The Dick Show - Episode 498 - Dick on Hitler Ice Cream

Episode Date: February 23, 2026

Restore Britain doesn't care, a racist advertisement is banned, a guy gets the world's worst face tattoo, an incident at the pee factory, the Fart N girl deserved it, Pokemon Go back where you came from, a dance interpretation of ICE shootings, and fixing a swing; all that and more on this episode of The Dick Show!

Why you got to bring up that subscription car wash right before the show? My life is just like a battle of subscriptions. Like I'm getting eaten by subscriptions on this end and Every single one is appealing talking about subscription car washes and I'm in Well, see that's the thing is What makes it sell to like a timeshare Well, I thought it was bullshit because I'm all anytime anything's a subscription I mean it's got to be bullshit, but I know I know and you know we both

independently arrived at the conclusion that that it's something we need. I looked at it and I said, I want to come back and get this subscription car wash shit. 20 bucks a month, I'm in. It's good. Well, here's the thing.

As much as I love paying to use a shitty power washer in the middle of fucking Hollywood where there's a bunch of bums coming after me. Yeah. Asking me for the quarters that I'm trying to quickly put in this fucking machine. Yeah? You could just drive.

Which ends up costing you 15 bucks if you do a good job. Oh, the self-car wash. Yeah. I hate, every time I go to that thing, I hate it. It's fun. Because of me. I'm just so, like, I just want to sit there with a wand and go like, and then it never gets clean.

I never get shit out of the back. And then I run out with soap still on the car. I'm like, fuck. Right. And that's why it costs so much. Yeah. This, you just drive through it. And here's where.

Life on Easy Street. Not only is it life on Easy Street. You get a chance to get one over on them. Yeah. Because as I was mentioning, there's usually a little thing out front that gives you, it says please take one and it's an air freshener and a dash wipe

that means I'm gonna take them all that means I'm gonna get my Somalian reparations take them all yeah I'm like you mean it's fucking six bucks for a three pack of these black ice air fresheners at AutoZone yeah

I'm gonna air freshener in the whole house yeah every room I still have something from fucking Halloween new in bags still because that's how many I grab oh god I'm air freshener I should start reselling them even that's how many

air fresheners I have. Put them on Etsy. Check out my Etsy. Artisanal air fresheners. I need money for leukemia treatment. Check out my Etsy. See, but that's how you can get one over. That's some, it's, look,

they're going to get you no matter what. It's the allure of free air fresheners. It's just to sucker you in for, then one day, here's what happens. Let me tell you what happens. You get your subscription car wash for 20 bucks a month, and you go in there every day. you got this nicest car on the block

and they go Oh damn look there goes Johnny With his nice ass clean ass car There he goes right All the bitches are saying that But then one day One day you had a rough day And you had the car wash

And they're like oh our car wash Broke down can you just wait a minute And you're like oh man And you see it out of the corner of your eye A fucking Mountain Dew And you go I should really I'm gonna buy that Mountain Dew

and sit here I shouldn't I'm gonna buy that mountain dew that $4, $5 mountain dew, sit here in line. And there, and there it is. That's how they get you. There it goes. Now you're underwater. Now it'll take you six years of car washes to make up for that one mountain dew, Johnny.

Well, I'll tell you where my grab more than one air freshener came from. It's because it was broken down the other day. And you drank the air fresheners? No, I sat there and went, well, fuck, I got to get something for my time. So I sat next to the thing and I would roll down my window. Are you Somalian, Johnny? I might be. Yeah, I'm not half Samoan.

It's Somalian. No wonder you're so skinny. The Brit certificate people mixed you up. This guy's Samoan? He looks a little skinny. Auto-correct. Went to the closest one. You're coming in here with a light bulb head.

I can see your ribs. I'm Samoan. I don't know about that. Somebody had an auto-correct mishap. But I'm telling you, man, I got 30 free air. Again, that's why I still have some from Halloween. Ah All right

I'm out of it Ah My wife took a day and a half off How Just went to her friend's party or something I don't know I was watching the baby all by myself My god

My knees fucking shot today She came back And she's like Oh how did it go It was totally amazing No crying at all Actually No one missed you at all

if he doesn't even know who you are anymore. So I thought if there's one thing that I'll make sure this never happens again, I got to go like, actually nobody missed you while you were gone. It was great. He slept all night. He did sleep all night, but that's not why I told her that. Fucking good. That's the only answer. I think he slept all night because I just slept through it.

I'm like, wow, it's 4.30? He didn't wake up at 2 and he didn't wake up at 11 and 2? Huh. That's crazy. And then I thought, wait, that is crazy. I think I probably just slept through it. No, that's cool. That's being a good dad. He figured it out.

He's like, ah, that fat fuck isn't going to come in here. That deaf shithead? Thought you had hyper accuses, dude? Where are you at? Hyper, don't give a fucks this. Hyper fucking don't give a fuckus, man. Took him up to my parents' house. Like, this will make it easier.

It didn't. Well, that baby doesn't know. You know what I got to? Oh, man. Oh man. So my dad's got this. My sister's got has two kids. They're both older like eight and ten. So they're all their all their baby shit's coming out of storage now. You know, my parents all headed in the attic. So they say, oh, he's big enough for the swing. You're a little baby's big enough for the swing now. I said, yeah, get the swing out. Let's set it up. So my dad sets the, set the swing up outside and he's got this ratchet strap tied around a tree branch, right? He's got in it. And as he's, the ratchet strap's already in the tree. And he's got this swing.

You know, it's a little baby swing. So it's got like a little bucket seat. And then it's got two little rope things coming out to sides, right? And each rope thing has a hook on the top. And as he brought it out, I was like, oh, this is bringing, this is giving me a memory, right? I see him pulling it over. I'm like, oh, man. ah this is gonna be good

so he hooks it up he tooks the two side ropes up to one single point on the ratchet strap that's wrapped around the tree branch right you can see the problem already here a triangular if you ever go to a park and the little kids and see a triangular swinging device because I sure haven't I said whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa

and I remembered my sister had kids I watched him set it up wrong and I was like not going to be, you know, I'll let, I'll let my brother-in-law deal with it. It's not my kids. Yeah, exactly. It's not my kids. I'm not, I'm not dicking around and then getting yelled at for you put the things in lopsided and now it's wobbling a little bit, right? Turns it into a tire swing. Um, exactly. It's a fucking tire swing you built here, dude. But there's not a tire. It's a seat. You fucked it up. So I said, hey, hey, hey, whoa, Whoa, what's going on here? What do you call this? What do you call this? It's like what? This is how it's always been set up. I said, whoa

Always set up. You always set this up like this. Whoa! You got a fucking, uh, fucking Isocellus triangle here. You got a scaling... What is it when the two sides are... You got an isosceles are all of them equal. I don't know what two of them are equal. Scalar? No, that's all three are different. fucking triangular pyramid over here, buddy. Whoa, whoa, whoa. And he said, he goes, how's it supposed to me? I said, please. Please. Not in front of my son. Please.

So, dad, what happened here is you fucked up the ratchet strap. I don't want to explain to you what you did. You just watch. Hold the baby, you go over there. How far? How far? until you can't reach this anymore.

I pulled it off. You know, did like a figure eight, so there's two little rope things. Right? Correct. Yeah. Hooked it up.

Hooked it up. I said, all right, give me the baby. Give me the baby. Now you can see it looks like it does on the picture, you know, like every other swing

you've ever seen in your fucking life where it's two going like this, right? You should know God damn well why there's supposed to be two. So he isn't throwing up. Give me my son. I put him in the swing.

I pulled it back. I was like, all right, buddy, here you go. Here's that. This is what a swing looks like. Your fucking dumb cousins didn't get this shit. There's his entire swing. Pull it back. I let it go, and it goes, and the swing goes,

shoof, shoof, and my dad goes, it's a little wobbly. Presenting. Is it? Is it a little wobbly? Yeah! You want to dig you love that you need to. Dick you got it. It's the show where it was a contest.

Give me a live from Mount Burkwood Deep in the Hoda City of Failure. I'm your host. Stick Masterson. Joining me as always is Johnny the audio engineer. Can you believe that? I had forgotten about my original fear. By the time I got it in, I was so satisfied with the quality of the workmanship

and the end result. And I immediately hear it. It's a little wobbly, man. Yeah, then what does he call what his swing would have fucking bid? Put your tire swing back up. We spin you around in it Ah Your dad somehow always has that one extra

Thing to just make your day It's like if someone took like a wire like a thin piece of wire and trimmed off like the tiniest little fraction of like the very tip of your nose Like if you were laid on a band saw It's just like that a little bit of like Like you have nightmares about that Yeah just like the tiniest piece It's just like oh I've known you've done too many drugs like fucking

nose always looked like that something looks fucked up with my nose I gotta fix it It's just like the tiniest little Like somehow Some way he just finds a way It is wobbly Thanks thanks for

Thanks for calling it to my attention His fucking He's wobbly man It's not fucking spinning around though Is it like a Like that lady in the helicopter Like an observatory art piece Yeah

Otherwise it's Fine, would you say, rate it. Fine. How about that bonus episode where we learned the fart-en woman, the woman that said fart-en, a listener called in and said that she's actually not based at all. In fact, she's a turbo liberal, libt hard, I think he said. So fuck her. No one's saying fart-in. She, you, nobody.

That's a hate speech Fart in It's always these leftists, man It's always they're the real racists They are That's what we found out yet again We jumped to conclusions Thinking this cute blonde girl

Was actually A based innocent woman But She is a freak Piece of shit She's a dirtbag racist as it turns out Big old dumb bitch.

Fucking bitch. And she deserved to get fired. And quite frankly, you can fill in the rest. Everybody knows what I was going to say. Everybody knows. Especially Maddox. We had a great Maddox-themed bonus episode. What the hell was that shit at the end?

Man, Justin brought in some bangers where this pre-trans gay man was on the best. the biggest debate in the universe. Twice, apparently. Yeah, and he was flirting with Maddox the whole time. And then Maddox did his show, which was like two guys rubbed knees in my apartment, starring me and this pre-trans homosexual man or straight woman. I don't know what it was.

A straight man who might be a little weird, according to Buffalo. Well, he's a gay man and a straight woman. I'm going to say. Straight woman in a gay man's body. But there were some sparks flying. There were some romantic sparks. Really getting charged up. More than these touching.

There was some spiritual weaners touching. We got to go. We spent a long time on that. And then his new boyfriend called him a cock. Ooh. In the face afterwards. Right in the face. that was a good one

oh I hear he's home that's good um he missed you clearly yeah man we're we moved to a preschool walk through

that's weird like that happens so fast I feel like I know it's too fast I'm still not even used to the fact that he's around I don't want to go to school

fuck that yeah why does he have to go to school yeah to watch him no I don't all right school it is then just like a half day whatever, I don't know. It's in a couple years, but you gotta go now.

You gotta, like, buy your, get your reservation now because it fills up so fucking fast. It's because everybody's really amped up. We gotta go to the orientation. So we're at the orientation, where they're telling you, like, this is scissors, this is some sand that the kids play in, and everyone's like, oh, everyone's like Hillary Clinton, right?

Oh, this is some sand that they, sit in and, you know, play with it in their hands. So they don't usually pissing it, but it will happen. Yes, I have a question. Where does the piss come from? Good question. So, speaking of piss, we all get lined up to go in the room, right? And listen to the presentation.

And the lady's like, all right, if we can go into the next room, we can see more of the presentation. And she opens the door. And there's like three little kids pissing and three little boys pissing in there. And only I, it happened to be in the entire room that we all filed into, I like to lean. Right, I'm Mr. Lean. So they call me Trayvon Martin. I like to lean so much.

I was sitting in the back, leaning up against the most leanable surface there. I saw one of the other dads try to lean on something. Fucking easel. Fell over. Made a bunch of noise. I said, you fucking idiot. That was obviously unleannable. Who the fuck tries to lean against an easel?

Who the... Exactly. It's like, how the fuck do you think physics works? You dumb prick? You're going to cause your kid a lot of problems. I could see. You're probably going to fuck up ratchet straps, argue. He leaned on an easel.

What a fucking dummy. I'm over here leaning on cubbies. And I'm leaning on with the point. So I'm not leaning in the middle. So as to break through... I do not want to be the fat dad that breaks through the cubby. And then the cubbies are broken for 50 years.

I don't think so, Tim. So I'm leaning there. So I'm the only one that's looking directly down the wall towards the other door. Imagine in your mind a room full of adults. And then there's a door at the bottom right. And then there's me leaning up against the bottom wall. Nobody else is leaning. You know, they're too charged up with questions as people are on tours.

What, have they never been to a school before? They've never seen the sun before. People go on a tour and they act like they just got unthawed, like a caveman. You notice that? Like, you go to any fucking tour. And like, okay, this is a tour. Oh, we're going on a tour of Ralph's? I don't need a tour of Ralph's.

Well, we're going on a tour of Ralph's. Okay, first question. Why is it cold in here? Why is it slightly cold in here compared to the outside? Yeah, everyone turns into an NPR interview. Yeah. It's so fucking annoying. What's my favorite word?

Can I ask you? What kind of people do you usually get asking questions on these tours? Can you shut the fuck up? So, and they'll ask it over anybody giving a tour. So do we have any questions? They'll say, hi, how's everybody doing? Do we have any questions?

Like, right away. Just ask it one time. So I'm leaning against the cubicles. She opens the door. and it's just like fucking piss factory in here there's three little kids with their pants around their fucking ankles

like feels good man and I'm like okay I don't want to I don't want to like overreact and you know set everybody into like a piss copter fucking piss a lanch here

but I also but I don't want to look at this and I look they open the door and I'm like what? And I have a second. And then the first place I look, I'm like, abort, right? A board.

Safe. Like, if I walked in, if I walked in, and I saw an adult with his pants around his ankles and a shirt pulled up, pissing, I would go, whoa, like that, right? But I'm like, I don't want to fucking signal these kids. Like, something's fucked up. And they'll start running around and pissing and trip over their pants that around their ankles. So I just went, okay. and looked, you know, off to the side. But I don't know why I looked, and then I happened to look,

and there was another little kid looking right in my eyes. Like, buddy, look, I don't know how to tell you this, but... Don't be doing that shit. It's not my... This isn't my fault. I know you're looking at me for the verse. This is like a core memory for you. And I look like... I mean, I look better than this.

I look terrible today, but I saw this big fucking shitty-looking beard. like it looked like an old grandpa you know I don't look like it his dad's probably like 25 it's like there's this old man looking in the bathroom today at preschool like well wasn't my fucking

and I wanted to shout well you close the goddamn door like it's me in there nobody's closing the door the women are in like a fucking time shield they think they're all invisible or something

I'm like then so I look away my wife's like looking at me like this. Oh, God damn it. You fucking suck. So then I see out of my periphery,

the kids are all panicking, you know, pissing all over the place. And the lady says, okay, now they're out. Everybody come in here to the next room,

right? And it was raining. So everybody had their shoes off outside. So I said, wait a minute. Everyone come in the next room. There's a bunch of pit.

Okay. And before I could, you know, before I could even know what was happening, I just see all these people walking through the piss factory with their socks. No. Like, oh. My wife goes, and I'm like, oh, honey, hold on.

Just wait for a second. She goes, why? And I was like, you know what? Go for it. Go on. So I wait for the end. You know. Thinking.

Well, they probably mopped all the piss off. I'm not going to go put my shoes on, but... Man. I'm not sloshing around through piss. What is this? The fucking Indian school up the street? I couldn't stop laughing. Because that kid was like, oh!

Like, yeah, I know, man. It fucking sucks at that half. Usually these things have a lock on them. Usually you're not going three at a time. But, sorry that happened to you. I hope you didn't get a... Don't get a good description of me. Public school on any level

is just a terrifying place, man. You never know what the fuck you're going to walk in a few. You can't piss with your pants down like that. You've got to be prepared to kick the leg off and run. Yeah. That's the move. Your instinct will tell you I took that kid aside. I'm like, look, that ever happens to you again.

You've got to just kick the pants off and run. You don't want to be... You don't want to be the guy bent. over trying to pull your pants up and pissing in your pants. Okay? You just kick the pants off. You got to fight your instinct. You kick the pants off and run. Right? You can always get, you can always get another pair of pants. Knock someone out and steal their pants. Or most of the, you know, they might stay on your foot and then you can just find somewhere safe. Like a denim skip it. It's like a skim. It's like a skim. Skip it. Yeah. You don't have those anymore. Or maybe you do.

Maybe they're back. I don't know. I don't know, man. You never know what the fuck's coming back. Hey, there's a new Indian CEO at Xbox. Did you know that? Can you believe that? That's just American.

If there's one job, a white man doesn't want to do, it's being the CEO of Xbox. They asked every, they asked every white guy. every gamer, even Indian gamers, hell, you know what? They ask every white guy, black guy, Mexican guy, even every Indian guy,

couldn't find one man who wanted to be head of Xbox video games. That's how we, that's how lazy men are. They went through every single, A, Adam, Bert,

Clifford, they went through every, fucking name until they got Sarinjul Rishmution or whatever from Instacart Piss right in my face fucking dumb bitch

Then she's on there She's online being like Being like actually I'm Facing the questions I welcome the criticism That's even worse I think that's why no one wants to be CEO of Xbox Because everyone knows it fucking sucks

Because Xbox sucks Fucking just does Well perhaps appointing an Indian AI executive They should have just put an AI in charge of it directly Give it co-pilot to everyone Yeah give co-pilot out of everyone Holy shit that's Microsoft Vigene for you dude

Bro We fucking got Microsoft Vigine Running Xbox now God damn it Go fuck yourself She said wait I have a quote from her I loved You know I loved video games

when I was a kid I couldn't even explain I couldn't even explain probably 90% of games to a woman if she said what are you doing I was like you know what

there's just no chance I could explain it to you maybe when I was a kid I would have tried I would have been excited and like well actually I'm building a robot and a robot fighting league and you can switch out the parts and you game now they're like

okay cool yeah I'm always just like this is a game where I walk around and listen to the radio. Oh, I played that game. Yeah, it's a great game. What is she? She wants to prioritize games with deep emotional resonance

and a distinct point of view. Bitch, what the fuck does that mean? Deep emotional resonance. Don't you resonate my nuts? You know, for all the, like, you know, the significance of something like Pong or even, like, Super Mario, or any kind of shit like that.

Yeah. It's just like a game. Yeah. It's a challenge of your fucking motor skills and hand-eye coordination, really. Deep emotional resonance. So like chick shit, that's what you want? Games with chick shit in them? She highlighted stories that make players feel something, citing Firewatch.

As a personal example. Firewatch. Firewatch. Like the $8 game, the most fucking... Hey, that's a game where you walk around, but you listen to a different kind of radio. That's a game you play. with your girlfriend. And then she goes to bed and you're like,

hell yeah, fucking vampire survivor. Here we go. And then you sit there going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, pew, pew, pew, be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Fuck! Yeah. When you screw up. I get it. And then your girlfriend wakes up and goes, can we play Firewatch again? I love the story. Oh, I don't want to do the controller.

Can you do the controller? That's who's in charge of Xbox. Can you, your girlfriend that likes to watch to watch you play video games like you're a fucking accountant you want to play video games tonight uh sure

okay I don't want to play though you want to you play I like to watch you become the Nintendo operator for the evening yeah I'll be your fucking Nintendo pilot today get nice and cozy so you can fall asleep while I play this stupid game this $8

game so then she's like $600 system So then she's pretending to be a gamer, so she's like, so I like Halo and all the, you know, all the good ones. Like, I love classical music. I like Mozart and all the good ones. So she's got all these trophies on her, like, account.

They're all new. They're all brand new. These gamers are like, what? Why wouldn't, you're telling me an Indian woman lied? What? Yeah, that's like a 200% chance. Fucking 2,000% chance. Yeah.

Not one white guy Not one guy even Not one guy Wanted to do that Any guy looks at that And goes I don't want to be in charge of this Fucking fire pit

Could have called any guy Hey are you Is there a man Around you Yeah can you ask him If he wants to be CEO of Xbox He said yes

Great Send him in Randomly Oh here's the Did you see the Israeli Bob sled team I did see that That's funny

Swedish guy was like talking about Israel's their whole bobsled ride just man I'd play it but it's in Swedish so you can't tell what the fuck he's talking about their entire ride there's like two audience members who

would just like really get a kick out of that yeah maybe it's worth it for them here they are these Israeli bobsled team fresh off their genocide and he's going into like crew by crew of how they support the wiping out

Palestinian. It's like a Fred Willard skit. And then he stops at the end and goes, and they've placed in dead last. They got beat by Jamaica.

And then they got disqualified. They got disqualified today for lying about being sick so they could switch their team around. They got kicked out after. Wow, it's come down to sports now too, not just. countries. I see. Yeah. Oh, we're too sick. We need a better guy in here.

Be like, look, look, we need the Jamaicans were a stretch, but come on. Yeah. Okay, here's an advertisement that got back. Oh, man. Have you been reading the restore written guys post? No. I've seen a few of your posts, but man. I read this guys. I read every single one of these. I read and I remix them in my head. Cool. Grabby miscreants. Do do, do, do, do, do.

We'll be deported. Do do, do, do. Grabby miscreants. Do, do, do, do, do. We don't care. That's cool. Can somebody, can someone mix them out there? Restore Britain's post?

Mama Mia. You got Japan? They're giving bounties. They got, if you hit immigrants in the head with a pokey ball that they're handing out, you give 50 bucks. You gotta knock them out. They're giving out pokey balls, weighted poke balls.

You can club immigrants in the head, and then they'll give you 50 bucks, traps them inside. It's real hammers, but the hammerhead is painted red so you think it's plastic? It traps them inside. The phantom zone.

Electricity. And the guy dressed like Professor Oak comes by with a bulldozer and dumps all the immigrant Pokemon balls. Send them all to the Philippines. in a cargo ship with the batteries, sent them back to Africa. That would be a crazy cargo cult drop.

Just, you know. A bunch of Pokemon balls full of Somalians popping out of it. Yeah, that would be crazy. For decades, you've been singing and praying, hoping for another cargo drop and what shows up is this? What the fuck, man? We're the ones that, we're the ones that elected a racist tyrant, and we're not getting anything good. We're not getting no Grabby miscreants

We don't give a fuck We don't care I can't even do it I gotta read how that guy's saying it I don't need friends he said Yeah Let me try to find one of those A good one

Uh Yeah let me Come on Where's the one about grabby miscreants That's a good one It's filthy I can't I don't know find it on the fly It should be us

It should be The fuck was appointed Electing a Hitler If we're not getting any of that stuff Yeah what the fuck man What the fuck man Come on man Let's go

At least a little something At least a little something Give us some kind of a bounty Yeah Kill a couple people. That's cool, I guess, but it's worth something for everybody. That's kind of like only that those couple ice guys got to do that. Not something, there's nothing for me. Nothing for me, man.

Here's an advertisement. That was banned. Whoops, forgot to open everything. It's a pretty funny ad. You know, usually when you think bad happens on television, it's a white guy doing it. You know? At least that's how it's been. for my entire life, maybe 40 years ago,

there was like the last, at one point there was the last ad that aired where a black guy was doing something bad. Maybe true lies. There was a Middle Eastern guy who was doing bad stuff in that. That makes sense. That was probably the last one.

Here's an ad that ran in the UK. It's a pretty provocative ad. I don't know. you'll think here whoops whoa whoa whoa whoa this is some youngsters

on a bus and this girl is getting this girl on a bus is getting harassed and there's a I haven't seen the ad there's a black guy here

and a white guy sitting next or I assume the white guy tries to rape her or something and the black guy says hey knock it off let's see you don't want to talk to you my man See you enough for something. I said you look good and you don't want to go out with me. Hello?

Can you hear me? Seeing someone else uncomfortable makes you uncomfortable. You don't want to talk. It was a real. Whoa. It was real. life though they'd all just be Indian. True.

True. Oh, mama. They're running PSAs. Encouraging, that looks to be like it's encouraging the white kid to get involved in what's happening there. Is that the message?

That's what it looked like to me. Oh, hey, mate, I saw this on TV. Whammo Cablamo Two piece no biscuit Hey mate I'm from the TV I'm from the telly

Wham! Cacao! Boom A Sambo Bopo! Wow Who's behind this? I would like a behind the

music documentary of this ad Who's directing it? What did he say? What the actors say? Hey buddy, so you're going to be the guy. Now, this is going to be, as a black guy, this is going to be weird for you because this has never happened before. So I really, I want you to pretend to be white in this scene, right?

You're a white guy on a bus. You're going to harass this girl. What's the tagline? These goddamn, right? What could possibly be the tagline for this? Man. England's getting everything good. We're getting goddamn nothing.

Oh, here's what we're getting. You want to see this interpretive dance of the ice shooting? Looks pretty good. Let's check it out. I don't ever want to see interpretive dance of anything ever. Well, it's your unlucky day. This is... Dancers reenact the ice shooting of Renee Good and Alex Pretty through performance protest.

Watch as a group of professionals. I think I think we don't need an explanation of this. Let's see it So it's a bunch of dancers. That's that's Renee good in the back and there's a bunch of dancers Pretending to be like cars and stuff And there's wheels the dancers have little wheels now she's getting in her car How long is this a minute and a half? There's the ice guy They rehearsed this shit. There's 20 people clambering all over each other in the shape of an SUV.

And then there's like one that's dressed up like a dumpy lesbian. Now there's another dancer as the ice guy in front. Okay, she's... Now he's shooting her or she, I don't know, or the gay guy. Shooting... Now they're carrying... Now the car has trained. transformed into a bunch of people carrying her away, like that David Bowie movie.

That's like Alice in Wonderland rip off. Dude, this is awesome. Because they can't talk, so they can't, like, they can't ruin it by telling you not to enjoy it. True. You know? Okay, now it's the guy that wrestled and then got killed by, like, the six. cops. They're dancing. They're doing like a dance battle. This is like some shit Sam Hyde would make, but real.

But they're doing it for real. Yeah, that's the part that's crazy. Like, this is like springtime for Hitler. Like, let's make a really offensive comedy and it ends up being hilarious. And now they're killing that other guy. He's dying like he's got bonitis. It's supposed to each shot. Please do George Floyd. Get somebody to go rob a liquor store,

put a gun to a pregnant woman's stomach, and do a bunch of fentanyl, and then go, I spaz out for nine minutes. Please, please do this for everybody. This is great. Okay, now they're all... Now the people are just kind of doing, like, Tai Chi, like Chinese people in the park.

They're just people to me Yeah Bro, this should have been The halftime show It's a Super Bowl Oh, they're in heaven now The good and pretty are in heaven Now they're holding hands

And looking at the Washington Monument Wow That's great They have found a way To make it all about them They went all the way around, dude Like that's what I That's something exactly

what I wish I could do to make fun of it. Yeah. It's like a really elaborate, extremely gay, interpretive. Like, what's the most inappropriate art form for two people who were murdered by the government? Interpretive dance. The most obnoxious art form.

Interpretive dance is usually for, like, you know, like emotions, like regret, anger, stuff like that. Like, not specific. Like, not like, like Elizabeth Smart's kidnapping. That wouldn't be a good topic for interpretive dance, you know? Yeah. Harvey Weinstein raping a bunch of a bunch of women.

I was going to say John Veney Ramsey. Yeah, John Vene Ramsey getting raped. That's not really a good topic for interpretive dance, you idiots. That's, man. The thing that would have made it better is if they all got angel wings and flings and into heaven afterwards. Yeah! That's like the one thing that could have made it a tiny bit.

You practiced a whole bunch for that. Did you see all the serious expressions on their faith? Oh yeah, yeah. Talk about needing resume filler, Jesus Christ. Uh... Okay. Somalians are demanding reparations. You can get in line.

Man. Black people got to be pissed about these... Somalians they're doing their they're wrecking their bit yeah they're ruining their bit man oh it's like uh it's making reparations sound stupid yeah that's the this is that's the problem you guys got to get get your act together because i was on board before but now this we had committees and stuff talking about how much how much is reparations like you guys just got here yeah there's like a whole 400 years of history behind this one yeah yeah yeah Get your ass in line.

No, they're straight for it. Actually, get your ass back and start recycling fucking batteries. Yeah. Get your ass back to Somalia. All right, here we go. Not like a small business owners. Of small business owners. Not like one of those chewing things that hamsters get, you know?

A tremble. Our community deserves accountability. Our community deserve safety. We need also justice for those who lost their lives defending the community. So they want, let's see what they want here. It's free cash grants. Okay. It's under $200,000, though, in case you're worried.

How about no cash grants? How about you cash me outside? Whatever happened If fucking do not pass go Do not collect fucking 200 We need to bring that guy back Straight to jail Yeah Mr. Monopoly

Mr. Moneybags I think Yeah Mr. Moneybags Bring him back Bring an AI guy back To put him in charge Because a real person A real person will just end up working for Israel So we need a cartoon

That can't be corrupted Bring him and the moon man back Bring the moon man back Exactly Did Emily Usis make him? The Will Stancel show, girl? Oh, yeah. I don't know.

She had something to do with it. Well, Moon Man's been around since McDonald's. Well, you know. The new Moon Man, the all-new Moon Man. The new and improved Moon Man. Cool, man, or Moon Man, yeah. Stop all. Moon Man, the White. Stop all evictions and free rent.

Reparations for ice trauma. Government apology and account. Ability. Ice band. You know, well, at least when black people do this shit, they'd send out like a reverend or something. Right.

And he would really sing it. You need a good orator. You need a good orator. These Somalians, their best guy, can't even speak a single sentence without butchering it.

I don't want to hear no bananas and rice or shit. Get Farrakhan telling me how evil white people are. Yeah, get Farrakhan out there. White people in. Whoever else he wants to talk about. Dude, that just gave me a crate

Like a Pope Mobile But it's got the like all the cameras and projectors inside So you could drive around with like a 3D Farrakon in the back Holographic Farrakhan Yeah, on tour Oh, that would be cool That would be cool Maybe Snoop could do that

That would be cool Hologram Tupac with hologram Faracon You never know which one you're going to get You know I would show up for either or I would show up for either one Which one would you want to see I mean probably Holographic Farrakhan

Because I've already seen holographic Tupac That's true Yeah Respect to the classics Of course But you know Holographercon

Would be better That would be great Uh Colorado Face ID for window Oh I think Did Discord get hacked already And everyone's fit

They said like You have to put your face in Your ID in To prove your pedophile and not a minor. So they're letting in, they want to prove that you're, you got to either prove that you're,

that you know how to use Gary's mod as a kid or prove that you're a pedophile if you're going to use Discord. Insane. Uh. And of course everyone's fucking shit got leaked. Yeah, right away. I wish they would stop doing that.

We're getting IDs, people's IDs. Everyone always thinks, like we have the system that's not going to get hacked. It's like, no, every system is going to get hacked. Yeah. We're doing all that shit. What was your system? Well, we just uploaded on a server.

In plain text, yeah. Yeah. Is that not, is that okay? Just in a big spreadsheet. We talked to our guy. You know, we got the finest Indians that the money could buy. It said we got a good deal. Hmm.

Protect puppies from Sharia. act. Oh yeah, I guess New York's trying to make dogs illegal. Is that right? Let me make sure I got that right. This is just make New York illegal. Yeah, dogs illegal. Let me see. I saw Randy Fine crying about it, so

it's illegal. No, no, no. Ma'am, Donnie, dogs illegal. How come it's all this bullshit? Protecting puppies. Anti-Muslims. I don't see they're trying to make dogs illegal. Oh wait, I saw it buried on that one.

Ban dogs, okay. Yahoo, you're pretty good. It's not exactly clear if they're gonna ban dogs. Hmm. Dogs... God damn it. I didn't save the tweet. It's just a bunch of guys crying about it. Okay. Well... if anybody has it.

Oh, an indoor dog ban. Are these, is that for real? Women aren't going to like that one. Yeah, that's like most of New York. Yeah. Indoor dog band. Huh. I don't know.

I don't know. I didn't, I didn't find it enough. Fuck me. Syria asks, Germany not to deport its Syrians back home because it would make their country unsafe.

Hmm. Syrians. But they're Syrians. Exactly. I think that's the point. That's your fucking problem. So kill them. What do we care? You know? Shouldn't that be...

They should just take everyone who doesn't want to go back to their home countries? Yeah. And deliver them to that plastic patch out in the middle of This is their home... Oh, yeah. Garbage Land. Yeah.

The Pire. This is their home country saying, don't bring those people back here because it'll make it unsafe here. Oh, so it's not unsafe. Yeah. Well, we're just going to put...

We're just going to put them in this train car and put the train car here. We don't want it back. You can keep it. Do whatever you want with it. That sounds they should decommission old airplanes. Just fly them into the ocean. Yeah.

Here go. It's in your airspace. Take it. Hands off. Pile it off. Whatever they say. Pilot, you're playing. Take it over.

Jesus, take the controls. Let that Robert Rupert guy figured out from Restore Britain. Man, his post was Grabby Miscreants. He called the Islams that are doing rapes. He's not wrong. Gravy miscreants. Ooh.

Catchy, too. It's catchy. I've been saying it all day. Look at one of these gravy miscreants over here. Some kind of miscreying happening. We have gravy miscreants out here Gravy miscreants Because they're eating They're fat as shit

Dude on the way up today There was traffic on the hill Because of all these fat bitches Is trying to walk down it On this hill? On this hill? I thought it'd be the hill they'd die on But they keep walking up and down constantly

There's two fat chicks Let me get my voice down so they don't hear I don't want them thundering in here Eating all my baby's food consuming it all like the langleers there's these two fat chicks in our neighborhood

they've been walking up down the streets for 10 years and they're fatter than the day I moved in it's crazy what the hell's going on well they got to eat to restore all that strength they've invented about two or three different fat shots in that time

these bitches are just getting fatter it's a punk attitude man fight the system The fat the system Fat the system Yeah No man I'm fat on purpose

I don't want these Corporations in my They can't tell me not to be fat Yeah How about that? Don't give us Syrians back Because it'll be unsafe

I guess that's why I like the Restore Britain So much is because They collectively you have to repeat over and over that they don't care, which is really needed. People have this compulsive need to debate and win other people over,

and that probably more than anything else has been the downfall of civilization over the last 50, 60, 70 years. Well, let's talk this out. We'll bring our best debater and then you have a debate and let the public decide. It's just stupid.

Debates are the most retarded shit ever. Fucking retarded. It's like whistling. It's just for you. Nobody enjoys that shit. Nobody gets anything out of it. It's fucking stupid. It's just so you can feel good

about your perspective on things. You're going to do it anyway. You're going to steamroll them anyway. Debate is just there for you to convince yourself that you're right. See how right I am? Look at how right I am. You couldn't come up with a rejoinder for that?

Your side looks fucking. stupid. Just do it. Do it anyway. Every time that guy posts, I'm going to get his name right. Rupert. Rupert Lowe. Every single time. We do not care. We do not care. We do not care. Yeah, people really, more than anything, need to hear that. Yeah. So they get out of this rut of caring about everything and really anything. Who gives a fuck? Yes, but this will, you know,

this is people in Africa are going to die. We don't care. Don't give a fuck. Yeah, but this is very upsetting for the Holocaust. Don't give a fuck. We're done. Well, yeah, but, you know, but a bunch of minorities are going to, you know,

they're not going to have a great time. Don't care. This is what we're doing. And he has to say it every time. Every time. Don't care. Don't care. It's great.

It's great. It's working. Fatigue, man. You got to care about something. It might as well just be that. It's repeated over and over and over. You have to care about not caring. Yeah, exactly.

It takes all your, it really does take all, it takes a lot of work and discipline to resist the urge to, like, oh, yeah well you know if you it's like um i see i see liberals like quoting like jesus the conservatives and then i see conservatives like explaining the logic of racism back to these it's like two fucking retards yeah stuck in this yin yang symbol of let me explain to you what real racism is is oh let me explain to you what jesus christ thought it's like one of you guys just uh well one of you doing it. Both of you are fucking retarded. And both of you know it. But one of you stop.

That's the crazy part to say both know they're retarded, but have to argue until they think they're not retarded. Which is always. Yeah. I see that meme of that guy going, let me quote Christianity to you, even though I don't believe it, but you do. And that means something. I see that. And I don't really see

the opposite of that on the other side. Yeah. Like the here's my because, well, because liberals can't make things that short, right? It would be like, it would be another long explanation. Maybe they need that. I don't know.

It seems like the same thing. Oh, yeah? Well, the real... Actually, actually, it's reverse racism. Shut the fuck up. That's not reverse. It's not what they're saying. Yeah. Yeah, it's not like Uno. Oh, yeah? How about that? Racism reverse.

Racism reverse. Just do it. Get rid of them. Get rid of the Gravy miscreants already. Sick of it. Sick of them.

Sick of caring about it. Sick of talking about it. Open AI had access to all the trans shooters fantasies. That's cool. It's funny watching them,

I guess that wacko trans shooters typing in all these fantasies. Like, what have I shot up a little kid's school? So Open AI because it was a,

you know, trans. They're like, oh, we don't know what to do with this information. Oh, Oh, oh, oh.

Whoops. Okay. Let's read some comments. And we got to do... We got to get that guy's advice. Oh, yeah, the guy who wrote the email in. Did you read it? Man, I haven't read it.

I never read them before. I skimmed through it, man. Oh. How is it? I can't wait to dive in, man. 498. God We got two

I gotta do something We gotta do something man We gotta do something for 500 We should smash 500 toys From the toy chest We should burn them all the fucking toys People would pay man Man

Man I had the greatest sleep of my life In like the last seven months last I thought it would be fucked Because he's my sons of fucking nightmare. He's up all night, right? Even your son doesn't like women, man. Yeah. And it's, I have to wear, I have to wear earplugs all the time because everything's 10 decibels higher.

It means, you know, it's the most painful thing I've ever felt in my life. So I forget stuff. Like, I didn't know, like, his white noise machine was supposed to be on, so it's not on, because I have, I can't hear it anyway. Right. Because I get, you know, so I can't hear the fucking white noise machine anyway. so it's off I was just like boom oh you're sleeping

put him down he goes ah out I'm like what the fuck dude all right I'm gonna go to bed

I gotta take bed seriously because I'm gonna have to wake up all night you know I wake up at midnight I'm like oh fuck he's gonna be up any minute

I wake up again at 4.30 I'm like oh my god is he dead what the fuck what the fuck is this dude he understands the concept of mom's not home

now we get to have fun Hell yeah. Now we can sleep good. Fuck you. Yeah, I don't have mom coming in fucking me. Every two hours. My wife's like, how's he doing? I'm like, stay longer.

Come back. Come back. Yeah, you try. The gentleman sausage says, I looked it up. The Book of Mormon musical Broadway has undergone our plot changes to address criticisms of caricatures, including replacing a

typewriter with an iPad, updating song lyrics to reference Facebook and refining scenes to lessen the focus on Africans in favor of villagers. Oh yeah. That's part of what my brain noticed too. I'm like, man, this is like less racist. And then it makes, if

the racism in one part is bad, it makes the other racism like feel bad. Yeah. Like the book, it goes very hard on Mormons and the Mormon's response to the book of Mormon was to take out an ad on the back of the playbill that said you've seen the movie.

now read the book, Book of Mormon. I'm like, that's fucking... They just totally undermine the whole... Like, they obviously have a sense of humor. Yeah. What a great... What a fucking great ad. No way Mormons came up with this ad.

Some Jews, about three streets over there came up with this ad. Perfect. But then... Guess who? We got a big problem with this. All right. Well, you fucked up the manatee tank, man.

You fucking... ruined the manate... Now it's just like not the same. Now it's racist. These updates aim to reduce problematic depictions, but they don't care. See, I get stuck in that loop too. They don't care. They know it's racist. It's just about exerting racist power. Right. Power. Yeah. Um, why is literally everything so fucking paused? I just want... World War II is why. I just want one thing to

exist that doesn't have full-blown gay aides. We're going to hit a critical mass of not caring. And at that point, we're going to see some serious shit. You know that they used to say, before Hitler, they used to call everybody Napoleon. That's funny. Do you know that? Like, look at this guy. Is a real Napoleon?

Now he's an ice cream. Gay. Flame. Now he's an ice cream. Mm-hmm. so 40 years we're going to be having Hitler on a cone you know what I mean

with our like on the popsicle stick with we're going to be having little Hitler ice creams that's exactly what I mean hey if he's got a little gumball mustache too that would be kind of sick can I get an unfrozen in time on my tour can I get a teenage union turtle's ice cream no we have this Hitler ice cream though what with the eyeballs

and the little mustache and it's like a little It's always fucked deaf every time Yeah, and you can see like the from his shoulders up with like his gray shirt Man, Miller pops Yeah, It'd be good too That'd be fucking Fucking great man, vanilla only

Right Um, yeah, they used to say, Whoa, look at these fucking guys, you guys don't want another Napoleon, do you? He's the worst And now it's hit everything's Hitler So it'll be something else You think Napoleon's pissed about getting his throne? Getting one up. I don't know, but imagine how Piss Taylor's going to be.

When he's with some other three-panel ice cream? Some fucking broccoli-headed asshole is the new Hitler then? Everybody starts, like you can't say his name. Some guy with broccoli hair. That would actually, and he drives a Hellcat too. Yeah. Just for fun. Some like albino black guy or something going around.

God damn it. That'd be cool. I know. You know what else I found out this week? There's a girl ninja turtle. What? They added a fucking girl. What the fuck?

That's what I said. Named like Jennifer or something. Not even sticking with the team. You know, one of the great artists in history. Maybe it's the girl that that song's made after. Jennifer Hudson, yeah. I was like now it just seems like shitty. I don't want to live in the sewer

with some some bitch. Some bitch? Some fucking turtle bitch nagging me. You green bitch? How is this supposed to appeal to kids? What kind of kids? What kind of little boys are sitting around going, man, if only there was some nagging bitch around here to like make sure no one can fart or nah? You know?

Yeah, we're. eating pizza, fucking being messy, playing with weapons, building machines, throwing tantrums, being a fucking asshole. Right? You know what we need, guys? Some nagging bitch down here to clean up, to complain about it, and, like,

play with weapons, too. So you always have to, somebody always have to get paired up, because there's five of us now, somebody always has to get paired up or not play with weapons, and you can't hit her too hard. It's like, what is this? Who made this? Policing all the farts in the sewer?

What a bitch. Seriously, what a bitch. And you know she could smell it too, even though it's a sewer. It's the fucking sewer, man. Did someone fart in here? Like, how did you fucking know that? And she has some stupid Wolverine claw weapon. Like, I'm going to the techno drone.

Fuck this shit. I'm going to the video drone. Fuck this. I'm going to. I'm just going up on the surface. Fuck this. I'm going to get a job. Yeah, at that point.

Yeah. Well, if you're already in the office In the sewer, you might as well be in the office Where there's fucking fresh air Yeah, I'm gonna go get a job and just get in my own apartment Fuck this You know all this hang around this fucking bitch Eating pizza is not cool anymore

No, it's not Because it's turned into a whole thing Yeah It turns into a whole thing Who's ordering the pizza What's gonna be on the pizza Nothing that I remember about being a Ninja Turtle Would be enhanced by having

A fuck another turtle woman She's going to pick a pizza that nobody wants And eat all the good ones Vegetarian pizza or some shit Get out of here with that shit I saw one of the magic cards And there was five ninja turtles on it I said who the fuck is that

Four You got the wrong number of turtles There's four You got five turtles on there You idiot He said no that's correct Heroes and a half shell And some bitch on the side

And some Bitch also Heroes in a half shell And some bitch Yeah, that's And some other bitch Not even They're the world's most fearsome

Fighting team Pick up your shoes And they're like, oh man Oh damn it They're heroes in a half shell And they're green I put it on the calendar God

When the evil shrug better attacks. I'll be there in a minute. Teenage mutant nagger turtles. Turtle people don't cut them no slack. That's better. Teenage mutant nagging turtles. God, I fucking hate that whole IP now.

Yeah, me too. I never liked it as a kid. It was just kind of always aware of it. I fucking loved it. Dude, my exposure to Ninja Turtles was my cousin loved it. And then at the arcade, there was this like golf ball machine. Well, the, obviously the arcade game, the beat them up, yeah.

Yeah, great one. Greatest game ever made. But there was this one that was like a Pachico machine, and you would put golf balls in it, it would blast out pizza-scented air at you, and you just kind of put golf balls in it and get tickets. Yeah. And it was Ninja Turtles?

Yeah. And it would spit pizza in your face? Pizza air? Yeah, it would burp a pizza. It would burp a pizza. It would fart pizza air, yeah. That's a peculiar. I could see why you wouldn't be so into turtles after experiencing something like that.

I played that game one time as a kid and, like, blocked it out of my mind until just now because it's like what the fuck kind of like golf balls and ninja like that's like that kid that was pissing and I caught him I'm worried that that is a core memory for him it sure is dude

impacting generations man if only I was standing up like a normal man um Brandon says I I fucking hate being Canadian um oh my mentally ill

uh people as far as the eye can see Woman alert Frozen to death Man to blame Climb Oh

Woman alert Climmer charged with leaving girlfriend freeze to death Blames her for telling him to go Yeah That's a good try She said I had to go save myself Mm-hmm

Why did she write Sir why did she write No I didn't In the snow before she died. Why would she write that? I don't know. She wrote that?

Fucking bitch. Yeah, fucking fifth turtle, man. Fucking bitch. God damn it! She wrote, no, I didn't, because... Let's see. Whoa. Climber charged with leaving girlfriend.

Yeah. Thomas Plamburger is standing trial for manslaughter. after leaving girlfriend to die of hypothermia at just 150 feet below the summit of Gross Glocker Mountain. He claims he only left after she shouted at him to go and get help. Huh. She couldn't walk? He spent more than an hour and a half trying to care for his girlfriend when she was too exhausted to continue in brutal conditions with temperatures dropping to minus 17.

Oh. Oh, so he's getting He's getting blamed for not dying with her Hmm Well, why didn't he drag her down? Can't just roll her down the mountain You know? Here you go, bitch!

Wah! So he thought he was having the best day of his life, right? Until... She came back from the grave to get him. Came back from the grave. From beyond the grave, she got him. She haunted his ass. Prosecutors accuse him of making a fatal mistake

when he became exhausted, hypothermic, and disoriented and failing to raise the alarm and time to save her. He was like, to the search cruise, he's like, she's over there. Way, way over there. Go over there.

Oh, he's getting blamed because he was very experienced. Okay, well. Well, don't let your girlfriend do your hobbies with you. That's the lesson. She says, I want to go mountain climbing too. say no

fuck you because this guy got thrown in prison again this is what happens when your people does not have natural predators do shit like climb mountains go skydiving

have you ever been skydiving fuck no no I haven't either I got just enough rationality to be like I don't want to go with some guy on my back that's weird too

gay they make you do a couple of those flying on a big Dorito gay yeah uh all right uh goku says

uh this is why women will just dive bomb into the toilet they literally will look anywhere else but forward okay let's see this what do you got here goku this is a heat map of uh shows how women look straight ahead okay this is where where men and women look

while they're walking around. So it's a heat map of where their eyes are looking when they're walking home at night. I don't know how they did this. Probably like a simulator or something that tracks eye movement. So they got, you're walking down

a stairs or a road and this is the men's side. This is what the men are looking at and this is what the women are looking at. And you can see the men are looking directly ahead and then it's all red

right in front of them and then their eyes are kind of darting out left and right every once in a while to see what's going on in the left and right and then what the women are looking at when they're walking in a straight line is everywhere else

so if there's some dog shit or a pole or a car in front of them they're not looking at it. Isn't that interesting? They're literally just not watching where they're fucking going. Walking around like Maddox

with his meat-seeking missile pointing at assholes, men's assholes. Look at this shit. I mean, this is, it's nothing. They're not looking at all where they're going. This is the men's going up the stairs, looking at the stairs. This is the women's.

They're not even fucking close. It's a sea of red That explains why Anytime you're driving with a woman You get a gasp Anytime there's a cow Because that's the first time They're looking all around like this

Everything's brand fucking new This explains a lot actually This is good This is good information Yeah I'm gonna get my front windows Tinned it even darker I'm just gonna go up to women And flip them off right in their face

Not like this Yeah You know Right in their fucking face I love how these studies always say This is the difference between what men and women are Doing not like this explains why What how women are fucking this up

See how you're walking in a straight line and they're looking up in the sky and all around at a bunch of random crap See how the men are looking right down the middle They gotta walk like it's an isometric game and like zigzags You think they could fix this if you told them Hey, look where you're going How long has Human kind existed? That's baked In man

We can't exist long enough Probably to correct that one I don't know, you could shout at them pretty good Hey, right? Yeah Look at what you're going Look! Watch where you're going! But that's like

You can tell them to be quiet too That doesn't work That's what it happens That's why they're always fucking ramming their phone into stuff Oops, ooh! Huh Interesting, interesting link.

Thanks, Goku. Hey Dick, did you see these kids? Okay. Do I want to put this up? I think you've had enough. Seen enough of kids. Oh. New investigation is going underway after California high school seniors

posed for a photo spelling out F-star G-G-O-T-S. Huh. I wonder what they were spelling. the class seniors were posing for a class photo spelling class of 2026 always legit

students rearrange themselves to spell a slur which the principal called unacceptable oh fuck you school officials say every student in the photo has been punished they had to have they had to be raped

by a gay man an investigation is underway at the high school in Vesalia give me a break Redwood High School in Vesalia look they bleeped out the slur

yeah now they're trying to make us all think it so they spelled it with a G and a 6 so it's not the word you can't say that that's the same word yeah at 2 F-A-G-6

O-T-S you can't even pronounce that It looks like there's at least eight of them sitting there. You know what the problem is? They didn't replace the A with a four. Because this is still a slur. Right. Because it says F-A-T-6.

This is a kid's mistake. This is a rookie mistake. You got to replace the... Because you left... You did replace one slur, but you left another slur. That's... I'm afraid that's a chunky.

That's a problem. them. That's a clam. That's a clam. I'm afraid, kids. That's a clam. You should have asked me before you were doing this. I would have said, you got to make that A of four. Man, these kids didn't grow with Counterstrike and it shows, man. Yeah. How do they fuck this up? Because the girl is the A. They probably told her to get a four and she fucked it up.

What? I thought we were spelling Fsler. Well, yeah, but not really. We're going to get in trouble for this. Yeah, we actually spelled two of them. It's like you have the N-word and, well, we put Z at the end. Yeah, there's still an R though. How old could a person be taking this seriously? You got a, you got a journalist pretending to be taking it seriously and a fucking

principal pretending to take it seriously? I'm gonna have a lot of questions for the first day of school. You know what? It probably offended the principal so bad because he is one. That's why he's mad. Question They caught the principal And his husband

Walking around And what did your husband Think about this Principal? I'm not Married to a man Are you sure? Because you're pretty upset

By this And there's no other reason Why you would be Mm-hmm What? How dare you? Your roommate of the past 30 years

Always keeps coming around Hang out You're gayer than Bert and Ernie Is that true? Some people have suggested That you're as gay As Bert and Ernie

Are you more gay or less gay? I'm from the Fsler Tribune. He's mad because that was his license plate, his vanity plate. They ruined it. Man, they got some girls involved in it. Good for you, kids. Why is their discord logs?

Okay, what are they saying? Now I'm, now I'm interested. ...wrenching out the phrase, a group of 10 students who attend Redwood High School seated together, spelling out the derogatory word. Redwood seniors were posing for a class-wide photo that day, spelling out the

phrase class of 2026, always legit. Oh, and they realized that they had enough letters for a slur. Give me a fucking break. That's the oldest one in the book, man. Go fuck yourselves.

Classic rearrange the marquee. Yeah, they, oh wow, look at this. We got... With less effort, even. It's just like sit differently. You didn't have to climb upon a ladder and switch out the letters. No, not premeditated at all. They were forced to wear these letters

And now they're getting punished Simply for sitting down Freedom of speech, man Some point The students in the later photo Rearranged themselves to spell out The disturbing slur Something they're

Disturbing Fucking. Fucking kill yourself Can you believe someone would think of such a word? I would like you to find one gay man that's upset by this it's funny like across the board

it's funny not Don Lemon right principal later called unacceptable yes we can have a conversation

uh yep look at this is the fucking fat bitch who's offended what is she 30 they just wrote two fatties or if they just wrote like fart if they still would have gotten the same response I imagine that's what they should have wrote

too fat too fat to eat what the fuck is this transform what does this bitch have behind her what the hell are they teaching at this school she's trying to alchemize uh gold coins and a chocolate i've done it eureka i've turned gold into chocolate pig merlin about i can't put this up so you can't see how fat she is you know what kinds of consequences should these kids face but the real issue is the environment that allowed that to happen in the first place.

A high school. Yeah, it's called high school. Called guys sticking things in their butts. And making a fucking gay voice. If it wasn't such an affront to God in natural order, then why are you so offended? I wonder what environment made these kids joke about guys sticking things in their butts going, Oh, hey, did you see that new musical? Ooh, I love brunch.

What would cause these sexual dynamos? What would cause these confused kids full of hormones to make fun of something like that or to point it out? Hmm. It's called being sick of it. What would cause these kids to point out people talking like cartoon characters and putting their penises and butts where the poop comes out. We really got to get to the bottom of this. Oops, I did it again. Well, it's just, it's so,

it's so low effort, too. Like, it's like low on the food chain of all things they could have done with that. It's like, hey, that's quick, that's easy, like. Yeah, let's do it. Cool. These two girls got in at the top. I don't even know what they have on their shirts.

Why did it say two F-slars? That's what this kid doing. That's what I'm saying. It's fucking funny. Fuck it, I gotta put it up. There, you've seen enough. What is this kid two? Well, and it's plural, at least, because there's an S at the end.

That's what I'm saying. Two F slurs! Yeah. That's why it's so offensive because it's double the F slurs. Who are they talking about? That's what I'm saying. They caught the principal in his husband or some shit, because why else with the... Principles are fat bitch, though.

Hmm. Maybe it's two Flers in a suit. Oh, that was? Yeah, that was from a LGBTQ center. Ah. Didn't even care. It's always like some kind of thing about the environment. Like we got to, we don't care about this one.

But it's all about how can we go after Joe Rogan and Trump? Well, dude, when I was in high school, one of the kids on the morning announcement said, like, on the last day, they're like, they somehow have, like, worked in the word fuck to something. Nice. They immediately pulled the broadcast and then sent out a school-wide thing. Oh, God. The six individuals involved with this are suspended and won't be graduating. And it was like, this is fucking retarded. Like, are you kidding me?

like it's a tale of old it's how you always want to slip a bad word in wherever you can. That's just part of human nature. It's funny. Yeah, I'd love to be an individual. Those are the best times. Being an individual.

I'm my most individual when someone cuts me off in traffic. Ah, to be an individual again. The ADL is hunting you down. Okay. What is this guy saying? Measure and track. Jonathan Greenblart.

Number two, we monitor and disrupt. We have a whole apparatus. I have 40 analysts working full-time, seven days a week, 24 hours a day, monitoring extremists. We monitor them online, social media, messaging apps, video games, cryptocurrency,

podcasts, short-form video, Wikipedia, LLMs. We monitor these people, and we share the intelligence with the FBI. You saw last month, you heard about the thing that happened at Wilshire Boulevard Temple. Our analysts investigated what happened.

They said they were Korea Town for Palestine. This group people, they weren't. We were able to ascertain they were from a group called the Turtle Island Liberation Front. Oh, okay. We got a whole team. I bet they're billing 24 hours.

That's what that's... For 40 people, yeah. 40. I think you're gonna need... We got a lot more racist than that. You're gonna need more guys. Yeah. 40?

Okay. Mm-mm-mm-mm. Okay. Slane Oracle. This is an advice question. Hey, Dick and Johnny. I'm fucked up over a bitch. He says,

I know my situation isn't special. I know what I'm supposed to. to do. What could that mean? Tat, rat, tat, tat, tat. I know there isn't one magic answer for everyone. I'm just sick of making everything

worse every time I touch it. Whoa. You should get that checked out. Stop touching. Quit picking. We were friends for almost ten years. Middle school through college

before we started dating. then we were together three years man oh man uh what are you counting counting years don't do that count crows man count of

anything else and it was great the happiest I've ever been with someone I'm gonna gush for a second ew gay but when I said love of my life I meant it still do what are we missing

how old is this guy how big are the canes what the hell is going on does anyone give a shit about the rules no one does man

selfish selfish behavior selfish we don't know if she was the love of your life because we don't know how big her tits were do we we broke up about a year ago. I'd been on

SSRIs and Adderall for about a year before that. That sounds like a wonderful guy to be around. Hey honey, have you taking your Adderall and SSRIs today so your behavior is atrocious and you don't care? Yeah, it was like of all bad

combos that be a part of. Doc, my behavior is pretty good and I usually care when I fuck up. Do you have anything that, do you have anything that could get rid of that? I don't have one thing, but I have two things. I've got some Adderall for your behavior. So you could be a fucking cracked out nightmare all the time on Adderall.

And in case you start giving a fuck about the impact of your behavior and everyone else, I've got some SSRIs. Oh, that's cool. How do they work? We don't know. No idea. That's why you've got to take them. That's why you have to take them. And if something goes wrong, don't worry, everybody's on them.

If something goes wrong, should I come back and talk to you? No, because this is the extent of everything that I know about them. just go, you know, build your own mythology out of what's being told to you in commercials and other people you know. Am I getting the right one? The right SSRI? If you want to swap, just come in, I'll give you another one.

No big deal. That won't fuck you up harder. Yeah. Huh. Because I like, I don't, like, I don't do tequila because I notice tequila makes me a little more nuts than, like, whiskey. Is there any risk of that with these drugs?

Maybe. It's up to you to figure out. Well, everyone's body chemistry is different, you see. Because of your chemistry. Chemistry. We broke up about a year ago. I'd been on SSRIs in Adderall for about a year. I don't know if that contributed.

Yeah, being on Mentath is a very bad thing. I'm off them now, and blaming them feels like the easy out anyway. Well, you started taking them, so it's still your fault. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's definitely fucking you up, but also you... This goddamn liquor really... You invited that vampire in. We talked for years about being Polly.

That's your first... First fuck up, no cans. What are you doing? What are you doing? Why? That's the road to the end right there. Being Polly, doing weird, doing wild shit. Man, don't beat.

any kind of thing. Don't be anything. You gotta be conservative is what you need to be now. This leftism shit really got to you. Yeah, as soon as you get a label like that, it's out of your hands. People are going to start defining it for you. So whatever it is, no. I'm not.

Are you a... No. I'm not. Well, do you believe this, this, and this? Yes. That makes you with this. No. I'm not that. And I don't care. And I don't give fuck get away from me doing wild shit mostly together but it was just mutually understood that wouldn't couldn't compete with what we had so one day I'm like hey let's actually try it and then it's lie after lie after lie suddenly she's cheating suddenly whoops how did this

dick get up my ass that's what it was leading up to man you fell for the old Yet another oldest scam in the book, man. Yeah. I don't let your girlfriend fuck other guys? What are you retarded? Well, yeah, but see, I was trying to know. In the words of a deadbeat rapper, man. Girls just want to have fun with someone

and find a man to support their kids. So what happened here? Well, uh, my girlfriend was fucking other guys. Oh. Get rid of her. Yeah. I told her to.

She might have been the love of your life, but it was not reciprocated, man. Are you fucking retarded? Don't do anything that leads to that. Nothing. Nothing. Suddenly she's cheating, crying about how I'm ruining her new relationship. Are you people doing this?

Of course it's cheating. What the fuck are you talking about? Ruining her new relate like dog. She was long being on her. Yeah, she's gone by feeling betrayed, putting that person ahead of me. You know what's the greatest thing about Polly shit? It's always nobody ever fucking wants to hear any of it. It's all like, to the person telling it, it's like,

you're never going to believe what happened. And everybody listening is like, that's obviously what's going to happen. This only ever happens. Just like people who are like, no, but communism's going to be good this time. Yeah, listen about, like, no, no need. Putting that person ahead of me, maybe I did the same. Maybe that's what she saw. I don't know.

Our communication was already strained. My meds had me weird. And she never wanted to talk I mean she never wanted to actually talk About emotional shit Definitely don't do that What the fuck is that for? What has that ever done for anybody?

Man This guy is scaring the house away You gotta lock that up Throw it away Start drinking And then turn your phone off None of it's real There is no such thing as emotional shit

It doesn't get any better talking about it Nobody's going to say something magical. It'll make it'll go away. It's just there forever. Fucking deal with it. Stop fucking crying about it. Stop telling people you're crying about it. Unless that's your whole, unless that's the life you want to have,

you want to go have hour long phone calls, wasting your time talking about your fucking emotions. Be my guess. Plenty of people do that. Nobody I want to talk to you. It's a good way to waste time. It's actually a terrible way to waste time. You don't play candy crush all day.

Jesus. Do do do do do do go play Candy Crush all day Look at my emotions are this And this is why I feel this and I want to get over my emotions here And this emotion is fucking guy needs to go play Firewatch Yeah go play Firewatch Have a good cry with the Indian CEO I mean it's a fun game but once

It's a single movie It's just a fucking it's an interactive movie Press X all right Whoa this happened whoa press X Holy shit I watched some fire Whoa I'm watching the fire God damn, look at that fire. That's a pretty crazy fire.

Watch that fire. Whoa. It ends with you in hell. I'm looking at a 360 view. There's all these fires. Nothing but fire. And then the fire cheats on you. Mrs. Doubtfire.

That's the boss. Mrs. Dow fire. She's like, no, that's not a real fire. I don't see any fire. I don't see any fire here. I don't see any fire here. If there was Mrs. Doubtfire watch where you have to go through

and you're both sides of the walkie-talkie, Holy shit. That's a twist. I would play the shit out of that game. There's no way that CEO is going to make a game like Mrs. Doubtfire Watch. If you could steal the emblem off a car in that, I for sure would buy it twice. Our communication was already strained. Yeah, good.

It's supposed to be strained. Communication sucks. It's fucking a big waste of everyone's time. People are trying to med themselves out of like normal. Yeah. Out of being normal. Mm-hmm. I feel

it's hard for me to communicate with my girlfriend Should I get on meds for that? No Normal Yeah that's reality dog I want to fuck other girls Should she fuck other guys? No

Well It's probably gonna end bad for you dog It's probably gonna end badly for you For you Um I did that shit to myself I think And I imagine anyone else would agree

it ended with her stonewalling me acting like a baby I'm sure I was just as bad I was trying to be supportive while also putting my needs first because what else do you do? You just put your needs first you don't try to do anything else

you don't do a shitty job of something else and then lie about it you just do your needs first life's give and take right no it's take you got sold on that lie you got sold on this

this guy keeps getting sold on lies this guy's gonna go trans I think he's on SSR lies man get this boomer shit out of your head like all this fucking Beatles easy rider shit that somebody lodged in there yeah this is like boomer brain rot shit

that's a lot of platitudes for someone who is someone who's dressed out of college yeah don't ever say another platitude ever life's give and take, right? No. Have you experienced life? It's just getting raped.

Life's about getting raped. Not give and take. It's life's about getting raped. Yeah. So. It's not that you're giving shit. It's that it's getting taken from you. Yeah.

It's right. Maybe it could have been salvageable if I hadn't kept crashing out over text every few weeks. No, that's cool. That's definitely, that's always a good thing to do. That's cool. That's fine. Mm-hmm. apologizing saying goodbye

no that's cool too yeah I gotta have some kind of control over this situation double texting doing everything wrong short of the nice guy rage arc if there's no hope fine wipe my hands goodbye but over text nobody sounds good over text

um that clarity of nobody sounds good over text is what you should think about before you send off some fucking retard text I assume everything I say reads is hostile, even if it's not. Is it not hostile? How do you know if it's not hostile? I mean, you're trying to manipulate other people.

Why is that not hostile? Yeah. And I read everything coming in as like, not hostile, but just emotionless. Probably was. Women lie all the time. I'm sure it doesn't help that I only had the words, not the delivery. This is autistic as fuck. No, it's not.

It's just like... It's retarded. Emotionally immature. Actually, no, it's really cool. This guy is cool. I've deleted all of our chats, which was a huge mistake probably, but you can imagine how holding on to that would cause me more problems. LMAO.

Not really. You need actual problems. Go outside and shoot your foot off with a shotgun and then see how much of this still matters. What you've got to do is go outside, take a shit standing up, and then piss into your hand and wash your ass out with your piss, and then report back. At the end of the day, I'm just mad at how I handled it. I wish I could take it back. I wish we could move forward. Bro, just get,

see, fucking bitch doesn't matter. Bro, and it's like he's young enough too, where it's like, you're talking about like college type shit? Like, man, you should not be this pressed about bitches. Yeah, they do get fatter. I mean, you should just know. True. You should just not be pressed about bitches regardless, but it's like, man. I stopped contacting her last year. Last year after I made one stupid last move called hoping it would go to voicemail so I could, I don't

know, be reassured so you could hear her voice again. Embarrassing, as all that was, she didn't see all of it. It didn't go to voicemail. I hung up after a ring. After that, she blocked my number, probably for the best. All right, well, you fucked up here, dude. I want to move on. I want to let go.

What she did was wrong. I fucked up the aftermath. What she did was wrong? Huh. I mean, that kind of implies that women ever do anything right. so it's weird yeah what she did was wrong

like uh I don't know man you're the one still obsessed about us it's your maze you drew the confines of the of the engagement so what did you expect I fucked up the aftermath part of me thinks those aren't equal you're like arguing with the fucking television man

just like it's they're not real feelings women then none of it's real it's like he's more hurt that he fucked up I think yeah you just want control of something

that you fuck that you fuck that you fuck that up yeah that stings that sucks well you need because if you need control of something get one of the get like a segue or something yeah get a segue get like a pocket bike get some sort of get one of those hoverboards of the two wheels that you just lean forward Do some...

Homestic. Yeah. Part of me thinks those aren't equal. Another part of me says, I'm a man. Life's unfair. Suck it up. Stop saying this shit. Stop saying these platitudes, you fuck?

If you think words got power, why would you tell yourself to suck it up? Be better than your emotions. I try to live by my ethics. Am I saying that word right? I'm open-minded. I'm forgiving. Oh.

Well, then he's fucking not, though, because he can't let this go. I'm open-minded. What? About what? You're loving your life, getting plowed by some new guy? I'm really open. Losing your mind about it?

I forgive you. I like what's happening here. Whether you like it or not, doesn't fucking matter. It's deranged. I'm forgiving. Why? Forgive yourself for fucking up and move on then, dog. Like, what are you doing?

Clearly, I'm not rigid. If I was out here saying, yeah, Let's double team sissies Okay This is fake Gotta be And chicks with big tities Okay

That was a bad ass Double team sissies Okay guys Man Come on And you didn't think this Introducing any of this shit Was gonna be a huge problem

What the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck is This is way too long Um I know there's no Perfect string of words That fixes this I just wish I could reach out and actually be heard it.

No, but then you don't know that there's not a perfect string of words that'll fix it because you keep trying anyway. You're just telling yourself. You're just saying, he's trying to convince us that he's not a fucking retard. And I'm not buying it. I'm decent at sales. I've got a long way to go. Writing wise, I'm hitting veto timelines.

You're not a writer. You're not a writer as evidenced by the seaman. Yeah, this is horribly written. Don't be a writer. I have stories I'm outlining. Save the Cat Helped. Listening to you and Ethan talk about story structure is endlessly interesting, but I'm not actually writing. Fuck it.

Outlining is writing. No, it isn't. I just rack discipline. I used to write music. It seeped into every part of my life, and time is fleeting. I'm letting it all slip past me, and someday it will be too late for anything. I think the part of the root of the problem is I don't feel worthy of speaking to her. Bro!

You got to get your fucking money up, dog. you gotta stop this i don't feel worthy of much of anything oh yeah because i can't fuck her so i don't i don't feel worthy of anything bro you got to grow up does israel ask itself these questions no they just take it yeah does israel ever say i don't feel worthy much of anything no absolutely not when i'd reach out i'd panic and apologize just for contact bro you're like a fucking you're a menace you're a menace you're a lot of work you're a real You're a real piece of work, man. You're a lot of work.

You're exhausting. Like, my existence was an intrusion. It is. It is. Yeah, it is. What's wrong with me? That, you're really emotionally, like, needy and crippled. What's wrong with me?

What do? Am I smoking too much weed? You shouldn't be doing anything. Put the fucking weed down. You, as someone... You have someone... Who smokes daily, heavily? You need to put that shit down, man.

I keep looking for... internal and external problems. But I think I just need to let it go. I don't want to. You have to, dog. Just find a new girl. Stop. Don't work on yourself.

Just find a new one. That too. Yeah. Just go get a new one. And be a fucking spazzo with the new one too. Sometimes you got to remember in life, right? All you do in life is make money so you can get bitches. But you can bypass that.

Skip to making money and doing all that cool shit. Just go get bitches. Look, just take all your problems. don't worry about fixing them just find somebody new and dump your problems on them you left a great caveat out there which is don't try and fix your problems

because you're not fixable that guy's fucked find a new one it's had nothing to do with her you just have you just have a lot of relationship hold on you just have a lot of attachment issues

so the best way to alleviate those is to find somebody new who doesn't know about them yet And then dump them on them. That's it. You've got to listen to Juicy Jay's Blue Dream and Lean and remember that he even said, left my old bitch, got myself a new one.

Get a new one. Just go get a new one, dog. You're never going to fix all your problems. You just got to keep trying. You've got to keep trying with new women until you can hide them better. Or until you can find one that you don't really like all that much. You know, you can take it or leave it.

So get a fatter one than the one you had. The one you had was too much. for you drove you insane get a get a dumpier one don't get a crazier one get a dumpier one get one that has a couple

good recipes yeah yeah yeah recipes get a jolly one stop smoking weed stop smoking fucking weed all right everybody that's the show see next Tuesday

go get the bonus episode go get the bonus episode Patreon dot com slash the dick show uh anything else to fuck I'll shut you for 500. Besides smash all the toys.

After reading his comment, I'm like, yeah, I completely understand. Oh, I didn't read that. If America attacks Iran, Iran will wipe out Israel. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Two for one deal. I don't think they've ever said that before. for America attacks us.

We're going to wipe out Israel. Oh, that's a new one. Okay. So you guys know that we're doing it for them now, right? Hey, Dick. You know what pisses me off? People who drive quickly through a parking lot with their removed exhausts,

so I have to set off car alarms. As you can tell by a tone of my voice, I'm about two to three years old. Don't worry about it. Two to three years old. I'm very impressed by these guys. We just love making loud noises in part of the last. Truly, my dick is hard.

Dick, go fuck yourself. Johnny, I love you. Well, thank you. Hey, Dick, hey, Johnny. I am the Uncle Ruckets of autistic people. Pretty self-explanatory, right? Okay, so I have used my powers of noticing, and I've noticed something new

that I haven't heard anyone talk about before. Something that autistic people do in conversation that is pretty much a dead giveaway is saying the same thing twice within one sentence usually with two different words that mean the same thing. Examples include, however, that's not a big deal though,

or you don't see that anymore these days. or I always forget the third one I think that's just how people talk it's happening currently at the moment something like that at this time just the classic

saying a preposition twice like someone with whom I'm friends with you know something like that that's just being black I don't know I've noticed it a couple times recently and it's like everyone who's done it has been autistic you know like Maddox has his infamous

oh yeah he does I honestly don't think that's an autism thing. I think he's just a fucking idiot. But I'm serious. If you ever hear, you know, something like that and more these days at the moment, if you ever hear that, that's a fucking autistic person. Love you. You think so?

Thank you, the noticer. It's a poor word economy thing. Yeah. Yeah, not wanting to stop talking kind of thing. What up, Johnny? I got a rage. Man, it's, it's been snowing like a motherfucker here on the East Coast. We got a couple warm days where it rains.

All the snow's gone. We're getting it right back tomorrow, basically. But what do I see? It's 51 degrees out right now, okay? Snow's melting. I see an old guy outside shoveling ice off of a sidewalk that doesn't even connect to his house. Why, homie, why are you shoveling ice? Why are you shoveling ice right?

now at 72 years old why are you doing that? What the fuck is with old people? If he went to the hospital and I knew what he was doing I would want to send him home because I go you did that to yourself like what the fuck? That's a good one.

That shit pisses me off too. Like dog, you're asking for it. You're fucking asking for it. Again, the result of not having natural predators. It's like it's not even connected to your house. You don't need this. Quit. Just leave it. Let somebody else do it.

Yeah. Yo, big up to Johnny recognizing Vermont's maple syrup prowess. Absolute to a fine gentlemen. What does you say? He has good taste, my boy. Yeah, once you have the real shit,

Canada can go fuck itself. They make maple syrup in Vermont? Yeah, it's way better than fucking anything. Dick, every time my tinnitus. Oh, God, I hate that they say it like that. I think of your nightmare, and I worry that that's when it happened to me some days.

Today, I was interviewing a marketing director, and, oh, boy, it was louder than it's ever been. I could not focus on the interview for the first, like, five minutes. Oh, yeah. Miserable, I feel horrible that you have to deal with that, and I hope I never have to suffer the way you aren't. Go watch yourself. Thanks for the reminder. I think I got a rage for you I went to my sprouts

My local sprouts Because they got the kind of chips That I like That you know They don't got the C-loads or whatever And you know Like any man I know exactly where I'm going

Where the thing is that I need to get And pretty much how many of them I'm going to grab Right So I got in, cut across the store Make a B-Line for the chips And then there's this guy right in the middle of the aisle with his cart just got by himself grown man maybe 45 i don't know with a nice button up fancy like i'm going out shirt tight jeans and like some leather shoes

and i'm like okay that's weird and the guy's just kind of like him and he harned himself like what trip should i get i'm like oh fuck this i don't want to like sidle up to the guy and they'll be like Excuse me, I'm just going to get through. So I'm like, well, let me idle around the fucking chips for like 20 seconds, right? Let me pretend to look at something and see if the guy fucking moves of his own accord, right? But no, the guy is cemented into that position. So I said, fuck it, I'll go around. And now I know there's like a 90% chance that in the time it takes me to go down the other aisle

and come around the other side that this motherfucker is going to move and then cover the thing that I'm going to look at. Sure enough, it happened. It happens all the time. And then I fucking beg, I'm gonna fucking reach in to your personal space and just grab the thing because I don't want to fucking talk to you

because you got a weird vibe. And lo and behold, I grab my fucking chips and as I'm pulling away, the motherfucker is singing to himself. I'm like, bro, you're fucking weird. He's having a good day. Dressed up.

It's the fucking sprouts. Okay, what are you doing? He's there to meet girls, not play grab asses. you. Sprout's dressed up. Unique and had your flare. Like, this is not the place for this.

What are you going to Sprouts anyway for her? Get the shit, they fuck off. Anyway, that's my race. Yeah. Chipsile, he's doing that? Man. I haven't been to Sprouts. Is there, like, wine in the chips aisle?

There's weirdos in the chips aisle. Oh, there is? I used to work there. He used to work at Sprout? Yeah. When I didn't work there anymore, I'd wear my shirt in and confuse the shit out of people.

I'd be like, oh, it's over there. And then I'd walk out of the store. All right. Let's do it. Oh, shit. Let me find it. Was that guy really, were him and his girlfriend really fucking gay guys? Well, and who are you gay?

Is that what he said? Sissies? That's crazy. That's so fucking crazy. yeah there we go you got you need to go on harder drugs buddy weed's not the drug for you you need to actually not even see god just go to god you're having threesomes with your girlfriend and gay guys and you're in this sort of mental state no you're the gay you're the gay you're talking about all these emotions and shit what the fuck you're the gay you're the gay you're the

one in the group. Should be having all these kinds of emotions. Yeah, it was awesome. You know, length of email is a good indicator. If that's a really long email, dog, you're gay. If it's a short email, you got to remember brevity is the sole levity, right?

If you want us to feel the weight of your impact in the statement you're trying to make or ask for advice on, keep it short. Just I give me enough information, but I mean, you hid that part.

In all that, there was no cans. You hid that part kind of pretty far into it. Where is it? Epstein, Mexicans, Israel. What about Mexstein? Mexstein? Is there a Mexican Epstein? I don't know, but imagine having to watch the subtitles

where you're getting plowed by it? Did Epstein make these bitches watch the Spanish Simpsons with S-A-P, S-A-A-A-A-P? secondary audio programming That's... With Mexican Homer As if he needed more of a reason I hate watching The Simpsons, man

So he's having threesomes with Sissies Brains off Devious work, my guy His girlfriend's dating two gay guys Yeah You couldn't keep it simple and just fuck other girls You had to make it

You're doing this weird European thing You've got to do the American thing, man. You're doing... Do the Mexican thing even. Have a second secret family in a different country. That's it. That's it. See, that's worked since the beginning of time.

Guys have always been having secret families. Dude, the economy is too bad for that right now, man. Yeah, so they got to be... They got to... Let's fuck gay guys. What the fuck? I can't afford to fuck two women. So let's start fucking gay guys.

Well, it's more of... I can't afford to have two houses. I can't afford to have two houses. You gotta be Polly. Oh wow, what's that like? It means you fuck gay guys together. What? See?

I didn't think that and he said, we're Polly. I was like, okay. Turns out that means you fuck gay guys together. That's what it always boils down to, man. I don't think that's what I mean. Maybe it does. I can see it. That's why the answer is no.

Yeah. You never know when they're going to sneak fucking gay guys into something. Stay away from all that shit. This guy needs to go work at a fucking factory. What the fuck was? It's just a mess. That guy was a mess. You gotta work in a factory.

And after all that, he tried to crack a URAC discipline joke in there too. Don't try and fucking add this chung-a-s shit in here. Get out of here. Get your life together. Get your life together. Or just find a new bitch and lie to. were until you feel good. Just fuck gay guys if you want.

It's called being gay. That was just a roundabout email to... So am I gay? Yeah. The reason he wants to talk to her so bad is so she can get that other guy's number. It's all making sense. Change your drugs.

Change your drugs. Your drugs are not working. Okay, divorce dad. Ooh, he's definitely going to win this one. So I forget what this was all about. Okay. But I had some good ones in from last week. Oh, yeah.

Oh, wow. This guy's definitely going to win. Whatever, he's trying to win. Oops, oops, oops. I hate this how I have to turn it on every time. It fucking is... Is that me? No, that's the Instagram thing.

My ex-wife's mom to get a hold of my children. Because I'm concerned. And proceeded to tell her I'm going to call CPS and the sheriff and have them do a check-in. She flipped. Said, if I, you know how much money I got? If you involved the law, that proves guilt right there. I texted my ex-wife's mom to get a hold of. of my children.

This guy's got corded headphones around his neck, like a necklace, or like he might be hanging himself. Auto erotic. Asm. ASMR asphyxiation. Just fucking weirdo. But yeah,

a new divorced dad has appeared. And this guy is clearly on like 20 different things. See, that proves... Who are they talking to? And they... Other divorced crazy dads? I think so, man.

I think a lot of what's been propping up Instagram's business model is selling ads to these fucking weirdos. Because the amount of times I'll get a video on my feet, and says sponsored with zero likes, maybe one comment, and it's shit like this.

I'm like, man. Just total fucking... Yeah, dude, total fucking maniacs talking like, I was analyzing the numbers today and blah, blah, there's this one guy. I can't remember if I brought him in yet, but he talks to chat GPT and says he has the rarest jaw line.

Oh, yeah. And you watch him drift further and further away from, like, humanity as he's like, I got to call the Guinness Book of Records. I got to like get... I got to call it. the Smithsonian and he's just like fucking like

you're watching him lose his mind with AI so yeah a little warm up with some divorced dad action we haven't seen one in a while but this guy's definitely off the defense tell her I'm going to call CPS and the sheriff and have them do a check in she flipped said if you know how much money I got if you involved the I'm so fucking tired

of all the things that are built to like help divorced parents with their kids yeah I have a second just kill one of them randomly kill one of them and then don't make us deal with it anymore.

You both have to take a shot from a cup. Yeah. And one of those is poison. One of you's dying. Preferably both of them. That'd be the joke. You're not going to know, are you? So I'm going to call everybody.

And then we got our lawyers on it. Yeah. Man, I don't even care of what it does to the kid. I'm just so sick of adults. Well, and they're all like fucking lunatics, too. It's not just like, well, we need to, we need a sensible way to figure. this out. It's like they're trying to weaponize

like misinterpretations to like yeah, dude, I don't know what the end game is. So here's a new low in AI. I remember what this one is. What is? Oh, is this a retarded little girl? No, put the audio on. Worst. So this is one of those fake baby ladies who's using AI to animate it.

Oh no Isn't that It looks like a demon I imagine it is a demon Yeah But yeah It's pretty May this make you smile

And feel good she says Yeah Who would feel good about this. It's terrifying. This is what we're wasting water bottles on, everybody. This is why we should be ending plastics

because then we could get less of these fucking little fake baby dolls everywhere because this shit makes me fucking sick, man. Mom of two girls, dog mom, reborn mom. Yeah, that's what those dolls are called. And those dogs, too. but oh she's got one

oh no okay what is this why is this the wrong size yeah what the fuck she's showing all her dolls and like a little skit yeah oh my god what the fuck is wrong with Instagram today

it's so retard but yeah dude she's got a bunch of these fake babies and they're all insane where is the goddamn sound off the fucking thing for whatever oh there it goes

there it goes there it is there it is the bottom now what the fuck get out of here fucking Instagram god damn it go away

the black one the black one kills me oh why does she have a little black fake baby dude there we go

it's just man What the fuck is this guy's problem? Dude, this is her reborn family? Her collection, yeah. It's just a bunch of dolls. Yeah, that she has names for and fucking... And they sing on AI. Yeah.

Johnny, this is... This is deranged. It's sick, man. I saw that and was like, that is... What is this? Why is this guy like half a puppet? Does she fuck a puppet up here? I guess so, yeah.

Pretend? She's got a black baby daddy with hair. like Ruby Rod blonde hair Man It's just Dude And she's so hyped on this

That she's actively posting about it She's like man These are my reborn kids And that poor dog Is like What the fuck is going on here Do you think the dog wonders Like what's real and what isn't sometimes

I bet that dog would just love to chew up all those Stupid babies Fucking babies Dude, no. Yeah, man. This lady's fucked. Okay, let's hear from her. Open in the other window.

I think that one's just even a picture. Okay. This is a video. There we go. These have like one heart. This has one comment. Yeah, dude. Like.

What the fuck? This is just a montage of... Got to enjoy Every second Life is short So keep it real, y'all Keep it To enjoy

This is a bunch of pictures Of her at a Like a college Basketball game With various filters With a kawai filter The classic bears fan Is that one potty training

Oh dude Of fucking Christland In the fucking other window Yeah it's potty training Oh no, that's just a chair Now it's at the table Now it's in a car seat Oh no, it's in a

Stroller just tossed into the car I guess Yeah, you can save a couple bucks that way Let's go to the park For one day ago That's crazy Oh my God If you see this lady at your park

Fucking run And drop kick her in the head well I think she already has been hence the like need for real fixer God okay that's enough of this yeah so that lady's fucked so here's the chungest final boss this made me fucking sick too man

I watched this and was like man that makes me so mad ugh why she's smiling like that already did that fucking G mod smile yeah it's goofy time for a tattoo cover up I bet you don't know what Q St.

Do you? Ficked up teeth. Even though it's his initials, okay? It still gives me a reason to go get a tattoo. Okay, I will not be covering the leaf up. But the QA. That shit's got to go as soon as possible. Oh my God, man.

Somebody fucked this and she tattooed their name on her? Yeah, dude. Fucking a little cut out. on the door. I'm out of here, bitch. See ya, bitch. Stay tuned because we'll be doing a tattoo pretty soon. Oh my god. Does she have a tongue ring too? Dude, I saw this and threw open my mouth a little bit. I knew the day would come. Time for a cat. The fucking like, like,

does she have diamonds all over her fucking teeth? Yes, she got those. And she's removing a former lover's name starts with Q. I bet you don't know what QA QA and then a weed leaf 4 do you Even though it's his initial It's a fucking bit

It still gives me a reason to go get a tattoo Okay I will not be covering the leaf up What? To be hyped on a fucking weed leaf tattoo at that age Yeah Whoops Don't know what that was all about Yeah Jesus

Megan digital creator smoothie hut heating and air dispatcher recovering addict oh it makes perfect sense yeah

just nothing but insufferability okay uh swearing at Jesus Christ are these videos they're not are they they're just pictures some of our videos yeah

they are how can you tell I think the ones of the view count oh I guess not huh oh well All right. But kids are getting ready for school. Well, kind of.

And I am going to go apply for some housing and apply for some jobs. And I'm going to get a job today. If I don't get a job today, then I don't know. Then I'll get one tomorrow. Damn it. Why are you recording this? That's what I'm saying. Like none of this needed to be added to the internet anywhere.

You got 140 followers. This is your friends and family account? Yeah. What the fuck? Why? Oh, no. And all these others. Got the kids ready for skiing.

They're getting ready to leave your skin. Don't put your kids on. Yeah. So much. Sickening. Don't put your kids on the fucking internet. And don't be like that on the internet either. We all know Kate, but I'm the favorite trust.

She's my favorite daughter. And he's my favorite. All right. Yeah. So we got one last one. Fucking grinch. Okay. I can't remember what the...

Oh, this is face tat removal gone right. All right. Oh, man. What's wrong with his face? Dude. He looks like Count Chocula. You're going to love this, man. So I saw this and was like, that's pretty funny.

What happened was, this is a guy who did his own face tattoos over the years. So he's trying to cover them up by doing a full beard and full... What? Yeah. Go ahead and hit play, and then we'll dive in afterward. But this... Oh, no. What a lot?

Okay, so check out. He's got this giant nose, and he's like, he's tattooed himself like, uh, like when Maddox was a vampire. Yeah, he looks exactly like Count Chocula, like he's got this deep widow's peak and a gigantic beard. And a very pale face, too. Yeah. Because click his profile, too. Okay. I need to watch the rest of it.

Yeah, it looks pretty good. Does he tattoo his teeth? He tattooed like his skin bunion, too. His face bunion. Fucking crazy work. But yeah, if you scroll down. Ribeiro Bada. Okay.

It sounds very Brazilian, but yeah. Oh my fucking God. He used to look like that. And he's... So he looks like a monster. Yeah, so he's been trying to cover it up. What is up with his face? I think it's probably swelling from either tattoo removals or...

infections from tattoos. I could be entirely wrong on this, but he definitely looks fucked up. He looks fucked up. Because I was like, what the fuck is going on? Okay, buddy. So then he talks about how he's

going to remove his face hats by covering him. Oh, wait, who is this? That's what he's trying to look like? Yeah. Like the most handsomest Indian man in the world This guy looks fucked That guy is fucked

This guy fucked up his face Not like really bad But look He's been working on it man He's been fucking working on it, man It's so crazy How did he tattoo his face white Dude, I fucking...

Like Paul Bearer. Yeah. And you can see all the swelling in his face from all the fucking... That would be sick. Why is he singing into a clothespin? You know? But yeah. Must be some new Brazilian technology.

But you can see the starting process too. What the hell is this? He's doing this other chick all blackface? I guess so. What is happening in Brazil? It's a godforsaken land. Okay, this is what he looks like normally. Okay, he looked fine here.

There was no reason to... It looked totally normal. I mean, everything else aside, but... Yeah, he looks like a human. Yeah, that's great, bud. Thanks. But then... You see the slow transformation? Oh, dude.

You didn't even cut it right. But yeah, man, that's him. him going through the process of covering up all his tattoos. This is fucked up. So, if you guys need any face hat removal... Don't do this. Don't cover it up. Oh, look, he's putting on that...

This is him putting on that color. Oh, so that's not... It's just a beard. That's crazier. No, but I... Didn't he... Does he tattoo that in? Or is that just the...

Is that just... Is that just... Is that just... Is he trying to... Fix it. It's trying to do the fix the whole thing. What the fuck? Tell me he's not going to start tattooing that.

Oh. His entire face is like colored in with a crayon. The gray man group. Okay, okay. All right. I don't know what you're in there, bud. Teenage Ninja Turtle. Here we go.

All right. That's it, everyone. Nuddy shit, man. And on that note, see you next week, everybody. Hitting his teeth, they're like all methed out. Mm-hmm.

Like they're, he's probably doing that in like an alley. If he could tattoo a beard on a baby that that lady could then animate and then someone send that baby straight to heaven, after doing an interpretive dance of George Floyd. Dude, I really want to see Maddox interview all these people. Like the people with fake babies and get his, like, fake announcer voice. Wouldn't that be great? It'd be even funnier if he had a fake baby, too. Yeah.

It was like trying to understand. He tried to do it. Yeah. Can't wait to hear how cool is shit it is. Yeah, right? That would be better. We got to get one of these people to call in. The fake baby one, she has to.

There's got to be something we can do to entice her. The mink lady for fuck sake. I was just about to say, I want to talk to the mink lady. So please, somebody help. Please. Poop Dad, obviously poop dad's got to call in. Dude, I might make a TikTok just to reach out to poop pet. Make it as a hot girl.

Oh, yeah. Get him to call in. Somebody do it. All right. Goodbye, everybody. See you, everybody. Crim Pilled is in chat. Crim.

Cillin. All right. That was...