The Dick Show - Episode 5 – Dick on Sex Robots

Episode Date: July 5, 2016

Download the MP3 Jesse Williams, who recently gave a speech at the BET Awards about cultural appropriation, is half white and half black. I think it’s his white half that objects to “this invention called whiteness” “extracting our culture…like oil – black gold”. At least that’s what the bandwagoning, virtue-signaling knee-jerks on Twitter lead me … Continue reading "Episode 5 – Dick on Sex Robots" The post Episode 5 – Dick on Sex Robots appeared first on The Dick Show.

Yeah! Welcome to the DICK SHOW. It's the show that stands for something you You're listening to the Dix Show. Show where everything is a contest. I'm your host, Dick Masterson with me is always a shun. Hello, Dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? And today, special guest, potential ho-ho-ho-host, fan of the show, a familiar voice, and a familiar face,

Denzel Wulks. Hello, ho-host in the building? Yeah, ho-host in the building. Yeah. Ho-host in the building. Ooh, hey, has anybody ever given you like Denzel Wulks? Denzel Wulks 500 miles and back again, just to be with you. Denzel Wulks, the line. When I used to play basketball in high school,

do you remember song Jesus Wulks by Kanye? Oh, yeah. They used to say Den then, Zell walks. That's cool. That's cool. I think you're doing your kid a favor by giving them like a fucking ponable name.

Now, used to not be the case. Like parents would be afraid when they named their kids that their kids were gonna get made fun of. Like when my parents named my sister, I get a little sister, five years younger than me, they wanted to give her a fucking name too.

And both sets of grandparents had a problem with it. They're like, well, you can't do that to your kid. You can't do that. You can't give them a name that people are gonna make fun of. What was it? Xanadu. They were gonna name her Xanadu. Yeah, and they already fucked up with you.

All right, calm down. Shut up. So she ended up getting a name like you. That's like the most common name in the world. And she's always hated it, because there's always like six other of hers in every class and every sports team that she's ever been on.

And now, now I'm looking at it, thinking, look, you gotta get, first of all, you gotta give your kid a name where the domain name will still exist in 20 years, which is impossible. I mean, like the dick show? Yeah, because dickshow.com was taken and it goes straight to gay porn.

Yeah, but not a surprise. How did somebody not have the dick show? Dude, it is a Trumpian miracle. Because I went there the second I thought of the name, like I was going through a bunch of names for this show because how do you replace Bigg's problem, right? It's some kind of rant based show, right? So I was like, okay, what's like a stupid gimmick for that?

How about why I drink? And it's a problem you bring in, why you drink every week. And I was like, okay, that's kind of like a cutesy name, whatever. I brought in like I could do better, because I think that's what everyone thinks all the time. And that's why everyone is such an insufferable prick these days.

Because everybody looks at everything and thinks I could do better than that. It's like when you're watching a movie trailer, you see the trailer bullshit, I could do better than this. It's like when you're watching a movie trailer, you see the trailer bullshit, I could do better than this. I could make a better Superman movie. And it's like, no, you can't, man. Like people tried for years to make this. This is the best that they could do.

This is better than what you could do. No. What do you mean? No, no. Sometimes you look at something, look, I used to listen to this writing podcast and it was the Craig Mason and John August one, I don't remember what it's called, but basically you would hear

them talk. Shitty name then. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So they were used to talk about screenwriting and how like tough it was, but Craig Mason wrote, hang over one, two and three, and it's just like two and three are derivative of the first one. Yeah.

And it's just like, that's not that hard. I could do that. That's not that hard. You could write a better movie than hangover one, two, and three. And I'm gonna say two and three are garbage. I'll average them all out. Two and three definitely. You think you could write a better movie than hangover two and three?

Yes. I would love for you to prove that. I have said this, I've said it on the last show. You, like if you criticize something, you should be able to do better than that. Give me about two months. I'll have a little screenplay ready. Two months.

I'm going to put it in my calendar right now. It's going to be hang over four? No, it's not going to be hang over four. It's going to be, I don't know. Already fucking up. It's title, unknown title, or title pending, or whatever. Unknown. Unknown up. I'm known title or title pending or whatever. Unknown. Unknown ghost.

Yeah. You should play into, you should do like a black exploitation hangover. I don't know what that's called. Is there like, I'm just for everyone listening. You're a black guy. Like is there like a thing that I don't know about that's like a word in black culture for like hangover? No, it's not just hungover.

Damn. But, you know, any sea and Timberlands, you know, make a nice title. Yeah, it's like a New York. No, there needs to be, oh shit, well, I don't know any New York stuff either. All right, I've got voice mails, I've got comments. Justin Halbert, dick, you ducking asshole.

I can't watch the Revenant now because when I see Leo de Caprio's stupid ass crawling on the ground, I just keep picturing him crawling towards some ladder to climb it for a belt. So did you see the Revenant? No. It's Leo de Caprio doing his best stone cold Steve Austin

impression. I have no idea what that looks like. Just look in pain constantly. Just looking like you're in pain constantly. That's a whole new. Okay, Dan Costerick, love the show, long time listener, followed you after your breakup. Anyway, in episode four, your description of Trump's inauguration had me laughing. Being a digital artist, I decided to use it as inspiration to practice my hand painting

with Photoshop. I attached my final masterpiece to this email. Feel free to post it on your website or anywhere you see fit. It's anyways, go fuck yourself. Dan Madness, Costeric. So this is what this is what this guy drew. Oh my God, I love it. I went into my fantasy of what will happen when

Trump is inaugurated last episode. And this is, this is the result. It's not loading. It's not loading very quickly on this iPad. Apple products, man. Don't even start. Come on man. This is riveting. I know. Oh, I ask you to load one thing and you can't do it. Okay, so for the people at home who can't see this, Ronald Reagan is the back, back round image on his iPad.

That's not a joke. That's just always been. That's always been. This is an iPad version one. I iPad on his iPad. Right. That's not a joke. That's just always been. That's always been. This is an iPad version one. I got an in Christmas. I don't know whenever iPad version ones came out. And that was just the first thing I put during the Reagan administration. Yeah. This girl I was dating. I was dating this girl who works in, works in production. She's works in entertainment down here. And like everybody else, she always thinks I'm putting it on, like putting on this crazy conservative character just all the time, like 24 hours a day. And she saw that while we were dating,

a couple of dates into it and she's like, no, I can't deal with that. That's so ridiculous, that's so ridiculous. I'm clicking on it again. I don't know why it's just gonna fuck up again. What are we waiting to watch? We're waiting to see this fucking picture. I'm gonna show you on it again. I don't know why it's just gonna fuck up again. What are we waiting to watch? We're waiting to see this fucking picture. I'm going to show you on this thing.

I cannot believe the amount of fuck-ups that are going on right now. This is a professional, really expensive recording studio we're in. Yes. Everything works. Only the best. It's well furnished. There's bottles of ice all around the room. Those are imported packing blankets. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Okay, okay, okay, come down everybody. Here's the picture. So you got Trump writing in

with the heralding of angels. You got Ann Coulter as a Pegasus that he's writing on. Then you have me within my unstumpability field and my hand outstretched, I think, to intercept my soul sword that being a Trump fan and shitposting for nine months or 11 months, whatever it's been, whatever it will have been at this time, is about to be bestowed on me.

Then you have Obama with his many tentacles of healthcare grabbing. And you have a, you have a robo-clinton. She's, her face is peeling off like a terminator robot. And you can see, you can see her focus groups inside her skeleton telling her how to behave. You can see her neural net processor, which is actually several thousand focus groups

churning away inside of her, telling her what to do like a choose your own adventure book. Isn't that great? By the way, my bicep there? Not Photoshopped. Oh. That is 100% real. Let me see.

Gun show. I think. I didn't ask. I don't have a... That's a fantastic piece of art, man. Fantastic piece of art. Thank you. All right.

Thank you, Dan. Let's see. Couple more. Oh. I talked about Neil deGrasse Tyson last week, right? Now he's a huge prick. Immediately, immediately he embarrasses himself on Twitter again. Like the guy, I think I'm starting to see the future.

Oh, the rationale thing or whatever. Yeah, so do you know what that is? Yeah, it's his concept for a country where everything is based on scientific evidence. Oh, yeah. Here's the actual quote. David Spencer sent this Neil deGrasse Tyson is trying to make a virtual country called rationale with a one line constitution. All policy shall be based on the weight of evidence. That's a little vague. A little vague. Right? You can't have that.

That's like a fun cheeky joke. So I'm in charge because I'm smart. You know what? No, smarter than me and everything that I think is based on evidence. Because this is a snapshot. This is N.D.G. Neil D.S. Tyson giving us a snapshot into how he thinks. See, he's saying that all of us, we're all stupid,

because we're not basing our choices on evidence. But him, every choice, sure, every choice evidence, forget that that's what we're all trying to do all the time. Every single person in the world is trying to decide what's best for them based on the evidence that they have right in front of them. Yes, and the evidence that we have right now is that Neil deGrasse Tyson is an asshole. He's a huge asshole. He keeps proving it. Well, not only an asshole, but this is why he's stupid about science. Because what he's trying to subtly say

is that science is always right, because it's based on evidence. But here's the catch to that. Science is always wrong until it's not. It's wrong. It's wrong for 10,000 years. I know you keep revising. And you can't have the ego about it either. You have to be like, maybe, maybe we're wrong. Maybe this doesn't work. And that's hard for a lot of scientists, I think, who have spent their entire lives believing one thing and getting those results. And then something flies in the face of it

and they, sometimes they will still fight it. But if you're intellectually honest, you'll be like, no, this needs revision. If you're intellectually honest, you say, hey, all of medicine was basing their decisions on evidence for all of time from hypocrite's until recently, and only until the last hundred years were you better off going to the doctor.

So where was the evidence then? Now, when science fucks up and science has been fucking up for 10,000 years, like when science fucks up, nothing bad happens. You just say, well, what's your deal, scientists? Where does fire come from? And that's probably in the wood already. All right, well, that's the best decision. Don't make any political decisions based on that

because it could be very fucking wrong. And it will be wrong for 2,000 years, or however long it is, until somebody finally figures out the right answer. Science is looking up at the sky, you're seeing a bunch of stars going around, I was like, oh, you know what? Here's my idea of how this all works.

It's a big ol' earth in the middle. And I'm drawing a bunch of dumb circles to see how everything works. Wrong, wrong and dumb. I'm gonna draw more circles around all the moons to explain asteroid orbits and procession and stuff like that. I'm gonna make this huge complicated graph. Now, let's pause right there. When you've drawn, you've drawn an Earth-centric orbit of the solar system, and this is the pinnacle of science for you, you say, you know what? Let's base an entire society on this

because this is all the evidence that we have in front of us. That's how fucked you can be. Neil the Grass Tyson's, let's base it on the evidence, is how you get communism. Yeah, that's predicated on all the evidence being correct. Yeah, all this, all this we know about production, this is how it works. Let's base a system on that.

Okay, dude, you got communism. You just killed 50 million people. I never thought of it that way, but he's really even more of a fucking asshole. He's such a fucking asshole. He thinks he's right all the time, and everything he says is a comparison, is comparing himself to God. Like, he's got the most insane megalomaniacal complex that is like, I think he's 100 times think he's a hundred times worse than Trump on Twitter with his,

I think I'm a god, I'm always right. Because the idea that like the inability to see that science is all trial and error and mostly error and that it's mostly wrong, like a scientist should be celebrated for being wrong. Einstein, who Neil Grass-Eisen probably loves, didn't believe in quantum mechanics. He's like, God doesn't play dice with the universe.

That's what he said. There's no uncertainty. That's a myth. It's like, okay, dude. So now, a hundred years later, you look like you fucked up. And that's saying that a scientist's fucked up is nothing against them,

but it's like, it should be part of the process. It's this idea that evidence makes you infallible is fucking retarded to me. Like, what evidence? Is there evidence that CO2 is warming up the earth? Yeah, okay, is there evidence that every single country besides us will use any policies

based on that evidence to fuck us over? Is that evidence too? Is it evidence that Americans deserve jobs in like coal mining industries? Is that evidence? What the fuck is the evidence, man? Like I hate that he's a fucking Lulls cow. Everything he says is like, he's like a cow

that says arrogant smug things that I just wanna milk for Lulls every day. I can't, that's his newest thing. Oh wow, that was quite the rant. Oh, he saw, he saw frustrating to me. And like basing things on evidence as well and good, we were talking about before the show started making a murderer. And it's like, okay, if you're basing things on evidence as well and good. We were talking about before the show started making a murderer. And it's like, okay, if you're basing all your evidence,

just based on my experience, just like seeing how things shake out in the justice system, it's like basing everything on evidence won't help a whole lot. Because their false flags, their thing, red herrings, their things that you can confuse for other stuff. And- And- And- And- And- And- And- And- And- false flags or red herrings or things that you can confuse for other stuff. And... And planning evidence.

Exactly. And it can just lead down a deep dark hole. All right, I'm going to play some voicemails. Oh, Joey Clifft, by the way. Co-host from last week. Not a rage, but he brought in a great point about wrestling being an American art form. Wrestling is tight as fuck. Yeah, American art form. Wrestling is tight as fuck.

Yeah, American art form. I thought that was great. All right, let me get through a couple of voicemails. And we're gonna get to your interview, which I hope you're excited for. Very. Because the title, the mantle of co-host is still up in the air. I prefer host.

The mantle of co-host is also still up in the air. All right, here's some, here's some voicemails. Hey, so you want to really good drinking game relish into your last podcast with uh... your wrestling buddy host and every single time he says like take a drink i know uh...

also him saying that uh... joe ryan is the most guy to be feared in wrestling what the fuck try a block by the name of the guy to be feared and wrestling what the fuck? No. Try a Brock Lesnar or something. This guy needs to shut the fuck up. Anyway, stay by. Well, I say that's Brock Lesnar is like saying, it's basically like saying Kobe's the greatest basketball player of all time. Like it's just the plain vanilla answer. You have plenty

of wrestlers out there that are better. Like Kenny Omega. He's tight as fuck. Joey Ryan is also tight. This guy, Kevin Steen, prior to being in the WWE, was tight. Elginerico, before he was in the WWE, was tight. There's Rick Ashe, who's tight as fuck. Will Osprey, Zach Sabre, Jr. There are a lot of people who are a lot better

than Brock Lesnar, who shows up twice a fucking year just for big events. Is he back in MMA? Yeah, he's doing UFC 200. Oh, he is, okay. Yeah, I think that's what next weekend. Yeah. Yeah, no idea. All wrestling sounds like Greek to me.

Like, I don't know how you guys memorize so much stuff about wrestling. I only started watching recently, and there's like, there's a big line where the quality starts and ends. WWE is a staple because it's on every week, you, and you can expect a certain amount, whereas like the indie promotions, some of them do pay per view, some of them are weekly,

but they're a lot more hard hitting, and they do a lot more impressive stuff. So there's a hard line between those? Okay, I'll tell you where there's a fuzzy line. And that's between wrestling fans and my Mexican grandma who has to see her stories in novellas every day. So that's, if you're watching WWE, that's what you'll get.

You'll get you novellas. You'll get your dumb little storylines everywhere else. It's just matches for the most part. I see a future where these two come together, where somehow that there's a crossover event with no vetletelimundo's novelas, and like a WWE Brock Lesnar trying to get the Latino crowd involved in wrestling.

And there's a crossover event where Brock Lesnar trying to get the Latino crowd involved in wrestling. And there's a crossover event where Black Lesnar goes on a soap opera and tries to rope my grandma into watching a wrestling event. I would watch the shit out of that. That sounds insane. They'll do anything too. All right, here's another, another voicemail. What the heck is log in night is Bro, it's logonitis.

Dude, and you're like half Mexican. I'm like full of American food. Come on bro. What? Yeah, almost correct to that. You almost corrected me. The beer. The beer.

Logonitas. The beer is pronounced logonitas. Logonitas with the Spanish accent. See, I think I'm so gun shy when it comes to doing a Spanish accent. See, I think I'm so gun shy when it comes to doing a fake accent, like a fake Spanish accent. Like even when I speak Spanish, I don't do, I don't put on an accent.

Because when people come to this country, you don't want them to do an American accent. I would love that. No, you wouldn't, then you wouldn't even notice. You wanna hear like a thick German accent or a French, a sexy French accent, or an obnox, in the case of a man, an obnoxious French accent,

or like a nice fancy sounding British accent. You don't want all of them to twist up their talking so it sounds exactly like us, mush-mouthed and boring and dull, right? I'd refer this. So when I go to Mexico, I'm like, Olo, Como, Estad, because I think they would appreciate that, right? Like, don't, don't do a style of playa.

Buscando, Para, Moheres. Some Moheres, I don't know how to speak Spanish. And there's another country, isn't it? And I do do that, right? You speak it better than that. Oh, please, Sean. So when I see, Logan, Logan Itis, I wanna say it, I pronounce do that, right? I do speak it better than that. Oh, please, Sean. So when I see, logonitis, I wanna say it, I've pronounced it like an American.

I wanna, I'm trying to promote the American accent. Sounds like a disease. I don't, I don't take an issue with the way you're pronouncing it because at least that just says you read it. Because there's no like, there's not the phonetic pronunciation underneath it. I'm sure you know there's not the phonetic pronunciation underneath it. I'm sure you know, there is. There is.

There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is.

There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is.

There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. I said it's the word me. All right, I got one more. Here's from Lieutenant Longshank. Hey, Dick, I'm a gold explorer in Central Australia. Life is tough. I live at a fly camp by a dry riverbed for three months at a time by myself. In summer, the temperature regularly hits 50 degrees Celsius.

That's 122 Fahrenheit in freedom units. He's acting like somebody made him go out there. Come, come down. He's acting like somebody made him go out there. Come, come down. He's just telling about his time in the Central Australian UConn. All right. Shit is tough. What have you done? What have you so bad at a shape about?

I've done tough shit. I'd dealt with you for two years. Once a week on a Wednesday afternoon, I used to hike three kilometers, two miles in Donald's distance, up a ridge, stick my phone up in the air, hope for one bar of signal and download the biggest problem, followed by a porn hub video. That was his priorities, though. That's pretty good.

No, no, no, I'm an asshole. Yeah, I would listen to it on the way back to camp while polishing off a warm six-pack of beer. Wednesday night was the only night I'd fall asleep with a smile after a cheeky bushwank. Nowadays I hike to get my dick fixed, followed by my pussy fixed from porn hub. You're a legend of ladder rage, a top ladder rage.

I send this email now with an outstretched arm in a shitload of gratitude, Lieutenant Longshank signing off. Well, thanks Lieutenant Longshank. How about that? Oh, nice. Look at that. That signing off. Well, thanks Lieutenant Longshank. How about that? Oh, nice. Look at that. That was great.

Both of you fucking looking at me, like I've ruined it. Yeah, because you were right on that guy. We're talking about his hard life. He's a gold farmer. I was, but he said hard life after he said I'm a gold explorer. A gold explorer. All right, all right, all right. Shall we get to the interview?

Yes. You ready? Ready for this interview? Did you prepare at all? What did's show you get to the interview. Yes. What's ready? Yeah, ready for this interview Did you prepare at all? What did you prepare anything? I did push-ups. Did you do push-ups? No. Do you lift? No Oh, that's a strike against you, no friend. What is what is the worst example of cultural appropriation? Worst example is there a right answer? There's all there's a right answer to all these

What a stereotypical question. See the black guy and ask him about cultural oppression. Sean, I had this in the hopper for... No, you don't know why I brought this in. So everything happens in threes. When something happens three times, that's when I think it's an issue. It's a problem that needs to be addressed.

Okay. Cultural appropriation happens. It happens a lot more than this, but this is when it popped up in the news. First, it was everyone pissed off about Indian headdresses. Oh, I had Coachella. Yeah.

And shit pisses me off too. Whoa, why? Because if they're standing directly in front of you, it's hard to see past that shit either way. It's fine. It's fucking horseshit. That's true, but that's not why people were pissed off. They were pissed off because a white rich white people,

or whomever, in my case, were appropriating the festooned headdress of another culture. And somehow, this was offensive. So I heard that, first and the first thing I thought is that's the most retarded thing I've ever heard. Like, and that's why I don't react the first time. When people start floating the ship by their upset that other people are wearing feathered headdresses. And I'm like, okay, let me think this through. This is where those feathered headdresses came from.

It's a bunch of Indians sitting around with nothing to do, because they've already built their teepee or hunted for the day, and they've got leather and feathers. So they stuck some feathers in their leather, one guy stucks a bunch of feathers in his little hat, wrapped around his head, and then the chief came by and said, hey, I want that.

Make me one of those with more feathers, fuck you. I'm gonna have the most feathers, because it looks cool, right? This is not some deep, this is not like a resource that's being plundered from these people. This is, I don't see it as somehow shaming an entire culture that we all think it's cool

to wear feathers in a hat. What? Okay. What? Like, I understand where they're coming from though, because it's like, it's a part of the culture that you're from, right? So, you have, you identify with this culture,

your blood is in this culture. And you have ancestors who were essentially murdered for their land, you and your family were sent off to some reservation, you had to live that life. Like you, like when you, it's like when you hear rappers talk about like selling drugs and shit on the corner and shit. But, and you hear it and you selling drugs and shit on the corner and shit. Yeah. But, and you hear it and you can tell

that they didn't live that life. Where, but. Who he's knocking about. As far as like, oh, like rappers. Yeah. Like so, push a tee for instance. Okay. Some people say, noz.

Noz. Like, noz, he sings about having a rough life and he actually didn't. Like, noz, I don't think so. Like I'm not too sure about his story, but pushers definitely, you'll live that shit. Like you can tell based on what he's talking about and how he talks about it.

Okay. And like some of the other people who are out here wrapping aren't, but essentially what I'm trying to drive at is, so you've struggled your entire life, right? Let's say you're Native American. This is your whole life. No, never.

No, never. Ha, ha, ha, ha. And so you grow up with this, right? This is your culture. You go to the ceremonies, you put on the ceremonial head dresses, and you go out and you play the drums, you smoke your, or drink your ayahuasca, whatever you do with it, and you go out and you play the drums, you smoke your, or drink your ayahuasca, whatever you do with it, and you take part in these ceremonies.

And you identify deeply with the struggle and everything that comes with it. It's like a package. Like, it's a package, it comes with the identity. Yeah. So you see some fucking asshole at some festival putting on your head dress, and you're just like, wait, you know nothing of this, you know nothing of the struggle. Like, what are you doing?

You don't know what this is about. You have no context for this. Yeah. So, to a degree, I understand that. Okay, well, let me skip to the music part, because the reason I brought it in, that was the first thing that happened. It pissed me off, and it still pissed me off.

I get what you're saying, but something just didn't seem right about it. The second thing that happened was this kid, this idiot stoner, got assaulted by this woman because it was a white idiot kid. He was wearing dreadlocks. Like, and she was harassing him for appropriating her culture.

And he's like, lady, I'm just wearing the dreads. Like this is a, this is a look. This is a well-established look. Oh, this is the one where she asked him where Egypt was. Yeah. And he's like, and he's just trying to get away. But she's grabbing at him. Like she's grabbing at him to stay there and be harassed. Did you see this video?

Yeah, I did. Yeah, this went around the internet. So skipping, that was number two. So I was like, okay, this woman is being very aggressive with this kid. Like, something's going on here. The Indian thing wasn't enough that everyone just decided not to wear those feather headdresses

anymore, even though they're cool and hot. And I think we can all collectively agree that chicks, any chick putting a headdress on is less inclined to wear other clothes. Like that's how, that's how women work. Total fact. If you've got fancy boots on at the pool, that bikini shrinking.

If they've got a cool hat on or something at the pool, that tops coming off. Like if their head feels too covered up, they're gonna overcompensate with the rest of the body. So let's put aside the cultural shit for a moment and just remember what we're all here to do, which is get chicks naked, right? So the dreadlocks thing was number two.

Number three was Jesse William's speech last week about appropriating culture. Who is a black actress who really called him out? She called it hate speech. I don't know. I can't remember. She's Justin Timberlake? No, no, no.

No. Is that how you, she called it hate speech? She did, yeah. Well, which side of him was making the hate speech? Cause he's half black, half white. Yeah. I didn't know he was mixed. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Whatever. I mean, it's the person anyway, but it's, what do you mean? Well, I mean, it's a person. It but it's what do you mean? Well, I mean, it's a person. It doesn't matter if he's half black or half white. It sheath took it as racist against white people or... Oh, are you talking about Tommy Lauren, the woman who works for the blaze that made the

video? No, this one's an actress. Oh, here's what he said. Here's what Jesse Williams said. I'm just going to read it so people who are listening and haven't heard it know what I'm talking about. He said, we've been floating this country on credit for centuries. We've been watching and waiting while this invention called whiteness uses and abuses us, burying black people at a site and at a mind while extracting our culture, our dollars, our entertainment like oil, black gold, ghettoizing and demeaning our creations and stealing them, gentrifying our genius,

and then trying us on like costumes before discarding our bodies like rinds of strange fruit. Man, like what happened to the melting pot and imitation is the highest form of flattery? So imitation stopped being the highest form of flattery when you started making money off of it. Like Malibu's most wanted. Like, if you look at that movie, it's basically, like, that's an example of cultural appropriation. Okay. So you're talking about Jamie Kennedy pretending

to be black, like pretending to be a rap star. Yeah. And making a mockery of himself. That's like an example of cultural appropriation. But like wearing dreads, that's just, that's a reach. That's stupid. And Indian headdresses? Indian, like, I don't, Indian headdresses, like, I'm not native. I can't, like, it doesn't bother me. Like, if I see somebody wearing a headdress, like,

I mean, if you're walking down the street,, if I see somebody wearing a headdress, like, I mean, if you're walking down the street to in the afternoon, wearing a headdress, I might look at you a little bit weird, but not if I could. Not if I could. Like, I don't, I saw a guy walking down the street dressed as Michael Jackson. Oh, yeah, well, yeah, it's Hollywood Boulevard, so.

Yeah, there's all this crazy. Yeah, they're all like homeless people who dress up in costumes and take pictures with tourists. Nice, nice. Well, either way, the issue that I have, first, to address the dreads, anybody who wears dreads is gonna look fucking stupid for a while.

A grade. Because there's that midpoint where it's not long enough and it's just way too short. And you just look like a fucking idiot. It looks like Shadow looks like cat turds growing out of your head. Exactly, just looks fucking dumb. So shout outs to him for rocking dreads,

even though it's dreads look great. They look okay. I mean, I look okay. All right. I don't, I don't dig dreads. I mean, like long predator dreads, I will fuck with. It's cool. Yeah.

You look like a bag. Okay, was the predator appropriating anything? Cause his species has been around for presumably millennia. We are too master inner interstellar travel. Yeah. Yeah, did he stole the dreads right off the predator. So speaking of aliens, I got to like, what if aliens came down who were like, who's culture

was so cool, that's all anybody wanted to emulate. Oh, you mean like black people? No, no, like all the cooler than all the races, better than everybody. Like the new alien came out. I got a feeling everybody complaining about culture, appropriation would want to be back in the limelight. Maybe like get these aliens at,

like what if they're the aliens jams were the dopest and illest in the whole universe? Right and they took all the awards forever Then where would we be in a shitty spot? I guess in a shitty spot just create new awards for humans Yeah, you just all right these Oscars are for the aliens now Yeah, the the Grammys. I mean, I don't I don't know what the solution is There is no cultural appropriation people want like it doesn't seem like they want money. No or the Grammys. I mean, I don't know what the solution is that these cultural appropriation people want.

Like, it doesn't seem like they want money. No. So if you don't want money, like, there's nothing else that we have to give you. People bitch just a bitch. At a certain point, I can't remember who said this, but essentially the point they were making was all the good civil rights issues have been taken

and like are being taken care of. So people are just looking for small things to bitch about. Bitching about some kid wearing fucking dreads. It's fucking stupid. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Yeah, like, oh, he's wearing dreads. You're appropriating my culture. Bitch, yeah, right.

Yeah, just go back and top. I'm sure any culture you go visit back in time that had no exposure to any other cultures, had dreadlocks on somebody, because it's an easy way to not have to fuck with your hair all the time. That's what it seems like all of it is. Like the headdress is just when you're done working, you sit around occupying your time with mindless bullshit.

Like you come up with music, you come up with fashion. That's pretty much all we have. So to get in a place where we're apologizing, we're feeling guilty for, and it's, it comes up a lot more than you think, like you yourself did not feel comfortable speaking on behalf of Native Americans, right? Even though it's like, there's this guilt,

there's this like factory of guilt that these people are cranking out now for everybody and for not only injustices but for headdresses, for like liking the music I like, like, what do you mean appropriating this music? Just, you put it out there. So as far as like the Native American thing goes, it's just part of, I can't speak for anybody else.

Like I don't know what it's like to be in your situation in Sean's situation. So it's like, I can't, I very well can't speak for an entire culture of race of people who happen to get fucked, really bad. So it's not necessarily that I feel guilty about it. It's just that, I mean, it's more like a disclaimer because I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about

in some instances. You know what? That's the attitude I have a problem with. And that's what's being encouraged. This idea that you don't have the right to talk about the plights of other people. No, no, I don't have a problem talking about it. I just, I have a problem with saying

that my ideas represent somebody else's. Right. And that's why I think this is so divisive. Like just the idea of it splits people into camps where they don't feel allowed to talk about other things. Even deep down, I feel like there's something I'm missing about the Native American head dresses. But every single rational part of me says, I don't fucking care,

and it's a bunch of assholes on Twitter making a big deal about nothing. And that's perfectly valid. Just not fucking caring about it. It's perfectly fine. I think it's a dangerous form of brainwashing that's being perpetrated across the country, like across the entire civilized world,

that we should be worried about appropriating these things. Like, the appropriation was the selling point of getting everybody together at one point. Exactly. It was take, it was, hey, everybody, all these cultures evolved, and there's a lot of good things to them, and there's also a shitload of bad things.

So let's mix them together, take all the good things to them. And there's also a shitload of bad things. So let's mix them together, take all the good things and stop doing the bad things and knock all the bad things out, right? Cut them off at the bottom. And then we'll make a better society out of this. And it feels like we're going in reverse. Like it feels like we're approaching a point where we just say, you know what? Fuck it. Let's take, let's have an appropriations tax where no matter what you're doing, like whatever, whatever, what we're assigning inventions,

we're assigning customs to every different group and we're gonna shell out tax money to that group when we use it. Like it's no longer about the artists and people making deals for themselves and bargaining with each other. It's about owing, it's about owing the group that you're from. Yeah, it's like paying royalties. It's like, it's like, we're building fiefdoms. We're going, we're, we had a society where everyone was treated equally, but let's, let's draw it back and go in and go have lords and kings of all

these different cultures or whatever and we'll shell out a bunch of money to them when they make us feel bad. It's funny, like the idea of cultural appropriation now is becoming more and more absurd to me, just because on the internet, everything is starting to come together anyway, right? Like, you have, even if you look at something as simple as music, you have trap music, right? Sure. Rigenated in the South, it was rap,

but now, trap music is being played at festivals and being made by EDM DJs. Yeah. And it's everything is starting to congeal into some form. I can't remember what sci-fi show it was, but they went into the future and everybody was the same beige color. Blade Runner.

Blade Runner. Yeah, almost makes a comment about it, I think. Yeah, how everybody just said, how that was the gene that took over all the other ones, that skin color. Exactly. And that's what it's gonna be like in the future and that's what culture is becoming.

No, you're not gonna be able to tell where one line starts and one other begins. And to me, it seems like it's people trying to preserve the cultural identity of where they're from, which isn't a bad thing, but the way that they're going about it. It's so aggressively blaming everybody that we ruined it. Dude, I'm sorry, I watched your stupid TV show then

to be an accessory of this cultural genocide that we're all being, sorry, I bought your fucking single, dude. Like you shouldn't have let me do it. I don't know what I was thinking. Yeah, the message is coming across way too strong because I mean, like, and I get it, I get it. People want to stand up for something. People wanna be like, I am the night in shining armor

coming to save all these people because you are being oppressed, and I'm the one that can stop it. But in reality, it's just like, no, you're just an asshole on the internet with Twitter followers and you're preaching to the same fucking audience that reads your shit every day. And you think everyone feels just like you do. Exactly.

And if you don't feel like me, then you're a piece of shit. You're a bigot. Yeah, it's the fuck all that. It's fucking ridiculous. It's like the adult version of Stop Copying Me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's Jesse Williams, you just got up at the podium.

He's like everyone's Stop Copying Me. It's just Stop Copying Me. Part of what he was saying was poignant. He's Jesse Williams, you just got up at the podium. He's like, everyone stop copying me. Just stop copying me. Part of what he was saying was poignant. I mean, like cops hopping out of the car and shooting to me a rice within like two or three seconds of when they got out of the car is fucking terrible. Yeah.

So, but the rest of it is just like the strange fruit bid and like the cultural approach. It's like dog, like chill with all that. Like, oh man, now now it's going to be bingo on the drinking game. Fixing the cop thing is a big enough problem. It's like you talked to anybody who's into any conspiracy theory and they will eventually hit all of them. Like if somebody, if somebody tells you, hey, crystals are good for your Chi or your energy,

you go, well, yeah, what do you think about like ancient aliens and Sasquatch? What do you think of the bookie man? Like you eventually get through and they believe in every single thing. So it's like, that's what I feel about cultural appropriation as soon as you hit that one, it's like, oh God, what else do you believe?

Like what else is everyone else's fault? I can't fucking take it. All right, next question. By the way, the worst example of cultural appropriation is bikini wax. I don't. Allegedly a Muslim invention. Oh, really?

Yeah, that's what the internet said. I don't know. I don't know, yeah. Okay, question. For like female general mutilation, so they can like see the area better. There are so really. I don't know, yeah. Okay, question for like female general mutilation so they can like see the area better. There are so many follow up questions to this. I only read that one thing.

So you're at so well, go look at him. Question number two, will there ever be sex robots? Yes, people, shit. Yes. Why? Yeah. Because you know there's some dude working in a lab on that exact problem right now,

just so he can have something in the fuck while he's working on more important shit. Yeah. He's just like, man, I can't, I like, I have no luck on Tinder, okay, cupid, soul swipe, hinge, happen, whatever the fuck else is out there. And I can't go out and public and talk to women.

So you know what? It's gonna make this a lot easier if I just have a robot that I can have sex with, turn off and put away and just go back to work. Yeah, that's a ridiculous fantasy. There was this futureologist this week, Dr. Ian Pearson, who said that in the future, in like 2030, sleeping with robots will be as common for women

as watching porn is today. I hope so. You hope so. What, the women are sleeping with robots? Yeah, fuck it. Why? As long as it's accepted with women to a certain degree, it permeates through culture faster.

Because they're systematically oppressed. No, no. Because you're up in like, yeah, like you say, I know. Yeah, women set the moral high ground of the moral barometer of a culture. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, here's, here's the problem.

So you're worried that your number one concern about sex robots is the perceived stigma attached to them. It'll be around for a little while, but it'll evaporate. This is what I don't get about sex robots. They're not gonna be good. They're not gonna work unless they're artificially intelligent, right?

Okay. I have enough trouble convincing a regularly intelligent woman to sleep with me. How the fuck am I gonna convince a super computer woman to have sex with me? That's what it'll be programmed to do. Then that's a computer roofie, my friend. Do you think we're gonna be in an environment

where it's okay to program an artificial intelligence to bang you? Yes. Absolutely not. If not in America, then somewhere else. In China? Yep. I'll go buy one in China, have a shift over. I don't want to fuck a Chinese robot. They'll probably in China. They'll probably make you have them so they don't get any more kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See? All right. All right. All right. Okay. Then's up. What makes you a rage? So, I don't know.

If you follow me on Twitter, you can. How do you follow you on Twitter? You can find me on Twitter at THATDNZL, that Denzel. I'm on Instagram as well as 92 bricks. It's a Jay-Z wrap line. You lost 92 bricks and got them back. Good for him, yeah. If you follow me on Twitter, I do a lot of fucking bitching about work, but one of the things that pisses me off the most is when I'm trying to help somebody

out and they're not trying. So you're an IT guy. Yes. So I'm in a kind of a weird situation where I work. I'm basically the sole IT guy. So. I bet a lot of IT guys are tricked into being in that position. Yeah, I was definitely was tricked. Initially, it was sold to me as like, I'm working mostly on servers. I'm helping out people a little bit.

Oh man, I swear to God, if there was the most beneficial class that they could teach in an IT field. Did you go to college for this? No. ITT tech or anything like that, like any, okay. The most beneficial class that they could teach IT people is how to not get fucked by your employer. Every single IT guy says they're responsible

for the whole department and they're so valuable and so unappreciated and so wondering. And it's like, dude, then if that's true, you should be getting paid double while you're getting paid. Like you cannot, you cannot just sit there and treat your job like a computer program where you put in the good input and it gives you good input back? It doesn't work like that. Yeah. The problem with that though is the demand is so high or the supply for IT personnel is pretty high. Well, that's bad for wages.

Yeah, exactly. And if you don't take the job depending on how desperate you are, if you don't take it, there's some guy from overseas that'll snap that shit up in a minute. Under the whole industry. Exactly. He'll work for $13 an hour. I'm soon to be 15, but or minimum wage is eight bucks. I've got to do. I mean, you should pay him. Yeah. You got to sub out your job to that guy. Then you get hired somewhere else across town and you're running 10 guys in India. That wouldn't, it wouldn't be difficult for me to do it all. Yeah.

I mean, it would be weird having to explain it to some of my co-workers. And you just call yourself a consultant. All right. What, what makes you a rage at work? It's life in general, but it's people who don't try when you're trying to help them. So, like for instance, I got a call the other day from a gentleman that I work with, and he says, oh, Denzel, I can't get into my email. And I'm like, oh man, because as an IT person, benefit of the doubt.

You say, oh, okay, So there's probably a problem here. So I say, hey, what's your password? And I mean, like, which an IT is a no-no, you never ask anybody for their password. But I was six. So I pop in this password and I'm able to get in. And I'm just like, so you were just typing in the wrong password the entire time. And how many times did you try it? Exactly, exactly. Because we use Google Apps and I don't believe it locks out accounts with too many bad password attempts.

Yeah. So he just, he didn't put in any effort. There was another time I was working. And there was a woman who swore up and down. She couldn't attach something to an woman who swore up and down. She couldn't attach something to an email Swore up and down like oh my this is so hard like I it's difficult I can't do this and I walk over and I do it both ways, you know You click the attachment browse to whatever point on the computer and you upload it or just drag and drop exactly

I did both ways and I was just like so What's the problem like what what both ways. And I was just like, so what's the problem? Like what, what issue were you having? She was just like, well, couldn't do it. I'm like, this, I'm busy. Like, I was just like, so you decide to waste my fucking time with this. And I used to have that problem with the IT tech stuff and the family and you go help somebody.

It's like, you want to help your parents out with their phone, but they don't know how to like, it was like, I don't know if I can talk about this, but when your dad couldn't was adjusting the playback speed too quickly. Oh, yeah. It's just on the old podcast. My dad was listening to any good news. Tell Sean not to fast or tell Sean not to fuck with the audio. Yeah. It's like, okay, I doubt it's Sean. my dad was listening to me because he just talked to fast or tell Sean not to fuck with the audio.

It's like, okay, I doubt it's Sean. So that's a younger IT guy thing assuming that they did everything right. I just assumed they fucked it up. It took me a while to train them or convince them any family member that it's better if they just try it. Like they all thought that they're causing more problems for me by trying it and screwing it up. Oh my, look, just try it.

Just give it a shot. Like if you can get through, we could fix 10 of these with you just giving it the old college try and me not having to come over and walk you through it. Like walk through. Because if you don't, if you try it, if somebody tries something once and gets it right, they'll remember it forever. But if you show them 10 million times, the 10 million in first time, they'll go,

I don't know how to do this. I walked you through this 10 million times already. What do you mean you don't know how to do it? Like just give it a shot. There's a hundred different ways to do this. You find the one that works for you. And finding it online is so easy. I've done things that are way above what I know about computers.

By what do you mean? Searching around for certain things that I needed to do, I had no expertise in and guess what, it worked. Yeah. I don't know, because I can read. I wish I knew if this was a problem among mechanics too. Because it seems like it's just an IT guy thing. But if it's not, do doctors think this too? Probably too? Probably because you're like, oh, my arm hurts and they go,

we'll just don't do that with your arm anymore. Exactly. Like, that's, or my back hurts. What we doing? I was just dancing, lifting, I was doing squats like this. I was deadlifting like with my straight back straight up like, oh, then don't do that anymore. I wonder if tech guys don't straight back straight up, like, oh, then don't do that anymore. If that are shot, I wonder if tech guys don't get it worse, though, because that shit's voodoo to a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, but you know what's not voodoo, Sean? What's that?

People delivering packages. Okay. This is like the story that you were telling the other week. Oh, that was ridiculous. About the guy just locked it over the fence. Guy labs 300 of video equipment just over the fence of my apartment where people people are sleeping on that sidewalk and they see him lobbing a an on track package over the fence. That's not there's no way that's staying there. Well, if we see some homeless

people with a podcast, I'm gonna kick the shit out of them. That, but using the call box takes zero fucking effort. Zero effort. And what's he do? Ah, fuck it. I'm gonna toss it over that. And that happens a lot at my apartment because it's similarly set up. But instead of like leaving the package

in the front lobby, what they'll do is just slap the sticker on the door. Even in an old apartment that I used to live in, they wouldn't even knock on the front door. There was no like lobby or anything like that. It was just a fucking door. And what they would do is walk up, even if they like I had the two, the screen door,

and then the door behind it, even if that door behind it was open, they would still leave that shit on the door. And it's, you're not even fucking trying. What are you doing? I understand that you may be in a rush because you have like a quota to fill and you need to deliver X amount of packages a day,

but that doesn't mean you fuck me on this. Just give it a shot. Because I pay for premium shipping for a fucking reason and you bring me my fucking package same day. Have you ever fucking called UPS support after they, one of the dipshit drivers decides not to try to get a hold of you? I don't even try calling support anymore because I know it will be totally pointless

and I don't want to have to go through the embarrassing mockery every time of intelligence with like, well, did you try, did you try looking outside for your package? Always. Yeah, I tried that like, well, did you try asking your neighbors? Like, I don't wanna have to go through the rubric that's written for a five year old

to try to get something that I've been getting my whole life. Like, yes, I've seen the practice on TV of people getting a package. Like let's skip to the problem part of this walkthrough. So no, until Amazon came along. Amazon is so fucking tight. You don't even have to call them. You can click a button that says call me now

or call me in five minutes. Which is like, when I saw that for the first time, I was like, I saw the call number, I'm like, I don't wanna call, and then the button was called me. I was like, well, I kinda wanna go to the bat, and then it's like, call me in five minutes. I can't get away from this.

Yeah, call me in five minutes. Let's, I'll be in a totally different head space in five minutes. I'll have calmed down. I won't be, I rate about this shipment that got fucked up. There's one more. I'll have seen something funny on the internet. This is a really weird source, but Billy Joel said something that actually applies to life.

He said, in an era of mediocrity, competence is genius. Yeah, like, oh my God, they do what they're supposed to do. This is amazing. Like we shouldn't feel that way, but that's the kind of shitty service we get from 99% of the companies we deal with. Yeah. What are you gonna dig tips for us, TenZone? So my dick tip is don't leave the house.

Fuck being outside. Fuck people. 100%. Don't interact with anybody if you don't have to. Order all your food through apps. Order your groceries through apps. Fuck people. You do this? Yeah. So you might feel this way, you might feel this way,

but I guarantee you you're good with people. Yeah, I'm good with people. I have people skills, dammit. Yeah, you wanna be a sh- Yeah, nice, nice office face. Yeah, yeah. You'd prefer to be a sh- I didn't know.

It's 100%. 100% I order as many things from apps as possible. Like I even order clothes online. It's like, it's not worth the headache in some instances. And I don't want to be that fucking guy. He's like, I'm, I'm a genius and everybody else is fucking stupid. But I like that.

It's easy to get jaded, I'm sure. It's very easy, especially working with tech. And like I don't want to take people's intelligence for granted. Yeah. But when something, when somebody fucks up something very minor, I feel myself like getting towards the point where I'm going to like lose my shit. Like, oh, let's say the fucking UPS guy didn't drop off the package. And unfortunately, they closed like all the service centers near me fairly early. But if that happens, and I know they didn't

try to contact me or try to get into the building, I just, I can fuel myself inching towards that, like don't let me fucking catch you outside because I will hit you. Wait, that's why you wanna stay inside? Yeah, like, no, this is a bad tip. You gotta work on, you gotta try some meditation.

Fuck meditation. No, no, that's so I look like. No, you're accelerating fuck no, fuck no, fuck no, fuck no, fuck no. No, you're accelerating toward an inhuman world, like a future dystopia. This is the first step toward Wally. Is it too much for me to ask to have people get things right? Yes, that's a way too much to ask.

That's how I started this episode. Everybody fuck, everybody fucks up everything. We all gotta be okay with that. So I can excuse mistakes, I can excuse mistakes, I can excuse like minor mistakes, but if there's a pattern evolving, if there's just a pattern of fuck ups and fuckery, yeah, I'm not having it.

No buddy, let me give you, I'm gonna give you a dick tip. You gotta start expecting fuck ups. That's sad but true. Oh, it's true and you gotta ditch the sad part too. Everybody is trying their best and they are very stupid. Because the world was, I don't think everybody's trying their best. I think a lot of people are trying their best.

Guys, that's their best. That's their best. As pissed as I am at that on track guy, that was his best. Like if you said, hey, dude, did you think this package was gonna get stolen and you'd go, I didn't even occur to me. Okay, well, thank you. I see the point because that's his entire capacity

for being able to give this past. Yeah. God. That's my tip for you. All right, I got a special segment that we're gonna start here from Facebook called, You Don't Know Dick. I've got Dustin Sinowa on the line

who's the head, who's the chief of Dickheads on the Facebook group. Is that right Dustin? Can you wanna do it? Yeah, there you go. I am your Dick. And yes, I believe I am the head dickhead of the group. Yeah, do you get a, a, a, a giant headdress, a giant feathered headdress?

And with that role, it's whatever I could find is the most culturally acceptable without like offending everybody and then take that about 10 steps above that. So yeah, you should go the other way with it. You should get the most culturally offensive outfit, like the most appropriated outfit that exists on earth, like Kirby's Dreamland sucking up every single culture. So you just have one outfit, like what is it, like a, uh, an Indian head dress, I don't know, a samurai, like those cool shoes that the samurai's wear with the plakers, the bikers mustache.

Yes. A Fumantiu. A Fumantiu, like a Chinese kung fu Fumantiu, a bikers leather vest, and like a gay man's chaps. Dreadlocks also. Dreadlocks also. My father-in-law has chaps. He's a biker, so that's an easy get.

That's easy. What from Europe? What could you get from you could get a beret or a bag get one of those bikes with the little baskets in the front with the French loaf of bread? Yes. A mopad. Yes, a mopad. A mopad. Best ball in the press bar. Best ball in the press bar, I believe. Yeah. Who else? Something Mexican and bandoliers.

Yeah. There you go. Full shots of Ticula and bandiliers. Yeah, cool shots and clear and and then there's shitty beer maybe maybe a little chihuahua in the basket right. Yeah, I don't think we own that anymore. Did you get rid of that? Yeah, that's a that's a white girl in LA culture thing. Okay, yeah.

Okay, buddy, what's what do you go from Facebook this week? So here's here's the deal. We started a Facebook group for the Dickhead Army, which is really easy to find. It's Facebook.com slash groups slash the Dick show. And what we're going to be doing with that is we're basically going to be farming out questions from your fans that you will then answer in the podcast. Yeah, sure. Great idea, right. Yeah, sure.

Great idea, right? Yeah, it's a great idea. A large number of your fan base, they need dick tips for real life situations. You've done it in the past, you've helped guys, you know, get through the whole, what's your dad like thing? That was one of the greatest dick tips. You want to keep, I think you helped probably

50% of the guys in the world. And that's a real, that's a true stats for you with the fatherhood thing. So that's a good tip. Have you ever tried it? That is actually how I got my wife. Is that real? That is real.

What did you, how did you meet your wife? Well, we were actually at, it's long, so we were at Denny's at like two o'clock in the morning. Hot happening Denny's. Hot happening. This is back when you could like chain smoke, you know, you could smoke it still in our area, you could smoke a little bit there. So I just said to her, I said, so tell me what's some,

what's your dad like? Are you, is that for, are you serious? Did that really happen? That's it because that, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because that no, no, no, you asshole. But the Denny's part happened the Denny's part did happen. Oh man. That is that is such a great hookup spot when it's that 2 a.m. one person from my group of friends knew like one person from her group of friends And we just kind of just kind of got together and connected and became friends and from there, it just went crazy. So that is the most wholesome adult American way to hook up. At when you're like, if you drank yourself stupid, you're out of the running. All of those people are out of the running. They're all sleeping in calves or sleeping on the side of the denys and you are in there

with the troopers. You're in there with the people who know what's going on. Right. Like that is a great filter for meeting a girl. Half the relate on the floor. The servers really don't care. They're like, here's your plate, sir. I'm just gonna put it under your head,

just taking out your B bear right. And everybody's real. Like everybody has their own plan when they go out that what they're gonna do for the night. And it's always bullshit. Like even everybody, everybody's like, oh, I'm gonna go get laid tonight. Girls are like, I'm gonna go fun, I'm going to go get laid tonight. Girls are like, I'm going to go fun.

I'm going to go have fun and dance. And it all falls apart slowly until you hit Denny's and want to cram mozzarella sticks and buffalo wings down your throat. And that's when everybody's real. You see the definite girls who were exotic dancers the earlier that evening. They got tricked into going out with some guy. And he's like, oh, I know, I know a spot. And he takes him to Denny's. Yep. Right. So then all of a sudden, you see this girl with this look on her face like, what did I just get myself into? And before you know it, she's just got,

she's got Buffalo strips. She's got the fries with the bacon and the ranch dressing on there, the full works. And you can't tell if she's disappointed or if she's actually really excited. It's a tough, it's like right down the middle. And there's always something to talk about. There is nothing to talk about in a bar. And late night, Denny's fights. And late night, and he's,

they should have it. They should have it. Yeah. Well, okay. Okay, so a coffee cigarettes. Have you guys seen that documentary or that film? No, what's that? You need to see it.

It's with like Bill Murray and the Wu Tang clan. It's basically all these scenarios. That's sad. Okay. It's black and white. I think Jack White isn't it? It's all these scenarios of people having conversations late night over coffee and cigarettes.

And fantastic, very good, very good film. I suggest checking it out. Okay. What do we got from Facebook? Okay. So from Facebook, first off, before I even get into this, who is your favorite Ninja Turtle dick? Oh, well, that would be a tough call between Donatello and Raphael.

Okay. Denzel? Donnie? Donatello? Yeah. Okay. I'll go through Rapha Raphael. Okay, Dinsel. Donnie? Donatello? Yeah. Okay, I'll go with Raphael then. Okay, and then you just show him.

But he's become too much of a like a rageaholic in the new movies. That's, that's, I feel like that represents me to a degree. The rageaholic, no dude, he's like roided out. Oh. The Raphael was a prick, but he was like a, he, he didn't go around,

the Raphael from the movies is like a jock on steroids that is way too angry about everything. It really turned me off to his whole character. I mean the cartoon Raphael. Donatella's the one with the computers, right? Yeah, I know, he's my favorite shot. That's so weird. John, who'd you favor? Donatella as well?

Yeah, Donatella too. Okay, so we got an email from somebody named RAF, which is why I asked that question just because I wanted to see. He needs a dick tip for his current life situation and I'm hoping you could help him because he seems pretty desperate. Oh great.

He writes, Yo dick desperate. What? Yeah, that's my favorite clone. Yo dick, what's up buddy? I just graduated law school and I'm currently studying for the bar exam. It's not so different from slamming my head against the wall for six to 10 hours a day.

I have been studying for six weeks and the two day long exam is in 24 days. I have been doing well on quizzes and have a good study routine, but I feel myself getting burned out. Oh. The other day I started fantasizing about how much fun it would be to be a maintenance guy again. I can't let this happen.

I live in the deepest south and I need an air conditioned job for fuck's sake. I got to destroy this bar exam and by destroy, I mean get at least the lowest passing grade possible. Yeah, that's what every lawyer in America shoots for. It's a low-estimating grade possible. American dream. Do you have any dick tips that could help me out in the next few weeks with studying, paying attention, or gradually just giving a shit about something monotonous? Thanks.

Love the new show, by the way. Go fuck yourself, Raf. Thanks, Raf. Go fuck yourself. Uh, yeah, Raf, go fuck yourself, yeah, move all of you shit around. Move all the shit in your apartment around. Like, go out, don't go out and tie one on. Don't hook up with the woman and think she's gonna like

infuse you with energy and confidence. Just move all the shit in your apartment around. I swear to God, this is true. Companies would make people move. They would just change their desks and their productivity. So a bunch of big companies brought in like stupid feng feng shui experts. The feng shui experts came in, moves everybody around, changed the whole look of the whole company.

Productivity jumped up. So they're like, holy shit, these guys worked. What do you know? Four months or six months later, productivity fell off a cliff again. So they found that all they had to do was move around furniture and it would make people like, forget up,

it would excite people for some reason. They got new stuff, same stuff, just moved around. Move your bed around, put a couch on the ceiling, do something. It's a simple, simple a couch on the ceiling, do something. It's a simple, simple practical tip. That's what I think. I've heard something like that too before, actually. Yeah, okay.

So, and then giving up, do you eyes? Do you eyes? Yeah, become a lawyer and then be ready for a call from him in three in the morning. Yes, perfect. So another part of the Facebook group is that we're going to be fielding questions that people want to know from you. They have, you know, obviously, they want to learn more about Dick Masterson from what's out there. And one question really stood out when I was analyzing it. And it was from someone named Lisa Marie Garrett.

And she writes, I would absolutely ask Dick, who his favorite spice girl is. Then I will use his answer to decide if I want to be his friend. When I met Alice Cooper, Alice had literally just watched Spice World the night before at the hotel he was staying at. Alice passed the friend test. Oh shit. Ginger, let's do a whip around.

Who? Ginger, because she had the biggest tits. Sporty. Sporty. Why Sporty? She looks like she can have a good time. Oh, okay. Okay. I get what you said. I don't remember them. Like, there's, there's like, posh, posh is the one married to Beckham, right? Yes. Yeah, got her.

Scary, scary. I know her too. Yeah, the blonde one and then Beckham's wife. Yeah, yeah,

so correct answer. I do know the correct answer. Okay, what I want to know is, why did you pick ginger? Like what's your reasoning for picking ginger? You think it's kids. Yeah, I like that. I like that. I like that about her. I did. I did. Yeah. You were correct.

You were right, by the way. The correct answer is ginger. She is not your dad. She is not your dad. She is not your dad. She is not your dad. She is not your dad. She is not your dad.

She is not your dad. She is not your dad. She is not your dad. She is not your dad. She is not your dad. She is not your dad. She is not your dad. She is not your dad.

She is not your dad. She is not your dad. She is not your dad. She is not your dad. She is not your dad. Yeah. You were correct. You were right. By the way, the correct answer is ginger. So she is now your new best friend. Oh, great. Also as a follow up from from Lisa Regarrett, she's a librarian in Garden City, Michigan. And she works at the Garden City Public Library. Now, she actually, she actually added a copy of men are better than women to the library's collection. Wait a minute, let me give me that again. I want to see it. Give me the library again. She works at the Garden City Public Library. Oh my God, that's great. So she took, she bought a copy of men are better than women and registered it into the library

But it has yet to be rented so she puts out a challenge to any dickheads out there listening in the Michigan area To go to the city public library Rented out and she will update us When that happens. Oh, that's awesome. I love the MWL you there. Have a nice yank at the jerk off machines. They got it. Public libraries. Yeah, every public library's got one.

It's down to basement. Cool, Dustin. Thank you very much from the Facebook group, the Chief of Dickheads, Dustin Sinowa. Thanks a lot, buddy. Thanks, man. Thanks, I appreciate it a lot. So talk to you soon.

You too. All right, and Denzel, also thanks to you for stopping by. You guys. Thank you for having me. No. So your Twitter again. That Denzel. You can find me on their complaining about things and also talking about this script that I'm going to write that's going to be better than a hangover. Two and three. The hangover four.

No, it's not, yeah, okay. Yeah, well, what do you mean? What are you gonna write then? It's gonna be a comedy. It's gonna be a comedy. It's gonna be a better hangover movie. Does it have to follow that framework? Like, does it have to be dudes getting lost?

Or just those kind of jokes. Or dags. Yeah, yeah, that was kind of gags. I can do that. All right, all right. Thanks for coming by. I look forward to seeing you. Thank you for having me.

Thanks for listening. This has been the Dick Show. Check us out on thedickshow.com can do. Yeah. Alright. Alright. Thanks for coming by. I look forward to seeing you. Thank you for having me. Thanks for listening. This has been the Dicks Show. Check us out on the Dicks Show.com or patreon.com slash Dicks Show is DECK! DECK! DECK! DECK! DECK! DECK! DECK! DECK! Thank you.

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