look at what it's called Yeah This is not in India This is the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade Um

They They They These uh These Dancers Whatever high school Dance team was following

The horses And they had to do their They had to do their dance If you look There's a bunch of horse shit on the ground They're doing river dance In horse shit And they're not wearing

shit because I guess they're the ringworm club of America also. Just flinging shit all over each other. And they're, I mean, this one's too fat also. The fat one reached out and grab a bite. Ew. Ew. They're surfing all in it?

The horses shit where the dancers are supposed to be. You would think for all the events, we've ever had as a global society, right? Like, you would think... Can somebody clean that shit up, please? Or just like, why not put the horses fucking last or something? Yeah, put the horses. Put little diapers on the horse.

Walk over the people sitting on the sides with the horses. Don't dance over there. Yeah. Don't dance right in the poop. Come on. They're just going to know you as poop dancers then.

Hey, are you part of the Indian cheerleading team? Okay, here's the Tucker Carlson man Oh man, oh man I don't even know if I can play it I don't even know if I can play this I play it for one second Do we do a dramatic retelling of the script? Oh man, I got to bleep them or something

Do I have a bleep button? Let me see I can delete them all in post Maybe you have to I don't know I don't know if that'll bleep it out though No but it'll be funny to hear both I'll just pretend I haven't heard this before

It's like trying to cough over a fart. You just only hear about him. Okay, I'll cough over it. All right. All right. Let's see if that works. Would you say the word faggat? Okay.

I didn't do it very well. All right. Let's try it. Would you say the word faggot? Did that work? No. You got a mute. Okay, see if you can mute his.

Let's see if the automation works. Yeah, do you have like a tap mute? Let's try it. Or wait, I think I do. Let me try it. Oh, okay, yeah. Okay. Would you?

Say the word faggat? No. Why? You don't want to get arrested, do you? No, it's not going to be arrested. Oh, because it's so harmful to people? No, no. Is it like gay bashing?

What's wrong with that? Actually, my whole issue with the whole trans debate, for example, is you don't need to slide into actually saying drogatory stuff about trans people to make the point that women's right to make the women's right. Well, I agree. So I don't believe it. No, but it's a magic word. I don't believe it needlessly sneering. I'm not smearing anybody. I just think.

But would you use that word? Faggot? I just do it. And I'm using it because you're not allowed to because you're... I'm allowed to. Go ahead. I don't want to. Say, I love gay people.

Fagget. I'm allowed to. This chick just got arrested for it and convicted. So that doesn't have a chilling effect on your ability to... There are people watching this who will be offended by the use of the word... I'm sure they will. I'm not anti-gay. I never have been.

I can use any freaking word I want. By the use of the word chick. A chick. Okay, whatever. Damn up. Get up. Comparing women to chip. Ah, man.

What a lucky guy. Just go on. TV, save, slurs. I get paid for it. You get paid for it. Cool. When I was a kid, or maybe like a teenager, you know, you're like, oh, yeah, like porn stars.

That's pretty cool, right? Right? Yeah. Did everyone think that? Or, like, musicians. Like, wow. that's cool. Everyone's cool. And then once you get all the access, you're like, yeah.

Yeah, but then you grow up and you're like, oh, musicians like they got to play the same song every time, you know, they're always on the road, you know? Porn star is like, there's fucking fat chicks and it's gross and they're fucking guys too, like, uh, and then you learn when you grow up that like the real, the real heroes

are the guys just saying slurs on television. See if he would have fucking flip the couple bunches of little couple things a bunch of crunching his mouth and put on some glasses? He should have said the N-word at the end just for the hell of it. And then flicked one against his forehead and then did the point

hitting with a hard fucking R right to his face. Man everything's turning around. Dude, I'm telling you, again, seeing Buncher Crunch out of the blue with no advertiser. I was like, get the fuck. I was like, wait, hang on. Because now you can say with absolute seriousness

and certainty, okay, you really represent our interests as a politician? Go ahead and say the F slur on television then. I need to know you're not an AI politician. Yeah. I need to know that you really understand reality, understand what's happening,

and are prepared to, you know, do anything for me. And that is totally encapsulated by you going on television and using slurs. And I'm not exaggerating or playing around or being silly. It is. If you can go on TV, say slurs, then you're probably then you can probably do everything else

that we need. But if you can't, then you definitely can't. Well, it's like, you know, every so often I'll see like that clip of, you know, in the 80s when they're like introducing the drinking and driving band. Yeah. And they're like, well, that's like, you know,

I'm just having one on the way home. Dude, I love those stories. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, you know what? I don't see what the problem is. I just needed one in the car after work. if I'm sure if they got rid of all the immigrants

they could bring that back drinking and driving on the road yeah you're right if someone was like look I'm gonna get rid of all the immigrants and we're like nah we need you know all the new ones coming out like hey I will allow one or two

on the way home beers one or two in pub wherever you're at one or two not if you don't not if you're gonna go crazy you know if you go crazy no but in the car if you got one in your hand and none of this like BAC shit no You're just, if you're being crazy, if you're driving around, if you're looking crazy, you're going to fucking jail.

Yeah. We're not doing breathalizers anymore. Just keep that shit. This is between you and God. The system is the traffic flow. If you interrupt that, you're out. Yeah. They introduced the science thing, and it was like, it messed it up.

Because anybody could blow a 0.08 at any time. Well, and in the science thing, too, they show that one or two beers, your reaction times, like, pretty much the fucking same anyway. So they're like, uh. Yeah, and you can't. You can't blow weed. Like you can't blow a... They're trying to, yeah. Are they really?

Who knows if they will or not? But it's like... What do they possibly test for? Because you can't blow... Yeah. I mean, they can't tell if you're high just from your breath, can they? I don't know.

I'm sure they're gonna make some fake... They ask you if you're high five times. They're like, they show up to your window with McDonald's and if you reach out, then you're fucked. During the... During the sobriety test, if you reach for the McNuggets, you go to jail. If you're in...

If you're not listening to the officer and watching him eat the whole time, chances. My wife found this thing where the cops put it on and you go in and drink and then the cops test. Oh, yeah, I saw that. Have you seen that? She's like, oh, you and Randy and Keon should go to that. The problem is they know everyone's been drinking beforehand. So they can always go like, oh, yeah, you blew hot. It's like, it's a stupid fucking.

Well, that test, the test where they make you look to the left or right all the way, that's as conclusive as, uh, as the, as like any other test, I think. If your eyes bounce, when you try to look all, like if you try to look past, when they do that thing with your finger. Oh, yeah. They're trying to make you look past your range of vision. So your eyes start bouncing. Because the amount and the speed that they bounce, I think, shows how much you've had to drink. It's like a physiological thing that you can't stop.

Like your eyes just kind of flutter. I think. I don't know. Maybe that's wrong. My shit spins around like Slot machine. I learned that before the internet. Yeah.

Two dollar signs and a bunch of coins come blasting on my mouth. I look like Mr. Crabs. But then I asked Key out and he's like, well, usually like cops do that. Usually they let cops do that because it's fun.

So it's just a way for them to get around and drink and drive together. That's the most fucking bullshit. Oh, dude, here's one. Let me get my practice in legally, you motherfuckers. Come on. I can't believe Tucker Carlson is saying the Efsler on TV. Dude.

I mean, I've been saying it arcades online in person. Yeah, I've been saying that N-word a lot lately. We just need someone to say the N-word on the moon. Like, a planet where racism and race doesn't exist. We need racism in other... Without permission. Without permission, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. We do need that. Trump needs to send a someone a racist to the moon. Just like an actual like... The moon's been white for many years. There's a reason we don't see the dark side of the moon. And I can't wait to see like the footage of like, this is just send Don Imus to space.

Yeah, that'd be cool. Like a recording. Of the actual Don Imus. Look, it was a recording. It's not like actually. Jeff Bezos has to do something to get. get ahead of Elon in the space race. If he says the N-word on the moon somehow, that would do it. I will let more VOCs off-gas at my place for that. I'll off gas for the rest of my life.

My wife's like, you gotta stop saying the N-Word. The baby starts understanding, and now I'm thinking, like, maybe I don't. You know? It's a whole new world. Well, it's just something my dad says. It's not like a... Just like have him, so it's like he can say with a clear heart, you know? Yeah, I got a fight.

I got to fight for this stuff now. Like before I had a baby, I would just do, try to make people happy. You know? I would just try to do what society wants. But now I've got to fight for things

that I don't want him to have to deal with. And a lot of that is just saying slurs and not being hassled. I can't wait for... Calling women fat, not having to deal with fat women, saying that inward about anything. basically anything.

Wait until he asks what it means and you're like, oh, it's just someone who didn't take the trash out. Yeah, trash and... He'll be at the school. Or someone has too much trash sometimes. Oh, yeah. Or if they have bad taste. Yeah, there's a lot of nuance to it. But he's going to be at school or see it happening.

It's our F word. It's our fuck word. It's the last thing because fuck is like not terrifying. Yeah, it's not a... Yeah. It lost all the weight to it. Dude, it totally is. Like, our parents couldn't say swears.

Yeah. So then they said swears and, like, made a whole culture around it. And we couldn't say the N-word. So we made a whole culture around it. Like, Yosemite Sam. That's a freaking... Gurdarn it. Goldarn.

That's a freaking... They used to say cotton picking a lot. A lot on Looney Tunes. This was crazy. Oh, yeah, they did. Mm-hmm. Is that what they're talking about? Well, who fucking else was picking cotton?

he's like, you're out of your cotton picking wine. Yeah. He's a trash. Looney shoes have been saying the N word the whole time. It's been right in front of our noses, right under our noses. Yeah. Whoa. You got to raise them right, man.

Cotton picking, rassafrecking. They do say cotton picking a lot. Bucks Bunny even too. What? And Cs he says coin clipping. No, I didn't say that. All right, here's... Arizona cops busts 250

underage drinkers in a bar? Come on, man. You stupid-ass cops. Well, they're in Arizona. What the fuck did they think was going to happen? What the fuck man? Nothing fun happens on that. Underage drinking is cool in Arizona.

Look at these motherfuckers. Look at this shit! 250 kids busted for... Underage drinking. All obviously adults. Like it's just an American, retarded. That guy obviously need to fucking drink. You see him?

Yeah. But or else he's going to snap. Come on. Give these kids a fucking break. They look like the Jersey Shore, not drinking. And then kids grow up and want to ban all the police, and they always take black people's side against the police. I wonder why that is.

I wonder why that is. Oh, who's been fucking harassing him for, Their whole hot young lives Fucking police Duh So fucking stupid Why don't these kids understand that we need the police Well

You don't They don't They're shitheads, yeah They're assholes Because you arrested them Fucked up their weed That's why Fucked up their drinking

Fucking jerks Stupid ass cops Uh Alright, okay, here's a funny one Don't rinse your turkey Did you rinse your turkey over Thanksgiving? Mm-hmm As Thanksgiving

You didn't? I always wash all my Chicken meat and Well, I guess I can A brine match shit. Yeah I do it with soap Dish soap

I use Gojo The pumice hand cleaner You got all the oil off your hands We've been working on your car over No, I'm talking about the meat Oh, yeah, I use Gojo To use Gojo To use that

I use Don I get the citrus and pumice in there My wife's got these smiley face sponges now. The scrub daddies, yeah. Am I getting fucked by that? Are they expensive? They're good?

They're good. All right. They get a... They work pretty fucking good, actually. Like, I didn't want to like that. I was like, why is there a fucking... Who fucking got this? Why do I have a smiley face sponge?

How much was this? I forget how much they are. Better be cheap. I think they're cheap enough. Okay. They didn't send any radars off in my mind. I was like, all right. Yeah, I'm kind of on the edge.

of them. I don't know. I don't know what... They're stupid until you're like, wow, I need to get this fucking thing off and you get it off and you're like, I'll never use another sponge again. Okay, if you say they're good, then they're good. Scrub the shit out of many of things with it. This is the AP, the Associated Press, sent this out before Thanksgiving.

It doesn't stand for asthmatic person. Here's something that I bet you didn't know. All the, all this Indian Pilgrim shit was cocked up was cooked up by one

woman in the 1800s who was like the 18th century version of Oprah like this

bitch who was like a turbo feminist outspoken feminist activist pushed all this Indians and

pilgrims shit on everybody OG Helen Keller event yeah one lady fucking lying so God

damn hard. Yeah. It had to fucking impact our goddamn history. I didn't know that. I'm always learning new things about the way women are evil and mess things up. It makes me upset that because then when I hear like all those Hotep Street preachers like, all the history you've been taught is wrong. I'm like, well, that's correct.

But also I don't want to admit. I don't want yours. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want your alternate history. I want the correct what actually happened. Yeah, I want to know what happened. Which woman did this? Aha.

We need to bring her back to life. and then burn her at the steak. Yeah, I didn't know that. That's very upsetting, actually. It's very upsetting. She was like the, she was the first editor of like the New York Post and she called herself an edit her,

like an edit H-E-R. Let me see if that's, I swear to God, I think that's true. I didn't make that up. If that's true, I'm going to hit stop and walk out of this fucking show. Woman who invented Pilgrims and Indians or push forward or whatever.

No single person, Okay, but they did. The woman who came... No, not Mayflower. Yeah, lying ass, AI. Woman, Thanksgiving, Indians, Pilgrims, first editor of, I think New York Post. Yeah, there it is.

Sarah Josepha Hale. Who successfully campaigned for a national Thanksgiving holiday. But they already had one before she did. The first editor of the New York Post. Yeah, let me find it. I was reading about her angrily. while I was drinking. Is there any other way to do anything when you're drinking?

Sarah, Josephia, Josepha Hale, Wikipedia. Why does it show dumb bitch? This is this Google search auto fill too? Editress. She preferred the title.

Editress. So basically I was right. She was 1800s, Chungasing? Dude, she was fucking... She's fucking quirk-chung-a-chung-sing in the 1800s. I'm the editor You believe this fucking bitch

Editress You gotta be some big fat ass Like Cornelius Vanderbilt And something Walking in Where's your cigar Having a time of your life Right

Just a pressing Irishman Like I got a new Editor of the Faghan New Yorker Paul I'm just like I prefer Editress And like Ah

Your fucking cigar explodes You're laugh I love the visual That way got to deal with this stupid bitch that made Thanksgiving. You know she had a tear away a day calendar on her desk. Edress. No.

Editor. Fuck you. She was writing Dilbert comics before it was a fucking thing. So a quirk chungis came up with Thanksgiving. Because everybody knows there was no pilgrims or Indians doing this shit. Anyway, here's... Here's the Associated Press

saying... As Thanksgiving gets closer, health experts have one big reminder. To no one in particular. Hey, this is a reminder for everyone. Don't rinse your turkey, chicken, or any other poultry. And here's a black lady to tell you more about what you. Expertly coated. Very, uh.

One life hack, it says. One life hack. Don't rinse your poultry this Thanksgiving. From one of us to one of you, to all of you. To all of you. As Thanksgiving gets closer, health experts have one big reminder. Don't rinse your turkey, chicken, and other poultry. Food safety officials say raw birds often carry bacteria that can cause food poisoning, including salmonella.

Those germs are common in healthy poultry and are legally allowed to be on raw meat. Washing your turkey might seem cleaner, but it can actually spread those germs around your sink, your countertops, and other food. Cooking will kill the bacteria, but rinsing helps it travel.

The USDA's advice not to rinse your raw poultry goes against what a lot of people were taught and what some A lot of who? A lot of whom? Even if you don't rinse, germs can still spread while you prep. So wash your hands, sanitizing the same thing. Wipe down those kitchen surfaces.

Go ahead and give your veggies like your green beans, potatoes, and cranberries a quick rinse. But skip the wash for your turkeys, chickens, pens, and turduckins. Safe prep means a safe holiday. Happy Thanksgiving.

Oh, okay. Let's see what the comments are. They're all taken over by racists now. When I saw it on Thanksgiving, it was all black women talking about how they're going to race it anyway. They're going to wash it anyway. Yeah.

It's such this, like, because I was thinking like obviously I knew this but it's like I mean I guess technically I did drown mine in assault water so there's that no it's not the same yeah I wasn't actively fucking damn it all the racists

took over all the comments when it just came out it was all black women talking about how they're still going to do it it's the crazy like the cognitive dissonance is astounding I could have told you that wouldn't appeal to black women why do you think they used a black woman to...

But she was not she was not fat or black enough. Right. And the music was bad. Yeah, there wasn't enough an 8-08.

It should have went down to the TSA or something and filmed one of them. They probably couldn't find one. That was standing long enough? That would say it. That would say the lines. Hell no, I ain't gonna say...

Yeah, I'm not gonna... I'm washing my chicken. You're trying to get people killed. That's crazy. So she's like Uncle Tom's turkeying it up. yeah she's fucking trying to get people killed for not washing their turkeys

I hope no one listen to her advice bad advice okay that's that's a new low come on guys you need like a you need a DEI consultant in there to tell you how to appeal to these people

if you really don't want them to wash their turkey when are they gonna get an Indian lady from the AP and don't smuggle cow shit cake on the airplane. This is a message for everyone. Don't play with your shit. Cows shit. Don't ingest it.

Don't rub it around your face. Throw it at each other. Don't be doing all that shit you'd be doing. Seltzer water. I wonder if the reason you can't say fun slurs is that your stage name sounds really white. You're obviously ethnic looking. So if you had a Latino pen name,

maybe it wouldn't raise flags and people who care about that kind of thing. I don't know. Mexican people don't get... Mexican people get They don't get away I think you're right I think you're partly right But they also don't get away

With racist stuff Yeah Well you can only get away with it In around other Mexicans Yeah It's a very in-group Yeah They don't get away with it

They don't get called out directly for it But they also don't get away with it Scott free Right Well yeah the price is they're Mexican So that's like, you know. Because they're like half white. Aren't Mexicans all half white?

Oh, right, the Spaniards. Yeah, so I think they get half get away with it. White people are like, mm. Yeah, that's right. How does the story go that Spaniards fucked horses or something? I had to make Mexicans. I think that's how it went. That's awesome.

They fucked a Penaata. They found that SpongeBob Penaata. The Spaniards all fucked the SpongeBob Penaata. It's like some of they fuck Mrs. Puff. Jesus Christ. A bunch of... I'm shooting out of the fucking holes. They'll blow up once they fucking hit a certain age.

I think that's where they came from. Fits the bill. Chocolate noodle says, I got a better law enforcement robot situation. Exploding women. I think they're doing that. Slow motion. A 40-year process.

Right? Yeah. If you watch it, in time lapse it looks like an explosion or like a... If you speed it up boom, right? Oh my God, there's something wrong with that woman. She exploded. Yeah, it's called

chocolates and pizzas. Blue up. Um, woman alert. Where is my woman alert? Get out of here. Come of a big problem. Soundboard.

Woman alert. Man, we've got to do another weight watchers. So much fat content. I have so much fat shit to bring in that I have purposely not brought in. I brought some good ones in today.

But even then, I'm holding out some bangers for us. Look at this. Look at the size of this fat watch that I have. Okay, look at this. Look at this. Right here.

This is where the fat watch begins today. Right here. It's, wah. Look at all that. Amazing. I can't get through all that today.

We got to do another one. We got to do Weight Watchers 4. Oh, yeah. We already did three. Christmas. Yeah. Christmas. Fat Christmas.

Black boyfriend Friday. All right. Women alert. Okay. This is so scary. Hey, the girls each got a happy meal. They got the exact same thing. Oh, it's a doll.

It's a woman handing out happy meals in her car. Yeah. And she's handing it back to the girls that are in car seats and their dolls. They're like miscarriage therapy dolls. Ugh, God. All the food's the same. All right. She just wants to eat two happy meals.

They're between their car seats, but I think I'm going to try. She wants to get the girl's toy and the boy toy. Oh, my gosh. If they didn't have the cup holders in their car seats and they're really hard to take out. So that's not really an option. All right. girls mommy's here maybe we'll just pull the girls up there for you guys how did you think that was going to work

she climbed in the back seat to try to eat dinner with her dolls but there's a couple you can't just sit in the back seat dude I saw one of these recently where it's a white lady and she has two black baby dolls and I was like oh man this hmm hmm dude their brains are fucking broken dude A lot of white women's brains are permanently fucking destroyed with racism. For every divorce dad I have brought clip in, there is five to 20 insane ladies. Psycho one shot in.

Just crazy, yeah. All right, so I can eat a bigger car for going to be having our meals in here. Okay. Why did she post this? Um, Rebecca. Jesus. The dolls are totally insane. All right.

Oh, fuck. I have Johnny Rocket sent something in, too. Oh, awesome. Maddox is Thanksgiving. Uh, okay. John says, I got to love an LDS jump scare. I don't know what that is. Abba Zaba.

Uh, replying to people bothering you with a Venmo request is genius. Good tip, Johnny. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Send it in. if everyone who tries that let us know how that works because fuck people

See if anybody pays it Shoehorn Applenty says The Fat Bitch looked like Mon Cal Admiral Radis from Star Wars Bitch could garble Garble something about a hammerhead Corvette is that the guy that looks like a fish?

I think so I just like the name. That sounds crazy. Radis Ambril Radis Pop sculpture says Man you're totally right about that officication bullshit that millennials are so

proud of. I just played this game called dispatch, where basically you're a dispatch operator for a superhero company. What a game. Superheroes. The office work of superheroes. Like, even in your fantasy, you still have to be a fucking waging.

Check this shit out. You know that nergrotic guy? That guy who talks about like... The guy with the extremely obese wife, yeah. He what? With the fat wife. Yeah. He's like, Star Wars, Star Wars and like Spider-Man.

That's all he talks about all day. This is, he wrote an, he paid for someone to write his autobiography and like, and like vanity press it. So you like get engagement and stuff. It's basically just like a resume to get on TV. and act like you're an expert. So he's retarded, and he had Eric July ship his book using his warehouse full of retards.

And if you bought a signed copy of the book, they sent you this certificate that says certificate of authenticity signed by nerd rot this book was signed by nerdotic right and this if you'll recognize this man

Brandon Taylor he's the guy with the cross eyes oh that's right that's trying to fight Riley so Brandon Taylor the guy with the crossed eyes has made sure that this item is authentically signed

by and then if you look up here it says it's misspelled It says waiting for nerdotic. So they misspelled the... Well, it's authentically a ripaverse production. With the misspelling? Yeah. Yeah.

Would anyone have expected anything less at this point? This is their flagship launch. The biggest YouTuber that they have in this world of like total dog shit, slop, mad about comics. Mad about Spider-Man's and Star Wars. And the cross-eyed guy who runs their warehouse spelled the shitty-looking Chuckie Cheese ass certificate incorrectly.

Dude, even the grocery stars wouldn't spell one of their guys' names wrong. They're on point. That's a good IP. So the grocery stars look at what's happening. ripaverse and think, I deserve that. And they're right. They do deserve that. That is a correct.

Says waiting certificate of authenticity, waiting for nerdotic. Nerdotic from prison to YouTube. This certifies that the accompanying item is an authentic ripaverse product personally signed by Gary Butchler and verified by Ripaverse publishing. who has a record of uh fastidiousness

and attention to detail nothing gets by these guys so you can enjoy your copy of waiting for nerdotic like everyone wants to be a CEO so bad but everyone forgets a QA department or QC it's really bad they're hiring guys with crossed eyes to make sure their QC is correct

that's fucking crazy if I went to like a four seasons or like somewhere paid a lot of money to go enjoy three seasons or faux seasons it said yeah I said foe I would be like I'm getting the fuck out of this uh do you tube or merch shit it's got to go man it's just a bunch of crap uh oh yeah I enjoyed it I'm annoyed that I enjoyed it

because it's a lot I'm a lost cause I can hear the pitch of that though Yeah Jesse Dolman says Make it stop Okay Let's see what you got To stop

To do POV You are unhinged Lord of the Rings Geek Wife Uh oh Found a stream At the end of your

12 mile hike Uh oh Uh oh Uh oh Uh oh A melty A quix chan is Is this gonna be uh-oh heckin spaghetti

Uh-oh it's a hecken, uh-oh, it's a hecken Lord of the Rings Uh-oh Uh-oh, it's, I'm geeking out, uh-oh! That was a White lady Accurate caption of making stuff Now that is a quirk chungis.

That is I think quirk chungis is just like the unrealized like a single theater lady. Yeah, but it's all geek shit. It's all geek, yeah. If this chick was doing Oklahoma, I would have no problem with it. Actually, you're right.

And I hate Oklahoma, too. Yeah. I've only ever seen bad rendition. If she was singing Shapoopy, I would be like, okay, that's cool. Or not. At the time, I went to one version of Oklahoma, and they, because it's like a nine hour long fucking play and needed to condense it because it was community theater.

They run into Judd and they're like, hey Judd, hey man, you're like a bad guy, you should basically go kill yourself. And then they like moved the fuck. And I was like, wait, that was like three hours out of the whole play. Like, what the fuck? If we're going to do it bad, do it right. But yeah, you're right about that. And something about the kid shit.

Yeah. That makes it worse. It's the most, like every so often I'll run into these fucking people who are like, you know, like yeah, like Pink Floyd and Led Zeppel. Like really fucking mean it's like you're telling me you have such refined taste for liking one of the largest most Popular musical acts in fucking history like that wasn't even your time Right right so that's the same thing with like all the Star Wars shit too it's like yeah, but then it's like yeah They keep rehashing it like yeah they'll release the atmost version of dark side of the moon but it's like

It's like it's like an attention whore They're like it the woman the women who are Cork Chungsing are attention whores, but they're so, it's like the lowest minor farm league of attention hoarding because they have to go after stuff that no woman is interested in. Like I guarantee she has cards against humanity, but all the expansions too. Yeah. Like that's like a... I guarantee you she has no interest in reading the simulacrum, the Lord of the Rings. Is that what it's called?

Is it the simulacrum or is something like that? Some S. Sillalamricum or something. Whatever it's called, I guarantee you this woman has no interest in reading that. So I know that it's fake. She owns it. She might, yeah. It's sitting in a boxed collection like any true collector would have.

She might dress up like it. As the book? Yeah. She's not on the wiki. The spider god and stuff. stuff. What's the over under

at the end right because what's the over under on her having like a baby Yoda anything? 100%

that's it's like it's all these like themed to baby Yoda it's like the things you would see in like a pop-up

like a sidebar of like hey you like this geek thing what about this about this it's like fake geek culture that was like a never really

a thing yeah yeah I guess it's still that uh okay thanks for that awful thing Fond Tractor says about France

The opposite is true Oh they're overcompensating France was treated relatively well by the Nazis What is relatively What does that mean Hmm How do you be relatively well treated by the Nazis I there's so much I can't say

I mean Jews No matter what you think Jews died Right yeah And they had their homes taken away They were putting camps And they died Okay? So relative to that they were treated well It doesn't say a lot

Dummy that's not what that's not what that turn of phrase means No, they were treated relatively Vichy France was an Axis collaborator And the country as a whole was far more sympathetic to Germany Compared to other allies Okay, at the end of World War II there was a big debate amongst the allies about Frank France is standing moving forward Hmm

It's like being like Well you know you can say like Mount Everest is probably at least like 60 feet tall Yeah I'm missing a lot of info there Siler says on the subject of what else isn't in the Bible The rapture is completely unbiblical Really shocking

It is mentioned nowhere in the book of Revelation Which is where you would expect to find it And entirely based off the misunderstandings of something Paul wrote in one of the epistles. Interpretations of that verse, even among the most conservative scholars, disagree as to whether or not Paul was being literal or figurative there.

And even if he was being literal, it is believed that the passage reflects a belief that the followers of God will gain the ability to fly in the end times. Thessalonians 413 to 18. It's clear in context that Paul is talking about meeting the Lord in the air. What is God like the king of all cosmos,

Catamari style? And you like go up to see him in space And he judges like how many things you followed On the way down Meeting the Lord in the air on the way down Sounds figurative Like during the second coming of Christ Christians will meet Jesus in the air

While he's on his way back down to earth Rather than just going up to heaven forever Which I think is what the rapture believers believe oh, that's what it says in the Bible. So it says there's going to be a rapture where you're meeting God in the air like Michael Jordan style but it doesn't say you go to heaven explicitly.

All of this stuff about all of this stuff that Christians are talking about all the time. They spend 90% of the time they're talking about their religion, talking about heaven and hell. They're obsessed with heaven. They all think they're literally going to go

be ghosts in heaven and meet their fucking dead parents and grandparents. They all think that, and they're going to sit down, they're going to have like a fast pass to talk to Einstein or Martin Luther King Jr. or something.

That's what they really believe for it to be mentioned in three sentences is not enough. It doesn't matter what he meant in this one. It should be like most of the Bible. If it's 90% of what they care about, it should be 90% of the fucking Bible.

This is crazy that it's in there this much. I thought there would be, at least in multiple chapters. Bro, that whole left behind series in the 90s or whatever, where what happens after the raptured series, right? Yeah. That's all just predicated off, like, more than the biggest. That's the Bible. That's what Christians believe.

A TV show. That's what they're consuming and what they're basing their conception of the afterlife on and religion and metaphysics. on a fucking television show. None of it has anything to do with the Bible. None of it. That's what I'm finding. Fucking none of it.

It's just a TV show. It's a bunch of TV shows and paperbacks that their parents had lying around the house that they got into in college to fuck art hors because back then they weren't 600 pounds. That's what Christianity is.

You could probably find more morality and better life lessons out of the whole Calvin and Hobbs series. It's not even, that it's stupid, it's that it's based on nothing. Oh, so you're like a Reddit atheist? Well, so are you. You're like a TV.

You're like a TV Christian. You're like a movie of the week Christian. The Langaleers is where you get all your idea of the afterlife. That's the point. Well, there is one part where Satan comes to Jesus. Yeah, one, there's one point. I think that happens in an episode of Walker, Texas, Rangely. Like, there's more of a show Bible.

There's a more complete show Bible for Teenage Mutja Turtle's cartoon than there is for what 90% of Christians actually believe, which is none of it's in the fucking Bible. And none of them have a problem with it. Do you think the Teenage Mutuals Bible also has nothing to do with the show too?

It's like, wait, this is actually really fucking good. Where's all Crank's friends? What happened to Crank's family? What happens to Crank's? fucking family. I bet Kranx family's in the Teenager Ninja Show show, Teen Teen Teen Ninja Show Bible. There has to be. I bet it talks about what Krang is. Like Krang's grandpa?

Kranpa? Yeah. I bet there's other cranks. They all got them suits too, probably. And now that with all the multiverse shit, do you think there was racist Krang? Was Krang? Was Kran racist? Well, in like the multiverse. Why wouldn't he be? In the multiverse, yeah. It's probably a black Krang too. Krank. Grang?

Crang. Crang. Crang Washington is his name. Crang Jefferson. Grang Jefferson. Yo, Shredda, give my body. Where are my body at, bitch? Ooh, that's a fine-ass body.

I want a fat ass out my body. Shredder, you fucked up again, Shredder? Crang Jefferson. Get your own cheesy ass back here. Get your old cracker ass back here. He's an interdimensional guy, but he has the last name, Jefferson. Crang Jefferson. Oh, that's how I know.

He's black. Crang Jefferson. Because the first name's already fucked up. And he's got like a little curly mustache. Crang of two G's. Yeah, he's got a mustache. The A is the little Mercedes logo or something. Craig, he calls shredded Craig.

Like for Friday. Craig, Craig, get your ass in here. Make my body. Ooh, yeah, polish that body up. I want a nice big bumper. He's got a do-rag in the stomach and a du-rack on top. He smokes. They're brink.

both smoking blunts at the same time? Yeah. Ham and his robot are both smoking blunts. Craig! Get out and stop and messing around with those turtles. If that is in the actual show Bible. That's in the show Bible. That might see?

There's stuff that they didn't even use in the Teen-N-N-N-T-Noy-T-N-Shertle Bible, but... This is fucking dog shit, dude! Wait, so... So none of the actual Bible is full of metaphysical shit. Is that what I'm learning? None of it. It's just a big thing of Jewish history.

and then basically a Buddhist that got killed for by... For being Chinese. For being Chinese. I just like the concept that they had to write out what happened to the sewers

after like 9-11 like the trade center collapse and then it blew out all the sewers and stuff like did they have to deal with the dust? Yeah. Like what the fuck? Like... Spestus man came out.

That's a real character. That's a real mutant. Esbestos man, yeah. I looked it up one day laughing over the concept of asbestos and found the asbestos man and was like, well, that's the fireproof guy. Who could?

Yeah, fireproof. He's solely mesothelioma at that point. Nothing would stop him. Craig, get your ass out. And he has to shudder shades on too instead of the normal sunglasses. He likes Irma, too. Not April. Yeah. No, April.

Ooh, I love Irma. He says, fat ass bitch. April leak. The fucking I like to think that the Turtle Mobile is like a lowriter Gotta catch Irma Gotta take Irma hostage

Fucking April fucker What is it Is it turtle van or whatever It has hydrologics? Yeah It's got hydraulics and spinners Yeah it's got hydraulics I don't know about spinners

But it's probably got them Big ass sound system in it Yeah PS2s in the headrests Even Technodrome has like a speaker Yeah the rims

Bluetooth Technodrome 5,000 rims on it. How big was the Technodrome? It looked pretty big, but it's just under New York, messing around. What is it with like, like, we got to make a big thing, right? Like, let's just make it a big ball. Like the Death Star, big ball,

Technodrome, big ball. It's just like... Yeah. Why are you making it a ball? Just make it a cube. Like normal. The Borg cube got it right. Yeah.

Then they made a circle. The Borg made a circle. They fucked a bunch of... They made a woman. men in charge? Dumb. Fucking stupid. A woman who's fucking dignitized by

Captain, by Daler or Captain Picard, I don't remember with. Doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter. I don't care about her. There's a woman, villain, don't care. I don't care. Turn it into a big ball. I'll punch her, I'll fucking knock her ass out myself. Just beam me up there. Bop! Knock, fucking

how about some of that? I like to think that... Hey bitch, you watch American Dad? Boom! It's on after Family Guy. That's what I say. That's what I say when I knock a bitch out. You like American Dad? Pop! On after Family Guy.

Out. Lights out. On TBS, man. TPS. TBS. TBS, yeah. It's on TBS. American Dad's a good show.

Man, I just can't, like, like, do you think it was like 5% tint all the way around the turtle van, too? Fuzzy dice. And you're like, I need to know. Um, and I found that, uh, the rhino rock steady was white

and bebop was black I had always assumed that they were the opposite right because the musical names Bbop's not a white thing and rock study is now I can now I see

it's like a white supremacist like he's got all that army shit rock study does and Bbop has maybe it was the glasses that threw me off well I guess if we're doing real like rock steady

would be more of a Jamaican thing so if he like said wheel up in a bunch of pussy rossclot things you know why would rock city be a Jamaican guy well because they always talk about like rock steady rhythms oh okay

and the art of rocking steady hmm oh this was before this was all before that it was before the invention of Jamaica that's kind of what yeah it was before Jamaica was Jamaica in the Bible crank Jefferson Craig Jefferson's the name please to meet you

that it's all wriggling things out and he's got like fucking gold knuckles He's got tattoos on his knuckles F and you because he only got two knuckles That I kind of want that on the top of my hands now Like

Uh All right Seton Newport says Hey Dick are you planning to ever release The final lost episodes of the original Biggest Problem in the universe I've been a fan and a listener Since about episode 40

And a Patreoni of Dick's show Since bonus episode 8 That's the one where the guy threatened to kill himself Remember that one? That was funny. I listened to the old show all the way through. Yeah, I've released all those. I don't know where they...

I released them at Road Rages. I don't know where they went. I hope people posted them online, but I don't know. Also, there's a funny Maddox lie revealed in Lost Episode 3. He brought in racism, and he says that in the first grade, he was called an N-word, because he was the darkest in his class.

As a joke, you asked, Sand, N-word, or just the N-word? To which he said, no, just the N-word. On some clip from the best debate in the universe, he repeats this story, but he says he was called a sand N-word. I really got in his mind. Yeah, because just an N-word, not believable. Yeah, and emphasizes the sand aspect. I guess kids would know, kids didn't really know Sand N-Word when we were kids, though.

When me and Maddox were kids, they didn't. When I was, for sure, yeah. Yeah. I got the patch update. Yeah, you guys got some updates. We only knew N-word. Well, because the N-word is like a,

that's like, that's pinnacle. But once you understand, once you unlock the qualifiers. That's the Charzard. Then you get the mega-EX char-z. Right. Yeah. Once you start qualifying it,

then that's where it becomes, you know, that's when you're getting up. They hadn't invented that yet. No. It was just N-word. Nobody tried to combine it with stuff before. Right. And then once we understood that you could,

you could Minecraft it. Just another example of him making shit up to serve his point and playing the victim regards and go fucks yourself yeah I don't know maybe Reddit might have the lost episodes uh I don't know where they went well it's funny because I always tell people like you know I'll drop it randomly after knowing it was short amount of time

yeah you know like that time Michael Richards blew up at the laugh factory I was like I was on my phone in the audience texting and he was getting mad at me I was like he just couldn't see because all the lights were off but um bingo says hey dick don't read my name I've recently come to a crossroads and made a decision, I think you'll find funny, or at least agreeable. I'm 27 years old, single, and my prior career path seemed to collapse over the past year.

I used to work as an independent insurance adjuster, but a combination of stupid decisions made by the firms and the lack of large weather events have left me pretty fucked this year financially. I've decided recently to apply for a plumber's apprenticeship and pick up a trade. okay it's been a couple of days since I started gathering the paperwork needed and for some reason I felt a wave of stress yeah that's when plans

you gotta try once the trying once the ideas fades the dopamine and you gotta actually fill out paperwork that's usually when plans fall apart like fuck do I really want to become a plumber I don't know do you want to eat

I know I'd probably enjoy it but I have a chance to go back to college and maybe take up a software engineering or computer science degree. Okay. Over the past two years, I've loved messing around with stable diffusion and LLMs.

So making jackoff anime, whores, and I guess talking to a computer on an LLM. You've loved that? You've loved talking to the computer? Ask it if you should be a plumber. So learning to code,

even if it's just to contribute to open source projects seemed like something I could passionately put myself into. Yeah, I mean, I guess that's like somebody watching a movie and going like, oh man, I could totally... Why aren't there more farmers? I totally need to be a farmer. I just couldn't get it out of my head that this is my chance to really change things up now that I have to switch gears.

So, of course, I start looking at YouTube videos and looking at Reddit posts about working full-time and attending college. you're going to work full-time and attend college for doing computers? Man That is the That's I don't want to say that's the worst way to learn computers Because you're not going to learn any computers at college

So it's like a not away Not going to work Then I watched a video with this creature from the DEI Lagoon. Okay. Let's see, buddy. Let's see what that is. Creature from the DEI Lagoon.

And there we go. It's a black lady with glasses. It says, how to get your degree while working full-time. Six proven tips. Okay. Well, it's degree hacked. All right, I'm sure that's... Is hacked?

Life hacked black coated now? Because that... Don't wash your turkey thing had a life hack on it. And now this is about black people getting degrees while working. Have we talked about this before? Why does everything have to be a hack?

Well, you get like a secret... You know... It's a secret way to do stuff. It's a secret way to not wash your turkey. Hey, here's a hack. Did you know the... Actually, the first three Star Wars movies or like four, five, and six,

because some retard couldn't get it together. Yeah. What a hack. Life hack. Life hack. Turn your, put your socks, ball them together. So you could find them. Life hack, ball up your sandwiches

so that you can eat them faster. Ball up your sandwich. Boom, power right through that shit. Just take your sandwich, ball that motherfucker up. Squished it up. Well, because, like, when you order anything anyway, it already comes out like it's been fucking balled up.

You might as well just ball it up, right where I can fucking see it. Life hack, squish all your food up. It's faster to eat. Eat as fast as you can. I get this nice meal, ball it up. Sandwich, ball it up. Life hack, watch TV.

Life hack, two speed. Ball is life. It's going to be my sandwich shop. Fucking sandwich balls. Sandwich balls, that's what you're going to make? Just ball them up. What kind of sandwich do you want, Dick? This fucking turkey side or some BLT?

French dip. French dip, bawling it up. That shit up. Easier to dip. It fits better in your cup when you fall it up. And then I will, oh yeah, all the bullshit of school and my short stint in college came rushing back to me after watching that video. Yeah, man, what are you thinking? You're going to go on a four-year vacation?

What are you fucking talk about when I go back to school to learn a computer? Who are you? That's like a kid. That's something that you tell kids to fuck them with debt. That's not a real way to learn something. Yeah, you're not already in the school of hard knocks? Get it the fuck out of here. You ever notice that people come out of school don't know what the fuck they're doing?

Because they don't learn shit in school. School is where you spend 120 grand to learn the word plinth. Yeah. The endless vapid positivity and the general feeling of uselessness of it all came back to me an instant. They'll teach you how to be in your pajamas, stacking books. That's what you learned how to do in college. Oh, I'm gonna stack books and be in my pajamas, drinking coffee, and posting on Instagram. Look at all these books I'm reading.

I read six at the same fucking time. Honestly, I'll just commit to learning code in my free time if I'm actually passionate enough. There you go. You figured it out on my own. Just sending this as a reminder to others if this gets read on the show. College should be about making money. I can't believe I was about to torture myself. Well, I can't believe I was almost about to torture myself. for four to five years on some retarded shit just because I like making a big-titted women in a program that's ruining the US economy

Go fuck yourself P.S. Johnny's brain rock corner is a gift definitely above Sean's animal corner and slightly below the first couple of Vito's booty Yeah, um Well, let's see if you learned any programming. Let's see if that works out You actually got to do it a lot I love the idea of things is always better than that thing Yeah Especially when you don't know how to do them at all

And it's like, whoa That sounds great It's magic Retro Nick, we'll do it And then Just do it and don't tell anybody about it Yeah, and then learn how to compete With Infinity Indians

Because that's your future Could be a fucking plumber Yeah If you're thinking about it If you've either got the two Just don't wear a tie Uh Retro Nick, how is this for Quirk Chungus?

Let's see Why is it formatted like that? How's this for a quirk chungus alert? Oh, God. I already hate it. It's some chick who looks like that woman that was like tied to a bed her whole life. And they set her free at like 14. That weird girl.

Looks like a skeleton. Fire Marshal Bill maxing. Right. Let me tell you something about fire safety. I got so. I don't even like coffee, but I guess I'll try it. Yeah. Delicious. Now let's see what goodies await me in here.

Ooh, a cake globe. Wait, cake pop. It appears to be a perfect sphere. Dude. Kind of looks like a turd. First bite, incoming. Delicious. Yep, this is numbs.

Activate happy dance. I got starbies I got star I don't even like coffee But I guess I'll try it Is this satire Is she doing a Impression of a

Quark Chunkas? I feel like the thing in men in black Where you get your mind erased Briefly Yeah I just went through like a little degauser Like god damn The Momo

Uh Yeah that's That's it You nailed it I don't even know anymore If stuff's rage bait or not I can't It's like autism, but like playing it up.

Pretend phony autism. That's awful, man. Thank you. That took the wind out of my sales. That sucked. Great post. Thank you. Jay says the AI food athletes videos remind me of when Vito talks about how he wants to use AI to make his crummy ideas. Did anyone else get that? I don't know Yeah

Couldn't have possibly been Thanks Jay What are we gonna What do we do now I think we do fat watch I have I've got too much I've got too much here

White Blade Says check out the picnic Basket Hall On this one Oof Wow We covered this one right

Because she's got the industrial Shelf in the back Plus size clothing hall We did way you can go wrong with not having a basic black dress in your closet if there's not one there to begin with only a necessity of the void in your wardrobe can we talk about this red dress that's literally what we're doing with she didn't get this at a fucking garage sale what he seven weeks maybe we did what else does she got here i just recognize the shelf i don't know if we oh because that was when she was fat riding hood we did this on weight watchers oh this is the same girl yeah all right

I knew she, that specific shape. Plus size clothing hall. Plus size clothing hall. Only way you can go wrong with not having a basic black dress in your closet. It's an entire covenant of witches. Only a necessity and staple in your wardrobe. Can we talk about this red dress that's literally what we're doing right now? It's a little scandalous in the chest area.

Nothing a pin or two. That is scandalous. There's nothing little about her. Got another. red dress for you and I'm not mad about it. Ready for my starring role in desperate housewives minus the housewives. So she's about she's got to be 500 pounds, 550. Yeah. She's shaped like a total sphere. She's maxing and snor laxing. She looks like snorlaxes mom. Really do love this dress. The only thing I would change. Little short for me, but nothing a pair of leggings. Yeah, it's short for

all of us, sweetheart. I did not need to see that, those legs. This one, she's got a couch, she's hunted a couch down. It checks all the boxes. I'm ready to wear it at my next event. Next time, see you soon. Okay, bye, I love you. Yeah, okay, wonderful. Thank you. It's just

fatter than God, man. Comments on this post have been limited, it says. Unlike her calorie intake, which remains unlimited. did. Mamma Mia. All right. I get the next one.

This is the smallest hat I've ever seen. I hope it's a regular size hat. What does that mean? What sort of a hat? This is a... That's an actual size hat. As predicted. This is a fat woman at

Wicked? At a wicked? showing and she is wearing a little tiny witch's hat. She's at a wicked big convention. She's at a wicked big convention. It's the same woman? God, dude, she is big. She is big.

Look at these. Oh, she's wearing some sparkly shoes. It's crazy. For those of you listening, it says cat, like the Caterpillar equipment company on her shoes. On her shoes. Oh, God. Okay

Riley sent one in Alright let's see here Riley what do you got This is Oh yeah I saw this one Okay it's a bunch of fat chicks Getting picked up by men

Oh I've seen this trend And it's making It's saying guys Girls you're never the problem Meaning like it's the men That aren't strong enough To pick up fat bitches Okay so

Oh you can see their I mean you can hear their backs cracking Damn Oh my God That guy looked like he's in the military Okay so here is This is a freeze frame of every one of their faces As they're lifting their fat wives up

I'm convinced that these trends are started by Big Pharma Yeah Right? Because how else are you supposed to get the new wave of kids Addicted to Xanax and stuff That is That is some strain man

That's why there was music over the audio Because he'd be here Oh Fucking Keep smiling Keep smiling Keep smiling Okay

Cool Smile through the pain Liam Liam Says What's Ignore the audio All right

I don't want to see why I just want to see it Oh yeah Forget about Oh It's a woman riding a rascal Away from

In the middle of the street and she gets nailed by No, it's a whole wheelchair because the rascal has the bike handle Oh yeah, it's a hover around wheelchair Ah, is the car okay, someone says. Is this a real video?

Well, just because it's got wheels doesn't mean it should be in the street like that What's her workout routine so I can do the opposite? He says, oh It's a fat woman a fat woman whose pants whose workout pants are pulled up to under her tits her back tits

and her uh... it looks like a ladle her entire ass has no butt curvature it looks like a hemisphere of ass with legs just sticking out of it like triangles

before putting in that work in Woo lowed, she says. Oh. Oh, and then she's dressed up in various workout. Like, she's wearing pink sweats and size 7X. At the gym, probably doing the most worthless exercise at the gym. Some sort of a lat extension or, like. And then she's lifting a 20 pounds.

She's doing squats with a 20 pound barbell. between body weight exercises. Like 20 pounds is going to be fucking negligible at that size. She needs some resistance bands to take some of the load off of her knees. Just go for a regular walk even would be more beneficial

than that. Why the 20 pound weight? You're going to do squats. Just do them. We already know you're carrying around 400 pounds. What the fuck is 20 is supposed to impress? You have 20 pounds of fat in your head. Okay.

Now she's doing additional shit squats at the beach. Well, she's so fat she could sit on her own ass Okay Thomas the tank commander says hey, I watch people get fucked up in street takers like takeovers like this all the time This potomis Fared better than anyone I've ever seen. Oh, love you Johnny and retarts Thomas the tank commander

Okay, oh yeah, must attend a street meat cushion yourself in layers So she's at a street takeover where minorities are doing car things, donuts and stuff like that, and partying. Let's see what happens here. There's a fat woman dancing in the middle of the donut. Yeah, she thought they were going to be actual donuts there. Let's see what happens. And boom.

Knocked her wig right off. Shoes and wig every time. Okay. Are they spraying her with a fire extinguisher? Oh, man. And the crowd has descended upon her. She's looking for her wig. Wow.

Uh-oh. Uh, and this guy's... Look at him. The guy driving the car. He's looking straight into hell here. Saying, oh, I hope my car doesn't get fucked up. Boom. That goes her wig. The seeing just a big bald head with the fucking wig goes flying is like,

damn. That's the equivalent of rings getting blasted out of you. Yeah, black women getting hit in their shoes and their wigs come, even their nails come off. Nails go, man. Wow. Okay, really. Wham! She went flying, man.

What usually happens when someone's wig gets taken off in a crowd is then you'll normally see someone else put it on and start taking selfies with it and stuff. and then it turns to do a whole other altercation. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see that again. Yeah. What was she thinking here? She's going out to cheer on the car.

Maybe she thought the car would do donuts around her. And she'd be like the race queen, right? But she's realizing that was wrong right here. Frank. Oh my. That's Crang's Black Crang's wife. Mrs. Craig Jefferson? oof

wham I mean it's a Mustang what did you expect what's going to happen ooh I'm gonna need a new body Craig god damn

holding up her fucking dinosaur claws indestructible knees thanks Thomas okay Todd Seidel says a fat woman

in a bicycle theft all right let's check this out uh what That's a... This is AI. Come on.

This is... Wait, is it? Oh, yeah. Come on. Get fucked. AI shit. Get out of here. Get the fuck out of here.

Okay, Jad Dragon has sent about a zillion links. I know I got to follow in my emails. Oh, my God. I appreciate it, but... Thank you, yes. 500 pounds and soon 22. Jesus, dude. I don't want to pay to keep these people alive forever.

oh 22 oh she speed run speed ran that one fuck oh my god we got to remigrate these

people fucking colonize Antarctica that has to say back to colder waters so they quit spawning yeah cool these fucking whales out every business needs one of these right now. Let's see what he says.

Never would it get... Oh, yeah, I've seen that heart attack girl. All right. One more. One more. Doctors are baffled. The dating game. I hope I measure up to these standards. You're aging. Where you're from? I'm Crystal. I'm 33, and I'm from

California. Crystal heavy. I'm a star. Until what do you end up popping your balloon? I live in Las Vegas now. And sweatpants in the summer is diabolical. I think I've seen this one. gotta make sure I promote from my seat. I mean, obviously.

Okay. Let's do some voicemails. That's a lot. The girl getting hit by the car was good. I like that one. That's a good one. That's a good one. You got some stuff today.

You got another grocery store today? I think I brought in something worse. Okay, here we go. Hi, guys. This message is for, Johnny, um, hey Johnny, uh, when Sean left the show, did he, by chance, happened to leave that water bottle that he brought in a while back. Yeah, here it is. Squirt dick with, because, uh, all that ice clinking and slurping into the mic that he did, uh, last week made me want to rip my fucking ears off and then go to Greenland.

Ice? Ice, ice clinking? It was like six, six clinks of ice. Go fuck yourselves, both you guys. What the, what do you like? If you have autism or something? I can't click six clinks of ice? Yeah, but he didn't get mad about you eating cookies in the mic. What the fuck? Oh, man, when did I eat those cookies? Was that on a bonus episode? No, it was...

Is it on a regular episode? People were pissed about the cookies, too. Geez. They were mad they didn't get to have a bite, man. You didn't share it to class. Go get some ice. Don't be such a hater. Just get some ice for yourself.

I forgot about this because Sean... See, he's got a good aim. Me, I see water anywhere in a studio, and I fucking start having a... panic attack. Slapped a drink out of your fucking hand. Give me a break. Come on. It's just a little bit of ice.

You should learn to enjoy it. Like, hmm, I can practically taste the ice. That sounds like a refreshing beverage. Delicious ice. God damn. People have a problem with everything. Ice crunching up. Chewing.

Well, I guess we have a bottle of consequences. Now it's... Just wanted to have some refreshing ice. It's hot here. Do you think it's become still water at this point? Like, will we get a brain amoeba if we start spraying each other with it? Yeah, it's full of plastics and VOCs. You can't do that.

It's poison. Hey, Dick. Hey, Johnny. Black God's Provide here. Holy Spirit is speaking through me. Did you know that back in the 80s, William Shatner was trying to launch a, wasn't a very good name. Anyways, I got something that.

Okay. That's one of those that makes the day go by a little longer. I just fucking unlocked a new level of dystopian hell that we fucking live in. CBS Pharmacy, no longer do you go up and talk to somebody. It's no, you enter your fucking name and birth date into a stupid tablet. And one of the retarded women behind the counter who seeming to look like they're frantically doing something. At the same time, they're doing nothing. What do you?

Yeah. That's what they're doing at CBS. The women are always... Oh, well, whoa. Oh, they all look like Robin Williams with no material. Okay, let me see if I got that. That's good. All right, if I can just, I got stack these over here.

Yep, all right. Okay. Shuffle these. Yep, yep, yep. Okay, yeah. Can I help you with something? Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And what's the name?

Uh-huh? And the birthday? Uh-huh, uh-huh. It's not ready yet. Uh-huh. Let me go back to just sorting this stuff over here. If I put this over here, uh-huh. It's like watching those like Indian repair guy videos

where he like slams on the thing a bunch of times. And it's just like doing everything super fast. They go to the same school. They must go to the same. The women at CVS pharmacy must go to the same vocational program that trains Indian mechanics. Yeah, it's not dinner and a show. I just need my fucking prescription so I can get the fuck on with my day. Calm down.

You're fucking up people's medicine back there. No, actually, part of what took so long one time, I forgot. I just needed something simple. And what took so fucking long was doing all that. shit they gave out the wrong medication and this old guy came back and fucking had a field day and it was like yeah I got somebody's wrong medication that's right yeah yeah it's not an uncommon thing and I'm why don't you guys calm the fuck down do the one thing you're asked to do at that

time and nothing else and then there's always one brown guy back there just kind of like stare one Asian guy just like staring you know yeah and like just because you dickheads are wearing fucking lab coats doesn't mean you're like I should be looking up to you who Okay. I'm an esteemed scientist. Like, no, we're in a fucking CVS

in a shitty part of town. They're acting like they're on, like, Iron Chef. Yeah. All the women at CVS Pharmacy are always acting like they're on Iron Chef

and they're not doing anything. They're just moving shit around, like from one place to you next. You can't do anything until like, you get the fucking go ahead from the larger company that, yes, the pill vall unlock and that you can be around.

I know they're not doing anything because when I go there, max, waiting. And when I go to McDonald's, there's like max 10 or 20 people waiting. And they're moving slower than the pharmacy people. Yeah.

And the pharmacy people are not doing complicated stuff. They're not mixing up the pills back there. Yeah, they're not pressing them fucking live. It's all just, they have votes for it all, yeah. In alphabetical order, maybe that's the problem. Maybe they're not doing alphabetical order. Maybe they arrange them by colors or something.

The yellow in the front, brown in the back? Yeah, probably that. Okay, sir, what else? What's the fucking pharmacy techs even do at CDS? You're putting pills in a bottle and slapping a fucking sticker with a name on it, on a fucking packaged prescription, yet you are fucking frantically running around, and you have no fucking sense of who to help first.

You have one dumb bitch on the fucking back register. standing there look like a retard waiting for some thud ass to fucking get my prescription and put it in

front of me meanwhile fucking the dumb cun and the fucking cat God damn it God fucking damn it

there's a guy right here right the guy right at the fucking register five people behind him

she walks out okay who's next yeah how do you not know what a great call that was a great absolutely terrific call

best one ever the shitting in the pants joke worst call ever CVS pharmacy best call ever you think that's bad don't go to target pharmacy they're even worse they're way worse because they got Starbucks there in there

hey dick hey Johnny this is a solution for the bonus episode I don't know if somebody come up with this one already if you had something similar but what we really need is

software, firmware built into all microphones. We can start with the iPhones. I'll cover a lot of ground right there. But essentially what it will do is if there's a person who's fat, it will take that fat sound that's in their voice in like amplify. It will like analyze the frequencies in the voice that that has that fat sound and then it just bumps it up. Bumps it up.

But any time we hear a fat person speaking, it will sound. even more fat and it will be easier to identify the fat just by the sound of their voice. Fat detector. You have processing on it to like make it sound like other people or other characters. So we can do like, this is the Chris Farley voice or whatever. I'm starving. Or we could do Gobba the Hut, Gobba the Hut voice. Or we can do a manatee like, ooh.

Okay, that's fine. Or we could have one where we like augment it with like, uh, you know, instruments in the background. So while they're talking, there could be like two buds in the background. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. More of this, more stuff. All they're talking.

And then this way we know, they can't hide behind, you know, face camera angles or whatever. They're just going to be fat sounding fat all the time. It's great. This is great stuff. On any microphone they talk on just, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It should be a scale you have to stand. A scale you have to stand on But scale you have Right and depending on your weight It pitches your voice down by a certain amount

By a percentage so if you're If you're within like five pounds Plus or minus of your ideal weight No penalty Anything lower You know 0.1% pitch drop All the way to if you're obese is just like Fuck I forgot to play the Johnny Rocket stuff

Stop everything Stop everything Johnny Rocket Maddox Thanksgiving Yes, here we go All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. Download them all.

Johnny Rocket, who's got the Maniac 2, I think you can get it on Indie Go-Go-Go. Amazing. Very funny stuff. Corgan's the artist. Check that out. Or maybe it's fun, my gosh. No, I think it's Indie Go-Go. Let me see. And this zip thing doesn't work.

They like to make it look like it's normal. Right. Double-clicking the zip, but it doesn't interact with anything. The Maniac. Indie-Go-Go. Let's see if that works. No, it didn't. No, I don't want The Maniac with a C.

I want The Maniac by Johnny Rocket. Yes. The Uninvited. Is that the one? Maybe? I don't know. Look for the Maniac. That's the one.

This is the one? He has the second one, though. Oh. The Maniac 2 by Johnny, I think. Maniac 2. Johnny Rocket. Yeah, there it is. The Uninvited Part 2.

What's it at? It has been... Oh, 2 grand. Okay, that needs to be higher. That's got to be 10. thousand dollars get in there everybody got you gotta go back the maniac two you get a website so you can just go to that but the maniac two uninvited maniac two uninvited part two there you go maniac two uninvited part two uh let's listen to what maddox did for thanksgiving

should be good and normal now that he's um gone to a psychiatrist and he has a dog and stuff should be doing totally normal stuff. He's got a lot of friends. He's like the epitome of Friendsgiving. So let's see what he was up to. Hello, losers. It's been a while. Sorry, I've been too busy

wanting to give you peasants a peek into my kick-ass life, but it was a holiday. I am thankful I have so much to brag about. So I'm sharing another wonderful tale about my life. Listen up to the time I saved Thanksgiving. You numb skulls. Would have fucked it up were you in my shoes. Wow.

Damn. Exciting. Okay. Save Thanksgiving. Let's hear it. Okay. So the Maddox Clans, had Thanksgiving at Mama Maddox's house.

She's on new medication that makes driving difficult so we didn't have to wrangle her from the casino. Unfortunately, my brother is now trying to make it as a professional wrestler. Every TV in the house is playing the best of John Cena and some of Chris Benoit's matches. Yes, Chris Benoit is the wrestler that murdered his family

and then killed himself with a Bowflex. And yes, we are scared of my brother eventually. Chris Benoit ting us. But what's immediately annoying about my brother's new psychosis is he, broke every table in the house the night before Thanksgiving. He used a deer

carcass as a dummy and slammed it through each fucking table while I was buying the Thanksgiving bird. Okay. His brother's Benoit, Chris Benw So for our Thanksgiving feast, we didn't have a normal table. We had a pool table. Now, I know what you're thinking. A pool table can work as a dinner table in a pinch. That's true.

But this isn't a normal pool table. It's a toy one meant for kids. We have to kneel to use it. Not a huge deal. Only one chair survived my brother's furniture massacre anyway. I insisted my date get to use that chair. Yes, that's right. There's a woman in my life. Jealous. Her name is Lilith, and she's a great programmer. She managed to occupy my brother's insanity with a neat little 8-bit cartoon thingy she made on Linux. I've told her I know the

smiling friends guys. I need to figure out how to make that lie a truth. I bet one of them read my book. That's basically being friends with someone. Get ready for me in season four guys. Oh, yeah. That would be fucking hilarious. With Mama Maddox passed out and my brother distracted, I went to prepare the Thanksgiving bird. I've been saying bird because it's not a turkey. Only idiots and racist pilgrims like turkey. I got a kick-ass mega chicken for our holiday bash. It comes pre-prepared with the manliest hot sauce. Unfortunately, I have been having insane diarrhea lately. Before I could get the bird out of the garage fridge, I absolutely flooded my pants with shit. I even got it in my shoes somehow. I stripped

and placed my doo-do clothes in a neat pile. I planned on dealing with it later because I wanted to get the bird in the oven A-sap. Unfortunately, I slipped on some of my mess and dropped the bird into my pile of shame. Now you idiots are probably thinking, okay, I would just drive to the store and get whatever bird I could. Like, that's stupid. How I'm going to go into the grocery store with no pants? I'm not getting arrested for that again, idiot. I had to improvise. My brother's wrestling persona is the cake man. His gimmick is to assault wrestlers on their birthday with cake. He hasn't been signed by anyone, so he's been doing what I generously describe as stalking and throwing cake at wrestlers while they're doing errands. before their birthday, dinner or whatever.

He practices throwing cake in the backyard. And because of that, there's a slaughter of fat crows there 24-7. They're really slow and sleepy because of the diabetes or whatever. So it was really easy to grab nine of them. I broke their necks, pluck their feathers, and stitch them together. I did a pretty darn good job. You'd never know it wasn't a fucked up chicken. Okay. Eating Crow for Thanksgiving.

My only clothes were the Cuck the Chef apron, because my brother borrowed all the other clothes I brought to practice fire wrestling. This apparently was a part of the table smashing I described earlier. My brother survived. My clothes did not. To save face, I mean, his brother is retarded. Like the Indians before they invented call centers. Okay, so the Frankenstein crow fit perfectly on the children's pool table, mostly because Mama Maddox neglected to make anything else.

Before we could dig in, we placed my father's military uniform at the head of the table, as his tradition. We thanked him for his service. Then we gave him 20 salutes. One for each POW that died so he could escape, and meet my mom. I forgot he was dead. Ah.

Oh. Okay. I want this whole thing animated. I think his real-life brother is more fucked up than this, though. And Alex's real-life brother, I think, is more fucked up than the guy doing power slams into the Thanksgiving table. I love the concept of him, like, doing the salute so hard, he leaves, like, a little, like, a couple fingers of, like, a dent in his head each time. Okay. It was a pretty good holiday thanks to yours truly.

For some reason we all got sick, also my brother slept with Lilith, but still it was one of the better Maddox clan holidays. All thanks to me, the real Maddox. By the way, I heard you guys slandering me about that sweet porn star party I attended. I want to clarify something to you in cells that yes, I did arrive first without my friends who actually knew the heroic sex workers that were gracious enough to host that party. However, I arrived first because all my friends were black, but I will admit to one blunder. I did show up to the porn stars party naked.

Now, be honest, wouldn't you assume it's like a nudist speech? How am I the asshole? Come on. It could happen to anybody. It could happen to anybody. It was a pretty good... My only clothes were the cuck the chef apron because my brother borrowed all the other clothes I brought to practice fire wrestling. This apparently was a part of the table.

smashing I described earlier. Yeah. My brother survived. My clothes did not. To save face, I pretended I was doing a bit basically naked like the Indians before they invented call centers. Okay, so the Frankenstein crow fit perfectly on the children's pool table, mostly because Mama Maddox neglected to make anything else.

Right. Before we could dig in, we placed my father's military uniform at the head of the table as his tradition. We thanked him for his service. Then we gave him 20 salutes. One for each POW that died so he could escape and meet my mom. It was a pretty good... God damn.

Nah, it's over today. That's it. I can't do. No, everything else would have fried your shit. Yeah, I can't do. Hey, Dick, hey, Johnny. I gotta stop. Oh, Thanksgiving.

So, have a Thanksgiving. Remember when you guys talked about that Nerf club? And how you were, you know, talking about that. Yeah. Yeah, well, I actually was in a Discord with one of the lines. Oh wait, really? What? He was in the Discord with a Nerf.

Gun Club Mod? Let me hear that. I'll wait for the theme song. Thanks, Johnny Rocket. Back the Maniac 2. I would love to see Maddox host the show. This show. Oh, yeah.

That would be surreal. I would fucking love it. I don't know how much I would pay for that. It would be good. It would be so funny. He can talk for two hours. Right? Yeah.

He did Ox Mad forever. If he... He could bust out Ox Mad? If he dresses in a cowboy outfit, I would do this show for free until I turned into dust. You know what I would love to see him try to do one of those... You set up talking to yourself. Like, you record the pre-record.

and then you have to give the responses. Him interviewing Oxman and Banana Docs independently? Yeah. That I would pay big money for. God damn. What is this guy saying? I'm calling on Thanksgiving. So happy Thanksgiving.

Remember when you guys talked about that Nerf Club and how you were, you know, talking about that trune? Yeah, well, I actually was in a Discord with one of the mods of that Nerf. group and I sort of quietly said like hey these comedy podcast guys they were talking and then they asked

oh oh can you give me a link we're trying to moderate the post of the Instagram post because there's transphobic comments and I just said nah I don't know and they believed it because you know send it to them I'm like a big nerf guy but you know it's kind of

of cringe and I admit it's cringe but apparently other people just... Wait, you're a big Nerf guy? For some reason and, you know, it's kind of delusional, but I'll see you guys.

Is that what he said? He's a big Nerf guy? He's a big Nerf guy and he's like, get a load of these dorks. You're a big Nerf guy. Why don't you call in with more Nerf stuff?

Actually, yeah. Yeah. That would be cool. Do you buy all the, is it all like regulation? You can only use like equipment from the store? Yeah, do you like freeze your darts?

Like you would paint, You soak Like would you use there any Is there any like An air pump? Yeah can you cause actual damage with these Yeah

Or is it just like Shit of Toys R Us Yeah Like could you Have like a big net Covering everyone And then dump like You could power one of those

Those darts Through fucking cardboard If you put enough air through it Just show up with like a Fucking small car engine And just be blasting everyone to death I mean you're the one saying it's cringe, I don't know.

He called it cringe, yeah. They hurt when you get hit in the eyes, that's for sure. They stick to your retinas and pull them off when you're trying to... Can you tip them with LSD or something when you're out there to shoot at people's mouths? That's crazy. They're all real good. I can't believe more drug dosings don't happen, like for comedy purposes, you know? People really consider it like a violation.

If you give them weed brownies, you know, tell them about it, they get all pissed off. Oh, the problem is. then everyone afterwards, it's like, well, you didn't, like, deal with them afterward. You caused this mess? Yeah, it's a joke. It was a joke that I did to them to be mean. To hurt them.

I guess that's why. I put people's tax returns and their brownies, too. Get a bite of this. It'll terrify the shit out of you. I don't know. I would think there would be more drug dosings. I guess it's hard to dose somebody with drugs unless you get it in their mouth though

and people are usually pretty good at keeping stuff out of their mouths. Except for cocks. These days it's like I don't think it would be as funny now. No? No, because somebody overdosing on fentanyl.

It should be pretty funny. Well, that actually is funny. I was thinking more of like, oh, give someone some mushrooms and watch for them. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. I wouldn't want to give them of mushrooms because then you'd have to hear about them being on mushrooms after. Right. That's kind of why

It's like, I don't think it would be a fun thing to like... I thought that Brian Johnson guy, who's like trying to live forever, I thought he was like kind of funny. Oh, yeah. Corny, but funny. But then he did mushrooms in a scientific way, and he talked about it with a shaman, and I've never hated anyone more.

I'm like, God, I hope you fucking die. I mean, you can be kid by the fucking truck. Fucking hate anyone talking about the time they did mushrooms. Mushrooms in general. Fuck you. Seathing hatred. I'm like, now I'm going to try to live forever. Just like to see you die.

piece of shit fucking asshole spores in his body and let the mushrooms consume him give his son AIDS so he can get AIDS from blood swapping Hey dude you're probably gonna put this on the show

but I'm gonna ask you not to oh what was that that's me playing that sound effect what was the rest of that what the fuck was that I hope that guy's all right what the fuck was that

what the fuck was that fuck. I'll have what he's having. I'll have what I'm having. What the hell is that? Fuck. You got to relax, man. You're not going to make it to Christmas with that attitude. Just one of another, another turkey hater out there, man. Come on, man.

You're not going to get your copy of Super Killer. You got to relax. Hang in there. You got to buy the shirt yet again. I saw no $5,000 orders. for t-shirts come in through the website guy's gonna kill himself no one ever does it they always send email I'm gonna kill myself but

you know what I don't see see a lot of emails about gonna kill myself I don't see any $5,000 orders of t-shirts on the store get your money up and then I'm done dude I made it nice and easy just type I'm done dude into the search bar

or else what are we doing here or just call in and do that I was trying to find trying to find a good sound effect but that wasn't really that good was Chris Farley barfing well I was

that's the fucking sound that I was looking for not the fucking one not the other one that I played alright well I go kill myself I guess hey Nick Cid Johnny quick thing about the not down the style

whatever the fuck truck drivers yeah 2017 2018 or so every truck driver that has picked up a load from my factory has been

usually Hispanic not a fucking word of English sometimes North African one of the North African guys actually wrapped his fucking semi around a telephone pole got it sunk into the fucking mud

and about two fucking feet deep having no idea how to drive in this car just fuck in my six months or I think I might have pictures of it still but it's roughly 2017-2018 I personally in Ohio noticed yeah none of my truck drivers speak any fucking English sure why would that always some flavor of brown that's all I got bye-bye I think the band's name was a lighter shade of brown yeah get the fuck out get them all gone fucking closing time in America man I don't care where you're going but you can't stay here get the fuck out got that song on CD2 man God get out please God get these people out I guess that's all we have to worry about now

that's the next 50 years of politics get to fuck out and slurs on television I don't care about literally anything else and one or two beers on the drive home or two beers on the drive home one or two that's how I'll know we did it if there's no more round people and fucking

I see a silver can hanging out the side of an old pickup truck smoking some cigarettes spilling bunch of crunch everywhere Miller High Life man Fuck yeah okay goodbye everyone We'll do Johnny's corner next week next week Yeah I don't have it in me today

Goodbye