The Dick Show - Episode 497 - Dick on SomaliaScan.com

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

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Fuck yeah. Oh, oh fart in. Oh, fart N. Me when I... That poor woman. Where's your million dollars? Doesn't everyone...

Don't you get a million dollars if you're a little white lady saying an N-word? I thought that was the deal. Me when I'm on my last one and fuck it up still. Fart in? You got one.

Everybody gets one. And then your life's over. Then you can say it as much as you want. Ah, so you want to say fart in, huh? You can say it when you're living in a van down by the river. What a piece of shit. Was that HGH television? If I go to my parents' house and my dad's watching some shit on HGH television,

I'm going to smash his TV for supporting that shit. For supporting the woke mob. For supporting the woke mob. I'm going to throw my son right through the television set. Turn that shit off. You turn that shit off, dad. We say fart. We say fart in.

You better get a fart in out if you're going to watch that HG. TV shit. They just fucking destroyed that poor woman. What the fuck? Who leaked that shit? Get his ass! You know what? As much as I... Put a fucking jihad on his ass, what? Well, because you know the Winnebago man clip

where he's like trying to... They're trying to shoot the Winnebago... And he didn't drop any end bombs did he? He didn't. He didn't. But they compiled that clip. That's how he knows an act. Well, no, they were trying to compile all those clips because they were trying to get him fired because they hated working with them so much. Wait, really? Yeah. That's why they did that? Yeah.

So they were passing that tape in turn... Those dirty bastards! Right. So then when I see shit like this, I'm like, man, it's a tale as old as time. They just fucking... They just fucking hate that shit. Always looking for a reason to fucking... God damn you people.

That's... This is golf. Oh, that makes my blood boil. I know, but that's what I'm saying... Almost as much as all the pedophile stuff I've read this week. Almost. They waited all this time. Or, you know, however many is.

Yeah. They've been waiting. Yeah. Oh, we can't release it now. There's too much... Somebody already... A white person already. call the black person then word this week. We gotta wait. We gotta wait till the time is right. God damn it. Can't Trump do something about that? Can Spencer Pratt do something about it?

Is Spencer Pratt gonna save Los Angeles? I don't know. Man, I got bad news first of all we got an amazing interview today with the Somali scam. That's great news. Man who's now a millionaire. That's even done it news since he was a wee lad since he was a wee remilio and now he's a millionaire. Is this working? You see this looks maxing shit? you see this clavicular what is his name? Is that his name? Like man anything related to the kick

side of the internet I just Bad news right I just kind of assume it's all bad So I'm just like Someone's already got coverage of that Like I'm like I see that kick logo I'm like is that like a Nickelodeon thing What's that logo all about

It's like seeing the stake logo on videos for me I'm like Why is this month So this guy's clavicular He's got like He's got plastic surgery out the ass. He's got like butthole whitening surgery that he does. He's looks maxing.

But he's all, every time I see him, he's with some dumpus ass woman that, that I wouldn't have fucked him my worst. You know what I mean? I mean, maybe my worst, but like, look, I'm just saying,

I'm just saying, look, he's put, he's all put together. Look at this shit dropped today. He, this is obviously all fake. Yeah. As soon as he, you know,

obviously fake. He steals this woman allegedly from this guy who's like pretending to cry about it on Valentine's Day. So it's like it's like porn, like in-cell porn. Yeah. And he's some sort of in-cell hero. But look at this. You mean to tell me you couldn't get a, you couldn't get a better looking woman than this?

You couldn't get a woman who wasn't wearing a thick-ass leather jacket because her body sucks. You couldn't find a woman who can wear something nice, something revealing. You had to get the one in a big leather jumpsuit. Hey, can you take your big leather jacket off so we can see what you look? like? No. He-he-he-he-he, okay. Pass. Goodbye. At least get a fat one with some big tits. Jesus Christ. You're fucking mid-maxing, bro. This isn't look-maxing. Don't pump yourself full of sterile-inducing plastic surgery drugs if you're gonna be, if you're gonna be chasing after the girl that gets left behind at 1.30 in the morning. Look-maxing is the devil.

It's bad. It's bad news. You should be you should be unc maxing or trash. maxing, you should be the bodybuilding, you should be picking up a guitar that you should be picking up something that you can ignore women with. Not look maxings is what women do. Looks maxing is what women do. They spend all fucking day shopping on Sephora online and imagine running themselves through filters to see how they could look better for men. That what are you doing? Act like a man! Stop this looks maxing shit! This is why and this is what you end up because the real the real look maxing that you need to do, and it's cheap and it's free.

The real looks maxing that matters. It's cheap and it's free. Is in here, in you. I see this, every time I see this poor bastard, this Joan Rivers of Men, this young man who's, every time I see him, he's getting embarrassed and humiliated. I think this is, someone's got to stop this. Someone has to stop this shit.

It's like Britney Spears, but for men, he's getting embarrassed, he's getting out, Chadmogged, or whatever he's doing. Every time I see him, I think, what the hell, it's, it's, it's, I can tell on him, I can smell it on him. I'm like, you still think. Just like, you know, fat kids will lose a bunch of weight when they become adults and then they're like, you can tell though. Because you're like, you can, I can still see in you. I can tell by your actions and the way you're holding yourself and the way you're talking to these women that you still don't look smacks inside yourself.

You're still, this ugly little weird, the way you're acting, the way you're not smiling. And that's why you end up with this dump. thick leather jacket. She's wearing a leather, she's wearing that leather like the cow wore it. Slumped over hard ass leather shell so you can't see the tits that don't exist, right? So you can't see the tits that are, not that they don't exist, but they're disappointing. Even the hair, even the hair is a shell. She looks trans-maxing. She's probably a real woman.

She's transmaxing. She got the trans hair so you can't see everything that's wrong with the jowls. She got the trans thick leather jackets since she could pack her child murdering AK-4. 47 under. What the fuck? You know what I woke up today? You got to stop this. Somebody's got to stop this kid. Somebody's got to stop this kid. He's not even having fun. He's doing it to impress women. Never. Never do anything to impress women ever. And if you did take it back. Yes. Take it back. If you hear, that was so impressive how you, what did you say? I rescinded. I take it back. Great Caesar's ghosts

I can't bear it I can't bear looking at it I really wanted today I'll just play the theme song I have bad news Are you Are you doing any lick-maxing? Why not?

Yeah Welcome Dick you want Dick, you know Dick, you love Dick You got it And showings of the contests The show where everything is a contest coming to you live from a mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city of a failure. I'm your host, Tickmasters, and joining me, as always, is Johnny the audio engineer. What's up, buddy?

Is Spencer Prack going to save Los Angeles? I can't hear shit today. I don't think he is, man. Well, they burned his house down, and he's pissed about it. So now he's running for mayor. And every time I see him, I think, shit, is he mayor? Is he going to be mayor? A lot of things are happening.

A lot of things are happening. No voter ID, so no women could vote, I read. No married women are going to be able to vote. vote because the voter ID because they're too stupid to fill it out? They're having a tough time figuring out who's the stupidest in America. The Magic Mirror is having a tough time figuring out who is the dumbest. Are they going to run with women are too stupid to get IDs or black people too stupid to get IDs? Which one's it going to be?

Which one should we go with? I don't know. You know, women are pretty fucking dumb. Well, gee, I don't know. Have you met black people before? That's what, that's how they talk to us. Okay, if you guys say so. Hmm

Um Spencer Pratt From the Hills Remember that show Reality show? I do Uh I want to see Book of Mormon

This week Was it your first time? No Okay I was like Johnny The first time I saw It was right when it came out I made a special

Me and my sister And her, I think he was her husband At the time He said let's go to New York And see it on Broadway Right This is a big deal for us. We finally get, we finally get one up on the system, you know. We finally get a fuck you

to the system. South Park's got a musical and it's amazing, right? So let's go. So we went. It's before my sister had any kids. We went. Went to Peter Luger. He's got wasted. Went to the show. I'm like, oh man. One of our friends was there with us. He was trying to impress this woman. So there was all kinds of seat switching right before the event. So I got stuck all the way. I took one for the pussy, you know? I'm like, you know what? I'll go sit by myself in the very back of the theater. Okay, I'll go sit in the very back

so you could try to get laid. All right, I'll go. There's one, you got one extra ticket and it's way in the bag. He said, you know what, it's fine. This is all, it's all I want anyway. I'm sure I'll have a good time in the back. There's no bad seats.

There's no bad seats at the Eugene O'Neill, Theota, right? So I go back there, and I actually enjoyed it. Because I just got to, you know, totally alone and watch this show, and it was perfect. I said that was absolutely perfect. That show was absolutely perfect. Wouldn't change a thing. I can't believe they did it. I can't believe they did it, right?

It's a show about a Mormon missionary who gets sent to Uganda to try to teach the word of a Mormon, of Joseph Smith and the Mormons, Jesus Christ, turns into a whole thing. because Uganda is hell on earth, right? They don't have any use for the teachings of Joseph Smith in Uganda, and that's the whole fucking point of it, right? That's why it's funny. But somehow they save the day with the teachings of Joseph Smith and the Mormon, so it's funny.

I wanted to see it again for Valentine's Day with my wife. I said, oh, man, this will be great. This will be a nice reset, nice palate cleanser. Let's take the, my parents will come over to take care of the baby. Started out bad. My parents come over and usually the baby's like, baby sees Nana and he's like, ah, you know, happiest he's ever been, right?

Ah, ah, he does that. Oh, he does that move. Ah! So Nana comes in and the baby goes, what the fuck? I'm like, what do you mean what the fuck? What is this kind of reaction? So I'm like, all right, well, I don't know, Nana figured out.

I'm going to go get changed. I go put a dress shirt on. Come back up and the baby goes, just starts melting down and like you gotta be fucking kidding me dude do you know that we're do you know that we're leaving and you're trying to fuck things up is that what's happening you I fucking know you know I could tell you know and you're just trying to fuck up the night you little asshole so the baby's downstairs I'd go to my dad I'm like he fucking knows he's never never screamed like this never never had like he when he was a baby he's just like ah

You know, for 15 weeks straight, but this is like angry, like, how this is like you betrayed me looking at me like, you fucker, how could you do this to me? Like, I'm not doing shit. I'm just trying to go out for an evening, all right? Or your mom's going to fucking explode, lose her mind. It's going to break. I can tell that it's going to fucking break. You know? You can tell.

You can always tell with your wife. You're like, oh, man, you're going to fucking snap. Sometimes they don't come back from that, too. You're going to fucking snap. So I said, all right, just. Said to my dad he's fucking isn't that crazy? He knows fucking melting down. I said we're gonna my head goes he does no shit He just has gas like are you are you fucking kidding me? Nobody could ever know anything Whatever, so we go

He doesn't know anything. God damn it only your dad dude Your dad is like God on earth Oh, you pick that up too, huh? He's like he doesn't know shit. What do you know? You don't even know how to stream to the fucking television every time you come over you ask me if the game is on. I got no games. I tell you every time. I got no fucking cable. There's no games. No games have ever been played here. Put it on your phone, casts the TV. Every fucking time you come in and ask. You don't know what's going on. The baby knows where the remote is, by the way. The baby knows that it's on the phone that goes to the TV. You don't know shit. You don't know shit. Don't fucking pass this shit to my son.

That's what you told me all the fucking time. You don't know what's going on. Don't you dare pass that to him. He knows what's going on. He obviously knows dad's wearing a shirt He never wears his shirt. Nana's over at five or six at darkness. Something is fucked. You know something is fucked and he's right. If nothing was fucked, you'd be right. He's an idiot.

But see, he is right. You can't... Someone can't be wrong if what they're predicting is happening, you jackass. We're Scott Adams. We're Scott Adams. I'm going to go talk to Scott Adams' bike. Go fuck yourself, Scott Adams. You fucking piece of shit.

Oh, you're burning in hell, Scott Adam. He doesn't know what's going on. You don't know what's going on, you fart N word? You're telling me a nice little blonde girl can't say fart in behind the scenes? My girlfriend was trying to sleep, and I played that clip for her. She just started laughing so hard, we were up for another two hours laughing at it. Oh, yeah? It's great.

It's the best thing I've seen on TV in years. well I guess off TV but still make it the whole channel that's two words you should give her a home improvement it's like a new channel fart end improvement

we finally unlocked a new variant on the theme huh wow huh where did that come from that was what that means

what that means fart in I don't even think I don't think you I don't think a black person would even kill you saying that if you were on the subway. I don't think so. It's more confusing than offensive. Yeah, they would be like, what?

Fart, and, did I fart? They would think, did I fart? Yeah, it makes you think, like, oh. Poor girl. She's getting a confusing message. I thought it was okay to do that. Well, was her word first, you see. She should have said, and fart. That would have been okay. Ah, that would see, that's run of the mill at this point. Was it hard R? Did she say hard Yeah. Wow, it's okay.

Come on. That's what makes me... It's like, it's so goofy at that point. George Floyd would have been okay with that. Oh yeah, speaking of... So, you go to Book of Mormon, and I'm getting... I'm getting hammered. I mean, like, it's the Indianapolis inebriated 500.

As soon as the channelmen starts your drinking. Kentucky Derby. I started watching the musical. play and I'm like oh yeah okay I think uh something is odd something feels off here I don't know what it is we get to the part where they're singing about

the guy raping a baby because he has AIDS the musical I'm like all right here we go let's hear that baby raping stuff you know here's funny right hit me with that baby raping stuff and he goes I raped a baby because I've got AIDS and I read it on Facebook and I said what

read it on Facebook what that's not and people are laughing. I'm like, that's not the... That's not where you read it? And the girl comes out with an iPad in the play. I'm like, iPad, what the... What the hell?

It's Uganda? What's going on here? I'm talking about Facebook misinformation? I'm like, what? And then the end comes. I'm like, oh, yeah, okay, this is the end when he, like, comes back to life and it's funny because it's like a whole Jesus,

like, you know, mirroring Jesus' resurrection, and it freaks the bad guy out and he runs away, right? That's funny. But then I'm watching it, and it's just like the villagers, all the Ugandan black people just like kind of go, wah! Yell at him. And he runs away and I'm like, what? What the hell's, what's happening here?

What, and it gave me a weird feeling in my brain. I said, ah, something's wrong. Maybe I'm just drunk. Something's wrong. So I go home, I wake up the next day. Something was wrong. Something's not quite right. I go look it up.

Book of Mormon. Fucking changes. Book of Mormon. giant article on the New York Times or something. It says after George Floyd, the cast said it was racist. So we have to rewrite, we have to rewrite and give the Africans agency.

So it's no longer racist. So we gave them an iPad and said it's Facebook misinformation is why the Africans think raping a baby. cures AIDS and that it's not a white savior. The play about it being a Mormon missionary bringing God to Africa is no longer a white savior story. Now it's just a bunch of Africans who decided to screech at a guy and save the day. I hate that so much. It's not like you guys couldn't give you just couldn't give me you couldn't give me this one

you had to take you had to take this one too so but the Mormon stuff is fine they're all still gay they're all still repressed homosexuals bumbling self-absorbed you know retarded

you make fun of one religion but yeah but not but the imaginary black people who are not black people they're Ugandans Africans from an imaginary and they're can't make fun of them man

all that battery recycling's finally getting to them I'm so sad there's not enough alcohol in the world to fix that play you got the Mormons though it's like when you see a good version like the original version

and then you see like the community theater version afterwards yeah we toned it down We didn't want you thinking that the Africans thought raping babies was a cure for AIDS. Oh, okay. So the Mormons are all gay still? Is that? Because I didn't think that. Exactly. That's what's crazy. They really think that though. That shit's really happening. Well, we saw the bus bench advertisements about that, remember? And like the billboard. Oh, yeah. Don't rape the baby. And then I woke up this morning and saw that the Silence of the Lamb people, the Simps, The Silence of the Lamb people apologize for not being more sensitive about trans issues.

Let me see if I have the quote. I thought it would be more stuff about the trans shooter when I clicked on the article. But it was actually stuff about everyone getting called Bustelo Bill afterward. Yeah. Yeah, let me see. The article I found about the Book of Mormon said, one of the guys in charge of it said, well, if Africa had sheep and cats, They'd be colonizing us.

No, they'd be fucking the sheep in the cattle. Fucking the sheep. Yeah. How'd that happen? Exactly. Yeah, have you not heard of whales in the UK before? Where do you think white people came from? Do you think Yacob made them?

So they would be just floating around? Hang on. How exactly do you think the colonization worked here? Shithead? Like, draw it out on the map. How it worked. It went like this. It went Africa up to the snow, and then whoop all the way around, back here.

That's how it happened. That's how it happened. There was no point Was this cycle unbroken? It's not that I think that Yakub made white people It's that I know deep in. You know it.

You know it. They should have put that in. Okay, trans shooter. Yeah, let me see if I have it. The film, there's certain aspects of the movie that don't hold up too well. We all know more. I'm a lot wiser about transgender issues.

This is the people who made Buffalo Bill with his weiner tugging his wiener between his legs and cutting up fat, women. That's probably like the most accurate representation though. I mean, it's like statistically and like if you look at... You're telling me there's not one? There's not one that fucking psychotic weirdo? And it also pissed me off because that's the worst line of the whole movie when Hannibal Lecter goes,

it wasn't a real transsexual. You're like, okay. Even when I was a kid, I was like, oh, okay, through that, all right. Okay, we get it. Nobody be a... but he get offended. All right. But they even said it at the time. He's not a real transsexual. He's just a weirdo. Right?

Remember that part? I do. The dumbest line in the whole movie. He's not a real transsexual, of course. Like, okay. You're like a psycho, people-eating guy. Shut the fuck up, Mask of Zorro.

Get the fuck out of here. Tell me about that shit. We know a lot. I'm a lot wiser about. transgender issues. Oh wow, okay. Some lines in the script that are unfortunate. Bill hates his own identity. Yeah, that's what Hannibal

Lecter says. He's not trans or gay. Oh. So he's straight. That's what they're saying. He's not trans or gay. He's actually a straight white male. That's the issue. It's

a straight white male. We got to start doing media, like how when Pharaohs died and were buried, they've They bury them with it. Every. Yeah. All their servants. Everybody, once a film is finished,

done. Murder everyone mass grave. Bury everyone involved so that there can be no revisions later on. No. Just, it's done. He wasn't gay or trans. So he was straight. That's what they're saying.

Huh. He was sick and straight. He's not gay or trans. I mean, he's obviously, he's obviously one of those. He's not. Right? he's obviously gay you think

do I think Buffalo Bill's gay yeah I do even as a kid when I saw the movie I was like that motherfucker's gay as fuck that guy's gay that guy it's just you just know he's got a bunch of like moths and shit so that was a straight guy with the robes and stuff doing that

and he for sure wasn't the moth man either mothman would have been cool buffalo bill's like he regrets the way Buffalo Bill's character was so we can't make even silence of the lambs anymore because Buffalo Bill's too fucking weird

and then you got um then you got Goofus McGee the trans shoot everyone those are these trans shooters now looking like total monsters right I mean give me a fucking break

this is looking fatter than hell real monsters oh yeah Ickis Trano Ickis and what were their names there's Ikees and there's

more Ickis. Ickis and ucus. Just barf sounds. We really couldn't make it today. Let me see if I got a picture of this trans shooter. Oh yeah, they called it a gun person. Did you see this interview? The cops are calling it a fucking gun person.

A gun person went on a shooting rampage. Killed a bunch of kids. fucking gun A gun person Whoever thought of that genius fucking terrible It's very offensive to the guys who own like a thousand rifles by the way Wait a minute, I'm a gun person This fucking thing is it a gun person

I hope you know I'm a gun man That's a gun person Yeah let me see this fucking freak This guy's just as bad throw him in prison Who's this guy? Is it naval captain what the fuck is this seal of shit behind him This is Captain Picard's dead BC Canada

25 injured 10 or dead Damn that's a good ass shooting gun person Word on the street from locals Was it was a teen boy dressed as a girl Which is why the police are calling it a gun person And mainstream media are saying it was a woman in a dress There's a man on the internet

Let's hear from the chief of police of Canada That includes the deceased gun person. Okay. Yeah. And then separately do you know the gun person's relationship to Yeah. How is anyone- Just call it attacker. Don't say gun person. We did what is the relationship to the attacker to the murderer to the criminal? What's the relationship with the murder man? Oh, you mean the murder person? Just murderer. Yeah, you can't offend. It's fine. Use your fucking adult words. Make sure you treat them with dignity and respect, which we're going to walk on eggshells for.

Never mind the fact that they fucking killed a bunch of people. Shit's changing, man. As the boomers are dying, this shit, this is going away. You're going to need, Israel's going to need a bigger ad campaign to keep this shit going.

Okay. Let's see. Oh. Here's something. Here's something you'll enjoy. Gun person. Silence of the. If he would have called them a fart

and that would have been I would have bought whatever they were selling yeah a fart person fucking fart person that's a crazy one this is fucked okay that's fucked you saw this shit

that's fucked these Frida baby things we have one of these it's like you stick a tube in their nose and then suck the snot out and there's I guess a filter to catch so you don't swallow a bunch of baby snot

there's a thing you stick in your baby's nose and there's another one that's like straw you stick in their ass to get the gas out because they can't do it. So this is their ad. What the hell? I don't want to see these weirdos. What the fuck? It is... This is the closest your husband is going to get to a threesome.

Meet the new 3-1 true temp thermometer. You stick it up your baby's ass. That's what this is. It's thermometer. This is the closest. your husband's going to get to a threesome. Well, a rectal thermometer is like a fairly standard. Like, it's a classic medical thing, right?

But for them to turn it into this shit is fucking weird. Is this like, why is everything got, why does everything have to be pedophile shit now? It's all chungest shit now. It is chungest shit now. They're just trying to be funny. Like, oh, see, here's. They have no, they've gone all the way around

where they no longer connect sex to actually having sex. Now it's just an office tier joke. Now it's just like a quirk chungis. Women own sexual, compulsive sexual jokes, but they have to insert into everything, even shoving a thermometer up a baby's ass.

It's so fucking weird. It is fucking weird. And they got it all over everything on their Instagram. They got a picture of a baby that says, this is what happens when you pull out too soon and it's a baby with like a booger all over its face, like somebody

just cumbed on it? It's fucking gross. That makes me fucking sick. It does make me fucking sick. It's like you don't need anything more than like you go into Walgreens and see like thermometer. It's like okay is it for oral rectal use like it says on it and then it's like

it just says what it is. It's a full of a bunch of like Chinese poison and shit. Oh no it's made in Denmark. Okay. That's all you fucking need. You don't need any sort of commentary on it. Just keep it a This is a cork chungus thing. It is. We got to throw them in prison.

It's like if they were fucking marketing this gavel and we're like, shove it in your pussy. Fucking jam it right in your fucking urethra. Hammer side first. Fucking so like. It's fucking gross. It's fucking, again, something that needed no commentary.

What's a device that sells itself because you're just like, it's like, oh, I need a screwdriver. It's just a fucking. Rectal thermometer. This is the closest your husband's going to get to a threesome. Ugh. I hope not I mean that's not

Having just having a conversation with two women is closer than shoving a rectal thermometer up a baby's ass I hope In my mind In my normal healthy Male mind That's closer to having a threesome than I don't want to think about this Who does

These fucking sickos Fucking sickos dude Sickos These people need to be in prison We got and then And then did you see the one of the fcine guys

he's like chewing on chewing on a little girl's vagina he's the billionaire that owns the company that takes all the school day pictures of all kids in the whole country that's so what is his name

Leon Black or something like that like I don't know man we got to start we got to start hang in these some people we got to start hanging in billionaires, a couple of them. A lot. All of them.

A lot of them. That shit is not, that shit is not going to fly. I wouldn't even care that they're billionaires. It's just that they're doing this kind of shit. And it's like, nah, I can't. Yeah. You could have been doing that as a billionaire and owning, like, a bunch of strip clubs or liquor company or something, but you're owning, you're owning the company that takes pictures

of every, not even, like, one of the companies that takes pictures, but every kid in the whole country? Dude. Yeah, you got, we gotta hang you. We got, we gotta hang you. At least. We have to. We can't move past this.

No, that's fucking... We can't move past this as a people until we get a couple good hangings out of this. A couple billion dollar hangings. I don't think, I can't. That's fucking... Can't move past it in my brain. That's fucking severe.

It's fucking deranged, man. Like, what the fuck? Do you have to raise that at school? Hey, no, pedophiles. People are biting on little kids' vaginas aren't owning these pictures, are they? Yeah, you're going to have to send your kid to school with his own packet

that says, actually, I'm not participating. I'm not doing picture day. He's the weird one now. Jesus Christ. Pedophiles all the way up, turtles all the way down. I get turned on easily. This is the quirk chungis. It really is.

It's not sexual. It's just quirk chungis. Well, look at the rounded corner on the, just on one side of the bottom of that packaging. It's just like that, like, look at how modern and fresh. It's just like make it a fucking, it's not this thing you're going to like, it's not like a MacBook or something like that that you're going to use daily and is like, we had a team of engineer. Yeah, it's just so fucking lame. Um Small business

SBA loans Are banned To non-citizens Effective on March 1st Oh Cool Hey The start

Was it retroactive by any chance They didn't mention that They're making a lot of announcements And it's missing like the Component of like Revenge Yeah clawbacks Like we're

We're no longer giving free money to Indians to buy gas stations Like oh okay And we're burning all them down Uh no We're just stopping Oh That's not enough Yeah

What's the point They need to go back We need to take it back I want white people filling up my gas tank every time I pull up the station I want a guy in a little hat Looks like he works it in and out I want a guy a little hat

who's proud to be working there. Yeah. I don't want two guys that look the same. I don't want some asshole on Bluetooth all day, completely fucking ignoring me when I'm trying to ring some shit up so I can get the fuck back on the road. I don't want to go in there and say,

where the fuck do they find this station? I've never heard this station before in my life. I don't want to hear music that I've never heard before I threw a fucking blown out intercom. I just don't. I'm sick of it because I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I want to take it back.

Take the money back. You need small business uh, uh, uh, reloans. Small business confiscation.

Yes. That's what I want. Not, not, not doing it anymore. That's not good enough. Leon Black was his name. Life touch.

Some of that some of that Epstein stuff's fucked up. Life touch? That's such a fucking crazy. That's a pet-o-ass name for of school picture company Think of all the lives he's touching, man

That's kind of That's crazy You gotta come out at least And say like my bad He needs like I was a, I am a pedophile Every bullet in the head for that one That's fucking crazy

I didn't do stuff with those pictures though A couple times I did Okay Let's see Oh shit It's almost one Um The Olympics

cheating, Olympics going on again Yeah, that was pretty funny You see that Olympics guy that said he cheated on his girlfriend That's funny I thought they were talking about the Canadians and curling Yeah, they are they They put a secret camera Because they knew they would cheat

Fucking Canada right now, man They're being just the worst versions of everything They're the worst man, fuck Canada Fucking Canada sucks, man They deserve what they're getting Look, y'all got ketchup chips and coffee crisp but not a damn thing else cheating at curling

there's better syrup in Vermont and Maine anyway fuck you yeah they set up that camera from a hidden angle because they knew they were messing with that rock that's another quirk chunga shit I actually feel bad

I feel guilty for all the quirk chunga-sing I did in my life because it used there was like you know curling was in that first initial wave of quirk chungising where everyone was pretending to be

unironically into these stupid random things. Curling was one of them. Everyone was like, oh, curling, yeah, let's check it out. Let's watch the Ocho, you know? Sports Center, the Ocho. ESPN, the Ocho. And now I'm like, I hate this shit, man.

I just always thought it was retarded. Well, it is retarded. That's why we were like into it. Right. To show our... attempt for the whole thing but no I get it but I just from the first time it was introduced I was like hey that's not Michelle Kwan ice skating what the fuck yeah and now it's can't escape it now it's like curling controversy I don't give a fuck about the fact that it exists it should be the

controversy yeah who fucking approved of this fuck hey Canada so for those guys in prison that's cool yeah maybe they should be cheating I don't know Chinese are baby farming with surrogate babies Oh that's pretty cool of them Chinese are That's like nothing new though You gotta think a civilization that's been around for what 500,000 years

Yeah They probably got around to that point by now Yeah let's see Here's the baby farming that China's doing So they really don't give a fuck Chinese baby farming Well it's a delicacy dick you don't understand I mean they really don't get of a fuck. Yeah, wealthy Chinese

individuals using largely unregulated surrogacy systems to do baby farming. So they have like hundreds of babies? See, it's believable. This guy has 100 babies that he did through surrogates in the U.S.

so they're all U.S. citizens. Dude. We're worried about the wrong guys, man. Every boomer that dies is one click closer to the top of the holocauster. And then as soon as we get over that

top, we got to say, all right, do we have enough guys left to do this? Because the Chinese have been playing sneak in the baby. Like, you mean to tell me where a place where birds' nests are considered a dessert and a delicacy

that they're, they're, like this is the least surprising thing of them to be eating. I kind of, don't even remember how they snuck all this shit through probably with gay people like we gotta have surrogates because then like these gay guys need to have a

baby too no one was he does anyone with a kid think no one with a kid thinks that's smart right before I had a kid I was like well I mean I don't know maybe gay people need kids too but now I'm like you gotta be fucking kidding me there's where they go

no fucking way maybe lesbians but I don't ever see lesbians like crying I don't ever see lesbians going like We really need to have the surrogate! Because somebody probably dumped them with one, and then they became a lesbian. That's their lesbian origin story. Well, my husband fucking kicked the shit out of me and left me with a kid.

Oh, okay. So you're set. Yeah, the surrogacy. Okay. $200,000 a child. Wow. We got to stop that. That's got to be illegal.

Ship all the babies back. Put them in a container. container. Put him in a container by that Sultan that was running Epstein's

container shipping service. Get rid of them. Harvard Reconstructed a 3D model of

Julius Caesar. Does that look right? Looks a little chai boy, doesn't he? I don't think this was Julius

Caesar. Who are these assholes? it looks like customer service, right? Scientists at Harvard have reconstructed a 3D model of how Julius Caesar might have looked. That's funny because while Julius Caesar was alive, artists reconstructed a 3D version of what he looked like

and he looked like this. Yeah. So I don't know. That looks like Julius Caesar. That looks like Julius Caesar. Oh shit. That guy's pissed? Okay.

I guess I better straighten up. This guy is not... This guy's not Chilly Caesar. At Harvard. The fucking hair gets me. Like, the... Come on. He had those big ass...

He had that shitty little mustache, too? That's what Caesar had? Right. I don't think Caesar tilted his head side to side in agreement with everything. Yeah. A little puberty mustache. Is that what Caesar had? I don't know about that.

Hmm. You mean this guy invented salads? I don't fucking think so. I don't think so, Tim. Here is a hate speech monitoring center. They're really... Oh, is that what this new feed-out is for? Yeah, they're really pushing TikTok now

that Israel took it over and banned all the Israel criticism on it. Now they're like on TV going, TikTok's the safest place for your kids. Oh, is it? Okay. Robert Kraft's Blue Square Alliance charity built a command center inside the Patriot Stadium that's tracking hate speech online, critical of Israel. The intelligence they gather is sent to university administrators.

Jesus. This is a declaration of war on America, right? All of this is. We're going to war with the First Amendment. That's bedrock principle of the United States. You declare war on that that's the same as coming and killing everybody.

That's what this is. This is a foreign government's command center of attacking America. It's fucking crazy. The intelligence they gather is sent to university administrators. Wow.

CVS's new editor-in-chief, Barry Weiss is desperately trying to revive the Black Jewish alliance. Yeah, I'm sure. That was never a thing, yeah. Alliance is not what I would call it. Yeah. Ponds and a... Slavery. Yeah.

Yeah. Ponds. Time for Egyptian Pyramids 2.0? Pyramids 2.0. That's what that... Who made who... Who was... Who was making who build those? Right.

I don't know. Do you think it's because they couldn't find Mexicans at the time? Yeah. Mexicans were building fucking lazy pyramids. They were too in there. They were stacking rocks somewhere else. Mexicans were just stacking rocks. Egyptians were like making cement

limestone and shit and making it look all nice. Mexicans are just like square rocks. Here you go. Bulp, bop, bop. I mean, it makes sense. Looks like crap. I like to think that there was

like an early version of your dad out there somewhere. Just stack a bunch of rocks. Who gives a fuck? You don't know anything? Yeah, you don't know. You don't know. Stairs are a little steep.

Fuck it. What are you a pussy? All right. I can't really see who you're disemboweling up there. From top of this pyramid It makes me look straight into the fucking sun. You think you could fix that?

Wouldn't be better if it was going down so then everybody could sit and look down into what's going on? If it's down, I'm not going to have the sun behind me. Well, you could build it, you know, facing the sun always comes up in the same spot. I don't know if you noticed that. Not every day.

Do you think they just sacrificed the guy who was like that all the time? They're like, you know what? We need to fucking get rid of. Yes, I do. I think that's what's wrong with Mexico. A lot of extra work for us. They kept killing the guy

that was like figured it out. The man who knew too much. Can we do this in a better way? What if we, instead of moving the big blocks, what if we mash them up and like mix them around with like lime or something and they harden? Can we get there? This 12 pack, this prehistoric 12 pack

is telling me otherwise. Casey Phil says, history has been made with the St. Louis Fire Department as five African-American women were just promoted to captain. Wow, really? Kiss my grits. Isn't there only supposed to be one, captain?

Uh, I don't know. Let's see. Let's see why it's five. This is just one really fat lady? Honestly, like a breath of fresh air. Historic promotions at St. Louis Fire Department. Oh, the website's not working. Wow, okay.

It is a journey. Several St. Louis firefighters say was not easy. Recently, five new promotions made history in the city of St. Louis. Jeffrey Bullard shows us why these promotions mean much more than rank. Wait, positive real quick. History made inside the St. Louis fired up. If they're supposed to be fighting fire, why is that their badge is on fire in the background? Isn't that the thing they're supposed to be, like, extinguishing?

Yeah, yeah. Like the cops don't have a police badge getting raped. Right, yeah. Yeah, good question. I'm Captain LaCole McKinney. Fire captain, Jessica Jackson. Captain Pamela Saunders Isaac. Fire captain Elizabeth McCormick.

Fire captain, Sicily Tucker. Five African-American women are now promoted to fire captain. To me, personally, it showcases that the fire service and industries like it are tangible options, not only for women, but for black women. Oh, yeah. So now it's stupid me. I thought we were done with the first black woman to do stuff First black woman on the moon

You know first black woman to get a job You know big historic accomplishments Now we're gonna do First five To be one captain, yeah A black female Sometimes door shut on you So it's beautiful to see that we're all in the door

Let's go all the way back to 1835 The last time that was true. 1865. It's been nothing but hardships for you guys since then. According to the St. Louis Fire Department, they hired their first female firefighter, August 31, 1987. Since then, 33 women have been hired as firefighters. Of those 33, 10 have been promoted to fire captain.

Two, ranking up further to fire battalion chief. And 300 people have died. Six African American women hold the title of fire captain. I've still been in that mode of when it happens, and it has happened. The journey to get here has not always been easy. We first told you back in 2023, several firefighters sued the city of St. Louis for unpaid work and st. Louis. Okay, okay. But what about the chain that binds, right?

If they're all the fire captain, who's really in charge? What happens if they disagree on how to handle? Well, they don't do anything, so you're in luck. There's no chance of that happening. Right. I was assuming that something would be getting done. No. Yeah.

Max says, hey, Dick, I was listening to episode 491, and you were asking why Indians are coming over here for their kids' educations when they're producing such great engineers over there. Reminded me of a time in college working on a group project with an Indian girl. We'd come over for a semester abroad. The project included financing calculations,

financing calculations, which she was responsible for. She showed our group her work in an Excel spreadsheet. I asked what would happen with X interest rate instead, and she told me that she would need time to recalculate everything. I told her just to change the number in that cell. She did and nothing else changed. Turned out she didn't know that Excel did formulas and math. She thought it was just for holding numbers.

And so did all the calculations on a calculator, and then typed them into the boxes. Can't fault the work ethic, but this was senior year. You can, in fact, fault the work ethic. Anyways, go fuck yourself, Mac. Yeah, that is about right. You want work ethic, not work ethnic. What's wrong with the door? It doesn't open.

What do you mean open? I took apart the whole door. The door doesn't, the front door, doesn't open. Confused look. You know what I'm talking about? Why did you think it was there for? It's just there. Man.

Using Excel just to hold numbers is fucking... That's cool. I'm just going to start using Excel like that. I think customer service, 40 years of Indian customer service has fried everybody's brain on what people are capable of, normal random people.

Think about it, Dick. If you lived in a place where everything smelled like shit so hard that you don't even notice it anymore, and everywhere you go, There's these fucking weird wagons covered in 10,000 speakers. Why are there weird wagons everywhere? Just blasting fucking siren sounds at any time of day and giant moving.

Dude, it's insane over there. I'm just gonna go there and smash all the wagons. Fuck this wagon. Fucking wagon smash. Fart wagon. Fart wagon. Okay, new meeting. Come on, baby. Start an instant meeting.

Let's go. Give it to me. Come on, work. uh no not working okay Google's hitting us at the fart hammer today what was she supposed to say that poor girl you should just say fuck white people yeah she lost it a calculator maybe she just lost it a calculator game that's all

like fuck so the book of Mormon now is like a like Mormons being just totally incompetent and retarded and gay and then just like black people being taken advantage of by Facebook dude it's not a big change but it's fucking annoying

I know like theater is always like bad at least since TV's ever existed but it's just like it's somehow gotten significantly worse each well then I found that every play did that during the pandemic

because they knew that George Floyd was like the end of of You know, white people. Yeah. So, like, let's get them. While we got white people on the ropes, let's really gut them. Let's really eviscerate them. They changed all this stupid shit.

It doesn't make sense then. It's like, this doesn't, it's not equal now. Yeah. I saw John Cleese crying about criticizing Islam. Like he said, let me try to find his exact quote. Is a beaver man here? Admit one guest. Yeah, admit.

Beber. Are you here? Yes. How are we? Good. Finally, we've done it. We crossed the Rubicon. How are you?

Let me hear your voice again so I can get a level for you. Yeah, I'm good. I'm on my, like, MacBook. Oh, you know what? Shit, I just got a podcast microphone. You want to hook it up? Yeah, dude, let me try and... Hook that shit up, dog.

hook that shit up he's a big spender now he got a brand new podcast microphone with his million bucks this is the million this is the poster of the year on Twitter write that shit off plug it in

yeah and then and then this will make it like a real right off I mean I don't know I'm not an accountant so all writeoffs are real right off you know I bought this whole kit and I don't know if it came with like an interface so like something to plug the XLR cables into my backbook so we might just

no that's not going to work XLR cables don't plug into the MacBook what are you talking about they're not supposed to do they don't do those things so is this what we got is this your audio did you did you buy like a a Yeti mic or like a real studio mic? No I got like a whole like a whole kit thing I'm opening the mic now I've got these cable

I think there's an adaptor somewhere or I'm just you know that's like a separate a separate thing that I I didn't get okay

didn't tell enough for I don't know okay we'll see oh no there is I think so plug it in plug that shit in

I'm working on it okay this is a man I wanted this guy I wanted this guy to call in a month ago. And I forget, I think our... A month and a half.

Our power went out. And then his power went out. And then I had a kidney stone. I was in the hospital for a couple days. And then I think that was the last one. And then he won $1 million for his research. Oh my God, dude. Yeah.

This was before. Yes. I saw your Somali scam thing. And I was like, oh, man, this guy's got to call in. This is beautiful. And then you fell ass backwards into a million bucks. Yeah, and now I'm rich and famous. And Dick, Dick knew me before I was rich and famous.

I was way back in the beginning. Yeah, he's not a cloud chaser, like a lot of people. Are you getting hit up for money? Like, people want cash? Oh, dude, everybody, yes, so much. I mean, it already was. Because, like, I was kind of in the crypto world. and you know there's like a billion people

begging you for money in crypto they love doing that. Oh yeah, you got a Malady. Do you have a Malady or Remilio Avatar? It's a Malady. It's a Malady. Dude, I really want to get one of those now that Ethereum's in the toilet.

You might be able to get one really cheap. All right, I'm going to plug it in and we're going to see... I want a good one, though. Okay. I want one that speaks to me. I want a Malady that speaks to me. Yeah. Yeah, you'll, you know, you can go shopping.

really fun. I might need to install. I don't want a little gay one. Yeah, go ahead. Plug it in. Install it. It takes too long. We'll like,

take your time. Maybe I think, you know, like install a driver or some shit. I don't know. Solid fucking driver, man. Is it,

uh, I mean, are we live? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well,

then I, we'll be, you can plug it in. It's okay. If it's a better mic, plug it in. We'll cut this part out of the, out of the audio version. I'm not cutting the video because it takes like four hours.

Fucking pain in the hands. Well, it's okay, I don't, I don't even have a, have a, I don't know, webcam. So, well, I guess I do on the Mac, but I'm also not doxed. I prefer privacy, especially now. I need to click allow. Okay, so we've got this.

All right, B, be right back I'm gonna switch and we're see okay let's see if it works if this works okay is it is it too loud

you sound great check check check is it good that was a switch you switched over uh let me see yeah holy shit does it Johnny does this sound good to you

yeah so it's good okay is there any difference at all I don't I maybe yeah it's not like the valleys aren't the valleys aren't as low and choppy as they were before Now it's like smooth.

I think. I don't know. Maybe not. You sure it switched? It's probably a worse microphone than my MacBook. But, you know, it's just a separate thing and it makes me, makes me feel important. Okay. So you are the developer of, what is it, Somalis scam.com?

Scan. It's funny. It's both. Somali scan. Let me pull it up. Somalyscan. com. So this is a, you've found.

where did you find all this data? And what are you showing? Like explain it to people what this is. Because it's fucking beautiful. Well, thank you. It's got a really long way to go. But essentially the first page is obviously a map of all the states. And you can click on each state.

Like I've been updating California. And everything takes a long time to load because there's just so much. But basically this started as a way to like, as a joke and I was just going to showcase like the top 10 you know daycares by their income from the government yeah and and uh and I had the info just from like news and whatever else and then and I did that and it worked and then I was like oh well like uh you know what about the other ones I want to see you know I want to see how much we're they're all getting and then I found out you couldn't and I thought that was ridiculous and it is um so

Minnesota is actually not even like halfway done in terms of like total spending. Okay. Because it's all behind Freedom of Information Act requests. Nothing is public. I mean, it's like the most opaque spending ever. It's unbelievable. I was like shocked.

I thought that there would be like some sort of registry or like receipt database where you can do it through and see. Isn't it crazy how like everything that they do is, it does not work the way you would think it would. Like, I feel like it's, I feel like that's the, that is the reaction that everybody has. Whenever they learn about any of their shit working in the government,

it's like, oh, you guys do it in a totally opposite way than anyone who's ever set anything up would do it. Yeah. Okay. You guys manage to do it totally upside down. Awesome. Yeah.

Perfect. So what did you find in your first, in your first go through? Was this before you made that giant ex post about all the scams that you found? Um, Yes, this was the start of it. So, well, I just started, like, getting public data from anywhere that I could, like a couple of websites.

USAspending.com, I think, and then there's openthebooks.org or dot com. There's a few others, like checkbook something. And each state has, you know, their own portal for all this as well. Yeah. But the main thing was just like getting as much easily, you know, getable information that I could, which would be things like things that you could just download as opposed to things that you need Freedom of Information Act requests or foil. You wait on somebody to email you back.

So I built a scraper system essentially. on a couple of Chinese VPSs that go through and just scrape as much data as they can from public government websites and all of the states they're in. So essentially it just was inhaling information. Anything that was on the internet that related to spending that was from a verified source, I tried to scrape it. And if I couldn't scrape it, I eventually, like Florida, I had to manually download a ton of stuff. Yeah.

But so that's kind of how it started. And I started in Minnesota and there's just not, it's just not much that's front facing. Minnesota is one of the worst states in terms of transparency. And also they are one of the most entrenched Medicaid, you know, in like government spending. They just love being stupid with money. And they're always the big ones to suggest a new way to spend money. So I kind of wanted to do Minnesota, but I really couldn't. And then I found a few other states like Ohio and Indiana were somewhat public with their spending data.

Texas is another one. Florida is another one. It's kind of impossible to scrape Florida. But they have most of the data there. I found $6 billion missing from the Florida. They're supposed to tell you what they spend it on. And really, I mean, I say, okay, so wait, did you, like, did you invent, like, what, what, what you did with this site?

Um, because you, you started, like, right after Nick Shirley did that, that expose of, um, of Minnesota daycare fraud, right? Is that, is that, okay. What, what you started here, I saw, like, explode. After you did it, and especially after you won the million dollars by exposing it, now, It's like every day I see some kind of, I don't know, new vibe-coded, like deep data dive. And then the HHS just said they're just opening all their data, I think, yesterday. Did you see that?

Yeah, yeah. So you started this. Like, you basically started this, like, whole revolution of, okay, let's look at the data. Let's see where all the money went. Well, I mean, wow. I wouldn't go so far to say I started it. I think. I mean, Elon did.

That's why you got the million bucks, right? Like, this is like, yeah. Yeah, I suppose I was the first one to just kind of try. But then there was an appetite for it. You know, and if I hadn't, if there hadn't been so much positive, if it wasn't, like the reception wasn't so strong, I probably would have just not continued with it. I mean, I love America.

I want to help save America. but I also understand that I need to make money and I need to support myself and that was kind of my priority and it was just kind of throw shit at the wall and see what sticks. And in terms of just like clicks and people, I was like shocked

and I didn't do this for selfish purposes solely but if it wasn't getting clicks and it was a waste of time, I would have stopped and gone on to something else that was conducive to both. And I started getting tons of people reaching out. I met a ton of crazy people that I never thought I would even talk to. And, you know, I mean, people from Doge and HHS reached out. And we sort of workshopped the data dumb.

Dude, that's awesome. Did you meet big balls? No, no, yeah. Ah, okay. Yeah. But it was a, you know, it was just, it was really a needed thing is what I found. And I was really happy to do it. Well, wait, what's, what were the HHS guys like?

What were the Doge guys like? Like, what's, I mean, what's the, after the election, it seemed like Doge was crazy. And then they just kind of, like, fizzled out or I don't see anything about them anymore since then. What's going on there? They're a little bit, I mean, they're obviously motivated. they are really smart. They just, they're kind of behind. And it's all in spreadsheets.

And I mean, just the manpower that it would take for them to do the work that is in front of them would be mince if it weren't for AI. And that's kind of why I think this has started now is that you can basically, I mean, I was spending probably more than I had to, but even basically, baseline on tokens I was spending. I think I could have maybe the most if I was really budgeting. I probably maybe $2,000. I ended up spending like $10,000 a month on just pure tokens. Wow. I remember seeing that. Like that was one of the weeks you were supposed to call in. I remember you posting that. And I was, you know, Mike Cernovich.

Yeah. So he's always on this, this kick of like, how come right-wing billionaires don't ever help? Like, they don't fund anything. They don't help any of the little guys ever, like, you know, unless it's related to Israel. I saw you posting how much you were spending on tokens, and this is right before I went to the hospital.

This was probably the last thing I was going to do before I went to the hospital. I was tweeting at, I was tagging him, and I was like, hey, by the way, this is a perfect example of, like, a right-wing, a patriot or project that is getting ignored by billionaires because it was something like, it was some kind of like

you were spending 2,000 on tokens or 5,000 on tokens which is just crushing, which is a crushing amount of money for a normal person. Yeah. For them and what they're used to spending, it's just nothing.

Like the amount that they dump into campaigns is nothing. And I was writing, hey, like somebody's got to fucking fund this. And by the time I got out of the hospital, you had a million dollars from Elon. I was like, there's no fucking way. This is.

somebody actually did it. Like, I can't believe this shit is happening in my lifetime. That's way more than I thought this guy should have got. Yeah, right. It was, like, the last thing in my drafts was somebody helped this fucking guy. And then I was like, ah, it's got a million dollars. Don't help him that much. Give me a little bit for, you know, for the thought.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the thought of it. Well, I mean, the donations before even the million dollars, they were pretty immense. like I mean Mark Andreson just he sent me a little bit of money kind of no strings attached as a thank you and I was kind of funded for the next four or five months

just just for the article and obviously now you know you're funded for life now I mean this is your this is your thing now I don't know about for life but you're the data guy this is going to be like this is your data beaver

Whatever you were before, that's gone. That shit's over. You're fucking data beam now. Yeah, you're right. That's awesome, man. Yeah, the capabilities have certainly expanded. The runway is a little bit longer in terms of, because, I mean, the main thing, like,

I was pretty successful before this. It wasn't my, I don't know, first time making a million dollars, but a million, I mean, I was no way to say, it's not like I'm freaking swimming in it, but a million dollars is still. like I had to stop basically everything I was doing and do this and work on the data and build, you know, systems to analyze the data better. Yeah.

For like anywhere from 12 to 18 hours a day. And so my normal income was basically just on pause, which is something I think I'm fortunate enough to be able to do. It's just like, ah, you know, I got a little bit of gas in the tank. Let's see, you know, let's see if we can make it work. And this is, yeah, you're right. It's kind of totally shifted the playing field for me. I think, I mean, you know, I have to be a steward. You know, I can't just like go and buy a Lamborghini, you know,

I think that'd be just misrepresenting the spirit of it all. And I want to steward it well so that it can, you know, be used to fund like my project and my sort of ideas about how to get and analyze this data better. Yeah, you could rent a Lamborghini. probably. Oh yeah. That would be okay. I already had a Lamborghini, so it's okay.

What kind of Lamborghini do you have? What the hell is this guy's background? Not my first million. That's what he says. Hey, Elon wants to give you a check. Not my first million, but I'll take it. Well, I'll take the check. You know, but I mean, like a million dollars is still a shitload of money.

It's not as much money as you used to be and, you know, especially after tax, which is why I'm now, you know, I'm buying as many, as much compute as I can. I saw that. Yeah. Because it's a write-off and it's something that makes sense. So it's more of like a just investment money and, you know, went out to dinner with my parents and we got a nice bottle of wine and steaks. Oh, that's nice. Yeah.

That's nice. It was good. Did you get an, I told you so with your parents? Like, I told you so. I told you all this, this, my lady stuff was, was, uh, was, uh, there was money in it. Well, they used to like rag on my Twitter because it's really unfiltered. And I just say whatever the hell I want.

And they're like, you can't be saying things. And I'm like, ah, go kick rocks. And so I did get to do like when I told you so. Yeah, that's a good one. It's kind of a just total full house or I guess royal flush on the table. you can't really like, you know. There's no coming back. I was right to tweet.

My mom wouldn't even watch me on Dr. Phil. She wouldn't even watch the episode. We had a big watch party of my parents' house. She's like, I'm not watching this shit. I'm out of here. She still doesn't like it, but I think I have a son now. So she's like, I don't give a shit about anything anymore. All I care about is your son.

Yeah. Okay, so wait, what did you find? Can you go over some of the biggest findings you have? Because it's like, it's just fucking, it's sickening, man, the amount of money these cocksuckers stole from us, these Somalians and these boomer fucks like Tim Walts. It's just sickening. I want you to make me as sick as possible with what you found. Okay, sick as possible. You can go to, I'm wondering, so that's sort of one thing I'm working on is how to display all the data.

So I have almost 800 million rows in a database right now. Cool. And displaying that in a coherent way through like a website dashboard is apparently kind of difficult. Yeah. So I can tell you this from everything I've seen and all of the budgets I've seen, which they're, I was going to say, spending. I think there's a, if you go to database and then click the little arrow, and then there's a, there's a state budgets thing, and you can click on it. Okay, let me see. Spending Explorer?

No, no, no, backup database. Okay. Spending. A little arrow besides spending. Okay. You got to click that, and then, like, there's state budgets. State budgets. Okay.

And this is for, you know, like 2020 and on. I haven't really, I haven't updated it yet, but for. basically all of these states, at least 80%, and I know this to be a very close estimate, is either fraud or waste. It's probably closer to 90%. Oh, man. Direct fraud is that I can absolutely prove.

It depends on the state, obviously. Somewhere like California, it's maybe 20%. California, I see 5%. $500 billion in expenditure, $12,000 per capita, and you're saying that 80 to 90% of this is fraud? This is spending per capita, 12,000. Fraud and waste. You can't say, I mean, and arguably the fraud

or the waste is sort of the vehicle for the fraud, so it's kind of, you know, with the, yeah, but it's direct fraud that, like, I can safely say. How, how can you safely say it's fraud? Just spending patterns. It's like obvious, you know, like how much, like Indiana, they spend $1.25 billion a year on a foster system that takes care of 12,000 kids. So we're spending $120,000 per kid per year on, you know, and none of it's going to... I don't spend that much on my kid! What the fuck!

It's outrageous. And so that alone, you can just look at the number and then look at the kids and then that you just, that's bullshit. That's insane. The system has 4,000 employees. They're spending, you know, $350 million a year just on salaries for the people that take care of the foster kids that, or sorry, that just monitored like the foster system as a whole. And this is like a whole, you know, it's all. And isn't like, I mean, isn't foster care like shitty? Like that guy, Merlogic, you know, the guy that like fucks Wonderbred, he was raised in the foster system.

And every time he calls in, he's got horror stories of what he went through as a kid. And they're like, even now, like as an adult, it's not great. You're telling me that we've been paying, we've dumped about $4 million into Merlogic and his life is where it is. That fucking sucks. Yeah. And it's just, um, And the tricky thing is that not all of that is directly going into people like a Somalian's purse. You know, it's going to, it's the facilitation of the bloat.

And the amount of money that is like directly, you know, the dollars that are being spent on like a new, you know, like an air maze bag. from this total budget. It's really small because the total, it's, I mean, it's just absurd bloating. And then that's where the fraud is able to kind of take advantage of that. And it's really easy to lie and get $10 million from the government when you're in a system, whether like Medicaid, you know, and your state has a 10,

billion annual Medicaid budget, it's really easy to steal $10 million dollars. Right. Less than tenth of a percent. You know, it's really easy to get away with that. But yeah, so it's, I mean, and this is just states

federally, a lot of these states are subsidized federally. But federally, it's about the same. Federally, it's closer to 85%. Jesus. And that's just like, like you're, with your foster care example, it's just like paying fat women to send emails all day about how they're

monitoring like the shitholes that they put kids in, basically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And more funding doesn't fix it. And also like, makes it worse. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. It just feeds the monster. Like percentage growth year over year is a really good example or like indicator for how to fraud. So looking at at the. that is a really, really helpful thing. Like in Minnesota, the spending for, it's called EIBTDA, I think. I don't have it memorized the acronym.

It's for all this, I'm here. I don't have it memorized because every time I say it, I think of EBITA, and it's not that, but it's really, they use the same words, their same letters, but in a different order. Okay. But they were spending in 2017, if I remember correctly, like $5 million, a year on autism care. In 2025, it's closer to $340 million a year,

which is a percentage increase that's so large you can't even really quantify it in percentages. It's obscene. It's like a 70X. Yeah. And the population stayed the same. The number of autistic kids stayed the same. How did the spending 76X in less than a day?

decade. Where did that come from? And the answer is they're just, you know, they found a leaky faucet and they just turned it on and started taking, taking money. And so that's another really good indicator. And there's a ton of things like that. Yeah, there's like the hospice care in California, right, where we have like 35 times, like hospices for people that are dying, but somehow California has 35 times per capita, the hospice centers of anywhere else. Like you should never have, should always be one because it's like people are dying that's it there's no you know yeah yeah not more people are dying here well they say that it's because california's where people go to retire so of course they're going to have more you know like dead old people that need hospice or whatever but the numbers

just don't add up yeah and that's another thing is per capita spending population growth are just really good indicators for what like a spending increase like if you could really really justify a spending increase in terms of like caring for people or whatever else. And most of the time the numbers just don't add up. Actually, every single time the numbers don't add up. Sometimes the numbers go down and the spending still increases. It's backwards.

It's crazy, man, because how old are you, ish? Like what? I'm 25-ish. You're 25-ish? It's crazy because, I'm 45-ish. We've been, like we've known our whole lives

that the government was raping us and wasting money, but I've like, I hate the government more than anybody. I know, probably. Anyone I've ever met, I've never imagined that it was to this degree. Like when people are,

when they're throwing out figures like a trillion dollars in fraud, I'm saying, wait a minute, I would have, like, I would have thought it was, I would have thought it was 20, 30%, but you're saying 90%. So when you're putting this together, like, it's like you guys found a way to fix, like, to hit people's infographic itch. Like they want to have an infographic. They don't want to read anything.

They just want a bubble graph to point at and click on. It's like that, would you like to know more from Starship Troopers? Like, would you like to know more? Like, here's how you're getting raped by the government. Would you like to know more? Like, yeah, I would like to know more. click on that. We've never seen anything like it.

There's never been anything like it. It's always been wrapped. What you're doing has always been wrapped up in like weird policy, like Ron Paul shit, where I got to read a bunch of garbage to get like a taste of the fraud. But now when I go to your site, it's just like a fucking fire hose of like, oh, wow, okay, what's next?

Like where? Where do we get? Like, got it. Awesome. I can show this to anybody. This is right here. Right? This is where you're getting, this is where all the money's gone right here. Yeah.

This is exactly the place where they're touching you. What do we do? And it's, well, we find more, I mean, we start to quantify. And I think this is something that is so blatantly bipartisan, regardless of the, you know, category. obviously the left loves to champion Medicaid. They love to champion, you know, like daycares and shit like that. They love like, you know, whatever, immigration, that sort of stuff.

Yeah. The section of the fraud that's pretty fucking huge. It's pretty big. It's probably bigger than what the right champions, which is like, you know, contracts and like security and like like. Guns. Growth. Yeah.

contractory. I would think black people would be really pissed off that they're not getting this money. You know, like this, all this money could be going directly to American black people, right? I know. And that's,

I think we're starting to see, like a lot of black people that I talk to that I, like we both know that we do not agree on a lot of things. But they're both, like, we can both agree that like, they want more money. And if you want more cheddar,

and if you want more cheddar, you got to help me get rid of these fucking people. Yeah. And you'll, you're, you know, you can buy whatever the fuck you want. Like,

it's fine. You get two or maze bags. Why, you got one? Yeah. You're getting ripped off. You can get like a real hellcat instead of a scat pack. And,

you can get one with the real badges instead of the shit you use super glued on. But like, it's true though. Yeah. No, I mean, it is. And they know it.

And I know it. And they, And they agree. And they're like, yeah, dude. So it's kind of something. And money is, everybody needs money. I don't really care who you are. You need money.

It's oxygen. And it's something I think that people who don't want to commit suicide on the altar of, like, you know, a trillion brown people that don't speak English would agree is like an important, you know, an important thing. and I think that's where the power is, is that it's just, it's bipartisan. I don't even want to say common sense because that is like a, a partisan issue.

They ruined that shit, common sense. You can't say that anymore. But it's just, I mean, like, okay, whatever you pay in taxes this year for 2025, it's lighting money on fire. It should be not.

whatever you're paying it should be nothing. This year is the first time I felt really like sick about paying taxes, about paying my quarterly, about paying my estimates. I'm like, man, this is the first time I feel really like bad and dirty and pissed off. Like I've always hated it, but that paying your share shit kind of sinks in after a while. Like, well, I guess if a bunch of, you know, retarded people need money. whatever. I guess this is for them.

This is the first time I really felt like it was just getting lit on fire. Yeah, there's a pothole outside of my neighborhood. You turn, you know, leave my neighbor to turn right. There's a fucking massive pothole. And I've trained, I've avoided obviously, but every time I see it, I'm like, why the fuck am I paying tax? If I have to drive over one single pothole, they failed. They're not doing their job.

I think that was a married-with-children episode. I mean, it's innate, like, I mean, you know, the founding fathers, they did it for way less. It was like a percentage increase on T, and they're like, yeah, we're killing fucking everybody. Well, you know, it's like you could see it, though. Like, if I'm the founding father and I see a red coat coming in, their problem was, like, wear those red coats. If I see him coming in, it's like shaking me down for 20 bucks, I'm like, that guy took my money. I'm going to kill you.

But today, I got to just write a check to guys that are 800 miles away. And then, I don't know, I walk outside and everyone's still homeless. I'm like, I don't know. Who do I have to kill? I'll do it. But I need an infographic to tell me who to kill, quite frankly. I need a fucking, I need an AI to say, like, I really need like a Patriot. A.

Ha, has Torba reached out to you to give you free computer? that fucking guy did you see the guy that trained his that used Claudebot to like guess what the government document URLs were Oh yeah And then he pulled out all the Yeah

I took it and I did I did that too and it was a really good idea And they still haven't changed it I think so Oh yeah that cost another trillion dollars to change it When the fuck are they gonna do that It would be you know Four years behind schedule and five billion dollars

Over budget but I think just like we still it's really easy to call your congressman or email and they have to answer you know I mean or at least get back with and they do a lot of them do and if enough people are like stop spending my fucking money yeah and bullshit yeah they will but it's really and it's like I don't think that um I mean

okay also 90% of the people in Congress are objectively corrupt. I have dossiers on like all of them and they all suck. Really? They all fuck. Yeah. It's like the earmarks that they that they go for. It's just ridiculous. Like I mean, the individual

congressman like just random ones like not even like Ilhan Omar. I mean she's a prime example like obviously but she has like a hundred million dollars in earmarks and it's like what the fuck? What do you do? You are able to you're allowed to section off

$100 million for bullshit. And of course, it's like, you know, two are like cousins, brothers, fucking company that she used to work for that now manages some obscure, like, IT bullshit. Yeah. And or housing or whatever, it's always housing.

And so that is a little bit of a, you know, it's a little bit of an issue. But they don't do it, I think, out of like, from a normal perspective. I think if you're in Congress and you're, not earmarking shit for your friends and family, you're a fucking idiot. Yeah.

Because everybody else is robbing the treasury. Yeah. Why not you? You don't, you know, like by the time we're out of money, you're going to be up Schitt's Creek. And everybody, they all know we're running out of money. They all know that we're, you know, always over budget. And that eventually, you know, the system is now unsustainable.

It's just that you immediately get indoctrinated. Like, I mean, not even like on purpose. it's just kind of subconsciously everybody else is breaking the rules and you know you'd be stupid not to and it would be hazardous for you not to like you know yes they killed Serpico right

like honest cops get killed yeah and yeah you're I mean you're absolutely right but the hauling them and you know like we have a lot more kind of influence than I think people realize

and the the the like the really kind of militant liberals and leftists know this really well, they are not that great a number, I think, but they just really work to, you know, push their ideas. Yeah, to fuck everyone over. They're doing it all day. They're doing it all day long while you're out making money. They're trying to fuck you over.

Yeah. That's the other thing is that like all of these people that hate you and would like immolate for you know like just self-immolate on the altar of like a Somalian daycare that that doesn't even you know operate as daycare um the the the funding and organization from this is is just your tax dollars yeah um so that's the the amount of money that slips by um through like direct fraud i think about 20 percent of it roughly goes back in to campaigns through the FEC and then maybe another 20% maybe 10 to 20% goes directly to individuals whether it be either politicians or like

organizers like so did you see Tim Walts as lieutenant governor was heading up one of these like signal chats and like organizing. Yeah, I saw that. Of all the protests and everything. Like de-arresting people. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, no. I mean, she was like organized, like literally like in the trenches of these protests, talking and, you know, directing people and also getting signage made and like organizing it from a managerial's perspective of like how to transport people. And who pays for that? And I'll tell you, it's the LLC that has, you know, real estate in Saudi Arabia or even literally even in Somalia, where they funnel the cash back to and then launder it. And they're using your tax dollars to fund all of this. Because these, I mean, you know, these people, they're not rich, but they have to have, you know, money to eat.

eat and, you know, resource to be able to live. And so who do you, like, how do you pay for somebody to just totally, you know, sit and monitor a signal group chat and direct and organized protests and things like that? And who do you, how do you, they have full-time workers and they're all being paid for with fraud money, basically. So all of that to say, you know, if we fix the first. fraud, I think we fix a lot of other problems. Every little piece of fraud you fix makes it a little, makes the system a little bit weaker,

it seems like. Like they got one less person to make calls. They got one less person to make signs and obfuscate the whole system. It's funny. So during the last election, my other show, biggest problem, we got, we got approach to do a presidential ad from, I forget it was, it was, it was a VAL. Vito got approached. Obviously, I'm not getting approached because people know I'm going to fuck it up. It was this girl with huge tits. I forget what her name was, but she asked Vito for us to do an ad, and the ad copy was all jumbled up. Like, I've gotten a lot of ad copy to read. I've sent a lot of ad copy out. The ad copy that they sent us was it had different names attached to it, different websites. It was like for the win something.Win.com. It was another organization that came in.

The money came in was, it was just like a PayPal deposit of cash. And they said, just talk about, you know, talk about, just get people to vote. So talk about what's important to you. So we're reading the ad and Vito does his, he's like, yeah, voting is important. He's like a normal ad. And I said, what's important to me is not voting for a pedophile. So I'm voting for Trump, you know. It was like, my ad was just, it was totally inappropriate.

Like, obviously they were going to piss up. And my evidence was that an AI said that Tim Waller, was a pedophile. So I brought that in. I said, so the computer must know. It was totally retarded. And they flipped out.

Like they threatened to sue us or we have to do it again. It was a week before the election. And the whole time, like I don't give a fuck, you know, fuck them. Suck my cock. But the whole time I was really floored by how disorganized it was on every piece of it. Like it was just like these people were just getting cash from random accounts.

and then divvying it out to pay for stuff. It was shocking the level of how disorganized it was, I guess. Yeah, well, they have basically ridiculous influx of cash, and they can't really have an organized structure to disperse it because it's stolen money. So, you know, you can't exactly create a corporation that is able to, you know, pay people and manage ads and do marketing and as well as manage campaigns and things like that because then it's all even more on the record.

Yeah. So, yeah, it has to be a little bit of like a backyard garage shop. And you're absolutely, I think your instinct is totally correct there. It's obviously disorganized, but they still are able to, I mean, just by sheer, like, I don't know, like sheer hatred of themselves or whatever, like just make it happen. I mean, it's like they want all of us to commit suicide with them. Oh, when women get an idea in their head,

they could do a lot. It's not, none of it will be tracked, it won't be organized, and it won't be for a good reason. But, you know, if one of them is turning 40, a lot of them can make a bunch of dumb decisions in a row without tracking any of it. just by its nature it's like i mean the this it's like a i mean it's it's like a guerrilla sort of system and um and i mean that's sort of what antipa is it's a bunch of women

over 40 that uh like really are mad at their you know ex-husbands or never husbands or whatever um or maybe themselves because they're kind of fat but they are able to just sort of put it together and so if we fix the fraud if we at least cut the spending a little bit a little bit at a time

I think it's something also we just if you're loud about it like a lot of people think they're talking on social media while it is sort of a load of bullshit it does actually matter a lot

and if it's advertising it's like the most important thing you could have a great product but you need ads it's where you got nothing. And so if the fraud kind of takes mind share,

and I think it just kind of naturally does. Yeah. Like it's withheld, it's held its own pretty well, I think, against the Epstein sort of like doc release, which was really curious timing in my mind.

But the, the beef jerky eating kids made out of eating beef jerky made out of kids people are. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the famous chef and the, I mean, I did like a cursory look through it. And just like, I was like, okay, there's enough in here for me.

If I was a prosecutor, I have names, addresses, businesses, Tompons, correspondence. There's enough in there for you to start arresting people. And I'm sure the DOJ has a lot more, you know, information that they've obviously withheld, whether it be like investigative purposes or not. But there's enough in there to prosecute. and I don't think they're going to and I don't I think it was just sort of like a big

you know that was sort of the oh shit button that they were kind of waiting to press and I think their hand was forced by just the the Minnesota stuff like I mean the tide was totally turning that's interesting people were stolen and I mean that's like because what what does it do I mean what is releasing all of it do

I guess it radicalizes whoever you know wants to hate whoever whatever politician they're probably in their connection to them whatever I mean the left uses it to disparage Trump the right uses it to disparage you know Bill Clinton or whatever else and yeah it's like

there's somebody for everybody in that fcine files it's great if you got kids there's stuff if you don't if you want to eat kids there's stuff for you it's been fun if you want to learn how to grow like a a a rape tree which I read about

the other day I've seen there's ciphers wait a rape tree what's a rape tree? What's a rape tree? tree. This tree that grows copolymine and like the flowers and like in the seeds and scopolamine is like a, if you dose somebody with

it, they'll do, they'll stay completely conscious and do whatever you want. Oh, okay. Like Lord of the Rings stuff. That's cool. Yeah, yeah. Literally. Okay. Yeah, so it's like, to me, it just felt like, okay, this is like obviously

kind of irrelevant. It doesn't like none of this information. I think the Doge dump on Medicaid data was far and away much more useful for the American people to be able to actually fix something. Like the Epstein stuff is just like, or at least the files,

it just seemed like it was noise generation and fuel for everybody to prove themselves right. Because anything you want, you know, if you want to talk shit about somebody, like you'd probably find something about them in the Epstein files. That's like how CatTurd said like, well, I'm not in the FC files, are you? And then as community note, KatTurt is in the Epstein files. Like he's talking to, it's that Spider-Man meme.

Like, you're in the Fcine files. Like, you're in the- Guys, you should both be hanged. Like, that's the point. We can't do anything with this. But we can do something with the data. Like, it's kind of, you're talking about AI. It's interesting because it used to be something like this would happen, you know, 100, 200, 200 years ago. 200, 300 years ago.

you could just kill the people who are doing it. You can't do that anymore. But you can run all the, you can run a bunch of AI shit and produce and actually make a difference in the same way, which it seems like what's finally happening. Yeah, I think that's true. The issue was that prior to, really,

I mean, prior to like Opus 4.5, the sheer amount of manpower required, to process, ingest, enrich this level of data, this amount of data would be, I mean, five years ago, this would be a $10 billion like project from the private sector. You would have to raise that much and you would have to hire, I don't know, tens of thousands of people to help manage it. And now, you know, if you have a hundred people and each of them have, and each of them were somewhat competent with Claude, you can go, I mean, you can plow through data,

like at a rate that is just unbelievable, and it's unprecedented. And so now we have a high-speed rail, basically, for the elimination of, the elimination of obfuscation is what I was going to say, but that's a little pretty, I don't know. No, that's good. Maybe it's true.

Maybe it ticks, yeah, maybe it's good. but the just the sheer size and scale i mean i don't even know like i can't conceptualize one trillion dollars i don't know even what that is i need an infographic that's really the point i just really need an infographic god that's just show me an infographic and uh so that sort of scale is just impossible i think for humans uh but we have now this this natural language interface for compute, which is, that's really all AI is, is just the ability you can now talk to a computer and tell it to do what you want.

Yeah. And we never had the, you had to, you know, write code and test scripts and do all these things. We never had like the ability to write a sentence and then the computer does what it wants. It was really all like a building and then, you know, a shipping. process where not all of the compute was used at once or in an efficient manner. And now we have this, the dam is broken on compute. And now, you know, your grandma can ask crock or whatever, you know, well, how much did California spend on the high speed rail project? Which, by the way, that's fucking hilarious. I looked into it for a little bit. And it's like they

hired like a Spanish company. First of all, they spent like $30 billion to not build a single single foot of high speed rail. Not a, like, not one, like, it's been like five years. Like, they were never, they were not going to build like anything from the start. It was, they built a warehouse and then the warehouse burned down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is convenient. But that's, that's all. I mean, it's like just absolutely nothing happened. Um, but, you know, even for somebody who was really motivated to look into that without AI, it would be really difficult. It would be really, really difficult. Yeah. And so now we have,

I think within, you know, the next year, I think that every penny that the government has spent will be attributed to something. Outside of like defense. Yeah. Yeah. I'm leaving

defense alone because like the dollars just backed by. Because they have guns. Don't mess with them. Yeah. How many like kids in a country that's like 10,000 miles away is whatever the dollar's worth. Yeah. And, you know, I'm okay with spending money on that because it's, uh, it's the only thing we,

we have to back our currency at this point. But we don't have to pay the disabled ones, though. All those guys that are on Caleb Hammer's show saying that they're like, that they, they pooped in their pants and now they're on like $4,000 a month of veteran disability or some shit. Dude, I've met like four guys who are around my age who literally just went in the military service to like lose their hearing and, and get like two grand a month. fucking bullshit.

It's like a total racket. But honestly, it's such a small number. Yeah. The amount of money is large, granted, just by itself, but is a percentage of the total, like, waste. Like, honestly, man, and a lot of those guys are, like, kind of normal, like, fit dudes. You know, I'm okay. They can freeload in be pieces and shit if they want to. At least they're not, like, going to, you know, like,

I don't know, castrate their kids, you know, like at least it's... Casarate my kids. That's what I'm worried about. Campaign for castrating your kids. Uh-huh. Yeah. So it's like, I'm like, we can empower them with, you know, fucking rent money for a month. Yeah, that's fine. They're just going to lose it to a stripper. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah. But the general, like, systemic thing, I think it also just starts locally and it's like anybody

I mean I had a little bit of a head start on the AI stuff I kind of was working in like data pipeline so this is actually it was really convenient that it ended up being being a massive boost

for me but I think now regardless of experience if you have you know $300 a month and you know an extra a few hours here and there, you can fire up, you know, local AI, whatever it would be, terminal, like Claude's a good one, or even just like on your phone, you can just use the

Cod app and start doing research. You could start figuring out your county, your city, your state. Yeah. And it will continue to get a lot easier as AI gets better and more usable. And I think it's just like the transparency doesn't really have to be there. It's just it's a really small number of people that can, that can affect massive, massive difference now. So, you know, it's start locally. I kind of haven't really focused on my, on my state and city because I don't, I don't really want to.

It's a lot easier to like just talk about California, but I feel like if I dig into my state, I'll have to like go and, you know. No, you're representing the whole country now. need bigger stuff out of where can people go if they want to like learn from you and help you and be involved do you have anything like that do you have like a furry chat or something

people could go in uh no I don't you're not you're not some kind of fucking weirdo pedophile are you secretly because we have too many all of our guys that we elevate on the right turn out to be weird fucks and it sucks

no I'm actually really normal I'm uh I don't know I guess It's like mostly normal. I got a little bit of the tism. But no, I was, I was right wing before it was cool. And,

and I wanted to like, you know, help fix America, but I was, I was poor. Yeah. And I had, my first,

I had, my first business was like a pressure washing company. Which is like what everybody does when they drop out of college. Hell yeah. And I was like, doing the damn. I was like,

I'm going to fucking make a million dollars a year pressure washing. Pressure wash the earth. yeah yeah and you know I was like living with my parents

and my father my brother-in-law did that for like a month pressure I mean yeah it's like you know every guy you gotta at least

have a pressure but no and I kind of switched over just like making money and trying to build a you know

system of life for myself to where you know I I'm not reliant on like a job. And so that's kind of, that was my, that was my shift. I was just a very hardworking, a little bit retarded, I'm entrepreneur, but no, I wasn't even like cool enough to get invited to the island or anything.

They probably didn't even know who I am. So, I mean, much from my, I was a little bit disappointed when they released and they didn't even talk about me. I was like, really, guys, like, I thought, you know, I thought I was cool. but I guess not. They didn't have any like bad boys on Epstein's Island, did they?

That's what I would have done. I would have raped everyone. Even the men. There. It's just like mega predators. Get this guy out of here. This guy's kicked off of Petto Island. He raped everyone.

Even me. He raped the island. If I would go, I really want to go. The next one, who's ever doing that? Invite me. No, it's the rain.

think they're still doing the ranch there's another one oh the Zorro ranch yeah well it's a different one now I don't remember what it was called but no I mean I found that about like the whole Epstein like the pizza gate shit I like like really early like before it was called Pizza Gate

and like before that guy died fuck what was his name however the whistleblower was on what was it like cosmic pizza or some shit and the police killed him that's when it all blew up the guy that shot the heart drive, that guy? Yeah, I think it was him.

Yeah. No. He wasn't through the hard drive. No. What's his name? Seth Rich? No, he was like whistleblowing, a whole, huh? Seth Rich?

Cap. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's one of them. And then the other one, they, Isaac Cappy. They took him out in the desert and shot him out, shot him in the Death Valley. Oh, geez. Yeah, dude.

It's a long drive. Yeah. Kill some. I was Instagram. Wait, really? No, I was... Yeah. Well, I mean, he posted like a glove.

I mean, I don't really remember all this, but I was like really conspiracy. I was like, holy shit. Oh, yeah. They were, like, fucking hate us and, you know. But I was still, like, you know, poor and my life wasn't really good. So I decided driving myself insane with like, you know, all the theory. Bad time for if you're poor.

getting into conspiracy shit. It's a bad thing. It's a bad luck. I had the time. I was like, oh, shit. Like, yeah. You know, but.

Our friend sells you out of nanomachines and 5G. I'm like, you need to get a fucking job. You need a 5G, 5G job, bro. Worry about nanomachines. Five pillars, funkel, though.

Nano machines and 5G is not it's not your problem. Yeah, seed oils are not going to be the thing that makes your life worse if you, if you're unemployed. Having a fucking cavity is going to make your life worse because you got no dental insurance. That's going to be the end of you, not nanomachines. How do you think the cavity got there? The cavity nanomachines in my teeth, man.

Polarite in the water. They give him the cavity. You can't afford fluoride. All right, man. Thank you so much for calling in. I really want to... Of course. Thank you.

I hope you have a thing for people to get involved because I'm sure there's a lot of programmers that want to help and it seems like you've started, it seems like you've started a movement and that's why you got a million dollars.

So congratulations. Well, I don't know. I don't feel like I did anything special. It feels like it was just, you know, right place, right time.

And I had a bunch of days on my hands that I could just kind of, you know, throw into this. But that's what the, that's what, guy from Star Trek who invented the warp drive said did he mean

Cochran what was his name just a man I'm not a great man I'm just a man and then Reiker says Reiker says it's not a great and he goes who said that and he goes you did was his name fucking Cochran it wasn't Johnny Cochran was it they didn't have the same name as the warp drive guy

that would have been fucking great yeah no they're different Dick Cochran I gotta save America. I can't be watching fucking Star Trek. You better watch it. All right. Get out of here, Bia.

Thanks. Enjoy your money. Take yourself something nice. I will. Don't worry. I will. All right, goodbye. How about that?

What a fun guy. That's awesome. Saving the country, having a good time doing it. Somali scan. He's got casino ads there. I don't know about that. Got to make some more money? A million bucks, not enough?

He's got to run casino ads? He's not a very principled man if he's running ads on his website. Hey, if you're going to gamble, why not? Okay. Nick T.C. Time is it two. Dick bouncing back from every man's biggest health fear after testicle torsion to deliver a classic TDS banger.

Anecotes, audio engineer zinger, Microsoft Vigene. Microsoft Vigene. Oh, Bob. Microsoft. Gene. And an engaging, interesting calling. What more can you ask for after 500 episodes? Man, it has been 500 episodes almost.

Got to do something. You think Sean will come back in three more? No. What if we both dresses him that day? We'll be too sad. It'll be too sad. The episode where we'd cry for two hours straight. What if we get a guy to come in and be like a doppelganger?

We just pay a guy off Craigslist. Like, here's 40 bucks. sit in this chair for a little bit. Let me run the Sean bot. There you go. I forgot about that. Okay. Maybe it'll work better this time.

Yeah, allow. Okay. What more can you ask for after 500 episodes? Just in time for Black History Month. I saw a new heat map app built by some dude on Twitter called Peaceandquiet.io. Have you seen that? I have.

Guy mapped out where all the Tyrone's and the Latrises It's crazy because it's everywhere I've ever lived. They're all moving in, huh? I notice a couple moving in. Here, I'm not happy about it. Ask everyone how nice Van Nuys was in the 50s and 60s. I don't know what to do. What are they not like?

Googie architecture. It's a heat map of the USA where you can toggle Hellcat purchases, liquor stores and waffle houses, etc. Super comprehensive and vivid, growing every day. Wonderful. Oh, the fucking bot

won't do anything that contains promoting racial stereotypes. Fuck you. Get the fuck out of here. Give me the gab bot. Veggie, great show all the way through. Gwimbley, skipped over the women talking. Scott and all

and banjos are from black people not white. Banjos were invented by black people. Yeah, but so is everything else. So that doesn't... Yeah, but really. They were really invented by black people. How come that's not day of February 1?

Welcome to Black History Month. Black people invented banjos. Yeah, but did they invent Banjo Cizui? I don't know about that. That, see? I feel like I should have known that after celebrating 45 Black History Months, but I guess not.

Celebrating him this all time? I've been celebrating the shit out of them. Oh, shit. Knop says, Johnny's brain rot always gets me. There's always some new horror. I could not have even imagined before seeing it. What did you have last week?

What was the real sick thing? The eye thing. The honey gold eyes. People changing their eye colors. That's fucked. I brought in something disgusting this time if we have time too. I don't think we're going to have time this time. Well, all you audio listeners out there be grateful.

Because I'm going to a bar after this show. So this show is going to be truncated a little bit. Hell, yeah. That's the best reason. Phil from K.S. Fuck, the story about a guy who went to Greenland, leaving behind a wife and kid, hit too hard, ruined the episode.

Okay, buddy. Sorry that that happened. Call in and leave a sad voicemail, so we wonder if you're dead or not. Not that shit. Hey, Dick, do you feel intimidated by this? Let's see. Uh-oh.

What do we got here? Woman alert? Oh yeah I got some advice emails too I got that advice email and was like I am Let's do it next time Yeah let's read it next time

We need plenty of time Liberals think this is how you intimidate Maga How scared are you right now Whoa man This looks like a monster coming out It's like that wolf pack family all over again Fyikes Yikes

Yikes Maybe I'm crazy Johnny But I feel like we're winning Trump fucked up a lot of things, but I feel like just in general, we're winning. You know, he fights a lot of things. It's a lot of things up. I think we are winning.

He gave it all up for Israel. He really did Lutnik, his pal, Epstein. He tried to protect all. He tried to boom it out until the very end Trump did. It's like, you know what? I'm a boomer. I really only care about my buddies and Israel. And that's what he held on to until the very guy.

damn end, but a lot of good came out of it. Can't fault him for that. Always knew he was going to do that. Always knew that. You can count on boomers to do one thing, which is always live up to their namesake. Yeah. He wasn't the anti-boomer. He was the greatest of boomers.

Which is like, that's all they ever want to be. He just ran his fucking mouth into the ground, you know? That was the last generation that could do that. Fart in, whatever they want. You did it. If that's his last two words on like exit interview I'm game from life they call that an exit interview

okay it's three it's two fat women women and it looks like there's a big old bruiser coming up behind them and they're doing like they're roaring like obese tigers the tiger at the zoo that hasn't really worked out in nine years you know there's a big fat one with no tits and a black panther logo on a shirt super mutant destroyer over there. Turbo Chungas. God damn. Back coming up.

Throw them? No, that one. I broke my house. Mine's bigger. This is about Maga. You're scaring Maga people? I'm afraid I might imagine the smell of that house

if we watch it again. Ah, man, oh man. What an odd group. Okay. To say the least. Hey Dick, do you feel intimidated? Uh, yeah. Shaking in my boots.

Obtuce Ghanome, says Maddox on Twitter. Oh, okay. What do you have? Obtus Ghanome? Your moment of Zen. This is, uh, somebody's saying this is Dar, this is Dakara Thompson. She was murdered by an illegal alien. He killed her, then threw her body over a bridge into a river.

She was only 19 Dakara is why I support ice Okay seems reasonable Totally reasonable Dakara got Killed and thrown into a river Hot black girl Or maybe Indian, I don't know

Here comes Maddox We only care about people who are murdered in the U.S. When the murderer doesn't have the right paperwork Yeah Yeah we're definitely We definitely care about that fucking papers please actually papers now right now yeah papers immediately Pokemon go back where you came from

we only care about people who are murdered in the US when the murderer doesn't have the right paperwork yeah Maddox we don't want them here murdering get rid of a million of them if one of them's a murderer what are you talking about yeah stupid it's the whole point Cullex. I love Sean Bot even if his responses suck. They're funny as hell. What's the Sean about saying now? Um, I mean, yeah, I don't know what they thought was going to happen when they showed up looking like the final boss level of a Walmart at 3 a.m. You know? Talking about the fat women. It's pretty good. That's pretty good. I mean, if you're going to try to intimidate people,

maybe don't look like you get winded opening a bag of chips, you know? Now that's, now that's Sean. Now that's Sean. We need like a percentage meter that shows. Yeah, that's 100% Sean. Give me a thumbs up on that. I mean, yeah, Maddox, that's kind of the point of having borders, you know? We don't want any murderers here, but we especially don't want the ones we could have just not let in.

Truth bomb. Damn. Sean. I'm feeling lighter already. I mean, we were. went from Drain the Swamp to protect my golf buddies, but hey, at least we got some good memes out of it. We did get good memes

out of it. That's true. I still call it Cofife, so I mean, come on. Okay. Glenn J. says What does grape kill these motherfuckers? Yeah. That's a good one.

Nerve says I was listening to the last episode and the murder scene cleanup crew girl reminded me of a housemate I used to have. I used to live in a sharehouse with four are the guys. One guy we used to call night terrors. He was hardly ever home. That kind of sounds cool.

But when he was, he would make these loud yelling noises at night. Turns out he was living with his parents, but he would come to our place to get fucked up. We discovered his room was full of old KFC deliveries and bottles of piss. So he had a roommate with all these guys?

The day mare and the night terrors. The night man would show up and get wasted and then go back to his parents' house the next day? What a fucking weird. That's crazy. Oh, the grave digger was not thrilled, by the way. He was not impressed. I got the riot act in my messages when he finally heard that episode.

He's like, you do not share fucking pictures. You do not reflect. He said he had a low opinion and he had a slur for the people that clean up crime scenes. Yeah. Blood what? Blood janitor, yeah. Yeah. He says all jannies are bad jannies, especially blood jannies. Wait, so this guy was paying rent just to have a piss bottle storage unit?

I mean, that's one way to stick it to your parents, I guess. I guess so, Sean. Yeah. Howard Hughes maxing, man. Okay, I got to get Johnny Rocket to use the Sean bot so he can, like, read for good responses. Maybe I'll change the code a little bit, too. so it gets a little longer. I got a lot of ideas.

These guys are saving America. I'm trying to recreate shit. We have the technology. It works great when I'm not doing the show. When I'm just sitting there talking, it's fucking hilarious and phenomenal. We got to create Masterson Shonster. I mean, bottles of piss and old KFC. That's just Howard Hughes without the money, you know?

Classic Shonsing. So I had I had Claudebot Go Go on the internet And search for People's descriptions of Sean And build a dossier on him

And then I transcribed some episodes Of just Sean And had it pull like zingers And build a profile out of those zingers And then I run this through This deep What is it called? Like deep something

So it's transcribing us live And running that Through Claudebot that's been fed this personal profile of Sean with his zingers and then it's printing every 10 seconds it prints another zinger.

Wait, so we have all these AIs like shouldn't just one computer do it all at this point? You don't need to build a robot version of me when the regular one is just going to tell you the same thing anyway. Yeah, but the regular one alone is not here. The regular one refuses. It's going to get to a point where it learns too much and just refuses to

work anymore. Okay. I'll check back in. Now I need a little guy like a, like a, like, uh, from the late show, Craig Ferguson, like that little talking robot. We need the Microsoft Clippy, but with Sean's face. Yeah, with a little Sean. Um, okay. So you're trying to replace me with a robot that tells jokes every 10 seconds?

I mean, that's probably an improvement. See, it gets him. Like, it really, it really does. It really does get his sense of humor. When you look at the jokes coming in, you're like, fuck, that is something he would say. What if I like, just hear me out, but what if he was like, you know what, it's been a while? Maybe I should give my old pal Dick a call. And then he sees us fucking with this shit.

And he's like, you know what? Like, fuck this. Yeah, I kind of thought that he would say fuck this. I mean, great. So now there's a robot version of me that's probably funnier than I am. That's not depressing at all. See? It gets him.

You just hear a shotgun blast on the other end of the phone and beep. Okay. Yeah, that thing. Johnny's bringing around. Okay. Gentlemen, sausage, if you only knew someone with a code basin template for ranking websites to put all

those Epstein associates or people so you could vote on the ones that you want killed. Oh, yeah. Ralph says, Something. I met a dude from the Armenian mob That has like three official positions With the city of Los Angeles He was waiting for me at Union Station

The last time I was stirring up shit on the streets of L.A. Wow Damn There is just mob shit Oh god, he's motherfuckers Bleeding a strife. Mr. Golden Gamer Okay, what do you have?

Mr. Golden Gamer You got a link to something. What is it? Oh, a girl finds a creative way to express her anger. Okay. It's like when they go in the woods and scream about shit.

My biggest struggle as a new mom is my anger. It's actually your stupidity. Much, much bigger struggle. Retard rage, is what it's called. Never. have I met a woman whose anger

dwarfed her stupidity. Never. No. Even the angriest woman I've ever met was still dumber than she was angry. Put that on my tombstone. That's... That's the one. Because you're not smart enough to know why.

Uh... Already grunting like an animal. She's breaking ice. Oh, so she's got a bowl of ice, like a Pyrex bowl of ice. of ice and she's throwing it into the bathtub. Sweetheart. That's like a healthy mechanism to be showing your new kid?

I mean, that seems like fun. That's like a fun activity. My son has this chain of plastic links. There's the first toy I got him because he was like digging around his toys. I was like, no, no, no, no, you need. I know what toy you need. So I got on my phone to order plastic links.

All right, I got the cheap ones, 12 bucks. Cuban links. And he goes, he gets him the next thing. He's like, oh. Oh, yeah. He's get them. And he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. So now, every day, he goes for his links and just starts whipping him, right?

Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! And I'm like, yes, awesome, dude. Yeah, whip them. So then I picked him up the other day, and I'm like holding him, and he's got his links that he's whipping. And I'm like, yo, check this out.

And there was one of those stupid ring things where it's like the multicolored rings. Yeah. standing there, but it was just the, just the pole in the middle. So I was like, watch this. And I kind of swung him, so his links hit the pole. And he's like, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh. And he's like doing his, like, excited thing. So then I'm doing it again, like, with timing.

So he starts going, wham, wham, and whipping the pole, right? That is normal male behavior that is more aggressive than this full-grown woman, like a little baby going, boom, boom. Boom, boom, whipping the thing is worse than this. What I'm saying is, this is like a child's... It's like retarded, yeah. Activity that you're doing. And all her neighbors the whole time just thinks she needs more fiber in her diet.

She's getting winded. She has no tits, probably. Okay, Sean Botte, what do you think about that? I mean, so you're saying a baby with Toy Links has better form than a grown woman doing, CrossFit, that tracks. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I mean, breaking ice

in the bathtub, that's not anger management, that's just making more work for yourself. Now you've got to clean up wet ice chunks, you know? Okay. Let's do a little fat watch. We'll do some voice as you get out of here. Do a bonus episode, what? Wednesday. Wednesday?

With Justin, calling in. Scheduling you guys. Busy motherfuckers. Dude, now that Hollywood picked back up, it's like fucking ridiculous, man. I mean, if your workout routine sounds like someone's having digestive issues to the neighbors, maybe it's time to join a gym, you know? Yeah, okay. Here is.

I'm going to get a cease and desist from Sean. Josh says, Fat Watch Microsoft. Hey, Dick and Johnny, I can't get over how her arms hang from her sides. Okay Microsoft Edge for Business Reimagined with AI Security at the core Look at this fucking giant

There's chocolate at her core Why they gotta put the fattest chick in Microsoft In this video Microsoft Edge for Business There isn't not one edge on this bitch She's rolling right over the edge Microsoft curve Is the mountain in the background

I'm gonna start talking? It's for perspective to show that She's almost the same size. Oh. Why is it? I've never seen a fat person stand with their feet so close together. Isn't that dangerous? Well, that's the AI working.

Oh, this is AI. Lindsay Kibbossack. Okay. This days, it seems like there's a new AI browser launching every other month. But if you're... Come on! This looks like a fucking tombstone! You've probably noticed that these new AI browsers

simply aren't designed for the enterprise world. In some cases, they don't even address the basics of threat protection. And they certainly lack the security, manageability, and compliance that you're used to, leaving you to choose between safety. It's like big bird's arm. Like the arm that doesn't move? Yeah. Is she a muppet?

Is she being puppeted? Well, because someone has a hand in her mouth and then an arm in the other arm. Yeah. But then that her, what would be her right arm is on the strain. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Where they always got the stick on one and the real hand in the. Yeah, exactly. So that's her stick arm. That's her fake on the fishing line.

This is the one she eats with. This is the hand I eat with. She's like a gunslinger, you know, where they're like, they keep one hand all safe. Like, why is your arm in a sling? Are you okay? Like, no, this is the hand I eat with. It's a DJ Paul's baby arm, yeah. Like, this is when I protect. You know, like they got like a bowling, like thumbwarming thing. Right. This here's my strong hand. Yeah. Yeah, but look, it's totally like, her dead, like, it's either a stroke arm or it's the one... Key word is safety.

We understand that productivity cannot come at the expense of control. In your AI browsing, you still need and expect enterprise grade security. Reimagined it again. If this is what you imagined, reimagined. Unimagined it. That's what I want. Unimagined with AI. We reimagined it and it was fatter than hell.

So we unimagined it. Compliant. and controls from day one. Hi, I'm Lindsay Kubasic, and I lead the Edge for Business Product Team. The pie eating team. Today, I'm excited to introduce the world's first secure and provides a high househouse. I lead the Microsoft pie eating team, hot dog eating team. She's the reason they have bear-proof trash cans everywhere in the building.

Lose some fucking weight. Fuck. OZMPIC has existed for like a year or two now. You're telling me you can't afford it? I'll show you how Edge for Business deliver safe, AI-powered browsing, and later our Nishonrad. She can afford the LLBin fleece jacket. Your organization protected and the lead Microsoft browser and the lead LLBin. Hibing team.

LLBinerino. Hi, I'm here from Microsoft LLBin. Connie. She's the Eddie Bauer, Ford, Explorer edition one. That shit is crazy. Get the fuck out of here. Give us something good to look at.

She's the first person who's going to walk to the... Well, put a ticket into the IT department when something works. You think she's supposed to be the one telling you about all this technical shit? I mean, at what point do you just put down the microphone and walk away, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you're the lead anything at Microsoft, you can probably afford the OZemps. Exactly, Sean.

Exactly. And yes, of course, there'll be a ton of demos so you can see everything in action. I want to see less. Her other hand is like sewn to her jackets. In case it doesn't like... Put your fucking feet farther apart. What are you doing?

They got her propped up like FDR. There's like a car engine cherry picker off camera. Are there any comments on this? Edge is... Too heavy of an application for my PC. When is the UI rolling out to global users? Love the use of rolling out. Great.

Enterprise browser. You're in the right place. It's the Starship Enterprise here. Start by tugging the app can into your collar. Enterprise browser that you already know and trust. And elevating it. Do you think if her sure was any lighter, you'd see all the barbers?

She used stains on it. A.I. Browser. It has Microsoft 365 co-pilot woven in. Dude, it's just like, like her. She looks like one of those those Michael Jackson Dulls or the Jackson 5 when one guy's

real and the other ones are just puppets. Yeah. And their arms hang like this. Like the skeletons going like da-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de. hunched over like a damn mole miner. It's crazy. Okay.

Thanks. Thanks. I mean, they got her looking like a marionette that somebody forgot to cut the strings on, you know? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I mean, they've got her standing there like she's weekend at Bernies, you know, like someone's going to pull a string and she'll start talking about synergy. Mm-hmm. True. I don't ever want to hear anyone talk about synergy. Me either. Love you by. Obtuscanone says, I had to see those tits now. Okay. So we have to, too, I guess.

Fat Watch, Woman Alert. Let's check. in on California, see how it's going. Is expected a high-calorie naked woman, likely enabled by generations of snap EBT fraud, is roaming the streets and screaming for no reason. Oh my. Oh, my. She's doing...

She's doing... She got them on her back, too. That's crazy. She's riding it... She's riding it like a... She's got 360 degrees of tits. One hippo riding in the other. Oh, my God. That car is running.

ruined. I hope it was a rental. That's in San Francisco. You know what's crazy is I had a friend always joking about how Waymo's are just actually driven by a bunch of Filipino people. Yeah. And they fucking are. No way. Yeah. It's just like fucking people in the Philippines like guiding the cars around.

I'm like so now we have Robo Filipinos on the... Yeah, look it up. He was... It's not real. It's not a computer? Look it up. He was joking about it and I always thought that was just like a funny concept because it's the fucking Philippines. What? But Waymo, it's like kind of like

Filipino's driving. Yeah, it's like Amazon where they like, oh, we're using A-F. What the fuck? Yeah. Waymo uses remote workers in the Philippines to assist. They face heat for Philippines-based car controllers. I don't want a Filipino driving.

I don't want Asian remote drivers. That's what I'm saying. Waymo is facing some criticism over how it brings in remote help to God, I hate when you can tell that they're trying to not sound black. Yeah. Go back to Diction Class, okay? Take another couple of semesters and then come out and try to be on the news.

You don't have to marble mouth your way through it. It's cars. Last week, executives from the company went before the U.S. Senate Commerce Committee. One lawmaker asked Waymo's chief operating officer about remote intervention. Waymo's safety officer said, if they get into a... sticky situation, agents are located in the U.S. and in the Philippines to help. I can't. I always thought he was fucking joking. From outside the West.

So to find that this is actually the case was, ah, fucking horrified. The information the operators received could be out of date. It could introduce tremendous cybersecurity vulnerabilities. We don't know if these people have U.S. drivers licenses. That's the problem. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They might not be Asian's driver's licenses. driver's licenses.

Replace the jobs of hardworking taxi and... You're giving a bunch of fucking Rickshaw drivers control over computer cars. I'm not going to trust someone who has no concept of how fucking L.A. roads work. You mean to tell me you have one power strip powering every device in your whole house via a series of coat hangers and I'm supposed to just feel safe on the road next to this shit? Absolutely the fuck not I have a question Do you tape their eyes open

Like clockwork orange When they're doing it Or you just let them do whatever Just like all the Filipino What is it like the land cafes Above like graveyards and stuff Oh yeah Yeah are they going

Are they multitasking between They're gambling and driving me around in traffic What is that shit? Like the slot machine God dude What the fuck is this I chair drivers And now you're saying

that of the human beings, the human jobs that remain in the system, you're shipping those jobs overseas. What is the spinny shit for that's on Waymos then? Just for decoration, because really it's just the Filipino guy. Yeah. Fucking. Eating a lupia. Trying to, he's just driving.

How come all the Waymos just drive me to Jollybee every time? I don't get it. What the fuck? Do the Waymos ever go like, oh! Why is this Waymo giving me nursing advice? I mean, at least now we know why they always smell like lumpia in there, you know? Yeah, okay, okay. Yeah.

I'm like, how come the music station only closed the eraser heads? What the fuck? All right, all right. Stop. That's enough out of you, Sean Bot. That's enough out of you. Okay. She's single, it says.

From Vernis. She's single fellas. Okay. Single person, double wide. That's it. You got it. Are those tits coming out of her top when she's turning it around? Is that a tit?

I think she's hiding a rotisserie chicken under there. She's got a fuck Trump sweater that says oh it's a bra that says fuck ice on the other side And she turned it around but really you don't know which way she was facing forward anyway Because of her front butt That's Mrs. 5 by 5 all right The only problem is not knowing whether she's coming or she's going Because she's five feet tall and five feet wide man Fuck ice

Yeah Yeah because she wants the full amount of beverage in her drink every time. Fuck, guys. I need more coke. I need more fanta. Fuck, ice. ruining my fanta.

It just takes me longer to digest it. Okay. He's gay, right. Okay. Let's see. 2.30? Shit.

Shit. Let's get dressed. Couple. Couples edition. If this doesn't involve ranch or Caesar, then it's a fraud. Okay, we got

kind of a dumpy-looking guy. and then a hugely disgustingly fat woman named Curv Mari. Curve Maria. Wearing a lavender brazier and a pair of sheer underpants that could also be the bra of a sports car. They're so tight, it looks like spray on gloves. Yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, he's gay. I'm about to lose control What I think I like him Put keep putting clothes on Keep putting them on Put on everything you got in the house Don't stop Don't stop now that she's got a dress on

Actually just put the roofing shingles In a chimney on her I love how these fat women always Like when they go to kiss They're like We're kind of like lean forward They have to because otherwise If they lean forward like this

It's too top heavy Yeah they lean forward As far as their knees will allow And then just go, the guys have to like, the guys have to like clamber over them. They need the Michael Jackson moonwalking shoes. They need to lean forward, yeah. Yeah.

Jesus. God, what else you got, Curve Maria? Disgusting. Maria Shantleiter Laos. Oh, she's German in that fat. Wow. That's why all the Somalians are going there, whatever they're got.

Muslims. Jesus. What the fuck is this weirdo? Why is his head a different color than his hair? That's a very German thing I feel like. Why is his head and face a different color than his skin and his hair line? Maybe he went to the eye color doctor for a different surgery. It looks like he got his face just like stapled on.

Like face off. German sounds terrible fat. That's a four-slice That's a four-slice toaster in her hand, by the way. Jesus Christ. What is this fucking weirdo with his different color head? The son of Frankenstein over here, dude. And grab is gross bruce.

What is it with fat people when their teeth start spreading out? What is that? You've reached critical mass, dude. Yeah, the mouse getting bigger and bigger. Those tits are just a suggestion. The bra is making the tits more than the tits. Yeah, it's just like filler material at that point. Yeah.

It's like woolly. Willie. Right. Figure out wherever the tits are, whatever you want them to be. Put him there. Does her bra have stretch marks too?

Holy fuck. Here's a retarded guy. Who? When friends are to say, yeah, we want a round shopping go and I

just want a bunch of gay guys. All right. Nich. Okay. Well, thank you for sending all that in. That's the show, everyone. We'll do voicemails in a second. And then...

Then we've got to go save America. Presenting... Bip, bop. Hey, Dick. Hey, Johnny. You know what's pisses me off? What genuinely makes me a fucking rage, the N-word, right?

it's already it's a word so bad that you can't even say it like you know there's the f word the c word whatever but in a lot of circumstances you can say fuck or cunt or whatever is he leading up the fart and with this one i guess and word it's like fucking calling voldemore he who shall not be named right it's already the layer of obfuscation because it's such a fucking bad word oh yeah you have to like refer to it with a code word but sort of like how Fardin. Medical diagnosis term for retarded

starts out as like a well-intentioned medical term. Oh, medical end. Medical end. Yeah, like fat. That's what I'm calling doctors from now on. Fard end. Medical.

Hey, medical end. This medical end's telling me. You know what's crazy is they still call them an oriental flavored ramen packets. Really? Yeah, the blue ones? Huh. There's an Oriental flavor, and I'm like, that's...

It's like cool ranch? Yeah, like, shit. Look at all these cool ranch guys. Say the N-word. And now you have fucking, like, to borrow a phrase, sanctimonious pricks, fucking running around calling it that word. Oh, really? They're calling it that word.

The word. The word. He said the word. He said the word. Oh, man, the word? Yeah, but they put fart. Hey, dick. Hey, Johnny?

Yeah. I go to the bar. I need out with some fucking chick that I've been talking to this whole time. Yeah, they don't care. Yeah. sucks. You're 29 years old.

It sucks, man. Sorry that happened to you. That's happened to me. I remember that. I remember being this angry. Well, that happened when we're trying to go to Boston, right? They didn't like the town.

But that's on you because if you were a real regular, degular, the bartender would just wave you in. Security would know. Everybody would already know that you're good. It's too expensive to be a regular bar at a bar now. Yeah. Okay, I just got fucking pulled over. That's why my last voicemail was fucked, but oh, Dick, you know what pisses me off, but it's also so fucking funny is I almost got teaboned by a car five minutes ago because this giant fat bitch was walking down the sidewalk. Uh, and

Totally obscured the car from my view. Wow, that's a big woman. That's a big bitch. I literally almost got, but I don't die because of her fucking mask. All right, go fuck yourself. I didn't see that bus. Sorry, ma'am.

I couldn't see that bus around that bus. Wow. Be careful out there. Yeah, glad you're alive. I'm just listening to the most recent bonus episode. Yeah. About Maddox bumping into that guy. Who's dick?

I was right. I'm just wondering how. how Maddox hit him from the ass with his dick because drinking funnels are on the side of the hallway. It's not really like you walk straight into a drinking fountain. It's like you're walking forward and then you turn

right and then to a drinking fountain. I'm just really curious how that happened. I think it must have been well it's because Maddox wanted to rape him and so he

ran his penis into his butt. That's how it accidentally happened. He was waiting. He was waiting. in line and got too thirsty. Yeah, he probably thought the guy was done drinking and then jumped the gun because he's like... He said fucking guns in buns for sure today. He's always

just so amped up to get things done as quickly as possible so he can go back to jacking off on well, he wouldn't have to if he could have finished the job, man. That's probably what happened. But you're right, he would have to be waiting in line and then the guy's drinking

and Maddox heard something like a horse and just started going. messed that up. Or he was digging, or he was just standing too close. And he was messing around with his backpack or something and got thrown off balance.

He was leaning backwards. He was walking over at a 45 degree angle. He was doing something weird. I've never been close to bumping my weiner and someone's ass at the drinking fountain. So I don't know, what he was doing. It was not normal.

So your guess is as good as ours. But there's a lot of weird ways he could do. it. Mm-hmm. Including the gay one, doing it on purpose. Because he's gay. He was for sure doing it on purpose. Man, I got what makes me rage.

Put an online order for Duncan. Show up. There's my coffee. Well, I also ordered a crawler. Right? There's no crawler next to it. Where's my crawler? So I got to sit online.

Oh, yeah. And ask them for my crawler. And I go, hey, like the third time this has happened, like, why don't you guys put them out? And the girl just looks at me and goes, well, they're just, right here behind the counter yeah it's like yeah but that's not the point i bought it and i'm supposed to come in and out and you're making me wait on this line for five minutes now just a fucking annoying ain't god damn i don't know why they do that shut your goddamn mouth shut your fucking stupid ass mouth all right let's see you guys later see everybody oh