The Dick Show - Episode 494 - Dick on The Final Fat Frontier

Episode Date: January 19, 2026

Two fat Mexicans at swimming lessons, NO MA'AM, the UK fails to brainwash young men again, a Reddit mod spergs out, the new fat and Black and gay Star Trek, melon bread, the ADL makes an AI lawsuit machine, and I am attacked by a whale; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

You know, this setup is what we used so long ago, man, what we're using right now. This is bringing me back. This stupid little red box. The bane of my fucking existence, man. This little red motherfucker. Hey, man, you can't shit on the Beringer Box. That thing's saving our lives right now. The Bairinger Box, I invite to kill itself.

Yeah, Avid, you can follow suit with that. I forgot how hard it is to do a show where you're just thinking about audio shit and issues. shoes for like three hours and you're like oh wait yeah there's a whole other world nobody wants to hear about that shit you know nobody wants to hear about that shit uh i got to re-center on fat women something else what do we usually talk about on this show well so what we were talking about originally was i fucking hate people who can't give up the bit you know what man fucking cheers we're back on board we're fucking hours late and my four hours late and my fucking cool caller that i had is can't call in now, obviously.

I got to buy all new computer stuff. Great, man. I need a time machine to grab myself when I was 14 and say, hey, buddy, you want to build a computer for me? Yeah, I would love that. Because I don't. Yeah, we're only buying MacBooks from now on.

Fuck! I got to buy another man. Oh, no! I'm going to set this bitch up. What bitch did I point at? This bitch. Yeah. You know what? My dad It was my dad. My dad cursed us. He put a fucking tenotitlan curse on us.

He put a fucking chiskelay on me. He came over with melon bread. He said, I got some Eskimales for your ass. I was like, what is this? Why do you have green bread? Sam I am? He goes, it's melon bread. You remember it? And we had it last weekend? I said, yeah, it was disgusting. I remember saying it was disgusting.

Who thinks honeydew belongs in fucking bread? That's what I said. Honey dude's the worst man It's only there as fucking filler shit in the fucking fruit bowl At any buffet you go to Well there's another flavor like it's yellow What is it piss lemon flavor? What kind of fucked up bread did you bring over here? Why don't you bring over regular bread?

Yeah, but why's it always got to be an experiment? You're trying to see what you'll eat God damn it Try to bring my son melon bread? Fuck you Get out of you Yeah, now you're gonna have him hating normal bread Once he acquires the taste and then he

he said my dad had an invention what's that we were talking about like picking this picking the baby up you know watching the baby 60% of your life is logistics

when you have a kid UPS you know or like an oil bear I'm I gotta go watch Castaway now I'll look at it in a whole new light like oh yeah oh yeah FedEx yeah what can Brown do for you I said I wasn't going to drink today, but here I am.

Drink it. Four beers deep. Oh, man. I'm just fucking worthless when I drink. Well, I would venture so far as to say that fucking updates are worthless. What the fuck? I knew it was wrong when I did it when it said, you want to update tonight? And I was like, I don't know.

And I left it alone, and then it did. And now everything's shot to hell. And I don't know what's wrong. I don't know what's doing it. Apple's only ever been good to me every time I've had to update shit and every time I realized much like how you did

way too late like oh fuck I shouldn't hit update now none of my plugins are going to work anymore but they all have so when I saw the update I was like oh cool I don't know man I'm just gonna buy new stuff um my dad says well you gotta get uh you know you need I get an invention for you

I said what and he goes granny tranny I said I don't want that what are you talking about they have that I don't want that That's Johnny's The whole world Granny tranny Well that's like a small piece of the pie

In depravity land And he said It stands for transportation I said get the fuck out of it No it doesn't How many other alternate definitions do you have Granny tranny

Does not stand for transportation It should be Transmission if we're going to be No transportation It's an app I said, I don't want to hear about this shit. I got to prepare to work on my broken-ass audio equipment for four hours. I don't have time for this nonsense.

See, he threw you off your game. Provocative names. This is fucking melon bread. It's just melon bread and his fucking apps. Both got to go. I almost played the end of the show song. We got a great... I was so young and full of energy.

Four hours ago when we started working on this... It's the KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. Especially Reddit doesn't want to hear it. Oh, Mar-on! Did you see the Reddit? The Reddit mod post his video? A Reddit mod got demodded or whatever. What were those fucking losers?

Happens to them? And he posted this video about... how people need to take Reddit mods seriously. Did you see this? No, of all things I have not seen, that's it. Hello, Spaz. Look at this. Get ready. Get ready for this. Get ready to have your fucking mind blown.

Is he calling everyone Spads already? I like this guy. This is Reddit. You know, like Donald Glovers, this is America. This is Reddit. This fucking fruity pants posted some scam link on a Reddit, and then he got demodded, and then he made this video. Doesn't it look at Gluvers?

Exactly like Maddox's video about me? It's that Tim and Eric level, like, you can't tell if it's an earnest attempt or just like... It's total satire. Fuck you. We paid our intern in hot dogs. Mr. CEO of Reddit. I hope you have received this public video that I have created and sent...

And he says video the same wrong way. Did you hear that? Mm-hmm. He posted a 20-minute video about how people need to take Reddit seriously. Reddit mods, because they're actual celebrities. This guy set him back 400 years. man. Hello, Spaz, Mr. CEO of Reddit.

I hope you have received this public video that I have created and said... That was right off the bat. No need for a second tape. This one will do. You want to redo the intro a bit? Hi, Spaz. I hope this public video finds you well. I hope it blows your asshole inside out.

I hope this public video blows your ass wide open. Sent to you via your email. I'm Brian or Stale 2000 or... Did I do the yell? Presenting... I didn't do the yumb. Hold on. I can tell you about swim class.

Baby swim class, man. I got fucked. I got fucked over the big time. Hey, yeah! Welcome, Dick. You want Dick, you need to love Dick. You got it. It's a show, everything's in an audio issue.

Coming to you live from Mount Burunkageeep in the heart of city of failure. My host, Dick Masterson, aka the $20 million man. Joining me, as always, is Johnny, the audio engineer. Johnny, the worthless audio engineer. Man, you came through, though, and I said, let's get out this old technology, this grandpa box, and set it up. I said, you came through. Speaking my fucking language, finally.

None of this newfangled computer shit. You know what box you haven't had to update? That little Red Barringer Ultra Pro. You know what? I almost smashed it because I was so sick of this little fucking thing and the hissing noise that it does generate. I almost fucking smashed it just out of spite. Years, five, six years ago.

It was. And I didn't because of my cheapness. And then here we go, needing it. this goddamn $800 box or whatever starts clicking and I will say we needed some extra cables and what did you have? Cables.

You had a fucking small cable bin with the correct cables. Dad and his goddamn melon bread fucked me all up. Dude he was wearing a high-vis outfit like he was either going to a rave or worked as part of a chain gang but it was

He got that hat is a free hat that he got from Shields. I call, I said that's a great hat. Where'd you get that? He goes, it was free. That's the best hat, yeah. Obviously, it was free. High Viz, man. Shields, man.

Dude, it was great. Nebraska, man. I wore a shirt out the other night. My grandma was like, wow, that's a really nice shirt. I was like, thanks. It cost me 15 bucks at Costco. She's like, that's a great. I was like, yeah, bitch.

What was it? Was it one of those? They got Instagram shirts now that are like three men. That's, my wife gave me some for Christmas. That's crazy. What the hell is this? She goes, yeah, I saw it on Instagram. It's like, it's supposed to be really form fitting and, like, make you, and I said, I'm sorry.

Was the selling point that your husband looks like shit and then you're telling me that you got it for me? Right. That's like the old scam of like, hey, maybe we should both start going on 10 mile runs every day before breakfast. Send it back. I don't need a shirt that makes me look good. You can't make me look good. Oh, it's great. It's a $15 fucking wrangler fucking flannel.

It looks great. And then all you do is you take a razor, take the tag off. That's what you have? Yeah. Your grandma's thing? All right. This is the... Tarot card.

I was the top moderator of your number one gaming subreddit, R-slash live stream fail, before I was recently removed from that position by the Reddit Code of Conduct team. There was an announcement related to a live... Look at how he talks. Ha! Ah!

Hey, ah! This is Reddit, okay? This is Reddit. This guy right here. This is King Reddit. King of Reddit. Elon Musk. World's richest man.

Right? A little weird. He dumps him and dumps him. That's what he does. He fucks him. pose, dumps him, write some a check go fuck yourself. Don't trans my kid. And they do

they do trans because they can't cut your dick off. They're going to cut somebody's dick off for what you did to them. But anyway, still cool and based. This guy's old Sheldon. This guy's fucking Petto Sheldon. Extreme related game show Spinolellan. Spinoff. A million dollar fan. It was basically

a game show like Survivor or Big Brother, where where fans of a stream... Dude, he looks like Frank from Always Sunny when he does the Frank's little beauties. Like when he goes to the mortician? Yeah. For makeup?

He's got that jaundice mask going. Look at this. He's got the straightest comb over part of ever... A part of nothing. You think it was 3D printed? He's got a 3D printed hairline. You got to shave this shit, man. You look like a...

You look like a fucking weirdo. He's the... You look like a real weirdo. They were to compete in different challenges. with an influence or a streamer for various prizes. The kicker here is that there was a grand prize. Look at these lips. Have you ever seen lips this big?

On a man? Don't go to prison. What color do you think his wig is? He should have had a wig. He should have a big fucking fro. Dude, if he would have to, okay, if there was either a rainbow afro wig or like a short bob wig, like one of those comical ones that makes your face look fatter and better that all these fat bitches do, if he did something like that, I'd be like, all right.

might be funny there's a small chance of redemption here $20 million he was thinking he was like hey I want to get made fun of by the whole internet I look like a pedophile He's like I'll show you guys that I'm a huge fag Oh what What are you thinking

Oh shit You can't do that You can't park your car here You can't do that on this show Wow you know what all that time dealing with protiles It really puts you in a bad head space, I know.

Set me into engineering. We used to have to do the, we used to have to troubleshoot every week. It was a fucking nightmare. And I haven't had to do it for years until today. And I remember how much I fucking hated. I've had easier times aligning outdated tape machines. I'd have rather been raped. If the choice was four hours of audio technical issues or being raped, I'll pick the rape.

10 out of 10 times, even on a Sunday morning. At least there's an end to the rape at some point. Yeah, the rape's gonna be fast. No, I'm not gonna be raped for four hours. I'll tell you that. There's no way. Unless I'm being raped by a woman, right? You gotta specify. I'd rather be raped by a man, thank you. Over quickly. Get raped by a fat woman. And the smell, the bads, if you get raped by a man, the smell is me. You know, it's my shit that I'm smelling. You get raped by a woman, the fucking fish smell is not mine. So it's not, you know, it's like you smell your own fart. It's like not so, it's not as bad, you know? It's so crazy. You could just be... Isn't that true, though?

You could be in a board meeting and be like... I'm like, man, are you farting? Be like, actually, dude, just got raped. I was just raped. I was just raped. That's why you smell all this...

Like, yeah, that's my... Atomized shit smell. It's my shit. It's cool. Yeah, it reminds me of shitting. Cool. When I could do it without walking up the stairs.

Not raped by a woman. Oh, God. What is this? Fucking Pike's Peak over here? You have to watch the steel bag. Here? is. Low tide?

Jesus. It smells like a fucking zoo enclosure in here. How have women have been around for so long they haven't figured

that out yet? Come on. The dog surgery smell? Is that what it is? Dog surgery? I imagine. What is this?

Somebody texting me? No. Everybody's gone. We got a big bonus episode. WATP. Bonus episode. That was the last time

my audio worked. Great, furry thing. And then Carl reads Vito's letter, very funny. I forget what we were doing in that bonus episode. I like the thought. Oh, that awful smoke session woman is on. Have you seen that woman?

Yeah. God, she's annoying. She's fucking the worst. She's so bad. Trashing her boyfriend after their Japan trip. What a bitch. What a fucking bitch. You really lay into her in that episode.

So I... We have a swim class, baby swim class. I know what the point of it is You float around You float around with a baby You float around with a baby And then you dunk them Yeah

Fucking dunk them Well it's how you get back At your kid right Yeah I think I think that's part of it And then you just say Oh well I'm helping you build character There was another dad

I don't know For some reason all that It was dad's day At baby swim class And there I was You know I was bringing Donnie And I was going around She's like

All right it's time to dunk him And dad's like, oh, I don't dunk fucking Oliver or whatever his name was. I looked at it and I was like, fucking this guy, you know? Yeah, you're one of those words. Oh, okay, cool.

Yeah, precious. I was there, and there's a guy, there was a Mexican guy wearing a no-ma'am shirt to the public. That guy's fucking cool. Big fat Mexican guy said, what the fuck? I'm getting mocked at the public.

Wow! So I was like, hey. Nice. Nice shirt, man. And it was an official one, too, that had the stuff on the back, you know? North American men against Amazonian masterhood. You're like, I see you're a man of culture and not because you're a fat Mexican. Yeah, I was like, wow, man. Cool.

So I got to represent. I got to wear, now I can't wear it, though, because I'll look like I'm just trying to kiss his ass or something. Yeah. Then they'll be like, look at the two fat Mexicans for the shirts. An even fatter Mexican is here wearing a no ma'am shirt. Sir, a second fatter Mexican has hit the tower? That's hit the no ma'am. So I'm fiddling around with my son in the little warm-up pool, right, bouncing him around,

putting them on a boogie-boarding and going like, wah-warr, right? That's cool. Trying not to get karate kicked by all these fucking Chinese kids that are flipping upside down. That's not cool. Like Neo. Go through, try, cha-cha, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. And they get instructors, right, that come in. And the instructors, they have a little list of the babies that they're getting.

and then you go bring your baby in there and there's this like fucking cute ass hot ass instructed comes in the pool and like ooh boy here we go here we go right you're like I see why I go to baby I could do 20 minutes of this

I could take 20 minutes of the swim lessons of any sort here you just leave your baby under the water by accident and then they get the pool is like four feet deep so that's perfect for women just like oh man all right tits right there you know I'd escape

my, you're not escaping my gaze, you know? Floating right on the water, yeah. Dern, der, der, da, da, right? What was that song? CCR? Yeah. What is that song? Man.

Something on the water. Fog on the water? Smoke on the water, yeah. Smoke on the water, yeah. Tits on the water. Anyway, I was like, hey, whoa, whoa, let's scoot over here. Hey, what's going on?

What's your situation? You have, uh, uh, oh, what is this? Oh. Not yet. My wife. Do you guys want beers? Exclusively. What's going on?

You got, uh, who you got on your little list there? What's, what's going on? Who's your, what's going on with the little list there that you got there? Who's on the list there for you? What baby are you looking for? She goes, Jessica. I was like, he's fucking Jessica. That's so crazy, yeah.

Lucky us. All right. Let's go. And then fucking stupid bitch. I'm Jessica. Fuck. Fuck. And I said, all right, well, surely they'll have a, maybe even, maybe not as hot as that one, but there'll be a good one.

Second string action, yeah. Second string action. This is a thing for young women. You know, it's an active, it's a, swimming is an active activity, is an active sport. I unfortunately see exactly where this is going. And then I see a, I hear a, boom. You gotta be fucking kidding me And I hear

Daddy! I hear Darno Donald Whistling like a fucking fog or like Hoo Boo And I know I can't even tell what the word is And I know it's for me

And I'm like, you got to be No, no, no, no, no And I look down at him I'm like, don't turn around, don't turn around, don't turn around I turn around and look And it's a great monster Lumbering in from outside

with a zip lock bag as a hairnet Get the fuck out of here Yeah I said come on Easily three people Wider than the stairs Would she have like a zip lock trash bag

To be God damn Like don't get too close You gotta stay close to me You gotta stay close to me I know and he keeps looking at the pretty one I'm like yeah Good instinct

I know that's yeah that's not and I look over Guess who Stepping into the pool with their fucking Noam shirt on Fucking Cholo Everyone's like man you motherfucker Oh

Who's that Those assholes I'd look next time Who go around Like tormenting all that Japanese Industry All the

All the anti-whaling guys Yeah the whaling guys The Oshimaru Or something The Nishimaru Whale Wars Are they still around? I don't

I don't know. I think they lost that. I think so, they got killed or something. Yeah. They fucked up their boat. The one of them had a little speed boat that would like zoom around. Yeah. He crashed it. You should have wore like a support for that crew.

Whale Wars? Yeah. Come on, man. That's some fucking boomer shit too. Um, okay. Let me see what I actually have here. Something about, oh yeah, vitamins. Gilling Hot dogs.

I think grilling hot dogs. Who's grilling hot dogs in the rapper? Is it a new thing? Did you have to feel? finished that question. I saw something about that, grilling hot dogs and the rapper. I also saw something about that.

Is that who I think it is? A while ago. And I thought, huh, maybe that's just like an online thing, right? Yeah, maybe people are doing it as a joke. That's what I had thought.

But no, it's apparently as bad as, you know, washing your turkey on Thanksgiving. It's black people doing it? Yeah. They're cooking their hot dogs in the pack, like a life hack?

Yeah, well, because then they just, they boil in bag. It's disgusting. That's fucking insane. Okay, let me watch more of this Reddit mod. Supposedly. But I also had a stretch goal.

And that was, what if LSF could be part of the show in some way? I don't know. I don't care. I don't want to watch this Reddit idiot. This guy, there's no way it's not a joke. Like, how do you seriously film yourself in front of some, like, fucking, like, Linux-generated background? Yeah. They have like a, they're drawn to those backgrounds, these weirdos.

They think they're all Steve Jobs. Here is a new Star Trek. It's blacker and femaleer than ever. Holy shit. This is a real ad for a new Star Trek show. This is not even a Klingon anymore, this guy. It's just a black guy. It's blacker and gayer than ever.

How about that? It's called Star Trek ass pounder. Blacker than and gayer than ever Welcome to the new Star Trek If you liked regular Star Trek You're gonna love You're gonna, if you like board meetings

And guys like being reserved And debating their decisions And like debating morality You're gonna love this You're gonna love Dawson's Creek You're gonna love gay Star Trek Here's a clip from gay Star Trek This is a fat

black fish lady um this is the captain why is it that in every universe right you can always like they always make sure you know who the black one is yeah they really they really want you to know

which which character is the fat black one of that fish species oh it's the fish people that are the fat oh okay this lady's like they're probably are you a fat black fish person or is your whole are all the fish people yeah is she driving the bus or making sure you can or can't drive it.

I must know. I mean, what the fuck is this? Well, you know, there's fat black fish ladies in space. The badlands, captain. Subspace instability may be creeping in. She has glasses in space. What the hell? Look at this.

A big fat blueberry walks over. Holy shit. So Ohio exists, Atlanta and wherever the fuck. Look at this. Look at the size of this one. Make an excellent practical study module for the Spatial Harmonics Lab, Captain. It's code for snack. They don't have Ozempic in the future.

Or eye surgery? Like, what the fuck? Subspace instability, maybe. I didn't think they made Star Trek uniforms in like 6XL, but I guess they do. I didn't realize Star Trek existed in current day America. That's so crazy. It's the fucking officification of everything. Dude, no matter how hard, no matter how hard they throw this shit at people.

It always fails. Space DEI, dude. And they never... They never learn. Wasn't there anything else you guys could fucking ruin? Did it have to be Star Trek? Couldn't you ruin like... I don't know, man, Bridget Jones' diary or something?

Couldn't you make a good Star Trek and whatever this is? No. Like just regular guys sitting around. Just a regular guy sitting around. I'd watch that. Yeah, I'd rather watch a guy like... Just watching Star Trek, old Stratt Trek than this. With no commentary, just like the ambience of the TV.

Fad black fish lady. A lady with glasses is the captain. Corkchungis is Captain Corkchungus. Captain's log. How long? I have a case, the real case of the Space Mondays. Captain's 12-foot log? If you're the fish.

It's so bad. Let me see if I got another clip from this. It's just like, They're like, hey, we'll start somewhere good. And then just keep going. Oh, yeah, here we go. Okay. Everything, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here we go. Here's the new Star Trek. It's called Starfleet Academy. Being a cadet. The name of this cadet. Being a cadet in Starfleet Academy means being open to the people around you. And that connection is where time and space really live. I don't need connection.

Yeah, yeah. You're a genius. us who owns all the suffering. I only know two things, kid. Number one, old age and treachery, always triumph over youth and a smart mouth. Oscar Wilde. Love that dude.

Fun fact, when he died, they had to put glass over his tombstone because people kept trying to make out with it. Number two, a smart mouth isn't worth a damn. Name. Everything is ruined. What's up with all the, like, sonic autism, like, you're out of your league, kid.

Like, no one actually fucking talks like that. I hate that shit so much. Everything's ruined. Everything's ruined, man. I don't need a 60-year-old lesbian saying, dude. Well, because what it is, too, is it comes across as, like, someone

who had an argument with themselves on their drive home or, like, in the shower, and is like, ah, finally, I get to postulate. I get to write my perfect thing. Another fucking fat woman, dude. I mean, they're so ubiquitous that I don't even notice it anymore.

She's actually not a woman. She's one of the monsters. Oh, is that a ship? Is it a starship that I'm looking at? Death Star Jr. Jesus fucking Christ, man. It was like... It was like...

It used to be like at least a little bit... Like, pedophiles used to be attracted to Star Trek. They're not going to... Pedophiles aren't going to be attracted because it was so, like, so weird. It was so regimented and orderly. There was something about it that attracted them. It was so specific.

It's just like another office episode in space. And then I turned around and everyone clapped. Like, that's what I'm expecting at the end of it. Okay. Here's Amelie. Or Amelia. I just found this one today. I see.

Yeah, who is Amelia? So the UK government The UK government made a Propaganda game Where you're playing as a guy You're playing as this white guy right here And like you have to choose To do things correctly

Like it says like You researched You researched things online And it said It said that you should be more It led to the conclusion that you should be more extreme What do you think you're should do. And the correct answer is that you shouldn't go online anymore. You should like research

it more. It's like a brainwashing game, right? So they made one of the, they made one of the anti-immigration people, this goth girl with a, this like goth girl with a collar that looks exactly like Rebecca Flowers from, what was her name, Ramona Flowers? Oh, right. From Scott Pilgrim versus the world. And it's backfiring. And the woman They made like a very sexually available thin woman, thin cartoon woman The anti-immigration Antagonist

You're supposed to resist the temptations of In this game and I guess it's backfiring And now everybody loves this Amelie This Amelia girl Called Pathways Well I just love too that You know you're shunuching and trying to be indoctrinated by this skinny cartoon girl.

Yeah. With presumably all her teeth even. And then you go outside in London and you're presented with a bunch of fat slags. Yeah, it's funny because, like, obviously, if you don't want guys picking the, uh, if you don't want guys supporting the other side, make it like a disgusting woman. Yeah. You know, just make it make her fat and ugly. Definitely don't put a fucking collar on her. Like the messaging is so crazy

But they know I don't know if they know I don't know if they know internally That that's just not true Like they are the fat ones Because they don't want to make it They don't want to make it look bad That they're putting a big fat woman

Right On the side they don't want you to take So they go overboard the other way And make her like extremely Sexually Suggestive Like yeah let's give her a collar And like let's make her really got So she's like an outsider

She really needs you right Isn't that great? That makes me fucking sick Because it was all like a boardroom full of yes people who were like Women A boardroom full of women Yeah we'll make this Fucking

Oh is this it? Pathways Press start Oh yeah Here it is instructions great Anyone can read this Scenario scenarios that require you to take action Uh huh

Was this the Welsh first version? What the fuck? The choices you make will determine the route your character takes. Okay. Oh, you get to pick which one? I guess that one. Oh, yeah. I thought they pulled this down.

Maybe I got it. Charlie was enjoying an online game with friends. Charlie had not long started attending a new college in East Riding. And they were so relieved to have made new friends having recently left school. Charlie has started browsing new games and websites that some of the new friends you Yeah, okay. Sometimes, though, the people on these websites say things that seem off, even slightly concerning. Someone on this website has encouraged Charlie to download a video, but Charlie is unsure.

How should Charlie react? Who is this for? Tell a trusted adult, talk to the stranger online to find out more about the video and download the video. Download the video, yeah. Let's see what this is all about. Charlie wanted to continue. The bad meter? It's so...

I feel like it's antagonistic on purpose. Like, why would you do this, man? When you were kids, were you like, you were the kids watching Dare and going, like, that's awesome. I can't wait to be an adult so I could make Dare stuff. Fucking weirdos. Really big weirdos. Yeah. It's just, I love the, like, imagined world.

Like, can you believe someone tried to get you to download a video? Like, wait, people download shit still? The overall message of the game is isolate yourself from others disregard researching into things and just accept what the government says and comply with their demands. Yeah, all right Visual novel blah blah blah blah blah blah Okay, here let's get re-centered on something I'm all out of it because of the Issues

Oh Here we go such a fucking joyous I think this is one of the few texts I've sent you recently Fat Con Marketplace Something Thickett comes this way

It was called Thickett too Like God damn it Look like one of the California fucking raisins over there Wait wait wait This is the one I wanted to find Man I'm out of it today Yeah

we missed the beer to time period ratio yeah man we really missed it we messed it up today I'm gonna have to fix it for next week oh here it is this is sent in by

obtuse Gnome this is a woman proposing at Disneyland gets down on one knee but there's a problem let's see here it explodes You are congratulations. There she goes.

She's down on one knee. Uh-oh. She's trying to get back up after the girl, after the other girl, the lesbian said yes. She can't make it, can she? Why do fat people always turn into babies, too? Like, it looks like a toddler with no motor skills trying to stand up for the first time. It's always just so, like, they revert instantly. Yeah.

Uh-uh-uh. Oh no, they cut out how she gets up. Ah, come on. We have a fire department. Didn't want to be named. Mickey Mouse drives around. Fucking fire department. The Disney fire department comes up.

Here's a special tool we're going to need later. They have a big, a big tarp for her. Oh, man. Okay. Here is autism Barbie. If there's headphones on an iPad, I'm going to lose it. It's Barbie.

Mattel, Inc. is introducing an autistic Barbie as the newest member of its line intended to celebrate diversity developed in partnerships with a non-profit organization that advocates for the rights and better media representation of people with autism. So it's like

it's like a Barbie with an iPad. The goal is The goal is to create a Barbie that reflected some of the ways autistic people may experience and process the world around them. Oh, does this Barbie get really fat and aggressive and then drool all over itself and then fucking destroy your whole house when you say no one? This is like I'm pretending to be autistic Barbie. The eyes of the new, the eyes of the new Barbie shift slightly to the side to represent how some people with autism sometimes avoid direct eye contact. is this a real thing the eyes are shifty like that

the Barbie doesn't make eye contact they're looking different like totally like fucking snail eyes well and that's what I hate so much too because oh what happened there all the autism fucking awareness is like

you can't tell that I'm autistic by the way you look your eyes are pointing the wrong way well yeah the doll was also given articulated elbows get the fuck of here. To acknowledge stemming and hand

flapping. So you got, so Barbie can go like this. Barbie can flap her arms and stim. She's got like a little fidget spinner that she can fucking stim. I need a dairious Barbie that can just stim in the closet all day. What else?

The doll was also given our, yeah, yeah, we saw that. And she's got headphones, obviously. and other gestures that some autistic people use to process sensory information or to express excitement, according to its own. They should have just drew like a ditto face on it. Pokemon. Yeah. It's just like two dots for eyes and a straight line for a mouth.

Like, oh, I see, you're the autistic one. Man, I don't even know what to go over today. I'm then. just read comments I have such a You have what? I brought something in that I know Will bring your spirits back up

What did you bring in? Your brain rat stuff? Yeah The bangor Is the one that I know God damn work I got to do now To resurrect this fucking shit Because of the clicking

I know But the bangor one I brought in just for you Really? Is it good? It's great Is it like wings Like

It's better There's nothing disgusting in it there's no bodily fluids no nothing no disgusting sounds well maybe one but are we gonna get Greenland did you see that Trump says he's gonna tariff everybody

good let's get it yeah that's great man I want that kind of energy like directed like internally though I want you know tariff everybody like right here I want those threats like right here

I want the mayor and the governor of California you know blackbacked yeah not not denmark i don't like that i like it i like the energy but i want to see it at home we got to take greenland and then send all the somalians there dude and then wall it all off it's just a sinked on it would be too nice send them back to somalia true a place they love so near and dear the um there's another there's another one of these like they're like jackass inspired journalists

like when we were doing or when I was 20 something if you were if you wanted to do anything you were doing like jackass stunts right stunts and bullshit basically stuff that's worthless and now now kids are doing

the most important journalism on the planet but it's still kind of jackass like they're going to the fraud has gotten so bad the fake shit has gotten so bad. The rot and the fraud has become so endemic that it's like it can only be treated in a jackass way. You can't, you couldn't send like Ted Cople or whatever, like a serious news broadcaster. You couldn't send to the Leering Center because it wouldn't, it would be, it wouldn't fit, right?

You've got to send a kid in a hoodie with some weird, weird old boomer there to take a down because they're going to spirk out and freak out and save retarded they're going to say the kind of retarded shit that a seasoned uh broadcaster cannot handle yeah but a zoomer can't because they know exactly they know what's coming they know they're like five years ahead right they know the racist shit's coming they're not phased by it um let me see if i got a video of that i got that that that uh that nick shirley guys just like i don't know if he saved it all up or what but he's got a lot of stuff. He's like,

hi, I'm Nick Shirley and welcome to Jackass. Yeah, it is like that. It's like, hi, I'm Nick Shirley and welcome to jackass. And today we're going to a Somali daycare. They say that somebody broke in and stole all their records. We're going to see about that. And it's just like brann-na-na-er.

Like, it's not serious. We know, we know we're getting, we know we're getting raped. I just want to see if some, I just want to see if one of them kill you. Yeah. Let's see. I want to see the fucking box, the giant boxing glove

come out of nowhere and fucking pipe a bunch of people. Yeah. And then their response is to come out in $2,000 sunglasses and say like, well, somebody broke in and got it, but he's going there to see, let's verify, let's just see how bad it is. And it's always just so much worse. Let me see if I got Somalian stuff. Somalian. Oh, what do you know? I do. Somalian's freaking out. I really don't know if, I don't know if we're getting fucked harder by the Somalians or

the Indians or you know who like it's the first time yeah it's the first time where yeah it's the first time

where I feel like oh okay I can finally we can see now who's who's fucking us for the first for like the first time it's great

it's rewarding just on that level. Like, oh yeah. I got a video of a guy who, the guy who went to the India Poop Festival. Oh yeah. And everybody lost their mind. He went to a town that is all Orthodox Jews. And they're

like, um, they're making like an ethno state. I'll play it after this. Oh, that one in New York, right? Yeah. I saw a little bit about that. Where they're the worst drivers on the planet. Yeah. Basically, I got to play that. It's so funny. Um, okay, here we go. Here's the Somalians freaking out on. We're not sacking. Because of fucking two people.

We're not sacking. Because of fucking 2,000 providers? Are you fucking mad? Are you stupid? I'm not stupid. You're stupid. You're a transportation company. It will be because of you.

Got him. If any Somali gets hurt in Minnesota, it's because of Nick, fucking Shirley. Like, where did they learn that? Where did the Somalian learn that? Yeah. If anybody gets hurt, it's because of you. Uh, yeah, we... Yeah.

That's sure, okay. Ew. This is about fraud. Every single Somali gets her. This is about fraud, sir. It's because of you sensationalizes. You son of a bitch, sensationalize this. Wow, you're very nice.

Very nice. Sir, can you tell me where the transportation is? We don't want you here. So people are driving around with like empty vans. Calm down, sir. Sir, this is about fraud. You want a cliques? You're sensationalizing yourself, sir.

You want it clicks? You're stationizing yourself. You wanted clicks? Tell me where the transportation is. You got YouTube clicks. Now get the fuck out of our community. Tell me where the transportation close. Tell me where the...

You stupid, racist, motherfucker. This is about fraud. Say I don't want Muslims here. Say it. All right, let me see the other one. Yeah, here we go. Was this the same one? Yeah, I think it is.

How about this one? What the fuck? Did I fuck up all my links today, too? Yeah, I guess so. All right, let me get the town. Here we go. Inside the town, that's 99% Hasidic Jews. One of the fastest growing towns in New York, some of the worst drivers in America.

Tyler Olivier. I have $500. Give me $2,000? I don't have $2,000. A bus cut him off and hit him in a business. This is Curious Joelle, a community of exclusively Hasidic Jews. That's one of the fastest growing towns in New York with possibly some of the worst drivers in America. Namanimously in favor for, look at this.

There's a carcson every five seconds. The driving out here is horrendous. I've only seen bad drivers though. You know why? Because we have so much. We have much. I mean... Do you see how it's like jackass?

They're just walking around being the most Jewish stereotype you could possibly be. Yeah. Trying to haggle you down from... running your car over with a bus, trying to haggle you down to 500 bucks. That's fucking insane. We're all too busy. That's why we were upset by driving.

We're getting nervous. No one can drive out here. What is this? What is this? What? It's a fucking idiot. And the school bus. What the fuck?

What is this driving? You're trying to kill us out here. No, we weren't. You need to learn how to drive. You're gonna get your kids killed there. That's a school bus. Damage right there. Two, three thousand dollars worth is my guess.

I have $500. You're like, I can give you. $500 for that? Look at this fucking guy. I have $500. I don't even know what that hat is. Like a Yamika baseball hat or something? It's got no brim.

It's like one of those jughead crowns. Yeah, he's wearing a jughead hat. And like Jewish like dread thing. Orthodox dread things. Rip in the butt. What an asshole. If someone's gonna stand there and be like, I gotta find her to leave it. I don't have two grand.

I'm putting that $500 for this. In your fucking eye. You can call the police that'll make a police report. Give me $2,000. I don't have $2,000. I don't have $2,000. If he would just call the police, get the police report and handle it through his insurance.

It doesn't pay. I need license and registration. He said he's going to give me $2,000. It's going to give me $2,000. He said he was originally asking. Look at this, another accident. Oh, my God. They cannot drive out of you.

How do we get out of this, man? Not peacefully. No. There's no... There's no way. All of these people hate America. Yeah, they fucking hate us. They really do.

Like, they actively... None of them... None of them have jobs. They're all getting like, it's like the most, it's like the poorest, on paper, poorest community in the country.

Right. They're all like under $13,000 of income. So they're all getting welfare up the ass. They were like, you know what? We'll force segregation with you guys and black people, but stay the fuck away from all of us. Yeah.

Yeah, really. There's like all these insular pockets. You know, you got like India. You got some, it's just like everybody. You got India putting up the Tosh.

Hall in Texas crying about that they're like the, they pay the most taxes but they're giving kickbacks to their hiring managers and shit. Their whole culture works with oh, I got a job, yeah, I give you 20% of my job, right? Like that's my salary,

so how much do I owe you? Like none, man, that's not a good system. That's a bad system. That's a fucking deal. And it feels like the dam's broken. And now it's every week. There's a new one of these enclave There's a new sleeper cell that's been building up over time.

I remember being in high school in San Diego, East County. Yeah. Just doing like, what the fuck are all these random-ass Ethiopian kids and families doing out here? Yeah. Who the fuck moves from wherever the fuck you are? Again, where you have supposed friends and family and you're so well connected. Then you come to fucking El Cajon, of all places, really? There's really too many now.

Yeah, and now it's at the point where I went from like, huh, that's weird. to like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you guys got to get out of here. You're doing, you're doing way too much fucked up shit. Way too much. There's zero compatibility with fucking Western, dude, I'll never forget, and stop me if I've told this one before, but. Yeah. There was three, there was all these, there's all these sects of, like, Ethiopian kids

at school. Yeah. I'll never forget, there was this one retarded black chick, you know, and she was like, you could tell she was slow. she looked the part, you know, no headphones or iPad back then, but you know. And she asked one of them one time at lunch, and I only

know this because I was within earshot standing behind them with, you know, with all my group of friends. Yeah. And she was like, hey, what's that shit on your head? And the three of them turned, jumped her so hard, and ripped her fucking hair so hard that it pulled off like a big ass chunk of her scalp. And so kids were like

swirling it around and throwing it in the crowd. And I'm just standing there like, fucking turning pale sick to my stomach. Like, yeah, right. What the fuck is going on here? Right behind me. So I'm trying to move out and everyone's like,

wants to see, they're all getting in, pushing me in again. I'm like, get me the fuck away from all these fucking, like maniacs, like true, just like there's no sense of like,

it's just only like instinct and revenge. It's such a weird, like, it's dangerous, really. Like, it's fucking corny as that is to say. It's like...

Yeah, it's dangerous. It's a real... They're so unpredictable. Meanwhile, we have... The Supreme Court is trying to figure out if men can play women's sports. Right. It's like, who fucking gets a shit? That's how Chungus everything got.

And it's like, no, no, no. We need to look at the real issues of... We got Star Trek full of fat women. Mm-hmm. And the Supreme Court talking about, well, let's figure... Let's really, you know, let's really dig in and see if men can... play women's sports. No. They can't. It's retarded.

If we're going to send everyone back home, send all the expats back here too. Because they're all like, oh, from all around. America, blah, blah, blah. That's why I live in Mexico where everything is cheap and I'm taking advantage. It's like, wait, so you're actively ruining someone else's shit because. Yeah, they don't like it. Yeah. And so it's funny. It's like, you know what? Bring them all back home and force them to be part of the thing they're running away from.

and then get everyone who doesn't belong here the fuck out of here and maybe some maybe we'll find some sort of appreciation from where we're from and where we should be living. You know what I got? You know those gummy vitamins I got?

Oh, how far are you? I finally got through one of them. I finally knocked out one of the gummy vitamins. Get the fuck out of here. How do you feel? And then I was almost, I felt bad. I hated every vitamin. And then I was almost done

with the other one. and I hear knock knock at the door my wife says you gotta you gotta pack I said what's what's from Amazon what are you buying you know trying to put the fear of God

into her for spending money she goes this one's for you I don't remember ordering anything give me that did you hit fucking subscribe I open it up more gummy vitamins I said I made that mistake once and I'm like

now I have so many fucking toothpaste. At one point we had like six feet of paper towels in the garage because the subscribe thing is all fucked up. Yeah. Like it doesn't work at all. Well it's bullshit too because on top of that then they're like, okay what's the cheapest

option they're like we'll subscribe. I'm like okay subscribe and then cancel and then it's like just kidding we're going to keep sending you this shit. It's like hey. Subscribe. Do you want to buy paper towels? Yeah. If you subscribe you save a dollar and your first paper towels get there in a month and a half like well why don't you you

you gotta do it now. I want it now. Cancelling a gym membership. So, I open it up and it's gummy vitamins and I go, oh, no, I feel sick already at the thought of eating gummy vitamins.

Well, they're making you sick. They're making me sick. You give me diabetes. So then I'm like, fuck this. I'm never fought for anything in my life. I'm going to put my foot down on this. I go on their thing or whatever. And I said, refund.

It says not available for a refund. I'm like, ah, no, fuck that. I'm gonna do it the Somali way So I go to the chat person You know I open up to live chat and I'm like hey I gotta I tried to you know Cancel this subscription and they sent me Somebody pissed all over it and it sucks

I gotta get a refund for these vitamins A guy says really I said yeah really Because I'm like I don't want to eat I do not want to eat Someone smeared dog shit all over What am I supposed to do? This dog shit all over

So the guy waits a minute He goes yeah oh okay we'll give you a refund and I said awesome thanks and I get the email and it says

your refund has been processed you don't need to send the item back I said no now I gotta now I gotta eat it I still gotta eat them now because I'm not gonna buy new regular vitamin

just to waste them yeah even though you did get your money back still it's still a waste it's still the same it's still a fucking well they wasted your time so if you don't eat a single one

So Verizon goes down And then I found that 45 to 65% of the Verizon code Is written by Indian foreigners Let me see if I have that right What happened to the shit being programmed In Cobal and Fortran We're just boomers

Psychotic boomers doing this shit Dude I don't even know like I don't even know where the ground is anymore We've got jackass style reporting Of Somalis Orthodox Jews Like we've got jackass style

Reportings of Of I don't know Ethno Ethno states Inside of America That just despise white people Yeah I call it an F no state I don't know where the ground is anymore

Like what is the only way to get The only way to get through this There's no way around this There's no way to make the country better without fully embracing just being a racist. Like you can't say, you can't say, you can't figure out the problem of the Somaliant shit without just saying like, you know what, fuck it,

I'm a racist. Yeah, get rid of them. Like, there's not a middle ground. There's no, like, well, you know, I guess we should, I guess we should really arrest and investigate and put our top men in our crime lab on figuring out exactly how many of these 80,000 people were involved in the $100 billion fraud.

That's not possible. It never has been possible. You know what just hit me is we all got to start mowing our own lawns again. Because when you go... I wish I could go back to when Mexicans were the problem. You know, let's deport these Mexicans. Yeah, these fucking Mexicans. I was really driving up...

Italians were the problem. Pre-Mexicans even. Yeah. Italians, they're great. Who cares? But think about it. I need like a new patch. For every different version of people we find that are fucking us over, I'm like, I, uh...

Yeah, I survived a great now. I don't know what's going on with this town. But do think about it, right? You drive anywhere on the weekend or even a weekday, and you see a bunch of Mexicans pushing lawnmowers. But in, I distinctly recall in the 90s, and for sure the two, When I was big enough to push a lawn mower and my dad was like, guess what, motherfucker? You mowing the lawn?

You're picking up this tradition now. My nephew mows the lawn. I was like, huh? Well, because Pete, you need the optics of a white guy out front taking care of his property is what you need. Yeah. When you see a brown guy taking someone... We need optics. The ice optics are really bad.

Even though I saw today, I saw today a bunch of these fat lesbians. When did lesbians get so fucking fat, dude? I haven't seen too hot lesbians. maybe I've seen one pair of hot lesbians in like in like six years that always confused me too because it's like if you hate men so much why would you date what looks like the worst kind of male yeah you did you're dating that looks like a man it's like a garbage man that you're dating you've claimed to want a heavy read a heavy lifter but got a heavy World Warcraft player like it's a whole don't you

want to like be really hot so you're unattainable for us I'd really hate that man would really hate if you were so hot and Wouldn't that be the worst? Fucking scissoring. We would really hate that. But this? No, thank you. I don't think, I would like to, you know, I don't think you have a choice, right?

We got all the folders drinking lesbians now, not like the cool ones. And then, I saw that L.A. is giving the street vendors, like new health code compliant carts. They're buying them all, like, fruit carts. I'm so fucking glad I pay taxes, man. I'm so glad. That's what it was. I was writing, I was paying my fucking taxes.

And I'm like watching all these, watching these Somalians, you know, do the jackass reporting stuff. I'm like, this is like, this is so humiliating, man. I just,

I don't, I don't fucking care anymore. There was a point, I can remember there being a point where I really kind of, I really had some attachment toward like, oh man,

like when Nick Fuentes first started, and they're like, oh, he's, you know, he's saying, he's saying Hitler's awesome and he's, praising these guys.

And I'm like, whoa, wow, that's rough. You know, you can't say, you can't say racist stuff. But now I'm like, I'm writing this check for taxes. I'm like, who gives a fuck? Yeah. Anymore. I, it's at that point where I'm like, what else can you take from me aside from my very last breath?

A little bit more. Yeah. What do I have to put, like, move the comma over? Oh, yeah. Well, I don't have that much. Yeah. Jokes on me, I guess. Fuck.

Yeah. What do you got some new kind of enclave that's popping? up. You got like new super Somalians. They got like a fucking antenna coming out of their heads like Pickman and they're fucking they're raping me somehow. Where's the rapes happening? And why isn't it? We should take

all the insane rapists from prison and send them to Somalian communities only to rape them and they will go back to prison forever if they are not raping. They'll figure out some way to scam it. That's a way. Well that's the thing is I don't think some light bulb head ass

motherfucker figured that out. I think someone was fed information over the years There's no way in fuck You get everyone who lives out here that doesn't know how to fucking scam that hard You're telling me that? Free carts Yeah free cards Mexicans Mexican street vendors are getting free

Free fucking carts They're little the fruits you know they cut up fruits Or whatever I better get folic acid in every fruit cup I get I want extra folic acid in the tortillas now I was pissed about that but now I want Acid acid in the tortillas Fucking hydrochloric acid

in the tortillas. A total estimate of 45 to 65% of Verizon's coding work is performed by Indian foreign nationals. It doesn't fucking work. This is conservative as offshoring has accelerated. Lay off something enhancing reduced rolls. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. January 14th, Verizon experience

to white spread network outage. The disrupted wireless voice, text messaging, in my oh i didn't realize de wali was in january too yeah nothing fucking works anymore dude that was the thing right was like the whole like oh they don't make them like they used to it i hated hearing that when i was a kid yeah because it was dumb old shit's better huh and then the further we've gotten i'm like wait a second i have some 1930s shit at home that still works every time i use it yeah like what do you mean this this 100-year-old thing is still

you plug it in, it works, sounds great. It was great in the 90s. Well, dude, well that thing is in the 90s, then all the cool tech from the 60s is just getting old enough to be cool again, but still sounds like all this bullshit. And then you get modern audio companies and they're like,

here's these shitty Chinese tubes. Here's all this I-C bullshit. It's like, just make something that was meant to fucking last finally. Fuck. ADL, Jonathan Greenblatt says every anti-Semitism complaint filed with the ADL is now immediately scanned by their AI systems to see if there's a litigation opportunity. So the Jews have a lawsuit machine.

You can't even read it. We got a lawsuit machine. Team Rocket blasting off of the speed of light, man. To see if there's a litigation opportunity that they can forward to their network of some 50,000 lawyers. Only 50,000? Yeah, I know. Color me surprised. Why only 50,000?

Yeah, I thought it would be at least 6 million. Last year in partnership with Gibson Dunn, we created something called the Legal Action Network. Oh, okay. Greenblatt tells a gathering at a synagogue in L.A. Who to thunk it? Where else would it be? We've assembled 50 of the top law firms in the U.S. To create a pro bono coterie of literally like 50,000 lawyers.

And they got their AI, their Jewish AI system that's going to analyze your tweets. If you've said anything, man. At this point, I almost welcome it. That's funny. The rapes come from every which way. And there's me, the ultimate sucker writing a fucking check to the government. Again. Yeah. Look at how much better AI has made our lives.

Yeah, not one person has ever said that. Look at how awesome everything is because of AI. Mm-hmm. I found out that Elon Musk, like, they're always bragging about how Grock was this big achievement to get it done so fast. Like, they're like, Elon Musk, he really fucking, he really is a wizard with AI, right? Like, well, it's just a bunch of equipment that he buy. What do you mean he's a wizard? And then I found out that the reason he got it done so fast

was because he put all the power generators for his AI farm to get around like zoning laws. He put them on trailers so they were mobile. So there was like there was carve outs for power generators for like concerts and stuff. Yeah. Obviously that he ruined. Yeah.

So he's put a bunch of deep. diesel generators or gas generators on trailers to power his AI colossus computing thing in a black neighborhood where the cancer rates were already like four times the national average. You could have just done it in

fucking West Virginia where all the coal miners are like... It's not even like remotely. You mean Mr. Batteries is using fucking diesel power to fund this, to power all this shit? So now

Greenblatt says, so now when you enter in an incident at the ADL, it instantly gets evaluated by our AI systems. They should have come up with a different word for AI. Some more like Yiddish kind of word. Yeah.

Is there a litigation opportunity? And we feed it to the lawyers to evaluate and to find someone to take the case. Today on Jackass, we're going to talk to the ADL who is a lawsuit machine. We're going to sue the whole world. They are going to sue the world

Yeah That is fucking crazy Yeah It is Okay let's see Snap stuff This is so funny Alright

Let's see that This is so funny I bet it has to do with the woman This is so funny Nope Holy shit Oh yeah Man

It's a woman who says man posts about IQ With a mathematically impossible graph Women really hate the IQ stuff People seem to think that a greater male variance Is a lot more dramatic than it is Empirically the variance ratio is about 1.16 Resulting in the sexes having IQs Okay so this is the IQ spread

It's like It's like 50 men versus women It's like 50-50 100 IQ And then as it goes to the left of the right as you go higher IQ or lower IQ, there's more men. So at like, what does it say it? 160, it's 75% men and 25% women. And at 40, that's really retarded.

Right? What are you some kind of turbo retard? That's real. That's really retarded. Same thing, 75% men, 25% woman. That makes sense, right? That graph, obviously. Well, as two men.

Yeah, I didn't need to... Yeah, it's pretty much like, yeah. Pink one smaller, blue one bigger in all the right era. Cool, make sense. She says, man posts about IQ with a mathematically impossible graph. There's so many scams happening. I forgot about women. You know?

How much they fuck up. Women just be doing this kind of shit. Yeah. I mean, shopping, yes. But they also... be doing you got no idea what you're talking about it's that very checkmate atheist like

mic drop like this'll get them it's like daffy duck putting fingers in the dam so the holes are popping up like all right oh yeah there's just we're sticking the shotgun in the hole and it comes out right in his fucking eyes yeah

man posts about okay it does make sense I don't know I love the clown emoji too she really got him with that one she's a doctor how about that doctor bitch

um all right smallings he's freaking keith or sutherland has been arrested for saying to an uber driver pull over

or I'll kill you I've been there that's like a the least concerning thing they don't speak English how are you supposed to communicate that pull over or I will fucking kill you

perfect Mandarin was what it was oh he said it a Mandarin yeah But like astonishingly God damn dude Have you taken an Uber recently I have

It is like you get in there and it's like Why is your map in Chinese Dude I saw it all in Tagalog And then heard fucking Filipino Christian music The whole drive And that five minute ride

Felt like five eternity Yeah Fuck Okay one right wing Protester takes on eight liberals Let's see Here we go So this is

Oh I got a furry thing too Yeah, yeah, dumb questions Let's see here So this guy is at a protest And they're blaring a megaphone Right into his fucking ear All right That's assault, brother

Come on, where's the snap? What's it like? The guy with the American flag finally gets pissed and uppercuts, the guy blaring a megaphone in his ears. Like right in his ears. And then he takes out

the next guy. All right. And then he takes out another guy. A running punch. Who's next? Someone's blowing a rape whistle. They're running at him one by one. Okay.

This guy's getting ready to get his clock cleaned. Get his ticket punched Slumped. Slumped. That guy seemed like he was walking with some authority, didn't it? Stomping over?

That last guy? He was getting ready to give him a piece of his mind so everyone can clap. And then he got laid out instantly. And then nobody claps. Hey, guys, guys, guys. God, damn. Hey, guys, guys, guys. Well, we can all be reasonable.

Stop messing with that guy. What a fuck They all had to get so brave Like ooh now if there's 30 of us We can do this Uh hey dick This is from Sense New wife story just dropped

Wife cooked some beef stew With bone and meat As we're making portions I noticed there's no meat Okay Maybe like one sixth of a pound Out of over a pound of beef So there's no meat in the beef stew

Spawn I look in the trash can I see all the beef on the bones. She was trying to remove. She threw almost every piece of beef in the trash. I thought it was fat attached to the bones. I thought the beef had melted. So she's making beef stew,

and she thought the beef melted and that the beef on the end of them. David Friesner says, they made shows about women being swept off their feet by billionaires illegal in China, specifically because of people like the smoke sesh girl thinking it will happen to her. Yeah.

That's right, yeah. I could see that. No Saj, no Gratab. Probably a bad word. The Honda No Pilot might be the best joke I've heard this week. Yeah, that was funny. That was a great episode. God, Royce was great.

The Lokes. The next TDS bonus show should be reviewing Vito's Collins Show. It disappeared. The Collins Show disappeared. Definitely not. Nick says, I don't get angry very often, but listening to this smoke-sess chick makes me absolutely irate

bang zoom straight to the moon she was very frustrating yeah he's terrible not cut the grass sends this all right let's see here not cut the grass

yeah uh hey dick find this kid and send him to Vito's place it's a kid that's just destroyed a bunch of toys hmm it's not so bad it's not sure all right

thank you Zach says a bad word Shohorn Royce being on to riff about ice Is peak patriotic American Cuban It is Anything happen with that ice thing That guy got internal injuries Guy that got hit

Well he was right Fucking bitch He got internal injuries and everyone's response It's like oh fuck you Are you guys like Have you guys ever been hit by a car? It hurts It fucks you up

They're big Yeah. Yeah. It's hard to go from zero to anything instantly. Keckspon says, hey, check this out. Why Young Women Moved Left while Young Men Stayed Sane. Okay. Let's see here.

Kexpon. This is an article. Why young women moved left while young men stayed sane. Uh-oh. as an intro. Bill Ackman, quote, tweeted a graph showing the partisan gap between young men and women almost doubled in 25 years. Okay? Let's see that.

Oh, yeah, the partisan gap between young men and women almost doubled in 25 years. Yeah, this is 2000, slightly before 2000. 1995. There was a 12-point gap. Yeah, that seems about right. Back when I was in high school, it wasn't like a, it wasn't crazy. Everyone just kind of understood like, yeah, women are a little bit more like retarded. Yeah, I remember even being in school just being like, oh yeah, it's just like an awareness versus like a necessary thing.

And you wouldn't really find like every once in a while there would be a crazy one. Most of the women were just like we should feed the homeless and. Yeah. like just innocent things it was fringe at the time yeah there would be a couple that are like oh these corporations are doing censorship you're like all right i don't i don't i don't know if that's happening i don't know if that's happening like you say it's happening and then it looks like over the years uh men were plus men were plus 10% conservative over the years it's gone women were about even

until 2013 and then women have rocketed up to be plus 20% liberal wow and men are still right at about

plus 5% conservative so men are exactly the same yeah men haven't changed it all in 20, 30 years men haven't changed and women have gone from 3% more liberal

to 23% more liberal I don't think the gap is double This is like This is like 10 times more liberal If you look at the graph Like women here They're not they're They were about even

And now they're just insanely liberal Hmm Okay Well what's the reason Women of America Yeah blah blah Good question Most answers I've seen

are either tribal, women are emotional, or surface level social media bad, neither faces the actual mechanism. Let me try. First notice that Wayne pointed out something. We've been told for a decade

that men are radicalizing to their right, and that, this is dangerous. The actual data shows the opposite. Men barely moved. Women moved 20 points leftward. The story we're told is exactly inverted from reality, and we're okay, get to the fucking point.

This isn't just America. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. South Korea, blah, blah, blah, the substrate. Start with biological hardware. Women evolved in environments where social exclusion carried enormous survival costs. Oh, man. I... That a woman fucking write this?

That's a lot of fucking words to try and make a point. Yeah, they need money. Yeah. Women need money. That's why. And they can't get it, and men can't get it anymore. Mm-hmm. you got Indians getting dumped on our heads

Somalians taking random lottery tickets just cashing in moving billions of dollars in cash through the airports and there's fucking nothing we can do about it there's no way for them to get money isn't it it's just

I mean the woman that got shot is fighting for her ability to work so that some and send her kid to daycare so that some fucking Somali community can just send barrels of cash back to Somalia. It's sickening. It is sickening. It really feels like for the first time maybe everybody sees how pointless paying taxes are.

That it's not a, we're not paying for health care. We're not paying for the military. There's nothing for us. We're just giving money to fraudsters and con artists so that they can buy out. that we deserve. Yeah, who'd fucking do all the way. And we can sit in rental units. I know.

I don't know. This is like a lot of graphs. This shows up in personality research. I don't know. Why do you think women are liberal? Young women have gotten so liberal. Well, it goes back to the retarded thing, right? You know, I have no further explanation.

It's just like they're easy to get conned into things, right? And so when you have one, when you have like a... They're really stubborn too. Yeah, or like a fucking Gloria Steinem was like, actually we should have it just as hard as everyone else. And then they fuck it all up for one and then, you know, now we have this big... They don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

No. Ever. I've never, and the more complicated it gets, like the more new information that gets thrown out, the dumber conclusions they're drawing from it. Well, and it's always like a very, simple like well it always starts off simple of just like yeah we want fair treatment for people like okay that makes sense then it's like yeah well and now i hope something worse happens to you

because i hate my dad and it's like well like hang on like i thought you wanted just like a like a some middle ground here but it turns out you're just you're just as you're more fucked than the people who were just like hey i'm fucked yeah um there's i saw an ice guy who was getting blocked by protesters and he said, I'm here to take out a child molester, by the way. I'm here to take out an illegal who's was found guilty of like being a fucking child molester. That's who you guys are stopping me from taking out on. It's this blind like, but we got to do this and it's like yeah, your your good nature is being used against you and the sooner you realize that the better. Yeah. Yeah, it really is. Information overload.

well and again like i always try to like remind myself and like do people around me too like we're not supposed to have this much worldwide information at our fingertips every fucking second of the day no that's bad it was like um you know like imagine like central america trying to take power with all the different pyramid building peoples right then it's like if they just had phones like oh yeah well here's a message in two seconds to tell you to go fuck yourself like oh yeah well i'm going to send a million guys like no like things took time and then when shit would go down it's like

yeah only the couple people involved you like it's not like can you believe this border war happened and this and this which by the way like don't be surprised that it's still going on there's there was never some sort of like hey you know what everyone on earth we all got the correct amount of land we need we're all good here like it's like no it's all it's all just was like this far removal from what we really are to like you know it's all just fucking disguises and it sickens me

yeah like just be a big piece of shit yeah what's the point of what's the point of doing any of it if you're if your end goal is just to uh work so you can send your kid to a a warehouse yeah for daycare there's no fucking point

well it's like for them to to There's no point for them and there's no way to get out of that Like there's no way Yeah There's no way a regular woman can Uh Figure out what's going on in her mind and her emotions

And some and like somehow Just be able to Raise a family Because all the All of the All the money that you need to just be home and be a single mom Is being raped in taxes To give

To scam artists like there's no way other without without all this fraud and shit like without the Somalians and without all the Medicare shit without all this fraud it would be

uh no taxes um on income below $500,000 and like you know so and everyone would have like four times more all hourly wages would be like four times more than they are

without all this without outsourcing without illegal immigration without all the shit. Everyone would be rich as hell. Women could just stay home. They could just stay home. Even if they didn't have a family, they could just stay home. They don't, they don't have to do anything. I mean, they don't, there's no reason why, there's no reason why millions of women should be going to office buildings and like playing dress up every day. They don't do anything. They don't, they just go there and send emails back and forth. They could do that at home. They could,

what the hell is that? They could do that, like, they could do that setting up church picnics or whatever. Well, that's what I mean It's like All these assholes Got it in their heads All these years ago Like actually no you do need to work You got to bail in

But you can't Right You can't That's the point You can't Just like the Somalis They can't participate In the country

This is the only thing They could do That's why they all Do it as a community Because like well We got no We got nothing else to do We got nothing else to do

We got nothing else to offer. I don't know I think all this shit Like the The smartphone phone and all this information stuff. It's, it doesn't help,

but the real problem is money. Like all this, all this social media stuff, all this brainwashing stuff, all this being them being retarded, is really, it doesn't hold up to just the simple fact of like, well, do you want,

are you able to get money or not? Yeah. And it's no. So, okay, so you better get extremely liberal and get the government to do it. It better be somebody else's fault. These goddamn guys aren't.

giving me money. Yeah. And I deserve it. Like, we don't have any fucking money either. Uh, okay. Jokes on you, bitch. We've got no money either. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, they just can't work like us. Like, women don't have it in them to work the same as men. And the, and the, the, the, the, jobs aren't set up like that anymore. Right. I could work all fucking day. I love it.

I have to work all day sometimes. They don't like it. They don't like that. You got, they need a fucking spa day if that happens to them. No, you got to, you got to,

that's the grind right there. It should be enough. Guys, men should have enough money. So all the women's neuroses and whatever are just blown away. Right? Like, look at me. I can eat a whole fucking pizza and I could work,

I could work eight days a week. And I'm not, I actually enjoy it. I don't, this was the, this was the greatest, that was the greatest 12-hour day in my life, right? Yep.

You don't let women don't work like that They shouldn't They shouldn't be trying to either It's the being in the middle It's fucked it up But that was destroyed by plutocrats Chris Krimer I was watching his morning show last week

Where he played a video of some African woman who was given a giant egg To cook She proceeded to break it open And cook it on hot sand Oh okay People like that have no business In any end

I don't know about that Uh Obtuscanome Okay Let's see here obtuscanome Oh, you sent me that We already watched that book

Yeah Thank you Diego Dix should get a third co-host and kill the show A third... Oh, you're talking about the biggest problem Cameron M.

I would rather listen to A thousand hours of a gay furry podcast Then look at smoke sessions View Count Her being any Popular Her being any popular Would be more damage

Sorry Buttfucker Jones Best guest Since that guy Who painted the Federal Reserve on fire. Brad McFly, official request for Royce and Weight Watchers. Yeah, we've got to do that. Uh, Admiral

Fuckface says a link. Okay. Admiral Fuckface Do you. Attractive men are more likely to be in a relationship own a home. Use slack and skateboard.

Attractive women are more likely to be LGBT have divorced parents, question mark. Our only child are runners and do not believe in astrology. Oh, okay. What is this based on? 2006 update.

Is this like a survey? Oh, yeah, it's a survey. Okay. So the survey is most attractive men's traits in a relationship. That's what women say is most attractive to them. Yeah, I believe that. Believes in astrology. We're still doing that?

I'm still doing astrology? It's worked all these years, man. Why would... Why is that? Why would that be? Because it's something that they do. That's it. If he shows even the slightest interest in something that I do and I don't do anything.

So that's the only thing that he could show interest in. They're not into... They're not building computers. They're not into music. They're not into... You know, it's just... The only thing women are interested in, their only hobbies are self-help and astrology, a therapy.

So if you're into therapy or astrology, that's basically, you know, that's all their hobbies. So that's what they're looking for. Well, you'd think with all the self-help and therapy they immersed themselves in that, like, some of it somewhere might work a little bit. I would think they would be crazier than hell. Homeowner. Okay. Slack?

Why the fuck would they be into Slack? Well, because it's, what do you use in HR departments, right? To all message each other to get for lunch that day? Like, soft-boiled eggs. Hip-hop music? You like a motherfucker walking around your house blasting Gucci-Maine, farting it up all day? Yeah, I don't think so. I'm sure they love that.

Yeah, what kind of hip-hop music? Like, if I'm playing 3-6 mafia at obscene levels at, like, 7 a.m., like... A parent? That's what they like. Skateboarding. Short hair. Yeah, fuck you, bitch. Okay, let's see what... Most attractive women's traits.

Oh, this is what people answered themselves in the surveys? I don't know, man. You gotta explain more of this. LGBT... Okay, that makes sense. Parents are separated. Huh. Only child?

Volleyball. Clean freak. Table tennis, running. Yeah, I believe that. Shopping in a relationship. Don't believe in astrology. What is the methodology of this fuckface? What are you telling me here? Attractive men are more likely to be in a relationship on a home. Use slack.

Attractive women are more likely to be LGBT. Have divorced parents. Our only child's... Oh. This is just like a survey that guy did? State of digital nomads. All right. Fucking retarded.

Fox Foley. In the course of a month, my entire YouTube feed is become AI Slop Fest. Turns out I'm not the only one. Oh, all right. More than 20% of videos shown to new YouTube users are AI Slop. Study finds. Low quality AI generated content is now saturating social media and generating about

$100 million a year data shows. And then there's a picture of a cat getting arrested by two cops. An AI picture of a cat getting arrested by two cops. and this is what they need the data centers for yeah that's why you can't buy RAM anymore everybody because of this

so you can see videos of cats getting arrested and fat women falling through the planet and so the ADL can send they've got some sort of an AI lawyer an AI Jewish lawyer that's analyzing everything you tweet so they can sue you

Like you can't just imagine like a fat lady falling through the whole earth like that God damn We need the other side of that They can't they can't limit us If the ADL is going to use AI to sue you We need to be able to build Racist AIs You know

We need Mecca Hitler To respond to this in cyberspace Yeah take down the Like we need AI to start attracting lawsuits away from us. Oh, right. You can't sue an AI. I mean, they could, but...

Yeah, it's not with an eye. That's not... Realm of... It's not going to be as easy. Expertise. Okay. M.F. Surup, something. Chad GBT was asked to generate a family

for a lesbian couple. Oh, okay. Probably nice. Here's the lesbian couple. All right, we got a A woman who's dressed up like a little skater guy Okay, and then They Made a nice handsome man behind the woman

And the other The lesbian wearing cross colors jorts Is one of their kids, I guess And there's another little kid in there Well, how's the AI supposed to know Well, yeah You know these prediction models, you know I got whole teams working around the clock

to try to stop this. That That's just embarrassing. Knopf says, Royce's transformation to fat to ripped is insane. I agree. Okay, let me get it.

It's been too long already. It's fast news. I feel like I get kicked by a mule today. This fucking sucks. Really fucking sucks. It really fucking sucks. I had a cool guy calling in. I know.

And nothing fucking works, man. And now I got to take a whole day and re- and fucking re-format something or do something? I don't know, man. She eats ice chips. What the hell is this bitch doing? What she did they, man?

This is from Brandon. She eats ice chips. Every day. And now she's finally showing how she makes them. Y'all think y'all have ice addiction. I don't just eat soft ice nugget ice. I make ice. What the hell is that? She eats ice chips. And now she's finally showing how she makes them.

Y'all think y'all have an ice addiction. I don't just eat soft ice nugget ice. What is it? She eats chicken McNugget ice. She eats fucking filet mignon ice. Tell me I'm going to see that fat lady proposing at Disneyland again. Yes again. Thank you.

I'll watch it again. I don't know. Head her with a congratulations. Something went wrong. See, I wanted to interview that guy for a long time, but I don't have him. Fat Con fashion. Oh, baby. What do we got here?

Ooh, to Lally. Gali, what a day. You can't be a fat person wearing cow print anything. They're taking it back, though. When was FatCon? Is it right now? All right. I'll log in. Fat cow fashion. Okay, okay, okay.

No, no, nothing. Nothing? Oh, the speaker's up top. Okay. I like click on it. There we go. Day two of the Fat Con. Jesus.

Oh my God. Look at these. The candles are a big fat woman. With huge tids. You can get a fat woman candle with gigantic tids. Who modeled that? Yeah. Which one of them is that supposed to be?

Which one of them modeled this shit? see you tonight they're enjoying themselves out there at FatCon okay what else you got this guy oh it's a lady of course how stupid of me

Hi everyone it's Tamara Lemise your favorite social media director of Napa the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance and we're here live at Napa on 2026 in Seattle Washington opening ceremonies is just about to start so I will We'll tune in with you soon.

Welcome fatties. See, I make that PowerPoint. I get sent to the principal's office. All right. I don't want to watch that anymore. Okay, let's do voicemails and then do Johnny's brain rob. We at least have to do the very last one. Man, this was...

I'm out of it. This was bad. This was bad. This was bad. This was bad. Maybe you should be... Big. Skip a week or something.

Skip. Skip. All right. Here we go. Oh, my God. My son's going fucking crazy. Hey, Dick, hey, Johnny. You know what makes me a rage is

Farmers Market eggs. Yes. Specifically, my wife has been requiring that we get our eggs from the farmer's market for the last month and a half, and I thought it was the stupidest fucking thing.

It's just fucking eggs. Who cares? It's eggs. But they genuinely, They genuinely taste way better than any grocery store egg. They do? If you get the fancier grocery store eggs, organic, whatever the fuck, they really don't taste as good.

They have to be farmers market eggs for $10 a fucking guzzas. No way. Fuck that. They just, they really are unbeatable and it's fucking bullshit. Why are they so much better than regular eggs? How much better can an egg taste? What the yolk tastes that good? Well, so it's more of like a pronounced egg flavor, but part of it's more of a pronounced egg flavor,

but part of it too. Big flavor. You have to watch out when you get those fresh ass eggs if you're trying to bake anything. Yeah.

Anything you bake will just taste like fucking eggs. Well, because like all the eggs you get from the grocery store have been around for months

Yeah. So they lose all like the sulfur. They lose the eggness of them? Oh, okay. All right. But yeah.

So I made that mistake made brownies one time. Tasted like fucking scrambled eggs. And I was like that's so crazy. Like I don't remember making chocolate eggs.

like fuck hey dick johnny black ass bravid here holy spirit is speaking through me uh i think i just dodged a fucking bullet well two of them actually um it's pulling into my local uh you know cell 11 uh and this woman gets in and this tiny woman gets into this giant fucking truck with big ass tires in the driver's seat oh thank god she's leaving before i am uh hopefully she's going a complete opposite direction. I go in, get my stuff, I know if I'm coming out, I see another woman,

and not equally big, but I don't like... What the fuck? It took her three attempts to pull up to the fucking proper spot to stop. She noticed she was too far back, then she pulls up a little bit, and she pulls up a little bit more.

Yeah, get out and check it out, you know. It's a fucking, uh, a little pile on. Anywhole, thank you, it's like three attempts. Smoochie for show. Stick the landing, get out. Oh, I got a little more room there. No, you got an undercover brother when you park.

Just pull in and hop out. Fuck the rest, yeah. This is like the entire Coliseum is like screaming and jeering. Like, we want Vito's blood, you know? And you just go like, oh, thumbs up. I'm going to keep it. It really... I mean, not everyone wants...

Not everyone wants to be those guys. It actually would have been way funnier to cancel it. Yeah. And then have like a whole like goss, like saga. No, there's not going to be any lawsuit saga too. It would just be over. But no. That would just be the end.

Some shitty problems. There's. And no goss. I mean, this, this whole show was basically like you were like, you know, the pizza guy, like serving up the hot goss. And now it's just, you're complaining about wind. There's no goss. And like, it's just Vito.

He's just an idiot. What the fuck, man? You said you have infinite capacity to fight retards. There's no fighting, though. It's just like the show's over. That's it. There's not. Dump to you.

Fucking Vito. I look. There's nothing to fight. I just, you know, I just think it would have been more funny. You know, I want a new retards to like, you know, a new saga. We had Maddox. And in July, had Riley,

and now there's nothing. There's nothing. Well, you gotta wait, man. You gotta wait. You can't force everything. You can't just start fighting and being stupid and, you know, shooting yourself in the foot and making enemies where it's not necessary. Day one of the old biggest problem,

patriotic subscribers. A lot of people, a lot of people wanted the biggest problem to end as like a fuck you to Vito. But, you know, He said he didn't mean to say He said he meant to say yes So okay, he meant to say yes, that's fine People forget, man

Still his show You know Instead of running down and getting one cow You can walk down and get them all Everyone was very engaged, you know It just takes time man But that's But there's not going to be any kind of like

Recreation or whatever You guys are that's crazy the reconstruction period that's crazy there's not like a new oh this is going to be a new enemy if you start thinking

if you start thinking of life in terms like there's going to be a new enemy and I've got to do this you're like you're no better than the fucking Reddit mod that's the you're like thinking in terms of like a character of a

yeah of like a WWF wrestler guy it's like totally insane You're a half step away from calling someone kid Mid argument You're out of your league, kid That kind of fucking look This is gonna be the new Goss Like there's no there's no goss

That's not that's a thing First of all that's the thing I made up So I'll let you know When there's new The only reason there was ever any goss In the first place on this show Is schismatics acted like a fucking huge asshole Yeah

As soon as the show was done He started doing duplicitous his shit lying and stealing shit and he was a fucking monumental weirdo. He was a weirdo the whole time we had a show and he hit it. He acted like he was a

big smart guy the whole time. Vito's been an idiot on the show. He's not hiding jacking off his cat and shit. Okay? That everyone, he confessed proudly to using a Q-tip to masturbate his fucking cat. There's no goss

that tops that. If Maddox had jacked off his cat, he wouldn't have said it on the show and I would have said it years later in, you know, in passing to fuck with him. There's a big difference. Yeah, at least Vito would understand why he got called a few words if you fucked ass fucked someone at a water fountain. Vito just gets, he fucks up. He gets like all excited, you know, it fucks up. I don't know any other way to explain it. I don't know why you don't just say yes, I'll give up mod privileges. Who gives a fuck about moderating. Yeah, why take all that extra work upon

my himself? It's like been it's been like 10 years of anytime anything happens, anytime anything negative happens or anytime any kind of interpersonal drama happens, it's what you just want a pneumatics. Like, man, I don't know what that, I don't know what that means.

Because I knew that guy a long time. What that means. And he was really, he was a really fucked up weirdo. And he really desperately tried to look like a smart guy. And he'd he went way way over the top trying to look way smarter than he was

and uh then he did a bunch of evil then he did a bunch of like nasty shit and he's still doing nasty shit he's still fucking Vito's not making any three hour copium Vito's not suing anybody

okay Vito's doing Magic the Gathering selling Magic the Gathering he's stealing Pokemon cards he's doing bad stuff He's saying, I'm doing bad stuff when he's doing bad stuff. He just bans people too much.

Like, he's just got, he just gets too up his own ass about, like, treat me with respect. But that's not the same. That's not the same as... Same, yeah. That's not the same as, like, calling people's jobs and going...

Maddox was a fucking bad guy. He's still a bad guy. Eric Charles is a bad guy. Eric shallize a bad guy as well. Probably not as much. You know, there's other bad guys, but Vito's not, he's Vito's not a bad guy, just a fucking idiot. And I don't know why.

That's the craziest part. That's what's more, that's what makes Vito interesting. Like, I got to figure out, you know, you got more, he's got more comedy in him. Maddox doesn't have any more comedy in him. There's another big difference. He's tapped out. He's that well has been dry. Yeah, he's done.

He stopped, Maddox stopped listening to the world a long time ago. He's got nothing new to say because he stopped listening. Vito's out there every day trying to argue online about, you know, ice protesters and just totally retarded shit. Like, you don't like Somalians, man. What are you talking about? You don't like any of these motherfuckers? What the fuck are you talking about? Do you more more money?

Sure, we all do. Yeah, he'd just be saying shit. You just be saying shit. Because you're afraid of the implications of not saying shit. Yeah, we got to get rid of them. What does that mean? Planes, trains, automobiles, man. It means speeches and beer halls.

This is what it means. You know what it means. It means one road soda on the way home from work. We can't talk to these guys. Can't. Can't talk to these guys. Well, but if I admit that, then what's the next step? Well, I think you know.

I think that's a lot of your guys' problems. You know goddamn well what the next step is. It's not going to be talked out. Every time I see that. this is just another Maddox. God, you... You're ruined.

Maddox was fucked. He was totally fucked. Yeah. That's a unique level of being damaged. He was so uniquely fucked.

There's no new one. Not even Eric Shalai was a new. Deftall... Eric Shalai's got a kid now. Some sort of chicken... Some sort of a new... Some sort of a baby.

Wow, this show... fucking computer problems fucked our brains up today. Man, four hours of fucking computer shit just really put me in a bad headspace. Same.

I'll be at work this week. Being like, man, if Pro Tools fucks me, I'm going to fucking visit. It's not over. Now I've got to fucking fix it. I'm going to see with this janky-ass Barringer

controller. Thanks for the voicemail. I just heard that you didn't tell the show. You, the Masterson, have anchored this great magnet. Oh man That was Yeah

Fuck you Tell me Don't read me My own memes Hey I think I got to rage for you I live in Fucking

I don't know This shit happens Over in California Yeah The amount of Places That close down

Over here There are good places Bro Like They can say Close down thing it's amazing close down

they put a Huey Magoos there do you guys have it Hughie Magoos? What the fuck is this guy talking about? Hughie Magoos? Sexbies, but like a thousand times worse like it tastes disgusting like all their sauces on the chicken tastes like really sweet

and really gross like it's just ugly and disgusting I wanted some breakfast at Hardee's Hardee's breakfast Best Bats food breakfast hands down. They closed down. Forever.

And I bet you a fucking Danny's not Danny's Dundt, but Dunkin' Donuts is going to go up in its place, bro. Danny's Ducks. I'm really sick of it. Like, this is happening way too much where I live. All the good places. The fuck out of here. Make your own food.

Stop going to Hardee's every day. One gives a shit about Hardee's. Hardys nuts. Hard Ars. Hard Ars. That's where I go to eat. Actually, I stay away from there. Give the N-N-N-N-N-nuts. Hey, welcome to hard ours. What you want?

You have to say, you have to order chicken nuggets very slowly. Hey, Dick. Hey, Johnny. What makes me fucking rage today is when you get into an argument with someone, whether it be your significant other spouse, whatever, start going, you apologize

for something and they'll say, what are you apologizing for? Yeah. Or you say, I look, I look, whatever it was, Like, you know what you did? And you can't even ask them, like, what did I do? They can't even fucking justify it.

Do you not know? How they feel with the response. They just want to be fucking angry and make you quite get the world. And it makes you just want to blow my fucking brains out. Do you not know, though? I mean, do you really not know? Like, do you not know or do you not want to say, I'm sorry for, like, something that I,

I'm sorry for something that you think I did. It's mostly in your head that makes me hate you, that you think that this hallucination of me in your head or this fucking, that you're too sensitive to something and I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm just not going to do it because I'll hate myself and I'll hate you more. Or is that it?

Do you not know or is it that? Because I think it's probably that. I think you probably know, like if it was somebody else, what should they apologize for and just be done with this? I bet you could come up. I bet anyone on the fucking planet unless their autism Barbie could come up with it. Nine times, ten times out of ten.

What does she want you to apologize for? Yelling at her in the car, making her feel stupid. How hard is that? Yeah, it's always that. Sorry for making you feel stupid. And it's just like, dude, you're prolonging your own misery by trying to... Don't you pretend to be stupid. I have no idea what?

Really? You have no idea? Because she's an idiot. And she knows. Yeah. So what does that make you? Dumber than an idiot. Big gay idiot.

too. A big gay idiot. That's just here for what? You're going to win a game of stalemate against Tits McGee? You get a ribbon for that? Are you arguing with a woman? Yeah, seriously. What he knew here? Sorry, sorry I did that.

First time on this planet there, Chief. You tell me what you did. So say it. It gets easier every time. All right. Hey, I just want to make everyone aware that the left is winning the slur game right now. I've been reading and seeing and hearing the term maggot.

I think we all know what they're trying to say, and I would like to say what they mean, but I'm not allowed to. And like, yeah, retards coming back, but it kind of was never a slur to begin with, so it doesn't really feel like a win. We maybe need a new word, or we just got to go hard in the paint with,

card in the F's I don't know We got to find a new word I think New word time Dickheads let's do it I mean we killed one of them What about an old word

Dead classic That's the word What did you say What about an old classic word One that still manages To give people the shakes And tremors I don't think they're saying the Fsler with maggot

I think they're saying it like A worm That eats dead tissue I don't think they're saying Sler. They should. They should. Are they winning the slur? Well, I thought the rebrand

from colored people to people of color was a pretty good move. If you just throw the word of, that eliminates all the like... That's the blackest shit that's ever been. I hate being called color people. People of color. Yeah. Well, that's a little bit

fancy. That absolves me of all my sins, right? I'm like, what do you mean? It's like the fucking platinum card. Yeah. Oh, wow. So there's a platinum card better than the gold card? Yeah, sure.

Yeah. Yeah, what do you think? Colored people to your face. That's the... In broad daylight now. People have platinum. People... Um...

I don't know who's winning the slur wars. I'm kind of over like... Cute shit online. Like the White House posting these memes of like... to make liberals look stupid liberal tears i'm sick of liberal tears sick of it yeah i don't care anymore my greenland black bag mayors get it done with get rid of 50 million people

let's go pronto own a oversized mug that says liberal tears on it kill yourself kill yourself eat the whole mug pack the court pack the supreme court get rid of the filibuster let's do real We got You know one shot To try to get rid of like all these groups That are just basically

Want to kill us What about the rape our kids Bring in the Filipinos Instead of the filibusters You know More Filipinos Let's filibusters You get a Filipino to just talk to you

Endlessly about like The nuances of anything Yeah Did the Somalians look afraid No Why? We're not trying hard enough Then we're not going hard enough

Slur is not going to do it it. Slurricane, however. Slurricane might do it. Big old fucking whipping around. Man, hard R's, fucking J's. Shits so strong. It'll start your engine, Maine. Hey, Dick. I'm a couple episodes behind, but I'm listening to your rant

on a cast iron fans. That fucking shit. That sends me. Any retard who says you need to grease it and season it and do all this? No. Don't listen to them. No listen to them. Use some fucking soap. Use some fucking soap Cooking your cash iron

I am using soap And when you're done Dry it off Put a little fucking avocado oil on it It's fine Okay I don't like you're getting too into Like

See now he's on the other side Of the horseshoe on that one Don't use soap Do this I don't like that you said Avocado oil Yeah Could have been any kind of oil

And I'm not going to go buy Avocado oil For my cast iron skillet Yeah All right Oh man Don his brain If you don't

like this part of the show, turn it off. If you don't like this part of the show, well, we sat through four hours of troubleshooting just to bring you this segment. I call those one Despicable You. I gotta go to the bathroom. It looks like a monster.

It's like divine brown. Divine yellow. Divine yellow. Okay. That one, that was very upsetting when I saw that. Jack Jack Aphrodite

Yeah This is Reddit It's like that Reddit Mod It's actually grew Yeah

Oh what a transformation From pedophile To glamorous pedophile Yeah Out of the frying pan Into the fire Jesus

Fouf It's a Cruella de Ville wig. The bad lip-sinking is just like... Her lip-sings like Billy Big Mouth Bass. Yeah. It's got three animations in the animatronic

category. Okay, what else you got here? So this one is a modern-day cargo cult. I was going to call it a one-woman cargo cult, but you can hear other people in the background. Oh, that's a big one. The descent into madness is complete. What's your favorite food-related exercise?

guys. Chocolate cookie, chocolate cookie yum yum yum yum it's a big fat woman What the fuck is this?

She's doing vocal warmups It's a plus size choir Yeah Yeah She's What does the gay choir warm up like this?

Cock Cuck, cock, cock, Cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock. Cuck, cock, cock, cock. I think it's anal seepitch. Anal seepage, anal seepidge. Cac, cac, cac, cac, cac. Cuclep.

She goes through all 12 keys thinking she'll unlock the keys to the magic Kebler elf kingdom at some point. Why is there a plus size choir? I just like, I wonder how out of breath everyone is by the end of it. Do they sing, like, commercials? Keebler Elf? Like All the dunkeros and stuff?

The crafty table. Have we listened? Is this still going? Have we listened to the whole thing? I think we did, yeah. No, we didn't. Oh my God. She's really going for it.

I didn't even watch this far. Why don't they show the rest of the fat people? It's a whole plus-size chorus. I don't think they had red cameras in there. Chocolate cookie, chocolate cookies, yum, yum. Last one. Okay. Something she never says in relation to chocolate cookies.

It's the tit bounce for me that really just makes it sickening. Beautiful. You over here. That was beautiful. That was wonderful. Revy Ruberker To love another person is to see the face of God How don't you lose 150 pounds

That's the face of God That's a face you can start to see Jesus Christ Yes I mean her page is more the same Of course there's her Disneyland and shit It's all of her conducting fat people Oh She's the fat boss

It's December This is when she was skinny And you haven't been 17 Jesus She was 17 there? Jesus. But sometimes... All right.

Sometimes you get fatter than shit. Okay, so this one is cowboy baby. We all know that kid rocks on. Now, lift and draw. What the hell is this? Two good old boys playing grab dick? Yeah, they're playing grab dick, and he's trying to coach these guys on how to ride a bowl better.

But he's doing it with his hand tucked between. between their legs from the back? Why does this guy take it all seriously? It's just this guy. The whole cabal of them are. Look at it. So he's a guy, it's this good old boy with a cowboy hat and a black shirt,

button-up shirt, crouching in boots, crouching down in the sand. This other guy's got like a cock-knocker fist up his, on his gooch. And the other guy's pretending to hold on to his hand like it's a bull. Okay.

seat bones should hit my hand or hit my arm and there should be tension up on my hand no there's some tension up on my hand seat bones go down what I seen there was the fucking bat see how the hand is lower

don't demonstrate yeah I see how the hand is lower in the seat that's you got it if you don't pick up there he'll hit the ground before you're sat and everything goes to hell after that okay mash and pivot just the like the

We gotta be serious about this guys This is a fun thing Okay, so this last one, man Oh boy Fucking six o'clock man How do I sign up the whole day? By the way What is this?

There's a guy leading a drunk girl around Put the audio on first I'm made and do the work Why don't know I do the work? It's a guy leading like a hot fitness model Through some kind of an obstacle course But she looks, she's all fucked up Waving around

Oh, oh, now she's scooting around on her butt. Don't be fucking dramatic, you know, just fucking walk. Go forward, go forward. What the fuck is this? Oh no. What? What? She's retarded.

Yeah. She's retarded. She can't walk, and so this is part of her physical therapy is getting sworn at. getting sworn at by this Australian guy. Why is there tires all around? Is she gonna start doing like tire exercises? She's gonna drive away.

There's like tires on the ground like a military. Yeah, she's not, we're gonna be running through him anytime soon. Jesus Christ. This is the what?

It's just all dramatic and you want to fucking attention to it. What the fuck? Dude, what the fuck is this? Ryan Nisiernig, the Purr. A perfect amount of love, I absolutely love my trainer, Lee Campbell.

He tells me how it is and it works wonders. I know it might not seem like much, but I walk through the sand five steps and that ain't easy. Wait, this woman typed this? Yeah. I was so impressed by all of it. Jelly baby. All right, go. It's sand and it's cool.

It's gravel. It's fucking rocks. It's footpath. This is what I imagine being in studio with the hard men working hard is like, what is this? Well, so she had like a brain tumor as a kid and it kind of fucked her up

the rest of her life and then, but this is her going through rehab and like trying to improve, but I saw that... Falling on her ass? Getting thrown around? That part, I was like,

man, that's like, that's a crazy thing to be fucking posting. I don't know, man. It hit me in such a wrong way that I was like, ooh. Wasn't Christopher Reeve do that? Kick his ass

Is he dead? Kick his ass out of the chair. Yeah. All right. Goodbye, everyone. What a day. What a disaster. What a fucking disaster.

What a fucking disaster.