The Dick Show - Episode 496 - Dick on Chungucide

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

The Sean curse hits me in the wiener, funny bits from the Epstein files, a homeless man cons the hospital I'm at, white people's Power Points, cleaning up crime scenes, caste development at Microsoft, Black people in Minecraft, a sit-in at Target, and Vinnie's comedy club is attacked by a single protester; all this and more this week on The Dick Show!

Rumble had a big week. Dan Boingo is back. He's protecting. He's protected all the pedophiles he could, working at the FBI, so now he's freelance working outside of the system to protect pedophiles. Do you know about that? No.

Dan Boingo. I said right at the beginning, these retards, you can't send retarded people into take down a cabal of international pedophiles. You've got to send high-functioning psychopaths. You got, that, I thought it was obvious. I,

I thought it didn't need to be said, but apparently needed to be said. Unless the, unless the reason was, unless the whole purpose was to protect the pedophiles, which I understand, as a high-functioning psychopath!

That was a 40 chest, man. Was that it? Hey, let's get our dumbest, let's get our goofiest motherfuckers in there. Let's get guys who tweet about hockey games they go to. Let's get him in the FBI. That's Netanyahu, He says, hey, Trump, I'm kind of worried that you're in there now.

People want this international cabal of massad asset pedophiles outed. And he goes, don't worry, BB. I got a guy who tweets that he's at a hockey game that he's at. I'm putting him in charge of the FBI. He goes, but he and Netanyahu goes, Oya, O'i, Watsa Boshagga, Oi, Watsabushagah, Ou Gah, Sibbligas, right? Oh, no, he, my, Basha.

Torg fucking scroll starts shooting out of his. penis, his lap, that around him, like those guys with the hats, the guys that have like a couch for a hat go around. Those are cool. Do you know those guys, those Orthodox Jews, you could fit their feet. Did you know this?

You could fit their feet. You see him walking around with the curls, you know? I used to see them walking around all the time in West Hollywood when I would drive through there because they're right. I don't even know where West Hollywood ends in Orthodox Jewish Hollywood begins. It's one big It's a never ending story They're fucking settling each other

They're doing settlements in a yingang thing I got a unique opportunity living in the valley To see right where I lived or used to live It was right at the border of all the Orthodox Jewish neighborhoods And then little Armenia basically Anything further north was all Armenian You know yin yang in there Yeah so you know being out on smoke break sometimes

You'd be standing out front being like, man, I might get shot just in... I might get shot or ripped off out here. And I don't know which. I'm still convinced, okay, so this brought up an interesting point. So my roommate and I were trying to figure this out. We watched a serious man and got really into like... God, that was a fucking great movie. It's a great movie.

It's so stupid. But I'm like, is this... Just think of the parking wall. When Jews are making movies for them and not going... Is this what they want to make? Because this is great. I would way rather watch this. That movie's fucked.

Every time I watch it, I just leave a little less... Like, ugh. He took the, he thought about taking the bribe, he took the bribe, and then it,

it destroys his whole life, right? That's the ending. Right? The giant fucking tornado. Like, oh, but so we're thinking about

all these, you know, all the laws of Shabbas and obviously watching Lubowski, too. Uh-huh. And it occurred to me, I'm like,

well, what happens if you fuck up? Because we'd always see the families walking around the neighborhood. What happens if you fuck up? Forget to turn your alarm clock off. It goes all day, bro.

Well, so that's why we were like, that's why they go walking around out in the neighborhoods because they get so sick of their alarm. Someone fucked up left the alarm clock on and they can't shut it off. So they're like, you know what? Let's just go for a walk. I need to get the fuck away

from this alarm that's going off. They call a black guy, the same guy that's in that. Dude, I'm watching the Super Bowl today. I'm just waiting for that fucking Jewish commercial to come up. Come on, baby. Is it going to be the first quarter? Is it going to be the first break?

It's gonna be the opening act. It's gonna be the opening act. Is it gonna go twice? Sometimes they replay commercials at the end. Because they have more space than they sold, you know? The whole game, the duration of the game should just be the commercial. And then for the commercial break,

it's just snippets of what happened during the game. Here's the current score. Oh yeah. If you take the Orthodox Jewish guys, I've seen them do this when I lived in North Hollywood. Their feet will stick on the hat. This is a bad, it's not even a good as a joke as it took to tell.

Like, Lego men, that was the joke. Oh. Feet will stick on the hat. the hat and you could stack them up. Oh, man, I feel out of it. You miss... If I miss one show, I'm out of it. I forgot what we were supposed to even do.

You came in today. I'm like, who the fuck is this? I know. I walked up. I was like, this right house, right? What is this guy? What is this attitude? What is this guy?

I bet Sean is... You know, like, in The Hobbit? Bill Bones, when he loses the ring for good and he turns into like a monster, he gets all old and shitty. I bet that happened to Sean when he quit the show. Because that's what happens to me. If I miss, God forbid, if I miss two weeks, I would be like, ah, like a hemorrhoid looking motherfucker. Dude, I know exactly what you mean, man. So much has happened in the world.

So, dude. You had a great show? How was it? Was it great? Well, I got to say. see a very great show, you know. It was very interesting, yes. It was interesting.

It was cool. These guys turned a big tent into a whole face. Oh. And the mouth started like, it was crazy. A big puppet. The whole theater turned into a puppet. It was mind-blowing. I'm sick of, I'm sick of the hospital.

I'm sick of the hospital. That's how they get you. Dude, they get you started, right? They get you in once. And then you got to keep coming back. You just got to keep coming back, dude. They set things off. They put little time bombs in you to set things off.

I'm in the hospital for, you know, a couple days. And they make me share a room with this, like, that I put together his story while I'm sitting there doing nothing. Well, I'm sitting there and I have a fat Filipino nurse coming in to tell me that the TV, how the TV works every 10 minutes. Like it's so like if I'm not using it It must be because I don't know how it works Well obviously I just don't not that it like makes me sick to watch television I just fucking hate it

I hate having it on and I don't want to get into dueling televisions with the Home that the drug addict in the curtain next to me They put me in this hotel room or this hospital room with a guy who's all fucked up with something I never figured out and the doctor's never figured out I was in there I was in there for a kidney stone by the way I went to the hospital

I was rocking the baby to sleep at like midnight and I felt this like punch in my back and I said oh no it's either I either have a kidney stone or cancer I know that feel I was just sitting there going

oh is my Did I throw my back? Nope, nope, that's one of two things. I know what it is. It's either a kidney son of cancer. Please be cancer. Yeah, at least you can deal with cancer. I'm like, fuck, man.

And I don't know why I wanted to prove to myself or my wife. I'm like, okay, whatever you do, you got to make sure to do everything totally normally to your level of excellence. You got to make sure the baby's sleeping. And now it's like, it's like, it gets bad really fast. It hits, like a fucking, like a stab with a, like a spoon in the back, right in the spine. Like, ew, okay. Like, I'll just put the baby back. Oh!

Oh! Ah! Right? Put the baby back in. And then I walk to my room. And I'm like, okay. No problem. You know, my wife's like, something wrong.

Something wrong. And I'm like, no, nothing's wrong. Nothing's wrong at all. Why are you asking that? Trying to get him back in bed. Like, I'll just sleep this off. Because I'm not going to the emergency room again. I'm not going again.

I don't want another, I don't want another heart attack credit card bill. I'm so fucking sick of it. And it's happening being like a frequent flyer at the emergency room, while all these fat, worthless fucking morons are crying about their health insurance going up in a mouth that I have, that's so small. I've never had to pay it in my life. My health insurance went up $30. Like,

you're, what do you mean $30? What are you used to paying? I'm used to paying $70, so it's up 50%. Like, I've never in my life. Even when I worked at KB Toys for $4.25 an hour. I've never sniffed at $70 health care. Fuck you. It's just in my head all the time.

Like, that was the first thing I think. thought was, oh God, please be cancer. Okay. Uh, there's no way. There's no way I'm going to the emergency room. No way, no how. I'm fucking sick of it. I'm sick of it. I had a lot to do today. I'm not going in. I'm not, I am not paying two grand to get ice chips. No way. My wife goes, is something wrong? I'm like, no, nothing's wrong. I'm just gonna go to sleep. And I lay down and it's like fucking bonitis hits my best.

Oh, God, oh God, I can feel it like a, it's like a boomerang. It's like a, it feels like getting, I mean, it feels like how I imagine getting fucked would feel inside your body. Like, whoa, that's not, that's not good. And I just see Sean's stupid face going, uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh, wait a minute. Let me turn on the Sean bot. Let me see if this fucking works, dude. I created a artificially intelligent Sean. Look at this shit.

Watch this. And it listens to us. Let's see if it works. It listens to us. I made it before I went into the hospital, or maybe after I went into the hospital. I don't remember. And it will start generating quips. The Sean quip machine will start generating quips.

I mean, that's reassuring. I don't remember when I made the thing that's, listening to us. Okay, that wasn't a good one, but it will generate good clip. Um, so I put my feet up, get into a, get into, I'm like, no problem. It just feels like a horrible hangover, worse hangover ever, no problem. I don't need to go to the fucking ER. No problem. Let me just, oh God, I'm going to throw up. Okay, let me just hop in the shower. Let's just hop in the shower. It'll be fine. I'll just hop in the shower. I'll just hop in the shower. sleeping it off didn't work.

Let me just hop in the shower. Almost throw up. I'm like, okay. Internal injuries with throwing up, that's, it's not worth $200, not worth $2,000. I don't care. So you get in the shower, staying there, think about my life.

The baby starts crying. I'm like, okay, no problem. I start feeling better. Like, all right, I just made two grand. Way to go. I go back to bed. 20 days back. I got 20 days, man.

This is cash money. pocket. I get in bedded lay down. Oh, no, no. I get back in the shower and my wife comes in. Why are you taking so many showers? Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Mr. Clean, what do you think?

I just want to get masturbating here. Don't worry about it. Dude, it's the worst thing ever. So I started throwing up. And she goes, you're going to the hospital. Oh, you fucking bitch. I go to the hospital. They're like, all right, let's take your temperature. Oh, wow, 103. You're fucked. Like, okay.

They're making it like a big deal, too. They're like, your kidneys are infected, dude. Like, you could be dead within like 24 hours. You could be. Is there any way you could do it now? Could we accelerate the timeline? Doc? Put you next to a heater or something for a little bit. Crank up the heat in here. They didn't have a lock in the door in the hospital. hospital? So I have to, they got me full of fluid, so I have to get piss every 10 seconds and hold the door closed because these Chinese people don't know what's going on. And the whole time I'm seeing Sean's ass. Huh? Huh? Uh. Uh. I mean, asking the doctor to speed up your death. That's just good customer service, right? Yeah. It kind of sounds like him. Um, so they say, well, you're all infected. We got to, you got to, you got to, we got to, we got to, we got to, we got to, we got to, we got to, you. admit you. I said, okay, and the nurse comes back and says, oh, you're actually staying? Most people say no to that. What do you mean most? What do you mean most people say no to that?

I didn't know I had a, what do you mean? How much is it? She goes, I'll send, he's like, I could send the insurance people in in a minute. I said, okay, send them in. I don't know, I don't know if I want to stay here. I didn't know I could go home. Uh, uh, insurance people never came in. I never did get a estimate of how much it was, but they wheeled me into this room and it's this And it's this Mexican who's having, like he brought a quinceaniera with him to the hospital. There's a bunch of fat women. They get a little hot plate. They're making cassidias and stuff.

No matter. Fucking where they go, dude, it's always someone has to be cooking something. Yeah. So I'm sitting there going like, oh, great, okay, whatever. Sucks. And then the doctor comes in to talk to this fucking guy. Every time the doctor comes in, they're like, okay, Mr. fucking Hugo Martinez, so what's going on?

And he goes like, I swear to God, he's talking normally. And then he starts going, like a fucking zombie. He's like, oh, they're like, so what's hurting exactly? Your legs hurting goes, ooh. I'm like, what the fuck is this? I'm pulling the core. I'm like, hey, be, ding, ding in the bell. come in here. This motherfucker's

faking it! So I was like that's weird. I thought he was just kind of high when they came in and they timed it. They drugged him up and he came in. I was like, that's a bit weird. And then his fat family came back and he squeezed all in the room.

Like they're fucking, and they're having a good time, gay old time. You call him, you call him, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh, blah. Tadda, oh, this said. They leave and the doctor comes back. Like, okay, so how's your leg doing? I'm like, you motherfucker. Then they finally set a social worker in.

And she's like, okay, so when was the last, and you stopped drinking, you said? When was the last time you had a drink? He's like, a couple months ago. He's like a total fucking phony, dude, trying to get a free room. And she goes, oh, when did, where are you sleeping now? He's like, oh, oh, she goes,

are you sleeping in your car still? He goes, oh, I'm like, this is, this is fucking bullshit. 1-800 ice Get these Get ice in here right now Yeah Fuck that Yeah

What the fuck That that That would I would hobble out of my bed And try and fucking Strangle him That was fucking bullshit Uh

Let me see what Sean Bot says I mean Most people say no To staying in the hospital When they're told They could die in 24 hours What kind of hospital is this

Like a timeshare pitch? I don't know Sean Uh It was good when I was trying it, but now it's not funny. Now it hates us. Yeah. I mean, you're basically watching a one-man show at this point, right?

Guys got his whole performance down to the science. I'm destroying the environment by doing this. I mean, you're in a hospital bed and you're ready to commit murder over insurance fraud? Chuckles. Maybe save some of that energy for actually getting better, you know? All right, Sean. That's the best. I'll try you again later.

just want a hospital, bud They would have been like, why is your blood pressure so why? Because this fucking guys... This fucking guys, this fucking guys pulling a fast one, man. Dude, and it takes... I don't know why, it takes like... When they tell you you're going to go home from the hospital, it takes like seven hours from that point.

Yeah. Why is that? Why don't you just leave right then? Like, all right, see ya. It's... I always imagine is it's a bunch of different departments of people who just don't give a fuck. Yeah.

Because you're just like another another pile of, another stack of papers, right? Yeah, is that what it is? Someone goes on break, oh, well, they're gonna come back in 20 minutes, you know?

I don't know what the deal is. One person signs off. Oh, well, this person needs to sign off, but they're on lunch, so they'll be back in an hour and a half. We're like signing off. I have no idea,

but it seems like there's so much fucking bureaucracy in it all that it's just like. So I finally peed the, they said, the doctor said, we're going to have to, uh,

put a shunt in your cock if you don't pee it out. I'm like, what? Why? All right, I guess I better pee it out then. So I pee it out. It doesn't hurt anymore once it's in your bladder. It only hurts when it's in your kidneys.

And then I peed it out, and I'm like, all right, beeped that shit out. And the nurse came and she goes, Ah, you're not supposed to do it. You're not supposed to do it in the toilet. All right. Put your gloves on, bitch. Get it out.

I'm not putting on. I'm not putting no fucking shit. shunt in my penis. What's talking about? No. What's going on here? And now I'm like

gung, every time I get a feeling in my stomach. Oh, God. Because I'm like, well, what about the other side then? What the fuck? Yeah. Welcome to Dick. You want to diggy, love, dick, you need to dig.

God is the showroom. This is a contest. It's going to live from Mount Bucking, deep from the Houdon City of Failure. You're my host. Dick Mashed, which is a K. The $20 million man.

Joining me, as always, is Johnny the audio engineer. How's it going, man? What's up, man? And then all kinds of shits are happening. Fucking text messages are happening. Fucking goofy shit's happening. Man, the AV clubs added again.

Oh, this Epstein shit's happening. I don't even know how I feel about this Epstein stuff. The micro-transactions probably got me the most heated out of all that. When he was, when he's buying Fortnite bucks? No, inventing, like pitching to call duty. Like, hey, you guys need to bring in micro-transactions. Fuck.

Did he do that? Yeah. That's worse than the pedophile stuff. That's what I'm like, that's fucking what an asshole. That's bad. That really fucked everything up. Oh, that's bad. That's bad.

I saw, what are my, I saw them. He's the reason you're paying monthly for Pro Tools now. But, mother fucker. I'm saying, though, that's fucking so annoying. Epstein is. Just so he could rape more babies or whatever. Every time I think he's not raping babies, something. comes out, I'm like, ah, he is raping babies.

Well, so he's raping the babies, but he needed to figure out how to rape everyone else on the planet, too. Yeah, he invented a technology to rape everyone under 18. There's a man on the internet, dude. And he's getting banned from Xbox Live. So he's alive, playing his Fortnite account, right? Because then Fortnite immediately came out and said, that's not him. And I said, that's how I know it's him.

Yeah. I know, that's, there's nothing you guys could have. said you could have said nothing and I would have said that's bullshit. You could have said we'll look into it. I would have said okay that's probably bullshit but you had to come out and say that's not him we don't even know that email. I said that's a fucking lie. What? Yeah. I could hear the music through the tweet. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Like wow you really think I'm fucking retarded like that's crazy. Uh let's see what's Sean bot saying? Uh, Yeah

I mean That escalated from Xbox bands To baby rape pretty quick You know? Yeah it did Maybe it was in response To getting banned from Xbox He's on there

Fucking Fortniteing Living the dream He's fifth and sixth nighting now too Every time I think I hate Epstein I'm like man maybe I love him I don't know Because if nothing's gonna happen to him Then I love him

Right yeah Yeah That's But then He tricked It's like a big practical joke that he was doing. He got Harvard people to give him tips on making

babies suck pacifiers extra harsh. It's like, this is, that's the worst than anything I could ever imagine. Yeah. That's worse right there. He's getting sex tourism advice from fucking Goldman Sachs lawyers. I'm like, all right, well, this is convenient. We just got this great list. Just go kill everybody

on the list. Yeah. No problem. And then Dan Boing goes on sending me spam emails on Rumble going, check out Dan Boingo on Rumble today at 8 in the morning and I said man okay I'm on the wrong side of this I got a pick between the chuds and the worthless chuds and the quirk chungis and the pedophile network of spies I guess I should I should go pedophile network of spies I don't want to be I don't want to be a chungus rumble spam and chungis to each other I don't want to be any of them

yeah but you got to pick you got a thing you got to pick I don't want to be micro-transactions pedophiles. But I really don't want to be rumble-spam. Yeah. Cork Changes. You either join the Raiders or the enclave. No in between. Yeah.

I mean, when pedophile spy network is somehow... That one doesn't sound like it. I mean, when your options are pedophile spy network or rumble-spam, maybe it's time to just go live in the woods, you know? Live in the woods. All right. Live from the woods. What a fucking mad start to that, Sean Bot, that was. Ah.

It's hilarious. Then I go online and I see people talking about what do they mean by grape soda? Who drinks this much grape soda? Like are you guys fucking retarded? It's a- Well, for starters, it is Black History Month, so we could start there. Did you make good trouble? Did you go on Minecraft and play as Martin Luther King's?

Did you make a Martin Luther King and Minecraft? I did attend a MLK themed brunch. For Black History Month? Let me see. Let me find that Minecraft. Was it good time? I think so yeah Minecraft good times edition and it's all the black people from history that you love so much Both of them well who do you think invented Minecraft? George Washington's Carver of course

Let's see it's Minecraft good times. He's the reason you can make peanut butter in Minecraft actually good oh good trouble Minecraft good trouble it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be it's gonna be it's gonna be this is gonna seem like You know like you look back in time Like, exploring was easy, right? You just go that way, and you found something. Go that way. Oh, I found America. Oh, what are you going to call it?

Fucking America. Just named after me. Wow, that was easy. What are you going to call that one? I don't know. South America. Yeah, also named after me. I'm going to call this one Greenland because it's icy.

And I'll call this one Iceland because it's a greenie. What do you guys think of that? Just assholes making shit up over the years. But now you can't do that. Now they're seeing, like, so far into space. maybe I could find something in space, but probably not. Some asshole, find it and name it, like a QR code before I get there, whatever. It's going to seem like that in 50 years when they look back at Black Lives Matters of the past and Black History Month.

They're going to say, man, they had it so easy back then. Just make a Minecraft of Martin Luther King. And these days in the year 3000, we've got to really come up with weird stuff to celebrate black people. They should have called them Minecraft Luther King, man. Let me see this. Block Lives Matters, someone says. Okay, walk with civil... Look, you could be...

Hey, that's not black music. Yeah, what the hell! Why is it all cinematic, like, Middle Earth kind of shit? This is Hobbit music! That's fucking going on an adventure with your night buddies. It should be like... There's Indian Hitler. Frida Kahlo.

Frida Callo's there. Rosa Parks has got a real big smile on. She's on the butt. Why is she on the front of the bus? That's not accurate. That's not how the story goes. Make good trouble. You got to make good chival.

You got to make good shovel. Do black people get a vote in this? I guess they'd probably all vote. They love it. But there's some of them that wouldn't. I mean, if there was like a Samoan Minecraft with like just the rock and Junior Seow and like umaga in it, Maybe Samoa Joe, too.

Just the four icons. Yeah. Two. Samoas. The five things Samoans are known for. I play that. David Copperfield was in the Epstein Files. Pretty good.

Such a shitty magician. Man, see, exactly, that's the problem with Epstein files. Every time I think, wow, a bunch of cool people were in the Fesemones, David Copperfield. And I was like, hmm, that kind of makes everyone look bad. Yeah. Oh, like, man, that means you were associated with David Copperfield. and he had like he has like a billion dollars i didn't know that either

david copperfield that's crazy he's a fucking gay weirdo why does he have a billion dollars well that's why fucking vegas sucks that he was getting like he had like a dossier on chicks that he was gonna rape in his audience and separate them from their boyfriends and shit like all right fucking this is a great example kill his ass yeah that very good i mean i can make a list okay we got enough names in the list let's just rank we need to rank them first No problem. We could do it on a website. Yeah.

But nothing's going to happen. Every magician isn't on there. Except for like David Blaine. They're a creepy sort, huh? Well, and it's like the, I think you should leave bit, right? They're just a bunch of fucking cock suckers. Yeah, they are cock suckers. They're just...

They all have the same trick. We went to the Magic Castle, you know, like last year before the baby in the before time. And you go to one, and they're like, Like, all right, somebody get a dollar out. Oh, a dollar. And he's like, does your fucking serial code? Is it PQR-O-1-2-3-4-5? And I wrote it here.

And I got it tattooed on my dick. And you're like, whoa, everyone's like, whoa, wow, right? Whoa. But then you go to the next show and the guy's like, and then does someone have a dollar? I'm like, I've seen this shit. Yeah. It's stop with the dollars.

Does it stop with all of it? Stop with all of it. Get that shit out of here. Do something new. Get a dream. real job. I would be impressed. Find the pedophile in the audience.

Find, you know? He's on stage performing. Find the other. And let's see your phone, sir. Child pornography! Look at that. Whoa! And was this your number on this child getting raped?

It was seven. Whoa! That would be funny. Go through the Epstein files in front of the crowd and sort everyone out. Yeah. That's a funny matter. Why's Epstein? talking all lowercase. I saw someone call it trune case. I don't know what they mean.

I've never heard that. It sounded like a slur. It must be. Why did, why does he type like that? Does so he'll look like a little baby? I don't know. All in lowercase and stuff? I think it's just when you don't give a fuck, you type like a retard. I can't remember if Blackberry's made you type like that. I have my Blackberry somewhere. Maybe I'll fire it up and send old Epps. Epsst. That's what I call him. E-P-S-T. E-P-S-T. He's on Fortnite.

You could go on Fortnite right now and whoop his ass. What if he smokes you, though? If you got virtually murdered by Jeffrey Epstein, I would, you'd have to kill yourself in real life, too.

Like, damn, I couldn't even kill a digital pet. Then I see the, I see the reaction. People, dummies, talking about what does grape soda mean? I think, you know,

what it probably means grape soda. Because they're just like raping. They're obviously raping in other channels. They're not using like grapes. I think it's just grape soda. I think it's just like,

I'm getting sucked in the whole pizza thing there. It's like, who's getting pizza at 1 p.m.? And I'm like, yeah, that's a reasonable time you get, look, these are weirdos. These are like rich, weird assholes. They act weird. Why are you guys trying to figure out grape soda is when you have all the people that are involved in an international espionage and blackmail ring

at the highest echelons of power and business, that's the issue, is that it's a blackmail ring run by, funded by Israel, probably run by Israel in the U.S., selling blackmail and access to all the governments of the world, who gives a fuck what grape soda is? What is grape execute these people? That's the fucking code word. Grape soda means kill this motherfucker. Throw them all in jail. But that's not going to happen.

So what's the point of getting upset about it? Just like let him play Fortnite. Let him put him on a live stream, man. It's top pedophile. World's top pedophile. Everyone needs to go bully him into actual suicide. Yeah, set him online. Put him online.

They'll figure it out. That guy hasn't been online, Epstein. He doesn't know what it's like. People will be making fun of those little teeth. You can't be having corn teeth. And his tribal band. This gay-ass tribal band that he had. Let's crack the code of,

what does the grape soda mean? They're raping teenage girls, bro. What code? How much code do you need cracked? I think you just kind of... Maybe you guys just need some madlibs. I think you just like cracking codes. Go read a Dan Brown book.

There's no codes that you need cracked. It's called. statutory rape. At best, that's what they're doing. Yeah. Missing the forest for the trees, man. Bill Gates trying to chop up antibiotics for his fucking STD gave his wife. That shit is funny as fuck. That's the funniest shit I've probably ever heard. And then banning him off Xbox for it, too. Oh, hey, honey. Is your, um, how's your, uh, how's your, uh, how's your, uh, sabiche in there? Let's just, uh, let me just, uh, chop. Oh, oh, what a fucking retard. Like, he couldn't figure it out on his own.

Do we just believe the pedophile? All this money in pharma shit Can't fucking source that? Can you figure out how to dose your wife? You couldn't get Steve Balmer to do it? You ask the... Taking pills, taking pills, taking pills. Here's some vitamins, bitch.

Here you go. If Steve Balmer tried to sell vitamins, I think I might buy him. His fat ass? His fucking uncle fucking Fester ass ass fucking going crazy on stage. What happened to CEOs like that? man. And then I saw that Ted Kaczynski, the first, one of the first, one of his bombing campaigns,

you know, the Unabomber? Oh yeah. He mailed bombs to one of the Epstein guys and somebody else. Let me find it. Uh, like, all right, we got to rewrite a whole lot of, I need a weekend, okay? I need a weekend to recalibrate. I need some, I need every race to give me a stop hating us commercial so I can review it. So I can review the materials. So I can see exactly why I should be hating it. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh, yeah, and the Post-It, okay. Making a lot of compelling points here.

Ted Kaczynski kicked off his last bombing spree by sending this guy and Charles Epstein mail bombs in the same weekend. This guy is Yale Computer Science Professor David Galertaner is defending six years of emails with Epstein, including a recommendation for a student he described as completely connected, very small, good looking blonde

reportedly saying he was only trying to keep the potential boss's habits in mind oh yeah okay well that's fine then as long as you were doing it to feed a psychotic pedophile we thought see we thought you were enjoying it too but if you weren't enjoying it then obviously it's fine

just doing your job just doing your job bro as long as nothing as long as I said nothing that dishonored her in a conceivable way, I'd have told him more or less what he wanted. She was smart, charming, and gorgeous. Oh, I should read it in his voice. Ought I have suppressed that info? Never!

And here's what he looks like. We're in an interesting time. Because I think the censors, like all the patrons and censors and stuff, I know what they don't like. I know what they don't like making fun of fat women. Joking, you know, I know what they don't like, but now it's like, wait a minute, they hate Israel.

So I wonder if I could offset, like, carbon credits. If I could get fat women credits by attacking Israel. Because I could chin up a lot of credits. If that's the deal. We're finally going to get rich, Dick. I'll be paying Scrooge McDuck sitting on all my credits diving into them. Hey, you fat cunts! Now hold it right there!

Yeah. Ah, see this big pile of the D.K. Horde of credits behind me? This is called a Yamika. Now I'm deep in the hole with you ladies. Almost as deep as their heels are. As your clove and hooves. Please don't let me interrupt your meal. I'll make this quick.

Man. You can listen between bites. Now I know that you don't like me making fun of fat women. But... Just telling someone, no, I'll finish. Go ahead when you're done, Julie. For the river to the sea, you will have a buffet. You will eat everything in between?

Eat everything in between. Um, oh, you missed out on the married with children thing that we all went to. Dude, I'm still, like, at the very ass end of being sick, too. How was that? It was funny. I fucking bet, dude. It was the four main family for married with children goofing around. You know what, though?

It was great. Heon got drunk He was acting like we were Adam married with children taping I don't know this is hell yeah but fucking Ed O'Neill

was like Mr. actor you know I'm like oh come on man you mean you can't pull out a little Al Bundy for old time's sake he told a story of like how they were on set some audience member asked like

what was your favorite fat women joke and he goes oh man you know know, and then we're going, yeah, and he's like, oh, I remember when I, uh, I apologize to one of the fat women actors and I said, oh, here we go. Oh, that ruined the whole fucking everything. Here we go, bro. Let's hear it. And he's like, yeah, sorry I have to say this stuff.

And they said, don't apologize. This is how we make a living. And I'm like, uh, that's like the most, that's the fucking most. God damn. That's the most Hollywood story you could have told, dude. You didn't have one. Come on. He should have been like...

No one is that good of an actor. Yeah. He should have been like, what I really wanted to tell her was... Right. Or what I told her off camera, well, you know, that would have been better. Come on, Al. Don't fucking Hollywood. Don't go Hollywood on us now, buddy.

Damn it. Damn it is right. Talking like it's the fucking actors guild. Uh-huh. I wanted like a, oh, gee, peg. I didn't get one. Man. So I was disappointed in that.

That is disappointing. And I stole this black woman's a credit card. That's cool. By accident. What was the name on it? Not hers? It was just a bunch of like, Cubert, like asterisk,

fucking star, Wingdings. If I could get a wingdings fucking name on my credit card, that'd be fucking awesome. She said, I said, you're, oh, sorry, miss.

Oh, because it's, uh, It's ad dashsterisk. Ah, it's Adasha. I don't know. Let's see here. And there's more Epstein files?

I don't know. Let's look at sex tourism laws. That was one of them. Billy Irish is going to get her house taken. Is that over? Nothing's going to happen there either, right? Dude, I have such a fucking bone to pick with the both of them because this whole time, they're like, well, we just made this record in, like, you know, in our house and all this stuff. With her brother?

What the fuck is going? on there. I'm sick of that. Well, he does all the work, and she just kind of is like the face of it all. She's the tits of the music. Okay. But this whole time, they're like, oh, we just did it in like a little, you know, you can do it too. And it's like, bitch, I know who's selling you all your gear because they're telling me. And you just bought a $21,000 microphone.

You bought these fucking huge studio. Like, you have a high level studio in your house. You can't say, like, oh, we just made it at home. We're just doing. Yeah, if your home's a fucking recording studio. recording out of my core. Yeah. Okay.

That kind of shit pisses me off because then everyone else hears that and goes, well, I can make a record at home too. I should try harder. I should try harder. It's just fucks everything else up just so they look cool. Yeah. So I'm glad this all blew up in their... They love their fucking home studio so much.

Guess what? We're coming for that home studio. And those tits. Indians are coming for that shit. Fucking business. That's what... That's in front of everything now. That land acknowledgement crap?

Yeah. I've got to acknowledge the land of Indians. The Fagawa. The cool Indians. These cool Indians used to have this land. I know we stole it. I know this used to be Indian land, not like street shitting kind,

but the robitussing kind. And I just figure, yeah. I got this one. Microsoft is they have like a cast system. and the lower caste of Indians have to do C++ programming and the high class of Indians have to do Python.

Microsoft faces allegations of caste-based discrimination and assigning programming languages to employees. A court case or a report or report, which one is it? Alleges caste discrimination of Microsoft where higher casts are assigned Python

while lower casts are relegated to C++. That's the bitchwork. That's the funniest... No, Python for you! They're too. trying to call us all racist, but they all hate each other just as much. And it's like, yeah, no one can stand. Yeah, I guess that's not racism, though, is it? Right, yeah. It's just like cast, cast. Well, yeah, the wider you are, higher cast, darker you are,

mm, you get, you actually have to do assembly. You're so Indian, you have to do assembler. It just goes to show you, when the fuck would you ever expect an American company? Like, oh, there's a cast system there. Get that shouldn't get all of that out. Yeah. Just what is happening? Google's setting up like a

like a whole entire planet over in India. No thanks. I don't want my shit over there. You know what I just saw too? Yeah. Not to be out sold.

They started picking a battery recycling too. Oh, Indians did? Yeah. The allegations concern Indian cultural practices and infiltrating the company through H-1B. So you fucked up your company so much that you got like

some kind of you imported some kind of fucked up reverse racism the system is becoming alive inside. Microsoft does it's still broken right? All this Windows shit is still not working. Windows 11 still just totally

fucked and broken. I feel like Windows M.E. was even better than this. Fucking Microsoft Bob was better than this shit. Microsoft Vijin now too. They got Microsoft Vichin. Oh, we got sequel for Bob. Vajin! Vajin! Vajin! They all go nuts! They're throwing shit everywhere. Welcome, Microsoft. They're going to have to present this shit.

Dude, they're like, like, the white people and the white companies have to go to India and do like their stupid-ass, forced fun. Here's a seminar. White people just love seminars, but they have to take this seminar culture and transported to India without translating it at all because it's like not what they're like it's like you can't do

TED talk in fucking Mexico you know it's just not the same right it's not the same people so it's not the same talk so they bring their stupid ass PowerPoints

PowerPoint's like the most whitest it's like banjo wrestling PowerPoint that's white people called JIRP they invented a banjo they invented WWF wrestling and they invented the fucking PowerPoint gotta have those

spreadsheets, man. You give a Jew a PowerPoint, and they're like, people get, why am I writing shit people already know? Why would I pay for, how this program? Like, what the fuck? Why am I making people sit through this, you know? Why would I put this in writing, you know? Why people, they're like, well, you got to have, first of all, you got to have whatever

you're saying, you've got to put on the slide. Yeah, and it fades between the two. And then you read it to the, I'm, this, that stupid bitch that pulled my kidney son out of the toilet. she deep fry it and eat it later she's like they're gonna analyze it they take it to lab analyze to see what kind of kidney sound it is

like okay kidney stone kind of kidney and every nurse in there every idiot was like you got to change your diet that's how you you get no get kidney stone the doctor didn't say that doctor didn't say that though so I said okay

so just women like pretend women like filling space with nagging and like lessons fat bitch are gonna tell me to change my diet You fucking die. I don't fucking think so. Eat my fucking fist. She white.

Dude, I want to go back and I want to go back and give that Hugo guy a stunner. He made the nurse change his diaper. And there is no way there's anything wrong with that guy. There's no fucking way. I'm going to go back like Walter Sobcheck and pick him up out of that bed and drop his ass on the floor because there's no fucking way. Just the difference in the way he was talking, but the, oh, oh. Between that and when his familia, when his Mi Familia was there, and his abuelas and his Planetas, Tias, and Hermannas,

Los Globos, when Los Globos fucking squeeze their way into the door, the way he was holding court, the way he was Tiendiing El Querto, and then when the doctor were going to be, oh, this motherfucker. Man, that makes me. I'm going to stun his ass. Boom. What was I talking about? I was like, I actually would have... I was pissed.

I would have been fucking boiling, man. Like, are you fucking shitting me right now? So this stupid lady gives me a pamphlet. She's like, here's your pamphlet. At about the hospital. I'm like, I don't need a fucking pamphlet about the hospital. Does it come with egg roll? She goes, here, this is how you prevent Kitty Stone.

Okay. She goes, you have to, uh, you have to, uh, If a urinary tract infection, you have to wash your penis. I'm like, all right, I see that it's, don't read me the whole thing. Like, why are you giving me this PowerPoint printed out and then reading it to me the whole time? You can go wash your, wash you a penis. Like, I don't think it's washing my penis that caused this.

Thanks, Jordan Peterson. Fucking kidney infection. Really needed to, should I clean my room too? Do you have any of these pamphlets for races? Please? Like, it's so, do I have to, you have to go the rest of my life sitting through fucking PowerPoints and having someone read me a bedtime story of shit I can see on the paper

in front of me, I could read it faster than you can read, then you could say it out loud. That you could think about it, yeah. I'm seeing it. It's a guy with a fucking rag on his penis. It means wash your penis. The big headline says wash your fucking penis. I got it. Like, I'm not going to listen.

You don't tell me to watch it. You just watch that guy's whole ass. Just watch that guy's asshole. That's fucking crazy. And then my side was all clean, right? Because I wasn't You know, I'm just sitting there. Fucking not worrying about anything. Getting fucking doped up.

And then she pulls, they put the IVs right in my elbows. Oh. Are you guys fucking serious? How am I going to dick around on my phone when I got two, both arms with inside elbow IVs? Can I have a telescope, please, or a set of binoculars to see my phone? So eventually, of course, I start creeping my hands in, and it's, like, so painful. I gotta go home. She's like, all right, here we go. We take Ivy out. And she puts that thing on it. She pulls it out.

And it just starts spraying blood all over the place. And it's like, oh no, put pressure on it. I'm like, with what? My hand? There. Just turns into a murder scene? Oh, yeah, it turned into a fucking murder scene. I guess my penis is really dirty now. It's all covered in blood.

Covered in fucking blood. She's like wiping it up. I'm like, you should put gloves on. Like, I don't... It's like you're picking up glass down there. I'm not going to stop you because I don't care, but you're not making a good decision. That's...

I forgot what I was talking about right before that. Oh, yeah. The Indian presentations that they're doing. Where they got some guy up there talking. And they're like, all right, here's our quarterly finalists. And they have no idea what's going on. It's like they got abducted. All the Indians are like, got abducted by aliens.

It's like an alien star search. They're like, what the fuck is going on here? What is this? Why is this guy reading stuff that's on the screen? Maybe we got to escape to India. Now that the pedophiles have taken over is turtles all the way down and pedophiles all the way up. There's always more, there's always another pedophile on top that Dan Boingo is protecting. That Dan Boingo and Rumble are protecting.

I heard he lost one piece of hair for every pedophile he's protected Oh wow He's still got some That's a surprise Bio Weapons In Vegas Billy Elish

Yeah fuck you The EU is making nuclear weapons Because they're pissed at us But they spent like 40 years like not having nuclear power Because it's bad But now they're going to start making nuclear weapons because they're

We got a whole international IP on nuclear shit. You think you guys are going to fucking enter that game now? No thanks. Man Okay, here's about a Haitian immigrant. Now I'll read some comments. Oh, well, you look white so you're probably fucking stupid.

This is probably fucking stupid. Boston area woman is thrilled after taking a Haitian migrant and says it's like having your own personal chef. Wow. Classic Boston. And it's really fun having them. What I realized is there's so much prejudice against refugees, mostly because people

don't know them. Lisa says she feels like she has her own personal chef as Waldande loves cooking. It's called having a slave. Yeah, that's fucking crazy. These dockies, they just love cooking. You know, people don't know these doies like I do. They love it. They love gallivanting around

singing. They love cooking. There's so much prejudice against them. Absolutely othering. People just don't realize that they could live in the house and cook for them. and do their chores and get to them. Well, you know, Dick, you can't say colored people, but you can say people of color.

People of kitchen. That's how I say it. People of kitchen. That could be women or both. Yeah. Yeah, women like it because there's something finally. It could be like a women thing, a racism thing. Men are like, no, it's not worth it.

You think that they're going to be good helping around the house, but trust us, it's not worth it. It's more trouble than it's worth. Why can't you just learn how to cook? Yeah, bitch. You dumb bitch. You dumb bitch. Why don't you just learn how to cook?

You clearly got the house for it. You never thought to use any of that shit? College graduates are pretending to be disabled. Okay, let's see that one. So not just the students. Oh, no, students. Nearly 40% of Stanford undergraduates claim they're disabled. I'm one of them.

This is Elsa Johnson and a groundbreaking piece for the times. One month into my freshman year at Stanford University, an upperclassman was showing me her dorm room, a prized single in one of the nicest buildings on campus. As she took me around her space, which included a private bathroom, a walk-in shower and a great view of Hoover Tower. She casually mentioned that she had lived in a single all four years

she attended Stanford. I was surprised. Most people don't get the privilege of a single room until they reach their senior year. That's when my friend gave me a tip. Stanford had granted her a disability accommodation. Of course, she didn't have a disability. She knew it, I knew it,

but she had figured out early what most Stanford students eventually were in the office of accessible education will give students a single room, extra time on tests, and even exemptions from academic requirements. They qualify as disabled. Oh, okay. College kids are pretending to be disabled.

Oh, they really, wow, they really are gaming the system. They better be dat able to do. Let's drop some Somalian. We've got to get some Somalians in there. Really show them out of scam. Yeah, really get the... Any kind of... Make the schools pay them.

Get some Somalis in there, man. You see Dr. Oz? Mm-mm. Found all the Armenians. It turns out Armenians in California are doing some fraud. How about that? Yeah, so has he never been to Glendale once in his life? That's what happened.

He drove through Glendale. He's, what the... His Turk... His Turk sense went off. He's like, what is this? Armenian fraud, do I smell? like the number one dash cam sales in the world is just all in Glendale. It's the highest selling place of dash cams.

Well, because you always have to prove when someone jumps out in front of you. You got to be like, well, see, this guy was trying to scam me. And then you have to reverse scam them, and it becomes this whole thing. This is really bugging me today. Okay. And then we have a caller. Get this. This fucking kid who was going to call in three weeks in a row.

Mm-hmm. first our audio shit the bed because the cable's unplugged and then the next week his power went out like all day and then the next week I went to the hospital I was like bro it's like

they just don't want us to talk he invented Somalis scam.com saw that he won the post of the year on Twitter and won one million dollars cash for his Somalis scam.com

That is the... One million bucks. Well deserved. Like two days ago. I was like, bro. Uh, congrats. Yeah, congrats. That's fucking cool.

Don't forget about the Littleby. He's like, no, I would never forget about you. I'll call in later. Maybe we get him to call in next week. How about that shit? I think that's awesome. Yeah. A million dollars.

I'm sure he'll talk about this too, but I saw his tweet about what some news agency he reached out to him for a comment? And he said, no, I don't talk to fat women. And they said, he refused to comment. He said, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then he posted it. Yeah, that was great. That was fucking awesome.

He should win a million dollars just for that. I hope he wins Twitter the year next year again. Give him next year's prize. We got another winner. Already won, yeah. Okay, Glees says Johnny is my N-word. David Friesner says, it's time to get you in a healing chamber. No one has ever been this sick.

Well, it's unfortunate. Mm-hmm. Uh, Foxy says, bro, weird convo with my friends got into what state do you think an assumed museum of toilets be located? And the search result is the funniest thing I can fucking imagine. What is the museum? Where is the museum of toilets? Ooh. Shaluba deli.

Mm-hmm. Well, they're not currently in use. So, you know, you have to see somewhere for all this archaic. That belongs in a museum. Yeah. Like Indian Indiana Jones? The Brotherhood of Shitters. Breaking into a 7-Eleven.

This toilet, this thing belongs in a museum. Like, that's our only toilet. Every toilet belongs in a museum. Well, now I can say I live in a museum, dude. That's pretty cool. New Delhi, India. The toilet museum is in India? Are you sure they just don't have one restroom?

Yeah, no shit. Matt Bodypiercer says, check out this video. Minneapolis Target sit-in. All right. Let's check it out. Did they, they went to Target and had a sit-in? Is that what happened? Is that why they got rid of the little Pizza Hut and fucking icy corner on all the targets?

They're all the little chairs and shit. They're having a sit-in for fat women now. The protest over immigration enforcement. A federal judge denied a request to temporarily pause immigration enforcement in Minnesota. And this comes as protests are intensifying. Here's ABC's Johnny Fernandez. Minneapolis protest continues after two U.S. citizens were killed. by federal immigration agents the last month.

Just like a tree. Demonstrators hold citizens at Target stores demanding accountability. We shall not be moved. Protesters are urging the retailer to act. Target says it doesn't have an agreement with immigration enforcement agencies. Oh, out! Meanwhile, a court challenged to remove... Target.

They found a way to protest in Target. I'm telling you if they don't sing Wade in the Water It's not Doesn't mean Wade in the water, children Word in the Way That's what I want to hear I got to go to Target to protest

That's right A slave song I got to go to Hooters For a protest But back when it was good Go to Fooper's Yeah I'm going to Fupers

Fat of her pussy area hooters. They have pancakes. They only serve you the bones because they ate them from the kitchen to your table. These fucking bitches. You know, there was going to be a big protest at Vinny's comedy club. You know, Vinnie? I do, yeah.

Paulino. Why would they protest there? Some comedian was performing there who said, like, the dumbest joke about the ice shooting possible. Oh, that's a shame. They should just protest the comedian. Yeah. So they sent about a thousand emails

Like we're gonna kill you and we hate you So Vinnie's the comedy club Like had all this security shit And they coned it off And they tried they brought in a coffee truck To like try to appease the crowd Yeah And I talked to Vinny this morning

And he said A one old lady showed up All the crying And that's so fucking annoying Yeah So one old lady got her own I hope he turns out And she said, where is everybody?

I hope he fucking posed that picture and is like, fuck all you morons. Let me see what he said. Man. Exactly. Oh, yeah, that's right. Okay. Yeah, where is? And she left.

Hundreds of calls. Emails and throat. I hate these fucking people. Hey, Dick. I hope your penis is okay. Just thought this was kind of a funny thing that was happening in the Minneapolis protests. Let me give the Sean bought another try. He was saying funny stuff when I was testing it earlier.

Oh, it gave me some good ones earlier too. Yeah, oh shit, I blocked it. No! Reset the permissions. Yeah, allow. La la la la la. Okay. Obtus Ghanome says this.

Canadian sex worker realizes her vote for open borders has very real consequences. I'm a Canadian worker and the immigration problem has gotten so bad to a point where it's actually starting to affect my safety as a worker. For context, 75% of Indian or Pakistani clients that I have have been giving me issues. And I don't want to have to be that person because it's genuinely not about race, but these people come here from... It's jealous. It's entirely...

It's not about race. I just want to say it's not about race. It's just that these Pakistanis and Indians are causing me tons of problems. Yeah. No, it's about race What do you mean it's not about race Look, woman That's already not boding well

If you're Canadian too Sorry Yeah No sympathy You're not there yet You're not there yet You're each one of those Each one of those phrases

Is like a coffin nail Yeah For other people I don't want to be that person Coffin nail I don't This isn't race This isn't race base

But coffin nail You have to come out and say I am that person I am that person problem. This is a race problem. Fuck them. Yeah. From cultures where they don't respect women, they treat them horribly, and they think we're just human fleshlights, and if they pay us that, they can just do whatever they want,

and that's not how it works. A lot of these people will try and stealth me, which basically is when they try to take off the protection before they put it in and try to make sure that I don't notice. They, you know, show up with less money than they're supposed to. They're typically very aggressive, very disrespectful. That's real number one. Is they always not great. And it's gotten to a point where I start to feel like genuinely unsafe around most of these people but it has to be said like this really needs to you need to respect women like you're in a country

where women are equal as men so for marijuana I unfortunately can't see Indian or Pakistani citizens unless like you can prove that you're a citizen isn't it weird how much she has to say weird things to not be racist they're from a culture I'm not going to see

Pakistani citizens like oh that's not the race it's just citizens right okay citizens of what Canada Canadian of Canada or another nation because like it's gone to a point where I just physically feel I'm safe doing this.

You're fucking racist. Great news, yeah. And life will get a lot easier once you admit that. For everybody. For fucking everybody. Okay, let me see. Let me see if we can get our

collar on today. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Do do do do do do do do do do Do do do Great, why don't you try working? That's weird. I didn't know there was A in Google Meet.

What? What the hell is this? Not working. Hmm. You're seeing what I'm seeing, right? I'm seeing what you're seeing. Seeing what I'm seeing, right? Create an instant meeting.

Yeah, instant meeting. And nothing. Great. Good, great, great. Instant darkness. Hello, darkness, my old friend. Okay, let's try this. Meet.govogle.

Meet.meet.com. Yeah. Got it. Give me a meeting. Instant meeting. Okay, that's the good sound. That is a good sound. And virtual camera.

Oh, oh, oh. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, darling I mean she's like three sentences away from just saying I'm not racist but And then immediately proving she is you know Yeah, that's true Sean I mean that's not even close to a real name right

What is that like a Star Wars character? I don't know what he was responding to there Okay Here is the meeting link We're live Do do do do do dee D-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de. Oops.

There we go. Cool. Yeah! All right. Oh, here's a good one. Maddox is still doing this shit. Speaking of Maddox's unique brand of evil. Let me pull this shit up.

He just bought a dash cam now, too? Did you get it? She says. I think so. I think so. a second. Maddox is still doing this shit. Loo-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-o. From Aaron Hesler.

Speaking of Maddox's unique brand of evil, about a week into my new job, I got pulled into a meeting room and informed that this email came in via the contact form. This is a guy who Maddox put in his documentary. Like he called him out specifically for his own little showcase. And he also at the time would send emails constantly to everybody that this guy worked with. He sent it before, Aaron.

He sent some of them in before. About a week into my new job, I got pulled into a meeting room and informed that this email came in via the contact form, bizarrely addressing me directly. Thankfully, I had told the whole story to my boss years prior and didn't need to explain the entire history of internet drama. Uh, this is from a random name, the Maddox Edvin, Kulin. Uh, hey, Aaron, do you still engage in Dick Masterson's circle of fanboys, trying to cancel someone by lying about them being racist when you yourself indulged in watching the program

of a racist who associated with Richard Spencer and Nick Fuentes? Smiley face, kind regards. Jack so he's got the wrong name with the wrong email he's still going with that Richard Spencer Nick Fuentes shit Nick Fuentes is as mainstream as it gets there's no yeah he's been on everything he was on the cover of a New York Times man or something he's like a half step away from taking apart his microwave man yeah my previous job which I left mid

2023 got similar emails as recently as November 25 below including it. To summarize the events, I made a post in the Dick Show Facebook group in 2016 suggesting that Maddox and company wouldn't be so brazen about going after your gigs, my gigs, if your supporters ever stooped to their level.

This was right after Denzel got called the N-word. Oh, okay. A few people commented on the post saying it was dumb to behave that way. I got embarrassed and deleted it. Three years later, after the Facebook group was gone, Maddox started tweeting at and contacting my clients, screenshoting that post

alongside a bunch of random SS logos and swastikas. Oh, Maddox put a bunch of SS logos and swastik What's a fucking lunatic, man? Calling me a stalker over three quarters of a decade after my original post

he included my post in the copumentary and seemed to conclude that my post was why he lost Harry's. Oh yeah! He even had a disclaimer on the video. Note that Top Hat ad agency has parted ways with Aaron, the person in the hate mob who encouraged harassment of Harry's.

Please do not contact Top Hat or any of their clients regarding Aaron. Oh, Maddox put that. Jesus. Is Maddox the biggest stalker in the universe? Are there other people who could possibly be deranged enough to be doing this on his behalf? No, it's him. He either has notifications set up when my name appears anywhere online or eyes on my Facebook page to even be aware that I got a new job.

Oh, interesting. Psycho. So Maddox has Google alerts for everyone in the Facebook. Facebook group. That's fucking great. And he instantly emails your new place. Wow, what a fucking weirdo. Here's another email. So Maddox sent his new employer an email and then before that sent one. Yeah, a couple months ago sent it to his other one. Uh, all right, admit. Hi, is this art? Hello, hello, hello, hello. I hope this works.

I actually don't know. I should probably test it, huh? Do do, do. Oh, no, it's not hooked up, is it? How about there? Yeah? That's good. Yeah, I see it.

Okay, how about now? La, la, la. Hello? Hello. How you doing, all right? I'm all right. Nice to meet you. Can you?

Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Johnny the audio engineer. We're just reading, we're reading some emails from a really a psychotic person. Oh, yeah? Yeah, he like,

he's really upset. He's really upset that he got made fun of online. So he, like, set up a Google alert for this guy. Whenever, he set up a Google alert for a bunch of people. Whenever they get a new job, he sends these weird emails to everyone at their new job. So we're reading his emails.

Okay, this is Daniel Matthews. Did they do it to you? Oh, yeah, he sued me for, he sued me for like $360 million. Some ridiculous amount. Sounds like he won. No. Yeah, he won. He never has to worry about the internet again.

Isn't that nice for him? Dude, he beat the internet. He's free. He doesn't have to worry about making video. making videos online or pretending to be a writer anymore. Yeah. I do think that that Maddox suing me and being destroyed by me gave him some closure to his life.

Now he can blame it all on you instead of himself. Right. Because now he can just, now he failed and it's because of me. There's no way, there's no coming back from where he's at right now. If you still employ this guy, the email says, you should drop him. He tried to ruin some guy's life on the, orders of a guy called Dick Masterson online like a little sick of that tried to run a smear campaign to get some guys sponsors to drop him by law is he pretending to be other guys

drop him by lying see this video see this video on YouTube at around two hours 45 minutes in for proof drop this guy if you haven't I'm just a concerned citizen reaching out on behalf of my just a guy that I like online see this see this video two hours and 45 minutes in. What a fucking lunatic. Uh, okay, anyway, hi, Art, how you doing? I'm good. How are you? You good? Are you, uh, do you got any plans for the big game today? Um, I was gonna go see family after this. Are you gonna go see family? Are you, uh, are you watching the Bad Bunny Super Bowl? Half-time show? Are you watching the Patriot, uh, halftime show? Oh my God. I like heard a rumor that like Stephen Tyler is going to be on that too.

On the Patriot one or on the, on the Communist one? On the Patriot one? With Kid Rock. Oh, hell yeah. I heard that. Those are two guys like I used to love, so it's just embarrassing now. I heard that Vivek Ramoswamy is going to read some poetry about how American kids are retarded and stupid and lazy. I heard that was going to happen.

Okay. So you are, my wife found one of your, one of your. AMA is she's up all night with the baby just reading redder AMAs and you are a you're a crime scene cleaner right yes I was and you had some really interesting stuff in there about cleaning up hoarder's houses and some murders that you were one I just read this morning was okay you were

cleaning up you were cleaning up somebody's house and then later on somebody found like a notebook where you were cleaning up somebody's dead. It was some old man. You clean up his house and he had a roommate. And then later, years later, you found out that the roommate had like a journal where he had written how much he hates the old man

and that he was going to kill him. Can you tell me about that one? I'm not getting it right, but I read it. I was like, oh no! Right? Yeah. So this was like, I believe like we cleaned it around like 23.

And you know, I'm sure I'm off with a lot of dates because honestly, I just don't look up this shit, you know, especially at the time. I'm just too busy. Wasn't that curious, honestly. Yeah. But so I believe it was like around 2020, 2020, when the death happened at this guy's house, which he was like a retired doctor, apparently. And he had this beautiful two-story house with a nice pool in the back.

And he was found a couple days after he had passed. face down in his pool. So I guess they just, what I heard is that they just chalked it up to, you know, a suicide or an accidental death, whatever. Yeah. And this was an elderly man, a guy in his 70s that lived with like a 40-something-year-old roommate. And so now it's around 20. It's around 22, 2023. Yeah.

Now that we're called in to by whoever owns it now to clean it up. And, God, I worked for such a sketchy, for such a sketchy business. We, like, employed under the table a bunch of teenagers, you know, that just needed jobs for the summer. The cleaning up dead bodies? You employed teenagers. Not cleaning up the dead bodies, but sometimes, yeah, cleaning up guts, cleaning out. Not cleaning up whole bodies, just parts of bodies. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, just parts, just parts. You employed teenagers? I didn't. No, God, I didn't. I was always against it. I hated it. Is that legal? I don't think you should be putting teenagers around corpses to pick up.

Why do you think I'm wearing a bandana for God's sakes? Because this wasn't, a lot of stuff I'm probably going to tell you isn't very legal or wasn't legal about what my employer was doing. Okay. So, yeah, so we had a couple, like, I think it was four or five of these teenagers with us. Fun fact, this guy was an artist. I mean, it's just like, that is such a horrible job. Like, I had a job as a teenager.

And spending the money that you make, that's the first time you ever get like your tax bill. And you think, oh, God, this feels a lot like, oh, I'm a grown-up now, now that I see how much I'm getting raped in my tax bill. But it's also you have some sort of, pride in the money you're spending. I just don't see it working that way for kids that are picking up organs.

You know, funny enough, I mean, I told you this was all under the table, so luckily they never, Uncle Sam never had to see any of it. Okay, no taxes. All right, sorry, keep telling your story. I interrupted you. No, it's okay. So it's like, so with these kids and for most jobs, well, I'll tell you about it. But for this job, it was just seen as like, oh, we're cleaning out the place because it's been left abandoned for a couple years now. They just need the place gutted.

And everything that both of them obviously had left there that family hadn't already taken is just left, get rid of it. Everything is up for grabs, basically. So we're tearing out the upper floor. I'm kind of directing these boys. how to get rid of shit. And by the way, these are like 16, 17, 18 year olds is the oldest one. And I'm having to snap them out of it. Like because they're like, oh, this is so cool.

This is so cool. Especially because now they know the story of what happened here. Like, oh, this was the roommate's room. This was the doctor's room. And I'm like, okay, guys, we got to focus. We got to focus. I'm in worker mode. And they come to me and they show me a journal.

They show me a journal and they're like, this was in the roommate's room and I kind of look at it and it's, and we're reading it together a little bit for like a good couple minutes of, uh, God, I hate that old man. God, I'd fucking do shit if I could. I just, just shit like that. Okay. With a couple of weapons left in his room as well, like a couple of knives and shit like that. Yeah. And I was like, okay, we'll talk about this later. And so I put it off. to the side onto, you know, where there would be a cabinet. I set it off to the side and I guess in the shuffle where everyone's just throwing everything away, someone threw it away. The confession. I was so fucking pissed because at lunch I'm like, hey, where is it? I thought maybe one of them like snuck it or stole it. Yeah, of course.

And no, just don't know where it went. Do you have it? No. And that was it. That was it. That's the most of it. You don't have time to like to conduct your murder investigation. There's so much fucking drama to all this shit.

I mean, honestly, it sucks. But I've been, I've seen a couple of murder confessions at this point. And nothing ever comes with anything. Oh, yeah. What kind of murder confessions? Because I'm also, I'm currently a nursing assistant, and I have been a nursing assistant on and off for five years. So obviously from people dying or dementia patients, you hear a lot of murder professions. Yeah.

I mean, that's, I recently got one. That seems like, that's, it seems like that would be easy to do. Feeling with the dementia old person, like, oh, maybe I just kill them, you know. How? Me? Maybe me. If I have to take care of like an old person with dementia, at least a couple times a day,

I'm going to think, how could I just kill this idiot and get away with it, right? Like, what a pain in the ass. We got to write it down first. Yeah, I wouldn't write it down, though. We got a Dix murder confession. I would just say it on the show. Okay, so what were the murders?

The most recent one was, I was, they put me in a new unit with some of the most confused people, but one guy that's usually really confused was very lucid and for some reason loved to talk to me, meeting me for the first time. And he went on a whole rant about how he used to sell drugs and how a couple of times, you know, they had to take out a couple of hombres to the boat and dump the bodies out there, you know, if they weren't going with them correctly. Yeah. I recorded that conversation because, like, I wasn't listening.

I was way too busy. I'm like, this is important, but God, I'm really fucking busy. I got to get out of here by 7 a.m. Did you do anything with it? Oh, I still have it. You still have it? Oh, man. Is he just bragging the show off?

Oh, fuck, I don't know. I don't know that guy well enough to really say, if not. No. But man, it was like, that guy is usually like a bumbling mess where he can't get a single word out. But he was like completely lucid. It was the middle of the night. And he was coming up to me wanting to talk about it. About killing people? Yeah. And I was like, well, how do I know, you know, you're telling the truth? And he's like, you don't. I could be lying right now. Yeah. And I was just like, God, you sound way too lucid right now.

for me to not take this seriously. Did you find anything in your body cleanups for murders? Like murder confessions or anything like that? Murder confessions. Yeah. Or just straight up murders. That was really the only one. I mean, there's plenty of murders.

Yeah. Like what kind of things are you thinking? I don't know. I want to know more about this disgusting world that you're in. Pretend I'm a teenager. I'm a teenage boy. I show up for work on my first day. I have a couple of stories

already written down ready But I was thinking if you did want to go through the Google Drive And we go through the pictures I can tell you the story that's attached with the pictures Okay Yeah let's do it Nothing bloody I didn't give anything bloody

Okay let me let me find it What's the It's just the hoarder nasty shit It's titled four dick For dick Dude I I love hoarding. That was my favorite show.

That's what got me into it. Really? I got me interested in it. Uh-huh. I love when they when they like start yelling at the hoarders when they're like talking, they're like,

okay, what if we just throw away this like tish, this candy wrapper? You know? That was me. That was you? Okay, I'm trying to find. I was like the cheap version.

Like that lady that comes in in like a business casual. Yeah. And it tries to be like a therapist. I'm the discount therapist that would come in. And then my boss would be like, go, go, go talk to them. They got that one, they got the therapist who like never seems to get anything done. And then they got that guy who's just in charge of the moving who just yells at them.

He always gets a, who always gets a lot of results. I have this, I have this video that you shared, but I don't have a folder. Can you share it again? You don't have a folder. No. Sure. Give me one second time. Sure. It's like the first foreman all over again.

I have this theory that there's always been like a foreman somewhere in history. And it wasn't until the first one kind of was like, hey, we got to get around and start doing some. You guys got to get off your ass. Somebody who's sick of working. Like, all right, I'm in charge now. It gets to a certain point where the foreman assumes his foreman, he comes out of the ether and assumes an avatar just to tell people to hurry. He puts on the white helmet. Yeah.

Fuck this. Fuck this. He's like, you know what? I'm putting on a white helmet today. All right, I just sent it again. Okay. Yeah, I got it now. Oh, sweet.

Okay, whoa. What do you want me to look at first? You can go by the first picture. They're mostly in a timeline. Okay, there we go. Oh. Oh, my God. I miss this job so much.

I thought it wasn't too bad, but then I blew it up, and you've got, Johnny, what do we see here? here. It's a, like, a king size mattress that is covered in trash and old shoes and stuff. I think that's where they took the picture for the

Gorilla's Plastic Beach album. There's so much trash. It's just gross, man. There's a big key component you're missing that's in that trash pile. You know, look how much the mattress is dipping. What could be so heavy?

Ooh, is there a body underneath? A fat body, perhaps? How fat is the person under this mess? That would be fucking crazy. The guy's alive. I got to meet the guy for fun enough. Okay. The little Asian guy.

That was piss bottles, mainly. Just hundreds of gallons of piss bottles in this. Hundreds of gallons? Hundreds of gallons because it was like some of them were the two leaders, some of them were just the 500 milliliters was the whole house like this? Yeah for the most part

yeah this was just like kind of the most like condensed room where look how fucking like it was just years and years thick because you get through you get through like the crust and it's like it gets moldier and moldier and moldier and

it's and it also gets older where it started like from you know 20-20 and then we got all the way down to the 80s where we found a ton of shit paperwork and newspapers and magazines from 80s or Pokemon cards of stuff.

Princess Diana Beanie. I find all tons of, it's usually not good shit. I found a bunch of old Avon bottles in this guy's place. I bet they were in his ass at one point too. And there's a body under this trash right here?

There's a person? No, no, no, no. Oh, okay. You made that up. That's a pit. There's a pit. There's a pit. Biss bottles in here. The Jankham factory. Oh, my God. He was Howard Hughes maxing.

How much would it cost for you to clean this up? Like, how much do you get for getting all this trash out of it? For just that? Are you talking about the whole apartment? The whole apartment. The whole apartment was, I believe, 4,000 is what we charged, which wasn't enough. But again, a lot of this was, you know, under the table type shit where we, where my boss was, you know, wasn't very law-abiding. However, he was a really nice guy where he wanted to do good by the people that couldn't afford it.

These people could barely afford what we gave them. But we transformed it to what would have usually been like a 10, 15K job. So your discount cleaners of biohazards and hoarding and stuff? Okay. It was around 6 to 10, actually. Did you ever find someone with like a bunch of toys in their house? Oh yeah, we'll get to those pictures Okay, okay, I'll go to the next one

Oh, magic cards I mean, no, like I do find a lot of Like little toys I find a bunch of little vintage shit Nothing like super expensive Not that I can Like, you know, I found a really nice old Sega Genesis

I haven't found anyone to fucking buy that I got a lot of pomac books Right here books okay now we're talking what about a guy who has like a bunch of stuffed animal versions of himself in his apartment you're not anything like that no i find found found weird stuffed animals but not of themselves yet oh my god um there used to be this guy there used to be this guy who hung out in the discord for our show who made was it grover he made about he made hundreds of homemade grover stuffed animals

and then his wife took his kids he was married he was married and he had a kid or two kids with this woman and she finally had enough of the Grover's because he's having I think he was having sex with some of them and she took the kid Is Grover the little brown dog?

No, Grover's blue. What do you mean dog? Grover's like Oh he's a pal after that he got that dog in him He's got a round head that he's like a man that's why all right

what's this one um that was in the same apartment he was a big like so here are the some characteristics about him lots of piss bottles he was a hunter so you can see all those heads on the back and the guns he was in the military

at one point so sadly there was no bazooka just the bazooka case for some reason it's just as good and he was also like a mailman so a ton of like mailman paraphernalia for some reason. What's a mailman paraphernalia? He had a lot of dog mace. Oh, okay.

Mace made for dogs. We found like, I think, two crates full. God damn. Jesus. What kind of neighborhood was in the middleman for? Martin Luther King. Englewood? Yeah, Englewood.

Okay, so the military maybe messed this guy up a little bit or something. happened to them. Okay. Oh my God. How often would you do this stuff? A house like this? How often would you find one? Oh, a house like this?

So, like, starting off for the first, like, month or two, it was, like, maybe once a, like, once every two weeks. I was doing fairly small jobs. Okay. After, like, I got really, really involved. Like, at one point, there was only three of us. us like my the owner my boss my supervisor and me so it was just us through running the show for for quite a while for like a year at least yeah um and that's when we would do it sometimes like

one house would be like three days a week and then we take a week off because there's no business or maybe we do a couple of small things so i'd say like max a big house like this once every two weeks Uh, this is the bathroom. He's got a nice little path into the, into the pile of trash. No, no, no, no. That was after we made the path. You made the path.

Oh, shit. Okay. We made that path because, um, you'll see like there's another picture that goes where you'll see because, um, the bedroom was completely barricaded, basically. It was, we made that path that you could see the bed and all those layers. And then we made a path into this bathroom.

So now you can see this picture that you're, safe. Okay. It was like, the place was barricaded. That was after a day of cleaning already. Or the door, front door was barricaded,

and now I'm at the patio. You got crutches here. Yeah. That door that you're seeing over there is the bedroom. So you can see how high it is. Oh my God. God. Damn.

How's it even possible? Think of all the money spent to create that garbage pile, man. Horde? That's crazy. They always say at the beginning of that show, it's like a million people have hoarding problems in America. It's a lot of fucking people. Okay. Is there anything about this one?

Can I go to the next one? No, I'm just reminiscing that's all. I remember his daughter's telling me what it was is like he hadn't lived there since like the early 2000s. He lived somewhere else and he just came back here to like basically just throw shit in. instead of the garbage yeah basically like if he wanted to keep something or just couldn't keep it at his apartment

he would just come to this apartment and throw it in that's not that guy masaiokis or whatever right that fucking guy who's always like he's either like super autistic and gets drunk and then he cooks in like a hoarder house like fuck shit up

all the time but like and just leaves no one knows who the fuck he is who is it YouTube channel like mass massookies or something like I don't know. I don't know how to pronounce it, but man, dude. Okay.

It's like seeing this. I'm like, oh, I got to go watch that guy's channel again. Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay, here's the bathroom back, and it's like totally fucked up. This is a screenshot from New Vegas. I don't think that was real. It does look like a video game.

It does almost look fake, doesn't it? Yeah. Oh, is that you? Okay, what's the, what is this that you're holding? Oh, that was just a giant hose. because that was like because we finally broke ground is what it felt like you know

like we're in we made it in uh more that's the bed originally was the shovel already here or is that something you're using

that's mine that's ours okay this is more of the horde did you find any dead people in the hordes dead pets and stuff people

um I'll tell you a fun pets story. Lots of dead rats, obviously. Yeah, sure. Um, no, just very, very neglected pets. I found a lot of neglected pets, sadly. Sad. That's too bad. Yeah. Um, and then obviously in the crime scenes, like, you know, we found like borderline people's entire heads and faces. Wait, what? Um, in the crime scenes. You found people's entire heads and faces? Practically, I mean like in the sense of like suicides. You know, people blow their heads off.

We're finding, we could put it back together. Getting a little head at the crime scene. Where's the craziest place you found a head? A head. Oh, yeah. I've only, I've, like, I haven't found an actual big. I haven't done too many. I mean, the worst one that I've found.

Do you want that entire story? Sure. Sure, because I don't have pictures of it. So this was like, we would sometimes get called it like 2 a.m. And I was up for it. You know, I thought this thing was like my baby. So like, oh, 2 a.m. I'm up. And this was like 5 a.m.

My boss called me saying, we have a job, you know, be at the location with all the supplies in the truck by 7 a.m. you know, a suicide just happened and it was literally not three hours before, three, four hours before. And I was like, okay, we go there and it's also, when it's that quick, obviously, we're their first therapist besides the police that they're seeing. Yeah. So this was. Okay. Grave digger's going to have so many fucking problems with this.

Oh my God. I'm already, my phone's going off right now. I see messages. We got a guy, this friend of ours, he called in a little bit a while back because he runs like a funeral home. He just wrote a book, actually. Yeah, he just wrote a book, how to move a body. Okay, so you're the first ones on the scene with the, with the suicide. All right, keep going. So like the person that answers, I believe is the victim's mother. Okay. And she's, you know, heartbroken trying to talk to us and tell us like, oh, good morning. It's over here.

Behind her is who I find out is the wife of the victim who's a man, pretty young man. Couldn't have been older than in his early 30s. And then also toddlers. time to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, especially when you're... If you don't kill your...

I mean, if you wait to kill yourself, pass you're like 40, it's not worth it. Then you're just a lop, yeah. Like, I don't have the energy for that shit anymore. You're missing the best part, which is... He had a toddler there who's six years old who had, like, pretty severe autism. So you just, you know, really had to fuck his wife a little bit harder.

Okay. It was so fucked up because it's literally like six hours after it all happened to them. Which I don't know how any of this was legal again. I guess it's just it's complicated. Maybe the coroner just, you know, calls it like, oh yeah, it's a suicide, you know, do whatever you want now that quickly. It just seems crazy to me even, but I didn't question those kind of things. Okay. Yeah.

But anyway, so we go into the, from the front door, we go directly next to it, which is the garage and through the garage door, it's like, I'd say 15 by 10. And it has from that door, it has a perfect little hallway to the garage door that can be opened. And so there's kind of a big piles all around. But even as soon as I step in, there's spray every. the entire entire garage um just blood and brain matter and viscera everywhere yeah how did it like a what did he blow his head off with like a shotgun or something is that it was it was just a normal handgun which was insane to me i'll tell you i'll tell you dick because when we when we're doing this tiny little pathway

way, you know, we're walking past like these maybe four or five foot piles and a lot of it's just like cardboard boxes full of kids toys. And there's still, I have these pictures of kids toys covered in their own father's brains. Okay. Yeah. It's the most morbid shit to me. And so it's like we find it where it's the big gun safe. I guess he was in the military

so they had a big gun safe and the big pool of blood was there and the handgun was still well at least one of the handguns was still there but we find pieces of his brain and chunks of his skulls inside of boxes on top of shells

on the boxers things were like someone called Unsolved Mysteries how the fuck did that happen This isn't some double barrel shotgun You know this was just a handgun Are you sure that you can get it all out? Like when you

When you're done with the scene You're like I don't know There might be some there might be some mystery chunks No Chunks of seafood floating around God damn You're absolutely right That's the horrible part about it

And that's the horrible part about it Is when you try to discount people On these kind of services man they get discount service. Well, does he expensive guys, they do a better job, really? Like, is it... I mean, in the sense that they do it for longer.

They do it for longer. I mean, a job like that, we did it in a day. We did it in about like 10, 12 hours. That's not any way to conduct an Easter egg, huh? Oh, shit. Because, you know, I have nightmares where I have like one or two

recurring nightmares and one of them is that I never got everything out of my last apartment. Like I didn't finish moving out of my last apartment so I wake up in the dream and I'm at my last apartment. I'm going fuck I didn't get

like the I didn't get the desk and this cabinet. Have I been paying rent this whole time? Like I'm pissed already thinking I've been paying rent for 10 years on my apartment because moving is such a pain in the ass. You're like oh God. One more thing. I could easily see if I was moving bits of a corpse out of a garage, like going,

I don't need to make, I don't need to make a last trip. Fuck it. I'm going home. It's a happy hour. It's Miller time. Fuck this. Well, now here's a weird question. Do you ever get to a point where, because I've felt this working, you know, fresh out of high school at McDonald's and retail jobs over the years.

But do you just go, well, they didn't pay full price. I'm not going to give them my phone. I'm not going to give my full effort. Does it hit that point where you just say fuck it and kind of rush. the ending? That's a yes. No, no, no, no. So I'm saying for sure. I'd say

with other jobs. This one, I got paid really, really well. For me, for me personally, I'm, I'm an easy going person. I don't cost a lot. I live in a really expensive place. But I was making $30 an hour.

So that that's not enough. I know that now. I know that. now that's not enough, especially for industry-wise, because I've looked into it now. But at the time, it was enough. That's two cheese-mergers. Do you wish you could go back knowing what you know and wish you would have rushed some of the endings in some of those jobs?

What's something you've picked up in your years of cleaning up bodies? Like what, like, you know, if I'm like, if I was telling somebody like a tip on like showering, I would say like, you know, start at the top and then soap up on the way down. What's like a tip for cleaning up dead bodies if I have to? Oh, God. it is going to it's like borderline impossible because like the only way you could possibly do it is maybe out in the woods out in a garden just because if you're to kill somebody and not get rid of it immediately if it's left i mean it's not just blood it's the it's the liquidated fat that comes out it's um the other biomatter that comes out that can seep into grout and will never be eradicated from grout unless you just chip it out and throw it away. Okay.

It's not possible. Same thing with wood. Wood cannot be cleaned. It can only be completely chipped away and thrown out. Lots of people obviously don't want that in their houses, you know, especially if it's something small. It's like, oh, don't cut out my bench. And we're like, okay, then you've got to sign this release form. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, don't cut.

What do you mean don't cut my bench? they've got blood and stuff in the bench yeah I've had that happen where it's like where I had this one man commit suicide like on their outdoor patio well see ya looking out my back door man

in front of his fucking wife that's a whole another story I need to tell you that's how I would do it take this chungus bitch chungus bitch chungus this but seriously it's It's like impossible. Check the credit card statement. Is it over or under?

Goodbye. Call it. He did it in front of his wife. They were like literally two feet from each other. Because she obviously told me the whole story. What did she say? Sorry, what did she say? What was the story?

No, she just told me the whole story that they were just outdoors. They had been drinking and they were talking and arguing whatever. They do that all the time. Uh-huh. And just that, yeah, he just decided to blow his head off. Did she have a really annoying voice? Like when she was telling you the story, you're like, man, I get it. I hate this.

Nothing. Again, I don't think of shit like that, especially. It's honestly, what she ended up doing was her and her fucking bitchy neighbor ended up scamming us. Oh. They didn't pay us. How? Oh, they didn't pay you? You got to get the money up.

You got to dump the body back in the house. Mm-hmm. I should have done just I'll drum up all the fucking red garbage bag. How the fuck did they justify not paying you for cleaning up a corpse? I have no fucking idea again. That's all my boss. He's the fucking moron that like allowed us to start working before we actually got like the contract fully signed. Like he was like, oh, you could start work because she's still traumatized.

It happened the night before, you know, you can go ahead, get it done. And then when she finally comes around later that day, we'll get her to sign all the contracts, yada yada. Nah. And then she was inconsolable. Her family was there. Her crazy bitchy neighbor was there.

We mentioned the price finally. And then that's when they were like, oh, I'm just too upset to sell them. That's this fucking Seinfeld episode. I want to tell my wife to do that. Run this scam on the corner when they come out. Oh, I can't. and they had the bench that they didn't want you to chip out.

Because I was trying to say there was a suspiciously little amount of blood for a gunshot suicide. I don't understand how that worked. But again, there was only like a little bit. There was like a couple of different spots where there's a little bit of pooling of blood, but I was able to clean it to the best of my ability that there's just like a small stain. And technically speaking, it will always be infected. That guy was all bone from the neck up.

That's so crazy. Minimal amount of blood. There was nothing. There was so little blood. It was like a bad nosebleed is what it felt like. And that's why I was like, this is fucking weird. Huh. This is all weird, especially that they gyptus.

And it's like illegal. You couldn't just dump the body back because that's illegal, right? I guess technically it's all up in the air. Yes, he had to, like, go through court or whatever to get her to pay. Yeah. It was in, like, two or three K. What's like the, yeah, that's barely worth it. What's the, what's the messiest suicide you got?

Was it the mist, the guy that blew his head off and the mist? 100%. Because it was just, I don't know if you've ever, like, seen any other interviews or podcasts of other crime scene cleaners. but somebody recently I saw for vice explained it perfectly which is when you're trying to clean up brains from areas especially you know concrete it's it's like um um jet puff

it's like marshmallow fluff oh ew it is like the marshmallows fluff the brains are it's almost exactly like that where it's just if you try and you to pick it up that just smears. Like, bumming and candy. That, so, so

brains is like a, like a foam? It acts like? It's, it's very, very much like marshmallow, like melted marshmallow. See, I'm used to shitting foam, but knowing that that's in my brain too.

Yeah, shit my brain's out. It's real. That's real. Wow. Fucking A. Interesting. Wow. something today. Wow. Some people have sneezed out their brains.

Really, your brain's like, I thought my brain was like hard. My brain's hard. My brain's hard. After that wave cap, my brain is hard. It's like marshmallows? It's really like marshmallow. Huh.

It's so fucking. I thought it was wobblier than that. Got to bring baby wipes to the crime scene and wipe it out of all the cracks. What's like the biggest body that you've ever had to clean up? The biggest batty. Yeah. I'll tell you where there was this guy who was left for, I think it was about 10 days is what they said,

because I think this was the longest I'd ever seen like the aftermath. Because again, I don't get to see the bodies. I get to see the aftermath after they pick up the body, which a lot of times leaves a lot of shit behind. Oh, God. Like I see skins, I see scalps. I see yeah

I get a fur trailer are you oh the Oregon Trail cleaning crimes Oregon Trail like the guy

in Red Dead too yeah well it'll be fur trapper yeah the trapper I got scouts

it's a lot of fur a lot of fur a lot of fur oh shit and so with this one he was one of the longest times I'd ever seen

and the aftermath was because And a lot of these people, they'll also die due to alcoholism or alcoholism-induced suicides. That's a lot. Yeah, that's a myth. I mean, in the sense where a lot of times

alcohol makes you more susceptible to falls. And falls make you more susceptible to death because when you are drunk of thinner blood, so if you actually fall, you're more likely to pass out and bleed out. So that's what happens a lot. I have to clean up a lot of those funny. enough.

You too? That's why I'm like, I know exactly what it is. I'm like, yep, alcohol-induced death. They fell. Oh, no. They were drunk and they fell. Or did they slip on something? They were drunk and they fell.

Yeah, and they crack their head and then they bleed out because your blood is really thinned out by alcohol. Man, I fell down the stairs when I was drunk one time. That's right. It's so fucking dangerous. You're going to bump your head and go to bed and not wake up. in the morning doing that shit. These Mexicans were picking up a mattress of mine that I was giving

away. Went to bed, bumped his head couldn't get up in the morning. I was so excited that they picked it up. It was raining. I came running in the house and I'm like, how do you? These guys picked up the bed and I slipped right at the top of the... You know how my stairs are. Oh. I slipped at the top and went like flat out

bubub, bubub, bubub, down like seven stairs. Everyone was laughing. That's my biggest fucking nightmare. I know. I hate... I fucking the way my stairs are in my house. You could get a running start across the street and run through the front door of my house and like if you were going fast enough,

you would decapitate yourself, just falling down the stairs. Okay. See that picture real quick, though? That's the entrance to that bathroom you saw. Yeah. See that basketball? He's shooting hoops, man.

No, that's a hat! Look, it's a hat in one of those... That's just one of those protectors. Oh, shit. Oh. Well, that was nice, yeah. That is tight, man. The part that always kills me about hoarders, too, is they keep all this shit because

it's so important. And, oh, you know, I might sell it one day and blah, blah, blah. But, like, what happens is it, like, homogenizes with the smell and all the fucking... Just turns into filth. All the measma cloud around it of just filth, yeah. Oh, look at this dog. Is this a good story? That's one of the neglected animals I talked about.

Oh, no, I don't want to see that. Oh, look at this. It's a nice place. I think the guy who lived here before me was a hoarder. Oh, in my house. How do you get that? There's telltale signs. One or two.

Are there? What are they? I would say you should really check all the baseboards, the walls, and the ceilings. They're all fucked. You've got to check if they're smokers. Okay. Yeah. A lot of times it'll be if there's like the caked-on kind of film, if nobody cleans their walls,

especially if there's a lot of kind of dead gnats you can see that those get stuck on the walls especially in higher places these uh these Vietnamese people came in afterwards and flipped my house and did like the shittiest job of renovating it that there's ever been

the floors all creek the crow the molding on the walls they they went around the house 360 degrees but they didn't measure it so it gets more and more crooked so by the time it meets back to original one it's off by like an inch and a half but every once in a while a neighbor will tell

me like yeah that guy used to have stack newspapers all the way up to the ceiling like oh man you made me like living here even less thanks yeah this place was a story too this one yeah okay what happened here this one is the one that that dog is connected to

um so what happens this place this place. Oh, your call ends in 15. There. What the hell? What the hell? Anyways.

So this was like a house out in like unincorporated areas. So they didn't fall under like the same jurisdictions other people did. Anyways. But this was like a rich ass like three story house two car garage. It was gorgeous. and it was just completely hoarded out like this.

This was after quite a considerable amount of cleaning, this picture. But this is like, I guess you'd call it like the kind of man cave area. I don't know. Sure, it looks like a main cave. Exactly. Or the in-law suite. The in-law suite is what it is. You go under, and so they had a teenager living there.

So that's like the main kind of little living area for his 13-year-old girl. and then like the bedroom is behind me. But yeah, it was just that's so much dog and cat shit and door dash and flies. That was one of the worst smells besides like decomp that I've smelled, one of the worst. DoorDash has made things a lot worse. People just sitting around accumulating like bags. Yeah. Yeah.

They're banning all the fucking plastic bags at grocery stores, but now every time I get a paper bag, I have to carry it out. There's no fucking handles now. Yeah. They all fucking break off. It's such bullshit. It's like they lick it like they're putting stamps on and then put the handles on it. It's like, what the fuck is this? Is that what happened?

They finally banned plastic? That's what they're trying to do. But then it's like DoorDash. Everything else comes in. It's plastic. The fucking cars are plastic. Our fucking trash bags are plastic. What the fuck?

Yeah, I noticed that all the bags got shitty or stuff. again. Yeah. Fuck. Because I was using those my bathroom trash bags and then I'm like, cool, go to the store you know, reuse them once. Get some trash bags, you know,

get some fucking get on my beard. Everyone reused them. Everyone did. They're the perfect fucking little garbage bags and then now I have to use this paper bullshit like I'm making book covers in fucking school again. Oh my God. Women are these... Look at this cookie.

These cookies that everyone hates. The cookies that They're like... Fucking cookies. Me too, but I always get ripped on for buying them. I always pick up

the cookies with the thick frosting. They're really cheap ones. No, Loft House fucked the game up with those. Dude, look at this. This was a 13-year-old girl? Jesus Christ.

Pizza Hut? The multiple pizza hut boxes? Gaming chairs. And this pink gaming chair. God damn it. That's why I had to get that picture. It was so good. You know,

I have all these pictures still for insurance, because we had to take them for insurance purposes. But I got certain angles. I got certain angles. on purpose. Oh, that looks great. This is her.

Got to Photoshop the damn bitch. Where are these fucking hoarders getting all the coffee cans? I'm sorry, so that was the original guy. That's the bathroom again. Yeah. And then that's the little girl again. Oh, well, you know.

You see those flies? These flies? God damn. Yep. The entire wall. Um, wait, R.

Do you know who Murlogic is? very very little about him you might be you might be paying him visit one day my wife was saying you were listening to the melodic interview he's called in he calls in here a bunch he's he's an odd guy we got to get him on we got to get him on again yeah get him on biggest problem my services man i love this job so you got my my uh friend of mine lives in a um well a guy I do a show with lives in a place that could probably use your services. The walls are falling apart.

The walls are like gooey. That's right. He puts his finger right through him. He's got no door on his bathroom. What would you think about that? Oh, that's so common. It's so common among hoarders? It's so common among hoarders. Among the drug addicts? Like, come on.

It's one of the first things to go. It's weak. How many microwaves have you seen that are dismantled at any of these microwaves not as many as like it's usually nowadays cell phones like tons of cell phones and electronics

you'll see some pictures here in a bit of like just a ton of stolen laptops iPhones that was who's doing this year 3D printers oh I bet they love 3D printers

yeah you got to make more stuff out of nothing yeah okay wait where's the where's the laptops let me find that one Oh, God. Oh, yeah, you get a lot of fix here. Yeah, keep going. So this is, okay, so if you wanted to see, this is one of those tweakers. Oh, yeah.

Some of the stuff you can see. See, the bathroom door is the first to go. Tweakers always got to draw their face somewhere. It's so crazy. I love that shit, man. They're like, let me slap a mirror on this wall. I got to make sure I look good. We got to check in on Merlot.

this is bathroom door uh demons taking over uh yeah skits of stuff wow this is like uh my mental damn oh sex toys these are the toys these are the toys i thought you were talking about um that's actually a small collection

as far as like we're if all things to hoard yeah yeah that's like that's like a starter kit Nick Ricker carries more sex toys than that in his trunk It was like 10 of them. Time. Jesus

Christ. These are just squatters, though. These are just squeaker squatters. They could only have such a collection, you know. We got to wrap up. There's only so much hoarding.

Thank you for calling in. Yes, thank you. Now I'm thinking about brains missing my stuff. Does anything make you a rage in particular? Make me rage. Yeah, does anything

piss you off? God. Now I'm such a fucking clean freak all the time when I go over at other people's houses. Now that I take care of old people, the system, the health care system makes me fucking rage, especially how we treat our old people in hospice. Yeah. We want to keep them alive until they're literally raisins for no reason. We should kill them right away. I agree. That's right. Right away. Put them in a maze or something. They can't get out.

Knock them over. Mays even. Put them in like a trap that gets more complicated every day. Don't say that I'll be out of a job. You can make the traps. Somebody's got to make the death traps. They're just getting older and older. We're like we're working our way into a shoot.

This problem is getting worse and worse, isn't it? Because even if they're longer, even if they live longer healthier. Sorry, go ahead. We're living longer. but we're not living healthier. And that's the big fucking problem is I'm taking care of these people for again, five years now. I'm still seeing plenty of 70-year-olds that look like they're 90,

but they're completely out of their minds. They're miserable. They're being tortured in these places, yet we're still force feeding them just because the family member, because they're like letting go. We need like a run. It's like, oh, they don't want to eat. We're going to put a tube in their stomach.

Oh, they're refurb. refusing to be changed, we're going to put a catheter in them. It's like for fuck's sakes. They're living and then they... Let them fucking die. Let your old people die. People have the right to die, especially when they've gone on this long. That's what makes me fucking rage is people that can't respect other people's lives and decisions.

Yeah, that's a good one. If you don't work, you don't eat. Once you stop working, we're not eating anymore. You're done. Yeah. Goodbye. If your body chooses not to eat, that's the natural. dying process and a lot of people don't respect that but that's like a hospice workers one of

the first tricks of the trade they stop eating that means it's time for them to go uh-huh um yeah okay well thank you enjoy your enjoy your day enjoy your big enjoy the enjoy the patriot bull or the uh you know the other one the halftime show i'll enjoy kid rock okay see yeah thank you bye uh uh Brains, brains, brains. I didn't know. It was like a foam. I got to double check that. Man, shitting your brains out is such a clad.

Close the loop forever in my mind. Should we do voicemails and then Johnny's brain rat? Oh, man. Well, we got Black History Month edition. Oh. I want to get on Minecraft, man. I know. I want to get on Minecraft and get him some good trouble.

Whatever it is. I want to get on Mind. crap and make some brown brits. Presenting Song two. Whoa. Stop everything. Stop it all. I got a song from your man Martian. Cool.

He wrote a whole thing. Hey Dick, here's the Eric July Buster Baxter song. The vocals are made from samples of Eric July spazzing out. The backing tracks instrumentals are made from 1970s movie soundtracks like Shaft and Superfly that I remastered and chopped up. I added some electric piano drums and hand claps when needed. To Johnny the audio, and he's giving an acceptance speech. This was a mess to arrange in Pro Tools.

A lot of tempo shifts, leveling out all the EQ differences between different eras and recording sessions. Most of the processing was done with emulations of classics 1960s 70s hardware and run through an AIMEX ATR 102 on the master bus. Enjoy. Were you using the U-A-D plugin, I imagine? This is already. It's already out of control.

Already out of control what he's doing. Well, thanks, your man, Martian, for taking the time to do better than the avalanches. Thanks for the fucking play-by-play of how to make this song. That's cool, man. This guy really took his time on it. Here we go. Hopefully it's just a bunch of farts. Hell yeah.

Eric told his critics to pull up, puller, puller, pull up. Knocks my home. Bread, my employees. Drop my house Puller Damn, It costs the line He knocks my home

Puller Threatening my employees This is a arranged Strong cooler Damn serious business, man Whole nigger shit That's legit The whole nigga shit

That's the whole nigger shit So There's a monster-looking-ass-neck-neged Dittster Own up to it You're a shitster Some bust ass, nigger You're talking shit about

You a shitster Some buster Baxter look at ass nigger Ditzster Maxter look at ass nigger Damn you're man, Marsha You really snap on this Eric told his critics to pull up

Pull up Knocks my home My employees My employees Is Robert You're a man Martian. Your man Martian. Your man Martian. Thank you.

Our man, Martian. That's wonderful. That's wonderful, man. What makes me a rage is fucking, that show, Bob's Burgers. That shit fucking blows. It's the most quirk-chungest fucking show. Fucking Bob's Burgers, man. It's just the worst fucking show.

And have you ever talked to anyone who is a fucking show? fan of that show, it'll make you want to blow your fucking brains out. Thank you, fuck you, bye. Fucking Bob's Burgers, man. Fucking bullshit-ass show, Bob's Burgers. Making a pun about burgers? Fuck that. Burger's serious.

Johnny, how you doing? Sean, if you're listening, I miss you. Sean's honest. You want to make me a fucking, something that's tip of me off? No, and, and, and, and, come on now. Deviated from reality, that is. Yeah. Hey, Johnny.

I got, oh, what pisses me off? And it's listening to your blue-collar friends tell you how much money they make. I make so much money. I'm doing so well. Oh, my God. And then they turn around and the next second, the next sentence is literally how much they hate their life. I hate doing what I do. Oh, my God, I swear to God, if I could do anything else, fuck me.

I want to kill myself. Like, you weren't just gloating about how plumbing was making you a shitload of money. two sentences ago. Like, make up your mind. Do you like doing what you're doing for money or do you want to fucking blow your brains out? Like, the, like, the

right wing, whatever cope it is that like the trades are a gold mine that you really fuck college and, you know, a white collar labor. What you really need to do is get a shovel. It's a shovel ready job. Like, yeah, I mean, but I have these things called

knees and a back. Like, you remember when, before we had, like, computers and stuff, you remember I have all the songs from that day where, like, my fucking back is tore up, and my hands are the size of cinder blocks, and I drink, I drink like a six-pack or waddle of whiskey every fucking night because I'm in so much pain because of the physical labor. It's so obnoxious to see. Got hands the size of Virginia hams, man. You got to get, these are shovel-ready jobs.

Yeah, I don't have a shovel-ready back, dude. Like, you cannot do that your entire life. It will fuck you up big time. Didn't you read great expectations? Man. Hey, Dick. Uh, you know what makes me rage? When I give voice commands to my GPS

and it tells me it can't understand what I'm saying or it doesn't know what I mean. Mm-hmm. And I see it spell it out perfectly on my screen. That's fucking insane. All right, that's it. the goddamn screen, you bitch.

I don't know how Siri's supposed to work. Every once in a while I'll try it. Like, hey, Siri. I've never had it enabled on my phone because I feel like everyone who talks to it in front of other people is a fucking retard. Asshole. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Dick, hey Johnny. Oh, fuck, man. I just

came home from fucking work. Yeah. And the wall. I'm trying to fucking, I'm trying to have a few beers and watch YouTube. Okay. And, you know, I'm a bit of a loser. I watch shit on a flip phone because I'm just

You know Fuck touchscreen I try to blow on YouTube YouTube works just fine on this phone I have one mega bit of RAM And it just seems like YouTube just decided To update their fucking shitty fucking code Like while I'm at work

And now oh man This phone that I've had for like This flip phone that I've had for two fucking years Oh well now I can't even fucking use YouTube anymore Yeah, it's done. Oh, I'm stuck eating towards. This shit. This phone upgraded to, like, liquid display.

Oh, yeah. It just doesn't work anymore. Like, everything's a bubble. The hitbox on everything's shrunk. So I can't poke the buttons right. It's just trash, I guess. It's over. I don't know how, you can't go back.

Hey, Dick and Johnny, I've got a, what's pisses being off for you. The other day, I'm walking into the grocery store and I see the aisle carts outside. I've got to grab one and this older guy, boomer dude, walks out, uh, already with

his groceries. He, he was putting his cart back and he goes, oh, here, just take this one and push over me rather than just going, no man, I'll, thanks, I'll grab my own. I just say, oh, okay, thanks, and I grab it. It's just got a wobbly bullshit, shitty, shitty fucking wheel.

Classic new move, dude. Hit him in the head. It was like a really shitty wheel. You can throw a shopping card. He decided to like hand it back over to me. Like it's kind of like a fucking dick. I was like no way.

Right in the back. I love it was a prank. But yeah, accepting the shitty wobbly cart from fucking strangers when they're like, here take my. That's an ass. Exactly what boomers have been doing to us with Social Security this whole time. What is going on with jelly meats? Yeah.

Buy it and then it's expired two days later. What's the fuck? Yeah, great call. Great fucking call. Why is... It's the applewood! Why is preserved meat go bad so fucking fast? I don't get it.

I don't know. They're fucking around with the meat. They're fucking around. You can tell. You can tell. Great call. I'm white and my dad washes his chicken and...

You're not white, my friend. in general in the sink. Not with soap and water. Oh. Just with water. Still not white. Well, he's a very white, very racial man.

No. So it's not just black people. Black people are washing it with soap. Yeah, but the soap is the part that makes it unhealthy. Right. But the fact that he's got something even remotely in common of the act of washing his chicken with a group he supposedly

despises, I don't know about that. That's suss. I don't think he's super racist. That's suss. You're right. You got to check him on that. All right. Let's do this one. Johnny's brain wrong. Oh, man.

Look at what I wrote up top. I said, I'm sorry. I'm sorry in advance. Oh, great. So here, okay, Dick. Now, I'm a big fan of really going down. So many of you listeners out there and viewers have sent me so much great brain rot to my Instagram that I'm like, God damn.

Like, I hope I can find something new. And sure enough, oh, man, I got in when this. had seven likes. So this is a new frontier in Black History Month, all right? We have a cake with a face on the side with one of those like edible ink things on the side

and a little hole in front of a cup. Now mind you, this is based on a cake with a cupcake in front. Now Dick, go ahead and you got the volume on, I see. Now go ahead and hit play. Shaquilla is the account. Shaquilla. One two, three.

Oh, Jesus. Glitter came out. So you can blow out your cupcake through your cake and blow glitter all over your fucking house. It's a picture of herself. Yeah. Is on the front of the cake

Blowing it out. Pointing at a cupcake with a candle and there's some kind of a hole through the cake. Filled with glitter. Filled the glitter that she's blowing into to blow out the candle. This is a new low.

My baby wanted a glitter blow cake for her sweet, And y'all know I had to make it happen. Jesus Christ. Is that in the Minecraft? Is that in black Minecraft? I don't know.

And y'all know how to make that happen. You all know. I don't think they have a pixel or a cloud physics, particle physics like that. My baby won a glit blow cake for her sweet 16. And y'all know how to make that happen. Let's just, what? And listen to how impressed everyone is, too. Go ahead and hit play on that again.

What? Two, three. The little girl is correct. The little girl got it. The idiot mom and the idiot teenager blew it out too fast. The little girl starts singing happy birthday, which is correct. Yeah. Just fucking everything about this is a new...

This is the ghetto shit. When I say my little sis Sinatra, spelled with a why? Yeah, dude. Andrews did her big one. As usual, my cake lady, better than yours. Better T-H-E-N. Yours. Thanks again, sis.

She loved it. She literally cried when I came through the door with it. Well, fucking blows me away. It's like, why don't you, like, why are you using the cake to blow out? Like, you could just have the actual person blow out the fucking... Dude, I'm telling you, I got in so early on this one. I'm like, man, thank God. It's called a blow cake.

A glitter blow cake. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's pretty much what I'd say. I mean, I can't. I can't look at these pictures anymore. All right. Say grape and then the word. So China will bootleg literally anything.

And again, in honor Black History Month, I bring you Chinese sales. Chinese black lady? China has cloned a black lady. A new frontier and digital blackface. This is Lily, our client from Africa. No, it's not. A collective from Africa. She ordered a thousand machines here.

Chinese machine, good, good. This is Lily our collective from Africa. She ordered a thousand machines here. Chinese machine, good, good. So it's a very obviously two Chinese ladies. She ordered a thousand machines here. One of them is in blackface. And they're doing a fake ad for machines, Chinese machines.

This is my client from Africa. Okay. With obviously white hands and a white neck. and pearl white teeth Okay Not any kind of Not correct black color skin either Yeah so what was this one?

Oh fool and his money Our student parted Now Dick this has been getting sent to me This asshole does eye color Changing surgeries And every one of his fucking clients Looks horrifying What?

Dude this shit is abominable This isn't up front of God Honeygold and looks amazing Colorize simulator Is at mycolorize.com To look at different colors So this asshole unclos your eyes What do you think he's going to say?

Wow, it looks good All of my family is FaceTime and seen They all love the results And they consider it too From Texas and the process was easy Seamless, great staff Which I had done in soon Any comments for somebody who's thinking

About having their eye color changed? Do it Wait, really? Yeah, dude, look at this guy's page He's the doctor. Not this guy, but if you look at the page That would be crazy. That would be crazy.

This asshole is putting what he's calling Revere Blue in the people's eyes And making them white Just do it And you enjoy it It's like that's place to come And how do you feel about looking at yourself In the mirror now?

I feel good I'm happy with the change I wanted to do it And I love the results Look him up His name speaks for itself He's amazing Holds him at gunpoint

I think off camera To do it's Dr. Boxer Washler What? That's real? Beverly Hills Cornea Iceurgeon This is

Fuck. But look, he's fucking just scanning with black people's eyes? Yeah. I mean, white people too. That's how of honey gold. But the reason you had it wasn't the typical reason why you would explain. My great-grandmother, who was Indian lady, her eyes turned gray. From the outside end, we always call her like the devil.

It looked like that. So his job is, he takes black people and fucks up their eyes? Yeah. Pretty much. I mean, again, he does the white people too. And it's just as horrify. Probably more so, even. But he's been selling this.

Well, what he does is he basically like peels the tomato skin layer off your eye and then puts fucking ink in there. He tattoos your eyeballs? I don't know what the process is, but it's like, there's a picture where it's like undone. All these people look fucking like freaks after. That's funny. Let's do it. Mistics include scratchiness. Why are these weird men getting their eyes changed?

I don't know, but like goofy fallout colors. Dude, it's fucking. It'll look like a creative character-ass motherfuckers. Yeah. It's insane. What is this? What is this guy doing? Looking like, if I saw someone like that walking around, I'd be terrified.

He's like a balding middle-aged man before with big ass thick eyebrows. And now he's a goofy-ass middle-aged man with silver eyes. Yeah. It's fucking... Looking like a Harry Potter CG? It made me fucking sick, man. I was like, what the fuck is going on? This guy needs to be locked up.

Yeah. Dude, and he does blue for people's eyes and the blue always comes out so bad. They always come out bad. That was the process. The process was fucked. Of course, the audio's louder than his voice

so you can't hear it. Why is there this music? Oh my god, you match my eyes. For people who were maybe a little nervous about this process, how would you be? You shouldn't be afraid of it. You should be afraid of this.

Your eyes are all bloodshot, too. Does that clean up? Or are these guys alcoholics? Yeah, they keep saying that they're like, oh, it'll go away. But it's like, I don't know, dude. Even some of the afters will still look fucking so bad. You just fuck your eyes up forever. Yeah.

It's crazy, man. How vision is... How vision is lost? Just like a hernia. Because the collagin and the cornea is... Yeah, it's all boring shit, but like... Okay. I'm back with an update on the swollen eyes.

Chronicles sitting out here having my coffee on the porch. 61 to 80% of women experience dry eye disease during menopause? What? It's just fucking bullshit, dude. But go to, like, yeah, dude. This is like, it's turning black people into vampires. Yeah, that's what it is. Dude, it's totally fucking weird.

It's turning them into blade. Yeah. It's got a blade factory. That's what it fucking is, dude. What the fuck? This looks like shit. Mm-hmm. And he's selling this enough to have a fucking whole office at Beverly Hills and I'm like

What are these bitches think they're getting out of this? Dude, whole gray eyes of course. Oh, this is gonna look nice. This is gonna look hot. Nothing, nothing better looking than a black woman with fucking steel eyes color. Fucking. Like aeon flux. Yeah.

Except fat. Just insane. Fucking insane. This is her glow up too. Look at this makeup. Yeah. That's the. after.

Low intensities for people who prefer a more subtle natural, yeah, subtle natural look. It's neither subtle

nor natural. It looks great. Yeah. Really natural. Um, man. But yeah, it's just,

he's taking advantage of these fucking weirdos. Uh, is there anyone good looking who's doing this? Or is it all just like homeless people? It's like fucking

insane loop like maniacs. My new green eyes. Fis, you don't have green eyes. You've decided to have your eye color changed. Tell us about the process.

that made you feel comfortable about doing it. What took the longest was the research. It's not something that I had thought of before until I saw it had been done. It piqued my interest. I wanted this to be a way to... What research did you put in? Hey, would it look weird

if a black lady had green eyes? Came up as an ad on Instagram. She was like, oh, wait, I could get my eye color change. You're to learn more. Yeah. Your eyes are clashing with your fucking dashiki. Like, you're not allowed to wear um, culturally appropriate clothing anymore.

Because it doesn't go... You're no longer culturally appropriate. Yeah. That's an affront to God. The Ghostbusters? What are these guys doing here? Fucking... Ghostbusters!

All right. Dude, this is weird. I didn't know this existed. I wish I didn't know it existed, but he's... Oh, yeah, I watch this. Your eyes blasted out. It's usually... The colorized procedure is about...

Oh, see, look. ...20 minutes per eye. We use numbing gel. Dude! Very comfortable. Risks... And... Oh, Tony from Hacked the Movies has to see this.

Send this. I'm going to send this to Tony from Hacked Movies right now. He fucking hates eyeballs getting fucked with. Oh, let me send this to him right now. Oh, that's so good that that's perfect. I'll send it to him out right after the show. Dude, that is so fucking gross. Why would he put that on the...

It's fucking insane. No, dude, it's fucked. This whole guy is fucked. Why is a guy who looks like Johnny 26 getting a, I changed color. You're ready? I'm ready. Getting your olive green.

Here we go. He just looks like a normal guy at first, and then it's a fucking monster afterward. Yeah. It's like a fucking vampire. And how is it when you look at your eyes? That's divorced dad type shit right there. That is fucking divorced uncle even like that.

God damn. You know what? Turn my teeth into eyes. How about that? What? Turn my eyes into teeth even. I got my teeth turned into beautiful blue eyes. Install more eyes underneath my eyes underneath my teeth.

cheek bones and some up here too. Put my eyes on the back of my head. Yeah. This looks like crap. Okay. It's fucking crazy. So I got one last one and this Happy Valentine's Day Dick. Oh yeah. Shit. You've got... yeah. You gonna change your tamper? It says when he thinks he's about to handy clap my cheeks but I have a diaper on, yes I'm disabled.

You dokey? Did you dokey? Fucking... Want me to change your camper? I wish the internet didn't exist, Dick. Did you dokey? I mean, you know what, honestly? It's not funny to me because of how many diapers I changed.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's not funny to me either because I'm like, who the fuck? I mean, it's like, I don't even get like, it's like, oh yeah, that's real cute. Yeah. No, that didn't even... Make a shit. Go ahead. That didn't even, yeah.

It's just like... Fucking A, man. Is she really disabled? I think so. I checked her account and was like, man, that's like a fucking, like, why do people need to be posting this shit? I mean, I understand why. It's because I need shit to bring into the show. But people don't need to. It's because black guys are wrong. Yeah. But yeah. Doing a pile driver. Yeah. Everyone thinks I'm dumb because I'm disabled.

They think you're dumb to in trouble. Right. But yeah. This is couples comedy. Right. Talking about... Couples comedy. Just riveting. Sickening and...

Man. So... That's what it would be if you had to date like an improv comedian or something. You know, we should do a video, say... How about that video? How about this video? Yeah. This video. Murder suicide video.

Murder chungicide. Chungicide is the name of the episode. everybody. Patreon.com slash the Dix Show. I hope your day is much better than...

Let's watch the Super Bowl ad. Oh, let's do it. Super Bowl... Every year I always watch that Andy Milanakis video where he's singing about the Super Bowl is gay. Oh, yeah?

That's a great one. Look at this. Here we go. Baling. I'm a loser. All right, the ball, dude. Did you see that?

Come back Bro, look at Come on They've got to They're like They're like They're not They're

They're They're They're They're They're Revenue is the soul of levity In this one

They made The A couple of the Jews In accounting They're like I got a good idea For an ad

To wordy The creative Jews are like We're out of here You guys Good luck I'm sure It'll come in

Under Budget Do not Listen that. Oh, he's a gay black guy? Do you hear that? Do not listen to that. That's how, if I had to match the dialogue with the person, I would have said, oh yeah, that's the black guy. Yeah. Do not listen to them. Do not listen to that. That was the best reading. You got? I know how it feels. I know how it feels. I know how feels.

You know how feels to be called a dirty Jew? Look. Maybe you shouldn't skimp on the bag. That's like the... Is it the same?

I think the N-word is a little worse. Well, you can put that on some kids backpack in a commercial, but I say it when a... That's crazy. I know how it feels.

Thank you. Oh, it's a gay sign of there. I know how it feels. I know how it feels. How does it feel? The one he knows. Tell us how it feels? It's a blue square on a backpack, man.

I know exactly how it feels. There's a blue and white square on a backpack. He's like Iron Man. But he's a Golem Man, standing up for Jews, man. He's steel gray eyes, man. He needs to get eye surgery. That guy, he needs to silver up those eyes. like the fucking silver hawks.

Silver hawks! He's got to put some blue... Could they put little stars of David in his eyes? That's what's coming next, dude. Like Beer Fest? Maybe. Man, it's all because of that one mugshot. That one mug shot where the guy's blue eyes

and all the chicks are like coming their brains out over it. Now all black guys are like, I got that fucked up. I got to look like a fucking lunatic. I got to look like that one famous criminal, not like all criminals. Stand out a little bit Share the blue Share the blue and show you care

Man, I'll share that fucking blue Put it everywhere I'll paint my whole house But if you paint your root now Then I don't get zapped from space Oh yeah What was this kid gonna do? Look at how upset he is

He's got the eye right now He's got the eye He's gonna go sue them He's like I'm gonna fire up the ACLU machine today He's going to walk over there and then slip and then sue the school, slip and fall. God, I can't wait. Wait, man. I'm going to start throwing popcorn everywhere like infomercial.

Ah, is this ever happening? Just throw the whole bowl of them? Where can I get all the blue post-it notes and put them all over everything? It looked thicker than a post-it-note, right? It looked like one of those coasters that buzzes when you're on a restaurant. Well, look how he has it on his shirt. It's not even sticking, I don't know what this is It's not sticking like a correct post of note

It's probably special effects They're not working, bro Yeah, you're right, I was tripping What's your name? What's your name? Why are they hugging? Okay Why is the white kid saying, yeah, I'm tripping?

White Wow You missed the whole point of the commercial, Johnny? You fucking failed the commercial test I'm just saying You fucking failed the test For it to be Black History Month You know

I don't know man What's your name I know exactly how it feels To be called a dirty Jew I just thought that was your name Set it on the backpack If there's one group If there's one group that gets picked on

In high school It's uh It's black guys who are seven feet tall Yes They you know They get non-stop childish bullying, because everyone knows that they'll take it. They'll take an infinite amount of teasing and never just fly off the fucking handle and start firing off blows at anyone who's around.

There's one individual in high school who knows what it's like to stoically take all arrows and slings and insults. It's the seven-foot-tall black guy. That's what you say Just go pick on him Infinite patience Fuse is a mile long Yeah just have Adam Definitely doesn't have a gun

This kid was called There was a kid in my high school Fabian He was about that He was about that tall Basketball something or other played American?

American basketball Yeah basketball I was just thinking like there was this kid in my school named Dante and I was telling you about this earlier I completely forgot about it until today too Yeah he would he had like the nice guy yeah The thinnest little flat top buzz sides And he would wear the yellow Bruce Lee outfit every day

Every day without fucking wavering Every fucking day you could see him in this And he had those 80s like leather fingerless gloves Like the little like D ring kind of cut out Yeah And like the little like hole the air holes in it Oh, that's cool. And during lunch, he'd always be like roundhouse kicking trees and shadow box and shit

and doing that like Shaolin fucking, you know, the thing with the sticks on it and you do your routines on it. He was doing that kind of shit. Asian stuff fucked up, black people. It really did, man, because he started talking. It's like their AI. One shot at them. He started speaking Chinese and shit and we put Chinese curses on you while he was beating

your ass. That guy was cool. I wonder what happened to him. I remember I have only like one. memory of Fabian. He was in I think it was in social studies class.

He was talking about he was talking about how to have sex and he was talking about how you really got a, he was talking about how you got to warm girls up.

I don't remember why he was talking about this. Crazy. He was telling everybody about it. You got to get in there. You got to get in there. You know what they say about blind prostitutes, right?

What? You really got to hand it to him. That's a Fred Willard one. That's a good one. All right. Goodbye, everyone. See you, everybody.