The Dick Show - Episode 499 - Dick on More Ayatollahs

Episode Date: March 1, 2026

Israel goes to war with Iran, things are blown up in Dubai, AirBnb-conditioning, Clawdbot vs. Boomers, Sven Stoffels calls in about Butch Killigan 3 and other things, advice on being gay, a wife folds laundry, baby sign language, a woman is addicted to working out, the BAFTA N-word game, and Smiling Friends is over; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Because this stupid house doesn't have central air Somehow I got sold on these bogus wall units that are like just worthless You live in an Airbnb You know Johnny? That hadn't occurred to me Why don't I just get a book about photography and an old camera And a shelf that was put together yesterday and set it up I live in an Airbnb. I'm gonna stay it that way too and I'm gonna stay it that way too and I'm Now, where I got a, I live in an Airbnb, where I got an air conditioner on the wall that you got to fuck with a remote, lose the remote.

You know, the most pleasurable experience in life is keeping track of the remote. So let's slap a remote on your air conditioning. That'll, that'll improve the experience. Did I start this thing? It doesn't help when it's a houseful of all different models of AC with different models of remotes, too. You know what? I have the same. They're all the same.

Oh shit. Mitsubishi, yeah, the best. The best of this dog shit in the wall air conditioning system. Man, I had one that would get so cold that would freeze up on me. It does sometimes. It kind of like freezes up and then smells mildewy every once in a while. I'm like, what is going on here, man? And then the Reddit response is just mysticism for how to fix that.

I got a stop stripping all this shit out. So I have it configured for just the upstairs wall unit, which doesn't work at all, unless you're standing right under it. The fucking guy has told me this will be great. I just installed one of these units on a warehouse. Cooles the whole thing down. I never thought to ask him, hey, do you go back a week later and ask how that air is working out? Or do you just pop it in and say, mission accomplished and then come tell me about how success? Do you have?

Because I noticed that you didn't ask me ever how it was working. Because I would have said it's not. Don't ever sell anyone this shit again. Yeah. Burn them all. Works great in the studio. I got one in the studio when we first started because it would just be 9,000 degrees in here during the summer.

I'd be sweating like a fucking pig. And I was skinnier back then, too. I thought I was fat then. Oh, madone. Woo, who, who, who. Now I'm that's dad. Now I'm fat's dad. I thought I was fat then.

Now I'm fat's dad. I need my shit Like Paul I need a Paul Wall Approved air conditioner That just blows Fucking ice cubes all day I got some dude out here

To put it So I got these air conditioning units And because my son's room Doesn't have any air in it Because why would I put air in the guest room Fuck the guest Now the guest is important Well

But see Dick You're thinking about it all wrong As the guest in your own house You would want You know I'm the guest now You're the guest I got to give the master treatment to that room.

All kinds of fuck-ups have led me to this point. What's another wall unit, you know? The guy came out and he looked at my thing. He goes, who put this in? I said, me. And he goes, it's illegal. I said, get the fuck out of it. Don't start.

Don't start with that shit. Just tell me, get your little computer out, map out, you know, map out the flow or whatever. You guys got some kind of fucking app in there. Map out the flow. Tell me how much it's going to cost. Don't give me the whole, don't give me the routine. Unless you got a PowerPoint in your pocket I don't want to hear it

So now I got this system of like It's like an you know ancient tombs How they would have a system of mirrors To reflect the sunlight In through the tomb So they could continue their craftsmanship In the deepest depths of the tombs I don't know if that's true

I think I'd I think I saw it on like the fifth element or something That checks out Maybe though yeah How they would have mirrors reflecting the sun down into the tomb so they could continue working deep in the darkness of the tomb. I have that, but with air. So I've got air coming from the studio, blowing with a fan out into the box fan out of the hall,

then there's another box fan redirecting. That's why I had the air, I realized, that's why I had the air cranked up, because of all the stupid decisions that I've made, like trying to short-circuit central air. Oh, I'll just slap some shit on the wall. Why didn't they think of this? Why is everybody wasting their money on Central Air? They could just be putting this gay-ass box on the wall

with a little computer fan in it. And a remote. Surely this guy that got here on a motorcycle knows what he's talking about. It doesn't work. Don't get them. My neighbor said, I noticed you had those things. My neighbor doesn't know my name.

Calls me the wrong name. He's been calling me the wrong name for 10 years. You should correct him with another wrong name. Actually, my name is I'm a I'm a queer Yeah, you know, my name's Jerry Like Jerry's kids My name's Jercules

Nice to meet you My name's Haywood Jablomi My name's Penis McGregor My name's Peter Ness People call me penis Nice to meet you Hi, I am huge F

Nice to me I am the N-word No, you don't say it. It's the end. You have to spell it. It's pronounced phonetically. I'm Thaddeus N-word. What's the N-stand for?

The N-word. The one and only. The one and only. Wow. The end stands for the one and only? Wow. It's the R that matters. So you guys, I noticed you got those things.

What do you think? I'm thinking of getting them. I said, if you get them, I'm going to come over to your house, and I'm going to tear them off the fucking wall and beat you to death with them. Don't get those things. Don't do what I did. Don't make mistakes like me. He's like 80 years old.

He was in Vietnam. He told me one time that he's this little gay dude. He said, if somebody breaks in my house, they'd be leaving in a body bag. I'm from, I got my guns. I got my 1911 from Vietnam. I'm like, what the fuck? You're like a little gay Cotton Hill. I'm like this.

What the fuck? All right. That's more terrifying. Yeah. No one wants to be laid out by a gay man, a little gay cotton hill. No knees. You have to come back to life and kill yourself. Are we streaming? Are we rolling?

Antoids, tell me if the audio sounds okay. I'll just play the theme song. Cool. Saying something about my son. Oh, man. You want Dick, you need, Dick, you love to kick. Got it! It's the show, we're having this contest.

Coming to live from Mountain Bunker Deep in the Hodders City, failure. I'm your host, Nick Mason, aka the $20 million dollar man. Joining me, as always is Johnny the audio engineer. I think I'm getting my faculties of speech back. I think the nightmare is finally over. Fuck! Son slept in the,

snapped in his crib for the first time today, just laying in a crib, like a little piece of shit. Oh my God, he's fucking just sleeping there. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Sleeping in a crib, not sleeping on top of us. Oh, baby.

That's a milestone on the roadmap right there. I'm back to being a singular human instead of a part of Master Blasters. I have my whole faculty's back He's the little guy and he just treats you like the car Yeah Slave, what does he say? Oh Blast Is he master? He's blasted. He's mastered. The little midget

Master. Yeah, Blaster. Pick me up, Blaster. You know a lot of cool characters in that movie, but they didn't do shit really. Oh, you're talking about the movie Master Blaster Blaster. I'm thinking of the video game. Is it Blaster Master? I knew you're thinking of a match Blasterer. Oh my God. You can't put Blasterer. Blaster and master next to each other, because I use those words to describe things.

I don't know why. We taught our son how to do the sign language for milk. Why, this was very stupid. But everyone said, you've got to teach the baby sign language. Like, why? So he could communicate. All right. So first sign, number one, here's milk.

What do you think about this, dude? So now, like, an hour after he eats, he's like, yo, give me that milk. No, you can't eat it right now. You got to wait. He's like, oh, fuck you! Betrayal! Why did I teach him this? Just to betray him?

How do I explain that to him? Why did you teach me this then? You piece of shit? Well, you're basically doing what colonists did to uncontacted tribes of like, hey, did you know that if we tell you about Jesus and you don't accept him, you're going to hell? But also, if we never told you to begin with, you would go to heaven. Yeah, except this is... you've only punished yourself.

This is really a punishment of me. Same thing happened with a dog. There was this phase where everybody was doing these little dog buttons, pretending that dogs could talk. They'd press buttons. Of course we got one, because, you know, I can't stop every purchase. Lord knows I've tried. Man.

Oh, I want a big church choir singing about how cheap I was in my life at my funeral. Oh, he didn't spend a die. black guy. He didn't spend one dime. He didn't even pay for us, ladies and gentlemen. We're working on tips. Last, past him later round. He was cheap. You need like the Hercules ladies behind you. Yeah, who put the cheap and cheap eater? This dead fuck. Taking a economy class up to heaven. Oh, lordy. Dude, I'm telling you, if you really want a cheap max, bring back secondhand smoke. I'm only smoking secondhand smoke.

I'll be at the bus stop. I'm paying that much for a pack of cigarettes these days. I'm sitting around everyone else who's smoking cigarettes and getting my own buzz. You guys taking a smoke break, Brett? Come on, let's go. Get up, get up. Let's get outside. Come on.

You guys, you're down for a smoke break? No? Making everyone smoke with a leaf bag over their heads. Talk the dog, so one of the buttons comes, the dog talking. Bullshit. Got food on it. You know, just press that. Why the fuck?

You know when the dog wants food. It's like right in your face. Ah! Ah! Never has a dog needed a button to tell you that it needs no dog needs that. Food, food, food, food, food, food. Get the fuck out of here.

Give her the nut button. I'll swap the button. Nut, nut, nut, nut. Yeah, me too. Me too. Are they bombing Dubai? I hope so. I'm so tired of that chocolate, man.

I hope all the whores and shitheads are okay in Dubai I hope all the whores made it out okay and the douchebags in Dubai is what I thought

when I found out Iran was bombing Dubai oh no I sure hope all those whores and pieces of shit are okay yeah I sure hope all those Lamborghinis are fine did any of the

if the piece of shits Lamborghinis get messed up when they bombed Dubai Did any of the Did any of the fucking weirdos Going on sex tourism for the horrors in Dubai Are all of them okay? Shit, I hope so What about all the Filipinos driving our Waymos around out there?

Is the Filipino Is the, I hope all the Indian call centers are okay Ah, that's too wishful eye From Iran's missile barrage. I do not hope they're okay. fucking cold. Actually, they bombed a little girl's school. Oh, okay. Whew. But all the shitheads are okay, huh? All the venture capitalists are fine. Is all the private equity okay? Damn. I hope all their Russian hoos are okay.

Sure hope I don't get banned off Xbox Live out of this one. That's exactly what I voted for, Johnny. I voted for murder, fascism. chaos. I voted for the total destruction of the government. Except I voted for it here. Right. I voted for this all to happen right here.

I voted for our leaders to get tricked into a meeting and get blown up. That's what I voted for. For here. Not over there. Maybe we could import some of that terror Here Not there We got to bring

Private Equity back on this side of the same It's amazing what the U.S. and Israel can do And they put their mind to it All these complicated Looney Tunes plans Candygrams blowing Ayatollah's heads off Candygram for a Mottola They got that guy

Killed that guy That guy was cool You know He's even cooler now, yeah He was like Faircon Kind of Every once in a while He would throw something out on Twitter

Like US Cops kneeling on black guys necks Nacks shameful I'm like Ha ha ha that's hilarious Well you gotta think too It's a good ploy For all of his merch

To go up into sales too Oh yeah the Ayatola Do you have any Ayatola merch I will now I gotta start buying it all So I can flip it You know Yeah get it graded

101 shiny Ayatola card So they kill him I thought that everything would fall apart Once they killed that guy That's what they keep telling us right Yeah but then They had another Iatola right away

How did that happen? How many Ayatollahs they have? You think? A whole country full of them You think 90 million people They got more than one asshole That wants to be in charge And pretend to talk to God?

I think that's all of the history of Middle East You think they got more than one guy Who will duck and do something sermons about Satan and tell women they're fucking stupid and stuff you know what you're this sun worshiping thing is kind of cool actually you think they got another guy who will do that

let's see let's find out we'll kill this guy you guys do you have any more of that guy do you have any another bearded asshole that knows everything and hates America you do fuck what about reframing bringing back who wants to be a millionaire as who wants to be the next iatola

who wants to be the next iatola describing Describe in Harry Potter terms how much you hate America go like the miss universe pageant yeah mr Ayatollah oh where's my tollo verse miss Iartola verse what's the talent show beheadings rape probably yeah so what a wonderful rape great dismount you blew it on the dismount how fast you can read the Quran wiener got stuck mm oh speed reading the Quran like the micro machines guy They got more Ayatollahs. They got a lot of them.

They got a fucking million of them. At least a million. What are China and Russia waiting for? Go take stuff. Fucking Steel City Hall. The cops are all busy. America's busy with Israel. Go take whatever you want.

Take Ukraine. Kill people. Do all the things that I want us to have, but we can't have it. Call up David Lopan. Shoot some electricity. Bring out the magical guys that you got in China. Shoot electricity bolts. At Taiwan.

Fucking fly out there. Levitate, Holmes. Levitate across the Bering Strait or whatever. If I saw it David Lopan levitating across the Bering Strait, I'd be like, you know what? Shoot a missile at that motherfucker. That's what I'd be like. Wolf, you can't.

You can. You could. You could. Yeah. He would be pissed. That's what I want. I want a shirt that's this David Lopan. be pissed.

Did they go after the Lamborghinis in Dubai? Were they targeting Lamborghinis for the shitheads? Were they targeting whores? Which one are they going after? Hopefully the Lamborghinis and all the other stupid ass cars they got out there. Yeah, I hate whores, but I don't want them to get missile-striked. I mean, it's bad enough that they've already been getting missile-striked by rich assholes. They've been getting shit on.

Yeah. Imagine that. You're a whore getting shit on in Dubai, and then you get blown up by a missile. Like, oh, fuck. Just not my day. What else can go? what else can go right today, you know? Piano falls out, this guy.

The top of the Birch Khalifa right on someone's head. Now, okay. Oh, man! That would be a great Red Bull stunt. A piano off the top of that thing. Dropping a piano off that. Yeah. Red Bull only does stupid shit now, though.

They only do, like... Drop a piano from space, even. Drop the Birge Khalifa from space. And like... While you're playing piano. The dude perfect guys. Drop it right on a homeless guy's head. like from space, you know?

But it also lands perfectly in the plot, too. A grave, you mean? No, no, the building lands exactly within the property lines. Oh, yeah. You know those dude perfect guys? Yeah. They throw like a toothpick into your penis hole, like from across a football field. Did you see that one?

They're like, check this out. And he shoots a toothpick, one of those ones with the plastic on the end, the garnish toothpicks. And he goes, dude, this is dude. Perfect, check this out. And he puts it in a straw and goes, one of those ones. With those little loops in it.

Yeah, he goes, and it goes, and another guy's like, no, he's got this erection, and it goes, bing! It's a toothyke umbrella, and it blows out like a dragster parachute and flies right into his dickhole. He's like running around his dick. Whoa!

Whoa! Because he's got one of those dicks that points up when it gets an erection. Well, he's blindfolded too, because it's dude perfect. Whoa! And he's on like one of those bear clown balls that you have to like balance and walk around on? Yeah. Isn't it ironic that the Iranian people, all they want is for someone to just kill all their leaders, annihilate all their leaders, right?

They could be free. And then someone does. Got another goddamn I told her right away. And the American people, we just want someone to kill all our leaders. It's never going to happen. And our leaders are doing all the, you know, killing of other leaders. You're fucked if you do you're raped if you do You're raped if you get raped by another Ayatola

Oh we're just sitting here getting raped Yeah at least give us an Iot Get a new guy to rape us You know I'm tired of seeing all the same names man I'm tired of getting raped by the same family These guys raped my parents I want to get a new guy to rape me

Okay Trump's gonna rape me Alright that's cool You guys get raped by a new Ayatola too Far out Same shit different day man I don't know if a new younger Ayatollah was the model I don't know if that's a good goal An Ayatollah that can get overstimulated

He's got to make a name for himself You know, we started the whole thing, obviously Yeah, putting the Shah in there I don't really know this The U.S. came in and said, you guys are gonna You guys are gonna nationalize oil? No, you're not gonna do that We're gonna kill your guy and put a guy in there They said, why? We're having a good time

Well, you can't have a good time You can have a good time if we can take your oil We buy oil But not if you're not gonna do that It's the good time to leave, yeah Now the whole country sucks Start a meddling around in there I guess nationalizing works pretty well

If you have a smart guy running it But then the second you get a dummy Then it all fucks up Right? It's like anything else As soon as you get a dummy in charge I got shit The problem is there's only ever a dummy in charge. No, you can get a good guy.

You can get somebody smart in there. For like a month. Yeah. You have to. Yeah. It can't be. But the next guy's going to be a retard. Any longer than a month and you become more and more susceptible.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just. We got to get some people over there. We need boots on the ground. Boots on next, man. We need boots on necks. We need the fucking PD.

Forget the army. Send the police over there. Get Derek Chauvin out of jail. Send him over there. Knee first. It just filled like a big tank and it's just a knee. I think like, I like to fantasize and go like, man, you know, a lot of missiles flying around. What are the odds? A couple of those missiles maybe would nuke New York or Washington or L.A. That'd be cool or Tel Aviv. You know, any of these. Because maybe that would knock the starch out of these guys, right? Maybe they would say, like, maybe we shouldn't be fucking around so much.

Maybe there's problems at home. We need to start missile striking. If New York just disappeared overnight, that would be the greatest thing possibly for it. What if it made it even worse, though? That's where I always end up. Like, you know what if it made it even worse? Turns them all into like ghouls and shit. Now you have to deal with undead fucking New Yorkers?

Yeah, and they never. Yeah, imagine arguing with a ghoul about free health care. getting called I'm walking over here smooth skin I'm not ready for that shit Gouly Gully could you say that

Hey Gouley Gouly asked me You see that guy with Tourettes This shouted the N-word Look you don't have to have Tourette's to shout the N-word That guy is just milking it Yeah

He's trying to get the ADA in trouble But it's like buddy My tinnitus says the same thing Right As it makes me Always shout the N-word In the car It's the way my engine ticks

It says it for me Yeah. My fan belt. I got them squeaking. I got a bad fan belt. What did you think you heard? It's my fan belt, man. Watch.

Look at the fan belt right there. And it's moving, right? And when it starts moving, you got to look at it, though. Okay? I'll prove it. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. Man!

Whoa! There it goes again. Let me explain. I thought they were done. I thought they were done complaining about. that Tourette's N-Word thing. I don't know why I thought that. They're going to be complaining about it for 400 years. Here's the...

One of the things I read. I started bookmarking all like the Let's Kill that disabled guy. And fuck. Try to be disabled in my hood. Yo, yo, and try to be disabled in my hood, right? I'm all for killing the disabled. Yeah, sure.

They're reasoning behind it. I'm like, invalid reason. Interrupting a show? I love the... Yeah, you guys really have a problem with that, I know. Right. Oh, she was shouting an inward during a movie? Oh, it was an award ceremony.

Oh, that's totally different. I got it. Where it was like, what if there was a black bond? And it's like, I can get you to talk Mr. Bond. And it's like, pulls curtain to reveal like an open movie theater. I was like, God damn it. It's like scream. Yeah.

You know, right? What do you think, Mr. Bond? She's about to go in there. She's about to go in the house, Mr. Bond. should she Mr. Bond? Do you think it's safe for her to go into that house?

What color is the protagonist in this scene? Do you think she's going to die first? Girl getting killed in a horror movie. Oh, she's Look at that, Mr. Bond. There she is. Alive and well.

Right there, Mr. Bond. The little helmet with the two light bulbs and he's shackled to the chair and is like, Oh, yeah. That lovely woman is alive, Mr. That bitch dead! I was like, man.

What if there was some kind of Ayatollah in California? Maybe he's hiding. Maybe he's hiding in the governor's mansion. Isn't it funny that... Ayatollah Newsom is loose. Ayatollah Newsom is loose. You better get him. You better get him.

God bless him, though. God bless the right-wing Jews for what they're doing in Israel. I wish they would do. come over and help us a little bit. That's all we're asking for. I just want a little something. Just cut me off a piece. Just like a piece.

Yeah, just like a bit of do whatever you want. Maybe some pageer hijinks for us. Maybe you just like break the edge of like the pie crust off and give us like a taste of... We don't even need the feeling. Yeah. Just like a... But instead we get the ADL.

iPad, then. Tells you when you're being anti-Semitism. And other shit. And high-interest rates. Isn't it funny that the attack plan for Iran was basically the sequel to naked gun? Yeah. They got all the bad guys in a room at a meeting and then exploded them. I'm seeing this.

I'm like, this is fucking naked gun. I've seen this, too. This is naked gun two and a half. Well, that's why the importance of churning out so many sequels in Hollywood, right? Is that you get sequel fatigue and that you never watched the second or second. third or was it the first one or which which naked gun which naked gun has the iatola i think is the second one no it's the first one oh okay naked gun one well damn shows how long it's been since i've seen it too man man we got a nice set of tits in the opener of that one oh man we should send over uh

i was watching my wife goes if they're driven by the in the shower yet i'm like oh man i love you we got to send Richard Pryor and Gene Wilde over on some Hear No Evil, See No Evil. To wear him. Iran. Just to solve the Ayatollah crisis. Oh no, it's all Ayatollahs. What have they all dressed up like three Amigas?

Well, you get the Ayatollah and the Irotola if one of them's deaf and others blind. What are they all dressed up like Rick and Morty? Ayatola. Shot on sight. Smiling Friends is over. Rest in. piece of the old swim, man.

Man. Hey, don't let Reddit run your career. How about that? Just make quality shows and make them until you get canceled. Yeah. That's the, that's it. We're not doing cute shit like quitting. Oh, I'm going to quit before, we're going to quit before it's Rick and Morty.

Just don't hire women then. That's the way you don't become Rick and Morty. Just keep doing a good job. don't hire any women to do your comedy cartoon Step one Step two Keep doing a good job Have a little bit of liquor

If you're thinking about doing any of this Retarded quitting shit When people start respecting you Online For like giving up money You're fucked up You fucked up big time Well yeah but I respect

You gotta respect that they That they look That they gave up the money No I'm afraid you're that's poor respect. Poor respect is worth nothing. Yeah.

That's the respect of someone who is poor trying to make other people poor. Stupid. Don't ever say that. Don't say, keep that down in the, keep that down amongst the other, you know, people who respect other things. People always are like, so-and-so sold out.

I'm like, they've got a family to feed, man. Like all these artists who are like, quote, selling their cat, you're selling out and like selling catalogs and shit. It's like, nah, like, especially in this world. You get a couple good hits. because even if you're whatever you're doing you just make the same thing over and over with like a little bit of different you know

a little bit of a different skew on it you gotta get that bag man gotta get that bag don't ever give it up fucking dumb dumb of them you're already there and fucking you know because even if you take a show and make it so long that it gets bad

anyway by hiring women and just you know just fucking around who cares but it's like at least people go oh at least the first couple of seasons were good you know like but people will still talk about it. Like, if you do the quit while you're ahead thing,

then... Just don't try to fuck any 16-year-olds. That's what, you know, that was a big thing that happened to Rick and Morty. Hiring a bunch of women to do sci-fi comedy cartoon, also bad.

Don't do those two things. Women, comedy, what are they thinking? I don't know. Lesbians think that because they want to fuck girls too. I mean, I don't know how, but... That just means she likes what I like. Just like you guys.

We hate them We want to fuck them because we hate them Not because we love them It's a hate fuck thing You don't get it It's more of the literal Like fuck women Like versus like

You see how the You see how in the UK They're like This restore party God That Rupert guy in the Britain Restore party How's he doing?

Producing It's like It's like It's like Jack Van Imp is back Giving these sermons On like On how government could not be

Totally fucked and retarded Like everything he says is like These are obvious things And he says a bunch of obvious things And it's like Oh man Dude Yeah it is

You know who else He's not a painter is he Who? The Rupert guy No he's a farmer He's better Shit Tassid

Who is that Roman That was a farmer That became emperor I don't know one of them um banger after banger

he posted this thing saying that uh all the all the Muslim rape gangs like they would make the women

like fuck dogs and stuff like what the fucking that's that's fucking what crazy

you buried that in the middle of the thing there what what wait a minute wait a minute who are we

where's the military going it should be going right there. That's almost enough to make me go, maybe we could invade the UK. They got a problem here. You got to get them before the Ayatollahs start spreading. Because you can't fight 90 million Ayatollahs.

You know? You can't. Fuck. Yeah. I voted for it. I voted for all this. Just I voted for it to happen here. Right.

Not. I see people crying about the schoolgirl building that got bombed Who even fucking cares anymore, guys? Who gives a fuck? They got off easy. Yeah, they got out of here easy. We have to spend the rest of our miserable

fucking lives. Debating the shit all the day and night. Fucking God, dude, it's exhausting. But nothing will distract. Nothing will give stupid people that feeling of like, oh, yeah. are cool fuck around and fuck with America

you'll find out yeah like yeah it's just because I mean you could kill people here they just don't you know it's just a bunch of war it's just a bunch of murder it's happening there it's not really that you know unique

but for some reason but it's easier to do there than it is here so killing the bad guys over there is easier yeah because it's not some judge isn't going to stop you so you got to think like oh I got to make a plan right I got to make a plan to somehow get

get around this. You know, to do that there. It's easy. Well, see, the thing is, is we always know to tell when they're coming because we hear fortunate sun blasting from helicopters. Yeah. So, they don't know the lyrics to that song in the Middle East. Like, oh, that's a good song. Wow, they're not sick of it yet. Yeah. Here, like, oh, CCR,

I can hear that coming a mile away. Man. Must be the goddamn military. Fucking hate the Eagles, man. Here's what they, here's what some of the BAFTA inward guy said. Oh, yeah, they were doing another The BAFTA guy was saying? The bat, Mr. Baftum.

Dion Cole, his name is. Guess who a race he is? He was in the show Blackish. He said, he got up and said, if there is any white men in the room with Tourette's, I advise you to tell them to read the room Lord. It might not go the way they thinketh. So he's going to, he's going to kill them?

If there's anyone with Tourette's, the black people are going to kill them? Cool. They're going to hang him. This is how... As a warning to all the other Tourette's people. A song called Stranger Fruit. Yeah. The strangest fruit, even.

I couldn't stop laughing at it. Because they don't care about it, right? It's just like... No one can't care. Well, if you look at the comments to any of the shit, everyone's like, it's just like... Even if it was on purpose, it's just silly. It's subjugation. It's about obedience. It's subjugation. Somebody listening to loud music wants everybody to, you know, wants everybody to subjugate to their will. You will, you're listening to this music. I'm forcing you. You're, you're, uh, well, it's the same obsession. You're dominated by me. Yeah. So you guys won't say that word. We say it all the time. This is our way of dominating you. And then you have what is essentially an organic sign. a man that can't prevent what he's saying,

which is it might as well be, it might as well just be a piece of paper. It might as well be a rock formation that happened to, that happened to erode and if, and erode in the shape of the N-word in the middle of like geography.

Like if that were the case, it would be the same thing, like getting mad, like he's got Tourette's got a condition he can't control it at all, right? The more he thinks about not saying it, the more he's going to say it, Yeah.

The more offended he is by it, the more he's going to say it. That's, I was just about to say it's like... The lust, if I got Tourette's, would never say it. I would be there going, oh, come on, come on, come on. Couldn't say it because of the disease, right? Well, yeah, I've had friends who've had Tourette's, and they're like, you know, like physical tics or like they'll make like a clicking sound or whatever, but they're like, yeah, and it's like, you get motherfuckers who are like, if I think about it, even for like a, a,

split second, I'll start obsessing about it until it's, and it's like, fuck, that's like a curse. And so it's like, yeah, if you start thinking like, man, I really hope I don't say that. And it's like, oh, now it's like laser focused. You met the queen. He said, fuck the queen right to her face. Well, yeah, it's like. I was like, oh, man. This documentary is like a comedy movie, right?

Well, have you seen those Tourette's camp documentaries? No. Oh, dude, they're like, they're tragic, but they're fucking hysterical. they're hysterical. Sven Stoffelz is calling in today. Oh, cool. Whom we love? So they're getting irate

at what is essentially a natural display. You know, because the sign, somebody put it there. So they're, they, I guess it's more reasonable to get upset. Yeah. That someone put a fuck you sign there.

But if God puts a fuck you sign there, it's like the same thing. I don't want to make that comparison. Uh, 2001 Space Odyssey, you know, at the beginning, how that monolith appears and everyone freaks out. Okay. But yeah, it is a dominion thing. It's like the same people who are like, these are my really exotic dog breeds or like, here's my pocket bike or like, here's the thing I'm riding around. Don't make fun of it.

Watch, watch me in control of this thing. And then liberals use that and they're like, you won't say the N word because we're, you got to subjugate to us. You got to. It's like, well, you've said it And you're just praying that the footage doesn't come out later You stupid assholes, fuck y'all Because together, because collectively we are a bundle of Individually we are weak sticks

But together we're a bundle, right? So you will, you will conform to our authority That's all the N-word is. Just dumb that Well, and again Highlighted really by this By a walking rock formation put here by God And you gotta think

they didn't even invent the word, so it's like, well, what the fuck? Did they not? I thought that was a white man's invention. That's why it stuck around so long. I don't know. I got to look into that. That's why it still works, you know? Who invented puppets?

That's what I want to know. Does Tourette's make you unable to apologize, though? Though is spelled incorrectly, obviously. These are reactions to the... If your disability makes you threateningly racist, then I got a disability, too. disability to beat yo ass the woman said that

and then everyone clapped afterward too if you're if you if you're with a you are disabled with Tourette's should be wit Tourette's if she's yeah what is this half measure bullshit if you're disabled with Tourette's the first thing you do is go to

award shows how did she capitalize Tourette's and not put the apostrophe the first thing thing you do is go to award shows and call the black presenters N-words. Nobody cares. No other slurs. He needs to be banned. He's going to be banned

from the awards show. So let me get this straight. If a person with disabilities calls me the N-word, I have to be 100% okay with it because of their condition. And if I get mad, I'm able-ist. No, if you get mad, you're something else. If you get mad, you're the thing he's accusing you of. No.

Wow. Someone thinks highly of themselves. Abelist, my goodness. Abelist. Survey says, I'm sorry, that's not the word we were looking for. I don't give a shit. His ass should have stayed home if he was going to throw slurs.

Because he was called Alan Cunningham an F-sler on stage. Everyone would have been clutching their pearls. but since it was the hard R, black people are supposed to be understanding. Again, understanding? Survey says, ah! Quiet, was the word, 100 people surveyed.

What do you want? 100 people surveyed and none of them stopped talking. Headphones are making you gay? That's a scientific study that I found. Your headphones making you gay? I don't know. I have a bitch and speaker system at home. Oh, good.

So you're not gay. Man, my computer's being fucked up. Let's see here. Dutch scientist says your headphones are making you gay. I think being Dutch makes you gay. They perform tests on headphones and found them to have endocrine disrupting chemicals. This is probably bullshit. Really?

So they're making all... Seinheiser. Wait, that's mine! What? Oh no! Other companies are being pulled off the shelves. Bose, Samsung, Samsung? Yeah, right, this is probably just like a Buy More headphones study.

It's a plastics thing. Hey, everybody, all of us, all of us, all of our headphones make you gay. So we're all putting out brand new headphones that you've got to check out. That's, yeah. Yeah. Enter your body through your skin and where,

huh. Yeah, BPA, it's a plastic thing, right? Bicinol A. here's a clip of New York City they're paying they're paying 35 bucks an hour for people to shovel snow also it's worth noting that if you're in any kind of

studio environment the asbestos is going to kill you before the fucking BPA makes you get it oh I got to replace this fucking asbestos in here that's what I'm saying like fuck every time I get worried about something I just look up how much liquor is safe to drink. Oh, none? Oh, okay.

Right. I'll be fine. Well, I've been boomer maxing too, because I'm so tired of all this lack of lead poisoning that I was soldering the other day and just put my face right over the fucking thing whole time. No ventilation. I was like, come on. Give me some of that old school. You know, let me buy a building for a fraction of the price.

Come on now. Damn it. 35 bucks an hour to shovel snow, and every intersection is being shoveled by seven people. I don't know if this is real. I do know those are real people shoveling snow and there's too many of them. Look at this shit. Look at all these people. All pretending to, they're pretending

to shovel snow like they were pretending to farm food and the Chaz. The Chaz. 60 people, they're shoveling with their legs perfectly straight. 20 people. Yeah. Shoveling four street corners. All of their legs perfectly straight. A bunch of NPC

Idol animations when you're scrolling over in like rollerquoise a tycoon or some shit. Yeah. Who even cares? I just like Anything New York related to I just like I don't fucking give a single fuck about New York Come on Iran

Come on man save us I need some I need some liberators To come save me from Communist California Where they're putting age verification on operating systems Now that's the That's going into effect They're putting age verification on Linux

and Windows, which is retarded, right? Obviously retarded, but they're still just going to do it and then make everyone, you're always committing a crime. Like, yeah, okay, it's illegal to, it'll be illegal to have crypto, illegal to have an unage verification operating system, so we'll just come in and search your shit.

We'll just come in and grab your shit. Oh, this computer's got an un... This watch, boom. Operating system with no age verification. That's a fucking shark watch from the 80s, bro. I know you're using a $4,000 MacBook that you just bought, but I need to see that you're at least 18.

Yeah, man, this is fucked. We had a lot of, we had a lot of hope about the world in the 90s. I guess maybe they did earlier than that too, but that is, that shit is bleak. You can't get on this, you can't do computing. If God forbid

you happen to get your hands on a computer with all the RAM being hoarded by a child stealing homosexual if you can get your hands on some RAM and run yourself a little compute run yourself a little basement compute like Aunt Frank you're up there writing your fucking live

journal on your own You got a whisper rack for your conserver unit? Yeah I heard you got some fucking I heard you got some computes in here No not me sir Dude I heard that they're using all the extra RAM for drones Oh are they? Blow up drones all day

Blowing them up I was surprised to hear about the Iranian attacks being drones. Yeah. That's cool, though. Yeah, that's cool. But, like, you can't be using, like... Shitty ram? Shitty.

You can't be using potatoes or something? You got to use RAM? Can't harvest old rigs out of fucking... Come on, man. Come on, man. Something's got to give. I saw this guy. You know, Claudebot?

Have you heard about that? Unfortunately, yeah. You don't like it? Claudebop. No, I just know a lot of people who use... it and I'm like man it's fucking everywhere anything I'd rather sit at my computer and try and learn how to make a macro by my damn self and take three months and fucking no that's old it is old but dude I got my visual basic six books sitting on my desk still come on man no we're living in the future when all your fancy shit fucking dies and all the servers are offline and I'm sitting here still working on my Windows 95 machine coding away still still can talk to your hard directly in Windows 95, by the way. Like, come on.

You can't talk to your hardware in any computer now. I saw this guy tell his Claudebot to start sending lowball offers to all the... Every house listing in his area. And, you know, pretend to be a realtor.

Yeah. Just going in and sciopping boomers. And I thought, this is... This is it. every all of us can run our own clodbot and just launch we can we can we can we can have a distributed

Israel what do they call their sci op campaign but all of us in like the most like from the most cheesy to the most diabolical and like democratically figure out like a B test what is the most devastating because it works yeah it totally

works being being inundated with spam and bullshit it works on everybody it needs to work on it works on the middle the tipping point the people that you need to either tip one way or the other

and it's being it's it's been done to them for so long that like the the the siops and the brainwash and the memes have have become like part of their brains it's like part of their operating system in their heads that they'll just regurgitate these these memes

that have been programmed in them since birth. But when I saw that guy, he was doing it as a joke, right? Like I told my bot to just low ball off for everybody. I thought, well, we can do that with everybody. Like we can just cruise like schools, find email lists and send. And the bot can program, like give me the most persuasive complaint. Like the most distributed network of concern trolling. Like the most devastating kind of argument.

concerns. I'm really worried about the kids and I'm just thinking that maybe that you're doing too much of this and it puts people, real people in the real world on their heels where they're like, even if they say no and they ignore it, it's still in their head. Right. That's the goal is to just get in their fucking head. It was interesting. It was interesting. I thought that's funny, but it's also like those are 300 people a day walking around thinking their house is worth less than they otherwise did. Well, and that's why I'd be funny too, like take that. And hit all the boomers on Craigslist and all the auto trader sites for all their Corvettes. Yeah.

This is a one of 50 in this color. And it's like, buddy, they made a bazillion of them in all sorts of different colors. Like, fuck off. Okay. Let me get this for Spent. Come on. What's the deal here? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hello. Hello. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My shit's being slow. All right. Alright, all right. Never fucking works.

Here we go. Again. Fucking brave. Always, look, it's fucked. It's not me. It's not you. It's fucked. Always fucked.

I can't believe it's not brave. I don't think it's fucked. Get out of here. They're at an instant meeting. Yeah. Okay. Now, I'll try it on this browser. What cast of Windows did I have?

Is that what you asked? This is the show? Yeah. What cast do I have? I guess we're going to find out if it's the Rahman cast. Oh, you got the Gupta distribution. I see. Is that the bad one?

I should learn more about the casts. Well, from all of my fucking with scammers over the years, I learned that Gupta is kind of like, where to go, Gupta. It's like a family surname that has like a general negative connotation to it, even though there's like been various dynasties and what have you. but fucking you call someone Gupta they're not gonna like that okay I just I need to throw this whole thing out the window why is this here oh that looks better

bu buba I didn't even get to my notes the ADL releases an AI for teachers that's good sit there the fuck do we need teachers don't tell them that don't tell them that please can you imagine that let's roll out this ADL device for all teachers in America that just sits there and listens to every classroom in America yeah but it tells you if you're like

doing an anti-Semitism it's the worst it's among the worst things yeah there goes the coin clipping in shop class I guess it was worse than that coin clip your brain rain. All right.

Stream yard. Fuck you, Stream yard. There he is. There he is. There he is. There he is. Sven.

Staples. What's up, man? Good evening. How are you guys doing? Good. Turn him up, Johnny, please. Good, good, good, good. No way.

Zoomed in on me like this. I don't know about that, but. Is it? Let me pull it up on the browser. Whoops. Damn, you just leaked your DMs. Are we live right now? Yeah, we're live.

Oh, there we are. Hey, audience, what's up? I get worse with the tech shit every year. That's a sick rip-a-verse sticker you got there. You like that? It's actually a clip-a-verse. Oh, there you go. Do you know who that is?

cover? Yeah, of course I know. Are you talking about the semen? The big semen controversy. Do you see that? Yeah. What do you think? Is it on purpose? Because it's got to be on purpose, right? Like, nobody

would be that stupid. Dude, it's got to be on purpose. It's got, like, you're an artist. How how hard is it to accidentally put the semen on a cover that you didn't intend to do? first of all the fact that you would cover up your logo like 50% of the logo that's such if that's a mistake it's such an complete rookie like it's almost impossible to be that stupid yeah and then yeah there's a lot going on it was cover d variant cover d there's a guy that's obscuring the logo the horse part leaving out seaman but also look if you if you look the seaman is shooting out of the guy's ass

So this is Eric Shooting out of the guy's ass This is Eric July's new comic book Well I guess maybe it's a new character He had the horseman one The Horseman 2 And then I guess he's got a spin-off Where it's the horseman character in the middle

But the book title says The Seaman Is there's a guy flying Yeah, it's odd It's odd It's an odd choice It's a crazy pivot And also, now that I look at it, it does look at it. The guy's rocketing off like the rocketeer with the semen coming out of his ass.

Look, what I think happened is horsemen pulled out that big, phallic-looking thing out of the guy's ass. You see that? Yeah, his dildo. The dildo baton, the horse. It's molded after that horse that raped Mr. Hans to death. That's his backstory. Yes. I mean, that's so funny because I was on a different.

stream and I said horsemen would have been so much more interesting if his backstory was he's the guy from one guy, one horse and he absorbed like an egregious amount of like magical horse come into his colon. Like he survived. Like

he died and then he came back to life and he has the power of the horse that fucked him to death. Like Batman 2, like the movie where when Hallie Barry died and comes back as a cat. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did Hallie Barry get brutally anal-anily raped like that?

I think so. I think so. I don't remember that movie. It might have been. Yeah, that might have been the case. You know what's funny? Last time I was on this show, we talked about Joker 2. We were also talking about anal rape and that one. You can't get away from it because everything's about everything is raped. Even when I'm not getting like, even when I'm not getting metaphorically raped, I turn on TV and somebody's getting ass raped. Somebody's always getting.

at some point. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I saw that you got upset by what's happening in Iran at the moment. What do you think of that whole situation? It's popping off because refresh just happened, right? Dude, I just want it here, man.

I want fucking city hall downtown to start getting lit up by some Tomahawk missiles or whatever. You know? It's interesting that you should say that because what I'm hearing from like the the far right extremists, there's solution to this Zionist occupation, let's call it that. Like, if you listen to guys like Nick Fuentes and stuff,

basically their solution is like vote harder. You know what I'm saying? Is vote harder? Yeah, because he's saying like, I think like Nick Fuentes, he positions himself as like the most extreme guy. And then he says, well, as long as we don't vote on JD Vans,

we can only vote on an America First Party member but politician but that's what Trump was and he defied the you know he defied everybody so much but he's just so good at marketing like Trump Trump's

Trump's amazing at marketing probably the best like he's the best salesman obviously he's the best salesman there ever was he sold himself into the presidency but he's just like a nice fucking boomer at the end of the day like he

he likes liberating He just genuinely likes Israel, I think. Like, all boomers, they just fucking love it. Like, we need, we need somebody in there who's a, who's like a villain, who's a bad guy, like who wants to do bad things, like that Rupert guy. Have you been following Restore Britain? Like, somebody's serious. We need somebody serious.

We need somebody who, in their free time, wasn't running teenage model beauty pageants and selling stakes and gay shit. Like, we need a guy who's, like, in his spare time, like, manufacturing weapons. Like, you know. Look, I agree, but what's going to stop? What's, this just look, the clock is sticking. We're so fucked, right?

I know. And so we're going to vote again? And what's going to stop this politician from just pivoting and just doing the opposite of what he promises? Like, I don't think voting is going to do anything anymore. Well, you know what I'm saying? America has kind of a built-in, uh, a doomsday device, uh, vis-a-vis Mexicans. if you let enough of us in

like if Mexicans vote for long enough and hard enough you will get a socialist dictator out of it so if so I mean that's the good news we kind of can't help it like it's kind of like just part of being Mexican if you let enough of us vote for long enough

we're voting for the guy who's going to round everybody up and kill them and we're going to have about 20 good years 20 good Catholic years of great prosperity and then everything's going to go real bad, real fast. I think that's the future for America. What do you think? You think it? I don't know.

I just hope that this is going to be like a swift attack. They're going to pull out quickly, but it's not going to be another one of these Forever Wars, but I highly doubt it. You know what? I missed the Forever War. I just want. I wish you could go back there. I want more boots on the ground.

I've had a chance to meet veterans since the last time we did a Forever War to see them on Caleb Hammer's show, getting $4,000 a month for their their sprained, their hangnails or whatever. And I think it's time to send them back. Well, Dick, last time we had a Forever War, two spinning rims were around, neon underglow was on cars. Yeah, there was good stuff. Some unhinged shit going on, man.

Yeah. I miss that. I think it's so good back then. Yeah, I don't know. I think this might go on for a long, long time. Did you see Nanyahu? He was announcing that he had a total and utter destruction of Iran today on his feeds. So, you know, pretty cool. They're going to rebuild the, yeah, what's up next? They're going to destroy the dome on the rock probably. They already got the red happers. You've heard of this, right? They got their red cows.

Israel feels like, it feels like I'm playing fallout. Every time I get into Israel, I'm like, Where the fuck did this mythology come from? I never heard it. They've got a red heifer and who has that? There's a dome. There's a third temple. How do we, look, our entire history has just been moving towards them, like, fulfilling this crazy psychopathic Shiloch prophecy.

What do they think happens then? Like Super Jesus comes? What happens at the end of days? That's the opposite of that. It's some kind of a crazy, yeah, some weird desert demons going to be someone that they're going to Thank you for keeping that word alive, Spann. I haven't heard it in quite some time. You know what?

A desert demon or Shylock? Shylock. Yeah, that's a great. You know, okay, you've been following the Epstein stuff, right? Of course, yeah. Isn't it crazy that, so Epstein was his entire, his entire, like, duplicitous, nefarious existence in the world as, like, this global, like, this global super spy was founded by, was, was created by Les. Lex Westner What is it Wexner or Wexner

Lex Wexner Lex Wezner I don't know Who is the Victoria's Secret billionaire Right And he talks often About how he Is constantly haunted

By a Jewish demon He's Jewish and he says His whole life He's had like this demon Following him He's not really You didn't hear about this? No I did not hear about that well

And he's not telling a story He says he really has this Dibbik following him his whole life and it was bad when he was a kid and it makes him do these insane things so like our entire world policy for the last 30 or 40 years has been like basically determined by a schizophrenic

having like an protracted schizophrenic, a billionaire schizophrenic episode um Hey isn't there's like statistically like Jewish guys have like a higher likelihood of schizophrenia as well isn't that the case too? Or am I making? I believe

I believe so, or I might be pulling it out of my ass just like that I saw him cover. But no, yeah. I think that was I think that's a bad. Man, I hope Eric never stops writing comic books. Me neither. It would be so, I mean, please. I mean, I haven't really read any

of them yet, but no. No, not yet. Do you like? I just listen to your review. Do you like black exploitation movies? No, I'm not that big on that, no, but. Imagine if there was a black exploitation movie about an illiterate

writing comic books. That's what it would be basically Petty Wheatstraw, yeah. They're funny because you can kind of like hear him, you can hear Eric

dictating what happens in his comics. Like Michael Bay and South Park. Like when I was listening to your reviewer there's like a while back but it's like just complete nonsensical,

there's like zero ability. He has no basic understanding of story structure or anything. There's no, and then, like there's no deeper theming in there. There's no real point of view. It's just another,

just a superhero that fights bad guys, right? That's it. That's all it's about. So in the third book, in the third book, Isam's parents appear for some reason. Is that still around? Yeah,

that's his superpower. And his mom explained, that the reason they have superpowers is because their family is descended from lepers that Jesus

healed in the year zero yeah so in the so in the third in the third comic book it turns out that Isam gets his his superpowers because his family

his ancient ancestors in the year zero were healed by Jesus Christ of leprosy I mean, that's pretty, that's pretty out there. Because they were the black Israelites, I guess. Oh, yeah, that's what that.

That's like some revisionist history type of stuff. Yeah, yeah, that's pretty cool. It's the most unique thing. Like, I've never heard that. I've never heard that the side effects of Jesus healing people with his magical healing powers made their descendants slightly superpowered. I said, this is the most interesting thing in the book.

And it's like buried, like, not only does it, Not only is it an interesting concept, but it also means that the people in the book have a, have like a definitive knowledge that Jesus Christ was real and that God exists. It should totally change everything they do. It's like Constantine. All of Constantine is unique because he knows God is real. Like everything he does is done to the filter of I know heaven and hell are real. I know I'm going to hell. So it's an interesting character.

But Eric had this totally interesting idea and he just made it like a black guy that. gets in fights that's outside of clubs. Yeah, yeah, of course. It reminds me of that book. You know, Powell Verhoeven, of course, the guy who made Mobile Cobb and Starship Troopers. He wrote a book that was supposed to be his film script about, like, the more historical Jesus, because he's like a Jesus freak, right? Oh, really?

And he wanted to strip it. Yeah, yeah, and he wanted to strip it away of all the mythology, and it was like a more like a realistic, like, subversive take of the Christ's story. It never got made. It got rejected by Hollywood. But there's, so he would go to like these Jesus seminars, like where a bunch of scholars sit there and they kind of like argue about like historical accuracy of the Bible and stuff like that. Wow. But the story, I remember in this book, the story where Christ like puts the kid's ear back on or something like that and he spends the night with the kid in a tent.

Okay. And then basically. He fucked his ear back on? Look, what Paul Verhoeven and these guys at the Jesus seminars. say this. They said it's allegorical for Jesus. This is going to be a lot of people not going to like this. Jesus having gay sex with a 17-year-old boy in a tent.

That it's putting your ear back on. It's like a euphemism for gay sex? Something like that. I got to go put my ear back on, right? I'm going to go to the rest stop and put my ear back on. And maybe when you read it in Hebrew, There's like a lot of funny, like, huns there or something like that. I don't know.

Gay jokes. I don't know the details of this. I read this book like a decade ago. I do recommend it. It's a really good book. I wish they made it into a film. That would have been really awesome. Yeah.

But yeah, that's what it reminded me of. Dude, I went to Israel and the most disappointing, like, first of all, old Jerusalem. Israel is exactly like L.A. It looks exactly like L.A. Except the women are all beautiful, like, you know, extremely beautiful. In L.A., they're all, like, fat and loud. They're loud there, too. But they're awful.

Jerusalem, like, old Jerusalem is a total shithole. It's, it feels like a flea market. They're just selling, like, cheap Chinese crosses and shit all over it. Oh, really? Yeah, the funniest part was I was, I was just walking around, you know, ambling around, taking in all the sites. And there was this, like, you know those, those pieces of, uh, those, those plastic laminated things that you can like put pieces of paper in they go in like a binder they're like

cheap crummy plastic there was one of those and it was zip tied to a fence and on the printout inside the cheap plastic like like trapper keep a thing it said on this very site uh god told abraham to kill his son and he and he did or didn't i forget what the story of that was right here 2 000 years ago and i'm like are you fucking serious like Is this just an unceremonious back alley? Yeah, is this? Who put this here? I think that might have been a scam.

Probably a scam. But there was nobody collecting any money. So what was the scam? I was sitting there trying to figure it out. Like, how can I, huh? Because they got the like the cube over there that Mohammed jumped into space or whatever. Like they got that across the wall. You see the dome under rock?

Because as far as I know their little prophecies, like the next thing that needs to fall, right? That Muslim temple that they built in place of their temple. Oh, that big golden dome. Yeah. So like, like, like, yeah, IDF soldiers have been burring. They love to build tunnels. We all know this, these Jews, right?

So they built like tunnels underneath this, this, this mosque. And they've been like sawing through the foundations, hoping that it collapsed. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to get rid of it. fucking looney tunes bullshit you see the saw coming through the floor then the Ayatollah

yeah yeah but they get caught and get caught he's like get the hell out and like oh yeah they quickly scary did you see the IDF the women soldiers beating the Orthodox Jews

that they had some kind of protest oh fuck it's so funny because the Orthodox guy and in Israel the normal the normal Israelis like resent and hate the orthodox guys because they get shitloads of welfare and they get out of IDF service. Like, I mean, it's kind of funny,

like that Tyler, what is his name, Tyler Oliviera? I had a documentary, yeah. I haven't seen it yet, but I saw some of the clips, yeah. He did a documentary on a town in the U.S. That's all Orthodox Jews and how they're like... It's in Jersey, right? Yeah, in Jersey.

And how they're just like, they vote in, like just shit loads of welfare for themselves, right? And he's getting called anti-Semitic, but I know enough that our Israelis know this. In Israel, they have the same, they have a much harsher view of the Orthodox guys because they do the same shit over there. And they get, similarly, they get away with it. But there was an Orthodox protest, and they're all wearing their hats and stuff. So the IDF got sent in. And because they can't touch women, they sent in only their female soldiers.

So the women are running around with batons Trying to beat them and they can't be touched or else they're going to hell So they're like booking it like they're like running away from the women Tripping over themselves and the women are you know Running around back and forth trying to beat them Like it's like flat like smear the queerism It's really funny Although I'll say it is whenever I see an Orthodox Jew day always are in that mode

Is where I just oh yeah they're always seemed like in a confused oh they're always like panic-y panic walking everywhere you know what's wrong with them they're so they're so panic these guys relax dude everything's okay what do you think's gonna happen in iran do you think we're gonna have another 20 year war no it's probably gonna go a lot quicker and more efficient i think there hasn't there doesn't seem to be much retaliation at this point i saw a bomb drop in dubai which sucks for dubai since fucks up their entire infrastructure

nobody's going to go back to the buy at this point so they're fucked they still are the horse okay in Dubai? Who was okay over there? The whores? Did they get any of the whores in the missile strike? Oh, yeah. You had to shit in their mouths and stuff like that? Yeah.

I don't know. Hopefully. Hopefully they're still okay. But yeah, I don't know. I think, look, again, again, it's this Jewish prophecy, right? So they murdered the cows. They got the red herffer. They sprinkled the ashes.

So the next step is to rebuild the temple for which that mosque needs to fall down first. And then when they rebuilt the temple, That's when Satan can come sit in his throne and the true Jewish king returns to the earthly realm. Just let him do it. Like just let them, you know, stop fighting it. Let them do it. Yeah. We're a Jewish accelerationist or we just, come on, can't Satan already come so we can get this over with?

Yeah, let him do it and then Satan won't come. We're like, okay, now what? You know? Let's do some collective therapy. Like that's, yeah, we've got to talk them through it. you spent all this time building up to fucking this yeah yeah so where's the guy where's Satan he's not coming yeah you're waiting for the great pumpkin over here he ain't coming yeah he's not coming well what if the great pumpkin came though he might be coming actually he might actually

become he might actually be creating a silicon Satan that's another thing you were talking about legs wessner talking about uh about being haunted by demons but yeah what's the guy again that does Open AI, he also was talking about like ancient Sumerian demons. So Tim Dillon did a little bit about that today. Yeah. Which is true. Because if you think about it, I've thought about this for a while, right? If you have hypothetically like unlimited computational quantum core fucking computers, okay?

And you create this silicon intelligence that could exponentially just increase its intelligence until it just like becomes this lovecraft. Ferdritch. You know what I'm saying? Eldridge. Yeah. But I think, but look, at that point, it would break out of the confines of whatever a computer is and it could just rewrite the code of reality. You know what I'm saying?

No, I don't know what you're saying. It's gibberish. It's artist gibberish. Well, trust me, it makes a lot of sense. Yeah. I think what I'm very much. saying is I don't think something like this will be confined to like a disc

I think it could figure a way out into our reality. Like in Star Trek when Moriarty escapes. I don't watch that fucking gay globalist propaganda shit. Next generation was not globalist. How dare you? Next generation was about America

taking over the entire universe. Bacist. Picard and Riker. White is motherfucker. They were actually the dark ones data was wider than them. He was almost translucent. Who was pulling the strings at

Star Command, though? Was it a David, Star of David Command? Yeah. I think it was. You see? I think it was. They put the cool white guys front line and center in their

felt little tight suits, but behind the scenes. you know no I think every time I see those AI guys talk about it I'm like this is just like it's just like people

people opening the fridge and the light turns on and like let me tell you why this light turned on like no I just because of the computer it's because it knows I use AI a lot like a lot a lot a lot it's

I don't know I don't think it's gonna be I don't think it's gonna I don't think it's going to be like a thinking thing. I think it's going to take a major hardware innovation. Upgrade. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too. That's what I'm saying.

Once you have like quantum computing and stuff like that, that's when it's really going to pop off. But I would say, too, I'm using it way too much. What are you getting dumber? Yeah. It's basically my personal assistant. You know what I'm saying? I go to the doctor.

I feed it all my medical information. hey, can you give me the best supplement stack? Here's my bank stuff. Can you figure out what is my spending like? Am I doing it? That's basically what I use it for. But I saw statistics that like 90% of people use it for companionship. Dude, can you believe that?

That's honestly unbelievable. That's got to hit like Indian romance scammers the hardest. It's got to be a lot harder for them to like dupe old people into thinking like Brad Pitt is interested in them. Send Claude after India. Oh, we can scam the scammers. Yeah, good one. I think the technology innovation is going to come in

figuring out how to give a computer a penis. Because that really is what that is really what drives the thinking and the evolution in thought. And not so much. Oh, I see. And not so much the, not so much the brain. It's the having

the penis is what got it there. Like it needs to have a motivation beyond. A motivation to replicate itself? Yeah. And to just, you know, be like, have some aura and riz and swagger. It makes sense. Because to be a man, you must have honor and a penis.

Yeah. I think much sooner we're going to see computers with vaginas. I think there's a lot more market value in that. You know what I'm saying? I think a lot of guys are going to be to fuck their computers pretty soon. They're too heavy, though. Have you ever had one of those sex dolls?

Have you ever fucked a sex doll? A real doll? That's what I call my regular girlfriends, but so in that sense, yes. But a poppet? No, I'm not. I tried, but I threw my back out. It's like 120 pounds.

I tried moving it one time and fucked myself. That was a, it's heavier shit, man. So I had this real doll, a friend of mine who was a set designer and he had a real doll from a set from a set of something, I don't know what, some kind of HBO show brought it over, he gave it to me

when they were done, and I had it in the studio for a while. When he was done with it? Yeah, and he was, he's gay, so he didn't. So it's okay. It's virginal still. But I'd have it out for parties and you know, people would laugh at it and fuck with it and slap the tits around and stuff. And the women would always like,

yeah, the women were always abuse it. would like brand the fingers and put it in fucked up positions and stuff so gradually over time all the skin broke apart and got all fucked up and it became a burden so I uh my girlfriend and I drove it to the dump to get rid of it we were throwing a bunch of stuff away we drove with the dump first I threw her in um and we we threw it off and we were getting these I got in the back of the truck and threw it out and I was getting these weird looks from these guys driving past Yeah, this isn't like a dead body. Like you looked at the pile of trash I dumped out and there was like a leg sticking out

and like a remnants of a wig sticking out. I was like, I wonder if they think I'm dumping a body here. Dumped the wrong one. So chipper about it. Yeah, and your DNA is all over it and in it. Yeah. You need to be careful with that kind of stuff. You know what I'm saying?

You enjoy it. Put her ears back on. What's going on with your comic? Butch Killingen 3 Butch Killingen 3 Yeah, it's going really well We launched a couple of days ago We're now

We surpassed 250 backers At this moment in time Like a little bit over 18K I think But yeah I would love for people That are listening To support the campaign

I have a omnibus version Right now available Which yeah It's a premium hardcover That collects all three volumes Into one BIC 376 pager. And it's only 50 bucks right now

on the campaign. So if you buy three books, it's 90, this one, this hardcover only 50 bucks. Retail is going to be 70. So yeah, if you ever were on the fence and thinking about getting Butch Gilligan, this would be the time to do it. What happens in this one? It's good stuff?

It's good stuff happening. Ooh. Eyes out on the cover. He looks all jacked up. He's fucked up. Yeah, he gets a little fucked up in this. So, look, progressively, Butch gets stripped away more and more of his identity in this. So first, I should say, these three volumes, it's basically if there was a movie of Butch Killingen, this would be the first movie, you know? It's arc one is complete.

Okay. So the first arc is done now, okay? The whole setup. So we got the meet Butch Killing and Book 1, some of the characters. Book 2 is like the descent. He wakes up from a coma after his wife has been taken from him. And he has to deal with this new creative. crazy cyberpunk neoliberal degenerate society.

And now in his third book, he, well, he gets stripped away further. The first half of the book, he's basically completely naked. There's like a big, you know,

those fight scenes? I always used to love those, like, Jackie Chan films. Yeah. Where he has, like, use props to, like, fight off guys, but also cover up his junk.

So Butch is fighting a bunch of these thugs, future cyberpunk thugs, but they're insects, rights activists. Okay. And this whole store, has like bug-based products, like funny little products. And yeah, so Butch is fighting with them and he has to cover up his junk.

But yeah, basically, this is the conclusion of the first arc. A lot of the characters that people are asking for make their return in this book. And we get to know a lot more about this, this, this drug, this spore that's basically is responsible for the disappearance of his wife. And he got infected with it. So that's why the subtitle of the book is Ainted Faines. Oh. Is it an AIDS metaphor? Is it a metaphor for AIDS?

It's a drug? No, it's not. No, it's not. Spore is this, well, I can't really, I didn't think about this. You can't give it all away. You got to read the book. No, because it's pretty complex, actually, this sport thing. Yeah, it's the only drugs that are still illegal and, like, ran by, like, the underworld in this universe. All other drugs have become legalized.

So everybody's stone. Everybody's fucked up all the time. yeah it's a complete degeneracy to his future you know yeah I don't think people can handle legal drugs I really don't no way

I mean there's just I can I thought everyone could and they really can't no way fucking can't no there's just libertarian idea where it's like, yeah, we just need to

legalize everything. But yeah, if you want to know what that ends up like, you should leave Witch Gilligan. No, I've seen what it ends. Butch Gilligan is like a survival guide for the modern age. You know, by the way, Butch Gilligan also is the only cis white male left in this entire universe. Oh, he's the only man.

The only white man left. It's the only white guy left. What happened to the rest of them? They get killed? Can't spoil it. You can't spoil it. You bought. No, I can't spoil. There's something that happens in this year. Okay, I can give me what it is. Okay.

The whole environment is covered by like an ad-ridden dome. There's like constant stupid ads playing in the sky blocking out the sun. And let's just say when you block out the sun, the harmful UV rays that kind of like affects the female gestation period. And it might have an effect on birth rates. Ah. I see. Yeah. Man, I had a son.

Did you know that? I had a baby. Oh, yeah, I heard that. Congratulations. How are you doing? Dude, he's great. He's a little fucker. I got to tell you, though, when we learned he was a boy and not a girl, I was like, oh, thank

fucking God. Yeah. Yeah. He's got blue eyes, though. Isn't that amazing? That's cool. Neither me or my wife has blue eyes. You got blue eyes.

Oh. Blue eyes brown hair. All right. Yeah. it's nice. White, he got the white Dian. I know an Austrian painter who had that combination. You know what?

When he came out, I said, no fucking way. There he is. He's back. There is we not to look. No fucking way. How did that happen? Uh-oh. You got a regular girlfriend?

Are you saying? You know, on and off. You're in there, you know? I got divorced at the end of 2025, I had a divorce. You got a divorce? Yeah. How does that work in

Amsterdam? I mean, it was it was just an arduous, horrible experience, basically. I got so much shit that happened at the end. Dayland of 2025, I got a divorce. I also found out that I have like hemacromatosis, which is like this weird northern European

like blood disease basically, which means that you have crazy amounts of iron in your blood. The normal amounts of iron in your blood are supposed to be 50 feratin. I had 1,050. So I have to go through lobotomies regularly to just dump out my blood.

Then my beloved is outside. Then you just, a lot of horrible stuff. You can like, you can eventually get like organ failure, but it's like your joints get stalked because like the iron gets stuck in your joints and shit with that. So I'm still dealing with that. Then my pet died and I got into a motorcycle accident that all happened within like the span of like three months. You still riding a motorcycle? That's dangerous. That's the young people. I am. Well, it's technically, they call it motorbike here, but it's technically like a big scooter that I drive like in Aprilia. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why did you get divorced? But yeah, I got to do... Because bipolar disorder is psycho bitch, you know what I'm saying? Fucking complete cunt bitch, psycho. Why'd you get married? What do you mean? You found this out while you were married?

You thought you'd try that out, you know what I'm saying? You try it out, you don't marry it, Sven. Give love a chance, you know what I'm saying? Everything's going to work out. But turns out love is not real. It's completely transactional. And women have zero accountability. Women have zero accountability.

They're terrible creatures. They just view you as a utility. Yeah, that's Satan. That's who comes out of the fucking temple. When they kill the red effort, just women walk out. Like, oh, she's expected that. Oh, shit. That's what it was all along, huh?

Yeah. They gave in to that snake's temptation at first. I feel that snake must have been a woman, too. God damn, there's a rainstorm. happening if that's being picked up on the mic right now. No, not at all. Oh, okay. Yeah, women talking to each other into into bad ideas. That sounds about right. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. The misery loves company. So it's over. Your divorce is over. In America, divorces can take, you know, years. This is like six months ago, but yet seems to be over at this point. Yeah. There's still some

a little bit of like straggling little things. But yeah, yeah, I'm on the other side of that. You know, I'm like having a pretty good time now, actually. I'm really enjoying myself. Oh, that's good. That's, uh, yeah. That's nice. Yeah, that is good. I feel like I might start to enjoy myself again.

Any, any day now. Look, it's all about the journey. Any day now. You're never going to reach, you're never going to reach that moment of happiness. You just need to make it. You know what I'm saying? Every day. Little, little tiny moments of happiness.

There's never going to be a state. There's never going to be a state of happiness you're going to achieve. I just need like 10 minutes here and there. If I could get a nice 10 minutes here and there. That's all I need. That's all I need. Yeah, that's all you need.

What else is happening? What else is happening? Besides the end of Earth, besides complete and utter, yeah, the parasite is completely hollowing out the United States, becoming stronger as soon as going to cut off its host and then become the global power. Do you guys have like a restore Britain for you guys over there?

I feel like it's kind of coming back swinging the other way. Look, the right wing in Europe has also been completely subverted by Zionism. You know what I'm saying? So in the Netherlands, you had like the anti-Islam party by Hecht Wilders. You might have heard this guy. Yeah, yeah. Like Milo Yanopoulos and stuff like that. Oh, yeah.

Twinks for Trump. Stuff like that. That whole shit, 2016 stuff. That what happened with that guy? So, finally, so basically the entire, like, Dutch right wing underbelly to regular people, they voted him into power recently. And then he just didn't do anything. He didn't close the borders.

He didn't, like, exit to EU. Dude, what the fuck? Anything. Didn't do shit. Okay. So then the cabinet collapsed. Yeah. the government collapsed.

And now we literally have a communist fucking government in place. They're taxing 36. First of all, our prime minister now is a gay guy. He's gay. And they're taxing 36% on unrealized gains. Oh, that's right.

That was you guys. Oh, my God. So you're fucked. Your country's... No, not me. Because I don't live there anymore. I live in... But the country is just fucked, right?

The country's fucked. country's done. God, that's devastating. You know what else I learned recently is how many, like, how many old ancient things that we just associate with Islam now used to be Christian like buildings. Practices. Yeah, yeah.

It's like they've all been slowly taken over. And now it feels like Europe is definitely done or is being gradually taken over to in the same way. It's like, yeah, that's, you know, Europe, the beautiful Muslim country is going to be soon enough. Yeah, but look, so if you're, if you believe in accelerationism, and I kind of do, I think the whole bread and circus, I think bread and circus is the thing that needs to go. Once that falls away, people have no choice.

Once, once the Netflix servers go off and the prizes skyrocket to a certain degree, people will pick up the pitchforks. Well, that's what the war is. The war is a thing. Yeah, go ahead. the upper class like entrepreneurs you're all going to be leaving the netherlands so what you're going to be left with it is a middle class that's just going to be paying for fucking foreigners for fucking Arabs and blacks and social housing for these people that's not going to you can't maintain that for too long and then maybe there's going to be an opportunity for true like a true like right wing populism but people need to wake up to the jewish question when it comes to that because there's no point i mean it's just All right. All right.

All right. We went a minute past 45. Isn't it always, always a minute past 45. It's always at 43 minutes. Always. That's always what it happens. Minute 46. I fucking said it.

It's literally 1.46 right now. It's true. You cannot vote for a right wing guy that has because they had the Dutch flag and Israeli flag in his, in his office. And you just can't vote for people like that anymore. It needs to be Netherlands first, America first. Europe first, not also Israel. I want to work together. I give up.

I want to work together with Israel. I want Israel to do for us. It would be nice. What they did for themselves. It would be really nice. I'm down. Greater Israel? 100%, but we got to have greater America too.

Let's do them both. But that means that Israel, they need to stop being so scared. They need to actually be a little bit more grateful for the things that we've done and actually become true allies and not through the subversive way. Look, then it's fine by me. I didn't give a shit of them being like a dictator's shape in the desert. Absolutely. I'm proud.

But I need... You know what I'm saying? Stop, Stop putting... I need my country back. I need my country back. I need one trillion dollars shaved off the... Saved off the budget every year.

I need there to be no taxes under $500,000. I need these things. All I need is for them to stop sending all the refugees over to Europe. That would be great. Just make a big refugee camp. Then I'm cool with it. I didn't give a shit. they can do whatever the fuck they want.

I don't give a fuck. Just stop sending refugees and take them all back. Yeah, I can take them all back. Somebody take them back or else. Can you make that deal? You know? It'll be fine by me. Just make a refugee, just like the Americans did with like Liberia.

Just make a refugee country somewhere over there. I don't think we ever got, I don't think we ever really got through with that plan. I think we did it halfway. Something happened. It didn't really work out. It didn't really work out. No, it half worked. Something got in the way.

Wait, what happened there exactly? I saw a documentary about this is just really funny, but... I think was it the Civil War? Is that what stopped for that plan? Okay, Sven, plug your thing. Get out of here. Oh, so I mentioned a JQ and now all of a sudden, the whole mood change? You got to go.

That's it. You're done. You've had enough. I think you've had enough. A lot of people now are really excited about getting in on this Butch-Gilligan campaign. Can you please go check out the campaign, Butch Killingen 3 and the Ark 1 complete omnibus, only 50 Buccournys right now during the campaign month.

That's about it. Thank you guys for having. That's great, man. I'm glad to see that your number three is coming out. I knew a guy that tried to make a comic and it's still not out. It's still not out. What's the hardest part? What's the hardest part of making a comic?

Look, making comics is actually really fun. You know what I'm saying? And I do it all. He just wrote the thing. I wrote it. I draw everything fucking page I do all the promotion

I do everything I think it would have been easier if Vito had drawn it I think it'd be out you think so what's the problem with him it's just like perfectionism or something like that

or just a fear of like failure or what is it like I think the first draft I think he pushed the first draft he didn't cut he didn't make substantial cuts to the first draft and then the first draft

got turned into art and it's not as good as he's imagined as he imagined it. So he started tweaking and changing small things. But at that point, it's, you know, it is what it is. Once it's out of the draft stage, if you don't make substantial cuts to the draft, then that's what it is and you just have to deal with it. But I think he's stuck in like the let's, maybe I can tweak this, change this line and it'll have like more emotional weight, but it just doesn't work that way. Just put it out.

It's enough. You need to just release it, release it, and move on to the next one, and to the next one, you know what I'm saying? You can't just keep hammering. It's never going to be perfect, ever. You know what I'm saying? You're always going to have that sense of like, oh, this could have been better, but who gives a fuck?

Nobody's going to notice that. You know what I'm saying? 90% of people are not going to notice. Excuse me? We're in the who gives a fuck stage. Yeah, yeah. Released a goddamn book. I released three.

How many pages is a super killer? I don't know. 50? Mine is my, each one of my books is 120 pages, okay? And I release three of them. God damn. Are you going to animate anything from it? Dude, have you been using, do you use like AI like Emily Usis?

Like with her, um, Will St. I've been talking to Emily Yucas about it actually. See, yeah, we've, I'm, I'm going to be talking to Emily Yucas soon on my stream as well. And I kind of am interested in like figuring out a good artist pipeline. The problem with these tools is that artists, quote, unquote artists are like widely rejecting AI. Oh, they're stupid. There's no point. They're really retarded, you know what I'm saying?

I've done a, you know, American man, right? You follow American man? I love America man, but you know, I love America man, but he's also got that, like, I can tell, like, they're going to fucking nuke American man. They're going to, he's too much. He's just, he's just like, it's like, it's like there's like the, there's like the great filth, the nuke wall and stone toss is like right up against the nuke and American Man is right up against the nuke wall on the other side.

I don't know how I could tell, but I hope he survives, but... Look, I hope American Man survives. I think we can get away with it because it's like, it's layered satire. Like, American Man in and of itself is like, like, like, American Man is like a lovable kind of character. You know, he's like a, just naive boomer core guy. He loves civil rights. He was like brought up by TV. You know what I'm saying?

Brought by TV. So he's actually anti-racist and stuff like that. But yeah, there's very edgy subject matter in the in the American Man comics, obviously. Because when you do this kind of satire, it cannot, you can't hold anything back, which I obviously have not done. It's actually just the way you draw minorities that I think we'll get it. Get it killed. I'll tell you this.

I tell you this. When I was doing like specifically the black caricatures, I'm like giggling to myself. I'm like, sure. You can tell in the art that you think it's hilarious. I'm like, this is too far, this is too far. And then I'm like, no. Like, if I hold back on this, like it defeats the purpose, I need to go as far as possible. Yeah, yeah.

So I'm fighting myself, by the way, okay? I'm when I'm making this, I'm fighting my own self-s. Yes, I'm fighting my own self-censorship. I could have made those lips bigger. Oh, oh, I sold out. I should have made him this bit. Yes. Yes.

That really is close to the. truth. I know. Really is sort of... You know what I'm saying? But yeah, I've done some cartoons for it too, you know? You have? Some animation with like AI assistance and frame interpolation and stuff like that.

But it's not completely there yet. Things would have been a lot more smoother if it was like more widely accepted and where you can interface properly and you can have more like second to second decision making. But we're going to get there sooner. later, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's getting, it's getting, the pipelines are getting really smooth. Emily, this shit Emily makes is amazing. She's so good. She's amazing. Even like before AI, like that big epic video she made about her character, Alpha Alpha, Alpha. Really, really good. She's like insane. She's really, she's really great and they're really talented, yeah.

Amazing cans too. Let's not forget. Huge jugs. Yeah, let's forget about that. That's not entirely unimportant. Remarkable. Remarkable. Didn't need to do any of it. Amazing. Supple swangers is what I would call. Didn't even need to turn on a computer. You know? Right. With those jags. And yet here she is. Perfectly fine. Resisting.

Here she is. Yes. It makes it more impressive. The accomplishments. Yeah, isn't it? It's kind of crazy how that works. Yeah. Shout out to Emily Yucas. Yeah. She's doing the really great job. She's gone extremely viral with that Will Stanssel show. Yeah, I haven't seen the Christmas episode yet because it got like, it never showed up. And then I saw that it got

banned because she's talking about Alex Carp or something, Palantir. Oh, shit. Oh yeah. I don't think I've seen that one either yet. No, I haven't seen that either yet. You got to go watch it. Yeah, but let's say, I hate that you put this idea into the ether of American man potentially getting nude because I really don't want that to happen. I don't want it to happen either. Okay, okay, okay. It's not going to

happen, please. By the way, people can go to Americanmen.com as well. They can, there's like a little subscription thing there. We can support a comic. You get like a VIP access. People can vote on new heroes.

Do you Canada Man's awesome when they're like, a good job today. We can go get fixed up in my free health care. And then he goes and it's like a, he's waiting in a line of like 60 Indians at the hospital. Yeah, he's beating out slowly. Yeah. People are really upset that Canada Man is

perpetually walking on his ice skates. They get really mad at that. He has ice skates on and it's walking on concrete. I'm like, yeah, yes. Canadian spotted, man. It reminds me of like early comics with like space moose and shit when people were just making comics.

You know what? It's fun. You know what I'm saying? That's what comics are supposed to be. They're supposed to be entertaining and fun and edgy too. You know what I'm saying? I'm a big believer in edge. When people don't wear an American man shirt. Because he doesn't look like it doesn't look like anything. It's like a cool

looking guy. I know. Looks like Lanchpad and quack. I'll I'll, when I launch the next merch line, I'll come on this show

to promote the American men shirts. Oh yeah, good. Cool. Okay. All right. You got to read Isom, dude.

You got to read when he's the descendant of someone who's healed by Jesus Christ. Fuck it. I'm going to do it. I'll do a review, a live review on my stream of Isom 2.

Isom 3. Awesome. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Isom, dude. This is fucking sucks. Dude, this whole indie industry is just such garbage.

Nobody's even like, yeah. I know. Like, they're just emulating whatever, like, the mainstream has been doing is just such uninspired fucking garbage. Do we really need another superhero fighting bad guys without a real point of view, without any subtexts or any, they're not even subverting anything, not innovating anything, they're not saying anything. There's no edge to it.

It's just horseshit. It's just complete bullshit. It's like shit that they thought up. Like I thought this up when I was 10 and read Batman for the first time. It's like, all right, well, don't make it. We don't need any of this. If I was dictator, I would eliminate 90% of the indie comic sphere. We'll do it.

When the Mexicans are in control, when we get Rubio in there, we get Rubio in there? It's going to be a prosperous era of Dragon Ball Z. It's going to be a prosperous era. Oku everywhere. Sylvester the cat. It's already here, right? Airbrush, tweedybirds on things. Airbrush, Tweetybirds on things.

Fat bitches, everywhere. The national anthem will change to the do-do-do-do-do-do-d-ranchero music. National anthem is going to be when I hear music by Debbie Deb. Uh-huh. Selina will be on the $5,000 bill.

It's going to be beautiful when we take over. Sounds really good. Sounds awesome. Maybe I should do Mexican. Mexico man next. Oh yeah. What would his deal be? I'm probably really lazy guy.

Look, here's the thing I have to look into because it is. They are stereotypes. They're like archetypes, right? So America man is a like anthropomorphic like a person person, personification of like the current American zeitgeist. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Mexico is just cartels. It's just like a gangland. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He'd be like a Cholo gangbanger type of guy probably. Yeah, the guy standing on the burned out Waymo flying the American flag in the middle of L.A. during the riots, that's Mexico, man. I made a comic about that, actually. Oh, you did?

That guy's actually already in an American man comic, yeah, where he's burning American man's America car, his American mobile. He's burning it. He doesn't represent like what Mexico thinks it is, though. I don't know what Mexico thinks it is, though. I don't know what Mexico thinks it is. No. What is that guy that goes, Jesus Christ? And he's like pop locking, like that Cholo guy. Oh, I like that guy. Fuck, yeah.

I know who you're talking about. Jesus Christ. Big Mike, I think. Big Mike. God, what the fuck? Yeah. He was OG Cholo internet kind of stuff. Now he got Fuzgawn Wild.

You got all these huge pages just like really embracing it. Yeah. No, serving Mike. That's his name is serving Mike. Mexican. Mexico man needs to be pop-locking, I think. He needs a 6xL white t-shirt that goes down to his shoes. Yeah, that's cool.

You don't have those out there probably, but look up the little homies. Oh, homies. Do you have homies? Homies. There were these little rubber action figures you could get in gumball machines. Oh, dude, they're amazing. But there's every Mexican stereotype you could possibly imagine. Yeah.

Those look awesome, actually. They are awesome. Great. Yeah. I have a lot. No, they're killer. You get him out of the little gunball machines at supermarkets. Yeah, so if you need some inspo, there you go.

But look, look, he also needs to be superhero. So maybe he should have like some day-or-dead stuff happening or like a luchador mask, probably something like that. Right. He needs to be masked hero type of guy too. But yeah, that looks, this looks pretty cool. Maybe it's a woman. Oh. No, but you can't be fat in the superhero.

Girl. Japan Chan's going to be a woman. I hope that she wins in the next voting round. Because I need a big-titted anime girl to sell this goddamn property, you know what I'm saying? Good luck. It does really go. We all need that. I regret not having put some kind of a big tit character in Butch Gilligan, front line, and center, because those books sell really well. If you scroll through the Kickstarter campaigns, it's all big stuff. Just put some chick with huge tits on the cover. Who cares? I did for butch killing and speed I was like I need okay we're gonna make this hostage a big

titty anime girl yeah I did all right now I'm gonna check it out yeah check it out good luck thank you guys so much for having yeah see you guys next time

all right do you do uh that guy's fun that was awesome okay we almost had to cut it short because his because it was horrible

comments. It was almost time on the caller right there. Didn't I tell you 43 minutes? That's how long that's how long it can go. Once I saw 146 of the clock I was like, ooh, yep. I'm going to put a counter in here. Right pass. We need one of those like buttons. It's like, oh.

Like a shot clock. Yeah. So I can watch it. Oh! Here we go. Bush Killing 3. Okay. Damn, 50 bucks for three books, for the whole Omnibus? That's great. 360 pages? That's a shit ton of pages. By weight. That's a deal.

And by one guy, too. AJ says atoning for Quirkchungus sins. Hey boys, after Dick talked about how I used to be into curling, I was forced to reflect on my own past quirk chungis sins. Do you have any suggestions for how to atone? Is there an indulgence that I can purchase?

Please help me maintain the path of a serious man. That's a difficult question. Well, here's, because I got that same email And it occurred to me right now after hearing you read it back Because when I got the email I was like Feeling a sense of pride right like you know what that's good But now that you're hearing it it sounds a little

That sounds chungacy Why do you need to tell us? Why do you talking about indulgences and all this Catholicism shit? You're making a mockery You're quick chungicing your apology Yeah So You may as well have just started off with I'm gay and autistic

and here is my, and this is how I talk. You might as well have started, put a folks in there and put a Harry Potter reference in there and said FML. Oh, that's, I think it's just growing up, I guess. It's called the repent and sin no more. You left off the sin no more part. You repented, that's fine. But just don't do that.

What were your past quirk chunga sins? probably the sandwich one I don't know I think that's you go through life and you get really into music when you're a teenager and then really into movies and stuff and then another round comes around and you're like that was gay

all that stuff's gay, who cares? I never got the movies thing I got the music thing and it's confirmed just the gayest lame as shit you could ever imagine and you say I don't care about this crap pretty much

Jeremy Kourowski says run this audio through a fucking encoder finally. Jesus Christ, audio engineer my ass. I don't know what he's, do you know what he's talking about? Oh, probably because the audio feed, the podcast version is different than the video feed. Oh, yeah, sorry about that. You just get raw audio on this one, dog. Yeah, well.

You should dark side of the moon it, dude, start the video and then start the audio version at the same time. You can sync it up to this. There. Yeah. But you have to come all the way to the very end of the show, sink it, and then restart it. Yeah. Man, I'm excited about that. AI stuff of those guys making cartoons.

That'll be cool. That'll be cool. Michael Perry says, I can't imagine I'm the only guy this happens to. When my wife folds laundry, she puts everything into a single pile. So when you put the clothes away, you have to do it one article at a time.

What? When I fold clothes, I do it with efficiency because I've other shit to do. All the shirts go in a pile, underwear, and another, etc. So that I'm putting them in drawers takes 10 seconds. I think your wife hates you.

She's doing it on purpose to ruin your day. It's either that or she's an idiot. So... Which one do you choose? Which one do you think? Which way, Western man? Does she do a lot of idiotic things?

Then idiot. If she usually does not do idiotic things, then... She's either really funny or a real big pain in the eye. Not that the two are mutually exclusive, but... Then she's fucking with you. A woman

versus a zipper. I just learned that the mother of my children, solid seas, thinks it's logical to zip your fly first and button last. Zip your fly up first, then button last? I guess if you're a woman, because their pants are so tight. Well, they're trying to stuff their stomach into their pants.

Right, like a corset. Right. That's what it is, yeah. They're phupas. It's like trying to squeeze out the last bit of toothpaste, right? Yeah, so it's different. I hope she doesn't teach my son this Markey.

Well, he's not. He's got a weiner. So his pants are going to be totally different. You should just tell him once. Yeah. Button it and then zip it. Don't ever listen to your mother about anything. Make sure you teach him.

It's a teaching moment. It's a natural instinct. I've never once thought, you know, I should zip. I've never thought about it. I just put my pants on it and go by my day. Have you ever thought about chopping your penis? I guess I have thought about that. Oh, this son of a bitch got me in trouble again.

Just chop this goddamn. nothing off. Shit. Then I would stop thinking, though. See, I'm more of like a walk in front of a bus, guy. Here, coming down sunset. Kill your penis by jumping in front of a bus. Exactly, yeah.

I'll get you, penis. I do think that the thinking computer is going to need some kind of robot penis before, instead of more robot brains. Well, I think, well, because Sven brought it up, 90% of AI is used for, like, companionship. That's crazy. So you're going to get this giant empathy bot, this false empathy bot instead of some maniacal. Like it'll be vicious in like a different way, I think. But that's like worthless.

That's like the most. Right. It's just people going to psych themselves out and fall for it. Like that guy who. But I'm saying like the most, the least productive you can be is just interacting with another person for companionship. Like it's funny that the computer's being used for what is the most pointless. task a bunch of, you know. You have a nice phone call?

Do you have a nice conversation? Never once. Love it. Who likes having big conversations? Yeah. There's people who read books for fun, and then there's, like, technical manual reading. Like, I'd rather read the thing that's going to give me the knowledge to go about my day.

To do something. Hey, Dick, I've recently discovered a term that eludes women, despite them confidently saying it. Is elude spelled with an... I think elude is spelled with an E. Uh, this version. I have on multiple occasions heard women using shotgun wedding, but not in the way that it should be.

My fiancé has used it to describe any white trash wedding. I guess it's because of redneck stereotypes with guns, any white trash wedding. On another unrelated event, I was listening to John Brakes Bad News video, and a woman that he was breaking bad news to said she didn't want her wedding to become a shotgun wedding

because of some contention between her and another woman. Oh, violent? Oh. John had to explain to her that's not what a shotgun wedding is. I'm writing in the hopes that other dickheads

have noticed this phenomenon or at least keep an eye out for it. Go fuck yourself. For whatever reason, people use whatever to mean whatever. and if you correct them on it,

they lose their mind. It has become like the words mean what I want them to mean to me. Words are just things you say with your mouth that have no context. Whatever the context it was when I decided to say it, that's what the meaning is. Well, it's because that's how you talk to women, right?

You just say it. It's like you're talking to a dog. They tell the tone of voice, not necessarily the words. Yeah. You know they need both? Dogs? If you say... That's an improvement.

That's an improvement on women. At least you can talk to a dog. Dogs aren't going to hold it against you for six months to the rest of your life either. That's an improvement. Really is man's best friend. Holy shit. Shut up, bitch. Oh, that's so nice.

You dumb asshole, you threw up on the carpet again? Ah, well. The dog will also have a sense of remorse. Both dogs and women fake that But at least dogs will At least they need both the words And the tone to match You watch reality TV for

Five minutes And The things they say make Absolutely no sense Like that doesn't mean that Have you ever seen Summerhouse? No I was forced into watching it

Because I had clients who would just like During our lunch breaks We'd sit there and turn on the computer fucking this shitty reality TV and I was like you guys what the fuck is going on here by the end of like episode four throughout the course

of the few months we're working together I was like this is some of the funniest shit I've ever seen because it was basically a bunch of like rich people all in one house and then the drama was just supposed to kind of come from that at least from my understanding of it but then there's this one guy

who always gets shit-faced and so to me I'm like wait a second this show is about this is the only real guy on the show and every everyone else is trying to impede his bad time. Dude. So I kept watching that and, dude,

he'd get super fucking drunk and start crying and then do Coke for like four days straight and then not eat and then just go off on these. And I'm like, that guy's cool. That guy's awesome. That guy's great. Yeah, that's the only real part of this show.

But yeah, reality TV is fucked, man. You just reminded me of this. This is somebody sent this in. It's a kid, a kid on the news talking about being stabbed. Have you seen this? Oh, you got to watch this. You've fucking got to watch.

watch this. Fucking betrayal. Okay, here it is. It's a kid with, it's a kid, a teenager with his mom on the news, and he's getting interviewed about being stabbed in the neck. Awareness, as they call it. I mean, I think, yeah, but I don't think you should have to be like that, you know? Like, it's kind of dumb. He's okay.

That's the little, that's the, that's the, that's the. teenager. He's got his arms crossed, gigantic gauze pad on his neck. Here. Lori, mom, I bet you are protective mama girl. Yes. Of course. Of course. I mean, he was only 11 feet away from me when this happened. It's definitely horrifying. And he's had nightmares. We don't know. He's like, He's 11 who saw everything as well. Seeing his brother's neck split open.

You know, there might be some trauma. Dude, that's the real guy. She's on reality TV, and that's the real guy, right? You know what's fucking crazy? Dude, a long-ass time ago on like, I think it was Good Morning America. They brought in this kid who was, was kind of like a little bit retarded. But then the story was

is the kid from the football team made friends with this quiet kid. So then the whole thing, like there's these cackling fucking harpies and the whole thing is they're standing around. So when you had no friends, what was it like when the popular? And so they're just railroading this fucking retarded kid.

Yeah, making fun of them. Yeah. And then one of them has a song. And I swear to God, like Kelly Rippo comes out on stage and starts fucking singing about like, your life sucked and then this kid came along and made your life better and now that you have friends and a purpose in life and this kid sitting there's like loser fucking like i'll find that and bring that in because that was same kind of shit it's like what the fuck i probably watched this a thousand times choice awareness as they call it i mean i think yeah but

i don't think you should have to be like that you know like it's kind of dumb why is he fucking Lori Mom, I bet you are protective mom of course, of course. I mean, he was only 11 feet away from me when this happened, maybe 12 feet. It's absolutely horrifying. And he's had nightmares. We don't know. He's like, bitch. Ah, nightmares.

What the fuck? And his little brother, he's a lot of. Fuck out of here. I never had a nightmare ever. Maybe I had a nightmare once. I fucking wrestled away. Kill them. When do I ever sleep?

I'm always grinding. Tom Rebel says baby snod. Hey, that boogers sucking thing sounds crazy, but it actually works wonders. I know, I have it. That's why I was disappointed to see that all their marketing is pedophile-based. Suck this, suck this goo out of your baby. And it's doing a blowjob moment. Like I don't I already bought it now I'm gonna send it back

Give me a Walmart version give me a CVS version of this please It's just a straw I'll make it I suggest you get one because if you may already notice it's fucking impossible to get anything out of their nose after like three seconds You know that's the beauty of when you have a kid that never stops crying You sit in there all day Like oh yeah you don't like this well you're crying anyway, so take these boogers right out buddy Don't worry about that Get it for 80s mom. Yes, we got it. We got it. We got it

I just don't want those ads Right It's unnecessary Because there's no other Bougar sucking device Just the one So it doesn't need to have Pedophile shit all over it

It's a pretty self-explanatory thing Hey buy this thing It sucks boogers out of the baby's nose Sounds kind of gross but it's not It doesn't need to have a bunch of sex shit in it Or it doesn't even need to make a commentary About it could just say Bougar sucking device

Here you go Yeah Self-explanatory You're like sucking goo out of men Try this on your baby No Advertisement for a fucking screwdriver. It's a tool.

You know what it does. Yeah. International law. Who wrote this? I don't know. The rallying cry of the midwit. Oh, yeah. I don't know what that's about.

Advice. To be gay or not to be gay? Shakespeare writing in? Yeah. Shakespeare's queer. He's writing in. I've listened to your show since middle school. Oh, and now you're gay?

Great. Yeah, this is great. Advertising material. Thanks a lot. The therapy clearly didn't work if you're one still listening and two turned gay. Sean turned you gay, probably. So I understand the concept that gay men are happier than straight men because of the fact that women are awful. That is...

I know a lot of unhappy gay men. Fucking crazy. crazy premise to start off with. Straight men are unhappy because of the woman that they're fucking. Gay men are unhappy because of the woman that raised them. How's that? It goes both ways.

Don't worry. We're both miserable because of women. Now I'm 18, and I had a gay experience about two weeks ago, and I'm pretty sure I enjoyed it. Well, that's why it's illegal in Islam. If you've cracked the case.

I got my dick. sucked by this twinky emo kid I know from school. Gay school? Tag team and sissy school. I didn't get an email back from that guy. Tag teaming sissies. Dude, the amount of people that messaged me and were like, could you believe that shit? And I just couldn't stop laughing.

I was like tag team. Weird shit. Man, the left has ruined this country more than anything. Liberals you mean? Yes. The left? Yeah. Whoever. His headphones are making everybody

into crying disrupted. Man. And gay. Give me asbestos, give me lead. Give me fucking... Nicotine. That shit. No one ever got gay

from making cigarettes. Nope. Eating cigarettes. The reason I'm writing this email is that I feel like I've been given an opportunity to become gay. Spoiler. You're there.

And live the peaceful life of a homosexual. I hope you. like scheduling. If you're gonna be gay, man oh man. Stay in West Hollywood for a week and see how much you enjoy it. See the thing about being, I would be gay in a second if it meant avoiding women. But actually, when you become gay, you get even, you get, you hang out with dudes who act like women. More women. More women, but they love you even more. As a straight man, I could, I'm invisible to women. They don't want to have anything to do with me. But if I were to dress up in some fishnets, adopt a silly accent, go shopping, walk around with a purse and stuff, women would be all over me.

It's a different kind of nightmare dealing with that. Nightmares. Fucking bitch. Betrayal. I'm writing this email because I feel like I've been given the opportunity to become gay and live the peaceful life of a homosexual. I hate talking to women. But at the same time, I'm attracted to them, and I feel like to become gay would be a betrayal to my future, and almost like running away from something that everyone should be able to do, have a relationship with a girl. Dog, you hate yourself.

There's a lot in this sense. Run away from something that everyone should be able to do, have a relationship with a girl. It's not really something you do. of something that happens because women are parasites and they don't want to give away sex for free and we're compelled and addicted to having sex with them dog you know it's crazy i saw this video i saved it for brain rot not this time obviously but there's this guy who's like you can tell he's from the midwest for sure but he's like yeah people say this whatever and like, you know, I forget what the premise was, but he's like, I have this thing called

loneliness-induced homosexuality. And this guy got it, man. You got the loneliness. You got the L-I-H. You got the L-I-H. You got to talk to bitches. You got to go talk to bitches. Ligma.

You got Ligma. Yeah. Loneliness-induced gay male. Attention. Yeah. Attention. Intention. gave me ill attention

You got the ligma bro You can kick the ligma He's dipping More than a toe into the ligma Those waters Been tested Yeah

I'm also sort of talking to this girl From work Sea Cups maybe Who was flirting with me Super obviously But then we started She thinks you're gay Yeah

And she low-key started acting bitchy So I left her on delivered for a couple of days now. He's already acting like a gang-y. Yeah. Two queens in that combo. Look, man, honestly, the best advice,

the best advice you'll ever get in dealing with women is just ignore their fucking attitude. Just pretend it didn't happen. Let it go completely. And it will make you more sane. It will make them more sane. It will definitely get you laid. I'm water

I didn't hear that come again Not I'm gonna react The same way they're I'll fight fire with fire Because they're fucking insane So you're feeding fucking kryptonite to bizarro Superman What I was gonna say your litmus test is Watch the birdcage If you laugh hysterically at it

You're good If you take it as life advice That's bad Yeah Watch the bird cage and tell me Which homosexual you identify with That's the test Who's the pretend?

In the protagonist in that story. Was it Armand or Nathan Lane? Was it Robin Williams and Nathan Lane? See, that's a funny fucking movie. Wow, hopefully this guy finds it. I told you I saw the musical of that, right? No. I saw a play of the birdcage.

I saw the play, because it was based on a play. Right. I saw the original play. And they casted a guy with cerebral palsy as son. So he's like, crutching out and doing his lines I'm like,

what the fuck was this in the play? You can't make a disabled joke in my gay humor play? What the fuck? But they never made a joke about it and then I slowly realized Well, the whole thing is the joke. But they never made a joke about that.

So they made jokes about everything else except the sun being crippled. I'm like, well, that doesn't make sense. Dude, I heard a new term speaking of disabilities last night that made more sense to me

than any scientific diagnosis ever. When you see someone with like a bum, like stump or like a arm that doesn't, you call it like a vinegar arm. A vinegar arm? Where it's just like a little hanging thing. Well, because it's like all the blood has soured and just turn into vinegar

with your little useless fucking stump. Disgusting. But as soon as I heard the term, I knew immediately. I don't know why they cast it a minute. Well, I know why, but. fucking disappointing. Should have put it on the ticket.

Well, they should have made everyone have cerebral palsy so that takes like five hours long. Am I just an F slur? Except he wrote it. And I need, because he can say it, yeah. I need to accept it?

Or should I just write that experience away as a one-off? I really just don't know whether to keep talking to the guy or the girl. And it feels like whichever choice I make now will determine my future.

No, man. You're not choosing a starter Pokemon dog. You know the thing about the future is your future is um uh no you're past. Whatever the future is, whatever happens.

Your past is just whatever you said it was. So, whatever you do later on you can just not say you did it. If you want to not be gay in the future, guess what? You never did anything gay. Oh, whoops. Wow, you mean it just didn't happen

Just like that Whatever you do Don't talk it out with either of them Right Whatever you do Don't be the runner who shit his pants And then immediately told me Hey I shit my pants

Instead of fucking just I ran an Ironman Yeah Oh yeah cool And I shit my pants Alright Just You're doing too much

All this overthinking shit Leads me to You're gay as fuck I really just don't know Whether to keep talking to the guy or the girl And it feels like whichever choice I make now Will determine my future

Even though I know that's psychotic to think Neurotic It's neurotic to think So You Oh for Johnny And he has kisses Well I can't accept them because they're gay

Homosexual kisses for you Yeah there's there's nuance to this I don't know maybe they're both into it I don't know kids anymore What are they doing doing trans shooting I guess watching Nick Fuentes

and Klovic hitting themselves in the faces with hammers to work on their bone maxing structures I wish people would hit themselves harder in the face of hammers yeah I don't know I always thought it would be funny

to like if you like take a hammer and you paint the head white all of a sudden it looks non-threatening I don't know why so I think if they made a bunch of white-tipped hammers

and everyone's just like oh this is like it's a medical hammer yeah that's what I think that guy does hits himself in the face with a hammer to... Well, as I'm saying, if they make it look less threatening

some people are like, oh, I could just go to town, you know? Bust out an orbital socket. Um... Yeah. You're 18? Don't worry. Nothing you could do, right?

Except knocking the girl up. That will change your future. It's either... Nothing else. You're going to end up with one or two life curses, either a kid or AIDS. Yeah, flip a coin. You get either a kid or AIDS.

Which one were you hoping it was going to be? And one of them you only have to take care of for 18 years. Get on prep now just in case. Get on prep and birth control. Just in case. Take both simultaneously. That is medical advice. Incorrect, but still medical advice.

Maybe you're not gay. Maybe you're just lonely, like you're saying. Dude, he's got the loneliness-induced homosexuality. I got to find that clip because, man, I saw that and just started dying. I was like, man, the shit people will say. You could talk to the gay guy about it, probably.

Don't talk to a woman about it. You can't talk to the gay guy because he's going to just try and use that as a way to suck your dick again, dude. And he will. And he will. And you, dude, that bitch isn't sucking your dick, so what does it matter what she has to say? I know, I know gay guy who's fucked a lot of straight guys like that. That's...

Bro. They all fall for it, too. Dude, this guy You've been listening to the show this long And you fell for that Come on now You got sweet talked You got fucking sweet talked about

This is dick sucker Sucking your dick You know they say cock suckers are bad And you need to understand that You're getting bamboozled There's a reason you go Oh fucking cock sucker motherfucker You know it's not like

Well here's how you know If you're gay You've only fucked this one guy You gotta fuck If you're gay You gotta go fuck other guys To see if you're gay Maybe it's just this guy

Talk to you into it Then you're not gay Right If you go fuck six or seven other guys And you enjoy it Then you're gay Yeah If your eyes water

You're probably not gay You fuck one woman You know if you're straight You don't need it anymore They're all the same But if you're gay I don't know Maybe it's

Maybe you gotta fuck 10 or 12 Other guys This guy's gonna take that to heart be like, so I fuck 20 guys. Then you're gay. Then you're definitely gay. Yeah.

Then it doesn't matter what conclusion you come to. We have all deemed you as gay. You can still go date that girl. She'll just know you're gay. Yeah, or not, you know? I don't know anymore. It's a totally different kind of world. Maybe you're like ancient Greeks kind of thing.

Bad. The first ones to think of something and also gay? Yeah. You're just gay during the day. wait a second you could put a dick in a butt urica all right oh wait wait wait wait

it's fat watch time fat watch oh it's 23 maybe we should maybe you just do one in voicemail uh mac kay hey dick and johnny this woman is addicted to working out

apparently I bet she is we're gonna have them jowls god damn I am addicted to working out. Come on. What is the deal? To working out.

So we are going to go to a Pilates class. Let's go. This bitch is about two, maybe 3.20. What do you think? Okay. That was a full-sized mattress that she flattened out. What kind of Pilates class is in the dark? It looks like she's in a church multi-purpose room here.

Hey man, all cats meow the same in the dark. She's at a Pilates class with her Stanley Cup on... This used to be a bed mattress, like you're saying. It's been flattened to about an eighth inch. It's... She turned it into gossamer. Now she's lifting her legs up and down. How much...

She pulled an eating muscle. Man. You know the whole room stank after that Even in fast motion it seems lazy Oh god now she's humping her hips up Wait isn't Pilates you got the machines And you're doing all this shit Not regular that's reformer Pilates

Oh okay There's no reforming this one Her back Her entire torso hasn't moved at all Yeah Yeah Even though they know I really ain't intimate You're not into it

I'm not into it Dude, this is really her whole workout. Stretching out. Stretch those, uh, stretch those gun tendons. You can see the grimace on her face. And all the pain she's in, yeah. She's done, the 12 leg lifts, which is just laying on your back and lifting one of your feet in the air. Yeah, I can't believe you should go somewhere to do this.

This is incredible. This is a real workout that she's posted. I mean, she's going to have to keep doing that for the next 9,000 years. All right. How in the fuck has she gotten that job? Liam says. Hi, I'm Riannon, a personal... A personal trainer at J.D. Jim's in Wolverhampton.

And I have autism and ADHD. And I specialize in healthy, anxious, nervous, neurodivergent people to get started on their own. health and fitness journey. When are you going to get started on that? I believe that health and fitness is about finding strength in who you are. And I'm training for my first ever strong woman competition in February. And my second inmate. They're for a strong breathed woman competition.

I'm so excited to be able to help people because I know how hard it is to walk into a gym for the first time. Was that today? People who feel excluded from traditional fitness environments. So give me a great form. This is exactly how I. She has an actual size Aurora Borealis on her. That's not a picture. The Aurora Borealis is actually happening on her pants.

God damn. If this is you. If this is me, what? See, that's what pisses me off, too. It's always this front angle, right? See, it's like, oh, see, this is just me. You know, me somewhere. And then you see the rest of her.

And it's like, bitch. Yeah. We know you're ashamed. Helping anxious neurodivergent people in the gym. Plus size. A D-HD. Oh, autism and AGHD. It's gold D-H-D.

That's amazing, dude. Oh, she got these gay headphones that disrupted her dindocrines. I made her like this. One tells you to just be more consistent, get a gym buddy, just go to the gym. Use an app. How long have you been doing this? When does the fitness start? The only reason she knows that one...

Consistency is. in reference to gravy. Okay, this was six hours ago? When did it start? Uh, I don't know how to do Instagram. If you scroll back far enough, it turns out she's the guy from Green Mile.

A week ago? Well, geez, how much did she post? Two weeks ago? Jesus. Dude. That's like a month worth of posts in two weeks.

So she's posting every day at the gym. She thinks, Prater than hell. Post is an abbreviation for pot roast, which is why she does it so much. Then I use my hand. Grab the bottom of the plate. All right.

Well, I don't know how much weight she's lost, but she's got a ways to go, clearly. Anchors away. Land ho, man. Yeah. Uh, um, actually. Okay. Already hate where this is going.

Why is this dude here? Objectively, unhealthy. They are so. 600 plus pounds. What are... Oh, hey, that was me. And actually, in that picture, I was only 500 pounds.

I'll have you now. She accidentally swallowed a funny bone or something. She just swallowed all funny fucking Skellington. Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. She accidentally ate a clown. Okay. Sam, Iams.

All right. What do you got? Whatcha got? And that it's all the same thing. We're trying to exterminate fat people. They want to get rid of us. It's all white supremacy. Fat phobia is racism.

They're so excited that they found a drug. Okay. Sure. We're racist. I feel like we already established that, though, right? Yeah, okay. Fine. Fat people's a race.

Go back to fat beer. or whatever. Go back to Liberia spelled with no I. So it's LBS area. Go back where you came from, the dairy aisle. Wait, so does that count as two for me? I'm like, hey, that's racist against Samoans and fat people. They're one and the same. That makes it so we don't exist anymore. If tomorrow, they released a drug that said, we cured blackness. If you just take this pill, you can be what? all the same thing.

Which part of blackness? Whoa. We've cured blackness. Are they white? They just talk during movies still or they just well it's like that clip where that lady calls Oprah the

N-word by accident. They're discussing the merit of Oprah has this open thing about the use of the N-word. And this lady's like, I got something to say so Oprah runs over and she's like, yeah, you don't have to be a certain kind of color to be

an N-word. She goes, there's a lot us here right now, you know, if you're looking at it, you know, it's an inside thing, not an outside. You know, there's more than just you know, these ends, you know, more than just Oprah. And she says, like, not just Oprah. And Oprah's like, it looks like someone fire extinguished her

in the face. I'll find that, but it was nuts, man. It's that same kind of shit. Like, what do you talk? She's comparing losing weight too. Oh, this guy again. All right. Yeah, he's got to go. Get out of here. Uh, okay. That's it. Thanks, everybody.

Go to Patreon. We got a bonus episode up. I forget what we talked about. Oh, we got that gay. When Maddox went on that gay date. That pre-trans. To the water counties, yeah. That woman.

Oh, this more woman. Rubbing their knees together and stuff. The bonus episode. Patreon.com slash the fish show. See you next Tuesday. Presenting. You're talking to me every time. Wop, wop, wop.

Have you ever heard Elijah Schaefer's voice? man what a fucking that's a that's a limberacid voice huh I almost said the word I didn't

that's a very limberistic voice you should uh check that out he's weird man obvious obviously bisexual obvious sex obvious like drug addict

just obvious people named Elijah are bad news yeah um I'm happy for him he's getting he's divorced now.

He's free to go be gay and do myel ecstasy all the time. He's got like, Elijah's got, I, you look at me, I can party like a certain kind of way. You know, I could drink all night and carouse all night.

I could sit in a booth all night. I could smoke three packs of cigarettes. You know, sit there, yelling at people, right? I've seen it. but doing a bunch of Molly and all this shit and like having, you know,

taking my shirt off and having glow sticks and stuff. No, no, no, no. Too much. Oh, I got. If I were to try something to do something like that, I would break something in my, in my, in my identity. I can't. I don't have, I couldn't do it.

But you look at Elijah Schaeff and you're like, that guy can gay rave with the, I bet that guy could, I bet that guy could go through probably a whole bottle of cough syrup. and still, and not even, he wouldn't even phase him. You know what I mean? Robo trip on the day. You could be robo tripping. That guy sees shit.

Man, that's the kind of guy that sees shit while he's dancing, right, and doing drugs. You know, it's, not me. I don't see anything. The most depressing thing in the world is such a cool name like robo tripping, but only to feel like your average Native American

on a given day. Yeah. Like, oh. You sit me down. You mean I drank all this robotripping? to feel like an ancient elder? Like, fuck. Just obviously gay.

That's wild. Isn't it crazy? And he's got to like pretend. Did he write that email in? It's cool, but why are you being a conservative? Like, why? Why? Why? Money? Is that it?

Does you need money? I guess it's harder to be... Maybe he's just lonely, dude. Maybe he's just lonely. It's lonely at the top, man. And then I see, and like, when he got, when he announced his divorce or whatever, people are posting pictures of Elijah Schaefer and his, that he posted on Instagram or that his wife did. And they're like, imagine having this and losing it.

And it was like, Elijah saying, helping my wife set up for like a tea party. And I see that. And I'm like, well, that's hell. Like, if I, if I would take a picture of myself setting up for a fucking tea party with my wife, you have permission to. beat me to death because that would be a welcome release for whatever I'm going through. It's just like, his fan base

is just totally psychotic and stupid. Imagine having this. And then it's like a picture of his wife. Imagine having this and throw it away. Yeah, that's like, that's like a humanity, dude. It's just, you know,

it's really hard for two people to be together for a while because they're real fucking annoying. Everybody, as it turns out, is real fucking, imagine having, they're going like, I don't know what they're even saying. Imagine what? Imagine fucking that.

Imagine having conversations with that and throwing it away. Which part of it? Like, what do you think marriage is? Just being in the same place with someone for an extended period of time. Imagine being in the same place and someone for extended period of time and then giving it away. I can easily do that. Everybody can. You're missing the forest for the trees on this one, dude.

They're just, they just wanted to be on the tea party. Yeah. That's all. They just were mad. They didn't get an invite to the fucking tea party. Man, imagine giving away this tea party. Look what you gave away, man, fuck.

Imagine having that conversation. Will you take a picture of me who's sitting up for the tea party and posting on your Instagram? Fuck no. It can post a second picture where there's a shotgun giving me this nice shampoo shortly after? Clean this up. Take a picture of this. They're all nuts. Man.

I guess I can get it from his point of you. But he's just so obviously gay. Well, he's complied to the tea part. Sounds like steam escaping, yeah. Hey, so we're talking about the woke mind virus. My guest today is the dick up my ass. How's it feel in there, buddy? Makes me fucking...

All these e-celebrities are just like, so fucked. You gotta have a day job, man. Yeah, you do. You just kind of, like, it keeps you grounded enough. Like... Otherwise, you start thinking that, like, you have to tolerate these people. You start... You start thinking differently, and it's like, no, no, no.

Nah. You need to go back to the real world here, dude. You got to stand in line at the DMV and realize this is the world. Do you talk about the woke mind virus today? Well, my wife left me because of the woke... Yeah, sure. Because you're gay, man. That's why.

She wants to go... Get married to a straight guy. She wants to say She's gonna get another gay guy too She's gonna end up with another gay guy Teacups are gonna be bigger next time Can you believe he gave this up This picture here's hey everybody

Just getting ready for this tea party with my wife I bet you are bud God fucking damn it man Can you believe he gave this up Yeah Yeah easily Of all the reasons of guys have for He didn't want it to begin with

What did he give up? He wanted the tea party, he's not her. Right, yeah. I'm going to get the boys over here. Hey, Jay, hey, Johnny. What pisses me off or makes me a rage is not everything that you do on your phone or the internet needs an app.

I don't need to have an app to look at a restaurant. I don't need to have an app to buy something. I just want to be able to look at this thing on the internet. See the reviews on it. See the pictures of like the food for this restaurant or whatever to be able to. Yeah, but the sites don't want to go there or not.

They all fucking work. I do not want to download your stupid app. You have to be able to figure out if I want to go there. I'll do you one further is fucking, you know what really pisses me off is restaurants don't give you menus anymore. That's QR code. Well, between the QR code, but it used to be you go to like a sandwich shop and you have a print menu. So whenever, when you go back to the office or wherever. with your fucking thing.

Now it's, hey, what do you guys want for lunch? Well, here's what we, here's a quick physical printout

of here's what you can get fucking prices at zero loading time and you call them up, place an order, and you go pick it up. None of this fucking like, well,

I saw your prices and it was charged, it was like, oh, that was the Grubhubh price. And it's like, I'm so sick of like when, you know,

to see a menu, you have to go through like, well, and it's like, if you go on Google, it's like, well, here's, like, things that could be on the menu. And it's like, I want to see what the fucking menu is, not some outdated. I hate Grubhub.

I really hate what they. I hate all that shit. It's just like... Why don't somebody vibe code, like, that that makes no money? So we can just be honest again. It's called print fucking menus again. Yeah. And then scan that and put up...

Dude, fucking Alberto's has been doing that since the dawn of the internet, and they're still in business. Your stupid fucking hoity tooty place can do the same. Dick, I made a horrible mistake. I hadn't updated my phone. It's an Android. I haven't updated it. First mistake. Like three years.

And I accidentally clicked update. And now I can't go back. And now it's just updates automatically. I was, I just want to go back to three years ago when my phone didn't update automatically when it didn't have AI features. I always like, I always got to click that update. Up. Take that lesson.

Don't update your software, guys I have it, you're gonna do it. Whenever that little button pops up, I'm like, ooh, maybe I should press that button. Get rid of your fucking Android, you green texting freak. I think, don't press the button. To myself, I say don't do it again. Don't press the button right away.

It's going to mess up your stuff, but in the back of my mind, I think maybe I could just press the button a little bit. I live dangerously. I hit automatic updates. That's crazy. And then every time I open photos, It's a whole different ballgame every time.

It keeps me on my toes, Dick. I'm like, what do you mean this plugin I was relying on? Does it work on this version? Fuck. Not me. Living dangerous. You know what? I just got tired of me.

I'm going to let a release go by. I'm going to get to point three. Well, I used to be so good about like, don't update shit to whenever. Then you just said, fuck it. I got just so tired of it, man. Yeah. And it's like, okay, we've gone through the whole, update all your shit from 32 to 64 bit

and all this old software is not going to work now. I'm like, okay, I solved that apocalypse. Now it turns from what we're going from Intel to Silicon and I'm like, okay, cool. But the code's all different. I'm like, that's fine. Give them a month.

And then sure enough, you know, you get all the emails from all the software company. Don't make sure you don't update. I automatically update. All my shit opens just fine nine times out of town. I'm like, fuck you guys. I'll even, if my phone says, you got to leave it on the charger overnight so it'll update I say no I'm not putting it on the charger never again

I'm only going to charge it during the day so it won't update because I already clicked the button I'm only going to charge it when I need it most of them at 1% I'm going to put it in the car so it knows it's too slow to update all right goodbye everybody see you